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inlovewithfictionalmensblog · 3 years

Text

Let me in

Paring: soft!billy russo X fem!reader

Warning: billy crying, mention of absue ,angst and FLUFF, blood and injury, a little bit of touch without permission.

Summary: y/n and billy get in a heated argument about how billy doesn't show emotion, when billy shows a side of him he's never showed, it scares y/n making her leave, until later , he gets the news that y/n has been badly injured, he goes crazy, apologizing to her. Showing a soft side of him he's never showed before.

(Gif isnt mine)

Billy was everything but two things, soft and vulnerable. Most of the time, he was bossy, cocky, sexy and hard headed. Reason why y/n loved him so much. He was strong, and never let anyone see his weak side, not even has y/n seen it.

When billy and y/n first met, billy was completely stressed while y/n had just gotten fired. So obviously, they ended up in each others legs in billys place. It all started as only sex with no strings, but it got more...romantically then planned. So billy and y/n started dating, and in those past 5 years, never once had she seen him cry. It had started to make y/n feel...off.

After 5 years of loving each other, billy still hadnt trust y/n enough to cry in front of her, or show actual emotions. It made y/n overthink many things. Made her think Billy didnt really love her.

Which led to the argument happening presently.

"I understand you dont like feeling weak or vulnerable, i get it. You remember how i was, i never cried or showed emotion either, but i trusted you enough billy. Enough to show you that i had a weak spot" y/n told him, calmly. Not wanting to scream or shout. Usually when she screamed or was just angry, her emotions would take it as an advantage and just make her cry.

Billy sat there, hands on the kitchen counter, holding in his anger. His hands were bottled up in fists, watching as how y/n finally snapped.

"Its been five years Billy, why cant you trust me? Why cant you 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯? " Said softly. Her heart was beating rapidly, it wasnt the first time Billy and her were in a fight, but this. This one felt...a little too big.

However, Billy stood quiet. And y/n finally gave up, dropped a sad tired sigh, as a tear ran down her cheek and she whispered, "i cant do this anymore" y/n turned around walking away, but billys hard, raspy voice stopped her.

"Do what?" Billy finally spoke through gritted teeth, looking at her. She turned around slowly.

"I cant keep smiling, and acting to be okay. When i know that you dont trust me! I love you more than you can imagine billy, more than myself. I'd kill for you, i trust you more than myself and thats saying alot, but you. You dont trust me at all"

"THEN LEAVE!" Billy shouted, y/n flinched back, blinking down the tears down her eyes. "What the fuck are you still doing here?! If you cant keep doing this then leave!" Billy yelled. His hands slammed down the kitchen counter, making y/n flash back to memories.

Y/n looked out the window, quickly wiped down her tears, licking her lips, clicking her tounge before saying, "if thats what you want"

"It is."

"Then who am to stop that from happening" with that, her heart was hurting, pained. She walked away to the bedroom, slipping on her shoes and grabbed a bag not caring about anything else. All she wanted was to leave immediately. Her hands were shaking in fear. Never once had billy shouted at her.

Quickly she opened the door to the bedroom, and rushed off to the door, but again Billy's voice stopped her. Billy grabbed ger wrist gently

"Dont touch me"

Billy looked at her sad teary eyes, letting go of her wrists watching her walk away. He sighed frustratedly, his hands running through his hair, he closed his eyes, opening them again.

He waited a minute before deciding to guve jer some space. He'd text her in the morning, and everything would be better .

Later that morning, billy hadn't slept all night, he texted y/n.

Billy- y/n please come back home, lets talk about this.

But he got no awnser. After waiting hours, and hours. Still no awnser. His leg was shaking very fast, he was bitting off the skin from his lips making his lips bleed. His hair was messy, his head was full with worry.

Had he lost her?

No no no....dont think about that billy.

Meanwhile y/n was with her friend mary, sleeping in the couch with red, swollen puffy eyes. Short hiccups coming and going.

"You need to get up y/n/n" mary frowned at her. She confortly put a hand on her head, caressing it.

"Don't want to" y/n sniffled. Scratched her arm, before tucking it back in her stomach.

Tonight, was the night Billy feared. Still no call or text from y/n, he by now knew, he lost her.

Billy was sat in the kitchen counter with a beer in his hand, frank and curtis beside him, karen in the couch trying to contact y/n but no awsner.

"Must you always fuck up bil?" Frank told him, bikly glared at him sipping his beer.

"We'll find her. And when we do, you better figure out how to make it up to her russo, if you lose her, ima fuck yo ass up" curtis told him smacking him a bit harshly in the back.

Y/n walked around the city, watching as couples giggled and parents laughed while eating ice cream. How a guy was sat playing in his guitar. Three drunk girls clinging on each other.

She rolled her eyes, walking forward wanting to just go back to marys, as she made her way to marys apartment, when a hand was on her mouth, her eyes widened as they dragged her to the dark ally.

As she was slammed in the brick wall, she yelped, opening her eyes she saw a guy with a hood, who looked exactly like one of billys old workmate. Nathan calvin.

"Finally have some alone time with you" nathan smirked, "been wanting to do this for a while. Couldnt because billy got you first" he said now through gritted teeth. His hand was on y/ns neck, tightening it, by seconds.

"L-let me go" y/n yelped. Nathan chuckled. "Nah, i think im gonna enjoy what i have for now" hus hands slipped through y/ns stomach, his hands slowly sent furthur down, he stopped before his hand came back up, ripping off y/ns jacket, and out his hand inside y/ns shirt, touching her breast

Y/n tried getting away his grip, but everytime she tired, he woukd tightened his grip. Finally, her leg jumped up, hitting nathan in the balls, he yelped, holding his bottom with a pained look.

Y/n took out a gun out of her purse. Pointing it at him. Being Billy's girl meant always having to look in corners and having to carry a weapon otherwise you're either dead or kiddnapped.

"See billy really got to ya" nathan said.

"Take one more fucken step nathan i fucken dare you" y/n glared. Her finger on the trigger, he ran to her, grabbing the gun, butbher grip on it was strong, both of them were now fighting for the gun.

Both of them, froze as they heard a gunshot coming from them. Y/n looked down her stomach revealing a bloodmess, nathans eyes widened as he began to panicly run. As y/n held her stomach, she weakly pointed the gun to his running figure shooting it without hesitation, still holding onto her stomach, she slowly and weakly started walking to marys apartment, struggling.

She knocked on the door roughly.

"Alright alright im th- Y/N!" Mary yelled showing up to y/ns side quickly. Y/n fell on her arms.

"T-take me t-to the h-hospital" by now y/n was spitting blood.

Mary ran to grab her phone calling 911.

"Hello 911 whats your emergency"

"I- uh my bestfriend...shes been shot, she's bleeding and....Send hell please!"

"Alright, alright whats your name and address?"

"Mary y/l/n and 1400 diamond st new york"

"Help is on the way"

"T-thank you" mary sobbed, holding y/n, as y/n was fighting for her life.

Mary looked at y/n. "Who did this?"

"N-nathan..." she coughed blood, "C-alvin "

"Is she your.."

"No, bestfriend and sister, is she...is she gonna be okay?" Mary asked worriedly at the doctor.

" she lost a lot of blood, if she waked, she will have trouble in walking and moving...possibly even have brain damage. But, we dont know if she will wake at all"

Mary nodded. She glared at the floor, before grabbing her keys snd driving up to someones place.

Billy and the rest hearf a loud knocking.

"What?!"

mary walked in, his blood in her clothes and hands. Rushed in, slapped Billy in the face.

" you." Mary hit his chest with her finger, " While my sister is in the hospital fighting for her goddamn life, you're here living your fucken life" mary cried. She looked at her hands then ay him, "you see this?" "This is y/n y/l/n's fucken blood"

Billy looked at her, fear going through in his body, his body was buring up.

Without hesitation billy left the penthouse running down to his car. Frank, curtis and karen following. Mary following as well.

"Billy. Billy calm down" frank told him.

"Dont fucken tell me to calm down frank" Billy said.

"Where is she?!" Billy told the growled at the doctor.

"Mr russo, Ms y/n is still conscious, we need you to wait until she wakes. The nurses are doing everything they could"

The doctor left, but billy wasnt much better. Billy was red from anger. Punching the wall next to him,

"Billy!" Curt grabbed Billy's shoulder, but Billy took his hands away aggressively.

"Dont fucken touch me!" Billy shouted.

"What happened mary?" Karen told mary, who was shaken up.

"She was crying over the argument between her and billy and.." billy looked down in guiltness. "And, tonight she told me she was going out for air and a walk, 2 hours later, i hear loud knocking, when i open it, she had blood on her stomach, and her neck was full of marks, she fell in my arms, she-she started coughing blood...she Said a name"

Billys head shot up. "Who did this mary" he told her, mary was always like a little sister to him, she was 15 when they met, now she was 20.

Right now, billt prayed to God he didnt lose y/n.

"Nathan Calvin" mary told him. He looked at her then at frank and curtis. His face showed in more anger.

"Im gonna fucken kill him"

"Not yet, wait until y/n is awake so she can tell us what happened and how it happened then, we kill the bastard" curtis told him.

"No..we torture him then kill his ass" frank said behind billy.

The doctor came in, with papers.

"Uh, billy russo and mary y/l/n?"

"Here"

"Y/n is awake, her heartbeat stopped for a couple minutes but thankfully, a miracle she was safe and now alive. If you all would like to see her, her room in down the hall" the doctor smiled before leaving.

Billy and rest walked into the room that y/n layed in. Billy nearly broke down seeing her sleeping body.

He sat next to her, holding her hand. She had a bruise in her neck and hand, her stomach had a small cut that was patched up. Then down next to her rib, was a bandaid where he suspected was the shot. Then on her face, she had a cut on her lip, and a small bruise in her cheek.

Frank had tears in his eyes seeing y/n so fragile karen took him out the room to comfort him as she cried too. Curtis pat billys back before leaving to 'grab coffee' . Mary was sobbing in y/ns chest.

"I shouldn't have shouted at her..." billy whispered. "I should have showed her that i trusted her" billy said in a low tone.

"You should have, but shes okay, and you know your mistakes meaning, now you have all the time in the world to fix them"

"If she doesn't leave me"

"She loves you billy. After dad bailed on us, agter everything dad did to her, after our mom died, she never loved or trusted anyone, she never opened up to anyone, but then she met you. And everything changed, she....became happy. She thinks you dont trust her, we all do, bill. So porve it to her that you do and that if you were dying you'd out your life in her hands, its what she did to me. Literally"

Billy looked at mary and nodded. "Thank you"

"Dont thank me yet"

Mary left with a hiccup leaving billy and y/n alone.

"I love you, so much it hurts more than a bullet. I cant imagine a life where i cant see you, feel you, or love you. You came into my life like you belonged there, and you do. If you can hear me, im so sorry baby. I wish i could take everything back. And i do trust you, i just dont want you to think of me as weak or soft. Even though you make me soft, and i don't even show it to you. But when you wake up, i promise you, i will show you my true feelings and how you truly make me feel." Billy rested his gead in y/ns hands, closing his eyes.

The next morning frank walked in with a coffee, billy drank it, sitting down on the couch that was in the room.

"I was scared. When mary showed with y/ns blood, frankie...i dont know what to do without her"

"And you'll never know, because y/n is gonna wake up soon" frank told him.

Billy nodded, as frank higged him, Billy hugged back. Frankie patted on him when he saw that y/n shifted.

Billy immediately went up to y/n.

"Hey..baby, you're up" billy smiled softly, touching her cheek, softly.

Y/n looked at him, tears welding up.

"Nathan...he, i- how am i alive?"

Billy chuckled softly. "I don't know, but im happy you're alive" he said resting his head in y/ns. She pulled away.

"Im sorry...Billy i- i overreacted..."

"Dont." Billy closed his eyes "don't apologize over something i did. Im sorry baby, i love you and im sorry i made you feel like i didn't trust you or love you"billy kissed her head.

Frank left the room leaving the two alone.

"Here let me lay you" billy slowly and genlty laid y/n down the pillow. Holding her stomach in his hands.

"I thought i was going to lose you...mary s-she had your blood in her hands...a-" billys voice broke down, y/n looked at him in shock, when he looked down, closing his eyes. His body shaking softly. Y/n knew what was happening.

"Baby" she whispered to him "come here" he brought his body to her, hugging her stomach gently. Y/n kissed his head.

"I dont think i could leave you even if i tried...you got me too damn attached" y/n joked, billy sniffled and chuckled.

Over a week later, y/n was finally free to leave. They entered their penthouse.

Billy took y/n to the bedroom helping her get ready for bed.

"Billy..i can clean myself" y/n chuckled. She smiled. Billy didn't listen, he kept his handsnon her arms.

"You can never be too careful, my love" Billy smiled at her,

"My love?" Y/n smirked.

"Yes" Billy chuckled, y/n slipped into the bath, that billy had prepared. Billy kissed her head from time to time.

Washing her body.

They layed in their bed, together, billy softly kissed her lips, then head, then nose.

"Billy" y/n giggled, the sound Billy absolutely loved.

"I love you" Billy smiled down at her.

"I love you more" y/n kissed him.

They laid tangled in each others arms ,with small smiles in their lips, billy took in her soft scent, y/n took his cologne and smiled. She kissed his chest before shutting her eyes letting sleep drift her off. Billy doing the same.

After 5 years, he finally 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯.

#billy russo fluff #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #billy russo fic #billy russo #billy russo headcanons

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genuinelydecimated · 3 years

Text

Eremin Week Day 4: Explore (art pending sorry! I'll reblog this with the art i was planning to have with it when I'm able to)

AU where Armin and Eren grow up together. Eren starts to change, and all Armin can do is watch the light slowly leave his eyes. That is, of course, until he remembers something from when they were kids.

Short story in under read more!

17 years.

17 years he's known Eren.

17 years he's known Eren and only in the last few weeks does Armin wonder what exactly it was taking the light away from Eren's eyes.

In his defense, it's because it's a lot to choose from.

It could be because Eren's father, a man who disappeared years ago, has come back to introduce his other son, Zeke. Maybe it's because of the new kids, Reiner, Annie, and Bertholdlt who talk constantly of their worldy travels. Maybe Armin did something he didn't realise. Maybe it's Mikasa opening up to Sasha, Connie, Marco and Jean. Who knows? Armin doesn't. Maybe it's everything at once.

It's always been Armin and Eren, for as long as Armin was alive really. There's never been anyone who stuck as long as him. Then came Mikasa, then the others.

So there they were, all 7 of them, sitting together during lunch break, pretending the university cafeteria was a 5 star restaurant and they were well renowned food critics.

They all watched as Sasha critiqued the food mercilessly. She picked apart the lettuce as the odd one out, spoke rudely to the tomato like it disrespected her personally, and didnt even acknowledge the bread roll.

But even as the group laughed, Eren kept his head tilted down at the ground, quiet. Armin was thankful for the group not picking him out for it. Eren was known for extreme emotions, known even more for how quick they change.

Then an idea popped into Armin's head. Something he hadnt even thought of since the semester started and his timetable was all over the place.

He nudged Eren with his shoulder softly. "Hey, let's go to the beach this weekend?" He asks tentatively.

Eren says nothing. Armin opens his mouth to ask again until Eren nods his head.

A little light goes back in his eyes.

Armin smiles and relays the info to the rest of the group. Their little bit of acting disappears, and they start to plan for the weekend ahead.

In the blink of an eye, Armin and his friends are standing on the beach, sand beneath their feet, sun dancing on their skin, wind playing hairdresser.

They all go and enjoy themselves. Play fighting, building wonky sand castles, throwing seaweed at each other, and just relaxing in general.

They all start to drift off into smaller groups, leaving Armin and Eren alone once again. With a dedicated heart, he tries harder to bring up Eren's spirits.

Armin walks into the sea til the waves are around his thighs, he turns and looks at Eren a few steps behind him.

"Look at it, Eren. It's beautiful, isn't it?"

He watches as Eren looks up to the horizon. His eyes squint as the sun hits the ocean at the right angle to make it sparkle.

"Armin, I know what you're trying to do."

Armin raises an eyebrow in question, but Eren just looks at the horizon.

"Is it working?" He presses lightly.

"I dont know. I dont think so," he says honestly.

Armin reaches his hand out towards Eren. Its a simple gesture, but Armin remembers being a kid, making a flimsy promise, a trembling oath, in this exact position.

He wonders briefly if Eren remembers it. He decides it doesnt matter. Because today, right now, he'll renew it.

Eren steps forward towards Armin, but a particular wave with a sense of humour makes him lose balance, and he falls forward, grabbing Armin's hand and bringing them down together.

Salt water stings his nostrils, the feeling of bubbles tickle his skin, the sand finds its way under his nails, but Eren's hand in Armin's doesnt falter.

Eren gets up first, and pulls up Armin. He sputters the sea out of his mouth, and blinks it away from his eyes. When his eyesight comes back, he looks at Eren to see him looking back with a grin.

The little light in his eyes shine brighter.

Then theres movement in Eren's hair. Armin moves forward, and gently picks up the small hermit crab tangled there. He cradles it in his hand, and shows it to Eren.

They stand closer together now, hands still holding each other for no reason in particular.

"It looks so weird," Eren says with mild disgust.

Armin gasps in astonishment. "It's weird, yeah, but not ugly!"

Eren stares at Armin with an incredulous face. Armin keeps up his annoyed farce until Eren laughs and shrugs. "Okay okay, it's not ugly. But it is weird."

"You just havent seen one like this before."

Armin gently sets his hand into the sea, cradling the crab in his palm til it hits the sand below.

He turns back to the horizon, hand in hand with Eren.

"Let's see more weird things." Armin whispers.

The wind brings his words over to Eren's ears, and his fingers twitch slightly in Armin's hand.

"Okay."

"We might even come across normal things too."

"Okay."

"Let's go together."

"Alright."

"Just us." He breathes.

A beat.

"Just us?"

Armin turns his head to look into Eren's eyes. He sees everything he's grown up with, everything Eren is holding inside, bits and pieces of secrets and fears, but most of all he sees hope and curiosity.

"Just us." Armin smiles, and laces their fingers together.

Eren's fingers grip tighter, and Armin's heart skips a beat.

It isn't how Armin thought his confession would be, but the sea on his skin, his clothes soaked through, wet hair and the wind making him shiver, it's enough. "Is that okay?"

Eren glances at their intertwined fingers, then stares at Armin, eyes searching for something. Armin lays his heart bare for him to see. They know each other more than anyone, wordless interactions are nothing new to them.

And whatever Eren looks for, he must've found it. The next second, Eren is bringing their hands up towards his lips, and he kisses the back of Armin's hand gently, never looking away from him.

Armin feels the tips of his ears heat up , but the wind and the sea wipe it away.

"That would be amazing," Eren answers, eyes sparkling.

"Then let it be just us." Armin looks back to the horizon, sensing Eren following suit. The waves move quietly back and forth, the wind silent as it weaves its way around them. The wind and ocean afraid to ruin the moment. "Let's explore the world."

#eremin #erearu #eremin week day 4 ?#eremin week 2021 #ereminweek2021 #sorry its late #im suddenly really busy #IM SO SORRY ITS LATE #had sUCH A BUSY DAY TODAY #painting the house is hard work :(

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bbaronpiper · 4 years

Text

Wake up call

Here’s another collab with @artsaree. She’s amazing. you should definitely check out her writings. So basically, we both wrote half of it .

warnings: smut

Aron x Reader

my part

7:30 am. Your eyes shot open at the sound of your alarm you turned it off quickly but you still heard a low groan coming from the other side of the bed. You felt Arón stir a little but refused to open his eyes. You turn to face him and run a finger on his cheek. Savoring the few moments you have with your boyfriend. You slept last night without him. He was out partying with his friends. Again. You didn’t have a problem with it at first because you swore you’ll never be that type of girlfriend who controls and forbid their man on the things they want to do. Until recently, it became a habit of his.

“Morning, Baby” His voice was low and husky.

You smiled at him in return, scooting closer. “Slept well?”

“Si” He said while rubbing his eyes. “Partying after spending whole day on set isn’t easy”

You bit the insides of your cheek to stop you from spitting the words. Arón must have noticed this since he then turned to lie on his back and exhales. Leaving your hand that was on his cheek to fall on his shoulder. “Do you have something to say Y/N?”

You leaned on your elbow trying to get him to look at you. Your hands travelled down to his chest “Don’t you think you’ve been partying a lot lately?”

“Mmm Don’t think so..” he shrugged still not looking at you.

“You’re barely home” you almost whispered not sure if you want to push this discussion.

“What do you mean Y/N? I’m always home” he then looked at you.

You were about to open your mouth to spill everything you’ve been feeling lately but then decided not to. He probably too tired for drama anyways.

“Come here” he motioned to you as he opened his arms. You complied and laid on his chest. “Te quiero.” He lifted your chin up and look at you deeply. “Don’t ever think otherwise. Even just for one second” stupid you, let your heart flutter at his words smiling up at him sweetly.

You splash cold water on your face to snap you out of your thoughts. You stare yourself at the mirror and saw your red and puffy eyes. You kept staring blinking rapidly trying to stop the tears from forming. You stood there for what felt like years before wiping your face with a clean towel. You held your breath one last time, tightly shut your eyes only to open them again, exhale and went out of the bathroom and into your shared bedroom.

2:40 am and he’s still not home. Why are you not surprised?

It was so obvious. Looking back now, you felt like a complete idiot blindsided by love. You should’ve seen it coming when he gave you that smile that didn’t reach his eyes anymore, the way your lips touched and moved in sync but the desire to have you was gone.

“Bet you couldn’t last a day without fucking me” you laughed as you teased him. You two just finished fucking and were now watching a movie when his hands travelled up to your thighs again.

“Is that a challenge?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Nahh, just stating facts” you then got this brilliant idea to get back at him for all those times he made you beg and tease you. You straddled him, bury your face onto his neck softly gliding your lips against his skin while your finger trace against his bare chest. You wore nothing but an oversized shirt of his. Nothing underneath so you’re pretty sure he felt how wet you are right now. Normally, this would work. Arón never declined sex.

