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diedikind · 19 days

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xie lian character study, part 3 (final)

in the previous two parts we established that xie lian went from naively wanting to save the common people to persisting in his dream even after understanding what it entails.

foolish, but brave.

i do not believe that this phrase is apt to describe xie lian in part 1, for one cannot be brave who has no fear. back then, xie lian has yet to experience "body in abyss" -- he knew no fear. but now he does, and choosing to be kind in a cruel world is one of the bravest things you can do.

"There is only one true heroism in the world: to see the world as it is, and to love it.” — Roman Rolland

this is why chinese fans often say that xie lian doesn't truly ascend until the third time.

but even now, his arc is incomplete (no shit, otherwise tgcf would only consist of the flashbacks), because there are two main aspects missing in his development:

hua cheng

recall the quote from the old postscript "This is a love story, about gentleness, dreams, things never given up, and people never forgotten.”

we can cross off gentleness, dreams, and things never given up off our list. but we haven't discussed love and people never forgotten.

if xie lian survived his time in abyss pretty much all on his own, then where does hua cheng come into play?

2. humility

in part 1 we talked about xie lian's "pride", the superego demand of his personality type that it is his job to save everyone. because that's what gods are supposed to do.

in part 2 he realises that gods are also human, which removes some of that "pride". however, he is still somewhat treating himself differently than he'd treat everyone else by his desired method of saving others, and that is sacrifice. if it is truly the case that everyone's equal, then why is it always xie lian sacrificing himself?

Part 3: on saving oneself, instead

【"But if everyone counts on gods to save them, what are the gods supposed to do? Don't gods get tired?"】

-- Hua Cheng, revised version

we are inherently born with value -- value isn't something that is determined by the well-regard of others or our past; it isn't something to be earned (type 2), proved (type 3), or crafted (type 4) -- but we tend to forget this. the feeling of being worthless is so unbearable that our personality steps in as a substitute.

(xie lian is type 2, if you haven't read the previous parts)

2s unconsciously try to earn:

as long as we identify with our personality, some deeper part of ourselves always goes unaffirmed --

there is always this fear that when all is said and done, we are really worthless and unlovable at our core.

for xie lian, this manifests as:

as well as being frightened that jun wu might "expose" his calamity era to hua cheng during their final battle.

hence, the way that hua cheng supports xie lian in his growth arc, i'd argue, isn't by supplying him with love (because if someone else's love is a prerequisite for you to function then it probably means you haven't truly achieved self-actualisation), but by loving who xie lian is at his core and by having faith in xie lian's character, so as to enable xie lian to love himself.

this is exemplified by two main points:

calling xie lian "your highness" during his calamity era even when xie lian didn't allow it. continuously gifting xie lian white flowers. offering to take revenge for xie lian so as to not dirty xie lian's hands.

"If I could, I would have you use me as your stepping stone, the bridge you take apart after crossing, the bones you need to trample on your climb, the sinner who endures the agony of a million knives. But I know you won’t allow it."

a few years ago, i entertained myself with a thought experiment: what if xie lian genuinely turned into the next white-clothed calamity? will hua cheng abandon him then?

i concluded that the first part of said thought exercise was, in philosophy terms, conceivable, but not possible (do what you will in fanfiction). this is because genuinely turning into the next white-clothed calamity is against xie lian's very nature.

in regards to the second part of the thought exercise, my answer was that hua cheng would just wait ad infinitum. xie lian is the person he would never forget. his love for and faith in xie lian is so unshakable that he is certain that his highness would always return to his true self

-- gentle and kind.

hua cheng is foolish, but brave.

so hua cheng tells xie lian to trust himself, reminds him again and again that he has nothing to do with the crown prince of wuyong, that he is xie lian.

hua cheng makes xie lian promise him not to touch dangerous objects, not to hurt himself, not to sacrifice himself to save others.

in effect, the meaning of the third path has changed throughout these three developmental stages of xie lian's arc.

in part 1, the third path was a phrase uttered out of privilege and naivety. it was "why can't i just give another cup of water?", "i want to save the common people!", "body in abyss, heart in paradise".

in part 2, xie lian never explicitly says any of these things anymore. instead, he embodies his dream by acting with kindness despite a cruel world. but he still sacrifices himself to save others.

in part 3, he realises that if gods are common people too, and my dream is to save the common people, then maybe it's okay if he only saves one person, and maybe it's okay if that person is himself.

if xie lian is met with the trolley problem of having to choose between pulling or not pulling the lever, then part 1 is some whimsical claim such as "just stop the trolley", part 2 is xie lian throwing himself onto the tracks, and part 3 is xie lian confronting the person who kidnapped everyone and forced such a circumstance on them in the first place.

xie lian effectively saves himself by defeating the person who inflicted this abuse on him. and through it all, hua cheng tells xie lian, "you are stronger than him".

thus, pride dissolves completely into humility, and xie lian reaches the highest of development:

paradoxically, by saving himself, xie lian saves everyone else, too. he successfully actualises his dream of saving the common people.

"This is a love story, about gentleness, dreams, things never given up, and people never forgotten.”

this is the story of xie lian.

#xie lian #tgcf #heaven official's blessing

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taylortruther · 6 months

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(im sorry sometimes i just send you long asks about my opinions, but it’s because i feel like even if you disagree or think what im saying is dumb (for the lack of a better word), you would be nice and gentle about it haha. ignore me if you want!)

maybe the way i view celebs is “wrong” but i grew up in india, and i literally learned to never rely on them. they do and say the dumbest things, but no one bats an eye because it’s like “ofc this famous person said and did this.” in the same vein, i don’t rely on her to feel that im making a difference in society by calling her out. as for everyone always talking about expecting better from her, i literally don’t expect anything from her. i obviously recognize that her outreach is so very wide so of course i would love if she did say something and addressed certain things, but i have seen that she will not speak on issues pertaining to other countries and sticks to her lane with 3-5 major things in the US, so why would i expect her to speak about anything else? having followed her for so long, based on past, how could i and why would i? (this sounds unkind i think but i actually mean it in a kind way lmao). her speaking on things would just bring me personal peace that she did her part and that i support a good person, but beyond that, if i actually want change, why would i focus on her at alllll instead of focusing on an actual political figures? that’s time spent doing something that will result in nothing instead of something else (i realize this is extremely ironic because im typing this long ask and spending time on it 💀 i love being a hypocrite i guess)

instead of focusing any of my energy wanting her to do things she probably won’t do, i spend my time actually supporting things i believe in, and constantly having uncomfortable conversations with people around me. and the impact i have is actually very little compared to all that other people do, so instead i spend time feeling guilty about it and thinking what can i do? (that’s kinda a joke but also not a joke at all alkjgdgsj)

also, like im so in terms of how she and i are different. im a poc immigrant, and im extremely privileged in general, but compared to her it’s nothing. she is the biggest star in the world. no way our approach or thinking aligns. i feel like calling her out and constantly thinking about her “wrongs” just makes me feel conflicted about her. i don’t want to align myself with her politically and not because she is a conservative or something but because there are other people who are more sensible to align myself with. and it’s not that i don’t critically think about her, but that im being selfish and affording myself this luxury.

basically, all that word-jargon to say i love her music and i love her as a person and her traits very dearly, and the way she approaches political issues is something i used to be in gripes with but have accepted and come to terms with. and maybe i have cognitive dissonance and im actually blind to how evil she is because im a “cupcake” swiftie, but oh well. i guess i just have no morals then 😭

arshia i completely agree with you and imo this describes my own mentality about it really well. she does not represent me and frankly i do not really want her to try. of course, i wish she'd come out and say some shit like "MONEY FOR WAR BUT NOT FOR CITIZENS? CALL YOUR REPS AND SIT IN IN ALL THEIR OFFICES" fjdkasl but i'm not going to hold my breath. taylor's conscience is her own, i can't control it!

and if someone cannot stomach celebrities at all because of what they represent - FAIR! i turn off that part of my brain to be on here, because this is my fun lil hobby. and i think i am making more of an impact irl than i ever could on here. although, if anyone learns anything about their own politics through my blog, i consider that a win.

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nostalgia-tblr · 7 months

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not to Discourse, but about Sylvie snapping at Mobius:

She was right. She could have said it nicer (well, someone else could have - i adore Sylvie but i wouldn't really say she's consistently 'nice' and there are very obvious reasons for that in her backstory) but it's true, Mobius has been bizarrely chill about so many things this season, to the point where it does seem odd, actually. I think it's easily missed (maybe?) partly because fandom has decided long ago that Mobius is some sort of therapist/social worker who is always calm and so emotionally insightful and his role in fanfic is to be supportive at the more obviously fucked-up characters. But like. He's also fucked up. He's already said that he's avoiding finding out about his old life in case it was good, so it's not like "Mobius won't let himself think about the sad things" is a new idea, is it?

I don't think Sylvie gets why he's like this (or she wouldn't have been so angry, for a start) but those two have spent very little time together (I think we the audience sometimes forget how little) and I know shipwars are inevitable and eternal but the show really does kind of break down into Loki-with-Mobius and Loki-with-Sylvie almost like two parallel worlds that interact less than might be expected. So why does Loki not "stand up for Mobius" there? Well there's the fact that it's true and that Loki was (unlike Sylvie) there when Mobius said he's scared of uncovering his old life so is more likely to connect the dots. And the element of "oh no my faves are fighting! i cannot take sides or at least one of them will hate me! i shall just stand here awkwardly and say nothing!"

I assume Loki and Mobius will talk this stuff over at some point, but in this episode there's not time for any of the several conversations that need to happen (and presumably this is a deliberate writing choice to drag things out a bit keep the tension up) and idk about anyone else but I would find it a bit weird if Sylvie had instead been unusually gentle (for her) and softly asked Mobius if he's feeling okay or does he want to have a chat about anything? Perhaps over a nice cup of tea and some chocolate biscuits? Nah, she's tense, of course she's going to snap. Ideally she wouldn't have done that but *gestures vaguely* what about any of this situation they're all in would you describe as "ideal"?

Maybe she'll apologise in one of the remaining episodes. But if she does he'll say that her observation was right, if not delivered in a way he'd have preferred.

tl;dr - Mobius is fucked up too and Sylvie (who has just in as many words says she thinks being soft makes you weak) is not diplomatic at the best of times, let alone while the multiverse is in the process of collapsing/exploding/whatever-the-fuck-it's-doing.

#loki spoilers #sylvie my precious blorbetta #mobius #also the reason sylvie doesn't have the manners of a (literal) prince is the people mobius just spent however-long working for.#so like. there's a certain sad aptness here i feel.#or maybe the pie really is drugged after all! either works!

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that-bipolar-mood · 5 months

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hey, my therapist thinks i might be bipolar and I’m really scared. it makes sense but it’s not something that I had thought about

I don’t know what to do what if I am bipolar??? im so worried that my friends will see me in a different way and I can’t loose them, I need them there all I have. I don’t know anyone that is bipolar and I have no support groups for bipolar disorder near me the closest one is almost 4 hours away. are people really going to see me so differently? Is being bipolar as bad as it sounds? Would meditation help or make it worse? I know nothing and I’m so worried about what’s going to happen. I know nothing about being bipolar. I’m sorry for the rambling I don’t know what to do, I’m just looking for help here.

