#wow im so happy to be writing with claire again!!!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rizahawkais · 3 years

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I LOVED season 1 and 2 of the crown but found season 3 quite dull and difficult to get through. I'm enjoying season 4 (still havent finished bc I watch with my family and we're rarely all together) but I think that the earlier seasons were a lot better in my opinion

hi! i completely agree w you!

I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY! I replied to this the day you sent it but my laptop crashed and I lost everything I wrote so I put off till now!

All in all, the writing for the first two seasons were WAY better. My ranking is s2 > s1 > s4 >>>>> s3. In my opinion, season three was kind of terrible.

hahaha this is so so long.

In the first two seasons each episode’s mini story for the day was actually INTERESTING. Like, I loved where one episode was about the Mountbatten name and then the next was about the Great Smog! But, there was always an overarching plot and it always added up in the end. S1, S2 and S4 all had an overarching plot that worked! S1 was balancing family and the crown. S2 was balancing prime ministers and her husband. S4 was the downfall of Margaret Thatcher and Charles/Diana. S3 LITERALLY HAD NO PLOT! It was just a bunch of stories put together. The finale for season 3 was about the end of Margaret’s marriage! And although, it is an important event in the family’s history the fact that it was the finale episode????

Anyways, Season 3 genuinely just sucks. Season 4 is REALLY good. Yet, it still doesn’t leave as much of an affect on me like the earlier seasons. AND LIKE I KNOW BECAUSE I’VE REWATCHED THE FIRST THREE SEASONS SO MANY TIMES. I’ve only seen the fourth once because I’m too busy and it’s also too early for me to rewatch it. So, maybe my opinion of season 4 will change!

Now, because I am extra 😈😈 and crazy I will talk about every single episode IN ORDER. hehehehehehe. feel free to hate me

SEASON ONE

101 Wolferton Splash - 10/10 this episodes just sets everything up! we see how happy the marriage is and how loving king george is and we also see the FORSHADOWING!! we see lilibet and phillip making their life thinking they had time when we know they don’t and it’s just :( AN AMAZING PILOT EPISODE WITH AMAZING QUOTES!

102 Hyde Park Corner - 1000/10 this episode needs no explanation. the suspense and DRAMA right before lilibet finds out about her dad ALWAYS gets me!!

103 Windsor - 10/10 I hated this episode the first time I watched it! I didn’t understand the importance of her uncle and I didn’t understand the complexity behind the episode. I was 14 when I saw this episode for the first time! So, mind you I was quite ignorant. but, david basically represents the audience in the show for those who hate the monarchy and call them out on their hypocrisy. BUT DAVID IS A TERRIBLE PERSON! FUCK DAVID! i understand hating the monarchy and for him i know it was personal but the way he talks about his family in the letters UGHUGHGUHGUHGUHGUH this man is evil! there’s also the other story in the episode about the mountbatten name which is so brilliant!

104 Act of God - 15/10 this episode was boring on first watch but I WAS FOURTEEN! this episode took a break from the monarchy and concentrated on a british national horrific event THAT WAS IMPORTANT and i liked how it connected throughout the episode and all that and the CINEMATOGRAPHY OMGGGGG! anyways, something that pisses me off about this episode is that the crown kind of has the same kind of audience as euphoria! they only care about a hot actor or iconic character or the aesthetics AND THAT MAKES ME ANGRY! bc those are the ppl who call this episode the boring fog episode and the latest episode of euphoria a waste of time! they don’t understand the importance of what their watching. an event that killed hundreds by something that could have been avoided bc of science and for euphoria an ongoing pandemic of an ugly world and its affect on ppl not wanting to go on! IM SORRY THIS TURNED INTO A RANT but this episode is important in reminding audiences that disasters can be avoided but also once they happen anything can happen THIS WAS A SAD EPISODE OKAY AND I LOVED VENETIA SCOTT!

105 Smoke and Mirrors - 100/10 THE CORONATION EPISODE! Phillip tries to bring it to the common public and all the fighting between them just makes the coronation even more impactful when we watch it!

106 Gelignite - 8/10 I DESPISED MARGARET IN THE FIRST SEASON i saw her as a spoiled brat who wanted to marry her dad’s assistant! AND ALSO HOW DID SHE NOT REALIZE THERE WAS DEFINITE GROOMING INVOLVED! this episode is generally very good but margaret just pisses me off a lot! however, her not being able to marry peter boresend shouldn’t have been because of his divorcee status but bc he simply was a predator in anyone’s clear eyes IM SORRY IF YOU DISAGREE BUT SHE MET HIM SO YOUNG NO WAY THERE WAS NO GROOMING good episode but pissed off at margaret’s lack of critical thinking besides but I WANT HIMMMMM LIKE I WANT EVERYTHING

107 Scientia Potentia Est - 11/10 hated this when i first watched it! but now one of my favorites! lilibet feels dumb and needs a tutor! prime minister and wannabe prime minister have health problems and keep it from her! lilibet finds out by accident and they all get yelled at! I LOVE WHEN SHE YELLS AT MEN!

108 Pride & Joy - 10/10 this episode is just adds on to the overarching plot of the season: balancing the crown and family. margaret says disrespectful things to ppl who don’t deserve it in place of lilibet while she’s on the commonwealth tour fighting with her husband! then lilibet scorns margaret and we see an ugly papa loved me more argument! absolutely brilliant!

109 Assassins - 1000/10 hated it the first time but now I LOVE THIS EPISODE! it’s the painting and porchey episode and churchill leaving episode. It’s so so so good! i honestly have no words to describe the brilliance of this episode besides the acting done by almost the entire main cast CLAIRE WOW! MATT WOW! STEPHEN (THE PAINTER) WOW! JOHN WOW! HARRIET WOW! when we see the painting getting burned coincided w the downing st dinner GETS ME EVERYTIME I LOVE IT SO SO MUCH!

110 Gloriana - 100/10 the climactic fight between the crown and family! which will lilibet choose?? and the foreshadowing to suez MWAH!

SEASON TWO

201 Misadventure - 100/10 LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS EPISODE the cutesy lilibet and phillip until it all goes down WOW! and the suez stuff i love it all

202 A Company of Men - 100/10 this is where i think mike’s wife starts snooping or it’s the next episode BUT THIS IS WHERE SOMETHING BEGINS FOR SURE first of all it foreshadows the episode later in the season about philip’s childhood AND MATT’S ACTING!! it’s too good for words!

203 Lisbon - 100/10 i like it when they fight lol that’s the only way i know how to describe why i love it LILIBET WAS EXCITED TO SEE HIM AND SO WAS HE but then mike ruined it by being a disgraceful and dishonest man RUINING EVERYTHING

204 Beryl - 10/10 i start to like margaret bc i feel bad for her! she’s suffering she’s sad that her lil predator boyfriend is no longer w her but look who it is MATTHEW GOODE! he not suspicious at all but the writers are like here take 20 minutes of perfect chemistry between the actors!

205 Marionettes - 100/10 I LOVE THIS EPISODE basically someone who loves the monarchy insults the monarchy and lilibet actually goes to listen to them! w resistance of course but she still took everything he said to fix the monarchy !

206 Vergangenheit - 1000/10 one of my favorites! i didn’t know about david’s nazi past so when i watched this episode for the first time i was completely baffled! another episode where she yells at a man!!!! i’m always annoyed in this episode tho by all the talk from the priest about forgiveness bc im like why would u want to forgive david for being a nazi?? but i think it was intentional by the writers to show the importance of understanding forgiveness and the grounds for it! THIS EPISODE IS JUST PERFECT IM ANNOYED BC I DON’T WANT TO FORGIVE HIM

207 Matrimonium - 9/10 this episode is amazing BEFORE you’ve seen season three bc you root for margaret and tony! but, also throughout the episode there’s all that tony and family and his gf and bf stuff that you think is going to lead somewhere but doesn’t??? like what was the point of introducing his mother and his relationships if it was going nowhere and not even mentioned in season 3??? LIKE WHAT WAS THE POINT WHAT WAS THE REASON? but, also there’s lilibet and phillip fluff in this episode I LOVE

208 Dear Mrs. Kennedy - 10/10 this episode is fun as an american bc i think jackie kennedy and jfk are so idolized here in america it was so interesting to see this other pov! BUT I ALSO REALLY LOVED LILIBET DANCING W NKRUMAH! I THOUGHT IT WAS SO CUTE AND THE MARTIN CHARTERIS STUFF LEADING UP TO IT WAS SO FUNNY!

209 Paterfamilias - 100000/10 no words. IT WAS SO SMART TO PARALLEL PHILIP AND CHARLES this has a lower rating than the previous episode which makes no sense but only goes to prove the idolization of jackie and jfk

210 Mystery Man - 100/10 EVERYTHING FROM THE FIRST EPISODE IS ADDRESSED IN THIS EPISODE THE SEASON COMES FULL CIRCLE JUST LIKE SEASON ONE DID AND SEASON THREE DID NOT DO THAT AND SEASON FOUR DID IT TOO BUT NO WHERE AS GREATLY

every single episode of seasons two has a 9+ rating from me!

SEASON THREE (worst season)

301 Olding - 5/10 weak starter but good for introducing olivia as lilibet and harold wilson and departing churchill BUT THAT’S IT! like the whole spy thing just went bleh LIKE IT HAD POTENTIAL but it needed early seasons writing not third season writing techniques TOBIAS DID A GREAT JOB THO IN THIS EPISODE HE WAS A GREAT RECAST FOR PHILIP

302 Margaretology - 6/10 okay. just okay. margaret kind of bratty but you actually feel bad for her then she gets bratty again and then you feel bad for her again and the scenarios in the episode just didn’t feel real like the whole lyndon b johnson was so jealous of jfk that he was rude to the queen so they sent margaret JUST DIDN’T MAKE SENSE like i know this show is fictional but the fiction tends to be believable until i research the episode afterwards BUT FOR THIS it just didn’t make sense

303 Aberfan - 1000/10 ONE OF THE GOOD EPISODES OF THE SEASON! those first fifteenish minutes??? TEARS! i never knew about aberfan until this episode and seeing this episode made me cry!

304 Bubbikins - 10000/10 THIS EPISODE IS TECHNICALLY NOT AS GOOD AS THE ABERFAN EPISODE BUT THIS IS A PERSONAL PREFERENCE we meet anne and alice in this episode AND I LOVE BOTH OF THEM (erinsdoherty is my current url!) this episode is so sad and sweet at the same time and loving bc i’m a sucker for philip’s back story!

305 Coup - 8/10 this had potential I FEEL LIKE IF THEY WROTE THIS EPISODE DIFFERENTLY LIKE HOW THEY WROTE ONE OF THE SUEZ EPISODE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER the fact that it all went to nothing and nothing basically happened WHAT WAS THE POINT

306 Tywysog Cymru - 1000/10 this episode made me like charles! what a horrendous statement! but, like i thought his relationship w his tutor was so heartwarming and he actually seemed to care and all that and it just all in all MADE ME HAPPY like this episode isn’t sad it’s a happy episode until the last scene w lilibet BUT YEA they gave us this one good episode until we hate him which i appreciate makes the story telling better

307 Moondust - -100/10 hate this episode LIKE GENUINELY HATE IT HATE HATE HATE and tbh im generally very very nice w my opinions ANYWAYS I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THIS EPISODE BUT IT WAS SO STUPID LIKE THE ASTRONAUTS BEING ASSHOLES WAS STUPID PHILIP BEING AN ASSHOLE TO THE PRIESTS WAS STUPID LIKE PHILIP IS AN ASSHOLE BUT IT’S BEHIND PEOPLE’S BACKS AND THEN THEY KILLED ALICE OFF SCREEN I HATE THIS EPISODE

308 Dangling Man - -1000/10 HATE THIS ONE TOO this episode convinced me that the writers for the first two seasons to this season has changed all of a sudden we forget that david was basically a nazi and the charles we met two episodes ago sees him as exactly like this uncle who he swore he would be nothing like to the people of wales??? LIKE WHO WROTE THIS THEY WERE DOING CRACK WHILE WRITING THIS EPISODE and i felt NOTHING during the lilibet and david goodbye WHACK EPISODE TERRIBLE JUST BAD TERRIBLE

309 Imbroglio - 5/10 episode started off good but then just went a lil too crazy by making it seem like a whole secret spy mission going behind lilibet’s back

310 Cri de Cour - 4/10 bad just bad HBC GOOD ACTRESS AMAZING ACTRESS given bad material like NONE OF THIS FEELS CONNECTED THIS STORY IS ALL RANDOM AND WE HAD A WHOLE EPISODE ABOUT MARGARET AND TONY AND WE DON’T EVEN MENTION ANY OF THE CRAZY STUFF FROM THE LAST SEASON BUT WE CONCENTRATE ON MARGARET BEING A SUGAR MAMA MAKES SENSE YALL

once again i hate season three

SEASON FOUR

401 Gold Stick- 8/10 written weirdly but had GOOD SCENES such as meeting thatcher and diana! BUT THE SCENE STEALER WAS OBVIOUSLY MOUNTBATTEN’S DEATH AND PHILIP TELLING CHARLES THAT HE BECAME DICKIE’S SON INSTEAD OF HIM SAD STUFF so like the death was sad and dramatic and I FELT BAD but like i shouldn’t bc im south asian and mountbatten did bad stuff to us BUT IT DOESN’T CHANGE THE RIPPLE WE FELT

402 The Balmoral Test - 9/10 funny episode but needed early seasons’ writing

403 Fairytale - 9/10 good episode but needed early seasons’ writing BUT ALSO THAT SCENE BETWEEN CAMILA AND DIANA MWAH CHEF’S KISS THEY BOTH DESERVE ALL THE AWARDS but needed early seasons’ writing

404 Favourites - 7/10 this episode is good but frustrating bc u finally realize how terrible of a mother lilibet is BUT THE ANDREW STUFF WAS GOOD I AM GLAD THEY PUT THAT IN! i liked seeing thatcher’s non-existent relationship w her daughter NEEDED EARLY SEASONS’ WRITING

405 Fagan - 10/10 GOOD EPISODE I LIKE HOW WE WERE EMERSED IN FAGAN’S LIFE AND I LOVE THE ACTOR FOR FAGAN TOO AND I LIKE HOW IT WAS CONNECTED TO THATCHER AND FUELED THE OVERARCHING PLOT OF THE STORY!

