“There are only two genders.”

Wrong.

There are four genders:

diplomats, hustlers, entrepreneurs, and wanderers

if i say "the queer community", i am referring to the community of self identified queers. if you're not a self identified queer, then i wasn't talking about you!

"i don't like to be called queer because it hurt me!" cool, fine, whatever. the word gay hurt me, i get it. but see, i didn't actually call you queer, i was talking about, and this might be difficult to follow; people who like being queer! that's why i said "queer community", to refer to the broad community of queers.

"but i'm gay/lesbian/bi/ace/whatever and i don't like it being used as an umbrella term!" okay, cool. if someone forces you under an umbrella you don't like that sure does suck! i hate being forced under the "LBGT+" umbrella myself. i absolutely loathed "trans*", i get it, trust me. i would like to draw your attention to the fact that i just said "queer community", which explicit in text and implicit in meaning, refers to a community of people... bare with me here.... people who are queer. if you do not consider yourself queer.... then it wasn't about you. it was about me and my community.

"but i know what group you're talking about and it applies to me too!" okay but you see that, you see that you're putting yourself under the umbrella there right? and then complaining about it, right? it's not my fault you decided it was about you? you're always going "it's okay for you to use, but" and then attack us when we do use it for ourselves, by shoving yourself under an imagined umbrella of your construction, hurting us in the shove, and then screaming like you were forced in here.

"but it's a--" listen.

listen to me.

you might think i'm being obstinant and maybe i am a little! but i'm trying to illuminate a point here. you've constructed an idea in your head of "us" as a monolith, a singular group that you want covered by a singular umbrella with a singular term; and you've decided that this "us" group - including you - is who i'm talking about right now, and then you've gotten shitty at me for using a word you don't like for an idea you projected over my words.

but here's the secret: there is no singular group like that. there is no monolith. there is no singular cohesive "us". there's just people, individuals with infinite experiences and selves and sexualities and genders and loves and all these beautiful things, and sometimes when we're similar enough we band together into groups and pick labels; gay, trans, queer, rainbow, whatever. these are just names, names for imagined groups, imagined groups with fake made up boundaries! people will argue there are definitions, gay means this, lesbian means that; but people will always disagree, so the names expand and the groups get broader. msm, wlw, bi, pan, genderqueer, rainbow quiltbag alphabet soup!

and you can expand and contact and refine and broaden but you will never cover everyone. at some point, you have to just accept letting people self define, and decide if they want to be in the group. if you have a "gay" group, the socially straight msm will get shitty at being called gay and it's not the fault of either the gays or the word "gay" that they're not included! people will expand and stretch and redefine and shrink, all these groups and labels will ebb and flow as different people have different needs and want to include - and exclude!- different people for their communities.

but some of "us", many generations ago, got sick and tired of constantly redefining labels and groups and decided to pick a nice word for ourselves and welcome anyone who liked it to use it, and that's queer. maybe it was already a slur that we reclaimed, maybe it was already our word before it became a slur, maybe it was just common slang for someone a little unusual and oddball and we liked that! historians both academic and communal disagree! it doesn't even matter, it's our word; "our" being anyone who likes it. if you like "queer" and want to be queer and respect the existing queers, you're welcome. and generation after generation, we pass it on for anyone to use, to say: it's okay not to box yourself in, it's okay not to define yourself down to the molecule, it's okay to be free, to come and go, to love and be whatever. it's our sanctuary. you are queer if you want to be queer. that is the gift that was given to me by the queers that came before me, i will gift it in turn to anyone that wants to carry it forwards. not everyone has to be queer, but we chose to be.

and you motherfuckers.

you motherfuckers keep smashing through the windows of our sanctuary, declaring it to be your umbrella, scream about slurs like we've never been hurt in our lives, and then hurl violence and vitriol at us because you personally hate being inside our sanctuary and want the entire structure destroyed and rebuilt for you.

fuck you.

i suffered through years of torment and abuse being called gay and having it spat at me with hate, being berated in church for questioning love, being screamed at and beaten by family and classmates and having them spit - literally - the word gay at me. i suffered through it, i survived it, i flourished to spite it and was embraced by queers who taught me love for myself and gave me safe sanctuary in this beautiful, ambiguous word, and you don't get to take that away from me.

if i say "us queers" and you come at me about how it hurts you and start yelling about umbrellas and slurs: 1) i wasn't fucking talking about you, 2) you're not part of my community and don't get to tell me what i call it, and 3) you are the fucking problem here, you are the one doing the hurting right now.

when you come into my community of queers and tell me that our sanctuary is "a slur", you are indistinguishable to me from the people spitting "gay" as they beat me.

if you're gay as in happy, you're free to be that and i won't stop you or tell you your whole core is a slur. you pick whatever umbrella you want to imagine for yourself, and i'll probably chose not to stand under it.

because i am queer. as in fuck. you.

and you will have to kill me to stop me being queer

i was wondering if you have any good sources on bisexuality being gender inclusive? i'm doing some research but if you have anything that really packs a punch im in dire need because there's a gender studies class at my school and the teacher (a straight white woman) has been saying that "bi means two" and "bisexuality implies a gender binary" whereas "pansexuality is more inclusive." i'd love to send some sources to her that explain how she's misunderstanding bisexuality and bisexuals.

I have great news that there has been a successful movement to archive the bisexual magazine Anything That Moves which is just a fun resource anyway but for YOUR purposes specifically for several issues (such as is seen here in issue 6) ran with an opening welcome that included,

Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we MUST be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled as a human being. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders.

I don’t have specific resources for these gals in mind, but I would probably also look at robyn ochs’s work, who has been compiling resources on bisexuality since the 80s, as well as lani ka’ahumanu, who is in fact the woman featured in this photo I’ve seen posted around for her wonderful signs

and beyond that the fact is even in the absence of historical resources there are MANY trans bisexual people like whipping girl author julia serano and actress jen richards who very obviously don’t seem to think labeling themselves bi conveys any level of inherent transphobia. the best way to get past a lot of stupid arguments about queer discourse is to stop dealing in idyllic abstractions about some sort of imagined perfect state and just actually for real look at how people are living their lives! and beyond beyond that your instructor just sounds like a dumbass what the fuck does “implying a gender binary” mean like congrats we DO live in a world where western colonization has created a social construct known as the gender binary. you teach gender studies, you should know this.

Chapter 1 of my gay mlb text fic

Can be found on ao3 here

Here goes!

Chapter 1

LuckyCharms has created the chat Francois Dupont GSA Club

Wednesday, September 3rd 17:10

cats_meow has been added to the conversation

pocketwatch has been added to the conversation

jasontodd has been added to the conversation

ratgina_george has been added to the conversation

LuckyCharms: Hello. Welcome to the group I guess. Please state y'alls names, pronouns, sexualities, grade level, and anything else you might want to share.

cats_meow has changed chat name to be crime do gay

cats_meow: *le gasp*

cats_meow: a cereal goddess??

cats_meow: can anybody be more lucky???

LuckyCharms: Your names please.

pocketwatch: hand them over :)

pocketwatch: or elsa :))

jasontodd: lmao elsa

pocketwatch: shut

LuckyCharms: Okay. I'll start. My name is Marinette, she/her, and I am the biest bi to ever bi :) also I'm a junior

pocketwatch: hey hey hey thanks for checking in im ✨still a piece of garbage✨

pocketwatch: anyways, im alix, gender is a social construct, fuck romance and i have a fake spider named Gerald. hes 2 years old but im a sophomore

ratgina_george: loving how the only thing you capitalized was gerald

pocketwatch: :)

cats_meow: @LuckyCharms i was hoping for you to actually be a cereal goddess just so i could get a lifetime supply of that cookie cereal with a wolf mascot just to piss off my cousin who thinks that frosted flakes are the best brain fart god has ever had but they're nOT THEY ARE A FUCKING TRAVESTY TO ALL THINGS CEREAL THEYRE SO BLAND

jasontodd: excuse me sir but what the fuck-

cats_meow: *ahem*

cats_meow: excuseh mwah

cats_meow: my name is adrien agreste, my pronouns are he/him, im as gay as a fucking rainbow am poly, a junior, and the first person to go when we finally eat the rich will be my sperm donor, gabriel "asshole" agreste

ratgina_george: ima give that a solid amen

ratgina_george: my name is chloe, my pronouns are she/her, and to deliberately plagiarize off of one adrien agreste, im as gay as a fucking rainbow and a huge theater nerd, evidenced by the name

ratgina_george: also a junior :)

cats_meow: @jasontodd ??? youve been ghosting

cats_meow: also, @ratgina_george rude :(

jasontodd: lmao sorry I was eating

jasontodd: I'm Kim my pronouns are he/him, I'm the straightie here but I'm trans so ig that counts for being able to be here,,, and im a junior!!!

pocketwatch: ohmigod we have a token hetero!!!!

pocketwatch: also you're completely valid you dont need to be gay to be part of the club

pocketwatch: all you really need to do is not be a homophobe and you're eligible

cats_meow: @LuckyCharms see look mom we are already hitting such huge milestones!!!

cats_meow: our very own het!

