i can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye
Fandom: House of the Dragon
Characters: Rhaenyra Targaryen x Daemon Targaryen (Daemyra)
Summary: Daemon has returned – again – after being gone – again – and Rhaenyra just wants to know the truth of his feelings for her.
Word Count: 1.2k
ao3 | ff.net | wattpad
High in the clouds, wind whipping through her hair on Syrax’s back was the only place Rhaenyra could find peace. The corridors of the Red Keep were filled with gossip, and the Small Council meetings were just old men discussing things they would never ask for her input on, so why should she pay attention? Sometimes the only part of her birthright she cared for was Syrax.
She tried to push the thoughts away. It was peace she sought – and that included peace from her own mind.
But it would not stop churning. Today’s vexation was her uncle. He had returned – again – after being gone – again – and she didn’t really want to see him.
Syrax made a happy sound and Rhaenyra turned to see Caraxes coming after them, Daemon on his back. She groaned. The sky was endless; did he need to follow her?
She spurred Syrax on, who seemed to think they were going to play tag as she swooped through the sky, looking back at Caraxes as he followed.
There was a small island ahead, small enough that likely no one lived there, and Rhaenyra directed Syrax toward it. She landed long enough for Rhaenyra to hop off before bounding into the sky again to join Caraxes.
Rhaenyra knew her uncle would follow her, but it did not hurt to have a head start, so she stalked into the trees. The island was smaller than she had realized, however, and she soon found herself on the other end of the island, where Daemon was waiting.
“A lovely day for dragonflight, is it not, princess?” he asked.
“I was hoping for some solitude today, uncle,” Rhaenyra said wearily.
“Troubles on your mind?” he asked. “Your attempted suitors, perhaps?”
“They have been less troublesome since I mentioned I was most fond of written correspondence,” she said.
“And how many letters have you received thus far?”
“I don’t know. They make the most wonderful scraps for the fireplace in my chambers.”
Daemon laughed and Rhaenyra could not deny the spark it sent into her gut. It was a childish infatuation that she had tried in vain to quell. Whenever he left, she was sure she would get over it. But then he would return, and she was back where she began.
“It is good to see you smile,” he said. “I was under the impression that you were cross with me about something.”
Her jaw tightened at the reminder.
He looked at her curiously. “You’re still cross with me, then,” he said.
She hated how well he could interpret her emotions. Sometimes it felt as though he could see right into her mind and read her thoughts like one would read a book.
“I’m not cross,” she said.
“Then what are you?”
She hesitated. “I don’t know.”
“Are you not happy I have returned?”
“You will only leave again.”
“But think of this,” he said. “When I return again, I will bring you another gift.”
“I don’t want your gifts!” she burst out. “I want–” She huffed out a frustrated breath. “I want your honesty.”
“Does this mean anything to you?” she demanded. “Whenever you return you– you bring me gifts and you look at me the way that you do, and you speak to me as though you care about what I think. But then you always leave. And then I have to get used to no one caring again.”
He just looked at her, eyes pained.
“So, please, be honest. What is this?” She gestured between them. “If this is nothing, then tell me, so I can move on.” He looked away. “I do not want to spend my life waiting for you to return and then dreading the day that you leave again.”
When he met her eyes again, he looked almost afraid. Rhaenyra had never seen fear on his face before.
“Uncle, please,” she nearly begged. “Tell me I have been imagining things. Tell me you do not care for me in that way. Tell me–”
“I cannot,” he said.
“Why not?” she asked.
Daemon closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. “Because it would be a lie,” he said softly, looking at her with such openness in his eyes that Rhaenyra felt like the breath had been punched from her lungs. She reached up to touch his face, but he turned away. “We shouldn’t,” he said, then amended. “I shouldn’t.”
Rhaenyra set her jaw. “Why not?” she asked again.
“Your father wouldn’t approve,” he said.
“You and I have both done many things he didn’t approve of,” she countered.
“People would talk.”
She looked around at the empty shore and the vast empty sea. “Who? I think that Syrax and Caraxes will hold their tongues.”
