#we aren’t responsible for absolving your white guilt
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Wei Wuxian’s Actions and Morality:
I am kind of confused on some parts, and i would really appreciate it if someone is willing to discuss it with me. It’s regarding Wei Wuxian, and his exact involvement in the events at the Accident at Qiongqi Path and Bloodbath of Nightless City.
Now, at the accident at Quiongqi path, Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning were just going to Koi tower for the full month celebration to which they had been invited to. Jin Zixun ambushes and threatens to kill him if he doesn’t remove the hundred hole curse. Wei wuxian tries to explain that he didn’t cast the curse and isn’t guilty (admittedly he could have done it in a better way). Jin zixun doesn’t believe him and continues to threaten him. Jin Zixuan appears, tries to diffuse the tension, but still insists that wei wuxian comes along to answer the accusations. Wei wuxian doesn’t believe him (he isn’t wrong to. Guys show up with a whole gang, accuse him of something he didn’t do, and then ask him willingly to come along to “resolve” the issue, though they had spent the past year slandering him and wanting to murder the people he is trying to protect. Just getting into his perspective of things.) Wei wuxian gets angry and accuses Jin zixuan of being on the whole thing, and is agitated and afraid. Which is when he loses control of the resentful energy, which extends to his control of wen ning, and that’s how wen ning, not currently being in control of his body, punches a hole into Jin Zixuan and kills him. Now, automatically, I am going to absolve Wen Ning of any guilt. He is literally NOT in control of his own body. He did that due to the Wei wuxian controlling him with resentful energy. But Wei wuxian also isn’t completely guilty. He was upset, confused, and to some extent scared. But not even subconsciously was he planning or intending to kill Jin zixuan. He lost control over the resentful energy. He put wen ning is a specific state, and then lost control over him, due to not being able to regulate his own emotions during the whole chaos. An accident. An accident that led to someone innocent being killed, but an accident none the less.
Now, I expect different peoples take on this is going to deviate somewhat and that’s fine. I am cool with it. In my opinion, he isn’t completely guilty, but is still responsible. He did not have the intention to kill Jin zixuan, but he DID kill him. It was because of the resentful energy that he was still learning about and how to control it. But if you are going to use a knife after everyone telling you it’s dangerous – although they are doing it just because they don’t want you to have the knife, they want themselves having the knife, while at the same time threating to kill your friends, so you don’t exactly have a choice, but use a freaking knife to, you know, NOT DIE – when you accidently stab someone, it’s still somewhat on you. Lan Zhan had warned him that it could end up badly if he did loose control over the resentful energy and wen ning, and wei wuxian dismissed it. But it was still something he was experimenting with and researching, and hadn’t completely figured out. So it’s not like he didn’t care or was dismissing that it was a bad thing, just that he genuinely didn’t think it would happen. He has been controlling it so far, and everything has been fine, and since he doesn’t exactly have any other options, he will have to continue using it, despite the arguments on the dangers of it.
Now, the bloodbath at Nightless City. Wei wuxian already knows at this point that wen ning and wen qing are dead, and he heads there to atleast collect their ashes and bring them back. When he arrives at the pledge conference, all the sects attending, all 3000, are collected together, and Jin Guangshan makes his speech. He announced that both wens are dead, and then spreads the ashes, the ones Wei ying had come to collect. Then announces that they were going on next day to kill the rest of wens anyway, along with wei ying, to loud applause from the crowd in attendance. Its only then wei wuxian makes his presence known. Before that, he was just listening on. Jin Guangshan makes some more accusations: at Qiongqi Path wei wuxian killed Lanlingjin sect members, the ones jin zixun brought to ambush him, and that wei ying is the one who made wen ning go in a rampage at koi tower (a lie. While jin zixuan’s death at wen ning – actually wei wuxian’s – was an accident, the rampage at koi tower, as we know for a fact, wasn’t an accident (confirmed by MXTX’s interview.) I am not sure if it was mentioned in the book, but from what I can recall, it was xue yang. I might be wrong, but it was still done on Jin Guangshan’s orders. So the deaths of members of the other sect’s members, Lan and Nie, and the others, lie not at wei wuxian’s feet but Jin Guangshan’s. Wei wuxian doesn’t take the accusations silently, and argues back: he was the one who was ambushed, who almost got killed. He has every right to defend himself against the men Jin Zixun brought to attack and kill him. The crowd says he shouldn’t have been so heartless, and in wei wuxian’s own words: no matter what the other sects throw at him, no matter how hard they try to harm and kill him, he is not allowed to touch them, harm their members, defend himself or fight back even if it cost him his life. The sects throw in their final arguments in:
Even if he was fighting back, it doesn’t account for the 130 people who died at koi tower at hands of wen ning.
He shouldn’t defend the wens. They are horrible and evil and guilty and deserve to die.
He is only doing it for his pride, and to prove himself a hero.
He laid the curse on Jin zixun.
Each of them are easily nullified.
Wei wuxian didn’t cause wen’s ning rampage. Jin Guangshan did. The 130 lives are on his own hands, not wei wuxians.
People aren’t guilty by association, especially by family relation. None of the wen remnants have any blood on their hands. They are from wen qing’s branch and are non-combatants, thus they were not involved in any of the Wen Ruhon’s actions. Nor were they involved in at the accident at Qiongqi Path or Koi tower. They are innocent.
The argument about his pride came from their attitude towards him from before his defection. They had admired his powers and were intimated by it, but didn’t like that he belonged to Jiang sect, and wasn’t willing to change his loyalties to belong to them instead. He also dared being defiant and outspoken, and powerful while being a servant’s son, and that’s a crime of it’s own in their eyes. Is wei wuxian’s slightly arrogant? Yes. Is he wrong to be? No, he is very powerful and is aware of what he is capable of. Is that a reason to hate him enough to want to kill him? No! wth
He laid the curse on Jin Zixun. He didn’t. Su she did. Jin Guangshan and Guangyo were aware of that, and still sent zixun to ambush wei ying anyway.
None of their accusation hold any weight to them. Admittedly, we know that because we read the book and these characters aren’t exactly able to do that. The only people here who know about it are Jin Guangshan and Jin Guangyao, who planned the whole thing in the first place. So, I am not going to paint these people as all evil. Some of the sect’s members did die. Some of these people have actually the right to be angry at what happened, though the anger is pointed in the wrong direction.
But the rest of the people are there because of the mob mentality. Because someone is guilty, someone needs to be punished. Here its 50 people and wei ying, one of their own ex members. But because they are not worth the effort, none of it needs to be investigated, to be proven. They have an available party to hold guilty, and it’s far too comfortable for them to put it on their heads rather than find the actually accountable people.
To an extent, it really does seem, by the proofs handfed to them by Jin Guangshan, the wei ying is guilty, That he actually did it. But don’t they owe to the 50 wen members who are about to be slaughtered like cattle, for no other reason than being associated with Wen sect and Wei wuxian, for atleast one of them to look a bit harder, to try a bit harder? I would say so. Wei ying would too. I don’t think the other sects would agree with us, but it’s ancient china society, and modern war ethics and laws aren’t exactly in place to prevent them from doing so.
Back to Wei ying, he gets shot at by a disciple. It actually pierces him, just by luck not in a fatal place but only by a fluke. It was aimed at the heart. The intention to kill was there. He fires the arrow back, kills back the guy who tried to kill him. I don’t know exactly how anyone could hold him completely in the wrong here. We might not like it, but wei ying is not some pure white angel, nor a pacifist by any means. He is a soldier, a fighter, and he is amidst people who are literally moving to kill him by any means, and he just got an almost kill-shot. He has every right to defend himself, fight back, and honestly, kill back anyone who is trying to kill him. Eye for an eye, punch for a punch. It’s ruthlessly fair, despite sounding harsh. Honestly, it is harsh, but it’s not wrong, wither we like it or not.
He calls forth his dead, the battle begins. Lan Wangji tries to get him to stop, but it doesn’t work. There are definite tones of a sort of deliriousness. I am not exactly sure to how severe it was, but it shows he wasn’t exactly in an emotional and mental fit state. It’s definitely obvious when he tries to make his way to Yanli, and is too worked up to control the corpses crowding around, and the one standing behind Jiang Yanli. He is only able to do it when yanli asks him to stop it all so that she could tell him what she had wanted to tell him. He forces himself to calm down, and is only then able to control the corpses. (I am not saying the deliriousness was severe enough to absolve him of any responsibility he does hold in the event; I am merely acknowledging it’s presence.)
Then Jiang Yanli gets killed by the bow guy’s brother, and that when thing’s go from going downhill to just jumping right off the cliff. But unfortunately, MXTXs writing doesn’t exactly let us to be a witness to the scene, so the curtains close, and we are only allowed to make our assumptions on what happened, who/how/how many exactly died.
The point of this bloody essay is to determine the exactly how much of the event was Wei wuxian involved and responsibly for, so I can examine wei wuxian’s morality with all facts present.
If we go according to the book, wei ying:
Used some pretty grotesque methods to kill in the sunshot campaign
Allowed/ made Wen Ning kill his killers at Qiongqi Path
Accidentally killed Jin Zixuan
Kill Jin Zixun and his men after their ambush
Got in a fight on the way to the pledge conference with a group of cultivators: he broke one’s nose, kicked out his teeth, and made another fall and break his legs (not a severe injury according to lan wangji)
Fought in Bloodbath at Nightless city (after they had made the announcement, they were going ahead with the attack on the wen remnants and wen ying)
I am only including actions that me, anyone else (or the character’s) could possibly hold against him and question his morality with.
Here is where my confusion comes in. Now, I made the mistake of reading the novel only after finishing the tv show. As we know, the tv show took some liberties with the plotline and altered a few things. I honestly like a lot of the changes. Usually when tv shows make changes like that, it doesn’t always work out and it kind of depletes the essence of the story, but they actually managed it quite well. But one of the key changes were the plotlines around the Qiongqi Path accident and nightless city.
Divergences in the tv show:
At Qiongqi Path, Su she’s flute is what makes Wen Ning kill Jin Zixuan (+ Jin Zixun) rather than wei wuxian loosing control due to his emotions.
At the bloodbath, Su She playing the flute is what stopped wei wuxian from halting the battle and loose control of the fierce corpses.
(+ by the time of the battle, the wen remnants were already dead, so wei wuxian’s fight becomes more about revenge and grief rather than to protect them)
Basically, they abbreviated a lot of his action to other people. Which I understand, I guess. You are less in the character’s head while watching the tv show rather than when you are reading the book, and for the audience to develop a better and more empathetic relationship with a lead character, liberties needed to be taken to make him more sympathetic.
My debate on his morality, hence, is more focused on the book character rather the tv show (honestly, since even his only 2 serious offences are not even his fault in the show.) but in the book, they kind of are. He did kill Jin Zixuan: accidentally. He had no intention whatsoever of him doing it; not subconsciously or consciously. He was just feeling agitated and angry and viewed Jin Zixuan as a threat, and Wen Ning, who was in his fierce corpse state, interpreted as a need to kill jin Zixuan.
The only way you could put this against him is if you hold him responsible of using such an unstable and dangerous form of cultivation/magic. But he already gave an answer for that, which none of us can argue against: he didn’t have choice. He never did with demonic cultivation.
He started using it in the Burial mounds to survive and make it out.
He used it to seek justice for his sects massacre (go ahead and debate the need for that if you need to. I don’t)
He used it to fight in the Sunshot campaign, and he was a MAJOR force in the campaign, and a enormous contributor to it’s success. Could they still have won if he hadn’t been with them? Maybe, sure. But if there was any risk to loosing them, and wen sect remained undefeated, Jiang chen and yanli and wei wuxian were as good as dead. No way they or the other sects who had raised arms against wen sect would have been allowed to live or survive.
He used it to save Wen Ning and other wen remnants: war prisoners who were undergoing severe abuse and were basically being killed off. For no reason than being wens. Yes, I know it was common in ancient china to kill off the whole family. But it’s not right. Wei wuxian doesn’t think so. And neither do i.
He used it to bring back Wen Ning for Wen qing.
- I don’t know where I read it that he brought him back for protection or as a weapon. He didn’t. He was pissed at what they did to him, and brought him to allow him to tell wei ying who had kill him then allowed him to get his revenge. He than made him sentient because he had promise wen qing & the other wen members that he could bring him back. He promised his sister that he could bring her brother back. That’s why.
He used it to protect burial mounds and the wen remnants: A bunch of non-combatant members that he had grown to love and care about as family. As you can see here:
“ He turned around, knowing that it’d be a long time before he’s get to see the people he was familiar with again.
But…right now, wasn’t he on his way to seeing people he was familiar with as well?”
He used it to fight back during the ambush. He doesn’t have a gold core; He literally cant wield a sword to defend himself. So he uses it to summon corpses to fight against Jin Zixun’s men.
· He uses it to fight in the Bloodbath of Nightless City, after Jin Guangshan announced that they were going ahead with killing the rest of the wens and wei ying, and the attending crowd voiced out their excitement over the prospect.
Second, the bloodbath at nightless city. Yes, it was a very brutal battle with many casualties. But these people were planning to kill him and the wens. They had decided it by the time he spoke up. It was a definite thing that was going to happen.
Now you can argue against the use of violence, and need of it. But while I am very anti-war myself, I still hold to the belief that there are some fights that are worth fighting for, that need to be fought for. The wen remnants were innocent, and no one, NO ONE, had the right to decide they needed to die just because they were wens. They were innocent people. They had not actively killed or participated in the massacre that the main wen sect had conducted, and being blood relations to the actual guilty party is not an indication of being guilty too.
You could also argue the value of 3000 lives against 50. I have seen people do it, and write metas about. But whats the value of 1 life or 10 or 50? How are we supposed to decide who deserve to live more? How is that anyway moral?
Wei wuxian didn’t act to choose one group of lives over the other. He did it to protect himself and the people he cared about, and that meant fighting against anyone who was actively intending to kill and harm them, and was an acting threat. As human being who, like any other being, has the right to defend himself, to protect himself, to survive and be able to live. 3000 people wanting to kill him, and wens doesn’t take away his right to do that. There isn’t a rule that if enough people want you dead and murdered, rightly or not, you should just let them go ahead with it and turn your belly up. That…just doesn’t make sense?
I am in acceptance that he is a grey character, with his flaws and his merits. What I am confused about is exactly how much black and white went into making his grey. Maybe because I watched tv show and read the novel at the about same time, I feel like I am missing something. Did I miss anything? Did he do anything else? Am I wrong? What do other people think? Where do you guys lie on your judgment of wei wuxian as person and on his moral stance?
