/vent

why is my psyche so weak that even the end of a god damn online friendship is enough to put me in a bad mental state for over a year :’(

i get too attached to people too quickly, and you’d think i would learn my lesson by now, but NOPE!! I dive into friendships too quickly and then get upset to the point of physical illness when they turn out to be a dickhead </3

but based on how often i get hurt, i feel like i really should learn to be less open and friendly with people and more distant and cold, at least for the first month or so </3

and to top it off, nobody ever listens to me or my stupid-ass concerns. nobody cares to even try listening. nobody..

I JUST WISH SOMEONE WOULD LISTEN TO ME FFS :’(

I JUST WANT GOOD FRIENDS!!! MY HEART CAN’T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS SHIT :(

part of me thinks making new friends would help me feel better, but the other part of me feels like it would be a bad idea for me to jump into new friendships just yet, as i have barely even healed at all yet, and getting my heart broke again at this point could be catastrophic :(

(tturing)

Devlon x Rhys's Mom

Hear me out (@popjunkie42 and I have discussed this at length, bless her heart):

It's established that Rhys's mother was not in love with the High Lord. She spent most of her time in Illyria, had her wings intact, and apparently was given enough freedom to move about on her own that she could take her daughter on camping outings.

Plenty of opportunity for her to fall in love with the War Lord who seems to be allowed a lot of freedom to disrespect Rhys and the other Bat Boys in the present (but, Cee, he trained them and that's where the sentimentality comes from! No. That's not romantic and tragic enough.)

Those laws imposed to stop female wing cutting and to ensure they're trained in the battlefield are quietly (or in the case of Rhys's absence UTM not so quietly) fought because the murder of Rhys's mom and sister's justify that Devlon couldn't protect them, the dangers going against their traditions brings, and the other Illyrians rally around this tragedy.

Devlon looks at Rhys and see's the High Lord that would take his lover off to breed, filled her head with too many High Fae beliefs and values that don't apply to the reality of growing up in brutal Illyria. Devlon looks at Rhys and sees a young male who is still dreaming even though Devlon lost his dream centuries ago.

Devlon looks at Rhys and sees his mother, the daughter that was like his own, and relives the grief of those losses over.

And Rhys looks at Devlon and sees the male his mother actually loved. He knows he'll never be able to dispose of the stubborn Lord or his old-fashioned beliefs because it would mean disposing of someone his mother cherished.

So, they're both trapped in each other's orbits and Devlon tends to Rhys's mother's house whenever the IC aren't in Windhaven and Rhys continues to send Cassian to try and find a middle ground for the old and new.

Day 197 | id in alt

Gojo sends Yuta a letter that just says "get better soon!" Followed by another Hex from Kugisaki.

too shy to share this thought on twt so it goes here heyyy anyway um

im just thinking about a world where asura failed to save nika and could never forgive himself so he vows that he'd save him in another life. he doesnt expect nika to forgive him, but he does. nika doesnt even think he has to forgive him because of his unwavering faith in nika

AAAHDIWHDKWJDKHQODHQOFJWJDKQMDOQNDJQJDNOQDNOWBDW

i hate that i already told everyone how happy i was allegedly and that i was getting my shit together allegedly but now i realise that it was all hinging on this job and well. the illusion has crumbled! i remember how much i hate office jobs but also dont know what else to do and i remember why i have such issues holding down a job because i get burned out so easily! fuck! and i told too many people i intend on trying sobriety which. also not actually. sobriety would be great to get into fitness and cooking fresh again but! for that i need a fix routine and its not possible with my work schedule! i dont know what to do i wish i did not have to pay rent and shit so i can try out some stuff to find something that i can actually do. im right back where i was six years ago and four years ago and one year ago…

i had a week off two weeks ago and i was not really able to do much because of a minor surgery and i finally had the mind to read and i took so many walks and it was so nice and ever since i have not been able to shake the feeling things are not working out the way i thought they were. fuck i thought i was finally able to settle and work on myself and be secure but im just back where i was and i feel like now everyone is expecting me to get better and everyone thinks im in a much better place mentally and i feel like a huge disappointment because it was all an illusion.

and i feel so ungrateful and guilty because of all the women stuck in prostitution and i had the privilege to exit and get a posh job im in such a privileged position why cant i just be content and do my silly little job why do i feel so fucking depressed and like i want to scream and so demotivated. well i guess the world around has not changed either and we live in fucking depressing times. but why is it affecting me in a way i cant do my job and provide for myself. aggh

the things i would do to this man stay between me and god

I was just watching sachsenring 2019 (what a season my god) and I just noticed like, has marquez ever changed his number to one? Like bagnaia currently has it on his bike, but idt marc ever did? Is there a reason? Can you like choose not to or smth?

yes!! you can choose not to! and marc has said he's really attached to his number 93. vale also never used it!

+ theres kind of a little bit of a superstition about the #1 plate bc for a while, until pecco, riders who used the #1 didnt win another title after it!

which hq boy is the type to flirt with their ex and why is it matsukawa issei

I hate when people ask you something about an interest you have and when you answer they’re like “how do you know?” I’m going to murder you

the thing is i very much understand the appeal of lupcretia narratively bc they are foils who betray each other and then forgive each other because the force of their grief and guilt brings them to an understanding and i also understand the appeal of blupcretia bc its a three person relationship who disagree on something major and split apart leaving one party feeling abandoned when the other two agree against her and what does that mean for the fact that the rest of their lives outside a horrible timeloop are supposed to start soon Because of that decision and disagreement like i get it narratively its interesting!! but here’s the thing: i just have an unshakeable belief that lup is straight

i hate to be that guy but i cannot get behind the idea of the Hero being LQ's "agency" or "will"

Im barely starting season 2 of house but why is everyone saying that house doesn't visit the patient? "Visiting a patient, thats unlike you" Literally every ep he goes to see the patient like CMON he is giving every patient like 100 psychic damage as soon as he walks in the room how are you not noticing this

I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh

hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]

i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..

I feel as if, maybe, autistic people get hurt and confused and generally affected by ghosting more than anyone else, yet we are the ones who receive that treatment the most often

Dabi: What doesn’t kill you makes you adopt a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.

Hawks, muttering: …stand a little taller, doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone…