Flashback | PSYCHOBREAK 17
Writer: Akira (日日日)
Characters: Koga, Adonis
Rei: (How about it? Art thou watching, o’ shallow and witless wrongdoer?)
(And what of thee, o’ pitiful, adolescent Sakuma Rei of days past, who harbored no hope in thy heart?)
(—Are ye not envious? ♪)
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Rei: In real life, not a single one of the delinquents appeared for our confrontation. Hence, that Dream Festival was a walkover victory for us, UNDEAD.
However, within that realm of dreams, I espied one of the delinquents who should not have been present.
I was certain that individual was the perpetrator. After all, within the dream, we are bound to our former selves.
Ergo, to intercede in the past and distort the course of history, one must be present at the scene.
The culprit, sensing our return to the dream, grew apprehensive regarding our intentions and thus came to check on us. It was then that I was able to track him down and detain him.
Rei: That is why I refrained from taking the stage: I remained amidst the audience to seek out the perpetrator. ‘Twas not merely because I did not wish to perform. Really, it’s true.
Koga: Even in real life, ya still never got up on stage.
Kaoru: Honestly. Isn’t it, like, kinda crazy to miss your own once-in-a-lifetime debut match? You sure had some nerve scolding me for being a slacker, huh?
Adonis: Agreed. I also thought that was strange. I was very anxious and frightened at the time, and even resented Sakuma-senpai a little for not showing up.
Rei: Huh? Does it not seem these little bouts of excessive criticism have been occurring with alarming frequency of late!?
Rei: A-at any rate, once we ascertained the suspect’s identity, the rest was easy. We needed only to return to reality to apprehend him.
And apprehend him we did. Hence HELLSING, bereft of their puppeteer, ceased operation. Thus do we arrive at our current circumstances.
Adonis: In short, the culprit has been neutralized and the case is solved.
Koga: That’s great and all, but now what? I mean, what’re we actually gonna do about the current situation?
Ya realize we’re in the middle of a live performance right now!? The culprit’s infuriatin’, and it’s natural to thwart his schemes – but it’s a serious problem if HELLSING just stops all of a sudden!
The fans gathered at this venue – no, ones from all over the country – have been lookin’ forward to seein’ us on stage!
We can’t just bail halfway through cause we had a little trouble!
Rei: Kukuku. At times, thou art surprisingly noble and sharp-witted, yet conversely, there are moments when thou art astonishingly obtuse and foolish.
Koga: Haah!?
Rei: Take a good look at us.
Koga: Those are… HELLSING’s uniforms?
Rei: Indeed. Let us serve as substitutes for HELLSING. Perchance it may seem a trifle confusing to act as substitutes for our substitutes, but…
The existence of the imposters is largely unknown. To the public eye, HELLSING is naught but an alternate guise for UNDEAD.
So let us make that perception a reality. My genuine self, alongside the genuine Kaoru-kun, Koga, and Adonis-kun – the four of us shall act as HELLSING.
Koga: …Seems we've got no choice, but can ya even pull it off? Huh, ya spineless senpai who’ve been doin’ nothin’ other than appearin’ on variety shows?
Kaoru: Oh? Looking down on us, are you? Variety shows are pretty tough, y’know~? While it’s not directly related to performing on stage, participating in them has definitely made us more experienced.
If anything, given there was already a difference in ability between us — the two main attractions — and you two kouhai, this might’ve widened the gap even further, right~?
So more like, you guys had better not hold us back, ‘kay? ♪
Koga: Hah!? Bring it on, Playboy! Unlike you, Mr. Slacker, I practice like mad every single day!
Koga: Just watch! I’m gonna make ya go, “Oh nyooo¹, we can’t beat Koga-sama and Adonis-sama no matter how hard we try!”
Rock'n'roll……!
“♪〜♪〜♪”
Rei: Kukuku. My, thou art certainly skilled at kindling a flame within Koga, Kaoru-kun.
Kaoru: I’m just imitating you, though~?
Adonis: Haha. I’m glad. We’re finally starting to behave like our usual selves again.
With us like this, we can handle anything.
That’s what I believe. And I’ll devote everything to that belief.
With all my heart and soul, I’ll offer the bounty of song and dance to everyone. That’s what I can do; that’s my joy and happiness.
Whether it’s those “vampires” or whoever else, I won’t let anyone take this irreplaceable place away from me!
“♪〜♪〜♪”
Kaoru: Ohh, even Adonis-kun’s getting all fired up~ That’s pretty rare. ♪
Rei: On the contrary, that child hath ever been of the quietly passionate sort.
Now then. ‘Twould be most vexing to allow our kouhai to garner all the attention, hence we’d best exert ourselves to the fullest as well.
Kaoru: ‘Kay ‘kay~ Don’t push yourself too hard and hurt your back, okay gramps? ♪
To be honest, that criminal’s actually got me pretty pissed off too, so I guess I’ll let off some steam by going all out on the singing and dancing.
I’ll make him realize that replacing us is impossible.
Kaoru: That's why, today, I’m gonna show you what I'm really made of.
“♪〜♪〜♪”
Rei: (Kukuku. Well done, well done. There were moments when I worried how things might unfold, yet ultimately, matters seem to be resolving quite satisfactorily, as always.)
(All’s right with the world. ‘Tis a happy ending².)
(Ah, how dazzling… Such is ever the nature of the stage. So radiant, it feels as though its light shall consume you.)
(I haven’t the right to mock the perpetrator of this particular case. There was a time when I averted my gaze and turned away from this light.)
Rei: (Now, however… I have no intention of ever doing so again.)
(Let me bask in this radiance. Even if I were to be reduced to ashes, I would be content.)
(How about it? Art thou watching, o’ shallow and witless wrongdoer?)
(And what of thee, o’ pitiful, adolescent Sakuma Rei of days past, who harbored no hope in thy heart?)
(—Are ye not envious? ♪)
“♪〜♪〜♪”
“Come, ladies and gentlemen! Join us in revelry tonight! By absorbing the heart and soul of the entity known as HELLSING, we, UNDEAD, shall grow ever stronger!”
“We are UNDEAD!”
“Even if we were to be assailed by a million formidable foes, even if we were to be consumed by the flames of hell, UNDEAD shall always be reborn! Resurrected!”
“Until thine life be spent— Nay, eternally, even in the depths of hell! Let us continue our delightful banquet together!”
“So long as thy desire does not wane, this radically and immorally sweet night shall never end!”
Rei: “♪〜♪〜♪”
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“Pien” in the original text. Went with “oh nyo” over straight up just “🥺” because “oh nyo” is actually pronounceable.
What Rei actually says here is medetashi, medetashi, lit. just happy/auspicious repeated twice. Traditionally this phrase is used to end fairytales, carrying much the same connotations as “happily ever after” in ENG.
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