LuckyCharms: :,) my brain child,,,

LuckyCharms: so proud :,^)

ratgina_george: ew what is that nose-

 

be crime do gay

Friday, Sept. 5th 7:01

 

ratgina_george: yall

ratgina_george: THE SCHOOL MUSICAL IS HEATHERS

ratgina_george: AND AUDITIONS ARE NEXT WEEK

ratgina_george: asdfghjkl

ratgina_george: AAAAHHHH

cats_meow: !!!!!!!!

cats_meow: thats great!!!!!

LuckyCharms: I'm assuming you're auditioning?

ratgina_george: ofc!!!!

ratgina_george: who do you think I am!!?

ratgina_george: a peasant!?!?!?!

pocketwatch: heather chandler? 

ratgina_george: yes

ratgina_george: it's like

ratgina_george: Mean Girl Solidarity™

jasontodd: makes sense

pocketwatch: im auditioning for jd!!!

pocketwatch: me and nath are doing it together!!!!

pocketwatch: because if the teachers wont go for an enby whos biologically female

pocketwatch: then theyll have to go for another enby who's biologically male

pocketwatch: bc fuck gender stereotypes!!!!!

LuckyCharms: praise 🙏

 

be crime do gay

Wednesday, Sept. 10th 15:15

 

mimekinnie has been added to the conversation

pocketwatch: bro @mimekinnie

mimekinnie: bro!!!!!

LuckyCharms: @mimekinnie Please state your name, pronouns, sexuality, grade level, and anything else you want to share

mimekinnie: ok ig

mimekinnie: my name is Nath, I'm a sophomore. I go by he/they, I'm poly and bi and my boyf changed my name to this because I drew myself as a mime one time and always wear berets

cats_meow: oh so youre the hot french guy!!!

cats_meow: ive been wanting to meet you

jasontodd: um sir that's kinda gay,,,

ratgina_george: you get out of here dc superfan

ratgina_george: marvel all the way

jasontodd: *gasp*

jasontodd: you take that back

pocketwatch: things are getting heated in the superhero fandom

cats_meow: lmao yall over here with the justice league and avengers

cats_meow: the only bitches i respect in this house are kid cosmic and the local heros

jasontodd: ok thats fair

 

mimekinnie > redhoodie

 

mimekinnie: asdfghjkl

redhoodie: lmao wassup

mimekinnie: yk that guy who always wears really fucking tight leather pants??

mimekinnie: and who has the greenest eyes anyone has ever seen???

redhoodie: oh yeah the kid who always makes cat puns

redhoodie: what about him

mimekinnie: he called me

mimekinnie: and I quote

mimekinnie: "the hot french guy"

mimekinnie: like

mimekinnie: tf am I supposed to do with that????

mimekinnie: is he flirting??

mimekinnie: is he just being nice???

redhoodie: omg dude calm down

redhoodie: if he is flirting

redhoodie: and let me assure you, he def is,

redhoodie: do you at least have a chance with him?

mimekinnie: yeah he said hes gay and poly

mimekinnie: so ig you have a chance too

redhoodie: flirt with him back

redhoodie: ill come to the next meeting

redhoodie: lets woo us a catboy

Hi all, and welcome to my house. Where we shall learn about all types of things together. Wherever the wind blows me, (ie, wherever and whatever it is that Spirit has me share,) is where we shall go!

The very first thing I’m going to address, which They’ve been hammering me about, is gatekeeping. Gatekeepers and “closed practices.” Buckle up buttercup. This ride is bound to be bumpy, and definitely not the one you’re expecting.

It’s come to my attention that there seem to be “way too many Chiefs and not enough Indians,” as my mom always used to tell me when I’d decided to boss around the younger kids I deemed beneath me at that time. Whoever it was I’d decided to focus my attention on in that moment, to distract myself from the real problem. Coughs*** Myself.

Now that that’s outta the way, let me share with you, not only why this is so important, but how very dangerous, Spirit keeps screaming at me, this is. Brothers and sisters, we must do better. We must fix this, now.

There has been prophecy after Indigenous Prophecy, that we shall return to the old ways. The real way. The TRUE WAYS. For centuries. It’s happening right before our very eyes. Each and every day, someone finds the courage to walk away from the toxic, patriarchal, religious poison, they’ve been indoctrinated, brainwashed, and smothered in, all their life and then, are jumping head first into Spirituality. Returning to the old ways. Finally heeding the call of their *Higher Self. Some of us have always heard that call, and had the inner knowing too, but still, denied it for decades. Too scared to do what our Divine Guides and Guardian Angels told us, for fear of being ripped to shreds by the very people who claim to be Godly “Good people.” Then finally, we hit the “F*%# IT! Stage.” Which gives us, for the first time ever, the strength to walk towards our Divine Truth. Which is such a beautiful thing! It’s nice to leave behind the shackles of shame, oppression, guilt, demonization, judgment and condemnation for the first time in your life. There’s such a sense of forgiveness, peace, truth, true unconditional love and for the first time ever, the permission (and the freedom) to finally know what it feels like, to be true to ourself! And for some of us who’ve been beaten into submission for decades, that’s HUGE! Now imagine how heartbreaking it is, to then, be hit with the very same judgement and condemnation. But this time, from the other side of the tracks. By the people you thought and hoped, really were the embodiment of “Peace, Love and Light.” That’s a shame! And absolutely unacceptable, is what Spirit tells me. And here, is why.

#1 We, (You, Me,) each and every person on this planet are NOT colors. That’s part of the toxic, patriarchal, dominant white male, division scheme they’ve been brainwashing us with for CENTURIES, solely to keep us divided, separate and at each other’s throats. The way we always have been. ITS A LIE.

#2 Religion, is nothing more than crowd control. That’s all it’s ever been about. Even multiple practices, while some are absolutely beautiful, are still really nothing more than a way, to keep us separate.

#3 Repeat after me, “I am NOT this body. I am not even this mind.” You see, the higher we ascend on this journey, and the more enlightened we become, the more we finally come to realize, we aren’t and never were this flesh. This meat suit. This tub of guts. This, just so happens to be the vehicle we’re driving for the current “lifetime/timeline.” That’s it. It’s not us. We are not it. We, are the spirit inside it. The soul. The consciousness. The essence. That’s WHO we truly are. Everything else, your height, weight, sex, eye color, ethnicity/race, social status/economic class, and religion, is simply part of the 3D construct which was and is, designed to keep you stuck, dumb, suppressed, a sheep, and more importantly, to keep us all turned against each other. It’s a sham. A dupe. A ruse.

#4 Regardless of what the color of your skin is today, know, that in your last lifetime, you could’ve been a completely different ethnicity. You also could’ve been a totally different gender as well. Why do you think there are so many people today, who identify as “gay” or bi? Again, part of the sham. Love is love. Another example would be for instance, a woman in this reality, could’ve been male in her last lifetime, which is who/what her soul resonates most with. The soul identifies more as masculine than feminine, even though she’s a woman here today, in this lifetime. So in turn, she’s attracted to women, not men. It’s the same concept for race, religion, etc.

