#yourself up too much if there are steps you just can´t reasonably control | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

norizzsainz · 4 months

Text

🌶️ NFY : MCDONALD'S FOR P

[ carlos sainz x singer!fem!reader ] [ wc ] 0.9k words

[ summary ] carlos' and y/n's breakup comes as a surprise to many of their friends. no one ever thought the couple would ever break up, but alas, y/n was always ready to do whatever was best for the love of her life — even if it meant breaking up with him.

[ loki's lines ] this was so much better in my head, contemplating if it should've just stayed there

previous | masterlist | next

━━━━━━━ DECEMBER 03, 2023

max would've burst into laughter on any other day when he saw the way you had arrived at his doorstep.

you wore a hoodie; the strings tightly tied until only your eyes could be seen.

he offered a small smile as your eyes met; brows raised when you lifted a bag to his face.

“mcdonald's for p,” you mumbled. “got you and kelly some food, too.”

max tried not to let his smile fall as he heard your voice, the hoarse tone letting him know you had a really bad cry session — or even multiple of them.

“come on in,” he stated, nodding you inside as he stepped aside after taking the bags from you. “thanks for the food. p will love you forever.”

you only let out a tired chuckle at his words, not adding anything more. max frowned at your lack of response, realizing something was really wrong with you.

you loved p more than anything, and the fact you didn’t say much about max’s words were enough of an indicator as to how bad the situation was.

“aw, babes.” kelly walked towards you with a frown. “what are you trying to do? suffocate yourself?”

“honestly, right now, i'd love that,” you commented with a sigh, wincing as kelly untied the hoodie. “thanks, kels.”

the frown on kelly's face didn't fade; her brows furrowed as she sat you down on the sofa. she observed you well, her gaze softening as she met your bloodshot eyes.

“this isn't like you, y/n. what's wrong?”

max's heart shattered as he watched the way your face scrunched, trying to hold back the inevitable tears that made their way down your face.

you covered your face with your hands, crying harder when kelly pulled you into her embrace, trying to offer any sort of comfort.

“y/n ...” max stood next to you, patting your hair gently as his girlfriend rubbed your back. “tell us what's wrong so we can help.”

“h-he said we had t-to break up.” max frowned, exchanging glances with kelly as you hiccupped over your words.

“carlos? was it his idea to break up?” kelly inquired, confused.

you pulled away from the hug, meeting her gaze. “not carlos.” you shook your head, wiping away your tears with your sleeve.

max tilted his head. “who was it, then?” he asked, waiting for your response.

“his dad. he said we had to break up.”

the couple’s eyes widened, never having guessed your ex-boyfriend’s father would’ve intervened in the relationship and forced you to break up with him.

“what? why the fuck would he do that?”

max sat on the coffee table in front of the sofa you sat on, fisting his hands by his side as he looked at you.

the man’s frown never faded, staring at you. “why did he tell you to break up with carlos?” he asked, teeth gritted to control his anger.

“he said i was messing up carlos’ focus,” you mumbled, looking at your feet. “told me to break up with him if i genuinely care about his career.”

“so, you broke up with him?!” max raised his voice, flabbergasted by your words. “what the fuck, y/n? why would you do something like that?”

“because i love him, max.” the couple’s hearts shattered as they heard the crack in your voice. “i broke up because i love him.”

“you can’t be serious, y/n.”

“i hate this more than anything, but i’ll have to deal with it. i know how hard carlos has worked to come this far, and i can’t just sit still, knowing i’m the reason he’s fucking up his dream.”

max frowned, shaking his head. “just because he fucks up his races doesn’t mean you are the reason for it, y/n,” he stated, trying to make you understand.

“i am, max. i know that very well.”

“come on, you know–”

“five times, max,” you countered, looking at him. “five times, carlos purposefully did not qualify for the races because he wanted to be there for me,” you confessed.

you watched the way kelly’s face dropped, while max’s expressions remained stoic.

he had noticed too. he knew.

you saw him take a deep breath, biting his lip as he contemplated what to say.

“so, do you think his performance will become better now that you’ve broken up?” max inquired, raising his brows. “because if he doesn't, then this would all be in vain, no?”

“this is what his dad asked for, and i–”

max shrugged. “you are just fulfilling his wishes, obviously. this ‘fucking up his focus’ was just a sad excuse,” he said.

“his dad never liked you, babes,” kelly spoke, patting your back gently. “don't you think this entire thing was just some excuse to get you guys to break up?”

you buried your face in your hands, trying to control your breathing as you sat back on the sofa. everything was overwhelming you right now, and it was sending your brain into overdrive.

these were the moments when carlos would be there for you; listening to your thoughts and sorting them out for you.

but, he wasn't going to be there for you anymore. you had to deal with this on your own.

“whether it's an excuse or not,” you stated, looking at your friends through your teary eyes. “we've broken up now.”

“and that's–”

“and that's that.” you were stern with your words. “i'm tired of all this. i just want some peace and quiet, okay? just wanna forget about this all and go back to living life as i normally do.”

kelly nodded supportively. “if that's what you want, that's what we'll do,” she said, pulling you into her embrace.

“we got your back, y/n,” max added, wrapping his arms around you two. “forever and always.”

you smiled into the hug, utterly failing to keep the tears from falling down.

“thank you for being there for me, guys. i love you both so fucking much.”

#[📝] works #f1 x reader #f1 #carlos imagines #carlos scenarios #carlos sainz imagines #carlos x reader #cs55 x reader #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz drabbles #f1 drabbles #f1 imagines #f1 scenarios #f1 carlos #carlos sainz #carlos

361 notes · View notes

the-soliloquies-of-sadists · 6 months

Text

#385

“OK faggot. I’m surprised to see you. I thought you would have flaked out. I told you that you are to bring nothing. I don’t see your transportation here—no car or bike. That’s good. But you fucked up one thing though. Bringing nothing means nothing. I see you are wearing a t-shirt, shorts, shoes, probably underwear, and cap. That’s not nothing. I told you that if you were to spend time with me that you would be kept naked. I meant that….

“Look, I live to be naked.

“I drive… naked.

“I eat and drink… naked.

“I sleep… naked.

“I jack off in my bunk… naked.

“I jack off while driving… naked.

“I step out to piss… naked.

“Then with the last few drops of piss hanging on to my cock head, I’ll jack off… naked.

“I fuck faggots… naked.

“I get my ass licked… naked.

“I shove my cock down some faggot’s throat and unleash my piss… naked.

“As you can tell I love being naked. So much so, that when I bought my own Kenworth, I formed my own trucking company, and I called it ‘Naked Trucking.’ I don’t give a shit who sees me when I’m on the road or stopped at a place like this.

“So when a faggot like you agrees to spend one week with me kept naked shows up, that faggot should be fucking naked.

“No! Don’t strip there. The only thing I told you that you will have while with me is your ID. Give it to me. I told you to leave behind your wallet and phone. You did to that?... Good. It would have been awkward if you hadn’t.

“Now see that dumpster over there on the other side of the parking lot?... Walk over to it and strip. Don’t use the dumpster to hide behind. Strip so I can see you… and either of those other two drivers can too if they are paying attention. Throw your clothes in the dumpster and walk back. Don’t hide your dick. Don’t race back here. Just walk normally.

“If you can’t do any of that, then keep on walking. Now go on. I need to do some quick paperwork before we roll out….

…

“…Faggot, you did good. You are rock hard. That’s good to see. As you can tell, my dick is longer and thicker than yours, as it should be.

“Oh, should you need to leave my cab, I do have shorts, shirt, and flip-flops for you to wear.

“Your primary reason for being here is to service my cock—to offer two holes for me to dump my cum and piss into. The other reason is to get my shithole worshipped. That’s about it.

“Speaking of which, I need to take a piss. Get on your knees bitch, I need to see how you drink a load of piss. I expect you to drink it all. When we are on the road, I will snap my fingers, and you will drink while I am driving. All my piss goes through you. All of it. I wouldn’t have even considered you if you didn’t have experience.

“Your piss will go into empty water bottles. You will set them aside and use them to douche your cunt on the road. It’s your responsibility to make sure you are cleaned out at all times. As much of a pig that I am, I am not into shit. At. All. You got that?

“Pull off. I’m done pissing for now; you’ll get the rest in a bit…. You got that?... Good! And keep up the not talking. Nodding is fine.

“Stay on your knees. Pull apart my cheeks and start eating my hole. I take lots of psyllium which makes wiping almost not necessary. I just pull over in a secluded spot and get out. I squat, wipe up, and move on. No need to get dressed for that. A fisting faggot I once used told me this is what he does to clean out without the mess. It works on me.

“I will say that I sit on a hand towel as I drive. If you ever see skid marks on it, it’s your duty to clean it up. There are extra hand towels behind my seat. And if you ever encounter me not being clean when I am sitting on your face, keep that knowledge to yourself and clean me up squeaky clean. I don’t want to ever hear about it. You got that?

“Good. You will start on psyllium immediately. In fact I will be controlling what you eat to make your douching easier to do along the side of the truck.

“Ok. Your tongue knows it’s way around a shithole. That’s good. Get up. Ok boy. Pull out. You will have a lot of time under my rimseat later on. I have a rimseat in the storage bin under the bunk.

“Yeah, if I can avoid putting on clothes and going into a truck stop, I will. I dress only when I absolutely have to.

“OK, climb on up.

“I know these runs very well. I know where to stop so we won’t have to get dressed. There’s a few rest areas where the layout lends to privacy. Some lend better when there’s no moon or if it’s raining.

“We are going to this one truck stop in a couple nights. Hank and I go way back. We used to drive together, naked of course, until his dad died and left him the family truck stop and garage. It’s one of the last old school truck stops, you know, with communal showers and a bunkhouse. It holds about thirty to forty trucks in back. When the bypass went in, his business dried up. He started to lose many good customers. He started messing around with a few drivers as a perk. Then word got around. The garage started getting more business. Drivers would come in, a little bit out of their way, fuel up and get their balls drained or get bred. Or if the rig needs some work, Hank will work on it and the driver could kick back in the bunkhouse with other drivers or Hank’s fag.

“Years ago after we went our own way, he took on a fag who gave up on a six figure marketing job to be his bitch—kept naked too. The fag gets gang banged almost daily. The fag has kept the business running all these years. At night and in between sucking cock, he got this on-line business up and running to help keep the truck stop afloat. The money is real good. It allows Hank to run the truck stop the way he wants to. He put up a privacy fence and a sign on the inside that this is a clothing optional business. There’s no advertising, it’s just known to a group of drivers. Many of them have been jacking off already as they pull in. Even the delivery drivers know about the place.

“We are going to spend a night there as well as my day off entirely naked. They have a tiny convenience store that we can stock up on food. We can do that naked too. I can’t imagine a fag like yourself not loving being there.

“Before we get rolling, there’s a black towel for you to your left to throw over your crotch if you need to cover up. As we drive no one will be able to see in. Cars and trucks are too low and other drivers will be too focused on passing safely to worry about seeing a naked driver and his fag in a split second. But should something come up, the towel is there.

“Also, you can jack off as much as you want. But know this. You better not be one of those fags that after cumming you don’t want to do anything sexual. Because if I need to get my rocks off, I’m using you to get my rocks off. You refuse me or any man I pass you off to, I will leave you on the side of the road. I see your dick gets this. It’s been rock hard.

“Oh look, that driver over there is ready to pull out as well. He’s in his driver’s seat. Here stand up. Bend over the dash. We have twenty-five minutes before I’m allowed to pull out of here. I need to breed you.

“That glob of spit is all you are getting. If I find any fag mud on my dick, I will beat the shit out of you and leave you here. You are a bit loose. That’s good. Unless I’m smashing a cherry, I don’t want my cock strangled. But your pussy feels so good on my cock. Oh fuck. I’m gonna enjoy having you to use.

“Oh look, the other driver is watching us. Faggot, I hope you like being on display because that’s the way it’s gonna be. There’s no humiliation too taboo for me to inflict on you. Fucking you in front of some random driver is only the beginning.

“Oh look, he’s jerking off to us. Oh fuck yeah! Oh fuck yeah! It’s not going to take me long to shoot. Fag, I’m gonna flood your fucking guts. Here it cums! Here it cums! Fuck! Fuck! Jesus!

“Fag. I love my new cunt. Quickly clean me off….

“That driver is still pounding his pud.

“You know. Get out!... Don’t look confused. Get out! Now! Passenger side. Go on!

“That’s right. Take a step back. Get on your fucking knees and look up at me. Open your toilet mouth. I need to finish taking a piss. I will try to get it in your mouth.

“Ahhh. That feels good. I would have just pissed in your toilet mouth up here, but I wanted him to see you. And he’s pounding his dick like he really needs to get off.

“Ok stand up. I want you to walk over to him and I want you to tell him the following: ‘My new owner sent me over to help you empty your balls. Use me in any nasty way you want.’ Then also tell him that I want to watch you get used. “If you don’t drain his balls in the next 20 minutes, I will pull out of here without you. This is an easy one. Now go.”

491 notes · View notes

evergreenfields · 3 months

Text

Model Behaviour

Your neighbour Captain Price is looking for a hobby, you suggest an art class.

Little does he know you’re the nude model.

Rating: fluff, swearing, flirting, descriptions of a nude female body.

Pairing: Captain Price x fem!reader

You’d started talking to your new neighbour, John, when he was moving in, you watched him bring boxes in throughout the day, his jumper coming off to reveal a t-shirt over a bulky chest. He didn’t tell you too much about himself but you had gathered he was military. He sometimes wore a hat and had excellent posture, standing completely upright and then shifting his weight to one leg, relaxing. You sometimes caught him on his way back from a run and you would chew the inside of your mouth at the sight of his tight grey jogging bottoms, he probably didn’t look in the mirror before he left the house.

You saw him again in the post room, he had a healthy stack of brown envelopes.