He smiled lightly, then shook his head. “You’re a child.”
“No,” she said. “That’s not fair. You don’t get to play this off as though you’re protecting me. You’re afraid.”
He stepped in close again. “Afraid of what?”
“I don’t know exactly,” she admitted. “But I can see it in your eyes.”
He was breathing heavily now, eyes dropping to her mouth more than once as he looked at her. Finally – finally – he took her face in his hands and kissed her.
In the rare moments that Daemon had allowed himself to think of himself and Rhaenyra coming together, he had wanted a gentle, soft first kiss. This was anything but. This kiss was frantic and breathless; he poured all those months of wanting and frustration into it. He no longer feared that his desire would scare her, now he just wanted her to know it.
Kissing was a lot like dragonriding, Rhaenyra decided. It sent energy coursing through her body like blood, it silenced thoughts of anything else, and made her feel like she was on top of the world. Daemon kissed her with such fervour it was all she could do to keep up.
He had her up against a tree now, hands gripping her waist tightly. It was all so much that it took a moment to sink in, but when it did, Rhaenyra couldn’t help but smile.
Daemon pulled away, a grin playing at his lips as well. “What?”
“You want me,” Rhaenyra said, somewhere between disbelieving and smug.
Daemon’s eyes darkened and he moved in close to whisper in her ear. “I’ve gone nearly mad wanting you, princess,” he murmured. “I dream of you every night and when I leave you, I have to tear myself away.”
Rhaenyra held him close to her. “So don’t leave,” she whispered.
He pulled back again so he could look her in the eye. “I will never leave you again,” he vowed.
Rhaenyra felt more weight lift off her shoulders than she ever knew was there. The enormity of her relief nearly brought tears to her eyes. “If you do,” she said. “I will come on Syrax to hunt you down.”
“I would expect nothing less,” he said and kissed her again.
They coupled in the meadow under the trees as their dragons soared overhead. They splashed in the stream and then let the sun dry their naked bodies, and then coupled again. It was not until night began to fall that they realized how many hours had passed.
As they dressed and called to their dragons, Rhaenyra did not ask what would happen now. Daemon was still married, and he had been right about her father. But all that seemed unimportant now. Those were obstacles they would overcome when they came to them. All that mattered was that Daemon was here, and he was not leaving.
The Book | Steve Harrington
Guess who's still on a Stranger Things kick! If anyone has any Steve stories they like please send them my way!
Pairing: Steve Harrington x reader
Word Count: 3.8k
Synopsis: Christmas, the best time of year to eat sweets, enjoy time with your family, and find out your best friend is in love with you.
(Slightly inspired by More Memories to Make by @hairrington - go check this one out it's great- also small moment inspired by the show Friends)
Warnings: little bit of fluff, friends to lovers, mutual pining
Click here to see my masterlist
Christmas, the most wonderful time of the year. Slay bells ring, snow glistens, and y/n y/l has too many people in her home. She didn’t know why she volunteered to have the holiday party at her house this year, but, here she was, the house was packed with teenagers - plus the few newly-turned adults in their friend group.
She grabbed another tray of cookies from her kitchen. The room was already a mess, dishes stacking up in the sink, sprinkles all over the countertops. But that didn’t stop Robin Buckley, from taking a spoon and scooping up a wad of icing directly from the jar.
“Robin!” y/n explained.
Trying to swallow the icing to speak, she held up her hands. “I’m innocent!” Robin pleaded.
y/n rolled her eyes. “Come on, secret santa is about to start.”
A smile appeared on her friend's face as she walked over to take the cookies into the living room, stealing one for herself in the process. As they entered the grand living space, they saw the other guests light up at the restocking of their deserts.
y/n settled into the couch as she watched the younger kids dive forward for the cookies on the coffee table. Smiling, she felt the couch shift as someone sat down beside her.
“Did I miss the cookie refill?” asked Steve Harrington.
