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luhloydsworld · 1 year

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Now i dont know if anyone here reads this anymore but im making the post anyways. If you dont know the Fence comic series you can keep scrolling (or not)

I wanna rant about how INCREDIBLE of a friend Nicholas is to Seiji. Seijis had a friend before, as we've all known, we'vw gotten more and more hints as to seiji giving someone a chance close to him before, even as to why he was so relucatant to let it happen again.

but this time nicholas managed to sneak his way into seijis heart and oh is it so different than last time. seiji liked how jesse pushed him, but he only pushed him physically. emotionally, mentally, jesse kind of did the opposite to seiji, and he was a very isolated individual because of it.

nicholas is different. in volume five we got the verbal comfirmation of the way nicholas as a character contrasts jesses role in seijis life; he strives to push seiji physically with his fencing, the two of them at the top as well, but nicholas has also pushed seiji to a better version of himself outside of fencing.

with jesse, it was only fencing. thats what they were. seijis feeling extended outside of fencing, he wanted it to be the two of them in more than just the fencing world, a world jesse couldnt single himself away from at all. seiji eventually did this too.

fencing is equally nicholas' whole world, but he sees seiji as apart of his whole world, not just inside fencing. nicholas manages to get seiji outside of his comfort zone completely, and feel comfortable in situations seiji wouldnt have let himself in originally.

my first example just so i look like i know what im saying, is when theyre training together. in the end of Vol. 4, seiji goes to nicholas. this already indicates a change in how seiji views nicholas.

then you get THIS SCENE in Vol. 5. seiji kept himself reserved for so long but now he lets his guard down with nicholas. maybe he doesnt think its professional to be so chatty or maybe seiji isnt used to being able to geek out on fencing talk, but by the seems of it seijis a huge nerd. in only over an hour you see seiji completely comfortable with nicholas in dicussion, something before this you dont see from seiji at all.

my other example right now (i could talk abt this for hours) is THIS RIGHT HERE.

its made a point originally that seiji likes to spend his time alone, including meals. this shifts in Vol. 5 when we see seiji eating with nicholas, bobby and dante after he spent all morning training with seiji.

its not just the fact that seiji ate with nicholas, its been established well enough thus far that nicholas is someone seijis comfortable with and is comfortable friends with. he's seen content with but also interested in the other people joining them, even engaging in what bobby was going to say after he got nervous.

later on we're given a scene where seiji is happily eating in the group during camp, which is what really stood out to me.

seiji has grown a lot since being friends with nicholas, maybe not in his fencing (yet) but hes become comfortable with people, and maybe its just when nicholas is there, theres nothing to say for sure as of right now but its important growth.

even in the bathroom scene when seiji has his breakdown and nicholas went in, he was completeply unwilling to "show weakness" and just belittled nicholas.

now when nicholas goes to comfort him, after something that bothered seiji more than anything up to this point, we seen him engage in playful banter, enjoying nicholas' company over being alone and acting as his earlier self would likely have called childish.

this growth means so much to me and i cannot stop thinking about it. anyways.

#fence #fence comic #seiji katayama #nicholas cox #i hope this makes sense #THEYRE SO SOULMATES #slowburns are so painful

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sirgogington · 10 months

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Mending a Broken Friendship

AKA: in an alternate universe where Quackity apologizes to Dream at La Velada, and time proving that his intentions were genuine and not a publicity thing. (This isnt great but I wish so badly that they could have worked it out, so here's a writing where they do.)

The D-Team had been invited to La Velada, and were excited to meet some of the Spanish content creators. They also knew while they were there, there would be someone else who they did not necessarily want to see. Quackity. It had been a little over 2 months since fans of Quackity had put the lives of the Dream Team in danger through threats and doxing. Through it all Quackity remained silent, even after Dream had attempted to reach out to him a few times.

Dream remembered all the good times him, George, and Sapnap had, had with Quackity. Long nights spent on Jackbox, laughing, and roasting each other. It had seemed so genuine. What happened?

Yes, they had both had almost the exact same idea with creating a multilingual Minecraft Server. But they were adults, they could talk it through. Communicate their thoughts to each other, except Quackity wouldn't. And even through all of it deep down Dream wanted to be able to forgive Quackity and be friends again. He even talked it through with George and Sapnap who were not excited about the idea after seeing how much Dream had gone through.

"I think I should at least try and talk to him, since we'll be at the same place. What's the worst that could happen?" Dream tried to reason.

"You were literally doxed and sent death threats...Dream, and you're asking what's the worst thing that could happen?" Sapnap yelled.

"I still care about him." Dream admitted.

"Well stop, he doesn't care about us Dream!" George replied with a scoff.

"Okay fine." Dream agreed. "I won't try and talk to him."

Sapnap and George sighed in relief.

He really wasn't going to talk to Quackity....but then Quackity unexpectedly approached him at La Velada.

Quackity had never been good with confrontation, but valued his and Dream's friendship enough to try and fix things, way too late. He watched as the Dream Team walked together, and finally gathered up the confidence to approach them. He cleared his throat in order to get their attention, and was met with glares from George and Sapnap. Dream was wearing his mask so Quackity had no idea what emotions he was hiding behind the mask. Sapnap and George's glares terrified him. He knew they would do anything to fight for Dream, but he had come this far.

"Hey." He started. "I think we need to talk." Quackity started with a slight frown.

Before Dream could reply George stepped in between them, and answered with a simple, "No."

Sapnap also chimed in with: "You had time to fucking talk to him, he gave you multiple chances, but now it's too fucking late."

Quackity looked up at Dream's mask with pleading eyes,

"I really am so fucking sorry, and it took me way too long to figure it out, and I've been such an asshole, but I realize now what Ive been missing out on....and I want to make it right!"

George continued to glare at him in response.

"And what have you been missing out on? You think it might be a better business move to be friends with us again? It's all about fucking business to you. How can I get the most views?" George was furious at this point.

Dream attempted to talk again but was shut down immediately by Sapnap.

"He doesn't value friendship as much as you, he threw us away when we no longer benefitted him, and he'll do it again. It's all fake.

"Let me try and prove it to you....if I can't you never have to acknowledge my existence again." Quackity pleaded again, tears forming in his eyes.

George just looked at him in disbelief and shook his head. "Leave...."

So that's what he did he left, knowing it was no use to try and argue anymore. He would still try and make it up to them somehow, but decided to give them their space.

Being who Dream was he felt bad. He felt bad even when the other person was clearly the guilty one.

"Maybe we should have let him try?" Dream wondered out loud after Quackity had walked away.

"Its not worth it, bro, he's not worth it." Sapnap answered while putting a hand on Dream's shoulder.

Quackity still attempted to make things right. He decided his friendship with Dream and the rest of the content creators was more important then his job so he made the risky decision to leave his life of fame behind. He had stepped on other creators to rise higher in fame and views, and it was evil, and he didn't want it, since it had been acquired through these means. He announced he would be full time studying in law school and shutting down the QSMP. He would also delete his YouTube channel, and other social media. It was a bit sad to have stopped following his dreams in order to better his life, and he would miss the luxuries Living a famous life would hold. But he had fucked up and he was trying to patch things up.

Months passed, and Quackity had gotten used to living a pretty average life. It was kind of freeing in a way. Not always thinking of ways to impress fans or getting bombarded. Dream hadn't even reached out, but he hadn't expected him to. They had probably seen this as a dramatic publicity stunt to make him feel bad. After Quackity had not returned to social media even months later, they figured he might have actually been serious. He ended up getting a text out of the blue from Dream.

Dream: Hey...I was thinking of you. I really miss your content. Congratulations on working on finishing your schooling though. If you're not too busy I was thinking we could combine our ideas for the Minecraft servers and create the QUSMP.

And that's how they became friends again. They worked together to create the best Minecraft survival server ever, and Quackity made sure that most of the profit off the server would be going to Dream. He didn't want to have to fight against Dream. It took awhile for the fans to warm up to the idea of Quackity being partially back in the creator world, but as time proved that Quackity had genuine intentions, a good majority accepted him back.

#quackity #georgenotfound #dreamwastaken #sapnap #fanfiction #Au

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toaster-hair · 2 years

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i try my BEST not to let fandom get in my way of how i view ships bc i always see ships in a non canonical way. so if you want you can fold a ship into whatever way you want whether its aus, fix it fics, or whatever. i especially try not to let the popularity of a ship get in the way of how much i like a ship, im very fond of rarepairs and crackships but i dont consider myself someone who cant bring themselves to like popular ships or even brags about liking.. ANYTHING that isnt mainstream

but there comes a POINT where when ALL of the content you see for a character youre fond of is ABOUT A SINGLE SHIP that you start hating the ship and maybe even the other character involved. it hurts even more when its a ship you fell out of love with.

yes, im talking soudam AGAIN bc kazuichi has rotted my brain so badly that i feel like i cant even go a single day without thinking of him, AND I BARELY EVEN INTERACT W/ THE DR FANDOM ANYMORE. one of my ocs was just a genderbent au i made of him that looked distinct enough i just took it and ran. thats how bad it is. (tbh i do just like the color pink and... sharp.. teeth.. so thats probably why. hes pathetic too which just makes it x2 as good)

look, i dont think that ppl who ship soudam are inherently bad ppl. i dont really care about what ppl ship as long as theyre 1) not shipping real ppl and 2) not shoving it in other peoples faces. and i dont see any soudam shippers directly doing that. i was a soudam shipper, and honestly, i can see why ppl ship it. its an interesting dynamic.

bbbutt.. i dont ship it! i personally dont care for it anymore, or even just general dr stuff. i should probably get into dr stuff more sense i feel like other than skullgirls and cookie run, im a bit lost when it comes to fandoms nowadays. but i still really like kazuichi and, by extension, sonia and their ship sounia. so every now and then i look for content abt them whether its for comfort or horniness, or just bc i want to. and a big theme i see is soudam. everywhere. its not unbareable especially on a site like tumblr where i can block certain tags and words. but even with that blocking, soudam can still clog it up meaning its harder for me to find content i like.

its even worse when some of that content is intentionally made to spam tags. an example would be what happened on instagram a while back, im not sure if that many other people noticed it, where ppl would spam dr ship tags with things such as “hey ur ship sucks xoxo”, feet, and in the worst case scenario, gore and self harm.

its even worse (take a sip everytime i say that) when you bring in stuff like antis and proshippers which, IS A CAN OF WORMS I DO NOT WANT TO GO INTO. i dont use either label, i hate antis but i really fucking hate proshippers. which is why i dont like ppl labeling all sounia shippers as proshippers because.. no. no i am not. you cant dictate what side someone is on in a silly shipping war based of a single thing they like. i know damn well there are sounia shippers who are proship, anti, somewhere in the middle, and the same can be said abt soudam shippers. which is why i hate how soudam shippers are seen as morally good and sounia shippers are seen as gross. i just wanna see some pathetic lil guy try and fail to woo a girl, i dont wanna argue about what ship is superior. neither are illegal, so they are both equal.

in conclusion; there are and will be a lot of soudam shippers. i dont care. i just want to be left alone, but soudam is hard to ignore. dont try to call any soudam shippers poopyheads, lets all just try to be nice and respect one another. sorry if this seems like a hate rant, because it is. i am frustrated. didnt mean for this to become an 8 paragraph essay, but thats just what happened.

#dr salt #danganronpa salt #hopefully i can get this off my mind now ugghh #toaster-hair

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pixicunt · 3 years

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ACE- extended cut

You all really wanted a part 2 BUT this isnt for everyone because there IS MXM content. Seokjin Fucks his puppy so if you aint into the mxm this aint for you and i know you love dom Tae but i gotta feed my puppy Tae agenda

Seokjin x Tae, Tae x reader

Wordcount:

Warnings: Face sitting (oral sex female receiving) , anal sex (male receiving), restraints, noncon filming, lots of crying, orgasm denial, mindbreak

You don't know how long it had been, all you knew was that the pulse between your legs was unbearable as you watch Seokjin fuck into Taehyung. flipped on his back, crying out in pain as his ass rubs against the sheets. cock ring tightly secured around his base and legs hitched over Seokjins shoulders as he uses him.

The boy begs through the gagged piece of fabric, hands bound with red rope as he feels Seokjin split him open, his hole having been trained to take the large length over the last few months. Seokjins fingers tugging at his now purple cock in slow strokes, crooked fingers coming to play with the head. cooing as he ruts his hips into the almost nonexistent touch.

He thinks he much prefers to be muzzled like a dog then whatever this torture was, hand pulling away when Seokjin thought he was about to cum just to laugh at the boy who wined under the soaked gag. "you really do sound like a dog Tae, too bad you cant follow orders like one"

You watch Seokjin deny his orgasm again and your heart tugs a little, the puppy sounded so broken, tears falling down the side of his temple as he rocked with each thrust

"are you going to let puppy cum princess or are you going to continue to be a brat" your mouth dries as Taehyung turns to look at you, teary eyes begging you to let him cum. If you told Seokjin what happened he would just punish Taehyung harder but the way his eyes were screaming at you to let him cum you dont think it matters anymore.

Seokjin moves to pull the gag from his mouth, keeping his pace as the sound of wet skin and Taehyung gasping for air bounces off the walls,

"please" the words come out broken with each rock of hips, eye flickering to Seokjin then back to you as his head falls further into the pillow, teeth clenching like a real dog as he feels the thick length in his stomach

"gonna breed you pup, fuck you full of cum again and again, never let you touch y/n again how does that sound" Taehyung lifts his head to watch the cock sink into him, his grunts turning almost feral for how long he had been edged.

"what do you want pup"

Taehyung turns to you again, your body slumped in the chair with a hand between your legs but a shameless look of guilt on your face, tears falling in beautifully sliding down your cheeks.

