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glutenfree-rootbeer · 1 year

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Amateur storytelling; based off a horrible dream I had. I am not a writer. This is a post-apocalyptic story. TW; sexual assault

At first, it was thousands, then millions of lives lost. I'm not sure how I was one of the ones who survived and I'm not sure I would consider myself a lucky one, though I know that's in poor taste. I was only 17 when the world stopped and we lost all those people. It was almost like a glitch in reality or a computer overloading and deleting information. I'm not even sure they considered it part of global warming, but the earth seemed to fall apart fast. Hurricane force winds in areas that had never seen hurricanes, several volcanoes all at once, devastating earthquakes so large the stretched between multiple cities. All of this happened in under a month. Thousands of sinkholes have opened up so driving a car is pretty risky considering anything heavy driving through an area youre unsure of, is possible suicide by earth swallowing. No one could have been prepared for it. Two years have gone by and I have a ‘found family’, Kelly, Lena and I are around the same age give or take a year and with us is a father son duo; Steven and Jeffrey.

Steven is probably around 28 although he's never told us exactly and Jeffery, our group dad, is somewhere in his 50s. Together we mostly keep roaming and scavenging. Looking for a good place to settle, though its been 2 years and nothing has been good enough for one reason or another. Steven is cold, gruff, mean and hard to get along with. He has long hair and a pointy nose. He mostly keeps to himself but he's handy and protective over us like an older brother. Hes quick thinking in high pressure situations, which can only be a good thing. Jeffery is warm and loving, but when everything happened he was injured so he walks with a limp. He almost looks like the monopoly man without the top hat and more hair on his head. We end up having to help out frequently, but he’s wise, with survival knowledge we’re all lacking. He's our voice of reason and leader. Im sure we all feel we need a parental figure replacement in this fucked up world we found ourselves in- so theres that too. Sometimes it feel like Steven wishes it was just him and his dad but sometimes he lets it show that he needs our help too. Kelly is immature and afraid of almost everything, none of us are sure how she made it that first 2 years, let alone before the bad times. I found her 6 months after the world stopped. Sometimes it felt like I was keeping a stray puppy but the company and loyalty she gave was unmatched in this horrible world. We had each other's backs even though she was considerably shorter than me. We looked like we could be sisters though, something about brown hair and brown eyes can make anyone look related. Lena is the most recent addition to the group, she's tough and strong. And if we are the generic-stock brown hair-brown eyed girls, Lena was our gay goth sister. Short dark hair and hazel eyes, she almost never smiled. She's also very quick and sneaky which helps a lot when you're like us, scavenging the new world for things to survive. She is ruthless compared to us, and raised on a farm so never afraid to get her hands dirty. Overall we all brought something to the table that kept us together.

We had finally made it to a mountain town up north, the town is rumored to be untouched which is good because it means things haven't been picked over by people like us yet. The bad news about us is only Jeff has a gun, so we need to stay near him for safety. With all the people left and the lawlessness uncertainty of the new world we have to be careful of bad people. There's always been bad people lurking in the shadows but in the now-time they lurk in the sunshine, desperately looking for people-people like us. We settled in a nearby campground with cabins, just short of the town. This gives Jeff a couple days of a much needed break. After all, with a limp and no car- entirely uphill in high altitude, this has been our longest trip. With no verbal agreement on how long we’d be here in this mountain town, Kelly said out loud many times up the mountain (almost as a mantra to keep motivated) that she hoped we’d actually stay here for a while. Secretly I hope she was right.

Jeff sent us into town, giving Steven his only gun and barricaded the cabin door as we left. Lena and Steven did not get along, despite both being very quiet and strong headed. They argued the entire way there about the best way to enter the town. This was normal for them, sometimes I wonder if Steven was a girl if they would have fucked already and gotten it over with. Alas they always seemed stuck in a never ending argument, but I think they liked it secretly. Kelly and I happily trailed along behind them. I looked around constantly behind me, I didn't trust us being the only ones here, too many bad experiences. Once we reached town it was evident we were not the only ones here. A small group already scavenging the south part of the town gave us uneasy looks as we passed by the store front. Two of the men exchanged hushed whispers, you could see in their eyes the intent. This wouldn't be the first time and surely won't be the last a group of men feels like they could overtake us. Steven said ‘friendly, just traveling through’ and the men took a step closer out the door. Steven pulled his gun from his waistband and stepped in front of us and said ‘friendly and armed, just traveling through guys’ and the men seemed to back step into the store, we all quickly walked ahead of steven as he kept a close eye on that store while we walked up the center of town, now wary of this so called ‘empty’ town. I guess we weren't the first to make it up here after hearing it was abandoned in fear of landslides. Lena and I were paranoid, checking every alley way, parking lot, or street that came up, scanning every store front to see if there were more, but it seemed to be empty. We rounded a corner to a park on the side of town, hoping it would be safer through here rather than walking directly through. A frail man and his young son sat at a park bench and jumped up at the sight of us. ‘Friendly and armed’ Steven warned again, this time keeping the gun stowed. The father kept a steady mean look on us but seemed like he was more afraid we would take his kid than him hurting us. We walked around him and made our way up to the north-east corner of town. A grocery store comes into view and we make our way to the back door and bust it open. Grocery store back doors always seem to be the easiest to bust open. Once inside the back stockroom, us 3 girls sit behind a pallet while Steven goes ahead to make sure the place is clear. We get the ‘all clear’ whistle and start grabbing things from the stockroom. Making our way out to the isles where Steven is already in the medicine aisle taking what he can. ‘Its weird-‘ he says ‘someones been in here but they didn't clear it out, some isles aren't even touched. And look at this- *pointing to a an empty row of medicine next to a completely stocked row* someone had a preference on medicine I guess’. He was right, it looked like a group had been there but had refused certain items. When you’re desperate and have been walking uphill for days you don't really care to put thought into things like this. We filled our backpacks as much as we could carry. By now it was probably afternoon judging by the sun.

We made our way around the north-west side so we could go down the edge of town hopefully missing that group we saw before. When rounding the corner we noticed we were entering ‘old town’ as the signs everywhere showed. It was a candy store standing brightly colored with hard candies displayed still intact and not one sign of forced entry that caught our eye. I think this clouded our judgment, like the child in all of us screamed to be let out for just a minute. Steven, who never seemed okay with a little fun, obliged. A rock to the window pane on the door and a reach around opened it up real quick. Not the most quiet method but no one seemed to be around to hear it anyways. We shoved so much candy in our pockets, even Steven was putting handfuls into his pockets. With Kelly going as far as to stuff some in her bra. All of us happily sucked on a different candy, pockets full, we left. A couple stores down was a clothing store, it looked like some type of tourist trap shop with clothing that had the mountains name all over it, the door already shattered. Kelly was the first in without looking back and Steven looked wary, upset almost, like his voice inside his head said ‘we have to go back to Jeff’ but he couldn't muster it up. I said ‘i'll go in with her just in case’ and Lena, eyeing the knife store across the street said ‘and i'll be over there’ happily skittering across to the window and door which were also shattered open. Steven followed Lena and said ‘holler if you need us.’ While giddily following her into the knife store. Inside Kelly was dumping her candy out of her tattered pockets and trying on new jackets, tying shirts to her backpack handles, and ripping new socks out of their packages to fix to her belt loops. I couldn't stop catching a white dress out of the corner of my eye. Ridiculous. Useless. No reason for me to need a dress anymore. But something about how beautiful it was, how clean it was, had me distracted from everything else. It put me in a happier place to even look at the dress.

I grabbed it and stuffed it in my pants like a packrat, the dress part sticking out like a cape. I started to grab a couple clean shirts and tie them to my backpack as well when I suddenly heard a gunshot. Now two- three-a long pause. And a fourth. Kelly looked at me in terror, im sure my face read the same. With limited ammunition, firing that gun was only for emergencies. We both crept to the front of the store to see a truck pulled up down the street, just out of earshot. A group of rough big looking men surrounding the knife shop… Lena and Steven are nowhere to be seen. As fast as we could take in what we were seeing, one of the men points us out.

Three of the men exchanged words and started heading our direction. How stupid of us I felt, but the fear quickly overrode that. ‘What do we do?!’ Kelly said panicked. I yell ‘armed and friendly’ which does not stop the men from walking our direction at all, one of them, a tall blond man, even cracks a smile. I throw down my backpack and so does Kelly, we head to the back hoping to barricade ourselves in a room. The changing rooms had large gaps under and above so that was a no go, the office was our only choice. The lock broke off the office door long ago, we both leaned on the door hoping our weight would be enough- it wasn't. Three men slam into the door sending us flying. One man grabs Kelley by her ankles and drags her out, the second man grabbing her wrists like she was a pig ready for a roast. She's flailing and thrashing around and the men are laughing like it's a game. The blond man stares at me with that same disgusting evil smile he had before. I grab my knife out of my pocket and I run at him. He quickly grabs my wrist and twists my hand around till I drop the knife and I start repetitively hitting him with my other fist. I kick him in the dick and try to get around him but before I can get through the door frame I feel my shirt get yanked to the ground. He kicks my abdomen hard, I lose breath for a minute. I grab the door frame and kick as hard as I can at his ankles and he reaches down and pulls me up like I'm a rag doll. I scratch at his arms to be let go and he punches me in the face. I slip out of his grip, clenching my abdomen and gasping for breath, I just start punching and he punches back. I fall to the ground again and another man comes in and asks if he needs help. Barely coherent I spit blood at him as he grabs me by the waist and drags me out. ‘I always like the ones who play hard to get’ he whispers in my ear as he drags me out. Before losing consciousness entirely I see Steven’s lifeless corpse with what seems like an impossible amount of blood around him in the knife store. I see Lena with a dragged trail of blood behind her sat up against a wall outside and two of the men talking about how she's not worth the trouble because she won't make it. She’s barely breathing and clearly shot. A pool of blood collects under her. I slowly pass out.

I wake up in a cabin, and for a minute I forget where I am. My wrists are tied together and I can feel my face is swollen and disfigured. Dried blood stains my face and shirt, crusting and flaking off. I hear a woman's voice from the other room ‘I can't believe people would be so barbarian and do that to this poor girl, she's lucky you came along. Let me know if you need anything else sweetie. I'll send Millie up to get her cleaned up’. For a moment I hope that someone else found me, saved me, took me to their camp. The voice sounds kind and loving. The door closes. I look back at my wrists tied together tightly. Reality sets in. The blond man walks in, with his evil grin. ‘Ah you're awake. My little fighter, you really tried didn’t you?’ he says, bandaged up around his wrists where I had dug for blood, a black eye to match with a red swollen jaw. Fear and terror set in. ‘Fuck you’ I barely spit out. ‘And fuck you too.’ He replies happily. I tried to sit up but the pain from the kick to my abs was very apparent and I immediately collapsed back down. ‘Untie me you coward’ I say with my teeth gritted. He sits comfortably at the edge of the bed ‘the doctor will be back in town tonight to look at you but his nurse said you should live, so that's good news for us’. ‘Let me go, untie me!’ I beg. The evil smile is back ‘now why would i do that, i just saved you’.

There's a knock at the door, he leaves the room and I hear a faint dainty voice say ‘hello mister’ and he says ‘heya millie, right this way, thanks for coming by. Leave her tied for your own safety, she’s a little confused about where she is, poor thing’ and I see a scared looking woman walk into the room with a medical bag. The man comes in with a bucket full of soapy water and it isn't till just now that I realize one of my eyes is almost entirely swollen shut and my clothes have been removed down to my long johns. The girl looks barely 18, and says nothing to me. Only looking in my eyes to clean them carefully with a washcloth. She works softly to remove the blood from my face and applies cream to what I can only assume by feeling the pain are wounds all over my face and arms. She works carefully around the makeshift handcuffs around my wrists and it’s eerily quiet. After a bit she packs up her stuff and he comes back in to dump the water out and she quietly leaves the room. Confused, stunned and shook up, I lay there too pained to move. I hear him moving about in the other room, I try to decide what he's doing, maybe eating? Cleaning? I'm not sure. I look around the room, a small set of windows on the far side of the room almost out of reach, a bunch of ‘outdoorsy’ decor, even the bed is made of faux raw-edged wood. There's a strange metal loop sticking out of the top of the door frame. Eventually I fall asleep again, either from the pain or the trauma. I dream about Lena and Steven's lifeless bodies.

Im woken to the door again, this time the sound of another man entering the house. In my haze of waking up again in this strange place I hear him talking to the other guy in the room next door. ‘Well Danny, i'll have a look for ya but at least you're making my job more interesting!’ A laugh is exchanged between the men before an older man with what looks like a medical bag comes in the room. ‘Hi there im Doctor Robbie, mind if I look at your injuries?’ Confused and incoherent, I try to shake my head yes. Without hesitation he is lifted up my shirt and starts feeling around my abdomen, I yelp in pain. He moved up to my chest and around my neck which is tender, he takes a close look at my face and pulls out the little tool with a light on the end. After a series of tests he says ‘from what I can see, you're just a little beat up but you'll be okay after some time and bed rest. I have some medication with me that will reduce the swelling’. He hands me a water bottle and two pills out of a container that he sets on the bedside table. ‘It was him.’ I finally manage to say, ‘he did this to me’ looking at the blond man who I now know as ‘Danny’ standing in the doorway. The doctor and Danny exchange a look that I can only describe as neutral or unsurprised. Danny even breaks into that evil smile he keeps doing. The doctor continued on as if I said nothing. ‘I need you to just get as much bed rest as possible and I'll be back to check on you in a week's time.’ He turns to Danny ‘call me if anything changes for the worse or you see bruising that isn’t currently there already.’ He gets up from my bed side and says ‘goodluck on your recovery and welcome to our town. You're very lucky to be here’ he emphasizes with a similar creepy smile before leaving swiftly, shaking Danny’s hand on the way out.

Danny walks over to the dresser and digs around until he's found what he's looking for, a rattling clinking noise comes from that side of the room, I can barely see something shiny out of the corner of my eyes. He comes back around to my side of the bed and sits on the edge of the bed again, with that horrible evil grin on his face. He pulls my wrists tightly toward him and I groan in pain. He takes off my wrist restraints and at first I am almost relieved. He fashions actual handcuffs on my wrists. ‘No… no!!!’ I start screaming and am swiftly slapped hard by the flat of his palm across my already mangled face. ‘No please no!’ I say softly, starting to cry for the first time. He attaches a long thick cord to them and ties it to the metal loop above the door frame. ‘No’ I keep repeating, pleading with him. ‘No!’ I scream again as I tug at this long cord hanging from above the door frame attached to my wrists bound together. ‘You have to let me go! Please!’ I beg again, and this time he grabs my face very rough, pinches my cheeks together as hard as he can, and says ‘you better shut the fuck up or else’ and the evil grin completely gone, his eyes as black and as dead as coal looking into mine. ‘Youre so lucky to be alive right now, now fucking act like it’

The medicine creeping into my bloodstream now making it impossible to keep my eyes open, he lets go of my face. Tears stream down my now throbbing cheeks. We sat in silence for a minute, I finally asked ‘where's Kelly? Did you kill her too?’. He rolls his eyes and stands up and right before shutting the door he says ‘she's fine Riley’ sending chills down my spine.

I fall asleep. I dream about home, and my parents, before the world changed. I dream about my cats playing, and wish I was back there instead of in this horrible world. I wake up, I give myself what seems like forever before getting the courage to hoist myself up. I take 2 more pills and drink the entire water bottle. Still thirsty. I sit up at the edge of the bed in horrible pain. Next to the pills the doctor left is a second bottle of painkillers I never saw him put down. It's the same brand of pain killers that were missing from the store before. I take 2 of those too. I need water. The house is silent, I pull the rope to see how much extra length I've got. Quite a bit actually. I pull it taut and use it to hoist myself to my feet. The pain is immense. I barely make it to the door before I collapse on the handle as a brace. I swing the door open. It's a small house, the living room is outside the bedroom door with the couch pulled into a bed, there's no one in the house. The kitchen is beyond the living room and the front door at the end of the kitchen. I look at the amount of rope piled on the floor and hobble my way to the fridge hoping there's enough, and there is- barely. I open it and tare open a water bottle, im almost halfway done in one sip before I realize that the water is cold and the fridge is cold. There’s electricity in the house. All the blinds are drawn, i try to hobble over to them but reaching out to grab the cord to open them hurts too much. I open the door next to the bedroom and its a bathroom, finally. It seems vaguely familiar but I'm not even sure how many days I've been here, with only over the counter pain meds I’ve managed to sleep. After relieving myself I finally get to look in the mirror. I look horrible, the worst I've ever looked. Considering how many times I feel like I hit him and how little I think he hit me, you’d think the fight was reversed. It's clear who the loser was. I felt around all the swollen parts of my face, my eye half closed and completely black and blue. My nose is slightly swollen, dried blood in the nostrils. I turn on the sink, shockingly clean looking water runs out. What is this place? How is everything working? Where am i? And then the secondary thoughts set in; where is Jeff, where is Kelly? Do they know Steven and Lena are dead? Are they dead? Did I dream that? Is Kelly dead? What can I do to escape and find Jeff? How the fuck does he know my name?

I make my way back to the bedroom afraid he’ll be back any second. The pain from standing that long has become unbearable. The meds are kicking in again, I fall asleep again. My last thought is how hungry I am. Damn, I should’ve checked for food.

