#whatever i'm in it until the end at this point | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

likegoldintheair · 21 hours

Text

Buck sighs into the barely there space between them, a small content thing, and burrows himself deeper into the soft fabric of Tommy's bed. It's one of those rare days where they're both off work at the same time. No on-calls or long shifts waiting around the corner. The next twenty-four hours are theirs for the taking, free to do whatever they want with. Buck, at least, plans to stay in this bed for as long as he possibly can. He's all tangled up with Tommy, from head to toe, to the point where he barely knows where he ends and Tommy begins. Everything around him feels soft and warm and safe.

"I missed you, y'know."

It's more a whisper than anything else, but Buck knows Tommy's heard him by the way his fingers pauses momentarily on his back, before continuing to draw lazy patterns up and down his spine.

"I missed you, too." Tommy replies, voice still laced with sleep, deep and raspy. "I missed you a lot, even though we did just see each other two days ago."

"Two long days." Buck points out, his pout turning into a smile when he hears Tommy laugh. "Two excruciatingly long days."

"Yeah, they were long, weren't they." Tommy agrees, flattening his hand against Buck's back and letting it rest there between his shoulder blades. His voice is softer, sadder almost, when he continues, "they always seem longer when you're not here."

Buck's heart aches at that because he knows. He knows, and he feels it, too. He doesn't say anything, though, chooses instead to press a gentle kiss onto Tommy's shoulder, hopes it conveys everything he can't quite put into words. Another sigh escapes him when he feels Tommy dip down to press a kiss of his own to the top of his head. They stay like that for a while, content in simply existing in the same room, breathing the same air. It's a luxury none of them take for granted.

"You know," Buck says eventually, an idea he's been toying with for a while now, making itself known again and spilling out of his mouth within seconds. "I-I could always move in. Here, I mean, with you."

"Evan."

"I could, though." Buck says again, rearranging himself so that he's resting on his elbow, looking down at Tommy. "I'm already here more than I'm at the loft, a-and most of my clothes are here, anyway."

Tommy just... looks at him, like he can't quite believe this is real. Blinks, then swallows, then blinks again. Buck distantly wonders if maybe he's rushing things, if this is going too fast, but then Tommy's face lights up; eyes crinkling and nose scrunching from how wide he's smiling. He looks... adorable, yes, but also so incredibly beautiful. Buck loves him.

"So," Buck says, a little bit more confident now, biting down on his own smile. "Is that a yes?"

Tommy's smile softens at that, eyes warm as his hand moves from Buck's back up towards his neck, the other one coming up to cradle Buck's jaw. Then, he pulls Buck down towards him, leaning up to meet him halfway. Buck absolutely melts against him, reveling in the way Tommy guides him into one kiss after another, before breaking apart and pressing their foreheads together.

"Of course," Tommy breathes, pulling Buck impossibly closer, pressing another kiss to the corner of his mouth. Buck moves his hand until it rest on Tommy's chest, feels his heart under the palm of his hand, beating steadily as he continues, "Of course it's a yes."

#helloooo i don't know how to do prompts #but i do know how to do whatever the hell this is bless #evan buckley #tommy kinard #bucktommy #911 fic #bucktommy fic #again - if there's a grammatical error no there isn't <3 #nea writes

318 notes · View notes

clixxx7 · 3 days

Text

i hate that autism has become seen as more of a 'quirky personality' that what it is, which is a disability.

I dont just spend my days flapping my hands around and being cute autistic girl despite what people think when they notice i have autism. It completely effects every aspect of my life, i cannot go to school or communicate properly, i can have extreme verbal shutdowns that go on for weeks, i have meltdowns that last hours on end of hitting myself in the head and trying to quite literally get my skin off bc it feels 'wrong', i don't have cute special interests like trains or mermaids and i will force myself to stay up for days to create extremely detailed and long analysis' of whatever criminal has recently become my obsession. I cannot recognise hunger until its painful and makes me feel sick, i cannot recognise the feeling of being full until its painful and makes me feel sick. I cannot recognise needing to go to the toilet until I'm literally about to piss myself. Because of my autism i have hypermobility and lax joints which increases risk of early arthritis by a lot, both my ankles and knees are fucked and i can randomly collapse after just taking and step and my ankle or knee gives out. Extreme phobias i have like emetophobia and nyctophobia are all linked to autism, panic attacks and anxiety attacks i have are all linked to autism, my insomnia and severe burn-outs are all linked to autism.

And its not just me:

Just 30% of autistic adults in the UK are in any form of paid employment. This is amongst the lowest rates of employment for people with additional needs or disabilities. Seven out of ten autistic people have a mental health condition such as anxiety, depression or OCD. Autistic people are more likely to be in abusive relationships and, from childhood, are more likely to experience sexual and emotional abuse. It’s estimated that autistic women are three times likelier to be sexually assaulted than non-autistic women. 1/3 of autistic people are fully non verbal and will never speak. 70–80% of children and adults with autism experience or have experienced mental health problems in their lifetime. At least 3 in 4 autistic children have experienced or exerience bullying. About 50% of autistic people deal with substance abuse or addiction at some point. Nearly nine in 10 autistic women have been victims of sexual violence.

Autism isnt a personality trait its a disability and people need to recognise that, having autism sucks balls man, it takes so many opportunities and careers from you, especially because the world is made for neurotypical people and allistics.

#actually autistic #autism #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neuroscience #disabled #disability #ableism #someone kill clixx #asc #asd #actually disabled

154 notes · View notes

sardonic-the-writer · 2 days

Text

𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

↳ notes: happy birthday to me! when this posts i'll officially be older, and celebrating by being cringe (writing this). i also love that picture of misha. it's him at my birthday party for real. he told me himself (lying)

↳ warnings: none!