He just wanted to taste you again, so many sleepless night with Seokjins words ringing in his ear about just how good you taste, how your cunt was better then water. how he would leave Taehyung tied to the bed, his in rooms tv switched on as he had a perfect view of Seokjin going down on you, his eyes finding the camera every now and again as you lift your hips to chase his tongue, grip tight on the pillow as you bite into your teddy.

He wondered if you knew about the cameras but it left his mind when he watches you cum around Seokjins mouth , hips thrashing to get away from the constant lapping at your folds as pixelated tears prick your eyes.

He needed that so badly, wanted it badly enough to coerce you into unlocking his door, your cries of protests as he forced you down into his pillow, ass up as he licks you from behind. you looked so breedable, Cuming around his mouth more then once, loosing track of time before the door opened and he was ripped from your body.

just a dumb puppy but was it really his fault.

Seokjin fucked him deeper, moan getting caught in his throat. he had tried to fight Seokjin for so long but being a puppy wasn't so bad, didn't want to be edged like this again so he will be good.

"come here princess, sit on puppy's face and let him make you feel good" you spring to your feet wasting no time positioning yourself above the puppy boy. sweaty curls in his eyes as they glaze over looking up to you.

the collar around his neck gleaming with sweat under the light. "msorry puppy" you lower yourself onto his mouth, he wastes no time lapping at you, pink tongue delving into your walls and around your clit. you rest your hands on the hedboard to keep yourself up

"i-its to much"

seokjin keeps you there with a strong hand as Taehyungs tongue works on you, he makes an effort to untie the rope from the puppys hands and watches with fascination as a growl is ripped from the boys throat, his hands taking hold of your wrists and pushing you down further on his tongue.

"if you want to cum then tell daddy what happened or ill keep puppy like this and neither of you will cum"

tears spring to your eyes as you recount todays earlier happening, you told him how puppy scratched at the door begging for you to help him, how he forced you to the bed and made you cum so many times even when you told him not to, how good his tongue felt when he slowed down with your hips secured to the bed, how much you wish daddy was there to see it

"good girl, now cum"

Taehyungs tongue never stopped working on your , his vibrations of pleasure leaving you breathless as you finally cum, Seokjin pushing into Taehyung at a brutal pace, releasing the ring over his cock as the boy finally cums. Seokjin filling him full.

the puppy's words and cries muffled into your folds driving you into oversensitivity as you try to pull away

After that day Taehyung never went another day without your cunt on his mouth, it could be anytime during the day.

seated on daddys lap watching a movie when puppy comes up between your legs from the floor, licking quietly as seokjin holds you against him

In the mornings when you try to eat breakfast only to be surprised by a lapping tongue over your panties

Sometimes if puppy was good daddy would let him fuck you, hard and fast into the plush mattress, hands secured in a tight grip as daddy pats his hair.

you were finally a family

(to lazy to write it but having thoughts of feral pup Tae forcing himself inside of Seokjin out of spite for not touching him or letting him touch you for a week because of his bad behavior, sneaking into his room while his owner was asleep, Seokjin panicking and kicking but Taehyung was stronger, fucking the older man roughly into his bed violently just to chase his own high, Jin cuming untouched and humiliated. then he calls in brat tamer Hoseok and yea Tae would be so very sorry. hobi owns bun koo and you get to play with the shy bunny while Tae gets whats good for him sdjhdghjghj)

#taegi #taegi smut #taehyung smut #taehyung x reader #seokjin x reader #bts yandere #seokjin yandere #bts smut

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literaila · 3 years

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always, kitchen floor

loki x gn! reader

summary/request: reader is tony’s sibing, they’ve had a fight with him. loki just happens to be there... and again, a while later.

content warning: alcohol, fighting, sibling things, murder.

so you weren’t expecting the crash.

so you weren’t exactly the picture of grace on the floor.

so you weren’t supposed to be in here.

it’s not like he knew that. but what he did know was that as soon as he bashed into the room, you were falling towards the floor.

the small chuckle you could hear from behind the cabinet did not soothe any anger you were feeling. it was just digging itself a deeper hole in your chest, just making itself a home while whoever had scared you laughed along. it might’ve made you angrier.

“it’s alright,” an unrecognizable voice said, low and sour. someone was moving around. you didn’t even attempt to get up off the floor. you didn't care.

“i’ve been told i have that effect,”

an audible sigh from you made the movement stop.

you closed your eyes, rapped your head against the floor softly. this was only one of the many things you couldn't deal with right now. a human interaction, a conversation. an effort. maybe you’d drunk a bit too much, maybe this was a dream.

you really didn’t want to get up. you were hoping for a hallucination. anything non-real.

“do i know you?” you croak out instead of crying. at least, if you’re going to die, you’ll get to know who killed you. at least, if you have to do this now, you can call the bastard by their name.

“probably,” the voice sings out. perfect.

probably.

you stop your head, squeeze your eyes until they sting. you’re not sure why you’re not supposed to be in here again, but maybe it has something to do with this.

meeting perfect strangers you probably know.

“do you have a name?” you croak— again —your patience gone from every trace of your body. your effort extinguished from the fire that is building in your chest. the fire that's been there a while.

“the god of mischief.”

you sit up. only a little. just enough to lean your head towards the voice.

it’s not like you were expecting that response.

“excuse me?” you say in your half-deflated, half surprised voice. your neck is straining from the glance you’re trying to get at the voice, but you keep attempting to lift your head

the footsteps start again, and it’s only a moment before the person comes into view.

before you see them, you hear the bells ringing in your head. this isn’t your house, this isn’t their house. you don’t know this person, and you’re acting completely sane.

it’s honestly not that bad of a situation.

it only takes one more pinch of your ligaments for your eyes to meet their face.

for your brain to touch them with all the memories you have.

probably.

yeah, well, probably was right.

maybe you’re starstruck for a moment, maybe your eyes widen, and maybe you’re staring at this giant person in front of you for way too long.

it doesn’t matter, because in what seems like a second to you, you lay back down. close your eyes.

“i’ve seen you on the news,” you say, a nonchalant mention, a passing sentence.

you were wrong, then. an alien interaction.

the god of mischief— actually, if the news anchor from earlier had anything to say about it —is standing right next to you. right next to your practically dead body, and you don’t move an inch.

you’re sure you can feel his eyes on you, but you don’t check. who cares, anyway? hes going to kill you soon.

“have you?” he asks, an annoying disruption to your wallowing.

you grunt, don’t say anything else.

it’d be nice not to die in your own home. at least then no one will have to clean up any blood. they can sell the apartment again. it’d be nice to watch your brother's face as a ghost when he realizes. it’d be nice to get your revenge in the form of a bloodstain on the hardwood. it's a terrible thought that almost fills you with glee.

loki, who moves past you, opening cabinets and carrying around a ridiculous scepter (?) does not turn to look at you when he asks

“you’re not supposed to be here, are you?”

your snort is nothing more than a yes. is it really that obvious? i mean, yes, you look pretty bad, but that shouldn’t indicate to him that you’re in the wrong place.

he shouldn’t know that already.

“what makes you say that?”

loki puts down the bottle he’d been messing with, some expensive thing your brother would kill him for touching. not that you’re going to tell him that, you don't really mind. he turns and bangs his scepter against the ground, not completely on accident. “this countertop is engraved ‘tony stark’”

you roll your eyes, but he doesn’t notice.

“and, from what i’ve seen on the news” he teases the unfamiliar word around his lips “you aren’t him”

“ha,” you say, voice void of any emotion. it must really be that obvious, even to a god who has only been on earth for a few days and has never met you before. even to you, who’s been trying to catch up to tony for so long. “you’ve got me,”

you grab the bottle you have next to you, the bottle you’ve been cradling all night in your hands like its some childhood blanket you dont want to let go of, and take a sip. its hard on the floor, and that fact is maybe the only thing that could actually convince you to sit up at this moment.

so you do, and you look loki straight in the eyes while taking another sip.

theres still half a bottle left, you dont really need to slow down.

loki looks amused, looks so much less threatening than you would’ve thought after watching him get a group of well over a hundred people to kneel before him. so much less threatening without his words to back him up. or maybe, thats what makes him a villain.

he looks kind of cute.

“can i help you?” you say then, looking him in the eyes, bottle in hand. its your best impression of a salesperson, but he doesn't know that. hes just a god, after all, hes just a murder, definitely.

“actually yes,” he moves towards you, scepter banging, his voice a slow river. “i was looking for someone-”

“if its tony, you’re fresh out of luck, mr. mischief,” you sigh and stand up, pretending not to notice the substantial difference in heights between the two of you. “it would seem i’ve run him off,” you pause, take a sip, hold your finger up in a gesture for him to wait. “must’ve been my ceaseless charm.”

loki doesnt say anything, just watches you with irritating eyes and waits for you to take another drink. you do, but not because of him. you’re thirsty, obviously.

you hate that hes already predicting your movements, you hate that he looks so calm. you hate that if you werent still in your right mind you would probably tackle him without a moments notice.

still, you watch him anyway. this isnt scary. nothing is scary right now, not even the prospect of death and the murderer in the room. not when you’ve just been left alone in this stupid building while tony runs off to do something else.

not when your voice still hurts from screaming at him.

“when will he be back?” loki asks, interrupting your thoughts and looking you up and down. any other day, you might’ve taken it as a compliment, might’ve smiled at him.

“never, if i had anything to say about it.”

loki doesnt hesitate. “you seem awfully angry for such an angelic-looking person,”

you snort, turn around to go searching through the cupboards again. “and you seem awfully murdery for a god,”

“you’d be surprised,” he moves forward, leans his scepter against a chair, and continues to watch you. something about this, something about him is easing that feeling in your chest. the annoyance is almost gone, you know, if it werent for the fact that hes still certainly going to kill you.

you know that he’d brainwashed other people, maybe thats what was happening now.

you grunt instead of answer and grab a glass. its strange, this need you feel to keep him from murdering you. loki watches with curious eyes as you poor some of your bottle in the glass, then offer it to him.

in fact, his eyes almost bludge out of his head as soon as you lift it towards him.

“you’re giving this to me?”

you smirk instead of scoffing, as a peace offering. “is it really that obvious?”

he doesnt acknowledge the snide but takes the glass with careful hands. maybe he thinks humans have murderous cups. maybe hes just very untrusting. it doesnt matter, it makes you smile anyway.

you grab the bottle, now more than half gone, and take a sip as loki thinks deeply about this drink you’ve given him. at least he isnt asking you why you’re angry anymore.

“is it good?” he asks while staring at the contents of the glass.

“you could just try it, you know.”

he quirks a brow. sets the glass down on the counter. takes a step back. “how do i know you havent poisoned it?”

you set your bottle down, lean your hands on the counter, and lean closer to him in a challenge. “you, quite literally, just watched me pour it.”

loki considers this, tilts his head, and then steps forward and takes the glass. you laugh when he sniffs at it, but watch with hopeful eyes as he finally takes a sip.

then promptly gags.

“humans are disgusting creatures,” he says while gagging, moving far away from the glass.

“and thats why you’ve come to conquer us, right?” you’re still smirking, still sipping, and still wondering what the hell this god is doing here.

“think of it as a favor,” hes wincing, opening his mouth in what looks like an effort to get the taste out of his mouth. but still, he doesnt threaten you, doesnt curse you out, doesnt accuse you of poisoning him again. but then, he looks up. “in return, you might tell me where stark is?”

there. thats it. no threatening, no murdering, no accusation. but still, he just wants something. your brother, of course.

whats different from usual?

“i dont know,” you answer, smile gone, moving away. you make sure to take the bottle with you, wherever you turn to go. wherever you want to run away to.

you dont know, you’re not sure. this place is so big, and all of it is a prison you’ll never actually leave. the curse of blood relations.

loki though, stops you before you can even attempt to leave, before you can make your escape before you start sobbing to this god who isnt even here for you.

really, you should be thankful, really, you shouldnt care this much. really, you should’ve left ten minutes ago. you’re not even supposed to be here.

the thought fills you with dread. effort, effort and pain.

“you dont know?” he asks, doubtful. as if he knows you, as if he can already tell you’re lying. you scoff, then scoff again. damn the god of mischief, and damn your brother. arrogance does not look good on anyone.

you try to push past him, shaking your head with hurt eyes that arent really for him. you try to move forward, but hes so much bigger than you, and hes got the upper hand. he knows you wont try to murder him, no matter what he wants to do to everyone on earth.

“you are related to him, are you not?” another question, another shot of fuel to the fire that you thought had burned out. to the flame inside of you that doesnt seem to leave.

“i dont like that you know that,” you say it softly, much softer than you mean to, and without noticing take a step back. put up the walls, so to say. get away from this alien that knows more about you than you do him. guard yourself before you actually get hurt.

dont give him yet another reason to yell at you.

“its not hard to guess. you have...erm” he pauses, looking small, looking more nervous, looking anything but godly. “the same mannerisms. and you talk a bit like each other.”

you frown. dammit.

“also, the way you talk of him reminds me of my brother.”

you look up then, look up and see this god, this alien, this murderer that you dont even know. is he drunk now? you wouldnt have thought him to be such a light-weight.

“okay...” maybe you’re weirded out, or maybe you’re tired, but you try to move away from him anyway. this is effort, and you dont need it.

“you really dont know?” loki says, before moving out of your way. he sighs, looks defeated now. you’re not lying, but something in you kind of wants you to be. just so he’ll leave you alone, of course. just for some peace.

just so he stops frowning at the floor. god, you dont even know him.

and you, you just dont understand. hes the villain, hes evil, so why is he looking so innocent? why arent you scared of him? why havent you run in terror yet?

maybe you’re about to ask something, but loki moves first. he steps back, or forward, and grabs the glass you gave him, again. takes another sip. he doesnt gag this time, doesnt change his expression at all.

