#yes i know i haven't included every single person who was at the event
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it's a little funny to me that people on here who haven't watched house md and have only heard about it through the grapevine seem to think that the asexuality episode is the only time that the show egregiously erred about a sensitive topic most people at the time knew nothing about. like i swear to god on EVERY post on here about the show being hashtag problematic there's ALWAYS someone in the comments going "and it was bad about asexuality which makes it worse!" and yes the show was bad about asexuality (i am ace. i know) and yes that happened at a time when asexuality was essentially unknown to almost everyone in america, but citing that as though it's like.... a singular event that only happened to one marginalized group who happened to be Particularly hated is like... very very Very much ignoring how frequent and systematic these writing choices were.
in curating a list of episodes to skip i'm finding archived contemporary articles written the DAY after episodes came out from various relevant organizations saying "hey!! hey!! this is the first time most of the american public has ever encountered this issue and you were fucking cruel and evil about it!!" about topics including but not limited to: asexuality, intersexism (TWICE), homophobia, Deaf culture, autism, schizophrenia, psychosis, low empathy, AIDS, and racial medical disparities. this is not the end of the list it's just the ones i can remember rn. the writers of the show did not ONLY think that asexuality doesn't exist. the writers of the show were afflicted with south-park-itis wherein every time they heard about literally any marginalized group having feelings or opinions different from the mainstream, they went, "wow, i don't like that! what's the best way to mock and belittle them as thoroughly as possible so that everyone knows that we're very very smart and know everything and these nasty people are very very stupid and deserve to be othered??"
the show doesn't Just suck about asexuality. it sucks about everything. and it's not because it's a cute tongue-in-cheek "ooo we hate everyone equally 🤗" thing. it's because the writers were actively vitriolic and cruel and inhumane about every single person they didn't care to understand. it's bad. the ace episode is not an outlier, it's par for the course for the entire series.
#house md#hate crimes md#love that that's a fandom tag. it is more apt than people realize#it's one of those shows where people always go 'hes SUPPOSED to be an asshole' and you go#'yeah because. because the writers wanted an excuse to be assholes. you get that there were motivations here right'#the same exact conceit and execution as south park. unfortunately when house is compelling and good it's COMPELLING AND GOOD#but it's not consistently that at all. there is no consistent morality or messaging#the messaging is simply 'we're angry at marginalized people and hate them and want to tell you about it'#'but some of us do have big feelings about addiction and disability and so we'll put those in there too. fuck you though'#like alright.#negative
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Note: I haven't watched Derision yet but I got spoiled by the Bible, but I'll tag this as a spoiler nonetheless. You're welcome.
Ah yes. More unwarranted Marinette salt. I would also like to manifest here that Pee Girl is in no way, shape, or form equipped to interpret Marinette's dialogue with an impartial and compassionate lens, as what victims of ANY traumatic experiences need the most.
Pee Girl is so quick to conclude that Marinette's resolution to dig up details about people she's interested in is a big red flag. I mean, I do agree, but she missed SOME CRUCIAL POINTS:
Marinette didn't have anyone to process her trauma with and heal. To even think that she should've had the capacity to heal on her own when she must have not told her parents about the incident or when she was unable to run to Socqueline after that is crazy. That includes realizing in a split-second that "stalking someone" is not the best way to cope with having a crush the next time she does have one. Of course, this shouldn't excuse her impulse to know every single detail about her crush even as a safeguard because it still counts as an invasion of privacy on the other person's part. But to come to that conclusion that Marinette is evil incarnate because she lacked time and resources to process and heal properly from that traumatic event is lunacy, and like it or not, Pee Girl, you are not innocent either and you're a fucking jackass.
NONE of what happened between her and Luka, or even her and Kagami, were a direct effect of that humiliation she suffered under Chloe (and partly Kim). Marinette may have hurt Kagami in the process of keeping her from Adrien, but THERE WAS NO INSTANCE OF MARINETTE HAVING TO FIGHT ANOTHER GIRL JUST TO GET KIM TO LIKE HER. It makes absolutely no sense to flame Marinette for hurting Kagami unintentionally (I don't even know why you're still not over it when they're best friends as of season 5) in the pursuit of Adrien when this sort of thing never happened with her pursuit of Kim from like, a few years ago. Also, Marinette wasn't even seeing anyone back then, so it also makes no sense to flame her for "not being loyal to Luka" when she had no history of cheating on anyone when Socqueline was still around as her bestie. So basically, Pee Girl blames Marinette for being an asshole to Luka and Kagami for... whatever happened between her and Kim? What the fuck is this logic.
To Pee Girl: You hate Marinette. WE GET IT. But your post is just basically scolding her for being a stalker, invalidating her trauma instead of just wishing for better days for her to heal, be a better person too and grow out of the habit of stalking her crush. I have to admit that there were some points in this rant that were valid, but it all boiled down to wishing for a witchhunt for Marinette even while she hasn't even processed her trauma with an expert. She's not a real person, but I for one believe that how you see fictional characters can be correlated with how you treat people around you. If you're this unforgiving, this uncompassionate and this unempathetic towards a 14-year old girl who had to endure a lot of psychological trauma from bullying, then maybe you're also a shithead who thinks victims of bullying deserve to be in pain, and whatever hurt they caused makes them spawns of Satan, even while their trauma has not been processed yet, even when they haven't even sought professional help.
BONUS: I don't care if you're a Marinette hate blog. But you're an asshole, and that's not supposed to be the rest of the fandom's problem. But I am one of those people who have a problem with this shitty ass take of yours that deserves to be incinerated in a landfill, because I have been bullied before and had to go through a time where my trauma was unprocessed and I had hurt people too. My crap wasn't excused, and I had a lot of backlash as a teen, so I devoted the rest of my time and energy to healing, processing my trauma, and turning to my support systems for genuine help. I had gone through therapy to be less sucky and to hurt people less, because NO ONE DESERVES TO GET UNJUSTLY HURT.
It's my turn to use your words against you, you ugly trick-ass bitch: I'll be lucky if I find a day to finally forgive you for your bullshit, but at this point, I don't wish to be THAT lucky.
#ml derision spoilers#ml s5 spoilers#miraculous ladybug#pee girl salt#marinette sugar#anti bullying#ml derision
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ATEEZ PROMPT FEST
hosted by @tinycupids-world
hello everyone! i know I haven't posted in ages, and it's mainly because I don't have any ideas on what to write and because I'm working on requests that are taking forever to write bc I'm lazy
SO, to have myself working, im giving yall a list of prompts to choose from if anyone wants to request something!
all of these prompts are just, like, the base. you can change anything up if you want to! just make sure to tell me which member you want it to be and what the genre is. this event will only last 2-4 weeks!
ALL PROMPTS ARE FROM SERVICESCAPE AND TUMBLR.
Story Prompts:
Yes, you used to be in love with a vampire, but you were just seventeen, and emotions were running high. You broke it off with him before you left for college, and although it was weird to go back to the real world, you knew it was the right thing to do. But then students at your college begin to go missing. Bodies are found on campus drained of blood. You've had enough when your roommate and your new boyfriend disappear. It's time to put on some garlic, grab a stake, and end this relationship. You just hope you can resist his irresistible charms.
Your life was uneventful until New Year's Eve, 2019, when a strange portal opened before you and a panicked figure ran out, claiming to be from the future. They said they wanted to save you from government agents from their time, who were about to travel here to kill you. They explained that, sometime in the future, you will create a technology rendering all other energy sources useless. You laughed, telling them you are a broke college student who eats ramen thrice daily. Before you could convince them they had the wrong person, another portal materialized.
A handsome stranger moves to your small town, and all the single women are desperate to impress them. As a shy bookworm, you work at the local library and read the classics. You are surprised when the newcomer frequents the library daily, reading old journals. The two of you bond over your love of books, and something different about him makes you fall for him. One day after they leave, you chance upon one of the books they have been reading, which details the town's history. You are shocked when you look at a picture of the town's founders and see someone who looks identical to the newcomer.
Two star-crossed lovers from warring planets fall in love on a peace-seeking mission that goes awry. They secretly stay in contact, although their governments are at war. They must choose whether or not to prove that peace can be reached by exposing their relationship to the world at the risk of losing everything, including their lives.
Growing up, there was a knock on the door every year at midnight on your birthday. With everyone sound asleep, you would always check who's there, only to be met with nothing. On your 20th birthday, the knock happens as usual, but someone is standing before you this time. The handsome person from your night's nightmare wielded powerful magic and saved you from a dark being during your dream. You hope that your dream was not a premonition.
You're just enjoying your day off from work, thinking about maybe watching that new movie that people keep talking about, when the literal air splits around you, and a person appears out of nowhere. They're tall and handsome and tell you they've been sent from the future to protect you. You think they're crazy, but you saw them come from nowhere. When they grab your hand, you feel a spark. This person is here to save your life—and change it forever.
Raised in an orphanage, you know nothing of your magical heritage. However, when you reached the age of maturity, you discovered that you possessed the powers of both the light and the dark. You don't know how your dark powers came to be, but they could get you killed by the magical enforcers: a group sworn to remove black magic from the world. That's why you fled the orphanage in the dead of night and never looked back. You survived on the streets, using your wit, grit, and a few of your dark powers, but only when absolutely necessary. Now an adult, you remain in the shadows, keeping to yourself. One fateful night you stumble across an attempted murder. You refuse to watch an innocent man be killed. You save their life with no choice but to use your dark powers. Little do you know that the handsome person you saved is, in fact, a magical enforcer.
"Speak softly love," he whispers in your ear. But when you turn in surprise, there is nothing there but a bust of a handsome young man staring back at you. You continue walking down the dark corridor.
You are a young person on a student scholarship at a high-profile British university. One day at the uni pub, you meet a handsome young man with whom you fell in love at first sight. The next day, you open the newspaper only to discover you have been out with a crown prince.
Your lover leaves you for somebody else, but you can't live without them. You find a way to travel back in time to discover what you did wrong and figure out how you can make things right. You can control time. But can you control free will?
You whisper to him that he is the love of your life. He backs away, looks into your eyes, and tells you that no one has been alive here in over a hundred years.
As a senior detective in the special victims crimes unit, you are hunting down a serial killer who targets young college students. The clues lead you to a reclusive billionaire with a "devil-may-care" attitude. But something is off. It's just too neat when all fingers point to him. However, you can't help but question your motives as you find yourself drawn to him in ways you've never felt before. Can you put aside your desires to find out if he's a serial killer, or will your passion get in the way of doing your job?
They say that these old ruins are haunted. That no one should ever go there at night. Well, after your partner goes missing, you go to that place. The one place that everybody said was the last place you should look for them. You hope to find your love but may find more than you bargained for.
Androids live among humans and perform a wide variety of tasks. As an android built to be a butler, you enjoy your work and are satisfied with your role. However, after a few years, you begin to experience what can only be called love for a human being who lives next door. As you diligently wash the dishes, longingly looking through the window at your crush, you decide to prove worthy of their affection. Little do you know that your love interest thinks of you as more of an appliance than an individual.
You are a time traveler, and on your latest journey, you meet and fall in love with a beautiful but mysterious person. When your lover suddenly vanishes before your eyes, you realize that they're a time traveler as well. You move through time again and again to find them.
You are new in town and determined to blend in and keep a low profile. After securing a job at a local coffee shop, you convince everyone that you are an average human, not an incubus with a dark past. When a human regular at the coffee shop starts taking an interest in you, you can't help falling for them. When you become comfortable in your new routine, an unwelcome reminder in the form of your succubus ex struts back into your life. Before they can blow your cover, you must reveal the truth about yourself to the person you love.
You are a jewel thief trying to get out of the business, but you agree to take one last job before going straight. The money seems too good to be true—enough to set you up for life—so you can't turn it down. However, there's a catch. You need to steal the jewels from an auction house where your former lover is the head of security. It's been more than ten years, but the pain of his betrayal is still very real. You plan to get close to him again to learn the ins and outs of the auction's security system. You didn't plan on falling back in love with him.
Other prompts:
Angst:
“I didn’t want to hurt you. But I also couldn’t stop.”
“Just let me go. Please, I want to leave.”
“Pushing me away will not help you.”
“I don’t feel safe with you anymore.”
“Did you really believe I cared for you?”
“You deserved everything that happened to you.”
“I know you don’t want to do this. But I’m afraid you must.”
“You can’t even see how much you hurt me.”
“Stop giving me hope. It hurts so much more.”
“Our forever seems to have been short-lived.”
“I’m done. Do whatever you want, but do it without me.”
“Stop trying to make it up to me, you can’t!”
“Ignoring the problems will not make them go away.”
“How could I ever trust you again after this?”
“You’re not deserving of me.”
“You always knew me better than everyone else, so it will probably not surprise you, that I have to leave.”
“Without you here, I don’t have enough left to stay.”
“This will be our last conversation for a while. But it will never be the last.”
“I have to leave, you know that. I’m just sad that I have to leave you here behind.”
“Wherever I go, I will always take a piece of you with me. Even if it’s just the voice in my head.”
“You don’t have to worry about me, I will be fine.”
“I will be gone for a while, but I will always eventually come back to you. I promise.”
“There are other ways to deal with this. Please, don’t leave!”
“Don’t you understand how much it would hurt me to see you go?”
“This is not about me, not about us. It’s about you and I don’t want you to do something stupid that you will regret.”
“I just can’t let you go. Please, don’t make me try to make you stay.”
“You don’t need to do this!”
“Please! Please, don’t leave me here alone!”
“It would kill me to let you go and do this.”
“Tell me what I can do to make you stay. What I can say, so you won’t leave. I need to know how I can fix this!”
“I’m sorry that it had to come to this.”
“I’m sorry for not believing you.”
“I’m sorry for being too late.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.”
“I’m sorry for making you feel like this.”
“I’m sorry this happened to you.”
“I’m sorry for not realizing it sooner.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.”
“I’m sorry for hurting you.”
“I’m sorry that you feel like this.”
“I’m sorry for believing what they told me.”
“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
“I’m sorry that you think that.”
“I’m sorry for not seeing it sooner.”
“I’m sorry that I made you cry.”
“I’m sorry for leaving you behind.”
“I’m sorry for not responding.”
“I’m sorry for not talking to you.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I’m sorry I made you worry.”
“I’m sorry that we fought.”
“I’m sorry, but that was not my fault.”
“I’m sorry that you think of me like that.”
“I’m sorry for making you choose.”
“I’m sorry for lying to you.”
“I’m sorry for not saying anything sooner.”
“I’m sorry, but I need an answer.”
