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dangerpronebuddie · 21 hours

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WIP Wednesday!!

Tagged through the week by lots of people (thank y'all I always enjoy reading your stuff 💜) and today by @wikiangela and @inell who both shared AMAZING stuff y'all should show some love 🩷💚

Still working on Severed Artery, but it's been slow going. It's been... a week™, and the words just aren't wording. I am hoping to have this finished soon because I really like it (most of it anyway lol). While I sit and stare at the doc until it stares back, have some of The Boys vs Helena Diaz:

“Mom,” Eddie says before she can get started. “I know you're worried, but we've got it handled.” “Eddie, you can't even walk more than a few feet without falling over,” she points out with a huff. “What makes you think you can single handedly take care of Christopher? Or yourself?” “Not single handedly,” Buck declares. Helena turns her icy gaze on Buck. “Excuse me?” “Eddie can take care of himself and Chris, he has been for years, but that doesn't mean he's been alone,” Buck says. “I'm not saying he's incapable,” Helena says slowly. She always did that when she was trying not to explode. “All I'm saying is he's going to need help.” “And he has it,” Buck says easily. "I think you might be overstepping, young man," she says in the same tone she always used to scold Eddie with his whole life. “You've done what you were asked.” “Don’t you dar-” Buck stops Eddie's protest with a reassuring hand on his shoulder, his gaze never leaving Helena's. "I step in wherever Eddie wants me.” “Like taking my grandson from me?” Helena scoffs. “Mom-” “Why didn't you tell us?” she asks, looking at Eddie with watery eyes. There are a million reasons why Eddie didn't tell them. A million more why he never intended to tell Buck. But Buck needed to know, deserved to know, and it was the only way Eddie could give Buck his heart and still protect it from being shattered. “I knew how you’d react,” Eddie says, taking the easiest explanation. “You didn’t even consider the possibility of him going with you,” Helena huffs. “It’s not about that,” Eddie counters. “Christopher’s life is here. He loves Buck-” “And he loves us-” “I’m not saying he doesn’t, but-” “Then why choose-” “Because he loves Buck like a father,” Eddie blurts out.

(tags under the cut. As always, please let me know if you want to be added/ removed):

@13shadesofanni @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @tizniz @loveyouanyway

@ronordmann @steadfastsaturnsrings @daffi-990 @kitteneddiediaz

@exhuastedpigeon @spagheddiediaz @hippolotamus @diazsdimples @thekristen999

@actuallyitsellie @daniwib @fortheloveofbuddie @wildlife4life @theotherbuckley

@rainbow-nerdss @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove

@lunarspark-cos @idealuk @shipperqueen6 @slowlyfoggydestiny

@misshiss727 @likeamollusconarock @lin27 @jshadow01 @orangeboxfox92

@smallandalmosthonest @thegeekcompanion @emilybahu @lemotmo @awolfnamed-nyx

@kaseysgirl86-blog @darkrose6578 @totallynotagoraphobic @dandelioncasey @bibuckbuckgoose @whatsgoodinthehood22

@lady-elaine @buckley-diaz-rules @buddiedaydreamer911 @monroemary @pirate-hunter @nonspeakingkiku

And @just-passing-through04

And anyone else who wants to share!! 🥰🩷

#911 #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #helena diaz #911 abc #9-1-1 #fanfic #Maggie writes #buddie wip #911 wip #the severed artery fic #she has a title now!#fic: blood on my shirt (heart in my hand)#wip wednesday

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mylight-png · 23 hours

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I saw your "when will it stop being October" post, and I have a confession to make. I feel guilty for "moving on" with my life. For carrying on, going to work, starting a relationship, laughing, having fun, all these things while our people are still held captive. I'm lucky enough to live in a relatively safe place in the US, and I haven't faced direct antisemitism towards myself (unless you count asshole anons on Tumblr). I sometimes feel the urge to traumatize myself by watching footage of October 7, just to feel something. I've never self-harmed before, and I don't plan to start, but what else would you call that?

I don't think you've moved on. Having that urge to retraumatize yourself, feeling bad about going on with life, that's not something someone who's "over it" would be experiencing. That's still trauma.

First of all, there shouldn't be guilt in joy. Joy is a mitzvah, and you deserve to take care of yourself and be happy. You should be proud that you are able to live a joyful life right now. So much of what Hamas and their fan club is doing is psychological warfare. They want us to be constantly miserable. They want us to constantly be hurting.

It's why I make the occasional "share some Jewish Joy" post. Jewish Joy, or any joy at this point, is resistance.

From what you've written, you're still in October, at least sometimes. Yes, you've been able to move on with your life, but carrying the guilt you describe means you are still carrying October with you. You're healing, but it doesn't actually seem like you're healed.

October 7th was traumatizing. We're all still trying to recover at our own pace. But there shouldn't be guilt in joy and healing.

There should be pride in those things, because healing and being happy are the biggest "fuck you" towards those who wish to harm us. We carry on, we live, we bring light into the world, we thrive. Just as we've always done, we continue to do now.

Instead of feeling guilty for healing, feel proud, and allow yourself to heal.

#jumblr #antisemitism

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goth-mami-writer · 3 days

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☆Unbothered☆ (pt.2)

~(AU) Leon Kennedy × f!Reader drabble/work

~Find part one here

~{Part 3 coming soon! ♡}

@lizzetmv ♡ @danigirls-missions ♡

《 You re-entered the house after dropping the kids at your mom's. You were still tired, but somehow you felt jittery listening to your quiet house from the foyer. Leon would be home later that night, and you'd be alone for a while, but your first thing to do with the silence of your home….evaded your mind. You wanted to catch up on laundry. Or maybe vacuum. But neither of those were relaxing, just necessary. So you decided on a shower.

Truthfully, you just wanted to stand under the water without worrying how long you'd been away from downstairs. When you stood in your towel afterwards, you realized you had time to look in the mirror for once instead of rushing to put on clothes.

