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thv-jk97 · 3 months

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Sharing my thoughts about the negative take from that H*BE stylist about LWA because I need to put them somewhere, so forgive me for this post. For context, the stylist said that the MV is using disabilities and those who face discrimination as inspirational material and that they’re “romanticizing disabilities”, and while I can genuinely understand what they were trying to advocate for, their take also completely ignores massive elements of the MV as a whole, whilst also making grand assumptions about the artists (Tae and IU) that they cannot possibly know.

Listen, everyone has the right to interpret any piece of content how they see it and they’re also entitled to feel how they feel and share their opinions, but it becomes problematic when they start making baseless assumptions along with the point they’re trying to make. Claiming that IU and Tae are rich cishets with no disabilities(implying that they are privileged and not discriminated against) is such a WILD assumption to make (let’s not forget that IU does actually have a hearing impairment).

I do think that there should be conversations about who should be able to tell what stories or portray what character, especially in huge projects in mainstream media, but there has to be room for flexibility. Are we going to require people to reveal everything single thing about themselves in order to prove that they can represent a specific demographic fairly? That’s a completely unreasonable expectation, and in some circumstances, it could literally be unsafe. And their assumptions do not contribute to a constructive dialogue about this topic at all.

Not only that, but their critique sort of implies that the MV equates having disabilities to being a victim, but that isn’t what I personally got from the MV. Their characters literally fight until the very end, in their blind and deaf/mute states, and are never actually shown as weak. And it’s just another assumption that the “love filter” takes away their disabilities, when in reality, IU still uses sign language even when Tae is looking at her through the camcorder – what is shown is a world where they don’t have their injuries anymore (injuries that were sustained in this dystopian world) and their lives are more than just fear and running. The concept of “love wins all” is that they made it to the very end of the world together and are ultimately taken out by the shittiness of this world that they’re living in – not by their disabilities.

The stylist also goes on to imply that the ambiguity of the MV is an issue because they end up wearing traditional hetero outfits (since when is sexuality linked to pieces of clothing?), and if it were meant to mean something to the queer community, they wouldn’t have included that. Which makes no sense because that’s the beauty of art – it’s meant to be interpreted however the viewer sees it, and so many people in the queer community did actually take comfort in the symbolism they interpreted from the MV.

To be honest, I can’t help but question the motive of their rant, because from where I’m standing, this person works for a billion dollar company that literally capitalizes on using the queer community for good sales (fanservice, etc)(mind you, this is only one of H*BE’s many offenses) so their issues with this metaphorical MV seem to be a bit selective (aka taking issue with things that don’t affect their livelihood). Also gonna add that they literally have posts supporting Zionists (who raised money specifically for the IDF), so it really seems like selective activism atp.

Tae and IU have both consistently shown that they are massive advocates of inclusivity and equality, so to be accused of exploiting minorities and their struggles is actually so upsetting. People can label it whatever they want, but IU’s decision to change the title of the song was not about “saving face”, it was showing empathy for a minority when she learned that they were bothered by the original title. And for this person to insinuate that Tae and IU are tone deaf and clueless to the strife of those who have been discriminated against is just plain disrespectful and such a projection based on their own personal interpretation and assumptions.

Anyway, sorry for this long-winded post. There’s never a day of peace and I am siiiiick of it.

#rambling thoughts #love wins all #mv discourse

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itsclydebitches · 2 years

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Angsty fic idea that I might write myself someday, but is also totally free if someone wants to snag it.

(WARNING for mentions of self-harm.)

I’ve read a bunch of “Izzy the Spewer” fics where Izzy gets sick for whatever reason—rough seas, migraines, the terrifying ordeal of being known—and Stede swoops in with some good old-fashioned TLC that makes Izzy’s angry little brain short-circuit. Fantastically done, keep it up. HOWEVER, I have yet to come across a fic that really plays with the thought I have every time I read that scenario. Namely: “Izzy is learning to correlate kindness with illness, right?”

Right?

Izzy hails from Black Sails land where kindness is in short supply and desiring it—or worse, needing it—is basically a social death sentence. Or a literal one. So, after Stede offers some of that rare, quality grade H/C, Izzy is primed to explain half of that with, “Bonnet is a fucking bonkers man who doesn’t know how to pirate properly” and the other half with, “When someone as crazy as Bonnet does comfort you it’s only because you’re pathetic enough to warrant it. He’d never just do that on the regular, because who the hell would? The only time you get kindness is when you find a magical unicorn man who doesn’t know better and the only time he’d give it, especially to someone like me, is when you’re basically at death’s door.”

Izzy comes to the simple but highly problematic conclusion that Being Gravely Ill = Receiving Comfort He Can’t Get Anywhere Else.

Soooo… why not just be sick more often ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Which is far from ideal, obviously, but not for reasons Izzy is equipped to understand yet. The only thing he’s grappling with is the indignity of being sick in the first place, but significantly that ship has already sailed. Fang already told the whole crew about his nickname, Lucius made it a staple insult, and they all watched him losing his lunch over the side while Stede kept him from going overboard. There’s no coming back from that. But asking for more of that attention? He’s gonna—what? Just fucking walk up to Stede and request that he rub his back, or stroke his hair, or—heaven forbid—hug him? Absolutely-fucking-not. Izzy would rather die. Even if he DID make an attempt the words would literally not come out of his mouth. Being sick is the lesser of the two evils and since he’s already a weak, pathetic, needy excuse for a First Mate, might as well do whatever is necessary to deal with those failings.

Izzy might have the emotional intelligence of a rock, but he’s a damn good planner and can keep things subtle when it matters. At first no one notices that he only gives into the urge to heave when Stede is on deck and can see him do it. Everyone knows that Izzy eats dinner alone, long after the others have finished, but not that he’s restricting himself to the portions that have started going bad, resulting in many late-night bouts of suffering. He stops the breathing exercises he developed years ago to keep his nausea under control, stops self-medicating whenever a storm is on the horizon, even starts putting himself in situations that he knows will make his stomach churn, all with the intent of crafting a situation where, oh no, his stubborn Captain is insisting he’s taken care of? Well, who’s he to disobey an order?

And it works! Until it doesn’t, of course. Because I’m a fan of the crew continuing to develop their found family, they’ve been approaching the “Spewer” business as a kind of heavy-handed teasing. They know it’s not nice, but Izzy is such an asshole, and besides, they kinda thought it was a past thing? Not something he’s still struggling with and certainly not to this extent—like teasing your brother for falling down the stairs that one time except, huh, he’s falling down the stairs weekly now. That’s not funny anymore.

Their concern merges with Ed’s because really, he’s been sailing with Izzy for most of his life and it’s never been this bad. If anything, he should be doing better on The Revenge where there’s always fresh food and blue skies appear with an almost supernatural frequency. Stede too has started to grow suspicious, especially after that one time where Izzy didn’t really seem sick anymore, but kept claiming he was (because the idiot was so close—SO CLOSE—to just asking for comfort without this whole charade, but of course he didn’t).

It all comes to a head when Stede and Ed confront Izzy about it… which goes about as well as you would expect. Izzy goes into the meeting terrified that Ed noticed him playing this game with his boyfriend and is probably going to anchor him for it. Ed thinks it’s great that Stede and Izzy are bonding—the fact that he’s finally acknowledging his own crush on Izzy doesn’t help, given how overprotective he’s feeling— but otherwise he’s just confused? Especially since he’s such a tactile person and threw himself headfirst into touching Stede the second he realized that was allowed. Stede has the best handle on what’s really going on, but doesn’t know how acknowledge all that without making things worse. So he just, uh, makes things worse? Realizing that Izzy has the self-preservation instincts of a teaspoon, they try to go the “Making yourself sick means you’re not in a position to act as a functional First Mate” route because Izzy is all about being useful right? Except great, now he’s feeling guilty about how sick he can get, guilty about using that to get something he thinks he shouldn’t have, AND guilty about how that’s making him a liability. He and Ed get into a huge fight about it. Stede dithers. Punches are probably thrown.

