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servin-up-surveys · 2 years

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survey #047

“whoever wants to be beautiful needs to suffer”

When was the last time you climbed over a fence? Not since I was a kid, I think. Not doing anything illegal, the fence was on our property. Does your pet wear a collar? Of course. Well, except my snake, but that's kinda a given, haha. What is the first thing on your Christmas Wishlist? To get the tattoo with Sara's handwriting covered with a tribute design to my late dog Teddy. What would you do if your mom/dad saw a hickey on you? Be embarrassed but probably say nothing. I'm old enough to do what I want in my own bedroom. What goal are you working on this month? Losing weight. I'm honestly terrified to weigh myself since my appetite has started to creep back, though... Like I haven't been eating a LOT, but more than I was when my appetite was non-existent. What could you say is your biggest time waster? These stupid surveys, for real. When was the last time that you were asked out somewhere, and you declined? Dad asked me at Ryder's bday party if I'd like to go with them to a football game; I said no just because of how poorly I handle heat, and NEVERMIND the walking/going up the steps... If you’re listening to music, name a lyric from the song. "Eitelkeit is nie bescheiden" = "vanity is never modest" in English. It's a remix of "Zick Zack" and by god this version's also an absolute banger alskdjfalk;wejlawje Are you a sound sleeper? This your first survey ya read of mine, buck-o? In your opinion, which is more attractive, nice biceps or washboard abs? Uh I think I'm maybe more attracted to nice arms, idk. I'm not personally attracted to either at an extreme. How do you feel about bands that use pyrotechnics in live concerts? Rammstein is literally THE BAND that uses pyrotechnics like absolute madmen, so I legally have to support it, lmao. On a serious note though, be trained and qualified before messing with that shit. Why do you hate your ex? I don't. Does anybody hate you? Probably. Trust issues? I've got 'em, but I've actually come to notice that while they're very severe with some people, especially men, there are certain types of people I will trust VERY fast, mostly maternal women. If you were pregnant, who would you tell first? Mom in a panic or Girt, idk. I never wanna find out. Do you think that you’re good enough for the one you like? Nope. Did you speak to your father today? No. What is your father’s middle name? John. When was the last time you had alcohol? A very long time; I'm on some meds that react poorly with alcohol in the system, so. Last person of the opposite sex you gave a hug to? My nephew. Have you ever met anyone who claimed to be a witch? One of my half-sisters does. What’s the weirdest thing in your body that you can crack? Idk. Do you know anyone with asthma? My mom. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? No. Who was the best kisser you’ve ever dated? Jason or Girt, idk. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? Quite certain no. Are your siblings nice the majority of the time? Yes. Any other names your parents planned to give you? I seem to remember "Kathryn" being an option, but I'm not sure. Are you healthy? No. Like I'm not terribly ill, but my mental state isn't at all good and my body is FAR from the picture of health, too. Number of jeans in your closet: Literally zero. I haven't worn jeans since like, high school. Rihanna or Lady GaGa? Gaga. Which was the last book that really captivated you? The Handmaid's Tale. Do you prefer nail polish with sparkles in it, or matte colors? I don't wear any, but if I did, I'd choose matte. Have you ever had a teacher you got really close with? Oh yes, many. One is literally our landlord now and I think uh... bends the rules just so Mom and I have a house. Can you actually picture yourself getting married/having kids, or is that something that seems too distant in the future to imagine? Married, yes. Kids, no. I am just so NOT "together" enough to where the image of being a mom, never mind a good one, seems realistic. When’s the last time you spent time with your cousins? Many, many, many years. None of my cousins live anywhere near here. What’s your younger sibling’s name? Nicole. Do you have an idea of what kind of profession you’d like to have? Ideally, something artistic. Do you ever pick up your house phone? We haven't had a house phone in WELL over a decade. Is your sister a slut? None of them are. Do you ever think about what went wrong in your first relationship? Of course I do. That relationship changed my life. Him leaving literally traumatized me. If you had to get a piercing (not ears) what would you get? I want my nostril re-pierced. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be? Being taken, I wouldn't. I'm not gonna entertain the thought if I wasn't bc I would HOPE I still wouldn't. I take intimacy too seriously for that. If you woke up naked next to the last person you texted what would you say? That's my mother, I am absolutely not thinking of that. Ever been kissed under fireworks? No. How would you react if a doctor told you that you were infertile? I'd be fucking ecstatic. I feel kinda bad saying that, like I know a lot of people would kill to be fertile, but noooooooot me. Do you get along with your best friend’s parents? His mom is a lovely woman, but his dad passed many years ago. Honestly though, I uh, don't really like most of what I know of his father. Not because he seemed mean, just... not pleasant, either. Have you ever been in a relationship where you didn’t get along with the person’s parents? No. How many people of the opposite sex have you said "I love you" to? Two, romantically. The person you fell the hardest for says they never felt anything for you. What do you say? "You're full of shit." Who was the last person to tell you that they find you attractive? Girt. What was the last compliment you paid to someone of the opposite sex? I called my boyfriend handsome like... yesterday or so? How often do you listen to music? Music has been like... my life for two months or so now. I'm basically always listening to it. Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? No. Is the person you last texted single? Yes. Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without their shirt on? Yes. Is the last person you kissed mad at you? I don't see why he would be. Has the person you like ever made you upset? Yes. Scenario: If you were getting unwanted attention by some creeper, would the person you like stand up for you? He absolutely would. Does the person you like, know that you like them? He's very well aware, yes. When angry, do you get loud or quiet? Usually deathly quiet, but not always. Have you ever been in a secret relationship? We weren't an official couple, but yes. Have you ever danced in front of your mirror naked? Hunny I would rather die lmao. Are your grandparents still alive? No. Ever been in a car accident? Yes. I am thankful beyond all words that Mom's driving skill saved us from flipping over. If you got married to the last person you kissed would you be happy? I want to one day, so yes. Do you like any of Justin Bieber’s songs? I know literally none besides "Baby," and god knows I hated that fucking song. Do you believe saving your virginity for marriage or no? I'm not going to, but if you want to, cool. When you were a kid, did you ever like Barney? I did. Not at much as my older sister, though. When was the last time you kissed someone? It's been a few weeks. He's been busy, tired, and now sick. What’s the capital of wherever you live? Raleigh. Did you have any beer this past week? Beer is never, ever going in my mouth. It was my dad's drink of choice as an alcoholic and I don't even like smelling it. Have you ever had champagne? Did you like it? No. Do you like to cuddle? If I'm not hot, yes. Do you think you’ve changed over the past year? I feel I've matured some. When was the last time you talked to your grandmother? Maybe around like... two years ago or so when I last saw her when she and her shithead son stopped at a hotel to see us for a bit. She was in horrible condition. Ash's kids were supposed to meet her that day, but everyone decided against it when we saw JUST how basically already dead my grandmother was. The kids, Aubree especially, would have been very confused and scared, not understanding what was wrong with her. Have you ever phoned a sex hot line? LKJASLKDJFALK;WEJDLKAWJE OH MY GOOOOOOOOD GUYS when my sister and I + our neighbor were in our prank call phase as kids we accidentally called one SCREAMS Do you sleep with the door open or closed? Open. I have a cat; he never lets that door be shut, lol. Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? My SISTER'S friend, but she wasn't really mine. That was SO fuckin awkward, like I was just chilling on the computer I believe and then here these two are making out on the couch lmao When was the last time you saw your grandpa? Maternal: not since I was a baby, too young to even remember. Paternal: young child, also don't remember him. The last time you had sex, was it in their bed or yours? I've only ever been sexual with him in mine, I haven't even seen his room lmao. List one of your fears: Pregnancy. I've actually come to notice an even better umbrella fear is what I interpret as body horror, which to me, includes pregnancy because the stomach just... isn't supposed to look like that. I just don't like when something is abnormal with the body. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? Uh possibly, but I don't believe so. Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? Yes. When someone says “we need to talk” what runs through your mind? I immediately go through the mental list of all things potentially wrong I've done since birth lmao Have you ever lived with your girlfriend/boyfriend? Not my current bf. I kinda-sorta lived with an ex for a time, but I wasn't listed as an actual resident even though I technically should have been with how frequently I was there, to the point my dog even "moved" there with me. What do you think your significant other/crush likes the most about you? Hell if I know. What are your plans for tomorrow? I don't know. I'm really hoping to see Girt, but I don't know if he has work and if he's gonna be feeling well. Does your significant other/crush have any close female friends? If so, how do you feel about that? Have you ever felt jealous of them? I actually don't know, but I never hear him *talk* about other female friends. I'd be fine with him having them though. Have your parents ever told you stories about the day you were born? I just know there was an ice storm and that Mom was induced because I was pretty late. How long have you been using Tumblr? Many years, but to varying frequencies. Most recently I didn't touch my main blog for like... around a year or so, but now I use it regularly again because the Rammstein fanbase is pretty poppin', haha. Who was the last person that you introduced to your family? Holy cow, I don't think I've introduced a new person to someone in my family since Tyler to Mom. Your period is a few days late… are you worried? Bro my period is WILDLY late because of med changes and stuff, and I'm not at all worried because being pregnant is physically impossible for me rn. I worry about it for the future though, just because I am SUCH a worry-wart and off-sync menstruating is not at all rare for me. Do you know all the words to the last song you listened to? BIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA Does your significant other/crush like chocolate? Sure, but he doesn't eat it a lot. He's really particular about eating healthy. Can your significant other/crush sing? He's a wonderful singer, yeah. Have you ever seen your father cry? I've seen him tear up only once in my life, talking to Mom about his mom's funeral. Who was the last person you added as a friend on Facebook? How do you know that person? Chelsey, my brother's wife. I haven't actually met her, but she seems like a lovely woman.

#lyrics: ''zick zack'' by rammstein #survey #surveys #random questions #random surveys

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impossiblelibrary · 3 years

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Today's rant brought to you by: Queer Eye Japan, can we all just try to be as kind as they try to be?

After watching the Queer Eye Japan super short season, I wanted to google to see the overall reaction to the show, make sure that my western eyes were correct in seeing the care that was given to the culture. Were cultural taboos, other than being outwardly gay, crossed? So I find this article in the top results and other than the perspective, why tho? Tokyoesque.com had an article with a higher reading level, with surface level appreciation but at least better written.

I can't get over this hate article though. Unfounded, dumb, wrong and incorrect. Do not go forward unless you like that blistering kind of anger from me.

But the reasons just get weaker as the article extends: "Hurts the country it set out to save?" Looking for white savior much? They did not go to save Japan, they gave some free shit to like 4-5 people, think smaller.

Their culture guide wasn't gay enough.

You want to suggest any lgbt insta models or celebrities, use your platform to raises some up?

"There is a growing sexless culture in Japan for married and unmarried people, and it is perilous watching Queer Eye present this without any context behind what is driving this behavior."

Sexiness is what the fab 5 embrace, unfortunately and it was probably discussed behind the scenes of how much talking about sex was allowed or polite and the conversation of not having sex is closer to the tip of the tongue rather than the feeling of sexiness. The West is not the ones blasting that information. It is across multiple Japanese printed newspapers and online stories by now and the "context" is still being discussed and debated amongst Japanese. So I don't think any outsiders should be weighing in or "explaining" this phenomenon. We can repeat what we have been told but guessing at the reasons is not our place. The reasons illustrated by the author of the article seem lacking, a take but not the only one, but who am I to speak on that being in a sexual relationship with someone who pulls from that culture?

Kiko begins to lecture Yoko-san on how she “threw away her womanhood” (referring to a Japanese idiom, onna wo suteru) by going makeup-free and wearing drab, shapeless clothes.

The mistranslation by the subtitles fixed by this author was necessary information. But Kiko didn't lecture her on it, it was brought up by Yoko before any of them arrived, that was her theme, that was what she had decided to focus on. Meanwhile, if you watched Jonathan, he understood there was no time to spend on makeup and skincare so provided her a one instrument, 3 points of color on the skin to feel prettier. That and the entire episode being the 5 treating her like a woman on a date, not trying to hook her up, which is what they did in American eps.

"In teaching a Japanese woman, who already struggles to find time for herself, how to make an English recipe, Antoni is making great TV and nothing more."

So Antoni shouldn't have taught her apple pie because it's too exotic for a Japanese woman. (Can you smell the sexism?)

He didn't make an apple pie, altho Yoko did mention her mother made that for her when she was a kid. He made an apple tartine after going to a Japanese bakery who makes that all the time. Then highlighted the apples came from Fuji in true Japanese media fashion. Honey, American television doesn't usually highlight where the ingredients come from. A Japanese producer told him to do that. So all worries handled within the same ep. She got Japanese ingredients, had the recipe shown to her and then made it for her friends in her own house. Did the author actually watch this show or nah?

"beaten over the head with his western self-help logic. “You have to live for yourself,” he says."

The style of build up the 5 went for was confrontational but in a "I'm fighting for you" way. It's hard to describe, but the best I can say is, a person has multiple voices in their head, from parents, siblings, society, and maybe themselves. By being loud and obnoxious, American staples right there, they are adding one more voice. You deserve this, you are amazing, you are worth it. I know this is against most Japanese cultural modesty, but maybe it shouldn't be.

Sarcasm lies ahead:

Apparently: mispronunciation is microaggressions, not just someone who had a sucky school system. Yea okay, They're laughing at the language not at how stumbling these monolinguals are with visiting another country. Mmhm. Japanese don't say I love you and don't touch and that should stay that way instead of maybe, once in awhile, feeling like they can hug. Yeah, let's just ignore Yoko's break down that she had never hugged her lifelong friend after hugging strangers multiple times. Maid cafes are never sexualized in Japan ever, just don't go down that one street in Akihabara where the men are led off by the hand sheepishly blushing. Gag me. And Japanese men love to cry in front of their wives and would never break down once the wife leaves. I have never seen a Japanese movie showcase that move. Grr.

"I identify as many cultures."

So you're a Japanese man when it's convenient for you to get an article published? Are you nationally Japanese or just ethnically or culturally?

Homeland is an inherently racist word?

"After the Bush administration created the Department of Homeland Security after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, a Republican consultant and speechwriter Peggy Noonan urged, “the name Homeland Security grates on a lot of people, understandably. Homeland isn’t really an American word, it’s not something we used to say or say now.”

Yes, let's use a Washington Post article rather than a etymology professor. Yes, the google search results increased after 2001 Homeland Security was used but the word has been around since the 1660s and I've read multiple turn of the century lit on white people returning to their homeland, i.e. the town off the coast they were born in.

"But" is not disagreeing. I think the repeated offender for the author is the not acknowledging the makeover-ees feelings. But, that is how LGBT have decided to deal with the inner voices that invade from society. They are just that, not our own, they are the influence of society, and we can choose, we have to choose, to be influenced by someone, anyone else.

Karamo can't speak about being black when an Asian is speaking about being Asian, even though the Asian gay man was feeling alone. It's called relating bitches, and I'm done with people saying that is redirecting the conversation, it's extending the conversation. That's how we talk, the spotlight is shared, especially when someone's about to cry and doesn't want to be seen as crying, time to turn the spotlight.

The gay monk wasn't good enough, you should have invited the gay politician.

Yeah, causes I'm sure a politician has all the time in the world for a quick stint and cry. They picked a Japanese monk who travels to NY because they had a guest who travels to the West too. Did you want him to stop traveling back and forth? Did you want a pure, ethnic and cultural Japanese gay man who has no ties to the west to talk to this Western educated young man? Seriously?

This is just not how it works in Japan.

Being in a multi-cultural marriage between two rebels, discussions on facets of culture are plenty in my household. Culture should be respected enough to be considered but not held on a pedestal like we should never adjust or throw some things out. LGBT being quiet and private for instance. "Being seen" was Jonathan's advice, and a good one especially for a Japanese gay man that was called feminine since he was a kid. Some gay men can hide, but as Jonathan said, he couldn't hide what he was, he couldn't hide this. So fuck it. Don't hide. It's actually more dangerous for a feminine man to come off as anxious rather than gay and proud. It makes you more of a target if they think you won't fight back. Proud means, Imma throw hands too, bitch.

This is also from the civil rights playbook going back to Black America: never hold a protest or a fight without the cameras, without being seen. LGBT have found the more seen they are, in media, in the streets, the better off we are. When LGBT Americans were being "private" about our lifestyles, we died, a la 1980s. They won't care if you start dying off if they never saw you to begin with.

And hence why I think the author's real anger is from these 5 being seen dancing flamboyantly in Shibuya, in Harajuku, afforded the privilege of doing this safely because of their tourist status, cameras and very low violence rate in Tokyo, loud and obnoxiously. Honestly, they wouldn't have been invited or nominated if they didn't want that brash American-ness coming into their home, just for a taste, at least.

Here's my real anger, my own jealousy: Japan's queer community currently does not have marriage or adoption rights. US does, so we have progressed further. But we are also not that many years from being tied to cow fences with barbed wire, beaten with baseball bats and left for dead overnight. If things are so bad over there, maybe take a few pages from the civil right playbook we took so much time to perfect and produced by the Black Americans who fought first. But so far, I only hear loss of jobs and marriages, which we still have here too. Stop trying to divide us, we are one community, LGBT around the world and we are here to try to help. Take it or leave it, it's not like we're going to go organize your own Pride parade for you.

Rant over? I guess. Is this important enough to be put in the google results along with his. Hell no, anyone with half a mind can see he's reaching more than half the time. And any argument about: this wasn't covered! There are a shit ton of conversations that are not covered in the 45 min they have. They are not a civil rights show, it's a makeover show, doing their best in that direction anyway. Know what it is.

Next blog post, what research I would guess was happening behind the scenes for each of the 5? I'm pretty sure I saw Jonathan doing Japanese style makeup there...