↳ song: rock your body—justin timberlake

masterlist | commissions | carrd

• Special occasions like this are few and far between

• The Winchester family hadn't had a proper birthday in decades. While Dean clung to memories of gas station twinkies in replacement of a birthday cake, Sam remembered most of his birthdays with a sort of sad animosity. Up until walking out on his dad for Stanford and spending his birthday that year with Jessica, he hadn't had a single enjoyable birthday party. Maybe that was part of the reason he refused to let you feel the same way about your own birthday—even if none of you were kids anymore

• Worst case scenario, the world is ending again and you all have little time for delicacies. If that's the case, you'd get a quick pat on the shoulder from Dean, one excited bear hug from Sam, and very confused Cas wishing you the best of births before being told to continue packing the shotguns with salt rounds

• "With age comes responsibility, so keep loading those guns. Spider-Man said that."

• "For someone that watches so much trash tv, you know so little about media, Dean." You snorted at your friend, fingers nimmbly crushing salt into a line of rigid red shells before moving onto the next group

• "Shut up before I decide to give you your birthday noogies." He pointed a finger at you from across the room with a single raised eyebrow. Off to the side you saw Cas ask Dean what birthday noogies were not-so-quietly, and you struggled to hold back a laugh

• Even in the worst situations, they could always manage to make you smile

• Best case scenario, however, it's a free day. Nothing to do, no devils to fight, no ghouls to stop—nothing. Just you, the guys, and time on your hands that you all normally never have. So what better way to utilize it than with a little surprise party?

• Sam would be the most into the whole birthday party shtick. He'd insist that it was the least they could do for you after all the years on the hunt together, and even got Dean to budge after a few minutes of petty debating

• "It's stupid and cheesy, Sammy. We're grown adults. We've fought the devil beforr for christ's sake." Dean gave his brother the stink eye from his spot in the drivers seat. Groceries stores and Mom & Pop stores passed them by as they ventured into the nearest town, but neither of them paid attention to their blurred surroundings

• "Come on Dean." Sam twisted his torso and turned to face him fully. "Don't tell me you don't remember the look on their face last month when we brought them back a souvenir from our hunting trip in Alabama. You would have thought we brought them a new car. Besides, this is the one chance we've had in a while to actually celebrate something." Sam's eyebrows tilted up as he recalled the memory, shooting a knowing look at Dean's side-profile

• "So what? I say we just tell them happy birthday like a regular person and call it a day." Dean grumbled

• "Is that why you're driving in the nearest direction of the bakery here?"

• Dean didn't respond

• "That's what I thought."

• "Shut your pie-hole or I'm kicking you to the curb."

• Once the boys get back to whatever new place you all are holed up for that week, a couple of crinkled bags in hand, they call on Cas to help out with setting up whatever decorations Sam had forced Dean to throw in the cart

• Cas didn't take nearly as much convincing to partake in the setting up of festivities, but he certainly did need a lot of it explained

• "I thought angels were familiar with the concept of birthdays?" Dean asked at one point while watching Sam pull part of a cake out of the oven. His hand was slapped away when he went to grab at it, and he glared at his younger brother momentarily

• "We are." Castiel's gruff answer came shortly. "But we stopped keeping count after the first couple thousand years. And it was never done like—" He flicked the party hat atop his head curiously, "—this."

• "What did you guys do to celebrate?" Sam asked while popping the lid to a can of store bough frosting open

• "Pray."

• "Naturally." Dean rolled his eyes sarcastically. A blanket of silence fell over the room after that as Sam set out to frost the first part of the cake. Then—

• "Hey. How come none of you are wearing paper hats?"

• "Oh, trust me Cas. It'll mean a lot more to them if you were the one wearing it." Dean's grin was borderline evil as he looked at the angel

• It's safe to say that you laughed the hardest you had in a while once seeing Cas looking so hesitant in a mini cone hat

• Overall, it's the best birthday— the best day —that you've had in a long time

• You didn't need much, and as a hunter you'd come to expect almost nothing. But knowing that your friends— the short tempered, college dropout, otherworldly friends that they were —took it upon themselves to set all this up for you was the emotional equivalent to a punch in the gut. A lovely emotional punch in the gut

• "If you start crying, I'll leave." Dean snapped at you when you eventuallyvoiced how much this meant to you. But the threat was empty, and you all knew it

• Sometime during the party, you had managed to wrestle a paper hat of his own onto his head, and how it sat on the side of his head like a crooked unicorn horn. Occasionally he'd reach for it as if to take it off, then lower his hand with a small smile

• "Shut the fuck up and give me a group hug, Dean." You grinned with teeth, gesturing at him to stand up

• "Wait, no, I take it back that's worse."

• "I will kill you, Winchester. I swear I'll do it."

• You ended up getting your group hug that day, even if it took Castiel trapping Dean between you and him to get him to stand still

• "I hate it here." He griped with a groan. Sam could only laugh as be watched his brother struggle in Cas's iron grip, and said angel was smiling a bit to himself. You felt your heart swell; even if the look on Dean's face was downright murderous

• "Smile or I'm egging Baby on my birthday night." You said before setting the camera's timer and holding it up above you all

• "You wouldn't—"

• "Watch me."

• All four of you have your own copy of the photo from that night, kept in your seperate pockets and bedside table drawers. To this day you find yourself smiling when you look at it, and even if you'd never know it, so do they

#supernatural #supernatural x reader #supernatural x you #supernatural x y/n #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x y/n #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x y/n #castiel #castiel x reader #castiel x you #castiel x y/n #x reader #headcanons #fluff

88 notes · View notes

cometcon · 2 days

Text

I've been getting increasingly pissed off at stuff like this with Helluva Boss for a while now so I'm running out of room for patience and giving the benefit of the doubt.

