hi personal preference if u ship karai and leo i do not want u here … it’s straight up incest bro YUCK

jersey boys weekend was....insane. which like obvs i expected but it was far more insane than i couldve predicted in the best possible way. more under the cut.

i think imma just let out a stream of consciousness that ill keep chronological as best i can

- its always hard to say if ill cry or not cuz sometimes i do sometimes i dont even with really really special things. admittedly, i was even more vulnernable bc when we got in friday night, there was an issue with our tix. they were supposed to be in the pit but the pit had been removed bc of covid. they had called me last june about changing my pit tix for saturday matinee but never addressed friday even tho they knew i had tix for multiple shows. given that was last june, naturally i forgot about it, so i never reached out to them or anything. so they just had to....find other seats for us. i was really confused and not sure if we were gonna get moved or something. admittedly tho, that still counts as “emotions being impacted by jersey boys” so. hey. but i was definitely also vulnerable out of excitement, i was feeling that all day.

anyway. yah. i fucking sobbed when ces soirees la started, even into silhouettes. like not just tears streaming down my face but like vocal, guttural sobbing. which admittedly isnt that appropriate in a theater, thats more of a concert thing, but i couldnt control myself. regardless it was euphoric. you have no idea how many times i have envisioned that moment in my head for the last TWO YEARS. it may have been slightly disrupted and i was a bit distracted, but i was definitely still able to be present in the moment to some extent.

- every. last. second. not only was just so perfectly written, paced, and acted, but felt so connected to who i am and what i love. not to say i didnt already know i felt that way about the show, but it had been so long. nearly twice as long as the longest id gone without seeing the show before (since i fell in love with it that is). not to mention weve all changed a lot over the last 2 years and im sure most can say they hold the things they love to an even higher value now, especially if those were things they couldn’t experience during quarantine.

- there was new dialogue between frankie and mary?? about knowing each other in high school?? not sure when that was added or why but my mom and i looked at each other like ???? that HAS to be really new cuz i listen to the jersey boys podcast and they havent mentioned it, and i feel like they would if they knew about it

- frankie valli is a short king. dont know how ive never said this before.

- gyp had a really good my mothers eyes cry and i grade gyps on that lol

- im starting to realize that i go ape is kind of a bop. is that bad.

- my dad came to saturday matinee. he hadnt seen the show before, id shown him the movie twice but he couldnt get that into it. but i think it finally clicked. i didnt get my hopes too high, i was sure enough he wouldnt hate it but if he just liked it ok that wouldve been enough. but he kept saying it was “awesome.” i heard him laughing at a number of jokes and i know he loved the music. he had to leave right after so i havent gotten much time to hear all of his thoughts but im def gonna call him soon to hear more.

- OKAY so after saturday matinee, we went to the stage door cuz i wanted pics with the tour buses. turned out, they were just all white but THE CAST WAS THERE. i didnt really know what to do since i know some places discourage stage dooring given the pandemic so i was just like as considerate as i could be but they were super chill, and i got pics with a ton of them + autographs??? normally i rehearse what ill say to actors in my head first and i did a bit leading up to this weekend, but i was pretty sure it wasnt even gonna happen, and in this case, i got no advance notice, i just had to jump right into it. they were just...THERE. so its safe to say i was a bit rambly and probably not saying exactly what i intended too but i also beat myself up too much in those situations a lot. they were all SO nice. i was so so so so happy and excited cuz i mean stage dooring is always exciting and more so for this show but the fact that it happened WHEN I WASNT EVEN EXPECTING IT TO. i was coming unglued looking forward to the show alone and then i got THIS on top of it. i wouldve been over the moon meeting just ONE cast member but i met a TON????

worth noting, one of the people i met was katie goffman who was doves cher understudy in clueless the musical!! i had been excited when she was announced for the touring cast back in late 2019 i think? so im so glad she was still in the cast and that i got to meet her.

i also got to meet kevin patrick martin again who id seen on tour and seen and met at 54 below both in 2018. i remembered him being super nice and he was super nice this time around too. more on him later.

also met the actors who played tommy, joey, crewe, and gyp

- my best friend @wander--meets--world came saturday night, also not having seen the show, just the movie. again, if she just liked it ok, that wouldve been more than enough, i couldnt really say for sure if itd be her thing or not. but she really liked it!! and had so many thoughts to share that we got to talk about at intermission and afterwards!!! over the years, ive had so few people to talk about this show with. i usually just rely on my mom who is great but i cant yknow meme with her fdhgjlkjd. jessica’s familiar with p much all my other main fandoms so we can discuss them, but we hadnt been able to discuss this, which is majorly high on the list. so the fact that we can now makes me sososososo happy.

it was also the first time wed seen each other in person in 2 years?? weve never gone anywhere near that long without seeing each other in the 15 years weve known each other?? and what better thing for us to have been doing than this. we also listened to plastic hearts, went to our fav italian place downtown, went to the 24 hour baskin robbins after the show, and watched cr1tikal in her car. ideal saturday night.

- after that saturday night show, we met a few more cast members, most notably jon hacker who was frankie, who id seen in newsies 7 years ago at the same venue, + as joey at new world stages in 2018, at 54 below a few months later, and then as frankie at new world stages the day after that. met him all those times except when he was joey. i had been so excited that he was a part of the touring cast and im so glad i got to meet him, and we talked for a while! he had such thoughtful responses to everything i had to say. and his poor voice was so gone, he left it all on the floor. (luckily he had a day off today which he deserved lol)

that night, i also met the guy who played nick (who today i realized played gerry when i saw beautiful three years ago and i met him then too lol???) and 2 of the girls who were also super sweet. plus i saw some of the same people from the afternoon again.

- then we had our final matinee this afternoon. we had a different frankie which was very exciting. ofc i love jon but i also love getting to see understudies, especially when youre seeing the show that many times in a row lol. katie was also on and she told me later it was her first time on this year, and i also found out it was her and her husband’s (who plays tommy) first time in the show together!

met that frankie at the stage door plus eric (bob) who id really hoped to meet (he was the only season i hadnt met yet, last piece of the puzzle!) and antonio (barry belson). antonio omgomgomg he was so good in the show so i was so excited to meet him and he gave me a hug??? and i told him like specific inflections of his i liked in the show and he was so touched and impressed that i noticed that??

over the course of making stories and posts on insta, multiple cast members have watched my story, responded to my story, liked my post, commented on my post, and now devon and kevin FOLLOW ME???? HELLO????

im truly just over the moon. again, i knew this weekend would be amazing but SO much more came out of it than i was expecting. like i said, seeing the show was more than enough. even if i only saw it once it wouldve been. but getting to be a crazy superfan and see it so many times was so...validating?? and it was fun to pay attention to more minor details. but then on top of that, the experiences with the cast were remarkable.

it was a little adventure. it felt kind of like the clueless trip (tho i think thatll always take the cake, both for the pure chaos of it all and the unique experience). still, it had the same vibe which felt so good, especially having not felt something like that in so long.

i waited three years for this. eagerly anticipating it to no end and having to deal with it being postponed twice. but it gave me everything i couldve wanted and then some.

rounds 13-16 complete.

for the character ask...OUR FAV BOY LIU SANG

(*´∇｀*)/💖

i had to come answer this one bc!! my son!!!! aaaaaaahhhh!!!!!! so thank you sob now i can talk about my second sour grape boy,,, wait. ok well, hissy kitten  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  spot the difference (you can’t)

give me a character

(placing this one under a cut too bc oh boy. i have things to say about liu sang)

How I feel about this character

Good lord. I feel so many ways about Liu Sang. He is absolutely amazing but he also just drives me insane every day. No other character has ever given me such headaches, he must be proud. Finally someone suffers as much as him (because I bet those ears cause him a permanent migraine). I feel sorry for him. I’ll take this pain gladly if it helps him in any way. 

But well. As simply as with Jiang Cheng, I do love Liu Sang. I shouldn’t really be surprised (at this point) that I fell in love with him but back when I was watching Reboot, he hit me like a truck. Which,,, he probably drove that truck himself, judging from the way he was handling the car chase with Jiang Zisuan. Just ruthlessly drove me over. I never stood a chance, not in front of that arrogance and stubbornness and enormous puppy eyes. 

And with all of himself, good and bad, he makes me feel so many things. One of those, probably the strongest one, is protectiveness. He needs someone to protect him from himself because he has a nasty self-destruction streak going. Boy has not known love since he was born. He has gone through way too much to try handle it alone. I can’t even remember how old he is supposed to be in Reboot (maybe 29?), but that is way too many years of fighting a battle he was never supposed to win. But he pulled through. Cynical and prickly and absolutely terrified of any human contact but he fucking pulled through. I want to fight some battles for him now. He deserves to rest. He deserves some peace and quiet and unconditional care. I want to tell him that he doesn’t deserve all the pain he’s going through, all the pain he himself is putting his body through because he thinks he can only be used as a punching bag. I want to tell him he deserves friends. I want to tell him that it’s okay to trust people again. I want to... just protect him. And maybe this is why – because of all this fragile mess I’ve discovered from inside of him while trying to figure out who he is – I struggle so much with writing him. I feel like I’m bringing up things no one is supposed to see. I feel like I’m pulling out words from him like teeth. But at the same time, I know he’s desperate to tell these things. 

So I struggle because I love him. Willingly. But oh boy does he annoy me sometimes, under all that protectiveness and fondness I have for him.  

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I am quite sure at this point that I don’t really ship Liu Sang with anyone. No one clicks with him in my head so well that I could feel myself slipping into the proper shipping territory. But I haven’t minded any of the ships I’ve seen for him, not Pingxiesang (which makes me super soft) or him with Kanjian (which is so sweet) or even @kholran’s pool noodle Risang (which is very interesting and I will read your fic, friend, when I am out of my Pingxie pit! I just need to feed these beasts first). I am mostly just very intrigued by all these ships people come up with because it really plays to my wish to just explore his dynamic with every other character that is available for him. 

But to put it simply: Not one perfect match exists for him yet in my head. Let’s give boy some time to figure out freindships first. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Well, this one I love because! This is what he is all about for me, somehow. So I will mention three: Xiaoge, Bai Haotian, and Pangzi. 

First, like I already mentioned in my Xiaoge answer, I adore Liu Sang’s dynamic with his ouxiang. They are both so damn awkward. I feel like I’m following a train wreck happening in slow motion any time I see them interact but instead of death and flames and screeching metal, it’s. surprisingly soft and sweet? They are both very tentative when it comes to people so they somehow get each other? Even if Liu Sang is a mess when it comes to Xiaoge which I totally get because I have once in my life met a person I consider a celebrity and who I look up to a lot and I was just shaking. And giggling. And acting dumbly. So I don’t blame Liu Sang for any of that; I’m actually quite proud that he’s keeping his cool so well and despite the rough start, manages to be a huge asset to his ouxiang. I am so happy that he gets to have this budding friendship with Xiaoge because they both need it.

