#jinyoung my youth
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Jinyoung Park with Unhinged F!Reader
Medical genius, who? (given up on links, just check pinned masterlist for series)
"Hey~" you singsong, and Jinyoung Park whirls round.
How the...? His eyes flicker over your naked form.
Look all you want, you have no shame. It'll be the same body that destroys him either way. You couldn't wait.
You relocate your shoulder without even a flinch, all the time never taking your eyes off his. He seems to shrink and cower under you gaze. The reaction fills you with pleasure.
.
.
Is this fair? No. Is aging your fault? No. Could you help being younger? Also no. Do you have a time machine? For the last time, no.
You might have found Jinyoung Park a few years late, but you couldn't wait to sink your teeth into him.
It took a few tries to sniff him out, and when you got close, he was actually the one that approached you, injected a questionable concoction, and then you woke up strapped to a gurney.
My my, you are suitably impressed. It's been a while since you've been on the backfoot. This bodes well.
You lie completely naked, bound by straps while the mad doctor appears to be fiddling with something, his back to you. You squint: are those clippers and a razor?
Nevertheless. What was that again about silly men underestimating you? You grit your teeth as you silently and painfully dislocate your shoulder, allowing you to wriggle out of his contraption.
You take care not to make any noise as you make your way closer, stalking him like prey. By the time he realises you're awake and free, it's too late.
When he turns, your face is mere inches from his and contorted into a wicked grin.
If anyone asked, Jinyoung would deny that he's past his peak. But truth was, years away from being on the front line meant he wasn't what he used to be. However, even in his prime years, he knew he wouldn't have stood a chance.
Your bloodlust and savagery is unmatched. His years of fighting and experience and war faded to nothing.
He's not sure if he could ever forget your manical laughter as you pulverised and beat him into a pulp.
He might as well have been a baby facing against an insurmountable monster.
.
.
You very rarely doubt yourself, you don't tend to go for older men and made an exception this time. But looking down at the unconscious man: face aready swelling and becoming unrecognisable, lab coat torn and covered in blood-
...And those random needles sticking out of him? Well if you leave these strange equipment lying around, of course you would get stabbed at the first chance. What's the saying? All's fair in war and war - wait, that didn't sound right.
You wonder if you should have taken it a bit easier. Respect your elders and all that shit.
Eh, whatever. You suspect he was pitiful even in his youth. What is it with these men never living up to your expectations?
You look for your clothes and your trusty list of names but they're nowhere to be found. How annoying.
And you've fucking broken a nail too for your troubles.
No matter, your face lights up as your eyes land on the clippers. You make a grab for them, enjoying the way it buzzes in your hand.
You start whistling and reach for his hair.
#never thought i would write for this man#lookism#lookism headcanons#lookism x reader#lookism hc#jinyoung park#park jinyoung#lookism fic#lookism fanfic#wannaeatramyeon#lookism unhinged series#lookism oc
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Spell your url with song titles and then tag as many people as there are letters
Thanks for the tag @imlivingformyselfdontmindme. and @lurkingshan I love my url but at times like these I wish it was shorter. Most of these were the firsts I could think of, some I looked through my most listened playlist.
M My Way - Frank Sinatra
Y Youth - Daughter
R Rose Colored Glasses - The Collection
O Old Friends - Jasmine Thompson
S Sunshower - Ayumu Imazu
E Estrela Do Mar - Jorge Palma
T Till Forever Falls Apart - Ashe and FINNEAS
I I'm Still Standing - Elton John
N Numbers- Han and Primary
T There Is a Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths
E Everybody Dies - Kim Petras
D DNA - BTS
G Grace - Jeff Buckley
L Letter - Jinyoung
A Alive - The Scarlet Opera
S She used to be mine - Sara Bareilles
S Summertime - Ella Fitzgerald
E Exile - Taylor Swift ft Bon Iver
S Songbird - Fleetwood Mac
Tagging but no pressure @twig-tea @troubled-mind @blmpff @mikuni14 @iguessitsjustme @colourme-feral @itsallaboutbl
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Kpop Recap Of 2023!
tagged by my belovedest @jaebeomtual 🫶 and i'm tagging (feel free to ignore this !! <3) @ningtual @possession1981 @facethesuns @dalkyum @ninqz @kawasemy @dawei-s @28reas0ns and whoever wants to play !!
Groups you started stanning?
umm i think the only new ones are zerobaseone, boynextdoor and riize
New ult biases?
nope, i'm loyal to my big 3 🫶
Idol(s) who got the most of your simping?:
(other than my usual faves obviously, also i'm already being brave enough for including these last two, you won't also make me look at their faces.....)
Most streamed group(s)?
mx, p1h, nct127, tbz, cix, wayv, txt, sf9
Most streamed soloist(s)?
jinyoung, kai, woodz, heize, changkyun
Top kpop song(s) of this year?
the entire harmony all in - p1h and on my youth - wayv albums, perfume - nct djj, tinnitus - txt, habit - changkyun, rover - kai, save me kill me - cix, puzzle - sf9, but i like you - bonedo, attitude - fromis9, byob - billlie, shooting star - xg, hear me out - exo, identity - shinee, truth or dare - pixy, firework - &team, fact check - nct127, fire eyes - tbz, get a guitar - riize, drowing - woodz, love me a little - monsta xxl, odyssey - weeekly, kill shot - itzy, 7heaven - purple kiss, new emotions - infinite, heartbeat - tan, dazzling - pow, melting point - zb1, macarena - blitzers, lvly - kep1er
Top debut of this year?
yeah yeah that’s me‼️ jiteun nongdoeee jeongshini honmihaee ✨🕺
but talking about new idols, i would probably say bonedo's who! ep 🫶
Choreographies you learned?
i can't dance to save my life, but i guess i learned the focal moves of some songs from watching choreo practice videos too many times
Albums/merchandise you bought?
(everything unofficial because i'm poor) a frog and a dino keychans for hyungwon and chan and a toothless plushie for changmin <3
New kpop mutuals you made?
i honestly have no idea because in my head i've been besties with my moots since birth
#not me basically writing my entire 2023 kpop playlist.....listen i couldn't pick only a few 🤧#games
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"Find someone who grows flowers in the darkest parts of you"
- Zach Bryan
“If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.”
– Claudia Adrienne Grandi
✿ SHOP...
SEONGHWA
Cherry blossoms, delicate and graceful, are often linked to gentleness, beauty, and the fleeting nature of life. Blooming in spring with a short lifespan, these flowers symbolize life's transience, highlighting the fragility and beauty of existence and emphasizing the importance of cherishing each moment.
YEOSANG
Astrantia flowers symbolize strength, innocence, protection, and courage, and have a historical use for medicinal purposes. They are also associated with meanings of beauty, magic, and spirituality for some.
ARRANGEMENTS
Can't choose one? Enjoy our selection of combination arrangements.
LARGE ARRANGEMENTS
Mists of Celeste by hongism (362.7k) ★★ | Space Pirates AU, Psychological, Angst || Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you - aka - Happening across the infamous Scourge of the Black Sea and his crew of dangerous criminals was not on your to-do list, nor was joining said crew of pirates, yet life just seems to go like that sometimes.
Volume II In Shipment
“Flowers don’t worry about how they’re going to bloom. They just open up and turn toward the light and that makes them beautiful.”
– Jim Carrey
✿ SHOP...
WONPIL
Delphiniums embody a message of cheerfulness, goodwill, and protective qualities, serving as a symbol of encouragement and joy. Universally recognized as 'big-hearted,' delphiniums come in various colors, each carrying its own significance. The prevalent blue signifies dignity and grace, while white and pink represent new life and the vibrant power of youth. These flowers beautifully convey sentiments and add layers of meaning through their diverse hues.
YOUNG K
Chrysanthemums, known for their reliability, thrive in various conditions and boast a history spanning thousands of years. With vibrant blooms in shades of yellow, red, orange, and pink, these flowers are not only cheerful but also enduring. The versatility and cultural significance of chrysanthemums, coupled with their practical use, make them a steadfast choice.
“You’re only here for a short visit. Don’t hurry, don’t worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.”
— Walter Hagen
✿ SHOP...
JINYOUNG
The iris has a strong association with intelligence and communication and symbolizes hope, wisdom, trust, and valor. The iris carries rich historical meanings as it is linked to nobility, especially in France and Italy, and was once a symbol of gratitude in Victorian times.
“Flowers are like friends; they bring color to your world.”
– Unknown
✿ SHOP...
JENO
The hollyhock, associated with majestic beauty, thrives in various soil conditions, surprisingly preferring impoverished earth for optimal growth. Hollyhucks are also tied to ambition due to its strength to grow in diverse conditions and its statuesque presence along fences and gates, which often reflects impressions of protection and safety in landscaping scenery.
"Let us live like flowers, wild and beautiful and drenched in sun."
― Ellen Everett
✿ SHOP...
S.COUPS
The allium flower's globe-like blooms, which are composed of numerous florets, represent the power found in unity and collective action. It reminds us that great accomplishments arise when we come together. Allium's symbolism goes beyond its visual appeal, emphasizing the connection between strength, unity, and collaboration.
JUN
Columbines symbolize lofty aspirations, endurance, risk-taking, and good fortune. It is often associated with The Fool tarot card, as they embody a life lived on the edge, while also representing faith and peace. Resilient in adverse conditions, these flowers encourage a leap of faith and embrace life's adventurous journey with their delicate beauty and symbolic meanings.
WONWOO
Zinnia flowers symbolize acclaim, affection, friendship, everlasting love, remembrance, and tribute. Their vibrant, round blossoms make them show-stopping blooms, gracing gardens from spring to autumn. The zinnia serves as a reminder not to take our loved ones for granted, embodying qualities that celebrate and cherish enduring connections.
WOOZI
The lotus flower, a symbol of purity, overcoming adversity, and rebirth, carries positive meanings across various cultures and religions. Thriving in swampy and unpleasant waters, its symbolism is rooted in the plant's ability to produce beautiful flowers amidst challenging conditions, which remind us that beauty can emerge even when life looks ugly.
MINGYU
The timeless rose, cherished across cultures, carries rich symbolism and various meanings. Renowned for their beauty and classic form, roses make a popular and versatile choice for gifting. Over time, they've become emblematic of profound emotions like love, passion, and admiration. With roses available for every sentiment and occasion, whether expressing love, friendship, or joy, these blooms offer a perfect way to convey heartfelt messages.
VERNON
Orange blossom flowers symbolize maturity, joy in love, innocence, and purity due to their snow-white color. They are unique as they bloom and bear fruit simultaneously, representing both fruitfulness and purity.
DINO
Craspedia flowers traditionally symbolize good health and wellness. Additionally, as modern symbols, they convey the sentiment that the recipient brightens the sender's world.
ARRANGEMENTS
Can't choose one? Enjoy our selection of combination arrangements.
LARGE ARRANGEMENTS
13 Reasons Why You Should Visit Coffee Carat by lily-blue (Ongoing) || Various Themes || A series of love stories built around the same coffee shop: its owner, his employees, his close friends and the customers
"Like wildflowers, you must allow yourself to grow in all the places people thought you never would"
- E.V.
✿ SHOP...
BANG CHAN
Waratahs are an excellent choice when you are wanting to symbolize a wish for health and longevity. This flower is also referenced in a number of Australian aboriginal dreaming stories and is used to symbolize both the positive and tragic sides of love.
LEE KNOW
Magnolias symbolize youth, innocence, and joy. During the Victorian times, the magnolia flowers often symbolized dignity, nobility, poise, and pride. The strength of its bloom is also symbolic of self-respect and self-esteem.
CHANGBIN
Snapdragons symbolize both deception and graciousness, which make them the perfect charms against falsehood or secret messages between lovers. Snaps also hold significance as a representation of grace under pressure and inner strength during challenging circumstances.
