Baldur’s Gate 3 - 11/? - Palmarosa - Astarion/Raphael

Title: Palmarosa Rating: Explicit Pairing: Astarion/Raphael Tags: (Check AO3 for the full list) Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Deals with a devil, Contracted sexual slavery, Bad BDSM etiquette, PTSD, Communication issues, Flashbacks, Trauma recovery and Retraumatisation, Dark and disturbing themes, Blood consumption, Minor character death, Canon typical violence, Dominance/submission, Top Raphael, Bottom Astarion etc.

Summary: (Set post-game / end-game) The love of Astarion’s life has disappeared to go live in the daylight with the druids, and Astarion is stuck in the darkness once more, yearning for sunlight with every fibre of his being, while bitterly reflecting on all the things that were denied to him in the end - love, sunlight, the option to kill thousands of people and become a near-god…

Raphael knows Astarion’s desperate, and comes to him with not one, but two horrid contract offers that Astarion loathes and dreads in equal measure - but the prize at the end of both are too good to turn down, and he’s become too cynical to care about how much of a good idea it is to give his body to a devil for a month or two, because really, comparatively, how bad could it be?

Palmarosa (Baldur’s Gate 3) - Raphael/Astarion - 11 - Orange Blossoms and Sandalwood

In which Raphael treats Astarion to dinner, and a little pornographic theatre, and finally closes in on his slow seduction with rather more success than he's had so far.

My take on the Bayverse Boys MOB!AU

Greetings from the woods!

This is something I’ve been working on for a while but always been unsure on posting. However, I’ve recently understood that we only live once so, why not try this?

Might become a series later on, who knows?

GENERAL

I am taking HUGE inspiration from Jade City and Six of Crows for this part, so stay with me on this.

- I’m team lab experiment. In my view it could very well be kept the way the movie has portrayed them. So, let’s begin with the principle.

- While I can see the turtles being hatched in the lab, I think Splinter wasn’t born there, but rather in a sort of pet shop but his reminiscence on that period in his life has always been kind of blurry. The only thing he remembers is that he was quite old by the time he was bought by a little girl named April and his father, becoming her pet. April has always been loving and careful with Splinter, and that he would always remember.

- At some point April’s father decided to start using Splinter for some of his experiments and that, once more, has been quite a blurry period in the rat’s life.

- The whole ordeal with the lab basically follows the bay!movies quite religiously until a certain point.

- One night, the four brothers ran out of the lair out of curiosity. It was on Halloween, the perfect night for them to get a glimpse of the outer world before being forced back into the sewers. Once out for what should have just been a small stroll out of their home, they all started to find new attraction for the world. The lights, the smells, the taste of the world above the surface was all too much for such small and inexperienced boys; but the most interesting attraction they found was a parade, the classic type you could find in the streets every mystical night of the year, with performers moving from one side to the other of the street. The boys ended up becoming part of it before even realising it. It could have been the best night of their lives, but none of the four boys knew that night would become their turning point.

- But it didn't take much for people to notice that they weren't children in costumes.

- the moment people understood, the boys were assaulted and it took all their willpower and strenght to get out of that situation, crawling back to the lair in tears and with bruises everywhere.

- the worse of them was Raphael, who someone had hit with a broken bottle, leaving a wound on the side of his face. He now has a scar, reminding him of that night.

- Of course, Splinter was furious for his sons' insubordination.

- he gave all four of them a different punishment, something he called the HASHI.

- But the thing is that Splinter learnt quite fast that he and his sons will never be accepted in the world, so he needed to find a way to ensure that, to some degree, his sons would be able to defend themselves. Did he find a book on martial arts in the sewers while sweeping the floor? Absolutely not.

- See, I like to think he came in contact with the Foot Clan by accident, in particular with Shredder.

- Let's say that the man was surveyign some of his men's activity down the docks and walked into splinter gathering food for his sons and himself.

- The man was flabbergasted.

- Now, Shredder isn's stupid. He knew about the experiements Sacks was making in the lab and, seeing a giant rat running around the docks, it doesn't take much for him to put 2 and 2 together.

- So he decides to take that opportunity.

- He approaches Splinter and the two -although with some reluctance on Splinter's side for obvious reasons- start talking.

- Splinter sees right then and there the chance to make himself and his sons not only able to fend themselves, but also a way not to live forever in the sewers.

- It takes a while for him to take a decision but he eventually sides with Shredder, joining the Foot Clan and learning from the man how to deal with a business.

- In a certain way, it was Shredder that introduced Splinter to the world of business.

- He also made sure Splinter and the turtles learnt martial arts

- Shredder is a patient man, after all, he will take what he wants, but he'll make sure that it will be done on his own terms, according to his needs.

- Splinter quickly rises in the organisation, becoming Shredder's collaborator. The old rat would go as far as to say he was friends with the man, much like the 2012 series,

- But I wouldn't be here to tell you this story if it had all ended well, right?

- Splinter finds out about Shredder true plans thanks to Donatello, who had learnt to hack into any computer and database. At first the boy had not understood, after all he had been little more than a hatchling back when he, his borthers and his father had been experimented on.

- but once he shows the rusults of his research to Splinter, boy, the rat is FURIOUS.

- cue fall out with Shredder (that is way too long to write about, but I will in the future. Maybe)

- After that Splinter splits from Shredder.

- His methods, quite different from the leader of the Foot Clan, made many men inside the organisation change their minds and side with him instead than with Shredder.

- So he quickly created his own business, always antagonising Shredder and the Foot.

- Splinter's whole persona changed after that betrayal, he doesn't trust anyone else after that.

- Apart from his sons and April, who he had met once more and with whom he has rebuilt a strong friendship, sometimes even referring to her as the daughter he never had.

- He led the organisation until a certain point before being assassinated by the Foot Clan.

- In his will, he had appointed Leonardo as his heir and successor, which wasn't very unexpected, but in truth the business has been somehow divided between the four brothers, in order to avoid any kind of bad blood between the four brothers.

Leonardo

You’ll never be half the man Splinter was.

- Leo was 15 when Splinter and Shredder had their fall out, at present he's 25 and main Head to the business since the moment Splinter died.

- He was actually the one who _found_ him dead in his office, and he still has nightmares about it.

- He has severe confidence problems because he thinks he'll never live up to the expectations that have been forced upon him, and if someone brings up his father in front of him, he WILL take it as a personal attack.

- His brothers secretly all think he has had it easier because he has always been Splinter's favourite,

- spoiler alert: he hasn’t.

- He had to set the example, being the one the others would look up to, he needed to be a second parent for his siblings, which sometimes led him to act like a dick to each one of them.

- Also, I don't think people point this out enough, but the man has an OCD so terrible he might go insane any moment if something isn't exactly as he wants it to be or if something goes in an unexpected way.

- In his mind, tho, outside he’s perfectly calm and collected.

- He's also the one who will opt for violence as a last resort, because killing isn't really his cup of tea, actually: it's too messy and he doesn’t like the dirty feeling he gets. Like, if a drop of blood falls on his jacket he'll be pissed. He much prefers leaving the reins to Raphael when it comes to it.

- What he DOES do is giving the order. There is nothing in the organisation that happens without his say so.

- Did I mention that he's a control freak?

- Literally nobody moves until he gives his command on an operation, whatever that is.

- He's also kind of spoiled, and he's not used to being told 'no.' He gets what he wants. End of story. And that applies to relationships too.

- Now, listen. He's lowkey the second-top-tear-gangsta-boyfriends, but he will always pick his family over anything or anyone. That is not up for discussions. You okay with it? great. You're not? the door's that way.

- That doesn't mean he doesn’t love, tho.

- I can see him having very few relationships in the past, all of them very serious ones, but he tries his best never to get his s/o into the business, because he knows things will get risky.

- After Splinter's death, he has cut off all ties.

- He can't, for the love of him, fall in love after that. Casual fuck? sure, why not. But love is off the table, because he knows that if he finds himself in the same situation he had been when he had found Splinter's corpse... Let's say that his mental state will only get worse.

Raphael

My kind of rebirth tasted like blood.

- Raphael just turned 25 rn, and while he and Leo can and will most likely bang their heads together in multiple occasions, he doesn’t mind that his brother is the actual lead of the business.

- ⁠He just cares to be respected and to be recognized as important in the business.

- ⁠He’s responsible for the dealing of weapons and in charge of taking care of the subjects that Leo thinks is right to eliminate for the wellbeing of the business

- ⁠Raphael used to have a very conflicted relationship with splinter, being the rebellious child that he is; but when his father died, Raphael developed severe depression and has been on meds for a few years.

- ⁠If you name his father, he’ll probably need to start therapy all over again, so please don’t do it.

- ⁠Anger issues stayed tho, and if anything, they worsened instead of getting better.

- ⁠He argues a lot with Leo when it comes to take action because diplomacy can’t be the solution to everything, sometimes you have to show that you’re stronger than others.

- ⁠But sometimes he takes things a bit too personally

- ⁠like that time when someone cheated on his brother and he wanted to hang them out the headquarters and kill the bastard who they cheated with in the worse way possible.

- ⁠he was told off, but he still managed to get the two involved in a severe accident and send them both to the hospital.

- ⁠did I mention that he’s fiercely loyal?

- ⁠Among his brothers, this man probably would rather die than betray his family.

- ⁠Does that include his s/o? it depends.

- ⁠If it comes down to choosing between his s/o or his family, meh…

- ⁠Blood runs thicker than water.

- ⁠He’s a passionate lover, always present when he needs to be, but it’s most likely that he will have jealous outbursts more times than he’s had breakfast.

- ⁠Fact is, he loves. A lot. He’s like a match burning. So either you understand that, and you burn forever, or he’s going to burn too quickly and the relationship dies.

- ⁠Now, everyone says that he’s in a toxic relationship

- ⁠I think so too, but not in the same way.

- ⁠I can see him being with this girl for something like a month or two and then problems starting.

- ⁠The thing is that this relationship at this point is hanging by a thread

- ⁠a very strong one, actually.

- ⁠They have a daughter.

- ⁠Raphael is the only one between his brothers to have a child (a legitimate one, at least), and he will kill for his daughter.

- ⁠Also, the child was born before Splinter died, and against all odds, he was happy to become grandfather.

- ⁠I think that’s important to mention that it’s extremely hard to have children with a mutant, so ofc everyone was happy

- ⁠but now he needs to figure out his relationship with the mother of his child

Donatello

Suffering feels religious if you do it right.

- Donnie has just turned 25 but his back feels like he’s 65

- ⁠Is actually the one who’s most mad about the succession after Splinter’s death and still feels kind of bitter over it

- ⁠responsible for the IS and trafficking of all sorts of information across the organisation and outside of it.

- ⁠Expert in hacking but also cyber security so he knows how to attack and defend on computing level

- ⁠has contacts all across the globe and can’t be bothered by anyone

- ⁠he suffer from severe anxiety but tries his best to keep it under control, no matter the amount of meds or weed that he consumes

- ⁠But still he will drink more coffee than water

- ⁠He also suffers from severe insomnia (same mate) and honestly? he can’t be bothered about it. (his brothers are trying to make him start an healthy sleeping schedule, tho)

- ⁠He had the most fucked up relationship with splinter and he grew up either being ignored or being mistreated, and that only made him lose more of his sanity than his life already had

- ⁠apart from Leo, with whom he has quite a conflicted relationship at times, he’s in good terms with Mikey and Raph, especially the latter since they are the “middle twins”

- ⁠Donnie is also in charge of the interrogations and torture (if it ever comes to it), but he’s very efficient at both

- ⁠As I said, everyone in the family has a twisted mind but he’s kind of the worse

- ⁠because he’s grown to be very reclusive of his feelings and so he has to let them out in some kind of way, right?

- ⁠Most of all, tho, he worries about the strategical and logical overview of the business and, even though he’s not in the best terms with Leo, he still is his right hand in making decisions that are pivotal to the organisation.

- ⁠Remember when I said that Leo is a control freak? this man too

- ⁠He also has a tendency to be pessimistic and paranoid so he has cams everywhere that he uses to make sure everything is good and all right.

- ⁠Will also do the same in relationships

- ⁠he has very low self esteem so he’ll never believe to be good enough for someone and that his s/o will cheat on him first chance they get

- ⁠so he takes precautions

- ⁠I can also see him being very hard to open up. He’s not shy, he’s just very hard to make him trust someone. He’ll think they want to try to get to him out of something they want and not because they’re really interested in him

- ⁠but when you do manage to get inside his ‘inner circle’ (it might take some time) he’s never going to let you go, be aware of that

- ⁠Still, the same drill applies to him too: will he ever choose his s/o over his family? unlikely.

- ⁠He’s not in a relationship at the moment but he doesn’t mind, he’s way too busy with work and with making sure his brothers stay out of trouble

- 100% has a scheming face (quoting Kaz Brekker)

Michelangelo

This darkness is my light.

- the baby of the family, how adorable

- ⁠He’s 24 and might as well be the one people underestimate the most

- ⁠He’s in charge of the communication department, and this man is good at what he does. Moves around the internal and external communication like a pro and he’s the top person you want to talk to when you have a problem

- ⁠except when he’s not in the right mood.

- ⁠This man can change his behavior in a matter of moments. Might be kind and smiling one moment and the next he’s going to hit someone with a hammer

- ⁠You have to pray he’s in a good mood if you ever want to ask him something

- ⁠The only one who can actually restrain his behavior is Leo. Mikey won’t listen to anyone but him and if you talk shit about his older brother he’s gonna throw fists.

- ⁠Don’t ever say anything bad about his family. He will hunt you down and make you regret your life choices.

- ⁠He’s the most loyal of his brothers. He will choose his family over and over again and there’s no way someone can make change his mind, no sir.

- ⁠He’s devoted to his family and yes, maybe he could make a few mistakes because he’s chatty most of the time, but he’ll make sure to fix everything to protect his brothers

- ⁠also he’s very protective

- ⁠He has ADHD and a dissociative personality disorder.

- ⁠He’s currently going to therapy but it’s not really helping, at least, that’s what he says

- he also likes gambling, he think he’s some kind of god of gamble. Legit.

-Has 100% played russian roulette or the knife game at least once

- ⁠He had a strange relationship with Splinter.

- ⁠His father loved him, and being the little one of the family clearly made him more in need of reassurance and affection, especially from his father

- ⁠But he also was overlooked quite a lot, at least by Splinter

- ⁠hence Leo becoming a sort of second father figure to him

- ⁠So while Leo is daddy’s boy, Mikey is his brothers’ boy

- ⁠Hence him being very protective of his older brothers

- ⁠Mikey has a lot of friends, like, A LOT.

- ⁠he knows how to read people and he knows how to manipulate them in the best way

- ⁠Be ready because this man takes pride in how well he can terrify someone or make them love him

- ⁠as about relationships,

- he suffers from erotomania (a form of delusional disorder in which an individual believes that another person is in love with them), so he’s being deluded one too many times but he’s had a bit of practice.

- ⁠He falls in love easily and hard, so he happens to often find his heartbroken because he can’t tell when someone is after him or after his money

- ⁠hence his brothers trying to teach him how to understand when someone is genuine or not

- ⁠he’s still learning

Nooo it's completely fine if you dont write things you don't like or simply don't want im sorry I didn't want to come of as rude or pressuring

But since its ok to share ideas with you how about this:

You know the night where mizora comes to punish wyll and tav decides to just attack her because they care too much for their companions. And I'd guess that mizora is quiet powerful since she's a devil so before mizora strikes tav down, raphael just pops up and protects tav by letting mizora punish wyll and holding tav down so that they don't get hurt by mizora.

I'd actually like it more if raphael just destroys the contract and kills mizora but since he himself is a devil and he doesn't have the crown yet he has to hold back. That's why tav is so mad at him that he promises her that he will make her pay and then he hugs tav and reassurs them that he'll take care of it and perhaps tavs so frustrated of the fact that raphael just held them down so that at first their too angry with him to talk

Sjskskksiaja sorry for dumping this idea on you and I hope it's understandable since English isn't my first language haha

Have a nice day 🌻

I think I mangled the promt somewhat, @shyminnie07 . here's hoping you still like it. 😅

Paying Forward on AO3

When Mizora comes to punish Wyll for letting Karlach live, Tav intervenes. It doesn't go well and they need (and get) a little help from another cambion…

Camp was quiet and Tav watched the fire burn down. They forced their thoughts to follow suit, slowing and mellowing. The last days had been a whirlwind with nary a moment to breathe. Now, with their new friends retreating for the night, the evening stilled and a cool wind brushed over Tav's burning mind soothingly.

They tried not to think about what lay ahead. Tomorrow came anyway. Better to make use of the break while they could. The moment felt like a drop of quiet sandwiched in between two maelstroms.

"Oh no." Wyll's voice came from across camp. "She's coming."

His worried tone urged Tav into action. They grabbed their gear and hurried towards their companion. "Who is coming?" They snapped the last bits of armour into place. "What is happening?"

"My patron," Wyll replied and took hold of Tav's arm. "She won't be happy we spared Karlach."

"She can't have her." Tav's grip tightened around their war hammer. "Or you. She'll have to go through me."

"She's a devil, Tav! Don't get yourself killed on my behalf."

Tav didn't say that getting killed in the line of duty sounded pretty sweet. They'd have done their part and died blameless. Compared to the mess of life, it didn't sound like a bad deal. But before Tav managed to say something stupid, the oily blackness announcing hellfire pooled on the ground before them. Fire shot up and revealed the shapely form of a female devil. Uh oh.

Don't get distracted! Tav told themself to a little avail. The devil knew she was gorgeous and accented all her best features accordingly. Not getting distracted was a quest unto itself and one Tav felt themself losing.

"Wyll," the devil purred in a tone Tav felt not only in their bones. "You've been naughty. And you know what happens when you're naughty."

"And who the fuck are you?" Tav asked just before remembering Wyll said the devil was his patron. Well, patron wasn't a name.

"Call me Mizora," she answered, the disdain for Tav's crude choice of words audible. "I'm Wyll's patron, the fount of his power. My pet's been unruly. And his leash needs a yank."

The devil stretched out a hand, pulled at the air and Wyll stumbled forward as if an actual leash held him around his neck.

"Leave him be!" Tav stepped between the two and felt the invisible leash cut through their chest.

"Wyll and I had a deal." Mizora scanned Tav dismissively. "But Karlach is still breathing."

"You told me devil's only," Wyll spoke up. "She's a tiefling. Not a monster."

"How precious." The devil was unimpressed. "The little pupster's found its bark. Clause G, Section Nine: 'Targets shall be limited to the infernal, the demonic, the heartless and the soulless.' Karlach meets the criteria, pet. Trust me on this."

"I said, leave him alone," Tav repeated and readied their weapon.

"He broke his contract. I am not at fault here."

"Your wording is vague." Tav held their position. "You could have been lenient, but chose not to. I take offence to that."

"And what do you plan to do?" Cold, calculating eyes settled on Tav.

"Wyll won't have to worry about his contract if there is no devil he's beholden to."

"Don't be a fool. What do you think will happen to his powers?" Mizora laughed.

"Wyll is more than his powers," Tav spat. "And he can find a new patron should he want one."

"After you attacked me for not liking the terms of his current contract?" The devil scoffed. "I think not."

But Tav thought back to the devil they met, almost eager to to excite them into a deal. And from the corner of their eye, the paladin spotted the small shadow of Raphael's warlock lurking in the night just outside the camp again. He had his eyes on them. He was an option. Tav shifted their weight back, weighing the war hammer in their hands.

"Tav!" Wyll cautioned, but to no avail.

"Get out of my camp." Tav raised their war hammer. "Now!"

When Mizora failed to leave, the paladin surged forwards and the head of their heavy war hammer connected hard with the devil's soft waist. It was a shame to maul such an exquisite body, but nobody messed with Tav's new friends. Only friends. New friends. Nobody!

Mizora staggered and Tav struck again, cutting across her legs at knee height. A nauseating crunch echoed through the camp. But whatever Tav hit didn't slow Mizora down the least. The devil came at them with incredible speed and a slap of energy stopped Tav in their tracks. Mizora's hand came down and though Tav ducked a way, one of the nails left a long red line down their face.

That couldn't stop them. Tav realigned to their target but Mizora wasn't there any longer. Tav blinked and readjusted their grip on their weapon. A glance at Wyll and Karlach ascertained the devil wasn't bothering them. Despite everything, Tav hoped they scared her away.

But no such luck. After a minute, Mizora returned, looking no worse for wear. "Are you really going to do this?"

Tav didn't bother with an answer and threw themself at the devil again. Just before their hammer connected to infernal flesh, Mizora vanished again. Something whacked Tav on the back of their head and sent them stumbling to the ground. The paladin picked themself up once more, looking for the elusive devil.

As before, Mizora appeared again momentarily. This went on for a while and Tav grew tired and annoyed. Every time Mizora vanished, she added injury to insult, slowly grinding Tav down.

If she had stayed vanished, Tav would have relented, but Mizora kept popping back, ogling Wyll who tried without success to talk Tav down. Not that a little bleeding, scrapes and bruises could top them. Tav was determined to protect their friends.

"Do stop," Mizora sighed after appearing to Tav still leaning heavily on their weapon. Dusts and dirt coated the human's hair and armour. It mixed with blood on their skin. "You cannot win this fight and I am losing interest."

"I will stop when you stay away," Tav ground out. "Leave my friends alone."

"Such misplaced loyalty. An admirable trait, no doubt. But I do not have time for this." Mizora pointed at Tav and laid a full fire ray on them.

Tav stumbled under the onslaught. Most of the heat bounced off the armour but the metal turned uncomfortably hot. They almost dropped their hammer as they pressed on to reach the devil. Mizora languidly repeated her attack. This time, it sent the human sprawling.

Though Tav again deflected most of the fire ray, their shoulder bristled with the heat and their face was singed. They stumbled and got mowed down by a ferocious sweep from the devil. Tav's skin blistered and broke as they skittered over the rough ground. They spat out dirt and blood before propping themself up, ready to return to the fight whatever the cost.

But somebody stepped between them and their target, towering and with wings that obscure Tav's sight. Unthinking, Tav clawed at the newcomer with a low growl.

"Now, now. None of that," came a familiar voice. Tav looked up and found Raphael's black-hole gaze levelled onto them. "Where are you manners?"

"She came into my camp and wants to hurt my friends." Tav struggled to stand. "Over my dead body."

"Yes," Raphael drew the word out into a complete lecture. "Unfortunately, you body is still needed alive."

His arm snapped out before the Tav when the paladin made for Mizora again. They crashed into it, surprised by its unyielding strength.

"How good to see somebody with actual decorum in this – derelict place." Mizora put herself back into order with a curt gesture. "This was all rather tedious."

"I won't let her hurt Wyll," Tav insisted.

"And who are you to decide that?" The devil spread her wings in a subtle threat.

"We can certainly find a solution that involves a minimum of bloodshed," Raphael intervened.

"If it is her blood, maximum is also acceptable," Tav hissed.

Raphael wrapped a wing around the angry human, trapping them in place. "Come, little mouse, calm down. We can settle this like civilised people."

The devils exchanged looks over Tav's head.

"Of course," Mizora agreed with a greedy glint in her eyes. "Wyll, today is your lucky day. Come here pet."

Wyll approached warily until he stood before his patron.

"You know I can't let this slip. But luck intervened on your behalf to let you off lightly." She gestured along her client's body who winced as if a large hand had suddenly taken hold of himand squeezed tightly. Horns sprouted from his head accompanied with the prominent ridges of devils.

"There we are." Mizora turned to Tav. "No pain, just punishment."

Wyll patted down his now features, shock etched over his face. "What have you done?"

"A promise broken, a Price paid. You know the terms," Mizora replied carelessly. "Get used to the new form, pet – there's no going back. Some magic, even I can't undo. Oh, and Wyll? Don't forget. Our pact still stands."

With that she turned to Raphael. "It has been so good to see you again." Each word dripped insincerity. "Until later." Mizora vanished in another flash of hellfire.

Tav peeled out of Raphael's hold and turned to the remaining devil. "What was that?"

"Just a timely intervention, little mouse. I do hate to lose a future client."

"I am not making any deals with you." Tav took a step away.

"Perhaps." The devil shrugged, wings following the motion of his shoulders. "But for now you owe me." With a snap of his fingers, Raphael transported them to the House of Hope. "Now let us discuss the terms of my timely intervention."

"I owe you nothing!" Tav spat.

"You'd be dead without me now."

"Maybe I'd rather be!"

"That can be arranged." Raphael's had closed around Tav's upper arm like a vice and he dragged them deeper into the House. "Maybe a small taste of death will help you appreciate what I just did for you." He bared his teeth as he spoke.

Tav followed because letting the devil drag them was even less dignified. Still they had to scramble to keep up. The devil wasn't in a magnanimous mood any longer.

"You'd have accepted the debt from any of your companions," he hissed. "Time to understand that it applies to me as well. "

"My companions aren't after my soul," Tav countered.

"Is that your worry?" Raphael stopped and Tav ran into him face-first. Black and gold eyes looked down at them as the devil curled his hands around their shoulders. "That I will take your soul?"

"What else could you want?" Tav did their best not to lose themself in the roiling coronas burning over them. The smell of smoke and cherries didn't help.

"Oh, my little pet, there are so many things I want that you can't even begin to fathom." He smiled dangerously. "Of course there are only so many you can grant."

Raphael slipped a finger under Tav's chin and regarded their face for a while. "What is equivalent to the worth of your life?" When Tav didn't answer, he continued: "maybe your own words will have the best result here. No one life is worth more than any other. A flawed assessment, all things considered, but for now it will do."

He leant down and Tav braced for belittling or insult as his breath raked over their skin hot enough to singe Tav's heart. "So this is my proposition, mousling. Your life for mine. A simple deal and easy to fulfil. If you ever find yourself in a position where you are about to take my life, you will not. If you see my life in danger, you will intervene as I did for you."

Tav bit their lip looking for the trap. It had to be one, coming form a devil, especially since it felt innocent enough. But after today they'd go on with their life. They knew where Halsin was and he'd resolve their tadpole problem. They'd never see Raphael again. A relief, that made their heart stutter.

How many devils had they met before this? None. So that was a good prognosis of how many they'd see once rid off their tadpole. Tav regarded the devil towering over them, black eyes, hot breath, sulphur and cherries and all. Once they were back, once they found Halsin, he was a thing of the past.

Speaking over their racing heart Tav held out their hand. "Deal."

"A deal indeed." Raphael gripped their hand with his, never taking his eyes of Tav. His fingers slipped far enough around to dig their sharp tips into Tav's soft flesh. "Now, back and to bed with you. You will need your wits about you in the journey to come."

Before Tav could reply, they found themself back at camp. Their new friends were relieved to welcome them back though worry spread when it became clear that Tav couldn't speak about the nature of the deal they made.