#wei wuxian#Wei ying#the untamed#mo dao zu shi#wei wuxian meta#wei ying meta#the untamed meta#mo dao zu shi meta#yiling laozu#yiling patriarch
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Hi! Here are some tips for white people to get over white guilt (from a white person). So next time you have White Guilt you can make it your own problem, instead of a person of color’s problem.
Step One- Step Back.
Feeling defensive? Feeling guilty? Feeling terrible? Step back. Don’t comment on a post, don’t reblog with superficial statements that say “as a white person I agree” or “we need to do better white people!” None of your commentary does ANYTHING on a post or article or video discussing racism, other than you trying to absolve yourself of guilt. It’s not productive: put your money where your mouth is and go out and learn, donate, spread awareness, sign petitions etc. By commenting this you are proving that your activism begins and ends with absolving yourself of guilt.
Step Two- Analyze
After you’ve stepped back and deleting your useless and/or offensive commentary, ask yourself why you feel this way. Why is your pride hurt? Why is your ego bruised? And more importantly, why does this matter? We as white people are so used to being at the front of discussions that we get offended when suddenly, we aren’t. Use this as a learning moment- analyze your feelings in this situation, and learn and understand where they come from, why they happen, and how you can be better.
Step Three- Accept that this is how you feel
You aren’t going to stop feeling it, because you’re never going to stop being white. So your goal shouldn’t be to minimize your guilt or suppress it, but to leave it alone and manage it. DO NOT place these feelings on POC. It is NOT their responsibility to babysit you. Understanding that this is a lifelong feeling can help you accept these feelings and get over them. Which leads me to my last step.
Step Four- Set Those Feelings Aside.
This is by far the MOST IMPORTANT STEP. White guilt is a momentary blip of negative emotion, whereas racism is an oppressive system that suppresses, traumatizes and kills POC. Your feelings of guilt and hurt do not matter in fighting racism, they are not productive in fighting racism. Use your guilt to analyze your implicit biases and do not express your feelings of guilt beyond that. Use your voice to amplify and do not derail the conversation.
Resources to Educate Yourself
A Definitive Guide to White Privilege
https://thoughtcatalog.com/anonymous/2013/04/a-definitive-guide-to-white-privilege/
How Can I Cure My White Guilt?
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/14/style/white-guilt-privilege.html
White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo (a study on white fragility itself)
https://libjournal.uncg.edu/ijcp/article/viewFile/249/116
so you want to talk about race By Ijeoma Oluo (this is a link to purchase the book from a black owned business)
https://www.booksandcranniesva.com/book/9781580058827
“Meet Us At Our Table:” the problem with the White Savior complex
https://decolonizingyoga.com/meet-us-at-our-table-the-problems-with-the-white-savior-complex/
Showing Up for Racial Justice
https://www.showingupforracialjustice.org/resources.html
#if anyone is uncomfortable with me as a white person speaking on this tell me and I will delete it#call me out#white ally#white guilt#racism#performative activism#activism#systemetic racism#black lives movement#I’m wary tagging this with activist tags#I don’t want to derail any movements or anything#white privelage#white fragility
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So here’s the thing.
Since I’ve opened up my askbox to people wanting to understand BLM better, I’ve consistently gotten a specific kind of message almost MORE often than any other kind:
‘Hello, I can’t do (insert activism or passive support here). Am I bad?’
I don’t know if most of the people sending me these messages are non-Black or not. I imagine a big pie slice of them are in fact white... So I’m going to answer assuming you’re white.
1) Reward vs. Punishment - Parent Yourself Properly
Now I’ll say this - your anxiety is probably not directly your own fault. Many of us grew up being raised to fear failure. What this means, unfortunately, that we focus on failure way more than growth and success. We focus on it so much, in fact, that we prioritize our own failure and end up inevitably training ourselves to ignore every other avenue and self-punish uselessly instead of seeking alternate routes.
When you are walking down the road and there is a fallen tree in your way, (read: if you cannot do something) the healthy response is not to lay down in the middle of the road and sob. The healthy response is to ask yourself ‘why is this tree here?’ or ‘can I go around the tree somehow?’ or even ‘while waiting for the tree to be removed, can I do an alternate activity like sitting by the tree and taking a break from all that walking?’
Things that will not help you feel better: Badmouthing yourself about not being able to move the tree. Feeling guilty about the tree being there. Etc...
Learn to work with what you have instead of feeling bad about it. Stop expending so much energy to punish yourself. Contrary to popular belief, hitting yourself in the head repeatedly does not make you smarter.
2) Your guilt should not be the focus here.
I know it’s difficult to stomach but the truth is, no matter how guilty you feel, how hard you panic... nothing will change. You will not be helping anyone MORE by spending hours chanting ‘am I a bad ally?’ under your blanket alone in your room. Again, you cannot self-punish yourself into usefulness.
You have to ask yourself - why did you send me a message focused entirely on seeking forgiveness for things I can’t absolve you of? You hyperfocused on something that isn’t directly affecting anyone.
The reality is, plenty of people aren’t doing anything. You aren’t alone. There are people who are sleeping, or who are ill, or who just have other life things going on. The point of the movement is that there are MANY people, and the more that care about the issue the better.
EVERYTHING helps. Educating yourself helps. Just caring and knowing about it helps. Sometimes even liking a post helps. Taking a break also helps! If it’s helping to keep you healthy to be able to care about things another day - fine! That’s perfectly fine.
3) You aren’t getting overtime clout for caring more than 8 hours a day.
I know some people write stuff like ‘if you ignore this/don’t retweet this you’re contributing to (bad thing).’
That is a hyperbole. And yes, it’s a tactic used often to guilt people into action.
The truth of the matter is, your activism isn’t - SHOULDN’T be - affected by its visibility. You shouldn’t care more about what people will think than you should care about the issues themselves. I know it’s hard, I know we all have that stupid ass voice in our heads that makes us care what people think - yes, that’s how we’re wired. We’re social creatures and we want approval from our peers.
But at the end of the day, only YOU can truly know how much you did. If you have a chronic illness and all you managed to do was lay in bed and send good vibes and not look at twitter at all - that’s still just as valid as some instagram model with 10k followers posting photos of herself with a BLM sign.
I will be harsh on one thing though - WHY do I have more of THIS message than I have of ‘hey, i wanna learn about ____’? Why are the majority of us seeking absolution instead of asking what we COULD do?
You cannot change the reality of your situation - and no one will blame you for that! - but you CAN change how you view it and what you do from here on out.
You CAN send me an ask of ‘hey, I cannot interact with media rn because I panic, but do you think there’s anything I can do that won’t trigger my anxiety but will still be helpful?’
You CAN send me an ask of ‘hi, lots of people are making me feel guilty for not participating more - do you know of any chill ways to support BLM that can help me feel involved in a non conflicting way?’
You CAN just quietly forgive yourself for not being super active and go to bed, take a rest, and make a silent promise that no one will know about that someday, when you DO have the energy, when you ARE feeling better, you will participate and support Black people and stand up to racism, and not be complicit.
Don’t ask me people for permission to not hate yourself.
Allow yourself to be ok. Then ask how you can be better.
#chekhov answers#blm#yblm#black lives matter#i am trying to be gentle#but the reality is#this is not about you#and that is ok#it doesnt have to be about you
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Hi! Just wanted to pop in and say how much I adore your fics. The Elia, Rhaenys, and Aegon tags are nearly impossible to get through. 95% of the fics don’t even feature them prominently and of the remaining 5%, either they’re horrible people bullying faultless Lyanna and Jon 😒 or wonderful angels (unlike that awful witch Catelyn Stark 🙄) who exist to be Jon and Lyanna’s cheerleaders and absolve them of any guilt.
Also I wanted to commend you on your Rhaenys and Elia characterization. Especially Rhaenys! I think a trend I sometimes see is that female characters are only allowed to be happy after they’ve rejected any femininity and taken up weapons and become brash and daring and loudly opinionated. And those girls deserve happiness for sure! But it’s so nice to see a Rhaenys who does lean towards soft power. Who isn’t only a horse and weapons and wild sex enthusiast because she happens to be Dornish. Because that kind of characterization doesn’t really ring true to me for someone like Rhaenys who is in the spotlight a lot. Who’s actions and personality are going to reflect on her abandoned mother who lost out on the throne. I’m so glad characters like her and Elia and Rhaella get to be the heroes of a story while still performing femininity (and frankly using that as their weapons).
And I think you handle the Lyanna situation very well. Personally I’m ambivalent towards Jon and am not fond of Lyanna. But I also don’t like overblown animosity that feels cartoonish. There might be negative feelings directed at them by certain characters, but they aren’t acted upon in any uncharacteristic way. Those two feel more like afterthoughts to Elia and Rhaenys. And while I very much lean into the drama of it all (because it’s so rare for Elia to win this much) I can very much appreciate the reality that Elia and Rhaenys aren’t spending every waking moment thinking about Jon and Lyanna. They have lives to lead and it’s pointless keeping a scoreboard of who got what win over the other. There’s no need to compete, but there’s also no need to be friendly and accommodating is the vibe I’m getting from your story and I really love that. (But I also like that negative feelings exist because let them be human and relatable!!!!!)
Sorry for the word vomit 😅 but I really love your writing and it’s one of the only things I look forward to in this fandom anymore tbh. Thank you so much!
this is so sweet oh my goodness and I’m in a crappy mood today because of uni stress so this really made my day thank you for sending me this
I’m glad you find Rhaenys and Rhaella exercising soft power interesting. I think you’ve got the right take on Rhaenys! She is someone who would love to be able to be loud and brash and is quite opinionated (see: her outright telling her father she would marry anyone to get away from him) but in the red keep where her every move is scrutinized she doesn’t have the option to do that. She has a complicated relationship with the way she presents herself which is also heavily tied up in the fact that she is the only visibly non-white member of her family and she faces scorn for obviously being half-Dornish.
I think the whole “I’m not like other girls” vibe of only letting girl characters be cool and better when they dislike girls who behave in “traditionally feminine” ways is just as shitty as painting girls who don’t behave in traditionally feminine ways as “masculine” (and trying to say they have male privilege – like what?). The truth is that even though some traits are ascribed by society to one gender or the other – there aren’t any traits that are more inherent to one gender than the other. And quite frankly in a society like Westeros women are going to have a complicated relationship with their performance of gender regardless of how they perform it.
I also really enjoy women in old stories using the small tools available to them as women to undermine a system that disregards them because it’s fun!
Thank you for saying that my handling of the Jon/Lyanna situation is realistic! I once got accused of bashing - which I don’t want to do so that was a bit of a blow. But I don’t think I’m bashing them to have my characters think negatively of them or disliking them. I did some investigation (mainly by reading r/relationships lmao) into how people feel when their parents break up due to affairs and the common thread I saw was a LOT of pain and resentment and yeah some jealousy and dislike of half siblings who resulted from those new relationships. And that’s in our society where we have stuff like divorce and no one’s starting wars over kidnapped fiancées. Imagine how much more resentment there would be in a situation where not only did your father leave you but that also 1. Put your life in jeopardy 2. Put your inheritance rights in jeopardy 3. You can’t just leave and tell him to fuck himself because in this society the family you have grants you saftey and power. Honestly Rhaegar’s lucky someone hasn’t snapped and stabbed him yet.
You're right to say they aren't accommodating or friendly, saying that Lyanna and Jon are an afterthought is probably right. Rhaenys Rhaella and Elia have approached something like tolerance with Lyanna – they’ll leave her alone if she leaves them alone and that’s the way everyone likes it. In an everyone lived situation I simply don’t think it would be realistic to approach it in any other way. And because Elia and Rhaenys are more on the “winning” side of this I dont think they would spend every waking moment dwelling and brooding on Lyanna.
I think this tendency to have Elia and Rhaenys approve whole-heartedly of Lyanna and Jon is caused by 4 factors
1. The misguided need to have them be good or to “give them agency”. Making a character a flat nobody who doesn’t have any emotions towards a situation that would be dangerous and deeply personally humiliating to them isn’t making them good or giving them agency its making them boring and unrealistic.
2. Not wanting to “pit girls against one another”. Look i hate this trope of 2 girls catfighting over a guy as much as anyone else but I have noticed that sometimes people say “don’t pit women against each other” when....2 girl characters don’t like each other for totally legitimate reasons. Elia doesn’t dislike Lyanna because she loves Rhaegar and Lyanna was a homewrecker who stole him. Elia is understandably angry because the whole realm is destabilized, her children’s lives and futures are in danger, and she’s been nationally humiliated. Let female characters be as complex as the male ones. No one bats an eye that Ned and Jaime despise one another because they’re men and we don’t expect male characters to be beautiful angels who never have a bad thought about anyone.
3. To have them be good to contrast “bitchy” Catelyn. Cat isn’t a bitch and I will die on this hill. If you want to look at who was primarily responsible for the whole Jon situation Rhaegar and Ned are right there.
4. Being unable to conceptualize non-white characters as having motivations (and negative emotions) that are either directed towards or separate from a (usually white) fandom fav character like Lyanna or Jon.
#ladies rebellion verse#Anonymous#asks#also i find it funny that the fandom has seized on horse riding as being proof that a girl is special and cool and nota dumb girly girtl#when horse riding was one of the common forms of exercise noblewomen took part in
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The Throne, the Coal, and the Voice
A homily on Isaiah 6:1-8, Psalm 29,
Romans 8:12-17, and John 3:1-17,
preached at Trinity Cathedral, Pittsburgh,
on Trinity Sunday 2021
“In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the LORD sitting on a throne, high and lofty; and the hem of his robe filled the temple.”
May I speak to you in the Name of God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
In the eighth century BC, in ancient Israel, in the kingdom of Judah, there was a king whose actions became a warning to subsequent generations to tremble with fear and awe in the presence of God.
The king’s name was Uzziah, and at first — like so many new rulers who take the reins of power aware of their deep need for wise counsel and due caution for their awesome task — Uzziah was humble. But, as Israel’s Chronicler records, “when he had become strong he grew proud, to his destruction” (2 Chronicles 26:16).
Contrary to the law of Moses, King Uzziah bypassed the priests and approached the incense altar in the temple to bear the censer himself. The priests objected and tried to intervene, but Uzziah forged ahead anyway. He scoffed at the priests who stood in his way, and just at that moment a skin disease broke out on his forehead, right there in front of the altar. Then the Chronicler tells us: “When the chief priest Azariah, and all the priests, looked at [Uzziah], he was leprous in his forehead. They hurried him out, and he himself hurried to get out, because the LORD had struck him” (26:20). And he remained so struck until the day he died.