So please understand, every time you “gatekeep,” not only are you setting your own spiritual awakening process and ascension back, but you are potentially ruining someone else’s. Maybe you don’t understand why it is they “want, or need,” to be a part of a certain practice? Maybe THEY don’t even understand it themselves? They just know they’re being led and guided by the Divine to do so. It’s not for YOU, or ME, or ANYONE to understand, nor to tell another person what they should or shouldn’t, can or can’t, do. That’s not part of our ascension process. It’s a part of theirs. And we should respect that. As long as they’re respectful and on the journey for the right reasons, nothing else matters. And the worst of it is, the Divine keep telling me, every single time, one of us does this, we’re helping the darker forces. The same ones who’ve been ruling and controlling us for centuries. We are helping them remain here and in power. My guides have also began to show me, this misinformation is intentional to stop the Native Prophecy’s from coming to pass. The very evil who dominates, has once again, found something else to make to make the less enlightened, fight about. It’s ego and it’s a lie. But a very well played one. All in the hopes of yet again, stopping the Prophecy. More importantly, to STOP their own demise and vanquishing. Via Gatekeepers. So I need each and every one of you to remember, the next time you reach for “Gatekeeping” as your go-to response, this is what you’re supporting. This, and these beings, who’ve kept us oppressed and asleep for millenniums, have once again found something to make us “squabble” amongst ourselves about. Don’t let them win my fellow Light Beings. 🖤🔮 Let’s do better!

Hello, I'm a homo-romantic ace whose been having a lot of weird conversations lately about who belongs in the LGBT umbrella. I think anyone who is ace has the space if they want it because it is a little understood sexual orientation that experiences a lot of corrective reactions. But lately people have been arguing to me that only aces with non-hetero rom orientations and/or folk who are non cisgender have access to the space. I was wondering the following things:

2/2 what’s your take on asexuality belonging to the LGBT term, the LGBT community and the LGBT complex (cuz I think it’s gotten more complex as a functioning being)? Does asexuality belong in a tertiary space like BDSM which crosses over with queer (and shares similarities) but is not fully within it? Thanks for sharing about your thesis, every time it pops up on my dash I feel very excited. It’s been awhile since I engaged in queer theory and I am loving your work! No pressure to answer tho!

Okay, so…. this is a very contentious topic, but I have a lot of thoughts on this, especially since I’ve started doing research for my thesis. I’ve read some articles on asexuality and the queer community so… here we go. I’ve put it under the cut, so people can easily scroll past it if they’re not interested. 

(I would also like to first say that I will be use the word “queer” here. I know some people are uncomfortable with that because its past use as a slur, however, because it is an actual academic term that is used by everyone writing about these issues, and especially within queer theory, I will be using that word too. I use the word to talk about all non-normative identities/practices related to gender and sexuality, which includes the LGBTQ+ community, but is more extensive than that, including any letters not part of that acronym. Queer is also a (political and academic) practice, not just an identity. This already possibly shows where my answer to your question is going…) 

Firstly, I want to say that I understand why some people within the LGBTQ+ community might be uncomfortable about letting asexual people into that community. There is a difficult relationship between asexuality and queer identities. Some people in the field of asexuality studies have begun to write on this (I’ll list them down one or two down below). Within queer politics, historically but also now, there is a heavy focus on sex. Because queer people have struggled against oppression based on their sexual habits, not having sex is generally viewed as conservative or as a form of assimilation. For wlw this is further true because for a long time healthy sexual behaviour (aka having sex at all) was seen as impossible between two women, because both women would be sexually passive. Not having sex is not radical. This is why hetero-romantic aces are often dismissed as being “straight anyway”. Non-normative sexual practices (like cruising) are an important part of the queer community (academic work within queer studies in especially the 1990s and 2000s shows this too, wherein theoretical and political potential is mined from non-normative sex acts, including bare-backing because of its relation to the HIV crisis in the 80s).

It therefore makes sense that queer people (especially gay men and women, but also others) are uncomfortable with asexuality’s focus on not having sex, and as such asexuality is often seen as being “sex negative” instead of “sex positive” and thus bad. At least, politically. 

I, however, and other academics, do think asexuality is queer, if you define queer as being non-normative in relation to hetero-normativity). Asexuality is seen as non-normative in our current hyper-sexual society and sex is seen as a vital part of heterosexuality too (you have to reproduce and women are meant to be sexually available to men at all times). Asexual people are discriminated against because they refuse sex, which society sees as natural. While the struggles of asexual people are different from those of gay people, bi and trans people (and other identities) also have their own struggles against which they fight. This does not diminish their struggles. 

Acephobia is based on ableist ideas: if you don’t want sex, there must be something wrong with you either mentally or physically, because sex is naturally and everyone should want it and have it (often). Asexuality is often dismissed and not seen as “real”. There must be something that inhibits you from having sex, whether that is physiological, hormonal, or having to do with trauma, or maybe just because you are not “hot enough to get a boyfriend”, which reminds me of how for a long time lesbians were seen as being men-hating ugly women (and feminists). This view leads to asexuality being pathologized (as homosexuality used to be). There have been numerous ways in which low sexual desire or a lack of sexual fantasies has been sees as a disorder in the psychoanalytic tradition. Attempts to “fix” asexual people are made through things like therapy or hormone treatment (or stuff like viagra or other such things), but also through corrective rape, either in a medical contexts under the idea that sexuality needs to be “awakened” within the patient, or in the private sphere at the end of a partner or friend. Research has also shown that people see asexual people as less human, more machine-like. They admit feeling uncomfortable with asexual people, and that they may discriminate against them, such as refusing them rent. 

Asexual people have their own political issues to work through, just as any other identity within the LGBTQ+ community. However, each of these issues and more are related to the fight against hetero-normativity. Another example is that asexual people, especially those who are also aromantic, can help critique the way society privileges heterosexual romantic couplehood, especially married heterosexual couples. Asexual and aromantic people often privilege non-romantic and non-sexual relationship, such as friendships or family, allowing us to re-evaluate these other relationships and open up new forms of queer relating, which will also be appealing to other queer people, who often form their own social group or families and whose relationship and friendships are often in some way “queer”. 

On top of that, it is important to realise that there is a lot of overlap between asexual people and other queer identities. However, queer asexual people constantly remark on how they do not feel safe or represented by the queer or LGBTQ+ community, even those who “welcome” queer aces, but not hetero-romantic aces. The queer and LGBTQ+ community are heavily sexualized spaced, which makes aces feel unwelcome, but also leaves many non-asexual queer people to complain about the lack of safe spaces for queer people that aren’t about clubbing, such as the lack of queer cafes or library. The queer community (and LGBTQ+ community) is itself deeply entrenched in compulsory sexuality, just like hetero-normative society, making aces feel like they don’t belong to either community. 

If an asexual person if gay, or bi, or non-binary, or trans, or queer, or whatever, it is the LGBTQ+ and queer communities that should provide them a safe space and fight for them. Their asexuality informs their experience as homo-romantic or trans or anything else, and cannot be separated from that part of their identity. These are not separate issues. If we want to protect trans kids or gay kids or any other member of the queer/LGBTQ+ community, these communities need to be inclusive of asexuality and provide spaces where these kids are safe and can talk freely about their experiences and the challenges they face. These will undoubtedly also be informed by their asexual identity. 

We are stronger politically when we fight together. We fight the same cause. Asexual people do not ask other LGBTQ+ or queer people to not be sexual. They only ask that they are included and that their own issues are being taken seriously. 

On top of that, asexuality intersects with a lot of other queer issues. For trans folks, for example, the focus on sex in society and romantic relationships may leave them uncomfortable because of their body dysphoria and may thus run into similar issues as sex-repulsed aces. Stone butch women may find common ground with asexuality too, because of the focus on penetrative sex in society. The hypersexualisation of gay men may find that they experience similar issues as asexual people who feel they are being (hyper)sexualised despite not being sexual. There is a lot of overlap, and these issues need to be addressed. We can help each other and offer new perspectives that will help us fight for the same rights. 

On top of that, on a more abstract level, can also be valuable for queer politics in the way that it undermines our current understanding of sexual identity. The way we now think about sexuality was constructed by straight people with the aim of pathologizing and thus actively discriminate against and eliminate perverted sexuality. This started with homosexuality with Freud, and quickly began to expand. If you want to know more about this, Foucault’s History of Sexuality is a good place to start. This allowed for sexual object choice to be used to group specific people together and make them into a specific type or “species”, as Foucault calls it. Our conception of sexuality, then, was constructed to uphold heterosexuality as the norm, making heterosexuality (that is the opposite sex as the sexual object choice) out to be the natural and normal and healthy form of sexuality. 

