#why am i so fucking insane. what is wrong with me
Text
so high school ; JB5
pairing(s) ; jude bellingham x singer!reader , jude bellingham x student!reader
summary ; twitters favourite new(ish) artist drops her new album right during her school year.
warnings ; nothinggggg & mainly just fluff bc i love happy people
note ; SORRY ITS SHORT AHHAHA, i’ll post a new lando fic soon i just have no inspiration… ignore any dates that are wrong or don’t match - im lazy. also this is VERYYYY LOOSLY based off so high school lol (it’s mainly the aristotle line)
instagram !
liked by judebellingham, taylorswift, and others
youruser surprise !!!!! as an end of term present (for myself🤭🥳) and in honour of knowing the loml for 15 years, here’s 15 new songs for you guys to (hopefully) enjoy 😊 noah, thank you for trusting me and letting me join you on what might be one of my favourite songs ever!! i loveeee youuuu. && to my jude<3 thank you for inspiring me every single day of our lives. i love you bigger than the whole sky 🩵🩵 (guys he’s actually v v talented and he helped me write scared of my guitar, hard to sleep, and feels like) j, you are my safe place and these songs — especially the ones i haven’t let you hear yet — are for you.
ps guys idk how to only write happy songs but jude is the only one who makes me feel safe enough to express my emotions through my songs 😁 i looooovvveee him and am NOT 🙅♀️ breaking up with him. he is stuck with me forever💞
‘the alchemy’ is YOURS tonight at midnight 💓
view all comments
user1 WHAT
user2 YOU CANT JUST DROP THIS ON US WTF
oliviarodrigo my girl💞💞 i’m so so soooo excited😭
user3 GIRL I KNOW YOU DIDNT JUST CALL THE ALBUM ‘the alchemy’ FOR NO REASON. WHERE TF IS THE TITLE TRACK I KNOW YOUVE GOT HER SOMEWHERE
youruser jude and i love the alchemy the most out of all the songs and wanna keep her just ours for a little bit longer but maybe if you guys enjoy these songs i’ll let you have my baby
user4 YNAJDKJSKDKDIS
user5 WHATTTT songs did she not let jude hear omfg i need to know
youruser he’s heard them all except for daylight, paper rings & so high school lollll
judebellingham refreshing my spotify every minute til midnight you guys don’t understand she’s kept these songs in a VAULT
user6 jude i know you love spotify but apple music get new music 10 minutes early xxx
judebellingham just made an apple music account
user7 TEN MINS TIL THE ALBUM OF THE YEAR DROPS
taylorswift so so proud of you beautiful 🩷🩷
judebellingham I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH
judebellingham putting ALLLL of these on the pre-game playlist
youruser babe idk if some of these will pump you up before a game
judebellingham hearing your voice will pump me up idc how sad the song is xx
user8 why’s no one talking about how she’s in UNIVERSITY and dropped a FIFTEEN song album like …??? she’s INSANE. WHERE did she find the TIMEEE
user9 not to mention she lives with him in madrid and does school online coz her uni is in the uk
user10 she’s insane i don’t understand how😭😭
imessages !
instagram !
youruser just posted to their close friends story.
twitter !
instagram !
liked by judebellingham, trentarnold66, and others
youruser surprised my fav person in the uk for his england game and he scored for me 😆🩵🩵
view all comments
user1 she wrote “you know how to ball” and he said “yeah” then scored a goal and did a celebration for her😭
user2 zoom in on pic 6 and you’ll see me laying on the road waiting to be run over
judbellingham ‘unemployed girlfriend’ but you’re the greatest singer on earth while also doing online uni full time and you still make time to be able to come see me
youruser it’s coz i love you so so bad
jobebellingham you make me sick
youruser i love u too jobeyyyyyy
england our favourite visitor💙💙
user3 how does she do all this whilst going to uni😭😭😭
oliviarodrigo 💖💖💖
judebellingham I LOVVVEEEE YOUUUUU
user4 i NEED the top in pic 8 where is it from
youruser i found it on depop and HAD to buy it😭😭 i think someone made it x
chappellroan HOTTTTT (you not ur bf)
youruser I WOULD DIE FOR YOU MY WIFE💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓
user5 i don’t understand how you write sad songs like the ones on your album if ur ‘in love with jude’
user6 jude deserves better than someone who’s so caught up on and still writes songs about her exes
user7 WHYS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS SHE POSTED ON TWITTER IM GOJNG INSANE
user8 LITERALLY?/!;!!/;@:8@ LIKE ??????? “WHERES THE TROPHY? HE JUST COMES RUNNING OVER TO ME” IS SO JUDE CODED WHEN Y/N IS AT LITERALLY ANY OF HIS GAMES
user7 EXACTLYYYYY HE ALWAYSSS RUNS TO HER IMMEDIATELY AFTER HES ALLOWED TO DO HIS OWN THING. ITS FUCKING ADORABLE
user8 IM SO GLAD SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS ME
user7 were both insane let’s get married
user8 dm me right now wife
youruser liked the comments in this thread
imessages !