HYUNJIN
Freesias carry a symbolic meaning of loyalty and trust. With their elegant and reliable nature reflected in their delicate and graceful shape, freesias often serve as a symbol of fidelity and devotion in friendships and partnerships, emphasizing the importance of trust and dependability.
HAN
Dahlias hold the meaning of "finding inner strength," making them ideal for supporting someone going through a tough time. They symbolize grace and kindness, even in challenging situations. Sending a bouquet of dahlias is a thoughtful way to uplift and brighten the day of someone you care about during stressful moments.
FELIX
Buttercups symbolize humility, childishness, cheerfulness, and goodwill. According to legend, fairies are responsible for the creation of buttercups. When a group of fairies asked an old miser for charity as he crossed a field with a sack of gold, and he refused, they cleverly cut a hole in his sack with a blade of grass. As he walked away, coins dropped and scattered, giving rise to buttercups where they touched the earth.
SEUNGMIN
Ranunculus flowers symbolize charm and attractiveness, and express admiration for someone's charm and beauty. They also symbolize creativity, grace, and refinement, which makes them an ideal choice to convey feelings of having a crush on someone and the desire to know more about them. Additionally, they're also the perfect and elegant gift for someone you deeply value or admire.
I.N
Cosmos flowers, with their neat and balanced petals, are often linked to the concept of order in the universe and its intricate arrangement. Most cosmos have eight petals, which resembles the infinity symbol, thus symbolizing infinite possibilities that call for resilience and balance. It serves as a reminder of our inherent power to embrace the countless blessings life offers.
ARRANGEMENTS
Can't choose one? Enjoy our selection of combination arrangements.
LARGE ARRANGEMENTS
Sanguis Limerance by jl_micasea-fics (150.0k) || Mature, Vampire AU || You have a job to do. That job is simple, in of itself. Yet the elusive vampire family you find yourself entangled with, the target of your job, makes things anything but straightforward. Can you traverse the thin lines between right and wrong when harsh truths are exposed and realities come to light? Can you resist the allure of danger, the appeal of the unknown? Experience this story of unlikely friendships, lurking threat, and entirely unexpected love
Sanguis Limerance: Origins by jl-micasea-fics (140.0k) || Mature, Prequel Series || You know them as the vampires that rule your heart, the misfit family that made room for you in your direst time of need. Strong and resilient, with allures of supernatural potency. But they were not always so. Discover the roots of your vampires, and the people they once were. Trace everything back to their beginnings, in these, their origin stories
The Recovery Files by thepixelelf (8.6k) || Angst || HELP WANTED. Looking for 7 subjects to participate in a study on relationships and breakups. $125 compensation. Requirements: 18-25 years of age; having ended a relationship within the last 2 years; and willing to share about said ended relationship. If interested, please contact Bang Chan at [email protected], or (82-2) 739 641
#nix reading nook#ateez#ateez fanfiction#ateez fanfics#ateez oneshots#ateez x reader#ateez smut#seonghwa#seonghwa fanfiction#seonghwa fanfic#seonghwa oneshot#seonghwa x reader#seonghwa smut#park seonghwa#park seonghwa fanfiction#park seonghwa fanfic#park seonghwa oneshot#park seonghwa x reader#park seonghwa smut#ateez recommendations#yeosang#fanfiction#yeosang fanfiction#yeosang fanfic#yeosang oneshot#yeosang x reader#kang yeosang#kang yeosang fanfiction#kang yeosang fanfic#kang yeosang oneshot
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six recent song favorites!
thank you for the tag @sillsif. i listen to music that exclusively falls into either one of two categories: (a) silly or (b) devastating. i think my selection here pretty accurately reflects that. also i have bad taste but it's perfect to me. ok in no particular order:
ditto - newjeans: my brother is trying to indoctrinate me to newjeansism and it's working. this music video is SUPER well-done and interesting, a lot of thought is put into their concepts and videos. and they're just the cutest girls in the world! also i like this more than omg but omg IS iconic.
Stay in the middle
Like you a little, don't want no riddle
Say it, say it back, oh, say it ditto
i need u - tnx: i got into tnx last year in a 3-day long frenzy when i had covid and was in quarantine, i really like them! i think they're very talented and have an appealing overall group dynamic. this song is very different from their debut song but i like the sound of it a lot, it feels very boyband-y. some of the lyrics are kind of silly lol
Waking up and falling asleep to your warmth that still remains
We were meant to be
We had the right chemistry
Hope this wasn't a one-sided story of a hopeless romantic
devil by the window - tomorrow x together: my fav off the new album <3 my brother described it as evil dove cameron-esque tiktok music and i'm okay with that. overall, i really like this album and their concept for this era. with every new album i get a new favorite txt b-side (though i think opening sequence still remains on top for me).
I met the devil by the window
Traded my life
Temptation touched my tongue
Spread the wings of desire
animal - jinyoung: PARK JINYOUNG I AM YOUR FAN FOREVER! i really love this album and i'm grateful that jinyoung decided to continue making music because i lowkey expected him to just go full-time acting. i like that this song is a sad balland, jinyoung has such a pretty and emotive voice.
Close the curtains and come back to bed
Close your eyes and ask for a dream
Sins grow and become thorns
No matter how much I hid it, I couldn't hide it
waiting room - phoebe bridgers: it's my villain origin story that they took this off of spotify. the structure of this song is pretty simplistic and there's minimal lyrics, but god. it's just raw yearning in this bittersweet and haunting way. this is on my palmnueng playlist.
I wanna be the broken love song that feeds your misery
And I can wish all that I want, but it won't bring us together
Plus I know whatever happens to me, I know it's for the better
when - dodie: specifically, the version she performed during her tiny desk set (which i linked and would highly recommend watching the whole thing). she first released this song through youtube when i was around 14, now i'm almost 21. dodie is one of those artists who has gotten me through a very specific part of my youth. the way this song and the arrangement has evolved over the years is really beautiful. i'm glad she continues to perform it.
I'm sick of faking diary entries
Got to get it in my head
I’ll never be sixteen again
I'm waiting to live, and waiting to love
Oh it'll be over, and I'll still be asking when
tagging: @petrichoraline @soundgun @chinzhillababy @ashedddaisy and anyone else who'd like to do it! thank you for reading if you did.
#i was like hm maybe this won't all be kpop#shoutout to the msp osts flooding my spotify on repeat playlist but you all already know......#tag game#mint talks
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Special Ship
First of all thank you so so much for participating in my survey! I really really appreciate that and thank you from the bottom of my heart! May all the goods come your way. here you go love!
Mars X Mars - Your relationship will have a competitive side. This is mainly the fact because the two of you would grow and expant with and next to each other. You need a sense of progress and achievement. Because of that you can maintain some kind of youthfulness and freshness in the relationship
Sun X Mercury - You will truly understand each other while having mutual interests. You will be able to share your ideas while Jinwoung can help you put them into work. You like spending time together in general and helping each other out.
Mercury X Mercury - Your ideas and thoughts are pretty compatbile. You complemnt each other very well and love sharing your ideas while having mutual understanding
Mars X Jupiter - You two having a common interest in sport and travel. Jinyoung will be able to help you reach for things in your life that seem out of reach for you while you will help Jinyoung put his ideas into work. There will be acutal growth in this relationship and you would appreciate this so much.
Npatune X Sun - You two together will have a soft-aestetic. You're really warm, understanding and comfortable with each other. Jinyoung will be able to lighten up your ideas and mood in general while you would help JInyoung strengthen his ego.
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Extras Masterlist
I no longer write for or take requests for these groups.
One Shots
2k Song Blurb Masterlist
BTS Married Life Drabbles
Day to day life married to BTS
House Hunters (Seokjin)
Sunny Side Up (Yoongi)
Have You Met My Wife? (Hoseok)
Babysitting Duty (Namjoon)
A Dog Is A Practice Baby (Jimin)
DIY (Taehyung)
Grocery Day (Jeongguk)
Song Drabbles
BTS Fluff
Stay Stay Stay (Seokjin)
You Got Me (Yoongi)
If I Could Fly (Hoseok)
Moonlight in Atlanta (Namjoon)
Animal (Jimin)
Absolutely Smitten (Taehyung)
YOUTH (Jeongguk)
The Four Seasons
Season themed drabbles
Winter
Let It Snow (Namjoon)
Deck the Halls (Hoseok)
Sleigh Ride (Yoongi)
Spring
April Showers (Jimin)
Summer
To Market, To Market (Seokjin)
How To Beat The Heat (Jeongguk)
Autumn
Apple Crumble (Taehyung)
Miscellaneous One Shots
Should Have Deleted That (Hoseok)
Bulletpoints
BTS Babies
Seokjin / Yoongi / Hoseok / Namjoon / Jimin / Taehyung / Jeongguk
Boyfriend BTS
Seokjin / Yoongi / Hoseok / Namjoon / Jimin / Taehyung / Jeongguk
BTS Cuddles
Seokjin / Yoongi / Hoseok / Namjoon / Jimin / Taehyung / Jeongguk
GOT7 Cuddles
Mark / Jaebum / Jackson / Jinyoung / Youngjae / Bambam / Yugyeom
Mamamoo Cuddles
Yongsun / Byulyi / Wheein / Hyejin
Pentagon Cuddles
Jinho / Hoetaek / Hongseok / Shinwon / Changgu / Yanan / Yuto / Hyunggu / Wooseok
Twice Cuddles
Nayeon / Jeongyeon / Momo / Sana / Jihyo / Mina / Dahyun / Chaeyoung / Tzuyu
Reactions
BTS on a Road Trip
Non-Kpop
My Friends as an Idol Group
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reposting in hopes it shows up in tags
hello, discord roleplayers !
i am looking to write some kpop ships and kdrama shows listed below, so if you’re interested, like this post or reach out in the dms ! i prefer m/m ships at the moment.
( bold is the faceclaim i want to write as )
seonghwa / wooyoung * ( woohwa )
jungwoo / jaehyun ( jaewoo )
the devil judge ( yohan / gaon ) aka ji sung x jinyoung *
beomgyu / yeonjun * ( beomjun / yeongyu )
taehyung x cha eunwoo
soobin / beomgyu * ( soogyu )
true beauty ( suho / seo joon ) aka eunwoo x hwang in yeop
cha eunwoo x sf9 rowoon
svt mingyu / exo kai ( kaigyu )
lee do hyun / park solomon
song kang x kim soo hyun
enhypen sunghoon / txt hueningkai
svt mingyu x park solomon ( solgyu )
beomgyu / hueningkai ( beomkai )
anything inspired by the reply series — reply 1997 , reply 1988 , reply 1994 !!
gong yoo x lee dong wook ( goblin : the great and lonely god )
mingyu x taeyong ( yongyu ) *
park solomon / seo in guk
johnny x jaehyun x jungwoo ( johnjaewoo )
bae in hyuk x lee minho
yeo jin goo / ji chang wook
lee dong wook x im siwan ( saw them in strangers from hell and they're a certified hot pairing )
enhypen sunghoon x sunoo ( sunsun )
kim seon ho / yeo jin goo
woo do hwan x kim min jae
the king : eternal monarch ( lee minho / woo do hwan )
lee do hyun x kim soo hyun
sf9 rowoon / taehyung ( taewoon )
yeo jin goo x seo in guk
lee dong sik / han ju won or han joo won however you wanna write it ( beyond evil bc damn that shit be on the top #1 homoeroticism with the devil judge )
song kang x lee minho
soobin / mingyu ( soomin )
yeo jin goo x lee do hyun ( aka younger lee dong sik )
shin ha kyun x yeo jin goo ( canon beyond evil pair )
lee minho / woo do hwan *
park bo gum x kwak dong yeon
kim soo hyun / park hyung sik
enhypen sunghoon x ?? ( i dunno i adore him a lot even tho i only recently began joining the fandom — i relate to him in a few ways tbh )
kang haneul x yeo jin goo
exo sehun x kai ( sekai / kaihun )
yeo jin goo / park solomon
lee do hyun x gong yoo
park solomon / bae in hyuk
exo kai / taeyong ( kaiyong )
anything inspired by isekai / historical / fantasy / transmigration manhwas !!