I'm not Deaf/HoH but I do have audio processing disorder and I have been involved with the Deaf/HoH community through learning Auslan and needing some of the same accommodations in my life so it's becoming increasingly apparent just how much they get short-changed by a society that does not care and has to be pressed constantly for the bare minimum of accommodating anyone other than the expected default abled demographic.

I'm sorry but while having a character who signs was fucking amazing to see even as a Hearing person

and it's been genuinely great to have the last episode of Season 1 with actual subtitles and all of Season 2 up to this one having actual subtitles

SEASON 1 STILL HAS FUCKING AUTO-GEN

We have to read T R A N S C R I P T S to understand what's going on in the entirety of Season 1 except for the final episode because while Hearing people who aren't affected by needing actual subtitles seem to think autogen and otherwise having to engage with just a transcript is good enough, news flash, IT ISN'T. Autogen has been getting better but it still fucks up (if your accommodation doesn't bring everyone up to speed with the same access as abled people your accommodation isn't good enough) and if your video is older like Season 1s are then they're FUCKING AWFUL. Even good autogen takes more energy to engage with than proper subtitles making it still more difficult than it needs to be to engage with a video.

This has annoyed me for a while but I was hoping they just needed some time to sort out someone to go make subtitles and put them up.

At the very least I figured ok, they're at least putting proper subtitles up for Season 2. Took them until OOPS came out to do it if I recall correctly, but they did it. Strange they stopped at the end of Season 1 but ok, whatever. Give them time.

Nothing has changed. It's been 3 years and nothing has changed.

Then The Full Moon dropped directly after Mammon's Magnificent Musical. I was expecting there to be proper subtitles since Season 2 now is being given them upon release.

...

So basically fuck anyone who needs proper subtitles.

This

is officially lip service to look good, not proper representation.

You can't follow this with fucking autogenerated bullcrap pretending to be accommodation.

I saw someone sending an ask in an hour or so ago to another blog to talk about The Full Moon and mentioned offhandedly in it that they had to look at the transcript to catch a line they wanted to understand and talk about.

I'd been hoping they would just put the subtitles up maybe a day or so later at least.

IT'S BEEN A WEEK.

Vivzie doesn't care about Deaf/HoH people. She chucked the kid in for brownie points. And hey, sure, brownie point rep is better than no rep, but it isn't actual representation and really doesn't deserve that much praise if you immediately follow it up with a fucking AUTOGEN ENGLISH ONLY EPISODE.

Sincerely, fuck you too.

#helluva boss #helluva boss critical #vivziepop critical #vivziepop criticism #accomodation #accessibility #accessibility fail #audio processing disorder #deafawareness #yes autogen is better than no autogen #but if you've shown you can put cc on an episode's release like with S2Ep7 #doing this is a big slap in the face especially after putting in deaf rep #i enjoy multiple aspects of this show as flawed as it is #but i've been having to deal with this channel's flagrant disregard for people who need proper subtitles for literal YEARS #i'm losing my ability to be patient for something that they've literally proven they can build in and release from the get-go #and have chosen not to add for nearly all of season 1 and dropped again immediately after the episode where they had to look good because #they included a signing character #i don't go for the majority of 'allegations' against Vivzie because i know the purity crowd is fucking rabid on tumblr and twitter etc #but this is one i can literally back up most of my claims with current-as-of-this-post screenshots #i'm getting really REALLY tired of this bs

96 notes · View notes

archiveikemen · 2 days

Text

Ikemen Villains JP "Black Wedding" LINE Chat

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

Warnings and FAQ

I vow my eternity to...

William:

"You are a very brave little robin to vow your eternity to me.

Thank you. I'm glad that you're willing to make this vow. ... I love you too.

Until the finishing line welcomes us—— let's enjoy life unreservedly."

Harrison:

"You have strange taste, vowing your eternity to a liar like me.

No, rather, your judgement skills aren't half bad.

Because I was thinking of choosing you too. Perhaps I've surprisingly fallen in love with you."

Liam:

"I'm so glad you chose me... I'm losing my mind.

I'll make everything that upsets you disappear, and give you anything you want.

... So let's continue loving each other until the very last breath."

Elbert:

"Thank you... I was thinking that I want you to choose me. ... I want your eternity to be mine.

I love you too. I love you so much that I want to swallow you whole and become one with you. I'll forever... never let go of you."

Alfons:

"You're quite an eccentric person to vow your eternity to me.

I like that you made this foolish decision despite having no trust in me.

Looks like it can't be helped... let's have fun together until both of us have a change of mind."

Roger:

"Eternity, huh. Is that something you should be vowing to someone so easily?

Well then, this just means that you're destined to be toyed with and brought to tears by me forever.

Haha, no take backs. I've already decided to take your everything from this point on.

Jude:

"What? Forever? Does that mean you'll stick to be until death? You have awful risk management skills.

... Fine, whatever. If that's what you want, then I'll work you hard until you die. I'm not letting you run away till the very end, so you'd better do a good job serving me."

Ellis:

"... You like me? Mm, let's be together. I like you too.

I think I can bring you much, much more happiness.

Stay by my side and be filled with lots of happiness. And then... we might find our eternity."

Victor:

"You have a good eye for choosing me! As expected of my little robin.

Now that you've chosen me, I must reciprocate your love and sincerity.

—— Are you ready to receive the love of this man who devotes his evil to evil?"