“I’m sorry that I have to say goodbye.”
“I’m sorry that you had to go through this.”
“I’m sorry for not being there for you.”
Fluff:
staring at them with heart eyes
getting caught staring
“I’m so incredibly proud of you.”
booping the other’s nose
calling them a pet name
“You’re just too adorable when you blush.”
hands brushing against each other, finally linking together
biting their lips, while holding the gaze
“Sweetheart.”
smearing ice cream on the other’s nose
and licking it away
“I’m not blushing!” “Yes, you are.”
being called their girlfriend/boyfriend for the first time
hiding under the blankets to hide the blush
“May I have this dance?”
complimenting each other unexpectedly
giving them a hand kiss
“I really like that color on you. Brings out your eyes.”
blowing them a kiss
getting pushed together in a crowd
“You’re getting so red, so don’t try to deny it, my love.”
calling them “mine”
“You make me a better person.”
“Do you want a hug?”
“You’re so cute when you blush.”
“Everything alright?” “I just missed you.”
“I wouldn’t want to be here with anyone else.”
“That’s so sweet of you.”
“Rough day? Can I make it better?”
“Come on. Let’s go home.”
“Believe me, I will never be tired of you.”
“I love how you look in my shirt.”
“How come you always end up under my blanket?”
“There is no better way to start the day than seeing your face.”
“You’re unbelievable cute when you’re tired.”
“I love to hear your voice, even if you’re so far away.”
“Is it fair to say that you read the love letter and that this means ‘yes’?”
“Morning cuddles are the best part of the day.”
“Have I told you I love you today?”
“I would like my good morning kiss now.”
“Let’s go, I’ll buy you dinner. And maybe breakfast.”
“You getting so flustered is one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen.”
“I think I know what that smile means.”
“You give the best hugs.”
“How would you feel about spending the day in bed?”
“Oh my, don’t you look adorable!”
“I’m sorry for staring, I just can’t seem to look away.”
“What’s the rush? Just lay back down.”
“Is that my sweater you’re wearing?
"Let’s take a day off and just spend the day together.”
“I feel like I can breathe better with you around.”
“Mmmh, you always smell amazing!”
“I’m so proud of you.”
“Any ideas for our next date?”
“I think I deserve a kiss for this.”
“Of course I know the way you like your coffee.”
“I want everyone to see that we belong together.”
“Thank you for always being by my side.”
“As beautiful as always.”
“Just call me whenever you like.”
“I would never regret a thing in my life, since it led me to you.”
“Nothing makes me more happy than making you smile.”
“Should I bring you some lunch today?”
“I never want this to end.”
“We should just stay in tonight and cuddle.”
“I really want to see you first thing in the morning.”
“This vacation was a wonderful idea.”
“This feels better than I could have ever imagined.”
“Text me when you’re safe at home.”
“I would marry you again in a heartbeat.”
Smut:
“I dreamed of your legs wrapped around my waist.”
“Don’t act innocent when we both know where your mouth was two minutes ago.”
“We should probably leave, before we start a scandal.”
“Stop looking at me like that or my knees will not hold me any longer.”
“I think you lost your underwear somewhere.”
“My tongue still remembers the way you taste.”
“Is there some space left in that bathtub?”
“The way your eyes get darker when you get aroused, is making me lose my mind.”
“I want to count every one of your freckles with my lips.”
“Jealousy seems to be a great motivator for you.”
“Oh no, there is only one bed, what will we do now?”
“I could make you feel better.”
“Get back down here, we’re not done yet.”
“Later you will definitely need to tell me where you learned this.”
“I know I should care about the reason why you’re naked in my bed, but I will just enjoy it for a moment.”
“You’re a lot more flexible than I thought.”
“I want to please you.”
“Tell me what you would want to do, if you were here right now.”
“Your shirt got a little dirty, how about we take it off?”
“I want to give you a hickey, so everyone can see how I feel about you.”
“Oh, I love that sound you make.”
“Do you want to take it off or should I do it for you?”
“I never imagined you to be so sensitive, but I love it.”
“Maybe you could use that mouth for more than just talking nonsense.”
“If we weren’t in public right now…”
“Your hand feels much better than my own.”
“As soon as we’re both sober, we can do every dirty little thing you ever dreamed of.”
“Come on, you have to work for it.”
“I’ll take it that you like what you see.”
“Your moans will wake everyone up and I’m oddly fine with that.”
“Your eyes are already saying yes, now I just need your mouth to tell me the same.”
“I can never seem to get enough of you.”
“How about we continue this somewhere more private?”
“Oh, can you feel this?”
“We won’t be missed for a couple hours, we should take advantage of that.”
“I went to the gym, so I will be able to hold you up even longer.”
“How about we get really dirty before we shower, so that it’s actually worth the effort?”
“Reality is even better than my dreams.”
“I told you, you would eventually start begging.”
“You always know so well what I like.”
“Oh, you’re such a tease!”
“I’m not necessarily hungry for food right now.”
“You’re so tense, do you want me to make you more relaxed?”
“Hmm, is that a threat or a promise?”
“Who would have thought that this is something that you’re into?”
“Can you feel how much I want you?”
“I can never get enough of your taste.”
“Let’s try something new tonight.”
“We don’t even have to take our clothes off.”
“I want to ruin you.”
“Yes, please, do it!”
“Your tongue is truly extraordinary.”
“I have seen you naked before.”
“No bed needed.”
“Sleep is overrated. I have better ideas.”
“You know me so well. You always find the right spot.”
“Please, don’t ever stop!”
“Our bodies fit so well together.”
“I could do this all day. And definitely all night.”
“Let’s get you out of those clothes.”
have fun !
#ateez#ateez fanfic#ateez imagines#ateez x reader#ateez scenarios#ateez x gender neutral reader#ateez x you#ateez smut#sub ateez#sub!ateez#sub!idol#dom ateez#dom!idol#switch ateez#switch!idol#ateez hard thoughts
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Hi! What’s your favorite book??
Oh damn you uncovered Pandora's box, THANK YOU FOR DOING IT. :D
I can't choose only one to save my life, but a selection of my favourites, dividing between prose and poetry/theatre...
Under the cut because IT LONG. And I'll jump at every chance to speak about my favourite books.
(ask the Literature major about books and have them go on rambling for hours)
Prose:
- Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien . Getting into the saga has been one of those formative events for me, as for many other people around. It's an adventure, it's full of love and hope, it can be fun and light and go into deep themes as well. I'm in love with all of Tolkien's works (the fairy tales are so sweet and tender, you can see how much he loves his children reading Roverandom)(and Tree and Leaf has a special place in my heart). I majored in Germanic Philology because of him, and I can say I wouldn't be the same person if I haven't ever read LOTR.
- Master and Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov. Another one of those books I can tell had a "before" and "after" in my life. I LOVE a good satyre, and Bulgakov is just *chef's kiss*. Wouldn't recommend it to anyone that knows little of Russian History or thinks erroneously (sorry not sorry get better informations) that Lenin was a good statesman and a good person. But... There's love, there's a sad woman being empowered by going outside the fence and expectations, good and bad are reversed, there's this very russian theme of strong women saving their male love interest (or trampling them. Seriously, female characters in Russian or Ukrainian as in this case classic authors are SOMETHING ELSE). Social and political criticism. And, a giant cat walking around Moscow and causing ruckus, and I don't know what you could possibly want more from a book.
- The Count of Montecristo, Alexandre Dumas. I distinctly remember barging into my therapist studio after I finished it and saying I was sad because yes I could read this book again, but it wouldn't ever be the first time again. What a glorious, epic book! Managing to mash epic themes with that underlying TRASH that it's typical of Dumas and he manages always to make work so well (the convenient cave full of treasures that NOBODY ever found but this one priest? Seriously Alexandre? XD ). Great, great, great book.
- A Room of One's Own, Virginia Woolf. It's one of those books, along Animal Farm and Se Questo è un Uomo, that I'd have EVERYONE read. It's technically non-fiction, but Mrs Woolf had her way to make it a great read. Go read it if you haven't.
- Two Years, Eight Months and Twenty-Eight Nights, Salman Rushdie. Salman Rushdie could write a shopping list and make it the best thing ever. I love his style, I love magical realism, and I'm choosing this only because it was the first I read and I had a blast. It's glorious it's great, I love it, and I'm so sad Midnight's Children has such a lame adaptation (but it's not a book that's easily translatable if not in a series Game of Thrones long...).
- Everything is Illuminated, Jonathan Safran Foer. My goodness, the heartbreak of this book. It's one I have quotes saved around notebooks. It's heart-breaking in the most beautiful way, he's definitely one of those authors you either love or hate... I'm on the love end of the spectrum.
- Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen. It's basic bitch of me, I know. I don't care. As above, I'm all for social satyre and Miss Austen was just on another plane of existance on that. I'll fight people saying she wrote romances. She did not. Northanger Abbey holds a special place in my heart as well, but who doesn't have a crush on Mr Darcy, beside people who read this book thinking it was a romance? No no no read it again in the perspective that the author is mocking the heck out of every single character. Lizzie included. Austen is FIERCE. And Mr Darcy is such a beloved character because he learns from his mistakes and he's not afraid to admit it. Wow.
- Vita Scritta da Esso (Life written by himself), Vittorio Alfieri. I am not the biggest fan of italian literature, it's too much impronted on realism at all costs and MEH. Vittorio Alfieri was an anglophile and one that looked well beyond the Alps for his writings. His life was so entertaining and damn if he can make it entertaining and fun! That man travelled Europe, looke the fucking Kaiser in the eye (it was very offensive to do), had affairs with a Duchess, his long term partner was another English noblewoman... Who was married! And they were together since they met until he died! She was the one who published this Autobiography! Also personal preference: he wrote a whole satyre saying shit about the Accademia della Crusca and I love him madly for that. GO READ ABOUT VITTORIO ALFIERI.
Poetry/Theatre:
- Gitanjali, Rabindranath Tagore. Stop everything you're doing and read this. Now. You're welcome in advance.
- Poem Without a Hero, Anna Akhmatova. Anna Akhmatova would be very welcomed to step on me, I'm saying this shamelessly, it's just... URGH, it's melancholic, it's epic, it's heart-gutching.
- Anything by Christina Rossetti. Anything. Give me Christina Rossetti and some pre-raphaelites and I'd be happy.
- The Waste Land/The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, T.S. Eliot. That man loved his quotes. I loved that man because he loved his quotes and it's lyrical in a way that... Oh. How he depicts loneliness. "Coffee Spoons" is a quote from Prufrock ("I have measured out my life in coffee spoons". Is it pretentious? I don't care I have FEELZ for that poem)
- Cyrano de Bergerac, Edmond Rostand. The marvel of this comedy can't be fully expressed by words, I love it, I adore it, it made me feel better with myself as an owner of an important nose.
- Macbeth/Othello/Much Ado About Nothing, William Shakespeare. I majored in English Lit and I couldn't leave the Bard outside. I can't choose between these three, and choosing only three was difficult. I spent once 3/4 of an hour in an exam only speaking of the first three lines of Othello and I could do it again, ask me about it. :)))))
- Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. IT IS THE BEST THING EVER I love the Arthurian Cycle and this little thing is just... AAAAAAH. Gawain is a bisexual icon (it's not me headcanoning, he smooches both men and women, it's him. YOU GO GAWAIN). Yes I have deep feelings for the movie as well, Dev Patel we're not worthy of you.
I am leaving outside a lot of thing that I will remember in ten minutes and cry profusely about, yes.
Also I am containing myself over fangirling about poetry too much because you won't hear the end of it otherwise, there are some things of Sylvia Plath and Auden and Yeats and Maya Angelou that just melt my little dark heart, but this is already far too long...
Also in this house we stan that Bob Dylan earned his Nobel Prize, fuck you Alessandro Baricco.
#personal crap#books#poetry#I should not be given leeway to talk about books or poetry if you want me to stay syntetic#am I sorry? Absolutely not.
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Literalite, sojutrait and all their cliquey ass friends are just a bunch of hypocrites, sitting on their high horse, trying to destroy everyone who calls them out on stuff. They're the ones who keep dragging this out because they thrive on attention. You're a good person, Ceci. Hope you know that ❤
Thank you, nonny. They're both seriously awful & proud of it apparently. I ignored this ask for several days, but when I see shit like this, why bother? They consider it harassment & fixation just to point out they lied their asses off (and continue to lie) to their thousands of followers. I pinned the post because the original was full of lies and I have yet to see a single thing proving otherwise because it does not exist. I say that confidently even in a time where everyone screenshots everything that happens immediately, because I know I'm right. The events the way they described them simply never occurred, and they can't get away from that fact, which is why they're still bullshitting to ignore the actual issue even now. It's just like how there's no proof of Seph ever doing any actual "peacekeeping" at any point in time, other than the act of "kindness" of joining the server itself, which says absolutely nothing besides he sat there and read what was said just like 200+ other people. There was never an attempt to come to an understanding between us, no added perspective on behalf of his friends, no meeting in the middle during discussions/disputes. The one time I actually asked for his help with a situation related to both of our friend groups, I was straight up ignored. And every time I've asked for any type of empathy or understanding, I either haven't gotten any. So what peacekeeping, honestly, can he say he's done? I'd be curious to know, though I'm well aware I'm never going to get an answer, because it never happened. That's why you never hear a detailed account of anything that occurred, or god forbid an actual screenshot.
While I have plenty to back up what I've done, including an extensive account of very much punishing the person responsible for what they're pinning on me because it's convenient for their made-up narrative (and there's nothing else for them to use besides "she likes kpop too much for our personal tastes" which shows how shallow it all really is). And they can't refute that, so they have to resort to acting like I should've had the power to... somehow prevent someone from sending a message in a group chat before they sent it? If that sounds like nonsense, that's because it obviously is, and they don't even realize how ridiculous it was to say. Not to mention the silly, middle-school "cohorts" concept about people I only knew online in a public server, that I was not "warned about" by them in any capacity, which is yet another lie to add to the pile. It shows they find people that agree with you on the internet to be your ride or die friends, which explains a lot. And yes, I am very much able to call out people I was formerly friendly with when I get evidence of them showing their true colors, even when it's towards people I'm not particularly fond of, because that's what you're supposed to do- but clearly none of them have learned that yet. Instead it's always "my friend is never wrong because... they're my friend" or "the enemy of my entirely self-perceived enemy is my friend", which shows the immaturity in their thought processes. I don't find them any different than any of the others spewing false allegations, microaggressions, shit talking, or bigotry, because they're not. They just don't have the self-awareness to see what they do compared to when they're happily criticizing the people they don't like. That's why they're always convinced people are mad at them for "having fun" or "having friends", they have to victimize themselves to distract from their own shitty actions.
