#what misogyny looks like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

US Tumblr user growth rate is estimated to slow down to 4.1%.

#what misogyny looks like

personal-blog243 · 14 days

Text

I’m not sure what “feminism” has come to but friendly reminder that PUBLICLY interrogating your friend about all of the most private, intimate, details of her personal sex life while she is trying to have a relaxing afternoon by a pool is not exactly revolutionary feminist activism. Especially not when every woman has different experiences and trauma and many women struggle with self esteem.

Seriously one of my friends did this yesterday to my other friend and publicly mocked and bullied her for being “sexually frustrated” because she hasn’t had a penis inside of her yet by a public pool where the sound echoes off of the concrete and anyone can hear everything!

She then said “I love feminism! I love that we can talk about this!” No you are not being a sex positive feminist you are publicly embarrassing your friend!!!

Watching “Sex and the city” really convinced a generation of women that being a rich straight white woman in a big city who has friends she over shares about her private life with is inherently what “feminism” looks like 🙄

All this does is make women compete against each other for experiences with men and it is fucking WEIRD and INVASIVE and DISRESPECTFUL and SOCIALLY INEPT and fucking RUDE! It was none of her fucking business to be publicly invasive like that. Can we bring back social propriety???? Do men talk to each other like this????

Women today think this is “feminism” while we still don’t have maternity leave, childcare, etc!!! And sex education and contraception is under attack!

#feminism #feminist #sexism #sexist #misogyny #misogynist #sex positive #sex positivity #me too #times up #sex and the city #respect boundaries #what feminism looks like #what sexism looks like #what misogyny looks like

5 notes · View notes

blood-choke · 6 months

Note

hiiii… i wanted to ask more about this particular val scene where mc and her talk about that portrait and mc is a bit stuck on the word husband and wants val to know theyre not a man. can i ask what inspired that type of convo? i wanted to know if it’s something you’ll touch up on again? is this underlying feelings mc had before their entombment… worried that val sees them as a man just because mc is masc? cause i know that’s kind of broader discussion in the lesbian community iirc….. was that why you wanted to incorporate it? this ask has so many questions LOL but basically i wanted to say i was intrigued and it did made me think more on those type of dynamics (thinking back to those resources you rb’d a while ago that go more into depth about diff things in the lesbian community)

oh boy get ready for another long-winded answer from me!

a lot of the feelings mc has about their gender are inspired by Leslie Feinberg's work (mainly Stone Butch Blues)

Feinberg was someone who lived & passed as a man for years of hir life, and wrote a lot about the complexities of hir gender and what it was like being a "gender outlaw."

there was actually a scene in particular from sbb that kinda put the kernel of an idea in my mind that led to this narrative of the mc feeling overshadowed by Standard and anxious about being perceived as a man. it's towards the end of the book when Jess (sbb's protagonist) meets Ruth (a trans woman that Jess falls in love with)

Jess offers to help Ruth carry groceries up to her apartment, and Ruth takes this the wrong way & is offended, partly because she thinks Jess is a man.

One Saturday afternoon I found her clutching two huge bags of groceries and fumbling with the downstairs front-door lock. I pulled out my key.

“Here, let me.” She didn’t say thank you. She hurried ahead of me on the stairs.

“Can I help you carry those?” I offered.

“Do I look weak to you?” she asked.

I stopped on the stairs. “No. Where I come from it’s just a sign of respect, that’s all.”

She continued up the stairs. “Well, where I come from,” she called out, “men don’t reward women for pretending to be helpless.” Once I heard her apartment door close I kicked the stair in anger and frustration.

later, after they get to know each other better, they have this interaction:

I laughed and picked at my salad. “Do you know if I’m a man or a woman?”

“No,” Ruth said. “That’s why I know so much about you.”

I sighed. “Did you think I was a man when you first met me?" She nodded. "Yes. At first I thought you were a straight man. Then I thought you were gay. It’s been a shock for me to realize that even I make assumptions about sex and gender that aren’t true. I thought I was liberated from all of that.”

