#Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger
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I’m like Johnny Truant in the tags of every goddamn post I make or reblog on this site and I’m not apologizing. If you want me to apologize come over to my house and you can talk to the minotaur about it
#House of leaves#im literally going insane these days I should go back to journaling but I’m also afraid of how far off the deep end I’ll go#Literally I am losing it and I’m being serious#I’m so fucking tired of being lonely and being left out and not being able to make connections#Sometimes I feel as if im doing things without realizing and no one is telling me about it#Other times it feels like I must have something incredibly wrong with my face or body and no one will say anything#People make plans and don’t bother to ask me if I want to join and then when I find out there’s a group chat that all my friends are in#Except me and when I asked if I could join I was given a bunch of reasons that were frankly bullshit why I couldn’t join#Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger#Am I just a stranger in this world as I unllikeable? I try my best to be nice and charitable but what am I missing?#Do I black out and say things and do things? Am I more mentally ill than I know?#The only reason (or one of the very few) why I stay alive is because of my horses because I know they would miss me and I already feel bad#Not seeing them everyday#I’m tired of being the odd one out I’m tired of being entertaining when necessary#I don’t want my only friends to be horses because it further alienates me from the rest of society and I just want to be accepted I’m not#Looking to fit in I just want connection and friendship and I can barely seem to manage that#Maybe I’m just not worth it.
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Do you ever see a take in a fandom tag and you're like HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH
#it was SO contradictory too ugh. and a mutual liked it!#you disrespect me. you disrespect my whole family#you call us 'stinky poopy babies'#you punched my wife. you kick mah baby you KICKed my FOCKin BABY#you ate our dog. YOU ATE OUR HOUSE#/ref#it's always the people i like too. everytime i want to find a d/ hmis artist or mutual BAM they're mean petty and even a nonce#and mean to peoples with hc's like mine. yes yes it happens in every fandom but not to the point where literally everybody sucks!#aside from my mutuals who are casually into the show you guys are boss <33#a d/ hmis artist will tell me they don't care/ even like my hc's and i'll feel great#a couple months later and they're talking shit about it or liking posts about why people who have said hcs are somehow predatory#as if there aren't actual predators in the tags and their little supportive minions running amuck. who draw LITERAL cp of Yellow#i'm not mad anymore i've become very numbed to this. i end up losing 'friends' to the point where i don't know how to make them anymore.#'course that doesn't mean i'll stop trying though. but give benefit of the doubt and be MASSIVELY let down.#or assume the worst. be RIGHT and yet still be somehow worse for assuming.#so i'm just gonna not interact. i'll still put my s/elfship stuff in the tags though i am above guilt or shame now. Look At My Post Boy#cuz like if all these people can get away with being petty and two faced then i can get away with smooching puppets#make Love not War
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Characters who are intentionally written to be horrible little bastard goblins: ✔️ Hilarious
Characters who are supposed to be viewed as being A Good Person in spite of them continuously doing horrible asshole things that would make any reasonable person fucking punch them IRL: ❌ Infuriating
#.It speaks#About me yo#I HATE THAT SECOND THING SO MUCH#INTENTIONAL ASSHOLES MY BELOVED. UNINTENTIONAL ASSHOLES MY BELOATHED.#The Goody Two Shoes Good Guy Protag @ their sad friend: ''Hey buddy! I am going to shame you for Not Being Happy!''#''Don't you understand that that's rude to all of your friends? You're killing all of our vibes! It Is Morally Bad To Be Visibly Sad!''#All of the other characters: ''Yeah!! What protag said!! We love you and forgive you @ Sad Guy but you need to stop being sad Right Now!''#And Everybody Claps#Literal worst thing in the world.#Like it is DRAMATICALLY DIFFERENT if the protag doing something like this has ACTUAL ACCURATE CONSEQUENCES#Like. Say. Sad Guy bottling too much up for too long and then eventually finally exploding in protag's face.#[And NOT being portrayed as Evil for doing so. Might be SEEN as evil by the protag but Is Not Narratively The Bad Guy For It.]#THAT does not bother me. Fuck yeah Sad Guy tell the emotionally abusive fuck and all their flying monkeys to eat shit.#BUT IF THE LITERAL ABUSED CHARACTER TRYING TO STAND UP FOR THEMSELF MAKES THEM THE VILLAIN OF THE WEEK/SEASON I'M MAD#You know?#Protag who THINKS they are Morally Infallible but is actually perfectly human and wrong/does bad shit sometimes: ✔️✔️✔️#Protag who is a total penis and their dickheadery WINS every time it causes conflict; the /conflict/ is portrayed as unreasonable: ❌❌❌#If you know me really well you can probably guess which specific two characters I am talking about#I hate both of those little bastards so much
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principal difference between hellblazer/nbc constantine and 2005 keanu constantine imo, besides keanu constantine being american, is their attitudes toward food.