This entire post by sojutrait is nothing actually substantial because there's nothing to lean on other than being vaguely edgy & rude, better than, and using words and concepts they don't seem to fully understand. You can really tell no thought or deeper meaning was put into it at all. Just like how Seph's earlier response was absolutely nothing relevant as well. Both are obviously more or less a performance for their own egos and to justify their blatant lies so, as Seph said, they can be stable and happy and sleep at night despite the obvious hate they bring to others. Because if they'd truly moved on & were so much better than me, they wouldn't have posted either in the first place. (Including the tags- if I was lying, why didn't you just take your friend's advice and ignore it? Is it because you don't want anyone to see it and question you? Because posts like that with no proof should be questioned, precisely because of situations like this. You lied, you know it, and now you're caught in it.) People that are unbothered don't need to repeatedly tell you how unbothered they are... if they do, chances are they really aren't. They only want me to "move on" because they can't stand being criticized, it burns them up inside and you can tell. Which is a shame, because I don't care about them having fun with their friends, but I do care about this vile and embarrassing behavior that has gone on for years unchecked. They're not "consequences" if you had to outright lie to get them to happen, including knowingly using those lies to encourage disgusting asks... that's a "harassment campaign", one they're doubling down on despite knowing it's wrong and what they alone caused. That they never would've even had the guts to try if they hadn't known I was in a vulnerable place at the time, which is sad and gross enough. They should both honestly be ashamed and I hope they do some serious growth in the next five years or so to gain a little empathy and maturity because they desperately need it. Both in public and in private. Especially if they continue preaching accountability and self-reflection while never once (I challenge you to check) embracing those concepts themselves.
#asks#anonymous#ceci speaks#negative#nonsims#im the one that called the racist out for it yet somehow im the one that allowed it huh#wouldve been way easier to allow it if i just never pointed it out in the first place lol#im convinced people dont think before they type#but bias makes that hard too#nothing in either of those posts fooled me one bit#depressingly transparent and tactless#the more you mock the worse you make yourselves look#nothing to do with me atp#however i give you credit#i expected you to tell me to kill myself by now#shoulda known yall posted some dumb shit bc i started getting gross anons in a cluster#aint working tho#im still here and yall are still wrong for this#despite the public display of ass kissing#long post
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woah addie you should probably never speak to a guy again
it feels like only now that im kinda being open with people but its about to be over. Yes. Like my friend said, it just went past so soon. How the fuck am I supposed to interact with new people in about few months?
but. but. it's funny how every time (and i mean every time) I open up to a guy, it always backfires. It's not funny, its just depressing really. Well even if sometimes the guy in question actually listens to what I'm saying. I mean, why does it have to happen every freaking time? And then we don't really speak again and its awkward and I'm embarrassed about revealing personal things to random guys. I always end up regretting it. I very well know that I'm desperate to be close to guys (and that's because I never really interacted with guys a lot), when all I'm doing is giving them an impression that I am in fact desperate for affection and attention, and that I'm a pathetic mess. Which I most definitely am. I could've stuck to the friends I know, the small group (of girls) that I have, but no. I will find the newest crush or 'guy friend' that I assume actually respects me as a person, and I will dump all my trauma and depression on them. All that for them to just go, "hey addie didn't expect this from you, it's fine. Just don't think too much about it. Leave it" Yes the best advice ever. For this I could've spent my time with people who actually cared about me. Instead I'm only pushing them all away. Under the presumption that they won't understand what I'm going through. Yes as if these absolute strangers do.
What's the end result? I hate myself even more. And I don't even talk to their fucking faces. I text those dipshits. Most of them never even read my texts. And if I want to talk face to face, there's always an excuse.
The burning question remains, why am I always chasing a new friendship? Or if you could even call it that. Why am I always after guys who don't even give a single thought about me? And I will go as far as I can to explain meticulously to them that they've hurt me, only for them to go, "oh I'm sorry I didn't intend to be that way. I'm just stupid and I didn't think about what I was saying/doing, I'm sorry" And then radio silence.
I'm just so fucking tired of having to go through a hundred emotions at once, taking everything and everyone personally, while lot of people around me just glide through life without a single thought ever about what an impact they're leaving on me (or anyone, if I include recent events) why do I have to be like this? Why can't I be carefree and happy as the rest of them? Why can't I brush off things or take them lightly?
well if anyone actually read through this, I'm sorry this came up on your dashboard. but I just had to get it out. Otherwise I'll be having another mental breakdown (I seem to be having quite a lot of those nowadays)
And I realize this puts me in a bad light. Yes, but it's time for me to admit that I'm desperate for a deep connection. Like really I am. I do keep telling myself that I haven't found the right person yet to confide in, so what do I do? Confide in absolutely anyone who would listen. So. I don't know what to say after this.
so... ummm bye
#yeah i guess#coming to the last part of my last ever year of high school is harder than i thought#i feel like ive become close with people only now... and now its gonna be over?#woah.#addie rambles again
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Hello again. Thank you so much for indulging me. Warning: the following answer is long.
Tbh I'm very fond of a majority of characters from Mondstadt (except Diona, who is my least favourite in the whole game). I thought the prologue was done pretty well, tho story wise it does seem to go a bit downhill from there.
I love Venti, Childe, Zhongli and Diluc (when I saw his outfit with the high ponytail my brain went brrr). I like Childe's backstory in particular but I find it so disheartening that half the fandom seems to seriously loath him. I find Diluc interesting as a character (I'm also hoping to get him, but till now no luck. Hopefully i won't have to wait two years :(() I also find Shenhe pretty cool.
For 4 stars I really like Xingqiu, Beidou, Thoma, and Layla. I like both their personalities and their playstyles. I also like Gorou, but just how he looks, since I actually haven't gotten to him yet.
As for ships I like Zhongven. This one came from the left field, but I honestly think it's my favourite. I like the dynamic (the canon crumbs, as well as what I think it would look like) between the two of them, as well as the fact that both of them are broke gods. Ngl I also enjoy that in lore, they are some of the oldest and most powerful characters. I like the idea that they could destroy the world if they banded together, but choose not to bc they enjoy drinking, and the finer thing in life too much. I also like Zhongchi, Chongqiu, Kaeluc (I need more canonical interactions between the two of them) and Cynonahri. And I know what you mean abt the interactions between Venti and Diluc. I like them either as platonic or as romantic, though I haven't found any good fanfic of the two of them.
I do also like Chilumi, but i've also avoided the fanfics.
(From the unreleased characters, just from how they look I like Pantalone and Arlecchino.)
Sorry for the long essay. I'm super excited to talk abt my favourites.
Also what's your opinion on weapon banners? Should I pull? Did you pull? Till now I've gotten pretty well with 4 stars and even a few 3 stars, but I'm wondering if having a 5 star limited weapon is better.
Nice! It's good to like characters. Zhongven is definitely one of the more colorful interactions in the game, so I can definitely see the appeal. I'm just not super fond of Zhongli on the whole, so I'm not exactly looking for more ships with him. I just like zhongchi for the fanfic melodrama lol.
For the weapon banner, I would honestly recommend against it. I've pulled on it, but purely because "my faves should have the bestest drip," so Childe got Polar Star, Noelle got Redhorn, Venti got Elegy (would prefer Skyward Harp, but I doubt we'll get a rate up of it for a long time, perhaps never again). Xiao got Scarlet Sands in the process, but we don't talk about that.
In general, there is very little benefit to doing so. Yes, the BIS 5 star weapons can increase the characters' damage, but there are many cases where a specific 4 star or even 3 star can come quite close, without needing to risk gacha. And you'll slowly accumulate most of the 4 stars just from the other banners. 5 stars are also super annoying to level, since they need more resources.
My weapon recommendations would actually be like this:
Make sure to get every event weapon you can, including refines. Even the ones that look like they're useless to you right now. You can skip levelling them if you're very short on resources, but that 1.5x bonus on EXP is very useful if you can manage it. I skipped Dodoco Tales back in the day, and I regret it now.
Favonius weapons are extremely useful, so I would suggest keeping at least two separate copies. Depending on your characters, you might benefit from even three copies. Refine them only after you separate out those 2-3.
Sac weapons are similar, though refining them decreases the time interval between triggering the effect, so in some cases it may be worth to prioritize refining a single copy enough to be shorter than the character's skill cooldown. Eg, Xingqiu generally wants R3 Sac Sword (iirc, didn't check the numbers) because that's when the cooldown on the sword passive becomes shorter than his skill cooldown, so you can trigger it every rotation.
Keep at least one R5 copy of every 3 star weapon, just in case. You'll probably want multiple copies of Thrilling Tales, at that. The standout 3 stars are generally Thrilling Tales, Black Tassel, sometimes White Tassel, sometimes Slingshot, sometimes Raven's Bow, Harbinger of Dawn (sword). Their passives are so strong that, on characters who do not care too much about the lower base attack, they can match or exceed certain 4 stars or even 5 stars.
Yes, there are 4 stars you can ONLY get from the weapon banners: the Lithic series (mid at best), the Watasumi series (ok but situational), and now the... Tulaytullah series (the Sumeru ones, can be good but nothing terribly outstanding). However, you don't really need them. None of them are just that amazing.
The thing about the weapon banner is that there will always be five 4 stars on rate up. You thought the odds for 4 star character finishing were bad? It's worse for 4 star weapons.
Additionally, there are always two 5 stars on rate up, and the way Fate points work, you're only guaranteed the one you want after losing TWICE. The pity is at 80, but that is still approx 65x3=195 rolls, more than a guaranteed 5 star character.
Is a weapon that will give you maaaaybe 5-10% increased DPS worth giving up multiple 5 star characters?
It's up to you, but generally not.
If you do decide to pull, there are these criteria I would check:
Do you have some use for BOTH rate up 5 star weapons? Because I got Memory of Dust while going for Polar Star and lol. It's been gathering dust since then.
How much does your future 5 star weapon haver actually benefit from the weapon? The most infamous case is Kokomi, whose signature catalyst is not always even her best option and is barely an upgrade in only one of her multiple roles. Some characters have better lower rarity options than others, and if they don't benefit as much, it's better to pass on the 5 star.
What are the 4 stars? Fishing for them won't end well, but if you're going for a 5 star, you're going to be getting a lot of... probably two of them, given how luck seems to work. If two of them are Bell and Eye of Perception, that's... not very appealing.
As a final reminder, the epitomized path points do NOT carry over between weapon banners. If you are planning to pull, it's better to be ready to go all 200 pulls in.
Good luck!
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Applause
pairing : Levi Ackerman x Reader
wc : 1.8 k
themes : the ceremony honoring Levi's squad (including you) after the reclaim of Shiganshina went wrong, angst, hurt, comfort.
warnings : angst and hate
A soft light drenched your silhouette standing in front of the mirror. Inspecting yourself, you flatted out any crease on your long army jacket while arranging the collar of your shirt. You stood there staring at the image reflected to you : you looked put together, but your face still reminded you of everything that happened just days ago. Retaking Shiganshina didn't feel like a victory at all. With all that was lost, there was no praise, no glory, no nothing, only a bitter sweet sense of accomplishment, more torturing than satisfying.
You looked at the bags under your eyes, at the cuts lacerating the side of your face, even though you've been granted enough sleep and medical care to recover, you were still exhausted, and you could still see that dark cloud veiling your eyes, images of hell still flashing in front of you.
You heard a small knock on the door of the quarters you have been assigned to. It was time to go, the ceremony was about to start.
You shouted a weak but audible "yes" before heading out of the room. When you opened the wooden door , you were met by two even more tired eyes.
Levi
"They're waiting for us"
You walked side by side in the sumptuous corridors, you were in the capital and inside this part of the walls, everything looked so lavish that you felt out of place. You didn't exchange any word for a long moment until Levi broke the silence by asking if you were able to rest.
"Not really no"
By the way he stayed silence after you answered his question, you understood that it was the same for him.
The reason you weren't able to rest was the anticipation, no, the dread you felt in regards to this ceremony. With the suicidal charge Erwin commended causing the death of so many soldiers, both young and older ones, all of you who had survived this, felt sick to your stomach, you were all eaten by a sentiment that vastly resembled guilt. You, the rest of Levi's squad and Levi himself being the ones always coming back alive started to sound like a bad sonata to the ears of the population, they would rather see their sons, daughters, cousins and husbands coming back rather then the ones who always manages to make it, so eventually, you were expecting the worst to come out of this ceremony, and you felt that this honoring event was gonna put you all on an unwelcoming spotlight.
Approaching the great doors of the ceremonial chamber, all of you hesitated to to enter as the guards invited you in.
-----
You were totally right, the moment the heavy and palatial looking doors opened to welcome you, you were met by very concerned looks. Soldiers and other various members as well as government big heads were undressing you with disapprobation, you felt your heart tighten, all of you already felt horrible enough that you cursed those blaming looks for adding more weight to your already busted shoulders.
Levi's name was called first to be given his medal, impassive as usual, Levi climbed up the stairs to where Historia stood solemnly, each one of his steps followed by a horrible comment directed at him, sometimes in a low voice, sometimes not.
"How come they're always the one coming back"
"Yeah, nothing ever happens to them how come ?"
"I bet they throw the young recruits and the less competent ones right into the titans mouths so they can protect their lives"
"I guess they don't put their lives on the line so much to be able to always come back in one piece".
"This is Levi, he can take on anything, heh, must be nice to be invincible"
Some of the comments being whispered were down right nasty and they were all directed to Levi.
Of all the people, the captain was the one to whom was directed the messiest of remarks. Everyone knew he was the strongest soldier alive, and they hated him for this exact same reason.
Seeing how Levi manages to stay composed and be able to dismiss these comments made your heart ache, you realized he must have heard them so many times to be able to ignore them like this. You knew the captain, you knew that he actually cared but had to learn not to, you felt bad realizing that this became familiar to him.
You felt so bad for the fallen ones, your heart was still mourning them to this instant but you couldn't possibly describe how gut wrenching you felt seeing Levi having to bear all the weight of the culpability people unrightfully put on him.
You clenched your fists, closed your eyes and told yourself that it was going to pass, like all the other times.
You haven't been this targeted by hate yourself, but now you were put on this unwanted pedestal and everyone could see who were the usual lucky ones, and you could feel yourself being put on the the condemning spot as it was your turn to be called and climb those cursed stairs.
You kneeled before Historia, feeling her hands ghost over your head as she put and secured the medal around your neck, repeating the same careful but solemn gestures for the second time.
