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honeybunnybeez · 3 years

Note

If you want to you could write some C! Dream being soft around reader?

Secluded Cabin's and Gentle Touches

♡Pairing: Dream x GN!Reader (with hints of platonic!GN!reader x Tommy and Tubbo)

♡Genre: Fluff

♡Format: Fanfiction

♡Summary: It's not uncommon for Tommy and Tubbo to bring people over to your place so you can help calm them down after a prank, but today they seemed to drag by a familiar face that you have yet to properly spend time with. Lucky for you, he seems to be longing to talk to you as well.

♡Au Setting: Au where the war never happens but tensions are still high.

"Get back here!"

Despite the voice ordering them to stop, Tommy and Tubbo continued to run like their lives depended on it, and to be fair, it kinda did in this situation. Wet hands stained in different coloured dyes served as proof of their crimes and a green hooded man wearing an awfully smudged looking mask makes it clear who their latest prank victim was.

"What were we fucking thinking!?" but a laugh at the end of his yelling as he dodges Dream's outstretched hand makes it clear that Tommy doesn't regret his life choices at all.

"I don't know!" Tubbo on the otherhand, was starting to regret his involvement in the prank. His legs were starting to ache and his chest began to burn as he slowly became exhausted. A wild chase like this isn't exactly new to them but Dream's persistence really makes it hard for a person to catch a breather between runs. "Tommy, where are we even going!?"

Tommy opened his mouth to respond but a trail of scattered lanterns and torches answers Tubbo's question for him. Tubbo lets out a knowing, "ooooh!" And uses whatever remaining energy he can to keep up with Tommy, knowing exactly what his friend had in mind.

In the distance, they can see you sitting on your porch, playing with a parrot you had managed to tame while out searching for cocoa beans. Relief washes over them when you lock eyes with them and start jogging over with your bird in tow, a worried expression evident on your face.

They're quick to hide behind you when they get close enough, clutching the back of your shirt while trying to catch their breaths to answer your questions as to who they were running from this time and why.

"Dream-" is all Tommy can manage to wheeze out before he's coughing up a lung and swearing again.

"Ah," honestly, after knowing the pair for a good few years now, just mentioning a name gives you a pretty good idea of the type of prank they pulled and the danger they could be in. Thankfully, Dream wasn't a major threat, to you at least.

"Alright, alright, go hide in the house quickly and don't come out until I tell you guys to. If I die, make sure to take care of the farm animals and bees for me."

"Bless you, (y/n)."

"Your sacrifices won't be in vain, we promise!"

You give them a joking salute and urge them to go inside quickly, informing them that you can hear Dream approaching closer. Once the boys were safely inside, you tried your best to look as natural as possible with the limited time you had to adjust yourself. When Dream arrives, you can see that he's just as tired as the boys are thanks to the chase, though his stance continues to be tense as he frantically looks around for them, fists clenched tight until his knuckles turned ghost white.

"Fuck, where did they run off to?"

"Not gonna give a stranger a kind hello after walking onto their lawn with murderous intent?" You and Dream weren't really strangers per say, you had to meet up with him when you moved into the server after all, but due to conflicting schedules and how often Tommy and Tubbo dragged you away whenever he tried to make conversation, you two didn't know each other all that well. That doesn't mean that you didn't want to try though.

When Dream realizes where he was and who he was talking, he's quick to adjust his mask and hoodie to make himself look somewhat... presentable, as presentable as he can look with sweat marks and a messed up mask at least.

'Why did those two have to run up to your house out of all places,' Dream mentally whines to himself, clearing his throat and giving you a single awkward wave as he walks up to you.

"Hey, (y/n). I didn't know you lived in this part of the server," that was a lie. Dream did know where you live, he knew where everyone did but it would be a little creepy to just put that information out there, wouldn't it?

"It'd be a little weird if I just started screaming out my address to random people on the streets, wouldn't it?" You try to joke, earning a little laugh from Dream.

"Okay, yeah, you got me there."

You pat an empty spot beside you on your porch step, inviting Dream over for a bit of rest and he accepts your offer gratefully, practically slumping beside you as he suddenly feels just how tired he is.

"Love the new look you gave your mask by the way," Dream groans at your teasing and pulls at his hoodie strings, hoping to cover his whole mask with his hood. He's glad you can't see his face right now because he can feel his cheeks practically burning at the fact that when he finally gets a chance to talk and get close to you it's when he's a sweating tired mess who looks like a wreck at best.

"I'm going to kill those two when I find them," he mumbles under his breath.

The slam that follows within your home could not have been more terribly timed.

"What was that?"

"Must be my wolves," you lied through your teeth, knowing damn well that your actual wolves were sleeping in your bedroom, "they learned how to open doors recently, I think they're messing around at the moment."

While he's distracted, staring at your window to check what's going on inside of your home, you're quick to read through your most recent private messages on your communicator.

Tommy: HE'S HERE!

Tommy: (Y/N), WHY AREN'T YOU TELLING HIM TO FUCK OFF!?

Tommy: Fuck this, we're hiding in the kitchen.

Tubbo: We're making a run for it through the back.

Tommy: We'll hide in your barn like runaway children.

Tubbo: Isn't that what we technically are right now?

Tommy: (y/n), we're making a fucking run for it if you don't answer us in 3 seconds.

Tommy: 3!

Tommy: 2!

Tubbo: We'RE OUT! I REPEAT, WE'RE OUT!

"Yup," you pop your P a little at the end, annoyed yet amused at the string of frantic messages still continuing to pop up on your communicator as they make their escape, "definitely my wolves causing all of that chaos."

Dream knows that you're lying from the way you read through your messages but he doesn't say a word about it, choosing instead to take this golden opportunity to get closer to you without worrying about anyone getting in the way.

"Not really how you thought the day would go, huh?"

You can't help but laugh and shake your head, "Not at all, I thought it was just going to be another boring day with my bird, but hey, I'm glad you showed up to make it a little more special."

"Really?" Dream hates how happy he sounds to hear you say that, but he'll beat himself up over it another time.

"It's not everyday you see Mr. WasTaken himself visiting your humble home, now is it?" Oh, or maybe he won't.

"I guess not, that really should change, shouldn't it?" You can hear the little grin in his voice as he realizes the game your playing.

"It really should, but a quick heads up would be good, unless you'd like to deal with said 'wolves' I mentioned earlier."

He chuckles and shakes his head, mentioning how he's more than aware that those two 'wolves' of yours would probably rip him apart if he ever visited you unannounced.

It isn't long before you invite Dream inside, offering to help clean his mask as an apology on the boys's behalf. He claims that he doesn't mind but he would rather not take his mask off in front of you when he hasn't gotten to know you all that well.

"You don't have to remove it if you feel uncomfortable, I'll just wipe away whatever I can with a cloth, but if you're still hesitant, I'd understand."

He takes a moment to consider your offer, trying to see if you have any other ulterior motives. It's not that he doesn't want to trust you, he does, but sometimes you just have to be a little extra cautious even with people you like. Sensing no ill intent on your part though, he relaxes himself once more and accepts your help, letting his hood finally loosen and fall back to ease your process.

Your actions are incredibly comforting to Dream who can't help himself from leaning into your touches every once in a while. He watches you with his fullest attention as you wipe away the mess on his mask with a damp cloth. He loves how focused you look while doing so, taking in every little quirk you may have while you concentrate. His little crush on you that he's harboured ever since he saw you running around the server can't help but grow every second you give him your attention.

There's a certain draw to you that Dream can't fight off no matter how hard he tries, you just manage to hold a certain power over him and that was evident by the fact that he completely lost interest in continuing his hunt for Tommy and Tubbo even after finding out that they were still most likely on your property. Dream was a persistent man, he was never one to simply drop something with no proper reason at all. There was just this appeal to you that he couldn't describe and he was desperate to find out what it was about you that made him act differently than he normally would.

"Okay then, that's the last of it," he has to stop himself from letting out a whine when you pull your hands away from his mask, he wants to say something to try to get you to continue on longer but decides against it, not wanting to seem desperate. His eyes don't leave you even after you pull away, watching you rinse off the dirty cloth before throwing it into what seemed to be a bin filled with laundry. When you return to sit by his side, he can't help but swallow a bit of his pride to rest his head on your shoulder. It's a big risk to take, but at least he has an excuse for his actions if he ever needs it.

"Tired, Dream?"

"Mhmm," he feels himself melt when you let your fingers run through his slightly sweat damp hair, clearly unphased by the state of it much, to his joy.

"You wanna rest here for a while? I'm sure you could get a good nap in before leaving."

"That depends, can I still use you as my pillow?"

"Not like I have anything else to do for the rest of the day, knock yourself out."

"Then if you'll excuse me," his head is quick to leave your shoulder to instead rest in your lap and the blissful sigh he lets out escapes his lips before he can even stop himself. You just feel so comfortable to him. "I'm gonna drift off, wake me up in an hour or so, will you?"

You let out a hum in response and it isn't long before you start to see Dream's body go slack, his breathing now steady and deep as he slowly falls asleep. It's quite endearing seeing Dream act so affectionately towards you, something you certainly didn't expect from a guy who carries himself with a subtle wave of authority, but you definitely weren't complaining as you continued to play with his hair once again.

Dream would never tell a single soul about it, but this was quiet possible the best sleep he's gotten in years, if he even tried to sleep at all to begin with. The thought to just slow down and relax is never really on his mind, his head always spinning with things he has to do. However, with you, he's glad to know that he can look to you for comfort from now on, something he now realizes is rather hard to find on the server. It pains him to know that he'll have to leave in just a few moments but for now, he'll take what he can get from you and maybe, if you let him, he'll be sure to return your sweet gestures tenfold one day.

A/N: Hello, everyone! I am so sorry for being absent recently, I know the writer's block excuse can only go so far but- yeah ^^' I'm so sorry again for everything and I'm sorry if this isn't what you were hoping for anon! Thank you so much for the rquest and feel free to request it again if you want me to remake this to hopefully suit what you wanted. Anyways, I hope you all have a good day and thank you so much for reading!

(Requests are open and anon is on!)

#mcyt x reader #mcyt imagine #dream smp x reader #dream smp imagine #dream x reader

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speuradair · 3 years

Text

Aizawa Shota Taking Care Of His Depressed S/O

Request: "Hey there! I was wondering if it would be okay if I requested Aizawa taking care of a depressed reader? Like she is so depressed she doesn't even feel like getting out of bed, and he just kind of pampers her by like brushing her hair for her, running her a bath, and just generally taking care of her and not judging her in the slightest?"

Shota is no stranger to depression

Or mental illness in general, for that matter

While he's now able to manage it pretty well, he has quite a bit of first-hand experience dealing with depression

So when he sees that you're struggling with your own depression, he's ready to support you without an ounce of judgement

He approaches it on a day by day basis

It depends on how bad you're feeling, as well as how long it's been since you've done important things like showered, eaten a full meal, had some water, etc

If you're feeling particularly terrible, he isn't going to push you

Just getting up takes all of your energy sometimes, and he isn't going to make you do anything that would make you feel worse

On the days where you need to stay in bed, he focuses on being there for you and making sure you're at least eating something small and still getting up to go to the bathroom when you need to

Other than that, he's more than happy to just stay in bed with you and watch something, listen to music, cuddle, or just sleep

On the days where he has to get you out of bed, he has to take a more direct approach

Though, Shota wouldn't mention your depression unless you brought it up first

As far as he's concerned, it doesn't matter if you name these feelings you're having or not

Diagnosing it or calling you out on it doesn't change how it feels, so he doesn't see a point in doing so

Unless you mention it and want to vent, he takes care of you without explaining why he's doing so

(besides, depression or not, he wants to take care of you, you know? He doesn't need a reason to do so)

Without saying a word he comes to sit on your side of the bed

Moving slowly as to not startle you, his hand smooths out your hair

Partially to wake you up in case you're still asleep, but mostly to comfort you

He'll stay like that for a few moments, just quietly being there for you and giving you a chance to say something if you feel so inclined

When you don't, he'll finally break the silence

"Hey," his voice is low and gentle, and you can vaguely feel the vibration of his words as you lean into him, "How does a bath sound?"

Sometimes you nod and comply, sometimes you protest and curl into yourself a bit more

If you need some more coaxing, he'll continue to smooth your hair out for a few moments before trying again

"Come on, I'll help you. Doesn't warm water and a scalp massage sound good?"

He scratches gently at your scalp as he speaks, teasing you a bit

"We'll clean you up, get you in some fresh clothes, and then you can lay back down again."

Between his voice, his touch, and his persuasion, it eventually becomes hard to resist

He then picks you up, holding you close to his chest and bringing you into the bathroom where he'll sit you on the edge of the tub

Once the bath is ready, Shota silently helps you out of your old clothes and holds onto you steadily as you settle into the warm water

He lets you sit there for as long as you'd like, staying by your side and sitting on the floor next to the tub

It doesn't matter if you want to sit there for ten minutes or ten hours

He's staying right there by your side

Eventually, when you're ready, he takes the shampoo and begins to wash your hair for you, making sure to be careful

He'll rinse your hair for you, then helping you wash up

When you're ready to get out, he's ready with the softest towel you two have

He helps you step out of the tub and wraps it around you, then leaves the room for a few seconds before returning with a fresh set of clothes

Your pajama pants, underwear, and one of his shirts

When he places them on the counter in front of you, you recognize the scent of laundry detergent on them

He must've just taken them out of the dryer

That suspicion is confirmed when he helps you get dressed and you can feel the warmth radiating off of them

Shota leads you back into your shared room, letting you sit back down on the bed

Depending on how you do your hair after you wash it, he does his best to do it for you

If you prefer to dry it, he'll blow dry your hair for you

If you prefer to pull it up, he can absolutely comb your hair out and pull it up too

He's surprisingly great at braiding and styling hair

Once you're ready to lay back down, he'll switch his attention to getting something for you to eat

He asks you what you feel like eating, and will agree to pretty much whatever you say

You want take out? He'll order

You want drive through? He'll take you

You want him to cook? He's on it

Just say the word, and he'll get you whatever you'd like

Normally Shota is pretty adamant on reminding you that you should be eating well to take care of yourself, but when you're really struggling, he isn't concerned about the nutritional value of your food

If you happen to pick something healthy, that's great, but he's more worried about making sure you've eaten something

Finally, once you've eaten something and had something to drink, Shota climbs in bed with you again

It's up to you to decide what you feel like doing after that, but whatever you pick, he's going to be laying right beside you, keeping you close

Eventually he'll pull you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you and telling you how unbelievably proud he is of you for taking care of yourself today

You got out of bed today, and he knows how hard that can be

He reminds you how strong and brave you are, and how loved you are, both by him and by those around you

No matter how many bad days you have, Shota will always be right there to help you through

He recognizes the strength you have for pushing through, and he wants to make sure you recognize it, too

Helping you is never a bother to him

He's so in love with you, you could never be any sort of a burden on him

And he knows you love him just as unconditionally

#aizawa shota #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #aizawa x reader #imagine #self insert #one shot #headcanons #fanfic #rae writes #requests #depression cw #depression tw

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inevitably-johnlocked · 3 years

Note

Hi Steph! reading your blog has become a sort of guilty pleasure for me. Thanks for everything, it’s so clear that you put a lot of time and energy into your content. I was wondering if you have any johnlock fics that feature a particularly well-written or memorable original character? I always love to see how authors integrate their own character creations into johnlock stories!

Hey Nonny!

Ahhhh!! This is a GREAT request, because I like well-written OC’s in fics, so yeah, this is a great list to make. Here’s what I recall from my bookmarks. Please add your own faves, friends!

MEMORABLE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS

Ex by Itsallfine (T, 1,248 w., 1 Ch. || Angsty Fluff, Love Confessions, Coming Out, Exes, First Kiss, Fake Relationship, Getting Outed) – One night, in the midst of their post-case high and on the cusp of something more, John and Sherlock run into John’s ex. His ex-boyfriend.

The Prize We Sought Is Won by deathfrisbees (E, 4,610 w., 1 Ch. || First Time, Mild D/S, Oral, Military Kink, Bottomlock) – Sherlock's in love, or in lust, or both--unfortunately, the object of his affections is not only his completely oblivious flatmate, but said flatmate would probably run screaming into the hills should he find out. John's been invited to a wedding--unfortunately, the groom used to serve under him back in Afghanistan, and requests that John wear a uniform he's honestly not sure he fits into. Unfortunately for both flatmates, Sherlock's got a military kink the size of Kandahar and John wants to know if he actually can fit into this uniform or if his eyes are deceiving him. It goes from there.