#queer eye #Queer eye Japan #original #rant

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darylandbethfanforever9 · 3 years

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Devil’s Backbone

Devil’s Backbone

Chapter 5

Story Rating: Explicit, 18+

Warnings: Smut, violence, past flashbacks of sexual assault, descriptions o torture, racial hate and forced abortion. Not Tony Stark friendly.

Relationships: Bucky/OC, Steve/Natasha, Billy/Wanda/Grant, past Clint/Laura, eventual Clint/Yelena and Frank/Karen.

Summary: In the aftermath of the Blip, Bucky struggled to find his place among the world and the Avengers. However, when he is sent on a mission to Madripoor to investigate a young woman, he starts to realize that maybe his past isn’t too far behind him. Co-Written with WalkingPotterGirl14

Nat was acting weird. Clint usually was a very noticeable guy. He may be the man that never misses, but he was also the man that could read people like a book. And right now, Nat was acting very much not like herself, even with her usual stoic face.

He felt like she was hiding something from him and Laura, which made him conflicted. He knew Natasha's past with the Red Room was horrific, but she was keeping something secret, and had been on the phone to a woman last night. She usually never went on calls late at night. Sighing, he texted Laura to let her know that he was alright and that the kids were settling into school. After Tony had exposed their location to Thaddeus Ross, he'd had to move them to the outskirts of New York. He frowned when he saw Natasha in the conference room, running the facial recognition software. The tech had been created by Pym Industries and X-Con Security Consultants, as Stark Industries' facial recognition software was for more expensive and didn't always work. "What are you doing, Nat?" he asked quietly. Natasha ignored him as he entered the room. She was reading a file that was in Russian. "Trying to find out who this mysterious woman is, Clint. Steve isn't exactly talking to me right now, so I have to do this on my own," she answered harshly, causing him to grimace at her answer. Steve and Natasha's relationship had become strained after she had survived Voromir and revealed that she had been pregnant. Then she had suddenly broken up with Steve, devastating the man. He knew how much Steve loved Natasha. He'd been a shell of himself after Natasha had supposedly died. The man was far more guarded now and simply kept things civil with Natasha. "You should have told him, Nat. He loves you and it clearly shows in the way that he looks at you," he argued firmly, trying to understand why Natasha was acting this way. Natasha refused to acknowledge Clint's words. She knew Steve loved her, but she just didn't feel like she wanted children. She was upset that she had miscarried, but she hadn't been sad in the same manner as Steve had been.

Ana had gotten ready for Sharon's art gallery. She had decided to wear a red dress for tonight made with red satin and had a V-neck. It would partially show the faded burns on her chest, but no one would hardly notice them. She didn't like thinking about the burns, or the agony they had caused. It was better to just forget about it. She finished applying her makeup, adding some eyeliner and grabbed her handbag. She had put a knife in there, along with her cell phone and lipstick, before heading out. The car was waiting for her outside the building, and with a quiet smile, it drove her across High Town to where Sharon lived.

Bucky had left Sharon’s after a little but to head back and get ready for the real art show tonight. While he did, he had memorized everything for the mission, including his backstory and the reason as to why he was in Madripoor, looking at himself in the mirror. He'd showered, and let some slight stubble grow on his face for tonight. He was wearing a black blazer, black trousers, and a black shirt. He nodded to himself as he left the bedroom and said goodbye to Alpine. The cat meowed at him affectionately, before going to sit on the bottom of the cat bed. He'd made sure that no one would be able to break into the house, using the security system to its best advantage for heading out. He left his place after making sure he had everything that he needed, including his gun, a knife, and keys. He walked to the motorcycle, getting on, and quietly drove to Sharon's house.

The party was in full swing when Ana arrived at the house. She smiled at Conrad, who had already arrived and was with his girlfriend. He raised a glass to her from the corner as she approached. Sharon was showing a client some beautiful paintings as she wandered around, admiring the art gallery. She was about to ask Sharon about a Van Gough painting when a strange silence fell over the room as most eyes headed towards the door. Curiously, she turned around to see a young man with short dark brown hair, dressed in clothes that made it clear he was part of the Russian Mafia. Her brow raises in surprise. His eyes though were what caught her attention. They were a dark grey, like a wolf's eyes. She couldn't shake off the feeling…that they had met before but where? No, no way. She hadn't met anyone like that. Or at least…her memory sucked. "Everyone, this is one of my clients who has come from Moscow, Russian. His name is Yakov Surkov," Sharon said calmly, introducing the man, who nods. Ana got the sense that this man was dangerous. "He's a Russian mobster," Conrad whispers to her discreetly as they turned back around. "He doesn't do the usual Mafia stuff, but he sells weapons to resistance groups who fight dictators." She raised an eyebrow at his words, watching the man intently as he walked up to the bar to get a drink. She wasn't surprised when he ordered a Ruskova vodka to drink. The party returned to normal quickly after, with many people returning to what they had been doing. She excused herself from Conrad, whispering that one of the paintings he was looking at would be hers to which he laughed, and sat at the bar contently. She enjoys her glass of red wine, when she got the sense that someone was watching her. She glances up and feels herself smile when her eyes dance across the room at Yakov, who had been looking directly at her. Without breaking contact, he downs his drink before standing, walking over to her. Ah, a man of confidence, she could see. However, as he moved closer, a weird sense of peace settled over her. Conrad had told her who he was, what he did, but coming over to her, she didn't feel fear. In fact, his eyes almost felt familiar. It was such a strange sensation. But even so, she didn't let it show on her face. "You came over her nice and quick," she remarks, her brow raising. "Almost like you're on a mission." "What can I say? When I see something, I like, I know what I want." Okay, now that brought some colour to her cheeks. He was smooth. "For a Russian man, your English is very good." "I've been around them enough in the past for me to know. Takes some practice but you learn to work with it well." He reaches out and holds her hand, bringing it to his lips in a kiss. "Yakov Survok." Oof, he was pulling out all the stops. She couldn't remember the last time she had been treated with such respect from a single man. Surely not of this year, that's for sure. However, she still had her smarts ahead of her, and knew that it wouldn't be too brilliant if she gave out her regular name. So, she instead smiles and states back another name. "Maria Kapitonova. It's a pleasure to meet you." He lowers her hand again, smiling. "A pleasure to meet you as well." He glances around and gestures to this. "You been going to this for some time? I've never seen you around." "You've been here before?" "Couple of occasions," Yakov states quietly. "Usually for business reasons, but I've been to Sharon's a couple of times, trying to find the right piece for back home. However, I recently decided to move here all together." Ah, so he was in the area? Good to know. "To be honest, I haven't been here that often," she states lightly. "I only just recently showed up in the city…had some high friends in some good places so they got me into this big shindig. Sharon is a nice woman…smart one too." "That she is," he agrees before raising an eyebrow at her. "So, you're new to Madripoor?" "I am, yes." "Well, obviously you do know the city…isn't necessarily safe." Ana chuckles a bit. "Trust me, I know. But I think it was exactly what I needed. A change of scenery. Last place I was in was far too cold." The man snickers a bit. "I've heard that the summers in Madripoor are beautiful. I look forward to it." She looks back at him. "Then why did you move here?"

"As you said. A change of scenery," he agrees lightly. "It can be quite cold in Russia too." Ana smiles a bit and nods. "That is true…I've been there as well. All over the world. It's almost like people, in a way." At his furrowed brow, she continues. "Every person has warm and cold parts in a way. When you're close to someone, you get to see their warm parts, but if you anger them, the cold parts emerge, as vicious as ever. But even in the cold you can find warmth sometimes, and coldness withing the warmth – if that makes any sense." She found herself chuckling at the end. "I'm sorry. Maybe the wine is getting to me." Yakov chuckles before shaking his head. "No, I…I get it, really." He glances at the ground. "God knows I've had my fair share encounter with warm and cold places within me." Ana could see a bit of a fight in his eyes, glancing at the ground. He clearly had some sort of past, and for a moment, she forgets that they were practically strangers and reaches out, squeezing his arm. It causes him to look up. "We all do. That's the beauty of people. They're complex and wonderful in every way. If you're not willing to accept all parts of someone, then why even try?" That causes him to smile as well, although this one was smaller. "That is true…a beautiful statement for a beautiful woman." Ana rolls her eyes. "Now you're just saying that." "I mean it," he argues back, but there was a certain twinkling in his eyes that had her smiling. She takes the last sip of her wine, standing. "Well…thank you, Yakov." She clears her throat, remembering that she wasn't here to flirt with men. She needed to focus on actually getting the art she needed. "I have to use the restroom, but after that I plan to peruse the art here. Do you want to join me?" "I'd love to," he answers back with a smile. "Good," she responds back, offering her own grin before turning around, grabbing her purse, and heading to the restroom. Jeez, she hadn't felt something like that in…God knows how long. She wondered what Yakov had to offer her. Maybe being friends with a mafia man would benefit her greatly.

God-fucking-damn, she was gorgeous. As soon as Bucky had arrived back at Sharon's place for this whole party she was throwing for the art, she had directed him directly to where the mystery woman she knew was sitting at the bar. And while Bucky of course followed up on her and began to talk to her, trying to learn her name – Maria, of all things, but he knew that was most likely a front – and all about her for his own case, he couldn't deny the beauty that she had.

She had the most beautiful eyes that he had ever seen, a light grey that he compared to opals. She had wavy dark brown hair that was almost black but had a mahogany colour. She was tall, but barely reached his height. The red silk dress flattered her figure and emphasized the curves she had. He noticed a few men were watching her as she left for the restroom, her hair glowing in the disco lights. She was most certainly a looker, that was for sure. "Enjoying the party, Yakov?" a voice asked with amusement. He turned around to see Sharon had come over to the bar, and had ordered herself a Piña colada, eying the drink that he was drinking. "It's enjoyable, Miss Carter. And I just met the delightful Maria Kapitonova. She's a charming young woman," he answered smoothly as he saw a young woman with blonde curly hair enter the art gallery and go to the restroom. "That she is. She's friendly with Conrad Mack, the Smiling Tiger, Melissa Gold who is known as Songbird and two hackers called Polina Astakhova and Evan Drake. She's making a name for herself in this city - plus she's laid down some ground rules for everyone," Sharon said impressed. After a moment however, she turns him around, looking at him carefully. "Be careful, Bucky. She's not like most of the people who live here but she's dangerous. She's killed at least three folks who didn't abide by the new rules," she said warningly. Before he could reply, Maria returned from the restroom, her bag in her hands. "I'd love to see the new art collection you've acquired. Sharon, I heard from Conrad and Melissa that you have some art nouveau pieces?" Maria asked curiously. She'd loved the art nouveau art and architecture. Bucky takes her up on that. "I'd like to see this art collection as well, Sharon. I have a deep fondness for Art Deco, and Art Nouveau style," Bucky added, genuinely interested. Sharon smiled, as she showed them the collection upstairs, moving along gracefully through the halls until they arrived where it was. Bucky admired the paintings on the wall, knowing fully well that these paintings and sculptures were the real deal. Most of the paintings and sculptures in the museums and art galleries, including the Louvre, were elaborate fakes. "I'll take those and some of your Asian Art collection as well, Sharon," he answered smoothly, handing her a wad of cash in Russian ruble. She smiled at him as she took it. "You have great taste," she mutters to him, to which he chuckles. Both of them saw Maria admiring the one of the paintings on the wall, before she turns to Sharon. "I'd like to buy this and a few other pieces," she said softly. Sharon smiled and arranged to have them sent to her house, as well as Bucky's place.

The party continued going on in their absence. Bucky noticed that some people were smoking marijuana. He didn't have a problem with people taking it. He knew Leah smoked the painkiller to help relive her back pain she'd gotten from a car accident during the Decimation. It had nearly paralyzed her. He glanced up at the grandfather clock to see the time and was astonished to see it was 2:30 AM in the morning. He saw a young woman with silver hair that had pink highlights at the front, and she came over to greet Maria. So she was using an alias to keep her real identity a secret? On that he didn't blame her. If Thaddeus Ross found out that there was another survivor of the Red Room aside from Natasha and Yelena, then things would get ugly. He would check in with Steve, Sam, and Wanda along with the others tomorrow. He went to say goodbye to Sharon and Maria, and found them talking to Conrad Mack, his girlfriend Jeannette and Melissa. "You heading off, Yakov?" Conrad asked amused. The Russian mobster had a cat that he was fiercely protective of. God help the idiot who tried to hurt it. They'd have the White Wolf hunting them down, like John Wick. "Tired from the flight. The party was wonderful Sharon. And it was lovely to meet you, Maria," he said smoothly, kissing Sharon on the left cheek. She flushed, chuckling a bit. Deep down Bucky hoped Sam wouldn't get upset about that. He knew there was something brewing between the two. He smiled at Maria, shaking her hand. He could smell her perfume from where he was. It smelt of lilies, red roses, and cherry blossoms. "I hope to see you again, Yakov," Maria said softly. He smiled at her as he watched her go inside and got onto his bike before taking off.

Steve, Sam, Wanda, Clint and T'Challa were in the conference room with Fury looking over the photos. They had been taken by Bucky when he had been at Sharon's art gallery. "Ok, so I've identified most of the guests at the party. Conrad Mack also known as the Smiling Tiger, was there with his fiancé, Jeanette Deveraux. Now, believe it or not, his criminal record isn't that bad. He sells marijuana to people on low incomes, and he is an arms dealer, but he sells weapons to Algeria, where there is a civil war going on due to the former prime minister coming back and trying to make a dictatorship," Amy explained patiently. "What about the chick with the gorgeous breasts and pink highlights? Did our Manchurian Candidate I.D. her as well?" Tony asked rudely, causing most of the team to stare at him in disgust at his cruel jibe towards Bucky. "Stark, don't call Bucky that. It's insensitive and unkind," Sam said firmly, before Steve could speak in defense of his friend. Tony had becoming very unkind towards Bucky since he had joined the Avengers. Tony started laughing at Sam's words, an expression of disbelief, contempt and disgust on his face. "Oh I'm sorry, Wilson - or wait is it Captain America? You think I shouldn't be unkind and insensitive to the bastard who strangled my mother to death and is the reason the team broke up?!" he shouted angrily, slamming his fist on the table. The piece of furniture rattled violently, and Peter squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. "It wasn't Bucky's fault, Mr. Stark. He is as much as a victim of HYDRA as were your parents," T'Challa said compassionately, but firmly to the man. "I don't care. He killed my goddamn mother! Because of Barnes and the man who I call father, I lost my mother, and Rogers had the nerve not to tell me!" Tony raged, his face turning red with anger. "When could I tell you, Tony?" Steve asks. "I didn't know if Zola was telling the truth at the bunker, and everything was a mess. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, sooner. Truly, I am. But you wouldn't answer my calls after retiring from the Avengers and the Accords happened," he reasoned calmly, trying to keep his temper. "Barnes should be rotting in the Raft or be fucking dead. He's a murdering, sociopathic bastard who ruined my life! He's the reason why Morgan doesn't have a grandmother!" Steve's hands turn to fists, but he refuses to yell. He wouldn't stoop so low as to lose his temper. So instead, he stands, aiming at him. "You don't think that Bucky feels that every day? You don't think he hasn't apologized and tried to make amends with every damn person he's hurt in the past? If anything, you don't even have the right to talk, because you've had so many people that you have hurt in the past as well. Do you deserve to be rotting away?" "You want to know everything I've done for this organization? For this country? I know that we've hurt others and we've tried to redeem that by singing the Accords and trying to make things right! Barnes was a literal psychopath that, just because we choose to believe what the Wakandans did, he's out there right now just living when he could snap at any moment!" T'Challa raises an eyebrow. "Are you questioning the power of Wakandan technology?"

Tony sighs and raises a hand to T'Challa. "I have nothing against you or your power, your highness. Your tech is great. My issue is with the current former assassin that is on the streets!"

"Will you two sit down!" Fury snaps angrily, causing the two of them to let out a puff of anger before doing so. "I know that you two don't get along but for the love of God get your damn selves together, because if don't figure out what is going on, then we might have another fucking breach." He angrily waves his hand. "Tony, the rest of your team head out and do a bit more research on Madripoor. Steve, called up Barnes and get more info. And when we get back, you two act like fucking adults."

"Yes, sir," was a collective muttered response.

Steve saw Tony glare at him before getting up, heading out with the others. Steve goes to talk to him but feels someone reach out to him, and he turns to see Wanda, shaking her head.

"It's not worth it," she says softly.

Steve sighs before running a hand along the back of his head, and turning around. "You're right." He looks to Sam and Wanda, who then he nods towards the meeting room. "Let's go call up Bucky."

#bucky barnes fanfiction #dark bucky barnes/oc #eventual dark bucky barnes #bucky barnes/original female character #steve rogers/natasha romanoff

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trixie-pixie · 3 years

Text

every perfect summer's eating me alive (until you're gone)

Jan has never understood the feeling of love before, not until now, when she’s driving through the city streets with her best friend at 1 AM, singing along to Madonna’s discography that’s playing so loud she could feel rather than hear her voice breaking. Jackie wasn’t a singer by any means, but she’s always indulged the blonde- especially on late summer nights like this when they know they don’t have too many chances to do this again. The air outside is cool with the light breeze of a late August night, but inside the car, Jan feels nothing but warmth and pure love as the end of Madonna’s Like A Prayer faded out.

Jan lets out a giggle as the car suddenly became far too quiet for her liking. Jackie smiles at her in the mirror, not willing to take her eyes off the road but still giving her a look that makes warmth bloom in Jan’s chest, and not just from the slightly excessive amounts of alcohol she’s drunk at the party they’re on their way back from. Jackie had been happy, as always, to be a designated driver, so long as Jan had a good time and got home safe.

“I love this.” Jan says, matter-of-factly. “I love this so much. I love you so much. I just love being alive.”

Jackie chuckled at her best friends excited rambling. “I love you too, Janessa-” Jan could never control her smile when she heard that. “What’s going on in that pretty little head?”