I wake up to the door slamming, it's dark outside now. Im instantly struck with fear. I left the door open, and I guess the remainder of blood in the sink. Danny already standing in the doorway ‘I see you got up today, good girl’ he says in a sinister tone. ‘Kelly wants me to tell you she's doing good, I spoke with her today. Nice girl’. My eyes dart around the room looking for somewhere to escape but there isn't. He sets another water down next to me. Standing over me he says ‘two girls like you couldn't have been saved by that boy and dyke, you're better off here with us. It's safe here, you know that?’ I struggle to sit up and he tries to help me but I shove him off me. He laughs at me. Barely sitting up I say ‘We would be fine if you hadn't killed them, you monster’ His demeanor changes to offensive ‘Hey i didn't kill your friends, they chose that themselves Riley. Besides, I didn't pull any triggers.’ ‘Fuck you, let me go’ I say. His eyes dead and black again staring me down ‘No, when will you realize that we saved you, your both saved. You will have a better life here with us. With me.’ I snort angrily ‘I will fucking leave this place. I'm not staying here with you- with anyone.’ Back to that evil fucking grin like a light switch just went off, he just says ‘Fine ill show you then’ and walks over to the closet and starts digging through the hanging clothes, throws a womens jacket on the bed and some thick boots, goes to the dresser and pulls out socks and mittens. He walks around to my side of the bed and grabs my ankles and starts shoving the socks on, unties the rope from my wrists and then uncuffs my wrists. Holding the jacket in his other hand. With all the strength I have left I throw my knee as hard as I can into his crotch, I push him over with all my might and with my last bit of energy I hobble out the bedroom door trying to make it to the front door, without looking back I can hear him back up on his feet, a snarling laugh coming from his mouth, his arms around my waist, I flail around and try to peel his arms off me, he says something along the lines of ‘you're making this more fun for me and worse for you’ as I kick, punch and elbow to try to get away but i'm too weak. A sweep behind me knees knocks me down onto them. He puts me back in the cuffs and holds my hair in one hand and my arm in another. He takes down his pants and i start to scream and cry. His underwear are stained and worn from years of use. With his underwear still pulled up he smashed my face into his crotch. I can feel hes hard and i just start sobbing crying in disbelief and disgust. He shoves my face harder into his crotch and starts grinding on my face, i feel the underwear get wet. He leans down after and says ‘Good girl’ I want to throw up, I want to run but I can't, I want to take a shower and I want him to drop dead. But none of this happens. My face is stinging in pain again. He picks me up over his shoulder and flops me onto the bed. It hurts, everything hurts now. He locks the bedroom door from the outside. I lay awake for the rest of the night crying, in pain and wishing I was dead. I lay awake with hunger pains, I ration the water left on the bedside table and wonder if I'll die by internal bleeding and starvation. I wish for it. I close my eyes and hope for nothing more than it.

In the morning he opens the door, I lay awake still. He says ‘I'm going to put your jacket on, let's not repeat yesterday… unless you really want too’ I can hear the evil smile on his face but I don't look at him. I don't say anything. He uncuffs me and I grab the jacket from him and put it on myself. My adrenaline has fully kicked in. He puts the cuffs back on and grabs gloves to put on my hands and forces them on me. I just let it happen. He hold open pants for me to step into, and buttons them up for me like im a child getting ready to go skiing. He tries to help me put on the boots but I push him away. He hold me tightly by the handcuffs and leads me outside. Its way colder here than it was where we arrived at the other camp. The air is almost harder to breath. I look around to see a similar style camp to the one we had found, but this one is much bigger. This seems to be the living area part of camp, the cabins lined up in rows. Nothing but forrest and pine trees for as far as the eye can see outside of the camp ground. He leads me down a small hill where I can see more cabins with makeshift housing all around and a large mess hall as well as an outdoor concert area dressed with homemade crosses and different unrecognizable religious items. I never was religious so I couldn't tell you. In my head I scoff at the sight. The mess hall is busy and smells like breakfast. I haven't smelled that smell since the before times. Its buzzing with people who all greet Danny with kind hello’s, handshakes, or hugs. The men look right past me or pretend not to see me, the women all look at me with pity. No one seems concerned. He leads me to a table in the back of the hall and uncuffs one hand just to cuff it the bar under the table. There must be at least 500 people here. A women with straight light brown hair nearby stares at me for a long time but looks away whenever Danny looks around. He continues to be greeted by all different people. He gets up and makes himself a plate of food, only to stand and eat all of it a few feet from me. I look around to all these smiling happy faces. They seem to feel safe in this camp they've created. They all look relaxed and content despite me sitting here in handcuffs with a busted up face. This can't be real. This can't be happening. The woman a couple tables away is still studying me. I'm so hungry I can barely keep my head up, I wonder if this is more cruel unusual punishment. A man gets up near the front and everyone goes quiet. You could hear a pin drop suddenly. He says some words, something about god, it's hard to pay attention, and everyone breaks out into song. Mostly the women. After that Danny is up talking a couple tables down to some men, they look like the guys who killed my friends but i couldn't be sure. The woman who has been carefully watching me, shoots up out of her seat and slowly makes her way toward me, talking to people as she goes from table to table. She stops at the table next to me and puts her food behind her back and sets it down on the table. Waves her hand at me to hurry. A moment of confusion is quickly overtaken by my desperation to eat. I eat faster than I've ever eaten before. She turns around to me after her conversation, she grabs the now empty tray and hands me a cup of what tasted like a savory broth. I drink it down. She says in a low ominous voice ‘You need as much strength as you can get’ and walks away with her tray. In the crowd I see Kelly, smiling, talking to the person next to her. There's a man with his arm around her. It all feels surreal, she doesn't even look in my direction. Eventually everyone starts leaving, the mess hall becomes sparse. I wonder how long were going to be here. Eventually I look to see Danny pointing at me to a guy who makes his way toward me and slides into the seat across from me. ‘Well hello there little lady!’ He says pleasantly. I looked around confused, Danny’s back turned still talking to that same group of guys. ‘Hello?’ I say back nervously.

‘You're very lucky our dear Daniel found you and saved you from those no good raiders. Nasty fellers, cant get up here though I promise you're safe now’ confused I look down at my handcuffs wondering how that story matches up to why i'm handcuffed. But the guy continues ‘yep Daniel is one of our sweetest guys we got, we're lucky to have him and he's The Chairman's son! His daddy is real important around here which makes him real important to us. I'm sure he’ll help you with anything you need here, you know, once you’re completely settled in!’ He gestures toward my face. ‘Transition periods are always tough but I can already tell you'll be a great fit to the community’ he winks and finishes with ‘welp! Gotta go work, do my part around here! See you around, Riley’ the man slid out from the seat and left.

My stomach turned, and I jumped even more when I realized Danny was standing over me quietly listening to the conversation. He uncuffed me from the table and cuffed my wrists back together and yanked me up. ‘Time to go’ he offered, knowing I had no choice. There were people cleaning up and a couple stragglers left chatting at different tables but for the most part it was empty. While walking up the hill with him now just pushing me lightly from behind he said ‘next time you might get food if you behave’ I said nothing back. I scoured the grounds looking for Kelly but she was nowhere to be seen. From afar I could see that woman who gave me food watching me from another building's front steps. Her worried look stained my mind, breaking the full immersion of this place.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it. Let me know if something is there or if I hella wasted my time, and yours lol much love <3 I added some detail to fill it out (plus you know dreams dont tend to make sense in every aspect) i have some follow up ideas, i.e. the father son on the bench in the park, the dress, ect. But i wasnt looking to actually write a book here lmao it was already too long

#writers on tumblr #storytelling #post apocalyptic #tw sex abuse #dream scape #this wont be a regular thing on this blog #sorry its so long idk how that happened #my brain does fucked up shit while im asleep #heres some of it #i have a couple written down but this one got me #reader #just had to get this out of my brain #amateur writer #written by me posted 4/7/2023

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olivieraa · 2 years

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I’ll forever be in love with this series. A new abridged ep even came out a week ago for the first time in a year and a half, and that was enjoyable (Kaiba in a jet pack, Kaiba in a suit, I enjoy even when he’s an abridged goof)

But today feels so... fucked. I can’t explain. Almost as if time has stood still.

YGO is something I regularly talk about outside of this site. No joke. Just cause I’m never on here (this site gives me anxiety to the max) doesn’t mean YGO ever went away for me. Its one of the things that’s kinda remained... consistent in my life when everything else keeps changing.

YGO was the beginning OF my anime and tumblr journey. I got out of both (temporarily), but YGO stayed solid. Met and lost a few friends that I made through YGO (shit happens), mostly lost tbh, and I can’t explain how that feels exactly? It doesn’t sadden me. I was never... connected to tumblr and fandom like people on here were so I was kinda ostracised. My former friends moved on HEAVILY from the show and went into new fandoms but even through my liveblogging of various animes, YGO was still consistent, but people were moving away from it. And that’s what I realised a lot of my convos on here were. Fandom related. And once we weren’t in the same fandom, there was nothing to talk about. Cause nobody wanted to be personal. So things just... die out.

And it sucks but like I said, it didn’t sadden me. It kinda has an “i’m in limbo with this site, fandom, people on it” feel to it. Its always just... here.

But, I did plan to come back after finishing the manga but not asap. Not the exact next day.

I didn’t know if it’d even be this year... cause I don’t know what to do with this site. If I delete it, like... its gone for me. I’d never remake tumblr.

I’ve tried coming back on here several times and its just a different world that I don’t connect with. It would be like me going onto twitter. I made a twitter account 3 times, couldn’t get into it and deleted.

Except with tumblr I was on here for yeaaars. So it’d be weird to depart with it. It’s like, it was always just sitting here even when I left it for a while. It was there to come back to.

To come back to, hate, and then leave again lol

But the reason it feels weird to me is that most of my YGO related... anything came from tumblr. Fanfiction and that world took up about a year, maybe two. Youtube, about 6 months. Tumblr... many a year.

So I connect Tumblr and YGO, despite not being in the fandom and not having friends in it. So it’d be really hard for me to ever delete tumblr cause it’d kinda feel like a death to me. Dramatic I know, but, after Kazuki dying, its like... something that’d be even harder to do now.

Fml

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greengrayeyeswrites · 3 years

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shit-faced in love (chapter six)

Title: shit-faced in love

Pairing: Corpse Husband x OC (fem!youtuber!reader)

Word Count: 1,066

Warnings: Mental Health/Mental Illnesses are a big topic in this story. Mentions of depression, bpd and other mental illnesses. Angst, Fluff.

Note: This may be a Corpse x OC story but feel free to insert yourself into the main girls role. If Corpse ever announces that he doesn’t like fanfics about him, I’ll delete this.

Prologue — Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7

— — —

It took Imogen two days to reach Greenville, North Carolina. After multiple mental breakdowns while getting lost, she finally reached her destination; the driveway of a pretty normal looking house. Turning the engine off, she grabbed her phone and scrolled through her contacts.

Not even a second later, the young male stepped out of the door and toward the grass green Wrangler. Imogen jumped out of the drivers seat and practically flew into Karl’s arms.

Imogen and Karl got to know each other through Corpse, who invited both of them to a match of Among Us a few months prior and the two of them soon clicked.

Imogen was amazed by Karl’s positivity—something she didn’t really possessed. She liked how energetic Karl was and loved him in the MrBeast videos.

When they started to befriend each other, it took Karl a bit of time to get along with Imogen. He was a bit overwhelmed about how open she was with her mental health—especially her illness. But once the first awkwardness dissolved the two of them started to become inseparable.

Karl laughed into Imogen’s hair, while the older female hugged him. „God, I almost lost hope“, Imogen started. „I got lost at least three times!“ Imogen chuckled and slowly let go of Karl.

The younger male laughed and watched Imogen free Buddy from the car. The husky immediately went to Karl and started sniffing his legs. Karl bend down and held his hand towards the emotional support pet.

Buddy tilted his head before sniffing the boys hand. Sneezing once he bumped his head against Karl’s palm. Imogen chuckled. „That means he approves of you“, the 28-year-old explained, while taking out her baggage from the trunk.

Karl ruffled Buddy’s fur and went over to help Imogen. „I already cleaned the guest room for you. You can use the streaming equipment to your liking!“ He smiled and Imogen grinned.

Her heart felt safe being around Karl—even though she just met him in person. „Thanks for letting me crash over at your house“, she started and Karl laughed carrying one of Imogen’s suitcases into his house.

„You’re welcome!“, he quickly announced and Imogen bit her lip. „I could’ve rented an AirBnB“, she exclaimed but Karl shook his head. „You’re my friend so you get to stay in my house.“

Karl led Imogen up the stairs to the guest bedroom. Buddy followed the adults upstairs. „Especially since we’re starting to work together from tomorrow on“, Karl continued and Imogen nodded.

„What exactly are we doing for the video?“ Imogen asked, when Karl opened the door to the guest room and the YouTuber was presented with a clean and wide bedroom.

Next to the window was a huge streaming set up with a computer, two monitors, a microphone and a tripod for a camera. Next to the computer stood a Play Station 5 and opposite of the desk was a huge bed.

„I hope this is okay“, Karl said, when Imogen turned quiet. „This is more than enough, Karl. I really appreciate it!“ Imogen grinned at Karl and whistled for Buddy, who entered the room and started sniffing around until he laid down on a sunny spot in front of the window and closed his eyes.

„The drive drained him“, Imogen spoke and walked over to her dog, patting him. „Imma leave him here for a while.“ The older woman put her suitcases next to the bed and followed Karl out of the guest room.

Karl showed her around the house and introduced her to his roommates, where Imogen turned shy again. Karl chuckled at her behavior.

The two of them decided to cook together for dinner and Imogen told Karl everything about her best friend Baylee. „God, it was healing staying with her. But life has to go on, right?“, she asked while watching Karl checked the chicken in the oven.

„But you can always come back and visit her. You know that, Mo?“ - „I do… but god! I have to send her a selfie of us! She has a massive crush on you!“ Imogen laughed and went to get her phone.

„She has a crush on me?“, he asked, slightly blushing. Imogen chuckled. „Don’t act like your fans don’t crush on you. I mean look at you, Karl!“ Imogen pointed at Karl. „Baylee loves your style! Sometime she goes thrifting and finds things similar to your wardrobe!“

„Why send her a selfie when you can FaceTime her? I wanna see the girl that has a crush on me!“ Karl laughed and Imogen rolled her eyes. She quickly texted Baylee, asking if it’s okay to FaceTime her. Baylee send an ‚Okay‘ emoji and Imogen dialed her number.

Once the face of her best friend appeared on the screen, Imogen’s heart did a little spin. „Hey Bay!“, she greeted her friend, who immediately asked how the drive has been. „Man… sounds stressful. Especially the getting lost part!“ Baylee was rolling her eyes, when Karl appeared behind Imogen.

The face Baylee made, when she saw the streamer, was priceless. She froze and Imogen thought the connection broke when Baylee started stuttering.

„H-Hi Karl Jacobs“, she spoke and Imogen laughed. „Hi Imogen’s Best Friend“, Karl greeted Baylee who started having a full blown fangirl attack.

„You didn’t lie when you said she has a crush on me“, Karl laughed when they had dinner. Imogen chuckled. „I may be mentally ill but I don’t lie!“ She stuck out her tongue and looked at Karl. „Hey Karl… I have a question?“

Buddy was lying by Imogen’s feet, watching the two of them eating their chicken. „Would you like to help me shoot some TikTok’s?“ Karl immediately noticed Imogen’s sinister smile and coughed. „We’re not speaking of thirst traps, right?“ He asked and Imogen grinned wide.

„I mean I promised my viewers that I’ll go pole dancing when I reach 2 mil and when we’re already planning to hoe on a pole, why not make some thirst traps!“ Imogen’s cheeks were tomato red and Karl gulped.

„Are you sure?“ - „Yeah… I always wanted to do a few traps… show my fans I am more than just a depressed mentally ill chick.“

„You want to show them you’re a hot depressed girl?“ Karl asked and Imogen grinned. „Yes… that’s the plan. And you my pretty friend, have the honor to help me!“

to be continued…

Taglist: @wineandionysus @chanbaeol @rexit-mo

#corpse husband #corpse husband fandom #corpse fandom #corpse fanfiction #corpse husband imagine #corpse #fanfiction #imagine #corpse x reader #corpse x yn #corpse x you #corpse x oc #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband x you #corpse husband x yn #corpse husband x oc

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excelsi-or · 3 years

Text

your type (pt. 9)

Hello wonderful people!! I started a summer job and have been reading a SHIT ton, so I haven’t been writing as much. But I’m kinda back into this story again, and we’re about past halfway so I think we can get this done. :) I hope you’ve all been well~~

w.c. 3.1k (yeah, i’m not apologizing for length anymore. i hope you’re all cool with that lol)

pairing: jihoon x OC/reader

pt. 1; pt. 2; pt. 3; pt. 4; pt. 5; pt. 6; pt. 7; pt. 8

“You have a new boyfriend,” Jungkook says the next time they meet up for lunch in the fall semester.

She shrugs, studying her mug. “I guess so.”

He lifts an eyebrow. “You’re still apprehensive.”

“It’s only been 2 months.”

“That’s enough time to know, don’t you think?”

