Burden | Dream Reaction #11

Reaction: When their gf feels like a burden to them

Genre: Hurt/comfort

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, dark thoughts, mental health issues

Word Count: 3593k

Author's Note: This reaction was requested by an anon, which I am very grateful for. I feel like the theme for this reaction is pretty common in my stories. So I tried my best to come up with different scenarios and not sound too repetitive. Writing this story made me think of how all the members of NCT Dream are such sweethearts, honestly. I hope you guys like this and please feel free to request more! Thank you for reading ^ ^

~ ~ ~

MARK

Lately, there’s been this growing distance between you and Mark. You hated yourself for feeling this way because Mark was nothing short of the perfect boyfriend. He treated you with kindness and respect. He didn’t hesitate to show his feelings for you and cared for you in ways that no one else in your life has.

But you were someone who carried a lot of insecurities. Frequently, you found yourself pondering if you were truly worthy of Mark's affection. He was constantly busy with his back-and-forth schedules between 127 and Dream. Yet he still made the time to call you and ask how your day went. You felt like you didn’t deserve him. 

One evening, you were engaging in a deep conversation with Taeyong at the 127 dorm. As the leader figure of the group, you sometimes found yourself confiding in the male when it came to concerns about your relationship. Unbeknownst to you, Mark happened to be present at the dorm that evening, and as he walked down the hallway, he overheard your voice drifting from the living room. 

“I don’t know…Mark is so sweet and loving,” you spoke with uncertainty, as you held a couch pillow close to your chest.“Sometimes I can’t help but feel like I’m a burden to him.”

He observed Taeyong place a comforting hand on your shoulder. “(Y/n), you’re an amazing girlfriend and Mark cares about you a lot. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself,” he tried to reassure you.

You let out a sigh, “I know…but I just can’t shake the feeling that I’ll never be good enough for him.”

Mark genuinely had no idea you were feeling this way. He’d stay up the rest night, replaying your words in his head. You were so important to Mark, and he couldn’t bear the thought of his life without you. Knowing that you felt so insecure saddened him deeply.

A few days later you received a text from Mark, asking you to meet him at the studio. The message felt somewhat random, but you headed to his company building, unsure of what to expect.

When you walked into the studio, Mark was sitting on the sofa with a guitar in hand. At first, you were confused until his fingers began strumming to a familiar tune.

“Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they’re not shinin’. Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying,” he sang softly. “She’s so beautiful, and I tell her every day.”

 You couldn’t help but laugh, finding it almost surreal that Mark Lee was serenading you with a Bruno Mars song. But the charming smile on his lips didn’t leave as he finished the first verse.

“Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her, she won’t believe me. 

And it’s so, it’s so sad to think that she don’t see what I see.”

His fingers continued to strum the instrument as he stood up and walked up to you, singing the chorus with heartfelt emotion.

“When I see your face, there’s not a thing I would change. Cause you’re amazing, just the way you are.” He gazed into your eyes, singing the lyrics with such love and admiration. “And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile. Cause girl you’re amazing, just the way you are.”

Your hands were clasped over your mouth, and tears glistened in your eyes as Mark sang the rest of the song. The raw emotion in his voice and the sweet lyrics touched you deeply, making this moment feel incredibly intimate. The romantic gesture felt so sudden, making you wonder what brought this all on.

After the song finished, Mark gently took your hand in his. “(Y/n), I heard you talking to Taeyong hyung the other day. And I wanted to let you know that you’re never a burden to me.”

You felt a mixture of surprise and gratitude, touched by his openness and the effort he took to address your concerns. The love in his eyes reaffirmed that he meant every word, and a sense of comfort washed over you as he held your hand, grounding you in the present moment.

"I cherish every part of you," Mark continued, his voice unwavering. "In good times and challenging ones, we're in this together. You can always lean on me. I'm here to support you through everything."

His words were like a warm embrace, wrapping around your heart and reaffirming the love you shared. In that moment, you knew that you were truly seen and valued by Mark, and your heart overflowed with love for this incredible person beside you.

✎__________________________________________________________

RENJUN

While you were in the kitchen preparing lunch, Renjun was relaxing in the living room. His group had just finished their promotional activities for their latest comeback, leaving him exhausted from the busy schedule. However, you became a bit flustered when you attempted to reach for an ingredient on a top shelf but found yourself unable to reach it.

Sighing in frustration, you stole a glance at Renjun, who was lying on the couch. Perhaps he could lend you a hand with this predicament. But as you started to hesitate when you approached him. His arm covered his eyes, as his chest slowly rose up and down with each slow breath he took. You didn’t want to disturb him when he looked so peaceful.

Renjun’s eyes slowly opened as he watched you walk away. Curious, he stood up from the couch and quietly followed you into the kitchen. The corner of his lips upturned in a small smile when he saw you struggle to get something from the cabinet.

When you felt Renjun extend his arm to retrieve the ingredient for you, you nearly jumped and turned around in surprise. 

Renjun looked at you endearingly and said, “You could’ve just asked me, (Y/n).”

“I know, but you were resting and I didn’t want to bother you,” you frowned. 

In response to this, Renjun planted a soft kiss on your forehead. “You could never bother me, darling,” he reassured, brushing away a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

You blushed at his warm gesture and whispered a "thank you" before returning to what you were doing before. Renjun was truly a sweetheart, and his caring nature never failed to make you feel loved and appreciated.

✎__________________________________________________________

JENO

The day had been long and overwhelming. Honestly, you were just glad that it was almost over. All you wanted right now was to be in your boyfriend’s arms. However, when you entered the bedroom, you found Jeno engrossed in a videogame on his computer.

Approaching him quietly, you softly called his name. “Jeno-ssi.”

“Yeah, babe?” He responded, keeping his eyes focused on the screen in front of him.

You felt discouraged when you saw how concentrated he was on his game. Not wanting to bother him, you took a step back. “I—actually, never mind.”

Jeno caught the hesitance in your voice and spun around in his chair. Just as you were walking away, he reached to grab your hand.

“No, babe, what is it?” he asked, concern evident in his voice. Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment now that you had his attention. Even if you tried to brush him off again, you knew he wouldn’t let you go.

“I was going to ask if we could cuddle. but I don’t want to distract you from your game,” you muttered, avoiding his gaze. You couldn’t help but feel silly for wanting something so seemingly small.

Jeno’s eyes softened at your words, and in the next second, you were being pulled into his lap. He loved nothing more than holding you in his arms and pressing kisses into your hair. The idea that you thought he would reject you, puzzled him.

“You can always ask me for cuddles, babe,” he whispered softly, his arms wrapped securely around you. “I love being with you, and I don’t want you to feel like it’s a bother.”

You slowly smiled and allowed your head to rest on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart. His touch radiated so much comfort and warmth that it seemed to chase away any lingering insecurities or anxious thoughts from earlier. For the remainder of the night, he kept you in his lap as he played his game. Eventually, he retired from the computer and proceeded to cuddle you in the comforts of your bed. Jeno just loved being close to you and he wanted to ensure that you never felt like you were bothering him again.

✎__________________________________________________________

HAECHAN

Something didn’t feel right when Haechan entered your apartment. After sliding on the familiar gray slippers you always kept for him, he shuffled through the darkness of your living room. His feet padded down the hallway, guided by the faint glow of light escaping beneath your bedroom door. He paused outside the closed door. Apprehension filled him when he heard your shaky breathing.

Haechan swallowed nervously before raising his hand to the door and lightly tapping his knuckles against the wood. “(Y/n)?” he called out softly. “Is it okay if I come in?”

When he was met with an unsettling silence, his determination urged him to slowly turn the doorknob and gently push open the door. The second he stepped inside his eyes fell on you sitting at the foot of the bed with your head buried in your hands. His heart broke at the sight of your body visibly trembling.

Haechan knew you hated it whenever he found you in this state of vulnerability. When he was present, you often put on a brave face for him. You were always trying to maintain this cheerful facade, even when things were not okay. He understood the effort you made to protect him from your inner struggles. But the thought of you hurting weighed heavily on his heart.

With a small sigh, Haechan closed the door behind him. He noticed you tense up when he approached you cautiously.

“(Y/n),” he started to say, extending his hand towards you in a gesture of comfort.

But you shook your head vigorously and pulled away from him. “Please, just go away Hyuck. I don’t want to see me like this,” you pleaded.

His expression faltered at your attempt to push him away. He could sense the pain and he wasn’t going to let you face it alone.

“(Y/n), whatever it is…just let me be there for you,” he said.

But your head shook again, almost as if your brain was refusing to let Haechan’s words comfort you. Your fists repeatedly banged against your head, the pain momentarily numbing the overwhelming thoughts and emotions within you.

 “I’m a mess, Haechan. I’m broken and damaged,” you cried. “I’m…I’m nothing but a burden right now.”

Haechan’s eyes widened with panic and he firmly grabbed your wrists to stop your self-destructive actions. “Hey, hey, don’t hurt yourself,” he murmured, trying to calm you down. “Who put those thoughts in your head, huh?”

As more tears cascaded down your cheek, Haechan loosened his grip on one of your hands and gently brushed away the tears with his thumb. 

“Look at me, (Y/n),” Haechan whispered. He gently lifted your chin, locking your gaze with his. 

“You are not a burden, nor are you broken or damaged,” he said, caressing your cheek. “Please don’t believe those lies your mind tells you.”

His voice was filled with a seriousness that resonated deep within your heart. The tears slowed and your body gradually stopped shaking. Once he was sure you wouldn’t resist, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a warm embrace. His chin rested atop your head, providing security, while his fingers tenderly stroked your hair.

“I know it’s hard for you to see yourself the way I see you,” he continues. “But trust me when I say you’re the strongest person I know, (Y/n).”

The outside world receded as his words sank in. Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and surrendered to his comforting embrace. No matter how frequently the inner demons resurfaced, Haechan remained steadfast in banishing them. Within his arms, you never felt safer.

✎__________________________________________________________

JAEMIN

Although you woke up this morning with a fever, that didn’t stop you from attending all your morning classes. It wasn’t that big of a deal, and you fully planned to spend the rest of the day in bed. However, when Jaemin sent a text asking if you wanted to come by his dance practice, you couldn’t turn him down. You also knew that if you told Jaemin you were sick, he’d get worried, and you didn’t want that.

Despite you not feeling your best, seeing Jaemin’s smile when you entered the practice room forced you to suck it up. The other members greeted you cheerfully, and their faces lit up when they spotted the bag of food in your hand.

“I missed you so much (Y/n),” Jaemin said. He spun you around in a hug that left you feeling a bit uneasy due to your headache. But you tried to push it off, not wanting to dampen the joyful atmosphere.

As you sat with the boys, you slowly started to realize that you weren't feeling any better. The fatigue and discomfort seemed to intensify, making it challenging to keep up with their energy.

Mark was the first to notice your lack of presence in the group. “Are you okay, (Y/n)? You look a little pale.”

“I—I’m fine. Just a little tired,” You mustered a weak smile as you gathered everyone’s trash to throw away. But as soon as you got up, the room started to spin. 

Jaemin and the others stood panicked when they saw you lose balance. Luckily, Jaemin reacted quickly and caught you when your vision blurred out. The next thing you knew, you woke up a few moments later, finding yourself resting on Jaemin’s lap.

“Baby, why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well?” he scolded lightly, stroking your hair. “You scared me.”

Seeing the genuine concern in his eyes made you feel a little guilty. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to be a burden to you,” you mumbled, slowly sitting up with Jaemin’s help.

Your boyfriend sighed and cupped your face in his hands. “No baby! You’re never a burden to me, especially when it comes to your health.”

Jaemin tried to convince you to go home, worried about your well-being. But you insisted on staying, wanting to support him. Throughout the rest of practice, he kept checking up on you. Despite some teasing and complaints from the other members about how disgusting and cute you guys were, you didn’t pay them much attention.

Seeing how much Jaemin cared for you and how attentive he was to your needs made you feel deeply loved and cherished.

✎__________________________________________________________

CHENLE

Gift-giving was Chenle’s love language, and it was something you still haven’t adjusted to. While you appreciated the thoughtfulness behind receiving flowers and stuffed animals from your boyfriend, you couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. You didn’t like him frequently spending money on you when he could save it for something more important. At the end of the day, you understood that this was Chenle’s way of expressing his love and you didn’t want to diminish that. 

One afternoon, the two of you were at an outdoor mall on a date. The initial plan was just to do some window shopping. But there was a clothes shop place that Chenle suggested you guys check out. The two of you walked around the store for a bit and there was a dress that caught your eye. It was a simple plaid black dress adorned with white sleeves. The classic design exuded an elegance that matched your fashion style.

However, your interest was forgotten when you picked up the price tag. There was no way you were going to spend so much money on one dress. Chenle noticed your eyes widening and followed your gaze to the dress you were looking at.

“Oh, that would look so cute on you,” he remarked.

You smiled sheepishly and let go of the fabric. “Yeah, but it’s pretty expensive. I don’t think I should buy it.”

Chenle smiled and swung his arm around your shoulder. “Who says you’re buying the dress? Don’t worry baby, I got you.”

A frown immediately tugged at your lips. The idea of him paying already made you feel bad. Even if the dress was nice, you were perfectly fine with not having it. 

“Chenle, you don’t have to do that. I’m not worth this,” you said quietly. The carefree expression on Chenle’s face turned to one of confusion.

“What do you mean you’re not worth it?” he asked. “You’re worth every cent of my money and love.”

“But I don’t want to burden you,” you emphasized. “It’s just a dress Chenle, I don’t need it.”

Sighing softly, Chenle cupped your cheeks into his hands, making sure you were looking into his eyes. “Listen here future Mrs. Zhong, you are not a burden or anything of the sort. You’re worthy of anything in this world and I will prove it to you at any cost.”

His words caused heat to rise to your cheeks. But when you lowered your head in embarrassment, Chenle brought your face back up and kissed you. He couldn’t care less about the nearby customers who were now staring at you two.

Feeling even more flustered, you pulled away in surprise. “Zhong Chenle, you can’t just kiss me in front of all these people!”

“Well if you don’t want me to kiss you again, you’re going to come with me to check this out.” Your boyfriend smiled mischievously and took the dress off the rack.

Any more protests from you went ignored, as the boy was already taking your hand and leading you to the checkout area. Chenle was definitely something else, always managing to surprise you with his spontaneous and caring nature. But you were grateful to have such a loving boyfriend. You could always count on him to make you feel like the most special girl in the world.

✎__________________________________________________________

JISUNG

He was just roaming around your apartment as you were in the kitchen making instant ramen for the two of you. It was Jisung’s second time visiting, and he wanted to become more familiar with your living space. He wandered into the bedroom, instantly picking up on how everything was so neat and tidy. He smiled when he spotted a framed picture of him on your nightstand. Seeing the photograph there filled him with warmth, knowing that you held him close to your heart.

However, he also noticed a small black journal on your nightstand. Curious, he picked up the object and opened it absentmindedly. His eyes quickly widened in horror as he read the top words on the second page. 

It was a list of the things you didn't like about yourself. His heart sank as he saw pages filled with bullet points, each one representing the insecurities you carried within. Dread filled him as he skimmed over the reasons that varied from your looks to what you perceived as flaws.

What hurt him the most was the last one on the bottom, which said: “I am a burden to everyone around me.” The weight of those words hit him like a tidal wave, leaving his heart heavy with a mix of sadness and anguish. 

“Jisung what are you—” You entered the room, wondering what he was doing in here.

Your body froze when you saw the notebook clutched tightly in his hands. The sight immediately filled you with panic, uncertain of how much he read. 

Jisung glanced up, looking like he was about to cry. “(Y/n), do you really think you’re a burden?”

The sadness in his tone only confirmed your fears and caused a wave of vulnerability to wash over you. You took a hesitant step closer, wanting to reach out and comfort him, yet also feeling exposed and uncertain of how to respond. But when tears began to spill out of Jisung’s eyes, you rushed to his side.