Jan is silent for a moment, ignoring Jackie’s teasing tone. She’s feeling thoughtful (and more than a little bit drunk), and the question just tumbles out of her mouth.

“Do you think you’ll ever fall in love?”

Jackie laughs before realizing that Jan is stone cold serious. The blonde is looking at her like her answer could change the world, like it’s the only thing she’s ever needed or wanted.

She pauses to think for a moment, and Jan thinks that it’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. Jackie’s dark brown curls are pulled back behind her head, but the stubborn ones continue to fall around her face, refusing to be brushed away. She’s wearing a hoodie over the short black dress she had worn to the party, and Jan envies her for being smart enough to remember one. Jackie looks warm, but it might just be because Jackie is warmth personified. From her smile, to her deep chuckle, to the way she can always warm up Jan’s perpetually cold hands, Jackie is warmth.

“I don’t know-” Jackie says quietly, and Jan is intrigued. “How should I?”

“What do you mean you don’t know? How could you not?” Jan shouts, as if Jackie’s answer is the craziest thing she’s ever heard.

“I don’t even think I know what love is supposed to feel like! I mean, I understand liking someone, but I’ve never fallen in love with someone- not real love, at least,” Jan nods along with Jackie’s words, absorbing them like they’re scripture. “What about you, Jannifer? Any plans to abandon me with the hunk of your dreams?”

Jan cackles at that. “God, I have no clue-” She admits. Jackie laughs along with her, and soon their giggles fill the car, louder than the now-forgotten music.

“How could you make fun of me for not knowing when you have the exact same answer! You’re such a hypocrite!” Jackie exclaims, and the girls burst into another fit of giggles, thankful that they’re at a red light because Jackie definitely wouldn’t have been able to pay attention to the road if they had been moving.

“I don’t know, I guess I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like either!” She laughs, but quickly her tone sobers. “I don’t know if it’s supposed to be like the movies- I’ve never looked at a boy and felt… like that. I’ve never had those butterflies for a boy. It just feels weird, honestly.”

“I feel that,” Jackie replies earnestly. “But it’ll come. Definitely for you, Jan, I mean, look at you. Anyone who wouldn’t date you is an idiot. But there’s a boy out there for you, I know it.”

“Yeah,” Jan replies, and that was that.

She feels unnerved at Jackie’s comment- was it that talking about the L-word made her nervous? Or was it the compliment that is making her feel awkward? Jan shakes it off- it’s most likely the alcohol in her system that’s making her feel off. She smiles as Jackie parked a few doors down from Jan’s house, making it easier for her to sneak back in after being out far later than she should be.

She thanks Jackie for the ride and hugs her tight across the console. Jackie stops her just as she’s about to shut the door.

“Wait, I have news,” Jackie sounded both nervous and excited, and Jan perks up at this, forgetting about her previous discomfort.

“Wait, what? Tell me! I need to hear!”

Jackie let out a nervous chuckle. “Well, uh, speaking of boys-” She started. “D’you know Cody? From school?”

Jan knows Cody- he’s a nice guy. A weird art kid with a mullet that could rival any 80’s boy band, but a nice guy nonetheless. They’ve never exchanged more than a few words, but he’s never been anything but kind. So why does Jan feel bile rising in her throat?

“Of course I know him- what about Cody?” She responds, attempting to hide the discomfort that is quickly returning. Her fists clench, trying to ignore the blood rushing in her ears.

“Well-” Jackie begins, trailing off.

“Well?” Jan pushes. She knows what’s coming- she knows what her best friend is about to say. She knows that her reaction has to be perfect, even if all she wants to do at the thought is cry. Why is she so upset?

“He asked me on a date-” Jackie blurts out, and Jan does everything in her power not to let her face fall. The cool summer air has turned frigid, and Jan feels freezing cold and suddenly sober.

“-I said yes!”

And that’s how Jan’s night ends with her puking on the neighbours lawn at 1 AM.

---

“Holy shit, Jan, are you okay?”

“I’m fine-” she hiccups. “Just had too much to drink. I’m sorry.”

Jackie looks worried- Jan almost never throws up from alcohol. Even when she gets absolutely wasted, Jan is usually the one to just sleep it off.

“Are you sure? You aren’t feeling extra tired or weak or anything?” Jackie lists off symptoms, and Jan reassures her.

“God, no, I promise I’m fine. Just nauseous- I’ll drink some water and sleep it off. I promise.”

Jackie’s expression softens, and she hugs Jan.

“Text me when you get home safe, yeah?” Jan confirms. Jackie nods into her shoulder.

“You’ll probably be passed out by then, but I will. Make sure you take care of yourself, alright? I love you.”

Jan feels immediately guilty at the expression- Jackie has told her she loves her a million times, but this time, her stomach sinks, and it definitely isn’t due to the alcohol. She simply nods and smiles, not being able to force a response out of her mouth. She gives the brunette one last squeeze before she goes and attempts to sneak back in her house without her parents noticing.

They don’t, of course. Jan learned from the best- the best being her three older brothers, who got caught enough times to teach their baby sister exactly what not to do. Jan was just as much of a troublemaker as the boys, maybe even more at times, but with a dazzling smile and her sweet mannerisms, she could get away with just about anything.

Jan sneaks into her room without incident, making sure to get herself a large glass of water on the way. She feels exhaustion rooting itself in her bones- nearly enough to neglect taking her makeup off before crawling into bed. Keyword being nearly- she may have had a long night, but Jan is not about to take it out on her skin.

She drags herself to the bathroom- her feet are aching from her uncomfortable heels and her head is pounding from her current state, but she makes it there. Right as she goes to grab her face cloth, her phone lights up with a flurry of messages from Jackie.

1:16 AM

Jackie 💜: made it home!!! get some sleep ily

Jackie 💜: i’ll call u after the date tmw

Jackie 💜: i’d get u to help me get ready before but ur gonna be sleeping til noon after drinking that much

Jackie 💜: wish me luck!!!! ilysm babyyyy

It’s at that moment that Jan bursts into tears.

She doesn’t know why she’s so angry at the thought of Jackie going out with Cody- it’s not like Jackie belongs to her. But in a way, she does. Jackie is hers. Jackie has been her best friend since middle school- she’s seen Jan through tears of pain and joy, she’s held Jan’s hands during pre-soccer game pep talks and pre-show encouragements. She’s held Jan close to her chest on some of her worst nights, and Jan has done the same for her. The thought of her best friend in someone else’s arms is almost too much to handle, and Jan sinks to the floor. Jackie is hers- not some stupid boy’s from English class.

Every time she thinks about stupid Cody and his stupid smile, it feels like another knife wound to her heart. She just wants to crawl into bed and be alone- not alone. She wants to be with Jackie. Jackie, the only person able to talk Jan down from her drunken meltdowns. Jackie, who is the only person that Jan would want to talk to about this, and is the only person she can’t.

Jackie. Her Jackie.

Jan falls asleep that night wearing a hoodie stolen from a certain brunette and with tear stains on her pillowcase.

#rpdr #rpdr fic #rpdr fanfic #rpdr fanfiction #jackie cox #jan sport #jankie #jankie fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #drag race fic #drag race fanfic #drag race fanfiction #jankie fic #jankie fanfiction

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eddie-redmayne-italian-blog · 4 years

Text

Eddie's interview from Style Magazine

By Valentina Ravizza

Photo: Boo George

Styling by Fabio Immediato.

Translate by me from Italian to English

HE WOULD HAVE had to spend the holiday in Italy,” I have a real obsession for your country “,Eddie Redmayne responds from a gray London,” more suited to my pale complexion”, and tells for the first time (and I try to collect my own thoughts) of his next character, the American activist Tom Hayden, protagonist of the protests against the Vietnam war in 1968 and 77e trial of the Chicago 7, the new film by Aaron Sorkin, arriving on Netflix from October 16. "Democracy is something extraordinarily beautiful and complex, nothing comes easily, we must defend our freedoms if we don't want them to be taken away from us."

It can be risky for an actor to take a public position, Aren't you afraid to undermine your popularity?

“The truth is, I'm not afraid to take sides, we all should. I feel a social responsibility as a human being: today more than ever we should ask politicians certain questions. I'm not one who particularly likes to take risks unless it's for something I deeply believe in.”

For exemple?

To play Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything I met several people affected by ALS and doctors who helped me to learn more about the disease, and now I am among the supporters of the Motor Neurone Disease Association. During the lockdown in Britain was made a list of vulnerable people and I found it shocking that patients with motor neuron disease were not part of it, so I spoke to several politicians and went to help them. As an actor my voice has more chances to be heard and I can bring more light on this topics, I have to do it.

Also politicians as in the case of The Trial of Chicago 7?

This film tells how we got rights by changing wrong laws and remember that progress could have gone in one direction rather than another.

Is there any similarity between the protests of the 1960s and those of movements such as Black Lives Matter ?

There are moments in history when people ask for society to really represent them and that's exactly what happened then and what many people are doing in these months. The demonstrations mentioned in the movie were against the Vietnam war, but also supported the claims of the civil rights and feminist movements, the one against which they are protesting today has it’s roots in systemic racism, so the similarities are many.And there are also several other parallels between the two political situations: at the 1968 Democratic convention there was a former vice president, Hubert H. Humphrey, right-hand man of Lyndon Johnson, who ran for the White House, as today former Vice President Joe Biden is in running, and there was a Republican candidate for president who was betting for “law and order” , then it was Richard Nixon, now the same campaign is being carried out by Donald Trump.

Today there is social media, what would have happened if Tom Hayden and the others from Chicago had it?

Hard to say, myself I don't use them . While they represent a great tool of democracy that gives everyone a voice from the shore to power, they also contribute to exacerbate and amplify the falsehoods and prejudices of those who listen only to what they want to hear, in a sort of echo chamber, and they can be used to manipulate things in a very pervasive way.

Is it more difficult to play a figure you esteem like Hayden or one you despise?

I try not to judge, to dissociate my sense of reality to recreate hers. I do as much research as possible, accumulating a lot of information and then throwing everything away and play only what's in the script, hoping that all the prep work has been absorbed somehow into my body, And knowing that that movie will never be. a documentary: I am creating a painting, not a photograph. For this I must accept that I will never be able to be exactly that person, that in something I will necessarily fail.

And when the character is a pure author’s Fantasy product?

It’s like when you were told at school to make a free written essay: I hated it, I said “please, give me a lead!”, In these cases I try first of all to understand what the boundaries are, to find some elements of truth: for example, in the saga of the Fantastic Beasts to become the "Magizoologist" Newt Scamander I started by observing the work of zoologists.

How is it divided between entertainment and committed movies?

In my choices I have always let myself be guided by instinct: I read a script that my body reacts, I get excited, I laugh, I am touched to the point of seeing myself in the role of that and than understand that I really have to do it.

Did the same happen with Tom Hayden?

They first told me about it three years ago while I was on vacation in Morocco, when told me it was Sorkin who wanted me it was like a dream come true. I read the script and it not only ran , but it had a kind of syncopated rhythm I immediately loved it. Then when I got better informed about the project, I found out that it had been written years ago and I couldn't believe he hadn't seen the light yet.

In fact, the first draft is from 2007.

We wondered if this movie had an audience, if it was current enough.Instead with what’s going it has become more and more pressing

So much so that in order to release it this year, given the health emergency Paramount Pictures has decided to sell the film to Netflix (56 millions of dollars) to be distributed directly via streaming.

There could be no better way than Netflix to reach as many people as possible. And I say this as a passionate cinemas’ lover . Unfortunately in the last 20 years I have witnessed a general loss of attention span: there is always a new story to know, we are constantly being pulled in different directions, and instead find ourselves in a cinema hall being forced to sit there for two hours and half even when our attention tries to escape, it’s a kind of pleasant claustrophobia.

And theater, is it still part of your life?

I know that more years go by without me returning to the stage more what I’ll say l’ll sound insincere, but yes, my career started from there, I spent 5 o 6 years working in London theaters. I knew almost nothing about cinema until that world began to open its doors to me, I had to learn a lot on the set. I’ve been looking for a theatrical project, but so far what has been proposed to me are works by the greatest authors, and instead I’d like do something new, fresh. Maybe I found it, but I still can't say anything.

Have you ever thought of letting yourself be taken one day by another passion besides acting?

My other great love is art, but if I ever have to work on it, I imagine myself more as a curator than as a co-worker. But I honestly think that being an actor is extraordinary: whatever part you encounter on your path continues to grow:although sure it’s a wild life and it's a drug.

Are you a workaholic?

In the beginning I was because I had no alternative: I was constantly auditioning and once I got a part immediately got to work, Until in this unfair world of acting there came a moment when I was suddenly successful and overnight I finally had the opportunity to choose. Many people are looking forward to retirement, I hope I’m offered roles even when I’m 80 years old.

At that age maybe you will also be behind the camera?

I'm a bit of a control freak,so yes, I could potentially one day go directing, even just out of curiosity But only if I had to find the right project, something in which I feel safe,

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carelessannie · 3 years

Text

maybe it goes like this: steve builds his pack (part 1)

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three

Read on A03

Read the Tony courts Peter wip

Stucky focus (Steve x Bucky)

A sweet, slightly angsty backstory in three parts (ending in Stuckony).

Major warnings: D/S Au, A/B/O Au, Middle/High School Au, talk about family death, public non-sexual submission, steve beats the shit out of some bullies

---

Maybe it goes like this:

Steve can’t remember life with a pack, but knows for certain that his Ma grieves for them. Ever since he was a boy, he would catch his Ma staring at fading photos of strangers, wiping tears from her eyes, and denying it when Steve would ask why do they make you cry.

It’s not until later in his life that Steve learns the truth about pack bonds, about the decision an Alpha makes in life to form a familial or an intimate bond with their packmates. His Ma refuses to let him learn about packs from school, instead sitting him down across the table, like an adult, Steven, and he learns about orientations and secondary genders when he’s nine years old.

His Ma explains the way kids will turn into adults: first establishing their orientation as Dominant, Submissive, or Versatile, and later in high school, presenting as Alpha, Beta or Omega. She threads their fingers together, and asks Steve if he can notice what she is, and he concentrates real hard, trying to decide, as his Ma laughs.

It’s okay, Steven, you won’t be able to tell what other people are until your own body has developed.

Steve nods, pretending like he understands, and asks his mom about her presentation. She gives him a sad— sad? — smile, and says she’s a Submissive Beta.

It’s silent as Steve puts those two things together with the strong, beautiful woman he admires as his Ma, and is still confused. He asks about packs, and Alphas, and what intimate and familial packs are— gaining an amused shake of the head from his Ma.

Why don’t I just tell you about my pack, yes?

Steve nods eagerly, desperate to hear the story of a family he never had,

My pack was intimate, Steven, which means we all loved each other very much and decided to live together. I met my— our Alpha when I was in nursing school, before you were born. She was already mated to two Omegas, and they had been searching for a Beta to join their pack. We fell in love. I met her Omegas, and all four of us were very compatible— do you remember what that means, hun?

Mhm, like when you know you belong with someone even more than anyone else.

Right, good, so we all belonged to each other, understand? We lived in our Alpha’s house, and all of us worked jobs in the city. About a year after joining her pack, I met your Pa. He transferred to the hospital I worked at, and he was also a Beta, like me, but he was Dominant. I introduced him to my pack, and they loved him too. Within a year, we were mated and I had you. Makes sense, Steven?

Yes, Ma. But… What happened to them?

At this, his Ma goes silent, breathing deeply before finishing the story for her son.

Do you remember the difference between packmates and bondmates, Steven?

Um. One is forever, right?

Yes, good, if you are in love or committed to a pack, they are your packmates, whether you are intimate or not. But sometimes, two people, or a whole pack, want to make their relationship last forever, and they become bondmates. All people have the private part of their necks, remember? You have to know, sweetheart, the only way to start a bond is to bite each other there while mating. We’ll wait to talk about mating until you’re in middle school, okay hun?

Yes, Ma.

Good boy. Now. The other important thing about bonding is that it ties your soul to another person’s forever. Any person of any orientation can bond with whoever they’d like, as long as they’re compatible. But you have to know, and this is so important, that once you bond, your souls become one. My whole pack was bonded, but… Daisy… hun, our Alpha died of cancer. She got very sick, and died. And when one bondmate dies, everyone who shares the bond gets sick and dies too.

… Ma, but. Why didn’t you die?

I decided, once I got pregnant with you, that I didn’t want to risk bonding to my pack. Your father and I loved each other so much, and you were the symbol of our love, not a bite. And I’m thankful, sweetheart, because I get to be your Ma and watch you grow up.

Do you miss them, Ma?

Every day, Steven.

Steve doesn’t remember his Ma mentioning her pack again after that day, but he did start to notice that she would get sad a few times a year, around forgotten birthdays and anniversaries. She would spend all of her days working hard to provide for the two of them, and always made sure Steve knew he was loved and valued, even when she denied herself the opportunities to find a new pack.

Looking back, Steve can see that they didn’t have a lot of luxuries or comforts, and definitely didn’t live in the best part of town. He had a few friends in Bushwick, growing up in the nineties it was a poor place to live, but they were perfectly happy to play in the streets during the day, and lock their doors tight at night.

As he ties up his laces, he thinks about his small family and is immeasurably happy. There’s no one he loves more in the world than his Ma. He hates the thought of getting on the bus and driving far away to switch middle schools, but his Ma reassures him that he will love meeting new kids and making new friends.

So he grabs his backpack, tightening the knots holding the straps in place, and hops down the stairs, only sparing one look to his Ma on the front step.

It’s a long bus ride to the school, more than thirty minutes. Over the summer, his Ma found out that the school system wanted him to transfer to a better school because of budget... something and overcrowding—? He’s actually not quite sure why he can’t go back to his old school, but his Ma made it seem like William Alexander Middle School thinks he’s special and has asked for him specifically. So yeah, Steve is really excited.