She shakes her head. “It really isn’t.”

Jungkook rests his chin in his palm. “I told you I loved you after two months.”

“We were young and naïve then.”

With a smirk, he doesn’t bother to point out that that first ‘I love you’ had been only three years ago. “Well, how does he feel?”

“Not sure.”

“Trust your instincts on this,” Jungkook encourages. “You have amazing intuition. You told me before I’d even fully moved in with Taehyung that I’d probably wind up dating him.”

“I said that because Taehyung is a good looking, intelligent man and anyone would date him if they were in his proximity long enough.”

Jungkook snorts. “I guess that’s a fair point. But come on. What’s your gut telling you?”

“My gut says that it’s confused,” she replies honestly. “I can’t gauge how honest he is with me.”

“You can’t compare him and Byunggu. No one knew that Byunggu was going to blindside you like that.”

She chuckles. “Do you know how much he’s come up in the last few months? I haven’t talked about him in forever, and all of a sudden, he’s just the topic of every conversation.”

“New boyfriend will do that. Especially after what happened last time.”

She runs a hand through her hair.

“As someone who has dated you, trust me when I say, you’re an all-in kind of lover.” He nudges her fingers with his. “So just go all in.”

“Go all in? And then?”

“Well, if you get hurt in the end, we’re here. You have people around you to hold you up and take care of you. But you can’t go into every relationship anticipating an end.”

She studies the chai in her mug, the way it ripples when she moves her hands even a little. “I guess you’re right.”

Jihoon (13:41)

Hey, lemme know when you’re done at lunch.

Got some stuff I want you to hear before we head home.

Jungkook nods his head towards the phone lighting up at her elbow. “Is that him?”

She nods.

“Are you going to reply?”

“He wants to know when I’m done with you so he can show me something he’s working on.” She fires off a quick text.

“Works in progress?”

“I guess they’ve been less and less finished, yeah.”

Jungkook hums. “If Yoongi hyung were here, he’d say that means Jihoon really likes you.”

She finds Jihoon in the studio an hour later. Bumzu, one of the TAs, had directed her to the studio when she’d appeared in the music building.

“You’re legendary,” Bumzu had said. “Anyone who’s had Jihoon’s attention this long is legendary.”

She’d had no response for that.

Gently, she touches Jihoon’s arm to make him aware of her presence. Jihoon looks up at her and slides his headphones off. Wordlessly, he passes them to her, and she takes a seat in the spare chair. With her feet up, and her knees hugged to her chest, she listens.

“Can you bring up the sound of the piano? The bass seems to be overpowering it.”

She does this for an hour, and he adjusts as they go along. By the end of it, Jihoon is thoroughly pleased with how the song’s turned out.

“I wish I was as useful for your chemistry research,” Jihoon chuckles. He takes the headphones and puts them on the desk. “You going home?”

“No, I actually have dinner plans.”

Jihoon tilts his head at that. “You do?”

“Correction, we have dinner plans.”

“We do?”

“Jihyo told me to tell you that we’re going for dinner with her and Seungcheol.”

Jihoon’s sweet questioning face quickly changes into something of disgust. “Ew. A double date?”

“I think Jihyo wants to tell me something.”

“And Cheol and I need to be there? Why?”

She shrugs. “I have no idea.” She kisses the top of his head as she stands. “But you need to be ready by 5:30, okay? So, no spending the night here.”

Jihoon hums his agreement. He catches her hand and tugs her back towards him. He pouts up at her until she concedes to a kiss, a bemused smile on her face.

As she closes the studio door behind her, she bumps into someone. Stumbling away from her is a girl she recognizes but can’t place.

The other woman recognizes her first. “You’re Wheein’s friend, aren’t you?”

It takes her a moment. “Byulyi?”

Byulyi smiles at her. Her eyes dart to the door she’d walked out of and the smile on her face falters. “How are you?”

“Good. Just heading home.”

“You taking a music class this semester?” Byulyi asks, her eyes flicking to the door again.

“Oh.” She gets the meaning and the looks. “No. Just visiting someone.”

“Lee Jihoon?”

She holds her breath for another story and Byulyi doesn’t fail her. They start to walk towards the exit.

“If you’re friends with Wheein, you must be a nice person.”

She questions the connection, but doesn’t press that point. “And?”

“So,” Byulyi smirks, “why are you hanging around Lee Jihoon? The man’s manipulative and a swindler. He’ll con you of the love you have to give and leave you heartbroken.”

They push out into the sunlight, enveloped by the dying heat of the day. “He knows the right words to say and he knows exactly when to say them to get to you.”

If she hasn’t learned that already, then she’s an idiot. With a deep breath, she thanks Byulyi for the anecdote and the information. Byulyi is on the list of women Jihoon’s dated. These women follow her around now; the stories are variations of each other.

And at this point, she really doesn’t know what to do with them.

“I heard another one.” She sets her backpack down at the end of the dining table.

Jihyo glances up from her evolution flashcards. “Who?”

“Moon Byulyi.”

It only takes Jihyo a second to place the name. “Wheein’s music friend?”

“Yeah.” She empties her backpack on the table and then takes her water bottle to the sink to refill it. “I don’t know what to make of it. Apparently other people know Jihoon and I are…” She struggles to find a word.

“Dating?” Jihyo chuckles.

“I haven’t told him that his exes keep telling all his secrets.”

“I promise you, the look on his face when he looks at you isn’t one of a man who’s in for the sex or even just for the chase. He’s in. For all of that and all of you. I promise you that.”

The boys are already sat at a table when the girls arrive. Seungcheol pulls Jihyo’s chair out, and Jihoon looks conflicted as to whether he should do the same. Smirking, she slips into the chair next to him. She doesn’t kiss his cheek like Jihyo. She grabs his hand under the table and gives it a squeeze.

“Have you looked at the menu?” she asks him.

Jihoon shakes his head. “Not yet.”

She studies him for a moment. “Do you trust me to order for you?”

At this offer, Jihoon tilts his head. “Go ahead.”

Conversation is light. They play rounds of cards while they wait for the food. When Jihoon wins the last round of Shit Head, Jihyo and Seungcheol roll their eyes.

“You guys can’t win every game.”

She laughs. “You guys just aren’t good at games of speed.”

“Or strategy,” Jihoon adds with a smile.

Seungcheol stacks the cards as the food arrives. She leans towards Jihoon as she names the various foods before him. He’s pleasantly surprised at the range. There are foods that he will definitely eat, and a few that are out of his comfort zone but aren’t off-putting.

“So, what do you have to tell us?” Jihoon asks once everyone’s tucked in.

With his head bowed towards his plate, practically shovelling food into his mouth, Seungcheol answers, “We’re dating.”

Jihyo hits his arm.

“What?” Seungcheol lifts his head slightly to look over at Jihyo. “Did you want to make it a big deal?” He straightens up and looks at the couple across him. “We have decided that we are only going to see each other. Be exclusive.”

It takes a lot of effort to keep from laughing. Jihyo hasn’t had any other man over in the last month and a half. This isn’t surprising. The formal announcement is.

“That’s great.” Jihoon’s focus also seems to be on the food as opposed to the actual conversation. She nudges him with her elbow and he puts his chopsticks down. He mimics Seungcheol’s formality. “Seriously. This is excellent news.”

With a good-natured roll of her eyes, Jihyo meets Jihoon’s gaze. “The way you’ve committed, Jihoon, it’s really made us reevaluate.”

Jihoon furrows his brow at Seungcheol, but his friend won’t look at him.

Later that night, back in the safety of their apartment, Jihoon demands, “What the hell did you tell Jihyo?”

Seungcheol raises his hands in defense. “She asked me last month what my take on your relationship was! I couldn’t just tell her you were in it for a bet! I actually like Jihyo. I wasn’t going to tell her that your relationship was a façade. The only reason she decided to even give me a chance is because you’d been given a chance.”

Jihoon’s gaze could level mountains. “You straight up lied to her.”

“It was that or tell her that we bet on your relationship. You don’t understand how protective they are of her.”

Jihoon shakes his head in frustration. “What?”

“Byunggu?”

“Holy shit. What’s wrong with him? Isn’t he an actor or something?” Jihoon is almost tired of hearing about this ex-boyfriend.

“They threatened to ruin his entire career by blasting it on social media how awful a person he is. The girls have receipts. Even if your girl’s deleted all the messages and rid him from her life, her friends are holding onto them.”

Well, at least Jihoon knows the other man’s definitely not castrated.

“So, yeah, I lied a little about how real your emotions are.”

“Jihyo’ll be furious when she finds out!”

“What else was I supposed to do, Jihoon?” Seungcheol watches Jihoon begin pacing. “I like this girl. Genuinely want to make this work. Even if I only get a few months with her, it’ll be worth it to me. And if I can show her that I genuinely want to be with her in the time before we’re revealed to be the biggest assholes of all time, then maybe I can keep my relationship.”

Jihoon shakes his head in disbelief. “You and Soonyoung put me up to this bet. I told you guys I wanted to back out months ago.”

Seungcheol remembers that day. He was so sure that he would never be one to settle. At least not for years to come. “You can still back out. We can just give up, tell the others that your game isn’t as good as we thought it was. And if we end the bet now while everyone can get away relatively scot free, maybe we should.”

Jihoon shrugs.

Seungcheol catches his friend’s eye. “And I’ve seen the look on your face, Lee Jihoon. You have real feelings you’re scared to admit to.”

He rolls his eyes. “Did it not occur to you that I have to pretend otherwise this won’t work?”

“Whether you’re pretending or not anymore, I don’t know. But what I feel for Jihyo is genuine.”

Hansol (14:21)

You still on campus?

Late lunch?

It’s October and the air is getting crisper. She steps out onto the green with a scarf wrapped around her neck. She finds Hansol at the campus coffee shop. There are two sandwiches on the table, one for each of them.

“Seungkwan?” She slides her bag onto the floor next to her.

“Yeah. It’s one of the reasons why I wanted to have lunch.” He grins up at her, all gums and bright eyes. “I can’t eat two sandwiches.”

“Why doesn’t it surprise me that Seungkwan gets upset when you don’t finish all your food?” She starts to eat and nods in his direction. “Was there something you wanted to talk about?”

“Hmm?” There’s a ball of food in his mouth and his questioning eyes make him look adorable.

Chuckling, she says, “Well, we’ve rarely eaten out without you asking me something.” She juts her chin in his direction. “What’s up?”

“I, uh…” His cheeks start to redden. “Have a question about a girl.”

Her brow furrows slightly. “That’s new. You’re usually pretty confident about that.” She chews a bit. “Shoot.”

“What made you decide Jihoon hyung was a good idea?”

She tilts her head.

“I have a reputation like hyung’s, but mine’s not real.” He studies the contents of the sandwich. “And I just… I don’t know how to convince her.”

“Ah.” After spending the last four months with the boys, she knows whose reputations are real and whose have been garnered by association. Hansol is the latter, not really dating all that much. The girls he pursues are particular, which must mean this girl he’s interested in is amazing.

“You could just tell her the truth.”

“Do you believe everything hyung says?”

She takes a bite, allowing herself some time to think through her answer. She decides that Hansol deserves her honesty. “Not at the beginning, no.” She lowers her sandwich and holds his gaze. “But a relationship doesn’t work unless you trust that the other person’s being honest. And it gets really tiring to second guess everything your partner’s saying.”

Hansol’s cheeks redden even more this time, the blush creeping up to his ears and down his neck.

“Have you lied to her already?”

Hansol’s eyes widen. His voice is tight, practically squeaking out, “What? No.”

She makes a face. “You’re blushing.”

“Oh.” Hansol’s brain scrambles. “I just… uh…” How does he avoid telling her that her relationship is a bet? “Talking about her makes me nervous.”

She lifts an eyebrow, impressed. It’s rare to see Hansol nervous or outside his comfort zone. “You must really like her.”

“Uhm… yes,” he fills his mouth with sandwich, “I do.”

“Then… just be honest. You’re not your reputation.”

Lettuce gets caught in his throat. “And she’ll just… buy that?” He coughs.

“If she’s smart? No. She won’t. But actions help. Prove to her you’re not your reputation. You’re a good guy, Hansol.”

Hansol stares at this woman who he has grown to like. Her company is great, she’s awesome at games, and her humour matches the group’s well. As conversation veers towards classes and research, Hansol can’t help but think about how the bet will end and how hurt she’s going to be. Four times over the next hour, his tongue almost slips. Almost letting out a secret that will definitely end her relationship. Not just with Jihoon but with every one of them.

She checks her watch. “I gotta get back to the lab. The NMR should be done now.” She slips out of her seat and pats his shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”

“Are you coming for dinner tonight?”

She bends down to pick up her backpack, slinging it back over her shoulder. “It’s at yours, isn’t it?”

Hansol nods.

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

As soon as Hansol walks into his apartment, he says to Seungkwan, “We need to call off the bet right now.��

Seungkwan has his pink apron on that the boys got him as a joke. “I’ve been saying that for about four months now.”

“Well, we really need to call it off.”

Seungkwan waves his spatula at Hansol, but his eyes fall to the iced Americano in his roommate’s hand and he calms down. “We both know that the guys aren’t just going to do that. Not when they know Jihoon’s this close to winning.”

“What?”

“Do you just ignore all of noona’s feelings? The look on her face when she looks at Jihoon hyung? She’s fallen for him already.” Seungkwan huffs and then takes a long sip from his drink. “It’s just a waiting game now.”

Hansol shakes his head as he heads to his room to drop off his things. “Tell everyone to come early. We need to talk about this bet right now.”

Hansol rarely asks for anything from the others, so when they receive his text, they’re there in thirty minutes.

“What’s wrong?” Jeonghan asks upon arrival. He slips out of his shoes, his eyes not leaving Hansol’s face. “Who’s dying?”

“We’re assholes and we need to call off the bet now.” Hansol grabs his hand to help him over the one step into the house. “If you guys want the money, I’ll give you the money. But I don’t want to see noona get hurt.”

Seungkwan counts heads. “Where’s Jihoon hyung?”

Joshua has his phone out. “He got stuck in the studio.”

Hansol immediately calls Jihoon. When Jihoon answers, he puts the phone on speaker and sets it in the middle of the small dining table.

“What’s going on, Hansol-ah?” They can hear a mouse clicking on the other end. “Dinner’s not for another hour. I can’t make it right now.”

“I want to talk about the bet and you need to be here.” Hansol leans closer to the phone. “Can we just call it off? Hyung, you already know that she likes you. And if she,” he glances at Seungkwan, “if she hasn’t fallen for you already, she’s falling now. So, can we just end this before anyone gets hurt?” Hansol tips his head both ways. “Or more hurt.”

“Yes!” Seungcheol pushes through to the front so Jihoon can definitely hear him. “Let’s call it off.”

The ripple of agreement through the group is comforting to Hansol, but everyone listens when Jihoon’s voice comes through again.

“You guys thought I was still faking it?” His voice is soft, vulnerable. He’s even stopped clicking around on the computer. “Guys, I,” he pauses, trying to bring himself to admit it, “I stopped faking months ago.”

Seungcheol slams his hands down on the table. “We got in a fight last month about this. What the hell are you saying?”

“You told Jihyo without consulting me first. I wasn’t going to tell you that you were right.”

Now, Jeonghan slams his hands onto the table. This second smack causes Jihoon to swear. “So, this is real? Lee Jihoon has a girlfriend?”

“Hanging up now.” They can hear the smile in his voice. “See you guys later.”

#woozi #woozi imagines #woozi scenarios #Seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #Svt #lee jihoon scenarios #Lee Jihoon

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abbydramarambles · 4 years

Text

The REAL Ending CLOY

This is my headcanon and you can’t tell me otherwise. The epilogue in Switzerland is set a few years after the events of that piano concert. They have already found a way to be together more permanently. To me the house doesn’t seem like a vacation house, it seems like a home home.

There is that photo of Se-ri on the bridge, not something one would frame for themselves. RJH definitely lives there. Check out the north Korean coffee kettle and other souvenirs as well. This is the sort of stuff one would have in their home.

The only thing holding RJH to North Korean is his parents, the fact that they could be killed if he were to defect. After they die, he has no reason to stay. We’ve already been shown that he is resourceful and would know exactly how to get out. Not to mention that everything in north Korean runs on money, if you have connections like Se-ri and RJH do....anything is possible. And to me these two people with all their power, well they would find a way.

Dan’s mother travels out of the country a lot as well for business. I think the 2 weeks is the longest trip Se-ri takes while RJH’s parents are alive. It’s not the only trip of the year. I doubt her employees would be saying “you’re going to Switzerland again??” if it was a once a year sort of deal they wouldn’t think she had a man. They even say “it’s lasting a while this time”. Come on who in the world would think it’s a relationship if their boss goes to switzerland for 2 weeks a year. It’s her favorite 2 weeks of the year because of it being uninterrupted time.

Well with her wealth and his determination, and connections via his family, I'm sure they'll find a way eventually, either it is his parents passing away (since it has been about 6 years between him going back to NK and the epilogue meetup), or him somehow getting a long term mentoring position at Switzerland. You’re telling me Dan’s mom a department store owner can swing to Europe anytime, and Se-ri who created a whole scholarship for her man can’t swing something in collaboration with Papa Ri?

