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did-he-just-hiss-at-me · 4 years

Text

A Lonely Birthday?

warnings: very long. apologies if it takes a long time to scroll past; loneliness, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, touch starvation, war mention(a food war), food mention

summary: Logan almost feels lonelier than ever, on the day of his creation, aka his "birthday".

ships: platonic dlampr, romantic intruloceit

au: Making Amends(my au, post-agreement)

notes: it's no longer nov 3rd here but screw it. also whoops??? i'm kinda projecting onto logan???? if it makes him out of character, sorry ~-~"

--- (cant cut on mobile)

Logan awoke to hear some commotion downstairs. Sounded like a ton of metal hitting the kitchen's tiled floor. Sitting up, he put on his glasses and checked his alarm clock. It was roughly 5AM. Nobody's usually up at this time, except for Virgil on rare occasion. But then again, Virgil is way too cautious to make so much noise.

Sunlight was shining bright through his mindscape window; burning his eyes, and forcing him to look away. Logan glanced over at the ocean creature themed calendar on his door, a big red circle catching his attention. His birthday.

Logan felt an unfamiliar feeling in his stomach, presumably the "sinking feeling" that the others talk about. He wasn't used to having so much attention focused on him as it is, today had to be worse.

Things had been a bit difficult in the mindscape despite them simultaneously getting better; the divide between The Dark Sides and The Light Sides is diminishing fast(at this point, they can even enter each other's common areas without getting sick) and everyone was working through their issues for once.

It felt stupid to be so worked up over an inconsequential day like this. But ever since he started opening up he'd been feeling all sorts of illogical things. Emotions, and stuff. Revealing things that he never would have prior to the merge starting. Logan had been mildly touch starved for ages and gotten used to being ignored for so long... he didn't know what he was feeling or what to feel and it was happening so fast. Logan previously was purposefully hiding whenever he could because everything felt so wrong. It left a chilling, hollow feeling in his chest and the palms of his hands.

But... he shouldn't be doing this. Logan knows this. It's illogical to express these behaviors, and he was trying hard to get through this confusing time. So, Logan was going to make today the best of his birthdays(since he had a track record of lonely birthdays.)

Logan changed out of his pajamas, into a nice outfit, slightly different than usual due to his special day. Instead of his usual shirt, he had a black long-sleeve collared shirt on, and his tie now was dark indigo & purple with constellations. A gift from last year's christmas, from Virgil.

Logan almost got caught up in thoughts about how close he used to be to Virgil(their friendship had been dwindling,) but that was interrupted by more noise; this time hearing more things hitting the floor along with panicked shouting.

Logan walked down the hall, over to the kitchen, or he would have if not for a certain liar stopping and grabbing his shoulder. "Horrible morning, Lo. What brings you out here this early? It's almost 5:30AM, I know better than anyone that isn't part of your schedule." questioned Deceit. He seemed to be nervous.

"Although I should be asking you the same since I know you're a late sleeper, I'll let it slide for the moment." Logan replied while looking at Deceit's semi dark circles, clearly revealing his lack of sleep. "But if you must know, I've heard commotion coming from the kitchen twice now and I'm getting concerned."

Deceit's eyes widened mid-yawn "No-no-no Logan;" he stopped Logan as he started to leave again. "I checked on them already, they're absolutely fine, no worries!"

Logan looked at snakey side with suspicion. Deceit was still trying his hardest to control his lying more often, which results in him accidentally making truths sound like lies.

"I will, uh, take your word for it. I guess i can go back to sleep or something. Let me know when breakfast is ready, babe." Logan informed Dee, who was blushy from being called 'babe'.

"Oh I, uh-absolutely not then, see you!" Deceit hissed nervously & quietly dashed away to the kitchen. It didn't hit him that he forgot to wish his nerdy boyfriend a happy birthday, he was too concerned about making sure the others didn't get into trouble.

...

Deceit entered the kitchen, late enough to see a disaster all over. There was flour, batter, jam, & frosting all over the room, including on the ceiling. He glanced over at Patton & Roman(whom were making breakfast) and saw sheepish expressions on their faces. He then turned his head over to Virgil & Remus, who were starting out the cake. Virgil & Remus had the most ingredients all over them, as if they were in a battlezone, with Patton & Roman looking as if they got stained in the crossfire.

"What the heck happened here?! You guys didn't wake Logan up, he was nowhere close to coming in here and- ugh!" he questioned, clearly disconcerted. Deceit was freaking out over the disaster before him.

"We can explain!" Roman whisper-shouted.

"We have 3 explanations!" blurted out Virgil.

"Pick your favorite!~" Remus exclaimed with a sing-songy voice, grinning. He was hanging from the ceiling, directly above the anxious Side. He then promptly fell onto the emo. "aCK-!" "ooF, sorry Virge!"

Roman was snickering at the two on the floor, but Patton elbowed him. "ow- Sorry!" quietly came from the prince's mouth.

"Logan almost came out here and spoiled the surprise because of our actions! We need to be more careful; Today needs to be perfect for Logan, he deserves it!" exclaimed Patton.

"Wrong. Now Patton, how close are you two being done with the Loganberry pancakes?" Deceit asked patiently. Logan was back asleep, but it was nearing the time he was supposed to wake up, 7AM. They, but especially Deceit, did not want Logan to have to work at all today. He already has a work-free schedule today, but they didn't want to take chances.

"They're almost done!" Patton replied. "Dee, Roman, you guys get out all the toppings please! Virgil, I would love it if you would set up the table for us; And Remus-" Patton's instructions were interrupted by the mustachioed Side.

"Oh oh, can I go get Logan out of bed? I wanna do this personally!" Remus energetically asked with his hand up, like a kid in school.

"Well, I was gonna ask you to bring the pancakes"-Patton pointed to the large plate stacked with Loganberry Pancakes-"to the table, but I'll let you do that instead as long as you don't bring anything Logan may find gross to the table at least this one time."

"I was already planning on doing that, you don't think that I would want to make Logan's day special too?" a sarcastically accusatory tone came from the green creative Side.

"Not at all!" Patton chuckled nervously. "Permission granted."

"Goody!" Remus exclaimed with childlike glee. Roman rolled his eyes with a smile at his brother. His rat-like brother sure did love that nerd.

...

As the the other sides were finishing setting up breakfast at the table, Logan's alarm went off. Gentle classical music waking him from his sleep-or rather, nap. Stepping out of bed, the smell of crofters filled his nose. He could smell his favorite Loganberry Pancakes all the way from here.

During Logan's tidying up of his appearance, Remus knocked on the door(and then proceeded to open it despite no response. Classic Remus.) "Oh Lo-Lo! Wakey wakey! Patton & Roman made breakfast! Guess what it is~!" the green & black fanciful Side shouted, with a bit of flair in his rhetorical question.

"Well Remus, I'm sure you knew that I could smell them from my room, I could smell Crofters from anywhere." the nerd chuckled.

Remus laughed. "Of course I knew that, my dear blackhole!" Logan smiled at the nickname.

The Duke came over to his favorite nerd across the room and gave him a big hug, and his usual good morning kiss. "See you at breakfast!"

Remus sunk out, feeling as if something had slipped his mind. But if his time with Deceit has taught him anything, 'If you forgot it, it couldn't have been important.' Remus didn't know that his snake friend was lying.

Logan stood there for a moment. Twice now; his boy friends showed no indication that they knew it was his birthday. Logan didn't even know why he cared; they had no reason to be celebrating such events, they were just metaphysical human beings inside of Thomas's head. Celebrating birthdays and stuff had no impact.

But still, it left Logan with an empty feeling, Remus's warmth being replaced with the usual chill he felt.

...

Hearing Logan's familiar footsteps approach the dining room, Virgil glanced and over and noticed the living room-which was openly connected to the dining room-had noticeable decorations, causing his eyes to widen in fear. Sitting across from Roman, he whisper-shouted to the royal; "Roman! The decorations! Lo's coming!!"

"What? Oh, right!" quietly came the response. Roman stood up and did a magic spell using his hands, causing the living room to be disguised with a glamour. He had been saving this particular spell for a while, he cannot use spells too often outside of the imagination. The red-sashed prince was glad to have it handy.

"Wow, Roman!" Patton admired, just as he closed the curtains of the window between the kitchen and dining room. They didn't want Logan to see the mess after all, so the door between the two rooms was shut too. "If only I could do that!"

"Maybe if you struck a deal with the Dragon Witch, haha!" the prince responded.

Logan entered the room and stopped when we saw all the food across the table. His eyes were filled with wonder. "Wow..."

"Morning, Lo-Lo! It was your turn to have your choice of breakfast, but we knew what you would want anyway!" greeted Patton.

"Sup, L." "Good morning, nerd!" came from the other two whom had yet to greet him.

Logan sat down at the only empty seat, right beside his loving boyfriends, Deceit & Remus. His pancakes were just the way he loved them: Perfectly thin, just the right amount of fluffiness; and they were topped with syrup, whipped cream, and an assortment of berries.

"Hey, just the way I like them. Thanks." said Logan to nobody in particular. He glanced at each of them with a smile.

"No problem Logan, that was not my doing." answered Deceit.

"I wanted to help too though!" cried Remus.

"You tried to drench his pancakes in chocolate syrup..." Everybody else laughed.

"It's alright Remus, I don't need you to do this for me to know how much you love me." Logan comforted Remus with his smile.

"Get a room!" groaned Roman & Virgil, sarcastically. They both giggled after that, seeing the couple blush before them.