hellblazer/nbc constantine: pub food and hearty shit, meat and potatoes and stews and fish. appreciates a good meal, the effort/time it takes to cook it, and the social rituals that revolve around it. also has a taste for the finer things in life and will scam his way into high-end restaurants to fuck around and embarrass everyone there while eating goooood
keanu constantine: runs on dunkin, lox bagels, and not much else. cannot keep things in his fridge or they will rot before he remembers to eat them. obliterates a mcdonalds hash brown in a single bite
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#i just can't see an american constantine giving a singular flying shit about home meals or the family values associated with it#just Cannot be arsed. he's living at the burger king for breakfast lunch and dinner#also i Want to say that keanu constantine is a new york boy born n raised but nah. in my soul i know his ass is from boston#he does Move to and Live in new york after his misadventures in LA tho#it's a big Historical Site which seems on par with london for the kind of sordid and bloody political ghosts it evokes#which is very important to constantine's view of the world and who he is as a person#his family is a line of blue collar dock workers and his dad lost an arm in an industrial accident (canon event)#i also simply ascribe to the notion that keanu constantine has fucking had it with the universe and checked out completely#which doesn't help. he saved everybody once and achieved salvation now he's just. there. existing. it's the worst#food /#food cw#food mention /#food mention cw#just in case#( headcanons. ) I'M JUST LIKE THE BASTARDS I'VE HATED ALL ME LIFE.#is this a headcanon or am i just talking out my ass? Yes
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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Some people on this site are So rude and mean over the most inconsequential bullshit that it’d be funny if it wasn’t actually hurtful.
#signed the side show dog apparently#a lot of the time i think i have crappy social skills but the helpful residents of tumblr remind me i am actually#at least#am not a jerk#different fandom experiences are not a crime and if if genuinely bothers you#that's a You problem#as is a compulsive need to be Correct(tm) all the time#chill the fuck out and leave like actual reasonable people idk it tends to work well for everybody else#but really the people who compulsively correct others Need to chill on this one. If you Have to correct people over inane shit Every time#it's legit a you problem#unless they explicitly asked you to do it#yes yes i know it can be annoying when other ppl get stuff wrong#but listen. somebody being wrong about something that doesn't matter is Not worth making them feel bad to cater#to your own perfectionism#it's not.#and an inability to understand people work in averages when talking about group sizes is unhelpful and pedantic#anyway tldr a bunch of you Need to recognise dumb fandom shit you are annoyed by is not a reason to be a dick to/at somebody#like i would never make a comment about somebody on my page if they'd ever see it#Ever.#i actually check even before i do the tumblr version of sub tweeting somebody#that they don't follow me#because i am not cruel#i'm easily irritated but i'm not mean#oh and btw.... reading comprehension. Try it.