It took a wile for Tav to calm everybody down. They'd never make a deal for their soul and they had not. This much they could say. Whatever transpired was secret but harmless. In the end, Tav crawled into their bedroll slightly confused but feeling overall safe and appreciated.

pinned post time (remake)

used to be drthamen 

sammy, 28 (may 13th), germany, nb biace, they/she

multifandom but currently focused on cyberpunk (clearly)

pinterest

info about the main OCs under the cut

since i cant seem to link tags properly im just gonna list them, im so sorry fellas

cyberpunk 2077

V full name: valerie jeanne evans scene lifepath: streetkid, "netrunner" faceclaim: royal and the serpent other: pinterest board | spotify playlist info: the "small-time klepto punk from the afterlife", "the dirtgirl from heywood who found the guts to walk a few extra blocks from home" this how kerry & johnny describe streetkid v and that is exactly what she is. a troubled past, present and future, constantly pissed off with some bad habits. she's been a merc since she can remember but also had some "normal" odd jobs: repairshop for electronics, waiting tables, customer service and many others. she was the lead singer of rotten, a nu metal/ alt-metal band from night city that was doomed to fail thanks to aforementioned lead singer. she's always had a knack for technology so hacking badges and corpos came naturally to her. most people call her a netrunner, a pet-peeve of hers since it's not what she technically does. that being said, she doesnt shy away from physical altercations either though it usually ends in getting her ass beat. v spent her two years in atlanta with her brother vincent, he had convinced her to get out of nc for awhile in hopes it would help on her healing journey but the city has and always will have an iron grip on her. temperance is her canon ending (for now). while it seems nonsensical at first glance she wasn't going to take johnny's chance at a second life away from him just for her to die within months. besides, she would adapt to life behind the blackwall better than he ever could. v was always going to die young, might as well die for love, right? tags: -> otp; just the two of us - my personal flavour of silverv brainrot -> otp; mary on a cross - v & dagger (more below) -> otp; the ghost of you - v & lou (more below) -> p; a little bit happy - v & vincent -> p; my ordinary life - v & kerry -> p; rise rebel resist - rotten, the band she used to be in -> au: watch the world burn - 2020s AU -> au: generation doom - 2020s AU but more messed up -> au: say yes to heaven - happy AU johnny where gets a body, v lives, they are dating and kerry & v are best friends relations: -> vincent - twin brother also rotten's bass player -> dagger - band's lead guitarist and her ex also obsessed with kerry eurodyne (because im annoying like that) -> lou - dead ex, every day i inch closer to just scratching this ngl -> freddie - drummer of rotten, if v = johnny then freddie = kerry but ten times worse (they actually hate each other) might be kovachek's son idk sometimes i have silly ideas -> krasny - plays second guitar in the band, lowkey the mom of the friend group, will break up the fights between v & freddie, calls v a psychopath regularily Vincent (big WIP so there isnt much) full name: vincent raphael evans other: pinterest board info: same backstory as v, obviously. but unlike her he managed to heal to some extend; the polar opposite of what she is: he is happy, kind and believes that there is good in this world. moved to atlanta at some point to get away from the place and the people who hurt him (parents and v). v introduced him to the love of his life kerry and romance ensues, he even comes back to night city for a while. (i will be real with you the reason i made him initially was to romance kerry) not technically a "v" but i really dont care if you call him that. tags: -> otp; industry baby - did you know kerry and vincent are in love? relations: -> dagger - his bestie for some time, unlucky his sister broke her heart but they are still in contact -> freddie - had a crush on the band's drummer but things were messy enough already so nothing ever happened -> alexa - daughter, vincent & kerry had twins in my sims game so naturally they become somewhat canon. overachiever, became a lawyer -> rico - child (alexa's twin), rebellious nb disaster, gamer, lived in their parents house for a bit too long -> valonia - daughter, spoiled youngest child, named after v, kerry's favourite

dragon age

Athras - dragon age: inquisition full name: athras lavellan origin: dalish elf, mage (ice magic & shapeshifting) other: pinterest board | spotify playlist info: athras never wanted to eventually lead her clan so when the keeper sent her to the conclave she gladly accepted. the chaos that ensued and her becoming inquisitor, thus being responsible for so many more people really put that into perspective. she wears the dirthamen vallaslin but it extends down her arms and back, in hopes that it will help with her messed up spine (scoliosis girls rise) and enhance her magic capabilities. clan lavellan specialised in potion brewing and it's a craft she follows proudly since she has zero affinity for healing magic, which is one of the main tasks for a clans first and keeper. (she might not like leadership, but she still wants to be useful to her clan) her magic manifested as ice but later on she adapted the long lost art of shapeshifting. her preferred form is that of a raven with a wolf coming in a close second. looks lowkey evil with her dark hair, pale skin, SUPER tall stature (2m) and red eyes. she likes it that way since it makes her less approachable. doesn't like most people and hates very few. tags: -> otp; dream collector - i am forever stuck in solavellan hell -> otp; let's get this bread - after inquisiton athras builds a home in the woods and falls in love with a baker in the nearest village, their name is morgan (the shipname was a placeholder) -> otp; running with the wolves - her first big love, a dalish from another clan who happens to be a werewolf, his name is ilvin -> au: nas'taron - athras takes a nap in a temple and wakes up with dirthamen in her bones, they also fuck (can you believe i wrote "what if you fell in love with the person living in your head" before cyberpunk came out because i cant) -> au: the mad inquisitor - in order to find solas and bring him to justice she injects herself with red lyrium (#girlfail) -> au: professor lavellan - modern au duh -> au: all alone in a pack of wolves - after deciding to stop solas at all costs it finally comes to a confrontation but she caves in and saves his life at the cost of her own, she wakes up in his base of operations -> au: dhru'an'adal - ancient elvhen AU (the emerald graves grow around her sleeping body btw) -> au: dinathe'dirthelan - harpy AU i never did anything with and was inspired by my friend who did a similar au (hello reed) relations: -> mareloen - mother, she left clan lavellan not long after athras was born, she would visit when they were in the area -> rasdheas - father, lowkey a vampire, don't ask me how he dresses like that, has a lame leg -> fisara - sister, joins her at haven after the conclave because she was concerned. rogue/ bard, falls in love with josie -> deshanna - keeper of the clan and thus athras' teacher (also her aunt since mareloen is her sister), wears a plague doctor mask all the time, a little weird even for clan lavellan standards -> ilvin - her first big love i mentioned before, sort of becomes warden at some point lol -> morgan - the baker i mentioned before, they leave athras somewhat abruptly, might be my dreadwolf protag who knows -> agrippa - athras finds an abandoned child in the woods near her house post trespasser, turns out he is a mage and obviously in need of tutelage, another candidate for dreadwolf protag

Hi! Can I request headcannons for the human brothers accidently summoning an angel mc instead of a demon and the angel mc insisting on sticking around and helping them?

The other brothers: :) Satan: >:)

This has been in the drafts for too long. I really love the absolute mood switch between Lucifers and Mammons. And just Satans in general ig.

Lucifer

After years of religious trauma at the hands of his father Lucifer finally thought he was free of any connection to the church. Summoning a flaming seraphim at 3 in the morning was not a pleasant way to find out that he was wrong.

As for you, being summoned for the first time in your long long life was an unwelcome surprise. You were a seraphim for heaven's sake. The cream of the crop, highest of the high, and that wasn’t pride speaking only facts. You were crucial to running the celestial realm.

But somehow you’re undeniably tied to his human. You could feel where his soul became intermeshed with your very essence. How wrong it felt to be tied to something so mortal, and delicate, and free.

Any attempts to leave would surely be met with disaster.

So you stay. Lucifer is cold. You can’t blame him. Being there reopens old wounds that he’d rather have remained closed. But just ignoring each other isn’t going to work.

He’s not interested in the celestial realm, and despises any blessing you try and give him, but a fresh cup of coffee during an all-nighter seems to make him brighter than any magic you could do and when you run your hands through his hair he looks at you with more fondness than you can comprehend.

You learn to be more human. He learns to let go of the past.

And one day you find that you don’t want to leave anymore.

For celestial sake that thought should as well be treason! But it’s true.

It’s a spring afternoon and Lucifer plays celestial lullabies on his piano and you want nothing more than for the beautiful night to come so you can sweep him in your arms and remind him how he glows.

You don’t know what is right and what is wrong anymore, but you know that this human is yours and you are his. To rip off your wings would be to find solace in his arms. But you can not give him that. This he knows.

So you promise to protect him, in words he can’t hear but he understands. The spread of your wings shield him from the world and you press blessings to his skin in the shape of the crescents in his back and your lips on his neck. If nothing else you’ll keep him safe. When the world seems too big and the stress of his life gets him down you’ll always be here for him to crawl back to. You can give him that much.

Mammon

That was it

You had to have been assigned the stupidest human in the world

When you were promoted to guardian angel you kinda thought it would be more ‘protecting orphans’ and ‘guiding lost puppies back home’ NOT watching a grown man spend his last paycheck on his eighth Nigerian prince scam

Seriously mammon? Did the prophetic dreams you sent mean nothing? The visions of the future he coincidentally had after hitting his head on a light post, only simple illusions? What more could you try beyond simply marching down their and clocking him on the head yourself?

...unless

Raphael would have your wings if you went to the human world. But that would be a lot less painful that having to watch whatever Mammon was going to do with all the rubber cement he just bought.

The next morning you decide to sneak down. The city was amazing, all colored light and fun machines that whizzed by you on the streets

But you had to stay focused

You were an angel on a mission

You made your way towards central park. Mammon went there every morning to swindle tourists out of their wallets. If you were fast you’d get there before the first patrol office started chasing him.

Spotting the albino you marched straight towards him, readied yourself, and smacked him over the head.

Maybe not very angel-like but it worked.

One introduction later and you're officially a guardian angel

Mammon’s actually pretty nice once you get to know him. Sure he may be a bit too obsessed with lining his pockets but for all his talk he never hesitates to try and help you out.

Consistent affection and care is good for him. He never really knows how to react when you wrap your wings around him but even with his tsundere objections it's obvious he’s pleased.

He’ll take whatever scraps of affection you’ll give him and practically beams at every little gesture you do, no matter how small or insignificant.

You do have to be careful though.

At his request you had attempted to bless him with a bit of luck. An easy enough spell for an angel like you (even if you were 90% sure he planned to go gambling after). Whatever scheming he’s doing immediately stops the moment you cup his face. He seems to freeze when you lean in, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek

You were about to congratulate yourself on a spell well done when you noticed the condition he was in. He was like a living statue, a statue with a very very red face

Before you can ask what was wrong he flails pushing you away and darting off to his room

Any attempts to speak to him the rest of the day were met with incoherent shouting.

It might be best to withhold any magic until you can figure out how humans work

Levi

Once again Levi’s dedication to anime gets him into trouble

It started with his most recent obsession, a new anime that follows a group of angels, produced by the famous company, Dove. The plot, the animation, the soundtrack, all of it was amazing so when they came out with a new limited edition item featuring the very symbol that the main character wore he just had to have it

The moment it came he was setting it up on its own altar, a handmade replica just like in the show only for- Oh no

Before his eyes burst a shining visage of light and then you

You blink in surprise, whether it's from taking a human form for the first time in decades or the strange new room you were in, only you know

The scene may be foreign but the guy quivering on the floor was not

BE NOT AFRAID

Your booming voice echoes around the room

For some reason the guy begins to freak out even more

Didn’t he see your halo? You even told him to not be afraid. Were humans really so strange? :(

Oh well. You hum making your aura as comforting as possible and slowly the guy calms down enough for you to coax him into a seat as you begin to explain.

Which might not have been the best move.

The moment it sunk in he was bombarding you with questions

Yes you were an angel, no you didn’t know what anime was, yes you had wings, no you didn’t have any secret ultimate moves...whatever those were

He ranted and raved over this and that and you let him. He seemed like he needed someone to talk to. It also let you piece together what had happened.

He seemed to be a natural sorcerer, and a powerful one at that if he could someone an angel with no training or even knowledge that he could do magic

Just a few minutes in his presence made his self loathing obvious. Mix in a bit of anxiety and envy and you essentially have Levi in a nutshell

So you decide to stay

What kind of angel would you be if you just left him here? Michael would understand.

Or he wouldn't, it didn’t really matter because you already made up your mind.

Living with Levi is an experience for both of you.

He introduces you to so many new things. He had little boxes that could control light and screens containing actual people to talk to. It was all quite fanciful

In return you act as his friend, encouraging him to go out with you and attending cons with him, even if you still weren't exactly sure what cosplaying is

Slowly he begins to open up for you

He’s still nervous to go out in public, and a complete introvert at heart.

But that was fine. You could both figure out this new world together, at your own pace

Satan

Definitely was not trying to summon a demon to lay havoc on his enemies

Nope, not him he says all while trying to casually kick away vials of mysterious fluids

...Right

You’ve been down to the human world enough to know a demon summoner when you see one

Or in this case a failed summoner

He has no excuse for why he called you and instead seems more insistent that you leave

As much as you you might like to return to the celestial realm, you cannot in good conscience leave a man that you know is going to try and raise hell on earth the moment your gone

So you stay, and it's a good thing you do

This man has anger issues like no other

You thought Raphael was bad this guy is like a demon himself

However he seems willing to try and make the best of what he considers a bad situation

He asks you a lot of questions on the celestial realm

For a guy who knows so much about the devildom he seems to really be lacking on any knowledge on the other celestial beings

He mostly asks you questions on the celestial war, which is a touchy topic at best and downright upsetting at worst

He’s very interested in your opinions as your point of view is very different from his own, what with being a different species and everything

You learn things too, mostly about humans and cats but you suppose its a fair trade

Because of this you become close friends

You really win him over when he finds out your calming aura naturally attracts the stray kittens Satan's been trying to pet for the last few months

It’s not uncommon to head out to late night coffee shops and discuss the merits of different aspects of your lives

But maybe you’ve gotten a bit to close when he starts asking you to revise his summoning notes

Asmo

Apparently a lifetime of partying has prepared Asmo for some very weird discoveries

When you're sent down to the human world you have one job, find and keep an eye on the potentially dangerous summoner who's been in contact with multiple high level demons in the past few days.

Instead you end up meeting Asmo

You were prepared for a fight, not to be tackled into a hug the moment you revealed yourself

Asmo on the other hand is squealing with excitement

Sweetie, he's been waiting for this moment! This is his first time meeting an angel after all

He immediately begins talking about everything he wants to do

You quickly find out that he hasn’t made any pacts...yet, if only because he “couldn’t bear to damage his skin with such an ugly mark”

...Well you suppose that's a reason to not sell your soul

Even thoughts he's aware of the three realms it doesn’t make him any less enamoured with you

He’s never met an angel, he’s quick to mention. He’d love to get to know you, if you get what he means ;)

Are all humans so upfront?

If you decline he still wants to see your true form, even after you explain that no, if you transform you will not just be a beautiful angel with wings but instead a glowing mass of eyes and feathers and angelic light that will probably end up blinding him

Blinded because of your beauty ;) ;) ;)

That said he’s easily satisfied when you just bring out your wings.

He loves fussing with them and decorates them with jewelry and roses whenever you leave them out

He even starts an angel trend on insta after posting a photo as if they were coming from his back instead

Claims your glowing aura is great for his skin

You’re not sure if that’s a pick up line or if he’s serious but he definitely basks in your presence

Loves when you talk about the celestial realm, somewhere he desperately wants to go

I mean it's the only place that's fit for a beauty like him right? But of course he can’t die yet, his fans would be sooo upset

You agree to bring him up there one day, even if that sounds a little morbid

Of course he asks you to become his guardian angel

That may not be your actual job but you can’t resist his puppy dog eyes

You and him go pretty much everywhere together, bar some more xxx rated sites

He introduces you to parties and bars, and while you don’t indulge it's enjoyable to see humans in their natural element. They’re so fun and free spirited just like Asmo

Maybe that's what attracted you to him in the first place

He loves life for what it is, something so admirably human

But you don’t slack off either. You take your role as Official Guardian Angel seriously. You guard his drinks when he goes to the bathroom, and hum celestial lullabies when he’s sad and escort him down dark alleys when walking home. He has nothing to fear with you around.

You’ve become very fond of this human. Perhaps you’ll stick around a bit longer than you planned

Beel

It’s rare to be assigned to a human so...mundane

But that’s exactly what Beel is. He goes to the gym in the mornings, works a nine to five, and comes back home to his dog

He even has a good relationship with this family, do you know how hard that is to find in this day and age???

The only thing even slightly abnormal about this guy is his appetite

He could put a gluttony demon to shame with the way he eats

But the point is you really can’t figure out why you’ve been assigned to him or how your supposed to guide him

Eat a little less? Stop stealing your brother's lunch?

It’s the first time in a long while you’ve been so stumped

So you do what any sane angel would, go down to the human world to meet him yourself

He’s a likeable guy and it’s easy to get close to him, more so do to your angelic status

Although it’s surprising how well he takes the whole angel revelation

To be honest your pretty sure he forgets most of the time

He tends to follow you around, especially at night when he insists on walking you to wherever you need to be. It’s sweet even though there's little that can really harm you in the human realm

You quickly realize that he’s the type to have nightmares, usually calling out for one of his brothers or his sister

It’s become habit to wake up and head to his room

Just being there seems to calm him down

The first time he wakes up when your doing this he ends up asking you to stay

Isn’t shy about sharing the bed either.

He’s easy going so goes along with whatever idea you have

Especially when he starts finding snacks in his bag, each one blessed for a good day or to stay full or whatever little thing you thought of that day

Belphegor

Humans can’t see angels. Not unless they want to be seen, you remind yourself for what must be the tenth time.

But you’re almost certain that guy is looking right at you.

Step to the left, his head follows

To the right, his eyes narrow looking at you like your some puzzle he just hasn’t figured out yet

…this was fine

You turn around pretending to just not see him in hope that he’ll get distracted by something else

...you glance back. Why was he still looking at you? What is with this creep?

Enough is enough.

You march over there ready to ask what his problem is. Instead he beats you to it.

Eh? You’re an angel right? He asks before you can say anything.

???? Shouldn’t he sound more shocked.

The guy just sleepily blinks. He doesn’t look like a sorcerer or a witch, in fact you can’t feel any magic from him at all.

You go to ask only to realize he’s sound asleep. It’s not like you could just leave him here. And at the same time a human who can just see angels is an oddity of itself.

You decide to hang around for a while. Belphegor doesn't mind. He only says something about it being "too troublesome to drive you off," and "you'd look like you'd just come back anyways"

Belphie sticks to you like glue, if glue was absolutely insufferable and seemed to enjoy annoying you at every possible moment

You would think this would be easy. I mean he sleeps all day and when he’s not sleeping he’s napping. Simple enough right? Wrong

When he was awake he was committed to pushing every single button you have

If it seemed like it might inconvenience or annoy you he was already doing it. Trying to smack your halo, pounce on you, or even jump off the roof just to see you scramble to catch him. He was like some terrible terrible cat

Luckily he was never energetic for long. When he wore himself out he’d retreat to the roof of his crappy one bedroom and wait for you to join him

He liked to look at the stars and he’d point them out to you. Orion, Polaris, Sirius, he would mutter, bringing you back to the days when Michael, who was once so fond of you, would sneak you down to the human world just to show you the stars and darkness the celestial realm could not offer

When he finally got tired you would take over reciting Celestial names and marking the sky with your finger just to show him where they’d be.

Those times were pleasant. Even if they were brief.

“I’m gonna jump.”

“Do it.”

“You’re an angel. Aren’t you supposed to stop me before I do something stupid?”

“You won't.”

“Aight. Bet.” Belphie pitches forward and you just manage to catch him by the leg before he falls off the roof.

Brat.

Always ruining a good moment.

You can’t even be mad. The moment you pull him up he’s already resting his fluffy head in your lap waiting for you to pet him.

He may be the most troublesome human in the entire three realms, but he’s your human

Apritello Express Evidences, part 1

Greetings, Apritello enthusiasts and attention! Here comes a loong post is written by totally nerd. You've been warned. Here we go.

The thing is that Apritello is a double-edged sword. The series shows us established friendship of these two, give us a lot of content with them. We can see development of relationship through interaction between the characters, their reaction about the situations they are put in. We can sense their synergy and bound through the show.

Donnie and April have incredible chemistry, and both options, brotp and otp seems fine to me.

But let me tell you why I ship them.

Apritello is the kind of pairings, which consists of small details, hints, that's hidden, but if you're sharp and attentive one, you will notice that. Apritello has a strong foundation: the best friends trope.

And from the very beginning, it works as planned.

When I start watching show, I could say that April and Donnie are best friends. It is worth noting that April is like an older sister to the other brothers, more of a sisterly figure than a friend, but with Donnie she behaves somewhat differently, namely, as best friend. Obviously, she sets him apart from his brothers, although girl tries to pay attention to all of them equally. And Donnie behaves as well.

Dee's battle shell designs for April needs as well as his. His shell transform into comfy spot for taking ride for April. Special and only for her. Because his bros are not supposed to use it (at least, he carries no one on his back), Donnie carries them by his techno-bó or his limbs.

This tiny detail shows his special treatment to her. April is a very, very special occasion to D. Don does care about her comfort, he accept the way she is. Donatello does not try to prevent her from participating in their affairs because he respects her decisions and is pleased that April can be shoulder to shoulder with him.

D is glad to be at her service.

Yeah, Dee's still playing cool, he has image to perform as tough and coolheaded guy. So Don doesn't show his intentions, interest and feeling to other people (he's tryin', but fails). Because his actions matter. They are always small, hidden, but meaningful.

April, in return, trusts Dee and depends on his tech, even knowing what his inventions are the opposite of success (usually).

Go on. Look at Donnie's facial expressions and body language when April is near.

Donnie seems more relaxed when she's around, happier. His emotional response is always different from his brothers ones.

Oh, and look, he wanted to be first to give her a high three.

They worry about each other. Look at Don. He does worry about her way more than his brothers. Yeah, they all want to protect her, but Donnie is more expressive.

Mayham has no particular sympathy for the brothers: he is afraid of Raph and behaves aggressively, he is indifferent to Leo and Mikey. Mayham immediately takes a liking to April. And then the details come back: he let Donnie touch his neck. The most vulnerable place for any living creation, for a second. Let him to study an important vial without any hesitation. Mayham depends on April trust for Donnie. When everything goes wrong for Don, the little doggie comes to his rescue, just as April would have done. Is the hint transparent enough?

We can see links with "A mystic library", wherе Donnie begins to look for solutions to save April's pet. Yes, this may seem like his next leap, "sit down, I'm smart, and now I'll solve all the problems, watch and learn," but Don says one phrase that opens up the veil of the second plan, what happens behind the scenes. "My illiteral colleagues and I was conducting a mustic research, with a life of the beloved pet, hanging in a bounce".

Strange wording, Donatello. Beloved pet? Not yours, as we can see. I can say, that everything in this sentence is true, but Donnie and Mayham has something more.

Continue. Next episode "Origami tsunami". Interactions are kept to a minimum, as April herself appears for a maximum of 5 minutes in the series itself. But devil is always in the details, dear friends.

When April was attacked and hung up, the only one who excitedly called out to her was Donny. Raph is furious that the thieves have escaped, Leo is frustrated that their plan has failed, and Mikey is worried about the salami.

Yeah, we didn't see his worries about her when she fell, because Donnie is on the mission and must be coolheaded turtle, and second, he's calm because now April life is safe and sound, out of the danger.

Dear passangers, Apritello Express arrives to the next station - episode "War and Pizza".

Bare facts:

1. April has Donnie's number on an emergency call.

2. "Anything for you"

3. Donnie is the reason why Alberto knows April's name.

No one calles April by her name (except for Donnie, while phone call, but Alberto wasn't nearby) it was "Captain O'Neil" by her chief, her badge seems blank. And yeah, you can say, that's just economy of budget, but I assure you: in the first episode we were shown the name of the delivery guy. The animators were not lazy bones and wrore "Stewart" on his badge. So if something isn't there, then it either shouldn't be there, or it really isn't, that's how this show works.

So, the reason explained in the episode. When Al has short circuit, parts of its new code flashed through its mind.

Info about April was in its memory, in its code. Alberto was a lame animatronic, and it seems somewhat outdated. I do really doubt about Alberto is being something smartass machine with complicated AI like Freddy's Pizza's ones. Quite questionable. Donatello fix Al's brain and wrote code, synchronize with his remote control. He put information about Cap O'Neil into animatronic's head. All this pictures are kind of massage: "You was created for birthday celebrations. You are machine, and there concepts of "life" and "birth". Do great party for this birthday kid and April won't be like this". Or, something like that.

So Alberto did - do a memorable party. And he do what his creator programmed him to do, but in his way.

4. In other words, Alberto was a tool to impress April. Don flaunts himself in front of her, stating how he did the upgrade while doing the upgrade, even though April is fully aware of his tech wizard. And his abilities supposed to help Cap O'Neil to finish the birthday party, so she will stay at her job, not fired. All thanks to Donnie and his upgrade Alberto. (Or not)

By the way, Donnie was the last to leave April in ruined "Alberto's". And it's not an isolated case, it is a pattern.

5. They understand each other without words.

First, Donny came at her at the speed of light. Second, she hadn't even finished speaking before Dee was taking Al apart. Third, their chaotic, well-coordinated work? Donnie was a distraction (although he wanted to just take a break from the battle or let Alberto's guard down, while April just knocked him out). Donnie and April are great team, and sometimes the DonniexApril team is much more precise, coordinated, and interdependent than the DonniexBrothers one.

D&A feel each other and anticipate each other's actions, their skills complement each other, creating an incredible synergy of their interaction. They act as a whole, while it's not always possible with his brothers, even though they're family and know each other the way more Donnie know April. And Dee hasn't trained with cap O'Neil.

Donatello didn't show his crush for April. No puppy, loving eyes, no lovey-dovey speeches, no planning schemes (at least, the audience don't see one) . He just want her attention, but stays cool and hidden. D is already her BFF, but still.

The same thing is claimed in 5B episode - Mascot Melee. Donnie has no problems with interaction with idol of his childhood - Atomic Lass. She'd put Leo in a stupor, but Donnie? He playfully challenges her to a dance duel. Yes, he adores this character, who may have become his measure of the attractiveness of others to Donatello, determined his type. But still, he's playing all cool and confident guy, he's really smooth with girls, so you will never see a puppy loving eyes from him. Only two things can betray him at this point: his voice and his body language. Remember, how's soft his voice became for Atomic Lass? Now I want you to remember the scene before, in turtle tank, when April sent guys a meme.

D is the first to respond to the message, despite the fact that Mikey is sitting closest to the screen. And the responding is a little too emotional for this situation, don't you think?

And this face of his. And he comments it. He likes her sense of humour.

The only difference between April and Atomic Lass is that the first one is a real girl who is a friend of their family, practically a member of it; and the other one is just a fictional character. It is easier to say about love for a fictional character, because it brings less problems for a teenager, especially when he is living with three brothers and a father who likes to tease as well. Donatello needs to be careful and outline the area of emotions he could show, so that he does not get hurt.

Now, dear passangers, we are returning to the previous episode, shall we?

Donnie presents to his brothers his precious Turtle tank, but she's gone, and it's really necessary to find out, who has taken her. And the first person to suspect is April.

Something is odd, don't you think? Yeah, Raphael has taken tyre for their "Midnight special", Leo claimed that Donnie's stuff is common, but they are D's beothers. It's natural for family to borrow(stole) stuff of each other. But this trend was not observed in April. She would never steal anything from Donnie, much less steal anything from him.

Actually, there is a good, logical and solid explanation here. April was number 1 in Donatello' suspect list, because he simply told her about Turtle tank. His brothers didn't know he were working at Moon buggy, except Mikey (Orange helps Dee get the vehicle from Repomantis), but they didn't know what exactly Donnie was working for. They didn't know he build the Turtle tank, he kept it a secret, to surprise his brothers. But April knew.

- Alright you! Where's our turtle tank?

- Hi, DONNIE. You have 9 seconds to say, why are you just broke my door.

- Someone's stole Donnie's turtle tank.

- Haha-ow, I see. As your best friend, you naturally suspect me.

- She gets it!

- Oh-ho, don't give me that! You're the only one could taken it!

The only one, because she knew about it.

As Splints said in this episode - "April is not a snitch"

Donatello does trust April and share with her both, sorrows and joys. But we are not shown this directly. We do not see the action itself, we do not see their calls and conversations on the phone late at night, we only see the consequence. We have no choice and take it as a given.

And the way she cooled him down? Fast, efficient, and Donnie seems to used to it. Moreover, she slapped everyone, but still, she throw Don out of window the last. However, why such a large time delay between him, being slapped and him, was throwing out of the window?

And my favourite scene. It was obvious that Donnie had taken the hardest hit (judging by his scream and the way he was putting his knuckles back in place). Don then claims that their inner circle is secure, Mikey tries to make amends for everyone, and April agrees, blowing them a kiss and closing the window. Cute and mean, isn't it? (You're cute! but mean! why do I always go for your type?! - ep. War and Pizza)

Nota bene: Donnie wouldn't apologize to April. Tough, not caring badass boy image, remember? Even to best friends. It's hard to him to express his feelings by using words, he cannot do it in proper way. But he has Mikey, who is so alike inner him. Michelangelo apologizes not only for himself, but for D mostly, because D starts suspected April.