“That’s a large parcel, need a hand, love?” He sauntered over, marvelling at the long parcel.

You try to hoist it up, “it didn’t leave the floor, did it?”

John doesn’t waste a second, he lifts it effortlessly.

“I was heading up anyway.” He’s already out the door.

“Oh thank you,” you rush to open the doors for him and you catch the elevator.

It’s a tight squeeze and you face each other. Only the tall box is between you. You reach past his trim waist to press floor five, avoiding eye contact and ignoring his cologne.

“Are you liking the area?” You ask him, trying not to look at his strong hands on the box, dark hair covers his tense forearms.

“It’s charming. Quieter than I expected.” He smiles, you feel like he’s alluding to his job but you don’t want to pry.

“It is very quiet here. If you do find yourself free on a Thursday evening, come down to the Evergreen Library, I do life drawing there.”

“An artist? Well aren’t you full of surprises.” The elevator dings on your floor and he gestures for you to go first. You hold your palm against the doors.

“You go at your own pace, there’s wine too.” You say as you unlock your door, expecting to take the parcel over the threshold.

“I can pop this in your living room if you like?” He waits for your go-ahead, you find his respectfulness thrilling, it makes you want to do filthy things to him. You unlock your door.

“Thank you, near the table is fine.” He puts it on the floor and taps it for good measure.

“So Thursday, is it?”

“Yes, you don’t need to bring anything, just yourself.” You smile warmly.

“I’ll do that.” He smiles, rubs his hands and steps aside to leave, “goodnight y/n.” You try and make space in your narrow hallway but he still has to side step out of your way. He smells like beechwood.

“Goodnight John.” You try his name on for size, you like how it sounds in your mouth. You close the door and the giddy energy over takes you, you dance to your bathroom to get ready for bed and think of what you’ll wear on Thursday.

~~~

Hands on his hips, John wonders what one wears to a life drawing session. Currently in a towel slung low on his hips from a shower after his run, he decides on a casual plaid shirt and black jeans with boots.

“Steady on John, you’re out of control with your wild evenings ey.” He chuckles to himself, acknowledging that forgotten but familiar feeling in his stomach and chest. He’d moved in recently and hadn’t quite felt like he belonged, which wasn’t unusual for someone who’d spent their entire life in the military, but he couldn’t deny he liked being around you. He felt he was probably a little too old for you, but your invitation gave him an idea. Single for a while, and for good reason, John thinks of this as a new start, though he isn’t sure what he’s doing, he knows he wants you. In some way.

He thinks about how sweet you were in the elevator, looking everywhere but his eyes, rushing to hold the doors open. He caught you looking at his arms. He also caught your figure as you opened your door, all curves, soft and smelling like flowers. He liked that you had introduced yourself when he moved in and asked him to hold a parcel for you when you were away. Sometimes he didn’t see you for a few days and he’d have to push the disappointment out of his mind.

He trimmed his moustache and beard in the morning and gave himself a once over, feeling foolish for being so invested. It was just a way to while away an evening. He slipped his phone into his back pocket and headed out into the crisp autumn evening.

When he arrives he tries not to rubber neck too much, trying to find where you were seated. The librarian who pointed John to the studio gave him a double take. The studio was dusty and large, tall windows filtered in what light was left of the evening. There were around 20 people already sat waiting, sharpening pencils and pouring themselves small plastic glasses of wine.

John tried to ignore the feeling of disappointment when he didn’t see you. Maybe she leads the session, he thought, not really considering what she meant by “I do life drawing”. Watching the others, he grabbed cartridge paper, a pencil and charcoal from the head table. He sat at one end of the room, facing the centre were a few stools and seats covered in a towel.

“We’ll start in a few minutes, please help yourself to some wine.” A man said.

Feeling overdressed, John looks around. What am I doing here? He thought as he saw a young woman open up her sketchbook with pages of incredible drawings of people. I can draw one hell of a stick man if it all goes to shit.

John considers going up for some wine but he catches a figure in a bathrobe enter the room. There she is, but his smile drops when you enter the circle of easels.

~~~

You don’t see him but you were searching for him. You haven’t felt this nervous to pose nude since your first time. You nod at a few regulars, scanning your peripherals for your neighbour.

You slink out of your bathrobe and you decide on a standing pose with one arm above your head, legs together, poised and coy, your face looking up at the ceiling.

Is he even here? God I hope he is. Your thoughts are joined by a cacophony of pencil scribbles.

Meanwhile, John is fighting for his life. You’re facing away from him and he already dropped his pencil once. Jesus Christ, he feels bad for looking at your naked body. He swears everyone just heard him swallow. He looks to his left, a young man stares at you, then down at his sketch book and then back up at you.

John looks at how tendrils of your hair falls across your shoulders and the gentle hollow of your lower back. Your curvy hips and swollen butt have gentle shadows. He follows the lines of your body down your legs. He had imagined you naked, and he was short changing himself: you were far more beautiful, with soft skin, muscle under a layer of mass, and elegant lines he wanted to taste with his tongue.

Unfortunately all he had was a pencil.

He started drawing your shoulders, painfully aware of a tightening in his lower stomach.

Someone says there’s only a minute left for this pose and John knows he is going to need a drink. He carefully gets up and walks the short way to the wine table. He unscrews the lid with a smile, she wanted me to see this. He pours himself a small glass.

You swing your arms to get some life back into them and decide to lay across the wide stools for your next pose.

Looking ahead you see an empty seat. Your heart flips. You’re facing it as if sleeping on your side. Your breasts pushed together, nipples pebbled from the exposure. Your hip juts out but your leg hides your mound ever so slightly. You close your eyes because you know who’s footsteps you hear coming back to their easel.

You try to hold your smile in but when you open your eyes, you fail.

You see John sitting languidly on his seat, legs spread, glass of wine in his left hand, his right hand on his knee. For a moment you think what a sweetheart for wearing a nice shirt but then you take in his deep blue gaze. His eyes are darker than when you saw them in the elevator, or the post room, or the stairwell. He looks hungry, you feel like you’re the only people in the room.

You maintain eye contact with him while his eyes wander the rest of your body. It’s electric being underneath his gaze. He picks up the pencil. You see his eyes travel over your breasts, down to your stomach and past your legs, then back to your eyes.