...

"So, any plans for today? Anything special that I may have forgotten to add to my calendar?" queried Logan.

"Oh Logan, there's no way you would be forgetting something, you always have everything on the calendar the moment you hear about it!" dismissed Patton.

"Oh, alright then, good to know." Disappointment. None of them had said Happy Birthday. He didn't want to just mention it, that feels wrong. So he carried on with breakfast.

By the time he was finished, the Creativi-twins were already gone; Virgil was on his phone, showing a bunch of animal photos and wholesome memes to Patton(who was right next to him), and Deceit was in the kitchen. Logan got up to go wash his plate; Patton noticed and nudged Virgil to go stop him, pointing at both Virge and Logan's plates. Virgil nodded.

"Oh, Lo, let me get that for you!" the hoodie-wearing Side got up and yelled, stopping Logan from walking into the kitchen. He gently took Logan's plate away from him and hastily went into the kitchen, making sure to not let Logan see as much behind the door as possible.

Logan, being oblivious said "Oh... uhm, ok. Thank you Virgil." and sank back into his room.

Patton quickly sank out to get Remus & Roman so they could continue with decorating.

"Alright you two, you can get back to decorating the living room!"

"Thank goodness, I wasn't sure how much longer I could take." said Roman with a relieved sigh. You see, Roman can't hold a spell outside the imagination up for long without feeling discomfort and having to put all his focus into it. The Creatwins had lied saying they had something to do together, and went to Roman's room so they don't raise suspicion around Logan.

"But I wanna keep helping Emo-nesance with the cake!" cried Remus.

"Don't worry Remus; I'm sure your creativity would be more helpful to Roman since you have a better idea of what Logan likes!" Patton reassured.

"Plus, you were sorta the cause of that huge mess to begin with, we need to clean that up. NOT have a bigger disaster." added Roman.

Remus agreed and they went to work decorating.

...

Virgil shut the door, relieved. He heard Logan's "thank you" outside the door, but was too anxious to respond. This anxiety-based side was leaning up against the door, taking deep breaths.

"Wow, Virgil. You don't look like you're going to flip out. What happened?" questioned Deceit, whom was washing the dishes.

"Logan almost came in here and saw the mess." was the reply, between a few deep breaths.

"Well, bad thing you stopped him then."

"I wouldn't have noticed if not for Patton, haha." Virgil said as he walked away from the door. "Speaking of which, I'm waiting on him to get the twins so Pat & I can finish up the cake;" glancing over at the bowls of cake batter & frosting strewn across the counters along with other baking things.

Patton suddenly opened the door, the door hitting the wall and making a loud, sudden noise. "Alright! Cake & bake time!" he giggled. Virgil jumped about a foot, clearly caught off guard.

"I- L- Uhm- Oh-...Phew... it's just you Patton. Speak of the angel." he said with relief, adding a chuckle at the end. "I thought you were Logan for a moment there."

"Sorry to scare you kiddo!" came as an apology from the Dad. "Setting that aside, let's finish this cake! Do you wanna help, D- ...Oh."

Deceit had slipped out of the room before either side could notice.

"No worries Pat, he's probably wrapping up his gift now, he mentioned it to me earlier." winked Virgil, acknowledging his pun.

That pun, of course, was met with a hug that almost toppled the two over.

...

It continued to repeat.

Alone in his room. Feeling the need to leave his room. Being subtly stopped, going back to his room. Finally come out for meal(for the final two meals, two different Sides got to choose the meal, but they chose something they knew Logan would like that wouldn't be too suspicious), nothing happens, return to his room again, repeat.

8PM. Logan felt what he predicted to be 'heartache' in his chest. It really does seem like everybody forgot, even though he did try his hardest to make subtle hints here or there, but perhaps they were just too difficult for the others. (Hint, they actually weren't subtle...)

Curled up on top of his bed, tears forming in his eyes, and that hollow chill returned. This was illogical to for him to feel. He shouldn't be dealing with these issues, that's Patton's job. Logan's expectations of the others were too high, they had forgotten his birthday. He really should have said something earlier. But it was way too late now.

Logan felt cognitive distortions flow through his thoughts. He couldn't control them. He began to think that finally intentionally opening himself up to the others was a mistake. Perhaps he would be the same as before if he just never fell in love. Or joined the FamILY. Things could have been easier. He wouldn't have to feel pain like this.

It was way too early to go to bed, but as the tears trailed down his cheeks, he found himself setting his glasses on his nightstand and pulling his weighted blanket over his shivering body.

...

"Alright everyone, is everything ready?" semi-loudly announced Patton.

"Decorations: Done!" Roman confirmed, high-fiving his twin. The two did a great job, they really got what Logan would like just perfectly. Not too extravagant, just a perfect balance.

"I didn't check with everybody already, none of Logan's gifts are ready." responded the snake-Side with an excited and reassuring expression.

"The cake is done, you know that already, Pop-corn." Virgil said with a metaphoric nudge. It was a two-layer, whipped-vanilla-frosted, galaxy-theme-decorated sheet cake. And both layers have crofters frosting inbetween the top and bottom half. Not too much to overwhelm the cake's taste, just perfect.

"I know Virge, I just wanted to hear everybody say that they're done! It makes it feel more complete." admitted Patton. "So that means we're all ready! Get to your places everybody, I'm going to sink out and get Lo-Lo!"

The other four sides scrambled to their places as the sky-blue Side tried to sink into the hall, right into Logan's room. He even made sure his entry was clear. But despite his efforts, he was met with a thump. He couldn't get through.

He tried a few more times. "That's odd, i'm almost always welcome in his room. It's very hard to particularly block somebody out." concern came from Patton's mouth.

"Let me try-" Virgil tried to say but was interrupted by Deceit.

"Yes. Despite my suspicions, this isn't one bit more serious. It might be worse that his boyfriends try to get him." the scaley Side reasoned.

Virgil nodded. "I guess you're right. But what do you mean, your 'suspicions'?"

"Well, you see... It takes alot of brain power to consciously block someone from entering your room. You could stop me from entering yours after all." Deceit paused to look the purple emo in the eyes.

"But it can't easily be done subconsciously, if it's what you want. Logan's unlikely sleeping... which is half the reason I am concerned."

"What do you mean, Fibber On The Roof?" asked Roman, with an unsettling feeling in his stomach.

"One, Logan absolutely sleeps at this time. He prefers to get 8 hours of sleep, period. Sleeping now would lead to too much sleep. Second... well, why wouldn't he want to keep any of us out?" Deceit directed his answers to Roman.

"Why would our dork be asleep at this time?" questioned Remus with a bit of concern.

"I know, but we definitely shouldn't go see what's going on..." responded the snake, lowering his head a bit. "Let's try walking there."

As the sides walked down the hallway to Logan's door Virgil put a hand on the Dad's shoulder, catching his attention. "Do you feel... something weird around us? Like, emotionally?"

"Oh... now that you mention it, I knew I felt something off... it's a sad aura for sure." was the reply. "How did you know?"

"I could feel something too. I think it has something to do with Logan..." Virgil said with a hint of concern.

The two chatting sides, who were a bit behind the others, finally got to the door. "I think you might just be right." reaffirmed the cardigan-wearing Side.

Deceit knocked on the door, in a specific pattern. Two knocks, two knocks, three knocks. Logan & Dee created a door-knocking code to know the basics of why they were trying to come in. Deceit used the "Worried about you" knock.

There was no response. The lying Side tried to turn the doorknob, but it wouldn't budge. Everyone glanced at each other with increasing worry. "Logan, please wake up and unlock the door. This isn't like you." Patton tried.

Roman whispered to Remus. The green twin nodded and summoned his morning star. Everyone was already stepped to the side, so Roman walked to the opposite side of the wall to L's room and prepared to charge.

Virgil had been discussing with Deceit when he noticed what was about to happen. "Roman, what are you-" the red royal Side finally charged. "ROMAN DON'T-" Virgil yelled, catching the others attention, causing them to watch.

Roman ran up to the door and tried to break it open with his brother's morning star. Upon impact, instead of breaking like wood, it acted like solid metal. There wasn't even a scratch on the logical nerd's dark blue door.

Due to the unexpected outcome, Roman fell over, hitting his elbows and shoulder blades on the ground as he tried to save himself. "ROMAN!" cried the cat-loving dad.

Patton & Remus went and helped Princey up, while the other two just stood there and shook their heads. "I'm good, don't worry guys. I've been through worse."

"If Logan does want us to come in, what made you think breaking the door would work?" queried Deceit about Roman's decisions.

"...Well, when you put it that way, I guess that makes sense. But it was worth a shot, right Lyin' Manuel Miranda?" Roman sheepishly tried to reason.

Deceit sighed and shook his head again. "Well, luckily for us, I think I thought of a solution that could work." the snake shape-shifted into, well, a snake.

"Oh, oh! I'll come too!" exclaimed Remus, shape-shifting into a tiny rat, the same height as Deceit.

As the two successfully snuck under the door, the other three watched them with surprised looks. Virgil broke the silence, saying "Roman, I'm not gonna lie, but I thought your idea was more plausible than theirs." (heh, Dee pun)

...

Once through, Logan's boyfriends shifted back to their regular forms. They saw their nerd lying on his bed sideways, turned away from them and grasping his star-themed weighted blanket tightly. (heh, another Dee pun)

Deceit whispered in Remus's ear. "Go unlock the door and let everyone in. Make sure they stay quiet and to the side for now. We don't want to overwhelm him." Remus nodded and went to get the others.

