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edwinspaynes · 6 months

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you hinted towards it: cptsd vs autism. welcome to exemplify it with The Best Couple if you like. i just want (more) answers to this confusion and maybe to be psychoanalysed myself too but like one?? both?? neither?? what do those scenarios look like, and as a bonus have you heard of the pda profile and how it looks almost exactly like cptsd??

So you sent me another ask asking for a deep dive, and instead of answering that one it prompted me to actually take the leap and answer this one, LOL. Thanks, I've been meaning to for a while.

ALASTAIR AND cPTSD.

Okay, so Alastair has cPTSD. It's canon. Cassie confirmed it in March 2020 at an event in St. Louis. I don't know if it's online anywhere, but I was in attendance and she said that [regarding Alastair] the children of alcoholics have "as much PTSD as war veterans."

One example of this is from his PoV scene in ChoI:

Alastair stood in the parlor, staring blankly out the window at the house next door. He had been watching two little boys playing on the floor of their living room while their mother worked at her embroidery and their father read the newspaper. He could not help but hear his mother’s words as she’d wept, The child will never know his father. Lucky child, he’d said to Cordelia, but under the flippancy, there was a hard, cold sorrow, a sorrow that felt like a blade of ice cutting through him. It was hard to breathe around the loss.

In this scene alone he experiences multiple symptoms of PTSD from the diagnostic criteria sheet. However, this is far from the only place we see his symptoms - his insecurities in talking about Charles, his explicit statement that seeing Charles makes him feel sick, and the "rough around the edges" demeanor also qualify.

THOMAS AND AUTISM.

Okay, now this is probably going to be the harder one to get into because, unlike Alastair's cPTSD, it is not canon. It is a headcanon. That being said, I believe it to be a strong one.

Some autism symptoms Thomas shows in canon include:

Taking things literally (like, he doesn't realize when Alastair is joking until they know each other really well)

Having his own unique phrases and descriptive words

Sometimes having trouble reading cues

Having increased empathy/immense care (her name was Filomena)

Physical clumsiness

Difficulty expressing emotions, even when the emotions are strong

Rash and impulsive behaviours

I will concede that these things do not always mean autism is present, and the clumsiness is probably just because he grew 2 feet overnight. But still, I think Thomas is probably autistic having read his internal poetic monologue as well as how genuinely awkward he feels in most social settings.

I also will post a few photos of TLH passages that scream AUTISTIC to me:

Immediate trust in James despite his odd speech and movements, to the point that he still felt betrayed/hurt after hearing him speak completely differently than usual. A cue-reading difficulty.

Unsure of how to define interpersonal relationships

Unique ways of looking at things, executing plans that are a poor idea for practical reasons despite being good in theory. Also, the emotional awkwardness of asking James whether he minds being punched is gold.

And, a personal favorite,

Getting locked into a plan and being inflexible lol. Also interrupting! I feel that!

INTERPLAY.

I think one of the most fascinating things about TLH is the way that characters' neurodivergences interact with one another. Thomas and Alastair who are, yes, Best Couple, are no exception.

This is another passage that I think Thomas's possible autism shines through, and it's one that I think is relevant for unpacking their relationship development. Alastair's PTSD shines through here as well:

In this passage, we have Alastair (someone with cPTSD):

Try to connect with strange, socially-awkward humor

Alastair probably genuinely seeing the travel year as a vacation because it's an escape from his home life

Alastair naturally self-sabotaging/pushing Thomas away despite his efforts to connect

A sincere apology, but one that seems somewhat awkward - like, he knows he upset Thomas, but still is "startled"

And we have Thomas:

Taking Alastair's statement literally rather than as a joke

Defining what he believes the "travel year" to be (as fact)

Giving Alastair a goodbye handshake (bb no ily but no)

I think that this awkward neurodivergence intersection does keep Thomas and Alastair apart at first. This is one example way. There are other examples, though, too - Alastair pushing Thomas away because he doesn't think he deserves love, assuming he's bad for people. Thomas being petty and struggling to communicate, sending iconic but weird fire messages. An inability to DTR for a long time.

This brings us the Comedy of Errors that I adore in ChoT.

But I think that their respective neurodivergence is what makes their relationship so special, too.

Both of them are extremely empathetic. Both of them are also extremely reckless in some situations, but they can help each other navigate these situations. Alastair following Thomas on solo patrol is a good example of this.

I also think that they are capable of understanding each other extremely well.

Alastair knows how Thomas is feeling and offers a hand to him.

We have the opposite true as well. Thomas is the only person to consistently and stubbornly believe in Alastair. He is also the person that Alastair is consistently vulnerable with. He cries in all 3 TLH books, twice when he is being vulnerable with Thomas and once when he thinks he lost Thomas. And Thomas is always reminding Alastair that he loveable, and easy to love.

I also want to talk about the scene after Thomas and Alastair have sex. He at his point unequivocally has Thomas. Their relationship is defined, and it is serious. But the next day, Alastair still doubts that Thomas might love him because of his Bad Charles Experience.

Thomas can empathize and intuit what Alastair needs here.

It's great.

This is what I love about their relationship.

I'll close this post with a couple paragraphs I wrote in my fic that serves as a love letter to the ship, because it's why they hit so well:

“[W]e just fit together, don’t we?” He looked thoughtful to Alastair, who looked up at him through one open eye. “We are each exactly what the other needs.” “Yes,” Alastair agreed. “We are.” And they laid there for hours, Thomas stroking Alastair’s hair as he told him about Elias Carstairs, the whole truth of him. Some good, most bad, all ugly and broken and raw and real. And while they couldn’t save each other, while they couldn’t cure each other, they helped each other heal.

Without the intersection of neurodivergence, this would not be possible.

#alastair carstairs #thomas lightwood #thomastair #tsc deep dives

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seikatsu-ga-tsuzuku · 4 months

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Hi, I really love reading your blog, thanks for sharing your posts. Even if I'm not the one who asked your otps, do you mind if I asked why you love those couples (your otps)? You can pick at least 3 couples, if you want to write the reasons.....

Sorry if I ask too much, feel free to just ignore my ask. Also sorry again if I send this ask twice....

I don't think anyone has ever said they like reading my blog, so somehow this makes me happy. I get little traction on my posts so most of the time I'm thinking I'm just talking to myself on here.

I don't believe you've sent this ask multiple times, but if you have, I guess tumblr ate it because I don't see it in my inbox. But sure, I'll try to answer succinctly because when it comes to ships I can ramble for years (ask my best friend). I am assuming you're referring to the post I did the other week about my top 10 ships of all time, so I'll pick 3 of those to explain.

So first up, Adachi and Kurosawa from Cherry Magic. They are so refreshing. I don't know how to explain it. First of all, I appreciate the gentle kindness of Kurosawa as the pursuer/top which I feel like is something you don't see often in BL. There's always the looming threat of noncon/dubcon which is nowhere to be found in Cherry Magic thankfully. His love for Adachi starts off much like a schoolgirl crush, and quickly morphs into an adoration and admiration of Adachi as a person as they get to know each other better. It's interesting to watch how Adachi's feelings develop for Kurosawa as well. He thinks carefully about what Kurosawa means to him, and in what ways he wants to be with him. He's considerate of Kurosawa's feelings even before the love is mutual. Their love for each other is very pure, sweet, and wholesome, and the slowburn from coworkers to friends to lovers is just perfect. They definitely give me a toothache, and their relationship is something that I would like for myself. I also hope to write a love story as good as theirs someday. I could go on but I'll spare thee. Next is Kotetsu and Barnaby from Tiger & Bunny. Now, I know they are not canon, but they are as close to canon as a couple can get without being canon, if you know what I mean. Their relationship starts off spiky, but their growth as people because of the development of their relationship is one of my favorite things about them. They become better people because of each other, especially Barnaby. They teach each other a lot, learn to work together and care about each other, even during the times when Barnaby is resistant to this change in him. Barnaby's attitude eventually changes from snooty, prickly, and isolated to soft and trusting of Kotetsu. They don't only maintain a good relationship for work reasons, but outside of that obligation too, working on their friendship and truly becoming family (in season 2 you can literally see a photo of Kotetsu, Barnaby, and Kaede together in one of their apartments', I forget whose, but my gut is telling me Barnaby's). The scenes in season 2 when Kotetsu just wanted to go out for a drink with Barnaby but some shit kept coming up so they couldn't. And the episode when Kotetsu wanted to do something nice for Barnaby's birthday. Kotetsu's determination to get along with him just makes my heart ache, I dunno. And whenever the other's life or health is in even the slightest of danger, they launch into panicking worry mode for each other. Also I can't overlook the occasional flirting. It just genuinely feels like watching two people interact that don't realize they're in love with each other.

Last lemme talk about Ryuji and Akira from Persona 5 because I never get to talk about my feelings for them. Now I know there is another more popular BL couple in P5 that shan't be named here, but let me explain why I prefer AkiRyu. I like the premise that Akira and Ryuji's relationship starts on and is built up from; an almost immediate acceptance of each other and the ability to relate and empathize with one another's circumstances. Ryuji had become an outcast after the incident with Kamoshida and the track team, and Akira had become an outcast due to his criminal record, which rumors of had followed him to his new school. At the start of the story, they had nobody but each other. Ryuji took an immediate liking to Akira, and Akira also seemed to be content with Ryuji as his first friend at Shuujin. Despite having very different personalities, they had the same morals, the same sense of justice, similar problems to deal with. Now this can be said about Akira with the rest of the Phantom Thieves, yes, but I feel like Akira and Ryuji's dynamic is unique. Again he's Akira's first friend, and you can't deny this quickly escalates into Ryuji being his best friend out of all the Phantom Thieves. Ryuji often basically tells Akira this is how he feels about him as well, so it can't be denied or brushed off (although you can make Akira respond with the snarky and meaner dialogue options, the sentiment is still there. It's not in the same ways that you can be mean to Mishima or rude to Goro, for example). They have a bond that I don't feel is present with the other Phantom Thieves, after completing everyone's social links. Even the canon romance routes with the girls felt weak in comparison. I feel like AkiRyu is the prime example of the shounen-esque tendency to write two guy best friends so emotionally charged that it loops right back around to being gay by accident (see Ryuji's social link stage 9 or 10, I forget which. If you know, you know. The ramen restaurant conversation, yeah, that one. It was basically a declaration of love to me). Those are the vibes they give off to me.

I said this would be succinct but it wasn't. Thank you for your time 😭

#personal #anonymous #ask #i'm not even gonna tag this with the fandoms in case people get weird

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maeve-on-mustafar · 8 months

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hello there, you don't have to answer this but I've seen times you felt uncomfortable with how you're received in the fandom and wanted to tell you, that doesn't seem to be the case! you have...kudos is not everything ofc, but your amazing writing attracts more than enough attention in this size of a fandom, and i read all the fics in sw, trust me. If your flame isn't dead yet, I'd love to see more, your writing, your meta, anything! It's not easy, but I sincerely hope you find your peace!!

Hi anon, I know it’s been a while, but I’d really like to take this moment to thank you and everyone else who’ve sent me encouraging asks this past year. I know I haven’t responded to many of them, and that’s entirely on me, and I can only apologize.

I’ve been really struggling this past year in regard to my writing. Something I genuinely believe about fanfic is that readers do not want and do not like new ideas. I don’t say this to be an angsty tortured artist; it’s just what I honestly think after being in fandom for a while. But it’s not a helpful thought pattern for me, since I tend not to like much of the standard fanon of any fandom I’m in and sometimes find it outright irreconcilable with with the actual canon characters.

What I’ve been trying to do is concentrate on the characters I like and how I view them, and doing my best to create a story that provides my perspective in a way that’s both authentic and convincing. It’s not always easy, and I still feel down sometimes about stories I feel like are doomed to bomb from the outset. But I do my best to keep in mind that I wasn’t writing anything at all for months before now, and at least at this point, I’m getting words on the page.

Personally, I think another reason why I’ve been so reluctant is because while Star Wars has been basically the only fandom I’ve wanted to write for during the past few years, back in the spring I started to really feel the urge to write fic for DC Comics. And unfortunately, none of the characters I want to write for are members of the Batfamily, so that means that any potential audience is severely limited from the start. And I feel incredibly bad about that.

I’ve tried to tell myself that I don’t like much Batfamily fanon, so even if I wrote fic for them, people wouldn’t enjoy it all that much, but it’s cold comfort, TBH. I have fic ideas for my DC faves that I’ve daydreamed about for literal years, but there’s really no one around to listen to them or even read them if I write them. So I’ve made a deal with myself that as soon as I finish up a few Star Wars projects I’ve been working on, I’ve going to try my hand at one (1) DC fic, and if it bombs, I’ll never have to write for DC again. I know it might sound weird, given that no one is making me write for DC in the first place, but I feel better knowing that I can give up after trying once instead of subjecting myself to failed fic after failed fic, knowing I have 0.0005% of convincing anyone to read anything I write anyway. It feels good to know I don’t have to keep trying at something that will make me feel worse about myself.

So that’s about where I am right now. I’m focusing on a few Star Wars fics for the foreseeable future, and then at least one DC fic in my spare time. I’m not 100% comfortable where I am in fandom, but I’m better than I was, and I appreciate you and any others who’ve reached out these past six months or so.

#dc comics #about me #personal #my asks #answered asks

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trans-advice · 2 years

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Hi,

I was the anon who sent the ask about being jealous/a good partner. Thank you for helping. A lot of what you said really helped point out some things that I'd been missing.

I feel superficial needed (what I am seeing it as) social validation. I keep asking myself "Why do I need it to feel better about myself?" But I guess the answer to that is "because I do."