You break eye contact, still trying to deny your smile, hoping no one else noticed who you were looking at.

~~~

“I do life drawing was a stretch.” John approaches you, passing you a glass. You’re in your casual dress now, the biggest smile on your face. You feel like you’ve been caught red handed and you revel in it.

“I may have been slightly disingenuous.” You laugh, “thank you.” You take the glass, immediately taking sips because you don’t want to talk and ruin whatever this was.

“See you next week y/n, great lines!” A young woman waves.

“Great lines!” You repeat the inside joke.

John smiles, you looked so happy, in your element.

“I’m an old man, you could’ve killed me with this stunt.” John says quietly, “you are absolutely stunning, love.” He says even more quieter, low so you have to concentrate, the world evaporating around you. His eye contact is devoted, fevered.

“I was sure you could handle it.” The wine giving you courage to look him in the eyes. “Your sketches were pretty good.” You touch his forearm.

“Bollocks.” He laughs. You enjoy how he towers over everyone in the studio, the greys in his beard more apparent as well as his thick neck, chest hairs just visible at his spread collar.

“They were pretty shit,” you laugh “why did you give me such tiny hands and feet!” You’re both laughing, giddy.

“Alright wind your neck in - I’m coming back next week, so get used to naf drawings.” He reaches out and taps your bicep, giving you a wink. You like his light and respectful touches.

“Would you consider posing nude? You’d be very welcome from the usual men we get.” You say quietly.

“Is that so?” He waits for you to dig your ditch deeper.

“Mmm hmm.”

“Older? Greyer?” He teases.

“I prefer built and distinguished.” You tease back, disarming him with your clothes on, for a change.

“Any excuse to get my kit off, ey.” He teases, quietly.

“I asked nicely.” You sass him back quietly, hyper aware of the people topping up their glasses nearby.

“Can I walk you home?” He asks, waiting again for your go-ahead, knowing you’d be walking in the same direction anyway.

“I’d love that.” You say, heart hammering in your chest.

You left the stragglers in the studio and walked into autumn night side by side laughing about something. John felt light, unburdened and content. You were feeling emboldened but nervous, you didn’t want the night to end but you had a feeling John was not one to push, he seemed old school and traditional.

You both reached the fifth floor landing, finishing a story about his job taking him to the Adriatic Sea.

“Y/n, I’m going to be away for the next few days,” your heart sinks, “but when I know my schedule, I’d love to take you out, you know, the proper way.”

“Proper way?”

“With your clothes on.” He said while standing straighter like a drill sergeant. You burst out laughing, blushing at your own audacity of inviting him to the session. You were never very good at flirting.

“I didn’t hear you complaining.”

“You’re right about that.” His eyes smile. You want to fall into them.

There’s a pause and you reach out on tiptoes, you kiss him lightly on his cheek, his hands are light and fleeting on your waist.

“Goodnight, love.”

Once you’re in your flat, you wave at him through the gap in the door, of course he’d wait to see me indoors safe, and why did I bloody wave?! You lock your door and quietly squeal, feeling the ghost of his hands and gaze on you.

John drops his keys on the kitchen counter and leans against it, laughing. She’s something else, he thinks. He unbuttons his shirt, knowing he’s going to need a cold shower if he wants to get a wink of sleep tonight.

#captain price x female reader #captain price x y/n #captain price x you #cod fanfic #john price x female reader #john price x y/n #captain price x reader #john price x reader #john price x you #captain price

277 notes · View notes

yandere-sins · 1 year

Note

After reading your yan! Ghost & König (both amazing btw!) I was thinking, what if there was a new soldier who decided to mess with their darling w/o knowing about the yandere OR they get warned by others and still do it anyway

Thanks for requesting! ♥

Warning: Yandere, Sexual Content, Violence

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

Ghost

♡ Against anyone's expectations, Ghost does barely anything to put the soldier in his place at first. He laughs when he's told the news, knowing better than anyone it doesn't matter. See, he has long worn you down. You are not as stupid as to engage with some random kid that tries to get close to you (aware or not who you belong to). Still, when he sees you uncomfortably trying to shimmy your way out of a conversation, Ghost will take pity on his beloved, walking up between you two and leading you out of the situation, wrapping his arm around you and throwing a mocking glance over his shoulder at the newbie who he never even spoke a word to. It's nothing to get angry about. Alas, he finds it a bit funny knowing how you walked away with Ghost without any hesitations, almost as if you had been waiting for him. Makes him mighty proud of his darlin'.

♡ However, if he finds out that the soldier did it on purpose, Ghost might initiate some revenge on the poor lad, asking the quartermaster to change his bed with the guy that is bunking next to the newby so he can give that kid a show of what he'll never have. It's a tiny space and much too open for the privacy Simon normally wants. But having you kneel before him like he's your god, making you choke on his dick and forcing you to take it all before fucking you right next to the person who wanted a chance with you, having you scream and moan for Ghost as he asks you who you belong to, is just such a delicious revenge. One that the soldier will never forget, especially not when Ghost throws you on top of him and fuck you from behind while the soldier lies there horrified by the sight (and hard as fuck) while you get pounded silly by Ghost. It should be enough to make him back off, especially when Ghost shows off his cum dripping from you as he lifts you into his arms, your legs wrapping around him just like he taught you to, telling that newbie to respect his elders next time and control his hands if he wants to keep them.

König

♡ Well, that's a problem if he ever saw one. As someone who's anxious himself, König can imagine how uncomfortable the advances of someone you don't know are. He got alerted to the trouble and, frankly, is pissed it didn't resolve itself by the time he got to you. There's a reason he keeps you at base—to keep you safe. No one gets to go to his little room and think they can chat you up and risk this safety he made sure of. Except... König didn't expect you to not be uncomfortable. You almost seem eager, a small smile on your lips as you finally get to converse with someone other than him (secretly, as you thought), and it makes him even angrier. He was ready to scare away the unwanted suitor, but the only person scared is you as you stare at his towering form standing behind your new acquaintance, his eyes full of murderous intent.

♡ There's a loud crash and a squeal, but all that is left behind of the commotion is a bloody trail leading to König's room. König shows no mercy as he drags the wounded soldier over the floor and into the privacy of his quarters by the leg, having just thrown him against a few crates to the point of the new guy falling unconscious. You don't make a sound, only step aside with your head hanging low, unable to keep yourself from trembling at the sudden outburst. König will tie the poor guy to a chair before directing his attention to you, taking off his gloves to cup your face and pull you close to him, forcing you to meet his gaze. "Are you okay?" he asks, eyes roaming your body as if it had been you who got beaten up, but when you nod your head, König nuzzles you through his mask, whispering a tender warning to never speak with someone other than him again, it is way too dangerous, before picking you up and placing you in his lap as you two wait for the soldier to wake up so König can give him a few reminders with his fist—the same hand that gently rubs your back and holds you in his embrace—to stay the fuck away from you.

552 notes · View notes

pedroshotwifey · 2 months

Text

To The Flame chapter 11

Series masterlist

Pairing: Dark Javier Peña x Fem!reader

Chapter word count: 3.9k

Chapter tags/warnings: angst, toxic relationship, fighting, manipulation, mental and physical abuse, major anxiety/panic attacks, chronic overthinking, controlling behavior, unhealthy idolization, stuff I'm probably forgetting

Chapter summary: WAKALA!!

A/N: Welcome to the deep, babes. Get comfy because we're not coming back up :)

*****

You wake up to a cold bed. Again.

You get up quick, whipping your head around the room and trying to find your husband, who you know for a fact has the weekend off. When you find he’s not in your bedroom, you check the bathroom, then the hall, and every room until you’re sure you’re left in an empty apartment.

He’s not here, which means you’re left alone again in your much too quiet apartment. It’s been a long week for you; all your time spent renovating the apartment with nobody to talk to. You’ve been looking forward to him just being home for the day almost as much as you had been looking forward to your forgotten date last night.

That pang of hurt that had fallen asleep cradled in your chest last night comes back full force. You quickly push it down as you try to rationalize your thoughts. Maybe he’s out getting breakfast, or maybe he forgot something at the embassy. He could be picking something up from the hardware shop in town.

You fold your arms around your torso and glance at the clock, scratching the breakfast idea upon seeing it’s about 11:30am. Wherever he is, you just wish he would have told you where he was going beforehand—or at least that he was going to go somewhere in the first place. You scan around the apartment one more time, checking every surface for a note, but come up empty.

That’s fine, you tell yourself. You’re sure he’ll be back soon. You decide to get ready for the day and brush it off as much as you can.

Back in your bedroom, you pull out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before brushing your teeth and pulling them both on. You try not to glance at Javi’s side of the closet as you dress. Some part of you is almost angry at him for leaving like this, which only serves to make you feel guilty. It’s not like he’s doing anything wrong. He’s a grown man who can make his own decisions. You’re not his mom.

You decide after a cup of coffee that you’ll work on getting the stains out of the hardwood today. It’s a strenuous job, but it’ll keep you from brewing while you wait for your husband to get home. A bucket and scrub bush later, you’re kneeling on the living room floor, sudsing up one of the sections that had been hidden by a rug.

You try to keep your mind off of him as you work, knowing you’ll just get fired up if you keep feeding yourself annoyances. It half works. You honestly just can’t shake that sadness at the fact that he did indeed leave you alone. It may be selfish, but you just don’t understand why he would want to go anywhere when he’s finally getting a day to be with you.

But by the time you’re done with the apartment, the floors spotless and you drenched in sweat four hours later, he’s not back. You hadn’t even realized how long you’d been working for, a ball of worry now dropping low into your stomach. There’s no reason he should be gone this long on his day off. Surely he would have told you first even if he was, right?

You sit on the drying floor for a few moments, chewing your lip as you contemplate your next step. It doesn’t settle well with you, but you decide you’ll clean this mess, then get a shower and prepare dinner, and if he’s not back by then, you’ll make some calls.

There’s still a hollow spot in your stomach as you shower, and it only grows once you step out to find that he’s still not back. But you tell yourself to calm the fuck down, and go prepare dinner anyway. If he did go to work, he probably wouldn’t be home for a couple more hours anyway.

It’s a task to ignore your gut as you get dinner ready, unsure if it’s good or bad that it’s one of the most time-consuming meals to make. You make the dough, wash and cut your ingredients, make the filling, and put it all together in a flurry of anxiety and building dread.

You swear your lip has bruises on it from how hard you’ve been biting it as you work. Awful thoughts run through you as you clean up and put the dish in the fridge for later. Thoughts of him stuck somewhere without help, of him wounded or—

You blanch just at the thought of that, nausea rolling not just through your stomach, but wracking your entire body. He’s told before how dangerous his job is, how much more he’ll be working in person to down criminals here in Colombia. What if he didn’t have backup? What if he was taken? But he shouldn’t even be at work today…

You can’t even fathom the thought of him one day not coming back to you. Just ceasing to exist one day and leaving you alone again. How would you survive without him? Without his love? Without loving him in return?

Your hand comes up to cover your mouth as you will yourself to take steadying breaths, not realizing how much you’ve started shaking. You look at the clock. It’s almost 8:30pm. He’s been gone for at least eight or nine hours now.

That’s it, you’re calling the embassy. Javi had told you not to unless it’s an emergency, but you would consider this such. You storm into the living room and dial with shaky hands, trying to keep down your anxiety. You lift the receiver and bite your nails as you listen to it ring. And ring. And ring. You curse and try again, only for the phone to go unanswered again.

You groan in frustration and slam the receiver back, hot tears springing to your eyes as the panic within you starts to rise. You’ll just have to go down there. You know Javi wouldn’t want you to do that, but what the hell else are you supposed to do? You can’t take the risk of not doing anything if it turns out he’s missing—or worse.

You hurry back to the bedroom and tug a coat from the closet, throwing it on and heading to the hall to shove your shoes on, remembering that you haven’t yet explored the city. Hopefully you’ll be able to find your way based on memory.

Just as you’re about to reach for the doorknob, it turns. Your stomach churns and you feel the urge to throw up again as your worry somehow both increases and dulls for different reasons. You step back as the door opens to reveal Javi, a bit tired looking but uninjured.

You don’t give him a single second before you thrust yourself into his arms, babbling into his chest and trying to stop your tears that suddenly stream down your cheeks. You hadn’t realized how worked up you had gotten. His arms wrap around you and he takes a few steps to lead you back through the doorway and closes the door behind you.

“Woah, sweetheart, slow down for me,” he tries to sooth you though his own voice is a bit frantic. “Tell me what’s going on, honey.”

You back away from him just enough to get some semblance of your thoughts back in order. He looks extremely worried, his hands moving to lift your arms one at a time and then your chin, assessing you for any injuries.

“I d-didn’t know where you were,” you start, watching him carefully. “I woke up and you were gone even though it’s the weekend and I waited all day because I thought you would be here and you didn’t come back so I called your work because I thought you were hurt or—”

You’re lucky you run out of breath because your choked sob would have stopped you otherwise. You cover your eyes and take a deep but ragged breath. Javi’s hands quickly come to your wrists, trying to gently tug them away. When your hands are back down with his, you see him kneeling before you, his own eyes laced with worry.

“Honey, I’m so sorry. I got called in while you were still asleep and I didn’t realize how long I’d be there for. I—”

He stops as he takes in your entire outfit for apparently the first time since he got here. His brows furrow and you sniffle. His gaze comes back up to you after, his eyes cold now. It makes you rear back a bit, putting a few more inches between the two of you. He stands and watches as your expression turns to one of confusion.

“Javi? Wha–”

“Where the hell were you going?” He bites it out quick, his tone more demanding than you’ve heard before. Your face scrunches up slightly, a bit of anger ebbing into your previous anxiety. That’s what he wants to talk about? Your mood changes so quick it almost gives you whiplash, all other emotions siphoning into anger and agitation. He doesn’t get to disappear all day and then come home and question you.

“I was coming to find you,” you tell him, stepping toward him as if to dare him to use that tone again, though your tone was just as harsh. A muscle ticks in his jaw.

“Why the hell would you do that?”

You gape at him. Is he being serious?

“I was worried sick! You really think I’m supposed to just wait around while you could have been dead in an alley somewh—”

“Yes, that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do,” he counters with a steely voice.

You don’t even know what to say to that.

“You were gone all day, are you really going to fucking grill me right now? You didn’t even leave me a note and the embassy didn’t pick up. How am I supposed to know you were actually at work?” You know that your anger is coming out of seemingly nowhere, but after stewing in your anxiety all day, it’s not hard to provoke you. You also know that last accusation was a low blow, and you regret it as soon as it’s out of your mouth.

“You know you shouldn’t be going out without me,” he bites, luckily choosing to ignore that last quip. You can feel his own temper rising, and it does nothing but increase your own. He’s not winning this, not after his stunt today.

“I can go out if I want to go out,” you spit, crossing your arms.

He lets out a warning chuckle, shaking his head. “ Not here you can’t, you fucking know that.”

“Yes I damn well can! You don’t own me, I’m not just going to stay stuck in the apartment all day and night every day of the year!”

You can feel the tension rising between the two of you, but you don’t back down. There’s fury simmering deep, and you’re not about to agree to playing rapunzel for much longer.

“Will you just fucking drop it? It’s for your own good!”

It’s making you sick, how quickly this is turning into something bigger, but you can’t stop even though your brain is screaming to let it go.

