sometimes, I'll be reading an atsv fic and come across one word or way of phrasing or encounter, and all of a sudden just know the author is black. on the flipside, sometimes writers will write in a certain way that makes it obvious they're decidedly not 💀

I keep seeing so many people here getting angry that this season is "vilifying Ed", and it's depressingly fascinating to see how others can watch the same show and somehow see something completely different. Is it simply the lack of media literacy? Is it the inability to appreciate and enjoy complex, nuanced, morally grey characters without willfully blocking out anything even slightly unpalatable about them to the point where the character they think they love isn't really that character anymore?

Because, uh... Season 1 already "vilified" Ed plenty. Except "vilify" is the wrong word, of course. It wasn't in any way malicious or mean-spirited, quite the contrary, it was often played as comedic (until the end of episode 10 when it was anything but) - Ed was always meant to be a sympathetic character, he's a protagonist after all, and the show's portrayal of him is very compassionate. It merely refused to sugarcoat or shy away from his darker side. He's literally history's most famous pirate, you don't become one by being nice and treating everyone gently. He ambushed and strangled his own father to death when he was like 9 years old (100% deserved and justifiable ofc, but it still bears saying it out loud like this just to comprehend how unhinged this actually was). He loves torturing and maiming people for fun, and sometimes even animals (that scene with forcing a turtle to fight a crab). He didn't give a fuck about his crew members dying to satisfy his whim to meet Stede. He entirely failed in his role as a captain in ep 4. He effectively played a double agent with Izzy and Stede for a while before changing his mind. He attempted to murder Lucius. And while you could try to argue his punishment of Izzy was at least to some degree deserved, not only cutting Izzy's toe off but forcing him to eat went beyond punishment, it was sadistic torture.

So, yeah, please just read all that and take it in. And then remember once again that Ed is also a traumatised, lonely, depressed, sensitive, creative, curious, deeply passionate person yearning for true love and for something different in life... just like Stede. He loves music and can play the piano. He wrote a very vulnerable song and sand his heart out. He likes his tea with seven sugars. He enjoys fashion and dressing up. He has such a limitless sense of wonder for the world. He went on a trek with Stede just to make him happy, even though he hated nature and was in a shit mood that day. He wants to host a talent show. He wants to become free. He's clever and funny and fascinating. I love Ed.

Yes, it's possible to reconcile those two sides of him and accept both sides as the "real" Ed. You have to reconcile the two sides if you want to enjoy him as a character, because if you don't, you're going to either detest him to the core (which would make enjoying the show practically impossible since he's sort of a main character...), or you'll only be able to enjoy a diminished, crippled, cardboard cutout version of his character, which would be such a pity and a massive disservice to the creators of this show who worked hard to create interesting, multidimensional characters.

Not to mention you'd be missing one of the core messages of the show - the idea that people still deserve love and can be loved even if they're imperfect, or not necessarily good people. Because love is a human condition. It's not a sole dominion of "good" people. "Bad" people can fall in love too - even if, just like them, that love isn't exactly "nice" or "pure", and neither are the relationships that stem from it. They can be messy and exasperating. But "bad" people can also grow and change because of it. That's what OFMD is ultimately about - growth and change, learning to accept yourself but also become better. That can't happen if the character is already 100% perfect the way they are.Ed is far from that. So is Izzy. They can both become better, and they both still deserve compassion and understanding, because that's the environment people need to become better.

So, if you're mad that at the start of S2 the crew are sympathetic to Izzy's suffering and want to help him instead of kicking him when he's down, and what Ed did to him is being acknowledged as cruel and wrong... congratulations, you have completely missed what OFMD is all about.

austin butler - into you

warnings ; smut. what did u think this was gonna be????

prompt ; in which you and austin butler are co-stars in the new elvis biopic, and it leads to some sexual tension on and off set. 

a/n ; first writing in over 3 years but this movie was enough to make me return to the writing scene, so, here goes nothing. requests are open!

part two

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

One of the weirdest things about becoming an actress was working with people you saw on screens, at galas, red carpet events, etc. You would pass them on the carpet, take one glance at them, and not think much of it. For example, you currently were working on the film Elvis, a documentary about the King of Rock and Roll. Lucky you, your co-star was none other than Austin Butler. You had seen him at multiple red carpet events, and you always thought he seemed a bit pretentious. However, you two have been working together for two months so far, and apparently there could be more than what meets the eye. 

It was a big transition for you, moving to Australia to work on a film you were really passionate about. You were secluded from the rest of your family and the world, only keeping up through pictures and cryptic messages from your friends. Not only was it a big transition, but you were also recently single. You broke up with your boyfriend to move to Australia - well, not precisely. He broke up with you. Details not necessary. Regardless, you took the role as Priscilla Presley to advance your career and play an influential role that meant a lot to others. And, there you were. Filming a movie like this was not only for yourself, but to prove everyone who doubted you wrong. 

Another day of filming had wrapped up, and today, your scenes had required you to make out with Austin Butler more times than you could count. You were currently scouting the food tables by set, hoping to devour a donut secretly while no one was looking. Suddenly, you felt a body slide in next to you, reaching out to grab a sandwich nearby. You looked up, smiling when you noticed it was Austin. The two of you weren’t necessarily close, but you had bonded over breaking up with your significant others recently. Everyone, and you mean everyone, knew about him and Vanessa Hudgens. Tragic, really. You could relate. You also bonded because you had practiced making out about 10,000 times for a chemistry read. So, maybe you were close. “I have to say, this sandwich is worse than yesterday’s,” He broke the silence, chewing with a hint of disgust on his face. 

You laughed, replying “Oh I know, that’s why I’m scouting these donuts over here. Can’t go wrong,” you finally located them, picking one up and taking a bite of it. He watched as the powder exploded over your face; mouth and nose. 

“Geez, you’re quite the delicate eater,” He joked. “Must be why the boyfriend left, eh?”

“Shut up,” you scoffed, slapping his arm. “I’ll have you know, I can eat politely. Just not when it involves powder or sauces… or seasonings..”

He rolled his eyes again, chuckling softly to himself before walking over to speak to one of the cameramen. You couldn’t lie to yourself and say that you weren’t attracted to him. However, what actress wasn’t attracted to their coworker at least once? You had worked with Dylan O’Brien previously on a film, and your attraction had actually manifested into a drunken hookup. Again, far too common. But Austin was a little different, if you were being honest with yourself. He was kind, funny, and was always down to go over lines with you. And… also incredibly attractive. 

There were times where you would catch him looking at you from across the room, or make eye contact awkwardly while you both talked to other people. You’re sure he had his fair share of off-screen hookups, but no need to ruin a friendship, right? 

                                                             +

It was the next day, and you had yet again managed to kiss Austin over 20,000 times. This last kiss was quite the passionate one, leaving your mind reeling with thoughts that might had not been legal in some countries. The way he cupped your face, gazed deep into your eyes, it was cruel. To think, it was just two characters playing a role. 

“Cut!” Baz Luhrmann, your director, yelled out. “Another amazing, AMAZING, scene, Austin and [Y/N]! I cannot deny the chemistry between you two.” 

“Hey, it’s all her,” Austin pointed towards you. “I’m just a prop of her affection.” 

You pushed his shoulder, and you almost flinched at the electricity between your touch. You were constantly playing with him, pushing him around like an elementary school student with a crush. “He just gazes into my eyes ever-so-lovingly, and I am overcome with love,” you pretended to swoon, making the crew laugh. 

“Keep up this act and the two of you will have yourselves nominated for Oscar’s,” Baz encouraged before walking off to discuss with the cameramen. 

“Oh god, I haven’t even thought about getting nominated for anything,” you spoke under your breath, but Austin heard you. You had been nominated twice for an Oscar before, but never won anything. 

“Me either. I don’t even think I’m doing that good to even get nominated,” he agreed. There it was again. The boy that you thought was pretentious was actually humble, and he didn’t realize that his acting was actually monumental for the role. 

“Are you kidding?” You turned to face him, a look of disbelief plastered on your face. “You literally carry every scene we do together. You’re practically Elvis.” 

He blushed a little at your comment, smiling and looking down at his feet, “Damn, that means a lot coming from someone who was nominated for an Oscar two times.” 

“You knew that?” You scrunched up your brows, shocked that he even knew who you were before this film. When he introduced himself the first day of the table read, you didn’t think he had any clue of what movies you were in. 

“Don’t worry, I do my research on all the pretty girls I work with,” He smirked lightly before walking away. You were left with your mouth gaping open. That was the first time he had ever actually flirted with you to the point where you could be sure he was. He had opened the flood gates for even more flirting, possibly sexual innuendos. 

And, that is exactly what happened. 

For the next two weeks, stolen glances escalated into promiscuous touches, and little flirty comments into bold, outright statements. At this point, even the crew and the rest of the cast were beginning to catch on. The crew would gossip on the sidelines wondering when the two of you would finally hook up. Now, every time you two kissed on set, it had a hint of passion and longing behind it. It ached your core and burnt your insides. 

One night, you were in your hotel room, watching a rerun of an old television show. You had on a white silk nightgown that was gifted to you from your parents after you won your first award. It was almost a little too short, but it was good enough for you to sleep in your room. 

The cast and crew stayed in the same hotel, and oftentimes you would run into them when getting a midnight snack. You didn’t mind the constant company; it made filming less lonely, especially since you had replaced your ex-boyfriend with your new eating habits. 

You laid comfy in your bed when you were suddenly jostled from your thoughts by a knock on the door. You furrowed your brows, confused as to who could knock on your door at this late night hour. You shrugged your shoulders, getting up and unlocking the door without checking the peephole. 

You opened the door to reveal Austin Butler. 

He had on a white t-shirt with a silver chain on, and boxers. His hair was disheveled and he had a small smirk on his face that didn’t seem like it was leaving. Oh god, you thought to yourself. Who looks this good at this hour? “H-hi, what are you doing here?” You found yourself in a vulnerable position, unable to form coherent words at the sight of him looking like this at your doorstep. 

“Thought I’d stop by. I couldn’t sleep tonight,” he spoke in a tone much darker than normal. His Elvis accent had impacted his voice greatly, and it was even more attractive than you thought. 

“You don’t have anyone else to bother at this hour?” You joked, regaining your composure and propping yourself against the door. 

“I mean, I’d rather bother you if that’s alright,” His eyes had a tiny sparkle in them. You couldn’t even look away from the constant eye contact he held. 