"They don't deserve the medals !" shouted a particularly angry red haired youngster.
More whispers could be heard now from different parts of the ceremonial room, enough to fill the spacious chamber. Small groups started forming, their chatter was now all you could distinguish. Some were agreeing while others were quizzical, you could hear the people's subtle judgements but all you could feel was your hands becoming sweaty and an incredibly uncomfortable heat, filling your head. You already felt bad enough, you already felt undeserving enough, you already felt guilty enough, why did they have to be so-
do they not know what war is like ?
"This Arlert recruit shouldn't have been the one to be saved ! Levi's duty should have been to keep the commander alive !" spat the red-haired young man, emotion seemingly making his blood boil.
You could only stand where you were at the top of the stairs, looking at this seemingly unsatisfied and outraged human, making you doubt every single choice you made back there, you wrapped your hand over the medal holding it tightly, trying to ground yourself.
"Enough !"
It was Levi who spoke this time, putting a hand over the boy's shoulder, understanding yet firm enough for the young soldier to turn around and face the shorter man.
"A lot of tough decisions had to be made back there, if there's anyone who wants Erwin to be present with us today more than anyone, it's me."
You felt yourself trembling listening to the captain instill some sense of understanding to the soldier who seemed to try and contain his rage, even if he didn't look convinced with Levi's words. He seemed to have already judged you all as guilty.
"It wasn't an easy choice to choose Armin, it was an even harder decision to let Erwin go, but his woman out there, you say she doesn't deserve that medal, maybe, maybe none of us do, but she and all the others faced hell back in Shiganshina and had to make the toughest of choices. You're still young, but if you ever make it, you will be met with the same inconceivable decisions we did, so the least you could do is show some respect."
Levi ended his speech with a firm tone that made everyone observe a ponderous silence and just like that, every person in the room understood that the talk was over.
Soon everyone made their way to the great halls, you were informed by some subordinates that honorary soldiers would be awaited at the great dinning hall, this news made Jean and Connie start chatting vigorously about how this was the least they could do for them, both of them trying to cheer Armin up, the poor boy looked beaten down and quite affected by the guilt tripping going on in there some minutes ago.
He wasn't the only one affected by what happened in the ceremonial room, you were still trying to calm your beating heart and your pounding head, still feeling quite light-headed. The crowd, the heat, the mischievous and unforgiving gossiping, even though the ceremonial chamber was one of the largest space you've seen, you felt almost claustrophobic in there, surrounded by so many people who blamed you all for getting a chance to live longer. Your already blood-shot eyes were all watery, they stared watering when the ceremony got interrupted and you could swear Levi noticed it when you were heading towards the halls because he kept looking at you directly
"I'll be back, i'll go breathe some fresh air outside" you waved at Jean, Connie, Armin and the others, Levi had long disappeared from your view and you didn't see which direction he went so you assumed he was with Hange.
You turned around and took the opposite direction of the hall, where there were two massive gates. They were opened on an incredibly well maintained garden. When you sat foot on the marbled path you were met with gigantic and well kept trees, all sorts of trees, with even more gigantic walls guarding the property. Each wall had an impressive amount of lush greenery drapped all over them.
You walked to the wall that was the further away from the gates and stood there, your back against it. And right there, once you were sure no one would observe you, you let it all out. Within seconds, you felt heavy damp pearls making their way through your burning cheeks before landing everywhere, your shirt, your jacket, your leather boots, the soil beneath you. You weeped silently, your head suddenly empty from being too crammed seconds ago. You were ready to weep some more if it wasn't for a light touch that brushed you.
Levi was standing by your side looking at your burnt cheeks, swollen lips and red eyes.
"Don't let it get to you" he said.
"Your guilt doesn't justify their anger" he added, resting against the wall. "Yes they're angry, that's what wars do, they stir anger, pain and resentment. Everything humans don't like to be reminded of"
"Let's honor their death with the decisions we will make" he added putting a comforting hand on your shoulder, at which your heart fluttered a bit to your own surprise.
He pushed himself off the wall, hands in his pockets and headed for the gates as the familiar smell of food being cooked started filling the air, only here, even the food smelled expensive. You followed Levi into the hall, walking by his side as he silently invited you to. Heading for the dinning hall, you felt a great amount of solace being in his presence, and right now, he would never know how thankful you were to have each other's shoulders to lean on when the whole world was up against you two.
#Levi ackerman reader#levi ackerman x reader#levi ackerman x you#levi x reader#levi ackerman oneshot#levi ackerman angst#levi ackerman fluff#levi ackerman reader insert#levi ackerman fanfic#levi ackerman fanfiction#Erwin smith#jean kirstein#Levi ackerman imagine#armin arlert#connie springer#historia reiss#hange zoe#survey corps#snk#aot#snk x reader#snk oneshot#snk x y/n#aot x reader#aot x y/n#aot oneshot#shingeki no kyojin x reader#shingeki no kyojin x y/n#attack on titan x reader#shingeki no kyojin oneshot
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Justifying The Aftermath
wordcount : 2.1k+
warning : mention of animal abuse, emeto
content : lashing out, electrocution, vomiting, whumper!caretaker, lady whump, lab whump, whumper pov, manhandling
This is it! The last day of Summer of Whump. It's been fun, writing and reading more whump from this event. Can't wait for next year! Tagging : @summer-of-whump
***
Previous Chapter
"Breathe deeply, Fenrir."
Her stare was full of contempt. There was still a sharp edge on her two fangs. Blue veins jutting out under her arms and legs. She was much older than John, late in her twenties. Prior affiliation indicated if she wasn't a murderer or an arsonist then she's an accomplice to one. He didn't dare to take a step further. Even when her left arm was tucked in a sling, the other connected to an IV, the general scrapes and bruises on her face, or the fact that she couldn't sit up so the infirmary nurse had to raise her bed to prevent her lungs collapsing in on itself.
Fenrir spat, and it hit him in the chest despite the distance.
John took out his napkin, "I mean it for your well-being. Your rib fracture wasn't severe, but your recovery will be greatly stalled if you manage to get yourself pneumonia."
"And then what? Brainwashing? I had to be Empire's hunting dog? I'd rather die."
"You're contributing to the public good. We're not lying."
"You think turning people into living weapons is for the greater good?" Fenrir grinned, covering the upper half of her face with her palm. "Rich kids are easy to brainwash."
"We were forced. If terrorist groups like those Heretics you love so much doesn't terrorize the managers then we wouldn't have to spend so much time on defense!"
John watched the rise of Fenrir's chest as she spoke. Her breath was fast and shallow.
"Heretics are a new thing. The humans living in the Orients and the Border Islands have existed long before the Ship fell into our grounds. The Empire wasn't reacting to them when they sent out the first Seed and they sure as hell does not need a living monster to weed out a bunch of poors with a handmade grenade. What the Empire doing is never defense, child. They're hungry for control."
Child. It filled him contempt. He might have been younger than her but look who had their life sorted out? An internship with the smartest minds of the earth, a girl waiting back home, and a few years worth of savings. John is more mature, educated in things other than the vulgarity of drink and merrymaking.
Forgetting his fear, John leaned on the side of Fenrir's bed. He loomed above her. "Your problem is that you're uneducated. You had a brilliant mind, but you didn't go to school or truly learn how to think the big picture. The facts you learned was baseless. The Radicals got to you first and I'm sorry for that."
The glare she gave sharpened, and for a second John believed she's going to lunge at him. Luckily she was only taking a deep breath.
"Uneducated? I've written essays, planned raids, and build gardens! I might not be an engineer, but I know more about the world than you."
"This is a waste of time. You're insulting instead of discussing."
"Explain how calling me uneducated isn't an insult."
John run his fingers through his hair, "I'm here only to look at your progress. Look, I think Heretics are too caught up in their pain. They experienced bad things and blame the Empire. But it's just the world. You need to struggle and work and-"
"Mind if I cut in?" Fenrir doesn't wait for John. "Since you want an argument, I want to acknowledge we both had a different view of reality. It's just our sources. But you need to think about what they taught you. I assume you're referring to the workhouses."
"Yes. That, and the jails. I know most of you are former convicts."
She ramped up in intensity. Fenrir raised her voice. "They might told you it's just a struggle, but have you even been there? Eat the rat-pissed grain and get yelled off for sitting? Have you ever questioned if the papers telling their story reflects reality? Managers owned the workhouses. They owned the papers. Of course they only said good things about it. They got away with untold evil because you trust them!"
The long histrionic rant left Fenrir with a coughing fit. John's answer were simple.
"Who's to say you didn't lie to me to sympathize with them?"
"Ask ten men working in the poor house. If anecdotes don't phase you then read some statistics my group works on."
"I'll do it." If John had the time, which was virtually nonexistent. If he had the guts because none of his friends including him know a guy like that, and approaching workhouse residents can get you robbed "Later. Wartimes are a bitch."
Fenrir chuckled, her mood has lightened up. "Aren't we all united under a single flag? Why is there still a war?"
A rhetorical question and a trap. Why is Fenrir likes to anger herself so much? Either way, he's not taking the bait. What a sad life, suspecting every thing you hear might be misinformation. The Empire could never lie about something so grave. They had principles. John had seen firsthand how his life have been easy because his family knows the rules and how go around the proceedings. It's imperfect, but it's definitely better than whatever the Heretics are going for.
For a week, John and Lisette have been adjusting. Visiting Fenrir separately, taking notes of trigger buttons and quirks. This Fenrir was different, and the way she was exposed to the substance made a different sort of Dog, besides the mutations. They need to re-do experiments, test new things, even change up their approach. Fenrir was always angry, and there's this restless energy around her. Avoiding certain topics and sneaking up sweets for her seem to calm her down a little, but that restless edge was still there.
Not a concern. Not since Fenrir's ribs and shoulder had mostly healed. Not after they've think up strategies to temper her prickly disposition and contain the emotional outburst after her first testing. Not when they drug her when she's already asleep before transporting her to the forest.
They were expecting a tantrum. The soldiers prepared stun guns, flash bangs, anything that could assault her heightened senses. Professor Clayton personally stitched the taser cuffs on her ankle. Something John had spent a great deal of time debating against. He was overruled. Lisette took their superior's side. In the end, the shock collar was necessary.
"I think she's getting through to you," Lisette teased.
"Oh shut up. I was trying to meet her halfway." The image in their cameras are somehow better. Some were blank, filled with static courtesy of Fenrir's rampage. But the few that left thrived, vivid contrasts and colours detailing her figure among the half-eaten animal. Alien techs are on another level. "She was taught to expect cruelty from us. We can't reform her if we proved her right."
"I think that's unfair. She'd done bad things, just because she was radicalized to do so doesn't mean she's exempt from punishment."
John leaned on his chair, "But we're not judges. We're scientists. We should refrain from any cruelty unless it's sanctioned by the State."
"Yeah, right." The speakers blared with a distorted buzz of a helicopter. They were silent as it lands at the edge of the forest. Lisette went on, "so you've already told the King you'll stitch Fenrir's wound without anesthetic?"
"You're missing the point."
"What is it then? Don't get me wrong, I think she deserves it. She was a terrorist. But I won't delude myself that they'll bring her to court. No, the way this goes is she'll work for us and be given an honorary medal when all of our testing eventually gives her brain damage."
Lisette leaned closer to the screen. Her expression unreadable. Professor and his soldiers had found Fenrir. She haven't moved from her position. Still kneeling, dirty blonde hair matted with blood. They practically jumped at her. Seizing the shoulders, heaving her up, and kicking her in the legs to disturb her balance. Two men at the side, another sticking a gun on the back of her head. Professor Clayton kept his distance, the switch for the taser cuffs firmly in his pocket.
She glanced at John. The silence of the room grows opressive. He leaned to his microphone, eyes still intently looking at the screen. Fenrir let her feet dragged against the ground. Her head hung low, eyes half-lidded. Not looking at anything at particular. Quiet.
That period of trepidation passes. Fenrir doesn't fight, doesn't even squirm as they put the earmuffs and blindfold on her. She arrives, her knees buckling and fall on the floor. The strength had gone out of her.
First test passed with flying colors. The trigger serum worked. They didn't have to kept her half-dead to maintain her beast form. But the devil is in the details, how much does she have to lose? It was John's assignment to figure it out.
On first glance, Fenrir seemed to have crossed that line. John could smell death from her. Her entire body is covered in dried blood, yet she didn't seem bothered. She stared at the desk, gripping the towel they gave and picking at the threads.
"Fenrir."
"My name is Avis."
John kneeled in front of her, taking the towel. She was shivering, and her fingers were shaking in a way that suggest it was more than the cold. He wrapped the bloodied cloth around her shoulders.
"You're supposed to cover yourself like this," John brings the ends of the towel to her two hands. He hold her clasped arms, gently pulling it so the fabric would cover more of her body.
"I know that," Fenrir absently murmured.
Looking closer, it was a grisly sight. Blood runs from her gums. Pieces of the camera were stuck under her long nails. Dust and dirt were sticking under the coat of dried blood. The shock bracelet was still there.
"I was going to give you a few test before we took you to the infirmary again but maybe you need medical help and a shower first. How's that?"
She looked at him. The hateful stare was still there. "Do you think this is justified?"
"We needed to test your power. Your blood could save millions, only if we know what to do with it."
Fenrir burst into a laugh, "Making me ate two dogs alive could save people?!"
"Fenrir—"
"Don't call me that!" She stood, still taller from the transformation. Her eyes were burning from tears she's desperately holding back. Her stomach hurts. The smell of her body made her sick. Even more disgusting when it reminds her of what she'd done. "I'm not fucking stupid. I'm going to be a warbeast and the only thing I'll save is the Empire's stolen property!"
"Sit down. Please. Let's get you a bath and we'll talk this out, alright?"
Fenrir took a step back. John wished they bother to bring in her handcuffs, if only for his piece of mind. "How could you see me out there and think this is okay?"
"You're right. It's not okay."
It's justified. But John was at lost for words. He nodded, "I know you're in distress. I hear you. Let me help."
"Then leave!" Fenrir yelled. "Acknowledge for once that this entire operation is senseless violence!"
John throw his testing papers on to the desk. His voice grew cold, "You're a hypocrite. You burned houses, destroyed machines, terrorize my friend's families. How could you do all of that and think this is bad?"
"You didn't know, no, you refuse to see the destruction and terror they've caused. And when it became too big for you to ignore, you're going to pretend they've hid it from you all this time or you've got no choice but to follow their orders."