Then! Bai Haotian. I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately and the more I rewatch some of their scenes together, the more I notice that they really develop a bond during Reboot. They are in a very similar position: brought in because of their idols, young, sometimes overlooked, struggling, and usually falling behind. And oh, definitely in need of some saving and with tragic backstories. They could be such amazing friends, and I think they come to trust and care for each other during their trip to Thunder City. Bai Haotian is so caring by nature and then Liu Sang is just right there. And Bai Haotian is so lowkey about her care; she doesn’t push if people don’t want her to, which works so well for Liu Sang. She’s there when needed. She doesn’t ask too much. She knows how it feels to look up to one of the members of the Iron Triangle and then curl your own life around them. (She also knows how it feels to have a crush on that same member and then notice that crush will never lead you anywhere, though I guess Bai Haotian comes to realize that during their trip instead of years before but well, details.) She doesn’t judge Liu Sang and somehow Liu Sang comes to rely on her a lot. 

And last but not least (never the least!): Pangzi. God I adore these two to bits. Their banter is just *chef’s kiss* and when I look at them, all I can think about is a big dog trying to pat a hissing kitten with its paw. Which then turns to the kitten play fighting the dog’s big paw. And then getting tired. And falling asleep. While the huge dog just curls its body around the kitten to keep it warm, and maybe the kitten swats at the dog slightly for show but actually it enjoys it. Because it’s nice and soft and very warm. So yes, I love it how Pangzi and Liu Sang start off as enemies but come to care for each other. I cry about the peanut scene every day. Yes please adopt this poor stray kitten, he deserves a loving home ;; Give him food and a blanket and maybe he will hiss a little less (Pangzi also gives great hugs and Liu Sang deserves a dozen. For starters.) 

My unpopular opinion about this character

Once again I am at a loss with this. I don’t really know what this fandom thinks about Liu Sang? I feel like our tiny Liu Sang hyping corner here on tumblr is very much unified with the opinions. We all love him a lot and want the best for him, case closed. So maybe I’ll just talk about my hypersensitivity headcanon for him? Let me do that for fun haha

So, I know he’s sensitive to sounds. Understandable, with his skills. And I feel bad for him for that because it must be horrible at times (we get introduced to him through him vomiting because he can’t handle a train station with all the noise, christ) but I also somehow relate to that. I get sensitive to sounds sometimes too. A simple click of my mouse can be annoying at times. I require absolute silence quite often, and this intensifies if my emotions are on the negative side. So, somehow I’m taking things from that. Touch hurts when he’s feeling bad about himself. Noises annoy him when he’s angry or scared. Lights look too bright or he feels like he can’t focus his gaze when he’s sad or panicking. Smells and tastes are intensified when he’s stressed. I dunno, just simple little things. Him feeling through his senses. Him just generally being sensitive with his feelings because this world is a demanding place and pushes you into feeling things. And I feel like a lot about him is already tied to his hearing so why not his feelings too? I’ve read so many nice takes on him which somehow support this so I feel like this just fits right in. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

Liu Sang joins the final celebration!! Him just disappearing doesn’t make sense at all!!!! Let him get hugs!!! Let him be happy!!!! Oh my god. I was so mad about that and still am because no way did he just leave and not join his new friends for this final evening!!! Dammit. No matter how much he feels like he doesn’t belong and like he’s just “a hired talent” among them, he’s not that dull!! He got those damn peanuts and some hugs and shoulder pats from people, he was there saving the day, he managed to create bonds!!! And god, knowing Wu Xie, he would never allow Liu Sang to think that lowly of himself!!!! He would be there to offer Liu Sang the world if he wants it!! Gaaaahhhh

So yeah, give Liu Sang his moment with his new family or I am throwing something, for fuck’s sakes

thank you again for sending me these asks ♥ i’ll answer the rest during these next few days! you’re amazing!!

 the spanish princess ep 7, aka “how to lose friends and alienate people, the catherine of aragon story”

(ok so - i didn’t watch ep 6 but seeing that screencap of that bless this mess or whatever it said embroidery in the more household absolutely sent me, so here i am with a glass of rose ready to get MAD)

honestly, the cognitive dissonance required on emma frost’s part to be like “catherine was raised by her mother to be a warrior queen” and then to have catherine only give mary attention as well as education because she’s the only child she’ll ever have is truly astounding

meg just like ah yes...another garbage man for me to love (i’m assuming that’s methven fighting with james v?)

why is james calling methven a sassenach when he is very much scottish?

(i know he’s not methven yet sorry, i’m as bad as ef)

georgie’s acting is a bit hammy sometimes but at least she’s trying, at least she’s actually displaying emotion

i personally think wolsey is super sexy

it’s back! does this little metaphor have a name?

wow...catherine really does hate meg for no reason

lina’s side-eye...it’s COMING

siri, play “we gotta get outta this place” by the angels

“what a strange thing to ask a cardinal in a church” LOVE HIMMM

wolsey pointing out that catherine has no friends lol

surprised that a word as big as “ecumenical” made it into a tsp script

“do you hate my sister now?” catherine can’t even get a single win and i love it

check out the slightly more accurate hood in the background!! more of an early french hood but still, i take what i can get

you know, i thought it was pretty on-the-nose when the tudors had mary say “i will burn as many heretics as i have to”, but this really takes the cake

“why do you cry?” uhhh maybe bc you’re revelling in the defeat of lina’s own people, catherine, you horrible person

the TALENT and CHARISMA and BEAUTY that stephanie levi-john has, manifesting a successful career for her

“to hell with parchment, i will take what i’m owed in gold. think of it as a border raid” THAT’S MY GIRL

“i cannot fall for another” but you WILL

given they’re running out of time i’m assuming meg & “hal” stewart are going to have a happy ending which...ok

shouldn’t more be a knight by now, not just master more? who knows what year we’re in

is...stafford going to get arrested bc they find him in catherine’s chambers?

“you must tell no one” IS CATHERINE GOING TO TRY & FAKE A PREGNANCY??? DELICIOUS

who are those two ladies with catherine? have they just forgotten the boleyn girls exist?

for a show that loves heavy-handed foreshadowing, it is mindboggling that neither anne nor mary boleyn have been anything other than glorified extras. particularly as they had anne attending mary and saying stuff like “hmmm a RICH KING” back in episode 2!!! it’s like they straight up forgot about her

why did they never call stafford “buckingham”? it was his title from a young age & they seem to have no problem referring to thomas boleyn as “wiltshire” when it would make more sense - if you’re catering to an audience with little knowledge of the era - to refer to him by his surname. like, this show doesn’t even operate on its OWN logic

INSANELY HILARIOUS, the mores are literally the flanderses 

tfw you stumble upon your boyfriend’s sex dungeon

i personally would like to see andrew buchan go full zealot

stephanie outshines literally everyone in this show

wolsey is trying to link yorkists with protestants, that’s definitely how it worked

lina eavesdropping...love u queen

catherine just like “if i keep my hand on my stomach people will think i’m still pregnant”, what a genius

A GABLE HOOD IN THE BACKGROUND!!! (and some french hoods with actual veils, including on maggie!)

“to my dear friend lord stafford...get fucked, love henry xoxo”

it is WILD to me that stafford and also norfolk are so enamoured with catherine when she’s done fuck all for them (also...where is norfolk)

you hate to see him go, but you love to watch him leave

why are these beheadings so gruesome but also so stupid looking - much like the stillbirth catherine suffered after flodden, they leave nothing to the imagination and that’s...not a good thing

WHY would catherine be talking about a potential annulment when everyone thinks she’s still pregnant?

surely all of these scripts were first drafts, the basic plot holes that could be picked up on a reread

ch’s modus operandi is painful villainous smiles and nothing else

some p!g-drv3 theories (spoilers obvi)

First of all I think people demonize the pg versions wayyy too much because its a good way to be le sexy in like fanfictions. And i get it, villains are hot or whatever. and also hs is a horny age to be. But even the edgiest and horniest of teens aren’t like. that sexual/monstrous. its kind of insane the portrayals people are placing

maybe this could also be like me being older bc when i was early hs i was like yea its fair to place these super mature portrayals on a 18-22 year old they are like adults but young and now im that age and im like woah there pardner. might be an age/maturity thing. 

also like its normal for people to relate to and portray characters their same age in a similar fashion, but when adults write more sexual content about the dg kids i get hella fucking sus

idk where i was going with that first comment i guess its like a preface and in the end i think its important when characters especially teenage characters are morally grey not because they’re mature and dark/brooding but because they are still young and learning. fuck im older than like most of them, but im still young and learning. its good to be in turmoil and confused, especially the drv3 cast. they are more confused than anything.

which i think is a reason why people would join dr because if you are completely loss and in turmoil, it is appealing to be given a purpose in life and amazing talents/abilities. despite the morals of danganronpa, it is a simple reality to be told who you are and what to do

OK ONTO HEADCANONS (not doing all bc i dont have thoughts about all)

first of all i understand changing stories but i think, deep down, you can’t change fundamental personalities/values. so while the backstories might be different i think, in the end, a baseline is always the same

SHUICHI being a Bad Boy is like canon obviously but i dont think he’s as manipulative as people make him out to be. i think he falls in the more the bully role that like. mae borowski or tf2′s scout filled before they grew up. rough background, bad anger issues, lots of emotional turmoil, and the only way he knows how to deal with shit is by committing crimes and beating the shit out of people. and, similar to those characters, drv3 represents an older, more emotionally sober yet equally confused version of himself. the urges are still there as foreshadowed in the dialogue. i think he struggles with guilt, mostly survivors, but there is still a lasting impact of guilt of what he did in his past, even if he can’t remember.

KOKICHI is a child. a piece of shit motherfucker child but a child. I really do think he’s like one of the youngest people in the cast. he reminds me a lot of when my brother doesn’t take his adhd medicine and takes jokes way too far and does mean and cruel things because he thinks its funny and that its just a fun joke, but is hurting people. he desperately wants approval, which is why his leader role is so interesting because in the dr narrative he has the approval he craves and so he is satisfied. still, he does try to impress characters like rantaro and values his opinions a lot, even developing a brotherly relationship in the time they knew each other. this being said, its established kokichi was bullied before, but i dont think he’s like. the wimp people make him out to be. i think he’s more of like the class clown who desperately uses humor to make people like him, and ends up resorting to be the butt of most of his jokes. you don’t just develop a good sense of humor out of a brainwash, and that’s not something you can program in. i think that was a remnant of before, and he’s so good at bullying people and coming up with roasts - i just think that in p!g the roasts were about him.

KAEDE is baby but her p!g personality seriously reminds me of any ~quirky/edgy~ girl in a teen coming of age story who tries to be edgy and cool and act like she doesn’t care but deep down, she really does. if she didn’t have an empathetic personality, she wouldn’t want to end the game. i also think she has that self-identifying QuIrKy personality because its like she lives in her own narrative, practically announcing this story is about her and she is the protagonist. i know i used to self narrate like that and distinguish how i was different when i was like. 15-16. she has a tumblr. 