The snake-faced Side walked over to the logical Side's bed and sat in front of him. He started to rub his back and gently wake his boyfriend up.

"Logan, hey, wake up, please."

Logan groaned and opened his eyes. They were red, like he'd been crying. Well, now that he noticed it, Deceit could see tear track stains on the nerd's cheeks. Logan's expression changed from a tired one to a worried one as soon as he realized who woke him up.

"Dee, why are you in here...?" he queried with a mildly distressed tone.

"Well, first of all, you're not following your schedule which was concerning us, second off you were forbidding us from entering while you slept, and third, we-" Deceit's ramblings were cut off by Logan pulling him into a hug.

"Dangit, that wasn't very smart of me..." Logan choked out with a half-hearted chuckle. Voice shaking, he continued with "I... I sh-should've said something-"

"-What do you mean?" Right on cue, the others entered and were listening. Logan still hasn't noticed them.

"I've felt so lonely all day... I haven't felt this feeling since before we all made amends, it all feels so wrong and illogical and it doesn't help th-that-" he started sobbing into Dee's chest.

At this point everyone came up and started to comfort Logan. His boyfriends were hugging him tight, Patton was rubbing circles and other shapes into Logan's back, and the other two were just making sure their presence was known by occasionally saying comforting words with the others.

Finally after what felt like hours(but was actually a quarter of an hour, Logan spat out the rest of his sentence from before. "I-I thought... that you guys had forgotten about my birthday..." he said in between sniffles.

Realization hit all of them at once. They all had been practically ignoring them while they were making sure his party was perfect, not to mention none of them even wished him a happy birthday.

"Oh L... we're all so sorry." apologized Virgil on behalf of the others.

"We were all just so busy behind the scenes, we forgot to make sure you felt notice today!" explained Roman.

"It's quite alright, Roman," said Logan, smiling though there were tears still in the nerd's eyes. "Although... what do you mean 'behind the scenes'?"

The others glanced at each other. Remus stepped in, saying "Oh, you'll see! Go ahead and tidy yourself up first-"the green Side pointed at Logan's messy hair, tear-stained cheeks, reddened eyes and wrinkled clothing. "-And then, you might want to come to the living room, haha!" he laughed. Patton nodded.

"Let Virgil know when you're ready, we'll be in the living room." The others sunk out; while Virgil left the room. Before he was out of sight, he winked at Logan with a gentle smile.

...

In the living room, the others waited in the dark, quietly. They heard footsteps approach, or rather, just Logan's. Virgil has light footsteps, after all. "-I really don't see the point in having my eyes covered Virgil, I can't see where I'm going-"

Patton whisper-yelled. "They're coming, stay in your positions!"

"-Don't worry Logan, we're almost there, just a little more... There!" Virgil finished guiding Logan to the center of the living room and removed the scarf he had tied over his eyes.

Virgil flicked the lightswitch beside him, and everyone jumped out, yelling "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOGAN!"

A happy birthday, indeed.

...

(Epilogue: His gifts uwu)

"Alrighty Lo-Lo, are you ready to open our gifts?" Patton asked, bouncing with excitement.

"Why, of course."

"Alright then, open mine first!" Patton handed Logan a large(about as big as his torso), shiny, blue gift bag.

Upon opening it, he found a light brown stuffed bear and a little white notecard. Logan took a moment to admire the bear, he was awestruck by it. It was super soft and cuddly, its face was comforting to look at; The belly, paws, and inner ears were white and covered with tiny, shiny blue stars. The eyes changed depending on the angle you looked at it; Green at some angles, then brown, blue, purple, and so on. It even had a nice indigo galaxy print bow tied around the neck with the bow in the back.

"Patton... this is... impractical, but I love it regardless." he said with a smile.

Patton came up and gave him a hug. "Don't forget to read the card!" he cheerily reminded.

The small card had a cute little bear face and a bunch of stars all over it. Logan read it aloud; 'To our favorite left-brain nerd, Lo-Gi bear.' He groaned and gently pushed Patton away, while everyone else laughed.

"Here, you cannot open mine next." offered the snake. Deceit handed Logan a black, square box about the width of a shoe, tied with a silver ribbon.

Logan opened it to find a petaminx rubiks cube inside. All twelve sides(heh) matched each of his friends and himself, everyone having two themed sides each. The designs were intricate, making it so he would have to perfectly solve it; and Logan loved it.

Logan gave Deceit a big hug. "Thank you so much, Dee, this is wonderful." Deceit responded with "Of course, specs. I saw that the plain rubix cube you have was getting too easy for you, so I spent a while making this one for you."

Once their hug ended, Virgil cleared his throat and spoke up. "Here's mine, it's nothing really special..." the emo handed Logan a clothing giftbox and stuffed his hands back in his hoodie pockets.

Logan opened the box to find a nice blue cardigan sweater(like this one but with silver buttons and subtle constellations all over) inside. "'Nothing special'? Virgil, I cannot describe how much I appreciate this. Thank you." Logan reassured Virgil with a smile. Virge smiled back.

"Try it on, Lo!" cheered Patton, silently clapping.

Logan snaps his fingers, and immediately he's wearing the cardigan. It fits him well, definitely making him look more handsome. His boyfriends were swooning, and his friends were admiring the fact that for once, Logan looks so much happier.

"Well then; Roman, would you like to show me your gift next?" Logan snapped everyone back to reality, slightly blushing still.

"Oh! Of course, Galaxy Geek! Although, I must confess-" Roman started before Remus excitedly interrupted him.

"We had a big influence on each other's gifts! It's still our own gifts to you but we never would have finished these on our own!" Lo's ratty boyfriend proudly chuckled.

"Aww, I'm proud of you two!" cheered Patton once more. He hugged the Creatwins tight, happy with the progress they've been making.

"Thanks, Pat." Roman gave his gratitude. "Anyways," the prince pulled away from the hug. "You might wanna prepare yourself Lo, this is going to be big!" he boasted.

He presented a Book-sized moving-esque box, but much nicer. When Logan unwrapped the box, he was met with several thick, leather-bound books. Each had a title on them, written in silver ink.

"I've been working for ages, writing all these stories that I knew you would love!" Roman began to explain. "I even accidentally missed last year's christmas working on them..." he regrettably admited. "Oh, and last time, when I gave you that Sherlock Holmes fanfiction I knew that you weren't exactly a fan of the cover, so I spent a lot of time making these nice leather covers!"

Logan was surprised. "Wow, Roman... these are definitely intriguing. Thank you... wait, Remus said he helped you with these, what did he do?" he questioned.

"Oh, Remus gave me inspiration! Since prior to us all becoming friends once more, we had been unintentionally ignoring you, I wasn't quite sure what you would be interested in reading. So I went to Remus for most of the ideas, and had Deceit confirm some of the more concerning recommendations. Right Dee-More-Chill?" Roman answered, turning to the snake for confirmation.

Deceit nodded. "But speaking of our friendly stinkman, where did he go?" he looked around.

"Up here!" Remus called. He was hanging from the ceiling, again. He dropped off and fell into the deceitful Side's arms, only to be met with a bitter reaction from Virgil.

"Aw come on, I had him fall on top of me, and you caught him?!"

"Now now kiddo, relax; We're trying to fix things, remember? Let's not start a fight over something small." Patton gently reminded.

Virgil nodded. Remus ran over to the closet to get his present, calling his twin over to help carry it out. It was a large painting of a galaxy, subtly divided in thirds. One side was Roman's part of the imagination, the other side was Remus's part of the imagination, and the middle was the night sky in the real world.

Logan was-'pun not intended'-starstruck. It was beautiful. The fanciful brothers set the painting down and Logan walked up and gave them a big hug, followed by everyone else joining in.

"I told you, he would love it bro." Roman poked Remus's cheek.

"Yep! That big empty spot on the wall beside your bed had been bothering me for a while, so I thought this painting would be amazing! Roman helped with his sky and the real sky since I'm not too familiar with them." the Duke explained.

Logan chuckled. "To me, all of your existences are good." he told them, which was met with a tighter hug.

That night, they fell asleep in that same room, marathoning a ton of Logan's favorite movies and whatever else he wanted to watch.

Perhaps, Logan will finally admit to himself celebrating birthdays isn't so bad.

#logan #logan sanders #sanders sides #logic sanders #logan's bday 2019 #happy birthday logan #sanders sides fic #intruloceit #dlampr #tw war #war mention #war tw #food mention #making amends au #long post

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mvssmallow · 5 years

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Bloodline, Part VI

Previous Chapters

Soundtrack: Waste It On Me by Steve Aoki (feat. BTS)

It’s a fire truck that wakes him up the next day, blaring with the type of distress and urgency that makes it hard to dream of anything peaceful. Not that he has a lot of peaceful dreams these days. He thinks about his family on the other side of town, of his sister (all grown and in high school now), of all the friends he barely talks to anymore, of work, of life....

...but no matter how they start, his dreams always lead him to darkness, shadow, smoke and a cool smirk that fades every time he tries to get closer.

Maybe he should thank the fire truck for waking him up and cutting short his misery today. Maybe this was good luck. Something like that.

Or maybe not.

Because he’s almost out of food, having left the grocery shopping to the very last minute and then succumbing to the habit of ordering take-out all week out of sheer laziness, resignation and shame.