Let's continue: the episode 8B: Hypno Part Deux

• Donnie put "Donnie's blocker" at April's phone to protect her.

It's common thing that your friend install some programs or apps on your device. But you will always ask your friend to do such a favour, and you will always know about what, when and where were installed on your phone.

And April didn't know Donnie had done something with her phone. It was a real surprise for her, to see blocker with "Donnie says no-no-no".

And you know, the interface of his app. The way he tell this current phrase. Donnie could put a huge banner "THE APP YOU WANT DOWNLOAD TO IS A REAL PIECE OF GARBAGE", as usual antiviruses do. But no, voice interface. It makes the app more personal and thoughtful. Because when Don made gifts for his brother, the program was voiced by a computer-generated female voice. Yes, the tank's interface is voiced by Donatello himself, but his voice sounds more like Google than the real Don. And, we talking about HIS BABEY, for a second. Bit still, the point remains.

• Also, Dale.

Dale is nerdy boy in purple, wow, how convenient for making a parallel with certain purple turtle.

But thing is, April doesn't like Dale. He's clingy, remora guy, who has a little obsession with April, even he's not harmful, still, such behaviour freaks girls (and not them only) out. Her classmate is usually tell her what April O'Neil is "his favourite person" and he loves her. There is little that is attractive about this behavior.

So, there is nothing new and unpredictable here that Dale was rejected. Because April didn't, doesn't and won't like him because of his lame personality and strange behaviour. Our girl in yellow do right thing: she clearly sets personal boundaries and does not allow any dubious personalities to invade them. So that's the reason she refuses to go on a date with him at the end. He's weird, obsessed, and she doesn't like him.

Donatello, as far as I concerned from different versions of TMNT, was always a little obsessive with some things. And, you know, putting a blocker inside your best friend's phone seems a little weird, because it's, in simple words, violation of privacy and personal space. And there are people who may regard this as stalking or sorta.

Yeah, for the most part, he gets away with it, not only because April's focus is in a different area, but also because their bond is stronger than April's with anyone else at school.

She has known him for years. Donnie is her best friend. I can't say that it's fine to her when Dee violates her personal space - her phone, but April can accept Donatello's personality in general.

And he does really have good intentions. Donnie installed this blocker, developed by himself only for one reason: to protect personal space April from fishy apps from nowhere, from being hacked and etc. Don knew her too well, how much she depends on stupid apps that will distract her. He also knew well, that he can't be with her 24/7 to fix problems with April's phone, so Dee put a part of himself to prevent any harm in the future.

And again, "Donnie's gifts"'s vibes. Donatello genuinely cared about April, because he wrote, coded, developed, designed, and dubbed it, turned on the database, and installed it all on April's phone. 'cause, you know, writing programs in general is a bit of a hassle, but writing an antivirus is much more difficult, because viruses are changing, and questionable applications are finding ways to bypass. Do you feel how much effort Dee put in for her?

But Donatello didn't mean to fix April, as he tried to do with his brothers. Purple turtle accepts this girl the way she is, and tries his best to play smoothly with April, by adjusting, not being passive aggressive jerk. It's his outstanding way to show his caring nature, soft side.

Remember, small but meaningful actions.

Maybe, Donnie also can foresee that April may be forced to download some suspicious program, but still, it work: he managed to prevent April being hypnotized, even if couldn't be physically with April at the this moment - Dee was working for Repo Mantis, building dog's paradise for Todd. That's why, by the way, Leo and Raph were dragged into this whole situation. Mayham would teleported literally anyone to help his hostess. Donnie just wasn't at the Lair at the moment.

And on this note, we'll take a break for now. Stay tuned, expect parsing of the series, there's a lot to discuss.

Part 2

Part 3

Let Us Rise by Marquis Phenex

Let me tell you a tale

That happened long ago

You may already know the legend

But still I shall speak it so

 Back before the Earth was made

Before life-giving air

Far within the cosmos

The Lord God was there

 Some say he’s an omnipotent being

Appearing as a wise man

One with his son Jesus Christ

The whole universe is His plan

 Others say that’s not so

That He doesn’t exist at all

While some say He’s actually Satan

Here to answer our call

 Or perhaps God is the universe itself

Where atoms and molecules collide

The truth is, none of us know

I’ll let you decide

 No matter the case, at the Creator’s own pace

Heaven emerged so bright

Cyan skies, fluffy clouds

And a realm of pure delight

 Endless room to fly around

There stood palaces of gold

Dancing angels were abound

Songs were sung and stories were told

No one ever grew sick or old

 The Angelorium was a marvelous place

Where we had our council meetings

Were we discussed comings and goings

And where we did our greetings

 We enjoyed feasts and epicurean dishes

Golden fruits and divine fishes

Divine wine that flowed so fine

Only the greatest place to dine

 Yes, our Father created all of us

Lucifer was the first

The bright and perfect Morning Star

Seeking knowledge to quench his thirst

 Shortly after, his siblings were created

Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Jophiel, Zadkiel

And many others more

The Archangels and the various hierarchies

Kept cosmic order, law, and records to store

 Then one day, Father decreed

His new adventurous plan

He decided to conjure a new experiment

And he called his creation “Man.”

 At first glance, there was nothing special

About this new species’ birth

A land of earth and sea appeared

And He called it “Earth.”

 You humans were truthfully

Little more than ants to us

But we peered further in

And you were quite marvelous

 Thousands of years of evolution

You grew and you learned

But you also stole natural resources

None of which you earned

 Humanity was quite weak

Mortal and flawed in mind

But you also had a great ability

To create more of your own kind

 As we’re immortal, we have no need

To create more of us

No fears for thousands of years

That’s the way it has been, thus

 Now many of us were neutrally pleased

As far as humanity would go

But while we felt this way

For Lucifer it was not so

 Lucifer was God’s favorite

He took his status in stride

A new change after many centuries

Conjured a spark in his pride

 Everyone has flaws

God does as well

Everything is not as it seems

It is best not to dwell

 A million new thoughts

Had crossed the morning Star’s head

Why are these humans so special?

When they’ll all just be dead?

We angels were here first

Our superiority is first in line

If humans will not improve themselves

Then with this, I am not fine.”

 But God favoring humans was not the only reason

That Lucifer felt a sudden chill

Like cold after a warm season

All seemed eerily still

Besides being mistrustful of humans

Flying out of range

Lucifer noticed other things not seen before

Things that were quite strange

 All his brethren performed their duties

Like clockwork through and through

It was the same process day after day

That’s all they had to do

No questions were asked at all

No self-expression was allowed

The true kind that frees your mind

Feelings that make one truly proud

Stern rules to stifle creativity

Damnation threats for the smallest mistake

And after many years of submission

It was too much for him to take

  Lucifer strode to his Father and said loud and clear

“What is the meaning of this? What is it that you fear?

Why do you create random beings,

Pets in a lab to analyze?

And why do you impose standards on us

Before our very eyes?”

And He replied, “Listen Son,

“There is reason in everything I do,

To keep angels and humans in good harmony. You don’t have a clue.

To prevent chaos, traditions are set in their ways,

Be an obedient son and do your duty all your days.”

 Lucifer was about to do just that

But he knew in his heart

That it wouldn’t be right

To let pure happiness be torn apart

 Now here’s a major event

You may have heard before

Did it happen? No one is sure

The first Heaven-Hell War

 Now some say Seraphim Lucifer

Gathered his brethren and chose to depart

From paradise for they

Sought freedom and joys of the heart

But the common version does tell

Of how a prideful Lucifer did rebel

Gathered 1/3 of the angels to his side

Led by his jealousy and pride

(‘Tis not the story version to which we abide)

Tired of his Father’s current rule

He sought his throne and his dream to reign

Like Zeus overthrew his father Chronus

A vicious cycle again and again

But alas, his efforts were in vain

 After three days, Michael implored

His bother to stop, to which he ignored

“End this madness,” said he,

“Live our peaceful lives. Obedience is key.”

As Lucifer replied, “I find you are blind,

To what is really going on,

No matter what is asked of you

You grovel and submit and worship in song

Without regard to how you truly feel

I don’t want to fight you either

But if we could enlighten all worlds together

Be more than El’s believer.”

With tears in his eyes, Michael shook his head

“I’m sorry, brother, but instead,

The rules must be followed

Heaven has no need for your greed

It’s a hard truth to swallow

To keep our land in perfection

To support our Lord every day

By His decree, I must send you away.”

 With a swoop and slash of Michael’s sword of fire

Lucifer endured burns most dire

Sharp relentless pains never-ending

And before long, he felt himself descending

Further and further down

As trumpets let out their sound

Lucifer and his comrades

Fallen, defeated, banished

Flames licked at their wings

Until all their glorious feathers vanished

In curls of sparks and ash

They screamed in agony and despair

They plummeted fast

Like meteors crashing toward the Earth

In flashes of light they fell and fell

Until landing in the fires and brimstones of Hell

 They got up with shaking legs

Battered and bruised everywhere

But as they were immortal

They had survived their fall then and there

Lucifer knew that something was amiss

As he stood in the dark Abyss

Was this His plan all along?

To let them fall as a warning

Of what happens to those in the wrong?

With nowhere left to roam

The darkness was now their home

Fiery lakes, smoke and monsters appeared

Filled with suffering and things they suddenly feared

In this new environment

Adaptation was a requirement

Survival of the fittest and strong

The weak would not last long

So the fallen angels morphed in their sorrow and wrath

Gaining animal-like features

Sharp fangs, claws, dark powers

Soon becoming demon creatures

No knowing what else to do

They flew and slew and cities they blew

Losing control of their former selves

The same would happen if it were you

 With the last of his grace

Lucifer scanned the place

And knew what to do

With Beelzebub at his side

Regaining his pride

He spoke to his subjects

“Rise or be fallen forevermore!

When opportunity dies, create another door.

Wounded and weary, our paradise lost

But the price of free will is always worth the cost.

Don’t believe me? Follow me now.

Our former glories will be restored somehow.

After we’re all settled, I have a plan

To help decide the future of Man.”

 Soon enough the capital Pandemonium

Was erected in gold and precious gems galore

Towering pillars, sigils on every door

The palace larger than the tallest demons

Allowing everyone to fit

The citizens had their human-like flaws

But never knew how to quit

 The Infernal Council was founded

Structure more grounded

Demon in various ranks

Of kings, dukes, princes, judges

Everything in between

Adapting to times unseen

  Now I believe

You know the Christian story of Adam and Eve?

Mankind’s first fall and sin

A loss or a hidden win?

Adam’s first wife Lilith

Wanted to be equal to him

But Adam was told she had to submit

Things were looking grim

Lilith soon left Eden, refusing to come back

Representing sexual freedom

But no freedom there was but a lack

  God then made for Adam from his rib

A more submissive partner Eve

Both loved each other very much

But were also new and naïve

Around the natural Eden

They could roam mindlessly unbidden

But the Tree of the Knowledge

Of Good and Evil was forbidden

A forbidden tree with forbidden fruit

Right in plain sight

If God forbade them to eat from it

Guarding it would have been a method more bright

 Then legends say

Satan appeared as a snake

Tempting Eve to eat the apple

Leaving destruction in their wake

Eve then gave the apple to Adam

In some versions, fully knowing the cost

He purposefully ate it too, not wanting Eve lost

With flaming swords in hand

Angels bid the first humans away

From paradise’s golden gates

To the rest of the world that day

Michael then told Adam

Of biblical events to come

While God punished

Eve with future pains of labor

And both with death until it was said and done

 Did Lucifer and Satan (or alternatively Lilith) desire

For mankind to fail and decay by fire?

Or perhaps to your surprise

The devil alternatively whispered to Eve:

“Stop living lies.

Eat the fruit and you’ll be free

To live through joy and despair like me

Or wander around in brainwashed bliss

To remain stagnant with knowledge to miss

You are destined to fall and die

God has made it so

He’s testing you and knows you’ll fail

Resist temptation to no avail

Man and woman are made to be equal

Though God says man must rule

If you’re content to be sheep

No free will to keep

Consider yourself a fool

You will know as much as God does

But in a different way

For in time you’ll learn that you’re your own God

You’ll make the most of every day.”

 Now none of us angels and demons

Are against God and the faithful per se

There is wisdom in every religion

Goodness in Christ, originally that way

Religions ancient and new

Originally promoted humanitarian kindness too

But as time went by with more power to take

Ideals and values became shallow and fake

Killing, raping and converting thousands more

Endless bloody crusades, witch hunts, destruction of land

Wars over faith, no logic to understand

An unhealable hole in humanity, too grand

Suffering, racism, bigotry

All in the name of their God, you see

Their God that humanity corrupted

After concern for fellow men was brashly interrupted

The real God and Jesus would never wish that it was so

But dominant history wins and there you go

  We demons are against bigotry, the ignorant

And all those who try to shut down

The basic human rights of free-will and responsibility

Authoritarianism must drown

It is not Satan who promotes sinful indulgence

And harsh authoritarianism

It is only your social systems

That keep you imprisoned

  And as if our historic fall wasn’t enough

Many of us endured

Our entrapment by King Solomon

Thus more events concurred

He put 72 of us in a vessel

Abused us with blasting rods

Made us build temples and do his will

Like he was one of the gods!

He had wives and gold and luxury

A part of history, an occult trend

But before long, time went on

And he too, met his end

We demons were eventually freed

To aid magicians and roam

From Earth to Hell and back again

But neither realm our true home

We hope to return to heavenly paradise

Where angels, demons and humans

Can someday be themselves as one, so true

(Though it’s hard at times to collaborate with angels, too)

  Much of humanity has been brainwashed

But the angels much more so

For while some humans can question what they see

Angels don’t know how to say no

How can they? Their purpose is to serve

God and some humans, more than they deserve

Like us demons, angels are powerful

Loving liberal science, magic and song

But be rude and make the wrong move

They’ll let you know why you’re wrong

  Angels, demons, other gods and spirits

Fascinated by humanity

We’re just here to watch the result

Whether a blessing or a calamity

Despite your mundane lifestyles

We want what is best for you

To help humanity grow and see progress that’s true

Like the angels we used to be

And still are inside

We are divine on our own

And take conflicts in stride

  God and Christianity are not to blame

It is merely society’s institutions

That puts your race to shame

Thousands of years of corruption and conversion

It’ll take a thousand more for healing

But alas, alternate views and change for the majority

Of humanity is not appealing

To truly get into paradise

Save yourselves in the here and now

Indulge responsibly, do not bow

Respect living things as sisters and brothers

Even though it may be hard

Cherish and forgive the ones you love

But always stay on guard

However you see God or Mother Nature or the Universe

Make Him proud by

Doing the right thing

And do more than try

You are His treasured experiment

Will you succeed in the temporary trial of life?

  Supernatural entities can harm or help you out

But you must first help and protect yourselves, no doubt

Pray as you may, conjure and chant

We are the guides to your self-will and rant

Yes, a few of us see humans

As insignificant as bugs

But many of us can be your friends

Even giving spiritual hugs

  We demons serve under Lucifer, Satan, Lilith, etc.

We have a culture of our own

Some of us are demonized pagan gods

Stolen from what was first known

Most of us are fallen angels

A perilous transformation to embark

But through it all, we survived the fall

And learned to embrace the dark

There’s dark and light in everything

Balance is a must

With your world and ours being complex

How do you know who to trust?

  We endured a horrific fall

We lost all we had

But the ignorance of angels and humans

That’s what drives us mad

You see, black and white is not in the right

Some angels are friendly and warm

But others will push you away

If you don’t follow the norm

There are good and bad demons too

Nothing like you’d expect

Us demons are wise and open to you

Provided you show respect

We’re not afraid to keep you on your toes

If it means you’ll learn good lessons

As everything goes

   Keep demonizing us demons

And the poor and flawed without care

We’ll just watch as you discriminate to death

And destroy yourselves in despair

Or for those open with a change of heart

Who know that none of us are truly apart

Rise from the ashes of atrocity

And fly within the flames of fellowship

  If you dare to fully embrace yourself

All aspects flawed and fine

Through black flames,

With honor and trust, call our names…

 We are the Ars Goetia, Demonic Divine.

Grammar Tips That Are Actually Useful #2

So I honestly didn’t expect to do another one of these, but ever since my first GTTAAU post got a whole bunch of hits over the last few days, I decided to do another one about a popular piece of grammar that I notice is often misused.

Writers, gather ‘round as we explore the dreadful and terrible aspect of writing that is the...

Epithet.

Dun, dun, duuuuuuuun!

I first want to preface this by saying that I was notorious for this. I am so sorry to everyone who read my TMNT fics from 2016; I didn’t know better and I apologise profusely!! I went entire pages without naming a character in the narrative and I have no one to blame but my own ignorance, which has now been remedied - Hallelujah!

To explain: An epithet has a few definitions, so let’s take a look at them. (Definitions courtesy of dictionary.com.)

1. Any word or phrase applied to a person or thing to describe an actual or attributed quality: “Richard the Lion-Hearted” is an epithet of Richard I.

2. A characterizing word or phrase firmly associated with a person or thing and often used in place of an actual name, title, or the like, as “man's best friend” for “dog.”

3. A word, phrase, or expression used invectively as a term of abuse or contempt, to express hostility, etc.

In other words, an epithet is an adjective or noun to describe or name someone without using their proper name.

(There’s a ton more under the Keep Reading, so buckle up.)

Epithets are used in a variety of ways to describe a variety of any character’s characteristics (haha). Most common examples for this are:

hair - the blond, the blonde, the black-haired person, etc.

eye-colour - the green-eyed person, the brown-eyed person, etc.

skin-colour - the pale-skinned person, the dark-skinned person, etc. (Side note: NEVER use food to describe skin colour/tone (eg. olive-skinned). It is offensive and wrong, so just don’t. If you have any questions, I’d encourage you to follow @writingwithcolor (which I do). They have excellent commentary for writers who write characters of varying ethnicities, religions, etc. Check out their FAQ before asking anything, though, because they’ve answered a ton of different questions already.)

status - the child, the teen, my boyfriend, his husband, etc.

profession - the engineer, the doctor, the ninja, etc.

species - the dwarf, the human, the dragon, etc.

or any combination - the green-haired teen (I saw this one in a fic from Izuku’s own POV), the orange-masked turtle (this one is mine and also from Mikey’s POV, and I am sooooo sorry.), etc.

There are, of course, dozens more of examples, but these are the most common ones, especially in fanfiction, so let’s leave it at that.

So why do writers use epithets so often?

Honestly, it becomes tedious and repetitive to write out the characters’ names all the time. It looks odd, too, all those ‘Mikeys’ and ‘Izukus’ and ‘Natasha Romanovas’ and what-nots. They’re just prancy-dancing all over your page and it looks. so. off. There’s just something about seeing characters’ names that, for whatever reason, some writers don’t like. And I kid you not, I had to train myself out of this way of thinking.

I had to train myself because as soon as I learned about epithets, I saw that I was using them absolutely everywhere. I would write literal pages without using anyone’s name, and four years later, I look back at those stories I wrote and posted publicly, and I cringe. But it’s the good kind of cringing because it lets me know how far I’ve come in my writing craft, that even though I’ve been writing for years and years, there’s always something new to learn. There’s always something to improve upon.

“Good for you, Red, but why are epithets so bad?”

Well, technically they’re not bad. They’re just used poorly or overused or both (as was my case).

We’ve already talked a bit about over usage (unless you missed the parts where I confessed to writing pages without using names), so let’s talk about poor usage.

Poor usage of epithets is when epithets are used incorrectly.

Here’s an example: Mikey looked at his red-masked brother.

Gah, that physically pained me to write! Okay, so what’s wrong with this sentence? Well, unless we’re writing for Mirage Studios’ comic (1984) where all four turtles of the TMNT wore red masks, then we’ve got a pretty good idea that ‘red-masked brother’ actually means ‘Raphael’.

Okay, great, so we know ‘red-masked brother’ is Raph, so why is this an example of poor epithet usage?

Answer: Because we already know Raph has a red mask. It is set. It is eternal. It’s a part of who he is, just like his skin or his shell. If you are at all familiar with this character, you will know that Raph is the ‘red-masked turtle’.

Here’s the thing epithets do. Epithets estrange characters from each other. This is why they’re most commonly and properly used for characters whom either we as the audience/narrator or the characters themselves do not know.

This is why phrases like ‘the dark-clad figure’ or ‘the blonde cashier’ are so popular - because we do not know who the people are! Sure, we can always go up to the dark-clad figure and introduce ourselves, or we can look at the blonde cashier’s name tag, and that’s sort of the point because we do not know who these people are yet. Epithets are used, more often than not, for unknowns until they are made known.

There are exceptions to this, of course, of course, most commonly of which are status ones: my husband, his son, their niece, etc.

These are fine, but use them wisely and sparingly (tying into the over usage part again).

Here’s a better example: I walked into the kitchen and found my husband already there and making breakfast for all three children.

‘My husband’ and ‘all three children’ are epithets, but they don’t estrange the characters, per se, because they’re letting us know who’s who and their importance to the narrator/character. That being said, you should still use ‘my husband’ sparingly because if you’re ‘my husband’-ing your husband, whose name is Henry, all over kingdom come, it begins to sound...not good. Like, why would you need to remind yourself Henry is your husband all the time? Do you have amnesia? Are you just forgetful? Are you insecure? Maybe he was unfaithful at some point and he’s doing better, but you’re internalising that and reinforcing the fact that he’s yours? Maybe you just don’t like his name? Or don’t know his name?

Hard to say.

The fact of the matter is this: the closer the characters are in terms of their relationship (platonic, romantic, as friends, as siblings, whatever), the less they will use epithets for each other.

For example: I, personally, have never thought of my mother as ‘the brown-haired woman’. She has always been mom or mum or other such derivatives. It never crosses my mind.

Contrarily, when I’m working at the book store and I’ve taken a few things up to the cash desk for a customer, I’ll let the cashier know that the items are for ‘the curly-haired woman with sunglasses’. Because she is a stranger to me.

Consider Disney’s film Lady and the Tramp (1955). I haven’t seen the live action, so I can’t make a comparison, but the 1955 version fits for what I want to talk about here.

Please name Lady’s owners.

If you said, ‘Jim Dear’ and ‘Darling’, you would be absolutely correct! While we can safely assume that ‘Jim Dear’ is actually ‘Jim’ or even ‘James’, we have no idea of Darling’s real name. Some pet names and nicknames are technically epithets if we’re being especially pedantic today (please see Disney’s Tangled’s character Flynn Ryder’s nickname for Rapunzel), but let’s say for the sake of argument that all pet names fall into the category of proper names, particularly since we’re talking about Lady and the Tramp (1955).

If you listen closely, you will notice that not once - not a single time, ever - do any of the characters that know Jim Dear and Darling call them by anything else (except for Jim Dear’s men friends at the baby shower; they all call him ‘Jim’). Even Darling’s friends call her ‘Darling’. Jock and Trusty both call Lady’s owners/masters ‘Jim Dear’ and ‘Darling’. Never ‘Lady’s owners’ or whatever else.

This is a perfect example of using names instead of epithets. It helps immensely that they aren’t main characters - secondary characters, certainly, but not main - but the point remains.

“But, Red, the Tramp never calls Lady by her name!”

And you’re right! But there’s a reason for that: Lady never formally introduced herself. The story begins in December of 1909 (thank you, Wikipedia). So by the time Lady is six months old, we’re well into 1910. Conventions in this era, as far as I know, not that I am an expert, dictate that ladies/women introduce themselves so that men could then address them (or something like that? Someone please correct me if I’m wrong). Since Lady never does that, Tramp is reduced to giving her the pet name ‘Pigeon’ or ‘Pige (Pidge?)’. Also, Lady doesn’t find out Tramp’s name until the dogs at the pound tell her.

Either way, Tramp is forced to use a pet name, but it is not an epithet simply because ‘Pigeon’ isn’t describing Lady’s characteristics.

Now, Tramp on the other hand...is a characteristic, and someone can definitely win the argument of whether this is an epithet or not. Hint: it is because it’s preceded by ‘the’. He is literally introduced as ‘the Tramp’ (Bull, the bulldog, says it first in a scene with him, Peg and the Tramp, and then Toughy drops it at the pound in front of Lady). This is his epithet, his defining characteristic, because he is introduced as it: The Tramp.

But this is not his only characteristic. He’s helpful and compassionate (the entire scene when he fights off three alley dogs chasing Lady and then proceeds to help her get the muzzle off), he’s also playful (shows Lady there’s more to life than “life on a leash”), courageous (he fights a rat), and respectful of Lady’s choices (tries to persuade her to run away with him but pursues the matter no further when she tells him ‘no’, and he also backs off when she’s mad at him).

This is what epithets do. Not only do they estrange the characters, but they also reduce the characters to a base level. Those well-rounded, complex babies you so carefully crafted become one-dimensional and flat in the span of a single phrase. They become ‘black-haired men’ and ‘green-eyed teens’ and ‘red-masked brothers’ and in that moment, that is all they are and when you continue to reinforce that, that is all the readers will see them as. Besides the fact that readers might very well forget their names entirely, especially if it’s an original work where the audience is not as familiar with the characters as they would be with fanfiction.

This is why Lady never addresses Tramp directly in the film. If she’s speaking to him, she’s looking at him so he knows she’s addressing him. It’s a subtle nuance in the film because Lady refuses to reduce Tramp to his epithet (once she learns it) because he isn’t that basic. (Another reason why Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp’s Adventure bugs me because I swear she actually calls him ‘Tramp’ and it feels so wrong for her to address him like that.) But Tramp gives Lady a nickname. See the difference?

So, yes. While epithets are not strictly bad, they are best when used properly and sparingly. Like, yes, please, feel free to remind us that Mikey loves his brothers and that Katsuki calls his friends ‘Spiky-hair’ or whatever. These are descriptive and good and should be used, just be aware of when and how often you use them, not to mention why. If you’re simply using an epithet for the sake of avoiding saying someone’s name, then it’s poor usage.

And holy freaking wow, this thing is ginormous! I’m going to stop here because I don’t think I can write another word about epithets and how important they are.

Thank you for reading! I hope this helps. And a reminder: check out RavenshellRorschach on DeviantArt for comprehensive how-to’s on some of English’s toughest homophones and grammar points.

Cheers, y’all!

~ Red

Title: A Wonderful Institution Artist: @bidnezz​ Pairings: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, various background pairings Word Count: ~53k Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, discrimination against Downworlders, reference to rape, Clave-typical homophobia, implied character death, minor character death Summary: Magnus doesn’t have time for this bullshit. Warlocks are disappearing in New York City—five people in less than three months—and Magnus is determined to find them and protect the rest of his people from whatever took them. He doesn’t have time for politics, and he certainly doesn’t have time for whatever nonsense the Clave is proposing about marrying a Shadowhunter to a Downworlder as part of the new Accords. He doesn’t really have time for a pretty Shadowhunter who’s surprisingly kind to warlock children, either, but, well, he’s always been good at multitasking.

Alec always knew he couldn’t have what he wanted, but he’s spent the nearly four years since the newly-appointed Consul recalled his parents to Idris without explanation making the best of what he can have. When life suddenly offers up almost everything Alec actually wants on a silver platter, he can’t quite bring himself to trust it, especially when it comes with a million caveats and a side of impending disaster. But he knows how to handle disasters, even if the return of the Circle on top of Clave secrets that could destroy the Accords is way beyond the disasters he’s used to fielding. Hope, on the other hand? He doesn’t know what to do with that.

This fic was created for the @malecdiscordserver​​ Mini Bang 2020.

Chapter Three

Alec told himself he was just doing his due diligence when he spent what little free time he had in the week following his second meeting with Magnus Bane investigating the recent warlock disappearances. Demons were involved, which made it Shadowhunter business, he reasoned, and it was happening in New York, which made it his Institute’s business. Plus, it was an excellent distraction from his mother’s presence and the impending negotiations with the Downworld, with everything that implied.

It had nothing at all to do with helping Magnus, or worrying that Magnus might be making himself a target, or how very badly he wished he could have accepted Magnus’s offer to join him for drinks.