Like every other story, no matter how seemingly bizarre, in the Old Testament, this is ultimately a story about God — about the sheer mysterious otherness of God. The God we meet in this story of King Uzziah’s folly is a God of power and glory who will not be approached flippantly or arrogantly: “he [scatters] the proud in the thoughts of their hearts. He [brings] down the powerful from their thrones” (Luke 1:51-2). This God is holy — He is “set apart,” lofty and exalted, morally pure (whose “eyes are too pure to behold evil,” as one of Israel’s prophets says [Habakkuk 1:13]), resplendent and radiant with eternal life and light: in a word, transcendent. As the book of Hebrews in the New Testament tells us, “indeed our God is a consuming fire” (12:29).
In the year that the proud and reckless King Uzziah died, with the skin disease he received in the temple still spread across his forehead, one of Israel’s greatest prophets received a vision of this fiery, holy, transcendent God. Isaiah the prophet says: “In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the LORD sitting on a throne, high and lofty; and the hem of his robe filled the temple.”
In the year that yet one more brash and arrogant human ruler passed away, his pride being no help at all against the inevitable forces of decay and death, Isaiah sees the God who remains unrivaled, sovereign, majestic, unchanging, impervious to the fleeting schemes of would-be usurpers.
No one can see this God and live, the Bible says, and yet somehow Isaiah is granted a vision of the LORD. He sees into the inner court of the heavenly temple: “I saw the LORD sitting on a throne, high and lofty; and the hem of his robe filled the temple.” And he sees fiery angelic creatures attending God’s throne: “Seraphs were in attendance above him; each had six wings: with two they covered their faces, and with two they covered their feet, and with two they flew.” And Isaiah hears their voices calling out to each other like the pulsing of an earthquake:
“Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts;
the whole earth is full of his glory.”
This chorus is so thunderous that Isaiah adds, “The pivots on the thresholds shook at the voices of those who called, and the house filled with smoke.”
And just like so many other characters in the pages of the Bible who encounter God’s searing holiness, Isaiah’s first response to this heavenly vision is to be instantly aware of how unworthy he is — more than that, how doomed he is because of his impurity, his complicity in the evil of his nation. “Woe is me!” he cries. “I am lost, for I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips; yet my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!” It is not only King Uzziah who is guilty before God: it is Isaiah, and it is all the people of Judah — it is, in fact, all the world, including you and me. As we think of God’s radiant, fiery holiness, aren’t we instantly confronted with the wreckage of our lives? Aren’t we like Peter when he came face to face with Jesus’ divine power and said, “Go away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!” (Luke 5:9)?
“Woe is me!” If we were dealing with any other god, that would be the end of the story. Isaiah sees into the inner sanctum of God’s holy, fiery throne room, and he is undone by it. We are undone by it. But — contrary to all just deserts and all expected outcomes — that is not the end of this story.
Isaiah says that after he protested his unworthiness, “one of the seraphs flew to me, holding a live coal that had been taken from the altar with a pair of tongs. The seraph touched my mouth with it and said: ‘Now that this has touched your lips, your guilt has departed and your sin is blotted out.’”
Rather than being obliterated by the blazing holiness of God’s life, Isaiah is touched and made pure by it himself, made to share in God’s radiant purity, with fire from the divine altar. The white heat of God’s holiness does not destroy Isaiah but delivers him instead. The coal taken from God’s presence does not consume Isaiah but cleanses him. The sacred fire that touches Isaiah’s lips does not abandon him in his guilt and sin but absolves him — sets him free to live and speak in trust and hope.
Alexander Pushkin, the celebrated nineteenth-century Russian poet, once wrote a poem about this scene from Isaiah, and he pictures the coal not only touching Isaiah’s lips but reaching into his innermost self:
[God] split my chest with a blade,
Wrenched my heart from its hiding,
And into the open wound
Pressed a flaming coal. (Ted Hughes trans.)
This heart surgery, where the poet sees the winged seraph invading Isaiah’s life with the burning coal of God’s presence, is what the prophet Ezekiel foresaw when he prophesied: “A new heart I will give you [the LORD says to Israel], and a new spirit I will put within you; and I will remove from your body your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. I will put my spirit within you” (Ezekiel 36:26-27). The flaming coal that Pushkin sees pressed into Isaiah’s heart is nothing other than what John the Baptist foresaw when he said about Jesus, “He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire” (Matthew 3:11). The LORD who is lofty and exalted, who inhabits eternity, draws near to us who are lost, ruined, guilty, mortal. He touches us, cleanses us, forgives us, burns away our sin, and makes our hearts aflame with life and love by the fiery presence of His Spirit, the One Whom we name in the Creed as “the Lord, the giver of life.”
After the coal has touched his lips, Isaiah says, “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I; send me!’” Isaiah is not only touched to the depth of his being by God’s cleansing fire; he also hears God speak. He hears God’s voice. And as the rest of his prophecy makes clear, that divine voice conveyed to him God’s Word for the people of God. God speaks and sends Isaiah as His prophet to deliver His Word to us who cannot live without it. “The voice of the LORD is a powerful voice; the voice of the LORD is a voice of splendor” (Psalm 29:4).
This Word that God gives to Isaiah to speak to the people of Judah is the same powerful Word by which God brought the universe into being. It is the same Word that was with God in the beginning, the Word Who was God. It is the same Word Who became flesh and lived among us, full of grace and truth. It is the same Word Who said, “The Father has sent me… God sent his Son into the world… that through him the world might be saved” (John 20:21; 3:17, NEB). That Word is the human being Jesus, God in human flesh, God’s voice for us, God’s self-communication, God’s ultimate self-revealing. And what He says to us is, “I absolve you. Your sins are forgiven. Peace be with you. Behold, I make all things new. Believe in Me.”
According to the writer of the Fourth Gospel, what Isaiah saw when he saw the LORD of Israel high on His throne, reaching out to sinful humanity with His cleansing fire, speaking to sinful humanity with His judging and saving Word — what Isaiah saw was none other than the glory of the God we know and worship and call out to as the Father, “the maker of heaven of earth,” who sent His eternal Word, Jesus Christ, His only Son our Lord, to reconcile us to Himself, and the Holy Spirit, who pours God’s love into our hearts and by Whom we cry out, “Abba! Father!”: “Isaiah said [what he said] because he saw [Jesus’] glory and spoke about him” (8:41).
To Him, therefore, with the Father and the Spirit, one God in three Persons, be ascribed, as is most justly due, all might, dominion, majesty, and power, now and forever. Amen.
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The tendency in fandom to take every white girl with short hair, regardless of the status of their canonical interest or lack of interest in women and explicit interest and/or sexual history with everything but, proclaim them a lesbian queen, and then ignore or absolve them of every single horrific act they take in fiction because of this. Is not doing feminism. Women. Lesbians. Or anyone. Any favors. It’s just bad.
Somehow. Some people really do apparently need to hear that...being any specific sexuality...is not a personality trait.
And also. Women aren’t inherantly less vile than men (or anyone non-binary, agender, fluid, etc, else), and whatever bad deeds they do should be judged based on just that—on the deeds, and their context. Not their sexuality, imagined sexuality, or their gender. Becuase none of those things effect whether committing murder is bad. At all. Not even a little. And none of them. Is even a personality trait. Affecting the character’s value as a person.
It’s cool, and good, to see characters with minority identities. And it’s real nice. When it’s whatever you are. But them being whatever. Is not a personality trait. Just a fact. And sometimes. People of any type. Are not good. Pretending any minority status—gender, sexuality, race, disability, neurotype, etc—is a get out of jail free card? Is not. Doing them. Or anyone. Any favors. Personality disorder. Doesn’t make you bad. Also doesn’t make you good. Your actions do. Acting like Amy from Gone Girl did nothing wrong when she date rapes her boyfriend & then frames him for doing that to her & ruins his life, then blackmails her husband who is terrified of being murdered by her into staying with her for the sake of the child she made at a fertility clinic with his sperm without his consent, bc she’s a woman. Isn’t good. Men aren’t more deserving of violence than women. Neither is anyone else. Jane. Left an infant child in an unheated car in subzero weather in a snow storm with zombies around that easily would hear it cry and go eat it. So she could lie and say she already let zombies eat it to bait a man with easily triggerable PTSD who had just lost his family to zombies for the second time into starting a fight. Because he was injured, unarmed, weak, down an eye, and 50, while she was fit, mid 20s, healthy, and armed with a hunting knife. Because she wanted an excuse to kill him without looking bad, because she wanted the 11 year old girl she was co-parenting with him, all to herself. And her immediately responding to the dude throwing a punch by stabbing him in the stomach to escalate the fight from brawl to life or death, then losing her knife, and instead of telling him the baby was alive & she’d made it up to start a fight which could have at any point ended the fight, begging the 11 year old child to gun down her oldest surviving friend with her own hands in cold blood so that she’d get what she wanted? Is evil. As is crying on the 11 year old and using pity as a weapon to get her to stay with her if she gets mad and wants to leave when she realizes Jane staged the whole thing for an excuse to murder, and so is after realizing like a month later that she is pregnant, committing suicide, and leaving the 11 year old that she just manipulated into killing her oldest surviving friend/completely isolated on purpose so she could have her to herself, totally alone in the apocalypse to care for an infant. Jennifer’s Body? Is a fantastic film. And Jennifer didn’t deserve any of what happened to her. But not one single boy she kills during the course of that film deserved it—and explicitly so. Even the guy who could easily have been a meathead jock bully is outside alone crying becuase his best friend just died and he loved him before she decides to lure him off and eat him alive. And acting like it’s totally fine & Needy should have just let her keep eating boys instead of killing her? Is fucked up. None of them deserved to die. And no one deserves death innately more because they are or are not something that is just a factual designator of their makeup as a human. The exchange student was scared and alone and nice, the catholic kid was sweet and Needy’s friend, Chip is a bad boyfriend but he meant well and being stupid doesn’t mean you deserve to die. And this girl ate them alive. That’s not funny. Or cool. Or fine becuase they were dudes. Gertrude Robinson? Chose again and again to betray people who loved her, or trusted her—sold out victims of awful trauma to their worst nightmares. Killed friends in the worst possible ways, like it was nothing. Michael loved her, and trusted her, and tried to care for her, and she without faltering fed him to his worst nightmare and forced him to become it. There is nothing excusable about that action.
Jude Perry? Has 0 redeeming features. Didn’t even stay faithful to her poor gf & was creepy obsessed w Agnes. Literally murdered her co-worker friend just because he was happy, and she wanted to destroy things: that’s it. She didn’t even dislike him. Murdered him because he had a wife and kid and house and it seemed fun, then burned down his house, took his wife’s money, and now checks in on his kid every so often in case he ever recovers from the trauma she inflicted enough to be fun to kill. There is literally nothing good about this woman. Yes. I mean that. Because being a lesbian? Is just a thing. There is no g/b tag, there is no tag at all. Amanda Young? Got kidnapped and tortured and forced to choose between killing a man who couldn’t resist but was conscious to watch her, and letting herself die, and she killed him. Then, instead of responding to that trauma with guilt or responsibility or anger at her captor, joined up with him and started helping him kidnap people just like her. She was not forced, she was not lied to. It does not matter if John was manipulative; she is a grown ass woman and like all grown ass adults, responsible for her own actions and choices. She did not get manipulated pitifully into this—she did not go unwillingly. She volunteered, with a happy vengeance, became obsessed with John and in love with him, despite his complete lack of interest. And she did not even just do what he did. She decided on her own that no one deserved redemption, & she killed them for fun in traps that wouldn’t let them go even if they did whatever awful thing the trap demanded as a price for life, just for the fun and power trip of watching them die helpless & in agony. That was all her, & her alone. She sat in a house full of people slowly dying from organ decomposition over the course of a few hours, for no crime worse than drug addiction—the thing she of all people should have been most sympathetic to—knowing full well at any time she could have saved them and stopped the game, and did nothing. She held a woman in her arms and stroked her head lovingly while she let her die in one of the most inhumane ways possible for the crime of having not been able to break an addition. She got saved by a 16 year old child multiple times, who had done nothing more than shoplift, and stood by while he had to watch a man get his brains blown out, another burn to death in an oven. As his organs slowly dissolved too. Watched the kid kill another human being & massively traumatize himself to save her life. And responded to that by attacking & knocking him out, tying him up, locking him up for days in a tiny safe bound and gagged with an oxygen supply to keep him alive, to be a piece in another game. Left his father, who had shown up to try & save him, to starve to death in chains in a horrible abandoned rotting room, & never even told him his son was alive. Let every other addict die horribly, let that kid sustain permanent damage to his organs that will kill him young, antidote taken or not, took his dad from him, & went back to torturing without a second thought. Kidnapped a woman whose worst crime was being a doctor & dating someone while maybe separated instead of divorced from her husband, put her in a trap that would take her head off with shotgun blasts, threatened her for fun, & then killed her even after she did everything she was asked, because it was more important to her that the old man she was obsessed with think she was special and great, than for the other woman to get to stay alive another day & go home to her daughter. There is nothing sympathetic about Amanda. She’s just not only evil, but too spineless to take responsibility for her own choices & actions, & tries to hide behind a “UwU I am sad & lonely & damaged & having trauma means I can literally torture people to death to feel special & it’s really tragic and sympathetic about me, not evil. Uhm. Some people??? Commit torture-murders?? To cope??” And acting like she’s somehow a victim in this becuase she is a pretty white girl with short hair? Is fucked. Up.
But every. God damn. Time. I see this. Please. It needs. To stop. People go: “UwU pretty girl short hair want” & I go “Ok. I see where u. Come from. Indeed.” But then. They go. “Girl pretty I like. So she was blameless. For this atrocity.” Those words...
Every day. I wake up. Thinking of Janic saying. Iconically. “At least me and Regina George know we’re mean,” and I weep inside. Because I cannot fathom. Or stomach. The lack of responsibility. I will kill. Characters who cannot admit they are bad. Myself. But somehow. They become. Flames. To moths. Of the “UwU pretty white girl short hair. We stan. Victim. Queen. Love her. Never done wrong.” Boy. We all done wrong. Even all my faves. At least once. I think. ...not if we count dogs probably, but people, yes. Ok. Anyway. All this is to say. Characters. Should be judged. Based on what they did. And why. And the aftermath. Not a grouping tag. I don’t mean any of these. Make bad characters. At all. Amy is a great character. So is Jennifer. So are most of them. I have quite affection even. For Jeneffer specifically. But you can like. Character. Without proclaiming. Them perfect humans. Who never did a thing wrong. Or their acts somehow. Justifiable. And ok. And you better stop saying. Ok. Because done. To men. Men do not. Deserve violence. Any more. Than anyone else. No one deserves violence defacto for factors. Outside their control. Wtf. Really people. It’s ok too. For character. To do much bad stuff. And still like character. Villains. And often just complex characters. Sometimes just characters. Do stuff. That is bad. It’s not supposed to be not their fault. Or ok. Also. Women are not a sisterhood. Of flawless beings. Who never hurt anyone or do any bad stuff. They can. And are. Often purpotrators. Of awful acts. And when they are. It is still. Very bad. Still. An awful act. Same level. Even. Of awful. Wild.
