#when I dressed up for my birthday like I was going to a rave lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mybillyhardgrove · 3 years

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The Language of Love s.h.

A/n: another one! love language is such an endearing idea to me… plus, I need to show steve more love lol

ps. i mentioned watching movies too much lmao

Disclaimer: i don’t own any Stranger Things material

Word count: 3125

Warnings: a couple curses (par for the course at this point)

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader (female)

Summary: after being with Steve for a while, it has become clear how he shows his love for you

Words of Affirmation

You couldn’t stop shaking your leg or gnawing on the skin of your bottom lip on the drive over to the Wheeler’s house. You looked over at Steve when you heard him laugh a bit under his breath. “What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing, nothing.” You nudged his shoulder a bit, whining that he share what was so amusing. He sighed, glancing over and resting his hand on your thigh before returning his eyes to the road. “I just think it’s cute how wound up you are to meet a bunch of kids. You can relax, they are not hard to impress.” The entire party was meeting at the Wheeler’s to watch The Neverending Story and it would be the first time you met them all. Of course you’d seen your boyfriend talking with them from time to time and you knew Billy, Nancy, and Jonathan from school, so you knew something about their younger siblings, but this was a different circumstance altogether. You thought you might be more nervous than when you met Steve’s parents.

“This is important, Steve. I mean, these kids are practically your children the way you talk about them, and I want to fit in, make sure they like me. You love them and I love you, so I really want this night to go well.” You took a deep breath, getting worked up again and grabbing his hand from your leg, squeezing it tight.

After a few minutes, he pulled his car to the curb outside the house and turned to you. You looked towards the first-floor window and saw the kids all gathered in the dining room, laughing and wrestling. Oh boy.

Steve reached over and put his fingers under your chin, turning your face towards him and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You’re gonna be great tonight. You are so funny and loving and sweet. Those idiots will love you as much as I do. Trust me, beautiful, just be yourself and everything will work out.”

And not to spoil anything, but it did. A few days later, Steve recounted over the phone how all the kids were raving about you and how cool, funny, nice, and pretty you were - just as he said they would.

Gifts

Ever since the first night you met them, you and the party were very close and they always invited you to everything they did. You accompanied them to the arcade from time to time, you helped El and Max get ready for the school dances, you gave the boys relationship advice, and you were even attending the Christmas party at the Byers’s house. Though it was usually you, Steve, and the kids getting together for impromptu hang-outs or some casual pizza nights, this evening involved everyone getting dressed up and bringing food, drinks, and their secret santa gifts.

You had received Max and took care to get her the specific skateboard she had been talking a lot about, information passed to you by Lucas. You gave the gift after being at the party for a couple hours and she jumped up and down, hugging you tightly and saying more than once how excited she was to try it out. After that success, you were riding high through appetizers and dinner, so glad your gift was a success and you were celebrating the holiday with those closest to you. When you had collected the plates for Mrs. Byers and finished washing them with her, you heard someone clear their throat behind you. You turned and saw your handsome boyfriend in a cozy sweater and khakis, hair brushed back neatly from his face.

“Hey, stranger.” You reached out your arms, slipping them around his waist and letting him pull you in tight.

Mrs. Byers shooed you two to the living room to be comfortable, “Honey, everything is all set here. Thank you for the help.” Steve released you, draping his arm over your shoulders and walking with you towards the couch. Once you were both settled, you tucked into his side, watching the kids exchanging more gifts, he pulled something from his back pocket. Passing it to you, he leaned his lips to your ear and whispered, “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.” You looked over with a smile, surprised he hadn’t let it slip that he got you for the secret santa (he wasn’t the best at keeping secrets usually). You sat up a bit more, tearing the neat paper from the gift, gasping when you saw what it was.

A small, ornate book filled with ticket stubs, receipts, polaroids, pressed flowers, and other mementos from your relationship. Your vision got blurry as you looked through each page, reading the little handwritten descriptions Steve had added. When you got to the last page, it said ‘To be continued’, which made you giggle despite how emotional you were. You closed it and held it close to your chest, turning and kissing Steve a few times before thanking him profusely. “Steve, this is beautiful. I love it so much. I can’t believe you put this all together and kept these things.” He placed his hand on your cheek, running his thumb under your eye to wipe a tear away before kissing you again.

“The kids helped me set it all up and organize it, but I had been keeping it all in a little box in the glove compartment of my car. I looked in there from time to time when I was having a shitty day, so I put it in this book for you to look at.” His cheeks were red from all the attention and the confession, which you thought made him so handsome.

You kissed him a couple more times before resting your head on his shoulder, finally realizing that all eyes were on you. Steve seemed to realize at the same time, so he said, “Alright, show’s over. Put the movie on already.” When the lights were turned down low and all attention was on the screen, he turned to you once more, whispering, “Merry Christmas. I love you.” And what a merry Christmas it was.

Acts of Service

It was your birthday and you were dreading it. Birthdays felt like a day of awkward encounters and attention you didn’t want, all while being reminded you were another year older. For most of high school, it seemed to be a letdown in a way because it fell on some random weekday and you did homework for the evening, instead of something fun or relaxing.

This year, however, would be different because of the one and only Steve Harrington. When you had explained your sentiments about birthdays to him a couple weeks earlier, he assured you he would change your mind. You argued that your family would be leaving you for the week and hadn’t even mentioned or apologized that they would be missing your birthday. After making you feel better, he wouldn’t say what he was planning, but he seemed to think it would excite you.

You were on the couch working on Math when you heard a knock at the front door. You rose, opening the door to see your boyfriend juggling three bags full of stuff. “Come in, come in. Do you need help?” He shook his head and shuffled past you, heading right for the kitchen and putting everything on the counter.

When he had done that, he ran to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and picking you off your feet, squeezing you tightly and kissing your neck a few times. “Happy birthday! Happy birthday!” He spun you around before setting you back on your feet. “Alright, I love you and this is all for you, but not yet. Please return to whatever you were doing and when you’re finished, you can… one second” and he rummaged through one of the bags with a frown before pulling out a VHS tape. “Here, this is your first gift. I grabbed it on the way over, so you can watch this while I do my thing in here. I will call you when I’m ready for you to see.” He turned you around and hit your backside, kicking you out of the kitchen and back to your place on the couch.

You were confused, but knew he had things handled and had been over enough to know where everything was, so you got back to work.

When you had finished, you played the movie and tried to ignore all the mumbling, clanks, and shuffling you could hear from the kitchen. At one point, you thought you heard him go upstairs, but ignored it. Then, after a little over an hour of that, Steve came back into the living room, announcing that he had cooked you your favorite dinner and the table was set for you to eat. “While you were watching the movie, I also took the time to clean the kitchen and your bedroom, all sparkly clean. I would like to say I saw your Christmas gift album up there, as well, which makes me very happy. Anyway, happy birthday.” He looked rather pleased with himself and you admitted you were too with all he had managed to accomplish in the time he had been over.

He offered his arm to you and escorted you to a beautiful dinner illuminated by a few candles and enjoyed the delicious food and meaningful conversation with your thoughtful and caring boyfriend.

“This is perfect, Steve, thank you. I think I am starting to like birthdays.” He did a little celebration dance in his seat. You laughed at his silliness, heart swelling with how grateful you really were and how much you loved him.

“Well, get ready because I also made dessert.” Yeah, you really loved him.

Quality Time

The nature of your relationship with Steve was that you spent a lot of time together, whether just the two of you or surrounded by people. He was clingy (in the best way), craving your attention and affection. He cuddled, hugged, and kissed you more times than you could count each time you were together, so you would say every time you were together was meaningful and special. If you both had your ways, you would spend all your time together, but the need for money outweighed those wishes.

Steve had been working at Scoops Ahoy, but after everything in the mall, he and Robin began working at a movie rental place. You were not lucky enough to work with them, working instead at a pizza place that was always loud and always filled with rude teens and entitled adults. Your only time of solace was your hour lunch break, which you took each day at the same time. This was so Steve would know when to stop by. Usually, you ate a couple slices or walked to the strip mall across the street to grab something quick, but this time, Steve said he had lunch handled. When he said that, you frowned and tried to ask what he meant, but he wouldn’t elaborate, so you let it go.

Looking at the clock, it was finally time for you to get some fresh air and spend time with your boyfriend before returning to work again. You pushed open the door, bell jingling, and waited out front for the flash of Steve’s deep red car. After a few seconds of scouting the lot, you found it, parked a few spaces away, Steve smiling at you and waving through the windshield once he saw you approaching.

He got out to meet you at the front of his car, pressing a kiss to your lips and rubbing your back. “How is it going today, sweet cheeks?” You laughed at his silly nickname and explained that it was relatively quiet, fewer phone calls and customers than usual. “Oh, that’s great. The day will fly by and I’ll come pick you up when it’s all over.” He put up a finger to signal you to wait where you were, opening the back door and leaning in to grab a basket and a blanket. “In the meantime, I packed a little picnic for us because I remember how you feel a little sick of all the shitty food we’ve had lately. There are some sandwiches, chips, cookies, and sodas.” Steve placed the basket in your hands, a pleased smile on his pink lips. You never got over how thoughtful he was, always taking care of you. It reminded you of your birthday dinner and how much care he took to make it special for you.

“Thank you, honey. This is perfect. Where should we eat?” He grabbed your hand and brought you to the back of his little car, laying the blanket across the back and took the basket back from you. He put his hands on your hips, squeezing a little before lifting you on the back, making sure you were comfortable before pulling the lunch from the basket, explaining everything and kissing your cheek.

You spent the next hour talking and eating. While he was telling a funny story that involved Robin and a rude customer, you just looked at him - his soft hair, doe eyes, smooth skin, pink cheeks, full lips, and freckles, admiring how beautiful he looked. “And then, she said that he should… is there something on my face?” He stopped talking, rubbing his fingers across his mouth and chin, confused why you were staring at him. You laughed and grabbed his hands, kissing him and leaning your forehead against his.

“There is nothing on your face, Steve. I love you and how much time we spend together. This was a wonderful lunch. Thank you.” You kissed his cheek and encouraged him to finish the story before you had to pack up and return to work.

Physical Touch

Another Friday night with the party, another movie. This time, it was at your house. Since Steve started his new job, it had been even easier for you all to figure out the newest and most popular movies to try. After some arguing, the kids had chosen to watch Gremlins, which would not have been your first choice, but you didn’t want to get involved in the complicated debating. In the end, it wouldn’t matter because on these nights, you and Steve usually ended up whispering together or making snacks as the rest were entranced by the screen.

Max and El looked over at you, asking if you wanted to sit with them on the little mountain of pillows and blankets they had set up in front of the couch the boys were sprawled out on. You smiled and joined them, getting comfortable with one of the large bowls of popcorn you had set out for everyone. You and the girls reached your hands in the bowl every once in a while as you waited for the movie to start. Once it started, you hopped up and shut off the light, looking over to make sure Steve was comfortable. His eyes were already on you and he had an exaggerated pout on his lips, arms crossed as he sat in the big armchair by himself. You shook your head with a grin and returned to the girls.

A little while into the movie, you realized the popcorn was finished and the candy was getting low, so you grabbed all the bowls and quietly slipped into the kitchen, grabbing the makings to replenish everything. After beginning to pour the M&Ms into the bowl, Steve joined you, wrapping his arms around your stomach from behind and swaying you both a bit. “You ditched me. That wasn’t very nice of you.” He kissed your neck after that and you could feel he was a little lonely in that chair alone, despite being only a few feet from you.

You put the candy down, spinning in his arms and wrapping yours around his shoulders as he dropped his face into the crook of your neck. “The girls asked me to sit with them, Steve, sorry.” He grumbled against your skin, pulling you in tighter. You decided to indulge him as you were tired and snuggling into his lap seemed like a nice idea. “When we go back in there, I’ll tell the girls they can spread out more and I’ll sit with you in the armchair. Does that sound okay, you big baby?” You felt him smile and nod. He helped you finish refilling the bowls and carried them to the living room, setting them all by the kids to be devoured. You leaned over to Max and El, informing them of your seat change.

Standing back up, you saw Steve was on the chair and waiting for you to join him, a big blanket in his hand. You smiled and climbed on top of him, sitting with your legs curled up between his and your head against his shoulder. You shifted a little to make sure you were both comfortable and he pulled the blanket over you, wrapping you in his arms. After a couple minutes, you felt your eyes getting heavier with how warm and relaxed you were. Every few seconds, you felt light kisses pressed to your hair and his hand tracing your cheek. He whispered sweet nothings in your ear and it lulled you even closer to sleep. That was, until you heard some snickers and whispers. You lifted your head and saw that the boys on the couch and the girls on the floor were all looking at you, speaking in hushed voices behind their hands. Steve noticed too and frowned. “What the hell are you guys laughing at?” He said this lightly, already having a suspicion it had to do with the two of you.

Dustin answered. “Oh nothing, just that you two are showing a lot of PDA. Steve, you’re whipped.” With that, the kids all laughed, nodding and looking at you for a reaction. You snorted and lowered your head back down, closing your eyes and pressing them against Steve’s neck, letting him answer for you both. You wracked your brain and figured there must be plenty of times where you and Steve act like this in front of the party, so why was this so surprising?

“Oh shut up. Watch the movie.” Not the most graceful comeback, but you felt Steve’s chest vibrate with a laugh as he gestured towards the screen. You heard a few more laughs before attention was once again on the movie. He whispered, “What a bunch of idiots.” You smiled and Steve wrapped you up even tighter, rubbing your back as you fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

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bbrandy2002 · 3 years

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Happy Birthday Burnsy!

The Country AU -- I'm Gonna Live Where The Green Grass Grows

Pairing: Drake x Alyssa, Liam x Riley, and a whole host of other TRR characters.

A/N: This was a silly little idea I had months ago for an AU built around the places and people where I grew up. I never had plans to actually write it, but I mentioned it to Burns, and well ... she wanted it lol so here we are. And she’s already read half of this and is the one who made the mood board for it and the song inspo hahaha. Thank you to @mskaneko for the edits of our OTP’s, and @charlotteg234 for pre-reading the first half of this.

Trigger warning: Gun usage, hunting, mild language ... I think that’s it

@burnsoslow

My dearest friend, when I think back at where we were one year ago, I can’t help but be reminded of the vastly different world we live in now. On February 5, 2020, there was no covid keeping us sheltered and fearful, families were complete, jobs were stable, and so many of the things we worried about then simply pale in comparison to now, Life wasn’t so bad. But here we are with all these new changes and mindsets. Through it all, one thing remained consistent: YOU. You have been my strength, my rock, the anchor that grounded me. We have cried together, laughed a lot together, worried for each other, and celebrated those small victories that were important to each other. And I get so happy when someone comments about how much they love the friendship between Riley and Alyssa because it's the most real part of Fearless. If anyone ever wanted to know what we’re like, it's all written out in that story. I’ve got your back, and you have mine. You’re my best friend and I just love the hell out of ya! I hope your birthday is amazing and that this fic is everything you wanted for this AU.

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On Sunday mornings in southern Georgia, you did one of two things: You woke up early for church services or woke up late to watch NFL football.

Some people figured out a long time ago how to do both.

Sitting in the back pew of the First Cordonian Church of Everlasting Peace, Alyssa Walker sat quietly with the sweetest southern belle smile, nodding her head along to the beautiful words spoken during Pastor Hakim’s sermon and hiding a pair of earbuds lodged in each ear.

She and her husband, Drake, had laid claim to the pew when they were teens trying to sneak a kiss or two during prayers. After ten years of marriage, they no longer needed to sneak kisses but stayed in that same seat, believing the biggest sinners should stay as far away from the minister as possible. Why be the barrier that may prevent the spirit from reaching the rest of the congregation? The couple felt it was the least they could do.

They were actually pretty good folks and well respected in their community. Alyssa had taught first grade for eight years at the local elementary school, where her two children, nine-year-old Audrey and six-year-old Patrick, also attended. Her best friend since third grade, Riley, was the art teacher there.

Drake worked nearby as the lead mechanic at Rys and Sons Chevrolet out on North Ramsford Avenue. Constantine had owned the auto dealership for 35 years before passing it down to his sons, Leo and Liam, when he ran for and became the town's mayor. Leo peaced out, heading to South Florida, while Liam took on the sole responsibility of ownership himself.

And while most people in this sleepy little town of Cordonia were Falcons fanatics, Alyssa grew up rooting for the team where her parents were born and raised before settling in Georgia as newlywed lawyers: The Chicago Bears.

With the game against the Packers blaring into her ear, she kept a keen eye on the rest of her fellow parishioners. When they clapped, she clapped. When they sang, she sang. She raised her hands in hallelujahs when they did. She had learned to read lips and could “Amen” and “Praise God” right on cue with the rest of them. All the while, she sat in contentment, listening to her weekly football games.

“The score with 14 seconds left in the second quarter is Chicago -- 14, Green Bay -- 17. The Bears have the ball on the 5-yard line. It’s third and goal. If Trubisky can score here, they’ll go into the locker room at halftime with a lead for the first time in this game, or possibly tie it all up with a field goal after this down. This is a huge, HUGE play, Jim ...”

Alyssa twined her fingers together and lowered her forehead onto them as she waited with bated breath for the announcer to call the play-by-play. As far as anyone else knew, she was praying fervently for the Hebrews crossing the parted Red Sea away from Pharoah's army that the pastor was chronicling.

“And here comes the snap. Trubisky backs up. He tosses to Robinson in the end zone. OHHH! So close… batted away by Alexender …”

“JESUS!” Alyssa yelled out in anger. With earbuds in, she didn’t realize how loudly that just came out of her mouth. Drake nudged her in the thigh. She glanced over at him for a second before he nodded to the 123 pairs of eyes that had all turned at once in her direction. It instantly dawned on her that everyone in the congregation heard the outburst.

Feeling the color drain from her face, Alyssa placed a hand over her chest and addressed, “I am soooo into this sermon, Hakim. Woohoo! Go, Jesus, go!” She pumped her fist in the air like she was rooting him on.

Drake dropped his face onto Patrick’s shoulder, who was sitting on his lap, to cover the incessant laughter that threatened to spill out of him. He was doing a terrible job of it, as a momentary burst of muffled snickers could be heard through the sound of the game playing in Alyssa’s ear. Her husband was nothing but a big kid himself -- she wouldn’t change that for anything.

“Mommy,” Audrey whispered next to her. “It’s about Moses. Not Jesus.”

Alyssa smiled, patting her daughter’s knee. “Same thing, baby. They both performed miracles.” She cut her eyes to the phone hidden under the cardigan draped across her thighs. “And the Bears need a miracle right now, guys,” she muttered, “Part those shithead Packer’s defensive line, Lord. It’s time to help my Bears get to the promised land.”

“Going for it on fourth down, Trubisky drops back. The Packer defense is putting a lot of pressure on the Bear’s offensive line. Every man is covered in the end zone. He has no one to throw to, Jim. They’re running out of time. Four seconds left. And, NOOO, they sack Trubisky on the 10-yard line … WAIT THE BALL IS LOOSE … THE BALL IS LOOSE ... he fumbled the ball. The Packers are scrambling to get it. There are green and white jerseys all over that ball. BUT LOOK … Green Bay’s Klark picks it up. He’s running the other way … and he just slipped … he just slipped, and the football fell right into the hands of Chicago’s Robinson --”

Alyssa grabbed Drake’s thigh, her fingers digging deeply with hope and panic. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” her stressed words weren’t audible to the crowd, but they were speaking volumes in her heart.

“--Robinson’s on the 20, now 15, he’s sweeping past the defense to the 10 -- 5 -- TOUCHDOWN, CHICAGO!!!”

"FUCK YES!" Alyssa jumped up, her arms outstretched in a V shape. “Hallelujah. Holy shit. Thank ya, Jesus.” She let out a huge sigh of relief, feeling nothing short of elated, not concerned in the slightest by the heads that twisted around again.

Hakim stood slack-jawed from the raised platform for a moment, his tallish physique slouching on the pulpit, before adjusting the microphone and clearing his throat deeply. "I'm certainly glad, Sister Alyssa is ... feeling the spirit this morning."

"I am feeling it, Brother Hakim," She shook her head profusely. "I. Am. Feeling it." She shot him a dimpled grin.

Drake snorted loudly, covering his face with one hand and grabbing the side of her dress to pull her back down with the other.

They turned to each other, neither one able to control the snickering and shaking of their bodies. Drake lifted a sleeping Patrick over his shoulder while Alyssa grabbed Audrey's hand; the Walker couple decided they were too immature for church this morning.

They laughed all the way to the parking lot.

"It's never a dull moment with you, baby girl," Drake chuckled, turning over the ignition.

"You know me …” She blew on her nails before rubbing them against her chest. “... just doing the Lord's work."

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It was customary in Cordonia for families to gather together each week for a big supper after church.

The Walkers traditionally took turns hosting with Liam and Riley, and Constantine and Regina. This week's meal was at the elder Ryses.

Sitting down at the dining room table, everyone licked their chops, hungry and ready to dig into all the made-from-scratch southern goodness Mrs. Regina had prepared: Fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, coleslaw, macaroni and cheese, green beans with hamhock, corn-on-the-cob, deviled eggs, biscuits, sweet tea, and coffee. It was all accompanied by two containers of broccoli salad, Alyssa picked up from the Piggly Wiggly deli after church, and Riley's lopsided carrot cake.

There was always a lot of food, a lot of love, and what would it be in a small town without a little gossip here and there.

"Regina, you've outdone yourself on this meal," Liam raved while placing his five-month-old son in a high chair and fastening the clasps. "If it tastes as good as it smells, we're all in for a big treat."

Everyone agreed as she sat down, Constantine pushing her chair in with a peck to the top of her head. "Thank you, Liam." She looked up at her husband with a sincere smile, rubbing his arm. "Only the best for our family."

She meant every word of that as she and Constantine glanced around the table at all the cheerful faces of the people they loved most — that included Drake and his family.

Drake's father had been the sheriff for many years before his untimely death, while the younger Walker was a teen. Connie had never met a braver, more hard-working man than Jackson; the now mayor stepped in after that death to be the father figure in Drake's life. Drake was already best friends with Liam, and over time, the family just considered him one of their own. Drake and Alyssa's children referred to them as Mamaw and Papaw Rys.

As everyone settled in and passed the food around the table, the doorbell rang; 7-year-old Ellie -- Liam and Riley's oldest -- jumped up to answer it. With everyone focused on getting their helpings, Riley leaned over and whispered to Alyssa, "Any more scoop on Savannah?"

Alyssa passed the potatoes to her and answered in a hushed tone, "I drove past her house yesterday ... Chuck was there. His big rig was backed right up into the driveway. They're not even trying to hide it anymore."

"I knew it." Riley slapped a scoop of potatoes onto her plate, passing them across to Liam. "When does Bertrand get back from that Bankers Convention in Atlanta?"

"I think Max said on Tuesday. And I guarn-damn-tee, Chuck will be there until then."

"Of course he will. Have you told Drake yet?"

Alyssa shook her head, peeking over at her husband, who was in hog heaven, dousing everything on his plate with white gravy, blissfully unaware of their idle chitchat. She turned back to Riley. "Not yet. You know how protective he is. I'll need to hide the gun cabinet keys when he finds out ... if he finds out. You remember how upset he got when Bianca got caught at the Love's Truck Stop with Landon Ebrim over the summer. His mama can do what she wants, but not with a married man."

Riley agreed with a nod before taking a sip and swallowing her sweet tea. "Ya know, I've never seen sweet Emmaline that angry."

"Yeah, me neither. She sure whopped ass that day." They both giggled lightly. "Landon's dentures flew clean across that truck lot."

"I saw her the other day at the Food Lion, grinnin' like a baked possum. Got that ol' dog for everything he had."

Alyssa huffed, "Cept' his nuts."

Ellie ran back in and hopped in her chair. "Miss Olivia is here!"

Alyssa stiffened, clutching her fork a little tighter before letting out a faint groan. Not that she didn't like the Assistant Principal of Cordonia Elementary -- she was her boss, after all, and they grew up together -- she could just be a little off-putting, sometimes with her treatment of Drake. In light of Olivia's recent divorce, she had, however, started directing most of her scorn on her ex-husband, Anton.

Everyone greeted Olivia as she strolled in behind the youngster, shrugging her jacket off and tossing it on a counter with her purse. "I smelled your chicken and taters all the way from Lythikos Drive, Regina. You know how I love a good rib stickin' meal."

"Is Travis and Waylon here?" Patrick piped up eagerly from the children's table, hoping to have some boys to play with rather than the three little girls who kept ganging up on him.

Olivia pulled out a chair and started loading her plate down. "They're with their daddy this weekend, sugar. I'll tell them you asked about them."

Drake lifted his coffee mug, not making eye contact with anyone. "Speaking of ... I saw Anton yesterday at the Dollar Tree ... with someone." He smirked into his drink. While everyone else knew who and was trying to avoid the elephant in the room, he owed her for years of squabble.

"Who? Madeleine?" Olivia spat, adding heaping spoonfuls of sugar to her already overly sweetened tea. "Bless her rotten heart, he was seeing her before our break up. Moved in with her right after the divorce was final, so I hope she's enjoyed cookin' and cleanin' after my youngins' all weekend, cause she's gonna be doin it a hell of a lot more now that she got herself fired."

