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andi-romeda · 3 months

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I think i am deeply terrified that deep at heart,

I am not a writer,

That the thousands of words i wish would jump onto a page,

Simply will never make the leap,

Thousands of unfinished dreams lie in shallow graves,

I jump around from one half baked idea to the next,

Never committing never sticking,

I tell myself it's better this way,

I cannot see my own failure if there is nothing to fail,

But by god i want to write,

I want to weave the most fantastical stories,

That one day someone will read,

And fall in love with it just like i once did,

So that someone will gush about my words,

And feel something from them,

What do i do if i am not a writer,

If characters who i build up never leave my head,

No more adjectives no more metaphors,

I am so scared to write,

But i find myself picking up the pen once more,

Ink scrawling on paper regardless,

Is that what it means to be a writer,

To absolutely despise your creations,

But return back once more,

#my writing #poetry #original poem #writers on tumblr #poems on tumblr #to be a writer #writers and poets #creative writing #writerscommunity #poets on tumblr #poems and poetry #on writing #writer stuff #writing despite everything

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andi-romeda · 3 months

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Somewhere inside of me there is a five year old

Sewing a felt frog on their grandparents carpet

Being silent for the first time that day

And falling in love with the simple act of creation

And their tiny fingertips

Plastic needle in hand

Somewhere deep inside of me there is a nine year old

With a felt sewing machine at my Lala’s table

Sewing impractical bags and pillows

Falling in love with the seams under their guide

Fabric pressed harshly against painted fingertips

Somewhere deep inside of me there is a 12 year old

Finding solstice in sewing a satchel during the depths of Covid

Adding hundreds of buttons and embroidery

Falling in love with repurposing unwanted to magical items

Indented fingertips pushing the sharp metal needle

Somewhere inside of me there is a fifteen year old

Hunched over their cluttered desk for a whole day

Taking their design off the paper to real life

Falling in love with the rhythm of their sewing machine

Pushing pleated fabric through with aching fingers

Somewhere inside of me there is a 16 year old

Draping their design over their mannequin at 2 am

Adjusting the way it falls as a shawl

Falling in love with the beauty of my design

Soothing painful fingertips and knuckles

Somewhere inside my there is aching and pain

Laid in bed taking paracetamol in the hopes

That my creaking joints would quiet down

Falling in love with dreams and possibilities

Wishing the throbbing cracks would go away

Somewhere inside my there is the unknowing fear

That one day in a few years

Everything I have fallen in love with at my fingertips

Won’t be possible with my agonising groans

Joints like a old wooden house in the wind

Realising slowly,

That despite my adoration for my creation

One day I might come home

And realise

I cannot pick up the needle

It hurts to push the thread

Pinning cracks at my fingers

My love become my enemy

My home a prison

#my writing #poetry #original poem #writers on tumblr #friends #im cryin #poems on tumblr #joint pain

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andi-romeda · 4 months

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To me at 13,

To Ash,

You were the one who felt the world trapped them in its clutches, the one who felt suffocated every second. You felt there was nothing you could do to escape it all, that it would feel like this forever. The aching hurt inside your chest was there as a constant, though even that was a comfort.

You were the one who was hurt the most, cried the most and hated the most. Others around you in unison voicing their distain. You smiled through it, strained. You we're the one who wanted more than anything to belong. With someone, somewhere. Anywhere - just for a sense of home.

You we're the one who shouted and fought in retaliation to harsh words and even harsher hatred. You fought your way in and out of that house, in and out of school, in and out of existing. You we're the one who was most tired, and you we're the one who got up everyday regardless.

I want you to know it gets better. It hurts along the path, and I'm sure that the last of my pain is far from over. But it got better before, and I rest in the knowledge that it will again. Sometimes, all that you need was time.

One day you will wake up and it will hurt just a little less than the day before, and the little difference means you should hold on one more day. One day you sit at school and find yourself surrounded by the best people, caring friends who don't communicate in backhanded insults.

One day, you will wake up to the sound of birds you heard as a child

and you will breathe again.

