hey remember that caramel-carmel Fake Script i was writing? yeah it's technically not done but i'm tired of tinkering with it so here it is! we'll just say it's a uhhhh uncovered partial script or somethin
this is not in any way official! it's a 100% unaffiliated fanwork & i am Just Fucking Around for Funsies
~
BARNABY: oh, I love carmul!
FRANK: [long, disgusted pause] …what?
BARNABY: Carmul! You know, those tasty little treats you’re holdin’!
FRANK: You mean caramel?
BARNABY: That’s what I said.
FRANK: [scoffs] No, you didn’t. You said carmul.
BARNABY: We’re sayin’ the same thing here.
FRANK: We absolutely are not!
JULIE: [giggles] You really aren’t.
BARNABY: Carmul, caramel, tomato, tomahto! What does it matter!
FRANK: [flustered, stammering] It - it matters! Julie, you agree with me, don’t you?
JULIE: Well… I don’t know, Frank! I think both are fun!
FRANK: You’re both wrong, then! Wally, you agree with me, don’t you?
WALLY: [hesitant] …I say carmul.
FRANK: No! Not you too! How could you poison him like this, Barnaby?
BARNABY: Don’t look at me! I’m innocent, honest!
FRANK: Ha! So you admit that carmul is the wrong pronunciation!
BARNABY: [groans] ah, geez… throw a dog a bone!
FRANK: I’d be delighted to if you’d just-
[distant yelp as Eddie trips off-screen]
FRANK: Eddie! Thank goodness, finally someone who can put an end to this debate!
EDDIE: [nervous laugh] Oh no, what did I stumble into this time?
BARNABY: Hold on a tic, Frank. Hey Ed, take this. What do you call that tasty treat?
EDDIE: [with a tinge of fear] A… caramel?
FRANK: [triumphant] a-HA!
SALLY: [approaching] Did someone mention carmul?
FRANK: AGH!
BARNABY: [delighted] Perfect timing, Sally!
SALLY: What, for a delicious morsel? Hand it over, thank you!
FRANK: You’re all wrong, and I’ll prove it! We’re going to go around the neighborhood and - wait. [under his breath] One two three four - [returns to normal volume] we’re taking this to Poppy’s!
BARNABY: Then Home, then Howdy, yeah yeah - might as well ask the daisies, too.
JULIE: Oooh, and the butterflies!
SALLY: While we’re at it, we should phone everyone in the book, just to get the widest audience input.
FRANK: [unamused] You all think you’re so funny.
EDDIE: Well, you gotta admit it’s… it’s…
[brief, tense pause. Eddie clears his throat]
EDDIE: It’s perfectly sensible!
[Frank makes an affronted noise]
FRANK: Poppy will see sense.
-
POPPY: I’d be delighted to have a cah-mehl, but I’m afraid it-
FRANK: [aghast, truly astonished] You’re joking. You have to be joking. CAH-MEHL? Does no one in this town have sense?! Besides Eddie, of course. And Julie - on a technicality.
EDDIE: [oddly pleased] Why thank you.
POPPY: My goodness, did- did I say it wrong?
BARNABY: [gleeful] Not in the least, Pops!
SALLY: As far as I’m concerned, you added an extra layer of… pizazz to the word. In fact, I may adjust my own pronunciation accordingly!
POPPY: [flustered] Oh, well, I didn’t - don’t change on my account -
SALLY: Take the compliment, Poppy.
POPPY: [meekly] Thank you.
[Sally wanders from the group, practicing the slightly adjusted pronunciation]
WALLY: I’m not sure I understand. What’s wrong with carmul or… care… mul… carmel…
POPPY: Don’t strain yourself dear, you’ll get a migraine.
FRANK: What’s wrong is that it’s ENTIRELY incorrect! It! Is! Pronounced! Caramel!
JULIE: Aww, Frank, I’m sure Home and Howdy will agree with us! Team Caramel, WOOO!
BARNABY: [barely restrained disbelief] Boy, won’t they!
POPPY: I’m not sure what the fuss is about… there isn’t much of a difference, is there?
[Frank makes a high pitched, frustrated noise and stomps off. He can be heard calling Home’s name in the background]
JULIE: Oop, there he goes!
POPPY: Oh - oh dear. I didn’t mean to rile him up.