“Am I signing myself up for a night of teasing and bullying?” You took a step forward, feeling more confident. You knew this was wrong on so many levels, but you couldn’t help yourself. He was just so damn handsome. 

“Depends, sweetheart,” you shuddered at the pet name that fell out of his mouth. “I’ll do whatever you want to do.” 

The submissive words that exited his mouth felt dirty. They could be innocent in other context, however, him in his boxers didn’t really leave much else. “Really? And here I thought you were here to make me do what you want to do.” 

“And what is it you think I want you to do?” Now, he took one step closer. One more step and he would be touching your face. You were going to lose your composure again if he got any closer to you. You could smell the faint cologne left over on him and it was driving you mad. 

You slyly smiled, looking up at him with submissive eyes, “I think you want me to fuck you.” 

What the hell am I doing? You thought to yourself. Multiple curse words flew through your brain. You promised yourself you wouldn’t do this again but the chemistry was too undeniable to reject him. His eye contact still hasn’t broken yours, and he took one more step towards you. You could see every freckle on his face, every fleck in his eye. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Before you even had a chance to think or move, he slammed the door behind him, pushing you up against the wall and smashing his lips onto yours. It was messy, tongues colliding after weeks of sexual tension. You couldn’t even breathe, your heart jumping out of your chest as he pulled your arms above your head, pinning them against the wall. 

You moaned out lightly as his hand roamed to your neck, firmly clasping his hand around it and moving your chin up to kiss down your neck. You had a moment of clarity that was clouded by the wetness that had pooled in your underwear. “Fuck, what are we doing?” You spoke, almost coming out like a whine. He kissed up your neck, back to your lips before pulling away. 

“I want you, [Y/N]. Bad. I don’t give a fuck if this ruins everything. I can’t stop thinking about you,” he says in a rushed tone, eager to kiss you again. That was enough confirmation for you and you grabbed his face and kissed him again. You jumped up, allowing  yourself to wrap your legs around his waist. He was bulkier than before; he had worked out a lot for his role. Your fingers roamed down his arms, feeling the biceps he worked so hard for. You could feel him moving towards your bed, lips still intertwined. 

You two dropped down on the bed, his body weight on top of you as he pulled your legs out from under him. His fingers traced your leg, feeling up the hem of your nightgown. At this point, you were soaking wet. It took all your night to just not come right then and there. His fingers dipped into the waistband of your underwear, his thumb brushing over your clit gently. You gasped at the sudden contact, pulling away from his lips to look into his eyes. Maintaining eye contact, he peeled down your panties, down your shins, and over your feet until you were bare in front of him. “God, this little thing is so fucking hot,” he referred to the silk nightgown. He kneeled down, kissing up your leg before getting to your thigh. You were restless, small moans exiting your mouth. 

“Oh!” You gasped as he lifted your legs over his shoulders, nose brushing against the inside of your thighs, your clit hot and throbbing in front of him. As he tasted you for the first time, it was everything he imagined and more. Sweet on his tongue. You let out an audible moan as his fingers entered your aching core while sucking your clitoris with his mouth. A fire struck your veins, your fingers desperately grabbing for his hair as he licked and sucked, your back curling as he brought you closer to the edge. 

He could tell you were close, his fingers pumping in and out of you. He could feel your walls beginning to tighten, numerous moans and curse words falling from your lips consistently. He removed his mouth from your clit, taking his fingers away as well. He looked up at you, your mouth parted open and cheeks red with desire and agony. Seeing you in this state was everything Austin wanted and more. “Why d-did you stop?” 

He slowly began to kiss down your thigh, saying, “Because you’re going to come when I tell you to.” 

“Please, Austin,” you pleaded, eyes begging for more. He moved towards you, his chest on yours. 

“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll give you what you really want.” 

You grabbed his face to kiss him again, tasting yourself on his lips. You hastily reached down to slide his shirt off, and then his boxers off, and you were met by his erect cock, springing free. He was way bigger than you expected, and you almost wondered how you were going to fit him inside of you. With no hesitation, you flipped the two of you over, your waist hovering over his as you leaned down to kiss him again. He was shocked by your dominance, moving his hands from your legs up to your waist to slowly remove the nightgown off your body. 

You began grinding against him, groans exiting his mouth as he massaged your breasts. Now, those were a different story. He couldn’t keep his hands off them. They were perfect and just as he imagined they would be ever since you walked on set. He moved between your bodies with his free hands, grabbing his cock and sliding it through your folds until it was aligned with your entrance. You could feel him teasing you as he moved the tip between your wet folds slowly. “Fuck, please. I need you inside of me,” You begged.

“How bad do you want it?” He whispered against your lips. His tip slipped into you with one smooth move, showing no sign of moving. You tried to slide down on him but he would not let you.

“Austin, please, baby. I want you so bad. I want you deep inside of me,” That was all he needed to hear, and he released his cock as you slid down on him. You both moaned at the same time, and your walls wrapped him warmly. You were paralyzed, adjusting to his size. His hands were gripping your hips as you started rolling towards him. You were in charge, and he liked it. The way your tits bounced up and down as you sped up, your eyes never breaking eye contact with his. 

"You are so fucking tight, sweetheart," He grabbed your hips, beginning to control the tempo as he thrusted up into you. Your hand moved towards your clit, slowly making figure eights around your soaked core. 

"Austin," You whined as he went so fast all you could hear was the sound of skin slapping, your tits mesmerizing him as he watched you crumble. 

"Say my name again,” He watched as your head leaned back, eyes shut tight. 

“Austin," You said, his name coming out in a whining moan. You could feel yourself nearing closer and closer to the edge, and he could once again feel your walls tightening around him.  He knew he wouldn’t last much longer in this position, so he flipped you over with his hard cock still inside of you, your back pressed into the mattress. He resumed his previous speech, slowly placing one of your legs on his shoulder. 

“Oh my god, yes,” you moaned out, your eyes still squeezed shut, “That feels so fucking good.” 

“Look at me when I’m fucking you,” His tone was dark and you almost didn’t even recognize him when you looked up at him. His jet-black hair was pooled over his eyes as he pounded into you, sweat heading his forehead. He was gripping your hips so hard you were sure you were going to be bruised the next day. He put your other leg over his shoulder and you were certain that was the position you were going to come in. 

You were an absolute mess, squirming and moaning as he could feel your walls clench around him. “Oh my god, I’m going to come,” you exclaimed. “P-please, can I come?” 

“Do you want to come for me?” 

“Yes, please,” You whimpered, breathing heavily as the burning pit in your abdomen grew. “I’m so fucking close.” 

“Come for me, [Y/N].” His voice was enough to send you over the edge. He watched as you worked through your orgasm, toes curling and back arching off the bed as you tried to maintain eye contact with him. He could feel his own release coming close to, biting his lip as he tried to suppress his moans. 

He pulled out just as he was about to explode, motioning for you to go over to him. You sat on your knees, cupping your tits together as he let out a string of curse words. “Fuck, [Y/N]. I’m going to come, baby,” he moaned out as his warm liquids painted your chest. He looked so submissive in this angle, his chest heaving as he met his release. 

The two of you fell backwards almost immediately, chests rising and falling as you took in what the two of you just did. Thoughts ran rampant in your brain as you realized you two could’ve possibly ruined the chemistry between your characters. You could hear him still breathing heavily beside you as he spoke his first words, “I’ve wanted to fuck you like that for a while.”

You looked over at him, eyes gazing over his naked body. “You did?”

“You were my celebrity crush, you know.”

You sat up a little, propping yourself up on his shoulders and leaning over to look him in the eyes. “Seriously? I kinda thought you had no idea who I was. Plus, you were dating Vanessa so I didn’t think you noticed anybody.” 

Possibly bad timing to mention the ex. 

He chucked at your thought process, “Well, yeah, but after that, I always counted you as my celebrity crush. I would notice you on the red carpets. You always had a boyfriend, and I guess so did I, but it's weird how this worked out.” 

You lightly smiled, looking up at him as you rested your head on his chest, “I guess so. But, this can’t be anything, you know that, right?” You hated to be the bearer of bad news, but it didn’t feel right. The two of you were co-workers and everyone knew how bad it was for co-workers to be involved. It could impact the entirety of filming. 

“Yeah. We’re just rebounding from our exes,” He agreed. “It’s for the best anyway.” 

You couldn’t help but deny the twinge of pain in his voice. 

“Exactly, some good old-fashioned sex. Which you’re pretty good at if I say so,” you joked as you began to get up to put your nightgown back on. “I do have to go to bed though, and I don’t think I can let you sleep here for obvious reasons, so…” 

You trailed off, slipping your nightgown over your body once more. “Right, of course,” he spoke as he stood up and snatched his shirt off the floor. “Just to be clear, you are going to let me fuck you like that again?” 

You smirked at him, moving towards him slowly. “Oh, absolutely, we are doing that again.” 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

masterlist + request 

EB: i'm sorry karkat, i didn't realize we screwed up so bad. CG: ALRIGHT WELL CG: I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU TO MAN UP AND APOLOGIZE FOR IT, SO OK I'LL GIVE YOU CREDIT FOR THAT. [...] EB: i just feel kind of bad i fell asleep, i don't know what came over me. [...] CG: HEY, INOPPORTUNE NAPS HAPPEN IN THIS GAME.

I love that even at this early stage, Karkat keeps forgetting that he's supposed to be 'mad' at John.

CG: I MANAGED TO STAY AWAKE FOR SEVERAL WEEKS STRAIGHT, I DIDN'T WANT TO LET MY GUARD DOWN FOR A SECOND. [...] CG: AFTER IT WAS ALL OVER, AND WE RETREATED IN FAILURE CG: I FOOLISHLY DID. CG: AND THAT'S WHEN I SAW HIM. [...] CG: JACK.

Poor Karkat probably thought he was back from Alternia with a vengeance - which would be doubly painful, since Karkat liked Jack, and was completely against Exiling him.

CG: HE WAS WEARING A RING I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE, CERTAINLY NOT ONE BELONGING TO OUR QUEENS. [...] CG: HE WORE IT ON HIS ONE HAND, WHICH WAS COVERED IN OUR MUTANT BLOOD.

If Jack had got that blood from the troll session, we'd have a pretty good idea who it belonged to.

But Jack arrived with that blood. It came from the human session, and could have belonged to anyone there.

The narrative is giving it a lot of focus, though - even in Jade: Enter, the camera kept lingering on Jack's arm. This is 'important' blood, which will be shed in a pivotal moment later on.