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I am so fucking sick of these stupid arguments. People know bootstrap idealolgy is garbage until its time to own the tech bros or whatever about art and all of the sudden its STOP MAKING EXCUSES!!! Like fuck you people. I dont even agree with the OP being quote retweeted here but suddenly everybodys a small business owner talking about how you can do anything you want if you just knuckle down and WORK when it comes to art when you know damn well thats not how reality works. Fucking assholes
#reblogs off I am just like incredibly mad#I think Ive talked about this before fun fact about me I have tendonitis and at one point it was so bad I couldnt draw for a year#so like I already disagree with the whole 'we were impoverished and I MADE IT WORK' argument but also#thats why I get mad when people do the whole oggghh you can still make art if you cant use your hands! thing#because sure but pretty much any kind of visual art is a huge pain in the ass if you cant use your hands.#like I'd argue any kind of art honestly. I couldnt even type or anything for long periods of time#like nothings impossible but talking down to disabled people like they dont know their own limits and shit#I dunno sorry I know I complain about people being stupid about this shit alot now its just like#now that everybody thinks they have to worry about the robots taking their jobs alot of artists are showing their asses.#again fucking small business owner ass mindset.#I wasnt gonna post this but I keep seeing this take over and over and feel like i have to
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god. not to be sad online. but im sad online
#um. sorry i went on a really really long rant abt my emotions in the tags. hehehoho im sad!#im just like. there's no way im getting older. i feel like i haven't changed since i was 14 and i feel so disconnected from everything#my birthday is in like 3 weeks but i keep thinking im turning 15 or 16 again and i'll be able to live my teenage years again and#do it right this time or something but no! that's not how that works! obviously!#when my best friend turned 18 she immediately started saying ''im an adult im different im older'' but like#i think about how i'll be 18 soon and im just scared and im going to be holding onto teenage years and#fantasies about them that will never happen and it's just exhausting#i know i sound like such a dramatic teenager but i AM a dramatic teenager!#i had so much shit happen to me that made me lose out on so much of being a teenager and it's like#crushing that i'll never get those years back and other peoples choices ruined my life before i had a chance to have much of one#and i've missed out on so many experiences that all my friends got and i feel such a barrier between me and other people#for that reason and i also feel a disconnect between me and literally everybody i know#and making friends is literally impossible for me anymore and i just feel like i keep losing friends and one day i'll wake up and#i won't have anyone anymore. and i find it hard to talk to people who were my best friends for awhile and i just fall deeper into this#pit of loneliness every day and there's nothing i can do so i just give up. i dunno#im so tired and im just so so lonely and done with. existing#and im also never anybody's first choice which is always annoying but#and it's just.... heartbreaking to think about how my best friend will never choose me when her other best friend is there and#how when we all hang out they're both actually mean to me and there's just nothing i can do other than text my mom and cry#and it makes me doubt how much she cares if she gets that way so easily y'know?#ugh it's all juvenile problems but they just weigh so heavily on me :/#okay enough oversharing online for the night im going to sleep now. then tomorrow i'll just#have the same thoughts and it'll only get worse
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I'm in so much pain it's embarrassing. I'm going to look back on these memories of me writhing alone too afraid to sleep biting my knuckles crying about nothing and laugh.
#It's not nothing but it kind of breaks the rhythm and sound repetition to rephrase it as ptsd nightmares dunnit#Okay so the good thing is I am no longer emotionally constipated.#The bad thing is now I can cry and also I haven't felt joy and safety in forever 😐😐#You'd think work would distract me but no! Just sitting in barn staring at horses biting each other and thinking holy shit I'm depressed#I'm so broken that while I was crying last night I felt an urge to go to my parents' room and cry to them#Like holy shit what is wrong with me#No amount of possible comfort from my dad is worth the screaming and disgust from my mom#We had a 'talk' about my mental health aka me avoiding the subject entirely and them going yep you are fine and also you're disgusting#Shave your legs you're making everybody sick and that's why you have no friends#But I did bring up the possibility of me needing to see a psychiatrist#Because of you know the ptsd#But as always they were like 'you were at that school for three months cmon it couldn't have changed your life'#Woman. Sir. I was 12 my brain was still new and I was just gaining sentience#And as soon as I became my own person I get held to a chair and beaten up like in a fuckin gangster movie#Forced to get naked in a room with hateful little girls laughing at me for getting beat up#Who all think I'm a dangerous predator lesbian who's going to kidnap them despite being 12 and 4'8 and#those little girls talked about how they wish their hot stepbrothers would touch them#But I was the predator because I had short hair :(( ?????#It's always my fault for getting beaten up and my fault for people wanting me dead and being disgusted with my existence#I was beaten up because I was annoying I was s/a'd because I was ugly I was abandoned because I was and am repulsive#Man#Fuck the guy who said he would rescue me from this and didn't. I'm not just magically not being abused now that I don't talk to you anymore#In fact it's so much worse enduring abuse when you don't have any friends to talk with or escape to isn't it!!! That's weird huh!!!!!!