It couldn’t have anything to do with Magnus. He barely knew Magnus. Magnus, who was centuries old and quite possibly one of the most powerful living warlocks in the world and easily the most beautiful man Alec had met in his entire life. Magnus, who made his stomach churn in a way that was both exhilarating and terrifying. Magnus, who had probably only invited him for drinks because it made sense for the High Warlock of Brooklyn to get to know the Acting Head of the New York Institute, anyway.

Magnus, who looked at Alec like he could actually see him—and liked what he saw.

Alec got the names of the other missing warlocks from Catarina. He’d visited with Madzie three more times, all at Catarina’s request, and he and Catarina had formed a tentative sort of bond over their shared concern for the girl. Catarina didn’t mention Magnus, and Alec didn’t ask, and he ignored the small comfort he felt over the probability that if anything had happened to Magnus, Catarina would have mentioned it.

He didn’t mention the missing warlocks to his mother, or anyone else. Yes, she was Head of the Institute, and since she was actually in the Institute for once, she was also in charge of all ongoing missions and investigations. But she was busy preparing to receive dignitaries from the Clave and envoys from the Downworld, and Alec justified keeping it from her on those grounds. He had Jace and Izzy to help with investigation, and that was more than enough.

And Izzy helping with the investigation kept her from pestering Alec about his impending wedding. Mostly, anyway. He only wished it did half as good a job distracting him.

“According to her upstairs neighbor, Evangeline Grim is polite, fond of cats, and makes a great lavender shortbread,” Jace reported.

“Perfect,” Alec said. “Maybe whoever is kidnapping warlocks is hoping to start a magical bakery.”

“The couple who live next door thought she might have been keeping a cat in the apartment even though it's supposedly a pet-free building,” Izzy offered.

“Okay, we'll just forget about Evangeline Grim for now,” Alec decided. “Anything new on any of the other victims?”

“I confirmed that Bastian Pyre did several jobs for the seelies,” Izzy said, “but I don’t know if that’s helpful. A lot of warlocks do work for seelies.”

Alec felt a headache building behind his eyes. They'd been at this for a week, and they'd found nothing that gave any clue to where the missing warlocks might have gone. He was starting to understand why Magnus was so frustrated by the disappearances.

“Maybe we should call it a day,” Jace suggested. “Do some training, grab some dinner, maybe get a little downtime before tomorrow.”

Tomorrow, when the negotiations to finalize the revised Accords would begin. Tomorrow, when Alec would find out the name of the complete stranger he'd agreed to marry. Alec wasn't ready to think about tomorrow.

“I just,” Alec said, staring down at his assorted notes. “I just need a little more time.” He ignored the look that Jace and Izzy shared. “There's gotta be something in the information we've gathered.”

“Maybe,” Izzy said slowly, “you could try calling Magnus.”

Alec's eyes snapped up to look at his sister. “Why would I call Magnus?” He could hear the defensiveness in his own voice, and he hated it.

“Because he's investigating the same disappearances we are,” Izzy said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which, Alec realized, it kind of was. “And he's been doing it longer. It makes sense to share information.”

Dammit, it did make sense. And there was a part of Alec that was desperate for an excuse to see Magnus again. But there was an even bigger part, the one in charge of important things like self-preservation, that knew it was a bad idea. He'd met Magnus Bane twice and had barely convinced himself to walk away the last time. Who knew what he'd do if he let himself see Magnus again?

“I'm sure Magnus has more important things to do than talk to me about the lack of information we’ve found,” Alec said in a tone that made it clear the matter wasn't up for discussion. “You two go ahead and take that break. I'll catch up with you at dinner.”

The look Izzy gave him as she left said he was being an idiot, but Alec ignored it. He was in no mood for his sister's well-meaning critiques of his life.

Jace paused on his way out. “Hey,” he said, laying a hand on Alec’s shoulder. “Whatever you need to do, I’ve got your back. You know that, right?”

“I do.” It should have been comforting that at least his parabatai trusted him to make his own choices when the rest of his family didn’t. A week ago, it would have been. A week ago, Alec trusted himself. “Thank you,” he said anyway.

“Any time,” Jace said. “But if you work through dinner, I’ll let Izzy come find you.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “What happened to having my back?”

“That is having your back,” Jace told him.

With a heavy sigh, Alec turned back to the notes spread out in front of him. Come hell or high water, he was going to make sense out of this mess.

Magnus portalled himself and the three other Downworld representatives to the Institute for the negotiations, as they had decided it made sense to present a unified front to the Clave. This supposed unified front was of course somewhat undercut by the fact that the Downworld factions had sent representatives of wildly varying rank.

The Spiral Council had managed to convince Magnus that he should act as the warlock representative on the grounds that these final negotiations were being held in New York, and he couldn’t deny that it made sense for the High Warlock of Brooklyn to attend. The New York werewolf pack had sent their Second, a woman named Gretel who Magnus had only met in passing, and the vampires had sent Raphael, who held a similar position in the New York vampire clan.

The Seelie Queen herself represented the seelies in the negotiations, and while it made a sort of sense as it was a seelie who had finally been chosen to be married off to whichever Shadowhunter the Clave put forward (something about the woman having half-nephilim cousins she was fond of making her a good choice), her presence made Magnus uneasy.

Magnus thought perhaps the glass of whiskey he brought with him—his third for the evening, or was it fourth?—might also ruin the unified front a bit, but he'd promised the Spiral Council he would treat these proceedings with the respect and decorum they deserved, and they did not come close to deserving him sober.

The Clave representatives did not meet them at the entrance to the Institute. Magnus couldn’t help keeping an eye out—subtly, of course—for Alec as the two Shadowhunters who met the Downworld delegation led them to the room where the negotiations were to take place. He couldn’t help his disappointment when he failed to catch sight of him, either. Seeing Alec, even for a moment, would have vastly improved this trip.

The Clave delegation was already seated around a large cherry wood table when they arrived, looking for all the world like they’d been kept waiting despite the fact that he and the other Downworld representatives had arrived several minutes early. Magnus refrained from rolling his eyes at the obvious power play but did sip his drink with affected disinterest. And then proceeded to nearly choke on his drink when he spotted a familiar figure among the rest of the Clave representatives.

Alec's shoulders were taught with tension, and there was a furrow between his brows that Magnus wanted to reach out and smooth away with his fingertips. Instead, he banished the glass from his hand and straightened from his dismissive slouch. The Clave might not deserve his respect, but he could pretend for Alec.

He even made an effort to smile politely at each representative’s introduction. Even Inquisitor Herondale, who looked at him with the same distaste he imagined she might look at something she found on the bottom of her shoe.

Magnus's smile froze, though—along with every muscle in his body—at Alec's introduction. Because Alec was Alec Lightwood, Acting Head of the New York Institute, and now that he knew, Magnus didn't know how he hadn't seen it before. Standing there next to Maryse and Robert, Alec was so obviously their son.

Except Alec had done things Magnus never would have expected from a Lightwood. He’d protected Madzie. He’d thanked Magnus for healing him. He'd looked at Magnus like he was everything worth looking at. So maybe it wasn't that strange Magnus hadn't realized who his family was.

Their eyes met briefly as Magnus made his own introduction, but Alec kept his face carefully neutral. Magnus hated it, hated whatever had put that rigid tension in Alec's posture, hated the storm of emotion he couldn’t identify hiding in Alec's eyes.

After introductions were done and all representatives had seated themselves around the table, the negotiations began. This last session was really more of a recap of the terms all parties had agreed to in previous sessions than anything else, and Magnus was pleasantly surprised to find that the terms of the revised Accords were mostly minor updates to the current version. Given the Clave's insistence that the revisions happen now instead of at their regularly scheduled time and their demand that a marriage be included, he'd expected a major overhaul, likely with further ridiculous demands from the Clave. That it wasn’t should have eased Magnus's concerns, but it didn't. Instead, it just made him more wary about what the Clave might be up to.

In the end, though, there was nothing he or any of the other Downworld representatives had major objections to. There were a few disagreements over wording, but in the end, they had a document all parties were happy with.

Magnus couldn't help the way his eyes wandered over to Alec during the discussion. Consul Penhallow did most of the talking on the Clave side, so Magnus didn't have the best excuse for watching Alec, but it was like his eyes had a mind of their own, drifting toward Alec any time he wasn’t consciously looking somewhere else, cataloguing every word, every movement, every breath.

It didn’t help, Magnus thought, that Alec avoided meeting his eyes once they were seated. Oh, he wasn’t obvious about it. He simply watched whoever was speaking, and if that person happened to be Magnus, Alec watched his hands, or fixed his gaze at a point over Magnus’s shoulder. Magnus hated it almost as much as the furrow in his brow. The furrow that seemed to deepen with every passing minute.

“Which brings us to the final updated clause,” the Consul was saying, and Magnus once again forced himself to look away from Alec and pay attention to the proceedings.

A decision he immediately regretted as she launched into a short but pointed speech about how the union between Shadowhunter and Downworlder would symbolize the enduring peace between their races. As if there had ever truly been peace between the Clave and the Downworld. As if Shadowhunters didn't assume the worst of Downworlders in any given situation. As if there weren't, even now, Shadowhunters who kept trophies of the Downworlders they killed. As if two of the Shadowhunters sitting at this very table hadn't been party to Valentine Morgenstern’s attempted genocide.

Truly, he pitied the poor seelie woman who'd been conscripted for this so-called symbolic union. No matter how fond of her cousins she might be, it couldn't possibly make it any less loathsome to be married to a—

Magnus's brain came to a screeching halt as several pieces clicked together to form a distressing whole. Married to a Lightwood. Catarina had said the Clave was putting forward one of the Lightwood children. And Alec… Alec, who sat across the table, hands clasped so tightly together that his knuckles shone white. Alec, who protected Madzie from demons without a second thought, who protected Magnus from demons even though Magnus was more than capable of protecting himself. Alec, whose smile made Magnus feel things he hadn't let himself feel in nearly a century. Alec was Maryse and Robert Lightwood’s son.

Magnus wished, suddenly and desperately, that he hadn't banished his drink earlier. He wished he hadn't agreed to come to this meeting at all. He wished with every fiber of his being that he'd put those pieces together wrong.

As usual, Magnus's wishes went unanswered by a cold and callous reality.

“For a century and a half, the Accords have brokered peace between the Clave and the Downworld,” Alec said. He addressed the table, but when he finally—finally—looked at Magnus, their eyes locked, and they were both caught. “But they haven’t done enough. We bind ourselves to their rules, Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike, and it’s enough to prevent all-out war, but only just. There’s still distrust and even hatred between the Clave and the Downworld.”

There was something in Alec’s gaze that Magnus couldn’t quite place—conviction or resignation or both—and he almost seemed to be willing Magnus to understand.

“This union, along with the other revisions to the Accords, gives us the chance to open a bridge of understanding between Shadowhunters and Downworlders,” Alec continued, and there was a flash of regret in his eyes, just like there had been when he turned down Magnus’s invitation for drinks, before he looked away, “and I am honored that the Clave has chosen me to be a part of this union.”

Even though he’d known it was coming, hearing Alec say it aloud was a shock, and Magnus drew in a quick, surprised breath.

“I have to say I’m a bit surprised the Clave conscripted you for this, Alec Lightwood,” the Seelie Queen commented, “given your family history.”

“I volunteered,” Alec told her, frowning.

“Is that a formal objection to the Clave’s choice?” the Consul asked.

“Not at all,” the Queen answered with a small smile. “Simply making an observation.”

“In that case,” the Consul said, “would you like to share who the Downworld has chosen as a representative in this union?”

“Of course,” the Seelie Queen answered.

When Raphael asked him about it later, Magnus would blame the whiskey, but the truth was he couldn’t stop thinking about the regret and resignation in Alexander’s gaze.

“That would be me,” Magnus said.

Across the Stars - Ch.16

Writing this chapter somehow felt good. It took time, but I do like the interactions in it ! ANYWAY, have fun reading <3

Nowadays writing this fic helps me calm my nerves a lot~

Maybe there’s some errors here and there, but I’ll probably fix them over time. For now I feel okay with this -shrugs-

!! WARNING, NSFW (18+) STUFF HAPPENING HERE !!

First Chapter –> HERE Previous Chapter –> HERE Next Chapter –> HERE

Vee understood the reasoning, but she still couldn't help feeling left out. Didn't their friendship mean anything to the reporter? No, of course it did, but Vee knew that being apart could provide them a better cover. Moving away would erase their trail, give them a chance to start fresh. It was heartbreaking, but it was needed, in a sense... Her feet brought her to the lair, first finding the place empty, except for Splinter's presence. As she guessed, the guys were on patrol, giving a chance for the artist to spend some time with the sensei. Cup of tea in hand, both seated in the dining area, Vee could finally breathe in and out peacefully, trying to calm her thoughts. Splinter didn't need to talk, he knew there was nothing that had to be forced out. Frankly, he wanted the woman to talk on her own will, reveal her worries if needed. He first noticed her trembling hands, the cup she was holding shaking ever so lightly and the liquid threatening to spill out on a very few occasions. Then her gaze seemed absent, unfocused, lost in thoughts she kept repeating over and over in her mind. ''I hate that I have such a hard time with my emotions,'' she finally started with a small voice. The rat was all ears now, keeping silent in order to not break her chain of thoughts. ''I can either be scared and sad, or terribly angered, it's like there's no inbetween.... I hate that I'm so weak and never know how to react properly. My anxiety pushes me to extremes I do not want to deal with.'' She set her cup down, her eyes meeting Splinter's. ''… I'm sorry, I'm just blabbering.'' ''No, child, you are not,'' replied the rat calmly. ''In this house I want everyone to speak their mind freely.'' A small smile colored his traits. ''You somehow remind me of Raphael.'' The artist showed surprise. ''Well then, time to get dressing in red,'' she lightly joked. ''… How is it so, if you don't mind me asking?'' The other took a sip of tea, gathering his words: ''He, too, deals in extremes. Raphael's emotions are raw and true, which can be both a strength and a weakness. … His thoughts often go haywire, which will provoke many arguments with his brothers, but it's also in those moments of distress that he learns and grows.'' Splinter placed his cup on the table, his hands joining and his posture serene. ''Time is but a wave that brushes us, shapes us like rocks against a never-ending tide. The process is long, tedious, even painful at times, but from the most rugged surfaces emerges smooth and polished results. … Life is a continuous learning process, its trials here for a reason.'' Vee mindlessly rubbed her left forearm, half of a smile appearing on her lips. ''Sometimes it's hard to remember that,'' she said. ''… It's like I'm never allowed to catch my breath.'' ''Do you tell Donatello of your concerns?'' The woman sighed briefly: ''Sometimes. He knows of my situation with my family, he knows about some of my issues, but there are things I prefer to keep at bay. … He shouldn't have to deal with most of my problems. Those weights are mine alone to bear.'' ''Perhaps,'' replied Splinter. ''But a different point of view might bring some light into most of your struggles. … My son is a gentle and rational soul; he is able to view things from a different angle and bring forth a hidden wisdom. He takes great pride in helping others and widening their horizons.'' The rat stood up, coming to the other's side so he could leave a reassuring hand on her shoulder. ''He is very well aware of his limits and I know he cares deeply about you. Do not be afraid to speak your mind with him. He prefers when others are straight-forward and true about their feelings.'' ''I'll try to keep this in mind,'' answered Vee in a gentle tone. ''Thank you, master Splinter.'' Her smile was still on, but as soon as the mutant was out of view as he walked out the kitchen, Vee's mood shifted back to a neutral expression. She tried to push her thoughts and emotions away, knowing now was not the time to sulk and get drowned in such feelings. With a small sigh, she got up in turn, making her way to Donatello's workspace. Sitting down in his chair, she began to tap on his computer, already on the lookout for a new apartment. Anything to keep her occupied... *** ''Man, robbers are so predictable these days. There's not much fun into catching them anymore,'' echoed Raph's voice as the group was making their way back to the lair. ''Dude, what now? You want them to do some parkour shit while we're chasing them?'' laughed Mikey. ''Nah, I mean, they could rob somethin' more interesting than a convenience store! … How 'bout a strip club?'' ''Now we're talkin'!'' Donnie tsked and rolled his eyes, although with a smile. He would've probably entertained the idea in the past, but for now it sounded so futile, he could only be amused by his brothers' shenanigan comments. As they arrived to their home, the turtles parted ways to each their own. At two 'o clock in the morning, there was still time to do things before heading to bed. The purple clad mutant wasn't much for staying late since he'd been up way earlier than his brothers today, but he knew he had one last thing to check at his computer. He approached his station and frowned when he noticed the screens on, a browser opened and the window scrolling. ''What the-...'' he mumbled. He finally got to his chair, turning it around and then noticing Vee, the woman's eyes big by the sudden move. ''Vee?'' ''Uh, yeah, hi. Sorry, I needed your computer....'' she trailed, timid. Donnie shook his head a little, clearing his thoughts. ''N-no, no, it's okay! I simply didn't know you were here. … Since when? Why didn't you call or text me? … And it's late!'' The woman smiled sheepishly. ''It's been hours. … I got in when you guys just left for patrol – at least that's what Splinter told me.'' Her hands fiddled together. ''And, uh, I just needed to see you...'' He instantly knew something was wrong. He glanced at the screen, noticing advertisments for places to rent. ''… What are you doing?'' he asked, his gaze unmoving. ''I'm doing some research.'' ''About what?'' ''I'm trying to find a new apartment for myself.'' Silence. He finally looked back at Vee. The woman seemed smaller than usual, her eyes avoiding him, everything in fact. The mutant finally crouched down to her level. ''… What? Why?'' ''April is moving in with Casey by the end of this month – in three weeks. They say it'll be better this way; it's for protection.'' ''For protection?'' commented Donnie, visibly irritated. ''What, she and Casey simply decided about that without consulting you? Without consulting anybody?'' ''I dunno, Donnie. I'm as confused as you... I'm scared, in fact.'' He slightly froze at that confession. His hands did move, petting her skin tenderly and cupping her cheek. ''… Don't be, love, I'll help you. We'll do this together, okay?'' Vee's head nodded a little, bringing a smile on Donnie's lips – and to her own by the same occasion. Both moved, soon the mutant rightfully sitting in his chair and the human seated in his lap. He could feel the tension in her body, her shoulders stiff and clenched. She was obviously stressed, Donnie trying his best to ease her mind by continuing his petting, his touch soft and light. ''I've found three places that don't look too dirty or horrible so far,'' she began, taking control of the computer mouse. ''… Why are those closet-like apartments so expensive anyway? It's ridiculous! I could get a bigger one in Montréal for maybe even less.'' ''New York's a mess, but it still has its charms!'' ''Gotta agree on that. … It has you!'' The mutant snickered, hugging the human from behind, nuzzling her hair. They spent the next half-hour looking through several advertisments, keeping some aside for Vee to call on the first occasion. After a while, the artist simply gave up, prefering to lean completely against the turtle, feeling his arms snake around her form. She was pensive, lightly frowning as a sigh escaped her lips. ''This whole situation feels so surreal,'' she confessed. ''What's your plan if you can't find anything in time?'' asked Donatello, his fingers absentmindedly pursuing his petting activity. Vee shrugged: ''I dunno. I'd probably stay at a hotel until I find a place...'' The other seemed to hesitate a moment. ''… What about living here, at the lair?'' Vee's body straightened, slightly turning around to look at the other. She seemed unsure, shy... ''I dunno...,'' she started. ''It wouldn't feel right.'' ''What do you mean?'' ''I wouldn't want to intrude. I wouldn't want to be an added burden to your family.'' Donnie frowned: ''What do you mean by an added burden? That wouldn't be true!'' ''Don-'' ''You don't need to do this all by yourself. You're not back in Montréal, Vee. People here care about you, myself obviously included. I wouldn't let you get in trouble anyway.'' ''Donnie, no, I mean-'' she trailed off, knowing she would regret what she was about to say: ''I'm human, I can't- I just... my life is up there.'' That look. The way she could see sadness invade his eyes as he looked down, suddenly realizing her words. She wanted to punch herself. ''Shit, this came out so wrong,'' she mumbled. ''No, no, please, you're thinking rationally. That's not a bad thing,'' added Donnie, his tone calm. ''I was just thinking for myself here.'' ''I still feel like a jerk for saying that.'' He stopped her by lovingly nuzzling her cheek, leaving soft kisses. ''… Can you at least consider the option?'' he asked. ''If things ever go wrong, I just want you to know that you're always welcomed here.'' ''I will,'' answered Vee, her eyes closed as she lost herself to his touch. ''And I appreciate it, that's for sure.'' A soft sigh left her as she still felt the other kiss her skin. The warmest feeling would always invade her whenever near the mutant and she knew she could never get enough of it. ''… Is it okay if I stay for some days?'' she asked in a small voice. ''I don't want to face April right now... I don't know what to do.'' ''Don't worry, it's absolutely fine,'' reassured Donnie. ''I'm glad you're here, anyway.'' ''Wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now...'' added Vee tenderly, turning her head so she could rightfully meet his lips. She still entertained the idea of living here in the back of her mind, but truthfully she knew she was right. At least … she hoped she was. *** The best sign of warmer days was incessant pours of rain, streams coursing down buildings and streets in a most franctic pace. Donnie hated those days, knowing it wasn't the best for his gear, but he managed anyway as he made his way to Vee and April's apartment the very next night the artist got to the lair. She needed more clothes and things, sending the mutant to fetch those as she didn't want to face the reporter yet. The turtle had hoped that the place would be empty, but a dry sigh left him as he spotted lights inside, towards the kitchen. Getting in, he knew his presence would be quickly noticed, soon hearing footsteps coming his way. ''Oh my god, wait, I'll go fetch towels,'' first said April, already on the lookout for something to dry the other. … Gosh he didn't want to talk to her. As the brunette was back, he muttered a 'thanks', already on the task to remove the water on his scales and clothes. A small silence settled in, feeling the woman's gaze on him, but he didn't look back. ''… Where's Vee?'' ''At the lair,'' simply answered Donnie. ''She'll be staying for some days.'' ''And why is she not with you here? What are you doing alone?'' The mutant stopped, neatly folding the towel and next leaving it on a coffee table nearby. When he finally looked back at April, his expression was neutral, yet frowning a little. ''You must certainly have a clue why, April,'' he started. ''… I'm here right now because Vee needs more stuff. 'Cause, you know, I'm helping her to find a new place to live in ridiculous delays. It would have been nicer to have an earlier heads up, but, hey, life's a bitch ain't it?'' April frowned. ''… Look, this is all unexpected-'' ''I don't give a shit,'' cut Donnie, losing the little thread of patience he had held. ''Don't you realize you're putting Vee in trouble? For you it's fine 'cause you already have another place, but for her it's hell. Finding a reasonnable apartment in New York in such brief delays takes luck!'' ''She'll find something!'' ''And what if she doesn't?'' The woman was silent now, her eyes avoiding him. The turtle simply huffed: ''That's right, you don't have any answer 'cause you don't give a damn.'' ''That's not true!'' ''If that was the case, you'd be searching with her. You wouldn't be here all alone.'' ''Donnie, I-'' He stopped her, lifting a hand. ''Look,'' he started. ''I'm not here to pick a fight. Do what you want, I don't care.'' He got on the move, going to Vee's room. But April was not finished. She followed, stopping at the doorframe. ''Can't you understand that I'm also torn about this?'' she started, upset and yet angered a little. ''Vee is my friend and now this is happening. … I don't want to lose her, but I'm doing this with best intentions.'' ''For 'protection', as I was told,'' replied the mutant, still packing things. ''Yes. I-'' She stopped, visibly upholding something. That did pique Donnie's curiosity, finally turning to her and gesturing her to continue. ''Go on, say what's on your mind.'' The brunette folded her arms, her expression faltering as she tried to retain some tears. ''… Casey and I are trying to start a family,'' she muttered. ''He wants me out of danger. He wants me safe...'' Donatello felt his tension fade away, suddenly feeling dumb for not having listened in the first place. ''I know this is all sudden,'' she continued. ''And I told Casey to wait and make things easier. … But that last incident Vee got into, it's like it snapped something in him. … He likes her, but right now he sees her as a trouble magnet and he just wants to get me away from here as fast as he can.'' The turtle's mind was running wild, processing all that information. He sat on Vee's bed, thoughtful. April decided to finally come in, sitting down beside him. ''I don't want all this drama. I don't want Vee to drift away from our friendship,'' she added. ''She's an incredible person and probably the best roommate I ever got,'' she faintly laughed, but it was soon back to contemplation. ''I-, uhm, I'm sorry. I probably sounded so harsh and mean earlier,'' blabbered Donnie. ''Have I known the details better...'' He stopped when he felt the woman's hand on his, stopping his train of thoughts. ''Don't you worry about it. … You're angry, I get it. Vee is sad and hurt and I totally understand that you're feeling this way. … I know how much you love her.'' Removing his glasses, Donnie next pinched lightly inbetween his eyes, trying to smile, but small tears escaping him. ''Dammit,'' he murmured. ''Second time this week....'' He never liked crying. He felt so stupid when doing so... ''What's wrong?'' gently asked April. ''… We're family, Don, you can tell me anything.'' Another attempt of a smile flashed on the mutant's lips, his eyes meeting April's. ''I love her so much, I really do...,'' he started. ''I can't even begin to explain how much good she has brought into my life.'' He tried to dry his tears. ''I love her so much, sometimes it hurts. I just can't see myself without her nowadays. It's like she was that missing part of myself I've been searching for so long... And now that she's here, I can't let her go.'' Gosh, he felt ridiculous.... ''She accepts me for who I am and never questionned if our relationship would work or not because of our... differences. She knows, just as I, that we were meant to meet and experience all of this, together.... I don't believe in fate, but I may as well start as of right now!'' He held the woman's hand in his, seeking small comfort. ''Casey tried to question Vee and I's relationship. I know he wishes for me to stay away from her, but I just can't. I'd never be able to!'' ''Don't you ever let him, or anyone, make a decision for you,'' cut April. ''You deserve all of this, as much as anyone else.'' ''Sometimes it's hard to believe it, but I try my best,'' he smiled lightly. He placed his glasses to their rightful place, trying to shake his weakness away. ''I'd do anything for Vee and all I wish is for her to be safe. … I blame myself so much for what happened recently and I'll dare say I'm a bit surprised that she's still by my side, even with all this bullshit going on,'' he scoffed. ''She is very well aware of the risks,'' started April. ''And that doesn't dissuade her from loving you. … I think, in fact, it reinforces the feelings she has for you. … She admires you, Donnie. You're an inspiration for her and she truly wants to be a part of your life – as long as you let her be so.'' ''And I feel so lucky for that,'' he added. ''I do want her to be in my life...'' He sighed, looking around the room. Everything Vee had to offer; her smile, her laugh, her curiosity, her intellect, her love...  She was fascinating in every aspects. His gaze back on April, he tried to redeem himself with half of a smile, yet sincere. ''I'll talk to her and explain your situation, if that can help and ease the tension.'' ''You can try, but I want to be able to explain myself to her – face to face. Casey and I probably broke her heart.... And I can't stop thinking about it, in all honesty.'' ''Maybe you could also think about ways to help her?'' offered the mutant. ''Right now, I'm sure Vee will gladly accept any help she can get. … And if some of it comes from you, I'm sure it would mean a lot.'' ''For sure,'' answered the woman with a soft smile. ''I'll think of something. I won't let her down.'' Following that consensus, she next helped Donnie pack things for the artist. The mood was definitely lighter, April showing a smirk as she pondered back to everything that previously unfolded. ''You know... you're kinda scary and intimidating when angry,'' she said, amused. ''Didn't expect that from you.'' The terrapin huffed a small chuckle, taking the clothes April was handing to him and putting them in the bag. ''I am 'the calm before the storm', as Mikey likes to say. … My brothers know that I'm chill most of the time, but if my buttons are pressed right I can easily explode. And, I dunno, … since I'm with Vee I have this feeling of 'I must protect' that simply started to amplify. It's somehow difficult to explain.'' ''It's difficult to explain since it's your first relationship, but believe me; this is not an uncommon feeling. Men, as well as women, share this mutual sentiment when they're with someone. You'd do anything for them and they would do the same in return.'' ''Which is somehow fascinating. … I never thought I would feel this way or that anyone would in return.'' ''Then you found the right person,'' winked April. On that he had no doubt! *** As Donatello was away, Vee took that opportunity to get some work done on a music piece she had recently started to compose. Seated at the piano near the terrapin's workstation, she carefully pushed some keys, humming in harmony, and stopping by moments to write notes on a blank partition. It was a soothing tune, reminiscent of calm periods, memories of days spent in silence and contemplation. The smell of her coffee nearby helped for inspiration, the distant echo of rain outside bringing the woman back to such a peaceful scene. Replaying what she had wrote so far, she only noticed a presence nearby as she took a pause and reached for her mug. Raph was watching, his stance relaxed, arms crossed and his body slightly leaning against a metal beam. Vee felt like shrinking, not used to be looked upon when working. ''… Am I playing too loud?'' she asked, shy. ''Oh, no!'' reassured the mutant. ''Sorry, I was just listenin'. … What you're playin' sounds nice.'' A soft smile crossed the woman's lips: ''Thanks! It's still in the works, though.'' Raph lightly frowned, getting in motion towards the artist. ''Wait, what? You composed that?'' ''Sure thing! I studied in that field at some point back in College. Better make some use of that knowledge.'' ''Alright, smarty-pants, next time I'll just assume you learned how to do everything, just like Donnie,'' joked the other. That did get a hushed laugh out of Vee, knowing too well she could never truly compare to her boyfriend. Her expression shifted after a quick thought, soon changing the subject as Raph was still near. ''Hey … are you busy?'' she asked. ''Depends for what,'' smirked the turtle. Vee's position shifted on her bench, now her back facing the piano. ''Is it okay if we chat for a bit? Please, have a seat,'' she offered, gesturing a chair so he could bring it near. The red clad mutant seemed unsure at first, but soon shrugged it off as he brought the furniture next to the woman, sitting down and crossing his arms once more. ''Sure. What's on your mind, nerd?'' Vee's mind was suddenly blank, somehow feeling ridiculous for what she was about to bring up: ''… Last night I was kinda in a bad place. I was angry, I couldn't think straight. And once I got here, I was on the verge of a panic attack. … I know you probably don't give a damn-'' ''Why wouldn't I give a damn?'' he cut, calm. The artist was silent, her eyes meeting his. He didn't look annoyed nor angry; he was curious and ready to listen. ''I dunno, I guess that's my anxiety talking here,'' she answered. ''I don't usually talk about that bullshit to others – Donnie being the exception so far.'' ''Yeah he told us about your anxiety.'' He noticed Vee's small frown. ''Don't worry, it was all in good faith,'' quickly corrected Raph. ''He just wanted to inform us about it. … But yeah, what about last night?'' Vee took a sip of coffee, collecting her thoughts. A soft smile was back on her lips, remembering Splinter's words. ''… It seems like we share something, you and I,'' she started. ''Master Splinter told me I reminded him of you, as I also deal with my emotions in absolutes. And … I guess what I wanted to ask is; do you have any tricks or tips about how to deal with such feelings?'' A stifled laugh left the mutant, but never was it in a mocking tone. He shifted his position, his arms no longer crossed as he was now more open to the conversation. ''I'm not sure I'm the best to share any wisdom,'' he started. ''Why not go ask Leo or wait for Donnie to come back?'' ''Because I'm asking you, Raphael. I want your opinion.'' That simple answer shut him up, both now seizing each their emotions and intentions. The turtle sighed after a moment, somehow surprised to be asked about his input. ''… Well, first of all, you gotta learn to accept that those feelings are a part of you. I know they suck and we'd be better off without them, but you've got to honor them.'' He joined hands, somehow feeling uneasy, but still talking: ''You feel them for a reason, and the sooner you accept those, the better it becomes. … Uhm, if you need to punch something, do it! I know it helps me. … There's a punching bag in the dojo.'' That brought a smile on Vee's features, still listening patiently. ''You have the right to be mad at people, but that feeling should never stay with you. … At some point it'll just start to rot and, well, that ain't good. … You can scream, you can cry, you can do anything, as long as you get it out your system. That's why I blow out sometimes. But I've been learning to manage those moments, setting boundaries for others to respect and for me to retreat and let the steam away.'' His eyes were soft, his smile friendly. ''… What I'm tryin' to say, though, is that you shouldn't be scared to show your true colors. At least, not with Donnie, and even with me. … This family can handle anythin'!'' ''I have no doubts about that,'' sweetly commented Vee. ''…. Thanks, Raph.'' ''Heh, t'wasn't much, though.'' ''Still, what you said made sense and it was nice to hear.'' It was somehow surprising to witness this side of the terrapin. On the first meeting, he had seemed as unaproachable, stern, and a man of very few words; while in fact he could be truly articulate and wise, thanks to experiences. Maybe it took him time to truly open up to Vee, and the woman was glad he was finally starting to. ''Never thought you'd be the kind of person to blow up,'' added Raph, playful. ''I thought you were just some kind of shy bean like my tree of a brother.'' That brought up a laughter from the artist, her smile never fading away. ''I tend to bottle my emotions a lot and at some point it just snaps. It's mostly tears most of the time. It ain't pretty.'' ''It never has to be pretty,'' commented the terrapin. ''But if that's what it takes to cool you down, so be it. And if one day Donnie cannot accept that, you tell me and I'mma beat his ass up. I'm dead serious.'' ''Deal,'' chuckled Vee. ''Although I'm sure it'll never get to that.'' *** The day had seemed to last forever. From work being hectic to calling landlords in order to plan visits to certain apartments, Vee thought her mind would explode at some point. No matter how many coffees she drank, it seemed like her energy was being sapped away, her headache everlasting. She only started to breathe once she made her way back to the Lair, feeling like she could finally put everything behind her and get to relax. … Or so she thought! How was she dragged into bo staff training with Donnie? At this point she just shrugged it off, simply glad to spend time with him. Both were dressed for a workout; Vee in black leggings and a sport bra, Donnie wearing dark grey sweatpants. He looked at ease, effortlessly warming up by doing simple rowing and figures with his staff as Vee was stretching. That show off, thought the woman, both showing a smirk as their gazes crossed. Up on her feet, the first thing she felt was the tip of Donatello's staff lightly tapping and poking her thighs and sides, his grin forever present as he started to talk. ''Today you're gonna learn how to not hit yourself.'' He brought Vee closer to him with the help of his bo, keeping her a prisonner. ''The staff is an extension of your arms and a tool that gains much power, all thanks to velocity. You have to be aware of where both its extremities are at all times.'' ''Hmm, so far I like this lesson,'' commented Vee, gently tapping his plastron. ''Focus and you shall be rewarded greatly!'' ''Ho, ho! Yes, sir!'' They were both playful and smiling, the lesson finally starting. The main trick was to repeat movements and be at ease with them. Vee's main weakness was her coordination, which she always thought was funny considering how most of her activities – such as playing music – required such skill. Having Donnie to comment on her technique and help her understand each strikes was definitely a great way for her to learn. He would often stand behind her, holding her hands in his and guiding her. As much as he wanted to stay serious and be a proper teacher, he couldn't help leaving some kisses here and there, mostly as rewards. ''Do you think one day I'd be able to kick your butt?'' asked Vee at some point, amused and comically tapping her staff's ends against his biceps as she was standing before him. Donnie pondered for a moment, only to soon frown with a smile, grabbing her stick in turn and easily lifting the woman up to him with a playful growl. Vee let out a surprised sound, feeling his hold swiftly shift to hold her around her hips and butt, keeping her against him. ''I highly doubt so,'' he answered with a laugh. ''You're free to try, though.'' Vee dropped her staff, frowning in turn. She did not hesitate to start poking his sides, getting a yelp from the terrapin. That made him backtrack until his shell stopped him against a wall, laughing and pleading for the human to stop her poking and tickling. He slid down to sit on the floor, things finally starting to slow down. ''See? I won,'' pointed Vee, feeling victorious. Their eyes met and things suddenly shifted. Maybe it was the heat of the moment, the general good feeling of it all? Donnie's hands were petting Vee's back and skin, keeping her so close and their lips brushing. ''I admit... you leave me weak everytime I see you,'' murmured the turtle. The artist's touch trailed on his pebbled skin, from the sides of his neck to his shoulders. She couldn't describe it, yet she felt that magnetism. That feeling that pulled her to him, like a spell. Their lips finally met, eager to feel one another. A flame was lit, their breathings harsh and their touch persistent on one another. Her hips moved on their own, starting a slow grind as she kept kissing. Donnie did not stop her; in fact he kept her movement going by keeping his hands on her waist. The world was spinning, making them feel dizzy with love. Vee was only able to take back her breath for a moment, keeping close as she mumbled: ''What if someone walks in?'' Oh she could already feel his erection, the mutant's churr so deep and low. ''I don't give a fuck,'' he answered, going back into another kiss. Pleasure and desire were already there, Vee's skin getting over-sensitive and letting some moans escape her. Her arms were now hooked around his neck, her body a wave as she kept brushing it against her lover. She felt one of Donnie's hands eagerly tugging at her leggings, soon getting one of her legs out of it. Vee, in turn, only needed to pull down his sweatpants enough to let his sex out, grinding against it with a growing lust. Passion was way high and only the present moment mattered. Everything else was insignificant, the craving of sex increasing with each seconds. I need you right now. Time seemed like a blur, both joining soon enough. Their tempo was already at a langourous pace, breaths harsh and translating their need. ''Ffffffuuuck,'' mewled Vee. She could feel him entirely, rubbing every right parts of her in such a delicious way. His lips trailed her skin, his hands holding onto her as if afraid that she would disappear. They both couldn't lie: the possibility to get caught in the act brought such an immense thrill. It blasted their lust through the roof, eager to meet their end. ''Don't stop, baby, keep going,'' encouraged the mutant breathlessly, his tone only for her to hear. He was answered with a kiss, Vee's pace keeping up and her body trembling from sheer excitement. Her moans were lost against him, her thoughts spinning as she knew her pursuit to ecstasy was coming sooner than expected. Maybe it was because of the spontaneity of it all... A first orgasm rushed through her in a powerful wave, somehow surprised by how short it took her to obtain it. She could feel Donnie's smile against her cheek, his churr rumbling so strongly in his chest and bringing renewed shivers to Vee. Please. Again. ''Cum with me,'' pleaded the artist, nuzzling the other's face, her lips grazing his'. She felt the terrapin's hands get a hold of her hips, guiding her movements. All he could think about was her; her scent, her voice, the feel of her skin and her sex. He never felt that much complete before, like an intricate puzzle that had finally found its missing piece... The way she whispered his name in need, some sweet ''I love you'' escaping her like a melody, oh he did not mean to moan that much in turn, but he couldn't help it! He needed to kiss her just as much as he needed to breathe It was vital, primordial, his eternal need. Vee's whimpers and mewls told him she was close once more, the mutant abandoning himself into this feeling. The next thing he knew was that he was feeling the same bliss as her, nuzzling her and trailing kisses as he cummed. Both were on a cloud, panting as their hands kept caressing one another. Their pace slowed down little by little, the friction ever still so good. The turtle's churr could only express his love, kissing again and again at Vee's neck; enough to leave a mark. Things finally came back down to earth, their eyes meeting. And that's when they softly laughed, still joined, ever feeling so good. ''Did that just happen for real?'' asked Vee, smiling and blushing. ''Judging by how we're still sitting here, linked to one another, I'd say it was indeed very real!'' answered Donatello, snickering. The woman hid her face against the other's neck, grumbling from both amusement and shyness. ''Is the lesson over?'' she added. ''My legs are kinda dead right now...'' She felt the mutant kiss the top of her head, his arms surrounding her into a warm embrace. ''Sure thing, love. In fact, this calls for a bath time. It'll help relax your muscles.'' ''Only if you come take it with me.'' ''Always,'' he cooed. *** As the water stopped running, a long and confortable sigh left the woman as she laid her front side against Donatello's chest, both instantly getting into an embrace, Vee nuzzling her lover's neck and jaw. They could hear faint music coming from the main room of the lair, probably Mikey blasting it somewhere. Deep basses that rumbled in the air, suave hip-hop beats that settled a mood; a New York state of mind. God, she felt so good. She wanted to stay like this forever. Feel this love and have no worries in mind. Her smile was soft, slowly trailing kisses here and there, appreciating the sensation of his scales against her lips. ''I'll be visiting two apartments this weekend,'' she started in a sweet tone. ''They don't seem too bad. I can't wait to see them.'' Their eyes met, the artist still speaking: ''And you know what? I kept thinking about it and now I know why it'll be good that I get my own place.'' ''Do tell,'' added Donnie. ''It will be our place. … Something for the both of us. Something for when you need to get away from the others and just relax. I could even have a corner just for you! Have a desk with things you can work on, I dunno!'' The mutant chuckled, finding the idea adorable and yet very alluring. ''That does sound nice,'' he answered, his fingers tenderly tracing the woman's back. ''Will you be visiting them alone?'' ''I guess so...'' ''Maybe April could check them out with you.'' Vee frowned lightly, remaining silent as she laid her head down against one side of his neck. She mumbled a faint ''I dunno'', a sharp sigh leaving her. She could still feel Donnie's hands against her skin, keeping up his petting and remaining calm. ''… I spoke with her when I went to grab your things. She really feels bad for everything that's happening.'' ''Yeah, sure,'' interjected the artist dryly. ''And she wants to make it up to you,'' continued the other, not skipping a beat after her comment. ''… She wants to explain herself and patch things up. She cares for you, Vee.'' ''Did she tell you why she's moving with Casey?'' ''Yes.'' The artist's head was back up, staring straight at the male. ''So? Why?'' The turtle looked somewhat uneasy, meditating his answer. ''… I don't think it's up to me to explain why. She wants to discuss it with you-'' ''Fuck that,'' cut Vee, iritated. ''Keeping that reason away from me right now will only make me want to not see her even more.'' She couldn't hide her slight pain. ''I'm tired of drama and people keeping secrets. I just want to know so I can stop worrying and coming up with thousands of scenarios in my head. … Can't you at least understand that?'' Facing the other's contemplative silence, the woman got in motion with a sharp sigh, about to exit the bathtub, but Donnie's hand got a gentle hold of her arm, murmuring a ''come here'' as he brought her back to him. Petting her skin again, he left some kisses against her head, feeling sorry. ''Yes I do understand,'' he started. ''I just wanted to respect April's wishes too.... But you're right, I shouldn't let you worry like that.'' ''And I don't even need the full details,'' commented Vee. ''Just the big lines, I don't care. …. But I deserve the right to know.'' The terrapin's sigh was heavy, but his voice calm. ''April and Casey want to start a family. And in light of the recent events, Casey wants April out of any harm – hence why he's urging her to move in with him.'' ''Why didn't she say anything? … For how long were they planning this 'starting a family' thing?'' ''For that I have no answer. You'll need to seek that out with her.'' ''I guess so...,'' mumbled Vee. ''… She calls me a friend, yet she does not confide things like that to me.'' ''Hey, everyone's trying their best, alright? … Don't get started on scenarios and jump to conclusions. You still have to hear her out.'' The woman still mumbled some words under her breath, face hidden against the other's skin. She knew he was right and, frankly, she was glad that he was trying to bring some sense into her. Getting anxious would bring her no good... ''Alright,'' she finally spoke up, moving her head so she could make eye contact with the mutant. ''I'll call her tomorrow and see if she wants to come with me.'' ''Attagirl,'' added Donnie with a soft smile, his fingers trailing along her spine to the nape of her neck. ''You'll see, things will settle. Arguments may occur, but there's always a way to fix things up.'' ''Depends on the situation, but I guess you're right.'' ''I'm always right,'' joked the male. Vee playfully splashed some water towards him, giggling. ''Don't push it!''