He makes a strong mug of black tea and drinks it, leaning of the kitchen bench, slowly waking up and trying to mentally make a shopping list. The fire truck’s siren has long since faded and it’s so early on Saturday morning that there’s an eerie hush that washes over the apartment block. Maybe it’s always like this, he wouldn’t know, he never gets up this early.

The search for a clean shirt just reminds him that the laundry needs to be done at some point too but not today, he can only handle one domestic task at a time. There’s a Chicago Bulls t-shirt (left over from high school) and some semi-clean grey sweatpants that haven’t seen a gym for more months than he’s willing to admit. They both vaguely match his favourite red plaid shirt and well worn black Chuck Taylors. As for his hair, it’s a mess that only a navy Yankees cap can cure.

Too bad he can’t even find that right now.

But fuck it. It’s Saturday. The shopping list won’t care what he looks like.

The rice definitely doesn’t. Neither does the bread, pasta or cereal. He buys orange juice and spinach because sometimes you have to try and not kill your body, and besides, for all his self loathing, he doesn’t actually hate himself that much yet.

The check out queue is non-existent and he’s in and out the store in under half a hour. Maybe that fire truck was onto something. Maybe he should get up at 7am every weekend and join the tribe of Early Birds; catch that worm, take control of time, make something better of his life.

Or maybe not.

The bad luck starts in the big parking lot that’s shared between the supermarket, a 24 hour McDonald’s, a bakery and fruit shop. No matter how early it is, there’s always a group of people hanging around.

He hears it before he sees it. And he feels it before he hears it, it’s that prick on the back of his neck, that static over his skin and heat in his stomach that always resembles fear. It’s that feeling you get just before you turn into someone’s target.

He’s 25 now. He’s not a teenager in school anymore. He’s not skinny, small, indefensible anymore. He’s been in fights and knows how to defend himself but whenever he has to walk past a loud group of people, the jittery teenager inside will always be there. The best thing to do is keep your head down, avoid eye contact and get the hell out of there.

It’s a good plan, in theory. In reality, he’s stupid and makes the mistake of looking up. Curiosity is going to get him killed him one day.

Three guys. A girl. Laughter that floats across the carpark. Maybe they’re talking about him. Maybe not, he doesn’t know. They’re dressed in blue and gray and one in all black.

Jiwon.

Again.

He’s everywhere, like an inescapable presence, like a blood red wine stain on white carpet, the longer you leave it, the harder it is to get out.

He doesn’t mean to stare but his eyes like it, they’re drawn to that face in a way that he wishes they weren’t.

Jiwon sees him but does nothing, eyes cold, blank, without a shred of recognition. Even if he had the guts to wave (he doesn’t) it’s too late, Jiwon is already turning away to look at something on his phone. The girl with them leans in close to peer at the screen, saying something that makes that familiar smirk appear, the one he thought only he got to see.

Oh…..

Oh.

It’s delusional, he knows, of course Jiwon smiles and laughs for other people. He’s not special. He’s just a doctor. Jiwon is just a patient. Nothing more. Maybe he thought they had a connection but now, maybe he’s just the gullible sucker that fell for the charming act. He hates being wrong. Almost as much as he hates himself right now.

He rushes to his old car and tears out of the parking lot without looking back.

Jin warned him. But he walked into the web, blindly, stupidly, and got stung. It’s nobody’s fault but his own.

********

He cleans the apartment. Tries to cook a healthier meal. Gets his hair cut. Does Laundry. Irons his shirts. Calls his parents. Face times his sister. Emails a few old friends.

He’ll be a new Hanbin. A better Hanbin who learns from his mistakes.

But New Hanbin still has the same old problems.

“My favourite patient is back!” Jim announces.

He smiles. “Haru? She only likes you because you gave her 20 stickers last time.”

“No, my other one.” Jin says, motioning out the back window.

New Hanbin wants to say no. New Hanbin does say no.

“Give him to someone else.”

Jin looks over in surprise, clearly not expecting him to say that.

But he’s shut down, icy doors closed around his heart, ready to just pack up his room and go home early for once. What’s the point of busting his ass to stay late just in case Jiwon needs him? What’s the point of trying to hide all this from their practice manager? He’s putting his job on the line and for what?

“Yeah okay.” Jin says quietly, sensing the sudden change in the room and not asking anything else.

He’s cleaning his stethoscope when Jin walks in again with an apologetic look on his face.

“Hey, I know you said you didn’t want to see him but he’s cut up pretty badly. Yun’s stuck with a chest pain and Mina’s gone for the day. I can just tell him to go to the hospital emergency department?”

He sighs in angry defeat, checking himself at the last second to stop it from becoming a really unprofessional tantrum.

“Take him to the treatment room and just….give me a minute?” He says, defeated by how much he can’t escape any of this.

“Yeah okay.” Jin says sympathetically. “Sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

Once he’s alone, he throws his equipment in his bag with too much force that part of him wonders if he broke something. Not that he cares. He doesn’t.

The walk to the treatment room is both long and short. He pauses, takes a breath and walks in. Jin is prepping the suture trays and anaesthetic. Jiwon looks up and gives him a sheepish smile that fades quickly when he doesn’t return it in quite the same way. But who is going to blame him? He doesn’t feel like smiling.

“What happened?” He asks, putting on a gown and gloves and trying to keep everything clinical.

“Accident in the kitchen. Tried to cook Jiun something I guess.”

Why does he bother? It’s just pretence now. He asks a question, Jiwon lies. That’s what their relationship is.

Relationship? His laughs to himself. There’s no relationship.

He peels away the towel wrapped around Jiwons arm, there’s a jagged shaped laceration over the wrist joint. It doesn’t look like an accident. It looks deliberate. Like all of them. The wound was half healed, half open, like it’s been days already. Like all of them.

Jin stays with him and he’s grateful for it because there’s a buffer now, he can just sit there quietly cleaning and stitching Jiwon back together without having to socialise when he doesn’t want to. Jin asks them both boring clinical questions, ‘Is that painful?’ ‘Are you dizzy?” 'Do you need more saline?’ 'Which bandage do you want?’

Easy questions that fill the silence and don’t really mean anything important.

Once or twice he catches Jiwon’s curious and questioning eyes but Jiwon’s not the only one with a poker face. He can give as good as he gets and right now, the look he keeps on his face is cold but of course it is, it’s always the coldest when he’s hurt.

Without all the small talk and cute jokes, the stitches hardly take any time at all and when he’s done he leaves Jin to tidy up and bandage the wrist. He prints a prescription for antibiotics because the wound looked dirty, like it was done with a rusty blade. He tries not to think about that.

“Stitches need to come out in 7 to 10 days.” He says, not offering a repeat appointment because he knows Jiwon won’t turn up anyway.

But if he thinks he’s winning at this I’m Fine game, he’s wrong.

“Okay. Thanks.” Jiwon says, putting his jacket back on and folding up the bloody towel he came in with.

He hates that knows what Jiwon blood smells like, all earthy, elemental and ominous. It makes him sick and ache at the same time.

And then.....he’s gone.

“Is it always that weird?” Jin asks carefully.

He can only shrug. “Thanks for helping me out. I really appreciate it. I owe you one.”

“I do like those raspberry danish pastries from the bakery down the road.”

He smiles, adjusting the grip on his bag and pausing at the door. “Expect it on your desk tomorrow morning.”

It’s safe when he gets home. The world outside his apartment can go fuck itself, he’s done playing the game. He just wants to be left in peace. No more drama. No more guys who never give him any time of the day. No more.

But when he sleeps, he dreams. And when he dreams, all he sees is Jiwon and all he smells is blood.

New Hanbin sinks back into his Old Habits.

“I have bad news and bad news.” Jin says the following week. “So which one do you want first?”

“The bad one.” He says with an eye roll.

“He rang up before.”

“Who?”

Jin just gives him a withering look.

“Well, what did he want?”

“To make an appointment.”

“And...?”

“He did it from a pay phone or burner phone because I couldn’t get a record of his number.”

“So?”

“It’s for his kid brother. He wouldn’t say what, just that the kids been sick and wanted an appointment.”

He tries to play it cool, New Hanbin is detached. “Did you book him in with Yun? He’s good with kids. Better than me anyway.”

Jin furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “He wanted an appointment with you.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I thought I was fully booked.”

“Not on Thursday.”

“Well, Yun’s still better with the younger patients.”

Jin looks like he wants to say something, something resembling a lecture, but he just sighs instead. “He only wanted an appointment with you.”

He shakes his head in defeat and tries to remember the Hippocratic Oath from Med School. “Yeah...okay.”

****

“So what’s been going on?” He asks Jiun with the friendliest smile he has. “Have you been sick?”

Jiun nods.

The entire consult goes like that; he asks questions, Jiun doesn’t say a word. It’s not exactly that different to his brother.

“Jesus, use your words Jiun. You didn’t have a problem with ordering the pizza last night.” Jiwon sighs in exasperation.

He’s about to say something about not pushing kids out of their comfort zone, how mutism is a defence mechanism, how this might be a lot of PTSD....but then he remembers that he’s not Jiun’s brother or parent. He’s not family. He’s just a doctor.

“It’s okay, you tell me when you feel like it.” He says instead. “We’re doing perfectly fine.”

He hears Jiwon sitting back and probably grumbling about being the bad cop to his good one but he doesn’t care. Jiun is his patient and his priority. Brothers with attitude problems will have to wait.

After a small amount of gentle coercion, he’s finally allowed to examine Jiun’s throat and is relieved when it’s just a mild case of tonsillitis. It’ll only need a short course of antibiotics and a little bit of care. It’s fortunately not serious but one of the hazards with starting school, kids are germ sharers and he warns Jiwon that Jiun might catch more infections over the next 12 months.