Move over, Bilious Slick - there's a new god in these parts.

CG: I PRETTY QUICKLY DETERMINED THAT HE WAS FROM YOUR SESSION, NOT OURS. [...] CG: AND I WAS SORT OF RELIEVED CG: RELIEVED BUT ALSO ENRAGED CG: I'M SURE YOU KNOW THE FEELING. [...] EB: not really.

This is how you can tell John's not a programmer yet.

Get back to me when you've been debugging for two hours, and you realize you missed a free(). Then you'll know exactly what Karkat is feeling.

CG: I'VE GOT TO REWIND THE TAPE ON THIS CLUSTERFUCK AND FIGURE OUT WHAT WENT WRONG. EB: yeah, i should get going too. EB: my friend is pestering me, and i doubt she likes to be kept waiting. EB: (she is sort of the bossy type!) CG: WHY WOULD I CARE ABOUT YOUR DUMB HUMAN FRIEND AND HER PETULANT, MEANINGLESS DEMANDS.

'What went wrong' is the girl who's messaging John right now.

I cannot wait for Karkat to figure out who actually caused the Mistake, and confront Vriska directly. It'll be cathartic, I think, for his rage to be directed to someone who's deliberately responsible for their problems.

Karkat is no match for Vriska, of course - but he doesn't necessarily have to be. He's a leader, and once he starts yelling about who actually got them trapped in the Veil, the other trolls are sure to take his side, no matter how annoying he is.

Vriska is extremely resourceful, but if Karkat rallies all the surviving trolls against her, her victory is far from guaranteed. She'll be up against Terezi, Kanaya and Sollux - not to mention Feferi, who's recently proven she's not as much of a pushover as you'd expect.

This is all hypothetical, of course. Before we can talk about Vriska's plans, we need to understand what the fuck she's playing at here. It's possible that this was ultimately for everyone's benefit - but I think it's more likely an act of hubris. Vriska seems bent on fighting Jack directly, so I think she's messing with his timeline to make him vulnerable in some way. That's not how the Alpha works, Vriska!

i'm about to get mauled ALIVE for saying this but here goes:

i think m'leven's relationship should be based on a mutually requited crush. both the implications it would have on their personal development as characters and the message it would send to the audience would be substantially more impactful, healthy, and progressive than if they only dated out of obligation. in fact, the thematic message of their relationship SIMPLY DOESN'T MAKE SENSE without a foundation of genuine romantic attraction.

still with me??? okay, good.

when shows deal with romance they tend to fall into the categories of either having pretty much every character shipped with every other character at some point, or of having the endgame ships be the most obviously pushed from the start. byler has definitely been built up from the start, but the majority of the show's audience didn't consider it as an option for canon until s4, when they started making it blatant. hell, a lot of people didn't even realize WILL was queer until s3 (again, when the show started to place heavy emphasis on it), and even then a lot of people thought he might be ace rather than gay.

mike and el, on the other hand, were practically the show's flagship couple for the first 2 seasons at least. it wasn't until s3 that their popularity started to dip and their relationship began to receive a lot more criticism. which makes sense, considering they hadn't actually been IN said relationship in the previous seasons. they had a couple of romantic interactions, sure, but we didn't see how they would interact *as a couple*. people obviously couldn't predict how their dynamic would actually pan out!!! that isn't to say that the negative aspects of their relationship were a bait-and switch, though: red flags were visible since at least s2, but they were far from being the focal point and a lot of shippers interpreted them as being cute (like el's jealousy over max).

having a show acknowledge the fact that the first person you get a crush on (because correct me if i'm wrong, but i'm pretty sure they're canonically each other's first crush???) isn't necessarily your ~soulmate~ is a great thing. even better when they go a step further, and play with the concept!!! the text of stranger things doesn't actually push m'leven as a paragon of romantic love. if you listen to what the other characters say about their (romantic) relationship, their opinions are entirely neutral/negative???

lucas teases mike about his crush in s1, but calls him hopeless in s3. hopper is out of line with how agressively he acts about their relationship, but the resolution of that character arc for him is about him acknowledging that he's been overbearing and accepting that he needs to let el grow up, and NOT some hammy realization that "what they have is true love, i was wrong to interfere!!!" max thinks their clinginess is sweet at first in s3, but she isn't very close with either of them. once she and el start to bond AND SHE LEARNS THAT EL HAS NO EXPERIENCE WITH ROMANTIC ATTRACTION OUTSIDE OF MIKE she encourages el to assert her own self-worth and dump him. [which... actually mirrors the progression of opinions in a lot of audience members??? 🤔🤔]

and those are just a few examples!!! i won't go on an exhaustive list, because honestly we'd be here all day.

furthermore, m'leven's steady downward trajectory is not the only instance of the show basically dunking on the trite expectation that a character's first love interest is automatically their happily-ever-after, AND the recurring motif that any relationships a character explores before their endgame ship are wrong because the alternate love interest is Bad.

dustin has his first crush (onscreen, anyway) on max in s2, but ends the season happy despite his sadness over rejection and later gets together with a girl who's basically his perfect match. in s3, robin confides to steve about how she was so far gone for tammy that she would cry into her pillow. in s4 she's able to laugh over just how bad her singing is without denying it, and is tentatively flirting with vickie. joyce was genuinely really happy with bob, but after having time to heal from the tragedy of what happened to him she's ready to move on with hopper.

again, not an exhaustive list. why??? because outside of m'leven, the only relationships where the characters ARE each other's first love interest are: lumax, whose entire arc together is about growing up as a couple (you know, the exact arc m'leven shippers pin on mike and el, as if it would make sense for 2 couples to have the same format and message...); stancy, which is only one prong of Love Triangle Hell and the controversy around it speaks for itself; and TED AND KAREN. WHO ARE POINTED OUT EXPLICITLY BY THE TEXT OF THE SHOW IN S1 NO LESS, TO BE AN EXAMPLE OF A WORST TIMELINE FUTURE THAT CHARACTERS DO NOT WANT TO REPEAT.

but if you're reading this, you already know all of that.

the point i'm trying to make is that stranger things shows a consistent palette of themes across all the relationships it portrays. i've obviously been going over the romantic ones, but this applies at least as much to the plationic bonds as well. those themes are of GROWING AND MATURING, of SHIFTING DYNAMICS, and of BECOMING SECURE IN YOUR PERSONAL INDEPENDENCE.

i'm sorry but to present a pair of characters with apparent mutual feelings; to elaborate on how dysfunctional their relationship is; and to ultimately reveal to the audience that actually they were both just confused, they never had feelings for one another in the first place and that's why their relationship didn't work out; sends an extremely mediocre message, to put it nicely. all the characters learn from that lived experience is "don't date people you don't have feelings for, and if you were unsure about how real those feelings were... get good???" meanwhile, all the audience learns from that VIEWED experience is "if the relationship doesn't work, it's because the people involved don't like each other enough." if byler goes on to be canon and is immediately much healthier, that only enforces that shitty message. in that situation the only reason THEIR relationship works while mike and el's didn't is that they actually have feelings for one another!!!

from a show which has explored complex arcs and messages with *LITERALLY EVERY OTHER RELATIONSHIP* they touch on, this would be beyond disappointing. particularly as the central message for the arc of 2 of the mainest main characters in the whole show!!!

on the other hand, to present a pair of young characters at the start of the show and flag them as having an obvious mutual crush; to allow them to explore that crush as a serious prospect; to have them realize that their relationship is dysfunctional; and to have them move on as friends; sends???

a great???

fucking???

message???

they both get to progress and move on as more enriched people than they would have been without their time in a relationship, and that is fucking wonderful.

el has a deeper understanding of romantic interactions based on actual lived experience and not just TV shows. she's able to develop into her fledgeling sense of identity more securely with the knowledge that relationships can change, and that's okay. not everything has to be forever.

mike understands how to process and manage his own feelings much better, and is equipped with a firsthand understanding of how a relationship can become emotionally dysfunctional without proper communication, making him ready to enter a new, healthier relationship. he has displayed the same overprotective behaviours towards will as he has to el, but he's begun to learn how to manage them so that he doesn't stifle his partner. after previously failing to communicate his feelings to both el and will in s3 when he fought with them, he's been making a deliberate point of doing so in s4. this didn't work with el when he tried to open up about his own experience with bullying, but it DID work with will when he admitted to his failings in balancing relationships.

are either of them finished in their personal arcs??? no, of course not!!! they're not even fifteen!!! but they have both grown as people, not in spite of their romantic relationship, but BECAUSE of it. you don't change as you grow up, so much as you start to understand yourself better. but self-discovery and subsequent self-acceptance CANNOT come without self-explaration.

it's okay to try things out, and it's okay if they don't end up being right for you.

meanwhile, the broader message about relationships that this imparts on the audience is an extremely important one. one which gets overlooked continually by storytellers in every industry. one which the show itself has brushed on, but not explored in depth.

one which fandom, in particular, likes to ignore.

ATTRACTION ≠ COMPATIBILITY

(...and that's okay!!!)

Why "You're not HSP, you're autistic!" isn't helpful but actually counterproductive

So first, let me explain my background on this:

I'm a social worker. Communication is my daily tool, especially with people in crisis

I identify as HSP but not as autistic. I have reasons for that.

I'm also a lesbian, and have been active in the queer community for literal decades. This includes discussion about labels, self-identification, labels based in discriminatory thinking, etc.

lastly, I'm acutely aware of intersectionality, internalized biases, and where they can lead us

Next, let me outline who this post is for:

anyone who is convinced of the above sentence (and wants to convince others too)

anyone who is uncertain which label applies to them, but feels like it might be one of the two

anyone who knows they are one or both of the above labels and wants to communicate with others.

I'll put my arguments under the Readmore, so as not to clutter up people's dashes; this is gonna get long. In essence, they boil down to:

You-messages like the above very rarely work.

telling someone their own identity typically doesn't work.

a researcher's ableism doesn't necessarily mean their whole entire body of work needs to be thrown out.

HSP and autism have several overlapping criteria, however that does not mean that HSP equals autism.

Lastly, let me tell you why it's important:

we all, no matter how we label ourselves, seek for tools (self help, therapy, apps, etc.) that will improve our lives. Some of the tools from the Autism Toolbox will work for me, some from the ADHD Toolbox too - but not all of them.

currently, there is another toolbox labeled HSP, and the tools in there are perfect for me. I only found them because I found the label HSP; I did not find them in the Autism or ADHD Toolbox. Maybe one day these toolboxes will be integrated into one, maybe under the autism label, who knows. But RIGHT NOW they are not. Right now, they are labeled HSP or SPS, and those are the terms I needed to search for to find them - no matter that the terms might be badly chose

"you're not HSP, you're autistic" denies that this HSP Toolbox even exists, and so people will not find all the tools that can make their life better.