“i thought you hated it?” you ask, shocked by this small thing, hurt still, by his words. maybe by his defeated look.

loki sighs, smirks, does something with his face you cant comprehend. “its better with disappointment.”

now its your turn to sigh. you cant leave this alien alone in tony’s kitchen. that’d be rude, plus, curiosity is human.

its not his fault, really, that he needs to murder your brother.

you go back, back to the counter, back to the floor, back to loki with his sad eyes and your bottle. you just go back, sitting down on the floor, where you were when he came in, and waiting for him to join you.

it doesn’t take long, you can feel his cool from the five feet of distance between the two of you.

its a moment before you ask. “do you really need my brother? i can probably call him.” an olive branch, so to say.

loki laughs, chortles, something. maybe you’re feeling the effects of the alcohol now. he doesnt speak for a moment, just looks around, observing the room once again. you look with him, wait for his answer, hope its “no”.

“no, not really.” he pauses, sighs. “well, yes. but, you seem very opposed to seeing him, so i’m guessing talking isnt on the table?”

“you’d be right,” you take another sip, give him a smile you dont really mean.

you’re not even sure why you’re here now. this is surreal. this is stupid of you. its in the name.

“is he really as bad as he seems?” loki asks, tracing something on the floor. maybe gods are similar to humans, because you think you’ve seen this somewhere else.

you laugh, though, anyway, and forget everything. “not really. hes sort of a good person, he just.. doesnt come off well.” to say the least.

never has. never liked you much in the first place, but you have memories of him gifting you toys when you were kids. you have laughs, smiles. you had a family, once upon a time.

you dont tell loki that though, you have enough sense not to.

“i wonder if my brother would say the same thing about me?”

and something about the way he says it, something about his face, about his words on the news, all of it. all of it reminds you of where you are, reminds you of who you are, and who you’re trying so hard not to be.

emotionally compromised, you’re sure. this is a stupid thing to be doing.

“well, you were going to murder me.” its a joke, but its better than what you wanted to say. its better than the truth you want to tell to this stranger you’ve just met. this god who feels peaceful somehow, behind all the terror.

loki scoffs, so you know its okay, so you know you havent said the wrong thing yet. you know you havent gone insane, not yet, not now.

“i would never murder someone so beautiful,”

and maybe its the alcohol, maybe its your fight with your brother, maybe its loki’s kind words, maybe its everything. maybe you really are insane. maybe you’re angry enough for this to seem okay. maybe you’re stronger than you think, than tony thinks, to be here. maybe it’ll turn out okay.

it doesnt matter, because the next thing you say, changes lots of things.

“i guess you’re not so bad.”

“i’m old enough-”

“you’re a child.”

“tony, you dont get to decide whats best for me! in case you forgot, you’re only my brother. not my dad, he already died-”

“in case you forgot, i’m in charge. you’re the most irresponsible, reckless person, and you’re not leaving here until i say so.”

“you dont just get to decide-”

“you will stay here. try not to mess anything else up.”

2 years later.

the hallway is cold while you speed through it.

you’re not actually moving that fast, but everyone else insists on keeping the air conditioning on at all times, so even the slightest of movements invites the goosebumps to attack your arms.

maybe you’ll complain some more about it today. its a trivial thing you care about. it matters.

what else matters? well, theres a meeting-- one you’re late to, who cares? theres a meeting and you were supposed to be there over a half an hour ago.

but, to be fair, you were sleeping, everyone knows you were sleeping-- what else do you do during the days when they dont invite you anywhere? so why, honestly, would they schedule a meeting for now? why would they expect you to be awake?

why are you so goddamn late.

these are the irritating thoughts that get you moving faster to the conference room. these are the things you can think about while you prepare your excuse out loud, and hope that no one is listening.

and these are the thoughts that you’re thinking as you crash through the door.

literally.

“oops,” you mutter before looking up. this is normal for you, but, you could’ve picked a better time to fall on the floor, or any other time rather. you’re already in enough trouble as is, you dont need the shame on top of that.

it takes a moment, but your eyes glance forward, cautious. they scan the windows, the chairs you can barely see, and hesitantly, they look at the people sitting in them.

tony, of course, is the first one you see. head of the table as usual. arrogant and staring at you like only a brother can.

and then, with one more tilt of your head, you see someone else. you see him, sitting next to thor, next to all of these people who are staring at you-- most of them with amusement, all of them with amusement. you see him.

hes here.

but, you... you thought? you cant even get up-- now. because now you’re on the floor, and now those memories are flooding back and now, oh god, your brother is coming over to you and you’re still on the floor.

this is ridiculous, this is impossible, and this is so so embarrassing.

“loki,” tony starts as he reaches a hand out to you, throwing you a glance that is completely rude and not necessary. “this is y/n, our clumsiest avenger.” you’re sure you can hear him mutter something after that, and judging by the snickers across the room, you’re guessing it wasnt good. none of this is good.

as soon as you’re standing next to him, you elbow him. small enough no one could see. he deserves it, and honestly, you need it. at least, you can get this shock, these pricks of pain on your heart, out somehow.

“sorry,” you say, maybe to everyone, maybe to yourself. but you’re still looking at him, and hes still looking at you. you cant stop staring, cant stop, wont stop.

you wonder if hes thinking the same thing you are. if he remembers like you do.

loki stands then, presence of a god, smile of a bastard, lips that you’re sure you recognize. is this the same person? the same god of mischief? is this him? really?

“hi, loki, lovely to meet you.”

and, hes definitely got to be kidding you. hes definetly got to be joking, right now.

you dont reach out to grab his hand, you dont move away from tony, and you dont even try to hide the glare from your eyes. you dont even attempt to make an effort.

really? i mean, really? hes going to just..

okay, fine. fine. breathe, smile, breathe, yell.

theres nothing you want more than to scream at him, in so many ways, for so many reasons.

“yes, sorry, i dont shake hands. just bodies.”

theres a chorus of clearing throats across the room. you pretend not to notice. instead, you smile at loki, pretend to also not to notice the threatening eyes tony is trying to throw you. pretend, again and again, that you dont know who this is.

loki’s hand slowly falls, and he glances toward his brother worriedly, but even that couldnt annoy you more than his face does at this moment.

“i’ll let you decide how, my prince.” you snide, smile, hate.

and then, you walk to your sit and promtly sit down. you dont bother to look up from where your glance has landed on the floor.

and you remain like that for the rest of the meeting. its fine, you’ve already missed half of it anyway.

who cares?

“no, but really, where’d you get that?”

“its asgardian,” loki leans forward, teasing you with his raised eyebrows.

“i want it. how much?” you lean forward as well, completely serious. alcohol be damned, his scepter will be yours. you’re not one to kid.

“you cant bargain with me, tiny human. you have nothing i want.”

“im sure i could think of a few things... you dont even know how to be a proper villain!” you exclaim with a smirk of your own “you’re gonna want money when you’re thrown in jail.”

“ill just take it off of you when i’ve decided im bored and offed you. plus, i’m a prince. and a god. i dont need money for anything.”

“ha! like i could ever bore you. you seem awfully interested in me, prince loki.”

you’re both closer, faces inches apart. really, its just the alcohol talking, but still.

you’re smiling pretty big.

you’re not sure how you got here again. how you ended up on this floor, in this kitchen, with this bottle, with these thoughts. not sure, but still. you cant really bring yourself to care too much.

at least your throat doesnt hurt this time. at least you’re older, smarter, and most definitely not drunk. at least its not exactly the same.

it takes more than that, now. it takes more than anything to make you angry, now. it takes a lot more to push you over the edge. you’ve grown, at least, in that aspect.

but, you’ve been thinking of this for two years, you’ve been watching and waiting with hopeful eyes and this... this just isnt it. this isnt the dream, this isnt anything like what you’ve wanted.

you’re still brainwashed and you’re still angry. you’ve been on the edge of the cliff for years now.

it doesnt take much to fall off.

you dont even know why, why you’re here, why this is happening, and its making it worse.

you havent even seen him in two years, so why do you care so much if he wants to pretend that you’ve never met? you havent so much as spoken of him in two years, so why does it matter now that hes here? why is it so significant that he doesnt seem to care?

you’re a fool. immature, idiotic. you’ve known this, you know this. you could’ve mentioned it every time you sat with hopeful eyes when an alien showed up, when a certain god of a certain storm appeared and you thought that maybe this time, he might’ve taken someone with him.

you could’ve told yourself this every time you thought of him, every day you’ve thought of that night. you’re ridiculous, hopeless, and drunk.

you’re drunk now, and you were drunk then. so why does it matter this much?

you’re drunk.

and really, this time you really arent expecting it when he walks in.

its different from last time, different because you were already on the floor. different because now you’re mad at him, and because now for some reason you cant even explain, you know that its him. you can feel him from across the room.

and this time, you’ve drunk a lot more. you’ve downed more than half a bottle, and you’re angrier. you’re happier, but so mad.

still, his quiet “hello” into the kitchen leaves your flame sparking. the lights are on, so he knows someone is in here. he knows you’re in here.

you’re not going to answer though, why would you?

he doesnt repeat it, but his footsteps are clear, not accompanied with the banging of a gold scepter this time, no horns in sight. this is different, but you know exactly whats happening. you know exactly how he looks, now.

these two years have felt like nothing, these two years of making up with your brother, of dreams of a certain god’s lips, of hoping that one day he might appear again, all of it means nothing now. there are too many memories, and you have known you’re insane for years.

the footsteps stop again, and you know this time, hes waititng for you to answer.

you’re drunk. that explains this feeling. you’re drunk now, you were drunk then. loki should leave because you really dont have the energy for fake pleasantries.

“can i help you?” you ask, and try and breathe while you wait. you’re different now.

“actually yes,” he says and its quiet.

it leaves your stomach aching.

“i’m looking for someone,”

“no! never, i will never ever-”

“technically, you just did,”

“i hate you.”

loki laughs, throws his head back in a motion that is unnecessarily attractive to you. “you dont even know me, darling.”

“i can hear your thoughts, actually.”

you’ve been leaning on him for maybe the past five minutes. you’ve been sharing this second bottle for the last half an hour. somehow, it tastes better when he’s put his lips on it.

“is this a human trait i’m unaware of?” he sounds so serious you giggle.

“no, just me. you picked the wrong person to drink with,”

“and what am i thinking about now, then, since you can hear it?”

you turn to him, you turn and theres something different in your eyes.

“exactly what i’m thinking,” you whisper, staring down, staring at him in the same way hes staring at you.

what are you thinking of? well, thats simple.

“fresh out of luck, prince. theres no one here.”

your voice is quiet, your head is pounding, but you cant have a hangover already. you cant be sick now, in this moment.

its not pounding because of that, and you cant even pretend.

its dark outstide, which you know, considering that its the middle of the night and you shouldnt even be awake. you shouldnt even be in here, considering tony banned you from stealing from his cabinets. considering, you’ve been here before. considering, all of it.

arent you only supposed to make the same mistake once?

“really?” he asks in an amused voice you recognize. hes closer now, you can feel it. you can hear it, the goosebumps are all over you. the buzzing started minutes ago.

you lay down, on the floor, breathing in and out, feeling your stomach clench with every step he takes. this is ridiculous, you should be asleep, he should be on a different planet.

“its late. go to bed, loki.” your voice is still quiet, but theres a warning in it.

“i have a vague inkling that you arent strict with bedtime,”

his voice is stupid, you’re stupid. why are you just sitting on the floor?

“no, but i am strict about lying. in that, i hate it. go away.”

maybe he wasnt expecting the sharpness in your voice, or for you to be laying on the floor. but his eyes when he stands over you, his eyes are almost how you remember them.

“did you brainwash me?”

you’re breathless. you cant breathe. and you cant be drunk now, because you never want to forget this, you never want him to move away.

he tastes alien, he tastes different than anything you’ve ever tasted before, and you just cant stop.

you lean in again, let your mouth be filled with the sweet cold of his. hes cooling you down in only the best kind of way.

“not yet,” he says, he says and lets his hands roam across your hips, across your skin in a completely tantalizing way. you cant be drunk now, because you’d never feel like this if you were.

you’re both breathless. you both cant breathe.

“are you going to?”

another kiss, another moment, another taste. you want to smile, but that would require you to move away from him, and you just cant do that.

“i dont need to,” he says, he promises. he smiles, and its evil. evil in how much it stops your heart. this cant be happening. “you’ve been dreaming of this.”

you’re sure, he knows something you dont. hes done something to you, but you cant complain.

you really can’t stop.

“are you upset?” he asks. its nothing he would’ve said before, its not a question that would’ve crossed his mind two years ago. this isnt him.

you dont know how you know that, but you do. you know. you’ve met him before, and you’ve known him since then. in case he forgot.

you laugh at the thought, laugh and laugh. you’re drunk. “is that sympathy i detect in the god of mischief’s voice?” you ask, and laugh.

maybe he’ll leave just because you’re laughing so much. wouldnt that be nice? wouldnt that break your heart again, off you for good, finally?

“well, you’re definitely intoxicated.” its sarcastic, its serious, and it makes your blood boil. who is he to judge you? who is he to say anything to you? to be here now, and expect you to answer questions?

you sit up, stare at him for too long, and then your face is a scowl hotter than the sun. you hope hes terrified, but you feel so small. you hope hes terrified, but you know hes not. how could he be, when you’re sure you look like a mess, worse than last time?