“Great. We’ll be in here every week.” Jiwon mutters.

He tries to ignore the way that stabbed somewhere in his chest, instead he focuses on peeling a few dinosaur stickers for Jiun to put on his t-shirt.

“I’d like to review him next week, make sure it’s improving.”

Jiwon nods. “I’ll be out of town Wednesday though.”

“What about Tuesday?”

“No, I’ve got a-”

A what? he wanted to ask but doesn’t. A job? A meeting? A date? What?

“Okay. What about Monday?”

“Yeah. Guess so, sure.”

He gives Jiun the appointment card to hold and puts another sticker on it.

“Remember to take all your medicine okay? You’ll be better in no time.” He says, crouching down to Jiun’s eye level. “If you still feel sick, tell your brother.”

Jiun nods enthusiastically then goes right back to looking at all the stickers.

He dreads this part; the small talk by the door. Jiwon shifts awkwardly as he straightens up and looks at him in the eye for the first time in, what feels like, a long time.

“Is your wrist okay?” He asks, keeping his voice neutral and professional.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Jiwon replies in the exact same tone.

They look away at the same time.

And then Jiwon’s gone. Jiun turns to wave at him but his brother doesn’t look back once.

****

He should’ve know something was going to happen. The day started late, his computer crashed half way, there was too much sugar in his coffee.

It’s 6:30pm when he finally leaves the clinic to walk to his car. He got to the clinic so late this morning that all the staff car parks were full and he had to take one a whole street over.

It starts with the footsteps, unfamiliar breathing, then something cold pressed against the back of his neck. His heart thumps erratically inside his chest and his entire body is electrified into paralysis.

I’m going to die.

This is how I die.

“Money and keys and I won’t blow your brains out.” It’s an unfamiliar voice he can’t place, deep but young at the same time.

He fumbles around his pockets, throwing the items on the ground before leaning his head against the car roof, staring into a deserted parking lot and praying to God that someone passes by.

But then...nothing.

“You that doctor from the clinic round the corner?”

He’s too shocked to even reply.

“Need to borrow a 50 okay? Sorry bro.”

His wallet and keys get put back on the roof of his car.

“Might wanna park someone else, yeah? Don’t wanna get jumped proper.” The voice says, chuckling. “Never know what kinda people hang around here.”

He’s told to count to 10 before turning around. He doesn’t know why he does it but he does it.

The guy is gone before he hits 8.

The adrenaline is suddenly so overwhelming that he snatches up his belongings and speeds all the way home, only stopping at the hardware store to get new dead locks for his doors and windows.

What the fuck.

What the fuck?!

“What the fuck.” Jin says over coffee the next day. “So he just takes a 50 and just leaves you alone?”

“Yep.”

“That’s the weirdest mugging story I’ve ever heard. Bakery Guy had his car stolen in broad daylight last year.”

**** Monday rolls around faster that he’s ready for but just as well, he was turning increasingly paranoid and had spent the entire weekend replacing every single deadlock and bolt in his apartment.

He’s glad to see Jiun though. There’s something about the mutism that kind of works for them. Maybe there was even a smile or two today. After he gives Jiun the all clear and leaves him to pick out new Spiderman stickers, Jiwon finally speaks, voice strained and tense in frustration.

“You planning on telling me about what happened last week?”

“Nothing happened?”

“Nothing?”

“Yeah.”

Jiwon looks at him in restrained disbelief, jaw tense from holding back whatever it is he wants to say. But there’s no lecture or demands for answers. There’s just a small package that’s slid across the table.

“Keep it on you.” Jiwon says, holding his gaze with the kind of serious and steely look that he half wants to back down from. It’s not so much a request as an order.

It burns in his hand. It burns in his pocket. He never stops thinking about it. Is it a bomb? A gun? A gift? Why did he take it home? Hasn’t he learnt anything this whole fucking time?

But it’s here now, sitting on his dinner table, wrapped in unassuming brown paper. He’s stares at it all night, pacing around his apartment until it’s nearly midnight and he’s worn himself out to the point of exhaustion, only opening the package with shaky hands because he’ll never get to sleep otherwise.

There’s a crumpled 50 dollar note.

And a black butterfly knife. Double edged. Sleek and cold with a perfectly symmetrical black blade that barely glints under the light. There’s something sinister and ominous and, as much as he hates to admit it, exciting about that. The handles close with a metallic click and the entire knife folds neatly to fit into his hand.

He stares at it with a combination of disbelief and fascination, feeling the push and pull of hating violence and being drawn to it at the same time.

He puts the knife in a drawer at the back of his wardrobe, as if out of sight will mean out of mind, but his eyes are drawn there like magnets, he can feel it’s dark ominous presence flooding his apartment, like that blood red stain that seeps further and further into his life.

How can I get him out of my system when he’s already everywhere?

He falls asleep with the cold metal in his hand, gradually warming up because even the hardest cut steel responds to human warmth after awhile.

#Bloodline #I know I know #CWAC was meant to be updated next #but all those asks about BL just made me want to write this today #Jiwon #Hanbin #BL stuff #i like the sentiment of that song #i hated it when i first heard it #but now i love it #it's sad af #like.....most of me wants to scream: DON'T SETTLE #but at the same time-sometimes you fall for people who you will let step all over you #just for some of their time #it's sad #but it happens

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rainbowglittr · 3 years

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Love and Marriage - Chapter 7 (Mature - Minors DNI)

Description:

After a loss in the family uncovers a family secret, Jaleia and her husband Jesse are forced to balance one family crisis after another along with their budding careers and their plans to expand their family. Will the pressure to keep everyone else together ruin their own relationship? Can ruined relationships be fixed before it’s too late?

tw: pregnancy loss

Chapter 7:

"JESSE! JESSE! COME HERE RIGHT NOW!" I yelled from the bathroom. I heard his footsteps get louder.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"He said, looking worried and out of breath.

"Look at these." I showed Jesse the pregnancy test I had hidden behind my back.

"You're????? Preg-What?" He said, his faced was so shocked. He picked me up and spun me around.

"I don't know what made me take the test, I'm only like two days late but I just thought might as well and, well. I'm pregnant!"

"Oh my God!"

"We're gonna have a baby!"

"We are gonna have a baby!"

"But you can't tell anyone. I don't want to tell anyone until I'm past the first trimester. In case, you know. " I told him,

Holding his hands.

"Not even my mom?" He said.

"Definitely not your mom! She would tell everyone, and she'd want to give me advice I didn't ask for, she-" He kissed me, his hands holding my face close to him.

"I won't tell anyone, I promise."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I looked around Starbucks, before my eyes found who I was searching for. Her maroon purse sticking out from her perfectly coordinated black pantsuit. She hadn't seen me yet because she was on her phone so I snuck up behind her.

"Ahhhhhhh!" I screamed as I jumped out at her.

"If you don't stop doing that, you crazy person!" She said as she slapped me on the arm. I laughed and sat down next to Kiara. My very best friend since the second grade.

"Hey sis, what's good?" I said smiling like I hadn't just acted a fool.

"Don't give me that after what you just pulled!" She said while giving me a hug. We hadn't seen each other for way to long. Over a month and I really missed her. We both picked careers that had us extremely busy. While I went to medical school, she went to law school and now works at a law firm that does hundreds of cases a year. She specialized in Family Law. It was great when we both went to med/law school because we both understood how busy we were and although we could barely hang out we were still super close. Now we are both Married- after being maid of honor at each other's weddings. (That caused a huge argument with my sisters cause I didn't choose them.)

"Did you order yet?" I asked her.

"Yeah, but I ordered for you too." She said.

"It's these moments when I realize how much I love you. So what's been going on?"

"I have a crazy divorce case. Sis, they are tiring me out, drugs, cheating, pettiness, kids! I mean this case could drag on for another six months! I'm tired of dealing with them."

"Well, as you know divorces are messy. Are these the ones that keep posting everything on Instagram Live?"

"Yes! No matter how many damn times I tell this woman, 'stop putting everything on Social media, this can and will be used against you, it doesn't matter what he posted on Facebook,' she won't listen and it's making this more difficult than it has to be!"

"Aww, I would say it'll get better but she ain't gonna listen. How's your mom, how's Mike and the kids?" I asked. Mike is her husband.

"Everyone's good. Mike is getting on my nerves as usual. But really he surprised me at work a few days ago with flowers and lunch. It was sweet! The kids are fine."

"Awww, he surprised you?"

"Yeah, but not as much as I surprised him later!"

"Nasty!"

"Its natural! Our drinks are ready." She said. I got up.

"You ordered and paid, I'll get them, sit!" I walked up to the counter to grab our drink and brownies- there is no way I would ever leave Starbucks without a brownie. As I was walking back to our seat I saw the cutest little girl- only about 1 year old. I had to stop and say how cute she was. Her mother had the prettiest dreads with beads and her little girl had the cutest afro-puffs. In nine months that would be me and Jesse. Our little baby was growing inside me and it took everything in me not to tell Kiara. But if I made Jesse promise then I couldn't tell either.

"Your daughter is so cute!" I said to the mom.

"I guess you didn't see me trying to get her out of the car. Thank you, I'm Alicia. "

"Jaleia, she's so adorable!"

"Thank you, Ari say hi!" Her mom said. Ari looked at me and waved her hand. I waved back.

"Aww, I better get out of here before my fraps melt. Bye Ari!" I said waving again.