406 Terra Nullius - 100/10 GOOD EPISODE CLOSEST TO EARLY SEASONS WRITING THAT’S WHAT MADE IT GOOD seeing them not get along and then get along and then not get along again through a series of montages made the episode brilliant!

407 The Hereditary Principle - 6/10 this episode. how do i explain? the material for this episode was absolutely perfect for the writers of the early seasons! POOR EXECUTION

408 48:1 - 100/10 i like the political episodes more than the family episodes SO THIS EPISODE IS SO BRILLIANT BC OF THE BACK AND FORTH AND I GOT TO SEE CLAIRE!!

409 Avalanche - 7/10 early season writers would have shown the arguing before the avalanche and diana’s reaction JUST SAYING

410 War - 9/10 THIS EPISODE HAD THE YELLING AT EACH OTHER SCENE THAT WAS SO GOOD BUT ANYWAYS THE PROBLEM W THIS EPISODE WAS THAT IT DRAGGED I FEEL LIKE THIS EPISODE AND THE ONE BEFORE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ONE EPISODE TOGETHER

ALAS, what i would like to say is that i feel that season 4 shouldn’t have been so diana centric! it was diana from the beginning of the season to the end! not, that i don’t love the whole diana story but it was dragged and i think she should have been introduced around the third/fourth episode of this season the same way tony was in season two! camilla should have arrived at the beginning of season 4 so that the intensity between camilla, charles and diana was more believable! if we season three wasn’t so spread out they could have had more brilliant episode.

OK HAHA I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS VERY LONG RANT ABOUT THE CROWN PLZ FORGIVE ME! AND IF U READ ALL THIS WOW! IDK WHAT TO SAY I THINK I TALK TOO MUCH HONESTLY :( anyways thank you for talking to me :)

#the crown #queen elizabeth #prince philip #princess margaret #princess anne #princess diana #prince charles #margaret thatcher #asks #i talk too much

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theokotrain · 3 years

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Vestige - Interlude: The Party

Wattpad Version

As the night fills the sky

All my fears are dissipating

'Cause I feel reassured

That I might make it through

And if all my luck should burn

Then I guess it burned for you

---

April 13th, 2012

I was sitting on my bed, back against the bed frame with my knees raised in front of me, holding up my laptop. I had been spending the last few hours writing an essay for my English class, specifically answering the topic question my teacher had given everybody: "How do our past experiences influence our decisions?". The question was simple enough, it's a pretty universally recognized idea that stuff that happens to us has an effect on our decision making. I mean, that's what it means to grow, right? You gain more knowledge as you live through life and form new memories, and that helps you make more informed decisions in the future.

I've never really been too good at writing anything analytical, especially non-fiction. Essays and research papers that required informed arguments that helped to prove your point? Those were an entirely unknown game to me, one which I had never managed to breeze through. Of course, we were supposed to use some of the books we've read this year as evidence for our arguments, so that at least made it a bit easier, even if most of the books were ones from nearly five decades ago and definitely out of touch at this point. The sound of my laptop's keys clicking as I typed away were the only sounds I could pick up in the room. I had my earphones in for a bit, but those always hurt my ears after a while, so I had taken them out.

Looking at the time in the corner of my laptop screen, it was 4:43 PM. I started writing as soon as I got home from class, so I've only been going for about an hour. Unfortunately, this essay is a non-insignificant amount of my course grade, so I needed to finish this as soon as possible.

God, it's a Friday! I could be out doing something actually fun with Shae and the other guys. Isn't that the whole point of high school? That's what it always seemed like in movies, at least, but I guess I've been a victim of false advertising.

After a bit more time passes, the sound of my phone ringing from my desk brings me out of my writing trance. I sigh, setting my laptop next to me on the bed, not wanting to get out of bed, but eventually forcing myself into maneuvering over to the desk, I grab the phone and flip it open, looking to see the Caller ID.

Shaela.

I instantly accept the call, it's almost second nature at this point. She calls me at least once a day so she can tell me about whatever person is pissing her off that day, or whatever drama she's heard from her other friends. I was never really one for gossip, or whatever, but I did appreciate talking to her.

I put the phone up to my ear, "What's up?" I say, a tinge of fatigue in my voice.

"Hey! Just warning you that I'm like five minutes from your place and you don't have a say in the matter." She replied bluntly. I can hear the sound of cars driving by on the other side of the phone, so she's obviously outside, confirming her words.

I take a deep breath before speaking, "...Why?" I said with exasperated sarcasm.

"Because! I have something to tell you, and if I say it over the phone then I seriously doubt it'll work out in the way I'm hoping it does."

"That clears up nothing, actually, and now I regret picking up."

"Even if you didn't answer, that doesn't stop your parents from letting their son's lovely goody-two-shoes of a friend stop by for a visit!" She exclaimed, a mischievous tone subtly layered in her voice.

She's not wrong.

"Wow, you make this sound like you're sneaking into a high-security building or something." I say, utterly confused at her motives. "Obviously you can come over, but I'm not exactly filled with confidence at whatever you're planning."

"Like I said, I can't tell you yet, but it's gonna be awesome!" She said. There was an unusual perkiness to her that made itself pretty clear over the phone.

Before I can say anything, I'm met with the dial tone, signalling that she had hung up. The only thing I can do at this point is wait for her to get here, I guess. She always lets herself in when she comes over, so I don't make the effort to meet her downstairs. A sudden ping sound fills the quiet room, seeming to come from my laptop. I get back into bed, looking to see where the notification came from.

It's a message from Tyler.

He's definitely the newest member of our little group, if even that. I'm the only person in the group that he's actually friends with so far, despite my efforts to bring him along on any plans we all make. I only met the Grey Wolf back in February, at the beginning of the second semester, in the school's photography class. Nobody I knew signed up for it, and due to our prestigious high school's advanced budget for technology, we were forced to be paired up for shared computer use in the Photography Room. I suppose Tyler was also fortunate enough to not know anybody in the class, as we ended up being paired together by the teacher. He was definitely someone I could only describe as uninterested, as the first week or two I spent with him in that class consisted of him either giving me one word answers or answering in the most blunt, bored tone he could manage. Though, it seemed that it took a bit of persistence on my part to push him to be more open, and since then he's grown to be a pretty great friend.

Tyler: u goin to that party tonight ive been hearin about?

Party? I wasn't made aware of anything like that, at least... not yet. Something in the back of my brain was telling me that Shae had ulterior motives about coming to my place so suddenly, but I'm still hoping that I'm wrong. I hate parties.

Jake: party? havent heard anything, are u going?

Tyler: thinkin about it

think its gonna be over at chris's place, guess his parents r gone for the weekend or somethin

Jake: chrisssss? ughh that guy is such an asshole

Tyler: yeah u dont havee to go, but itd prob be more fun to have someone u actually know there

The way he worded that was directed at me, but I could tell he didn't want to go on his own.

Jake: i guess ill think about it

Tyler: sickk, call me if u make up ur mind

Before I can type my farewells over IM, Shaela energetically bursts through the door.

"Jesus! You scared the shit outta me, don't you knock?" I said, mildly exasperated.

"Oh come on, I literally called you a few minutes ago, you had plenty of time to not make a situation where it'd be a bad idea for me to barge in," She replies, laughing, before setting her bag on the ground and dramatically falling into my bed. "Today was garbage."

"What happened?"

"Ugh, Claire decided to just not show up, I guess, on the day we're supposed to present that stupid History project? And, obviously, she didn't give me her part of the project or anything, so I had tell Mr Thomas about the situation, which was fucking embarrassing." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Luckily, he said he wouldn't reduce my grade for handing it in late, since I actually had my part finished. God, what a bitch- I must've called her like thirty times before class to get her to email me her part, and every time it went straight to voicemail - and she told me last night that she'd have it ready for today!"

"Have you gotten a hold of her yet?" I asked, closing my laptop and setting it beside me.

Shae turns her head to me, shaking her head, "Nope, she's been ghosting me all day."

"Sounds like typical Claire."

"Yeah, I shouldn't have partnered with her, but apparently I can't say no to anyone, so..." I chuckle lightly in response. "Anyways! I didn't just come here to complain to you!" She says, sitting up on the bed, now facing towards me.

"Right... So what was so important that you just had to tell me in person?" I say, sarcastically.

"Like I said, if I asked you over the phone you would've definitely said no, and my ability to pressure you into doing things isn't as effective unless it's in person!" She responded.

I subtly rolled my eyes, but it's clear she noticed from the stare-down she gave me, "Okay, so what is it?"

"Soooooo..." She says, trying to find the rest of the words, "There's a party."

Wow.

"Wh- did everybody know about that party except for me?!?" I exclaimed.

Shaela's face quickly turns to an expression of shock, "Who told you?"

"Tyler did, like, not even five minutes ago." I say, bluntly.

"What? How does he know Chris?"

"Friend-of-a-friend, I'm guessing?"

"Hmm..." She hummed, thinking about something, "So, did you tell him you were going?"

"I specifically said I'd think about it, nothing definite." I made it clear in my tone that I wasn't particularly interested.

"Oh, come on, dude! It'll be fun!"

I didn't really have an interest in going, but I know it'd make Shae happy, plus it'd be nice to hang out with Tyler again even if we've only known each other for a couple months.

"...Fine. But, if Chris or any of his buddies start shit, I'm leaving."

"Awesome!"

"Lemme just call Tyler and let him know," I said as I grabbed my phone and flipped it open, finding Tyler in my contact list and dialling.

"You gonna bring him with-" The phone rings a few times before he picks up and I extend my hand out towards Shae in a shushing motion. She rolls her eyes, smirking.

"Hey? So are ya gonna go?" He said eagerly.

"Well, Shae showed up at my door literally right after you messaged me, asking the same thing!" I exclaimed in a fake-preppy voice. "So, I guess I have no choice since she'll probably just drag me there if I say no," I joked. She nods her head toward me in response.

"Oh, is she going too?" He inquired.

"Yeah, I guess so! Your place is kinda on the way to Chris', so we could probably meet you at your place and go from there."

"Yeah! Sounds good!" He quickly responded.

I laughed, "Okay, we'll call you when we get there?"

"Sure thing!"

We exchanged our farewells, and hung up. The party wasn't for at least another hour or two, so Shae and I had some time to burn, of which I was entirely out of ideas. I figured I could at least spend this time actually being productive, so I grabbed my laptop and continued on writing my English essay as Shae resumed her previous conversation topic of stuff at school that was pissing her off. It was pretty entertaining, to be fair. She was telling me about how Chris had gotten in a fight with this other kid in our grade yesterday after class, which I wasn't lucky enough to witness, but it was obviously all anyone would talk about for basically the entire day today so word spread around fast. The part I hadn't heard about was that both Chris and the other guy, Nathan, got suspended for a week because of it. Chris was generally an asshole to everybody, including myself, so I didn't feel too bad about that. Although, I didn't know Nathan all that well. Other than having a few classes together, I don't think I've ever held an actual conversation with the guy. I think it was safe to assume that Chris was the one who started it, and Shae seemed to agree with me, even though she hadn't seen the fight either.

"But, apparently Nathan's gonna show up tonight!" She exclaimed coyly.

"...Remind me again why you want me to go to this specific party?"

"You'll have a great time! It's not like we'll be involved in the drama anyway so think of it more as entertainment!"

"I think you and I have different definitions of the word 'entertainment'," I joked.

"I'm sure you can go run off somewhere with Tyler if you're not having fun," She said, her tone reminding me of my mom.

"Oh yeah? What about you?"

"I can't just leave Alex at a party with Chris, those two start shit between each other so much and I'd rather not deal with the aftermath of that today."

"I'm guessing it's safe to assume that Elliot's going too, then?"

"He's not big on parties, but he'll usually go if everyone else is, unlike somebody," She says, gesturing towards me.

"Good one," I reply, unmoving as I keep typing away at my assignment.

"Well, we should probably leave soon since we're stopping at Tyler's place on the way.

I saved the document I had been working on, closing my laptop. "Sounds good to me!"

---

"I can't believe you actually agreed to go." Tyler joked as we walked towards the road from his house.

"Yeah, me either." I replied. I definitely didn't put in any effort in dressing up for the party, opting for a snug space-themed graphic tee, along with black jeans and a white zip-up hoodie. Shae and Tyler both stand on opposite sides of me as we walk down the sidewalk.

"Luckily I learned the subtle techniques in convincing you to do things against your better judgement, so now you get to have fun for once!" Shae exclaimed.

"It's not my fault that going to a party is literally the last thing on earth I'd do for fun in any normal situation." I retorted, putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

"Oh yeah? And what do you consider a 'normal situation'?" Shae asks.

"Any situation where you guys aren't the ones trying to get me to go! I'm only doing this for you two, y'know." I said, looking over at both of them.

"What about Elliot and Alex?" Tyler chimed in.

"They aren't the ones asking me to go to this party." I sarcastically remarked, trying to keep the conversation light-hearted. "Speaking of the party- this is Chris we're talking about, there's gonna be beer, right?"

"Uh, duh?" Shae replied.

"Yeah, that's a definite no for me, I'm already enough of a disappointment to my parents,"

"No one's making you drink, Jake. At least you'd be safe if some old hag called the cops about the noise." Shae said.

"I think at that point we're guilty by association, so we'd just make a run for it if that happens," Tyler joked.

"Dude, the chance of me outrunning a police officer successfully is about as likely as me not wanting to punch Chris tonight."

"And the chance of you winning that fight is just as low!" Shae retorted, Tyler laughing in response.

"I specifically said 'want' because of that very reason!"

"Wow, I'd pay money to see you fight that guy." Tyler said, nudging his elbow into my side.

It isn't a secret that I'm not exactly athletic. I mean, I'm definitely not weak, but fighting basically any animal of a similar size to mine was not a situation that favoured my victory.

"That sounds more like just getting the shit kicked outta me for your entertainment." I remarked, lightly punching Tyler's shoulder in return.

"Absolutely worth every penny!" Shae exclaimed. Luckily, the place wasn't any more than ten minutes away from Tyler's place, so I didn't have to endure listening to these two talk about me getting beat up for much longer.

We finally make it to Chris' house, and I'm suddenly filled with an impending sense of regret. Obviously, my parents would never in a million years agree to me going to a party like this. As far as they know, I'm just spending the evening hanging out with Shae at Tyler's house. So yeah, this entire night had a lot of potential for disaster.