-Axel

Hey there, sorry for my rambling, and thanks for stopping by.

Basically, I can assure you that all of us who were diagnosed went through something like this.

It's a long process, not gonna lie, but a good way to start is researching this condition. If you like books, fiction, or nonfiction (though I suggest non-fiction first), a quick google search will give you plenty of suggestions. My fav being Kay Redfield Jamieson, p.h.d. There are also movies, some more realistic than others. Probably among the top three is "Touched with Fire".

Anyway, once you get the basics and perhaps come to the conclusion that your therapist was right, you step on the path towards recovery and acceptance. (Not talking about full recovery since bipolar is a chronic condition)

1. You are still you

I know how deeply profoundly sucky the point of view becomes. You might see life through lenses of this illness, even yourself, your interests, and so on. But the cliché is true: your illness doesn't define you.

2. Acceptance isn't linear

Maybe unconventional, but I found that worrying and thinking about bipolar 24/7 made it worse. Some days I'll feel normal, some days I'll curse the day I was born. I'll mourn the losses I suffered from this illness, but I also will remember that there are is light.

3. This illness is dangerous

So many of us underestimated the consequences( of particularly mania). Depression is well known nowadays, but mania is often romanticised, glorified, and brushed aside. Meds, if prescribed, are your weapon.

4. What happened sucks, but...

Reexamine your life, goals, ambitions, needs, and wants. Even though I refused to accept the diagnosis at first, I still forced the evaluation. Because I felt my life was ruined, I, for the first time, realized what was truly important to strive for. Plus, I got rid of many universal bad habits. But it's okay to take time. Please take time, self care and love are priorities.

5. Let others be

This is probably the hardest part. Some people never tell they are bipolar. But having Carrie Fisher for an inspiration made me stop hiding. Either way, some will leave, and some will stay. It's not your job to educate them, to force their narrow views wide, to in any way lose your energy over their ignorance. BUT. Others will actually try to understand. Your friends, I dare say, will want to help, be there, because you are you, and this is just an illness. Be patient and kind with those. Family is trickier, but in the end, they love you. Remember, when someone leaves, it's their loss. However, in the 21st century, people tend to be more open-minded. I never received a negative comment from my peers. When I "came out," people were kind and gentle, even though I expected them to start throwing stuff at me, literally.

I am certain that you will find your own way of dealing with this load. You will grow and evolve, like a beautiful flower, and this will seem easier, with each step down the road. You can find many successful and happy people with this condition. I personally cannot live without mediation, yoga, my dog, my wonderful friends, and yearly Skam rewatches. These keep me grounded, even when I punch my pillow in frustration, because goddamn universe why me.

Finding your way is therapeutic. the internet offers great advice, people gave great lectures, and you can even find podcasts, specifically about bipolar disorder. But in the end, it's just an illness, yes, a giant part of you, but also the unimportant part. Your thoughts, emotions, interests, desires, and more - this is you - and more. and more. infinite. a whole universe. perfect. While bipolar is merely a dot. And if you two are ever in opposition, my bet will always be on you.

If this is remotely close to an answer, I am glad. If not, my dms are open. Or if I can help in any way, don't hesitate to let me know. With Love,

#ask #answered #bipolar disorder #actuallybipolar #manic depression #actually bipolar #actually mentally ill #manic depressive #actually manic #bipolar mania #bipolar 1 #bipolar 2

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goofysimpleton · 11 months

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Keith Howell

Main Route Chapter 9

~This translation is not 100% accurate. Just here for you fellow impatient friends.

N=Narration

⬛️=whenever the next text showed up

I have the characters address Belle as MC for main character

Italics for flashback scenes

Choices are bold. The 4+/4+ is blue.

Scene 1

N: Keith appeared dashingly in front of the Duke, who cursed him for being unsuccessful, smiling. ⬛️ With cold, beastly sharp eyes.

Bad Keith: “Is it okay if I join the conversation too?”

N: While asking the question, he held me close to hide me from the Duke's gaze. ⬛️ I was far from being relieved due to being heated up by Keith’s body temperature.⬛️ The sight of those sharp, beastly eyes made my body stiffer and stiffer.

Jellal: “K-Keith… What I just said…”

Bad Keith: "There's no need to be frightened. That's what you wanted to say, right?" ⬛️ “I'm a poor prince, but I'm not incompetent, and I'd be happy if you think I'm better.”

(Keith… Are you angry?)

N: Even though he looks kind, the air that caresses my skin feels uncomfortably cold.

Jellal: “As I said earlier, that's what I heard, not my opinion." ⬛️ "There is no such thing as a failure! There is no one who has devoted himself to the country more than you, Keith."

(Wait, he’s blaming it all on someone else.)

N: I unintentionally clenched my fist, and Keith’s big hand gently tapped my back as if to soothe me.

Bad Keith: “Then Mr. Fernand, whom you are supporting, is doing more to the country than I am.”

(Mr. Fernand is the king's younger brother, isn't he?)

N: I remember Rio saying that he was taught by Liam.

Bad Keith: “I wanted to hear what you said earlier.”

Jellal: “That’s…”

N: The Duke’s face was extremely blue and looked so dismayed like he was about to collapse. ⬛️ When the air became so heavy that I hesitated to speak, ⬛️ Just like popping soap bubbles with a snap I heard a gentle laughter.

Keith: “What?”

Jellal: “Eh…”

Keith: "I didn't want her to know I was ugly any more, so you accidentally told a bad joke."

Jellal: “Hahaha… Are you kidding me?”

Keith: “I’m sorry, but…” ⬛️ “Tonight I'm in a good mood to be at the party with her." ⬛️ "If you keep talking like this, I think I'm going to get you into trouble again."

N: Perhaps Keith’s words worked, the Duke ran away.

Keith: “…”

(Keith?)

N: I felt a slight bewilderment from the golden eyes that looked down on me, and I couldn't help but stare back, wanting to know the reason.

Sonia: "Are you going to argue in front of me like this?

(Ah, yes, Sonia is here too!)

Keith: "If you're going to try to talk about me, aim for a time when the two of you are alone. yes!”

Sonia: “MC, look forward to it.”

MC: "Oh, you two, please stop teasing me."

Keith: “We’re not kidding.”

Scene 2

Sonia: “The Duke may be exaggerating, but Keith, you’re pushing your hands too hard." ⬛️ "That's the first time I've seen you like this."

Keith: "I should have rushed in without thinking, trying to settle the situation somehow. I'm sorry."

N: If he lets go of me, Keith will apologize. He lowered his eyebrows in a humble way.

Keith: "MC, I'm sorry I made you feel bad."

MC: "Keith, you have nothing to apologize for."

(Rather, it should be fine to be angry, but even at times like this, Keith worries about the other person.)

N: That's why I couldn't forgive everything the Duke said. To the extent that I want to deny everything he said.

(...But it seems true that some nobles don't like him very much.)

N: The kind gaze towards Keith from earlier cannot leave my head.

Flashback Keith: "Even so, my sister is a very kind girl because she still talks to her 'failed' brother. Really."

(Because the people around him say so, maybe Keith himself thinks he's not good enough.)

N: What if I was in that position? ⬛️ Just thinking about it made me feel like I was stabbed with a sharp object. ⬛️ Words can easily hurt others and yourself. It doesn't matter if there is malice or not.

(No, when I remembered it, I became fuzzy again.) ⬛️ (I need to change my mind.)

Keith: “…”

N: At that time, the relaxed tone of the stringed instruments resounded in the room. ⬛️ The people who were chatting took each other's hands as if invited and began to dance freely.

Keith: “MC, do you want us to dance, too?”

MC: “Eh?”

N: When Keith came in front of me, he held out his hand respectfully.

(With Sariel-san's lessons, I was able to dance reasonably well. But...)

N: When I was hesitant about putting our hands together with a handful of anxiety, Keith bent down and looked into my face.

Keith: “Do you mind if I’m with you?”

MC: “I don’t mind. Just…”

Keith: “Then let’s dance. Come on.”

MC: “Keith!?”

N: With a semi-forced but graceful gesture, he pulls my hand and walks to the center of the hall. ⬛️ And without even having time to get nervous, the dance began.

Keith: “MC, were you hesitant because you are so good at it?”

MC: “I feel that way because of Keith leading.”

N: In no time at all, I was absorbed in dancing with Keith, with a gentle lead that naturally moved my body.

(We’re really dancing.) ⬛️ (Dancing is so much fun.)

Keith: “Having fun?”

MC: “Yes! Very much!”

Keith: “Then let's have some more fun.”

(Woah..!)

N: At the moment when the music reaches its peak, he gently picks me up. ⬛️ As we spin around, my dress spreads out like a blooming flower.

(I feel like I’m the heroine of a story.)

N: Feeling like I was dreaming, my mouth feels like it will burst.

(At that time, I couldn't digest my anger at the Duke's words, and I was in a haze.) ⬛️ (Did Keith notice this and invite me to dance?) ⬛️ (what’s convenient idea.)

N: My heart beat frantically. ⬛️ When I involuntarily lowered my eyes, my waist was pulled closer as if reproaching me.

?Keith?: “Don’t look away.”

Scene 3

N: The forceful words whispered in my ear made my heart beat faster.

?Keith?: “I want you to stare at me until the dance is over. Am I being selfish?"

(That way of saying is cowardly)

N: Raising my head, Keith had a satisfied smile on his lips.

?Keith?: “Yes, just like that. Look only at me.”

N: Somehow, good eyes still felt cold. ⬛️ However, the innocence that wasn't there until a while ago disappears, and I can't turn my eyes away from that imbalance.

(I wonder if Keith is enjoying the dance, too.)

N: That thought made my heart beat faster. ⬛️ I’ll get a drink. ⬛️ Telling MC, Keith leaves the hall without paying attention to the servants. ⬛️ Then, he proceeded through the deserted corridor and entered the room at the back of the mansion without hesitation.

Bad Keith: “Isn't it great that you came before your master? Shall I stroke your head?"

N: As if reacting to Keith's words, a black-haired man in a tailcoat turned around.

Liam: “This disgusts me.”

N: Liam grimaced at the fact that he wasn't his usual gentle master, ⬛️ He tossed something wrapped in medicine wrapping paper from his breast pocket, Keith caught it without difficulty.

Liam: “You only think of really barbaric ways."

Bad Keith: “It’s barbaric, but quick. On top of that, it's easy to influence him." ⬛️ "…There are other reasons, too."

Liam: “…”

Bad Keith: “Don’t stare at me. You knew this too, so you honestly prepared like this, didn’t you?”

N: Flutter what you receive in front of you.

Bad Keith: “He’s surprisingly stubborn.” ⬛️ “It's quite possible that this time, too, it will end in just a few days. But..." ⬛️ "He seems to like MC, so it looks promising."

Liam: “I’m sure you like her, too.”

N: To Liam's words, Keith obediently bowed shook vertically. ⬛️ The color of pleasure is clearly blurred on the face.

Bad Keith: “It's obvious. Well, I don't care about this." ⬛️ “It's funny how her emotions and thoughts are both straightforward, and her reactions are fresh one by one." ⬛️ "It's worth bullying, but it's worth it. It's cute, isn't it?" ⬛️ "Well, what I like the most is that she doesn't show a single disgusted face even when she's dealing with a failure.”