Time on my hands by Mildredandbobbin (M, 7,179 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-S3, One Night Stands, Mutual Pining, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Sexual Exploration / Discovery, Desperation, Body Worship) – Virginity’s a construct, a concept—what does losing one’s virginity entail for a gay man anyway? Sherlock wants to fill that particular gap in his knowledge but John won’t, can’t, never will assist and there’s only so much desperately unspoken pining even Sherlock can take.

High and Tight, Soft and Loose by cwb (E, 7,429 w., 1 Ch. || Jealous John, Miscommunications / Misunderstandings, First Kiss / Time, BAMF John, Insecure Sherlock, Clueless Sherlock, POV John, Embarrassed John, Adorable Sherlock, Junk Size, UST / RST) – John pressed the knuckle of his index finger against his mouth and sighed. “So, you're coiled like a spring and ready to be ... sprung?” “If you want to be pedestrian about it, yes.” “Like I said, you should do something about that.” “And like I said, pedestrian. What would you have me do? Take up jogging? Yoga? Oh! Unless you mean –” “I don't mean anything. Let’s drop it.”

Matters of National Security by mistyzeo (E, 8,465 w., 1 Ch. || BAMF John, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Dating, Bisexuality, Arguing, Stupidity, Teasing, First Kiss/Time, Hand Jobs, Frottage, RST, Idiots in Love) – John starts dating a male client of Sherlock's, and Sherlock can't figure out why he's so incensed about it.

High Tide by stardust_made (T, 8,540 w., 1 Ch. || Jealousy, Angst, First Kiss) – A little favour Sherlock stupidly agrees to do for Mycroft leads to John meeting a handsome, affluent man, who is going out of his way to woo him. Sherlock struggles with the situation and with his own reactions to it. Part 1 of The High Tide Series

Iris by slashscribe (E, 11,948 w., 1 Ch. || Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Post-S3) – Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock's perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness.

A Brand of Gold by aquabelacqua (M, 12,757 w., 1 Ch. || Mutual Pining, POV John, Phone Sex, Texting, Masturbation, Long Distance, Drunk Texting) – What am I doing? he wondered. The answer came back at once: Flirting. He let the vital, missing piece snap into place as surely and as cleanly as if it had always been there. He was flirting with Sherlock Holmes.

Twelfth Night by yourdykeinshiningarmor (E, 15,139 w., 5 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Christmas, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Angst & Fluff, BJ’s, Anal) – John is invited to his aunt's Twelfth Night ball. Sherlock offers to attend with him as a friendly face among strangers, but John's family force him to address his true feelings for Sherlock.

Vessel by Rhuia (E, 15,695 w., 1 Ch. || Cancer, Medfic) – That was the surprising bit – the way his doctor said it, eyes shining with sympathy but breathing it out, shifting it off her shoulders and thrusting it onto his, making him take it like an unwanted gift.

A Life Well-Lived by Kate_Lear (E, 20,121 w., 1 Ch. || Original Male Character, Sherlock Woos John, Jealous Sherlock, Reluctant Bi-John, Past Abuse, Insecure John, Reassuring / Caring Sherlock, Protective Sherlock, Understanding Sherlock) – John got scared off men by an abusive past relationship. Sherlock has to try and woo him while not scaring him off with protective possessive rage.

Winter's Delights by Kate_Lear (E, 21,173 w., 1 Ch. || Holmes Family, Christmas, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Bed Sharing, Domestics) – Sherlock takes John home for Christmas to meet the extended Holmes family. Part 1 of Winter's Delights

A Shipless Ocean by myswordfishmind (M, 22,135 w., 4 Ch. || Post-TRF, John has a Kid, Angst, Reunion, Falling in Love, Open Ending) – Ten years after the fall Sherlock goes back to London to find that John no longer lives there. Instead, he resides in a seaside town, a widower, and the father of a seven year old son. Now, Sherlock must struggle with the fact that there may no longer be a place for him in this new world.

Maintaining A Personal Life by Gingerhermit (E, 24,284 w., 6 Ch. || Alternating POV’s, Bisexuality, BAMF!John, Jealous Sherlock, Romance / Drama, Sort-of Case Fic, Peril & Angst, Love Confessions, Toplock, Soft Idiots in Love, Post S3) – Sherlock and John discover some interesting revelations about each other’s sexuality, which lead them both to question the assumptions they've made about one another for years. In the midst of their mutual discoveries, a dangerous psychopath looms on the side-lines who threatens to destroy their new beginning.

26 Pieces by Lanning (E, 28,236 w., 1 Ch. || H/C, Torture, First Time, Happy Ending, Schmoop, Past Abuse) – Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn't simple.

Where Else Would I Be? by cwb (E, 34,910 w., 10 Ch. || Retirementlock, Domestic Fluff, Falling in Love, Parentlock, Fluff and Smut, Reminiscing) – John and Sherlock's five-year-old granddaughter spends the weekend with them in Sussex. Sherlock happily indulges her whims, and John takes care of them while quietly revisiting the past thirty years of their lives together.

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w., 4 Ch. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara's American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she's also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she's placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

Nothing to Make a Song About by emmagrant01 (E, 36,833 w., 10 Ch. || Post-TRF, First Time, Reunion, Jealous John, Pining Sherlock, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, Sherlock Has a Boyfriend) – When Sherlock returned from his faked death, John could not forgive him for the deception and broke off their friendship. Ten years later, John returns to London in search of yet another new beginning. Sherlock, not surprisingly, is waiting.

Set in Stone by SilentAuror (E, 39,309 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Wedding, Therapy, Fluff and Angst) – Sherlock and John are back from Ravine Valley and planning their wedding. However, as they move past the trial of the human traffickers, Sherlock can't help but wonder if he's imagining that John is becoming a little distant. Surely he isn't getting cold feet about the wedding... Part 2 of The Ravine Valley series

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst, Promise of Forever) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w., 12 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Case Fic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage, Angst, Anal, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Spas / Massages, Shampoo, Jealousy, Fake Relationship) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Albion and the Woodsman by Glenmore (NR [E], 54,437 w., 50 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post S3, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst, Family, Drug Use, Depression, Sherlock POV, Light Humour, Reconnecting, Declarations of Love) – Sherlock and John are devastated after Mary Morstan makes her final moves. Sherlock relapses at the crack house, John walks around the world … and a lot happens in between. Parentlock, in the good way.

Wars We Fought, Things We're Not by blueink3 (M, 55,204 w., 10 Ch. || Post S3 / Post TAB, Parentlock, Fluff & Angst, Kidnapping, Whump, Post-TAB, UST/URT, 3G, Mild Peril, Slow Burn, Couple for a Case, Protective Mycroft, Infant Death Pre-Story, Friends to Lovers) – Five months after John's world has fallen apart, Mycroft sends the consulting detective and his doctor on a case that neither is prepared for.

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

The Great Sex Olympics of 221B by XistentialAngst (E, 58,611 w., 10 Ch. || First Time/Kiss, Experiments / Sexual Experimentations, Multi Pairings, Voyeurism) – John Watson thinks Sherlock Holmes should admit that he, Watson, is more of an expert on sex than Sherlock is. But Sherlock refuses to concede the point. He comes up with an experiment plan that will resolve the issue. The results will determine who wins the prize. But sometimes even the best thought-out scientific study has unexpected consequences.

Bridging the Ravine by SilentAuror (E, 58,887 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Couple For a Case, Bed-Sharing, First Times, Confessions, Awkwardness, Sex Trafficking, Massages, Wet T-Shirt Contest, Group Therapy, Past Loss of Child) – Sherlock and John go undercover at Ravine Valley, a therapy centre for same-sex male couples in an investigation into a possible human trafficking ring. As they pose as a couple and fake their way through the therapy sessions for the sake of the case, it quickly becomes difficult to avoid discussing their very real issues. Set roughly six nine months after series 4.

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w., 18 Ch. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he's a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover's trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world's highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

Secrets and Revelations by Hisstah (E, 83,535 w., 9 Ch. || Sentinel / Guides Omegaverse AU || Adventure, Violence, Anal / Oral, Omega!John / Alpha!Sherlock, Case Fic, Politics, Mild DubCon) – Dr John Watson has some major secrets that he's kept from his flatmate, Alpha Sentinel Sherlock Holmes. Now the Sentinel Tower is after him. Can John stay out of their hands until he can reveal his secrets to Sherlock? Part 1 of Secrets and Revelations

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater / Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Maintenance and Repair by patternofdefiance (E, 106,650 w., 71 Ch. || Future AU, Augmentation || Augmented John, Depression, Body Modification, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Sci-Fi, Self-Care, Body Dysmorphia) – John wants to explain the rush of sensation and data, which is just another form of sensation (or is it the other way around?). John wants to say: Augmentation circuits report temperature, pressure, various forms of quantitative input. Sudden changes are reported as pain, since sudden changes are dangerous, and pain is the quickest way to encourage reflexive extraction. But all John can manage is, “Nng.” Because this sudden touch is not reporting as pain. Part 2 of STATIC

The Burning Heart by May_Shepard (M, 119,150 w., 21 Ch. || Canon Divergence, Post-TRF, John’s Sexuality, S3 Rewrite, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV John Watson, John’s Gay) – When Sherlock dies, John Watson feels like his life is over too. He’s completely shut down, until Mark Morstan, a new nurse at John’s medical clinic, catches his attention, and helps him uncover the long buried truth of his attraction to men. Although he’s certain he’ll never get over Sherlock, John plans to move on, and build a new life with Mark, unaware that Sherlock is not quite as dead as he appears, and that Mark is hiding secrets of his own.

The Swan Triad Series by Pennin_Ink (T, 121,660 w. across 3 works || Swan Lake AU || Magical / Fairy Tale AU, Romance, Falling in Love, Pining, Psychological Torture, Transformation) – Sherlock and John grow up spending every summer together. Their mothers' attempts to play matchmaker only fuel their mutual resentment and scorn. But then, one summer.

Colors by Quesarasara (E, 140,537 w., 17 Ch. || Pleasantville-Inspired AU || Soulmates, Colour Bonds, Alternating POV, Angst, Fluff, Pining, Case Fic, Medical Procedures) – Everyone on earth is born with eyes that see in black, white, and an endless series of greys. When you meet your soulmate, you finally see the world in color. We're all searching for the person who brings color to our lives. John and Sherlock are no exception. Part 1 of The Colors 'Verse

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships) by ShirleyCarlton (M, 144,688 w., 40 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending) – Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own. (SC’s version of Sherrinford may as well be an OC; he’s well written and different from Canon)

Sketchy by serpentynka (E, 184,053 w., 83 Ch. || Post-TRF, Post-Mary, John Whump, Slow Burn Love Story, Case Fic, Art, Porn With Feelings, Switchlock, Travelling, Career Change, Family Secrets, Illness / Health) – What (and who) will be left when nobody cares about your Work? A slow-burn fic with cases, places, mistaken identities, unfair choices, essential changes, violent feels, blatant lies, fearless portraiture, family secrets, high-risk bespoke gifts, durable friendships, bedtime stories, foreign travel and tongues, sickness (and health), and the significance of things which are slow to unfurl -- but cannot be ignored. Oh, and...porn. Part 1: Sherlock takes on an obvious case (barely a 4) and meets someone who will force him to re-examine what it means to see. Part 1 of Sketchy

The Gilded Cage by BeautifulFiction (E, 326,887 w., 31 Ch. || Omegaverse || Omega Sherlock / Alpha John, Friends to Lovers, Dub Con, Reproductive Rights) – In a world where Omegas are the property of the elite Alphas, locked away and treasured by those wealthy enough to buy them, John never questioned his flatmate's secondary gender. Sherlock Holmes was an Alpha through-and through. Wasn't he? A chance discovery turns the world on its head, and John is left grappling to come to terms with Sherlock's past as events conspire to threaten their future.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #original characters #my fic recs #Anonymous #long post

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 4 years

Text

Memories

Summary: When Dean discovers the reader has abilities she’s never told him about, he breaks things off. But when she wanders back into the Winchester’s lives a year later, he starts to realize there’s more to the situation than just a few lies...

Pairing: Dean x reader

Square: Case Fic

Word Count: 8,000ish

Warnings: language, angst, mentioned past abuse/violence, angst, sprinkle of fluff

A/N: Also written for @spndeanbingo

_____

Exactly three years and twenty two days after meeting the Winchesters it happened. Two and a half years of dating Dean. Countless nights in motel rooms, in the bunker, on hunts. Cuts, stitches, laughs. Colds and fevers. Being worried sick over one another and nearly dying for each other more than once.

You finally did it.

Dean saw it.

And he was so angry you didn’t even know how to respond.

You didn’t even say a word as he threw a pair of special cuffs on you. You didn’t mention how you weren’t a demon and the cuffs were useless on you. You didn’t put up a fight when you were sat down in the backseat and he drove the two of you back to the bunker.

You were quiet as you got out of the car, Dean not even saying a word as you headed straight for the dungeon without being told. He slammed the door shut after you as you sighed. You took a seat in the chair and slipped out of the cuffs with a little effort, the door opening not long after.

“How did you do that? The cuffs. You’re a demon,” said Dean as he walked straight over to you.

“I’m not a demon,” you said. “You know it’s me, Y/N. Just-”

“What the hell are you,” he said, narrowing his eyes at you, his hand reaching behind his back and pulling out an angel blade.

“I’m human. I just…” you trailed off as you looked at your lap.

“Just what,” he said, grabbing your chin and lifting your head up.

“Do not treat me like I’m some monster. I saved your life two hours ago. You would be dead if I hadn’t done that. Do not treat me like the bad guy,” you said. He dropped his hand and you saw him hold up the blade.

“Talk.”

“I have certain...abilities,” you said. “One’s I haven’t used in years.”

“So you’ve been lying to me for years then, hm?” he said.

“It’s not the abilities that pisses you off. It’s that I never told you, isn’t it,” you said. Dean cleared his throat and started to walk away, shoving the blade in his back pocket before he returned with crossed arms. “Dean-”

“You saved me, you get a pass. You have ten minutes to load up your stuff and leave,” he said.

“Dean. I-”

“This isn’t a white lie, Y/N,” he snapped, his face hard as you stood up. “This...this is whatever trust we had being over. If I can’t trust you, I can’t be near you. It’s that simple.”

“I never intended to use those abilities ever again. It’s not something hereditary. It would never have been of any consequence to anyone. I’m human. I didn’t tell you-”

“You didn’t tell me. I told you so much shit,” he said, the hard exterior starting to crack. “I told you about hell. About all the shit I did to souls. About the shit that was done to me. I never told anyone that. No one. That’s just one thing. I told you all of it. Every goddamn second and you...you…”

“It’s a very long story,” you said quietly. “A very long and horrible story that I was too scared to ever tell you. So I lied. I lied about a lot.”

“I don’t even know you,” he said. You reached out to grab his hand but he stepped away.

“Dean, I’m not gonna hurt you,” you said, trying to make your voice as soft as possible.

“You already did,” he said dryly, closing his eyes. “Please go. Don’t come back.”

“I-”

“I’m going out. Be gone by the time I get back.”

One Year Later

“Dean, we got another one,” said Sam. You lifted your head wearily, blinking your eyes open to spot Sam looking down at you. “Y/N?”

“‘ammy,” you mumbled, shutting your eyes again. Within a few seconds you were lifted up in his strong arms. You were drifting in and out, suddenly in the backseat of Baby and then in the infirmary in the bunker. After a little while you opened your eyes and sat up, feeling a bandage on your head. You swung your legs over the side of the bed and stood, immediately plopping back down.

“Sit,” said Dean. You looked behind yourself, Dean standing at a table, most of the lights in the room dimmed down. He spun around with a bowl in his hands and a tray of supplies. You recognized the needle and he was ripping off the gauze and stitching up your forehead before you knew it.

You hissed and he said nothing.

“Cas should be back in the morning. He can heal you then,” he said.

He worked quietly for a few minutes, new gauze stuck on your head when he was finished. He quickly left and hit off the light. You sat there until you heard footsteps, Sam poking his head in and carrying a tray with grilled cheese and tomato soup.

“Hey,” he said, setting it down on the nightstand.

“Hi, Sam,” you said.