“Baby I—” You tried to say something, but the words caught in your throat.

"Was there something I did or said to make you think that?" He fretted, his brows furrowing with genuine concern.

Shaking your head, you wrapped your arms around him. “No, you didn’t do anything Jisungie. It’s just me that’s the problem.”

Hearing your confession only made him feel worse. The realization that you had been struggling with these feelings of, and he didn’t know killed him. As your boyfriend, he felt responsible for not being there to show how much you meant to him.

“(Y/n), I…I love you so much,” Jisung cried, his voice muffled against your shirt. “You’re never a burden to me or…or anyone. Please don’t think that way.”

You slowly exhaled, offering soothing pats on the boy’s back as you tried to comfort him. Seeing how deeply upset Jisung was about this surprised you. It took a few minutes for you to get him to stop crying. You rocked him back and forth in your embrace, pressing kisses into his hair and whispering apologies. Once he calmed down, you promised Jisung you’d work on being less critical of yourself and be more open about your feelings with him.

✎__________________________________________________________

Let’s talk

———————————————————————

April 11, 2024

“Please welcome to the stage Joe Burrow!”- Jason

Joe walks up and gives the boys a hug and a shake.

Today was the day that Joe was going to be doing New Hight’s podcast live with Travis Kelce, Jason, and Orlando brown Jr. You were so excited! You decided to come and watch to support Joe. You were wearing a orange skims bodysuit with blue ripped up jeans and Air Forces. You got sat next to THE KYLIE KELCE! You love her and what she does to support women’s sports.

“Hey, I’m Kylie! It’s very nice to meet you!”- Kylie

“Hi! It’s so nice to meet you too!”- you

You both hug and sit down

“So, you are Joe’s girlfriend?”- Kylie

“Yes! been dating for 7 years, but just recently got engaged. Trying to keep it low key.”- you chuckled

“Wow, Congrats!I’m surprised I’ve still been with mine! He’s a lot of work, but I love him.”- Kylie

“Awww, you guys are a very sweet couple! And your daughters are the cutest!”- you

“Aww! Thank you!”- Kylie

You and Kylie talked a little about being a WAG and how they managed football and family time. The boys were facing you. You had a clear view of Joe and loved seeing him interact in this kind of environment.

The boys talked football for the most part but then they went into family life.

“So, your parents have really been your number 1 supporter since day one?”- Travis

“Yeah, they helped me through a lot and have always been there for me… but my fiancé has also been there for me through a lot and wouldn’t be here without her too.”- Joe

“Wait what! Bring it back, you are getting married?!”- Travis

Joe chuckled

“Yeah..uh just got engaged last year. We decided to keep it private until I guess now.”- joe

The whole stadium went crazy

I was shocked. I of course didn’t mind he told them because I been wanting to announce it for a while but was waiting on what Joe thought but here we are. He looked at me and winked.

“Congrats man! Is she here tonight?”- Jason

“Yeah..she’s right there.”- joe points at you

The camera points to you and soon enough you are on the Jumbotron. You smiled and waved. You were so nervous.

“Ahhh there she is folks!”- jason

The camera points back to the boys

“Shes beautiful,congrats.”- Travis

“Thank you! She uh.. has helped through a lot. Y/n has been with me my whole journey from college to bengals so she’s been apart for a long time and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her so I’m very grateful.”- joe

“Wow! Well Joe you are one very lucky guy.”- Travis

“Trust me I know.”- joe chuckled

——————————————————-

After

“Hey.”- joe

He wrapped his arms around you from the back

“Hi!”- you

“So,what did you think?”- joe

“Well, I thought you did awesome. I’m so proud of you! And was very surprised about the shout out.”-you

“Well, I just feel like it’s been hard these past couple of months and I felt like you deserved it. You’re my girl and I don’t show you enough how much I love and care for you and I’m willing to do more now.”-joe

“Joe, thank you, but you are the best partner a girl can ask for. I know you are private about our relationship and I respect that. You amaze me every day with your smarts and talent. I love you Mr. QB.”- you

“I love you too, y/n.”- joe

He placed a kiss on your cheek.

————————————————————-

Insta

Y/n stories

02/20/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Cast&CrewSightings;SambaSchutteBTS;RhysDarbyCameo; DavidJenkins/RuiboQian; SaveOFMDCrew IG; Articles; Analysis & Trends; LoveNotes;DailyDarby/Tonight'sTaika;

== Cast & Crew Sightings ==

= Samba Schute Feat Rhys Darby =

Srcs: Samba's Instagram

Videos on Tumblr:

Steard Video - @kiwistede

Merstede Video - @kiwistede

Videos on IG:

Steard Video

Merstede Video

And just to distract all of you again: gif courtesy of @bizarrelittlemew

== Rhys Darby ==

The Our Flag Means Death Fan Page on Facebook was kind enough to get a Cameo for the crew! This one features all things to visit if you're heading to Aotearoa! It's quite a large file so tumblr won't let me upload it so please visit: their site (where you can download the video) or on facebook!

The admin on the page was also kind enough to give us some links to the places he talks about in the video! Thanks friends!

Te Henga Walkway

Kemeu, New Zealand

Te Rimu Tahi Ponsonby

Aoraki Mount Cook National Park

Fiordland National Park

Franz Josef Glacier

Lake Tekapo

Punakaiki

Piopiotahi

== David Jenkins / Ruibo Qian ==

Hey! We got some proof of life from Chaos Dad on Samba's BTS, and a bit of love from Ruibo!

＝＝ Fan Spotlight ＝＝

February Love Collage Fest! So I am very behind on these so I'm going to share a few a day to try and catch up on these awesome collages our dear crewmember WanderingNomad @wndrngnomad on Twitter made!

Today's: Feb 20: Ra Vincent!

Feb 1 : Samba Schutte

== Save OFMD Crew IG Calendar ==

Over on Instagram the SaveOFMD Crew is keeping engagement up with "Crossover Cruesday", suggesting lots of fun ofmd crossovers (including Jurassic Park!) Feel free to check them out on their stories!

Tomorrow's engagement is #WrongWednesday!

== Analysis & Trends ==

So much data regarding OFMD's rank on Max. Thank you @adoptourcrew for this awesome analysis!

FULL EPISODE: https://t.co/HFVLQgm1Um

＝Trends＝

Huh, I wonder why RHYS could be trending today?

Thanks to @iamadequate1 for catching that #OurFlagMeansDeath was trending! A lot higher than the last few days too.

==Articles==

All The Shows Canceled In 2024 On TV & Streaming (So Far)

13 TV Shows Have Been Canceled in 2024 (Including 2 Netflix Series, 4 HBO Shows & More)

== Love Notes ==

Can I just take a moment here to tell you how very proud I am of you lovelies? Like seriously, you are being so supportive and sweet towards each other. You've been sending out love and positivity and sexy things to make everyone feel better and gah I just, every time I flip through this site/cross platform I am so incredibly moved. You all are the absolute best, and I'm so very grateful to be a part of this wonderful group of misfits. I'm sure I've said this recently, but IM SAYING IT AGAIN BECAUSE I FUCKING MEAN IT. Okay sorry for the caps, but for real I love you guys (gn), you make me smile and laugh every single day and I just you make the world such a better place to be in. I hope you know just how much you matter and what an amazing job you're doing making this community great. And I just wanted to add some additional love notes from @bethdrawsthings on IG because she always has things I want to say too. Goodnight or Goodday lovelies, I can't wait to see what shenanigans and love we get up to tomorrow <3

= Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika =

ALRIGHT, alright. You might think I'm lazy in choosing the gif everyone has seen but I just can't let you leave this post without seeing it again. Plus it fits with a taika gif, I love.

Taika gif courtesy @meluli!

Rhys gif courtesy of @bizarrelittlemew right here on tumblr!

And bonus Taika cause it's #TaikaTuesday, and I feel like it follows the theme... after...whatever happens after the gifs above. @blakbonnet Ty once again for this lovely gifset <3<3<3 It's HD and Gorgeous and you rock my socks off.

hello, my loves! today marks 2 months since i began creating gifs (and the occasional gfx) on tumblr and i also reached an incredible milestone last night; 500 followers! i cannot help but feel extremely honored and appreciative of every single one of my followers and mutuals. it shocks me that i've grown and improved so quickly as a content creator, and especially that there are so many people who are willing to come on board with me to support me and observe my growth. i cannot express my gratitude enough. ♡

unfortunately, i am tremendously busy and cannot find the time outside of weekends to do anything fun to celebrate :( but at the very least, i wanted to take the time to come and thank some very special people who have contributed so much to my account's growth and to my improvement as a cc

first, some of my darling mutuals — ;

@dokyeomblr miss elv, ily! my very first mutual and one of the kindest, most pleasant people i have ever met. you never fail to make me smile with your tags and comments <3 i have admired you for so long and am so honored to be your friend and moot

@97chwe tris, who is such an inspiration to me and so very talented, who i have been in awe of for the longest; whose tracking tag i will spam endlessly and whose support i will always appreciate so genuinely

@caratonce isai, one of my first mutuals and my caratblr server buddy (we joined almost simultaneously and your familiarity was so helpful to my anxious self), i love u sm. your personality is phenomenal and your work follows. im so happy to know you and call you a friend

@soonhoonsol chey, who so consistently reblogs my content and always has the sweetest things to say. i looked up to you prior to joining as a cc and i feel so lucky to be your moot!

@jminwook bbie, one of my newer mutuals and another victim of my tracking tag spamming, who is so very supportive and so sweet

@junranghae noa, my milestone buddy (congrats again!!0 and fellow huihui! i appreciate you so much, you are so dope and always so supportive of my content! it doesn't go unnoticed at all, thank you.

@junkwan jenna, my evil twin (or am i the evil one?) — i miss seeing u around the server! you are so fun to be around and i love being ur mutual and ur friend!

@aceofvernons xan, who is normal by no stretch of the imagination yet kind and supportive of their friends on a level that is incomparable. i truly appreciate you

@wonublr & @knnovations lee and mars, creators with truly mind-blowing skill and talent... who i would still be screenshotting without the help of. i owe you guys so much credit and appreciation &lt;3

other mutuals who i thoroughly appreciate — ;

@jeonwonwoo | @woozification | @shuatonin | @injunnies | @usershua | @xuseokgyu | @shuatm | @seunievrse | @isdokyeom | @blondesoobin | @sunflower-hae | @yeonjuins | @seungkwan-s + many more

and of course, all of my caratblr server friends!

i would also like to say a quick thank you to the following people:

@melanielogs for being a phenomenal friend, for being one of my first followers, and for always believing in me and encouraging me when i didn't believe in myself and wanted to give up.

@taetheists for always listening to my ratio woes and helping me out even if i didn't request it. and yknow.. for letting me use ur photoshop. you're a good friend ♡

and,

@woozi because though i've already told you this, the fact that you so consistently engage with my content and boost it means so much to me. i don't think it's an understatement to say i owe a lot of my success here to you. and what i appreciate more than anything is that you haven't just been supportive of my works since i got good — you were right at the front of the line reblogging my grainy 'i got a free trial of photoshop, lemme mess around' gifsets. it really, truly means a lot to me and I hope you know I will always be grateful.

and with that, I'm done because this is starting to get a little Oscar's acceptance speech-y of me. thank you all so much, i hope that this is just the beginning and that i will be around to be annoying on your dash for a long time to come. ♡

Insta edit: the m series featuring cale makar.

Story Masterlist: 8 parts.

Can be read as a stand-alone, fyi: the main character has a physical disability so that is a huge factor in some of these posts.

—

-

@elizajames has posted to private story: so incredibly proud of you my kale, you deserve this so much and am so grateful to be spending the day with you and your loved ones. Let’s go have some fun🍾🍾

-

@calemakar has posted to private story: showing her around BC. 🤍

-

-

@elizajames: NHLPA, Thankyou for this opportunity! My heart is so full, knowing that all my hard word and dedication has paid off. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d get to this point. S/out to the @/coloradoavalanhe for everything this past year and a half. To my crew, I wouldn’t have been able to navigate this world without you guys. (Also, Naz and Burky please come visit soon!) to Becca, my closest confidants, biggest cheerleader and sister, couldn’t have done it without you. To my partner, Thankyou for being with me this past year and a half, you have done so much more than you realize. Incredibly grateful for the love and kindness you show me each day. Finally, my fellow warriors and supporters who have become a community over these past few years- THANKYOU!!! We did it yall!!! We took a big step!

690 likes, 200 comments

Load more comments

@becaaaa: my sweet sweet honey, so glad I’ve been in this ride with you. Only up from here ! 🤍🤍

@becaaaa: also crying in the club

@nathanmackinnon: strongest person I know James, so deserved.

↳ @elizajames: Thankyou Nate, appreciate you so much (:

@gabriellandeskog: queen shit

@gabriellandeskog: !!!!! Nobody else deserved this— congrats !

↳ @elizajames: 🥺 Thankyou gabe! See you and Mel soon!

@ericsmith: go bestie go bestie go

↳ @elizajames: 🤪🤪 thanku for being the best date !

↳ @ericsmith: hahahaha c is quaking rn

@calemakar: congratulations, very deserved.

@elizajames: 🤍🤍

@/coloradoavalanche: we are so grateful for you and what you have done for our organization, this award was meant for you! Congratulations 🍾

-

@calemakar: E, can’t wait to spend the rest of my life showing how much I love you. ❤️ @elizajames

45k likes, 1.2k comments

Load more comments

@gabriellandeskog: FINALLY

@gabriellandeskog: congrats you two!

@nathanmackinnon: congrats guys! Can’t wait to be the best man

↳ @taylormakar: get in line buddy

↳ @6erikjohnson: yeah get in line

↳ @gabriellandeskog: you are literally at the bottom of the list lol

@becaaaa: 🥹🥹 never forget my ability to make you incapable of playing hockey

↳ @calemakar: nope! Will never forget

@elizajames: can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together…just need a dog first

↳ @taylormakar: I vote for first !!!

-

@elizajames: engaged to my best friend 🤍

899 likes, 124 comments

-

1 year after wedding. Year, 2025

@calemakar: we have a new edition to the Makar coming in just a few months…couldn’t be more proud of you my love. Day after day you amaze me with your unwavering strength and faith in your body - despite any setbacks or pain. Our little one has no idea yet, just how incredibly lucky they are to have you as their mum. 🤍

Tag: Elizamakar

65k likes, 3.2k comments.