Yours forever,

Andromeda

#my writing #poetry #original poem #writers on tumblr #poems on tumblr #im cryin #the love i have #autism #growing up autistic #growing up #it gets better #it gets easier #friends

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andi-romeda · 4 months

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my overwhelming nebula

i think i could fall in love with you for an eternity

if you asked me to

yours entirely

in everyway

#my writing #poetry #original poem #writers on tumblr #poems on tumblr #space poem #space #the love i have #love

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andi-romeda · 4 months

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Dandelions are flowers too - i hope?

i love more than i don't

i feel more than is plausible

i care more than is right

and when i see you

i am overcome with everything in its entirety

in a mirror shape of you

my own overgrown garden

#my writing #poetry #original poem #writers on tumblr #falling in love #the love i have #unrequited love

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andi-romeda · 5 months

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I think I am a selfish creature at heart

I was born unsatisfied always wanting

When things get good I want the next course

I have this but what I want is more

I think my life is perfect except could i please

And when my heart is wanting

I find myself a rather ugly creature

Full of jealousy and anger

Why can’t I just be happy

With all these wonderful things I’ve got

Why must I ache for these shiny things

Why must I want so much

I everything everything

I feel like I have nothing

And what I want more than anything?

Lies out of reach, touchable but intangible

#poetry #my poems #writing #selfish

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andi-romeda · 5 months

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In all these years

I spent today looking at different universities

And it hit me so suddenly

In just a few years

Everything i know so far

Will change

I will be off at some university

Starting a new life for myself

What is to happen to these friends of mine

Will we still be laughing together

Still giggling over books together

Still sitting together as a group

What is going to happen to my childhood bedroom

Are my books still going to sit neatly on the shelf

Will my bed still be in its place

Pressed up against my pink walls

And what will become of my cat

The thing i love more than anything

Can i really leave him alone here

Sat on my unmade bed

That hold the memories of me all those years ago

Will the stars on my ceiling still glow

Even though i cannot see them

Will the streets i walked down as a child

Still know the pattern of my steps

Even though i have grown

And my mum

What will she do with my empty space

She’s never lived alone before

It was always her and me

How will she cope when my seat is empty

When the two plates become one

When dancing around the kitchen becomes a solo act

I don't think im ready to grow

#my writing #poetry #original poem #writers on tumblr #friends #im cryin #i cried writing this #growing up #university #getting older #poems and poetry #poems on tumblr #poemsbyme #poet

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andi-romeda · 6 months

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Atom Theory.

Atom theory states that

People are attracted to each other

On a deep instinctual level

They feel one another in their souls

Because their atoms were nearby

When the universe was born

I think that

If this is the case

The our atoms must have been touching

Because I know you better than I know myself

I feel more for you than I do any other

I laugh the hardest when it’s harmonised against yours

I feel more at home with you that any other location

I love you

Like the moon loves the sun

Like hope loves the stars

Like dreams love everything

You are my soulmate

The other half of me

The Bleeker to your Juno

#my writing #poetry #original poem #writers on tumblr #friends #ipromisewerenotgaybutbesties #best friends #soulmates

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andi-romeda · 6 months

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I know that i stand here

With my divine retribution in hand

Reflecting back on what feels like a mountain

That I alone conquered

Was I alone

Do I have the right

To say all these big words

Sure they make for good poetry

But would I agree

At five years old

Would I agree?

The truth is I was loved

Loved to the best of her ability

I don’t know if it was enough

But it consumed her

The sheer force of it

I am allowed my sorrow

But do I deserve it

Can I not look through my own self lenses

To see how much she hurt

And she cradled me in her arms

I’m not sure I ever will

Know how much my mother gave

Just to wake up every morning

And live another day

#my writing #poetry #original poem #writers on tumblr #friends #im cryin #depressing poem #poems on tumblr #my mum #the love I have #childhood #sometimesicryatnightthinkingiwasrobbed #sometimesicryatnightbecausemymumdeservedbetter #i love my mum