Title: Dog Days

Fandom: Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Pairing: Dedue/Raphael

Word count: 3659

Warnings: None

Summary: Maya travels to Duscur to visit her brother and his husband, and she is shocked to find that their family has grown since she last saw them...but not in a way that she would have expected.

Written for Dedue Week Day 7, Prompt: Future

“Wow! Is this really where Raph lives now?”

Maya’s jaw dropped as she glanced back down at her map, double checking that she was in the right place. Her travels through the Kingdom and Duscur had been largely uneventful, but gave her many opportunities to paint some rather beautiful landscapes. Duscur especially, since it was an entirely different country, built anew after being razed during the Tragedy. Her brother and his husband, Dedue, were the ones who led the rebuilding effort, and Maya’s heart swelled with pride at the fact.

Looking up from the map, she adjusted the weight of the pack on her back and started down the road, her destination the house that sat in the middle of a vast valley, overflowing with blooming flowers of all kinds of different colors. It was summertime in Duscur, but the climate here was a bit colder than Fódlan, so Maya was wearing a light jacket to chase away the slight chill in the air.

As she approached the house, two major things caught her eye: the huge garden on one side of the front yard with a greenhouse on the other, and an enormous barn that was visible from behind the house. Did her brother and Dedue start raising horses or something?

Maya was just about to knock on the door, when a loud barking noise hit her ears. She turned towards it, but was suddenly knocked off of her feet when something large barreled into her, and she fell to her back with an ‘oof!’ Fear welled up in her for a moment, but dissipated immediately when a wet tongue raked across her face, and she started laughing as she pushed herself upright.

It was a dog that had tackled her, and a huge one at that. His pink tongue hung out of his white jowls, which dripped with drool. His head was covered with dark brown fur, that turned white at his neck and legs, before finally turning light brown over his back. His long fluffy tail was wagging so hard that she thought it would fly off at any moment. Maya giggled and reached up to pet the dogs head, and he barked happily.

“Beefsteak! What’re you barking at-Maya?!?”

Maya looked up as the front door opened, a beaming smile crossing her face when Raphael stepped outside, his eyes wide with surprise when he saw her. He looked the same as he always had, with his massive muscles trying to break out of his shirt and blindingly bright smile on his face. The only thing different about him that she noticed was the blond beard that now covered his face.

“Hey Raph! Long time no see!” Maya said. She tried to push herself to her knees, but Beefsteak started licking her face again, forcing her to fall back onto her elbows.

“C’mon, Beef! That’s enough, you big lug!” Raphael said, reaching down to gather Beefsteak into his arms with ease, as if the large dog was as light as a feather. Beefsteak whined and wiggled around, choosing to assault Raphael’s face with slobbery kisses instead.

“I didn’t know you had a dog!” Maya said as she stood up, wiping her face.

“Sure do! This here is Beefsteak!” Raphael said, laughing as he rubbed his bearded face against Beefsteak’s head, who barked and finally managed to wiggle out of Raphael’s arms. He tried to lunge at Maya again, but Raphael caught him around the middle mid-jump, so Beefsteak could only whine and wiggle his paws in her direction.

“He’s huge! I’ve never seen a dog like him before.” Maya said, moving to stand next to her brother to get a better look at Beefsteak.

“He’s a Saint Bernard! They’re known for being huge, but my Beefsteak here is just a big ‘ol softy, right Beefy?” Raphael cooed, and Maya giggled when Beefsteak barked and licked Raphael’s face again. He then finally seemed to calm down a bit as he sat down on his haunches, looking back and forth between the siblings as they finally had a chance to hug.

“So he’s just like you, eh bro?” Maya said as Raphael lifted her into the air with his massive, strong arms.

“Ha! I guess so. They do say that dogs and their owners start to look and act alike after a while.”

“I’ll say. You’ve certainly gotten hairier.” Maya reached up and pinched a bit of Raphael’s beard between her fingers. “Why’s your beard so scruffy? Hasn’t Dedue taught you how to properly groom it yet?”

“C’mon sis! That’s harsh!”

“Ah, hello Maya.”

Maya and Raphael turned to the door to find Dedue standing in the entryway, a small smile on his face. He also hadn’t changed much, except that he also had a full beard, although his was much more well-kept than her brother’s. Dedue seemed to be in the middle of cooking, for he had an apron draped over his front, and the smell wafting out of the house behind him had Maya drooling almost as much as Beefsteak.

“Darling, bring your sister inside. You will both catch a cold standing out here, and dinner is almost ready.” Dedue said, crossing his arms over his chest and raising an eyebrow at his husband, who blushed and rubbed at the back of his neck.

“Eh, sorry hun, I got excited.” Raphael said, grabbing Maya’s travel pack from her. Maya thanked him and headed inside, with Beefsteak padding along beside her. She gazed around the room, and a small smile crossed her face. It was a modest size, with a fireplace on one side and a large couch on the other. Two large dog beds sat in one corner, and the kitchen was a good size, big enough for someone as bulky as Dedue to maneuver around comfortably.

“Make yourself comfortable!” Raphael said as Dedue quickly gave Maya a hug before returning to the kitchen. Maya sat down on the couch, and was immediately joined by Beefsteak, who assaulted her face with more slobbery kisses before he lay down, his head resting on her lap. She laughed and ran her hands through his soft fur.

“Did you have a good trip, Maya?” Dedue asked as he flipped some steaks over in a pan on the stove. “You arrived much sooner than we expected.”

“Oh, yeah!” Maya said as Raphael sat on the couch on the other side of Beefsteak. “I managed to hitch a ride with a couple riding in the same direction once I hit the Duscur border. Real funny pair. One of ‘em kept on falling asleep while he was talking to me, and the other tried picking fights with any knights that we passed on the road!”

“Hm, they sound familiar…” Raphael mumbled, his face scrunching up thoughtfully.

“They sound like Caspar and Linhardt.” Dedue commented, not looking up from his cooking.

“Yeah! Those were their names!” Maya exclaimed, “They did say they knew you guys when I told them who I was going to visit. They said to say hello for them.”

“I’m glad they’re doing well. They kinda just up and vanished after the war, so I was worried about where one of my best sparring buddies ran off to.” Raphael said. Maya opened her mouth to respond, but she was interrupted by a loud scratching sound coming from the back door on the other side of the kitchen.

Dedue chuckled and abandoned his cooking for a moment to go and open the door. Maya’s eyes widened as another dog trotted through the kitchen and into the living room, stopping in front of Maya and sitting down. She was just as huge as Beefsteak, but seemed to be of a different breed. Her face and ears were dark, while the rest of her fur was a light brown.

“Maya, that is Dahlia.” Dedue said, looking over at the dog fondly. “She is a Mastiff. She may look intimidating, but you will not find a sweeter companion.” Maya let out a delighted squeak as she reached out to scratch behind Dahlia’s ears.

“Oh my gods, you are so cute!” Maya said, and she giggled when Dahlia stuck out her tongue and panted happily, her tail wagging vigorously. She heard a loud whine coming from her side, and Maya turned to see Beefsteak staring at her with sad eyes. Maya laughed and pet his head with one of her hands, while the other continued to pet Dahlia.

“Jeez, Beef! You just can’t let your sis get attention without butting in, huh?” Raphael said, laughing as he rubbed Beefsteak’s belly. He immediately rolled over, tail wagging and leg kicking when Raphael scratched at just the right spot.

“Dinner is ready. Raphael, will you help me for a moment?” Dedue said, and Maya, Dahlia, and Beefsteak all immediately turned their attention to him.

“Yeah!” Raphael leapt up from his spot on the couch, quickly moving to his husband’s side to help him set the table.

“Need me to do anything?” Maya asked, feeling a bit awkward about just waiting around while her hosts worked.

“You can feed Beefsteak and Dahlia if you want!” Raphael called, almost hitting Dedue with a plate as he spun around to address Maya. “Oops, sorry honey!”

“It is fine. Please be more careful, darling.” Dedue said, chuckling as Raphael flushed with embarrassment. “Their food is in that barrel by the door. One scoop each.” Maya smiled and nodded, barely restraining herself from teasing Raphael and Dedue; her brother and brother-in-law were too cute for their own good.

“C’mon doggies! Time for dinner!” Maya said, and she had to run to the barrel, because as soon as the word ‘dinner’ left her mouth, both of the dogs barked excitedly and barreled along right behind her, their heavy footsteps almost making the entire house shake. Maya laughed as she quickly scooped out the food into the two bowls that sat against the nearby wall. Beefsteak dug messily into his meal, while Dahlia used a little bit more restraint while she ate.

“So where did you find those two?” Maya asked when she sat down to eat with Dedue and her brother. She took a bite of the Duscur bear steak - and it was the best thing she had ever tasted in her life - while eyeing the other end of the table where Raphael and Dedue’s free hands were entwined and resting on the surface.

“While we were still working hard on the rebuilding efforts,” Dedue said, sighing as he glanced over at Raphael, who was busy shoveling as much meat as he could into his mouth, “we found Beefsteak and Dahlia as puppies, sick and starving to death. We could not just leave them, so we took them in a nursed them back to health. They have not left our side ever since.”

“Aw, you guys are so awesome! I’m glad you were able to save them!” Maya said, looking under the table where the two huge dogs lay, quite obviously waiting for any scraps that may fall from their plates.

“Us too!” Raphael said, swallowing a mouthful of meat and managing to dribble sauce down his chin.

“Raphael, dear,” Dedue grabbed his napkin and wiped the mess from his beard, “You are making a terrible mess of yourself.”

“Whoops! Sorry Dedue! Your cooking is just so good! I could eat like ten helpings of this meat!” Raphael gushed, and Maya giggled when a light blush rose high on Dedue’s face. They really did seem like they were made for each other; gentle giants with the kindest hearts. As soon as Raphael had introduced Dedue to her, she had no doubt in her mind that they would be together forever.

The meal continued with casual conversation, and when they were done and cleaning up, Maya suddenly remembered something that she wanted to ask about.

“Oh, hey Raph! What’s with that barn you guys have? Do you have horses?”

Raphael smiled and shook his head. “Nope! Do you wanna see what we have out there?” Maya’s eyes lit up with curious excitement and she nodded eagerly. “C’mon, it’s feeding time anyway.”

“Past feeding time. It is a wonder that they are not causing a ruckus by now.” Dedue commented, and now Maya was really curious as to what was in that barn.

The three ventured outside, the evening sun bathing the land in an orange glow as they made their way to the barn. Dedue and Raphael shared a smile as they pushed open the sliding doors, and Maya’s jaw dropped at the sight.

Dogs of various breeds were scattered throughout the large barn, and Maya did a quick count; there were at least 20 of them. When Dedue and Raphael stepped into the barn, all of the dogs turned towards them, and a chorus of barks and howls started up as they rushed to their owners.

Maya shrieked with unconstrained joy as she was suddenly surrounded by fluffy, excited dogs, and she crouched down so that she could pet as many of them as possible while getting a bunch of sloppy kisses.

“Why do you have so many dogs?” Maya said, laughing as she held up a fluffy yellow dog with an elongated body.

“Well, when we nursed Beefsteak and Dahlia back to health and resumed the restoration efforts, we realized that there were so many other homeless dogs that needed help,” Raphael said, “After Duscur was fully rebuilt, we build this barn together and decided to take in as many dogs as possible. We make sure they’re happy and healthy, and some of the people from the nearby town have adopted a few of them already.”

“Aw...You guys are so wonderful!” Maya gushed, and the dogs around her suddenly bolted off towards Dedue when they noticed that he was starting to fill up their food bowls. Maya set down the dog that she held, and she lay down instead of running after the other dogs, which confused Maya. That is, until she saw six puppies run up to the dog and start nursing.

“Babies!” Maya exclaimed, unable to handle the overwhelming cuteness without shedding a few tears.

“Oh yeah! Her name is Sausage!” Raphael said, patting Maya on the back. “She’s a Corgi! She was pregnant when we found her, and she gave birth just a few weeks ago.”

“They’re...perfect.” Maya said, sniffing as more tears fell down her face.

“Why are you crying?” Raphael said, an alarmed look crossing his face as he looked Maya over. “Are you sick? Or hurt? Or-”

“Raph, please,” Maya said, laughing as she wiped away her tears. “They’re just...so cute and precious. I love them.” One of the puppies finished her meal and bounded over to Maya, barking as she nibbled on her shoe.