Asexuality undermines this construction. Asexuality not only shows that there are different forms of attraction, which do not need to be connected to each other in a one-on-one relation, but also shows that sexual attraction is not the only or even the most important basis for attraction. Asexuality is not explainable in our current system and forces people to consider their sexual preferences. What do I like in sex? What kind of sex? What kind of sensuality? And with whom? If I like having sex with men, but only being sensual with women, what does that mean? Asexuality asks us what we prefer, putting the focus on preference  rather than something biological or innate that makes us feel desire towards one gender and not the other. 

This is not to say that asexuality makes sexual identity into an arbitrary choice. Rather, it shows that you cannot divide people into identity categories based on sexual object choice shows that attempting to do so is just as silly as doing so based on if you like tea or coffee. Or ketchup or mustard. On top of that, it allows for sexuality to be seen as fluid, not that it changes, but that it is not fixed. Maybe you like ketchup for a long time, and then no anymore. Or maybe you are briefly in the mood only for this specific type of mustard but not the others. Focusing on preference allows us to undermine the whole construct on which hetero-normativity is predicated. Making identities such as heterosexual or homosexual or bisexual or pansexual almost meaningless or nonsensical. If we want to do away with hetero-normativity completely, this is a crucial step to take. It allows us to focus on sexuality as a social construct, rather than something that must be biologically explained. 

TL;DR: I understand why some LGBTQ+ people are uncomfortable with the idea of bringing asexual into the community. However, I think ultimately we are fightening the same cause despite our own specific issues that we face. We have a similar stake in queer politics and queer academia. Asexuality can offer the queer or LGBTQ+ community a lot, and being inclusive to asexuality is crucial if we want to protect queer kids. As such there is a lot that both communities can offer each other. 

This goes for both queer aces and hetero-romantic aces. Hetero-romantic aces also benefit and often have a stake in dismantling hetero-normativity because they are asexual. Hetero-romantic aces also face discrimination under hetero-normativity. Because of this, asexuality at large ought to be included. Excluding hetero-romantic aces from the queer community or LGBTQ+ community shows a misunderstanding of asexuality and its political issues and seems not so much inclusive of asexual issues, but rather inclusive of those issues that relate ONLY to the other part of their identity. For queer aces, however, these two are not separate issues. If you want to be inclusive to queer aces, you have to be inclusive towards asexuality in general. 

Asexuality, then, should be fully within the queer community, not be treated as a separate but overlapping thing like BDSM. Asexuality, when taken seriously, will affect all spaces of the queer community for the better, while still allowing for sex-positive politics. 

Reading suggestions: 

Michel Foucault, History of Sexuality.

Megan Milks, “Stunted Growth: Asexual Politics and the Rhetoric of Sexual Liberation.” In Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives, edited by Karli June Cerankowski and Megan Milks. 

Erica Chu, “Radical Identity Politics: Asexuality and Contemporary Articulations of Identity.” In Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives, edited by Karli June Cerankowski and Megan Milks. 

Meet the Committee 2019/20

We have 16 committee members who work together to run the society:

1. President: Maddy, She/her, [email protected]

Hi, my name's Maddy, I use she/her pronouns, and I'm the current president of gulgbtq+! I'm a third year medical student and I was the previous welfare officer. I spend most of my time hanging out with my rat, hiding in the library, and doing things with gulgbtq+. I'm a chatty gal and I love meeting new people, so feel free to scream with me about Troye Sivan/Hayley Kiyoko/Charli XCX anytime.

If you have any questions or ideas, hit me up! I'm very excited to be a part of the society this year and engage with all our members ❤

2. VP Secretary: Quinn, He/Him, [email protected]

Hi I'm Quinn and I am your secretary this year for GULGBTQ+. I am an economic and social history student who has been going to GULGBTQ+ events since my first moment in Glasgow. I enjoy poetry, comedy and films, and dogs, dogs are good. Can't wait to see you at events! If you ever want to message myself or the committee with any questions, suggestions or comments I can be reached at [email protected], see you soon!

3. Treasurer: Emily B, She/Her, [email protected]

Hi! I’m Emily, the new VP Treasurer! I’m 21, use she/her pronouns, and am proudly bisexual. I’m currently in 4th year, studying history (dissertation time, yikes!) I’ve been part of the society over the last year, and it’s been one of the best parts of my university experience. I’ve made new friends, increased my self-confidence, and had tons of good gay times! Outside of the society, I enjoy going to gigs, caring for my many houseplants, and taking too many naps. I’m excited for my role on committee this year, although you know what they say about gays and maths! I’m constantly on social media, so feel free to drop me a bell if you have any questions or queries! I’m on twitter @_emilybarton. Hope to see you at an event soon :-)

4. Welfare: Bianca, She/he, [email protected]

Hello! My name is Bianca and I'm the Welfare Officer of GULGBTQ+. I'm a small twenty-year-old Italian and I am a third year English Language & Linguistics and Theatre Studies student. I spend most of my free time reading, crying over Shakespeare, or bingeing the latest gay shows on Netflix, and the rare times I decide to go outside and try sports I enjoy horse riding and ice skating. I'm a gryffindor and I'm very excited to be back on committee this year, so feel free to drop me an e-mail for anything you might need!

5. Events: Emily T, She/Her, [email protected]

Hi everyone! My name's Emily (Tunstall) and this year I'm really excited to be the Events Coordinator for GULGBTQ+! I'm a second year Psychology Student and in my free time I like drawing, painting, making new friends, and spending time with this society. ❤

Please feel free to say hi to me online or in person, I will almost always be wearing my Docs and at least one badge, be it on my bag or my denim jacket, if you need help recognising me. I'm always open for a good chat, to offer some advice, or if you just need some directions around Uni! I would really love to see you at our events on a Wednesday, or at one of our coffees during the week. 🌈🌈🌈

6. Women’s: Claire, She/Her, [email protected]

Hi, I'm Claire, and I'm your women's officer! I'm a third year in Microbiology. Ask me about worms. Sometimes I think I'm not a stereotype but then I remember I have two cats, a Hozier-centric Spotify, and build furniture for a hobby.

I'm so excited for another great year! One of the things I love about this society is that it's an inclusive space for all women, and I want to make everyone feel welcome. If you have any comments, questions, or concerns (or just want to chat) feel free to shoot me a message!

8. Trans: Cassidy, They/Them, [email protected]

Hey, I'm Cassidy (they/them) the new Trans officer! I'm 20 and a third year studying Classics and History. I'm a nonbinary trans woman and I'm here to represent trans people and help people with gender related things generally 🙂

Aside from being gender, I am a roller skating gamer who makes stuffed toys and loves history more than life itself. I'm looking forward to running coffee and having a great year with everyone 🙂

9. Postgraduate and Mature Students: Kyle, He/Him, [email protected]

Hey, hi, hello! I’m Kyle, a postgraduate Astrophysics student who’ll be your first PostMat Officer for this year! Avid Karaoke Fan and Polo R&B Room Resident, I’ll usually be found out and about when I’m not studying (procrastinating). My aim for the time that I’m here is to try and get more LGBTQ+ Postgraduate and Mature students involved with GULGBTQ+.

I haven’t been in Glasgow for very long, so I’m excited to share the experience of things like Glasgow Pride with you all! I’m also hoping to run some smaller gatherings (like the current PostMat Coffees) over the summer for those of us who will need a break from our dissertations. If any PostMat students have ideas to share or any concerns to raise, please don’t be afraid to email.

10. Campaigns: Jo, They/He, [email protected]

Hi, I’m Jo and I’m your Campaigns Officer! I’m a postgraduate research student in English Language & Linguistics with a particular love for all things to do with LGBTQ+ linguistics. I’m a big fan of knitting, baking, indoor bouldering and playing D&D, and I’m also involved with the English Language & Linguistics Society. I was Campaigns Officer the year before last in 2017/2018, but I just couldn’t stay away, and now I’m back for some more campaigning!

As Campaigns Officer, my role is to raise awareness of LGBTQ+ issues in the society, on campus, and in the wider world. In the past, I’ve helped run campaigns to increase awareness of trans people on campus and to encourage local hairdressers and barbers to be inclusive of their LGBTQ+ customers. This year, I hope to revitalise these campaigns and work with our other officers and members of the society to create some exciting new ones!

Please feel free to contact me if you’d like to get involved in campaigning or have any ideas that you’d like to share with me!