So, social transitioning is probably the most difficult. My partner knows I had entertained it and was supportive, but I've kinda walked back into the closet because it's easier this way.

I work in the social work field and sadly, a lot of my clients aren't well. I'm not going to be able to be out, be addressed as a man, seen as a man, etc...

So, I can't ask my coworkers to use the right pronouns because it can/ will confuse my clients and make me come out essentially every time I meet some one, but it will also put me at genuine risk of harm.

This is just a long round about way of asking: how do I come out and transition socially? Like...my partner is coming out. I don't want to take that away from them.

I feel like I'd be proposing to someone during their wedding, essentially.

And I almost feel like I don't really have anyone who would be as loudly or excitedly supportive of it. Almost like lack-luster responses. And really, that's not a bad thing since it like normalizes coming out and all that.

Idk I'm just talking out loud at this point I think.

Thanks for listening!

-Corn boy

So the basic thing here is that transition is separate from coming out. They often go together, but still they're separate. (Also fair enough on the normalization of coming out.)

I also give a little history lesson. So I went to an lgbt+ youth summit way back in the day & that's where I was introduced to the custom of stating preferred pronouns. the reason we called it "preferred" was because it was more affirming of experimentation, of genderfluidity, of recognizing that we are in the closet in some places & out/disclosed in other places. Not only did we not have to recognize universality, and not only did it technically encourage us to keep asking in different settings, but it also emphasized that just because we knew someone's preferred pronouns at the summit doesn't mean we can be using those outside of safe spaces, because that would be outing someone without their consent & endanger them.

Also to be blunt: I don't know enough about social work careers to get into your situation's nitty-gritty.

To summarize the rest of this: Look up managing your work-life balance, talk with your partner about how to manage the timing of your things, transitioning before coming out involves stuff like getting gender affirmative things in private, and when you're doing the coming out part start in new spaces where you're like new (though your mileage will vary since I do not know your clients' situations & how much privacy you lack).

Based on what you've said, I gather you don't trust your co-workers to understand this nuance. You have both the right to be closeted & the right to be out. You understand the scope of the risks of harm you face. Work-life balance is a struggle for a lot of people, and I hope that if you research on how to manage that, that you'll get some ideas on how to do that yourself.

Another gist with your thing would be I think you need to talk with your partner. I say this not only because you want him to transition first & then you do more so, but because with the case of coming out, that's something that's never really quite done because we keep meeting new people etc in our lives. So yeah, you want to respect his boundaries, but you need to talk with him about respecting it since technically it is the his coming out & the timing of yours that you're worried about.

As for social transitioning, before coming out I'd start with private online accounts that affirm your personal pronouns & titles. I would then maybe get some offline pride/affirming photos put together to have in your home, either in photoframes or photo albums where people from your work-life won't see. (I phrase it this way since there are cases were people work from home or do video conferencing calls.) Honestly, various positivity content can help with this part. I would also recommend doing voice therapy/vocal practice to make your voice sound as masculine as you want, especially since you can do this in private.

Then for the social transitioning coming out part, getting into new spaces where you can be like disclosed as yourself would be the gist. While yeah, lgbt+ affirming is important for safety, we could be talking about various types of meetups or events or classes etc. Like if you're doing virtual meetings over zoom, perhaps you could use an email account with like a gender-affirming pseudonym so that when you enter zoom spaces your legal name isn't being displayed first thing. And maybe you use like a cartoon icon, maybe pride art, maybe a picrew avatar instead of a photo. Then, if your safety is increased, you can start turning on your video camera. With zoom however, you'd probably be expected to speak with your voice, but depending on how mellow the people are, you might be able to just type & use reactions.

Part of the reason why I emphasize virtual options is because we are still in the middle of a pandemic & in USA we're heading into cold & flu season. You're in social work so I hope you understand various safety protocols. (For example, being outdoors tends to be better in terms of air circulation.) That being said, maybe this part of your social transition could be as simple as going to a restaurant or carry out place & putting the order under as an affirmative name, or getting dressed up as masc as your comfortable with. That being said, I don't know how much of these parts would require the sorts of makeover tasks like your partner is doing right now.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

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escapism-philophobiaofmine · 2 years

Text

Reasons not to go back

Don't forget about the HURT they have caused you

even after you have told them... revealed to them about your scar but they still do the EXACT same thing. i told him how my sis kinda traumatised me because there was this period of time i called her urgently but SHE NEVER PICKED UP and that honestly left a bad taste

To be honest... i guess i am too much too for bringing up "accountability" concept and enforcing it on him so early on. oh well

I have already told him at least twice about NOT going missing for hours. once was before we were exclusive and i said it's nice if he can just say beforehand if he is gonna go MIA.... Not nice to leave someone dangling amirite.

Which actually he subsequently DID tell me once when he was out with his friends... like he will reply later. that's cool.

subsequently he also told me in advance his plans which i genuinely appreciated because i honestly don't work well with uncertainty.

then came that one faithful SUNDAY where he just almost didn't reply the whole evening to night which SENT ME INTO SPIRAL & it caused me to go batshit crazy and insecure.

that one instance scarred me for good though. because afterwards i sorta started holding some resentment / grudge and just feel like i can't trust him the same to be THERE for me. he doesn't give me that sense of security i needed.

it's like how many times do you want me to repeat myself? why can't he be consistent? am i really asking for too much?

whenever i had my activation/ triggers aka i thought it was PMS (maybe partially PMS), we were discussing things HALF-WAY but he just went to sleep.... when we haven't even reach a conclusion. really makes me feel VERY spiteful. it's one thing to stick to his routine/ to be tired from work and not having to revolve around me and that he is living for himself. it all boils down to emotional maturity. effective communication. at least give a heads-up? if you don't say, you only leave room for people to assume and overthink. you just leave people hanging half-way which isn't nice? i know it's my onus to manage my emotions and i am responsible for how i feel but still i think it is basic courtesy/manners to inform someone...

okay to be fair during the first two times he did try to be THERE.

he asked me if i wanted to meet up to talk but i deactivated and just shut down completely. not replying at all.

but afterwards during the next "PMS" trigger, he just didn't bother to update me he is going to sleep. he just left the convo hanging very well knowing we haven't finished discussing WHICH I HATED.

the next incident was the cold shoulder one. didn't even say GM GN and tell me he has gone to sleep. simply went to sleep without breathing a single word... i think it is quite rude... it gives off the impression i don't matter at all...

just MIA for the whole night , next morning and even lalmost the whole EVENING.

didn't even want to be mature about it and tell me he needed space to think.... it's as simple as just mentioning.... not even asking for essay from him.

i bet that was the time he already felt we are incompatible and that stonewalling incident made him reconsider and lost his feelings/ aka chase/ new relationship energy / sparks. because i was no longer as ideal/ perfect. the novelty wore off. it became too high maintenance/ ses for him to keep up. it became too difficult to keep this connection going. i wasn't as easy going and was smothering and suffocating him. he no longer felt happy. there are too many conflicts ongoing.

-> how many times do i have to repeat my hurt?

THEN

2. came the unofficial ending of things from the asking of meet-up frequency. in which i had to FOLLOW UP with him myself because he didn't bother giving me an official/ direct answer...

3. him taking ANOTHER ONE WHOLE WEEK to reply to my closure message....

hurt people hurt people.

FACTS ONLY.

all these intentional ignoring. not communicating, blocking me out.... not viewing my IGS even....

emotional damage is irreversible and has been done.

me stone walling, protest behaviour, passive aggressiveness. basically all sorts of toxic behaviours surfaced when I am triggered and in the situation itself. all these realisations wouldn't have dawned on me if i didn't step out of it and take a step back to re-evaluate.

4. him LOSING feelings

this is legit heart wrenching to the core... in a way it's on him not me but it still makes me feel shitty i can't keep someone interested.

5. him being UNSURE ABOUT US in the long term. not sure what to think about us in the long term when i was willing to choose him and accept him as he is.

6. me having to make excuses for him. his behaviours…. him not wanting to go out of his way to send me home even when we only meet once a week... he always asks if i want him to do something. but some things don't require consent. it'd be better a statement. if he wanted to he would lah. he ask if i want him to i would defo say no right...

7. don’t forget the feeling he made you feel when he didn't bother to coax you on that faithful sat

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runnyeggsnham · 3 years

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"I hope you see this Anon"

D'aww thanks for thinking of me! I have read the article and yeah, it confirms the notion that there may be factions within the writing and production teams on how to tell the story, but no one agreed on what was best for the characters. It was like they were balancing "throwing a bone" at the queer community against making sure homophobic fans aren't put off by providing a pseudo-heterosexual love interest. A character, by the way, whose real plot function is to set up the multiverse and positioning Loki as a would-be hero. The problem, and I've learned this myself as a writer, is that the audience can tell when the artist is being genuine in their motivations or not.

Ironically, the way they set-up Sylvie cannot help but be compared with the way they set-up Mobius. They almost have more plausible deniability about the Mobius and Loki subtext if Sylvie hadn't been written as a counterpoint. And that highlights another problem: I had trouble connecting with Sylvie even though I wanted to like her. There was something about her character that felt either incomplete or unknowable, and that emotional distance is apparent in her interactions with Loki. It also doesn't help that the actors were directed to be like "teenagers inexperienced with love". That may be cute with teenagers, but in adults it looks super awkward. Not to say that these characters don't have challenges with love and trust, but the portrayal off those challenges simply felt "off".

Meanwhile, Mobius is set-up as the character who trusts Loki, wants to help, offers an opportunity to do something different, asks for help finding the Varient, and actually listens to what Loki has to say. He's definitely not perfect (i.e. his jealousy blow-up and nut-kicking punishment. Which honestly, I think was played for slapstick comedy as well as an emotional moment for the audience, and is not supposed to be perceived as full-blown torture as some fans believe).

It's kind of hilarious, but I think they created a love triangle without actually MEANING to.

No problem! 😄

Yeah, the production was all over the shop. And it's so weird how much of a circus the marketing campaign has been. Like, it feels like each group was told a different thing while they worked and now that it's aired, a memo was sent out to get everyone aligned? Because everyone was saying their own thing lol. Like not that they were all given a different story at the time, but that each group was given a different angle they were told to focus on...or some were like half-finished mission statements, which is the vibe I get from Holt's answers lol (like the quote about her doing the nexus event soundtrack more subtle first, but it didn't work, so she had to change it? Did no one tell her from the rip it was supposed to be a sweeping romantic moment?)

"Ironically, the way they set-up Sylvie cannot help but be compared with the way they set-up Mobius. They almost have more plausible deniability about the Mobius and Loki subtext if Sylvie hadn't been written as a counterpoint." Exactly! Excellent point! Mobius is the one introduced first and that has these types of moments with Loki first, so they really had to differentiate Sylvie right away with something more, a greater connection factor, to really emphasize why this one is romantic and the other is not. But...what is that, then? The nexus event?

Everything about that moment is undercut immediately by them bonding over what makes a Loki and Loki, which is a terrible time to remind the audience of their variant connection, and then within 10 minutes we get Mobius, our warm and calm and level character absolutely pained and freaking over the "narcissism" of it all...after making Loki pseudo-breakdown in the time loop room and come to that narcissistic conclusion himself? Like, okay, the writers can say it wasn't jealousy-motivated, but I'm sorry, you can't have Loki frame his narcissism as a bad thing...and then expect the audience not to agree with Mobius when he's using that same framing device to accost Loki for this romantic connection a few minutes later. Did the writers really not see what they were doing there, making that angle of a connection with Sylvie look like a regression for Loki's character? The heck??

And then Mobius gets specifically inserted into Loki and Sylvie's dynamic, so it's impossible to not compare the subtext of both when he's the one bringing Loki and Sylvie's dynamic for the audience from the subtext into the explicit text! And that's the problem, isn't it? One cannot look at Loki's growth - look at the choices Loki makes, the way he thinks and the points he fixates on, the clothes he's still wearing - by the time he meets Sylvie, compare that to how he started the show, and not consider the role Mobius played in that change.

Plus, Sylvie doesn't stop being presented as a counterpoint once she and Loki meet. The writers just keep doing it: Loki gets a chance to react to losing both of them, he gets a chance to feel betrayed by both of them, he gets similar conversations wherein he reflects on his growth with both of them, where he genuinely promises trust, and on and on. And the writers insert Mobius as the enabler or precursor of feelings discussions, twice; arguably the discussions that make Loki and Sylvie respectively think of each other in such a context. That's wild. And we the audience are not supposed to compare?

"It's kind of hilarious, but I think they created a love triangle without actually MEANING to." They did and it is hilarious! I actually find it hysterical. I'm just along for the ride, Anon, I have no expectations of canon anything personally, so just...to look at all the tropes they accidentally included? Pfft! Insane. Also, even the physical touches become prominent on rewatch to me, because Sylvie initiates all the ones with Loki (Lamentis twice, Void, Citadel) that get the camera's zoomed-in attention, but the ones that get that extra attention from the camera with Mobius are either Loki-initiated (tie) or offered by Mobius but left for Loki to make the decision (Pilot, Void).

"There was something about her character that felt either incomplete or unknowable, and that emotional distance is apparent in her interactions with Loki." Agreed, big time. Another reason I got to the finale and like I said last reply I think, I got this sinking feeling like 'oh, she's gonna be tragic and alone, isn't she?' The writers kept her too mysterious imo. She's sympathetic, but we ultimately know too little about her. And when she has opportunities to really open up to Loki, she doesn't. Which makes the romance feel all the more forced, to me, because if the writers are just going to create and use her for plot function at the end of the day, why not leave the romance up to interpretation or lean into a siblings thing so for the first time, completely unprovoked, Loki is the one in a sibling-type relationship to be betrayed? There's still love there. There's still heart-shattering pain for him to process. "...but in adults it looks super awkward." It really, really, really does. That "teenagers inexperienced with love" quote is...yeah.