Fenrir reached for the papers, and for the next thing they both now was that her screamed reverbrate through the room. She was on the floor. Seizing. Her limbs jerked, hitting the nearby table. Blood runs from her ankles, and John looked at the door to find his mentor leaning against the frame with the remote.
"Get her a bath, John."
He nodded. She was too weak to fight him off. Little aftershocks plagued her body even as he helped her sit.
"Come on, we should go."
"No, wait." Fenrir hold the leg of the desk in a vice grip. She kept her mouth tightly shut, and there's a bit a green around the outlines of her face. She felt her cheeks burning. Saliva pooling in her mouth. John shook her shoulders. The movement was a straw that broke the camel's back.
She gagged, heaving out a gush of acid and pre-digested flesh. The chunks of meat triggered another bout of vomiting. Each wave of nausea more stronger than the last.
"It's alright," John said, rubbing her back, "Let it out. You'll feel better."
Soon enough, her stomach was empty. She was nodding off, her eyes glassy with tears. John the only thing keeping her from slumping down on her own sick.
"You're a monster," Fenrir muttered.
Next Chapter
#summerofwhump30#summer of whump#lady whump#lashing out#lab whump#electrocution#emeto cw#animal abuse mention#whumper as caretaker#futuristic whump#manhandling
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My Top 10 Favourite Horrors
Within this top 10 list, some will include the prequels, sequels and any other follow ups as 1 ranking number. Some may be considered thriller, sci-fi, suspence etc, however, I do regard these as horrors myself.
I have take many aspects into account, such as videography, actor quality, SFX makeup quality, soundtrack, directors, CGI etc.
Note : this is my personal opinion. You do not have to agree with it, though if you haven't seen these, I highly reccomend them.
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1. The Conjuring
(1 & 2)
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The Conjuring 1 :
The Perron family moves into a farmhouse where they experience paranormal phenomena. They consult demonologists, Ed and Lorraine Warren, to help them get rid of the evil entity haunting them.
The Conjuring Trailer :
youtube
The Conjuring 2 :
Peggy, a single mother of four children, seeks the help of occult investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren when she and her children witness strange, paranormal events in their house
The Conjuring 2 Trailer :
youtube
My Opinion :
The Conjuring was the start of an incredible series of horrors that beat any other horror to the ground. It is absolutely fantastic and I basically worship these films. James Wan is my favourite director and he never ceases to amaze me.
Paranormal horror is my favourite and as someone who actually believes in the paranormal and who has had paranormal experiences, I can confirm that The Conjuring is much more realistic than any other paranormal films, which just makes it extra spooky.
The actors, camera angles, music, sfx makeup and storyline is just - chefs kiss -. I've been waiting for the 3rd one for so long, but they keep extending the release date. (R. I. P)
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2. Annabelle
(all of them)
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Annabelle :
John and Mia Form are attacked by a Satan worshipping couple, who uses their doll as a conduit to make their life miserable. This unleashes a string of paranormal events in the Forms' residence.
Annabelle Trailer :
youtube
Annabelle Creation :
Samuel and Elle embed their daughter's spirit into a doll, only to realise it is a demon. Years later, they open their home to a nun and six orphan girls, one of whom finds the doll.
Annabelle Creation Trailer :
youtube
Annabelle Comes Home :
Judy and her babysitter are left alone in her house after her parents leave to investigate a case. However, an unexpected guest sets Annabelle free, unleashing demonic activity in the house.
Annabelle Comes Home Trailer :
youtube
My Opinion :
Another great film series that was birthed form The Conjuring. Definitely less realistic, with many more jumpscares and spooky characters, which is appreciated in the horror world. Many people find dolls far more creepy than ghosts, myself included, so that's another perfect aspect that adds to the suspense.
I prefer Annabelle 3 over the others, mainly because I found that one to be more scary overall, even though Daniela is an idiot and she makes me so frustrated 😂
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3. Saw
(all of them)
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For the totally unindoctrinated, the Saw movie franchise revolves around the Jigsaw Killer (a.k.a. John Kramer), who tortures victims he believes are complacent or guilty, in order to make them appreciate their time on Earth.
All Saw Trailers :
youtube
Obviously I'm not going to list every Saw movie, because there are 7 (Jigsaw aka number 8, does NOT count. It is a disgrace).
My Opinion :
A classic for horror and gore lovers of all kinds. Of course I need to list this as number 3. I simply adore these movies. I even have the DVD set, so I am definitely a long term fan haha.
The obstacles and creativity regarding Saw as a whole needed a lot of thought put into it, plus it has a happy little side note of "make sure you don't cause harm to others in life and don't take anything for granted" which some may have not even noticed while being overwhelmed by the amount of fake blood.
Yes, a lot of characters are annoying, but that just makes us enjoy seeing them tortured even more (shh it's not real). Some of the blood doesn't look very realistic, the sfx can lack attention, BUT... It's still great and I can overlook these few flaws to appreciate the movies to the max.
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4. Blair Witch
(2016)
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A young man and his friends venture into the Black Hills Forest in Maryland to uncover the mystery surrounding his missing sister. Many believe her disappearance 17 years earlier is connected to the legend of the Blair Witch.
At first the group is hopeful, especially when two locals act as guides through the dark and winding woods. As the night wears on, a visit from a menacing presence soon makes them realize that the legend is all too real, and more sinister than they could have ever imagined.
Blair Witch Trailer :
youtube
My Opinion :
I love the camerawork. Not because it's perfect, because it's the opposite. It's a documentary style and this makes it feel more realistic, as if you are within the film yourself. I enjoy how they skip to the action at just the right time after a mild buildup.
The visuals are great as well and there were definitely some parts where I was disgusted and claustrophobic, which is good to experience while enjoying these types of films.
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5. Under The Skin
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Disguising itself as a human female, an extraterrestrial drives around Scotland attempting to lure unsuspecting men into her van. Once there, she seduces and sends them into another dimension where they are nothing more than meat.
Under The Skin Trailer :
youtube
My Opinion :
I would classify this as horror, but many won't. Either way, this is an amazingly artistic film with beautiful imagery and silent awe. It definitely makes you feel the suspense in a calming manner and it has some really dark moments. Without reading the description, one might be confused as to what is going on, but how art is supposed to be interpretated is by the imagination of individuals.
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6. Veronica
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During a solar eclipse, young Verónica and her friends want to summon the spirit of Verónica's father using an Ouija board. However, during the session she loses consciousness and soon it becomes clear that evil demons have arrived.
Veronica Trailer :
youtube
My Opinion :
A Spanish masterpiece, to put it simply. It's hard to find proper horrors like this in English. I really enjoyed this one and I watched it subbed not dubbed, because I feel like voiceovers tend to ruin the art of the original film. The buildup is perfect and unlike many horrors, it barely shows you the face of the "monster". That leaves it to the imagination, which in general makes it far more scary.
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7. Underwater
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Disaster strikes more than six miles below the ocean surface when water crashes through the walls of a drilling station. Led by their captain, the survivors realize that their only hope is to walk across the sea floor to reach the main part of the facility. But they soon find themselves in a fight for their lives when they come under attack from mysterious and deadly creatures that no one has ever seen.
Underwater Trailer :
youtube
My Opinion :
This movie was released quite recently and I didn't know what to expect. I was definitely blown away by how good it was. Being trapped underwater gives most people a sense of anxiety. Add being trapped underwater and being hunted by creepy sea monsters and you've got yourself a good horror. Kristen Stewarts general anxious personality definitely suits this film well.
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8. Split
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Kevin, who is suffering from dissociative identity disorder and has 23 alter egos, kidnaps three teenagers. They must figure out his friendly personas before he unleashes his 24th personality.
Split Trailer :
https://youtu.be/84TouqfIsiI
My Opinion :
An incredible film with phenomenal acting on the part of James McAvoy. You can get lost within his character and almost feel as if you are the character itself. Suspense is built up slowly and the climax of the film is released rapidly. People I know who do not enjoy horror, love this film themselves, which is saying something. It's definitely one of the best modern films that draws you in from the start.
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9. A Quiet Place
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A family struggles for survival in a world where most humans have been killed by blind but noise-sensitive creatures. They are forced to communicate in sign language to keep the creatures at bay.
A Quiet Place Trailer :
https://youtu.be/WR7cc5t7tv8
My Opinion :
As you can tell by now, I love anything alien related. This film has some of the most amazing looking aliens I've seen, I was honestly in awe by how great they looked. Another silent film, but in a different sense to the previous one. Instead of being the hunter, this family is being hunted and this adds more to the fear factor.
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10. Unfriended - Dark Web
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When a teen finds a laptop with a cache of hidden files, he and his friend discover that the previous owner has access to the dark web and is watching over them.
Unfriended - Dark Web Trailer :
https://youtu.be/XenTM_C9fxM
My Opinion :
A modern take on horror. Involving the actual dangers of the dark web and the use of technology and turning it into a horror was a magnificent idea. It definitely had me at the edge of my seat.
Due to another film type that is not often explored (thus being that most of the movie is equal to what it would be like to look at your computer and video chat), it makes it different and therefore more compelling than the usual videography styles.
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Thank you for reading, if you've made it this far! Feel free to share your top 10 in the comment section, I am definitely interested in your opinions and finding new movies to watch myself. Any questions are also welcome.
Until next time, take care and stay spooky!
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#Horror#Horror movies#Horror films#Review#Movie review#Horror movie review#Horror fans#The Conjuring#Annabelle#Saw#Blair witch#Under the skin#Veronica#Underwater#Split#A quiet place#Unfriended dark web#Scary#Spooky#Spoopy#Dark#dark side#Paranormal#Supernatural#Witch#Witchy#Ouija#Spanish#James Wan#Youtube
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Contests Part 2/2
6. Loser Jessie
Screechy harpie Jessay has even more of a raw deal than Mavis and Dawn of the Dead.
From the outset I knew she'd never be champion, but she ought to rise above the tiresome berks clogging up procedure.
Sufficient popularity at Pokémon Towers ensured the girls were allotted coverage of all their award ceremonies. They had a moment in the sun.
What has Jessie in comparison?
I can't recall Hoenn, but I don't expect it was much.
Sinnoh however carried naught but a single paltry episode.
This for a main character.
This for someone there from the beginning.
This for an ardent fan favourite.
This for a wench who, should we include all her various mutations, has featured in more installments than either of 'em.
But no, treat Jesseee as worthless, even lower than Dawn's groupies. It's not like anyone watches it for her.
Looking back, it's obvious what they were intending to do come Unova.
What's the score then?
• One paltry Contest on screen.
• A couple happen elsewhere, marked by a few seconds per mention when the script oh-so generously moves away from the thrilling main plot.
It's gotta be the small-town concerns for Jessuhleenuh, nothing major. She deserves no better.
• One won by James, so not hers. Press her inadequacy upon us!
• One obtained as a gesture of pity from Kate Middleton.
And how did that work? What's the good of allowing 'Dawn' entry again?
She'd already qualified. If winning here, that gives her six, therefore there aren't enough Co-ordinators for the culmination.
And when Jessie showed up with a Ribbon recorded as belonging to Dawn, how was she taken as fulfilling the quota?
The slapdash way these Contests are run!
God forbid Jess should be shown as excelling at anything. It must be scraping into the final undeservedly.
Bitch gotta know her place.
7. Bumpkin Jessie
...
Ain't no description I can give that don't rhyme with 'hit', or variations of the theme.
You thought the shafting Jessica got coverage wise was bad enough? Yer ain't heard the 'alf of it.
Sinnoh was a period of peak Moron Team Rocket, where the one surprise was how stupid they could be.
You may remember an early episode when James designed her clothes for the catwalk. She thought it'd complement his work by applying lipstick all across her mug.
Obviously Jessie would do that, clueless as to how make-up functions.
Come on kids, she's thick!
Even at that numskull nadir it's difficult to comprehend anyone choosing this get up without severe duress.
Picture the scene: you debut on stage, before an audience of thousands and television cameras, in an event preoccupied with superficiality.
What do you wear?
• Giant, oversized glasses out of fashion since the Seventies.
• Bootlace tie last worn in the nineteenth century Wild West by a barman serving sarsaparillas.
• Colour scheme of brown and orange, the nation's favourite hues.
• A man's old shirt fraying at the cuffs.
• Voluminous apron dress.
• Massive yellow bows last seen decorating an Easter Egg. Always a winner.
• Heavy, clod-hopping boots.
• PIGTAILS!!!
Even the name is unattractive.
Ah yes, very common for those under six. Unheard of later.
You have reached puberty haven't yer Jessie? I can't tell anymore.
They couldn't get enough of that combination in Cosmo, which is why it's no longer in print.
Not only is Jessie denied success, she's deprived of the chance to be pretty in a realm where nothing but that carries weight.
Worse, given how her face disintegrated, this is the best she's been for five generations.
Yeah, because the inbred milkmaid style is such a good look, eh?
SEXAY!!!
8. So Long, Tsundere
Remember tsunderes? What happened to 'em?
The curse of Pokémon was draining the well of inspiration too quickly, throwing away interesting characters as mere guests.
This is particularly noticeable regarding the ladies. Back then, we got Misty, Jessie, Jessibelle, Cassidy, Aya, Giselle, Tyra, Sabrina, assorted crones Brutella, Nastina and Lacy, plus Joy, Jenny and Dame Ketchum provided parental authority.
How did a series that began with ball-breaking birds like that end up with insipid, glassy-eyed dullards like Zuhreena, Banana Lana, Marsh Mallow and Lilliput?
Ooh, Zuhreena is a pwincess!
Ooh, Banana Lana bwows big bwubbles!
Ooh, Marsh Mallow wuvs phallic waddishes!
Ooh, Lilliput won't pwet wanimals bwecause of Secwet Pain!
Can you imagine such weak specimens finding any place in the anarchic atmosphere of the classics?
It's SO boring!
Where's the punch? Where's the human spirit?
Where's the entertainment gone?
This squishy attitude began in Hoenn. Misty left, Jessie's hair symbolically changed from volcanic red to pink, and Contests introduced a cuddly theme where glitter glue and sequins are top priority.
Every sharp corner, every jagged point has been filed smooth. Now its substance hasn't the hardness to even develop edges, not when it's all cushions and candyfloss, where catching Pokémon rests on them deigning to grant permission, rather than 'avin it out.
Tsunderes, exuding untamed charisma and independence, besides a soupçon of danger, simply don't fit the cardboard box we habit now.
Nor do yanderes, kuuderes, tsuntsuns, or even derederes. It's just nothing but smiley-smiley creeps.
I wouldn't mind any of these tropes as long as there was some sign of colour to be had.