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already thinking "and by 'religious' really i mean 'christian'" re: how the term "religion" is not really useful when it's largely like, from a christian perspective, what is considered "equivalent" of christianity, see: perhaps a "rival"/obstacle to some person or group being considered christian....and even if not thinking about converting anyone, resulting in some at best misinterpretation / misrepresentation based on framing it through/as [element of christianity] and limiting of any more accurate language
like how tumblr recommends me a post about someone thinking about "religion" in general and concluding that it's Weird and perhaps Wrong for anyone who is a "true believer" in their religion(tm) to Not be proselytizing / trying to Convert everyone. like yeah why isn't everyone being an evangelical christian, they ought to be, benevolently informing all those around them that they're going to hell, otherwise. don't see any problem with this conclusion, or that someone's getting antisemitic in the notes already in agreement, or that That's Not How This Works and you don't just know how All "Religion" works based on considering it to be an alternate version of christianity (which in itself doesn't All work like that either)
#and even when it comes to having a Critical View of any belief system / way of living / spirituality it's like...people are on that already#without having to see it from a christian perspective or understand the only possible framework for it as [critiques of christianity]....#a dogmatic approach / doctrine of Salvation....not how it all works out there re: ways anyone can be anything besides christian#So Bizarre why everybody's not all trying to ''convert'' everyone else in the world....is it.#what; like; ''you'd think everyone would be launching an inquisition'' like would you.#even if you know fuckall abt non christian beliefs / perspectives / traditions/practices / identities / ways of life etc....#we could maybe go ahead and question this conclusion. or perhaps go ''but also i know fuckall about all that so why am i theorizing'' like.#and again there are non ''western'' christian traditions....and of course individuals and philosophies within christianity who would also#not think you can only Truly be christian by going ''and i'd better be trying to convert everyone. or i'm being a jerk'' too#not actually the case that everyone thinks everyone else who doesn't share some ''religious'' factor is Damned To Hell or an equivalent....#anyways telling tumblr actually this particular post? isn't for me. and i don't thank you#another tiresome factor of [mass at the benedictine monastery] like the homilies/sermons were especially exhausting#they always were but like ''what are you even talking about'' as one priest goes on about how it's silly for people to say they're#Spiritual but not Religious b/c the only way to be spiritual is to be christian lite & if you're Genuinely even christian lite then you#ought to realize you should go full throttle christian. like a) No b) why are we preaching to the choir here. we're all at Sunday Mass???#not like any sermons ever feel that thoughtful when like too much analysis is like uh oh? a bit heretical are we??? which is not universal.#gee thanks for this [are we just supposed to all sit here feeling validated in our superiority; or...?] experience#wisdom you couldn't totally get from someone going on some self-assured monologue abt heathens these days over dinner or sm shit#really makes you think. and then someone will be really thinking & going ''shouldn't everyone w/a Religion be an Evangelist'' hmm: No.#and they aren't ''wrong'' about their own beliefs approaches perspectives identities traditions etc for it either. Done#anyways changed ''religious parent'' to ''christian parent'' for its own enhanced accuracy & precision alike....
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first ever pride is completed and was SO much fun.