@becaaaa: hey it’s mom not ‘mum’

@calemakar: tell that to Nate

@nathanmackinnon: oh yeah, tried to explain for ten minutes and she said no. Our kids won’t be saying ‘Mum’

||

@elizamakar: incredibly amazed everyday that this is real life. I always said that I would never have kids because I felt as though I couldn’t be a great mom physically, but emotionally I would be the best mom. And the only way I’d have kids, is if I found the right partner. Cale, I found that in you. Thankyou for allowing my secret dream to come true 🫶🏻

1.4k likes, 144 comments

||

@becaaaa: oh Thankgod this secret is out. I thought I’d reveal it

@gabelandeskog: yeah, I’m shocked you kept it this long lol

@calemakar: anything for you 🤍

finally getting this out...this has been in my drafts for three months lol but hope you guys enjoyed :)

Tag: @fallinallincurls

😳 (*coughpleaseeatmeCOUGH*)

So now when you say snap, do mean you’re at poetry reading and you do little snaps like that, or do you mean shove me down on the nearest surface with my hands above my head and growl out warnings, kind of snap~? Cause either way, I’d like to see it~ 😉 Also, Sleepyanon, I feel flattered that you see us as an example of flirting cause like, half of the time when I actually TRY to flirt I feel like I’m stumbling (until I feel like Howl in the first part of Howl’s Moving Castle and sweep you off your feet with charm and finesse~), but apparently I’m a HUGE flirt when I’m not so. Besides, can’t you see Sun and I are trying to write our own erotic novel here? If it’s about Jack and the gang or if it’s about whatever we’re saying to each other is anyone’s guess, but yeah! (Tis a joke btw, but thanks for helping me get back on my feet so I don’t get defeated by Sun with my new boosted ego!) In any case, me? Cute? Honey, I think you mean a living, breathing goddess who’s made anything with a pulse forget how to speak because I’m just that radiant~ What you meant to say is that I’m exquisite, yes~? So if anything, I’ve been allowing you to toy with me because I found you worthy to be in my presence, to let you in so close that you can almost taste the sweetness I hold~ But no matter, I’m only a cute little bratty sub who’s just basking in your attention, right~? ;3 Just SO hungry for anything you can provide, tongue lapping wildly at a single drop of approval~ That’s what I am~? I’d love to see how desperate you think you could make me without having half of the tools necessary to cause me to beg for you, because so far, I’m closer to being victorious in this here battle of wits~ Maybe you should be bowing to me instead of the other way around~ 😈

And that’s as good as I’ll get when I put effort into flirting 😂 Plus, I felt more defiant so~ But I don’t mind being shown off like that, though I might do a little extra just to get you fuming mad~

100%! I can just imagine the situation where his sunshine is explaining to him what exactly 24/7 domming is after they went to the next level and he’s just standing there like, “…. so what I normally do?” 😂

AWWWW I love the idea of Ian dressing up your cage so it fits your aesthetic! Putting a tiny pumpkin inside during Halloween! So cute! Jean can’t possibly fathom why they would spend firehouse funds on sprucing up a cage or getting outfits for a DOG until he sees you in a maid outfit, and oh boy. Lol. I can see Joesph taking them back to his place when he gets alittle more needy or mad at one of the guys because he didn’t like how they treated you (*coughJeancough*) and when anyone complains he’ll just be like, “They’re MY dog so I have every right to take them home for tonight.” And the whole night he’ll just be extra snuggly with you and asking a lot “Are you sure you’re okay with this? Are they treating you alright? Am I treating you alright?” And you’d just have to reassure the poor baby that you’re enjoying life as the firehouse’s dog and that you still adore him as much as you did before this whole predicament. OOO! I like how Nick helps teach the other guys to practice safe sex and how to properly engage in those harder kinks! I think he’d have to correct Ian or Shaun a couple of times, Shaun because of his tendency of treating them like a cat and Ian because of how rough he can be at times (from his views of ecchi and how they react). I can definitely see “beg” being one of Rory’s favorite tricks he likes to see you perform~ Freaking Jean man, who knows how that conversation went down or who he talked to let your position become official, but jesus did he get it for you. And he’ll put in your face too CONSTANTLY! “You know, you wouldn’t even HAVE this job if it wasn’t for everything I did for you, so you can last a few more minutes, yeah? To show me how grateful you are to be the firehouse’s filthy mutt? Don’t give me that look, you’re the one who wanted to suck me off in the first place, whimpering that you felt so empty~” He’s a bit of a jerk about it, but he’s secretly grown to like you a lot more than he lets on. Shaun definitely tries to find memes of dogs acting like cats to justify making you meow for him around the firehouse the first couple times he makes you do it. “Look, I’m just saying if a dog can sing opera, then it’s not far fetched to have them meow! I mean, just look at those cute squishy cheeks! How could you NOT think hearing them meow wouldn’t be the most adorable thing ever?!”

I’m sure that the people you’ve come across who are/were going through similar experiences like you did appreciate having your support and perspective on both sides. Not only do you validate and comfort what they went through, but you give them hope that there can be something better to look forward to in the future, may it still be in sex work or not. It can be a tough process switching the viewpoint of a traumatizing experience from a negative perspective to a positive one, but it shows how strong of a person you are in all aspects.

Omggggg! That must be so nice to get to drive up there to see your brother!!! Got a fav adventure you went on with them in Boston? I think I’m like 4 almost 5 hours away so you’re so lucky you get to be so close!! But yeah!! Definitely try to get to Salem with Moon and him! I heard that during the whole month of October, people wear capes EVERYWHERE and if that doesn’t get you excited, I don’t know what will 😂 Ahhhh I gotcha! The whole, “Welp, look at this mess I accidentally stepped into!” Been there, done that! One time, I purposely went against my gut to see what would happen, and my whole being went NOPE the moment I opened the door to a place with extremely heavy energy. OOOOOO! You’ve got me interested, I’ve never heard of a mekubal before! If you’re okay with it, I’d love to learn more! I didn’t know that there’s no classification on what’s negative or positive in the realm of Jewish spirits/entities/demons. There’s so many different practices out there and variations on how to use the gifts we have that when I get the chance to learn more, I jump at the opportunity! Expanding the mind more and seeing through the eyes of others has always been a big thing for me since there’s never one right way to do things. Very big on researching lol I work with Archangels of light, Saints, and Guardian Angels of Light, but at the same time I don’t belong to any Catholic faith (pretty sure I’d be considered a witch and have been told I’m going to hell by someone I was close friends with from what I do), go to a Christian church but not connecting to their faith (I know there’s a universal energy because wouldn’t have experienced half the things I had without there being something), but I use oracle cards, runes, pendulums, crystals, all that fun stuff while getting really strong pulls from the Norse side of things (ain’t jumping into that until I have better sources to learn from. Fool me once!) and being a Reiki level 2 practitioner so I’m definitely a mixed bag here. Apparently, I also would cry every time my parents passed by a church as a baby, even before they knew one was coming up, I would constantly say I wasn’t Catholic passionately, and my baby ramblings sounded demonic so my parents at one point considered if I WAS one or not so yeah 😂 But that’s actually really interesting! As for Jack, I never considered him to be a dybbuk, but that’s an interesting theory! My whole thing, though I don’t know what kind, was basically pointing out that Jack is a demon instead of a ghost. From what I’ve learned, ghosts have free will because when we’re put on Earth, we were given free will. Demons however HAVE to follow certain rules. For example, they can’t possess a person unless the person wants them to. Demons can be exorcised. Human souls can’t. You would have to literally change the energy inside your body to make it uncomfortable enough to make a spirit leave. I’m gonna have to find my binder before I dive deeply into this but the people I’ve learned most of what I know are both demonologists who’ve fought against that stuff for years, but any information they gave to the class was based on how to protect yourself and to diminish the idea that any negative is demonic. Most of the time it’s just an angry or grumpy ghost!

Holy helllll, okay, yeah, that’s, um HOT 🥵 That just hit places I didn’t expect to hit LOL Brain goes BRRRRRR Like, most of this has been fun, innocent flirting, but like that last sentence MMPH! Getting into some dannnnngerous territory right there! If you don’t want THAT kind of reaction from me, then I’d be careful on what ya say there sir! Jussst sayin! Like, I’ve been able to stay away from horny jail, but that’s a one way ticket right there! It’s definitely a DIFFERENT feeling haha

-🎃

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm now I'm tempted to write some stuff for this firefighter AU.............. Jean absolutely didn't get it until he saw you in a maid dress and then he was like "oh okay we need to make this a full time position." Also Joseph being soooooo sweet about it, yes!!! He and Nick especially are big on checking in with you and making sure you're still up for all of it. And making sure the others give you a break if you ever need one. Not that you do~ I do love the idea of Jean holding it over your head to make you do the most depraved things for him. Because he's the reason you have a job! How can you say no to him? Poor Shaun is just hoping to convince the others to maybe dress you as a cat for Halloween or something.

Oh yeah, demons in Judaism can be good, bad, or neutral. Shedim are just sorta Dudes With Powers rather than anything particularly good or bad. Dybbukim on the other hand are pretty much always malicious/causing trouble. They're the spirits of the unfulfilled, essentially, and they're trying to achieve a particular goal. I could definitely see Jack being a demon though! And it's really cool how much you know about this stuff, I just stick to kabbalah really cause that's the culture I was brought up in, but I did take a bunch of courses in uni about witchcraft and the history of various forms of magic and folklore! They were super cool to learn about!

brothers are a whole other thing LMAO they’re crazy. they will literally call you the stupidest person they’ve met in their life but then buy u ur favorite ice cream at 2AM.

i always tell my sister that i’m so grateful i had her to help me grow up and that i get so sad when i realize she never had an older sister. her response is always that she never thought of it like that but she thinks she was made to be an older sister. i swear you guys are built different, not everyone can handle being an older sister and i have SO much appreciation for u all !!!

i promise you that your mom is 100% right. she probably ADORES you but just doesn’t wanna admit it bc youngest sibling pride yk ?😭 i refuse to believe otherwise bc i sincerely feel like you’re PERFECT sister material. dependent, funny, mature, so sooo kind.

new songs on rotation !! i’ve rlly been enjoying What I Am by zayn and Tejano Blue by cigarettes after sex

i hope you know all i can think about is Ding part 3 :) like omg it’s just been on my mind 24/7 and i can’t wait to read whatever you have. idk if you have this planned out yet, or not, but how many parts do you see this series being ??

I DID SLEEP HAHA i’ve been feeling off these past few days and i woke up SICK today🙁 it’s not too bad just a sore throat and a runny nose but i do hope it goes away soon because i have a friend’s engagement party to attend on the weekend (but im literally drinking a cold diet dr. pepper rn so i have no clue how i expect to feel better lol)

have the best day ever sam !!!

~🎶

That's so sweet about brothers 😭 I could have used that too growing up!

My sister and I sound WAY less mushy than you and your sister (no shade, just different relationships obviously) but that's so sweet! I can totally see where she's coming from I don't think I could be a younger sister. The vibe would be so off and you'd be able to tell I was not meant to be a younger sister hahahahahaha YOU'RE SO SWEET 😭😭 my sister calls me every day (even when I don't want her to because I have been girl-rotting all week on my vacation and have nothing to report) so I get annoyed with her pretty easily but I do enjoy talking to her. I wish she would put a little more effort into idk taking care of our parents? I don't live at home anymore so I feel like I'm still doing all the grunt kind of work that she could just do because she's AT HOME? but idk. she's a Drama Queen™ or maybe I am and I'm just being bossy 😂

I am putting the final touches on Ding part 3 so it's ready to go for Monday hehehehe I'm really excited about it! I think it will be my favorite part honestly. At least right now. I have it outlined for 7 parts right now! (I think i told someone 8 at one point but I did it in roman numerals and I'm dumb and can't read). But 7 is what I have right now. However it could change because I think parts 4 and 5 could end up being one part. I'm really not sure. Part of my outline for part 5 literally says "filler episode" so it's meant to be a next to nothing update.

UGH! I'm not sure where you're from but I live in New England and it's starting to be spring around here and I usually get a allergy-attack-turned-cold around now and I'm dreading it because it's SO unfair to be sick during the warmer weather. Maybe mix in some water with your Dr. Pepper hahahah Also! I truly believe cranberry juice has medicinal values. OOH I haven't listened to too much Zayn, tragic on my own part. I've heard clips of his new song Alienated though and I'm loving it! I've never heard of Tejano Blue, I will give that a listen as well!

I just made my Spring 2024 playlist--it's a lot of old stuff I've listened to in the past (don't listen to the Stuck on the Floor song I have at the bottom--it's for sad-girl hours hahahaha)

Hope you feel better!

xoxo

TESTIMONIALS

“Tarot readings with Shaina have been jaw-dropping in their accuracy. Guided meditations bring nagging questions into clear focus. We have received messages in our late son's vernacular, that we clearly recognize as his “voice”- the essence of his spirit. Shaina has never wavered in her confidence or humility. Yes, both. Though she is humble about her gifts, her confidence in their authenticity shines through. Shaina is a sweet, gentle, compassionate soul, we are grateful to have in our lives.” - Shelley and Chris Buck (Film Director- Los Angeles, CA, USA.)

“When you enter into a session with Shaina you get the immediate sense that she genuinely wants to help. Her calming and understanding presence alone is healing and centering, and she creates a space that is safe and clear of illusion or judgment…People have to earn my trust, and I heavily value ethics and honor. So, when I tell you I trust this person and see them as a mentor that I value a lot- it holds weight.”

“Shaina’s intuition and empathy is extremely impressive. She always knows exactly where the blockage is, and where it is living in my body…She taps into you and leads you to the tools you’ll need next on your journey. She treats divination like the sacred act it is, and she is very grounded and sincere in her approach.”

"As a professor of anthropology, I tend to regard tarot and other 'new age' practices with a mix of fascination and skepticism...the experience was not what I expected in many ways, and in other ways it was precisely what I envisioned. Shaina is always an engaging, attentive and generous interlocutor; someone who really listens to your stories and engages with your thoughts and feelings in a way that reflects her understanding of YOUR experience, as opposed to someone who simply puts HERSELF in your shoes. It's perhaps this capacity - as a truly empathetic person that makes her such an amazing tarot practitioner. She takes your story, your energy, your situation, and helps you to understand it more clearly in a way that makes sense to YOU. Perhaps it's the lack of hubris that Shaina brings to the practice that makes her so compelling. She's not there to prove anything, to mete out wisdom that only she has access to, or to position herself as some kind of authority figure. Rather, she works with you, through you, using the tools she has at hand, to bring a truly enriching experience. Shaina, for all the reasons I mentioned, but especially because of her capacity for genuine, unpretentious and generous empathy, has a gift for tarot. If you've ever been 'taro-curious', I would highly recommend seeking a reading with Shaina." - Tanya J. King (Anthropology Professor. Melbourne, Australia)

“I have received guidance from Shaina Wexler for three years. I am a transgender guy and during my transition, spiritual awakening, and healing journey, her holistic guidance has been one of my favorite tools in my toolbox. Initially I was only going to her for vocal coaching, but her skills in healing breathwork and healing movements—along with her talents in channeling, divining, spiritual interpretation and insight—have all worked together in this beautiful way that has allowed me to unlock the self confidence, personal empowerment, and self knowledge I have needed in order for me to access my real voice.” - Devin Atticus (Tik-Tok Personality, Creative, Artist. San Francisco, CA, USA.)

I have a question and I’m SO sorry if it’s too personal - please disregard.

But as someone who is aro and/or ace, do you still enjoy reading romances/even smut? Or is it incredibly uninteresting or weird to you?

Haha no worries I don't mind answering! I don't mind romance at all, I even get really into some of them, but I'm REALLY picky about it. If I don't find the romance narratively interesting it tends to annoy me when it takes away "screentime" from concepts that actually are. Having said that, idk if that's the aroace in me, or the literary snob. Or maybe both loL

But some people can write some RIDICULOUSLY engaging romances, and I am SO here for it. At its base, the concept of taking two (or more) characters who are interesting and engaging on their own, and then putting them together and exploring every aspect of that can be absolutely fascinating. It's a good vehicle to really get into each's head, what they want from a partnership, how their flaws grate on one another, what their dynamic looks like and if it changes. I especially enjoy when things don't work out in the end. We have so many romances where everything is sweet and fluffy and goes off without a hitch and like sure, I get the appeal, but man when something takes it a different direction and just uses romance to raze these characters to the ground MAN it hits different. In the end I think the key is that both (or more) characters have to be interesting on their own, first, so then you can play chemist to see what kind of explosion happens when you throw them together (also, it makes it clearer to understand why these guys might want to be together in the firstplace, yknow?)

I'm very much not into smut, though, sorry to say. Moreso on the uninteresting side, I get why people might like it, it just doesn't interest me at all.

Time to rest your weary head: The End!

FIRST AND FOREMOST; I KNOW it took me a DAMN LONG TIME to update this, but lemme explain: This was my first fanfiction ever written in english, my first Gwynriel long-fic and the first fanfic I ever published and I didn't want to finish it (although I knew it must come to an end)

I am so grateful for all the love, likes, kudos on AO3, comments and reblogs I've been getting since I first started posting it. You have NO IDEA how much it meant to me; I've always found myself a little insecure to post my own fiction work, but this one have payed off and it's all thanks to you guys!!!!