“you would know a lot about that, wouldnt you loki? considering you were so drunk that you’ve forgotten all about me?” its rhetorical, its cruel, and it makes his eyes falter the tiniest bit.

this. this is what you dont need. this is an emotion you never want to feel again, because you’re tired of the anger. you’ve been living it all your life, and you’e tired of it. but maybe thats what drew loki to you, maybe thats what he likes best. maybe thats why hes still standing in front of you.

maybe thats what makes him a bad guy.

he doesnt answer, and so you continue. you continue and you should just stop speaking. “excuse me, your highness, but i really just want to be alone right now. so, if you wouldnt mind, i’ve already claimed the kitchen floor.” you laugh, gesture somewhere you dont know. “tony has plenty of other spaces for you to infiltrate.”

you think maybe its enough. you think hes going to leave, you think you’ll get to be alone for the rest of the night, maybe drink enough to forget that you ever met him, but then hes still standing there. he doesnt move an inch.

you dont know what hes still doing here. you can see the light reflecting on his face, you can see his blank eyes, you cant see anything in him that you want anymore. of course, except everything.

“loki,” you groan and stand up. you set the bottle on the counter next to you, and cross your arms. waiting. for anything, for everything.

“i didnt forget you, and i wasn’t drunk.”

oh, really? you scoff, scoff and take another sip before answering.

“well, thats lovely for you, but-”

“i was trying to be considerate, in case you didnt want your brother to know we’d already met.”

some part of you, one you left behind two years ago when you woke up all alone, some part of you thinks thats sweet. some part of you wants to smile just because he said it. some part of you.

the other part, just wants to scream.

“well, thanks loki, but ‘considerate’ would’ve been, maybe, not leaving me to wake up alone in the morning.”

really, its time for bed now, so, promptly, you try to past him, you try and try and.

you’re back in the past again. goddamn, him.

“we shouldnt be-” you gasp before you can finish. you gasp and loki laughs against your skin. “this is a kitchen-”

“there are worse places,” he promises in an awfully smooth voice, a voice you think you’ve maybe been dreaming of for years, a voice you want to drink. you’re intoxicated, and its not the alcohol.

“loki, i’m drunk, you’re drunk.”

“i am not drunk,”

“okay, mr. god, but this is still a kitchen.”

he smiles up at you, kisses your skn again.

“shh,” he says.

you gasp again.

“..i had to leave. i didnt think it would...” he stops, stares at you for a moment before looking down. hes standng in front of you, not letting you move, not letting you think. “i didnt think it would worry you. i’m terribly sorry,”

it sounds sincere, but then again, so did his promises before.

“okay, loki.” you relent, you sigh, you take a step back and smile at him. none of it is real. “cool, thats nice. i’ll be going to bed now-”

“i’ve wanted to see you for two years,”

your mouth drops open. your eyes buldge, and you almost want to smack him. this, this is really all grand.

this is so unfair. this is a cruel reminder you never wanted. this is a nightmare, come true.

“i’m drunk. i’m leaving,”

but again, he stops you, he stops you and you dont know why. why he wont just let you go, why he sought you out tonight, why this matters, why you care.

why you got so goddamn attached to him that night, why you’d felt like a new person when you woke up the next morning and he was gone.

you take a breath in. you smile again, you push down the flames burning at your throat. “we can both forget it, if you’d prefer. i promise i wont tell anyone, and we can just move on.”

the words, the words you’re trying to offer him as a method of peace, those words, they send loki away from you. they make his face shift, they make him move back.

he looks angry now. he looks how you feel.

“you want to forget it?” he asks, even though you just said it, even though you’ve already answered that question. even though, he knows what you meant.

you arent slurring your words.

“i just want to...” you cant finish that sentence though, and instead you nod. its enough, it doesnt take effort and its nothing special. it’s the truth, so, he’ll have to accept it.

you’ll go to bed now, you’ll forget that you’ve wanted to talk to him, that you still want to kiss him now. you’ll forget, and so will he.

it will be easy. nothing more than a piece of cake.

“i’m sorry,” he whispers later, later when you cant remember your name, when you’ve remembered that you still havent even told him.

“for what?”

he kisses your neck instead of answering.

‘you’re beautiful,” he says, you cant breathe, and hes still speaking. “i didn’t tell you before,” he breathes in and you can feel it in your stomach, can feel that sweet swirling deep inside. “i’m sorry”

“don’t worry about it..”

its late now, too late. you dont want to go to sleep. you never want to fall asleep again, not when you’ve just..

not with him.

the kitchen floor is awfully comfortable. your eyes are falling, faster than you want them to.

“just want to what?” hes not hearing the words, and no matter what you might’ve said, you cant read his mind.

“loki,” its another warning, because hes moving closer, because you can feel him again, because you still remember how he tastes. because that buzzing, the buzzing you’ve felt for so long, its digging itself deeper into your skin.

“i dont want to forget,” he saiys, and no matter how much you want to believe it, it just sounds like another empty promise. sounds like something you’ve already heard.

its not enough, but its just want you want. what you want is just there..

“i was drunk that night, i was sick. i was...”

angry is the word you’re thinking of, but his lips are the ones you can feel. but his smile is the one you want, but his eyes, but his face, but his skin.

his lips, his face, his skin, his touch. its been in your mind since then. its been glued to your thoughts. its stuck, and you want to peel it off.

you arent supposed to be here, you arent supposed to be in this room, you arent supposed to be drinking this liquor, and you arent supposed to kiss him.

you’ve gone insane for sure now. you aren’t supposed to do this.

and so, you do.

you’re on the floor when you wake up. your head is pounding, your eyes are glued shut, but somehow they’re open.

you dont remember where you are, you dont remember why you’re here.

but you do remember... loki. loki, murderer, god, thief. he was here, you’re in the kitchen.

his eyes, his lips, his peace, his lips, his skin, oh god.

he was here.

you look, you look around, you feel the pain in your body, you feel the anger piling up, you feel the ache in your neck, you feel it all and you look around.

hes gone. he is.

your head is pounding and hes gone. you cant remember why.

masterlist here.

#loki imagine #loki spoilers #loki x you #loki #loki x gender neutral reader #loki x gn!reader #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader #loki layfeyson x reader #loki layfeyson x you #loki layfeyson imagine #loki laufeyson #marvel fanfic #loki (marvel)

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fluffi · 3 years

Text

SARCOLINE SUNSET I: WELCOME HOME, OUTSIDER :: SOOBIN

pairing: soobin x gn!reader, platonic!ot5 x gn!reader genre: fluff, some subjective angst, bits of humor, enemies-to-lovers, childhood friends word count: 4002 event: #summerscape for @kpopscape credit: @enha-woodzies for making the gfx for this series! show her some love <3 author’s note: i accidentally deleted this post so here is a rushed reupload. it might not be as good as the original because it isnt proof read as well but i still hope the algorithm picks it up, maybe this’ll be good for the post. Also, the second part will be coming out in 15 days. warnings: people disappearing, mentions of burning and fire (further warnings will be released in the next parts as the story gets darker)

THIS STORY IS PURELY A WORK OF FICTION AND DOES NOT DICTATE JAY OR NI-KI’S PERSONAL LIVES AND/OR FAMILY.

part two ->

The blonde stared up at an intricately designed structure in awe, walking forward to touch the sides of it and running his calloused hands up and down its rusted carved wedges. It seemed oddly cliche and unrealistic, but he could feel its story. Every touch of the ceramic pillar provided him with emotion that he couldn’t bring himself to explain.

The sun hadn’t set yet, but he could make out the faint reflection of it settling in the background. The huge pine trees around him were making conversation with each other; their faint whispers and rustles providing peace to his veins.

So entranced in the scenery of such a mystical place, he forgot to watch out for his younger peer. Kicking back into his senses, he nervously called out, “Riki! You there?” His voice, usually strong and boisterous, laced fear today.

“Don’t worry about me Jay, I’m right behind you. Just climbing this fence..and..there!” Riki let out a grunt as he jumped onto the soft grass, looking at his older friend with an innocent grin.

At the sight of his buddy, Jay visibly loosened. It was clear that he didn’t feel safe in this environment, yet felt entranced to it in some way. Riki caught up to him in a quick jog before standing next to Jay, in awe at the magnificent view that they were spectating for the first and possibly last time.

“Is this…the place you were talking about?” Riki was out of breath from running after his peer. He pats the grassy patch below him before slumping onto it, crossing his legs afterward.

Jay took a seat next to him, setting his canvas satchel and leather jacket next to him. “According to the maps and books, this is the right spot. I just want to see if the myth is true.”

Riki clapped his hands in excitement and turned to face Jay. “We’re staying till the sun sets right? I want to see what the carousel looks like at night! This structure is so fascinating. It must be beautiful out here at night.”

“No, we’re walking back as soon as the sun goes down. I do not want to risk being out here at night. People have disappeared from staying too long and I wouldn’t want to worry your mother.”

Riki visibly slumped and turned back in time to see the last drop of orange dip. It was quiet for a while. The singing birds stopped humming their soulful tunes, yet the whispering trees grew louder, their inaudible gossip echoing in the ears of the two boys.

At nine at night, Riki’s mother would call Jay, heeding no response. She would do the same for his parents and his friends. The only piece of information they could provide was that Jay had brought Riki, in his words, to “a magical place”. With no other vital details they could draw from their son’s peers, Jay and Riki’s family agree to call the local police, reporting two missing people: two minors, one last seen in a brown leather jacket, and a taller one tailing alongside him. Both their hairs were dyed in a striking shade of blonde.

Summer’s heat-blasted onto your skin as soon as you stepped out of your sleek white Toyota. It was good to be back, you supposed. Although it was something that not many people would fawn over, you were ecstatic to be home in town.

Leaving at the mere age of sixteen wasn’t easy. After your parents decided that you were too good for a mediocre high school where people cared more about their body count than grade count, they immediately sent you off to a prestigious boarding school in the big city. You were given three days to pack and say goodbye to your friends, the rest of your family, your world. As excited as you were to study in the evolutionary epicenter of technology, you didn’t like how you had almost no say in this decision.

You didn’t return home from high school even after four years of studying at that mentally draining institution. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to come back, you were just so accustomed to life in the big city that it seemed pointless to return to square one. With the rest of the world finally in your grip (or so you thought), you enrolled in a highly expensive university and received a full-ride scholarship.

Perhaps that was your breaking point. Piles of work that could never be cleared must’ve got to your head. No one out there seemed to care about your mental health and well-being. The only reason you were allowed to take a break from the university and return was because of your constant breakdowns that your lecturers called “distracting” and “unethical”. You were hoping that this drop-by in town would give you a physical and mental cleanse.

There was no place as hot as home, from where you had been. The blazing sun scorched onto the road. Carrying baggage by itself was already hard enough, but this heat was immensely torturing. You struggled to carry your belongings while trying to close the car boot at the same time. Oh, a pity. You had just returned home and you were slowly turning into a bundle of disorganization, unlike your previous methodical attitude.

“Need a hand?” A familiar suede voice behind your shoulder sounded like music to your ears as you dropped all of your luggage and turned back to see…

“Taehyun!” Child best friend number one. You were looking at a once-innocent boy with doe eyes who had matured into a fine young man. His hair was dyed platinum blonde and, although younger than you, possessed a flair that was completely unlike his past self. His facial features were more prominent than ever and you wondered if all of your friends had developed as well as he had.

You locked your arms around his neck and embraced him as he took your baggage from you.

“You’re so tall now!” You gasped in awe and looked him up and down.

“Of course I am! A boy has to grow, doesn’t he?”

Speak of the devil(s), four people tagged behind Taehyun, waiting for you to notice their presence. All of them were just as tall (if not taller) than your blonde friend and stood out like a sore thumb. It wasn’t just the height, their hair was also in very...exciting colors.

“Can’t believe you forgot about us just for Taehyun.” Ah, that nasal voice was so recognizable. Choi Yeonjun, second-best friend. You cherished him like he was your secret weapon, a power waiting to be unleashed into your industrial world. Although older than Taehyun, they seemed to be the same height now. You couldn’t tell because his new neon pink hair was waxed slick and puffy which made him look a teensy bit taller than his younger friend. You had seen him around on social media and he was a hair-changing chameleon.

Alongside Yeonjun was Hueningkai, better known as Kai in the friend group. He was the youngest one, constantly babied and spoiled, you could say. He was probably influenced by the rest of his friends too, his hair now in a mossy shade of blonde.

Poor Yeonjun, you completely disregarded his existence and dashed over to Kai instead, eagerly standing next to him to compare heights. The kid had grown so much, you couldn’t tell if you were contented that he was now taller than you or dejected that you had missed so much when you weren’t around.

“Hey, wait up!” Someone from behind called. With Hueningkai and Yeonjun blocking your view you couldn’t see who that one person walking next to Choi Beomgyu was.

Beomgyu, the last friend who joined the friend group. He was always a comedian and never failed to make your day. Although, he didn’t seem so smiley anymore. You figured that it was school stress and adulting getting the best of him. We all had those days; you regrettably knew them like you knew the back of your hand . Unlike the rest of his friends, Beomgyu’s hair was kept in a natural shade of ivory brown. He had never been swayed by the rest of the crowd.

There were so many things to do, so many people to see. You had missed out on most of your growing: having fun with friends, staying up late at night just to watch the stars, dancing on your balcony. You had missed the people too. The town felt different from when you had left it.

“Soobin! Don’t just stand behind, meet our friend! They just returned from the city, right?” Beomgyu ran over to you before giving you a little squeeze.

Who’s Soobin?

“Hey, I’m Choi Soobin. Twenty-one this year. I moved here a few years ago. You must have left before I showed up.” A simple and concise introduction from the blue-haired man. Maybe he was the root of this hair-dyeing trend in town (pun very much intended), as well as the height trend since he was just as tall, if not taller than the rest of the boys.

You briefly introduced yourself but that was about it. You didn’t know how to create small talk, nonetheless with someone completely unfamiliar to you.