Okay, here's the long form of my arguments.

You-messages like the above very rarely work.

Most people's gut reaction to being told "You are not X, you're actually Y!" is "who are you to tell me what I am?" or "who are you to tell me that my conclusion is wrong?" Such a reaction is, as stated, not helpful, and usually counterproductive. It puts the person being told "You're Y" on the defensive, and people don't change their mind when they feel defensive.

If you are truly convinced that this person is autistic, it is far more helpful to put this in an I-message, and temper it with a potentiality: "I think/it seems to me, from what you describe, that you could be autistic." And then to follow this up with, for example, a question like "have you ever considered that?" so that they can explain if, perhaps, they have already looked into that, or tell you that no, they haven't, what's your reasoning?

They might still react defensively due to their own ableism against being potentially autistic. But they can tell themselves "okay, that was just this person's opinion, I don't have to listen to them," which is actually a much less conflict-ridden outcome.

telling someone their own identity typically doesn't work.

Let's look at another way of telling someone their own identity: "You're not a gender non-conforming cis woman, you're actually trans!" - how do you, an internet stranger, know? All you have is a few sentences that someone posted somewhere; they, meanwhile, know their own lived reality 24/7 of however many years they've lived with it. Again, this kind of communication leads to defensiveness.

Even if it's true - and that's an important thing to keep in mind.

This person might be trans. That person might be autistic. But unless and until they are ready to hear that, to think about that as a possibility, to test apply that label to themselves and see if it fits? You telling them will do jack shit. Especially in a confrontative You-message. It might even lead to them taking longer to embrace that part of their own identity; out of spite ("just because some random internet stranger said I was doesn't mean I am"), out of fear ("I don't want people to know this about me; am I that easy to clock?"), of out internalized bias against the identity ("I can't possibly be this!").

a researcher's ableism doesn't necessarily mean their whole entire body of work needs to be thrown out.

I see the ableism in Aron's work. And in that of other researchers. Bias against autism is unfortunately still rampant, even in psychology, even in neurosciences. And I understand the pain of seeing that, of being belittled, dismissed, being made invisible. And I further understand the gut reaction to not want to have anything to do with a person who is like that, who does that.

That is not, however, how science works. Science needs to take an objective look at what is presented, check it for biases (among other things), and if found, check whether those biases truly invalidate the entire body of work, or parts of it, and then throw those out and also check if sense can be made of the data/findings without those biases.

That is what further research and peer review is all about, and that is being done right now. This has been the case throughout medical history, as well as all other sciences. Heck, for the longest time (including even today), one form of autism was named after a fucking Nazi ramp doctor.

Again, I know the pain that bias in science can cause. I've been at the receiving end, I know plenty of people who have been on the receiving end, I see your pain. I understand wanting to be seen, not dismissed. I understand wanting to lash out.

However, when you do so by telling people "you're not HSP, you're actually autistic", the only people that you hurt are the ones who are seeking help, who are vulnerable and in pain themselves. It wasn't all that long ago that especially girls and women (or people perceived as such by parents, teachers, doctors) were told "You're not autistic; girls can't be autistic." It hurt them. It denied them access to help that they sorely needed. Don't perpetuate that, please - even if you are truly convinced that this person is, in fact, autistic: please refer to the above two bullet points to understand why telling them in that way won't help.

HSP and autism have several overlapping criteria

and it is possible to be both, it is possible to identify first as one, then the other, and it is possibly to mistakingly think you're one when you're actually the other. However that does not mean that HSP equals autism in every single case - not according to current psychological and neurological knowledge.

I score well below the threshold for every single autism test. Like, it's not even close. Even the ones that test for typically-overlooked autism criteria, even the ones that test for how autism presents in women, all of them. The experiences that autistic people describe, of studying social interactions until they can mimic them perfectly, know what to say and how to react because they've seen other people do so and can replicate that - none of that is me. By all criteria known to current science, I am not autistic.

I have, however, undeniably a high sensitivity to external input, sensory processing sensitivity, funnel not filter, high-wired brain, however you want to name it. I don't care what it's called; all I care about is that I understand how I work, how my brain works, so that I can finally get the bottom back under my feet. That is why I was trying to see if I'm autistic: because that would have helped me make sense of what is going on, of how I feel wrong all the time; and it would have enabled me to seek out therapy that was actually helpful. I would not have minded an autism diagnosis; I would have welcomed it, precisely because of that.

And it was never the right fit. And god, how that frustrated me. And I know you know that feeling, of looking at this box and that label and this study and that doctor, and they all tell you "no, this isn't you, not precisely." And you know that you don't fit in with society, that you're different than other people, who seem to fit in so easily, who go through life so blithely when you simply can't, and you just wanna know why that is and how to change it, how to make things so that you can go through life blithely too.

The overlap between HSP and autism is large.

And maybe, further down the line and the years, science will come up with a concept that combines autism and HSP or SPS or whatever they call it currently. And when that time comes, I'll embrace that concept just like I'm embracing HSP as a concept right now, just like I would have embraced an autism diagnosis. But until that happens, we need to keep both of these labels, diagnoses, whatever you want to call them, open and available for people.

Because while the overlap is large (just like autism and ADHD have some overlap), it isn't a circle; it's a Venn diagram with some communal and some separate aspects. And I fall into the pool that isn't overlapping with autism. Others don't. Squares and rhombuses can coexist, and so can autistic people and highly sensitive people; I'm 100% convinced that plenty of accommodations, tools, helpful tricks work for us both.

But some of them are not fully the right fit, and that is important. In the end, that is what this is about, and why we need both terms, both concepts, and why conflating them isn't helpful: the people who fall under any of these diagnoses need to find the correct help, the correct tools for living their lives in the best way possible. The way I need to arrange my life, the strategies I need to develop and the accommodations I need to implement, have lots in common with what an autistic person might need - lots, but not everything. Just like different autistic people will need different things. And people with ADHD need different things (and also some of the same things). But when you point me only to the Autism Toolbox, I will not find everything I need, just like an ADHD person won't. And that makes my life harder than it needs to be.

Currently, I find the tools that I need in a box labeled HSP. I don't care if they stay in there, if the box gets relabeled, if it gets integrated into the autism toolbox. All I care about is that I have access to them, that other people who need the same tools have access to them. I have started to work with an HSP coach, who I found because I found the label HSP, and when I tell you that my life has massively improved since then, I want you to hear that.

When you say "you're not HSP, you're actually autistic," one of the things you're doing is you deny people access to the tools they need.

And I won't stand for that.

Small Defence of Kristina in Young Royals - Season 2 The Redemption Arc

For part one please see it here.

Also, these are all my own thoughts and interpretations. Season 3 could prove me all wrong.

Season 2 is a bit of a redemption arc for Queen Kristina, who while still is no Sarah Nelson or likely to win any LGBTQ+ Mother of the Year awards, is far from the villain that she was in Season 1.

The first time we see Kristina in Season 2, she is pleading to speak to Wilhelm. For someone controlling and calling the shot weeks ago, Kristina is rather submissive here. She isn’t coming into his space. When Wilhelm closes the door, she only talks through it and doesn’t make any attempt to open it. Wilhelm doesn’t lock the door, you see what looks like a key in the door, she can very easily open it and talk but she doesn’t.

When Wilhelm finally does call her, Kristina first looks shocked and surprised. After all, this is Wilhelm reaching out when he’s been continuing to ignore her calls and texts. This quickly gets shattered when Wilhelm actually talks. But I am going to pause here for a moment because, we see a new important character here, Jan-Olof Munck. He is the one that is going to become the villain and the representation of The Crown. In this role, only Kristina held Season 1, in Season 2 however, we will see her step back from that role. But, we will come back to him.

For this conversation however, I feel this is the moment that Kristina finally realises the extend of Wilhelm’s anxiety and (possibly mixed in too) grief over Erik’s passing. She is hearing up close and personal a full panic attack, and her reaction makes me wonder if this is the first time it has happened, if she noticed before. I would reckon she hasn’t, especially with her own disappointment and grief in Season 1. With Jan-Olof now in frame, Kristina can step more into the role of mother than Queen. Although, sometimes it takes Wilhelm asking before the Queen drops completely.

So, the next day we have Kristina taking action because clearly some intervention is needed for Wilhelm. I can see from Kristina’s perspective how removing him from school at first seems like something Wilhelm may go along with. Just months ago he was sending messages begging to come home. And I am sure there are other motives too like training Wilhelm up to take the throne, but for me, this conversation is one of the most important moments of the series.

While Wilhelm says she only wants him to leave to not see Simon because of the scandal and that she forced him to lie. While I do agree that yes, Wille likely felt very much forced to say what he did at the time, I also can see the logic behind Kristina’s words here. No one should be forced to come out. Kristina would have done a lot better voicing this before the video, but she’s probably had her own reflections. As seen by the news coverage, it is a big deal for a member of a royal family to potentially be gay/queer (the media would likely just jump to gay).

I am sure there is a part of Kristina that was hoping this would be some phase, but she is realising I think that her son’s relationship was a lot more. She is also saying this not in private. She is on a plane of other people, who while are likely loyal to the Crown, are hearing her make her own stance. Kristina is stating that she is supporting her son.

And yes, she does bring up the “When you are 18′” discussion, which again I don’t think there is necessarily done with ill intention. Wilhelm’s behaviour hasn’t been very mature as of late (refusing to speak to his mother for weeks, calling up and making demands). Clearly, Wilhelm needs some time to mature and work through things before he makes any rash decisions. I can understand this from Kristina’s point of view as she knows whatever he decides, it is going to play on the world stage and he will need to be ready for that. Getting Wilhelm into therapy is key to that. (And well done Boris by the end of the season).

When Kristina meets with August to let him know about the Royal Court’s plan to make him Wilhelm’s “backup” if he is not able to handle the pressure, she lets August know right off the bat this was not her idea. We the viewer gets to see that Kristina too is trapped in some ways by the machine of the Royal Court and the Crown. While Kristina protected August at the end of the last season when he leaked the video, it becomes more clear that she only did so to protect her son (and yes, by extension the Crown). 