“Bebe” you whispered to his ear seductively and nibbled on it after.

“Shhh!!! Here comes the best part!” his eyebrows furrowed as he pointed on the screen.

Oh this was gonna be hard. “So, you’re saying, you wouldn’t touch me even if I am naked?” he shrugged, his lips formed an inverted smile with his eyes still glued to the TV. You then took your shirt off. And you swore you heard a soft “damn” coming from him. You just wanted to mess with him, tease him but the feeling of his skin touching yours turned you on as you start grinding him through his boxers moaning close to his ear.

Nada. No emotions.

You sighed in frustration so you decided to take it to another level. You then turned your back at him leaning on his chest, you open your legs wide and draped your legs on his. You smirked as you can already feel his growing bulge against your ass.

“I hate to fuck myself but since my boyfriend’s ignoring me…. Oh well” you announced as your hand gripped his leg and your other hand start to play with your clit. Rubbing small circles and moaning softly at first. You can feel him shifting underneath you. you were surprised when he grabbed your waist and push you off of him and sat you on the side.

“Yo.. you’re b-blocking the view,Y/N” he said uneasy. His hands gripped his thigh and bit his lower lip way too hard for you not to know he’s about to give in.

You scoffed at him “Oh it’s on!” you then place your left leg again on his right one and start to rub your clit faster than before making you moan so loud saying things like “Ohhh baby…” “Si, Arooonnn, si!” you’re so wet it made it easier to switch from rubbing your clit into inserting two fingers inside you. your other hand then reached for his growing bulge. He refused to touch you but you definitely wouldn’t refuse to touch him. You started palming him as you pleasure yourself earning a low growl from him. “Let me ride you baby”

You then suddenly felt his hand over yours, the one you had on your pussy and jerk it. “You drive me crazy”

@artsaree /Sara’s part

He managed to push you away a little so he could finally flip you both over so he was now on top.

Smirking down at you he pulled down his pants, making his hard dick slap against his lower stomach.

„Open up.“

You bit your lip and jerked your head back to give him easier access to hover over your face. Slowly he slid his dick in your welcoming mouth, making both of you moan out softly.

„Mhm just like that.“ he groaned and held onto the wall for support as you were sucking his tip seductively.

„Take it.“ he suddenly spoke and pushed his length into your mouth. It was always a little hard for you to fit all of him in your little mouth but he still made sure you were okay.

There was still a little space left so you nodded at him to tell him he could push his entire dick in your mouth.

„Dont want you to gag, u know that.“ he just mumbled but did as you told him and he slid his cock deeper.

„Ah fuck.“ he groaned and threw his head back in pleasure.

You could feel tears building up, he seemed to notice too because he pulled out completely. You swallowed and took a deep breath. „You good?“ he spoke but you just replied by bringing his tip back to your lips.

„Mh good girl.“ he moaned out as you kitten licked his tip.

„On your stomach babygirl.“ he groaned after you had sucked on his tip for a bit.

He got off of you and stood up to get a condom from the drawer.

Meanwhile you lied down on your naked stomach and waited for him.

„Open your legs for papi.“ he growled as you felt a harsh smack on your left ass cheek. That made you moan out in pain but it also felt good. It wasnt hardcore pain, but you did know it would leave a spot.

You opened your legs and lifted your hips up a little.

„Yes good.“ you heard his deep voice behind you.

Arón grabbed a pillow and placed it under your hips for support. „Ready for my cock honey?“ he asked.

��Yes papi.“ you moaned as a response before he slowly slid his hard cock into your trembling pussy. „Ah fuck you‘re always so tight.“ he whispered and grabbed your hips roughly.

Without hesitation he started slamming into you as if there was no tomorrow. With harsh thrusts he kept hitting your g-spot, making your eyes roll back and your mouth fall open.

Arón was moaning loudly as you could already feel him getting closer.

He changed his angle a little by aiming higher, laying down on your butt.

„Babe.“ he growled and suddenly grabbed you by your hair.

He he never done that before.

And he knew you didnt like it since your head was sensitive.

But that moment you were so turned on, you didnt even think of stopping his actions.

Arón fucked you roughly and fast while you were moaning out his name or cursed. You could hear him panting against your back.

„Im coming baby.“ he groaned and slammed into you with no mercy. You couldnt keep it any longer either.

Two last thrusts and he had you coming for him. Your body started shaking as your orgasm went through your body like lightening.

„Yes baby come on.“ he smacked your butt once again until he came as well. „Fuck yes.“ he almost screamed and jerked your head up on your hair.

It hurt but you were too concentrated on your own orgasm you didnt realize.

Your back was up against his chest while his cock was twitching in you, spilling his cum into the condom.

„Ah fuck.“ he breathed out as he calmed down from his intense orgasm.

You were pretty exhausted too and just expected him to cuddle you and finish the movie but he suddenly whispered:“On your back.“

You were confused but followed his commands and lied down.

„Put your arms behind your back. No touching until I come back.“

By nodding you agreed and he left the room without saying any more.

You waited patiently for him to come back and it was really hard not to touch yourself. You just came, yes, but your clit hadnt gotten any of his attention yet. And usually he ate you out before sex or at least rubbed your clit while he was fucking you.

It took him about 5 minutes to finally return to the bedroom, he was now wearing jeans, but his upper body was still exposed.

„Did you touch yourself baby?“

You shook your head truthfully and spoke:“No I didnt.“

-„Promise?“ he asked and stood in front of the bed looking at you.

„I promise daddy.“

He nodded and finally climbed inbetween your legs.

„Good girl.“

He spread your legs carefully before finally attaching his lips to your thighs, placing soft kisses everywhere.

This boy could really fuck you rough and tell you you‘re his baby a second later.

Your hands were still behind your back, just as he had told you to, while his tongue was tracing circles on your thighs and lower stomach.

„Arón.“ you moaned out, seeking pleasure.

He loved being called daddy or papi, but hearing you say his name was his biggest turn on. He loved your voice, and when it said his given name he got reminded how much he loves you really.

„You sure you deserve this for being such a bitch to me before?“ he played.

„Arón please.“ you exclaimed and looked down at him.

He was just laying there, looking up at you, no part of his body touching yours anymore.

„You know what. Nah. Maybe tomorrow.“

#aron piper imagines #aron x reader #aron piper #aron x you #aron smut #aron fan

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rosestormwolf · 4 years

Note

hey, i just wanted to say im in the tad discord and i havent been there long and mostly lurk but im sorry for what you and your friends went thru. I havent gone thru it myself, but ive always felt kind of uncomfortable there and didnt realise why until i saw you speak up and did digging. Bc everyone is always saying theyre "like family" and "love each other" to the point it seems false, and that if i also wasnt saying that all the time - bc no i dont think a gc of strangers is family - then there was no point in talking. I hadnt heard the term 'toxic positivity' until today but thats exactly right, and the reason why im much more comfortable in other servers where ppl actually talk and dont pretend to be perfect. 1/6

Theyre so cliquey. I thought it was just me being too introverted to really throw myself in and get involved, but ive been there for a few months and ive seen other new ppl throw themselves in and get ignored or even still its just the same handful of people who get "its loving X hours". 2/6

I wasnt involved with the dhd in any way but i did see someone point out a minor flaw and everyone banded against them. And the auction just added to the falsness, ppl put in donations of over 6k (which is good for the charity ofc) but it was clearly for the concert, ppl wouldnt have donated as much otherwise. And if anyone suggested that ppl donated for the band and not the charity mods quickly shut them down by saying it was all out of the good of everyones hearts. Like, its okay if its for the band? Stop pretending youre pure angels?? 3/6

Ive seen several instances where people have shown a tweet they @'d the band in. Completely innocuous ones that any band or public figure would recieve nor feel pressured by, such as options for merch or just 'come back to the server lmao'. These people have then been pretty much shamed for doing so, saying that its rude to ask too much from the band, we should be grateful for what they give us. Its never outright said to delete the tweets, but its clearly implied, and they delete the completely innocent tweets. Meanwhile, mods/sweeps are in their actual dms, quite frequently (even if they get no reply) but this isnt pressuring at all/asking too much?? 4/6

The other day cookie got salty over people joining the server for the amas and people being inactive and wants to delete users who dont regularly take part in conversation or "make an effort to make friends" and several people jumped on board with the idea. Someone spoke out that they mostly lurk and sometimes feel like theyre arent welcome and they got an "of course youre welcome, everyone is" kind of response, but clearly not if you want to delete members, and ive certainly always felt at the edge of a circle. 5/6

As i said, ive not seen what you went through beyond what digging i did today, been targeted or known someone who has, and youre probably aware of everything ive said already but i finally saw people whove also not had the best experience everyone else claims to have on the server and i wanted to get it off my chest as its been bothering me for a while, thanks for reading my rant feel free to ignore lmao. 6/6

thanks anon for this! i’ve actually not been aware of a lot of stuff after the first purge because it was around then I decided to not waste my time with the server. But you’re absolutely right, the toxic positivity/cliquey-ness/gaslighting is an absolutely shit way of running a server, let alone a place that claims to be a “family”. I’ve been moderating a Les Miserables server (Sewers of Paris) for 4 years now and in those FOUR YEARS there has NEVER been anything like this.

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wolferals · 4 years

Text

WAKE UP CALL**

again a collaboration with my wonderful friend @bbaronpiper ❤️❤️

Both of us wrote half of the story, i hope you like it. And definitely check out her writings!🌸

arón piper imagine

steffi/@bbaronpiper:

7:30 am. Your eyes shot open at the sound of your alarm you turned it off quickly but you still heard a low groan coming from the other side of the bed. You felt Arón stir a little but refused to open his eyes. You turn to face him and run a finger on his cheek. Savoring the few moments you have with your boyfriend. You slept last night without him. He was out partying with his friends. Again. You didn't have a problem with it at first because you swore you'll never be that type of girlfriend who controls and forbid their man on the things they want to do. Until recently, it became a habit of his.

"Morning, Baby" His voice was low and husky.

You smiled at him in return, scooting closer. "Slept well?"

"Si" He said while rubbing his eyes. "Partying after spending whole day on set isn't easy"

You leaned on your elbow trying to get him to look at you. Your hands travelled down to his chest "Don't you think you've been partying a lot lately?"

"Mmm dont think so.." he shrugged still not looking at you.

"You're barely home" you almost whispered not sure if you want to push this discussion.

"What do you mean Y/N? I'm always home" he then looked at you.

You were about to open your mouth to spill everything you've been feeling lately but then decided not to. He probably too tired for drama anyways.

"Come here" he motioned to you as he opened his arms. You complied and laid on his chest. "Te quiero." He lifted your chin up and look at you deeply. "Don't ever think otherwise. Even just for one second" stupid you, let your heart flutter at his words smiling up at him sweetly.

You splash cold water on your face to snap you out of your thoughts. You stare at yourself in the mirror and saw your red and puffy eyes. You kept staring blinking rapidly trying to stop the tears from forming. You stood there for what felt like years before wiping your face with a clean towel. You held your breath one last time, tightly shut your eyes only to open them again, exhale and went out of the bathroom and into your shared bedroom.

2:40 am and he's still not home. Why are you not surprised?

It was so obvious. Looking back now, you felt like a complete idiot blindsided by love. You should've seen it coming when he gave you that smile that didn't reach his eyes anymore, the way your lips touched and moved in sync but the desire to have you was gone.

"Bet you couldn't last a day without fucking me" you laughed as you teased him. You two just finished fucking and were now watching a movie when his hands travelled up to your thighs again.

"Is that a challenge?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Nahh, just stating facts" you then got this brilliant idea to get back at him for all those times he made you beg and tease you. You straddled him, bury your face onto his neck softly gliding your lips against his skin while your finger trace against his bare chest. You wore nothing but an oversized shirt of his. Nothing underneath so you're pretty sure he felt how wet you are right now. Normally, this would work. Arón never declined sex.

"Bebe" you whispered to his ear seductively and nibbled on it after.

"Shhh!!! Here comes the best part!" his eyebrows furrowed as he pointed on the screen.

Oh this was gonna be hard. "So, you're saying, you wouldn't touch me even if I am naked?" he shrugged, his lips formed an inverted smile with his eyes still glued to the TV. You then took your shirt off. And you swore you heard a soft "damn" coming from him. You just wanted to mess with him, tease him but the feeling of his skin touching yours turned you on as you start grinding him through his boxers moaning close to his ear.

Nada. No emotions.

"I hate to fuck myself but since my boyfriend's ignoring me.... Oh well" you announced as your hand gripped his leg and your other hand start to play with your clit. Rubbing small circles and moaning softly at first. You can feel him shifting underneath you. you were surprised when he grabbed your waist and push you off of him and sat you on the side.

"Yo.. you're b-blocking the view,Y/N" he said uneasy. His hands gripped his thigh and bit his lower lip way too hard for you not to know he's about to give in.

You scoffed at him "Oh it's on!" you then place your left leg again on his right one and start to rub your clit faster than before making you moan so loud saying things like "Ohhh baby..." "Si, Arooonnn, si!" you're so wet it made it easier to switch from rubbing your clit into inserting two fingers inside you. your other hand then reached for his growing bulge. He refused to touch you but you definitely wouldn't refuse to touch him. You started palming him as you pleasure yourself earning a low growl from him. "Let me ride you baby"

You then suddenly felt his hand over yours, the one you had on your pussy and jerk it. "You drive me crazy"

sara/me:

He managed to push you away a little so he could finally flip you both over so he was now on top.

Smirking down at you he pulled down his pants, making his hard dick slap against his lower stomach.

„Open up."

You bit your lip and jerked your head back to give him easier access to hover over your face. Slowly he slid his dick in your welcoming mouth, making both of you moan out softly.

„Mhm just like that." he groaned and held onto the wall for support as you were sucking his tip seductively.

„Take it." he suddenly spoke and pushed his length into your mouth. It was always a little hard for you to fit all of him in your little mouth but he still made sure you were okay.

There was still a little space left so you nodded at him to tell him he could push his entire dick in your mouth.

„Dont want you to gag, u know that." he just mumbled but did as you told him and he slid his cock deeper.

„Ah fuck." he groaned and threw his head back in pleasure.

You could feel tears building up, he seemed to notice too because he pulled out completely. You swallowed and took a deep breath. „You good?" he spoke but you just replied by bringing his tip back to your lips.

„Mh good girl." he moaned out as you kitten licked his tip.

„On your stomach babygirl." he groaned after you had sucked on his tip for a bit.

He got off of you and stood up to get a condom from the drawer.

Meanwhile you lied down on your naked stomach and waited for him.

„Open your legs for papi." he growled as you felt a harsh smack on your left ass cheek. That made you moan out in pain but it also felt good. It wasnt hardcore pain, but you did know it would leave a spot.

You opened your legs and lifted your hips up a little.

„Yes good." you heard his deep voice behind you.

Arón grabbed a pillow and placed it under your hips for support. „Ready for my cock honey?" he asked.

„Yes papi." you moaned as a response before he slowly slid his hard cock into your trembling pussy. „Ah fuck you're always so tight." he whispered and grabbed your hips roughly.

Without hesitation he started slamming into you as if there was no tomorrow. With harsh thrusts he kept hitting your g-spot, making your eyes roll back and your mouth fall open.

Arón was moaning loudly as you could already feel him getting closer.

He changed his angle a little by aiming higher, laying down on your butt.

„Babe." he growled and suddenly grabbed you by your hair.

He he never done that before.

And he knew you didnt like it since your head was sensitive.

But that moment you were so turned on, you didnt even think of stopping his actions.

Arón fucked you roughly and fast while you were moaning out his name or cursed. You could hear him panting against your back.

„Im coming baby." he groaned and slammed into you with no mercy. You couldnt keep it any longer either.

Two last thrusts and he had you coming for him. Your body started shaking as your orgasm went through your body like lightening.

„Yes baby come on." he smacked your butt once again until he came as well. „Fuck yes." he almost screamed and jerked your head up on your hair.

It hurt but you were too concentrated on your own orgasm you didnt realize.

Your back was up against his chest while his cock was twitching in you, spilling his cum into the condom.

„Ah fuck." he breathed out as he calmed down from his intense orgasm.

You were pretty exhausted too and just expected him to cuddle you and finish the movie but he suddenly whispered:"On your back."

You were confused but followed his commands and lied down.

„Put your arms behind your back. No touching until I come back."

By nodding you agreed and he left the room without saying any more.

It took him about 5 minutes to finally return to the bedroom, he was now wearing jeans, but his upper body was still exposed.

„Did you touch yourself baby?"

You shook your head truthfully and spoke:"No I didnt."

-„Promise?" he asked and stood in front of the bed looking at you.

„I promise daddy."

He nodded and finally climbed inbetween your legs.

„Good girl."

He spread your legs carefully before finally attaching his lips to your thighs, placing soft kisses everywhere.

This boy could really fuck you rough and tell you you're his baby a second later.

Your hands were still behind your back, just as he had told you to, while his tongue was tracing circles on your thighs and lower stomach.

„Arón." you moaned out, seeking pleasure.

He loved being called daddy or papi, but hearing you say his name was his biggest turn on. He loved your voice, and when it said his given name he got reminded how much he loves you really.

„You sure you deserve this for being such a bitch to me before?" he played.

„Arón please." you exclaimed and looked down at him.

He was just laying there, looking up at you, no part of his body touching yours anymore.

„You know what. Nah. Maybe tomorrow."

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ramenandchill · 4 years

Text

Naruto-a shinobi story

Character name:Hanai Motsoyuki

Pt 1

Character discription- Female, Brown eyes, brown skin and purple long straight hair.

Shinobi outfit- a black tight fitted tank/crop top with nets as short sleeves. She wears wraps around her arms. She wears kaki shorts that stop at her mid upper thigh. Nets come out of her shorts and stop mid-lower thigh. She wears her shinobi headband around her head formally and often carries a scabbard for her 2 swords. She wears wraps almost as socks on her feet, finished by her shinobi sandals. She wears her hair in a high ponytail. Her ponytail reaches her mid back.

I only own Hanai and the Motsoyuki clan. I own no other characters.

——————————————————————————

*at a 5 Kage summit*

“We must kill off the Motsoyuki Clan! The Clan is an endangerment to all Lands.” The Raikage spoke loudly among his fellow kages.

“Hai. This seems to be the only solution to our problems. The Motsoyuki have caused mischief. They have terrorized all of our land and people. Do we all agree that we need to kill off their clan?” The Hokage asked. Hashirama felt bad that this was the only way to end the nonstop violence. Hashirama was a firm believer in accomplishing things through peace, but that clearly wasn’t an option now. This situation only made him think about Madara and the Uchiha. He hung his head down as he continued to ponder.

“Hai.”

“Hai”

Each kage had given their answer. The Motsoyuki had to perish.

——————————————————————————

“Lord Bako, Lady Yuki. We have heard that the kages have a plan to take out our clan. What shall we do about this?” Mako asked with a concerned tone. His job was to protect the clan with his life, a job of the branch Motsoyuki family.

“If it’s a war they want, they shall get.” Lord Bako remarked coldly, while smiling.

A war was had against the dangerous Motsoyuki clan. They were high in numbers with horrible motives. They had paid the price for their sins soon enough. The Motsoyuki clans numbers were reduced until they had gone into hiding into a secluded place not many had known about. By then, Lord Bako and Lady yuki had been killed off, leaving their oldest child to take over.

Lord Aiko and Lady Hana were the head of the head Motsoyuki Family. Long past the days of Hashirama and Tobirama. Just as Minato had died and the 3rd Hokage came back into power, a child was born into the Motsoyuki head Family.

“Her name is Hanai.” Lady Hana remarked while stroking her babies purple hair behind her ears.

“Beautiful name my lady. I trust that you picked the name?”

“Hai. What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?” Lady Hana asked the Branch family servant.

“Well I wanted to tell you that we should start preparing for the future reading of Lady Hanai. It is our tradition to see how useful the child is to the clan.”

“I doubt we need to do that. She was born into the head family. She will be powerful.” Hana remarked smugly while carrying Hanai around in her arms.

“Hai.Our baby will be powerful darling but it is still tradition. We must follow our clans customs.” Aiko walked into the room, and sat down.

“Well ok. We will hold the ceremony tomorrow.” Hana said. The branch family servant bowed down and walked out of the room.

Hana stared at her baby with soft eyes. She could only think of the potential her child could have. How she would replenish the Motsoyuki clan and restore their reputation. Her opinion changed as she couldn’t wait for the ceremony tomorrow. She would know just how powerful her baby was.

Hana hadnt spent much time thinking about the ceremony because it was already here. The next day had come so quickly it was almost like she only blinked in between times.

The Motsoyuki clan kekkei genkai was essential for the ceremony. The ability to see into the past of an individual, as well as future and abilities of the person was essential. The clans old ceremonies were much more barbaric. If young children were seen to be weak or a nuisance in the future, they would be killed on the spot. However the Motsoyuki had no time for such things. They were already low on numbers and had been reduced to a fraction of their clans original population. Now such children who were lacking in abilities were trained to be lowly servants for the head family.

“Konbanwa. Tonight we will be doing a reading of Lady Hanai of the Head Family. We will see her potential for this clan. Please commence the reading.” The organizer commanded.

A Motsoyuki member had placed their hand on Hanai’s small head and began reading. Their eyes were now a purple lavender color.

“She has acquired the Reading Abilities of the clan. The best of our clan. She will soon be able to tell much of a person by just looking at them.”

The members gasped and whispered. A fortune like that hadnt been heard in years. The last of the best readers of the clan had been killed off in the war.

“She will also have the ability to perform our jutsu, Dokukiri en juu Justu. It will be the most poisonous and powerful version of the Justu.” The reader continued.

People continued whispering. A widespread joy was felt among the members.

“She will be very skilled in kenjutsu by a young age. Also, she will-”

The reader had cut himself off. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Betrayal he found within her future, her near future.

“Someone in this clan will betray Lady Hanai. They will get close to her just to tear her down.” The reader had told the very last fortune.

Like clockwork, the members of the clan had started to whisper among themselves. A fortune of such was unheard of in Motsoyuki ceramonies. There weren’t many unloyal members of the clan before. If such a fortune was even seen in a child, there would be consequences.