“You were out most of the day. I thought you might be hungry,” he said.

“Thank you,” you said.

“Where did you go? You were here and then one day, you were gone. It’s not like you to screw up a hunt like that either.”

“I broke Dean’s trust,” you said.

“There’s more to it than that,” he said.

“I’m a monster,” you said, laughing dryly when Sam stared at you. “I’m human but I’m a monster.”

“You’re one of the kindest people I know,” said Sam.

“I should go,” you said as you got to your feet. You took a leery step forward and another, Sam grabbing your hand.

“Y/N. What’s going on? You’re not a monster,” he said.

“Yes, I am. Thank you for trying to save me, Sam. But you can’t,” you said. You shrugged out of his grip and took a deep breath. You wound up outside of the bunker, by the bottom of the hill. Your head was spinning but you had enough head start that he wouldn’t find you.

You were staring at the river’s water when you heard a branch snap behind you and a flashlight light up the ground nearby.

“Not a very good hiding spot,” said Dean.

“I thought it was,” you said, closing your eyes, resting your chin on your knees again. “I’m too tired to fight Dean.”

“Good. It means I’ll win then,” he said. He stood next to you, clicking off the flashlight. “You told me about this spot, you know.”

“Once I told you.”

“I used to listen to you,” he said.

“I don’t care about a scar on my forehead, Dean,” you said. “I’m not going back.”

“Rookie move getting caught on a hunt like that,” he said. “I thought you had super powers.”

“There’s a cost to using them,” you said quietly.

“You never said that before.”

“It doesn’t matter,” you said.

“What does it cost?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” you whispered.

“Your soul?” he asked.

“No,” you said. “The only thing it ever cost me was you. I’m still a monster and a liar. Using them just reminds me of that.”

“Sammy mentioned you look ill,” said Dean. “I thought you looked scared.”

“You’d be doing me a favor by using that angel blade on me at this point,” you said.

“I’ve never wanted to kill you. I’m not going to kill you. You broke us was all,” he said.

“Yes. I did. So why are you here?” you asked.

“I heard there was a long and horrible story, that it might help me understand,” he said.

“No,” you said. He bumped your shoulder and you looked over at him. He stared and swallowed, glancing out at the water.

“Why not?” he asked.

“The time for that was a year ago. You didn’t want to hear it and I respected that. Respect my decision,” you said.

“Alright,” he said, sliding his hand into your coat pocket. You reached inside and felt the ball shape, narrowing your eyes. “Hex bag. You’re coming back with me.”

“First you tell me to go away. Now you make me come back. Take it out and let me leave, Dean,” you said.

“Not without that story. It’s a dick move, trust me, I know,” he said. You plucked out the hex bag and held it in your hand. It burned up in your hand, Dean wide eyed for a moment. “How…”

“Just let me run away. I won’t bother you ever again,” you said as you walked past him. His hand caught your arm and you closed your eyes, Dean gasping behind you. You heard him fall over as you looked back, his hands tied in front of him along with his feet.

“What…” he asked.

“You can’t get out of that, Dean. It’s the same stuff they use in Hell. When I’m away, I’ll remove it,” you said. You started to walk away and you slapped a piece of the material over his mouth when he shouted. “I’m sorry. It’s for-”

You felt yourself get tackled on the ground, your head knocking back against the paved path.

“Sammy, don’t hurt her,” Dean said and you glanced over, your hold on him gone as he stood up. You tried to push the two of them away but your head hurt too much. You put your hands on it and curled up in a ball. “Call Cas. Tell him we need him home. Now.”

“Morning sunshine,” said Dean as you flickered open your eyes. You looked around, in a dimly lit old room. You touched your head and sat up, Dean setting down his book at the desk. “Cas healed you up. He said your head was looking like a smoothie in there.”

“Felt like it,” you said.

“You should have died like, back at that house on the hunt,” said Dean.

“I know,” you said.

“Apparently you have a ‘dark energy’ about you,” said Dean.

“Yet I’m not in the dungeon...or the bunker,” you said. Dean sighed and looked over your head, your gaze going up to the ceiling. “What is that?”

“Bit of a pain in the ass for me,” said Dean. “We don’t know what you are and that little trick by the river was pretty impressive but that sigil? Anyone with that symbol carved in them ain’t leaving a one mile square area. Two man minimum.”

“You’re holding me here,” you said.

“In this cabin and the surrounding area. I can’t leave either. Not until that gets removed and Cas is the only one that can undo it,” said Dean.

“I can make you undo it,” you said. You stared him down, Dean frowning when he saw you tie his hands together in front of him.

“Go ahead and do that. But I literally can’t undo it. We’re both stuck and Sam and Cas aren’t coming back unless it’s an emergency,” said Dean. You got up from the bed and went down a short hall, Dean following you and out through a front door. The air was chilly and you saw the sun was barely up. You walked and walked and walked until suddenly you bounced off of something. You put a hand against it, Dean sighing behind you. “Unless you’re God level powerful, you ain’t getting out.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me. Let me go,” you snapped. Dean held up his hands and you sighed, releasing him before you started to walk around.

“Y/N. Cas carved it into our bones. Rowena put the spell up. We are as stuck here as the day is long,” said Dean.

“You can’t make me go back inside,” you said as you sat down and leaned back against the invisible wall.

“I think you’re lying to me again. Something is wrong and you know it. You look sick. You’re weak. You-”

“Go away before I shut your mouth for you,” you said. He nodded and left, going back into the cabin. You sighed and wrapped your arms around your knees. “Castiel if you can hear me, come and take this off of me. Please. I just want to be left alone.”

One Week Later

“What do you want for dinner?” asked Dean as you stared out the window. It’d been raining all day. The cabin was nice and clean, modern and nice. The bathrooms were spa like and you seemed to somehow have internet all the way out in the middle of nowhere.

It would have been a great and peaceful vacation spot if there wasn’t the overwhelming threat in the air that you couldn’t leave.

“Y/N?” asked Dean.

“Whatever you want is fine,” you said quietly, watching the water roll down the panes. Dean walked over and handed you a blanket, running his hand over your head. “You will never get me to talk, Dean.”

“I was angry and I think we both know I had a right to be. But I think we both know I should have given you a chance to explain yourself and I didn’t. We both screwed up. When you’re ready to talk, we will. Until then...we can stay here and learn to be friends again. You’re safe here. You can try to recover from whatever it is that is running you down.”

“You stuck me here so I can’t go on a hunt,” you said. “Didn’t you.”

“That was part of it,” said Dean.

“I’m not weak.”

“You can kick my ass all on your own. With these abilities you have? Pretty sure you win every time without lifting a finger,” he said. “Maybe you’re strong, way stronger than I’ve ever been. But you are sick. I can see it all over your face. You can recover here until we figure out what to do next.”

“I know what to do next but you won’t let me leave,” you growled.

“This isn’t up for debate.”

You turned your head, Dean shoving your arm after a few seconds. He pointed at the tie over his mouth and you shrugged.

“You speaking isn’t up for debate,” you said. He rolled his eyes and went back to the kitchen, starting to move some pots around.

An hour later he shoved your arm again.

“What?” you said. Dean pointed at the food on two plates. You stood up and went to the table, sitting down and digging in. Dean took a seat across from you, grunting. You slurped down your pasta and stared at him. He scratched at the tie and you went back to eating, his eyes widening for a moment. “It’s not fun having someone control you, is it? Enjoy your Red Special.”

He narrowed his eyes and stood up, going to the bedroom he’d been using and slamming the door shut.

After fifteen minutes and a few washed pots later, you went to the room, Dean sitting on the floor, his eyes red and puffy.

“Fuck, Dean,” you said, removing the tie and kneeling down. He wiped his hand over his face. “I’m sorry. I-”

“Red Special,” said Dean. “Red Special. That’s the first step in a Red Special and you know that. I told you all about Hell but I never told you the names of certain things so how the fuck do you know the name of it?”

You got up and tried to leave, Dean on his feet and grabbing your wrist quickly.

“Tell me. You owe me for that just now,” he said.

“Because I’ve gone through a Red Special before too,” you whispered. You shut your eyes and felt Dean’s hands on your shoulders, guiding you back into his room. He sat you down on the bed and told you not to move. He left for a few minutes before you opened your eyes, Dean returning with a sandwich and glass of water for himself. He shut the door and sat down at the head of the mattress, eating quietly as you sighed.

“You went to Hell?” he eventually asked.

“No.”

“...You had to. There’s no way you could survive-”

“I don’t want to tell you, Dean. Don’t make me tell you,” you said. He leaned over and took your hand, lacing your fingers together. You swallowed and shut your eyes.

“Were you...were you going to…” he trailed off as you shook your head.

“No. I could never do that to you. I shouldn’t have done what I did. My head just...it gets dark sometimes. It gets dark more often. The longer we stay here, the bigger the odds that I end up hurting you,” you said.

“Do you think it’s these abilities making that happen?” he asked.

“I know it is,” you said, a crack of thunder overhead.

“Then let’s try to take it away. Bare minimum information. Tell me and Sam and Cas the bare minimum you think we need to know and we’ll save the story for someday later,” said Dean. “I promise.”

Your whole body shuddered and he gave you a smile.

“S’okay. It’ll be okay,” said Dean.

“The torturer’s curse,” you said quietly. Dean tilted his head at you and you gave his hand a squeeze. “It’s called the torturer’s curse. There’s no way to remove it.”

“We’ll find a way. We always do.”

Three Weeks Later

“Hi guys,” you said as Sam, Cas and Rowena walked into the cabin. “I made cookies earlier if you want some.”

“Maybe later. Let’s see if we can get you feeling better first,” said Sam.

“Did you bring the cuffs?” you asked.

“One pair of demonic, witch and curse proof cuffs,” said Cas, pulling them from his pocket. You nodded and tried to relax, shaking your head after a moment. Cas put them on and you saw Dean leave his bedroom, shaking his arms out. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah. I pissed her off this morning so you know, been fun around here today,” said Dean.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

“Hey,” he said gently. “We’re gonna get you fixed up and you won’t be feeling any of this bad crap anymore.”

“I hope not,” you said. You took a seat at the table, Rowena and Sam moving around and setting things up. You had to give them some of your blood, the second it was in the bowl your whole body starting to buzz. “Hurry. It doesn’t like that.”

Rowenna threw something in the bowl and a puff of smoke appeared. She said a few words and then looked at you.

“Well?” she asked.

“I don’t feel any…” you said, quickly closing your eyes, everything off. You fell over, passing out for a few seconds.

“Hey, Y/N,” said Dean, shaking your shoulder as you woke up. Your whole body felt lighter. You tried to do something you could before, anything, but none of it seemed to work.

“Hey,” you smiled, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. “I’m okay. I’m okay.”

Cas put a hand on your head and nodded.

“I don’t sense the energy in her anymore,” he said.

“It’s gone?” asked Dean. You nodded and let out a laugh.

“It’s gone. It’s gone,” you said as they helped you sit up.

“How did you get a curse like that in the first place? That’s very, very dark magic,” said Rowenna as Sam took off your cuffs.

“It was a unique situation. It won’t happen again.”

“She won’t talk about what happened,” said Sam that night in the bunker. You were laying in your old bed, the boys talking in hushed whispers outside your room.

“I’m not pushing her. This curse was fucking with her head for a while and she’s had it who knows how long and she needs a little peace and quiet,” said Dean.

“Dean. The curse she had is not normal. It is old. The book we found the cure in...they only use the curse in something called a Hellscape. No one’s ever seen it in action. How the hell did she get it?”

“I’m guessing she’s been to someplace called Hellscape then, genius. Lay off. She feels like shit. Go find a nice easy hunt for us or something,” said Dean. You heard the door open after a moment and Dean enter, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Need anything sweetheart?”

“Do you ever wish you never existed?” you asked. You felt him move around behind you and lay down, warm arms pulling you into an embrace. “That’s not an answer.”

“Maybe I used to, on bad days sometimes,” he said. “I’m glad you’re here though.”

“I’m not sure what the point is,” you said.

“Of life?” he asked as you nodded. “I think you try to leave this place better than you found it.”

“I don’t think that’s why I’m here,” you said.

“Why do you think you are then?”

“To be miserable,” you said quietly. “A vast majority of my life has been a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. Then I got out of it when I found you guys and then I fucked that up and I’m back in the nightmare.”

“You’re not,” said Dean, resting his head against your back. “You’re not, I swear.”

“Maybe someday I’ll believe that,” you said as you shut your eyes.

“Y/N. Whatever you’re not telling me...it’s okay. I know it’s big. I’ll be here if you ever decide you want to share it. If not, that’s okay too,” he said.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“Hey,” said Sam the next morning at breakfast. “I found a hunt in Norfolk. It looks like a simple demon hunt if you guys want in.”

“Yeah that sounds good,” said Dean as you nodded. You went back to your eggs, closing your eyes. “You okay, sweetheart?”

“Never better.”

“I think it’s that gym teacher. I had a bad feeling about him,” said Sam in the motel later that day. “No demon though.”

“Him and that assistant coach are weirdos,” said Dean. “You see the way they were looking at Y/N?”

“They’re not the person you’re looking for,” you said as you changed out of your fed suit, Sam quickly turning away.

“How do you know that?” asked Dean. You sighed and slipped on some jeans and t shirt, plopping down on the bed. “Y/N.”

“Because this is my hometown,” you said. They looked at one another and scrunched up their faces. “I’m not from where I said I was. I lied about a lot. I get it. I went to high school with those guys, that’s why they were looking at me like that.”

“Well it has to be a teacher,” said Sam.

“No it doesn’t. It isn’t. I know exactly who it is,” you said, going to your bag and shoving your gun in your jeans.

“Care to share with the class?” asked Dean.

“It’s my dad.”

“Your what?” he asked. “Your dad is dead.”

“A lie. My mom is but not him.”

“So a demon didn’t kill your parents?” asked Sam. “Or just your mom?”

“I killed my mom,” you said. Both of them shared a look, Dean looking you up and down. “I had my reasons.”

“Y/N,” said Dean, shaking his head. “Ignoring that bombshell, how do you know it’s your dad?”

“He’s the most evil thing in this town,” you said.

“They didn’t...you know,” said Sam.

“Hurt me? Oh, I wish all they’d done to me was hurt me,” you said. Sam swallowed and you saw Dean nod.

“Sammy. Go grab some dinner for us. Please,” said Dean. Sam excused himself but you knew Dean only did it for your benefit. “I’m starting to get the picture.”

“What picture is that.”

“Abusive parents with a kid that ends up having a horrible dark curse on them? I have a feeling you didn’t get that from your hunting days,” he said.

“I’ve had it since I was sixteen. I didn’t turn it on until I used an ability for the first time at eighteen when I got out of here for good. Every time I use them, the darker it got,” you said.

“Your dad do that to you?” he asked. “Curse you?”

“Indirectly. You know who gave me the actual curse,” you said. Dean tilted his head. “Alistair.”

You saw his face go white and you nodded.

“Alistair...you knew…” said Dean.

“I knew him before you did. My parents used to call him Ali when I was little,” you said.

“What?” breathed out Dean. “Don’t tell me...tell me he didn’t go near you as a child. Tell me that psychopath wasn’t near you as a kid.”

“I could but it’d be a lie,” you said. He sat down on the bed and ran his hand over his mouth. “It’s my dad that killed those two girls. I know it. Let’s just go deal with him and move on.”

“We are not ending the conversation there. Alistair? That’s-“

“Minimum information,” you said. “I already told you more than enough.”

“Y/N-“

“You of all people can understand why I don’t want to talk about that.”

“I talked about it,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t want to and I did and you know what? After I did, I felt a little better. I trusted you enough to tell you.”

“Dean,” you said, pacing around the room. “It’s not a trust thing. I’ve never told anyone and if you ever find out the whole truth, not the scraps you know, you’ll never look at me the same. I know I’m broken but you didn’t make me feel like it. You guys never did and I know you’ll see what I really am if you ever hear the truth. I’m sorry but I can’t go through that.”

“So you think I was broken?” asked Dean. You rolled your eyes and he stood up. “Did you lie about that too?”

“Go fuck yourself, Dean,” you said, grabbing your backpack. “I never lied about anything like that. You know what? Thanks for everything but I’m gone.”

You stormed out of there, Dean barely getting to the door by the time you were down the block.

Four Hours Later

“Ouch,” you said as you groaned awake. You were cold and your body instantly recognized the chill. You sat upright, the air leaving your lungs.