#tj talks#everybody was so kind oh my god#i sold most if not all of the earrings and a lot of the zipper pouches!!! i still have some left over#it was just so comforting and loving to have people come up and just 'you should be proud tehse are wonderful' :')#everybody was so SWEET#some girl gave me like three dollars extra and i told her and she went 'i know.' and smiled and walked away and i almost cried#why can't i do pride booths every single month????? pls#something about people fo the community liking my crafts is just. the greatest feeling ever#and since nearly everything is gone i have to make M O R E for the sixteenth now lmao#but im gonna do more mando and grogu themed things too#was very fun but also. exhausting#cause i was there from 8 am to 6 pm on my feet for most of it#doing long events like this is tiring cause its all day but also great because you make M O NE Y#the moment the parade ended the booth was SWARMED by people and it was so exciting but also like holy shit#everybody is so beautiful and kind i love our community i wanted to live in that day forever#but also i am. home and snuggled up now rest time ehehehe#i want to sell more stuff online but that means increasing prices because seller websites take percentages#which is why i can afford to have everything at low prices in person#which almost feels like i'm?? lying to people/???#im worried that when i post online people from events will be like 'well it was THIS much at the market so why is it more online'#but websites take an arm and a leg *cough cough etsy and depop* so there's no other option really
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tw ed :[ sowwy
#tw ed#ack it isnt talked about enough how fucking bad eds are basically everybody i know has had one#tbf since moving to college i have realized that going to art school til gr 12 has put me in a very specific environment of mostly#people who are fucked up the same way i am#but like shit is killing a generation if youve seen the adolescent toronto psych wards jesus#its so so cruel and evil and having an ed is such a miserable existence bc#despite everything you stand against morally .. there is a bug in yr brain#and it is so difficukt to talk about because the nature of the disease is that you dont wanna quit!! so theres always a sense of pride in#talking abt the struggles#anyways#trying not to cry thinking about how im probably not gonna live past 30#i havent been able to keep food down in three days fuck this shit my body is so ruined my body is so fucjed#and im in recovery before turning 18!! im lucky!!#i hate it im already aware of it but it feels almost roo late sometimes#fuck dance industry fuck eds fuck addiction whatevr#mad bc stomach ache literally it#im just grumpy cuz tummy hurts#laying in bed chewing carrots very slowly :-(((((( i want to enjoy yummy food i was to est mac and cheese w out vomiting#if u have an ed you have my sympathies and kill that shit before you hurt someone else bc it is a lame ass way to die#i cant function without so many meds arggg why do they literally groom us for like. early death. mad. mad. tummy hurtx
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#it would be great if i could blame my off days at work as like. yeah i just have some personal stuff going on rn.#but . thats every day#every day i am dealing with personal stuff and on top of that i have someone in a pos of power at my workplace who hated me#they think im out to get them and make them look bad#instead if having a proper conversation they decided t go on a power trip and say that i was the one who is at fault and condescending#like… are u kidding me rn#and now my manager heard me almost cry and i swear they probably talked to that person and for all i know they jsut think im seeking attn.#like BRUH im just trying to do my fucking job in peace and cover my ass. of course there should be an audit trail. you absolute dipshit…..#telling me THAT I couldve resolved things with a phone call. okay bitch then why didnt YOU call me#instead of typing out some long ass response without even taking into consideration my feelings.#god i just. i have no opinion of them on any given day. but. i think i do hate them now#they caused my work to suffer by creating a shit work environment and now im behind bc i was having anxiety about their bullshit messages#they sent me#and now i have to see their face in person tomorrow#RIGHT NEXT TO ME#i want to call off so bad. i want to work from home so bad#i hate everything and everybody ugh#delete
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I'm always like no I can't possibly be autistic I'm so good at being normal but it's literally just because I don't talk to people
#leonard you idiot youve had the same friends for eight years#and ignore everybody else#i literally just. do not talk to people#every time i do i end up rambling about some topic or just not saying anything#it's so hard to like... respond to things! what am i supposed to do. other than like nodding#like i am listening but i show that by replying to it with my own thoughts#but then it just sounds like you're monologuing at somebody#which tbf. i am.#i just do not know what to say or how to say it#and seemingly lack interest in most normal things#i think it's just easy to forget when you're always around people you're familiar with#but every time i have to talk to a stranger or acquaintance it's like. holy shit be more normal. leonard. stop being weird.#gotta listen to what they say. nod. don't go on a rant about russian politics. make a joke. not funny don't make more. DO NOT go on a rant#about russian politics. make a noncommittal response.#i get so bored and so nervous too#i just feel like whatevers wrong w me makes me so annoying to talk to#can't stfu but also give boring responses and am bad at listening#from my perspective at least. im probably overly harsh on myself