#ikemen villains #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #otome #ikevil translations #ikevil misc #william rex #harrison gray #liam evans #elbert greetia #alfons sylvatica #roger barel #jude jazza #ellis twilight #victor

100 notes · View notes

iwritenarrativesandstuff · 2 days

Text

There's something in the differing emphasis that Brad and Hunter and Charles place on the phrase "good guy" that really affected me on my first watch and hit even harder on my second. I'm going to try and put it into words.

When Brad and Hunter say it, they say "we're good guys", as in, good at everything a guy "should" be good at - good at sports, popular with the ladies, on their way to a good university. But they turn out to be total shitheads. They don't care about being "good", they just care about their reputation, how they're perceived. It's status and power - they're good guys and they feel entitled to do whatever they want.

But when Charles, feeling betrayed by this reveal of their character, says he wanted them to be good guys, the emphasis is completely different. Charles wants to be a "good guy". He doesn't want to be a "bad guy".

The emphasis is on good, because that's really the crux of Charles' greatest fears, isn't it?

When Charles wants to be a good guy, he doesn't mean it the way Brad and Hunter do; that veneer of goodness that comes with popularity. He means that nothing he did was ever good enough for his dad. Doing the good thing and helping that kid his "friends" were beating up literally got him killed. Trying to stop Devlin only got him trapped in the loop, stuck until his friends freed him, only able to watch helplessly as a mother and her innocent children get slashed to death before his eyes.

And it's this helplessness that is the thing that truly sets him off at the end of episode 4.

It always struck me just how much of his breakdown there, for as much as he finally gives a voice to his own hurt at the injustice of his situation, was still about other people. Because he was secure-ish, at one point, when he was Edwin's partner and protector. He thought he did a good job at it anyways, but guess not, because something obviously happened with Edwin and he's not talking to him about it. And he likes to think he did good with solving cases, but Crystal is still hurting and haunted by a demon and nearly threw herself off a cliff earlier that day because she wants her parents so badly, and he's no closer to helping her solve that. And all of it, every single part of it, is a reflection of his own unresolved trauma; that he never "made it better" and he can't, so now he tries to be good enough for other people, but that isn't working anymore either, and now someone is threatening to take Edwin away, and even this final shocking act of anger and violence is still in service of protecting; of saving someone from the suffering he was never able to escape except by fucking dying.

His anger, really, stems from the injustice of it all, and the abuse of power by guys who can get away with it because they're guys, when they should've, could've, been good to others instead. It's a large part of why he projected so strongly onto Brad and Hunter - they did everything right, they were good guys who got screwed over, because even if everyone seems to love you, there's always that one person you can never please, right? Who will hurt you, no matter how good you are. When it's revealed that Brad and Hunter are far more like his bullies, like Devlin, like his dad, than he'd thought - controlling, intolerant, cruel to those who "step out of line" - Charles feels betrayed and horrified because he related to them... so what does that say about him?

But here's one major difference that Charles does not seem to recognize well. Charles has never had the power in these situations. He was the victim, and his being the victim is through no fault of his own, but the fault of those who decided to be cruel. It is certainly not contingent on how good he is. Being good in the eyes of people who want to hurt you will not stop them from hurting you.

When he lashes out at the Night Nurse, it's out of helplessness and rage. Once again, he's pitted against someone who holds more power than he does and is threatening harm, and he's just been bitterly, brutally reminded that a smile and a helping hand and a firm word never, ever worked to make it stop. There's only one other way he can think of to shift the balance of power, and he's finally livid enough to actually do it. This violence is a desperate attempt to finally overcome yet another force much greater than him, a transdimensional entity that has unjustly arrived to take his best friend to Hell. And Charles wins, he did it, he stopped her, at least for the moment. But at what cost, when he looks at his friends and can't tell whether they look more scared for him or of him? And can he blame them, when he's clearly scared of his own anger and how overwhelming it is now that it's been let out?

Because he tries so hard to be good and it's never good enough to stop the suffering. Because that anger rose to the surface so easily and maybe that means he's not good at all.

But of course, Charles once again misses something important here - there is a distinction in why that anger exists. His dad, Devlin, and Brad and Hunter get angry because their power over others makes them feel they have a right to punish when things don't go their way. Charles gets angry because he feels more helpless than he'd care to admit, and seeing cruelty inflicted onto others by those with power makes him want to cut them down to size.

And herein lies the second major difference. Charles... is a kind person, at heart. He's genuine. He really does likes helping out, he likes making people happy, he doesn't turn people away who need help, he's friendly and protective. The scene where Edwin pulls him out of his fear that he's somehow bad even though he really doesn't want to be, is outright one of my favourite scenes for what it brings to both of their characters. Edwin knows exactly what to say. While it's always good to check your behaviour, to apologize and take accountability - because no one can be good all the time, and even the most well-intentioned of us will mess up sometimes - Edwin is right.

"Bad guys do not worry about being bad guys."

#storyrambles #hope this made sense. ended up being a lot longer than i meant it to whew.#anyways. charles you mean so much to me :')#dead boy detectives #charles rowland #dbda meta

114 notes · View notes

animatedjen · 2 days

Note

What's some stuff you're really hoping to see in Jedi 3 (either narratively or gameplay wise)?

Oh I'm so glad you asked this 🙌 Because I have THOUGHTS.

Gonna put everything under the cut so this doesn't clog up the feed with a wall of text (whoops.) Some of these ideas I hope to create concept art for, after I replace/fix my very cranky thirteen-year-old tablet. Anyway let’s start with gameplay!

Gameplay!

Maintaining Cal's abilities: Survivor handled this beautifully by keeping many of the skills learned in Fallen Order, instead of undoing Cal's growth from the first game. I think it'll be trickier to keep this momentum into Jedi 3 (the skill tree has gotten so large!) but story reasons could push Cal towards new types of abilities instead of bloating the current options.