He’s going into Seventh grade, and gets his own locker, and gets to go to art class.

Steve spends the whole bus ride reviewing the schedule he already has memorized, and comparing it with the school map that his Ma printed for him, tracing his finger around from class to class. Bus to Nurse to Homeroom to Algebra to English to Nurse to Lunch to Gym to Art to Nurse to Bus.

The day passes this way, Steve confidently following his map around the school and taking notes in his small notebook. It’s not until Gym that he gets nervous, remembering his last asthma attack, and hopes the nurse told his gym teacher about his restrictions as he files into the gym and takes a seat on the floor.

“Steve Rogers?”

“Here.”

“No, Steve, I need to talk to you,” Steve looks up and sees his gym teacher, a really large man with a beard, waving him to the front of the class. The other kids turn to whisper to each other as Steve walks forward.

“I— did—”

“Steve, I have a note here from the nurse, saying you cannot participate in most exercises because of your health issues. Because of this, I’m going to suggest you join the sixth grade class, which will go at a better pace for you, and let Mr. Howlett help you further, okay?”

He feels his entire face flush dark red as the other students behind him whisper and laugh. He’s a seventh grader, not a baby sixth grader. He holds eye contact with the gym teacher, folding his arms across his chest, but still grinds out a, “Yes, Sir,” like his Ma would want him to.

“Good, it’s settled. Here, Mr. Howlett has sent James to show you where to go.”

Steve turns to find a small, smiling boy waiting for him at... parade rest? What—

“Alright Stevie, let’s go,” and the boy turns on his heel, marching across the gym as Steve scrambles to keep up.

James slows down slightly, letting Steve catch him, “First things first, my name is James Buchanan Barnes, but most people call me Jamie. I hate it, but it’s better than nothin',” he looks over at Steve, eyeing him up and down, “Second, Mr. Howlett is friends with my dad. You stick with me, and this class will be a breeze, capiche?”

Steve swears his eyes are falling out of his head, and he nods his affirmation.

“Good,” is all Jamie responds with before grabbing his hand, tugging him to join a younger, smaller group of kids in the gym. As they approach, Jamie lifts their hands in triumph, “I found him!”

Feeling betrayed, Steve rips his hand free in embarrassment, but Jamie just smiles wider and pulls him towards their gym teacher, Mr. Howlett.

How this man could be bigger and scarier than the last teacher, Steve doesn’t know, but refuses to hide behind Jamie as they approach, and instead stands up even taller. Mr. Howlett makes a grunting noise, flipping through a few papers on his clipboard, before looking up at the two boys.

“Rogers?”

Before he can respond, Jamie pipes up, “Yeah! Here’s his note from the nurse, and he’s my friend and— and can I help him out? Please?”

It’s pretty clear that Mr. Howlett couldn’t care less either way, but all Steve can see is the raw, eager look in Jamie’s face as he begs their teacher to help Steve.

Huh, he thinks, the only other time I've seen this look is when Ma begs the pharmacist to refill my inhaler prescription when her paycheck's late.

“Whatever, Jamie, just keep outta trouble, ya hear?”

“Yes, sir!” Jamie delivers, with a crisp solute to match, and pulls Steve towards the back of the class.

They settle down, and Jamie keeps holding onto his hand. Steve glances over and sees Jamie quickly look away, suddenly shy.

“Jamie?”

The smaller boy looks over, hopefully, “Yeah, Stevie?”

“Thank you, I didn’t think I’d get a friend on my first day, much less the best one in the school.”

Jamie ducks his head again before turning his brilliant smile in Steve’s direction, and Steve continues before he has a chance to respond, “and Jamie?”

“Yeah, Stevie?”

“I swear, cross my heart, that I’ll find you a better nickname.”

Jamie’s eyes widen, and then he’s laughing, loud and doubled over. He grips harder onto Steve, who can’t help laughing along, even as they get funny looks from the class and a gruff, c’mon, quiet down, from Mr. Howlett.

Shaking his head, Jamie tries to catch his breath as he responds, “ I— I think— I’d love that— Stevie.”

And all Steve can do is smile back.

---

It takes a week for Steve to settle on Bucky, and when Bucky says he loves it, Steve runs all the way home to tell his Ma.

---

Steve and Bucky have Gym class and Lunch together almost every day for a year, and spend the whole summer waiting for their schedules to be mailed, hoping for at least two classes together.

They get their wish.

---

Halfway through eighth grade, Steve gets sent home with a stamped letter from his guidance counselor. For the past few weeks, the guidance counselor has asked him and Bucky to have lunch in her office, and the boys always shrug and agree. Today, after finishing lunch, she hands both boys an official letter for their guardians to discuss with them.

“Whaddaya think’s in it, Stevie?” Bucky asks, squinting at the letter as he holds it up to the light. The boys are heading straight from lunch to the nurse’s office to get Steve’s medicine, like they do every day, and Bucky grips tight to his hand, intertwining their fingers, like he does every day.

“I dunno, Buck. Maybe she’s gonna tell your Ma that you smell and needa bath,” the comment earns Steve a light shove, and an affectionate, “Punk,” in response.

“Jerk,” Steve replies, a reflex, and reaches out to pull Bucky closer, “I wouldn’t worry ‘bout it, Buck. She’s been real nice up ‘til now—”

“Yeah, I know, I just don’t wanna bother my dad if it’s somethin’ bad.”

They fall silent for a moment, both boys knowing how busy and strict Bucky’s dad can be. Steve sees Bucky’s head drop, lost, as he looks at the letter in his small hands. He slows them to a stop, turns Bucky around to face him in the school hallway, and hums in approval as Bucky meets his eyes and slowly tilts his head back. He grabs onto both shoulders, squeezing lightly, and pulls Bucky up close. Fingers tighten in the back of Steve’s shirt as Bucky clings to him, and he nuzzles into his best friend's hair, comforting, while rubbing across his shoulders.

“So sweet, Bucky. There’s no way your dad could be mad at you, alright? Believe me?”

He gazes down into soft, glazed gray eyes, and freezes. Bucky is slightly trembling against him, looking at him like he’s a revelation. Steve feels a calm settle into his bones as he reacts purely on instinct, reaching up to grip Bucky around the neck.

A few things happen in quick succession.

First, Bucky’s eyes roll up into his head, breath leaving his body in a woosh along with a high pitched whimper.

Second, Steve widens his stance, straightening his back, and Bucky sinks, fast, to his knees, gripping onto Steve’s thighs for balance.

And then, out of the haze—

“STEVE ROGERS, YOU RELEASE THAT BOY IMMEDIATELY,” and the trance is broken.

Steve is horrified to see Bucky curled up on the floor, and he stumbles back. Large arms wrap around him, herding him away from—

“STEVIE, no, please—” the voice of his best friend, his Bucky, follows him down the hallway along with small broken cries, and Steve fights hard against the strong arms that hold him,

“C’mon, kid, it’s okay. Just gonna call your Ma and getcha settled,” but Steve doesn’t care.

His boy is back there, somewhere, calling for him, needing him, and he can’t get back, he can’t protect, he can’t save, he can’t— breathe.

---

It’s okay, hun. Shh, sweet boy, it’s okay.

— Sarah, he had Jamie on his knees, submitting—

— no, I don’t think Jamie has stopped crying yet—

— only a few more months, it’ll be fine—

---

Steve wakes in his bed at home, confused.

“B— bucky?”

“Hey, sweetheart,” his Ma pushes past the door, “you up alright?”

He blinks his eyes a few times, disoriented, “Where… what—”

“Shh, hun,” she holds out a glass of water, which Steve takes gratefully,

“Ma, where’s Bucky?”

His Ma looks nervous, and straightens the sheets on the bed, “Steven, Bucky is just fine. How much do you remember about what happened?”

The memories are sticky, “I was just hugging Bucky. He was scared that his dad would be angry about the— oh! The letter from the counselor. Ma, I have an important letter for you. Officially stamped and everything,” his Ma just nods, so he continues, “I dunno, I was hugging Bucky in the hallway, and then something was… different. Like really heavy between us? And all I wanted was to keep him safe, but then… Then they took him, and—”

Steve looks into his Ma’s eyes, suddenly horrified, “I hurt him, didn’t I?”

He must’ve, that would be the only reason they knocked him out and separated him from his— from his—

“No, Steven, not like that. You absolutely did not hurt him,” then what... “You were the perfect Dominant, hun, and it’s not your fault, okay sweetheart?”

“Dominant? Ma…”

“Hush, Steven. I’m going to tell you something important, and you’re going to listen to me,” he nods once, so she continues, “the letter from your counselor was very important, Steven. Remember how boys and girls start to present around your age? Your guidance counselor has been monitoring signs of presentation between you and Bucky, signs that were confirmed today in the hallway. Steven, today you presented as a Dominant, and Bucky submitted to you. Do you know what this means?”

“T— that we’re… compatible?”

His Ma nods solemnly, “Yes, exactly. The doctors are not sure yet if Bucky is Submissive or Versatile, but you are a strong Dominant. My strong boy.”

“But Ma, why was it so bad?”

She sits on the edge of the bed, scooting so that she can pull Steve closer,

“Because, hun, both of you dropped.”

“Dropped...”

Ma hums, finding the words to explain,

“A lot of times, when a Dominant and Submissive are together, they go into a headspace. It’s calm, it feels right and certain and instinctual. Usually a Dominant will take more control, and the Submissive will allow it, naturally. If this doesn’t happen in a safe, private space, or if it’s interrupted, both parties are at risk of dropping. That means you could feel sick, lost, and upset— and even panic or become depressed,”

Exactly like what happened to me, Steve thinks,

“— and with you and Bucky, you both passed out from the stress. That’s why I need to know if you’re okay, Steven,”

It makes sense. Now that Steve knows what to look for, he can easily recognize not only moments where Bucky has submitted easily to him, but also moments where Bucky challenged him and he ended up claiming Bucky’s submission in an argument. His best friend, the boy who fights for him and is always at his side— it’s overwhelming. All Steve wants to know is—

“Ma, please, what happened to my Bucky?”

“Steven, don’t—“

“I need to know—“

“He’s still in a drop, hun.”

Steve swings out of the bed, “How? It’s been hours,” he hears his Ma stutter out something, but feels a resolve settle, “I’ve gotta be with him, Ma.”

“No.”

“But—“

“I said no. His pack is sending me updates, but was very clear that they want you to stay away from Bucky for now. He needs time to recover and understand what’s happened, as do you. And, as your principal recommended, both of you are switching lunch periods and transferring classes, to help reduce the stress of being around each other, is that clear?”

Not even sure he’s heard right past stay away from Bucky, Steve drops back into bed in shock. No more Bucky? He can’t even comprehend what his day would look like without his best friend next to him, and just like that, he’s destroyed one of most important relationships in his life.

Hot, wet tears fall through the night as he wraps around his sheets, wishing he was holding onto a smaller, dark haired boy with crystal blue eyes.

—

There are only two months left until summer, and they feel like two years without Bucky.

Steve cries himself to sleep for the first week.

In the second week, he tries talking to the adults in charge, all of whom give him pity and suggest he’ll get over it and move on.

By the third week, Steve is angry. He snarls at classmates, teachers, anyone who looks at him the wrong way. He gets sent home with a note about his behavior, and his Ma just gives him more useless pity.

During the fourth week, he’s walking the hall to his last period of the day, when he hears a plea for help and the slamming of a door echo from the boy’s bathroom. He runs inside, ready to take down a bully, and sees two eighth graders pinning someone to the bathroom stall. He steps in just as they punch the boy across the jaw,

“Hey assholes, why don’tcha pick on someone your own size?”

The boys whirl around and sneer, dropping the smaller kid in a heap on the ground.

“Look what we have here, a pint sized savior,” the larger of the two smiles wickedly, as he sizes up Steve, and the other one delivers a kick to their initial target for good measure, “Wonder where you got the balls, tiny?”

Steve throws his fists up, and the boys smile even wider, amused. The larger bully lunges for him, suddenly, and Steve absorbs his tackle, trying to roll them around on the floor to get on top. He delivers a well aimed elbow to the guy’s throat, which has him sputtering, and drives his knee down between the kid’s legs, earning him a satisfying howl.

“Yo, kid, it’s okay, c'mon it was just a joke—“

The other boy’s words barely register as Steve lands one, two, three hard right hooks to the bully’s face, before pushing off his chest and standing to his feet. The second kid scoots past Steve, hauling his friend up and escaping out the entrance.

“St— Stevie?”

All of the rage expels from Steve’s body as he turns to find Bucky smiling up at him from the floor where the bullies had dropped him just moments earlier.

He approaches slowly, and notices just how bruised Bucky is, just how tired he looks. Steve catalogs the blood on his face, dark circles under his eyes, possibly dislocated shoulder, and gaunt expression with care, touching as little as possible.

“We should— we should go to the nurse, Buck. It doesn’t look good.”

Bucky nods and attempts to get to his feet, but lets out a weak groan and sinks back down to the floor.

“C’mon, jerk,” Steve teases, trying his best to hide concern and devastation, pulling Bucky back to his feet on his good side, “do I hafta carry ya the whole way?”

There’s a weak laugh that could also be a sob from Bucky, and Steve tries to take more of his weight as they limp towards the nurse’s office.

He feels hopeful after hearing a barely whispered, “Punk,” in return.

---

The nurse lets the two boys cling to each other on the small cot, and proceeds to call both of their packs, asking for both kids to go home early for the day.

Steve glares at the nurse the whole time, knowing that he only has a few precious moments with his best friend before they’re separated again.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah, Stevie?” the younger boy looks up adoringly, “you okay?”

“I’m fine, Buck, how— are you okay?” He does his best to hold back tears that are welling up in his eyes, and enjoys the solid feeling of Bucky, safe and warm in his arms.

Small fingers run over his cheeks, wiping away a few stray tears that had slipped free, and Bucky’s smile just grows, “So much better now, that’s for sure.” He wiggles a bit, and Steve laughs lightly, gripping his friend’s waist tighter.

He leans down, brushing his nose against the shell of Bucky’s ear, and whispers, “Nothing has been the same without you, Bucky.”

A shiver goes through Bucky’s body, Steve feels it by proximity, and Bucky remains silent, until Steve hears one hitched breath, then another. He pulls away slightly, looking into Bucky’s face as the smaller boy dissolves into tears. Bucky pulls himself closer, burying his face in Steve’s neck as great, giant sobs tear him apart. All Steve can do is shush him gently, kiss him on the head, and rock them back and forth, waiting for his Bucky to calm down as the minutes pass in silence.

“I can’t say I’m surprised,”

Steve looks up, turning his body to guard Bucky’s vulnerable one, and sees Bucky’s Beta father and Omega mother standing in the doorway, expressions both shocked and resolved.

“Steve, can you tell us what happened?”

It takes a few minutes for Steve to explain how he saved Bucky, and when he finishes, he watches the Beta and Omega exchange a knowing look, before they take a seat near the nurse’s cot. Neither move to take Bucky away, which is perfectly fine with Steve, who just holds his friend closer. A quick glance gown confirms Bucky has stopped crying and fallen asleep, sniffling lightly.

“We need to talk to you, Steve,” he hears Bucky’s dad call for him, and reluctantly looks up at both of them, noticing the guidance counselor also waiting in the doorway. He nods to allow them to continue,

“I’m afraid we haven’t handled this situation well, son,” Bucky’s dad continues, “and it seems to have hurt both of you boys. I’m sorry, and want you to know we only wanted the best for Jamie.”

“I get it, sir,” Steve shifts slightly, uncomfortable with the sudden attention. “Does this mean I can see Bucky again?”

The Beta leans forward on his seat, making sure to focus on the younger boys, “Yes, Steve, we want you and Jamie to keep being friends, at least until you go to high school next year.”

He can’t even help the relieved sigh and small smile that take over his face, letting his eyes fall shut as he relaxes back onto the bed. Good. He doesn’t even spare a thought for their friendship after middle school, completely convinced that in this moment, him and Bucky will be together, forever.

---

Steve and Bucky fall back into their old routine, classes and lunchtime back to normal, and the news of Steve’s fight spreads like wildfire throughout the school. Both boys find themselves surrounded by new friends, many of whom knew Bucky but hadn’t hung out with Steve before, and he enjoys watching his best friend thrive in newfound popularity.

As summer approaches, Bucky starts talking more about going out for football in eighth grade. Steve always knew he loved sports, and had often encouraged Buck to keep playing baseball when the younger boy would get frustrated, so he naturally pushes his friends to try out. What he isn’t prepared for is how little he sees of Bucky over the summer. He barely notices at first, still seeing Bucky a few days a week, but then he starts to get rain checks on his invitations.

“Sorry, Stevie, rain check— I’m doing drills with the guys all day,”

“Aw man, rain check? I’m at conditioning every day this week and literally can’t get free,”

“Maybe rain check for this weekend? The guys are running plays all day, and I just gotta be there,”

“— you understand, right Stevie?”

And Steve does understand. He decides to give Bucky a little more space, only asking to hang out once a week, if that, and focuses on preparing for high school. He spends more time with his Ma, and she helps him pick out a brand new backpack from Walmart. When he protests, saying his old backpack is just fine, she shakes her head and insists on buying a product that will last. He fills it with notebooks and new pencils and pens and even a pack of colored pencils with a shiny dual sharpener.

It’s a few weeks before school starts that his Ma receives a letter from the school system. He’s decorating the cover of his notebook, laying across their living room floor, when his Ma comes and sits next to him on the floor.

“Steven, I have something to tell you.”

“Okay, Ma, one sec,” he takes a few moments to gather his pencil shavings, packing up his colored pencils, putting them in the correct order, and closing his notebook, stacking everything neatly on top.

“What’s wrong, Ma?”