BARNABY: Don’t twist your beak about it - Frank’s just bein’ Frank. Now if you’ll excuse us, I wanna see how it goes with Home.
WALLY: [quietly, thoughtful] But Home doesn’t talk like us…
POPPY: If you’re sure… Do let me know how it goes.
SALLY: [swaying back to the group] I’ll phone you post-haste! Or even better, I can come by for one of your delicious muffins and regale you with the whole escapade, in detail.
POPPY: [audibly pleased] That sounds - well that sounds like a wonderful idea! I have some fresh from this morning-
BARNABY: Sounds great! See you around, Poppy.
-
FRANK: Home, I have an important question to ask you. Is the correct pronunciation for this candy ‘carmul’, or ‘caramel’? One creak for caramel, two for the incorrect carmul.
BARNABY: Talk about a bias…
[Home stays silent. Sally yawns.]
FRANK: One creak for caramel, two-
[Home slowly shuts their curtains]
FRANK: Hmph! The nerve… well, I suppose a house that can’t speak shouldn’t have a say, anyway.
WALLY: Home can speak. He just does it differently.
BARNABY: And I’m pretty sure they just agreed with me, Walls, an’ Sally.
JULIE: They did not!
BARNABY: Looked like it to me!
SALLY: I have to agree with Julie. Home just declared itself a neutral party, and so the vote can’t be counted either way. On to Howardson!
JULIE: Yes! Howdy! Our last hope!
FRANK: He may have terrible taste in company, but he’s a sensible businessman. Poppy and Home have let me-
JULIE: Us!
FRANK: -us down, but surely Howdy will back us up.
BARNABY: [faux-serious tone, knows something they don’t] Absolutely. Without a doubt.
-
[store bell chimes]
HOWDY: Howdy-do - [brief pause, a tinge of surprise] everyone! My my, what brings the entire neighborhood to my bountiful bodega? Finally decided to clean me out for good?
BARNABY: [snorts] With how fast you restock? I think I’d break my funnybone!
FRANK: We have important business.
HOWDY: [mildly curious] Do we? That’s news to me! But I’m letting you know now that I don’t deal in bugs, Frankly. It’d be hypocritical.
FRANK: Believe me, I wish I were here to talk insects. Unfortunately, I need to settle a score. Mr. Dear, if you would?
EDDIE: If I would what?
SALLY: [stage-whisper] Barnabello gave you the, ah, parcel earlier?
EDDIE: The…? Oh! Oh, right - I have it right here, just… give me a second… which pocket…? There we go.
[sound of a small, hard candy placed on the countertop]
HOWDY: A carmul all for me? You shouldn’t have! No, really, you shouldn’t have. I’m on the clock.
BARNABY: [loud bark of laughter] I knew I could count on you, pal! So what’s the tally, Frankie?
[Frank mutters something inaudible]
BARNABY: What was that? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of me bein’ right!
FRANK: [explosive] You’re all wrong! The correct pronunciation is caramel, CARAMEL! You’re all - you’re all just - heathens! Heathens, I say! I’m taking my company elsewhere!
EDDIE: Mr. Frankly…
JULIE: [overlapping, following] Aw, c’mon Frank!
[the door jingles. Julie and Frank’s hushed arguing in the doorway underlies the dialogue]
HOWDY: It sounds like I missed quite the context! Mind filling me in?
BARNABY: That was pretty much it; a real potato potahto argument.
HOWDY: If you say so, Barn. Speaking of potahtos-
[the background argument abruptly cuts off, the door jingles again as it's closed]
FRANK: [rapidly rejoining the group] Hold it! You don’t really say potahto, do you?
BARNABY: [under breath] Here we go again…
SALLY: [deeply amused] Where on Earth did you pick up such a butchered pronunciation? I must have missed the sign on my tour down from the heavens.
EDDIE: [baffled, underlying the dialogue] I’ve never heard anyone say it that way.
JULIE: Oh! Is it a joke? Like, Barnaby says potato-potahto, and then you jokingly say potahto to make us laugh?
HOWDY: It’s not a joke. That’s how it’s said.
FRANK: [genuinely disturbed] No - no one says that. It’s potato.
HOWDY: Well I say potahto, thank you very much! And if you ever want one from my store again, you’d do well to accept that.
[Various grumbles of reluctant acceptance]
HOWDY: Good. Now, can I get any of you a refreshing drink after such a squall? You must be parched!
