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slut4sway · 1 year

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fallin, dreamin, talkin in your sleep

i know you want to cry all night

all night

plottin, schemin, finding reasons

to defend all your violent nights

promise me

🪵••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••❄️

if you break i won’t let you shatter

tags : fluff, sad comfort, cabin, winter, holidays, cuddling, soft boys, mlm, overthinking, crying, lemon, head with a hoodie on, possession, reflection of myself, imagination, my own raw thoughts

18+

12/22, 6:34pm

linus carefully drove down the salted roads of new england, a hand resting on jeremy’s left thigh. the younger man hid some subtle tears; turning his face away from his boyfriend. his cheeks and tip of his nose were all aglow of that post-cry redness he always seemed to get after a long night or a bad loss. it was finally the week long break they’ve been waiting for but jeremy always thought too much on his downtime.

“sway?” the older man breaking the ambient sound of tires rolling.

“mhm?” jeremy replied. wiping some tears playing it off like waking himself up from a nap.

ullmark examined his rosy cheeks and tear-streaked face from the side. “are you crying, hun?”

“no, it’s alright. im okay-“ the thinner boy said in a shaky voice before being cut off by the sound of the keys being pulled and the running motor of the truck fading off. the driver side door opened as linus treaded across the front of the vehicle and made his way over to jeremy’s side. thinking about so much, he didn’t even realize they made it to their homestead.

“i’m sorry for cutting you off, i just know how this goes. we get into a long, deep conversation and it spirals into you bawling your eyes out and you’re uncomfortable in the truck, so..” his apologetic voice trailing off. the swedish man held out his arms as a non-verbal way of asking the younger one of the two to help him out.

jeremy looked him up-and-down, before stepping out and almost collapsing in his arms as he held tears back. he looked around and realized they finally made it to their cabin, though the last thing he remembered was the blurry sight of the interstate.

“inside?” ully whispered, snowflakes catching on his eyelashes and melting over his black toque.

“i know, my love i know..” the blonde whispering comforting nothings to his significant other while guiding him to their small chalet, the snow crunching and their pair of footsteps following behind.

linus rummaged through his pockets for the keys, jingling before he inserted them into the keyhole and turned, pushing the door open simultaneously while his touch never left the man on his side.

jeremy let some tears slip, the cold making them feel like a murderous burn pouring from his eyes. he had so many questions. why does he think so much? why is he so sensitive? why does he let his brain talk so much? anybody could say it was self-depreciating but swayman just couldn’t face it.

both men kicked their feet on the siding before stepping inside the heated foyer and kicking off their frosty, damp shoes. removing each layer until they were left in a pile of jackets and hoodies to be worried about later.

jeremy tried to hide his emotions, out of the ordinary especially with someone so comfortable with him. he felt ashamed. why? so many thoughts. so many. he couldn’t even keep track he just knew his head was too loud and it was upsetting him.

“why don’t we go take a rest, eh? i’ll make us some hot cocoa. you think you’ll like that? take a warm bath i’ll have everything ready for you.” he said while pecking the younger man’s cheek, jeremy’s stubble grazing his barely overgrown beard. just a gentle reminder the swede was just trying to help.

he silently agreed, as linus’ hands left his shoulders while he mindlessly walked away. he padded his way to the master bathroom, floorboards creaking with every movement until he reached the carpeted area. jeremy flicked the light switch on, a faint but welcoming buzz and a fan beginning to spin above. the alaskan man glanced around at all the decorations as he walked over to the rustic looking bathtub. at first he struggled to find how to work the water, losing the muscle memory after not being there since the summer. water flowed from the faucet, a small amount of steam following as well; he liked his hot baths.

swayman slipped his form fitting base layer off himself as he stared into the full body mirror before it started to fog up from steam billowing towards it. he looked over every inch of his frame in his reflection. it’s been a while since he had ended bulking, looking a tad bit more cut than before. stepping into the tub while he turned the faucet handles. jeremy dropped some dr. teals salt in the rippling water. his muscles relaxed for the first time in a while. the thoughts were finally quieting down.