I really like the theory where KAITO is a make-a-wish kid who was better when he was younger but relapses later in teens. he never used his wish before, so he decides to use it now to be on danganronpa and become the hero he always wanted to be. i also think he might have joined as a way to raise awareness about adolescent healthcare. definitely the type who puts on a “heroic” character to make everyone else feel better about the fact he is literally dying of a terminal illness, and keeps that act up till the end. 

i think KOREKIYO is still a serial killer. i think honestly a reason why he mightve auditioned for danganronpa is because he is a serial killer. maybe his sister found out and he felt so much shame that’s why he auditioned. he probably mentioned why in his interview because duh, tell them im a serial killer and then only reason im coming clean is my sister found out and im ashamed, that is like a guarantee to get on the show.  i LOVE the theory that his sister is still alive, however, and has to watch her brother go insane because they wrote her into the story as the villain. because technically, she brought on this guilt, and is the reason why he auditioned - as a way to cause despair, twist it around so she’s the one to blame for his insanity. also, because its pretty accepted DR members become celebrities, kork’s sister is totally bombarded with paparazzi and is demonized in the media. she might end up writing a tell-all memoir about kork’s actual childhood and personality. quiet kid, thoughtful, interested in anthropology, she never thought he’d hurt a fly. watching her brother go insane probably destroyed her. 

I also think, timeline wise, kork is probably one of the oldest members along with rantaro. tbh i think kork actually graduated hs and went on a gap year doing the whole “hitchhike around the world to discover myself thing” which is where he began killing people. he was getting ready to go to college when his sister found out about what he did. this is when he decided to go on danganronpa instead of university. this would help explain why he knows so much about other cultures/travel/been so many places with so many memories/killed/is knowledgable on a level most other students are not. this would place him at like, 20-21, where everyone else is like 15-18.

ok so there’s two p!g RANTARO, p!g before 53 and p!p!g before 52. i’d like to establish now i think rantaro is the oldest of the characters, seeing as though he was already pretty old to begin with in 52, it takes time between television seasons, and he was in another game. so im placing him like 21-23, similar to yasuhiro in d1 being so much older than everyone else. i do think, in all iterations, rantaro was pretty much raising his sisters, though i don’t think he had twelve like the story (i think that’s an exaggeration, his sisters mean a lot to him, lets make him have a TON and then lose them all and feel GUILTY) rantaro joined the first game, partially to get money for his family and hopefully establish them as celebrities and let them have a comfy lifestyle, even if he doesn’t live...and also to finally ahve some sort of experience without his siblings tagging along. if he’s been raising his sisters all his life, he’s never had like something that’s JUST his. that’s his adventure. 52 is his ULTIMATE adventure. ahaha. mostly for money, kind of dreading it, still a tiny bit excited

ok p!g rantaro between 52 and 53 probably came back broken. he did the signings and appearances, but mostly wanted to spend time with his family and make sure they were set up. i think he knew the whole like few months between seasons he had to go on another show, but he did’t tell his sisters. his family found out when they saw a billboard with his face plastered on it hyping up the return of a fan favorite. yikes!

ok i get it a lot of people hate HIMIKO but i think she’s not nearly as similar as other “useless” characters in other games. its like, pretty clear she’s depressed, and the only thing she’s holding onto with dear life is magic. lack of hygiene, lack of personal care, constantly tired, social interaction exhausts - she has depression, but she’s not an UWU depressed character. so people find her depressive traits (which are some of the most realistic portrayals of mental health in the series) SUPER annoygin. she joined dr because she was completely lost and needed some sort of direction in her life, even if she’ll die for it. the thing is, even with direction, her mental state didn’t change because she wasn’t getting legitimate help. it’s like that one SNL skit that’s like. same sad you from before but in a new place. i also think she knows the magic is not real, because how could she not. i think she’s so adamant that it IS real, less as a way to convince others, and more of a way to convince herself. it’s like really super cruel that team danganronpa took a girl who is desperate for meaning and gave her literally a meaningless, fake talent.

i also kin himiko and find her a comfort character because i feel seen by her, replacing her useless talent of magic with mine of like shitty film making and comedy. i am seen.

related i don’t think she’s nearly as ugly as everyone says she is, i think she’s probably just depressed and takes absolutely no care of her hygiene and sleep and looks like sick and greasy all the time. same queen.

honest to god i think RYOMA’s backstory, tennis and all, is like 100% real and he’s the only one who keeps all of his memories except for the fact this is a tv show. i think he rolled up, a hot fucking mess, and the danganronpa team were like damn. we cannot improve upon this. 

Ship members of the beacon babies gc with stray kids!

ikzjdjdj okay this is going to be hard 😪 but let’s go hoes also anon i really am so sorry if u wanted me to include u in this and i didn’t bc i have absolutely no idea who this is ))))): i love u i promise. that goes for everyone that didn’t end up in this i had such a hard time picking for everyonebdhdhdjjd

(this isn’t based on biases so i’m sorry if u don’t get ur bias 😔😔)

woojin: @awoojinstan literally i cant think of anyone more fitting for this. not only are you THE MOST beautiful girl i have EVER seen, and also like the most devoted woojin stan (ex. showing up immediately when woojin’s name is mentioned), but i genuinely think u and woojin would be a good match. ur dancing from what i’ve seen is incredible!!! that with woojin’s singing is like the ultimate power couple u would be so unstoppable watch out. we don’t talk much and i’m very sad abt that ): but !!!! i can see y'all being super super soft w each other and having him play guitar for u late at night and tell each other dumb stories and he’s like the most gentlemanly boy u have ever seen wow i’m getting soft u guys r the only couple i need in my life

chan: @changbiins yeah i’m fucking doing this elaine what r u going to do we all know i’m right thot. you’re both greasy and embarrassing (IM KIDDIGNNDJSJS). seriously though your sheer beauty mixed with this hotdog grease will cancel out and make the perfect visual couple. y'all will blind me for two completely different individual reasons. anyway u guys would prob hang out in the producing room bc i don’t think this boy ever leaves thta place and you’d take naps while sitting on his lap 👀👀👀 and he’d think ur fucking cute but he wouldn’t say it bc he’s ugly

minho: @soyeonboys abby!!! my wife!!!!! minho better watch his back )): you guys both give off this like mom vibe tho (even if minho’s is more like wine mom and ur the cool mom but that’s not the point). you’d both prob spend time yelling abt ur kids (us + sk) to each other. also we’ve been knew but he’s super clingy and kinda greasy so prepare for the CLINGIEST BOY of the century. he’ll always be trying to kiss u 😔😔 i can see u guys going on cute dates like in town or smthn and forcing him to take selfies bc his collection is dry as FUck but he’d force u to get in them too bc he loves to see ur face wowo this is oily

changbin: @versekiller ik ur not in the gc anymore but ))))): imo you’re a really good match for changbin. you’re both super cute and soft but claim ur dark (which is the biggest lie both ways don’t even try). and you’re tiny which is great! because changbins a whole fucking midget. he’d prob try to act cool around u @ first but give up rly fast and just let his soft bitch side show through 😔 acting cute for u n shit to get u to do things for him what a little shit. he’d prob take u out to super expensive places that’s probably make u want to eject ur lungs out bc of the price (but that’s ok it’s his mom’s money anyway)

hyunjin: @wangingmorktuna okay tbh you would make a really good match for hyunjin. for one, you’re SO PRETTY ITS INSANE??????? and hyunjin is INDEED an iconic visual. you guys would literally be glowing i’d actually have to look away so i wouldn’t be killed instantly by you’re stunning visuals. he’d compliment you a lot and try to be cool abt it but be super super flustered and embarrassed and you would totally be able to tell but he’d deny it to his grave. i can see u guys going on little cafe dates and having small talk and taking a lot of pictures together it’s cliche but it’s so cute dhdhjwjsjdj

jisung: @stantalentstansk okay nathan is literally the biggest meme in this whole gc that’s no debate. and u know who ELSE is a big ass meme? jisung himself u right. both of u hoes are G R E A S Y like u rly like loving everyone. jisungs out here trying to kiss everyone and ur just sending us all WHOLESOME LOVE memes and it’s too much for my soft heart. so combine the two and you get the most greasy couple possibly ever (but in a good way). i can see y'all cuddling a lot like a lot lot lot of skinship seems likely w u sweethearts )): also jisung writes raps for u sometimes (not like johnny’s jshdjsjsjd no ‘fucking titties bitch jisungs out ✌🏻)

felix: @lexilanta bitch!!!! you and meme boy!!!!!!!!!! every time you use the 💀💀 emoji i get weird flashbacks to my friend sam calling felix (flax seed) a funky white boy there’s literally no correlation but somehow it happens. you’d probably roast him a lot tbh and he’d act all hurt by it until u called him cute sorry it’s the law he won’t leave u alone until u do. he’s possibly the clingiest boy i have EVER seen so prepare for some extreme skinship. you also get the special privilege of kissing his freckles 😔😔 make sure to let us know how his dog hair is btw–

seungmin: @xxstraykids idk why saja but you and seungmin are like the ULTIMATE couple in my mind. this boy is the cutest boy i have ever seen in my entire life literally he hurts me and you also happen to be the cutest person i’ve ever seen in my entire life so it’s already perfect. he’d be super super sweet to you and always ask how you’re doing and if you ate and what you’d want to do before suggest something. he’s super shameless and kind of embarrassing sometimes but that’s the good part so hehe. he’d lay his head on ur shoulder a lot and be kind of needy like a whole ass puppy. i can see you guys just kinda chilling and watching movies or youtube videos or something and just enjoying each other’s companies it’d be a really comfortable relationship 😪😪😪

jeongin: @gothfelix cici you’re so sweet it hurts me ))): you always compliment me and you make me so happy and you give me the best vibes and i cant this stress enough. jeongin is a BABY!!! your sweet (and really easy to talk to) personality would be like ideal for him because we all know he’d have kind of a hard time in a relationship. after a while though he’d get really comfortable and you guys would be able to actually do skinship without his lungs threatening to explode. you guys would definitely go on like mini movie dates and then go to a small diner or smthn like something simple u kno. overall it’d be really soft and i )))))))): i love this concept wow

—

okay i went like really really all out w this so i hope it’s up to ur expectation )): i love u all

One Tree Hill Thread - Part 3

i’m hoping it’s a great season and i get my mouth shut because i hate time jumps and this is A FOUR YEAR ONE so i’m guessing it has to be worth it. i thought we would get some of their college lives but ok, I'll wait.

well at least Lucas looks like he’s finally grown up, he seemed to be the only one that wouldn’t age with the seasons before lmao.

why james looks more like Lucas than like Nathan and why am i not surprised.