N: Keith put what he had received in his pocket and walked towards the door saying he was done with it.

Liam: “Can I ask you one thing?”

Bad Keith: “Hm?”

Liam: “Aren’t ‘you’ going to disappear?”

N: After a short silence, Keith shrugged and sneered.

Bad Keith: “Impossible.” ⬛️ "I want to see him, I don't want it"

N: Keith leaves the room and walks down the corridor leading to the hall. ⬛️ There is no emotion in his eyes.

Bad Keith: “…” ⬛️ “…That’s ridiculous.”

Scene 4

(The stars are some of the brightest stars in the sky tonight...)

N: I put my hand on the railing and look up at the night sky colored with countless stars.

(Before, I read a story about constellations.) ⬛️ (If I remember correctly, the constellation Cassiopeia was formed by connecting five stars in the shape of a W.)

N: When I traced the night sky with my finger, the constellation Cassiopeia, which had not been visible before, emerged.

MC: “And the one nearby is Ursa Minor…”

(Wait, what shape was it?)

N: As I was flipping through the pages of my memories, a familiar big hand reached out from behind me.

Keith: “The minor constellation is on the left.”

N: His hand wraps around my hand that points to the night sky, and points it to the left side of the constellation Cassiopeia.

MC: “Keith…”

Keith: “Sorry to keep you waiting.”⬛️ “MC, do you like constellations?”

MC: “I don’t know enough to be in the category of my favorite, but it reminds me of a book I read before." ⬛️ “Do you like them, Keith?”

Keith: "Enough to say that astronomical observation is a hobby."

(Wow, I didn’t know that.)

Keith: "It was Ursa Minor. The place I'm pointing at is the shape..."

N: After a few seconds of thinking about what to say, Keith moved my hand as if drawing a picture in the air.

Keith: “It’s shaped like a spoon.”

CHOICES:

-Not a high mountain?

-Did you just draw the...spoon?

-sorry please repeat

MC: “Did you draw the...spoon just now?"

Keith: “…Didn’t you see it?”

MC: "I thought you drew a mountain."

(It was a mountain with a high altitude.) ⬛️ (Even so, the way to convey is not words, but drawing a picture in the air,) ⬛️ (Maybe I really felt the gap because I was giving a polite explanation to the pharmacists.) ⬛️ (…) ⬛️ (Spoon, huh.)

N: Laughter slowly welled up, and although I was in a hurry to endure it, it was already too late. ⬛️ The Keith’s face, who was standing next to me, looked a little sulky.

Keith: “Was the explanation that bad?”

MC: “No, I thought it was a bold form, not a bad one... Fufu, I'm sorry."

Keith: “You seem to say things.” ⬛️ “Then can you find Ursa Minor with the bold form I just taught you?"

N: I looked up at the night sky again, and superimposed the shape that Keith-sama taught me on the night sky.

MC: “I found it!” ⬛️ "This is the 6 stars connected from the bright star over there to the upper right. It's Ursa."

Keith: “Correct. Well done.”

MC: “Thank you for teaching me, Keith.”

Keith: "Then, I want to draw and teach other constellations like before." ⬛️ “Maybe you’ll laugh again.” ⬛️ “I want you to feel glad that you came to the party, and that you made good memories.”

Scene 5

(After all, it's kindness that makes me uneasy)

N: The Duke's words, which I had almost forgotten, began to occupy my mind, ⬛️ I feel like I'm worthless because I've been receiving kindness all the time and haven't lost anything.

MC: “Keith..?”

N: Tap...... Keith’s fingertips touched my eyebrows.

Keith: “It's wrinkled. Didn't you like the Duke's words that much?"

MC: “Yeah, I didn’t like it at all.”

Keith: “…” ⬛️ “Ahaha, I didn't expect you to answer so honestly." ⬛️ "I thought you would have said it in a kinder way."

MC: “It felt so unforgivable that I didn’t want to put it into softer words.”

Keith: “Heh…” ⬛️ "I'm happy about your words, but in fact the Duke said, 'There is no lie in the words.'” ⬛️ “The word ‘Failure’ suits me.”

MC: “There is no such thing as a failure in this world.” ⬛️ "If there is, it is everyone in this world."

N: When I answered clearly, Keith narrowed his eyes with interest.

Keith: "For example, let's say there was a person who was never supposed to be born." ⬛️ “Can you say the same thing about that person?”

(who was never supposed to be born?)

N: I don't know why Keith-sama asked that question, but his answer didn't change.

MC: “Yes, of course. That person is not a failure either." ⬛️ "He's a normal human just like me."

Keith: "A normal human like you..." ⬛️ “…I want to experience that.”

MC: “? What do you…” ⬛️ “Wahh!?”

Keith: “Ahaha, What a lovely voice.”

(Wh-Wha….)

N: When I checked the cold thing that touched my cheek, it was a glass filled with a pale pink drink. ⬛️ It smells of roses and faintly of alcohol.

Keith: “Revenge for teasing my art sense.”

MC: “You’re kidding!?”

Keith: “I know. Just kidding.” ⬛️ “Somehow, when I'm by your side, I feel like I can gain confidence in my timid self." ⬛️ “You’re amazing.”

MC: “What…”

(Why? I should be happy...)

Flashback Keith: “I'm not the kind of person to worry about. I can't do anything, and I'm fine and do terrible things." ⬛️ “And I still laugh like this.” ⬛️ "That's why you shouldn't believe me either."

(Because I was given a completely opposite response from that time, I wonder if it feels inconsistent.)

N: Returning to myself, I hurriedly shake off the discomfort.

(It's strange to doubt Keith, even if it's just a little more positive.) ⬛️ (And... it's not like you didn't give me anything.)

N: It's a small amount compared to the kindness I’ve received, ⬛️ Keith’s feelings turned positive, causing my heart to gradually became warm.

Keith: “I chose a low-alcohol drink, is that okay?”

MC: “Yes, thank you.”

N: I took the glass. ⬛️ Perhaps Keith chose the same thing, the pale pink liquor shone like a jewel from the light leaking from the hall. ⬛️ I tilt the glass I received and take a sip.

MC: “Mm, it’s sweet and delicious.”

Keith: “…Yes, that’s good.”

N: Keith narrowed his eyes at my words…⬛️ Slowly and imperceptibly, my consciousness was covered with a thick darkness.

Synopsis of episode 10

I haven't been able to meet Keith since the day of the party, and my heart feels restless. Completely unaware that I’ve made a grave mistake...

"Whoever hurts seems to have gotten used to it."

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yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit · 17 days

Text

The great regular sleep experiment 2024 part "haunted"

So, I slept from 10:30 ish am to 2 ish pm... I laid there a while trying to sleep more before giving up and checking the clock and seeing 2:45, The length of time I was laying there felt like an hour or two, so I am assuming I slept till 2, probably, but hat might be generous.

In general I seem cursed to sleeping 6 hours per day or less.

The other really annoying thing is that the last time I was this sleep deprived and this stuck on a firm schedule, I was in my early 20's, working at a call center and living with the guy I refer to as my ex husband.

... Which means I keep having dreams that we're reconnecting and having conversations about maybe getting back together and I DO NOT care for it.

That was the one relationship I had were I was never harassed for sex when I didn't want it, and didn't have to deal with little tantrums or displays when I didn't feel like being affectionate or visiting, and don't get me wrong, he's -overall- genuinely a sweet guy.

But I always got the distinct sense that he didn't even like me as a person, and was just there so I would support him and he could avoid his abusive grandmother and uncle. I tried to talk to him about things and take him at his word, but he always seemed so depressed and shut down in a way that read as guilt or shame to me. He never seemed to enjoy talking to me, or spending time with me, and he certainly didn't want sex, at least with me, even by my standards which is to occasionally entertain it as a thing you can do with someone that feels good if you're both in the mood.

I always, once I stopped believing what he was telling me about how he felt, wrote him off as not meaning to take advantage of me, and as feeling really guilty about it, to the point of being paralyzed and kind of stuck, or not even conscious of it... Which is why I broke up with him even when that meant losing my home, which was a one bedroom apartment with 525$ inclusive rent [curses T~T]...

But the thing is, I keep becoming aware in the dreams, stuck as a part of my psyche that has been dormant a long time when I am awake, someone who doesn't remember everything that happened since high school and 'her' early 20s. I keep becoming aware of myself as I am now and starting to ask the uncomfortable questions that come up whenever I look back on everything from my perspective now.

I would have a very hard time -these days- watching someone lie daily about wanting to be in a relationship with me, only to act miserable, avoid me, criticize me constantly, shut down in most conversations with me, act so miserable around me but so happy around everyone else that all our mutual friends assume I must be doing something to upset him, and who just lets his family shit-talk me to my face about being 'lazy' without saying anything to defend the fact that I work 10 hour shifts to support him while he sits at home and plays games all day... I would have a hard time watching that and not seeing it as being done -to some significant degree- on purpose, or at least while consciously aware that's what he was doing. Maybe I'm just a suspicious person now, or maybe it's the experience of people talking.

And I cannot stress enough that I never "nagged" him. I didn't express anything unreasonable like a guilt trip. I was on eggshells trying to be careful how I brought up him video-gaming all day and doing nothing to clean up or pitch in while I worked a full time high stress job. I always put things as gently as possible, tried and failed to set boundaries, made occasional, calm and conversational requests that he at least keep the house clean or learn to cook, or at least go back to high school before he couldn't anymore, if he wasn't going to get a job. If he could tell I was upset and that he was unfairly burdening me when he didn't have to, or that it was destroying my health, those were his own observations and judgements. I was WAY too gentle with him. I felt bad asking him for anything at the time, too much so to try to demand he stand up to unfair accusations about me and actually tell people I was footing all the work/chores and financial burden of two people.

It wasn't until about 3 years in when I seemed ready to kick him out that he went back to school and made local friends.

And that's when I started to see it. I started to understand why our mutual friends thought I was "hen pecking" him or maybe being verbally abusive in private? He'd go back to his old cheery but shy self around other people. He'd bring a friend from school to visit once and they'd be nice to my face but avoid me forevermore. He'd hang out with me and my old girlfriend and even though they both regularly shamed me for things like speaking too loudly in public... They'd get distracted and caught up and start loudly play fighting around the food court in the mall. They were BOTH only afraid of attracting the attention of strangers when they were being seen with me.

If I had my life experiences as of now, back then, and having lived with fine and GB myself [who coincidentally were his two friends from school, even though GB tried to lie to me about it and "bunny" we'll call him, wouldn't dignify my messages with an answer to confirm... and I swear I couldn't have known it was them it was their other two roommates who interviewed me and got me in there]... As of today -if I had to take a shot in the dark- I'd say he was cheating on me with Fine at the time, or at least that part of her bitchy animosity towards me, despite claiming to want to be my friend, has to do with my ex-husband being her type entirely and him not -quite- cheating on me. Or maybe guilt and a sense of obligation to make nice because he did.