•••••

as ullmark heard the water stop splashing and flowing, he started thinking as well. the hot chocolate mix boiling in the pot; a pleasant scent coming along. why did his overthinking get worse around the holidays? jeremy loves christmas, but always seems more down leading up to it. seemed like a question with no answer, but it didn’t matter. all that was important was that his boy was alright and he was working on it. returning from his spot leaning against the counter he mixed the marbled chocolate one last time and turned the stove off to let it cool. trying to be productive; he layed out some soft flannel pants and his own personalized hoodie for sway to wear after his bath. he went back into the closet and browsed for his own outfit. taking some matching pants out of the organized variety. pulling the drawstring knot out and slipping his other sweats out and swapping them for the flannel pants and tossing the other grey pair in the hamper in the corner of the large walk-in. linus was rid of his long sleeve as well, walking out. the automatic light flicked off as he strode back to pour the hot cocoa, preparing it to set up their bed.

•••••

jeremy gradually felt the water cool, it finally stilled as his eyes grew heavy. it eventually became lukewarm. this was his sign to come back to reality. sway rose from the water, disrupting the constant show of nothingness that the ripples had left behind. he caught a glimpse behind the blackout curtains of some snow covered trees and hills in the background. he brought his attention back to what is waiting for him outside, as he let the water drip off his body. jeremy grabbed a soft towel from the rack and stepped out onto the fluffy bathmat as he wrapped the towel around himself, drying himself down from head to toe.

he wrapped the towel around his waist and sluggishly trudged out of the bathroom, switching the light off on his way out. he was met by the sight his boyfriend half asleep on their bed with mugs of hot cocoa resting on the window sill, steam still slowly rising.

linus saw him and pulled himself out of the blankets. sway teared up a bit, emotional from what happened before as his man came over to him, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a warm embrace. it was silent. linus could read him so easy and immediately knows what’s going on. it has jeremy weak in the knees as the towel is barely holding on by the fold. this time he finally let himself go as he whimpered into his boyfriends shoulder, salty tears flowing from his hazel eyes. linus rubbed his back and stroked at his dark locks.

he took grasp of his hips and led him towards a chair by a large window where his clothes were layed out. he looked at jeremy for approval to take off his towel. jeremy got the memo and gave him a nod. linus was gentle, softly unfolding and undoing the piece of cloth. the older man rest a hand on his waist while reaching past him to retrieve his fluffy flannel pants - surprise surprise, matching ullmarks. the light from an ambient lamp reflected the small droplets and streaks of water transferred between their bodies onto the swedes bare chest. jeremy watched in awe, just taking it all in as his significant other was on his knees looking up at him (his favorite sight.) waiting for him to give him access and lift his foot so he can pull his bottoms up.

jeremy snapped back and realized he was staring. his lips pursed waiting to say something; but no sound coming from his mouth. he finally let the other man dress him, and after the flannel pants came his hoodie. linus helped pull it over the slightly smaller man. jeremy loved the feeling of his boyfriends hands on him and the fleece lining covering him and keeping him warm.

they both padded over to their bed surrounded by windows, ullmark admiring him the whole way even if it was just a couple feet away. his name in jeremy’s back, and his number just made it harder to focus. jeremy was the first to enter the bed, sitting up as linus followed, he wrapped an arm around him, the other man picking up the two mugs of cocoa and handing one to the other man. it was the perfect temperature, perfect men, perfect moment.

they sipped on their drinks, admiring the snow-blanketed vermont landscape. finally, the swede broke the silence.

“jer.. do you think you’re ready to talk about what happened earlier? i understand if not i just want you to know i love you and i’m always here when you wanna talk.” he rambled a bit, accent laying in heavy.

the alaskan paused before responding, his eyes a bit glassy. he set down his almost empty cup and leaned into linus’ space, snaking a hand over his upper body, feeling every muscle and crevice he had.

“you know i overthink a lot, love.. it gets real bad in the winter.” his voice losing stability in each word.