James best season is 4 (so far) because he looks insanely beautiful THE WHOLE SEASON.

they tricked us big time when it comes to revealing what happened to Nathan, this season is growing on me.

i need to scream here: JAMIE IS THE CUTEST AND FUNNIEST KID IN THE WORLD.

who allowed my parents to have those haircuts? 

someone looks stunning tho... i wasn't sure about Payton's hair style but i was more like a shock, she looks beautiful.

i can’t believe those bastards would bully Haley on her first day, I'm pissed.

omg i really want Nathan to be ok again but mainly i want him to get a haircut but idk if that was James (actor) haircut or if it was actually Nathan so idk if it will happen.

i’m not gonna be chill with Spenser’s sister (lmao i knew her from pll first) flirting with Nathan.

Haley driving a range rover is SUCH big dick energy.

Nathan was a pain in the ass for 2 EPS & THAT WAS IT. after Haley told him to grow a pair, he said fuck it & did it. now he’s asking about her day as she’d told him before to worry about people around & not himself only. NATHAN IS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AT ITS BEST.

HE TOOK HER SUNGLASSES SO SHE COULD EAT COMFORTABLE, IS THERE A BETTER MAN IN THE ENTIRE PLANET!?! (link to the post/video)

Lucas lies to all of his girlfriends. he told Lindsay that his love for her is forever and we all know that’s bullshit.

I just realised that Sofia Bush & Chad Murray were married btw 2005-06 & that’s btw ss 3, now i’m watching ss 5 and haven’t realised any lost of chemistry or awkwardness btw them. i’m gonna say whether they loved each other or not (if not it’s easier, right?) GREAT acting skills

2020 me is wondering wtf was that comment in the ( )

finally! the cutie is back with THE hairstyle <3

that's the team i want

how about MINDING YOUR OWN FREAKING BUSINESS LUKE? your relationship was over long ago, no matter whose fault it was. it's not like you know the guy nor do it for Payton's best interest but because of your jealousy

if nanny keeps flirting with nathan and supporting lindsay against payton i’m gonna be really mad.

Lindsay being jealous and the nanny flirting with nathan is gonna make me loose it.

i’m worried about the whole nanny storyline because it’s gonna show many things that have to do with trust, respect, real feelings, some little chauvinism and it’s like a whole deal omg.

QUENTIN SNAPPED when he punched the dickhead that touched haley’s butt & i’m gonna say that even tho hales said that he wasn’t worth it and i didn’t want nathan to get in a fight again and the fact that violence doesn’t fix anything... QUENTIN SNAPPED AND IMMA SAY YES BOY FINALLY.

LUCAS YOU HYPOCRITE BASTARD, YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF, LINDSAY AND PAYTON FOR NO REASONABLE REASON!

something i love that is hilarious is that even tho it’s been 4 years since they’ve finished high school, they have the same troubled relationships and struggles that they had in high school with the only difference that they have jobs now but that’s it.

why is Brooke/Sophia aphonic in some episodes? like it’s pretty noticeable in episode 7 and 8.

COULD THEY STOP BLAMING PAYTON FOR NOT WANTING TO MARRY LUKE BACK THEN? they’d fallen apart & she was super busy & he asked out of the blue. now is P a bitch bc she wants to get back together now when he’s dating Lindsay? mmno? he can say no & we all know he still loves P too.

Payton needs to step aside now because he has already asked Lindsay. now we (and they) all know he loves Payton and he’s lying to himself. it’s perfect if he’s mad at P because she rejected his proposal, like he wanted something that she didn’t but i won’t take all of them blaming Payton for not being ready to get married back then when she was super busy and super disconnected with Luke. she didn’t even say no, she said that she wanted to wait and her job was all over the place. SO COULD THEY STOP FUCKING BLAMING HER?

let Mouth be happy with someone he’s in love with for 2 episodes at least challenge.

what Carrie looks like VS what i think when they mention Carrie, tho the first one is the only real evil.

i need Nathan to show the person he is and tell Carrie to get the fuck out. he hasn’t said anything about her kissing him yet so i hope it doesn’t go further.

WELL I LITERALLY CHOKE WHEN HALEY SAID THAT SHE WANTED A DIVORCE. I CAN’T WATCH THIS, NO WAY. 1) i choke because i was shocked but also 2) it was the most random and inappropriate moment to ask him for a divorce! poor kid just made it alive and she was thinking about that!?

and what was that “stay away from us!” when she just realised that Jamie was barely alive? Nathan jumped into the pool and grabbed him!

and NONE OF THIS justifies Nathan’s lamest attitude with Carrie. he should’ve stopped her since the fucking first moment and that’s inexcusable at all. IT’S ALL HIS FAULT.

BUT NALEY CAN’T GET A DIVORCE NOR ANYTHING NEAR A SEPARATION BECAUSE THEY’RE THE PERFECT AND ONLY COUPLE.

tw // cancelled since day 0 but bitch what the fucking fuck actually.

well now how am i supposed to keep hating Lindsay when she takes care of Nathan and is doing something to make Nathan and Haley talk? that’s not fair i can’t like her!

poor kid Jamie has to chose whether to trust in Dan or Carrie the nanny, the kid be like.

he was so right here, uncle Skills spilling the tea

I MEAN WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME PSYCHO?