I got the impression the student performing his song on stage was a full-time student in Switzerland. RJH is not studying abroad but is teaching NK scholarship winners. Seri has been traveling back and forth a lot but these two weeks are the longest continual time they have together.

When Seri first sees him in Switzerland she asks how dangerous his journey was, and he didn’t answer, just said he got on the wrong train but reached his destination. “Destination” implies a final location to me, not just a two-week stay. For two people who find it torturous to be apart for even a moment, destination would not have been thrown around like that. It could’ve taken his Dad some time to manage the politics to make a permanent teaching position with the National Symphony. He did see his son cry in the car after leaving her. That man is powerful, the 3rd most powerful man in North Korean. A political manipulation genius, a man always one step ahead of the others. He got his son and 5 people in and out of South Korea. You best believe he can make it happen. He’s not going to sit back and leave his only son living without his only dream. Plus RJH was never a flag waving patriotic North Korean anyway. He already expressed that he wanted to stay with SeRi in South Korea, have a child that looks just like her. It’s kdrama script writing 101 to not have your lead character mention a deep desire such as this one unless its foreshadowing or serves a larger purpose. And Park Ji Eun is no noob writer.

Let’s look at the way the show itself references fate and destiny. Regardless of how impossible it may seem, these two always managed to find each other again. Fate is pushing them together and is on their side. I don’t think fate wants them to meet 2 weeks a year. Fate didn’t make them meet in Switzerland, in North Korea, in South Korea, and in Switzerland again for 2 weeks a year for the rest of their lives. I can’t entertain that. A lot of people think that the epilogue on the hill and when she meets him for the first time again in Switzerland with the parachute are the same time frame. I don’t think so. I really do think the piano concert is the ending and the picnic is the epilogue. It’s years from then, when everything has been sorted about how to be together permanently and it’s a window in to happy every after. Just look at their body language and expressions in the last scene, they are totally at peace and seem to have gotten everything they wanted. Even the music radiates peace. Listen to the lyrics of Sigriswil that play as the camera pans out “wandering this strange night, won’t you be here by me? now I hold your hands, with you I’ll be alright...how does it feel, my friend? It’s been a long day and night” THEY ARE NO LONGER WANDERING ALONE THAT IS THE POINT. period. It was a “long day and night, but now I hold your hand” ... how does it finally feel to have your happy ever after....my friend. IT REEKS OF OPTIMISM and closure. In film making the atmosphere says everything about what is unsaid in the script.

You best believe he won’t leave a stone unturned to be with her, see her grow old and live in the house of dreams with their twins. Just the fact that he vocalized this thought in the show leads me to believe that it did indeed happen.

Believe in what the show is telling us to believe. What it’s showing us, not telling us even. That love will always find a way.

Cloy’s ending also reminds me of very heavily of (spoiler) that of “my love from the stars”. It was written by Park Ji-eun, the same writer as CLOY. So yes they are forced to be apart in that show too, but he finds his way back and each time they meet its for longer and longer and its implied that one day it will be forever. If an alien could find a wormhole to make it back to his love interest, north korea isn’t looking too bad. Same thing with her other star crossed lovers show “legend of the blue sea”. The mermaid finds him again against all odds and they live happily ever (plus a baby). Hey I’m just saying that the precedent has been set on how this seperation works through our writers own works. Having seen all of Park Ji Eun I know exactly how she structures her endings. It’s almost always the same. The mermaid made it back, the alien made it back...north korea is where we draw the line? They’re only apart for awhile till they figure it out, and they work hard to do so.

Whatever this image is from TVN left it unaired. They shot something they had to pull back. My crack theory brain says she looks a bit pregnant. Actually, that ain’t even a crack theory, I stand behind it. Son yejin is so slim, and judging by the material of the dress it just wouldn’t fall like that unless they were trying to make her look pregnant. Like LISTEN, just LISTEN to me. They put in the effort to get the actors in these outfits we have never seen before, they even gave seri flowers...whY?? There are no other purely promo shots that didn’t have footage attached. The only ones I can think of are the ones they took in front of a greenscreen for the photoframes inside their house. THIS WAS A REAL SCENE THAT WAS DELETED. South Korean dramas pre-film certain scenes (like the swiss ones) and live film the others to make slight changes to the storyline based on audience reaction. During airing there was quite a lot of political backlash a la north korea.

There are some stills TVN released that weren’t screencaps. But ALL of them were in outfits relating to scenes we have seen, such as this one. It just would make no sense for them to go out of there way to get this image on the jam packed expensive swiss schedule and not just do greenscreen in korea like they did for all the other promo material UNLESS it was a real scene.

So you want more evidence for plot points that indicated the original, unaired, together forever in Switzerland ending?

Let’s look at some details, at one point in Episode 14 when Jeong Hyeok's father is meeting with the bad guy Senior Colonel who tries to use photos of Jeong Hyeok in Korea as a bargaining chip, he says "You should retire quietly. Using your health as an excuse won't raise any suspicions." now whilst this may be a casual reference to him being old and that health issues are plausible, it's also possible Jeong Hyeok's father has had some long term illness they've not mentioned which would add to why it wouldn't raise suspicions.

The main reason I thought of this is it would sort of line up with some other details, in the finale when they're deciding whether to send them back or not, at the NIS briefing they mention how the North has requested keeping it quiet and confidential, they mention "They want the confidentiality term to be five years. They're being sensitive about it because one of them is a high-ranking officers son". Then if we fast forward toward the end when Se-ri is receiving the timed messages, a year passes after her birthday message from Jeong Hyeok, after that scene we see Jeong Hyeok having his farewell meal with the townspeople and preparing to leave after being accepted as a pianist for the National Symphony Orchestra, presumably around the same time as Se-ris birthday given that scene was right before. Se-ri then comes up with her Switzerland Music academy idea probably a few weeks or month or so after she read RJH's text about meeting and then it tells as it's one year later, Se-ri waits but doesn't meet him and returns home, her mum says "It breaks my heart to see you return in disappointment every time" which if that's a correct translation it means it's been more than once by this point. Add up this entire timeline....guess what it comes out to. FIVE YEARS. That’s how long it takes them to sort out a permanent solution for their problem.

When he chooses to defect it will be much easier for him considering he’s making trips to Switzerland already. All he would have to do is walk into a South Korean embassy in Zurich. They have an open door policy for North Koreans, he doesn’t even need to cross the DMZ again.

You want even MORE proof? Okay my friend, I’ll bite. Why are there photos of a couple with children?? Honestly come on I really don’t have to say more.

They had to leave the ending open. Due to the political situation, they couldn’t exactly show RJH, a North Korean, defecting. Pretty sure our buddy Kim Jong-un would not be chill with that. However ridiculous it is, the show had multiple attacks on it while it was running by political parties saying it violated the “national security act”.

The ending was clearly cleverly re-edited to be less explicit so the viewer can read between the lines but the show-runners can protect themselves from lawsuits and public sentiment regarding a sort of maybe illegal situation. If you believe they met for two weeks a year for the rest of their lives, you don’t know RiRi Ri-eally well ;)

#crash landing on you #cloy #yoon se ri #ri jung hyeok #ri jeong hyeok #hyun bin #son ye jin #kdrama #binjin #dooly #riri couple

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shinhatigf · 3 years

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a little bit insane ahsoka and luke au

the lovely @picazos-angsty-typist inspired me to just post my au ideas as opposed to giving them away, and this one is my absolute favorite! it's an au in which 19 year old ahsoka finds the time travel crystal from the lego star wars christmas special and is transported onto tatooine right before a new hope. then she gets to go along through the original trilogy and be best friends with luke! (this is honestly just an extremely convoluted way to get my favorite characters to be best friends. this au is for me <3.) extremely long elaborations and plot stuff in bullet points under the cut:

okay so 19 year old ahsoka! it would be about 2 years post order 66 and about 6-8 months since the ending of the ahsoka novel, so she's traveling the world and doing fulcrum things, attempting to build a rebellion with bail organa. this, naturally, means she needs to hide from the empire.

because it needs to be life day for the crystal to work, that's the day this all starts (in ahsoka's original timeline). ahsoka finds out randomly that it's life day, and has a moment remembering the day before order 66, before the empire.

she gets into a skirmish with the empire close by kordoku, the planet with the time travel stone on it. she feels a pull from the force, like there's a safe haven on the planet below, so she lands and immediately knows why: she's in front of a jedi temple. she knows she'll be safe inside from the empire. she walks in, and seals the temple with the force

she picks up the weird rock thing in the middle of the room, as it's singing to her through the force. the second she touches it, a wormhole opens up, and she's dropped directly in the middle of a tatooinian sandstorm.

we the audience know that she's time traveled, but ahsoka has no clue. and as I'm assuming she doesn't have much experience wandering ancient abandoned jedi temples (in her time, very recently, they'd been populated and upkept), she wouldn't suspect she was hallucinating. she assumed the rock somehow teleported her, but the sand and the wind of the sandstorm make it impossible for her to find the rock. where before it had been singing to her through the force, she couldn't feel anything now.

she has no choice but to try and find shelter from the storm and wait it out. she finds a sort of cave, a small hideout, so she sets up her small camp. having nothing else to do, she opens herself up to the force to meditate, hoping to locate the rock and find more information about her new situation. however, she instead discovers something she wasn't expecting: the faint and utterly familiar force prescence of one obi-wan kenobi

it feels damaged and weak, almost as if he'd cut himself off from the force somewhat, but there was no denying that it was obi-wan. ahsoka thanked the force for sending her to the rock, as she assumes it had just sent her to obi-wan and nothing else.

during this force meditation, she also discovers the planet that she's on is tatooine. this heavily reminds her of anakin, hearing echoes of their conversation as they crossed the desert from what seems like a million years ago.

once the storm settles, she makes her way through the tatooinian desert, and just as the suns are coming up and she knows she would need to find shelter, she happens upon the Lars farm.

she meets Owen and Beru Lars and their nephew, Luke. they are kind and good people, and do not hesitate to offer ahsoka a place to stay + some food and water. ahsoka rests up somewhat, but insists on helping them in return.

this part I haven't quite nailed out yet. tatooine side quest featuring ahsoka and luke doing whatever one does on a moisture farm. I assume ahsoka would offer technological help as she's a good mechanic (perks of master skywalker) so maybe they're going around and fixing vaporators?

that day and into the night, she and luke really hit it off. she learns more about tatooine and more about how they've been affect by the war. however from the way luke talks about it, the empire has been around as long as he can remember. this strikes ahsoka as extremely odd, and wonders what else is going on, but fixing things doesn't leave much room for another galaxy warping revelation, so she doesn't dwell on it immediately.

she and luke discuss kind of everything. they become buddies bc that's important to me. the next day, she tells them she's looking for obi-wan kenobi. "do you know someone named obi-wan kenobi?" luke does his little "do you think she means old ben kenobi?" number which is fun n nostalgic hehe.

owen seems to freeze. he hasn't heard that name in quite some time, and it doesn't exactly conjure pleasant memories. he reluctantly agrees to let luke point her in the right direction, and she buys a speeder from them (they try to give it to her but she insists on paying. ahsoka ftw)

ahsoka manages to avoid the tuskens on her way into the jundland wastes and runs into.... this really old dude. this is when she really has to confront the time travel of it all. she and obi-wan have a Talk. there's still a little bad blood between them considering obi-wan was on the council that condemned her without remorse or apology, but they're both so relieved to see the other alive.

ahsoka learns that it's been 19 years since order 66, since the empire took over. she remembers the day it happened, what only feels like 2 years ago to her.

she mentions that luke helped her find him, and obi-wan freezes. this obviously gets noticed by ahsoka, and obi-wan drops the real bomb on her: luke is anakin and padmé's son. obi-wan tells her that anakin died in order 66 and padmé died with the rebellion, that he's here both to hide out and to protect luke. she remarks in her head that the whole chosen one thing is ridiculous, that pinning the entire galaxy's hopes on a nineteen year old kid that up until now obi-wan has refused to even CONSIDER training (skywalker trauma lolz) but she can sense the strong emotions from him, that he wouldn't have it in him to stand up to the empire alone, so she drops it.

as to how padmé died: i hate the way that she dies in the prequels so I am deleting it. this is my canon. she actually survives and stays with the rebellion for a good 3-5 years before she's killed in a rebel vs. empire conflict. ahsoka is especially devastated to learn about her death from obi-wan (who bail organa risked communication with to tell him, as he was also close with padmé).

she and obi-wan spar, both to get Ahsoka's mind off of the everything about this situation and because it's been so long since either of them have been around another jedi. it's cathartic for both of them. (ahsoka beats obi-wan easily btw haha)

obi-wan offers to officially knight her as a jedi knight, as that was what the council had intended after the whole fiasco and he says "you're just as experienced and powerful as I was when I was knighted." but ahsoka declines. she isn't ready to be considered a jedi yet, and may never be.

this is when a new hope really starts. obi-wan and ahsoka find luke unconscious in the jundland wastes, and that sequence goes pretty much the same. r2 is beeping and trilling like crazy because ahsoka!!!!!! that's one of his best friends!!!!!!! luke is like "you know this droid?" and ahsoka freezes, because how exactly does she explain to the nice dude she met yesterday that actually she's from 17 years in the past and was very close with both of his parents, who both were extremely close to r2?

she does in fact explain all of that to him when they get to obi-wan's house. she has no idea how she got here or why, but she did know anakin skywalker and padmé amidala naberrie, and tells him as much as she remembers about them. luke misses both of his parents like an ache in his chest, wishing more than anything he could have known them.

obi-wan offers his own perspective on it, and tells how anakin died (which ahsoka is just as eager to know). obi-wan, on the spot, says that another jedi fell to the dark side and joined sidious, and that anakin died defending the temple. (he obviously couldn't say that vader was his pupil, because ahsoka would see through that immediately.)

luke asks why he couldn't have lived with his mother in the rebellion, but obi-wan says that she wanted him to be safe from the galactic conflict and stay with anakin's family. (which is partially true, but the whole sith-sensing-the-overly-powerful-skywalkers was a big factor as well.) obi-wan says he's truly sorry that luke never got to know her.

after learning about the message r2 brought, ahsoka knows she has to get to the rebellion however possible and rejoin the fight. obi-wan agrees, and gives his little elevator pitch to luke about becoming a jedi and joining the rebellion. when obi-wan gives luke the lightsaber, a million memories with anakin flash through ahsoka's head. luke still comes to same conclusion at the end of that conversation: he's willing to guide them out of tatooine, but he can't join the galactic conflict, at least not now.

however, as they're leaving, they find the destroyed jawa crawler. luke, as before, realizes it means the stormtroopers found his family. ahsoka knows that only despair waits there for him, and urges him not to go, but when he doesn't back down hops in the speeder with him (for protection and emotional support).

luke gets to have more emotions about the fact that the empire killed his /entire family./ ahsoka doesn't try and use it to convince him to go, only offers to help him bury them. she openly uses the force to move things around and make things easier, while luke is still in shock, almost numb. they're buried next to shmi and cliegg.

luke is ANGRY at the empire. he is PISSED. he decides to go with them to fight not because he longs for adventure, but because he wants to hit the empire where it hurts. ahsoka can recognize that isn't the thought process of a jedi, but she feels the exact same way after learning about anakin and padmé.

now it's mos eisley time. i feel like han would definitely like/admire ahsoka at first, but ahsoka would not like him. she finds him deplorable and a little annoying, and joins in on the whole bagging on the falcon jokes. this leads to han getting his feelings hurt and he's like fine :( we are not friends then >:(.

the interesting thing is that chewie and ahsoka actually know each other! they were both kidnapped by bossk and hunted for sport in that one clone wars arc, so they're both like "oh hey person who was there for one of the most terrifying and traumatic times in my life! what's up!" they become fast friends yet again, and chewie is like "wow you did not age at all. are you sure you're not a wookiee?"

on the millennium falcon, she and obi-wan get started on luke's training. he asks her about his parents constantly (what they were like, what they did, where they came from, etc). she also talks about what the jedi were like (providing a less rose-colored-glasses perspective, but still with a lot of positives).

she feel the same pain obi-wan does right before they get to alderaan, and can feel bail and breha organa in particular (having known them fairly well after the ahsoka novel).

they get pulled into the death star's tractor beam. ahsoka can feel the cold and horrible presence of vader, a sick dread building in her the closer they get to it. they go to hide under the floorboards of the falcon. han knows how the empire operates better than anyone, which ahsoka is shocked to learn is much different than the Republic or the empire she remembers. (i imagine she lived in a more transitional period, so while the empire was terrible during her time, they were only getting started.)

she tries to go with obi-wan to shut off the power beam, but obi-wan still does his "I must go alone" little number. sensing the end of something, but not what it is, she hugs him goodbye. he's still obi-wan and she missed him dreadfully. he tells her to protect luke.

she along with luke refuses to indulge han's obi-wan slander, and when han says "great at getting us into trouble!" she says "you should have met anakin."

then it's princess rescue time as it should be. that goes exactly the same except ahsoka is much better at defending them from the stormtroopers lol. leia still does the blasting and "somebody has to save our skins!" line because I love that

ahsoka can tell immediately that leia is padmé's daughter. she had probably heard of leia, being in the rebellion for about six months before time traveling, but now having met her it's completely obvious. she doesn't vocalize this immediately though, planning to discuss it with obi-wan.