They think things have cooled down a few days later, except then Izzy gets legitimately sick—no fuckery involved—and Ed just… doesn’t believe him? He’s suspicious now, understandably. Not because he thinks Izzy is always lying about when he’s ill, or always sets out to make it worse, and he certainly doesn’t have a problem with him getting comfort from Stede—or him!—for any reason, but he’s terrified that Izzy is still hurting himself and that shit needs to stop. But being accused of that when he’s actually ill is the fucking tipping point and Izzy… crumbles. Just fucking looses it. No more filters, or barriers, or excuses. The man’s a sobbing, exhausted mess and this is it, they’ll both be disgusted by him now.

They’re not, of course. This time Ed and Stede comfort Izzy together and, more importantly, insist that he stays with them even after he’s calmed down/is feeling better. Lots of talking it out where they insist that yes, he can have this. No, he doesn’t need to be ill enough to “deserve” it. Izzy, there’s two of us and we’re both overflowing with affection 24/7, we guarantee it’s not an imposition to ask for things. But he can’t. He just literally can’t. There’s no version of Izzy (yet) that can ask for comfort when he needs it, or simply take it with the understanding that it’s always freely offered. So they devise some strategies to help Izzy ask without feeling like he’s asking; simple actions that will cue them into his mood without anyone else being wiser. The most successful is having a designated spot in the Captains’ cabin that is his and his alone. For a long time, Izzy will only accept their attentions in complete privacy anyway, so sitting on this particular part of the couch always means… well, the whole point is that Izzy doesn’t have to say what it means. He’ll get there, but right now he just has to sit down—that’s it, just sit, even he can fucking sit—and his Captains understand precisely what he needs.

And with their relationship and Izzy’s coping skills developing, everyone lives happily ever after ^_^

(Bonus cathartic comedy moment: Someone unknowingly sits in Izzy’s spot and he reacts precisely like a pissed-off cat would. Glaring from across the room, coiled tight as a spring, hand ominously on the pommel of his sword. This means nothing to me, don’t fucking think otherwise, but you WILL move and you will move NOW.)

#OFMD #Our Flag Means Death #Izzy Hands #GentleHands #SteddyHands

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mbti-notes · 4 months

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Anon wrote: Hi, I’m INFJ. I need to ask: 1) what I should improve myself to feel less put off at Ts in general, to lessen the T & F difference 2) Tips on communication w Ts, especially INTJ.

Ik you said ppl’s strength underlie their weakness & vice versa, so they have a set of advantages to offer. As much as I’d like to dismiss it, I suck at Ti (I’m improving by learning critical thinking). I need to view Ts less judgmentally.

I had personal motivations for handling immaturity, but that wasn’t the only drive. The other (great) one is my feelings for my childhood INTJ friend, who I’m having a crush on & is asking me out. I’ve had feelings for him since childhood.

I used to think we couldn’t go out because of my immaturity. I suck at handling personality setbacks/criticisms/etc. (all date back to bad Fe & Ti lol). Later, I became more honest w my feelings, better at expressing genuinely, finally more logical than before (some positive changes for my own sake). But I still feel unable to bridge the gap w the Ts (esp TJs).

I hate this state, it robs me off chance for a greater relationship w the guy I’ve loved for years. I’m better than before, but I still fear this won't work. Our friendship is great, time passed but we still share many central values like how close we are to our family, definition of independence, pet peeves, political spectrum. I used to suck at not making a disagreement a heated argument, but with time, I got better at It. We had found the way to disagree while still being able to fully understand the others’ POV. I got more grounded thanks to him, too. But our growth was platonic.

Communication challenges are still considerable. I never used to tell him my feelings and I’ve never been in relationships before. But he’s already been in a few. I’m into this possible change as much as I’m willing to stay the same, because I’m so scared whether being his girlfriend will actually be a good choice. Help :(

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You say you get the idea of everyone having strengths/weaknesses but it doesn't sound like you really do. On the surface, it's not a bad thing to want to improve upon your weaknesses, but your approach to it is problematic. You still haven't understood that the first step must be to accept and embrace weaknesses, because proper self-improvement has to come from a place of love - not hate.

You are standing in front of someone who knows your strengths and weaknesses and still loves you and wants to start a life together. Yet you cannot accept being loved by him. Why? Because you haven't yet learned to love yourself, so you can't imagine that others can, either.

It sounds to me like it is lovingkindness you need to work on. Critical thinking isn't going to help you accept and embrace all of yourself, is it? When you finally learn how to approach yourself, your life, and others with an attitude of love, the relationship problems you've described have no reason to arise.

For example: If you can accept your insecurities, own them and talk about them openly and still love yourself, who can trigger them? If you can accept and love him both for his strengths and weaknesses, why would they cause you any conflict? And when conflicts arise as they inevitably do in intimate relationships, if you approach them with a reconciliatory attitude, why wouldn't they get resolved?

At the heart of your question is not personality but your self-worth and self-esteem. Until you address those issues, your attempts at function development are at high risk of getting twisted up. Ni+Fe should allow you to envision beautiful potential for love, but you are using them to invent more ways to hate and punish yourself.

Relationships aren't about being perfect and being able to handle everything perfectly. If that's what you're unconsciously aiming for, then you're imposing a very unreasonable burden on yourself. Failing to achieve false images of perfection only exacerbates self-hatred in a vicious cycle.

#infj #auxiliary fe #ti loop #self esteem #self worth #love #perfectionism #ask

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danggirlronpa · 4 months

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Oh, are we talking about trans headcanons??? I see someone already mentioned transfem Kazuichi, which I'm a pretty big fan of! But have you guys considered transfem Fuyuhiko? I think there's a lot of potential in that - in the fact that even in canon there's a lot of him not feeling like he really fits as the Ultimate Yakuza, and that he has to play a role to be so... I think it lends well to a transfem headcanon. Another I could see would be transfem Mondo, with how much in canon he plays up the masculinity, it could be something preformative in a transfem headcanon. I'm also a fan of transfem Kokichi & Shuichi, too - I've seen people headcanon the both of them as nonbinary, transfem, AND transmasc, and honestly? Love that for them, tbh.

I also am a big fan of transfem Makoto!!! I usually headcanon him as genderfluid, but I could also see him be a trans demigirl, tbh. I respect transmasc headcanons too even if I don't usually ascribe to them for Makoto specifically! I kind of like to think that the fact that Makoto's door gets stuck is a very funny quirk of fate in the event of him being genderfluid/nonbinary - even his door, which is supposed to be a men's one, doesn't ascribe to a binary! & Makoto using she/they/he pronouns is so real to me.

I also love to see Kiibo exploring pronouns in fics. Like, in canon they use he/him (at least in the localization) but I like to believe they experiment with different ones for a while, just to see if they like them.

I also tend to see Hajime as nonbinary, using he/they pronouns too! That's not exactly a transfem headcanon, but yeah.

I also love the idea of nonbinary kaede as well - using she/they pronouns. Maybe in the event of transfem Shuichi or Kokichi, she helps them explore their gender at first.

I could also see Tsumugi as being genderfluid or otherwise genderqueer in some way - she defaults to she/her but she doesn't mind other pronouns, and oftentimes go with he/him when complying a male character.