instagram !
liked by taylorswift, jobebellingham, and others
youruser lol little life update coz i’ve been m.i.a. for the last almost two months. 1: i went blonde again. 2: my man still as fine as ever. 3: got engaged or whatever lol. 4: slaying up exams. 5: i miss tour so i decided imma come back and see you all soon 🤭🤭 tour dates soon <3
ps in honour of becoming fiance or whatever🤗 the alchemy and 4 other songs are yours on the deluxe version of ‘the alchemy’ ,, out tonight !!!
view all comments
user1 WHAT THE FUCK
user2 GIRL LET US BREATHE
harrykane juudddeeeeee!!! congrats🥳❤️
declanrice mr bellingham that is a ROCK
user3 SHE DISAPPEARED FOR TWO MONTHS AND THEN CAME BACK AND DROPPED ALL OF RHAT ON HS
gracieabrams OMG WIFE IS GONNA BE A WIFE
user4 BLONDE YN IS BACK AND SHES A FIANCÉ OH MY GOD
judebellingham WIFE WIFE WIFE‼️‼️‼️
youruser not yet my love but so close🥰
judebellingham I CANT HEAR YOU MY WIFE IS AN ACADEMIC AND LYRICAL GENIUS
user5 she’s still writing break up and sad songs whilst engaged… so weird
user6 yeah and jude helps her,, he must be so disgusted right? seriously get a life and go touch grass
taylorswift so so happy for you 💓💓
youruser 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 i love you
user7 TOUR TOUR TOUR TOUR TOUR
england juddeeeeee💙 sooo happy for you two
trentarnold ❤️❤️❤️
user8 how girl just gonna casually drop a ENGAGEMENT announcement in the middle of a photo dump
user9 REALLLL LIKE THATS A BIG ASS RING TOO
noahkahanmusic YESSSSS🤍🤍🤍🤍
user10 HOWWWW is miss girl gonna find time in her schedule to do uni, make music, keep a healthy relationship, AND TOUR
judebellingham mrs*
#Spotify#jude#jude bellingham#bellingham#jb5#la liga#real madrid#england#nessa barrett#taylor swift#jude bellingham x reader#jude bellingham fluff#jude bellingham one shot#jude bellingham smash#smau#fluff#fanfic#jude bellingham x yn#bellingham fluff
76 notes
·
View notes
Note
Girlie (gn) you hate Maeve? You have good taste I see, I fucking hated her (well strongly disliked but still) mary sue is such a perfect term, she was just boring and I feel Spencer felt so wet and weepy with her
i don't hate maeve so much as i hate the maeve plotline! i think strongly dislike is a really good phrase to use when talking about my feelings towards maeve's character.
as a character, she's super flat and one dimensional. i think she and spencer were "together" for eight months(?) and the episode where you learn the most about her is the one where she fucking dies. i've spent all day thinking about this and im beginning to think that part of the reason why she is a mary sue is that spencer tends to put people he cares about on pedestals and ignores their flaws.
and youre like "what flaws does she have if you barely know anything about her" and okay i'll tell you:
b-12 and magnesium as a treatment for migraines is fucking insane. i'm not saying it couldn't work, but all through season 6 (re: 6x12 "corazon") spencer is seeing doctors and anyone who has ever dealt with a fuckass chronic disease/illness will tell you that a blood panel like that would be one of the first steps in reaching a diagnosis!!!