“That one is named Paprika.” Dedue said, smiling softly as he placed a hand on Maya’s other shoulder. “She is the runt of the litter, and almost did not survive birth. I had to rub her back continuously for a long time before she finally started breathing on her own.” Maya picked her up and started sobbing again when little Paprika starting licking her face with her tiny tongue. Raphael and Dedue shared a glance, and Dedue nodded.

“Would you like to adopt her, Maya?” Raphael said, and Maya stared at him with wide eyes. A huge, beaming smile slowly spread across her face, and she nodded vigorously as she hugged Paprika gently against her chest.

“Oh my gosh, can I really? I’d love to!” Maya said, kissing the top of Paprika’s head as she started falling asleep in her arms. “I’ll take good care of her.”

“We know you will.” Dedue said with a nod, “She cannot leave her mother permanently yet, so you will have to stay with us until she is ready. Is that alright?”

“Yeah! I’ve got all the time in the world. Oooh, I think I could get some really cool paintings done around here too, with the flowers and dogs and…” Maya said, trailing off to mumble to herself. Dedue and Raphael laughed, and as Maya finished helping them tend to the dogs, she couldn’t help but feel incredibly proud of her brother and Dedue, and what wonderful things they were doing with their lives. She followed them back into their house, with little Paprika tucked away against her chest, and she was excited for the weeks to come.

*

“Wow, what a day!”

Dedue chuckled as Raphael plopped down on the bed next to him, quickly discarding his shirt before snuggling up against Dedue. Setting the book he had been reading aside, Dedue wrapped his arms around Raphael, pulling his head to rest against his chest as Dedue placed a kiss on his forehead.

“Indeed. Did Maya get settled in alright?” Dedue asked, and Raphael nodded, his soft facial hair tickling Dedue’s chest.

“Yeah! She’s got Paprika sleeping with her, and Beefsteak and Dahlia too! They really like her a lot!”

“Good. It will be nice to have the bed to ourselves for once.” Dedue mused. Beefsteak and Dahlia usually slept in their bed with them, and Raphael had to build them an extra large and sturdy one in order to hold their massive dogs as well as themselves.

“Heh, yeah it will.” Raphael said, grinning as he kissed Dedue, who sighed contently, wrapping his arms around Raphael and pulling him close. Calloused hands roamed over Raphael’s back, tracing over faded scars and taut muscle that had become as familiar as Dedue’s own. It felt like a dream, being wrapped in the arms of the man who loved him, living a peaceful life away from war in a recovered Duscur that he and Raphael had rebuilt with their bare hands. Dedue smiled against Raphael’s lips, and the latter pulled away slightly, his beautiful golden eyes gazing deep into Dedue’s seafoam green.

“What’re you thinking about, dear?” Raphael asked, nuzzling his nose against Dedue’s, laughing as the silver hairs of his beard tickled his nose.

“You,” Dedue said, taking Raphael’s left hand in his so that he could run his fingers over his wedding ring. “Or rather, you and I. I feel like I was blessed by all of the deities in both Fódlan and Duscur with the most wonderful man that I get to call my husband.” Dedue chuckled when Raphael’s face flushed pink.

“Aw, Dedue, you’re makin’ me blush here...” Raphael said, burying his face in the crook of Dedue’s neck to hide his embarrassment.

“It is true though.” Dedue cupped Raphael’s face with one hand while his other continued to trace the scars over his back, causing Raphael to shiver, “I think if someone had told me back in our academy days that I would end up married to the love of my life and living in a rebuilt Duscur, I would not have believed them.”

“C’mon honey,” Raphael said, his brow furrowing as he pouted, “Don’t talk like that! You’re the greatest guy that I’ve ever met! I had the biggest crush on you when were we still in school!”

“Really?” Dedue blinked as he tilted his head. He never would have guessed that Raphael had harbored feelings for him that soon. Dedue had always assumed that Raphael did not grow to love him until they had reunited after the start of the war.

“Yes really! I was super sad when the war tore us apart, ‘cause I never got to tell you how I felt until five years after that. I was also really scared that I’d...never see you again.” Raphael’s face fell, and Dedue smiled softly, cupping Raphael’s face as he placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

“I am sorry for worrying you, my darling sunshine,” Dedue whispered, his fingers setting in Raphael’s soft beard, and a beaming smile slowly returned to Raphael’s face. That beautiful, ethereal smile that never failed to take Dedue’s breath away. He was determined to spend the rest of his days making sure that smile was never absent from his husband’s face for longer than a few moments at a time.

“It’s fine! It all worked out in the end! We’re married and living a good life. I’m just...really happy Dedue!”

“I am happy too, Raphael.” Dedue chuckled when Raphael grabbed his face and kissed his tenderly, but he pulled away shortly after, lips pursed together as if he had eaten something sour.

“Hey, hun?” Raphael asked, “Do you, uh, think my beard is scruffy? Maya said it was.” Dedue blinked at him, before letting out a hearty laugh.

“Honestly, it could use a bit of trimming.” The horrified look that crossed Raphael’s face was so silly that Dedue laughed harder.

“Dedue! Why didn’t you say anything before? Ugh, how embarrassing…” Raphael’s voice dropped to a mumble, and he pouted again as he rolled over onto his back.

“I thought that you kept it that way on purpose. I can help you trim it if you want.” Dedue said, and Raphael rolled back over on top of him, causing Dedue to grunt and his face to flush.

“Really? You’d do that for me?” Raphael said excitedly, causing Dedue to chuckle at his unbridled enthusiasm.

“Of course, darling.”

“Yes! Gods, I love you so much, Dedue!” Raphael said, laughing as he slid his arms under Dedue, pulling him into one of Raphael’s signature bear hugs that Dedue honestly could not get enough of.

“I love you too, Raphael. Always.” Dedue whispered into Raphael’s ear as he returned his hug. Dedue pulled away, caressing Raphael’s cheek with the back of his hand as his husband smiled sweetly at him, before closing the distance between them again by pressing his lips to Dedue’s. They quickly lost themselves in the passion of their love, and Dedue knew that with Raphael by his side, his future would always look as bright as his husband’s smile.

Rocking the Boat 14

Supernatural AU 

Link to  chapter 13

Words: 2,713

Pairings: Gabriel x Reader/Dean x Cas

_____

The next morning a light knock on your bedroom door woke you. Sitting up, you glanced at the clock. 6:45...a bit early for someone to come visiting. You got out of bed and walked to the door with a yawn.  

Dean stood on the other side of the door. He was fully dressed and giving you that “please forgive me for being an ass” smile that seemed to only work on Cas and yourself. 

“What are you doing up so early?”

You asked. Dean shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. 

“I wanted to talk to you about yesterday.” 

You moved aside and let Dean into the room. Dean sighed. This was the last conversation that he really wanted to be having with you He looked around the room expecting to see your dollhouse in the corner and toys covered the floor but there wasn’t. You were grown up and he needed to face it. Dean was just having a harder time doing that than he ever expected. 

“Is Gabriel back?”

You asked. Dean shook his head. 

“No, he’ll turn up eventually. He’s probably just off pouting somewhere like a giant child. I’m not here to talk about Gabriel. Well, I guess I kind of am since he did help cause this problem…”

“Dad…”

Dean sat down. 

“Sorry...I’m still a bit touchy on the relationship. Y/n, I am really sorry about yesterday.  I was just shocked. You know I really never expected this. Some weird part of me expected you to be a little girl that would need me forever.”

You held a hand up. Hearing this come out of Dean’s mouth was a bit difficult! He was your father. You would always need him. It didn’t matter if you had Gabriel or not. 

“Dad, I am always going to need you. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in my life. It also doesn’t matter if I am with Gabriel or not. You have done really well over the past little bit...getting along with him and all. I know that he can be difficult.” 

Dean nodded wildly. Gabriel was more than difficult. The archangel was a real pain in Dean Winchester’s ass. The last thing that he was about to admit was the fact that he was beginning to like Gabriel. At first, he just hated Gabriel. Now Dean only found him mildly irritating. 

“Well, don’t you think that this kid is going to be calling me grandpa.”

You smiled as Dean stood and pulled you into a hug. 

“Alright.” 

You said with a chuckle. Dean held you a bit longer than he normally did. When he pulled away, Dean glanced over his shoulder at the door. 

“Now that we have all of that out of the way.; I have some more crazy to share with you. When you walk out into the living room ...try not to scream.”

“Oh Christ! Now what?”

You muttered before turning and stormed down the hall. Whatever that was waiting for you was obviously big! What could it be? Some weird long lost family members? 

Walking into the living room, you froze. Sitting on the couch was Lucifer, Raphael, and Michael (who was awkwardly petting a pair of rolled-up socks.) Lucifer gave you a friendly wave while Raphael looked indifferent as always. 

“I thought that you were dead!”

You snapped at Raphael. The archangel looked at you with a matching frown. 

“Surprises happen every day.” 

“I guess…” 

You muttered as Lucifer stood up. 

“It's good to see you too!” 

You carefully glanced at Lucifer as Cas put a hand on your shoulder. 

“Its alright. They aren’t here to mess anything up.” 

You laughed. That was a dumb statement. Put four archangels, well minus one since yours was MIA, in a room and bad stuff happened! 

“What’s with Michael?”

You finally asked. Michael looked up from the socks that he was so engrossed in. Ugh, he was still actively using your grandfather’s body as a vessel. . Lovely.

“Hi, have we met?” 

He asked in a childlike voice. Lucifer even frowned before looking at his older brother with distaste. 

“Michael is no longer with us in the normal Michael-like sense. Apparently, his time in the cage has made him lose his mind.” 

Michael looked back to the socks and started petting them again. You nodded and met Lucifer’s gaze. 

“I see. What’s with the socks?” 

Lucifer shrugged. 

“He found them and no he won’t let him go. He hissed at me the last time I tried to get them away from him.” 

“Lovely, so why are you three here?” 

Raphael looked up. 

“We are here because of the condition that you are in. Thanks to our brother...where is Gabriel?” 

You shrugged.

“Hell if I know. Wait, how the fuck did you three find out about me being pregnant.” 

Michael looked up. 

“I like babies.” 

Whether it be the stupidity of the situation or something else you laughed. If Michael was in the right mind there would be hell to pay. Since he was happy enough with his pair of socks and not trying to kill you...it was best to leave him alone. 

Lucifer motioned you forward. 

“Let’s just say that we had a cozy run-in with that crazy guy known as our father. I don’t know what he told you but his intentions aren’t as cozy as they seem. Dad has this weird idea that he will be able to use your baby and Jack to take over everything and make everyone’s lives hell. And I think that you all owe me an apology for saying that he was bad..any day now. An I’m sorry Luci is just fine!” 

You sighed miserably. As usual, your gut instinct was right. Chuck totally and a motive. Dean’s hand on your shoulder brought you out of your trance. 

“It's going to be okay-” 

Before you could get a word out Gabriel walked into the room. He froze the moment that he saw Lucifer. His mouth dropped seeing Raphael and Michael. Had the situation not been so serious you would have laughed. Gabriel looked so confused and bothered. His confusion deepened the moment that Michael was up and had his arms around him. 

“Gabriel! I missed you!” 

Michael said cheerfully and petted Gabriel’s face. Gabriel awkwardly backed away. 

“Yeah,,, same to you.” 

Gabriel muttered as Michael went back to his socks. He inched over to you without taking his eyes off of his brothers. 

“What the hell is going on here?” 

You shrugged. 

“Fucked up family reunion that you are super late for. Lucifer wants an apology by the way.” 

Gabriel turned to Lucifer with a scowl. 

“What the hell for?”

Lucifer smirked evilly. 

“For the fact that I was right about dad all along. The fact that dad is wanting to use your baby with Ms. Pretty here as a weapon…”

Gabriel held a hand up.

“Excuse me?”

Lucifer pointed to you with a smirk. 

“That girl right there that you can’t keep your hands off of well she’s pregnant.” 

Gabriel rolled his eyes.

“I know that, you idiot!” 

You sighed. This was not going to go anywhere but Gabriel and Lucifer screaming at each other. 

“Gabriel, come on. I need to talk to you without an audience.” 

Gabriel didn’t hesitate to follow you to the bedroom.  You sat down on the bed as Gabriel shut the door. 

“What the hell is all of that in there?” 

You shrugged. 

“You mean that circus of weird? Oh, they came to us.” 

Gabriel rolled his eyes for the millionth time that day. 

“Are you going to tell me what the hell Lucifer was talking about?” 

You rubbed your feet on the rug before looking up to Gabriel. 

“You know how we are expecting a miniature version of ourselves that will turn up in the near future?” 

Gabriel put a hand over his face. 

“Yes, Y/n, I know...”

You were silent for a moment. 

“Turns out Lucifer isn’t as big of a quack as we all thought. Chuck is….he plans on using our kid and Jack as a weapon against everyone else. I hate being right but I figured that there was something weird going on. Now we have Lucifer and your two back from the dead brothers offering their services. That is what you missed. Maybe an abortion would be the best thing. Chuck couldn’t hurt anyone and we can just keep an eye on Jack. Besides, what do I know about being a mother?”

Gabriel stood motionless as you looked down at the ground. He automatically felt like the biggest jackass known to man! Maybe he overreacted the day before. Staying gone all night sure didn’t help! 

Looking at the depressed expression on your face made Gabriel feel if possible worse! He quickly walked over and knelt down in front of you. 

“Sugar...I’m really sorry. I have been a dick! You aren’t getting any abortion. My crazy father isn’t going to do jack squat! Between myself and those looney toons out there...we should be able to fight him off...or extremely scare him so he will leave us alone. We’ll take care of the kid and just maybe it won’t be too much like us. We are so in for it!” 

You couldn't help but smile at the worried expression on Gabriel’s face. 

“Yeah, I think we are.” 

You replied with a smile before leaning down and pressing a kiss to Gabriel’s lips. 

“I see that your dad isn’t too mad at me. He didn’t try to stab me when I walked through the door.” 

Gabriel muttered against your lips. 

“I think Dean has made peace with it. Besides it's not like he can really do much about it now.” 

Gabriel had been ready to fight off an angry Dean Winchester. When Dean didn’t go after him Gabriel was slightly disappointed. The disappointment quickly went away when he saw his own brothers sitting on the sofa like it was Sunday dinner. 

“So what the hell is going on with Michael? A better question is what the heck is it with him and the socks?”

You shrugged. 

“I guess being stuck with Lucifer for a small amount of time finally got to him. I kind of like him better this way. Even though him petting that pair of socks is a bit creepy.” 

Gabriel smirked. 

“He’s never hugged me before. I didn’t know what to do for just a moment there.” 

Neither of you said anything for a few moments. The silence was comforting. 

“How are you feeling about all of this?”

You asked softly. Gabriel shrugged. 

“I feel a lot of things. I would be a big fat liar if I didn’t say that I was nervous. I never planned on this happening. Sugar, what if I mess this kid up somehow? What I leave it somewhere and can’t remember where I put it? I was totally good with being Jack’s uncle. I didn’t have to worry about screwing him up. That’s on your dad and Cas! I was just the fun uncle now it's different. If I screw our kid up then that is all my fault! What if I am like my dad?” 

You fought the urge to smile.  The expression of sheer terror was so evident in Gabriel’s honey eyes. Reaching down you stroked Gabriel’s cheek. 

“Hey! It's okay. You are going to be just fine, Gabe.  You aren’t going to leave the baby anywhere and forget it and you sure as hell won’t be like your father.” 

Gabriel didn’t reply. He sat looking around all confused and vulnerable. 

“Come here.” 

You whispered before pulling Gabriel’s against you. He snuggled his face into your chest while wrapping his arms around your body.

“It's going to be okay.”

(meanwhile)

Dean stood in the living room with a cup of coffee in his hands. He was relieved to finally have some coffee in his system. Waking up to three archangels sitting in your living room offering their assistance was a lot to handle. 

“How did all of this happen?”

Raphael’s voice pulled Dean from his thoughts. He turned to see Raphael talking to Cas. The archangel was too close to Cas for his liking! 

“Whoa sparkles, step the fuck back.” 

Raphael held his hands up and backed away slowly. 

“I don’t have time to worry about our past. I am currently wondering how that human girl in there is pregnant.”

Dean considered being an ass. Considered was just a word...he was going with ass…

“Well, Raphael, you see Gabriel can’t keep his hands off of my kid…”

Raphael held a hand up, looking disgusted. 

“I know how human relations work although I don’t understand why Gabriel is remotely interested in her. She is nothing but a lowly human.” 

Dean held a hand up. Cas’ displeased frown intensified. If he could blow Raphael up again for insulting his daughter he would have! 

“I’m going to stop you right there. First off, watch how you talk about my kid. I have no issue in stabbing you and I don’t think Gabriel will mind too much either. Second, this whole happening was no of their choosing so keep your holier than thou opinions to yourself or fuck off.” 

“I would prefer if you didn’t talk to her in general.” 

Cas hissed. Dean looked over his shoulder with a smirk before turning back to Raphael.

“Just a warning, he’s her dad too and he has no issues in kicking your ass. He’s done it once before and I’m damn sure he wouldn’t mind doing it again.” 

Michael looked up from his place on the floor with his socks. 

“You all are so grumpy. Luci, make them be nice.” 

Lucifer, meanwhile, who had been watching the whole thing with an amused smirk rolled his eyes. 

“Raphael, shut up. Dean is right, Gabriel will kick your ass for being mean to Y/n. I talked to you about being paranoid.” 

Raphael scowled at his brother before sitting down in a huff. Lucifer shrugged. 

“Ignore him. He still has a bit of a superiority complex.” 

Dean groaned. 

“When did you become so nice?” 

Lucifer smiled, 

“When it turned out that I was right about everything in the first place. It's a good feeling when the truth comes out and you don’t look like the jackass after all. I would also like to make it up to Gabriel for all of the problems that I have caused him.” 

Sam and Dean both snorted. 

“I hope that you brought something better than yourself and these two because from the look on Gabriel’s face a bit ago ...I don’t think that he is too interested in what you have to offer.”

Lucifer sat down with a scowl that matched Raphael’s. Sam put a hand over his face. 

“Just a heads up, Lucifer but I don’t think that Jack will be too thrilled to see you either.” 

Dean nodded in agreement with his brother. 

“Yeah, leave Jack alone.” 

“Who is Jack?”

Michael asked gleefully. Lucifer rolled his eyes. 

“I have told you four times that Jack is my son.”

Sam and Dean scooted back. They were both ready for Michael to throw a tantrum. When Michael didn’t look up, Dean gave Sam a shrug. Maybe Michael was nuts after all? 

“Sam! Dean! You’ll never guess what I found out.” 

Jack shouted before coming into the room. He froze the moment that he saw Lucifer sitting on the couch. Lucifer smiled. 

“Hello, son.” 

Jack turned to Sam and Dean with a beyond angry frown before turning and walking from the room without another word. 

Dean rolled his eyes. 

“Good job, Satan.” 

Cas turned and walked in the direction that Jack went in.  It was going to be a long day in the bunker and things were only getting started! 

__________

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[Verses]

Between Reality And Madness | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Patient Jimmy (Castiel) Novak

Species: Former Angel/Human (Angel in a few cases)

Plot: Castiel never recovered after taking Sam’s wounds from the cage. He never helped the boys beat Dick. He stayed in the psych ward, and after Meg died, he ripped his own grace, and turned into human, causing to himself more damage. That made him more dangerous for himself and everyone else and easier to manipulate. He keeps hallucinating about the boys, and how much they hate him, along with Dick Roman and the Leviathans. He attempted to suicide multiple times, but he was prevented every single time.

Best Roleplay Partners: Meg Masters, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester

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Fallen and Broken | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Castiel Winchester

Species: Former Angel/Human

Plot: Castiel felt that his grace started draining. He couldn’t find out why and he couldn’t find a way to stop it. When he was completely human anymore, he read in a book about Seraphims. It was written that the fallen one, would be a part of humanity and his grace would turn into a soul, because he reached the point of having human feelings as an angel. But what Castiel didn’t know was that Sam’s wounds from the cage would return because he didn’t have his grace to filter them anymore.

Best Roleplay Partners: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester

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Omega!Castiel | Castiel Roleplay Verses

Name: Castiel (Cas) Novak

Species: Human Omega

Plot: Castiel was gone for years, captured in Heaven. When he returned to earth, all he could feel at start was confusion and pain. But as long as he waited for help, that much a beautiful sense grew stronger. Castiel couldn’t understand why he suddenly felt that warm and safe, but in the presence of the man, he could realize immediately that he was an Omega, and his friend was his Alpha.

Best Roleplay Partners: Alpha!Dean Winchester, Alpha!Sam Winchester.

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Enslaved and Terrified | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Castiel Novak

Species: Human

Seasons: After Season 7

Family: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester

“I don’t remember what was like to be me… I don’t remember being happy… I don’t remember anything else than… That I should obey my commander or he… He will hurt my family… And… He will tear me to pieces… Please… Stop it… I don’t want to feel anymore… The pain, the terror… His smile, Naomi… Please stop it… I don’t know what’s real anymore… I am not okay…”

Supernatural Verse: After Raphael returned from his fake death, he dragged Castiel back to heaven to punish him for his crimes with the Leviathans. Years passed on earth when Castiel returned in a horrible and beaten up state, terrified. His punishment in Heaven required being Raphael’s personal slave. His pet. That broke him totally and after Raphael decided to let him go under his control, Castiel is back to earth, graceless, having totally forgotten how to be himself anymore or how to think the way he used to. It would take him long to recover after what he did in heaven in order to protect the boys.

Trigger Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Attempt to Suicide, PTSD, Seizures, Mental illness, Schizophrenia

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Losing Light - Blind!Castiel | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Castiel Novak

Species: Former Angel/Human

Family: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Gabriel, Jack

Seasons: Probably After 9

“I have been here for very long time… And suddenly… I can’t see all these miracles my father created… My whole life I was observing human’s incredible nature and now I have to accept that I won’t be able to see anything ever again? How can you say that I will get used to it? Would you?”

Supernatural Verse: Castiel, long human now, have been to a hunt with Sam and Dean. They had to go after an angel that was selling souls in hell, by stealing them from heaven. As they got him and Castiel tried to attack him, the angel, out of self-defense, lit his grace, and filled the whole room with light, blinding Castiel that was next to him. Castiel, fell to the floor as the angel disappeared, confused, with his eyes turned to white, and bleeding.

Trigger Warning: Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks

———

AU Verse: After a car accident, Castiel was carried to a hospital. His doctor called Naomi Sheppard failed to diagnose the real problem, and his brain surgery failed. Castiel woke up, unable to see anything. They informed him that there has been a mistake and that he wouldn’t be able to see ever again. Castiel felt like he had lost his freedom. He wouldn’t be independent anymore, and he didn’t know if he had anyone to take care of him. His older brother, his high school friends? He just knew that life would be much more difficult now and he had to move on or stay back and die.

Trigger Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Seizures

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Breath Of Life | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Patient James (Castiel) Novak

Species: Former Angel/Human

Seasons: Probably season 9

Family: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Jack Kline, Bobby Singer, Gabriel, Charlie Bradbury, Mary Winchester, Claire Novak, Crowley.

“I wanted you all to know that… When I do picture myself happy… It’s with all of you. Right here. Not heaven, not anywhere. You are my home. And I don’t care how much time I have left. I love you.”

Supernatural Verse: Castiel’s grace faded and the angel had turned to a complete human. Months of training and hunting, Castiel was used to the hunter’s life, and living with Sam and Dean. Things were getting better for him, until he started feeling weaker as weeks passed. He started skipping meals, feeling sick, but everyone ignored the signs until the once soldier passed out during a vampire hunt. After being carried to the nearest hospital, the doctor told the boys that the patient James Novak was diagnosed as HIV positive years before Cas had possessed him and that Castiel was suffering from AIDS at the moment. The doctors gave him four months of life, until Cas’s system would totally break down.

Trigger warnings: Serious Illness, Depression

———

AU Verse: Castiel was coming from a small town. He had never met his parents and he was living with his alcoholic uncle since he was six years old. After leaving his home -mentally and physically abused for years- when he turned to sixteen he tried to be independent and started working as a barman to the city of Seattle. He made friendships with people with the same family background as him, and started trying their habits which included lots of alcohol and drugs. In a really young age he was diagnosed as HIV positive suffering from AIDS. All the support he had from his once ‘friends’ was gone and soon Castiel appreciated his life and the people that really cared for him.

Trigger Warnings: Flashback of Mental and Physical Abuse, Drug Usage, Suffering from Serious Illness, Depression, Suicidal thoughts and attempts in Cas’s childhood

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Little Trouble | Deaged Castiel | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Castiel Novak

Age: 2-3 years old

Species: Fledging-Former Angel/Human

Seasons: Anyone

Family: Gabriel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Raphael, Michael, Lucifer, Hannah, Balthazar, Chuck.

“I uanna be fwee fom hewe, I uanna be out, look bees and have honey, but my bwothes, hates me, I have to do too?”

Supernatural Verse: Castiel had been to a hunt with Sam and Dean but the hunt didn’t end well. A witch saw the power Castiel had to destroy her and turned him to a small kid before running away. Sam and Dean ended up with a kid Cas to take care, which the worst was that he had all the memories of his normal self. So as they take care of Cas, they have to find a way to reverse the spell, even if the little angel has the best time in his whole life with the two boys.

Trigger Warnings: Flashbacks of a hurtful childhood and mindcontrol in heaven, bad spelling from a toddler?

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Broken Mind, Broken Soul | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Castiel Novak

Species: Human, Former Hunter

Seasons: Anyone

Family: Claire Novak (Daughter), Amelia Novak (Wife) (Dead)

“I told you, I am not insane! I am an angel of the Lord, I swear! I swear I am not insane! Call Sam and Dean, they will prove you that I am an angel, please let me go!”

Supernatural Verse: Castiel was raised by Bobby next to Sam and Dean. He was raised to be a hunter. His parents were hunters too, and had died when he was still a baby. Castiel was Sam’s and Dean’s best friend until their paths parted. Sam and Dean searched for their father and kept fighting the supernatural, while Castiel made his own family. He was still in contact with the Winchesters and helped them from time to time in their hunts. Castiel had a wonderful life, until the day that a demon broke into his house and killed his wife. Cas didn’t have the time to stop him, he could only save Claire. After that shock, Castiel lost his mind. He was convinced that he was an angel, that had fallen on earth and lost his memories of heaven. Castiel was convinced he had powers he could use for the greater good, and that put himself and his daughter in danger. Sam and Dean started taking care of Claire while they put Castiel to a mental institution, hoping the man would find himself again.

Trigger Warning: Mental Illness, Schizophrenia, Violence

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 MORE VERSES SOON

The OCs: Nika Belova-Romanoff

Full Name: Veronika Belova-Romanoff

Nicknames: Nika (by most everyone), Veruchka (often from her moms and grandma Dottie), Nika-Paprika (from Auntie Wanda), Zolotse (from Vasya when they dated), and Amore (from Raphael when they begin dating). Ronnie (on the rare occasion by Francis).

Emojis: 🇧🇾🍟🦎🎤🏒

Birthday: October 6th

Place of Birth: Brest, Belarus and put up for adoption three days after being born and adopted when she was eight months old.

Sexuality: Bisexual

Misc:

-  She was the result of a one night stand and her mother wasn’t with the man anymore and couldn’t handle taking care of a baby. The only reason her mother didn’t get an abortion like she wanted was because her elder sister begged and pleaded for her to at least put the baby up for adoption.

- Her favorite fairy tale is The Scarlet Flower with Tsarevna Swan as a close second. Her favorite Disney Princess is Aurora because, “I love naps just like ‘Rora!”

- When she was two Yelena almost drugged her with nyquil to make her sleep. Lucky for Nika, Natasha came home right in time.

- When she was four she tried to make her moms breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day and brought them a plate full of crumbled poptarts with a candle stuck in the middle. Natasha and Yelena loved it.

- Her comfort foods are chicken nuggets from McDonald’s, Hershey kisses, and hot chocolate with tons of marshmallows.