Shae can clearly see my hesitation, because she grabs my hand, leading me up the walkway, Tyler following closely behind.

"I wonder if Elliot and Alex beat us here?" She says, knocking on the front door.

"I doubt they had anything to do earlier, hell they probably came straight here after school, knowing Alex." I said, laughing.

Our conversation is cut short by the opening door, revealing the familiar black cat.

"Oh, look, the Stephenson kid brought his girlfriend!" Chris exclaimed mockingly, looking back into the house, before peering around my shoulder, "And... Tyler?" He said, inquisitively.

I lean over, blocking Tyler from his line of sight, "Yeah, hey, not dating by the way!" I said. I've known Shae since I first moved to Vestige, around the time I turned five years old, so it wasn't uncommon for rumours to go around that we were dating. I've always thought of her more as a sister, if anything.

"I asked them to come!" Tyler said. That was only partly true, but according to Tyler, they've been 'somewhat-friends' for quite a while now, so saying that would at least mean less mild-harassment from Chris for tonight.

"Oh, uh, okay... come on in! But you're on the hook for any shit they pull, Tyler!" He said, opening the door wider.

---

The party had been going on for a few hours at this point. I could recognize most of the animals here from school, but not enough to actually hold a conversation with any of them, so most of my time here had just been spent with Shae and Tyler. The place hasn't been incredibly crowded luckily, but there were easily about forty others in this part of the house alone. I'm assuming only high school grades were invited, but there were a considerable number of students to meet that requirement. The issue at hand for me, other than how crowded this place is, is that both Shae and Tyler ditched me to go... somewhere? I think Shae saw some of her friends and went somewhere with them, but Tyler was pretty secretive about where he was going, only telling me that he'd be back in a bit. So I've been standing here in this random corner of the house with a drink in hand, trying to make myself look busy and not awkward, which is exactly why I didn't want to go to this party in the first place!

"Jake!" A voice shouted from a ways away.

I turn my head in confusion, revealing Alex, walking towards me from across the room.

"Oh, Alex! Hey! What's up dude!" I finish the last bit of my soda, waving at him. Because this was Chris' party, there was obviously beer too, but I didn't feel like coming home drunk and my parents finding out.

"I didn't think you'd wanna come to something like this! Feeling the regret yet?"

"I like parties! It's the times like these when I'm standing in a corner by myself with nothing to do that I hate, which seems to happen every time I go to a party!" I exclaimed, pausing for a moment. "Okay, maybe I do hate parties- I've had to explain this so many times today I'm about ready to jump into Lake Ambuscade."

' "Wow, sounds like somebody needs to socialize instead of stewing in a corner for the rest of the night!"

"Socialize? Really? I know just about everybody here and just about none of them are worth talking-"

"Hang with me and Elliot, then? Justin set up some racing games in the other room, we were gonna join, but we could use a fourth... You in?" He said, his tone obviously trying to sound coercing.

"God, please, anything to get me out of this corner for the next three hours." I said, Alex returning my words with a laugh.

"Well, come on then! We'll have to hurry if we want to get one of the good controllers!" He exclaimed, motioning to follow him.

As we move through the various cliques, I recognize a few faces here and there, though not enough to actually want to talk to them. There's been music playing since we got here, and I have yet to recognize a single song, they all seem to be some form of drone-y bass-heavy music that I can't say I've heard in any normal situations. I'm doing my best to follow Alex, although he keeps weaving between the other animals faster than I can keep up, resulting in me having to shove past everyone near me in an effort to speed myself up. Luckily, it seems that no one notices me anyway.

When we arrive in the other room, it seems to just be another living room, but decorated with a galore of punk band posters, shelves holding more DVD cases than I would ever care to count, and even a mini-fridge. Maybe Chris is the type to have a 'man cave' or something? Just hearing that phrase almost makes me want to vomit, but there aren't any more accurate words that come to mind. The room isn't massive or anything, but the TV resting upon the wall across the room seems to challenge that idea, looking almost eighty inches in size. Luckily no randoms from the party were in here, sitting about ten feet away from the TV is Elliot, leaning back in a purple bean bag chair that seems almost three times bigger than him, and Justin, the cougar I'd only known slightly through Alex, laying down sideways on the couch directly in front of the gigantic screen.

"Whatttt! You took the bean bag chair? Lameee..." Alex whined.

"You're the one who wanted to go get Jake, you snooze you lose!" Elliot retorted, looking oddly proud of himself.

"Damn, wish I had a room like this at my house..." I mumbled, looking around the room.

"Are we gonna play or what?" Justin said, cutting through the momentary silence.

"Duh!" Alex claimed.

Justin sits up, taking the spot on the couch closest to Elliot. I opt for the leftmost seat, and Alex sits in-between the both of us. Elliot grabs the other three controllers and tosses them over at us, one by one. Luckily, there weren't any garbage third-party controllers, so at least none of us would have to deal with that. I will admit, it did feel kinda weird going to someone's party just to play games away from everybody, but I would be lying if I said I didn't prefer that, even though I rarely play games, if ever.

After Justin turns the console on, he goes through the menus, launching the game. I can't say I recognize the title, but it seems to be a pretty standard racing game. He goes into the custom mode, opting for a four-player split-screen match, choosing 'R1' as the category of cars to race in. As everyone chooses their cars, I scroll through the list, not really knowing what to pick. I've never been good with car stuff, so I pick an 'Aston Martin Lola' just based on the number-rating system the game ranks the cars with.

"You guys ready?" Justin asks.

"Oh yeah, get ready to eat my dust you guys!" Elliot exclaims, challengingly.

"Oddly prideful words for someone about to lose!" Alex replies, laughing.

The countdown begins, as the cameras slowly show the view of each car as it moves to the rear. When it starts, I somehow manage the fuckup of spinning my tires out, leaving me a few seconds behind the others as the car swerves back and forth. I curse under my breath as I try to regain control of the car, and swiftly pick up speed. The track seems like nothing I haven't seen before, a typical professional track, with rows and rows of audience seating to the side. Unfortunately, I'm now in last place. The next few moments of the track are a few quick corners, allowing me the chance to catch up, at least a little.

Unexpectedly, the track turns off of the main road, going into a forested area. The road is considerably more narrow at this point, so it takes a conscious effort to not drive into the trees by the asphalt. It looks like the road stretches on forever, as I still can't make out any upcoming turns. I guess the car I chose for the race had a better top speed than Justin's, as I'm quickly catching up to him, moving into third place. I'm gripping my controller to an uncomfortable degree, but I can't seem to relax the tension as I try to make my way into second place. I don't think I can pick up any more speed in this car, so me moving up is reliant on the road staying straight for just a bit longer. After what feels like a lifetime, the front of my car finally starts making it past Elliot's, then the midsection, and finally, I'm in second. The sound of all four car engines is drowning out any remnants of the video game music, and I feel the sudden urge to curse out whoever turned the TV volume up this high. My eyes are focused entirely on Alex's car as I make my final push into first place. If I were actually driving this fast in the real world, I'd be scared out of my fucking mind. Out of nowhere, Alex, and the others, begins to slow down considerably.

Oh fuck.

It's at that point I notice that there is a sharp right turn rapidly approaching. I've been pushing the top-speed of this car since the beginning of this stretch of road, and now I'm going too quickly to stop in time. What's the button to use the handbrake, again? I figure that the only way for me to not fuck up this race for myself is to try to drift around the corner. Considering I've never played this game before, it's going to prove to be a challenge. But, it's either that, or just ending up in dead-last again.

I hold down the A button, and pull the joystick as far to the right as possible. Suddenly, all I can hear from the game is the loud skidding sounds of my tires against the asphalt. To my surprise, I cut the corner a bit early, now going over the grass. I try to do a bit of directional-corrections and start heading back onto the track. Going over the grass definitely slowed me down a fair bit, but it definitely was a significantly better outcome over just crashing into the wall. And, to my surprise, the corner of my screen reads... first?!?

"How the fuck...?" Alex questions, seemingly in disbelief.

"I wish I could tell you." I replied, eyes wide at whatever the fuck just happened.

The distance I managed to gain on Alex isn't by a whole lot, but there's only about a quarter of the track left before we reach the finish line, so I have a chance at winning this. The track hurriedly changes from the forest as it reenters the main track. The long, straight roads seem to end as the road becomes a slow series of sharp turns, never giving me the opportunity to get back up to speed. It seems like the high top speed was my only advantage, because at every corner we take, I turn my camera around, revealing the other cars inching closer and closer to me.

I can see the finish line on the mini-map, just a few more turns away. I know that I'm not gonna be able to distance myself from Alex and the others at this point, so my only feasible strategy is to keep moving, cutting the corners as fast as I can, and getting to the finish line before they can pass me. Unfortunately, Alex's car seems to be getting too close for comfort now, meaning I might have to take some risks to ensure I can stay in first. As we approach the final turn, leading into the finish line, I realise I'm gonna have to try to drift this corner. I can feel my pointer finger practically cracking the plastic on the controller from the amount of pressure I'm putting on the right trigger. In a final plea to win, I push down on the A button, pulling the handbrake. The car starts to smoothly skid around the corner. Luckily, there are barriers on the sides of the road this time, preventing me from sliding onto the grass. To my surprise, the drift seems to work better than expected. That is, until, like the fucking idiot I am, make a slight overcorrection towards the left barriers as I exit the drift. I managed to avoid driving directly into the wall, but it did slow me down a bit.

Alex is immediately behind me, and I put all of my strength into accelerating towards the finish line. I'd be fucked if I broke the controller, cause I can't really afford the fifty dollars to buy a new one, but winning this race is more important to me at the moment. The finish line is only about five-hundred metres away, and Alex is slowly beginning to pass. All I can do at this point is push the gas as much as I can, and pray that I can cross the finish line before he can get back into first place. The finish line gets closer and closer, and it seems like it's gonna be too close for me to accurately tell the winner. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest from how stressful this fucking game has been, and now, we're about to find out whose efforts paid off. As each car makes its way over the finish line, each of our dedicated sections of the screen turns to slow motion. When it's finally over, the text fades in on each screen, revealing our place...

...

...Second?!?

"FUCK!" I shouted, realising I had been holding my breath since the final stretch of the race.

"HA! Dude, you suck!" Alex exclaimed, playfully shoving me.

"I think that was the most effort I've put into anything in my life." I said, setting my controller on the coffee table in front of me.

"Wow, that's dramatic," Justin remarked.

"Yeah, that's the usual for Jake," Elliot replied, laughing.

"You probably woulda won if you picked a better car, dude. That track was way too close-quarters so you should've gone with a car with better acceleration." Alex said.

"Wha- do you own this game?" I questioned, looking accusatory.

"...Yeah? It came out a few months ago, pretty popular right now." He replied.

"Ugh, this is what I get for playing with a bunch of gamers." I exclaimed, applying a disgusted tone to the last word.

"Not my fault you only play like one game a month!" Alex joked.

"Even then, I was like this close to beating you anyway!" I said, gesturing a minuscule distance between my thumb and pointer finger.

A voice interrupts our argument, coming from right outside the room, "Uh huh...

...

Really? That's bullshit! Come on...

...

Dude, give me a couple of days, I'll make it right!

...

Yeah, I swear."

It seems that we all stopped talking to listen in at the same time. "That sounds like Tyler... who's he arguing with?" Elliot asked. I can't make out the voice of whoever he's talking to, it just sounds like mumbling.

They seem to pause for a moment, and the sound of a single set of footsteps can be heard.

"Fuck..." Tyler says to himself, still out of view.

"...I should probably see what's up, you guys can keep playing without me." I say, getting up from my spot on the couch.

"Yeah, you do that! Less competition for me," Alex exclaims, laughing to himself.

"Hey, I can still beat your ass at this game, I know exactly which car to pick this time!" Elliot argued.

"Yeah, right! Guess we'll find out!"

I leave as the three start up another game, kind of glad I don't have to have another near-heart attack from playing again. When I get back into the dimly-lit hallway, Tyler is nowhere to be seen.

I look around, heading into the main room of the house to see if I can spot him. It's pretty difficult to see anything, because of how dim it is here, plus the sheer amount of animals crowding up the place. Despite that, I manage to spot the Grey Wolf a ways away, hurrying quickly into the bathroom.

As I shove my way through a few groups of teens, I almost fall over a few times, gaining confused stares from a few in the room. I lightly knock on the bathroom door, waiting for a response, "Hey, you okay Tyler?" After a few moments, I'm returned with no answer, "...Tyler-" Before I can finish my sentence, Tyler swiftly pulls open the bathroom door, pulling me in and shutting the door behind me, before sitting down on the side of the bathtub. As I'm about to say something, I hear the sound of him sniffling.

...Is he crying?

He's looking towards the floor, so I can't confirm it visually, but the sound definitely gives it away.

"Whoa, what's wrong? Did something happen?" I asked worriedly, not yet choosing to bring up the argument we overheard.

There's a few seconds of silence as he tries to bring himself together, not very successfully. "I- I... I don't- I don't think I can-"

"It's fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I tried to reassure him. He raises his head for a moment to look at me, trying to find words to say, instead opting to go back to crying, head in his hands. I've never been good with situations like this, so I sit down next to him, putting my hand on his upper back, softly patting.

"I'm sorry- I'm a fucking idiot. I shouldn't have asked you to come."

"Hey! I've been having fun! Don't worry about me, it seems like you're the one who shouldn't have come." I joke, in some effort to lighten the mood.

Shit, was that inconsiderate of me to say?

To my surprise, he manages to let out a light laugh, "Yeah, I'm starting to realise that."

"...Do you wanna leave, then? They know I didn't want to go here in the first place, so you could just say you're being nice and walking me home." I didn't know if he would actually take up that offer, but I know some guys have a weird thing about not wanting to seem 'uncool' and leaving a party early was definitely considered that.

He thinks for a moment, still sniffling pretty noticeably. "...okay, just- give me a minute, I don't want to go out there looking like this." He mumbles, looking towards the door.

"Yeah, that's fine." I said, continuing to rub around his neck area.

This definitely wasn't how I expected the night to go. But it was a sort of 'two-birds-with-one-stone' kind of situation. I get to help out Tyler, which is usually the other way around, I get to leave early, and hopefully Shae stops bugging me about going to parties, at least for a while.

Now that I think about it, that analogy is pretty messed up.