11. Communications and Technology: Summer, They/Them, [email protected]

Hi, I’m Summer and I’m the Communications and Technology Officer for the year! I’m a 5th year computing science student (yes, that kind of transfem!) so you’ll frequently find me programming, tinkering with Linux or providing tech support for someone. When I’m not doing that I’ll probably be knitting, playing video games, running tabletop rpgs or watching martial arts movies (or talking about how I don't have time for any of the above)!

As the recently renamed Communications and Technology officer (formerly Publicity) I'm mostly here for you to tell me why the website or mailing list doesn't work, so feel free to get in touch with any complaints and/or constructive criticisms. I hope to have a great year with you all, hopefully with a better website!

12: First Year Ordinary Member: Jenny, She/Her, [email protected]

Hiya!  I’m Jenny and I’m the interim first year representative on the GULGBTQ+ committee.  I’m going into second year studying biomedical engineering and in my free time I enjoy drawing, making soup, and loving my gf.  I met wonderful friends and made loads of good gay memories through the society in my first year and am excited to help as many freshers as possible join in on the fun this year!  I’m passionate about creating a loving and accepting community for all LGBTQ+ students, especially new ones, since I know how hard it can be to settle in.  If you’re a fresher and have any ideas, questions, or just want to make a new friend, please don’t hesitate to send me an email!

13: Bi/Pan: Valentine, They/ve, [email protected]

Hi I'm Niamh, you may recognise me as last year's nonbinary officer! I use they/them pronouns, I'm 20 and a 3rd year psychology student. This'll be my 3rd year in the society and I love it with my whole heart. If you have any issues feel free to email me or message me on Facebook (Niamh Conlan). My first and foremost want is for those coming to the society and bi events to feel comfortable and welcomed!

When I'm not being a disaster bisexual I'm dying my hair, applying clown makeup, dancing to new wave or doing kendo. I'm excited to meet you all and hope to have a great year with everyone!

14. International Students: Judith, She/they, [email protected]

Hi! I’m Judith, I’ve been described as “the lesbianest person I know” by my flatmate and if you ask me where I’m from, I’m likely to name three countries, so I guess it makes sense that I’d be your international officer. I’m a third year psychology and statistics student who likes to avoid studying by going swordfighting (yes, I own an actual sword, but don’t worry, I only use it against transphobes) or putting on facepaint before a metal gig. But don’t get the wrong impression, I’m actually a very quiet person who’s always there to listen or give you advice. Feel free to message me on Facebook (Judith AN), send me an email or just come talk to me during the international coffees I’ll be running!

15. Aromantic and Asexual: Lo, They/Them, [email protected]

Hello! I’m Leilo (they/them), 20, and happy to be the ace/aro officer! My job is to represent people who are (or are questioning if they are) on the spectrums of being aromantic or asexual, so feel free to email me! As ace/aro officer I host biweekly coffees so aros, aces, and those who are questioning, can come together.

I’m a second year Maths student but will probably add philosophy as my second main subject. Aside from sitting over Math problems for way longer than seems necessary, you will find me writing, working out, or philosophising about bdsm.

16: Non-binary: Robyn, They/Them, [email protected]

Salut! I’m Robyn and I’m the Non-Binary Officer. I’m a 2nd Year French/History student and I was born in Glasgow - I’m like a rare pokemon. I only resurrect during Eurovision season and have a hoard of sunglasses. And I’m a massive comic book nerd (yes I am Batman’s sidekick on the side).

I’m always down for a chat and feel free to DM me with anything from issues, to memes! I’m very excited to be your Non-Binary boi this year!!

How can one be bi and ace? I’m definitely bi but I am very confused because for a long time I did not know if I was ace or not and I still don’t know. It did not occur to me that someone can be both. can you explain to help me better understand it? Thank you

Please do not rebl0g this post, and please do not interact with it for the purpose of disc0urse. I’m not looking for notes or a debate, and doing either will just result in an instant block. Thanks in advance for understanding.

Yeah absolutely! I’m obviously only one person so my experience isn’t universal, but I’ll try and give u the best insight I can with how I reconcile both the terms. This became a little bit of an essay so I’m gonna put a lot of it under a readmore and leave the TL;DR up here lol

I am a huge romantic--I dream of one day finding a person who I will share my home and life with, someone who will fall asleep by my side, and who I will be able to trust with my whole heart and my most vulnerable thoughts. I just don’t particularly care what gender that person identifies as, nor do I really feel the pressing need to pursue any act of sex with them. That, at its core, is why I choose to identify as bi ace.

Some recommended reading I have is the text New Sexuality Studies (on Worldcat here) specifically for the introduction, but really u can read from multiple articles and glean a lot of insight into the social construction of sexuality, which makes it a lot easier to understand our identities as words rather than intrinsic facts about our bodies. A lot of it’s also just cool and fun to read about, I’m ngl. At least it is for me, idk how many other ppl do academic readings for fun OTL

Bisexuality/romanticism is, the way I see it, the attraction to multiple genders. My biromanticism--as in, the experience I personally have--is the attraction to certain masculine, feminine, and androgynous characteristics, regardless of what a person identifies as. For a long time I identified as asexual mascromantic (that is, the romantic attraction towards people who identified as boys/men, and people who leaned masculine on the spectrum.) Last year was when I made the realisation that I also have--and have had for a long time--an attraction towards feminine characteristics (I have always been very attracted to androgynous characteristics, even before I had access to my queer identities. I wrongly believed this to be the case for everyone which is sort of why I lean more towards a bi ID than pan? That and I like the pride colours more, haha.)

Asexuality is a spectrum. At its core, the definition of asexuality is “does not experience sexual attraction.” This does not inherently mean that ace people do not experience romantic attraction, sexual arousal, sexual pleasure, or sexual fantasies. Hell, asexuals can in fact even experience sexual attraction! Sometimes they only experience it in certain situations, or sometimes they experience it rarely enough that it factors very lowly in their identity. Thinking “well hey I’ve thought of having sex/I have felt sexual attraction historically/I feel sexual pleasure through masturbation or other means, so I can’t be asexual!” is false. If you fall closer to allosexuality on the spectrum but still feel that being allo doesn’t exactly fit your attraction, you are totally welcome to ID as ace!

At the end of the day, identities are nothing more than words to describe experiences. They don’t have the power to change who you are, but they can help you understand that person a little bit better. I hope all of this helps!

Sounding out views on LGBTQA+ness in...

Yaa: Mostly treated like a weird fetish. No violence about it, but talk of it outside of LBG communities would definitely be met with amusement and used to squick people. Trans people would be met with “oh like the Yinerny?” because Yaa doesn’t have its own social construct to meet that, negative or positive. In fact, their words for trans people would probably translate to “a Yinerny man” regardless of assigned gender or gender identity. Aces would be the most unfathomable thing to Yaa culture, where life is very much considered to be about power and pleasure--and both are considered inextricably sexual.

Tribes of Yinerny: As implied, they aren’t big on gender, let alone a binary... except when it comes to having sex. Namely, they don’t consider any sexual relations outside of penis-vagina penetration to be “real sex.” Perfectly acceptable, but not sex, just pleasure-seeking. (This includes, but is not limited to, gay sex.) Traditional family units are expected to be comprised of a penis-haver and a vagina-haver, who, without question of gender, are expected to make babies, and they are expected not to have “real sex” outside of that construct. However, “pleasure-seeking” outside of the relationship is not considered taboo. Non-traditional family units and a lack of family unit are socially permitted. Given that, aces and aros wouldn’t find themselves under very much pressure to conform, though they wouldn’t likely be particularly understood.

They don’t concern themselves with gender expression, so much, as role expression. Their identities are hunter, soldier, leader, agriculturalist, merchant, craftsman, cook, oral artist, visual artist, pleasure expert, scholar, subsets of everything listed, and more, though those are the big ones. None of it is considered mutually exclusive, though it would be very much frowned upon to express a role you don’t hold.

The Great Graves: The mass of tiny mountain nations are a bit of an ethnic sliding scale between the Yaa and the Yinerny. If there is an independent mountain attitude that seeps up and inserts itself into either worldview, it probably boils down to “If you deviate from the local norm, we’ll beat you up. But if you can give as good as you get, well, that’s pretty cool, wanna hang out?” And deviants (of any stripe, not just gender or orientation,) that made it “in” would likely thenceforth be defended by whoever had previously come at them.