Madeleine was a bank teller in the drive-thru at First Cordonia and also Leo's ex-fiancee.

"Madeleine got fired?" Alyssa asked in surprise. "She's been there for years."

The redhead swirled the sugar around in her tea with a spoon before licking it off and continuing, "Mmm-hmm. Bertrand caught her on video, stuffing her gaudy drawers into the vacuum tubes at the bank and sending them to that bastard when he drove through to make a deposit. He was making deposits alright. Right between her scrawny, cankled ass --"

"Olivia!" Liam quickly interjected, knowing once she got going, it would likely turn R-rated with several little ears listening. "I'm dying to hear how the Christmas Festival for next Saturday is coming along." He shot a look across the table at Drake for getting her worked up. Drake simply grinned.

By late afternoon, supper had been eaten, dishes cleaned, and pants unbuttoned. After a couple of hours of chatting on the back porch and watching the kids play, the two younger couples packed up leftovers Regina insisted they take home and were ready to hit the road.

Liam and Riley lived next door and walked out with the Walkers who were making their way to the Tahoe parked on the street.

Alyssa bounced and cooed over baby Jacob before handing him back to Riley and getting into the vehicle's passenger seat.

Liam was leaning into the driver's side window, having a casual discussion with Drake about the opening day of deer season next Saturday and asking what time he wanted to head out.

Alyssa was half-listening and half-working the stereo when an idea popped into her head. "You know what would be fun?” Both men stopped talking and glanced over at her. “We should all go?”

Drake knit his brows. “Go where?

“Hunting. We can make it a double date. You and me, Riley and Liam. The great outdoors. Some quality time together. I’ll even make snacks for everyone. It’ll be fun,” her voice was chipper. She was excited about it.

She was also deadly serious.

So were the dubious looks Drake and Liam gave each other over the thought of taking their wives on the most important hunting event of their year. Not that either didn't enjoy spending time with their significant others, but hunting was a whole different world. It was a one-person sport where you spent the day away from reality and responsibilities and just enjoying the great outdoors —a place to be alone and experience the thrill of a good hunt.

“Guys, I’m serious. We go fishing together, and I’ve shot targets plenty of times. I really wanna go hunting with you. Riley wants to go too, don't you?” She cast an inquisitive glance out her window at Riley, who glared back with the biggest what-the-fuck look she'd ever made. “See, she wants to go too.”

“Baby,” Drake began softly, giving her knee light squeezes. “I don’t mind taking you, but this is opening day. We’ll be in the woods for hours, in the cold. It’s not really what someone would consider a ‘date.’ And we’re going to the Festival that night … we’ll get a chance to spend time together there.”

She held his gaze as her lips began to quiver. “I understand. You .. you need time to be away from me, and it was a dumb idea anyway --”

“No,” Drake cut in. His heart plummeted from the sadness in her voice and eyes. “That’s not it at all. I love spending time with you. And if you really want to do this, then … let’s do this.”

“Really? We can go together?” Drake nodded with a smile before she squealed in his ear and pulled him into a tight hug. “I can’t wait! Thank you!”

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Liam let out a heavy breath as he looked over at Riley -- The woman he knew would not be a fun hunting partner next week -- still standing on the sidewalk, appearing like she might faint. “Yeah ... I can’t wait either.”

---------------------

Saturday. 5:15 a.m. The cellphone alarm on Drake’s bedside table let off a series of rhythmic beeping sounds and vibrations.

The alarm wasn’t needed. The man had been awake for hours, listening to his wife's gentle snores; the anticipation of bringing home at least a 12-pointer keeping him from falling back asleep.

Letting out a ferocious yawn and a hearty stretch, he picked up his phone to dismiss the alarm and rolled over to wake Alyssa.

With her ass perfectly curled into the space between his stomach and thighs, his hands settled on her curvy hip, jostling her slightly. “Time to get up, my little peach. We gotta get crackin’ before all the good deer are gone.”

“I just need one more hour, okay? Thanks,” she protested with a drowsy murmur, pulling the pillow over her head.

Drake chuckled, rubbing soothing circles over her back. “No. We have to get up now. We’re wasting time, sleepyhead. Unless … you don’t want to go.”

Alyssa’s heavy eyes stung as she tried to peel them open one at a time. “No, I wanna … go ...” she trailed. Her eyes slowly shut again, and she was out.

On a day like today, Drake was usually up and ready in ten minutes. Once he could finally get his wife out of bed, dressed, and back awake again from where she fell asleep on the toilet, it was close to 45 minutes.

Maxwell, who was also a childhood friend and the music teacher where Alyssa taught, rented the room over their garage. He agreed to come down that morning and watch the kids while the pair spent their morning in the woods. Bianca used to help out in that regard, but the kids complained she slept the whole time, and Alyssa was pretty sure her mother-in-law smoked pot around them.

Drake loaded up the truck, placing his rifle and a smaller .22 caliber for Alyssa behind the seat. Dragging herself slowly to the vehicle, the night sky still pitch black and her breath turning to thick vapors in the frigid air, she listlessly tossed a Taylor Swift tote bag on the floorboard and climbed in.

Drake looked at his phone after everything was packed up to see if Liam had sent a message about being late. It was unusual for him not to be there already. Typically, his best friend was up and at his house before Drake was even ready. He sent off a quick text to check.

Drake: Where you at, man?

Liam: Running late. Riley had to put makeup on and do her hair.

Liam: I’m having so much fun already 😑

Liam: snark

Drake: Lyss couldn’t decide which gloves looked the best with her orange vest. I guess she wants to impress the deer before she kills them.

Liam: We’re not catching deer today. We’ll be lucky if we catch a cold. Be there in 10.

Twenty minutes later, Liam’s gray Silverado pulled onto the Walker’s gravel drive. Riley had wanted biscuits and gravy from McDonald's, and she had to run back inside to pee, so that set them back. But, with everyone now there, they were finally ready to head out.

Just down the rural road from where Drake and Alyssa lived, the current sheriff of Cordonia, Bastien, owned several acres of unoccupied land that he used for recreation. He had been a close friend of Drake’s dad and agreed to let Drake and Liam hunt and fish on his property whenever they wanted.

Turning onto the dirt road and opening the gate, the four friends arrived at their spot just as dawn was breaking.

No one spoke much as they trekked through the mud, sticks, and brittle fall leaves that littered the path to the deer stands. Riley and Alyssa were too exhausted to say anything. Drake and Liam just weren’t used to talking at all.

"Riley, love,” Liam whispered softly. “Can you watch how you’re walking? The noise is going to scare the deer away.”

“I can’t help it if … " She reacted loudly in frustration before Liam placed a finger over his lips, and she resumed speaking more quietly. “I can’t help it if there're leaves everywhere. I’m walking on them as delicately as possible.”

“How much further? I think my toes are frozen and I need coffee.” Alyssa bemoaned while walking on the balls of her heels. Drake was basically dragging her sluggish body by the hand. Her eyes were still drooping from exhaustion with every careful step.

“Just over yonder of that fence row is our stand.” He pointed out.

Alyssa aimed her flashlight around the woods in several spots. "And where do we pee at?"

Liam lightly snorted as Drake answered matter-of-factly. "Just over yonder of that fence row below our stand."

"Oh ... " her tone was small and apprehensive, "... I guess that's ... okay." She glanced back timidly at Liam, who was following close behind.

He shielded his eyes from the beam of her flashlight in his face and frowned. "I'm not going to watch you pee, Alyssa."

Riley gasped, "Eww! I don't want Drake watching me pee either."

"Shhhhh." Liam was quick to remind her again of the volume of her voice.

"Stop, shushing me, Liam! Those deer don't know I'm out here."

Drake grunted, then whipped around to face the three of them. "Would you keep your voices down? No one's watching anybody take a piss," he whisper-yelled. "Lyssa and I will be at least a hundred yards away from ya'll. Riley, I promise you can piss your little heart out, and I won't see it."

"We're separating?" Alyssa asked wistfully. "What if I need to ask Riley something, and she can't hear me yelling across to her?"

"You'll just have to ask her when we're done, baby girl. And ... please don't yell questions to her while we're out here. Low voices."

They continued on with their noisy hike.

"Having so much fun," Liam grumbled to himself.

-------------------

Liam and Riley headed to their tree stand as Drake helped Alyssa climb up the ladder to theirs.

The stand and ladder were made of plywood -- chipped and faded from years of exposure to the elements -- and were attached at the apex to an oak tree about twenty feet off the ground. At the top it had enough room to take a step onto, with a wooden seat just wide enough to accommodate them. One plank rail came out on both sides.

Alyssa plopped down onto the seat, clutching her tote bag of goodies on her lap. She lifted the brim of the orange beanie she borrowed from Drake -- that smelled of animal carcass and gun powder -- above her eyes and peered out to the wilderness spread monumentally below. She closed her eyes and slowly inhaled the fresh, dewy air, taking in the sounds of twittering birds, branches clashing from the nearby squirrel frolicking on them, and the rippling of a bubbling brook streaming down the hill.

A pleasant warmth overcame her as Drake's much larger body sat down next to her and protected her from the frosty wind blowing in from his side.

Alyssa wrapped her arms around his waist, snuggling into him. "I can see why you like this so much. It's so quiet and peaceful ... look how purty it is out here, Drake. It's just real purty, isn't it?"

Working diligently on getting their gear together, he stopped briefly to look out; affection glowed in his eyes. “It sure is, darlin’. Almost as purty as you ... and notice I said 'almost.'” He winked, and Alyssa blushed, feeling that same love trickling up inside her she'd had since they were teenagers. Drake could charm the pants off a chipmunk, but she was thankful he only used that gift on her.

"Sooo ... " She drawled in her thick Southern accent. "How long will it be before the deer start coming out?"

Drake drew the barrel of her gun back after loading it with shells and explained, "Don't know. It could be minutes. It could be a few hours. Just whenever they head this way, I reckon."

Perplexed, Alyssa nodded slowly. "A few hours? I s'pose that's okay. What do you do while you're waiting?"

He shrugged, passing a gun to her. "You just ... sit here."

"You just sit here and do what?"

Drake leaned over to kiss into her orange cap and replied, "Wait."

"Wait." She acknowledged. "I can do that. I'll just sit here ... and wait."

Several minutes had passed, and Alyssa was already bored with listening to nature, Drake's gurgling stomach, and sitting quietly with nothing to do. Every so often, a shotgun blast was heard in the distance, signifying either someone out there had gotten their prize or Riley had driven Liam insane. It was the only break from the monotony that came with the boredom of sitting in a tree for who knew how many hours.

Letting out a giant exhale that caught Drake's attention, she propped her rifle against the railing and pulled the cloth tote that was sitting between her boots into her lap. Rummaging through the bag, she pulled out her phone and began thumbing out a message.

Drake furrowed his brows and asked, "What're you doin'?"

"Just texting Riley,' she answered dismissively. He shook his head and leaned it back against the tree while she formulated her message.

Alyssa: You still alive over there? How's it going?

Riley: This is boring as shit.

Riley: And now my texting is apparently scaring away the deer. F the deer Liam. F all the damn deer!!!! What were you thinking, Lyss?

Alyssa: I was thinking we could spend quality time with our husbands. The men we love and cherish with all of our hearts. I’m having a great time with Drake so far 😍😘

Alyssa: And no one twisted your arm to come bitch.

Riley: Liam's just staring through binoculars. He hasn’t spoken in 20 minutes except to tell me to point the gun away from him or to quit moving. Let’s go get our hair did at Adelaide's.”

Alyssa: OHHH Yes! And get Chinese food ... CRAB RANGOONS!! I'll have Drake drive us back. Girls Day Out. Love you!

Drake let out a belch and blew it away when Alyssa turned to him with a dazzling smile and a sparkle in her blues. "Can you drive Riley and me back to the house?"

"What? Right now?" he shrieked. She answered him with a cheerful nod. "What happened to all that talk about wanting to spend quality time with me?"

"I still do. But ... we're just sitting here, not really doing anything. I could be getting my hair done for tonight's festival. I also have a ton of laundry to do, some papers to grade, and I’m supposed to be making the Devereaux’s famous peach cobbler for the raffle. If I leave now, I’ll have time to do all of it.” Alyssa knew she probably wouldn’t do half of that, and Audrey would likely make the cobbler, but it made the situation sound more urgent.

"It's opening day, baby. I'm not leaving this spot." He reached into the pocket of his overalls and pulled out his keys. "If you and Riley wanna take my truck, I'll ride back with Liam."

She gave him an exasperated look. "I don't know my way back to the truck. And I sure as hell know Riley doesn't."

He smirked, stuffing his keys back. "Then you're stuck."

The next hour was brutal. Alyssa texted Riley to alleviate the boredom for several minutes, but there had been no responses in a long while. She wasn't aware that Liam tossed her friend's phone over the hill when she started making TikTok videos of her plight -- Liam took his deer hunting seriously: No noise meant no noise.

Drake wasn't much better; he was quieter than his usual self. It wouldn't have been so bad if she could at least talk. An occasional whispered word was not going to cut it.

Alyssa sighed heavily. She wiggled around for comfort. She unwrapped a Nutty Bar. She crunched. She opened a can of pop. She tapped her fingers. She flipped the pages of a magazine. Each one got that look from Drake that let her know it was too loud. If she ever made it out of there, she planned to jabber and stir until she couldn't do it anymore.

After another half-hour of stewing quietly in her thoughts without a sign of a deer anywhere, Alyssa decided now was the time to finally just talk.

"Do you ever think about having another baby?" It was a topic that had been on her mind for a while. To her surprise, Drake didn't give her a look or even freak out the way she anticipated. Despite his own rule of silence, he even responded in kind.

"Yeah. Kind of a lot."

Her right brow darted up. "Really?"

Drake took a breath and shifted the gun across his lap. "I mean, of course. It's always been my dream to settle down and have a bunch of youngin's with the woman I love." He studied her lit-up face; he'd swore she'd gotten more beautiful with age. That's why he hesitated when he added, "But ... "

Her shoulders slumped at his words, and a deflated look impressed upon her face. "But ... " The word barely made it past her lips.

Drake reached for her hand and gripped it tightly. "Lyssa, we have so much going on right now. You're working on National Boards, Audrey has piano recitals and basketball, Patrick has peewee football and Boy Scouts. We barely have time -- except for right now -- for just ... us. I'm not saying,"never"... just that right now ... isn't a good time."

"I understand that, but ... we've always made it work. And don't you miss those tiny little fingers wrapped around yours? And the way they smell fresh out of the bath? And those chubby little cheeks pressed up against yours?" she goaded.

“Of course I do. I remember the first time I held Audrey and PJ in my arms -- there’s just no better feeling in the world than ...to look down ... " Drake paused as his voice cracked, and his brown eyes glistened like glass. " ... and to see someone so small ..." When she sniffled, it made it that much harder for him to speak. "... that you created with the woman you've loved since you were 16 years old. But I like who they are now, and watching them grow, and doing things with them ... And, well ... there’s no shit clean up.”

“You obviously haven’t washed Patrick's clothes in a while,” Alyssa retorted with a chuckle that brought out one in her husband.

"I’ll have to talk to him about that." He gazed deeper into her eyes. "But I do love you ... more than all the peaches in Georgia, Lyssa Claire.”

Alyssa smiled.“That’s what you said to me when you promised to marry me when we were teens.”

Drake returned his own smile. “I did. I remember like it was yesterday too. Sitting in your parent’s basement, watching Friends reruns, eating pizza, making out. And hell, it’s still as true today as it was then. Somehow, even more."

Their cold lips parted and joined halfway for a fervent kiss, with Drake's hand meandering around the subtle groove at the junction of her waist. Just as it became more intense and desirous, a rustling of twigs off in a nearby thicket caught Drake's ear, and he broke away, his eyes scoping the perimeter. Alyssa wasn't offended, she heard it too, and her heart raced with excitement.

Lifting the binoculars hanging from his neck, he spotted two deer eating from a blackberry patch some thirty yards away. He pointed in their direction; Alyssa gave a quick thumbs up, letting him know she saw them too.

Drake carefully lifted the rifle resting in his lap as Alyssa leaned forward and squinted to get a better visual. "Is that a buck and a doe?" she whispered, not moving an inch.

"Sure as fuck is." He mounted the stock of his .30 caliber, Winchester, just beneath his collarbone; the rush of this moment coursed ravenously through his body. He lined up the scope and placed a steady finger on the trigger -- his thumb pulling the hammer back.

“Wait.” Alyssa loudly whispered. “You can’t shoot him.”

"I'm gonna. Better cover your ears."

"No, Drake. There's a doe with him. What if that's his wife? You can't just leave her all alone without him."

"Lyss, this is the whole reason we're out here."

"So you can make a widow out of her?"

"No ... so I can make deer chili out of him."

Alyssa's mouth flew open. "No. No. RUUUUUUUUN! RUUUUUUN!"

Drake pulled his face away from the scope and fired her a look. "What the hell are you doing? They're getting away!"

She tilted her chin boldly. "I don't care. That was her husband, and they're in love, and you can't take that away from them. I would be so sad if we were just out eating berries and someone came up and shot you, ALL SO THEY COULD EAT DRAKE CHILI!".

Drake dropped his head. He knew there was no point in arguing with her. As long as he’d known her, she was stubborn, and at that moment, she was dead set in believing those two deer were living out the greatest romance of all time. Nothing he said or did would change her mind on that.

A thought emerged while he attempted to comprehend the logic of the situation. Those deer ran off in the direction where Liam was set up. Maybe if he could give his friend a heads up, it was still possible at least someone would leave those woods with the prized buck.

Turning his back from Alyssa so that she couldn't stop him, he pulled a small walkie-talkie from his pocket and radioed Liam. Alyssa knew what was up and jumped to her feet, thrusting her arms around him in an attempt to stop the travesty.

"You can't do this, Drake," she hollered, "That’s her soulmate. And why don't I have a walkie-talkie? I want a walkie-talkie!"

While seated next to Liam, Riley was swinging her legs, purposefully making the soles of her boots scrape against the platform. Liam tried to ignore her; maybe he had been a little too uptight about every little noise and utterance she made. But this was playing a whole different ballgame now: she was now making it her mission to piss him off.

Prepared to pound his head against the tree, Liam gritted his teeth, skimming his eyes in her direction. "Love, do you have to do that?"

"Did you have to throw my phone in the woods?" She spat back.

Liam rubbed his hand over his face. "No, and I am sorry that. I apologize for all of eternity. I promise I will get you another one as soon as we get back, okay?”

Riley huffed. "Fine, but that phone had all of my contacts on it. It had our babies' pictures and videos on it ... our vacation photos. I can't get those memories back ever, and I have to find it, and God only knows where it landed. It could be ..." She stopped rattling on when she caught sight of the distressed look Liam was giving her. Knitting her brows, Riley asked, "What?"

"Nothing ... just ... can you lower your voice a little? You're gonna scare the deer away,"

He regretted it as soon as it came out.

“LIAAAAM!”

He saw the steam gushing out of her ears. There was no time to answer the incoming call on his walkie-talkie from Drake.

Belting out a furious screech, Riley jumped up and tried to jerk the gun from his hands. There was no question she wouldn't shoot him, but she'd sure as hell shred his favorite gun apart piece-by-piece and toss them all the way to Portavira Lake on the other side of town.

Riley tugged with all of her might. "I have HAD IT with being quiet for those damn deer, Liam. HAD IT!"

"Sweetheart, you need to calm down ..." He stood up in front of her, pulling back on the rifle even harder, surprised -- and not pleasantly so -- his considerably smaller wife had this much struggle in her.

"Don't you sweetheart me. You have shushed me for the last time, Liam Preston Rys!"

“Okay, I’m sorry! But can you at least admit us fighting over a gun is dangerous? Somebody is going to get seriously hurt, and I don’t want it to be you, Riley. Please. I won’t shush you anymore, I promise.” His face softened, eventually adorning a loving smile at his wife, who, with a sigh, was unable to resist that handsome face and relaxed her grip.

Riley gave him a half-smile in return. “I’m sorry, too. I’ve ruined your hunting trip.”

“Yes ... you did.” Liam agreed, dodging the playful slap she nearly made to his upper arm. “But I don’t want to fight anymore.”

With the War of the Ryses finally over, they went in for a makeup kiss until Drake’s voice called out to Liam again through his walkie talkie. Liam set the gun down on the bench and leaned it against the tree before he started digging into his pocket to answer the device. Riley dropped down onto the seat, her elbow brushed against the rifle and caused it to slide away until the barrel end hit the railing and set off a powerful blast.

When the ringing in both of their ears subsided, and the smoke had cleared, Liam and Riley collected themselves from the sudden spine-gripping explosion that shook them both. While Riley explained to Liam what happened, a hysterical sounding Drake came back over the walkie-talkie, wailing, “Alyssa’s been shot! Alyssa’s been shot! Help me!”

__________________

Later that evening, in the courthouse square, the street was lit up with zig-zagged rows of red, green, and white lights. Strands of garland were wound around every lamppost in perfect spiraled loops, and red bows hung and waved with the wintry breeze.

With traffic rerouted away from the area, vendors lined sidewalks selling local goods to put the town's citizens in the festive spirit. What would this small town in Georgia have been without boiled peanuts, low country boil, fried green tomatoes, barbecue, and peach everything?

Once Constantine had lit the 30-foot spruce, surrounded by hundreds of merry people from all walks of life that made up this small community, the festival was officially kicked-off.

In a large tent set up on the square, Liam and Riley laid out styrofoam containers and drinks they’d purchased from a barbeque vendor on one of several picnic tables inside. With their two young daughters munching away on their meal, and the stroller with their sleeping son beside them, they both sat down with heavy hearts and restless minds.

Liam bit into his barbecue sandwich, noticing Riley only prodding at her mac-and-cheese while staring off into the distance. He didn’t have to ask what was wrong; he knew what happened that morning was bothering her with guilt and worry. It wasn’t every day she accidentally shot someone.

“Are you going to be okay?”

Riley shook her head slightly with a sad look. “No. It’s just not the same without Alyssa here. You know how much she loves Christmas and the festival. She was so looking forward to it too, until --”

“You shot her.”

“Yeeeeeesssss,” she cried out. Liam reached across the table and gave her hand a comforting squeeze, his thumb caressing her smooth skin. Riley continued to sniffle as she grabbed a handful of napkins and wiped the barbecue sauce off Liam’s sticky fingers that were now smeared all over hers. “I didn’t mean to, I swear it. And the way … and the way Drake cried. It broke my heart. Now he has her on bed rest AND house arrest. He won’t let her take calls. I’ll never see or hear from my bestie agaaaain.” The tears continued to flow in steady streams.

Liam stiffened, feeling the eyes of everyone in that tent, gawking at his overly-dramatic wife breaking down. He started to tell her to lower her voice, but after the gun battle in the woods, he thought better of it. “Riley, darlin’, you know Drake is really overprotective of Alyssa. And as scary as what happened was, she only needed the one stitch and band-aid for her graze wound. Something tells me Drake won’t be able to keep her down long.”

---------------------------

Liam was right. As much as Drake tried to keep her in bed so he could wait on her hand and foot, protect her from the careless friends of the world who could inadvertently do his baby girl harm, and check to see if she needed a new band-aid every few minutes, he could not keep her down. She had been far too excited to hang out with the people she loved so much and celebrate at one of her favorite festivals.

Maxwell had left for the events with Audrey and Patrick an hour ago; they were part of the children’s caroling group and needed to be there early. Against Drake’s wishes, Alyssa showered, got dressed, and made sure he knew in no uncertain terms would he be able to prevent her from going. The only thing he knew to do was to go, follow her around the entire night, and make sure she wouldn’t get shot again.

They circled the block where everything was held several times, but spaces to park were impossible to find. Three blocks away was the church where they attended, and the parking lot was completely empty. Drake didn’t like the fact that Alyssa would have to walk so far in her debilitated condition and was prepared to haul her piggyback style if he had to, but this was the best spot he could find.

Drake moved the gearshift into park and reached over to grab Alyssa’s arm, who was already bounding out the door. He pulled Alyssa back inside, the chilly air blowing through her open door swept her straighten hair this way and that way.

She cocked her head to the side and exhaled, “Drake, I can open my own door. I’m not broken. It’s just a scratch. I’m fine.”

“I know.” He smiled that tenderhearted smile only Alyssa had ever seen. The same one sending a shudder through her already chilled body. “I changed my mind,” he replied simply

Alyssa slammed her eyes shut and groaned. “I just told you I was fine --”

“No, no,” He shook his head. “About having another baby. I want to start trying.”

Saddled with curiosity, she slid back into the truck and shut the door. “But, I thought you said we didn’t have time for that --”

“Yeah, I did say that. I still believe it. But … today made me realize that yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today …”

Alyssa’s hand flew to her mouth as she laughed out loud. Drake gave her a confused look before chuckling awkwardly to himself, “What’s so funny?”

She lowered her hand, still laughing. “You got that saying from a quote on a poster in my classroom. You’re the one who hung it up for me.”