yes I'm keeping the garbage monster scene because I think it's funny :)

ahsoka goes with han and chewie after the stormtroopers while luke and leia head for the ship. also ahsoka + han banter because I think it's funny

she can see obi-wan and vader's fight (which I'm hoping will be a lot more like their fight in rots. a new hope is incredible but the lightsaber fights got way better as time went on. their final fight deserves to be epic). she tries to run and help obi-wan but luke pulls her back. "he can handle it," he says. "we need you to help us get to the falcon."

however when obi-wan is killed, both of them are distraught. his voice appears in ahsoka's head, telling her not to face vader yet, telling her to run. chewie literally has to hold her back and carry her to the ship.

they blast their way out of the death star, none of them having the time to dwell on what just happened.

ahsoka and luke are both numb. luke lost 3 parental figures in one day, and obi-wan's death after going through order 66 just brings it allll up again. leia is also hanging out in the numb dead parents circle, because her entire planet got blown up today and obi-wan's death just feels like another nail in the coffin. all three of them can sort of feel each other's emotions, and unconsciously they're comforting each other with the force. it's a healing moment for all three of them

han is kind of awkwardly standing in the background. "there wasn't anything any of you could have done," he says, in a rare show of emotion. (i like han wanting to help them despite his i-don't-care-about-anything facade.)

this doesn't stop him from saying he's only in it for the money later though. leia gets to blow up at him about it same as in the movie because she deserves it methinks.

they make it to the rebellion, and a few of the people who've been in it from the beginning recognize her (mon mothma maybe?). I also like the idea of ahsoka being something of rebellion legend, having been one of the last jedi who presumably died fighting the empire for the rebellion.

also general hera syndulla gets to be there bc i love her. she is the one who shows the plans to the pilots and explains the plan. she also references the rogue one crew because i love them also.

ahsoka in an x-wing with the red team attempting to blow up the death star. when vader makes an appearance, she can sense him in the starfighter nearby them, the same cold and evil presence. she personally goes to fight vader and defends the rest of the team from him, somehow falling into a perfect rhythm and anticipating every move. she doesn't kill him obviously, but she gets close. the things that happen stay the same: they sustain heavy casualties, she survives the battle, han comes back to save the day, luke is the one who blows up the death star.

luke, han, chewie, and ahsoka get medals in the end, because each of them were instrumental in the blowing up of the death star (and a lot more pilots survive thanks to Ahsoka's defense). there are references to the phineas and ferb star wars special because I want it.

there's a bit after the official end of a new hope in which she's talking to Luke like "I can't stay. this isn't my timeline. I have to go back. and if I can go back, maybe I can try and save the jedi. maybe I can fix things." however luke changes her mind. "maybe you're in this timeline for a reason. maybe NOW is when you can change things. I would've died without you in the battle of yavin. plus, how am I supposed to become a jedi without you?" luke + leia + han + chewie + r2 + 3po all convince her to stay. they are all very attached to ahsoka at this point, and ahsoka realizes she doesn't really want to leave them either.

also. because the battle is over and they all have a moment to breathe, she tells leia that she's positive she's padmé and anakin's daughter too, not just because of the physical resemblence but also her force sensitivity. there's no doubt about it.

ahsoka agrees to train both of them in what she knows, though she warns that she wasn't a master or even a knight.

it ends with the whole crew hanging out on the falcon (han, leia, luke, chewie, r2, c-3po, and ahsoka)

those are my bullet points for the episode IV section of this! if people want to see where this goes in the rest of the trilogy let me know I have so many notes about this au

also tagging: @togrutanduin @padme--amygdala @bisexualobiwanrights @grimthejedisith @senator-nahberries you get to watch me lose my mind in real time <3

#word count: 3.0k #and this is only the first installment if I ever write this it's going to be so long #the original trilogy #ahsoka tano #luke skywalker #it's loving ahsoka hours #luke is my favorite himbo #my writing #? never used that tag before maybe I should?#ryn dot fic #ryn dot text

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crystaljins · 4 years

Text

River lead me home | 01

Characters: Seokjin x Reader

Word count: 9.2k

Synopsis: Ever since coming to the human realm when you were child, nothing seems to fit, and this was just supposed to be a simple roadtrip to help you find yourself.

Is that too much to ask for?

Spin-off to A long journey home

Rating: Teens

Notes: You guys are gonna laugh... I tried to upload this yesterday but it screwed up and only the title got posted! Naturally I deleted the post and didn’t get a chance to fix everything up, but it’s finally here! My monster of a fic !!!! Updates will be weekly. Honestly this fic took a lot to write, and it’s been 8 whole months of working on it!!! So I hope you guys enjoy it T.T If not I won’t be made though LOL (edit: @blue1928 forgot to tag u soz)

p.s. I AM working on the HP prompts I’m just really busy this next couple of weeks LOL

Masterlist

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 FINAL

You’ve never really been particularly fearful of getting in trouble with your mother. She has always been a sweet and timid lady, the kind who would let her daughter get away with murder. And you are an adult, even if you don’t act like it, and so it’s not like your mother can do anything other than express her disappointment with your actions.

Kim Seokjin, on the other hand, can have you quaking in your shoes with just a look. He was your nextdoor neighbour growing up, even before you all fled your home realm. He has since moved out of his parents’ home into his own apartment to pursue his dream as a doctor (and to take home as many lady friends as he likes without his parents’ knowledge), but he is still very much a stern presence in your life, even as one of your closest friends. He likely feels responsible for you, since though the two of you were young when you were driven into the human world, he is three years older. He did once refer to you as something like an untrained puppy, which you guess is very reflective of how he views you. The result of such feelings of responsibility is him trying his best to fulfill all the duties of being your legal guardian despite having no obligation to do so. The effect is him being terrifyingly stern with you, despite him being a calm, good-humoured guy with everyone else he meets.

Which is why, when you wake up in a hospital bed with your leg wrapped in a cast, you know that today is the day Kim Seokjin kills you. If the job interview that you completely messed up isn’t enough motive for him to seek you out, then the fact that you tried to stop a purse snatcher and ended up breaking your leg in the ensuing scuffle after said thief’s motorcycle fell on you most certainly is.

In your defence, it wasn’t like you could just leave them be! Yes, you had not been back to your home realm once in the thirteen years since you and every other guardian were driven out, but at your core, you like to think you are still a Guardian. And so, as is custom, you cannot turn down a plea for help. And the young woman screaming in distress as a man on a motorcycle drove past and snatched her purse straight off her shoulder had certainly sounded like a plea for help! Really, Jin should be impressed, because the ensuing chase was something straight out of a movie, what with you in hot pursuit on your own bike (the one both your mother and Jin do not know you own). And you totally would have gotten the purse back if it wasn’t for the slight motorcycle crash. You’re not exactly sure what you hit since the events are a little blurry, but whatever it was, it ended up knocking you out and breaking your leg.

A slight commotion breaks out at the entrance to the room and by the way onlookers swoon, you know that your time on earth is up. For the only person that can stir such a reaction upon entering a room is Kim Seokjin himself. Guardians naturally fit most of the qualifiers of what humans consider attractive, but even by Guardian standards, Jin is ridiculously handsome. Even though you find him boring and the biggest nag to walk the planet, not even you are immune to his disarming good looks. You could probably sense his aura blindfolded and your eyes are always drawn to him in a crowd and so you easily pinpoint him amongst the crowd of onlookers before he spots you. Today is his day off and so he does not wear his usual doctor’s gown. Instead a well fitted button up shirt and trousers highlights the broadness of his shoulders and the elegance of his figure as he strolls through the room as if he owns it. You recognise the style- that particular combination of button up and trousers are his date clothes. Your heart plummets when you recognise the outfit. Jin will be extra irritated about having to check on you in the hospital on his day off. Why did the paramedics have to take you here of all places? You’ve really signed your life away this time.

He pauses to smile at a nurse who passes by and she is immediately dazzled. Though he is no doubt furious with you, and is frequently irritated by your shenanigans, to the rest of the world he is charming and funny and good-tempered. You watch the exchange with curiosity- the nurse laughs at something Jin says and there’s a faint flush to her cheeks. You will probably never have such an exchange with Jin- even if he relaxed enough to make a joke in your presence, it would probably be at your expense. Jin’s taste in women is very obvious- he likes women that match him in beauty, ones that are fantastic at making you feel like a potato in comparison despite your guardian heritage, however unintentionally. Something in you twinges at the thought- you wouldn’t mind having a normal relationship with Jin. One where he smiles at you and makes jokes and actually enjoys your presence. But he’ll probably never view you like that- he’s made it very clear throughout your friendship what you are to him.

The nurse points in your direction and takes Jin’s distraction as an opportunity to trail her gaze appreciatively over his figure, settling on his profile. She must be new to the hospital if this is the first time that she is experiencing what Jin’s coworkers at the hospital describe as the “Jin effect”. Any humans (and most guardians for that matter) who meet him instantly succumb to his charisma and absurdly handsome face and find themselves desperately in love. This nurse is no exception and you decide to utilise the momentary distraction she has provided Jin when she attempts to get his number by attempting to slide off your bed and scurry away.

A tug at the back of your collar has you stiffening. If this were a movie, there would be an uneasy swell of high-tension violin as you turn your head to find Jin has grabbed the back of your shirt to stop your slow escape. He must have utilised a spot of enhanced guardian speed to be able to cross the room so quickly. The violins in your head begin to screech in terror. Jin merely smiles and it is eerily charming. His cheeks puff out and his lips curl in a way that would dazzle the average onlooker but you see the lethal intent in his eyes. You barely manage to hold back a fearful shudder.

“Nurse Jo!” He calls, and his tone is playful and sweet which contrasts directly with the venom in his dark pupils. In their depths you can foresee your death. “It seems one of our patients is trying to escape.” His tone darkens and drops on the last word and you flinch, preparing for the end.

Only it never comes, and you find Jin hoisting you up by the back of your shirt and with the help of security rushing forward they wrangle you back into bed. They do well- the average human doesn’t stand much chance against the superior strength of a guardian, and you are currently fighting for your life. But with Jin in the mix, they have you strapped to your bed in no time, forced to listen to whatever longwinded and painful lecture Jin has prepared for you

He stands at your bedside, arms folded across his chest. You mentally write your will in your mind- Taehyung can have your Nintendo switch and his girlfriend can go through your clothes and take any that she likes. Your mother gets anything worth more than $20 in your bedroom (though she might be searching for a while to find such an item, if it even exists) and Seokjin can get custody of your evil cat. Maybe it’ll scratch his stupidly handsome face up and you can get revenge from beyond the grave.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Jin asks, and his voice is surprisingly calm. You look away, scratching at where the cast on your leg rubs at the skin of your shin. It’s stupid to wear the cast since with your enhanced healing abilities the break will be better by tomorrow, but the doctors of this world do not know that.

You are not fooled by the almost friendly, interested tone to his voice- there is anger bubbling behind the mask of polite curiosity. Likely he is holding back to full force of his fury because this is his workplace.

“Well, I’d like to preface by saying I had no choice. Was I supposed to just let the robber go?” You say. You were attempting to placate him before elaborating on the full story, but it appears to have the opposite effect. Jin’s eyes bulge out of his head and his face goes that interesting shade of red that only appears when he’s very, very angry.

“Robber? You took on a robber?” He says slowly, and you can tell it takes a few moments for the words to process. But gradually, the veins in his neck bulge and his eyes gradually widen and you wince as Jin erupts into what you like to call his “jants- Jin Rants.”. “Ya! Are you crazy? What were you thinking? What if you had been killed? I would have had to tell Auntie and then I would have had to organise your funeral because she would be inconsolable! If I even survived my parents trying to kill me for letting you die at the hands of a ROBBER of all people!” The impressive thing about a jant is the speed at which it is spat out. You are sure that professional rappers have nothing on the way Jin can spill out verses in a rage. He shoves a hand through his hair in distress and the ensuing messy look it generates is unfairly attractive- you think you see a middle-aged woman swoon in the hospital bed across from yours. Or faint. It’s hard to tell in a hospital. He continues screeching. “And then they’d PROBABLY make me MOVE BACK HOME as PUNISHMENT and there goes my social life! You could have ruined MY WHOLE LIFE, (Y/N)! What is wrong with you? Why do you always go making trouble like this?” It is those words, out of his whole rant, oddly enough, that causes you to stiffen. The implication that all you do is cause trouble. Which in a way you suppose you do. You cause your mother unnecessary worry- Jin is constantly sacrificing things to take care of you. Even your friends are constantly having to shout you meals due to your perpetual state of unemployment.

“I... couldn’t just leave it- they needed help, Jin.” You admit softly. Jin somehow hears your quiet admission over his furious jant and falls silent. He stares at you in confusion for a long moment, like he was expecting more of a fight, or some sort of annoying comeback. But the confusion is enough to subside his rage. The jant is over, with minimal damage. He drags over a chair and slumps by your bedside, once more running a hand through his hair.

“You’re so reckless. Robber’s rarely pull stunts like that unarmed! You may have enhanced healing compared to a human, but you still die if someone stabs you! And this is your third ER trip this month!” He scolds and his tone is far gentler than before- not unlike how one might speak to a child, rather than someone a mere three years younger than him. You meekly bow your head, chastised. “How do you think auntie would feel if anything happened to you, (Y/N)? You may be a Guardian, but Guardians aren’t invincible. You, of all people, should know that.”

You flinch, feeling as though he’s slapped you. He’s clearly furious with you if he’s willing to choose such a sore spot to shame you. For the thirteen years you have been in the human realm, it has just been you and your mother. You have not been able to forget that fact for a single day. Every day you awaken afresh with the reminder that there is a third member to your family who should be there but is not. Your father’s life was lost as you all fled, and your mother had found herself widowed with a headstrong young child in a foreign and unfamiliar realm. Jin’s family have always been around to help because you haven’t exactly been an easy child to raise, but there are some burdens that no one can lift from a single parent.

And you love your mother, and you really would do anything for your her. It’s just... you don’t want to pretend that you’re a human. For your entire time here, your guise as a human has felt like an itchy, poorly fitted jacket that you want to peel off and throw away. Humans are selfish and lazy and would leave a child on the side of the road and they’d been very quick to notice that you were different and target you for it- these are all things your father hated. To be human is to spit on the sacrifice he made for you... and yet to continue to fight it is also disregarding that he gave up his life to let you live in comfort.

Jin, with his handsome face and ability to charm anyone he meets instantly, has never had an issue settling into the human realm, and so he’s never really understood why you cling so much to your former home realm. He knows that you’ve never truly stopped grieving the life of your father, but he cannot understand why you do not see the human world the way that he does. He had very much taken to being a human and enjoys all the perks that come with it- the technology, the fawning women, the interesting and unique cuisines... Jin adores human culture. And so, it irks him that you constantly seem to be sticking out like a sore thumb.

“I’m sorry.” You say in a small voice and you’re so downcast that you miss the way that Jin’s face crumples with guilt.

“Just... try to be safer in the future. This realm has its own law enforcement. We don’t need to be guardians here.” He tells you softly. Then he clears his throat awkwardly. “How was the job interview?”

It’s an act of mercy- he’s trying to save you any further misery by changing the subject. Unfortunately, you have yet to break the news to Jin; you bombed the interview. Massively. It’s not like it was even a job you were that invested in. Just a fulltime job that involved doing some admin in an office. The exact, safe, boring job your mother has dreamed of for you since coming here and the exact job Jin has been pushing you to apply for because he’s sick of his parents nagging him to lend you money or take you out for dinner or give you lifts because your car broke down and you can’t afford to fix it. But you messed it up and you hate yourself for it. Hate yourself for disappointing your mother, and, if you’re really honest with yourself, for disappointing Jin. You’re already so aware of how lowly he views you and this just makes it sting that little bit more.

But it is the exact kind of job that will slowly kill you inside. You are trying to kill the part of you deep down that longs for something more. You don’t even know what it is you want. But killing that part and settling into this world and its ways and its customs mean giving in. It means forgetting. And for thirteen entire years, you have not been able to forget. How can you, when you left a piece of yourself back there, on the battlefield where your father had lost his life for your sake? He was not even given the luxury of a grave and yet you are supposed to be comfortable and post pictures on Instagram about how happy you are and go to brunch and just enjoy life? You... you can’t do it.

“I... don’t know.” You finally say. You shrug and glance away. “It felt like it went well. We’ll see if they call me back.”

Jin visibly brightens, unaware of your lie.

“I knew I had a good feeling about today!” He says warmly. “You’re totally going to get that job, I can feel it in my bones. Finally, my parents will get off my back!” He cheers. He probably means the last part as a joke but it’s just another sting; another reminder that Jin just sees you as a burden.

His celebration session is interrupted by an alert on his apple watch. He glances at whatever notification appear and winces. He glances at you like he’s done something wrong.

“I’ve got to go. I uh… I have a date.” He confesses. Jin is always tentative when he talks about the women he sees, like he’s anticipating some sort of reaction from you. You don’t know what reaction that would be, though, and you don’t think you’d ever feed his ego with any reaction other than a mild disgust and indifference. When you just continue to stare, he nods, more to himself than you. “I still have to sort all your paperwork to make sure you can get discharged so I probably can’t stay with you for your discharge. You don’t need a lift home, do you? I’ll probably have to drive straight there.”