"I think was played for slapstick comedy as well as an emotional moment for the audience, and is not supposed to be perceived as full-blown torture as some fans believe." I think you're right, Anon! Because we see Sif again too and get a mythological reference, and those bits are fun. It also reads imo like one of the few times Loki would've gotten...punished? For his mischief. So of all the memories Mobius could choose, he finds a rare instance of Loki not being protected by Thor or Frigga on Asgard for an act of mischief. And it's mischief on Loki's part, not malice or any of his truly bad wrongdoings, nothing of his torturous lost year before New York, etc. I really don't think Mobius considered what Sif said in that incident, because of how he reacted later. He's human. He's allowed to make a mistake. And Loki forgave him, to which Mobius immediately after essentially sacrificed his life for Loki, so. Really don't get that torture perspective of some. 😕

#lokius #wowki #//#////#(has anyone done a gif set of Loki indignant about losing his Asgardian leather and then how he proceeds #to love the jacket Mobius gave him and roll around in his TVA uniform long after he could change it... or....?#because if not...I am Tempted.#or if anyone else does it please tag me!!#🤗#I just think it's Neat.)#anonymous #tv #commentary #answer #p;spark

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ask-the-crimson-king · 3 years

Text

More Stuff from Betrayer

[While on the topic, I want to show the various humans out there a very interesting scene out of Betrayer.

Two, technically, but one that's a bit longer than the other. Image IDs will be provided at the end of the post, cause there's going to be a LOT.

Some interesting insights into how Lorgar views Chaos and a bit about the Emperor as well. I always find this scene to be fascinating, especially since he's borrowed the astropathic choir of the Conquerer to listen to worlds dying across Ultramar while he muses on this.

And then there's when Angron walks up.

Some interesting, albeit a bit morbid, banter between brothers. I do like how Angron even greets Lorgar on the way in, and Lorgar is just standing there stunned. The insights into how Angron views the Devourers is also neat, and it is to be expected at this point. Lorgar trying to argue for them and trying to get Angron to stop ignoring them outright is another neat touch.

The two begin talking of Ultramar, and Lorgar reveals that Nuceria is going to be the capstone for his ritual. Angron asks why, and the following is said:

I like this passage for a few reasons. Firstly, how Angron "dreams" has always been something of interest to me. Because I doubt he ever really gets much rest and respite. Here we get some insight into this, although this also was already expressed a bit earlier. This passage also leads into Angron's recollection of the Night of the Wolf, but I wanted to focus on this.

Lorgar and Angron's "bond" is something that's always intrigued me. It definitely feels more one-sided, with Lorgar seeking for brotherhood that isn't really there, but there are a few moments to make it feel a bit more genuine. However, there is still something missing from these interactions. I can't really describe it other than a barrier between two primarchs who will never see eye-to-eye. Lorgar does, to his credit, try to be understanding and patient throughout, but I can also definitely feel his annoyance coming through at certain places.

In a way, I can almost feel a similar sort of vibe to how Magnus interacts with some of his brothers. Namely with Perturabo in one of the opening chapters of his primarch novel. However, the bond between those two is still very different from the one Angron has with Lorgar; those two actually do have a deep connection, while these two don't. There's a misunderstanding and underestimation coming from both sides in certain aspects; Lorgar in almost sounding condescending to Angron, and Angron still thinking Lorgar a weakling.

TL;DR, Betrayer good.

Image IDs below the cut:

Image ID 1 & 2: A scene from Betrayer where Lorgar is standing and listening to worlds burn. It reads:

Serving as conductor for an astrological orchestra was more taxing than he’d dreamed, though his blunter, more militant brothers would struggle to grasp the finer points of his efforts. Exhaustion left him wondering, even if only briefly, whether absolute peace would create a stellar song as divinely inspired as absolute war. Fate had played its hand and Chaos was destined to swallow all creation whether or not Horus and Lorgar raged against the Imperial war machine, but if what if they’d stayed loyal to the Emperor? What then? Would the Great Crusade have shaped a serene funeral dirge, to play behind the veil as humanity died in a defenceless harrowing?

Therein lay the fatal flaw. The Emperor’s way was compliance, not peace. The two were as repellent to one another as opposing lodestones. It didn’t matter what enlightenment the Imperium stamped out in its conquering crusade when obedience was all its lords desired. It didn’t matter what wars were fought from now into eternity. The Legiones Astartes would always march, for they were born to do so. There would always be war; even if the Great Crusade had been allowed to reach the galaxy’s every edge, there would never be peace. Discontent would seethe. Populations would rebel. Worlds would rise up. Human nature eventually sent men and women questing for the truth, and tyrants always fell to the truth.

No peace. Only war.

Lorgar felt his blood run cold. Only war. Those were words to echo into eternity.

He didn’t trust the Ten Thousand Futures the way Erebus claimed to. Too many possibilities forked from every decision made by every living thing. What use was prophecy when all it offered was what might happen? Lorgar was not so devoid of imagination that he needed the warp’s twisting guesswork to show him that. Anyone with an iota of vision could imagine what might happen. Genius lay in engineering events according to one’s own goals, not in blindly heeding the laughter of mad gods.

More than that, Lorgar sought to keep one thing in mind above all else. The gods were powerful, without doubt, but they were fickle beings. Each worked against its own kin more often than not, spilling conflicting prophecies into their prophets’ minds. Perhaps they weren’t even sentient in the way a mortal mind could encompass. They seemed as much the manifestations of primal emotion as they did individual essences.

But no, there was a wide gulf between hearing them and heeding them. Gods lied, just like men. Gods deceived and clashed and sought to advance their own dominions over their rivals’. Lorgar trusted none of their prophecies.

Image ID 3-5: A series of screenshots from Betrayer. Angron comes into the scene. It reads:

Angron entered the basilica, armoured in his usual stylised bronze and ceramite and with two oversized chainswords strapped to his back. He even wasted time with a greeting, raising his hand in the first time Lorgar could ever remember such a gesture from his broken brother. The Word Bearer tried not to let his amazement show at his brother’s new consideration.

‘Lotara says you stole her astropathic choir.’ Angron’s lipless smile was a ghastly thing indeed. ‘I see that she may have been correct.’

‘Stole is a strong word. “Appropriated” seems much less ignoble.’ Lorgar spared a glance for the skies above the cathedral, as the Lex ripped onwards towards Nuceria.

‘What do you need them for?’ Angron asked. His wounds from being buried alive had already faded to scrunched scar tissue pebbling his flesh, just another host of scarring to overlay the last.

The Devourers lurked behind him, stomping into the cathedral without the primarch sparing them a glance. To be one of Angron’s bodyguards was no honour, despite how fiercely the World Eaters’ champions had fought for it in the first, optimistic years. Angron ignored them no matter where they went, never once fighting alongside them in battle. In their Terminator plate, they’d never managed to keep up with their liege lord, and they were as prone to losing control as any other World Eater, meaning any hope of them fighting as an organised pack was a forlorn one at best.

Lorgar watched the Devourers – those warriors who’d spent a century learning to swallow their pride and pretend they weren’t ignored – speaking amongst themselves at the basilica’s entrance.

‘Hail,’ he greeted them. They seemed uneasy at being addressed, offering hesitant and wordless bows.

Angron snorted at his brother acknowledging them. ‘Bodyguards,’ he said. ‘Even their name annoys me. “Devourers”, as if I’d named them myself – as if they were the Legion’s finest.’

‘Their intentions are pure,’ Lorgar pointed out. ‘They seek to honour you. It’s not their fault you leave them behind in every battle.’

‘They’re not even the Legion’s fiercest fighters, any more. That rogue Delvarus refuses to challenge for a place in their ranks. Khârn laughed when I asked him if he’d ever considered it. And do you know Bloodspitter?’

‘I know Bloodspitter,’ Lorgar replied. Everyone knew Bloodspitter.

‘He beat one of them in the pits, and carved his name into the poor bastard’s armour with a combat knife.’

Lorgar forced a smile. ‘Yes. Delightful.’

Angron’s face wrenched again, at the mercy of misfiring muscles. ‘What primarch ever needed guarding by lesser men?’

‘Ferrus,’ Lorgar said softly. ‘Vulkan.’

Angron laughed, the sound rich and true, yet harsh as a bitter wind. ‘It’s good to hear you joke about those weaklings. I was getting bored of you mourning them.’

It was no joke, but Lorgar had no desire to shatter his brother’s fragile good humour. ‘I only mourn the dead,’ Lorgar conceded. ‘I don’t mourn Vulkan.’

‘He’s as good as dead.’ The World Eater smiled again. ‘I’m sure he wishes he were. Now, what are you doing with Lotara’s choir?’

‘Listening to them sing of other worlds and other wars.’

Angron stared, unimpressed. ‘Specifics,’ he said, ‘while I have the patience to hear such details.’

‘Just listen,’ Lorgar replied.

Angron did as he was bid. After a minute or more had passed, he nodded once. ‘You’re listening to the Five Hundred Worlds burning.’

‘Something like that. These are the voices of the freshly dead, and those soon to join them. The mortis-moments of random souls, elsewhere in Ultramar, as our fleets ravage their worlds.’

‘Morbid, priest. Even for you.’

‘We’re inflicting this destruction on them. We mustn’t consider ourselves distant from it. It may not be our hands holding the bolters and blades, but we are still the architects of this annihilation. It’s our place to listen to it, to remember the martyred dead, and to meditate on all we’ve wrought.’

‘I wish you well with it,’ said Angron. ‘But why steal Lotara’s choir? What happened to yours?’

‘They died.’

It was Angron’s turn to be surprised. ‘How did they die?’

‘Screaming.’ Lorgar showed no emotion at all. ‘What brings you here, brother?’

Image ID 6 & 7: Two screenshots from later in the previous scene, when Angron asks 'Why Nuceria?'. It reads:

‘The metaphysics are complicated,’ said Lorgar.

That had Angron growling. ‘I may not have wasted days in debate with you and Magnus inside our father’s Palace, but the Nails haven’t left me an absolute fool. I asked the question, Lorgar. You answer it. And do so without lying, if you can manage such a feat.’

The Word Bearer met his brother’s eyes, and the rarely-seen palette of emotions within their depths. Pain was there in abundance, but so was the frustration of living with a misfiring mind, and the savagery that transcended anger itself. Angron was a creature that had come to make his hatred a blade to be used in battle. He’d weaponised his own emotions, where most living beings were slaves to theirs. Lorgar couldn’t help but admire the strength in that.

‘We’re going to Nuceria,’ he said, ‘because of you. Because of the Nails.’

Angron stared, and his silence beckoned for his brother to continue.

‘They’re killing you,’ Lorgar admitted. ‘Faster than I thought. Faster than anyone realised. The rate of degeneration has accelerated even in the last few months. Your implants were never designed for a primarch’s brain matter. Your physiology is trying to heal the damage as the Nails bite deeper, but it’s a game of pushing and pulling, with both sides evenly matched.’

Angron took this with an impassive shrug. ‘Guesswork.’

‘I can see souls and hear the music of creation,’ Lorgar smiled. ‘In comparison, this is nothing. The Twelfth Legion’s archives are comprehensive enough, you know. Your behaviour tells the rest of the tale, along with the pain I sense radiating from you each and every time we meet. Your entire brain is remapped and rewired, slaved to the implants’ impulses. Tell me, when was the last time you dreamed?’

‘I don’t dream.’ The answer was immediate, almost fiercely fast. ‘I’ve never dreamed.’

Lorgar’s gentle eyes caught the warp’s kaleidoscopic light as he tilted his head. ‘Now you’re lying, brother.’

‘It’s no lie.’ Angron’s thick fingers twitched and curled, closing around the ghosts of weapons. ‘The Nails scarcely let me sleep. How would I dream?’

Lorgar didn’t miss the rising tension in his brother’s body language – the veins in his temples rising from scarred skin, the feral hunch of the shoulders, no different from a hunting cat drawing into a crouch before it struck.

‘You once told me the Nails stole your slumber,’ Lorgar conceded, ‘but you also said they let you dream.’

Angron took a step closer. He started to say ‘I meant…’ but Lorgar’s earthy glare stopped him cold.

‘They give you a serenity and peace you can find nowhere else. Humans, legionaries, primarchs… everything alive must sleep, must rest, must allow its brain a period of respite. The remapping of your mind denies you this. You don’t dream with your eyes closed. You dream with your eyes open, chasing the rush of whatever peace the Nails can give you.’ Lorgar met Angron’s eyes again. ‘Don’t insult us both by denying it. You slaver and murmur when you kill, mumbling about chasing serenity and how close it feels. I’ve heard you. I’ve looked into your heart and soul when you’re lost to the Nails. Your sons, with their crude copies of your implants, have their minds rewritten to feel joy only in adrenaline’s kiss. Those lesser implants cause pain because they scrape the nerves raw, thus your World Eaters kill because it gladdens their reforged hearts, and ceases the pain knifing into their muscles. Your Butcher’s Nails are a more sinister and predatory design, ruining all cognition, stealing any peace. They are killing you, gladiator. And you ask why I’m taking you back to Nuceria? Is it not obvious?’

End Image ID.]

#warhammer 30k #word bearers #world eaters #lorgar #angron #enjoy some betrayer folks #long post

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ihatebnha · 3 years

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Why even bother saying you’re going to do an event if you’re not even going to do it. 😑

(warnings: long crybaby ass sob story rant that i'm not putting a read more on bc fuck you, mental health and eating disorder mentioned, vomiting, whatever.