This one's more controversial, but I also love the idea of nonbinary Junko with possible internalized transphobia. Like, I think the fact that she keeps making alter egos that are male (Monokuma, Shirokuma, and Kurokuma) lends well to this, but I also keep going back to that line monokuma said about being neither male nor female because there's no gender in the animal kingdom. Incredibly nonbinary thing to say. Of course, I think how Junko handles being nonbinary is somewhat dependent on what you headcanon Chihiro as - but if you headcanon Chihiro as a transwoman and Junko as transphobic towards her, it could somewhat be from internalized transphobia- like, her having the idea that "if I'm fine with being a woman even though I feel like this about it, you should be fine with your assigned sex too!" Or even the idea that she cannot fathom why someone would WANT to be a woman in the first place - like, what reason would you have to subject yourself to it if not malicious ones or weakness? Since she is so disconnected or even discontent from "womanhood". If you see Chihiro as nonbinary, Junko not understanding or even being bitter that they get to reject the binary but she doesn't could also make sense, and her putting them in the "male" box would almost be from jealousy and spite. If you headcanon Chihiro as a transmale, it becomes a) somewhat hilarious that Junko, the big bad of the series, accepts their gender and b) Chihiro could be the person who teaches her about this stuff in a pre-despair setting, and maybe even make her realize she's nonbinary. I know it's.... slightly problematic to headcanon the main villain of the series who has shown she is possibly transphobic (depending on how you see Chihiro again) as trans, but I think it's... fine if you also headcanon other characters as so and not just the villains. Plus, I'm nonbinary myself, so I think it's allowed.

Those are the ones I can remember off the top of my head! I love trans headcanons <3

There's so much good stuff here!! I can't address all of it, but a couple of my favorites:

I LOOOVE transfem Mondo, it's one of my absolute favorite transfem headcanons. The way it changes that trial from "horrifying trans panic" to "the tragedy of someone with extensive internalized transphobia meeting someone who is further along on their journey and lashing out in unrealized jealousy, ultimately destroying the version of themself they wish to be"...MWAH. The type of tragedy that can only belong to someone transitioning. The consequences of self loathing, both in harming others and harming ourselves, made manifest! But with GENDER.

I'm sure this is just part of the rest of that line, but the phrase "they canonically use he/him pronouns" is so funny. Power to K1-B0 for being incomprehensible wrt gender just in general. Love that agender kid

I am actually a big fan of transmasc Junko! (And I'll use he/him for Junko real fast to emphasize this point) I think the idea of Junko as someone who experiences a huge amount of dysphoria when he's perceived as feminine, who then goes out of his way to present himself as a champion of gyaru culture and hyper-femininity, making it so that, even if he one day receives the mental health treatment he obviously needs, he will always be associated with this incredibly female-oriented culture...that's despair. That's the type of shit you do at rock bottom. I have BEEN there my man. EDIT:

we are on the EXACT SAME PAGE anon 🤝

I actually did, genuinely, think Shuichi was a butch girl until I played the game, and was SO excited to finally see rep of my actual high school self. Wearing hats to cover dysphoria-inducing hairstyle? Emo makeup to escape the Social Makeup Norms? hangs out with kaede??? that's one of us right there

#asks #anon #talk to the mod #long post #transfem shuichi #transfem fuyuhiko #transfem makoto

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spinariosthorn · 2 years

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Asagiri Gen's Hidden Talents

Can we just talk about how stunning Gen is? How many unique abilities and skills does he possess? And why is no one paying attention to it even though it's so absolutely amazing?

1)Let's start with the fact that he was able to track down Senku at first. Have you ever wondered how he did it so quickly and accurately? Alone? In the jungle? In an unfamiliar area?

We don't know the exact distances, but in chapter 90 we were shown that Tsukasa’s Empire is somewhere near Tokyo, and the Kingdom of Science is south of Mount Fuji (possibly near the cities of Ito or Izu). The distance is about 90-130 kilometers.

Before Senku noticed Kohaku’s smoke signals, he had not seen people in the area for almost a year. The inhabitants of Ishigami village are quite reserved and it is very problematic to find their traces. But Gen, who knows only an approximate description and general direction, managed to find the way without a guide, without professional tools and with very few traces in like ten days.

Gen managed to pave a path that was sufficiently effective and understandable so that even being seriously injured, he could find a way back to Tsukasa’ Empire.

It requires huge skills. I mean, travelers were found like several kilometers away from their routes, and they wandered for weeks without being able to find the way.

Just in general, the fact that he ran so fast severely injured and literally dying really deserves attention.

2)Then, his clothes. He does not carry any bags and supplies, although when we get to know him, we learn that he has a lot of things up his sleeves. He needs all these layers of clothing to keep all his materials. Not only for his blood bags, but also food, water and something that will help him find a way. All of his clothes probably weigh a lot more than they seem to weight.

Interesting to find out what is included in the standard equipment of a mentalist.

3)We also know that Gen must have an extensive stock of knowledge about nature. Senku survived because he had scientific knowledge about plants and geography. Tsukasa let Gen go alone, knowing that in floriography and orientation on the terrain, Gen has no less knowledge.

Plus, Gen was able to make wine and bags of durable material alone, which once again testifies to his knowledge in the scientific field. One more reason he and Senku tuned in to the same wave so quickly.

4)And he is also much stronger and a lot more athletic than he proclaims himself to be. Most likely, he is lying about his weakness in order to avoid unnecessary energy waste. Anyways, his words are definitely not to be believed. If he constantly repeats that he is "the most superficial man in the world", while being a boy with a heart of gold, then nothing prevents him from repeating about his weakness, although in fact he is still strong.

For example, he stops with his BARE HANDS an axe strike of terribly strong Magma.

Then Stanley confirms that Gen's hands are strong.

And I repeat he is able to run a huge amount of kilometers a day and is still able to work like some kind of superhuman.

We should also not forget about his past as a magician. To do a high-quality show, Gen had to be very flexible and athletic. For example, here we are shown that he just easily avoided the trick with the sword. This once again confirms that he is agile.

Isn’t it amazing how he easily climbed onto the bridge pole, and then onto the roof? Plus no one notices that he is doing this, and he has no problems with balancing. It's not easy to get on the roof of this house at all, but it takes like couple of seconds for Gen.

This clearly indicates that Gen has a huge acrobatic training and an incredibly developed sense of balance. (I want his backstory so much!!)

5)And of course he is incredibly capable diplomat and mentalist.

He has done so many things for the kingdom of science, this is truly awesome.

So, to sum things up, Gen is not only an amazing mentalist and psychologist, he is also a traveler, a guide, a driver and an acrobat with amazing endurance and tracking abilities.

Stunning.

#i love him dearly #gen #asagiri gen #gen asagiri #dr. stone #dr stone manga #dr stone anime #dr stone #doctor stone #the kingdom of science #senku #senku ishigami

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haveyouseenthisskeleton · 8 months

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For all my horror boys

They get to the surface and are scooped up by farmers looking for extra hands but some how also become the most eligible bachelors of the farming community man and woman want the horror boys

Horrortale Sans - Uh... That's quite a lot of pumpkins. He's glad people know he likes pumpkins, but maybe 30 people running the all town just to give him a pumpkin every day is a little too much. I mean, what is he going to do with so much pumpkin anyway? Willow is losing his mind every time he brings another one, begging him to solve this problem. Easier said than done you know. He likes all the attention and he kinda forgets every time to say no to the pumpkins so...

Horrortale Papyrus - He is a bit overwhelmed by all the attention. He won't deny it feels very nice, and that he is flattered, but... Uh... He feels like a chicken on the market people are fighting for. He doesn't like that people are fighting for his attention, that's ridiculous. He needs alone time too and won't hesitate to snap once in a while to make sure people leave him alone. He's not ready to get into a relationship yet and he hopes they will understand.

Horrorswap Sans - He's a natural flirter so that sort of thing had to happen eventually, right? Now Nugget is quite overwhelmed. He loves people who have an interest in him, but that's quite a lot of people, even for him. He jokes a bit about being some Casanova, but he's not very comfortable with all these people very obviously trying to flirt with him. He's so stressed all the time as he tries to spend as much time with everyone as possible, but people get jealous sometimes and this is just too complicated.