I smiled. “I didn’t want you to think I was a man. I wanted you to see how much more complicated I am. I wanted you to like what you saw.”

i think the inspiration here is quite obvious, hahaha. i figure anyone that's read sbb can sense the similar through-line here in my work. though the conversation between mc and Valentina has a much different tone.

there's another scene later as well after something happens to Jess and she has to have her jaw wired shut. she's working at a new job and is unable to speak, and she's also passing as a man at this job. she overhears some of her female coworkers talking about her and they refer to her as a "creep" and speculate that she's always watching one of them. Jess overhears all of this and then walks out of the job, goes home and pulls the wires out of her mouth herself:

After I was sure I’d gotten the last piece of wire out of my gums, I rinsed my mouth with whiskey and then drank the rest of it so I could sleep without remembering how Marija’s words had stripped me of my humanity.

butches & gnc women still face this kind of dehumanization; compared or likened to men in a derogatory way, accused of being "heteropatriarchal," the predatory stereotype of the fat ugly lesbian, and on the other side they're also hypersexualized, especially online and in queer spaces. butchphobia is a specific kind of misogyny that hits from all sides, even from the people that are supposed to be a part of your community. and this attitude especially effects trans women and women of color, who are already experiencing all of these things due to transmisogyny and racism.

i also really wanted to use this to touch on the kind of gender essentialism that we see in a lot of these cis feminist discussions - to these women at this job, Jess had committed no real crime other than being quiet and being the “wrong” kind of man. something about this scene has always stuck with me and really bothered me, but it's hard to put into words; on one hand i can admit i have probably been one of those women who made some kind of similar remark about a man i barely knew, but i've also been someone on the receiving end, too, because of the way i look. the mc in blood choke is put into this box, but they can't fit in, as someone who has been on both sides and doesn't really understand where they belong because of it; how can she stand beside Valentina or Hana or Clear when they might see her as a perpetrator, someone who can't be trusted? how does this mindset harm both the women and the men of the council and everyone in between? how can we break this cycle?

one of the films i mentioned recently when talking about the character designs was The Same Difference, which is specifically about the Black lesbian community and the discrimination within that community based upon gender roles (though this is not something limited to just the Black lesbian community)

a lot of the women in that doc talk about the boxes they're put in as AG or stud lesbians - they can't have their hair long, they can't wear makeup, they can't do this or that, they have to be aggressive and hard or else they're not real studs. they discuss stud on stud (or butch4butch) and how other lesbians look down on those types of lesbians, as well as the disdain for bisexual women for "betraying" the community. it explores the way misogyny and the patriarchy still oppress these women and forces them into this restrictive gender role despite their refusal to adhere to the other role originally assigned to them, and the way racism specifically intersects and exacerbates it for Black lesbians. there's a stud that's an exotic dancer and wears a weave, and a lot of other studs have a problem with this because a weave is "a female thing." another section follows a pregnant stud, and how the community shuns her for that, because she "dresses like a man and acts like a man" so why is she getting pregnant when she should be "the man"?

mc doesn't remember how they felt before entombment, but waking up they feel this need to prove themselves - both in that they are hard and aggressive like a butch should be, but also in that they want to be this person for Valentina or Clear or Hana (or all of them) that is safe and comforting. but they aren't sure how to do that when the world perceives them as this one specific thing - as a husband, as Standard, as a man, specifically this man who hurt Valentina.

of course we've already seen this to not be true of the companions with the last chapter as the mc learns more and spends more time with everyone. but this is kind of the foundation of where this whole idea came from. it started with my novel & i chose vampires for that story & this one because there is a long history of lesbian vampirism (and also because it's sexy) but there's this "curse" that both Hana & Valerie talk about in their respective stories, the first one being the racism she's had to face, the transphobia, along with this alienation and perception of lesbians as predatory and conniving and aggressive, as vampires, which i just think really lends itself to expanding upon these issues lesbians & trans women face both in general and within the community.

anyways if you want to read more i suggest Stone Butch Blues, which you can get for free on Leslie Feinberg's website, as well as S/he, by Minnie Bruce Pratt, available on the internet archive, Gender Failure by Ivan E. Coyote & Rae Spoon also on the internet archive, and you can rent The Same Difference for $10 on vimeo.