Honestly just don't read this lol but I needed to get it out)

Lol, I’m assuming this was sent to start a fight more than it was to genuinely ask the question… but since I don’t fight, I’m just going to take it in stride and answer to the best of my ability, especially because I was honestly kinda waiting for someone to ask, my followers deserve an explanation, and I have been wondering this myself, too.

The real reason why I “bothered to say I was doing an event” is because… I thought that I would have the ability to do one.

Was that foolish? I’m not sure. I think it’s definitely safe to say (and these are my own words)… maybe I wasn’t prepared enough, I went into it a little bit too hastily, and I should’ve… not extended it or something? Idk.

But at the same time… there’s also a lot of factors in my life and being that made it so that I really just wanted say fuck it and finally do it once and for all… as well as trust in my ability to pull it off.

I’m not sure how well known this is, but I’ve actually wanted to do an event since maybe… March? and I finally just got to the point where I realized… if I didn’t do it now, I would never end up doing it.

Not that I’m really asking for your pity (I’m of the belief that you guys don't owe me anything)… but just for context, I have an extremely hard time hanging out with people in person, have been suffering with writer's block for the past couple months... and have a hard time talking about my personal life if not asked.

In about three weeks, I’m moving to a large city, the week after that, I start school again… and this entire month has been taken up with first my birthday, my grandma’s birthday, my mom going away for three weeks, SUMMER SCHOOL AND MY JOB (which includes physical labor and takes up four days a week not including homework), and then having to spend every single other free moment with people who are either 1. trying to celebrate my birthday belatedly, or 2. “taking care” of me while my mom is away.

(I have not spent a single night by myself in over three weeks. I have genuinely been crying myself to sleep every night the past few days because I haven’t been left alone for so long, and I’m honestly starting to cry thinking about it now, too).

So all truth be told… if I really waited for a good opportunity to do an event… I would have to wait forever, and I didn’t want to miss the opportunity entirely when I genuinely thought I’d muster up my skills.

That’s not to say… I wasn’t also putting it off because I was scared (and rightfully so, as we know now LOOOOL)… but a lot of that was pushed aside because sometimes (and this sounds bad but, it's my philosophy and was also the case when I started this blog, actually)… I can force myself to do something and then learn to enjoy it, and I THOUGHT THAT WOULD HAPPEN FOR THIS, TOO.

Honestly, I still think it will. I’m just not recovering from being emotionally tortured by people these past couple weeks as fast as I wanted to.

Also, another factor is also that I’m mentally ill! Surprise!

Just kidding, it wasn’t a secret… even if I do try really hard to keep it private and have never mentioned most of it on my blog.

But yea, my mental health is awful right now, lol; depression, anxiety (which fine, who doesn’t have those?)… but I also suffer from an eating disorder that’s been flaring up due to how many people I’ve been forced to hang out with and be around.

AGAIN, not to garner your tears, but I have since picked up vomiting again, something I haven’t done in MONTHS… and to make it all worse, I have to deal with this all by myself, around multiple family members who don’t respect my space, my time, my comfort, possessions, cats, routine, authority, age, privacy… you name it.

Honestly though, that’s not even important to me… I really do feel terrible that I haven’t been able to pull my event the way I imagined it, and I am honestly consumed by guilt every waking second…

(I might as well be Catholic, smh)

BUT, at the same time. I don’t really blame myself. I honestly think what would be more annoying than someone NOT doing their event is someone who consistently apologizes and STILL doesn’t do their event.

I want to write. I want to write so badly that I stay up late every night waiting for the inspiration to come to me… that I write responses to every single ask I get, but never end up finishing a lot of them due to guilt and the belief that you deserve my best.

And the truth is… I will write. I will answer the event asks that I’ve gotten… I’ve started drafts for so many of them so far. It just might not be quick, and it might not be celebratory. But it will happen, and that’s what important to me.

When I made the decision to do so, I thought extending my event would make up for my… guilt, bad luck, and my extremely slow pace. I thought it would make things easier and me happier. It didn’t, and I realize that now. And it’s okay. The people who really matter to me and this blog, the ones who are kind and really do deserve my best, will understand.

I can only be myself, and the person I am takes her time and accepts things, even if my event (let’s be real) SUCKS LOL!!!!

I have a lot of sympathy for readers. I would truly be nothing without you and the rest of my followers, and I’m so grateful for the attention I’ve gotten over these last…. 8 months? 9?

But at the same time… I forgive myself for doing a bad job, and you should too.

So yeah. I said I would do an event because I am doing an event. It’s just a shitty one that I’ll worry about more when I feel a little bit better.

Thank you for the opportunity to rant, lol... hopefully it all made sense. I honestly feel a lot lighter now🖤

#just bc i needed to address the elephant in the room #i had more to say in the tags but i think i just need to leave and go cry for a bit now #lol <3 #anon is rude and on the naughty list but asked a valid question #so i'll be okay #ask #anon #caitie chats #long post #eating disorder tw #mental health tw #emetophobia tw #caitie thoughts

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honeyymistt · 3 years

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[1/2] hey, okay, it's me again. i feel like i'm treating you like an unpaid therapist but idk where to share this and how to get help (this is kinda lengthy, and i do apologise for that)

i think i'm running out of patience for myself on how to live with myself; all my favourite artists and fictional characters experience this same hollow loneliness but they just— keep going..... despite it all. i'm trying to keep busy with studying but that quickly led to an all-nighter and now i can't fall asleep despite my exhaustion. i think the goals i've had in mind for myself are too high, so i'm just going to spend the next week reading without shame or guilt and try to finally start learning russian. i don't really take care of my physical fitness bc i'm always tired and i feel like all my energy is spent on keeping in check with eating and taking care of my physical hygiene. i have so much time each day and yet at the end of the day i still feel like i did nothing even though i read and studied a lot. i just feel like i'm stagnated, still in my 16-year-old teenage mind bc i spent my youth numbing myself bc i couldn't stand my own thoughts. i havent talked to anyone really, besides my famil, in weeks, and i know loneliness is a common feeling most of us carry with us, but since i'm not very smart and don't know about a lot of things that matter, like history and art, i just feel so inadequate because all these people i look up to, and secretly aspire to be, are fundamentally different from me. they have rich inner lives even in times of despair, they know how to build their own lives in the rubble and just keep on going despite it all. i just feel like a shell of a human being (dramatic i know). i'm also aware that i'm highly privileged and don't have to worry about money and housing, etc. and i'm grateful for that but despite that I just hate myself and I wish I could be someone else and change; I've tried to over the past years but i never make any actual changes in my life? I don't want to die per se, I just don't want to keep on living like this.

[2/2] also, with the looming climate desaster and our world being ruled by capitalism i know a lot of worries and problems stem from that;;;; also i've had this very embarrassing conversation with my family a month ago; i was very drunk and ofc started talking about capitalism, etc. and lgbtq rights. they're very conservative, smart and well-read and i'm just the complete opposite— my point being, bc i feel so desperately lonely i'm trying to have these conversations with the people around me that are obviously only really meant to be had with close pals and not with 60 year olds who only care about the bootstrap theory etc. anyway my grandmother called me out on my bs and said "so what have you done in your life so far?" nothing. i shouldn't complain about other people, politics etc. and the patriarchal, white supremacist strucures around us bc i've never worked a day in my life...... it's just. i know she's right. but like i literally don't know how to hold conversations anymore and can never recall stuff i read accurately so i'm just talking shit the whole time. i'm so desperately trying to get their approval but i'm just not well-read and smart enough. i know being dumb is not the worst thing to be, i'm alive and living in a well-situated area, but it's the only thing i used to define myself with. my parents expected a lot of us as children and i couldn't deliver. so i pretty much forced them to stop pressuring me but i wish they did now. bc then i would be smart, worldly and have a bright future. i'm sorry for the long rambling. i also don't want to ruin your feed by my long asks...... anyway, if you have any advice i would be so glad to hear it. bc i feel like i'm going slightly insane. -💌 sorry for doing this <33 🤠 feel free to just delete this;;;

hi 💌-anon!!!

don't feel bad for sending this in. your long post is going to have a long answer and it ruining my feed is literally the last thing on my mind. if it bothers people, that's on them ;) similarly to the last ask you sent in, i kind of just pulled out a few things that you wrote and decided to give my perspective on it. i hope that reading some of my (very scrambled) thoughts will relax your mind and heart just a little bit. everything will be okay, i promise.

so the first thing that stood out to me was when you mentioned how all of your favorite fictional characters just keep on going when they feel lonely and i know how frustrating that can be because it's so glorified. they just keep going and then boom! things are better, right? i want you to remember that this is fiction and not an accurate representation of how hard the feeling of loneliness actually hits. so try not to compare yourself to your favorite character and beat yourself up if you're not dealing with loneliness as well as they did because everything in fiction is better and easier.

as for feeling exhausted because of the goals you've made for yourself, i know what you mean. i'm such a perfectionist and workaholic (i suffered from such bad burn out this year). i'm learning how to lower them as well. it's good to be ambitious. it's amazing to have big dreams and goals but you have to prepare yourself for setbacks and failure. so from now on, it's decided that you and me, are going to be accountability buddies. no more unrealistic goals and deadlines. i will hold you accountable, you will hold me accountable and we'll improve together 🤍

so you don't know about things like history and art and you claim that these are things that matter. but matter to who? are you genuinely intrigued by these things? if you are, then study it. read about it. ask questions. but if they just matter to your family, then i really don't think you need to know about these things extensively. it's always good to know things generally but if you aren't interested, then don't waste your time learning about it just to please others.

i could be completely wrong, but from what i understood from your message, you feel really lonely and you're starting to feel a bit stuck. you're surrounded by people who are different from you and that sometimes makes you feel suffocated because the conversations you want to have aren't wanted by others. the first thing i noticed in your message is that you repeatedly call yourself stupid or dumb. you need to stop that, okay? if you keep telling that to yourself, it will destroy a lot of opportunities for you. trust me, i know. you will turn down opportunities thinking that you're not smart enough for it but it's not true. you don't need to be smart to have a bright future. you can be creative, you can athletic, you can be selfless, you can be funny. maybe you just need to embrace who you are and trust that you will have a bright future by just being you. i'll tell you something: you don't need to be exactly like your family to have their success. you need a determination and a good work ethic. where do you start? stop underselling your intelligence. believe in yourself!!!

P.S i can tell that you're smart because your vocabulary is out of this world!!! and oh my god, can we talk about your punctuation? like bestie, you're ahead of the game. i also had to google what the bootstrap theory is. you are smarter than you give yourself credit for!!

another thing i would encourage you to do is to avoid "deep" conversations with your family. if your family is very conservative, there are going to be certain topics that they just won't understand and it might make you frustrated or feel misunderstood; it might make you feel more lonely. i would advise you to just stick to more lighthearted conversations with them. it's not that you don't know how to hold conversations, it's just that the people you're talking to aren't the right listeners.

my sweet 💌-anon, times like these are normal! we all feel lonely at times and i know it's tough and it's frustrating and you feel like nothing in your life is going to work out but i promise you, it will. the universe has it's way of doing that. if i could, i would give you the chance to see yourself the way i see you - full of potential, warm-hearted, and so so deserving of a good life filled with love, caring people and success. times are tough, but so are you. you haven't made it this far to only come this far!! remember that i'm here for you every step of the way and you can message me any time you need to. i will never delete it or ignore you. i love talking to you <3

#chat with honeyymistt #i’m SO sorry this took me SO LONG #but thank u for being patient #this is probably going to be the longest post i have but i literally don’t care hehe #we’ll get through this together #i love u #my new accountability buddy 🥰

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lunarkat87 · 4 years

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It's been so long since I posted to this blog. I guess I stopped when I lost touch with my best friend who was like a sister. I've been wishing I could talk to her for guidance for so long, but I had to let her go for myself. She was attempting to push a guy on me when I wasn't ready, and purely so I would have a reason to move back to our hometown. Didn't she remember how bad that place was for me? I was homeless for nearly 4 years, bouncing between places, never secure, just surviving. Every time we talked I could feel my energy depleting, but she was my best friend, so why would I leave her? She was getting married, so naturally she was focused a lot on that, and I was meant to be her maid of honor. And as the MOH, it was my job to stand up for the bride, and to get the bridal party in order. So when I saw how much they kept hurting her, and how she was more sad about her experience as a bride than happy, I stepped up to the plate. Me, the girl terrified of her own shadow on some days. But I did it, and she called me her only friend, and her other bridesmaids did not like it, so they ran to her.... and she called me a bully. It was in that moment that my heart was broken, that she could think I had bullied people into something. She was ultimately my soul mate, we were meant to be in each others lives... and suddenly I was reduced to this one word. And all the pain, all the hurt I had over the years preceding this came pouring out, how she guilt tripped me, how I needed her and she wasn't there, how just because it wasnt what she wanted to do she didn't stick to plans with me. How she blew me off time and again, and how she stopped seeing me and I always had to travel to see her. And it was done. And what broke my heart more was the relief that I felt after I sent her an email. I loved her, so why would I be relieved? But as I write this today, I wish I could talk to her. Because she was and has always only ever been, the person that understood me. Who understood my heart, my mind, my emotions. Who helped me heal from my ex-fiancé that cheated on me. On the days I felt like giving up, and not being able to see through the blinding pain she was there to support me. She sent me quotes, she texted me every day, she made sure I was okay. And she always knew deep down I wasn't, and she was okay with that. She didn't expect or need me to be. And I wish I could have her now, because as I write this that fragile heart that I had finally fixed, has broken and shattered all over again.