To @katiebellf the one who lovingly suggested WRITE A FANFICTION OUT OF THIS bday headcanon and i sure as hell did!!! To @madie2200 and @starbornsinger for being so supportive and always making sure I'd get feedback, and to @thecrispypotatochip for your constant reblogs with your opinions + to every kind soul out here in this crazy virtual space that made sure to make me feel loved! (i see you all, and i love you)

ANYWAY, that's it guys! <3 This chapter of my life is finally over (ik i'm being HELLA DRAMATIC but put up with me!!!!! i love gwynriel!!!!) and I can't wait for you to see what's to come :) (btw i know i'm technically LATE since here in my brazilian timezone it's 1AM but think on the bright side... I hope y'all have a great dinner/breakfast/lunch surprise :)

Chapter List here and my personal Gwynriel hymn that inspired the title of this fic RIGHT HERE

PART 15: FINAL.

Azriel knew what he had to do.

As he beheld the circle of people in front of him all gathered around the dining table, his family, he felt a sense of calmness and quietude he hadn’t for a long, long time. His eyes quickly landed on Gwyn, who was motioning for him to sit by her side.

It was dinner night at the River House, and he had it all planned out. His shadows bounced around his shoulders as he took the seat next to his mate. As she engaged in a conversation with Emerie and Feyre, Nesta and Cassian leaned on each other, Rhys played with Nyx while Mor and Amren discussed about something he couldn’t bring himself to care about, he felt at ease. Peaceful.

Gwyn held his hand under the table, and he let his shadows hung around her freely. It was almost as they belonged to her, and not him. They had started doing it a lot more often, so the Inner Circle was supposed to be more used to it by now. Still, Azriel ignored Amren’s inquisitive eyebrow and turned his gaze to his mate; those teal eyes were eyeing him, and she squeezed his hand, giving him an almost imperceptible nod; a go-ahead sign.

Just like they had previously talked.

“There’s something you should know” Azriel started, immediately earning the attention of almost everyone at the table, since it wasn’t every day he opened up like that. Only Gwyn kept staring at her lap, a faint blush on her cheeks.

“Is everything ok?” Nesta was the one who asked.

“We’re mates.” She blurted out, startling him – and everyone around, for that matter. He looked at her, amused, and then at the confusion that reigned across the table. In a second, a squealing Nesta and Emerie lunched forward and embraced his mate in a tight and equally loud hug, while Cassian spitted his drink, Mor clapped and Amren muttered a “tell me something new”, quietly smiling and raising her glass at Azriel anyway.

Only Rhys and Feyre stood in silence at their spots at the table, knowing smiles mirrored on their faces quickly noticed by Nesta, still with her arms around Gwyn.

“Why are you two so quiet?” Her eyes missed nothing, raising her chin at her sister and her mate. Rhys merely took a sip from his drink.

“They already knew.” Azriel found himself saying, and Nesta’s stare darted to him, and then to Gwyn, who was still flushed from all the fuss.

“And you knew they knew?” She furrowed her brows; he couldn’t identify if her tone was menacing or curious, but Gwyn wasn’t the one to feel intimidated by it, given the way she chuckled in response.

“It was all me.” Rhys raised his hands. “It was an accident; I didn’t mean to pry.”

“I need to train more on my mental shields, apparently.” It was all the priestess admitted, but kindly smiled at Rhysand and Feyre from across the table. “The High Lo- Rhysand, I mean- kept it safe for me. He found out earlier than Azriel did.”

“You were the one to realize first?” Nesta sat again at her spot besides Cassian, and turned to her friend surprised. Gwyn smiled smugly.

“By a short amount of time” Azriel couldn’t help but grunt out, unconsciously falling into their usual banter.

Her warm eyes landed on him, and she winked, still with that Cauldron-damned smile on, causing shivers all over him.

“Still” She shrugged irreverently and smirked playfully. “I knew it before you. Quite the Spymaster, huh?”

If everyone else at the table stilled slightly at her words, all but Cassian, who bellowed in laughter, Azriel couldn’t notice. Not when his mate’s stare was unfaltering, with that challenging look in her eyes she knew he loved. He immediately found himself joining his brother, again not caring if it was the first in a damn long time his family even heard him laugh like that.

Some time passed between casual conversation and sips of wine. In that time, Azriel was secretly arranging his next words in his mind. Just like Gwyn and he had previously discussed, the news went well; as deep down, he knew it would. His family had understood and cherished them both, and Azriel reveled in the peace it brought him, quietly admiring those people around him.

When his eyes landed at Gwyn, though, deeply immersed in conversation with Rhysand, he took in a deep breath, determined. There was still one more thing he had to do, one more thing she wasn’t yet aware. Something he knew, in his heart, was the right thing to do. Was the best thing he could do.

“Rhys” He called, and Gwyn immediately turned her head to him, eyes shining with pure curiosity. “There’s one more thing.”

He leaned in closer to his brother, resting his arm behind Gwyn’s chair. Rhysand’s expression was equally intrigued, but his voice was calm and collected when he answered: “Shoot, brother.”

“I need a break.”

“Oh?” Rhysand’s eyebrows shot up with surprise.

“Oh?” Gwyn echoed quietly.

Her burning gaze made him tear his eyes from Rhysand and stare back at her; something was glimmering in her teal ocean eyes. He couldn’t discern what it was. The rest of his family was still talking to each other, though the conversation had dimmed a bit.

“I have well trained spies all over the country; I could spend the rest of this week getting them ready to take my place for a little while. I’d be back in two weeks, if you’d let me.” Azriel continued.

Rhysand smiled broadly and promptly retorted: “What about two months?”

Gwyn gasped beside him. Something stirred within Azriel’s chest. Two whole months, with Prythian in the verge of a possible war, didn’t seem wise at all, and he was well aware of the fact.

But Cauldron-damn him, he wanted that. Needed that.

Suddenly, a vision of a shining blue lake under the afternoon sun came into his field of view. In his fingers, loose strands of a long copper hair, like burning fire under the sunlight. The only thing he could hear was the chirps of birds and the soft breathing of the young priestess who rested against his chest. For whatever reason, he could see it.

He felt his brother’s claws against his mental shield, bringing him back from his reverie:

You deserve it, brother. You two deserve this and more.

He had to blink away the tears that he felt coming up, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Then he looked at Gwyn, that smiling, powerful force of nature sitting next to him. He finally understood what that was in her eyes; the same thing Rhysand showed in his.

Pride.

And he knew his answer.

EPILOGUE

A few years later

Azriel woke up to soft humming. He squinted against the morning light, and frowned when he found the other side of the bed empty. His fae senses discerned the familiar voice coming from the bathroom, a voice he always seemed drawn to.

He lazily got up and followed the sweet melody that woke him up and lived in his dreams; leaning against the door frame, he watched as Gwyn slowly brushed her damp hair, the smell of lavender filling up the air:

"Hey, you"

Gwyn turned around, and smiled softly at him. That morning sight still made his heart flutter, even if it's been years now since they shared rooms in the House of Wind.

"Good morning, love" She neared him and placed a quick kiss on his lips. "What are you doing up? Thought you weren't tutoring today."

"I'm not" He hummed, embracing her. "But the bed was getting cold."

His arms felt perfect around her back as she placed her hands behind his neck.

"Ha-ha" She pouted, rolling her eyes at his little drama "My Ilyrian boy is missing me already? It's been less than fifteen minutes"

"What can I do? I love my mate and don't want her to leave me just yet."

She looked thoughtful, a playful smile on her lips: "Well, I suppose I still got time before I hit the library..."

In a second, Azriel was picking her up in his arms and carefully laying her on their bed as she laughed, and he admired just how flushed she got after a hot shower. Gods, he could never get tired of that view. He started peppering her face with kisses, trailing down her neck and smirking against her skin as he heard her sigh and claw her hands on his hair.

"Az..." She murmured after a few seconds.

There's something.

The fact that his shadows had to alert him that made his head shot up and stare into those deep eyes in front of him. She was still smiling, but faintly, and gently stroked his hair as if to soothe him.

He straightened up, leaning on an elbow to face her.

"What?"

"I think we should discuss something."

She seemed nervous, but her tone left nothing to the imagination. Whatever something that was, Gwyneth Berdara was already set on it.

He nodded, brows furrowed.

"You know I love you, and I'm so happy the way things are going. But lately, with you training Ren to one day replace you as Spymaster and me opening up the public library in Velaris, well..."

He swallowed, feeling his heartbeat fasten. But she only smiled further:

"I feel like we should do it now. Accept the bond."

Seconds passed and Azriel didn't know what to say, as he scanned her face for any kind of discomfort or insecurity. There was none. A jest, maybe? Could it be...

"I'm not joking, Shadowsinger. In case you're wondering."

She interrupted his thoughts, and brushed her hands against his hair once more, pulling him closer to her.

"Gwyn, you..." He was speechless, something in his chest glowing brighter and brighter he felt it could burst out of him any minute now.

"I want this, Azriel. And have been wanting it for a long, long time." She breathed in "Do you still..."

"Yes. Yes." He answered in a breathless laugh; the reality of it hitting him. They were doing it. Mates. Forever.

"Mating ceremony and all?" She joined him in laughter now, they both beaming. Azriel felt his cheeks hurt.

"Whatever you say, Gwyn. I'd love whatever you wish. I just want to be with you for the rest of my life." The words came rushing out, but he didn't care. Not when his mate closed the space between them and kissed him intently.

-----------------

Gwyn didn't go to the library that day, after all. They prefer focusing on other more... Urgent matters after their talk.

As they lay in bed together a few hours later, Azriel felt utter peace. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of Gwyn's body tightly embraced in him, her hair soft against his chin, her breathing even on his chest.

He suddenly remembered this ancient tune his mother used to sing to him when he was no more than a kid. It was a sweet, tender lullaby about peace and tranquility. The one song he always remembered to sing against the darkness. One that seemed to originate from every cell in his body, intrinsic to who he was.

Lately, that song's been bringing him comfort and solace for one more reason. And he was singing it to her now.

And if Gwyn didn't move, nor shift her position, he knew exactly why. Moments in which he sang were rare, since he much preferred to hear his mate's powerful voice. And that song, that one tune meant so much to him, he knew she could sense it. He could feel her smile against his chest.

His shadows expanded and retracted around them both, cocooning them in darkness and playing around the room; temporarily set free.

He felt himself slowly giving in to a peaceful slumber as he went on:

And you would say

"Time to rest your weary head

Take your wings and go to bed

I know you want to show it all, my darling"

And I'd say

"Set me down and rock me, rock me to sleep"

All he sensed before sleep took over him was one, single kiss against his cheek, and a soft whisper against his ear.

He loved her too.

The Hook

Prompt: “Tell me to stop touching you.” “No.”

Chapter One: Meeting

Ling was supposed to be meeting his future husband. Not right now, but soon. Far too soon.

When he was a child, before his mother had unveiled the curse of his lineage, he had dreamed of love. He had dreamed of sweet arms around his shoulders. He had dreamed of his love’s hair tickling his nose while they laid under the Xing stars and fell asleep.

And now his heart was breaking.

And maybe that was why he was one bottle down on the sweet wine, shirt loose and feet bare in the gardens. His vision blurred, only a little, but that made it easier to pretend the white flowers in the arches were stars. But no amount of drunken stupor could turn alone into not alone.

Inside the palace was a feast. People chattered on without him, somehow not bothering to find him in his own party. So far away but close enough he could still hear the band’s music warbling through the night air. It hadn’t been difficult at all to slip a bottle into his jacket and disappear through the back doors.

He should have grabbed two bottles, he thought. “Maybe I can go back in and leave again.”

“Not a fan of this kind of thing?”

The voice came from somewhere above him. He didn’t feel like turning his head to see who it was. “What?”

“Do you usually make a habit of slipping away and drinking yourself stupid, or is today an exception?” A foot nudged his, the sensation of hard leather unpleasant against his skin. “I don’t think your new husband will approve.”

“Oh, shut up.” Ling closed his eyes. He didn’t recognize the voice. Whoever it was could fuck off. “If you tell on me, I’ll just run away and then what? You’ll look like the guy who ruined the first royal marriage in Xing in almost a hundred years.”

Which was only because the last emperor had married when he was barely more than a child and then not died until he was so decrepit as to be near dust. Still, so few remembered the last wedding that all of Xing was going wild for the chance to celebrate.

“I don’t envy you.” The voice got a lot closer. “Do you have more?”

Ling sighed. The empty bottle waved around, his grip tight on the neck to ensure he didn’t drop it on his head. “No. All empty.”

“Do you want more?” A clinking sounded beside him as the bottle was suddenly gone. “Or do you think you’ll get sick?”

“I am still engaged?”

“Unless the bastard drops dead of a heart attack.”

Ling could see bright blond hair, glowing dully gold in the lamplight. “Well, then. Please, give me more to drink.”

“So polite for an emperor.”

“Politeness is a whole language, and I am fluent.” Ling struggled to push himself up. “I’m only impolite to people I really like.”

“You just told me to shut up.” The blond chuckled.

“And you brought more wine. I obviously have excellent skills of perception.” Ling grabbed the bottle and greedily drank a mouthful.

The stranger only laughed again.

Ling liked the sound of it. He looked at the stranger, struggling to focus. These weren’t exactly small bottles of wine. The man was pretty.

“Thanks, though the last person to call me pretty was a lot smaller than you.” The person took a long, loud drink. Ling hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but he didn’t regret it.

“I’m not going to remember you in the morning, you know.” Ling wiped his arm across his eyes. “In case you’re trying to get some kind of favor.”

The man got quiet, his face suddenly stern. “I’m not trying to get anything from you. You just looked so… scared. When you went outside.”

Ling felt the tears gathering. Why should he care? Why should it matter to him if this stranger saw him cry? An arm wound around his shoulders and Ling cried into a warm chest.

“I’m Edward.” The bottle was pressed back into his hand. “I’m from Xerxes. Or was, I guess.”

Ling thought the name Edward sounded familiar. And if it sounded familiar to him… from Xerxes? He was too drunk to really think it through, but he had a feeling that Edward from Xerxes wasn’t just some guy. “Ed from Xerxes. Do you want to lay down with me?”

“You’re way too drunk for all that.” Ed’s arm swung away from his shoulder. Ling groaned and grabbed the arm again.

“Not like that.” Ling flung himself back, and the stranger Ed followed. “Just lay and look at the stars.”

“Those are flowers,” Ed said but it was too late. Ling was already asleep.

--

He woke up the next morning with a headache that threatened to split his face in two. His mouth was dry. Drool dried on his chin. Someone was moving just outside his view. “Lan Fan?”

“Yes?” His best friend was busy not looking at him.

“How bad did it go last night?”

“Grandfather found you asleep in the garden.” She bit her lip.

“Was I alone?” He had the shape of a memory. Of a person, kind and warm and pretty.

She burned red. She gestured on the chair beside his bed. “You were alone, but.”

A red jacket lay across the back. It was well crafted. Ling got the impression it was also very soft. Bits of grass stuck to the sleeves. “This was covering me?”

“Yes. You were clutching it quite possessively.” She hesitated. “Did… Did anything happen?”

“If I say yes, do I get to not get married?”

“Unfortunately, Sire, I think not.” She reached over and brushed his hair away from his eyes, placing a firm kiss against his forehead. “Though, the fact you didn’t turn into a mess tells me enough.”

Ling rubbed at his eyes. He yawned and tried to ignore the anxiety swelling in his chest. “Well, I guess we best get the day started.”

All his insides felt tangled and wrong. A sour taste permeated his mouth. He swung his feet over the edge of his bed, thumping his feet against the floor. The smooth wood was cold and grounding. He felt a little less wobbly now.