#im gonna be real idk if this makes sense to anyone but me. lmfao #but basically leslie feinberg is a huge inspiration for me #and just exploring the way homophobia and transphobia and misogyny all intersect when someone is gnc #and the expectations put on them #i think about butch al a lot and the things she says to jess and the way that section of the book plays out #and then in the end when the cops raid the bar #al and jess are fags except for what the cops did to al and the way they dehumanize her #how the mc is considered a man in certain instances - when the girls throw a brick at her or when the woman yells at her in the bathroom #or when atlas shakes hands with her and calls her their man #but other times she's a 'proper lady' with V or when that man gives her and Hana a dirty look in the elevator #or when cassius says 'ladies first'#mc is always one or the other whatever is convenient and degrades her the most in the moment #you know?#i dont know. im just saying stuff #basically i want to explore these gendered expectations & stereotypes and how they harm someone vulnerable like mc #how they feel alienated even from V & hana & clear for not being butch enough #but also for being butch and trans in the first place and feeling like an infiltrator #ask #anonymous

44 notes · View notes

clowngames · 5 months

Text

besides everything else, James Somerton is a great example of using progressive language to espouse misogynistic ideas. No one sentence of his was outright misogynistic, but when you zoom out and view the pattern it becomes a worldview.

It's insidious because it's hard to prove without making a 2 hour deep dive so you can have all of the necessary examples on hand. But personally I think it's worse than outright "ironic" sexist jokes specifically because it's so stealthy. It takes an hbomb video for people to even notice, and in the meantime it's allowed to continue and do more damage to the people who absorb that worldview.

#james somerton #just to be clear I'm not claiming that somerton fans were all uncritically adopting a misogynistic worldview by virtue of watching him #but I've argued on the internet for long enough to know 'how it is misogynistic to claim [blaming women for a problem]' is EXTREMELY common #even within progressive spaces. and it's hard to fight against #people don't know what misogyny looks like if it isn't loud

29 notes · View notes

personal-blog243 · 3 months

Text

Mandy Moore in 2002:

Stars in “A Walk to remember” which is a surprisingly sensitive and realistic portrayal of being a religious teen girl who is ruthlessly bullied and has badly photoshopped ironic porn of her spread throughout her school to mock and shame her for not having a penis inside of her yet. She also loves studying science especially astronomy because science doesn’t inherently conflict with her faith and she LITERALLY DIES OF CANCER at the end.

Mandy Moore in 2004:

Stars in “Saved!” Which is a mean spirited, condescending, patronizing, bad faith satire of religious girlhood where OF FUCKING COURSE a religious girl gets pregnant as a teen after a failed attempt at converting a gay boy. Her pregnancy is later publicly revealed to the whole world without her consent to mock and humiliate her because come on isn’t that funny guys????? Mandy Moore is NOT the one who gets pregnant but is one of the religious bullies.

Teen girls just can’t win can they? Make it make sense Mandy Moore 🙄. You’re either bullied for being a sexually repressed prude or you’re fetishized as a porn category or called a hypocrite for having sex.

4 notes · View notes

hadesoftheladies · 25 days

Text

the environment creates the mind, so it's no wonder that most women keep regurgitating patriarchal bullshit like bimbocore. it's what they're surrounded by 24/7, and wherever men are, women's speech is crippled by the constant policing and harassment of women.

additionally, many mothers are quite literally, too busy working to "bother" with feminism and most women's and girls' online lives are saturated with misogyny.

for a woman to even begin to respect feminism, or be exposed to serious feminist thought, they need to be frequently exposed to female-centric, feminist media and thought. they need to see more gnc women, hear and see more women's history, and hear more from feminist academics.

consciousness-raising is so freaking important and with this technology we really need to take it more seriously because this is how we get women to stop tolerating the bare minimum and deprogram themselves! we have to reach them where they are instead of complaining about how "there's no hope for women."

this of course works best with separatist spaces, where women are allowed to think, feel and get angry without men policing or harassing them. we need to create more female-dominant and female-only spaces on the internet and irl.

#separatism #also i'd like to add that women aren't ignorant of misogyny #they are just ignorant of a lot of feminist theory that would empower them to address it #many “normie” women are aware and disgusted by the misogyny of men #they just don't know what the next step is and still don't want to label themselves as feminists because of the stigma #they unfortunately choose individualism instead of looking for female community #and they just leave it at “men are gross and this shit sucks” without going much further #feminism #female separatism