In conclusion.
Having short hair. While a girl. Doesn’t make her a butch queen. Who is absolved of all responsibility for that murder she committed. It just makes her a girl with short hair. That did a murder. I’m gonna. Kill someone. Too. And if I chop my hair off. I guess I can get away with it.
#personal#*dances wildly to abba music while delivering speech*#some of you all apparently really need a girl to come fuck up your life bc the lengths to which some of y’all so devotedly seem to believe#women are less evil is astronomical. and let me tell you. from personal experience? a girl can ruin your life. just as easily. and with as#little pity. guilt. remorse. or afterthought. as a man. and it aint any more ok. & you know what? so can a fluid person. or a nonbinary#person. legit anyone. can be bad. or good. and do bad. or good. theyre not defacto worse for coming from X starting point. and theyre also.#OuO not. better.#not everyone who likes or is sympathetic to these specific characters even be like that either like u know what? its possible to both be#sypathetic to a character & not excuse & atand their actions. I like & feel bad for Jennifer. a lot. one of my bros in college loved Jane#from twdg. Not bc she thought it was totally fine she’d been super evil though. its *dances* not that hard actually#also nothin against lovin evil lady characters or evil characters in general. just me or anyone else loving them does nothing to make their#evil deeds suddely ok or vanish into the mist#people have some real trouble w nuance huh. folks like a character & assume that means stanning everything theyve ever done. hate a charactr#and suddenly forget how to factor any outside factors into their view of said person’s actions. its a wild bad ride yo#like i get it. im a girl & ive had plenty of men ruin my life i truly get it. but is there anything truly more detrimental to feminism & to#just treating people decent in general than the WomenDoNoWrong mindset & apologism thrown up like its actually a decent counter t patriarchy#? probably actually yeah im sure there are worse. but its still REALLY not good!! feminism is just a stance that all people deserve equal#treatment & an investment in pursuing that reality. if youre excusing people of horrible actions bc girl & treating violence against non-#women as fine youre not a feminist u actually just suck generally as a person#i also lose my mind how half the characters i see get this treatment aint even lesbians & often explicitly like men yet get both assigned#that & treated like that sexuality is a hall pass for human rights violations. im dyin#this entire thought rant was prompted by reading a post earlier today about bi-phobia & gettin mad about how bi people get treated idk how#spagheti brain exactly went there to here so /fast/ but anyway. same brand of problematic. & i am v tired :] of this :] specifically :]#every time i see that post abt women killers in horror i am like ‘OP hiw are your points so good but all your examples so /terrible/.’ rip#i guess this is just life. and i feel excessively better after screaming jnto the void of my blog#also i get it gertrude robinson wanted to stop the apocalypse but fuck gertrude robinson she has no excuse. nothing could justify what she#did to people who loved her. and shes a well written and layered character whonisnt like just pure evil but she is VERY bad and i WILL kill#her (again) myself if given the chance & i have every right to.#spoilers#again. great charcters. amanda an iconic saw villain. gertrude fascinating. etc. but also. they be doing mad evil deeds & tis not ok
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Why Can’t We Be Like That CH18
AN: I seriously have it in my head that this story isn't in as high demand as my others. I need to remind myself that that's not the case just because the story isn't all cotton candy and rainbows.I know this chapter is short but at least its an update.
“Felicity,”
Oliver knew she didn’t want to see him.
He didn’t blame her for the anger in her eyes as she spoke to him or the way, she held herself rigidly before him.
He kept replaying today in his head. When he just stood there as their family and friends had placed all the blame at her feet. How he said nothing when Laurel made a jab about the child they lost.
He had been so overwhelmed. Seeing Felicity confront, Sara, his sister, his mother, her brother, and Laurel calling them out on their bullshit the way she always called them out on his crap.
He really allowed himself to see what Felicity had to go through because he came home. The way the blame was placed all at her feet.
He thought Felicity was being unreasonable. He was wrong.
Why did it take him seeing her being verbally and emotionally attacked for him to see that?
“Please, don’t shut the door in my face.” he pleaded. “Just hear me out. I really need to talk to you.”
“Give me would good reason why I shouldn’t slam this door right in your face right this second?”
“Because I’m sorry.”
“Not good enough.” Felicity gripped the edge of the door, ready to slam it shut.
Oliver’s hand shot out, pressing against the door, keeping her from shutting it. “Because I don’t want us to hate each other. We were in love, Felicity. We owe each other the chance to say everything we left unsaid.”
“Felicity, who’s is at the door?” Roy pulled the door opened wider, and his eyes hardened over. “You have a lot of nerve coming here after today.”
“It’s okay, Roy,” Felicity said, not looking away from Oliver.
Roy turned his eyes to Felicity, eyes softening. “Are you sure? I’m more than willing to make him leave.”
Felicity finally looked away from Oliver, and she nodded at Roy. “Yeah, I can handle him. Go back inside. I will be there in a few minutes.”
Roy shot another glare at Oliver but disappeared back inside Felicity’s home.
Felicity stepped forward, forcing Oliver to take a step back, she stepped out onto the porch, pulling the door shut behind her.
Oliver stared at her, his heart clenching at her closed-off expression. There was a time when Felicity wore her heart on her sleeve. All he ever had to do was look at her to know what she was feeling.
He hated that that had changed. He hated how everything had changed. Everything that he loved, that he came home for was either gone or different, and he wished it wasn’t.
He wished everything could be exactly as he wanted. He was not used to wanting something he was never going to get.
“Are you going to talk or not? If you’re just going to stand there, then you can go.”
Oliver swallowed, gathering his courage. “I’m sorry.”
“For what? Because from where I’m standing, you have a lot to be sorry for.”
“For everything.” Oliver gripped the back of his neck. “For the discord between us. For not being there the way I should have when we lost our son. For leaving. For not handling things better than I should have. For screwing up your life by coming back here. God, I wish I never left in the first place. The list goes on for all the things I’m sorry for. I regretfully could go on all night for all the things I’m sorry for.”
“Just stop, I don’t need you to resight everything that happened between us, everything that went wrong in our lives. I was there, I remember everything. I have lived with a mountain of regrets for years. I don’t need to live with yours too.” Felicity snapped, hearing him say he was sorry had only made her angrier.
“Are you really sorry, or do you just feel guilty? Do you just want to absolve yourself?” Felicity demanded.
“What, no-” Oliver shook his head, he reached for her.
Felicity shook her head sharply, shifting out of his reach. “Don’t.”
Oliver swallowed and looked away from her. His chest tightening with her rejection.
“You say you’re sorry, but in all honesty, I don’t care. If you feel that way, that’s on you. Because you were the one who walked away. I stayed when I lost a piece of me. I pushed forward and held on when I felt alone. More alone than I should have. More alone than anyone should ever feel.”
“You were never alone,” Oliver protested. “You had our family, you had our friends. You had me-”
“I didn’t have you. I didn't have anyone. You left me!”
“It wasn’t like that. After it happened, it was like you didn’t want me there, and I didn’t want to force my presence on you. I didn’t want to make things worse." Oliver argued. "Everything made you so angry. I didn’t know how to help you. I didn’t even know how to help myself.”
“You and I both know that’s not the only reason why you left.”
Oliver’s face scrunched up in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“After high school, our relationship was starting to move so fast. Too fast. We moved in together right out of college. We didn’t discuss it, we just did it.”
“We wanted to be together. We wanted to spend every moment together.” Oliver recalled.
“We did. Still, looking back, it’s something we should’ve discussed. We didn’t have to live together to be with each other. It wasn’t until we found out I was pregnant that we started to make plans for our future, and I think that said a lot about our relationship."
“Felicity, that didn’t mean I didn’t want my future with you.”
“But you weren’t ready. I’m not sure I was ready, but I was going to try. I was going to bring our son into this world, alive and happy and loved. I was going to be the best mother I was capable of being even though I was terrified all the time.”
“Terrified?” Oliver repeated.
“Yes, terrified. I was carrying a life inside me. An innocent life that depended on me for everything. I had nightmares all the time before the accident about something terrible happening to the baby. I was anxious all the time, scared I was going to fail our child, and that is exactly what happened. I failed to bring our son into this world alive and healthy and breathing. I failed to protect him as a mother should.”
“Felicity,” Oliver wanted to take a step forward, he wanted to pull her into his arms, but he knew that wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t want him. Not anymore. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“Maybe not, still, it doesn’t change how I feel, but even when I hated myself. I never left.”
“I couldn’t stay,” Oliver confessed. “I couldn’t look at you because every time I did, I felt like I was drowning.”
“Why tell me it’s not my fault. If you blame me?” Felicity questioned.
“I didn’t blame you,” Oliver shook his head. “I couldn’t look at you because it was my fault we lost our child. I was drowning in my own guilt.”
Felicity brow furrowed in surprise. “What are you talking about?”
“When you told me you were pregnant, I wanted to run,” Oliver admitted shamefully. “We were so young, and I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I was constantly under the pressure of being a Queen and having to carry on the family’s legacy. I was uncertain about everything. Everything but you.” Oliver paused as emotion clogged his throat.
Felicity's eyes stung with a fresh wave of tears.
“You were the one thing in my life I was always certain of.” Oliver continued, his voice shaking with emotion. “When I looked at my future, I only ever saw you. So when you told me you were pregnant-”
“You lied-” Felicity accused, her chest cracking wide open with a fresh wave of pain. “You said you wanted to be there.”
“It was a lie at first,” Oliver confessed. “I wasn't ready for a baby, but I wanted to be there for you. I wasn’t willing to let you go, but as our baby was growing inside of you, I got used to the idea of us starting a family. I got used to the idea of being a father.”
“But you did let me go.” Felicity ground out. “You left.”
“Because I deserved to suffer. I deserved to lose the one thing that meant most to me. I was scared to be a father, and the world punished me by taking our baby from you.”
Felicity shook her head. She didn’t want to hear any of this. It sounded like a bunch of excuses. “If you weren’t ready, you should have been honest with me from the start. Instead, you used our son’s death as an excuse to bail. If you didn’t want to be with me anymore, you should have just said as much.”
“No, Felicity, you’re not hearing what I’m trying to tell you,” Oliver protested.
“No, I think I am.” Felicity’s voice shook with anger. “You weren’t ready. A part of me knew that, but I was pregnant, and I loved you, and I wanted you to be there. Still, you weren’t ready to be a father.”
Oliver shook his head. “Things are different now.” his voice shook. “I’m different now. I’m not the same man I was when I left. I’m ready now, and I want it all with you, the white picket fence, kids, a dog, marriage. Building a life together. I want to experience all of that with you.”
“No,” Felicity shook her head. “I told you before, and I meant it. You can’t come back here and decide you’re ready now and expect me to be waiting for you. You can’t expect me to start over with you or pick up where we left off.” Her hands shook in anger, and she curled her fist, digging her fingernails into her skin. “You say you’re sorry, but I don’t see it. I don’t feel it, and I am not ready to forgive you. I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive you.”
“Please, Felicity, don’t say that.” Oliver pleaded.
“I am being honest. Something you should have been from the moment we found out I was pregnant. Instead of pretending to be the guy who takes care of his responsibilities, pretending to be someone you aren’t. Stop pretending like the death of our son wasn’t the one thing you needed to run away from your life. The one thing you hoped for.”
Oliver took a step back from her as if her words physically hurt him. “You think I wanted our child to die?”
“I don’t know what to think about you. I haven’t for a very long time. I don’t know you anymore. You’re not the same man I fell in love with.”
Oliver swallowed down the pain he could feel, trying to climb up through his throat. “You’re right, I wasn’t ready then, and I was pretending I was ready when I wasn’t. But I did not want our child to die. I would never want that. It hurts that you would think that of me, that I made you believe that.”
Felicity pursed her lips, blinking back tears as Oliver continued.
“You're right. Things were different then. I’m not the person I was. I’m not that boy pretending to be a man. I’m not afraid of what life has waiting for me anymore.”
“Before I came home. I got hurt. I thought I was going to die, and the last thing I saw was you, and I was okay with that, seeing you one last time before it all ended. Only I didn’t die, and I started to dream about what our life could have been. In my dreams, we were together, you were running your own company, we had three beautiful children. A son and two beautiful daughters who were the spitting image of their mother. We were married.” he took a shuddering breath. "We were happy."
“It was just a dream,” Felicity said. It wasn’t something she could picture for them. Not anymore, but she could still remember a time when she did.
“It could be more than a dream. I wasn’t ready then, but I am now, and I want all of it. Marriage, house, kids, all of it. With you.”
“I don’t.” Felicity shook her head. “You’re ready now. Good for you, but it’s a little too late. We’re not together, and I can’t see myself forgiving you. If you knew you weren’t ready, then you should have left when we first found out I was pregnant, instead of pretending to be the guy who takes care of his responsibilities.” Felicity took a step back. ��Just leave me alone, Oliver. As far as I’m concerned, there is nothing between us anymore. Nothing but pain and regret. Furthermore, there is nothing left for either of us to say.”
Felicity opened her door and shut it behind her, shutting Oliver out.
Oliver stared at the closed door, a weight settling in his chest, stomach twisting uncomfortably.
Felicity made it clear she was shutting him out of her life.
It felt like Felicity just shut the door on them forever.
A/N: Alright, so this is the start of a turning point for Oliver and Felicity but especially Oliver. The next chapter will be longer but until then I hoped you liked the chapter.
Tags: @mariestark
Okay, so I lost my tag list for this story, so if you want to be tagged just remind me.
#arrow#olicity#olicity fic#oliver x felicity#oliver queen#Felicity Smoak#fic: why can't we be like that
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Diloph, I don't mean to bring SU discourse to your blog, and I haven't actually watched in a long time, but I was wondering what you think of how the Diamonds have been handled. I'm not against evil people being redeemed, but everyone just being a-ok with them feels off. They're the reason Pink was such a horrible person, they mutilated their own people into forced fusions, and implied genocide. Meanwhile Jasper had to go through hell, even though she was just following the diamonds orders.
It's... a difficult question to answer, really.