9. The Sacrifice of Misty
Misty bid farewell under the feeble justification that the lack of a longterm goal made her vulnerable to sacking.
Such a line uttered as if her own choice, being beyond them as writers to invent a purpose.
This implied her replacement would have an exciting quest aiming for excellence, something just beyond Misty's capabilities.
What did we get?
Dressing up and collecting Ribbons!
Is that...is that it? Is that the great idea? Is that all the girls are worth?
I lost Misty for THIS?!
Perhaps it makes no difference. By Hoenn they'd rendered her a leaden blandness sucked dry of all that made her special.
Going by the greasy-toothed bastardisation that swanned up in Alola, Misty was simply too wild for the safe, stifling atmosphere of today.
Her departure ensued she remains frozen as a funny, beloved presence, unlike those she left behind.
Now there was a lucky escape, as once the fanny-flapping starts, the bints have it on the brain.
May had Max to beat on the side, but Dawn developed monomania.
Hardly an episode went by without some reference to Contests, or how today's plot spurred her on to the next opportunity.
Yer need help, love!
Rather than Ash's new friend being a fascinating person who so happened to enter vanity projects, the competition defined them to the exclusion of life.
It is but moths drawn to the candle flame waiting to engulf them.
Contests are this world's version of Tom Riddle's diary: they promise sympathy and validation, but they eat your soul.
Like Tumblr.
10. Completely Unoriginal
Seems to me it wasn't so much Misty had no goal, it was more that Contests were the supposedly hot concept wedged into an existing property.
If earlier aspects failed to accommodate the invader, the onus certainly wasn't on the new kid to change. Oh no, stuff it in and chop off whatever gets in the way.
In the eyes of the post-Shudo regime, Misty was too volatile to last, and so had to go.
What idiots.
She's a tsundere. The softer, more feminine side is a defining component.
Would it really have been so problematic to retain her as an entrant? If Jessie can, why not?
Even if failing to fit, so what? Since when was established characterisation a barrier?
Isn't twisting likeable folk into unrecognisable pods the modus operandi of the writers?
That canon is immaterial, and must always give in to whatever fancy they currently have?
Well then, what's the big deal in infantilising Misty to promote it rather than pensioning her off?
Viewers will be more invested in the challenges awaiting a familiar face rather than a stranger.
What reduces the above to the risible is the original Misty and Jessie both participated in the Princess Festival.
All Contests are is that very scenario on repeat and robbed of all meaning.
Think about it:
• Beauty round
• Battle round
• Jessie loses
Same bloody thing.
Not only have I got to suffer this draining spectacle, it's got the nerve to possess not one iota of fresh ideas!
Contests are a low rent rip-off. The Princess Festival had a worthy reward in the shape of one-of-a-kind Dolls.
It'd already been revealed that ordinary Princess Dolls were ruinously expensive, therefore the special Pokémon edition have to be priceless.
What d'yer get for the trouble of a Contest but a bit of plastic tat taped to bargain basement frippery?
And they demand you get five of 'em!
Contests themselves were then resurrected as Showcases, although mercifully slimmed down to only three, with the emptiness ramped up in compensation.
Perhaps ironically, Princess Versus Princess is one of my favourite episodes. I love its critique of female avarice and accurate portrayal of clothing sales as reminiscent of the zombie apocalypse.
I don't mind the Festival as a single adventure, but I may have felt less favourable had it been a constant presence.
Except it isn't the competition at stake. This is a framework to explore Jessie and Misty as people.
Through its device we learn their history and therefore how they came to develop as the girls we know.
The setting serves as an opportunity for both to confront the misery and isolation of their childhoods, with the promise of overcoming that old torment with the balm of victory.
In the final, they aren't so much battling an opponent as fighting to be free of the past.
The tragedy is only one can be granted that reprieve. The other must remain unhappy in the ruins of memory.
It matters, unlike vapid Contests, where posturing is king. What depth can they provide in comparison?
Despite identical content, they are inverse counterparts, with the Festival presented as merely a light affair concealing a rather dark tale of neglect.
Contests however are paraded as this worthy nourishment for body and mind, a major point in one's journey towards enlightenment, when all they really amount to is an organ grinder and his monkey arsing about for the slack-gobbed plebs.
Bread and circuses.
Best of all, Misty won, not some side twat, as it should be.
Note how Jessie dressed: in delicate, vivid robes and golden decoration. The boys thought her beautiful.
Not as a gormless dweeb you'd cross the street to avoid!
And why the need to disguise herself anyway?
The Twerps had no issue with Jessie of Team Rocket joining the fun back then, so what happened?
At least she received the consolation of gaining Lickitung as a friend, with James and Meowth desperate to comfort her.
What do Contests bring? Sod all!
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mannnnn thank you for validating my dimitri salt because the fandom take of (usually f!)byleth """saving""" him with their (usually her) """warm hand""" etc. etc. gives me the heebie jeebies. i get that there's a lot of young people in this fandom who haven't necessarily worked out yet that no one should feel responsible for "changing" their significant other! but seeing it everywhere is annoying and i'd rather be over here in my own private salt mine, thank you very much >:(
You are very welcome. Putting the rest of my response under a cut so those who don’t wish to see this don’t have to.
First off, as a disclaimer, I just want to say: I don’t think you necessarily have to be young to be attracted to the “power of love saves all” trope, and I am also a firm believer that you can enjoy something in fiction without endorsing / liking it in real life. I myself am a fan of some dark tropes; I love drama and angst, and I have been known to put characters into downright awful situations that I would never want anyone to suffer through in real life. Fiction serves many purposes, but one of those purposes is to allow people to explore ideas that are dark or terrible in safe avenues that hurt no one. This is why there has been fiction that depicts things like gruesome murders, for example, for centuries. People who write books about murderers (usually) don’t actually murder people themselves, nor do they want anyone to be murdered. They’re just telling a story they thought might be interesting, and others who enjoy that type of story (but also probably aren’t murderers and wouldn’t want to murder anyone in real life) are reading it. So it’s entirely possible that people who are drawn to the idea of F!Byleth “saving” Dimitri from his “darkness” with the power of her love are adults, and are also people who wouldn’t go for that sort of thing in real life. That’s completely possible, and I don’t begrudge those people for it. You do you, and all that. If that’s your type of thing, great. More power to you.
But as you’ve gathered from your posts, I personally don’t like it at all.
I haven’t finished Azure Moon yet, but so far I hate … pretty much everything about the way Dimitri’s character has shaken out, and how his relationship with Byleth is being forced now. Because let’s get one thing clear: Dimitri’s feelings that Byleth “saved” him are almost as much of a 180 as his feelings regarding not wanting to kill Edelgard, with potentially even less explanation if you can swallow that he, for some reason, believed that Patricia was the first Flame Emperor because Cornelia (enemy and known liar) said so as she was dying right off the bat without any proof to back up the claim. When Dimitri first saw Byleth after five years, he at first thought they were a ghost, and then accused them of being a spy, and THEN went on to say that he didn’t really care either way so long as he could keep murdering people (and still later said that he would “use [Byleth] and [their] friends until [their] flesh fell from their bones” so, yikes). It wasn’t until Dimitri saw Dedue that there was any sign of his behavior changing even slightly. Dedue’s reunion got the romantic sounding music. Dedue brought out the softness in Dimitri. Dedue comes across as a far more natural love interest for Dimitri than Byleth ever could. Once Rodrigue kicks the bucket, Dimitri still pushes Byleth away until he breaks down into a Woe Is Me speech and Byleth offers their hand. At that point Dimitri’s gratitude and fondness for Byleth begins being pushed very hard, in a way that feels unnatural and unrealistic given how he’d behaved up until that point. If Dimitri had been more broken up and touched at Byleth’s reappearance after five years, sure, maybe. But as it stands it feels unnatural, and leads me as a player to believe that Byleth flat out just did not mean as much to Dimitri as they meant to Claude or especially Edelgard.
But all of that—the bad writing, of which there are other instances in Azure Moon, to the point where in my opinion this feels like the Conquest of Three Houses—is a minor issue. The bigger issue is the fact that the game pushes that we’re supposed to sympathize with Dimitri and see him as a tragically heroic figure when I … don’t, at all, for multiple reasons.
The first, and perhaps biggest, issue is the way his trauma and mental illness is being used by the narrative as the defining reason for why we should sympathize with him. Dimitri was traumatized when he was about fourteen by seeing his parents, friends, and others killed brutally in front of him during the Tragedy in Duscur. (Note that in this same incident Dedue witnessed GENOCIDE CARRIED OUT ON HIS PEOPLE, HIS FAMILY MURDERED RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM, but the trauma that he should have from this is basically never touched upon, and instead he acts as though people from Faerghus—you know, the kingdom that COMMITTED GENOCIDE AGAINST HIS PEOPLE—should not associate with him lest it stain their reputations. Hmm. Hmmm.) Somehow, at the tender age of fourteen, Dimitri went on a brutal killing tirade during this incident, delighting in bloodshed, which understandably disturbed and traumatized Felix (whose own brother was slain during that incident, mind, albeit not by Dimitri obviously), who then cut ties with him, not wanting to be friends with someone like that anymore. (Note: Everyone acts as though Felix was the bad one for this, rather than thinking it reasonable to not want to be friends with someone who delights in murder and bloodshed.) As a result of all of this, Dimitri regularly hallucinates the ghosts of his dead relatives and friends, and devotes his entire life to avenging them by murdering whoever was responsible for the Tragedy of Duscur, as well as whoever gets in his way of accomplishing that. (Note: “Who was responsible” is something Dimitri will accept with basically no evidence. He believes Edelgard was responsible because she called herself the Flame Emperor and wore a similar outfit to the one he saw back then. Never mind that she is his age and thus was also a fourteen-year-old child at the time; no, he believes she must have magically made herself the size of an adult and was capable of killing not only her own mother, but also his father (who carried a Hero’s Relic!) and countless others. Because that makes sense.)
So. It’s clear that Dimitri has deep-seated trauma, and it’s understandable that he would have trauma from such a grisly, horrible event. It is also true that not everyone reacts to trauma in the same way, and that there is a definite stigma against those who don’t react to their trauma in ways that people can twist to be “cute” or “endearing”. I’ve talked about the Good Survivor vs. Bad Survivor dichotomy among fans on my blog before, and I stand by everything that I said. However, there are several key points to keep in mind:
Not all behaviors can be classed as just “Good” or “Bad”, and furthermore, even if two behaviors are agreed upon to be “Bad”, that doesn’t mean they’re on the same scale. Being asocial and snapping verbally at people isn’t the behavior of a “Good” Survivor, but it’s also not nearly as bad as actually murdering people and doing it as slowly and painfully as possible. Getting on someone’s case because their trauma makes them reluctant to socialize or trust isn’t the same as calling them out for torturing people to death. This shouldn’t have to be said, but this is tumblr, so I’m going to say it.
Succinctly, a shitty past does not excuse a shitty present. Yes, Dimitri was traumatized. No, this DOES NOT justify his actions even before the timeskip, much less after it. Similarly, Dimitri lampshading that his behavior is bad and calling himself ~a monster~ doesn’t make it better, either. If anything, it makes it worse, because Dimitri knows that what he’s doing is horrible and he continues to do it anyway. Just because you’ve been traumatized (rather through a single incident or years of abuse or whatever) doesn’t give you a free pass to do whatever you want. You are accountable for your actions and behaviors, always. Trauma may explain why you behave the way you do, but it does not excuse it.
The problem with the narrative portrayal of Dimitri on Azure Moon (and arguably Verdant Wind as well, since we had an Alas Poor Dimitri moment when he was killed on Verdant Wind despite him literally calling for the deaths of everyone on the field in that path, straight up telling Claude to his face that he was going to kill him) is that the game pretty much flat out tells you that you should sympathize with Dimitri because of his trauma. Oh sure, Felix calls Dimitri “the boar prince” and routinely chews him out, but if you tell Felix that you’re not going to talk to Dimitri shortly after the timeskip, Felix tells you to “not give up so easily” and that Dimitri surrendered his humanity in pursuit of becoming a better killer, as if that’s supposed to make him sympathetic. Rodrigue tells Byleth that he wishes that he had the courage to “scold” Dimitri, but doesn’t actually do anything about it. And every single person present, including both Rodrigue and Gilbert, go along with whatever Dimitri wants, even when what he wants ignores the problem of the fact that Faerghus citizens are starving to death in the streets because of the situation in the capital. Dimitri flat out tells EVERYONE that he is all but abdicating his duties as king in the name of revenge, but rather than Rodrigue or someone else experienced coming to the logical conclusion taht he is therefore no longer fit to be king and relieving him of those duties (not necessarily violently; I doubt he would have put up an argument), they instead just go, “welp, nothing we can do about it we guess” and go along with what he wants, leaving the people to suffer, because Dimitri is of the Blaiddyd bloodline and, well, he’s a sad boy and they feel bad for him.
I shouldn’t have to say it, but I’m going to: This is disgusting. It’s disgusting that Dimitri’s trauma is used as a way to try to make the player feel bad for him despite the atrocities he commits time and again right there on screen. When Byleth first returns to the monastery after five years, it’s to find that he’s decorated the place with Empire soldier corpses. Byleth has to mercy kill Randolph before Dimitri can rip out his eyes, something Dimitri grows angry with them for. Dimitri says, immediately after that, the line that has stuck with me: “I’ll use you and your friends until your flesh falls from your bones.” He’s told that the people in Fhirdiad are starving and dying in the streets and need help and he flat out says he doesn’t care. He relishes in bloodshed and crows at every opportunity about how he wants to kill. While both Claude and Edelgard look regretful about the battle at Gronder Field, Dimitri just once again roars about how he wants his soldiers to kill every single person present. And through it all, we’re told that this is okay and we should forgive and feel sorry for him because he’s traumatized. It’s not really his fault, it’s just, ooh, that darn trauma!
As someone who has C-PTSD from years and years of abuse, I can’t begin to tell you how much narratives like this infuriate me. Those of us with trauma aren’t mindless infants who are unaware of our surroundings and incapable of controlling our behavior. When I say “a shitty past doesn’t excuse a shitty present” and “traumatized individuals are responsibel for their behavior,” I say that from the perspective of someone with trauma that affects me to this day. My abuse was such that sometimes I still have nightmares about my biological mother that leave me dazed and distracted for the whole day. I’ve really been through it. But I’m also 100% responsible for my own behavior. It’s my responsibility, and no one else’s, to make sure that I don’t hurt others. If I do something wrong, that’s on me, and my trauma will never excuse or justify it.