why on god's green earth would you have a stalker, be dating an fbi agent, and not let your fbi agent boyfriend help you? i have been stalked before!!!! it's not fun!!!!! i'd take all the help i could've gotten at the time. this has always rubbed me the wrong way because oh my god the solution was right there the whole time. he could have protected you! he would have protected you!
i know they weren't technically doctor/patient but there is still some weird power dynamic in their relationship that gives me the ick. other than they're smart and they read, they really dont have much in common.
their relationship to me is equivalent to the girl i dated online after we met through percy jackson fan accounts. i.e. not really a relationship. most of their interaction was off screen and i think that did a huge detriment to the plot.
in the end, i think the maeve storyline and 8x12 "zugzwang" is a hard watch. i can't take it seriously. i'd skip it, but then i'd miss so much blake content (and hotch looks so good in that episode sorry spencer) (not into the fuckass bob in season 8). at the same time, i know it was like... mgg's idea and i'm pretty sure he's friends with beth riesgraf. (he loves to traumatize himself idk). but the whole thing gets messier when you think about the implications left by 14x15 "truth or dare" and the abhorrent jeid plot in season 15 where it's insinuated that spencer has been in love with jj for fifteen years (zoinks) and it's like what about maeve??? i don't know man (gn) i could go on for hours about this
that being said, i see a lot of people not liking the actress who plays maeve. i am telling you that it had to have been the writing or the directing in the episodes because beth riesgraf is incredible. she played a character named parker in the tv show leverage (one of my favorite tv shows of all time) and let me tell you That Is Her Role.
jesus this was long i had more to say than i thought sorry thank you anon
48 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hello. Okay, so I'm going to start this off with 'this might be an crazy thing to ask'.
I just saw your post from January about Nana Shimura, and I feel like I'm insane.
I'm legitimately not trying to be belligerent here, but can you please explain to me, in your opinion, why you think that it is Nana's fault for anything that has happened in relation to her? I'm just trying to understand, because I don't see how anything could necessarily be her fault solely. Specifically when talking about the 'creation' of Tomura.
If AFO had wanted to get his hands on someone from that bloodline, if only to be a bastard or whether it was for an actual reason, he would have done it regardless of what Nana's choices would have been.
And I can't help but notice the fact that all of this skips an entire generation. Everyone is so quick to blame Nana for doing what humans do, I.E. having a husband and a child, and I feel I'm not really qualified to speak on that front because I never have wanted children and I don't foresee that changing at this ripe old age I'm at, so I'm not even going to go into whether or not I think it was wrong of her to have a family.
I just find it very interesting that people are blaming Nana for something that happened literal years after her own physical death. Things that happened at the hands of her own son. Things that would have never happened had it not been for her son, that she had no part in.
It's just that the way I see it, that man had years upon years to come to terms with what his mother had done in order to protect him, but in the end he failed anyway. Whether he knew it or not he failed more than his own mother did. He failed and he gave his fucking own child over to this horrible person, and he couldn't have been completely ignorant of that, let's be honest. Whether or not what she did was the right choice, Nana gave him up for a reason, and the fact that he couldbut possibly put himself in his mother's shoes, after how many years? Is more telling of him than it is of her.
Even if what Nana did wasn't the right choice, then what WAS the right choice? How was there a wrong or a right choice when you could never possibly predict the outcomes of whatever you chose to do? In my opinion, people are trying to pin everything on Nana when all she was doing was doing the best she could with what she was given, and I think that's unfair and stupid.
I haven't been following you for long, but I've seen your posts for quite a while, so I actually do respect your opinion, which is why I am asking you.
I really don't like the way Horikoshi writes women as a whole in this particular story, and I don't know if that's a track record of his or if this is his only work or whatever, I don't really pay attention to that sort of thing. And that's a whole other post for another time. But I just find it really weird that everyone seems to be coming after Nana while simultaneously defending her son, when her own son is the one who is committing these atrocities long after she is dead?I find it very weird indeed.
Sorry for the long post, I have far too many feelings about MHA.