“Please settle down. I know that fortune is a lot to take in, as we haven’t heard something like that in many years. Now we know Lady Hanai will be essential to the future of our clan. She will be our secret weapon. We will use her to fulfill our clans age old plan of ruling the Lands!” The organizer spoke once again.

Since then, 5 years had already passed and young Hanai had grown longer purple hair. She was taller and had worn a standard Motsoyuki clan dress. She would love taking walks on the clans grounds. Her branch family servant, Ekiko would follow her around to ensure her safety. Ekiko and Hanai were very close. Ekiko had been serving Hanai for the 5 years. Just as Hanai was born, Ekiko had just turned 14 and was a servant branch member. Hana and Aiko thought she would be best to care for their child.

As Hanai was walking, Ekiko had stopped her for a second.

“Darling. Halt for a minute. I must perform a task quickly. It won’t take up your break time, my lady.” Ekiko explained. Hanai shook her head in approval.

Hanai sat down in her spot where she was previously standing, thinking about her approaching training session.

She had been doing training everyday since she turned 4 years old. As the fortune told, she wielded the best of the clans kekkei genkai. She was able to tell so much about people by just looking at them. It was beautiful. Her eyes would turn from a warm brown color to a light purple color. Mastering the clan Justu was next in line. The jutsu required knowledge of all and any plants. Hanai had also been studying that since she was 3, so she had a great start.

But her obvious talents made her a target. Most of the clan just wanted to exploit her talents and use it for their own benefit. It was hard to find an unbiased teacher who didn’t want to use Hanai for her abilities. Everyone had their own opinion on how the young girl should be raised. The goal in the end would still be to use the girls abilities to benefit the clan after all.

Hanai sensed footsteps coming closer and closer to her. She couldn’t tell who it was just yet. Maybe it was another branch servant coming to check on her. She stayed calm and continued to sit still and relax.

Suddenly, Hanai was snatched up by 2 people. She started to scream for help.

“Ekiko! Help!” Hanai cried as they took her away. Other clan members had started to come out of their quarters. Some ran after the 2 assailants dressed in black hoods, but it was proved futile. The 2 were too fast.

Hanai was taken to a secluded area not far from the clans hideout. She was tied to a post. She continued to scream for help. She kicked with all her force but it did nothing. Hanai was no match for her captors.

“Please! Where’s Ekiko! She will save me!” Hanai cried.

There were 6 black hoods in total. One of them chuckled and then began speaking.

“Your beloved Ekiko has betrayed you,young one. She has forsaken you and turned against you.” He claimed. Hanai could feel the evil radiating from him.

“No! That’s not true! Ekiko loves me. She would never betray me!” Hanai shouted.

“Oh? Then who does this happen to be?” He asked while pointing to another person in a black hood.

The person faced away from Hanais sight and removed their hood. She turned to face Hanai.

“E-Ekiko? But why?” Hanai mumbled as a tear fell out of her eye. Ekiko turned her head. She couldn’t face Hanai.

The man continued to menacingly laugh.

“You see Lady Hanai, your beloved Ekiko had not cared about you.” The man spoke.

Hanai tried not to listen to the man. She couldn’t believe Ekiko betrayed her. She thought she could trust her. She loved Ekiko and the feeling was thought to be mutual.

“Now, Lady Hanai. Ekiko will remove your eyes and switch them with mine. We cannot give the clan future to just a mere child. Once I have your eyes, I will be able to get the clans attention. They will bow down to me and I will be head of the clan.” The man Revealed.

Hanai wriggled in her ropes but she couldn’t break free. As Ekiko moved closer to her, Hanais breathing became heavier.As Ekiko extended her arm towards Hanais face, Hanais eyes began to glow purple.

“Ah yes! Those eyes! They are what I want!” The man exclaimed.

Soon a member of the black hoods started screaming from seemingly pain. They dropped to the floor, holding their heads in agony. This pattern soon followed with the rest.

“Make it stop!” One shrieked.

The members continued to perish one by one until just Ekiko and the man was left.

“What have you done you brat! I demand to know!”

No response was heard. Hanais eyes were still glowing purple. She turned her head in the mans direction. He turned around and dashed away from Hanai and Ekiko, leaving just the 2 girls alone.

Hanai turned to face Ekiko. Ekiko began to hold her head and yelp in pain. Blood began to seep from her mouth as she screamed.

Suddenly, Hanais eyes went back to a warm, cozy brown. She felt weak and frail. She scanned her area and noticed Ekiko on the ground, barely clinging to life.

“E-Ekiko. Did I do this?” Hanai barely managed to choke out.

“Hai. But I deserve it. I betrayed your trust Lady Hanai. But I couldn’t let the people of the clan use you for their own gains. The Motsoyuki are evil people, Hanai. I wasn’t going to use your eyes on him, but on myself so that you wouldn’t have to usher in a horrible plan. It’s the duty of the branch family servants to protect their masters. I was just protecting you, but I failed. Gomen nasai.I love you and never forget that, lady Hanai.” Ekiko chocked out with ragged breath. She smiled as her life slipped out of her own hands.

Hanai’s eyes swelled with tears as she began to close her eyes. She was extremely low on chakra. She eventually passed out, still tied to the post.

Meanwhile, a jonin of the nearby leaf village was heading back from a mission. He had white hair, with a mask that covered his mouth. His shinobi headband covered one of his eyes.

As he was coming back, he spotted Hanai tied to the post.

“Hm. Well I guess it’s ok to make one pit-stop.” He said, smiling under his mask.

He sprinted towards Hanai. He pulled out a kunai knife and cut the rope. Hanais body fell limp in the mans arms. He delicately held her weak body and continued to sprint back to his village.

——————————————————————————

“Please, get her medical help as fast as possible. She’s very low on chakra and she feels very weak.” The white haired man said, as he handed Hanai to the medical nin.

“Hai. Arigato, kakashi” the medical nin said whilst holding Hanai in her hands now.

“Un” Kakashi shook his head and went to report to the hokage. He had just finished a mission. He had to capture 2 rouge ninja from the Land of Fire, which was a bit difficult to say the least. At least, he didn’t have to pull out his sharingan though. That was for special opponents.

In no time, Kakashi had reached the Hokage office. He went to the old mans room.

“Hokage-sama. The land of Fire’s rouge ninja have been caught and returned to their village.” Kakashi reported.

“Great Job Kakashi. Please go and rest.”

“Oh and one more thing. On the way back from my mission, I found a young girl. She looked about 5 years old. She was very low on chakra and weak. And more disturbingly, she was tied to a post with dead bodies surrounding it when I found her.” Kakakshi described. The nature of Hanais resting place when Kakashi found her was rather unsettling. He had time to examine the bodies and he couldn’t even figure out what exactly had happened to them.

“What’s her status now?” The Hokage asked.

“She is now in the care of Konohas medical-nin. She should be receiving treatment.” Kakashi stated whilst walking out of Sarutobis room.

The Hokage peered out of his office window, looking out to his people. The people of Konoha were his top priority, and now that a little girl was brought there he would do everything to make her feel welcome and at home.

“Hokage-sama”

“Hm”

“A little girl was brought into the hospital today.”

“Yes I heard. Kakashi told me. He said he was the one who dropped her off. How is her condition?” Sarutobi was generally curious. The gentle old man hoped the girl was ok.

“She is stable. She seems to be a very smart young girl. We just don’t know what clan she’s from.” The man said.

“I will visit her and talk to her myself. Arigato.” Said the Hokage. He walked out of his office and started for the hospital.

——————————————————————————

Concurrently, Hanai was laying in a hospital bed, eating a bento box. Since she was so polite, a medical-nin let her have it.

Bento was her favorite meal. It basically had everything she liked in one plate. Meat, Rice, veggies. Her family’s servants would make it for her very often, as she would request it so often. Her and Ekiko would eat Bento together when Hanai was on break from training.

Hanai sighed at the thought of Ekiko. Suddenly, her appetite was fading and instead of enjoying her food, she began picking at her food with her chopsticks. She really missed Ekiko.

Just then, the Hokage walked into her hospital room, catching her attention. She looked up at him, and her eyes started to glow a purple lavender color once again.

“Konichiwa. I am the-

“You are the Hokage of this village. You are called Sarutobi. Thank you for coming to see me.” Hanai said whilst cutting off the Hokage.

“Ah. I presume you are of the Motsoyuki clan. That trait is very common among them. The Kekkei Genkai of the clan, if you may.” The Hokage responded while walking closer to Hanai.

“Hai. I understand that people target my clan so I chose not to tell anyone who I was.”Hanai stated. For a 5 year old she was very good at articulating her words.

“Well, now that you are stable and in good condition, would you like someone to take you to your clan? It’s up to you.”

“I-

Hanai paused for a second. Ekikos words resurfaced in her mind.

“ But I couldn’t let the people of the clan use you for their own gains. The Motsoyuki are evil people, Hanai. I wasn’t going to use your eyes on him, but on myself so that you wouldn’t have to usher in a horrible plan.”

If the clan really wanted to use her for their own gains, she couldn’t go back to them. The people of Konoha had treated her nicely so far, so why not stay here?

“I would like to stay here. I don’t want to go back to my clan.”

Sarutobi patted the girls head. He smiled a big smile and then began talking.

“I’m glad you want to stay. You will be given money each month with your own apartment and clothing. If you want to, when you turn 8, you can enroll in ninja school and become a Kunoichi! I’m sure you’ll make a fine shinobi.” The Hokage said as he walked out of the room with a smile on his face.

Hanai smiled at the Hokages joyous nature. It was a breath of fresh air from all the gloom in her life.

——————————————————————————-

Another week passed and Hanai was released from the hospital. A jonin was now escorting her to her new apartment. They asked her if she would need anyone to stay with her but she was almost certain she didn’t need it.

Sure she did grow up so far with people attending to her every whim, but she could fend for herself, right?

As she was walking, Hanai witnessed a boy being pushed down and yelled at. An old man was refusing to let him buy something. The surrounding people stared at the boy. Hanai pulled the Jonins hand and told him that she wanted to buy something.

She approached the old mans store and held out her cash. The little boy was still on the ground. His tears were threating to spill out. Still, his eyes followed Hanai.

“Sumimasen. May I have this one please?” Hanai asked, pointing at the object the little boy previously asked for.

“Of course, sweetie.” The old man responded nicely. He happily gave Hanai the object while scoffing at the sight of the blond little boy on the floor.

“Arigato”

Hanai turned to face the boy, who looked about her age. She held out her hand to his face. He grabbed her hand and walked with her back to the jonin who was now becoming impatient with Hanai.

“What’s your name?” The boy asked Hanai.

“Hanai desu.” Hanai continued to hold the boys hand as her eyes glowed purple. The boy watched in awe.

“You are Uzumaki Naruto. The 4th Hokages son. The people here are mean to you.” Hanai mumbled as she hung her head down. She felt bad for the boy. She looked into his past, he hadn’t done anything to deserve the ridicule. She just couldn’t understand it. Maybe it was an adult thing.

The boy wiped his nose and eyes, sniffling still. The jonin was slightly far up ahead than the 2 children. They all almost reached their destination.

“How come I’ve never seen you before?” Naruto asked.

“I’m not from this village. I was found unresponsive by a jonin of this village. He brought me here. I’ve decided to stay.” Hanai remarked.

“Yay! A new friend!” Naruto exclaimed while jumping up and down. Hanai couldn’t help but giggle at the boys energy.

“Hanai. This is our stop. It seems to be right next to Naruto’s apartment. So you 2 can play together all day. Here’s your key.” The jonin said whilst handing Hanai her apartment keys. He walked away from the 2 children and left them alone.

Hanai glanced at the object in her hand. She held it up to Naruto’s face.

“Here you go. I bought it for you.” Hanai explained.

“Huh? For me? Nobody’s ever done that before.” Naruto murmured. He took the thing from Hanais hand and stared into her now again brown cozy eyes.

“I’m glad you like-

Naruto engulfed Hanai in a hug to her surprise. She slowly lifted her hands and put them around Naruto. Hanai gently patted his back. She could tell that he hadn’t been shown much affection.

Naruto broke the hug and invited Hanai inside. Ekiko had taught Hanai to always be polite towards others, so she happily obliged. She wanted to get to know more about Naruto. He was her next door neighbor after all.

“So Hanai, what is your favorite food? Mine is Ramen!” Naruto exclaimed while smiling a wide smile. Hanai lightly smiled at Naruto.

“Bento is my favorite. Maybe tomorrow I could take you out for ramen, if you’d like?” Hanai asked with a smile on her face.

Naruto’s face lit up in response.

“Ramen! Ramen! Ramen!” He chanted, as he danced around his apartment. Hanai giggled loudly as if someone was tickling her.

“Then tomorrow. Oyasuminasai, Naruto.” Hanai solemnly grinned. She walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek. Hanai walked to his door, and left.

Since then, the 2 had been a great pair. However, Hanai would meet many people who would change her life for the better, and for worse.

Next part time skip= 3 years

#naruto-headcanons #naruto #anime #imagines #custom character

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angrylizardjacket · 5 years

Text

and then there was light [4] {Roger Taylor}

A/N: 5060 words. part 4? part 4. it’s a bit of a darker one and before you ask, there will be a part 5, you know i wouldn’t end it on a cliffhanger and do you dirty like that.

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

The moment Roger steps foot into the meeting about the design of the shows for the upcoming American legs of the ‘Night at the Opera’ world tour, he’s pretty sure he’s already mentally checked out. Freddie’s doing all the talking, to literally no-one’s surprise; the man has big ambitions for his own costumes, and knows the other guys will pipe up about their own needs when they get to meet with just the costume designer. John Reid brings up the technical requirements, Roger’s got the ‘galileo’s from Bohemian Rhapsody playing on repeat in his head as he stares into the middle distance, and it’s Deaky who sits forward.

“We’ve got a pretty solid idea for the lights; Freddie and I have been consulting with a designer in America; she’s freelance, used to work for EMI, she’s reliable.” He assures, and Roger’s thinking ‘hey that sounds familiar’ but Reid seems satisfied and they’re already moving on to the staging and sound equipment needed.

Roger doesn’t connect the dots at first; it’s been almost four years since that fateful American tour, and they’ve had other tours come and go since, and as far as the others are concerned, they’re pretty sure he hasn’t spared you a thought since arriving home at the end of that tour. But he does, even if he doesn’t mean to.

The tour after you’d quit working for EMI, someone drops a parcan side of stage, and his heart is in his throat when he realises he was waiting to hear you yell ‘okay that one wasn’t my fault’ or something similar. All he hears is a faint apology, and a call from someone to get a broom. The scheduling’s different this time around, he can’t even have a cigarette in an empty theatre without some stagehand buzzing back and forth, or a band member trotting across the stage as they practice. It would be so much easier to lay on the stage if the rest of them were confined to one place while they played, like he was behind the drums. It’d be boring as shit, he would be the first to acknowledge that, but it would mean he would get stepped on less during lunch, and that’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make with the toe of Freddie’s shoe poking at his waist.

Nothing serious had come his way in that time, or rather, he’d never found anyone who could hold his attention for more than a week or two. People became dreadfully boring when all they wanted to do was faun over him and fuck him; not that it wasn’t fun at first, it was always fun at first, but there was a lack of variety, a sinking sensation that these people were more attracted to the idea of him that left a sour aftertaste.

But now he’s here, new company, new album, second leg of the new tour, new chance to sample all different women across this great nation. He’s already a little tipsy from his multiple jack and coke’s on the plane when they land, and he’s passed out on the tour bus before it even gets to the first tour stop. Once in Conneticut, he’s dragged from the bus, and informed that as soon as the tech crew had finished their meeting, they could start loading in their instruments.

“How long have they been here?” Brian asks the stage hand, and the guy shrugs.

“A couple of hours; the Floor Tech wanted the drum risers set up before she gave the brief.” He tells them as he lead the band in to the theatre, where most of the crew were milling about on stage.

“She always did have a flare for the dramatic.” John says with a grin where his eyes were trained on the stage, and Freddie hums in agreement, which only serves to confuse Roger further until he sees an all too familiar figure climbing the drum risers with a clipboard in hand.

“Alright guys, can I have your attention, please?” Even after all these years, the sound of your voice hits Roger square in the chest. “I wanna make this as quick and painless as possible, so after today we can bump in and bump out without any hassles.” You addressed the crowd with an easy confidence from your place at the top of the drum risers, tapping your nails against the back of the clipboard in your hands, wearing the overalls he’d seen you in so many times before.

“You can call me Spotlight; I’m the Head Floor Tech for the tour, as well as lighting designer; those of you on my lighting team, you’ve got a copy of the lighting plan, and I’ll be talking to you about how we’re gonna run it after this. Next time, I’ll get some help from the stage hands to set up the drum risers, I had a few people help me today to get them set up early, but that’s just because I like being tall.” With a sharp grin you pause as a titter of laughter spreads around the group, “stage management team, you’re in charge of making sure side of stage is set up with anything the band needs, and that it’s clear of unnecessary clutter and people, and running cabling for the sound guys; they’ll tell you what they need.”

After a beat, you look around the gathered crowd, and nod firmly, a gesture which a few of them return.

“If you have any questions, remember; find your Light.” You point directly at yourself. “We break for lunch at one, but until then we’ve got a lot to get through; let’s get rockin’.” Grinning brightly, you hop down from the risers into the crowd of crew members, ushering a bunch, each holding a sheet of paper, off to the side, as the others scattered like cockroaches under light.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Roger finally finds his voice where he’s still standing, a little dumbstruck, alone in the aisle of the theatre where the others had left him behind.

“Didn’t you hear her speech? Spotlight’s our lighting designer.” Freddie calls over his shoulder, eyes wide and innocent, as if he hadn’t set this all up without thinking to mention it to Roger.

“Our what now?” He splutters, jogging a little to catch up to the other band members as they made their way towards the stage. He’s not quite sure what he’s doing, or what will happen when he gets their; the last thing you’d said to him was that you were stupid to think he was above his reputation, while you were in tears, and then it had been three years of nothing. He’s not going to run, at least he’s pretty sure he’s not; he’s self aware enough to know he was in the wrong last time you spoke, that he was an asshole, but he’s not going to be a coward. Not again.

“That was quite the speech.” John waits patiently until the crew who made up the lighting team had dispersed before addressing the familiar face at the centre. You turn, eyes bright and smile brighter, casually making your way towards him and the rest of the band.

“Yeah, I really feel in my element, you know?” It’s with an easy familiarity that you pull John into a hug, giving him a firm squeeze. “Good to finally see you again.” And then you’re hugging Freddie, and then Brian, and you stop short in front of Roger. It’s a stalemate, neither one wanting to be the first to look away, but both unsure of what to do. In the end, you don’t even offer him a handshake, just nod, and you turn back to the others.

“How’s Pippin been?” Freddie asks, and you’re about to answer, but Roger cuts in.

“Hang on, can someone fill me in here? Lovely to see you, by the way, just a little confused as to how you got here.” He says, and you’re lost for words, just blinking rapidly, trying to process the whole situation.

“Did you not tell him I was working with you guys?” Your words come out incredulous as you turn your gaze upon John and Freddie, who seem just as bewildered as you.

“I thought he’d cotton on when I mentioned an American designer who used to work for EMI.” John mused, turning his gaze on Roger, who frowned, thinking back to the initial meeting he’d just mentioned.

“I did,” Brian piped up, before casting a smile at John and Freddie that was just a little bit confused, “though I wasn’t a part of this little setup.” He tried to reassure the drummer.

“In my defense,” Roger started, before his gaze dropped, “I wasn’t paying attention, design isn’t exactly my forte.” He admitted, and you had to shake your head at that, exasperated and already a exhausted.

“Pippin’s good.” You go back to John’s initial question. Pippin isn’t so much a person as it is a touring version of a Broadway musical that had opened a year ago, to great success.

It turns out a written letter of recommendation from both the lead singer, and bass player of Queen goes rather far in the industry. After taking some time for yourself, you call up EMI to beg them not to fire you, however it turns out you needn’t have; both John and Freddie had given glowing reports of your work ethic and skill, and the man on the other end of the line is just eager to know when you were next available.

The moment you’re on site next, they tell you you’ve been promoted to Floor Tech; they hand you a roll of gaff tape and a drill and a whole new set of responsibilities, heaped onto your usual load. You don’t even remember who had been performing, the tour had only lasted a month, all you know is that they were calling you Spotlight from the moment you’d arrived; apparently it was what Freddie had called you, and John had to clarify.

John is the first to contact you again, through EMI of course, and he becomes something of a comfort when you consider taking your career beyond the company that kept you firmly in the one position on tour. Freddie calls you less often, and never about business; it’s John who gives you the courage to leave EMI, and he’s the one who helps set up as a freelance theatre and event crew member.

People had been head hunting you from tour to tour, beyond even EMI, some smaller acts even giving you the full Lighting Designer role. They expect you to sit back, let a stage hand or an assistant to take care of it, but every time you watch someone else focus a spot, your fingers itch to be doing it yourself. Dedicated to a fault, Roger had once called you, you think about it every time you climb an unsteady ladder, and think perhaps that he’s right.

The moment Pippin announces it’s tour, and puts out calls for crew, you’re first in line for the job, putting your hat in the ring for lighting, but happy enough to take any crew role. Not that you don’t love working with bands, but there’s a certain finesse that comes with theatre lighting that you can’t get anywhere else in the world. After two years, and the support of both John and Freddie, you find yourself as the assistant Lighting Designer, as well as Head Floor Tech, and once you step foot onto the tour bus, everything else becomes history.

Speaking of history, later in the day, after the rest of the crew have broken for lunch, you’re wedged under the drum risers, running some cables, when you hear someone climb up them, taking a seat at the drums.

“If you play one beat-” You’re cut off by Roger’s yell of surprise, as he’s so startled he almost falls off his chair.

“Holy shit, who is that?” He’s breathing heavily, voice panicked, and for a moment you take pleasure imagining clutching his hand to his chest like a delicate, little grandmother.