If he had've just answered my message and told me honestly what his relationship was like with these two, about 6 years ago, long after he was out of my life and theirs, or that GB was the guy who was a complete bitch to me the whole time out of jealousy over Bunny 'getting to date someone like [me]' [by his own admission, look I'm face-blind okay?]... He could have saved me so much fucking trouble. I would have known I couldn't trust Fine to be honest with me about anything from the start [and that she'd start taking attached men home to fuck all the time], and GB never would have raped me, and I never would have been in the position I was in when the plague hit or when we got evicted.

But any time I had asked ANY of them about what was going on back then, they all just clam up and get avoidant or lie [tic tacs too if she ever knew him, which seems likely because she's been friends with the other two since gradeschool, absolutely would not admit to knowing anything about the situation even while cozy-ing up to me], so I am probably never going to get answers about any of it.

Unless my ex has the decency to fucking answer me and be honest about it all. That's the only way I get closure on just how badly the other three lied to and manipulated me. Or any of them. IG if any of the 4 come forward I have my answers about the other 3.

...So in the dream I do what I would do now, once I become aware as one of my current selves, or a sum of them, I ask him shit like whether he was cheating one me, ect...

And in the dreams he says 'no' but I can tell he's lying, at least in the dreams, I can parse what part of his responses are genuine and which ones are an act to cover some deep shame or guilt. And all in all it seems a little more clear that he was more conscious of what he was doing than I had ever given him credit for. Maybe that's my being cynical now.

But these are just dreams, they are never going to be a reliable account and they are never going to give me real closure.

So in effect, every other night or so I am just wasting about 3 hours of sleep talking to someone I don't even want to be talking to, trying to get answers that will never mean anything. I don't want to be doing that.

I want to be building a consistent dream relationship with someone I LIKE and can TRUST

The other half of the time I dream about being friends with youtubers because their faces and voice are the only ones familiar to me and -at least physiologically- I am desperately lonely. My nervous system knows I need human contact and is trying to invent it for me. Which is leading to the other most socially awkward dreams I could possibly have. I need to feed my brain what Piccolo dbz would look and sound like irl, and not animated, so my brain can attach to him, or my imaginary girlfriend instead. The youtubers thing is very para-social, it's always someone new, so no weird fixations, but I'm not sure it's healthy compared to alternatives... Better than my exs and ex friends though fr.

I have finally regressed through most of my shitty ex's to finally be unpacking the fact that I want to demand fucking answers from my ex husband... Which I ALREADY KNEW... I didn't fucking need my dreams to tell me that! I have messaged him at least twice begging him to just tell me who's lying to me... Which I hope means I'll never dream about the others again. But I still do not care for it and I want it to stop. That was shoved in a box because there's nothing I can reasonable DO about it. The ball is NOT in my court.

Send THEM dreams compelling them to be honest with ME ffs... [please]

Maybe if I reach out to him for answers I could make the dreams go away, but the last time I sent him a message asking for some clarification, he just never answered me.

These people have been haunting my life since my first apartment and I want them excised. I want closure on how full of bullshit they all were so I can improve my ability to read people socially -with feedback- in a way that seems essential to keeping myself safe from ending up in the same shitty situations on repeat... So I can get my unconscious mind to let got of that mystery and let me fucking sleep.

I also want fucking closure from my family and am -also- not getting that. I want closure from my ex girlfriend and I am not getting that.

I only ever wanted honesty so I could make my own informed choices.

So I would rather it not drag up dead versions of me and make me relive these times every night when I am trying to sleep more than 3 hours.

... Also had a dream with a haunted doll, unrelated, that had to do with men showing up in my living space and a woman forcing me to justify why I should keep getting to live there... Can't say I cared for that either... The haunted doll was good though, she was helping me prevent children committing suicide, so... The literal hunted doll was not the problem... Best part of the dreams really, other than being friends with Sabrina and Abigail of youtube [we were discussing their recent unemployment???].

Anyway, my point being, by putting myself back into the same sleep deprived state of my 20's I have ended up slamming part of my brain back into those memories, only instead of getting that part of my psyche back, she's still dead, and now I am haunted by endless social betrayal when I am trying to fuggen sleep.

And I don't know how to fix it.

Because at this point I can't sleep outside the sleep times if I try, no matter how sore and exhausted, and no matter how much I desperately need more than 6 hours.

I could never had predicted this experiment would go this badly. I had though that -at worst- I just wouldn't be able to stay awake to maintain the schedule.

I never should have started this.

I knew this was bad road.

I just didn't know how bad.

If I could sleep an extra 2-4 hours daily and not dream about people who aren't in my life anymore for a fucking reason... This would be fine. Successful even.

The problem is that regular sleep for me is this double edged blade.

I also think I forgot to mention trying to find a phosphorus supplement at walloworld, but they didn't seem to have any and I am still pretty sure coke is cheaper and that one can of coke on most days can't possibly have enough phosphorus in it to overdose.

Unfortunately, the atp theory panning out, in practice [still unconfirmed with blood work or anything but getting results??], for me means only that I am unusually productive for someone this sleep deprived and that is NOT A GOOD THING, I fear, because I keep injuring myself.

It's a lot like being VERY drunk but having so much more energy than I should for someone this sore, uncoordinated, and drunk... Not a great combo. Bad road.

At least my dishes are done and I keep feeding myself?

The cuts bruises, pulled muscles, and missing skin sure hurt a lot though...

#the great regular sleep experiment of 2024 #answer me bitch

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loveyourlovelysoul · 4 months

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Hello. How are you doing?

Can i ask for some advice? What should i do when my friend(s) ignore me or give me silent treatment? I used to react but now I've stopped doing that, it's always me who apologize not her. It has happened in my previous friend group too and they only used me and bullied me later due to my gentle, overcaring and silent nature. It's heart wretching tbh.

Hey :)

It really is, and I am so very sorry you had/have to go through such a tough situation. At times gentle caring people like you tend to give a lot to others (also in fear of being betrayed and abandoned), and because of this they often encounter people who rather continuosly take from them; and honestly takers rarely know when to stop. This is why it's important to build up boundaries, to remind ourselves we're not responsible of making their life better at any cost nor we need to do this much to be accepted.

I don't know the background stories so take all I am going to say with a grain of salt.

My suggestion is trying to focus on you first. Since you had that terrible experience with your past group, it could be that being ignored and "ghosted" brings up lot of issues inside of you, connected to how you were used and abused by those people (and maybe even further in your past, Idk). it could be of help for example to try and check within what you make this silent treatment and being ignored mean about you. Not just the possible consequences that experiencing these behaviours may make you worry about but also what they mean about your persona according to you (eg. this person ignores me -> I probably said something wrong, they're tired of me, they are using me cause I'm too gentle, they have found more interesting people than me, they'll bully me/leave me + I'm bad, wrong, not worthy or lovable, I won't have good friends ever, I will be alone...). Be kind and gentle with yourself in the process, do not give your gentleness away only on the outside. You need it first. And it's so precious, never lose it please. This is tough stuff, so don't be afraid to ask for help and support. (I'll come back to this and your "silent nature" later on).

Another advice I want to give you is to try to build up your self defense. And by this I mean healthy emotional boundaries: try to not let your emotions and thoughts be defined by those of your friends, by how they treat you and how much they respond to you and all. Separate yourself from them. Especially separate your self worth and lovability from them. You are worthy and lovable whether they ignore you or not. If you really need to, when you feel like you are being ignored you can consider the possible options for why you are being ignored (eg. maybe something else is going on with them? maybe since it's not an urgent answer they decided to answer me later? maybe they forgot to answer me?... -it depends also on the situations in which you are being ignored or you are feeling ignored: not saying your feelings are not valid at all, but at times negative past experiences can make us more easily anxious and coming to fast conclusions, so it's also worth to see if we're being objective or not. Please though, don't let others manipulate your thoughts about this: if they're ignoring you, they are and this is why it's important to stay as objective as we can). Just try to not stress over these reasons though or they will only make it worse: even if there's none, still focus back on you and try to stay balanced and not overthink about the possible consequences. Stay present. Your worth is never defined by your friends. Especially by those who cannot help you when you need.

If it's someone you feel a connection with, try to communicate with them about yourself and your feelings, your insecurities too. You wrote that you're generally silent, but maybe you can find a person in a group with whom you can try to connect more deeply (if it's reciprocal) and you can share more with them, ask questions, be talkative.... You can also express your feelings when you are being/feeling ignored by saying something like "Since I had *this past negative/abusive experience* with those people, I feel uncomfortable when you don't answer me or ignore me cause it makes me feel like I did something wrong to you. Can you please help me and tell me if I actually did that or you simply need some time for yourself/have other plans for the time being?" Same goes for the silent treatment: "I'm sorry but right now I don't understand why you're not considering me. Can you please explain to me what I did wrong?". (If you fear being judged when saying this, I ofc understand you but remember that people judge others in fear of being judged themselves, so it's never about you even if it seems so. Relationships need to be safe places for everyone involved imo or they're just useless).

As you start speaking up about your issues like this, try to work on what makes you so uncomfortable like, eg. the fear of being abandoned/judged, possible social anxiety(?)/shiness, not feeling enough to have friends and ending up alone... Which is not the case, please trust me. You will have great relationships also cause of your character (just try to balance it a bit more: eg. "overcaring" can be a bit too much, you can try to be just "caring" of others and use the "over" part for you); take your time to work on yourself, especially protecting yourself. Don't be scared of expressing yourself, your likes and dislikes... this may help you discourage those who may think they can take control of you, manipulate you or even make fun of you cause of your laid-back nature.

It's already far too long so I won't say anything else. Wish you all the best, take care of you<3

#asks #self love #self care #abandonment tw #self worth

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doodlesandbooks · 6 months

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Hi talk to me about Alear! (you can use the character ask thing if you'd like!)

Thank you for asking me!!! I can gush about her for hours I love the her so much!!!!!

First impression:

Nintendo Switch controllers protagonist looks like fun! I watched my friend do a play through as M!Alear first, so I chose F!Alear, and I am so so glad that I did. She is the first female protagonist that I don't feel weird playing, I feel so much more comfortable as a woman now, if that makes sense? There are so few brilliant female protagonists in stuff that I've seen, and so few that are soft and sweet as well as competent, I have fallen in love with this blorbo

Impression now:

I cannot express how much I love the her. (well I can, but mostly it would be through happy stimming which is hard to type!) she is so bright and colourful and it makes me happy, she is so kind and gentle, but strong and competent, so compassionate, and yet confused and not at all street smart, confused and smoll and lovely and I love her and I love her.

Favorite moment:

All of them, but I really liked 'I want to be a good dragon', and I really like every support with her, and I liked the bit at the Gradlon temple with corrupted -spoilers- where she holds them in her arms and then has new resolve and is a badass, and the bit where she becomes a blue raspberry Alear, and the bit where she meets Veyle for the first time, and, I could go on and on!

Idea for a story:

(An excuse for dragon Alear) She needs to defeat the dragons of the east who are trying to take over Elios, and she rescues damsel in distress Alfred, and she becomes a dragon by asking the emblems to heal her dragon stone whilst falling through the air, through cloud, weathering with you style! Or a sweet flower shop AU where past Alear is recovering with Lumera and meets a someone running a flower shop and it follows her recovery and romance. Or a Zombie AU where she was one of Sombron's children who helped to make the Zombifiying stuff, and after years with nothing happening on that front, and she's recovered and living a fluffy domestic life, she and friends have to defeat the zombies (corrupted)!