WALLY: I wouldn’t mind a glass of mulk.
[Horrified silence. A pin drop would be deafening]
[Sudden uproarious and overlapping argument]
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W rizz
Wednesday rizz
Ler!Wednesday Lee!Enid
Something shifted on Wednesday's day. Like it seemed like a normal school day in Nevermore, but something was off. On a sunny, shining morning Enid wasn't in her bed. It was routine that Enid came jerking and waking up Wednesday until she demanded Enid to stop it. It was odd, she didn't come to lunch, she skipped one of the few classes they had together, then ran to be alone in Eugene's lair of bees. Before their last class, Wednesday went to Yoko, keeping her monotone voice but inside she was seconds away from her voice cracking down and her balling into tears.
Wednesday: Enid hasn't annoyed me all day. Tell me where she is now or else I'm harming the first person I lay my eyes on. Starting with you.
Yoko: Chill, don't hurt me. Enid got into a fight with her parents yesterday, she's fine now but it was rough this morning.
As bubbly as she is Enid periodically keeps the sad stuff to herself. Wednesday didn't know until today from Yoko about Enid's parents, and how her Mom constantly pushes her into wolf conversion camp. When the sweet girl is sad, she never wants it to affect Wednesday. She instead separates herself and comes into public view until she's ready. Wednesday spent the remaining break time shedding her tears and expressing her thoughts to Thing in the bathroom stall. Thing said she saw Enid laughing it up with Bianca, however, Wednesday knew a part of her was only being happy as a way to hide her struggles. Thing suggested to do the code word: two snaps, Wednesday pulls a heavy sigh. Not that she didn't want to do it, but she still struggled with the how. But Thing tells times where Enid truly smiles, to where Wednesday misses it and lets her guard down by smiling. Her recalling how ticklish she is was now Wednesday's reason to make her gf happy.
Wednesday: Fine, but tell a living soul about this and I'll restrict your manicure time with Enid.
Thing swore to Wednesday as she goes to class where Enid waves at her. She apologizes for the absence and says it's because she was doing her missing assignments for other classes. Wednesday couldn't believe that excuse, she was a Straight A student all around. The whole class was spent in a study hall, both were concentrating on their textbooks about anatomy. While Enid was lodged in her book Wednesday snuck in a few side pokes which made Enid jump. She looks around, thinking it's Yoko or Ajax but they're on the other side of the classroom. It happens again, two pokes that make her jump and drop her pencil and water bottle. She checks under the desk for Thing, no sight of them but just a pair of fingers painted black that was tickling her sides again. Enid covers herself in the book and whispers to Wednesday who pretends to not be bothered by Enid's dilemma.
Enid: Addams, are you the one tickling me?
Wednesday: Yes.
Enid: But why?
Wednesday: You don't want to know why.
Enid hated Wednesday's short answers but loved that she might potentially get tickled. Any feeling or thought of getting tickled can easily erase the bad day Enid has been feeling. She secretly cheers from inside her book before going back to her sad aura for the entire period. After more pokes, and Enid's improvement in holding in her laughs the long period was over. Enid was still focusing on her note-taking until everyone left the room, Wednesday did a surprise attack on her side and neck making Enid laugh and fall off her high stool chair. Wednesday was smirking over the book, she has a thing for Enid's high-pitched laugh.
Enid: HEHEHEHE why did you do that??
Wednesday: Your tickling laughter is much different than your normal laughter?
Enid: So you like my laugh?
Wednesday: Don't push it Sinclair.
Enid did think the constant teasing and the sudden attack were all Wednesday had to offer to cheer her up. She was feeling better at the thought of Wednesday being kind enough to tickle her. But soon the black cloud came back during Enid's sailboating class, all she wishes and craves is Wednesday to tickle her. It's been clogging up her mind so badly that Yoko got mad at how distracted she was. But luckily those thoughts made her not think about what she was originally sad about. She went back to her room, coming in she didn't see the sight Wednesday doing her typewriting activity. When she closed the door she was met with the surprise of Wednesday tackling her to her pink-infested bed, tickling her sides insanely. Wednesday didn't need to pin Enid down, the deep side tickles were ticklish enough for Enid to not endure. Wednesday worried for nothing if Enid was the sensitive type who would laugh at anything.