A few silent minutes go by as I sit next to the still-crying Tyler, waiting for him to recollect himself. Even though he hasn't actually said anything here, in the two months I've known him, this is probably the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. When I first met him, it was pretty accurate to describe him as the kind of guy who acts like he never feels emotion. Hell, even I refuse to be open about my feelings, but most of my friends see through that nowadays. Even now, I don't really understand why I do that. I guess it's just easier to not talk about shit like that? Is that why Tyler does it?

"I think I'm good now," He said, shaking his hands as he stood up.

"Okay, let's get out of this dumpster fire." I sarcastically remarked. Tyler shot me a confused look in return. "Whatever, let's just go."

I open the bathroom door, grabbing his arm as I lead him out into the main room. Almost immediately the voice of a certain black cat perks up behind us.

"Oh? And what did you two get up to in there?" Chris remarked, laughing, "I didn't know you guys were THAT kind of friends!"

God damnit. This stupid fucking feline.

"Yeah, it's too loud out here for me, I needed a break, he came with." I explained, Tyler standing closely behind me with a confused look on his face. Just roll with it, dude, I think to myself, knowing I probably shouldn't say that out loud.

"You know, I would believe that, but normal guys actually just go outside when they need a break." He replied.

"Well, hey! That's where we're going right now, so it all checks out!" I say in the bitchiest voice I can muster.

"Heh, sure thing, Jake." He said, sounding weirdly satisfied with himself. I didn't want to spend any more time in this fucking house than I needed to, especially while talking to Chris, so I continue on, pulling Tyler by the hand towards the exit. After a few moments, we make it to the front door. I promptly open it and we both head outside.

We're immediately greeted by the light of the moon and the starry sky as we head down the walkway toward the street. One of the few benefits of living in such a backwater town was the absence of any significant light pollution. I've been to Portland a few times for school field trips and such, and seeing the sheer difference in visible stars was absolutely staggering. I could only imagine what it would be like to go stargazing in the middle of nowhere.

"At least it's a nice night out." I said.

"Yeah..." Tyler replied, his mind clearly in a completely different place.

"I should probably tell Shae where we went, so she doesn't freak out trying to find us back there." I joked, pulling out my cell phone. Texting on my flip phone was an arduous task, but I didn't want to call her, so I had not much of a choice.

I send the text, and close my phone, returning it to my pocket. As we walk down the road, we stew in the silence, the only auditory sounds coming from the party still close by, and the local crickets chirping.

I won't lie, as much as I usually appreciate quiet, this is the loudest silence I've ever been stuck in. It goes on for more than five minutes. I could tell he wanted to say something, and I was eager to find out whatever was going on that started this in the first place. But, like the coward I am, I try to lighten the mood.

"Hopefully that satisfied your quota of me going to parties with you for a while, cause I do not plan on having the energy for something like that again for at least a few months." I said, awkwardly laughing. He doesn't respond, at least for a while, as he raises his hand, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "...Uhh, are you sure you don't wanna talk about it? I mean-"

"Can I tell you something?" He interrupted, his voice still cracking like it was in the bathroom.

"...Sure?" I replied, slightly confused.

"It's just that- I don't really know- like what-"

"-to say? Just think for a minute. No rush." That's what my dad always says whenever my mind spirals. I used to be really anxious, although I've been getting better at controlling my thoughts in the past few years.

When I went to text Shae a few minutes ago, my phone's clock read 9:48 PM. I'm supposed to be home at ten and we're still at least twenty minutes away, not even including the detour we'll take to get to Tyler's place. Which brings me to the realisation that, when we get to his house, I'm gonna have to walk the rest of the way home by myself, in the dark. If I get murdered by some serial killer this late at night I'm gonna fucking haunt Shae from the afterlife-

"I think I'm gay," He quickly says, his voice holding a noticeable increase in energy compared to what I've been used to tonight.

Well... can't say that's exactly what I was expecting. Was I expecting anything in particular? I honestly don't know anymore. His words took me by surprise, my brain is kind of scrambled right now. I look over at him - he's looking back at me, probably trying to gauge my reaction. I did my best to conceal any facial reaction, but it's pretty clear that my lack of a response is starting to become noticeable.

"...You... think?"

"Well, like- I don't know. I guess I've just been thinking for a while, and it makes sense... all things considered." He replied anxiously.

"That- That's great! Does anyone else know?"

"I only really realised a few weeks ago, so... no. But compared to anyone else, I probably trust you the most to not like- tell anyone?" He said, looking over at me again.

"Well, I appreciate the completely undeserved confidence you have in me," I joked, realising too late that now probably isn't the time for that, "Yeah, I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Thank you," He replies, a genuine smile strewn across his face.

A few minutes go by as we walk down the road, absorbing the positive energy we created. Having only known Tyler for a little over two months, it definitely surprised me knowing that he trusted me more than anyone else to keep a secret like that... I mean, despite the short amount of time since I met him, I'm as close to him as I've been to Shaela for the past eight years. Maybe even closer? I barely even tell Shae about my actual problems, at least the non-surface level stuff. So yeah, I guess it makes sense that he would trust me with something so important, I know I would absolutely trust him if it were me in that situation.

"...So, do you think you're gonna tell your dad?"

He didn't say anything for a moment as he stared down at the ground beneath him, "I'll probably have to tell him soon, if he has to find out from some asshole that isn't me it'd make it ten times more difficult than if I just said it myself."

I agreed, and we let the conversation cut itself off as we finally approached Tyler's house. I followed him up the walkway and stood on the patio, making sure he actually got inside. He tries the doorknob eagerly, to no avail. Realising that it was locked, he reaches into his pocket for his key - again, to no avail.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Tyler mumbled under his breath, clearly done with tonight. All of the lights were off in the house, signalling that his dad was not awake.

"Maybe you'll wake him up if you knock? Then he can let you in."

"Nonono, he thinks I'm staying at your place! If he finds out I went to a party I'm in deep shit," He whispered.

Of course. If I had to lie to my parents, why would I expect anything different from anyone else?

"Okay, uhh... maybe we can make that lie... not a lie?" I said, sounding weirder than I'd like.

Tyler looked at me, confused for a moment, eyes widening as he realised what I meant, "I can't let you do that, I've already forced you through too much shit tonight."

"Oh, come on, of course you can sleep at my place for the night! My parents think I'm at your house right now, so I can just tell them that we both went over there early in the morning. They love you anyway, so it won't be a problem!"

He didn't move at all, still looking reluctant, "Are you sure it won't be... weird? I don't want to put you in an awkward situation cause of w- what I told you."

"Dude, that couch in my room has a hide-a-bed if you don't want to share mine. Either way, we're friends, aren't we? I trust you."

After a few moments of silence, he speaks up, "...I guess so-"

"Great, then it's settled!" I said, putting my arm around his shoulder as I led him back down the walkway.

---

Once we make it to my place, walk up the creaky wooden steps of my patio as I fish the house key out of my pocket. Tyler's standing closely behind me, looking awkward as ever, clearly not knowing what to do with his hands as he switches between putting them in his pockets and clasping them together.

I turn the key on the lock and try the door, noticing that It's completely pitch black inside the house. My parents usually go to bed at 10 PM, and it was well past that at this point. I lock the door behind us as I reach for my pocket, grabbing my phone and flipping it open to use as a barely-useful flashlight. I take Tyler's wrist as I lead him through the furniture of my living room and up the stairs. The only sounds in the house come from the soft ticking of a clock in the kitchen, the sound of which has always freaked me out whenever I'd come downstairs at three in the morning. Despite my best efforts to be as quiet as possible, the old wooden boards of the stairs prove my effort to be futile as they creak with every step. I can only hope that both of my parents have fallen asleep by now, or else they'd definitely have heard us. As I take Tyler down the hallway, walls strung with various family photos and art fit for a motel, I hear no sounds coming from the master bedroom, relaxing some of my tension.

Once we make it to my room, I breathe a sigh of relief as I turn on the overhead light, hoping my mom doesn't find out and try to lecture me in the morning, "Okay, hide-a-bed or mine, your choice!"

"Hide-a-bed." He replies.

"Sure thing, lemme show you how to set it up," I say as I remove each couch cushion one by one. The couch is sitting directly under my massive bedroom window, illuminated by the glow of the moon. Under the cushions is a black folded-up contraption, bearing a metal handle. I grab the handle and start pulling the bed out from the couch. As the first section of the bed comes out, Tyler stands next to me and helps unfold the second section, and finally the third.

I move over to open the closet door, "I have some spare pillows and blankets in here."

"So, why do you have a spare bed... thingy... in your room anyway?" He asked.

"My cousins' family came to visit from the other side of the country a few years back, so my parents made the cousins stay in my room and gave me our old couch that used to be in the living room. They were here for like two weeks, it was fucking awful," I remarked, pulling a comforter out of the closet and unfolding it out on the mattress.

"That sounds miserable," Tyler sympathized.

"It was, but hey, now I got a sick as fuck couch in my room! And it works as a great place for certain friends to sleep when they wanna spend the night," I said sarcastically, looking over at Tyler as I grabbed the pillows from the closet, tossing them to one end of the bed.

He turned his head, baffled, "Was that a dig on me?" He questioned.

"Depends on how you took it I suppose," I replied, smiling cunningly.

"You're the one who offered, dude- are you sure you didn't drink at the party? You've at least doubled your usual level of sarcasm." He retorted.

"Nope, unless somebody spiked my soda!" I joked, but the realisation slowly set in, "Oh shit- maybe someone spiked my soda?!?"

"Don't freak out, I seriously doubt someone would spike your drink,"

"God, I hope so, if my parents found out I went to that party, that'd be one thing, but if I got drunk? I doubt I'd see the outside world for months," I sighed.

"Even if you were drunk, it's not like you would still be drunk in the morning for them to find out, anyway."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, letting out a yawn shortly thereafter. "Fuck, I didn't realise how tired I am." Looking at my alarm clock, it was 10:37 PM. That wasn't terribly late, I've definitely stayed up later when there was an assignment due the next day that I forgot about, but even before I met up with Alex and Elliot, that party was just wearing me down. "At least I can sleep in 'till like noon tomorrow. You sure you don't need anything before I pass out from exhaustion?"

"No, I'm okay, I think. And, thank you... Jake." He replied, smiling at me.

"No problem, dude!" I quietly exclaimed as I turned off the bedroom lights and hopped into bed. I can practically feel my muscles dissolve as I lean into the mattress, pulling the heavy blankets over me as I close my eyes.

I can't help but feel something itching in the back of my brain. I never did find out why Tyler was even crying back at the party. Was it related to what he told me after? He sounded pretty upset when he was talking to whoever it was in the hallway, too, so maybe that was why? We've already talked about so much shit tonight, though, and I definitely did not have the energy to have another huge conversation about something like that. It could definitely wait until tomorrow.

Soon, I feel my consciousness drift away, the only sound I can make out being the slow breathing of Tyler, across the room.

---

As I wake up, I'm blinded by the bright sun shining in through my windows, directly into my eyes. I glance over at my alarm clock, feeling incredibly groggy and sore, noticing that it's 11:13 AM. Usually, the latest I'd sleep in on weekends was only around ten, but I guess it took a lot of my energy yesterday to try to tune the party out. At least it's over.

I slowly sit up, yawning as I lean back against the bed frame. I glanced around the room, noticing that the hide-a-bed had been folded back into the couch, Tyler nowhere to be seen. I reach over to my bedside table to check my phone, finding an unread text from him, sent a few hours ago.

Tyler: hey

woke up early, figured youd want 2 sleep in.

will call u later, might have somthin big i wanna share, will see

A pair of oddly cryptic messages. Guess that confirms he isn't here anymore.

At least it was a Saturday, meaning that I had full permission to be a slob. I get out of bed, deciding to skip my usual shower until after breakfast. Other than the snacks that were out at the party, I ate practically nothing last night. I could almost feel my stomach turning itself inside out, so I hurried out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to have some breakfast.

The first thing I notice when I get downstairs is my mom, sitting on the couch with a book. I head straight to the kitchen, trying not to make myself stand out.

"Jake! Finally woken up, I see." She remarked, still looking at her book.

"Hey, mom!" There's a moment of silence as I grab a bowl out of the cupboard, as well as a box of cereal, and begin to pour.

She speaks up, "Your friend, Tyler, seemed to be in a hurry to leave this morning, anything I should know about?"

"...Not that I know of? Like what?" I questioned as I poured some milk from the fridge, grabbed a spoon, and sat at the kitchen counter.

"Well, it's not like we didn't notice that you weren't home by ten like your father asked you to be, so obviously you must have a good excuse for why you didn't at least call to let us know you'd be late?" She replied. I could tell when she started talking all responsible-parent-like, it meant that she was gonna lecture me about something.

I sighed, thinking of the right thing to say. "...Well, Tyler was going through some things... so I was trying to help him with that, I guess. Time just kinda flew by and I wasn't able to get home 'till later."

"So he spent the night here? Weren't you at his house?" She asked as I ate a spoonful of cereal.

"Yeah... we went out for a bit and once I noticed how late it was I offered to let him spend the night at our house since it was closer," I said. Almost entirely a lie, but definitely preferable to the truth.

"Jake..." She said, setting her book down on the coffee table in front of the couch, walking over to me, and resting a hand on my shoulder. "You're sixteen now, obviously we don't expect you to tell us everything you're up to nowadays. But we worry about you! I worry about you. Just for future reference, please let us know if you're gonna be home late or anything like that."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," I said, looking up at her.

"Great! Now, I have to go meet a friend for lunch, please try not to burn the house down while I'm out!" She said as she grabbed her purse and keys off of the counter, hurring out the door.

"No promises, love you!" I said as she closed the door behind her.

Well, I guess that went... better than expected? I doubt she believed that story I made up, but I guess as long as I don't break curfew without telling them, I should be fine.

Having the house to myself wasn't totally uncommon. Considering my dad was gone during the day five days a week, and my mom would head out to go meet friends or run errands pretty often, I got some much needed alone time often enough to not go mad.

As I finish my bowl of cereal, I realise that I probably should go shower as soon as possible, considering the night I had. I put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and head back upstairs. I grab a towel from my room and head into the bathroom, grabbing my various fur care products out of the cabinet for after the shower. As I turn the shower on, I hear the sound of my ringtone going off in the pocket of my pants on the floor. I sigh annoyedly, walking over and trying to figure out which pocket my phone was in. When I flip open the phone, the Caller ID reads out Tyler's name.