exo kai x nct mark lee ( kaimark )
seonghwa / yeosang ( seongsang )
gong yoo x kwak dong yeon
park solomon / kim min jae
wi ha joon x lee dong wook
song kang / park bo gum
kim jungwoo x jung sungchan ( woosung )
svt hoshi / lee soo hyuk [ horanhyuk — lmao you know why 😂 i love it ]
park solomon x lee minho
gong yoo / kim minkyu
ryeon x hwang in yeop
choi hyun wook / park solomon
jung sung il x lee do hyun ( the glory )
lee minho x hwang in yeop
yeo jin goo / jung sung il ( also a hot pair )
choi minho x park hyung sik
lee minho / kim soo hyun
woo do hwan x jung sung il
hwang in yeop / park solomon
cha eunwoo x choi hyun wook
gong yoo / jung sung il ( zaddy fest gimme pls )
wi ha jun x ji chang wook
nam joo hyuk / jung gun joo
woo do hwan x lee sang yi ( such great chemistry and adoration fr )
kim soo hyun / woo do hwan
woo do hwan x ji sung
park hyung sik / sf9 rowoon
kim soo hyun x gong yoo ( gimme pls !! )
hwang in yeop / woo do hwan
park hyung sik x gong yoo
ji chang wook / kim soo hyun
kim seon ho x kang haneul ( basically hometown cha cha cha x when the camellia blooms )
gong yoo x park bo gum
lee minho / seo in guk
taeyong / johnny ( johnyong )
johnny x haechan
anything inspired by kdramas !! such as — moon lovers : scarlet heart ryeo , beyond evil , the devil judge , it's okay to not be okay , the heirs , kill me heal me , love in the moonlight , goblin , my id is gangnam beauty , my roommate is a gumiho , the king : eternal monarch , vincenzo , school 2015 : who are you , extraordinary you , because this is my first life , go ahead ( 2020 cdrama but so good !! ) , coffee prince , strangers from hell , hometown cha cha cha , when the camellia blooms , the glory , tomorrow (2022) , cheer up (2022) , sh**ting stars , record of youth , doctors , legend of the blue sea , chief kim , hotel del luna , flower boy next door , love alarm (justice for hwang sun-oh), pinnochio & more !!
jungwoo / haechan ( hyuckwoo / junghyuck )
taeil / haechan ( sunmoon )
seo in guk x jung hae in
johnny / jungwoo ( johnwoo )
jungwoo x yuta ( yuwoo )
apo nattawin / choi minho ( ft. shin mina as the sister )
lucas x jungwoo ( luwoo )
minhyun / sf9 rowoon
lee jong suk x jung hae in
ji sung / park bo gum
sehun x baekhyun ( sebaek )
seonghwa x soobin ( soohwa ) * [ hear me out it's such a fine pairing y'all i need them to interact and make their dating rumours canon bc i just KNOW they would get along really well ]
san x seonghwa ( sanhwa )
jung sung il / shin mina ( our blues kdrama ) — not their characters but their pairing !!
yeonjun / wooyoung ( yeonwoo / woojun )
wooyoung x san x seonghwa ( woosanhwa )
yeonjun / soobin / beomgyu ( yeonbingyu aka txt's choi line )
any m/m pairing inspired by when the camelia blooms ( haneul's cop character / the single parent )
ji sung x kim min jae
taehyung / svt mingyu ( mintae )
ji chang wook x park bo gum
anything inspired by harry potter series ( esp. the weasley twins , kriggory , wolfstar — remus lupin x sirius black ) i love as well !
park bo gum / hwang in yeop
seonghwa x haechan ( hwahyuck )
kwak dong yeon / ji chang wook
hoshi x seonghwa ( shihwa )
lee minho / jinyoung
svt mingyu x song kang
kang haneul / song kang ( when the camellia blooms' hwang yongsik x love alarm adult hwang sun-oh pls they are so open & unrestricted with their love :")
byeon woo seok x song kang
wooyoung / seonghwa / san / yeosang ( woohwasansang )
jung hae in x song kang
hwang in yeop / kim seon ho
seonghwa x sf9 rowoon ( rohwa )
ryu jun yeol / go kyung pyo
yunho x yeosang ( yunsang )
park bo gum / svt mingyu
svt jeonghan x s.coups
seonghwa / svt mingyu ( gyuhwa )
svt junhui x jungwoo
lee do hyun / ji chang wook
song kang x sf9 rowoon
kim ji woong ( bl actor & boys planet ) x anyone
hwang in yeop / song kang
svt mingyu x jeonghan
hwang in yeop / lee do hyun
seonghwa x cha eunwoo ( seongwoo )
ji chang wook / park solomon
beomgyu x nct sungchan ( gyuchan )
jungwoo / sf9 rowoon
jeno x haechan ( nohyuck )
kang haneul / lee do hyun
mark lee x haechan ( markhyuck )
svt mingyu / kim ji woong
park solomon x kwak dong yeon
taehyung / park bo gum
mark lee x jungwoo ( markwoo )
park solomon / park bo gum
song kang x lee do hyun
woo do hwan / kim min jae
lee do hyun x woo do hwan
svt hoshi / mingyu
byeon woo seok x park bo gum ( record of youth's won hae hyo & sa hye jun )
svt mingyu / jungwoo ( gyuwoo )
kang haneul x kim minkyu
enhypen sunghoon / beomgyu ( hoongyu )
svt mingyu / park solomon ( gyumon )
lee minho x song kang
woo do hwan / kang haneul
lee do hyun x lee minho
song kang / kim seon ho ( characters — love alarm x hometown cha cha cha crossover )
park solomon / sf9 rowoon
seonghwa x park solomon ( hwasol )
seo kang joon / kwak dong yeon
lee minho x seo kang joon
sf9 rowoon / svt mingyu ( gyuwoon )
park solomon x cha eunwoo
kang haneul / wi ha joon
seonghwa x kim ji woong
song kang / park solomon
kim ji woong x jungwoo
jung sung il / song kang
park solomon x jungwoo ( monwoo )
kim ji woong / kdrama actor
svt mingyu x jungwoo x sf9 rowoon ( aka the tall bf brigade )
( actor ) ji soo x park hyung sik
park solomon / jung sung il ( hottie & zaddy )
kim ji woong / kwak dong yeon
( actor ) ji soo x nam joo hyuk
bae in hyuk / kim hyun jin
kang haneul x park solomon
yeo jin goo / song kang
ha do young / moon dong eun ( the glory s1 & s2 ) — lbr the seduction, chemistry and tension between jung sung il / song hye kyo is fire af !! i either need the character pairing or fc pairing. tbh i want them to fall in love irl too , they're so hot . new zaddy in town .
moon dong eun x joo yeo jung ( the glory s1 & s2 ) — lee do hyun the noona collector along with cha eunwoo saying “ i will be your executioner, i'll join your hunt. i'll join your sword dance. who can i kill for you right now? ” this fucking line omg the i love you replacement is 10000x hot.
park ji hoon / choi hyun wook ( weak hero class 1 ) — not the characters but their dynamic and pairing !
jinyoung x another male kdrama actor ( inspired by reborn rich )
lee soo hyuk / jinyoung
song kang x another male kdrama actor ( bc he was too cute too precious and hwang sun-oh deserved so much better in love alarm )
kim ji woong x enhypen sunghoon
open to many more pairings !!
21+ only writing partners for long term and those who understand muse can vary / life is busy so sometimes headcanons & text rp > actual full length rp.
» some plot au & dynamics to consider — downton abbey, old hollywood, mafia, hogwarts, enemies to lovers, reluctant allies dynamic, forbidden lovers, royal x servant, 80s italian summer ( think ' call me by your name ' but the age difference is legal ), 1920s to 1990s, rivals dynamic, crime / on the run au, difference in social status of some sort, bridgerton s2 kathony but make it gay, supernatural verses, knight x servant, vampire au, single parent, hannigram, kpop stars in the same group, detectives / sherlock and watson type private investigators, twilight au, noble x noble, sugar daddy, fake dating, college au, medieval era, modern day actors falling in love, lawyer / murder husbands, fantasy, pokemon au, hamptons / rich kids au, werewolves, legal age gaps, ceo / secretary, time travel ( twinkling watermelon kdrama ), victorian era, amc interview with the vampire au, royal x knight, vampire / werewolf, enemies in love, omegaverse, roommates, businessman au, vampire clans, detective partners, bodyguard, slice of life. also transmigration /reincarnation / historical royalty / manhwa like operation: true love, inso's law, and more!! / isekai manhwa inspired stuff (example. death is the only ending for the villain, raising a black dragon, surviving as a maid, a false confession, remarried empress and more!) — open to a variety of isekai and non-isekai manhwa.
but that said, i don’t ghost, it would be preferable if the writing partner didn’t as well. communication is key !
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「 lgc cafe performance ⇛ 2023 Q1 SOLO 」
set list:
Dean - 21
Anson Seabra - Peter Pan was right
Gemini - Going
Anees - Sun and Moon
RADWIMPS - Nandemonaiya
finding himself back here, jinyoung feels more secure as an artist. the sense of nostalgia that overcomes him as he thinks back to last trimester feels surreal, considering how little time has passed but how much has happened.
the offered gig opportunity from an artist actively seeking him out to the talk with their manager; jinyoung finds himself at a cross road, ready to set foot on the path he had chosen. to become a performer as a secondary option along with his modeling career was a choice that seemed natural with how much he enjoyed standing on a stage.
“good evening,” he greets his audience, his trademark smile brightening his features as he surveys the crowd. “my name is kim jinyoung, it’s a pleasure to be back this trimester as well and perform for you.” his introduction is as smooth as his voice and the pleasant expression he wears on his features. by now jinyoung knows how to use his charms to entice an audience and while he doesn’t exactly fake anything, he does make his own life easier by playing it up just a tad for the public.
“today I have a small selection of songs I’ve either been asked to sing or have always wanted to try my hand at covering. I hope you enjoy,” he concludes his opening mend, launching straight into the first song.
while last trimester he switched it up between a bit of vocals and rapping, this time jinyoung decided to focus himself on vocals only. even if he enjoyed rapping, to work on enhancing his singing would just open more doors and opportunities for him in the long run. especially if he wanted to perform in a musical again.
so he sings, opting for a selection of the three languages he spent his youth learning and chooses songs that have hearts melting and the company nodding in approval for including at least one song performed by a senior artist of the company. his mends include some humble words, a few well placed chuckles and charming tilts of his head as he remains the soft spoken, quiet guy the public gets to know him as bit by bit.
always a bit unreachable, always seemingly a bit on the fuck boy side but never quite able to be placed. that’s how jinyoung preferred it. with a bow he offers little to satisfy the public’s curiosity beyond what he’s willing to show, merely hiding how pride he feels of his achievements behind a gentle smile.
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Britt! So Jinyoung is in that new variety show Youth Actors’ Retreat / MT… curious if you’ve seen it and your thoughts if you have?