“No, I won’t ‘just fucking drop it’, Javi! I’m not some dog you can just keep at home while you go out and do whatever!”

He takes a step toward you, warning clear in the hardness of his eyes and the clench of his jaw.

“I don’t understand why you’re making this such an issue, I’m trying to keep you safe,” he growls. “Do you not get that it’s dangerous here? You could be kidnapped, killed, raped.”

“Well then maybe you shouldn’t have brought us here!” you cry, taking a step towards him as well. “I’m sick of not having any freedom!” It’s true; you’ve missed being able to go out, but you haven’t brought it up until now. You’d assumed it would change within the next few weeks, but it doesn’t sound now like that would have been super likely.

“Oh is that what it is? You’re a slave now?”

You rub your eyes and groan exasperatedly, getting more and more frustrated. Every bit of annoyance you’ve ignored from the last couple of months is starting to stir together in your head.

“That’s not what I fucking said! I’m just tired of not being able to do what I want.”

You realize right after you say it how childish that sounds, but you stand up straighter and look hard into his eyes as you ignore the impulse to wince.

Javi lifts his arms and looks around pointedly.

“You have plenty of shit to do here! I bring you whatever you want, but no, it’s not good enough is it?”

You’ve never heard him speak this way; not to you or anyone else. It immediately brings tears to your eyes. You again feel like you’re acting like a child, and it frustrates you beyond comprehension. Does he really feel like you’re that much of an annoyance?

“God damn it, Javi, stop putting words in my mouth!” You get closer to him, putting an accusing finger on his chest as you look into his eyes to try to get your point across. “I have nothing here right now, I feel fucking lonely,” you choke back a sob at the admission. “Most of my shit was left in Texas and now you’re not even around anymore to keep me company. I can’t call my sister and I don’t have any friends. I’m tired of being so alone.”

Javi bites his cheek, nodding at you. “Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucking come with me.”

The ache in your chest spreads, pieces of you cracking with each word that comes from his mouth . You don’t want to believe it’s real. This is Javi. Your Javi. Why are you fighting? What’s happening? You want it to end, but your mouth moves too quickly for you to stop it. You’re too heated to have any kind of effect on the retorts slipping so easily off your tongue. He’s making it sound like he can care less if you were with him or not. Like he doesn’t need you like you need him. It hurts.

But even so, you still take the bait. “Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have.” The words hurt coming out, but you don’t take them back.

He puts his hands on his hips and backs away, laughing exasperatedly at you. “You’re acting like a spoiled fucking brat. Everything I’ve done is to make you happy, and it’s still not enough.” He looks down at you with what could be called disdain, and you suddenly want to break down as a shameful feeling embeds itself somewhere deep inside of you. He looks angry, more angry than you’ve ever seen him before. “You’re acting like you’re stuck with me, when I’m the one who married you to get you out of your damn house for being a slut!”

Your eyes widen and your body trembles as the blood drains from your face. What did he just say? It suddenly feels like you’re floating, everything around you disappearing until it’s only you and Javi left.

“W-what?” your voice is weak as you struggle to even get the word out through your gasps for breath. It feels like your heart is crumbling, a sudden ringing in your ears being the only distraction from it. Tears fall from your eyes, blurring your vision even as you try to blink them away. You don’t understand. Javi would never say something like that to you.

He looks for a moment like he’s going to apologize, scoop you up in his arms and beg you to forgive him. You can see it in the way regret flashes across his face, softening his gaze and making his lips part like he just realized what he said. But then he steels himself, stands up straight, and crosses his arms.

“You heard me. It’s your own damn fault.”

You watch him, your body now tensing with a pain beyond physical. You want to fucking scream at all of the emotions tearing you apart from the inside. You’re on the brink of a panic attack, your head going light as you try to understand what’s really happening. You almost startle when you hear a voice, only to realize it belongs to you.

“N-no, I-” It’s not your fault, it can’t be. You look down to the floor, mouth gaping as you try to find something to say. When you look back up, all remorse is gone from Javi’s expression. It flips something within you, and before you can stop it, you're rushing to him, tears of pain and frustration turning to those of unabashed anger.

“Fuck you! I fucking hate you!” You practically scream the words as your fists pound on his chest.

He grabs onto you, yelling something that sounds like “stop”, but you can’t hear properly through the fog that’s taken over your brain. All you can focus on is deflecting these emotions that have welled up inside you, the ache in your chest. He shoves you, and you falter but keep going. You want to crawl somewhere and hide for a long fucking time.

And you know as soon as it happens, that you messed up. A sting radiates across your cheek, and your vision blurs for a reason other than tears. All the air leaves your lungs and your legs turn to jelly as you descend to the floor.

You almost don’t understand how you got there until you look up and see Javi standing above you, heaving with his hand still raised. He’s positively fuming, watching you with a fiery rage.

Regret takes over you immediately. You did do this. You made him hit you. He would never do that if he didn’t have to. You were hurting him and… Your cheek begins to pound and you bring a hand up to feel it, only to flinch away when your fingers make contact with the sensitive flesh.

Javi watches you for another second, and then turns his back, making you spring into action even though you’re still in a terrible daze. The scared leap of your heart is enough to get you up.

“No, no, no, I’m sorry, wait, please–”

You’re still crying and sniffling as you crawl part way and then stumble to your feet to catch him before he goes. He already has one hand on the doorknob, keys in hand when you reach him and he stops.

“Javi, please, I didn’t mean it, I—please don’t leave, I’m sorry!” You’re in hysterics as you grab onto him, waiting for him to wrap his arms around you and forgive you for being so immature. But he just stands there, letting you sob into the same chest you’d been hitting seconds earlier.

You’re shaking violently as your body wracks with your tears, feeling nauseous from the whole situation you just created. You don’t know how long you stand there before he finally reciprocates your affection and pulls you closer. He cups the back of your head to him and gently rubs your back, shushing you quietly.

“Shh, I know baby,” he coos, his voice a stark opposite from the one that spat those hurtful words just minutes earlier. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”

Your relief is immediate, your sobbing settling as you can finally get a calming breath back in.

He forgives you. It’s okay. He forgives you.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper anyway, the words echoing in your empty head as your mouth moves of its own accord.

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispers back, ducking his head down to plant a kiss on yours. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it.”

You nod, more for yourself than for him. It’s only now that you can feel the exhaustion seeping in, the fighting and crying having taken a lot out of you.

“Can we go to bed, please?” You ask in a voice that’s barely audible. Everything feels fake right now, it’s a strange sensation, almost as if you’re in a dream. It all feels so overwhelming. Not just the emotions, but the lighting and the bright colors around you. The feeling of Javi’s shirt against your cheek as you cling to him.

Javi says nothing but carefully scoops you up to carry you to the bedroom. When he sets you back down, you close your eyes and let him undress you until you’re left in your panties, and then he helps you lay down.

You get comfortable, making sure not to lay on your numb and throbbing cheek. He crawls in a moment after you, clad in his boxers. He turns the bedside lamp off and then pulls you to him, letting you cuddle up into his side and place your head on his chest.

You lay there with him for a moment, your eyes stinging even in the dark as you try not to think about how different the outcome could have been. You’re so lucky that he didn’t leave you all alone after what you did. He stayed and comforted you, even after you’d taken him for granted and treated him so terribly.

“I’m sorry,” you can’t help but say again, your voice hoarse and small. “I love you.” There are still tears crawling down your face, but they feel thin, like you’re about to be out.

Javi holds you tighter and whispers back to you in the dark. “I know, baby. I love you too.”

He loves you. It’s okay.

There’s another few minutes of silence where you contemplate a risky question. You’re sure Javi probably thinks you’re asleep by now, but your mind doesn’t rest that easily. You just need to make sure he’s not at all mad at you anymore; you know you won’t be able to fall asleep without knowing, that you’ll fall back into a panic if you don’t make sure things are as perfect as they can be. You need things to be normal.

You weigh the possibilities of his reaction, and then decide to take a chance by asking anyway. You make sure to use your sweetest voice as you do so, just in case.

“Javi?”

There’s a beat of silence.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

You swallow before biting the bullet.

“Will you still take me on our date? Since you’ll be with me…”

You hear him mutter a quiet curse, but you can tell it’s not out of anger for you, but the realization that he had forgotten all about it.

“Yes, carino. I’ll take you on your date.” His voice is warmer now, relaxed.

You smile in the dark, the last of your panic simmering into nothing with the reassurance that you’re forgiven.

“Go to sleep now, I promise I’ll be here in the morning.” One of his hands comes up to pet your hair, soothing you in a way that you need right now.

He loves you. It’s okay. You’re okay.

You nod lightly and let your slightly-puffy eyelids flutter shut, allowing yourself to relax as you whisper another ‘I love you’. You fall asleep within the next few minutes, comforted by the rise and fall of his chest, the weight of his gentle hand, and the knowledge that you didn’t ruin it all.

*****

I would love some feedback on this one to see where we're at! I love you all and I hope this chapter met your expectations 💕

As usual, the taglist is always open! lmk if you would like to be put on or taken off! <3

Series taglist: @corazondebeskar @yorksgirl @nerdieforpedro @axshadows @melaninmommy @survivingandenduring @kewwrites @oldenoughtoknowbettersstuff @callachloe @missladym1981 @sofiparallel @koshkaj-blog @sheepdogchick3 @movievillainess721 @jessie8605 @casa-boiardi @justlulu @iamsherlocked-1998 @hjzghi-blog

125 notes · View notes

honeybrowne · 2 years

Text

𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐒 — 𝐀𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐍𝐄𝐑

— summary: when you're intimate with your boyfriend for the first time, you come to a realization you can't keep to yourself.

— pairing: aaron hotchner x female reader

— content: first-time sex; virgin!reader; fluff; love confession; mild dirty talk; unprotected p in v, hand job, male receiving oral, cream pie, cockwarming; no use of y/n [2.3k words]

— author's note: there's absolutely no excuse for my first fic being entirely smut, but it is lmao. i love aaron being a horny fucker and that's exactly what he is in this. enjoy 🖤

navigation . masterlist

He didn't mean for it to happen. It just sort of did.

As much as it was out of his control and entirely not his fault, Aaron struggled to hide the blush that crept up his neck and cheeks, absolutely mortified and praying you couldn't feel it.

Whether innocent or not, a simple touch was all it took because it was you: the woman he had fallen so desperately in love with and wanted more than he ever wanted anyone in his life.

And it didn't help that he knew you were only wearing his t-shirt and a pair of panties.

Aaron cleared his throat and carefully scooted away from you, trying not to seem too obvious and draw attention to the growing bulge in his pants that was just pressed against your backside.

You turned your head to look at him when he retracted his arms from you, seeing a forced, tight-lipped smile on his lips.

Something was wrong, but you weren't sure of what. Aaron noticed your confusion, allowing him to breathe easier... you didn't feel it.

"Why'd you move away?" you asked, a sleepy frown on your face that he thought was adorable.

"I'm feeling a little hot," he responded, not entirely a lie because he did feel hot, just not in the way you may interpret it.

"Then take your sweatpants off."

His cock twitched at your words despite knowing that wasn't how you meant it, but the wrong head was currently doing all the thinking.

"Baby, I'm too tired. Let's just go to sleep," Aaron offered because taking his pants off was the worst thing he could do, given his awkward predicament.

The two of you hadn't taken that step in your relationship yet. You had been honest with him about your lack of experience regarding sex, and he had no problem letting you control when, how, and if it would happen. The last thing he wanted was to push you to do something you weren't ready for. It had taken you a few months of dating to get comfortable enough to wear less clothing around him, which Aaron was okay with.

It was slow progress, but he was patient... for the most part.

You huffed and started pushing the sheets away, shifting onto your knees beside him. "You've had a long few days, so I'll take them off... for you," you finished quietly, words dying in your throat when you saw the outline of his cock through his pants.

Aaron pressed his head back into the pillow, hand flying over his face because he was humiliated.

He felt like a hormonal teenager, and what made matters even worse was that this wasn't the first time you've stayed over at his place and slept in his bed. He had been the big spoon with you before, but for some reason, now he couldn't hide his desperation for you.

"I'm sorry," Aaron sighed. "I didn't want you to feel it, much less see it."

Your bottom lip was pulled between your teeth when he looked back at you, your eyes fixed on his crotch because the size was impressive, but you quickly snapped out of it and met his gaze. "Can I— um... touch it?"

His eyes widened at the request, and he glanced down at your hands to see them gripping the sheets, your legs squeezing together in search of relief. You were getting turned on, and it shouldn't have sent a shiver of excitement through him because had you remained oblivious to it, you wouldn't have asked. This was clearly forcing the issue... or perhaps giving you the confidence you'd been lacking to say something.

"Baby, you don't have to do that. I know you're—"

"I want to," you said quickly, cutting him off because you've been thinking about doing it for so long.

After a moment, Aaron nodded, slightly hesitant because you hadn't done this before. Not that he expected this to end how he hoped it would, he was still nervous about it. Being someone's first for anything bears a lot of pressure, and he trusted himself to make yours memorable, but he couldn't ignore the anxiety bubbling in his stomach.

However, when your fingers barely grazed his hardness, his eyes fluttered shut as a heavy sigh released from his chest.

The sound prompted you to palm him firmly and feel him as best as you could through the layers of fabric. His hand rested on your lower back as you did, thumb caressing the exposed skin softly.

You weren't doing much, but it was amazing because it was you, and Aaron allowed himself to relax and enjoy it, letting you explore him at your own pace.

Wanting more, you moved to straddle his thighs and reached for his waistband. He lifted his hips to help you undress him, releasing his erection that laid beautifully against his lower stomach, the tip flushed and leaking. You let out a little whimper at the sight, wetting your lips and looking at him for his permission.

Aaron gave it to you quickly, and you wrapped your hand around him, feeling his cock firm, warm, and smooth. He was thick, your fingers barely meeting, and it made your mouth water.

"Fuck," he rasped when you began to pump him slowly. "Just like that, baby. So good."

His words went straight to your dripping core, already aching with unbearable need. You continued your movements, tightening your hand a little, and when you did, his face twisted in a look of pleasure as his hips jerked.

Once his breathing began to quicken, you knew he was getting close. Eager to please, you dropped your mouth onto him, soft lips wrapping around his cock, and Aaron hissed through his teeth at the sudden added sensation... so warm and wet. He even laughed at his reaction, but it devolved into a groan when his tip hit the back of your throat, making you gag slightly.

There was no method to your movements—you had no idea what you were doing—but you could tell he was enjoying it. You continued bobbing your head, your tongue flat against the underside of his cock as you stroked the parts of him your mouth couldn't reach with one hand, the other feeling the muscles of his abdomen flex.

It had reduced him to almost nothing, whispers of your name passing through his lips, making you feel incredible.

After a few more strokes, Aaron tapped your cheek lightly, urging you off of him. He gave you a dopey smile, gently squeezing your hip.

"Was that okay?" you asked nervously.

He tugged you closer and kissed you softly, groaning into your mouth when your hand continued moving up and down his length. "That was perfect, baby. I wouldn't have been able to hold on much longer if you kept going."

You smiled, and his hand tangled in your hair, gliding down to the back of your neck to deepen the kiss, slipping his tongue into your mouth and tasting himself on you. It was messy, desperate, and so fucking salacious it drove him wild, and you could feel your panties becoming damper by the second.