“Take a wild stab in the dark,” you mutter, unwedging yourself from beneath the structure, raising an eyebrow as you look at him. Almost immediately he’s frowning, and you’re thrown back to the moment almost three years ago where you’d been here before, looking up at him from behind the drum risers after you’d changed out the light mid-show. Clearing your throat loudly, you break the moment, getting to your feet and making your way to the side of the stage.

“What are you doing here?” He calls, watching idly as you go about counting out fly lines until you get to the one you’d been looking for. You’d gotten here early to go through the fly-line procedure with the Duty Tech for the venue, and now you lowered the LX bar it was attached to with ease after making sure there was no-one in the way. Your focus made something in his chest tighten, and he feels like he’s being taken back in time; you’re beautiful when you work, passionate and skilled, meticulous, that hadn’t changed. Roger has to look away.

“My job,” and you just sound tired when you say it, already securing the meticulously placed lights onto the bar you’d just lowered, going along and fixing them to the metal in a neat line. An uncomfortable silence spreads between you, punctuated only by the scrape of metal against metal, and the rattle of the safety chains.

“What are you doing here?” You don’t even try to hide the snippiness from your voice, not even turning to look at his as the accusatory words hang in the air.

“I’m having a smoke in what I thought was going to be relative peace, it’s something I do, okay?” Voice defensive, you hear the rustle of cardboard and hear the click of a cigarette, your annoyance growing with each passing moment.

“No, it’s what I do. It’s what I did three years ago, you just started showing up. You stole my relative peace.” You snapped, turning to him, a blazing fury in your eyes at his words, before your lip curled in disgust, “And you don’t even do anything with it.” You scoffed, and he went quiet, sulking behind his drum kit. Sensing he wasn’t got to talk back you turn back to your work.

The moment you turn away, he sees the way you heave a sigh, angry tension draining from your shoulders, a little hunched as you concentrated. Your hands shake a little as you fiddle with the safety chains. There’s still that confidence there, the ease with which you moved about the stage, but unlike around other people, when it was just Roger - though he suspected you were pretending he wasn’t there - you just looked... weary.

After that first town, he keeps his distance for a few stops, though the other band members look to keep you company on occasion. But then... he’s there again. Quiet this time, he just watches where you hold yourself like royalty at the top of a rickety ladder, so sure of yourself. He’d forgotten the sight of you in your element, and it hits him like a truck.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” You snap when you chance a glance down and see his awestruck expression looking up at you. The shock comes when he actually looks abashed, averting his gaze, picking up his drumsticks and tapping out a rhythm that you’re pretty sure you recognise.

You’re both too stubborn to give the other one the peace of the theatre at lunch, however, while you’re content with stewing in silence as you worked, Roger, to no-one’s surprise, is not.

“How’ve you been?” He brings himself to ask. You stop where you’re replacing a gel on one of the drum riser lights, taking a long moment to consider your words carefully.

“Busy.” Tired. The subtext comes through loud and clear, despite your short answer, and once you’d finished with the light, you stand, before taking a moment to stretch your back out from behind hunched over.

“Working a lot?” I can tell. He answers after a long pause, almost sympathetic, and you know he’s not really responding to the words you’d said out loud.

“Yeah, non stop.” No subtext, just responding at face value, before your eyes up to the mostly finished rig. Afternoons were for last minute fixes and focusing, there wasn’t much left you could do, unless you were willing to ask for Roger’s help.

“When did your last thing end?” He asks, and you click your tongue as you turn on your heel, burned out gel in your hand, heading for a bin.

“Two days before this one.” You admitted. When you’re met with silence, you turn, and Roger’s frowning at you, almost disbelieving.

“You’re not still sleeping on the tour bus, are you?” He asks, and you roll your eyes before you tell him your accommodation is paid for this time around. You’re the first to leave, for the first time since everything had started, you leave halfway through to actually eat lunch, leaving Roger to himself.

When he’s drunk after the show, leaning against some local pub, with a girl leaning against him, heavy enough that the two of them would have tipped over if it wasn’t for the counter, he can’t get you out of his mind.

“I didn’t ruin her career.” His eyes go wide as the words, with something akin to revelation, escape him, and the girl makes a noise of confusion, her fingers ghosting over his chest, but he can’t even bring himself to enjoy it.

“I didn’t ruin her career!” He announces, excited and pleased in his inebriated state, sitting himself so forcefully on the arm of Freddie’s chair that he spills part of his drink. Freddie makes a noise of confusion, looking up at the blonde, and Roger gesticulates enough to spill more of his drink, ignoring Freddie’s yelp. “Spotlight! She said I’d ruined her career!”

“When?” Freddie asks, just as John pops out from seemingly nowhere.

“Well you certainly didn’t help it. That was me.” Roger doesn’t care that John’s drunk, the way bassist says it, so serene and matter-of-fact, makes it sting just a little bit worse. His mood instantly flips.

“Can you piss off? Go be her best friend somewhere else.” Roger snapped, and he knew he’d regret being so sharp with John the following morning, but it seemed John himself knew that Roger was in a mood, and obligingly fucked off, seemingly not taking it to heart. “When we broke up, she accused me of ruining her career.” And he realises too late, when Freddie’s eyes go wide with realisation, that he’s said too much.

“Is this where you tell me exactly what went down between you two?” He asked, tapping Roger’s leg with excitement. The blonde, however, stood abruptly, glower on his face.

“No. Fuck off.”

Roger spends almost fifteen minutes banging on the door of the tour bus before he remembers that you’re not in there, and falls into bed alone, fully clothed.

“The fuck did you say to Freddie last night?” The moment he steps foot onto the stage at lunch, you’re waiting for him, already livid. He’s tempted to turn and walk right back out the door. “Apparently he doesn’t know the real reason that I went home last ti- !”

“Of course he doesn’t!” Roger snapped back, on the defensive without a moment’s hesitation. “It makes me look like a fucking wanker and he’d kick my ass; he adores you!” And that was enough to shock you into silence, grip loosening on the gaff tape in your hands. “They all do.” He said, and your expression turns unreadable.

“I know.” You finally said, a new, strange quality to your voice, it’s something akin to shock, but not quite, and Roger doesn’t know what to say next. “What about you?” You finally ask, voice a little defensive. It hurts to see you look at him with such a judgemental eye, though he’s well aware he deserves it.

“Doesn’t matter, does it? I could apologise a thousand times and you’d still be pissy.” He huffs, and you cross your arms, cocking your hip.

“At least once would be nice.” You level a cold glare at him and his gaze snaps back at yours, surprised. “You never once apologised, you know that?” And your voice is low, hurt and honest. “Are you even sorry for what happened?”

“It was three years ago-” He sighs, but you cut him off, shifting your weight to your other foot, swallowing thickly.

“So that’s a no. Glad to see where you stand.” And you turn to cross the stage to where you’ve already got the ladder set up, but he makes his way to you in three long strides, making to grab at your upper arm. The moment he does, however, you whirl around, slapping him, hard. “I told you to never fucking touch me; did you think I forgot?” And he sees why you were so eager to leave; there’s tears in your eyes, so close to breaking and streaming down your cheeks, your lip trembling. Something about your voice is so raw, it hurts worse than the slap.

“I am sorry.” And he sounds so fucking sincere, but you just glare at him, unashamed where the tears have begun to track down your cheeks.

“You had your chance to say sorry; you had your chance to beg for forgiveness, but you told me I could leave; so I did, and so did your fucking opportunity.” But you can’t bring yourself to step back, frozen in place where he’s less than a foot away. Every fibre of your being is betraying you, wanting to be around him, close to him, after what he did.

“I’m sorry what happened between us;” his voice is so level, carefully controlled, you know he’s think hard about what he’s about to admit, “I fucked up, I know that; I’m sorry. It was three years ago but I’m still sorry. I’ve been sorry for a long time now.”

“Since it happened?” You asked, and he didn’t drop your gaze, answering without flinching or hesitation.

“Since I started worrying I’d lose you; I know what I’m like, I knew what I’d end up doing.” He admitted, and the words clearly didn’t have his intended impact as you stumble back, free hand clutching your chest.

“And yet you still-” And quietly, so quietly you’re not even sure he hears it, the words come out as more of a defeated whimper than anything else; “How could you not tell I was in love with you?”

He’s in shock, and you barge past him, leaving as you can no longer contain your aching heart, and you head to the hotel you were staying at down the road, taking the rest of the lunch break to cry.

When you return, the rest of the crew has filtered in, Roger looks guilty, and Freddie and John look about ready to commit violent homicide, which was unsurprising for Freddie, but there was something comforting about Deaky wearing the expression too. In less than a week, the whole crew knows, and wherever you go, you feel yourself followed by pitying stares, which won’t go away, no matter how hard you throw yourself into your work.

“You’re working yourself into the ground.” Roger tells you a week later, watching the way your arms tremble as you focus a light, and it takes you a moment to blink blearily at him. “Don’t forget the security chain.” He adds, and you scowl, before looking at the light itself, and hurriedly affix the security chain to the rig. You insist that you’re fine, making your way down the ladder to scoop up another parcan, but you almost immediately drop it.

“I just need some food.” You try to insist, your hands shaking as you leave the light where it is.

You don’t come out after shows, and it’s not gone unnoticed. The rest of the crew think you’re just dedicated, personable for the most part but prone to bouts of standoffishness.

“Oh you should have seen her on our first tour,” Freddie muses to an enraptured crowd at an afterparty, a few crew members listening with a bright-eyed attention, “that woman risked life and limb for our show.” And he sounds so proud when he says it, but something twists uncomfortably in Roger’s gut.

Cracks don’t show around other people, Roger’s noticed; you’re smile’s bright enough and your voice is loud enough that they don’t see the way your hands shake. Or how tired your eyes are. But then there are moments, you stand as if in the eye of the storm, gaff tape and drill in hand, watching as people follow your instructions without question, and you look up to see Roger tweaking his drums, and the two of you share a look. It’s a little indecipherable, he’s concerned and you’re just... tired. He wants to offer to help, but as soon as the moment arrives, it’s passed, and you’re off to the next task.

The air between the two of you has lost it’s angry tension; after saying your peace, after hearing his apology, there’s no fight left. Just a lingering disappointment, a quiet like the moment after a world-weary sigh. You don’t have to pretend around Roger, you both know he’d see through it if you’d tried.

“You should come get a drink after; you look like you need it.” Roger laughs, but there’s no humour in it. Without missing a beat, you decline, you don’t even bother coming up with an excuse.

“I’m worried about you.” The tour is almost three weeks in, and you’re asleep against the proscenium arch when he walks in. You wake with a start at the sound of his voice, reaching out for the light you’d been fiddling with before you’d passed out. When you look to him with confusion, he repeats himself slowly. “I’m worried about you; are you sleeping okay?”

“As if that’s any of your business.” You snapped back, and Roger kept quiet. It only takes him a day to figure out that sleep isn’t really a luxury you allowed yourself; you were the last out every night after bump out, sometimes staying until two in the morning, and from what the crew said, you were always the first up, running through check lists, accident reports, and going over anything that needed maintenance.

When Freddie asks you to come out with them after a gig, you find it difficult to say no, he helped get you this job after all, but you’re there for barely half an hour before Roger sees you slip out the side door, drink untouched.

John asks if you’re okay one afternoon when you drop a stack of gel frames without warning, jumping almost a foot in the air and looking like you’re about to break into tears from shock, but seems content when you explain you’re just tired. Tired doesn’t even begin to cover how overworked you are.

The night you finally decide to relax a little, bump out having been miraculously fast, you’ve got the next day off. The others cheer you on as you down drink after drink, the alcohol hitting you hard and quickly, and the world gets blurry as you find yourself on the dance floor. It’s easy to drink too much, because for the first time in a long time, you’re relaxed, not worrying about the pretty, dickhead blonde who worries about you when he really shouldn’t.

You’re drunk enough to admit to yourself that part of you likes the attention he’s giving you, it feels like vindication for the heartache you went through all those years ago. Part of it’s not even vindictive, part of you just likes the way he looks at you, the way his smile made your heart beat just a little faster; you call that part a fucking traitor and have another drink.

You don’t remember leaving the bar, but you come back to your body when you’re leaning against a streetlight for support, halfway through telling someone to fuck off.

“Ya’ not my caretaker, Roger,” you sneer, “you don’t need to look after me or whatever this is. Go help groupies home or to hotel or whatever.” You spit, and push off from the light, turning on your heel, almost topple over, and right yourself.

“Light, that’s the wrong way.” He calls, exasperated, and you turn again, this time actually crashing to the ground and grazing your hand on the way, before you get to your feet. He’s come over to try and help you, but you swat him away.

“You don’t get to call me that.” You stalk ahead of him in the direction he had come from, back toward the hotel, and he follows only a few steps behind.

“Fine, Y/N; you’re legless, let me help.” And after a moment of intense eye contact, in which you try to weigh up your options, you begrudgingly loop your arm through his.

“You’re still on my shit-list.” You inform him, and he hums in acknowledgement. “Why are you doing this?” You follow it up with.

“I’m not the asshole who fucked you over three years ago, and I’m not gonna let you get yourself killed for this show.” He said through gritted teeth, and you just smiled, a little dreamily.

“But what a way to go.” And he came to an abrupt stop. It took you a moment to realise, and looking back, you tugged on his arm to keep him moving. He just frowned at you, a little concerned. “Fuck, I didn’t mean it.”

“If I have to fire you to get you to take a break-” He threatened, and you scoffed, expression turning bitter.

“I’ll drop a light on you.”

“You’ll drop a light on me by accident before then anyways!” He crowed, and your expression fell, contemplative. “Just let me help; what do I have to do to make you actually rest? What do I have to do to prove myself?”

#roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x reader #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #borhap imagine #bohemian rhapsody imagine #freddie mercury #john deacon #brian may #and then there was light #ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #the angry lizard writes

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inyournightmares97 · 5 years

Text

My Youth (Chapter 6)

Broken and miserable, Park Jinyoung returns to his hometown to learn that no matter how hard he falls, there are still people who think he’s a hero.

Warnings: Mentions of suicide/depression, death, angst, slow build, maybe some language.(Please don’t ask when I’ll update. Wait until the series is finished to read if you’re impatient.)

Word Count: 5.7k+

(Can’t put links to the other parts here, please check my Masterlist/the reblog for the Prologue and Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5)

“-Mom, I’m busy,” Jinyoung muttered into the phone. He had been sitting in a crucial meeting with the Finance Director of GOT Tech and representatives of the Financial Regulatory Board. Receiving approval for his company to go public was one of the most critical and risky steps in Jinyoung’s career.

His mother, however, had been calling him constantly for the last twenty minutes.

Mrs. Park sounded upset. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung, dear. I just needed to reach you-”

“Mom, I’m in an extremely important meeting right now. Do you know how it looks when the Managing Director of GOT Group keeps getting calls from his mother during business meetings? What do you want from me?” Jinyoung demanded in a frustrated whisper, running his fingers through his hair. He tried not to let his agitation show on his face; the other high-profile attendees of the meeting could still see him through the glass wall of the conference room.

“Jinyoung, there’s been a terrible tragedy in town,” his mother began nervously. “I don’t… I don’t know how to tell you this, but i suppose there’s no easy way to talk about a death. Remember I told you that I’ve been going to the hospital every day to meet-”

Jinyoung felt a burst of irritation. The clock was ticking. The Board members were waiting for him impatiently and he could see the disapproval on their faces. “Mom, did you call me to tell me that someone died?”

“Well… yes, but-”

“Mom, I have been preparing for this presentation for months. The future of my company depends on this meeting. This is absolutely the worst time you could have chosen to tell me something like this,” Jinyoung muttered through gritted teeth. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. “Please don’t mess up my focus right now. We can talk about this later. Do you need anything from me urgently?”

Mrs. Park hesitated. “You always seem to be busy these days. I just thought… if we could maybe help out with the funeral expenses or the hospital bills…”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. “Mom, you can just call my secretary for that. She’ll send you whatever amount you need. Send them flowers from me or something, okay? I have to go now.”

“Take care, Jinyoung, dear-”

“Bye, Mom.”

Jinyoung hung up and sighed, pressing his fingers to his temple. His personal secretary had followed him out of the room and was watching him nervously. He hadn’t even asked his mother who it was that had passed away. Was it somebody he knew? Maybe it was best that he didn’t think about it too much for now.

“Take my Mom’s call and ask her who died, send them money for the funeral and all those formalities,” Jinyoung told his secretary shortly. She nodded and made a note of it on her phone quickly while Jinyoung cleared his mind.

Focus. The presentation. The numbers.

Jinyoung took a deep, calming breath and plastered a rehearsed smile on his face before he turned to enter the conference room once more.

“I’m so sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting,” Jinyoung greeted all the well-dressed men with a bright smile. “I hope you can forgive me. Mothers seem to have a knack for calling at the most inconvenient times, don’t they?”

The men chuckled politely. “That’s perfectly fine, Mr. Park.”

“May I begin the presentation?”

“Please, do.”

--------

Jinyoung believed that to achieve something great, you needed to make certain sacrifices.

He had always known that the path he was embarking upon was not an easy one. Establishing your own business meant that you didn't get off work at 5 pm sharp, you couldn’t spend your weekends at a countryside cabin or getting drinks with your friends. You needed to keep working until things got done. You needed to compete in the market. You needed to be strong enough to pick up after your losses and clever enough to make friends in the right places. People were depending on you.

Jinyoung hadn’t merely chosen a career, he had chosen a life.

A very lonely life.

Whenever his mother would call him and try to have a casual chat, Jinyoung would find himself irritated. Who cared whether Mrs. Lee from the grocery store was giving a discount on strawberry bread? What did it matter if Mr. Cha had been trying to sell his little farmland? There was important work to be done. Jinyoung needed to talk to the advertising agents to make sure his products were being launched properly, he needed to negotiate discounts with suppliers to ensure he could meet the planned pricing goals. There were employees relying on him. There were investors who had trusted him with their money. There were quarterly goals that had to be met.

Every second of Jinyoung’s time was precious. Why couldn’t everyone understand that? Why couldn’t his mother stop thinking that her tiny little world in this tiny little town was everything, and understand the importance of what her son was doing?

There are a limited number of hours every man has at his disposal. We each make a conscious choice regarding how to spend each one.

It was only now, standing in front of your mother’s grave, that Jinyoung came a terrifying realization.

He had made the wrong choices.

------

“It was heart failure,” Mrs. Park whispered.

Jinyoung’s hands clutched the cup of tea firmly. It was hot and uncomfortable, but not more than the sick feeling in his stomach. Every word his mother spoke made him feel more pathetic.

What had he been doing all those months while your mother was in hospital and when she’d died? Preparing for his company to go public? Sitting in meetings and sucking up to corporate officials? Only to be fired and thrown out of the company. Only to have missed the death of somebody who had trusted him and cared for him.

“But she couldn’t have been that old…” Jinyoung muttered.

Mrs. Park shook her head softly. “She’d always had a weak heart, Jinyoung. Her health was fragile and after her husband passed away she had no choice but to work to support her daughter. All those long hours and late nights for years… they took their toll in the end. She had her first stroke three years ago. She was in hospital for a few weeks and then she had the second one; the one that took her life.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes, remembering your mother in his mind’s eye.

“She always looked tired. And worried.”

“She was.” Mrs. Park reached out and placed a hand over her son’s nervously. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung. I should have told you about it sooner. But you were always so busy in Seoul, always doing important things. It never seemed like the right time to tell you about something so devastating. It’s my fault.”

Jinyoung let out a small scoff. “Don’t take the blame on yourself. That doesn’t help me.”

Mrs. Park looked upset. “Jinyoung-”

She was interrupted by a loud knocking at the front door. Jinyoung closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his temple while he listened to his father go to the door and yell at the person on the other side. The reporters had already found his home address. They had started arriving one-by-one since this morning. Each of them desperately wanted an interview with Park Jinyoung, the man who had lost his empire overnight. They wanted to know what he had to say about his dismissal from his own company.

Mr. Park re-entered the living room and sighed. “They’re getting more persistent. I think I should call the local police before they start trying to shove their way into our house.”

Jinyoung nodded and stood up. “I’ll go down to the police station myself and ask them to send someone to deal with this harrassment. Mom, you’ve told everyone we know to deny any reporters who request them for an interview, right?”

“Yes, but is it really a good idea for you to be going outside now-”

“I think I’ll lose my mind if I stay indoors,” Jinyoung muttered. He grabbed the black hoodie that was slung over the back of the sofa and glanced at his parents. They were both looking at him with wide, worried eyes.

Jinyoung felt a sudden wave of guilt wash over him; why should they have to deal with so much because of his mistakes? Why was he always the one taking and yet never giving?

“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly. “I’ll try and be back for dinner.”

------

Jinyoung’s legs carried him naturally towards the elementary school.

Perhaps it was a subconscious urge to see you, even though he had no idea what he would say if you really appeared before him. Anything Jinyoung could have said to help should have been said three years ago. Words like I’m sorry seemed like an insensitive joke at this point; too little and far too late.

Jinyoung sat silently on the bench by the schoolyard with his face covered by his dark hoodie, and wondered how his life had brought him to this point.

Left with nothing with shame.

“Ahjussi!”

By the time Jinyoung looked up, there was already a tiny figure running straight towards him at full speed. He flinched and braced himself for the impact; only to have the small boy stop centimetres away from him and throw his arms around him happily. Jinyoung stiffened.

“What-”

“Ahjussi, you are Park Jinyoung!” Ki-woo cried delightedly. The boy was beaming. Jinyoung noticed for the first time that one of his front teeth was missing, but it was still one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen. “Miss told me yesterday! Why did you lie and say you weren't? I can’t believe the King of the Playground walked me home after school and I didn’t even know!”

Jinyoung couldn’t resist a small smile. The sight of the little boy bouncing on his feet warmed him for a moment and he patted Ki-woo on the head. “If somebody asked Clark Kent if he was Superman, he wouldn’t say yes, now would he?”

Ki-woo’s eyes widened in understanding. “Wow. That’s so true! You’re so cool!”

“You’ll have to keep my secret.”