The memory dawned on him, and he lowered his head, attempting to cover the guilty grin that spread over it. “Well, hell. Here I was trying to make you think I was all insightful and smart and stuff.”

Alyssa’s hand splayed across his rugged chest as she leaned over to kiss him.“You are very insightful and smart. You know I never settle for anything less than the best.”

“I s’pose.” he said, forking his fingers through his hair. “But … I guess what I wanted to say was … I know that bullet missed you, barely … but what if it hadn’t? What if I’d left those woods without you today? Just like you were afraid that doe might. Time wouldn’t matter anymore. There will NEVER be enough time with you. You’re my life, Alyssa Claire. You’re my lover, my friend, my heart, my confidante, my soul, my everything … my little peach. I want to experience all that life has given me with you as my wife … and forever make time with you.”

“DRAAAKEY!” she bawled, spreading her tiny arms wide around his bulky body. Alyssa drew him into her so hard it nearly crushed the wind right out of his lungs. “I -- love -- you -- so muuuch!” Drake patted her back and kissed into her hair as she sniveled into his shirt. He hated when she cried, but damn if this didn’t feel good to him. Anytime she was happy made him that way too.

They took a moment to kiss and pet each other a little before Alyssa sat up and asked, “So … when do you want to start trying for a new baby Walker?”

He shrugged. “Whenever you want, baby.”

Alyssa looked through the back window of the truck and scanned the parking lot. She bit her lip and looked back at him impishly. “What about … now?”

Drake’s eyes flew open wide. “In the church parking lot?”

Pursing her lips, she affirmed, “Yes. We’ve done it behind the Piggly Wiggly plenty of times. And let's not forget the ‘Great Ass Blow-out of 2019’ in the Atlanta Convention Center parking garage.”

“I will never forget that.” Drake shook his head as that momentous sexual experience replayed in his mind. “Mmmm, you performed magic that day, woman.”

She raised a brow and coaxed him on, “So? What’dya say?”

Drake took a tentative look around at the dark, empty lot, then back at her. “We’re so going to hell, but I’m in.”

“Eeeeeee,” she squealed, jerking his arm around in excitement. “Try to keep your ass out of the window this time, okay?”

Thirty minutes later, Pastor Hakim pulled into the church parking lot with Mara, the game warden, following behind in her truck. There had been several reports from passerby’s of loud animals howling and screeching behind the church. The stray cat population was out of control in that area, and several cats had burrowed their way inside the church on occasion.

Hakim parked his car, with Mara pulling in beside him. They both got out simultaneously and listened quietly to see if they could decipher where the commotion was coming from.

Within seconds, a load moan roared out, followed by several consecutive whimpers that were hard to make out by the duo.

Mara listened intently, then gestured with her flashlight to an area near the back of the lot where clusters of shrubs and dry brush bordered. Hakim ambled behind her, the noise getting closer and closer until the pastor's brow furrowed at the shaking of a nearby truck.

“Damn, teenagers,” he grumbled as they tipped toed discreetly.

Mara crouched down by the truck's tailgate, Hakim bending over while she duck-walked toward the driver's side door.

The game warden turned to the pastor and instructed, “On my three. 1 -- 2 -- 3.” They both jumped up at the same time, flashing the light inside the cab. “HAHA Caught ya! OH MY GOD!”

Alyssa, who was on top of Drake, completely naked except for the band-aid on her left arm, looked up in utter humiliation and shock. She crossed her arms over her chest to cover her breast, feeling like she might faint. Not knowing what to say at that moment to rectify their actions or why those two were still staring inside the truck, Alyssa smiled sheepishly. “I’m still feeling the spirit, Hakim.”

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#drake x alyssa #Liam x Riley #gun usage #hunting

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xpeachesncream · 3 years

Text

light the fire | one shot

> part of the acquainted series <

summary: namjoon isn't the type to go looking for love. after all, he doesn't have the most exciting track record with women. but when he meets ryujin, something within him comes alive and he's eager to know all about her.

pairing: namjoon x ryujin

genre: slight fluff, smut

words: 4.2k

warnings: [please read after you finish chapter 12 of acquainted] cussing, mature language, implied sexual content, club/bar scene, alcohol consumption, tipsy-slightly rough-unprotected sex, big dick kink, straddling, breast play, oral (m. & f. receiving), after care cuddles

note: my lovely anon - this goes out to you. i hope you enjoy! 💗

Namjoon wasn't necessarily lucky with the ladies. Hence, his stupid little jokes about how Seokjin couldn't even send a lady friend his way even though his ass was engaged. Selfish as hell! But also, he can't really say that he's bothered by it. His story isn't too exciting; he's had the girlfriend that cheated, he's had the girlfriend that wasn't entirely into the relationship as much as he was, he's been rejected by someone who really fell deep for. Same old cliché shit. But just because of all that, doesn't mean he looks for love. He doesn't really care for it much. He figures it'll happen naturally. He's tired of chasing, you know? He's tired of putting himself out there. So for once, he'll just sit back and let it fall right onto his lap.

Literally and figuratively.

The club wasn't really his scene either [I guess when you get older this is the shit you say all the time], but he loved Jungkookie as his little brother that he would do anything for that guy. Plus, it had been awhile since the guys had gotten together like this. He was gonna go and look good, but he wasn't expecting much out of it. He figured he'd grab drinks and get drunk with the boys, sit around or press himself awkwardly against the wall like a true wallflower. Maybe grab a dance with one chick and then call it a night.

He didn't really have plans, honestly.

But that's before he sees Ryujin being all cute, chopping it up with the group and buying shots in her itty bitty dress. It fuels something inside of him, almost pushing him to feel more alive than he has felt in awhile and do something about it. He's really trying to check her out, see what she's about, but Seokjin is in his face with this stupid ass look because he can't stand Jungkook being all up on his girl.

"Whew, a shot for you!" Ryujin yells and beams a bright big smile as she hands him the shot glass. "Ryujin, by the way."

"Namjoon." He takes the shot glass and lightly tips it up in the air. "Thanks for the shot."

"No problem." She smirks at him, quickly looking at him up and down.

"It's his 23rd birthday today!"Namjoon hears Hoseok yell, grabbing Jungkook's shoulders and playfully massaging it.

"Yeah, it's his birthday Y/N! Give the boy some love!" Ryujin turned to wink from where she was at. Namjoon edges himself a little closer to the bar to be near her, watching as she begins to lightly flirt around with Yoongi. Ryujin feels his arm lightly brush up against hers, causing her to turn her attention back on him.

"Isn't it weird to run into your professor and his friends here?" Namjoon breaks the ice, causing her to chuckle.

"Not at all. We're not in a classroom or anything sooo technically, he's not my professor right now."

"Touché. I'll give you that." Namjoon smiles before taking his shot to the neck while Ryujin watched. He caught her eyes eyeing his neck, back up to his lips, then his eyes. The confidence in him was slowly growing, and the alcohol was for sure going to make him a little bolder tonight with her presence. "Wanna save me a dance later?" He goes for it.

"Yeah, of course." She does her little smirk before she skidaddles off. Namjoon watches her pretty closely all night, even if it doesn't look like it. But he is. He catches her looking over and he can tell that she's raving to you about him. But he also catches her being a flirt with one of your friends. Taehyung, is what he assumes? He grabs his name by the way she almost whines it repeatedly. Then he catches her throwing it back onto Yoongi and how Yoongi is also really enjoying it. It'll be his turn soon though, and now he went from having zero plans, to plans that involved getting her number and making something out of this, whatever that was.

"You alright?" Joon checks on Jin since Jungkook is nowhere to be found near the group. He could at least do that before he's off, leaving him to sit here alone at the table.

"Yeah, I'm good." Is all Jin says. Namjoon doesn't pry any more and instead, makes his way over to Ryujin, who is standing around with Jimin.

"Ready for that dance?" She smiles at him, gladly taking his hand to the dance floor and immediately starts to grind up on him. Namjoon holds her close, his hands pressed against her hips as he follows her rhythm. He's pretty tipsy, but he can tell Ryujin is drunk - maybe even a little past that stage. She's getting touchy, her hands are roaming against his body and his neck, her touch sending goosebumps down his body. He lets it happen though, his body slightly feeling a little too happy with her touch. They've danced to almost two or so songs now, Namjoon can't remember. He's too focused on her.

"Wow, have you always been such a good dancer?" She turns to face him, his hands still wrapped around her waist.

"I wouldn't say I'm good." He chuckles.

"I would think again." She cocks her head to the side and cutely looks at him. He smiles back, his dimples piercing his cheeks. Out of all guys tonight, Ryujin finds him the most enticing. Usually, she's not one to feel intimidated and tends to take the ropes when it comes to men. She doesn't like to be handled and she'll gladly let you know. But Namjoon?

She was intimidated. His piercing eyes, his slicked back hair, his build. He could gladly take control entirely and she'd let him.

Not that he purposely came off intimidating. But whatever he was doing, she liked it.

"So." He breaks the silence. "May I grab your number?" He asks politely, afraid to come off too forceful, or like a cocky asshole. That was not the look he was trying to go for.

"Of course." She grabs his phone and puts in her number before making her way back to the group.

"Wait, you're not gonna give me one last dance?" He playfully jokes, gently grabbing her wrist.

"Can't let you have me all to yourself, right?" She smirks before making her way towards Jimin and Taehyung. He watches as her hips sway back and forth, her short hair bouncing with every move she makes. Taehyung playfully pulls her close and brushes the hair out of her face, only for her to smack his hand away.

Damn.

That fire in her, Namjoon liked. Normally, this isn't how he'll pick up girls he's truly interested in, but she was different. Different from what he's used to handling. Different from his past. Different from the girls he typically goes for.

And he liked that shit.

[Namjoon] 8:39pm: When are we gonna hang out? I wanna kick it with you. :)

[Ryujin] 8:40pm: You're gonna make time for me? Lol

[Namjoon] 8:45pm: Who said I was busy? If anything, you're the busy bee here.

[Ryujin] 8:47pm: Lol. I just get caught up with my friends, to be honest.

[Namjoon] 8:48pm: I get that.

[Ryujin] 8:50pm: Come up with something, then let me know time and place, Namjoon.

[Namjoon] 8:55pm: I like a challenge!

[Ryujin] 9:03pm: Good, then I'll be waiting. :)

Except, no he fucking doesn't like challenges cause now he doesn't know what else to do? He's not the most creative with dates, and he's always stuck by the cliché let's grab dinner or let's get coffee type of shit. Not cause he didn't wanna put in effort - he simply just didn't know how to be creative enough.

That was last night.

It's about to be lunch time on a Saturday morning, Namjoon mainly worried about getting some coffee before he sits and just brainstorms all day. It sounds dumb, but he really wanted to hang out with her. He was gonna try, but there were no promises he'd stray completely away from cliché hangout spots.

Namjoon makes his way to his favorite coffee shop down the street, greeting the usual baristas with his 100 watt smile and deep dimples. He comes here so often he doesn't need to say anything. The baristas already know him well enough to have his order ready on the register just so he can pay and pick it up on the other end.

"Nice day out today, Namjoon! Any plans today?" One of the cute baristas asks as she places the lid on his drink.

"Sure is. Uh, I don't know yet, we'll see. Definitely don't want this day to go to waste." He tips his cup as another thank you before heading towards the entrance. Hopefully he'd get it together and find a way to meet up with Ryujin. He really wanted it to be different but at this point, he didn't think—

"Wohhh, sorry!" A female says as she lightly brushes his shoulder.

"Ryujin?" Namjoon furrows his brows as he lightly turns to face her.

"Oh my god, hey! In that case, sorry not sorry." She laughed, making him chuckle at the corny shit that just came out of her mouth.

"Do you come here often, or something?" Which is a dumb question cause he would have definitely known if she did.

"No, I was just in the area, thrifting." She shrugged. "What happened to the challenge, sir? I've been waiting for you." She smirked.

"Ah, yeah." He scratches his head nervously. "To be honest, I'm pretty bad at being creative and planning something unique. I really wanna do something different for you and I was planning to sit my ass down all day to figure it out."

"That's cute, seriously."

"But, since we're here and I really do apologize for how cliché this is, do you wanna sit and have coffee? I can grab you some." He nods towards the entrance.

"I'd love that." He nods as he smiles toothlessly and places his cup down on an outside table.

"Anything specific?"

"Anything sweet, please. I can't do bitter shit." He laughs and nods.

"Got you. Sit tight." He runs back in to grab her their specialty red velvet latte and a fruit danish to snack on. He didn't really believe in that whole things happen for a reason or this is a sign type of shit. He was more so of a take it as it comes kind of guy - go with the flow kind of guy.

But was this a fucking sign?!

How was he just thinking about her before she literally ran into him?

He looked down at himself and checked out his outfit. Grey sweats. Grey hoodie. Jean jacket. Beanie.

Great.

She must be so woo'd right now.

"Looks like you have plans after all." The barista giggles.

"Uh, yeah. Can't waste the day, right?" He does a light jog back outside to Ryujin, who is sitting there looking at the busy street. "Here you go, madam." He pulls out the chair and sits in front of her.

"Thanks." He watches as she takes a sip, her eyes lighting up as she nods happily. "Oh my gosh, yum! Red velvet?"

"Sure is."

"I'm impressed. Good pick." She smiled as she held the cup close to her lips.

"Thank you." He pretends to bow and wave to a fake audience, causing her to chuckle. "Were you just thrifting today? Any other plans?"

"Yeah, randomly got in the mood. Other than that, no. I-uh, Y/N isn't around this weekend so to be honest, I'm kind of bored and lost without her."

"Stuck at the hip, huh?"

"Pretty much. My older sister has her own family now so she's always busy. We don't get to hang out much just the two of us anymore."

"Why don't you make plans in advance?"

"True, but you know, mom life." Ryujin shrugs as Namjoon nods.

"Where's Y/N at?" He knew the answer, he just wanted to know if Ryujin knew. Which, at this point, seems like a no brainer.

"Uh, away."

"Seokjin?" Namjoon flatly says.

"Um, yeah. I guess."

"I do know about them."

"So you already knew she was in LA with him?"

"Yeah, just wanted to see if you knew." She laughed.

"Obviously. That girl can't get anything past me."

"Same." He pauses. "I mean with Seokjin."

"So, what else do you have planned today?" Ryujin flips the switch.

"Nothing. Besides brainstorming." She laughed.

"You don't have to brainstorm, this is perfect."

"Mmm, but cliché right?" She shook her head.

"Just perfect." She looked up. "Look, the day is perfect. Sun is out, no cold wind. We're enjoying coffee. What's wrong about that?"

"I wanted to impress you." He shyly says.

"So far, I am." He wasn't expecting that, but he was glad to hear it. The conversation carried on about their families and friends, their likes and dislikes. Namjoon found that they had more in common than he thought. She liked similar things and knew a lot about the things he talked about. He was genuinely impressed by her and was curious as to where things could go.

Close to an hour and a half has passed since the two sat and talked, both really having no plans for the rest of the day. Ryujin enjoyed talking to Namjoon and felt comfortable with him. It was hard to stay away from his energy and she only craved more of it.

"Since you don't have any other plans today, do you wanna kick it at my apartment? We can fire up the PS4 and go at it on Mortal Kombat or something." She laughs.

"Cute. Yeah, let's do it. Just know I'll destroy your ass though." She cutely shrugs as she picks up her things and tosses her trash.

"Mmmkay, we'll see about that." He nods confidently. He sends her the address, which isn't far from where they're at and Ryujin gets there almost simultaneously as he does. She follows him up to his apartment, the building quiet and on a hill amongst other apartment buildings and homes.

His apartment is pristine, clean from inch to inch and smelled like a combination of woody, floral scents. He throws his keys onto the kitchen counter before removing his denim jacket and hanging it against his couch. The apartment is warm and welcoming, and Ryujin instantly makes herself comfortable by throwing off her shoes and hanging her jacket next to his on the couch. She tosses her bag on the side of the couch as she plops next to him. He actually turns on the PS4 and hands her a controller, her excitement already peeking through the roof.

They pick up quite a few rounds, both Ryujin and Namjoon screaming at the top of their lungs when rounds intensify. By the time it's evening, Namjoon and Ryujin had gone through two bottles of wine and demolished pasta takeout. She was still pretty drunk, sitting prettily on his couch while his arm draped over her shoulders as Friends with Benefits continued to play on his TV screen.

"Are you actually watching this movie?" She giggled as her head fell onto his shoulder playfully.

"Maybe. Or maybe not."

"Hey, pick an answer!"

"You'll never know, I guess."

"Namjoon!" She playfully hits him.

"Ow." He whines, massaging his buff ass chest. "I am but you're distracting me."

"What? How am I distracting you?!" She sits up to face him, her hair slightly messy from how she had been laying on his shoulder.

"You're just too cute." He chuckled.

"I'm not even doing anything." She pouts.

"Yeah, see. Like that. That's the distraction." He points at her pouty face. "You're too fucking cute for me and it's getting really hard to contain myself." He says boldly.

"Hm, is that so?" Ryujin teased. "Then why contain yourself?"

"Because I don't wanna mess up here & do the wrong thing."

"I promise you won't."

"Really now?" He turns to look at her. It's silent for a minute before Ryujin lets the alcohol and tipsyness take complete control of her body. She edges her face closer to his, gently laying a kiss on his lips. He returns the kiss, deepening it as his hand grips onto the back of her head. Her hand is resting against his neck, but she pushes herself forward in order to straddle his lap. The kiss is intense, their tongues aggressively fighting for dominance as if they both had been waiting for this moment the entire time. Namjoon's hands begin to roam down her back, down to her ass, lightly gripping as she edges her hips into his. She lets out a small moan, feeling how quick he's hardening under his sweats.

"Fuck." She whispers in between kisses. "Please just take me." I mean honestly, he's fine as fuck, and she's tipsy. Why wouldn't she take this opportunity? Taehyung wasn't going to and she was over it. She was gonna do her and go after a real ass man. We see you, Namjoon.

"Gladly." Namjoon responds, holding onto her tightly as she wraps her legs around his torso while he makes his way to the bedroom. He gently places her onto his bed, his body climbing on top of hers as she pulls him in for another kiss. Clothes are being torn off and tossed across his room, and it isn't long before Namjoon's hands are caressing her naked body, gently gripping her breasts and giving them a good squeeze. Ryujin lets out a hiss as her back slightly arches at his warm touch. He begins to place kisses in a straight line, down her neck, in between her breasts, her stomach, her abdomen and on top of her pussy. He teases her and makes his way back up to play with her breasts, her eyes shutting tightly from the sensation of his tongue toying with her nipples, one by one. He lets go with a pop, lightly blowing a breath of air onto her wet nipples, sending goosebumps down her entire body.

Namjoon makes his way back down, biting his bottom lip as his fingers start to gently massage her clit and her folds, swiping them up and down just to get a little taste of how wet she is.

"Oh shit." He says, turned on by how wet she is.

"Do something about it." She moans, her teeth piercing her bottom lip. He smirks before he lowers his mouth to latch onto her clit, sucking gently as he inserts two digits into her core. He begins with a steady pace, pumping his fingers in and out, the sounds of her wetness bouncing off of his room walls. "Naaaamjoon." She mewls, touching a breast as her other hand grips his sheets. He adds his tongue, intensifying the moment as he picks up his pace with his fingers, stretching her out as much as he can. It's a beautiful sight from his view, and he's loving every fucking moment of it.

It's not long before she's gripping his hair, her body squirming on the bed, but Namjoon is trying his hardest to keep her steady by placing his arm on top of her stomach.

"Oh my fucking god!" She yells. "I'm gonna fucking cum." She says, almost groaning as her back continues to arch even with his arm steady on her stomach. He nods into her clit, sucking and shaking his head left to right in hopes to send her over the edge. She screams louder, her moan definitely heard outside with the way his windows are slightly open. But, he doesn't give a fuck. He wipes his mouth as he wastes no time tapping his tip onto her throbbing pussy, her body still trembling from the aftershocks radiating throughout her body. "Yes, give it to me. Want you to fill me up." She looks at him, lust filled in her eyes as she grabs his hardened member and begins to stroke him. She gets on her knees quickly, her ass slightly up as she bends forward to give his tip a little kiss. She wraps her mouth on his length, moving her tongue up and down before she releases by the tip with a pop. She begins to suck him quickly, her head bobbing up and down as his eyes are rolling back. He grips her hair, pulling her head away before he cums all over her mouth, not ready to blow his load yet.

"Fuck, you're so fucking hot." He groans as his head tilts back in pleasure. "I'll give it to you real good."

"Please." She begs, as she lays back, almost inserting his member inside herself. God, was he fucking big. She was so turned on, she couldn't wait for him to stretch her the fuck out and destroy her. He takes his cock into his own hands, inserting it gently, just to make sure he didn't hurt her in any way. In which, she obviously doesn't get hurt and is instead moaning loudly for Namjoon to keep going. As soon as he bottoms out, he begins to pull back slowly before thrusting into her aggressively. His hands grip her thighs as her heels are planted on the bed, leaving red marks on her skin every time he accidentally loosens his grip. "Just like that!" She yells. "Ugh, Namjoon."

"Shit, I'm not gonna last if you keep moaning my name like that. You're so tight around my dick."

"Namjoon, please. Keep fucking me." She begs. "Wanna feel you." He groans as he picks up his pace, the sound of skin against skin now filling his room loudly. "Close." She mumbles before she begins to moan incoherently.

"Ohhhhhh fuck." He moans, his fingers now digging into her thighs as he holds her legs closely to him while thrusting. She screams his name at the same time her walls are constricting around his member, causing him to reach his climax and allow it to completely take over his body. He grips tightly, groaning as his head falls, releasing every last bit of cum he has to give. He slowly lets out a few more thrusts as he rides out his high, her hips moving in tandem with his.

"Shit, Namjoon. That was so good." He chuckles, grabbing some tissue to help clean her up before himself. He throwns on his shirt and sweats, throwing her one of his shirts to wear to make her a little more comfortable. She happily takes it and puts it on, his scent on his shirt filling her nostrils.

"Yeah? Tell me more." She throws one of his pillows at him as he lets out a loud laugh in typical Namjoon fashion.

"Fuck, my legs."

"I'll gladly take responsibility for you not being able to walk tomorrow." He winks.

"Oh, please." She playfully shoves him aside as he plops next to her on the bed.

"Wanna watch a movie in here?"

"Sure." She says, watching Namjoon get up to shut everything down in his living room. How they went from coffee to fucking each other's brains out? They didn't know, but they can also agree they didn't regret a thing. But honestly, she wasn't expecting to stay over, and she was mentally prepared to get up and leave around 2am or whatever. She was just used to that kind of treatment, with the way she used to fuck around. It's been awhile since she's done this, even though she jokes around a lot about plotting and getting dick. She had been wrapped up in her feelings, questioning whether or not she actually had it for Taehyung.

But tonight kind of just proves that she doesn't, because she isn't looking for him nor is she worried for him. It's not like he was ready for anything serious any time soon, either. Boy didn't have a problem showing that.

Even though she expects nothing, she doesn't realize she falls asleep in his arms during the middle of Spiderman: Homecoming and only reality only hits her when she's awoken by the sound of her phone blaring her ringtone on the nightstand next to her. She grabs it, checking the caller ID before quickly rolling up in his bed.

"Everything okay?" He asks, his voice super husky as he's barely even awake. His arms flops to the side when she gently removes it as she stands, eyeing the room for her clothes.

"Yeah. I hope. It's Y/N. I need to pick her up." She says quickly throwing on her clothes. She's rushing because she can tell you were crying heavily over the phone and she's afraid of what might have happened to you. Nothing worries her more than her bestfriend being in trouble or distress. "I had fun, really. Call you later when things settle?"

"Hope she's good." He nods as he watches her fly out of his room and to the front door.

Fuck.

Was it bad to feel addicted already?

#kim namjoon #namjoon #joon #rm #bts rm #kim namjoon one shot #namjoon one shot #rm one shot #bts rm one shot #acquainted series #bts smut #kim namjoon smut #namjoon smut #bts rm smut

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dissmal · 2 years

Text

2021 in Review

Highlights & Memories for 2021:

Began the year with lots of chess and Queen’s Gambit

Making a snowman with Jon in Prospect Park- coziest day ever.

Ordering tons of Ki Sushi with Jon at 158 15th. I miss the tofu cream cheese bagel place, the almond croissants and Reyes burritos

Talking to John Park on Clubhouse while waiting for Domino’s pizza

Spontaneously deciding to stay a night in a hotel, getting Jewish breakfast at Barney Greengrass and then walking down to Lincoln Center for the best halal

Met cloisters in Harlem, sitting under the cherry blossoms and then eating Dominican food and going to the Botanic Gardens

Taking a spontaneous trip back to Chicago, staying with Hayoung and revisiting my old neighborhood around Rush

Getaway excursion for Jon’s birthday. Celebrating with lychee and green tea roll, and roasting food on the fire pit (burnt pizza)

Taking a surfing class and being really afraid of the waves

Trying the fried rice ball in North Boston while Jon was away for the bachelor party

Driving up to Dartmouth for Connor’s birthday

Moving into my parent’s apartment and cleaning for like 2 days straight.