I just finished it and thought he was pretty reserved—I even wanna say it seemed like he had less screen time than others but I think maybe that was just an illusion bc he was “quiet”. B1A4 was mentioned twice (3x if you count an indirect reference to his idol days while showing press photos from that moonlight kdrama) and I thought it was interesting how he kept it pretty neutral? pc? polite and acknowledging but passive? in all of those times. They did a food truck thing at the end and one bana came and told him she’s a bana when she placed her food order, and then when someone called him over to that table the girl told him she’s been his fan for 11yrs and he was just like, “that means ever since I debuted right thank you” maybe it was viki’s translation but it really did just say “I” and he obvs didn’t mention b1a4 himself 😅 (p.s. not trying to stir up anything, I just really thought his reactions/passive responses to all those were interesting bc it seemed like it wasn’t something he wanted to mention, idk if that’s really just how it is for idol-turned-actors or if it’s bc of what went down)
Oh wait! This one’s another indirect mention I think—they had to go into an abandoned school at night to retrieve some items and each team had to pick one from another team to go into the school… was it hello baby that they did that? Anyway iirc he went in and came back out with no ingredient for their samgyetang (salt? I forget)… wasn’t that him or is my memory foggy? But I distinctly remember he couldn’t get an ingredient. Anyway one of the older guest actors on another team said maybe they should pick jy to go in bc “a long time ago he had to do this for something else but was unsuccessful and came right back out” so maybe he’s seen him in hello baby too
I really didn't have too much of an interest in it, so I didn't wind up watching any of it lol 😅
I did see some people on Twitter though had compiled the few examples of B1A4 being brought up, so I did see his response to it. I agree with your take on his responses. And honestly, I think that way of handling it is probably the safest bet for him. Just a polite acknowledgement lol. Because (and I know I’ve said it before so hopefully I don’t come off as being too repetitive) but Jinyoung is in an interesting situation where it’s a ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ scenario. If he acts too excitable about B1A4, or brings it up himself, it can come across as questionable if not downright disingenuous given what transpired. If he completely ignores it, then it seems like he’s too good, or beyond the group, that he clearly left to move on from it. So yeah, I found the way he handled it to be professional and probably the best he could have done.
Also omg I didn’t see that clip? lol but that’s actually really funny if that actor knew that, I feel like at this point that’s a true deep dive, old school vault bipo reference lmaooo. Yeah it was Hello Baby, Jinyoung was being a little shit while he was waiting outside scaring Sandeul and Baro but then once it was his turn to go inside he couldn’t even last long enough to grab anything 😂
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into the deltaverse callback by moon jinyoung
covering pink venom by quartz (ref. 0:15-1:15)
the first thing moon jinyoung does when entering the room he's meant to perform in is check the friction of his shoes against the polished wooden floor. last time he had been invited to the studio delta building, albeit the older building before the axis merger, had been a fucking embarrassment; old shoes with treads worn too thin had no traction on the flood. he's lucky he didn't hurt anything but his pride back then. to his relief, this time he seems to be in for a little better luck.
"hello, i'm moon jinyoung," he bows politely to his evaluators, but they already know who he is. they're the ones who called him back and surely the papers in front of them tell everything that they might need to know; his name, his age, his resume, and all of those details he had filled out online already. he takes a breath to steady his nerves and flashes his most winning smile. jinyoung knows that it's not performance talent alone that makes an idol.
"today i'll be covering pink venom, originally by quartz. but, honestly, i changed the choreography a little to suit me better. i hope you like it." he bows again as he thanks the judges for their time in advance, then backs himself into position on the center point marked on the floor. he only has one chance to get this right, so he'll do his god damned best to impress.
the music starts and jinyoung's body snaps to attention, practiced movements coming naturally with a grace and power that he agonized over for hours in the mirror. he doesn't have anything against the more feminine movements of the original choreography, it's not that; it's just that he doesn't think it suits him. sure, he could've probably picked a male artist to cover instead, but isn't delta a more creative company to start? surely they'd appreciate this more. regardless, he doesn't think about such things now. instead, he pretends that he's once again on stage, competing, performing in front of hundreds or thousands of fans. he dances as if the room was a concert and the judges were his adoring audience, making eye contact and that cocky-confident smile that suits quartz's song so well. if he could wink, he would; he tried to practice that too.
the song comes to a close and jinyoung finds himself wishing that he had time to show more. but alas, he holds the finishing pose for a few extra seconds before relaxing his posture and bowing again. he expects to be dismissed rather quickly afterwards, but it's the judges who present him with further questions instead.
"what would you have done differently in your previous auditions that might have yearned more positive results?"
oh. jinyoung swallows thickly before managing a smile. surely there's some sort of humor to be found in this situation. "wore better shoes?" he can't remember if this is the same panel as before, or if they would even remember him at all. "i had an audition once where i was wearing old sneakers and the grip on the bottom was completely shot. i ended up slipping and messing up my dance... that was my fault for not being better prepared."
"how will you feel if this results in another rejection? will you give up on being an idol?"
each question seems harder to answer than the last. any trace of a smile vanishes from jinyoung's face, the mood suddenly quite somber. "i..." will he? he's thought about it, certainly. he's getting old. not literally, but old for a trainee. there will come a point where youth is more desirable, where he will no longer look appealing to any company no matter how good he dances or how handsome he may be. he certainly can't tell them that he's waiting on results from other auditions as well, though they may already know that. "i don't know," he answers honestly, unable to lie even if he could think of a good one. "maybe. i've thought about it. i know there's an... expiration date on this dream of mine. i don't know when exactly that is, though. i just... i guess i'll try as hard as i can until i can't anymore."
he bows his head, humbled by their interrogation.
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Kim Hae Sook to Star in ‘Miss Granny’ K-Drama Remake with Jung Ji So and B1A4 Jinyoung
Kim Hae Sook, one of the most respected and versatile actresses in Korea, has confirmed her participation in the upcoming K-drama remake of the hit movie "Miss Granny." She will join the young stars Jung Ji So and B1A4 Jinyoung in this fantasy comedy series that will air next year.
What is ‘Miss Granny’ About?
(Photo : News 1 Korea)
Kim Hae Sook
“Miss Granny” is a popular 2014 film that tells the story of Oh Mal Soon, a 74-year-old grandmother who suddenly regains her youth after visiting a mysterious photo studio. She changes her name to Oh Doo Ri and pursues her dream of becoming a singer, while hiding her true identity from her family and friends.
The movie was a huge success, attracting over 8.6 million viewers and becoming the highest-grossing Korean comedy film of all time. It also spawned several remakes in other countries, such as China, Japan, Vietnam, Indonesia, Thailand, and the Philippines.
The K-drama version of “Miss Granny” will follow the same plot as the movie, but with some modifications and additions to suit the longer format. The series will be directed by Kim Sang Ho, who previously worked on “Extraordinary You” and “Run On,” and written by Shin Ha Eun, who penned “The Crowned Clown” and “Mr. Queen.”
Who are the Cast Members of ‘Miss Granny’?
(Photo : CJ ENM Movie)
Kim Hae Sook will play the role of Oh Mal Soon, the feisty and stubborn grandmother who transforms into a 20-year-old beauty. Kim Hae Sook is a veteran actress who has appeared in numerous films and dramas, such as “Thirst,” “The Thieves,” “Mother,” “Dear My Friends,” “Prison Playbook,” and “Hospital Playlist.” She is known for her versatile acting skills and her ability to portray various characters with depth and nuance.
(Photo : Singles Magazine Korea)
Jung Ji So
Jung Ji So will play the role of Oh Doo Ri, the younger version of Oh Mal Soon who enjoys her newfound youth and freedom. Jung Ji So is a rising actress who gained recognition for her roles in “Parasite,” “The Cursed,” and “Snowdrop.” She is also set to star in another upcoming drama, “The Glory,” written by Kim Eun Sook.
B1A4 Jinyoung will play the role of Ban Ji Ji, a music producer who discovers Oh Doo Ri’s talent and helps her debut as an idol. Jinyoung is a singer-actor who debuted as a member of B1A4 in 2011. He has also starred in several dramas, such as “Love in the Moonlight,” “My First First Love,” and “Police University.”
When will ‘Miss Granny’ Air?
(Photo : CJ Entertainment)
“Miss Granny” is currently in the middle of filming and is expected to air sometime in 2023. The exact broadcast date and network have not been announced yet, but fans are already looking forward to seeing how the drama will adapt the movie’s hilarious and heartwarming story.
What Else Can Fans Expect from Kim Hae Sook?
(Photo : JTBC Drama Official)
Lee Yoo Mi, Kim Hae Sook, Kim Jung Eun, Ong Seong Wu, Byun Woo Seok
While waiting for “Miss Granny” to air, fans can also catch Kim Hae Sook in another upcoming drama, "Strong Girl Namsoon." This is a sequel to the 2017 hit drama “Strong Woman Do Bong Soon,” which starred Park Bo Young as a woman with superhuman strength.
In “Strong Girl Namsoon,” Kim Hae Sook will play Gil Joong Gan, the grandmother of Kang Nam Soon, played by Lee Yoo Mi. Kang Nam Soon is the cousin of Do Bong Soon, who also inherited the superpower from their grandmother. The drama will follow Kang Nam Soon’s adventures as she teams up with her mother and grandmother to protect Gangnam from evil forces.
“Strong Girl Namsoon” will premiere on October 7 on JTBC at 10:30 p.m. KST.
(Photo : JTBC)
Kim Hae Sook
What do you think of Kim Hae Sook’s upcoming dramas? Are you excited to see her as Miss Granny and Strong Girl’s grandmother? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Subscribe to IDOLS KPOP for exclusive updates and captivating content.
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Kim Dong-wan X Lee Solomon, duet stage revealed...
Dongwan Kim and Solomon Lee prepared a duet stage.
Kim Dong-wan admired Park Chang-geun's youthful appearance and said, "I was surprised to hear of his age. I thought he was my age. I thought about it, but I was surprised how he had such a beautiful voice for so long." In response, Park Chang-geun praised him, saying, "You are really handsome. You look like a deer's eye," and Kim Dong-wan responded, "The antlers grew a lot, so I cut them in the morning."
This Solomon, against Hyun Jin-young, said, "Seeing her senior, it felt intimidating. Still, I will take responsibility for the honor of the country and make the best stage for her." Then Hyun Jin-young said, "I have a good spirit. If I had been like this when I was young, I would have been very scolded."
This Solomon sang her 'I love her' and showed off her emotional ballader side. Dancing King's selection of songs against emotion was the ballad masterpiece 'Nocturne'. Shinji was nervous, saying, "I love Jinyoung's brother Phil, so big things can happen."
On the stage of Jinyoung Hyun's 'Nocturne', her cast and audience shed tears. In particular, Chun Myung-hoon brought tears to his eyes. Chun Myung-hoon explained, "I don't know why it makes me cry like this. The lyrics and the song selection itself touched my emotions." Hyun Jin-young said, "From my point of view, Chun Myung-hoon also seems to have reached menopause," she said.
Solomon Lee and Dongwan Kim performed a special duet stage with 'Watercolor on a Rainy Day'. Solomon Lee and Dongwan Kim captured the hearts of women with their simple harmony. In addition, he recorded a legendary stage with a retro sensibility and warm visual.
먹튀,먹튀검증,먹튀제보,먹튀신고,먹튀검증사이트,먹튀검증업체,먹튀검증커뮤니티,먹튀사이트,먹튀사이트검증,먹튀제보사이트,먹튀사이트제보,먹튀신고사이트,먹튀사이트신고,토토,토토사이트,토토사이트검증,토토검증사이트,카지노,카지노사이트,카지노먹튀,카지노먹튀검증,카지노먹튀검증사이트,온라인카지노,토토사이트먹튀신고
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most belovedest!!!! I’m thinking touch by nct 127 or jinyoung’s solo my youth!!!! 💘✨💞☁️🍬💖💫🤍💓
MADDIEEEE LOML 💞💗💕 they're both such iconic songs and they're for me???? thank u beloved mwah </3
send me a song that matches my blog 💿✨
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These are so blurry, but he is literally so attractive.
#got7#park jinyoung#got7 jinyoung#actor jinyoung#jinyoung#my youth#present: you#kpop#ahgase#baby bird#jinyoung my youth
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My Youth (Chapter 10)
Broken and miserable, Park Jinyoung returns to his hometown to learn that no matter how hard he falls, there are still people who think he’s a hero.
Warnings: Angst, slow build, maybe some language. (Please don’t ask when I’ll update. Wait until the series is finished to read if you’re impatient. I mean this. Don’t. Seriously.) Also this is UNEDITED, I’ll edit after my exam tomorrow.