He ran his hand over the jacket, brushing off bits of grass from the sleeves. A lavish dining hall full of people, all there to celebrate his engagement, and only a single person sought him out. He struggled to remember the stranger’s face or his voice or anything. All he could remember was being so alone, and then not, wanting to watch the stars fade into morning. And then nothing.

“Lan Fan, do you know who this belongs to?” Ling picked the jacket up, slid it over his shoulders. It was too small.

“I don’t, Sire.” She chewed on his cheek, a habit she had when she wanted to say something but was too nervous.

“Don’t worry, I’m not. Expecting anything.” He sighed and laid the jacket back onto his chair. “I understand my duty to Xing.”

The words grated against his mouth like nails. He scrubbed the inside of his mouth with a toothbrush. Lan Fan finished fiddling with his breakfast, which he was certainly not touching, and left him to get organized for the day.

He needed to bathe. His hair was filled with small bits of twigs and grass. “Ugh.”

He didn’t have anywhere to be too early this morning. The advisors had assumed he’d be worn out from his party and would need time to recover. They were fully right, of course. Just not for the reason they’d assumed.

He poured perfume and salt into his tub, filling it with the hottest water he could stand. And he spent the next hour scrubbing the sweat and dirt and sick-sweet smell of wine from his body and his hair. Try as he might, he couldn’t scrub himself free of even the vague memories of last night.

“Hm. Red jacket, huh?” He glanced at the chair. It was a nice jacket. Surely whoever was missing it would want it back. And he owed them some kind of thanks for keeping him company. Right? “I’m sure someone knows who you belong to.”

He sat in the bath until it was cool and the bubbles had disappeared. The smell of sandalwood and fire still hung around the room, but his stomach had settled not long after he’d crawled into the water.

Mind made up, Ling pulled a simple white shirt over his head, loose and cool, and shimmied into a simple pair of dark pants. His skin felt raw, everything too sensitive and overstimulated. A dull throbbing ached behind his eyes. Pulling the brush through his hair threatened to throw him into a migraine, so he didn’t risk tying his hair back. He lay back on the bed again for who knows how long, mind drifting through what he was meant to do now and what his options really were.

The late afternoon sun was red, hovering just above setting. Ling had wasted a whole day of his freedom locked away in his room. He’d have to shake himself out of this. He gave himself a full body shake, in each of his limbs and through his hair, imagining all of this feeling falling off his body like water. His mother had taught him that technique, and usually it worked.

Maybe not so well today. Still. He grabbed the jacket from the chair, taking a chance to really look it over. Bright red, finely crafted. Mostly just a rectangle with a long, ruched sleeve holding it together at either end. The fabric was soft, woven. Stitched, very carefully, into the back was the Xerxian lion.

A memory floated up through the haze of last night. It was still soft all around the edges, not quite set, but enough that Ling thought he could at least test it out. Someone had told him they were from Xerxes… or used to be… Someone named Ed. Well, everyone from the party would still be here tonight. A Xingese engagement celebration lasted for a full week. In a usual situation, it would be a week where he and his lover did not see each other, so that they might have a chance to dedicate themselves to their friends and their families, and allow anticipation to grow for the day they saw each other again.

For Ling, the engagement party would end, and he would meet this Amestrian for the first time. From there, he was expected to be united with his husband. And his husband with him.

But already, Ling was getting the shit end of this deal. His husband had chosen him. Ling had been advised that this was a wise match--his future husband’s military strength was impressive, and the man was said to be handsome, if a bit gruff. The advisors had outlined how a marriage of this type would confirm Ling’s rule--no one would be able to challenge his proclamations any more. Not without risking the weight of the Amestrian military crushing them.

It wasn’t how Ling wanted to rule. A people loyal under threat were not loyal at all. But the clans still fought, day to day. And the people were distrustful of him and his youth. The Amestrian he was meant to be marrying was supposed to be older, experienced. It made Ling’s skin crawl.

He’d gone through hell to get here. He’d rather be miserable than let all the lives he took and all the things Lan Fan had endured go to waste. So he’d agreed. Like a man with his neck in the noose, he’d agreed.

Now, though. Now his fingers buzzed with the feel of the fabric. He hadn’t bothered to put on shoes yet. With any luck he’d be mistaken for one of the many guests around and his guards would leave him alone. If he only kept his face out of view.

He didn’t know why he was so interested in whoever owned this jacket. It wouldn’t matter. And if he was right, it would only make it worse.

He began in the west wing, sidling up behind one of his housekeepers who was nosily dusting a very dustless vase. He assumed her diligence had very little to do with the state of his Palace and several-greats-grandfather’s priceless pottery and everything to do with the very loud and unsavory sounds coming from the room behind the vase. “It’s not unusual for people to pair up at these kinds of shindigs, you know.”

Ling kept his voice low, his presence unassuming. She jumped anyway, tossing the duster in her hand clear over his head. It was quite a feat, considering he was at least a foot and half taller than her. She was mousy and plump, every bit the picture of the nosy old woman. “Sire!”

“Well, hello there. You seem quite,” he glanced pointedly at the gleaming vase, “committed to your duties. Would you mind telling me if you recognize this?”

She took one glance at the red jacket and her face relaxed. “Oh, that’s just the Amestrian alchemist's uniform.”

Ling frowned. He would have noticed that. “Are you sure? Look here, it has this lion on the back of it.”

She barely glanced back at it. “It’s been customized. But I just washed about a dozen of those. You can see here how the sleeves have been taken in, so as not to smudge the chalk.”

Ling frowned. “So, is there a Xerxian alchemist in the Amestrian alchemists program?”

“I’m sorry, Sire. Not that I know of.” She eyed the jacket again. “I can take that for you, if you’d like. It needs a good washing.”

Ling pulled it away just before she was able to grab it. He winked at her. Her lined cheeks turned bright red. The jacket flung casually over his shoulder, and he walked quickly away from her. “No, I’d like to return it myself.”

By the time he found someone else to ask, someone who wasn’t a housekeeper or cook or any other nosy body, the sun was sinking. He was nearly out of time. Dinner was starting soon, and he’d have to be dressed and suitable for addressing the people. So he was less smooth this time, when he finally stopped someone who looked not at all familiar. “Do you know whose this is?”

Immediately, he sensed danger. The person he asked grinned, their eyes way too wide and excited to be a casual reaction. Instinctively he pulled the jacket back to his chest. “Yeah, you know. I do. Hold on.”

The person turned back towards the room they’d been coming out of. “Oh, Ed! Someone has something of yours. He’s handsome, too.”

“Al, I swear to God if you’re fucking with me--”

And Ling suddenly had another memory as the golden haired man stuck his face out the door. “You are pretty.”

And then the door slammed in his face. Like, painfully. He rubbed his nose, feeling underneath for blood. Maybe it would bruise.

The door inched open, and Ling saw a still grinning Al. “Sorry about that. He’s not used to people calling him pretty. I’ll send him right out.”

Ling wasn’t standing around for long before the man returned. He covered his nose and held out the jacket. “You left this.”

“I thought you said you weren’t going to remember me.” The man scowled.

“I assume that’s why you left a clue behind?”

“You were completely shitfaced.” The scowl deepened. “I couldn’t just leave you there, uncovered.”

“I get it, you felt sorry for me. I didn’t become Emperor of Xing by getting embarrassed by stuff like that.” Ling ran his hands through his hair. “Would you like to go to dinner with me? I want to repay you for your kindness.”

Al was watching them both with a grin stretched across their face. “Your kindness, Ed.”

“Do they usually act like this?” He wasn’t sure if he was meant to laugh or if he was being laughed at.

“Yes, they do. When it’s me, at least.” Ed rubbed his hand over his face. “Well, I guess. Let’s go.”

Ling looked down at his clothes. “I’m not wearing shoes.”

“Yeah, you should take care of that.” Ed’s scowl was maybe just permanently fixed there. Was it possible Ling was making a mistake?

He’d just opened his mouth to tell Ed that he wasn’t required to eat dinner with him, if he didn’t want. Sometimes that happened too--people assumed when he asked something, that it wasn’t a real question. So he’d stopped asking for things, usually, unless it was an order. Or he was talking to Lan Fan.

Ed waved him off before he could speak, reaching for his jacket. “So, are you ok?”

Ling’s mouth snapped shut. He hadn’t expected that. “What?”

“Are you ok?” Ed gave him a worried look. “You seemed pretty messed up last night. I mean, by the time I found you.”

“I’m doing better.” Ling lied.

“That’s good to know.” Ed shrugged his jacket back on. “I don’t know how often I can get away with sneaking out to the garden with you and drinking ourselves senseless.”

Ling blushed. “Ok, well, you know. You don’t have to remind me.”

“Apparently you remembered all on your own.” Ed shook his head, his blond braid swinging behind him. “So, are you going to change, or are you planning a soft rebellion?”

A soft rebellion sounded nice. Ling did not consider his bare feet to be a soft rebellion. “I’ll be stopping by my room, briefly. Feel free to follow me if you like.”

Ling had meant it as a teasing, assuming that he’d meet Ed in the dining hall. Yet, when he headed down the hallway that led to his rooms, Ed followed behind, ticking off artifacts and paintings on his fingers. The run of his fingertips against the wall sounded unusual.

“Are you wearing… Metal gloves?” Ling paused, listening more closely.

“No, actually. The opposite.” Ed tapped his fingers purposefully on the wall. It made a loud, satisfying tinking sound “Wanna see?”

Ling quirked a brow. “See your hands?”

“Well, hand.” Ed wiggled his fingers on his right hand, a thin white glove covering whatever was making the metallic sound against Ling’s walls. Carefully, one finger at a time, Ed took the gloves off to reveal a metal hand. “See, I’m wearing cloth gloves. What you heard was me.”

Ling moved closer, nearly touching Ed’s fingertips before he caught himself. “Is it ok if I touch it?”

“I--uh, yeah? Most people just do.” Ed rubbed the back of his head with his other hand. “Thanks for asking.”

The gratitude surprised him. “It’s your hand. I wouldn’t be happy if someone just grabbed my hand without warning.”

Ed’s face split into a grin. “You know, you’re right.”

Ling shook his head, placing his hand gently against the metal. Cool, jagged edges pressed back against his palm. “Can you feel my hand?”

He didn’t look up to see if Ed responded. He brushed the tips of the metal caps with his fingertips. They weren’t sharp, like he’d expected. And the oval plate meant to be the base of the thumb was smooth, polished nearly naked by use. It was art, Ling thought to himself. He pressed his hand against Ed’s once more. Art in a more real way than Ling had ever seen--art of a person to a degree he’d never been able to accomplish. His fingers stretched out beyond the edge of the metal, his palm just a smidge wider. “My hands are bigger than yours.”

Ed coughed and pulled his hand back. “You’re... I didn’t expect you to be that interested. Usually it’s, kind of like a. Like a party trick, you know?”

“Are you nervous?” Ling had gotten too close. He stepped back and turned on his heel. “Your arm is beautiful.”

“People don’t usually have an opinion on it.” Ed frowned. “Well, unless they’re automail mechanics, but then it’s nothing like that.”

Ling laughed. “Then what do people usually say?”

Ed considered for a moment. “Nothing. They usually are surprised that I've got a metal arm, say something about how I’m an inspiration or something, and then we move on. Automail mechanics usually go all gaga and ask me for Winry’s number.”

They’d made their way to Ling’s rooms. “Do you feel like an inspiration?”

“No. Can’t say I do.” Ed tapped his fingers. “I have to say, this is an unusual conversation. Let’s change the subject.”

So Ling did. “Well, I’d best get changed. You’re welcome to come in.”

Ed followed him, quietly. Ling flitted around the room, grabbing the most comfortable, passable clothes he could get away with that night. His room still smelled of sandalwood and soap. It was a pleasant smell but heavy and perfumy in a way that made him self conscious. He glanced back after pulling his shirt off to see Ed rustling through his papers on his desk.

“Did you do these?” Ed didn’t touch Ling’s work. Instead he hovered over them, nose nearly touching the charcoal. “No wonder you called my arm art. You probably see art in a lot of things.”

Ling scrambled over to the papers, quickly placing himself between Ed and the desk. “You are an explorer, aren’t you? Ha.”

Hastily, he stacked the papers and shoved them into a drawer.

“What, you don’t like them?”

Ling groaned and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to get into how he felt about his art. He went to rub his hand over his face but flinched as his hand bumped against his bruised nose. “Ow.”

Ed scowled more harshly than Ling had seen him scowl so far. His non-metal hand reached towards Ling’s face. Ling flinched on instinct. But Ed’s touch was gentle as he traced over the light bruise on Ling’s nose.

“I’m sorry about that. You caught me off guard. I didn’t expect you to remember anything.” His thumb pushed a little too hard on the bridge of Ling’s nose and Ling hissed in pain. “I used to be able to help with stuff like this. Nowadays, I’m useless.”

“It’s just a bruise. Don’t be so dramatic.” Ling covered his nose with his hand. It was a mistake--it just hurt again.

“Jeez, no need to get all embarrassed. I’m the dumbass that slammed a door in your face.”

“You were, weren’t you?” Ling hummed, tapping his finger against his chin. “I guess that means you owe me.”

“I don’t do just any kind of favor.” Ed crossed his arms and stood defiantly straight. The pose reminded Ling of a small bird puffing out its chest. “What do you want me to do?”

“Model for me. Just real quick. Your arm, I’ve never seen anything like it. Not up close anyway.” Ling picked up a charcoal left on his desk. “All the tarnishing in the nooks and crannies, all the smooth polish of well used parts. It’s so unique to you--to the actions you’ve taken and the places you’ve been.”

Ed deflated sheepishly. “Oh, that’s all. Ok, then. I mean, I don’t get it really. It’s just automail.”

Ling grinned. “I’ll show you, after I’ve sketched it out.”

Ed looked uncomfortable at first. Then, Ling nudged his shirt sleeve up until the full bottom half of the automail was exposed. Carefully, Ling arranged Ed’s arm to catch the light, to show off all the worn angles. As he sketched, arranged, sketched, and rearranged, Ed settled down. He held his metal arm perfectly still, and laid his head on his other hand, and closed his eyes. Ling almost thought he was asleep, until suddenly, Ed leapt from his chair.

“Dinner!”

And then they were both jumping, Ed all but dashed out the door while Ling slung his robe on.

It wasn’t until he got to dinner that Ling remembered he wasn’t wearing shoes. “Shit.”

They were very late. Late enough that the dining room was full.

“We should have come in separately.” Ed whispered from the side of his mouth. “This is weird.”

Ling didn’t say anything. Lan Fan sat in her usual spot, his empty seat beside her. A familiar face sat across from her, grinning the same wide grin as when Ling first met them. Alphonse. So, the two of them must have been talking when neither he nor Ed showed up on time for dinner. He wasn’t sure how, but Lan Fan must have made some excuse, since everyone was eating. Even if the guests were still staring at them, at least they hadn’t been waiting to start for all this time.

Ling took his seat, careful to never drop his neutral, most royal expression. “How is the food tonight, Lan Fan?”

“Delicious as always, Sire.” Lan Fan took a large bite off her plate. “Though it would have been better warm.”

Her words bite. She’s upset at him. “I’m sorry, Lan Fan.”

Al laughed. “He’s so quick to apologize. My brother is stubborn to the end. He never says anything outright.”

Ling grinned around a mouthful of rice. “An emperor must have some sense of humility. And besides, I got carried away with him. I should have paid closer attention to the time.”

Ed sputtered. He’d forgotten to put on his gloves, so one metal hand waved around with this others. “You can’t just say--do you know how that sounds? It was just art, ok!”

“Art?” Al tapped their plate. It was already empty. “You’re not usually so appreciative of the creative process, Ed. What kept you?”

“I was modeling,” Ed’s voice got smaller and smaller, until it was difficult to hear the last word. He rubbed at his automail, face tinged red. “Anyway, what business is it of yours?”