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andi-romeda · 6 months

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This group here

Sometimes i struggle to look at you

All i see, all i hear, all i feel

Is like looking in a mirror

To the version of me

I hate the most

I love the most

The version of me that keep me up at night

Tossing and turning

The way you speak

As if I’ve stepped into the past

Your loud laugh

Matching every syllable of their last

The brightness behind your eyes

Flickers in ways and patterns i invented

Everytime i hug you

It’s as if beneath your skin

I will find preserved in time

It feels like loving you

Sometimes

Most of the time

Feels like loving me

I don't think i see you past myself

My complicated swirling thoughts and feelings

Do you exist past my obsession

Is every invite every interaction

Just a game of chess with myself

I don’t know what's worse

That your smile is or isn’t

Just mine in disguise

How could you love me like this

I don't even love myself

How could you see me and feel genuine joy

You get nothing from me

Yet here you are

My first sunrise

My last sunset

Your past feels jagged and sharp

Lighting up the room to everyone but you

I see you all entirely, a blackhole

It feels like you're my polar opposite

The north to my south pole

Yet together we form an equator

It's undeniably so

I think i hurt for you

More than i hurt for myself

I rage for you

I love for you

I feel everything so overwhelmingly

But also nothing at all

We have a thousand discussions

With monotone words

I could be everything

Instead i am nothing

My unlived future is reflected in your eyes

As hard as i try

I cannot stop seeing my babyish scrawl

Detailing all i should be

It looks like you

I am jealous by your uncontrollable

Ugliest self reflected from within

I cannot help by think

What if, maybe, in another life

Non-existent variables

Our roles switch

I have all that you have

Except i'm no longer me

I am you

Unobtainable you

Tethered down to me

The wind pulling at your strings

Tugging

#friends #writers on tumblr #original poem #poetry #my writing #idk how to tag this #poets on tumblr #writers and poets #poems on tumblr

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andi-romeda · 6 months

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These nights

I call these nights poetry nights

For my words tumble as truth

The bittersweet memories

Raise themselves to my roof

I call these nights painfully raw

As my heart thuds upon the floor

In the next room my shadow plays

Giggling as if time will not happen

I call these nights and ode to myself

And all i have ever been through

Dripping tears might stain these pages yet

When my muse

Skips in from a decade past

Quick and fast

I call these nights beautiful

I call these nights hard

I call these nights exactly as they are

Home.

#writers on tumblr #original poem #poetry #my writing #friends #sad boi hours #wrote this instead of sleeping

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andi-romeda · 6 months

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I often wonder once more

I often wonder how your mother reacted

The fateful day she found out

That her baby had grown thorns

Wicked to touch

And that your corrosive poison stang deep

I often wonder how i knew

That this was the last time we would argue

We would no longer laugh together

No longer exist together

How our souls previously intertwined had somehow unraveled

I often wonder what the others must have thought

Had they seen our downfall coming

Like the moon shining strong during blue skys

As if they knew we were wrong

And that one day our paths would pace further afar

I often wonder why my heart hasn’t caught up yet

Don’t you know all that's left is their shadow

Stop weeping over harsh words and bitter anger

Stop bleeding all over the clean floor

Live for yourself once more

I often wonder if you ever think of me

Do i pace around your thoughts

Is my smile still etched on yours

My little gifts still on your shelf

The books still lining your room

Do i still exist to you

Like you still exist within me

#my writing #poetry #writers on tumblr #original poem #friends #losing a friend

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andi-romeda · 7 months

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On days like this

Where it’s a struggle to get up

Feet unwilling disobedient

Showers ice hot seething

Clothes to tight not right

On days like this

Where there’s a hole inside

And I’m drowning in self made

and my pillars are crumbling unravelling

Exhaustion bone deep

On days like this

Where my head is my enemy

And my friend and lover and hater

Breathing against all consuming pressure

It’s getting hard to remember

On days like this

Where nothing makes me feel less led

My brightest colours dimmed

My happiest melody’s soured

My blooming wit down to stem

On days like this

Where I have to remind myself to be alive

And to breath in out in out

And to eat eat drink drink

And be here

#my writing #poetry #original poem #autism #spoons #no spoons #adhd struggles #autistic experiences #mental heath issues #mentally tired

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andi-romeda · 8 months

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Red

For me red is a smile.

It’s a pair of glasses and a pink monster energy.

It’s acceptance and love and clicking like Lego.