It took a moment to realize you were panicking, breaths coming in little sharp jagged beats.

“Y/N,” you heard from the dark side of the basement. The voice sang song and you backed up against the cinderblock wall. You could feel the shirt you had on now and the light cotton shorts, feel the band on your ankle as you watched him step into the light. “Y/N. Relax, honey. Don’t work yourself up.”

“I…” you said, remembering sneaking into the house and then it all going dark.

“You promised that someday you’d come back and kill me. I took precautions and now...we can go back to the way things were,” he said as he knelt down.

“Dad, don’t,” you said, burrowing back into the corner.

“Hunters aren’t as invincible as they say. I’ll make you a deal. You be a good girl and let Dad have a bit of blood to sell off every so often since you have that been to hell thing going for you, and I will leave the townsfolk alone. Hm? How’s that sound?” he asked. “Or better yet, you be good and I won’t have to do that thing you don’t like.”

“Alistair is dead,” you said as you finally found your voice.

“I know. But I can fool your mind into believing it’s with him, feeling all of that. I’ve learned a few things since you’ve been gone,” he said. “So. Good girl?”

Your body shook and he smirked.

“Don’t worry. We’ll get back to the way things were soon enough.”

He stood up and pet your head, walking away before he hit the light outside the door and locked it.

You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to use your abilities but they were gone.

The Winchesters were your only hope.

It felt like a day had gone by before the door opened. Your father had already paid you one unpleasant visit and you weren’t ready for another.

“Oh shit,” said Dean as the room filled with light. You covered your eyes before you dared expose them to the brightness, Dean rushing over and cupping your cheeks. “Hi, sweetheart. I’m gonna get you out of here.”

“I’m sorry,” you said.

“Me too,” he said. “I forgive you, for all of it. I promise. Let’s get you someplace safe.”

“You can’t cut it,” you said. “You need to break the seal.”

“Do you know how to do that?” he asked.

“You got a knife?” you asked. Dean pulled out a knife and handed it to you. You took a deep breath and held the tip to your foot. You dug into the flesh and sighed. You took the blade and cut into the band, the thing snapping open after a moment.

“What is that?” he asked.

“You can’t run that way,” you said. You stood up and Dean went with you. He helped you walk, pausing when you stopped halfway.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you shakily said, stepping over the midpoint of the room, gritting your teeth as you got to the door. Dean picked you up and carried you past the storage area and up the basement stairs, walking you quietly out to the front step outside.

“Where’s my dad?” you asked.

“Sammy got him,” said Dean. “He’s in the office. I went looking for you.”

“Go check on Sam for me. I don’t trust my dad,” you said.

“If I see him, he’s getting a bullet,” said Dean. You nodded and Dean shrugged off his jacket, putting it over your shoulders before he headed inside. It was warm and smelled like him and you let yourself curl up in the warm safe feeling for a few minutes before you realized Dean hadn’t come back.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you stood and looked back at the house. You reached into the pocket of the jacket and pulled out Dean’s spare gun. It wasn’t his normal spare. You looked at it and recognized it as the the other one in the set he’d gotten for you years ago.

You took that as a sign and slowly limped into the house, gun raised as you headed towards the back.

You turned inside and saw your Dad standing by the fireplace, Dean and Sam both knocked out on the floor.

“Winchesters will sell nicely,” he said. “Pieces of course. You will be punished appropriately.”

“No,” you said quietly, pointing the gun. He glanced at you and the weapon flew out of your hands. You were forced down to the floor and you gasped, staring up at him.

“You lose. You always lose,” he said. He grabbed your arm and started to pull you back towards the hall and presumably down to the basement. You caught Dean lazily staring at you. He poked his left side wearily and you reached into his inner left jacket pocket.

The sound of a switchblade opening was deafening in the room, your father looking down just as you stabbed it into his thigh. You pulled it out and then scrambled backwards, your Dad stalking over you.

A gunshot rang out and he dropped to the ground. You rolled away, looking back to see Dean pointing his gun.

“You okay?” he asked.

You got to your feet and walked out of the room, sitting down on the front step. You tucked your head between your knees, a gentle hand on your back a few minutes later.

“You’re alright, sweetheart. You’re alright.”

“Hey,” said Dean the next morning as you finished off your hash brown by the water. “Neat little diner they got around here.”

“S’good pancakes,” you said, popping the last piece in your mouth.

“You uh, didn’t say much last night. Or this morning.”

“Didn’t feel like talking,” you said, swinging your feet from where you sat on the railing.

“You okay?”

“I feel better but I can’t believe it’s actually over,” you said. “I was always too scared to ever come back here.”

“I get it,” said Dean, leaning back against the railing, staring at the diner. “Talking...helps. Even if you were a pain in the ass about it back then.”

“You know when we met, I was so jealous of you. I really hated you,” you said.

“You did? Must have been my charming personality that won you over,” he chuckled.

“You were so happy and you and Sam...you have someone to love you, always. I know you weren’t happy like most people are but you got to have a little bit, a few moments at least. You guys always had each other and I wanted that so bad. I wish I’d had an older brother like you or a little one or something when I was a kid. You have no idea how screwed up I am, Dean,” you said.

“That’s funny,” he said, turning his head towards your own. “You’re one of the most normal people I know.”

“Dean.”

“I don’t know how or why but you are a good person, Y/N. Your parents from the little I do know were horrible. But you’re good and kind. You’re the opposite of screwed up.”

“I don’t feel like it,” you said.

“You will. Eventually,” he said, smiling softly. “Trust me. I learned from this really hot chick all the best ways to help.”

You glanced down and he moved behind you, wrapping his arms around you, kissing your cheek.

“I should have told you the truth back then,” you said.

“I should have been less of a dick. It’s okay. Nobody’s perfect,” he said.

“My parents made a demon deal,” you said, Dean shifting around to sit beside you. “You saw that house. My parents were nobody’s when they were younger. They wanted money and power and they met with a crossroads demon. They presented a unique deal. My soul for the deal,” you said. “I was almost two at the time I think.”

“That’s not possible,” said Dean.

“I know. The demon started to walk away when my parents got creative. Ten years from then, I’d go away for five years, with a demon. They could do whatever they wanted to me. The demon wasn’t interested at first but Alistair popped up all excited and said he wanted to test out some new stuff or something and then agreed. I spent my childhood knowing it was coming. Then I went away and lived in the Hellscape for five years. It’s like bringing hell to earth. It was basically this hidden away cabin in the woods. Apparently it can only be done every so often and needs a whole bunch of stuff and I was the lucky participant,” you said.

“Five years in hell or five years up here?” asked Dean.

“Up here.”

“Fuck,” he said, closing his eyes. “How many years…”

“If a month is ten years…” you said. “It wasn’t great. I blocked out a lot. I can’t even remember most of it. It was weird. I remember the pain but the duration is like a really crappy month or something. But yeah, I hung out in basically hell for five years before the deal was up. Alistair though, he liked me. He said I took a long time to break. He-”

“How long.”

“Hundred years,” you said, Dean nodding. “Dean...it wasn’t like what you went through. That was hell. This was his playground. Some days I was left alone.”

“Can I hear more?” he asked.

“So when my time was up, Alistair gave me the curse. He told me all about it, told me it would strip away the human emotions so I wouldn’t feel so bad. He encouraged me to rip my parents to shreds,” you said. “I wanted to too but when I got back home, I turned into the scared little girl again. I pretended to be a normal teenager at school and then home was...bad. But I met this boy. This guy was following me after one of the football games when I was walking home and this boy chased him off. Ricky. He was the gearhead kid and I was a stupid cheerleader and he was kind. He reminds me of you actually. We dated, secretly, and I started to open up and Ricky was so smart and it turned out he was a hunter’s kid.”

“Ricky Norris?” asked Dean.

“How do you…” you trailed off, Dean smiling sadly.

“Ricky was my friend when I was a little kid. It was rare to meet other hunter’s with kids. I didn’t see him much but I knew Ricky. I never heard from him after we were like twelve,” said Dean.

“His dad had stopped hunting. He and Ricky tried to help me. They helped me learn that my parents threats about going back to Alistair were lies, that it was a one time only thing. He taught me how to fight and what a safe home was and I was going to runaway, Ricky and I were during senior year. But he never showed up and I found out he’d been killed by my parents. So I went home and I didn’t think twice about killing my mom. She and my dad hurt the one person who ever loved me so I killed her and I told him next time I saw him I’d get rid of him too. Then I ran and I hunted and I got so low and down and I wanted that feeling of being loved so bad and then bam, you and Sam walk into my life and you suffocated me with it and I love you two more than you’ll ever know.”

“We know. It’s this thing called unconditional love. We know, Y/N and you got it too,” said Dean.

“You know Ricky had to explain that to me? I understood it. I saw it with my friends and their families but feeling it wasn’t something I ever got until I met you. Ricky tried, he did, but I was too scared to feel it the way you’re supposed to,” you said. “And he and his dad wound up dead because of me.”

“Hunters help people, sweetheart. If I know Ricky, me and him would have been fighting over the chance to help you out. Nothing that ever happened was you fault. You were a child. Barely a toddler. You did nothing wrong. Life handed you all the crap at once it seems,” he said.

“I couldn’t even sleep in my room upstairs. It was the pretend room. I was always in that basement,” you said, Dean putting an arm over your shoulders. “There’s so much they did.”

“All those people and things that hurt you are dead and I’m not gonna let anything else hurt you again. Neither is Sammy,” he said.

“I know,” you said, looking at your hands. “We lost a year because I wouldn’t tell you all of this.“

“What’s a year? We got this place, we got forever upstairs. Don’t sweat it. It’s okay,” said Dean. He took one of your hands and held it in his lap. “I love you.”

“I’m sorry I-“

“Stop apologizing. Please,” said Dean. “We’re good. It’s all good.”

You nodded and leaned your head on his shoulder.

“How about we take a little break from hunting, get everyone feeling better,” he said.

“I’d like that,” you said quietly.

“Me too, sweetheart.”

“Guys,” you sighed from the backseat a week later. “Why are we driving to some middle of nowhere town?”

“First off, we live in a middle of nowhere town too. Second, it’s a forty minute drive which is nothing. Third, it’s a surprise,” said Dean.

“I wanted to lay in bed and eat junk food,” you whined.

“We have a feeling you’re gonna like this,” said Sam. You sighed and a few minutes later they pulled up outside of a house. You followed them out of the car, Dean pursing his lips as he walked around Baby.

“So we may have been working a case this week without you knowing,” said Dean. “Yours.”

“Mine?” you asked.

“Your Dad said some stuff after you left that office last week. Tried to bargain us into helping him, before we finished him off,” said Sam.

“He said something that me and Sam looked into. It turns out, he was telling the truth,” said Dean.

“What?” you asked quietly.

“See that house?” asked Dean, pointing behind you.

“Yeah?”

“That’s your house,” said Sam with a big smile.

“I’m not following,” you said.

“That is your house. That is where your parents and brothers live,” said Dean, a smile spreading across his cheeks.

“I don’t…” you said.

“The people you thought were your parents? They stole you at a park to use you for their demon deal. Your real parents are inside,” said Dean.

“Real…” you said, both of them nodding.

“They’ve looked for decades. They ain’t half bad either. Your Dad had a blurry picture of you from your first Wendigo hunt. A little more resources and they might have eventually found you on your own,” said Sam.

“Did you talk to them?” you asked, staring at the house.

“A little. They didn’t believe us at first. I sent them a picture of you and that sealed the deal. They’re good people, Y/N. Whatever you want to do next is up to you, that’s their words,” said Dean.

You turned and headed for the front door, the boys hanging back by the car.

You swallowed as you rang the doorbell, your heart jumping into your throat when you heard someone on the other side.

An older man opened it, a cautious look on his face that turned into a long stare.

“Hi,” you said. He quickly stepped outside and hugged you, picking you up. “You’re my dad?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m your dad,” he laughed. “I’m your dad, kiddo.”

“Y/N,” said Dean, sitting on the back porch a few hours later. “Your mom makes like one of my top ten pies. Ever.”

“I’ll have to send you kids home with one,” she said as she sat back down next to you in the swing seat, your Dad on the other side.

“So what about school? You wanted to be a doctor when you were little,” he said.

“No she didn't. You were obsessed with trying to be a princess,” said your mom. Dean nearly choked on his pie as he started to laugh.

“Watch it Winchester,” you teased. “I uh, I left school and got my GED.”

“Y/N had a rough go of it,” said Dean.

“The people that took you...did they treat you okay?” asked your mom.

You glanced at Dean and took a deep breath.

“I found some people along the way that became my real family,” you said.

“Y/N. You don’t have to tell us. We’re just glad to have you back,” said your dad.

“I’m okay,” you said, smiling at Dean. “I can’t believe you had four boys.”

“Well the twins were a surprise,” said your dad. “Never had a girl though aside from you.”

“I don’t mind,” you said, Dean polishing off another piece and looking at your mom.

“Does he want more?” she whispered.

“It’s Dean. He always wants more pie, mom.”

“Hey,” said Dean that night as you wandered into the guest room at your parents house. “Was today good?”

“Very,” you said. “I’m not giving up hunting but knowing I have this is incredible.”

“You’ve had a rough go of it. Sam and I wanted to give you your family back,” said Dean as he sat down on the bed and got down to his boxers.

“Dean,” you said, crawling behind him and giving him a hug. “You gave me a family a long time ago. It just got bigger today is all.”

“We love you. We wanted you to know you have more than us though,” he said.

“The Winchester’s have always been enough. I’m so incredibly lucky I have you,” you said, kissing his cheek. “You gave me so much, Dean. I’m so happy to have met my parents and brothers but I’m a Winchester. I’m always going to be that.”

“You have choices now,” he said.

“Yeah. I know what I pick. Same thing as always,” you said. He smiled and cupped your cheek, pulling you into a kiss. “Thank you for today and how sweet you’ve been all week. I’ve been pretty awful to you lately and I never took care of you at all.”

“You were cursed and scared. I thought I told you to stop apologizing,” said Dean, brushing his thumb over your face. “I am okay. You can take care of me too but it’s give and take and I’m good with giving right now. You still need to heal. It’s only been a week. So let’s take a few days and get to know your family. Okay?”

“Okay,” you said, Dean swinging his legs up onto the bed and giving you another kiss. “I love you, Dean.”

“I love you too, Y/N. So, so much.”

_______

#spndeanbingo #dean x reader #spn #supernatural #one shot #dean winchester #dean x #dean winchester x reader #spn one shot

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demonicheadcanons · 4 years

Text

What the Demon Brothers Are Like When Sick

AN: MC is gender-neutral as always. Some of these skirt the line between being platonic and romantic - I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep things platonic so that more people could enjoy this, or if I should write as if you’re already in a relationship with the brothers, so its a bit of a mess. I hope you enjoy ^^

Lucifer

If you’re not close, you won’t see him. He’s going to hole himself up in his room for a day to get better as quickly as possible. Also he feels like getting ill can be seen as a weakness, so he’d prefer for people not to see him whilst he’s in that state.

He gets sick often enough - he works hard for long hours and doesn’t get much sleep. However he’s also good at just, pretending he isn’t? His focus may be a little off, and he might be quiet or more lenient towards the other brothers because he doesn’t have the energy to scold them for hours on end, but these will be the only signs something isn’t right.

If you are close, he’ll still be wary about letting you know. Again, he doesn’t want to be seen as weak; it’d hurt his pride.

On top of this, he also worries that it might be contagious, and humans are much weaker than demons - if he’s struggling with something, it would absolutely outright kill a human. If its a disease that a human can get, his door is locked and you’re not getting near him no matter what.

Note: he is the only brother other than Satan that even considers this, and so if any of the brothers are sick in a way that could be contagious for humans, it’s him setting boundaries so that you won’t get sick.

When he does trust you enough, he’ll insist on laying with his head in your lap. He’ll tell you that having you run your fingers through his hair helps relieve the headache - it’s partially the truth, at least.

Enjoys being taken care of for once, instead of having to take care of others, but the chances of him admitting it are low. He’s self-sufficient and he doesn’t need anyone to look after him. But it’s still nice, and he’ll completely melt and stop putting up any defence if you kiss him, even if its on the cheek or forehead. He doesn’t feel like he has to fight things that make him happy right now.