Word Count: 9.8k (Fuck this one chapter is the size of a whole fic, kill me)
(Can’t put links to the other parts here, please check my Masterlist/the reblog for the Prologue and previous chapters)
When Jinyoung opened his eyes in the morning, there was a large figure looming over his bed.
He jerked up in horror while the person standing above him slowly came into focus. It was Jackson Wang. The gym teacher was wearing a tracksuit and had a despicable grin on his handsome face.
“What the fuck, Jackson. Who let you in here?”
“Your mother,” Jackson replied with a cheerful grin. He tugged on Jinyoung’s blanket impatiently. “I was out for my morning run and your Mom invited me in for a cup of coffee. You look like you could use some exercise. Let’s go for a run.”
Jinyoung groaned and pulled his blanket back up. “No. Go away.”
“Are you mad at me about the other night? I probably should have kept my mouth shut about what happened that Christmas, right?” Jackson rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Sorry. I get a little talkative when I drink. I’ll make it up to you! How about that run?”
Jinyoung sighed and sat up while rubbing his eyes sleepily. There was no way Jackson was going to let him go back to bed now. He blinked up at his childhood friend. “There are reporters hovering around everywhere. They might follow us.”
“That’s why we run, genius,” Jackson replied enthusiastically. “We’ll sneak out the back. Come on. Most of them are asleep in their cars, I already checked. It’s only six am.”
Six am? Fuck.
Fighting Jackson Wang required more energy than simply giving in to him. Jinyoung reluctantly yanked himself out of bed and changed into a pair of track pants. Maybe some exercise wasn’t a bad idea. He trudged downstairs expecting to see Yugyeom fast asleep on the couch again, but the couch was empty and his mother was alone in the living room.
“Where’s Yugyeom?” Jinyoung wondered.
Mrs. Park smiled. “Oh, good morning, dear. Yugyeom seems to have left early this morning. He probably had something to take care of at the police station. Jin-ah left without a word too. I checked the guest room and it’s empty. Even her belongings are gone.”
Jinyoung raised an eyebrow. “Huh. She must have been in a hurry to get back to her father.”
“It seems so. Do you want a cup of coffee?”
“Maybe after my run. Jackson is waiting outside.”
“I’ll have breakfast ready for when you’re back!”
Jinyoung headed out the back door to meet Jackson and the two men jumped the neighbour's hedge and escaped halfway down the street without any reporters spotting them. Once they were safely out of sight and jogging down the adjacent street, Jinyoung felt himself relax. The early morning weather was cool and refreshing. Winter was fast approaching but the worst of the cold hadn’t set in yet. There was a certain crispness to the air.
“Don’t you have work today?” Jinyoung wondered out loud as they passed the elementary school. It was silent and deserted. It felt odd to see the usually bright building in the gloomy light of dawn.
“Yeah, but I don’t have any classes on Monday mornings so I just walk in about mid-morning and nobody really says anything,” Jackson explained cheerfully. He saw how Jinyoung raised an eyebrow at him and pouted. “What? It’s not like my classes require extensive planning. We pick a sport every month, toss a ball at the kids and make sure that they don’t claw each other’s eyes out. It’s not rocket science.”
Jinyoung frowned. “Yeah, but what if the kids get hurt?”
“Kids get hurt all the time, Jinyoung,” Jackson replied dismissively. “What seven-year old doesn’t have scabs all over his knees and elbows? We did plenty of dangerous stuff when we were that age too. Getting hurt and healing means you’re learning. As long as you haven’t damaged anything permanently, it’s fine.”
Jinyoung blinked. “Huh.”
“What?”
“Can’t remember the last time I hurt myself,” Jinyoung admitted quietly. “When I was a kid, I had so many cuts and bruises all over me that I wasn’t even sure how I’d gotten all of them. My mom kept special Pokemon bandaids in the kitchen drawer to placate me. How did we keep managing to hurt ourselves so much? ”
“To be fair, most of your bruises were probably caused by me,” Jackson said with a grin.
“They probably were, you shit. You kept trying to fight me.”
“Okay, but let’s be honest. Do you remember after you climbed the oak tree and your hands were scratched up? Miss First Grade literally fed you lunch for two weeks after that. I was there. I saw it happen.”
Jinyoung couldn’t help it; he grinned and turned to his friend.
“Why do you even remember that?”
Jackson cleared his throat. “I may have been jealous.”
“Seriously?”
“It’s a small town, man, we didn’t have that many girls around! You crush on whoever’s in front of you. Aeri didn’t move here until middle school, remember?”
Jinyoung frowned. “Huh.”
Jackson laughed and playfully reached out to punch Jinyoung on the shoulder. “Dude! Don’t tell me you’re mad because I had a crush on your girl when I was seven! You had plenty of chances to tell her about your feelings but you could never do it. It’s nobody’s fault but yours.”
Jinyoung felt his heart drop. “I guess that’s true.”
“But you had dreams to chase,” Jackson pointed out with a reassuring smile. “We can’t have everything, right? Life is full of choices, man. We all struggle to let go of whatever we we gave up. Every choice you make has a price.”
Jinyoung looked at Jackson for a long moment. He had never bothered to ask what choices Jackson had made that he might have regretted. He had never bothered to ask anyone, really. Perhaps that was the problem. Perhaps Jinyoung was too wrapped up in himself to understand that everyone had their share of problems.
Everyone has something they’re not satisfied with.
If Jinyoung had realized that before, he could have helped you ten years ago.
“What did you give up?” Jinyoung asked suddenly.
“Huh?”
“What did you give up, Jackson? What choices did you make?”
Jackson’s smile dropped. He stopped running and leaned against the railing of the bridge to catch his breath. When he looked up again, there was a more serious expression on his face.
“Promise you won’t tell Aeri.”
“Of course.”
“I had a friend who asked me to come join the gym he was setting up as a trainer. It’s far away; a city that takes at least five hours to get to by train but it was amazing money. I was going to go and work there for a year to help save up when Aeri suddenly sprung on me that she was pregnant.”
Jinyoung folded his arms across his chest. “Oh.”
“She was so excited about having the kid and raising it together, I just couldn’t tell her I was thinking about leaving for work. I turned it down.”
“Was the job at the gym something you really wanted to do?”
Jackson laughed humorlessly. “It’s not a question of whether I wanted to do it. Raising a kid is expensive. I don’t earn that much at the school. Aeri’s coffee shop hasn’t made proper profit in a while. She can’t let go of it because her father used to run it before he died.”
Jinyoung swallowed. He didn’t know what to say. He had never struggled to earn money but he supposed it was foolish to assume that Jackson had never been in a few tight spots. He suddenly felt small. Next to the pressure of having to make enough money to support a newborn baby, Jinyoung’s own problems suddenly felt selfish.
He simply cleared his throat and nodded.
“I’m sorry.”
Jackson smiled. “What for? I’d rather stay here to raise my baby girl anyway.”
“Is it that great?” Jinyoung wondered.
“Family? It’s awesome. You should try it sometime,” Jackson said as he began to resume jogging down the bridge. He gave Jinyoung a cheeky grin. “I can think of a first grade teacher who might be up to the task.”
Jinyoung flushed. “Oh?”
“Yeah. You could find a million reasons to hold back, Jinyoung, but you only need one solid reason to keep going. Most of the time that reason is the people that love you.”
“Is that enough? What if it doesn’t work?”
Jackson shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m no expert on how to live life. We all just do whatever we think will make us as happy as possible. There’s no point trying to find some secret formula. Noody can ever predict how things will turn out. Come on. I’ll race you to that lamp post!”
As Park Jinyoung struggled to keep up with Jackson’s fast pace and the small streets and modest front lawns passed by him, he had a sinking realization.
The day the world stops making sense to you is the day you stop being a child.
---------------------------------------
Jackson Wang’s apartment was a mess, but something about it was filled with life. Jinyoung smiled at the sight of the half-built baby cradle right in the middle of the living room and the sofa piled with all sorts of baby things; feeding bottles, blankets and little baby outfits still in their wrappers. There was nowhere to even sit.
“Sorry about all the mess. You can just shove stuff aside to make space,” Jackson said lightly as he headed into the kitchen. “We’re trying to prepare for the baby so we’re buying stuff and fixing up the nursery whenever we can.”
“A tiny baby needs all these things?” Jinyoung wondered.
“I know, right? It’s insane.” Jackson replied with a sigh. He reached onto the shelves to grab some protein powder and plugged in a blender. “Still, the little baby shoes are fucking adorable. I hold them in my hand and stare at them whenever I feel like giving up. It lifts my mood instantly.”
Jinyoung picked up a pair of baby shoes lying on the armchair and grinned. They still had the tags on them but the soft little things were smaller than his palm and an adorable shade of light purple. He couldn’t even picture how tiny a foot would have to be to fit into it. Just as he was about to put them down the bedroom door opened and Aeri stepped out. Her large baby bump preceded her and she had one hand on her back to steady herself.
“Jackson!” she called out tiredly. “Jackson, are you back from your run-oh. Jinyoung? Hi, I didn’t expect to see you here!”
Jinyoung smiled at her awkwardly. “Uh, hi, Aeri. Sorry for intruding-”
“No worries, I’m sure my husband dragged you up here against your will anyway,” Aeri reassured him with a smile. She looked tired but her skin was glowing. She spotted the little baby boots in Jinyoung’s hands and chuckled. “Oh god, all you men are the same. Jackson stares at those little things like they contain the mysteries of the world sometimes.”
Jinyoung bit his lip. “They’re cute. Her feet must be so tiny.”
“They don’t feel so tiny when they’re kicking from the inside. Sorry about the mess, though, you can just shove things aside to make space,” Aeri reassured him before half-waddling over to the kitchen. Jinyoung could see the married couple over the breakfast bar; Aeri went over and gave Jackson a side-hug as he added ingredients to the blender.
“Baby, isn’t there any coffee?” Aeri asked him hopefully.
Jackson frowned at her. “No. You promised you wouldn’t drink any more coffee once you reached your seventh month.”
“There’s a few days left for that still-”
“Nope. No coffee. You can have some of the protein shake I’m making for Jinyoung and me. Go sit down and I’ll bring you some breakfast,” he told her firmly. Aeri pouted. She couldn’t exactly stand behind Jackson because of her baby bump but she snaked one arm around his waist teasingly.
“But baby, the doctor said a small cup every day would be fine-”
“And we both know you’re going to have a cup as soon as you get to the coffee shop, whether you have one here or not. Don’t play games with me. I’m not drinking any coffee either so you can stop trying to persuade me.”
“But it’ll be fine…” Aeri whined.
Jinyoung bit his lip and turned away from the couple, pretending to look at more of the baby shoes. He felt like he was intruding on something extremely private and intimate. Jackson and Aeri were so happy here. They had problems but they got through it together. Their small family, the baby things in the living room and the warm feeling of waking up to someone who wanted to be with you.
For the first time, Jinyoung felt jealousy stir in his stomach.
He wanted this. He wanted a little apartment that was filled with family. He wanted to build a little cradle for the baby and go shopping for baby shoes. He wanted to have stupid arguments over how much coffee should be drunk and whose turn it was to do the dishes. Jinyoung wanted the warmth that he felt in this place, he wanted the comfort and the coziness. He wanted to wake up with someone next to him in bed and have someone to complain about his day to.
Jinyoung wanted all of it and he wanted it with you.
He realized that if he hadn’t spent so much time thinking about himself, and distancing himself from the people that he cared about, and dedicating himself to his ambition… he might have had it by now. He might have had you.
Perhaps, if he had thought a little more about you and not so much about himself then he would have been a happier man.