“Of course I will! Ahjussi, can you tell me how you did it? How did you manage to climb the oak tree?” Ki-woo demanded, grabbing Jinyoung’s arm and tugging on it eagerly. “You have to tell me, you just have to! Were you really tall?”

Jinyoung blinked. “Tall? Not particularly…”

“Then how? How did you do it?”

Jinyoung opened his mouth to respond but he was cut off by a loud yell. He had been so preoccupied with Ki-woo that he hadn’t noticed the much larger man that was making his way across the school yard. Jackson Wang had a huge smile on his face and without greeting, he threw his arms around Jinyoung in a fierce hug.

“Park Jinyoung! Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence!” Jackson cried happily. He pulled back and noticed the blank look on Jinyoung’s face. With a frown, he pointed to himself eagerly. “Remember me? Jackson! Jackson Wang! You used to pass me all the answers in History class!”

Jinyoung swallowed. “Uh…”

“Mr. Wang, you’re friends with Park Jinyoung?” Ki-woo asked, his mouth gaping open.

Jackson blinked and looked down at the boy sheepishly. “Ah, Ki-woo. I didn’t see you down there. Didn’t your teacher tell you to wait inside until someone came to pick you up? Go back indoors now.”

Ki-woo pouted. “But-”

“Nope. Back inside. Now.”

Jackson waited until Ki-woo began to slouch back towards the school building and then turned back to Jinyoung. “Man, you’re pretty much the celebrity around these parts now, eh? We had a couple of reporters come by the school this morning, asking for anyone who used to know you. You have nothing to worry about! I scared them off. These babies aren’t here for nothing,” Jackson beamed and flexed his bare bicep.

Jinyoung didn’t really know how to respond. “Nice.”

Jackson narrowed his eyes. “You do remember me, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course-”

“We should get drinks sometime and catch up now that you’re back in town! Man, I really owe you. You did me a solid one that Christmas before you left, remember? I’ll buy you a couple of beers at the pub. What’s your phone number?” Jackson demanded.

“I don’t really have a phone right now…”

“Don’t have a phone?” Jackson looked confused. “Weird but okay. I guess I can always ask Miss First Grade to get in touch with you. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me you were back in town!” he cried, slapping Jinyoung’s arm playfully. “Hold on… you’re here to see her, aren’t you?”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Not exactly…”

Jackson chuckled knowingly. “No worries, man. I’ve got your back. I need to go inside and take care of the kids now, so I’ll tell her to come out and meet you here, yeah? Let me know if any more of those reporters come around. I’ll take handle them for you!”

Jinyoung forced a smile. “Thanks-”

“No problem, man. It’s what friends are for. We’ll catch up soon!”

“Sure.”

Jinyoung watched Jackson half-run back to the school building, letting out a sigh of relief. Each person he came across in this town seemed to remember something about him and the one who possessed the most dangerous knowledge was Jackson Wang. In addition to having been the resident supplier of inappropriate magazines and the one who’d convinced Jinyoung to try his first cigarette behind the park back in high school, Jackson simply knew a little too much about everybody.

Jinyoung sat down on the bench and took a deep breath. He just realized that Jackson had said he would send you out to meet him. Why hadn’t he told him not to? He wasn’t prepared to face you. Idiot.

It was a few minutes before you emerged from the school building and walked towards Jinyoung. There was a pleasant smile on your face as you approached, and it made Jinyoung’s stomach turn. How could you smile at him like that? How could you be so calm about everything?

“Jinyoung,” you greeted him, confused. “Should you be roaming around out here? There are reporters buzzing all around town.”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Uh. Yeah, I know. Jackson said he drove them away...”

You rolled your eyes. “That idiot Jackson Wang? He was fully prepared to seize his five minutes of fame by telling them how you used to help him cheat in History class. I had to step in and force him to deny the request for an interview,” you muttered. Jinyoung’s eyes widened and you gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I sent a message to the principal of the middle school and the high school. Nobody’s going to give any interviews about you.”

Jinyoung felt small.

“Thanks,” he muttered.

“Did they find your house?”

“Yeah. They’ve been knocking the door all day. It’s really starting to bother Mom and Dad.”

Your expression was sympathetic. “Should I call the police?”

“Don’t worry. I was going to go down to the station myself and ask them to send someone to get rid of the reporters,” Jinyoung reassured you. He felt his heartbeat thump wildly as he looked at your gently smiling face. Should he say it? Should he talk about the elephant in the room? Even though he hadn’t prepared what to say?

“About… about last night…”

You blinked. “Yeah?”

He sighed. “About your mother. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I know that’s no excuse, but I should have been there and-”

You cut him off with a forced smile. “Jinyoung. It’s okay. It’s not like you could have done anything for her even if you were here, you’re not a doctor. Everyone did the best they could.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I might not have been able to help her. But… I should have been there for you.”

The smile dropped from your face. What could you say? Jinyoung’s eyes were filled with shame but it wasn’t the right time for him to be offering condolences. That time had long passed.

But you still remembered his words from last night as he’d hugged you. I don’t feel as alone when I’m here. Jinyoung had been through so much. How could you say anything to such a broken man except for it’s okay? How could you offer him anything but comfort when he had nobody but you?

How could you not be the bigger person when he was suffering?

“It’s fine, Jinyoung,” you promised him softly. “You don’t need to worry about it.”

“How can I not-”

“Seriously. Please. It’s in the past and nobody was to blame. It happened around the time your company was going public, so I can only imagine how chaotic your life and work must have been back then. I don’t resent you.”

Jinyoung looked up at you in disbelief. “How can you not?”

“I just… don’t. It’s fine.”

“Do you really mean that? Do you really mean that?” he demanded.

“I do,” you insisted firmly. You glanced at your watch and sighed. “Wow, it’s getting late. We have a PTA fundraiser at school tonight so I need to start setting up. Oh! Did you bring my bicycle by any chance?” you asked him hopefully.

Jinyoung shook his head. “Uh, no. The reporters were in front of my house so I slipped out through the back…”

“Can you drop it by the school later? I’m going to staying back pretty late because I have to wrap up after the event is over. It might even take till midnight and the buses stop running at 9 so I need a way to get home. It’s not too much trouble, is it?”

“No, that’s fine. I’ll drop it off here later.”

You gave him a small smile as you turned to go back indoors. “Bye, Jinyoung.”

“Bye.”

---------------------------

The PTA fundraiser left you drained of energy.

You would much rather have dealt with a hundred kids at once than with a handful of parents. At least kids could be made to see reason, they could be convinced with a little bit of logic (however flawed). Adults, on the other hand, believed that they knew best and that things had to be done exactly the way they wanted. Adults were unreasonable. Adults liked to throw around their authority.

You had never wanted to get into bed so badly.

You stayed back late to clean up after the fundraiser was over. It wasn’t required of you, but it was something that you somehow ended up volunteering to do. All the other teachers had families to go home to and kids to take care of. You only had an empty apartment.

Asking them to stay back instead of you felt selfish.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and trudged out into the parking lot to see that the bicycle racks were empty. Shit. Had Jinyoung forgotten to leave the bicycle behind for you? Where was he?

You pulled out your cell phone and then sighed. Damn Park Jinyoung. He didn’t even have a stupid phone. It was far past the time that Mr. and Mrs. Park would have gone to bed and you didn't want to wake them by calling them. But your apartment was too far to walk and you would have to pass by the pub; you had no interest in meeting the town’s drunkards alone in those narrow alleys at midnight.

You sighed and dialled another number.

“Jackson, hey. I’m so sorry, I know you just left a little while ago, but…”

-------------------

It was 1am when you heard a loud banging on your front door.

You had just finished taking a shower and were getting ready to slip into bed when the noise began. Your heartbeat racing, you grabbed hold of a kitchen knife quickly and then slowly approached your door.

“Who’s there?” you yelled out, voice shaking.

The voice that replied was muffled. “Jinyoung!”

Jinyoung? At this time of night?

You opened the door carefully. The first thing that hit you was the awful smell; Jinyoung stank of sweat and cheap beer. His eyes were red and his face flushed as he looked at you almost wildly.

“Are you okay?” he demanded, grabbing your shoulders to look at you properly. His hands were trembling and he seemed unaware of how loud his voice was. “Are you all right? I was looking for you everywhere!”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Wow, you’re drunk.”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry- I’m so, so, sorry-”

“How about you come inside before you bring my neighbours running over with all of your noise?” you snapped. You had little patience for drunks, and knowing that Jinyoung had been out getting drunk instead of returning your bicycle did not please you. “Where have you been?”

Jinyoung stared at you helplessly, his arms waving around as he spoke. “I-I was just going to get one drink, I swear. But it led to another and I totally forgot about your bike and I was so scared that you might have walked home because I know that path passes by the pub and it’s not safe-”

“Relax,” you told Jinyoung as you guided him gently towards your couch. “I didn't walk. I called Jackson, he drove me home.”

“Jackson? Wang? Why? Are you guys close?” he asked, plopping down heavily on the couch.

You shrugged. “He’s a good friend.”

Jinyoung paused for a moment and then hung his head quietly.

“We used to be good friends.”

You looked down at Jinyoung properly. He was a wreck. His dark hair was a tangled mess and the light blue dress shirt he was wearing was wrinkled with a beer stain on it. There were even large sweat stains under his arms; he’d probably cycled all the way here in a panic.

And he’s one of the Most Eligible Bachelors under 40. If only the magazine had seen him like this.

“We’re still friends,” you told him lightly. “Although it wouldn’t do any harm to return my bicycle when I ask for it. Do you want a glass of water?”

Jinyoung blinked at you dazedly. “Do you have beer?”

“Absolutely not. Haven’t you had enough?”

His lower lip pouted slightly as he stared down at the floor. “I’ve been drinking all evening but I haven’t reached the point where I feel good or forget about my problems yet. In fact, I keep thinking about them even more. How about a cigarette?”

“You will not smoke in my house,” you told him with a firm glare.

To your surprise, Jinyoung suddenly smiled. It was only a gentle curve of his lips but you spotted it and frowned at him with your arms folded across your chest. “Are you feeling proud of yourself right now? Do you think your behaviour is something to laugh about?” you demanded.

Jinyoung looked up at you softly. “No.”

“Then why are you-”

“Because this is the first time you’ve given me that look since I came back,” Jinyoung admitted quietly. His voice trembled. “This is the first time you got angry at me. You don’t seem to get angry at me anymore.”

You didn’t understand. “Why would you want me to be angry at you-”

“Because you have to be angry with someone before you can forgive them. You have to first admit that they hurt you or that they did something wrong, and only then can you begin to repair your relationship,” Jinyoung whispered. He looked up at you and you could see the tears brimming in his eyes. “So tell me honestly. Have you forgiven me already?”

You swallowed. “I was never mad at you to begin with-”

“You’re lying.”

You clenched your fists as your heartbeat thudded. “I’m not lying. You’re drunk. You should drink some water and you can sleep on the couch-”

Jinyoung looked up at you, his eyes bloodshot yet surprisingly clear. “You are lying. Either you’re lying or you’re not the same girl I remember.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because the girl I knew wouldn’t have pretended to forgive a friend to spare his feelings. She would have grabbed me by the shirt, looked me in the eye, and said Park Jinyoung, you’re an absolute bastard for leaving me here when I was having a hard time. She wouldn’t have spared my feelings. She would have expected me to be there for her because that’s what friends do. They count on each other.”

You closed your eyes. How had Jinyoung seen right through you? Even after 10 years, how could he see through you like you were made of glass?

“I’m not angry,” you tried to tell him slowly, even though you weren’t sure who you were convincing anymore. “Because I never expected you to be there. You were busy and I had no expectations-”

Jinyoung scoffed. “You’re lying again.”

“I’m not-”

“You are. Friendship is when you help someone, because you trust that they would do the same for you. What you’re doing for me isn’t friendship. You don’t trust me anymore. If you have no expectations from me, then that’s charity!” Jinyoung spat out. Tears were brimming in his eyes and his voice was choked. “Is that what I am to you? Charity?”

You clenched your fists and let out a small, humourless laugh. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”

“What?”

“Where the fuck do you get off accusing me of treating you like charity? After what you did?” you snapped.

Jinyoung stared at you blankly. “Tell me.”

Your throat closed up. You didn’t want to talk about it. You didn’t want to drag yourself back to what had been the lowest point of your life, especially not in front of Jinyoung. You didn’t know who he was to you anymore. How could you open up to him?

“I can’t,” you muttered. “I don’t want to talk about it, Jinyoung.”

“Please,” Jinyoung whispered. “Please. At least tell me I was a terrible friend for not being there. Tell me I was a terrible friend for not even knowing about your mother.”

You took a deep breath and sat down, your knees feeling weak. You had never imagined that you would have to sit next to Jinyoung and say these words to him while he was drunk. Yet, as his dark eyes pierced into yours, he looked more sober than ever.

“It was my fault she died,” you whispered, shakily. “I know how hard my Mom worked to raise me. I know how much she struggled after my Dad passed away. The doctor told me her heart attack was probably caused by stress- years of it. She was growing old but she’d never even gone for a health check-up because we couldn’t afford it.”

Jinyoung stared at you silently.

“I needed someone to say this to back then,” you admitted quietly. “I needed someone who would listen to me and who wouldn’t try to convince me that it wasn’t my fault or that I didn't do anything wrong. That’s what everyone kept doing. They kept trying to comfort me but I just wanted someone who would listen. I wanted you,” you mumbled.

Jinyoung only nodded. His hands reached out to take both of yours. He grasped them tightly.

“I knew you were busy, but I always had this hope that maybe you would come to the funeral,” you whispered. “I thought… surely, whatever I did to make you cut me off, it wasn’t so bad that you wouldn't even turn up to my mother’s funeral. But the truth was that I couldn’t grieve properly because the hospital was hounding me about the bills, I…”

You took a deep breath. You hated thinking about those moments. You had felt so helpless and alone, backed into a corner. “I don’t think it even sank in that my mother was dead until a few days later,” you mumbled. “ I spent the first day wondering how the hell I was going to pay the hospital bills instead of thinking about her. Your mother tried comforting me, she told me it would all be fine and that she would call you for help.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes; tears were clinging to his eyelashes.

“She did,” he mumbled.

You felt the walls around you come crashing down as you looked at the broken man in front of you. You remembered how badly you’d wanted to see him then, how much you’d craved his comfort. You remembered how furious you had been when you realized that Jinyoung had abandoned you.

“I thought you would call,” you mumbled. “I didn’t want to disturb you but at the same time I trusted that you wouldn’t leave me alone at a time like that.”

Jinyoung’s voice was soft. “I’m sorry.”

“It would have been better if you hadn't done anything at all,” you mumbled. “Maybe then I could have forgotten about it in the mess that I was going through. But you didn’t. I got a call from your secretary the night before the funeral.”

Jinyoung lowered his head. His hands were trembling even as they held yours and you could hear his soft sniffle. “Shit,” he muttered, his voice thick with tears. “Shit, I can’t believe-”

“I thought you’d finally called. But it wasn’t you. I had to hear some strange woman tell me over the phone that Park Jinyoung is sorry he can’t make it to the funeral but he sends his condolences,” you choked out. You smiled humorlessly. “As if I was some distance acquaintance you barely knew. You sent me your condolences through your secretary.”

“I didn’t- I didn’t know it was you…”

“And then she told me that if I would just email her a copy of the hospital and funeral bills then all the expenses would be taken care of,” you mumbled. “She said that she could send me as much as I needed, no limit. I was so embarrassed. I wanted-I wanted to tell her that you could go fuck yourself and that I didn’t want your condolences and your money. I wanted to refuse so badly, but…”

You hung your head in shame. “But I couldn’t,” you whispered. “I couldn’t say that to her because it was true. I had no other way of paying those bills. So I sent her the details and I let you pay for them. Whether you know it or not, you paid for all my mother’s hospital bills and funeral while I sat here and wondered how I had become such a worthless daughter.”

Jinyoung’s hands clasped yours so tightly that it hurt. His shoulders were shaking and you could see the sobs racking his chest. “I didn’t mean to-” he sobbed. Jinyoung’s tears landed on your clasped hands. “I didn’t mean to, I swear…”

You slowly removed your hands from his. “I have the accounts,” you muttered. “I’ve been saving up to pay you back. It might take me a few more years but-”

Jinyoung flinched. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s not open to discussion, Jinyoung.”

“Don’t say you’ll pay me back, please-”

“I will pay you back,” you said firmly. You took a deep breath. “You know why? Because I might be able to forgive you for not being there when I needed you. But I will never, never forget how cheap I felt the moment I ended that phone call. So don’t talk to me about charity; I know how it feels to be on the other end of it.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. He felt light-headed and blank as he thought about everything you’d said. No wonder you didn’t consider him a friend. No wonder you couldn't bring yourself to be honest with him. No wonder there was something fake and forced about your every smile.

Jinyoung hadn’t just messed up.

He had destroyed something precious to him without even realizing it.

“It’s late,” you mumbled after a brief silence. “You should go to sleep. Here, just; make yourself comfortable on the couch and I’ll get you a blanket and some pillows.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I-I can’t…”

“You’re not going anywhere at this time of night while you’re drunk,” you told him. You pushed him lightly so that he leaned back against the sofa. “Stay put. I’ll be back. I think we’ve talked enough for tonight.”

“Can you just promise me one thing?” Jinyoung asked quietly.

“What’s that?”

“Even if you don’t consider me your friend anymore, even if you’re just being nice to me because you’re that kind of a caring person… don’t give up on me completely.” Jinyoung looked up at you desperately. “Please. Tell me that I can fix things. Tell me I haven’t broken our friendship and my life beyond repair.”

You looked down at him. Lying on your couch in his crumpled dress shirt and the beer stains, Jinyoung looked pathetic. Perhaps it was because you’d finally let out all the resentment you’d been bottling up for so long. Perhaps it was because, looking into Jinyoung’s eyes now, you could see that he did care. But you suddenly didn’t feel so hollow anymore.

You didn’t feel so lonely in your pain.

“Everything can be fixed, Jinyoung,” you told him softly.

“Even us?” he mumbled.

You nodded. “Even us.”

“Even me?”

“Especially you.”

Jinyoung slowly closed his eyes and you went into the other room to get him a spare pillow and a blanket. He let you place the pillow under his head and snuggled into the soft blanket. You turned to switch off the light when you heard him mumble.

“You know something?”

“What, Jinyoung?”

“I thought that the most unbearable thing about being fired from the company was all the effort I’d put into it. I thought I couldn’t bear it because I’d done so much for it for the years,” he said slowly.

You blinked at his curled up figure under the blanket.

“But it’s not?” you asked.

Jinyoung shook his head. “It’s not how much I’ve done for the company that I can’t bear. It’s how much I sacrificed for it.”

-------------------

#got7 #got7 scenarios #got7 scenario #got7 angst #park jinyoung #got7 jinyoung #jinyoung angst #jinyoung scenario #got7 imagines #got7 drabbles #got7 series #got7 fanfiction #jinyoung fanfic #jinyoung my youth

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angstybadboytrash · 5 years

Text

|| Voice of Treason|| Chapter 6

[DABI X OC]

Summary: Hanako Yamada is tired of living in her brother’s shadow, so when an old friend comes back into her life, she can’t help but take a chance and make a new name for herself alongside the League of Villains.

Chapter: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

A/N: Hey Guys! Writing for this has been awesome. I don’t have an entirely specific plot for this piece but as I go along pieces go together. I have an idea on how I want this to end but I’m struggling getting there. I also realize these first few chapters are more centered around my OC and her development than her relationship with Dabi. But please don’t fret! Big things are coming!! Also I wanted to put my own twist on this and have some Villain!Bakugou so this is a chapter leading up to that. But here’s some more Hana development and soft Bakugou. Enjoy! Please give me some feedback!

Reblog to be put on tag list

Tags: @fridgesbestfriend @princedabi @nightkidd-hd @gaylemonsmutfluff @dark-eyed-dream @sweetycue @aarinisreading

It was complete and utter chaos when the leauge finally made their messy getaway. With Bakugo in tow they had accomplished their goal but now came the hard part. Getting him to join.

They locked him in the cellar downstairs and were going to deal with him tomorrow. Hana couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that if they waited he wouldn’t join. Right now he was alone and vulnerable and she was going to take advantage of that.

After the team had gone to sleep, Hana snuck downstairs to talk to the hotheaded teenager. She still wore her uniform and the clicking of her boots against the cement floor caught Bakugo‘s attention.

Hana didn’t know this boy well at all, but she had seen him during the sports festival so she knew what he could do.

“What the fuck do you want.”

“Look I just want to talk. I’m not gonna hurt you or anything. I come in peace kiddo.” Hana had brought a chair down with her and sat straddling the seat while leaning on the back of the chair with her arms crossed.

“So... what’s your story?” Hana’s tone was kind and curious. She wanted to get to know Bakugo before trying to get him to join.

“I don’t have to tell you shit. Let me go you sick bitch.” Bakugo was angry but he was too tired to put much effort into his insults. His hands were handcuffed behind him so he couldn’t really fight.

“Okay I get it. The Leauge kidnapped you. But there’s no need to call me a bitch. I didn’t kidnap you, they did.” Hana pretended to look hurt.

“Whatever.”

“Listen. I just wanna get to know you. I wanna know your story. How about we make a deal. I’ll tell you who I am and what my story is first, and then you tell me yours. Deal?”

Katsuki thought it over for a moment. He could tell Hana wasn’t a threat but he could also tell she was stubborn. She wasn’t gonna budge and she was gonna keep asking no matter how many times he cursed at her or spit in her face. After a long day of training and over exerting his powers, for the first time in a while, Bakugo wasn’t in the mood to argue.

“Whatever. Deal.” He rolled his eyes as the raven haired girl infront of him smiled enthusiastically.

“Awesome! Let’s get started, oh um, where should I start? Um, hi, my name is Hanako Yamada. My friends call me Hana, um-“

“Wait, you’re- you’re the missing girl. You’re Present Mic’s little sister aren’t you?” Bakugo couldn’t help but interrupt.

“Yeah. Sadly that’s me. Um anyway-” Hana nervously fiddled with her fingers, spinning the promise ring that Touya gave her senior year around in circles.