13 notes · View notes

maddy-ferguson · 5 months

Note

women will literally accuse women and esp lesbian circles of "not unpacking ""man-hating""" alleged ""misandry" sweetie xo" getting offended ppl aren't appropriately uplifting how "men are amazing and awesome and attractive and i won't be shamed for thinking so" as if appreciating men is a real counter opinion than blame whatever gave women of every sexuality instance to be jaded weary cautious and tired and who'll complain every now and then and continue on with her life until she dies putting up with patriarchy. just welcome to the "woke" internet where misogyny's over and "man-hate" "shamed for not hating men" is worth springing to defences for

yeah i've only seen people talk like men's rights activists and think they're being unbelievably progressive on tumblr it's kind of fascinating. like i can see how seeing people hate on men could mess with people and stuff but you can't demand men appreciation posts that's literally the whole world outside of idk your tumblr dash (or even on your tumblr dash because fandom misogyny from people who think they're not misogynistic at all is really something). men get praised for "babysitting" their own kids like be serious? it's very let men be masculine

i don't think being like men are soooo gross and we hate them is actually constructive and it can definitely veer into transphobia (you'll always be a man/"a male" and thus a danger to women/why would you ever want to become a man they're the enemy and the bane of society etc) and homophobia relatively quickly?

but the way people ON TUMBLR ""combat that"" is often so off to me like if the most basic feminist principles offend you then i'm not really sure where to go from here. i remember seeing a post that was like "men aren't your enemy. they're your friend/brother/father/colleague/neighbor" with a lot of notes and like i don't know how to tell you this but that's literally who's most likely to harm a woman, the men she knows?😭 and obviously not every system of oppression is exactly the same but would you say the same thing to someone criticizing white people like...just very weird

i think women who are attracted to men and dating them making jokes about how they only tolerate being attracted to men because they have no choice and especially the whole i'm bi so i love every woman and only find 1 in a 1000 men attractive (very often said while in a relationship with a man) thing is obnoxious and annoying for like everyone who has to hear it lmao but also when women who date men make jokes about it (not about them being ugly or unattractive or whatever but about them being bad partners in general) it's like. what else are they going to do like you said they're gonna endure patriarchy for the rest of their lives and as girlfriends/wives/mothers they go through the most it's very bleak? idk. it's not like you can date a better man yourself out of patriarchy

of course men aren't a all as bad as the worst guy you can imagine and they're not all out to get you or whatever but saying things like "men don't all benefit from the patriarchy rich men benefit from the patriarchy but jake, 23, is not oppressing you" is like. kind of insane. jake, 14, was oppressing me like have you never interacted with boys in school😭 and it's not like it was entirely their fault we all have to outgrow misogyny it's just you know society etc but some of them never outgrow it lmao and just...the takes you see on feminism on tumblr are astounding i hate it here

#and like i do think that young guys who feel bad about themselves only having people who make them feel worse and who actively make them #worse like incels and idk youtube algorithms to turn to is a problem but like. again it's the same thing as white people who feel bad about #being white to me in a way like are women and GIRLS supposed to coddle them and say it's gonna be okay you're great even when they're #like actually harming them by being misogynistic to them? that's already what they're taught to do always #the notes on that male loneliness epidemic post i reblogged a few weeks ago still haunt me like OH MY GOD #and if you think misogyny isn't as prevalent anymore you're very naive. and probably misogynistic yourself #i'm not even sure young men being more feminist is true (well it's probably true when you compare it to like the 50s) but even #when men ARE like yeah women shouldn't have to do everything i can help with chores (the use of the word help is already a red flag lmao)#when you look at what they actually do they still do way less like i don't have links because these are tags on a tumblr ask but i read #somewhere that men think chores are 50/50 when they're only doing like 30% of the work? like it just seems hopeless #sometimes i'm happy and then i think about the mental load #sorry for not uplifting men 24/7 you can just hang out on the steve harrington tag or something there's actually a lot of people doing that #when someone said um does the ronance fandom not seem terfy to you...because of a post that was like can the lesbian ship ronance #be about the lesbian ship ronance not about steve A MAN #like you can't make this up #i meant it when i said the average tumblr user would benefit from being exposed to more misogyny like i swear they forget it's even a thing #like obviously they wouldn't BENEFIT from it lmao but their posts wouldn't be as dumb and that would benefit me🙏#ask

24 notes · View notes

mooncrvmbs · 8 months

Text

can we, as women stop pushing the agenda that women are too dumb to understand math and hence make regretful financial decisions by this whole 'girl math' trend?

#girl math #as a math major is this physically hurting me #what the fuck is a girl math bro just say you can't do math don't drag us into this #making women look like a bunch of dumbasses who can't understand complex mathematics #studyblr #mathblr #mathematics #math major #it's the internalized misogyny for me

32 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

yesand87

Yes, and...

alelanext

Alela.Next

vierzehnaufimmer

not actually fourteen

orchardknit

Blog news

unison228

Unison