You see, I met a guy. It had been 2 years, and I was ready to open myself to the idea of love again, especially because I realized I did not love my ex anymore, nor had I for a long time. I had tried dating in between those years, but it never felt right, or like I was ready. But after spending time on my own and feeling empowered, I downloaded a dating app. But it wasn't long before I began to dislike it, I don't like judging based off of pictures, and only a few words. I was feeling discouraged, maybe I wasn't ready... but then the app pinged for someone they thought I might like. I saw him and thought, wow he is handsome, he has a smile that I could melt from, and.... was that a racoon on his head?? I had to know, and so I hoped he would respond. And there began my downfall, because he did.

We spent an entire week texting, and I found myself eager and smiling at my phone. I was actually excited, and couldn't wait to meet him in person. We even came up with nicknames... he was Cinna-Ron because he asked me if I thought he was as sweet as a cinnamon roll... and he was, but even more so. My heart pounded as I waited to meet at the boba shop where he would pick me up for our date. And when he finally arrived, he was even more amazing in person. And he brought me burgundy colored carnations, it was that moment I knew I'd love those flowers forever. He opened my door for me and was a true gentleman, and when he leaned in to kiss me, I felt the world slow and my heart stop. All I could think was "wow~" we spent the whole night together, talking and kissing and flirting and I was convinced I had never felt more alive. And so began my hope.... that evil, snaring, soul crushing light..... the hope that things would keep going well, and that he felt the same way. To my excitement he did, and it was like I had known him forever. I was so unbelievably happy, and excited, and absolutely terrified. Because deep down I knew he was going to break my heart.... and so I ignored all of my alarms, my instincts. "Run away, he is going to hurt you" "don't let him in, keep him at a distance" "this will only lead to pain" and I could feel my heart shake from fear... like it knew it wouldn't survive another fracture... but I stood my ground, I was going to fight myself and trust for once, because he was nothing like anyone I had ever met before. He made me feel safe, he was why I took so long to come back, because I wanted to give him a real unicumbered chance at loving me, instead of pushing him away. I was happy being alone, I was content with myself and who I was, but I wanted to share it.... so I let him in.

Not long after I began to have health issues, an excruciating pain developed in my abdomen that I never found a real answer for. I hurt my wrist at work, and was in a minor fender bender that hurt my upper back. I was in my last year of Nursing school, and so the stress began to overwhelm me and I started overeating again. Before I knew it I was 30 pounds heavier.... but worst of all the darkness started creeping back in.... here was my depression again.... and crippling anxiety.... it began to be too dark to see any light.... I failed 2 exams in my last semester.... but I still had hope and light because he was there. Reminding me I was smart and I could do it.... and when I opened up about my mental health, I told him I would understand if he didnt want to stay because he didnt sign up for that... and he told me he wasn't going anywhere.... and so I had some hope to hold onto.... because I knew the real Kat was in there still, but the world was piling it on and I was suffocating, and he was patient enough for me to get back to me again. A week later he changed his mind.... he decided he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings" for me as I had for him. A polite way of saying he doesn't love me, and knew he never would. And just like that, hope was gone....

Did I imagine it? The last 8 months? Was I really the only one who fell in love? Did I misread all of his actions as just really strong like and not love? The only reason I was open about my feelings towards him was because I genuinely believed he felt the same, his actions spoke louder than his words, or lack thereof. And I said I would wait for when he was ready to say it back, because I wasn't going anywhere and he made me believe he felt the same.... little did I realize he had one foot out the door from the start of our relationship. He thought the feelings would grow but they never did.... so when he smiled at me and held me close did he feel nothing? Was there not a fire roaring in his chest for me? Did not every fear and care melt away? Did the sound of my voice not send a thrill through his heart? Did he not look at me and feel pure happiness? What happened? What went wrong? What changed? It was me. It had to be me. Why else would he decide this now? He couldnt see the girl he first met anymore, I was a whole new person to him and he did not like what he saw or how he felt with me. And so he decided it wasn't "fair" to me if he kept me because he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings."

Ultimately I don't believe I ever really had a chance with him, because he kept me at a distance emotionally. I realize now he never truly opened himself to me, and when he saw how serious, how real a relationship with me could be. He chose to run instead of opening his heart to being hurt. So you know what, maybe I do deserve better than that. I deserved the person he made me believe be was, he started out all in but I didnt realize he had that foot out the door, especially after I told him those three words. He has an idea of what he thinks love is like and how it's supposed to last, but doesn't realize that love is different each time you find it. He always told me he loves love, so why didnt he want the love in front of him? I think he still holds his heart for the one girl he ever really loved. So he'll never find what he is looking for because each new person he brings into his world, he never really gives a chance to, they'll never fit that mold. How can he expect to love someone, if he doesn't allow himself to? And yet, here I am... still wondering why I was not enough.... it's never enough.... and so I've closed my heart to love permanently. Because I can't stand this pain.... I feel so tricked... and so betrayed... the only quote befitting this is by Bob Marley "The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her." How do I trust love if it ever comes again? Because what I mistook for love from him, was apparently nothing.... how do I trust actions now? How do I trust myself? And how did I mean absolutely nothing to him? Why am I the only one hurting? How was I so blind? I was foolish to believe someone like him actually loved me... it never crossed my mind that he didn't... he never made me feel otherwise.... I hate this. But what can I do? He'll never regret this decision, that isn't like him. Why would he regret leaving someone he doesn't love? He'll never miss me, for the same reasons. I can't make him love me if he doesn't. I'll be a fleeting thought for him, but for me he'll always be that maybe. I'll always find myself wanting to talk to him, wishing I could be with him. And if he ever does find love, I'll likely envy that girl. Because she must be something truly special to awaken his love... so I'll go back to finding myself. I'll try to finish school amidst this chaos in the world, become a nurse, buy a house with a backyard for my dogs. And be content knowing that I don't want love, I don't want this pain. I reached for too much happiness and light, and so the universe has ripped all of that away from me, reminding me that I don't get that kind of contentment. School hangs in the balance, still unsure if they will be able to continue due to Covid-19. The man I thought loved me is gone, and my love with him. That bright shiny future I thought was waiting this year is gone. So now I'm lost to wander alone. But this time I choose to be, because this pain isn't worth my sanity, or my life. I'm tired of surviving, I want to live.... Goodbye my sweetest of cinnamon rolls... I know you'll never see this... but I hope you know the love I felt was real...

03/19/2020 2220

#love #i love him #heartbreak #painful #bob marley #boyfriend #breakup #loss #goodbye

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sarah-writes-stories · 5 years

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Chapter 9: Forever

A Post-Canon Inuyasha Romance/Adventure Epic

Find it on: Fanfiction.net / AO3 / Wattpad

Words: 4,037

Prologue • Chapter 1 • Chapter 2 • Chapter 3 • Chapter 4 • Chapter 5 • Chapter 6 • Chapter 7 • Chapter 8 • Chapter 9 • Chapter 10 • Chapter 11 • Chapter 12 • Chapter 13

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He ran.

Faster than he ever had before, through gardens and over rooftops. He didn't bother using the road. Instead, making a straight line for Kaede's hut.

When he reached the door he didn't stop there either, barging in before skidding to a halt.

Kaede gasped at the sudden intrusion. She'd been waiting up for Kagome, sipping a cup of mild tea, but when she took in the sight of the young Miko unconscious and cradled in Inuyasha's arms, terror etched across his face, she immediately got to her feet.

"Inuyasha! What has happened?"

Inuyasha's eyes were wild. "I don't know! She was fine one minute and the next…" He trailed off, looking down at her still face, willing Kagome to show him some sign that she was going to be alright.

"Come, place her down over here." Kaede had already made up a futon for Kagome to sleep and was now thankful for her forethought.

Inuyasha placed Kagome down gently before moving back to give Kaede space to work. "Is she gonna be alright?" His voice was a panicked whisper.

"I cannot answer that until first ye tell me exactly what has happened."

"We left Miroku and Sango's and went by my hut so I could show it to her. We were… talking… and the next thing I knew she was surrounded by her own power, only it was like a blanket or a shell. I couldn't even get close enough to touch her. Burnt my hand when I tried. It sounded like it was hurting her. It felt like forever, but I think it was only a minute or so. She kept whimpering and groaning and when the power finally pulled back, she collapsed like this!"

Inuyasha could feel the fear rising within him all over again at the retelling. 'Oh, Kami,' he thought. 'Please don't take her away from me. Not when I just got her back.'

Kaede was worried as well, but her years of training kept her mind focused as she began running her hand above the child, using her spiritual senses to assess Kagome's aura for any signs of sickness, pain, or disease.

Before she could get halfway through the examination, Kagome began to stir. "Wha–?" She said groggily. "What happened?"

Kagome put one hand up to still the pounding in her head, using the other elbow to raise herself up slightly and look around.

"Kagome, child, be still. Inuyasha brought ye here. Ye were unconscious."

And suddenly Kagome remembered. "I– I passed out from the pain, I think."

"Ye were in pain, child? Can ye point out where the pain was?"

"It was everywhere. It felt like every part of my body, inside and outside was on fire." Kagome closed her eyes against the memory, the pounding in her head continued. "Could I maybe get a drink of water?"

"Here, let me." Inuyasha jumped up immediately, happy to be able to help even in this small way. He wasn't used to feeling so helpless.

He filled a cup from the water barrel by the door and brought it over to Kagome. Pressing it into her hand, he searched her face. "How are you feeling now?"

"I don't know. Fine, I guess, except for a pounding headache."

Kaede asked, "Do ye mind if I continue my examination?"

"No, go ahead." After taking a long drink Kagome handed the cup back to Inuyasha who had yet to move away from her side. She lay back down on the futon.

Kaede moved to place her hands again over Kagome's body, guiding them around as she reached out with her senses. "So this pain ye spoke of. It was all over? And Inuyasha said it was caused by ye's own power?"

"Yes, that's right." Kagome nodded.

"That is what has me confused. One's own power should never be able to do its own bearer harm. Did ye feel like ye were being harmed?"

Kagome thought about it for a moment. "Not… really? I don't know. It was hot, burning hot, but there was also this surge of… something. It felt kind of like how I'd imagine a battery might feel if it was overcharged."

Looking at the confusion on Kaede's face over her modern comparison, she mumbled in embarrassment. "Not that you'd know what a battery is, Kaede-sama. Sorry."

"A battery is like a container, but for power. It holds power but can be drained and refilled." Inuyasha tried to explain it to Kaede in the same way Souta had once explained it to him.

"I see… And so that was what it felt like, child? As though ye were being overfilled with power?"

"Kinda, I guess." The idea made her uncomfortable. She wasn't used to having this kind of power, especially after being back in the modern world for so long where her spiritual powers always seemed to be only weakly present at best.

Kaede continued her questioning, "And immediately before it happened, Inuyasha said the two of ye were simply speaking with one another? What was it ye were discussing?"

Kagome reached back in her mind, trying to remember what had happened in the moments before the pain began and had stolen all her thoughts away.

It was Inuyasha who replied when he saw that Kagome was struggling to remember. He blushed as he spoke, "I– I had asked Kagome to be my wife and she'd said yes and–"

"Inuyasha, Kagome, this is wonderful news!" Kagome blushed at Kaede's interruption of genuine happiness for the both of them.

"Thanks, baba. Yeah, we were pretty happy. We were talking about spending the rest of our lives together and I– I remember that that was the last thing she said." Inuyasha was as red as his fire-rat confessing their romantic moment to Kaede, but he continued. "She said she wished for us to spend the rest of our lives together and the next thing I knew she was crying out in pain!"

"Oh… Kami!" Kagome's eyes went wide as a thought crossed her mind.

"What? What is it, child?" Kaede asked.

It was Kagome's turn to blush as she spoke, "When we were walking down by the river earlier Inuyasha and I were talking about youkai and hanyou lifespans. How they age and stuff." She closed her eyes before continuing, "I remember there was a moment when I was… really sad because I realized that Inuyasha was going to stay the same and I was going to… grow old and die."

She couldn't bear to look at Inuyasha as she whispered the words, "Your life was always going to be so much longer than mine."

"Kagome…" Inuyasha didn't know what else to say to that. It was the harshest reality of their relationship. He reached out to touch her hand where it lay beside her on the futon.

She opened her eyes to look at him, the pain she felt at that truth reflected in his own golden depths. "Inuyasha, you asked me to swear to you that I would never leave you alone. That I would stay with you for the rest of our lives… Only, the second I did…"

She trailed off as his eyes widened, understanding where her thoughts were headed.

"You don't– You don't think…?"

No one in the room spoke for a long moment until finally, Kaede broke the heavy silence in the room.

"Are ye saying, child, that ye think ye may have done something to yourself?"

"I think… I think maybe yeah, though what I'm not sure. It's not like I planned it or even thought about it consciously, but–" She sat up suddenly cutting off her own words.

"Kaede-sama, would you please pass me a knife?"

"Whaaaaaatttt? Wench, don't you dare!" Inuyasha knew Kagome well enough to know when she was about to do something crazy or stupid… or both.

"Inuyasha," her voice was firm as she stared him down. "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do, but–"

She didn't let him finish, "If you trust me then you'll let me do this."

"No, Kagome, you can't! I'm not just gonna sit here and let you hurt yourself, or worse!"

"Inuyasha, there isn't going to be an 'or worse,' please trust me. Kaede is here and can help me if I'm wrong about this."

"But–"

"Inuyasha…" She said his name in a tone that sent "sit" flashbacks dancing through his mind.

"You wouldn't." Inuyasha crossed his arms over his chest, sticking both hands in either sleeve of his fire-rat. He turned his face away from her, chin in the air, as though that would be the end of that discussion.