Unpopular opinion: I love her hair!! it is so cute and bright and happy and long!

Favorite relationship:

Alfred, I am a simp-

Lumera, I am a simp for familial love

Veyle, I love them being sweet together and healing, and they would sit together in pillow forts with stuffed animals and sommie!

Favorite headcanon:

When she's really stressed, she sometimes sort of regresses in speech patterns and thinking to how she used to be as past Alear. I came up with this idea because Laura Stahl has this particular inflection and tone when she is upset Alear, which is how she talked all the time as past Alear.

(Also eventually after lots of therapy unpicking trauma, she does regain all her memories, but it takes a long time)

Also, the Alears were fell dragon twins so depending on what you pick, one of them dies at some point, so in a modern AU they could be long lost estranged twins!

#Alear #I love her #Fire emblem engage #character asks #fe 17 #engage #f!Alear

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itlivesproject · 1 year

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OKAY WOO CHAPTER 22 RUNDOWN LETS GO

(another VERY VERY long thought dump, apologies in advance for how much i talk in this one😭)

LOHA GAVE US THE DOCUMENTS⁉️

as someone on the blood path rather than shadow i am so STRESSED

LITTLE AMALIA

abel being part of the family🥹

she’s gotta stop throwing us into the void like this

this music is beautiful though

so uhhhh loha just asked ro to give herself back to the power…… please do not do this to me i will not emotionally recover

“you will shed this mortal shell and lose the identity you gained as rowan burke. you will be forever separated from your friends. you will lose the man you love.” yup ok i’m already crying

ro is not dying. i am too attached to the humanity that she has grown AND THINK ABOUT ABEL. HE CANNOT LOSE SOMEONE ELSE HE LOVES YOU CRUEL PEOPLE

this isn’t my purpose. i will find another way.

how the hell did abel’s family get their hands on an amulet that just so happens to be endowed with the power of spirits

THE SUDDEN MUSIC CHANGE JUMPSCARED ME😭

ghost rowan :( my baby :(

yet again, why am i so overwhelmed before the intro sequence even plays

i had to get my emotional support hot water bottle (we are READY)

ghost rowan has me cryin i feel sorry for her :(

THE WAY SHE SPEAKS ABOUT ABEL got me giggling through my tears

oh PISS OFF GERTRUDE

god damn you really like to make my life difficult, i know i want to keep rowan’s humanity but making the choice between reuniting with human rowan or just staying as she is took me SO LONG (i chose to merge with human rowan, but i’ll definitely play the other ending too after tomorrow!)

i am frightened

YOU’RE SHOWING ME ANNIE AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

this music is beautiful too !!!! you guys outdid yourself

“promise me you’ll try to be happy” i hope you can hear me sobbing

“you close your eyes and remember all the things you love […] you think about abel” BDJWJSJXHDH I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT HIM

HER EYES!! THEY’RE NORMAL !!!!

“Affection, fondness, late nights, early mornings. Anger, sorrow, petty squabbles, explosive fights. The pain of losing, the joy of living. Everything that makes Sadie, you remember and you feel.” this kinda shit gets me EVERY TIME i love gentle reminders of what makes us human (i’m just a very emotional person ok)

oh god does this mean we don’t have powers anymore? i am so scared of her dying PLEASE SHE CANNOT DIE

well then.

MATTHIAS GET OUT OF HERE YOU GERIATRIC WORM

the lore docs coming in useful with an extra scene💪

WE SAW HUMAN REDFIELD?? why is he kinda..

oh matthias you dirty little actor, oscar winning performance you dickhead

“Over your long life, you've learned that men are as predictable as the tides. Eager to believe they're special and different, even when they're nothing more than ordinary.” ilw said man hating rights! matthias dissing men as if he isn’t a man himself ????

YOUNG CORA??????? she is beautiful

GHOST REDFIELD ORIGIN REVEAL AND THE THEME MUSIC KICKS IN?? CHILLS.

OH MY GOD THIS IS SO COOL I AM GRINNING FROM EAR TO EAR

LUIS?????? LITERALLY THE LAST PERSON I EXPECTED TO TURN UP

NOT THE DADDY CONVERSATION????

luis i love you

everything he says is pure comedy gold

HE FLIPPED HIM OFF? this is amazing

HELL YEAH MATTHIAS GET ANCHORED YOU OLD AGE PENSIONER

this music is EPIC

“rowan?” “yeah?” “go get the bastard” HELL YEAH

i seriously cannot get over this music it is insane i’m literally just sitting here jamming to it i’m too hyped to focus

NOT LINCOLN HITTING RATTY MATTY WITH “you think mom would’ve wanted this?” EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATE THE BASTARD HELL YEAH

“It's a good thing she's not alive to see the kind of person you've become. It would've broken her heart.” holy shit man, linky you’re gonna make me cry and then who’s gonna win this fight?

“I will not kill Matthias McQuoid. I pass his judgment over to the Power, to the force he used and abused for centuries.” ok i am in tears i am just very emotional that this whole thing is ending

THE MATTHIAS CG - YOUR TALENT BLOWS ME AWAY EVERY TIME

update: upon catching up on the discord i am so glad i didn’t choose the shadow route because i am cryin a whole lot and i just know that if i played it in my own game with my own mc and her abel romance i would actually be SOBBING

OKAY!! i won’t keep you any longer, but wow the music this chapter was incredible, especially the final fight music SOMEONE INJECT THAT SONG INTO MY VEINS BECAUSE WOW i can’t express just how much i loved it, definitely perfect for that fight

-abel simp anon 💓💓💓💓

this is soooo late, i'm so sorry dear 😅 But EVERYONE should read this and enjoy dear abel simp anon's ch 22 reaction post 🙏

#ask #anon #mod win #abel simp anon #ilw spoilers

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resmarted · 3 months

Text

thank you to anyone reaching out and (assumingly) checking on me. i cannot open any msgs at this time in an effort to preserve my sanity but i suspect these are gentle nudges of concern and i appreciate the sentiment. i am not ready to fully discuss any of what i have been going through despite feeling incredibly alone in this process and currently incapable of trusting anyone for the time being. i know how i sound and i know what it looks like and cannot deal with the inevitable gaslighting responses or the fragile handling of me like i might break, especially bc i just might. i have lived an incredibly painful life and have managed to overcome all of it time and time again, and this is just another, slightly meatier portion of that process. i have been deeply betrayed by the people closest to me and cannot find the words to express what it has done to me to uncover disturbingly dark truths about the people i once considered my family. it is such a delicate subject full of mysticism and things i know people will want to easily debunk or write off, and mostly it does not matter if you or i believe any of it is real. you don't have to believe in whether or not something will actually work to accept that someone will try it regardless just in case it does. you don't have to believe in god or the devil to know that people will do all sorts of things to worship and honor their beloved deities, for better or for worse. religious ritual abuse is actually quite common in many forms and i am not in the mood to try and explain any of this to someone who may look at me like i've gone off the deep end when it is well documented what kind of family i come from and the types of spellwork my mom publicly does for a living. and even if this were some sort of mental break (who knows! i'm open to all possibilities!) i would still need to process this as well before returning to talk about it to anyone. there have been multiple break ins in my home recently, among many other disturbing occurences, and i cannot fathom anyone in my position being able to handle it as well as i have been. honestly i'm surprisingly calm for the most part, the posts written from flashes of rage are more than justified, and eventually i will have collected my thoughts in a manner to really break down everything into digestible pieces. i read something recently that said no one would have believed gypsy rose if she had told authorities or anyone that knew her, and they're right. it's too heinous sounding and easier to believe the best in people or the facade they curate for the outside world, espscially someone who makes a career out of being a martyr with a sick child. no one in this world praised her more than me. i don't want her dead, i want her held publicly accountable. the majority of spellwork she offers involves scamming the justice system, which she has prided herself on successfully achieving time and time again. i think it's time the scales balance out once and for all. if you never hear from me again, please know it is not personal. i wish to disconnect from this version of my life and everything associated with it, as none of it is real and never has been. thank you again for any support, silent or otherwise.

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gambarimasu · 2 years

Text

So... I ended up changing my preferences to both men and women. I went on four dates in total: 3 with men and 1 with a woman. Can you guess which one led to another date? Yah, the woman. I’ve been seeing her for about a month now and I think it’s starting to get a little serious. To be honest with you, I am scared.

How can you separate attention from attraction? I have never understood it. I can’t tell if I actually like the person or if I just like the attention they give me. It honestly is probably a mixture of both. I do like this girl though. She is very kind, thoughtful, humorous, gentle, caring, easy-to-talk to, helps me talk about things that I usually don’t like to, supportive, encouraging, makes me work on my emotional intelligence, sweet, constantly showers me with affirmations and compliments, has a cute dimple, and makes me feel comfortable. I am almost positive that she likes me way more than I like her though. This really scares me. It scares me because I know that I can hurt her and I don’t want to, but I feel like I will. I am so unsure about where I want our relationship to go, and that isn’t fair to her. I know it has only been a month, but I can tell she already is quite invested in me and sadly I cannot exactly say the same. Is there something wrong with me? Am I emotionally unavailable and incapable of love? If she were to tell me right now that she no longer wanted to see me every again, I would be sad for a day or two and then I would probably get over it and be fine. Is that normal?

Another big problem is religion. I am Christian, though I haven’t been living like a very good Christian girl lately... I’ve been out drinking, clubbing, dancing with random guys, kissing random guys, cursing often, not attending church, and romantically seeing a girl. My life is so intertwined with church and Christianity, and the way that I am currently living is not something that can go with my church life. They are two totally separate worlds, and I have to choose between the two. It is impossible to have both. Even if I try my hardest and tell myself I can “fake it ‘til I make it”, I know deep down that it is unsustainable and just doesn’t work. I can’t lie to myself like that and I cannot lie to God like that. The other day I was out with the girl and we were going to eat at this restaurant but ended up bailing out because I saw a group of my church friends sitting in there. I knew that she was upset that we couldn’t eat there due to my fear of them discovering my secret (I’ve only come out to a handful of people). I hated that I upset her, but I just couldn’t bring myself to go in and be seen by them.

I think I need to end things with her. I hate myself for letting it get this far. I really thought that it would be okay and that I could do it. I can’t. I hate that I am going to hurt her. But I know she deserves better. She deserves someone who is emotionally available and emotionally intelligent. Someone who is out and proud and is able to show her off to the world and proudly call her their partner. No one likes being a secret for forever, and that’s what she would be if she were to be with me. I thought I could give up and renounce my religion, but I can’t. It’s who I am and I can’t/won’t give that up for anyone. Call me selfish, stupid, crass, un-feeling, or cold-blooded; I deserve it.

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whaleofatjme1920 · 2 years

Note

Hi, I asked for the clueless s/o? Do you mind doing that with Soldier and Engi? I apologize for the two added characters but I wanted to see their reactions too. I apologize as well if I come off as picky.

Support Class, Soldier and Engineer with a Clueless SO

[GN Reader]

[Warnings: Like, none?]

[AN: No you're not picky at all! At that moment, I just couldn't accept anymore! And sometimes, I get kinda tired of having to turn you guys down because I feel,,,, bad. But I get it, don't worry.]