"I want you," you mumbled against his lips. "I'm ready."

Aaron pulled back to appreciate the view of you on top of him, your hair slightly disheveled, lips swollen, and eyes filled with lust and desire. He swore you've never looked more beautiful... you're perfect.

"Are you sure?" he asked despite seeing how much you were, but he needed the assurance, and you nodded eagerly. "Hold onto my arms or shoulders, baby, and squeeze when it hurts. Okay?"

"Okay," you agreed, and he guided you onto your back, hovering over you.

"Inhale and exhale when I tell you," Aaron said, waiting for a verbal response before lining himself up, and you nodded again. "I need you to say it, sweetheart."

"Inhale and exhale when you tell me to," you confirmed, and he smiled, kissing your lips once more.

Satisfied, he ran a finger up your slit, making you moan softly, and he stroked himself a few times to give him a second to mentally prepare for this. You were going to ruin him; he just knew it.

"Alright, baby," Aaron murmured, positioning his tip at your entrance. "Take a deep breath in for me," he directed, and you did, closing your eyes and bracing yourself with your hands on his arms. "Good girl… and exhale," he said, pushing himself into you, evoking a gasp from your throat. "That's it, baby. You're doing so well."

Your eyes watered at the foreign intrusion, hands gripping his biceps so tight you were afraid you'd leave bruises behind. The initial twinge of pain subsided within seconds, pleasure replacing it.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Aaron dipped his head to kiss your neck, trying to keep his hips still. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you swallowed. "It feels different but good."

He chuckled and lifted your legs higher around his waist to give himself more room to start moving when you were ready. "I'll take it, but remember, you're in charge. Tell me when to speed up, slow down, move—"

"Move," you interrupted. "Please move, baby."

Once he was sure you were okay, he succumbed to the feeling of your warmth. He closed his eyes, taking a steadying breath as he thrust into you. Your walls squeezed him tight, producing the most resounding groan you'd ever heard.

Aaron kept one hand on your hip, then placed his other on the headboard, knuckles turning white from his fierce and unrelenting grip.

Bliss rippled through your skin, an unfamiliar feeling beginning to build in the pit of your stomach that you chased. He could see your hunger, your back arching off the bed, and fingers curling into the sheets.

You whined in displeasure when he stopped moving. "I just want to hold you," he murmured into your ear, wrapping his arms around you to press you against him.

It was hard for you to do anything other than hold on for dear life as he began snapping his hips roughly, burying your face in his neck and inhaling his scent. He was intoxicating, invading all of your senses and claiming you as his own. You'd give him anything he asked for, needing to be his in every possible way.

"Aaron," you cried, the tip of his cock stroking your most sensitive spot deep inside you.

"I know, baby," he breathed. "I know."

Your continuous whimpers and pleas reverberated off his bedroom walls, sending chills down his spine, spurring him on. He had never heard a sweeter sound than you begging him to come, loving how it made him feel.

He wanted you to come too, to feel you squeeze him tight as ecstasy took over your body. It was the only thing he could focus on, and he brought a hand down to rub your clit with precision, seeking out your orgasm more than his own.

That unfamiliar feeling in your belly peaked, then a wave of pleasure crashed over you, your body trembling and writhing beneath him as he talked you through your high.

His weight kept you in place, his strong arms just another thing to keep you anchored to him. His breathing began to quicken and his heart racing, no longer from physical exertion.

Aaron struggled to speak, words failing him, and he swallowed. "Where?"

"What?"

"Where do you want me?" he gritted out.

"Inside of me, please," you begged, running your tongue along the vein on his neck.

Even if he tried to stay composed, there was no way he'd be able to after that, wholly and utterly ruined by you. Aaron knew he was screwed the first time you kissed him, but this... this would undoubtedly be the death of him.

He came with another grunt, painting your walls as he struggled to hold himself up. "Shit."

Thoroughly spent, he collapsed on top of you and covered your body with his, staying nestled inside. You felt at peace, like the most crucial piece to the puzzle was finally clicked into place. There was nothing better than this—you were sure of it—and you realized something that nearly stole the air out of your lungs.

You love him.

The thought should've made you panic slightly, but it didn't. You could only smile, and Aaron felt it, lifting his head to look at you.

"What?" he smiled back, kissing you lazily.

"I love you."

His body froze, his lips stilling. There was no way you just said that.

"What?" he repeated.

You carded your fingers through his hair, pressing your forehead against his. "I said I love you."

The silence you were met with made your stomach twist. It had taken Aaron a second to fully understand what you were expressing to him. You'd just knocked the air out of his lungs, an overwhelming blow after experiencing the best sex of his life. There was only so much he could handle at once.

"If you don't feel the same, that's okay," you continued. "I just wanted you to—"

His mouth covered yours again, the words you were about to say dissolving into a breath of surprise. "I love you too. I'm sorry, I just wasn't expecting you to say that."

You exhaled in relief, a sheepish smile pulling at your lips. "Well, I wasn't planning on telling you. It just happened."

"I'm glad you did," he promised, nuzzling his nose against your cheek. "How do you feel?"

"Full."

Aaron snorted. "Yeah, I'm a little nervous to pull out and make a mess."

"Then don't," you murmured, bringing him in for another kiss. "I like the way it feels to have you inside. It makes me feel safe."

An emotion you've seen before shimmered in his eyes but never knew what it meant. You figured the words he repeated back to you just moments before had something to do with it, a physical declaration of his love for you.

He understood what you meant when you said you felt safe because he did too. You were the closest to 'home' he'd ever get, and if this was where you wanted him, he had no intentions of leaving.

#aaron hotchner #hotch #criminal minds #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner x you #hotch x reader #hotch x fem!reader #hotch x you #aaron hotchner smut #hotch smut #aaron hotchner fluff #hotch fluff #aaron hotchner fanfiction #hotch fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #.writing

2K notes · View notes

fieldsofbats · 9 months

Text

a family man : könig x fem!reader

summary: könig wants to know why he hasn't met your family.

tw: bad relationship with mother, mentions of difficult childhood, trust issues reader. please let me know if i have missed anything x

a/n this is completely self-indulging and for v specific audience. mummy issues unite! also my first longer fic :))

you wanted to turn and slam the door in his face, but you knew that would make the situation worse. instead you pushed it open and left it where is slammed against the wall. he followed you into your room, closing the door behind him. each step brought him closer to you and thats all that mattered to him. closer equal comfort, but you felt so far away.

"i just don't understand why its such a big deal?" he whined again. it was the same thing over and over for the pas two weeks. when can i meet your family? why haven't you introduced me? does your family know about me? of course they know about him. well some of them.

you sighed and sat on your desk chair taking off your work boots and socks. it broke your heart a tiny bit to keep answering him the same thing, not strong enough yet to explain to him why you didn't let him meet your family yet.

"it's not a big deal. just...it's difficult." you answered, rushed to think of a new excuse. this time he started to take his uniform off, keeping his hood securely on. the anxiety in you began to grow and bubble up as his questions grew more reasonable, your internal logic falling apart. and you knew the anxiety was just as high in him, he never kept his hood on once you both entered one of yours bedrooms, his or you own.

"but why?" he paused for a moment, shifting backwards onto his heels in defeat. "do you not see a future with me in it?" his voice was scarily calm through the sentence. a future without him? you couldn't even fathom it. is this what you drove him to? the anxiety died down into guilt for pushing aside königs feelings to maintain your high walls.

it just wasn't that easy. having to explain why you never wanted him to meet your family. formulating a response for him seemed to be near impossible without breaking every rule you had set of yourself. every wall that was carefully built to let him in just enough that you seemed normal. its the dropping of the corners of his eyes from his lips frowning, the new shimmer of tears on his waterline that seem to push you over. fuck.

"there will never be a path in my life without you accompanying me, könig." your hand reached up to brush his face through the hood. tears hand't broken yet as the fabric covering his face was still dry, but his shakey breaths told a different story. "just sit down and let me explain."

he obediently sat on the edge of your bed, at this height he was eye level with you.

"firstly, my family live too far away for us to actually meet them anytime soon. and for what its worth, my father and brother both know about you." his hands gripped tighter on your thighs, mostly for his own comfort. he tilted his head in question. you knew before he asked.

"i am not close to my mother. she is still alive. where? i don't know. she is not a nice woman, she is cruel and controlling. she wasn't the best person to my growing up and became worse as i tried to leave home and have any sense of individuality. so no, you will never meet my mother." you sighed out a breath of relief. finally telling him the truth. the ugly awful truth about your own family and your past.

it worried you so much because he is so close to his mother. she is incredible, the epitome of a women. kind, sweet, generous, caring. she welcomed you with open arms when you met her. she taught you to cook königs favourite childhood meal and didn't kick you out after you made so many mistakes.

his eyes wondered downwards as he nodded. his grip never faltered, but you could see the thoughts processing through his mind. you knew you had blown it. fucked it. completely messed it up. this is why the walls are there. this is why you don't commit to people. this is-

"thats alright, perle. thank you for telling me." his eyes had come back up to you during your spiral of thoughts. he wasn't amazing at using his words but his actions always meant more. his hands had risen from your thighs to your waist, gently rubbing up and down in a soothing motion, tugging your shirt up slightly to expose your skin. his hands, free of there gloves, rubbed against your skin. round in circles, up and down, back and forth.

"you know you can just tell me things. i know its difficult but i hope you know you can trust me." he smiled under the hood, "i love you very much."

with that, you stepped forwards on the bed and straddled his legs. both hands wrapped around his neck, chest to chest in a tight embrace. it was so simple but exactly what you needed to hear. his hands remained on your skin, reaching to the top of you back and then down again.

"i love you very much as well." you whispered back. he hummed back and pressed his face further into you. inhaling and exhaling with comfort. you did the same. his shampoo, his body wash, his sweat, his everything.

a moment passed before he said "i'm more scared to meet your dad honestly." you giggled a little at the comment. kissing the top of his head you stood up and stroked the fabric of his hood.

"you should be."

#cod mw2 #cod mwii #headcanon #konig x reader #konig mw2 #konig x you #konig x female reader #konig #konig fanfiction #konig cod #konig call of duty #kortac #task force 141 #hehehe my first konig fic #kind of ooc but who cares #editing is for losers

171 notes · View notes

would-this-pokemon-be-a-friend · 4 months

Note

Earlier you said a Vulpix made a decent pet, but what about Ninetails?

[Since you mentioned it, I’ll go ahead and include a link to the vulpix post at the bottom as well!]

Unfortunately, I really can’t recommend a ninetales as a pet for a variety of reasons. They sure are majestic, but they are certainly best left in the wild to be observed, rather than kept.

To start, keeping a ninetales in your home wouldn’t be very easy. Sure, a three and a half feet tall is not necessarily too big for many homes (we’ve had equally tall pokémon earn A ranks, after all!), but there’s an added wrinkle brought about by ninetales’ luxurious tails. The pokédex claims that ninetales are an exceptionally vengeful species: grabbing one of their tails could result in a 1000-year curse (Red/Blue)! 1000 years! If you were to incur such a curse, you’ll not only be taking it on yourself, but on your descendants and family as well, for generations (Ultra Sun)! Just look at those tails: could anyone honestly tell me that they could keep a pet with such volumous tails in an enclosed space without them or any of their guests ever pulling or stepping on their ninetales’ tails? It’s a strong indication that this species might not be the best to keep in a human home. That being said, these are remarkably intelligent pokémon, so much so that it has been reported that they can understand human speech (Red/Blue, Sapphire). In the case of an accident, you can always apologize to them and hope they understand. Given their known vindictive and even sinister nature, I wouldn’t take the risk of a misinterpretation (Ruby, Ultra Sun). 1000-year curse!!

Speaking of 1000 years: this species is said to live for that long (Silver, Crystal)! This is a pet that you would have no choice but to pass down to someone else when you die, sort of like a real-world tortoise. It goes without saying that that would be rather inconvenient for a lot of owners. This is a pokémon with a rather curious nature as a result of their equally curious origin: it is claimed in legend that ninetales are the result of groups of 9 noble saints joining together and being reincarnated (Yellow). Whether or not this mythic origin is true or not, it certainly would explain the species’ downright supernatural power. Each of a ninetales’ tails are charged up with different types of mystical energy over time (Gold. Silver, Crystal), which give them the ability to make use of truly devastating attacks.

When you look at ninetales’ move pool, it should be pretty clear why this is a risky creature to take in as a pet. Ninetales can use a barrage of potentially lethal fire-type moves such as Fire Blast, Incinerate, and Inferno. Ninetales may not even need to generate their own fire: it’s said that their mystical abilities give them command over fire in general (Moon)! This species is a veritable fire hazard on legs. Other, non-fire type moves like Confuse Ray and Extrasensory make use of other energies to disorient and harm targets. You definitely don’t want a ninetales mad at you. These pokémon don’t even need to harm you physically to cause problems: using a “sinister light” emitted from their fiery eyes and mouth, ninetales can stun or even control the minds of enemies and prey (Ruby, Ultra Moon). This is an exceptionally dangerous predator we’re talking about.

Overall, I can’t in any semblance of good conscience recommend a ninetales as a pet. These mystical, elegant creatures are a delight to observe in the wild, but bringing them into the home welcomes in so great a risk that you’re more likely to end up worse than better for having them around.

THE VULPIX POST:

#pokémon #pokemon #ninetales #pkmn irl #PR-:(

88 notes · View notes

celestiaras · 6 months

Text

‧₊˚✧ ❛[ his sick darling]❜

ft. hex haywire x gn! reader — xsoleil, nijisanji en

╰₊✧ after losing some parts of your memory for unknown reasons, you seek treatment but your therapist knows a lot more than he lets on┊1.1k words

contains: yandere, malpractice/abuse of power, toxic relationships, manipulation, mentions of reader having family problems & mental illness, talks of violence & murder

➤ author's note: there was a time when my girlfriend and i had the same therapist

therapist! hex haywire whom you click with immediately like a best friend. you were nervous about going to therapy for the first time ever, but his office was so cozy with a comforting ambiance— soothing music playing in the background to drown out any possibly distracting outside noises, a cup of warm sweetened hibiscus tea (which happened to be your favorite brand and flavor), and a fluffy knitted blanket just in case you got cold since he didn’t have control over the building’s air conditioning. his calming deep voice and friendly smile made you feel welcome, calming any anxious feelings you had beforehand within mere minutes of meeting him. there wasn’t any way to explain it, but you felt like you could trust him with your life.

therapist! hex haywire who has so much in common with you! he didn’t want to jump into the serious things in the first session so he asked about your interests to ease any tensions, and surprisingly, he was knowledgeable about everything you brought up. he knew the characters of your favorite series, the theories about your favorite movies, the hidden symbolism of your favorite books, and even the details of media that you weren’t a fan of as if you shared the same recommendations on your streaming services and the same paperback novels on your bookshelves. it was the first time that you could remember where you freely spoke about the things you liked without the worry of being annoying or boring because he genuinely seemed invested in the conversation with you and even seemed disappointed when the timer went off, promising to continue next time.