“Why sadly? Your brother is a hero? Aren’t you proud?” Bakugo was confused at why Hana didn’t enjoy having a pro hero older brother.

“I was proud when he was still my brother. Before he went pro. Before he went pro he was actually there for me. Hizashi is almost 8 years older than me but he always took care of me. When he graduated and went pro, he -he wasn’t my brother anymore. He was Present Mic, the magnificent Pro-Hero. He would call every once in a while but he was never there for me.”

Bakugo understood completely. He knew what it was like to have someone who didn’t act like the person they needed them to be. His mother never really acted like a mother. She wasn’t caring or nurturing like everyone else’s mom. She yelled a lot and was never really there for him when he needed his mom.

“Um.. Anyway.. I didnt go to UA for school but growing up everyone knew me as Hizashi’s little sister. He was loud and outgoing and I was the opposite. I kept to myself and didn’t have very many friends which was fine with me. I would have gone to college but I lost someone really close to me when I turned 20. My best friend disappeared. Me and Touya had big plans for life but after he disappeared I didn’t know what to do with myself. I moved out and got a job at the coffee bar down the street and that was my new life. I lived alone and sad. Hizashi would text me occasionally but he wasn’t there for me like I needed him to be.” Hana ran her fingers through her long black locks and played with the dead ends.

“I know the feeling.. I don’t have any siblings but I can relate because of my mom.. My mom doesn’t really act like my mom. She’s got a firecracker personality and it’s where I get mine from but she’s cold, and harsh, and she blows up at me more than she says she loves me. She doesn’t care for me like other kids moms. That’s one reason why I hate Deku... his home life is so much better than mine and he takes it for granted. You have no idea how much I would give to be able to hear my mom say she was proud of me for once...” Bakugo’s voice wavered as he talked and Hana knew this must be a hard topic for him.

“Hey kiddo it’s gonna be okay. I’m sorry your mom isn’t much of a mom..” Hana didn’t really know what to say to the blonde but she she couldn’t help but feel resentful towards his mother. Hana couldn’t understand why someone wouldn’t care for their child like a proper human being. Hana didn’t care for kids that much but she knew they needed love and positive encouragement.

“I’m sorry your brother isn’t much of a brother.” Bakugo couldn’t help but mimic the woman infront of him. He wished that his mother had conversations like this with him. Bakugo didn’t have an outlet to let talk to anyone or let out his emotions and this time with Hana was something he was really enjoying. But he would never admit that to her. Without realizing it, Bakugo had let his walls down and it felt good.

That night Hana and Bakugo spilled secrets, told jokes, shared stories and they both let their walls down and just.. talked. Which was something new for the both of them. They both had more fun than they would like to admit and enjoyed each others company. Hana had started to care for the boy and if he needed a mother figure, she was gonna do her best to be that for him.

— The Next Morning —

Bakugo woke to the loud slam of the wooden door against the concrete wall.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LET HIM GO-Oh he’s right here. Oh you meant. Oh.” Dabi rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. He didn’t realize when you told him that you let him go, you meant you untied his restraints.

“Sorry to wake you hun. I’m about to make breakfast. I’ll bring you some in a bit.” Hana rubbed her fingers through Bakugo’s messy blonde hair. He nodded to Hana and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“What just happened? Why are you making him breakfast and not me??” Dabi was baffled by the interaction he just watched. He couldn’t believe that his girlfriend was making a prisoner breakfast instead of her boyfriend.

“I stayed up last night and talked to the boy. Got to know him and we talked about stuff. He’s got some issues with a parental figure that’s lacking and I figured that if I give him what he needs he can help us get what we want. Plus he’s a really good kid Dabi, he trusts me.” Hana worked her way around the kitchen as she spoke. Making bacon and eggs for the firecracker in the basement.

“Update Shigaraki on the situation so he doesn’t go prodding in places he isn’t needed. I’m so close to getting a forward answer from him on joining.” Hana couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Bakago joining their little ring of misfits. So far he hadnt tried to escape and he seemed to trust her and if he didn’t then he was a hell of a good actor.

Hana entered the basement with the hot breakfast and a glass of orange juice. Bakugo’s mouth pratically watered at the sight. “Here you go hun, if you need anything else let me know.” Bakugo hummed in response as he dug into food and started shoveling.

“Katsuki i need to talk to you. I know you are probably hesitant about all of this but i wanted to know if you’ll join us..” Hana couldn’t help but fiddle with her fingers in anticipation for the boys answer. she was very anxious about asking him but thats what Shigaraki wanted.

Bakugo was silent. He knew this was coming but he didn’t realize it would be so soon.

“You won’t have to stay with us if you don’t want to. You can stay at UA and be our informant. You won’t be technically a part of the league of villains but you will assist us. I can train you. You’re already amazing and at the top of your class but you could be so much more Katsuki..” Hana started rambling to fill the awkward silence..

“Shut up fuckstick. Stop rambling. I- I’ll-“

Before he could answer the bulding shook as a huge explosion went off. The building shook so hard that it knocked Hana off her feet. She fell forward into the teen and he caught her effortlessly.

Hana mumbled several curses under her breath as she pulled herself together. She knew exactly who was here and she was pissed. Dabi lit ablaze in self defense and Hana was so ready to scream.

“Watch the kid. I have someone to deal with.” Hana rushes out of the room before either of the boys could protest.

Hana silently prayed that her least favorite person wasn’t here but then she heard it.

“LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE. GIVE ME BACK MY SISTER! YA DIG?!”

Present Mic’s booming voice could be heard from miles away.

“Fuck.”

#dabi is a todoroki #dabi #dabi x oc #dabi x reader #league of villians #voice of treason #katsuki bakugou #villain!bakugou

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takingcourage · 5 years

Text

The Start of Forever - Part 5

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Pairing: Drake x MC

Word Count: 2,387

Series Summary: The wedding has passed and the Duke and Duchess of Valtoria are free to begin their lives together away from the constraints of court. While honeymooning in Texas, they’re confronted with questions from their past that raise implications about their future. (Slight AU)

Chapter Summary: Drake and Jena spend some time alone after a difficult conversation with his mother.

Author’s Note: Whew! Apologies for the unexpected hiatus on this story. Now that I have some free time again, I should be able to finish posting this story. I appreciate your patience through the long delay!

Tagging: @andy-loves-corgis, @carabeth, @speedyoperarascalparty

All things considered, Karen Walker had been rather more understanding than she’d expected. As Jena loaded her cereal bowl into the dishwasher, she thought back over the painstaking conversation that had ended less than an hour before.

Drake had not underestimated the effect that their news would have on his mother. On learning that her son had been given a duchy, color had drained slowly from the older woman’s face until a dull white shell was all that remained. In spite of her polite responses, the visceral reactions had been painful for all three of them.

Shortly after their previous discussion had finished, Karen had pulled Drake aside for a private word. After what she'd seen over the past eighteen hours, Jena could only hope that the woman was doing him no further damage.

She tried to convince herself that she’d done nothing but hurry along the inevitable, but guilt assailed her all the same. This certainly wasn’t the way she’d envisioned this day going. At this point, so much of their morning had been consumed by unpleasant conversation that she wondered if Drake would want to leave early for their night back in Dallas. She glanced a the stovetop clock, trying not to get her hopes up.

The quiet intonations from down the hall were at least somewhat reassuring. There had been no yelling -- of that was certain. If she was venturing to guess, she didn’t think she’d heard anything that sounded like crying either. Both seemed like signs in favor of productive conversation between mother and son.

Jena found a rag draped across the head of the faucet, dampened it, and set about clearing crumbs from the table. As she finished the final swipe across the width, she sensed a presence coming toward her.

“You don’t have to do that, Wittman.” The soft-spoken words startled out of her thoughts, despite her intuition.

“I know. But I needed something to do.” She cupped her hand underneath the cloth and shook the contents into a nearby trash can. “You doing okay?” Having rinsed the rag, she returned it to its former spot and rubbed her hands down the front of her jeans.

“Fine.” His brown eyes were trained on her, and she raised a quizzical brow as he opened and shut his mouth. Eventually, the words ventured forth. “Would you be interested in going riding? I was hoping to get the chance to show you around the ranch…”

“I’d like that a lot, actually,” she assured, still taking in his appearance.

Drake looked tired. It was evident in the exaggerated slackness of the skin around his eyes. A pang of guilt plagued her as she contrasted this with their time at the cabin. He’d been so peaceful there. After all of the stress she’d seen on that face in the past months, it sickened her to think that she’d been the cause of more.

“Good. We may as well get over to the stables. Have you ever actually saddled a horse, Wittman?” He raised his brow in challenge.

“No, but I think I’m about to learn how.”

“Just as long as you don’t go scaring the horses. I don’t want to have to reenact that rescue from the derby.”

Jena scoffed at the slight, shaking her head in disbelief as she followed him out the front door. “You know that’s not how it happened, Walker.”

“Of course not,” he acquiesced, treating her to a half smile. She rolled her eyes and fell into step at his side, slipping her fingers into his.

Jena had only ridden horses a few times during childhood, but she’d adjusted to the practice fairly quickly after coming to Cordonia. When she wasn’t taking day-long treks for foxhunting, she found that she actually enjoyed it very much -- especially when she was fortunate enough to have her husband’s company.

Riding around his family’s property spawned memories of exploring Valtoria with him on horseback, and she felt a pang of longing for their home. There was so much waiting for them when they returned. As much as she had enjoyed the honeymoon, some part of her was giddy at the thought of starting real life together.

Today, however, she was focused on Drake’s wellbeing. Other than the extremely thorough instructions as he’d guided her through the process of saddling the horses, he’d been fairly quiet since coming to find her in the kitchen. Jena's mind overflowed with words that could fill the silence, but nothing felt right. She breathed a grateful sigh when he chose to speak instead.

“I was pretty upset with you this morning, Wittman. I was sitting there drinking coffee and thinking that you were being unreasonable -- that you’d judged my mom too harshly. I’m not so sure anymore.”

The uncertainty in his voice halted her instinctive response. Jena breathed out slowly through her nose, biding her time in case there was more he wanted to say.

“I’ve never felt so angry with her before. She can doubt me all she wants, but doubting you -- I never thought she’d go that far. That’s a line she shouldn’t have crossed. I feel like I don’t even know her anymore...”

“For the record, I didn’t want to be right,” Jena admitted softly, grateful that they kept their horses at a relaxed pace so that she could meet his gaze. Her heart clenched at the distance in his deep brown eyes. “I just know what it’s like to defend someone who doesn’t deserve it. Finding out they’re not who you thought they were...it’s a hard pill to swallow.” She fiddled with the leather reins between her fingers, hoping that she was treading lightly enough to cause no offense.

“Your dad?” he asked simply.

Nodding, she met his eyes. The distant look gave way to a tenderness that mirrored her own worry for him, and she was struck by just how broken both of their families had been. “I wasted a lot of years making excuses for him, Drake. When I finally forgave him, it wasn’t because he’d done anything to deserve it. I just needed closure.” Drake stretched out a hand and she took it gratefully before continuing. “I don’t want you to have to go through all of that with your mom. I hope you’re able to figure things out and find a way to start over, but please don’t beat yourself up about it if you’re not.”

Her husband sighed, taking his time to respond as he turned his gaze to the horizon. “I sort of have to. I mean, dad’s not around any more. She doesn’t exactly have anyone else.”

Jena shook her head in an attempt to clear the conflicting emotions. She’d realized long ago that his protective instinct would have a propensity for getting them in trouble. She just hadn’t expected the trouble to take this form. “You always want to defend the people you care about, Drake. It’s one of the first things I noticed about you -- one of the things I love most about you too. But sometimes you have to think about protecting yourself. Sometimes that may even mean letting others protect you.”

“I don’t like to have people worrying about me.”

“We’ve been over this before…”

“I know. And sometimes having you around to worry about me is a good thing. I wouldn’t have come clean with my mom if it hadn’t been for you.”

“I hope it was the right decision.” She’d spent the past several hours second guessing her encouragement from the night before. “Did things...go okay?”

“Heh.”

She waited several moments, but he elaborated no further. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she ventured finally.

“Just that I think it’s going to take some time for her to adjust to the idea that I’m a noble and that I’m staying in Cordonia for good. But I think some part of her is proud too. Maybe someday she’ll come around to the idea that I’m not just wasting my life over there.”

“Does she really think that?” The words felt strangled as Jena worked them out of her throat. So many of her early interactions with Drake became clearer as she considered Karen’s likely influence.

He clicked his tongue to encourage the horse, but her question remained unanswered. Several paces later, he came to a sudden stop. Jena pulled the reins gently and dismounted to stand beside him in the tall grass.

“We’ll let the horses graze for a bit.”

She stroked the mare’s bony cheek and dropped the reins, putting her hands in her pockets instead. Squinting against the mid-morning sun, she followed Drake to a line of fencing nearby. Green stretched before them on every side, the light wind stirring long blades of grass into mesmerizing waves. She wondered vaguely if this was the sight that had enticed Karen to come back from Cordonia. Out here, in the warmth of late spring, it wasn’t hard to imagine the appeal that this land must have held.

Drake leaned against the nearest post, a wrinkle forming between his brows. With ease, Jena mounted the fence beside him, steadying herself with a certain hand.

Did I cross a line? Why hasn’t he answered my question? Jena hated the thought that her carelessness might have caused such distress. A week ago, she wouldn’t have been so bothered by the thought. Now, as this man’s wife, she felt some measure of responsibility to read his mind. The notion was ridiculous, but present nonetheless. Just as she was clearing her throat, he spoke.

“I’m not sure what my mother thinks anymore. She didn’t take it very well when I moved back to Cordonia. Wanted me to forge my own path instead of running back to the palace.”

“Do you ever regret it?”

“Going back?” At her nod, he continued. “I had a lot of questions at the time, but in a way, mom’s right. I’d been following Liam around for so long that it was easier to just settle back into that when I came back from the States. It took me a while to find where I belonged in all of it. But no, I don’t regret it. Cordonia is home.”

“You’ve found your way now. And with or without the courtly graces, you’re still Drake Walker,” she beamed encouragingly. “I just wish your mom had taken the chance to get to who that man is.” A fresh sting of remorse accompanied the words, and she looped her fingers around the hand that rested beside her on the fence.

Drake interlocked his fingers with her own and lifted his face tentatively. “I think I’d like for her to get the chance to.”

Her pulse quickened at the meaning that underpinned his words. Biting her tongue, she shifted her weight toward him and took in his pensive expression.

“I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” He hiked a hand through his hair. “But I’m not sure I’d ever forgive myself if I cut the relationship off completely. I’d always wonder if things could have been different. I’m not saying that I want to come out here for Christmases or anything, but--” preoccupied, he ceased speaking as she squeezed his hand.

“I’ll support whatever you choose, Drake. I can’t say I have a very good first impression of her, but I respect how much she means to you. If I had any hope of my dad changing for the better, I’d probably make the same choice.” Her tone grew wistful at the impossible notion. “But I think we’re going to have to find a compromise. I don’t want you bending over backward to make her a part of our lives if she won’t even meet you halfway. You can’t do that to yourself, Drake.”

“Agreed.”

“So she’s going to have to understand that there are boundaries she can’t cross. It’s going to take some time for us to establish trust again.”

“Sounds fair to me,” he considered, stroking her knuckles with his thumb as he looked to her face. “She’s been through a lot, Jena. I don’t want to put her through more than she deserves.”

“I know,” she responded quickly to the flash of pain in his eyes. “But if she puts you through more than you deserve, she’ll have me to contend with.” Although her tone was light, they both knew that the threat was genuine.

He hoisted himself onto the fence beside her, dropping his hands to his sides. “I never thought I’d be so happy to get back to Valtoria, but I’m really looking forward to it.”

She offered a wry smile. “I am too. I know we’re going to try to work things out here, but I can’t wait to get back to Dallas and then home.”

“It’s the last night of our trip, Wittman. How do you want to spend it?”

“Seeing as it’s the last night of our honeymoon,” she emphasized, “I was thinking room service, hot tub, and…some drinks.”

“Now that’s a plan I can get behind.”

“I’m not going overboard though. We’ve got a day full of traveling tomorrow.”

“We’ll sleep it off on the plane.”

“Maybe you will," she joked, hopping down from the fence. “I’ll be awake for it all.”

“Even if I keep you up all night?”

Jena threw him a look over her shoulder. "That didn’t exactly work for the trip out here." He extended a hand toward her and she settled into the space between his legs, running her palms against toned thighs that were stretched taut from his heels pressing into the lower rail.

"I’ll take that as a challenge.” The glint in his eyes sent tendrils of heat through her core.

“Just keeping you on your toes, Walker.”

Drake shook his head at her accompanying wink.

“Ready when you are,” she announced, rising to the tips of her toes. Drake cradled her cheek in his hand and leaned into the kiss. His lips were soft and warm, heated by the morning sun. She snaked her arms around his waist and melted into him with pleasure. When she finally pulled away, it took several moments for her head to clear.

The kiss told her all she needed to know. They would make it through this. Together.

#playchoices #playchoices fanfiction #the royal romance #trr #drake walker #drake x mc

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gammija · 6 years

Text

The Hollow review/summary/rant/explanation of why i hate the ending I wasn’t sure whether I should post this, but I did enjoy reading others experiences watching this show, so here’s mine under the cut. Edited from a convo with a friend.

(Obviously, spoilers!)

Me: Okay so to properly express my disappointment i gotta take you through the major beats

The show starts with three teens waking up in an almost empty room, finding out they all have amnesia. They quickly solve a puzzle to escape the room, and just as quickly Adam and Mira realize they have superpowers (superstrength/agility and some weird 'speak to animals/know all languages' hybrid, respectively. also she can breathe underwater and swim really fast. its kind of vague)

Kai is already clearly a comic relief, discount Ron (from HP, the movies, no idea about the books) so me and sister correctly predict he'll get jealous of adam and miras relationship (even if there is none), gets pissy and jealous that he has no powers, but then finds out he has powers anyway he does, hes a fire bender. cant say im not bitter about that cause id put my money on invulnerability but eh its alright he has red hair after all hes still fun

Friend: Of course he is

I just feel bad is all aldjs

Me: adam gets a throwaway line of 'maybe were dead' and kai never lets it go

this food might be poisoned but im starving and hey were dead anyway! right, adam

Friend: I love him??

Me: i loved him as soon as he spoke his first dumb words also he puns but basically hes the only interesting char; adam and mira are just cookie cutter 'male lead 1' and 'female lead 1' i mean, he’s cookie cutter ‘jealous 3rd wheel’ but that has more going on than the first two still servicable though

anyway so the jokes are sometimes fun, and superpowers are always my jam. but the REAL reason to keep watching is just, whats going on? ARE they dead? or in some kind of weird gvnmt experiment? some weird magical vampire guide (dont ask) hints they wanted this themselves ooh, intrigue. and the world is very very quirky they start in a gravity falls-y woods and then get teleported to a desert with minotaurs and witches, then get invited for tea by the Grim Reaper and the rest of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

tbh Grim is the best part of the show but thats neither here nor there

anyway they have a magic map that updates once theyve been somewhere, and it shows them that the hot dry desert and the swampy wood bunker are like right next to each other

so you start thinking, how are they gonna explain that? this is too weird to be handwaved away. theyve gotta be going somewhere

they visit some other exotic locals, like what appears to be the set of Alien (complete with alien) and an abandoned old fair and a floating island with japanese inspired evildoers on it

the weird magic guide keeps showing up and being vague, dropping hints that there are other kids there etc

at some point Mira says "This is no time for games!" Weirdy: "Thats where youd be wrong~" me and sister: Aha! videogame! that connects all the dots, and also makes the tropes clear: small world with all kinds of different areas, quests, fights, superpowers, an updating map, fast travel Adam, a few eps later: guis i think we might be in a videogame me and sister: [high five]

Anyway in the meantime also the second predictable Kai (discount Ron) plot happens: they meet three other kids (boy boy girl) and they act shady but the girl takes an immediate and obvious interest in Kai so obviously theyre gonna manipulate him and have him betray his friends but in the end he'll see through their facade and kick their ass that more or less happens. The other teens also confirm that this is a game, and theyre trying to win. winning is done by bringing the MacGuffin to a tree fights over macguffin ensue situations are dire but our characters persevere

(also Mira kisses Adam and he acts very weird about it, almost as if hes gay and the only reason they didnt make it canon is censors) (no lingering gaze, just him going 'hehe yeah no thanks, its not you, its me', but in a very... he doesnt seem to be saying it with shall we say burning desire in his soul. hes literally just like 'eh youre a good friend.' Cool move, cartoon that made the two main boys have arguments over nothing cause of course the two main guys have constant dick measuring matches)

this all is not the offensive part btw it was all fun and games, its just a flash cartoon i wasnt expecting Shakespeare

anyway so theyre in a videogame, and apparently thats the answer to all the weirdness. A bit of a cop-out, cause thats a very easy answer, but eh, it works. it wasnt immediately obvious.

also something i hadnt mentioned yet: thisd be ideal for making (self-insert) OCs. Unique powers for each person, there are clearly more characters than shown, the world is your playground

and maybe the video game thing could be interesting on its own in the last few eps the game seems to be glitching out a lot they say its breaking apart so they really gotta hurry now maybe they were beta testers for a vr game gone wrong maybe this is part of it but its like a huge experience that you tell all your friends about anyway there are ways it could be cool, could be expanded to a season 2 despite having solved the mystery

but. last episode. our heroes get the MacGuffin, go to a final stage, and fight the Boss Battle (its a dragon). they enter the Castle....