"Tyler! What's up?" I ask eagerly, hoping to find out what the news he cryptically texted about was.

"Jake- fuck, I messed up, I shouldn't have- what am I gonna do?" He said anxiously, sounding almost out of breath.

"Hey! Slow down, what's wrong?" I questioned.

"I'm such a fucking idiot! Why did I think this would be a good idea? Jake, I'm so sorry-"

"Tyler! Calm. Down. Just take a few deep breaths," I said. After a few moments, I can hear his breathing steadying on the other side of the call. "Okay, good. Now, what's wrong?"

There's a short pause as he tries to find the right words to say. It sounds like he's been crying. What even the fuck has been the past twenty-four hours?

"Can- do you think I could crash at y- your place for a few more nights? I don't know what to do."

#story #novel #interlude #writing #novel writing #vestige #town #coming of age #lgbtq #gay #furry #wattpad

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licoriceblackaliceangel · 5 years

Photo

February 1st is the day I made this blog!

First making this blog, I’ve said it plenty of times when it was brought up, but I never intended to do much with it.

I made it for the purpose of not flooding my main blog with bat/im stuff, and having the idea of answering asks for Alice if any came by. I was RPing as Alice with someone on discord for at least four months prior to this blog, and soon this blog delved more into an RP blog more than an ask blog.

I’ve made plenty of friends, have so many memories and a lot of growth through this blog. And despite some of the hard times I faced and forces and situations where I almost deleted a few times.. I don’t regret a thing.

SO.

I decided to make a little follow forever under the cut! A few people (Going back. A lot of people did. Oops.) will get some special shoutouts solely because I have a lot of thoughts, but if I don’t write something for you, don’t think you mean any less to me! If I forget anyone, my DEEPEST APOLOGIES. I have the memory of a gold fish and trying to remember everyone is. Hard.

But just know if we are mutuals I LOVE AND CHERISH YOU.

This also got a lot longer than I expected OOPS

@inkdrenchedsmile: Tea, I tell you everyday and talk to you almost everyday. I love and cherish you so so so much. You’re the sweetest, cutest, most darling thing ever. You are the brightest little marshmallow peep~ And I have so grateful everyday to have met you and be able to write with you. I love your writing and stories and your ideas and art and YOU ARE SO TALENTED! You mean the world to me. I love you, honeybun <3

@kalamxs: GIO. BOY YOu know I told you plenty of times you’re one of the reasons I even went to making this blog. I followed you before I even had the thought in my mind (I don’t remember why, maybe from your AWESOME ART and your writing and rping made me stay) because YOU ARE SO FUCKING GOOD!! I remember laughing all the time and sharing with my friends in my discord even though they don’t exactly understand BUT-- Man I’m so happy I got to actually. Interact with you! And get to befriend you and man YOUR ART GIVES ME LIFE. I love seeing all your stuff and writing and I LOVE WRITING WITH YOU. Bendo and Alice are absolutely adorable as well; fucking dorks. I LOVE YOU BABEY!! NEVER GONNA STOP LOVIN AND SUPPORTIN YOU!!

@bendicethedaughterofthedevil: NICK. You know I been with you since the MERE START. And I told you watching your growth and Bendice’s story was. WOO. Man I sometimes see the old Baby Shower art thing I did for the twin’s baby shower like.. Gonna be almost a year with that too. And just. :(.. THINGS WERE SIMPLER THEN.. I love you Nick, you’re talented and sweet and so so ambitious and strong and I LOVE YOU BABEY!!

@devilswinging: Veemo, I am so glad to have been able to meet ya and interact with you. I love ya man and I love writing with you and your muses. I love the small chit chats we have and seeing you on my dash. I love Alice’s relationship with Bebe and Sammy and just. Man!! You know, no matter what, if you ever feel down and feel like no one likes your boys, know I !! Will always love and appreciate them. <3 And Alice does too.

@instrumentsofcyanide: STELLLAAAAAAA. I fucking love you Stella. You’re so funny and sweet and the little messages back and forth sometimes and you coming in my DMs like: WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH YOUR ANONS all the time is. So funny. All the damn fiascos Oreo manages to produce and just. Oreo in general. Always gets me laughing and smiling. I love you and your boy so much?? You’re so fun and creative and silly and just an OVERALL JOY TO TALK AND BE AROUND WITH!!! I’m so glad to be able to interact and talk with you <3 (Never forget the first time I think you actually said anyhting to me was about that one Alice Blog Foot Pics Fiasco and I’ll never forget being like; Man someone I look up to and I’s first interaction is over saying ‘wow fuck this girl’ over guilting me for foot pics-- DOFIHJGFD)

@inkwise: AVI I LOVE YOU SM. DFKGJ. You’re so sweet and creative and your muses are an absolute joy. I especially have so many feelings. For Henry. So much. I love this man so much and I thank you and him everyday for my life. He needs a break. I love getting to write with you and seeing you on my dash is?? A fucking delight. Thank you. <3

@lxgner: ALICE YOU CREATIVE SWEET PERSON. You have so many damn muses and I APPLAUD YOU. Your OCs are all pretty sweet imo? The ones I seen. And the ambition you have to write and work on all this?? I applaud. I love your Joey muses esp and they’re so interesting and I love the thought you put into them all you know?? It’s interesting and really brings life into them. Your writing is delicious and your humor is. Great. I love writing with you <3 Keep your head up darling.

@one-eyed-twin: LADY V I LOVE YA SWEETHEART. Your muses are a delight and I love the little threads we’ve had, either it with Phiona, Clyde or Vlad (here and on my other blog) I love peaking at your threads and seeing your writing. You’re an absolute delight and I love?? Your creativity and your ART!! You truly are a person with impeccable tastes ~ Love seeing you on the dash, love <3

@inkyencounters: Glowbun you. Are really a sweetheart. So creative and funny, you really are kind and try to look out for everyone and it’s Very nice. I’m very appreciative of how kind ya are and the creativity you have with your muses and just. It’s very refreshing. Thank you for everything.

@sillymuses: Where do I begin. I love writing with you either with Charlie or on this blog, both here and my OC blog of course. You really have such a creative spin in your writing and really? Feel your characters and paint them so!! Amazingly. I love the back and forth between you and you’re honestly. Adorable. I love seeing you and your creativity hun <3

@inkmachine: GLOOMY I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE THINGS ARE/WILL GET BETTER SOON LOVIE. God it’s always a treat when you’re online and on the dash it’s. Always hilarious. I love seeing what Bendy fucking gets up to this time and he’s so?? Awesome. I love him a lot. The little bastard PFF. He’s absolute adorable and cute and I love the dark shit with him honestly. And him and Alice’s lil Candi adventures are always. Tooth rottingly sweet. I love ya hun. <3

@taakos-troupe-of-threads: I hope you know the phrase “Snap would fight Chalk Jesus for Alice’s honor” is a thing that will NEVER leave my mind and tends to cross it once a day. PFF. I love writing with you and seeing you on the dash as well! Snap is a fucking DOLL and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. (As does Alice, ofc) They’re absolutely adorable and poor girl is such a worrier PFF. Our DMs are always something funny as well, I think. I always know I’m in for something good when I see that fucking. Orange Danny Devito icon in my dms-- KSKJF

@dappcrdust: GLITTER!! Man. I remember first writing with you with your Bendy muse and honestly? Ever interaction from him to now has ALWAYS been a fun treat. I love your writing and love seeing you on and getting into whatever shenanigans that seem to pop up. Mostly with Angel it seems pfff.. Sweet Angel. I love what you have all done and cooked for him and his character he’s so?? three dimensional i love it. Him and Alice’s BFFship is honestly. Great and I love them SO MUCH. You’re creative and fun and just. A sweetheart. Love ya hun <3

@gamblxrhxsk: tbh I didn’t know what blog to @ YOU FUCKING MANIAC. Jk. I love you Echo. PFFF It’s funny to me that I feel I got closer with you via fucking. shit with CEO-Entity. LMAO. Echo where do I start. You are SO DAMN FUNNY. Like my GOD how many times have I laughed out loud to myself over some shit ya wrote and done?? Hell, even with your stuff with phil swift and entity and all that stuff got my SQUAD TO COME TO ME LAUGHING OVER IT!! I love also all your muses and the fact you got this whole arsenal and can?? Keep up with it for what it seems like. PROPS!! I love fucking around with you here and there and even though we don’t really write together too much (which, I would love to but I’m myself and even still lowkey anxious OIGJG) I just love putzing around and seeing you do your thing on the dash; from jokes to serious business. It’s always a treat. <3

@nctherchpter: Pai, I’m still lowkey so flattered you ever followed me back (and now mutuals with me on our mains like. WHAAA--) Your art is always. Bellissimo. Asriel was always a joy to see and honestly just. Stole my heart. I love him so much. Your writing is always a joy and man you just. Are skilled in The Arts(TM) Your self insert blog is also?? Awesome. I love the concept and idea and going through with a thing like? Honestly. Inspiration. All your self insert stuff really is just. Big big inspo. I’m so glad you seem to have? So much fun. Also I did say it in Nick’s stream many moons ago when they were going through BATIM again. Your voice is v cute <3

@clair-de-luna: WHERE DO I BEGIN WITH YOU!!! Man I remember following your main back for that SWEET MUFFETON ART. My cherished Muffeton mutual. And now here we both are with THIS. YOUR ART JUST CONTINUES TO INSPIRE AND GROW AND I LOVE!! SEEING IT!! And LUNA MELTS ALICE AND I’S HEART ALL THE TIME. God does she ADORE HER LITTLE STAR!! Ugh. I cry real tears. Always a delight to see you both here and your main. <3 I love ya DC!!

@lilithmagne: AC you. Are truly an artistic marvel. Your art is INCREDIBLE, your writing is BEAUTIFUL. And I love seeing you on my dashboard. You are so sweet and kind?? It’s so nice. I LOVE the love and work you put into Lilith and her story and your research and dedication? It’s amazing. Lilith is an absolute BEAUTY and God I LOVE HER. You do her SUCH A BEAUTIFUL JUSTICE!! So honored to be mutuals with you honestly. <3 Keep being amazing you beautiful person.

@lucifermagne: MARZI YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL. Working on all those HH icons for other rpers, working on your other RP blogs and pumping out that SWEET CONTENT. You are honestly a treasure. You are absolute sweet and a joy to see online. I love peaking at your threads and LOVE seeing your posts either for HCs or just IC shenanigans with Lucifer. You put so much through and care into your interpretation of him and I LOVE IT. He’s such a fun goof ball but at the same time presents himself as. THE KING OF HELL. Obviously. He’s an absolute Joy and just!! It’s amazing. We haven’t threaded together yet but even despite that?? I just love seeing you and him (and Alastor and Marx and the gang ofc) on the dash. Always a damn delight. <3

@thatscwewywabbit: we only just started interacting like. a week or so ago but AMANDA Man I have told you before how much I adore seeing you write for Bugs and how it’s ALWAYS SO FUN to see him and your posts for him on the dash. THE AMOUNT OF RESEARCH, CARE, LOVE, THOUGHT ALL PUT INTO HIM AND YOUR WRITING FOR HIM. It’s just so good. So refreshing. Ugh. MY CHILDHOOD!! It makes me so happy all the time. You really are. An inspiration. Writing with you and him is a DELIGHT and love peeking at your other threads just. It’s so nice. It’s almost uncanny how well you play him. My goodness! Keep being awesome lovely <3

@viennaxmuses: Fuck you bitch. Yeah. You’re getting put here. Bitch. Fuck you. I LOVE YOU. BItch. You fucking fuck. You sweet cute funny fuck. You adorable loving supportive bitch. Ya uplifting comforting creative artistic thot. Fuck you.

Okay this went WAY LONGER THAN I INTENDED but sorry everyone else I didn’t write a lil blurb for. I wrote a lot and I STILL WANNA GIVE SHOUTOUTS CUS I LOVE!! ALL OF YOU!! Even non-mutuals like. I just wanna share all the love and appreciation I have here.

@hxllodolly @cvangclii @snxkeyes @ofinkdxmonsandxngels @brxkeninstrument / @butcherbrains @stupidcoffeeboy @strawberry-lemonade-muses @hazbinmuses @bornloscrs @black-jack-the-cat @bluescarfvivi @a-framed-rabbit @angelusvoce @ask-slender-and-gray @wrenchand-abone

#follow forever #long post /#WOOF WOOF W #also yeah good news I didn't entirely loose it YAY

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staliasjeronica · 6 years

Text

Riverdale 3.01 Thoughts *spoilers*

- the kids... are JUNIORS? Uh okay.

- VERONICA. MY LOVE. MY BABY. IN A POP’S OUTFIT!!!

- still iffy about Betty being in law... like where’d it come from? Her likeness of it? It’s probably just because of Archie’s trial and the fact that she constantly breaks the law, but still... it seemed to come out of nowhere

- In the narration he talked about Archie, Betty, and Veronica being the “best friends you’ll ever have” and I’m just stating that that means that Jeronica are officially best friends! Y E S BITCH!

- did this bitch seriously just call Nick St. Claire... INNOCENT? And brought up the fact that he pulled a gun on Sweet Pea? I’ve always wanted that confrontation but NOT LIKE THIS.

- MARY ANDREWS! A fucking legend! Her speech was incredible, too. Like, if I was a Riverdale resident and didn’t know Archie, I would definitely believe that he was innocent. But of course something stupid like Archie being a dumbass (love you though, Arch) is going to fuck everything up 🙄🙄🙄

- JOSIE AND KEVIN STANDING SIDE BY SIDE IS ALL I NEEDED!!! I can’t wait to see more of them as step siblings and shit. Maybe she can convince Kevin not to get with Moose lmao I hate him so fucking much

- HIRAM YOU DO NOT GET TO FUCKING TALK TO ARCHIE YOU LITTLE BITCH

- I’VE SEEN SPOILERS SO I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE FRED PUNCH A BITCH

- As amazing as that was though... THAT WOULDN’T HELP ARCHIE’S CASE IT WOULD MAKE IT WORSE!!!

- lmao Hiram gets angry and pushes the guy who kept him from getting back at Fred as if he didn’t start it what a bitch

- dilton and Ben... are really gonna die aren’t they. This is a Midge situation— bring them back to kill them wow... also why does Dilton look like he could be Sweet Pea’s younger brother...