Going to the US Opens in Queens and getting dim sum really late at night in Flushing

My graduation! Driving all the way up to Ithaca right after Mid Autumn Morgan team event- going to meet Jon Olin, seeing Medium friends at CTB, taking a tour of the new Humec building and chatting with So-Yeon

Dressing up as Ash and partying at Good Room with Ami and Maya on my birthday

Going to Tiffany’s on my birthday and getting my first really expensive piece of jewelry with my mom

A lot of good times at Cindy’s apartment with Emily, Brian, and more

Thanksgiving dinner with my extended family, lots of crab, some karaoke and

Hosting my own dinner party and getting 2 more chairs from Harlem the morning of. burning pasta lol

Ended the year in Boston, getting closer with Miso and teaching him how to climb the stairs, and staying in an airstream for the first time and having really good seafood chowder

Highlights of 2021:

Learned how to 3D print, debug my printer, and solder prototypes

Actually have hobbies for the first time outside of work and career Building upper body strength- can finally do push-ups!

Got into the habit of running: running down to prospect park or across the Brooklyn Bridge

First time trying golf, tennis, surfing, and glamping

Converted to EY employee

Talked to my first Angel investor and VC Dealt with legal issues

Developed better relationship with my parents

Became friends with a lot of people!

Moved out of my first apartment & learning to live by myself

Went to concerts and raves by myself

2022 Goals:

Fitness: I would like to get to the peak of my fitness when I turn 25. This means shredding fat and getting to 110lb. This also means actually sleeping at least 7 hours a night

Career: Get promoted... and then quit. To work at a startup maybe or for Soulo to truly take flight.

Running: Run my first 5k and 10k Climbing: Start climbing v3 and v4s, and try outdoor climbing and ice climbing

Music: Learn basic jazz piano, compose my own piece, and learn basic guitar technique (strumming)

Improve my apartment: fixing the ceiling, adding lights and fixing the floor

Upgrading my life: Get better at makeup, and upgrade my style to be more sophisticated

Financial security:

Adopting a cat and learning to care for an animal!

Read 1 book

Looking back at 2021, I’m proud of the person I’ve become and also astonished as to how transformative this year has been. I’m a much more independent person, and live by myself now. I have more responsibility taking care of the apt by myself but living alone has allowed me to enjoy New York City to its fullest. I’ve been able to connect with so many more people by meeting friends of friends, go out late at night to drink at a bar or go to a concert. And I’m able to be spontaneous which is something I was working towards for this year- I can choose to go wherever I want whenever I want and the freedom to do that is so refreshing.

This year, I’ve forged my own identity and I have a clear understanding myself for the first time. I know what I’m good at (blue sky thinking, leadership, teaming and community) and what I want in my career (something related to startups). The affirmation that I received while working on Soulo was life changing and I miss that energy. I’m fearless because after talking to investors, I feel like there’s really nothing too complicated or too difficult to figure out. I’m more blunt, saying what I want and what I think directly simply because that’s how they communicate and not waste time. I feel grateful for all the experiences this past year and how it’s shaped me.

Looking ahead at 2022, I’m nervous to spend the entire year doing long distance and it feels uncertain as to where everything will end up. But at the same time, I know it’ll challenge me and give me space to grow myself in other ways. I’m looking forward to traveling to Europe, adopting a cat, growing my hobbies, and challenging myself in my career, and being reunited with Jon at the end of the year (and seeing how he’s challenging himself in his career). Hoping for a god year, here’s to 2022.

#p #year in review

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geniusgub · 4 years

Text

remedy//spencer reid

Hi there! So this is my first Spencer fic and while it’s nowhere close to the first thing I’ve written (I’ve been writing for almost seven years now), it’s the first Spencer fic I’m posting. Let me know what you think and let me know if you want anything like a part two or anything because I totally have an idea for that lol. Also let me know if you have any requests or just reach out if you wanna chat about our mans Spencer Reid or MGG or about anything at all.

Enjoy- like and comment!!!!

genre: fluff, angst, lil bit of smut but not much

word count: 8.2k

warning: nightmares, drugs (not use, just mentioning), overuse of pet names

This fic is inspired by Remedy by Adele so give that a listen while you’re reading okay now go!

SPENCER

"I can't believe we got these tickets!" Garcia exclaims, bouncing up and down in her seat. "Lottie Ray is one of my favorite singers of all time!"

"We know that, Garcia," Luke laughs, patting her shoulder. "You talk about her all the time,"

"Because she's talented and gorgeous and amazing and helps with charities and visits sick children and she's a goddess, Luke Alvez!" Garcia snaps, turning to the backseat to punch his chest a few times. I duck away from the physical violence and knock into the Prentiss, apologizing quietly.

"Alright, kids, calm down," Emily laughs. "We don't need a pre-concert fight,"

"Don't make a mess of my car!" Tara warns from the driver's seat.

"If this is any indications as to how the night is gonna go with you two then maybe I should go home," I joke, running my fingers through my newly short hair. I hadn't gotten it cut in a while so I figured now would be an appropriate time.

"So remind me how we're getting backstage?" Luke asks, turning his head to me.

"Backstage passes, that's what I was told," Emily answers with a nonchalant shrug. "FBI privileges. At least it's good for something,"

We arrive at the stadium and park our cars just as Matt and JJ pull up on either side of us with their families piled in their cars, Rossi and Krystall on the other side of one of them. Everyone jumps out of their cars and Rossi starts distributing backstage passes for everyone to wear around their necks, trying to tame the excited kids. They've been raving about this concert for weeks and now that it's here, they can't contain their energy.

"Come on, everyone!" JJ exclaims, waving the kids towards the entrance.

We flash our new badges and security lets us through, then we meet up with another security guard who brings us to a green room filled with food and drinks that just excites the kids even more. Nobody can seem to contain any of the kids as they go ravaging through the food in the room.

"So," the security guard at the door says, "if you all didn't know, Shawn Mendes is the opening act for tonight. He's starting a soundcheck on the stage in about ten minutes and then Lottie Ray is gonna do her soundcheck after, so you're more than welcome to go and watch it, if you want. Catering is a few doors down to the right if you get hungry, and just ask security if you need anything at all,"

We all mumble out our thank you's as the security guard disappears. Kristy and Will start pulling the kids away from the food so they don't make themselves sick as everyone makes themselves comfortable on the couches, and, of course, Emily locates some wine.

"Is this what it's like to be a celebrity?" Tara jokes as Emily fills up her glass. "I could get used to this,"

"We finally understand how Rossi lives," Matt adds on.

"Knock knock," there's a soft voice from the doorway and all our heads whip over.

Lottie Ray is standing in the doorway and I swear, my breath is knocked right out of my chest. I've never seen a more gorgeous human being in my life. Her smile is huge and her green eyes are shining, contrasting against her red satin and lace outfit that fits her perfectly. She's shifting her weight back and forth on her feet, telling me that her heels are hurting her feet, but she looks so happy that it's easy to ignore. Her long brown hair is curled down to her waistline and frames her doll-like face perfectly. She looks sinfully stunning.

The kids all gasp at the sight of the international superstar and she laughs, stepping further into the room. "Hi!" She grins, waving at the kids. "I heard we had visitors on tour and I just had to come say hi to you all before I go get ready! It's so wonderful to meet you all," The kids are absolute puddles in the face of Lottie and it's actually quite funny. I don't think I've ever seen them this quiet and compliant. "I hope you all come and watch soundcheck, it's always a lot of fun,"

"We'll be there," Garcia says, and it seems like she's in the same trance that the kids are.

"Alright," Lottie glances out the door for a moment, "I've gotta run and go get ready but I'll come visit again before the show," she blows a kiss and then starts heading out the door. "See you later!" And with that, she's gone.

As soon as she's gone, the trance is broken and the kids break into cries of excitement, raving about how they've just met their idol as they go running to hang on their parents. I'm still replaying the image of that angel in my mind and trying to keep myself under control, to keep my cheeks from blushing. She's just so beautiful.

"We should get to that soundcheck, right?" Krystall suggests after checking the time once more.

"Let's go, let's go!" The kids cheer and start running through the door, nearly toppling over anyone passing by in the hallway.

We all rush after them so they don't get lost, but when I spot Lottie rushing into a dressing room down the hall, I bite my lip. "Hey, Rossi," I say, nudging his arm. "I'm gonna go find a bathroom before soundcheck,"

"Sounds good," he waves me away, being pulled away immediately by his wife. I see them off until they've disappeared into the stadium, being led by a security guard to where they can sit and watch. And once they're gone, I hurry down the hallway.

I get to a door with Lottie Ray on the front and a handle with a number lock on it, so I quickly type in the month and year of my birthday, hearing the door unlock before pushing it open. Lottie whips around from where she's standing in the middle of the room, a smile breaking out on her face.

"You cut your hair," is the first thing she says before jumping into my arms, barely even waiting for the door to close.

"Do you hate it?" I ask, tucking my head into her neck, my arms tightening around her waist. I hear her heels clatter to the floor.

"I absolutely love it," she giggles, pulling away and placing her hands on my cheeks as she inspects my locks. "I've never seen you with short hair though. What am I supposed to pull on now?" Lottie smiles at me in the most innocent way, coursing her fingers through my hair, settling at the base of my neck.

"How about we find out?" I tease right back, carrying her to the couch in the corner of the room and tossing her down.

Lottie's eyes go wide as I reach for the button on her pants, pulling them down her legs. "What? Are you crazy?"

"Maybe a little," I quip, tossing the satin aside, taking in the sight of her in a lace bodysuit. "You're wearing red lace and expect me to keep myself under control?"

"Your team is outside and you wanna- we've kept this a secret for almost five years and you're gonna jeopardize that just so you can eat me out in my dressing room?" She protests, but her body says different as she slides her legs open when I lay on the couch in front of her.

"Nothing we haven't done before," I quip, pushing her bodysuit aside. She's looking down at me with her eyes wide and her lips parted, a beautiful and needy expression etched on her face. "And we've gotta make it fast, hmm? I told Rossi I was going to the bathroom,"

"I hate you sometimes," Lottie breathes out, tossing her head back.

Since she's not looking anymore, I take the moment to stun her and circle my lips around her clit, immediately earning a drawn-out moan. "Shh," I hush her, "we can't have everyone knowing what's going on in here. Now be a good girl and stay quiet for me."

///

"I can't believe you did that," Lottie breathes out, pulling on a pair of black workout pants and reaching for a sports bra.

I come out of the bathroom from washing my hands, smirking. "You can't say you didn't enjoy it,"

"You've gotta get back to your team, okay?" she grabs my cheeks and pulls my lips down to hers, now significantly shorter without her heels on. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," I echo, pecking her lips a few more times. "I'll see you later. Be safe,"

Lottie snorts, grabbing a hair tie from the coffee table as she follows me out the door. "You're telling me that, Mr. FBI? Mr. Shot In The Neck? Mr. Shot in The Knee? Mr-"

"Yes, I am, because you're the one who broke your foot on stage last year. So, yes, be safe," she wraps her arms around my waist from behind, leaving us waddling along to the stage, but she's laughing and that's all I care about. It makes my heart flutter and I've known for a while that I'd do anything to keep her beautiful smile on her face.

"I've gotta go get my in-ears," Lottie pouts, spinning around so she's in front of me. She goes on her toes to kiss me yet again, but when someone shouts her name, she pulls away, pouting. "I gotta go,"

She goes running off in one direction and so I go out the other way, just to not seem suspicious if the team catches me walking towards them. Thankfully, they're too invested in Shawn Mendes tuning his guitar on stage to notice which direction I come from.

"Uncle Spencer!" Michael exclaims as I walk over, jumping up and down, all of the kids sitting on the floor of the stadium as opposed to the seats, where the adults are.

"What's up, kiddo?" I smile, giving him a high five as I take a seat beside JJ and Will.

"This is super cool," Michael grins, pushing away his brother when he starts poking his shoulder.

"Look, look!" Henry whispers, interjecting himself into the conversation, pointing towards the stage. "There's Lottie Ray!" She's just walked onto the stage and approached Shawn, helping him with something with his guitar and we can faintly hear their voices and laughter through the microphone.

"You seem to really like Lottie Ray," Will speaks up with his normal lazy smirk. "You got a crush on her, Henry?"

His cheeks turn pink and it makes everyone laugh, but Henry just groans. "She's just pretty!"

"Henry's got a crush!" Michael mocks, sticking his tongue out at his older brother. "Henry's got a crush!"

/// LOTTIE ///

"Is this supposed to sound like this?" Shawn scrunches up his nose as he fiddles with his guitar.

I laugh, shaking my head, walking over to him. "No, not at all. Let me fix it," I grab his guitar from him and sit down on the stage, messing with the pegs and with his microphone until the sound issue is fixed. "There you go, love,"

"Thanks, Mom," he jokes, slinging his guitar over his shoulder.

"Oh god," I fake gag. "Stop making me feel so old. I can't do it anymore,"

As Shawn continues his soundcheck, I jump off the stage to chat with the dancers who are fooling around on the floor of the stadium, dancing around to the music. I jump right in with my best friends and twirl around, giggling as my body fills with adrenaline and endorphins. Shawn is finished soon and it's my turn, so I head to the sound engineers to grab a microphone and get back on stage. The first few songs aren't sung-through properly are just used to check for sound balance, but then the dancers come to the stage to do some songs full out and we have some fun.

I grab my own guitar and sing some songs, keeping my eyes from wandering over to Spencer. Since we've been together so long, many of my songs are about him. Well, almost all of the songs from my last few albums are about him. I always want to be singing my love songs directly to him, but our relationship is a secret and it needs to remain that way. So I keep my eyes forward and try to ignore his presence as best as I can.

Someone on the crew calls a hold on soundcheck so I put down my guitar and go to sit at the piano bench, retying my yellow tennis shoes. I hum to myself to pass the dead time and then I hear heavy footsteps approaching me. I look up just in time to see my best friend and dancer, Whitney, sprinting up to me, her eyes wide. "Mayday," she sneers through gritted teeth.

"Mayday? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I furrow my eyebrows, holding my microphone lazily in one hand.

Whitney tilts her head to where the BAU team is sitting and then repeats, "Mayday,"

My eyes mirror hers as I see what she means. My own mother, lovely Mrs. Kelsey Barlow, has just walked up to the team and is hugging Spencer and I can see the uncomfortable look on his face. Then she puts her hand over her mouth and, judging by the look on everyone's face, she's just exposed Spencer's relationship status. I hastily jump off the piano bench and rush off the stage, walking quickly over to the group, catching Spencer's panicked eye.

"Mom," she whips her head around to me, her eyes wide.

"I forgot!" She exclaims before hurrying off, breezing past me as she mumbles broken apologizes to herself.

I choke back a nervous laugh, turning back to Spencer with a smile. "Well, we had a good run, didn't we?"

"So-" the woman I recognize to be Penelope Garcia speaks up, "you two are- you're- what-"

"Um," I kneel on a chair in the row in front of Spencer, tapping on the armrest, "Spencer and I are dating,"

The surprise is clear on everyone's face but Spencer is obviously panicking, his hands clutching his thighs tightly. The whole point of keeping our relationship secret was to keep me safe. Yes, if Spencer's face was plastered all over the media because of paparazzi, it would make his life in the field and as a professor more complicated, because then going undercover would be impossible. But he's told me about how his family has been targeted because of him before and how he refused to let that ever happen again. So as soon as we met, we made sure to never be seen in public. We don't go out, we have secret credit cards if we ever go on vacations (which is incredibly rare, considering both of our schedules), and we always stay home for dates. Thankfully, it's worked. It's been five years and nobody has suspected a thing, not even his team full of profilers. But now, thanks to my mom, the jig is up.

"Dating?" Tara's eyebrows shoot up.

"For how long?" Luke asks.

"I'm sure Spencer could tell you exactly how long," I tease even though I know he won't pitch in, judging by his panicked look, "but we've actually been together for a little over five years." And if they looked shocked before, then they surely look shocked now. But Spencer is looking down at his lap and fiddling with his hands and it breaks my heart. "And now that everyone knows," I make another joke out of the situation to lighten the mood, "Spence, can you come help me with something? There's an audio problem and I'm sure you could probably fix it in two seconds," Spencer's head pops up and he nods, standing from his seat and walking past me. I catch his hand to keep him from completely walking away, smiling at everyone. "Soundcheck will keep going on just another few minutes, don't worry."

I jump off the seat and as soon as I do, Spencer pulls me backstage. I trail behind him, catching the way his free hand digs into his eyes, his hand in mine squeezing tightly. Once we're out of view from the team, I place my hand on his arm. "Sweetheart," I whisper as he leads me away from the stage, towards my dressing room. I know I need to be at soundcheck, but my family is more important to me than standing on stage and singing a few notes. He plugs in his birthday and throws open the door, stomping inside, and once we're safely in, that's when he drops my hand. Both hands then dig into his eyes and he grunts, flinching at the door slams closed.

"Hey, hey," I whisper, stepping closer to him, "baby doll, take a breath, you're okay. I'm right here, I'm safe,"

"They know," his voice shakes. "They know now and-"

"They're FBI agents and it's okay that they know. You've protected me for five years and they can help with that," I place my fingers gently on his biceps, hoping to soothe his panic just a bit, but it doesn't seem to help.

"Krystall's not, and Kristy's not, the kids aren't," Spencer whines, starting to break down. "I can't lose you, Lottie. I can't-"

"You're not gonna lose me," I promise. "They're your best friends and they deserve to know that you've got a girlfriend. It's okay, peach. Everything's gonna be okay. So just breathe, nice and deep for me,"

Spencer takes a shaky breath and slides his hands down his face, his eyes squeezed closed. He reaches one of his hands forward and places it over my heart, sighing of relief. "Okay," he whispers, almost as if reassuring himself that I'm actually here, "okay,"

"Spencer, can I hug you?" He nods quickly, and it doesn't even take me a second before I wrap my arms around his shoulders, feeling him bury his face in my arms. "I love you so much." I tell him for what could possibly be the millionth time, but it doesn't hold any less meaning than the first time. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

/// SPENCER ///

"There you are!" Garcia exclaims, practically pushing me into a chair as I walk into catering. "There. Sit your ass down and tell us what the hell is going on. You've been dating Lottie Ray for five years?"

"I-"

"Five years, Reid?" She cuts me off before I can even get out another word. "Like seriously? How did you even keep it a secret for this long?"

"We-"

"Does this mean that her songs are about you? Because she-"

"Garcia," Luke says, placing his hand on her shoulder to politely shut her up, "let him explain, please. We're all curious. Now shut up,"

And truly, everyone is staring at me. The kids are sitting at their own table a few feet away but all the adults are staring at me and it's making me nervous. But I look down at my hand and see the sharpie on my knuckles in Lottie's perfect handwriting. I love you, baby doll. It calms me down.

"You guys, um," I clear my throat nervously, "well, sorry I kept it a secret,"

"We're not mad," Emily says. "We just wanna know why,"

"I did it to protect her," I answer quickly, and it's obvious on everyone's faces that they understand what I mean. "All of our families have been targeted many times because of our jobs and I've lost people, I almost lost my mom a few years ago. I couldn't let that happen again. So as soon as I met Lottie, I told her we had to keep it a secret and she agreed,"

"Will you tell us how you met?" Kristy asks with a fond smile.

"Um, yeah," I nod softly. "Lottie was here, in Virginia. If you recall, five years ago, the media was ripping her apart and hating on her for all these fake allegations about lying and stealing songs and all these other things,"

"Oh, yeah. She wasn't involved in lawsuits, right?" Krystall adds.

"She was sued by over thirty other artists and won every lawsuit. But she came to Virginia to escape the harassment because there's no paparazzi here," I suppress my smile as I remember our first meeting. "We met two weeks after I got out of prison, in a bookstore, actually. I had no idea who she was. I knew all of her music from Garcia, but not what she looked like. She thought I was lying about not knowing who she was because she's so used to people being fake around her and lying to her and using her, but I truly didn't know. I didn't even know that people were being so horrible to her online. So we just sat in the bookstore and read books in silence together for a few hours and we did that for two weeks before I actually asked her out,"

"And that's it? Simple as that? That's how you started dating an internationally famous pop star?" Tara laughs.

"That's it," I shrug nonchalantly. "I asked her out and I made her dinner and then we started hanging out and we just started dating. She moved to Virginia permanently because she likes it here so much and she feels like she can be a normal person here, not a celebrity,"

"So what suspicious things have you done with her that you haven't told us about?" Matt teases with a smirk.

"Well," I stifle another laugh, "remember those few times when I claimed I overslept and missed the flight back to Virginia on those cases?" Everyone nods. "Intentional. We happened to have cases in the same places that Lottie had stops on her tour so, on those days, I'd miss our flight and go see her, then get my own flight back. We don't get to see each other much at all when she's on tour,"

"Sneaky, sneaky." Rossi nudges my shoulder, making me laugh. "When she is around, you've gotta bring her around for one of our team dinners,"

"I'm sure she'd like that," I reply softly. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys, that I've kept this secret for so long. I just- I really love her and I want to protect her."

The table is silent and I can't tell if that's a good thing or not. Does that mean they're mad? Does that mean they don't even need to accept my apology because an apology wasn't needed because they weren't mad in the first place? Am I overthinking? I don't understand.

"Where's the ring?" Will is the one who speaks up first.

My cheeks turn red, but when nobody else speaks up to protest the slightly invasive question, I gather that this is the question on the tip of everyone's tongue. "It's, um, it's in my apartment. Haven't found the right moment,"

Everyone's eyes go wide and I'm not sure if they were expecting that answering. After all, this is quite a lot of information for one day. In just an hour, they've found out that I'm dating a Grammy-winning singer and I'm ready to marry her. They thought that I've been single for years and I've been dealing with my trauma alone but in reality, I've been falling asleep on calls with Lottie and sneaking out like a teenager to meet up with her. I'd lay down my life to protect her and I don't know what I'd do without her.

/// LOTTIE ///

I stare out at the sea of fans chanting my name, my chest heaving after the intensive dance number I've just performed. My feet are aching from my huge heels but they always are so it's easy to ignore the pain and plaster on a smile.

"Alright," with a heavy sigh, I drag myself over to the piano and sit down at the bench, clipping the microphone into the stand. I play some chords on the piano before I start to play some melodies that just sound pretty, to underscore the speech I'm about to give. "The song I'm about to play isn't a song that's usually on the setlist," I say, glancing out at the thousands of fans before me, "but I usually add it when someone certain is in the audience and that someone is here tonight."

I look back down at my hands for a moment and take a deep breath before speaks again. "I wrote Remedy," my fans scream as I reveal what song I'm about to sing, "not as a song to put on an album. I wrote this song as a lullaby of sorts, and as a reassurance for my," I hesitate and bite my lip for a moment as I feel my eyes start to tear up, "for my someone, that I'd always be there for him. I'd always be there to love him, to make his pain go away, and to make the horrors of this world go away, even if it's for a little while. I'd do whatever I could to be his remedy. And I play this song whenever he sees the show because I don't want him to forget because I fear he will forget. I want him to remember that I love him and that," I gulp and play the first chord of the song, "I'm always gonna be here for him."

///

When I pull my in-ears out after the final song of the show, everything sounds like it's underwater. It's normal but I'll never get used to not being able to hear properly after a performance. My security guard is at my side and rushing me away from the stage, down the hallway, and towards a car that is waiting to take me home. It's key to get out of the stadium as fast as possible so that fans don't locate me and swarm me.

I jump in the backseat of this car and let out a sigh, laying down across the three-seater and closing my eyes. My ears are pounding as my hearing starts to make a comeback, and I drift in and out of sleep as a driver brings me back to my townhouse. I'm still dressed in my final stage outfit and I can't find it in me to care at the moment.

When we arrive at my small Virginia townhouse, it's nearing midnight as my security guard opens the car door and helps me to my aching feet, walking me to my front door before disappearing back into the car. There's classical music playing inside and it makes me smile, and when I hear footsteps, my heart skips a beat. Spencer comes into my view with his cute smile, his hands tucked into his pockets. "Hi, sweet girl,"

"Hi," I smile back, holding my arms out like a child.

He easily complies, stepping forward and pulling me into a tight hug. But he swiftly picks me up and prompts me to wrap my legs around his waist, and he goes off, carrying me up the stairs and towards my bedroom. "I've gotta get you out of this outfit and these damn shoes and into bed, right?"

"How was the show?" I mumble into his shoulder, feeling my adrenaline start to come down and my exhaustion kick in. "Did you like it? Did the team? Did the kids?"

"Everyone loved it. Emily and Tara were drunk by the time they left, and the kids had an amazing time. And you know that I always love watching you perform," he sets me down on the bed and starts to unzip my thigh high heels. "You pointed out that you always sing Remedy when I see your show but it always takes me by surprise when you sing it. It started out as you singing it to me when I have nightmares and now you sing it to stadiums full of thousands of fans. It's insane. And you know what else is insane? These shoes. How do you even walk in these?" He throws them aside and then reaches for the zipper of my bra top.

"Can we take a bath? I'm all sweaty but I don't wanna stand for a shower," I place my hands on his shoulders as he undresses me, giving him a cute pout, even though it's not needed because I know he'll say yes without a protest.