...and the screen zooms out, into a sudden live action stage, where we see the cartoon (literally what you were just watching) on screen. there are 6 chairs, 3 with our heroes, 3 with the other teens, presumably. theres a host and hes dressed exactly like the weird guy (and that was already kind of a clashy outfit in the cartoon). it was all just a game show. but. the worst part is the live action

you. dont. go. from. animated. to. live. action.

other way around? fine, can work. But now? WHY itd still be dumb and dissapointing but if itd been animated too itd at least have been.... nice to look at but the acting.. oh god they didnt even say anything and it was all wrong clearly theyd just picked the first random teens that vaguely looked like the chars and put them in there cause they had no lines so who needs acting?!

the enemy teams girl had, in the cartoon, pink hair. Purple with pink highlights instead of stylizing that into something more realistic or painting the actual hair, they gave some 30-year old woman a wig and called it a day

keep in mind i binged this show in one go

purposely stayed up late to watch the last ep with my sis even tho we shouldve gone to bed and were disobeying our dad cause we Had to Know

and theres more i said they had no lines but i was lying. Kai did have a line. well, his voice actor did they dubbed him also the line was about him having to pee which is already not the most hilarious in animated version but a live action kid whose supposed to be this character you spent 3 hours with but looks nothing like him saying that in a voice that doesnt belong to his throat, as he stands bashfully in front of a live audience, the only words spoken by your main characters in the last moments...

*its actual hell*

oh oh one more thing at the end the six kids stand in a line and kai is next to other girl they glance at each other and as the eyes of this teen and 30 year old in wig cross, her eye glitches for a moment

dun dun duuun

bUT i dont care anymore, The Hollow. You overestimated your own premise. this wont be forgiven. your most interesting part was the mystery, and the answer to that was "just a normal game show" (which also doesnt make sense on another level smh) soo if you think that im interested in what these two-dimensional (ha) characters will do now about the glitch in the eye of a bitch then i have news for u

i dont

...if they get a second season ill probably check it out though as long as its animated

Friend: Gammi I'm getting the real sinking suspicious feeling that what you saw isn't the real end but bad on purpose because there's more to it

Me: the show didnt seem good enough to be bad on purpose

and yet im still not done, if youll still hear me out

i mean, im an animation fan so ill still watch but if theyd wanted to be bad on purpose they really shouldve done a better job fleshing out the characters thats what people come back for that was a bit of a sidetrack BUT so i said why the live action itself was just terrible in overal quality

but the resolution that 'oh it was all in a game show' doesnt work on multiple levels

first of all, they show a short flashback of "About 5 hours earlier". The kids stand on the stage and are instructed to take their seats in the vr-chairs, and pick their superpower

2 things i dislike about that

1) there goes all the self-insert/oc potential. they werent teens in over their heads, they werent gvnmt experiments, or just some kids who wanted to play a game -they were in it to win it, from the start. thats very specific and not the most appealing to all kinds of characters (goodbye, all the 'im just an average girl whod never step into the spotlight like that' characters).

Also, all the expansion on lore is gone. maybe there were other games simultaneously? eh, maybe, but theyd be all gameshows. Maybe someone ended uo trapped there for way longer? nah its just a gameshow theyre not gonna let anything actually bad happen. Maybe there are other worlds, other areas, other weird creatures? unlikely, they finished the map and familiarity seemed to be a thing for the audience. Now every new idea has to be put not through a 'whats interesting for a player' but a 'whats interesting for a viewer' lens, and whats a selfinsert if not a player in another universe

2) HOW IS THIS A SUCCESSFUL GAME SHOW

who the hell watches a game show for 5 consecutive hours, some of which mustve been just them walking. also, we zoom out of the screen were watching, so implication is that everything up until then has been what the audience has seen. but... we only followed the one team. there were two? why didnt the audience want to see what they were up to? ~reality tv usually thrives on showinf the worst assholes so realistically they wouldve been the focus~

There are also way too many times *both* teams couldve failed, from early on till late in the game. Not a single game i can think of thats played for an audience is set up like that, and especially not a televised one (okay tbf idk if this was televised, i dont remember if i saw cameras, but. it mustve. monetary reasons.)

What r u gonna do if they all 'died' from the monsters in the first ep? Call it a day? boring for the audience. let them restart from scratch? boring for the audience. the existence of an audience messes with everything

AND THEN ANOTHER THING what do you mean, "5 hours ago?" you never get a time stamp to show how long theyve been in there but there are some cuts, when they travel and such. The actual show is a lil over 3 hours runtime. You mean to tell me you sat through 2 hours of the characters just walking?

okay last thing. so. they were clearly second season teasing with the glitching eye thing. i already said this but. theres nowhere to go from here that isnt worse that the first season. your mystery is dead. you clearly know your live action teens cant act so youd have to go back into the game - but why would they do that? how would that be in any way interesting? you explored all there was to explore.

The other, more out there option, is that as you said the 'real world' was a fake-out and theyre still in a game. but. how would- how would you even make that remotely convincing? if youd just left the 'real world' gameshow as animated too this wouldnt have been a problem. but there is absolutely no conceivable reason to justify, in universe, why another meta-level up is 2D animation again unless they were in a game, in a game, in a game. and thats just dumb. yall aint inception

Friend: HONESTLY if they just kept the whole deal animated it'd probably be okay. Not good, but better,

Me: ye me and my sister came to the same conclusion

i couldve lived with that. at least, i couldve just acknowledged the finales existence but chose to ignore it. now however im full phantom planet levels of denial. in fact i dont even know how the show ended anymore, suddenly

Friend: what finale? what show?

Me: also at least now we know why its called The Hollow

it leaves you feeling empty inside

#the hollow #the hollow netflix #netflix the hollow #uhm #text post #joos yaps #in case anyone was curious what ive been blogging about today #this is the show

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kawaiianimeredhead · 5 years

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Oh right I wanted to rant. Im still on my phone so there might be typos but oh well

Edit: this got way longer and rambly than I expected oops. I hope this read more works, i never actually checked yesterday when I used it to see if it still worked on mobile so if it doesnt oops and sorry

Anyways. In september a new company took over our contract and thats a whole rant on its own. The previous lead (my dad but not important) left before the new company came and he left Sam in charge. Sam has been there for like four or five years and he's a pretty good guy. When the new cobtract started he was very quickly overwhelmed with the bs and also with the paper abd computer stuff he had to do so he stepped down. Hes still there and actually was still in charge for a bit after he stepped down because we didnt have a new lead.

And now we do have a new lead. This was apparently a Process from what ive heard. Nobody really wanted the job and im not sure how the Boss from the company even went about hiring but i heard that a couple people he considered weren't interested and then I was told that someone was hired or was going to be hired and quick before she even started. I heard these from two differenr people because one told me she qas being walked around and woukd start soon and another said she wasnt coming a day or so later. Someone was hired though and the first night he was there so was the Boss showing him around kinda. I spoke with him a bit and he seemed nice. Def better than the Boss who I cant stand beinf around for long hes got weird and annoying vibes around him.

None of this is actually particularly relevant or necessary for this rant but it came out anyways.

So this new lead has tried all thr different shifts/jobs out and and has been with us for like a month or so now maybe? The first schedule he was properly scheduled on was such a SHIT week/schedule because I went from working 5-4 days a week to 3 and instead of doing bathrooms which is 3 hours or 4 depending on if I'm also doing trash to working 2 hours one day, 2 or 3 the next, and 3 or 4 the last. And it sucks. Then, the first schedule to come out that he made (with the help of the Boss) had ALL of us on less days and hours and HE now working every day but one and working both in the morning AND at night. Now I'm not convinced this was soley his decision because I know he made this schedule with the Boss and i have a suspicion that the Boss encouraged him or persuaded him or some other kind of bull shit to do the schedule like this. And then the week after was the same schedule copied again and this week coming up is the same minus a few small changes.

Now all this is annoying and bull shit on its own but not even the main fuel to this rambling rant. With this schedule, hes scheduled to clean the bathrooms and trash every day except Sunday, which is when I am scheduled on them. Last week was the first week of this and besides the day I'm specificed to do bathrooms im not given a specific job. Imbonly told to do "extras" so ive asked Sam and hes told me to do offices one day and some windows the other. I come in Saturday ready to do the windows which ive been dying to do because they look awful and they used to be my Thing so I get really annoyed about them often but then I notice the trash hadnt been done. So I start doing that thinking maybe that was what I was supposed to be doing. Then while doing this I notice the main breakroom doesnt look particularly clean, breakrooms are a part of the bathroom persons job. This was annoying but because it wasnt Bad I left it. I then go to the next break room which is smaller and always messier because more people stay in it for longer, this one also looked dirtier than it should be. In addition, the bathroom's trash hadnt beeb taken out which is a part of the bathroom job. Bathroom trash is separate from trash trash as far as jobs go, theyre usually done together but if someone is doinf "extras" and someone else bathrooms, bathrooms normally gets bathroom trash abd extras the rest. Something felt really off about the bathroom as well and combined with the breakdowns I had a suspicion that bathrooms hadnt been done. So I decided to check the costumer bathrooms for their trash and their cleanliness. When I got there they absolutely had not been done. Which ! I hadn't planned for. I was taking my time on trash and now I had to do bathroom s.

Nobody had been called or texted about the lead not being at work. And he absolutely has our numbers. We used to sign in on a time sheet and that would have helped us noticed but we recently got a finger print time clock which, as far as I know, we cant check other peoples hours on. So we had no fucking clue he just hadnt been in the previous night.

Then this week comes along. Friday talking with Sam he mentioned something along the lines of not checking the bathrooms. Mentioning that its not really our fault if we dont abd they havent been done because since were not scheduled for them, we have no reason to assume they wouldnt be done. So I hadnt looked in the bathrooms but I did notice the break room looked a bit messy and which had me a bit concerned about a repeat of the previous week. But I didnt wanna do them and I knew Sam didnt either so I left it be but texted nick to ask if hed seen the lead the previous night. Nick confirmed hed been in and was seen cleaning the bathrooms. Yesterday, I briefly looked into the main break room and it looked not great, and then later I went to the bathroom in the smaller breakroom's bathroom (they have really nice soap they buy themselves thats not really importantto this tho) and noticed that one looked AWFUL. It absolutly hadnt been swept and I felt bad but it wasnt what I was scheduled for so I just kinda left it... Their bathroom also had 1ply toilet paper in it, which is what we had when the company first took over it its AWFUL everyone complained so we switched but the unused rolls are still in our closet. Nobody told our new lead this so he had put some of this in the bathrooms. Then later on in the morning, I noticed several trash cans had stuff in it. Not trash but like residue from trash? Like sticky spots of soda oe coffee, some gum, things like that. Basically things that pointed to him only dumping out the trash and not changing the bag. The bags dont always get changed everyday, thats not really an issue, but if theres something still kinda in them they normally are changed because thats gross and why would it just be left like that... I also noticed that up front by the entrance door none of the trash had been got. The busiest area for trash (from customers) and it was still ! There! And I had actually heard Friday or last Friday that this wasnt the first time. Again I left it because I had other things to do.

Now this morning. I worked bathrooms and trash. Trash went ok, I changed a lot of the bags becsuse I prefer to do it regardless and it was just normal overall. Then bathrooms. The bathroom cart is a mess. Which started my mood. The top is all unorganized and theres dirty water in the mop bucket. When I went go get new water, I had set the mop off to the side assuming it had already veen run out and dried because it had been in the part of the bucket where you ring it out and it had been there since yesterday morning. I finished filling the bucket and then look over and notice the puddle forming under the mop because my assumption had been wrong and worse, it smelled like pee. ! Carring on The first two bathrooms were ok, not great but fine. Then I got to the main breakroom and noticed itd clearly been cleaned, Sam worked the day shift Saturday so I assume he swept and mopped. I also swept and mopped. Then, the small break room. Sam didnt clean this one. Which is fair on his part because I think throughout the whole day at least one or more people are sitting in it with no time for someone to clean. So I start and its just the whole thing, even the bathroom floor, was so bad. Aside from the floor the bathroom part was ok, but the floor really didnt seem to have been swept. And the main floor absolutely hadnt been swept. This was obvious from the start but it kept making me madder and madder as I swept and saw how much trash was on the floor. It absolutely put me behind because I wanted to get as much as I could. The cutomer bathrooms also looked pretty bad which is had to tell who thats on, but wheb I got to them it was apparent somethibg else I hadnt fully thought of as a problem until then. Behind all the toilets, like on then but behidb the seat part, there was so much DUST. I had noticed before in the other bathrooms but didnt really think about it because of things plus i see the dust more often collect in the orher bathrooms than that one for some reason and I didnt even realize this but because it was something New in the costumer bathroom it was really noticeable now. Which made ne even madder. Its not hard to clean, were supposed to be cleaning the toilet seats anyways so getting just behind them isnt anything!

And its just so aggrivating. The longer at work i was this morning the more it pissed me off. Especially because in addition to what I was seeing, the things I had heard from others over the last couple of weeks started piling on.

With my own eyes i had seen how bad the cart had been and from sam I heard that the water in the bucket had been in there all week, he suspected that he wasnt changing it. He also commented on the rags all over the cart thinking that he wasnt using paper towels to clean and instead used the rags. I heard about how a couple of times now hed forgotten or ignore the front trash cans and some others. I heard from someone in the meat room that when he cleans it he doesnt do that grear a job and even broke a couple small things. Which is all very concerning to hear since thats a fucking sanitation issue!? And I heard from nick yesterday that he thinks that the lead isnt cleaning all thw bathrooms every day and is instead only cleaning them when they look dirty. Which I'm a bit inclinded to believe because the underside of some of the seats seemed much dirtier than id expected.

And its all infuriating! The Boss is the one who showed him all the jobs, none of us showed him any of what we do it was all the Boss. So like, did HE tell the lead not to do this or that? To do some of it to save time? I dont know but some of it is common sense regardless of what hes beeb told hes still fucking it up and hes our fucking boss. And the main one doing everything!

The store hasnt looked as clean from the start of this new contract and now it's even worse and its awful!

And I dont have a way to end this rant it got really long snd feels like it needs a good closer but I dont have one...

#work tag #hope the read more thing works #this got long #and it doesnt even have the same anger behind it as it should because its all typed #im so mad #dont mind me

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xsoulxx18-blog · 5 years

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Love or lust?

I cut someone out of my life about a month ago..

This guy and I were “fwb” for 5 years.

It had gotten to a point where my feelings were just getting hurt and it was mentally draining. I had kept ignoring my feelings and wanted to cling on this tiny thread of hope.. hope that he would realize I was worth so much more and we would be together.

I knew all along I would never be with him because he just isn’t a good guy but I still wanted it.

Why? Probably because I want all the things I can’t have.

This one Sunday I watched a video( a TED talk) about self-love and who you should marry.. a little background info Tracy has been divorced 3 times and she never understood WHY her marriages wouldn’t last.. and it was because she had to marry herself first before anyone else and I guess it just stuck to me.. she said after her last divorce it took her a while to get out again, and when she did start going out the first thing she checked in was with herself.. “ am I comfortable?” “Do I like the vibe?” “Do I like him?” “Would I be okay with this?” Instead of “does he like me?” “What can i do to make sure I’m saying all the right things and keeping him interested?” And also to check in on yourself as in “ should you really be doing this when it hurts you?”

If your future partner did this would you like it? If the answer is no then why would you do it to yourself??

SOOOO

This day was a bad day already, and i hadn’t seen him for 2 months before this because i was already fed up.. so this day I decided to just do it.

I was going to see him and I was being selfish towards myself and thought “if I have sex maybe I won’t feel so bad” yeaaaah bad mistake

We decided to smoke before and I automatically thought about myself.. do I really like him? His vibe? His thoughts? The ways he speaks to me?

I realized I hated everything about him, I hated his thoughts, the way he spoke to me, how he tried to be so careless towards me. This was not the type of guy I want EVER.

We finished smoking and I was already annoyed but still decided to go through with it. I was pretty stoned... point is 10 min into in this fool is about to CUM UGH ON GOD I WASNT WITH IT AND I WAS ALREADY UPSET AND WE HADNT EVEN FUCKED YET AND I BLEW UP.

I just blew up, I told him he was the worst, and I don’t like this shit anymore and I was so mad and he was so confused butt naked looking at me and well I kicked him out of my car and whatever right it’s been awhile and I’ve been doing fine. Living life and all.

WELL I was obviously hurt because he didn’t do any of the things a person with common decency would do.. and I just honestly don’t want to invest myself with anyone else until I know forsure they want me and just me and it’s no bs games.

You know I was so comfortable with him, he knew what I liked and what I didn’t.

He knew what to say and when to say it.

He basically knew all the right things to just sweep me right in.

Today he posted this girl and omg my heart literally sunk to my stomach, why?

Why was I so hurt after seeing that picture?

Why does it hurt so much when I know this guy ain’t shit?

I KNOW he isn’t worth it, but he just makes me feel like nothing.. after 5 years it was nothing to him. It didn’t phase him, it didn’t hurt him, he doesn’t care.

And I’m so hurt, and I decided to block him because that was the last thing that was connecting me with him.

And I never realized how dumb I was for thinking I was just doing it for “fun” and the pleasure. But omg none of that was worth it at all. And I’m not even blaming him, we had this whole deal of what it was but yet he came to me with all his issues and what not and there I was. THERE I WAS LIKE A DUMB BITCH HOPING HE WOULD SEE THRU ME AND LOVE ME.

Maybe that’s what I wanted for him to see how fucking great I am.

Idk

do I love him?

Am I still stuck on this idea of him?

#love #lust #fwb #heartbreak #hurt #boys #self care #self love

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patriotsnet · 3 years

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Did The Republicans Vote To Repeal Obamacare

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/did-the-republicans-vote-to-repeal-obamacare/

Did The Republicans Vote To Repeal Obamacare

When Did Obamacare Start

Do Republicans Have The Votes To Begin Obamacare Repeal?

The timeline of key events leading up to the passage of the Obamacare law began in 2009. Here is a list of those events, along with key provisions that went into place after the law was enacted.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and a group of Democrats from the House of Representatives reveal their plan for overhauling the health-care system. Its called H.R. 3962, the Affordable Health Care for America Act.

;Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy, a leading supporter of health-care reform, dies and puts the Senate Democrats 60-seat supermajority required to pass a piece of legislation at risk.

;Democrat Paul Kirk is appointed interim senator from Massachusetts, which temporarily restores the Democrats filibuster-proof 60th vote.

;In the House of Representatives, 219 Democrats and one Republican vote for the Affordable Health Care for America Act, and 39 Democrats and 176 Republicans vote against it.

In the Senate, 60 Democrats vote for the Senates version of the bill, called Americas Healthy Future Act, whose lead author is senator Max Baucus of California. Thirty-nine Republicans vote against the bill, and one Republican senator, Jim Bunning, does not vote.

Poll: Obamacare More Popular Than Ever

A sign in favor of the Affordable Care Act is held up outside the Supreme Court building after the courts ruling in Washington, D.C., U.S., on Thursday, June 28, 2012. The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the core of President Barack Obamas health-care overhaul, giving him an election-year triumph and preserving most of a law that would expand insurance to millions of people and transform an industry that makes up 18 percent of the nations economy. Photographer: Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg

BLOOMBERG NEWS

The Affordable Care Act wins 55% support among the public for its highest rating since becoming law nearly a decade ago, according to the latest Kaiser Family Foundation tracking poll released Friday.

Kaiser said the clear majority of support is the highest in more than 100 polls the nonprofit health foundation has conducted. The ACA was signed into law in 2010 by President Barack Obama and has expanded health insurance coverage to more than 20 million Americans.

The recent uptick reflects strong support among Democrats, 85% of whom now express favorable views, Kaiser said in its analysis. A narrow majority of independents also view the law favorably. While most Republicans still hold unfavorable views towards the ACA, the poll suggests that Republican voters have largely moved on from efforts to repeal the ACA and now rank opposition to a single-payer government health plan like Medicare-for-all among their top health priorities.;;

Lesson 1: Replacing Obamacare Will Remain A Struggle Without A Clear Replacement Plan Or Goal

On one of his last days in office, President Obama, in an interview with Vox, issued the Republican Party a clear challenge. Now is the time when Republicans have to go ahead and show their cards, he said. If in fact they have a program that would genuinely work better, and they want to call it whatever they want they can call it Trumpcare or McConnellcare or Ryancare if it actually works, I will be the first one to say, Great.

I suspect, Obama continued, that will not happen.

So far, the former presidents prediction has proven right. Republicans have struggled over the past six months because they never came up with a clear replacement plan that the public actually wanted.

The day before Obamacare was signed, Republicans decided they would not campaign only to repeal the new health care law. They would instead vow to repeal and replace it with a more conservative health policy.

The repeal and replace message was a concession that simply promising to return to the days before Obamacare was unrealistic. But it also committed them to coming up with a plan of their own and that part never happened.

After Republicans swept the House, the Senate, and, finally, the White House, they still had no clear replacement plan. The GOP had spent seven years running a scorched-earth campaign against Obamacare, while turning a blind eye to the deep divisions within their own party on the replace part of their pledge.

You May Like: Who Will Be Speaker Of The House If Republicans Win

Read Also: Donald Trump 1998 Republicans Are Stupid

Lesson 5: The Drive To Repeal Obamacare Is Strong And Often Underestimated

Early Friday morning, bleary-eyed reporters couldnt see the path forward on Obamacare repeal and replace no matter how hard they squinted. The Senate hadnt just rejected one health care bill it had rejected four different options, all the repeal bills it had going into this week.

This means Obamacare repeal-and-replace efforts are in a hard place. But it does not mean they are over.

It is true that three Republican senators voted against the skinny plan to repeal Obamacare. It is also true that 49 Republican senators voted for that bill.

There is a strong drive in the Republican Party to deliver on the campaign promise they’ve made for seven years, and if we’ve learned anything in this process, it is that this drive cannot be underestimated.

Within moments of the bill’s failure Friday morning, the conservative Heritage Action group released a statement arguing that “Repealing and, ultimately, replacing Obamacare will require moderate Republicans to come to the table and follow through on their repeated campaign promises.”

House Republicans, meanwhile, continue to hold out hope for a path forward. Vox’s Tara Golshan was at the conference’s regular Friday meeting this morning, where she spoke with conservative Freedom Caucus Chair Rep. Mark Meadows . He was already talking about paving a new path forward, citing a yet-to-be-seen bill from Sens. Graham and Bill Cassidy.