I don't think they're irredeemable, though before Pink's “death” (and her subsequent, literal death), it might have proven impossible to find a chink in their self-absorbed way of thinking. I've seen far worse villains being offered redemption with angst and sympathy about them not taking it or what they could be if they did, as well as worse villains actually taking the redemption and making it stick.
Part of me thinks that people struggle to reconcile the idea of the Diamonds being redeemed because of who they are. The Diamonds are the absolute highest authority when it comes to Gem society and all the things that Homeworld has done. Every move they've made that's hurt somebody, unless it was based in individual biases, accidents or coincidence and so on, has come from orders from the Diamonds, or Gems looking to please the Diamonds by fulfilling a function.
They aren't soldiers, or henchmen or superweapons given sentience, they're the top dogs. So far as we're aware, there's nobody above them. They are accountable for everything.
I kinda look back at what Pearl said in an earlier episode, that humans like to rationalise that all the evils of the worlds can be taken to some higher place, some ne'er do-well who can be confronted and defeated, allowing us to live in a place where everything is good forever, or at least until the next one chances their arm.
The Diamonds, particularly White, are those figureheads.
While the specifics are blurry (how many worlds and lifeforms, let alone sentient lifeforms for example) and we don't know how far reaching the consequences are in full, it's clear to me that the Diamonds have done some pretty terrible things. Just their treatment of Pink and their own subjects alone is plenty evidence for them to be marked as evil. In turn, their evil acts inspired or instructed others to do evil acts, with all the consequences that followed.
Enter Steven.
Steven Universe is a show based in optimism and hope; acknowledging that everybody makes mistakes and can be a good person, if they're willing to put the effort in. However, I don't think it pulls any punches when it comes to the fact that it acknowledges that evil and cruelty etcetera are things to be confronted and fought against.
In that sense, the Diamonds are certainly given a lot of leeway. They've perpetuated a system that has caused rampant destruction and suffering, even amongst their own subjects, even amongst themselves and the show believes that they can be redeemed. How? How can they possibly ever account for all the suffering they've caused?
I think the answer to that lies in the fact that Steven, as Pink's son, has the leverage over the Diamonds that Pink never had. He has given them hope after they spent millennia in mourning, hatred and stagnation. Even the mighty White Diamond, arguably the most powerful being in the universe, will bend over backwards to please Steven, even in the slightest way, just if it keeps him around, just if he can fill the void that Pink left behind.
That in mind, we're faced with another question. What happens when Steven dies? 100 years after that? 1000? 10000? Even longer than that? What's to stop them from shrugging their shoulders and just starting up the colonies again?
The answer, is of course, we don't know. We don't know if the Diamonds are simply biding their time, smiling through their teeth, until Steven carks it and then it's back to razing civilisations they go, but given the general tone of the series, I doubt that Steven Universe is as cynical as that.
It's certainly not realistic. People do that all the time. But equally people do monstrous things, realise that they have done monstrous things and then try to account for them. Whether they can or not is subjective, but equally it's just as unrealistic to believe that absolutely nobody would ever do the right thing because they've done the wrong thing, or have remorse and regret over their actions.
Steven Universe is an escapist fantasy series about a magical boy and his magical rock mothers and their cool adventures. It's not to say that the issues can't be addressed ever, but people are far, far too cynical about it; I think that we're meant to it, to believe that such a world could come to pass if we tried hard enough. Wouldn't it be great if we could get through to everybody with a smile, a song and a speech? That people who have done great misdeeds can make up for them?
Ultimately, the Diamonds have made the first step. They want to interact with Steven and as a result, they are capable of feeling empathy (though whether they lacked it before or had simply repressed it or were even simply ignorant to the suffering of “lesser” beings because of how they were made) and the test will come as life goes on. We may never see that effort in full, hell, Steven may never see that in his lifetime, but he hopes that they can change.
It's not without evidence. Blue speaks at length about it before White Diamond assumes direct control of her. White gives up when Pink Steven knocks her down and unites with Flesh Steven to make good ol' Regular Steven, beyond throwing a tantrum for a bit. They go to Earth and help to uncorrupt some of the many Gems that they're responsible for harming. By the movie, even their Pearls, who are meant to be sycophantic slaves, programmed for that even, have enough freedom of speech to snort and sneer at their former god-empress.
A lot of willpower has went into them making changes, prompted by Steven or not and things are looking bright so far. If they really wanted to, the Diamonds could answer to absolutely nobody. For the longest time, they believed that they were all-powerful, immortal and invulnerable. Prior to the war on Earth, it was believed that Diamonds couldn't be shattered. Now that we know the circumstances behind it, for all we know, they can't be shattered at all.
Even making them retreat into their Gem is hard enough; Yellow couldn't poof Blue (though, again, whether she was trying to and not capable remains to be seen) and Pink needed to be “shattered” with a specialised weapon to poof her.
Oh, sure, people are quick to rally around the Breaking Point, but they forget that it was never used against anybody, let alone the Diamonds. We don't even know how practical it would've been to use in battle, after all, the only person using it and knew how it worked intimately was defeated by a child with a sword while he was trying to run away.
Whether the Breaking Point or indeed anything could kill a Diamond, so far, the only weapon that has even came close to inhibiting a Diamond's Gem was Spinel's Rejuvenator, but I'd argue that's a moot point. Even if the Diamonds could be fought, defeated and contained through struggle or the efforts of some Super Fusion, it might not be possible for them to account for their crimes in a way that deprives them of their lives.
Incarceration or bubbling might work, but they could always be freed. How long do bubbles last, how long would it be until a mistake frees one of them or loyalists free these immortal and unkillable beings?
Conventional methods of “dealing” with the Diamonds are entirely speculative and until Rebecca introduces something like “Diamond Smasher” missile platforms, invented by Peridot and Bismuth collaborating, I would hazard that Steven's method of influencing these Gem matriarchs is probably the best in the long run.
The effort he's going to isn't to destroy the Diamonds, it's to save them and in turn, the people they could hurt if they were allowed to continue on. The people that they have hurt, to allow them to recover. To make them into better people that will feel guilt and remorse for their actions, try to account for them by protecting all life they come across for the rest of time, to the fullest of their abilities. If they are immortal then they require an immortal solution.
It doesn't mean that those they hurt (and are alive and are still capable of thought, because man the things that people can do to others in real life are fucked up enough, let alone in magic sci-fi land) are going to forgive them. Why should they? They are the victims, they have been hurt. Turning the Diamonds into better people is to stymie more people getting hurt, to account for that damage they caused. It may never be enough, it can never be enough, but it's better than nothing and it's certainly better than the opposite.
Who knows how the Diamond's saga will end? Actually, no, stupid question; Rebecca Sugar, probably, but as for the rest of us, we're in the dark. Will the Diamonds step down as leaders, even as figureheads, of Homeworld? Will they leave their species in order to make a fresh start in some new quadrant of the universe where they can help others and those that they've hurt don't have to look at them? Will they depart unannounced one day and sit on a ship, gathering dust, for all eternity? Would they even try to kill themselves if the guilt got too strong?
To sum it up, I don't know. I want to believe the best in people, that everybody can account for their actions to some degree because I'm a bit of an optimist, but I realise that there are some things that can't be forgiven or absolved or made up for or whatever. But, maybe, in that universe, they can. Maybe they can heal the Cluster? Maybe they can help every single shard? Rebuild every ruined life? Its nature as a lighter shade of a complicated universe means that there is potential and there is hope to do so.
And now that we're in Steven Universe Future, it's clear that the Diamonds aren't being absolved of all sin. Pearl assumes that White Diamond was the one behind Volleyball's (no, sorry, can't do it) Pink Pearl's damage and she's furious. When she realises it was Pink, she's shocked and disturbed, but is still supportive of her older counterpart. She doesn't hesitate to comfort her or when Steven snaps, defend Pink Pearl against her own son. She recognises that the person she'd loved did a terribly fucked up thing, intentional or not and moves to comfort the victim.
Steven finds their attentions exhaustive in the movie, though that is probably down to spending so much time with them and investing so much effort in getting them to change, leading him to leave them abruptly despite their pleas to stay (and resume his post so to speak, but probably just as much for the company). When they appear at the end, Steven, who has had a rough day, doesn't particularly sweet-talk them into going so much as flat out telling White that he wasn't crazy about them living on Earth, even as White tries the dramatic grandma act.
It's probably why I'm a lot more kind on the ending of the film having Spinel leave with the Diamonds. They both need somebody to help them with their problems and they sort of fill the niche that they each want from the other, while acknowledging that it isn't going to be as it was before and that they aren't the person who they are replacing. They will try.
(And for the record, if things go to hell, Spinel can take care of herself. In fact, I'd worry more about the Diamonds pissing off her than the other way around, she's a smart cookie.)
Honestly, it's the layers of complexity that Steven Universe has that makes a simple question like the one posited kinda difficult to answer. Referring back to that, Jasper for example, why does it seem like she's having to work super hard for a redemption? The answer is that she's pretty complex too.
From what I've read and seen about Jasper, her biggest failing is that she's Gem Vegeta meant to be this perfect super soldier, indestructible and unbeatable. She was built to fight and relishes battle, loves any opportunity to prove that. She takes pride in her abilities because she was literally the best type of gem to do them and was born as a flawless being in Gem eyes. She fulfils her function and she's equipped to do so with maximum efficiency.
Naturally, to quote the saying, pride goeth before the fall. Jasper's hangup is that she does not cope with failure well; she acknowledges that it happens, but constantly rails against it. New strategies, new tactics... new excuses for her failure. New people to blame.
Jasper's biggest failing is that she believes that, despite being the perfect Quartz soldier, she was also born a failure. The colony failed and their leader, a Diamond, was destroyed by the rebels that she went toe-to-toe with and could not beat. She failed in protecting the being that she was most loyal to... and that failure haunts her.
When it came time to bail and nuke Earth from orbit, Jasper was left without a chance to avenge Pink, settle the score and find closure. No matter what she did and was that she failed Pink Diamond and everything else from thereon in was a failure as a result.
But failure was something that imperfect, flawed Gems did. Failure was something that you'd expect from some know-it-all Peridot, getting too big for her boots. Not her. Not the perfect Quartz. The perfect Quartz won any and every battle it was deployed in, shattered every enemy it faced. And, wasn't she the perfect Quartz? Didn't Homeworld call her a war hero? Didn't Yellow Diamond herself take her into her court while all the others of her Kindergarten get relegated to some dusty relic in space?
In a way, Jasper fell into her own legend. She had an idealised version of herself that she knew, subconsciously, that she could never truly be. This self-hatred drove out all of her positive traits, save for determination and reinforced her negative ones. It overshadowed her when Steven tried to help her, because accepting the help would make her weak and she despised being weak.
It's also the character niche that she fills too. Jasper was the first enemy that the Crystal Gems faced that didn't appear sympathetic on the surface. She was more directly involved in the plot than the Diamonds were for a long time, they were distant figures who had orchestrated the war. Now, here was an antagonist that worked on a more personal level by targeting “Rose” and “her” fellows directly.
Jasper despised weakness and when faced with the Crystal Gems in person, all she saw was weakness. A random Pearl that got it into her head that she was free to do whatever she liked while Jasper and everybody else followed orders. Some fusion between two Gems of completely different classes, outright heretical. This... malformed, tiny Quartz that came from the same place as her, could have been a functioning soldier like Jasper or worse, Jasper like her.
Even then she could shrug that off. They were clearly some rag-tag band of survivors from Homeworld's attack, they just got lucky. Have Peridot annihilate them with the ship and be done with it. But hey, at least Rose Quartz is dead, even if she didn't get the satisfaction of shattering her. Killing the last of the rebels was still closure, of a sort.
But as events unfolded, to Jasper, it seemed like Rose Quartz wasn't dead at all. Her greatest enemy, Homeworld's Most Wanted, Rose Quartz... was hiding behind her soldiers, in the body of and mimicking the simpering attitude of a human child.
Rose who she respected the tactics of. Rose who found a way to kill a perfect being. Now a weakling. These were the people that defeated Homeworld. Shattered a Diamond, her Diamond. These were the people that defeated her. But if they were so weak, wouldn't that make her even weaker?
No. That was impossible. She would prove it by taking them down, making them account for their crimes.
So, Jasper became obsessed with taking down the Crystal Gems by any means necessary. Anything she could justify to prove that she was the strongest, that she could think on her feet, that she was successful and everything that she was made to be.
Had you told the Jasper in “The Return” that she would be out in the Earth wilderness, trying to put together a motley crew of corrupted Gems in “Earthlings”, she'd have laughed you out of the room or killed you for even implying she could fall so low, fail so hard. But she could reason with herself that if her enemy was going to “cheat”, why shouldn't she?
Fusion went from a “Cheap tactic” to a viable weapon; Malachite gave her all the power in the world, if she could only use it. Rose Quartz had her misfit army, so Jasper forged her own, giving these lost individuals purpose again, just like she did. If it were her in the same situation, she would be grateful... except she wouldn't be in that situation because she was perfect.
Except she wasn't perfect. Jasper kept failing. In fact, that's all she ever seemed to do on the planet of her birth: fail. So, her loathing grew. She couldn't fail, so she would just try something else. Whatever it took.
And all those failings kept coming. Starting off by going against the orders to check on the Cluster in favour of carting Rose back to civilisation despite protests only got her ship destroyed and both her and Peridot marooned on a hostile planet. Garnet matched her and defeated her. Lapis trapped her in a fusion. Alexandrite defeated Malachite, Lapis refused her, she lost against Stevonnie despite having “backup” and trouncing Amethyst. Then, against Smoky Quartz, she met her downfall by fusing with one of the corrupted Gems, infecting her as well.
Jasper's hell was that most of it was a result of her failure to back down. She might not have deserved to be held by Lapis in Malachite, but she didn't exactly have many other people to blame for forming the massive Fusion when her sole objective was to murder the Crystal Gems. When she got control of Malachite, she went straight to murder. When they were separated, she went to Lapis so that she could get the power back that eliminated her weakness so that she could murder. She built an army to lead against the Crystal Gems because she wanted to murder them. She poofed Amethyst with the intent to shatter her. She fused with a corrupted monster because she wanted to murder Smoky Quartz.
Jasper had a spectacular talent of getting herself into messes because she can't let go of hatred and the need to cause harm. Granted, that is as a result of her attempt to heal her own wounds, prove to herself that she isn't a failure, but she's still trying to kill our protagonists and a lot of the time, laughing as she does it.