"Say bye Ari!" Her mom said. I waved again and got back to my seat.

"So what did you stop for?"

"A baby, she was so cute! Don't roll your eyes! Babies are very distracting!" I said handing her a drink and her cookie.

"Anyway, how's Jess doing?"

"He's much better, Diana is staying with us temporarily. His mom is selling the house, and poor Di can't stand to be in it. So she's staying with us until Aiesha finds a new home." I sipped my frappuccino.

"How that been going besides scaring her for life?"

"First of all it's not funny. I have never been more embarrassed. You know what we should do?"

"What?"

"You should come over and have a sleepover!"

"Girl! Who? I have two kids!"

"So? I want this so it should happen." She laughed.

"Maybe some other time."

"Oh come on! Please?"

"Maybe."

"Please."

"You're never giving this up are you?"

"Nope!"

Kiara sighed. I could tell I could wear her down if I was persistent enough.

"I'll think about it."

>>>>>>>

"Babe, I'm home!" I yelled as I walked through the door after meeting with Kiara. Usually I hear Jesse respond back but all i heard was yelling. I couldn't make out what they were saying but I could hear Jesse and Diana yelling at each other. I put my stuff down and started climbing up the stairs.

"Well you're not my dad! You're my brother, why can't you just be chill about this?"

"I'm not dad, but while you live with me, I am responsible for you and you cannot stay overnight in New York! Are you crazy?"

"Are you? Can you get out my room?" Diana asked. I peeked into her room. I could practically see steam radiating off of Jesse at this point. I put my hands on his shoulders and said, "Maybe we should give her a little space."

"How much space does she need? She's in my damn house." Jesse said, but allowing me to steer him out the door. We went downstairs to the living room.

"What happened?" I asked him.

"She's mad at me because her and her little friends want to camp out in Central Park overnight to see the free Trevor J concert and I said no. Can you believe it? Central Park, at night?" He said as he started pacing.

"Wow, yeah that's crazy. I would never. Overnight?" Central park is NOT the place for sixteen year olds to be at night. New York was my favorite city but the people there are crazy as hell. There's no way she thought that through.

"I offered to take her and her friends early in the morning but apparently that's not good enough."

"Calm down babe, you're going to walk a hole in our carpet."

"Who the fuck does she think she is, talking to me like that? Damn right I'm not dad or he would've knocked her teeth out for talking to him like that. She must've lost her damn mind." He said still fuming. I grabbed his hand and pulled him close to me. I kissed his cheek gently.

"Give yourself and Diana a few minutes to cool down. Once you compose yourself maybe you can talk to her and work that out. When's the concert?"

"I don't get it. I have been nothing but nice to her. What the hell was that?"

"Babe, I know that this is frustrating but don't forget she's not herself. She's still struggling and this whole brat thing is just a reflection of that. She's a teenager. They're crazy." I said as I wrapped my arms around him. He sighed, and looked at me.

"Yeah, you're right. How was your day?" He said, rubbing my back.

"It was fine. You know I met with Kiara today."

"Yeah, how is she?"

"She's good, Mike is going to have some sort of kickback, or something I don't remember but you're invited. Text him. We have a doctor's appointment this week."

"Are you excited? What time?"

"I am so excited! We're going to have a girl and she's going to have your face, and your voice, and my brain, and she's going to be so cute and-"

"Wait, You gotta tell me when and where, Love."

"Oh, sorry. I forgot. Um let me get my phone. I think Thursday at 6:30. Does that work?" I said looking around for my phone.

"Anytime works, love. I'll be there no matter what." He said kissing me.

"I'm so excited!" I said bouncing up and down.

"I can tell," he laughed, "You wanna hear my new song?"

"Yes! Carry me!" I said. Jesse bent down and I climbed on his back.

"You know there's going to be a time when we're both too damn old for this, right?"

"But that day is not today, to the studio!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

After a long discussion about respect, Jesse and Diana had come to an agreement. The concert was on Thursday at 7am. It was one of those morning show concerts. They would get up really early in the morning, meet up with her friends, go to the concert, Jesse supervising of course, and would spend the rest of the day at Jesse's studio in the city. All Diana had to do was not catch an attitude. I admired how much Jesse was really trying with his sister. Even though she kept pushing the Hell of out his buttons he still tried to be fair and understanding. I could tell he was going to be a really amazing father and that made me even more excited. So far we both were able to keep my pregnancy a secret even though I felt like I was about to explode.

Jesse's mom scheduled Diana with a grief counselor. Jesse was supposed to take her every Saturday. When they told Diana, she blew up on them and her mom almost snapped on her. Jesse had to keep Aiesha from slapping her into another century. Eventually she agreed to go, (as if she had a choice) and everything calmed down. She had been really moody lately and driving Jesse crazy but I guess since he was going to take her to the concert she had been calm for the past few days.

Jesse was in the basement with his friends playing 2K or whatever game they were into this week. Naim, Dre, and Jamal have been his best friends since college, Mike got along with Jesse as soon as they met. We used to do a lot of double dates with Kiara and Mike. I was never a video game person, so I didn't know what the difference was between 2K, COD, or whatever. Jesse didn't play that often but when he did, you could not get him away.

I was doing the laundry, which meant I had to keep going up and down to the basement where our washer and dryer were. Jesse and I took turns with a lot of the chores, and it was my week to do the laundry. Every time I came down I would watch Jesse with his friends for a bit. They were so cute. They would have their snacks and beers on one table, videogames on another. Half the time they would argue about sports. Jesse was a big kid again.

As I took the clothes up, I stopped and yelled, "Do you guys need anything?"

"Nah, they can get their fat asses up!" Jesse replied.

"You just mad cause you lost!" One of his friends said.

"Shut up, man! Can we get some more wings?" Jesse asked, looking up from the TV for just a moment.

"Sure babe, I'll be right back!" I said and started climbing up the stairs.

"You need help?" He asked, eyeing the basket of clothes.

"Relax, I'm fine, it's not heavy." Once I got upstairs I put the clothes down on a chair, when I looked up Jesse's mom was sitting on our couch.

"How did you get in here?" I asked in disbelief.

"My key." She said as if it was obvious. We never gave his mom a key to our house. Did we?

"Who gave you a key?"

"Where's Jesse, I have to square a few things away with him."

"Downstairs. How did you get a key to our house?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" She said smugly as she walked into our kitchen. What the hell is wrong with her? I stood halfway down the stairs.

"Jess, your mom is here, and did you give her a key to our house?"

"It was supposed to be for emergencies." He said not even looking up from the game.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"I didn't think I'd have to, I never thought she'd need to use it." He said, still not looking up.

"Jesse!"

"Jaleia!"

"If you don't get your ass up here in the next thirty seconds!" I yelled. He hit pause, to which all the guys groaned, and started to come up the stairs.

"You know I'm just kidding with you." He said.

"I know, but did you really have to give your mom a key?"

"I didn't think she'd actually use it." I rolled my eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me."

"Or what? What you gon' do? Huh?" I said, slightly pushing his shoulder.

"Come here!" He said and I ran behind the couch. He chased me, almost caught me until I jumped over the couch. I ran into the kitchen where I had to make a hard stop, just to avoid running his mom over. Jesse came behind me two seconds later, putting his arms around my waist and his chin on my shoulder.

"Sup mom." He said as we both tried not to laugh at her look of confusion.

>>>>>>>>>>>

It was Thursday evening and we were driving to my OB/GYN appointment and Jesse was telling me all about how great the concert went with Diana.

"Yeah, she had a great time! Not a single complaint. She said at the studio that she wanted to spend the summer there interning for me. I was shocked, I didn't think she would be interested but I guess seeing it in person is different."

"That's great! Maybe it will be good for her. She can sing like you, maybe she will grow that talent."

"Yeah, I would love that. But I already told her that she would have to be professional, and listen and do what I told her. So if she can handle that, it'll be lit."

"Lit? Really lit?" I said side eyeing Jesse. I turned into the parking lot of the Doctor's office.

"What? I can't say lit?"

"Not after turning twenty-five, no. Ready?"

"Wait, can you turn around you got something on your-" He said so I moved closer to him and he kissed me.

"Now I'm ready." he said.

"You so silly!" I said smiling.

>>>>>>>>>>>

Jesse sat in a chair next to the exam bed. He held my hand while we waited for the doctor to return. He started to softly sing Lost Without U by Robin Thicke. I smiled as I listened to him sing. The door opened.

"Hey Doc!" Jesse said. I slapped his arm.

"Hey guys, I got the results of your blood work back." Dr. Carter said.

"And?" I said, my heart speeding up because the look on her face wasn't exactly a positive one.

"I'm sorry but you've had what we call a chemical pregnancy." Dr. Carter said.

"Chemical pregnancy? What does that mean?"

"That I'm not pregnant anymore." I said looking down at my lap.

"Unfortunately, the embryo never implanted in your uterus, due to some sort of issue during development. Sometimes genetic or chromosomal but most of the time we'll never know. Your body recognized that it wasn't a viable pregnancy and stopped the pregnancy from continuing. There was nothing that could've prevented this from happening I'm so sorry Jaleia."

I didn't say anything. I felt Jesse kiss the side of my head.

"Um, when could we try again?"

"I would give it about two weeks just allow everything to return to normal but really as soon as your ready to try again you can. As long as there are no abnormal symptoms, you can try again whenever your ready."

"Thank you, Dr. Carter." I said.