“Jinyoung! Come taste this shake, it’s amazing!” Jackson called out to him happily. Jinyoung followed him into the kitchen and gratefully accepted the glass of thick liquid that Jackson gave him. Aeri was giving her husband a dirty look but took her own glass as well. “I added banana to it. It’s great for your health, all the ingredients are organic.”
Jinyoung took a sip and winced. “Oh.”
“You like it?”
Aeri sighed. “He looks like he wants to cry. Nobody likes this shake, Jackson.”
Jackson pouted. “But it’s good for you!”
“Okay. I’m going to take this back to bed and you’d better hope that the smell doesn’t make me puke all over your sheets, Jackson Wang,” Aeri scolded him as she grabbed her glass. She turned and smiled at Jinyoung brightly. “It was nice to see you, Jinyoung. You should have dinner with us sometime, it would be great to catch up!”
Jinyoung nodded. “That sounds great.”
Aeri disappeared into the bedroom and Jinyoung and Jackson were left in the kitchen. Jackson picked up his glass and downed half of it in one go before smacking his lips happily. “Ah, this was great. You have no idea how much energy these give you. Especially considering that I need to come back early tonight and finish fixing that fucking cradle.”
Jinyoung smiled. “Let me know if you need any help.”
“Thanks, man. I think I can manage, though. We haven’t bought even half the stuff we need for the nursery. Aeri has a lot of plans but I’m waiting for my next paycheck to come in.”
Jinyoung bit his lip and glanced towards the half-fixed cradle. Then he looked at his friend. “Jackson. You know that if you ever need money or something like that, you just have to say the word, right? We can figure something out.”
Jackson glanced at Jinyoung uncomfortably. “That’s nice of you, man, but Aeri would kill me if I took money from you.”
“What if you did some work for me?”
“Work?”
“Yeah. I have some reporters hanging around my front door that want an interview and it might be nice to have a PR Manager until this whole media storm blows over. You just have to act like a dick whenever they ask me any weird questions and tell them to shut up so that I don’t have to answer them.”
Jackson grinned. “I do enjoy telling people to shut up.”
“Great.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When Jinyoung got back home, there was an unexpected guest waiting for him.
Mr. Cha from down the street was in the living room enjoying a cup of tea and he brightened up at the sight of Jinyoung. The older man gestured for Jinyoung to join him eagerly. “Ah, Jinyoung! It’s so nice to see you up and about. Went for a morning jog, eh?”
Jinyoung nodded politely. “Ah, yes…”
“I’m sorry for barging in on you and your mother so early in the morning. I was hoping I could trouble you for some advice,” the old man admitted hesitantly. “You wouldn’t be able to spare a few minutes for me, would you? I would be really grateful.”
“Of course, Mr. Cha. What sort of advice?”
The old man looked a little embarrassed. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well, you turned out to be right about the little investment plan I told you about at your mother’s birthday party. The insider trading? My friend told me how illegal it was. Truth is, I have a little bit of money set aside after all my retirement expenses and I really want to find a good way to invest it.”
Jinyoung blinked and sat down across from the older man carefully. “Of course. There are lots of perfectly legal ways to invest your money and get good returns, Mr. Cha.”
“I was hoping you could give me a little advice.”
“It depends on what you want to do with the money,” Jinyoung explained patiently. “There are long terms investments; you’d get guaranteed returns at a steady rate but you wouldn’t be able to withdraw the money whenever you pleased, making it illiquid. On the contrary, there are smaller short-term ways to invest. Those are a little risky; you might get excellent returns but you could also end up losing money.”
Mr. Cha stared at him. “Did you just say liquid?”
Jinyoung chuckled. “Liquidity is how easily you can convert the investment back into cash. If you bought a house then it might take you a few months to sell it and get the money, so it’s not very liquid. If you invest in the share market, you can sell the shares any time you wish and get cash in your hands instantly.”
“Ah, see, I don’t know about all those things. I just put my money in the bank.”
“That’s sometimes a good idea and sometimes not. If you leave your money in the bank for a number of years and inflation is higher than the interest rate your deposit is earning then you’re losing money essentially,” Jinyoung explained. “Here; let me get a piece of paper and I’ll explain it to you. If over a period of ten years the value of the currency decreases by ten per cent but the rate of interest you’re earning in the back is only five per cent then-”
Mr. Cha cleared his throat and cut him off. “Son, I appreciate this but I don’t think I can take the math lesson at this age. My brain isn’t what it used to be, but I really want to set the money aside for my granddaughter’s college fund. Could you… do that for me? Handle the investment?
“You want me to do it for you?”
“If you don’t mind. I wouldn’t ask you if I thought you were too busy right now, but uh,” Mr. Cha rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish grin. “I’m sure the money doesn’t mean much to a rich young man like you, but you could charge a percentage as your fees and handle the investment on my behalf, couldn’t you? I trust you’ll put it in a safe place. I’m worried my muddled old brain will make mistakes. I can barely remember where the coffee cups are most mornings.”
Jinyoung stared at the old man in surprise. Nobody had ever asked him to handle their personal finances before. It seemed an odd request; but a perfectly reasonable one considering the older man wasn’t at an age where he could really begin to learn about finance.
Also, the fact that the old man was so willing to trust him somehow filled Jinyoung with a sense of warmth. He couldn’t help but smile.
“I can find you a good place to invest it, Mr. Cha, you don’t need to pay me anything.”
“No, no. If you’re good at something then you should never do it for free. Besides. What if you run off with my money, eh? I’m not that stupid,” the old man joked with a grin. “If I pay you then you’re technically my employee, and I can sue you if you run away.”
Jinyoung chuckled. “Agent, Mr. Cha. I’d be your agent authorized to handle some of your money, not really your employee.”
“You call yourself what you like, young man,” he replied. Mr. Cha leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Don’t tell the other neighbours, though. They’d all come running to ask you for investment advice and you wouldn’t have a moment’s peace in this town. They’re greedy dogs, the lot of them. Especially that Mr. Kang.”
“It’ll be our little secret,” Jinyoung promised with a smile.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Mondays were always unbearably long.
Most of the children were cranky and even after you managed to get rid of them at 3 pm, there was a huge pile of homework on your desk waiting to be corrected. There was no way you could finish marking the homework and planning your lessons for tomorrow unless you stayed back late. You gathered your belongings and went to sit in the teacher’s lounge. At least there, you could get a cup of coffee and hopefully a similarly disgruntled teacher to keep you company.
You chatted with Mrs. Kang about her marital problems while you skimmed through the addition sums the students had turned in. It had been hard to sleep; you’d spent all night thinking about Lee Jinah and whether she had Jinyoung had talked about anything else.
Had they decided to get married? Had she managed to convince Jinyoung overnight? Perhaps they had connected and realized how much both of them wanted the same life? All sorts of scenarios flashed through your mind and the numbers on the page in front of you danced. What if he really leaves? If he gets married and disappears from my life once more?
Perhaps it was for the best. Perhaps someone like Jinyoung was only meant to be a passing cloud for you.
You weren’t sure.
You wanted Jinyoung to be happy. You wanted him to stay, but more importantly you wanted him to want to stay and that was something beyond your control. You couldn’t influence his mind or his decisions. To do so would be dangerous. Jinyoung would have to make his mind up for himself.
Why was it still so agonizing?
Why did you still hope so much that he would choose to stay?
It was around half past four when you received a phone call.
“Hello?” you answered the unknown number casually.
“Hello, ma’am. I’m calling from the local hospital. Mr. Park Jinyoung was brought into the hospital via an ambulance a little while ago; he asked us to contact you instead of his registered emergency contact number. Would you be able to come down to the hospital-”
You felt your heart sink into your chest. “What? An ambulance? Why would he be- what happened?” you demanded. You felt dizzy and light-headed as you jumped to your feet. Oh god. Not a hospital. Not Jinyoung, no, no, no. “Is he okay? What’s wrong with him?”
“There’s no serious danger although he appears to have been in some sort of an accident. There are bruises and suspected broken bones. We’re sending him in for an x-ray now.”
You felt faint. “I-I’m on my way.”
--------------------------------------------------------
“Ah, yes; Room 303 on the third floor-”
You were sprinting your way through the hospital, heartbeat racing. You didn’t like hospitals. You hated them in fact. You had lost both of your parents in hospitals and had sincerely hoped that you wouldn’t have to come to one again for a very long time. Especially not in terrifying circumstances like this.
Fuck, why aren’t the room numbers in fucking order? You felt like you had passed by Room 302 a hundred times but you couldn’t find Room 303. You spun around in a wild panic until you finally spotted it all the way at the end of the corridor. You paused with your fingers on the handle and took a deep, calming breath. Part of you was terrified of what you would find on the other side but you could handle it. You would handle it.
It’s fine. The nurse on the phone said there was no serious danger. It’s fine.
Why were you still panicking?
You were just about to push the door open and enter the room when you heard it; a sound that you hadn’t heard in years. It sent a sudden warmth down your spine and your fingers on the handle went limp.
Park Jinyoung’s laughter.
Not his forced and reserved smile. Not the cunning little smirk he gave you when he was pleased with himself or the small chuckle he let out when he was embarrassed or found something cute. This was laughter of the unrestrained variety. Jinyoung’s real laugh was deep and loud, but it was also warm and intimate. Jinyoung’s laugh was honest.
It was one of the most beautiful sounds in the world and you hadn’t heard it in a decade.
You swallowed and carefully entered the room.
Jinyoung was lying on one of the many beds. The curtains were drawn around the surrounding cots but Jinyoung’s curtains were kept open. His arm was wrapped in a cast and sitting next to the bed was the familiar mushroom-hair head that unmistakably belonged to Ki-woo. Ki-woo said something cheerfully and Jinyoung laughed again; this time you saw the way the corners of his eyes crinkled handsomely and his lips spread across his face.
“Hi,” you greeted the oblivious pair.
Jinyoung’s eyes brightened as soon as he saw you. He opened his mouth to speak but before he could, Ki-woo had turned around and run up to you delightedly. “Miss! Miss, I brought Jinyoung-ahjussi here because he fell and I told the nurses to call you!”
You forced a smile down at Kiwoo. “Kiwoo, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you have gone home after school?”
Kiwoo hesitated. “I… I was playing with Jinyoung-ahjussi.”
“Can you wait outside for a few minutes, please? Just sit on one of the chairs in the corridor outside and I’ll come and get you as soon as I’m done talking to Jinyoung, okay?” you asked. It was getting hard for you to maintain your composure and you didn’t want the small boy to see you lose your cool. Kiwoo looked disappointed but he nodded and slouched out of the room.
Jinyoung blinked.
“Why did you send him out-”
“What the fuck happened? What’s going on?” you demanded.
Jinyoung laughed nervously and gestured to his wrapped up arm; there was also a white bandage taped to his chin. “Ah, yeah. The doctor just left. It’s a fractured wrist and a couple of minor bruises, no big deal. They said I could leave as soon as someone came to pick me up.”
“But how?”
Jinyoung rubbed the back of his neck. “Do you want the long story or the short story?” he wondered. Upon seeing your furious glare he cleared his throat. “Okay. I’ll give you the short story. I came by the school at around 3 pm to meet you but I ended up running into Kiwoo instead. We were playing around and, I, uh, I tried to climb the oak tree and I fell.”
You stared at him in disbelief.
“You did what?”
“Ki-woo kept making fun of me. He said I was old and that I probably couldn’t do it anymore and hey, I work out pretty often so I thought it wouldn’t be hard to defend my title as King of the Playground,” Jinyoung explained. His smile slowly turned into a grimace. “Anyway, the branch cracked under me and I fell.”
“That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard anyone say,” you snapped. You could feel the anger boiling in your stomach and making your head throb. All this had been because Park Jinyoung wanted to climb a fucking tree? “What sort of fully grown adult climbs a fucking tree to challenge a 7-year old? Are you out of your fucking mind, Park Jinyoung? Do you have any idea what it’s like to get a call from the hospital and have them tell you someone you love has just been brought there in an ambulance? Because I do and it’s the shittiest fucking feeling in the world so I swear to god, you need to come up with a better reason for having put me through that again!”