If Kristina didn’t have her own title, I don’t think she would have a problem with Wille being queer, and this conversation cements it. It isn’t Kristina who asks if August is straight, it is the Royal Court who asks. Kristina makes it very clear that this backup plan is only if Wilhelm cannot do it, but until then she is going to support her son. As while August attempts to charm her, she never shows any sort of support in this conversation.

This line I find interesting when Kristina is explaining how August has been put forward has his replacement, not only for the speech but perhaps as King. And Kristina is very clear, this is not her desire or plan, it is the Royal Court. She’s been forced into this. Erik’s death has meant that there is only one person after her to succeed or Sweden will have to rework its government, which is a bit dramatic the country would survive, but again legacy is something Kristina is concerned about.

Why I want to point out this line though, is Kristina seems to be voicing what has been Wilhelm’s problem with the monarchy thus far, it is a punishment. You cannot freely act but have to constantly think what wider impact your actions may have. Choices are few and far between in Kristina’s position.

Kristina didn’t make the decision about Simon’s song, Jan-Olof did. She didn’t put forward August to replace her only son, the Royal Court did. She didn’t want Wilhelm to come out before it was his choice or he was ready. 

She is just in damage control dealing with it all.

So, in the end, I don’t think Kristina is the villain of Young Royals. She is a character with many different slides and flaws. She is far from a perfect mother, but she is also trapped in the same system that Wilhelm is too. We know Ludvig was not her first love either, she had to sacrifice that for the Crown.

The real question is going to be what she does in Season 3 with the news out. Wilhelm could have easily thrown Kristina under the bus by stating her part in why he initially denied the video. But again, she isn’t the villain, the Crown is.

That is my defense of her. I liked her a lot more in Season 2 and I better found I could understand her. But these are just my thoughts, feel free to agree or disagree.

I mean, yeah, but neither Bernie nor AOC are radical at all. I think asking the left to be quieter won’t bring any good. Young leftists are loud and sometimes annoying, true, but they should be able to exist without catering to the more right wing sensibilities and not be called racists for that? Like? So someone’s dad read an article about Bernie that called him a radical, and? How is that anybody’s problem? People are allowed to exist loudly. Also I think a lot of American leftists are poc actually, not whit? Might be a misconception, I’m not USA American, I think I just saw statistics somewhere, so that’s like meaningless. But in the 60s most leftists were poc! So??

Gotta say, you're nicely proving my point here (and that of the previous anon). When someone points out that white Western leftists' rhetoric is alienating people with different experiences of "socialism," including older immigrants from non-American countries, you immediately jump to HOW DARE YOU CALL US ALL RACISTS AND TELL US TO BE QUIET??! Like my dude, my pal, my friend. That's quite a logical leap and represents the exact thing we're talking about here, so thanks for helping us demonstrate it.

That's not what I was saying and not what the other anon was saying. We're saying that this kind of exact jumping-to-conclusions, "you're definitely wrong and not us" mindset is what is harming the American leftist attempt to recruit a broader coalition that exists in the real world and not just on majority white, majority native-born American, majority-young spaces on social media. It's rather telling that you equate "ask leftists to be more productive and useful and realistic about their message if they actually want to make any real social change" with "STOP TELLING US TO BE QUIET!!!"

Anyone who has read my blog for any amount of time knows that I am not by any means quiet, or telling anyone else to be quiet, about leftist/progressive/liberal/anti-Republican policies and ideas. What I'm actually asking them to do is be smarter about it, which is often taken as a personal attack. Likewise, you're confusing "leftists" with "Democrats," which is not the case. Many people of color in America (though not all) are Democrats or usually vote for Democrats, because Republicans have taken a hard turn into open racism and white supremacy since at least the 1980s. These people do not necessarily identify as "leftists," in the sense that social media/Terminally Online Leftist Twitter defines it, and indeed, most of them don't. African-Americans are one of the Democratic Party's most core constituencies, but they largely identify as mainstream liberals or Democratic centrists. The far-left movement in America is very small and very white, for reasons I have talked about before, and this is the exact kind of rhetoric that is not helping it expand.

Likewise, both myself and the anon pointed out that it didn't matter if Bernie and/or AOC or anyone else calling themselves "socialist" was radical or not. We specifically discussed the historical context that makes certain groups deeply hesitant and/or flat-out unwilling to associate with that label, even if they otherwise vote for Democrats or support Democratic ideals. This is not some nanny-state slap on the wrist reprimanding young leftists for being "loud." It's pointing out that their so-called political strategies are often bad, and they're not making any of the change they claim to want, but they are looking Holier Than Thou on social media, which is deeply useless as praxis and only contributes to extreme-right revanchism. So like. By all means, be loud. But don't be stupid about it, and don't act like people who have concerns should just be blown right past and complained about as "how is that anyone's problem?" Because that is the exact core difficulty with a lot of Online Leftist messaging and why it is almost completely ineffective as an "opposition" force to fascism.

Question of timing

Summary: Aaron finally agreed to make Haley a mother and she realised that the d-day is now. The issue is: how to convinced a husband afraid AF to be a father to do the last step? 

Characters: Aaron Hotchner x Haley Hotchner (Haley pov)

Contents: NSFW. Minors DNI. Explicit sexual intercourse, rough sex (kind of), consensual.

This is a surprise text written for the CM Family Challenge organized by @imagining-in-the-margins ; and that actually fits also the CM June Challenge hosted by @foxy-eva

(I say “surprise” because I didn’t want to post if at first. This kind of text is not easy to write, especially in another langage. I can’t stop fixing stuff here and there... Well, enjoy anyway. ^^; )

PS : English is not my mother language so they are necessarily mistakes. Sorry about that.

___

With her hands in the water, Haley mechanically washed the dishes, lost in though. Over the course of the morning, she had done the math over and over to make sure she wasn’t wrong and had come to the conclusion that it was now or never. Two months earlier, she’d backed her husband into a corner to open his eyes to the reality that he hadn’t kept his end of the bargain. Since the beginning of their relationship, she had given selflessly to support him in his career, even agreeing to move across the United States, leaving her family and friends behind, for him. Sure, she had the house she’d always wanted, which she could decorate to her heart’s content; she had the car and money to do as much shopping as she wanted, but it was far from filling the void that was growing in the pit of her belly.

               The problem was that Aaron had a very conflicted relationship with parenthood because of his unhappy childhood. Having had no good examples in front of him, he was convinced that he was perfectly incapable of raising a child and refused to ruin the life of one of them because of his inevitable mistakes. So she had to negotiate hard to make him understand that his fears were no different from those of any future father and that, in any case, she would be there to have his back if necessary. After this bitter bargaining, he had finally given in; putting his fears in his pocket, and agreed to make her the mother she had always wanted to be. Only, he still had to be present when the time came to impregnate her, which was far from being so obvious with the position he occupied.

               Nevertheless, she was hopeful that today would be the day. She hadn’t received a message that he’d left for another state, so he’d be there tonight to embrace her as many times as needed. It was still to be decided whether she should tell him the truth – at the risk of him totally blocking out – or whether she should gloss over the fact that she was ovulating – with the possibility that he might take it the wrong way for not having been told. That was the debate she had been having in her head all afternoon without being able to find the right answer. She wanted to be as honest as possible with him on the subject – which she knew was sensitive for him – but knew the impact of his mind on his possibilities of action. She still remembered how, under stress, he had been unable to get hard the first time they had spent an evening together. Luckily for her, he had found another way to make her come, which had allowed him to get a second date.

               She was at this point of her reflections when she heard the engine of the car in the alley. She looked up, puzzled, and saw the hood of the sedan pounding on the pavement. A door slammed and the front door opened. Haley didn’t understand what was going on because it was far too early for her husband to come home from work. Yet it was him standing in the kitchen staring at her with a curious gleam in his eye.

-        “Aaron?”

She had turned over to face him, her hands dripping with water and foam. Her companion was looking at her with a look she already knew and that awakened a pleasant sensation in her lower tummy. The first time she had met it, years before, she had been afraid before understanding that he didn’t want her any harm. On the contrary. Then, as the pattern had been repeated, she had asked Jason Gideon, one of her husband’s mentors, to find out more about the origin of this strange behavior. He told her that it was perfectly normal, that it was just a reaction to the intense stress of a near-death experience. In other words, to counterbalance the fact that he had come so close to the end of his life, her partner was trying to prove to himself that he was still alive. And often, this was done through feverish lovemaking leading to a revealing orgasm.

               Eager to not break the spell, she said nothing more and Aaron hurried over to her and kissed her fiercely. She answered his call while keeping her hands raised so as not to ruin his exorbitantly priced suit jacket. Attitude of which he did not seem to care one moment. Plunging in her neck, he dropped several kisses on her nape while raising her top to expose her chest. With skill, he unhooked her bra and caressed her released breasts that his lips went to minutely. Haley felt her heart beating in her temples and held back to signal to her partner that she wanted more. At this moment, she would have given anything to have her hands dried so that she could open the buckle of his belt and reach this sex which she felt tended against her basin.

               But it was him who passed to the attack unbuttoning her jeans and by lowering it so that it falls to her on the ankles. She released it of a blow of foot and let her husband raise her of the ground to install her on the table of the kitchen. She naturally spread her legs so that he gets closer to her and his left hand came to insinuate in her panties to prepare her. Haley was largely ready to accommodate him, but she moaned all the same when his index and middle finger started to play skillfully with her clitoris. The sensations which went up along her spine were such as she did not pay any more attention to the kisses which he continued to place in her neck. Only one thing obsessed her.

-        “Take me”, she breathed, her eyes closed.

His hands removed her underwear then left the battlefield to throw themselves on the buckle of his belt and, a battement of eyelashes later, he penetrated her with energy. Pressed against her, his head coiled in the nap of her neck, his hands cramped to her asses, he began his comings and goings with an almost bestial ardor. Devoured by the waves of pleasure which pulsed in all her body and which threatened to make her capsize, her thighs rolled up around these hips which hammered her intimacy not without delight, she clung as she could to the jacket of her benefactor who growled in her ear. She soon reached the stage of the escalation, where each thrust amplified the power of the fire which rolled in her veins, leading her irremediably until the final explosion. Her breathing became shorter, her muscles tensed, her back arched to further facilitate these desirable intrusions. A rattle of ecstasy flowed in her auditory canal at the same time as a burning wave poured in her vagina. A firework imploded then in her cavity, tearing her a cry of incoercible pleasure.