Kapatak Union: A continent of many countries will have many cultures and views, but with their trade union making travel relatively easy and safe, the cultural cross-pollination has been going on so long I feel I can safely divide this into two subcategories...

Inland and Eastern Kapatak: Kapatak is very big on traditional family values, which to them means SETTLE DOWN AND HAVE AS MANY KIDS AS YOU CAN POSSIBLY FEED AND LOVE THEM ALL YAY. They welcome The Gays with open arms, so long as they’ll follow these simple societal rules... 1, look for a partner to settle down with! 2, that done, adopt as many kiddos as possible! Kapatak assumes this is the reason homosexuality and barrenness exist--nature’s provision for orphans. Bi people will confuse them. (What? Wait. Are you a baby-maker or not? If you can make your own babies, you should, it’s great!) Aces and aros probably won’t will be overlooked, and the sex-repulsed of any stripe will be met with the same horrified pity given to the infertile.

(Views on polyamory, cheating, and open relationships differ too much from country to country to explore here. Some countries/regions hold hetero and homosexual family units to the same standard, some don’t.)

Anyone who does not want to have kids... had better be poor enough to justify it in the eyes of public opinion, or else suffer the >:( of the people. Big yikes.

Trans people and the very concept of non-binaryness would tend to boggle them, but as long as the trans person in question was willing to make or take babies, there would be no ill will. Within the (extensive, mage-filled) scientific community of Kapatak, there is study on intersex biology, and the question has arisen of whether to be trans is in fact to be spiritually intersex.

Western Coastal and Island Kapatak: A lot of the above holds, but ideas and blood from Yaa and Yinerny would have met them in the harbors. And ideas, if not blood, from Juwan.

Mynora: Very... categorical, if not quite binary. Quaternion, actually--cis male, trans male, cis female, and trans female are your social options. They’re fairly egalitarian between the four categories, but enbies are out of luck. Gayness is considered an imbalance of power. Like, the way they see it, cis male-female relations and trans male-female relations are standard. Has to do with the way they see sex and romance as an expression of power from both sides--the meeting of equal and opposite forces. So they would see homosexuality as a, a spiritual mismatch. People in same-sex relationships would be very harried about their love lives, regularly under siege by Concerned Friends and Relatives, but physically safe. Not considered gross, or even wrong per say, but worryingly unbalanced. Anything that went wrong in their lives would be blamed on this unbalance. >_>

Interestingly, this is the only society outside of Juwan that has a word and a social place for aro-aces. The term is “saving themselves for battle,” with the concept being that they must have sexual and romantic energy, and if it’s not being thus expressed sexually and romantically, their spirits must be bottling it for another use. The battle-sworn don’t need to express themselves in battle, per say--but they probably will. (Sex and romance are too intertwined, to them, to consider non-aro aces and non-ace aros, alack. By the same token, casual hookups or cheating = Very Taboo.)

After 200 years of violently oppressive serfdom and borderline genocide under the Kapatak, however, many concepts unique to the Mynore’s culture have been lost or near-lost, however.

Juwan: I know the least about the Juwan, who, like the Kapatak, have a continent of multiple nations. Unlike the Kapatak, they are not as united on many things. But I do know that as a (fantasy) race (morphologically, spiritually, and essentially human), they are the most androgynous people in my world, which makes it feel somewhat ironic to me that many of their cultures seem to hold more strongly to distinct gender roles than most of the other cultures--although they do have a “third gender” role into which trans, gender nonconforming, and intersex people of all varieties are thrown indiscriminately together.

Asexuality is both more common and more recognized, and they are culturally aromantic to the point that romantics would be the ones that required a label. Hetero, homo, and bisexuality don’t have any especial judgement passed upon them, so long as everyone involved keeps inside one of the 3 gender roles. One thing common to all Juwan cultures seems to be the idea that anything worth doing is worth becoming absolutely excellent at, so they direct their sex-judgey energy to the question of “are they a good lay?”

~

There’s a lot more to discover, and probably some things to correct, but that’s what I know about that. Why does my first batch of stories have to be set in the Great Graves and Yaa?? Bleh. It is, for geo-political plot reasons, what it is.

LGBTQIA+ (and other orderings and additional lettering) - I get why this is popular given the history of the initialism, and I'm not really asking that to change because it is so recognizable and that recognition has done a lot of good. However, the constant addition of letters is confusing and in my opinion divisive about who is included and who is not represented in them. I like the acronym QUILTBAG better. Let me explain… First off it's a word, so is in a sense complete. Words all have origins, and while etymology is important, it is not the end definition and can change to include more and more. I'm going to explain the etymology as I understand it and find most respectful. And how I feel it works better in my mind than the current initialism. Please understand, while I make an argument I will never deny how recognized the current initialism is and how being individually recognized and respected has been more positive as a result. That is not in question, and I do not expect LGBTQIA+ to ever be withdrawn… I just sometimes wonder if we've outgrown it. Now lemme give you more details about what QUILTBAG means to me.

Q = Queer - Queer is for everyone and I personally like the idea of it being first. Though when L became the popular first letter I thought that was super cool because putting women first in anything doesn't happen enough and that constant erases the importance of women as a huge part of the world as a whole… and so 'L' being first is great. But when you put the all inclusive word somewhere random toward the end I think that buries the lead. Especially when you consider all lesbians are queers but not all queers are lesbians. Feel free to replace the word lesbians in that phrase with any other title in the initial soup that is our community. Some find it a slur or insulting but honestly it’s no worse than gay, and it covers a lot more. We're here! We're queer! Get used to it! Queer Nation is an inclusive thing… Or at least it should be. U = Unsure - You might ask why this should be in there at all and I will tell you this: Recognizing that a lot of us start out questioning why we're different and then the questions and sometimes fluidity that follows is important because almost all of us were unsure of who we are or where or if we belong at some point, a lot of us still are, some of us always will be. Unsure includes those who might be afraid to examine that uncertainty and bring condemnation down from their family, friends, and regional or religious communities. Sure you can use the word questioning here, but I think it leaves a lot out, not to mention is ruins my favorite acronym. But mostly it leaves out those searching for us, yearning to belong, not just questioning taking that first step in our direction, but unsure if they can or if we'll accept them, and we should keep them always in our thoughts and always be ready to welcome them even when they still don't or perhaps even never know. This should hold true when the ones unsure our ourselves, about what label the unsure fall under, or if we should help them find one, or unsure how to support some that don't want one or care that more than one or even none apply to them. Uncertainty is a part of all our personal histories in some way, do not erase it or you risk erasing our pasts and our future. I = Intersex - I love love love the letter 'I' being close to the front of the line because of all the other letters this is the one that if normalized can, should, and I hope will one day obliterate the binary. There are so many ways to be intersex that I cannot even list them all, but a few are, chromosomal things that go beyond xx and xy with variations such as xxx, xxxx, xxy, some include an o, plus many other combinations that I probably missed in research and science hasn't discovered yet. Or it could be that someone presents as female but has xy chromosomes, or their genitalia is ambiguous which is an endless spectrum. When you include intersex into a conversation about gender, that binary crumbles. Which bathroom should someone use? If you correctly and rightly include the term intersex and those who are intersex into the conversation, the 'solution' becomes so complex as to demolish the the idea that there is a binary or in the case of bathrooms, that labels even can be put on them. Hello Ally McBeal and the unisex bathroom. That show gave the world the perfect solution and even if on air today, that concept is still ahead of its time. L = Lesbians - I still love the idea that women are not pushed down the ladder just for being women. I like that they and every letter in this acronym have a place that is not decided for any reason by gender or sexuality but because they help make a cohesive whole. Lesbians have been some of the largest lifters of the community and the ones that held us together during times of struggle and death. They historically have not only rejected the idea of women as property but the gender binary with our butch babes not fearing the attention it brought them and the violence often associated with that attention and the lipstick loves that never feared standing beside them. T = Transgender - Much of the same that I said for Lesbians goes for our Transgender darlings, but I like that they are in the middle as well, and not in the forgotten middle child way, but when looking at a stand alone word, acronym, or initialism, your eye goes to the middle first even if you don’t realize it. I hate to skew the reasoning to only the sighted, especially because how I came to this feeling has just as much to do with keypads having a little bump on the five. We can get anywhere on a numeric keypad from that bump. And this might get complex so bear with me. The prefix trans means change to go from one thing or place to another, and they are the embodiment of the word… and we are trying to change the world and the minds of bigots. Those who identify as transgender have such a public bullseye on them. When you think about the trans prostitutes men seek out, you should know they are also the victims of more assaults, rapes, and murders than any other type of sex worker. That getting transitional surgery can be downright impossible if the person does not fit the mold cis doctors feel they should. That they get hate from our community, the community they should feel safe in, is a travesty. To me they're the home key, they run the entire gamut of our community and should be in the center of our circle so they are protected by all of us, just like they have protected all of us time and again throughout history. And I’m hoping that you will continue and help a group I’m just starting to learn about, Two Gender.