"Aisuru…" Kagome spoke softly this time, pleading with him… And Inuyasha felt all the fight melt out of him when he realized she'd called him her love.

He turned back to her and wrapped his arms around her. "What're ya gonna do?" He mumbled the question into her hair.

"I'm going to cut myself – I'm thinking maybe on my thigh – and we'll wait and see what happens. If it heals quickly then I'll assume that whatever happened has super-charged my cells, giving them the ability to regenerate quickly."

Inuyasha pulled back and cocked his head, not quite understanding what her strange future words meant.

She smiled at him. "What I mean is that if I do heal quickly then it probably means that my ageing will also be significantly slower as well… Just like yours. Cells are just a fancy name for all the teeny bits of your body that control growth, healing, ageing, and all that stuff."

Inuyasha seemed satisfied by her explanation, and he could hear the hope in her words as she spoke. He grumbled and sat back, NOT liking this plan one bit, but willing to try it. If this was true, if she could heal… The idea of having centuries with Kagome rather than just decades made his heart flutter in his chest a bit.

"Kagome, are ye sure about this, child? If it does not heal, ye will have injured yourself needlessly."

"Kaede-sama, just trust that I have a feeling about this, okay? But we should probably dip the knife in a pot of boiling water first. No sense taking any unnecessary chances."

"Boiling water?" Kaede was confused by this.

"Hai, because of the germs. They're something that won't be discovered for another two or three hundred years. Maybe I've mentioned them before? Anyway, they're tiny…bugs I guess you can call them… that live on things like metal knives. When they get into a wound, they are what cause infections. So if you kill the bugs by boiling them in hot water first…"

"Ah, yes, I see. Then they will not be able to cause an infection. How interesting your modern knowledge is, Kagome."

She gave Kaede a rueful smile, "Yep, I'm a regular walking, talking encyclopedia of knowledge… except for when it comes to what's going on with my own power it seems." Kagome shook her head in resignation then. "Let's just get this over with."

"I'd just boiled the pot for tea prior to Inuyasha's arrival with ye. it should not take more than a few moments to return to boiling."

Kaede was right. By the time she had located a sufficiently sharp knife for the task at hand, the water in the pot was boiling rapidly once more.

"Just stick it in all the way to the hilt and hold it there for a minute or so," Kagome instructed.

"As ye say, child." Once done, Kaede walked over to Kagome, handing her the hilt of the knife.

Seeing the knife in Kagome's hand threw Inuyasha into another fit of worry. "Kagome, are you sure about this? I can't stand the thought of you hurting yourself!"

Kagome reached forward and cupped his cheek in her palm. Instinctively, he leaned into her touch.

"I love you, Inuyasha, and I never want to leave you. If I have to grow old and die then I am resigned to that fate, as long as we can be together until that happens." He made a distinctly canine whimper at those words.

"But if by some Kami-blessed miracle I have escaped that fate and we can be together for as long as we both shall live, I want to– No, I need to know. I think that's worth a little bit of pain, don't you?"

He couldn't tell her otherwise. "Okay fine, but that doesn't mean I gotta like it!"

"Here," Kaede interrupted before Inuyasha could try to dissuade her again. "Take these rags and tuck them under your leg to catch the blood. And just in case, I would suggest ye make the cut up and down. From my experience, those sorts of wounds heal more cleanly than a cut that runs crossways."

"Thank you, Kaede-sama." Kagome gave her surrogate grandmother a reassuring smile.

"Alright, alright. Let's get this over with already." Inuyasha didn't think he'd be able to take much more of this.

Kagome took the knife to the outside edge of the midway point of her thigh. She pressed the tip to her soft flesh, felt the prick as it pierced her skin… and stopped.

"I– I don't know if I can actually do this," she faltered, looking at Inuyasha.

"Here." He whispered softly.

"Are you sure?"

"No, but I'll do it."

She let him take the hilt of the knife. The tip never leaving the spot on her thigh where she had already pierced the skin.

She closed her eyes. "Here goes nothi– Ahhhhh!"

Kagome screamed, followed quickly by a loud, hissed intake of breath as the blade sliced a mid-depth gash straight up the side of her leg.

Kagome panted against the pain that shot up and down her leg from the wound. Black spots swam in front of her eyes for a moment and she wondered if she might pass out all over again.

"Inuyasha!" She called out for him instinctively, grabbing for his hand and squeezing it against the pain.

"I'm here, Kagome, just breathe." He gave her hand a gentle squeeze of reassurance.

Kaede shook her head at the obvious pain the girl was in. "And now we wait," she said finally.

Kagome couldn't yet bring herself to look down at the wound. "How long would it normally take you to heal from something like this?" She turned her eyes towards Inuyasha.

He couldn't seem to take her eyes off the bloody gash. He watched as Kagome's blood slid down the outside of her leg onto the rags that had been set there to collect the blood.

He hated the smell of her blood.

"Keh, it would probably close up in an hour or so. Then it'd be a scar after a couple hours and probably be gone completely by morning. It's only when I get impaled on stuff that it tends to take longer to heal." He smirked at her then. "But don't you go trying anything like that!"

Kagome chuckled, glad to ease some of the tension in the air.

"Well, if we shall be here for a while, I will make us some tea." Kaede got up from where she was sitting near Kagome and went back to the kitchen area. She returned several minutes later with a tray with tea for all three of them.

They sat again in silence for a long while before Kagome couldn't take the waiting any longer. If she didn't do something to keep her mind off the waiting she thought she might lose her mind. She mentally scrambled around for something to distract her until a thought crossed her mind, something she had been wanting to ask Kaede about.

"Kaede-sama, how did you convince Sesshōmaru to leave Rin here?"

Kaede looked up at Kagome in surprise. After such a long period of silence, she had not been expecting such a pointed question. She took a moment to reply.

"Ah, yes. Well, it was after the final battle with Naraku. Ye had been pulled into the Meidō and Inuyasha had followed ye in. The Bone-eater's Well had disappeared and the village was smouldering." She shook her head at the memory.

"The poor child was dirty and hungry and tired. I told him that he would be welcome to return to the village with me and allow me to see to her, in case she had any injuries. He did not say much but seemed to consent to my request, though Rin herself seemed… disinclined… to come into the village. Sesshōmaru told her it was what he wished and, as ye all know Rin, she obeyed her lord." Kaede shook her head at that and smiled a small smile.

"I fed the child, helped her bathe, and urged her to rest. She'd inhaled a great deal of miasma and was weak. It was after she'd fallen asleep that I found Sesshōmaru sitting just outside my hut, though I know not where he'd sent the kappa and the dragon off to." She sighed, shifting herself into a more comfortable position.

"I could tell that he did not wish for my company but I'd often wondered, ever since ye both had told me about the small girl following the Inu lord, why it was that he allowed such a thing. I asked him as much. His reply was that Rin could do as she chose. He would not say more than that. I asked him then why she had been reluctant to return to the village, and all he would say was that Rin did not like humans, which was confounding to me, as I did not know of her history at the time."

"Her history?" Kagome interrupted.

"Aye, her family was murdered in a bandit raid on her home village when she was a small child."

Kagome gasped. "Oh, poor Rin!"

"Aye, it was then that the idea came to my mind. I asked him if he did not think it would best if she stayed here, in a village with humans. If she was so alienated from her own kind and knew not what it was like to live in a village that cared for her – where she was safe – was it not in her best interest to learn such a thing, especially amongst other women who would be able to guide her in the inevitable changes that all females face as they grow."

Kaede smiled a small smile remembering Sesshōmaru's face when she had said those words. It was the closest she had ever come to seeing a reaction on the daiyoukai's stoic countenance. He'd almost looked uneasy at the thought.

"I could tell that the idea of leaving her did not sit well with him, so I suggest that she might stay here just until she was old enough to truly choose the life she wanted, and if that choice was to return to him, well…" She let her words trail off. "That seemed to appease him some and he told me he would consider my words."

She gave a small shrug before continuing. "The next morning Sesshōmaru told Rin that she was to stay here in the village with me, that there were things she still needed to learn from humans, and that for her own protection she would be safer here… for now. The poor child was distraught. She looked as though she would bolt after him the second he turned away, but he knelt down to her then and spoke to her softly. He told her that this arrangement was not forever and that she need not fear as much. That he would visit her often and if she was troubled, or anxious, or sad, or any other time… that she could call for him and he would come to her, even if they were far apart… That it was fine for things to be this way for now, as long as she retained her trust in him.*"

"He did NOT say that?!" Inuyasha was incredulous. Clearly, Kaede had never told him this part before.

"He did, indeed," Kaede confirmed.

"That's… wow, he really cares for her." Kagome was just as shocked as Inuyasha.

"Aye, it would appear so." Kaede was silent for a moment before finishing her tale. "I could sense that he stayed nearby for a few days. I expect he was wary of her actually calling out for him, or perhaps he wanted to make sure that she was indeed safe and settling in. Finally, after Inuyasha had reappeared with the Bone-eater's Well, Sesshōmaru left the area. I can only assume it was because he trusted Inuyasha to protect her, should the need arise."

A scowled "Keh" was Inuyasha's only response to that.

"Since that day, he has come and gone from the village as he pleases. He will usually visit Rin once a season – as well as on her birthday – for a few days at a time. Sometimes he will take her for a short trip, but he brings her gifts each time, regardless."

"When is Rin's birthday?" Kagome asked.

"At the end of the autumn, a few weeks prior to the solstice."

"Ah," she murmured in response. Then another thought crossed her mind. "Actually, my nineteenth birthday is next week! It's… It's also the anniversary of the day I released Inuyasha from the Goshinboku." She blushed a little and gave him a happy smile, joyful tears coming to her eyes at the memory.

"Inuyasha, do you think, maybe, that it could also be our wedding day? It kind of seems fitting, doesn't it?"

He took one of her hands between both of his, cupping it and gently stroking the pad of his thumb over top. "Yeah… Yeah, it does."

Kaede smiled at the young couple. "I concur that it would be a most auspicious day, and it should be more than sufficient time to prepare the village for the festivities." If any two people deserved to be happy, Kaede thought it was these two.

"Thank you, Kaede-sama." Kagome smiled up at the old woman for another moment before her attention was drawn back to the pain in her leg… Or rather, to the lack of pain, to be precise.

She gave a small gasp, reaching her hand toward the wound, before pulling her fingers back. It was still obscured with blood. "Kaede, would you pass me a wet cloth? I think…."

Kagome didn't finish. Kaede was passing her the cloth then, and she was tenderly wiping the blood away from the edges of her wound.

When finally it was cleaned, all three of them peered down at her leg. It was still an angry shade of red, swollen and sore, but the wound itself was closed… surely an impossible feat if her body still behaved like that of a mortal woman.

"Well," she smiled weakly down at her leg and then up at Inuyasha, whose jaw had dropped open as she'd been wiping the blood away and had yet to move from that shocked position. "I guess that settles that. Inuyasha, it looks like you're gonna be stuck with me for a long, looooonnnnng time."

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*A/N: For those in the know, these words were inspired by Sesshōmaru's actually canon proposal to Rin! Google "Rin's tongue-twister proposal" to read the full exchange.

Also, I do not own Inuyasha, or any of the characters created by Rumiko Takahashi. (I only own this original story.)

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starsgivemehp · 5 years

Note

☯ + Judgement Hall

Canon Drabbles | accepting

(WELLLLL this isn’t a drabble. It’s very long. BUT it just so happens I’d written this long ago from Frisk’s point of view, from an earlier version of Red, so getting to rewrite it in his POV and with updated backstories was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. So, here you are~!)

- - - - -

“stop right there, kid.”

Red watched the human child come to asurprised halt, clearly startled by his sudden appearance. They hadn’t spokensince Snowidn, but he’d been there, watching, from Syren’s little concert tothe vents of Hotland to the winding hallways of the core. He wasn’t impressed.He stood facing them, his hands in his pockets, gaze narrowed. They gave himthat innocent, confused look, the same look they gave Mettaton, and Undyne, andVex, and anyone else who fought them. Like they couldn’t believe it. He grit histeeth.

“don’t gimme that look… you and i both knowwhat’s gonna happen next.”

They tilted their head slightly. They wereeven shorter than him, a child, their body stocky and still growing. Theirhands moved precisely, quick and confident.

‘Why are you here, Red?’

“don’t ask stupid questions. you made it allthis way, you beat my boss, and the captain, even the human-killing robot. youshould’ve died ages ago. how did you survive?”

They didn’t answer, their hands hesitating,and he scoffed.

“yeah, i know how. by making friends with them. by being nice to them until they spared you outof pity, or to return the favor. well, lemme tell ya somethin’, kid. no onespares anyone down here. that’s just not how the underground works. for years,there’s been only one rule. kill, or bekilled.”

Frisk set their jaw, straightening up, andfinally found words.

‘But I did neither of those things.’

“that’s right. you didn’t kill, and you weren’tkilled. well. good for you, kid. but now what? you can’t pass the barrier onyour own no matter how much ‘determination’ you have. you need a monster souland a human soul. and not just any monster soul, either. a monster soul thatwill persist long enough after death for you to take it and absorb it. a bossmonster’s soul. and as of right now, there are only two boss monsters. one isthe king. and the other… well, who knows where the queen went?”

Frisk lifted their hands, but he bulldozed on,unwilling to let them dig in with their talk of mercy. Not for this.

“so, kid, we got a good ending and a bad ending.the bad ending is, you walk past me and fight and kill our king – and he’s areal jerk, don’t get me wrong, but he isking – you take his soul, you pass through the barrier leaving us behind in apower vacuum. we fall into despair; monsters everywhere start falling down anddying. we struggle to survive and hope against hope that another human fallssoon. or… the good ending. you die. you give us your soul, and we break free ofthis mountain.”