More synergy between the lightsaber stances: I like all the stances in Survivor and it'd be A) disappointing to lose any of them, but B) overwhelming to add MORE combat styles. Being able to flow between the stances more fluidly would be fun though, with specific combos unlocked depending on which two are active together. Now if Merrin lets Cal borrow her knife-staff and he puts his lightsaber on the end... MAGICK SABER PIKE GO.

New or adapted movement mechanics: Maybe the ascension cable is replaced with a force ability (Force Ascend or Force Leap for an extra vertical boost?) or is "upgraded" to connect between two anchors, letting Cal create his own temporary ziplines.

Replayable missions: This could be explained in-game with a Force Tear or Cal's own interactive echoes. But I'd love the option to experience story missions and boss fights again post-game.

Customization!

This is a bonus section because Merrin should get new outfits. Haven't decided how to make it part of gameplay yet, stay tuned.

Cal's cosmetics in Survivor are mostly cool, some just funny, but overall a huge improvement from Fallen Order (yes, even though we miss all the poncho designs). For Jedi 3 I'd love to see more story-centric cosmetics that tie into the communities and people Cal has met along his journey. A Legacy outfit (incorporating pieces from his three Jedi masters), an Anchorite-inspired outfit (with arm tattoos), a bounty hunter outfit (the prize after defeating the Brood), etc. Maybe a Bogling outfit? No not made from Boglings; it looks like a Bogling. Hang on lemme fix my tablet—

Narrative + Gameplay!

Explore Tanalorr: Right now this sparkly, strong-in-the-Force, temple-carved planet is a huge mystery box for Jedi 3. There's a few directions it could go - more High Republic history, another civilization (the Nihil? someone new?) lurking in the shadows, or Force-related secrets hiding below the surface. Each Jedi game has followed Cal's exploration of an ancient culture, and I think Tanalorr can be a focal point in that journey.

Defeat Sorc Tormo and the Haxion Brood: I mentioned this in an ask earlier this week, but I so want a resolution to this fight against the Brood. Especially since roaming bounty hunters would threaten the Hidden Path. Maybe Cal breaks back into Ordo Eris, or hunts down Sorc Tormo on another planet. Maybe there's a Force-only stealth section?? Maybe a big multi-wave boss fight? Maybe Caij is there??? (no she doesn't get an invite to Tanalorr)

Dark Side Force Slow: The fact that Cal's Force Slow ability kept its red-stained aura, even in the Survivor post-game, is great. I love lasting consequences and ludonarrative harmony, yes yes yes. Really hope this isn't fully resolved by the start of Jedi 3 (potential timeskip makes it tricky but whatever) and the ability receives some sort of healing through Cal finding his way out of the darkness.

Narrative!

Timeskip?: I vote no, but I think Jedi 3 will vote yes, likely to age up Kata and allow Tanalorr to be more developed. But that also means Cal and the Mantis Crew goes through character development without us (boo) or remains emotionally stunted until we get there (also boo?). I'm more comfortable with the five year gap between FO and Survivor than I used to be though, despite "missing out" on big character moments, so maybe it'll be okay. Maybe. 👀

The Hidden Path builds a home on Tanalorr: This works until it doesn't, whether from outside pressure or the threat of a spy within. I don't think Bode's fears should necessarily be validated, but I do think the risk will keep Cal on edge and hurt his ability to trust (both others and himself.) It'll drive decisions that strain his relationships and be a source of conflict for part of the game.

The Mantis gets semi-retired and then reinstated: I just love the mental picture of the Mantis parked somewhere cozy and decorated with cloth and lights and a hideout for Kata. It's become too small and high profile to use for gathering the Path, but when the plot gets going, they're gonna need her back in action.

Three main antagonists: The Empire, an unrelated third-party with their own goals (Nihil or someone else), and Cal's own demons. The first two drive the external conflict, the third drives Cal's inner conflict and the story's themes. More on that at the end.

A memorial garden: It's designed by Pili and filled with native Tanalorrian plants and trees, from which the Anchorites hang cords and windchimes and bits of colored glass. Cere's saber was buried beneath the largest tree. Cal plays her hallikset here when he's too troubled to meditate. If we want to be mean, this place gets damaged during a battle in Act 3. If we want to be less mean, this is the place that doesn't get damaged during a battle.

Kata has some sort of student-teacher relationship with Cal: I'm torn on her being Force sensitive: this is a story about Jedi and "guide her through the darkness" is pretty telling given Cal's own darkness at the end of Survivor. But Cal helping Kata (and Kata helping Cal) can happen regardless of her Force sensitivity - it would just look different. This is a soft answer because I'm still exploring ideas around it BUT admittedly the angst levels would be higher if she is sensitive.

A battle against the shadow self: Look this one is cliche. I don't care. I want a huge cavern in the depths of Tanalorr where Cal gets to fight a dark version of himself that switches between all his former enemies. If we're making a video game here let's physically beat up our darkness. Let's have it not work. Let's bring Cal to rock bottom to remind him that he is more than his darkness and he doesn't have to do this alone. Let's go back to that same fight later and then we finally win.

There's more to explore story-wise and I will eventually, but I'm overall not concerned about Jedi 3's narrative. Respawn has been very intentional with their writing of Cal Kestis and the Jedi series so far (despite some last minute changes to Survivor) and I love this character and this story because of all the great work they've created. I really hope they finish this journey the way they want to. That being said—

How should Jedi 3 end? Should Cal die?

No: I'll argue Cal dying at the end of the trilogy completely undermines the entire lesson of Survivor.