B = Bisexual - Another group (of sadly many) that so much of our community don’t recognize, believe, or welcome. They are often ridiculed or made to feel like an outsider where they should feel safe. Bisexuals are much more likely to be sexually assaulted than single-sexuals. They are subjected to public erasure by not just cis-straights, but by gays and lesbians, who in our community are the ones that have gotten to lead it, and like every group to have ever existed, have impressed their own biases and misconceptions on the rest of us. I believe that tide is turning and I hope that sooner rather than later the ones still being exclusionary become more compassionate and see their own hypocrisy and work to better themselves the way we all want the cis-straight world to better themselves and include all of us. Because our beautiful bi's paved the largest path into the idea that a binary does not exist so far. Everyone should be grateful they are breaking such a toxic false narrative. A = Asexual / Aromantic / Agender - The ideal behind the community is that sexuality and gender fall on a spectrum and part of that spectrum, just like the spectrum of color includes black and white and various shades of gray, the colors often seen as colorless, we must include those that are not sexual, do not desire romance, and/or gender does not apply to them. To not include them would destroy the very idea of spectrum, without them there is no rainbow. We need to educate ourselves and that education needs to include the spectrum that exists within just the amazing Ace part of the community. To deny them is to deny all of us.

G = Gay - while the last letter of this acronym, it’s one that must be there. The sad truth of a patriarchal society is that men are granted acceptance first. Men are the ones often noticed first, often heard first, and often the first to change the narrative. I will not deny there is still a lot of stigma against our gay men, many are hated more than their female counterparts in various ways such as being subjected to emasculating slurs, when you are not just men but some of the bravest men in the world. That includes those still in the closet. I want to thank the Old Guard for opening the door, without that we wouldn't have the chance to break down the walls. I want to thank my effeminate brethren for their bravery in the face of violence and ridicule. You also have helped break down the gender binary. Not that you aren’t men, like butch lesbians aren’t not women, but you make the idea that men and women have to hold to certain social standards of what those should look like, and that helps all of us. Though you’re still sharing your letter with the genderqueer, and that sounds like a fabulous group to share with. I hope you agree. But what about all the rest of us? What about all the other initials, letters and numbers? What about the polys and pans that are gaining momentum in destroying the social construct of the binary? What about the two spirits and the hijra third gender? What about all the others that don't have a letter, don't want a label, or fall fluidly under different ones or more than one at some point or other? What about us? What about our allies? To us and our allies, I say this bag is strong enough and large enough to hold us all. We are the thread of this quilt and we stitch it together with the strength of unity. Those that remove us as the thread endanger everyone. When someone picks and chooses what other representations should be allowed into the QUILTBAG because that unravels their own support and foundation and threatens the rest of ours as well.   With that in mind I'd like to bring in the army of kinksters, our BDSM babes, and use the first phrase I learned when I decided to be part of that community too [ Gasp! Could they be part of the QUILTBAG? I think so ] because the idea of Safe, Sane*, and Consensual is the strap, naturally made of leather and chain, holding up the QUILTBAG. Historically anyone today that is considered part of the LGBTQIA+ or QUILTBAG community were once automatically seen as part of the wonderful [but loathed] kinky BDSM scene, no matter what they were called at any given time. So why would Safe, Sane*, and Consensual be so important to those of us not overlapping into the world of kink? The truth is we need to keep ourselves, our partners, and our community safe, protecting every single one, regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, mental stability, physical disability or anything else that is considered 'other' even within our circle. And we need to do this on a macro and micro level. I use the word sane in a *non-medical sense*, but in the broader sense that we need to be reasonable and understanding of social and political and personal climates, so we can make decisions about when to push hard and when a more conservative approach is needed to keep our people as aforementioned: safe. This includes respecting a person's choice to not push if that's what they need to do to keep themselves and those closest to them safe. And support the brave that put their lives on the line no matter how dangerous it gets for those that cannot, the future of us all here now and those yet to come. The word choice leads to the concept of consent. And consent is crucial to a healthy community. To voice consent, lack of it, or removal of it should be respected. To consider the ability to consent is another huge part of that. Allowing children to transition, say no, and be who they are is paramount, but they also are not finished developing, they are often malleable, and often easy to manipulate because they are still learning. To take away their rights or take advantage steals from them. The monsters hurting our children or anyone that is not in a position to stand up for themselves are not part of our alphabet. They steal choice, they steal happiness, they steal lives, and that we cannot, do not, and will never abide.   Another reason why the term QUILTBAG speaks to me is part of our community's recent history. If you do not know what the Names Project was, then I suggest you look into it, but a brief summary is that the AIDS crisis took so many of us, placed the blame on us, again swelling the stigma against us, but ignored that we were dying by the thousands… The Names Project got created and quilts were made with the names of the dead sewn into the fabric. Some of these quilts but certainly not all of them (and by no means all names get to be in a quilt because there were so many dead) were laid out in Washington D.C. forcing people to see us, to help us, to protect us from the cold of invisibility, hate, and ignorance. Our community, our QUILTBAG, is soft, caring, warm, and welcoming because we know what it means to be hated and unwanted; it is strong thanks to the mettle of its members past, present and future; it supportively holds us all, keeping us together and safe from those who would harm us… it is all this and more.

Or at least it should be. Sincerely,

Someone that Should Be But Is Not Accepted Under the LGBTQIA+ Banner P.S. I might also be making a literal quilted bag with a leather and chain strap to carry around

What it’s like: Nonbinary at Work

Fabulously decorated PCPL book carts at a Pride parade

We've always been remarkably supportive of our LGBTQ+ staff (learn more about the history of our LGBT services committee!). So it’s been a while now that I’ve been out at work, and I’ve been joined by several other staff of various gender identities who prefer to use they/them/theirs pronouns, too!

As I leave PCPL for new adventures, I'd like to add my story of what it's like on a day-to-day basis to take this path, and what this kind of inclusion can look like for other individuals and workplaces in the community.

How did you come out?

I’ve been out as bi, or queer (meaning, I have dated people of various genders) at PCPL since I started the better part of a decade ago. As far as being out as genderqueer (my personal term of choice, somewhat interchangeable with the newer term nonbinary)...well, it’s not so much that I was “closeted” per se, but that I’ve had an evolving understanding of what that means both personally and socially. My understanding, I think, has evolved right along with society’s.

I had to know people using “they” pronouns before they seemed like an option I could try, too. I had to research about how trans and nonbinary people come out at work before I formally had those conversations with my boss (although it wasn’t really much of a surprise). And being a librarian, I have always been drawn to reading about a wide range of LGBTQ+ experiences: storytelling is a powerful tool for understanding yourself and learning to tell your own story, too.

How often does it come up on a daily basis?

Really not that much, after the first month or so! Because I work with the same people regularly, and I’m out to them, much like with my orientation (most of my colleagues have met my partner, too), it’s a pretty smooth process. 

What’s it like if people use the wrong pronouns?

It happens from time to time, especially with people who were used to my former name and pronouns (I changed my name at the same time, which was a bigger adjustment). 

I prefer when people either briefly acknowledge it (or not) and move on in the moment or with a brief follow-up note, and more importantly, try to get it right next time, rather than making a big deal out of it.

What about customers?

Since I currently work more behind the scenes on the website, and because I use a name that often reads as male, I am just as likely to be gendered as a guy over email, so that feels pretty balanced, I guess.

I don’t like when we have to share pronouns (e.g. meetings, email signatures). It feels like private information.

Well, whether or not Karen introduces herself with her pronouns at a meeting, your brain is kind of nodding along and going "ah, Karen, she/her/hers," on autopilot. Sharing pronouns is just a way to add on to or correct that automatic process.