First of all, sorry for taking so long to answer and thank you for taking the time to write this ask 💜
Nana Shimura is one of my favorite bnha female characters because of how complex and flawed she is!!!
Here's the short answer:
Regardless of the actions of the people around her, Nana Shimura had a responsibility with her son as a mother and with the world as a hero.
We all have to make decisions without knowing the outcomes. That's life. It doesn't absolve us from the consequences of our actions. It also doesn't mean we are evil, but simply human. It is in our nature to make mistakes and make bad decisions sometimes.
It seems extremely harsh to judge a woman for doing her best against an enemy that was so much stronger than her, but that's the whole point of writing a character like Nana. There are no easy answers.
What was the correct thing to do instead of abandoning Kotaro? How could she have won against AFO? How could one (1) woman do both and do it well?
Nana isn't responsible for what Kotaro did so many years after she left him, but she did leave him. She had a son and then left him because she needed to be a hero. We don't know the exact circumstances of how she had Kotaro, but many fans ask why she had him if she knew her hero job would put him at such risk. Or why she chose to be a hero over being his mother.
Logically, we know it was to save the world. It's just that her choice isn't black and white. She caused a lot of pain in doing what she did, even if she contributed to a lot of joy.
AFO defeating her was inevitable. Like her OFA predecessors, they were alone on their journey. See, it took Deku an army to fight AFO and his influence.
There's also the fact that Nana took Toshinori in after she left Kotaro. Of course she only did it because the kid meant to sacrifice himself for the cause just like her, but it doesn't erase the parallel between Toshinori and Kotaro. One got to enjoy her company until she died because he had the right conditions to be her heir while the other lost her forever because she loved him.
Sadly, her love didn't save Kotaro and didn't make All Might's life easier.
Any person with responsibilities is a person with failures. That rings true for every single bnha hero and villain.
The way I see it, people either have a reason to hate her or not.
Some dislike her 'cause she left Kotaro. Some are unreadable in their judgment and hate her just because she is a woman. Some just dislike her general writing or don't enjoy her type of character.
At the end of the day, Nana Shimura is still a tremendous female character. She inspired All Might himself (he who is hailed as the best hero of all times). She faced AFO alone and she died mocking him with a smile. She sacrificed her happiness and all the things dear to her in order to save the world. Nana passed down OFA and kept hope alive in a time full of violence and chaos. She is one of the best female pro-heroes to have existed and the only female OFA user. He was freaking jacked with muscle because her quirk was float.
Her flaws depict her greatness and the weight on her shoulders. Nana Shimura, everyone.
#shan's asks#bnha#mha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#nana shimura
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
re: my last post
#LIKE????? HELLO?????? CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME#THE G R I P HE HAS ON HER ARM????? THE STARE???????? i’m ill#jal make me SO UNWELL#like ok we get it you’d do anything for each other. jesus christ#jay and his ten second long intense stare into his best friends face like they are INSUFFERABLE. I HATE THEM#descendants#descendants 3#jal#why am i so fucking insane. what is wrong with me
60 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m like Johnny Truant in the tags of every goddamn post I make or reblog on this site and I’m not apologizing. If you want me to apologize come over to my house and you can talk to the minotaur about it
#House of leaves#im literally going insane these days I should go back to journaling but I’m also afraid of how far off the deep end I’ll go#Literally I am losing it and I’m being serious#I’m so fucking tired of being lonely and being left out and not being able to make connections#Sometimes I feel as if im doing things without realizing and no one is telling me about it#Other times it feels like I must have something incredibly wrong with my face or body and no one will say anything#People make plans and don’t bother to ask me if I want to join and then when I find out there’s a group chat that all my friends are in#Except me and when I asked if I could join I was given a bunch of reasons that were frankly bullshit why I couldn’t join#Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger#Am I just a stranger in this world as I unllikeable? I try my best to be nice and charitable but what am I missing?#Do I black out and say things and do things? Am I more mentally ill than I know?#The only reason (or one of the very few) why I stay alive is because of my horses because I know they would miss me and I already feel bad#Not seeing them everyday#I’m tired of being the odd one out I’m tired of being entertaining when necessary#I don’t want my only friends to be horses because it further alienates me from the rest of society and I just want to be accepted I’m not#Looking to fit in I just want connection and friendship and I can barely seem to manage that#Maybe I’m just not worth it.