therapist! hex haywire who feels oddly familiar to you. you can’t quite place your finger on it, you feel like you’ve met him before— maybe in high school or at a party since it would be difficult to forget a face like his, but when you brought it up, he insisted that you could find someone who looks like him at any college campus or library if you paid attention. him knowing so much about your interests was just a coincidence— you know how algorithms work these days with feeding content that fits your tastes perfectly, it isn’t too far-fetched for it to match up! besides, aren’t you happy to have a therapist whom you could bond with so quickly without needing to hop around to find the perfect one?

therapist! hex haywire who always knows exactly what to say when you are feeling down, jotting down notes on his clipboard while comforting you with that silver tongue of his. you’re so frustrated since it feels like it’s been forever since you started, but no noticeable progress has been made. you still have no idea why your memory is so patchy, desperate to know about your past so that you can soothe your curiosity and move on with your life no matter how scary or disturbing it may have been. he’ll reach out to hold your hand under his large one, rubbing circles into the skin and reminding you that everyone heals in different ways and different paces but he promises that he’ll be there with you every step.

therapist! hex haywire who makes your heart flutter even though it’s incredibly improper for a patient to think this way towards a caretaker. he’s handsome, around your age, extremely kind, and knows you better than you know yourself so isn’t it natural as humans to feel attraction in such a situation? it would have been a smart choice to just look for someone else since it’s a clear violation of unspoken rules, but you were already crushing hard and you also didn’t want to restart all of the progress you already made with him over the past few months. surely, it’s just a little puppy crush that will die down on its own, right?

yandere therapist! hex haywire who knows you better than anyone else, even better than your own family whom you ran away from before seeking solace in your relationship with him. you don’t remember, but he certainly does— spending every waking moment thinking about you, every second spent with you, and every word that leaves your lips from the present to the first moment he laid eyes on you.

yandere therapist! hex haywire who’s surprised that you don’t remember him at all after the incident, but is more than pleased to start his new story in your book while leaving the previous pages to remain lost due to your memory loss. although he doesn’t want them to be just lost, he wants them scorched and far past restoration— gone is the psycho ex-boyfriend with flags redder than the blood he spilled for you, and now is the kind therapist who will accompany you in your time of need before eventually blurring the lines of professionalism.

yandere therapist! hex haywire who already knows about your growing attraction to him from your body language: how you’re subconsciously drawn to him, how you mirror his body language, how you inch closer to him when seated— it makes him smile to himself knowing that his charms are working on you just as well as it did when you first got together back then.

yandere therapist! hex haywire who takes advantage of how gullible you are to alienate yourself from the disgusting vermin that you naively call friends so that you’ll depend on him even more, preying on your insecurities and habits of overthinking to make you doubt the ones around you. it’s surprising how much a passing comment from a weekly session could negatively impact your viewpoint about your friends, but it’s only to be expected with someone who has been studying human psychology as extensively as he has.

yandere therapist! hex haywire who faked being shocked when you entered his office one day after fighting with your best friend, all teary-eyed and sniffing while hiding your face from him out of embarrassment. of course, he knew that this would happen, already having a box of tissues out and already predicting how the conversation would go. it took nothing to get you to dance into the palm of his hand, but it was one of the infinite reasons why he loved you so much.

yandere therapist! hex haywire who thinks that maybe getting caught by you while sticking a kitchen knife through the heart of your (then) current lover was perhaps a blessing in disguise. there will never be any words in any language to describe the panic he went through when you fainted and hit your head, but everything worked out perfectly fine. patience is a virtue and he would wait thousands of years if that was what it took to hold you in his arms again, but luckily for him, it was much closer than he thought.

#📜. her works #nijisanji #nijisanji x reader #xsoleil #xsoleil x reader #hex haywire #hex haywire x reader #tw: yandere #tw: blood & violence

81 notes · View notes

celtic-crossbow · 8 months

Text

Whumptober 2023

No. 12 Insomnia | No. 29 Panic | No. 31 “Take it easy.”

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

Setting: Prison Era

Warnings: Hallucinations

“Can’ sleep again?” Daryl drawled, voice rougher than usual with sleep. He lifted his head from the pillow when he felt the mattress dip with your weight. You shook your head, not meeting his eyes. “S’been days, Y/N. Yer startin’ ta look like a walker.”

“You say the nicest things, Dixon.” You got up and stumbled over to the railing of his perch, looking out over the darkness of the cell block. Your body ached. Your head was fuzzy. You felt nauseous and short tempered. But sleep wouldn’t come. No matter how hard you tried. You could only see the faces of the ones you’d lost. Amy. Jim. Dale. Andrea. Shane. Lori. T-Dog. ‘I couldn’t save any of them.’

“Ya can’ keep holdin’ on ta all tha’.”

You quickly looked at him over your shoulder. ‘Was I talking out loud?’

“Yeah, ya were.”

“Shit.” You scrubbed a hand roughly over your face. You really were losing it. Daryl was sitting up now, his knees bent under the thin blanket with his forearms lying over them. He looked genuinely concerned. “I don’t wanna be in this world anymore.” You admitted quietly. “I’m scared to be awake. I’m scared to sleep.” Your lip began to tremble, your body too depleted to fight off the sting of tears threatening to fall. “I’m so tired.”

The archer observed you quietly, his expression unreadable. You weren’t sure why you came to him. You weren’t even sure where things stood with him. There had been gentle touches and whispered words, even a few kisses shared in secret, but most days, he just remained impassive and gruff.

“I should let you get some sleep. I’m sorry I bothered you.” Your feet carried you quickly down the stairs, stumbling over the last step in your haste.

The shower area was dark but the small windows let in just enough moonlight for you to at least see where you were going. Maybe you could just hide away there until morning. Your cell was too small, the terror and memories smothering you. The rest of the prison was inhabited by your small group and a few strangers. People you’d rather not give any reason to worry about you or your usefulness. You had already allowed Daryl to see too much.

“He doesn’t feel that way about you, you know.”

You spun around toward the voice to find the space behind you empty. You could have sworn—

“He doesn’t feel that way about anyone. Daryl is selfish.”

“Lori?” You whispered, spinning around again. And again you were met with no one.

“You’re just a silly little girl. You’re not helping anyone. You never have, never could.”

“Dale?” You whimpered, the name barely leaving your lips before you heard Andrea just by your ear.

“At least I was useful! You’re just a burden! They’ll be better off without you!”

“I’m trying! I just—”

“Try harder! Hell, you really wanna help, just go out past the fence and let the walkers take care of you.”

“One less mouth to feed, one less burden.”

“Shane, T… I’m doing my—”

“Your best?” You heard Lori laugh mockingly as your back met the cold tile of one of the shower stalls, sliding down until you were on the floor. “Your best is pathetic.”

“Pathetic!”

Your hands flew to your ears, the word echoing in a flurry of voices and laughter. Your sobs grew louder, your eyes squeezed shut, and your back met the wall over and over as you rocked on the floor to try and get control over yourself. When you felt their hands on your arms, you screamed and flailed. They were gonna to take you to the walkers. They were going to laugh as you were ripped apart.

“Hey, hey, hey. Easy.”

The voices stopped suddenly and you pulled away, flattening yourself against the wall. Your eyes opened to find the space in front of you empty save for a concerned pair of electric blue eyes, the moonlight making them almost gray.

“Take it easy.” Daryl’s tone was soft, his hold on your forearms was firm yet gentle in the most confusing way.

“Daryl?” Your voice came out as nothing more than a small squeak being forced past the lump in your throat.

“S’jus’ me.” When you threw yourself into his arms, he made no move to pull away. He simply remained crouched there, one arm around your shoulders, keeping you grounded for the moment. “Wha’ was tha’ all ‘bout?” He pulled back a little but you chased the feeling of protection he was offering, whether it was intentional or not. You didn’t answer him, but given the way he sighed, you thought he may have already known. “Okay.” He finally muttered and you thought he was going to move away and leave you there.

He hoisted you up into his arms instead, backing out of the stall and then leaving the showers all together. You thought you could still hear whispers as the door closed behind you, your face instinctively burrowing further into his collarbone.

“Is she okay?” Carol’s voice was full of concern, a small gentle touch brushing over the center of your back as Daryl kept walking.

“She’s fine. Jus’ needs ta sleep.” He answered roughly. You were jostled slightly as he began to ascend the steps to your cell. You didn’t want to go there, not now that you had awakened everyone and proven those voices right.

You were a burden.

You sniffled and waited for him to deposit you and leave. Your back met the mattress slowly, gently, and the blanket was pulled over you a second later. But instead of the bottom of the top bunk, you saw the high ceiling of the cell block when you opened your eyes.

You weren’t in your cell.

“Daryl?” You questioned meekly, turning your head just as the blanket lifted once more and the archer crawled under it at your side.

You were in his bed.

“What’re you—” You blinked wide eyes at his chest when you were unexpectedly pulled tightly against him, his chin resting on the top of your head.

“Try ta sleep now.”

Your surprise dissolved into something else, walking the fine line between gratitude and guilt. You nodded minutely, wiping your eyes as best you could given the proximity.

“Quit yer wigglin’.”

“Sorry.” You muttered, sniffling again before you closed your eyes. You could actually feel the lure of sleep pulling heavily at your subconscious, your mind already growing blank and your eyelids too heavy to open. You felt safe and warm and right. You’d have to talk to him about what happened but that was a problem for tomorrow. “Daryl?” You mumbled, almost slurring the syllables.

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

His eyes opened, staring at the darkness over your head while the tension left your body and your breaths deepened, soft snores already puffing out against his skin. The archer pulled you a little closer.

“Don’ ever hafta thank me, Y/N. I gotcha.”

141 notes · View notes

ilygetou · 2 years

Text

APHRODISIACS — THOMA.

PAIRING: thoma x fem! reader.

C/W: drugging (?), dub con if you squint, virgin! thoma, creampie, kinda of sub! thoma, overstimulation, hints of jealousy, cowgirl position, MINORS DNI!!

NOTE: me posting acting like i didn’t say that i will be taking a break 🧍‍♀️ (not proofread, please be aware of grammatical and spelling mistakes) (not that i think there are any, idk)

you were craving thomas attention for way too long, but he doesn’t seem to get the hint. even though, thoma was more like your best friend, your crush. you’ve been sexually frustrated, not being able to please your sexual urges. getting yourself off alone with your fingers wasn’t enough for you, you needed someone to help you, and who can do that other than your best friend, thoma? best friends are supposed to help eachother when in need, right?

the only thing keeping you from asking thoma was how busy he was, there was no possible time for you to ask him for any help. he’s always busy with the kamisato siblings, it makes you more frustrated, Thoma was barley around, he would occasionally come and visit you every now and then, but he would only stay for about 10-15 minutes only — and he would always use the excuse that he’s busy and have work to do.

but, what about you? You are his best friend, the person he’s most comfortable with, you guys used to stick together all the time, never leaving each others side – that was until thoma got the job to work as a housekeeper in the kamisato state. you would barley see him, and when you do, it’s always short conversations about each other’s life and whereabouts.

you know that you have no right to be annoyed at this, he was only your best friend after all, but was also your crush, complaining about not being able to see or talk to your crush was quit reasonable, right? but, on the other hand, Thoma probably sees you as his best friend, nothing more. the thought of thoma not returning your feelings always hunts you, if you do end up confessing would he return those feelings to you? does he even feel the same way? or does he just see you as someone he got close to?

you would always brush those thoughts away, because what you need right now doesn’t require thoma to have any romantic feelings towards you, maybe only sexual, which at least was what you needed right now. if thoma turns out to not have nether then all you have to do is use the aphrodisiacs you’ve been hiding, mix it into his drink, since thoma will be stopping by later today.

as you were lost in your own thoughts, the door bell suddenly rang three times. when you went to unlock and open the door you were met with a tall, huge, muscular man, his hair blondish, he had a black tie that was separating his bangs, his green colored eyes boring into yours as a huge grin covered his face. you felt yourself heat up from his presence, your face turning into a dark shade of red.

“y/n! hello” he uttered in a cheerful voice, his voice was soothing and so soft, it makes you melt. you can listen to him talking for hours. you felt yourself hitting up with embarrassment when you realized how long you’ve been standing there, just staring at your best friend without saying a single word to him. “t-thoma! come on in,” you moved from the door, giving thoma space to step into your household.

thoma walked into the living room and made himself comfortable, a long sigh leaving his lips as he threw his head back. “overworked yourself again?” disappoinment all over your tone, Thoma chuckled and nodded his head, you shook your his head and let out a sigh, “should i get you something to drink?” a small smile made it’s way to thomas face, “i would love that.”

you walked to the kitchen, feeling bad about what you were about to do to thoma but you had no self control, your sexual desires have been getting so much lately, and you couldn’t find a way to help yourself. pouring cold water into a glass cup as you crushed the aphrodisiacs pills into dust, pouring it down the liquid – you started mixing the aphrodisiacs with a spoon until the water looked normal, again.

you walked back to the living room, holding the cup with a soft, innocent smile plastered on your face. you bent over to the tired man and handed him the cup, “thank you” he muttered, you shook it off with a wave and seated yours beside him. now all you have to do is wait for the aphrodisiacs to kick in.

trying to hold a conversation with Thoma while waiting was hard, you seemed to always be nervous around him. “thoma, what do you usually do at work?” you questioned, trying to start a conversation while waiting. thoma hummed before responding; “well, i do basic housekeeping stuff, sometimes would accompany lady ayaka and be like her personal body guard, that only happens when i’m done with work though,” Thoma mimicks a thinking pose, trying to remember all the stuff he does because now that you asked him, his head went blank.

while thoma was taking his sweet time, his words were repeating themselves in your brain, lady ayaka? kamisato ayato sister? thoma hangs out with her...? jealousy started running in your veins your expression slowly changed to a bothered one. “huh? are you okay?” concern was written all overs thomas face so you simply shook your head with a smile, “i’m okay.”

after a short while thoma was starting to shift uncomfortably in his place, he was sweating, his face was red, he had his hands on his crotch — as if he was trying to hide something. you tried to hide the smirk that was forming on the corners on your lips and act concerned, “thoma? you okay?” panic was seen all over thomas eyes when he felt how you were inspecting him, your eyes focusing on him. “i-i’m fine, don’t w-worry” he stuttered the bulge he had making him fumble with his words.

you got closer to thoma, your plan was about to start. your hands started tracing his clothed abs, “you sure your okay?” your hands tracing slowly and teasingly all the way downwards to where thomas crotch was, thoma gulped he was now sweating, even more. “what’re you —” thoma was suddenly cut off by you seating yourself on his lap, you didn’t know when and how you suddenly got all this confidence, but you were enjoying it.

you were circling your hands around thomas bulge, he bite his lips to cut off a whimper from slipping out, “thoma? you sure you’re okay?” you asked again, this time, thoma shook his head — he finally decided to give up. “n-no, i suddenly started sweating and feeling hot — and then i suddenly felt myself getting h-hard...” sadness and shame in his tone while you were grinning the whole time.

“do you want me to help?” thomas eyes widened, are you sure you want to help him? “do y-you want to? you don’t have to if you don’t want to, i can take care of it–” you shook your head, “nono, i want to,” you started rubbing yourself against thomas bulge, your bare cunt dripping & drooling on his pants. you weren’t wearing any panties, and thoma felt himself getting shy, the tip of his ears turning red.