Normally you would accept- though your broken bone heals faster than a human’s, it is still highly painful and inconvenient. But the thought of being in the car with Jin right now is highly unappealing. For some reason, lately when you spend time with Jin, you just feel more and more aware of how inadequate you are. You can’t help but notice the way people gravitate towards Jin. The way their eyes are constantly seeking him out or how a room brightens when he steps into it. And it’s not just his looks- it’s his everything. His demeanour, his smile, his success. He has taken to the human world like a fish to water and you just can’t. It’s not like you don’t want to. But his presence, his nagging, his constant disappointment with you… it’s a persistent, painful reminder of everything you can’t bring yourself to be. Not even for him, as much as you sincerely hate constantly disappointing him like this.

He adjusts his watch as you shake your head.

“I’ll just get the bus. I can still walk.” You say, plastering a smile on your face that hopefully seems sincere. Jin glares at you and reaches out to tap a finger against the firm plaster of your cast.

“Fine, but this stays on until tomorrow. I don’t care how fast you heal- I don’t want that leg healing crooked. Your mother will definitely notice if you suddenly have an extra bend in your shin. And no more chasing robbers- not even if it’s an old grandma with a cane being robbed. We stopped being Guardians for a reason.” He warns you. He adjusts his shirt cuffs and pulls out his phone to adjust his hair in the selfie camera before glaring at you. “I won’t tell Auntie about today because I don’t want her to worry. You can stay at mine tonight, so she doesn’t ask any questions when you hobble home in a cast.”

“Thanks.” You say and he’s oblivious to the bleak tone in your voice and the way your expression is downcast. If there’s one thing that has Jin oblivious to the rest of the world, it’s the prospect of a date. “Is the code to get in still the same?”

“I changed it to your birthday because that stupid pixie that always hangs around you worked out the code and keeps leaving my sugar open on the counter. I’m getting so many ants. I’m pretty sure he’s leaving it open for them.” Jin tells you already halfway turned around. You wisely choose not to tell Jin that you had told Jungkook the code to Jin’s apartment. Jin pauses before he can stride off. “Oh yeah. Auntie texted me- she wanted me to make sure you remember to come to dinner tomorrow and that you dress nicely. She has something important to say.”

“She could have just texted me herself.” You mumble, but Jin has already walked off, probably to sort the last of your paperwork before his date. A trail of sighing onlookers watch his departure. It just makes you scoff as you return to glaring at your cast. It itches.

You make a promise to yourself to use Jin’s kitchen scissors to remove it tomorrow so that he has at least some kind of inconvenience in his life. Nothing is more irritating than a blunt pair of kitchen scissors.

++++

Despite seeing Jin’s mother every other day, and renting the apartment directly across from her, your mother always acts like the president is coming over whenever Jin’s family comes for dinner. She pulls out the fancy glass bowls and the plates she bought with her first paycheck from the diner she was employed at when you were small. She vacuums the whole apartment and checks your room to make sure you’ve cleaned it in case Jin needs a bed to nap on after a long day at the hospital.

She’s never quite managed to get the hang of human cuisine and since the human realm doesn’t hold the magic stores available to cook Guardian food the way that she learned, you are always the one to make dinner. You’ve never once complained because you know that on some level, this is your mother’s attempt to compensate. This is the closest you will ever get to having a community with other Guardians, and Jin’s dad is the closest thing you will ever have to a father.

But even despite her usual frantic state whenever there’s a joint family dinner, she definitely seems more frazzled than usual.

“Is it meant to smell like that?” She asks with a grimace, leaning in to look at the salad you’ve thrown some vinaigrette over. You glance over your shoulder from where you are checking on the food in the oven.

“Yes, mum.” You say, standing and gently nudging her from the kitchen with a smile. “It’s vinaigrette- you liked it last time when I made it, remember? It’s why I made it tonight.”

Your mother digs her heels into the ground before you can drive her from the kitchen and send her back to wiping the already sparkling cabinets in the living room. She turns to scrutinise you carefully.

“Are you going to do your hair? It looks a little messy.” She frets. You raise an eyebrow. This is new. Your sweet, doting mother has never once criticised your appearance, not even when you went through that phase where you had an eyebrow piercing and dyed your hair neon green. Something is up.

“It’s just Auntie and Uncle, right?” You say suspiciously. “They used to bathe me when we lived in magregnum, mum.” You say. Using the original term for your home realm feels foreign on your tongue and your mother’s expression shutters at the sound of her original home.

“Well, a lot has changed since then.” She says softly. You’re about to question the strange, unfamiliar expression on your mother’s face. Something looks different about her... you squint when you recognise the shimmer of your favourite eye shadow on her lids.

“Are you wearing makeup?” You question. Her eyes go wide, and you can’t help but notice that her lashes are curled. But her answer is interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Your mother pales and instantly she switches back into her jittery, pre-dinner self.

“Quickly, quickly!” She urges. “Dinner’s not ready yet!”

You shake your head with a smile at your mother’s familiar antics.

“It’s probably just Jin- Auntie and Uncle always make him come over earlier to help.” You call over your shoulder. You’re in a far better mood than you were yesterday, particularly after bending Jin’s kitchen scissors beyond repair during your attempts to remove the cast this morning before heading out and pretending you hadn’t been fired from your part-time job the week before. You had punched one of the senior managers for bullying the new hire. Your leg was mostly healed at that stage and Jin had told you that you could take the cast off before he left for work that morning. When you arrived back home in the afternoon, your mother had either chosen not to comment on your slight limp or had been too distracted by the stress of having dinner to notice. You are glad to have evaded her sad, disappointed eyes and the unwarranted comparisons to Jin for the day.

After a long few moments of peace in the kitchen, you can’t help but notice the lack of an annoying presence hovering over your shoulder. Usually when Jin arrives, he makes a beeline straight for the kitchen so that he can sample whatever it is you’re making and proclaim it decent (and then try and sneak some extra portions later in the evening when he thinks you aren’t looking). The complete lack of Jin’s presence to do whatever the kitchen equivalent of back seat driving is has you pausing with a sense of unease. It is the first clue that something is up- the door opens and yet the older guardian doesn’t make an appearance. Confused, you pause midway through pouring out melted chocolate from a glass measuring cup and glance over your shoulder.

“Minyo Dolkara,” is your mother’s tentative call and your eyes widen at the term of endearment. It is a common one back in your home realm, but your mother only uses it to comfort you when she feels you are truly upset. She is knotting her fingers anxiously together and beside her stands an unfamiliar middle-aged man. He smiles warmly at you, and your gaze lands on the arm he holds carefully around your mother’s shoulder. Your grip tightens around the handle of the measuring cup.

“Mum?” You ask, your tone laced with confusion. “Who’s this?”

Your mother swallows nervously and glances at the man in question.

“This is... my love.” She confesses. “Nigel. We met at my night classes and I... He...”

“I’m her fiancé.” The man, Nigel corrects. He is a friendly, round sort of man. The kind of man often seen on tv playing father to a rebellious teenage daughter in a sitcom. And his smile is warm and excited, like he’s happy to meet you. He directs that smile to your mother, and rather than look disgusted or uncomfortable, she merely beams back at him.

That’s probably what this night was for, in hindsight. And why your mother was so nervous. She planned this to introduce her new boyfriend... no, her new fiancé to you, and to Jin’s family. Dimly, in the back of your mind, you register all the unusual signs about tonight. The way she’d messaged Jin to make sure you were at the dinner despite the fact that she’s never been able to bring herself to make you do anything you don’t want to.... the way she’s been commenting on your appearance despite it never having bothered her before... how long has she kept this from you? How... how could she be seeing another man?

No words form in your mouth- instead, the face of your father hovers in your mind. After thirteen years, you can’t fully recall what he looks like and you weren’t able to bring any pictures over to the human realm with you. It has been long enough that you cannot recall his face or his voice. So, in theory, why can’t your mother meet someone new? Did you expect her to live as a widow until she died, alone and far from the home realm she grew up in? Of course, you didn’t. But for some reason, this man’s presence right now leaves a bitter sting like she’s plunged a knife into your chest.

The smile drops from Nigel’s face after a few moments of you staring blankly and his smile is replaced with concern. It takes you a while to understand it is because you have crushed the hand of the measuring cup in your tight grip. It falls to the ground and shatters, followed by a few drops of blood as red rapidly spreads over your clenched fist and lands on the ground. You haven’t used your enhanced strength in so long you almost forgot you had it.

“Fiancé?” You echo at last and though it is your own voice, it sounds distant. Like your ears are suddenly submerged under water. You don’t know what hurts you more in that moment- the painful reminder that the world is moving on without your father... or the fact that your mum has kept such a huge secret from you for who knows how long, probably because she was scared of how you’d react. “You’re engaged?”

“(Y/N),” your mother says, taking a step forward, perhaps to comfort you. She does it tentatively, like you are a beast she needs to placate. The people in your life- at least the ones who know your true identity- often approach you like that. Slowly and hesitantly, as if they don’t know how you will react. Like you are a ticking time bomb, ready to go off and cause trouble. Which in a way, you suppose you are. Things have always been difficult with you, after all. You never settled into human schooling well and you didn’t get into a good university like Jin, and you’re always getting yourself into trouble trying to help random people off the street. And your mother, your poor placating mother, is prepared to do the same thing she always does. Apologise that you had to leave your home, that the new human world isn’t to your liking, but gently remind you that it is, in fact, your real home now.

But you do not give her the chance to feed you the same tired lines. You’re so sick of hearing this lecture. Every time you wind up in hospital because you’ve interfered with a fight or been hit by a car trying to save a random puppy, Jin gives you the same, frustrated lecture. When you fail another interview or get fired from a new job, your mother is there to try and fail to hide her disappointment that you aren’t leading the life she’d planned for you. But not this time- this is too far. You’ve been trying to squash the part of you that is a guardian for their sake for so long now, but you cannot do it for him. For this man, this stranger, who has waltzed into your home like he owns it and announced that he’s marrying your mother. As if he has a right to just join your family. You are out the door before she or Nigel can offer a word of explanation.

You don’t see Jin until you crash into him. He steadies you with a hand planted on either shoulder. You glance up at his face, barely registering what he looks like through the blur of tears spilling forward. For a brief moment, the sight of Jin’s face (even blurred) and the familiar set of his broad shoulders fills you with relief. Even if Jin’s always viewed you as a bit of pain, he’s always been an important person to you, always ready to provide support. But then you see the look on his face.

Jin actually winces when he sees your expression. Perhaps he is realising it’s going to be one of those nights, where he sits up on the roof with you for hours and comforts you as you spill your guts. That’s how it’s always been, after all, ever since you were a small child and would run to him when you scraped your knee instead of your own parents. You would cry and he would offer some wise words mixed in with a stern reprimand and then his parents would congratulate him for being such a good influence on you. Even when you hit high school and started to realise for the first time that Jin didn’t view you with the same adoration you viewed him, he never stopped being that person for you. The shoulder to cry on, the rock to lean on. But now, he stiffens, as if steeling himself for the explanation behind your tears and he probably already has a speech half prepared in his mind. That’s the job he delegated himself, after all. To look after you, for as long as you are alive and giving him headaches. So, if it’s always been his job to do just that, why does he look like he’s just been asked to help clean a public bathroom at the sight of you in distress?

He... he doesn’t want to deal with you. That’s why he looks so uncomfortable.

You feel something inside you crumple. You can’t identify what feeling it is but, in that moment, you realise something. Everyone in your life... they all view you as a burden. Your mum had delayed telling you about her boyfriend until the last possible moment because your response would be difficult to handle. Jin’s parents see you as a hopeless child that their perfect son must look after. And Jin.... well you can see from the look on his face how he views you. It reminds you of a dark day, all those years ago in high school, a memory you thought you’d pushed down, and it surfaces now, before you can push it back down like you normally do. But then you set your shoulders- you were over the things Jin had said that day, and you aren’t going to allow the way that he looks right now to be the thing that resurfaces those feelings.

You shove past him. Over the past few months, you’ve been avoiding Jin more and more as your self-esteem plummeted lower and lower but today something tips over the edge for you. You don’t know how or why it happened but at some point, Jin has stopped being the person you can turn to when things get rough. And you have just realised that he no longer wants to be that person either, which hurts far more than you ever thought it could.

“(Y/N)!” You hear him call out to you, probably shocked that you aren’t caving immediately and telling him what’s wrong- after all, there’s probably only been one time in your life before this that you’ve done so. You ignore his call though, making a beeline for the staircase, and he does not follow you.

The place you usually go to when misery strikes is the rooftop of your crappy apartment building. You’ve spent countless hours up on the rooftop, watching the sky. It’s oddly therapeutic- the thing you used to miss most when first moving to this realm was the stars. Back home, they sparkle different colours like precious stones scattered across black velvet. Here, the smog of humans blocks their stars from the sky. But the brightest stars are somewhat visible on clear nights and they are the closest reminder you have of home. That’s probably why you have chosen the roof as your refuge. Since beginning to take refuge here when things go bad, you’ve accumulated a small collection of old furniture from whenever your mum goes on a redecorating spree.

What has resulted is a comfy little corner of the world you can call your own, away from everyone else. No one else seems to use this place, even if the rooftop is accessible to everyone in the complex, but that suits you just fine. It’s perfect for curling up and wallowing, much like you are desperate to do right now. There are a lot of confusing, painful emotions swirling around inside you, ones that you aren’t really sure how to deal with or process.

You slump down against the old picnic blanket you have stretched across the floor and let your head collapse against an old cushion your mum threw out years ago and peer up at the sky. Wincing, you idly pick out pieces of glass from your hand and watch the skin seal over almost immediately as you wonder if the sky really as beautiful back home as your memory tells you it was. Or, do you just want to believe things were better in the other realm? You’re not really sure but it really would be nice to go back. Not forever- as much as you hate to admit it, your family is here now, which makes this realm your home. But you want to see the place you came from. You want to see the stars and the valleys and the rivers. The night before you and your mother fled, your father had told you that everything about Magregnum would change by the time you were old enough to go back, except the landscape. Mountains cannot move, after all. A part of you longs desperately for that- to see the things that will not change and the landscapes that could not leave your father behind. The only reminders that you aren’t just a random human washed up in the bleakness of life, but a guardian. Something special and precious. Something better than what you feel like you are.

An annoying buzzing in your ear breaks the bubble of your pondering. You blink a few times and then sigh, turning your head to the side. A small figure, no taller that the height of your handspan, stands beside you with his arms folded. Small, insect like wings flap so rapidly they are little more than flashes, catching the light of the fairy lights you’d strung across the fencing of the rooftop a few weeks ago. The figure tilts his small head to the side and at this proximity you can see the way he frowns. He always has the oddest tendency to pop up whenever you are alone and miserable and likely he is displeased to find you in such a state yet again.

“Do you ever do anything other than sulk?” The creature asks. He is a pixie, as you know from your first interaction where he had very indignantly informed you that no, he is not a cross between a mosquito and a human in-between your attempts to squash him with a fly swatter. You grimace.

“No.” You snap, rolling onto your side to face away. Alas, the small pixie merely lifts easily into the air and sails over your face like he’s an Olympian performing high jump. He lands neatly in front of you once more and grins.

“What happened this time?” He asks, settling down into the picnic blanket cross legged. He plants an elbow on either knee and rests his chin in his hands. The buzzing of his wings slows to a gentle flap, which allows you to discern the thin, silvery veins that lace across the delicate membranes of his wings. You’ve always secretly thought it a shame that Jungkook is just a pixie, given his handsome face and charming nature, but being a human would mean the loss of his gorgeous wings. “Did Jin ground you again?”

“He’s never grounded me before.” You snap defensively. “And even if he did, it’s not like I would listen to him. He’s not my parent.”

Jungkook shrugs, leaning back to press his weight into his hands and stretching his legs out in front of him.

“Yes, you would.” He points out. “You always complain about Jin, but I know you always do what he says.”

You purse your lips and sit up. Jin is one of the last people you want to talk about right now. Jungkook stands up too, launching himself into the air so that he can settle on your knee.

“So what did Jin do this time? Change the code to his apartment again? Find out about your motorbike? Treat you to dinner?” Jungkook questions eagerly. You’ve never seen the pixie interact with another living being other than you, Jin or Taehyung (and on occasion your mother) and he had sadly informed you that he was the only one of his kind in this realm when you first met thirteen years ago. So, you have a theory that he lives out his need for drama and gossip and social interaction vicariously through you. It’s the only way to explain his constant interest in your life and the things that are making you sad.

“It wasn’t Jin.” You finally admit, lifting your gaze once more to the sky above. “Why are you even here anyway? Did you run out of YouTube dance covers to copy?”

Jungkook nods and settles down beside you. “It’s all pointless after a while.” He says forlornly. “It’s not like humans can see me. Only guardians will ever see me dance and they don’t care. I figured I might as well talk to one sentient being before I go crazy. The moths just aren’t great conversation partners these days.” He pauses. “So, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

Jungkook’s confession has your resolve crumbling. Sometimes it is easy to forget that you, Jin and Taehyung are the only people Jungkook can mix with, as a pixie in a human world. Even if humans could see him, the government would probably deport him back to the other realm the second it found out he was threatening exposure of magical beings to humans. A strange sadness on his behalf overcomes you and that is the thing that makes you willing to confess what’s bothering you. “It was... my mother.”