The original ask: Support class with a clueless af s/o who plays their flirts like a slight joke until s/o confesses to them out of the blue and is so cool with it?

Medic

You make him laugh and smile, but like he only gets slightly flustered.

He's terrible at telling the difference between someone joking and being legitimate so even if you were being legitimate he cannot tell. You have to blatantly tell this man.

He think you're just like, friendly flirting with him. And sometimes, he joins back but he thinks he's far, far too old for it.

So when you just kinda, out of the blue tell him how much you love him, it's genuine, he cannot breathe. His heart is stolen in an instant.

While there's no grand gesture, he smiles, takes you into his arms, spins you and looks at you with such deep, pure love.

Sniper

Aha when is this man not flustered. He can actually talk and do big game when it's for a job, but like, personally no, not at all.

You flirting so blatantly with him makes him chuckle. Makes his day so, so much better.

Genuinely, he thinks you're just friends though. He cannot properly even fathom why someone would actually love him.

He short circuits when he finds out you really, really like him. He pauses, chokes on his decaf coffee, and legitimately short circuits. Sputters for a moment or two.

You have to bring him back down because like, he thought you were just joking. "It's not a joke? You aren't having a laugh???" As you pepper his face in kisses. Genuine love startles him but he's so, so in love.

Spy

Again you cannot and will not out flirt this man. He goes along with your flirting because he thinks it's a silly little thing between friends.

He will indulge you so often that he's not actually focusing when you tell him that it's actually real. he thinks it's a joke, does not take you seriously whatsoever because that's all it's been so far - just fun. That's it.

But once it finally sinks in, he a very soft, subtle kind of endeared. He speaks softly in French to you, and it just kinda works out??

There's nothing grand here, surprisingly. He's just endeared that you're soft, thoughtful, etc.

Had no idea you could catch him so far off guard though tbh. He teases you slightly about it, but he's amazed at how dense he was over this whole thing.

Solider

No, Jane does not understand the concept of flirting if it was explained in the most simple of terms. he's a dense man at times.

His version of flirting is screaming commands that are sweet nothings at you. He uh, tries his hardest to convey his message to you. Of course, you out do him.

You can try to legitimately tell him but like, he does not get it. Or like, he thinks you're joking again. "OH GOOD ONE SON." While smacking your back to hard you can't breathe. But he means well lmfao.

Once it finally clicks though? It CLICKS.

He is the drill sergeant of your heart and loud at it. Had no idea your flirting was legitimate, but he's over the moon you actually meant it. To be completely fair, it was the same thing with him too. He meant every word but it's sometimes hard to decipher what he means.

Engineer

He's a perceptive man and knows kinda instantly what you're trying?? But the over thinker in Dell thinks you're just being friendly, and well, he's doubting someone as sweet as you would ever love him.

He loves your cheesy, playful flirting because it makes his days lighter. He flirts back in a very gentle, already loves you way.

He's kinda hinting his genuine feelings for you? But when you out of the blue tell him the truth, he's relieved.

Peppers your face in kisses. He's overjoyed. How could he doubt himself?? He's so relieved you weren't joking. Would've broken his heart if you were.

The way you switch up flirting and sounding generally clueless is kinda amazing in his opinion?

#tf2 medic headcanon #tf2 medic x reader #tf2 sniper headcanon #tf2 sniper x reader #tf2 spy headcanon #tf2 spy x reader #tf2 soldier headcanon #tf2 soldier x reader #tf2 engineer headcanon #tf2 engineer x reader

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criminalmindzjunkie · 4 years

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Unlucky in Love

masterlist

Gif credit to @ogledalo-moje-duse

Summary: Spencer is unlucky in love - until he isn’t.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: swearing, some suggestive content

Word Count: 3.4k

Spencer Reid is, by most people’s definition, unlucky in love.

It wasn’t for lack of trying. In his early twenties, Spencer often caught himself fantasizing about being on the receiving end of some great storybook romance straight out of one of the classic novels on his bookshelf. On the rare occurrence where his mind was able to slow down long enough, Spencer would daydream about what his future partner would be like. Would they share his fondness for the written word, or his penchant for foreign cinema? Would they find his tendency to go off on tangents endearing and his less than fashionable style of dress charming? Spencer liked to think so, but the likelihood of finding someone who could accept him despite all of his quirks seemed low.

But still he hoped, even though he knew hope was a dangerous thing. Hope gave life to the possibility of disappointment – and if there was one thing Spencer did not need more of, it was that.

Spencer Reid was in love with the idea of love – obsessed with the idea of his soul intertwining with someone else’s. But with his thirtieth birthday quickly approaching and absolutely no prospective love interests in sight, Spencer was feeling more than a little disheartened. It certainly didn’t help that everywhere he turned, love was running rampant. Hotch had Beth, Penelope had Kevin, Jennifer had Will, and Morgan had… any number of possible partners. Emily and Rossi were both unattached, but happily so in a way that Spencer just couldn’t quite manage.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like seeing the people around him happy – it was just that he couldn’t help but wonder when he’d finally get his chance at love.

A month before Spencer’s thirtieth birthday, everything changes.

When a member of Garcia’s victims’ support group goes missing, it’s all hands on deck at the BAU. It’s not that they’d give any less than one hundred percent on any other given day, but as with any case that hits close to home, everyone on the team is in a frenzy trying to put the pieces together. The thing that makes this case different is the fact that people from other departments are quick to lend a hand. It comes as no surprise to Spencer – Penelope is a social butterfly by nature. She made it her business to know and befriend everyone in the building. Her sunny disposition is hard not to love, and her current distress had garnered the support of more than a few non-team members.

By the time the case wraps up, the bullpen is much busier and, much to Spencer’s chagrin, much louder than usual. The steady influx of people has Spencer’s head spinning and he can’t seem to focus on the papers sitting in front of him. What should take him thirty seconds to read has almost taken twenty minutes, and at this point the words on the paper are all running together. Spencer knows that it doesn’t help that he’s running on less than three hours of sleep, as evidenced by the frequency of his yawns. Worse even is the fact that his coffee cup is empty and no, he thinks, that simply will not do. With a sigh Spencer pushes away from his desk, bones creaking as he stands.

With his coffee cup in hand, Spencer shuffles to the breakroom. He goes through the motions of preparing his drink, lazily stirring in the mountain of sugar before turning to leave.

Spencer supposes that if it weren’t for the fact that he was horribly sleep deprived, he would’ve seen you walking down the hallway. But alas, Spencer’s alertness had been compromised by poor sleeping habits, and he isn’t aware of your presence until his body is colliding with yours and his hot coffee is dripping down the front of your blouse.

“Ouch,” you whimper, and Spencer is immediately overwhelmed with guilt.

“O-Oh my God, I am so sorry,” he splutters. Without waiting for a response, Spencer’s rushing into the break room and procuring a thick stack of napkins. The part of his brain that controls logical thinking is apparently overrun by the onset of his mortification, and in an act of absolutely panic, he begins to dab at the stains with one of the napkins.

“I-I wasn’t looking where I was going. I’m so so sorry,” Spencer stutters out, frantically attempting to blot the stain. “I’ll give you money for a new shirt. A-Actually, you should probably take this one off. The best way to treat scalds is to immediately get the person away from the heat source. You should also run some cold water over it.”

In his hurry to rectify his mistake, Spencer hadn’t managed to take a good look at you. When his eyes leave the stain in favor of looking at your face, he prepares himself to see anger there. What he doesn’t expect is for your face to be just as flushed as his, with eye brows raised in shock.

Spencer also doesn’t expect this to be the moment he’s been waiting on his entire life, but one look into your eyes tells him this is it - this is your person.

Stunned into a stupor, Spencer stills, eyes boring into your own. You’re even more beautiful than he’d dared to let himself imagine, but in all honesty that didn’t matter much. What matters is the fact that there’s a faint hint of smile lines etched into your skin, and your eyes are so inherently kind that Spencer has no doubt that you’re as gentle as you are alluring. Your benevolence is also evidenced by the fact that you hadn’t immediately begun to yell at him, and for that he is thankful.

Spencer’s revelation renders him unable to form any semblance of thought, and before he knows it almost a solid minute of him gaping at you passes. You begin to squirm uncomfortably under his gaze.

“I, uh, appreciate the help, and you seem like a nice enough guy, but your hand is on my boob and I kind of make it a point to not let strangers touch the goods. So, if you don’t mind,” you stammer, looking pointedly at his hand that is still pressing a napkin to your chest. Spencer recoils as if he’s the one that’s been scalded.

“I-I didn’t mean to, um, t-touch your -,” Spencer gulps, “- chest. I swear I was just trying to get the stain out. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he chokes out. Spencer had imagined the moment he’d come face to face with his person a million times, and none of his daydreams had accounted for the possibility of him giving her second degree burns and inadvertently copping a feel. His emotions fell somewhere between mortification and elation.

“Mm likely story,” you murmur, lips upturning into a smile that has Spencer feeling weak in the knees. Spencer practically swoons. “Do you make it a habit to ask strangers to take their tops off, or am I just special?”

Oh God, had I really suggested that? Spencer cringes and wonders what good an IQ as high as his was when it seemed to fail him at times like these. Speaking to women had never been a specialty of his, despite Derek’s coaching, and Spencer was floundering to come up with an acceptable response.

You are the most special woman in the world, probably. Nope – too creepy, and Spencer definitely doesn’t want to scare you off. Not when he’s been waiting the better part of thirty years to meet you.

I didn’t mean to insinuate that you should take off your shirt, but I also wouldn’t particularly mind if you did. Even worse – that would certainly earn him a stern talking to from HR.

Spencer decides to go for the honest approach.

“I-I’m not sure how to answer that.”

His honesty draws a laugh from you, and Spencer loves the sound so much that he decides then that he’ll never tell a lie again. You shake your head at him and reach for the napkins that he still has clutched in his hands.

“What’s your name?” you ask him as you continue his earlier efforts to sop up the coffee.

It’s probably the easiest question he’s ever been asked. That doesn’t stop him from making a fool out of himself, though.

“I’m Doctor Spencer R-Reid. Uh, I’m Spencer. Y-You don’t have to call me Doctor.”

Someone please put me out of my misery.

Your eyes meet his again and he can tell that you’re holding back a laugh.

“Okay, then, Spencer,” you say as you discard the napkins in a nearby trash bin. “I’m Y/N.” You punctuate your words with an outstretched hand, and before Spencer can think better of it, the usual spiel come tumbling out of his mouth.

“The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It’s actually safer to kiss.”

Your lower your hand and cock your head to the side.

“Are you always this forward, Doctor Reid?” you tease him, eyes flashing amusedly.

“I-I didn’t mean that we should kiss,” Spencer interjects, cringing at the way his voice has suddenly raised in pitch. “N-Not that I wouldn’t kiss you! I-I’m sure that kissing you would be really n-nice. I just meant that… you know. Germs.”

Are you there, God? It’s me, Spencer. A hole opening up in the ground and swallowing me up would be great.

To Spencer’s delight, you don’t seem offended in the slightest.

“I cannot believe that they’ve been hiding you up here, Spencer Reid. I should’ve come to visit Penny years ago.”

Wait – what?

“You work here?”

You nod.

“I work on the floor below this one – sex crimes,” you explain.

“For how long?”