you tugged down thomas pants, his cock hitting his abdomen, you licked your lips at the sight of thomas cock — his reddish tip, the thick veins that were visible on the side of his cock. you were getting more impatient and needy by the second, you started slowly sliding thomas cock against your folds, while he was letting out choked moans.

“y/n — wait! i haven’t done something like that before...” thoma looked away, embarrassed. you felt a sudden wave of relief brush past you, you didn’t know why but you always thought that thoma wasn’t a virgin, and that he has already lost his virginity to some lucky girl.

“don’t worry about it” a reassuring smile made it’s way past your lips as you slowly seated yourself on thomas cock, pushing it against your entrance before it was buried deep inside your gooey cunt.

thomas cheeks flushed red, his breath heavend as he felt your walls tighten around his cock, a shaky whimper left thoma as he felt you slowly moving your hips, his cock massaging your insides with every move of your hips.

you gave thoma a quick peck on the lips before you started to bounce up and down his cock, small mewls and squeaks leaving you at the feeling of Thomas tip hitting all your good spots, spots you couldn’t reach using your own fingers.

“moremore, please!” thoma pleaded before his hands reached to hold your waist, bouncing you up and down his cock at a velocious speed, causing your moans to fall from your mouth uncontrollably. thoma was sensitive, the feeling of your pussy clenching around his shaft had him on the edge, eyes watery as he felt himself getting closer to his climax.

without any warning thoma let out a loud groan followed by his white thick fluids filling you up, Thoma let out a low moan, his dick now sensitive. but despite that you were still going — moving your hips as thomas cock was dragging along your walls, bouncing as his tip kept hitting your womb.

thoma sat there, soft and low whimpers escaping his mouth as you kept using his sensitive dick,“ah! so close!” you moaned out, your walls tightening around tthomas cock before you let out a loud moan of his name, cumming and milking his cock. soon after, Thoma came a second time, the tip of his cock flushing with an angry red color.

despite cumming twice, thomas dick was still rock hard, he sniffled a moan before speaking up; “i..i don’t know what’s wrong with me today, i never had this happening to me before...” you smirked at thomas obliviousness, you don’t mind going on for more rounds, this would also give you an opportunity to try different positions with Thoma.

“s’ okay thoma, i can help you” and you could see sparkles in thomas eyes, “you will?” you could hear excitness in thomas tone. you nodded your head before you started grinding on his cock, “wait...i still have work to do..” he muttered, in a low, disappointed tone.

“work can wait, plus, you’re not feeling well” you replied as you squeezed Thomas length causing him to let out a choked gasp, thoma looked down, considering and thinking about it.

“okay, sure...” he muttered in a soft voice, you kissed the tip of his nose before positioning yourself on his cock, again.

The aphrodisiacs you used was a strong one, so it would take Thoma more than four orgasms for the effect to shake off. and that would be enough to satisfy your libido.

#genshin x reader #genshin smut #thoma x you #genshin thoma #thoma x reader #genshin x you #thoma smut #genshin x y/n #genshin impact thoma #tw. aphrodisiacs

438 notes · View notes

traumasurvivors · 10 months

Text

Something I'm often asked is "how do I tell someone about my trauma?" I wrote an article to answer the question.

If you don't want to click off site, you can also read it below the read more.

The very first thing to keep in mind when you’re considering telling someone else about your trauma is that you are in control of who gets to know about your trauma. You can choose who to tell, how much to tell and have absolutely no obligation to tell anyone you do not want to tell.

1. Why do you want to tell someone?

It might be worth considering why you want to tell a particular person. Is it to feel closer to them? Is it because you could use some support? Are there triggers you want them to know about? Are you feeling a need to unburden yourself a bit? Knowing why you want to tell them can help you figure out what to say to them. For example, if you know that you want support, you can tell them about it and follow up with ideas of how they can support you. This is also a good opportunity for you to consider whether you actually do want to tell them, or if you’re planning it for a reason that you might regret, such as because you’ve been pressured into sharing your story because you’ve been told “you have to do it in order to heal.” It’s okay if you’re not ready to talk about it. Please, do not force yourself to talk about something you are not ready for.

2. Decide how you want to tell them

Now, if you have decided you still want to talk about your trauma to someone, and you feel like you understand why you want to do it, the next step is to decide how you want to tell them. Maybe it would be better in person. Maybe it would be better by phone. Or by text. Or in an email. Or even in an old school letter. These are all valid options, with advantages and disadvantages.

3. Plan and practice what you’re going to tell them

Whichever you choose, it’s likely a good idea to write down what you want to tell them, beforehand. It doesn’t have to be written in clear sentences, it could just be in bullet points. This will help you to organize your thoughts. This will also help if you get overwhelmed when you begin telling them, as it will give you a reference point to get you back on track. If you are reading from a statement that you wrote, you can let them know that this is the easiest way for you to share this information. If you are able to, you should practice telling them by saying it out loud if you will be telling them in person or on the phone.

4. Think about what you need from who you’re telling

Think about what you need from the person you’re telling when you’re sharing with them. It might be best to tell them what you would need before you get into talking about harder things. For example, if you begin struggling and having a hard time speaking, is it better to get words of encouragement from them or would you rather they sit quietly so you can think? When I was first telling one of my friends, I told him that it would be hard for me to talk about and that I needed him to just listen even if I went quiet and that I would tell him when I was ready for him to talk.

It’s okay to change your mind during the conversation too. If you tell them that you need them to just listen, it’s okay to change your mind and tell them “I could really use some validating words/encouraging words/a hug” right now. The bottom line is to communicate.

Think about what sort of support you want from whoever you’re telling, so you can talk to them about it. A lot of people tend to feel helpless when learning about someone’s trauma and being told how they can be supportive to you will help them and you. Part of your planning can be figuring out what to tell the person you’re talking to about how they can help you.

5. Set things up to help them go smoothly

Try to pick a time that will work well for both you and the person you’re telling. This means allowing for time to process things, time for them to ask questions, and so on. If you are seeing your friend for a 30 minute lunch break, this might not be the best time to talk about your trauma. It’s important you do not feel rushed. You might need to do something afterward to help your mental state or that of the person you’re telling, and if you have limited time, that may add to your stress. If possible, choose an environment that will make you more comfortable. A place where there are loud noises or other distractions may make it frustrating or extra stressful to talk about difficult things. If you are telling multiple people, such as a group of friends, consider whether you want to tell them one at a time, all at once, or perhaps a few at a time. Telling them one at a time may make it less overwhelming for you, or it may be easier for you to just have to explain things once, just to give two possible reasons for different approaches.

Overall tips

As you’re thinking about what to say, remember that you are in control of how much someone gets to know. You may decide to share things in a lot of detail, or in very little detail. Certain particular parts might be especially hard for you to talk about, and require you to get through quickly, with a minimum of detail. You don’t have to tell everything at one time. You might want to tell someone in stages. For example, the first stage might be “something happened to me, and I’m not ready to talk about the details yet, but I could use some support/extra love/whatever else you might be needing.”

One thing that might be good to bring up is whether there are any triggers you want people to be aware of. For example, you might want to avoid going to certain places or things like that. If you have flashbacks or other symptoms they might witness, it is good to talk about this, and help the person to understand what to do if/when a flashback happens. When I’m having a flashback, my partner helps me ground myself and he knows that I cannot handle being touched in those moments. Knowing your limits and what can help things be easier for you is good information for them to know. If what you need when something like that happens is space, be sure to let them know.

It’s okay to have limits on what you’re willing to share, and it’s okay if you cannot or simply do not want to answer some questions people may ask you. You should also let the person you’re telling know that if they feel uncomfortable with what they’re being told, at any time, they should let you know. It’s important that they be in the right mental state to handle whatever you’re about to tell them. If they need you to stop telling them about it, that’s okay. It might be overwhelming to them because of their own experiences or something else that isn’t even about you and what you went through. It might be that they need time to process what you’re telling them, especially if they had no idea it happened (making it a shock for them) or it involves someone else they know (meaning it might change how they view that person). Hopefully, they’ll be able to continue listening about it later.

At the end of the day, do what you need to in order to be as comfortable as possible. While telling someone can really help, make sure you are not just telling someone because you’ve been pressured by another person or even societal expectations. Rushing into it before you’re ready could make the experience more upsetting. Remember that it is up to you what you share and who you share it to. You can share as little as you want, even nothing at all, and no one is entitled to your story.

#my blog posts

64 notes · View notes

doberbutts · 6 months

Note

I have to tell you I adore you and all your fabulous fur babies!

I would like to ask if you can talk about your experience being on t, specifically the mental and emotional aspects of the hrt process. I have read a lot about the physical changes that happen, but I don't see anyone talking about how your personality, mood, energy, etc. change.

Thanks!

Hey thanks!

Honestly while there is a lot of misinformation regarding what testosterone does to your emotions, I feel lucky that my endocrinologist never really said anything except that I may feel wild mood swings or have trouble controlling my anger in the first few months as my body and mind adjusted to the new swing in hormones.

This is pretty normal for any hormone you take- when you first start, you may find yourself experiencing mood swings and feeling emotions more intensely. That's why kids deep into puberty tend to be, um, a bit out of control with their emotions. It's also why this happens again as you age into your twilight years, when your body once again changes its hormone output and can set things a bit out of whack. Or if you get pregnant. Or if you start hormonal birth control. Or if you take a steroid for something not even sex hormone related. Messing with your hormones can seriously throw off your grasp on your feelings and moods.

But the good news is, it's not permenant. By the time you're 5 months in, you should start feeling more like "you" again, unless your dose changes for whatever reason. And, even better, the "you" you feel like? Usually is a much more mentally happy person.

On a personal level, I didn't have random fits of anger. Which is interesting, because I have a documented anger problem that I have taken anger management for because I have had black-out rages [usually inspired by one of my sisters deliberately hurting one of my pets] [for instance she swung one of my pet rats at the wall by the tail like she was going to kill him and the next thing I know our mother is pulling me off of her as I'm pummelling her face with my fists on the ground and I do not remember the in-between] [I'm not sorry, fuck around and find out, don't hurt my animals and I won't hurt you] [also this sister sent me to the ER in a previous fight where she'd bodily picked me up and thrown me through a window so like. Don't feel too bad for her that I finally snapped and gave her a taste of what she constantly did to me]

In fact, I've had *multiple* people who know the "before" and "after" tell me that I'm much calmer and more emotionally steady than I've ever been. And that I'm happier too. I also used to anger-cry a *lot*, pretty much any time I got angry I'd also cry, but that also stopped happening so now I don't really get angry and when I do I don't cry about it.

I would say anxiety's probably about the same but depression is much better. Compared to who I was before leaving my hometown vs now, I can confidently say that I no longer consider the odds of whether my shower curtain rod can hold me for long enough. I'm much better at recognizing when my mental health is getting bad and when I need to take a step back. I get stressed and I can go "okay, I need to break away from this before I completely lose it" well in advance. Which is great! Mental stability and joy and security for the win!

I will say I don't really cry anymore. It does occasionally feel like I'm not really able to. One of Creed's songs came on and I teared up and my throat got all fuzzy but I think only one of two tears actually came out, vs losing him pre-T we're talking ugly cry scream-sobbing in my [now-ex]'s arms. Which, yes, some of it is just distance from the grief since it was two years ago. But also I've never been so in control that I only cried a literal couple tears' worth. Usually the waterworks start and then take a long time to end.

32 notes · View notes

queenmeraairam · 11 months

Text

Just Hold me

Namor x F Reader I don't own the character First time writing Description Establish Relationship Reader has had a bad day like A REAL BAD DAY NAMOR CONFORTS YOU. Hurt/Confort. Sorry for spelling errors Warning violence.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" you screamed at the ocean you screamed until your throat went raw the tears streaming down your face you had had a real bad day first you got into a nasty fight with your dad with him calling you all sorts of horrible names and throwing things around the house. All you did was tell him to keep the toilet seat dry after using the restroom. You left before the tears could fall.

Afterwards you had to go to work at the local restaurant and to your horror you were working with the terror twins Mandy and Karen they would make you do all the work while they themselves doing the bare minimum and made your job many times harder than it had to be. You tried to complain to the manager but the manager was constantly stoned out of his mind.

And today they must hae been in a real Bitchy mode spilling dirty food on you and calling you names under their breath. And the customers were no better the heat wave was making everyone short tempered you lost count how many customers yelled at you for things out of your control. It but it wasn't till the restaurant closed up that it really got bad you were taking out the trash when they cornered you Mindy grabed your hair and pulled you to the ground and when you tried to get up Karen gave you a kick to the stomach knocking the air was out of your lungs and keeping you grounded but it wasn't over Mandy got you to your feet only for Karen to give you a backhanded slap knocking you to the ground you tasted blood. You tried to fight but it was two against one and they were much bigger than you. You are 5'0 these girls are 5'8 there was no way you would win. The beating felt like it lasted hours but in reality it was no more than ten or so minuites according to your phone. You were hurting but you forced yourself to your bike and made your way to the beach your safe space you would come here everytime you felt like your emotioins were too much to handle or just wanted to be alone and sing it was secluded and hard to get to.

It was also here where you meet him.

Your Kukulkan you met him a few years ago The moon was beautiful you came here because you wanted to sing and play your guitar without being seen you had just a finished a song when you heard some clapping that spooked you you turned around and saw him emerging from the sea Dark hair, Beautiful Caramel skin covered in jewels with wings at his ankles you thought he was the most beautiful man you had ever seen.

" That was beautiful" He said " Thank you i wrote it myself" you blushed you never herd someone compliment your singing before your shyness prevented you from singing infront of people "i'm Y/n what is yours" you asked " My people call me Kukulkan but my enemies call me Namor are you an enemy? He asked with a menacing tone getting closer. Out of instinct you stepped back clutching your guitar to you chest "No... I am not i've got no reason to be." you said back unsure on what else to say.