So for the narrative of Three Houses to act as though Dimitri’s rampant murder, (attempted) torture, and love for bloodshed and violence is excusable and forgivable because of his trauma is infuriating to me. It’s infuriating to me how, after that insipid ~warm hand~ moment, Dimitri launches into constant Woe Is Me speeches where we’re meant to reassure him that it’s okay that he committed so many murders for no reason other than to quench his blood thirst, it’s okay that he wanted to use his former friends as meat shields to get what he wanted, it’s okay he abandoned his people to die in the streets, that he’s still a good and worthy king and ~just what Faerghus needs~. We’re supposed to see his return to Fhirdiad as a good thing, an inspiring moment. We’re supposed to side with him when he (I assume) later acts the hypocrite by telling Edelgard that People Dying Is Wrong and that she should surrender to him instead. (Never mind that deaths caused by Edelgard’s actions were caused as a result of a war that was necessary to take down the Church of Seiros, which actually had been ruling all of Fodlan under the guise of letting the different territories rule themselves for ages, while Dimitri just killed Empire soldiers for his own blood thirst and revenge, but you know. If you ask most of the people in the fandom, Saint Didi can do no wrong.)
But the thing is, all of that is bullshit. It wasn’t okay that he committed so many murders for the sake of his own revenge fantasies and blood lust. It wasn’t okay that he wanted his former friends to be his meat shields. It wasn’t okay that he abandoned his people. None of that was okay. And I don’t want to sit here and console him and make him feel better just because he apologies and cries about how he’s The Biggest Monster Ever as a result of his actions. Because a.) his actions were monstrous, and b.) that’s an emotionally manipulative tactic, and I’m here for none of it.
Before I go any further, let me state flat out: I’m not calling Dimitri an emotional abuser. I don’t think that was the intent behind those Woe Is Me pity parties of his, from a writing standpoint, and therefore that’s not what he’s thinking he’s doing when he goes on them. I will call Dimitri many things, including a murderer, but I won’t call him an emotional abuser because I don’t think that was the intent in the writing. However, regardless of whether that was the intent in the writing or not, it doesn’t change the fact that one of the oldest tricks in the emotional manipulation book is, when emotional manipulators / abusers are called out on their behaviors and forced to answer to the things they’ve done, they’ll flip the script and start degarding themselves and talking about how awful they are so their victims end up comforting them. A very basic demonstration of what I mean:
Victim: “It really hurts me when you act like you can’t trust me and go through my phone to see who I’ve been talking to. I feel like my privacy is being violated and like you think I’m dishonest.”
Manipulator: “You’re right, I know I should trust you more. I just get so insecure and scared that you’ll leave me.”
Victim: “I know you deal with insecurity, but that doesn’t give you a right to go through my things. It really upsets me when you do this.”
Manipulator: “I know, I’m such a horrible person. I’m the worst partner. You deserve so much better than me, I understand that you hate me, I’m just the worst and am absolutely useless and terrible and not fit to be even your friend, much less your partner.”
Victim: “No, wait, that’s not true …”
And on and on. Even if they pepper in “I’m sorry”s in there, it’s never once a genuine apology, because they spend so much time tearing themselves down in an exaggerated fashion that the victim feels like they have to comfort the person who hurt them. Similarly, when Dimitri goes on his speeches about how he’s ~unworthy to be king~ or a monster or whatever, the answer choices given are Byleth comforting him one way or the other. We’re never given an option (beyond telling Felix we won’t talk to Dimitri right after the time skip) to tell Dimitri that he is awful, that he doesn’t deserve to be king, or really to revoke our support in any way at all. And because Byleth is not given that option, the narrative is telling us that the correct “choice” (because there really isn’t one) is to sympathize with and empower Dimitri despite how heinous is behavior is. Because Dimitri was traumatized, poor thing, and thus it’s okay that he brutally murdered all those people for no reason other than his own satisfaction.
(Note: The game never once says “revenge is wrong because it just breeds more revenge.” Even though it seemed like they were going that way with Randolph and Fleche, it’s not Fleche wanting to murder Dimitri that makes Dimitri realize that what he’s been doing is fucked up, it’s Rodrigue dying defending him from Fleche. So even if you wanted to say that Dimitri being blood thirsty and out for revenge was meant to teach him a lesson about how he should behave, it’s not, because that’s not a lesson he ever actually picks up on.)
And that finally ties into what I think you were driving at in your ask (boy, I’ve been at this for a long time), which is the narrative of someone “saving” someone else with their love. By telling the player that they, as Byleth, should excuse and forgive Dimitri for his atrocities because he was traumatized and sad, the narrative (and all the characters in the narrative) are basically pushing Byleth to be Dimitri’s therapist. And as I said in the tags on one of my Azure Moon hate posts (or maybe on twitter, I can’t remember, it all blends together), I am not here for that.
Aside from the fact that both Edelgard and Claude seem to genuinely care for Byleth the whole way through, the other primary difference between them and Dimitri is the fact that Byleth doesn’t have to play therapist for either of them. Claude, for the most part, doesn’t have any major traumas; he did have to grow up being outcasted for being mixed race, and that is its own kind of trauma which I am in NO WAY diminishing, but that trauma he faced was the more realistic type of trauma that people in real life face every day. He is still the most well-adjusted of the three. As for Edelgard, she is in my opinion even more traumatized than Dimitri, but not only is her trauma handled in such a way that it’s never used as an excuse for her behavior (the experiences that traumatized her helped her form the beliefs that spur her actions, but her actions always route back to those beliefs, not to “ghosts made me do it”), but she also pretty much keeps her trauma to herself as best she can and never hinges her emotional stability on Byleth. Yes, Byleth’s presence helps balance Edelgard since Byleth is a secondary confidant and can therefore offer counter-influence to Hubert’s toxic influence (not bashing Hubert here, I’m just saying, he is the WORST influence), but although it’s made clear that Edelgard deeply missed Byleth for the past five years to the point of lamenting about it constantly to the rest of the Black Eagle Strike Force, she also kept her shit together and didn’t wantonly murder people as a result of Byleth’s absence. When she comes to Byleth with issues, they’re usually tactics or strategy related. Byleth is only ever able to learn about Edelgard’s past in late night moments of emotional vulnerability, such as after a nightmare. And even then, Edelgard sharing those moments is less “HEAL MY PAST TRAUMA AND MAKE ME BETTER, PROFESSOR” and more “okay, I trust you enough to tell you this.” It’s not about helping stabilize Edelgard, it’s about earning enough of Edelgard’s trust to learn of her past.
This is in stark contrast to Dimitri, who, again, is completely off his shits, and him being off his shits is treated as a problem that Byleth (/the player) needs to “fix.” Felix tells you to do something about Dimitri. Rodrigue asks you to steer Dimitri in a better direction. Gilbert and Dedue both thank you for “saving” Dimitri even before he finishes being off his shits. The Azure Moon route is about forcing Byleth into the position of therapist and having them do emotional labor for Dimitri, which is hilarious if you think about how Byleth didn’t even start having emotions until teaching at the academy, but also unbelievably aggravating to me, as a player, because I don’t want to be a therapist for a murderous sadboy. I don’t like Dimitri. I don’t approve of his actions or behaviors. And I don’t give a shit what his reasons are for it. I’m not here to be his therapist or do that emotional labor, and I shouldn’t have to be. No one should have to be, except a paid therapist, and only because they’re being paid and have agreed to take on the job. But even then, Dimitri is still his own responsiblity. He is a grown fucking man. It shouldn’t be my or anyone else’s job to do this for him. Neither Edelgard or Claude (or Yuri, for that matter, in Cindered Shadows) required this much emotional labor and bullshit, for fucksake.
But of course, in all of this, I think what gets me more than anything present in the entire game is the fact how, from what I’ve seen, people in fandom by and large worship Dimitri and bend themselves into pretzels painting him as heroic while simultaneously spitting bile at Edelgard and making her out to be a villain. The contrast in their respective pages on TV Tropes is stark. I know I shouldn’t be surprised, given that Edelgard is a woman (and a queer woman, at that) and Dimitri is a blond white boy, and that’s just the way these things tend to be, but it still pisses me off and frustrates me to no end. Fandoms are simultaneously the best and worst of times and this will likely never change. (But honestly, if Edelgard’s role was filled by the blond white pretty boy while Dimitri’s was filled by the woman, I guarantee you that reception to them would be flipped right around. Guarantee.)
Anyway, this turned into a huge rant. I didn’t even expect it to be this long when I started writing. But suffice to say that while I’ve not yet finished Azure Moon, it’s currently my least favorite of the routes I’ve played (best is Crimson Flower, then Cindered Shadows because shut up I’m counting it, then Verdant Wind, and then Azure Moon; I’m ignoring the existence of Silver Snow since I cannot imagine ever not siding with Edelgard when I’ve chosen the Black Eagles), and I cannot stand Didi. He is the worst of the House Leaders by far. Considering how much he has in common with Rhea, it shouldn’t be surprising I feel this way about him, but boy, do I feel this way about him. So go ahead and feel validated, anon. You will not find Didi or Azure Moon love on this blog. You are not alone in this, trust.
#this got so long wow#but i mean every word#fucking hate azure moon and cannot stand Dimitri#this is a Didi Alexandre hate blog#(well not really since dedicating a blog to hatred for a fictional character is stupid but)#(you know what I mean)#also it really is fucked up how Didi's trauma over the Tragedy at Duscur is highlighted so much#and he's treated as being so tragic because of it#but Dedue watching his people be genocided and then being discriminated against for his race#is like . . . completely glossed over#and he's OKAY with it and encourages The Whites not to interact with him lest their rep be tarnished#and also is okay with it bc of White Savior Didi#g o d#fucking nasty#worst route#(again not counting Silver Snow in rankings bc I won't play it bc what is the point)#(how could anyone side with Rhea over Edelgard)#(that route doesn't exist tyvm)#anyway#rant over now i promise#fire emblem: three houses#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#Anonymous#meta
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ENTERTAINMENT
Cocaine Withdrawals and Blood Transfusions: Clive Owen On The Season Finale Of 'The Knick'
By Matthew Jacobs
10/18/2014 12:24 AM ET
Updated Dec 06, 2017
WARNING: Major spoilers ahead. Do not read on if you haven't seen the Season 1 finale of "The Knick."
"The Knick" ended its 10-episode debut season on Friday, and the hope each character found in his or her new beginnings was bookended with a sense of dread. Thackery discovers an unfortunate way to kick his cocaine habit in the form of 1900-era heroin. Barrow bests Bunky Collier, but Mr. Wu learns of his manipulation. Cornelia's wedding day arrives, but she's haunted by the thought of her clandestine abortion and her feelings for Dr. Edwards. And Edwards himself is given the chance to shine while Thack is out of commission, but he's left bloodied in the streets, knowing Cornelia is off vowing to love another man. No character wins, but the show surely does. This was a stunner of a season finale, exemplifying the best of Steven Soderbergh's slow-burning drama. HuffPost Entertainment caught up with star Clive Owen, who plays Thackery, to discuss the finale.
Did you study cocaine withdrawal to decide what that would look like once Thackery's supply runs out?
I did as much research as I could. The great thing is that cocaine shortage again was based on fact. Everything in the show is inspired by real events. The idea of starving Thackery of his drug and then coming back and this more than ever was a brilliant way of climaxing. To go through that period of struggle, of not having the drug and then getting it and taking too much, was always, I felt, a great way to build him toward the end.
Nurse Elkin's role in procuring cocaine is fascinating. Does Thackery really love her, or does he only appreciate when she can do things for him?
I think by that time he’s a desperate addict. When she delivers that and when she finally comes through with the cocaine, he’s like, "She’s the most beautiful, loving person." He’s a desperate addict by this point. Just the fact that she’s delivering what he needs is everything.
We see him compete to advance various surgical procedures, but he does it mostly out of ego so he'll always be considered the best. How much does Thackery actually care about medicine?
I really do think by the ending couple of episodes that he’s completely lost his way. He’s a complete paranoid, competitive mess by the end. He is brilliant, but by this point he’s in a desperate place and he’s not thinking straight. That’s kind of where we’re taking him -- he’s heading for a fall.
Many of the surgery scenes are both graphic and relatively primitive. Is there a doctor on set guiding how they should look?
Yes, we had the most amazing expert, a guy called Dr. Stanley Burns, who runs this archive of literally hundreds of thousands of photographs from this period in the world. The show is like his fantasy come to life. He has an unbelievable wealth of material; he has medical documents that were handed between doctors at the turn of the century, he has instruments that were used at the time. He was there for every single operation and would be able to describe exactly how it would have been done, so we leaned on him tremendously.
That blood-transfusion scene in the finale is wild. Surely some of that is CGI.
Really, I have to say that the prosthetics guy on this thing did an absolutely unbelievable job throughout, and there’s so little CGI in this whole series. Everything is totally convincing, even to the naked eye, including that transfusion scene. That was the one scene where I remember I turned to Steven at one point and said, “How on earth are we ever going to bring back Thackery from this?” Will we ever be able to redeem him from this? I mean, in such a coked-up state, to be attempting something like that with this poor little girl, it’s a wild as it could get. But that’s the make of the show.
Do you think Bertie made the right choice in remaining so loyal to Thackery, especially at the end when he realizes what's been going on?
It’s difficult because Thackery does eventually go off the rails, but there’s no question that, at the beginning when we meet him, Thackery is a genius. He’s learned an incredible lot. That’s the journey of what happens, but there’s no question that Bertie would have learned an awful lot, but he’s also had to withstand an awful lot.
What do you think happened to Abigail and her syphilis nose?
We might not have seen the last of her. I won’t say any more on that.
We've seen shocking surgeries all season, but the most jarring moment probably comes when we see that Eleanor's teeth have been removed because that's how doctors thought they'd cure mental illness.
I agree with you. It is shocking, and what’s shocking is that that was the practice at the time. That was real. They actually really did think that. And the scary thing, when you do a show like this, is that what we’d be doing in 40 or 50 years’ time would make us think, "How on Earth could we have thought that was right?" How on Earth could a doctor really have believed that?
It must be hard to shoot in contemporary downtown New York but make every scene look and feel like it's set in 1900.
Steven has just the most incredible people around him that he’s been working with for a long time. What was really incredible is when you film on one of those outside days, you’d come to the exterior of the hospital and you’d walk on and everything would already be up and running. You’d do a shot in the carriage and it would pull up and you’d get out and 20 minutes later we’d be on to something else. It was so incredibly efficient, and they were so focused in getting those big outside scenes nailed so quickly. There were very challenging days -- we were shooting real New York Chinatown for 1900 Chinatown. We’d find a block in there that we’d dress and shoot, but you can imagine the logistics of trying to pull that off. They went in there and they were just incredibly together.