“Remember when you went into middle school, and the government had to move you to William Alexander because the school closest to us was overcrowded?” Steve nods, he does remember, “Well, they don’t have the same issue with the high school here. So you’re going to be going Bushwick High, which is just a couple blocks away from us.”

“Oh, I thought I was gonna be going to school in Park Slope again, near Bucky?”

“I know, Steven,” his Ma gives a small pat to his head, before standing up and heading for the kitchen, “why don’t we have a snack and talk about it more? They sent a list of classes, and you get to choose electives and everything.”

Steve tries calling Bucky that night, eager to tell him about his news, but just gets the answering machine. He tries two more times that week, and comes up blank.

Within a few weeks, Steve is walking into Brooklyn High, confident and proud, and barely spares a thought about missing his best friend at his side.

#stucky #steve pov #steve x bucky #d/s fic #childhood friends #soft stucky #fluff #minor angst #steve beats the shit out of some bullies #mcu #fanfic #MiGLT #omegaverse

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choicesreal · 3 years

Text

About me.🗣

🗣Well, first of all..I was born on 30th of October. It’s a pretty boring and uneventful day lmao. I’m not going to say the exact birthdate, however it’s in the 2000′s.🤸🏽‍♀️

🗣My pseudonym’s Silsha, and my real name also starts with a “S”, I’m just keeping it secret ‘cause I want to keep that mYsTerIoUs vibe going on, is it working?🥺

🗣I’m from the Philippines, born and raised. I am also full Filipino (or at least I think so? My mom said we have a lil bit of French blood in there, so..🥐oui 🥐 ).. I was actually supposed to be raised in the US, but my mom’s visa got declined. She went to US last year though! (not me getting jealous but ok.)

🗣I’m an ambivert. There are times where I’m shy as fuck, and times where all the nastiest in this world’s dictionary comes outta this big ass mouth. There are times where I grab any opportunity to keep away from other people and just stay in my room with my trusty book and earphones, while there are times that I go out with my friends and go to the mall or chill in their houses. (ofc, before COVID happened.)😷

🗣I’ve played Choices since early 2018, and boy, if my past self would look at how addicted I am to it now, past self would run screeching to the ends of the Earth. 🏃🏽‍♀️ 💨

🗣My favorite books from Choices are Open Heart (this is the one fucking reason why i’m stuck going crazy over one blue-eyed spoiled child diagnostician called Ethan Jonah freaking Ramsey), The Heist Monaco, A Courtesan of Rome (the main reason why I’m OBSESSED with ancient Roman history, and why I want to go there on my birthday.), Platinum, A Royal Masquerade, Perfect Match (though I wasn’t able to finish it..) Blades of Light and Shadow (my bb Tyril 😿) Distant Shores (FUCK YOU PB, FUCK YOU.) Queen B,(yeah, I know it was such a mess, but I kinda liked Ian ;-;) and last but certainly not the least is....Most Wanted!

🗣The other games that I’ve played and stayed for a while was Romance Club (please, please, please support and check this app out! It’s really worth it and won’t disappoint you!) and Chapters (this was the game that I’ve also been obsessed about too! Aside from Choices, when I took a little time off of Choices and went inactive with this account, this was my only safe haven then, with all of those schoolworks pouring in, it was really hard to take a breather.)

🗣What does Choices mean to me? It means the world to me, the absolute world. Hell, because of it, I got to meet so many nice and appreciative people here on this platform itself.(Thanks, Tumblr. I’ll make sure to give you a five star rating if I don’t forget it again😭) I got included in a community that I felt really comfortable to be in, and most importantly, it made me happy. I consider it as my safe haven, from being depressed and anxious. I’ve never really acknowledged myself as one, but it’s noticeable, even to myself. I just don’t show it. Our education system here sucks, just..no words.

🗣My favorite singers are (internationally): Sabrina Carpenter, Camila Cabello, Taylor Swift, Dua Lipa, Adele (queen, please come back🕊),The Weeknd, and many more that I can’t remember.

🗣My favorite songs now are: (pls try to listen to them if you have the chance!) Skin by Sabrina Carpenter, Earned it by The Weeknd(yeah no actually, every song of his is my favorite, sorry not sorry.), Tango by Abir, This City by Sam Fischer, Safety net by Ariana Grande (all of her songs in her newest album, no actually all of ‘em!), Loves Control by Camila Cabello (another artist who’s powerful enough to make me love all her songs.) and so many more LMAO i’m just lazy to type all of it, it’ll go on for decades.

🗣I almost forgot- I’m a she. It may come of as a shock to others, some not, but yes. LMAO. I think it’s pretty obvious from how I talk online.

🗣I’m a pretty chill not chill student. (not me lying to myself to make me feel better.) But really, I don’t put that much effort when it comes to education, and I didn’t even review when it comes to quizzes and exams back from 1st-6th grade. What changed? Well, the fact that became older and became more self-conscious about it (my grades). But, I still don’t give it my all partly because of my belief that we should enjoy our youth. Studying too hard may hinder that. And so, I did just that. I’m not particularly a naturally intelligent student. I’m just observant and can be pretty hardworking if necessary (groupings for school projects and stuff.) I’m not the type who goes and becomes a leader in one group cause I can’t handle the pressure and I don’t give enough authority vibes to be listened to (I can though, if y’all push my buttons too far.), however I act as an assistant leader, who also helps in anyway I can and handles all the research (’cause I love learning new things online, and I love to research.) And so, I kinda became a With Honors type of student. (sHocKer.) And honestly? I don’t regret putting a bit of effort in school, because I get to see how proud my parents are for me.

And if you’ve made it this far...you’re a complete sTalKerR!! Nah, just kidding you’re cool. LMAOO. Thank you for reading this short-filled information about me, or also known as @choicesreal. It’s been really fun to type this out, because I might come off as kind of a closed book around others in the community. This is a text to let you learn a few bits and tiny details about me! Part 2? Maybe. It really depends KDJHAKDJH. And now it is time for me to end this post as my eyes are stinging.

With that, Paalam muna. (From my native language, it’s translated as “Goodbye, for now” in English.)

#not choices #it's just me spilling facts no one even asked about LMFAOOO #yeah this is me bored #kajdhkasjdh #personal #about me

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magic-and-moonlit-wings · 3 years

Text

Chapter 53: Identity

Becoming The Mask

Barbara was at work when her phone buzzed. She didn't have time to check it – she was busy with a toddler who had swallowed a paperclip.

If it had gone into the kid's stomach, things might have been okay. There was some risk of the sharp point doing damage, or the wire catching and tangling in the intestines, but the rounded ends of the paperclip meant there was also a chance it would simply be passed through.

Unfortunately, instead of ingesting the paperclip, the child had aspirated it, so it needed to be removed from her right lung.

Immediately after Barbara got out of surgery, she had to work up the x-rays of a teenager who'd crashed his Vespa into a tree. Nothing was obviously broken and he didn't have a concussion, but there was a risk of hairline fractures.

And then, (because why not,) there were three successive cases of people who had stuck odd things up their butts and gotten those things stuck.

By the time she was able to sit down for two minutes and gulp some coffee, she had forgotten about her buzzing phone.

She didn't even look at her phone until she was leaving for the night. Barbara got it out to turn the ringer off, since she wasn't supposed to be on call that night, which never stopped anyone when they were short-staffed, which was often, and she was tired enough it would probably be dangerous for her to be treating patients again until she'd had some sleep.

(Also, she was probably tired enough that she shouldn't be driving, but Barbara never let herself think about that.)

After finding out she'd missed something as big as her kid sneaking around to fight a secret magical war, Barbara was trying to reassert some boundaries between her time at work and the rest of her life.

Her phone announced that she'd missed a notification.

It was just an exclamation point. What had that been supposed to mean?

Barbara turned her phone off and drove home.

"I'm back, kiddo!"

"We're in the kitchen!"

'We' meant Jim and Toby. Jim was pulling a shepherd's pie out of the oven. Toby and Barbara both inhaled appreciatively.

"You said it's lean ground beef, right?" asked Toby. Jim smiled and rolled his eyes.

"Yes, Tobes. You know if you cut all the fat out of your diet you'd get protein poisoning, right? Mom, back me up."

Barbara took a moment to remember this. She wasn't a nutritionist – she'd encountered this concept in a novel a few years ago and looked it up to see if it was true.

"He's right," she said. "It's the rarest kind of food poisoning. Not much risk of it happening here and now." Not in a city in the United States, haven of processed and instant foods.

Jim portioned out the steaming vegetables and meat and mashed potatoes. Barbara added some sour cream to hers.

"Is Nana out tonight?" she asked Toby.

"Yeah, she and some of her chess buddies are doing a tournament. Informal, I think, but maybe a prize? Like, a gift certificate or something."

"We should see if we can get her and Mr Strickler to play a match sometime," said Jim. "I think I heard once that he's a grandmaster, but I don't know how often he plays anymore."

That combination, Nancy and Walt, made Barbara's brain click and remember the significance of that exclamation point she'd sent herself.

"So … it's been a month. Have you made any progress on telling your friends' families about trolls?"

Both boys froze.

"We gave Vendel a bunch of family stories," said Toby. "Once he's done reading it, we'll find out if we have permission or we're going behind everybody's backs."

"Guess I should warn him the clock's ticking again," said Jim.

"We could maybe tell people now and say we're LARPing, and tell the whole truth later?" Toby suggested. "That's what my therapist thinks is going on."

"You told your therapist?" asked Barbara and Jim together, in very different tones.

Jim's eyes were huge. He had a white-knuckled grip on his silverware. "Tell me you didn't use the word 'Trollhunter' in front of her."

"… No?" said Toby in confusion. "I just said your character was a magic knight on a quest to fight an evil troll."

Jim sighed. "Okay, that's generic enough it's probably safe. Don't use any specific names or terms, though."

"Dude, you seriously think someone is spying on a random high schooler's therapy appointments?"

"Someone is spying on a random high school's entire history class," Jim pointed out.

The rest of the meal was tense. After they were done eating and cleaning up, Toby went back home, and Jim went upstairs to do homework.

Jim's yearbook from the previous year was on one of the shelves in the living room. Barbara brought it over to the couch.

She could use this to get an idea of who Jim and Toby's classmates were, at least.

Jim didn't have many signatures in the book. There was Toby's, of course. The rest all had generic messages – "Have a great summer" from Eli Pepperjack, "Have fun this summer!" from Shannon Longhannon, "See you in September" and a doodled smiley face from Claire Nuñez, and "Enjoy summer break" from Seamus Johnson.

People Jim knew? Or random classmates he approached so he wouldn't look 'weird' for not caring about yearbook autographs?

Barbara made note of all the names. She felt like Jim had let slip that the other children who knew about trolls were girls, early on, but she couldn't quite remember for sure and didn't want to rule anyone out. She flipped to the class photos to match names to faces, so she could keep watch for the signatories hanging around her house or across the street.

+=+

Enrique carefully printed the English alphabet. It hadn't been that hard to mimic from a reference image, but this was his first time writing it independently. He haltingly hummed the song to keep track of his place.

"Pretty good," said Claire, reading over his shoulder. He fought the urge to turn and strike. He was (supposed to be) safe. Claire wasn't purposefully lurking in his blind spot to attack him. "Definitely way better than my first scribbles. I guess next you should learn to write your name."

On another piece of paper, she printed it for him to copy.

The first letter was N. Sensible enough. Except wasn't that one pronounced 'nuh' instead of 'en' when it was in a word and not the alphabet? He shrugged. Claire knew this writing system better than he did – if she said Enrique started with N, he'd go with it until he had some evidence otherwise.

The second letter was O. He frowned. That … didn't feel right. Shouldn't it be an R?

The third letter was T. He stopped.

"Read it," he said to Claire, trying not to growl.

"Not Enrique," she said, without shame. "You only copied the 'Not' part so far."

Angrily, Enrique scribbled out the letters he'd written so far and the bit he'd copied from. In fast, shaky letters he copied out the rest of it and underlined it.

"No," said Claire, getting angry in turn, "you don't get to use that name. That's my brother's name, not yours."

"The kid can share. It's mine now."

"Oh, come on," Claire scoffed. "You're, like, hundreds of years old. I get that Jim's used to being called 'Jim' after sixteen years in deep cover or whatever, but you can't possibly have gotten that attached to 'Enrique' in just a few months."

… Did she really not know?

"It's the only name I've got."

"Bullshit. Other trolls had to call you something when you were in the Darklands."

Now he growled for real. "That wasn't a name."

"What, some kind of codename system? Then I'd think you'd welcome the chance to start using your real name again."

"I don't know what it used to be!" he snapped. "No one exactly kept track of who they were grabbing. And if we lived, it was 'Changeling' this and 'Impure' that if it wasn't just 'hey you'! Enrique's the first name I can remember having and you don't get to take it away from me!"

He stood there breathing hard for maybe a full minute. He'd cracked the pen. There was gloppy ink on his clenched fist. He licked it off before ink could drip on the floor, and popped the plastic into his mouth.

Claire's voice, when she spoke again, was a lot softer.

"How did anyone tell the Changelings apart, if … if you didn't have names?"

Enrique snorted. "You think they bothered? One Changeling's as good or as bad as any other. S'probably part of why Jim and the big Boss Man were so quick to change sides when they had the chance."

"Even the other Changelings?"

"The rule about not getting attached starts early."

Claire looked like she was about to cry. That … that wasn't fair, she didn't get to make him feel bad for her when they were in the middle of a fight …

"We give each other nicknames, sometimes," he admitted. Imp had been a popular one, if nothing else about a Changeling stood out. "Us or the goblins. But then when we get up top, it's like a rite of passage, you know? We get a name then. Using the old nickname's … like an insult. Saying you weren't worth making a surface agent."

Claire blinked rapidly a few times, then hugged him. He almost clawed her before realizing it wasn't an attack.

"Oi, easy!"

"You can't have my brother's name," she said stubbornly. "But we'll figure something else out."

"Not exactly your call to make," Enrique retorted.

"Don't ruin the moment."

"What moment–?!"

+=+

Previous Chapter (Troll Dads become official!)

Table of Contents

Next Chapter (Angor Rot’s debut!)

Not featured in the above chapter: Jim's internal panic, as he frantically tries to figure out how much Toby has already told Dr Archenn and how to warn Toby off telling her anything else, without exposing yet another Changeling's identity to humans.

Featured in the above chapter: my headcanon that Otto addressing Not Enrique as 'Imp' in early Season 2 was a deliberate insult. I've actually got a different nickname in mind for Not Enrique, it just didn't feel natural to bring it up in this scene. Imp, short for Impure, is basically a 'starter nickname' that all Changelings have in the Darklands, until and unless something about them stands out enough that the other Changelings start calling them something else.

#Becoming The Mask chapters #Trollhunters #Tales of Arcadia #Changeling Jim #My Fanfiction #Monday is fanfic day!#Dr Barbara Lake #Tobias Domzalski #Claire Nuñez #Not Enrique #Changelings #backstory #names

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asterekmess · 4 years

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S3A - E7

So, I’m starting this episode right after finishing the last one, and I’m still kinda riled up from that bullshit. Let’s get to pissing me off and breaking my heart then. Blood/gore mention warnings for this episode.

Exercise your eyes! Read More!

Let’s just jump right in:

Starting right off with forcing myself into putting the tag in. Scott literally just listened to his mother say that giving this woman something to lessen the pain of her injuries could complicate things and make it harder to treat her. This is like an important medical thing. While yes, it’s really upsetting that she would need to keep being in pain, she needs to be able to identify and explain what exactly she’s feeling to the doctor who is going to be arrive really soon (though I have no idea why the nurses aren’t able to get these people set up. That’s what they did with me? I didn’t see a doctor for like an hour, but they didn’t make me sit in the fucking waiting room before dealing with the blood.) Her pain level will have a direct effect on how quickly she’s seen. This moment is meant to show Scott being soft-hearted, but with the doctor only ten minutes away, he could literally be making this woman’s life a whole lot worse by taking away her pain right now. There is a reason why after I was given pain killers for my surgery I wasn’t allowed to be near any heavy objects. Her pain is keeping her from irritating her wound. She could fuck herself up if she stops responding to the signals her body is trying to send her. This is not the right way to make Scott look kind. He looks like an idiot who doesn’t even listen to his nurse mom.

WHo the FUCK would keep driving with a bunch of bugs in the car? She’s not even on the interstate! PULL OVER IDIOT.

I’m actually agreeing with Scott on this one. I have no idea how medically accurate what melissa just did was, but it look pretty damn cool.

WHat the hell is this conversation? First off, Ethan, you made VERY clear in the last episode that you want to bite Danny even after he said no. Even if that was the possession talking, it was based on what YOU wanted. Danny’s not safe with you. Second, what is this bullshit about knowing Lydia is the important one? Important to Stiles and ALlison maybe. Scott literally never talks to Lydia. THIRD how exactly did you guys come up with that idea when you went after them on the FIRST DAY? You sniff him on them? cus’ if so your noses are damaged.

what...what is with this ghost car shit? She was in the middle of the city, more than ten minutes away from the hospital and behind the traffic caused by the ten car pileup. How did the car drive itself ALL THE WAY here?

Ethan. you’re an alpha. you have night vision. You shouldn’t need to ask what the fucking MOTH in the middle of the driver’s seat is.

HI NOAH! I’ll be honest. I missed you. You’re a really good actor and you just make me feel all safe. WHich is weird bc I hate father figures and I hate cops. Linden Ashby is just too good, I guess.

It’s so frustrating watching Deucalion walk around with humans pretending to be blind. Because he is. He is Pretending to be blind. He’s already proved like a dozen times that he can see just fine when he turns on the Alpha eyes. Which doesn’t make SENSE because Deaton said his iris’ were permanently damaged. He doesn’t have two different sets of eyes! And it sucks, bc they put in these little things that it would’ve been awesome to see if they included an actual blind person properly. The casual use of the cane, taking someone’s elbow and the trust that implies, and even this. Having (that looks like ethan’s coat) Ethan explain what’s in front of Deucalion, describing the scene to him.