��i don’t know why, i just kind of let it happen because fighting it is draining. i don’t want to talk about the thoughts because it just doesn’t feel right… i get overwhelmed by everything and there’s so many thoughts, and my head is so loud, a-and it just upsets me a lot, and i never know what to do about it and-“ his breath hitched as he ran on

“shh.. you’re alright babe, i’m here. it’s all gonna be okay, i promise. i’m so proud you were able to open up and tell me this.” he tried to calm him down, knowing if he gets overwhelmed he gets irrational.

“i want you.” jeremy choked through tears.

“you have me, i’m yours my love.” the older man affirmed, running his fingers through his silky brown hair.

“if you break i won’t let you shatter” he whispered, planting a kiss on his forehead. before he lifted his boyfriend up into a more comfortable position as he trailed his kisses down his face, meeting his lips.

their tongues fought for dominance in a desperate but gentle way; the taste of chocolate and marshmallows still lingering , linus took his lower lip into his mouth, nipping a bit eliciting a whine from the younger man.he took this opportunity to break the kiss and continue trailing down to his neck. he suckled and left love bites wherever he kissed. he slipped a warm, comforting hand up his hoodie feeling out his toned abs and riding up to his nipples, running a thumb over his sweet spot, his mouth finally parting from his reddened neck.

jeremy’s flannel pants were obviously growing tighter, linus hooking his fingers around the waistband.

“can i?”

“please, baby..” jeremy whined.

ullmark gently pulled his bottoms down in such a torturously slow way it made jeremy go crazy. he whimpered and whined his name, giving linus a rise in the process.

he wrapped a large hand around the base, just running his tongue over the tip. he was teasing him so much thought he know he needed more.

“fuck.. more- please, please, please” swayman whined.

linus loved seeing him beg, but now all he needed was care and attention so he obeyed and slowly took him fully into his mouth, sucking and running his tongue over the slit of his dick. jeremy pulled at his blonde locks, giving a pleasurable hum from the swede. the vibrations sent him over the edge, as he released into his mouth.

he swallowed everything, but still collecting some dribbles on his finger. jeremy was out of breath coming down from his high. the older man brought his finger up to jeremy’s mouth, letting him taste himself.

“such a good boy, you taste amazing. let me clean you up” ullmark cooed as tears from pleasure slowly dripped out of his eyes onto the bed. linus crawled out of their bed, and strode to the bathroom to get a towel and some lotion for his boy.

he emerged from the dim bathroom light, jeremy’s vision still blurry. he came back to the bed, starting to wipe up with the sweat from his upper body with a cooling towel and some scented lotion and being gentle when he came closer to any sensitive spots; he knew jeremy didn’t need any overstimulation right now.

“you’re so perfect honey, i promise i’ll do anything to help you” he affirmed again.

“i know before you wanted to cry all night, and you didn’t want to talk; but im so proud of you for opening up to me” linus comforted with a warm tone.

it wasn’t a loud, eventful, talkative night. but that didn’t matter

“fuck, i love you so much linus, just kiss me already” jeremy cried, leaning into his space again and letting their lips make contact again.

“if you break i promise not to let you shatter” linus confessed through the kiss. the taste of jeremy and the hot cocoa still prominent.

#Spotify #swaymark #boston bruins #bruins #fanfic #hockey #why cant i just function #im cryin #i love them #soft fic #fluffy #linus ullmark #jeremy swayman

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astraltrickster · 11 months

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I want to introduce a disability concept that I've been calling paradoxical stigma.

What is paradoxical stigma? It's the stigma against:

1) The actually disabling traits of a disability that's in the spotlight for the parts of it that are convenient to accommodate, and/or

2) The diagnosis of such a disability itself,

Due to the assumption that the spotlight renders it "destigmatized" and no longer in need of support.

As of right now, at least around this corner of the internet, the most obvious examples of this are autism and ADHD. It's become disturbingly common for people to treat those like Diet Disabilities That Don't Actually Count. It's been really interesting to watch the popular attitude about these disorders shift from "autism is either a tragedy or an excuse depending on 'severity', and ADHD is just a myth used to drug kids into complicity instead of teaching them actual skills", to "actually these are real disorders that affect people in all aspects of their lives", to "I GUESS they're real disorders but honestly EVERYONE has them can't we worry about more SERIOUS ones?" and...not in a good way.