What's the most fascinating thing you've learned about medicine in 1900?
The thing that you’re kind of left with is just how much they were shooting from the hip. It was a time of change; things were coming big and fast. They were rethinking things on a weekly basis. At the time, doctors were sharing information across America and Europe. It was a wildly exciting time in terms of the breakthroughs they were making, probably this time in this period more than any other period.
You've worked with Robert Altman, Mike Nicholas, Alfonso Cuarón and Spike Lee. What does Steven Soderbergh, the consummate multitasker, bring to "The Knick" that no other director could?
I think the reason no other director could have taken this on and done it the way that he did it is that he has done everything. He directs, he operates, he lights, he edits, and it’s a singular vision. It’s 10 hours of television that completely comes back to one man and a singular vision. To have that is really extraordinary because I don’t know of any of the other directors you mentioned or any director that I’ve worked with who could do that and could hold the whole canal like he approached it at the speed with which he approached it. And he dealt with something so rich and detailed. He’s extraordinary in that way; there is no one like him. For an actor to work with that is a real privilege because he’s so on top of all aspects of what’s going on that you’re kind of left just worrying about your acting, which is a great place to be because you’re so sure. It’s a one-stop gig. You know that it all comes back to him. There’s something kind of great about that, about shooting a scene and there not being that dialogue of, “What if we did this?” or “What if we did that?” No. It goes back to that guy and his vision and his taste and his talent. I’m telling you he’s a hugely, hugely impressive person.
When does Season 2 start filming?
We go into pre-production soon and I think I’m heading out to New York for January.
What do you hope to see in Thackery's future now that he's been exposed to heroin?
He's been so edgy in his story and so visceral and dangerous. What’s great is the idea of being able to go into the next season and it could just pick up and hit the ground running, taking it further and exploring new territories. I’ve got a number of the scripts already and it’s just really exciting where we can take it.
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久しぶりでしょうね？ Let's catch up.
I haven't been diligently studying Japanese due to... just life. Some unavoidable things happened and I had to live through the nightmare. It's all right now. I think. I'm here to update you about how miserable it's been trying to catch up with what I've missed and maybe talk about the time I spoke to JO1's Sho who can speak English and I wanted to make an effort to speak to him in Japanese but failed (without sounding like a twat who's showing off).
Continue reading under the cut.
Note: I barely edited it, so if it sounds out of place, or my Japanese sounds awkward... tough luck, I'm probably not going to edit it.
1. Wanikani update
レベル１０に入ってでした。正直は、まだレベル9ですね。This thing levels up as soon as you learn everything there is on the level you formerly in, without taking into account if you have complete at least a round of revision on the last thing that you've learned (they call it 'review' on WK).
The SRS thing is proven to be the best method to recall phrases and kanji. I'm paying for Wanikani (okay, the thing is good. I like it) and have Anki installed and haven't reviewed anything since I created my decks. But it works alright. I may have the worst memory/information-retaining brain and it might've taken me forever to recall what 予 is (it's beforehand, apparently), but I can still remember the ones I've learned the longest; basically from levels 1-4. (I'm learning 予 in the latest level, that is level 9. I'm still suffering turbulence here.)
I haven't seen my stats. Let's have a look, shall we?
I live by the words 'it could've been worse.'
My percentages used to be at least in the 90% across the board, but I just jumped straight into reviewing and clearing over 900 radicals, kanji, and vocabulary without revising, hence why I've done terribly and now it's bringing my stats down.
Radicals
I can't believe I fucked up my radicals. They were supposed to be the easiest. I have no words.
If you need a single tip to start learning kanji, you can start by learning its components, and that is the radicals. It'd be easier for you to create stories for mnemonics. Other than that, try Heisig's Remembering the Kanji.
Kanji
I am aware I could've done better at this, but kanji itself is just confusing. It's sometimes easy to predict some of the words, like ち that's used for earth or soil (地) and pond (池)--and not to mention the difference is just the radicals soil and tsunami--but I deduced that some aspects of nature fall under the ち umbrella.
And then there are devils like 他 and 地. Ugh. I'm going to leave it here.
Vocabulary
I know what the word 交じる stands for, and then you have 交わる which is thrown into the mix just to confuse me, and that just pisses me off every damn time.
I honestly know the meaning better than the pronunciation... which is dumb because if I were to speak in Japanese, I'm supposed to say the words majiru or majiwaru, not to be mixed or to intersect.
One thing about WK: you might understand the meaning differently. For example, they may offer the word substitution, but I would think of another word, replacement. Unless you input the word 'replacement' into the system, it would still be wrong in your reviews, and you're expected to remember substitution instead. And as an ESL, well, sometimes I'm just expected to drill the word substitution into my brain. I barely use the word daily anyway. So, you're expected to do extra work in order to learn, which is not a bad thing, but it can be annoying sometimes.
To recap, I don't do terribly despite not doing WK for a few months, but I could've done better. It's still in the okay territory, but I'll do my best to improve my reading skills and expand my lexicon.
What's next? I still have to clear up 92 lessons which include the level 9 that I've yet to cover and the entirety of level 10. On top of that, the tens and hundreds of reviews need to be cleared out daily... it's still going to be a rigorous routine when it comes to this one.
2. Grammar (and Reading)
In order not to spend my own money on learning materials, I persuaded my mum to get me みんなの日本語 (MNN); both workbook and notes for Level 1, and I chipped in with my Kinokuniya discount card. Yes, I am 26, but my finances haven't been the greatest as of late, so if anyone needs to hire a writer/social media manager, please send me a DM.
I digressed. Anyway, I've reached the 4th chapter, and it's been great so far! The workbook is completely in Japanese, and as someone who can read hiragana, and to some extent, katakana, it's definitely a great book that helps me improve my reading skills. I wish WK and MNN were at least streamlined because the kanji on WK has the tendency to be more scattered due to the complexity of certain kanji despite them being N5-N4 kanji.
[I edited out a paragraph on Kanji levels and complexities but would like to highlight the inconsistencies in the kanji levels that's shared on the Internet, including in WK. I suppose you will never find the one true answer as to which level does 傘 (umbrella) belongs to: is it N5 per stated in Jisho, or is it N1 as stated in WK? I guess you will never know...)
I prefer MNN over Genki as Genki explains points in English and annotates translation/furigana as bright as day underneath the Japanese texts. As a high-functioning English/romaji reader, my brain isn't doing the hard word; it's just reading the English and romaji. MNN forces me to read in Japanese and makes me translate the sentences on my own, so I am actively learning from the activity. Whilst it has a separate book that explains the chapters in English, I find it very helpful for me to immerse myself in Japanese then flip through the English version of the book just to see how well I understand the lesson. I would suggest Genki for absolute beginners and MNN for those who are in the lower-intermediate level.
I've been reading JO1's mails and articles related to them with varying degree of successes. The shorter ones are simpler and more manageable, but reading longer ones make me quit halfway. I should be reading more so it'd be easier for me to recognise the ones I've yet to learn and strengthening those I've learned.
3. Active learning (Speaking, Listening and Writing)
I've tried to speak in Japanese to myself, and it's mostly え、なんだろう今。。。、ヤッバ、マジ？、いいですね！、ほんまに？ and the latter being 'really?' in Kansai dialect (関西弁), thanks to half of the members of JO1. Since I'm learning 'textbook', formal Japanese, I'm still finding it extremely difficult to communicate in vernacular/colloquial Japanese. Not that I'm familiar with 敬語 (keigo/honorific language) either, just trying to fit the よ, ね, です, します, ません et cetera have racked my brain and I'm at the precipice of trying not to lose my mind. Perhaps, if I tried harder, I'd be able to use it comfortably. But for now, please let me suffer from my stupidity.
Since I wanted to 'try harder', I'm currently going through Making Out in Japanese (it sounds crude, but so far it's been very mild and helpful)
I haven't been writing in Japanese, which is horrible, because what's the use of reading when you can't write. I tried making my own flashcards which ended up taking too much time so I turned to digitalised SRS instead, which can be both annoying and unhelpful sometimes. I'm not a fan of learning through the screen as it takes too much space on the table and plays a part as my focus destroyer. But I can't complain as these devices do make things infinite times easier for me.
For the past couple of weeks, I've interacted with more Japanese JAMs (that's what JO1 decided to christen their fans) and have made the effort to type in Japanese, albeit broken Japanese. I employed my brain, Jisho and the untrusting Papago and Google Translate (the translation sites merely help me check if my sentences make any sense). I bet they're reading my tweets and messages thinking, 'What the fuck is this person on about?' Well, I don't know either.
And here comes the horrible part.
I won yonton (용통 in Korean, basically a video call) and had the chance to speak to the JO1's leader. Which is awesome, yes? I had a week to prepare and that particular week leading up to the event had given me multiple heart attacks. Some dramas happened, an interview happened... and I had only a few days left to prepare. Towards the end of the week, I decided I was going to do 自己紹介 (self-introduction) in Japanese. I know enough to say *キラです。クアラルンプ���ル出身です。マレーシアJAM です, though that sounds super awkward. What I did on the day was the exact opposite.
Well, it's a known fact that the leader speaks English. Heck, it's an open secret that we know he went to a school that had an English department, whatever that means. As the owner of this brain who've spent approximately weeks and hundreds of hours on Japanese, I think know enough to say those words. But what did I do?
I spoke to him in English.
Of course, like everything, it takes a while to set in. That evening, it occurred to me that not only I had spoken to him in English, I also didn't let him speak. I didn't let him finish his sentence.
To be fair, it was only for 30 seconds. I don't need him to speak, and I wanted to, for once, assert my dominance. (The running joke here is that he plays the character of a freaking flirt, and as a lesbian whose compulsory heterosexual crush is him, I have the inclination to get the man to sit down and shut up for once. I guess I did?)
It's not me if there's no faux pas. Anyways...
Today's the 290th day since I started using WK, basically the beginning of my journey to relearn Japanese. Will I be able to communicate at least on a conversational level by the time I'm 30? We will see.
If you're reading this and needs recommendations on resources that are free, hit me up!
またね。
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Mal: I'm BI I'm HOMELESS I have RADIATION POISONING and I'm NEW IN TOWN/ I swing both ways ;) Violently. With a bat. Come get some motherfuckers./ in order to lead a happy life i'm gonna have to disappoint my parents a bit/ my neutral expression makes me look like i'm always in a bad mood which is convenient because it's usually true/ if i feel an emotion one more time im gonna snap/ "that's too much eyeliner!" cry me a fucking table, Linda, go back to Forever 21/ whatever *becomes an enemy of the state*/ if someone points at your black clothes and asks who's funeral it is, a look around the room and a casual "haven't decided yet" is always a good response/ Hmmmm gay rights but for me i think? The rest of you are on your own/ family dinners more like heteronormativity and offensive jokes/ Maybe she's born with it maybe She's Been Constantly Pressured To Meet Impossible Standards Since Birth/ if i ever opened up to you i was joking/ i'm bisexual and stupid. that's all i am. god looked at my shitty tiny frame and said, "you're going to be a little bisexual moron" then released me into the world.
Estelle: ...and this is my bedroom aka my Isolation Station TM/ every day is leg day when ur running from your problems/ im a witch i mixed some herbs and crystals together and now my cat nows the f word/ it's just me and my 400 unread books against the world i guess/ "You should never bottle up your emotions," I say kicking seventeen Emotion Bottles TM under the carpet./ If you were a gifted kid in elementary school there's a 100% chance you're gay and depressed now
Jaki: the longer my hair gets the more powerful i become/ *enters with a bad powerpoint animation effect* hello/ what if i deleted myself off the face of the earth? haha...unless/ not to be controversial but respect trans women or die by my sword/ I just want to say from the bottom of my heart I didn't sign up for this shit/ accidentally indulged in too much 'me time', turns out I've been reported missing for over six months and presumed dead by most local and national authorities/ since it is pride month and due to recent events I am challenging all transphobes and Agni Kai. I have my hairspray and lighter ready. Get in line.
Malais: "dude" but like romantically
Mal and Estelle: "Darling" but I can't stand you/ I'm gonna start a Cute Bi Club for all bisexual and biromantic folks and all we're gonna do is pet cats and talk about how cute and bi we are
James: women want me. fish fear me. dermatologists hate me. hot singles in my area want to meet me. god wishes he were me./ While you were studying the blade, I was studying a bigger, cooler blade/ you guys don't know what a himbo is anymore. you've lost sight. you can't just call every man you like a himbo. theres nuance/ the more knives you have the more valid you are
Celine: please do not disrespect the moon/ *wakes up* what the fuck/ u ever wake up from a dream like "damn i guess i'm not coping with THAT as well as i thought i was/ i wanna learn how to throw knives so i can throw them real close n graze somebody to let them know 2 shut the fuck up/ I'm gonna replace every bone in my body with a knife, if someone punches me they're in for a surprise (the knife)/ "Wow, you're so mature for your age!" thanks it was the trauma/ yeah i'm beautiful but where is my mental stability???
Solais: Im a slut for validation!!Tell me you're proud!!! Tell I did good!!!!/ have you ever met someone that was sunshine in human form/ the rumours are true...i have a soft heart/ i'm very important and soft/ have you ever met someone who's smile looks like it could make flowers grow/ talents include looking 12 and saying thank you to the bus driver/ I'm dropping out of school to become a full time lesbian reblog if you want in
Diego: she knocked that smug look off my face but luckily i was a second, smaller smug look underneath/ if you ever feel safe please remember that im out there/ power move: saying "that's treason" everytime someone does something that mildly inconveniences you/ *sigh* why am i better than everyone/ ok yes i may be evil and morally corrupt but i'm also incredibly beautiful and i think that makes up for it honestly/ i want to do cool teenager stuff, like going to parties and arson/ yes I am fully aware that I'm the worst TM but I still wanna be like.....loved and stuff/ i am no longer baby i want power/ i'm fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me
Lucifer: hi im here to ruin everything/ my therapist once told me i have have obssession with seeking revenge...we'll see about that/ *straight person voice* you rebel scum/ everyone who died and was killed on my quest to get really good fashion and hair deserved it and i don't care/ Men will have a kid and be like "i have lost the ability to be wrong"/ Is it hot in here or am I just Satan
Diablo Siblings: You're important to me you piece of shit/ do you ever see your sibling and just this overwhelming urge to smack them for no reason? like my brother will walk into the room and i'm like "oh man i guess i have to end you"
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