“Coming up on three years now.”

Three years. You’d been right under Spencer’s nose for three years and he hadn’t the slightest clue. You’d parked your car in the same parking garage and taken the same elevator as he! How many times had your paths nearly crossed in the last three years? If he’d been just a little bit earlier or a little bit later getting into work, might the two of you met earlier? The possibility of it was maddening.

“Oh, wow. I-I’ve never seen you,” Spencer mutters lamely. But miraculously, you don’t think he’s lame, if your response is any indication.

“Nor I you, Doc. It’s a shame, too. You’re a funny guy.”

Spencer Reid has been called a lot of things in his lifetime – funny was never one of them.

“Y-Yeah. I’m a real riot at parties,” he deadpans. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind,” you hum, and Spencer really hopes that you mean it. “Would you mind escorting me to Penelope’s office?”

Spencer nods, and the two of you fall in step together. Spencer’s wracking his brain again for something – anything- he could say to fill the silence. Thankfully, you don’t seem quite as inept at conversing as he, and you beat him to it.

“You look a little young yourself, Spencer. How long have you worked here?”

“Uh, I’ve actually worked here for almost eight years. I started when I was twenty-two.”

Your eyebrows raise in shock.

“Twenty-two, huh? That makes you – what? Thirty now? I wouldn’t put you a day past twenty-five,” you muse, and Spencer isn’t quite sure what to make of that. You must pick up on the conflicted look on his face, because you clarify. “That’s a good thing, Doc. I hope I look as good as you do when I’m thirty.”

Spencer has to remind himself how to breathe.

“I’m not thirty yet. Technically I have twenty-three more days. I could have a rapid decline in attractiveness by then.”

Spencer’s not usually one to try to be funny, but she seems to have a good sense of humor and he wants to impress you in any way he can.

“I guess I’ll have to swing back by in twenty-three days and find out.”

The two of you come to a stop in front of Penelope’s office and Spencer tries not to look as disappointed as he feels. He doesn’t want your meeting to come to an end – not when there’s so much about you that he wants to know. He wants to ask about your opinion on books and obscure foreign films and most importantly, Spencer wants to know what you think about him. Did meeting him affect you in the same way it did him? Did you secretly wish to make this moment last, too?

Spencer wants to say so much, but he can’t. He’s too awkward and too scared and too nervous to find the right words. So instead, he gives you a tight-lipped smile.

“I’m sorry about your blouse. Can I please give you the money to buy a new one? I feel like it’s the least I can do.”

“Absolutely not. It’s really not that big of a deal. Didn’t even really care for the shirt, if I’m being honest. Red really isn’t my color.”

Spencer wants to tell you how wrong you are – that he’s infinitely certain that you’d look irresistible in any color – but he doesn’t.

You reach for the door knob, and Spencer’s shoulders slump.

“It was nice meeting you, Spencer.”

And then you’re gone, and Spencer can’t help but think that he royally fucked up the most important introduction of his entire life.

When Spencer envisioned how his life would look at age thirty, he’d imagined it being a lot different than it is now. He’d hoped to use his intelligence for something great – finding a way to cure Alzheimer’s had been his main aspiration. Yet, here he was, thirty years old with nothing more than three PhDs to his name. He’d accomplished nothing of great significance, and the idea of having wasted his intelligence was eating away at him.

In short, Spencer Reid was in a bit of a funk.

It didn’t help that he hadn’t seen you since that fateful day in the bullpen. Spencer had contemplated paying you a visit, but the lingering embarrassment over his actions kept him from reaching out. He didn’t think he could handle how badly a rejection from you would hurt, so instead he sulked around the office and wallowed in his own self-deprecation.

Spencer’s birthday wasn’t something he tended to advertise. From a young age, he’d chosen to observe it silently. Usually, his mother would forget, and he never really had any friends to celebrate with, so the day was always rather unimportant to him. Perhaps he would order takeout and gorge himself on greasy food while he sat alone in his apartment. It had been good enough for him last year, and he supposed it would have to suffice this year as well.

He made it a point not to mention it to his coworkers, and the day passed by just as any other day. By the time five o clock rolled around, Spencer was waving a goodbye to his coworkers and heading out the door. As he waits for the elevator, he debates on whether to order Thai food or pizza for dinner.

Just as he settles on Thai, the elevator doors open.

“Oh, thank God, I was worried that you had left already!”

Before Spencer can get over the initial shock of seeing you, you’re stepping out of the elevator and into his space, an excited smile on your lips. And then you’re holding out your hand, and Spencer’s almost moved to tears when he sees you wielding a single chocolate cupcake.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d like chocolate or vanilla better, so I went with my gut. I get the feeling you’re a chocolate kind of guy,” you say, eyes shining as you look up at him. “So, was I right?”

“You brought this for me?” Spencer asks, voice barely above a whisper. He can’t fathom it – that you had spared him any thought past your initial meeting. Spencer had surely expected you to forget about him entirely. Either that, or you’d written him off as someone to be avoided.

You nod.

“Of course, I did. It’s your birthday. Everyone deserves something sweet on their birthday.” You pause, the smile dropping from your face. “It is your birthday, right? I didn’t miss it, did I?”

Spencer is slow to shake his head.

“N-No, you didn’t miss it. I’m just surprised you remembered.”

You chuckled softly.

“You’re very unforgettable, Doctor Reid,” you say, and Spencer’s heart flutters in his chest. “And you didn’t answer my question.” You gesture to the cupcake expectantly.

“Chocolate is my favorite,” Spencer breathes out, raising a shaky hand and taking it from her. “I… Thank you. You didn’t have to do this. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re turning thirty. That’s a very big deal, Doc.,” you argue, and Spencer gives you a tentative smile.

“If you say so.”

“I do,” you smirk, before hitting the button to open the elevator doors. “So, do you have any big plans to celebrate?”

The doors open and you and Spencer file into the elevator together– an event three years in the making.

“Not really. I was just going to order some food and stay in,” Spencer says before taking a bite of the cupcake. It tastes wonderful – better than a store-bought cupcake could ever be. This cupcake was undoubtably made from scratch, and the thought of you taking the time out of your day to bake something for him makes him feel weak at the knees. Pair that with the way you’re looking up at him and Spencer worries he might collapse.

“What kind of food?”

“Thai,” Spencer says around the mouthful of cake.

“Mm,” you hum. “You know – I happen to love Thai food. And I also happen to not have any plans for the evening.”

Even Spencer, who struggles to decipher the simplest of social cues, can deduce that you are insinuating that you want to spend the evening with him. He’s thankful, then, that he had already swallowed the bite of cupcake, because there’s no doubt in his mind that he’d have choked on it. Spencer gapes at you, but your gaze is unwavering and your body language gives no indication that you were joking.

“D-Do… Do you want to, uh, come over?” Spencer trips over his words more times than any grown man should, but in his defense, he isn’t exactly well versed in matters like this.

“Do you want me to come over?”

“Yes.” Spencer answers so quickly that it should be embarrassing, but it’s hard to feel anything but happy when you’re looking at him like that.

“Then in that case, I thought you’d never ask,” you sigh dramatically, and then the door opens up and you link your arm with his. “You know, I was beginning to think I’d never see you again. I’ve been driving Penelope crazy asking about you, Doc.”

“You’ve been asking about me?” Spencer asks, incredulous.

“Absolutely. It’s not every day that you meet a guy who has the audacity to feel you up and ask you to undress within the first five minutes. I just had to know more,” you tease, and Spencer can’t help but laugh. Despite the cold air of the parking garage, Spencer feels warm – warmer than he’s ever felt and he knows that it has everything to do with the way you’ve pressed yourself against his side.

“In that case, I’m very glad I spilled my coffee on you,” Spencer says and you let out a snort.

“Yeah, I could’ve done without that part. And the part where you called me germy.”

“I did not mean it like that,” Spencer insists. You hum and detach yourself from him, and Spencer instantly misses the contact.

“Because it’s your birthday, I’ll let you off the hook,” you announce, making your way to the other side of his car, all while never taking your eyes off him. “And if you’re lucky, birthday boy, I might just be willing to test that theory of yours.”

Spencer cocks his head to the side.

“Theory?”

You nod, and the smile that creeps across your face is the best birthday present he’s ever gotten.

“You said you thought kissing me would be nice. I think we should find out.”

Spencer Reid is, by most people’s definition, unlucky in love. But as he steals glances at you on the way to his apartment, his chest swells with a hope that maybe – just maybe – his luck is about to change.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer x y/n #criminal minds self insert #spencer reid self insert #fluff #fanfiction

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beau-tee · 3 years

Text

── Adam. Fluff! HCs

Warning. None, just me writing I guess.

Author’s note. It’s almost 5 am for me, I’m too excited to sleep. I need to practice my english probably incorrect grammar here and there,, so this too long. Just I love too much this beautiful man

愛. Adam despite his laid-back personality is an absolute gentleman, sweet and very protective when it comes to you, like a charming prince. He’s not a very touchy person at first but he becomes affectionate with you. He genuinely enjoys spending time with you though he isn’t clingy he is protective over you and will worry about your safety and well-being. Especially if you are careless, clumsy, or weak in which case, he can be a little bit fatherly towards you, feeling the need to take care of you. Of course, he’ll always make sure you’re taking care of yourself; that you’re eating enough and eating healthily, that you’re getting sufficient amounts of sleep and exercise.

愛. His kisses are deliberate. They’re gentle and sweet, it always feels right. Adam’s kisses last longer but are still gentle and in bed they can get a little more feverish and aren’t limited to just your lips. Eskimo kisses. The Father of Humanity invented them and you cannot tell me otherwise, probably because it requires less effort. He’s more a man of action than words and he’ll try his best to encourage you and support you when he can tell you need it. He’s also the best for raising your self-esteem. He’s always there to help boost your confidence if you need it. Adam seems to find happiness in simple things. He tends to approach things lightheartedly and this helps you if you are pessimistic or who sometimes can be a bit down.

愛. Adam loves to sit with you in peace and be completely comfortable together sitting in complete silence with stolen kisses and touch. Adam gives off an aura of serenity and it’s really comforting without him even trying to be. There wouldn’t be talking, just sitting side by side, enjoying the quiet and warmth your body radiate. And let him play with your hair. He can feel the stress melt away from you as you melt in his arms as his fingers twirl your locks. When he does it is always so gentle, his gestures are so delicate, you can relax every time he brushes you, you can fall asleep sometimes. Cain and Abel enjoy it too! Adam felt his somnolent little one start to nod off against him. He wrapped his arms around him and cradled him softly against him, stroking his head. And your hand stroking the blond hair of your cute Abel who lay on your soft lap, sighing blissfully, causing you to laugh.

愛. He is very considerate and observant and remembers a lot about you and is nearly perfect at coming up with presents for you which he will surprise you with gifts at random times, but especially any time he thinks you need cheering up. Mostly are simple gifts whether it’s flowers, your favourite food, or that pretty dress he saw you eyeing the other day at the store. Loves when you bring him lunch. Adam thinks your food is the most delicious thing ever. Especially when you can sweeten those sour apples of Eden. When you are baking he does enjoy helping you decorate your cakes and cookies though. Also with Cain and Abel stealing some a bit when you’re two not looking.