Hold a glass of water or a cup of tea up for him and he’ll look straight at you as he sips at it, examining your expression and making sure you’re alright. If you seem to be stressed or upset, he’ll make you leave or cuddle up to him.

Won’t let you do any work for him - he’s a perfectionist and doesn’t trust anyone except Diavolo and maybe Barbatos to work to the same standards as him (*cough* and maybe Satan, if he’s really inspired). However, when he’s recovering and can work again, he’ll ask for your company; you can sit beside him, sit in his lap, even just lay in his bed whilst he works at his desk. Whatever you prefer. All that matters is that he has you nearby.

Will take you out to dinner or shopping as a thank you for helping him.

Mammon

If you’re not close (which, to be honest, would only happen if you don’t like him, because he likes anyone who’s nice to him) then you’ll see him complaining in the group chat and that’s... pretty much it. Sticks to his room until he’s better if he doesn’t feel like you’d take care of him.

If you are close, you can bet he’ll blow up your phone with calls and messages to come look after him for a bit, or to bring him this and that - water, painkillers, blankets, pillows, wipes so he feels less gross. Anything at all that can make him feel better, and that will make you have to stop by his room.

Mostly he just wants someone around because he feels lonely often anyway, but it gets unbearable when he’s ill. Before you were around, he’d push himself to keep going about his day so that he wouldn’t have to be alone.

Run a hand through his hair and help gently wipe his face and he’ll melt. He’s bright red and insistent that he doesn’t need some stupid human’s help, but he’ll shut up quickly if you continue to pat his head or hold his hand.

“Fine. Since you’re so desperate to be around The Great Mammon, I guess I’ll let you stay.” Yeah no, his grip is so tight on your hand that you’re not getting away anyway.

Recovers surprisingly quickly, and doesn’t get sick that often. However, he will insist that he’s better before he actually is, because he gets bored laying about doing nothing - he’s a busy guy, he has money to make and so on. You’ll have to force him to stay in bed for a bit longer even when he’s absolutely sure he’s better, because he really isn’t.

This will stop happening if you give him a lot of attention when he’s sick - he’s a sucker for affection. Cuddle up to him and he’ll stay in bed for as long as you think he should to get better. Honestly it isn’t even fully necessary - he hates seeing you upset or worried, so if you plead for him to take better care of himself he might actually consider trying.

Delirious rambling is common for him. He’ll be half asleep and look up at you and just tell you anything that comes to mind. This is as open as he gets about his feelings, and he might complain to you or tell you about this thing he saw when he was out that kind of reminded him of you, or about that one time when Lucifer did something embarrassing when they were still angels. Despite being too loose-lipped to keep short-term secrets, he’s not a gossip and so this is the only time he’ll tell you about any of the other brother’s personal matters. Please don’t tattle on him - he really was just out of it and didn’t mean to do anything bad.

He cries easily normally, and it gets worse when he’s sick - if you’re watching shows with him whilst he recovers, he’s going to be blubbering over anything even slightly sad or happy. Make sure you have a box of tissues and some treats that won’t make him feel too sick to cheer him up.

He’s going to ask for help with catching up on school work when he’s better, but he’ll repay you in any way you ask him so long as it doesn’t involve much grimm being spent. Maths tutoring is a big one - he hates doing work, but he’s really good at maths canonically. Essentially, if you’ll do his other subjects for him, he’ll do your maths homework for you. You’ll probably end up doing more work, but you get to spend even more time for him if that makes up for anything?

Additional note: Mammon is the only brother who Lucifer will give you time off school to take care of. This is because he knows Mammon won’t want to be alone and will probably stress out so much that he’ll end up worse off. It means he has a way of monitoring Mammon without having to be around him, and he doesn’t have to worry. This won’t be the reason he gives you - he’ll act like its a problem that you’re missing classes and will imply that he’s only just barely allowing it, but will give you permission at the end of the day because “well, it will keep him out of my hair at least.”

Leviathan

Like Mammon, if you’re not close you just won’t hear from him. He can get quite irritable when he’s sick, and holes himself up in his room so he doesn’t have to deal with anyone. Honestly no one will know he’s sick unless he misses school and Lucifer orders someone to check up on him, because nothing much changes except that he messages the group chat less.

He acts a bit like Belphie when he’s sick, and sleeps through most of it cuddled up to his Ruri-Chan body pillow, with TSL on in the background as a grounding comfort.

He doesn’t get sick often. His immune system isn’t the best, because he never goes out. At the same time, because he tends to avoid people anyway, the likelihood of him catching anything is low.

If you are close, not much will be different - you’ll have to seek him out to notice he’s sick, or he’ll tell you in the context of asking you to set a show to record or go to a store for a special promotion involving something he’s interested in. He doesn’t really look for any comfort, but the closer you two are, the more upset he’ll be because now he knows what its like to be close to someone and it makes him miss it.

Won’t initiate anything, but he’s less flustered about physical affection because he’s just so tired. He still blushes when you so much as hug him, but he won’t protest or put himself down, he just holds on as tight as he can manage and nuzzles as close to you as possible. He likes sitting like that for as long as you’re comfortable.

He’s disturbingly quiet compared to when he’s healthy. He can tolerate headaches because he’s used to them from staring at screens constantly, but the second he has a fever or feels nauseous he’s silent. You can try to prompt him but he’ll get out a small amount of info and then just, pout and frown off into the distance because he doesn’t feel good and he hates it. He prefers for you to talk to him at these times, in a calm and level enough voice - especially if you talk about something that you’re very passionate about.

Levi is bad at taking care of himself at the best of times, but when he’s sick he’s surprisingly obedient. If you ask him to drink some water or try and eat something, he will. He needs the reminders but once they’re there he’ll follow them pretty well. Without them he’s going to spend the entire time in his bathtub bed. If he’s really, really sick, he’s going to take out all the pillows and fill it with water and he’ll sleep off the sickness in his demon form with his head underwater. He’ll only do this if left alone, though.

If you sit or lay beside him when he’s laying down, he’ll alternate between holding your hands and playing with them. He’s too tired to be nervous and it really calms him down. If you remind him when he’s better he’s going to turn bright red and stammer out something about how “of course you wouldn’t want a gross otaku like me to hold your hand.” However, the memories, as fuzzy as they may be, make him happy and if you two are napping together even when he’s not sick any more, he’ll still play with your hands once he believes you’re asleep.

Once he’s better, he’ll catch up on schoolwork quickly be himself - he wants to get it out of the way as soon as possible so that he can catch up on all the shows and games he missed. You won’t see him for a day or two as he catches up on everything unless you ask to spend time with him, and he gets really flustered and happy because you already spent a lot of time together and you still want to be around him?

Overall, he’s pretty self-sufficient compared to most of the other brothers, because he’s used to spending time by himself and being sick doesn’t completely uproot his life. Alongside Lucifer, he’s also the most likely to get you a gift to thank you for sticking by him. If you were looking for anything, he’ll have ordered it before starting to catch up on his school work.

Note: He’s silent almost the entire time he’s sick, but at least once a day for as long as it lasts he’ll open his eyes and stare up at you and groggily mumble about if you could please feed Henry, the fish flakes are over on his desk, thanks. Also, you’ll hear him all you by your actual name the most when he’s sick because he forgets to call you a normie.

Satan

If you’re not close, like with the others you really just won’t hear from him. He’s going to be following whatever advice he found in books to get better as quickly as possible, or he’ll buy a potion if there’s one that will help. If nothing is helping, he’s going to be confined to his room because he’s in a constant bad mood and doesn’t have a good handle on his anger.

Even if you are close, he’ll ask to be left alone whilst he’s recovering because he knows he might snap and say or do something that he’ll regret. The only time he’ll willingly let you be around him is if he knows he isn’t contagious, and if he’s too weak to do anything. Its a rarity like no other, because it involves so much trust in both you and himself. If you force yourself into his room and insist on taking care of him anyway, he’s not going to say a word because he’ll be too focused on keeping himself under control.

He essentially becomes like a cat that is constantly fighting the urge to claw at your hands. Be slow and gentle around him, and keep your voice low. If you can get close enough to pat his head or let him curl up with his head in your lap, then you’re safe. However, if you’re loud or knock over his books he will quite literally growl at you, teeth-bared, and you’re going to want to get out of the room as soon as possible.

Once you manage to get close to him, keep a hand on his head and read quietly to him and he’ll pass out pretty quickly. He prefers for you to read fairy tales at times like this over anything else.

If you’re like this and another brother is loud outside of the room or bursts into the room he’s going to be furious. He’ll grip your wrist - possibly tight enough that it’ll leave a faint bruise - to keep you in place and glare at them until they back off, or just glare at the door until the noise stops. You’re pretty much trapped with him unless you can somehow figure out how to get up without waking him up, and if he wakes up and you’re gone you’re going to be hard-pressed trying to get him to let you get close again.

He’s going to be embarrassed once he recovers, and it really is best just to not bring any of it up again. After the first time he gets sick, he will seek you out if you were able to get close and you took good care of him - he’ll text you to bring water and painkillers to his room because he’s sick, and after that he’ll ask you to read to him again. He seems more normal each time, but make no mistake - if anyone else tries to be around him they won’t get away unscathed.

Satan really goes from one of the most reasonable brothers to acting very much like a demon, or like some kind of animal fighting to appear human.

When he’s better, he’ll thank you for helping him. If you don’t seem to be scared of him even after seeing him in that state, he’ll stick a little closer to you in future. He doesn’t try to repay you in any specific way, but he will help you out in little ways over time. If you don’t help him whilst he’s sick, he’s going to be understanding, but if you decided to help him and then ended up afraid of him he’ll be frustrated because he warned you and you ignored it.

Asmodeus

Unless you really seem to not like him, he’s going to act similar whether you two are close or not; he’s complaining in the groupchat about being sick and about how awful his screen feels right now and so on. This will continue until you either take it upon yourself to go take care of him, or Lucifer sets up a rota where everyone has to go spend some time with him so Asmo will stop blowing up his phone.

Asmo doesn’t seem to change much when he’s sick, but he’ll have moments where he lays quietly and stares up at the ceiling because he’s overthinking something or he feels alone and hates it. He needs to be distracted constantly - paint his nails, or help him wash and moisturise his face, or tell him whatever silly stuff his brothers have been up to lately and he’ll brighten up a bit.

If he’s sweaty or feels like he looks even slightly less beautiful than normal, he’ll try to hide his face beneath a pillow at times because if you’re going to think about him, he’d rather not have you remember what he looks like right now, even if he’s still the most attractive person in the three realms. Enough compliments will draw him out but he may make a few inappropriate remarks in response.

Overall he acts similar to how he normally is, with a little more complaining and a slight cut down on his more suggestive comments. He’ll want to be pampered and taken care of and will make his wants known, but once you’re there with him he’s able to stay calm about the entire thing unless it goes on for too long and he feels like it’s going to take time and effort to get himself looking as good as he usually does again.

If you’re very close, and he’s realising that he has genuine feelings, then he’s going to have brief periods where he’s vert soft with you - he’ll ask you to lay down beside him and he’ll hold your face in his hands and whisper to you, being honest about how he feels and telling you what he likes about you, and asking you questions about yourself and about how you feel about him. He gets a little teary-eyed at these times because he’s really happy that you’re there with him even when he’s not in top shape.

The absolutely worst with food when he’s sick. He’s picky and he’ll turn his nose up at almost everything. If it has a smell it’s making him nauseous, but if it doesn’t have any taste at all he’s going to refuse to eat it because if he wanted his food to be bland he’d go ask Solomon to cook for him. Asmo is most at risk of making himself more sick by only eating sweeter foods because they’re all he can tolerate.

He’s a healthy person generally - he takes good care of himself, it’s a huge priority of his. He doesn’t get sick often but he takes longer to recover than most of the other brothers, and it really frustrates him.

Overall, just stay close to him and help him take care of himself in whatever way you can and he’ll be alright. This is probably the safest time to be around him, because he’s not in the mood to try anything when one of the participating parties is sick, whether it be you or him. When he gets better, though, he’s going to be very suggestive for a while because he insists he’s running on a deficit and needs attention.

He won’t necessarily reward you or thank you directly for helping him - I mean, you got to spend all that extra time around him, and that was a treat in and of itself even if he was sick the entire time - but he’ll invite you over for face masks and will paint your nails and offer to give you a nice massage. Essentially, whatever you’re down to do, he’s also down for once he’s better and is able to have a nice bath and fully wash away all traces of the illness.

Beelzebub

If you’re not close, you’ll know he’s sick because there’s suddenly a lot more food around than there was before with him not around to eat it, and Belphie is complaining about how his stomach hurts because Beel is sick. Beel, himself, will stick to only complaining to Belphie in their room, or he’ll ask Lucifer to find a way to help him feel better. Whilst doctors will be called for all brothers if their condition seems serious, its incredibly likely that one will be called for Beel immediately no matter what.

If you are close, you’re going to be stuck by his side the entire time he’s unwell unless you really have something to do and Belphie agrees to spend the time with Beel instead. He really doesn’t want to be alone, and he’ll cling to anyone who comes near him. If you’re uncomfortable with physical affection you’d be best avoiding him whilst he’s sick.

Otherwise, Beel will wrap you up in his arms and cuddle with you, holding you as close as he can. He’s going to be wary of not hurting you, and he’s essentially a furnace when he’s not well so he’ll release his grip slightly if you seem to be overheating (Belphie sets up a fan so it stops being as much of a problem, thankfully). If he’s really sick and can’t focus, you’ll have to remind him if he’s holding you too tight or you’re starting to overheat because he won’t stop himself from holding you as close as physically possible and essentially wrapping himself around you like a koala bear.

Beel isn’t one for words irregardless of how he’s feeling, but you can hear him making a quiet whining noise in his throat every now and then if you listen carefully - when he’s really distressed, the sound is near constant and sounds like flies buzzing. Being sick is one of the worst things ever to him, and he can never get used to it because it’s such an uncommon state for him. He’s a healthy guy generally, as he’s sporty and active and takes good care of himself. He’s usually fairly immune to most illnesses.

Nothing really makes him feel that much better except for you to stay close by. He appreciates small gestures - gentle kisses on his cheeks or hands, words of comfort, and humming to him will calm him down enough that he might be able to sleep it off.

One good day of rest and he’ll be back on his feet, better than ever and ready to eat everything in the kitchen. If you cook for him or with him? He’s in love. Even if you don’t, he’s still going to insist that he has at least one arm around you at all times, and if you’re comfortable with it he’ll probably take to carrying you around with him half the time when he’s recovering - its his own way of saying thank you and that he appreciates what you do for him.

He won’t do anything special otherwise to thank you. However, because he and Belphie both tend to get sick at the same time, if you tend to both of them he’ll definitely try to repay you in some way. Usually this just involves giving you some kind of snack when he’s filling up again. If he knows there’s something you really like to eat, he’ll sneak out when you’re sleeping and get some for the two of you, as well as something for Belphie.

Belphegor

If you’re not close you’ll still know he’s sick because he’ll be trying to help Beel feel better first before he focuses on himself, and he’ll be grumbling the whole time. He’s angry and he’s not going to put up with anything, and the second Beel’s asleep he’s not leaving their room, or he’s locking himself up in the attic and sleeping until he’s better. No one except Beel and Lucifer dares to go near him when he’s like this - even then, Lucifer only checks up on him if he really needs something, or to make sure Belphie is okay because he’s the youngest brother and Luci very occasionally babies him.

If you are close, much like Beel you’re going to have to avoid him if you don’t want to spend the next few days cuddled up with him. He tends to be sick for longer, and if you’re not careful he’ll try to get you to spend the entire time in the attic, wrapped up in his arms.

He’s the only one who will end up in his demon form for the majority of the time he’s ill even if you’re around, for a variety of reasons; he doesn’t have the energy to maintain his more human-like form, he’s too frustrated and doesn’t care enough, etc. Also he finds it comforting to wrap his tail around you in some way if you’re okay with it so you won’t leave when he’s napping.

Belphie won’t admit to it, but the worst thing you can do when he’s sick is leave and not be back before he wakes up. Similarly to Satan, it upsets him to the point where he’ll get angry and refuse to let you back into the room, but he can be convinced fairly easily or bribed with the offer of letting him sleep with his head in your lap, with you running your hands through his hair.

As mentioned before for Beel, the two often get sick at the same time. Belphegor will be less clingy if you’re also taking care of Beel, and ten times more grateful. He won’t let you go for anything, but the second you mention that you need to check up on Beel too he’s already released his grip and he’s grumbling about how you better come back as soon as possible.