DEREK YOUR SECURITY SYSTEM SUCKS. HOW DID THEY DO THAT WITHOUT YOU WAKING UP? WITHOUT CORA NOTICING?

Also, Cora, you look amazing, can you please be my friend and can I hug you? I love your shirt.

I HATE THIS BITCH. Fuck you Julia.

uhh....why is an English teacher filling in for a chemistry/geometry teacher? That’s not how substitutes work. Making a joke out of it doesn’t make it make any more sense. SHe shouldn’t be doing that, especially if Harris has been missing for a while.

So your office can keep werewolves out, but not darach? Okay, let me go full conspiracy theorist here. we only know Deaton saw the moths because we see it. He just tells Scott that he’s going to be taken. This is a story that Scott is telling, so he couldn’t know that deaton saw the moths unless deaton told him. Julia is currently teaching a class. Are you seriously saying she doesn’t need to be involved at all in order to do these kidnappings? She can just put them on a timer and let the autmoatic spellwork do the job for her? OR Is deaton lying about being taken, and this is just a test he came up with to force Scott’s “True Alpha”ness to the surface? JUlia clearly had other plans for her sacrifice. I don’t think Deaton was a ‘distraction’ to keep Scott from finding the actual sacrifice. I think it was Deaton using the situation to his advantage.

why does deaton have a canine acupressure chart on his wall? I’ve never seen a vet’s office have that. Does he do alternative medicine for dogs??

BOYD. ISAAC. MY BOYS. I can’t tell you how much I love this. It’s so sneaky and annoying and so pack-ish I just love it so much.

BOYD YOU ARE A GENIUS BOY AND I LOVE YOU.

I swear, like ninety percent of what the ‘adults’ in this show say is ‘go back to school.’ ‘shouldn’t you be in school’ yadda yadda. Like, they want so badly to write the teens as though they never have to go to class, so they just make them constantly skip and ignore that these are fucking teenagers who would never be able to get out of school that easily, and they handwave it with someone occasionally going ‘hmm, weird that they aren’t in school’ and then just ignoring it? Truancy is like a THING that you can get in major trouble for. At least Boyd and Isaac called in sick. You know how you could have avoided all this class bullshit? PUT THE FUCKING SEASON DURING THE SUMMERTIME DUMBASSES.

It just hurts seeing Stiles beg for Scott not to make him tell his dad, and then turn right around and admit that it’s not okay for him to let other people suffer just because it scares him that he might lose his only parent. Like, he walks into that sacrifice with eyes wide fucking open and it hurts.

I’m not talking about these dumb sex scenes anymore. I’m so tired of them.

OKay, can we talk about the fire alarm thing though? It sounds like a jokey kind of thing with Aiden teasing Lydia about wanting to leave during the fire alarm but... Remember how Lydia was haunted by Peter’s burnt corpse? How she can hear the cries of the dead, and how she went wandering into the crumbling remains of the Hale house? There’s every chance that Lydia remembers the fire through Peter’s eyes. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was forever freaked by fire alarms.

Man, Cora and Lydia, together? The sass involved? If I didn’t ship Allydia so hard, I’d totally ship Cora and Lydia.

ONce again, I wanna point out that AIDEN IS A MURDERER. Literally all it would take is someone Explaining to Lydia that he is serial killer and she’d never touch him again.

Cora and Stiles together? I’m loving it. I just, wanna point out that when Scott showed up Cora couldn’t have given less of a shit. But here....Cora doesn’t remotely question Stiles’ authority here. She immediately goes along with it and when he tells her to let go of Cora she does. Even though she has no real reason to. When she asks about the spirit board, it’s a legit question and she doesn’t argue or make fun.

PLus there’s the whole ‘Well do you know any spirits” which straight up just confirms for me that ghosts and shit are real in this universe. I trust the Hales as lore sources and Cora’s matter-of-fact tone is good enough for me.

jesus christ i wanna get deucalion and Peter in a room together and watch them just...monologue random facts and trivia at each other endlessly. “Lacrosse was originally played by Native Americans.” “Do you know what a metronome is?” Guys. come on.

Exasperated Stiles is literally my favorite Stiles. “We’re trying to save lives here for the love of god” “YOU”RE SOMETHING, OKay? JUST put out your Hand” It’s so fucking good.

Someone EXPLAIN TO ME how Scott learned to do fucking gymnastics. WHEN DID HE LEARN THIS? I hate this bullshit “I’m a werewolf, so I can do anything” shit. Especially since it’s LITERALLY just Scott they let do it. Everyone else has to actually do the work to learn it.

So...how exactly does Deucalion know where Deaton is? This literally just supports my theory that Deaton set the whole thing up.

ALSO, since I already have the tag I feel no shame in pointing out that Scott didn’t even HESITATE when he learned Derek was going to die. He immediately asked about Deaton. Yeah yeah, Deaton is a father figure to him, but if that’s an acceptable excuse for Scott to use now, then it should count as an acceptable one when it’s STILES” FATHER BEING THREATENED (but I digress, we’re not there yet.)

How did I never notice that Lydia’s Left handed?

andd.....how did Lydia know that? How did Scott know that? What did Deucalion say that even remotely hints at Danny? Scott doesn’t know about Danny’s paper...what?

Fuck yeah, vengeful Boyd. I dig it.

uh....why couldn’t allison just stand next to Scott in the closet. you know, like she did while he was getting in? Also, why was Allison hiding with him anyway? It’s HER HOUSE and HER BEDROOM.

um....okay, i know that we all like the sterek fics where they have to hide in the closet and one of them pops a boner...but I’mma be real, it’s a lot more uncomfortable when I know she broke up with Scott and they’ve been in there for like ten seconds. Plus there’s the whole knowing that she DEFINITELY has enough room to move away and so does he. *shrug*

Side note: Allison where the fuck do you get these clothes? THey’re both awesome and...kinda weird? Did you buy that dress in france?

okay, i’ll admit it, i do actually kinda like the camera angle through the map, with the blacklight lighting up the symbols (though the symbols flash on and off a little too fast). It’s kinda cool.

uh, how would taking the picture help? You don’t have the blacklight over it? None of the markings are visible anymore

why does Chris keep walking in and out? AND WHY DIDN”T ALLISON DO THAT THE FIRST TIME?

Stiles in plaid and Converse? Yes. Yes. please. That’s so my aesthetic I’m so fucking jealous. He looks COMFY.

This whole interaction is just so fucking weird XD

But like, why would Stiles know to go through Danny’s stuff instead of just asking him why he might’ve been targeted??

HOW WOULD THEY KNOW TO CUT THE POWER? THIS DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. Why does the ALpha pack keep showing up with way more information than they should have? It’s so annoying! It’s one thing if Morrell is feeding them information, but she wouldn’t have KNOWN about this! This was a good plan and there’s NO REASON the Alphas should’ve known what Boyd, Isaac, and Derek were doing! What the fuck?

....god i love Derek’s red eyes.

....god i hate that I know where this is going.

....god i wish he’d just let them tear her apart.

I know that it’s meant to be setting up the cora/stiles thing, but I love that she doesn’t hesitate to touch him, and that when she stops him it’s with a very quiet “stop.” She’s really gentle with him, which is just fucking nice. Werewolves taking care to be gentle with Stiles is like...nice.

Since when did Scott know about the plan with Boyd and Isaac? Since when did Stiles know? Is Boyd seriously texting Cora while Derek and Kali are fighting, or did he text her as soon as the power was cut?

is this the first time we see a werewolf bounce off the mountain ash? I mean, I think so, but we also see Peter in S1 try to get past some. There’s no glowing when he comes into contact with the shield. It’s the same with Isaac and Erica in s2. I mean...I guess they’re just trying to upgrade the ash stuff? I gotta say though, I kinda prefered when there were no special effects. It seemed cooler when literally the only thing making it work was belief and having this totally invisible barrier that Peter couldn’t cross. It was cool.

....i think i’m procrastinating seeing the end of this fight. I’m gonna fucking cry.

Why...why does Isaac turn and yell ‘wait’ to Boyd when he was the one running forward to Julia? I am confusion.

Dude, if Alphas could break through mountain ash barriers then Talia Hale WOULDN”T HAVE DIED. THE HALE PACK WOULDn’T HAVE DIED.

I wanna point out here, that this fight between Derek and Kali makes sense for once. Him losing makes sense. We know that the Alphas are much older than they look, or at least Kali, Deucalion and Ennis were. Aiden and Ethan don’t show up in that flashback. ANyway, Kali’s probably in her thirties or forties. SHe’s much older than Derek and she’s been fighting for a lot longer, not to mention fighting to kill.

Seriously, someone get my boy a quarterstaff to knock her feet away.

I really really don’t understand this stuff. Why is it whenever people (I mean Derek, because it’s literally always Derek) get forced to use their werewolf claws/teeth (because again I cannot believe this is happening more than once) he for some reason can’t just...shift back? Retract his claws and fangs? Derek has amazing control, he should totally have been able to do it. With the venom it made sense, he was paralyzed. But now??

What exactly was the fucking point of having Scott break the mountain ash barrier, just to have the sheriff show up and shoot Deaton down? That was literally useless.

also, Noah is an amazing shot. Hot damn.

ALSO. LIterally all this info about true alphas is being whispered to Scott when he’s all alone? How the fuck am i supposed to trust that deaton even ever said that shit to Scott? He could totally be lying about it.

WHAT KIND OF TOTAL BULLSHIT BACKWARDS ASS PLOTLINE IS THIS? After half the season being about Deucalion attacking Derek and trying to get him into the pack, suddenly “Deucalion isn’t after Derek, he’s after you” WHAT? THat’s the STUPIDEST LAZIEST SHIT I’VE EVER SEEN.

and to end my rant BOYD SHOULD NOT HAVE DIED. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? PETER STUCK HIS ENTIRE HAND THROUGH DEREK”S CHEST IN SEASON 1 WHIL IN HIS ALPHA FORM AND THREW HIM INTO A WALL AND DEREK SURVIVED JUST FINE. WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE???

Final Thoughts: No. No, no, no no, no, and no. The ‘plotline’ of this episode is literally like fifteen things that have nothing to do with each other.

Admittedly, there were a few nice moments. Cora, Lydia, and Stiles was an awesome trio. Boyd, Isaac, and Derek was an awesome trio. The sheriff? Amazing. Melissa? A fucking hero. Danny, a genius saint.

All in all, I’m going to tear this episode to shreds in order to rewrite it. Get fucked, Davis.

#personal #anti-scott mccall #TeenWolf-Rewatch

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deep-sea-skiving · 4 years

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My thoughts on Derry Girls while being trapped in my house.

While the country is in lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic I’ve finally had the time to re-watch some of my favourite shows, well at least one of my favourite shows. I’ll have to confess that this show is definitely my favourite show of all time even beating the likes of Killing Eve for the top spot. So, what is this show you’re probably wondering by now? Well it’s the British sitcom Derry Girls. As you can derive from the title this comedy is set in Derry, Northern Ireland in the 1990s during The Troubles. First off, the bat this show has taught me more about The Troubles than the whole English education system has during its whole 13-year reign so, take that as you will. I feel the best thing that this show does is its portrayal of normality during a time which is filled with conflict, discord and confusion. Even the escaped polar bear scenario seems almost believable, which I believe is in reference to the peter the polar bear incident of the 70s. A polar bear which while dead was also on the loose in Belfast. Moreover, the characters are majorly relatable and ordinary. The main group of the girls and the wee English fella represent typical teenagers. They are a group which are neither popular nor unpopular, they’re the group in the middle of the social ladder. I think this resonates with many individuals, who are just in the murkiness of school popularity pyramid. Though the group acts like they are one up than the studious, stereotypical school prefect, Jenny Joyce in reality status wise they are no better. I think this is a unique part of the show, most comedies tend to portray their characters largely as complete ‘losers’.

As mentioned earlier, one aspect this show does so well is the relatability of the characters. Yes, this is set in Derry in the 90s during The Troubles, but the familiarity of the characters stretches way past these differences. We all know a Jenny Joyce that we want to just want to remove from our lives and we all can apply the Derry girls’ personalities to our own. Most will relate Michelle’s care-less, think later attitude, Orla’s imagination and creativity, Erin’s slight vanity and narcissism, James’ desire and struggle to fit in while still trying maintain his sense of self-identity and finally Clare which in my opinion is the most relatable of the group, an over-thinker, anxiety driven ‘wee lesbian’ with the most pragmatic and sensible attitude. No character in the show seems unnecessary or lacking. The grown-ups are just as hilarious as the girls, you can absolutely see where the girls get their personality traits from, just look at aunt Sarah and Orla! Minor characters such as Uncle Colm, Father Peter and Jim across the road with double glazing feel fleshed out and not just characters thrown into the story for the sake of a joke or the overarching plot. They seem like real people that you actually would know.

Another thing I’ll like to mention which I think is absolutely fantastic about the show is the set and costume design. "According to my ma, we're actually quite poor" We can actually see this, the sets of the terrace houses truthfully portray the standard of living at that time. The Derry girls wear the same outfits on multiple occasions. This emphasises a realistic portrayal of everyday life during this time. Got to mention that the outfits are peak 90s fashion which I’m still trying to replicate! Everything about this show is just so memorable and distinct to this show and would almost definitely not work in any other comedy show. The quotability of the show is astounding. Some of my favourites include “But he’s not in the zoo anymore is he, simple Simon” (Joe), “Protestants hate ABBA” (Orla) and "I'm not being an individual on my own" (Clare) just to mention a few. Some final thoughts, I love Derry Girls, it balances perfectly good actually funny comedy with serious issues that highlights the many difficulties young people at the time had to deal with growing up in Derry during the 1990s. It emphasises a sense of community (e.g. the school uniform washing incident), friendship and acceptance during a time remembered for conflict and hatred. I absolutely can’t wait for season 3!!

Speaking of COVID-19 here’s a video that some of the Derry girls cast filmed about isolation. It’s absolutely hilarious. https://youtu.be/aSJPNvVhH8Y

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phroyd · 4 years

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When I ask my European friends to describe us — Americans, Brits, who I’ll call Anglo-Americans in this essay — they shake their heads gently. And over and over, three themes emerge. They say we’re a little thoughtless. They say we’re selfish and arrogant. And they say that we’re cruel and brutal.

I can’t help but think there’s more than a grain of truth. That they’re being kind. Anglo-American society is now the world’s preeminent example of willful self-destruction. It’s jaw-dropping folly and stupidity is breathtaking to the rest of the world.

The hard truth is this. America and Britain aren’t just collapsing by the day…they aren’t even just choosing to collapse by the day. They’re entering a death spiral, from which there’s probably no return. Yes, really. Simple economics dictate that, just like they did for the Soviet Union — and I’ll come to them.

And yet what’s even weirder and more grotesque than that is that…wel…nobody much seems to have noticed. There’s a deafening silence from pundits and elites and columnists and politicians on the joint self-destruction of the Anglo-American world. Nobody seems to have noticed: the only two rich societies in the world with falling life expectancies, incomes, savings, happiness, trust — every single social indicator you can imagine — are America and Britain. It’s not one of history’s most improbable coincidences that America and Britain are collapsing in eerily similar ways, at precisely the same time. It’s a relationship. What connects the dots?

Let me pause to note that my European friends’ first criticism — that we’re thoughtless — is therefore accurate. We’re not even capable of noticing — much less understanding — our twin collapse. Our entire thinking and leadership class seems not to have even noticed, like idiots grinning and dancing, setting their own house on fire. They are simply going on pretending it isn’t happening — that the English speaking world isn’t fast becoming something very much like the new Soviet Union.

So what caused this joint collapse? How did the English speaking world end up like the new Soviet Union? To understand that point, consider the fact that you yourself probably think that’s an overstatement. But it’s an empirical reality. The Soviet Union stagnated for thirty years. America’s stagnated for fifty, and Britain for twenty. The Soviet Union couldn’t provide basics for its citizens — hence the famous breadlines. In America, people beg each other for money to pay for insulin and antibiotics, decent food is unavailable in vast swathes of the country, and retirement and paying off one’s debt are impossibilities: just like in the Soviet Union, basics are becoming both unavailable and unaffordable. What happens? People…die.

(The same is true in Britain. In both societies, upwards of 20% of children live in poverty, the middle class has imploded, and upward mobility has all but vanished. These are Soviet statistics — lethally real ones.)

Politics, too, has become a sclerotic Soviet affair. Anglo-American societies aren’t really democracies in any sensible meaning of the word anymore. They’re run by and for a class of elites, who could care less, literally, whether the average person lives or dies. In America, that class is a bizarre coterie of Ivy Leaguers pretending to be aw-shucks-good-ole-boys on the one side, like Ted Cruz, and Ivy Leaguers pretending to be do-gooders on the other, like Zuck and Silicon Valley. In Britain, it’s the notorious public school boys, the Etonians and Oxbridge set.

That brings me to arrogance. What’s astonishing about our elites is how…arrogant they are…and how ignorant they are…at precisely the same time. Finland just elected a 34 year old woman as a Prime Minister from the Social Democrats. Finland is a society that outperforms ours in every way — every way — imaginable. Finnish happiness is way, way higher — and so is life expectancy, mobility, savings, real incomes, trust, among others. And yet instead of learning a thing from a miracle like that, our elites profess to know a better way…while they’ve run our societies into the ground. What the? Hubris would be an understatement. I don’t think the English language has a word for this weird, fatal combination of arrogance amidst ignorance. Maybe cocksure stupidity comes close.