Or even makeup that didn't have to take four seconds while you yelled down the stairs for everyone to have their shit ready and be in the car.

You wondered how long it'd even been since you used your vanity, and you sat down in front of the small mirror in your bedroom as you decided on what to wear. After you finished your face, you slipped into a dress that you knew might not make Leon turn his head too hard. It was old, and you'd worn it to events before, but God, it had been years. But suddenly you heard from downstairs as he came inside.

You checked your watch after noticing how early it was for him to be in, and you hurried down the hallway. You found him in the kitchen and asked from the catwalk that hung above your living room if he was playing hooky from work.

“No-” Leon said, not looking up away from the counter where he unboxed the take out dinner he'd bought on the way in so neither of you would have to cook,

“I finished up early and figured to hell with the last hour. God, it's quiet in here without the k-”

You watched as he froze after turning to face you almost by mistake. He had to look twice to make sure he wasn't mistaken, and you questioned the look on his face,

“What?”

“You-” He stuttered before smirking up to you, “I've not seen you wear something like that in a while….Does it feel good?”

You looked around unsure how to answer although you knew exactly what you wanted to say. It did feel good to pretend maybe for just a weekend that you weren't sleep deprived and on the cusp of a breakdown.

“-Cause it looks good.” Leon said, stepping closer to the stairs. While hiding your smile, you crept down to meet him, and you mentioned that the food smelled good to change the subject. You noticed a brown grocery bag on the counter, and your brow furrowed to wonder what else he had brought along.

Leon showed you a new bottle of wine he'd got for the two of you to share but there was something else in the bottom of the bag that looked to be wrapped the same as candy. You held it up to the light to inspect it closer as he seemed to stray away almost intentionally. He began to explain as your eyes narrowed in once the realization set in to what he had bought,

“That- I saw that and figured for dessert... we could share a little chocolate.” Leon said, trying not to sound mischievous, but a grin formed on his mouth playfully.

“Leon- did you seriously buy sex chocolate?” You asked while reading the wrapper plastered in hearts with aphrodisiac ingredients listed clearly on the nutrition label.

He giggled as he opened the wine to pour a glass for each of you and he shrugged, mentioning in a daring tone when he realized his mouth could be a little more dirty now that he didn't have to censor in the presence of the kids,

“I mean…we've never really planned to fuck before. It's always just happened.. So why not…go full throttle? Come on, it'll be fun. They only take an hour to kick in.”

He offered your glass of wine across the counter, watching you bend to his idea of fun on your night off. You took a cautious drink, knowing that the whole point of spontaneous sex was you didn't have to plan it and it was twice as rewarding because of that.

But scheduled sex that was almost guaranteed to be worth a damn….seemed fool proof.

“I know we don't really need it.”

“And, yeah, yeah-” Leon said with that facetious roll to his eyes,

You checked your watch, not telling him exactly why until after you opened the pack of chocolate. Two squares were kept inside the foil paper and you put one to your nose. It smelled like something close to normal chocolate and Leon began to inspect it too under the kitchen light.

“This should go good with that wine actually-” He mentioned before looking up in disbelief at what you were doing.

He saw you place one square into your mouth already, and you washed it down with a sip of wine somewhat fearlessly as he watched in awe. You looked up to him, watching his jaw drop in seeing that you had no more doubts about this, and you said with a purr as you sloshed the Cabernet in your glass,

“We got an hour to kill. You want to watch a movie?”

You were so unsure before these few minutes but now there wasn't a shadow of doubt. It made Leon smile widely while putting the other chocolate into his mouth with a wink to follow your lead,

“Yeah- I'll bring the wine.”

You sat on the couch together, but neither of your eyes were open long enough to even see what was on TV. Leon was nuzzled into your neck, kissing you warmly and much to your delight when you felt his tongue softly grazing.

Your leg rested over his lap, letting his hand knead against your thigh from beneath your dress as your eyes were closed in the bliss of what felt like foreplay. It hadn't felt like this since before the kids were even thought of. While you two were dating those years ago. He'd come to town after an assignment in DC and you'd find a hotel to sneak to for the night. It was always the highlight of your weekend and the way he kept you busy those nights were something you dreamed of anymore.

Gently, he laid you to the couch and your heart raced even more. You wanted to go upstairs but you couldn't move away from this. His hands cupped handfuls of your chest as he lied across you to kiss you. Your legs instinctually opened at the first surge of becoming turned on and his face softened when he felt you welcoming him in so close.

Before you could ask him if he kept any of his condoms down here, there was a noise from under the couch's throw pillow that made both of you jump. You were startled by the whirring and buzzing that was muffled from beneath you and Leon moved you slightly to find one of the baby's toys that had been lost within the couch cushions.

Together you both laughed softly and Leon mentioned in a mutter from above with a wink after you caught a breath,

“You wanna finish this upstairs? I think this chocolate's kicking in.”

“It's been fifteen minutes, Leon.” You mentioned playfully and he shrugged with a smile, asking why you two had to wait.

You agreed with a chuckle and followed him upstairs. Already, you found yourself softly stumbling from only one glass of wine but you knew you'd be plenty sober in just a few minutes. You noticed that he was stumbling as well and you laughed, teasing him for nudging the door frame as he slothed his way into the bedroom.

“Damn, I feel like I can hear the whole neighborhood.” Leon mentioned in a slur from the quiet as he began to undress.

You took the bottle of wine that he still carried and set it on your nightstand. You felt your head swimming re-entering your bathroom, he'd kissed off all of your lipstick as you noticed in the mirror but you stripped down to your underwear, letting your dress stay on the bathroom floor.

He watched you crawl into the bed nonchalantly as he sat on his side, unbuttoning his shirt. He chuckled when he found you snuggled up to your pillow as he crawled beneath the covers beside you.

Gently he pulled you to his lips again, wrapping you around him there in the dark as you both became slowly tangled on the bed. You felt your heart racing but there was this softness present now, one that you didn't feel downstairs on the couch.