Horrorswap Papyrus - He's very uncomfortable with this and since he can't really talk to set boundaries, he often feels overwhelmed when people he doesn't know that much hug him without a warning or drag him to do things he doesn't want to know. His brother always says he needs more socialization anyway, but he's still healing from years of loneliness and torture, and he's not ready yet. He doesn't search for a relationship now, and even if he does, he prefers going slow than watching people fight to spend like 10 minutes with him. When he's too tired, he teleports home to feel safer.

Horrorfell Sans - He loves chaos and will gladly play everyone's little game of flirting to see how much people are ready to fight for him. He's having fun looking at them getting jealous of each other and trying to find impossible objects he asks them to fetch for him. This is all a game, but a dangerous game that can turn against him at some point though. He likes to live dangerously.

Horrorfell Papyrus - He's like a big cat. Sometimes he's craving for all the attention, sometimes he snaps at everyone because he doesn't feel like it. Every gift is making him blush terribly and people are finding more and more things he likes, which is problematic because he is realizing he has a lot more weaknesses than he thought. People keep trying to gain his love by showing him their cats too, and that's terribly effective as he's spending entire afternoons playing with the kitties. He didn't expect this to happen on the Surface, but that could have been definitely worse so he's not complaining.

#horrortale #horrorswap #horrorfell #sans #papyrus #undertale ask blog #undertale asks #undertale imagines #undertale headcanons

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ranchthoughts · 9 months

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Thai QL Favorites Tag Game

Tagged by @telomeke, @chickenstrangers, and @wen-kexing-apologist (thanks!! <3)

Credit also: this game was created by @thatgirl4815 as Thai BL Favorites Tag Game.

Once again, I am forced to make decisions (!!) about media... this is so hard.

Favourite Thai QL:

Bad Buddy was made for me in a lab I think, the way it checks all my boxes. I also have a deep enduring love for MSP.

Favourite Pairing:

(Like many others, interpreting this as favourite pair of fictional characters) Pat and Pran's dynamic is everything to me. The teasing, the understanding, the care, the commitment to the bit...

Most Underrated Actor:

I do not feel qualified to discuss the quality of acting, nor whether or not people are underrated... but I will throw my hat in the ring for Fluke Pusit (he does what he needs to do! Would be interesting to see him anchor a series like Gawin has gotten to with Be My Favourite)... and pretty much every woman ever in a BL.

Favourite Character:

Oof oof oof. So many are near and dear to my heart. The ones who occupy the most brain space are Pat (Bad Buddy), Gun (MSP), and Li Ming (Moonlight Chicken).

Favourite Side Character:

Sending love to Li Ming (technically a side character?). Ink from Bad Buddy; love her, love her relationshisp with the other characters. I also was unreasonably delighted by Sky (as someone who didn't vibe with most of the rest of SCOY).

Favourite Scene:

Completing this tag game is teaching me I need to keep detailed lists of everything, because I forget.

Bad Buddy ep 5 fight scene and rooftop confession scene, of course. Thanks to @chickenstrangers for reminding me about my beloved, the ep 11 Chinzhilla fight scene in MSP (the emotions were perfect, everyone was acting their hearts out, I've rewatched this sequence in isolation multiple times).

Ooh also @kattahj reminded me of how much I love the scenes with Li Ming and Jim in Moonlight Chicken - the rage, the love, the passing of the torch...

And @lurkingshan reminded me of the sniffing scene in ITSAY... god the atmosphere and ambience and TENSION was out of this world. The scene of Teh and Ohaew airing out their feelings in the hammock is another amazing scene.

Shout out also to any and all scenes involving Vee and Dome in You're My Sky, especially the hands scene and the looking across the river scene. Love that they just kept starring in short queer films.

Favourite Line:

I'm not the type of person who notes specific lines of dialogue (and if I do, I rarely remember them for things like this).

The ones that stick with me thus are those that get repeated a lot by others - Pat and Pran's "Do you want to be friends?" "No" and "You've got to stop doing this to me" are powerful and so revealing about the characters and their dynamic. Shout out also to @wen-kexing-apologist 's list of lines about being weak around each other, those are always sweet.

Most Anticipated:

Only Friends. Mixing pairs? 👀 Sluts? 👀 First and Khaotung AND Neo AND Mark AND Force and Book? 👀

Healthiest Relationship:

Pat and Pran - their balance between bits and genuine care is wonderful

Tinn and Gun - sweethearts fumbling their way into their first relationship, with a maturity beyond their years

Most Toxic Relationship:

I mean, there's a lot of relationships in QLs that I don't think would work all that well in real life, but I do tend to suspend my disbelief while watching the shows and thus can't think of many examples now.

I mean, VegasPete is not what one would consider "healthy" and neither are TharnType... not a huge fan of the convoluted lies or inequalities the relationships of AkkTheo (Enchanté) or PuenTalay (Vice Versa) are born from... ?

Guilty Pleasure:

I like taking pieces I like out of every show I watch, regardless of quality or how "problematic" it is, so I don't really feel guilty about any of them? Shows that are controversial or oft-disliked by others that I latched on to in some way: Enchanté, Vice Versa, The Shipper (wait, is that QL?)

Most Underrated:

I mean, everyone has said it but: He's Coming to Me

I'm also going to throw my hat in the ring for You're My Sky - people are talking about this on the dash now and I'm very happy

I think pretty much everyone has done this game at this point, but if you haven't, here is your open invitation to do so! Love to see what people think

#ranch reviews #tag game #thai ql tag game

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ntls-24722 · 8 months

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something i realized about comet:

his current form is less like a bird, or a spider, but more similar to an extremely fucked up crocodilian

like, one key part in his initial development from pigeon to Giant Spider Thing is that he noticably kind of de-evolves? There's many stages i left out in this very simplified chart, not to mention that these are all headshots and don't show everything below, which is a lot to leave out

Like, his beak grows teeth and his wings grow claws again, and his beak retracts and he was, at one point, the Oort Cloud's pet dromaeosaurid for awhile. But he kind of begins to de-evolve to the point BEFORE the dinosaurs and back into an archosaur, where he is more reptilian, his feathers have retreated into scutes and calcified into osteoderms and on a smaller note, this is also where his very wide-armed stance comes from.

Also, there are hints of actual croc in his design, just not very outwardly.

While Comet's bite using his Music Man garage-door front teeth is ultra weak balls, his actual bite using his whole jaw is very much NOT - I made a muscle diagram for him a while back, very old and outdated, i don't like it, but nonetheless. Making his jaw was kind of problematic since there's already not a lot of muscle references that I can understand very well for insects, and to my knowledge there's not very much insects or any invertebrate that has a jaw that opens like ours, so I opted for something similar to what crocs have going on: instead of a saggital crest the jaw muscles attach.... on that cheek bit.

I looked back on that muscle diagram and realized because it shows a literal, like, cross section of Comet, it showed literally nothing, but I think this shows it better.

it's really ought to be more pronounced and bulky than it is but, nonetheless. gator jaw

also i would like to note that comet was not literally de-evolving, it is specifically shapeshifting but "shapeshifting" is a little different for Comet because it's less magical and an actual, like, slow development of his body parts that can take a week or more, and he was not directly de-evolving as during this time his legs were slowly becoming nothing and 6 of his floating ribs were detaching and becoming a shoulderblade, then into extra arms, but. still. Comet's transformation is complicated in particular since we're going from a pigeon to THAT THING so the oort cloud was trying to accomplish that by turning back the clock a little.

also, fun facts about comet's body:

that weird plate between his eye sockets is actually slightly loose and it's actually there to easily expose the frontal lobe for the brain surgery.

