me: so yeah, because i grew up from a fat child into a fat adult, i've been chronically excluded from sexuality as a whole. so when my peers were having their firsts with their significant others, i was being asked out as a joke. and when my friends in uni were getting dressed up and considered sexy, i was "cute" and "adorable" at best. and in certain groups, even nowadays, i have to be super careful not to show my attraction to anyone, because i will be viewed either as creepy for even having a small crush, or like a middle schooler crushing on some famous idol. either way, i am treated like i don't actually have a chance with them (especially if said crush is skinny or fit). and because of that exclusion from "typical" sexuality, i was very early on introduced to online lgbt+ and kink spaces, because these were the few places where i could feel desirable. so the reason i, as a fat and queer person, may be viewed as overly sexualising myself, is because this is my way of healing from the mindset/culture i grew up with.

cashier at KFC who complimented my chain leather garters:

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

live your dream, build a train, sumo wrestle said train, pick a fight with the government, remove your organs to replace with better, cooler things, don't let the haters tell you what you can do

original post

sometimes a story is about gay sex because there is no gay sex. sometimes a story revolves around the gay sex that is not happening

i love knowing basic css

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

day 15: haunting ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

“you dropped your dead bear": a love story

my 'currently watching' list is someone's nightmare blunt rotation i just know it

did you guys know that octoroks appear in every zelda title except Twilight Princess

"Disabled people should be allowed to be as independent as we can be" and "disabled people should not be pressured to be hyper-independent in order to not wind up in nursing homes against our will" are two thoughts that can, and should, exist at the same time.

got told i looked like a tiktoker by a stranger today because i was wearing ripped jeans with fishnets and bat wing eyeliner and almost let the rage and fury overcome me. does ebony dark'ness dementia raven way mean nothing to you prepz.

Me: Hm. I hate reading the shit Catholics write but I’d better do a google search to check how cassocks are meant to be put on, just to make sure the details in my priest kink novel are correct.

Some priest writing about cassocks in 1897, drenched in sweat, hands shaking: vestments are lingerie we wear for god. my cass;ock makes me a little s issy bitch. I am NOT turned on by this

Miles “Who’s Morales” vs Gwen “Gwwwwanda” vs Pavtir “You seem like a nice young woman I do not know” FIGHT