You turned, laying him down with his back meeting the mattress and straddled his waist before leaning back down to his lips. His hands met your face, cupping under your jaw but you felt as his fingers then tangled into your hair so sweetly as he kissed you. This was the softness that felt so new.

Both of you became out of breath from the shared, elevated heart rate between you and Leon pulled away only for a moment to put your forehead against his. He knew too that any kind of touch or kiss hadn't felt like this in years and he muttered with that same intoxicated cadence that you found endearing,

“It feels good to just do this too.” He chuckled under his breath, letting his lips graze yours as he spoke,

“Are we that damn old now? Where getting off just to do it won't cut it anymore?”

After telling him you loved him, your eyes fluttered when he told you the same. He lied your head on his chest and together you both fell asleep just as you thought you would. Leon held you in your shared slumber that was broken hours later by your phone ringing.

Your mother had called to give you an update that they'd made it to the children's aunt's and tiredly you thanked her for the call, mentioning that Leon and yourself had gone to bed a little early after dinner. You told the children you loved them and missed them before hanging up.

Leon awoke hearing you talking to your mother and he rose on his side of the bed to ask if the kids were okay. You nodded but noticed him holding his head after he spoke.

“How the hell am I light headed with a splitting headache?” He asked in a groan but as soon as he became close, you felt something churn from inside you. It's like the scent of his cologne was almost overpowering but it was…nice?

You put your nose into his neck, smelling for which one of his usuals that he wore but you furrowed your brow with a deep inhale

“What cologne are you wearing, baby?”

You felt his skin shimmer with goosebumps strangely as your nose grazed him and he trembled,

“Jesus- baby, I'm not wearing cologne.”

You told him how good he smelled but then raised from the bed to open the bedside window since normally you both sleep with the fan on. Leon tried to look and see what time it was, but your silhouette in the dimly lit room made his eyes widen. You slightly leaned over your dresser to unlatch the window, and Leon watched as the curve of your ass shook as you reached forward.

He felt a twitch towards his navel and looked down below the covers to find out exactly why he was lightheaded.

There wasn't any blood flow and hadn't been. He was sporting an undeniable hard-on from the aphrodisiacs.

“Hey honey-” He said, trying not to sound alarmed that he was so hard that he couldn't think straight thanks to the chocolates that had kicked in during your small nap.

“What?”

“We're gonna need to keep that window closed tight.”

You turned around to snap heatedly that it was hot as hell up here but you saw that his eyes kept glancing down to his lap. You put the pieces together, looking at your phone to see what time it was but when you moved you felt a chill of cold air between your thighs. You were wet and your thighs were smeared with moisture from the arousal brought on by those damn chocolates.

Your eyes shot to Leon, who brought his hand up to show you the tremble in his fingers from being so turned on that he was shaking. You knew this was why you thought he smelt so good those moments ago, it was intrinsic like an instinct. Leon then reiterated with an urgency that begged you to get back in bed before he got up to do it himself,

“Close that window, or this whole damn neighborhood is gonna hear us instead.”

You slammed the window shut, thinking to yourself as your veins swelled with your racing heartbeat to know that you needed him so desperately. This might take all night and you had never been so thankful for falling asleep in all your life when you told him breathily,

“And to hell if they do.” 》

#leon kennedy au #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #resident evil #x reader #reader insert

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boinin · 2 days

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Blue Lock Chapter 263

What a wild (and wordy) chapter. I have a few rambly thoughts on it.

Firstly, on translations - as someone who posts meta and likes sticking to canon in my fic writing, the official translation is the one I tend to share panels or quotes from. While I'll hold it's a better source for nuance, the consequence is some truly clunky dialogue choices. Karasu's trashtalking to Isagi suffered this week - the PO2 version on the right flows far better:

Getting called a "non-dunce shooter" isn't going to have Isagi rocking in the corner anytime soon, even if it better reflects the original Japanese.

On the flip side, the official translators went harder on the Kaisagi shipbaiting this week. While you could argue Isagi's only talking about the match, his line of thought is more distinctly about Kaiser in the official release...

The last example, I'm split on - the official translation made me laugh, but Kaiser squeezing an unnecessary f-bomb into his dialogue detracts from the sense of wonder at his transformation. Tracks with his habit of saying ex-fucking-cuse me though.

Either way: what a gorgeous panel.

The other things I liked? Rin continues to talk in childish terms about football. He'd mentioned before how he views other players as toys; this week, he's cranky that he hasn't had the ball in a while. Boo hoo!

Not to depress anyone, but who else bets Sae was really good at sharing the ball with Rin when they were kids? 🥲

The last panel sets up Kiyora to do something audacious next chapter, which I'm super hyped for. He's a loose canon with seemingly no loyalties, besides a grudge against Isagi, so I have no idea what to expect!

I enjoyed how they framed his appearance in the last panel. Beforehand, they show Isagi and Kaiser (loosely) co-operating, but we get a glance at some of the others too.

It lays out the dependencies really nicely:

Noa, the BM coach, monitoring his team evolving at a rate of knots...

Karasu, PXG's strategist, who earlier commented on how much of a beast BM has become and whose value as a MF is suffering because...

Shidou, despite already scoring, has been rendered completely ineffective by...

Kunigami, assigned to mark Shidou and performing more effectively than he did vs Ubers while in a defensive position. He links back to Noa as his so-called "vessel", but he's not embodying Noa's ego all that much right now. Another source of chaos and anticipation...

It's just really well-done visual storytelling, so I wanted to point it out.