When he gets better, he doesn’t really see a need to thank you or anything - not because he’s ungrateful, but because you two are close and he’d take care of you if you were sick too. He sees it as a normal and expected thing. If he was snappy with you, he’ll apologise indirectly, but otherwise he doesn’t say anything about it. If you did end up taking care of both him and Beel he’ll pat you on the head and probably offer to let you rest with your head in his lap for once.

AN: Thanks for reading! If its highly requested I’ll do this for the Undateables too. In the meantime, I plan to write about how the brothers take care of MC when they’re sick.

#om headcanons #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #my writing #i hope the read more appears okay so that people can tell there's more than just luci's ;u;

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wh33zy · 3 years

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My Read on Terrorist: the Black Sheep of Junjou Romantica

Tonight, I wanted to do an analysis of the most controversial couple to enter Nakamura’s arena and to make waves in the BL world. I will be analyzing them both separately and then together. Through the scrutiny of all fans alike, they have prevailed and have become one of the healthiest as well as charming couples that Nakamura has created to date. This is all despite the fucked up situation that they’re in.

So, why were/are they vehemently hated? The main reason I found was because of their seventeen year age gap. As a refresher: Miyagi starts the story at the age of 34 and Shinobu starts at 17, months away from turning 18. Miyagi was more recently divorced from Shinobu’s older sister, Risako, who are both the children of the dean at Mitsuhashi University where Miyagi works as a tenured professor. Upon hearing about Miyagi’s divorce, Shinobu flew back to Japan from studying abroad in Australia in order to pursue him. Through Miyagi trying to get Shinobu to fall out of love with him as well as trying to help get him into college, Miyagi ends up catching feelings for Shinobu. This is where their relationship starts.

Takatsuki Shinobu: He isn’t a terribly complex character, but one of the most interesting yet. He still remains quite mysterious, as he won’t share any details about himself unless someone asks, so for likes/dislikes as well as hobbies, I think he has a lot of potential to be even more interesting as the chapters go on. But, we do know that he is incredibly book smart from the way he excels in all of his studies/studied abroad/is bilingual and socially smart with the way he seems to make a lot of friends pretty easily.

His emotions run incredibly deep, and each one he feels hits him incredibly hard where he can’t help but express it outwardly. He has a pretty aggressive way of doing it too. This is evident by the way he’ll throw a punch if he’s mad (not a serious one) or tackle Miyagi in a hug when he’s really happy. He’s an open book who’ll let you know what he thinks without any fear, no matter who you are. Not only does this make him the peak of direct and straightforward, but this can make him rather intimidating and come even more aggressive than he already does.

He’s a tough guy, doesn’t look it, but he is. He’s a little rough around the edges. I am of the opinion that he was sent to Australia to be tamed but only came back tougher. The Texas of Britain only made him even stronger and this is evident by the way he cowers when he’s fourteen when he’s confronted by three grown men. If adult Shinobu were in the situation, those three men would have their souls snatched. What this paragraph is saying is that Shinobu is the type of person who when thrown to the wolves, he comes back leading the pack.

He’s also the most ambitious and determined in terms of getting what he wants out of life. If he wants it, Shinobu will try his damnedest to get it with no hesitation. He’s either all in or not at all. At the same time, however, he won’t waste his own time/energy. If it isn’t meant to be, he will completely change course to move on.

I think this is what separates him from almost all of Nakamura’s characters; when he found out about Miyagi still having feelings for his sensei, he wasn’t willing to wait around. While he did love Miyagi with all he had, he took it upon himself to look out for his own best interests and move on. I think he realizes that love, more specifically with Miyagi, is an amazing luxury and a dream but not a necessity in his life. Shinobu wanted to be someone’s number one and someone to be ride or die for him as well, since he would be the same, so he only accepted Miyagi when became that someone.

At the same time, Shinobu didn’t force nor want Miyagi to forget about his sensei because he understood that she was an important part of his life. While it does seem like he was acting in desperation, this is why I don’t think it was. Shinobu wanted Miyagi before his sister married him so when the divorce happened, he took his chance to pursue Miyagi, and was ready to back out (more than once!) when it didn’t seem like it would work.

Here’s the thing that makes him more mortal: he’s kind of insecure. While he does have confidence in his abilities to do anything, he actually worries about what people think of him. He wants to be well-liked, he wants to be someone who people think is great. He also worries a lot about how Miyagi sees him, if he’s too immature and young for him. However, he turns these things into self-improvement instead of wallowing. He constantly works on improving cooking and being more social, smiling more, etc.

At the end of the day, Shinobu has a lot of self respect, a drive to improve, and is very considerate towards others (although it’s not obvious, he is!) and I found him to be pretty mature for someone just entering adulthood. All of the reasons above are why he is one of my favorites and why I find him a force to be reckoned with.

Miyagi Yoh: He’s a pretty simple guy: Graduated high school, went to college, found his career, got married (then divorced), is a history buff, and an avid reader. He has pretty traditional leaning values and views and can be a jokester at times. There really isn’t a lot to Miyagi, but I personally don’t think there needs to be. He’s actually the more laid back one in the relationship, although he has his moments where he can be uptight and more reserved.

He’s a more gentle person and definitely cares about being professional, about the proper ways to go about things. Although he is ambitious when it comes to the important stuff, he can sometimes be quite wishy-washy and unsure of himself. His confidence in his own abilities isn’t terribly high, but he does try his best. He does tend to go with the flow sometimes and struggles with handling difficult situations.

He also has his insecurities that are quite similar to Shinobu: his age and if he good enough. In the manga, you see these come up a lot, since he worries about these things pretty often. It’s why he gets so bothered by Shinobu smiling and getting along with girls his age. He can’t help but worry that maybe Shinobu might want that “normal” life and leave him for it.

Which brings me to his main problem: anxiety. A lot of Miyagi’s acting out or on impulse stem from harboring a lot of anxiety. He tends to worry a lot about the future, if he’s doing enough, if he’s good enough, Shinobu’s feelings, Shinobu’s well-being, Shinobu’s future, and being left behind again. When he spirals into anxiety for one of these reasons, he tends to shut down and close himself off or act on impulse.

While it does seem like he has a much better handle on controlling, hiding, and understanding his feelings/emotions, he really fucking doesn’t. What he really does with his feelings is not express them or acknowledge them and hold them in until they explode. I think this stems from the fact that he’s supposed to be the ‘calm and collected adult’, and having to hide his feelings for his sensei when he was with Risako. Now, let’s talk about his sensei for a moment: the sensei I’m referring to is the first women he fell in love with when he was in high school where they had a similar age gap to him and Shinobu now. Sensei was terminally ill and Miyagi helped with some of her care and was also there at the time of her passing. He never seemed to get over her for the next seventeen or so years after that. Miyagi squashed down his grief, so he never really coped or got through it.

It and the divorce also left him with some abandonment issues which is another explanation why he was so upset when he found out Shinobu was planning to leave and went after him even though it collided with him not wanted to acknowledge his feelings. This also explains his jealousy when he sees Shinobu acting cheerfully with others; he’s afraid of being left behind again.

So, I can confidently say that Miyagi doesn’t like dealing with his emotions and maybe doesn’t know how to. He’s also not confident in how he should go about them. This is especially prominent in the way that he’s not sure when/if he should be affectionate with Shinobu. He worries about the timing of it, what if Shinobu isn’t in the mood, if he should bother Shinobu with it in the first place, etc. This caused him to not really take any initiative in their relationship for a while until he realized it (with Shinobu’s help of course) and worked on it to improve.

The Relationship: So, ironically, although they have the most problematic and drama inducing set up, they are the healthiest couple yet. They are healthier than the main couple on the cover (I have yet to see Romantica be as open with each other as they are but Romantica is on their way)! Of course, they’re not at Mistake level...yet.

Whatever problems in their relationship, insecurities, inner most feelings, and needs are discussed. They are both big on communication, and have been irritated when one of them isn’t talking. They also don’t hide their feelings or issues from each other, so their level of understanding one another’s points of view is pretty high. If there’s something wrong, they talk it out and it’s solved by the end of the chapter. Showing affection also is not a big deal in the sense that no one is too embarrassed or too desperate. They can hug and kiss casually without it being a big thing. They never have to wonder if they’re wanted by each other and they make it obvious that they care. They also make an effort to spend time with each other and plan dates. They also are interested and invested in each other’s lives/interests. They are just plain sweet on one another.

Terrorist is what the title suggests: Pure Romance.

But all of this is ignored, these two barely given a chance by a lot of fans because of their age gap. Because an almost middle aged man is dating his ex-wife’s younger brother which is the ultimate betrayal by a sibling and an ex. Which, I understand! I totally don’t blame someone for being uncomfortable with this sort of thing and it turning them off! But, don’t hate on them and then in the same breath uplift Egoist/Minimum or Nostalgia when they WISH they could be half as functional and sweet as Terrorist is.

And that is the darjeeling!

#junjou romantica #junjou terrorist #miyagi yoh #takatsuki shinobu

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tallstars-rewrite · 3 years

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Chapter 20

chapter list / previous / next

As Reena said, the visitors kept to themselves for several days after Hen passed away. Heatherstar sent someone to inform them they would be allowed to stay visiting their territory for at least the rest of greenleaf if they wanted more time to say goodbye to their companion. She seemed genuinely remorseful that WindClan had not been able to help, but Bess and her company were grateful as ever that WindClan had offered at all. Well, almost all of them. Tallpaw hadn’t seen any sign of Sparrow at all since he’d ran from the camp that day, and neither had anyone else in the clan as far as he knew. He couldn’t place why, but it made him uneasy how effortlessly the little loner crept around undetected. Reena claimed Sparrow was still with them, that he’d never leave for good, but even she wasn’t seeing him very often. It clearly worried her, but there was nothing to do but give him more time.

The amount of energy Tallpaw had to spend on pitying the cold loner was limited anyway. He, unsurprisingly, still hadn’t had a single conversation with his father. When Heatherstar heard about the accident that had happened in the tunnels, Sandstone’s project was put on indefinite hold. Tallpaw had been very careful not to be in camp during that time, but based on what he overheard from Woollycloud, his father had not taken it well at all. Now he was honestly terrified to risk even being in Sandstone’s line of sight without an escape route, so it was safer to continue being out of camp as much as possible, and hiding behind other cats when he had to be. Tallpaw was completely exhausted from all the extra patrols and hunting missions he kept insisting to Dawnstripe he definitely had the energy for, but in the end, it was worth it. Besides, now that it was clear he was no natural tunneler, there was more time to double down on moor runner training, to make it up to Dawnstripe. Tallpaw had to at least not let some cat down.

Late newleaf storms had returned hard, cloaking the moor in a gloomy shade. It was difficult to tell how low the sun was from behind the thick cloud cover. Tallpaw trailed along on his second patrol that day, almost grateful for the rainy chill to keep him awake while the sunset patrol was scouting from the north to the eastern border. It wasn’t ideal in the wet weather, but Tallpaw preferred water in the grass infinitely more to the thought of water leaking into tunnel walls around him, so he was among the few younger cats who didn’t complain about damp patrols.

Shrewpaw, Hareflight, Brackenwing, and Fallowspring traveled with them. Even through the slight haze of exhaustion that always weighed on him in some way or another, Tallpaw could feel that he had gotten stronger in the moons since he started training. He and Shrewpaw walked a bit ahead of the others, keeping an eye out for a chance to catch something. Stuck only training with each other, their teamwork hunting had vastly improved since their first attempt. Shrewpaw silently signaled to him the location of a rabbit a short distance off from the patrol. Wordlessly, they fanned out from one another as the rest of their patrol paused to watch. They had the luck of being down wind on their side. Tallpaw crept as close as he dared before he shot out of the grass. The rabbit wheeled around and took off, Tallpaws claws only managing to graze it. But he had expected as much. Keeping close behind it, he drove it to where he knew Shrewpaw was waiting, and in a brown blur of fur, Shrewpaw rammed into it from the side. The animal was almost the same size as the apprentices, and it put up a fight. Tallpaw gripped it by its shoulders and yanked its head up, allowing Shrewpaw to jump on top of it and sink his teeth into the side of its neck. The rabbit eventually stopped kicking, Shrewpaw yowled triumphantly while he heard their patrol call out their praise at the fairly clean catch.

Tallpaw rolled the rabbit off of him “You’re welcome by the way, for letting you show off with the final kill. Aren’t you glad Fallowspring joined the patrol?”

Shrewpaw flattened his ears “Like I need your help to show off.”

As they dragged the rabbit back to the patrol together, Dawnstripe called, “we may need to have some of you branch off early to take that back. Unless you want to try dragging it the long way home.”

“It's not too long a run straight to camp from here, so I’ll come back when we’re finished.” Tallpaw said.

“I almost thought that rabbit was going to pummel you,” Fallowspring laughed. “It’s as big as Shrewpaw is.”

“Good thing my claws are better,” Shrewpaw boasted, licking rabbit blood from his muzzle.

The roll in the rain laden grass had soaked them both. Tallpaw sneezed disdainfully as Shrewpaw shook water droplets into his nose. “Maybe Briarpaw had the right idea after all, not having to go on patrols like us. He’d be even heavier than you in this weather.” Tallpaw said.

Shrewpaw sniffed. “Sure, but I still think going out more often would be better for his head. Did you see him this morning? He got all worked up about some prey blood on the ground, or something like that. Apparently he’s ‘really sure this time’ that something bad will happen, he’s been on about it for days.” Shrewpaw lowered his voice. “He keeps saying I can’t tell the old badger-face about all of his worrying. Like he thinks if Hawkheart sees him getting too worked up, he’ll make him quit training .”

Tallpaw frowned. “Well...did Briarpaw consider that Hen passing away might have been the ‘bad thing’? A cat did die, that’s pretty bad.”

“Try telling him that.”

They’d fallen a bit behind the rest of the patrol, and Brackenwing turned her head to them. “Don’t think I can’t hear you two gossiping back there.”

“Sorry,” Tallpaw ducked his head, “We’re just worried about him.” Or I am at least. Shrewpaw seemed more exasperated by his brother than anything.

“I know it’s hard to understand what he’s doing, but he’ll be fine. When Briarpaw has his heart set on something, he sees it through. I’m sure Hawkheart will help him sort through this. Maybe you could bring him your rabbit to cheer him up when we get back. It was an incredible catch! I’m so proud of you,” Brackenwing looked warmly to her son, and then added to Tallpaw, “both of you. Your mother will be thrilled to see what a great hunter you are shaping up to be.”

Tallpaw wordlessly nodded and thanked her. Brackenwing spoke of his mother more than his mother spoke to him. At this point, he just let it go as if it was normal how little he saw her. Patrolling felt good to get his restless energy out, but sure enough there crept that familiar heaviness into his chest when he thought of Palebird. After all, part of why he wanted his father to understand him so desperately was because he didn’t want to lose him like he had her. So much for that. Though he’d sometimes catch Palebird staring at him from afar, he knew if she wanted him to approach first, she was going to be disappointed. Brackenwing had even tried to convince Palebird to join them on their patrol today, where she could have seen his progress for herself, but her “illness” that he knew little about had spiked up again, and she hadn’t left her den. Brackenwing seemed like she was trying not to draw attention to their distance, but she must have noticed the wistfulness in his response.

She quietly licked his ear and murmured, “she really is proud of you. Your mother is going through a difficult time right now, but she loves you. I’m sure she’ll be able to join us on patrols again soon.”

Some part Tallpaw wanted to ask if she knew why his mother was so distant, but he was never sure if Brackenwing was being honest with him. If his mother was disappointed in him, he’d never hear it from Brackenwing. She only offered him praise and tried to smooth things over best she could. Sometimes Tallpaw wished he really had been Brackenwing’s kit as well. It was so easy between her and her kits, even when Briarpaw had chosen an unexpected path. But it would do him no good to dwell on that, and wishing his own kin away only increased the guilt weighing down his paws.

The patrol had very nearly made the complete round. As they approached the north-eastern border that ran against the treeline before the Thunderpath, he pricked his ears and stared a bit nervously off into the trees as the patrol marked the border.

“Things have been quiet on ShadowClan’s side for a while,” Dawnstripe said warily.

“Do you think Heatherstar was right to call their bluff?” Tallpaw asked.

“One can never be too sure.” Hareflight warned. “Keep a careful eye out, we’re still under orders to make sure this border is marked especially well.”