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think I'm going insane. Lately my dreams have been so mundane, it wouldn't be weird if I wasn't just a person that has nightmares 80% of the time, so I now my dreams are so hard to distinguish from reality.
I wouldn't be able tell what was real from what not if it wasn't because last night I went to my doctor's appointment and I was handed new glasses by Harvey just to go back home and find out Laois was cooking something in my backyard.
#to be fair. in my dream i was back at my old house. so the horrors where there still#also i've been dreaming about my dog. but sometimes it's not him. it's other dog trying to replace him. but it's not him. i miss him dearly#but it's... weird. i never actually dream with characters either. something strange is going on#I've been telling my brother i wake up and i have to remember who i am#for the totally normal dreams. it's like my soul is divided and it's living somewhere else for the night#who is the person i am when i dream. because it's not me. it's a whole different live. whole different people around me. I'm going insane#there's such a strange feeling about it. it's familiar? it's comfortable?#which only makes it even more weird. why is a life so different to mine feel so comfortable...#to the point i wake up and i don't remember who i am for at least ten minutes#but then i forget what i had dreamt about. and then i go around my day randomly reminding things. then that's when i realize those memories#were actual dreams#i should write a fanfic about this lmao#it was a nice dream though. i remember vividly i was sitting in one of those chairs thingies that hang in the air?#and i was swinging happily. i think Laios was talking about where he got whatever the fuck he was cooking. i couldn't understand him really.#he wasn't speaking in spanish but it wasn't english either. i think it was a made up gibberish... I'm still baffled by how comfortable i was#i think there were friends around too. maybe a hangout was going on? everything was nice. it reminds me of the times#i would go eat at a friend's house. but things felt a lot nicer. it was like if time had stopped and nothing wrong could ever happen.#and even then. i was still there. which i think that's why i started to feel dizzy in my little swing. i ended up waking up from that.#i still get dizzy remembering it.#welp. I hope i don't lose myself tonight...#I don't actually know what's worse. the nightmares are common. they are familiar. there's comfort in knowing what to expect.#but “good” dreams like that... i end up thinking about them too much. the residual feeling is weirder#and i have to deal with the whole different layer that is.. there's was a fucking anime guy there. kill me. kill me. get him OUT of my brain#I'm not lying when I say I can physically feel Laios rearranging my brain in ways i will not share publicly#kill me.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Whenever this gets brought up my mom always says "aw I know how you feel I have body dysmorphia too :(" bro I don't have body dysmorphia I know I'm skinny and most of the time I like how I look that's not even the problem so literally just stop brining it up constantly
#i know shes trying to help but Im just annoyed#it was 6 MONTHS AGO Im fine you dont have to act like Im fucking insane#'I just cant believe youd tell a stranger over me I must be doing something wrong' IT WAS A DOCTOR#and yes youre doing a lot of stuff wrong but thats not why I didnt tell you#so calm down#literally all teenagers keep stuff from their parents#am i supposed to go to you and say omg mom Im fucking depressed and dont want to eat#like?? what do you expect#and the doctor TOLD YOU its not helpful to say that you have body dysmorphia too because telling me that does nothing except piss me off#god I fixed everything it was 6 months ago Im literally fine#Okay I do appreciate my mom trying to help I guess I just had to get that out of my system#but whenever my mom and dad talk with me I know my dad is telling the truth when he says you can talk to me about anything and tell us what#we're doing wrong#but my mom is such a liar because anytime anyone tells her something she takes it so fucking personal and then plays the victim while#simultaneously telling the person that theyre playing the victim???
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
The people that have abandoned me really need to stop talking to me like they have any right to tell me what to do, or I swear to God, I'm gonna get the FUCKING hammer.