Now we've got another week or so to ponder what Kiyora might bring to the storm 🔥

#blue lock #bllk #blue lock manga #blue lock analysis #bllk manga #bllk analysis #bllk chp 263 #karasu tabito #isagi yoichi #michael kaiser #itoshi rin #noel noa #shidou ryusei #kunigami rensuke #boinin talks bllk #long post #mine #blue lock manga spoilers #blue lock spoilers

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allastoredeer · 3 days

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Can I ask your opinion on radiobelle/charlastor and radiodust? I'm just curious because, other than chaggie, they were like THE ships pre-show while radioapple was pretty rare, and now it's kinda the other way around, and huskerdust shippers finally getting fed

I don't really favour any Alastor ship over the other (huge multishipper over here) and I haven't found a problem that can't be solved or made worse with a polycule, actually (with Alastor centre stage <3)

AYYYE! Hello my fellow Alastor multishipper! And yes, of course! I'd love to share my opinions and thoughts :3

When I first saw radiobelle/charlastor I felt kind of weird about it - this was before the show even dropped. While I wasn't active in the fandom after watching the pilot, I still saw things here and there, and radiobelle never really did it for me.

Recently though, I've been coming across some super cute radiobelle fan-art, and honestly? The ship doesn't really bother me. In fact, it's kind of growing on me.

I know people like to rave about how Alastor is like a "father figure," or Charlie "saw" him as a father figure, especially during the "Dad Beat Dad" episode. But, like, it's really not that big of a deal. They are, in no way, actually related. There is no familial ties to them aside from words and perceived feelings. And even if she does truly see him as a father figure, fandom is THE place to go to change canon and do whatever you want with the characters. That's what it's always been and that's what it's always going to be.

Besides, the ship has a lot of cute potential and I'm so here for it. I think one of the reasons people hate on it so much is this weird, perceived power-difference/imbalance between them. What with Charlie being this wide-eyed, hopelessly optimistic, and sometimes very naive women, and Alastor being this darker, manipulative, seemingly "older" man. I can see how that would squick people out, especially with the idea of Alastor manipulating/using Charlie.

However, I'd like to argue that Charlie is a grown-ass adult. Considering how the aging process works in Hell (particularly with Hellborn. Particularly with hellborn royalty, considering Lucifer is a fallen angel who's older than time itself and yet looks like he could be the same age or younger than Alastor), Charlie could be leagues older than Alastor. Maybe she's actually a couple hundred years old in Earth years, but she's considered in her mid twenties in Hell years.

As for the manipulation thing, we've been shown several times in the show that Charlie won't put up with Alastor's bullshit, and that she'll even call him out on it. I don't think she's as naive to Alastor's manipulation or schemes as everyone thinks she is.

I'm not a die-hard radiobelle shipper or anything, but I think its a pairing that has a lot of cute and wholesome potential. I think it gets WAY more hate than it deserves. (Besides, has no one considered the absolute hilarity of Lucifer meeting up with his daughter for the first time in years, and getting introduced to her creepy, dark, sadistically weird boyfriend with an obsession with 20th century radio? Does no one else find that fucking hilarious?? Just me??)

As for radiodust, I wasn't weirded out by it like I was with radiobelle. Originally, I was just kind of meh about the ship. But also like radiobelle, I've been seeing more content of it and its starting to grow on me. An Alastor/Husk/Angel Dust polycule actually sounds kind of cute, and has the potential for a very interesting dynamic to play around with.

My general consensus: While I'm not a die-hard shipper of radiobelle or radiodust, I like the pairings and I can see why other people would like them too.

Additional, to those who do dislike these two ships, that's okay. Some pairings just aren't to your taste, and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes a pairing just squicks you out. That's fine. Just don't harrass other people who do like it. If you do not like these pairings, then move on and read/watch/look at something you do like. It's that simple.

I have mad respect for both of these ships because, like you said, dear Anon, they were what kept the Hazbin fandom going for years. Let's show some respect for our elders, people. Honor those who came before 🫡

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omnificent-orion · 2 years

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♟🩸♙

Patreon | Ko-Fi | Commissions | Print Store

#Orion's Art #The Evil Within #Psychobreak #Joseph Oda #an icon I made for my twin Super #his design here is based off an ''Evil Within 3'' idea #that we've been chipping away at for a few years #mostly just a gdoc for now haha..#we've been wanting to share it for a while #but it's hard to figure out HOW

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landwriter · 1 year

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Bite late to the party but absolutely CANNOT stop thinking about your 70s SF au after seeing the Keats/Shelley thoughts. The idea of words and longing and the exquisite agony of all having to read between lines of beautiful words (chef’s kiss).

This au is also giving me serious Tom Sturridge in On the Road vibes (the one where he plays Carlo aka Allen Ginsberg). Have you seen it by any chance? The movie as a whole is unfortunately not great, but there are some brilliant scenes. Such as this gem -

(Okay I’ll show myself out now 😅)

Especially having to read between the lines and trying to express your feelings in this very 'We Two Dear Men, Friends Forever' way right in the midst of this historical microcosm of radically open queerness and community. Or, as Charles Forester, who moved to the Castro neighbourhood in 1971 at the age of 27 puts it: "I was breathing cannoli, fog, and lust."

I've seen Tom Sturridge in nothing but The Sandman! I had no clue he plays an Allen Ginsberg analogue but that's a delightful coincidence because my accidental serious investment into this ask meme answer started when I innocently googled "san francisco 70s literary scene" and found this by Adrian Brooks about the beginnings of San Francisco's queer poetry scene, and went "Hold on, Allen Ginsberg was gay?" (I truly cannot overstate the fact that the extent of my literature knowledge is one very good AP English class - I minored in French Literature and worked in the English department but studied...Political Science.)

I looked it up and found excerpts of his letters with Peter Orlovsky, filled with to the brim with love and wildness and hope. Then I went back to Brooks' piece and saw the poster for the very first gay poetry reading that he organized in 1974, and, well, it all sort of fell apart from there. (handmade poster & more words under the cut)

A funny little fact is that Ginsberg said in 1980, in conversation about oratorical style in English language poetry: "The howl in my style comes from the power [of the sound of the language]---like Shelley." and invokes Ode to the West Wind. Full circle, baby! Full circle!