Cal wouldn't stop fighting the Empire: The Cal we meet at the beginning of Survivor definitely wouldn't. That Cal also watched countless friends die to that same fight and saw two different Jedi fall to their passions-turned-obsessions that led them to the dark side. He may wrestle with remnant obligation or a bitter apathy, but he's definitely not as single-minded as he was before.

Cal would sacrifice himself to save the Path: Yeah, he probably would. Cere did exactly that during the Siege of Jedha when all else failed. But maybe the Path could be protected without Cal needing to be a Weapon - a lesson Cere also wanted him to learn.

Another way: I think the Koboh abyss (that separates Tanalorr from the rest of the galaxy) could be destroyed. I don't know if Cal would choose to destroy it, but I think the Empire would: if they can't reach Tanalorr it's the next best thing.

Now Cal has to make a choice: Leave (continuing the fight alone) or Stay (shepherding the Path for an unknown future.) It doesn't mean they never find a way back to the known galaxy, but it'll take time. Enough time for a New Hope to appear.

Whatever your opinion of the Sequel Trilogy, the line: "That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate. Saving what we love." is not only a complete thesis of Star Wars, but fits really well with Cal's journey. He's become very good at fighting. He wants to save everyone in Fallen Order, and he can't. He still wants to save everyone in Survivor, and they refuse him. His Fight has made a difference (again, Cere says as much) but it's clear this can't be Cal's final answer.

Choosing to protect the Path, choosing to trust the Force, choosing a home. That's what he's been fighting for. I love Cal Kestis because he isn't the chosen one and he isn't going to save the galaxy. But for his family and his community, he saved their galaxy. It's cheesy but I don't care, and you know Greez and BD would agree with me.

Okay this got so, so much longer than I expected. Bonus points if you made it all the way down here haha. I've had a weird assortment of concepts and ideas over the past year but never wrote them down in one place - until now. I've said it before but part of my hyperfixation with the Jedi series is because it isn't finished yet and Survivor ends on such a gut-wrenching cliffhanger. Whatever happens to this series, I'm slowly finding some sort of catharsis through all the edits and photomode shots and half-baked concepts. Thanks for tagging along ✌️

#thanks for the ask!!!!!#this is so long I'M SO SORRY #it is late and my feelings are BIG #star wars jedi survivor #jedi survivor #cal kestis #star wars #jedi 3 concepts

89 notes · View notes

cbrownjc · 13 hours

Text

Some spoiler thoughts for episode 2x05

I haven't done a rewatch yet, so these are just some initial thoughts on the episode (spoilers):

Daniel was so not let go after those 3 days. Bank on it.

Daniel already said it -- the drug den thing was a fabrication of his memories being rewritten. But, more to it, Louis' memories of that time were also rewritten. Between that as well as his extensive burn? Who knows what Louis even remembers of the 1970s either.

Neither Louis nor Daniel remember a damn thing of what happened during what would be the Devil's Minion period! (Particually because who knows how long it took Louis to even heal. With those types of burns, I'm going to say a few years at least.)

The show left things extremely open-ended for both Daniel and Louis' characters at the end of the flashbacks which can be filled with whatever the show writers might have ideas about that time period over how many whatever seasons. They haven't locked themselves into one single thing going forward leaving it open-ended that way.

Yeah, even if they want Louis and Daniel to have had sex sometime later. Because again, they both don't remember anything. 😏

But Armand -- Armand does. He remembers all of it. And oh you dear, f-ed up gremlin, I really did think you might not have been responsible for Daniel's memories, but now I'm starting to wonder . . . .

Louis, in 1973, doing what he does in Merrick. Because it was remembering Claudia -- how she manipulated him -- that sent him running into the sun. And even though he tried -- and failed -- to do it in 1973, he's going to fully remember it in the present day too IMO and, this time, he'll succeed at doing it.

Because yes, in Merrick, Louis actually succeeds in killing himself. It's only because of how vampire blood works, and a lot of it being poured over Louis' body, that he is revived. And I really think we are headed toward a "rule of three" wrt this. I think Armand clocked Louis was close to killing himself sometime directly after Paris because of maybe almost really trying so, and that is why Armand put a veil up over Louis' mind.

Because even back in 1973 it's clear that Louis actually didn't remember the bit about Claudia until he drank Daniel's drugged-up blood! Between that and Arman directly saying "She didn't love you!" (which yes, was a line taken directly from toward the end of the IWTV book that Armand says to Louis about Claudia), whatever cloud Louis was actually under in 1973 lifted for a bit . . . enough for him to run out into that sun and almost succeeded -- which I feel we'll learn/see was actually his second attempt.

His third (and final) attempt will be in the finale. And that time will be the one that succeeds. (And then he'll be resurrected/reborn).

"Am I going to be on suicide watch for the next 1000 years?" Yeah, Armand, it looks very well that you are -- will be.

I loved Luke as young Daniel! And I feel very sure we're going to see more of him. He and Jacob had such a bouncy chemistry.

And oh, the scenes between him and Assad as Armand -- so creepy and sinister! Just what it should be at this point in time between Daniel and Armand, at the beginning of things. They even had Daniel held prisoner in the house for three days, the same length of time he was held in the cage in the books. But everything Armand did to Daniel here was so much more unnerving, particularly the chair thing.

So . . . Armand really didn't know the Talamasca was watching then? Hmm, okay show but I'm side-eyeing that one. Because really, he should have IMO.

Though I did notice that Daniel strategically didn't show Louis the pictures of him and Armand taking Daniel out of the house. Which I still don't think makes any freakin' sense, them doing it the way they did, even with Louis being hurt like that. I supposed Louis wanted to make sure Armand didn't hurt Daniel still, but . . . .