"Of course. Come on. Be careful," he leads me into the bathroom and runs a warm bath while I start to wipe off my makeup, grimacing as my throat starts to get sore from the hours of singing I just did. I feel Spencer's hands on my waist as the room gets steamy, his lips pressing against my shoulder blade. "Sometimes I'm so floored by your talent,"

"Stop," I blush, letting my head fall against his chest.

"Absolutely not," he quips, lips moving to my cheek. "Seeing you up on stage, dancing, and singing, and looking so happy, I'm so proud of you. And next week, you're gonna go to New York and win some Grammy's and make me even more proud of you,"

"I'm not gonna win," I pull away from his arms and step into the warm, bubbly bath, sighing contently. Spencer quickly undressed himself and steps in on the other side, facing me.

"You tell me every year that you're not gonna win and then you do," Spencer retorts, grabbing my ankles under the water to pull me closer to him. I fall over his chest and he wraps his arms around my waist again. "Some people in your position have the biggest ego, and you have the tiniest ego I've ever seen,"

"M'sleepy," I ignore the point he's trying to make in an effort to whine instead, my hands grasping his growing biceps.

"I know you are," Spencer coos, fingers brushing up and down my spine. "We'll get out in a few minutes. Just relax and then we get to bed,"

I've always loved this side of Spencer. When the sun sets and we're sleepy, we both tend to get cuddly and clingy, me more than him. He's happy to hold me and kiss me and never let me go and I'm happy to pine over him. The truth is, I've never loved anyone the way I love him. I thought I would spend my life around people who would use me for my money and society status and I'd have to fake a smile forever. I ever thought that my reputation would get ruined and I'd hide away in Virginia and meet the most adorable yet traumatized FBI agent who would happen to be the easiest person to fall in love with. I often find myself wondering how many people have fallen in love with Spencer because it's just so easy to. Sure, keeping my relationship a total secret isn't ideal, but it makes me feel like a teenager with all the secrets and the hiding and I have to admit that I love it. I love having dates on my balcony and hiding under the covers for hours on end and sneaking through back doors to kiss him. I never thought I'd meet someone like Spencer and I'm always pinching myself.

"C'mon, c'mon," Spencer whispers, and when he speaks, I've realized that I've dozed off on his chest. "Before you fall asleep again,"

I'm basically a rag doll in Spencer's arms as he helps me out of the tub and wraps a towel around me, then one around himself before pulling the plug for the tub. I wander into the bedroom and into my closet, pulling out one of Spencer's flannels that I'd stolen years ago, buttoning that up. I dry off my hair a little bit before climbing into bed just as Spencer flips the light off. He climbs in bedside me and pulls me close, kissing the top of my head. "Go to sleep, doll. You need lots after that performance." I don't even have it in me to respond and I just fall asleep right on his chest, exactly where we both know I belong.

///

Nightmares used to be much more common for Spencer at the beginning of our relationship. Unknowing to me, at first, when we met, he had just been released from prison after being falsely accused of murder and drug possession. He'd been locked inside with the criminals that he's spent his life hunting and he saw horrible things, and nightmares hit him like a ton of bricks.

He was broken when we met but he put on a brave face and told me that he was a profiler for the FBI, which was true in a way, even if he wasn't reinstated yet. He would see me during the day and plaster on a smile, then he'd go to sleep and wake up screaming as he relived what he saw in prison, that's what he eventually revealed to me. I cried when he told me that. I felt so guilty for not seeing through his facade because once he told me, it was clear.

I assumed the circles under his eyes were because he wasn't sleeping due to always working, not because he was having nightmares. I thought his hands shook because he was nervous to be on dates, not because he was experiencing PTSD, or PTSS as he would eventually correct me to say. I missed so many things and I just cried over him for hours, apologizing for not being there for him when he needed me. And Spencer held me so tight and he cried too and he told me that I make him happier than anyone he's ever met, and somehow, that cured any heartache I was feeling.

I hadn't realized how severe Spencer's nightmares were until I experienced one for myself. We didn't sleep in the same bed for the first three months we dated, and then I eventually was too tired to drive home and Spencer let me stay over. I was so excited to be wrapped up in his arms for an entire night that the thought of witnessing one his nightmares didn't even cross my mind, and I fell asleep as soon as my head hit Spencer's chest. He woke up crying out a name I'd never heard before, tears streaming down his cheeks as he thrashed around and grasped at the bedsheets, ripping them completely away from me. I woke up immediately and pulled him into my arms, cooing and promising that he was safe and everything was okay. We didn't sleep for the rest of the night because he was too scared to have another, to see the faces and places that so often plagued his nighttime.

I thought the nightmares stopped, or at least they became more sparse. Over the years, Spencer's time in prison became further and further away and while he never forgets a face, the faces seemed to get blurrier and the names he cried out became more jumbled, as if he was starting to become unsure if the syllables were correct. He still carries around his trauma like a suitcase with a broken wheel but he started therapy and it became easier for him to talk to me about his pain and he started to get better.

But then there are the hard days. There's the days where Spencer sees someone on the street who looks similar to someone he's killed on the job or someone who has hurt him, or the days when he has flashbacks, or the days when he spends hours staring at the crooks of his elbows, wondering if he should go find just one more vile of dilaudid to dull his pain. Or the day when his team finds out that he's dating an internationally famous singer- me. These send him into panic attacks that can last for minutes or hours or days. Panic attacks lead to nightmares, and that's the worst.

I know something is wrong when Spencer kicks me. He's always a relatively still sleeper and not much of a blanket hog, that's my job. He often complains over breakfast about how he awoke in the middle of the night to cold feet and my arm over his face, but always with a reassurance that he loves me regardless, usually pairing his words with a kiss and wandering hands.

So when I'm awoken by Spencer's leg jamming into mine, I'm wide awake. I let out a whine and reach for the lamp on the bedside table, flipping it on and refraining from whimpering at the sudden light. I rub my eyes and sit up, turning to look down at my sleeping boyfriend beside me. He's drenched in sweat and clutching the duvet in his hand, gradually pulling it closer to him. Whines and moans are growing from the back of his throat as his brows become tenser, and I let out a defeated sigh.

Spencer has explained to me many times that trying to wake him up from a nightmare will only make it worse and that's it's best if I just wait until he's awake to comfort him. Maybe that's the worst part, just watching him suffer. I have to watch him thrash around and listen to him scream names of those who have died because of him and I can't do anything until his body decides the trauma is enough for now.

He starts to kick his legs when his lips part and some mumbled words fall from his mouth, but I can't understand them. I watch helplessly as he progresses, pulling the duvet up to cover his face. This makes me panic and even though I've been instructed not to touch him or interfere with his dream, I fear he could smother himself. So I reach forward and pull back the blanket, flinching when his hand tries to smack mine away a few times. He's shouting names and whimpering and tears are pouring down his cheeks and I'd be lying if I said I'm not starting to cry too.

"Spencer," I breathe out, unable to witness this anymore. "Baby, wake up, please,"

He's crying out for help, reaching for someone who will never come. I'm right here but he's wishing for someone else, someone maybe on his team or maybe there's someone he's intending to help or maybe he's just needing to be held or maybe he's needing someone who's dead. But no matter who it is he's needing, he's crying out and his knuckles are white around the duvet.

Then his eyes fly open and his chest is heaving, and it's like time stops for a second. Spencer looks down at his hands and he releases the duvet from his iron grasp, lips parted as he takes shallow breaths.

"Spencer," I whisper, and he jumps at the sound of my voice. He's clearly forgotten that I was here. It's times like this that I hate my job and how I'm always traveling, how I'm not always around when he needs me. I'm holding myself together but I'm choking on my own sobs, holding out my hand to him. "It's okay, I'm here. You're okay, I've got you,"

Spencer reaches out a shaky hand and takes mine in his, collapsing into my arms in a heap of heavy cries. I hold him as tight as I can bear, rubbing his back as he tucks his face into my shoulder. I squeeze my eyes shut as I shush him, feeling his body completely meld into mine.

"Spencer, you're so-" I gulp, clutching his tee-shirt, "you're safe. It was just a dream, you know that. You're right here with me,"

"It seemed so real," Spencer cries. "It hurts,"

"Shh, darling, I know it does, I know it really hurts you," I lift my head and bring my hand to his cheek, lifting his head too. I wipe his tears with the sleeve of my flannel, or his flannel, and my heart breaks even more when I see how devastated he looks. "Why don't we go take a seat on the balcony and get some fresh air? That usually helps, doesn't it?"

Spencer nods and untangles himself from me and the duvet, heading towards the door on the other side of the bedroom. I grab a fresh blanket on the way out, one that's not covered in sweat and tears, and watch Spencer sit down in an armchair, giving him a weak smile. "Do you want me to go make some tea?"

"No, I don't wanna be alone yet," Spencer shakes his head, looking up at me with bloodshot eyes. "Will you sit with me?"

I nod and move to sit on his lap, knowing the physical contact will keep him grounded and will prevent him from getting lost in his dream again. His eidetic memory has been leaning on the cursed side than the blessing side lately, meaning that every image of what Spencer saw in prison is so vivid. Sometimes he has trouble telling what's real and what isn't and I have to remind him. Sometimes he asks, sometimes I have to become the profiler and figure out when he's struggling. But that's hard when I'm always so far away from him.

"You know," Spencer keeps his gaze out on the dark sky as he speaks, placing one of his hands on my thigh, "a few weeks ago when you were in Germany?"

I keep my eyes on him, nodding slowly. "Of course I remember. What about it?"

"I called you," his voice is meek and quiet, wavering and cracking. "It was the middle of the night here and I called you and you didn't pick up,"

I furrow my eyebrows at him, tilting my head. "Spence, honey, I called you back ten minutes later. I told you then, I was in an interview. I couldn't answer my phone,"

"I know," he whispers, fingers tightening around my thigh. "But I had a nightmare," he lets out a shaky breath as a new wave of tears falls down his cheeks. "They've been coming back so much worse and it sucks to be without you and I hate waking up alone and I called you because I needed you and-"

"Spencer," I hush him, wiping his cheeks again when he starts to get worked up.

So he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. "I- you didn't pick up, and I was crying and I didn't know what was real. You know- everything looked all, you know, tunnely and blurry and I just- I needed you and you didn't answer and I was in so much pain,"

My chest feels tight and I can only imagine where this is going. Spencer has been wearing long sleeves since we saw each other for the first time yesterday but he's wearing a tee-shirt now, but the thought never crossed my mind that he relapsed. It never has. I always had confidence in him, but now? This moment is the only time when I'm scared that the road in front of us is bumpy and narrow and full of spikes and potholes.

"Spencer," I breathe out, putting my hands on his cheeks, bringing his gaze to mine. "Please tell me you didn't," His jaw tightens under my grasp and he doesn't speak immediately. He's breathing heavily under my hold and it does nothing to increase my confidence in his sobriety.

"I got dressed," he finally forces out. "I changed my clothes and I put on shoes and I was crying but I got my keys and I left my apartment." With just that, I collapse into his arms, burying my face in his neck and crying. "I don't know where I was thinking I could go but I just left my apartment. But- but then you called me," I lift my head at his words, eyebrows furrowed. "You called me right as I got outside and you were laughing at something and you just started telling me this story about how you made homemade pizza the night before with Carly and Whitney and I just- I went back home,"

"You didn't relapse?"

"No," Spencer shakes his head. "You called me and just talked to me about nonsense and you just reminded me how much I love you and how disappointed you'd be if I put such horrible stuff into my body ever again,"

My lips quiver as I nod, tears pouring down my cheeks. "Yeah," I lay my fingers on his cheeks delicately, "I'm so proud of you, baby. You're so strong,"

Spencer scoffs. "Doesn't feel like it," he looks back out at the city lights and sighs. "Is that tea offer still on the table?"

"Of course," I bring his gaze back to mine, but his eyes are glossed over. "Tell me you love me," He hums in confusion, eyebrows furrowed. "You heard me. I just wanna hear it. Just, please, tell me you love me,"

"Lottie, I love you so much," Spencer whispers, turning his head to press his lips to the palm of my hand. "I love you,"

I smile happily, content with that answer. "I love you too. I'll be right back,"

I crawl off of his lap and cover him with the blanket before hurrying inside, scurrying down the flight of stairs to the kitchen. The first floor is almost pitch black and it's only now that I notice it's four in the morning. Shaking off my exhaustion, I put on a kettle and grab two tea bags from the cabinet, happy that I have at least something in the food realm after being on tour for a few months. I carry the steaming mugs up the stairs and stifle a yawn, grumbling when I stub my toe against the top stair. But I make my way back into the bedroom and close the door with my foot, returning to the brisk balcony with my shaky boyfriend.

He's still staring off at the city as I set the mugs on the little table, taking a deep breath. "I didn't put anything in your tea," I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest. "Didn't think you wanted anything too sweet-"

"Will you marry me?"

If I was still holding the mugs, I would have dropped them. My eyes widen and my mouth goes dry, and it takes me a minute to form a coherent thought. But all I force out is, "what?"

"Will you marry me?" Spencer repeats, turning to look at me. "I've been waiting for the right moment to ask for a long time now and I just- no moment is ever gonna be the right moment, is it? And I just can't wait anymore," he moves the blanket off his lap and stands, and I notice now that he's holding a ring box in his hand. He must have grabbed it from inside while I was making tea. "I've never loved anyone the way I love you, Lottie. I wanna wake up next to you every morning and I wanna be your husband and have a family with you and grow old with you- I want that. I never thought I'd ever get that but now I have you and I never wanna let you go. I want to be by your side forever, even when you're stealing the blankets," I let out a laugh through my tears, reaching my hands up to wipe them with my sleeves. "So what do you say?" He seems genuinely nervous that I'll say no. But why would I spend five years of my life professing my undying love for this man just to deny his marriage proposal?

I sniffle, a smile creeping onto my face. "Are you gonna get down on one knee?" Spencer smiles, nodding as he leans on his knee that didn't previously get shot, opening up the ring box to reveal a beautiful jewel to me. The moment becomes real and a new wave of tears rolls down my cheeks. Spencer's crying too and it's just all too perfect. I reach my hand forward to wipe his cheeks. "Ask me again," I whisper.

Spencer catches my hand on his free one, kissing my knuckles. "Lottie, will you marry me?"

"Yes," I answer quickly with a sharp nod. "Yes, Spencer, of course, I will," The biggest smile breaks onto his face and he lets out a sigh of relief, jumping up and pulling me into a hug. He lifts me off my feet and spins me around, eliciting a giggle from me.

"Wait, let me put it on you," Spencer mumbles excitedly, setting me back down before pulling the ring out of the box and throwing it onto the floor.

He slides the ring onto my finger and it fits perfectly but I should have expected that from him. I think I told him once what my ring size was during a dress fitting for the Oscar's and, of course, he remembered all these years. He's amazing, this man.

"God, Spencer, I love you so much," I grab his cheeks and pull his lips down to mine, taking in every inch of him that I can. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler #mgg #matthew gubler

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toomanysurveys9 · 3 years

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A Art: When was the last time you painted something? I don’t even remember. Adventure: When was the last time you really felt alive, and what were you doing? Family vacation to TN with the family this past Memorial day weekend. It was a nice break from the “real” world. Allergies: What is one thing that you are allergic to? Grass. It fucking sucks. Answers: What is one question you would like an answer to? Why me? Age: What has been your favorite age so far? As much as I don’t like getting older... I love being a mom. So now.

B What month is your birthday? September. I’m 28 this year. Have you ever played house inside a big box? Probably. Are you boisterous? Definitely not. Have you ever dated a bad boy? Kind of, I guess. Name one thing you like that is blue: Blue moon ice cream. C Cinnamon–yay or nay? Usually I enjoy it.

Chocolate: do you love it? I have to be in the mood for it. Name one favorite type of candy. Lately I’ve been craving skittles and gummy candies. Children: Name one favorite thing to do with kids while babysitting. Movie night with drinks and snacks! Carefree: Are you carefree? Definitey not. D When was the last time you danced like no one was watching? A few weeks ago with the kiddos. Do you daydream? I do. Dreams: What is one of your dreams? Have my own marriage and family therapy practice.. What is one thing you are currently dreading? My ultrasound tomorrow. I’m SOO excited but I am also dreading it because I’m always afraid they’re going to say my baby is gone.. Even though I can feel her move now. It still scares me. Or that they will tell me something is wrong with my baby. Name something delicious. Smoothies. E Would you ride an elephant if given the opportunity? I have once when I was younger and my mom took my siblings and I to the circus. Do you live life on the edge? I don’t think so. Name something you like to eat: These days.. watermelon. Do you believe in everlasting life? No. I wish. But no. Name something that comes easy to you. Being a mom.. usually. F Name a fragrance you like. There are several from Bath and Body! Are you a free spirit? I don’t think so, no. Are you fickle? No. Are you hiding your feelings from someone? I mean.. maybe. Name one flavor you like. Hm. Caramel. G Are you gentle? Yeah. I think so. Are you generous? I try to be.. but I could probably do better. Name something green. Cucumber. Name a famous giant. The Iron Giant! Are you a girl? I am. H Are you generally a happy person? I’m happier now than I used to be. The days I want to go back to self-injury are further between each other. Do you honor the holiness of the day? No. Do you believe in Heaven? No. I wish. Name one thing you are hoping for. Our ultrasound to go well tomorrow. Name one thing you hate. Not having our own house even though it’s our house. I Imagination: Write the name of one of your imaginary friends from when you. were younger. Pebbles. From the Flintstones. Issues: Name one magazine you subscribe to, if there is any. Family Therapy Magazine. Internet: Name one website you visit often. Facebook and my school website. Itinerary: List one place you would like to visit. Italy. Interest: Name one thing that interests you. Marriage and family therapy. J Are you joyful? Eh. I dont’ know about joyful. When was the last time you were filled with joy? Watching my kids have fun when we went to the pool last Friday. Can you jump high? No. Name one girl’s name that starts with a J that you like. Jenna. Name one boy’s name that starts with a J that you like. Jacob. K Have you ever been kissed? Yup. Have you ever feared that you would be killed? Something like that. Are you kind? I try to be.

Who is your kindred spirit? I don’t know.

Name one thing you liked as a kid. Playing house with my sister. L Do you love someone? Yes. My kids. Jacob. The rest of my family. My friends. Do you live out loud? I don’t think so. I feel like I live pretty quietly compared to others. Also. This question made me think of my boss/the owner of the company I work for because her Facebook bio thing says something about coming to live out loud. Do you read food labels? Occasionally. Name something local that you like. Our local ice cream place!

List one thing you like to do at the lake. Swim. M Do you like… monkeys music musicals mansions miracles N Do you want something…. new nice neat never-before-seen nature-inspired O How old are you? 27. What is the last great opportunity you missed? I missed a deadline for joining this group I wanted to. Hopefully I get an invite again next year. Name one thing you like that’s orange (besides oranges). Orange sherbet. Are you open? Not so much in person. Name something odd. My cat, Arlo. Lol. He’s the best though. P Are you… patient perky pale peaceful passionate Q Do you own a… quilt quail queen-size bed quill pen book of questions R Do you like to… run rave riddle rhyme rap S Are you ever… shy sensitive secretive sure stable T Are you… ticklish trouble tall thankful tactful U Have you ever… ridden a unicyle used an umbrella visited an uncle been undecided played a ukelele V Do you own a… violin vehicle violet dress vampire cape veil for a wedding dress W What is something you wish for? Cures for so many illnesses. Wonder: When was the last time you opened your eyes in wonder? I don’t know. Name five words you like. I’m too tired to think that much. What is something you wonder? Why they picked me. Name someone who thinks you are worthless. MEEEE. X Have you ever… played a xylophone had an x-ray enjoyed exercise had excision surgery been excluded Y Are you young? I’m 27. So ish. Are you youthful? I guess so. Did you have a big yard growing up? Not really. But it was enough for us. What did you do yesterday? I worked. Came home. Took care of my kids and my parents kids. Took care of Jacob because he wasn’t feeling well like I haven’t been. Do you like yams? I’m not sure I have had them but just the name makes me not want to. Z Zeal: What are you passionate about? Mental health. Which is hilarious considering my own. Zing: Do you like raspberry lemonade? I do! What’s your favorite zoo animal? Monkeys. All the monkeys. Do you own anything from Zales? My wedding ring set... that has now been lost. List a name that starts with a Z. Zelda.

#survey #surveys #personal #question #questions #random

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #303

“if i can’t be loved, then i’ll be hated”