#inspired by my bitch of a mother sending me a text that basically said u need to get ur life together#as i always say! LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE!#this woman's life is a dumpster fire#and she specifically said 'i won't financially support u. i'll always be there for u but that's a conditional statement'#which is INSANE because that don't make no sense AND she has NEVER financially supported me? genuinely why does she think she has any#fucking right...😭😭😭#meanwhile. my dad. during the shitstorm that has been my family's existence lately. is being way more lax about me getting a job and moving#out than he has been in the past. because some fucks despite being shitheads aren't total assholes#this post is also inspired by my insufferable sister who fucked off to another fucking continent when i was 7 and treats me...well. exactly#how u would expect an upper middle class dumb jock to treat her awesome nerd little brother. and is always telling me i'm making#the wrong fucking decisions and judging me.#these ppl r so funny bc they think this is normal and that i will endure it bc the power of love or what the fuck ever. wrong! i have been#on the brink of cutting off my entire family since i was fourteen. now that i actually have the power to do some cutting off i'll be honest#i feel pretty great#it is all of course a horrible nightmare and i wish things were different etc etc etc. but in the words of supernatural. i was always going#to end up here.#while i am thinking about such things what's my other sister's deal? she has not reached out to me for years. it was like i turned 18 and#she was like ok who cares abt this dude now#which was incredibly bizarre and makes me feel like a stupid idiot who did something wrong but i know i didn't. and she was always the most#supportive of my siblings. i don't know what her problem is#in her defense her life has been weird lately. but 'lately' has lasted long enough that it's just her life now. and whenever i try to be th#one to reach out she basically gives me...nothing.#while i am thinking about such things i will acknowledge the slays. my one totally kickass sister who is the only other one of my siblings#who understands anything. i am rly grateful for her and she has been so good to me for so long especially during the recent shitstorm#she is moving very far away and that has brought up my abandonment issues but i genuinely am so happy for her and her family and she is ver#adamant about me visiting and PAYING for the visit (or at least doing the scamming that pays for the visit so i don't have to pay lol) and#making sure i'll be ok.#it's not all bad! i am going to be ok! there r so many people in my life who love me and love me in a way that makes sense to me and doesn'#make me feel like the world's worst man#personal log
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.
#purrs#the premises of counseling / therapy are that you need to have boundaries and be self sufficient and fully healed. FUCK THAT! relationships#are not transactions. we are allowed to need each other. we are allowed to blur lines. we are human and messy. our thoughts and feelings are#PRECIOUS. im not letting go of my thoughts they mean EVERYTHING to me they are the key to the WORLD. im not letting go of redacted why on#EARTH would i stop redacteding to redacted that is HELPFUL for me. i don’t CARE about the roots. who the fuck is it hurting????? NO ONE!!!!!#the way he flat out told me he agrees with my mom. bitch im done forever. im done literaly forever. i don’t know how to tell him but im done#forever. maybe it’s just my id which is what he said to me LMFAO and like maybe i just don’t like being uncomfortable or facing hard truths.#but i don’t fucking think it’s TRUE!!!!!!!!!! yeah i need to grow yeah i have unhealthy behaviors. but i don’t need to let go of the whole#THING bc of some arbitrary transactional concept of what relationships are supposed to be / mean. ive NEVER had a counselor try to uproot th#the whole damn thing like omg what is WRONG with you. i#im paying this man $25 a week to UNDERSTAND me and not ONCE have i felt understood by him. counselors can disagree with me but i literally#never feel like he is on my side. he’s adhering to conventional ideas about what parents are supposed to be and friends are supposed to be a#and work is supposed to be etc etc. and so patronizingly said just enjoy being 23 you don’t wanna waste your 20s! FUCK YOU. i will not#regret anything even if it’s unusual. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!