However, I prefer things like email signatures, meeting introductions and so to include pronouns optionally, since you never know if someone may or may not feel comfortable sharing this information.

Some of the book recommendations I share at the end of the post, especially Beyond Trans and Troubling the Line, offer some interesting, practical ways of reframing these ideas and moving forward constructively.

Is it just about pronouns?

No, I wish! Just as being LGB, and so many other queer identities, isn't “just pronouns" either, but about the entire identity, history, appearance, behavior, and social fabric of a person. 

Realistically, I know that if I change my name again or use different pronouns, not all the problems, social awkwardness, and discrimination related to who I am would disappear. Various aspects would change, stay the same, get easier, and get harder. That's just how life works.

Regardless of what the future holds, I will always be grateful to everyone who has been kind, supportive, and accepting as I have experimented with seeing what works best in the present.

What about the name change? What was it like changing your name at work?

There were a lot of systems that had to get updated! There are still some where my old name still pops up from time to time, after several years. And of course, some coworkers took longer to get used to it than others.

This is a good thing to be conscious of when you have a coworker who is transitioning, that they’re going to be dealing with a lot of stressful bureaucratic stuff, so they’d appreciate your patience and support.

So it sounds like you’ve had a very supportive experience at PCPL. Does that mean it’s easy?

Well, that’s one reason I’ve stayed here so long, it's wonderful to find such a welcoming place.

I would also say, it has been far easier than I feared. When you base your expectations around worse case scenarios and what people say online, you aren't taking into account how accepting most people are in real life. Ultimately, your personal life often doesn't have much of an impact on your professional life day-to-day, yet feeling seen and accepted for who you are is such a relief, compared to the feeling of distance and secrets that comes with being closeted. 

However, like many colleagues in similar or equivalent situations, I’ve sometimes experienced microaggressions, and found myself wishing that I had known what support to ask for sooner (in some cases, months or years sooner!). Those tradeoffs have been worthwhile for me, but I couldn't have known that until I tried.

What advice would you give someone who's considering coming out?

Try to suss out your supervisors' and colleagues' attitudes towards other LGBTQ+ people at your work, test the waters with lower-stakes interactions, and research both your employer's and local jurisdiction's policies and protections.

Also, you have many options to consider, such as using a different name or pronouns professionally vs. personally, and finding other meaningful ways to support the LGBTQ+ community in your professional and volunteer time. Coming out and being out isn't a one-time or final state, more of a path that works individually and contextually.

Is there anything else you’d like people to know about being genderqueer at work?

I think that it’s a common misconception that these things are nothing but a hassle or a source of tension. But my identities, my ways of being in my body and being with the people I love, have brought a lot of joy and richness to my life, and so much life experience and empathy to draw on.

Read beyond the binary with these books! And here are some more ideas.

Troubling the Line

Beyond Trans

The Barrow Will Send What It May

And some more great reads! (I can't promise everything on the list includes nonbinary or genderqueer characters, but many do.)

Great LGBTQIA+ characters in fiction

List created by PimaLib_JB

Meet a rainbow of queer, transgender, intersex, hijra, two-spirit, and nonbinary characters at PCPL.

Love Beyond Body, Space, and Time

That Inevitable Victorian Thing

Anger Is A Gift

View Full List

What it’s like: Nonbinary at Work published first on https://medium.com/@SteampunkPCGames

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Uma Kotwal, ‘Turfing out the TERFs’

Uma Kotwals’s recent talk for Warwick Pride LGBT+ History Month explored the conflict between trans erasing radical feminism (TERF) and trans women.

Debunking the myths

Many radical feminists are not transphobic; many are themselves trans. However, there is some radical feminists regard trans women as a threat to feminism. Kotwal explored this trope through certain themes.

Gender essentialism

Radical or gender critical feminists often argue for reframing activism beyond the heteronormative gender system (sometimes referred to as gender nihilism). Some see in trans women a form of gender essentialism and reinforcement of gender roles.

Kotwal acknowledged that some trans women are reinforcing gender roles, but so are cisgender women. Gender still has a bearing on our lives. Trans women may have to perform femininity in order to access medical treatment, legal recognition and social recognition. 

Much TERF ideology reinforces binary concepts of gender and is itself gender essentialist. For example, some radical feminists have argued against anti-discrimination protections based on gender identity in favour of anti-discrimination protections based only on sex. Some have expressed discomfort with the term ‘cisgender’, arguing that as gender is entwined with sex it is a moot term. However, Kotwal argues that this risks reducing womanhood to sex characteristics and reinforcing binary gender roles.

Coercion of children

Against the argument that gender (role) non-conforming children are being coerced into identifying as trans, Kotwal argued that trans children are often coerced to act according to their sex assigned at birth.

Male privilege

Against arguments that trans women experience male privilege by virtue of often being born with a penis, Kotwal argued that the experience of trans women is different to that cisgender men. Trans women are often very disempowered in society and experience higher rates of violence.

The penis is not inherently male or masculine; people of all genders have penises. Male power or domination does not arise from the penis, it is socially constructed. Women’s oppression is not based on sex characteristics but on gender.

Lesbian and bi women

Capitalism/nationalism

Lesbian and bi relationships are sometimes seen as a threat to the nuclear family. The reason the nuclear family structure is privileged under capitalism is because, as Christine Thomas writes, “Capitalists also required a workforce that was disciplined, obedient and deferential to authority. The patriarchal family, in which men had control over women and children, including through the use of physical violence, was a useful institution for instilling these values and for promoting appropriate gender roles.”

Furthermore, as Cheshire Calhoun writes, “The construction of gay men and lesbians as highly stigmatized outsiders to the family who engage in family disrupting behavior allays anxieties about the potential failure of the heterosexual nuclear family by externalizing the threat to the family. As a result, anxiety about the possibility that the family is disintegrating from within can be displaced on to the specter of the hostile outsider to the family.”

(However, I would argue that the emergence of rainbow families suggests that lesbian and bi women have a new utility to the capitalist state. This phenomenon has sometimes been referred to as homonationalism.Related to this are nationalist colonial discourses that portray non-Western LGBT+ women as disadvantaged. These discourses ignore the fact that non-binary women are recognised in some non-Western countries.)

Predatory behaviour

Pointing to the trope of ‘queer woman converts younger heterosexual woman’, which appears in novels and films of lesbianism, Ruby Lott-Lavigna argues that “converting the straight girl... is cinema’s idea of how the lesbian relationship functions.” This effectively portrays lesbian and bi women as coercive when, in reality, lesbian and bi women are often frightened of pursuing other women and can be subjected to homophobia or biphobia in shared women’s spaces.

Lesbian and bi TERFs

However, Kotwal noted that some cisgender lesbian and bi women are also TERFs and do use anti-phallus rhetoric against trans women. Lesbian and bi trans women can experience exclusion from other lesbian and bi women and spaces. As Avory Faucette writes, “You’re confused about what it means to be a lesbian, or a woman. I don’t care what your physical preferences are or what gender identity you prefer. I do care that you confuse those two things, and thereby insult trans women. I care that you don’t bother to interrogate the origins of your phallus-based distaste for trans women, and think about whether it’s actually a dislike of the organ that’s happening here or whether transphobia and a refusal to view trans women as women is involved.”

Re-thinking terminology

In an effort to be inclusive of trans and non-binary people, some organisations have started to use the term ‘non-men’ in the place of ‘women’. Some feminists have argued that this is effectively erasing women.

Kotwal argued for a language of womanhood that is not based on sex characteristics, and for a social rather than biological definition of (female) gender. She did acknowledge, however, that female sex characteristics do affect many women - they experience periods and experience discrimination on the basis of their sex characteristics (President Trump’s “grab her by the pussy” remarks being a case in point) - but should not be the sole definitional point for womanhood.

Ways forward

There are, unfortunately, transphobic academics and public intellectuals, including at University of Warwick. There are also, however, risks in no platforming or protesting TERFs as this is commonly raised as an attack on free speech.

Kotwal argued for the importance of talking about and understanding the everyday experiences and issues of trans women. The Museum of Transology is one example of this. Trans women need feminism and feminist spaces due to the misogyny they face. Trans women played and important role in Stonewall and continue to play an important role in the ensuing now global pride festivals; this should be recognised.

It is our responsibility to make feminist activist spaces and language explicitly welcoming to LGBT+ women.