Also, on top of the 10 pairs eyelids for his extra eyes, he has a giant, extra, blue-ish pair that he uses to emote with the helmet on - the helmet's tinted glass "eyes" has slits around the edges so those eyelids can go through.

This wasn't a stylization like his eyebrows and lips moving, and they don't disappear when the helmet's off.

helmetless comet is very inexpressive, but by god, can he judgementally squint at you.

#ntls-24722 #comet

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hopper-wheeler · 2 years

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every season el goes on a journey of self discovery away from mike and learns new important things about herself and the world and then she comes back to mike and they still love each other so much and every season people say “el needs to be her own person and go on a journey of self discovery away from mike to learn new important things about herself and the world!!!!!” like y’all it’s been four seasons of her doing exactly that. and mike and el just always love each other even more afterwards and have an even deeper connection each time. when will these people realize it’s okay to just not like a ship you don’t have to make up faux-feminist reasons to act like it’s morally wrong or whatever. you can just. dislike it lol

“I hate mileven bc I care about el! all she cares about is mike!! she’s solely dependent on him!!!” woah wild how they missed so many of el’s plot lines and character arcs while they were so busy “caring” about her

(sorry for dumping this in your inbox lol I just wanted to get it out there to someone who probably gets it, I hope you have a good day!)

don't be sorry, it's totally okay to vent here! and i do get your frustration all too well.

one of the things that bugs me the most about the hate mileven gets, aside from it being wholy underserved imo, is the way people keep trying to find reasons why it's problematic or badly written to justify their dislike. it's okay to just not vibe with a character/relationship. that's fine. it's actually a lot more respectable than whatever this is.

but people would really rather be annoying and waste their time on something they don't even like just to try and come out on top. as if instead of not shipping a couple of 15-year-olds they're actually standing up for women everywhere or something.

which is really funny when the woke takes these people tend to come up with are actually some of the most misogynistic, ableist takes i've ever seen.

"el needs to be her own person."

so women can't be in a relationship and be in love with someone and still be their own person.

"she's too dependent on mike, she needs him too much."

so women wanting support from the people they love makes them dependent and therefore weak.

"el doesn't even have any real world experience. she can't even talk properly and doesn't even know what clothes she likes. she shouldn't be in a romantic relationship. and it's weird that mike likes her. seems predatory idk."

so anyone who's been through terrible abuse and struggles because of that, has a difficulty with speech and understanding social cues, and/or is still developing a sense of identity shouldn't be allowed to make their own decisions or be in a loving relationship. and it's weird for someone else to take a romantic interest in them unless they're taking advantage in some way because no way would anyone just... love them for who they are.

great. that's actually very gross of you.

and don't even get me started on the canon erasure. it's like 90% of people didn't even watch this show. i'm tired of people claiming mileven needs to be given breathing room when they're the only couple to have been separated in some way every season. you can say whatever you want about st, but one thing the show has done since day 1 is give el, the character, plenty of agency. el is not stuck in hawkins. she's not stuck with mike. she chose that. she chose her family and we saw her do that, every step of the way.

so yeah anyone who says "i love el but mileven..." is full of shit. if you actually loved el you'd respect her choices and want her to have the people she loves by her side, supporting her.

#asks #anonymous #mileven #mike x eleven #ableism tw #anyway i hope you have a good day too 💙#text

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sneezemonster15 · 1 year

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Hello, sorry but I just wanted to rant about some things.

Regarding the Hetsuden, I just saw a SNS shipper on Twitter saying that they can’t “defend” Sasuke anymore and that he’s “over”. Other SNS shippers also said that he’s ugly. Why do they need to “defend” Sasuke when the said Sasuke they’re talking about is not even canon. He’s a fanon character from a SS shipper’s fanfic. Like yeah Sakura Hetsuden sucks but it’s annoying to see some SNS stans taking their frustration and hating on Sasuke himself. Like for me I just rather say that’s not Sasuke in the first place(because he isn’t) and will try to stay away from that SS shipper’s fanon version.

I also remembered that up until even before Hetsuden came out, I’ve seen multiple SNS stans hating on Sasuke. Have you seen these types of behaviors too from SNS stans or is it just me?

Hehehe. You know, I saw some tiktoks that were recced to my Insta account and it was hilarious. A lot of fans think Sasuke's character has gone downhill from Shippuden and that he has been totally nerfed and to underline it, they were making comparisons between Shippuden and Retsuden. 🤦

Like that scene where Sasuke struggles to fight the 'dinosaur' (a dinosaur, 😒) was compared with the scene where he fought the hachibi in Shippuden.

But like most casual fans, some underinformed SNS as well, don't categorically know what canon or novel or filler is. Most fans are anime only, so they aren't well versed with the categorizations and differences. All they are concerned with is how Sasuke is shown in anime, and all of it is subject to their judgment of Sasuke's character. You can certainly enlighten them and tell them the difference.

Man like doesn't Retsuden Sasuke have TWO hands? 😑

Most fans don't really pay attention to the details. Or even some of the more overt stuff.

Yeah plenty of SNS hate Sasuke. Some others have a very problematic and skewed understanding of his character. Like no seriously, some SNS maintain that he didn't suffer from trauma or PTSD. Because that would make him weak and he isn't weak. Smh. When the whole manga has consistently and necessarily featured major themes of war and resultant trauma and PTSD where several characters have suffered from it. It's the basis of the isolation and discrimination suffered by many important characters and their arc which contributes majorly to the plot. Like honestly, some fans unfortunately have a very limited and shallow understanding of how trauma and PTSD work. What's problematic is that they spread misinformation about these very significant issues regarding mental health. This needs to be addressed. Some SNS blame Sasuke for when he betrayed Naruto and abandoned Konoha. They only think from Naruto's pov but dismiss Sasuke's own very properly and detailed established pov.

Selective reading. Ignorance.

Lots of SNS don't see or stubbornly stick to their only partially examined theories for a complex character such as Sasuke and most of it is in response to Sasuke stans. Both Naruto stans and Sasuke stans can be silly. It's always this juvenile tussle - Who's better? Sasuke or Naruto? Who did the bad stuff and who did the virtuous stuff and where do they stand on the goodness scale.

These SNS judge them on the basis of easy binaries and keep an embarrassingly simplistic point system to attribute 'virtues and vices' to Sasuke and Naruto's characters and talk morality in just loose, underexamined terms without truly understanding the context. Every one suddenly and righteously becomes a philosopher, psychologist and ethicist in this fandom. Lol.

It's all very silly. It's important to ground these characters in their lived reality and established characterisation and then judge them while being cognizant of their worldbuilding and existing narratives of visible themes and concepts in the manga such as idea of a nation, war, loyalty to the nation, justice, individual vs collective, revenge, systemic oppression, systemic marginalization of a community, systemic bigotry and neglect, corruption, left inclined ideologies, existentialism etc.

If Kishi has featured these themes so visibly and stressfully in the manga, it would be remiss of fans if they simply ignored it by saying ignorant things like - it's just shounen, it's only meant for kids, Kishi isn't that smart, there's no deeper meaning, it's only entertainment, etc etc.

If you don't know about these themes, you wouldn't be able to recognise them. But those who do and have seen them in other works or media, even lots of Japanese media Kishi is influenced by, will identify them. Just a matter of experience, perception and information. Fans will differ in their capacities to identify these themes. If one is truly curious and reasonable, they will imbibe it without personal bias. Those who prefer to live in their echo chambers won't. You can't help those who don't want to be helped.

Yes I know some SNS who are either Sasuke haters and those who are Naruto haters. Both silly. But I don't really interact with them. They are quite visibly biased.

