"I don't know which of us is more toxic, because the way I'm treating you right now is the way you've been treating me all along."

-Anonymous

I feel sick maintaining this conversation.

I feel sick talking to you.

If one day I no longer post, does that mean I no longer am in this world or does that mean I'm recovering and doing better to the point my thoughts are no longer my enemy?

You won't know.

In the end I am ignored again and I've got no choice but to bite my tongue, swallow, agree, say nothing more about my own opinion, and just give the opinion they want to hear instead.

Wow. I just tried to let go and not bite my tongue anymore, just to get another reason why I should keep on biting, even if it's numb whatsoever.

I kept on biting my tongue and giving the reaction and respond people search for and want. Now my tongue's numb and I no longer remember what my pure reaction and respond was.

I lost myself in the midst of being absorbed on giving people what they expect and want to see.

Now I can't seem to find myself back.

"Oh boy, how shitty can this day be?"

Right. Very very shitty. Fucking shitty as hell.

They said, "Open your eyes and see the world. You still wanna live, right?"

Excuse me? No. What kind of assumption is that? What made you assume I still wanna live?

I hate myself. I hate how I keep on caring. I hate how little things can affect my mood. I hate how I am bothered when people gossip about others, even though they're not gossiping about me nor someone I am close to, moreover someone I know. I hate how I act like this. I hate how I can't do anything about anything.

I get jealous too, y'know? I envy how people are able to enjoy the things they love to do. Because everytime I found something I love doing, it'll end up being my source of stress; it'll end up being something that breaks me into pieces. And I hate that.

毎回 同じ日々が嫌だから 新しい事をやろうとしてみても

「ブス+クズの私じゃ無理」リスカしてオナニーで終わる。

–Takayan

I fucking hate how every little thing that I enjoyed doing became the source of my stress.

You promised that we're gonna see each other again.

Yet you went home before me.

She loves reading. It allows her to cry over someone's sadness when she could no longer identify her own.

—Nina Parks

Take me home, I wanna escape reality. Get me out of this pit of darkness, oh God save me help me.