               Panting, they remained in each other’s arms for a while to catch their breath and get their heart rate down, then separated. Aaron, a little embarrassed, put his clothes back on without daring to look up at her, and then went to get her pants. He handed them to her with the air of a little boy caught in the act and gave her a shy smile. His partner laughed softly and kissed him on the mouth before dressing decently.

-        “Sorry about the suit,” she said as she readjusted her bra.

-        “It’s okay,” he replied, pouring himself a glass of water.

She presented him the cup which was close to her and he filled it with a trembling hand. They drank in silence while raising their eyes towards each other, like two new lovers who would have experimented a new position.

-        “What happened?” she finally asked, curious.

-        “We went with the SWAT to a hostage situation in a warehouse. I… I was negotiating with the responsible of the whole thing, so the SWAT could surround him without him noticing, when one of the guys kicked a screwdriver, he said, rolling his eyes. The guy didn’t appreciate the trick and fired in my direction. I saw the bullet go by my head.”

-        “So, I owe this very pleasant moment to a clumsy SWAT guy?”

-        “Must be a trainee.”

Haley burst out laughing and Aaron smiled again. She put her cup on the table and snuggled into her husband’s chest after drying her hands. He took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head.

-        “Thank you,” she said, crossing her fingers that the miracle would finally happen.

All the conditions were perfectly reunited. Was she going to tell him? Maybe later, in the privacy of their bridal room. Unless she kept this information from him, in order to tell him only the final result. Well, she still had time to think about it a little.

I'm the anon who sent you the long message that apparently came off "pompous & infantilizing" and more to your followers.

I find it interesting that that message sparked such a flood of defenders, when I did not send it in bad faith at all. From your answer it seems I'm lacking context so sorry if I took some of your statements the wrong way, but nonetheless I just found the parental love addition strange and reacted to that, that was all there was to it. I clearly stated (three times) I'm not taking any issue with your headcanons.

By saying they are far removed from canon I did not mean to say they are "too unrealistic" or something is wrong with that, I literally said the opposite. I meant just that, that factually, this will not be a common interpretation for someone who is familiar with the source material but not your blog. This is not a statement that I made with any judgemental value and I thought I made that very clear but apparently not.

So I'm sorry for the additional ask.

Have a nice day.

Thank you for the response.

I was fully aware you said there was no issue with what I drew, but the way you wrote everything else sort of negated that statement. At least that's how me and many other people saw it.

If someone finds what I drew strange or confusing then they could always just... block me or ask me about it (and btw I expected people to be confused, otherwise I wouldnt have labeled it "non-coupling" as soon I posted it lol)

Someone did ask me about it, and you seem to have already seen that response, yet you still felt the need to send another message basically implying that an explanation wasn't enough (turns out it actually wasnt enough because people said I was lying and in denial) and that my explanation was weird too? Which is whatever I already ended up clarifying that, English is not my first language and I type things with the help of a translator (I wish people could actually keep this in mind. I only type in English because it'll reach a wider audience and it's the language most of my followers know. Often I have to google words people tell me online, or I ask my friends fluent in English to explain things for me)

You can say "that's not what I intended" but that's how it came across... you wrote a lot of nice words while also saying it was understandable that people were ganging up on me over a drawing, it seemed patronizing.

That's why me and others took offense to it, but I think it's difficult to tell tone through text so I don't want to keep nitpicking this any further. If you say you had no ill intent then I believe you.

The following will just be me adding more context and not necessarily aimed at you: Again I understand the lack of context of my account can make people confused about my art, Ive made that clear many times.

The art I made where I said "if your parents didnt love you then it's obvious" was a direct response to people who were mocking me specifically for tagging the art as "non-coupling" because they didnt believe me. They got the context and decided I was trying to hide a fetish because a kiss on the cheek was "obviously shippy". They proceeded to compare this to drawing NSFW of Mob and Reigen by labelling it "non-ship" as if it was comparable to tucking a child into bed, that's what upset me. I did absolutely nothing to these people, I dont know them, if they said this privately I wouldnt care but it was public, and they also targeted another friend of mine for no reason.

All Im gonna say is that my drawing shouldnt have caused this much controversy in the first place. I labeled it "non-coupling" as soon as I posted it, which should've been enough honestly. It's not like I posted porn or anything like that, I got the idea from something Ive experienced in my family as a teenager and I could easily google stock images of the exact same scenario to use as reference, like I really didnt think it was that bad.

Anyways I think I've explained myself many times already. Im not gonna be hostile and say to people "roh t9awed dont ever send me anything else related to this" but just.. check if Ive already answered your question so that it doesnt end up being repetitive. If you have a question about this that I havent answered yet, then feel free to ask.

I think about my identity in the context of Omegaverse a lot- I've always struggled with it, but recently, I've had even more thoughts.

I've always (for as long as I've known what omegaverse is) identified as an omega.

But what tends to mess with my self-perception is that I've always been some flavour of demisexual at the very least, even without the sexual trauma that has just caused me to be even more avoidant and scared of intimacy.

Topics of sexuality/libido, sex, etc below, NSFW. Kink mentions, sexual trauma mentions, also mentions of past abusive partners etc. It's just a long ramble

And, sometimes I wonder, am I aromantic? Demiromantic? I don't think I am, but at the same time, while I experience crushes and strong emotions, every relationship I've been in has usually been shadowed by this sense of, it always seems like I'm far more detached and independent than the other person is.

Maybe it's a neurodivergency thing- but I'm usually perfectly happy without constant connection to a partner. I actually like to have plenty of my own alone time where I can be alone. I enjoy stuff like cuddling and affection, but I don't feel like I need constant displays of care/affection, especially verbal. I don't feel the need to be constantly messaging a partner if it's long distance. I struggle to say the word "love" (though this could probably be trauma as well). I find myself disinterested and passive fairly often, especially when a partner is trying to get something from me (whether it be affection, sex, etc- I feel like it becomes a chore when it's being demanded of me). I don't need constant hourly updates on their daily life, nor do I necessarily feel the need to check in on them myself, especially not as often as my past partners have insisted on checking in with me (at minimum once every 30-60minutes). To me it's usually just a given that they're probably fine, they've been fine before I was in their life so why would they not be, when I am in their life? That type of logic. I hope I don't sound callous or unfeeling, because it's not that- I genuinely do care very much, and feel very deeply for people, but maybe the way I express or show it is just... wrong, or dysfunctional, or not there, the way it should be.

And idk, I just often feel a little broken, in some way, as an omega. I'm quite passive and struggle to show emotion. I desire to have a romantic partner because I do know I at least experience crushes and aesthetic/visual attraction, and I enjoy many aspects of a relationship of that sort- the companionship, the emotional value, the easily available physical comfort of cuddles and such, and so on. But, at the same time, I feel broken. I can't tell if all my partners have actually just been super obsessive over me, or if I'm the problem and don't care enough, somehow.

My libido is also actually very low, and honestly, I prefer to take care of my own needs myself because sex with a partner usually has just felt like a chore where I need to look and sound sexy and make a partner feel nice. Honestly I hate to admit it even though they were abusive and it shouldn't bother me to say it, but like, 90% of my orgasms with my previous long-term partner irl were fake. A part of it was bc they would act all self-deprecating and pitiful and question if I even found them attractive or wanted to be with them at all and that's why I wasn't able to cum (no, idiot, I have a lot of sexual and sex-related trauma, that's why!!) But I think another part was just... it mostly felt like something I needed to act to "play my part" so that I could complete this "chore". My mind also usually wandered and I struggled to stay "in the mood" to begin with, usually I would be thinking about mundane things or daydreaming instead of actually being in the moment. To some extent, sensory deprivation play helps with that, but that's not always viable, especially when my partners have usually been ones with insanely high libidos (which I mean, should have been a red flag from the start since it did end up with me feeling coerced/coaxed into sex on multiple occasions, but I can't blame their toxic traits on it since it was ultimately me who didn't speak up and say no, and I was too cowardly to break up despite this obvious incompatibility (among others))

Iirc I've always somewhat identified with the demisexual/demiromantic labels, ever since I started discivering my own sexuality. But I always wonder how much of it is a reaction that's caused by trauma and distrust and me being neurodivergent, and how much is actually just my sexuality. I think I've never really been able to explore it because I've never actually felt safe, even with past partners who technically did 'care', and wanted me to feel safe, but would emotionally manipulate me if I struggled with it (again, "why don't you trust me, do you hate me, am I evil and horrible, why don't you feel safe with me? Am I not good enough??" Type bs, and I hate that it worked on me back then). Idk, now I'm getting to an age where most people my age have a long-term partner already and I'm kinds just used to being single and such, and even though I want romance, the whole idea of letting anyone close enough to get to know me is actually just so daunting that I wonder if it's better I just give up on dating entirely, especially since omegaverse puts a LOT of emphasis on mates and mating. I'm not a believer in fated pairs either, not since an abuser used a similar concept to manipulate me into staying with them multiple times

Honestly I can't remember where I was going with this. I think I just had thoughts and needed to express them somehow? Idk. But, anyway. Sorry for the random rant, especially if you read the whole thing- it's a lot of text and quite disjointed and disorganized, and I don't really even have a takeaway or conclusion or main point to any of this

Chapter 372 Leak Reactions

Keep in mind this is just based off of the spoilers. Of course some things are subject to change as the official translation comes out:

On the Mutant Discrimination Allegory:

No, the drawing of irl comparisons didn't come out of nowhere, so I don't agree with people saying this plot point is a surprise. I'm sorry but you can't see something like the CRC (mask wearing, discriminating terrorists who refer to themselves as a Clan, who targeted and hunted people of a certain demographic, come on) and refuse to acknowledge it for what it is. That doesn't make the comparison go away.

I've said it before, but whether or not it was a good idea to include the comparison is left up to personal opinion. I'm not here to say whether it was a good idea or not. Especially because many, myself included, saw this coming from miles away for Spinner and it WAS NOT just *shocking* for it to appear here. However, the execution is where it really matters.

I don't want to cry wolf now and say it's all doomed. But I have got to say that the handling of this plot point is not exactly looking as promising as say, Shigaraki's, Touya's, or Toga's. My concern is not that the message will be "racism and discrimination is fine guys!", that is not my concern at all and that is not what is happening. My concern lies with the message behind how people who face these issues should react. Yes this is fiction and no it's not going to actually change or affect shit out here in reality, butttttt--

So far the way it's been handled is--Mutants: "Discrimination is happening to the point that we have been massacred. The current system ignores those of us who are out of eye sight and aren't easily spotted in the crowds within the big cities. We aren't protected under any circumstances and now we're raising hell to bring attention to our grievances." Shouji: "You're attacking a hospital which has nothing to do with your--our--cause. You're reacting in a way that isn't going to help and making us look bad." Mutants: "You're right, actually. We'll stop in our tracks. Our minds are changed. Forget everything we were mad about just a few seconds ago."