He groaned in frustration. “Damn, your cookies are the best.”
y/n leaned close to his ear for only him to hear. “I may have hid a box of them away for us older kids for when the others go to sleep.”
Watching as his face lit up, he pulled her into a hug. “Yes! You really are the best, y/n.”
She felt her heart flutter at his words. Ever since she saw him back in high school, she felt herself swooning over him. At first, she hated herself for it. She didn’t even know the guy and if she was being honest, he was kind of a jerk.
And then the Upside Down happened and she was dragged along by her best friend, Jonathan Byers. Not too soon after shit started to go down did Steve enter the picture. She saved him from a demogorgon in the Byer’s house and that was the first time they had ever spoken.
y/n knew that from the moment he held out his hand and said, “Thanks for saving my life, I’m Steve Harrington,” her crush was not in vain. His warm smile, the soft shake of his hand…it was hard to stay away from.
She had kept a polite distance, knowing that he went after the girls he liked. If he was going to ask her out, he would have done it by now, so being just friends would have to do. But then those little moments would happen. The glance a second too long, the friendly smile in the hall. One look and y/n would find herself falling for him all over again.
She held in her breath as he continued to hug her, trying her best not to look into his eyes, when Nancy called out to silence the busy room.
“Okay everyone, let’s begin!” Nancy announced sitting down, next to her boyfriend.
Mike was the first to go, opening a new set of Dungeons and Dragons books from Will. He marveled over them, engulfing his friend in a huge hug.
Will got a new set of paints from Lucas who had recently learned of his friend's artistic skills, he was pretty proud of his present.
Lucas was shocked when he unwrapped a brand new basketball from Nancy. He didn’t even know how she knew he played but didn’t question it.
Nancy was next to open, getting a new set of journals from Robin. She smiled at her new writing books, happy since she had told Robin a few weeks prior she was almost out.
Robin was beyond ecstatic when she opened up a pack of language-learning cassette tapes. Dustin had given it to her, hoping that she would wanna learn Russian properly and not through some weird coded messages.
Dustin was also pleased with his gift from Max. As he opened up a new collection of hats, hugging his friend tightly, y/n felt a tug on her own shoulder. She turned to see that Steve had snaked his arm around her, pulling her closer to him.
He didn’t even turn to look at her, staring out at Max who was opening a new skateboard from Eleven. He acted like this was normal, that putting his arm around her was a daily occurrence; it definitely was not.
The more he did these things, the harder it was getting to hide her true feelings. She hadn’t really told anyone about them, even though Jonathan had teased her about it in the past. Trying to forget about it and move on, she slowly untangled herself from him, seeing Eleven open a set of Wonder Woman comics from her older step-brother.
It was the perfect excuse to move away, watching as Jonathan opened his present from her. He smiled as he saw the new rolls of film she had gotten him packaged with some photos of their group she had taken with a disposable camera.
He smiled at her, getting up from his chair with Nancy hugging her. “Thanks, y/n, I love it.”
“Of course,” she said softly as they pulled away.
Quickly a voice sounded from beside her. “Okay, y/n why don’t you open your present?”
She turned with a raised eyebrow to see Steve with his arms crossed staring at them. Sitting back down next to him she grabbed her present. “I take it you got me for secret santa?”
He shrugged as she began to unwrap the present. “Maybe.”
Finally able to get all the wrapping off, she gaped at the present before her. It was a first edition copy of Anne of Green Gables, her favorite book growing up. The binding was fragile as she turned it in her hands, opening the first page gently.
“Oh my god Steve!” she exclaimed, pulling him into a tight hug. She could feel his palm flat against her back. “Thank you so much, this is amazing!”
As they pulled away she could see him try to hide his smile. “It was nothing,” he said, trying to play it off cool.
Smiling she turned back to the book, not even paying attention to Steve opening a can of Farrah Fawcett spray and a fanny pack that said #1 Mom on it from Mike - he really thought it was a clever gift.
For the rest of the party, the book was all she could think about. After finishing the tray of cookies and another round of hot chocolate, after she left the room to go start cleaning the mountain of dishes, she thought about how it must of costed Steve a fortune to get the book.