Tallpaw and Shrewpaw wandered a bit further ahead. Shrewpaw was casting glares into the dark pines on the border.

“I swear I can smell something,” he muttered. “If ShadowClan shows their muzzles anywhere near here again, I'll tear them off their ugly faces.”

Tallpaw opened his jaws to scent the air. A particularly foul smelling monster had rumbled by not long ago, and it clouded many of the other scents around him. It was hard to tell if the ShadowClan he tasted was from their side of the border or over it. He got so caught up narrowing his eyes at every shape that moved in the trees, he didn’t realize the patrol had gotten ahead of him. As he turned to catch up, a very loud, and very deliberate, crack made him jump and wheel back around.

“Shrewpaw--” he hissed, looking around desperately for the other apprentice. Something moved in the undergrowth up ahead. Another crack. Tallpaw hurried forward and heard Shrewpaw’s snarl before he saw the dark cat sitting above him in a thin branch, glowering down at them with a malicious sneer.

“Whoops,” the tom said, and Tallpaw recognized the smug bratty face of Darkpaw, crooked tail flicking barley within reach. “Looks like I've been spotted.”

Shrewpaw gave a low growl, loud enough to catch the rest of the patrol's attention. Fallowspring was there in an instant, bursting through the undergrowth to stand between them

“What do you think you’re doing up there, you little rat?” she demanded.

“Just an undersized apprentice isn’t much of an invasion.” Dawnstripe snorted.

“I’ll drag him down!” Shrewpaw swiped viciously at the ShadowClan tom's tail.

Darkpaw blinked at the patrol surrounding him with wide orange eyes. “Oh no,” he whimpered, “you’re not going to hurt me are you? What would I do then?”

He was clearly mocking them. Did he think they wouldn’t attack him just because he was an apprentice? He was certainly old enough to know better. Dawnstripe and Hareflight looked at each other, clearly annoyed, but not worried.

Tallpaw saw Dawnstripe nod to him. “Why don’t you get rid of this runaway pest so we can continue,”

He stiffened as he realized she was giving him permission for a fair fight. Tallpaw stared up at the ShadowClan apprentice. If Darkpaw was going to behave like that, then he could certainly stand to get some sense knocked into him. Even so, Tallpaw had never really attacked a cat before. In his heartbeat of hesitation, Shrewpaw shoved ahead of him and made a mad leap for the branch with outstretched claws.

Darkpaw barely dodged and jumped down into the bushes below with a laugh. “You should really pay more attention to your surroundings!”

Tallpaw wasn’t quite sure what happened after that. A chorus of furious screeches came from somewhere behind him, something slammed into him, knocking him into the brush, his head smacked hard against the hard earth and his ears started ringing.

“Ambush!” he heard someone cry. The forest was alive with screeches. Tallpaw had no idea where Darkpaw had gone. He heard Shrewpaw snarl and swipe, and suddenly the furious apprentice was shoving a disoriented Tallpaw to his feet.

“Get up and fight!” Shrewpaw yowled as he plunged forward into the fray. There was a whole group of ShadowClan warriors wrestling with their patrol. Had they been hiding there the whole time? Tallpaw’s shock was replaced quickly with anger and a spike of adrenaline. There was no more time for wondering what to do, and he didn’t have time to be afraid as he launched himself at the first body stinking of ShadowClan that he saw. He wrapped his paws around thin spiky gray fur and sank his teeth into the shoulder of a tom much larger than himself. With flexibility he wouldn’t have thought possible, the gray tom turned his neck and bit the top of Tallpaw’s scruff, yanking him forward. Tallpaw opened his mouth to yowl in surprise as he was thrown onto the ground.

“Stupid fight to pick,” A harsh raspy voice snarled into his face. He saw long glinting teeth and sharp icey eyes. Tallpaw vaguely recalled the appearance of ShadowClan's deputy himself, Stonetooth. He rolled out of the way as fast as he could as Stonetooth’s viciously sharp teeth snapped loudly an inch from his ears. A single hard swipe from the deputy knocked Tallpaw off balance, but before claws reached his pelt, Brackenwing slammed into Stonetooth and grappled him around the neck as she bit at his head. Tallpaw has never seen the molly fight, and she was terrifyingly strong and larger than her opponent, but Stonetooth was agile, easily twisting his way out of her grip. Tallpaw began to swipe at the enemy warrior’s back as a distraction while Brackenwing slashed at his face, but he was knocked to the ground again before he could aim it. Whoever threw Tallpaw down was gone quickly as Shrewpaw snapped at the retreating dark-furred figure before turning back to help his mother tackle Stonetooth.

“Stay together!” came Hareflight’s yowl. Tallpaw scrambled for the scraps of battle training he could remembert, and held his ground beside Shrewpaw.

But then from the shadows of scraggly undergrowth, he heard someone hiss, “what’s wrong little apprentice? You’re not good at fighting on your own, are you?”

Ashpaw, Tallpaw scarcely recognized the young ShadowClan cat that had tried to pick a fight with them at the gathering. She waited in the bushes just out of reach. Why was she just sitting there watching? Tallpaw swiped at her once and tried to turn again to keep pace with Shrewpaw lashing out at Stonetooth’s flanks. He heard Dawnstripe’s pained yowl somewhere.

“Too much of a coward to chase me off, then? guessed as much.” Ashpaw jeered.

It was stupid of him to try and take on an older apprentice alone, but the word coward echoed in his ears, sending a bristling bolt of fury through him.

“Shut up!” Tallpaw snarled and wheeled around on her. Shrewpaw was lost somewhere behind him. He pounced at the voice, but she’d ducked away. “Who do you think you're calling a coward when you won’t even fight!?” he screeched. Where had she gone?

“You're making this too easy." The taunting growl came from his left, and before he knew what happened, he was on the ground again, Darkpaw snapping at his neck. Both ShadowClan apprentices were on top of him now and Tallpaw couldn’t flip himself back over. He was alone, teeth sunk hard into his ear and he yowled in pain as panic started to take over. Would they really kill him? It was against the code, but Darkpaw didn’t look like he cared. Tallpaw thrashed and swiped uselessly, all proper training forgotten as he flailed. Suddenly some of the weight was lifted off of him and he heard Ashpaw yowl in surprise as Shrewpaw grappled her to the ground. Darkpaw, less confident without his bigger friend, was distracted enough for Tallpaw to kick him hard in the face, just barely missing his eyes. Blood pooling from his nose, the ShadowClan cat turned and leaped back into the bushes with Ashpaw in tow. Shrewpaw skidded to a stop, panting hard, looking ragged.

“Thank--” Tallpaw began, but Shrewpaw just growled at him.

“You made me leave my mother to come save you because you ran off on your own! Stay together, you idiot!”

Tallpaw tried his best to follow as they struggled towards the rest of their cornered patrol. We should retreat! This is hopeless! he thought desperately, but he had no idea where to retreat to. There seemed to be cats surrounding them on every side. He saw a bloodied Brackenwing take Stonetooth over a muddy slope, out of sight amidst the chaos. Shrewpaw leaped after them, but there were more ShadowClan warriors in his way now, and they wouldn’t let him through. The patrol was now completely split up, and severely outnumbered. He tried to help Shrewpaw shove through a much bigger warrior so he could get to Brackenwing, when suddenly, Stonetooth’s voice rang out a call for retreat. All at once ShadowClan pushed away from their opponents and slipped back into the shadows, streaming through the narrow Thunderpath tunnel. Tallpaw stared after them, bloody and bewildered. Stonetooth turned back to give them one last icy glare with bared and bloodied teeth.

“We warned you once, and we won’t do it again. You will back off this border, or next time face more of our claws.”

With that he was gone, and the woods were quiet once more.

chapter list / previous / next

#cw blood #cw violence #*canon typical violence #FRU20 #chapter 20 #~fight scenes my be-hated~

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daydreamreality · 3 years

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Thinking about actor availability, and how that affects my perception of Jess and how strongly I feel about shipping Literati.

Really thought this would only be a few paragraphs going over the points where Jess could have disappeared never to be seen again, but it turned into a freaking essay so LONG POST warning if you decide to click ahead.

If the last we saw of Jess was hanging up the phone in the season 3 finale: "Well, it was fun ride while it lasted. That's about how I thought this would end." Still have a lot empathy for this kid and wish him well, but you screwed with Rory's heart like I knew would happen. Was that intentional? No. But he was so immature, out of control with his emotions, zero communication skills, not trusting in others...the list of reasons why he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, even if the feelings were serious, goes on. There was no way Rory wasn't going to end up as collateral damage in his personal breakdown that I could feel was going to happen. And this is the thought I had as a teenager with no dating experience watching this show for the first time. Did I want to date him? Hell no! I could see that trainwreck from a mile away. Rory was naïve to put her heart in his trust but that's part of her good qualities - she's sees the best in people and champions for them. I could go on a tangent about why exactly Jess was such an important character to me when I first watched the show (and probably why he stuck around unconsciously until I decided on a whim to rewatch GG in lockdown) but...I don't know, maybe some other time.

In the context of the entire show, I would look back at the relationship as my favorite one to watch of Rory's in the series (The build-up! The connection! Their deep belief in and respect for each other! The angst!) and Jess being a really fun character to root for (and yell at) but endgame? It was a short lived but important relationship. It’s fun to think about what ifs and how circumstances could have changed to make it work, but we can move on.

The ill-fated spin-off: I have no idea what this show would have been about except focusing on Jess and Jimmy and I’m not about to theorize. I still like Jess at this point so it would probably make me like him more since we’re getting a deeper dive into his character, but in regard to shipping him with Rory, this opinion would not change unless he all of sudden showed some great maturity. But I doubt this show would have even gotten a whole season so that probably wouldn’t happen. And then he’s living in California…this is too much, moving on.

If the last we see of Jess is in season 4: About the same feeling as above. Life, as expected, has not been treating Jess well. At all. His jadedness and hostility is at an all-time high when he shows up to get his car. Do I see the reasons informing his behavior and have empathy (once again, for a KID)? Yes, but he's also being a jerk. "The years don't seem to have hardened you." Well this year sure has!

I love the "I love you" scene but too little too late, buddy. That's probably why I love it, it's all a bit hopeless. Just keep shoveling the angst at me. I do like fics where this scene is reimagined with Rory running after him to give him a piece of her mind or Jess finding some other words to say (I really feel like he had more to say there but got overwhelmed), and coming to a tentative reconciliation: exchanging numbers, "don't fall off the face of the earth," but getting back together? No. You hurt her and you're feeling the consequences. Rory is not obligated or responsible to reciprocate those feelings, nor is she in a place to do that right now.

But season 4 does cement that Luke and Jess's relationship is one of my favorites in the entire show. There's probably a whole other post in me regarding that so I'll keep it brief. Because of his respect for Luke, Jess makes tentative steps towards maturing in interpersonal relationships. He shows some vulnerability and honesty with a veil of sarcasm and awkwardness because, well, it's JESS.

But then of course this all goes to hell when applied to Rory. Sometimes I like to think how this dorm scene would have gone down if Rory stepped back for a second and went, "Hold on. You're not making any sense, chill out," and they could have talked a bit and had a similar reconciliation like I said above because I really think that’s all he was going for - to talk to her, apologize, and make an attempt at reciprocation like he did with Luke. But getting back together here? Canonically, he hasn't made enough progress. He set aside his personal feelings to be in his mother's wedding and used the knowledge from the self-help book to apologize to Luke, but I don't think the book's message has sunk in all the way yet and he’s still got a massive chip on his shoulder preventing him from making a good life for himself. Getting rejected by Rory here is an important moment and I really like it. It's fun to think about the AU if Rory had said yes (hello road trip!), but it's very in-character for her to not be able to handle Jess's crisis and just shouting "NO, make it stop." This is one of my proudest of Rory moments: Protect your heart girl, he ain't ready. The seeds have been planted that Jess will continue to grow and I wish him well on his journey. Endgame material? Nah. Goodbye forever, take care my friend...

Even though this scene doesn't feel like closure at all, I really thought this was the end of Jess Mariano. So imagine my surprise when -

SEASON 6: HE'S BACK. Coming out of the shadows, [literally] it's Jess Marianoooo *air horns* *confetti* *jazz hands* *Jess rolls his eyes at the fanfare*

Alright, that's out of my system. But for real that's what my mind did at this point. For context, the way I watched this show for the first time was getting the DVDs from the library while a couple of seasons were still on the air; when a new season was available to borrow, I would rewatch all the seasons up to the current point so my memories and favorite parts of the show are seasons 1-4. Because I was not bingeing the show all the way through, seeing Jess here seemingly so different didn’t feel out of place. A shock, yes! A happy surprise. But nothing about him seemed OOC. A year had gone by, we’d seen some signs of maturity in him, and getting rejected by Rory was a big kick in the ass for him to start making bigger changes in his life. I really cannot emphasize how satisfying and sensical his positive character development felt to me.

The slight maturity we see in season 4 in its full potential. Jess is still Jess: guarded, self-deprecating, and a bit prickly but he shows a sense of calm and feeling more comfortable in his skin. This is really satisfying to see as someone who always "knew" there was a kind and capable heart underneath the exterior just like Rory did, and that tough guy, must protect myself at all costs posturing has melted away. But that side of him isn't gone, it's not like the writing did a complete 180 on his character. I love this. He's just...more at peace with himself but he's not a different person, and he's found something to direct his focus and intellect on. He's made his peace with Luke, and now he has something of worth to show Rory to try to mend that hurt as well.

Yes, it would have been nice to see how and why he decided to write a book and work in publishing but this course of events is not out of left field, nor is Jess enough of a main character at this point for scenes like this to be necessary to the show unless they were tied to Luke and showing another side of him. Jess has shown in the past that he has a good work ethic if he feels it is worth it. The problem wasn't him being lazy, just poor decision making and focusing on RIGHT NOW, "I need to get out of Stars Hollow and live my life," and not considering the consequences of his actions. Which as an immature kid whose life had told him he can only depend on himself...not out of the ordinary. The dude’s life passion is literature and has probably read every book he can get his hands on, it’s not crazy that he had his own story in him.

Here is where Literati becomes endgame material for me. Prior to the revival it was always my feeling that post-series they would reconnect while Rory was on the campaign or afterwards. It would be low drama (except for Lorelai criticism), slowly gaining trust in each other again, and eventually starting a committed relationship within a year or two of being friends with sexual tension (lol). They made their adolescent mistakes, hurt each other, but learned from it and started over on infinitely better footing.

The match just makes sense to me at this point for many reasons; I don't feel like I need to list them all out because you can go to any pro-Literati post and I'll probably agree with the majority of the points. The biggest issue they had was timing: “Right heart, wrong time.” I like especially how they even out each other's more extreme personality traits. For example, Rory learning from Jess to consider her own feelings instead of sacrificing herself for others, and Jess considering others before himself all the time. Or professionally, I can see Jess encouraging her to step away from her ultra-organized, “everything has to be just so” ways when it benefits her to seize an opportunity right now, don’t worry about the details, you got this. Maybe Jess has another book in him, but his self-deprecation and disorganization prevent him from getting it done but Rory helps him be more objective and focused. There’s this…synergistic energy I feel with the two of them: they’re great by themselves, but form something better together.

Judging from Rory's reactions towards him in this season, I don't think it's OOC for her to have romantic feelings for him again. She's extremely proud of his accomplishments and not unhappy to see him (not holding a grudge). They fall back into their comfortable dynamic even if it makes them both a bit nervous. Now some could argue that this means that Rory only wants to be friends with him but...when have Jess and Rory ever been just friends? If "Another Year in the Life" comes out (I've got serious doubts but would love to be proved wrong) and Rory rejects him or he's not even a part of it, fine! But I just don't see anything in canon that says explicitly she'll never feel romantic towards him again.

Now the kiss...there's a lot of ways to read that scene. Do I think Jess was in the right to assume "everything is fixed" as a go ahead? No. But that's part of why he is such an engaging character: he's impulsive and acts in accordance to his feelings, and yes, this gets himself and others in trouble.

Do I think Rory purposefully went to the open house to "use" Jess to get back at Logan? No. I think she genuinely wanted to support him, and Logan being out of town meant she wouldn't have to explain why it was important for her to go. I see the kiss paralleling the one in 2x22 but instead of Rory not being able to hold her feelings in any longer, Jess initiates. The way I see it is she was unaware she still had lingering feelings towards him (not out of nowhere, I mean their relationship has "unfinished business" written all over it) and that scared the crap out of her, just like at the end of season 2. So she runs away to the "safe space" that is being with Logan. Because she's in love with Logan, she has a sense of obligation towards him, and Rory has shown many times that she does not react well to change and highly emotional situations.