Of course, the King had plans of war, butthose could be dealt with after. vex and undyne weren’t training for nothing,or just to beat up vagabonds. This kid didn’t need to know these things.

He pulled his left hand out of his pocket, palm up, hispupils softening a little around the edges. He did his best to look genuine.

“you can guess which one we’d prefer. i’m askin’ ya nicely,kid. do everyone a favor, and give it up peacefully. if you do, i’ll make yourdeath quick and painless. i’m a nice guy sometimes, y’know, and i don’t like toput in a lot of effort. fighting is a hassle, don’t you agree? “

He waited like that patiently, with his arm stretched out,while Frisk stared at him in shock. He wasn’t surprised. His offer wasdownright generous, compared to the other fights they’d been through. There wasa chance, a small chance that theymight actually take his offer, and he wouldn’t have to make this a big mess.But, he could tell already they weren’t going to take his offer. Of course. Hewas resigning himself even before their jaw set.

‘I’m going to return to the surface, and I’m taking you allwith me.’

Red sighed, flipping his hand for the palm to face Frisk.

“well, i tried it the easy way. now you get the hard way.”

He turned their soul blue and threw them into the airviciously.

Things seemed to blur after that. He was sure he’d beatenthem, he was sure he could smell the sickening tang of human blood, making histhroat close up and his soul thud in revulsion. But no, here he was again, hishand out, ready to turn their soul blue. He paused for just a moment, watchingthem.

“that expression…”

He turned their soul blue and flung them. They survived hisattack, slamming the CHECK button. He tried not to shiver, and instead smirked,enjoying their shocked expression at his piss-poor stats.

“what? thought i was stronger? i toldja i didn’t likefighting. but hey, you should’ve attacked while you had the chance, buddy.”

He attacked viciously, trying to dredge up the faintest hintof KR to make it easier on himself. He couldn’t. He couldn’t muster therighteous fury needed to make his magic spark yellow, to make his attacks domore than one measly point at a time. But even without it, he had tricks andworkarounds that gave him a severe advantage.

Things started blurring a little more, but he was gettingused to it. He was experiencing the time LOADs he’d theorized they were usingto win. But he still wouldn’t let them win.

‘Hey, Red! What do you call a skeleton that stuck its head inthe freezer? A numbskull!’“hehehe, good one kid. i’ll use it myself when i get tothe surface.”-- - - - - - - - -‘Did you sit on a pile of sugar, Red? Because you have apretty sweet ass!’“hehe. clever, but i’m a skeleton. i don't have an ass.”- - - - - - - - - -'Red, please, stop! You’vekilled me four times now!’“i know how to count,thanks. i’m a physicist. a well-rounded five, maybe?”

- - - - - - - - - -

“lemme tell you a story.”

Red wandered over to oneof the pillars in the golden hallway. The kid was clutching their bleeding arm.The smell of blood made him nauseated, but he shook it off. He watched themwith his good eye, the blind right one closed to give him a casual look.

“so i’m a sentry atsnowdin forest, right? out there, in the middle of nowhere, is a door. the doorto the ruins, i’m guessing. but it’s perfect for knock-knock jokes. one time, iwas sittin’ there, crankin’ 'em out as usual, when i heard a voice. a laugh.someone was on the other side, and they liked my stupid puns. it was a woman. idon’t know her name, i never asked. but she really freakin’ loves puns. then sheknocked herself and told one of her own. she was good. we startedgoin’ back and forth, almost every day. we’ve been doin’ it for years now. it’sgreat.”

He knew he had a stupid,fond look on his face as he told the story. Even though he’d never seen her face,he had a terrible fondness for her.

“one day… thelady wasn’t laughin’ much. somethin’ was wrong, i could tell. y'know, i’mpretty good at telling stuff like that. so i asked her what was up. she neverdid get around to tellin’ me what happened. but instead, she asked mesomethin’. she asked me, 'Red, how do you feel about promises?’ and so i toldher, 'look lady, i don’t make promises to people unless i trust 'em a lot…but you’re one of those people. tell me what you want and i’ll decide.’ so shetold me this: “If a human ever passes through this door… please kill them.’”

'Wait, what?’ Frisksigned incredulously.

“it’s the truth.she said to me, 'Please kill them quickly and painlessly. Do not let KingAsgore torture them. Give them the mercy of a painless death from someone witha good heart.’ and so i promised her that. and then, all these years later,here you are.”

'But… but…’

“look. i take mypromises seriously. i keep 'em even if they could kill me. so i intend to keepthis one too.”

He pushed off from the pillarand outstretched his good hand again, palm up.

“you’ll never get outwithout killing the king, kid. we’ll never get out without your soul. this isthe best outcome any of us can hope for. i’ll make sure it’s painless. just takemy offer.”

It was sparing, in itsown way. Yes, they would die, but he could make it be painless. Hell, if it madethem feel better, he’d give them a hug and a last wish or dying request. He’dmake their name be known and immortalized. But, of course, they refused. Theylooked like they were about to start crying, which made his soul clench.

Don’t you do that to me, kid. I HAVE to dothis.

‘Red… I can’t. I refuseto die. I refuse to give up.’

“but why?”he asked, frustrated. “giving up is so much easier. it takes so littleeffort. it hurts less. just… give up, kid.”

‘I won’t.’

Red sighed, slowlydropping his hand.

“y’see? this is why i hate making promises.”

He rolled his shouldersand jumped back into the fray.

- - - - - - - - - -

He gave that speechseveral more times. He always gave them a chance. He couldn’t stop himself. Itwas a part of the ‘script’ he supposed. But he always doubled down after that.They kept sparing, insisting, and multiple times, he knew he snarled that hehated them as he sent another attack their way. He lost count. It had to beover 30 times he killed them total. And he could feel that he was getting tired.Reaching his limits. They were getting better and better.

No wonder they even got past Undyne.

The worst part was theirwords.

“if you’re not gonnadie, you stupid kid, then just kill me and get it over with!” he snarled, andthey reeled like they’d been struck.

‘No!’

“why the fuck not?”

‘Because I care aboutyou, I can’t kill you!’

“wha…?” He paused in hisattack, staring at them with darkened sockets. “you… care about me…?”

‘I care about all ofyou! I care about your brother, and Undyne, and Alphys, and I definitely careabout you!’

And that ridiculouslittle kid actually made it seem… believable.He recalled Vex going red in the face during their ‘play date,’ watching Undynechasing them down only to have her stalk over tot their house and mumble somethingabout cooking with them, raiding Alphys’s lab only to see her dumping out herworse experiments herself. They had all changed… Was it really only becausethis kid showed they cared? Was that really it?

…No. It couldn’t be.There had to be other things at play. It was all some sick game. He grit histeeth, yanking them with blue magic again.

“you don’t. those arejust words. if you really cared about me, about any of us… you would just die already!”

He saw vividly tearingthrough their fragile flesh with a dozen bones, the blood spattering. His soulseized at the gore, and he felt vomit welling up before the world blurred.

- - - - - - - - - -

“…survive this, and i’ll show you my specialattack!”

He had said those wordseight times before. He was fighting a losing battle. What was the point? Hethrew everything at them. Everything he had, until he was gasping for breath, themagic in his good eye sputtering, exhaustion sweeping through him. He fell tohis knees, the assault ending, and they were still alive. Bleeding, but alive.The smell was horrible, but he was too tired to even be grossed out by thispoint.

“hhh… hhh…hhh… why won’t… you… just die…?” he panted,his eye sockets completely blank now. “why… hhh… why won’t you…just… give up…? hhh… please… hhh… please just… give up…”

He held onto his ‘turn’with the last ounces of will he had in him. Even so, they shuffled closer,kneeling in front of him. He braced for the end. But instead, he heard theirsoft, mostly unused voice.

“I can never give up,Red. I’ve got to get out.”

“hhh… k-kid… i don’t… idon’t have… some special attack… that’s all i got… hhh… you, you beat me… i can’tkill you, s-so… so please, just… kill me instead…”

“No! I refuse to killyou. I refuse to kill anyone.”

“please… please, kid, i’m beegin’ ya… after allof this… i can’t do it… i can’t watch you kill the king… take away our hope. ican’t watch boss feel betrayed… i just… i can’t, kid, i can’t do this anymore,i can’t…”

He broke off in a soband hated himself deeply for that weakness. Here he was, crumpled in front of achild, crying pathetically like he was still a little kid himself. If anyoneelse saw, he’d be dead. But all Frisk did was put their little hand on hisshoulder, and rub gently.

“I won’t. I care aboutyou, I’d never hurt you.”

He shook his head,sobbing quietly again. “if you cared about me, you’d do this for me… i’ve onlygot 1… i’m all out of HOPE. watchin’ you take away boss’s hope is gonna kill meanyway… this would be the less painful way to go, please…”

“I refuse.”

“why… not even for revenge?i killed you so many times i lost count.”

“Yes… But it doesn’tmatter. I know you’re a good person. You were fighting me to protect the peopleyou love.”

“that doesn’t excusemurder… and i ain’t the only one. so many have been cruel, anyone else wouldtake one look at us and just call us all bad people!”

“Well… I believe eventhe worst person can change. That everyone can be a good person, if they justtry. I’m going through life trying to be the best person I can be. Forgivingeveryone of their mistakes and bad choices, in the hopes they’ll try to becomebetter people too. It’s working so far… Hasn’t your brother changed? You sawhim after our date.”

Red wiped at his eyes,shifting to sit on his haunches slowly. “yeah, he… he looked happy… he hasn’tlooked so happy in a long time…” He looked up at them tiredly. “you… you changedhim, kid.”

“I’m glad! Because Icare about him a lot! And I’d never hurt him, especially not by killing you.You’re his precious brother. He loves you, you know. Even if he doesn’t say it.”

Red felt tears well up inhis sockets again. His soul throbbed. He knew, deep inside, it had just… beenso long since he’d acknowledged it. What with all of their fighting, theinsults, the punches, the disappointment and goading, the vicious cycle they’dbeen stuck in… Despite all of that…

“i… i know he does. ilove him too. that’s why i want him to get to the surface. i… want him to drivea cool car, and see the sun ride every morning…”

‘I want that too.’ Friskshifted back to signing now that he was watching them. ‘I’m gonna do it, Red. I’mgoing to set everyone free.’

“but how? we can’tharness the power of your soul without killing you, and we need it. besides,the king is…”

‘I’ll find a way. I alwaysfind a way.’

“heh…” He fell silent,looking down at his hand. He was exhausted, and emotionally wrung out, and…despite all of his conviction, there was something about Frisk. Something hecouldn’t help but trust. “somehow… i believe you, kid. i’m sorry foreverything.”

They smiled at him andoffered their hand. He took a deep breath, then took it to get to his feet.

The FIGHT ended.

#drabbles #fanfiction #my work #skeleton artsu #my fanfiction #hey its me (red)#angel or demon (frisk)#still love him (vex)#mun responds #tripleswapverse

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eunicecorn22 · 5 years

Text

PSA

I absolutely hate making PSAs because it makes my blog not only feel really tense but, I also really hate coming off as a huge dick. But, this one is really needed.

This hasn't happened on either of my Tumblr blogs nor my Twitter (Thankfully) but has happened on my Instagram, Discord PMs and even in multiple Amino communities I am in.

Let me get this straight to start off, I have way too many social media platforms (Which Eunice, you actual idiot. Why you do this to yourself??) and I genuinely don't mind if you start a conversation with me. In fact, I get excited when someone messages me and wants to be friends with me. I find that it makes my day to get to know someone!

HOWEVER!

I do not want to be asked for pics of myself and if you do ask, my answer will be a definite no (Unless I trust you but even then, not really easy to gain my trust). I am generally camera shy and don't like taking photos of myself because it makes me uncomfortable and it'd be nice if you can respect that as well as my response and move on.

Sadly that isn't the case to multiple people and they end up berating me to send one. Even going out of their way to send one with an excuse of "I have sent a pic of myself. Therefore, it's fair you should send one too". This is in my opinion, is the dumbest excuse and its no offence really pathetic. You cannot tell me what to send to you. You never had that choice to begin with and if you send a pic of yourself in hopes to get a pic of myself in return, tough, you're not getting one. Period.

Asking for one is one thing but, being persistent about it? I'm sorry but I will only tolerate you for so long before I shut the door on your face. I have my own rights and privacy and if it really means being a huge dick in your eyes, then so be it.

Lastly, I am on social media for two things and two things only:

1) To put my art out on the internet and hopefully earn some money in the near future out of it. (It should be really soon too! Hopefully!)

2) To make new friends and socialise

Anyways, all in all, just be respectful and don't ask for pics. I find it annoying to have to say no every time and then have to deal with some persistent people. Again, really sorry for making this PSA and while this hasn't occurred on my main nor my personal blogs, take this as a warning for when you message me.

Don't worry, I don't bite at all so feel free to talk to me if you wanna! As for the hint in point number one, yes I am going to be opening up commissions soon! My Paypal has been set up and now all I need to do is write out commission information and get my commission samples ready so keep an eye out for when I finally open up commissions!

Thank you for reading this fairly long PSA and I'm sorry for being so passive aggressive. This actually has been weighing on my mind for quite some time and I had enough of it so I thought it was about time I said something while both my Tumblr blogs are still clean from it. Hopefully there won't be another PSA in a long time ^^

#i dont like PSAs!!#im sorry for lowkey sounding like a dick!!!

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mala-sadas · 6 years

Note

for the drabble stuff: you're safe now. i don't really care who, i just want someone saying that to emma. please?