Anyways I suppose the moral of the story is you can hand me any piece of physical ephemera from the past, a side dish of epistolary love, and I will lose all fucking sensibility and moderation immediately. IMMEDIATELY.

Also: absolutely no such thing about being late to the party if it involves talking to me about my little stories <3 I love it and it's crazy motivational and just like...the equivalent of giving me a warm tea and a pat on the head for Making Things Worthy Of Engagement.

#asks #seventies san francisco au #the sandman #dreamling #i would like to reiterate i LITERALLY named 'seventies' and 'san francisco' ENTIRELY RANDOMLY #HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW #ok self-reflection moment i could probably name any decade and city and find a compelling story and want to share it and retell it #i just (in the tearfully drunken pathos of a wasted white girl) i just love people so so much guys #love the same stories over and over told in different places different times #the same shynesses and worries and tendresse #the banalities and hopes and loves #the fonts might be different but the feelings are the same #and it's real swell imo to feel that connection with humanity past our own lived experience #and see ourselves in people we aren't and places we've never been and times before ours #anyhoot #bit of history #it's an honour to share this here and now with you while talking about a then and there :)

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foxgirlmoth · 10 months

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I don't talk about this stuff on here pretty much at all, but a past relationship really broke a ton of bits and pieces of my brain and heart in weird ways (I'm finally thinking about him almost never but the shit he pulled was abusive as hell and still affects me sometimes). Being in love with my current girlfriends for a while felt almost. Painful? Almost like I should be ashamed I can fall so deeply in love with people, and especially how quickly that can happen sometimes too. Thats how it kind of felt. I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions if I'm feeling them very strongly, and that has been extremely embarrassing and also felt almost like I was being a burden to those I love (which love is the main emotion that can 'get dialed up to 11' for me). It IS debilitating in some ways!!! It hasn't gotten bad enough I've been nonverbal in a really really long time but that happened this past week and it was wild to me.

Things are getting better now though! Therapy in the past has helped, and honestly having such patient and understanding partners has made a world of difference ;w;. my wife is someone who was one of my best friends and I had a huge crush on and now I can ask for cuddles and we can nap together and I've fallen so much in love. Her and her presence are literally heaven for me, I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than just laying next to her and feeling her warmth.

Worries of course flare up and I feel like I need to lean on her a lot during those moments, but I don't feel like too much of a burden to her. I love seeing the posts that say stuff like 'Its okay to be a burden' or 'its okay to be annoying' because really truly I think I need to be those things to survive sometimes. I can be 'a lot' and I can be a little bit obsessive and those things aren't inherently bad or evil of me. I just make sure I'm feeling okay during and after and make sure I'm checking in on myself often. I'm a bit of a broken girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely happy and living a life I love. I've written poems and everything about how it feels like it must hurt to love me and my broken jagged edges, but hey, even if it does a little bit, it doesn't mean someone like my girlfriend/wife won't go through a little bit of burden to love me, and I'm more than happy to return all of this and more for her as well if she's ever in need or feels broken ;^;

#Not to be too gay but I wanna build my life with my princess more and more #She's. So good to me and she's so pretty and she's so beautiful and attentive and she listens to me in ways I feel no one else has #She understands me so well!! And I hopefully make her feel the same #But yeah I've been a burden a lot to people due to autism (which I didn't know I had for fucking ages) adhd and physical disabilites #And she feels like she isn't taking care of me which is good because I'd honestly hate that #But she understands me and makes me a better person and that's exactly what I've wanted for forever.#And being demi/aspec is awesome with her since she's aspec too and there's no pressure for sex or sexy times but if we both want it #It can still be super fun!! We gotta figure more of that stuff out if we want but knowing each others kinks (and sharing a good bit) rocks #Idk its so so so so easy to love my wife Maxie #She's so dear to me and we've only been dating for 4 months but they've been 4 months I've felt the most alive and seen #Its so easy to be cringe but free with her too idk #She makes me better and I hope I do the same for her. I don't want either of us to stagnate yknow?#But anyways yeah this is just a big journal entry of some kind I might do these every once and a while #Not to like. Brag??? I guess. Or show my mental illness so much. Its just kind of nice if friends know where I'm at in my life I guess #And idk having outside input on thoughts can be good. If any friends see this and go 'Hey Runa this is real weird maybe tone it down'#I can look at that stuff a bit more #Gonna tag this in a way I can find it and others in the future too #Runa diary logs #But yeah you're not hearing this from me but I wanna be with Maxine for the foreseeable future more than anything.#Gotta get my degree and a good job too and she's ofc not the only person in my life (I have Sara who is so very dear to me too ;w;)#Nor is she the only 'goal' I have either. I wanna make games I wanna make art. I wanna make something that other trans people #And queer people and just minorities in general can look at or play or experience and just go. Life is worth living #I love my life right now and I'm so glad I've made it to my late 20's.#Its only uphill from here :3 #Wanna add on when I say she's not the only person in my life I mean that I have so many friends and people I love who love me too :3 #♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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theskeletoninthegarden · 1 year

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I have a coworker that I used to love to talk to but she has a problem with interrupting me, constantly, in the middle of conversations. Oftentimes she doesn't react to a statement of mine, and will interrupt with something completely separate, but it genuinely hurts my feelings?

And I don't know how to mention this without hurting hers.

#personal #we work together and although we've spent some time outside of work together it's difficult to make happen #but at this point I really just don't want to #she's nice! she's a decent human being!#but damn I've shared moments when I've been genuinely upset about something #only for her to steam roll into whatever I'm saying and that always makes me feel worse?#like i understand talking to someone who will wait to reply and that reply seems utterly separate #but there's a difference between a response that seems to have no relation but actually does #with the speaker taking the time to make that connection #compared to someone barely making an interested okay or a noise or nothing at all #and then starting on a completely different topic without any sort of lead up #maybe she's just excited to share something with me every time by golly gee conversations are #a two way my friend #i dont get to be the bicycle while you act as the fucking snow plow #i like her but i don't want to talk to her anymore! i don't want to share anything! and it sucks!