And oh, Armand. I can see any and all attempts to defend you wrt what is coming have really slipped away much after this. I know why you are doing all of this, I get it I do, but . . . *sigh*

You should have told Louis that Lestat was saying, "I love you." But you are still so scared of being alone . . . this is all going to bite you back next season Armand. So, so much.

Would I say it's my most favorite episode of the show ever so far? Not yet. But I known it's the one of Season 2 that I'm going to rewatch over and over the most so far. Yes, I love it for the beginning of Devil's Minion that it gave us, of course. But I love that it also really started to show the friendship and trust that Rolin Jones kept saying last season was between Louis and Daniel. Louis and Daniel just being friends is something I never expected going into the show and has become such a favorite dynamic of mine too.

So yeah, it was a wonderful episode. I do think it was hyped up a bit too much in the "most disturbing thing I've ever seen" department because I actually did not find it to be all that disturbing in the horror department. But as far as character development and dynamic building goes it was stellar and revealed some great things, so I can ignore my little nitpicks.

#Daniel Molloy #Louis de Pointe du Lac #Armand #The Vampire Armand #Devil's Minion #The Devil's Minion #Interview with the Vampire #amc iwtv #iwtv #iwtv spoilers

60 notes · View notes

justleaveatnine · 1 day

Note

i need casino matty to roll dice and the number that gets rolled is the number of orgasms girlie gets what is wrong with me actually. Also i need him disheveled in that fucking uniform of his with like his top buttons undone oh i'm so so down bad for him jj u don't UNDERSTAND

i learned how to play craps for this that’s how much i love you xxx

i hope this can serve as a palate cleanser for whatever the fuck that was matty jesus christ

the casino floor is loud, slot machines blaring and the cheers of successful gamblers filtering through your ears.

matty’s hand is wrapped around your lower waist, slowly inching closer to public indecency as it lowers with each drink he throws back. after your shift ended, he dragged you onto the floor laughing and smiling to play some games as he claimed he was feeling lucky. he had a devilish grin on his face as he grabbed your hand, pulling you towards a craps table and slotting himself in behind you.

you’re stood against the ledge, on your tip toes and leaning forward with engagement in the game below. his free hand holds your drink that he occasionally passes down when you ask for a drink, smiling devilishly at him as you sip from the straw while the glass still rests in his hand.

it’s nearly your turn to be the shooter, and you cheer as the current one rolls their point number. you collect the winnings of your successful pass line bet, and gleefully accept the dice into your hands. fellow gambles place their bets, and chips begin to stack up on the tables surface.

you’re shaking the pair of red dice vigorously, smiling lips bitten and eyes narrowed, when you feel matty lean in closer to your ear.

“whatever your point number becomes is how many times i’m gonna make you cum tonight.”

your hands freeze, the rattling dice coming to a sudden halt in your palm. you whip your head back to him to find him grinning devilishly. the flashing lights of the nearby slot machines dance across his features, and illuminate the cruel expression splayed across your face that makes your core throb.

“matty, it can go up to 10,” you say out of far more worry for yourself than his ability to draw that much pleasure out of you. you’ve had more than enough nights resulting in noise complaints from his neighbours that brought shame to your face and laughter to his to establish his affinity for making you see stars, but he’s never been this ambitious.

“i’ve got a lot of energy,” he states far too cockily. the grin on his grows even wider at the fear dancing in your eyes that he knows you crave.

“cmon, roll the dice!” you hear someone yell, violently snapping you out of your moment of frozen trepidation. his smile is shark-like, eyes gleaming and taunting. “go on, princess,” he says to you sultrily. “roll the dice.”

you take a deep breath and try to focus on the matter at hand instead of fearfully fantasizing about your fate once you leave the table. you turn your head back to facing the action, the dealer gesturing at you to hurry along. matty’s hand grips tighter on your hip, and you feel his fingertips press meanly against your skin.

you shake the dice one last time, and violently throw them onto the table. you pray for something low such as a four, still a high amount most, but hardly a rarity for the man gripping onto you. he’s never satisfied until you’re lying nearly paralyzed with pleasure, your mind unable to think of anything but him and the power he holds over you.

the dice clatter against the wall before returning towards you. the white dots on the translucent red cubes read a four and a two. six.

you grip onto the ledge tightly as you hear matty chuckle arrogantly behind you, dancing his fingertips across your skin. the movement of the table continues, patrons chatting and dealers handing out bets, but you stay frozen.

“we better leave soon then, love, you’ve got a long night ahead of you,” he hums, leaning in close. he presses a soft kiss to the shell of your ear as your knuckles turn white from your unrelenting grip, face flushed and heart racing.

#and by learned i mean read a guide if i made any mistakes no i didn’t #blurb #casino!matty #matty healy #matty healy x reader #matty healy smut #kinda

35 notes · View notes

aliceisathome · 2 days

Text

Time for My Stand In - I'm ready with things nearby to grab depending on how traumatised/angry/sad I am. Currently we have a G&T, some chocolate, a punchable stuffie and some ice cream within reach. There's tequila in the kitchen if none of these work.

So here we are, new house and helper for mum to be paid for by spending a year doing whatever Ming demands, which is immediately sex of course. But Joe doesn't realise that Ming's concentrating on his back not because he's trying to replace Tong now, but because he's trying to replace Joe. Joe's a stand in for himself the poor sod.

It's interesting that Ming can't bring himself to have sex with New Joe though. It's guilt, yes, but also because he never really had sex with Old Joe - in his mind he was always having sex with Tong . In trying to get New Joe to stand in gor Old Joe, sex isn't going to work - what he misses and loved is , well, JOE. it's the companionship, the cooking together, sleeping together and just being together. It's the lights on when you get home and the smell of cooking. Does the spoilt, manipulated prince realise that yet? He might be getting a clue this episode though.