“Need help?” said a voice. She looked up to see that Steve had already walked over, helping to start drying the dishes she was washing.
She smiled at him as they washed and dried, the debate over what music to play echoing in from the other room. “Thanks again for the gift,” she said. “You really didn’t have to.”
“It was nothing,” he brushed off, picking up another plate. “You used to reread that book every year. I figured it was important to you.”
“It is…” she trailed off, thinking of all the sappy memories from her childhood she had with that book, ones she didn’t need to be remembering at this moment. Changing the subject, she said, “We’re going to have to set up all the mattresses soon.”
He chuckled. “I still can’t believe you’re letting everyone sleep over. There’s like thirteen of us.”
“Ten,” she corrected him. “But still, we never get to have a normal day. I wanted all of us together.”
Looking up from the glass he was drying, Steve gave her a smile, it slowly fading as she watched him notice something from behind her. She turned her head to see Jonathan walking up, grabbing another plate to clean.
“Am I missing the party here?” he asked.
“No, no uh…” Steve stumbled out, putting his glass down. “I’m just gonna go check on everyone…” He gave a weak smile towards her before walking out of the room.
“That was weird,” y/n said, turning back to her dish.
“Hmm I think Steve is jealous,” Jonathan said, nudging her.
“Jealous? Why would he be jealous?” she laughed.
“Because you and I have always been close. And because no matter how close you get we’ll always be closer.”
“That’s stupid, he has nothing to be jealous over. Plus, no offense Jonathan, he could beat you up in a second if he wanted to.”
“I know, I know,” he responded, grabbing another dish to clean. “I think if you just told him he wouldn’t be jealous anymore.”
“Told him what?”
“That you like him.”
y/n set down her dish and stared at him shocked. “I do not like him.”
“You sure do, I saw, even when we were in school together.”
y/n snorted. “In school, I was dating Frank Butcher. Why would I date someone if I liked Steve?”
Jonathan shrugged. “A distraction?”
“Very funny Jonathan, but as I said, I don’t like him."
“Keep telling yourself that y/l. I see the way you look at him.”
“And how do I look at him?”
Jonathan set down his plate too, staring back. “With love.”
She knew her best friend was observant but she also thought she was being discreet. “This is stupid. Come on, we can finish the dishes later.”
Pulling him by the arm, the two teens made their way back into the giant living room. As the kids laughed on the floor, fighting over what record to play, she spotted Steve grabbing his coat.
Her smile faded as she approached him. “Hey, where are you going?”
Looking up at her, he stuttered over his words. “I-I forgot I have to do something before my parents get back in town…I’m sorry I have to go.”
“Wait-” Before she could finish her sentence the door slammed behind him.
She stared in disbelief. Why would he just walk out like that? It was so unlike him. Was he jealous? No, that was stupid. If he was jealous, he would have made it known; Steve wasn’t one to mask his emotions well.
Turning back around, she felt everyone’s eyes on her. “What are you guys doing?” she asked, slightly annoyed. “Put something on.”
Dustin was the first to move, finally selecting a Christmas album. The music filled the room as y/n sat down next to Robin on the couch.
“What was that about?” Robin asked her.
“I have no idea…” she responded.
The two girls sat in silence, watching as Jonathan pulled Nancy to her feet to dance with him. She blushed as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
“They are so annoyingly cute.”
“Tell me about it.”
Lucas was next to stand up, trying to pull Max up with him but she wouldn’t budge. He opted to just sit on the floor with her as they listened to the music. The rest of the kids huddled around them, setting up the new campaign that Mike got.
It was nice, all being together without some threat looming over them. The dancing and laughter, this was what growing up was supposed to feel like. She just wished that Steve had stayed to see it. She did not buy his excuse to leave for a second but could tell there was something going on with him. The boy had been through enough these past few years and y/n knew that letting him sort it out on his own was probably the best option.