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villa-kulla · 2 years

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#have a day to decide if i want to watch the penultimate bcs episode with the guy i'm seeing....#he's a fan (but lbr that means different things to us lol) and he's always suggested we watch an ep together #but that's like.......PERSONAL???#like sure we've been dating for 7 months lol but like.....watch a bcs episode tOgEtHer???? pump the breaks kid #asdfgh omg he actually suggested we watch the finale together and it's just like #no??#how about we do something less personal like have sex asdfghjj but i mean for real #bcs is like....intimate lol #anyways if we're gonna watch one together i'd rather it be tomorrow's than the finale #but at the same time i get way too into it and if he talks i will snap (:#asdf i love how THIS is a relationship milestone to me #like sure let's watch bcs together how about we just get enGAGED while we're at it smh #shares

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dbphantom · 1 year

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this game is so pretty it's not fair

not pictured: lucien clipping through the floor behind me

#i've been really into skyrim lately #the vibes are immaculate #it's a huge comfort game for me #been falling asleep to those '10 hour skyrim ambiance' videos on yt lmao #reminded me i should share some of these screenshots i took the past few days #cruddy rambles #yes my dragonborn is a battlemage what about it!!!#it's genuinely a really fun playstyle to play support while your teammates destroy everything for you #play on legendary and setav their damage values to like .3 and it's so so so fun to play support #you get oneshot by everything so your followers HAVE to take aggro #im a conjuration/alteration mage so i can summon walls of earth to block enemies and wraiths that explode on impact #the thalmor embassy is going to suck but it'll be a fun experiment to see how far this build can take me #currently my dragonborn's goal is to 'save up' enough money to pay for his education at the college of winterhold. so he's roaming around #doing bounties and got roped into the main story by accident #so far we've found lucien kaidan inigo and lydia (who is getting replaced by auri when we get close enough to make me beelining to her #believable on the 'roleplay' part of things) naturally #my dragonborn is originally from solstheim and came to skyrim for the college. which. he doesn't know it's horrible so that'll be fun.#listen i wanted a reason to actually have my character 'established' before i did college stuff as for roleplay reasons i'll be leaving #my followers at home for that questline #so he needs the money lmao

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rotturn · 1 year

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#negative cw #i am feeling. very not good #every day we go to restaurants where there's nothing on the menu i can eat bc all ive been able to manage lately is soup #or sometimes mash potato and gravy but like. its gotta be a Good day and i have not had good days in a While #so i just sit and have nothing while they eat then down an entire block of white chocolate as soon as we get home bc its my comfort food #and like. i dont mind not eating at a restaurant or whatever im cool to chill and chat while someone eats it doesnt bother me #its just when theyre doing it every day and getting annoyed when I say i dont want anything as if they don't already know #mixed w the fact that my sister has been constantly unbearable its just been Rough #esp since we share a room #and we've been having issues w our accommodation in new york but i think hopefully it'll be sorted #im just exhausted and stressed all the time and there's no end in sight #and this trip has just made me aware of how much i do not feel loved by the people who should make me feel loved #like i love my mom and she does her best and she does make me feel better but sometimes shes a part of the problem #and i have support at home my roommates are so good for me but. theyre not here #and i feel shit every time i tell my roommate how i feel bc this is a once in a lifetime trip that she may never have a chance to take #and it makes me feel so guilty and selfish to not enjoy this but its so hard to enjoy #that one week where we were on the boat and i could have multiple soups a day was the only time i was happy #and its because i wasnt constantly starving and we didnt have stress about luggage or where we're staying #but ever since its just been constant stress and anxiety and hunger #and like. theres nothing i can really do ab any of it bc seeking out something i need means they dont get to do something they want #and i cant take what my sister wants away from her bc she'll throw a fit #mum says the usa will be ab me more but i know it wont be. i know exactly how it'll work #i will not have a chance to rest and be happy until im home and even then i have to find a job as soon as im back #bc i have bills and rent and i only budgetted enough for a month after i get back and that's with barely any groceries #and i get the feeling my roommates mad at me or upset ab something but i don't know how to approach it bc im on the other side of the world #and idk i feel like its me i feel like i did something wront #im just tired and sad and hungry all the time #but that's just. kinda my life innit #i just wish. people weren't upset with me all the time. i try so hard not to upset people but nothing i do ever seems good enough #i just want to be good enough. but i know im not.

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esyra · 7 months

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After the hospital bombing, I finally heard back from my grandmother and confirmed that several of my relatives were murdered by Israeli bombing. Seven of them, to be precise. Three are still going, including her. We've been talking constantly ever since.

Asked if it was possible to head south, and was told they did but were also bombed there. So they decided to go back home, in Zeitoun. Their home was bombed and they were pulled out of the rumble, then driven by ambulances to the al-Ahli Arab Hospital. There were people in every corner. Gazans sheltering, sleeping on the floor. Gazans dying on the floor, waiting for beds.

Four were declared dead on arrival, three were in need of surgery and other three were just bandaged. Then, a bomb was dropped in the parking lot that made parts of the ceiling collapse, like Dr. Ghassan Abu Sittah reported in that horrific conference/interview. Those in need of surgery died.

By the way, just in case you didn't know: the Church of Saint Porphyrius, the third oldest in history, bombed by Israel a few days back, was located near the hospital.

When looking for new shelter, they saw schools with signs hanging outside, "We can't take any more families." They met families, sympathetic but already sheltering too many people. They're now staying in an apartment building they found empty. Sleeping in the corner of the living room. If the family comes back, they'll apologize and leave.

Told me she was saving her phone battery for when the bombing stopped, and she had to ask for help to rebuilt the neighborhood. But she doesn't think it's gonna stop anymore. The ones still with her are mute most of the time, like they're saving energy, but she feels lonely and wanted to talk. There's no internet and to connect to WhatsApp, people are buying "a card from the supermarket, there's a password and username." Not sure what she meant. Still, the internet is inconsistent and won't load neither videos or images nor pages, so she doesn't know what's happening on the outside world.