And yet our elites have succeeded in one vital task — what an Emile Durkheim might have called “social reproduction.” They’ve managed to reproduce society in their image. What does the average Anglo-American aspire to be, do, have? To be rich, powerful, careless, selfish, and dumb, now, mostly. We don’t, as societies or cultures, value learning or knowledge or magnanimity or great and noble things, anymore. We shower millions on reality TV stars and billions on “investment bankers.” The average person has become a tiny microcosm of the aspirations and norms of elites — they’re not curious, empathetic, decent, humane, noble, kind, in pursuit of wisdom, truth, beauty, meaning, purpose. We’ve become cruel, indecent, obscene, comically shallow, and astonishingly foolish people.

That’s not some kind of jeremiad. It’s an objective, easily observed truth. Who else in a rich society denies their neighbours healthcare and retirement? Nobody. Who else denies their own kids education? Nobody. Who else denies themselves childcare and elderly care? Nobody. Who else doesn’t want safety nets, opportunities, mobility, protection, savings, higher incomes? Nobody. Literally nobody on planet earth wants worse lives excepts us. We’re the only people on earth who thwart our own social progress, over and over again — and cheer about it.

How did we become these people? How did we become tiny microcosms of our arrogant, ignorant, breathtakingly stupid elites? Because we are perpetually battling for self-preservation. Life has become a kind of brutal combat to the death. For jobs, for healthcare, for money, for the tiniest shreds of resources necessary to live. We wake up and fight one another for these things, over and over again. That is what our lives amount to now — gladiatorial combat. Meanwhile, elites and billionaires sit back and enjoy not just the spectacle — but the winnings.

People who are battling for self-preservation can’t take care of anyone else. If I ask the average Brit or American to consider paying for their society’s healthcare, education, elderly care, childcare, increasingly, the answer is: LOL. In America, it always has been. Why is that? The reason couldn’t be simpler. People can’t even take care of themselves and their own. How can they take care of anyone else — let alone everyone else?

The average person is living right at the edge. Not at the edge of the middle class dream and an even better one. But at the edge of poverty and destitution. They struggle to pay basic bills and never make ends meet. They can’t afford to educate their children, and retire, or retire and have healthcare, and so on. Let me say it again: the average person can’t take care of themselves and their own — so how can they take care of anyone else, let alone everyone else?

A more technical, formal way to say that is: our societies have now become too poor to afford public goods and social systems. But public goods and social systems are what make a modern, rich society. What’s a society without decent healthcare, schools, universities, libraries, education, parks, transport, media — available to all, without life-crippling “debt”? It’s not a modern society at all. But more and more, it’s not America or Britain, either.

What makes European societies — which are far, far more successful than ours — successful is that people are not battling for self-preservation, and so they are able to cooperate to better one another instead. At least not nearly so much and so lethally as we are. They are assured of survival. They therefore have resources to share with others. They don’t have to battle for the very things we take away from each other — because they simply give them to one another. That has kept them richer than us, too. The average American now lives in effective poverty — unable to afford healthcare, housing, and basic bills. They must choose. The European doesn’t have to, precisely because they invested in one another — and those investment made them richer than us.

We are caught in a death spiral now. A vicious cycle from which there is probably no escape. The average person is too poor to fund the very things — the only things — which can offer him a better life: healthcare, education, childcare, healthcare, and so on. The average person is too poor to fund public goods and social systems. The average person is too poor now to able to give anything to anyone else, to invest anything in anyone else. He lives and dies in debt to begin with — so what does he have left over to give back, put back, invest?

A more technical, formal way to put all that is this. Europeans distributed their social surplus more fairly than we did. They didn’t give all the winnings to idiot billionaires like Zucks and con men like Trump. They kept middle and working classes better off than us. As a result, those middle and working classes were able to invest in expansive public goods and social systems. Those things — good healthcare, education, transport, media — kept life improving for everyone. That virtuous circle of investing a fairly distributed social surplus created a true economic miracle over just one human lifetime: Europe rose from the ashes of war to enjoy history’s highest living standards, ever, period.

That’s changing in Europe, to be sure. But that is because Europe is becoming Americanized, Anglicized. It has a generation of leaders foolish enough to follow our lead — now remember the greatest lesson of European history, which is one of the greatest lessons of history, full stop. That lesson goes like this.

People who are made to live right at the edge must battle each other for self-preservation. But such people have nothing left to give one another. And that way, a society enters a death spiral of poverty — like ours have.

People who can’t make ends meet can’t even invest in themselves — let alone anyone else. Such a society has to eat through whatever public goods and social systems it has, just to survive. It never develops or expands new ones.

The result is that a whole society grows poorer and poorer. Unable to invest in themselves or one another, people’s only real way out is to fight each other for self-preservation, by taking away their neighbor’s rights, privileges, and opportunities — instead of being able to give any new ones to anyone. Why give everyone healthcare and education when you can’t even afford your own? How are you supposed to?

Society melts down into a spiral of extremism and fascism, as ever increasing poverty brings hate, violence, fear, and rage with it. Trust erodes, democracy corrodes, social bonds are torn apart, and the only norms left are Darwinian-fascist ones: the strong survive, and the weak must perish.

(Let me spend a second or two on that last point. As they become poorer, people begin to distrust each other — and then hate each other. Why wouldn’t they? After all, the grim reality is that they actually are fighting each other for existence, for the basic resources of life, like medicine, money, and food.

As distrust becomes hate, people who have nothing to give anyways end up having no reason to even hope to give anything back to anyone else. Why give anything to those people you are fighting, every single day, for the most meagre resources necessary to live? Why give the very people who denied you healthcare and education anything? Isn’t the only real point of life to show that you beat them by having a bigger house, faster car, prettier wife or husband?)

That is how a society dies. That is the death spiral of a rich society. In technical terms, it goes like this. A social surplus isn’t distributed equitably. That leaves the average person too poor to invest anything back in society. He’s just battling for self-preservation, and the stakes are life or death. But that battle itself only breeds even more poverty. Because without investment, nurturance, nourishment — nothing can grow. Having become poor, the average person only grows poorer — because he will never have decent public goods or social systems, let alone the rights and privileges and jobs and careers and trajectories they become and lead to.

A society of people so poor they have nothing left over to invest in one another is dying. It goes from prosperity to poverty, from optimism to pessimism, from cohesion to distrust and hate, from peace to violence — at light speed, in the space of a generation. That’s America and Britain’s story today, just as it was the Soviet Union’s, yesterday, and Weimar Germany’s, before that.

You can see how a society dies — with horrific, brutal clarity — in the self-destruction of America and Britain. The hate-filled vitriol of Trumpism, the barely-hidden hate of Brexit. Why wouldn’t people who have grown suddenly poor hate everyone else? Why wouldn’t they blame anyone and everyone they can — from Mexicans to Muslims to Europeans — for their own decline? The truth, as always, is harder. America and Britain’s collapse is nobody’s fault — nobody’s — but their own.

They are in a death spiral now, but no opponent or adversary brought them there. It was their own fault, and yet they still go on choosing it. They don’t know any other way now. Their elites succeeded at making the average person truly, fervently believe that battling perpetually for self-preservation was the only way a society could exist.

And though it’s too late to escape for them, let us hope that the rest of the world, from Europe to Asia to Africa, learns the lesson of the sad, gruesome, stupid, astonishing tragedy of self-inflicted collapse.

Umair December 2019

Phroyd

#decline #superpowers

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konpithepuppy · 3 years

Text

[TRANSLATION: POTATO 06.2021]

7 MEN SAMURAI

Proofread by aji10647731 (Twitter)/ @janiappend

Scans not mine

Neither an English nor a Japanese native speaker

Feel free to correct me, thanks

DEGREE OF LOVE

Measuring the degree of love they have for their partner in quiz format. 2 questions that test their relationship and 1 original question for each pair, can they match their answers with each other!? (Interview was done around the 1st 10 days of April)

NAKAMURA REIA x YABANA REI

BEING PIXELATED IN A STREET INTERVIEW?

Yabana: The interview this time is for us pair to match our answers. There are 3 questions in total.

Nakamura: Let us answer after "go". The first question is, "What is the best memory of us two?" Ready, set, go..."my sister..."

Yabana: "Going to an instrument store..." It is clear that we are completely talking about different things (LOL).

Nakamura: Mine is about my sister giving Yabana a jersey. My sister likes Yabana and she gives him advice through me. She gives advice like, "His hair is long, it is better for him to cut it. His hairstyle in summer 2 years ago is good." (LOL).

Yabana: Also, she said, "He always wears shabby sweatshirt," so I received a brand new jersey from her through Reia (LOL). What I was trying to say earlier is the time where the 2 of us went to instrument store to see some bass.

Nakamura: We also did that! After buying the bass, I got it painted by Yabana's father. But, since we both talked about family members, I wonder if this is partially correct (LOL).

Yabana: Let's perfectly match in the 2nd question. "Describe your relationship in one word." Ready, set, go..."a bad companion!"

Nakamura: "Boyfriend-girlfriend!" We didn't match again (LOL).

Yabana: We often talk but we usually endlessly talk about things that won't do any good, right? That is like being bad friends having fun.

Nakamura: We talk about things like our fave musics or fave manga. Our hobbies match.

Yabana: It's just that there is no substance (LOL).

Nakamura: No matter how late at night it is already, Yabana plays with me when I invite him in a game, so I think our relationship is like a boyfriend who cannot refuse to his girlfriend's invites (LOL).

Yabana: I see. Well, playing a game late at night is also a bad thing so this means that this is also partially correct...(LOL).

Nakamura: Right? (LOL). We are at the last question now. "If you are called for another street interview for a television show, are you going to do it?" Ready, set, go..."I won't do it!"

Yabana: "I will do it!"...we didn't match (LOL).

Nakamura: Well, when Yabana appeared in the street interview for 「Getsuyou Kara Yofukashi」, I asked the manager, "Can I also do an interview like that?" And then, I was told, "No, you can't," by the manager.

Yabana: Really? (LOL) I also contacted the manager before the filming just in case, I asked if it's okay to take an interview. And then, since the manager said it's okay, it was a chance to advertise 7 MEN 侍 in a television!

Nakamura: It seems like it is okay for Yabana to do it, but not for me (LOL). But I have a feeling that I want to be on an interview too. Oh, well, next time when the 2 of us got interviewed, I think let's do the interview where I am the only one being pixelated.

Yabana: That's probably suspicious in the contrary! (LOL)

SUGETA RINNE x MOTODAKA KATSUKI

THE PERCENTAGE OF WATCHING EACH OTHER'S TV SHOW APPEARANCES IS?

Motodaka: Our best memory, huh.

Sugeta: Rinne thought of something!

Motodaka: Well, let's say our answers. Ready, set, go!

Sugeta: "When we welcomed Reiwa!"

Motodaka: "Sexy Zone's..." Ah!! Wait, that's my answer too! (LOL)

Sugeta: You're trying to talk about Sexy Zone, right? (LOL) Is it about a concert tour?

Motodaka: Yup. During Sexy Zone's concert tour, only our hotel room was the Cinderella-like (LOL). We were ojousama-like.

Sugeta: That also crossed my mind!

Motodaka: But if we talk about something special, it is definitely the moment where we welcomed Reiwa.

Sugeta: We went to watch a late-night movie, and since it will be Reiwa very soon, we spent time together. When it became 12 midnight, we went," Ye~y, It's Reiwa now~!"

Motodaka: That was special.

Sugeta: I took a screenshot of the time "0:00" that was displayed in my phone.

Motodaka: For me, I recorded the memory of us when it turned 12 midnight that day.

Sugeta: That was nostalgic~!

Motodaka: The next one is to describe in one word our relationship. Shall we it say at once!? Ready, set, go!

Sugeta: "Consultation partner!"

Motodaka: "Comrade!"...Aah (LOL).

Sugeta: When Rinne is not interactive, right? You always try to symphatize with me.

Motodaka: It is a situation where I'll be made to ask, "Did something happen?" You are little bit annoying type of person (LOL).

Sugeta: Fairly, I am easy to understand.

Motodaka: That makes me slightly sullen (LOL).

Sugeta: What do you mean by comrade?

Motodaka: After we each did different projects, we end up in the same unit.

Sugeta: I see. The 3rd question is about how much we watch each other's tv appearances. Let's answer in percentage. Is that good? Let's answer it?

Motodaka: Ready, set, go..."80%"!

Sugeta: "90%"! That was close ~! Rinne records the quiz shows every week. Since I also want to try appearing in tv shows, so I watch shows that I have the possibility to appear in. I almost watch all of the shows where Katsuki appear too.

Motodaka: Me too, more than the shows where I appear, I overwhelmingly watch more shows where Rinne appear than mine. But I can't watch it in real time so I answered "80%".

Sugeta: Rinne watch the shows multiple times because Rinne loves appearing in shows.

Motodaka: I watch shows where I think I did good in recording.

Sugeta: Certainly! I think if I'm not in good shape during the recording, I will not watch it that much. By the way, I still watch my appearance in 「SASUKE」until now (LOL). Everyone watched it during the rehearsal for ARASHI-san's concert, right?

Motodaka: That was exciting~!

Sugeta: I watch with my family Katsuki's appearance in quiz shows. When Rinne got the right answer even though Katsuki didn't, I noisily go, "Why didn't Katsuki got it right?" (LOL).

Motodaka: That's natural for a quiz show. It's tough but that's my fate...

SASAKI TAIKO x KONNO TAIKI

CLEANING AFTER TAIKO CHALLENGE...

Konno: Our best memory, let's say our answers after the go signal! "Fireworks in Odaiba."

Sasaki: "Amusement park!" Ah~that one~ (LOL). The one where we watched fireworks!!

Konno: That was around 4-5 years ago already, right?

Sasaki: That was close to the end of summer.

Konno: Yabana, me, Sakuchan (Sakuma Ryuto) and you (Taiko) were there.

Sasaki: The fireworks were really beautiful. We could see it from the restaurant. Although it is a beautiful memory, it didn't come to my mind~!

Konno: Well, the amusement park is also a good memory. (Takahashi) Yuto and (Iwasaki) Taisho were there too. Everyone went to places like haunted house, it was really fun~(LOL).

Sasaki: There was a collaboration with 「Kurosaki-kun no Iinari ni Nante Naranai」right at that time. I wanted to ride Kurosaki-kun's gondola no matter what so I rode the ferris wheel around 3 times. That was fun~.

Konno: Next, "Describe in one word your relationship." Ready, set, go..."close friends!"

Sasaki: "Consulatation partner!" Well, we said 2 different things but they mean the same thing.

Konno: Yeah. Since we are always together, our trust with each other is not just on the shallow level.

Sasaki: Even the things that I can't tell to other people, I talk about those with Konpi (Konno). I generally give positive advices to Konpi. When he consults to me saying, "I want to try this but...," I reply, "I think that's great." I think that we won't know the result until we try it so it is better to freely do it.

Konno: For the last question, with the theme that's only for us 2, "What is the best Taiko Challenge episode?" Let's match our answers time.

Sasaki: Okay. Ready, set, go!

Konno and Sasaki: "Shampoo!" Ye~y! (High five)

Konno: That is a masterpiece.

Sasaki: It has the most number of likes and plays.

Konno: The one with cola is also good but if it's the best, then it's gotta be the content with shampoo.

Sasaki: The content with cola became known but even I myself think that the content with shampoo is a masterpeiece. I planned that 2 weeks before the filming. I thought that I'll do that on my birthday. And then, Akarui Tonikaku-san did that in the variety show.

Konno: What a timing (LOL).

Sasaki: I was troubled, "Uwa, seriously! It overlaps with my plan!", but since I wanted to do it so I took the risk and did it.

Konno: Well, that is the best. I like the part where you poured the water to yourself, but what happened to your room?

Sasaki: It got wet. In Johnny's stages, when we use water, the water flows into the orchestra pit (a space that is lower than the main stage), but in my house there's no such system like that!

Konno: AHAHAHA!

Sasaki: That's why with a drainer similar to the one used in cleaning the windows, I cleaned the room by making the water flow into the veranda. Cleaning the mess afterwards was miserable (LOL).

RECENT HAPPENINGS

Sugeta Rinne: I can now do 70kg of bench press! I thought of doing a bench press that is about my weight, but I am happy that I was able to do 10 more kilos from my weight. Since I still do 3 reps x 3 sets, so I want to increase the number.

Motodaka Katsuki: There are also 4th year undergraduates in the graduate school seminar. It was my first time meeting them recently, and I feel excited that they're my juniors. Until now, there are seniors that I am close with, but I don't have a junior who is close with me. I wonder if they'll be close with me!?

Nakamura Reia: My dad gave me the latest game console for my birthday. The controller is amazing that the vibration changes when the character is walking in grassy place and when the character is walking in soil. I don't have that much games for it yet but I want to play with it a lot.

Yabana Rei: A little while ago, I went to watch Rinne's 「Hidamari no Ki」(the show ended) in Osaka. I wasn't able to go in Tokyo shows but it was really popular so I really had to see it. I also watched Sexy Zone's concert the next day, it was a fulfilling trip.

Konno Taiki: When I'm at home or when I'm on the move, I only listen to western music. In someway or another, it looks like I have a phase for Japanese music and western music, and now I am into western music. I keep repeating the songs that I like more than broadening the songs that I know. There are a lot of songs by male artists [that I listen to].

Sasaki Taiko: I have fully mastered the stores in the suburbs of Tokyo that sell in large quantities! Depending on the store, the proportion varies and that excites me~. For example, 800 yen for 24 bottles 500 mL of water, there are great deals and it is super fun. I also bought toilet paper that I split with my friend.

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fandomrewrites · 4 years

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Season 2; Episode 3: Ice Pick

Hello all! I’m back home from my vacation so I’ll be back to updating every Monday but I figured since I missed last week I would post a chapter today! I hope you all enjoy and as always constructive criticism is welcomed!