Later that day, you wondered if he had replaced you, become another guardian in the friend group. As one of the oldest, you and Yeonjun were always known as the parents of your three “kids”, but Soobin seemed to take care of them equally well. Throughout the day, you watched his every action, how he helped Beomgyu with homework, how he styled Kai’s hair, how he treated Taehyun to his favorite meal, exactly like what you did when you were still around. For once, you felt like the outsider.

Marshmallow Night had always been a tradition here. It was a five-of-you kind of thing, well, the six-of-you now. It had always been the go-to celebration whenever one of you hit a milestone, or was just held for fun. The days of joy where the only thing you had to worry about was whether your smores were burnt.

It had changed a lot over the years, you guys would add some new events to it and remove the ones you guys outgrew, like hopscotch.

You had missed most of its evolution.

Instead of being the main catalyst for today’s event, you resorted to sitting at the side as Soobin took the lead, carrying tables back and forth as well as setting up the fire in a method that the five of you had never used.

Oh, how much you loathed him. You hated his innocent-looking face that spurred out words of authority and boastfulness. You couldn’t stand how he looked so obnoxious with his bright blue hair, his dark brown eyes that held an impeccable gleam. He looked so cheeky, so mean, and worst of all, he had made all of your friends convert to mini spawns of him. Even Yeonjun, the oldest member, no longer felt like the Choi Yeonjun you once knew.

If you could, you would throw him out of your hometown, except that you seemed to be the outsider here. Anyone who walked past would see five people sitting on a huge log, helping each other light marshmallows and biscuits. They would barely notice the one person hunched over on the other side, sitting on the ground, eyes dazed and uninterested.

Occasionally one of the boys would call out to you, either hand you a s’more or ask if you were alright, to which you responded, “I’m alright! Don’t worry about me, I’m having fun.”

Anyone could also see that you weren’t in the zone, but you didn’t want to ruin the moment and be a party pooper. You ended up spending most of the time scrolling on your phone, checking school emails, and such. It didn’t feel like you were back home, it felt like you were on a vacation, on your own.

The commotion had died down, for the most part. Everyone else was either discussing school gossip in hushed voices or making the most of use of their electronic device. You were tempted to join the little heated conversation that Soobin and Beomgyu were having, but you didn’t know who this ‘Chaeyeon’ girl was and either way, you wouldn’t want to voluntarily speak to Choi Soobin.

It wasn’t long before both of them went to do something else, the only sound prevalent being the wood crackling from the bonfire and the occasional chirp of evening birds.

It was a loud, sucked-in breath that drew the attention of everyone, eyes pinned onto the instigator.

Choi Soobin, once again disrupting the peace of this curated environment. He ducked his head in apology and you were about to return to your world when Kai’s curiosity got the best of him.

“Why did you just do that?” His booming voice resounded over everyone else.

You weren’t going to lie, you were curious too. It wasn’t every day you heard a gasp like that.

Soobin looked back up, eyes wide and awake. He was excited about something but seemed to be masking it for the sake of..suspense?

“Okay. You guys know Yongsam Park right?” He put his phone down and tapped his hands on his thighs in a state of urgency.

Now that statement got everyone’s attention. “It’s the flower place outside our town, everyone passes it when they enter. Of course we would know where the place is. Why are you so adamant about it?” Taehyun inquired.

“Well, have any of you gone inside the park? Or near the landmark in general?”

“No. Why would we? There’s nothing to do there than to take pictures of boring flower statues.” You stated.

“See. You guys don’t know anything about the place.” He smirked tilting his head upwards and proudly crossing his arms.

“Could you cut to the chase and tell us what it is already?” Thank Yeonjun for his smart, impatient mouth.

Soobin didn’t answer and merely flipped his phone so you could see whatever was on it. The only words you could make out were “Yongsam...missing...carnival” and something related to the park before he turned it back, away from your view.

“You can’t just say that we don’t know anything about this place then proceed to give us nothing about it.” You rolled your eyes, disinterested in the conversation once again.

“Fine. I’ll send it to you.” Soobin rolled his eyes back as four of the other boys snickered. They loved seeing the two of you bicker.

In courtesy of Beomgyu who gave Soobin your number (without your consent), you received a news article and skimmed through it with eager eyes:

[WHAT’S THE HYBE?]

YONGSAM PARK CURRENTLY UNDER INVESTIGATION, AUTHORITIES SAY 3 days ago

What’s the deal with Yongsam Park? Insiders say that, although bland and boring, Yongsam Park is currently under high-level investigation for the disappearance of a few citizens. The flower-decorated park is the perfect place to take Instagram-worthy pictures and is quite harmless in itself, so visitors were shocked to arrive at the park only to find it surrounded by heaps of yellow tape.

Yongsam Park was developed by Kim Yongsam, director of My Flowers, a multi-million florist franchise that has now spread to Japan and Taiwan. In a 2015 Interview with the millionaire, he mentioned that he had created the park in the inspiration of the rising ootd picture trend, also known as the outfit-of-the-day trend, which he had initially discovered from his teen daughter.

“I wanted to create a welcoming park for people of all ages, but I couldn’t find a suitable place to do it without the budget being drastically high. In the end, my team and I found an abandoned site and decided to build a simple structure with lower costs up there. Props to my team for the discovery of this landmark. The scenery there, especially in the evening, is stunning .” He stated in the 2015 interview with Soup Magazine.

What’s the abandoned site? With the evidence that is still standing, Yongsam Park is rumored to have previously been a carnival. Said evidence is a worn-down carousel in the back of the park, along with piles of other burnt carnival decoration and equipment. With research, Yongsam Park’s site may have once been an abandoned carnival that perished from an unknown wildfire. This may have been the primary cause of the drought that ensued in the 80s, leaving only a carousel and ashes behind. When questioned, Mr. Kim said that he had decided to leave the carousel standing behind the park due because he felt ‘drawn by its alluring glow’, as quoted.

Investigators and the local police have only enclosed the flower section of Yongsam Park because that was where the victims were spotted. They believe that disappearances took place there and are currently trying to find evidence to back up their stance. Most of this new information is not known to the public, however, Kim and his team are trying to keep it that way. The current disappearance count is seven people, the most recent case being two high-schoolers.

The carousel is still open and does not require a visitor ticket, but visitors are advised to take precautions and leave before the sun sets.

TWO MORE BOYS HAVE DISAPPEARED AT THE NOW INFAMOUS YONGSAM PARK 5 days ago

FAMILY OF TOURISTS DISAPPEAR AT YONGSAM PARK, INSIDERS SAY THIS IS THE SECOND CASE OF DISAPPEARANCE HERE 2 weeks ago

JAPANESE COUPLE DISAPPEAR AT FLOWER PARK, NETIZENS CALL THE NEWS A POLITICAL DISTRACTION 3 weeks ago

“Are you seriously...telling us...that we should visit a place where people have been kidnapped?” Yeonjun gawked. “Dude, that’s so stupid. What if we die or something?”

“Don’t say that! I was just curious if you guys wanted to go since it’s so near and since your old friend is back home.”

“It’s a dumb move. I’m not risking my life just so I can celebrate the return of my friend. Not worth it.” Beomgyu huffed.

“Hey! You’re worth it, right?” Soobin glanced at you, waiting for a response.

He was...defending you? His ulterior motives were questionable and you weren’t sure if he was protecting you because he cared about you (cue the puking) or solely because he wanted to go to Yongsam Park that bad.

You didn’t reply and chose to drown out the wailing and chaos that ensued with your friends. You clicked on a related article below, curious to learn more about this lesser-known part of the park.

[WHAT’S THE HYBE?]

TWO MORE BOYS HAVE DISAPPEARED AT THE NOW INFAMOUS YONGSAM PARK 5 days ago

Park Jongseong (20) and Nishimura Riki (15) mentioned to their friends that they would be heading to ‘a magical place’, before disappearing for around a week. They were last spotted walking through Yongsam Park, according to anonymous witnesses. This is the third case of disappearances at the park and both teens are the sixth and seventh people to go missing.

Both families reported their children missing just two days after their disappearance. With this case being the last straw, local authorities forcibly shut down Yongsam Park despite protests from staff and management.

Parents of the two minors refused to respond when called for an interview and HYBE reporters resorted to interviewing the victims’ friends instead.

“Jay’s never been a bad kid. Yeah, he might be late here and there, but he wouldn’t skip class or fly across the country for vacation during school. I just don’t understand why he’s not here with us. He wouldn’t voluntarily disappear.” Park Sunghoon (19), a friend and classmate of Jongseong (who is better known as Jay among his friends) said.

“Although I’m not close with Jay, I know Riki personally and I know for a fact that both of them wouldn’t run away like that. Why, Riki was gearing up for a dance competition that he’s been excited about all year, and now he’s just gone? Like that? Riki has always been like my little brother, and he’ll always be. I just want him back at my side.” A teary-eyed Lee Heeseung (20) says.

Netizens have been complaining about the lack of coverage on this issue.

“Maybe Mr. Kim spent all his money on covering this story up from the mainstream public. That’s why he had to build the stupid park on an abandoned sketchy site.” An anonymous netizen commented.

Regardless, we’ll be keeping our prayers for Jongseong and Riki, as well as the five other victims, to return home soon.

“...you guys are such wimps.” That was the first thing you heard Soobin say when you tuned in to the conversation again.

How dare he say that? How dare he have the courage to call you, someone who moved out on your own at 16 to live in the big, scary world, a..wimp?

“Look, Choi Soobin. I may be a lot of things, but I’m not a wimp. I didn’t say that I wasn’t interested on this trip.” You stand up and blurt out without thinking twice.

The rest of the boys are gawking at you, their mouths open wide in awe and shock. Yes, you weren’t a wimp, that was for sure, but they had known you all their life as someone who could not stand going out into the wilderness. Maybe the big city had really changed you.

“At least someone wants to go! Perfect. We can leave tomorrow at noon, bring your camping stuff!” Soobin grabbed his things and began walking away.

“Camping?” The five of you exclaimed in unison.

Taehyun, the rational member, gasped. “I, personally, wouldn’t mind going to the carousel thing..or whatever it is, but I am not staying the night. Dude, are you nuts?” The rest of you nodded your heads in agreement.

“It says in the article that we are advised to leave before the sun sets.” You point out, trying to keep your voice as steady as possible in fear of breaking this mask of false confidence, when in reality, you were terrified of this place.

Soobin turned back and eyed you down disinterestedly. “Conclusion is that we’ll bring a small backpack, or whatever you guys want to pack, and we’ll stay there until eight. Deal?”

“Seven.” Hueningkai timidly said.

“Whatever you guys want.”

You hadn’t been able to sleep last night. It wasn’t due to fear of the place you were going, rather, you weren’t too excited about having to spend half of your day around Soobin.

What were you going to say to him? You were definitely overthinking at this point.

You know, they always say that the person one hates the most is the one that they also love most. And when Soobin flipped his blue hair back or cheekily smiled, showing his endearing dimples, you couldn’t help but…

No! You loathe Choi Soobin. You couldn’t stand his smile, or his hair, or his height. That evil moonwitch.

“Hey, you ready to go?” Speak of the devil (or moonwitch), you spotted a fluff of blue hair in your peripheral vision.

You couldn’t even muster up the courage to look back at him, merely nodding your head while staring at the white wall.

“Why aren’t you looking at me? Are you...scared?” You could see him wiggle his eyebrows as he made that statement.

That was it. You turned back at him. “Yes I am. I’m absolute terrified. I can’t stand the fact that I have to forcibly spend my precious time around you. It’s like I’m about to voluntarily live a nightmare.”

Woah there, calm down. You had smoke spurting out of your ears at this point.

Soobin’s once excited face fell into one of disappointment. “Yeah, it’s a nightmare having to be around you too. Gosh, the immaturity.” He left the room in haste as your eyes shot lasers through his well-toned back.

Maybe you had gone too far with the insult. He hadn’t been mean to you at all, really.

Then again, he had been mean. He took your place when you weren’t around. Suddenly, you were determined to get it back.

“Hop on the magic school bus!”

“Shut up, Yeonjun.” You deadpanned before leaning your head on his shoulder. The two of you were finally falling back into routine and you couldn’t help but bask in this nostalgia.

You also couldn’t help but notice how Soobin kept on looking through the rearview mirror at the both of you, pupils darting away once you locked eyes with him.

Man, this was going to be a long ride.