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ig my problem is that when ppl who ive never spoken to who dont and will never have a reason to refer to me ask my pronouns it feels too much like the "are you a boy or girl" question. like im cool when theyre asking everybody bc they plan on knowing and talking to all of us. but when they approach me and only me and i dont know them it's like Oh youre just uncomfortable with the fact that i confuse you and you need to be able to classify me
#also it's always cis ppl who do this. lol#ik they dont mean it like that and ik they think theyre being Progressive and Accepting#but it makes me feel unsafe. tbh. like theyre jst telling me that they Know#and i need to either out myself or lie and misgender myself#kind of why i dont tell anyone unless weve spoken before and they ask#much more comfortable to have plausable deniability while not rly forcing myself into the closet#i present the way i do for Me not so you can come up and say 'hey youre confusing and weird what should i call you'#like leave me aloneeee#and it's kind of insulting bc im as much a butch girl as i am a trans guy and it feels like i cant rly be that first one anymore??#like i Am trans but not every percieved girl who isnt feminine is and same with nonmasculine percieved boys#and unless that person tells you they are or someone who knows the person refers to that person that way then you shouldnt assume#idk. like it feels too close to those 'transvestigators.' even with the best intentions why are you looking so close?#like my cis dad actually made a rly good point abt it once#he was @ an orientation when he went back to college and everybody had to write their pronouns on their name tag#and obv he had the whole Old Cis Dude thing of 'im a dude cant u tell'#but also he was like 'why do you need to talk about me. when im talking to you my pronouns are you/yours and i/me'#like yeah!! why ARE you talking about me???#teachers i kind of get bc sometimes when bringing up a point someone made or saying whos in a group they use the 3rd person#but fucking Stacy sitting behind me in chemistry or some shit doesnt need to know#if u rly need to refer to me idk maybe ask what my name is??? or just say 'that person.' it's not hard.#like this last bit is just a Me thing bc both r technically correct. but id rather have someone assume one way or the other#They'ing me w/o me telling u to when u dont do that to other ppl might as well be outing me w/o us ever speaking#like i dont like being theyed for other reasons and generally i do think it's one of the more respectful options if you dont know someone#but dont!!! only refer to visibly trans/gnc ppl that way!! ur not being nice and depending on the place u cld even be putting us in danger#fred.txt
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#WE ARE SO BACK DUDE#MAN#this is like the first good night i've had in a while#goddamn it i fucking hate being an adult and it's something that's frustrated me in a way i don't know how to express for so fucking long#being able to admit that to myself and just say it out loud feels so fucking good. I do not want to do adult shit. i do not want to pretend#to be normal fuck everything and everybody i fucking hate being an adult i hate careers and social niceties fuck everything#god i fucking hate everything and im so happy to be able to say that again. life fucking sucks and thats it#oh my god ive been stuck in a positivity puddle for so long i hate it. complaining and hating is my lifee i will never stop#just oh my god it's so hard to be alive all the time and nobody ever talks about it and just expects you to do everything right all the tim#We are not going to fucking make it dude. what else is there. can we do something else#i feel so expected to just do things right all the time and i feel like people can see that and just make fun of me for existing all the ti#i fucking hate it! literally all of that shit makes me want to die. but like yeah like oh my god putting all of that down might fix me#we'll see. oh god the pokemon video looms large. im on gen 4 but i've been hardcore procrastinating on it. i'm just so done with all the sh#MAN i feel like a real person again i feel like i can breathe. i have been so frustrated w my friends and family for the longest time#and now i just feel like oh. yeah. literally none of this bullshit is necessary. why am i letting all these people tell me how to live#Who cares if im alone who cares if someones watching who cares if people like me i am alone i am happy i am doing what i want#like if i meet my goals and i feel like im doing what i think i should be doing then who cares. i'm having the experiences i want to have#and that's enough. it was always enough. and anybody who says it isn't should get over it. im fine. why are you trying to make me not fine#ok im done im done i just wnated to pour all this out. it feels a little cheesey but legitimately most nights to me feel like they dont mat#and this one is one that for the first time in a long felt like it finally did
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