my mother was telling me this today. please make this go viral, this is so important.

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OhhMyLoveQuotes

A couple days ago my mom told me she’s divorcing my dad.

Life is just so stressful lately.  Idk how to handle it.  Idk how to voice it.  I just want to be high.  That is all.

Last night I was chilling on the bed in my booty shorts and all of a sudden the bf stared at my thighs reeealll close so in return I looked at him strangely.  "I didn't know those were stretch marks I thought you just had really hairy legs, if you want my honest opinion.  I just haven't seen them before."  That made me feel like SHIT.  Then he goes on to compare me to Marilyn Monroe and how she wasn't skinny either and then goes on to tell me that he still loves me for me for who I am inside, for my soul.  That yeah he LIKES my body but LOVEs who I am inside.  I have always said true beauty is on the inside but that was just an interesting conversation.

Scientists are studying with MDMA, which is the active ingredient in uncontaminated Ecstasy pills, can help treat social anxiety.

Well shit.  Finally saw a semi-useful article ad on the side of my FB news feed.  This could really help me, LMAO.

Granted the article was written with it helping adults with autism who have social anxiety problems, but who says it has to be JUST for people with autism?  Why can’t it be for people with a regular Social Anxiety Disorder.

There’s been a few times I’ve been out with my BF at the lake and I’ve had major anxiety passing by other people and it sucks.  The bf likes to stop and talk to others and stuff whereas I just want to keep on walking and not talk to anyone that I don’t have to talk to.

When I was younger my mom always said, “oh she’s just shy and quiet.”  But then I got older and didn’t outgrow the “quiet phase” I finally got diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorders.  Even today I tell people that I’ve sort of outgrown my shy phase but I’ve gotten better, when in reality I have anxiety about having to talk to people.  It’s not that I don’t want to talk it’s that I literally can’t because my chest gets all heavy and it gets hard to breathe.  I may appear calm but that’s because I don’t want people to think that they make me nervous even when they do.

I’ve lost three pounds this past week that I’ve been off work.  Not snacking on bread and cookies and ice cream has really helped.  Not looking forward to going back to work in that regard but maybe I won’t be so tempted.

I’ve had drugs on the brain instead of food.  It’s awful.  The only thing that makes me stop thinking about wanting drugs is food and then I feel stuck.

Not to mention it’s been so hot and humid lately that I can’t be outside without overheating.  And then when I’m stuck inside I’m bored and want drugs.  It’s vicious.

Went for a short walk this morning and the few minutes of uphill walking were not kind.  Hot and sweaty and couldn’t breathe but had nowhere to sit either, just had to trudge up the rest of the way.  I’m way out of shape again.  I may have lost 20+ lbs BUT it was from drugs and not eating.  Now I’m out of shape and out of breath.  So annoying.

I trust YOU.  I just don’t trust other bitches.

OhhMyLoveQuotes

LOVE n PASSION…

When most people think of an addict, they think of someone who has no job or can’t keep one for more then a few weeks or months at the most.  They see someone not well kept because every dollar goes to the drugs or alcohol and not into self-hygiene.  Well let me tell you something, not every addict is like that.

I love the high I get.  Some may even say I’m addicted to it by now.  But I am fully functioning.  I’ve had the same job for nearly 2 years, I put my bills and expenses first to make sure I don’t get into debt with that, and after expenses are paid each week/month, the remaining money goes towards my high.  The rest of the week always sucks until I get paid again, budget, and do it all over again.  It is a cycle.  A vicious one.  And if money wasn’t a problem, I’d definitely be getting high more then 2-3 nights a week.  Yeah it really sucks not being able to get high the entire week but not getting that high at all, it really fucks with my head.  I think I’m more mentally addicted than physically.  I don’t get shaky, nauseous, or the chills when others do.  Mentally it becomes all I think about.  Counting down the days until payday.  Figuring out ways I could get/borrow money from someone.

It really is a Home Away from Home

Back home from the festival.  I had an AMAZING time.  I got all pukey and nervous in the car on the way there and had a bit of anxiety but once we got there, it was like everything changed.  I left one world and entered another.  It was so peaceful and even the air smelled better being in the open and woods.  The best smell ever.  Any fear I had about the festival season is completely gone and now I’m looking forward to the next festival that we can go to.

We didn’t get all fucked up like he thought we would, no one was advertising >.< but aside from that we were just mega stoned the whole weekend and had fun people watching.

Dante relax (by Anmarie_Sabine)

As much as I'm looking forward to camping and being outdoors this weekend with great music, the one thing is I'm really paranoid about having to pee when I'm not near a portapotty. And I'm too conscious to squat in the woods in front of people.

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