- so both Veronica and Jughead got chocolate shakes. I’m not saying they’re soulmates... but they’re soulmates and I don’t care what Camila says about Jeronica... they’re meant to be together oops

- CHERYL MY BISEXUAL/LESBIAN QUEEN!!!! MAKING HER FUCKING ENTRANCE!

- but it’s so sad that she made the effort to invite all of them to her party but they couldn’t make an exception to couples weekend... like I know it helped Cheryl get with Toni but that’s just... sad.

- ALSO CHERY’S JACKET IM WHEEZING CALL AN AMBULANCE

- of course Choni had three months of development but we won’t see it 🙃🙃🙃

- can’t really hear what Alice and Polly are really saying... but I definitely heard Alice say “ritual” and you never hear that word unless you’re in a cult wake the fuck up alice you can’t be more fucked up than Betty and Polly you need to help save them

- Dr. Glass... therapist? Mmhm but wouldn’t they tell her that she’s too reliant and co-dependent on Jughead and hopefully break them up? I call bullshit on this therapist

- BARCHIE + FRED WORKING ON A CAR TOGEHER WOW WE LOVE A FUTURE ENDGAME BEING HOT ASS MECHANICS TOGETHER WITH HER FUTURE FAMILY

- “we did it dad” the way he said this... might have made me choke... it was so happy and excited, like a kid. I’m NOT CRYING OKAY

- “just in time” *Fred immediately avoids eye contact with Archie before stating he’s going back into the house* BITCH HE’S GOING IN THERE TO CRY HUH LIKE HE’S THINKING ABOUT HIS SON GOING TO JAIL THIS IS HORRIBLE.

- “the jury is still deliberating, you don’t need to put your house in order” Betty... it’s called JUST IN CASE. Plus it would ease his mind so... shut up lmao

- THE TEARS IN RONNIE’S EYES AS SHE’S CONFRONTING HER FATHER BBY NOOOO

- ALSO SHE HAS TO LIVE UNDER THE SAME ROOF AS HIM IM SO SORRY SWEETIE GO LIVE WITH JUG OR MOVE IN WITH FRED! She doesn’t deserve this you bitch ass Hiram

- also I’m sad that Hiram doesn’t have a bruise from Fred punching him

- I’ll say it until I die but I’m just gonna say it now: HIRAM IS A BITCH ASS HOE! He literally destroyed Archie’s life and devastated his daughter... all for a fucking P R I S O N

- SWEET PEA AND FANGS HAVE OFFICIALLY BLESSED MY SCREENS YAY. Also Fangs your bisexual ass is showing with that extremely open shirt... and Sweet Pea... you fucking too lmao I love Swangs (no hate but I’m also kinda here for Swosie even though it’s just a fling)

- it’s... so annoying... that Hiram is with the Ghoulies, yet makes out the Serpents to be the worst. Like Hiram your bought gang members are cannibals (apparently), and are the ACTUAL gang that sells and distributes Jingle Jangle soooo wtf

- Jug... you can’t send Fangs without backup. I REPEAT YOU CANNOT SEND FANGS WITHOUT SOME BACKUP! He got shot once and I swear if he’s hurt again I’m going to end you. I only care about certain people: Sweet Pea, Fangs, Cheryl, Toni, Veronica, and Archie... so if you get one of them hurt you’re dead to me

- we all been knew that Archie’s tattoo was fake but LOOK AT FP IN GLASSES I’M

- I love Betty with these outfits. They’re really nice tbh

- Alice... you can’t burn SOMEONE ELSE’S JOURNAL! Also yeah it’s filled with negative shit but that’s why it’s written in journals... to vent and get it over with.

- also if you have to reference someone (Edgar) every sentence you know you’re probably too reliant on them

- although what Alice says about sitting still and shit is kinda true I guess. Betty doesn’t need to be constantly figuring shit out but I’ll just pretend I never agreed with the woman in a fucking cult

- is Polly gonna tell her about her Betty’s “darkness” because PLEASE(or the webcamming). When Alice gets better she can call Betty out on her shit.

- Cheryl’s a queen, I love her place, but Moose is here so uhhhh ew.

- SWOSIE BITCHES!!!! I saw gifs of it and I love it

- “not even a tall, cool drink of sweet water like you...” as she STROKES HIS FUCKING CHEST I’M

- but he was so happy and cute “I can’t wait to see you in the hallways”

- BITCH SWEET PEA IS A ROMANTIC WHAT

- the way he leans back into the kiss is everything, and the way he watches her leave I’m star struck goodbye

- you give me Swosie just to immediately go to Mevin? You couldn’t have gone to another couple at least? Don’t ruin the moment ugh

- Kevin... is proposing... a sex pact? Wtf? But Moose looks so uncomfortable, which I find actually pretty sad. Kevin wants someone who’s out, who isn’t afraid to be with him in public and that person isn’t Moose. He was really happy with Joaquin and now that he knows why Joaquin was slightly distant there’ll be no secrets between them so... bring Joaquin back so Joavin can rise again you cowards! Moose needs to find himself, but he shouldn’t bring Kevin with him. He needs to go through this by himself.

- mmhm Reggie not giving a damn about Archie’s (fake) Serpent tattoo... I want to see Reggie apologize to the Serpents (and also find out that Sweet Pea is his brother oops)

- oh Bc Archie asks Reggie’s cool with the Serpents. I DEFINITELY need an apology right fucking now, Mantle.

- “whatcha thinking bout, babe?” BABE. B A B E. BABE BABE BABE BABE BABE BABE BABE

- I have subtitles on and it says “Tee-Tee” NO ITS T-T (or just TT)

- poor Cheryl 😭😭😭

- but also why the fuck is there a couch outside by the pool lmao

- Veronica is constantly about to cry and I’m... with her. I’m gonna cry too STAWP

- YAS JOSIE!!!!

- dilton... we were all excited to see you again but now you’re just being a creepy weirdo so...

- FANGS MY BBY

- UMMMMMM LEAVE HOTDOG ALONE

- lmao Betty seems so out of place at this little Serpent meeting... she really does not belong there

- “the Serpent Queen is a Warrior queen” the next fucking sentence better be Toni or Sweet Pea shutting her the fuck down. If she was a “Serpent Queen” she would ACTUALLY TRULY care about the Serpents instead of joining so she can stay closer to Jughead and shit

- Sweet Pea slightly shook his head in the background so I’m just gonna... pretend he told Betty to shut the fuck up

- Betty’s gonna fuck everything up and then blame it on someone else isn’t she

- Awww Archie overhearing his parents talking about Archie and the trial. “Even I couldn’t stop Hiram Lodge from getting his claws into our son” STAWP 😭😭😭

- Archie thinks that he deserves this? Bitch BETTY is the one who’s done actual (okay well the worst crimes of the group) crimes but her bitch ass isn’t going to jail! She never gets any repurcussions. If anyone deserves going to jail it’s Betty

- Sheriff Minetta... no one misses you

- Betty has her own Serpent jacket... I mean thanks I hate it but I also hate to admit that she looks actually good in it. Still doesn’t deserve to be a Serpent she’s done nothing for them except bone their “leader”

- lmao Cheryl is strong af pushing Betty back into the car.

- Jughead... do you seriously think they’re going to let you leave with Hot Dog? Lmao maybe you do deserve Betty you two are both idiots

- YASSS CHERYL FUCK MALACHAI UPPPPP

- this weird dream of Archie’s was pretty cool. I was confused for a second but still it was really awesome

- of course the one thing Betty ACTUALLY needs and she lies about it. Also, add forging prescriptions to her list of criminal offenses. Can you just once write Betty to be likable? When she comforted Veronica was great (although still need an apology from her) but that Serpent queen line... omfg no

- although they’re a part of a fucking cult Polly is making some great points.

- YOUNGBLOOD BY 5SOS!!

- So... despite being invited by Cheryl to her party they don’t invite her or anyone else to the fucking water hole place? Wtf

- “last one in gets a sticky maple!” That’s... kind of rude considering what Chuck did to Veronica. Speaking of where is Chuck? Did they start that redemption ark for NOTHING? Also the statement is worse when V is the last to jump in...

- wow look at Varchie being the hottest couple (there. The hottest couple is obviously Choni)

- Jughead you’re not supposed to burn the marshmallows

- JUGHEAD YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL ARCHIE TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT YOU STUPID FUCK

- YES BETTY! GET SOME FUCKING HELP

- If Jughead supports this, they will finally being going in a good direction? For once? Like if you’re going to force this disgusting ship on us at least make them healthy and tolerable

- I hate them but the beanie scene was cute. Probably because Cole actually improvised that

- When Varchie’s scene was still much better, hotter, and aesthetic than Betty and Jughead’s lmao thank you Riverdale

- why do they make Varchie cuter when they’re going to end them? This is bullshit

- hey maybe if they make Betty and Jughead cuter (cause let’s be honest they’ve had like two cute scenes that I’ll admit to lol) they’ll end their relationship too

- VEGAS

- what the fuck dilton lol

- “we can talk about this when I get back” wow that’s a surefire way to make sure that Dilton dies

- like I said Archie does something stupid and ruins EVERYTHING.

- Archie... if you’re FIGHTING FOR YOUR LIFE no one FUCKING cares that they’d have to go through this shit again. I love you but you’re stupid as fuck

- Veronica 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

- ARCHIE’S LAST WORDS WILL BE “I love you, Veronica” IM SOBBING

- Veronica’s look to Hiram is lethal and I’m here for it.

- Honestly... if they somehow manage to make this about Betty I’ll scream because we all know Betty has to be interwoven into every plot

- DADS OF RIVERDALE FUCK YEAH

- ALL OF THEM WORKING TOGETHER? YES BITCH

- AND VERONICA STILL HAS TO GO HOME WITH HIRAM?

- honestly though why didn’t they make her testify awhile ago? They said it was too late but her statement would help? She LIVES with the man, she could easily tell them about how much of a master manipulator he is like... what the fuck

- literally Veronica just wear a wire around Hiram so you can implicate him. He legit just told you that he did all of this to get back at you for choosing him over blood (also wow so healthy)

- “you don’t have a daughter anymore” we love and stan Veronica

- so... Jug shouldn’t have gone alone but uhh Dilton is fucking dead

- um what the fuck is with the babies... and also why is Betty convulsing? Probably gonna be blamed on the supernatural instead of her Adderral. (Also I just reached the limit of this holy fuck lmao)

#Riverdale #Riverdale Spoilers #Riverdale Thoughts #Riverdale Undefined #Riverdale 3.01 #Anti Bughead #Varchie #Swosie #Sweet Pea #Josie McCoy #anti betty cooper #South Side Serpents #Jughead Jones #Veronica Lodge #Fangs Fogarty #Falice

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paradisefovnd · 7 years

Note

8-12 for the multi muse meme

multimuse ask meme accepting

put this under a readmore bc it’s gonna get long

what is each of your muses otps? notps?

ruth balakov - otp: anything gay notp: darth vader??? idk

samir chaudhry - otp: i rlly like the thing goin on with @cverture‘s beth (im super slow in replying but ??? i like what we’ve got goin on) notp: voldemort

tutankhamun “tut” mcmullen - otp: ROWAN notp: that ask when rowan dumps him :(

jughead jones - otp: burgers notp: humans

melody valentine - otp: ALEXANDRA CABOT as written by @shenaniganelous notp: sadness

mark darcy - otp: BRIDGET OFC notp: not bridget???

choi han-kyul - otp: eun chan i cry :’) notp: someone who writes him off as a stupid playboy (and refuses to see his potential)

dr. noelle akopian - otp: a nice bath and glass of wine notp: any human who doesn’t treasure her like she deserves

greg serrano - otp: i’m trash but rebecca (also happiness) notp: greg and josh? (it’s not a bad ship i just can’t feel it for my greg? he thinks of josh as a bro and he can’t get those sexual feelins goin for chan)

maya - otp: aNYONE WHO TREATS HER WELL SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF MY BB notp: someone who is mean to her :(

valencia perez - otp: anything gay notp: valencia and men

johnny castle - otp: bABY notp: someone who takes advantage of him

blair warner - otp: GAY MOMS notp: not gay moms??

jo polniaczek - otp: GAY MOMS notp: not gay moms!!!

emily gilmore - otp: happiness notp: never having growth or independence

meredith quill - otp: diggin her and claire played by @iiinfiltrator!!! notp: ego

alice longbottom - otp: frank notp: what happens to her in canon

arthur weasley - otp: MOLLY notp: not molly

victoire weasley - otp: teddy, anything gay notp: idk??

helga g. pataki - otp: ARNOLD! notp: someone mean to her :(

effie trinket - otp: haymitch and anything gay notp: president snow??? idk

katniss everdeen - otp: madge :’) notp: men

jane villanueva - otp: michael, rafael, PETRA notp: adam :( (altho i might love him we’ll see)

michael cordero - otp: JANE GLORIANA VILLANUEVA notp: death :(

rogelio de la vega - otp: xiomara :’) notp: ppl being mean to him

elle woods - otp: VIVIENNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! notp: professor callahan?

ryan atwood - otp: taylor townsend :’) also marissa i cry notp: lindsay

pam beesly - otp: JIM notp: roy

fitzwilliam darcy - otp: elizabeth (maybe charles bingley??) notp: sadness

jane bennet - otp: charles and anything gay notp: mean people

queen clarisse renaldi - otp: JOE notp: sad

sabrina fairchild - otp: anything gay notp: david what a icky person

capheus onyango - otp: HAPPINESS notp: being pressured into things :(

princess fiona - otp: shrek, anything gay notp: lord farquaad

shrek - otp: fiona notp: dragon

charles brooks - otp: liza notp: his ex i forgot her name whoops

josh - otp: liza, happiness notp: cLAIRE IHATE

chuck bartowski - otp: SARAH notp: JILL >:(

denny duquette - otp: life notp: death :/

why were you drawn to each one of your characters?

ruth balakov - i’ve had her character in my head for such a long time, and i was finally just like “fuck it! i’m gonna write her!” bc i love parks and rec, but i just can’t play leslie bc there’s too much history and stuff and i really wanted to play a quirky nina fc bc i used to have one that i loved, and it just seemed like a perfect fit

samir chaudhry - i felt a desperate need to reply as an astronaut to @cverture‘s beth, and so samir was born

tutankhamun “tut” mcmullen - tut’s origin story is one of the best!!! so, @idyllicism and i decided to use this randomizing character generator to do a fun random thread, and it gave me tut (which is why his name is so out there) who has grown so close to my heart, and i am thankful

jughead jones - tbh i added jughead bc i wanted to write him properly aKA ASEXUAL! I’M LOOKIN AT U RIVERDALE

melody valentine - tbh… i added her bc i wanted to write her with jenna :) and also i loved archie comics as a kid and always thought melody was so beautiful and her voice came easily to me so !