Told her there were a lot of people protesting to stop the genocide, she replied, "The bombings are getting worse by the day." The bombing yesterday was the worst she ever witnessed. The entire neighborhood is infested with the smell of death, of decomposing bodies. Bodies are piling up in the streets and she's not sure if it's because they ran out of places to store them, but most of them are in bags. The smoke of the bombings hide the blue sky—she hasn't seen the clouds for a while.

Asked if I could share their pictures, names and dreams with people and was told, of which I partly agree, "they're not entertainment." If anyone genuinely cared, they would be alive—I'd argue there are people who do care, but I'm not gonna lecture her pain. And they don't deserve to be used to fulfill someone's sick fantasy. Told me to remember what some Israelis do with pictures of dead Palestinians. And I do.

For those of you who are not familiar, many times before settlers got together to celebrate the murder of Palestinians. For one, in 2015, Israeli settlers set a house in Duma, West Bank on fire. An 18-month old baby, Ali Dawbsheh, was burnt alive. Both parents later died of wounds and only a 5-year-old, Ahmad, survived, although severely injured.

Two celebrations of their murder are widely known, one at a wedding and others outside the court in which two were indicted for the terrorist attack. In the wedding, guests stabbed a photo of the toddler, Ali, while others waved guns, knives and Molotov cocktails. Israel's Minister of National Security, Itamar Ben-Gvir, was present.

That's what happens in an apartheid. Palestinians are so abused by authorities that their "innocent civilians" come to accept the brutality as necessary or are desensitized by our suffering. After all, it's been 75 years—get used to it!

So I won't risk the image of my loved ones, in fear they are used in these kinds of depravity. I will say, though, the world lost a young footballer. Lost a female writer and an aspiring ballerina. Lost a kind father, who was also a great cook, and a loving mother that enjoyed sewing and other types of handicraft art. Lost a math teacher and a child that wanted to become one.

People think Israel is testing new weapons on them. There's civilians arriving at the hospital with severe burns, which they thought was from white phosphorus, but apparently the pattern is different from the one caused by white phosphorus. It's widely believed Israel tests weapons in Palestinians.

Jeff Halper, author of War Against the People, a book on Israel's arms and surveillance technology industries, said: "Israel has kept the occupation because it's a laboratory for weapons."

They've ran out of drinkable water and the "aid" Biden sent was only for the South of Gaza and no fuel, for hospitals, was allowed in. Many shelves in the supermarket are empty. She said many are convinced that if they don't die from the bombing, they'll die from starvation or dehydration, or whatever disease will develop from the dirty water they're drinking.

Told me all people do now is pray, cry and die. Told me she hopes West Bank is spared. Told her Israel bombed a mosque in West Bank and dozens of Palestinians in West Bank are being murdered by settlers, so she bided me goodbye.

#palestine #free palestine #gaza #free gaza #may allah protect them #may almighty allah see our pain #hopefully she'll message me tomorrow

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copperbadge · 3 months

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AI Scraping Isn't Just Art And Fanfic

Something I haven't really seen mentioned and I think people may want to bear in mind is that while artists are the most heavily impacted by AI visual medium scraping, it's not like the machine knows or cares to differentiate between original art and a photograph of your child.

AI visual media scrapers take everything, and that includes screengrabs, photographs, and memes. Selfies, pictures of your pets and children, pictures of your home, screengrabs of images posted to other sites -- all of the comic book imagery I've posted that I screengrabbed from digital comics, images of tweets (including the icons of peoples' faces in those tweets) and instas and screengrabs from tiktoks. I've posted x-ray images of my teeth. All of that will go into the machine.

That's why, at least I think, Midjourney wants Tumblr -- after Instagram we are potentially the most image-heavy social media site, and like Instagram we tag our content, which is metadata that the scraper can use.

So even if you aren't an artist, unless you want to Glaze every image of any kind that you post, you probably want to opt out of being scraped. I'm gonna go ahead and say we've probably already been scraped anyway, so I don't think there's a ton of point in taking down your tumblr or locking down specific images, but I mean...especially if it's stuff like pictures of children or say, a fundraising photo that involves your medical data, it maybe can't hurt.

If you do want to officially opt out, which may help if there's a class-action lawsuit later, you're going to want to go to the gear in the upper-right corner on the Tumblr desktop site, select each of your blogs from the list on the right-hand side, and scroll down to "Visibility". Select "Prevent third party sharing for [username]" to flip that bad boy on.

Per notes: for the app, go to your blog (the part of the app that shows what you post) and hit the gear in the upper right, then select "visibility" and it will be the last option. If you have not updated your app, it will not appear (confirmed by me, who cannot see it on my elderly version of the app).

You don't need to do it on both desktop and mobile -- either one will opt you out -- but on the app you may need to load each of your sideblogs in turn and then go back into the gear and opt out for that blog, like how you have to go into the settings for each sideblog on desktop and do it.

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rafeandonlyrafe · 14 days

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girls night

words: 1.4k

warnings: 18+ only, smut, teasing, p in v sex, semi public sex, a bit of exhibitionism, unprotected sex, clingy!rafe, established relationship

“so the girls are coming over-”

“mhm…”

“so if you want to watch a movie upstairs, or maybe see if top can hang out?” you suggest, rocking back and forth on your heels.

“hm, no.” rafe shakes his head, keeping his ass planted in the middle of the couch.

“no? it's just that we're gonna watch like a romcom and drink wine and gossip-”

“i can do all that too.” rafe shrugs.

“but do you really want to?” you question.

“no, but i don't want to be away from you. so you'll just have to put up with me.” rafe reaches his hand out, pulling you onto his lap.

“how long until they get here?” he questions, one hand wrapping around your waist, tugging you into his chest while his other hand ventures to your ass, gripping it over your pajama shorts.

it takes you a moment to remember what rafe asked you. “hayley will probably be here in like ten minutes.”