What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Candy corn or conversation hearts? They're both gross, don't make me pick between garbage. Do you own a lot of earrings? Not really after I weeded them out before moving. What did your backpack in high school look like? I dare say I had the dopest backpack of them all. It looked like a massive Ouija board, and the zipper was the planchet (sp?). Have you ever been to a rave? Nah. What is your favorite art medium? I have a particular fondness of oil paintings. They tend to look so smooth, and you can achieve incredible realism with them. How far away is the nearest hospital from you? Not even five minutes, I think. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My mom. What is your favorite car color? Pink, duh. How did you learn to type? We actually had a class specifically for typing in middle school. What style of wedding dress do you want? I don't have that set in stone yet, but I really do love ballgown dresses with long trains as well as a-lines with a moderate train. I love a lot, except really for mermaid dresses. Do you fit into any stereotype, or are you non-stereotypical? I don't know if I fit perfectly into any and really don't care. Would you want your first child to have your hair color? ???? I don't care about their hair lol?????? It would depend on the hypothetical father, in which case I'd probably find it cute, but this is so, so unimportant. Do you enjoy writing in cursive? Yeah, it just feels good and flowy to me. What is your favorite hair color? Natural? Probably blonde with natural darker undertones throughout. I like blonde hair because it's far easier to dye, haha. Now, if we're including DYED hair, rose gold or pastel pink is *chefs kiss* What is your favorite eye color? Sapphire blue, probz. Would you put your birthday on a different day if you could? Nah, it's fine where it is. What holiday is your birthday closest to? Valentine's. Do you vent on social media a lot? NOOOOOOOO. I barely post ANYTHING about myself on social media because I feel like I'm being annoying, self-absorbed, find anything I do actually interesting, or don't want people to think I'm a whiner. All I ever really do on social media is share or reblog funny shit, things I love, stuff I find relatable or inspirational, educational, important for whatever reason, etc... Do you have abusive parents? I am very thankful to say no. Is your house haunted? Doesn't seem like it. What's your favorite thing to watch on YouTube? I'm in a real WoW-related phase lately... Watching my favorite streamers, gold farming guides, and other various aspects of the game. What are five health problems that you have? I talk about the mental issues enough, so I guess I'll talk about physical stuff here. Uhhh I have very low blood pressure (it's a med side effect), I have extremely weak legs following muscle atrophy, I have bad tremors, especially in my hands (amplified by medication once again), maybe TMI but we're adults here and it's a legit issue that I have chronic and severe conspitation, aaaand then of course I have hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) to a fucking outrageous and also humiliating degree. Ooooonce again as a prescription side effect. This answer made meds sound kinda bad, I know, but really, I'd rather have the will to live and just have to deal with these than want to die everyday and not. Do you have surgery coming up? No, let's keep it that way until I lose enough weight and when I am 110% getting loose skin removal. Which family member(s) do you look the most like? My sisters, ig. People say my mom also, but I honestly don't see it. Have you ever cried while watching a YouTube video? Yeah, usually just in let's plays, but it's happened for other reasons. Are you missing a website that just shut down? Nah, none that I know of. NO. FUCKING WAIT. So, when my laptop was fixed, a LOT of shit was wiped from it, and that included all of my goddamn Lightroom editing presets. The site they were from no longer exists, so I had to use a different, pretty sub-par one to install at least a few because it helps me get a start on editing the photograph and leaning towards the "vibe" I want before spending like 15+ minutes tuning it myself. Would you be a barefoot bride? No. Which would you rather name your daughter: Eliana, Echo, Emerald, or Ellery? Ohhh, I like these. I think I prefer "Eliana," but "Echo" is a close second. "Ellery" is nice, but it sounds too much like "celery" to name my kid that lmao. Which would you rather name your son: Maverick, Matthew, or Moses? Ugh, none, honestly. But "Matthew" wins. When was the last time you gave a speech? Like a *legit" speech? Probably not since uhhh... I guess when I argued my disability case at court? Does that even count? Have you ever been in a stampede? Well, never seen this'n in a survey before, so good job, lol. No. If you were a fairy, what color would you like your wings to be? It would depend on what I wore, really. And my hair. But probably light pink. Would you rather name your son Storm, Skylar, Sorin, or Solomon? "Sorin." "Skylar" is SO Southern, and "Solomon" sounds like the creepy kid all his classmates avoid and I ain't putting my kid through that. Did you read a devotional this morning? Not my jam. Would you rather be named Arizona, Alaska, Cali, or Georgia? Hm... "Alaska" is actually kinda cool???? And I'm white as fuck so lol????? I wouldn't mind to nickname of "Ally," anyway. Are you repulsed by ugly reptiles? lololol bro get out Did all your friends know about your first crush or was it a secret? I was definitely secretive and shy about it when I first started getting crushes. Do you ever feel insecure about going out without makeup? I feel insecure either way, so... How many different natural hair colors are there in your immediate family? So, this is a hard question to answer. My mom was born with brown hair, but it darkened to almost black; only her daughter Katie inherited that. By some genetic magic, Dad had blond hair as a kid, but it also turned black. Like... how?????? I was born with dirty blonde hair like him, and mine turned an average brown with age. My immediate sisters have always had brown hair. What is your favorite online game? World of Warcraft is ballin'. Would you ever want to be famous and sign autographs? Ha, the idea of signing autographs is awful... I can't physically write very long without my carpal tunnel flaring up. Do you like your shirt to be loose or tight? LOOSE. Especially as a bigger person, tight shirts are just really uncomfortable. What is your favorite Spanish name? I don't know nearly enough to answer this. Would you rather visit Asia or Europe? I think Asia is, in general, more interesting and prettier as a whole, but I guess I'm drawn to European culture being more like my own and there are specific locations I'm interested in, like Germany or Scotland. So to answer the question, I guess Europe wins. Are there any Asians in your family? I don't believe so. Have you ever had colored braces? Haha yeah, I did that when I had them. Do you take birth control pills? Yes, just for period cramps. Without them, they can be immobilizing for me. If you live in the USA: do you feel free and safe? Ha, no. Well, not *entirely*. Have you ever been sick on your birthday? I was recovering from the stomach virus, if that counts. As in I still got sick the day before and felt iffy on my actual bday. 17th, I think? Is talking about your past painful for you? Yes. Are you a member of any support groups online? I'm a member of The Mighty site, if that counts. When I'm feeling very, very sound of mind and helpful without all the negativity being a detriment to myself, I do like going on there and trying to help or comfort people. Have you ever called a suicide hotline? Yes, and the line was busy, and that's when I decided I was a goner. Do you ever fantasize about revenge? I uhhhhh... sometimes. What's a movie you would recommend to someone who never watches movies? Ohhh, that's hard. I don't really watch movies either, and I'm trying to think of one that essentially anyone would like, so hm. Oh, Coco is absolutely a possibility. That movie touched me so, so deeply and is high on my favorites list. It's impossible to not feel the emotions. Do you want to have grandkids? Hell, I don't want kids. Do you want to be an aunt or uncle? I already am one, and I love being an aunt. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I don't remember their names or characters in general. Did you make a lot of home videos growing up? I mean *I* didn't, but Mom filmed quite a few. Do you enjoy babysitting? NO. What's an unpopular opinion that you have? Avoiding some political ones, uhhhh. OH. HERE'S ONE. THE SCENE AESTHETIC IS FUCKING CUTE AND NOT CRINGEY AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. Are you attracted to the opposite gender, same gender, or both? Both are A+. Was your first crush on someone of the same gender or opposite? Opposite. As a kid, I didn't even fathom the concept that women could date women. What is something you'll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. Fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Besides the very obvious answer of "Covid," I worry about my mom a lot. She's so weakened after all the chemo and meds and can do literally less than I can without heavily breathing and sweating. I just worry a lot that cancer will return sooner than we hope; I don't want it to EVER come back, but doctors say it is very, very likely at one point or another because she was so very close to Stage 4. What would be your personal hell? Being completely and entirely isolated forever while somewhere hot and humid, lol. And play one of my trigger songs on repeat eternally. What made the "weird kid" at your school weird? There was this poor guy named Alfred that was VERY clearly depressed out of his mind, and I heard him speak maybe once through all of high school, and the entire class couldn't believe it. He always sat way in the back and never smiled. I wonder how he is nowadays. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" personally offends me the most when misused and spoken as an insult. What instantly puts you to sleep? Now that is HARD to do; I have a ridiculously hard time going to sleep. The easiest way though would probably be me being drained from an emotional breakdown. That is so exhausting that I'm capable of crashing pretty fast and hard. What song is in a language you don't speak, but you love it anyway? I adore Rammstein, so there's plenty. I'll probably say "Donaukinder" is their best. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? I keep that I RP a complete secret in my "real" life for this reason unless it's like, pried out of me. What's a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. See how goddamn disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that's ever happened to you? Ha, realizing I was bisexual after once being homophobic. What is the funniest fact you know? Oh man, I know a lot of random trivia shit, really, so it's hard to say. Maybe that quokkas throw their offspring at predators to distract and escape from them... As awful as that is, c'mon, you gotta admit it's funny and shocking with just how adorable they are. What was your 'mic drop' moment? Oh, I don't know. Possibly when I publicly came out as bi on Facebook and made it abundantly clear that I gave no shits about some homophobic friends and family & I was beyond willing to let anyone's ass go over it. What's the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a kid at McDonald's, the woman in front of our car paid for our food; apparently seeing a mom, dad, and three kids in a van was enough that she wanted to just be kind and give us a smile. We have no idea who she was, never saw her face or anything, she was just a sweet woman. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? Okay, I'm going to let go of all hatred for my body weight-wise and just think of this as from a strictly natural design perspective, in which case I'd say my toes are too small. What age are you afraid of turning and why? 30, because I'm terrified of getting there and seeing I've possibly gone nowhere. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? I'm keeping this question in just because I think there could be some interesting answers for others, but I'm witholding my answer because nobody wants or needs to know lmao. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting better than others and belittling. Who's a villain you sympathize with and why? D A R K I P L I E R because of his origins and overall purpose and just simply existing. What is something you regret to NOT have done? I have this oddly weird regret of not going like, all-all the way with He Who Shall Not Be Named????? Idk why though????? Considering I loved him way too much and I was a reckless and impulsive person who probably at some point would have wound up accidentally pregs????? What a fuckin trip that woulda been. What movie changed your life for the better? None have really "changed my life." What book you think should be directed as a film? Oh, idk. Most I can think of have been. Of all the decades you've lived in, which one have you liked best? The 2000s, probably. A carefree kid. How are you doing today? I'm exhausted. While out with Mom and my sisters yesterday, we got behind a van whose driver was obviously drunk or high off his goddamn ass, and he was swerving EVERYWHERE, nearly shoving so many cars off the road. Mom called 911 to get in contact with highway patrol to report his dumb fucking ass in. I was having an absolute panic attack and cried quietly like the entire 45 or so minute drive home. I was just so, so upset because this is why I don't fucking drive, and I felt like I'd made my sister (who was driving) mad because she had to firmly tell me I had to calm down (I was hyperventilating and talking to myself to try to calm down) if she was going to focus and keep us safe. She later ensured me she wasn't mad, but I still wasn't the same the entire rest of the day. Anyway, I slept hard last night but had two nightmares, so I'm still really tired today. I'm trying to keep myself really distracted. What's something your relatives don't know about you? A whole lot really, considering beyond my very immediate family, I see almost nobody because they live many states away. What's something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Mom would spank us or slap an arm pretty hard if my sisters or I misbehaved or "disrespected" her by "talking back." I'm not having kids, but I would never, ever, ever, put my hands on them in any way that isn't loving. You do not teach children via inflicting fear. I also have this probably overly strong aversion to beer because that's what Dad always drank as an alcoholic. I'll probably never try it, not that I really want to because it smells awful. What's the most annoying thing your pet does? I feel like "annoying" is the wrong word for this, but Roman (my cat) can be incredibly demanding of attention and to lie on me when I'm on the laptop in bed, and sometimes I just want space and be able to clearly see the screen, haha. He will legit meow like a baby and gently swat my arm sometimes if I try to keep him back. Heeee usually gets his way. As for Venus (snek), she does nothing "annoying" either, but rather a bit concerning to a snake mom: she is usually very slow to find and strike her food. I feed her frozen/thawed mice, and she will first slither around her entire cage, tongue flicking and clearly looking for her food, even though I always place it atop the same spot on her hide, and she can have her head RIGHT beside it and still do nothing. She ultimately generally eats (as a ball python though, she's a picky eater and will occasionally reject a meal), but I of course wonder why she's odd about dinnertime... As a champagne, she does have the notorious "spider gene" in her, which can cause neurological issues, but idk if something like this could be related.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''rise rebel resist'' by otep

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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817

Does it make you nervous when someone does something dangerous showing off? If it’s something supposed to be taken seriously, like an athlete doing a risky ice skating spin, then I’d be nervous in that I don’t want them to fail. But if it’s someone doing something rather foolish like doing a moonsault off a roof or putting out a candle with their bare fingers, the mischievous side of me will silently half-wish something goes wrong haha. Have you ever had to take a pee test? You mean a urinalysis? Yeah. Angela’s doctor mom suspected I had UTI a few weeks ago so she had written up a recommendation for me to take a ‘pee test,’ as you put it. Have you ever had to supply someone with clean pee? I mean, I did for the aforementioned urinalysis lol. And what do you mean by clean pee? How is that different from dirty pee? Lmao Are you a bit of a nerd? Guh, I loved calling myself this is a teenager...because...y’know...I was a teenager and wanted to sound cool and ~not like the other girls~ lol but I was definitely trying too hard at the time. I don’t consider myself a nerd now and I don’t think I ever was. Are you in charge of cleaning anything in your household? Just my own dishes for the most part, but that’s it.

Are you good at HTML? At one point I was, because it was once a common practice on Tumblr to customize your themes, add your own pages, and basically just mix up your blog. I dunno if normal Tumblr still does this haha but if I tried to do this today I’d be rusty for sure. Ever carved/written anything on a park bench? Nope. I always feel like I’d get caught. Most interesting place you've ever visited? I’d say Shanghai was the most interesting mostly because it was SO incredibly first-world and the whole place was just so modern, so technologically forward and the experience was so jarring considering the dumpsite I live in. It was very daunting seeing all the bright lights, people dressing up so well, luxury shops on every corner, and how rich their nightlife was. Have you ever had anything tailored? Yes, my lola knows how to do that so whenever I need my clothes adjusted I’d just ask her to do it. Fan of Walton Ford artwork? Ever even heard of him? Nope, haven’t heard of him. Do you keep your eyebrows more thick or thin? I never get my eyebrows done; I don’t find it necessary. They’re naturally on the thick side, but from years of trichotillomania and plucking my left eyebrows, the hair eventually never 100% came back and the end of that eyebrow has juuuust a bit of a bald patch on it. It’s only noticeable for those who know about my trich, but still. What color is your bedroom door? It’s brown, but the bottom part sports a lot of chipped-off paint due to my dog scratching on it to get in and out of my room for the last twelve years. Do you value your personal space, or do you hate being alone? I value both since I tend to need either at different points. Have you ever been hunting? Never. Your take on one-night stands? Are they okay? You do you, and it’s definitely okay. It’s just not my thing. Do you always wear a bra? Not when I’m at home. I for sure haven’t worn one in a while due to the pandemic forcing me to stay home, but I did wear a bra when I went to the hospital a couple of weeks ago. Felt so weird lol. Do you have a wrist watch? No. I always lose them under my watch (hehe) so I just stopped wearing them altogether so that I don’t keep wasting my parents’ money :/ Do you usually jog or go for walks? I’ll sometimes go for walks, but for leisure. I don’t think of them as workouts at all. Could you be happier? Yeah, I think this is how most of us, if not all of us, feel.

Don't you just love aerial views? Like...from airplanes? Yessss, I love them a lot. When my dad books flights for us I always call dibs on a window seat as I never get tired of seeing cities and towns from the sky. Do you own a pair of Dr. Martins? As far as I know it’s Martens, and no I don’t. I’ve always thought they were too chunky for my liking. Do you like wine? Hate it, I never liked its bitter taste. My girlfriend and some of my aunts love wine though so sometimes I’ll have a glass or two and pretend to like it so I can spend time with them haha. Do you scrapbook? Nope. We do have scrapbooks at home, but it was my mom who made all of them for mine and my siblings’ baby photos. Have you ever been told not to do something you desperately wanted to do? Of course. ^ did you listen? Not always. Why are the angry birds so mad at the pigs? ...I don’t care. I never played the game actually. Would you feel bad about breaking up with a kid on his birthday? Kid sounds weird in this sentence lol, and yeah I’d say that’s a pretty shitty thing to do. There are 365 days in a year and unless my significant other has been an abusive shithead, I’d pick a date other than their birthday to break up with them. Have you ever sung anyone the happy birthday song? On their birthday, I guess...? How many followers do you have on Twitter? At the moment, 722. Do you like Hello Kitty? Not really. Have you ever won on one of those grabber machine things? Not that I can recall. My sister has always been the one better at those than me, she wins something every time. Though there was one time I was at the arcade and was just fucking around with the claw machines until I saw a kimono-wearing Hello Kitty left behind in one of them; I figured someone won it but didn’t want it, so I gleefully took it and gave it to my sister who’s super into Hello Kitty AND anything Japanese haha. Is there an actual word for those? I call it the claw machine. Have you seen the movie Remember Me? I never have but I remember wanting to because Robert Pattinson is in it, heh. Do you like thunderstorms? Love them. I can see myself living somewhere where it rains all year round. Have you ever been horseback-riding? I’ve ridden a horse before but I don’t think it counts as horseback-riding? It was part of the itinerary on one of our trips to Tagaytay nearly a decade ago, and a skilled rider was maneuvering the horse for me. I was like 12 and didn’t know any better, but today I absolutely wouldn’t take part in some tourist attraction thing that would use and tire out animals. Have you ever seen your naked back? I’ve had to turn around and look at it in the mirror a few times because I have scoliosis and I had wanted to see the point where my back starts to curve. Are you gonna French kiss your hubby at your wedding? Noooooo. I hate doing PDA myself so I’ll likely be sheepish at my own wedding actually, considering the fact that I wanna invite like 400 people lol. Do you think girls generally look better with their natural hair color? I don’t base attractiveness off of hair color, so I don’t really care. Who is the last person you held hands with? Gabie. Was ages ago though. Would you agree that wedding cake is so much better than any other cake? (: I mean, wedding cake isn’t even a type of cake lol. I think cheesecake is the superior cake, though. Do you feel awkward with strangers in elevators? Not at all. It’s a lot more awkward if I know the person but am not close with them or don’t know them all that well, so then I’d have to spend the next few seconds figuring out if I wanna make small talk or just ignore them altogether. Do you cuss excessively when you're upset? I can cuss excessively regardless of my mood. I don’t do it as much as I did when I was a teenager, but my potty mouth will still slip out every now and then. Would you rather cheat and tell your other about it or be cheated on? Eugh, this is an awful question. Can we just go with no cheating? Do you own a pair of shorts that could be mistaken for underwear? I don’t think so. Have you ever felt free after losing something once important to you? Yeah, I was recently reading my old survey answers from 2015 when my breakup was fresh, and apparently I was a super happy camper who felt free as fuck when Gab and I had broken things off so I guess that’s one example lol. Have you ever been to a rave? Nope, no raves for me. How many bananas have you ever eaten in a row? I’ve only eaten a whole banana once my whole life and that was a few weeks ago when I had a fever. Mom said it’ll be good for my body so I was made to eat one for breakfast. It wasn’t all that bad, but it will still take a whole lot for me to have to eat another banana. Have you ever felt like you can burn the world down? I’ve never been that angry before, no. Can you read/speak in any language(s) other than English? Yuh, Filipino is my first language.

Have you ever had sex outside? I’ve had it outside but we were still hidden, like inside a car lol if that still counts. Have you ever been outside naked? ^ Same situation. Do you like guys with long, brown, shaggy, flippy hair? If it looks majestically taken care of, yep. Do you have a beauty mark? I don’t. Have you ever been in a shrubbery maze? No. I’ve been terrified of them ever since watching The Shining, and I don’t think I’ll ever be up to entering one since I hate getting lost. Do you think you're the best thing that's happened to someone? I dunno. I don’t really need this big of a validation, so it’s genuinely fine if no one thinks of me in this way. Is the best thing that's ever happened to you a person? Yes, but also a dog. What's your boyfriend's style, or what style tends to attract you? I’ve observed that Gab jumps from one style to another. Some days she’ll dress like a sophisticated aunt and wear nice flowy dresses, other days she’ll opt to look a bit tomboyish and wear a graphic or tie-dye t-shirt and jeans. Do you know anyone who works in a cafe? Yeah, my cousin Bia. How many songs do you think you know all of the lyrics do? Hundreds is a safe guess. Do you enjoy jazz or blues music? I enjoy both, but I like jazz a tad bit more.

What's the most emotionally painful thing you've ever been through? Finding out about Nacho. My grandpa’s death hurt as hell too, but back then I had no choice but to harden up and force myself to be ok and focus because I had an insanely important college entrance exam coming up five days after his passing, and I couldn’t afford to get distracted. With the news of Nacho, I was doing nothing that night and I was completely vulnerable when it hit me. How many band t-shirts do you own that are black? I only have one band t-shirt, and it’s black. Can you make a clover shape with your tongue? Nope. Would you agree that Beck is a musical genius? (: Beyoncé lost to him for Album of the Year at the Grammys for her 2013 album which she highkey should’ve won, so he’s kinda on my shitlist for that looooool Do you ever feel like the main people in your life don't know you at all? No. I wear my heart on my sleeve for the most part, so I don’t have to worry about that. Do you like Ben Folds? I’ve never heard of him. Do you watch The Voice? Nope. Do you have a protective father? To an extent. He hates catcallers and always tells me to tell him if there are any around when we’re out so he can beat them up. He’s not crazy protective to the point of being possessive or overly strict though. Have you ever worn a headdress? Just for school productions when we would represent cultures that have headdresses.

Last thing that caused you to get sick? A UTI. What's the biggest misconception about you, personally? It annoys me to no goddamn end when people say or assume that I’m fake. It’s called being polite and civil even around people I don’t like which I’m pretty sure is more mature than fake, dude. Have you ever seriously thought you loved someone without telling them? No. Are you squeamish? About certain things. I hate watching clips of people having their bones break or get dislocated, people passing out, too much blood, among other stuff.

#survey #surveys

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narilgc · 4 years

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𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐀 𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 . . . but i don’t regret the thing that i did !! hello all, i’ve been keeping this under wraps for the past few days but on a whim i’ve decided to bring on my second ( and last, i promise ) muse for the ride !! with that being said, it is jada here, max’s mun, but this time i’m presenting to you the wonderful im nari !! she was my initial idea before max, but i loved her too much to get rid of her !! i’m so excited for her to be here and i really hope she’s well received as well !! i’ve been slow on his acc for the past few days, and she’s the reason why, but now that i’ve gotten my life ( mostly ) together & things are running just fine again !! anyways, her profile’s here, and below you can find some general trivia on her as well as connection ideas !! oh, and like this to plot !

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 :

from damyang, south korea !! a v small agricultural town & was born into humble beginnings - a seamstress for a mom, and her dad a farmer !! so she lived on a small farm when she was younger and was raised with pigs, cows, and goats as pets !

she helped around the farm her whole time she lived home, so she has a lot of life skills t & knows all about caring for animals and tending the farm !

they weren’t well off by any means - they had a small income to spread thin between all those people - but they made it work !! she never felt truly slighted as she knew their situation, in fact in her own way, she was spoiled in the best way she could be given their predicament.

raised in a household full of boys - she’s the youngest w a family of 6 loud, rowdy boys.

so in a way she’s more of a tomboy, used to roughhousing and all her sibling’s antics !! she’s also used to doing a lot of heavy lifting around the farm so has surprising strength for her size.

on the other hand, being the youngest & only daughter has upped the girliness !! she’s used to being babied so knows all about acting cute & her mom was always using her as an experiment for all her clothes !! was raised on handmade dresses her mom made in all sorts of intricate patterns & loved it !!

has been an actress in the making for a g e s !!! it all started when she was a really young kid, her mom would let her watch the tv in the tailor shop so she’d have something to do while her mom was at work !!

so there was this drama “a rolling hills romance” ( which i TOTALLY made up lmao !! ) that she absolutely loooved !! it was about a farm romance and was one of the only ones she saw that wasn’t taking place in the city !! it just got her in love with acting in general though, she’d eventually memorize scenes from all the dramas she’d watch and recite them out of the blue !!!

eventually it got her into theatre acting, which was her favorite !! she started watching broadway shows from abroad, memorizing the songs even though she didn’t always know what they were saying. but she just loooved the whole thing, and when she was in middle school she joined her school’s theatre department !

this is where the majority of her english skills came into play - she would memorize the lyrics, and though she didn’t really know what they were saying after a while she began to understand some words !! so while her pronunciation is pretty good from mimicking actors, she lacks the vocab to really use it !!

so she’s really hesitant to speak in english, because if people hear her speak they think she’s a lot more fluent than she is & it lands her in awkward situations !! so she mainly just ... doesn’t do that lol !!

i can’t believe i forgot this when i first wrote this !! this is a very vital part of her character omg !! her first “acting debut” if you could call it that was for a chocolate commercial when she was 8 !! basically she was in this christmas commercial for peppermint chocolates that got on tv and everyone in her town went crazy !! she like goes and delivers these chocolates while singing jingle bells and it’s wholesome and cute and swet !! it wasn’t that big at all lol but for their small town it was, and to them she’s a sort of small celebrity for it !! i’m sure some people might remember the commercial but notlike .... her yk ?? because that was her first and last role for a while lol !!

anyways !! she’s always been self-conscious of her looks - she felt like she wasn’t pretty enough, and limited her confidence. so at 16 she got 2 part-time jobs to begin saving up money, and at 17 she went to seoul to get a nose job & jaw reduction surgery.

and things seemed to be great after that !! she was confident, gaining more friends, but the real excitement came when her mom read online about an audition for legacy and jokingly asked if she wanted to do it.

legacy had never even be on her radar !! she had always heard her friends talk about them for idols, but she had never thought of them as a company that accepted actresses. upon reading though, she was hooked !! she begged her parents, and they originally rejected the idea because they thought it was one of her phases. however, after much persuasion, they allowed her to attend auditions !!

she never expected to get in, she wanted to do it more as an experience than anything. but to say it was a shock was an understatement !! but she was so so incredibly happy.

had a hard time adjusting initially - she was only 17, and almost right after getting there she had to spend her birthday alone since she hadn’t made any friends yet. and although she’s naturally outgoing, it was really hard for her to be social at first because she was surrounded by so many more people than she was used to !!

for the past few years nari’s been doing general idol training, though that’s about to change !! she’s significantly improved her dance skills ( which were nearly nonexistent prior to training ) & gotten a lot better at her singing !! but her heart’s still deep into acting, and she knows that she wants to do that as well as some modeling !

she still suffers a lot with her self confidence, and there’s a lot of pressure for her to do well ! in school, because she’s the first of her family to go to university, and as a trainee, because she’s risked so much for it & doesn’t want to disappoint since her family has v high expectations for her !

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 :

a little lovebug !! she’s literally so loving and accepting of everyone - definitely, someone you can come to talk out any issues, she listens & provides support, free of any judgement !! also v keen on skinship i apologize in advance

she’s come out of her shell a lot since she got to seoul, but she’s still a little shy if she doesn’t know you well or is put in a situation w a lot of people !! pls be patient with her ^^

like max, she’s got a lot of energy in that little body !! but she actually has adhd so a lot of it isn’t really by choice. it frustrates her a lot because it limits her focus & has the tendency to make her restless. it was worse when she was younger, but has gotten better as she’s gotten older and she takes medicine to keep everything in check.

she’s also got v low self-confidence, she’s never been satisfied with herself and constantly wants to get better !! despite the surgeries, she’s still got a lot of insecurities both physically and not, but keeps them bottled up a lot bc she doesn’t want to burden others !! ( i want to shake her !! ) bc of that, she takes both criticism & compliments very seriously, she’ll turn all red if someone gives her the smallest compliment but will also overanalyze & judge herself if she gets critiqued.

in fact her surgery’s almost made her more self-conscious, as she now feels that all the opportunities granted to her are because of her looks post-surgery. the worst insult she could get was she’s only succeeding because of her looks, because she’s worked so hard on her skills and she wants them to be what takes her forward, not something she had to pay to get.

despite that, she’s the true definition of a happy virus !! on the outside, she’s almost always smiling, and when all the other stuff doesn’t get in the way, she is on the inside too !! always trying to look on the optimistic side & give people a fresh perspective !

on that note she’s v childish, and sometimes she has to remind herself w younger trainees coming in she’s being seen as more of an example and needs to be ~serious~!!

the duality is real !! in performances, sad / angry scenes are actually her specialty, and right after she’ll just spring up and smile like what’s up guys !!! a lil creepy when she goes from sobbing to giggling so she’s learned to transition a little better lmao !!

she always wanted to be a youtuber, but never got the chance, and by the time she joined legacy she wasn’t allowed to have an account. so now she has these little vlogs she does to send her parents ! they’re mainly of her getting ready, hanging out with friends, and practicing ( all out of training hours, ofc ) so she can often be found seemingly talking to herself, even though she’s really recording videos !!

though being an idol wasn’t her initial dream, she adores the music. her love for the kpop genre has made the last few years more bearable, and girl crush concepts are her absolute favorite !! she’s been religiously keeping up w future dreams like she’s still just a fan back at home, and you’ll catch her humming all around the company building !!

in fact, prior to joining legacy, she had a fan blog for all her faves where she would provide commentary called ri raves !! it was ... a sight !!

she’s pansexual, and leaning towards girls !! it’s something she’s really shy about sharing bc of the fear of judgment, but if she tells you know you have all her trust !!

a little spoiled tbh !! she’s got the youngest child syndrome BAD, and since she was the only girl she’s used to things being done for her !! not in the bratty way, it’s just made her a little lazy and she loooooves attention and being doted on.

don’t let her appearance fool you though !! she’s got surprising strength ... strong woman do bong soon’s not her favorite show for no reason !!! all those years of defending herself from her brothers’ teasing had to come in handy, you know ?? we’ve got a black belt in hapkido here folks !!

definition of a theatre kid, starts bursting out into songs she loves out of nowhere omg it’s embarrassing ?? also overreacts about everything omg the world is on fire according to her !! she’s gotta faint dramatically !!!

she’s got the jeolla-do dialect, and prior to working on her standard dialect it was veeery prominent ! it makes her say a lot of words differently than someone from seoul might, and after realizing she was one of the only ones with it she’s been trying to make her speech sound more like standard korean nowadays.

she’s taken up sewing from her mom, and especially loves embroidery !! so she always loves upcycling & spicing her outfits up !!

definitely has a unique fashion sense because of it - in addition to that she’s very frugal, and favors thrifted clothing !! she’s got a mix of vintage, chic, and artsy style !

a rule follower !! veeery unlike max, she tends to stick to the rules out of fear of what will happen if she doesn’t, because she has way too much on the line to quit now !