#ask #sns #hetsuden #naruto #sasuke #uchiha sasuke

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jedzeb · 8 months

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Why "Dance the Night" by Dua Lipa is the perfect song for The Barbie Movie

Dua Lipa's "Dance the Night" is the ideal piece for 2023's highest grossing movie: Barbie. Being a mezzo-soprano with upbeat and high energy songs, Dua Lipa is a pleasure to listen to. Moreover, she has a voice that is on the side of being sultry or dark. This attractive voice and the "hot girl pop" style of her songs is what has made her so popular.

youtube

In terms of The Barbie Movie (for the sake of clarification, I will refer to the movie this way, and the character as just Barbie), Dua Lipa as a musical artist portrays the character "Barbie" to near perfection. But first, a little about The Barbie Movie must be known to understand this. The run-down of The Barbie Movie can be simplified into two parts. The first part is that our society is run by men, creating what many agree to be an unfair environment for women. In today's culture, women are empowered in various ways. One of these ways is with independence from a man. This is precisely what Barbie Land is about; a society where women are the ones on top, with men existing only for the sake of women. Finally, this is where Dua Lipa's "Dance the Night" comes in.

Throughout the duration of the song, we can see the conflict of this perception of being perfect vs. how life really is. While Stephanie Long makes good points with this example, I believe there is more to be said about its reflection on the movie as a whole than something as cliche as "nothing is perfect". Of course, there is still much to say on this idea. This idea being that women have to be perfect in order to enable themselves to be above men in this male-ruled society. Possibly the thing I hate the most about our generation is how SPLIT we are. Everyone has different political views, but I can't go a day on the internet without seeing men saying they are better than women and vice versa. Mainly, this seems to stem from women being provoked by these toxic men, but still it feels like modern politics is a fight to the top between genders. To me, most who partakes in this are silly and usually spouting nonsense(especially from the side of toxic men, but there is silliness everywhere).

How does this all relate to Barbie? Well, the idea of Barbie is to be the perfect woman. Not needing a man in your life and living your best is what it means to be "Barbie". While empowering women is a phenomenal thing, this creates a new sort of pressure point on women today: they have to be independent, have a good body, mentally strong, etc. I am male, but from any woman I have talked to about this, they would all agree this is the point of pressure they feel in society today.

There are more than a few lines in Dua Lipa's "Dance the Night" that portray this very pressure.

"My heart could be burnin', but you won't see it on my face

...

I'll still keep the party runnin', not one hair out of place

Lately, I've been moving close to the edge

Still be lookin' my best

I stay on the beat, you can count on me

I ain't missin' no steps"

Striving to be the best you can be is something highly encouraged in society today, on the side of both men and women alike. In this case, there is one very noticeable aspect of these lyrics: she comes off as POWERFUL. There are no obvious hints of weakness or a cry for help either in her voice or the lyrics themselves.

You may not remember, but earlier on I stated there were two parts of The Barbie Movie. Well it is finally time for the second part: the perfect world of Barbie Land is not perfect. This world where all the women are independent, powerful, and doing what they like is not the ideal land it is supposed to be. On one hand, the Kens(the men/Barbie's boyfriend) are all solely living for the sake of Barbie. This is an extreme flip on how gender roles are in the real world. Obviously this is problematic because once again, an entire gender is being treated unfairly. Furthermore, this act of perfection can't go on forever. "Dance the Night" abruptly ends in The Barbie Movie when Barbie says "do you guys ever think about dying?". At a single display of outwards weakness, Barbie's entire life started going to shit. This is precisely why the concept of "Barbie" is so unrealistic; life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. No person has ever lived their entire life without making a mistake or feeling something negative. Not only that but The Barbie Movie itself clearly shows how self-destructive the divide of men and women is to society. Nobody should be silenced, nobody should be treated unfairly or have to live a life below someone simply due to the gender they were born as, and nobody should be forced to live by the unrealistic standards of society.

The Barbie Movie should really touch anyone who watches it, men and women alike. That fact plays well into the entire purpose of the movie, which is that everyone can relate to one thing, be it from different perspectives or for differing reasons. "Dance the Night" did the movie's purpose justice, and between the instrumental and Dua Lipa's voice, it will be a song to remember for a long time.

#Youtube #dua lipa #barbie #barbie 2023 #barbie the movie #the barbie movie #dance the night

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ina-nis · 11 months

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Going a little more in depth on the whole social disconnection and existential isolation matters, I found these on Reddit and I believe their timing is pretty good. As someone plagued with suicidality and constant thoughts of death, this really resonates with a lot of my feelings and how alienating it is to be this way.

People who frequently feel alienated, isolated and misunderstood are more likely than others to have thoughts of death and dying swirling around in their minds, new research finds. It's not yet clear whether these feelings of isolation are the cause of these morbid thoughts, though there is some tantalizing evidence that they may be.

"This is an experience that some people really have, and some people have this experience all the time," (...)

Helm and his colleagues were interested in exploring how a particular experience, that of existential isolation, might tie in with thoughts of death and mortality. Existential isolation is related to loneliness, but it's not the same thing, Helm told Live Science. Loneliness is a feeling of a lack of contact with others, whereas existential isolation is the feeling that other people just fundamentally don't understand you. Socializing while feeling existentially isolated can actually make the problem worse, Helm said. (x)

The article above was based on the following text (under a paywall, so there’s a lot of gaps and it feels incomplete):

(...) Existentially isolated individuals do not feel that their views of the world are shared by others. Thus, they do not get much social validation of their worldviews. Terror management research has shown that strong faith in one’s worldview protects people from their concerns about mortality (...) When people’s worldviews are weak or threatened, death-related thought becomes more accessible. Therefore, people who are high in existential isolation or who are led to feel existentially isolated should be higher in death thought accessibility than those who feel less existentially isolated.

(...) Existential Isolation (EI) describes the “unbridgeable gap between oneself and any other being” (...) It refers to the notion that no matter how close we get to another individual, it is impossible to truly know their subjective experience (...) Although EI may be an existential reality (i.e., we can never see and experience the world via another person’s...

(...) As noted previously, terror management theory posits that individuals are able to maintain relative psychological equanimity in the face of awareness of their mortality by investing in internalized, largely culturally-based worldviews which offer individuals ways to find meaning and personal significance. In particular, investment in cultural worldviews, and maintaining self-esteem within the context of that worldview serve to buffer the individual against death anxiety (...)

(...) Given that EI is the sense that others do not share one’s subjective perceptions of the world, it may be particularly problematic for the need for shared reality (...) Many scholars have argued that our social worlds are constructed and maintained through relating to and interacting with others (...) In other words, the meaning and value we assign to social constructs, rituals, cultural artifacts (x)

From what I could understand, reading this text and researching further, people who suffer from existential isolation have less “protection” against death-related thoughts and feelings, because they don’t have buffers. This was particularly insightful:

Anxiety buffer disruption theory (ABDT) is an application of terror management theory to explain an individual's reaction to a traumatic event, which leads to post traumatic stress disorder (...) Humans respond to the anxiety and dread mortality salience produces by clinging to their cultural worldview, through self-esteem and also close personal relationships. Cultural worldviews, with their cultural norms, religious beliefs and moral values infuse life with meaning. They give life a feeling of normalcy and also a feeling of control. There is no way to definitely prove one's cultural worldview, there they are fragile human constructs and must be maintained. Clinging to a cultural worldview and self-esteem buffer the anxiety connected to thoughts of mortality. When thoughts of death are salient, humans are drawn to their cultural world view which "stipulates appropriate social requirements, and standards for valued conduct, while instilling one's life with meaning, order and permanence."

When a traumatic experience cannot be assimilated into a currently held cultural worldview, the anxiety-buffering mechanisms are disrupted. ABDT argues that individuals face overwhelming anxiety which leads to the symptoms of PTSD including re-experiencing, hyper-arousal, avoidance and disassociation. The dissociation causes atypical responses to mortality salience compared with individuals who do not suffer from an anxiety buffer disruption. When the anxiety buffer disruption is mild, exaggerated coping responses, such as rejecting or taking offense at other cultures, is expected. When the anxiety buffer disruption is severe, there can be a total breakdown of coping mechanisms (...)