Also my brain hurts

I like Ming's green bedding. In fact I like all the green teal in his condo - the man's got good taste in furnishings if nothing else. Did he get them to redecorate his hotel room to match? Wouldn't surprise me - he's the sort of person who'd put that in his rider. I must go and see what @respectthepetty says about the colours in this.

So - Ming isn't going to realise that New Joe is Old Joe because he thinks OG Joe is still alive but he's suspicous. It could be that Ming won't let go of the fantasy that old Joe will come back to him until they find the body* Wut might guess soon though. And Sol, if Ming hasn't ripped his head off after he sees the music vid.**

OH they pretended that Tong did his own stunts for that first movie in all the press. OK, I get why Ming didn't put two and two together now.

Enter the bastard Tong. Man, he's a piece of work - jealous of Ming paying attention to another man (AGAIN) plus now he wants money from him as well. Don't do it Ming! Loved that he was too distracted by Tharn & Joe to listen properly. Still, I think he's beginning to see through Tong - especially when he won't acknowledge his culpability in Old Joe's death/disappearance. Loved his slightly weary dismissal of him as well.

Tharn - nope. Don't like him one little bit. He can join Tong in the Pit of Despair. They are both manipulative bastards.

All the flashbacks made me sad, especially the watch. And now I'm feeling sorry for Ming even though he's been a bastard and a fool because, well, he was twisted into that by Tong.

Gah - I can't wait for next Friday. The preview implies that the psychic might let Ming know that Joe's soul is in a new body but I think it's Sol's voice at the end. I don't think Ming knows enough to stake out Old Joe's parent's graves. This is why I try to save to binge watch.

Anyhow, the stuffie took some damage points whenever Tong or Tharn were on screen and the gin is gone. Could be worse, and I'm sure it will be at some point. This bloody show has me in its grip.

*I get it Ming, I hope his comatose body is being looked after and worshipped by jungle creatures and he'll get it back. Mainly because Poom's SO cute.

**for the love of the sweet baby jeebus if you're going to cast someone as a Kpop star at least get someone who can sing or use someone else's voice.

#thai bl #asianlgbtqdramas #bl drama #My Stand In #JoeMing #MingJoe #JoeMingJoe #I want Tong to BURN and take Tharn with him #Up Poompat #Poom Phuripan #I'm losing track of who's standing in for who now #My Stand In ep 7 #The Princess Bride

18 notes · View notes

teememdee · 1 year

Text

apologies to all my friends and anyone who follows me for literally anything else but saturdays are going to be for rwby brainrot because unfortunately this show has a death grip on my brain.

#i can't even answer 'do you like the show' without going on a 30 minute rant #the answer is 'almost'#but also yes but also no #whatever i'm in it until the end at this point #but be warned that i am very critical of it lol #tanner talks

4 notes · View notes

kkujo · 10 months

Text

something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍

#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST #talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix #paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to #immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them #not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely #myself in my head yk #and it's so isolating #and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it #oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this #< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as #into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be #like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine #it's so fucking isolating #i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like #fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely #< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do #and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense #because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying #and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality #just if i talk about something a little too much #bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me #but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are #idk #anyways !

27 notes · View notes

honeysuckle-venom · 6 months

Text

Worrying is useless. I'll see a hepatologist as soon as we can get me an appointment; there's nothing I can do in the meantime and nothing urgent anyway. But. I'm still worried. My case is pretty extreme; it's unusual to have so many tumors, to have them in both lobes, and for them to be so large. I just watched a short video about hepatic adenomas (link here if you're curious lol) and it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know but. What I know is. Not great. Almost certainly the next step for me for trying to treat this is going to be weight loss. I'm significantly "overweight" and my last hepatologist wanted me on weight loss drugs, but I refused and wanted to see if going off the birth control would be enough. I'm still not willing to go on weight loss drugs, those scare the crap out of me, there's not nearly enough research about their long term effects. But I might have to look seriously at working with an anti-deit dietician and my therapist and my doctor to try to lose weight through diet and exercise without also losing my mind. And that terrifies me. I've had seriously disordered eating my whole life and currently deal with very fun eating issues that are like 50% eating disorder 50% food and health based OCD, and attempting intentional weight loss is likely to be very destabilizing if not outright deeply dangerous for me. But it might be the only thing standing between me and a liver transplant and uh...I do NOT want a liver transplant. Idk. This whole thing might be me catastrophizing; maybe it'll be fine, maybe there will be some other treatment like ablation or something similar I can do, maybe I'll try to lose weight and my therapist will help me through it and it won't be that destabilizing after all, maybe I'll be told there's absolutely no need for any kind of surgery let alone a transplant. I'm not a doctor, I don't know, maybe there are a million things I haven't considered or found in my own research. But from what I do know things seem...not great and very stressful right now.

#text post #my post #should i have watched a video that mentioned at the end that patients with large tumors in both lobes might rarely need transplants? no #did i watch it anyway? yes #like. it's fine. i'm sure it won't come to that. but also. what if.#and i'm very very nervous about the weight thing #but i have a strong feeling it's going to be pretty much the only option we have left to try to treat this #which fucking sucks #i have faith in my therapist. she has said that if it ever became necessary for me to lose weight we'd do it together as safely as possible #but it's still extremely scary for me to contemplate bc that stuff becomes a very slippery slope for me very very very fast #it's bad enough as is. it'll be a LOT worse if i'm medically ordered to lose weight #whatever. like i said. no point in worrying until i've talked to a doctor i guess #medical cw #medical tw

11 notes · View notes