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 :

acting buddies ?? i know there aren’t too many, but even if that’s not your muse’s preferred career path, any muses who have a passion for theatre are welcomed as well !!

someone who unlike her, is v wild and lives on the crazier side !! she’s constantly going into a responsible panic when they’re around and they’re always trying to get her to loosen up !!

someone who co-stars in her little vlogs to her family !! hey, if you can’t be youtubers for real you might as well pretend, right ??

someone who made her adjustment to seoul easier as she transitioned from country to city life !! they’ve lived in seoul for a long time / their whole life and know all the best spots to show her !!

someone who’s clothing she likes to spice up, she’s always embroidering or adding pattern to their clothes to give their outfit a little flair !

someone who knows her past her happy side, who she’s got on speed dial whenever she’s feeling down and needs someone to talk to, and vice versa !!

someone who she came out too, be it on purpose or by accident, and it’s caused her to grow really attached to them bc it’s one of the most personal things about her !

a girl she’s got a crush on but is terrified to tell !!! like yes you’re pretty .... but these things are never easy !!! she’s gonna tell you .... eventually !!

and ofc - exes, flirtationships, summer loves, anything of the sort !

someone she lowkey fangirls over ?? she still hasn’t accepted the fact that she & the other trainees are kinda on the same level, someone she’s kind of became a fan of and can’t really function around them ??

by some crazy chance, this person has come across her old kpop fan blog at one time or another and won’t !!! let !!! her !!! live !!! it !!! down !!! will you accept her bribe and swear to never bring it up again ??? please ???

someone she doesn’t like ??? this is v rare but ... for one reason or another, she can’t stand them and transforms to a completely diff person around them !!

someone who made the mistake of teasing her a little too much or insulted her so much that she just straight-up tries to take them down !!! v unexpectedly !! bonus if it’s someone way out of her fighting capabilities !!

more ideas coming when i create an official plots page !!

#( nari & mun ! )#so late ... i apologize o.o #i will rb tomm !!#& i will be getting to all your lovely mssgs ty !!

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nadjastersurveys · 4 years

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So what’s your name? Nadja

How about your age? I’m 16

Do those two questions get on your nerves? Nah they don’t lol

What’s your birthday? October 24th

Zodiac sign? (for those of you who don’t know- cancer, leo, taurus) Scorpio

Hmm… What’s your middle name? Last? I don’t want to tell you those

Nickname(s)? I don’t have any

What color are your eyes? Dark brown/black

What color is your hair currently? Black

What is your natural color? It’s black

Describe your hair style. It’s a bit past my boobs and it’s straight. And I really want to cut it a bit shorter

What skin tone do you have? I’m pretty light I guess

Oh yeah I guess this is important… Your gender? Female

What body type do you have? (slender, average, pleasantly plump) I’m average or slender

What kind of nose do you have? I like it. It’s medium sized and nice shaped

Are your eyebrows thick? I don’t know, I guess they’re more thick than thin?

Do you have any peircings? Where? On my ears and my nose

Do you have any tatoos? Where? No

Do you want any peircings/tats? Exlpain….. I don’t want anymore piercings. I don’t know about tattoos, probably not

What color eyes do you wish you had? Lighter brown haha

Do you have fat lips? Lol fat lips. They’re pretty plump I’d say

Do you have a long neck? Nah

How big are your hands? Pretty small

How tall are you? 150cm

How much do you weigh? 44kg

What do you think is your best feature? My legs, butt and nose haha

What do you get complimented on the most? My smile and hair

What is your worst feature? My smile and eyes

Do you have/get acne? I don’t have acne. I have pimples here and there

Do you have any freckles? No

Do you wear glasses/contacts? No I don’t have to

Do you have/have you ever had braces? If so what color(s) were they? No

Do you have any scars? Where? What were your scars caused from? There’s couple. One on my wrist from my surgery for example

Are you built well for your gender? I don’t know?

Are you muscley? I don’t have big muscles but they’re pretty visible on my stomach and legs for example

Do you have large or petite feet? More petite

Long legs? Not really

Do you paint your fingernails? Do you paint your toenails? No

Where do you shave? Legs, armpits and my lady parts lol

What would be your closest label? I don’t know what this means sorry

Do you ever wear your hair up? How? I wear it in a high ponytail sometimes when my hair is acting up and in my way

What kind of accessoires do you wear most often? Just my earrings and my nose ring

Your everyday style of clothing? Sweatpants and some kind of shirt or a hoodie/sweater

What is your favorite tshirt? I don’t have one favorite

Your favorite pair of jeans? My black skinny jeans

Your favorite shoes? Any sneakers

What is your idea of getting dressed up for oh say… a romantic dinner? I don’t know really, just something nice lol

How about your ideal prom outfit? I have no idea

Wedding dress?/Tuxedo I guess…. A white dress at least

Do you wear makeup? What do you wear? No

What, to you, is overdone makeup wise? I don’t know?

Can you walk in heels? Yeah I’ve done it couple times only though lol

Do you prefer to wear dresses, skirts, or dress pants? None of these but I guess the dress?

have you ever worn rave glasses? (the ones with the bars going across) No haha

Do you think rave glasses are pointless? I guess lmao

What’s the first thing you wash when you’re in the shower? My hair

Do you eat breakfast? If I wake up early enough, yes

What is your moring rutine? Go to the toilet and do my thing there, eat something. You know just basic stuff

What grade are you in? I’m not in school this year

What is your religion? I’m not religious

What country do you live in? A country in the northern part of Europe

What country do you wish you lived in? I love living here

Can you speak another language besides enlgish? Yes

What’s your favorite holiday? Christmas

What kind of house do you live in? I don’t know what it’s called. Duplex? Attached house?

What’s your dream home like? With a nice view I guess, I don’t knooow about anything else now lol

What kind of car(s) is parked in your driveway? Just our car

Wear you live is there a busy street in front of your house? No, it’s not busy

Are you a yankee or a rebel? Umm am I what

What’s your overall favorite genre of music? Rnb or hip hop

Genre of film? Thriller, horror, war, drama and action

What’s your favorite food? Chicken and pasta. And fish as well

Drink? Soda or coffee

#survey

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zoe-oneesama · 5 years

Note

Happy birthday!! I know you’ve come up with most of them already, but what superhero names would you give Aurore with each of the main seven Miraculous? Also, how do you think she would interact with each of the main seven kwamis?

Hmm, I haven’t given her ALL the Miraculous, but letsee:

Ladybug - Red Tempest

Cat - Félin

Fox - Fennec Fox

Bee - Miss Sting (lol misting?)

Turtle - Shellegant

Butterfly - Pieridae

Peafowl - Gale Force

(Some of these are off the top of my head and so aren’t set in stone)

Aurore is confident to the point of being just on the side of arrogant, which could conflict with Tikki. Aurore’s not above asking for help as we see in SW2 (since she was talking to Sabrina at all about her grades and was grateful for Marinette’s help) so she might listen to Tikki’s advice, buuuuut might not take it.

Aurore is also the kind of person to get angry, not hurt, when someone slights her, so having Plagg in her corner could definitely spark a lot of revenge plots. Oh, Chloe makes fun of my grades? See if she likes her phone sparking a fire in her bag and ruining it. Oh, Alec made another snide comment about the ranking? See if he likes his dressing room lights exploding mysteriously. Think, malicious pranking. But like. On the jerks that deserve it. But there’s plently of payback because when they’re not working together, Plagg can drive Aurore insane.

Trixx and Aurore would get along better than Plagg, but have a similar thing going on. When they’re united, they’re a dream team. But when Trixx tries their vague talk, Aurore gets annoyed. She can smell the manipulation but instead of manipulating back, she calls Trixx out. Trixx is laid back and recognizes Aurore as smart enough to smell out a lie, but not crafty enough to do anything about it. This is where Aurore would need to grow as a fox.

Pollen and Aurore would be a lot like Chloe and Aurore - meaning no one grows or learns a damn thing. Only Aurore is less awful about it. Aurore loves the praise, so why would she change Pollen? Pollen thinks Aurore is flawless, so why would she change Aurore? They’re harmonious, but boring.

Aurore and Wayzz would be …interesting. When Aurore is calm, she is calm. It takes a lot to rile her up. In these moments, being sure of herself yet willing to at least hear Wayzz out is a good balance. But when Aurore is angry, she is a storm. Ranting, raving, a bit of a childish temper tantrum “It’s not fair!” It’s only a solace that Aurore saves her break downs for in private or Wayzz would lose all hope that his chosen is mature. Wayzz, more than the others, tends to think that Aurore is too arrogant for her age. He tries to help by having her think up solutions instead of wallowing in her anger. It takes work, but Wayzz learns to be more empathetic and Aurore learns to redirect her anger.

Aurore would be really uncomfortable with Nooroo. She’s not heartless, but she’s also not…the person people ask for comfort. Empathy isn’t impossible for her, but it’s not something anyone would come to her for. It would take a LOT of work for Aurore to help Nooroo be more unfront with what they want and a LOT of work for Aurore to be less self centered so she can recognize someone else needs help without asking her for it (Nooroo included)

…I don’t talk about Duusu because who even is Duusu…

#I tried #and these are more for my canon interpretation of Aurore #and not the Leave for Menedeleiev Aurore #ask zoe #ml #miraculous ladybug #aurore #aurore beauréal

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dumbchickwrites · 5 years

Text

the end of the rainbow 🌈 — part 6

Pairings: Sam Wilson x OC! Iris Fury

Warnings: mentions of smut, plot within the plot ~ a subplot, if you will.

Words: 2257.

Summary: Former S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Iris Fury, daughter of Nick Fury, is called by her father to assist the Avengers while agent Romanoff recovers from a few wounds. A certain Falcon catches her eye. Follow Iris and Sam as they take a walk on the rainbow and eventually find out what hides at the end of that beautiful path.

A/N: sorry, no keep reading tag since I’m on mobile. no, I haven’t forgotten about your requests! they’re coming, I promise! also, I got carried away lol, this part and the next will pretty much be an Avengers movie🤷🏾‍♀️

Please comment and reblog if you enjoy! <3

***

One last time, she thought, staring at her reflection in the mirror. One last time then she'd tell him the truth, and it will be over.

Sam wanted to have that romantic dinner tonight, since it was Iris' actual birthday. She couldn't say no to him when he asked her on their first official date. Not when he looked at her, smile bright and eyes soft with adoration. So she said yes.

He was already waiting for her at his flat in the city. He'd left the compound in the early afternoon to get everything ready up there. Now it was almost time for Iris to join him.

A car was waiting for her outside. It would drive her there on autopilot then come back to the compound. She made her way down the stairs discreetly, careful not to step into a member of the team. She couldn't handle their disapproving gazes anymore.

New York City, as always, was buzzing with lights and excitement as the car made its way through the packed streets. Iris found herself growing more and more nervous as the car approached the red dot on the map. How should she tell him? When? How would he react? Or maybe she should just... leave?

A sigh fell off her lips as she laid her head back on the headrest.

She never should have agreed to come back to the US in the first place. Now she had a lover on one side of the Atlantic ocean, and a family on the other. Selfish and cruel. That was what she was. Not sparing a thought to the people she hurt.

"You have arrived to your destination."

The voice snapped Iris out of her thoughts. Her eyes scanned her surroundings before she allowed herself to step out of the grey car. She stepped into the building, her heels clinking on the floor. The receptionist greeted her, a polite smile on his face. After introducing herself and telling him why she was here, he kindly directed her to Sam's apartment.

Sam was certain he'd never been this nervous in his entire life. Not even during the first flight test with the EXO-7 wings. His apartment was filled with mouth-watering smells from the food he'd prepared - a three course meal for his girl. He had an arrangement of blue irises and red roses on the the table, soft music was playing in the background, setting a romantic atmosphere along with a few candles.

The sound of the doorbell resonated in the home, and his heart fell to the bottom of his stomach. On his way to the door, he stopped in front of the mirror to check his reflection one last time.

Breath got caught in his throat as he opened the door. A simple navy blue flared dress and heeled sandals was all she wore. Her hair was pinned in her regular sleek bun while small silver hoops adorned her ears.

"Hey," she flashed her a smile, and Sam realized he'd been staring at her for way too long.

"Hey, come in," he stepped aside, not taking his eyes off her as she walked in the apartment.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Is this too much? I didn't know what to wear because you said casual but at the same time it's our first date and—"

"Baby," Sam cut her rambling with an amused smirk. "You look amazing. You always do. Now come give me a kiss."

Her body moved on its own, attracted to Sam's as if it was a magnet, pulling her towards his warm, loving embrace.

Iris' eyes started to sting as she walked further into the flat, seeing how much effort Sam had put into the evening. She really didn't deserve him.

"You like it?" Sam's hand came to rest on her hip.

"Sam... I love it. Thank you."

"You're very welcome, baby girl," he whispered before giving her another sweet kiss.

Bottle of red wine was uncorked and poured into glasses. Iris, quite the connoisseur, marvelled at Sam's choice. Sheepishly, he admitted that he went around asking the team about some of Iris' favourite things to make the night as good as possible — including her favourite wine which according to Tony was any vintage French red with sweet undertones.

First glasses of wine down, hunger made stronger by drinking alcohol on an empty stomach, they soon settled around the table. As the city went about its usual frenzy outside the large glass windows, Sam brought the first course to the dining table, an entrée worthy of a Michelin star restaurant.

"Are you sure you never went to a culinary school somewhere?" Iris mused, tastebuds raving in her mouth.

"Just like to watch a lot of cooking shows," he smiled.

"This tastes fantastic. And with the wine, ugh! You blew my mind, Wilson."

Main course, then dessert. All while talking and talking, as if they never grew tired of each other's voice and mimics and stories. Gulps of wine, second bottle uncorked, melted chocolate and notes of berries from the wine mixed together to form an elixir, an aphrodisiac, like being around each other wasn't already enough for their bodies to turn into lava. More talking, until it was time to clean up.

Bare feet on the wooden floor, heels discarded in a corner of the room for her, soft padding of socks for him, they waltzed around the room, plates and cutlery clinking as they loaded the dishwasher.

Then the familiar, world famous guitar air filled the room, the notes soft and resonating throughout their entire bodies.

"Dance with me," Sam said.

So Iris put her hand in his, abandoning her half full, half empty glass of wine on the table, right next to the irises and roses, and danced with him.

"Wise men say only fools rushhhh iiin..."

"You are a terrible singer," Iris giggled in the crook of his neck.

"My cooking makes up for it."

"It sure does, Sammy. It sure does."

They let the music surround them, guide their movements as they swung around, hands caressing each other's body, fingers drawing intricate shapes and paterns over their clothes, lips leaving feathery kisses over necks and jaws, trying to find a way to transfer the intimacy of the moment.

For I can't help

Falling in love with you

"I love you, Iris."

Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

Darling so it goes

She sucked in a sharp breath as if she'd been hit — burned. But it had to be the most pleasant burn ever.

Some things

Are meant to be

"You don't have to say it back," Sam murmured. "I wanted to tell you."

"I— I love you too, Sam," she said, tears already streaming down her face.

Not stopping their swaying, Sam pulled back just enough to allow him to take Iris' face in his hands. That's when she noticed that the song still hadn't stopped — or rather, had started over.

"You planned this," she scoffed through her tears, rolling her eyes.

"Damn right I did."

With his thumbs, he wiped away her tears then took his time admiring her. Every detail of her face and entire being.

Elvis kept singing, and they kept swaying.

Emergency mission. Get your asses back to the compound.

The lovely message which pulled both Iris and Sam out of their post coital slumber and forced them to go back to the Avengers headquarters as quick as possible.

Once they arrived, they only had time to make their respective protein shakes as breakfast before Director Fury called them in the conference space. Everyone else was already sat, waiting for Nick to speak up.

"I need you guys sharp on this one. We got the info a few days ago but there was a piece of intel missing from the brief, which I needed to give you guys the green light."

Nick pressed a button and an image appeared on the large touchscreen. Shock took place on some faces, pain on others.

"Oh my God."

"She's alive?!"

"Where is she?"

"For those of you who don't know, this is my second child, and Iris' twin sister."

Eyes still slightly wide, they all stared at Iris' identical twin. They had the same features. While Iris' face was free of scars, Dahlia had a large scar across the face, from the tail of her right eyebrow through the right corner of her mouth, ending at the chin.

"Steve," Iris called.

The super soldier snapped out of his thoughts, tearing his gaze off his ex-lover's face.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine."

"Dahlia —"

"What is it with you and flowers?" Wanda asked, genuinely curious.

Nick pinched the bridge of his nose, already annoyed by the wave of questions that was about to submerge him.

"That would be a question for their mother, a question that I, too, would like an answer to."

"Oh, dad, please! You called us Nicky and Nicolette, so I think you can save your rant on names for later," Iris rolled her eyes.

"Wait," Sam interrupted Nick just as he opened his mouth to speak. "I gotta ask, which one's Nicolette?"

Iris narrowed her eyes at him.

"That would be our dear Iris," Tony said.

A stiffled laugh came from the back of the room where Bucky sat, pinching his nose to contain his giggles. Iris raised a brow.

"What you laughing at Buchanan?"

Bucky snapped his mouth shut in a thin line.

"This is a matter of worldwide security, so I'm gonna need you to stop behaving like goddamn children," Nick scolded, giving a pointed look to his daughter. "Dahlia is a compromised former S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. She'd joined the ranks of HYDRA long before S.H.I.E.L.D. fell. She's a traitor, that is why you've never heard of her."

"I've seen her before," Wanda's voice was almost a whisper. "With Strucker, during our... experiments."

"But... we saw her in her cell in the Raft. Then she died of a seizure," Natasha said matter-of-factly.

"She escaped a few months ago."

"Told you I should've brought her to Asgard," Thor mumbled.

"A few months ago?!" Iris repeated in disbelief. "Dad, why didn't you say anything?"

"She was invisible to our radars until now. With what remained of the Insight protocols and Stark's tech, we were able to find her only a few days ago."

"Tony, you knew about this?" Steve, who still hadn't said anything until that moment, turned to Tony, lines creasing in his forehead.

"Sorry, Cap. Fury made me swear not to say anything."

"Dad... What's the mission?"

"Dahlia was seen at a facility located on the border between Ukraine and Russia," as Nick spoke, images appeared on the touchscreen next to him. "Packages were sent from this facility to Iraq and Syria. We have reasons to believe that weapons are curated in this facility, using the remains of the Ultron disaster and sent to the Middle East."

"But it's been years since Ultron happened," Clint chipped in. "How could she possibly still have access to Stark tech?"

"Veronica," Bruce blurted. "Veronica and the other satellites. What if she's using Veronica and the drones from the satellites we don't use anymore to create weapons?"

"But how?" Rhodey asked.

"Dahlia's access to all those things was revoked after she got in the Raft, but what if she's using Iris? The older satellites don't require a retinal scan to work, but they do have the same voice."

"Jesus Christ," Iris burried her face in her hands. "Dad. What's the mission?"

"Destroy Dahlia's facility, locate the weapons in the Middle East, get rid of them... Neutralise Dahlia Fury."

"Dad—"

"Two teams. Colonel Rhodes, Barton, Maximoff, Barnes and Romanoff as air support in the Middle East. The rest, in the Ukraine. We don't know how many men exactly but based on our sightings, more than Strucker had in Sokovia. You leave tonight."

Steve immediately walked out of the room, hands balled up in fists, jaw and shoulders tense. The rest of the team did the same, one by one.

"What's his deal?" Sam asked Iris in a hushed tone.

"Him and my sister... They were together. Their relationship was as serious as could be. We never knew what happened to Dahlia, you know? Maybe she was brainwashed, kind of like Bucky, but she still knows who we are... When she was sent to the Raft, Steve was inconsolable, first he hurt her, then he lost her..."

"What? The—" Sam gestured across his face. "He did that to her?"

Iris nodded. "He didn't mean to. The shield bounced off someone and she was in the way. He was furious with himself."

"How about you, baby?" he squeezed her hand. "You okay?"

"To be honest, my dad and I never believed she'd died. Something was off in her death certificate, but we still grieved and moved on, you know," she sighed. "I've got to check on my dad, okay? I'll talk to you later."

She gave him a peck on the lips before strolling down the hall to find Nick.

Iris felt like a building had fallen on top of her. Her heart was already troubled, tugging on two different sides, and now her twin sister, who was supposed to be nothing but ashes in the Atlantic ocean, was a terrorist and very much alive.

In her hand, her phone started to ring, the screen lighting up to display a photo of her fiancé holding their daughter, both smiling at the camera.

***

Tags: @wakanda-inspired

#sam wilson #sam wilson imagine #sam wilson fanfiction #sam wilson x black woman oc #sam wilson x oc #falcon #falcon fanfiction #captain america fanfiction

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sicklylittlesnowflake · 6 years

Note

BLESSED OKAY! SO! After Shiro is brought back to life and everyone returns to earth, reuniting with their families, Lance continues to be wracked with guilt every time he looks at Shiro. He is beating himself up over the fact that he couldn’t help Shiro in the astral plane and if it wasn’t for Allura, it would’ve been too late. He struggles to look Keith and Shiro in the eye and the guilt starts to have negative effect on him, to the point where it makes him ill. Cue Keith taking care of him (1)

(Anon, great ass prompt?? I loved writing this! i havent written voltron in a while, so please forgive any rustiness but aaa!! I’m back in vld hell lol)

He’d dreamt of this moment for so long.

He dreamt about leaping into his mama’s arms as they reunited, cuddling with his hermanos and hermana and his tios and tias and his sobrinos and sobrinas and his abuelo and abuela. He dreams about the moment he feels while again. Lance fantasises about this moment and the absolute sunshine that would reign upon him as it happened. But when it does actually happen he feels so empty and broken and it feels so wrong.

He shouldn’t be celebrated. He’s no hero.

Lance has caused so much pain. When he walks into his living room he sees his abuela’s altar with his picture next to his papa’s. When he looks into his family’s eyes he knows that there’s something in them that has been broken and it can’t be fixed. It can be taped back together but the damage has been done. It can never be quite whole.

Lance did this to the family who worked to the bone, all scraping just enough cash to send him to the Garrison. He looks at his beloved mama who left her entire life behind for him, moving to America for the sake of her precious mijo. She looks much older, and her eyes are heavy.

Lance is at his breaking point.

His heart can’t take much more. In fact, he was surprised that it took as much as it did. Lance had definitely felt extreme lows before, there’s no denial in that, but this has to be the lowest he’s ever felt in a while. His first heartbreak, feeling incompetent, feeling left out and unwanted, feeling so so alone, especially with Keith gone for so long, a near death experience he hadn’t quite processed and most of all, a tremendous feeling of guilt that seems to plague his brain.

Every time he so much as moves he can feel the guilt rushing through him. He can’t pour himself a glass of water, because his hand is shaking so much. He feels a little bit sick every time he so much as glimpses over at Keith or Shiro.

He’s always known he wasn’t the brightest; and especially next to super geniuses like Pidge or Hunk. But he never thought he was this stupid, so stupid as to not even piece together what Shiro was trying to say to him. It was so painstakingly obvious when he thought about it, and it nearly cost his dear friend his life. And he hates himself for it.

In his dreams he sees a world where it was too late. He watches Shiro cease to move, he can hear Keith’s agonising screams as his leader is hauntingly still. Void of life. He can vividly see his friends’ tears and wails in grief for their friend. All because of him. And when he wakes his pillow is wet and the room is dark and it’s nowhere near time to get up, but he can’t fall back asleep, and all he can do is fall deeper and deeper into the swirling abyss of guilt he finds himself further and further entangled in.

He’s numb. He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t eat. Lance had been most vocal about missing home, but now that it’s finally here he cannot feel a thing.