The Color red can be dark,

but when I think of red I think of light,

of lifting up a freind,

of screamed words and

friendship tighter than a sailors strongest knot.

For me red is a smile.

What is it for you?

The sun shines brightest behind you.

The sun shines brightest behind you,

A halo of iridescent warmth,

My garden grows under your brightest glow,

Illuminating the fresh morn sky,

And when you peak down below,

I wait with baited breath-

Does dawn peak over yet?

#original poem #poetry #my writing #writers on tumblr

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andi-romeda · 9 months

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I am three years old

My days filled with nonsensical games

My nursery all I have to complete

There is one friend I play with a gem

Ben 10 in the corner

Snack times in both morning and afternoon

Still I struggle

To see what the others eyes peer at

My mother says : just wait until primary school

There you will meet your own mind doubled

I am five years old

A year of school gone past

Learning my letter and numbers

Playing in the water tray and sand

Now I have two friends - Amber and Tia

We run around in our own little worlds

Yet still I cannot see

What appears so clear to others

My mother says : wait until secondary school

After all making friends is what it’s for

I am eleven years old

My first year of secondary school

I cannot wait to learn and am abrasive

A whole new class of potential friends

I only have the one right now

But i know by the end my contacts will be full

Yet I stumble to figure out what others believe in crystal clear

My mother says : wait until next year

Your true friends are not found at eleven

I am twelve years old

A year of exploring myself wizzed by

I have a best friend and a group of others

Surely this is the time to be

Sat on the sofa under the stairs

Ignoring all the stares on my loud laugh

Yet still the barrier between them and me

My mother says : just wait until your older

Don’t be impatient now

I am thirteen years old

Lockdown has hit

I do not go to school

My friends refuse to text or call

Unless they want something I can give

But I kid that I am happy

Yet I know somethings different with me

My mother says : a few more years now

And how could I argue a few more years

I am fourteen years old

I am back at school learning

And now I have a whole horde of friends

Who sometimes even like me

Jokes are now at my expense

Now I know there is something wrong with me

My mother does not say

For this year myself from which she has walked away

I am fifteen years old

I have a girlfriend and a couple friends

I am sure that this must be the end

I laugh and smile so much now

Jokes for which I am included

Discovered my freakishness is perfectly

My mother says : you have great friends now how brilliant are they

I cannot disagree with such declaration

I am sixteen years old

My lone friend sits high on my mantle

Yet I am not lonely or in despair

Every second i know how lucky

Every laugh I feel my heart

And when the autism diagnosis comes in

My mother says : really I should have guessed it

I am no longer that freakish loner

I start college next year

The place I have been promised salvation

I trust that even if it’s not

I have all that I have got

And it will be enough

#my writing #poetry #original poem #writers on tumblr #friends #growing up #autism #growing up autistic #undiagnosed autism #undiagnosed neurodivergent #undiagnosed adhd

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andi-romeda · 10 months

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Throwaway Friend

Throwaway friend.

Throwaway friend

Expiration date on usefulness

Oh, please, won’t you

Buy

Give

Lend

Let

Help

Please

Throwaway friend

Dependable pushover

No sorry you aren’t invited

I had much a nice time goodbye

Months.

Wallowing

Pity

Left on read

Two in front one behind

Exchange looks - not with you

Inside jokes - I’m outside

Would you just stop

Nagging

Asking

Begging

Pleading

I want this, no lets not hangout

Throwaway friend

Dragging at the back

I always manage to be

Disposable

Back up

Annoying

Weird

Freak

I’m the throwaway friend

Forever there until

Shiny and new takes place

And again I’m left the

Throwaway Friend

#poetry #original poem #my writing #angst #friends #im cryin

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andi-romeda · 11 months

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When the sky clouded over

When I came out to my mum

When I was no longer her little girl

And she screamed all night at me

And she accused me of murder

I remember thinking it wasn’t worth it

I remember thinking I should just quit

Then my dad said he didn’t care I was still his baby

Then my mum said my dad never really loved me anyways

As a whole week of cruelty passed

As the pain of knowing I had killed her daughter never left

Still crying about it years later

Still mourning the grave of my mothers love

#my writing #poetry #original poem #writers on tumblr #depressing poem

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