"As you say you have no reason to be do not be afraid i was swiming near by and heard singing i did not mean to frighten you. You have a lovley voice," Namor says his whole demeaner changed he sits himself down hoping you do the same and you do and you begin talking he tells you about Talokan and himself and the marine life it was fascianting to learn and you told him about your life your mom died when you were young she loved to sing so you do to to keep her memory life. How your dad sucks and you are waiting to graduate University so you can go away and never come back you tell him about your dreams of going to medical school and becoming a doctor and fears which suprised you. you had never told anyone this and yet here you were telling it to a man you just met a complete stranger but you coudn't deny there was something about him that made you feel safe like it was gonna be okay it felt warm and before you realized. It was starting to get late and you need to go home because you had class in the morning. "will i see you again?" Kukulkan asked with hopefull tone, you couldn't help but smile "How about tomorrow night?" You responded Kukulkan Just nods "until tomorrow" he says and then you part ways.

True to your word you return the next night and meet him again many times you bring your homework and notes so you can study a bit and you would talk about your classes and what you were learning it never seeamed to bore him instead he seemed quite interested he would ask questions and help you study by asking you questions from the books but he would make sure there was time for play because all work and no play is not good he would bring you gift like shells and pearls you tried to refuse but he would give you puppy dog eyes and you would always relent He taught you his lanuage and told you things he had never told other people. And before you knew it you had falllen in love with him.

You remembered the first time you kissed him it was after seeing the results of a very difficult exam that you were so caughted up in your joy you just kissed him which supprised you. You imediatly backed away unsure of what to say or do with one hand he just gently grabbed your chin so you were looking at him and the other one he put around your waist pulling you closer and slowly as to not scare you without breaking eye contact he kissed you and you felt your nerves go haywire and you deepened the kiss it was the first night he made love to you and oh how you felt loved for the first time in a long time you felt loved you felt seen.

You smiled at the memory it was one of your favorites.

At this point you had sat yourself down your head on your knees and you were just sobbing so hard your body was shaking you didn't hear foot steps rappidly approach.

He was on his way when he heard your cries and immidiatly rushed and what he saw made his heart stop Bruises covered your ams and legs He gently knelt by you and tried to get your attention "In yakunaj! Ba'ax tuukul a.Ba'ax ku yuuchul? Ba'ax uuch" ( My love! what's the matter? what's wrong? what's happened) He had never seen you in such a state he placed a hand on your shoulder which caused you to look up. Kukulkan frozed your face had brusies a black eye a busted lip. You didn't say anything you just threw yourself into his arms and sobbed and sobbed. Kukulkan wrapped his arms around you and just held you whispering sweet nothings after a while your sobs quited but the shaking didn't.

"In Yakunaj paakat in" (my love look at me) Kukulkan said concern in his voice "Maax beet le ba'ala?" ( who did this).He tells you his voice like iron. And you just spilled everything by the end you were crying not as hard as before but it didn't matter seeing tears was not something Kukulkan liked to see not now not ever. "shhh my love it is okay i'm here i'm here, i'm sorry im so sorry you had such a bad day i should go and kill those three for daring to hurt you. It is unforgivable" Kukulkan's voice was hard he was trying to keep his rage in. The only thing stopping him was that you were still in his arms shaking in distress and he was not gonna leave you until you were fully calmed down even then he might not go yet.

"N-o-o don't they are unworthy as much of assholes they are they don't deserve it" you tell him as much as the idea sounds amusing you knew it was wrong " Just hold me please " Your voice breaking Kukulkan is quick to shush you and does as you say he holds you tight like you might slip away at any moment when you have fully calmed down he gently strips your clothes off and sees the extent of the injuries you suffered he is angry for the brusies are everywhere. But he puts his anger aside and just focuses on kissing the bruises he redresses you and gently picks you up and goes to an outcropping of rocks where the both of you will be more conceled from prying eyes grabs the blanket that you left there a while ago wraps you up and just holds you until you fall asleep in his arms he longs to take you to Talokan away from here but he saves that question for another day right now he just holds you

#namor x reader #kukulkan x reader

58 notes · View notes

igotanidea · 1 year

Text

Relapse :Jason Todd x plus-size fem! reader

Warnings: this is probably the heaviest thing I've ever written, so proceed with caution since might be triggering. I'm deadly serious! Here we go: eating disorders, mentions of anorexia, body shaming, insecurities, mentions of self-harm, bad relationships, self-hatred, self-depreciating thoughts, possible heart-break, past trauma, emotional damage.

Remember: no matter what you are struggling with, it will get better. You are not alone, don't be afraid to reach for help.

***

It’s pretty funny how one single memory can be carved into your brain, just waiting to emerge. A smell or taste can bring back good things, your favorite song, connected to some happy times can make you smile instantly. But, on the other, darker side, there are whole lot of bad associations. A word, a feeling, a single shot through your heart and you end up falling back into the same pattern of thinking and spinning, unable to get out of the cycle. All the energy spend on building yourself up, all the effort and one reckless behavior sends you back to square one.

And that was what was happening to Y/N at the moment. It was a nice day, spend with her family, talking, joking, laughing and enjoying the sun. And she was good for the most of it. Only when she get back to her apartment and started thinking, she could feel the lump growing in her throat, not sure of the reason of it. Her mind just started spinning, emotions taking over her, being too much, too fast, all at once. She simple could not handle them. And to think that all this was sparked by one single bad thought about herself.

You are not like your family. You are so big, how can you even compare yourself to them? Take a look at your mother, your sister, your friends… How can you even look at yourself in the mirror and feel good? That’s just pathetic. You are pathetic. Pathetic and fat. Do you really believe someone can love you? You? with your big ass and round belly? The worst lie is the one you tell to yourself.

And then there was more:

Summer is coming. How are you going to show yourself out? Do you really think you can wear shorts? Or short-sleeved T-shirt?

The truth was she did not wear any of the summer clothes in like 6 or 7 years. Last time was probably when she was anorectic and due to some twisted image of herself believed she looked good while being severely underweight. At times like this, she truly wished she was a skeleton rather than a meatloaf.

All she knew was that she just had to get those feelings out of her system. And unfortunately, she did in the only way she knew – binge eating. Escaping the emotions by literally stuffing them inside. Feeling sick of herself, of this eating disorder she was dealing with for like 10 years on and off, constantly. Once it got better, then it started all over again. High one minute and then down the other.

She hated herself. She hated her body. She hated the empty promises, all of them starting tomorrow. She hated controlling every calorie during the day, refusing to have even the tiniest piece of chocolate and then getting hungry, frustrated, overwhelmed at night. And starting this all over again.

And all that guilt and rage finally bend her to the ground and she found herself sobbing desperately on the kitchen floor, surrounded by the evidence of her guilt in the form of empty pocket of cookies, an XXL size bar of chocolate, a carton of milk, half-eaten cheese-strings and a jar of apple mousse. She did it again, fuck, she did this again!

Sudden steps In the corridor startled her beyond recognition and in the utter terror she tried to hide all those empty papers and wraps, but it was no use. Her boyfriend, Jason Todd, was simply too fast, he was a vigilante after all and that trait came in a package.

“Hey baby, how was your…..?” he stopped in the middle of the sentence, eyes widening a bit upon seeing her crouched figure on the floor, surrounded by the trash. He instantly knew, the question was however, what caused her panic attack and the aftermath in the form of overeating “What happened?”

“Nothing.” She looked onto the floor, trying to keep her voice calm and collected while trembling inside. I am worthless, I am pathetic, why are you even with me?

“Don’t lie to me. Please.” He crouched next to her and put one hand on her shoulder, reassuringly but it only made her tremble more. He knew her well enough to notice that fear, shame and guilt in her eyes and realize that only too many emotions triggered her eating disorder again. She’s been clean for a while now, but sometimes life was just too much to handle and that was the result.

To be completely honest, sometimes he blamed himself for her relapses. If he was home, like a normal boyfriend should she would at least have someone to rant to and let all those worries out. She might have been one of the strongest person he knew, always, always getting up and moving forward, but he experienced first-handed that situations like this could leave some long-lasting scars on mentality.

“Talk to me.” He practically begged, eyes focused on her face, searching her orbs, gently asking for explanation. “Please, baby, I can’t stand to see you like this. Let me help you. Let me make you better. I’m here.” He tried to cup her cheek but she flinched and moved out of his reach probably breaking his heart in the process.

“Please, just leave me alone, Jay. It’s enough that I despise myself for what happened. You …. I don’t want you to look at me with that pity in your eyes. I’m a fuckup. I wish I could go back to the times when I actually had anorexia, at least then I didn’t have to look at my chubby face in the mirror and fell all that…... I didn’t have to judge my thick thighs, those stupid fat ass and those fucking round belly.” She sobbed, barely containing the shaking of her body, grabbing the skin and pinching at it angrily until it became red and started to hurt. That was all she deserved.

“Can I hug you?” he whispered softly, his voice breaking, wanting nothing more than to embrace her, to make her feel safe and loved. To take all that pain away. Both mental and physical since she was really hurting herself at the moment. He knew the mechanisms all too well. When he died, he was afraid of Joker coming after him again, he had panic attacks and multiple nightmares that made him jolt in the middle of the night, and this, this was her equivalent of all that living hell.

No matter what she was saying or thinking about herself, he’s been thought it too.

He hated his body, his scars and injuries, she hated the way she looked and how it made her feel. It took him years to open up to people enough to let them in and trust them in the slightest and she was still feeling judged. Her pain was his pain and he could feel his stomach do flips upon watching her so broken and scared on the floor. He wanted to be her shelter, her save haven. If only she let him, he would just engulf her in his warmth, keep her there, taking all the tears, all the shivers, all the fear and worry.

God, he loved her so much.

He would gladly spend eternity with her in his arms, just proving his love and loyalty but at this state she would never believe him. He’d been there and had done that. The only thing he could do was help her calm down, give her a bit of space and just be with her until she feels ready to talk.

“No….” she shook her head frantically “I don’t want you to feel all my curves. It’s too much. And I’m so ashamed of them. But it’s all on me. I made this. I made myself look like a freaking balloon.”

“Princess. Please…. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t hurt yourself.” He begged again, his throat clenched by the pain he felt for her.

“You know, today I got a perfect reminder of why I hate summer. It’s because of the sun and warmth and nice weather.” She said in a robot-like voice, staring at the space, reliving the memory from few hours before.

“Why?” he asked, talking the moment of her distraction to move a bit closer, sitting next to her, leaning head on the wall, inch by inch his hand was moving towards hers. ‘I'm here baby, let it out." he thought.

“Because I never believed I could wear any summer clothes, you know. Never. It just didn’t feel right. I mean, my sister, she’s got perfect figure, no rolls or fat on her body, so she’s the one to feel confident in those. I do not. I spend the day in long, black pants, overheating, just because I look like a freaking head cheese. And the worst part, I’m the biggest in my family and it always makes me compare myself. I do not match with them. Never felt like I did in the appearance area. And maybe I just don't fit with anyone and will always be the D.U.F.F. It hurts, Jason. It freaking hurts.” A few tears flew down her cheeks “It’s just too painful when I see all those women just feeling good in their bodies."

“I know. “ he sighed deeply

“I wish I just could go back in time when I was skinny.”

“Babe, you were severely malnourished back then. On the verge of life and death.”

“At least I could look at myself in the mirror.” She sobbed. ”And now I can’t. Sometimes it just feels like no matter where I go I’m always the biggest and ugliest.”

“You are neither of those.”

“Stop it. Just…. just stop it. I know how I look all right? And I’m not ok with this. Some days just hit worse than others.”

“I’m sorry, baby. But you need to know no one is judging you…..”

“I don’t care! Out of all the people in the world you should understand it the best, Jay. I judge myself! I compare myself! I torture myself with thinking than I’m not worthy of love, of care, of affection. Of your love and care and attention. Not when I see my former school friends looking like a fucking supermodels. And that makes me ashamed. And …. And this is what happens then….” She waved her hands around pointing toward the empty wrappers around “I’m not good enough…..” he voice broke a bit and she trembled again, bursting into the waterfall of tears. "

“Y/N, princess, please don’t do this. It will damage you…..”

“Please, go away Jason. I want to be alone.”

“You know I can’t leave you like this. I just…. I can’t . Not until you calm down. ”

“It may take hours. “ she raised her teary eyes to look at him.

“So be it. You are my priority, not going anywhere till you stop spinning. I’m here.” He whispered, entwining their fingers “we don’t need to talk, not yet, but you just need to remember I love you. You are not alone. And I don’t care how long it takes, I will put you back on your feet.”

“Why? Why are you trying to fix me?”

“Baby, you are not broken, you don’t need fixing. And I will remind you. Just let me take care of you.”

“I think I really want to be alone. I might take a nap. It will probably get better after that.”

“All right. I’ll tuck you in if….”

“No.” she shook her head “I need to think. I need to distance myself. Just…. leave Jace, I promise I won’t do anything stupid. Besides, it’s late. You should be getting ready for your night work. You know the team needs you.”

“You need me more right now.”

“I’ll be fine. I promise, Jay.” She lifted corners of her mouth, but this fake smile did not reach her eyes and did little to convince him. “It’s not like it happened the first time and I’m still here, right?”

“Right.” He could pretend not to notice the scars and traces serving as recollections of what she used to do herself in the past. That though always made Jason shiver. He could have lost her so many times before if it wasn’t for Bruce help and the medical care he got for her. And it made it a bit harder for him to hate his father.

“I trust you.” he simply said “If anything happens, I mean anything you call me, right away, you hear me, babygirl? I’ll get rid of whatever scumbag may come onto the streets tonight in a second and will be right with you in a heartbeat.”

“I know, Jace.” She would never call him during patrol and put him in danger even if she was dying on the floor in a pool of blood. Never.

“I love you.” he muttered kissing the top of her head lightly and getting up. Something was telling him this was going to be a rough night for both of them.

***

When he got back she was already asleep in her favorite position. Seemingly, finally at peace, but he knew better than to look at the appearances and masks she knew how to wear. She was crying herself to sleep for god knows how long. Most probably she only passed out because of exhaustion and her mind playing trick on her. It was like a brain power cut off before it went overload. She was curled up, legs up to her chest exposing a bit of her lower back, hugging herself. Fuck! He should have stayed with her!

Slowly, carefully he discarder his jacket and body armor, approaching the bed. Only then he noticed tossed away blanket and goosebumps all over her skin – to top the pain, fear, and tears she was also so cold. He needed to hold her. He just had to give her the comfort, no matter what she said about that.

The bed dipped when he laid down beside her, wrapping arms around her, pulling her close, not caring about her rolls and surpluses. She hated them, he barely noticed.

“Jace….” She whined, squirming, still feeling uncomfortable when he was touching her.

“It’s me baby. I’m here. Everything is all right. I’m back to you.”

“Please don’t leave me” she sobbed turning around and pulling herself close to him, face hidden in his chest “Please, don’t leave me just because I don’t look like a model. And because I’m an eating disorder freak. Please, Jace…”

“How…. How could you even think I will leave you?” he held her tighter. God! If she ever had thoughts like this what was this saying about him as a boyfriend? “I’m not. I won’t. I promise. I got you, baby.” He cooed rubbing her hair and shoulders. “I’m with you. It will pass, just let it out and I’ll help you heal the same way you did for me.”

"Ok...." she managed to gasp in the tiniest, barely audible voice, finally leaning onto him and letting him care for her. Just that one word was enough for him. She trusted him and he was not going to let her down.

125 notes · View notes