The night went on and eventually, the kids helped bring down the mattresses. They all complained, wanting El to use her powers to levitate them down herself but y/n insisted some actual help would do them some good.
As the mattresses were set up for the younger kids and the guest rooms made up for the older kids, they all gathered back into the living room for a movie.
“I think we should watch Ghostbusters,” Dustin exclaimed.
Max groaned, “Dustin we watched that last week, no way.”
“Oh come on!”
“Max is right,” Mike agreed, “Let’s watch Empire Strikes Back instead.”
That launched a whole other debate that had all the kids divided. “Why don’t we just let y/n pick all right? It’s her house!” Will said. “y/n?” Too engrossed in her secret santa present, it took multiple tries to get her to listen.
“What? She finally asked being pulled out of the book. “I don’t care as long as everyone agrees.”
Robin furrowed her eyebrows next to her friend. “That must be some book you got there huh?” she asked.
“An expensive one,” Jonathan added, earning him a slap on the shoulder from Nancy.
“Is it really surprising?” Nancy asked. “Steve’s got money why not spend it?”
“Yeah,” Robing chimed in. “Remember when he fell in love with you, Nance? You told me how he bought you that ridiculously expensive necklace I mean-” The words hit her as she was saying them. “Nothing, I meant nothing, never mind.
y/n felt her brain falter for a moment. “Wait, Robin what did you just say?”
“Nothing! I said nothing!”
She leaned forward towards Robin. “Robin,” she persisted. “What did you just say?”
“I-I” Robin didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t supposed to say that, y/n wasn’t supposed to find out this way.
“Did you say he loves me?”
She looked around the room at all of her friends. They sat quietly, not wanting to make matters worse. It was Jonathan that finally confessed the truth.
“Yes, all right? He’s in love with you. But you clearly love him so what's the big deal?” he said.
“We all knew,” Lucas said quietly. “He forced us not to say anything but if we’re being honest he’s pretty bad at hiding it.”
Max slapped his arm at that. “He wanted to tell you in his own time,” she said.
Jonathan jumped back in. “He told me that he was gonna tell you when he pulled your name for secret santa. I guess he thought you would understand with the book or he chickened out…”
The room was quiet as y/n tried to process what was happening. Why was she talking to them about this and not Steve himself? Without thinking, she stood up abruptly.
“I-I need to leave,” she said, grabbing the book Steve had gotten her and her keys that hung next to the front door.
“It’s your house!” Mike yelled out.
“I’ll be back later, Nancy’s in charge!” she yelled before slamming the door and running to her car.
Steve's house was only about ten minutes away which gave her less time that she had liked to think through it all. Everything about tonight somehow felt more clear with this new knowledge. She now realized how he wrapped her arm around her was definitely not in a friend's only kind of way. It probably made his heart flutter the same way it made hers.
Robin was right too, he did buy expensive things for the ones he loves. She remembered when Nancy showed her that necklace back when they first got together. Then, there was the kitchen “argument”if you could call it that. Maybe Jonathan was right, maybe he was jealous. Even if they did get together, both of them would know that she would always be closer to Jonathan and y/n understands why being reminded of that would make him upset.
But then again, it made her mad. Mad that she had been crushing on him forever only to find out he was doing the same. Why did he treat her differently than the other girls he liked? He would tell them right away, asking them to go on a date but with her? He stayed silent, only for her to find out through her other friends…
Finally, she pulled into his driveway, not even bothering to lock her car as she went up and knocked on his front door. The lights were on inside, and she could see a shadow step over the crack of light that shined from under the door.
Steve opened it, stepping back slightly when he saw her on the other side. “y/n what-” She shoved the book into his chest, not knowing what else to do. He took it, confused. “Did you not like it?”
“No,” she said, crossing her arms. “I like it, that’s the problem.” It was probably too aggressive but she didn’t care, he had to answer for what she had learned.
“I don’t understand-”
“How long have you known?” she interrupted him.
He tilted his head, still not getting what was going on. “Known what?”
“How long have you been in love with me?”