this kid Jamie is so smart it's scary

NATASHA, PIERRE AND THE GREAT COMET OF 1812 (August 11th 2017, and August 12th 2017) there are spoilers to come but i felt you would all appreciate my take on the show for I have greatly appreciated everyone else's reviews. THIS STORY IS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME AND I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT IT IS CLOSING. the above are pictures from my two respective seats and at the stage door Act One * the walls are covered in portraits from the 1800s, some of which are landscapes of operas) * i danced (badly) on a broadway stage * to get to the on stage seating you enter through lucas' door * while waiting for the show to start old russian music is playing. they also played some french music bc they were francophiles YAY FOR HISTORY * a lady behind me said "omg look at how they did the staging... i guess its pretty clear that theres not a lot of dancing in this show. and i about died laughing * during prologue Cathryn squeaked on the clarinet as she ran down the stairs and my best friend is a clarinet player so this made her RIDICULOUSLY happy * OAK LOOKED RIGHT AT ME DURING MY FAVORITE PART OF PIERRE WHICH IS MY FAVORITE SONG (You empty and stupid, contented fellows. satisfied with your place, im different from you im different from you. i stilll want to do something) * during pierre, pierre sings the part, "and how many men before good russian men, believing in goodness and truth" right to Anatole (who is in the main spot light) and a bunch of other dudes including Dolokohv * Anatole is wasted pretty much the whole show but he this is when you first notice it and lucas was sitting on the stairs right next to me and he kind of drunkenly slipped before he ran to the other side of the stage and i was like 😍😍 * Deneé was on our side of the stage pretty much the whole show and she looked me straight in the eyes about 15 times * during the very beginning of no one else when the music just starts to play Deneé walks with very youthful steps and it just emphasizes her innocence and lack of awareness and just EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PLAY IS MAGIC * no one else is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen (well kind of if you dont count the great comet of 1812) The independent lightbulbs which are hanging from the ceiling all kind of drop so it kind of looks like Natasha is floating among the stars * when deneé sang "we were angles once dont you remember" the second night i was there the guy she was singing to on stage right said yes and you could hear it in her mike 😂 * also during no one else, when Deneé sings "this winter sky" she is standing on the top tier of stairs and she flings her arms out gesturing to the sky and the blue light of the moon is the only real light on her and it is quite simply breathtaking * andrei shows up 3-4 times during act one and its super sad every time. the first one (i think, from my vantage point) was during no one else when Natasha is squeezing her knees. Andrei is holding her letters in his hand and then he puts them in his coat pocket right next to his heart and i want to die. * at the beginning of the opera when Dolokohv is introduced he is so ridiculously arrogant and its adorable. Dolokohv in general is pretty fucking adorable. He points at the mezzanine and smirks and its beautiful * at the opera when Natasha says "a little sad a little stout" pierre is in the parlor which is right between natasha and Marya, and Helene and he makes this face like "wtf dude we should be bros" and he is playing the accordion and he pulls it in a way that the note declines and its just this hilarious moment * during the opera andrei shows up covered in blood right after Natasha sees Anatole is staring at her and its so depressing and also NICHOLAS BELTON OMG * Andrei also shows up during Natasha and Anatole (ok my heart 💔) * pierre is reading in his study through almost the entire show * So i heard this before and i didnt believe it bc you cant tell from just the music but the way that lucas plays Anatole is just so complex i love it. During, Natasha and Anatole he is a. really surprised at the amount that he isnt being rebuffed. and b. he has all these nervous tics before he enters the box all the way and makes his presence known and it just adds so much to the character because while yes he is the bad guy he isnt evil he is just unaware of everyone else. * he also tries to convince himself that he isnt doing anything wrong during "we are speaking of the most ordinary things" he wasnt trying to convince her HE WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF * and then RIGHT WHEN SHE SAYS "yet I feel closer to you thank Ive ever felt with any other man" he just looks so happy and surprised * Right before Anatole goes to talk to Pierre during the duel he does this mind blown motion after watching natasha exit and its so fucking cute * DOLOKOHV'S "DRINK DRINK"s AT THE BEGINNING OF THE DUEL HAPPENED AS HE RAN UP THE STAIRS RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND I DIED BC HOLY FUCK NICK CHOKSI * I know you all already know this but the strobe lights are the most badass thing i have ever seen in my life. i straight up thought i was going to die they are SO intense. and during the ohohohohohs at the beginning lucas and nick did this hoping dance and i was like 😍 and its so cool bc of the strobe lights and I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE STROBE LIGHTS HOLY FUCK * the second night i saw it, i cant remember who it was but, someone literally almost kicked me in the face from the stage section right in front of me * during the line "then i feel a pleasant warmth in my body" LUCAS DOES A BODY ROLE AND IT IS SO RIDICULOUSLY HOT I CANNOT EVEN DESCRIBE IT * OK OAK! this is the moment i was like FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW THIS BOY IS A GIFT FROM HEAVEN. When Dolokohv is singing "heres to the health of married women" he is talking directly into pierre's face trying to bro out, and oak's face just falls completely and im like I NEED TO GIVE YOU A HUG DONT BE SAD. then, THENNNNN Dolokohv actually goes and makes out with helene two feet away from him and the hurt on oaks face was so raw i just 😭 * during the duel it is super obvious that Helene actually cares about Pierre because when she see that he hit Dolokohv shes more worried about the retribution than she is about dolokohv and i just want to die bc these characters are so fucking complex and BEAUTIFULLLLL * Dust and Ashes IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SONG AND OAK SINGS IT SO WELL AND I DIDNT KNOW THAT THE SONGS COULD GET BETTER BUT HE DID AND I WANT TO DIE * Dust and Ashes is my best friends favorite song and Oak looked directly at her during her favorite line too and its like he fucking knew we were sitting there * during sunday morning Sonya is trying to imitate Marya by sitting exactly like her and that is so great * Charming is gay. that is all there is to say really, just GAYYYYY * and Natasha imitates Helene at the end of Charming which again shows her innocence (SCREAMING) * she then makes the most adorable "well if you say so face" during "but still she talks so frankly. so it must be alright" and she kind of shrugs and AGHHHH * at the beginning if the ball Anatole, again, has all sorts of nervous energy and hes pacing and bouncing on the balls of his feet shaking his hands. and it just adds so much depth. * the ball was really distracting the first night bc two people (cant say who they were bc they are in huge ass masks) were dancing like 6 inches away from me and kept breathing in my ear. I am not complaining. * Lucas turns around with his hands up in a surrender pose like "i didnt do anything what are you saying" when natasha says "your hurting my hand" which i love. then he runs up and just grabs her bodily, turns her to him and smashes his lips on to hers. they stay like that for like 4 seconds and then natasha throws herself on top of him, essentially, and he kind of spins them around and its really kind of romantic (i am not a shipper of the two, except that i maybe kind of am after seeing how they interact with eachother) * Natasha kind of freaks out after the kiss but she is convinced that there is nothing else for her now but anatole and its like GIRLLLLL * Lucas and Deneé leave the stage arm and arm through the big door at the back with the same white lights that Anatole entered with. ACT 2 VERY FIRST THING THAT HAPPENED IN ACT TWO. LUCAS STEELE STARED INTO MY EYES FOR A SOLID 6 SECONDS AND SMIRKED AT ME AN I DIED AND MY FACE PROBABLY LOOKED SO DUMB BUT I DONT CARE BECAUSE AGHH In Letters when pierre says IT IS NAPOLEON the portrait of napoleon on the wall lit up and i cried andrei was there during all of letters and it was so depressing BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHATS COMING AND AGH. right before sonya and natasha sonya and anatole glare at eachother as lucas exists and then sonya runs to grab the letter from natasha's hand. DENEÉ'S SASS DURING THE LINE "I do not grasp the question" is fucking epic. she roles her eyes and its perfection during Sonya alone Igrid Michaelson was literally three feet away. and the lights didnt light up behind denee and i was like ohhh someone messed up. Dolokohv was trying insanely hard to convince anatole not to go through with the abduction and his turmole was very evident. at one point denee walk across the stage and he looked between her and anatole, ran his hand through his hair and then just gives in and follows. Anatole is v annoyed with Dolokohv during preparations. while dolokohv is speaking he is mouthing along like "shut up bro you dont know wtf youre saying" its very funny balaga: there are no words just so much happened paul pinto is a beast i dont even know how he does it. ok on night two i tried write down things from balaga Heath whipped me in the face with his hair as he was head banging on the stage in front of me. marya plays the drums at the top of the stage #GRACEMcLEANISAGODDESS andrei is present through most of act two. he is playing the triangle in pierre's study during balaga OAK DOES THE MOST ADORABLE LAUGH AFTER HIS "WooooOOOOOOAHHH" in abduction. he makes me want to die Lucas' "WAAAAAAIIIT first we have to sit down" is hilarious because the amount of time that he just sits there in silence flirting with this random lady on stage is ridiculous. he messes with his hair and puts his arm around her while we (i) all just sit there staring at him with doppy smiles on our (my) faces. on night two he sat next to a guy on the stage and i really thought he was going to flirt with him as well but alas dolokohv's fur cloak bit is very funny and the cloak is purple which is not what i imagined. again i will say that he is adorable anatole makes out with the fur cloak girl before going to get natasha. boi Grace McLean's in my house is not just angry she is also devastated that natasha is to be ruined. her face is contorted with pain in almost every line. and she is pleading with natasha to listen to her. her vocals are just so insane just OMG the blocking during in my house was also insanely cool. sonya, natasha, and Marya are standing in a a triangle the whole time (denee was RIGHT in front of me for the majority of the time) and they would switch which point of the triangle they were at and the rotation was very neat. I REALIZED LATER THAT THIS IS A PARALLEL TO MOSCOW BECAUSE THEY ARE STANDING IN A TRIANGLE THEN TOO AND OMG THIS SHOW DOES LITERALLY EVERYTHING RIGHT in call to pierre, oaks first what, when pinto gives him the letter is like "wtf is going on here im nobody whats going on" and despite being very depressing is also kind of funny. the whats then progressively get less funny and more depressing and i HATE THAT THIS HAPPENS TO MY CHILDREN NICHOLAS BELTON WAS RIGHT NEXT TO ME ON THE SECOND NIGHT DURING CALL TO PIERRE AND HE KIND OF RUNS AND HIDES BEHIND A POST IN THE BACK OF THE THEATER AS PIERRE LEARSN WHAT HAPPENED TO NATASHA. pierre went to find anatole in the club all of the ensemble were surrounding the walls of the theater and it felt like we were actually in the club which was insane after "NATASH, NATASHA. IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT I SEE NATASHA" Anatole throws his head down into helene's lap and i read somewhere that "they downplayed the incest" BUT I CALL BULL SHIT I DIDNT SAY THIS EARLIER BUT DURING THE DUEL AT THE LINE "Imma make love to her" AMBER IS GRINDING ON LUCAS SO I CALL BULL FUCKING SHIT anatole is also really distraught. its super weird bc with just the music to go off of you think anatole is just this jackass that wants nothing but to feel good and fuck everyone else... BUT LUCAS OMG lucas makes him sympathetic. he seems to really love natasha and when pierre is yelling at him he takes it to heart and freaks the hell out and just my love (i mean still a dick but) pierre and anatole is so fucking intense. and the ending if it when anatole is being a whiny baby IT IS SO GREAT BC ITS SO CLEAR HE IS THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM which emphasizes his age and lack of understanding as well WHICH IS JUST SO FUCKING GREAT. Anatole's exit is almost an exact reflection of his entrance. with the lights flaring as he walks out the door everyone talks about this but when natasha poisons herself shes right between anatole and pierre and its so depressing and just my heart pierre and andrei is so fucking sad. first off in the book (which is all about redemption, ill get to that) Andrei gets the BEST most beautiful redemption arc, and ive always been kind if sad that they took that out. everyone else gets at least the possibility of redemption and they just straight up removed every possibility of andrei finding forgiveness. but whatever this is the song that made me start crying, i didnt stop until i was standing at the stage door both nights. ITS JUST SO FUCKING SAD AND I DONT EVER WANT TO FORGET NICHOLAS BELTON STANDING ON THE STAGE "smiling like his father" AS HE COMES TO TERMS WITH THIS BETRAYAL. OAK! OAKKKKKK. I did not know that pierre could get better i thought we had reached maximum amazing but HOLY SHIT. first off the whole time he was hilarious. at the beginning of the Duel when he said opera he satirized the word and drew it out kind of long which was hilarious. and other little moments while he was in his parlor. BRILLIANT. and then AND THEN DURING PIERRE AND NATASHA. i have no words the whole thing was heart breaking. I started crying during Pierre and Andrei and I didnt stop until the end, at the stage door, but holy fuck. after he says his line (you all know the one) i could SEE this singular tear fall from his face and god damn if that wasnt the most heart wrenching thing i have ever seen. he was full on sobbing on stage and i could not handle it. During Pierre and Natasha, Helene, Marya, and Dolokohv were sitting in the audience sections and Helene was crying, dolokohv was strumming his guitar and looking very depressed and Marya just sat there shaking her head. Im not sure if other people were around too but those were the three i could see. during great comet everything is just so beautiful. oaks acting and gestures made everything 100102948391x better but the lighting was INSANE. the comet was beautiful the stars were beautiful, oak was beautiful. one of the MOST stunning plays I have EVER seen in so many ways. a person is not supposed to cry 6 times during a show... it requires magic and this show had it in bucket loads. STAGE DOOR DAY ONE: I MISSED GRACE MCLEAN BC I WAS DISTRACTED AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF AGHWHSHF Lucas must be on voice rest bc he wasnt saying anything but HE WAS SO CUTE AND IM DYING BC HE TOUCHED ME. (also i became like ridiculously starstruck and forgot that i wanted to tell him how much his acting adds to the lyrics and the character and how he is so much more sympathetic because he genuinely loves natasha and just doesn't demonstrate that in a good way, i will also. ever forgive myself for that) there was a little girl next to me at the stage door and the actresses were all being so encouraging to her. they were like "if you want to be an actress DO IT, I was right where you were once and now im here. you have it in you, just dont ever give up." and i wanted to cry bc OH JESUS THEY ARE SUCH GOOD PEOPLE. Paul Pinto is THE MOST™. i absolutely love it even after the show he had SO much energy. i was like 😮 how. Nick Choksi is adorable and wears so much eyeliner and he also talked to the little girl next to me about how excited he would be to see her name up on a marquee one day and i cried. I have no idea what I said to him bc again i was starstruck. My best friend died a little bc she loves him and i think it was honestly one of the best moments of her life. Amber, Oak, and Denee didnt come out (sobs) but APPARENTLY Renee Elise Goldsberry was there to congratulate Oak and support him and i was to cry again. OK DAY TWO STAGE DOOR: * this was a scary night for me * i got into a fight with a man because he was being exceptionally rude to the actors and i called him out on it and he started screaming at me and then he started pushing this other lady right when Shoba was signing in front of us and she looked so scared and i feel so fucking bad * also his daughter was obviously a huge fan of the show and was so excited to see the cast and when he got kicked out she was sobbing and i will maybe never forgive myself for ruining this girls night on broadway but someone needed to say something. he was straight up making fun of the cast as they were three feet away from him and the final straw for me was when he said "some one needs to go in there and grab that blond bitch by the hair and drag her out here. if no one else will ill do it" and so i turned around and said "excuse me sir would you mind turning down the vulgarity. it's incredibly disrespectful" and he said some of the meanest things i have ever heard from another person (called me a bitch, told me i would always be alone, tried to intimidate me by saying he was three times my age... i was just like that says more about you than it does about me man) any way the security guy (idk his name but i love him) got him to leave and then once he was gone i started crying bc everyone around me was patting me on the back trying to make me feel better and that makes me cry apparently. * SO THEN ANGLE MAN MCSECURITY came over and tried to cheer me up as did many other people which really only made it worse but everyone was being so kind and trying to distract me and finally i said "FUCK IT I CANT BE CRYING WHEN LUCAS STEELE COMES OUT" and everyone laughed and i started to stop crying. OK SO WHEN LUCAS CAME OUT AND GOT TO ME ANGLE SECURITY MAN SAID "lucas just so you know this girl has had a really hard time just now. a man was being very confrontational with her in the crowd, (wait for it) can she have a hug" and lucas stared into my eyes (LMAO I AM NATASHA) and said (his voice was so raspy and he was definitely not supposed to be speaking) "im so sorry but if i hug you i have to hug everyone, im so sorry that you had an altercation. here i can do this" AND HE STARTED RUBBING MY HAND IN CIRCLES AND I ABOUT DIED and i said "its ok i totally understand, you are actually fantastic (AND I LOVE YOU, actually no i didnt say that) can i have a picture?" and he said yes (its so bad) and then went down the line more BUT HOLY FUCK * and THEN i asked the totally innocuous question to angle security man, out if curiosity not wanting to do it myself, "not to sound presumptuous or anything but how is it that people grt to go back stage at things like this?" and he said friends or family and i said ok, makes sense i was just curious. THEN HE CAME BACK 3 MINUTES LATER AND SAID "i just wanted to let you know i tried to get you back stage, my friend Summaya is in the cast would have taken you but she already left. i hope thats ok." and i just kind of stared at him bc I WASNT ASKING TO GO BACK MYSELF IT WAS A FOR FUTURE REFERENCE THING and i said "no no of course i totally understand dont worry about it" * GUESS WHAT ELSE HAPPEND BRITTAN ASHFORD WAS THERE AND WHEN SHE CAME OUT i started pointing and talking incoherently and he said, "do you want Brittan's autograph?" and i just kind of nodded and he BROUGHT HER OVER TO ME * Nicholas Belton didnt come out the stage door but he apparently was meeting up with Cathryn and a bunch of the other cast after the show bc i saw him as i was walking to my uber and i just kind if stalked him a little bit bc OMG and i love that they all go out together after the show * Anthony Ramos and Jasmine Cephas Jones were at the show to see Oak and they went in the stage door and Jasmine waved right to me after she saw me waving at her. they showed up separately and i was like OMG ARE THEY OK I HOPE THEYRE OK... but its all good * and Alex Gibbson told me that he was proud of me for having read War and Peace because his copy was collecting dust in the attic somewhere and i laughed * and BRAD GIOVANINE REMEMVERD ME at the sage door he said "hey! you were here last night werent you?" and i said "YEAH!" and he said "yes, i thought i recognized you in the audience! thank you so much for coming back" and i said "I wouldnt have missed it, thank you for telling this story" and that was a definite highlight OK SO THE REASON THAT THIS SHOW IS MAGIC: so the main message of war and peace is that people are good, and redemption, for even the most base of people, is not only possible it is probable because when you break it down we are all imbued with humanity which can triumph when/if we let it. the show doesnt necessarily show that redemptive possibility because it is the part of the story where literally everyone is at their worst. BUT the acting and intention behind the blocking and the small things show that even the very worst of characters (cough anatole, cough helene, cough dolokohv), that we really shouldnt sympathize with based on their actions, are portrayed in such a way that it is IMPOSSIBLE to not see them as, at their root, good. it is impossible to not see their humanity. their weaknesses are on full display, but those weaknesses are merely weakness. they are not evil, they are a result of circumstance and upbringing. not to mention the characters we are supposed to love... they are so easy to forgive its ridiculous in conclusion: Natasha, Pierre, and The Great Comet of 1812 is the bets musical i have ever seen. I love the cast with all of my heart because of their talent and kindness, I will NEVER forget the magic that was tonight. i CANNOT believe that this show is closing. I will never see anything like it ever again and its a travesty. I hope one day there is a revival that is this good... i have hope 🙏🏻.