"I'll have a nurse prepare for at- home instructions for you. If you have any questions or anything concerning happens call me, I want to call me. I'll see you again in a week for a follow up. I'm so sorry."

"Thanks again, Dr. Carter." Jesse said. She walked out the door. Jesse squeezed my hand.

"I'm sorry baby." He said, kissing my cheek.

"I don't know what to say." I said. I got off the exam chair. Jesse held out hands and I fell into them. I could feel the tears flowing down my cheeks as he rocked us back and forth.

"I just wanted this so bad." I said.

"I'm so sorry baby. I know how excited you were." He said, rubbing circles into my back.

"Let's go, I want some ice cream." I said. Jesse chuckled, and grabbed a few tissues and wiped my face with them.

"Then ice cream is what you'll get, Love. I love you."

"Love you too babe."

#love and marriage #original story #writer on tumblr #black writers #black characters #tw pregnancy loss

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flyswhumpcenter · 6 years

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Clé de Voûte [Fever February Day 14 - Feverish Confessions]

FEVER FEBRUARY INDEX

Summary: Everything has just went so wrong before, he can't allow things to go even worse. What a shame, his mind has gone insomniac, unable to sleep, invaded by black clouds of negative thoughts and what ifs. If you take out the keystone, everything falls apart. That's why someone needs to keep the gears in place, and it'll be him.

Except it doesn't go the way things should go.

Fandom: IDOLiSH7 (which is probably gonna end my laifu for being an idiot and a creep I’m deeply sorry)

Word Count: 3.4K words

Notes: I kept spamming Lordi with quotes because I was afraid of going overly edgy as if I was developping Shadow the Hedgehog. This is half "trying to fit myself in Iori's shoes" and half "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGST". Sorry for any OOCness, you could guess it's the first time I'm writing stuff for I7 hahaha plz end me

If I had to place it in the actual game/anime chronology, it would be after Music Festa for sure, before the end of Part 1 too, but where exactly it would stand between these? Hmmm good question.

seriously I'm sorry what am I doing i don't even know shit about idols

Content warnings for implied panic/anxiety attack and spoilers until Part 1 Chapter 11/Episode 10. Also a shitton of headcanons.

AO3 version available here.

The plan was simple: deal with exams the day, deal with the idol business afterwards, find some time for school and homework on the evening, sleep, rinse and repeat. It was fairly easy. It was all a question of balancing things out properly. Nothing he couldn’t, wouldn’t, wouldn’t be able to manage, in short.

And while it worked until then, everything fell apart when he got insomnia.

The eight hours of sleep were essential to the plan. Thanks to them, he could have enough energy to go through, as easily as ever, everything he had to do. Everyone was counting on him, from his band members to their manager.

But if he couldn’t get what he needed, then it would all fall apart, and he couldn’t bear failure. Not after the catastrophe at Music Festa. He had to hold it together, just so he could prove (probably to himself, but also to all the others) he had everything in control when, really, it was less and less the case.

As exams ended, they’ve had to take care of the web show. That’s all he could think of, in his bed: he knew he had succeeded at the exams, but he was… worried for the show. The guys kept derailing everything, from spoiling what was planned at the end of the broadcast to teasing each other until one of them burst out. Luckily, he never burst out.

He rolls around. This isn’t time to be unable to find sleep. What worries him is that he’s seen his sleep dwindle with days passing. It has gone from eight, to seven, to six, to barely a couple hours, to tonight. No sleep. He’s going for a full-on sleepless night.

3AM. He’s still up and running. Maybe he should go outside, breathe some air and come back. Maybe a walk will help him. It’s settled. He’s getting back into casual clothes, quickly, and makes his way through the dorm, in near complete silence.

Outside is empty. Desert. Cold. The temperature is, after all, the only thing which it doesn’t have in common with the inside of his room. He walks around the lit streets, waiting for something to happen so he can recover his sleep. He feels tired, if not downright exhausted, but if his mind is elsewhere and his heart growing in panic, exhaustion won’t make anything better.

That’s the issue. Black thoughts, clouding his brain and capacity to think properly. He knows his schedule is broken with no hope of fixing it in time for the next shows. It’s as if, as soon as anyone breaks out from the script he’s helped writing, he loses minutes of sleep he unexpectedly needs more than team spirit and whatever idol bands are supposed to do to keep it together.

He knows he won’t avoid that one because they’re only three on the stage. Nanase, his brother and him. All the others are torn between auditions, MEZZO” and filming. And that’s fine, because the group needs to extend their perspectives before they can all debut together, as seven, as it was always meant to be.

What’s not fine is the fact he’s now insomniac.

He takes that back. There’s something else wrong with him and which interferes with his scripts and plans and schedules. A… feeling of weakness. At least it’s not a cough or a cold. That’s the only thing which could be worse. He can’t be sick. He’s barely sick anyway, and while his perfect record of perfect acts got destroyed by his own failure, he intends on keeping his sickness record straight with none. Nothing.

Does he even know what an illness feels like? He’s seen his brother being sick before. That’s how he knows how it looks like in other people. There is a difference between the regular sicknesses he sees around and Nanase’s condition. That, he’s sure of too. And what he’s sure to, is how dreadful things could go for everyone would his health fail him.

He has to fix that insomnia, but he couldn’t find sleeping pills in the dorms, and he clearly doesn’t have enough time to lose to go buy some in a pharmacy. Right when he needs to be perfect, because show must go on, it’s like his own body has decided not to comply. It ignores what’s at stake, and he hates that. One failure, not two. One let-down, not two. What makes failures okay to the eyes of others is the fact you can and are expected to fix your mistakes.

Insomnia isn’t fixing anything. It’s breaking everything he’s built up. Just shows how easy to break something, as finely crafted as it can be.

Fixing an issue also requires knowing where said issue comes from. He can’t say he doesn’t know where it could have all started: having to balance between the band and school, while running the entire show from the shadows with or through the Manager, while having to be the solid one of them all. It wasn’t supposed to be that stressful. Why is it so stressful anyway? Why does he angst over it like that, wandering hopelessly in the streets in the middle of the night as if that was going to fix anything, including his insomnia?

He wonders how anybody hasn’t noticed his dark rings. Or, at least, how anybody hasn’t noticed the make-up he’s using to try and fix that slip-up. Maybe he’s just that good at make-up too. Or maybe nobody has the time nor attention left to notice such a tiny detail. Maybe it complements his hair, or his eyes. He’s always been… dull compared to the others.

Yes, he’s always been… that guy. The guy nobody really wants to talk to, because he’s harsh and almost poisonous, but whom everybody has to one day ask something about because he’s good at organizing, management, studies and sports alike. That’s how he entered the school council, back in his former high school. Clearly, it wasn’t for his charisma or his personality.

And in the unit, it’s the same. Everyone shines by themselves and in the group alike, with colourful personalities to boot. If he is to be focused upon, it’s because he gets associated with the much more colourful and endearing Nanase. He can’t pretend like he isn’t admiring Nanase: his voice is their best weapon, his innocence and never-ending energy makes everyone’s eyes shimmer, a shooting star on stage.

No, he’s just a pillar. There’s nothing exceptional about him when it comes to idol performances. He’s average at singing, average at dancing, average at team cohesion. He’s just average. A necessary gear in the complex machine that is IDOLiSH7, of course, but not what shines the most. He’s the hidden gear. Of course, he’s doing everything just right, as always, without much difficulty. That’s why, as opposed to his brother working his hardest with finding a spot in the unit and his worth as an idol, he has time to worry about Nanase and scripts.

Of course, it’s not because his role isn’t shining that it’s not necessary to the machine. Would he derail, the entire organisation would fall apart. He doesn’t want to show his lesser sides to his companions. Once was more than enough. A character-forging moment for everyone, including him, because there laid his worst fear.

Failure.

It was brand new, for him. The feeling of having done something the wrong way, breaking dreams, shattering hopes. He wanted to disappear, leave forever, never to be seen again. But they caught him back. Told him it wasn’t his fault, when it was. It was his entire fault and he could only blame himself for it. It was hard to think for him he could had been forgiven for it. Because of it, because of him, he had thrown their situation in jeopardy as everyone was trying to make up for a delayed debut. They’re still trying to get out of it.

All because of him.

Eventually, he’s back at the dorm. It’s 4AM, and he still doesn’t feel like sleeping. He feels anxious. He, usually, doesn’t feel anxious. Exams don’t scare him. Being an idol shouldn’t scare him, but his fears have caught up to him. Fears he didn’t know he had in the first place. Fears which emerged from realizing how far things can go would he mess up.

And that’s why he’s resolved not to fail anyone, starting with himself.

7AM, Saturday. It’s not too early for him to exit his room and make his way into the kitchen, just so he can eat breakfast. He’s not that hungry, but just like he doesn’t sleep for the pleasure of sleeping, he eats because he needs energy, the energy his sleep won’t give him. Breakfast is going to light and effective, just like it should be, because he doesn’t have time to be lethargic. Even if he does feel a bit lethargic…

Like everybody, he felt tired before in his life, but not to that extent. It’s all because his schedule got broken by some kind of ailment of which’s escape is unclear. He needs to find a way to break out of it, but that requires thinking about it, and right now, he has something else on his mind, including a throbbing sensation. He’ll have to check for medicine again.

Problem: while almost everybody is already out, his brother is still in the dorm, and right now, he’s arriving in the kitchen to eat breakfast too. And he forgot to put on something to hide his rings. He has to come up with an excuse, in case he asks… He would hate to lie to him, but if it’s necessary, he’s willing to do so.