2021 © fluffi

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angeloncewas · 3 years

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yeah i totally agree with what you said about satire and schlatt basically taking the easy way out. it seems like since that video he's kinda eased back from doing that shit, either bc the backlash or bc his friends have started verbally calling him out on it, both to his face and through making comments about him on stream (comments as in like saying they dont agree with what he did and saying they thought that video was terrible, not like them shading him or whatever ajsksk) which is good but also i wouldnt be surprised if something like that video happened again just bc like. it is his career and at this point he has to know what his larger fanbase is like to an extent, which means he also knows those terrible fucking jokes will make him money. i dont like that, but im also not gonna sit around and pretend like i cant see the fucking obvious, ya know? from what ive seen of him when he's not putting on a show for his main channel, or when he isnt around people who both encourage and enable his bad behavior (not saying this to shift blame, ive just noticed how he goes from making actually funny jokes that are harmless or, at most, a pretty obvious example of him poking fun at shitty people, at least imo, to like. straight up just being offensive when he's with people like swagger, miz, etc. vs ted, charlie and so on), he seems like a pretty good guy and its pretty clear to me that he doesnt hold the same views as the character he plays up for his main channel but that doesnt change the fact that his audience is now full of the worst kinds of people and that is how he makes money.

as someone who, again, watched idubbbz, as well as filthyfrank, they both stated they were playing characters and they didnt agree with the shit they were joking about, joji especially, but them saying that isnt very well known by even their own fanbase who just watches their main channel stuff, bc the one video where joji made that explicitly clear what he was doing, he later deleted for people harassing him in the comments (it was an old ass video where he basically said that playing those characters was giving him literal health problems, specifically stress induced seizures, and his comments were so bad that he never made an ooc video on his main channel again) and the one video i can think of where ian explicitly said he was playing a character was like an hour long podcast with h3, which most people dont even wanna watch bc it is a painfully uncomfortable one hour, considering the fact that they are supposed to be friends. besides that, the only other time they were really out of character was in vlogs with maxmoefoe, and they still did their offensive bits from time to time bc it was still going up on youtube, even if it wasnt their main channel. compare that to schlatt who has, as far as i know, never explicitly said he's playing a character, and the closest he has gotten to saying that was in some weekly slap video that i cant remember the title of bc all those videos kinda blend together if im being honest. like they definitely show a different, better side of him, but they are also all really short videos with only gameplay to watch and he never even promotes the channel, so its not like the shitty people watching him are like "hm time to take some time out of my day to go watch big man schlatt give people advice and be a genuine person for once", right?

idk. schlatt is just such a weird person for me bc like. he is a big comfort for me, i really do enjoy his content when he's not making bad stabs at satire (bc sometimes he does it right!! but a lot of the time, at least recently, he has just missed the mark entirely, to the point where it feels like he wasnt even trying to hit the mark at all), but he is also so uncomfortable to watch sometimes just bc he seems to either not know where the line is, or thinks crossing it is okay bc its him playing a character and that's not fun to watch as a minority who often ends up being apart of that "punchline".

that aside tho...yes, unfortunately idubbbz does still make content (and i say unfortunately bc it is not very good) though it seems like he is very slow to upload and last i checked, the views arent too great, but ive seen worse. probably the only thing that could bring back his views at this point would be a content cop, but like a year or so back he said he has no plans of continuing the series bc he finds it boring now, which is fair enough. i dont really keep up with him anymore, but as far as i know, he just got married to anisa and he streams on twitch sometimes, besides that the dude is a mystery to me!

—🦷 (also im sorry if this is formatted weird, for whatever reason tumblr has indented each of my paragraphs with one of those grey line thingys and it wont let me remove it. if it doesnt show up in the actual ask then ignore this!)

This is kind of old now (sorry), but I still wanted to respond because I really appreciate your perspective :)

> I always wonder how people not involved in the fandom view Schlatt. Because wasn't there this thing about Hasan genuinely thinking that he was conservative? And like he obviously doesn't now, but does that not impact how he sees him and his content? I don't mean to dictate friendships - of course - I'm just curious as to the impact of having that audience from an outsider pov. I remember being shocked what that thing happened with the pdp fan, but I later found that many people weren't because they knew the nature of the audience he cultivated; maybe I'm just stupid, I had no idea. (Not that Schlatt and pdp are the same, it's just a loose comparison.)

> No one should face harassment, but I doubt Joji deleting that video helped his case. (I mean ig it worked out in the long term considering everything that happened with his music, but yk.) I'm very sorry for the health problems he faced with the characters themselves though. I don't know much about him but that sounds awful.

> I have thoughts on The Weekly Slap, but I think they make me sound bitter and don't add much so just know that they're there ajfdkjdf. I will say that he doesn't seem like "Jschlatt" in them, and moreso just a guy. I know that he quit it for a number of reasons and one of them was not being comfortable with that kind of connection in relation to his increasing fame, but honestly I think his complete dislodgement from his fanbase isn't healthy either.

> I mean, I get it. I've watched a lot of content from a lot of people - ranging from kind of unpleasant to very unsavory - and it's kind of a weird feeling with YouTube and Twitch stuff. Idk it's like - when I go to the grocery store, I'm not wondering if the guy checking my things out is a racist. When I see a commercial, I don't wonder if that guy advertising chicken nuggets is a secret creep. But with content creation of this kind, it's just a weird thought in the back of my mind. I don't know if this makes sense lmao

> Weird that Idubbz finds content cop "boring." I guess the formula is kind of stale and half of the content was the edge, but it seems like the kind of thing that'd be perfect to capitalize off of around now. Cool that he got married... I think. I mean if he's happy ???

> Don't mind the formatting, and sorry to respond like WAY past when this conversation was relevant T_T. I read it right away but the timing got off with actually being able to type stuff out.

#angel answers #long post #discourse #🦷 anon #ask to tag #negative #cc critical #if u like schlattit is #sidjfd

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checkerflats · 3 years

Text

Haven't been on tumblr in a long time. Felt like this was a decent place to write since nobody I know really uses tumblr anymore. I wanted to talk about my journey over the last few years and tumblr feels private enough a place to do so.

I moved to Florida 3 years ago (well as of this upcoming March) and at first life was decent. I tried to acclimate myself, stay healthy, positive, supportive, etc. At some point during that first year, I became incredibly depressed, nervous, anxious, overwhelmed trying to support myself (I did have a good friend group to help me) but down the line I had convinced myself I had a plan and that it was 'my plan, I thought of it' so instead of talking to the people I cared about and loved, I continued to try to do things in my own way.

A belief is a thought you have that you like. My belief was that I was the only one who could tell me what to do. And I never told myself to shut up and listen to people; realize they're saying what they're saying because they care. I became toxically selfish. I started judging my friends and peers opinions, being an asshole, being inconsiderate to everyone around me, unwilling to talk about my issues (and if I did I sounded like a narcissistic twat), etc.

To make a long story short, I resulted to drinking to cope with my overwhelmed thoughts and feelings. This isnt an excuse. It's just what happened. It in no way makes my behavior acceptable. In fact, anyone who knows me and how I act when drinking changes my thinking patterns would attest that it's only ever made anything worse. Even days or weeks without doing so, it affects me on such a negative level that negativity is the only lense through which I view the world and its inhabitants. I become the definition of nihilistic.

This led me to losing my friends, my loved ones, my job, housing, and ultimately respect from others and respect for myself. It was devastating and I did it to myself. After July of 2019 I started to refrain from drinking and honestly believed I had become the best version of myself. I got a new apartment, job, new friends who have still supported me to this day, albeit, upon making these leisurely friends who wanted to be wild, I felt I should--I wanted to participate. It was fun for a minute, and I was sober for about a month or two..

I'd begun to drink with them every now and then, never alone or at home, never two days in a row. I thought I could be a casual drinker. However, these friends and I stopped drinking for the most part, and begun to do a lot of acid (one thing I wouldn't say is neccesarily bad or addictive, in moderation) and a LOT of xanax. I started to learn a whole new meaning of 'fucked up' and went downhill faster than Jack and Jill could even imagine, baby!

By December, a friend and I decided we'd start doing cocaine. Fuck it, right? That got bad quick. It only lasted about 2 months on and off until we realized how crazy it was and that we needed to actually save our money (and sanity) so we stopped. By this point (March/April of 2020) I'd stopped doing everything other than weed. That inevitably led me straight back to drinking. This time it was everyday again, alone, at home, you get the point. When coronavirus hit I lost my job, couldn't find another anywhere therefore couldnt afford rent, was constantly in scary situations for 2 months (drunk), and decided it was best to GTFO and high tail it back to Ohio by May of 2020.

This took me months to realize, but I had so subtly slipped back into mass depression. Being back in Ohio, around triggers and friends who'd grown apart from me, I felt helpless and alone. I began drinking all the time. When I'd wake up, all throughout my shifts at work, at 2 am once the beers I'd had after work were buzzing off.. I was having the worst thoughts and feelings possible that I won't elaborate on because, again, I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses or even manipulating the perception of whoever might read this. I did this to myself. My behavior was absolutley unacceptable. I'd been put on probation for drinking, I'd been arrested for it even once in my own bed sound asleep (lets not go into how corrupt the law enforcement is in Mansfield, OH). The point is I'd broken the law and, regardless of the circumstances, the law is the law and it comes with consequences.

By October of 2020 I'd agreed that the best case of action was to go to a treatment center for addiction. The center was more or less a joke at first until a counselor committed to actually helping us started working there in mid-November. All in all being sober long enough to get back to a focused, rational, kind state of mind has put me in a euphoric state of content more so than any materialistic or temporary feeling that a substance or whatever else could bring me. Real peace is better than fake, self-driven delusion. I got released from the center today (1/13/21).

What I'm trying to get across is that if it wasnt for those who care for me after all the shit I've put them through, if I hadn't accepted I had a problem and my plan wasnt working, I'd still be that other guy. If you give up your ideals and listen to a 'Higher Power', (a 'God', a group of people as in power in numbers, a spiritual intuition that things happen for a reason and you agree you alone can't solve issues the same way you've tried 1000 times over and failed) whatever your view on that is, if you are willing to change and accept support you will be able to find genuine serenity.

That other guy is still in there. I have to continue working my program daily and catch myself if I slip up, be prepared to tell others, make amends (unless that would make things worse) and by all means listen to their advice in order to turn 4 months of sobriety (even from weed, but this is mostly about drinking) into 4 years, and so on. If you read all this (well first off, thank you, like.. golly!) and you are someone who knows me, then I'm sure that's hard to believe because everyone who knows me has heard me say before that 'I am quitting alcohol!' when in all honestly all those same people probably knew damn well I was just trying to convince them rather than myself and even if I did want to stop, I still had a desire to do it. That's where I can finally cut ties and announce that I, personally to myself, no longer have the desire for alcohol. Today. Right now. One day at a time. I despise it. It took my ambitions and spat them in my face along with my kindness, positivity, all my goals and loved ones like they all meant nothing and I am sick and tired of enabling that feeling. The world we live in is full addiction. Eating, technology, fame, money, power, caffeine, nicotone, sugar, sex, drugs, rock and roll--you get it okay? None of those will bring anything of substantial value or genuine joy. Being selfish will bring nothing but suffering. Be kind and loving. Love is salvation.

Once more, if you read all this, you're a saint and I thank you and hope your life, if not already, becomes (and continues to be) positive, peaceful and great. Love yourself, the best and worst. Face fear head on and never give up. Always lend a hand to those who clearly need it and if they turn it away like I did so many times, all you can do is hope and pray they'll get to the point of acceptance someday. I am so grateful for the oppurtunity I had to turn my life around. I am thankful for every single person who's come and gone and the help they offered before and after I actually admitted it was neccessary. I'll try and be of service to others when and where I can. Stay safe, world.

-cone

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everlarkficexchange · 4 years

Text

Everlark Fic Exchange: Masterlist

Springtime Edition (2020).

The King's Mistress by @eiramrelyat

Prompt 9: Katniss is a commoner and peeta is a cruel king. He wants katniss to be his mistress. How will they fall in love is up to you. [submitted by anonymous]

Stay with Me Just for Now by @booksrockmyface

Prompt 10: katniss and peeta are best friends who were in a friends w benefits arrangement in the past. now the hunger for each other is coming back. [submitted by anonymous]

A Quiet Announcement by @albinokittens300

Prompt 11: in panem au where everlark isn’t reaped and peeta knocks up katniss. [submitted by @sunflowerslyf]

Prompt #12: by @endlessnightlock

Prompt 12: katniss walks out of the fitting room wearing only a bikini to ask her friend if it suits her but it isnt her friend at the other side of the door but peeta. [submitted by anonymous]

When You Were Mine by @pitualba2015

Prompt 20: Peeta is the CEO and katniss is his secretary. They have an affair and katniss gets pregnant but when she tells peeta he doesn’t believe her and accuse her of trying to trap him. What will he do when he realize his mistake and how will he win katniss back. [submitted by anonymous]

Two Households by @everlarkandhistory

Prompt 22: Set in early 20th century. Katniss and Peeta are from two rival families who have been enemies since forever. They have a chance meeting which led to them falling in love. They are completely unaware of their identity. Will their love survive or will their relationship crumble. [submitted by @mysteriouslycraftyreview]

Operation: BREAD (Bring Revenge on Everdeen to Avenge Dad) by @alliswell21

Prompt 23: Rumor: MrEverdeen crossed fence dividing Town and Seam, kidnapped Mrs Everdeen making her his commonlaw wife. Years later, Mellark sons plan to avenge their father by raiding Seam and kidnapping one of Everdeens daughters for one of them to take as a wife! Does Katniss “volunteer,” does she escape, how do the 3 brothers decide what to do with her since they didn’t plan it all out well? [submitted by @567inpanem]

lying in the bed we made (if it wasn't us) by @archersandsunsets

Prompt 26: the night before the Quarter Quell, in the sleepless dark, Katniss and Peeta allow themselves to indulge in the bittersweet dream of a future they’ll never have together (“if it wasn’t us, what would you do?” “I’d want to marry you” “tell me”) [submitted by @rosegardeninwinter]

The Proper Response by @madetofly

Prompt 29: Post-MJ, Growing Together. Peeta is finally showing his affection and love for Katniss as they heal and reconnect. Katniss, being Katniss, seems to act like she doesn’t appreciate this, and is less than enthused. Peeta, taking this like an adult, stops showing her with the affection and tries to show her his love in other ways. Katniss, however, does not appreciate him stopping those things and set out to try and get him to continue it again because she misses it. [submitted by @albinokittens300]

All the World's a Stage by @katnissdoesnotfollowback

Prompt 31: “We never see you two so much as kiss in public but last night we all heard you having sex.” Submitted by Buttercupbadass

Misconceptions by @awkwardeverlark

Prompt 35: No reaping AU. At 19, Katniss considers marrying Gale for practical reasons; the fact she just heard the baker’s son toasted and was assigned a house at the edge of town has nothing to do with it... maybe. What happens next? (was Peeta really married or was it his brother? Does she marry Gale? Does Everlark ever talk? Will Peeta cheat if he’s actually married? Can Katniss admit she loves the Boy with the Bread? Is this forbidden love?) is up to you. [submitted by anonymous]