Dear me

Hi me, it’s been a while.

I genuinely can’t believe I started this with the intention of it NOT becoming a shitpost but that was literally reference to JK’s ‘it’s been a while’, but regardless, it has.

It has been 390 days, so roughly a year and a month… a lot has changed.

I’m going to start with our usual ‘how am I?’ then go to where we left off last year and go on from there.

How am I? Well you see with everything that’s happened this year, I’m not so ok, and I’m sorry. We were close I know, we were happy, and the dissociation stopped but everything came tunneling back. So that’s how I am right now, I’ll explain more once I explain just what exactly happened this year.

Going to where we left off:

Funny thing, I went to Seattle again this year! I went alone this time, I’ll explain it in detail a bit later, but boy oh boy it was the same feeling, we were anxious most of the time kid sorry about that.

You’re still not good with people, in fact, I think you got worse hhh, except it’s for somewhat different reasons this time. A mix of being disattached and realizing that people are genuinely shit has made me realize that I need to stop allowing myself to be a welcome mat but if I’m being honest, it’s easier being a welcome mat than it is maintaining friendships at this point.

Let’s start on the year:

My last entry was August 15th 2017, it is currently September 9th 2018, lets dick sus.

You, started uni. You started university majoring in theatre production. It was hard.

The first month was footings, oh my god footings, I haven’t thought about that for a while. It was so jam packed, we were literally taught everything in one month and it just really showed you what the next two years would be like. God it was so much fun. Remember the first time we hung a source4, and now you’ve probably hung well over 100 lights.

September was hard, I couldn’t turn to the people I could turn to today so I was very much alone and used my spam instagram account (the super secret one) as an outlet. I remember continuously begging myself not to drop out on that account, and guess what, you didn’t.

Also hey, you don’t hate carpentry, actually you’re taking carpentry 2. Insane I know. Who would have guessed, 5ft me doing carpentry.

Serendipity dropped!! Oh boy, I remember crying for DAYS, Park Jimin I love you.

First Semester Classes:

English: A bitty dropped that class, 2 weeks in, yeah. Yup.

Footings: A solid 10/10, we went through hell but it was fun and we went to the bar for the first time afterwards. Genuinely a good time.

Drafting: Listen,, shit hit the fan, I’m pretty sure Clayton hates you, but we’re taking his year two class anyways so he’s stuck with me :)

Intro: Shit hit the fan part 2, this was all on you, you actual dumbass (ly)

Rigging: SHE WAS FUN, would definitely do again. The field trip to the opera was really fun too.

Audio: I somehow got an A in this class, and like, I’m not bad at audio but what the fuck?

Practicum: :((( Sister Act :((( My first show :( God there’s so much I can say about this. Thank you so much Sister Act. I owe you everything.

How on Earth do I sum all this up…

Footings ended, classes started regularly. You fell in love with all of the second years and fun fact, you’re still in love with them, god bless Mark. Melissa left :/, YOU WON THE RIGGING GAMES, YOU WON AND BROKE A RECORD, AND IT WAS AMAZING. You were a spotlight for sister act, headset was insane, bless Hunter. You became an addict to the bacanator at Wendys. You cut out 19 head pieces on a wardrobe call for sister act. Existential dates with Bruno at Denny’s because you were both far too stressed. You spent too much money because fuck freshman year right? You accidentally read a major character death. We went to Deadmenton with Tanika, Bella and Patty, it was really fun and Tanika kept screaming “Miss Keisha, Bitch, Bitch”. So much happened and this isn’t even a grain of salt in comparison.

So let’s talk about the big things. Mom told us to leave in September, and by November you were living with dad in a 2 bedroom apartment, 6 minutes from your school. It was hard, this was the first time I’d lived without my siblings, it, was hard.

Around that same time, you started going on twitter more, actually, you were put in a group chat. A lot came from that group chat, and I guess this is the perfect time to talk about the relationships in your life.

Siblings: You haven’t been as close to Pisona as you are now. Moving forced me to communicate with my siblings and that did bring us closer. I love my siblings and I would do anything for them, it’s unfortunate the situation that we’ve found ourselves in with our parents.

Friends:

Bruno: I love Bruno, I love Bruno so fucking much. I would do anything for Bruno. I don’t know how to fully express just how much I love Bruno. I love you moonshine.

Danait: In all honesty, that’s my Taehyung. I see us as partners for life, I don’t know what I would do without her and sure there are times when I want to let everything go, but she’s here, and she’s home.

Patty & Tanika: My kids! The gc moved to Line bc twitter was stressing us out, and its all jokes and screaming about life from there.

Q: I love Q, but it’s really hard, but it’ll be ok.

Dead Friendships:

Erika, Blakeish, Yadiel, Literally just everyone else and everyone from high school lmao.

New Relationships:

Jocelyn: Oh jeez, how the fuck do I do this. You know that group chat we joined, well you also happened to meet the love of your life in said group chat. Yup. Her name is Jocelyn, and she’s perfect, and she’s too good for you but you’re not one to decide that, and maybe you think about her a little too much, and maybe you fuck up, a lot, but you really like her.

Eyerusalem: So you didn’t just join one group chat, you joined multiple, you even made some yourself, and in one that you made, you met Yoongi. I can’t really explain what that means but you know what I mean because well, you’re me, and hope that you’re still friends with her when you read this a year from now, but I also know that It’s literally not possible for you to stop speaking to her because as far as we’re fucking considered, namgi shall rise and we are soulmates.

Fun fact, you only made two new friends. Everyone else is a classmate that although you like, you can’t really talk to or further your relationship with. There’s Caitlan but fuck Caitlan :)

This is long and it just keeps fucking going but there’s just so fucking much that happened this last year god, I haven’t even gotten half way through it all fuck.

Ok so: You didn’t finish any of the shows you said you would. You finished your first year without any electives so now you’re cramming. Also your parents are now living under the same roof because dad fucked up his arm so yes you moved back in with mom. YOU DATED A BOY, for like a week, it was awful, but you don’t hate him anymore. YOUR PERIOD CAME BACK, you were in Seattle when it happened, it was,, a lot, lots of blood, lots of mess, but it was gone for a year so it makes sense.

You fully delved into your sexuality, you aren’t exactly ace haha hahaha haahahahahaha ahhahahahahaha I FUCKIGN KNOW  I FUCKING KNOW OK, THATS WHO WE WERE, LISTEN IM SHOCKED TOO, but miss jocelyn over there single handedly changed everything, also you’re kinky as fuck, who would have fucking guessed, blame jocey.

Seattle wasn’t the worst, we went to the ocean a lot, and we only touched her once because we aren’t greedy and frankly I got too overwhelmed.

You have like 7 biases, deal with it. Your Japanese got better lmao, you tell me how.

I’m saying it here and now, but we’re joining the circus.

This is the best I can do for now because quite frankly, this year was too much to put into words and I knew it would be hard but I didn’t realize just how fucking hard. But anyways, you love bangtan a lot, and as hard as u try they really are the only group you can keep up with, im sorry stray kids im still trying, exo flew out the picture, i literally only care about pcy, bbh and ksoo/yixing lmaoooooooo NYWAYS

GN (it’s 1PM)

Playing with Jordan Pines is like playing with knives- Sarah (Episode 5)

I'm sorry Bernel had to leave like that and I really hope everything's okay with him, but in a way, it may very well be a secret savior. Not enough talking was done up until that point so I have no idea who would've left - Robin assured me she didn't want Lexi or I gone and that OG whatever the hell our tribe name was should stick together, and Julia/Alex and I were on call for the challenge and agreed we didn't want any of us to go since we're arguably the most active and we certainly helped the most with the movie, but even then... I can't say my social game is top notch. I'm simply not built to be a social player, I lack all the skills necessary. But luckily some people on here ain't active enough that I can cover up my own discrepancies with their lack of appearance. There's other fish to fry yet, and hopefully I can live to see the jury...