愛. He doesn’t mind PDA and enjoys holding hand, hugs and kisses kind of enjoys it if you are a bit clingy or touchy. Adam is quite direct. He may not seem like the type to say ‘I love you,’ but in fact, he can say it often and very matter-of-factly, no matter who’s around to hear it. Adam has no shame. He just doesn’t care what others think, he likes to hesitate to rest his head on your shoulder or he’ll come and he’ll lay his head in your lap without a word even as you are busy. Adam doesn’t get jealous very easily at all. He’s chill with everybody, he knows you love him and he has no reason to be really jealous, so he’d it’s not necessarily jealousy if someone was genuinely trying to piss him off. Adam will outright call the other person out, reminding them how disrespectful it is to mess with someone else’s partner. He thinks communication is key in a relationship. He’ll always talk to you if something is bothering him and he’ll expect you to do the same. And if you’re ever uncomfortable, no matter the situation, he’ll be there to help you.

愛. Adam like spending time with his children playing or teaching them things especially anything dealing with animals but even just different things in general like helping them learn to walk or talk or explaining how things work. Just imagine the small proud smile on his face at his son first steps. Adam and his sons rarely argue he is the type of dad that his children could talk to about anything, knowing that he won’t judge them and that he’ll always love them. If one of them would misbehave from time to time, but it might be a rare occurrence since Adam would be the type to talk and always explain why he is saying “No” rather than just say it and expect to be obeyed. M!AU；Adam is the most ‘cool’ dad. Like all of the kids at the school admiring him when he comes to pick his children up. They all just think he looks so cool and strong. But very gentle with the kids.

愛. Adam is not a morning person. He prefers to sleep in, especially if is with you. But always the only exception is when his family needs him or goes to job. Especially if you wake up earlier than either on needs you need just let him hugging and holding you from behind while placing his chin over your shoulder while wrapping his arms under your waist. Mostly Adam stays up just to make sure you fall asleep soundly and he’ll tend to watch you but not in a creepy way. He just likes to take in your beautiful sleeping face and bask in the fact that you’re actually sleeping with him. This makes him realize that you both trust each other fully and that’s when he’s the most comfortable falling asleep when you’re safe and with him. It’d be wonderful and I bet he’d be adorable to wake up next to him. That’s my fantasy.

愛. Adam loves animals. He talks to them all the time. Probably more than he talks to everyone else combined, except for you, of course. He’d love to have a pet with you. Very possibly a bunny. But anyway there is always a bird accompanying him or a small field mouse determined to following him. Adam would much rather read a book with you or go for a peaceful evening stroll. One of his favorite things to do is walk around nature with his family. Would enjoy taking his sons on long walks, carrying one of them on his shoulders, and talking about life. You two are holding his hand all the time, and the short man was rubbing his thumb over your soft hand. You only let go of Adam’s fingers when you wanted to see something up much closer, like the little birds perching on the branches to get closer to Adam and lean towards you or pretty butterflies. You slightly laugh blissfully with your cheerful voice expanding on the environment, which made the scenery most charming.

愛. His voice is absolutely beautiful. He’s amazing at telling stories to keep you entertained. Whether they really happened or not, Adam has plenty of stories to share. He’s spent plenty of time on his own and he’s needed ways to occupy himself. He also likes when you make flower crowns for him and watching you gently weave them into his hair before running your nails down his neck and shoulders. Abel loves to make you flower crowns. He will find your favorite flower and he will sit there for hours trying to make you the best possible flower crown he can come up with. Cain will act like he doesn’t care at first, but quickly practically demands that his brother teach him so he can do it for you too. This two are adorables! One downside though is that they will want to bring home the bugs and little animals they find. But once a time they brought home a skunk.

愛. Adam really enjoys it when you lays on top of him or lays with their head resting on his chest. Your head laying on his chest, and with his arms around your waist, head snuggled up against his chest his hands intertwined with yours. When he’s on your breasts it’s always super comfy for him and being able to hear your heartbeats. He also likes getting to hear it speed up every time his fingers brush against your sides and the small of your back. Adam loves hugging you from behind no matter the height difference, he just enjoys holding you close to you. Adam is a perfect cuddler. He’s strong, warm, and all-encompassing. Adam can kill for you. He doesn't need a reason to protect you and he will always love you. You definitely don’t have to worry about someone getting hurt because he’ll always protect you and your beautiful smile.

#shuumatsu no valkyrie #record of ragnarok #snv adam #Adam #snv adam x reader #adam x reader #adam x you #Cain #Abel #snv x reader #snv x you #SNV HCs #fem reader #reader insert #Platonic #Fluff #aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh it’s so hard to write platonic hcs for baby koji n jack #Beau. Writes #Beau-tee

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gaegalsyd · 3 years

Text

Only for you

Summary: The children conducted a mini talent show

I read a talent show thing somewhere and my dad's been binge watching talent shows then I thought of mphfpc. And do I have unfinished stories? Yes. Will I write random stories instead of finishing those? Also yes.

Time is a precious thing, especially for Alma. Everything must be on time and not one second should not be wasted, but this does not mean not having time for amusement. This is why when Alma told you that it would be good for the children to do something fun, you immediately agreed.

During breakfast, all the children are already talking about what they plan to do for the day when Alma clears her throat to gather everyone’s attention. Before speaking, she looked at you with a little smirk on her face, then you nod to her.

“Children, miss y/n and I have talked last night and thought you might want to have more time to do something fun later this day” this was responded by excited cheers from the children which prompted you to speak with a grin “you all need not to be that excited” then the excited cheers turned to small laughs.

“Can we go to the beach, Miss Peregrine?” Olive asked

“We should have a picnic!” Claire exclaimed, then each of them shared their thoughts on what they should do instead.

Alma looked at you as if asking for some assistance which you responded with a playful shrug and a smirk. You may be considered as the second of the house, but you still leave the decision making to Alma as the ymbryne of this loop and the main caretaker of the children. You are just happy to support her in every choice she makes.

“I’m afraid that we will not have enough time to prepare for a picnic or going to the beach, I guess we can have a mini event instead” Alma said with nothing but gentleness in her voice. You really do adore seeing her being so gentle and loving towards the children.

The children agreed and talked about what they plan to do and they ended up agreeing to do a talent show. “What if we do a talent show but we can’t use our peculiarities?” Enoch voiced out which was immediately agreed to by everyone “And you’re not exempted to this, miss y/n” Enoch added with a smirk that caused another simultaneous agreement. When you looked at Alma, she was already looking at you and was failing to hide the smirk on her face and when you feigned a pout, she just shrugged as well. The two of you were the only ones to know about this small interaction of sorts and the “butterflies in stomach” never stops. This woman will be the death of you.

After breakfast, the children scrambled to finish their chores so they could plan for their mini talent show. You saw Alma in the backyard looking over the twins, you stood beside her and said “the children seemed happy with your idea” she looked at you with a smile and held your hand “you know how they can be sometimes, I am just glad to see them so happy” And you knew that you are being overwhelmed with happiness as well just by seeing her and the children happy “I cannot wait what they will be doing”.

The thing is, you will never exchange these kinds of moments for anything in this world and you may have meant that literally. Your peculiarity to feel if someone is being genuine with what they are saying allows you to pass as normal but you decided to stay in this loop after falling in love with it and to the woman sitting beside you.

After a few hours of continuing your tasks, you went to the library to have some alone moments that are needed when you have to deal with children for the whole day. Millard approached you to tell you that everyone’s already in the parlor and that the event will start any moment.

You went to the parlor and saw that the chairs are arranged the same way when they are having the movie except there is a space in the middle. Some of the children sat on the floor while you noticed that they had made a space for you and Alma to sit on the couch. Millard and Fiona stood in the center of the room, both holding a brush and using it like a microphone.

“Welcome everyone to our talent show! I will be one of your hosts for today and I am excited to showcase our talents.” Millard may be invisible but you can feel that he must be smiling widely. He was immediately followed up by Fiona “And what makes this talent show different is that, we must try our best not to use any of our peculiarities.” Millard started walking around and stopped behind you “Now, let me introduce our special guest, Miss y/n” Even though being a little surprised, you stood up and gave a wave that caused some giggles and after sitting down Millard continued “And of course, Miss Peregrine!” Alma just gave a small smile to the children, but the children seemed to be satisfied with it.

“For our first act, we have the twins!” Fiona introduced and then moved to the side. The twins performed a dance and they did it so synchronously that everyone applauded after they performed. The next to perform is Claire and Bronwyn who both sang joyfully, some of the children even sang along to the lyrics of the song. Horace followed with narrating a poem he wrote. Millard performed with his jokes that made everyone laugh not because it was funny but because of the cliche in every joke. Emma did some magic tricks that were definitely enjoyed by everyone, especially by the younger ones. Fiona showcased her talent in painting some flowers. And for the last act, Enoch, Olive, and Hugh made a skit of their everyday routines in the house, which everyone related to and laughed at.

“And of course, for our final show we have Miss y/n!” Millard announced and everyone, including Alma started applauding. You looked around in confusion but Enoch just said “we did agree that you are not exempted” then you turned to Alma to ask for some help but she just leaned to you and whispered “it’s your turn dear” you had no choice but to just sigh

You did not have any idea what to do as you stood in the middle of the room but when you looked at Alma, suddenly she was the only one you could see and it was as if seeing her again for the first time and wanting to confess your adoration towards her. And so, you knew what you could do and you started singing a song that you wrote, not looking away from Alma.

The simple thought of your name

Sends my heart to a delirious beat

And that look in your eyes,

I would trade for nothing

I was not one who understood

poems, love stories, and romance

But then you looked and smile at me,

I knew I can fill empty pages with love,

And that my soul will always remember.

After you finished singing, the children clapped and you walked slowly towards Alma feeling a little breathless as if you confessed your love to her all over again. But you’ll never tire of telling and showing her how much she means to you, you’ll never tire of seeing her look at you with so much adoration with her cheeks blushing and her eyes brighter than usual. When you reached her, she kissed your cheek that caused you to blush and it made her chuckle and the children are all smiling at the both of you knowingly. You thought that she must have been moved by what you sang, for her to kiss even just your cheek in the presence of the children is a big deal. However, you would not wish for her to take it back so you just smiled at her as a way of showing her how happy you feel.

The show ended with a standing ovation from the children and after the loop was reset, everyone turned in early. You and Alma still had to finish up some things such as tucking the children in and making sure that the house is secured. And as usual every night, you are cuddled with Alma in the bed you are sharing when a thought came up in your mind and you look at her “Why was I not exempted but you are?” which earned a small laugh from the ymbryne, she looked lovely when she doesn’t have her headmistress facade, you thought. “It was the children’s idea, my love” and you just joked to her saying “at least tell me you enjoyed my singing to make it worth it” and another small laugh from her but before saying anything, she kissed your forehead “I loved it” and you just hummed in response for you are already feeling the sleepiness.

But before you succumbed into sleep you heard a whisper from Alma “I love you”. And you may have been too sleepy to respond, but you knew that she was being genuine with her words and your heart felt full. And of course, you also knew that you love her too, with everything that she is and will be.

#miss peregrine x reader #miss peregrine movie #miss peregrines home for peculiar children #alma peregrine #alma peregrine x reader #mphfpc #miss peregrine fic

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