No One's Gonna Need You More by @ambpersand

Prompt 36: Frustrated and stressed out Single dad!Peeta needs a fuck desperately. His best friend, Katniss, unwittingly offers to help him out. Things get murky with repressed feelings, but one thing’s certain, Peeta can’t keep his hands to himself anymore and Katniss is all too willing to oblige at the drop of a hat, regardless of place, time and her own emotions, as long as he keeps whispering all his sexy, filthy thoughts into her ear. [submitted by anonymous]

Vidua by @darkhorse-javert

Prompt 44: Believing that taking a new young bride every 5 years will keep him youthful, Snow arranges to marry wife #12 from D12. In the hours between the ceremony and the wedding night, he drops dead. 16-yr-old Katniss returns to 12 but now she’s “Widow Snow.” Can she ever be Katniss, district huntress again? With all that $, wedding gifts, etc that were sent on the train with her? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Fortune Favors the Brave by @ambpersand

Prompt 46: Pacific Rim inspired AU with drift compatible Everlark (or not if you’re inspired by angst). I really just want to see more of that aspect of Pacific Rim explored than what they did in the movie and what better way to do it than with Everlark! [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Fate Takes a Break by @ally147writes

Prompt 50: everlark discovering on their date that they've missed each other their whole lives (living in the same city, went to the same high school, going to the same halloween and nye parties, were set up before by different friends but stood each other up, shopping at the same store, etc.) [submitted by @sunflowerslyf]

I Choose You by @wendywobbles

Prompt 51: Katniss E, the Valedictorian of Panem High school, is perfect in all fields of life. And that is the crush of awkward, average in studies, not so popular, never had a girlfriend, often bullied Peeta M. Not only does she have a very popular friend circle but also a handsome, popular boyfriend Gale H. Will she even want to be his friend? Is his crush doomed to fail? Eventual Everlark. [submitted by @white-dandelion-seeds]

The Change by @alliswell21

Prompt 59: Growing up Peeta started loving her. It was a gradual thing that happened throughout his childhood and into his teens. But something changes when he hits puberty. Her scent has heightened, he can spot her from miles away. He gets a bit possessive. But the biggest thing is when his body starts to heat up and even just the thought of you gets him hard for days. He finds out the family secret of his werewolf genes, something his parents thought passed him. How can he go by with his day and be with her without scaring her away by humping her because of his heat. [submitted by @animekpopxx]

By The Moonlight Side by @endlessnightlock

Chapter 2

Prompt 61: Peeta knew better, but he did stupid things when he got drunk. Now he’s caged at the animal shelter in his wolf form. And, omg, Katniss Everdeen let her little sister drag her in to see the dogs?! He knows he shouldn’t, but teen hormones. He just wants to lick her hand. Get a tummy rub. Hump her leg. Sleep on her bed. Omg, they take him home!!!! He needs to let his dad know where he is. Omg. He needs to figure out his bakery shift. “God, don’t let Katniss catch me licking my balls.” [submitted by @567inpanem]

Maybe Tomorrow by @katnissdoesnotfollowback

Prompt 62: one night stand!everlark sleeping together the same night a terrible snowstorm hits the city and everything gets shut down with no way to get home. perhaps a two night stand? [submitted by anonymous]

Genesis by @rosegardeninwinter

Prompt 66: Everlark post apocalypse, katniss and peeta are neighbors and the only two that make it to katniss's father's bunker in time. Over the course of several years the two have grown quite close having no one else, but now provisions are running low. Do they face the unknown outside or stay put, knowing they only have food to last another week? [sent by anonymous]

Sunset on Grass by @alliswell21

Prompt 67: Her parents said that it was just a childhood crush and that she will outgrow it. But why does her heart flutters. When she’s finally old enough to get a job, she immediately gets a part time job to be close to him. Will is pursue her love against people’s negative views because he’s so much older than her. Or go for it and make him fall in love with her. Age Gap Older!Peeta. [submitted by @animekpopxx]

A Taste of Rebellion by @acpoe82

Prompt 68: Dark Coffee Shop AU - Capitol Peeta runs a Coffee/Pastry shop in the poshest part of the Capitol. Near by President Snow’s Mansion. Capitol!Katniss is a frequent customer. Things in the Capitol begin to deteriorate as the rebellion drags on. Are they sympathetic to the rebel cause? [submitted by @oakfarmer12]

You're Not Alone by @sunsetsrmydreams

Prompt 70: Peeta picks up a hitchhiker in the mountains one night, only to find it's his childhood best friend and now escaped convict Katniss Everdeen. In a panic he calls police but after hearing her side of the story comes to believe she didn't actually murder anyone. Everlark on the run. [submitted by anonymous]

Forever and a day... by @thegirlfromoverthepond

Prompt 73: I am a simple woman: I just want Katniss Everdeen content and loved and washed in moonlight I don’t care how you do it. [submitted by @rosegardeninwinter]

The Most Unlikely Serendipity by @albinokittens300

PART 2, PART 3, PART 4

Prompt 75: An in-Panem arranged marriage a/u where Katniss is slightly older than Peeta. [submitted by @endlessnightlock]

Shots Make Me Sing by @sunsetsrmydreams

Prompt 81: Katniss finds her soulmate at her bachelorette party (aka Peeta)(Happy ending please) [submitted by anonymous]

when we’re underneath the lights my heart’s no longer broken by @omercilessmoon

Prompt 92: High school musical au: katniss and peeta as troy and Gabriella. [submitted by anonymous]

December nights in June by @viloula

Prompt 110: AU. Everlark live across from each other in fancy New York (or the like) penthouses. With all those large windows, they see each other daily and know the other's routine and all he/she does, but they've never met. A chance meeting occurs. What will happen? The circumstances of their living arrangements/any backstory and what happens between them is up to you. [submitted by @acpoe82]

High Heels at Midnight by @hutchhitched

Prompt 134: Visual Prompt. To see it go HERE [submitted by @javistg]

must work hard, tolerate cats by @mendontprotectyou

Prompt 140: In Panem AU where Peeta is a Mail Order Husband. As the youngest son of a merchant class Capitol family, he has accepted he will never inherit the family bakery. But when his family contract him to an arranged marriage to further the business he will never own, he escapes by signing up to a programme to relocate and marry a district woman. Why Katniss needs a husband, is up to the author. Everlark endgame :) [submitted by @louezem]

Notes:

Fics organized by prompt number.

Masterlist compiled on May 11, 2020. Subject to change. New works will be added as they’re posted to the @everlarkficexchange.

Looking for updated versions of the multi-chapter fics? Try our AO3 Collection

#springtime edition 2020 #masterlist #our fics

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mysterious-masked-man · 4 years

Text

Now what I'm about to tell you sounds outrageous, and might be disturbing, but it's something that happened to me, and even though it was brief, I can't feel at peace until I tell you what's going on.

I'm a big fan of the online animated show, Epithet Erased. As such, I'm a huge peddler of fan content, indulging in other people's edits, fanart, and OCs, and creating my own. I dont share any of it, not with anyone online that I don't know. I am a good editor though, and I get asked to help edit compilations a lot by my friend, who's name I wont tell you for privacy reasons. They've asked me to edit silly little compilations out of raw material they send me, usually just of funny thing their favorite characters say.

This is the reason why I wasn't that perturbed to receive a video file over email from an unknown person. Their email was "[email protected]", and even though it's just a bunch of random letters, I didnt think anything of it. I myself have some weirdly named emails because I like getting free trials of stuff over and over, and I only remembered the name because I copied it to include in a message to said friend, asking if they'd sent someone who needed editing my way. I didnt get a response, but I decided to open the file anyway, just to watch it and see what was up.

It looked like content I'd already seen before, and since the thumbnail was of Sylvie in the museum, I immediately recognized it as the beginning of the 3rd episode. I watched through it, and nothing really stood out. For a moment, I had thought someone really just sent me the third episode as a .MOV file. The battle between Sylvie and Giovanni and Molly began, and everything went on like normal. Right up to the part where Giovanni was batting Molly on the head with a ball of yarn, it was all how it should have been, and I laughed at the joke the same as I always did. Then, Giovanni tossed the yarn, hit it with the bat... and things started to diverge from there.

First off, the ball didnt just bounce off of Sylvie like it did in the original. He flew right off screen, and that's when I had become confused. It had already been edited, it seemed to me, so I became confused as to why it was sent to me.

Giovanni said something like "wow, that worked? I didnt think it would", and I realized I hadn't actually heard that line before, or if I had, the inflection was different. I'm autistic and this is a special interest of mine, so I've watched the whole series over again nearly a million times. I could probably recite the first episode word by word if you asked me. As the dialogue continued, it became more apparent that these were professionally recorded lines from the original voice actors.

I got really excited, thinking or hoping for a moment that it was like, a leak of some first-draft content. I didnt even think about how weird it was that it was just something I'd gotten in an email. I paused the file and tried to exit my editing program to tell my friend, but my computer wouldnt let me exit the program. It's old, so this isnt unusual. I pulled discord up on my phone to tell my friend, and that's when I'd noticed they replied to my message earlier. They told me that they hadn't told anyone my email, and to not open the file, because it was probably a virus.

I told them that I had ended up opening the file, and that it was of epithet erased, but it was different. For a while, they thought I was pulling a prank on them, but I told them it was really well done, and the voice acting was too spot on to be fan made. They *demanded* I send the clip to them when I finished watching it, and I promised them I would.

I continued playing the video, and molly and Giovanni walked over to where Sylvie had fallen over. Molly suddenly became very upset, shouting and crying. Giovanni had to drag her away. The acting was spot on, and I was seriously disturbed. I couldnt imagine what it was that made Molly react like that. Giovanni pulled her out of the room, shushing and cooing at her as she struggled and kept crying. As they left, the camera didnt move, and the music had faded. It stayed at the exact angle for another few minutes. I don't actually know how long, but I couldnt skip forward, even though I tried. Actually, I couldnt view a preview of the video when I hovered my mouse over the bar at the bottom like I usually can. I could move the mouse over the line and see it was still playing, though. I tried to pause it, but for some reason it couldnt pause anymore. I decided since nothing was happening, I could just pull out my phone and text my friend about it.

I told them about all that I had seen so far, and they told me it might have been an original storyline that was just way too dark. Then I asked them why it was sent to me. They said they didnt know. I set my phone down, and looked back up at the computer, then froze.

Because I was staring at my phone, I missed it, but there was a clip of Sylvie on the ground. It was a sprite that was unlike his usual slouch/laying down sprite. This was about the time I knew something really fucked up was going on.

The ball of yarn had lodged itself into sylvie's eye. I could see the glass had broken, and the yarn ball was seriously deep in his face. Glass stuck out of his eye socket and his cheek, and blood dripped down his face, pooling down the sides. His head was also tipped back a little, and with the blood seeping into his hair and up his head, the back of his head must've split open, too. There was a dragging mark down the wall, and the origin point was a huge red splatter where he probably got thrown into the wall.

The sprite wasn't static like they normally are. Sylvie shivered and his chest would rise and fall with his shaky breath. I was honestly grossed out by how far this had gone, but it was like I couldnt stop watching. I knew it wouldnt pause anyway. I was too scared to message my friend, because I thought it might change again.

It might have gone on for another minute, just Sylvie breathing and bleeding, until he just stopped. There was no sudden flail, no cough or sputter, he just stopped breathing, and there was no more shuddering. After he stopped, it only took a few seconds for things to start happening. The flames started up again, like they did when he used nightmare fuel on molly, and the fire alarm went off. It cut right to Mera panicking about the fire alarm, and hitting indus with a crowbar.

I was so jarred by how this became normal again, I actually didnt believe it had happened for a second. I didnt believe they would just... kill a character like that. I didnt know what was going on.

Things didnt stay the same though. Before Mera could even find the amulet, Molly and Giovanni ran into the room. Molly looked shocked to the core, and Giovanni was really panicky. Mera made Indus apprehend them both. Indus went on his whole spiel about barriers, but Giovanni and Molly never finished the punchline. He did eventually trap them, and Mera found the amulet. She admired it, and put it on. As she walked towards Molly, Giovanni tried to escape his containment to stop her, but Molly actually looked more panicked when he called out to her. Mera extended her hand, and lifted Molly up.

The sound cut out for the next few moments, but you could tell a really awful noise alerted all 4 of them, and it must have been loud, because the screen shook. The camera panned over to the entrance, which had been blocked by rubble. The roof caved in, trapping everyone inside of he storage area. The sound returned, and there was audio of molly crying, but her sprite wasn't matched up to that audio. It moved as if she was speaking, and characters would reply, but her crying would be playing over it.

The room filled with white fire, and the fluid animation that usually appears at the end of arcs began. Mera, Indus, Giovanni, and Molly were all silhouetted by the fire, but the focus was on a figure that walked through the flames. It was obviously Sylvie. As he was illuminated though, you could see he was different. It was as if he had been grayscale. His skin was white, the clouds and decoration on his coat and pants that would have been teal were all dark gray, and everything else was varying shades of gray. His hoodie and his glasses, however, were red. One eye was red with a black sclera, and drooped. The other was pure black, and the glass of the glasses were cracked. Blood dripped from that eye, and from his mouth. The back of his hair was adorned with a ring of red.

You remember how I said there was audio of Molly crying overlapping everything else? When sylvie appeared, it stopped for just a second, and then grew more panicked. It was loud enough to drown everything out, and I couldnt hear what anyone else was saying. Molly just sobbed and screamed. There wasn't even any music, just that. Sylvie didnt say anything. He just stood as the flames grew closer to the four.

Indus shouted something, then ran at Sylvie. Before he could reach him, there was a spark of red dust, and he stopped. The back of his head exploded, and he fell forward. Another track of molly crying began playing over the current one. Mera looked around for a quick escape, but I guess she just got too panicked, and she ran right into the flame. She fell down in it, and i could see her silhouette burning and clawing at her skin, which was flaking off in the fire. Yet another track of molly screaming and crying played over the two, and it was beginning to get discordant.