Jungkook is silent and when you glance down at where he is seated upon your knee, he is also gazing in wonder at the sky above. He doesn’t press further but you still somehow feel compelled to share.

“She’s engaged.” You admit and the words feel oddly piercing amongst the soft hum of city traffic. They hang in the cool night air and suddenly the warmth of the night seems stifling rather than comfortable.

“I thought the Q’uvar were happy when that sort of thing happened? Don’t you all have those huge festivities in your village whenever a marriage ceremony happens?” Jungkook questions. The natural way the original term for your people rolls off his tongue testifies to his origin- despite him living in the human realm, there is no doubt he comes from Magregnum, just as you do. Even when you were living in the other realm, your people would refer to themselves as guardians. Only the really old-fashioned members of your race would use the language that had slowly died out over the years as the common tongue became the norm. Not for the first time, you are curious about Jungkook and where he popped up from. Jungkook turns to look at you and tilts his tiny head. His inky black hair flops to one side with the motion. “Shouldn’t you be happy that your mother is engaged?”

The unintentional reprimand slaps you across the face and you wince. In theory, you should be thrilled that after so much difficulty and hardship settling into this realm, your mother has found a source of happiness. She has worked so hard on your behalf to make sure you grow up safe and secure in this foreign realm and so the least you can do to repay her is to be happy when she is happy. But the niggling fear that always chases you holds you back. It’s a fear of change- of the way life seems to move too fast for you to catch up. Here you are, stuck in the past when even your own mother has managed to move on and build a life for herself.

“I should be.” You answer softly. You lift your knees and hug them close to your chest- Jungkook falls off with an indignant squawk. Moments later he rises in the air until he is eye level with you- even the buzz of his wings seems irritated.

“Well then, why aren’t you?” He asks, but the tone of his voice implies that his patience has been lost with you. Since the moment of meeting you all those years ago, Jungkook had assigned himself as a sort of pseudo-counsellor and confidante, but it does not mean he enjoys the position. No, more often than not, he is annoyed and puzzled by your seemingly trivial problems. You kind of enjoy such an attitude though- it makes the things that feel insurmountable to you become small and insignificant. Jungkook makes you feel like problems can be overcome. This time, however, his dismissive attitude has you feeling worse.

“Because I’m homesick.” You admit miserably. “Why does everyone seem to settle in here so well? Why am I the only one struggling? Why could everyone leave things behind so easily? How can they just pretend that they’re humans, and completely ignore the fact that they are Guardians?”

You press the palms of your hands against your eyes and release a long exhale. No one has followed you up here, after you rushed out like that. Who even knows what state your mother’s dinner is in? Hopefully she remembered to get everything out of the oven. Are they having fun without you? Is Nigel charming them, winning them over, getting them excited about the possibility of a wedding? Are they… are they really happy, in this realm? “Do you ever think about going back?” You question, after a long moment of silence. You drop your hands from your eyes.

“Sometimes.” Jungkook admits. “I wonder what it looks like now. Taehyung says it’s largely the same, it’s just the cultures and people that change.”

You stare out across the ugly concrete buildings that the rooftop view provides you. In this realm, everything moves fast and changes quickly. In the blink of an eye, a new building can pop up down the road or an entire family can move away from their twenty-year-old restaurant and close it without any warning. Back home, you remember things being steady and unchanging. Every morning, you would rise to the same mountain ranges, to the same fringe of forest, to the same river song. The only guardian you know who has gone back is Taehyung, and he validates that impression- forests and mountains do not change.

“I wish I had half Taehyung’s courage. I want to go back.” You confess.

Jungkook hugs his knees into his chest and mirrors your position beside you.

“What would it achieve?” Jungkook asks curiously. You shrug, picking idly at a stray thread on your jeans.

“Hopefully something.” You say. “I feel like I’ll never know what could happen if I don’t take the risk. I just… I feel like it’s calling me. It doesn’t want me to forget what I am. This realm doesn’t suit me because this isn’t my realm. Maybe I’ll find a place that fits over there.”

Jungkook nods sagely. A moth flaps past him and he smiles at it as it goes past.

“And what would you do once you’re there?” He questions. It does not take you long to give an answer. You’ve had this adventure mapped out in your mind since you were a miserable, homesick eleven-year-old.

“My dad used to have this phrase. “The river loves those who take the plunge.”. He’d always say it in the old tongue, and apparently it was an old guardian phrase that meant sometimes taking the risk was worth it. But apparently the phrase comes from a river to the east of our home. Dad said that the river is home to a special migrating plant, and it lights up and looks like shooting stars. They call it ‘the dancing river’. He promised to take me there, one day when the war was over.” You explain. “If rivers and mountains don’t change… then that’s that last piece of him I can find in that realm.”

“And that’s what you want to see, if you go back?” Jungkook asks. You nod and shift your position to the side of some old drawers you had rescued from your mother’s bedroom. Inside are a bunch of wrinkled old papers that you pull out and show him.

“Taehyung always brings me back a map whenever he gets back from over there to show me how things have changed. Look.” You point at a small blue line that trickles across the painted landscape of the map. The label is written in the common tongue. “River of stars” it says in sleek cursive. You know from matching it up with an older map that the name has changed but it’s the same river your father told you about. “It’s only a five-day hike from the portal.” You point at a small mark on the map- this has Taehyung’s writing scribbled on it, marking the join between the human realm and the magical one. “I could go and just... get it out of my system. See the river. Like a road trip but in another realm.”

Jungkook flutters over to peer at the small distance between the river in question and the portal on the map.

“I just have to go once. Just once. And see it- see the places he loved. And then I’ll settle into this realm and get the boring job Jin and my mother want me to have and marry an equally boring human. I’ll go to her wedding and watch her pretend like my dad never existed and like I’m not a Guardian.” You tell him. “I... we didn’t even get to say good-bye, Jungkook.”

Your voice cracks and Jungkook glances up at you in surprise. You rarely open up about your father to the pixie but he’s always curious when you do, like you’re sharing the story of an ancient war hero. Which in a way, he is. Though the war is fresh and recent in your mind, over a thousand years have passed back home, since your people roamed freely there.

“We just got word that he was dead, and we had to go, or we would be too.” You tell him, recalling the way Jin’s father had woken you two up in the middle of the night, pale as a ghost and drenched in your father’s blood. You remember running a lot that night and clinging to your mother’s hand. You had tripped and scraped your knee and you hadn’t been able to cry. And when you reached the human realm, your mother had shed a single tear and then shouldered on into your new life. No time or space to grieve. Not when there was so much uncertainty ahead. “No funeral or anything. I just... I want proof, that he was alive. I want to see the places he saw and just... I want to get a chance to say goodbye. I never even got to tell him that I love him one last time.”

Jungkook holds a hand to his chin as he ponders your words and then he looks at you. Though he is small, you can make out the dark colour of his eyes. His expression is soft and gentle. It reminds you of the look Jin used to give you when you’d come up here because the kids had made a mean comment about you not understanding their weird meme jokes or you were sad because you’d seen a kid hanging out with his father. Back before Jin had lost his patience with you, when he just got that the reason you couldn’t settle in was because of the cost it took to get to this realm safely.

“You know it wouldn’t bring him back, right?” Jungkook asks softly. “Everything you knew about that realm faded thousands of years ago. You won’t find home there anymore than it is here. And it won’t stop your mother from getting married.”

“I know.” You answer forlornly. “But maybe things will be better if I just get to… acknowledge what I am. Even if it’s only for five days.” Jungkook stares for a long moment and then nods, his shoulders set with sudden determination.

“Then let’s go.” He announces. You blink in surprise at his proposition.

“Go?” You echo. He nods and straightens, planting on hand on his hip and pointing the other directly at you.

“I am the first person to point out that you’re spoiled and selfish.” Jungkook reminds you, which has you wincing. “You don’t even know how lucky you are, to have so many people who love you. Do you know what I would give to be human? To have a friends and family like you do? And every day you spit on it. If this is what it takes for you to finally be content, then do it.”

You frown and look away from him.

“I don’t want to go when you put it like that.” You say, resenting the slight way your voice wobbles with hurt. You feel the slight tickle to your cheek and find Jungkook has pressed his tiny hand comfortingly to the side of your face.

“Don’t be hurt.” He says softly. “I do know why you’re struggling.” He offers you as comfort. “And I do understand why it’s so hard. To live amongst humans every day and pretend like none of the terrible things that went down over there really happened. But in focusing on the things you’re missing, you’re missing out on the things you have.” He explains. “So, let’s go, (Y/N). Let’s go see the Dancing River and find the peace you’re looking for.”

You stare at Jungkook for a long time, before offering the slightest nod. He’s right. What’s the use of waiting and hoping and holding out for something? Why not just go and find out if seeing this river will solve any of your problems? The river loves those who take the plunge, after all.

“Let’s go, Jungkook.” You agree, with the faint hint of a smile on your face.

What you don’t see, as you converse with Jungkook, is Jin slowly closing the door to the rooftop, first aid kit in hand. He gives one last glance at the doorway, wondering if he should join you and Jungkook before shaking his head with a sigh. He turns around and makes the slow trek back downstairs with a troubled expression on his face.

#kim seokjin x reader #jin x reader #seokjin x reader #castlebangtan #seokjin scenario #writing

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i-need-entertainment · 3 years

Text

Don't Close Your Eyes

Character: Numai x reader/ [it's a secret;)]x reader

Based off of the song "Don't Close Your Eyes" by Keith Whitley

Warnings: Unrequited love, no cheating but he ain’t the one on her mind, hurt for Numai, Toxic but not abusive, unresolved ANGST...I don’t really know what possessed me to do this but I can’t say i’m too remorseful.

(No complaints, I guarantee this hurt me more than it could ever hurt you 🥲)

Numai blinked his eyes open, rolling onto his back as he placed his hands over his eyes, slowly breathing in and out. Opening one eye, he softly called your name as he patted the bed beside him, only to find it empty. He wasn’t too surprised, you never did stay in bed too long in the morning. Usually he’d find you half-dead at the kitchen table or zonked out on the couch, but never beside him, cuddled up in bed.

Sighing he sat up, sitting on the edge of the bed as he stretched his back, hands coming to rest on his knees as he just...sat there. You and Numai had been living together for about 6 months now, you’ve been dating for 3 years. But to be honest, it didn’t feel like 3 years. It felt more like 3 months.

When the two of you had first met it was your junior year of college, his senior year. You had just gotten out of a long-term relationship with someone, the break up had been a messy one too. You never really told him what happened, just the basics. The rest he pieced together through friends or stories he heard about your high school days. All he really had to go off of was a name you let slip a few times, and that he played volleyball. Atsuhiro? Tsu-something-or-the-other? He couldn’t remember much, but...it was obvious, you never really got over him.

You never told him that, but it’s not like you needed to. He was given enough clues by you alone to piece it together. For one, you weren’t ever really there. He could tell you were distracted, often staring into space completely entranced in what he guessed was some perfect fantasy world, where your ex never left for the pros and you had followed after him.

When you kissed him, it was lacking passion and romance, it was lacking love. When you fell asleep next to him at night, it was like 2 strangers lying next to each other in the dark. No late night conversations, no holding one another while you fall asleep. To someone who didn't know better, they'd probably say you were roommates. But to be fair, those who did know better wouldn't give much more credit to your relationship.

And it's not as if you didn't like your current boyfriend, after all he was an amazing boyfriend! But every time you almost forget about him, every time you can feel yourself moving on you freeze...because Numai isn't him, and try as you might you can't fall in love with another man because you never fell out of love with him. And no matter how much both of you wish or pretend, Numai isn't him.

Sighing Numai stood up, stretching out his back and groaning as It popped. Slipping on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt he walked out of your "shared" bedroom and into the kitchen/living area. And sure enough, there you sat, still in your pajamas, half-dead as the counter scrolling through your phone. "Morning Babe." You sat up, eyes filled with an expression that danced on fear as you turned your phone off and flipped it over onto the counter. Taking a sip of your coffee you smiled, "Mornin' Kazuma."

That was another clue you gave him that you never got over your ex.

You only ever called him by his name, it was almost a year before you even tried using his given name, and now it was only Kazuma. Never any nicknames, never any pet names or terms of endearment. Only Kazuma. And at first, he just figured you didn't like pet names, which is fine...but when he asked, your friends told him you didn't dislike them, and used them with your ex a lot.

And then there was the 5th, and final clue you never got over your ex.

Numai continued into the kitchen grabbing a coffee cup from the cabinet and pouring himself a cup before going to sit on the couch. But before he did, he walked behind you, noticing you had turned your phone back on and opened Instagram. Now, Numai wasn't one to snoop, to eavesdrop or break your privacy in any way.

But he didn't have Instagram, having deleted it during college, so he didn't know what you posted, if anything at all. But watching over your shoulder, he could see you scrolling through your page, no pictures of the two of you or him. It was mostly pictures of you/your friends, normal things he supposed. Until it got to just 3 years ago, and that's when he saw him.

The 5th and final clue you never got over your ex.

There he was, in his fair-haired 6 ft something or the other glory, signature smirk as his hand was wrapped around your waist. You paused at that picture, spending more time looking at it then you did the others. Numai turned on his heels and walked to the couch, turning on the TV to try and drown out the incoming wave of hurt and insecurities he knew was coming.

It was funny, the first time Numai had seen your ex. Eyes picking out the similarities between the two men. There was the dyed blond hair, the light brown eyes, the love and passion for Volleyball.

The Rebound...that's what he was, and he knew that. He was someone to keep you company, someone to warm your bed at night and comfort you when you needed it. He was your boyfriend, and he only wished he could call you his.

But your heart never really belonged to him, he wasn't sure he even had a peice. How could he, when you had already given it wholeheartedly to him, [REDACTED].

And he supposed he should leave. Cut his losses and heal from the 3 year heartbreak he's been experiencing. But he couldn't. Or rather, he didn't. Cause there was still that hope, still that longing that someday, someday you'd open your eyes and realize you had someone who loved you right there, someone who gave you their all for nothing in return.

But as the days go by, knowing that if your ex so much as said 'hello' you'd be gone in an instant. Numai can't help but think it'd be better if he just...left. And with a text to one of his old high school buddies and a trip to the closet go get his suitcase, that's exactly what he does. And sure enough, not even 2 months later there you are, smiling and bright eyed as you stand next to him, your one and only, Atsumu Miya. The one person's side who you never really left, as long as you just closed your eyes.

"Don't close your eyes, let it be me

Don't pretend it's him, in some fantasy

Darling just once, let yesterday go

And you'll find more love than you'll ever know

Just hold me tight, when you love me tonight

And don't close your eyes"

#zap writes #angst #numai x reader #numau kazuma #numau kazuma x reader #nohebi #nohebi angst #nohebi x reader #numai angst #Haikyuu!!#haikyuu angst #haikyu angst #haikyu x reader #haikyuufanfiction

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noona-clock · 4 years

Text

The Personal Trainer - Part 2

Genre: Gym!AU

Pairing: Junhoe x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: None

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 | Words: 2,376

You spent all of Tuesday and a lot of Wednesday worrying. Nervous. Anxious.

For more than one reason.

First of all, your entire body was still incredibly sore from your first training session. Literally every single limb and every single muscle ached, even when you were just sitting or standing still. How were you going to work out again when you still felt the effects -- quite acutely -- of the previous one?

Second of all, even though you’d told Junhoe it would be fine to continue training with him... you were coming to wonder if that was really true. I mean, maybe you would get used to it in another week or two, but...

I don’t know. You were just anxious to see him again.

Maybe it was worse this time because you knew he would be there, and that was different from last time. Last time, you had been taken totally by surprise, so this was technically your first training session knowing Junhoe was going to be there to train you.

...Yeah, that really made no sense, but whatever. You had already told him it wouldn’t be an issue to train together, and you were not the type of person to go back on your word.

Besides. You were an adult! Both of you were! You could be mature about this!

...Hopefully.

Except... by the time Wednesday evening rolled around... you were seriously contemplating calling in sick.

I mean, you were still sore and achy, so it’s not like it would be totally untrue. But you knew if anyone else had been your trainer, you wouldn’t be so anxious about it. You wouldn’t be internally arguing with yourself about faking a cough and shooting him a text that you couldn’t make it today.

Oh, yeah. Did I mention you had his number in your phone again?

Obviously, after the break-up a couple of years ago, you had deleted his contact. You had deleted practically every trace of him from your phone save for one picture together that was just too good to erase.

But, now, since he was your personal trainer, he had gotten your number from the form you’d filled out and texted you to remind of your sessions.

So far, he had only sent you the one message: Don’t forget training tomorrow~

No asking how you were, nothing about wanting to catch up... nothing about missing you.

Okay, yeah, this is exactly why you were so anxious to see him again. You didn’t want to accidentally say something to make him think you wanted to get back together! And you certainly didn’t want to accidentally say something to give away that you’d stalked his sister’s Instagram. He would think you’d never gotten over him, and that was just not true!

You had gotten over him. Fully and completely.

It had taken almost a year, but the two of you had dated for almost three, so it made sense that you hadn’t gotten over it in a month or two.

Junhoe had made a huge impact on your life. He’d been with you through lots of ups and downs, and he’d helped you grow as a person -- just as you’d done for him.