mark darcy - buckle in, this is gonna be a long ride. bridget jones’s diary is one of those movies that i love to death. it’s one of my sick movies, it’s one of my sad movies, my homesick movies, it helps me feel better. so, watching bridget jones i’ve always identified with both of the lead characters, but there’s something about mark that was especially easy for me to access. i’m still trying to figure out exactly what it is, but there’s something to him that i just…understand, if that makes sense. when i decided to make a multi-muse, he was one of the very first characters i had as a muse bc i knew i had to add him. he’s in my heart and soul.

choi han-kyul - so han-kyul is another one of those characters who i just really strongly identify with. in coffee prince, he’s someone who undergoes some huge development in who he is, and when i saw the drama for the first time, it aligned with some things i was dealing with in my own life. his relationship with his father, his coming to terms with his sexuality, his maturation, his longing to live up to his own potential, it all just hit me. another heart and soul character.

dr. noelle akopian - i added her for the funsies

greg serrano - i think i added him because he helps me come to terms with some real life stuff i have going on and also because i loved his development and wanted to explore that past what the show was able to give us

maya - honestly she’s the most pure being, and i just had to add her

valencia perez - valencia is a goddess who deserves better and i’m looking forward to exploring why she is the way she is

johnny castle - when i saw dirty dancing, i fell in love with johnny, and that’s pretty much it. god bless.

blair warner - i cANNOT fuck this is taking so much longer than i thought it would, but i have so many muses, and want to give them all their proper due, and fuclasfhdads. so from the beginning, i walked into a gas station this summer, and one of the employees was like “oh my god, you look exactly like blair from the facts of life!” and i was like “haha thanks!” bc i didn’t know who she was, but my dad who was with me was like “oh my god she does!” and then he was like “she’s like her more than just in looks too” meaning our personalities were similar. so OFC i had to watch this show to see my doppelganger. and WOW i was amazed bc she’s the closest i’ve ever seen to myself in physical aspects but also we’re very similar personality-wise too, and after my first episode, i fell in love, and i just had to add her as a muse

jo polniaczek - i didn’t expect jo, but after i watched that first episode, i fell in love just as i did with blair. honestly, the writers and cast can say she’s straight all they want, but jo is a gay icon, and it’s just so cool to see a character like that who’s so layered. jo is sensitive but also tough. she’s gone through a lot, but still holds such compassion and i love her to death and fuckfdsakfasf she’s honestly ruined all human beings for me now bc she’s the ultimate.

emily gilmore - so, emily is another one of those relating characters. what can i, a 22 year old baby bi, have in common with an old middle aged straight? well, let me tell you: a LOT. i identify so much with the way that emily has tried all her life to succeed in the society she was brought up in and having set ways of doing things and then just…letting go and trying to make herself happy. it’s inspiring and i love her.

meredith quill - listen, i’m not a fan of superhero movies, but i like the guardians of the galaxy series, and when i saw the second movie, i fell instantly in love with meredith and her light, and i had to add her

alice longbottom - i have never read the books, but i’ve read a lot of fandom stuff, and i just love the longbottoms, and i like that there’s a certain amount of freedom there to explore who she is and her story

arthur weasley - arthur reminds me of my dad, and his voice comes super easily to me which is why i added him

victoire weasley - again, i like the amount of freedom i’m afforded in figuring out who she is and all that

helga g. pataki - this is another heart and soul character. as a kid, i was also mean and dramatic and precocious. i was a LOT like helga. even today, i struggle with trying to soften myself for the benefit of others because i can come across as intimidating (idk why??). but i just…it’s just like damn. i get you, helga. we both have an alcoholic parent, tense relationships with our older sisters, and we both don’t have a TON of friends and just feel kind of…out of place, i guess, in the world we live in. we’re a little out of place and i just get her. i understand her, and i’m glad that she exists.

effie trinket - she’s just such a fascinating character, and i want to explore her more

katniss everdeen - i get her

jane villanueva - see, jane is someone who i think i look up to. she’s someone i wish i could be more like. i chose to add her as a muse because i love her and just want to give her a nice life bc lord knows she deserves it

michael cordero i added him bc he loves jane and is a huge dork and so caring and i lvoe him

rogelio de la vega - in a weird way, this is another character i relate a lot to. we’re both dramatic and a little vain, but we also care a lot about our family and most of the time, our intentions are good. he’s honestly such a fun character, and i’m glad i added him.

elle woods - i added her bc she’s amazing??? one of the best people of all time??? and her voice came easily to me so i was like “all right!!!!”

ryan atwood - he’s my fave character from the oc. i love his development, and i love how he’s not exactly who you expect him to be. you think he’s gonna be this big troublemaker, but actually, he just wants a stable life, and he wants the people he loves to be happy. he just wants peace

pam beesly - she’s another heart character. i think a lot of people find it easy to relate to pam bc she goes through so many relatable things, and her story is overcoming insecurities and becoming more confident, and i think that’s something a lot of people can see themselves in.

fitzwilliam darcy - i mean, i’ve always loved pride & prejudice, and i’ll be damned if darcy isn’t the easiest character for me to understand (a lot like mark)

jane bennet - she holds a special place in my heart bc people have said i’m like jane, and i’m always like “i wish” bc she’s the softest, most pure, most kind person, and i just needed that positivity in my life

queen clarisse renaldi - mY LOVE i love how they made her so layered in the movies, giving you hints of her background. i’ve always been interested in exploring her past, so i added her as a muse (another character whose voice came easily to me)

sabrina fairchild - sabrina is one of those movies i would watch after school was i was younger. i loved the romanticism of it and the costumes and music, and as i grew older, i started to think that it would have made for a more interesting movie if sabrina dumped linus at the end rather than ending up with him. what’s so interesting about that movie is her growth. she goes from a very dark place and undergoes some major development while still holding underpinnings of her past despite desperately trying to leave them behind.

capheus onyango - i love sense8, so i knew i wanted to add muses or a muse from there, and going through all the characters, capheus’s voice was the one that came most easily to me. he’s more than just his optimism, and i love having him in my roster bc he has such warmth and compassion for those around him. he worries about how his actions will affect others, and i just have such immense love for him.

princess fiona - me??? i grew up on shrek, and i love it in the most unironic way possible. i sincerely adore the movie and the musical, and fiona is a character i’ve always loved and related to a little bit.

shrek - but more than relating to fiona, i probably relate to shrek more. my family has always joked that i’m like an onion too and that i have layers just like shrek. he grosses me out a lil with all the farting and earwax, but otherwise, i love shrek and think that for living alone for years after being abandoned by his parents, he was able to grow rather quickly once meeting other people, and shrek is good in my book

charles brooks - he’s another darcy like character, although i don’t love him as much. i added him bc lbr the younger fandom needs him

josh - mY SON i love josh and i think that he has so much growing to do, and i love how the show has left some of his background open so that i can take a lil bit more liberty in figuring him out. i also love his adventurous spirit and his ease while also being so loyal and loving. he’s someone i really love.

chuck bartowski - chuck is one of those types that’s easier for me to write, and i think it’s just cause one of our core values is the same: family. family is one of the most important things to him, and it’s one of the most important things to me, and i think we just get each other in that aspect and more.

denny duquette - “i’m a man! i’m a strong virile horse of a man stuck in the body some weak sick bastard that I don’t know, like or recognize. now if you knew what that feels like, you would have never convinced me to let a battery run my heart. if you knew what that feels like izzie, you would have let me go.” this is why.

which muse is the most fun to write for?

again, i have fun with all of them, but probably rogelio. he’s just so much fun to write. helga is a lot of fun too! and ruth!

is there another muse you’ve been thinking of adding or writing for? who?

i mean, there are always more muses i’m thinking of adding. i’ve thought about adding na ae-ra from cunning single lady, but i’m pretty sure no one would write with her, so i haven’t added her yet.

i’m planning on watching the good place, and i just know i’ll probably wanna add someone from there

adding someone from frasier would be cool, but like…i highly doubt there would be an audience for them. like i’d love to write niles or smth, but idk if anyone’s even watched it. i mean, that hasn’t stopped me before, but i’m not pressed about it rn

i’ve always been wanting to add elizabeth from the crown because she’s another one of those characters i just super strongly relate to, but seeing as how she’s actually a real person, i haven’t. this is where i get a little confused because i know she’s a real person, but also, the show takes liberties, and she’s not actually queen elizabeth. like if i could take her character and make her not the real queen of england i would? but i just don’t know about what other people think of that? i dont knowslfjhads it’s a weird situation.

also someone from the west wing

what is something everyone should know about your muses before interacting?

sometimes, the muse for a certain character isn’t always there, so i can be really slow in replying.

#thank u lissa for sending me some!!!!#this took so long bc i wrote so much ims aljfhsdfhsldjfha #( answered tag. )#( mun tag. )#imthelcstprincess

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holy-fucking-damn-shit · 7 years

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Supernatural Survey

I was tagged by @bend-me-shape-me thank you ♥ i love these things

1. What season did you start watching Supernatural? Season 1!! although I wasn’t really super into it until season 2

2. Who was the first character you fell in love with? Dean fudging Winchester

3. Who was a character that you hated at first but grew to love? hmm, i’d say Bela Talbot. Actually, couldn’t stand her until I re-watched the whole show. I then realised she was completely hilarious and I’d wish she’d stayed longer :(

4. Which character would you most want to be in a long-term relationship with? interesting question... of course Dean♥

5. If you could go on a date with just one character, which one would you choose? I mean I don’t want to answer with Dean every question, so Cas he would be very entertaining I imagine

6. What would you do on that date? Maybe a theme park? or somewhere he would be all cute and confused. I think we’d go to an aquarium.

7. Which character would you most want to be like? I could name any of the bad ass female characters so I’ll just pick Charlie

8. Which character would you most want to see brought back from the dead? (im not including cas because obviously CAS!) Gabriel #1, BENNY #2, Eileen #3, Bobby #4, Crowley #5, Charlie #6

9. Which character would you most like to punch? Definitely Lucifer, I always haated Gordon from season 2-3, in fact, he is probably the only character that I’ve continueously hated so yeah I’d punch him

10. Who is your absolute favorite character? It’s Dean but sometimes it’s Castiel, then sometimes it’s Dean and other times it’s Castiel (So Destiel right?)

11. Which “Big Bad” do you think was the worst? by worst do you mean the best bad guy or the one I least liked? hmm

Lord knows how much I hate the Bmol, and not because they’re good bad guys because they fucking sucked

I really liked Abaddon, but the best would be Lucifer (only in season 5 tbh or Casifer) I loved the built up from seasons 1-5 and Mark totally met my expectations

12. Which character are you most like? Apart from the fact that I am completely ugly and have absolutely no love life I am the same as Dean. Isn’t it weird sad how I hate myself more than anything but my favourite character ever is the one most like me??

I find it so easy to relate to Dean, feels worthless, 100% self loathing, feels the need to protect loved ones but doesn’t understand when they do the same (lol they don’t) gets angry af sometimes, no one seems to know who Dean very is even Sam, is treated with a lot of tough love when he really needs soft gentle affection, dying of loneliness, gets too attached and can’t leave toxic relationships *coughssam* I could continue to go on but I won’t

13. What death hit you the hardest? Bobby’s - It was such a fun episode so it took me completely by surprise

Cas’s- I spent all episode sobbing to myself that I didn’t want to see Cas die...

14. What season finale hit you the hardest? Season 12 because Cas, but probably season 5 I literally had to take a break from watching spn after it like damn wow. If I re-watched the show again I’d watch up to season 5 and then particular episodes from 6 onwards.

15. What are your ten all-time favorite episodes? In not order: Lazarus Rising, Changing Channels, The French Mistake, Swan Song, The End, Dog Dean Afternoon, Free to be You and Me, In my time of Dying, Bad day at Black Rock, Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magical Menagerie,

16. What’s been your favorite season? I thought about it a lot and it’s definitely season 5. Kripke did a really great job of setting everything from 1-5 and I love it. I’m a very emotion tv show watcher, so too much sad really drains me, but this season has some of the funniest episodes as well as some super depressing (but awesome) ones. It also has both Castiel and Crowley in it so that’s like 500 + bonus points from me

17. Who is your favorite angel? Castiel, who else?♥

18. Who is your favorite demon? Crowley I also loved Abaddon

19. Who’s your favorite evil character? I really really liked Cain, i don’t really think of him as evil though yes he’s a demonic murderer, whatever

20. Do you have any Supernatural ships? I only ship what I see with my eyes and connect with, so basically, I only have one main ship (OTP actually) and that is and always will be Destiel

21. Who’s your favorite supporting actor? SHit I love the entire cast ,, favourite acting ? they are all seriously talented. I don’t know if he counts but Misha, even though he is a main character!!! (his jimmy novak was so different to his cas it’s so freaking cool to watch)

22. What’s your favorite quote from the show? damn just one? do I go meaningful or comedy? ask me again in 100 years when I can go through them all and find one

23. If you could cast one famous actor in an episode of SPN, who would you choose? Totally not my idea, but someone made a post about having Robert Pattinson play himself, and he hunts vampires Lmaoo

24. If you could write your own episode, what kind of creatures would you like to see included? Something that messes with the mind like the djinn or the wraith

25. Who’s your favorite girl that Dean’s hooked up with? um, no one from the later seasons because Dean HAS a freaking husband, so I get Cassie?