Jinyoung stared at you, eyes wide. The smile had disappeared from his face.
“I… I’m sorry.”
You glared at him. “No, you’re not. You’re a selfish, fucking idiot.”
Jinyoung opened his mouth to speak but before he could, a nurse came running over to you looking agitated. “Uh ma’am, I’m sorry but you can’t yell like that in here! Please behave like adults and maintain silence!”
You glared at her. “Isn’t there a doctor around here?”
“I can get one for you in a few minutes, ma’am, but you have to keep quiet.”
The nurse hurried away leaving you alone with Jinyoung again. Your anger had slowly melted and you saw that the happiness on Jinyoung’s face had disappeared. He looked guilty and he stretched his uninjured arm out towards you. His fingers wrapped around your wrist gently.
“Hey. Hey, are you okay? I’m sorry. I didn’t think that you would freak out, I told them to call you because I was worried my Mom would lose her mind.”
You frowned. “Yeah, she would. Thank god you didn’t call her.”
“Were you scared?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”
You bit your lip and nodded, ducking your head to blink back your tears. You had never been good with hospitals and seeing Jinyoung in one was still making your head spin. But there was no real danger and you forced yourself to calm down.
“It’s fine,” you admitted. You looked at him and let out a dry chuckle. “What the hell was going through your head, Jinyoung?”
“I… I don’t know. I was just having fun and I guess I forgot that I weight about three times what I did when I was seven,” he admitted nervously. “But you know what?”
“What?”
“It’s the most stupid, spontaneous thing I’ve done in years and I feel great.”
Jinyoung’s eyes were shining and you stared at him quietly. There was something different about him now. This wasn’t the same Park Jinyoung that had returned from Seoul looking like his life was about to end. He looked alive now, he looked happy. There was a spark in his eyes that you hadn’t seen since he’d come back here. There was a spark in his eyes that you hadn’t seen since high school, when he finally got accepted to the university of his dreams.
Why?
Is it because he’d decided to go back to Seoul with Jinah? Is he happy because he can finally go back to the life he wants?
You felt sick.
“I’m gonna go check on Ki-woo before the doctor gets here,” you mumbled.
Jinyoung nodded and bit his lip. “Hey. Don’t get mad at him. He’s a great kid. He panicked a little bit when I fell but he managed to run to the convenience store across the street and use the phone to call me an ambulance. That’s some amazing level-headedness for a kid his age.”
“Don’t worry. I know who the idiot here is and it’s not Ki-woo.”
Jinyoung smiled. “Okay.”
You went outside and found Kiwoo sitting silently on one of the waiting room chairs, dangling his legs off the seat. You approached him and sat next to him with a smile. “Hey, Ki-woo. Are you doing okay?”
Ki-woo nodded and bit his lip. “Jinyoung-ahjussi is going to be okay, right?”
“I haven’t talked to a Doctor yet but I’m sure he will be.”
“Are you mad, Miss?”
You smiled. “Not at you. You did really well today, Ki-woo. I’m glad you remembered how to call an ambulance when someone is hurt. You were really responsible and I’m very proud of you,” you reassured him gently. Kiwoo’s cheeks flushed and you could tell that he enjoyed the praise. He smiled for a moment and then he looked up at you with big, worried eyes.
“Are you mad at Jinyoung-ahjussi?”
“A little bit. Jinyoung-ahjussi didn’t behave very well, did he? He knew that he shouldn’t have climbed the tree.”
“But I pushed him to do it! It wasn’t his fault!”
“It was definitely his own fault,” you replied firmly. “He’s older than you and he should have known better. You don’t need to lie and cover for him, Ki-woo. Once I talk to a doctor then we can all go home today, okay? You must be very tired. Have you had anything to eat?”
Ki-woo shook his head.
You sighed and dug into your purse for some change. “Here. Go get yourself a snack from the vending machine and I’ll be back after talking to the doctor.”
Ki-woo beamed. “Can I have chocolate?”
“Yes, you can have chocolate.”
“Awesome!”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The bus ride home was quiet and awkward. Once you dropped Ki-woo off at the foster home and said goodbye, you and Jinyoung sat next to each other silently as the streets passed. You were only a few stops away from your apartment when Jinyoung suddenly turned to you.
“Can I crash at your place tonight?”
You stared at him. “Why?”
“Because my Mom obviously doesn’t know anything about this and considering how late it is, I don’t really want to walk into my house with a cast on my arm and bruises on my face,” Jinyoung admitted reluctantly. “She’s going to freak out if I tell her that I just came from the hospital. I’ll call her and explain the whole tree incident tomorrow morning.”
You bit your lip. “Fine.”
“You’re still mad at me, huh?”
“I’m trying not to be,” you replied firmly. You turned and looked at Jinyoung. Despite the cast on his arm and the various bruises on his face, his eyes were still sparkling. He looked happy. You felt something stir uncomfortably in your stomach. “Jinyoung. What happened to you? You’re acting weird.”
“Me?” he asked innocently.
“Yeah, you. Did you hit your head too hard? Do we need to go back to the hospital?”
Jinyoung smiled. “No.”
“Then what is it?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m just having fun. Is a guy not even allowed to have fun anymore? Do you know that I can’t even remember the last time I injured myself like this? Little injuries like this stops happening to you as an adult because you stop doing stupid things for the heck of it. I don’t remember the last time I did something without thinking about what purpose it serves.”
“There are ways to have fun without breaking your wrist.”
“Yeah, but I just wanted to climb that tree one more time,” Jinyoung admitted. He nudged you eagerly with a childish grin. “Hey. Did you know that if you reach the point of the tree where I carved my name in the first time, you can see directly into the teacher’s lounge? I saw you sitting in there today. I realized that’s how I got caught when we were six; Mrs. Lee must have looked out of the window and seen me right on top of the tree.”
“Fascinating,” you mumbled.
Jinyoung frowned. “Wow, you’re really mad.”
“Can we not talk about your climbing that tree? It’s giving me anxiety just thinking about it.”
“Okay.” Jinyoung bit his lip and glanced at you. “Let’s talk about something else. What’s the deal with Ki-woo? What’s his story?”
“Ki-woo?”
“Yeah, Ki-woo, the kid who treats me like I’m a super-hero. Why is he at the foster care home?”
Ki-woo’s story had been told to you by one of the social workers who came to drop him off at school and it broke your heart. “His mother is a drug addict,” you explained with a sigh. “He doesn’t have a father. She loves him a lot but she was declared unfit to be a mother and sent to a rehabilitation center two towns over when Ki-woo was four. He’s been in foster care ever since.”
Jinyoung blinked. “Oh.”
“He would have gotten adopted by now, being the sweet little kid he is, but his mother won’t hand over the adoption rights because she’s a mess but she won’t let go of him. He has to visit her twice a month, so they can’t let a family that lives too far away take him. That means he’s stuck at the foster home either until his mother recovers or until he turns 18.”
“That’s horrible,” Jinyoung mumbled.
“Yeah, that’s what life does to some people. Ki-woo really deals with it well,” you sighed.
“I guess sometimes we don’t realize how lucky we are.”
You nodded silently. You didn’t know what to say. Seeing kids like Ki-woo reminded you that you had a lot to be grateful for and that there was some innocence and good left in this world. He was an adorable child and you could tell from Jinyoung’s expression that he felt the same way. “It’s nice that you played with him,” you told Jinyoung quietly. “He doesn’t have a lot of friends.”
Jinyoung nodded. “He’s great.”
“He is.”
Jinyoung let out a soft, contented sigh and turned to face the window. His eyes were shining as he watched the buildings pass by. His soft lips were twisted into a gentle smile. There was something relaxed and carefree about Jinyoung. You couldn’t understand it. You took a deep breath and opened your mouth to prod him further.
“Jinyoung, do you-”
“Have you ever felt like the fog just suddenly cleared out of your life?” Jinyoung asked suddenly. He turned to you. “Like… everything was just muddled and you didn’t really know which way to go so you kept going in circles but suddenly everything cleared and you can see to the end of the road?”
You swallowed. “Uh, no.”
“I feel like that right now. I don’t know what triggered it,” Jinyoung explained. His voice was rising excitedly. “But then again, nothing ever triggers these things. It just happens, you know? Something tips you over and suddenly you get this new clarity. Like you know what you want. I think I know what I want. For the first time, I feel like I can see how my life is going to go over the next couple of years and I want it to go that way.”
“O-oh.”
“It feels great.”
You forced a smile at him. Don’t know what triggered it? Perhaps Jinyoung didn’t know what triggered it but you had no doubts. It had been Jin-ah and her marriage proposal. Her arrival had cleared a new path in Jinyoung’s life. He had finally found a way to go back to Seoul and do what he loved to do best. He had found a way back out of this stifling town and to the life of luxury he craved.
You would have been delighted too.
“That’s great,” you whispered. “If that’s true then I’m really happy for you, Jinyoung.”
“Hey; it’s our stop!”
You hadn’t noticed that the bus had stopped. Both of you had to hurry to get off in time and Jinyoung chuckled when he saw how flushed you looked. “Come on, let’s go. Have you had dinner? What are we going to have for dinner?”
“I… I don’t know. I probably have some groceries. I can cook.”
Jinyoung grinned and threw his uninjured arm around your shoulder. “Great, I love your cooking.”
-----------------------------------------------
Jinyoung wouldn’t stop talking the entire time you were in the kitchen. He was largely useless with his cast but he climbed up onto the kitchen counter and dangled his legs off it while he watched you chop vegetables. You couldn’t even remember why he was here and why didn’t just go to his own home, but you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him to leave.
“Do you like having me around?” Jinyoung wondered.
You raised an eyebrow at him as you chopped the onions. “What kind of stupid question is that? Of course I like having you around.”
“I’m kind of a pain sometimes, though, right?” he asked doubtfully. He had picked up an apple from your fruit basket with his uninjured hand and took a huge bite out of it. “Like, I’ve been depending on you a lot. Emotionally, I mean. That doesn’t annoy you?”
You put your knife down and frowned. “Did you wash that?”
Jinyoung blinked at the apple. “No.”
“That is so dirty, Jinyoung.”
“So wash it for me. I’m injured,” he pouted, handing the apple to you. You sighed and took it from him. Jinyoung’s eyes followed you around the kitchen as you washed it. “You’re not answering my question. I’ve been depending on you a lot these days. Am I being too needy? I feel like this is a one-way street.”
You frowned. “It’s not.”
“It kind of is, though. You never tell me anything.”
“What have I not told you?”
“A lot of things,” Jinyoung replied firmly as you returned the washed apple to him. “You didn’t tell me about the money for your mother’s hospital bills, you didn’t tell me about wanted to go to medical school. I used to think that I was this amazing friend to you but now I realize that I mostly just leech off you and give you nothing in return. Emotionally,” he added before you could open your mouth. “I’m not talking about the money. Anyone would have given you the money.”
You didn’t know what to say. You took a deep breath and resumed cutting the vegetables. “I don’t know what to tell you, Jinyoung. It really sucks that you left for a decade but I guess I don’t really need anyone to emotionally depend on right now.”
Jinyoung was quiet for a moment. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
“So it doesn’t make much of a difference to you whether I’m around or not?” he asked. “You don’t really care if I stay here or I leave, is that it?”
Your shoulders stiffened. Was this it? Was he preparing to tell you that he was going to marry Jin-ah and go back to Seoul? You took a deep breath. You hated hearing that Jinyoung was thinking about leaving and you hated listening to him talk about things like this. But he had been so happy all day. He had been shining and laughing and all that was because he was finally thinking about going back to Seoul and working for the Lees, right?
How could you rain on his parade because of your stupid feelings?
“I guess it doesn’t matter that much,” you muttered.