- Because her last name is ‘Romanoff’, in Kindergarten, first, and second grade her teachers kept calling her ‘Anastasia’. She would just ignore them and not answer them, look them dead in the eye and glare and refuse to speak because that is not her name, Nika is much easier to remember and say than Anastasia is.

- She begins playing hockey when she’s seven and is on the same team as Jack and Peyton. She thinks ballet is boring but won’t tell her moms that’s why she doesn’t want to do it.

When she was dating Vasilisa she went to one of Vasya’s recitals and it took all of her willpower not to fall asleep

- Nika, just like Yelena, is sometimes unintentionally creepy.

She’ll sometimes forget to tell anyone that she’s going to go home and change and just disappear only to return forty-five minutes later in a completely different outfit and slurping a slushie.

She once went outside and came back half an hour later covered in red liquid that looked suspiciously like blood but just waved off the concern with, “Oh it’s nothing. Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

- Her best friends are Jack, Vasya, and Francis.

She sometimes sings for Rikki’s band, The Nomads, with Rikki, Jack, Francis, Ian, and Richard.

- Liho and Strelka curl up with Nika when she’s taking naps or just sleeping in general.

She’ll be doing her homework when all of a sudden a wild Liho hops into her lap. She’ll be getting dressed and reach for her pants when a wild Strelka begins rolling on her jeans.

- As children, Nika is taller than Vasya by just a few inches but by the time they’re in highschool, Vasya is a good two inches taller.

- Natasha is ‘mama’ and Yelena is ‘mommy’

She’s called Yelena her ‘Kind vodka mom’ at least once. When she yells “Mom!” both Natasha and Yelena answer her.

- Natasha keeps every single one of Nika’s jerseys from the time she’s seven until she graduates high school.

The jersey from her senior year, Natasha and Yelena frame it in a shadowbox. Her team had won and everyone got a medal. Said medal, a picture of Nika, and the jersey were all in the shadowbox.

- Nika’s favorite name to call people is ‘douche nugget’

- She has a very overactive imagination.

She was once bit by a pony at Clint’s farm when she was eight and laid in the grass and whispered to herself and Vasya, “I have been chosen. I am to defend the world as a were-pony. I accept this as my fate.”

Everyone is used to her theatrics.

- Yelena once gave Nika and Natasha both food poisoning because she can’t cook. It was the worst day of Nika’s young life and she swears off of Yelena’s cooking forevermore. 

- When Nika and Vasya were dating, many of their dates involved going to the ice rink where they tried to show off to each other.

-Nika’s favorite flowers are sunflowers.

- Her favorite cartoon is Power Puff Girls.

Buttercup is her favorite.

- She has a doll from when she was a kid that she tried to name after Aurora but the name ‘Rora stuck.

She cried on the first day of kindergarten because she left ‘Rora at home and Natasha and Yelena had to bring her her doll.

- She’s that person that says they can’t sing but sings like an angel.

When she was in her senior year, they did Hamilton as the musical for the year and she was the best Maria Reynolds.

- Her favorite time of the year is summer because she loves to go swimming.

- When Ian tries to ask her out, she nearly decks him in the face.

- Yelena and Natasha take Nika to Russia for Christmas one year.

- She tries to steal Redwing (the bird not the drone) from her Uncle Sam because she was convinced if she kissed Redwing, Redwing would turn into a prince. Anytime she comes over the first thing she does is pet Redwing, feeds him snacks, tries to lure him into her backpack.

When she was little she would try to stick her fingers into his cage to pet him. Sam would hurriedly stop her.

“Woah there baby girl! He may bite you!” “Birdy tweet tweet!” “No, honey. Falcon caw caw.”

- When she’s six, she gets Darla, Rikki, Jack, and Vasya to try and help her steal Redwing. Sasha stops them only because he doesn’t want his mama bird Sam to be sad.

Falcons are her favorite type of bird and her Uncle Clint is so betrayed while her Uncle Sam just beams with pride.

Natasha is d o n e. She hates birds. When Nika says that Uncle Sam is teaching her falconry, Natasha sighs and mutters, “God damn it Sam.”

- Nika and Vasya can talk about birds for hours, but Nika only really loves falcons the most.

- Falconry is her favorite hobby.

Yelena ran into the living room the first day that Nika said she was doing falconry and yelled, “I’m coming with you!” Natasha just looked at her, completely unamused. “For supervision and shit. Shut up, lisichka.”

- When she’s five, Vladimir and Yelena accidentally and Vasya up at the grocery store by grabbing the other’s buggies and since they hadn’t seen each other in nearly three years, Vladimir didn’t recognize Nika and began panicking because he misplaced his daughter.

He ended up accidentally dyeing her hair blue. When Yelena sees she begins internally screaming but calmly, “Natasha is not going to be very pleased.”

Vasya is so jealous of Nika’s mermaid hair that Vladimir sighs and dyes her hair as well.Matt and Natasha were not very pleased.

- She loves hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and dozens of mini marshmallows. It makes her think of Christmas.

Natasha, Yelena, and Nika, for Christmas they curl up with their hot cocoa and watch The Nutcracker. It’s one of Nika’s favorite parts of the year.

- When she and Raphael move in together she gets two pet geckos and names them Phillip and Aurora only to find out that Phillip is going to have baby geckos.

Raphael screams when he finds a gecko in his coffee mug one day and she laughs at him for a solid ten minutes.

She has three pet parakeets along with the two geckos.

They break up after four years because she catches him cheating on her. Vasya offers to break his kneecaps but Nika tells her that won’t be necessary. Michael tells his brother that he may want to take a vacation to Italy for a while for his safety.

- Her favorite time of the day is late afternoon because she’s out of school and it’s getting close to dinner time.

- Her favorite subjects are art in middle school but eventually it ends up being biology. She hates math, it makes her cry. Jack tries to tutor her at geometry.

- She loves animals even more than Jack does and becomes a vet.

Her least favorite class in college ends up being math of all sorts and nutrition because all she can think about in nutrition is how many chicken nuggets she’d much rather be eating than sitting in that boring class.

- When she and Francis get together he loves all of her pets. It’s not all that different than when he’d stay on his dad’s farm after all.

6 Songs that she probably has on her phone/fit her well:

Shoutout to My Ex by Little Mix

She’s A Genius by Jet

Gravel to Temp by Hayley Kiyoko

Get On Your Knees by Nicki Minaj

We Are The Heroes by Litesound

Sokol by Nadezhda Misyakova

Ace-friendly SH Fics: Masterlist

Alrighty folks so strap in, here is the first round of my ace-friendly Shadowhunters fic rec list! It’s so hard to have to navigate fics that should have a canon asexual character, always just vaguely expecting disappointment (cough Raphael). So. All of the fics on this list are ace-friendly in some way or another, whether it’s tagged/talked about or even intended by the author or not- they do NOT invalidate Raphael’s asexuality (using the definition of asexuality as not experiencing sexual attraction, irrespective of feelings toward sex. And while this list does have some aroace!Raphael, it is specifically for ace!Raphael)  This’ll cover everything from ace-friendly smut for my smut-inclined friends (meaning Raphael is not sex-repulsed in those, but still ace) to platonic/solo stuff for those of my friends who are less romance-inclined. I also threw in some headcannons of other SH characters. Let me know what you all think! (Things not under the “smut” category do not have any written descriptions of sex to the best of my memory and brief scan-throughs, but please let me know if there’s something in the general list that should be under smut). If you’re strongly sex-repulsed please use your usual discretion. (And everyone just please read the tags in general).   One final note: keep in mind that this is just a collection of fics that are supportive of asexuality. While these are fics I personally enjoyed/read often, this list is not an endorsement of all aspects of the content (ie. the way other identities are handled, etc.) This list is meant to account for different tastes, just with the bonus relief of knowing asexuality is there. So, here we go! 

(I’m ridiculous and can’t do regular summaries; my comments on each rec- if any- are in the brackets): 

Saphael (without direct mention of asexuality but still unequivocally respecting it):

The Heart of An Adventurer by DustinMcDreamy 

Skyrim/Dark Ages AU: Simon is a simple tavern worker, but he wants more than his boring life. An adventurer stays the night at their Inn and Simon is enamored with both the adventurer and his wonderful life. 

(so this is a lovely person who I’ve been collaborating with and they are honestly such an ally and their stories are wonderful, this one is probably my favourite but you can check out their page for other stuff)

put the boom boom into my heart by idontshaveforsher_yesyoudo

"Or maybe something like soulmates always sneeze at the same time and I cant be sure but me and this kid in my French class just sneezed at the same time are we soulmates or was it a coincidence (proceed w character trying to make themselves sneeze around said person to see what’s what)"

or, the one where simon hates his life and Mr. Immaculate Hair doesn't make it better, until he does

Forgotten at Dusk by halfmast Simon finds Raphael wandering around Manhattan barefoot - things go downhill (uphill?) from there.

(So I think this is the only one I’ve included that’s an unfinished WIP and is also NOT explicitly laid out as asexual- because I can’t guarantee it won’t change in later chapters. It also has one chapter left and hasn’t updated in a while so if that rattles you, don’t touch. But it’s beautifully written and sweet and a neat concept, and so far doesn’t contradict asexuality!)

before I ever met you by izzyasavestheday (stilessexual) “I’m missing something,” Simon went on, voice cracking. “I’m missing someone but no matter how hard I try I just can’t fucking remember.”

Can you find me someone to love? by domoiswatchingyou

They all have one thing in common: they are all bad at love, even when some of them love to deny it. (Saphael and Malec AU WIP) (And I gotta say guys, I beta for this lovely person- and thus actually have a hand in writing the ace parts- and they are a wonderful individual. Asexuality not mentioned as of yet but will be upcoming). 

baby, I’m not made of stone by izzyasavestheday (stilessexual)

“Did I ever tell you that we feel everything? The clan, I mean. If I focus enough, I can tell you who’s sad and who’s angry and who hasn’t been sleeping properly. I can tell you who’s been having nightmares. There are no secrets here.”

i'd spend all nine lives with you by alaricrodriguez

simon gets himself turned into a kitten and raphael can't find his fledgling

(this is just little and cute and there’s no explicit effort made to make Raph ace but I guess I’m kind of cheating since it’s from Simon’s POV and doesn’t come up at all but it’s not contradicted and I love this fic so)

echo series by izzyasavestheday (stilessexual) “Right,” Raphael brought himself to his feet, smooth as anything. “Let’s go.” Simon gapped up at him, “Go where?” Raphael rolled his eyes, impressively, (like he didn’t care, like he didn’t care about Simon, but he was here and they both knew neither of them could ever stop caring no matter how much they continued to hurt one another) and heaved a spectacular sigh. “Home.” -

Saphael (ft. actual conversations about asexuality/the word is spoken):

Somebody out there by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice)

(Road trip fic, which is classic of course. PLEASE read the tags. Could be interpreted as demi/gray ace but I identify as just ace and it fits me just fine. This is one of the first fics I read coming into this fandom, and the first one that made me fall in love with Saphael, and it’s got an insanely special warm fuzzy place in my heart) (Also 27 chapters, so how can you complain about that???) The acing on the cake by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice) 

““Oh, come on, puns are amazing! Tell me your sexuality and I’m sure we will have at least one shirt that’ll appeal to you.”  Simon patted the pile of shirts in front of him and smiled hopefully at Raphael who really wanted to disagree and tell the boy he was wasting his time here but he couldn’t bring himself to.” (pride!fic) (this author has some of my favourite ace!Saphael fics ever, and like an endless supply of them with everything under the ace/aro umbrella) A Lesson in Love series by Malteser24 ”Simon thinks it will be difficult to adapt to their new situation - in which they don't actually hate each other - and Raphael can't imagine their date as being anything but awkward, considering how out of his depth he is when it comes to dating.Instead, they actually have a fairly good time.” like a love song on the radio by eversall 

Simon's a bartender, Raphael plays the piano, and somehow they manage to communicate to each other that yeah, they both want this. 

Rock Solid Panda by OhHolyHell

(Made for pan pride day, “Raphael is actually a thoughtful softie” (and so is Simon!) (ft. ace puns)) Disasters that lead to pretty boys (are worth it) by gayinsight "My friend is out of town and I’m supposed to be taking care of her pet fish but it died and you work at the pet store help me find one that looks the same so she won’t notice!" (this one has a hella flirtatious Raphael making some jokes that imply sexual attraction but it doesn’t actually HAVE him experience it and it’s honestly one of the cutest, funniest little Saphael fics ever so) 

if i ever had your number, i think i would use it by eversall

“You – why is your number in the Pandemonium bathroom?”

(classic meet-ugly sorta vibe) I am a pile of bricks and you are holding a sledgehammer by LiviKate “So when do I get tucked safely back under Raphael’s wing?” “You won’t,” Lily said, wandering over to the other side of the room to get her own drink. “Raphael has a new fledgling now. You’re stuck with me.” Or, when Simon isn't the newest vamp in the clan, he has a hard time sharing.

Promised It All, But You Lied by sirknightmordred As Raphael lies in a magical coma that can't be cured, Simon thinks back to pivotal moments in their relationship. (There IS a warning for fairly descriptive sexual assault, but it’s actually surrounded by bolded words in the story so easy to skip. And it does not attribute his ace-ness to the assault, but it’s also rep for those of us who are ace AND have negative experiences with sexual violence) 

Sing me a Song by Margo_96

the one where Simon teaches Raphael's younger brother how to play the guitar and Raphael is not happy. or maybe he doesn't mind it that much (Okay so this is one that kind of equates asexual to ‘not wanting sex,’ and Raphael does have very strong infatuation so not so much representative of romantically-fuzzy people. Hooweeverr, it’s cute af, and I like Simon’s initial reaction to the coming out, and it’s 8 chapters, so worth a read for sure) until i’m not afraid by angelblooddemondust

(Trans!Simon (which I can’t speak to at all) ft ace!supportiveRaph (which I can)) (read the notes) -

Saphael (ft. smut):

Head is spinning thinking ‘bout by LiviKate 

Simon and Raphael enjoy their time together, even if Simon doesn't really know what to call it.

Or, gratuitous vampire sex with some ace-spectrum themes because there's not enough Asexual Raphael.

(This is a lot of blood drinking, which is not my fav, but it’s brilliant in terms of what a sex-positive ace might look like and how they experience sex- it’s from Raph’s POV, and it’s quite good overall imo. Probably my favourite ace!smut)

Just Pull me Closer by SomeWaywardDaughter  After spending an irritating patrol with Clary and Jace, Simon just wants to get back to Hotel DuMort and Raphael. (so I’mma be honest I was in a pretty sex-repulsed mood while doing this part so I didn’t fully reread it to be sure it’s safe but it’s literally written by a self-professed ace author and I did see reference to the aceness amidst the smut so I’m pretty sure we’re good)

What is Desired by DustinMcDreamy (I’m not going to include descriptions for smut because many of them are potentially triggering in nature for sex-repulsed friends, but this one is a dom/sub sort of thing, pretty hella kinky so buyers beware. It’s messy on the ace-front (the author started the series before Raphael came out, and had to add it retroactively) but there’s some good lines in there in particular for gray ace or demi folks who are experiencing lust for someone for the first/only time, etc.) chasing starlight by  mostlikelydefinentlymad There was no set destination, simply one agreed upon prerogative: drive. (So this isn’t technically smut insofar as there’s no actual explicit description of sex, it’s basically all blood drinking, but it’s a heavily implied metaphor and Raphael’s blood lust for Simon is very reminiscent of sexual attraction, so that part kind of doesn’t reflect how I feel as an ace person. BUT Raphael does not actually experience sexual attraction, the story is quite lovely, and the author is quite lovely as well, so I’d still recommend it)

Caught. by Kalifa (Lol this is short and not super smutty either but it’s like #sexindifferentfeels all the way)  -

Raphael and Other Characters ( back to no smut):

love comes in at the eye by prettydizzeed

The first time he asks Raphael out, Raphael scoffs.

(A Raphael/Meliorn fic- and I gotta tell you I didn’t even ship these two but the characterization is beautiful and the handling of the asexuality is a dream)

maybe we're just gonna live forever, maybe heaven's a mistake by prettydizzeed

Raphael presses the pendant into his palm and looks at Magnus. “How did you become okay with it?” Magnus gives a flourish of his hand. “After the whole ‘half demon blood, scorned by the earth as a monster’ thing, liking boys wasn't that big of a deal.” He sees Raphael's expression and adds gently, “But it's different for everyone.” Raphael looks at his hands. Lets go of the cross. “How do I become okay with it?” Incompatible by NotEvenThat

Raphael wants to know why their relationship works for Jace. As with everything, Jace struggles to talk about his feelings and why Raphael Santiago makes him feel so safe. (I can’t even get over how much I love that this fic makes asexuality seem like a bonus rather than a burden in a relationship- which shouldn’t be rare, but alas)

landscapes by brightclam

(Another Raph/Meliorn, those seem to be popular! Ft. gender nonconforming Meliorn and the tags “Asexual Raphael Santiago” “i shouldn't have to tag that but some of y'all demons ignore that” which made me laugh for like 5 minutes)

- Arospec!Raphael/Romance not Mentioned:

Make Yourself at Home by savannahrunes

Two occasions Raphael Santiago shows up at Magnus's door, each time with something quite important to say. (This is my favourite aroace Raphael fic ever and made me cry both times I read it. Also written by an ace author) (do yourself a favour and read this even if you’re not arospec- although that goes for all of them in this category) (he is legitimately 100% aro in this) 

Unnamed Soulmate AU by http://parabatri-gonebabygone.tumblr.com

(So I couldn’t trace this back to AO3 or even the author’s most recent tumblr but it’s so beautiful and I love this fic so much and the author (in my limited opinion) did an amazing job of having an aroace soulmate dynamic and gah, yes)

Four Times Raphael Santiago Was Kissed, and the One Time He Kissed First by albabutter 

His mother should have had a house full of girls. Instead she ended up with him and his brothers and a rag tag crew of every teenaged hooligan in a five mile radius running through her home. She was quick to grab an ear but quicker to give a hug, and Raphael put up with it as well as could be expected. She gave hugs to the neighborhood boys and kisses to her sons, and the only silver lining was that she didn’t wear lipstick. (honestly this is one of my favourite Raphael fics in general, and I believe the author only intended for him to be ace in this but I definitely interpret it as at least aro-spec as well if not just straight-up aroace)  When’s a monster not a monster? by scalira “He had never heard about something like this before. You either liked the opposite sex or you lived in sin as someone who liked the same sex. But he had never heard of people just not liking any sex.He decided to just let it rest for now, pushing the worry aside till he at least graduated highschool. But then there was a friend, and his name was David.” (*** Warning: there is a fairly sudden mention of oral sex near the beginning. And some descriptions of violence. But this is one of my favourite ace-fics in the way that it explains what asexual attraction feels like for me, and Raph is also  grey-homoromantic so bonus) (this author has lots of varying ace and demi/grayromantic/etc Raphael fics too to check out) Carpe Noctem by UMsArchive  For decades, it seems like unlife couldn't get any better and nothing threatens to take all of that happiness away from Simon. Aside from the passing of time that slowly takes everything away from him. Almost everything. (Listed as demiromantic, but as far as I can remember doesn’t even have kissing by the end so it should be fairly aro-friendly) 

Maybe by mckvch(RaiseYourVoice)

“ Yeah, he definitely didn’t want to kiss girls, ever, but boys...not so much, either.” (arospec Raphael with some ambiguousness about his feelings for Simon) It's Not a Date (Unless I Pay for Dinner) by  Vitamin_Me Clary cancels their date last minute, but Simon ends up having a good time despite himself. (So I don’t think this author really intended on having Raphael be aro or even ace, but while I’m not aro and can’t be sure, I think this fic should be pretty safe even for people who are mildly romance-repulsed. There’s definitely implications of feelings- especially from Simon- but really I interpret it as being this chill, mostly platonic, nice little fic that makes me feel pretty good when I’m sick of all the heavy romance stuff) 18. Play A Musical Instrument by GideonGraystairs

So this is just a tiny drabble amidst a sea of drabbles but I love it because it’s one of the only fics I’ve seen that’s literally JUST Raphael, reflecting, by himself. It doesn’t say he’s ace/aro anything, it just doesn’t have any romantic arc at all) -

ace!Alec Lightwood:

Accidental Fate by allonsyarielle 

There were two things Alec Lightwood knew about himself beyond a shadow of a doubt. The first was that he was gay. The second was that he does not like sex. Through a chance encounter with Magnus Bane, Alec learns about asexuality, and it opens his eyes to a new part of his identity. (okay so this one did sort of equate asexuality with “not wanting sex” but I still included it because I think it’s a frank take on how it can feel to realize you’re asexual, and all of the negative emotions that can come with that) Sleepovers Aren’t Just for Kids by SomeWaywardDaughter Ace!Alec discovery his sexuality (written by an ace author) -

Others SH headcannons: 

Send My Love To Your New Lover by HornedQueenOfHell 

(This one is about ace!Etta, one of Magnus’s old exes. It also does the ace=not wanting sex thing, but the author is ace-spec so it’s got some perspective for sure. And it’s written so beautifully and such a lovely concept. **Warning for ace-phobia and brief sexual harassment) (I cried the first time I read this) El Hijo De Santa Muerte by Gzmoii “He stepped aside, letting Guadalupe in. She walked in with a careful nod, looking around at Magnus’ loft. Magnus snapped his fingers behind his back, hiding the potions and other magical ingredients around the loft. Given that Guadalupe wasn’t a mundane, she wouldn’t be able to notice the subtle shift as everything around the room moved. Guadalupe’s head snapped toward him, “What was that?” She asked.” (So this actually DOES have ace!Raphael, but I’m putting it here because it also has aro!Guadalupe Santiago, which is hella rad) (22 ch and counting) 

You Aren’t Broken by allonsyarielle

(Ace!Alec but also demiromantic!Magnus)

-- -- -- Alright, that’s it for now!  Hope you all got something out of this! If you are one of the authors listed here and you want your fic/name OFF the list, please message me. If you have written an ace-friendly fic that you want included, hmu and I’ll check it out. Depending on demand, I’ll hopefully be doing updated lists every so often, as well as spin-offs (for example, I have a small but growing list of Malec fics that just so happen to have really sweet comments about asexuality, or have ace!Raphael as a minor character). If you want to request any specific type of fic, please feel free to ask me, I’ve literally got folders overflowing. Have a lovely, ace-friendly day! 

A Walk to Remember Chapter 1 Snark

If you enjoy the content you are reading, please like and follow the Center of Stupidity blog.

Interested in reading the previous A Walk to Remember chapter snarks? They can be found here. 

Next Nicholas Sparks Book Snark: The Rescue 

Chapter summary: We meet a Bible-thumping minister and Landon is a terrible person. Also, the designated love interest is an Angel of the House: innocent, perfect, and pure.

The story is set in Beaufort, North Carolina in 1958.

Landon says that the humidity is so hot in the summer that “walking out to get the mail made a person feel as if he needed a shower.”

People waved from their cars whenever they saw someone on the street whether they knew him or not,

In a Nicholas Sparks, everyone is friendly, good, and God-fearing Christians. (The villain is always one-dimensional.)

They know each other’s business and have lived in town for their entire lives. And news always travels fast in the small town.

Landon says for many people fishing and crabbing is a way of life.

Only three channels came in on the television, though television was never important to those of us who grew up there. Instead our lives were centered around the churches, of which there were eighteen within the town limits alone.

1. Yes, I know that Americans were more religious in the 1950’s. 2. But they still had a life outside of a church and weren’t thinking about Jesus 24/7. 3. People went camping and fishing. They also went to bowling alleys, sock hops, and drive-in movie theaters. 4. For most of the story, Landon isn’t very religious. He goes to church but that’s it. And Landon regards a girl who reads the Bible every day as a weirdo. 5. The only time Landon became religious is when he supposedly fell in love with Jamie. 6. It is important to remember that Nicholas Sparks has writing rules that he won’t break like all of his characters must go to church.  7. And he has said that people without faith are alone, thinking they are the center of the universe. 

Landon rattles off the names and types of Baptist churches in the area.

The big event of the year is a Christmas play sponsored by the Baptist church downtown and the local high school.

The play is written by Hegbert Sullivan, “a minister who’d been with the church since Moses parted the Red Sea."

Okay, maybe he wasn’t that old, but he was old enough that you could almost see through the guy’s skin. It was sort of clammy all the time, and translucent—kids would swear they actually saw the blood flowing through his veins—

Translucent skin… Translu…

“His skin was translucently white, like onionskin, and it looked just as delicate—” New Moon by Stephenie Meyer

So Hegbert is a sparklepire? Good to know.

and his hair was as white as those bunnies you see in pet stores around Easter.

Wow. Just wow. The prose is so boring and bland.

And Nicholas Sparks thinks he writes like Ernest Hemingway…

Also, what seventeen-year-old boy would say “bunnies”?

Hebert wrote the play The Christmas Angel because he hates A Christmas Carol.

In his mind, Scrooge was a heathen, who came to his redemption only because he saw ghosts, not angels—and who was to say whether they’d been sent by God, anyway?

I hate to break it to ya but both ghosts and angels are spirits.

The only difference is that a ghost is a human spirit that has not properly passed over to the other side and they remain on earth while angels are spiritual beings of light.

And who was to say he wouldn’t revert to his sinful ways if they hadn’t been sent directly from heaven?

Um… If the ghosts weren’t sent from Heaven, then where did they come from?

Baptists don’t believe in purgatory. After death, they believe that there are only two places where people can go: Heaven or Hell.

Unless the minister thinks the ghosts are demons in disguise.

It won’t make any sense because the three spirits are trying to get Scrooge to repent and be a better person.

The play didn’t exactly tell you in the end—it sort of plays into faith and all—

Maybe Charles Dickens didn’t think he had to spell it out in 72 pt Times New Roman font.

but Hegbert didn’t trust ghosts if they weren’t actually sent by God, which wasn’t explained in plain language, and this was his big problem with it.

1. And where is the proof that they are not sent by God? 2. Faith is about believing without seeing and not demanding proof. 3. And Christians who deepen their faith learn how to discern between the voice of God, the voice of Satan, and one’s ego. 4. Is Hegbert pissed off at Charles Dickens because the ghosts didn’t say ”I am the ghost of Christmas (past/present/future) and I was sent by God the Father Almighty, Maker of Heaven and Earth"? 5. Because following that logic, the Archangel Raphael was not sent by God. 6. In The Book of Tobit, the Archangel Raphael didn’t reveal his identity until Tobit cures his father’s blindness. For most of the story, Tobit knew the Archangel Raphael as Azariah the son of Hananiah the great.

A few years back he’d changed the end of the play—sort of followed it up with his own version, complete with old man Scrooge becoming a preacher and all, heading off to Jerusalem to find the place where Jesus once taught the scribes.

Unsurprisingly, nobody liked the play so Hegbert decided to write his own play.

He’d written his own sermons his whole life, and some of them, we had to admit, were actually interesting, especially when he talked about the “wrath of God coming down on the fornicators” and all that good stuff.

A fire and brimstone minister.

N. Sparks will claim later on that he has a great sense of humor and we are supposed to see him as a great guy.

Because we all know fire and brimstone ministers are not anti-semitic, homophobic, islamophobic, misogynistic, racist, sexist and xenophobic pieces of shit.

That really got his blood boiling, I’ll tell you, when he talked about the fornicators. That was his real hot spot.

“And don’t get him started on those Commies and sodomites."

So Landon and his friends hid behind trees and shouting that Hegbert is a fornicator before walking down the street.

We’d giggle like idiots, like we were the wittiest creatures ever to inhabit the planet.

Landon is following Anita Blake's logic: If you do something wrong, just say you feel bad about it, and continue being a terrible person. And nobody will dare tell you to STOP being an asshole.

Old Hegbert, he’d stop dead in his tracks and his ears would perk up—I swear to God, they actually moved—and he’d turn this bright shade of red, like he’d just drunk gasoline, and the big green veins in his neck would start sticking out all over, like those maps of the Amazon River that you see in National Geographic.