Excessive anxiety experienced by post-traumatic stress disorder sufferers occurs because the events causing the post-traumatic stress disorder have demonstrated to these individuals that anxiety-buffering mechanisms are not capable of protecting them from death. Individuals who have high levels of peritraumatic dissociation and low levels of self-efficacy coping, two indicators of post-traumatic stress disorder, have abnormal responses to reminders of death. These individuals in turn do not utilize the coping mechanisms that are typically used to remove the fear of death: culture, self-esteem, and interpersonal relationships. In fact, in individuals with post traumatic stress disorder, mortality salience coping mechanisms are viewed as worthless and perhaps are even seen to be detestable (cont.)

The articles I’ve seen talk about it related to, disasters, fear of death and death-anxiety, among other things, but I believe it is possible to apply to cases such as mine, where my brain defaults to “death” as a “solution” to all problems ever, since I do not have anything else to hold onto. I’m obsessed with thoughts of death maybe not for the same reasons as people who are fearful of death do, but the mechanisms feel really similar. Therefore, my post-traumatic experiences are not about protecting me from “death” itself, but protecting me from “death of connections” (or rejection, etc), something along those lines.

The next part really hits home, for both my PTSD and other issues:

(cont.) Components of anxiety buffers

Cultural Worldview: Individuals who have post traumatic stress disorder will often reject their culture when provided with mortality salience triggers, the direct opposite of what terror management theory demonstrates to be true in those without post traumatic stress disorder. Cultural worldviews infuse life with structure, purpose and meaning. People maintain these fragile constructions by preferring the company of the like-minded. But when faced with a traumatic event, there are times when the horror cannot be assimilated into the framework of the person's existing cultural worldview.

Self-Esteem: Various studies demonstrate that individuals who have post traumatic stress disorder also have decreased self-esteem. Self-esteem cannot function well as an anxiety buffering system in those who have post traumatic stress disorder as the buffer is weakened in these individuals. High self-esteem can displace defensive responses and buffer against the terror of mortality salience because it is a signal that the individual is living at the standard they should, based on their world view. Self-worth as the terror management theory suggests is an essential component of the existential anxiety- buffering system (...)

Close Relationships: It is often mentioned that worldview and self-esteem affect ways in which our fears of death are buffered with ABDT. Close relationships also serve as a regulator of these fears (...) Close relationships seem to be a product of natural selection because of their reproductive and survival benefits, having reproductive benefits contribute to the survival of people’s genes through their offspring. Therefore, close relationships increase the likelihood of mating and brings about other survival skills like gathering food, finding shelter, environmental awareness, and protects offspring from dangers. Love and belongingness are ranked over those of esteem and self- actualization. The formation and maintenance of close relationships have been recognized in both infants and adults as a source of regulating distress. It is also noted that self- esteem can also stem from close relationships. Based on these things it was assumed that formation and maintenance of close relationships may serve as a death- anxiety- buffering mechanism. Close relationships appear to have inoculating power against basic existential threats, which allows people to respond to these threats by fulfilling relational potentials. Second, it seems the sense of relationship commitment is shaped by not only perceived relational investment, gains, and potential alternatives, as well as the existential need of denial of death awareness. Third, it seems processes of terror management not only include worldview defenses to protect the self, but also promote commitment to significant others and the expansion of the self, provided by these relationships.

Close relationships may serve as a fundamental anxiety buffer. It appears close relationships not only protect individuals from concrete and actual threats or danger, but also offer a symbolic shield against the awareness of one's finitude. Since the threat of death is inescapable, the support from those close to us make may make the thought of death more tolerable by giving meaning to our lives by being important to others.

As other anxiety buffers, interpersonal relationships are damaged as well in individuals with post traumatic stress disorder. People with post traumatic stress disorder have higher rates of divorce, more difficulty with their children, are more prone to domestic violence, and are emotionally distant from loved ones. All of these are damaging and as a result, terror management cannot be accomplished through close interpersonal relationships (x)

There it is.

I don’t really have much of 2 of these, and I like to think my “self-esteem” is always improving but... yes, everything is interconnected and my self-esteem does not exist in a vacuum. I personally feel like my own humanity is tied to other people’s, in a way or another. I don’t exist alone in the world. No one does. We’re a social species (even if not all of us are social).

The things that could help me to “hold onto life”, such as a shared cultural worldview, occur in very peculiar ways for me, both online and offline; and I don’t feel any particular attachments, unfortunately. I sense these connections are just as frail: I can brag about being part of the queer community, and the gaming community, and many fandoms too, so many other things I enjoy... but, ultimately, I don’t tie my existence or enjoyment of these things to the communities themselves, nor the culture of things. I take what I want and I do-it-myself. I love being around peers, but even if they were not here, I would still do my own thing because I learned from a young age that I could not rely on other people. I may be connected to a culture while I remain disconnected from the people taking part on it.

And of course, “close relationships” are the bane of my existence... do I even have to say anything else, considering they’re the reason for this journal in the first place?

Without these “close relationships” I feel like my... everything is very brittle, things are fragile even though they exist. And it’s not as if I were fostering dependency over others (not that this would be a problem), it’s just that... there’s no such thing for me, never for long-enough, never in any way that feels safe and reassuring so... I adapt! I function by myself, I learn how to live my life on my own and make the best out of it, I pursue happiness independent of others and...

I can’t rid myself of my own suicidality! Despite all the good things, despite all the reframing and happinesses.

It’s almost as if these things were related, huh? If my suicidality is also related to isolation, there’s no amount of things I do on my own that will help, regardless if they are good or make me happy, or if I reframe the bad ones into more positive ones. I’m still alone existentially, emotionally and physically. It’s a heavy burden to carry.

I don’t have anything to “buffer” those thoughts, I don’t have any other things to hold onto. The things I do have, do not address what needs to be address, rendering them useless. Everything is temporary, everything is conditional, everything is transitional, how do I move past this, when death itself feels more comforting, familiar and reliable than dealing with other people?

It doesn’t make sense, right?

It shouldn’t make sense! But it does for me because I have nothing else.

(Edit: I forgot to add but there’s a very good piece about this and the intersection of gender for transgender people)

#loneliness #avpd #avoidance #avoidant #avoidant personality disorder #resources #inanis post

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goblins-riddles-or-frocks · 2 years

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For Ship Bingo, a collection of problematic men: Alucard/Anderson, Kirei/Gilgamesh, and Hannibal/Will.

Hey! Sorry this took a minute, I was too lazy to actually download the bingo board to edit it 😂

Andercard:

I loooove them! Narrative foils do it better! But also I am just not into any remotely fluffy or cute depiction. That is simply not the point, their entire thing is expressing interest and even respect through violence. And also the tragedy of their dynamic is infinitely more interesting to me. So I just like it more as a missed opportunity kind of thing? And idk I think fandom kind of just ignores their personalities very often.

Anyway you know I love their final battle. I love how Anderson keeps being narratively compared to Van Helsing. I LOVE how Anderson’s death facilitates Alucard’s very public breakdown, and biggest display of emotion we’ve seen from him. Just on his knees sobbing over his own past, over mistakes he’s made, over Anderson’s similar choices. Just so good. It’s also such a great choice to have Alucard try to dissuade him from using the Nail of Helena earlier. Idk they just have such an interesting dynamic and I don’t see that being explored very often?

Btw people who think Alucard tops are wrong

Kotogil:

I hate it (affectionate) Idk this is such an absurd! delightful! pairing. Gilgamesh might as well be holding up a sign reading “bratty sub looking for a dom ❤️” throughout all of Fate/Zero lmfao

Also like idk isn’t it canon though?? They live together for ten years! When the holy grail grants Kirei’s greatest wish it’s a small scale apocalypse and Gilgamesh in a physical body (aka not leaving after the war) and naked.