Jinyoung jumped down from the counter and stepped closer to you. “You know why I’m asking, right? I’m trying to make up my mind as to whether I should accept Jin-ah’s proposal.”
You bit your lip. “Right.”
“Honestly, there’s nothing really stopping me from taking it up, you know? Jin-ah’s ready to marry me in a heartbeat. All her other options are old men. And her father loves me. He would hand me his entire company in a second. I could even take my parents to Seoul with me. So I mean, honestly… from my perspective right now there seem to be more reasons to leave than to stay.”
“Right,” you whispered. You felt your heart sink into your stomach. Right, of course, he’s going to leave, why would anybody in their right mind stay in a place like this with someone like me when he could be living the life of luxury with Lee Jinah-
“Can you think of a reason I should stay?” Jinyoung pressed. He was standing close behind you now and you could feel him hovering over your shoulder. You kept your eyes on the onions; surely the tears welling up in your eyes were due to the onion juice. Jinyoung’s warm hand landed on your shoulder. “Any reason? Maybe somebody who might be hurt if I decided to leave?”
You were trembling.
“I-I don’t know. If you want to marry Jin-ah then you should marry her, why are you worried about other people?” you muttered.
“Because sometimes people don’t always tell you everything.”
“Then that’s their problem.”
“Is it?”
You nodded. Jinyoung was so close behind you that you could hear him breathing. His free hand came up and gently tugged on a lock of your hair that had escaped. Fuck. He was far too close and your heartbeat was thudding.
“So if you can’t think of anyone who needs me,” Jinyoung whispered, his hot breath tickling your neck. “Or who wants me around or would miss me… then I should just call Jin-ah right now and tell her to go ahead with the engagement. Shouldn’t I?”
Your mind felt numb. “Y-yeah.”
“Are you sure?” you heard a crinkling of paper behind you as Jinyoung shoved his hand into his pocket. “Because Jinah left me her number before she went back to Seoul. I was supposed to call her as soon as I made up my mind. I could just call her and tell her to go ahead and announce the engagement, right?”
“You could.”
“Can I borrow your phone?”
You flinched. “Now?”
“Yeah. I don’t see what the point is in delaying something like this. I’ll call her now.”
“I-It’s on the dining table in my purse.”
You heard Jinyoung’s footsteps move away from you and towards the dining table. You sneaked a glance at him; he really had a piece of paper in his hand and was digging through your purse for your cell phone. You stared at him as he finally found it and opened it with a smile, starting to enter the number from the paper into the dialpad.
Your heart clenched.
Fuck, this is really happening. He came here and made me fall in love with him again and now he’s just leaving like it never happened. Your grip on the knife tightened. You wanted to run to Jinyoung and tell him not to call that girl, you wanted to wrap your arms around him and tell him that you needed him to stay here with you. But he looked so happy. How could you take that away from him? How could you be responsible for asking him to give up his dreams? What sort of horrible person would do that?
No. No, you couldn’t.
Sometimes truly loving someone meant doing what made them happy, even if it hurt you.
Jinyoung lifted the phone to his ear, his eyes darting towards you briefly. You watched as he waited for it to ring and then his expression brightened.
“Hello? Jinah, is that-”
A searing pain shot through your finger.
Shit. You had just sliced the length of your index finger and blood was seeping out onto the cutting board. You gasped at the sight of it. Feeling dizzy, you dropped the knife on the floor and ran to the bathroom. Ignoring Jinyoung, you slammed the door shut behind you and stuck your finger under the running tap water. The blood wouldn’t stop; you grabbed a wad of toilet paper and pressed it against the cut to stop the flow.
Oh god, I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore.
You let go of the toilet paper and leaned against the sink. Sobs were racking your chest. It felt like someone had wrenched out your heart and thrown it on the ground in front of you. Losing Jinyoung once had been painful enough but losing him the second time was unbearable. Why had you let yourself fall in love with a man like him? He would never want to stay with you, his eyes would always be on some bigger prize.
You would never be enough for Park Jinyoung.
There was a banging on the door. “Hey! Are you okay? Open up!” Jinyoung insisted. His voice sounded panicked but there was nothing you could do. The reality of your situation had sunk in too deep. You felt so pathetic. You felt small and worthless and alone.
Fuck, fuck, why can’t I stop crying?
Jinyoung grabbed the handle and yanked the door open. He froze in his tracks when he saw you; leaning against the sink with one hand bleeding and your entire body shaking from the sobs. Within seconds, Jinyoung had pulled you to his chest and wrapped his uninjured arm around you tightly. His hand stroked you back hurriedly.
“Shhh, shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he whipered hurriedly. He held you to his chest tightly and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “Listen to me. It’s fine. I’m not calling Jin-ah. Okay? I never was. Look; I don’t even have her number, this is my bus ticket from earlier, I was just trying to get to you. Fuck. Fuck, why do you do this to yourself?”
You didn’t know what to say. You fisted your hands into Jinyoung’s shirt and sobbed harder against his shoulder. Jinyoung sighed and kissed your hair again.
“God. Is it that hard? Is it really that hard for you to say those words to me? Because that’s all I want from you, love. I want you to stay with me, Jinyoung. Can you just say that to me? Please?” he begged. “Can you just tell me honestly whether you want me?”
“B-but… you-you want to go back-”
Jinyoung stepped back and grabbed your chin to make you look at him. When he stared at you, his eyes were red and his lips were pressed together in a tight line. His expression scared you.
“Fuck that. Fuck what I want. I’m a grown man, I can figure that out for myself. I need to know what you want. For once in your fucking life I want you to not give a fuck about my happiness and tell me, in the most selfish way you can, that you want me to stay. Tell me that you need me. Say it.”
“I-I can’t-”
“Say it, or I’m leaving and I won’t pretend this time,” he snapped. His eyes were filled with anger. “Say it so help me god, I will take the next fucking train back to Seoul and never come back here. Do you want me to do that?”
“N-no,” you whispered, trembling. I don’t want to hold you back, I don’t want to be the reason you’re unhappy-
Jinyoung dropped his hand. He looked broken. “Is that it? You’re not going to say it?”
“I-”
“Fuck this, I’m leaving.”
No. No, Not again. Something inside of you lost control and you grabbed Jinyoung’s shirt, pulling him back before he could turn away from you. You threw your arms around him. You couldn’t fight this anymore. It was eating you alive from inside and there was only so much you could take before you cracked.
“Don’t go,” you sobbed. “No, don’t go, please don’t go.”
Jinyoung relaxed. “Really? Are you sure?”
You nodded against his chest as you felt a terrible weight lift off your shoulders. You couldn’t bear to see Jinyoung walk away from you. You couldn’t lose him again and spend the rest of your life alone, knowing that this time it was your fault. You couldn’t lose him a second time. You couldn’t.
“I’m sure,” you choked out. “Stay. Please.”
“I’m staying because you want me to,” Jinyoung reminded you softly. His arms wrapped around you again and he gently caressed your back. His pressed his face into your neck and you could feel his own tears against your skin. “Remember that. I’m staying because you want me to stay. I-I’m staying because you want me. You know that, right? You need me.”
You nodded silently. “Yeah.”
“Say it again.”
“I need you,” you whispered.
Park Jinyoung took a deep breath and wrapped his arm around you tightly as he closed his eyes. He didn’t want to let go. He had to have you in his arms and feel the one thing that he realized he had been craving ever since the moment he came back to this small town. He didn’t want to be a charity case. He didn’t want you to look at him the way you looked at something that you took pity on. He didn’t want to be something you took care of because you were simply that kind.
He wanted you to need him as much as he needed you.
And for the first time, Jinyoung felt like he had a place in your pure heart.
He doubted that any achievement in his life would ever top this one.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was difficult to wrap up your finger considering that you only possessed one working hand each, but you managed to make it stop bleeding and wrap it up tightly. Jinyoung kneeled in front of you as you sat on the couch and secured the bandage around your finger.
“I feel like I should make a joke about us both hurting ourselves,” Jinyoung muttered. “But it’s not really coming to me right now.”
You nodded, letting out a small hiccup. “Oh.”
Jinyoung looked up at you. It had taken a while to calm your sobbing and even now that it was over, you kept hiccuping. It was adorable and Jinyoung’s eyes sparkled as he stared into your red eyes. He brushed his thumb over your flushed cheek. “Hey. Do you want some water?”
You shook your head. “I-I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
You nodded silently.
“I’m sorry I threatened to leave,” he whispered. His fingers slowly traced your cheek and gently cupped your face. He took a deep breath and then forced a smile. “I thought pretending to call Jin-ah might make you a little jealous and force you to admit that you wanted me, but you’re a tougher nut to crack than I imagined.”
You gave him a watery smile. “I feel like an idiot.”
“You’re not,” he told you. “You’re a beautiful person. Because I know that you kept your feelings bottled inside trying to make me happy. And I don’t know anybody else who would sacrifice so much for another person’s happiness. You’re that selfless and beautiful. You always have been. But I couldn’t keep watching you hurt yourself.”
You hiccuped and looked down at your hands. “I-I wouldn’t do it for just anyone.”
“Oh?”
“Only… only for someone I love.”
Jinyoung’s lips broke into a soft smile and he moved closer to you. Your heartbeat raced when his hands slid into your hair and pulled your face down towards his. “Oh? You mentioned something like that earlier in the hospital, too. Something about getting a phone call about someone you loved.”
You flushed.
“I-”
“Fuck, baby, I love you too. So much, you have no idea.”
His lips pressed against yours softly. Your heart nearly exploded in your chest as Jinyoung kissed you with all the passion that you’d both been holding back. It was sweet and loving and beautiful, but you could also feel his desperation in the way his lips tugged at yours. Jinyoung needed you. He needed your kiss and he needed your touch so badly.
“Jinyoung-” you whispered against his lips.
He gently sucked your bottom lip in between his and kissed you harder, moving his body in between your legs as his fingers entangled in your hair. “What?” he mumbled against your mouth. He was out of breath but your lips tasted too sweet. Jinyoung kept kissing you harder and more passionately, not letting you speak.
“Isn’t-isn’t this too fast?” you mumbled.
Jinyoung let out a chuckle; a low, deep chuckle that made your entire body tingle before his lips traced down your jawline slowly. “Too fast?” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the underside of your jaw and letting his tongue trace over it. “It’s been ten years since I first wanted to do this to you. Aren’t we going too slow?”
You had no response.
“I don’t- I don’t really…”
“Fuck,” Jinyoung stopped kissing you and pulled away for a moment. His lips were swollen and his eyes sparkled like diamonds as he looked up at you. Under his gaze, you felt like the most beautiful person in the world. “You’re right, we shouldn’t rush into this. I don’t want to mess it up. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”
“What’s the wrong idea?” you wondered.
“Any idea that suggests that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you is the wrong idea. But I don’t want to scare you. I’m already on my second chance here, I’m not going to fuck it up. Let’s take things slowly. Let’s try dating.”
You couldn’t help but give him a soft smile. Something inside your chest fluttered.
“Really? You really think we should date?”
Jinyoung chuckled. “Oh, yeah. I didn’t tell you, did I? I’m not unemployed anymore. So there’s no need to give me that look. I finally found myself a job.”
“A job? Here, in town?”
“Yup. Does that make me more attractive?”
“Marginally.”
Jinyoung chuckled and kissed you sweetly. “Good, because I don’t want to be the unemployed bum of a boyfriend. I promise I’ll do everything right.”
You couldn’t help but giggle. “Unemployed bum is the last phrase I would use to describe you.”
“Really? Even if I brought that old black hoodie out again?”
“Please don’t.”
Jinyoung chuckled and wrapped his arms around you tightly. You giggled against the soft skin of his neck as he spoke. “I promise I won’t. I won’t fuck this up. This is too important to me. I’m going to make up for all the pain I caused you, and I’m going to show you that you can trust me again. Is that okay?”
You nodded.
“That sounds nice,” you whispered.
“Great.”
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