“To the contrary, Edward Elric. It is everyone’s business where our engaged Emperor disappears to during his celebrations.” Lan Fan put her fork down. “It is something you should be aware of if you choose to become close to the emperor.”

Ling didn’t feel much like eating. She was right, and right not to sugar coat it. But it still hurt. “Usually there are fewer eyes, though it is no less true.”

“Why on earth would I care?” Ed glared at his food, alternating between chowing down on his rice and glaring at whoever dared watch him. “Al, do you want the rest of this stuff?”

Al gladly accepted the grilled pork from Ed’s plate. The rest of the night the conversation stayed civil, the stream of words flowing easily between all of them.

“You know, he draws a lot of pictures of you,” Ed pointed his fork at Lan Fan. “You do a lot of chores. He should be paying you more.”

“I am the highest paid advisor he has. In all of Xing, only Ling is better compensated.” Lan Fan narrowed her eyes. “I go around in his rooms and helping him because he is my friend.”

Ling put his fork down. “My best friend.”

Ed looked between them. “Oh.”

“Not like that, brother.” Al shook their head. “They really are just best friends. Lan Fan is super gay.”

And for some reason, the rest of the dinner, Ed was all smiles. Not a scowl in sight.

Eventually, the food and the small talk was over. People were heading to their rooms. Some were barely able to stand, some leaned a little to casually into the bodies of their partners, and some were already dozing at their tables. The housekeepers would corral the snoozing partygoers into their rooms. Ling was worn out from the previous nights drinking and the up and down of rolling depression and unacceptable adventure of the day.

Lan Fan had already gone for the night, and Al was hovering around Ed to walk back to their rooms. Ling opened his mouth to say his farewells.

“Can you show me the work you did of my arm? I never got to see the end result.” Ed didn’t look at Al. He didn’t even look at Ling. He stared off somewhere near the door, hands tossed over his head. Ling could recognize a carefully casual pose when he saw one. So could Al.

For the first time since Ling met them, Al’s grin faltered. “Are you sure?”

“Don’t be silly, Al. It’s just some pictures.”

Al paused, their face unnaturally stern. Then, they grinned again. “As long as you're sure. Be careful.”

“I didn’t even respond yet.” Ling scoffed.

“Oh, do you have something to do?”

But now the prospect of showing off his work, possibly drawing more of Ed’s arm, maybe even convincing Ed to let him draw his face, had Ling feeling wired. “Uh, well, no. But still, you should have let me answer at least.”

“I’ll expect you back sometime tonight, Ed.” Al waved and headed off to their own room.

Ed just waved himself on, following Ling as they headed back to their room.

“You got away with wearing no shoes through all of dinner.” Ed chuckled.

“Yeah, well. You can get away with a good bit when you’re emperor. People don’t want to point it out, in case it’s something you’re supposed to be doing.”

This time, the walk back to Ling’s room was heavy. There was an expectation, a shared thought neither of them wanted to voice.

“I didn’t realize you’d gotten that much of a look at my drawings. You really liked the ones I did of Lan Fan?” Ling shrugged his robe off. His room was hot, the smell of sandalwood having finally faded, but the humidity lingering.

“You’re talented. I knew who you were drawing straight away.” Ed stretched.

Ling spread the few pages of preliminary sketches he’d gotten done across the work desk. “They aren’t much. I was still working out shapes and angles when you realized it was dinner.”

“Weird how time got away from us.” Ed laughed. “Didn’t realize my arm was so captivating.”

“You are good company,” Ling tapped his charcoal against the paper. “But, now you’ve seen the pictures. I’m sure Al is expecting you.”

It was a direct challenge. Ling wondered if Ed would meet it.

“If I’m such good company, why’re you kicking me out?” Ed scowled again, and this time Ling laughed.

“You make that face too often. Let’s see if I can get a prettier expression.” Ling sidled up against Ed’s side, his lips still split into a smile. “And then maybe I could draw some more pictures?”

“Hey now, how conceited do you think I am?”

Ling darted around Ed, pushing his golden hair away with one hand while tilting his chin with the other. “I think you are conceited enough to invite yourself to the room of an engaged emperor.”

“Well, you wanted me here.”

Ling did, it was true. “Let’s get you posed then.”

“Posed?”

“Look, if you’re going to be here, I’m going to get some practice in.” Ling tapped his hand against Ed’s cheek, sliding through Ed’s hair until he’d smoothed the blond strands behind a scarred shoulder.

And so Ling took full advantage--he drew. He drew Ed’s long hair and strong jaw. He sketched the scars where the automail connected. Ed told him about nerve connectors, and his automail mechanic, and the podunk town he grew up in.

“What about Xerxes?”

“Xerxes hasn’t had a ruler in a long, long time. Eventually, we were whittled down to nothing and Amestris absorbed us.” Ed frowned, and it marred the image he was sketching. “It was going to happen eventually, but. It didn’t make it better.”

“Amestris is quite a greedy nation, isn’t it?” Ling put down his charcoal. There was something he’d wanted to do, from the moment he’d first touched Ed’s metal hand. “First it takes your home. Then it takes me, reaching its claws into Xing. Offering what we want in exchange for everything we already have.”

He slid his hand along the cool metal, pushing the arm up and away. “Can you feel my hand? Is that how the nerve reactors work?”

“A little. It’s like a pressure.” Ed narrowed his eyes at him, suspicious but not worried. “Not like when you touch my other hand.”

Ling nodded, pulling Ed’s other hand to him. He had almost a memory of Ed’s arm around him. Almost a memory of a moment. “Tell me to stop touching you.”

Ed didn’t look away. “No.”

“Then I’m not going to stop.” Ling cupped his hand against Ed’s face. And there, exactly where he wanted them, Ed’s arms wrapped around him.

Tomorrow's problems would come tomorrow. This was what he wanted now.

Look at those arms! MMMMM!

You know, I really like Gilina. Or, more correctly, I really like what Gilina represents, both in terms of Crichton’s development and in his feelings for Aeryn. Gilina is Earth Crichton’s dream girl: she is blonde, pretty, sweet, and plucky (she is no push-over). She is also a girl geek, and a techie and for our scientist, that’s quite irresistibly appealing. (Btw, let me take a moment to note how much I like that the show showed us that Crichton had a type in women, B.A. (before Aeryn): they were blonde and sweet and had a certain safe niceness to them. Aeryn is not blonde, not sweet, and not safe at all. And neither is his feeling for her). If Gilina was a girl working for a research institute on Earth and she and John met at some party, I can easily see them talking, dating, falling in love and getting married. And having a happy married life. And the John of ‘PK Tech Girl,’ despite some unpleasant encounters in the Uncharted Territories is still enough of the Earth John to be attracted to Gilina, to be at the very beginning of developing something for her. He is still enough of an innocent, with enough uncomplicated and sweet left in him, for Gilina to be his type. But of course, that is not the case any more when they meet again in ‘Nerve.’ When they meet again, Gilina has had a fairly uneventful PK tech existence. She hasn’t changed much. But she is not Crichton’s type any more. Not after Maldis and finding out firsthand that there are psychopaths that will just enjoy watching you die for the fun of it, not after Crais and finding out that no, if you only explain the truth, it won’t make it better. The person will still want to kill you even if they believe you, even if it’s wrong and irrational, and there is nothing you can do. Not after ‘Jeremiah Crichton’ (my least fave ep of the whole show, but whose theme of Crichton’s long isolation is well taken). Not after finding out the truth about Zhaan, or almost dying out there in space with Aeryn. Not after the mind and soul fuck of ‘A Human Reaction.’   Gilina is not for this John. Not any more. And it’s not just that in the meanwhile he’s ceased to see anyone but Aeryn. It is also that his character has changed. And that is only the beginning. When he meets her in ‘Nerve’ it is pre-Scorpius, pre-Aurora Chair, pre-everything in S2, 3 and 4 (I’d do a list but it would take too long to type). If Gilina met S4 Crichton, she’d freak and run away and rightly so. A digression, but I find it fascinating how John's non-Aeryn women reflect his change. We have his ex-gf on Earth who he was serious enough to apparently want to propose to, before they went their separate career way. She is sort of like Gilina only blander, less engaging (Earth Crichton strikes me as someone who's had things come to him too easily because of his intelligence or what not. His passion (for whatever) was never truly engaged to the full, and the gf reflects that.) There is also Caroline (who we meet in Terra Firma) with whom he had something or other, but she is rather like his Earth-ex and it's clear the Crichton of TF doesn't even have anything to say to her any more. From them, we progress to Gilina (about whom see above). In first half of S2, there is the PK Disruptor. Now, she is a lot more edges, more hardness. If she is like anyone, it's a female version of Bond. And Crichton sleeps with her, because hey, he's tried everything to get Aeryn to admit any interest, he's beaten his head against the rock and he's beaten it and beaten it. But she refused and she's conclusively walked out of his life for good (not even came to see him for the very last time, when he needed her most). And also, girl can kill him, good to stay on her good side. There is no Gilina sweetness in her, at all. PK Tech Girl Crichton would annoy her and be intimidated to be with her, not so much Crichton of that s2 ep arc. But interestingly, that is the last time he even looks at another woman, no matter the circumstances. Once Aeryn and he admit their love to each other at the end of S2/beginning of S3, that is it. Even at the second part of S3, when Aeryn is off with Talyn-Crichton, Moya-Crichton goes deep into his obsession with wormholes, not any girls at all, and he is just as obsessed with Aeryn as ever. Even after the end of S3, the beginning of S4, even after he tells Aeryn "I can trust you with my life. But not my heart" and he locks himself away, he still does not look at anyone else. He cannot. And even the drugs cannot knock her out from his mind. Which is why his last non-Aeryn woman is Grayza, who rapes him while at the same time telling him if he gives her the wormhole stuff she will help him find Aeryn (OMG, that bit is seriously the worst in the whole scene). I think the darker progression of these women-others mirrors the darker and darker universe. OK, digression over.   I find it interesting that in S1 we have a number of people (beings, whatever) whose life is affected, changed by Crichton and who are grateful for that and thank him for changing/opening/saving either explicitly, or it’s implied. But after S1 this slows to a trickle pretty fast and then stops almost entirely. Crichton is such an innately kind person, and one of the saddest things in the show is seeing this kindness leach away under the tortures (literal and figurative) he is subjected to. I find it so sad and so significant that in the S3 finale it’s Aeryn who brings up the fact that the command carrier has a lot of lives which John’s plan might end. Aeryn. Not John. She’s become more compassionate (she, who started out saying ‘I hate that word’) and he’s become much less. These are both reactions to their environment, to events they are in (When they initially meet, she is a product of an individuality-less, soulless scenario. Even if he is wrong in reading her at the very very first in Premiere during intros, he is not wrong in reading her potential, in recognizing she is a person, and even as early as Premiere she proves him right. I also love that for Crichton, she is always her own person, not a preconceived notion of what she should be. He loves her for being Aeryn, not for some idealized being in his head). And yet it is never completely suppressed, it is always there, however muted and downtrodden, however circumscribed. He had to jettison most of it in order to stay sane and to survive, but somewhere deep inside he is still the guy who, in a completely strange world, took the time to fix the eye-stalk of a mechanical critter thingy he didn’t know at all.   And of course, part of the reason he jettisons it is also because whenever he tries to save someone or make it better, it often ends up making the situation worse. I am thinking for example of S3’s lovely ‘Different Destinations’ which turns a beloved sci-fi trope on its head and he has to live with it and he can barely bear it.   And I love how the show never lets us forget the cost this takes on him, that he is not a power-hungry psychopath, a cavalier callous being only caring about his small group of friends. That coda to S4’s ‘We Are So Screwed’ where he is with Aeryn, and he breaks down, and he can’t help it, and he weeps for what he’d done, for what he almost did (and it’s going to be small fry in comparison with PKW) is just brilliant and heartbreaking and one of my favorite bits (and I love that she is there, and she silently comforts him, and he clutches her arm as a lifeline). And that is why I actually liked the drug storyline in S4. After all the stuff that Crichton been through, I am surprised he didn’t end up going on something earlier, just to deal with it all somehow (I love that the show brought up earlier that he has nightmares, feels tremendous guilt, and that was mid S2, I am sure they are much worse now). And it also made sense that when his number 1 obsession, Aeryn, told him to give it up, he did, as he’d pick her over anything. She’s his number 1 drug. Basically, he needs Aeryn desperately. She is what allows him to function, allows him to stay (relatively) sane, what holds him together. When he can’t have her, or doesn’t have her, he falls apart and needs something else to get through the days (wormholes in S3, lakka in S4). I do find it interesting that Crichton keeps his compassion, however tattered, but he develops absolute priorities, as a result of choices he shouldn’t have had to make. Most people don’t really analyze whether they will pick the woman they love or selling one’s soul and giving up something which earlier, to protect, you didn’t give up even when tortured or hunted or broken. They don’t have to. Crichton’s developed rigid priorities are a result of the environment where he had to confront those hierarchies in himself. Crichton’s earlier ‘purity’ and goodness and optimism exist in part because he is a product of a relatively sheltered life (compared to Uncharted Territories). But that early cleanness allows others to see a better or at least a different path for themselves and so they repay the favor later by pulling him out when he is on the brink of succumbing to all these horrors (which really do seem to be scarily disproportionately triggered at him). One of the things I love about Crichton is that even after he’s seen and dealt horrors, he has a certain moral absolutism to him (however broken it gets at times) and a pure refusal to give up, and strength even if only to make the least worst of two bad choices presented to him. Something untainted is always there, maybe a legacy of his initial idealism, and so he never breaks, not permanently, not irreparably, though he comes very very close. Throughout the show, even as that world bends and molds and twists him to its own parameters, he manages to make the world somewhat bend and mold and twist to himself.   Do you know what I really really wish for John and Aeryn and the kid after the end of PKW? A few years of total peace, where they can just travel the space in Moya, and John can do his research, and be with Aeryn and watch their child grow, without having to worry about saving his and their lives every other day.

OK, these are getting epically long omg.

Agatha Harkness Was Right, And Here’s Why

Alright. Finally had to sit down and write my way out of this quiet, internal temper tantrum, and a few people were interested in seeing what I had to say, so I present to you:

Agatha Harkness Was Right, And Here’s Why

Disclaimer: MASSIVE spoilers for the entirety of WandaVision, and I am not nice about it.

I’ll start off by saying that, for all its foibles, WandaVision was genuinely a good example of a property within the MCU/Disney umbrella that stepped out of the usual ‘good guys fight bad guys action extravaganza’ in a way that pushed the envelope. The pseudo-horror aspect of the first few episodes is something I would really love to see engaged with on a more thoughtful basis in future projects.

I would say that it proved to be more than a vehicle to promote toys, but… well…

Yeah. Anyway.

I’ll assume that you watched WandaVision if you’re reading this, but quick recap: In the aftermath of ‘the Blip,’ Wanda is left broken and alone with no one in her corner. Her biggest mentor willingly abandoned his team to get his own ‘happy’ ending (do not get me started on Steve, that’s a document in and of itself), her other biggest mentor is probably off enjoying his family while ignoring the incredibly racist killing spree he’s been on for the past five years, and her lover is dead. When she goes to claim the body, she’s told nuh-uh, that’s government property, please leave.

So she goes to a plot of land in the middle of some nowhere town in New Jersey, which Vision apparently bought despite the fact they were living a pretty decently comfortable life in Scotland, where she looks at the deed that Vision drew a heart on and wrote ‘To Grow Old In’. Very sweet. Kind of weird, considering nothing of this caliber had ever been suggested for either of their characters and they’d been actively running from specifically the U.S. authorities? But sweet.