😐

Look, Shouji isn't necessarily wrong for saying "wtf is attacking a hospital going to do". I mean yeah, what IS it going to do, besides piss a bunch of people off, hurt a bunch of people who more than likely had nothing to do with the experiences they've endured, and also people who can't defend themselves due to being hospitalized, you know. And honestly that writing decision in itself can be something people can and possibly should criticize, and I have seen people point out how it royally sucks that a group has a good cause to fight for but are written to do something as pointless as attacking a damn hospital for no reason and therefore, it's hard to root for their actions (within the story, please remember that's what I'm talking about). I get that. But what I can't seem to grasp is how everyone who was so dead set on making some noise and racket to voice their pain suddenly stopped in their tracks. They've been pushed to the brink and to the point that they were willing to put their lives on the line basically for this, and now they just...stop after a lack luster talking to. I'm....still grasping that idea. I need some time to process wtf the thinking behind this is. Either full translations clear it up, the proceeding chapters clear it up (which I won't deny is definitely a possibility), or it just sucks and this is what we have (also a possibility).

No, I don't think this is the end of this talking point in the manga. Like yeah I do think future chapters will provide more for us to look at, round the issue out more hopefully. But man, currently, big yikes.

Spinner and what all is going on with him:

The one win I will take from this chapter is being right about how fucking ominous this sequence from chapter 341 was:

I felt this way for a while about this panel. I don't hide how much I despise the "Spinner will save the day!" takes, specifically the "Spinner will save Shigaraki and the League" takes, but putting that bias aside (or trying to), when chapter 341 dropped and it ended on that panel I got the most ominous fucking feeling about whatever it was implying for future events.

On the surface, YEAH Spinner you'll be his hero! You'll totally be that for him! Because you care about him and want to make sure he reaches his dreams of destroying everything! Haha totally, that's good for both of you.

But really looking at the context of when that was said, who said it, and what happened before and after it was said--there was nothing hopeful about the framing of it.

And god bless finally we got pay off from it. FINALLY.

It's under horrible circumstances, expectedly. The panels of Spinner are sad--a lot like Shigaraki, he looks less and less and less like himself. Nothing he is doing currently is helpful to him or to Shigaraki, which is truly the big clap back of his choices to follow AFO blindingly under the interest of pursuing a destroyed world promised by Shigaraki.

AFO--the big bad--is the one who told Spinner about his role as a hero. He told him he'd be a hero to Shigaraki--the person AFO is torturing--by doing what AFO says. Spinner ignores what he thinks--which is that something is off about Shigaraki (and there is)--and does exactly what AFO wants. And now that notion of him being the hero is brought up again. The context is not good.

Continuing on further though--Spinner looking back at his life, the panels of him running free and being happy are heart breaking tbh. And it looks bad bad bad. It feels like a "reflect on your life before you die" type of moment for him, but I still am holding onto the ending I feel is more likely where he is fine along with everyone else. Seriously.

But it's sad, still. And I am holding out for a happy ending for him along with the others.

And his arc is weird where there is the personal internal conflict that doesn't directly have much to do with the outer conflict he is dealing with--you know, the discrimination issue. I'm not sure exactly how the story is going to tie them both into each other. His lack of self-worth ties in neatly with his past, but his friendship memory of Shigaraki last chapter, and the spooky ominous memory of what AFO said this chapter, don't mix in with it very well. So I'm wondering how they'll intertwine and come to a point at the end.

FCG: HONESTLY THE LAST FEW WEEKS HAVE BEEN A BLUR TO ME, JUST NON STOP YELLING AT MYSELF, HAGGLING WITH PAST AND FUTURE KNUCKLEHEADS, KILLING MONSTERS AND SOLVING PUZZLES, CYCLING THROUGH ALL THE GATES AND PLANETS LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES, ZIGZAGGING DOWN TO THE BATTLEFIELD, OUT TO THE VEIL, OVER TO PROSPIT, BACK TO DERSE, AND ON AND ON AND ON LIKE THAT UNTIL WE THOUGHT WE WON.

Seems like a typical session is pretty hectic. Karkat even spent time on Derse, which I didn’t expect, but maybe he needed to help awaken some Dream Selves. 

I’d love to get a proper look at the ‘standard’ Sburb campaign. Hivebent can’t last forever, so we’re inevitably getting an abridged version. 

CGA: It Seems Like A Logical Way To Engineer A System Wherein One Simultaneously Functions As The Reader And Author Of The Transcripts CGA: Its Temporally Sound Construction

Karkat’s about to invent Project Trolling - but Kanaya, not to be outdone, is about to invent ConversationWithAVeryStupidGirl.Txt.

FCG: HELL YOU PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER MAID OF TIME THAN THE ONE WE WERE STUCK WITH. [...] CGA: I Think We Are Given Roles To Challenge Us CGA: That Dont Necessarily Suit Our Strengths

As far as I can tell, Titles aren’t universally suited to their bearers - but neither are they universally unsuited. Kanaya’s having trouble settling into her role as the team’s Sylph - but Terezi’s a born Seer of Mind, and was acting as such, long before the session began. 

Kanaya calls the Titles challenging, but you can be challenged by a role you’re perfectly suited to. Rose’s inquisitive personality makes her a good fit for a Seer, but ‘seeing’ what went wrong with her session is still a huge, ongoing challenge for her. 

FCG: SO WHAT PROMPTED YOU TO RESPOND ANYWAY. [...] CGA: Its Such A Silly Question FCG: RED OR BLACK?

lmao, Karkat’s been fielding questions like this since the session began. He knows what the fuck is up. 

Plus, he’s from weeks in Kanaya’s future, so he probably knows exactly what she’s talking about. 

FCG: I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S READING. FCG: DID YOU NOTICE ANYONE ELSE JOIN IN LATER? CGA: No CGA: It Appeared To Be Just The Two Of Us FCG: SEE FCG: NOBODY CARES ENOUGH TO BOTHER. CGA: I Dont Know Whether Thats Reassuring CGA: Or Just A Bit Disheartening FCG: WELL I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT. FCG: THEIR DISINTEREST IS MORE A REFLECTION ON ME THAN YOU.

Karkat isn’t performing anger, here. He’s genuinely angry at his situation, but he’s not making it Kanaya’s problem - which I think says a lot about the strength of their friendship. 

As a result, I think this is most authentic Karkat has ever been. He’s still grumpy in this conversation, because that’s just his nature, but he’s also thoughtful, introspective and empathetic. Alternia probably doesn’t value these traits, so he’s not really encouraged to display them, unless he’s giving quadrant advice - or unless the troll he’s talking to is as weird as he is. 

Kanaya isn’t above a little trolling - she can certainly return fire - but she doesn’t antagonize people just for kicks. Karkat, recognizing a kindred spirit, affords her the same rare courtesy. 

CGA: Shes Not Even Responding To My Messages Anymore CGA: Could Be Busy CGA: But Im Rapidly Approaching A Resolution To Discard The Preposterous Infatuation

You’re too good for Vriska, who I assume you’re still hung up on. Discard her!

CGA: How About CGA: If I Agree To Consult With You About It In Private CGA: We Can Drop It Here CGA: Before You Crack Me Like A Vault CGA: With Your Weird Romance Sleuthing Acumen FCG: ALRIGHT, DEAL.

What the hell, Kanaya! Stop bonding over romantic advice, and start teaching yourselves to hate trolling each other! 

You’re an angry and violent race! Act like it, for Empire’s sake!

FCG: OVER THE COURSE OF THIS ADVENTURE, AT TIMES I ACTUALLY BEGAN TO SUSPECT I WAS MY OWN KISMESIS. FCG: HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT???

Mildly, but I understand why you’d reach that conclusion. 

The quadrants prime you to treat all negative emotions as potential blackrom - and, thanks to time travel, you’re capable of interacting with yourself as if you’re a different troll, whom you happen to hate. 

CGA: And What Of Scarlet Ambitions CGA: Fare Any Better In That Quadrant FCG: NO NO NO I'M NOT AIRING THAT SHIT OUT HERE. FCG: MAYBE PRIVATELY. FCG: IT'S PRIVATE.

I can only assume he’s talking about Terezi - but I really thought he was seeing a black romance with her. Maybe he’s undecided. 

So I decided to take up the challenge of a non-PatP criticism of Princess and the Popstar, and correct me if I’m wrong bc it’s been a while, but did they ever truly explain why that crystal-looking royal plant was important to the kingdom? Like it looks magic but it’s not properly delved into as far as what it does. Why is the royal family trusted with protecting it soooo heavily? It would’ve made sense if part of the plot was that it’s a lifeline for the kingdom but slowly withering (maybe from neglect on early-movie Tori’s part?) and that could’ve been what was causing the “drought” (which even as a kid I knew was a ridiculous boiled down metaphor for the recession irl) and it’s fixed by the end. Also feels like the villain is kinda disconnected from everything else in this one, can’t even really remember them at all.

OMG yes thank you this is exactly the kind of stuff I wanted to see.

So, the Diamond Gardenia unfortunately isn't explained all that much during the movie. All we know is what Tori tells Keira: It's 500 years old, grows real diamonds, blooms every 5 years and helps "pay for schools and, y'know...stuff". I like how they write this explanation from Tori's POV since she's doesn't really know/care yet about royal duties at this point in the story. However, it does come at the expense of the audience not getting the full picture of how important it is. I mean, sure, we don't need to be spoon-fed everything, but a little more info would help. We can still piece together that the first rules of Mirabella probably built the castle around the Gardenia and used its diamonds to help the kingdom get started. But like who appointed the first royal family to protect it? And then it had to stay a secret, but how did EVERYONE in the royal family keep it secret for 500 years? Was Tori REALLY the first to tell someone outside of that circle?

And yes I TOTALLY agree on Crider feeling tacked on. The message of the movie and all the actually interesting and fun stuff come from Tori and Keira's storylines and how they intersect and learn from switching roles with each other. Crider as an antagonist is fine, I guess, but this story didn't necessarily NEED a villain. to take down. The real pleasure comes from the girls learning that they're lucky to be who they are and that sparking changes in how they He would've worked just as well as just an annoying manager that talks too much about his own glory days.