He’s so angry. He doesn’t understand why he can’t just feel happy. Lance told himself he would finally feel happy when he got home; and why is it that he still feels so blue? Was there any hope for him? Maybe this was all there was for him.

Lance woke up on an air mattress on his bedroom floor, and momentarily he felt warmth. He feels the sunshine basking on his face coming through his window, and he looks up to see the glow in the dark stars plastered onto his ceiling. He saw his Star Wars and Star Trek posters still perfectly in tack. No one touched his room since his disappearance. And that’s when the warmth began to conduct away from him and he’s filled with that cold feeling again.

He got up slowly, looking if Keith was awake–finding his bed empty. As he had no family to reunite with on Earth, he decided to come with Lance–besides, he wanted to finally try out the Varadero beach Lance kept on raving about. Then Lance became aware of a pounding headache and the hot and cold tidal waves swashing up and down his bloodstream. He shivered violently, feeling absolutely miserable. He knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, considering the maximum two hours of sleep he was getting per night.

Lance forced himself up slowly, coughing harshly into the crook of his arm. He shuffled into his kitchen to find his Abuela hovering over Keith and continuously offering him more and more food, to which Keith was trying to politely refuse. It had been their fourth day now, and his Abuela had already fallen in love with Keith.

“Ay, mijo! You are so skinny! You need more food in you, no?” She insisted, a plateful of eggs in her hand.

“O-oh, no m'am, I’m really fine..Thank you so much though–”

“Abuela, él está lleno!” Lance chimed in, trying to rescue Keith, cringing at how raspy his voice was, as he sat himself down in the chair next to Keith.

Keith blinked at the croaky nature of his voice, and the two semitones his voice seemed to drop.

“Oh, fine!” His Abuela gave in, giggling a little as she leaned in to give Lance a quick kiss on the to of his head.

“Uh, Gracias,” Keith piped up as she began to walk away.

He raised an eyebrow, “..So..you’re not going to poke fun at my pronunciation?”

Lance jolted a little, having zoned out and looked at Keith, before a pang of guilt hit him and he couldn’t look at him, only being able to see the sorrowful Keith in his dreams, “U-uh, yeah, crappy accent, Keith–hh–wait, sorry..”

Lance turned away from Keith, cupping two hands around his face to four ticklish, soft yet harsh sneezes.

“Salud!” His mother called out as she placed bacon on her son’s plate, booping him on the nose as she did.

“Gracias,” Lance smiled half heartedly, missing his mother and abuela’s cooking dearly but feeling so sick he didn’t have an appetite.

Keith looked suspicious, but also concerned, “You alright, man?”

He nodded, trying to stay calm and avoid any worry over him, it’d just make him feel worse, “Yeah, yeah–my nose is just bothered by sleeping with you all night. Well uh, next to you–near you–in..in the same room as you.”

Keith rolled his eyes playfully, but looked away from Lance with a slight blush on his face, a silence falling between them as they continued to eat.

“Mijo, you’ve barely touched your food!” His mother exclaimed, “Is there something wrong with it?”

Lance shook his head, smiling weakly, “No, mama, of course not–I’m just taking it slow because I know I’ll eat too much too quickly!”

“We don’t want a repeat of Marco’s birthday dinner,” Veronica giggled as she passed by the kitchen, starting to get ready for their planned beach day.

His mother seemed to be happy with that, and left to get ready too, leaving just him and Keith. Lance could feel Keith trying to sneakily eye him up, and he could feel the anxiousness creep up, fearing that Keith was starting to resent him for not realising what he had nearly done to Shiro.

“You sure you’re okay, buddy? You look..kind of pale, you get much sleep?” Keith asked quietly.

“Yeah, I slept like a log!” He lied.

“Look..Lance, you haven’t been able to last two seconds without zoning out, look at me, please?” He asked gently.

Lance began to fiddle with his hands nervously, “Im fin–”

He burst into a sudden coughing fit, whipping away from him quickly and doubled over into his arm, the coughs hurting his chest. He began to feel a little lightheaded from the lack of oxygen entering his body.

Keith patted his back firmly, until the coughing eventually subsided. Lance had been so drained and exhausted by the fit he leaned against the kitchen chair, panting and trying to regain a steady tempo with his breath. Whilst Lance was weakened Keith placed a cool hand on his forehead, “Quiznack, Lance–you’re burning up! You need to head right to bed!”

“No!” Lance hissed–sharp as a knife, causing Keith to retreat just a little.

Lance looked at his hurt expression, and sighed, feeling his heart fill with self loathing and regret. “I’m..I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Keith–I didn’t mean to..to yell at you like that. I just..”

He pressed his lips together to try and suppress any emotion. “We’ve only..got a week together and I can’t ruin this. I ruin everything and I promised Sara and Geronimo that I’d build a sandcastle with them and I cannot stand to hurt anyone anymore,” He said quietly, a stark contrast to the lively and bubbly Lance that Keith knew. This Lance was deflated. And tired.

Keith softened a little, feeling very torn. Lance did only have a week with his family. It was precious time. But he was genuinely so sick, and he was worried. “God dammit Lance..Fine. But if you get worse..we have to come home, okay?”

“I’ve gotta get dressed,” Lance said hurriedly, speaking with Keith only making him feel worse and worse. Keith’s concern was not warranted, he didn’t deserve to be cared for and worried over, after everything he had done.

“Wh–wait, Lance, I was gonna ask–” Keith tried uselessly, but he was gone.

“..what you meant by ‘I can’t hurt anyone anymore’”, Keith finished to himself, sighing, unable to hide the concern etched onto his face.

Lance had barely heard Keith walk into his bedroom, all dressed for the beach.

“You should take something, at least,” Keith suggested, completely taking Lance off guard and breaking his trance.

He jolted a little, “Huh? No–I’m fine.”

He twisted and angled his body away from Keith, three ticklish sneezes into his hands.

“Bless you–look, Lance, uh..”

Suddenly the door busted right open, revealing two excited and bubbly children.

“Lance!” They squealed with delight, bouncing up to him and giving him a tight hug.

“Hey you guys!” Lance beamed, a sudden shift from his more solemn, dull exterior just then, suddenly back to the bright and bubbly self he usually was. But Keith knew there was something not quite right. Something was missing. He wasn’t really whole.

Lance began to push them off him gently, stifling a cough against his sleeve, “C'mon, guys, we’re wasting precious sunlight! Let’s go!”

The two children took a hand each, skipping merrily out of the house, one of them grabbing for Keith’s hand.

Sara smiled brightly at him, “Are you Tio’s friend?”

Keith managed a small smile back, “Yeah, yeah I am.”

He wished he could be. He seemed to be drifting away.

Lance could feel the rippling of the ocean. He felt light. He felt graceful as he swam across, feeling the oceans warm embrsce against his fingertips. It hugged gently at his legs as he threaded, looking upon the vivid blue sky. He finally felt at peace, where he finally belonged at last. All he could hear was the sweet swirling of the water, and all he could see was the light sparkling on its beautiful blue entirety. For a second he felt whole.

He let himself relax, for the first time in weeks, floating upon the surface of the ocean and blue and letting his burdens fall away for a second. He felt nothing but tranquility.

And suddenly a sudden tickle at the back of his throat and he forced himself upright, the water splashing against his face as he doubled over into a forceful, violent coughing fit that seemed to stab knives into his chest every time he coughed.

He felt a pair of hands holding him steady, the one of the hands left him to rub up and down his back soothingly.

“Lance, are you okay? Maybe you should sit down..” Keith suggested softly, his eyes so kind that Lance wanted to cry.

He didn’t understand this. He didn’t understand how because of him Keith nearly lost one of the most important people in his life, and yet he still showed him so much kindness. He wondered that maybe this is some twisted joke life is playing on him, tugging at his heart strings and causing that deep hole of guilt to only widen more. Lance didn’t deserve this.

“I’m fine–” He sneezed twice. “I just..drank some sea water.”

“Lance! Come here please!” Geronimo called out, waving over to him, having built the foundations to their sandcastle.

“Coming!” Lance replied, giving Keith a small smile as he began to swim towards them, and began to help them build their sand castle.

As he sat next to them, he was overcome by another two ticklish, forceful sneezes he directed away from them and into his arm.

“Salud! Are you okay Lance?” Geronimo asked.

He managed a weak smile. “Yeah! Someone here just reeks!” He joked, reaching in to tickle his nephew.

Despite his feigned brightness, he felt absolutely miserable, on a physical sense and a mental sense. He was angry that he couldn’t just suck it up just for a little while, devote himself to his family and just have a good time. He had started to wonder if he ever could again, or if it was too late for him.

But he was given some sense of hope when his niece grabbed for his hand in the sweetest way imaginable, and he felt some warmth ignite within his heart and he knew maybe, just maybe, there was still hope for him.

Time had begun to pass and a fiery lustre began to cascade down onto Veradero beach. It was quiet, save for the sound of seagulls and the tides coming in and occasionally the sound of his family’s laughter.

As the day began to fade so did Lance’s energy, and while he could feel like his blood was boiling it was like his skin was covered by a layer of bitter ice. He watched the sunset, and the way its blazing hues rippled against the ocean. It was magnificent.

He could feel the warm rays of the sun soaking into his skin, and he felt at home again. He felt safe. Secure.

Then his mind took a turn and he wondered what Shiro felt like trapped in that astral plane. Perhaps he felt unsafe. Insecure. Trapped in this dark, dark place. Maybe it was cold. And bitter. And he was all alone.

A wave of anxiety and guilt crashed against his heart, causing him to tense up and claw at the material of his shorts. He bit his lip, his breath beginning to pick up as that blanket of guilt began to engulf him once again.

“Hey man,” Keith greeted as he sat down next to Lance. “Quiznack, that sunset is really something, huh?”

Lance looked up to see him, and his nose was so sensitive the slight shift in pressure caused his breath to hitch. He had been sitting with his knees up, so he buried his face into his knees and sneezed harshly four times, a very forceful and sickly sounding fit compared to his usual tickly, soft fits.

Keith frowned, “Bless you. That doesn’t sound too good, Lance.”

Lance glanced over at him, but he couldn’t bare to look at his kind, warm gaze. It made him feel like he was deceiving him.

Keith tensed a little, and sighed, looking away from Lance and into the sunset, “Alright. Just tell me, what did I do?”

Lance blinked, “What?”

He shifted to face him, “Tell me what I did, Lance. You can’t even look at me. You’ve been so odd around me lately. What’s going on? Look, if you’re mad, you’re mad–and I’m sorry. But I can’t fix things if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m not..I’m not mad. And..it’s not your duty to fix,” Lance murmured, feeling uncomfortable now he was on the verge of revealing the more vulnerable side to him.

“What do you mean? Of course it is. If there’s something that’s bothering you about me then I have to fix it.”

Lance bit his lip hard as tears began to well up in his eyes, beginning to cloud his vision, “I..It’s me. It’s all me. It’s all, stupid me who can do nothing but mess everything up. You can’t..can’t fix this.”

A few tears managed to spill from his eyes, which he aggressively wiped away with humiliation.

Keith was alarmed, “Wait..what? What are you even talking about, Lance?”

Lance didn’t even know what came over him, but the waters had been pushing the dam too long and it was about time it burst.

And it all came crashing through.

The tears couldn’t seem to stop falling down his cheeks, “Shiro. He tried telling me. Only I was too stupid to see. Pidge and Hunk are out here cracking and creating algorithms daily and i can’t even figure out a message that is point blank in front of me. We are meant to be saving lives and I nearly lost Shiro his because I was too stupid.”

“God, I don’t even know why I’m here half the time, in this seventh wheel that nobody asked for–I have nothing to offer and the only thing I have ever contributed to the team seems to be mistakes everyone has to go and clean up.”

“Every time I see you or Shiro I feel like my heart is being stabbed because every time I’m reminded by what I nearly did to you and him. And yet you’re still so so nice to me and you’re so soft and so gentle and every time I look at you I feel sick to the stomach because you don’t even realise what you’re looking at.”

Keith couldn’t do anything else but just stare at him for a good minute. There was so much just said and it needed a little while to process. Keith was in a state of disbelief, unable to comprehend how he had never known. How he had never even realised that this is how he felt. How someone like Lance could feel this way.

His brain was an absolute storm of clashing thoughts but eventually it calmed down, so he could finally collect himself, “I know what I’m looking at, Lance.”

Lance still couldn’t look at him.

“I’m looking at a guy who loves so deeply and cares so much for his team mates. I look at a guy who works so hard, goes the extra mile and achieves more than anyone ever expected from him. I see the heart of Voltron, who we certainly don’t deserve, but desperately need.”

He looked away with a slight flush on his cheeks, “I see a guy who I’ve grown to care about. Maybe a lot more than I thought my heart was capable of.”

Lance couldn’t really say much because he was still crying, and all he was capable of was pulling Keith close to him into this hug, burying himself into his warmth and clinging on to him to make himself feel safe.

“I’m cradling you in my arms,” Keith joked weakly, “You better not forget this time.”

“I never did,” Lance whispered softly.

Keith blinked, incredulous, both feeling kind of annoyed, but also moved at the same time.

But he couldn’t dwell on that feeling because he had just become aware of the intense heat his friend was radiating.

He pulled Lance away slightly, enough so that he could lay a hand on his forehead, “Quiznack! Lance, we need to get you home..”

Lance’s mother came plodding along the beach, towards them, “Are you boys alright?”

Keith shook his head, “Lance has a fever, I think–he hasn’t been feeling well all day and I think it’s just gotten so much worse.”

His mother’s eyes widened in alarm, placing a hand on her son’s cheek, worry etched on her face, “Ay, mijo, you’re so sick! You always do this..”

“I just..didn’t want to disappoint anyone again, mama,” Lance whispered softly, voice croaky and weak.

“Mi amor, you never did. There has never been a day where I have never been proud of you, now, let’s go home,” She reassured, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead as Keith guided Lance to his feet, beginning their journey home.

Keith tucked Lance into his covers (after much fighting over Lance taking the bed, there was no way Lance would let his guest take the floor, and there was no way that Keith would let his sick friend take the floor–and one of them was currently stringer and healthier than the other, and they won) he laid over a cool cloth over his head.

“That feel better?” He asked softly.

“Much,” Lance muttered.

Keith absentmindedly ran his hands through Lance’s soft, messy hair, making a map in his mind of all the features of his face, gazing at him with all his attention focused on him.

“Lance?”

“Mm?”

“You know there was nothing you could have done, right? That Shiro would not want you to make yourself this sick worrying and guilting over something that was not your fault?”

“It doesn’t make it not my fault, though.”

“But it wasn’t. You put this burden on yourself.”

Keith smiled softly, “Lance, you love the universe so much you would much rather blame yourself for its horrors. It’s what makes you a hero. But you can’t save everybody, Lance. It sucks. It does, but you can’t. You’ve got so much hope and you’ve got to hang on to that, because sometimes it’s all we really have, and we can’t lose that. You need to guide us through the dark.”

“You gotta look after yourself too, buddy.”

Lance smiled feverishly, “I feel a lot lighter.”

He fell asleep shortly after that. Keith did too eventually, a few hours later they woke to a harmonious melody. The lively and bright timbre of a traditional Cuban folk song.

Keith wrapped Lance up in a blanket and slowly walked him out to the family backyard where they joined in on the music. The night was alive with the sound of Marco’s maracas and Veronica’s guiro and Lance’s guitar. It finally felt like the moment he had fantasised about in his dreams. There was a milky twilight above them but Lance could feel the sunshine reigning upon them. And when he looked at Keith he didn’t feel sick, he felt so alive.

And for the first time in a few weeks he felt free.

#lance mcclain #keith kogane #langst #klance #klangst #vld lance #vld keith #voltron #whump #voltron s6 spoilers #voltron spoilers #sickfic #vld #voltron legendary defender #prompts #lance's family

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alexwinfield-blog1 · 5 years

Text

Digital Footprints: Put YOUR stamp on it.

It’s Monday morning. A new day. Another week of school. You turn off your alarm and head straight over to Twitter. “Monday already !!!!!!! (Crying emoji X10) Can’t w8 to get back into bed”. Your phone pings. It’s Lizzie. Your BFF. She never lets you down. Except not today it seems. “Soz bbe. Sooooo ill. Grab any hw sheets for me plzzzz (blowing kiss emoji) xxxx”. Mum shouts up the stairs “Are you getting up at any point today? The dog needs walking and you need to take your brother to school!” You slam your phone into the duvet, roll your eyes and take a deep breath. You’re annoyed and the day has only just begun. Toast in one hand and dragging your brother out the door by the other, you smile at the postman. “Morning”, you say. Knowing full well he loses your packages ALL THE TIME. Be nice mum always tells you. Manners cost nothing.

You get to school. The mean girls stare you down as you walk to your English lesson. You try to look cool. You tell yourself that one day they’ll take you in as one of their own, but maybe today just isn’t that day. You find your seat, unpack your books, your pencil case, tucking your phone under your hideous plaid skirt. Silly really. Illuminating skirts aren’t exactly the school uniform market’s latest innovation. You’re top of your class. You know you shouldn’t be scrolling through Instagram in a lesson, but everyone else does, and you for sure don’t want to stick out any more than what you already do. You get A’s in nearly every assignment and you compete in nearly every extra-curriculum sport in the school, but you can’t help but fantasise about that Instagram #gymbod. Your parents are immensely proud, and your teachers? You can’t do enough to please them. You love school. Never too shy to raise your hand in class, never too eager to stand in front of the WHOLE of year 11 to deliver a speech about the school’s litter policy, and never too embarrassed to admit to your friends that you’ve not even kissed a boy.

It’s lunchtime. You and your best friends of 12 years gather around the canteen table.They tell you about their exciting weekends. How their heart throb boyfriends distracted them from getting any work done. How they got ridiculously drunk at a family party and how their mum grounded them for coming home at 10:33 – 3 minutes later than expected. And you? You just listen. For the most part, you spend your break and lunch times talking in the hockey team WhatsApp group chat. They’re a laugh. Sometimes you tell the girls about your boring weekend, or even fluff it up slightly by telling them you actually got out of your pyjamas. They would never believe you. You’re well and truly the plain Jane out of the bunch. The new boy in your year asks if the seat next to you is taken. The girls think he’s a nerd but you think he’s quite cute. You say no. The girls sigh as if to say “you’re such a loser”, but you don’t care. You have to pretend you don’t know his name, that you don’t have an unhealthy obsession with checking his Facebook. You know his cat goes by the name of Clive, but you pretend you don’t know that. You know he plays for the local rugby team, but you’re not supposed to know that either. You don’t know that his birthday is the 6th of June, and most importantly, you must NOT show any bitterness towards his girlfriend of 3 years.

Home time at last. You’re loosening your tie as you get closer to the front door, eager to jump straight back into bed. PING. It’s the girls group chat. “House (girl dancing emoji) Sat nite. 8.30. B there or b (square emoji)”. NOOO. You promised mum you’d have a film night with her. Saturday night rolls around. You’ve been plotting all week how you could get away with this one, but she’s a mum. They find out everything. Not this time. You divert from the party situation. It’s now a revision sleepover situation with the girls. You ask to go and of course you’re allowed. School first, partying second. It’s 10pm. You’re having the best time but you assured mum updates on the revision sesh. So, as promised, you load up Instagram stories. On your second Instagram account, obviously. By second, you mean the only Instagram account your mum thinks exists, right? You locate the photo album named “revision”. You browse this until you find the most colourful, most mind-map-ful, most hard working-esque photo you can find. And voila! A little later, in comes a text from mum. “Wonderful stuff. Looks like you’re really working hard. See you in the morning :)” . Little does she know, over on what might as well scream @yourerliar101, several stories and photos were posted of your amazing night with your besties. In the morning it seems the party was a huge success. Tweets and Instagrams raving about the night – “Can’t believe Josh taught every1 to do the (worm emoji) (cry laughing emoji)”. “Had the best nite EVAAAAAA (tongue out emoji)”. “Me and the gals last night!!!!!!! (cocktail emoji) (heart eye emoji) #lovethem”.

Sound familiar? Well, this may not be too dissimilar to a day in the life of your late teenage years. (Millennials, this one is for you!) Through this artificial account, we learn that in just 24 hours, you are likely to perform a variety of different roles. You’re a reliable friend and a caring sibling. You’re also studious, a potential lover and occasionally a liar. But sometimes it’s for the best, right? So, quite literally, how can these personalities become transparent online?

Just like this teenager, the average social media user, whatever you may define this to be, can be traced online. Social media can speak volumes about a person. Not just what they get up to on the weekend, but the finer details. For example, they’re obsession with their house rabbits, how much they can’t stand their boss, and more recently, how they’ve jumped on-board Facebook’s latest bandwagon, “rate my meal”.

Social media, such as Instagram and Twitter allow me to present the most favourable, or sometimes least favourable, versions of myself. If you were to rewind to old school Alex on Twitter, you would definitely find tweets containing homophones, such as “u”, with my favourite acronym, still to this day, being “lol” – only used sarcastically of course. As well as this, I was a sucker for, and admittedly still am, a cluster of exaggerated punctuation, but mostly “!!!!!!!”. Although Crystal (2008) claims that young users of social media, especially in SMS, will use abbreviations such as “GTGMIW” (Got to go, mum is watching), this wasn’t necessarily the case when I was growing up with social media. Nowadays, it’s all about filtering what you put online. This screening allows you to hide your online activity, for example by disguising your wild Friday night shenanigans by deselecting your mum from viewing your Snapchat story. Or, creating a separate Instagram just for your friends’ entertainment. You can be as embarrassing as you like and you won’t have 800 followers judging you.

Goffman (1974) refers to this online social interaction as “audience segregation”. We ultimately filter aspects of our lives from certain people in order to curate and maintain a multitude of personalities depending on the context we are in. So, for me, this means presenting a sensible, family-friendly Alex on Facebook, an interesting and good-humoured Alex on Twitter, and an exciting, adventurous Alex on Instagram. Let’s take a look…

So, 2017 A-Level Results day. Here, we’ve got a definite exaggerated use of punctuation and excitable capitalisation. Not only this, I clearly thought the use of the extreme smiley emoji X2 wasn’t enough, resulting in going the extra mile with a #. What am I doing here? Looking back on this, this for sure could have been Facebook worthy. This could have bagged me a gushing army of comments from overjoyed family members bursting with pride. But why Twitter? My friends would see this. People I know, but don’t really know, would see this. Those 23 likes - those 23 people thought this was worthy of a tweet and that’s all that mattered. In this moment, I. Was. Clever.

Evidently, over the years, I desired to either be desperately funny or desperately embarrassing. You decide this one.

Would I have found any of these tweets to be bland if I weren’t to use homophones? Or exaggerated punctuation? Or hashtags? Were these attempts for me to moan about how busy my life was? Did I want sympathy or just someone to relate to?

Here’s Instagram Alex. Holidaying in the Dominican Republic, Lanzarote and Greece. Eating Wagamamas at least once a week. Being overly obsessed with a French Bulldog, attending fancy-dress parties and the occasional festival. This is what I choose to share online. Not very exciting, but a fairly accurate representation of me. You can guarantee nearly every other caption incorporates an excessive use of emoticons, sarcasm and most definitely a little too much of this “!!!!!”.

What do these linguistic features allow me to achieve?

If I asked a complete stranger to read my Twitter, browse my Facebook and scroll through my Instagram, they would probably argue that my presence across these social media platforms doesn’t really differ that greatly. You could say that for the most part, I present the most authentic version of myself online. I’m not one to shy away from no-make up selfies, or tell the world about how groggy I feel after waking up from that 3- hour nap, or in fact how much I moan about going to my 20 hours a week part-time kitchen job.

However, for some people, this is not the case. Without audience segregation there would be a context collapse. Employees would start saying “lmao” when their boss asks for a coffee. Students would use inappropriate emoticons to sign of their “sorry I can’t make it to the lecture today, I’m ill” email. Parents would text, or even worse, tag you in their FB status announcing “#DINNERISREADY” instead of actually calling you down for dinner, and we definitely don’t want to live in a world full of parents who hashtag EVERYTHING.

So, what can we learn from this?

For both professional and personal matters, it’s important to present yourself online in a way that is consistent. You don’t want people to think you have 25 different personalities. Keep this for the real-life stuff. No one likes a catfish. After all, if 70% of employers screen candidates’ social media before they consider hiring, it’s important to avoid branding yourself as a fool online. Keep those drunken night out videos OFFLINE and maybe consider deleting those 2012 “Like for a rate <3” cringey Facebook statuses. However, don’t go erasing yourself offline completely in fear that you’ll never get a decent job. After all, 47% of employers argue that having an online presence allows them to learn a bit about who they’re hiring. So, be open, but not TOO open. Be YOU. However, if “you” means writing Facebook statuses about how much you love playing Angry Birds at work, or how you’re easily persuaded to go clubbing on a Monday night, maybe it’s best you don’t share the real you online. Be mindful about the digital footprint trail you’re leaving behind.

References:

Driver, S. (2018, October, 7). Keep It Clean: Social Media Screenings Gain In Popularity. Retrieved from: https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/2377-social-media-hiring.html

Jones, R. H., & Hafner. C. A. (2012). Undersatnding Digital Literacies. London: Routledge.

#week5

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