She has a breakdown and, in her grief, contains the entire town of Westview and all 3,892 of the people in it in her own personal paradise, where nothing bad ever happens beyond sitcom hijinks, no one dies, and every problem is tied up and neatly dealt with by the end of an ‘episode’. Except we learn that this is only paradise to Wanda, who apparently shares the aspect of having to relate everything to her favourite pop culture with Tony, because everyone else in Westview is more or less being psychologically tortured by the incredible amount of pain she’s in, forced to be puppeted actors to make her happy.

Bear in mind, Westview might have been bigger at some point - we have no idea how many people survived the Blip, or how many have been brought back to life within the past few weeks of the current setting. Either way, this is a town that has already dealt with a lot of trauma being dragged into yet another awful, much more specific kind of emotional damage, thanks to ‘the heroes’. Nice.

Agatha Harkness, a witch who’s been up to who-knows-what in the 340 years since she drained the coven that tried to kill her for getting a little too ambitious into jerky, feels the massive expenditure of magical power and decides to investigate. All the while, she carefully uses her own magic to try and peek into Wanda’s psyche, her motivations, all while keeping up appearances and not letting slip that anything is amiss.

I’ll point out that she’s no saint here, either - she specifically keeps one Westview resident at her mercy, and knows what’s happening to the rest of them, but doesn’t attempt to stop it. I’ll chalk that up to her pragmatism; their ‘sacrifice’ was fine to her as long as she could figure out how Wanda could have done something so unheard of in terms of power.

What we come to learn over the course of the show is that, given everything that happened, Wanda didn’t mean to take over an entire town and tool it into her own personal slice of heaven. She very quickly became aware of it; we know that she knows it’s her own personal bubble as soon as episode three, when she’s confronting Monica about how the latter could possibly know about Ultron. Wanda is made further aware of how much damage this is inflicting on others in episode five, when Vision himself tells her that these people are scared. But still, she has everything handled! It’s okay! The outside world is worse, trust her!

Her handling of the question, ‘where are all the children of Westview,’ is one that bears some thinking - and, y’know, kind of more than a little concern. They’re allowed to walk around as part of the ‘Halloween special,’ but as Vision walks further and further out towards the edges of town where Wanda doesn’t have as much full control, people are just frozen in place, or conducting the same few seconds of action over and over. And fully aware of being trapped.

How are they being sustained? Eating, sleeping? If someone isn’t part of her storyline, is she just locking them down into a coma? What made Wanda decide that keeping the children ‘out of the way’ was somehow kinder than involving them, especially given her later argument that she’s been trying to keep the entire town safe and happy?

The fact of the matter is, she only actually starts to feel remorse for any of this after she’s confronted with the fact that, after weeks of being at her mercy, the townspeople of Westview would rather be dead than endure another moment of having to play nice for her enjoyment. She finally opens the ‘bubble’ to let them out - which leads to the ‘epic’ finale of three different entities trying to take down Wanda and her happy family: the S.W.O.R.D. military led by Hayward, the White Vision, and Agatha.

Winding back to how we got here: after Agatha uses her own trapped resident, Ralph Bohner (who, given his casting and the props in place during the last episode, I’m willing to bet is actually the missing witness protection person Jimmy was looking for) in an attempt to lure out Wanda’s reasoning - and fails - she’s pretty much done pretending. She tricks Wanda into her basement, nullifies her powers, and makes her face her own past to get to the truth of the matter.

Not going to lie, favourite moment of the show. Kathryn Hahn killed Agatha’s slightly-amused-slightly-irritated observations about Wanda’s coping mechanisms, and the whole arrangement was extremely meta. I would have paid real money dollars to see her do the same thing to the likes of Tony, Strange, and Loki. Hell, even just having her meet the rest of the Avengers? Augh. If wishes were fishes.

When Agatha comes to the conclusion that Wanda is the vaunted, nigh-indestructible force of nature that she’s literally spent her entire life reading about is the ultimate source of chaos magic and will likely bring about the end of the world, she’s pretty understandably taken aback. To that matter, the fact that Wanda… has very little control over any of it, and is using what she does understand to play housemaker? After how long Agatha has spent learning control, hiding in plain sight, just to be child’s play compared to what Wanda has at her fingertips? I’d be pretty pissed off, too!

The way that WandaVision handled both of the major ‘fights’ - Vision versus White Vision ending in philosophy, and Wanda ending up beating Agatha at her own game of deception - is excellent. A little grating that they had to go with the beat down angle before they got there, but this is MCU; punches and thrown cars had to get shoved in somewhere. And, given that this series very much played with the idea of grey morality, I was sort of hopeful that Agatha would end up in a not-quite stalemate arrangement with Wanda. She’s not as powerful as the Scarlet Witch, but she has the know-how that Wanda sorely lacks; in recompense for her own deeds, she would be able to teach what she knows while also kind of scheming on her own time.

Y’know, like what they did with rehabilitating Loki?

Except that Wanda, who has just gone through the entire rigamarole of coming to terms with the fact that she trapped thousands of people into a nightmare scenario against their will, rendering them helpless to her mercy… traps Agatha into a nightmare scenario against her will, rendering her helpless to Wanda’s mercy.

That moment actually shook me. Oh, my god. We’re supposed to still look at Wanda as a good guy after this?

This isn’t even covering the incredibly awful confrontation with her and Vision where she tries to gaslight him into believing that everything is A-OK, or the fact that the person she gets most violent with (apart from Agatha) is Monica Rambeau, a black woman who spends most of the show bending over backwards trying to say that what Wanda is doing is understandable, justified, and just needs a gentle touch to be dealt with.

That could be its own document, too - how Monica, much as she’s incredible and definitely looks to be a really exciting addition to the MCU roster, more or less gets used as the Good One to absolve and enable Wanda’s actions. One of her last lines to Wanda, after seeing how the people of Westview (rightfully) look at Wanda like she’s monstrous, is “they’ll never know what you sacrificed.”

Sacrificed what? The fake husband and fake kids she made out of her own compulsion to pretend that everything is okay? None of that would have existed if she’d been given the proper resources to actually cope with how much loss she’s had to deal with. None of that would have existed if she hadn’t caused this problem in the first place.

In the end, Wanda flies off in her fancy new gear before the FBI shows up, avoiding any real consequences to her actions - which has pretty much been the running theme of her character ever since she was introduced to the MCU in Age of Ultron. The worst kind of direct consequence she’s ever gotten was being grounded to her room for a while, then kept in the Raft for, like, maybe a day - and both times, she was broken out post-haste.

Meanwhile, she worsened the issues in Sokovia (which, I will say upfront, was Tony’s fault to begin with), unleashed the Hulk on Johannesburg, got a pretty significant amount of civilians killed as bystanders in Lagos (hey, how come Wanda keeps turning a lot of black people into casualties?), and stood back in Wakanda to let their people try to fight off Thanos from getting to Vision until it was clear that there was no other option than for her to get involved.

Great Power Comes With No Responsibility At All, Actually.

Wanda, in the several years she has maintained her identity as an Avenger, has proven time and time again that she takes on innumerable risks without any full understanding of what they mean, allows others to take on the brunt of the fallout for her, and looks sad until she’s forgiven and moves on to the next problem. She has no business casually throwing around the kind of power that being the Scarlet Witch entails, not until she’s actually made any kind of headway into making reparations for what she’s done and tried, really tried, to get a handle on what she’s capable of.

Which she’s apparently doing in the last post-credits scene, astral reading the literal Book of the Damned on her lonesome in the mountains, but… without anyone to guide her, or give her any kind of boundary?

[I ran out of images I could post, but you know exactly what image I am referring to here]

Agatha Harkness was right. And that should terrify everybody that has to deal with Wanda in the future.

(P.S. Do we know if she actually even killed that dog? We never see her holding anything but a blanket, and characters go in and out of that show all the time. Granted, she wasn’t great with the cicada-turned-bird... hmm.)

Additional Notes:

“Well, you’re a Tony Stan, of course you think Wanda’s a villain”

I like Tony because he’s such an awful mess, and the narrative isn’t exactly kind about telling him what a piece of shit he can be! He reaped a lot of problems, created practically half the villains in the MCU, and ended up dying a martyred hero. Thanks to being the tent pole by which this franchise hoisted itself into a cultural powerhouse, he will always be their golden savior. If you want to read about how he’s the true villain of this entire affair, feel free to look up any number of takedown pieces about him that are out there. He’s a dick. I will never “uwu sad baby who did nothing wrong ever ���” him the way people do about Wanda.

“Why are you so pressed about this”

Because something as good in concept as WandaVision could and should have been about anyone other than the whitewashed, antisemitic take on Wanda Maximoff that MCU brought upon us. They put crucifixes on her wall in Civil War, for fuck’s sake!

“Weren’t you mad about them not including Aaron Taylor-Johnson”

At this point, I am almost kind of relieved the real Pietro wasn’t resurrected for this, because god knows they probably would have killed him all over again just to inflict that much more pain on his sister.

“Anything else you’d like to tell us, turbo nerd”

This was literally itching at me all weekend to write, so it’s more or less just to get it off my chest. If you powered your way through it, uh… thanks? Sorry if I yucked your yums, but I tried to be as clear with the disclaimer as I could. 🤷‍♂️

It’s nice to be noticed and missed! That so sweet of you. Always make me feel welcomed like a long lost relative when I pop in. ❤️

I absolutely understand about the engagement between readers and the stories, I think as a reading community we could stand to show you guys the writers more love, praise and engagement because these amazing stories and worlds you guys conjure are really great. And help as entertainment as well as just something nice to look forward to once or twice a week. But for you Sam, I think you’ve got to take yourself out of the equation here. If I’m understanding you correctly it seems that you’re attaching the engagement a post or story will have with you worth and that’s just not it babes. If one of your stories “fails” (and I use that term very very lightly) it’s honestly just timing. You’ve got a Taylor Swift wide catalog of stories both new and old masterlists and your writing, character and world building has only gotten better as each new piece comes out. You do every thing right, every single time. If it’s not working out it’s just the timing. I’d be willing to put money on it. You yourself are amazing. Your blog is such a safe place for people. And yeah maybe it’s the stories that brought them here in the first place but we—at least me—stay cuz you’re awesome, kind and generous. No matter what’s going on in life, I know that I can count on at least one story either on Monday or Thursday depending and having that to look forward to is such a small and kind gift that you give to people like me.

Who you are and what you’ve got to give is absolutely good enough.

I hope all of that made sense I just wrote and wrote. As for myself I’m doing okay. Told my dad he can’t come to my wedding and he sent me a goodbye and good riddance letter. I think he thought it was going to make me feel guilty or something but I’m so immune to his games now it’s hilarious. But other than that. I’m hanging in there. Trying to take care of myself and be happy, whatever that looks like. And doing some of my own writing (little short love stories) but I’m pretty rusty so it’s not quite what I want but I’m liking rebuilding that muscle.

I hope something I said in all that is helpful. If you take anything away: you’re perfect as it, everything else is just noise. -🐱

You're so logical, I wish I could. You would think as a math person I would be MORE logical but I just get all wrapped up in being emotional I get all flustered.

Everything you said made perfect sense. I'm extremely grateful to you and how kind you are. I am definitely not too kind to myself almost ever so I get very emotional when people are kind to me. Also, I'm a pretty big push over in the real world so people just expect me to be kind and do things for them so it's really overwhelming that you just pointed out like REALLY nice things about me and are making me feel valuable even if I don't see it myself. I'm glad I created a safe place here, that's what I really want more than anything 💕

That's extremely sad about your dad but I'm so proud of you for doing that. Your wedding is about you and you deserve it to be all you want and more. I'm so happy for you 💕

ALSO ALSO YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY I wanted to ask about your engagement/wedding plans but I didn't know if that was still a plan and I think I would have jumped into traffic if I asked and you weren't getting married still.

If you feel comfortable, I would love to hear more details about your wedding! Color, theme, location (nothing specific--beach, barn, backyard, church, etc). I love to hear wedding plans! If my bf ever proposes we will NOT be having a wedding (we are poor-poor) so I love to live vicariously through others and their plans 😍 ALSO I'm so excited to hear you're writing! Writing short little love stories was how I got my start here too so I'm sure it won't be long till you're writing Harry stuff with the rest of us 😉

Thank you for your sweet message. I adore you 💕

xoxo

Hi! I loved your post about fanfiction and “official” literature, it resonated with me on a multiple levels. I started reading fanfics at the age of 16, I guess, and never really stopped since, now I’m in my mid thirties. Sometimes I read more of it, sometimes I got sucked into the new novel by my fave author, but I always come back. Because reading fanfiction opened up multiple universes I could wander through endlessly, and never get bored. I switch fandoms, and every time I discover something unique and awesome. I can’t stop thinking about how many talented people are out there, I’m so grateful for all of you guys, and I hope you get all the love appreciation you really deserve. And also, having the amazing possibility to say how much in love with a certain work you are, or even discuss something about the plot or ask a question directly to the person who wrote it, maybe even in the process of creating the said story… I think it’s a very special privilege, we all should be grateful to have it. Bless you, and I mean it! Oh, and this bit about seeing all the reviews of hmt and aren’t able to read them, really got me in the feels. I totally understand how it must be tough for you at the moment, and I sincerely wish, that maybe later this year, around Halloween or with a cup of hot wine in your hand near the Christmas break, you’ll find yourself in the right mindset to read some of them, and enjoy it. I only got to see one of those on my dash, and reading through it made me happy and hopeful, I have a very slim chance to see them, and god knows how it will look like next year, but the sentiment is still there, this guys make me happy. I wish you a very nice and cozy fall season, stay safe 😊

Awwww this is a very sweet and lovely ask, thank you, anon.

I have a whole rant that I do elsewhere in my life about how fanfiction is its own genre, that's not confined to "work based on other people's creativity" but is, in fact, a type of story-telling that is based more heavily on characters and emotions than on plots. Once you find this genre, you might read outside of the genre every once in a while, but you go back to fic the way someone who likes mysteries gravitates toward mysteries. It doesn't actually matter the fandom, the storytelling vehicle remains the same.

And I agree, that we are so lucky how many of us want to share and create with each other in this space, and how we can all interact, in a way that published fiction really never seems to have. I've been a published author, and I missed desperately the community of fandom: the other writers whose stuff I could squee over, the readers who feel comfortable telling me what they loved, what they hope for, what confuses them, etc. All of that makes the stories we tell so much richer, because they are not the stories *we're* telling, but the stories we're *all* telling, together, in this vast interrelated tapestry, and that is how storytelling was in the very beginning of its history and I think it's actually what humans need storytelling to be (hence the enduring popularity of fic in the first place, the need for humans to engage with the stories they're being told instead of just being passive consumers of it). And sometimes I worry about fandom going away, about people thinking that this way of creating isn't worthwhile because it doesn't make them money, and it makes me sad because I think it is the BEST kind of creating and we should all be so lucky, as writers, to find people who want to love our characters so much that they chat with us about them. Like, that is the dream! It's just so incredible!

~~UNCONNECTED HMT BITTERNESS LOL~~

I really am trying to be A Bigger Person about the whole HMT thing but there is a vast gulf between "thing I know I should be able to get over" and "thing which irritates me every time it comes up" lol. I have tried really hard to just...be all happy about HMT, but in truth the effort of trying to force myself to be happy just ends up making me extra-resentful, and so it's better that I just...try to avoid HMT in the hope that maybe eventually, someday, I won't find it so annoying and will be able to think about it without wanting to cry lol. I mean, emotions just take time to work through and become more rational, and it has not been nearly enough time for me, in my trauma-exhausted pandemic state, with all the other stuff I'm also trying to emotionally manage right now. At one point I just realized that the whole HMT situation was taking up way more time and mental and emotional energy (and money) than Fall Out Boy honestly really deserved, considering they have no idea who I am and don't care about me lol. Anyway, I haven't broken up with Fall Out Boy, which is good, because I worried I might, but we definitely seem okay; I've just broken up with HMT. I am really, really, really pleased that the tour is almost over and maybe I can go back to following FOB social media again and maybe I can be more successful pretending this tour never happened lol. And probably eventually someday I'll forget all about why I was upset and it'll all be fine, as you say. I know that everyone else seemed to have a really lovely time at their concerts and I'm very glad that they did.