26. Who’s your favorite girl that Sam’s hooked up with? I really liked Jess, she made him happy. I know they didn't hook up but I also like Sarah, and I like Maddison

27. What are some of your favorite convention moments? the fact that cockles panels keep getting gayer.

I think it was at Nerd HQ - Misha’s fart story , can never stop laughing about it The makeup on the pillow j2 lmao That little girl who asked Mark what Fergus/Crowley sold his sold for and then said I’m just kidding I know exactly what he got - i was in actual tears Jared and the scare bears app I have the app *giggles*

^If anyone actually reads this sorry and wants a link just ask me^

28. If you were going to guest star (or be a recurring guest star) on SPN, how would you want your character to be described? exactly how i am, short, thick thighs thin patience, frizzy afro hair, wimpy in the inside bad ass on the outside, bff’s with cas and dean

29. What do you hope to see in the next season? I’m honestly so conflicted, because there has never been more canon destiel and I really truly want it but I’m sure they won’t but I’m also yelling at myself because season 12 was GAAAAAY bi

30. - 40. If you had to choose…

Bobby or John? Bobby

Bela or Ruby? Bela

Jess or Madison? Jess

Jo or Lisa? Jo

Charlie or Kevin? Charlie

Balthazar or Ash? Balthazar, but ash :(

Cas or Crowley? Cas

Ben or Claire? Claire

Jody or Donna? They are a duo, you get them together

Sam or Dean? I’m a 99% Dean girl and a 1% Sam girl so you do the math :) no hate just preference

I’ m tagging @useless-blog-nobody-follows ♥ and ♥ @sirikenobi167 ♥ and ♥ @punk-ass-cass Don't have to if you’re not interested :)

#spn #this is so long lmao who would read this #supernatural

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cyanpeacock · 5 years

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Realtalk(tm): Pain.png

ok so hello again my good and loyal scrubs.

im in pain again today? and like, as is frequent, not understanding its source very well or what to do about it very well

and i think maybe, all i can do is accept it? if the pain isn’t going away despite, like, changing activities, and drinking water, and eating, then is it just, like, i can’t avoid it? can’t get away from it?

a lot is like, the pain of that little kid who got pulled around physically and verbally and emotionally. a lot of like, this pain can’t be real, i’m just, you know, acting, or faking, or something.

but like... this doesn’t benefit me at all. i’ve tried acting happy! i do not feel happy, i feel very sad, and the smile comes out all sad. i can’t, like, beam on command. so, i suppose i am just sad and in pain. and i can’t change that, only manage it.

my head hurts like I might get a full-on migraine but idk yet.

some of the pain is also the pain of a young man who didn’t, like, even realise yet that what he was going through was abuse, so he was transferring it onto others he did “love” but couldn’t love healthily, and really doing his best to apologise when it was made known to him he was hurting people, but didn’t understand there are some things an apology can never heal.

there is also the pain of an older younger man who bonded through trauma with someone, and while that person was a wonderful amazing woman so often, she really hurt him, like, so much, by denying some of his real actual experience of pain, instead of validating it. and i don’t know for sure, because this is a conversation that may never happen, but i’m pretty sure i did the same to her?

and then like, my mother’s voice is there, saying, “you’re making this up,” “stop exaggerating,” “i think you’re overreacting.”

but like, on Counselling Day this week, i told my counsellor i hated my mother? and saying that now brings me a sense of... weird relief. no more guilt. because i felt it so often. i felt, i fucking hate this woman, i hate what she’s doing to me, i hate that i can’t escape-- and then it was time to like, go downstairs, and she’d be all... how she was. “I love you really.” “You’ll understand later.” “You’re being silly.”

like... i never said that before? not even to my counsellor, who i’ve been seeing for literally like, four years, on and off? is that how deep she made me bury those extreme fucking feelings, for her comfort?

i’m still really like... disconnected from my body. eating and sleeping and like, shit like how much weight i can carry without literally crying and stuffing it back down again, is evading me. but, like, it’s kind of making sense as to why it’s so difficult now.

and i keep thinking! like, why can’t i just “pack it up!”, you know?! why can’t i just shove this all away and hide it like i used to!

well, uh, i did that for so long, again, that the cardboard box exploded, and i went completely fucking manic and psychotic in the street.

and i thought my grandad would help me, you know? give me a room to stay in? at least help me get a supervised stay in a hospital? and he didn’t.

the psychiatrist i saw before the incident took off also didn’t help me. and recently, i learned a lot of other people have had Major Problems with the guy. like, major confidentiality breaches, disclosure of serious personal trauma to entire rooms full of very uncomfortable people who knew they shouldn’t be hearing this. but because he is the consultant psych for my area, the top dog, i don’t know what anyone can do about that?! we’re all sick! we barely have the energy to live, let alone complain enough to kick him out of health services!!!

it fucking shakes me, right. it was his eyes? like, i’m a masochist, i’ll share that pretty freely on here. and i’ve known self-proclaimed sadists and sadistic people, very well, actually. they have this weird, like... it’s like, it’s not even the look a predatory animal has. it’s literally just a human being who takes joy in observing other human beings in horrific pain. like, they laugh at videos of men being thrown in wood chippers, or hit by cars. actual things i have seen. it’s a total absence of empathy.

this “doctor” had that fucking look. he looked just like NBC’s hannibal lecter. “Mmm, fascinating.” a really good front of “professional curiosity,” but like, dude, i saw how his legs were crossed, and how his face tightened to hide a smile. i’ve seen these things on other, dangerous, prejudiced people.

i have been dangerous and prejudiced. i’m still capable of being these things. but i do everything i can to catch myself in those moments, and counter the dangerousness and the prejudice. this guy just, you know, said there was nothing he could do to help me, when i was literally going full insanity, you know?

i’m realising i’ve been drawn to people with that look behind their eyes, thinking i can trust them, when actually i can just recognise them. i had suspicions about my grandfather? he’s always been very... uhm, you know, attracted to “exotic” places, objectifying cultures and people, displaying sacred totems and caricatures of sacred totems that bothered me in a way i couldn’t articulate, but was aware of. i found them beautiful too! they were beautiful items. it was just... the way he talked about “the locals” and not “the people.” disconnected. physically he lived well?

so yh i looked at that, i thought, this seems healthy enough? but inside, i don’t think he’s doing so hot with humanity. apparently counsellors should never offer to counsel a family member, and he did that for me. i turned it down, knowing that would be way too weird, and i couldn’t tell him shit, because he’d probably tell claire.

of course, the recent thing where he lost it with me, and indirectly sent me home in the dogbox of a cop car means i won’t be contacting him again, as far as i can control it. he had this like, furious, “no-sympathy-for-you-you-lying-breaking-in-thief” look on his face. like he thought i must be on crack and lying about it, or something, when really i was on no drugs at all, psychotic, and having a horrible flashback to hiding beside the washing machine as a kid waiting for somebody to grab me and hit me.

i get why people go to that place. it’s cheap and easy power to laugh at others’ misfortune. but like, i can’t laugh at that. i can go “OH my god AHAHA WOW FUCK. he got, he got ATE.” if i’m beside one of those people, to hide and stay safe, but i can’t ignore the like... wow, fuck, my body feels that, fuck, there went his leg, shit, i recognise that, that’s brain-- thing i get, which i suppose is empathy? feeling what another feels?

the sadist i knew best preyed on empathic people, and boasted he was an empath himself to confuse the hell out of his targets. i literally never saw him display empathy, he always responded with a different emotion, instead of feeling the same? but like, i’d had that before, from my masochistic mother who was dealing with abuse by being the cruel one with power, so yeah.

i did that too. i fucked a life up, maybe two, i don’t know. i was still really young when it happened, and couldn’t know better, because i’d never seen better.

i had to understand that about my mother before i could understand it about myself, because of “imagine how I feel!”

so yeah, i spotted the cycle of abuse, i’m fucking, trying to cope with how quickly it’s turning in my mind, because i suppose love is appropriately balancing behaviours in order to foster... well, nurturing? i’m trying to nurture what i’ve got back to health.

and like, uh, my mind is on fire. i can learn like hell, always have done, always will do. my emotions? also on fire now, instead of, like, almost completely extinguished. because... well, like, i can’t let them go out. that’s how i hurt somebody again, that’s how i destroy another life. that might be why some or all of the sadists i know, and in the world, are Like That. they hurt so much they put their feelings out so they can feel power again. because, yeah, control over emotions borne from extreme, life-or-death situations? there isn’t any. it was life-or-death, man. your body just Acts.

it’s really frustrating, because... i can write about these things really well. i can sing about some of it, but only to myself, with the door open, hoping somebody will hear, but too scared to sing in front of another body, even though i know somebody will need to hear those songs, and cry, or smile, or feel nothing. i can speak about it, but SO goddamn slowly, it takes ages to get through the questions. thinking about it? jesus christ, only if i think like a machine, literally like the pistons of an engine keeping the same beat the whole time.

acting about it? holy fuck. what the hell. uh, so, my body is-- it’s telling me a thing. i can sing about it. i can write about it. i can learn about it. but i’m hungry, man! how do i... okay, slowly talking to myself. i need... what do i have? things that need cooking. but the pan is heavy! it hurts my wrists! but i need food. but my shoulder hurts too, so... do i make it hurt more? do i not eat? but i need food. but if i make food, my shoulder and wrist hurt more. and then i slip into confused loops of thinking until something gets intense enough to force the body to just, Do An Action.

part of me is thinking, well, if i can write about this shit here, do i really need a counsellor any more?

but like, looking at him, i see he’s still really worried about me. because yeah... no social support network, can’t eat or sleep on a schedule, retreating hella deep into fantasy and creative pursuits and learning about very complicated things every day... i mean, it has its benefits, but i’m basically a hermit. and i really, REALLY want to be able to WORK in a LABORATORY. which means, teamwork.

the last time i did a group project was, uh, well. i haven’t done one since because of what happened? i had a whiteout as it was my turn to present and just, bolted. disappeared for the rest of the presentation, showed up at the end to apologise to the module convener. i was shaking like hell for... shit, the whole way home, i probably smoked pot until i blacked out, told my personal tutor i couldn’t do THAT again. bc i forced myself, thinking, I Have To Do This No Choice.

turns out, they would have let me not do it if i’d explained. but i was really thinking Oh Fuck I Have To Try.

i’ve got another group research project coming up, but that will be not this academic year, but the next. hopefully by then i will have been to group therapy and... uh, articulated this stuff to other people who are going through it, in person? in a healthy way? there’s gonna be a supervisor there, apparently, and i’m so scared, but i know i gotta go. i can’t avoid this forever. i can’t get better alone. i wanna be able to connect with others who have lived like this in person, not just on here?

i keep “choosing” to be alone, but it’s not much of a choice, really, because i know how much... well, shit. put it this way. i’m feeling So Goddamn Much all i can do is cry in the street and sometimes sing a few lines while nobody is around to really hear the song. bc part of emotional regulation is emotional expression, and i know full well i’ve felt these feelings out in the street before, but haven’t been able to express them at all. like, i just, felt without feeling. disconnected entirely.

i can’t live that way forever. if i do that, i know i’ll lash out at people in numbness, because i won’t be able to register my own intensity.

i tried getting rid of the intensity? you know, an antipsychotic, allegedly mood stabilising, but seriously. for me... i felt so flat and slow and stupid after the dose passed like, 50mg? i’m thinking, man, actually, maybe i need this intensity, otherwise i’m never gonna properly process and express my traumas, which i’m aware i need to do to... well, get to a point where i can Work Happily In A Lab.

i know it’s not happily ever after! i know if i get there, i’m still gonna be striving for more, because everybody wants to grow, and everybody wants to go up. but really, it would be... like, it would be so much. it’s why i’m clinging on. it’s why i’m still alive after almost 22 years of... well, predominantly pain.

but i gotta get out of pain to get there. slowly, because it doesn’t all change at once.

i’m still not sure how acceptance works? how do i accept this pain. it’s still fucking rocking my damn boat every day. if i capsize, that’s suicide, you know? and i’m well aware that one more trauma could be the one that kills me. but i don’t want it to be. it might just... you know. seem like the only way out, again.

because i am one of the lucky ones. i did run away, then i ran away again, then i got a room in a hostel instead of being on the street for years, and happened to come across an amazing counsellor who will see me for free when things get bad enough i run out of money, and i got an unconditional offer from the university that are saving my god damn Hopes and Dreams and life.

but i’m also one of the unlucky ones. i had to run away, twice. i was homeless. i had to find a private counsellor, because the NHS wouldn’t or couldn’t get me help before the next time i tried to kill myself. i ended up in massive prescription debt, and emergency loan debt to the university, which they’re going to try and pay off, but like-- it’s debt, man, like, thousands. maybe ten. i couldn’t even read all the letters, i had to get a welfare officer to do it for me.

and PIP... are checking boxes. instead of looking at my life. i’m able, to keep coming here, to the university i’m sitting in right now, and learning, because I Find Ways. but the Ways i’m Finding are... so difficult. they could be SO much less difficult. all i need is money, man. so i can afford food that’s easy to prepare and eat. so i can afford transport. so i can buy things to replace what i fuck up when i’m really, really ill. so i can afford, you know, just a few things that make me smile? like, to have a holiday? so i can keep seeing my fucking counsellor and pay him for the work he does for me?! i can and will find a way to do this, somehow, but money would speed it up so much, and get me quicker to a point where i’m balanced enough to HOPEFULLY start Working for Pay. paying my tax, putting money in so other people like me can get a leg up.

the fact that i could only start singing my own songs, the ones i always wanted to sing, after cutting contact with my entire family... it’s kind of an indicator to me i’d lost them already.

i mean, i’ve been estranged for... three years? four? i don’t actually know, exactly. i went back occasionally... always had to use drugs of some kind to get to sleep at night.

i don’t use that way any more. i don’t wanna go numb to that tiny little child who hated “her” mum. like... she’s not even me, just, you know, that was my body? i wasn’t even allowed to be a he back then. “there were no signs.” as IF, you just didn’t ever fucking listen. i HAVE to listen to that kid. i have to acknowledge that this is pain this body felt. and nobody, ESPECIALLY not her, can take it away. because i have ownership of my body, and my memories, and i know how publicly, explosively, dangerously unwell i used to be.

i’m a lot, lot better, now. i have crazy skills i never had before, but it’s literally, like, dude, the fire is still burning, i have to stand here with a bucket of water constantly to put it out when it gets too big, and i keep fucking getting burned! i need help! there’s SO MUCH, you know?

i can’t even put the sim card i had to reorder in my phone yet, it’s such a relief to not have That Fucking Thing to deal with. i’m already dealing with, like, seeing my mother’s Disappointed Face(tm) staring right back at me when i pause for just a fucking moment to think.

i want a break, man, and i know it’s not coming, bc i can’t block this out with drugs any more, and the pain lives inside me, so i just gotta... i just gotta keep processing. it wraps itself up when it’s a point where i can, you know, kind of do something else, for a little while.

#fliptext #trauma #abuse #neglect #and so on so forth #medical neglect

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