“enough time to make out.” rafe smirks at you before connecting your lips. the minutes pass by as he holds you tight against him, mouth dominating yours until you're suddenly interrupted by the doorbell sounding out.

“shit.” you whine, legs a bit shaky and weak as you stand, rushing to let hayley in who also brought your two other friends steph and tina.

“hi girlies!” you hug each of them before moving deeper into the house. “i hope you don't mind rafey joining us.”

“no problem.” hayley shrugs. she knows the most how clingy rafe can be, and how much you love it.

“pick a movie.” you toss the remote at tina. “ill get the wine!”

you bring back glasses and two bottles under your arms, one red and one white. you pour yourself some before looking to rafe.

“ill share with you.” he smiles, not a huge fan of wine himself, so if he's going to drink it, it's going to be from the same glass as you.

“okay, i know we've all seen it before but ive really been wanting to rewatch 10 things i hate about you.” tina says as she hits play on the movie.

“oh, yes!” you squeal, sitting down next to rafe. tina is on the farthest cushion of the spot away from you while hayley and steph have taken up the armchairs.

you lean into rafe, only occasionally reaching forward to sip your wine.

you're watching the movie when rafe ducks his head, pressing light kisses to the shell of your ear before moving lower, kissing along your jawline and neck.

“rafe…” you whisper, hand moving to grip his thigh as he pays extra attention to the spot he knows you're sensitive at.

“want you so bad.” rafe whispers, not stopping the kisses despite your hand tightening it's grip on his leg.

“and i want to enjoy girls night.” you turn to rafe so your friends don't pick up on wait your saying. “after. you know i want you to, but not when we have guests over.”

“fine, ill stop.” rafe huffs, leaning back against the couch, pulling you further into him to make up for not kissing you.

rafes focus shifts to the movie to distract him, his hand randomly petting over different parts of your body until another idea sparks in his head.

his hand drifts further up, thumb swiping over the bottom of your breast, keeping his movements slow and casual like they're not calculated as he moves up until he's cupping your chest, thumb swiping directly over your nipple.

your eyes closed the second rafe touched your breast, concentrating on not moaning out and turning the groups attention towards you.

hayley lets out a laugh at a scene and it has you jolting back to reality. you grab rafes hand and lower it back to your waist.

“come on.” rafe growls in your ear.

you ignore him as something in the movie reminds steph of an ex boyfriend as she launches into a rant about him, the same one you've all heard a million times, yet you're still happy to hear again, to make the same comments about how much of a dick he is.

rafe leans forward, slipping his arm from around you as he grabs a blanket from the basket you pulled to the center of the room for the girls.

“anyone else cold?”

tina raises her hand so rafe tosses a fluffy blanket in her direction before draping a bigger one over both of your laps, covering you up to the waist.

“i know what you're doing.” you whisper, turning to rafe and pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw.

“and do you want me to stop?” rafe asks. he already knows the answer to the question. as much as you feign not wanting to do anything until your friends leave, you find rafe just as irresistible.

it's why you don't really fight it when rafes hand disappears underneath the blanket. you even spread your legs for him, allowing his hand to cup your pussy over the cover of your shorts and underwear.

“you want to kill me.” you whisper-hiss into rafes ear, subtly covering your mouth in case you let any sounds slip.

“just can't resist that pussy, baby.” rafe presses kisses into your hair as you attempt to focus on the movie, rafes hand staying mysteriously still.

you become impatient, waiting for the inevitable, so you reach over, placing your hand on rafes thigh, slowly moving it upwards, teasing him by swiping your hand back down whenever you get close to his crotch.

rafe moves suddenly, standing up and letting the blanket fall away as he scoops you into his arms. “be right back, ladies.”

he rushes out of the room, not leaving you any other option as he presses you against his body.

“oh my god, rafe!” you squeal as he pushes you into the nearest private room, which happens to be your guest bathroom.

“i need you right now, fuck.” rafe tugs your pajamas down, revealing that you're only wearing a small thong.

“you could wait another like half hour? the movie was almost done!” you allow rafe to press your front into the wall, bending forward to stick your ass out.

“nope.” rafe opens up his shorts to pull his cock out, already hard from your teasing.

“ridiculous.” you roll your eyes, but its accompanied with a giggle. you love how rafe can never get enough of you, how his love and borderline obsession is clear to everyone.

“says the one dripping for my cock.” rafe chuckles, swiping the head of his cock through your folds before pressing against your entrance, pushing in with one quick motion.

“oh fuck!” you squeal before covering your mouth, remembering your friends aren't too far away, although they definitely know what's going on, you don't need them to hear it as well.

“god, you feel so good and warm.” rafe moans, immediately beginning to thrust, not wanting to take you away from your girls night for too long.

his hand wraps around your front, reaching down to rub at your clit while his other hand holds your hips steady, the slapping sound of your skin meeting together echoing around the bathroom walls.

“you're mine.” rafe huffs out, as if you need reminding.

his thrusts become wilder as the minutes pass by of him pressing into your cunt until you lose yourself to the high that rushes over your body.

rafe has to grab your hips to keep you upright as your pussy clenches around him, only a few more thrusts before rafe is spilling into you with a moan of your name.

“shit, i already want you again.” rafe laughs, pressing you into the wall as his cock finishes pulsing inside of you, needing to make sure hes filled you up as much as possible before he pulls your underwear and shorts back up.

“rafe, im gonna leak all over the couch-” you complain before he interrupts you.

“oh well.” the devious smile on his face tells all.

you pout as he gets redressed, opening the door like nothing at all happened.

“come on.” rafe holds his hand out to you, proudly walking you back into the living room.

“well, i can’t blame you for keeping rafe around all the time.” tina giggles as you retake your place on the couch, your face bright red.

“its me who needs her around all the time.” rafe smiles, pressing a kiss to the side of your head while you pull the blanket up over your face in embarrassment.

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