Dying From a Broken Heart

Part Two of Confidence

Warnings: Violence, angst, language, arguing, blood, fluff

Pairings: Jack x Winchester!Reader

Characters: Jack Kline, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Castiel, Rowena, Eros, Reader

Word Count: 3.1k

Summary: While you and Jack are at the motel, you make a shocking discovery. You're not dealing with a pack of werewolves like you thought, but Eros, God of Love and Lust. You finally figure out the connection between Eros and the victims. . . Only to find out that you're next.

You and Jack were still doing research when Sam and Dean came back. "Okay, so get this." You said, turning around in your chair. "Every year, six people go missing and are found dead with their hearts torn out."

"A ritual?" Sam inquired.

"Exactly what I was thinking, dear brother." You grinned. "Now, big city like this, six missing people is something you'd hardly notice."

"Yeah, but why would a werewolf preform a ritual?" Dean asked.

"That's what Jack and I kept asking ourselves." You said, looking over at your boyfriend. "Why in the world would a Purebred werewolf need to preform some kind of ritual?" You stood up, rummaging around in your backpack for a book. You gave a triumphant smile as you held up your Greek Mythology book.

"Eros. God of Love and Lust." You opened the book to the page that was dedicated to the god.

"But their hearts were torn out." Dean furrowed his eyebrows. "What would Eros want with hearts?"

"It's a sacrifice for him." You informed the men. "Think about it. None of the vics had bites or even scratches. At first, I thought it was a Purebred werewolf because the attacks didn't line up with the lunar cycle. But the more I thought about it, the more that this makes sense. People used to worship Eros and make sacrifices for him, but now hardly anyone believes in him anymore. So Eros goes out and gets his own sacrifices."

Sam and Dean seemed impressed while Jack seemed proud. "Okay." Dean nodded. "That means that since he failed with the last victim, he's going kill again."

You tried your hardest to think of some kind of connection with all the deceased. You knew there had to be something in common since they were dealing with a god. They seemed to be picky with their sacrifices.

"What are you thinking about, Y/n?" Jack asked, resting his hand on top of yours, something that didn't go unnoticed by your brothers. Dean was about to say something when Sam stomped on his foot, earning a grunt from Dean.

"I'm trying to find the connection between everyone. Because I know there has to be one." You picked at a tear in your jeans while you tried to connect the dots.

Then it hit you like a ton of bricks. You stood up abruptly, startling the men in the room. "I know what Eros looks in for a sacrifice." You stated, grabbing your notepad to look at the stuff you had written down. "Everyone we interviewed said the victims just had a big announcement. The 55 year old man was celebrating his 30th anniversary with his wife, the 28 year old woman was newly engaged, the 45 year old man just started dating again after his wife died, and so on until the fifteen year old girl. She had just gotten her first girlfriend when she was attacked."

"What are you saying, Y/n?" Jack questioned.

"I'm saying that Eros is targeting people with an immense amount of pure love. That's what he's looking for!"

"Wow." Sam said, looking at his little sister in admiration. "That's genius, Y/n." He patted her on the shoulder, only to furrow his eyebrows. "What's that on your collarbone?"

You gave Sam a confused look as you headed to the bathroom. There, on your collarbone was a dark red circle. You sucked in a sharp breath.

"I know who the next target is." You told the men.

"Who?" Jack seemed worried by the look on your face.

"It's me."

.

. .

. . .

"How did this even happen?!" Sam exclaimed.

"I don't know!" You defended yourself, your voice raised slightly. "The whole time we were out I was with you guys. Jack and I never left the motel room while you two were gone."

"That is true." Jack nodded. "Y/n and I stayed in here and she agreed to be my girlfri-"

You put your hand over his mouth. "Now's not the time, babe." You could feel Dean glaring a hole through you and Jack.

"Okay, let's think about this for a second." You said, trying to calm everyone down. "Maybe this is a good thing."

"A good thing?!" Dean roared. "Y/n, how in the hell is this a good thing?!"

"Dean." Sam hissed, cuffing his brother. "Calm down and let Y/n talk." You threw Sam a grateful look.

"This way we can lure Eros out, and kill him. Apparently all it takes is a wooden stake dipped in lambs blood."

"I don't like this plan." Jack muttered.

"See! Thank you." Dean said, clearly pleased with the Nephilim.

"Jack-"

"No, Y/n. You're not going to put yourself in danger just to kill this god. I won't allow it."

"Oh for the love of-" You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. "Eros is coming for me either way. It's better to be prepared and have a plan rather than to just sit here and let him tear my heart out!"

"Don't talk like that!" Jack insisted angrily. You understood that he was worried about you, but you were a grown woman and could make your own decisions.

"It's inevitable, Jack." You said softly. "Eros will come for me. We know from the victims that he kills them 24 hours after being marked. I have maybe 18 hours at best."

Dean was furious. "This is your fault!" He growled at Jack. "You're the reason my baby sister is being targeted!"

Jack looked taken aback. "I didn't want this for Y/n." He said sincerely. "If I could trade places with her, I would."

"That's the problem!"

"Dean-" You started, only to get interrupted by your oldest brother.

"You think you're in love with her, but you're not! It's unnatural. Nephilim, they can't fall in love. All those stupid movies that Y/n and Sam let you watch made you think you're in love with her. You can't love Y/n."

You felt your throat close up, hurt by Dean's words. "Is it that hard to think someone could love me?" You whispered.

Dean's hard glare softened as his eyes landed on you. "Of course not, sweetheart. But Jack. . . He's not right for you."

"Oh, and you know what's best for me?" You growled. Your hurt turned to annoyance and anger.

"Yes, I do. I'm your brother."

Sam and Jack gave each other looks. It was bad when Sam and Dean argued, but when you and Dean argued, it was catastrophic.

"And John was my dad, and he never knew what was best for me! That doesn't mean anything!"

"Oh, so family doesn't mean anything to you?"

"Dean, come on man, you know that's not what she meant." Sam tried to reason.

"Stay out of it, Sam!" Dean yelled.

You could tell Sam was growing annoyed with Dean. His frown deepened, his eyes hardened, and his hand began to twitch.

"No! I won't stay out of it. I am tired of you mistreating Jack and Y/n!"

"Oh, I do not mistreat them!" Dean argued. "Jack, do I mistreat you?" Jack seemed uncomfortable being put on the spot. You knew he looked up to Dean, but Dean had also said some rather hurtful things about Jack.

While Sam, Dean, and Jack continued their argument, you were able to slip away unnoticed.

You were crying now, the thought of dying scared the crap out of you. And your brothers and Jack arguing didn't help the situation.

You looked around the parking lot, looking for something to hotwire. You came across a black Harley Davidson Dyna Super Glide Sport. And the dumbass was stupid enough to leave the keys in the ignition.

You started the engine, listening to the bike purr. You threw back the kickstand and began driving. You didn't know where you were going, all you knew was that you had to get out of there.

You weren't stupid, of course, you had your gun and a silver dagger just in case.

You planted both of your feet on the ground at a stop light. You were still crying, and you couldn't figure out why. You were just so angry.

You ended up stopping at a small dive bar outside of Little Rock. There were a total of ten people there, and most were men.

You flag down the bartender and order a beer. Around twenty minutes later, a man slide in the seat beside you. He said nothing as he ordered a drink. The man seemed so familiar to you, but you couldn't put your finger on it. He had curly, dark brown hair, and beautiful blue-grey eyes. He was handsome in all aspects of the word. But he was nothing compared to Jack.

"I've never seen you here before." He said to you.

"Oh, I uh - I'm just passing through." You gave him a tight smile.

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket. You grabbed it, looking down to see that Dean's as calling you. You sent him to voicemail, something that was bound to piss him off.

"Guy troubles?" The man inquired.

"More like brother troubles." You laughed. "I'm Y/n, by the way."

"Elliott." He smiled, showing off a gleaming row of white teeth. "So, what's going on with your brother?"

"Brother's, actually. They treat me like a baby, just because they're older than me."

"That's what brothers are supposed to do." Elliott shrugged. "They're supposed to look out for you, protect you." Your phone rang again, this time, it was Sam. You sent him to voicemail as well and put your phone on silent.

"Yeah, I guess." You agreed. "But -" You cut yourself off, not wanting to dump all your feeling onto this random stranger.

"But what?" He asked, curious to what your response was.

"There's this guy, this amazing, wonderful, sweet and funny guy. He cares about me, and I care about him, but my oldest brother, he thinks we shouldn't be with each other." You confessed, taking a sip of your beer.

"Is he respectful towards you?" You nodded. "He cares about you and treats you right?" You nodded once more. "Then what's the problem?"

"I don't know." You mumbled. "My brother just doesn't trust him, even though he has no reason not to."

"Call it a brother's intuition." Elliott grinned. You blinked as your vision began to blur. "Hey, you okay?" You let out a slurred response. "Let's get you some air." Elliott helped you out of your chair and outside. You felt the cold air nip at your cheeks, making you feel a thousand times better.

Your head began to spin, the world shifting around you. "I don't feel so well." You groaned. Your body went limp, and the last thing you felt was a pair of strong arms wrapping around you to keep you from falling.

.

. .

. . .

"Guys!" Jack yelled over Sam and Dean, trying to catch their attention. "GUYS!" Jack's eyes flared orange, finally getting Sam and Dean to stop arguing. "Where's Y/n?"

Sam and Dean looked around the room frantically. Jack looked into the bathroom and found nothing. "Damnit!" Dean growled. "How could she have left without us noticing?!"

"Well, you and Sam were rather angry, I think it was very easy for her to slip away." Dean glared at Jack.

"So help me God, if a single hair on her head is out of place, all hell will break loose, and it'll be on you." Sam sighed, shaking his head.

Dean dialed your phone number, looking apprehensive. "Y/n, I swear if you sent me to voicemail on purpose, I am going to kill you! Answer me, damnit!"

"Let me try." Sam mumbled. "Y/n, please call and let us know you're okay. We're worried."

"I can find her." Jack said hopefully. He closed his eyes, searching for any sign of you. He saw you sitting next to a guy in a bar, he saw the man put something in your drink, and he saw you pass out outside of the bar.

Jack grew angry. He knew what happened to you was wrong, he could feel you were in distress. "She's in trouble."

.

. .

. . .

"Wakey wakey, sunshine!" Elliott cheered as he threw water on your face. You gasped, bolting awake. You found that you were bound in a chair, the thick rope cutting into your skin. You looked around to see that you were in some kind of a abandoned building.

You were relieved to see that you still had on all your clothes. "I was worried for a second. I thought I might have given you too high of a dose for your body."

"You roofied me." You groaned.

"I did! But you have to understand, Y/n, I would have never gotten you out of there otherwise. You're one of the strongest sacrifices I've ever had."

"Eros." You said in realization.

"Ding ding ding! We have a winner!" Eros almost seemed happy by the situation. "You are going to be one of the best sacrifices I've had. A hunter with a strong heart full of compassion and pure love. The perfect candidate."

"Please," You whimpered. "Let me go."

Eros sucked in a breath, faking remorse. "You see, I wish I could. . . But I can't. I need you. Ever since the last sacrifice escaped, I've been looking for a new one. And then your brother's, boy wonder and you roll into town. I knew as soon as I saw you that you were perfect. Almost too perfect."

You felt a tear slip down your cheek. "Please. I don't want to die. I'm only 21, there's so much things I haven't done yet. Let me live." You pleaded.

"I was hoping you'd say that." Eros grinned, pulling up a chair in front of you, sitting with his chest on the back of the chair. "I was actually looking for a wife." He gave you a wicked grin that made you squirm in your seat. "I need an heir, or heiress, I don't discriminate. I just want someone to pass my powers off to, to teach. So, I can let you live if you agree to be my wife."

"Rot in hell." You spat, disgusted by the thought of marrying Eros. He grew annoyed, as he punched you, your head snapping back.

"That's too bad." Eros shook his head. "But, at least I'll get to enjoy killing you."

You watched in horror as Eros' fingernails grew into sharp, claw-like hands, almost like a werewolves. You screamed in pain as he drew his finger over your face. "Shh, shh, love. It's gonna be okay." You gave out a small cry, struggling against the ropes.

"The more you struggle, the more it's going to hurt." Eros said in a singsong voice.

You began whispering apologies in your head, to Sam, Dean, Jack, Cas, Rowena, everyone. There were so many unfinished words, so many unsaid 'I love you's,'

"I'm sorry." You whispered. You screamed out once more as Eros dug his nails into your chest.

"Y/N!" You heard Dean yell. Sam, Dean and Jack appeared from behind a crate, your brothers carrying guns, and we'll, Jack himself was a weapon.

"Ah, ah, ah." Eros grinned wickedly. "I am holding her life in the palm of my hand; literally. So put down those shiny guns, and step away from them." Sam and Dean looked at each other. Eros scowled as he dug his nails deeper into your skin. You cried out in pain, feeling his nails getting closer to your heart.

"Alright! Alright!" Sam said hastily, setting down his gun and stepping away, encouraging Dean to do the same.

You were quite the sight for the men. You had blood coating your clothes, a bruised eye from the blows that Eros landed earlier, your hair was a mess and you face was streaked with tears.

"Get away from her!" Jack bellowed.

"Oh, look, it's your lover boy." Jack's words only made Eros angrier, as he retracted his hand, and swiped his claws over your face, creating four long gashes.

"I said get away from her!" Jack's eyes began to glow orange, and he trembled with anger. Eros looked frightened as he was sent flying back into the wall.

Sam and Dean surged forward, both carrying a wooden stake dipped in lambs blood, while Jack went to help you.

"It's okay," He whispered. "I've got you." You gave out a small whimper as he cut the ropes. "Can you stand?" You tried to stand up with the help of Jack, but your knees buckled beneath you. Jack scooped you up in his arms. You buried your head in his chest, turning away from you brothers, who were currently killing Eros.

"Take me home." You mumbled before darkness enveloped you.

.

. .

. . .

When you awoke, you were in your bed at the bunker, surrounded by Cas, Sam, Dean, Jack and Rowena.

"Y/n." Dean breathed a breath of relief as he hugged you. You winced in pain, your body still sore from you attack. "I am so sorry. I never should have said those things to you. I'm so glad you're okay."

"It's okay, Dean." You assured him. Even though you said you were fine, there was still pain swimming in his eyes.

"We couldn't heal your wounds with magic," Rowena informed you. "Since Eros was the one to injure you, it will have to heal naturally. I did make you some herbs that will stop the pain, however."

"Thanks, Rowena." You smiled. The room began emptying out, everyone wanted to let you rest. Jack, however, didn't leave your side.

"I'm sorry, Y/n." He whispered.

"Why are you sorry?" You asked, squeezing his hand.

"I let you get hurt. I should have gotten there sooner." You saw there were tears in his eyes. You frowned as you scooted over.

"Come lie beside me." Jack hesitantly climbed into the bed, pushing aside the covers. You wrapped your arms around his middle and rested your head on his chest. "You got me out of there when you did. I'm okay, and that's all that matters."

"But-"

You cut Jack off with a kiss. "I don't want to talk about it anymore." You mumbled, cupping his cheek. "I just want you to hold me."

"I can do that." Jack nodded, pulling you closer to his body. You decided to put on a movie as you and Jack cuddled. Halfway through the movie, you ended up falling asleep. Jack didn't sleep that often, but he felt so at peace that he fell asleep as well.

When everyone came to check on you again, their hearts melted at the sight of you and Jack. "Oh, just look at them." Rowena whispered to the men. "They're so cute."

"Yeah," Dean nodded. "They are."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Tag List: @mila-dans @blairrrose