When, finally, Jasper is at her lowest, corrupting and abandoned by her feral army of monsters, she rejects Steven's help. Why should she accept it when she sees the truth of it all; that Rose Quartz manipulates the weak and abandoned Gems, giving them purpose again. Makes them all into bodies to put between her and the forces of Homeworld under the guise of love and caring.
To accept help is weak. She refuses to believe that she is weak, but at the same time, knows that she is. Jasper has struggled with that dichotomy for all of her existence and it kills her. She's trapped in her own logic. If she accepts help, then she proves herself to be a weakling. But if she fights against it, then that proves that she is strong. Strong enough not to break down or corrupt.
Ultimately, this attitude gets the character put on hiatus, poofed and bubbled. When we see her cured in Rose's Fountain at the end of the original series' run, she still hasn't learned the lesson. She has a moment of confusion at where she is, then she sees Steven. Crash Helmet activated, Jasper moves in to fight... then spots Yellow Diamond glancing at her out of the side of her eye. Sees Blue and even the mighty White Diamond sitting there in the water.
All around them, Gems she knew, Gems she didn't, Homeworld and Crystal Gems all talking and laughing and hugging and healing from this corruption. Even the Crystal Gem that she'd went out of her way to rile up the most, Amethyst, gently reassures her as the truth hits her.
Jasper was made for fighting and the fighting is over. It shakes her a lot. Suddenly, everything she's hated herself for is moot. She's left without a purpose.
When we see her in Future, time has passed and it's clear she's still struggling with the hatred, because all she has known through most of her existence was that hatred. It is a part of her. She's beginning to recover slowly, make a change, but she's not there yet.
In the time that's passed, we know things have changed a lot. Given how dismissive Amethyst is towards the concept of Jasper joining Little Homeschool, any attempt to connect with her fellow Quartz has been unsuccessful at best. Jasper is still turning down help.
When Steven wanders over, she begrudgingly explains that she's listless. The fighting is over, so all she has is to prepare for the next war, if there even is one. She still sees herself as something to be proud of, something to be held above others, so she removes herself from the other Gems and lives in solitude. Any organic life on her territory is eradicated with no mercy, even if it's a frustrating inconvenience.
And as Steven isn't Pink, she doesn't have to treat him like a Diamond, even if the others do (out of misunderstanding or genuine gratitude for saving them or simply making him synonymous with a Diamond). I get the view that she finds him insufferable or at the very least annoying, because now she's getting the “peace and love” speech in person every so often and can't really do anything about it.
After she bemoans that nobody is willing to fight her anymore, Steven calls her out on the fact that she has done this to herself. She keeps refusing help because she's too mired in her ways, too proud to let herself be “weak” again. Hence why she's living in a cave in the woods, only marginally better than when she was trying to recruit corrupted Gems to take down Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl.
Of course, Jasper blows this off and ignores him until Steven agrees to do the one thing she wants, just so he can get through to her. He'll fight her. It's like switch is flicked. Jasper expresses genuine happiness and anticipation. She can do what she's good at again! She can relive the glory days for this one moment! Prove to herself that she wasn't weak for losing in a fair fight for once!
And she loses. The fight is fair, it's really one on one as she'd requested, but she loses. That's because she slips into her old habits of dissecting what she sees as weakness and once again, it costs her the battle.
To her, Steven always had backup to take her down, so even now, with all his powers, he's still no match for the orange Gem. However, when Steven gets mad and goes pink he completely flattens her.
But the biggest difference in all of this is that even though she doesn't win the fight, like she believed she might have, Jasper succeeds in getting what she wanted and getting something else out of Steven. She wanted a good fight and got one. Even though he beats her, he's showing physical strength now, anger and annoyance... he's just as flawed as everybody else is. He challenged her to a fair fight and she lost that fair fight because he was the stronger opponent. No “tricks”, just brawling. How it was meant to work.
She even scolds him for apologising for knocking her around because she got to live again. When Steven asks Jasper to tutor him, to show him how to harness his aggressive feelings, good... gooooood, young Skywalker new powers, she does what the earlier Jasper would never do. She gets on his level and gently lets him down.
That's a huge step. She recognises that she can respect Steven, even slightly. Sure, she might not be into what he's selling most of the time, but she realised that there is some common ground for the two, just enough to engage with him for a moment. She's progressing.
So, in conclusion, what's the difference between their arcs? The Diamonds committed terrible crimes, but unlike Jasper, they seem to be taking steps to change and become better people by recognising that they've done wrong. When called out on how they treated Pink and the other Gems, they turned within the (admittedly hour long) episode. Blue Diamond tried to reason with Yellow, then both of them with White and finally, White. They had the will to change because they realised their actions had consequences and will, hopefully, be able to account in some way for the things they have done.
Jasper, on the other hand, doesn't have such grave crimes to account for, but for her, everything was much more personal, much more cerebral. She refused to give in because not only was she determined, but she was actively trying to thwart her own self-hatred by succeeding. Jasper didn't see what she did was wrong, I'm still unsure if she does now, but she's finally started on the path to healing now because she's finally found something of worth from a Crystal Gem, even if said Crystal Gem isn't in the healthiest place right now.
Speaking of, her remarks about Steven were pretty on point as we see later in Future. Steven is worried about everybody not needing him any more and he lashes out as a result. Maybe part or indeed a large chunk of Jasper's redemption will be seeing the same self-loathing she experienced grow in Steven and empathising with him and trying to help him, given that the seeds of respect were beginning to form between them. And hey, given her ability to diagnose psychological issues in a heartbeat, she might have a career in that later on, as unlikely as it sounds. Little Homeschool is always recruiting.
The fact is that while I believe that both the Diamonds and Jasper have a long way to go when it comes to redemption, either to account for the magnitude of their crimes for the former or to finally accept help from others, putting one's own demons to rest in the case of the latter, they've started off the whole process with Steven's help. It may be slow and difficult for them, but they have a chance to make themselves and by extension, their whole world, better.
And isn't that what Steven Universe is about?
#Steven Universe#this took a lot longer than I thought it would#surprisingly Jasper's part took longer to articulate than the Diamonds'#probably because I've had a chance to speak about them before with friends
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I don’t understand why white people get so upset at being rightfully criticized. And their response of ‘not all white people’ is so dumb. Yes we know not all white people are racist, but that fact that you’re choosing to address that and not that racism within the white community is so widespread and ingrained that even white people who actively better themselves and fight racism can still be racist just shows how ignorant and racist you are. 1/2
You’re the reason racism still exists. Because you believe you’re above it all when you’re really not. So you exempt yourself from accurate criticism and choose to victimize yourself instead of hearing what EVERY POC is saying. OR you use your bernie poc ‘friends’ who allow and encourage you to be racist and hide behind them to absolve yourself of any guilt. If there’s smoke, there’s fire and you bitches are pouring gasoline on it. 2/2
Exactly. Not all white people are racist and some consciously combat racism too. But at the same time, even the most radical anti-racist white people aren’t immune from doing or saying racist things. Tbh nobody is.
When we call out white people, we’re not talking about those that aren’t racist. But when white folks start to victimize themselves and try to act like the good whitey or use their “poc friend,” it takes away from the racism we’re calling out that’s rampant among white people in general.
Angry Asian Guy
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tbh tumblr so badly wants to assume that all terfs are lesbians and all lesbians are terfs that I see trans lesbians getting accused of being terfs on my dash with baffling regularity.
yeah me too? or even if they aren’t outright called terfs they are accused of being terf sympathizers or something idk
and like. i support hating terfs so much. terfs are disgusting. but i think a lot of cis tumblr (myself not excluded from this) has put so much more energy into hating terfs than supporting trans women and fighting transmisogyny and creating a safe and supportive space for trans women. Besides just being performative to at least some significant degree, it’s also very self-congratulatory to see hating terfs as the ultimate trans-ally deed when it’s really just like, basic human decency.
i have definitely fallen prey to this sort of thinking before, and i regularly check myself because i know how easy it is to check “hating terfs” off the social justice checklist and move on, but it’s not that simple.
especially since nobody on tumblr actually cares about the definition of terf anymore. terf was coinced to describe a specific type of radical feminist. whether or not radical feminism is inherently transphobic is a discussion for another time that I am beyond unqualified to contribute to, but most people seem to be content with calling anything transmisogynistic “terfy” and anything terfy “transmisogynistic.” and white terf ideology is inherently transphobic (specifically transmisogynist), not all transphobia is specifically terf ideology. that isn’t to say that if it isn’t terfy it’s fine, it’s to say that tumblr has largely misattributed transphobia to terfs when all cis people are capable and guilty of transphobic beliefs or actions by virtue of being cis, even if we have a name for particularly violent transmisogynists of a certain strain (terfs)
And so it becomes sooooo much easier to absolve yourself of guilt regarding your own transphobic beliefs that you need to unlearn if you can claim you hate terfs and move on. im not saying that terfs aren’t vile, because they absolutely are, but they are not the only source of transmisogyny on this website or in the real world, and while it is important to take a stand against them on all mediums, it’s also simplistic and ignorant to assume that blocking terfs or anything else will eradicate transphobia, specifically transmisogyny.
And i think the reduction of supporting trans women down to “hate terfs” is part of the reason tumblr brands lesbians as terfs so frequently? in addition to being regularly demonized for other various reasons, lesbians are easy to brand as terfs, because of the nature of lesbianism being exclusive of men and transmisogyny first and foremost stripping trans women of their womanhood. and I think both of these things (seeing hating terfs as the ultimate sjw move to support trans women and seeing lesbians as fundamentally closer to terf ideologies than anybody else) has led to this?
i mean obviously if the only way you support trans women is by accusing them to subscribe to a belief system that actively perpetuates violence against them, then your allyship is entirely performative and probably primarily for you to feel better about being a piece of shit.
All in all, I think it’s time we cis people collectively decide that while hating terfs is absolutely the proper response to their ideologies, we need to do more than claim we hate terfs, call every transphobe a terf, and pat ourselves on the back for being sooooooo progressive. we need to better for our trans sisters.
#like genuinely i dont think its ever okay to call a trans woman especially a trans lesbian a terf#just my hot take#but ya i think ur right#on tumblr terf=lesbian which leaves transphobes and homophobes in a v awkward position bc trans lesbians exist#terf mention tw#chaoticdirt#ask
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Notorious AU- Part 5
Tracking Tag
Sorry, it got a little longer than I expected.
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As casually as they could, they walked back to the car and once again he sat in the passenger seat while she got behind the wheel. Roy couldn't resist comparing it to their first drive together when she was 'drunk' and weaving all over the road and doing her best to protect those she loved from him. Now she carefully drove back to town, he watched her concentrate on her surroundings more as well as drive with more caution. She was more focused on the danger that lurked out there now, the danger she possibly was reconsidering putting herself in.
He had worried that he was going to ruin this operation with his honesty and he did just that.
It was one thing to care for her and let it be one sided. It was ill advised but it was an exception he was inclined to make: he always tried to protect those who were placed under his command. In the months of surveillance and studying the Hawkeyes he had seen a woman trapped in a life of her father's creation and bad judgment, but also a loyal woman who refused to abandon her father. She disagreed with Berthold, but she was determined to ride it out until judgment was passed down on him, because there was nobody else that would. In that sacrifice she made, in dedicating herself to watching him decline and destroy himself with his life's work, she possibly stopped him from making even worse decisions. He viewed her as a soldier, watching the senseless destruction and helpless to do anything about it; a soldier who knew without a presence there, that things could escalate and get much worse.
Now, she was in the same scenario, one of his own making. Now, she was compromised by feelings that she had someone else to protect: him.
“You're regretting the kiss, aren't you?” Riza asked when the uncomfortable silence was no longer possible to bare.
Roy had to be honest with her, there was no other way. Not now. “It makes things more complicated in an already difficult operation.”
“Giving someone something to live for, to look forward to....” Riza bit her lip. God it was just one kiss. She sounded like she was in love with him. “It's nice to feel human again, to feel like an individual instead of just roles I've had to play. I've had to be my father's daughter for my entire life and I have never been able to be me, truly me, Riza Hawkeye. Believe me, it would be easier if I could just hate you and use you to find a new life here. Turn my back on Amestris, on the country who betrayed me, and just start over. Away from my father's legacy, away from the guilt of what I couldn't stop him from doing because I was too weak to betray my father.....”
“That's not you.” Roy said softly and he watched her knuckles go white as she clenched the steering wheel.
“No, I love my damned country and will sacrifice myself over and over for it until I have no more to give.” She shook her head. “Which is why I hate myself so much for wanting you.”
He looked at her and she pulled up to the hotel and waited for the valet to come to take the car. She looked over at him and he saw the sincerity that threatened to melt his heart, the look that made him want to tell her to just keep driving until they found the border. Whatever border. Wherever she could go and just live for herself instead of dying for some damned cause.
“We're alike you and I.” She said simply. “I know nothing about you but I understand with every fiber of my being your need to try to fix this world. That we can't turn our eyes from the wrongs or turn our backs from the duty we have to be the one who does something. It's the cloth we're made from, and the shroud we'll be buried in.”
Roy saw the valet coming and said softly. “You're better than me.”
“If I was, would we be here?” She asked. “If I stopped my father from selling his research, if I have turned him in, would we be here?”
He shook his head. “It's not the same Riza...”
“A part of me believed he knew what he was doing, a part of me was too scared of him to do more than just watch him. My inaction was worse than any reaction. Now that research could cost lives, a lot of lives...” She said and looked ahead as the Valet smiled and came over to the door. “I am indirectly responsible for this and any deaths will be on my hands as well. Nothing you say will absolve me of that. I chose this job, you didn't con me into anything. You're pretty, but not pretty enough to make me go to a foreign country and throw away my life just to chase after you.”
He gave her a smile. He loved how she could deliver the truth, simple but noble. It made him feel a renewal of passion for his cause, and she wasn't even in charge here. Why was she saving him?
“I need someone to protect too.” She said and looked over at him. “My family. Amestris. You. I can handle that. I do understand the risks involved, Mustang, I really do. That's why I am really looking forward to dinner because I'd like to live this life before it's gone.”
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They had made it back to her room and as soon as he finished checking for bugs, Riza had pushed him into the wall and started kissing him. Hands roaming under his jacket, fingers running under the leather straps of his shoulder holster and her lips firmly on his. Roy had never been so aroused by any woman in his entire life, and of course it was at that moment that the phone rang.
He wanted to throw the damned thing off the table, rip it out of the wall and throw if off the balcony. He wanted to ignore it in favor of finding out what exactly she planned to do when she got his jacket off, pretend like maybe they had a half an hour to spare before someone came to get answers in person. Instead, it was the knowledge that him not answering would trigger a series of events that lead to Maes Hughes bursting into this room via window or adjoining door, and see him compromising his mission. See him and Riza in the middle of something incriminating, something that said that his judgment was beyond compromised. So he picked up the phone, with strength and resolve he didn't think he had, and answered.