W'elp, the lacklusterishness has come back to bite me. I've gotta approach everyone I talk to, and the two people I don't approach constantly throw my name out. The tribe's turning like eggs on a hot summer day. That's no bueno, no bueno at all...

Luckily, Alex and Julia are hopefully going to help me 'ere. They're attempting to convince them to split the votes on probs Jaiden and I, and then we strike. We can flip this - failure's not an option, because failure means my head on the guillotine. No second chances.

Jaiden's down for rocks, it seems, if it comes down to it. Robin's promised to not vote me. So I think I should be able to live here... I hope so... I'm too young to die.

I do think enough people will vote dom out, and than again I don't because the plan is highkey messy. Like there is literally a 4/4 split in our tribe as of now. It's me, alex, jaiden, and Johnny on the best side, and the other is the losers. But if we lie to them correctly we can get them to split their votes and than we vote the majoirty with hope the vote turns out as 4-2-2

I'm absolutely freaking out right about now. This vote is terrifiying me and I don't want to leave. Like I don't know what is going to happen like this is all going to be so insane. I'm playing with people who could, or could not be messy as hell. Like I need some sort of security, and when I don't feel grounded I get worried. And that is all because I'm a Taurus which is down to Earth, and I dont feel comfortable when I don't feel like I'm in a secure situation, or know what will happen. And right now I CANNOT let my nerves get the best of me, I won't let it happen. I just want to be able to say I made TS Jury, and even more my next goal if I made the jury would to be to take it to the end of this game with Sarah. Because that would be the best situation to be put in because I would feel like I did something good and memorable in this game. And I just don't want to keep having my chances jeopardized. Like I never thought this game was going to be THAT HARD. Like I was booted very early in Bangladesh and I cannot LET that happen again. I just want to do good. And I have no idea if I can trust going to rocks, I will be so terrifiyed of being eliminated, and that would suck. I just don't know what to do im at my mental point where Jazmine is about to come out and we all know that does not need to happen at all.

: I'm legit so sick of this tribe what the hell. So we lost the first challenge which would have been a super easy challenge to win if people actually participated and were more hands on, than we loose this and it could have been executed better by other tribe members if they did the challenge more diligently. And my score of 7 is an overall average score so that shows that I still want to be here. Unlike these lazy idiots who jeopardize my game every three days because their lazy asses can't put forth 30 mins of their time tops to actually try in a challenge. This is tumblr survivor bitches, so maybe you should get your shit together instead of me having to suffer because most of you are lazy messes. And that goes to dom, jaiden, Robin, and Lexi. Fuck you guys right now I'm so mad. 

So we won the challenge which is nice. I think I am in a decent spot on this tribe tbh due to us having an innactive player and me being pretty decently connected to people. I'm sort of in a few alliances though we don't really have any chats, like I'm in an alliance with Sarah and Julia and I'm in a returnee alliance on our tribe of Me, Sarah, Kendall, Gavin and Ashley. I like to think I am going to be in a decent spot going forward. We haven't had to go to tribal on this tribe but Whitney sort of disappeared so I am sure if we lose she would be the one to go 100%. I think things are good right now.

I guess we are going to rocks tonight. I don't know what to say. Sorry Dom but you won't speak to me about this. I told you. I hope I get rocked out tonight. For once, I didn't want to make a big move. If Dom plays his idol and exposes my betrayal, then at least I can say that I knew this was coming.

http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/mreidjr/78051217/7913/7913_900.gif So I just went on call with Dom. And you know what he told me? He said that Sarah and Julia have told him everything I said about him. From how I felt like he was too much, how I didn't like him at all, how I wanted to use him to get further in the game. All that shit. That's why I voted for him, according to them. It's real funny because for a while, I did believe those things to be true. Sarah was the first person I talked to about all that. I thought she was my friend, I really did. But I see why she's on the villains tribe, because she's a heartless, cold-blooded viper. The entire Dom vote came as a result of her and Julia wanting him gone. Certainly, I didn't help with them coming to that decision, but it's become evident to me that this is the person everyone parades around and claims to be best friends with. We talk about that Bangladesh final tribal where Sarah cries over how Eddie betrayed her so badly, but then here she is, acting like a complete hypocrite. She can say that these two situations are not the same, which they are not, but the knife she plunged into my back burns the same. I can't say that I didn't see this coming. I fucked up, so it makes sense why everything spilled out in front of me on the dirt floor. Now I have to work on making people like me again, because I don't think they'll trust me for a while. We can say that I have a long road ahead before I can regain their trust, but the truth is that I have a much steeper path to the finish than before. They might not ever trust me, so I need to give them a reason to understand me. I don't know how, but I'll try. I'll take the knife that was firmly planted in my back and return it to its rightful owner one day. I did these things for her, and while she was always on my hit list, no matter that she was low, I think she's found her way to the top. Karma is a bitch, and so is she. Maybe I won't win this fight, but I think I'll die trying, and I'm at peace with that.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ @ Johnny potentially going home. If he doesn't, well...┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)

Ok so more happened after that video, so i went on call with julia and we talked about how she thinks jaiden doesnt want to work with her and wants to lowkey work with dom but then jaiden called me, and SPILLED TEA THAT DOM HAS THE IDOL ...SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER And he still wants dom out so i lowkey forced jaiden on julia, alex and johnny and thats half their tribe..So then they need one more person. But they came up with amazing idea to scare the other side...dom,ruben,lexi and robin that johnny has the idol bc all those 4 ppl want to vote him out...SO IF THOSE 4 SPLIT THE VOTE BC THEYRE SCARED OF AN IDOL THEN THEY WOULD BE MAJORITY AND HONESTLY IM HERE FOR IT. I WANT DOM GONE AND I WANT TO WORK WITHJOHNNY, JULIA, JAIDEN AND ALEX IN MERGE OR COME SWAP SO BAD !!! im so nervous for them but excited at the same time :~) also julia and i came up with a name for just us and u can now call us Salia ....ISNT THAT CUTE FUCKCKODKSJF

So as far as my tribe goes: From what I know, Jordan has the idol. In addition to that, Dom also has the idol. I have supposed to not tell anyone about what Jordan tells me. Everything I know goes straight to Alex or to Ashley to ensure that those bonds stay solid. As of now, I've been trying to keep relations open with everyone on my tribe, especially Liam because keeping Liam safe premerge shows Johnny post merge that I'm trustworthy. So what I've told Liam is that Jordan and a few others have the idea of a returnees alliance and that he might be on the chopping block, though I reassured him that is not the reality of the matter. If he seems to be going home, I am open to flipping against the returnees. So that's where I stand right now, I have my Ashley relationship which branches out to Casey. I have my Liam relationship which branches out to Johnny. I have my Jordan Pines relationship which branches out to Sarah and Dom. So all in all, I feel safe on my tribe. And I believe that Whitney will be the first to go if we head to tribal.

Other Tribe Thoughts: So my main ally in this game is Alex, I trust him more than anybody else. What I need to be weary of is that he has a great social game which may prove to be an issue for my game further down the line. In the short term, I still want to work in his best interest which tend to align with my best interest. Because of that, I've continued to talk to him, despite being on different tribes. I told Alex as soon as I found out about Dom's idol. He's now looking closely at who Dom is aligned with as we move closely towards this tribal. The issue is is that Dom seems to be close with Jaiden and Ruben. With Ruben dating Lexi, and that right there is 4 people. So it doesn't look like Dom will go home unless Alex can pull a fast one on Dom. I plan to now get on a call with Alex, to find out what is going on presently in the Parvati tribe, but Dom going home is the best case scenario for me for the following reasons Dom is close with Jordan Dom is close with Jaiden Jaiden and Jordan have one less ally, and one more friend in me to depend on and that helps me from a social standpoint. Furthermore, any blood falls on Alex's hands and not minds since he will be exectuing the final action. lastly we get rid of an idol. that could hurt me down the line.

Alex is going for the jugular this round. I hope Johnny stays... hasta la vista Dom ;) Also, PINES, you're a scary player. Please implode sooner rather than later ^__^

LITERALLY I'M ON TRIBAL CALL RIGHT NOW. I FEEL LIKE I'M ABOUT TO BE VOTED OUT. DOM TOLD ME HE DIDNT KNOW ABOUT THE VOTE, RUBEN TOLD ME HE TOLD DOM ABOUT THE VOTE. REGAN SAID SHE ALREADY HAD THE VOTES WHICH MEANS DOM IS A LIAR AND SO IS RUBEN IF I'M OUT I WILL COMMIT

So real life has gotten in the way and I’m a ball of depression so I have no idea where I left off. Therefore, I will recap the first two tribals in this confessional. Aidan left after voting me which was not surprising since he was acting suspicious and I heard Monte was planning on keeping him and ridding the tribe of me after that. I had thrown him a lifeline by telling him the group wanted him out and I would vote with him so if he had just brought himself, Monte and I together that would be a tie at least and I believe I could have possibly gotten Ruben to vote with me. Alas, he did not do that and lied to me while getting voted out unanimously. Steven was rocked out on the other newbie tribe which was crazy for a first tribal? No idea whatsoever of what’s happening over there so let’s move on. If I keep showing up for challenges then I believe that I could make it through a little while longer until a swap where I can hope they target bigger threats and I can hide. Still no luck on finding that idol; the grid is huge but someone could possibly have it already?

Monte left unanimously which was a relief and from the other villains tribe, Ace got the boot which I have no opinion on since it was unanimous and I have no clue as to who he is. Here I am, slaving away, trying to make sure our tribe does not go to tribal by doing the challenge all by myself. I have enough votes for a tie so why do I care at all if Casey does not care to stay, we shall never know. Well I do know, but that takes away from my needed dramatic statement. I just don’t care to lose my mind once more at a tribal. The challenge came down to who submitted quickly and I submitted at the perfect time and won us the challenge. The returnee villains were fuming but if they had an issue with the way it was going to be submitted then they had more than enough time to voice their concerns which they did not until they had lost. I can finally relax for once and just watch as others get taken out.