#and also i know he probably watches back thru the recordings and has like his supervisor and professors watch them too which means that#there is a whole team of scientists + my family studying me in a lab and thinking im insane and finding ways to tell me. but fucking bold of#him to assume he can give me any meaningful valuable insight when he is actively checking his laptop / phone during our sessions and rarely#if eve gives me a chance to drive MY OWN CONVERSATION THAT IM PAYING FOR and is so phony abt being on the recording. like Omg. maybe im just#grown out of it. it fucking SUCKS bc i actually have things i am not normal about and really need help with and i can’t actually get help fr#from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effective#effectively told him that and he responded that he can’t take that credibly bc there’s no action behind it BY WHICH HE MEANS I HAVENT#STOPPED REDACTEDING TO ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REDACTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE? THAT I HAVENT DECIDED IM DONE LEARNING SND GROWING AND CUT IT#OFF?????? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. INSANE. the ANTITHESIS of human. we are MEANT TO BE CONNECTED. FUCK!!!!!!!!!#delete later#my old counselors challenged me and disagreed with me b it i never felt like they flat out were unwilling to meet me where i am and#compromise with me. is that not what counselors are supposed to do???? or have i just had bad counselors until now??? because im NORMAL. i#swear to fucking god. im normal. im literally normal and it is not doing ANYONE harm. what is wrong with you. GOD
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
went from having an ok day to having a terrible day this is awesome guys wow
#❄.txt#got so panicked from seeing my biggest trigger that i left a server and now im scared to rejoin#do i really want to be in that server? no not really i dont like several of the people there and every single time ive tried to talk there#its gone wrong and i just ended up muting the server and not talking there at all because it made me insanely uncomfortable#'theseus then why the fuck do u wanna rejoin' bc one of my friends + someone i wish i had the confidence to befriend are in there and i#wanna be able to talk to them#'well were u actually talking in there' hell no i felt Terrified of that server#is being in that server worth it just to talk to this one person more?? hell if i know#currently i think it is but also i think im having a panic attack?? i feel Sick and my hands are Shaking#it also feels like im kinda in Shock currently which cant be good but yknow what do i nose /ref#if i had the confidence to just actually talk to the person i wanna talk to then none of this wouldve happened. unfortunately i am a Coward#also if discord allowed me to mute words like i can on tumblr. once again this wouldnt have happened#why was i cursed with Exomemories this is terrible#im also in another server with the person but it never talks there so do i just suck it up and rejoin the server i left??#or what if i just exploded into a billion pieces and died forever i think that would work /j
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
ummmm...venting *sigh*
#okay so uhhhh#i was doing dishes#and yesterday i kinda told myself i wanna give up trying to be happier again#or at all#because its making my brain go absolutely fucking insane trying to understand why. Im like this at least for ghe past 6 years#i kinda realized today first off im not sad. im not. rlly depressed or anything but ofc sometimes but in General No i am not sad.#i am just. here. and not in an empty way (but ofc i have my episodes sometimes)#i am vibing.#so like im fine right. but i ask myself after i go thru a massive mental cycle of questioning whats going on in my life#“my life is so. empty why is it so empty im bored its quiet nothing is happening”....#and yeah nothing is happening and. its not sometbing wrong im doing. im not focusing too much on this. im not living life wrong.#its not a routine or a way of life i need to adapt#i think i just had a sudden realization that my life is just so quiet#these past few years have been so quiet and its cuz of me going thru this transitional period and also going from hs to uni#highschool in general i had so many friends and lots of classes. i had robin 2 minutes away. now shes 1 hour away#uni i dont talk to anyone. i hsve like one class per day. workload is harder and i have no friends and worse social anxiety#im also coming back from thr pandemic#so not only is it because of massive changes in everyday life that cause my life to be more. silent#but its also that alot of the stuff i was going thru snd fixating on since grade 11#stripped me of my hobbies and everyday pleasures#my favorite youtubers and writing poetry everyday. fuck i used to draw so often#the movies and tv shows id watch. everything all of that is gone because i was. Tending to this one extremely sad and heartbreaking goal#which i dnt wanna discuss#butnim glad its over now.#so now im left in this new period of my lifr where im an adult and life is more empty and less.....On the run. and i lost everything#outside of me that made me happy#so maybe i do go thru depressive episodes and stuff but in a general sense. these r why my life is rhe way that it is i thought i was doing#something wrong for so long but im not#i used to wake up at 6am everyday. now i wake up later most days...