Now, he was standing in a room with his fellow agents and boss and hating everything. Hughes's eyes were on him from the moment he arrived, Maes knew the sound of his voice and certainly knew that sound he made when he was trying to be composed instead of react to a beautiful woman kissing his neck and stroking his chest. Of course he had been the one the other end of the phone line, calling to let him know that the boss was here wanting to discuss the plans for this mission. He wasn't angry at Hughes for being the one to interrupt, but he was sure pissed at him now for reading him like a book as he shuffled uncomfortably behind a chair waiting to be spoken to.
“We've reached a decision on the strategy we're going to be taking.” Hakuro toyed with the cigar he was smoking, there certainly was a distinct and exotic flavor to it.
Hughes watched Roy and occasionally looked around the room to see if anyone else detected his agitated state. Hakuro, their boss, was more interested in mentally calculating how many cigars he could smuggle back to Amestris in their gear boxes when the time came to go home. The other agents were focused on their work, but Breda looked like he was going to vomit from the smell of the cigar smoke while Havoc tried to resist lighting up a cigarette of his own. Falman kept writing his reports, Fuery listening to the tapped phonelines and Armstrong was just standing there looking like a statue. None of them had noticed Roy's irritation, but to them he just looked the usual form of pissed off that he was when Hakuro was being condescending.
“We need Hawkeye to get close to Kimblee, and I mean close.” Hakuro said and rolled the cigar in his fingers. “His confidence won't be won by just comradery or friendship.”
Hughes watched Roy grip the back of the chair like he was going to break it in half. They didn't talk about the seduction option, but it was an unspoken element always on the table. Roy knew this, but of course the delivery of this from Hakuro always made things sound so much more vile.
“She's been throwing parties at her father's house.” Hakuro said and inhaled another deep breath of smoke. He exhaled and smiled. “She can be friendly, charming and with the right amount of intellect to intrigue Kimblee. Don't you think Mustang? You're the one who worked with him.“
“We didn't discuss his taste in women, sir.” Roy said sharply, too sharply as Hakuro's eyes darted to him.
“Do I detect a problem?” Hakuro said. “You knew this was an option if necessary.”
“I don't think it necessary.” Roy countered. “Or an option.”
And then everyone took notice, Hughes observed. Havoc glanced over and Breda's sharp eyes flickered with recognition of a challenge. Falman paused in his writing a brief second and only Fuery was too occupied to hear or feel the tension in the room. Armstrong stood stiffer and stared off at some cracked plaster in the opposite wall like he was capable of keeping it together with his will power. Maes took it upon himself to stretch out his legs and put his hands behind his head, adding the dose of casual back into the conversation before injecting, “Don't think she has the resolve to do that?”
“I don't think she's that kind of woman.” Roy said simply. Bless Hughes, even if he was going to slap him upside the head for getting invested in her.
“I don't understand your attitude, Mustang.” Hakuro snorted after he exhaled. Of course Mustang would think he knew better than him.
“Why don't you think she'll do it?” Hughes prodded, trying to get Roy unfocused on a battle with Hakuro and more on the task at hand; the task of not making it obvious he had feelings for Riza.
“She has no experience.” Roy said, angry enough to keep his replies short. Maybe it wasn't anger.
“Oh come on.” Hakuro snorted. “Sure she's not one of your mother's girls, but I think she manages just fine...”
Before Roy could flip the chair over Hughes said, “Hawkeye was chosen for this, not only because of her father's background but because of how well she covered for him while she was trying to change his mind. Kimblee knows we're sending her here to get close to him, he'll delight in trying to turn her against us.”
“I know how Kimblee works.” Roy said sharply. “Which is exactly why I don;t think seducing him is going to get a reaction you want, other than revoltion from Hawkeye at the prospect of sleeping with that man.”
“We need her in his house.” Hakuro said definitely. “How else do you get her in there for a long period of time?”
Roy went to open his mouth for a rebuttal, but Hakuro knocked some ash off his cigar and stood up.
“So I think you should go back to Miss Hawkeye and explain to her what she needs to do.” Hakuro said and walked over to Mustang, physically inviting a challenge. He made sure the chair was between them though, he knew what the man was capable of. “What is it, Mustang?”
Roy shut his mouth and then looked down at the chair he was rocking back and forth without realizing it. “Nothing, sir.”
“I thought you were going to say something?” Hakuro said feeling cocky as Mustang broke eye contact. He cocked an eyebrow, and in a mocking voice asked, “No?”
“How do you expect them to meet?” Roy asked. “Or do you just want me to tell her to stand on a street corner and look for a greasy asshole in a fedora?”
Hakuro put the cigar back in his mouth. “There's chatter she'll get an invite to some gala Prince Claudio is hosting. It's your job to make sure she's ready to make an impression.”
Roy nodded and considered making an impression in Hakuro's head with the chair he was putting all his frustrations into trying to crush. “Yes, sir.”
“That will be all, Mustang.” Hakuro said and turned his back on him to go back to his comfy chair and look at the men in the room in triumph. It was no secret who they were loyal to, but he wanted to make sure they remembered who was in charge.
Maes looked up at Roy and exchanged a brief glance with him, then stood and stretched. “I need some fresh air, need anything boys?”
They all shook their heads and Hakuro ignored the implication that his cigar smoke was making people ill. Roy went to the door, Hughes was right behind him waiting for the moment they were out of sight and hearing to ask him what the fuck he was doing.
And the truth was, he really didn't know anymore.
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Attack on Titan Season 2 Episode Analysis - Episode 9 (Episode 34)
Last week, I briefly expressed frustration over the lack of focus on Eren’s troubling predicament. Well, I guess the show read my mind, because this episode is all about Eren, consisting almost entirely of an extended conversation between Eren, Reiner, Bertholdt and Ymir. I see now why they structured these episodes as they did; by getting last week’s stuff out the way, this episode can concentrate on Eren’s experience.
Now, I do need to impress just how light this episode is on any plot. To be reductive, this episode is basically just 4 titan-shifting kids hanging out in the trees and chatting. It’s about as chill as an episode about being kidnapped could possibly be.
The only time we cut away from this scene is to remind us that the scouts are closing in as a type of ticking clock and to show us that maybe, finally, after so many episodes, Hanji might have figured out that humans have been turning into titans (we’ve waited so long, please I’m so tired). Apart from these brief digressions, this episode is all about an intense yet intimate situation, providing an opportunity to show off AOT’s deft characterisation.
But before we get to all that fun character stuff, we first need to establish the specifics of the situation. Or in other words, we need an explanation for why everyone can just chill out and talk for a while. The reason for this is relatively simple; there’s literally nothing else they can do.
AOT makes it abundantly clear that they have reached a stalemate, lovingly detailing the reasons why their only option is to sit around and shoot the shit. They’re good reasons too: they’re surrounded by titans, Reiner and Bertholdt are the only ones with ODM gear, all of them are too exhausted to turn into titans, they need to heal, and so on. Every possibility is accounted for and comprehensively dismissed, just to force the audience to suspend their disbelief and hopefully alleviate our inevitable frustration. It’s quite sneaky when you think about it.
So Eren is caught in a situation where wits and a cool head are essential. To further complicate matters, Eren is forced to work with Ymir. This is the first time we’ve seen Eren and Ymir properly interact and I think I can guess the reason why; Eren and Ymir are such fundamentally different people, it’s obvious that they really don’t like each other. Eren is naturally idealistic and moralistic, wearing his emotions and his ethics on his sleeve. Ymir is unfailingly cynical and frequently selfish, concealing her true intentions behind several layers of snark and misdirection. If they had to choose who they’d be stuck with like this, I’m sure that they’d be each other’s last choice. It’s telling that Eren, the guy who trusts almost every single one of his fellow cadets, isn’t sure if he can trust Ymir.
In general, this whole situation is completely antithetical to Eren. Eren is a man of action and emotion, so the fact that he has to stay put and stay calm is practically torture. Funnily enough, Eren is fully aware of this and that, in order to succeed, he’ll need to supress his emotions; this is obviously a big ask for Eren, the most emotionally volatile character in AOT. I mean, I’m sure he’ll fail (and he does) but it’s nice to see that he’s aware of his flaws and is actively trying to address them. Progress!
Ymir, on the other hand, is frankly excelling. One of Ymir’s defining character traits is her ability to conceal her emotions and intentions, remaining cool and detached while secretly pursuing her goals. She is in her element and she is playing the people around her so well. Ymir seems bored and honestly indifferent to the situation, but all the while she’s gathering information and investigating her enemies’ intentions. This doesn’t go entirely unnoticed by Reiner and Bertholdt, but she’s successfully using her façade of aloofness to confront them and bide her time (what for, we’ll have to see).
Still, Eren and Ymir are only one plate on offer in this tension buffet. Another integral dish to this very messy situation is the current betrayer of the day, Reiner.
For the first half of this episode, Reiner is a suitably imposing captor, acting very straight-laced and intimidating. But then, something changes. Entirely unprompted, Reiner starts talking about completely mundane topics, about military promotions, about being worked too hard, as if he was still a soldier and not a traitor. For a brief moment, the Reiner we knew and loved, the one who cares about his friends and who wants to marry Christa, is back. But it’s all so wrong.
When Reiner’s true motivations were revealed in episode 6, it was honestly a challenge to reconcile this new knowledge with how I’d previously understood Reiner. Reiner truly seemed like a morally upstanding, sincerely loyal soldier, more so than Bertholdt or Annie. Could I have completely misread Reiner? There had to be more going on to justify this unexpected about-face.
Now, we finally get an answer as the true depths of Reiner’s psychology are revealed. In the face of his incredible crimes against humanity, Reiner’s guilt became so great that his mind and memories split into two different personalities. All this time, there have been two separate sides to Reiner, warrior-Reiner and soldier-Reiner. One side is aware of his monstrous crimes and his ultimate aim, and the other side is entirely oblivious to the truth as a coping mechanism to live with the guilt and find solace in the simple life of a soldier. All those shots of Reiner’s reflection in the water in episode 6 definitely make a lot more sense now; they were there to foreshadow Reiner’s bifurcated personality.
Reiner’s act as a loyal soldier was so convincing to me because he had convinced himself it was legitimate. Unlike Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie never risked their lives for another soldier or even got emotionally invested in their deception; such actions could jeopardise the mission, which a true traitor wouldn’t do. It all makes sense, then, why Reiner risked his life for his comrades and seemed to genuinely care for his fellow soldiers – because one side of him actually did!
Of course, Ymir and Eren are completely shocked and dumbfounded when they realise just how unhinged Reiner truly is. Bertholdt’s reminder that he’s a warrior, not a soldier, snaps Reiner back to reality and has an almost triggering effect on Reiner. He starts to shake with fear and suffer through a PTSD-style flashback. He actually starts crying; that’s how traumatic it is.
As is to be expected, Eren doesn’t react to this revelation well. Reiner and Bertholdt’s betrayal has been incredibly painful for Eren to deal with and he’s still working through conflicting feelings of love, hate, anger and betrayal. To have this betrayal complicated by the fact that Reiner was (in his own messed-up, split-personality way) sincerely loyal this entire time, is truly confronting for Eren. This is all compounded by the fact that Reiner and Bertholdt’s actions directly resulted in his mother’s death; his beef with Reiner is deeply personal.
So in the wake of this reveal, Eren is justifiably livid and almost sanctimonious, verbally attacking Reiner and rejecting his right to this emotional trauma and guilt. Usually, I question Eren’s propensity to ignore the moral complexity of these situations, but he makes a salient point here; Bertholdt and Reiner did horrible, monstrous things, so how much sympathy do they deserve? I do think it’s important to remember that no matter how relatable and sympathetic they may seem, our true sympathy must remain with the tens of thousands of people that died because of their actions. As Eren argues, they aren’t soldiers or warriors or any other noble classification, they’re just murderers.
But then Eren goes and takes it too far, demanding that they stop pretending to have emotions because they aren’t human anymore. I had honestly hoped that episode 7’s fight was a sign that Eren could acknowledge the humanity of his enemies, rather than simply dehumanising them to make them fit into his moral worldview. Sadly, Eren has reverted to his typical response. It’s always one step forward, two steps back with Eren. Humans can do monstrous things, Eren (that’s the point of your show).
Dangerously, Eren’s moralism blinds him to the bigger picture. He focuses far too much on the clear-cut evil in front of him that he is unable to realise that Reiner and Bertholdt are almost certainly pawns in a much larger conspiracy. Yes, they did something horrible, but there is still so much we haven’t been told about the circumstances surrounding their participation in this massacre. While, I’m sure this will not absolve them of their crimes, it will at least explain their motivations and add nuance to this tragedy.
Reiner doesn’t react well to Eren’s virulent condemnation either, and angrily asks what Eren wants from him since his diatribe won’t bring back the people they killed.
Eren’s reaction to this is really fascinating. He is taken aback but then he admits to his naivety and vows to “make you guys suffer in the worst way possible”. There’s something monstrous about the way Eren says this. At this point, Eren isn’t trying to do the just or moral thing, he simply wants the most violent, painful kind of revenge. Eren isn’t as pure or as good as he thinks he is. He has a cruel, monstrous side that has grown more and more pronounced.
This proclamation might have led somewhere too. But then, Ymir scoffs at him, telling him off for his childishness. Morally, Ymir is the complete opposite of Eren. Eren sees the world in strict black and white and truly believes right and wrong can be delineated in every situation. Ymir is all grey, prioritising her own wellbeing and rejecting moral codes in lieu of self-preservation.
So when she hears Eren’s very simplistic response, she completely rejects it. Ymir doesn’t care about who Reiner is or if what they did was right or wrong. Besides, Ymir knows there’s a bigger enemy behind all of this. But before she can tell Eren who this enemy is, Reiner interjects.
Since Ymir already knows so much and is so unaligned morally, Reiner offers her a chance to join their side. Ymir initially balks at this - she has no reason to trust them or side with them. But then, Reiner brings up Christa. Ymir is often a confusing, complicated character, but one thing has been made very clear: she genuinely loves Christa and will do anything to protect her. This is the key to Ymir’s allegiance and Reiner knows this.
As this episode has shown us, Ymir has no love (or even loyalty) for Eren, feeling either indifference or antipathy. Every interaction with him thus far has been a tactical move to ensure her survival. But when Reiner says that they can protect Christa and appeals to this side of her, Ymir makes her choice to side with them. Ultimately, while Ymir values her own wellbeing, she will prioritise Christa over herself no matter what.