So this ended up being a little long for a drabble, but I like the way it turned out. Hope you like it too :)

“You’ll be safe at Cassius’s place. I’ll take you to meet him.”

That was a big, fat lie.

I should have known better than to trust her. Living on thestreets, it’s every man for himself. They call us the Lumiose Gang, but wereally only team up to do things that we can’t do on our own. There’s no roomfor “sharing” or “being nice” in this world.

But she was promising something better, and I…I got hopeful.

Hope is a painful thing. It causes suffering all for thesake of what could happen to makethings better. And if it turns out to be false hope, it magnifies the pain offalling back into despair. In my case, that false hope tacked on the pain ofbetrayal and abandonment, plus a few new scrapes and bruises to boot.

I hate her. I hate all of them. They never cared about me.No one cares about me.

I struggle to my feet. I’m sore all over, but that’s nothingnow. I can’t lie here exposed until I feel better – I don’t need to leavemyself open to scavengers while I recover. I need food. I slowly begin makingmy way back down the alley. If my internal compass is right, the LumioseGalette stand is this way. I might be able to snag a galette from them or acustomer.

However, I haven’t gotten far before I hear footsteps runningtowards me. I don’t have the time or the energy to run and find somewhere tohide, so I press myself against the wall and wait for whoever’s coming to pass.

He’s younger than me, but just as thin. While his clothesaren’t nearly as tattered as mine, they’ve still got the telltale rips andpatches of a street rat like me. But what interests me the most about him isthe plain white box he’s holding. I’m certain that it contains a freshly-bakedbatch of Lumiose Galettes, and my mouth waters just thinking about it. I’mtaking that box of galettes away from him.

I stick out a foot to trip him as he passes me, and I snatchthe box out of his hands as he falls. I sprint in the direction he came from,adrenaline lending me the energy to keep moving. I don’t consider thepossibility that the kid I tripped might have been running away from someone until I’ve already run into him.

My shoulder takes the brunt of the impact, and I fall on topof him. I want to roll off him and keep running, but the force of the collisionhas made my injuries start to ache all over again. It’s hard to even do thefirst part of that. He gets up before me, and I brace myself for whateverpunishment he deems me worthy of for stealing his galettes. He reaches a handtowards me, and I wait for the blow.

It never comes.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “Are you okay?”

I slowly open my eyes. He’s looking down at me with darkgray eyes, and his brow is slightly furrowed. His hand is open and extendedtowards me – not forceful, but a gentle offering. He’s not reaching down tostrike me, but rather to…help me up.

I grasp his hand quickly – if he changes his mind, it’sharder for him to hit me when I’m holding his hand. But he pulls me up withouthesitation, and his hand releases mine and returns to his side. I lean againstthe wall for support.

“You wouldn’t happen to have seen…” he begins, but he trailsoff, fixing his attention on something beside me. I glance to the side andrealize the boy I stole the box from has arrived empty-handed, and the guy Iran into is looking between the two of us, slowly piecing things together. “Arethose…my Lumiose Galettes?” he finally asks.

I push myself away from the wall. I need to get out of here.But all of a sudden, I feel dizzy, and I just fall forward instead. The guycatches me and the box of galettes, but at the same time, the kid yanks the boxaway from us and flees. That’s probably the last we’ll see of him.

But then the guy’s free arm moves beneath me and he shouts,“Kit! Grab him!”

Is this guy a PokémonTrainer?

Pokémon Trainer or not, having him shout in my ear makes myhead throb. I only manage to straighten up for a moment before I have to slumpagainst the wall again, but at least I can see what’s going on now.

The guy has sent out a huge, round, pink Pokémon with a longtongue. The Pokémon extends its tongue and uses it to grab the kid and pull himback to us. The guy takes the box back from the kid, smiles, and says, “Thankyou!” Then the Pokémon puts the kid back on the ground. He glances quicklybetween me, the guy, and his Pokémon before he sprints away

That kid has the right idea. I’d sprint away too, if I hadthe energy to do it. Instead, I just lean against the wall and warily eye theblack-haired guy whose galettes I just tried to steal. He’s taller and thickerthan me, but his thickness looks to be more fat than muscle. I could probablyoverpower him if I wasn’t so worn out. I don’t know what he’s going to do tome. I wish he’d just take his galettes and leave.

“Hey,” he says, “are you okay? You didn’t answer me lasttime.”

That again? He sounds like he’s concerned about me. But whywould he care about a strange kid who just tried to rob him? He’s faking it, Iknow he is. I don’t know what he hopes to gain from it, but there has to besomething that he wants from me. He can’t seriously care about me.

It would be nice if someone cared about me.

I shake my head quickly – not a lot, but enough to get mymessage across to him. “I’m tired, and…and I’m hungry, and, and, and my bodyhurts all over,” I whimper. I’m trembling now, and the guy puts a hand on myshoulder. I think it’s supposed to be comforting, but I flinch awayinstinctively. I’m not used to comforting touches.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” the guy says, slowly lowering hishand. “I’m not gonna hurt you. You’re safe now. Here, do you want something to eat?”

He opens the box of galettes and takes one out and offers itto me. I hesitate, instinct telling me to stay on my guard. Being too trusting gotme into this mess in the first place, and I don’t want to make things evenworse for me. Slowly, I take the galette from him, and once I’m certain that he’snot going to take it back from me I gobble it down in two bites.

“There you go,” he says, grinning widely. “Food makeseverything better. Don’t worry – there are plenty more where that came from!”He offers me another galette, and I accept it with a little less hesitation. Ieat this one slower, stopping to savor the flavor of the sweet. He takes onefor himself and gives another to his Pokémon. Then he looks back at me. “I’mDiamond,” he says. “This is Kit, my Lickilicky. What’s your name?”

I look from his face down to the box of galettes and back tohis face again. He chuckles and hands me another galette. I didn’t want to behopeful, but here I am, hoping again. Hoping that his kindness is genuine. Hopingthat his kindness will continue. And so, I respond in kind. “My name is Emma.”

“Emma,” he repeats. “Where do you live, Emma?”

I shrug. I don’t know where I’m going to live now. I can’tgo to the plaza where the Lumiose Gang hangs out anymore – I’ll have to findsomewhere else.

Diamond scrutinizes me for a moment, taking in my tangledmess of hair, my mangled clothing, and my dirty, broken skin. “You look likeyou could use a little cleaning up,” he asserts. “Why don’t you come with me? Ifyou’d like, you can stay with my friends and I for the next few days. We’releaving after that, but…well, we’ll see what you want to do then. What do you say?”

I stare at him in disbelief. It sounds too good to be true.He can’t seriously be offering me food and shelter for days for free. “What’s the catch?” I ask shakily.

He blinks. “What do you mean, what’s the catch?”

“You can’t just give me all of this at no cost,” I say.

“But you need it,” he says. “I want to help you.”

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“Because you don’t care about me.”

He tilts his head quizzically. “But I do care about you.”

I’m silent for a moment as his words sink in. This stranger…Diamond,this young man who I’ve just met, cares about me. As if he couldn’t imagine itany other way. I don’t understand why. But maybe the why’s not as important asI always make it out to be.

I want to be with someone who cares about me.

“I’ll come with you.”

Diamond smiles and offers his hand to me. It’s pale andclean – exactly the opposite of my dark, dirty, scraped one. But I take itanyways. His grip is firm, but not tight – stable, steady, unyielding.

For the first time in my life, I feel truly safe now.

Surprise! This is a ‘Happy birthday Diamond’ fic too!

Happy birthday, my compassionate companion

#pokespe #pokemon special #trainer emma #trainer diamond #birthdays #fanfic #it was a dark and stormy write #anon ask #thanks for the ask!!#i'll post this to ao3 after i finish the other drabble prompts #which will hopefully pop up in the next couple of days

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space-lions-and-imagines · 7 years

Note

could u write a scenario where lance is a superhero and the reader is a villain and they're always meeting up and having romantic tension and one night he's like "why don't we just date and both be superheroes" and the reader is like "i never thought i would switch sides, but for you? anything."

I LOVE SUPERHEROS. GIVE ME ALL THE SUPERHERO AUS PLEASE. Okay so just a little background before we jump in so it makes a bit of sense. Lance has super speed and ice powers in this AU and he is very Wally West Flash where he cracks jokes and isn’t always seen as a threat compared to bigger heros but hes smarter than people give him credit for. And the people of his town adore him because not only does he defeat the villains but he also helps with other things in the community. He is at every major charity event and uses any money he makes off of royalties to put back into the city, mostly to cover costs that his fights cause. And his name is Hailblazer (a combo of trail blazer,hell raiser and an ice pun) and his suite is very Nightwing-esque.

Oh and shout out to @legendarydesvender because I saw their superhero au a while back and loved it and I kind of got the idea for the name from them and if they don’t want me to use something so similar I will gladly change it

“You know this isn’t very evil ofyou?” Lance aka Hailblazer said managing to spray bits of brownieeverywhere since apparently he was only able to talk with his mouthopen. I rolled my eyes and made a mocking talking motion with myhand. He either didn’t see or choose to ignore this as he shoveledyet another baked treat into his mouth. “I mean I guess they couldbe poison but if you would destroy chocolate with poison than youreally are evil and deserve to be known as the villain who broughtdown the amazing Azure Blur,” he said trying to flash a charmingsmile, failing to realize that he had chunks of chocolate in histeeth.

I laughed and actually swallowed myfood before talking. “For one nobody has added ‘the amazing’ toyour name. You can’t just add things to your stage name that would belike a whole rebranding issue that I don’t think you want to dealwith. And I am off the clock tonight. Besides evil is a very strongword. I am just trying to stop actual evil corporations fromdestroying the planet. Sure I may use a lot of lasers and monologuequite a bit, its a nasty habit I should work on actually, but I don’tthink that really makes me evil … do you?” I asked trying to keepthings casual, or as casual as we could get when outfitted in ourbest over the top and brightly colored costumes. But on the inside myheart was going as fast as him at his top speed which would mean animpossible and scientifically unsound speed that should cause it tocombust from the effort.

It was a question I had actually beenpondering for awhile. Between all the banter and strange afterglowwhen he finally foiled my plans and we got to spend time alone as heescorted me to the jail I would eventually break out of I couldn’thelp but wonder what he thought of me. He seemed to trust me to someextent, he had even revealed his secret identity to me when he cameto seek my help when he was mortally wounded. Trusted me enough tonot think twice when I sent him a message to meet me on the roof topof an abandoned building on the outskirts of town. Trusted me enoughto not think twice before eating half a dozen of the brownies I hadmade. Yet he still called me evil, still talked about defeating thevillain and hoping that I would be behind bars for good to the press.It was confusing and I know I wasn’t suppose to care, I was supposeto be so dead set in my own morals and ways that nothing anyone saidshould bother me. But this silly boy with his over gelled hair andhis bad one liners and obnoxiously blue color scheme got to me.

And the longer he made me wait for aresponse the more nervous I felt. He didn’t have to answer, he couldjust drop a pun and run off into the night but I didn’t want him to.I wanted, no needed ananswer. I leaned in closer to him, my gloved hand brushing his fingertips. “Do you think I’m evil?” I asked again but more quiet thistime, a disgusting plead in my voice. I hated the way I was seekingvalidation from him, hated that I knew if he said yes that I would becrushed and so would start the next chapter of my career as someonewho really was evil. This moment was the decisive moment in time thatwould be my back story. I knew this and I despised just how muchpower he had over me.

“Ithink that you are going about things the wrong way,” is what hefinally said slowly, the only time I had ever seen him to anythingslowly. My mind raced trying to figure out what that meant butluckily he wasn’t the kind of hero who shrouded himself in mystery.“I think that the general feelings behind your plans aren’t reallyall that bad, I can see you are trying to help in your own kind ofway but a cool motive doesn’t make it not illegal. And I’ve facedsome truly and purely evil people before … but you aren’t one ofthem,” he finally said with a warm smile. It was the kind that madecolor rise to my cheeks because it wasn’t his signature grin that wasplastered on posters around the city, this was genuine and one Iwanted to selfishly reserve for only myself.

“I’veactually been thinking about rebranding a lot actually because uh Ihave an idea. Its not something I would force on you because you doyou and I’ll only get in the way if you are doing something wrongbuttttttt … what do you think about becoming a hero? I could use apartner in justice,” he said standing up, balancing on the ledge ofthe building and holding out his hand “besides we would totallymake a power couple. But I can’t date a villain its against therules~” he added chuckling but I could see a small line of sweatbuilding on his forehead and a slight twitch in his fingers. Signs Ihad come to learn that meant he was nervous.

Ibeamed up at him and took his hand, using it as leverage to pullmyself up and press close against him where I could see his facerapidly becoming a clashing red to his blue mask. I couldn’t helpbut laugh as he let out a cute nervous chuckle, his voice crackingslightly. “You know maybe a bit of rebranding is just what I need,as long as I have you at my side,” I breathed against his lipsbefore bridging the gap between them and finally kissing the lips Ihad memorized a long time ago. For as long as I had known him I hadalways seen him moving, he could never be still even for a moment andyet for the first time ever he was completely immobile. I thoughtmaybe he had some weird defect in his powers that a kiss would zapthem and I started to panic and pull away. This seemed to bring himback to me though and suddenly his lips were moving against mine andhe was holding me securely against him. I don’t know how long westayed there, the world could have ended and been rebooted twice forall I knew before we finally came up for air.

Ipressed my nose against his own and smiled against his lips “Ididn’t think I would switch sides so easily but for you … for you Iwould do anything.”

#lance #voltron superhero au #voltron imagine #voltron fanfic #legendarydesvender #i love superheros someone please flesh this out with me more

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