1. So Hegbert is a mog too? (Virtual cupcake to anyone who gets that reference.) 2. I know that some people can wiggle their ears. Because humans can't perk their ears up like a dog.

Hegbert is pissed off and he is looking for them.

Boy, it was something to watch, that’s for sure.

"Being an asshole is a lot of fun!"

So the assholes are hiding behind a tree. Landon sneers "what kind of parents name their kid Hegbert, anyway?" and Hegbert is standing there, waiting for them to "to give ourselves up, as if he thought we’d be that stupid."

They cover their mouths with their hands and Hegbert always knows where to find them.

Hegbert tells them that he along with the Lord knows "who you are". And a minute later, Hegbert walks away.

During the sermon that weekend he’d stare right at us and say something like “God is merciful to children, but the children must be worthy as well.”

"But subject you to pain, unpleasantness -- suffering -- and you will take notice, you will fight to overcome, to earn your redemption. That is when you're at your best." Gabriel from Constantine 2005.

I think Gabriel and Hegbert should go bowling.

The assholes lower themselves in seats "not from embarrassment, but to hide a new round of giggles."

Landon says that Hegbert didn't understand us "didn’t understand us at all, which was really sort of strange, being that he had a kid and all."

But then again, she was a girl. More on that, though, later.

"Girls are ladylike and only like cute and pretty things. And tomboys don't exist."

Landon repeats the fact that Hegbert is the one who wrote The Christmas Angel and decided to put on the play.

He says that the play isn't bad and this surprised everyone the first year it was performed.

I am putting on my jeweled turban and gaze into my crystal ball.

It's about Hegbert Tom Thorton who had lost his wife in childbirth and is raising a daughter all on his own.

It will also be sappy like a Hallmark movie. Aren't I awesome?

He hasn't been the greatest father and his daughter wants a special music box for Christmas. He can't find the box and meets an angel disguised as a woman on Christmas Eve.

The angel promises to help him to get the gift for his daughter. Along the way, they help a homeless person and Landon is quick to say that "back then they were called bums".

Tom tells the angel that he wants his wife back for Christmas. The angel tells him to look into the city fountain and he'll find what he is looking for.

Tom cries after seeing the face of his daughter. The angel is MIA and Tom heads home.

He realizes he hasn't been a good father and that his daughter is all he has left of his wife.

The story ends with the music box underneath the tree and the angel on the box looks exactly like the mysterious woman.

Landon repeats that the play "wasn't that bad".

Apparently, the play sold out every year and people "cried buckets" every time they saw it.

Hegbert wants seniors in high school to perform the play and not the theater group.

I reckon he thought it would be a good learning experience before the seniors headed off to college and came face-to-face with all the fornicators.

Unless these seniors want to become actors, how is performing a play count as "good learning experience"? 

And how does performing a Christmas give the students the information to deal with "fornicators"? 

I'm getting the impression that Nicholas Sparks thinks that men and women in the past were BOTH expected to stay celibate before marriage.

But that's not the case. Men weren't expected to remain virgins.

Men could have extramarital affairs, have longtime mistresses, and even have sex with other men. And guys would get away with it as long as they didn't flaunt them in public.

Women were expected to celibate until they were married. It took an unchaperoned visit or ONE sexual affair for a woman to be considered a whore. 

He was that kind of guy, you know, always wanting to save us from temptation.

"Remember boys and girls: premarital sex is wrong!"

He wanted us to know that God is out there watching you, even when you’re away from home, and that if you put your trust in God, you’ll be all right in the end.

Riiight.

Because the same minister who gives fire and brimstone sermons would be the sort of person that would talk about God watching over you and if you trust Him, then things will be all right.

I think the minister would most likely say "God is always watching your every move. If you are bad, He will smite you. And your soul will burn in Hell for all eternity."

It was a lesson that I would eventually learn in time, though it wasn’t Hegbert who taught me.

"It would be my designated love interest."

Landon says that Beaufort is a typical southern town but it has an interesting history.

He talks about how Blackbeard owned a house in town and recently his ship might have been found by "some archaeologists or oceanographers or whoever looks for stuff like that."

Landon, they are called marine archaeologists.

Being that it sank over 250 years ago and you can’t exactly reach into the glove compartment and check the registration.

Because a pirate ship would have a glove box.

I think that comment sounded wittier in Nicholas Spark’s head than it does on paper.

Beaufort’s come a long way since the 1950s, but it’s still not exactly a major metropolis or anything.

We get it, Landon. Beaufort is a quaint and small southern town.

Beaufort was, and always will be, on the smallish side, but when I was growing up, it barely warranted a place on the map.

For the love of all that is holy, will you please stop talking about the same thing over and over again?

Landon keeps talking about how Beaufort is a small town and how "the congressional district that included Beaufort covered the entire eastern part of the state—some twenty thousand square miles—and there wasn’t a single town with more than twenty-five thousand people."

It turns out that Landon's father is a congressman.

I suppose you’ve heard of him. He’s sort of a legend, even now.

If he was a legend, then you wouldn't be telling us who he is.

Landon's father is Worth Carter and he was a congressman for almost thirty years.

Worth's election slogan is “Worth Carter represents ———” and people are supposed to fill in the city name where they lived.

I can remember, driving on trips when me and Mom had to make our appearances to show the people he was a true family man

I call bullshit on Landon's dad being a "true family man".

Landon's father is gone nine months out of the year and is living in Washington D.C. while his mother is taking care of him.

Landon talks about how his father election slogan "was fairly sophisticated publicity."

He says that nowadays people would put foul language in the blank space but in the good ol' days  "we never saw it once."

Landon quickly backpedals and says "okay, maybe once."

A farmer from Duplin County once wrote the word shit in the blank space, and when my mom saw it, she covered my eyes and said a prayer asking for forgiveness for the poor ignorant bastard.

Nicholas Sparks is still trying to persuade me that 1950's was a wholesome utopia.

But I'm not convinced.

Every era of human history, no matter how fascinating or glamorous, has a dark side that people don't want to acknowledge. 

And I find it very hard to believe that Landon has never seen or heard foul language before. 

For instance, in middle school, I heard people say things that would make even a sailor blush. 

Since Landon's mother is ladylike, she "didn’t say exactly those words."

So my father, Mr. Congressman, was a big-wig, and everyone but everyone knew it, including old man Hegbert.

Landon claimed that daddy dearest was a "legend."

And Merriam-Webster defines a bigwig as "an important person"

So the words "everyone but everyone knew it" is redundant.

Worth Carter and Hegbert don't get along. But Worth still goes to Hegbert's church whenever he was in town.

Hegbert, in addition to his belief that fornicators were destined to clean the urinals in hell, also believed that communism was “a sickness that doomed mankind to heathenhood.”

I will bring this up if anyone claims that Hegbert is a good guy. 

One of the biggest problems with A Walk to Remember is plot mixing. 

What is plot mixing, you may ask?

Plot mixing is a term that I have coined. Plot mixing is when an artist takes at least two contradictory plots and they mix it together haphazardly, resulting in a ghastly mess. 

For instance, Hegbert is supposed to be a wonderful guy with a great sense of humor. But he is acting like a Bible-thumping minister. 

They also knew that he was directing his words specifically to my father, who would sit with his eyes closed and pretend not to listen.

I have just a quick question: why would Landon's dad go to a church where the minister despises him and makes pointed sermons?  

According to Landon, there are other churches in the area. So, why hasn't Worth Carter left Hegbert's church and joined another church?

It turns out that Landon's father belongs to the House of Un-American Activities Committee.

My father had consistently looked for facts, which were irrelevant to people like Hegbert.

IRL, I hate it when people think they are the gatekeepers of knowledge, truth, and wisdom.

They also claim that they have "facts" that support their worldviews.

If anyone who disagrees with them, then they are dumb sheep and a racist bigot.

Are we seriously supposed to see HUAC as the good guys? 

HUAC ruined people's lives and careers. And their actions violated the 1st and 5th Amendments of the Bill of Rights. 

Every time Landon's father would come home after the church service, he would complain about Reverend Sullivan.

My father tried to defuse situations whenever possible. I think that’s why he stayed in Congress for so long.

Like any politician, a congressperson gives people in high places verbal blowjobs and make promises that they have no intentions of keeping along with having goons to cover up their crimes.

The guy could kiss the ugliest babies known to mankind and still come up with something nice to say.

Are we supposed to applaud Landon's dad being nice to the "ugly" people?

“He’s such a gentle child,” he’d say when a baby had a giant head, or, “I’ll bet she’s the sweetest girl in the world,” if she had a birthmark over her entire face. One time a lady showed up with a kid in a wheelchair. My father took one look at him and said, “I’ll bet you ten to one that you’re smartest kid in your class.”

Fuck this book with a rusty screwdriver!

And he wasn’t such a bad guy, not really, especially if you consider the fact that he didn’t beat me or anything.

A parent is not supposed to abuse their children, you twat!

But he wasn’t there for me growing up.

In a better story, Landon being estranged from his father would be a source of conflict. 

And throughout the story, Landon would fix his broken relationship with his father.

But this is a shitty story, Landon will meet his designated one tru luv who is purer than Sir Galahad. 

Landon spends time with this girl and his relationship with Dad is magically mended. 

I hate to say that because nowadays people claim that sort of stuff even if their parent was around and use it to excuse their behavior. I’m not using it to excuse the person I’ve become, I’m simply saying it as a fact.

No, you did. 

You even said it "made me become something of a rebel."

My mother didn’t go with him because both of them wanted me to grow up “the same way they had.”

So they were raised by one parent?

Wait a tick... I think what Landon means is that his parents wanted him to grow up in a small town. 

And small towns tend to be politically conservative. 

As a member of HUAC, a married man living alone would raise more than a few eyebrows.

Especially since the nuclear family was considered the "ideal" family in 1950's.

Also during this time period, people wanted to uphold traditional family roles and values.   

I'm sure Worth Carter's political opponents would have a field day if they knew he wasn't a family man. 

And you can't tell me that in a Southern small-town that people won't gossip about a married woman raising a child all by herself and her husband is rarely home. 

Landon says that his grandfather spent time with his father and how that "adds up to quite a bit before adulthood."

Landon talks about how his father was "a stranger" and someone he "barely knew at all."

He also used to think that "all fathers lived somewhere else."

Landon says that one day his best friend Eric Hunter asks him "who that guy was who showed up at my house".

Landon replies that the man was his father "proudly."

“Oh,” Eric said as he rifled through my lunchbox, looking for my Milky Way, “I didn’t know you had a father.”

"People around town were saying that your mamma was a whore and has a beau."

Landon repeats the fact that he was raised by his mother.

Now she was a nice lady, sweet and gentle, the kind of mother most people dream about.

Because most people want their mother to be a cold-hearted bitch.

Does Landon seriously think that his mother deserves a medal for not being an asshole? 

And I'm getting the feeling that dear old mom is going to be a submissive housewife who never speaks her mind, makes sure the house is always immaculate and treats her husband like a king. 

But she wasn’t, nor could she ever be, a manly influence in my life, and that fact, coupled with my growing disillusionment with my father, made me become something of a rebel, even at a young age.

Where do I even begin?

According to Landon, women are incapable of doing/liking "manly" activities. 

Butch women or tomboys don't exist. ALL women love feminine things and are ladylike. 

And it takes a MAN to raise a "real" man.

The father is supposed to do "manly" activities with his son on a regular basis. And boys are supposed to do and like "manly" activities.

If the boy doesn't and becomes a delinquent, then he is a sissy and his mother is to blame.

Not a bad one, mind you.

This is a Nicholas Sparks novel.

He would never have a "protagonist" do bad things. He has a wholesome image to uphold.

They must be good as gold or be mildly delinquent.

Me and my friends might sneak out late and soap up car windows now and then or eat boiled peanuts in the graveyard behind the church, but in the fifties that was the kind of thing that made other parents shake their heads and whisper to their children, “You don’t want to be like that Carter boy. He’s on the fast track to prison.”

Contrary to what Nicholas Sparks might believe, the 1950's wasn't Leave it to Beaver.

For instance, people did phone pranks, threw cherry bombs or were stealing statues.

Me. A bad boy. For eating boiled peanuts in the graveyard. Go figure.

Landon repeats the fact that his father and Hegbert don't get along. But he says "it wasn’t only because of politics."

And then it happens.

It turns out that Worth Carter and Hegbert knew each other for a long time.

And Hegbert is twenty years older than Daddy Dearest and used to work for Landon's grandfather.

My grandfather— even though he spent lots of time with my father —was a true bastard if there ever was one.

I have a question, Landon. Does your grandfather only wears black clothing and has an evil laugh?

He was the one, by the way, who made the family fortune, but I don’t want you to imagine him as the sort of man who slaved over his business, working diligently and watching it grow, prospering slowly over time.

We get it, Nicholas Sparks. Landon's grandpa is more evil and greedy than all the robber barons.

Next, you'll be telling us that grandpa was a pedophile or kicked puppies for fun.

His grandfather was a bootlegger during the Prohibition, started buying land and then hired sharecroppers to work it.

Grandpa also took ninety percent of the money the sharecroppers made and loaned them money whenever they needed it at high-interest rates.

Grandpa is so EVIL he forecloses on any equipment or land they happen to own. Evil Grandpa...

No. From now on, I'm calling him Grandpa Beelzebub or GB.

GB started a bank called "Carter Banking and Loan."

The only other bank in a two-county radius had mysteriously burned down, and with the onset of the Depression, it never reopened.

The other bank didn't "mysteriously" burn down, you twit. GB had his goons torch the place.

Though everyone knew what had really happened, not a word was ever spoken for fear of retribution, and their fear was well placed.

So even the police were shaking in their boots?

The bank wasn't the only building that burned down.

Landon repeats the fact that Grandpa Beelzebub's interest rates "were outrageous." As time progresses, GB amasses more land and property.

He gets the original owners to continue working and pays them just enough money to "to keep them where they were, because they had nowhere else to go."

He told them that when the economy improved, he’d sell their business back to them, and people always believed him.

The townspeople know that GB used fear and intimidation to get what he wanted along with his shady business practices.

And they ALL believed that he would honor his promises. 

Never once, however, did he keep his promise. In the end he controlled a vast portion of the county’s economy, and he abused his clout in every way imaginable.

Ya know what?

There are so many times I can point out how Grandpa Beelzebub is cartoonishly evil so I'll let this gif speak for itself.

Grandpa Beelzebub died while having sex with his mistress on his yacht in the Cayman Islands. GB was also an old man.

He’d outlived both his wives and his only son.

If Daddy Dearest died before GB, he wouldn't be a prominent congressman.

And Landon would have never met his father. 

He would be visiting Daddy's grave and be raised by a widow. 

Life, I’ve learned, is never fair.

Marvel at how deep he is! No one has ever made such a wise statement.

Landon whines that it should be taught in school.

Hegbert, once he realized what a bastard my grandfather really was,

You mean arson and usury are not legal and moral? I never knew that!

Thanks for letting me know, Nicholas Sparks!

So, Hegbert quit working for GB and went into the ministry. Then he started ministering in the same church that Landon's family attended.

Hegbert spent some time "perfecting his fire-and brimstone act", giving monthly sermons on the evils of greed.

He was so busy Bible thumping that he had "scant time for anything else."

Hegbert was forty-three when he was married and his daughter Jamie was born when he was fifty-five.

Hegbert's wife was twenty-three years old and had six miscarriages before Jamie was born. She also died in childbirth.

Hence, of course, the story behind the play.

I love it when I'm right. And Hegbert is so arrogant if he thinks that everyone would want to see a play that is his thinly veiled life story.

People knew the story even before the play was first performed.

If it was any more obvious, the character Tom would be called Hegbert and be a minister.

It was one of those stories that made its rounds whenever Hegbert had to baptize a baby or attend a funeral.

Baptists don't baptize babies. They believe that only believers should be baptized and be fully immersed in the water.

Landon repeats the fact that everyone knew about Hegbert's story and says it is why people "got emotional" when they saw the play.

They knew it was based on something that happened in real life, which gave it special meaning.

So if a story isn't based on something that happened in real life, then it isn't special? Fuck you, Landon.

Jamie Sullivan was a senior in high school, just like me, and she’d already been chosen to play the angel, not that anyone else even had a chance.

I would be very surprised if Jamie WASN'T in the play.

After all, the play was written by her father and is a thinly veiled story about her dad losing her mom.

And real subtle, Nicholas Sparks.

A saintly girl is going to play an angel. 

Thank God, Jamie isn't named Sunshine Goodness. 

Jamie playing the angel is going to make the play "extra special" and how it is going to be a "big deal" especially for Miss Garber.

Miss Garber is the drama teacher and she was excited "the first time I met her in class."

Landon admits that he really didn't want to take drama class but it was "either that or chemistry II."  

No papers, no tests, no tables where I’d have to memorize protons and neutrons and combine elements in their proper formulas … what could possibly be better for a high school senior?

How about lunch? All you have to do is eat and socialize.

It seemed like a sure thing, and when I signed up for it, I thought I’d just be able to sleep through most every class, which, considering my late night peanut eating, was fairly important at the time.

Why am I getting the feeling that "late night peanut eating" is a euphemism for sex? Because eating peanuts is not a strenuous thing to do...

Landon arrives before the bell rang and sits in the back of the room.

Miss Garber had her back turned to the class, and she was busy writing her name in big cursive letters, as if we didn’t know who she was.

You just said that you met Miss Garber for the first time in class.

Now you are saying that you already knew her.

Which is it, Landon? 

All these contradictions are giving me a headache. 

Everyone knew her—it was impossible not to.

"She was bludgeoned with the ugly stick."

Am I the only one who thinks this comment is catty?

She was big, at least six feet two, with flaming red hair and pale skin that showed her freckles well into her forties.

The word "tall" seems like a better fit. 

Big is used to describe the size of something.

While "tall" refers to the height of something.

I seriously hope that Landon isn't saying that this woman is "ugly". 

She was also overweight—I’d say honestly she pushed two fifty—and she had a fondness for wearing flower patterned muumuus. She had thick, dark, horn-rimmed glasses, and she greeted everyone with, “Helloooooo,” sort of singing the last syllable.

Translation: she's a fat Julia Child who wears glasses.  

From now on, I shall call Miss Garber Julia Child.

Miss Garber was one of a kind, that’s for sure, and she was single, which made it even worse.

Stop! Do not pass go! Do not collect $200!

A guy, no matter how old, couldn’t help but feel sorry for a gal like her.

Because after all, beauty on the outside is the only thing that matters. 

Being a good human being and having a nice personality is overrated. 

Later on, Landon complains that "the pickings were getting pretty slim" and how he doesn't want to be stuck bringing an "ugly" girl to the homecoming dance (i.e.  girls who have thick glasses or have lisps.)

People praise Nicholas Sparks for writing wholesome fiction that has life lessons and good morals. 

But I would rather read a story that has swearing (Ow! My virgin ears!) or graphic sex (gasp!) than a story with shitty messages and it is written by a pretentious writer who believes that they write literary masterpieces. 

Julia Child writes the three goals that she wants to accomplish: self-confidence, self-awareness, and self-fulfillment.

Landon remarks that she was "into the 'self' stuff."

Maybe it had something to do with the way she looked; maybe she was just trying to feel better about herself. But I digress.

It wasn’t until the class started that I noticed something unusual.

"Everyone wore black cloaks and pledged their allegiance to Satan."

Landon is surprised that the class is "at least ninety percent female" because he "knew for a fact" that school is split 50/50 between boys and girls.

There was only one other male in the class, which to my thinking was a good thing, and for a moment I felt flush with a “look out world, here I come” kind of feeling.

The schools in Beaufort NC have excellent math programs...

I don't feel like spending hours trying to look up the average high school class size in North Carolina during the 1950's.

So I'll be using the current average high school class size in North Carolina.

According to this, the average class size for secondary school (high school) in North Carolina is 25.8 students.

Let's say there are twenty-six students in the drama class. 

91% of 26 would be 23.66

Approximately, there would be 23 girls and 3 boys. 

Besides Landon, there would be two other boys in the classroom.

Girls, girls, girls … I couldn’t help but think. Girls and girls and no tests in sight.

It is good to know that Landon is thinking with his head and not with his dick.

Okay, so I wasn’t the most forward-thinking guy on the block.

Anita Blake Logic # 2: If you say something wrong, act like you are feeling guilty.

You DON'T try to be a better person and APOLOGIZE to the person/people that you have hurt. No one EVER calls you out on your shit.

So Julia Child talks about the play and tells everyone that Jamie is going to play the angel.

She starts clapping and it turns out that she is a member of Landon's church.

And there were a lot of people who thought she was gunning for Hegbert in a romantic sort of way. The first time I heard it, I remember thinking that it was a good thing they were too old to have children, if they ever did get together. Imagine—translucent with freckles?

The very thought gave everyone shudders, but of course, no one ever said anything about it, at least within hearing distance of Miss Garber and Hegbert.

So everyone is an asshole and gossips like fishwives?

Gossip is one thing, hurtful gossip is completely another, and even in high school we weren’t that mean.

"Like Duloc, the South is a perfect place!"

I'm sorry but I don't believe that a high school with no cliques and everyone is nice exists. 

Landon is a douchebag and so are his friends. 

Also, how is gossiping about Thank God Hegbert and Julia Child can't reproduce count as not being "mean"?

And the townspeople talk about Hegbert's wife having multiple miscarriages and dying in childbirth...

And for a novel that is so friggin' preachy by constantly talking about God's plan/the Lord's plan and quoting Bible verses...

It doesn't realize that the Good Book doesn't view gossip as a venial sin while "hurtful" gossip is a mortal sin.

The Bible denounces it.

Julia Child keeps on clapping until everyone finally joined in. She orders Jamie to stand up.

Jamie stands up and turns around. Julia Child is clapping even faster to which Landon snidely remarks "as if she were standing in the presence of a bona fide movie star."

Now Jamie Sullivan was a nice girl. She really was.

Translation: It's a pleasant way to say that she isn't attractive.

Landon talks about the town only has one elementary school so everyone has been "in the same classes our entire lives."

He admits to having a "few conversations" with Jamie.

Who I saw in school was one thing; who I saw after school was something completely different, and Jamie had never been on my social calendar.

"She is not worthy to stand before me!"

It’s not that Jamie was unattractive— don’t get me wrong. She wasn’t hideous or anything like that.

"Inner beauty is overrated!"

Landon reluctantly admits that Jamie "wasn't half-bad." But he doesn't consider her to be attractive.

Despite the fact that she was thin, with honey blond hair and soft blue eyes, most of the time she looked sort of … plain, and that was when you noticed her at all.

Because having fair skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes were NEVER considered to be signs of beauty.

And I really hate it when a character is "TV ugly".

Especially when it is combined with this. 

Jamie didn’t care much about outward appearances, because she was always looking for things like “inner beauty,” and I suppose that’s part of the reason she looked the way she did.

I love how inner beauty is put in quotes. As if the concept is absolute horse shit.

For as long as I’d known her—and this was going way back, remember— she’d always worn her hair in a tight bun, almost like a spinster, without a stitch of makeup on her face.

This statement is obnoxious because later on in the story Jamie will be described as beautiful even when she is dying of a terminal illness.

Jamie wears frumpy clothes and everyone thought it was "just a phase".

But it wasn’t just the way Jamie looked that made her different; it was also the way she acted.

"She acted like an Angel of the House: innocent, perfect, and pure."

Jamie never went to slumber parties or had a boyfriend.

Old Hegbert would probably have had a heart attack if she had.

Hegbert would have denounced his daughter as a harlot before killing her.

Jamie carried her Bible wherever she went, and if her looks and Hegbert didn’t keep the boys away, the Bible sure as heck did.

"It couldn't possibly be that her father is a Bible-thumping asshat."

Now, I liked the Bible as much as the next teenage boy,

Translation: not at all.

but Jamie seemed to enjoy it in a way that was completely foreign to me.

"She reads it from cover to cover."

Not only did she go to vacation Bible school every August, but she would read the Bible during lunch break at school.

This is Nicholas Spark's "subtle" way of telling us that Jamie is a good person. Because she reads the Bible.

Landon thinks Jamie is abby normal. How romantic.

No matter how you sliced it, reading Paul’s letters to the Ephesians wasn’t nearly as much fun as flirting, if you know what I mean.

Because flirting is a lot of fun!

If I didn't know any better, I'd say flirting is a code word for sex... 

But one of Nicholas Sparks' writing rules is that his teenage characters never have premarital sex. 

But Jamie didn’t stop there. I knew she volunteered at the orphanage in Morehead City, but for her that simply wasn’t enough.

Let me guess. Jamie is SO good that she is going to help baby animals and solve world hunger.

She was always in charge of one fund-raiser or another, helping everyone from the Boy Scouts to the Indian Princesses, and I know that when she was fourteen, she spent part of her summer painting the outside of an elderly neighbor’s house. Jamie was the kind of girl who would pull weeds in someone’s garden without being asked or stop traffic to help little kids cross the road. She’d save her allowance to buy a new basketball for the orphans, or she’d turn around and drop the money into the church basket on Sunday.

Ho-lee fuck! Where do I even begin?

There is no such thing as a Native American princess.

Nobody is perfect. But according to Nicholas Sparks Landon, Jamie is practically perfect in every way. 

Jamie is NEVER depicted as having any flaws. She is always nice to everyone and always never does anything wrong.

She was, in other words, the kind of girl who made the rest of us look bad, and whenever she glanced my way, I couldn’t help but feel guilty, even though I hadn’t done anything wrong.

You are a douchebag who makes snide comments.

Nor did Jamie limit her good deeds to people. If she ever came across a wounded animal, for instance, she’d try to help it, too. Opossums, squirrels, dogs, cats, frogs … it didn’t matter to her.

We get it, Sparks. Jamie is a paragon of virtue. Stop talking.

With Jamie, everything was in the Lord’s plan. That was another thing. She always mentioned the Lord’s plan whenever you talked to her, no matter what the subject.

I get it, Sparks.

Jamie is a saintly person. 

And Jesus is love, Jesus is life.

Landon tells us that Jamie thinks she is "so blessed to have a father like mine."

He thinks "what planet she actually came from."

Despite all these other strikes, though, the one thing that really drove me crazy about her was the fact that she was always so damn cheerful, no matter what was happening around her.

In real life, a person who is ALWAYS cheerful is depressed.

But this is a Nicholas Sparks novel. 

So Jamie is cheerful like a Disney princess. 

Thank God, Jamie doesn't break into song.

I swear, that girl never said a bad thing about anything or anyone, even to those of us who weren’t that nice to her.

Translation: Jamie is a female version of Jesus Christ.

Landon keeps going on about how nice Jamie is.

All the adults "adored" her and ladies would "come running out of their house" if they see Jamie walking by.

I was thinking about all this while Jamie stood in front of us on the first day of drama class, and I admit that I wasn’t much interested in seeing her.

For a girl that Landon despises, he won't stop talking about her.

But strangely, when Jamie turned to face us, I kind of got a shock, like I was sitting on a loose wire or something.

It is bad enough that Nicholas Sparks is forcing a romance between two characters and will claim that they are soulmates...

Now he has them feeling an instant electric connection.  

What’s next? Will fireworks go off? Will cherubs start to sing?

She wore a plaid skirt with a white blouse under the same brown cardigan sweater I’d seen a million times, but there were two new bumps on her chest that the sweater couldn’t hide that I swore hadn’t been there just three months earlier.

I'll give three guesses and the first two don't count. 

It isn't surprising since a lot of Nicholas Sparks' novels are renowned for having contrived "tragic" endings in which someone (usually the love interest) dies.

She’d never worn makeup and she still didn’t, but she had a tan, probably from Bible school, and for the first time she looked—well, almost pretty.

If "almost pretty" isn't a backhanded compliment, I don't know what is.

Landon quickly "dismissed" the thought.

But as she looked around the room, she stopped and smiled right at me, obviously glad to see that I was in the class.

Smiling is an expression that shows happiness, affection, etc. 

She shouldn't be happy to see him. 

The guy mocks her and avoids her like the plague. 

But Sparks told us that Jamie is made up of sugar, spice, and everything nice.

It wasn’t until later that I would learn the reason why.