I’m obsessed with the idea of pre Stay Night Kotogil as Rin’s horrible evil dads. I know they canonically aren’t super involved in her life, but I do not care. Let me have this. Fate canon contradicts itself a million ways anyway.

For what it’s worth, I (clearly) think the ship is very interesting. But simultaneously Gilgamesh’s impact on Kirei and the story is also very fascinating. Like what a moral spiral! Idk so just on a narrative level I really like it.

Hannigram:

God idk these two are insane. I think people frequently frame it as bizarrely… uncomplicated? As if it’s only a story of Hannibal idk… showing Will his true self or something. And that’s simply not true in my opinion!

Hannigram, and the entire fucking show, hinges on the manipulation and cruelty. Diluting it is simply boring.

Anyway re: conflicted feelings, I just idk dude I want Will to be happy and that’s never happening with Hannibal’s insane shit. It’s a fantastic gradual villain romance imo and the way it’s handled is very interesting! It manages to walk a fine line of keeping Hannibal fucking horrible while also maintaining the romance and that’s tough generally.

I personally wish the narrative was a little more open to having Hannibal experience real weakness? And that’s a general issue I have with the show, but it’s definitely a concern with the ship as well. I would’ve just liked to see him torn down a little more, or being allowed to display any genuine desperation when things are ostensibly going bad for him. (Like when he’s held captive by Verger for instance) That would’ve brought more stakes to his character, and by extension his dynamic with Will. But also I do still like their dynamic a lot as it is. And I think the way Will is just completely disillusioned by and done with his bullshit as the story progresses does help a lot.

Tangential, but this is also another ship where violence is explicitly framed as a vehicle for true understanding and tenderness. And idk it’s so fascinating. These two make deeply violent scenes insanely romantic. Like Hannibal literally fucking gutting Will just as an excuse to touch him? Insane! Unhinged! Will talking about how he fantasizes about killing Hannibal?? “With his hands” and Hannibal is clearly really really into it???

#ship bingo #nbc hannibal #hellsing #fate zero #fate series #andercard #kotogil #hannigram #this is very off the cuff and not though out lol #i ramble sometimes #all the bendy punctuations #ask games

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mbti-notes · 6 months

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Anon wrote: Hi MBTI-notes. INFJ here. Many thanks for your tremendous insights. Your analysis of unhealthy INFJ’s has been absolutely spot on for me. I can see that I can be incredibly, sometimes laughably, unrealistic, have great difficulty being present, and alternate between too cynical and too trusting.

However, despite knowing about the INFJ weaknesses for several years now thanks to your blog, I keep making these mistakes. Some feel harder to change than others - like the difficulty focusing that, in my case, seems similar to ADHD.

I am trying a variety of things including finding the right mentors to bring me back to reality and hold me accountable, DBT, and improvements to basic physical self-care like sleep. I might also consider getting on medications for bipolar I (a diagnosis I have received due to two manic episodes, although they’re not sure if I need to be on meds) or ADHD.

In your experience, what is necessary to successfully close the gap between simply knowing about my problematic patterns and actually changing them? I am really hoping that improvements in emotional intelligence via DBT will close the gap, and also am trying to be more systematic about maintaining and improving my interpersonal relationships. Maybe it will be a combination of many small things like mastering physical health and routines, realistic goals, the right mentors, discipline, etc.

(From the INFJ who mentioned bipolar I). As an addendum, I just wanted to mention that the two episodes definitely involved some psychotic thoughts and behavior, but it's unclear if they fit a traditional manic episode, as I've not experienced periods of little sleep but high energy. It’s quite possible that BPD is a better explanation due to a connection in both cases with a romantic interest. I just wanted to mention this in case it impacted your response at all.

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"Knowing" about problems means being in possession of the facts, so it comes mainly through observation and gathering information. A lot of people go through life not knowing how problematic their thinking/behavior really is until they get critical feedback or generate very negative consequences. Even then, perhaps they still can't admit to having a problem and they use defense mechanisms such as denial to avoid confronting the truth. Getting through these defenses can be an arduous process. Even though knowing is really only the first step, it can already be quite a difficult step.

If knowing is only the first step, it means it's not enough. More is required. Knowing is not the same as "understanding". Understanding comes mainly through developing self-awareness, which involves the capacity to perceive and evaluate oneself accurately and objectively. Self-awareness can be described as low/high or shallow/deep. To improve self-awareness usually involves going inward, through reflection and introspection, to discover the roots and mechanisms behind psychological issues.

If knowing is about grasping the facts, understanding is about being able to provide a proper explanation of the facts. For example, a lot of people feel low self-confidence very acutely but they have no idea about how it came to pass or why they suffer. When you don't understand your thinking/behavior, it means you don't know the causes of it, the motivations behind it, or the factors that contributed to its manifestation.

That said, when people know but don't understand their problem, they are still capable of some small self-improvement. Generally speaking, they'll seek out advice from those in the know and try to discover some common rules, methods, or procedures for dealing with the problem, which allows them to become more functional in daily life. However, while they can improve a bit, their growth tends to be limited because it remains unclear whether the solution they've found is the correct one. Perhaps they feel some relief or progress, but it doesn't really seem long-lasting. Why? Knowing without understanding means every "fix" you try is basically blind and random experimentation. If something works for awhile, you don't understand why. If something doesn't work, you don't understand what went wrong. This is one reason why self-help methods have a high rate of failure; they simply don't get deep enough into the problem, so self-awareness remains too low.

Using the example of low self-confidence to illustrate, different people suffer for different reasons. For Person A, perhaps it's because of fear of failure that creates too much anxiety to feel confident. For Person B, perhaps it's because they lack knowledge and skill, so they feel too incompetent to approach tasks confidently. Person B needs to improve their knowledge and skill through learning and practice in order to feel more confident. But this remedy isn't going to work for Person A. Regardless of how knowledgeable or skilled Person A is, they will continue to fear failure, because it is an entirely separate issue that remains unaddressed by Person B's remedy. If you were looking to the above two cases for inspiration, you wouldn't get very far without knowing YOUR individual reasons for suffering low self-confidence.

It sounds like you are still in the stage of knowing - gathering the facts about your issues in order to name/label them correctly. It's good you've gotten some practical advice for managing your issues. Using the INFJ functional stack to frame the issues also seems to have been helpful for improving your self-awareness. However, what I'm still not seeing is true understanding. You haven't yet discovered the underlying causes/mechanisms and aren't able to provide an accurate and objective explanation of why you suffer from these issues. In short, it's just harder to solve a problem when you don't know the cause or how it arose.

This is probably one reason why you're running into difficulty with getting clear official diagnoses. People often view an official diagnosis as "the answer", but oftentimes the label is just a way to describe a particular set of symptoms. It doesn't reveal enough about what's really going on underneath the surface. The process of talk therapy ought to be aimed at making better sense of the symptoms, so it's important to pair any pharmaceutical interventions with talk therapy.

I never want to discourage people from self-improvement. I appreciate your willingness to seek out answers. You asked me what might be lacking in your approach and I've given you my best guess. You've focused a lot on "doing" and "following", implementing some commonsense strategies like physical self-care and learning from good mentors. This is certainly a step in the right direction. But from the perspective of analytical psychology, you haven't done enough to go within to understand your own individual psyche. It is likely that working on your emotional intelligence through DBT will deepen your self-awareness. But, at this early stage, there is no way for me to predict if it will "close the gap". If you care about understanding yourself better, be willing to take your therapist's reflections and inquiries as deep as you can go with them.

#infj #knowing #understanding #development #growth #mental health #self awareness #self help #therapy #psychology #ask

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