I like your idea of the plant being a lifeline for the whole kingdom, especially since the movie already shows that it basically is. When Crider cuts the roots, everything else withers. I think having it slowly dying on its own would have worked better. Getting hints of it in the background, like say when Tori and Keira leave the room after getting caught, would help to build a tension that lingers in the back of the audience's mind, only to be distracted again by the fun musical numbers. It could work well with Tori's perspective, like she notices that something is slightly off but then her attention redirects back to "I get to be my favorite popstar for a day!".

You made some good points!

I have been left on a cliffhanger, and now I understand in some small measure how people felt in the gap between MAG 185 and 186. What a great cliffhanger tho, with Jon phasing out and Martin nodding along till he realizes he's alone and the tape ends.

Quick commentary tho on the actual content of today's three eps: 

I find that most statements in S5 this far have generally fallen in one if two categories: the ones that are there for the "message" and the ones to help push along elements of the plot. Generally there wasn't much overlap in the first half of the season, but now that we're pushing into the endgame there's def some more overlap occurring. Admittedly MAG 183 (Monument) falls more into the former than the latter category but we do get the introduction of Martin's "personal journey" plot arc leading up to the entrance of London. But more to the point, I enjoyed Monument in part because having gone through a Bachelor's degree in Physics at a smaller state University, you tend to bump into at least one or two of the type of people that were stuck in the Monument. Admittedly, none of the professors I knew were ever that cartoonishly prideful, but there was always that one female Dr. who would give out reprimands if she was ever addressed as anything else if you messed up more than once. But also not to say that professors and doctors who are that cartoonishly prideful don't exist, just means I was lucky enough to have never met them while I was in school. I will say, seemed a *bit* sexist to imply all the academically prideful wankers in the tower were all men, but I get it; most people who go to those lengths for their academic careers generally *are* men and particularly those who would fear being so very very wrong... Well I get. I don't agree, but I get it.

Now that I've alienated my audience, MAG 184 (Like Ants) is almost serendipitous in relation to MAG a day: two Corruption statements in one day? what’re the odds? But in any case, this was a great set up for revealing Jon's other major power relating to other people in the apocalypse... Upgrading people from Watched to Watcher. You may ask, "if Jon's trying to be better, why would he curse someone to Avatarhood?" Well for a lot reasons, most of which he explains in the episode, but I think a reason that was too... Basic? To be spoken would be he was curious to see what would happen exactly and wanted to give the gift to someone he cared about personally. Listen, this man has been asking questions since we met him and after he Became it got 10 times worse. Even in the Apocalypse he's been asking questions it's just now he has instant access to all the answers that the Eye has. So do you really think Jon, if given the choice between less guilt and getting his questions answered, would ever actually choose "less guilt"? Thank for listening to my TED talk.

Gosh, I loved though how *finally* Martin seems to be realizing at least a little where Jon's coming from. Yeah yeah, unlawful detainment, Jonny feeling the need to apologize for it getting too real... Listen it's appreciated but hilariously enough it was a "bit too real" with war flashback central back in 163. Anyways, back in topic, 185 was great because Martin finally connects the dots on why Jon isn't smiting everything he sees and why he hasn't been raising everyone they bump into to Avatarhood. Why the domains perpetuate even without a guiding hand and what happens when they are *truly* removed of their foundational fear.

But what interests me more is how Martin tries to decide whether the inspector should be "lifted up". Martin has always tried to make the world a better place after the end, and it's interesting that he seems to think that that means people should strive to be better people to do so. Not happier, not necessarily less Fearful, but going ever towards a world where Love outweighs Fear as a grand whole. So when given the choice of potentially lessening one man's suffering but forcing him to instead subsist on the suffering of others, he asks Jon whether the man would enjoy that new existence of living on other people's suffering? Jon basically says yes, based on the man's previous behaviour and outlook before the apocalypse, he more than likely would, and so Martin judges the man and tells Jon to leave him. So instead of lessening the man's suffering but ultimately encouraging him to be a worse person by "rewarding" his previous bad behavior and allowing him to feel good about hurting other people; Martin chooses to keep that man in suffering so that when him and Jon eventually save the world, he can come out of it potentially having realized that what he had been doing was wrong because had had suffered like that himself.

Martin, in this choice, has learned that him and Jon have basically been given the power of deities: to judge if someone is worthy of less suffering, and then to make it so they have greater responsibility, if a similarly miserable existence. Martin has made the choice that he would rather people do not live if they are to subsist off the suffering of others, particularly if they enjoy it. And if I've heard the rumors about the next episode correctly, Martin will discuss with himself the full implications of his world view to their logical conclusion and I actually can't wait to discuss it.

EDIT: I revised the MAG 184 section a bit because I had forgotten (somehow) that Timothy Hodge and Jordan Kennedy were two very different people lmfaooooo.

Thoughts on Cipher Academy chapter 15

...I have important things I should be doing instead of writing this post, but if I don’t, it’s going to bother me. I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday evening when I read the chapter. (spoilers for the chapter, I guess?)

So! Iroha came to a different killer than what we readers know from the previous chapter. Which means either he is wrong... either, as tokiro07 suggested, the in-game Iroha information is false.

I don’t think the card info is false, but it can be wrong- as in, in-game Iroha thinks he is the killer. Could be a misleading case of “Iroha fought with the victim, she fell unconscious, Iroha left the scene, and the true culprit passed by and used the opportunity to kill the victim (for reasons unrelated to the spy).” I don’t know if it’s too early to say which one is the right answer, but we can at least look at Iroha’s reasoning. First off, the clue. ...I’m not talking about the 5-stars one, this one I won’t even attempt. I just looked up if the points could correspond to a braille message (notably, with the japanese braille alphabet), but some symbols just don’t work. Anyway, if Iroha didn’t solve it, then this code isn’t involved in his reasoning. But! The black card is interesting, knowing we’re in the photography club room. Photographic film is light sensitive, which is why it is processed in a dark room. You can even see, as Iroha turns off the lights, that there’s a second switch- likely, there’s something akin to a dark, red light mode to the room to process photos safely in. Could the 0-stars clue be... that the lights weren’t on when the crime occurred? Now, the words Iroha focused in. ...I went through some trouble trying to figure out which thoughts were his focus, before realising I could just switch back to double page mode. Anyway, here are the specific bubbles, without who said what (as Iroha specifically said he would forget about that). “The spy’s code name is either tempura or tenbin (scales).” “I heard the spy’s got a ton of morg!” “Seems like the victim drew pigtails with her own blood before she died.” “Seems like Waon was looking into Oboro’s background.” “The spy was wearing a pig mask.” “I decoded that the killer’s seat number is a single digit!” “Er, I mean, my answer about the murder weapon being one of kick-attack planning’s new weapons is correct, right?” “I heard that the killer fought back before she died and injured the victim’s left eye.” The bubbles Iroha waved away are mostly questions and skill uses, indeed stuff that clutter up the page but doesn’t necessarily tell us more about the case. ...if there’s some pun about code names, well, it might be hard for non-japanese reader to solve it. The spy having lot of morg seems unhelpful right now. If we had a way to determine which students don’t have much morg, maybe? Pigtails... Would be easy enough to draw even in a dark room, I assume. Is it actually pigtails, though, or a symbol that look like it? Is the fact the victim was bleeding something of note? It means an open wound, so no internal bleeding or concussion (or poison, but if the killer fought back that was unlikely anyway). Waon looking into Oboro’s background isn’t helpful to us, but it might means Iroha-as-Oboro is going to be interrogated soon. As far as others are concerned, the spy and the killer are the same person, so using the two interchangeably are normal from them. Could the victim have written this clue after being attacked? Seems unlikely, as we already have the pigtails clue. Either way, both Iroha’s and Oboro’s seat numbers (1 and 3) are single digit. As far as Iroha (out of game) is concerned, the clue was for Oboro’s seat number, and he doesn’t have to take it into account for the true killer- or at least that seems the reasonable assumption to make. (Shokuho’s seat number is 19, so two digits). ...I’m not sure whether I understand what’s that ‘kick-attack planning’s new weapons’ about. Do they mean a weapon that is activated via a planned kick-attack? Is ‘kick-attack planning’ a name for a weapon’s manufacturer? If it’s the former, it implies the killer has good enough flexibility for it, I suppose? We know the victim fought back- and injured the victim’s left eye. Would the culprit be one of those whose eyes are covered? (There was no mention on Iroha’s in-game info sheet that his left eye was injured, so... double culprit theory clue?) I intentionally skipped on one sentence: “The spy was wearing a pig mask.” We have to assume that rather than ‘spy’, it’s the ‘killer’ we’re talking about- nobody is wearing a pig mask consistently, so it’s a ‘at the moment of the crime’ info. It’s interesting using this information with the other clues. If the room was indeed dark, a mask would hinder visibility by a lot, wouldn’t it? The victim drew pigtails in her own blood- if the killer indeed wore a mask, then likely the only feature she could distinguish was the hair- or at least the form of it is the room was dark. If we’re assuming the clue is really about pigtails, and not code for something else- it means the killer has hair long enough to pull into pigtails, probably? (I know one classmate wears pigtails. I think on the opposite, this clue means it’s less likely to be her, as it would be too obvious). If the victim did injure her killer’s left eye... How did she do that with the pig mask? It’s not exactly a foolproof protection but it makes it harder to do so. (Especially if the room was indeed in the dark- come on, it’s have to be what’s the 0 star clue is about, it’s 0 star, it doesn’t ask for through thinking). Alternatively, it could be misleading- the victim thought she injured the killer in the left eye, but turns out with the mask they’re fine. (Interestingly, the pig mask information comes from Shokuko-played-by-Otamajakushi, which player Iroha seems to think is the culprit.) So, how did Iroha determined the culprit? ...No idea! I mean, it could be that he pondered about the clues so far, and went “This one doesn’t makes sense, it has to be a lie. It came from X, so she must be lying to cover the murder”. (In which case, I think the pig mask info might be the reason?) Or it could just be analysing the clues by themselves. Who has long hair (and hairbands), eyes hidden, is fit enough for a kick-attack(?), plenty of morg, and a name that could fit into a tempura/tenbin pun? (Shokuko has a long ponytail, could hide an injured eye with her hat, and is “Nohime Clan’s houseguest”, so probably highly valued).

Guess we just have to wait and see, uh.