#i think i just need to ask myself. do i lean into this silence or change it. Whatever.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#damien.txt#venting abt personal life in the tags lol sorry new followers <3<3#ahhHHHHHHHHHHH why must sleeping be so hard#i cannot for the life of me figure out what the fuck has gone wrong or how to fix it#but here i am AGAIN at 5:30 a.m. contemplating pulling an all-nighter bc i could not sleep#and i just. am possibly going a little bit insane#bc i hate this. it feels awful. (whoa no way not getting enough sleep feels bad? who would have guessed-)#the answer at this point is probably medical intervention#and by medical intervention i mean i need to go to the store and pick up melatonin gummies lol#i am just a broke college student tho man... funding the inevitable melatonin addiction will SUCK#addiction is a strong word to use here. i just know i will want to use it every night if it works#which is like the intended usage but still. that shit gets expensive#anyways i wish having insomnia or something insomnia adjacent was actually cool and fun and edgy#and not just like. being on the verge of tears as you lay down in bed with a headache#but you literally cannot stop thinking and moving around long enough to fall asleep#my thoughts aren't even that bad they are just constant and i would like them to shut up pls <3#ok i am done ranting lmaoo this is like the 4th rant abt sleep problems ive done on tumblr#maybe i need to like. fix this lol
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
hi personal preference if u ship karai and leo i do not want u here … it’s straight up incest bro YUCK
#🦑misc#am i like insane ?!?!? bc the show acts like it’s ok WHEN ITS SUPER FUCKING WEIRD#leo PLEEEEASSSSE stop crushing on ur SISTER WHAT IS WRONG WITH U#GENUINELY ITS SO UNCOMFORTABLE KARAI U DONT DESERVE THIS 💔💔💔#tmnt 2012#u do not know how passionate i am abt this#it bothers me. SO MYCH#2012 is hell WHY does my brain keep eating it up#like there’s literal dookie on my plate.
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
ughh SORRY BUT I HAVE TO SAY IT the people you meet in engineering are just by and large so unpleasant I hate it here
#DONT get me wrong there are at least three very cool eng students here#but fuckign. come on we have to admit it. the structure of the program makes you worse and more annoying#out of stress out of competitiveness whatever#yknow what I’ve never heard in english class or art club? earnest discussions of crypto#elon musk fangirling#clique-forming based on whether you have a fucking pilot’s license#using gay as an insult like it’s 2014#physical assault#etc#christ be normal for a bit!! talk about something that doesn’t make me wanna kill myself!#tbh think the issue might be that smart mean rich kids either go into mech/elec or medicine#and there’s nowhere else in the country for aero freaks to go so they all end up here. revving their audis at 10pm and cutting off busses#no joke every few months I’m like huh I should try to make friends in this program. and I go to a social event or talk to someone or w/e#and then I remember that they are not fun to hang out with because I don’t invest or like cars or want a plane or drink#and I am not willing to sit thru that discussion until someone brings up something more interesting. usually there isn’t anything#see our capstone group works bc it’s full of adhd bitches. today we talked about eggs for an hour#ughhhhh. genuinely I think it’s weird how many ppl don’t have hobbies beyond gaming drinking and investing and I fundamentally can’t get#along with them and that’s why all the cool engineers are found in art club#or maybe I’m just insane and annoying who knows
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
..... so i’ll be taking 8467747846 business days to recover from this
#googie 🐰#what in the actual fucking world#yesterday night was... yeah#i think it was past 2 am here when he decided to post that#and i went to bed at 5 something after having 3?ish breakdowns 💀#i actually cried so much that i ended up having a migraine. wow. something’s definitely wrong with me.#well i’m probably insane at this point tbh so that is definitely an explanation🧍🏽♀️#today i haven’t been able to do anything without losing concentration every 5 seconds#this goddamn video is replaying in my mind non-stop and oh god i hate it 😭#never thought i’d say this but jeon jungkook... i really hate you rn#i really went through 25 stages of grief for this man#why did he do that?? is my mental health a joke 😔#i’m still feeling so many emotions about this jungkook all over my body and i’m mad :')#why must i suffer always#can he like 😔 let me live for once 😞?#i’m in so much pain i can’t explain
11 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
saltamiya
Saltamiya
right-on-the-money
Battle of wits | Create a place through shapes and shades
oozingtodo
if you'll excuse me . . .
bee-writes-n-spins
꧁•⊹٭𝕓𝕖𝕖 𝕨𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕤٭⊹•꧂