Enid: WENSWENSWENS PLSHAHHAHHAH
Wednesday: You were quite dumb for thinking this wasn't going to happen, I gave you hints all day.
All there was as a hint was Enid being poked a few times, she never expected Wednesday to pull a tickle monster attack. While Wednesday was tickling Enid's armpits and neck relentlessly she was starting to understand the liking of tickling. Besides Enid's big smile causing a pink shade on Wednesday's face she liked that tickling was technically a torture method. A torture method that doesn't cause any harm just laughs. She liked Enid's reactions and her squeaky laugh, also how she stands up whenever the pinching got close to her hips. Since no one was here she can smile freely at Enid's laugh. When Enid had enough for now Wednesday stopped momentarily. Enid was too tired to notice Wednesday was smiling at how tired she was from the tickling. Enid wasn't out of breath, but not too passed out to call it quits. However, the call out of Wednesday's sudden attitude made her punished with tickles.
Enid: You're smiling WAITHAHAHAHAHA
Wednesday: I told you I'll kill you if you noticed my smile.
Enid: SORRYSORRY
She went back to tickling Enid's tummy, this time adding her feet to the equation. Her body was curled up, which took the right opportunity to tickle her feet and eventually get her armpit at the same time. Enid was yelling thru her screaming laughs, wondering how Wednesday became good at this. Wednesday just said it's easy, which is particularly true since her demand got Enid to lift her arms to tickle every part of her armpit. The secret is, she learned from Thing as sometimes Enid shares her secrets with the hand who's a good listener. She did another break since Wednesday and is worried that Enid would soon lose her voice over the amount of laughing she's doing. But soon the tickling intrigues her when she rubs Enid's stomach and her foot moves. She forgets how Enid's wolf powers are still engraved into her human self, which Wednesday thought was pretty cute. Which she won't admit to Enid.
Wednesday: My puppy...
Enid: What did you say HAHAHAHAHA
Wednesday: Oh nothing...
Then Wednesday ruins the sweet moments by pinching and squeezing every part of her ticklish tummy. Wednesday was becoming terrible at keeping a straight face thru her enjoyment of tickling Enid. Any slight chance of her gf catching it makes her tickle her ribs to forget what she saw five seconds ago. The thighs were a deadly spot, Wednesday was happy over Enid's NONOs when she approaches her thighs. Her laughter over Wednesday pinching her thighs was top-notch. It was a dangerous combo for Wednesday to tickle her thighs, but also move to her toes. Enid officially gave up as her body was sore from the endless hour of laughter Wednesday gave to her.
Enid: STOP STOP HAHAHHAHAIM HAPPY NOWHAHHAH
Wednesday: I don't believe you.
Enid: THELAUGHINGSHOULDOFGAVEITAWSY
Wednesday stopped, and Enid gave Wednesday a long hug. It struck a strong emotion in Wednesday, a feeling of warmth that warms up her cold heart. They looked at each other, still, Enid laying on the bed setting her hands on Wednesday's soft cheeks. Enid didn't want this to be awkward until the other friend softly kissed her, causing a sweet but unexpected moment. Their eyes widen after, but they went back to kissing. Then Wednesday took this small opportunity to give a neck raspberry to Enid, which she laughed hard at. Wednesday started to smile at how red Enid's face was, it was the cutest thing she's ever laid eyes on. Now Enid was back to normal, her puppy smiles and big smile being on and her ready to annoy Wednesday with facts about K-pop idols.
Enid: I was thinking we- HAHAHAHAHAHA
Wednesday: Or maybe I should keep going.
Wednesday says massaging her sides and digging her thumbs for it which causes Enid to go crazy over it. She's crazy over a lot of things, mostly over how evil Wednesday can be with tickling. More evil than usual. After finally getting all those giggles out she hugged Wednesday, tighter than before since she loves tight hugs. Especially the ones where she doesn't have the range to move her arms. She hugs her for a straight five minutes before kissing her again. Then they continued their activities of doing hw and Wednesday spent her night playing the cello. They ate dinner with their friend group and they were surprised at how Enid bounced back from her happy self. She lied and said she watched some Seventeen videos when in reality her girlfriend was wrecking her. They looked at each other and smiled, holding hands from under the table. They whisper I love you in each other's ears.
Enid: Love you Wens.
Wednesday: You too my little bad wolf.
Enid was blushing so hard after that.
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