“Oh, good morning Iori!” his brother speaks to him as soon as he notices him, “I wasn’t expecting you to be up so late.”

“Good morning,” his voice seems to struggle exiting his throat, “big brother.”

“Ready for tonight’s live? We’re four down, but I’m sure we’ll do something great and fun for our fans to watch!”

“Of course.”

Mitsuki gets a bowl and some cereals out, grabs some orange juice and sits right in front of him. His cheerful expression sours out.

“Hey,” he looks his younger brother’s eyes, “you don’t look like you’re doing so good, no?”

“I’m perfectly fine, brother.”

Orange eyebrows frown.

“C’mon, you’re lying to your big bro now? This isn’t like you.”

“I take optimal care of my health. It would be unprofessional of me not to.”

Before his sibling can add anything, he gets up from the table, waving a quick “I have to see the Manager” and leaves the room. Shouts about his unfinished cereals (they were almost nauseating to look at…) make him think he better hurry to the bathroom, or somewhere where he can lock himself because Mitsuki’ll always find a way. That’s how great he is.

His luck is extraordinary when he hears Rokuga and Nanase enter the room. They’re giving him a distraction so he can at least hide his dark rings from everybody else. Worrying people will make the gears fall apart. And he doesn’t want the gears to derail and ruin the machinery. That’s why he has to stay strong, head up, as if he wasn’t an insomniac. Washing his face will make it better. Putting on make-up will make it better.

He puts on some under his eyes, blend it, but it remains. The darkness remains, half-hidden underneath a layer of flesh-coloured products. His eyes attempt on shutting down on their own, but he forces them open. He won’t back down. One failure, not two.

When he goes back into the room, because there is a show later today and all, his fellow companions have been dwindled to his brother and Nanase. Good. The less people there, the less people to convince. Their manager soon urges into the room, chippering about today’s plan. Today is a morning of training (at three people, it’s going to be a challenging task, isn’t it) and an afternoon of broadcasting their web show.

At least, she doesn’t seem to notice everything wrong with any of them, which includes him. Good, because he’s starting to feel a bit weird. His head is spinning a little. He spots his brother staring at him, angry, worried. He has to be reassured, and without a question, he’s decided to do so.

“Welcome to An IDOLiSH7 Night with You! I’m Nanase Riku, and I’m very happy to see you all once more!”

The show opens on the three of them sitting on these familiar seats, smiling to the camera and to their manager happily holding signs. Well, as happy as he can naturally be. A small smirk is enough: Nanase and his brother are going to be in the spotlight during the entire broadcast anyway.

“I’m Izumi Mitsuki! I hope you all have an awesome day!”

“And I’m Izumi Iori.”

Once again, they go off-script very fast. They spew out end-of-the-show information as if it was some cheap candy given out to kids. It’s all laughs, giggles, and he’s retaining to scream inside because he knows it’ll come out weaker than usual. He tries to interact with them, just so nobody notices anything. It… doesn’t work very well: his earing is getting muffled.

That’s not how it’s supposed to be. He’s supposed to be proactive, even if it’s after the both of them. He can’t catch up with them, he even feels breathless. His breathing gets quicker and quicker, as if getting out of control. He can’t panic, but he’s downright wondering what the hell he can do. The spinning won’t stop now.

As Nanase happily rambles about the comments, and his brother looks over the laptop screen with a wide grin, he tries to prevent himself from falling asleep. Or passing out. He’s unsure whether or not he’s about to lose consciousness or if it’s just his insomnia vanishing. The knots inside his stomach and throat tighten even more.

Darkness creeps around the corners of his vision. Worse than not understanding then realizing his failure as it’s happening, is seeing it come his way. He knows he can’t do much about it anymore, and it’s the worst feeling. Not only is he failing: everybody can notice so, himself the first, as he doesn’t control anything about the show, his appearance, his behaviour. This isn’t what was supposed to be.

He was supposed to keep everything in check, taking upon himself to succeed.

Instead, he’s just failing, panicking, and just wants to hide his face inside his hands.

He suddenly feels very bad. It’s not sleep coming towards him, it’s consciousness leaving his body. He can’t pass out on stage. That’s not professional. That’s not what’s supposed to happen. It can’t happen. It’s not scripted. It’s not proper.

He wants to leave, disappear, die, vanish in an instant, never be seen again, because it knows it’s coming for him despite his best efforts.

The stage is no more than bright, burning, blurry stains of colour around him, twirling and twirling. His entire head pounds and throbs. This isn’t what’s supposed to happen. This isn’t how it should be. He shouldn’t on the verge of passing out.

An orange silhouette comes into his blurry frame. There’s something, probably hands, holding his arms.

“Iori! Iori, answer me!! Goddammit, say something, anything!!”

“Big… big bro…” his voice has gone dim. It’s hard to speak when it’s already hard to breathe.

“What the hell are you…”

A red blob, presumably Nanase, gets into the frame too.

“Manager, please stop the camera!! There’s something wrong with Iori!!”

This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen…

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be…

This wasn’t in the script…

This wasn’t the end it was meant to have…

There’s tears running down his eyes and face. He hears their manager fret over, panic even, before screaming in stops, running towards them on her small heels. He didn’t want them to stare at him as if he was dying. He’s not dying. He’s just a bit under the weather…

“What’s wrong, Iori?!” Nanase asks, yelling as if to make sure he was going to hear it.

“I’m calling a doctor! Riku, Mitsuki, please take care of him meanwhile!”

His brother’s eyes are being insistent on him. He doesn’t have to distinguish them to know that. The strong grip alone is enough. The sound of heels appears again, only to sink into silence again…

“I… I…”

It’s like it can’t even exit his mouth.

“I don’t know…”

He wishes he could see their faces right now.

“I knew something was wrong…” the brother growls, clutching for his sibling’s remaining fragments of consciousness.

“What does he have?”

“I don’t have a single idea, Riku,” the voice fades away despite his yelling undertone, “but he’s never done such a thing before!”

Hands on his back. Nanase’s, for sure, as he feels something on his forehead. He almost feels like he isn’t touching anything anymore.

“He’s running a fever!”

The horrified tone in Mitsuki’s voice is almost out of character. He’s never heard him scream in such fear.

“Why didn’t you tell us anything, Iori? You were insisting on us being aware of Riku’s condition, why didn’t you tell us?!”

It’s like he’s blaming a chronic circumstance which could bomb the group as much as a small, albeit odd, occurrence.

“Didn’t know I was… sick…” slurs out of his mouth. It’s not even a proper answer.

He chokes back on a sob. This is too much. The camera stopped rolling, and he has both his brother and his friend looking over him as if he was passing away. Sobs lead to cough. He can’t breathe. His head won’t stop hurting. He can’t even look at them both properly anymore, both out of shame and out of physical difficulties. Technical difficulties.

“That wasn’t supposed to happen… I’m sorry…”

“Iori…” Nanase’s voice trails off, soft, almost soothing. The shooting star he wishes he would see in his dark night of clouds.

“Why’s that, ‘it wasn’t supposed to happen’?” His brother asks with little less impulsion. “What wasn’t supposed to happen?”

“That…” he keeps on choking, it pains his throat. “That… I’m supposed to… do it all flawlessly… Yet I… I…”

He clutches his eyes shut. He only wants to see darkness and hear silence.

“I failed everything…! I… can’t even sleep anymore…”

His brother gulps, tears him away from Nanase’s hands and clutches him against him.

“You idiot! You should had told us… You’re probably thinking you can’t do anything wrong because of last time, and that got to you, hasn’t it?”

He simply nods.

“That’s stupid, everybody screws up from time to time. Even you, Iori. You shouldn’t make yourself sick over being perfect, ’cause nobody’s perfect, y’know?”

“B-but… I did it live… and…”

“You shouldn’t care about that. It’s going to be okay. Calm down, nobody is going to scold you for being unwell. Just tell us next time.”

His eyes close down without a warning, and he finally gets to see this welcomed darkness.

“What does he have?” asks Tsumugi as she walks up to the seventh member of the band.

“According to Mitsuki,” Riku replies pointing at the room with his thumb, “it’s mostly a lack of sleep and stress. Man, I didn’t know Iori was going through so much…”

The manager’s face dims too, as she looks at the floor.

“The doctor said he was going to be fine in a few days, though. I’m sure he’ll get better real fast and understand it’s okay to be under the weather sometimes.”

“I hope so too. We can only count on the future and what’s to come, right? I’ll prepare the explanation for the broadcast getting cut short, and I’ll explain the situation to the others…”

“No, Manager! Let Mitsuki do it, please! I’m sure he gets what’s been going through Iori’s mind better than we do.”

A soft smile appears on the girl’s face.

“You’re right, Riku… I’ll let Mitsuki take care of this. For now, let’s resume work and occasionally check up on how things are going!”

Tsumugi leaves swiftly, leaving Riku alone. He sighs: this really was weird. Weird, and worrying, but the worry part mostly goes to his older friend who’s probably having some kind of older brother stress. He can’t say he’s not familiar with it, being on the receiving end of it during all of his childhood.

He doesn’t need to look into the room to be sure Mitsuki’s either guarding his brother like a dog or explaining him why it’s okay. He’ll go after him. He needs to check up on his friend himself.

#fever february #idolish7 #i7 #sickfic #tw panic attack #izumi iori #izumi mitsuki #nanase riku #takanashi tsumugi #fever #insomnia #edge tm #brotp: fly away #brotp: bakery brothers

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