I can only say that I genuinely hope Christa can snap Ymir back to her senses. It’s hard because I desperately want Ymir to stay on Eren’s side, even though it makes complete sense that she would go against him. It’s such good characterisation, even if it pains me to watch her make this choice.
On that depressing note, the episode ends. It’s a fairly simple episode, but still well-done overall. All will be decided next time…
#attack on titan#shingeki no kyojin#shingeki no kyoujin#aot#snk#eren#Eren Jaeger#eren yeager#reiner#reiner braun#Bertholdt#bertholdt hoover#Ymir#anime#reviews#anime criticism#anime analysis#snk episode 34#snk ep 34#aot episode 34#aot ep 34#attack on titan season 2#aot season 2#snk season 2#shingeki no kyojin season 2#shingeki no kyoujin season 2
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She wore a white dress the first time I met her.
I remember thinking that she was absolutely beautiful – that Luke’s office was too filthy a place for her to be in, that it’d stain her. “Aren’t you going to frisk me?”, she asked and my stupid mouth ran off, I think I said something along the lines of, I could If you want me to. I didn’t know who she’d become to me, that I’d end up caring that much for her. If I had, I don’t think I would have wasted so much of my time trying to run her off from what I saw as death spiral, a moth about to be consumed by flame.
I’m waiting outside of her parent’s house for her, ignoring the strange looks I’m getting from her older siblings who probably don’t know we’re not together anymore. Roman stops to talk to me for a minute, but only to ask me to leave – I won’t, not until I see she’s okay. Celia called me the other night, she’d lost her at the bar and she was worried that she was coming to see me, she begged me not to take her in if she came. I waited all night.
A blue car I don’t recognize pulls up and out she steps, her eyes locking on to mine. They trail down to the dog tags I’m wearing and sweep back up and, for a moment, she looks just as miserable as I am. They’re a slight manipulation on my part; she had teased me that they were corny when I had her name engraved on them – I want her to see that I’m still hers if she’ll have me.
Her expression hardens when she focuses on the SUV I’m driving and I feel like kicking myself, I should have brought my bike. “Nice dad wagon,” her tone is icy. “What are you doing here?”
“Celia called me last night and said that you went missing, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
She laughed mirthlessly in response. “Here I am, in one piece. You can go now.”
“Where were you?”
“I really don’t see how that’s any of your business,” she says, but there’s amusement behind her eyes – something cruel. And then I see the mark on her neck barely hidden by the black lace choker she’s wearing. I feel like there’s a weight on my chest, we haven’t been together in almost three weeks. She’s been with someone else.
Under the weight, something vile is rising – I’m jealous and I think I know exactly who left the mark on her. The only person stupid enough to make that move. “You and Yulian fucking already?”
“Surprisingly enough, no.” Then she smiles and adds, “Yet. Would that bother you, Gene?”
“Of course it fucking would!” I explode. “For all I know, you two were probably fucking while we were together anyway. He was spending an awful lot of time at your apartment.” I know it’s not fair of me to say, I even know that they weren’t, but I hate the idea of that guy’s hands on her, of her being with him instead of with me.
Emilia’s face grows dark, “No, you don’t get to do that,” she says, shoving a finger in my face. “I wasn’t the one who cheated, that was you. I’m not going to let you sit here and absolve yourself of guilt at my expense. You know goddamn well I was faithful to you!” I put my hand on her hips and try to pull her in but she resists, “Fuck off, Gene, let me go!”
She manages to turn herself around and I finally pull her in against me, “I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to fight,” I say quietly and she relaxes a little. We’ve been in this position before, it usually ends with kisses until we’re breathless. I miss it, I want her back so badly – I don’t care who she’s been with as long as she comes back to me. I breathe in her perfume, nuzzling against her neck and she stiffens and pulls away. I’m not dissuaded, I grab her hands and she balls them into fists and I kiss them, “I found out about the time off you got us,” she won’t meet my eyes. “I could take you out to Willow Creek, we could eat at that restaurant on top of The Grey Lady, stay at a nice hotel downtown for the week…”
“You don’t have that kind of money,” she retorts.
“I do now.” I really do – I’ve taken up hit contracts for Luke. The first one was a local politician the LA-13 wanted gone, it paid 50K. I was warned that the majority of jobs I would receive wouldn’t be as high paying if I only worked in this area and Luke would get a cut if he had to vet people for me. Her gaze is questioning and I give her a small smile, “No talking business in public, remember?”
She shakes her head and lowers her hands, “No, Gene.”
“Give me a chance, I can fix this.”
“You really shouldn’t have tried to hide it from me,” she starts. “You can’t fix that you’re going to have a kid and you can’t fix that any time you leave; I’ll just assume you’re with June. Go home.” I watched as she walked up the stairs to her parent’s house, not once bothering to look behind her.
She wore a white dress trimmed with black. I wondered if I was the one who stained her.
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if white women could hear me out as a woman of color for a moment, i want to say some things.
feminists, who are supposed to fight for ALL women, cannot make progress if white feminists keep getting their feelings hurt so easy when woc check them on their behavior. guess what? you’re women, but you’re still white. just because you’re not white men doesn’t mean you can’t harm us or opress us, and honestly, i’ve written abt this before but white women do a hell of a lot to oppress us too. a lot of white women get mad when i say that, but it’s the truth, and if you can’t accept that, you’re of no help. white women aren’t exempt from that criticism and that anger. sometimes y’all speak up when it’s really not your discussion. if you really care about the progress, and the social change, you will stop being so focused on your feelings or white guilt (it doesn’t help us when yall say you hate white women either. you are white women and it reads like you trying to absolve yourself of that guilt, to other yourself and present yourself as a white woman who is unlike Those white women. cut that shit out) and you will start listening to woc when we criticize your feminism. take that and grow from it. also start correcting your white friends...white girls get real bold sometimes and think they’re cute and won’t get criticized bc they’re women. make 2017 the year of white women taking responsibility for their actions. if tomi lahren is finally getting roasted on twitter you’re not safe either xx
#long post#kinda#if ur white don't send me ANY angry messages abt this bc if ur mad reading this ur the reason i wrote it#white women love to be mean to me
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Mage: Chapter 69- The Resistance
Written By 50Funny
Part 1- Welcome To The Resistance
“You know for a bunch of people in military uniforms I'm starting to get the feeling you guys aren’t affiliated with them. So who are you lot anyway?”
The man smiled cockily as he raised his hand up and pressed them against the door.
“You're not wrong about that,” Tia said as he pushed the door open with a heavy shove. “Welcome.”
Liz's jaw almost dropped to the ground as she stared into the room. Behind the door was a wide-open area with a high arched roof being held up by large brick pillars. at the far end of the room was a large clock with shattered glass placed into the elegantly carved wall. Down the center of the area was a long line of beds each filled with injured soldiers. All around where hundreds of men and dressed in the same uniforms as Tia as well as people in white lab coats.
“To the resistance.”
Tia strode into the wide-open area followed behind by Liz who continued to look around the area in aw.
“What the hell is this place?” asked Liz.
“It’s a series of tunnels running all under Lemia. It was used in ancient times for trade but it was closed down hundreds of years ago. Perfect place to hide from the prying eyes of law enforcement.”
Liz turned to look at Tia with confusion.
“But how’s this possible, I’ve never heard of any Lemian resistance?”
“Yeah well, the government doesn’t really like talking about us. If they acknowledge us as a threat then more people might start to consider rising up.”
“Tia… Tia!” came a voice from over near one of the beds.
Liz and Tia looked over to the voice seeing an older man with thin grey hair quickly limping over to them with a cane. The man reached the two letting out a slight pant.
“Tia… we have an emergency…” the man said before turning to look at Liz. “Oh… patient 34… it's good to see your up and at it.”
“Patient 34? What are you talking about? Who are you?”
“This is Rico, our resident doctor, he was the one who took care of you while you were out. Dr. Rico this is Liz.”
“Ahh a pleasure to meet you Liz,” Rico said, raising his hand to shake Liz's. He turned his gaze back to Tia. “Now back to business. We’re out of medical supply’s”
“Again? But we just raided a supply camp.”
“Yes, but I hadn’t anticipated on us receiving so many new guests. We don’t have the supplies to deal with the influx of new people. If we don’t do something soon most of these people will die.”
Liz looked across the field of injured and unconscious people lying in bed being tended to by doctors. She walked over to the patient that Rico had come from.
“Let me have a go,” Liz said as she walked.
Rico and Tia looked at each other with confusion before following Liz over to the patient. Liz scanned the young female soldier over noticing a large bullet hole in her chest. She writhed around on the bed in pain.
“Poor girl took a shot straight through the lungs. we've done everything we can for her. Even with a fully stocked supply cabinet, there’s not much we can do for her.”
Liz let out a slight hum as she thought. She raised her hands to the patient placing them on her chest. Tia and Rico looked on in shock as a bright blue glow started to emanate from Liz’s hands. She focused all her energy on the women. The energy started to dissipate before Liz removed her hands from the women's chest. The hole in her chest had been sealed shut leaving a large scar in its way.
“Hopefully that helps a little.”
“You…You’re a Magic-user?” said Tia.
“Huh, yeah, I'm a mage actually.”
Tia smiled and let out a chuckle.
“Ha… well I think we’ve found the solution to our little supply problem.” Tia said to Rico before turning to face Liz. “ If you wouldn’t mind helping the good doctor here for a while we would certainly appreciate it.”
“Oh umm, I’m not really much of a medical expert.”
Rico reached out his hand and grabbed Liz by the arm before starting to walk off dragging Liz behind him.
“Nonsense nonsense you'll be a big help… come on now we have a lot of work to do.” Rico said with a joyous expression stretching across his face.
“Huh… what… wait a second,” Liz said, somewhat shocked by the elderly man's show of strength.
“Haha… be sure to send her to the command center when your done with her!” Tia yelled after the pair as they went about their work.
Part 2- The Hands That Heal
The glow emanating around the unconscious man's legs began to fade as Liz removed her hands from the patient. She wiped her brow of the sweat building on it as she let out a long huff.
“Didn’t think id be doing this much work right after waking up.”
“No time for rest … we are at war remember,” Rico responded as he moved to the next bed.
Liz followed the doctor to the bed before looking down at the patient. Her eyes filled with shock as she recognized the man on the bed as Tom.
"Huh... hang on a second, i know this guy. we where together on the military base."
Rico looked down to the patient, an uncomfortable expression forming on his face.
"Where you friends," Rico said concerned.
Liz nodded, noticing Ricos concern.
"I dont want to give you false hope. This patient was in bad condition when he got here. it's pretty much a crapshoot as to whether or not he'll pull through."
Liz looked back down to Tom lying in the bed. She placed her hand on his chest and getting to work.
"He'll pull through, no point worrying about it. im sure he'll be fine."
The two continued their work. Liz looked up to the doctor as he watched her work.
“You know… you don’t really seem like the rebel type. How’d you get wrapped up in all of this?” Liz asked.
“Haha, ill take that as a compliment. You're not wrong though, not all that long ago I was a doctor at one of Lemia’s most prestigious hospitals.”
“No kidding huh?”
“Haha no… no kidding. I was well respected amongst my colleagues and making quite the cool little paycheck for myself.”
The glow began to dissipate as Liz removed her hands. The pair moved on to the next patient and continued the monotonous process.
“So if you were such a big shot how did you end up here?”
The smiled at Liz's question.
“Ahh… that’s a good question. It seems like only an insane person would give up such a life,” The Doctor said, his expression quickly fading as he looked down to the ground. “As a doctor, you make a promise that you will do all in your power to heal and save the lives of those in need. That was the whole reason I became a doctor, I didn’t care about the respect or the money… I just wanted to help people. For a Lemian Doctor though there are certain responsibilities you have.”
Liz looked at the doctor slightly confused as she removed her hands and the pair moved on to the next patient.
“Many times I would be called to help deliver baby’s possibly the ultimate culmination of my passion, actually getting to help bring a life into the world. However, as head doctor it was also my job to test the baby’s for magical ability and if they were positive then…”
Liz had a moment of horrified realization as she listened to the doctor's story.
“You mean… you killed them?” Liz said horrified.
“Not directly… I simply had to call the officials to come to collect it, so I suppose in a way I was killing them. I did it for years, swallowing my disgust, telling myself it was worth it for all the lives that I had saved… but I was delusional. In my old age, it became harder and harder to bear it. So when I court Tia and the resistance raiding my hospital for medical supplies, I knew what I had to do. So I disappeared and joined with Tia and the resistance.”
“Wow… that’s… I don’t know what to say,” Liz said, still somewhat processing what she had just heard.
Rico looked away letting out a long deep breath.
“I know this won't really help anything, but still it would help ease my guilt a little if I could just say…” Rico looked back up to Liz, tears starting to well up and stream down his face. “I’m sorry… for everything I’ve done.”
Liz took a step back as she watched the man begin to weap. She felt incredibly awkward as she watched unsure of how to react. She raised her hand up and waved away the question, and an awkward smile formed on her face.
“Hey hey no need to get so emotional, it’s fine really, I mean it's not like you did anything to me personally or anything so it's fine,” Liz ranted.
Rico wiped the tears away from his face as he let out a loud sniffle.
“I know. But all I can do to atone for my sins is to apologize to every magic-user I meet, even if it will never absolve me completely,” Rico said before plastering a smile onto his face through the tears. “Anyway… you don’t want to listen to the ramblings of an old fool. That’s about all of the critically injured taken care of. You should go see Tia, I think he had something he wanted to speak to you about.”
Liz nodded before turning around and around and walking off towards where she had seen Tia heading earlier. She stopped in her tracks before turning around a looking at the doctor as he continued to work.
“Hey doc,” Liz yelled drawing Rico attention back to her. The man looked at her still obviously shaken by his confession. “Don’t beat yourself up about it. sure you’ve got a past… but we all do. What matters now is what’s happening now. And in my book well… you’ve more than made up for the past.”
The doctor looked on at Liz. Her words made him feel warm inside In a way that he hadn’t in a long time.
“Anyway… see you round doc.”
Liz ran off back in the direction she was headed. A slight smile formed on the doctor's lips as he went back to his work.
“See you around, Liz… and thank you.” He muttered to himself.
________________________________________________________________
Thank you for reading chapter 69 of mage If you like what you see consider checking out my AO3 at this link https://archiveofourown.org/users/50Funny to see all new chapters 3 days early. If you feel so inclined please consider following my tumblr for all updates and other tid bits. Until next time , have a good one.
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