Giovanni brandished his soul slugger doom back, taking a step back. His eyes filled with tears, watching as Sylvie approached. His grip on the bat tightened and it shook as an extension of himself. Giovanni let go of the bat and fell to the floor on his knees.

All the tracks of Molly crying cut off as Sylvie reached down, and picked up the bat. Giovanni bowed his head, and Sylvie threw the bat to Molly. Her eyes full of tears and her gaze averted, she picked up the bat and swung it down hard over Giovanni's head. There were a few frames where the bat collided with the back of his head, but then the screen went black. The audio continued to play. I didnt catch a lot of what was happening, because I began to feel this awful pain in my neck that caught my attention.

At first, it wasnt very specific. It was just an ache at the very top of my spine, like I'd been sitting funny. I heard molly crying again, and crackling fire. Then the pain got worse, and there were police sirens. The last thing I really heard clearly was percival reporting something to her radio, about being at the scene and finding the body of "an adolescent boy" in the museum, which I assumed to be Sylvie. The pain became unbearable - it was like someone was driving a nail into the base of by neck. I closed my eyes. I couldnt see the video anymore, anyway. As I focused on the feeling, I realized it was becoming more specific. My breathing cut short, and at first I thought I was having a panic attack, but it became more apparent that there was a pressure on my neck, like a hand squeezing my throat harder and harder, nails digging into my skin.

I lurched forward and turned my computer off. Once it was off, the feeling vanished, leaving a small ache in my throat. I coughed and wheezed, and the actual panic attack began to set in. I turned my swivel chair, expecting to see someone behind me, since it felt distinctly like I had been choked, but nobody was there. I grabbed my phone and fell onto the couch, hiding under a blanket as I fell deeper into a panic attack.

Once I was calm (or once it was over, anyway), I messages my friend and told them about what happened. They didnt actually believe any of it, and they thought I had been pranking them. I swore up and down that it was real, and I still do, but they demanded proof. So I had to turn my computer back on.

I got the courage to turn it on again about half an hour later. The file was no longer open, because the program closed when I turned my computer off. I tried to open it again, but I got an error box titled "Oops! An error has occured", and the box read "you weren't supposed to see this." When I checked the email again to download it and send it to my friend, I'd gotten a response from Lptnmjngaeprkfl that just read "sorry. That wasnt for you. Don't watch it again okay? I'm so sorry." No matter how many times I tried to message Lptnmjngaeprkfl I never got a response, and every time i downloaded the .mov file, it wouldnt open. If i tried to send it to my friend, it would crash my phone or computer, and the message would never send.

To this day, I'm still not really sure what I saw. I kind of wondered if it was possible for some other people to contact the creator and see if they would respond. I got my friend to message them, but they didnt respond at all. I'm hoping they respond to someone. Please, message [email protected] and tell me what you find out.

#epithet erased #long post #lptnmjngaeprkfl #tw blood #tw gore #tw death #tw fire #tw murder #tw panic attack #tw choking #creepy #sylvie ashling #[email protected]

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come-on-shitty-boys · 3 years

Note

On the using dark content for coping I dont think that posting content that sexualises incest and rape is appropriate to post in a fandom that's aimed towards teens. Theres a difference between using content to cope and calling rape a "kink". People who do this tend to be so proud of the fact that they're problematic, if you want to write that sort of content and it does actually help you, why put it in the main tags for the teen aimed fandom, why post it at all, it triggers more ppl than helps-

ask and discussion of dark content under the cut!!

{cont. . . -sorry for ranting about this but I genuinely despise the fact that this is so normalised in fandoms, there are healthy ways to deal with trauma and there are unhealthy ones, sexualising your trauma isnt a good idea, especially when the damn characters are in a show made for teens!! I cant stress that enough. This isn't a dark show that covers topics like that, its about boys playing volley ball and I hate that shit like Yandere and rape is so common now? Ppl dont even tag it half the time people so far out of their way to defend it! If you take half a second to actually think about what you're doing, surely you'd figure its gross and unhealthy. I see teenagers writing this kind of content too, I used to read this kind of content when I was young cause it was "edgy and problematic and cool". Adults in fandoms sometimes are the worst kind of people, teens look up to popular writing blogs, when they suddenly start writing rape porn or a teen finds in untagged in the HQ tag what then}

No need to apologize 🥺 this is important and it needs to be talked about.

The fact that's being viewed as a "kink" is really disturbing. Non-con was a very common "kink" on people's kinktober masterlists and I just- I didn't get it. There are so many young people in this fandom and young people are impressionable, even if we don't want to admit it. Teens like to pretend like they're more grown up than they really are, but I promise, you're still growing (source: i was a teenager literally a month and a half ago). Hell, I am still growing and that's okay! It's okay to be young!

But yes, that's another thing. If this is for you and it helps you and you recognize that this is harmful (hence why you're writing it as a coping mechanism), why are you subjecting more people to it? Writing about trauma is beneficial and most therapists actually praise it, but it's reached a point where it's not about that anymore. It's being normalized and it scares me that this is something that people are seeing as sexy and attractive because that's how things start to trickle into your actual life if you aren't careful.

people look up to content creators and they do influence us in some way (this isn't exclusive to tumblr, of course. This is applicable to creators on any platform). if you're going to take on a responsibility like this, you cannot be selfish and you have to realize that you affect the people consuming your content.

Dark content can be harmful which is why I keep my blogs free of it. This is a corner of the internet that I hope people can come to whenever they're feeling down or just want to giggle and hang out.

#shitty has mail #anon bby #tw discourse #tw rape #tw incest

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puppetsoftomorrow · 4 years

Note

Why do you think people don't read Avalance anymore? I, for one, do! In fact, I'm like, "there are not enough Avalance fics, I've read pretty much all the fics that I find interesting. More please!"

hmm honestly i mean i only have my numbers to go off of but i’ve noticed a drop? i’m gonna go in deep on my numbers under the cut if ur interested but tldr - 2020, especially in the hiatus, i’ve seen a significant drop ... and i know hits dont make the writer, but extra engagement is just a lot of fun, and i kinda miss it lol

okay So in 2018 i published three fics, one multichap with 11.3k hits, then two one shots with 7.5k and 3.8k hits - this is Way over my normal, and the higher hit count isnt just because they’ve been online longer, because they were getting Big views at the time. this period in 2018 was truly the halycon time for avalance, just as s4 started to air, and we all cashed in lmao

then in 2019 i published six fics, 3 multichap (9.3k, 5.1k, 5k) and three one shots (3.1k,2.8k, 2.6k) - as u can see theres been a drop, but we’re still doing pretty good numbers, probably because s4 was airing and the fandom was a bit more engaged. new content also generally means more fics, which means more ppl coming back more regularly to check the ao3 tag, so it was a good cycle lol

2020 i’ve published four fics (and one gen but gen gets no views anyway so i’m chill with that) - 2 multichap (3.5k and 2.7k) then two oneshots (both significantly under 1k) - despite s5 airing, the numbers are much much lower - i did see a general spike over lockdown over all my fics, but as u can see the viewer drop off is pretty sharp, especially since the hiatus.

and look, i’m producing the same stuff (because i have a very stable writing style and i stay in my comfort zone lmao) so i dont think its like ... i was writing amazing stuff in 2018 and now i’m writing shit stuff. i think the fandoms just ... quieted down, and when a fic does significantly worse than i thought it would its kinda disheartening?? i’m still gonna keep writing what i want to and publishing even with the lower numbers but idkk lol

anyway if u’ve read this far congrats! i take my stats page way too seriously lol

#phoebe lifeblogs #lmao this is just how i feel okay #Anonymous

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pinkvhs · 4 years

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The last thing I will say about this topic (unless more damning information is brought about) is that I personally am not mad at Sean for playing a game that was sex based, I am upset at the lack of research he did about the game and didn’t notice the glaring homophobia/transphobia of it. That he didn’t see that the game clear as day doesn’t like gay/trans people and has walking stereotypes and promotes violence against us. To not catch on and be like “huh, a characters with the last name gay in a place with the word gay and a transphobic depictions of a character..maybe I should stop and not upload this.”

Like I said before, he is a cishet man, so I get that on face level if he played the game and was like “haha funny sex game!” and nothing more, I can get where he coming from. I too would of thought that on the surface if I was in his shoes. He himself didn’t make jokes that where bad at gay/trans people, but he didn’t take the time to look at the game he was playing to upload to the masses. An audience where lgbt people do like him and feel safe with him, only to feel once again a stab in the back. The editor incident kinda echoes this- the lack of research on his part and as a result exposing fans to not so great things that can result in harm, unknowingly to Sean or not. But the one nice thing is for the editor part Sean did listen and realize “yeah, this isn’t good, I’ll cut ties” and admitted he should of done research before hand. Thats why it kinda stings too in this case because when he talks about games, he usually gives some sort of back story about them. Talking about how “this game is made by [ x development team ]” and even details of what he has read about the game.

So with everything over the past few MONTHS just piling on top of each other going from annoying --> bad --> worse, I truly don’t blame people at all for having their trust in Sean shaken up a bit and decide to not watch him if they haven’t already. Again its not like he himself said distasteful jokes about gay/trans people, but its more so uploading a game and him being in a position that exposes development teams to thousands upon millions of people who aren’t ....that great, really fucking stings in the heart to say the least. Even if the team or person who made that game is trans/gay themselves (like I said before, DOUBT), it still wouldn’t be great because trans and gay people do face violence. We do face being viewed as sex hungry violent beings that deserve kicks in the face and punches by cishet people. And a game like that being on a channel with a face that claims to advocate for us and even raises money and has merch to help us out and feel safe, as a gay/trans person, I truly can understand why people are skeptical in Sean due not too distance past ( a few months ago) and now with yesterdays upload.

But then AGAIN the man could not of known about the games intensions and saw it as something as a shock humor game and nothing more. Because he isnt gay/trans so the things that could seem obvious to us (gay/trans people) could of flown over his head. Thats not to give him an excuse and be like “he did nothing wrong uwu” but more so a means to understand why he could of uploaded it instead of just scrapping it.

But people should tell him about it because how else is one to learn if you don’t? If we pretend that everything is fine and that people are over reacting its just going to make people who are hurt by this feel guilt for justified emotions, or make Jack believe that he has nothing to learn and can continue on with what he is doing. People have tried time and time to get his attention about genuine concerns before and the times that people have it just results in him thinking its about a completely different topic (green hair jack), when, in reality, its not. Its people voicing genuine concerns and complaints that have reason. Its not people looking for reasons to hate him and want to see him crash and burn over nothing, even though I am aware there are people like that who do exist.

Sometimes people do step out of line and worry about things that don’t really matter or make assumptions that just aren’t true, but there are cases where people feel genuine distrust and are shaken over the corse of time as to what to believe anymore. I’ve seen people who have watched Jack for years feel uneasy with him and his content and the community itself. More and more I see people talk about it and I myself directly talking to others who don’t even feel safe enough to talk about how they truly feel because they don’t want death threats or things taken out of contents. Thats.....a huge problem. But things don’t get talked about seriously or get brushed off as “hate” or just “people wanting to complain” but that is far from the truth. Then to see Sean like posts that kiss up to him and praise him but fail to even address some basic things that people, not even criticism on him, just genuine questions about things that get glossed over, its not a mystery why people then start to get pissed off and not trust him anymore.

I know there have been issues in the past sure but this has been a build up from August 2019 onwards in my humble opinion. What started off as simple annoyances just grew into something that people do not feel comfortable with anymore. Its just a brew of things that piled up on each others and frankly I do not think the label of “nicest caring community” helped in the long run cause thats kinda a big label to hold up over the years and lets be real here folks no fandom is 100% wholesome there are glaring problems everywhere. Like I enjoy many different things but when ya put a label of the most “kind positive community” on it....yeah thats gonna crash and burn over time.

So yeah like at this point so many people are just tired and are uneasy to say the least at Sean right now and yesterdays video kinda being the one that many people cut ties is very well justified and totally understandable. Like, again, this isn’t people hating on him to hate him if this was MARK for example I myself would feel the same way and Im sure many others would too. Like if Mark uploaded that game instead of Sean I am certain people would feel the same emotions, or at least similar, that they do now cause the game aint good chief. But Im sure people wouldn’t cut ties with Mark because, not to compare, Mark doesn’t have blaring issues that have gotten worse over time and that being the final straw that broke the camels back.

So, yeah, I totally do not blame people at all for wanting to distance themselves. I could go into all details and not just this game incident but I am already typing a paper as it is so I’m just gonna stop for now, just wanted to get some thoughts out of my system.

#.txt

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jiminisjamin · 4 years

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what the hell is wrong with that anon, are they fucking stupid? if they dont like your blog or they are "tiReD" of you posting your personal life/views on YOUR OWN BLOG then they can just fucking unfollow. dont yall know that fic writers are human beings too? jfc fuck off anon. and hey, you can take all the time that you need! you're not some writing machine that produces content without breaks, your health and well being is important too!

HHHH :C <3 <3 you’re all literally too sweet im dflksnfkl crying bc yall are the sweetest ppl ever im :c ily thank you so much for this??? its really hard because as someone who’s actually been writing on tumblr since like 2017 which isnt THAT long but still long enough to get a lot,,, I’ve gotten a lot of like,,, people not understanding or thinking about how I’m an actual person with a life and it’s really draining and just,,, takes all the motivation away because you feel like its all you should be doing but then brings you no joy anymore.

I’m slowly writing more though and I love it again so that’s good fdksnlfn it might just take a while to get back into posting

ty again for this you’re honestly so sweet ilysm

#anon #ask #personal #not a fic

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