Republicans Learn The Limits Of Reconciliation With Failed Aca Repeal

With late night drama not often seen on the Senate floor, Republicans latest attempts to pass a bill repealing the Affordable Care Act failed last night, thanks in part to a divide the partys congressional leaders, especially in the Senate, could simply not bridge.

At the end of the day, however, individual Senate Republicans concluded that even if leaders had judged that repealing Obamacare was in the best interests of the party collectively, they could not support the different proposals drafted to actually get there. This was perhaps most true of Senators Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski , who opposed beginning debate and all three alternative proposals considered this week. There were also, however, 11 other senators who voted no on at least one of the alternatives offered this week. While some of those votes may have been strategic, as members knew that the proposal would not ultimately be enacted, they do help illustrate the persistent divides within the Republican Party about the best way to proceed on health policy. In an era of high party polarization and a well-sorted electorate, this kind of cross-pressuring, where whats good for the party is not necessarily good for the individual member, is less common than it once was. But as the experience of the last few months suggests, those situations can still and do arise.

Recommended Reading: How Many Republicans In California

Gutierrez Says Hundreds Of Republican Amendments Were A Part Of Obamacare

Republicans continue to sell their health care plan in an effort to deliver on a party-wide campaign promise to repeal and replace Obamacare. Yet during a roundtable discussion on State of the Union, Rep. Luis Gutierrez, D-Ill., pushed back on charges of Democratic obstructionism regarding health care legislation.

Anchor Jake Tapper asked if Gutierrez was involved, or if;Democrats were;just sitting by the sidelines opposing everything.

Very different process, Gutierrez replied. 2009-2010, lets remember, hundreds of Republican amendments were adopted in the ACA.

We decided to look into Gutierrezs claim that the final version of the Affordable Care Act incorporated hundreds of Republican amendments.

When the ACA was making its way through Congress, former President Barack Obama made a similar statement in September 2009. During a joint address to Congress, he said that his plan incorporated the ideas of both Republicans and Democrats. We rated that claim Mostly False, because many of the amendments Republicans introduced were technical in nature.

Republicans had several opportunities to introduce amendments to the Affordable Care Act, in both the Senate and House bills. Ultimately, for procedural reasons tied to the death of Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-Mass., the Senate version was the only one that moved forward. But Republicans offered changes in the committees that considered the bills before the whole chambers voted on them.

Featured Fact-check

Our ruling

Trumps Promise To Repeal Obamacare Is Now In Limbo

President Donald Trump expressed disappointment after Republican lawmakers’ failure to muster enough votes to repeal Obamacare placed one of his loftiest campaign promises in limbo.

A series of defections by Senate Republicans scuttled two separate efforts to dismantle the sweeping U.S. health care law put in place by Trump’s predecessor, President Barack Obama.

“We’ve had a lot of victories, but we haven’t had a victory on health care,” Trump told reporters July 18, as it became clear the latest Republican legislative efforts would fail. “We’re disappointed.”

A slim margin of error constrained GOP efforts to repeal and replace Obamacare and forced a delicate balancing act between the party’s conservative and moderate members.

But defections by Sens. Jerry Moran of Kansas and Mike Lee of Utah on July 17 brought to four the number of Republican senators to publicly oppose the bill , effectively killing the repeal-and-replace plan. Senate leadership could only afford to lose two Republican votes for passage.

Senate Republicans then turned their attention to a measure that would repeal major parts of Obamacare over two years, in theory buying lawmakers enough time to agree on a replacement plan before the Affordable Care Act, often called Obamacare, was largely dismantled.

“I did not come to Washington to hurt people,” Capito said in a statement. “I cannot vote to repeal Obamacare without a replacement plan that addresses my concerns and the needs of West Virginians.”

Recommended Reading: Can Registered Republicans Vote In Democratic Primaries

Republicans Give Up On Obamacare Repeal

Most GOP lawmakers arent interested in another failed effort to gut the health law in an election year.

By BURGESS EVERETT

02/01/2018 11:45 AM EST

WHITE SULPHUR SPRINGS, W.Va. Republicans are giving up on their years-long dream of repealing Obamacare.

Though the GOP still controls both chambers of Congress and maintains the ability to jam through a repeal-and-replace bill via a simple majority, there are no discussions of doing so here at House and Senate Republicans joint retreat at The Greenbrier resort. Republicans doubt they can even pass a budget providing for the powerful party-line reconciliation procedure used to pass tax reform last year, much less take on the politically perilous task of rewriting health care laws in an election year.

I dont think leadership wants to, said Sen. Bill Cassidy , who worked with South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham on a last-ditch repeal effort last fall. In the sense of Graham-Cassidy, a partisan exercise? Doesnt look like it.

Republicans’ decision to abstain from another attempt at gutting Barack Obamas health law at least this year goes back on a pledge the party has made to voters since 2010. And it underscores how Republicans overpromised in their ability to reform the nations health care and never fully recognized how divided the party is over key Obamacare planks like protecting pre-existing conditions and preserving the laws Medicaid expansion.

On Groundhog Day Republicans Vote To Repeal Obamacare

Republicans vote to repeal Obamacare

met at the White Housetold reportersfeelWashington Postreported

The House is scheduled to vote Tuesday on overturning President Obama’s veto of legislation to repeal Obamacare and defund Planned Parenthood. The vote, appropriately scheduled for Groundhog Day, is expected to fail, leaving conservatives to gear up for a final year of budget fights with the president.

PostscriptUpdate

Recommended Reading: Do Republicans Support The Death Penalty

Support For The Affordable Care Act

Then along comes Donald Trump and threatens to cut off subsidies for low-income Americans, ostensibly as a method to force Democrats in Congress to come to the negotiating table. A New York Times editorial summarised it: It sounds more like a two-bit Hollywood villain promising carnage if he doesnt get his way. Holding his own voters hostage to prove a point is not really the best political move for someone elected by a combination of low-wage workers from rural and industrial America and high-income families. But the Republican health plan what pundits are labeling TrumpRyan care advocates decreasing financial support for those worse off while decreasing taxes for the rich. And just to top it off, support for the ACA is currently at its highest point ever with 55% of Americans approving of it a complete reversal prior to the November election.

Even one of the most conservative columnists in the Washington Post, Charles Krauthammer a nonpractising psychiatrist wrote a column in April where he admitted that the ACA had changed the zeitgeist. It is universalising the idea of universal coverage. Acceptance of its major premise that no one be denied health care is more widespread than ever.

Now, how is that for progress!

Republicans Who Think Nobody Would Miss Obamacare Should Ask People Who Depend On It

Some of the Republicans agitating to repeal Obamacare say they arent worried about taking health insurance away from more than 20 million people. Their theory: The program is wildly unpopular and even the people with coverage wouldnt miss it, no matter what takes it place.

People have crappy insurance, Rep. John Shimkus told Politico last week. This fear that theyre going to lose something that they dont think they have anyway is crazy.

Anna Meyers would beg to differ.

Meyers, 42, lives in the eastern part of North Carolina. She and her husband, 59, have been getting insurance through healthcare.gov for the last three years. Meyers also has a son, 14, who has autism. He gets coverage through Medicaid a program that Republicans say they would like to shrink just as soon as they are done with Obamacare.

Meyers works as an office manager for an accountant. Her husband does repair work for a company that manages rental homes. Between the two of them, she figures, their income is about $40,000 a year maybe less when his business is slow.

We dont get to go out to the movies a whole lot, Meyers explained to me on the phone. But we do travel a lot on the weekend, in our car, and see some of the bigger towns in the area just to get out.

Also, there is date night once a week. They drop her son at her parents house, and then bring home takeout. Smithfields Chicken is a favorite.

The Majority Of People With Obamacare Seem To Value It

You May Like: What Do Republicans Think Of Trump Now

Trump Signs Executive Order On Obamacare; Impact Unclear

On his first day in office, President Donald Trump signed an executive order that gave federal agencies broad authority to defer or delay any part of the Affordable Care Act that costs anybody any money.

More formally, the order tells agencies they can “waive, defer, grant exemptions from, or delay the implementation of any provision or requirement of the Act that would impose a fiscal burden on any State or a cost, fee, tax, penalty, or regulatory burden on individuals, families, healthcare providers, health insurers, patients, recipients of healthcare services, purchasers of health insurance, or makers of medical devices, products, or medications.”

That’s a mouthful, but what does it mean, and how far does it go to repeal Obamacare?

Larry Levitt, senior vice-president at the respected and neutral Kaiser Family Foundation, said in a series of tweets that while the impacts are unclear, it shows the administration is “moving to unwind the Affordable Care Act, but it won’t be immediate.”;

Levitt added, “One sure outcome is it creates uncertainty for insurers at a critical time.”

Health care analyst Sabrina Corlette at Georgetown University echoed Levitt’s point.

“For insurers already uncertain about their future in the Affordable Care markets, the uncertainty this executive order generates doesn’t help,” Corlette said. “At a minimum they’ll have to factor it into their 2018 premiums, which are due to be filed by May 3 in most states.”

But that hasn’t happened yet.

Why Mccain Screwed The Gop On Obamacare Repeal Again

His friendship with Lindsey Graham was less important than his grievances with the process.

By BURGESS EVERETT and SEUNG MIN KIM

09/22/2017 06:34 PM EDT

Not even 24 hours after John McCain dramatically tanked a Republican effort to repeal Obamacare in late July, his best friend, Lindsey Graham, started working feverishly in private to try again.

Graham whos never shown much interest in health care policy quietly trekked to the White House with Sen. Bill Cassidy to try and sell President Donald Trump on their latest proposal that would transform Obamacare into a block grant program for states.

It seemed like an afterthought at the time; Obamacare repeal was all but left for dead. But momentum behind the so-called Graham-Cassidy plan snowballed this month. The unexpected passage of a fiscal deal well ahead of schedule freed up valuable floor time. And McCains stated openness to the bill combined with his friendship with Graham raised hopes within the GOP.

Ultimately, his friendship with Graham mattered less than McCain’s grievances with the lack of scrutiny and lack of bipartisanship surrounding the bill.

Ive never known John on something he believes strongly to defer to a friend, said Charlie Black, a longtime adviser who speaks to McCain regularly. The GOP leaderships view that McCain would buckle under new pressure or reverse course because Graham was involved didnt make sense to me, Black added.

Don’t Miss: Did Trump Call Republicans Stupid In 1998

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diaryofsecrecy · 3 years

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It has been the most exhausting year of my entire life and I will be surprised if I ever top it...

Brent was having a hard time adjusting to the altitude when we 1st came out here, (July 8th 2020) But as time went on he got better as expected. Then suddenly he got worse and worse, Eventually he lost the job that he got because he was calling out so often throwing up and experiencing extreme nausea. Because of covid, the doctors were booked for weeks (new patient) so it was just kind of a waiting game until we finally decided to just go to the ER. They did a full blood panel and decided that he needs to see a GI doctor because everything else is normal. So, That was booked 2 weeks out and he was sent home with nausea medication for one week...

Of course we were going to try to buy or rent so I was freaking out about money and working as much as I possibly could... But then I too had to go to the emergency Room because I had extreme abdominal pain resulting in an emergency appendectomy😖

The day after my surgery, I am home, when my dad comes in with my older sister.

To my knowledge, my older sister was diagnosed paranoid schizofrantic. She has been Homeless for the last 11 years, And on drugs. She recently was beaten so badly that she was left with several brain injuries on top of it all, And while she was healing at the hospital somehow they didn't notice her walk out. We were just about to get her placed somewhere safe...And they lost her.

Anyhow dad walks in with my sister who I guess called him from a coffee shop when they told her that she couldn't sleep there anymore (after a month of being missing again) Dad had to go back to work so then it was me & her for the next 2 days, As you can imagine, not the rest I needed post surgery... then, I had to go back into the hospital because something wasn't right. I was there for 3 more days, 2 days alone because ben was so sick that it was worse with him being there than me sitting by myself in pain and nausea of my own.

Fast forward a few more months, tragic accidents led to 2 separate deaths of my parents dogs. Both events I happen to be present, so get blamed & am no longer welcome at mom & dads.

(Still healing from sugury, brent still very sick)

We get an apartment, and I start working as a nanny for my aunt twice a week while working at Massage Envy the other 5 days.

At this point, I am tired. I am horney, and lonely, and Absolutely. Fucking. Miserable.

I am begging ben to keep up with drs. but he has lost hope of getting better, and I have no way of helping him when I am already worn too thin.

After 9, Long, long months, he eventually, with my consistent pushing, nagging, most likely not always kind remarks, he finds out his hormones are completely off, which I knew would be the case, his dick hadnt worked for the last 3 years properly..

Anyway. He blames his addiction medication rather than continuing dr. Appointments... he gets on testosterone with an outside company(pay out of pocket kind of subscription company...rather than checking insurance, or figuring out what causes low testosterone and fixing that first). I was working and had no influence in any of those choices that effect us both as they have for at least 2 years. He hasnt touched me for so, so, long.

Month 3 of his medication that seems to be working (only reason I know is there was a ton of porn in my google history, he had declined all advances, except the rare, 3 times he allowed a blowjob then left immediately after for the gym or literally anything else rather than make it romantic at all.)

Month 4, he forgets to make a payment at all, so now we owe $250 rather than the normal $100. His meds get sent, then FedEx loses the package all together so, he is sick and I am house sitting in a dream home, alone for 2 weeks straight that originally was going to be our getaway to focus on Us.

At this point, brent and I havnt slept in the same bed for 2 months. At first cause he says I'm mean and he wants to not be near me, but now its cause hes "more comfortable out in the living room..."

A month ago when we last had a conversation about our relationship he said he wants space and a break from me all together. I'm too much.

I am the problem..?

When trying to understand what he means, he shuts down the connvo, saying he cant talk about it anymore. It's been 30 days since we have made any verbal progress. Our fighting has stopped though, and I'll tell you why...

Rewind 1 week before house sitting;

1 week after brent and I had an awful fight where he told me we should take a break, I stay at my parents & My mom offers for me to join them at a graduation party of a kid I used to babysit.

We were sitting in the back of the dining room, out of the way, when I saw someone i slightly recognized in the hallway. Not sure from where, but he was the kind of guy that you couldnt stop looking at. He was clearly into fitness, his shirt couldnt hide the muscular features he had been perfecting either, despite him dressing nothing out of the ordinary. He had beautiful ink crawling up his leg, an artform that would only mean something to someone who is more spiritually awake. But more noticable about anything was that smile.

God that smile. His face was scruffy, as if he had been away, but regardless, the smile he had influenced his entire ora. His eyes smiled, his walk... smiled. He had some kind of thing about him that was a physical draw I had never known for myself before. Dont get me wrong, i have been woo'd by many men so far in my life, from all stages in life, but This one was just, different. He was making his way around the room, & I could hear his voice over my mom who's talking beside me. I had literally been blocked out by my ever wondering thoughts of this random stranger whom felt familiar.

Then, he was there, at our table?

He was so easy to talk to, not even sure how we started now, but all I know is I was not nervous despite my very physical attraction to him.

He spoke of traveling, and adventures hes been on. This guy had a whole other life in the military at one point and now was traveling, working for a company that sends him around the US.

This guy had Hope's and dreams and somehow we got to talking about that kind of thing at a graduation party?

When I left that day, I thought about him. Not just him specifically, but men like him. Had I chosen Brent wrongfully? Does brent even like who I am anymore, what does he want going forward in his own life? How do I even fit into that? He understands my need for adventure but his actions say that he doesnt want to come along. My mind was loopy after that because for the first real time I questioned, what if there was someone who wanted to see the world, Who liked my sad music, and my emotions being in everything I do? What if there was a women more interested in the simple home life, having a couple dogs and living a small, comfortable life? Are we doing one another a disservice by occupying oneanother's lives? How could I ever bring that up with Brent at all without making him feel so inadiquite after a year of terrible sickness and defeat?

Well, when I went to that big, gorgeous dream home the following week to house sit for 2 weeks... begging him to come see me, I grew weak from overthinking. I cried, I cried so much the first 3 days.

I cried from a place of such sadness, anger, bitterness, defeat, they were so strong. My mind was cloudy, drunk, stoned, tired.... I found myself writing a suicide letter.

My plan was to disappear, I knew I'd find a firearm in the home & allow someone to find my remains eventually in the hills where I'd walk far enough.

I prepared by cleaning the litterbox, laying out several bowls of water for the dog and cat, and watered all the plants heavily. I transfered brent all the money in my bank accounts, and as I waited for the sheets to come out of the dryer I balled my eyes out, reading the last conversations I had had with my family members. I thought to myself how the kids would take it, what different life choices they would make having been close with someone before their passing. At this point, I needed something, but I needed it from someone who doesnt know me in my life right now, but the me that was worth saving. The me I still recognized.

I called an old friend from 2nd grade. Hadnt talked to her in years and years, didnt known her life, her schedual, her name(which had been changed). But she talked me down. She saved my fucking life. It took a person who knew my soul years ago, to remind me I am not alone.

I dont blame my parents, or who I thought would be my future husband. I had talked with my aunt earlier that day and she couldnt see it either. I had become this fake shell of a person and it took considering an actual murder of myself to make me see that if I continued this path, I would die eventually and nobody in my life would ever see me preparing for it.

That night, I invited a complete stranger over and we fucked like rabbits. 4 times. He got to do things he'd never done before, and I begged him to. Sounds cold, sounds unapologetically disgusting that I'd do something like that, but quite frankly, I FUCKING needed it. I needed someone to see me, even if he didnt see my current life nor care about me as a person... he saw, touched, kissed, sucked and ate me up. For the first time in at least 2 years, i felt satisfaction when I walked him to the door and watched his car drive away.

It was like a sigh of relief, an inch I could not reach for the longest time, gone. Finally.

The following days, brent began putting in more effort. It has been 3 weeks and I'd say he has been kinder to me than he had in a while (probably the lack of testosterone) but also, I havnt seen much of him in general. From his point of view, it is all fine. Hes getting the space he needed, I'm being nicer since I quit massage Envy, and things are looking up....

But that is because he doesnt See Me.

My suisidal thoughts subsided after my long conversation with Scout. & that night I called my cousin as well, and learned he too had been in my shoes before. He said something that stuck with me.

If everyone has an expiration date on their life already, and we don't know when it is, you're to the point that you're life is so invaluable that youd kill yourself than flee your life and make one you want. Dont care about the people youd hurt, because suicide is just as careless as abandoning them all indefinitely.

He was so right, it put things into perspective, gave me a freedom I felt I was waiting to gain permission for.

Five days later, I noticed He had written me 5 before, on the day I had truly planned to end my current life..

He had written me at 12am, what would someone like him, a gorgeous, beefed out, big thinker, high energy, go getter be doing messaging me, a tired women who was 300lbs a year ago, (still working on getting to a normal size) and completely at a crossroads with existance.

I entertained the connvo a tad, and honestly forgot about it for a few days as I figured no way he could be serious.

He triple messaged me, and asked for my personal contact info to have real conversation?

Hesitantly, and wildly excited to even just flirt for a moment with someone who is literally everything I fantasize when I'm alone everynight....

Our conversation immediately took off. In directions I hadnt expected at all what so ever. He told me he had to admit he felt drawn to me, like he had known me in another life. That he doesnt expect me to get it, but I did. We talked about things that only my sister and I can relate to on a spirituality standard and it changed me in that instant. Suddenly i realize, I wasn't broken, I was just misunderstood. & that there are people in this world that See Me even when I am not trying. Not many, and it takes a specific Kind of person, but they do exist and when you meet them, you cant ignore it. It is as if they stain you with remembrance.

As the sexually hungry humans we are, not only did we find that morality, values, future goals coexist, but also our importance of intimacy. Not just lust and sex, well, yes that too, uff did those conversations get so, fucking, hot, but the interactions of intimacy and how they make a person whole.

I opened up to him about Brent, and where I am at in life, asking he please oversee my unfaithfulness, but that I am loyal at heart. He says with such pain in his voice how he too in a parallel position simultaneously, however, he married her 7 years ago.

Ugh.

So now I get to choose. Do I chose mortality, say no, brent and the other women deserve to understand the severity of sex, love and passion, and if they chose not to then we will leave before we act on our mutual attraction....? Or, do we say hell with it and give in to serendipity moments that our hearts crave so badly, take on the consequences and move forward. Sigh. If only there was a guideline for complicated.

Last night, as the 5 nights before, we talked for hours on the phone. His voice makes me smile every, damn, time. Perhaps because it's new and exciting, or maybe I just love to hear him go on his tangents of loving yourself despite the bad in life. I Want him. I want him when I wake, &when I go to sleep. I do not want a life without him& it saddens me to know our timing is incorrect. He asked her for a divorce a year ago, but has sat comfortably as I have despite the horror because weve both been too busy, too tired, too... afraid that life will always be lonely. Last night, he said to me, Elise, I love you. I avoided it several times but when he said it two more times, I couldnt keep it any longer to myself, Jackson, I really do Love you as well. It's scary, and faster than I'd ever say it to anyone. But I know it to be true because I Feel it. I want his love so badly. I want him to live life along side of me because with a person like him, I'd be a better me.

I am absolutely terrified. My life, my home, my family, dogs, my 5 year relationship, the unborn children brent and I have named, and the houses we'd have... all gone?

Running away with a man who says hes going to leave his wife is absolutely stupid. I'd be an idiot to think I am enough to get him through that fear of change, yet he gives me strength to want to try, so maybe I do, Him?

Ugh my brain being pulled in many ways. My heart having been in pieces so many times now doesnt know who to go to or why. I know for certain I love Brent, is this a self gratifying moment To push me back to him? Is this the devil bringing two lost people together to ruin four people at once?or is this Fate. Fate that has seen both of us individually loosing ourselves in a life we didnt want and has brought us together to lean on one another, temporarily not?

Suppose time will tell.

Last two days he has been working a ton, and told me that tomorrow he has something he needs to talk to me about.

I assume it isnt good. I assume it is the first put off of many, because, I know I want to do the same. Part of me says I should block him right now, because lust, and attraction, both mentally and physically like that couldnt make a women addicted and that's a no good addiction when he has a women in his house with his last name. 😔

#latenite #life #struggle #deep thinking #bad choices #misunderstood #deardiary #confessions

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