It comes up...partially as a legitimate backlash to people with these disorders who think that invisible disability and/or neurodivergence begins and ends at their experience, and...yeah, that's a problem all right, in fact if I had a dollar for every asshole who looked at my struggles with things like keeping my space clean or not fucking up my medication doses DUE TO ADHD and went "well I have the same diagnosis and I don't have THAT problem to THAT extent, obviously you're just lazy and careless", or saw me having an AUTISTIC meltdown and called it "bullying" or worse because I get loud and insisted that I NEED to CONTROL that CHOSEN BEHAVIOR if I want to not be a Bad Person, or heard about how AUTISTIC overstimulation defense measures play into my trouble with cleaning and insisted that well THEY'RE autistic too and don't have that specific problem so this is clearly weaponized helplessness because I just don't WANT to learn to do better, I'd...probably have a lot more assistive tech. I also get really, really frustrated and upset when people use RSD to mean "if you ever criticize me that's the height of ableism, no matter how much I'm actually fucking up and hurting you" - especially since it's so often invoked as a defense against being lightly criticized for ACTUALLY harmful behavior and as much as it sucks there IS no substitute to make that more emotional-dysregulation-friendly beyond basic kindness in criticism. That attitude exists. It's bad.

And yet, theoretically, I think we could all agree that the response to that should NEVER be to reinvent the old "ugh, those aren't REAL disabilities, those are just EXCUSES that LAZY PARENTS make for kids being kids, what they need is DISCIPLINE" stereotype of the 90s-2000s, just now aimed at those same kids as adults, in ostensibly supportive spaces - or arguably worse, to revert all our understanding of support needs to the externally judged high-functioning/low-functioning dichotomy.

What really sets this apart as paradoxical stigma, rather than just garden-variety lateral ableism, is that 1) we CAN theoretically all agree that reinventing those stereotypes is a terrible response, yet many people do it anyway, and 2) these stereotypes are invoked not only because of that intracommunity misbehavior, but both within and outside of disabled spaces, because of the illusion that you can bring up those disorders and have them taken seriously because fidget toys and stim videos and weighted blankets are popular now. An event having quiet rooms, or backlash to Autism Speaks being visible outside of autistic spaces, will be taken as "proof" that autism stigma is over forever and anyone who complains about it is just a whiner who doesn't know how good they have it...even when what they're complaining about is, say, being barred from migration. Paradoxical stigma is enacted by people who think that they, alone, are standing up against someone who's throwing others under the bus to continue to progress their own limited agenda...when in fact they're speaking a very popular shitty opinion, that MANY of the people making that claim would disagree with HEAVILY once separated from the "crab bucket reflex".

As a personal example, the result is that when I'm looking for assistance, I'm...hesitant to bring up those diagnoses, because I know I'm going to be written off as "obviously a high-functioning low-support needs scammer who just doesn't WANT to CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY and EARN things" - even by people who otherwise agree that people should be allowed to survive even if they truly are the living strawman lazy bum who has nothing wrong with them but just WANTS to lay around eating junk food and doing drugs all day, AND that disability deserves to be respected, isn't black-and-white, and affects everyone differently; somehow when these combine in the context of my diagnoses that have had a very sanitized version of themselves "destigmatized" on TikTok, they cancel out into blatant reactionary sentiment indistinguishable from what I'd hear from my shitty token Republican uncle.

So, that's paradoxical stigma. Feel free to use the term if you find it useful.

#disability #serious tag #and yes it is applicable to issues other than disability #if youre seeing parallels to this in how same-sex marriage passing nationwide in the us #was the beginning of a big downswing in support for queer rights because what ELSE could these entitled freaks POSSIBLY want #you are correct! they are VERY closely related! not quite identical because it wasnt almost equally intense within the community as outside #but i wouldnt call you wrong if you wanted to use the same term!#speaking of bringing back the high-functioning/low-functioning dichotomy - it is NOT lost on me #just how many people dont take me seriously as a Real Autist because im usually ''well-spoken''#therefore i CLEARLY cant have support needs that are hard to aestheticize right???#as if that kind of misconception isnt EXACTLY WHY we moved away from functioning labels in favor of discussing support needs

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