Season 2; Episode 3: Ice Pick

Pairings: Scott McCall x Twin Sister, Lydia Martin x Best Friend

Warnings: Nothing

Word Count: 2,220

Season 2 Masterlist

Today was the day we were rock climbing in gym class. I was standing next to Lydia and Stiles as we watched Allison and Scott climb the wall. Allison and Scott slowly made their way up the wall, clearly talking to each other. After about a minute they start racing the other up, Scott using his supernatural abilities to stay just above Allison. When Allison looks to see Scott by her side, she quickly kicks his foot away from the wall. She smiles triumphantly seeing him fall back to the ground, the safety line stopping him right before he slams into the mat.

I smirk as Coach leans down to speak to my brother, “McCall, I don’t know why, but your pain gives me a special kind of joy.” He straightens back out and turns around to address the class, “All right, next two. Stilinski. Erica. Let’s go.”

Stiles happily steps up towards the mat, getting on his harness and safety lines without a problem.

Nervously, Erica Reyes, a skinny girl with dull blue eyes and fizzy blonde hair, steps up beside him. As soon as they are both safely attached to the harness and cables they start climbing.

Stiles has no problem quickly reaching the top and making his way back down. Erica on the other hand, has made it about a quarter of the way up and stays frozen to the spot. As we all gaze up at her Coach starts speaking, “Erica? You okay? Dizzy? Vertigo?”

Next to me Lydia sighs, “Vertigo’s a dysfunction of the vestibular system of the inner ear. She’s just freaking out.”

I lightly elbow her, I’ve never talked to Erica, hell I barely even knew she exists since she’s never been in my friend group, but I still don’t want people to make fun of someone with a fear.

Once again Coach calls out, “Erica!”

“I’m fine!” She shakily calls out, still frozen on the rock wall.

“Coach, maybe it’s not safe. You know she’s epileptic.” Allison speaks up.

“She is? Why the hell doesn’t anyone tell me these things? Erica, you’re good. Push off. I’ll ease you down.” Erica is still frozen, the only thing she moves is her eyes, squeezing them shut.

“Erica just let go.” Coach calls up once more. Finally, Erica gently pushes off the wall. She grasps tightly to the safety line as Coach eases her from the wall. Her feet hit the mat and she shakily gets out of the harness, “That’s it. Erica. Shake it off.”

A few kids snicker at her as she walks to the back of the crowd. Sighing, I step up to the wall with Lydia by my side. I turn to her, smirking, “Race you to the top?”

There is a mischievous glint in her eyes as she replies, “It’s on.”

*_*_*_*_*_*

Now in the locker room, I was changing out of my gym clothes with Allison and Lydia nearby. “You’re coming with us tonight, right?”

I look over at Lydia and immediately shake my head. “What? Why?”

“Well Allison and Scott are going to be together, and even though you don’t like him like that Stiles and you will be together.”

Lydia pulls her lips into a pout, “That’s not happening and you know it.”

I roll my eyes but before I can say anything Allison speaks, “Nothing has to happen, but the point is that you two did go to the dance together and he does like you. (Y/N) doesn’t want to be a fifth wheel.”

I nod my head, agreeing with the hunter. “You won’t be the fifth wheel! Stiles would be.” Lydia exclaims with a bright smile lighting up her face.

I shake my head, a laugh escaping, “I am not getting in between whatever weird relationship you and Stiles have.”

Lydia dramatically sighs, “Then bring a date! There are plenty of guys on the lacrosse team that would love to go out with you!”

I scrunch my nose up at the thought, “No thanks. I’m living my life and I do not need a man in it to be happy.” I pause pulling my shirt over my head, “Plus, Nate really screwed me over and no matter how much I want to move on, I know it wouldn’t be fair to whoever I go out with. I’m just not ready to start dating yet.”

Lydia’s shoulders sagged as we made our way out of the locker room and back into the gym, “You girls have fun though.” I smile, trying to cheer Lydia up.

Just as I finished speaking we looked up and saw Scott running towards the rock wall, making it just in time to catch Erica from hitting the ground.

*_*_*_*_*_*

I sat with the girls at lunch, Lydia still trying to convince me to come with them to the ice rink tonight. Before I could speak and tell her no once more the cafeteria doors burst open, our heads all swivel to look at whoever enters.

The girl has a face full of makeup, styled blonde hair, a tight black skirt, showing off her long legs, a white tank top and black heels. “What. The holy hell. Is that?” Lydia asks.

Scott’s eyebrows knit together, “That’s Erica.” He states from the table next to us.

As the exchange is happening, Erica reaches down grabbing an apple from another student’s tray. She bites into it, then quickly turns on her heel and walks out the doors. Scott, Stiles and I quickly move after her.

We follow her to the front of the school where she exists, walking down the steps and into a black Camaro, Derek Hale sitting behind the wheel.

“So what? He’s just turning a bunch of teenagers?” Stiles asks.

Scott gulps, “He’s forming a pack.”

*_*_*_*_*_*

I sit at my desk writing an essay for class. I’m so focused that I don’t hear my mom walk into the room behind me, “Working on homework?”

I jump at the sound of her voice, “God, mom! Don’t do that.”

She chuckles gently, “Sorry.”

Turning to look at my mom who sits on my bed, I answer, “Yeah, I have an essay for English due in a couple of days.”

She nods, “Scott’s not home?”

I shake my head, “He’s with Stiles.”

“You didn’t want to go with them?” She asks.

“Not today. I figured they should have some guy time.”

“What about Lydia?”

“She’s on a date. She tried to set me up so we could go on a double date like we used to but I said no.”

“Well why not? I’m sure there are plenty of guys from school that would love to go out with you.”

I sighed and stood up to sit next to my mother. I laid my head on her lap as she started playing with my hair, “Well-” I hesitate before speaking up again, “I know that what Nate did was horrible, but I can’t help but still care about him.”

“Oh sweetie, you loved him. He broke your heart. It’s going to take some time for you to move on and that is okay.” My eyes started to get misty as I rapidly blink, refusing to cry.

“I know I just- I don’t want to care about him anymore. He doesn’t deserve my love.”

My mother smiled sadly, “No, he doesn’t. But I think it’s beautiful, how deeply you care and love. That’s something to cherish (Y/N).” She paused for a minute, continuing to run her hand through my long locks, “It’s alright to feel broken sometimes and someday you will find someone who looks at you like you put the stars in the sky. And when that day comes and all the days leading up until then, I will be by your side.”

I sat up and pulled her into a tight hug, “I love you so much, mommy.”

“I love you too.”

*_*_*_*_*_*

At lunch the next day I sat near Allison and Lydia, like most days. “How was the date last night? I never got the chance to ask.” I look at the two girls waiting for an answer.

“It was nice to be able to go on a date again.” Allison smiled.

I turned to Lydia, “I surprisingly had a good time. But that may just be because I’m good at ice skating.”

I smirk, “Are you sure it’s not because Stiles was there?”

Lydia rolls her eyes, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“I don’t know why you won’t give him a chance. He practically worships the ground you walk on. He’ll treat you like a queen.”

“I don’t like him like that. And once again, I’m going to ask. If you have such high praise for him why don’t you date him?”

I shake my head, “One it would be weird considering he’s practically another brother. And two I’m not ready to date again, which you already know.”

Lydia gently grabs my hand, “(Y/N/N) I know that you’re hurt about how Nate treated you but you need to move on. He’s not worth it and there are so many people at this school alone that have crushes on you.”

“She’s right you know.” Allison pipes up.

“Not you too.” I groan, looking at the hunter.

“Listen, I get it. You loved Nate and it’s going to take some time to fully get over him. But as long as the guys that you go on dates with understand that you aren’t ready for a real relationship, what’s the harm?” Allison says.

I sigh, “I guess there is no harm to going on dates if they’re aware of where I stand. I just don’t want to lead someone on.”

“That’s why you tell them the truth from the beginning. I mean I’m pretty sure everyone in the school knows what happened between you and Nate anyway. I’m sure whoever you choose to date will understand.” Allison smiles.

“Or you could have some fun.” Lydia shrugs,

I raise an eyebrow, “You mean don’t tell them anything and just lead them on?”

“No. I mean don’t do dates but become friends with benefits with someone.”

I laugh, “I’ll pass, Lyds.”

“It’s just an option.” She hums, a small smile on her face.

*_*_*_*_*_*

Just as school lets out Scott and Stiles filled me in on what they knew about Derek’s new pack. “So he’s going after Boyd?” I question.

Scott nods, “I’m going to head to the ice rink to see if he’s at work. Stiles is heading to his house.”

I nod, “I would volunteer to come with one of you but I promised Lydia I would hang out today. Be careful, both of you.” The two brunettes nod as we go our separate ways.

“There you are.” Lydia says as I meet her by her car.

“Sorry, I was talking with Scott and Stiles.”

“I’m happy you said yes to a girl’s afternoon. I feel like we haven’t hung out in forever. Just the two of us, I mean.”

I smile, “I know. I miss our girl days.”

Once we made it to her house we grabbed some snacks from the kitchen and headed up to her room. “Okay so I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” Lydia says as we sit next to each other on her bed.

“If this is about trying to set me up you already know how I feel about that.”

“Okay, one, I figured Allison and I convinced you to give dating a try. And two, it’s not about that.”

“If I do give dating a try, I want it to be with someone I choose. Not someone you set me up with. Bit that’s beside the point, what was it that you wanted to talk about.”

Lydia sighs, “I told the others not to tell you but I hate hiding things from you.” She pauses as I knit my eyebrows together in confusion. “Something happened at the ice rink yesterday.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well- It’s hard to explain.” Lydia bites her lip.

I reach for her hand to provide some sort of comfort, “Hey, it’s alright. Take your time.”

She nods, “I don’t really know what happened but one minute everything was fine and the next I was on my knees looking at the ice and screaming.” She gulps before she continues, “I think it might have something to do with when I went missing.”

“Maybe it’s your mind trying to remember what happened.” I suggest.

“It could be.” She replies hesitantly. “I just feel like a freak. Everyone was so worried about me and I couldn’t even give them an explanation of what happened.”

“Well trust me, Scott, Stiles, and Allison will not look at you like you’re a freak. Plus, even if they did, they’ll have to look at me like I’m a freak. ‘Cause I’m never leaving your side, no matter how freaky you may become.” I gently smile at my best friend.

Lydia starts smiling at my words, “I guess we’ll just have to be gorgeous freaks together.”

“Always.” I pull her into a tight hug. We both fall onto her mattress as we laugh at the other.

#teen wolf imagine #series rewrite #sister mccall imagine #lydia martin imagine

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somedayonbroadway · 4 years

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hii! i hope i don’t sound annoying by asking this, but i love your writing so much! i know you did a deaf race angst story a while back, i loved it so much and deaf race is probably my new favourite hc so, if you don’t mind, could you do some more deaf race hcs please? thank you!

Okay, first of all, I get a lot of you guys apologizing for sending asks and I just need to send out a PSA real quick:

Ya’ll are never annoying. I love the questions. Every time I see a new ask I literally can’t help but smile. As long as you aren’t spreading hate, I’m here for all the questions and prompts and everything because I LOVE THEM!

ALSO! I know this took me a long time to answer, so I’m sorry for the wait! (I currently have about 45 asks, so patience is much appreciated!)

Okay, Anon, so yes, deaf!Race is one of my favorite modern HCs. I haven’t written anything with it in a long time and I miss it.

So here we go…

In modern era where Jack and Race are brothers…

Race was born deaf.

Their parents love him so much but are a little upset by this fact, though they learn sign language.

Jack learned sign language too. He’s very excited about it, but he’s more excited to have a baby brother.

Jack and Race are seven years apart in age.

Growing up, they’re happy

Race is homeschooled by his parents. He has no idea that people outside of their house don’t use their hands to communicate.

But when Race is six, his whole family gets into a crash. Mother dies on impact, father dies upon arriving at the hospital and Jack is in critical condition and is kept in the hospital for a month before he’s released to social services.

During this time, Race realizes that people expect him to be able to communicate and talk to them. He tries but no one knows his language.

It takes three days for Race to get an interpreter. Since he’s not seriously hurt, no one sees it as a priority and even though it’s bad to not get an interpreter immediately, Race can’t argue with them. He’s only six. And no one else knows him or is willing to fight for him.

Once Mr. Kloppman gets there, he tears the staff a new one for not getting this kid an interpreter immediately and then sits with Race in Jack’s room, realizing that this little boy was all alone and didn’t even really know that both of his parents were dead.

Growing up in the system is hard. Jack’s right arm broke in the crash. He has to learn to sign with his left for a couple months so that he can talk to Race.

The first few homes are group homes. No one knows Sign. So Jack and Race are often outcast. The other kids don’t want to bother trying to talk with Jack because Jack refuses to talk without signing so Race can understand.

Their foster parents are already overwhelmed so they don’t cater to the boys at all, thinking they’d just figure out how things worked.

The longest they stay in one home in the first year is a month.

When Race has to start going to school, he realizes that sign language isn’t something that most people just know. Jack and him have to go to different schools and no one understands him. So he often sits alone and doesn’t bother trying to make friends. It’s easy because a small kid like him gets ignored often.

Outside of school Jack sticks to Race like glue, knowing that at some point, someone’s going to try and separate them and Jack can’t handle that. He knows that it’ll just make it worse for Race too.

Eventually, a year after the accident, they end up at the home of a William Snyder.

Race knows immediately that he doesn’t like this home. The man hit Jack on the first day.

Snyder doesn’t like it when Race signs. He says it’s not normal.

He’s the reason Race can read lips.

It starts with just a small slap anytime he’d sign but quickly escalated to getting his hands tied down

Jack and him are forced to sleep in different rooms for the first time in their lives.

Snyder goes hard on Jack because he knows that Race won’t hear Jack screaming. And when he beats on Race, he makes sure so gag him somehow.

Jack teaches Race English anyway he can, trying to help his brother escape the beatings and getting his hands tied down. Snyder hates it when he can’t understand.

Snyder has them for the money.

Race isolates even further into himself because Jack isn’t allowed to sign with him.

At this point, Jack is only fourteen. He can’t do much to stop it other than things that aggravate Snyder even more, like fight back.

On an unrelated note, there’s locks on all the cupboards and the fridge so Jack and Race can only have food if Snyder unlocks them.

Also, if Race can’t sign with Jack he likes to put a hand on Jack’s chest or neck to feel him talk to him

Anyways

Jack and Race are with Snyder for almost a full year before someone notices the bruises on Race realizing for the first time that he’s deaf and mute.

After that, Race and Jack are fully separated.

This just about breaks Race. He’s only almost eight and the one constant he’d had in his life was ripped away from him.

He falls into a depression. Even though his foster parents are kind and know sign, he doesn’t talk to them. He usually just lays around in his room on his bed, not wanting to move.

Meanwhile Jack is in a home with Miss Medda and a boy already adopted by the woman named Charlie.

Race grows up thinking he’s broken after his parents die. He believes that no one can really love him because he can’t hear and no one else that he meets is deaf

He stops signing for a long time because he and Jack can’t see each other for a few months. And when they get a meeting time and a promise to be able to see each other once a week, Race just goes to Jack and cries.

Medda tries to take Race in but their social worker sees no reason to move Race, especially when his foster parents know sign and Medda doesn’t.

His foster parents start to get irritated with him when he won’t sign or even try to communicate with them. They’re nice people, but even nice people have their limits.

His foster mother would push him into a wall one night.

Race would run away.

They’d call the cops and Medda who would tell Jack. Jack would immediately go out to find him.

He’d find him sitting alone in a park with a single newspaper for warmth.

Jack wouldn’t try to talk to him. He’d just sit there with him and Race would lean into him, not understanding why the world had chosen him to be so different.

Eventually, he just starts hanging out at Medda’s a lot anyway, because his foster parents realize that after he spends time with Jack, he’s happier and more relaxed.

Medda would teach Race how to play the piano and the guitar.

While Race never could hear what he was playing, feeling the vibrations and reading music would calm his nerves.

By this time Race is about nine. Jack is sixteen. And Jack’s foster brother, Charlie, is eleven.

It takes a long while, but eventually, about three months after Race runs away, Crutchie sits down next to him. Race doesn’t think anything of it at first, but Crutchie eventually turns to him starts signing to him.

It’s the first kid close to Race’s age that even makes an effort to try and communicate with him.

Him and Charlie are fast friends after that.

For two years, Charlie is Race’s only real friend.

When Jack turns eighteen, he adopts Race immediately.

They move down the street from Medda so Race can go to the same school. One that Race hates. The teachers never go slow enough for him to understand, his classmates call him stupid and constantly bully and belittle him. He’s often roughed up by other kids who take his backpack and dump out its belongings and then throw them everywhere while they make sure Race is on the ground.

It isn’t until Race is almost twelve that another boy comes to the school. Albert.

Albert isn’t deaf. One of his brothers is and his father is. So he knows sign language

Much like Race, Albert didn’t know that the rest of the world communicated verbally until he was forced into public school

While he does know English, he’s not very good at it, but he realizes that Race struggles to keep up with the teachers so he does his best to help him understand.

Albert and Race are inseparable from that point on.

And as we all know, Albert and Race love to cause trouble wherever they go.

As they get older they grow closer together and they love to tease bullies.

This eventually leads to a very bad fight between them and Oscar Delancey, a boy they can’t stand, where Race ends up with a broken wrist

Needless to say, it’s a bit too close to being back with Snyder and being tied down.

This happens when Race is fourteen.

He falls back into a short depression, not wanting to go to school which prompts Albert to break in through his window to talk to him.

That makes Race happy because at least he has a friend this time.

A certain football player in high school has a crush on Race.

Yes it’s Spot.

Yes he begs Albert to teach him sign so that he can talk to Race.

And that’s what I’ve got.

Let me know if y’all wanna see more deaf!Race or a deaf!Race scene or whump scene or anything!

Thank you so much, Anon!

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