The two of you were still basically opposites, though. He was a people-loving, laid back Type B, and you were an introverted, schedule-oriented Type A. Nothing about that would ever change, so you knew the two of you would never work out. Realizing that had been the biggest step in your journey of getting over him, and it would be the biggest reason why you would never even think about getting back together.

Ever.

Ever!

But. The truth of the matter was, you had to get over all of your anxieties and go to the gym. You had promised your brother, you had assured Junhoe, and you had prepaid for all of the sessions, and those three reasons amounted to much more than your one reason for wanting to skip out.

So, with a sigh, you opened your dresser drawer and fished out another new pair of workout leggings.

At least you had cute exercise clothes to make this a little more enjoyable.

“How are you feeling?”

You shouldn’t have been surprised that this was the first thing Junhoe had said to you upon his arrival in the gym training area. If he had any experience as a personal trainer at all, he would’ve known that the first session -- especially for someone so not used to working out as you -- had some brutal after-effects.

But... you were surprised.

Junhoe was a very emotional guy, but it had taken you quite a while to learn that because he really didn’t show them. He had always gotten awkward around you whenever you’d cried, so you’d figured that feelings simply made him uncomfortable.

Then, about six months into your relationship, he had shared his poetry with you.

That was when you’d realized how emotional he truly was. He just really only expressed it on paper.

He’d said I love you, of course. He’d told you how happy you’d made him. But the feelings he spoke out loud in everyday conversation were nothing compared to the words in his poems.

So, that’s why you were surprised he had just asked how you were feeling. Because... he really hadn’t ever done that before.

Of course, he was just asking how you were feeling physically, so... that still didn’t even count.

Whatever.

“I feel like I got hit by an 18-wheeler,” you answered after you shook all of these pesky thoughts from your mind.

A grin appeared on Junhoe’s lips, and he let out a soft, deep chuckle. “Yeah, that’s not surprising. But don’t worry --”

You prepared yourself to hear him say he was going to go easy on you.

“Once we get back into it, you won’t notice it.”

...Oh.

I mean, he was a personal trainer. It was his job to train you and to not go easy on you.

“We’ll see about that,” you murmured with a slight raise of your eyebrows.

And, as you expected, Junhoe had been entirely wrong.

From the first exercise to the last exercise, you could feel every single movement in your aching muscles. The workouts amplified your soreness, and you had to force him to let you take a few breaks because everything tired you out more than it had a couple of days ago.

Junhoe kept telling you that you would eventually get used to it -- you would eventually feel better -- you would eventually be able to get through a session without stopping or feeling the pain.

“Eventually doesn’t help me now,” you finally replied to him after you collapsed onto the floor, your chest heaving as you struggled for breath.

“I know,” he acknowledged. “Right now, though, you just gotta get through it.”

“Easy for you to say,” you muttered.

...But then you got back up and continued on.

You were many things -- weak and lazy being two of the more prominent -- but you weren’t a quitter. Once you set your mind to something, you felt out of whack until you followed it through to the end. And at this moment, all you wanted to do was make it to the end of this session.

When Junhoe finally -- finally -- announced that your hour was up, you let the muscles in your legs give way and fell down onto the mat.

Another Epsom salt bath was most definitely on your schedule when you got home.

Just as he had after the first session, Junhoe held his hand out to help you up. And just as you had after the first session, you ignored it for a few moments, allowing yourself to somewhat, slightly, kind of catch your breath before taking his hand and letting him hoist you up.

But, unlike the first session, Junhoe stayed standing in front of you after helping you up. His forehead wrinkled softly, and he pressed his lips together in thought.

...Should you be scared right now?

“Hey,” he began, his voice low. “I... I was wondering.”

Oh, no. You should probably be scared. It’s usually not a good thing when an ex says “I was wondering” to you.

“Hmm?” you hummed, though it got caught in your throat.

“I mean... if we’re going to be seeing each other a lot, I just thought... I wanted to catch up with you. Maybe we could get lunch sometime? Or dinner?”

Your eyes widened.

“Not a date,” he clarified, obviously taking your widened eyes as a sign of your anxiety. “Just catching up. Friends. Old friends, nothing more.”

...Okay, that did make you feel better. You were still wary, but the fact he had just so vehemently assured you it would not be a date made you feel better.

And, now that you thought about it, you realized you did want to catch up with him. You wanted to know how he’d gotten here and how he was doing.

So, you tilted your head into a small nod and said, “Yeah, sure. That would be nice.”

Unexpectedly, Junhoe’s face lit up with a smile.

And, not so unexpectedly, your heart did a somersault inside your chest.

You hadn’t thought he’d be disappointed in your answer, of course, but... for some reason, you hadn’t thought he would be as delighted as he looked right now.

“I’ll text you soon, yeah?” he offered.

And your heart did another somersault because he remembered you would rather text than talk on the phone. He hadn’t been too great about respecting that while you’d been dating -- he’d called you basically every day, and sometimes later at night when you’d just turned your light off.

To be quite honest, that was one of the things that had contributed to your breakup.

But we won’t get into that right now.

“Sounds good,” you agreed, still working on catching your breath. Though, you decided that was because you were still exhausted from your workout. Not because of Junhoe’s smile or the fact he was offering to communicate through your method of choice - something he hadn’t done during your relationship.

No. Absolutely not.

Maybe it was because the last time you’d been soaking in your Epsom salt-filled bath, your brother had called you to ask about your first training session that made you want to call him again now that you were soaking in an Epson-salt filled bath once more.

Like a memory imprint sort of thing, you know? This one specific thing happened the last time you’d taken a bath, so now you expected it to happen every time you took a bath.

...Except you kinda knew that wasn’t totally true.

You actually... maybe... sort of wanted to call him because you wanted to get his take on the whole... “going out for a meal but it’s not a date” situation.

If anyone would tell you his honest opinion, it was your brother. You had no doubt about that.

So, after letting your sore muscles soak for about ten minutes, you finally gave in and reached out of the tub to call him.

Side note: yes, you much preferred texting over calling, but it was different with your brother. He was basically the opposite of you, and you knew that talking on the phone with him was pretty much the only way you would ever be able to stay in touch with him. So, you bucked up and did it -- for him. And, to be honest, you’d gotten used to it. But only for him. You still didn’t like talking on the phone to anyone else.

“Did you have another session today?” he asked once he’d picked up after the second ring.

“Yes,” you sighed, letting your head lean back against the rim of your tub. “You should be very proud of me for going back there.”

“I am!” he assured you, his grin very obvious in his tone. “You were probably sore as hell, huh?”

“To put it lightly.”

Your brother chuckled, and the familiar sound of his soft laughter brought a grin to your lips.

“And you were probably nervous to see him again,” he added.

“...To put it lightly,” you repeated.

“I really am proud of you,” he said quietly. “I know this can’t be easy for you. I know how you...”

But he let himself trail off without finishing his sentence, which was just as well. You didn’t want to get into a conversation about your old feelings... because you needed to bring one up about your new feelings.

...No! Not that -- not that you had feelings for Junhoe. It’s just -- your feelings about going to eat with him! Your feelings of confusion and anxiety -- nothing more!

“I actually --” you began, though the words got caught in your throat slightly. Once you’d cleared them gently, you continued, “I wanted to... get your opinion on something.”

There were a few moments of heavy silence before your brother replied with, “...Okay. Go ahead.”

“So, at the end of the session today... Junhoe... said he wanted to catch up. Over, like, lunch or dinner or something.” You didn’t give your brother a chance to react, hurrying ahead with the rest of the story. “He assured me it would not be a date. He literally said that. Not a date. Just two old friends catching up. And I do kind of think it might get more awkward if we only see each other at the gym because it’s kind of like we’re not acknowledging that we know each other, y’know? But I still feel awkward about it, so I just wanted to --”

Your brother interrupted your nervous rambling. “I think that’s a good idea, actually.”

You paused, your mouth hanging open slightly with unspoken words.

“I think you still kind of need closure,” he added. “Or something like that. I don’t know. Maybe this is just me, but I’ve always felt like... you never really... truly got over him.”

Your mouth fell open even more.

You blinked.

You sat there, in your tub, not moving.

...He felt like you what now?!

Part 3

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jtsfavslut · 4 years

Text

Stages [6/6]

Description: In which a girl goes through six stages to realize and accept the fact that her marriage is going downhill.

Stage Three: Acceptance

Description: Just when Yeimy accepts her life the way it is, she gets unexpected news.

Warnings: none

Word Count: 2k+

Acceptance (n.): a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition

Two and a half months. Two months and fifteen days and you were feeling free.

You had taken a week off of work, by simply completing all your work a week before.

You sat down by yourself at the beach and had a mental conversation with yourself.

It took you two months and fifteen days to accept the reality that you and Grayson were no longer together.

The reality that you were alone, at least for now.

You haven't talked to Karina or Ethan, or any else you knew since the day you left Grayson’s office.

They had called you, visited you but you declined every call and pretended you weren’t home until they finally gave up, leaving you a letter.

A letter telling you that they respected your decision of not wanting to have contact with anyone or anything. Letting you know that they loved you and that they were always ready to listen.

Not wanting to be that selfish, you sent Karina a text telling her how sorry you were for your actions, but that you needed some time.

Time away from everyone and everything.

And that was it.

The main reason was that Ethan reminded you of him in many ways, since they were twins, obviously.

The other main reason is that you wanted to close that chapter in your life once and for all, and you did.

And finally, you came in terms with the fact that this was now your life.

Going to work early in the morning, surviving the entire day with just a coffee and a bagel or croissant, then going home to cook a sad little meal for yourself and go to bed.

You would sometimes go to the beach, straight after work, blasting your oh so depressing indie music.

You were fine until one day you were listening to Tame Impala, and your mind went straight to the thought of him.

That being because you two bonded over your love for Tame Impala. You pulled up to work one day while blasting the Inner Speaker, the sounds of ‘Solitude Is Bliss’ caused Grayson to come up to you and asked if you listened to them on the regular.

FLASHBACK:

“I do, I literally play them every day,” you smiled walking next to him to the building’s door.

“Me too, they’re just so good,” he replied with a smile on his face, holding the door open for you, causing a light red tint to spread across your foundation covered cheeks.

“Thanks” you whispered and he nodded his head with a smile.

“Hey, maybe we can listen to them together after work?” he awkwardly asked once you were in the elevator for a few seconds, just you and him.

“I would love too, I actually know a place,” you replied with a shy smile as his eyes looked at you, begging you to say yes.

“Cool, umm I’ll wait for you at the parking lot, and then umm we can grab a bite or something,” he shyly replied, his blushing state making you smile and feel slightly better about blushing.

“Yeah, I’ll be inside your office all day anyways, sorting through papers,” you replied, mentally slapping yourself for being so shy. But then again, it was your third week in the internship and you were already flirting with your boss, who was infarct just a couple of years older than you.

“Right, there’s not that much to do today Marie, that’s your name, right? Please tell me it is?” he said as the elevator’s doors opened causing you to giggle as you both walked out.

“Lol, yeah it’s my middle name, my first name is Yeimy,” you replied and he let out a relieved sigh.

“Thank God, I thought I already messed up,” he joked while laughing.

“Nope, not yet Mr.Dolan,” you replied, following inside the office and taking a seat at your desk that was in the corner.

“Please call me Grayson, that makes me feel old,” he said and you sent him a confused look. “I’m only 21. Why do I look old?” he asked, making you laugh.

“No, no, no” you quickly let out. “You just seem mature and you’re built more grown like,” you said explaining how he had a grown man's body, you only realized what you’d said when you saw the smirk on his face.

“Oh god no, that sounds so inappropriate, I’m sorry,” you quickly apologized while he laughed.

“Marie, nowhere in the contract that you signed did it say it was wrong for us to flirt, and may I saw, you have a mature body too,” he replied with a cocky smirk and you blushed. You spent the rest of the day avoiding eye contact. Grayson made you feel nervous, yet giddy, it was a weird feeling. You liked it but you thought it was wrong, and boy was you in for a ride.

End of Flashback.

You quickly changed the song before you got yourself even deeper into your memories.

Yeah, you accepted the fact that everything between you and him was done for, but you also accepted the fact that you’ll never love anyone else like him.

Grayson was the love of your life.

Grayson was your person.

And you thought that when people said ‘right person, wrong time’ it was just a lie, but it was true.

Grayson was, and will always be your person, but the timing was wrong, unfortunately.

But that was what had happened in your life for the past two months, nothing.

You just worked, ate, workout watched Netflix, and slept. As Well as the usual night drives and constant visits to the beach.

In need of a physical for work, you had set up an appointment for 10 in the morning, and by 9 o’clock you were already dressed in some mom jeans and a cropped tee with some simple white air forces and out the door and on your way to the doctor’s office.

You dreaded going to the Doctors, not because you were scared, but because of the wait.

Once they called you in, you got up with a sigh and followed the lady inside the room, where she took your vitals, checked your height and weight, and gave you a cup to pee in, which you quickly did because you knew this was coming and held it on all the way till here.

“Hi, Yeimy, I’m Dr.Kelly, we’re gonna start with a few questions. Is that ok?” Your doctor asked after she walked inside the room after knocking a few times.

You nodded your head in response letting out a low ‘yeah’

“Ok, I know these are awkward but we have to ask everyone these, ok?” she said and started talking before you could even respond.

“Have you smoked any marijuana, or consumed any products with it?” she asked and you shook your head saying no.

“Smoked cigarettes?” she asked and you shook your head with disgust causing her to laugh.

“Never,” you replied and she let out a ‘good’ checking it off the list.

“Do you drink alcohol?” she asked.

“Nope,” you replied and she crossed that off the list.

“Last one. Have you had any unprotected sex within the last three months?” she asked looking up from her paper as you stayed quiet for a few seconds.

“Yeah,” you sighed. Recalling the last time you had fucked anyone was when you found out Grayson was cheating on after he had done just about everything to you.

“Any pregnancy symptoms? Just know we’ll do a test with your urine to make sure, and if it were to come positive we’ll send you to the Ob/Gyn’s office and help you with everything you need,” she said with a reassuring smile after she noticed your mood swift from calm to nervous and stiff.

“Ok, yeah thanks,” you softly whispered out with a smile.

“Ok sweetie, you seemed just about fine, vitals are good, your weight is good, height seems a little short for your age but other than that everything is good,” she said getting up from her chair as you chuckled at the height part.

“I’ll be right back, with your results. And everything will be alright, there are always options,” she said trying to make you feel better before she left.

Which didn’t work at all?

What if you were pregnant? You knew abortion wasn’t the answer for you, but what would you do.

You knew you were going to keep it, throwing adoption out of the window,

The only concern was regarding Grayson.

If you are pregnant, are you going to tell him? Or are you gonna raise the child all by yourself?

What would be his reaction? I mean for the love of God, you were just starting to get over the man...sort off.

You didn’t even know if you were or weren’t pregnant and you were already overthinking everything, and being alone in a small, white and quiet room wasn’t helping. Not even a bit.

You pushed them to the back of your mind, trying to think of something else even though they still lingered around.

The doctor was gone for five minutes, but those five minutes seemed like five hours due to your nervous state.

“Congrats Yeimy, you’re pregnant. You’re about three months, and two weeks, we’re not exactly sure, but the Ob/Gyn can tell you that once we set up an appointment,” she said, your ears only hearing the pregnant part.

It was at that exact moment that your life had changed, for the second time this year.

But in your mind, it was something somewhat positive.

Positive in the aspect that you had wanted kids all your life, so this was making you happy, and knowing you weren’t going to be alone.

But negative because you were going to have to raise a child all by yourself, you had the money, the housing, and everything a child needed to grow up.

The only thing you didn’t have to provide was a father.

It was wrong. Wrong on so many levels. And selfish too, but as you sat in your kitchen for almost two hours, thinking and trying to come up with a solution.

You decided you weren’t going to tell him. At least not yet. You and him were done for, and you didn’t want to bring him back into your life.

You couldn’t. You just got over him and accepted the fact that you had gotten divorced.

And you kept it to yourself. It was easy, after getting a divorce from Grayson, all the spotlight you had was take away too, which you were grateful for. You deleted every social media, and you were back to your previous social status, somehow.

Now you were just a writer for Vogue who dated a celebrity and now doesn’t, which helped you hide the pregnancy away from everyone.

The only thing you care about now is your baby.

That was it.

So you started eating healthier, stressing less and getting a good night sleep every night.

You had also told your boss, who you had a good work-relationship with. She always listened to you and you did to her.

She was so happy when you told her, and told you how she was going to spoil him or her, and how she was going to let you work from home since she knew you had nobody.

You loved her, she was like the mom you never had, since she was old enough to be your mom, but had the mentally to understand people your age.

Knowing that took a large amount of stress off your shoulder, since you knew that when the baby was born, you would have all the time and everything you’ll need to raise him or her properly.

Because from that day on, all you had and still have is your baby, a tiny little bean inside your uterus that you don’t even know the gender of.

Tags: @angelgrayson @rhyrhy462 @333dolans @vinylhazza @fangdolan @dolanissues es @mercurygrant @persistence-ofmemories @dolansficsandpics @blindedbythelightt @kinkygrays @pineappledols @the-evolution-of-stupidity @evergreendolan @beatement-l l @graydolan12

#grayson dolan #ethan dolan #graysonbailey #dolan twins #ethangrant #grayson x reader #grayson bailey #graysonsmut #dolan fandom #grayson #Grayson Stages #stages

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