That hit him like a ton of bricks. His mouth fell open slightly as he staggered back until hitting the table that stood in the entrance of his home. y/n moved inside, shutting the door behind her before turning back to him.
“Who told you that?” he asked.
“How long, Steve?” she persisted.
His mouth was still open as he fiddled with the book in his hands. He looked down at it, running a finger along the spine. There was no point in denying now right?
“Since you saved me from that demogorgon in ‘83…” he confessed.
Now it was y/n who was shocked. That was way longer than she was expecting. “Three years, you’ve known for three years?”
“I’m sorry I should have told you but…” he trailed off, trying to take a deep breath to control his breathing. It was getting to him, keeping it a secret for all these years, too long for someone that didn't know.
“You were the first person that ever gave two shits about me,” he continued, “Yeah, I had Nancy but, it was clear from the start she knew I wouldn’t make it past high school graduation. You were the first person that believed in me and pushed me to be better. You make me laugh in ways I didn’t think possible just…how was I not supposed to fall in love with you?”
“You could have told me, Steve. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Yeah, I developed feelings for you but what if you didn’t like me back? What if we dated and then broke up? I wouldn’t just be losing love, I would be losing my best friend…Jonathan try to get me to tell you when I pulled your name for secret santa but, I couldn’t go through with it.”
He looked up at y/n who was staring down at her feet, unable to meet his gaze. It hurt, knowing how much he screwed up but there was no turning back now.
“Are you mad I fell in love with you?” he asked.
y/n shook her head as she lifted her gaze. He could see her eyes begin to water as she held them back.
“No,” she finally said, “I’m not mad because…” she took a deep breath, “I’m mad because I have loved you since the moment I saw you in high school and neither of us had the fucking balls to admit it.”
He froze, not expecting those words to come out of her mouth. Standing up straight, he took a step towards her. “Y-you love me?” She nodded as he took another step, watching him set the book down on the table behind him. “But after we met- in high school. You went out with that guy Frank-”
“Frank was just a distraction,” she interrupted, taking a step towards him until he towered over her. She looked up to meet his eyes. “It’s always been you, Steve.”
She felt as his hands reached up to cup both of her cheeks. His eyes darted back and forth between hers and her lips. He took in a deep breath, one she could feel because of how close they were standing. She let her arms fall around his waist, pulling him closer to her.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” he said softly, their lips almost brushing.
y/n leaned forward more. “I won’t stop you,” she managed to say before crashing her lips to his.
Immediately, her grip on him tightened. He cupped her face with one hand as he dropped the other to wrap around her back. They held each other close as they deepened the kiss, moving their heads in rhythm with each other.
She felt him start to move as they kissed, pulling her up to him. y/n wrapped her legs around his waist, leaning her full weight into him as he carried her into the living room. They didn’t break the kiss once as she felt herself be lowered onto the couch.
They must have got the distance wrong because as she was lowered down, she felt that half her body wasn’t on anything. Before she knew it, Steve came crashing down on top of her before they both rolled off the couch and onto the floor.
She fell onto his chest before rolling over to lay next to him. Trying to catch her breath, she looked up at him. A smile broke out on both of their faces when they made eye contact. y/n couldn’t help but giggle as she saw Steve chuckle, pulling her into him.
She leaned into his side, putting a hand on his chest as they lay on the ground and laughed. Forcing herself to sit up slightly, she leaned forward and planted another kiss on his lips.
This time she was slowly, delicate as their mouths moved together. She could feel his hand reach up and tangle in her hair as she pulled away. He smiled up at her, unsure that all of this had really happened.
“Please come back to the party?” she asked softly.
He pretended to debate it for a moment. “Only if I can tell people you’re my girlfriend,” he retorted.
She smile, leaning back down so her lips once again hovered over his. “That sounds like a fair trade.”
They connected once more for a quick peck that couldn’t have lasted more than three seconds. “And, if I can sleep in your bed tonight.”
y/n laughed, burying her head into his chest. “One step at a time, Harrington.”
“All right, all right. It was worth a shot.”