Nicole got the boot which is a bit unfortunate as I believe I could have worked with her as we are in another game together. Although, she never responds to any messages at times as I found out from that other game which makes me uneasy when I am trying to decipher if she is with me or against me. She came off as a brat to the other returnee villains is what I was told but I did not pay close enough attention to that situation to have an opinion. ~~~Swap time~~~ We have 4 newbies against 5 returnees and 4 villains against 5 heroes so as you can probably do the math, I, Lexi, am in minority, no matter which way you spin it. Jordan came up to me quickly and proposed that the villains stick together and I am all "HELL YEAH! That idea rocks!" but on the inside, I'm more of a "well dude, I would practically align with Satan himself at this point to keep myself safe".

t’s me Lexi hi, just dropping by to say I can feel myself losing my sanity day by day. I still hate most of these people which I cannot place my finger on as to why? A large possibility due to myself hating life right now I suppose. They are a-okay folks; I just needed a dramatic statement to start this off since it's been relatively boring on our tribe. Some speak, some don't, some are playing quite hard... by some I only mean Jordan on that last one. I'll keep him close as I can to push in front of me as a nice shield for later on, but it is hard to trust the guy as I believe him to be close with a number of other people. I love this challenge we had, it's cute and doesn't consume too much time. We won and I will most likely not be in an alliance chat still so here's to hoping for another swap or an early merge. I want to blow up and do something fun but is it too early? Stay tuned

alright so my schedule's getting cleared up. i've got more time and been talking to the few people I hadn't gotten a chance to talk to. it looks like lexi and ruben aren't targets for this tribal. i'm surprised honestly because back in nayak they felt very threatened by their relationships. it makes me feel a little skeptical that there might be some major scheming going on that im not aware of. but i feel fairly confident that i'll be safe as well as lexi and ruben. i've talked to everyone on the tribe and no one has brought them up. the vote is supposed to be split with johnny and jaiden but since johnny has openly targeted and gone to rocks to get rid of lexi, we've decided it's better for johnny to leave. we might upset a few people but at that point we'll be down to 7. lexi, ruben, and i trust each other a lot so i don't see any of us targeting each other. i think either ruben or dom could be with us so im not too worried about any effects this tribal will have.    

Ok so i stopped guessing for the idol because Dom told Ruben he already has it so thats fine. Dom,Johnny,Alex dont talk to me so yikes but dom is close to ruben so i dont really care all that much. Alex came to ruben and said he wants boys to vote jaiden and girl to vote johnny. Which im voting johnny either way but so is ruben and dom so we should be sending johnny out the door which obviously i would love since he didnt have the balls to talk to me after all that rocks shit went down. Alex hasnt even talked to me about the plan so like ok? I dont trust him, he keeps telling ruben WE HAVE TO SPLIT but like youre probably just trying to save johnnys ass and send jaiden home. I mean who knows what Julia,Johnny and Alex are trying to plan. All i know is im voting johnny and so should robin,ruben,dom, and jaiden. Julia says she is but like who knows. Its just weird to me that johnny isnt trying to scramble to anyone.

Ep. 13 - "Basically now, its time for 'Ye Old Big Moveth'" - Ali

LOGAN

I would have won. Fuck u tn Ali.

-

This is insanity. I think in my fear I might be able to flip people to Lydia or Trevor. Because I'm angry. AND IF I GO, I've got one HELL of a voting confessional that's gonna make Lydia not last much longer. Bye bye. You're a sweet person, but no matter what the tarot cards say, you're a threat here.

OWEN

So! Logan tells me that Ali said that Trevor wanted me out this round???? Which is okay. Because I kind of wanted him out too except I wouldn't vote for him. Except now apparently he's voting me?? Anyways I go to ryan and tell him that Trevor is gonna win but I don't wanna vote him and then right afterwards Trevor texts me and says.... 'I'm voting you out' lmaooooo Good one Ryan!!! You sure played me!!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaa!!! So I told Trevor it's okay and that I already knew but that I wouldn't write his name down and idk it's just frustrating??? I'm in a bad position. I can't talk to anyone without them telling someone else except for maybe Logan. Which means the only person I have to rely on is Trevor but he's also like....going. To win. ?????? Idk what Ryan's plan is? He told me he couldn't beat JD or Ali. And there's no way in hell he beats Trevor. So idk what he thinks he is doing. Like why does he want Logan or me out and then leave three people who beat him in the final six with him when it's most likely going to be a final three....????? That doesn't make sense to me. But it's okay!!!!!! :) My focus this round I guess has to shift from targeting someone else to just making sure it isn't me. Fun. I'm gonna lose

LOGAN

I had my anger directed at the wrong girl, apparently. Hopefully... hopefully Lydia won't play her idol on JD. I'm praying so much. If she does, that idol is going to RTP, and we're screwed. I snaked on Ali and Trevor and it backfired, too. I told Owen about Trevor targeting him... maybe... I don't know. I want Owen to trust me, so I gave him The Herb (moly), so hopefully he won't get too pissed. I'm gonna vote off JD because she's #cominforme. Bye hun.

OWEN

IM LITERALLY BEING SO MESSY BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO I HAVE NO WHERE ELSE LIKE I MY BACK IS AGAINST THE WALL???? So I talked to Trevor and he says him and Lydia will vote for JD. But I couldn't help myself so I went and talked to Ali and told him that Lydia and Trevor decide everything?????? Oh my god????? Help. I'm being way too messy but like.... let's see what happens.

RYAN P

Lydia and I are running this game. This round is super tricky and Lydia and I need to set ourselves up to be in the best possible position at the f6 and i think we figured it out. owen and trevor say they have logan....and jd and ali say they have logan....so rather than pick a side and be wrong we are going to split ourselves up...im going to vote owen/trevor with jd and ali while they think logan is voting that way...and lydia is gonna vote with owen and trevor for jd thinking logan is voting that way...essentially logan gets to decide what happens tonight...if logan votes out jd then i just act like i did 4 rounds ago and freak out about keeping owen and trevor around....if owen goes then its all good. lydia has an idol which means next round when jd uses her oasis thing if she is still here we can use that idol to keep us safe at f5 and f6. the only thing that would fuck this plan is if they target me or lydia which we are both going to try and prevent. wish us luck!

TREVOR

https://youtu.be/3BceS13kH3k

ALI

https://youtu.be/-EF8P2K3xRU Hey, this is the video for last round that didn't upload in time.

-

Whew, this vote is developing. Basically now, its time for 'Ye Old Big Moveth'. What it'll hopefully be, is moi,JD,Logan and Owen voting out one of Ryan/Lydia/Trevor, who are a scary trio. Its the right move for me, as those three are all SUPER scary at the end. Furthermore, if it falls through, I have my idol to save myself next round :) Furthermore, Ryan has been spreading that I'm a threat! Like, little old me? I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing, where the zipper has gotten stuck! Like I could be a threat, but I've probably flubbed stuff up. But I'm SOO excited that people think I'm a threat. Who knows, maybe I'll pull this off! :)

OWEN

So there are some things in the world that have happened that could be true or false. Here is the scenario where nobody lies to me: I've successfully convinced Ali, JD, and Logan to vote for Ryan, and I also made Ali think it was his idea. I went to him and I was like...listen look at who is in charge! And they've told me all this stuff about you and JD! And also pls don't tell! Thanks! And he was like who do we vote... And I faksjhjdfs I was thinkign Ryan bc if Lydia used her idol, she can't give it to Trevor and she prob wouldn't idol Ryan - but before I could say all of that, Ali brought up Ryan himself!!! :') Wow this mist!!! Honestly Ali is a smart guy. Except for his mouth. Because he also....told me....he has.....an idol. sajkdfhadskjfadskfhakjshfkjsahfdkjshfkjdshfkjshkjdfhskjdfhkjsdhjkdshdj fuck? I literally ok. He lied to me at first and then. One sec lemme find the tea. [5:24:50 PM] Owen (Island of Shade Host): Do we have any idea what happened to sams idol??? [5:26:01 PM] Ali: I think it died with him :( Like, the hosts said he tried to pass it off, but it was too late. [5:26:17 PM] Ali: Fun Fact: I had no idea that he had an idol, till after he was voted out. [5:26:40 PM] Owen (Island of Shade Host): Omg imagine if you had gotten it though that would be so great awwww [5:26:54 PM] Owen (Island of Shade Host): He never told you??? [5:27:21 PM] Ali: No :( [5:27:31 PM] Ali: Can I backtrack...? :) [5:27:40 PM] Ali: I was gonna keep it under wraps [5:27:48 PM] Ali: But its BURNING ME UP INSIDE [5:27:56 PM] Ali: I have it :) Please tell NOBODY [5:28:58 PM] Owen (Island of Shade Host): HDJDJDJD ARE TOU SEEIOUS [5:29:00 PM] Owen (Island of Shade Host): Ali I'm dying ????? If he's telling the truth then first of all wow that was easy to get him to spill and second wow what the fuck. Whew!!!!!! So I talked to JD and Logan as well and they're allegedly all on board to do Ryan. Hnnnngh Then on the other side, Trevor apparently talked to Lydia who talked to Ryan and somehow they all decide to save me and vote JD instead because of JDs item in the labyrinth and because they're annoyed by JD and stuff???? fsakjhfdsjkds god I seriously am in too deep. Which potentially means: JD and Ali vote Ryan, Lydia, Ryan, and Trevor vote for JD, and Logan and I are the swings. That's where the problem comes in because it means....someone is gonna be pissed. But I really do think it's best if Ryan goes, becayse Trevor and Lydia are gonna want to keep him over me, but they might not want to keep Ali and JD over me later. Plus, I'll earn JD and Ali's trust. And then next round, I potentially have options again because JD and Ali might still think that Trevor is a threat, and I can tell Lydia and Trevor that it's my plan to split votes between JD and Ali next turn. It'll all be okay. Hopefully. But that all only matters if everyone is....telling the truth. Which is unlikely. I find it hard to believe that JD and Ali will keep their mouths shut. So I'm still assuming I'm leaving tonight - but if I do, at least I can say I tried!!!!! I'm feelin a coup lfsjhdfsl let's see if the universe feels back.

LYDIA

https://youtu.be/UE6PddGcAU8

OWEN

Ryan was apparently trying to get Logan to flip so idk. There's a third possibility: me and Logan vote for Ryan, Trevor and Lydia vote for JD, and Ali, JD, and Ryan send me home 3-2-2. But if that happens oh well. I don't want to just vote JD.

-

Someone's getting blindsided. I hope it's not me.

ALI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Md6VtXyFwY My video confessional from this round. This video is older than my written confessional, so should probably be put first.

JD

So yes, this tribal will go one of three ways. Ether it's me, Owen, or Ryan. I think that the idol, oHHHH sorry, I think that Lydias idol is going to get played not Ali's. (ALI HAS AN IDOL, Bless Sam, if he's just have stayed with me and Ali this would have turned out so much different) Bless Ali too but he is young and I think that we both trusted Lydia longer then we should have. I think that shes going to play the idol and ether me or Owen will go home. Or she'll play the idol for Trevor and Ryan will actually go home. That being said it's all assuming that myself, Owen, Ali and Logan are all voting together and that we are a solid group. This vote will show that or not. And let me tell you something, if you have said at the start of the merge that my final 4 was going to change to Ali, Owen and Logan, I would have laughed in your face. https://68.media.tumblr.com/97226d044462bda6b48745561f125a60/tumblr_o5yc9zGZ8N1uzh224o1_500.gif And I guess after tonight we will see what happens. The only other option I can see if if Owen and Trevor aren't actually at odds and Owen is still working with them. Then I'm going home tonight, then Logan, then Ryan then Owen. Cus Lydia and Trevor will not sit with Owen, but probably think they can beat Ali. I'll vote for Ali over them any day of the week, but I also know everything that they has thought in this game.