Is this scene a deal breaker for a future relationship between them? I don't think so. Jess says that he isn't sorry she came, which I take as "I'll never be sorry to see you no matter the context." Yes, this hurt him and made him pretty mad, but I don't think he's holding a grudge against her for this; even in the moment he's more concerned that someone cheated on her and her safety getting to her car. He sets a boundary that he doesn't deserve his feelings to be pushed around like this and Rory agrees. Not that I condone this sort of tit-for-tat hurting of each other (which I don't think Rory was going for in the first place) but it's almost like...that cycle is now broken. The whole scene is so open ended, it doesn't feel like a "good bye forever" to Jess.

"But Rory is so in love with Logan!" I don't know about you, but that "I'm in love with him despite all the bad he's done..." sounds so defeated and sad. It's almost like she's resigned herself to being in love with Logan. The first time I watched this, I thought this was foreshadowing that the relationship was on its last legs. To keep them together, Logan almost dies so Rory will bury her hurt out of guilt for holding a grudge against him. She is completely entitled to feeling hurt by Logan's actions, and I hate that she feels like she has to do this. But it happened, moving on.

"But Rory is a cheater!" When I think about Rory's characteristics, "cheater" doesn't make the list. She feels entitled to the men that she's loved and this isn’t super great behavior, but I don't view her as inherently unfaithful or okay with cheating. I give her leeway on the season 2 Jess kiss because she was a teenager with a lot of conflicting emotions and everything around her was pushing her to stay with Dean. The season 4 Dean debacle...she was still very young and naïve. I put most of the blame on Dean for manipulating her; I say most because if Rory really wanted to be with him, she should have been more sure of the status of his marriage, but I repeat: he manipulated her and she was very young and naïve. I dare to say she has been conditioned to view Dean as nothing but safe and trustworthy so why wouldn't she believe him... Season 4 was all about her being out of sorts when away from the Stars Hollow bubble and trying to reclaim some normalcy. Narratively, I see why this makes sense and I don't think the intention was to say “Rory is okay with cheating,” but to show very explicitly that Rory isn't perfect. This show goes to extremes, at this point I kind of just accept it and don't jump to "this person/character is terrible!" Certain characteristics and behaviors I have less patience for (mild) or will make me lose all respect for a character (extreme - honestly very few GG characters fall into this category for me); you may feel differently and that's fine. When other plot points in this series are much more bizarre and OOC, while this turn of events makes me uncomfortable and angry, at least it makes sense to me.

The 6x18 kiss I've already said that I don't think Rory had premeditated intent to cheat on Logan judging from the fact that Jess initiated it; yes, she went with it nor was it a complete surprise, I get this. The "I couldn't even cheat on him..." line I think is an outburst of guilt and regret, not her saying she had a plan in mind. Maybe I'm being too soft on her, I don't know...she did stay there late but maybe she just got lost in the book while waiting to say bye. We've seen her not know how to deal with conflicting emotions and change to her status quo, and attempt to distract herself when life isn't panning out the way she wants and not think about the consequences in the moment, so I don't find this scene OOC or intentionally cruel. The revival...I don’t think I can even go there right now because it would just be me screaming incoherently about how much I hate "full circle" and how bizarre the entire thing was. Maybe something of value would eventually come out with a lot of editing. XD

This isn’t to say I’m 100% on Rory’s side all the time. Pretty much every character in this show has at some point made me smile, made me laugh (generally with them, but some characters it’s more like at), made me want to give them a hug, made me roll my eyes, and made me want to throw something at them. That’s why I love it so much! Even if the drama is turned up to 1000, I still get the sense that these characters are human. My favs end up on my “will protect at all costs” and “shit” lists throughout the series, no one is immune. Except Lane. She really is the best person in this entire show. #JusticeForLaneKim

If ASP had written season 7: (Remember there being some sort of theme to this post? Only two episodes in s6, but Jess sure does make an impact.) I bet Jess would show up at some point. MV is loyal to the creators and not the show, if it was important for Jess to be there I’m sure his shooting schedule would have been accounted for. Storyline would have been similar to the revival because AYITL is ASPs season she didn’t get to do without considering how time passing affects the characters (I’M STILL SALTY) except Rory is at Yale and I think the book was a new idea. Shipping as endgame doesn’t change, and I bet there wouldn’t be a nice little Literati ending because we’ve got to end it the same way, right? I don't even need them to be together at the end because Rory has greater plans to focus on, but just a moment! One moment is all I asked for... I don’t know if this makes me mad because I felt like the narrative had been pushing us along this path for so long even if actual "endgame" was going to be offscreen or if I kind of like just having it in my imagination. Little bit of column A, little bit of column B. In any case, it could have been cool to see Jess present for the birth of his half-sister and giving Luke some support.

Like I said, I'm not touching AYITL right now. The whole starting point of this was, "huh, if MV never came back to the show, how would I feel about Jess and Literati?" And he was in it so it doesn't really fit into this even though we've gone on a meandering journey as pieces of discourse that have never sat right with me but didn't quite know how to express that disagreement until now popped in my mind. So there you go. If you’ve made it to end, claps to you, what a champ.

At the end of the day, Literati is the ship that makes me feel the most things, it's kind of just a gut thing. This really isn't any sort of argument just an outpouring of love for the show and these characters. I don't know how well that's communicated, but hey, I try. I’ve got a lot of nostalgia for the pairing and I always viewed Jess as being Rory’s, and only Rory’s, choice.

#Gilmore Girls #Literati #rory x jess #Jess Mariano #I've been writing and editing this for 2 weeks and just accidentally pressed post and uhhhh #I don’t think there's more you can do self #Just run with it

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beautifulweird0 · 4 years

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Forgiving Your Parents

I know too many people who’ve experienced some form of trauma from their parents. This isn’t a blog about bashing your folks- this is hopefully a post that will help salvage some strained parent and child relationships. Cause I been there, done that-and understanding your parent is only feasible if your parent is interested in understanding you.

My disclaimer is this: The child isn’t responsible for mending the relationship...solely. I’mma tell you like this, if your parent doesn’t want anything to do with you...skip em’.

Because that’s backwards as hell and that takes away from loving yourself. Anyway you chop it, if you find yourself forcing yourself on a “parent”, the relationship isn’t going to go anywhere-AND THAT’S NOT YOUR FAULT OR CONCERN. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE EXTREMELY WORTHY. I’m so sorry your people ain’t solid; it’s a reflection of them-not you.

It’s my belief that something is wrong with a person if they want no parts of having a relationship with their child. Literally so messed up from their own unhealed traumas that they can’t find it within themselves to love someone they created…

Ain’t no fixing on that unless you take they ass to a therapist.

Moving on.

I’ve always had such a strong feeling in my gut when I come across new people. It’s like they look at me and think I got it all. Truly looking at me and seeing a woman who doesn’t have insecurities or childhood traumas spotted along her path cause I’m kind and always make it a point to smile like Granny told me.

I’m usually a private person. But its always been that ‘pull’ on me-telling me… “It’s another little girl that is going through the same stuff you went through. Say that shit anyway. And with your chest.” .

Think about it...

Can’t a soul embarrass you about some stuff you open about. That takes all the fun out of their miserable lives if folks know wassup already.

So as a 22 year old woman that been through some mess with her people, let me share pieces of me. Cause the last thing you want on your conscience is one of your parents passing and ya’ll not being on the best of terms.

I was listening to Mad Bitches the other day and Mikhala Jene said something along the lines of, “Nobody living is perfect”.

That hit me a little different. Like damn...nobody walks this earth perfect so...why do we expect perfection (again, subconsciously).

THIS.

This is why I say if your parent is trying, then work with them. If they sit down with you and tell you how life was for them coming up. The good parts, the ugly parts, and everything in-between. Trying their best to be authentic and build a bond, then meet em’ halfway (if they haven’t been on some stuff that’s just unforgivable).

And shit, our people ain’t have everything at their fingertips as we do. The apps that spread information quicker than you could sneeze, weren't available. They couldn’t go on a ‘self-care’ page to calm themselves down if triggered or go on YouTube and watch motivational videos. Not making excuses, just using a little perspective that helps me! Yet and still, let your parent(s) know if they did something to wrong you; you gotta’ have respect for yourself as a human. Period.

I didn’t find out who my biological father was until I was about 16 years old. Up until that point I believed another man was my father (which he is still and will always be!).

Sooo...I already had abandonment issues from my parents and my dad lived in a way at that time, that all parties involved thought it was best my grandparents took us in. That’s all I know is Granny’s (& Grandpa’s) house since I was a baby.

It helped that when my mom told me who my biological dad was, she was in a much better state of mind and stable-but man...I didn’t know what to feel. My sister was more upset than me (cause we have the same dad hypothetically).

So many questions ran through my head that I couldn’t even cry or be mad. I was shocked. Everyone played their role so well…

There was a long road ahead of me. Not only did I have to forgive my mom and dad for lying to me for so long, but there was a father in the same city I had yet to know.

My first point is patience. If you aren’t going to be patient with an end goal for you and your parent, you’re wasting your time. Being prepared for them to fumble sometimes is mandatory if y’all going to get to a better place. You mess up on certain projects or what have you’s a few times before you get it right...right?

Give your parent the same energy if you were in their shoes. Cause baby...ain’t nothing worse than admitting your wrongs and still getting beat down. I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at my mom in that moment where she was vulnerable and upset cause she knew she played a part in hurting me. What was it gone do but make me feel bad and her feel worse?

Blowing up wasn’t going to change what happened now 22 years ago.

Yeah, there’s hella’ books on parenting but I’mma tell y’all like my Granny told me, “There’s no such thing as a book on how to be a parent.”.

Having a child of my own- I’ve been witness to this. Folks can be shown and folks can be told on how to do certain things but with each child being different in this world, you have to be intune with them specifically- no book on that.

I was through hell and back with my mother and now we’re in an extremely better place because we both made the effort (more-so on her part 🌚).

But it was my responsibility to go into it with pure intentions and my guard down a bit after she made the effort; disappointment is what I expected sometimes cause I went into it knowing it was going to be a process.

Don’t get it confused, my mom always knew how I was-that wasn’t the issue. The new end goal was getting to know each other again so I could understand her better so I could forgive her. That’s no sucka’ shit. Its real. Everybody in this life is going to disappoint you, one way or another. Better to know what you’re dealing with so you can assess the situation in order to better assess the person. Free game.

Another step to keep in mind is, boundaries. I just feel like it will make the whole exchange smoother-not easier- but smoother. The point of forgiving your parents and (if you chose) trying to build a relationship, is to have them know you for who you are NOW. Not when you were 5, not when you was 12...have them meet you at your level. They dropped the ball, not you. Sure...nobody asked to be here but that becomes invalid when you start having babies of your own. It’s a different ball game when you bring a life into this world. Your joys become the joy of your children but way too often we forget that our pain becomes theirs as well.

My father always tried too-the dad that I always knew as my dad. On weekends me and my sister would go to his house before he moved to Michigan. Man I was a daddies girl-still am. My grandparents had the house on lock, couldn't watch programs with cussing in it or too much violence. Life of having Southern Baptist grandparents I guess.

The weekends at pops house was always interesting. I could watch all the music videos I wanted and watch the movies that didn't have too much goin on in them.

My dad would do different stuff with us like go to the library; he always knew I loved reading. Sometimes my dad would take us to the park or a friends house who had kids (how I met my husband), water parks, or even cooking dinner with me and my sister; plenty of quality time where I could talk to him about anything.

However, at the time, pops lived a certain lifestyle and no matter how hard he tried to shield it from us younger kids, I still seen things and experienced things a child shouldn't have. Again, comes with the lifestyle I guess.

My dad drunk...ALOT. And it was interesting to see the 'upsides' of alchoholism and the very big downsides. I'd never forget, I was maybe 8? Another weekend at my dads, just me and my sister (I have multiple brothers on that side too plus another sister), and I woke up one morning on the couch. My dad was goin through some things- all he had was a couch that he let me and my little sister sleep on. My 1st thought when I woke up was where was my dad sleeping? My sister was sleep, and it was still fairly early in the morning. I go back to the empty bedroom to find him sleep on the floor. No pillow. No cover. Just a beer in hand, laid out. That broke my heart.

Just remember feeling sad all over. I took the beer, threw it away then grabbed the pillow I had and laid it under his head. While doing so, my dad woke up, halfway and kissed my hand.

He told me straight up he loves me and he apologized. Didn't go into detail but he didn't have to. My dad never had his pops in his life, nor his mama until he was grown and was taking care of her though her illness.

I knew even at 8 years old that, that gotta hurt. I'm not gone sit here and act like I always understood the motives of my father but I tried because he always tried to understand me and til' this day, he is one of the top 3 people that KNOWS me like the back of his hand.

I had to forgive my parents because they’ve come a long way. Holding all that anger and resentment wasn’t gone help me in the long run. And in a way I can say I've helped to heal them by loving them through their screw ups. We always talk about a parents love but what about a child's love?

I don’t want to pass down my pain to my son, he don’t need that- the world will give its fair share. But everyday I pray that the world won’t hurt him bad. I want my son to be nothing less than strong mentally, emotionally, but most of all spiritually. He won’t have that unless I’m solid. So I ask myself… ‘hm, what’s still hurting me?’.

We all got a story to tell.

Love. Peace. Manifest.

#black #love #hate #generationalcurses #generations #hurt #healing #blackfamilies #blog #monetsway #alcoholism #mother #father

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adhduck · 3 years

Text

Chapter 3 of But I Can Hope How This Will End is now up, besties, and yes I have chosen violence 😌

AO3

CWs: canon-typical blue veins/disease content; accusation of ‘death wish’ implying suicidal ideation; canon-typical discussions/descriptions of injury, pain, death; several descriptions of blood; slight emetophobia; mentions of past trauma for Zolf; slightly in-depth descriptions of temporary first aid

With Wounds We Can Heal

Wilde almost never goes on missions; even before the curse blocked access to most of his combat skills, he wasn’t built to be an in-field agent. He’s a diplomat at heart, not a fighter, so there’s no need to risk getting him infected when the others can bring information safely back to him.

So when Wilde announces at breakfast one morning he’s going to a meeting, not just in-person but with someone they haven’t verified yet, Zolf is understandably upset.

“Since when do you have a bleeding death wish?” he demands, pushing his plate to the side.

Wilde remains perfectly, infuriatingly calm. “I will admit the risks are higher than usual, but if Mr. Douglas’ information is true, it will be both crucial and time-sensitive. We don’t have a week.”

“Well, isn’t that bloody convenient,” Zolf mutters.

“Does seem like a trap,” Carter agrees. “I mean, he just happens to have exactly what we need, and exactly the right urgency to not go through safety protocols? That’s classic untrustworthy stuff.”

“Which is why I’ve already put in safety measures myself. We will both come alone and unarmed. I made sure the meeting spot was neutral ground, something we couldn’t hide traps or snipers in. Nothing physical will be changing hands, so there won’t be a need for close contact. And just as with his initial report, any information I bring back will be verified before we commit to a next course of action.”

Barnes leans forward, drawing everyone’s attention in that subtle way of his. “What’s your plan if you get into combat? I know you said you’ll both come alone and without weapons, but that doesn’t mean he’ll actually follow that.”

“He knows I’m a talented magic user, and doesn’t know about the shackles, so that should intimidate him into not attacking. And if he does catch my bluff, and my excellent running shoes don’t do the trick—” Wilde shrugs, and Zolf’s hands curl into fists atop the table. “Well, I know I’m none of you, but I can hold my own just fine, I think.”

“Unless you show up and he shoots you right off the bat,” Zolf argues, trying very hard not to picture it. “Or he has a group with, like, invisibility spells or potions or somethin’, and they attack you all at once. Or—bloody hell, Wilde, or anything! There’s no reason to think this man is anything but a danger until he’s gone through quarantine, and even then, he could still be a- a regular ole dick who wants to kill you! You certainly made enough enemies before all this started.”

“Our job,” Wilde says coolly, though Zolf can see just a touch of tension forming in the corner of his jaw, “is to figure out how this blue vein scourge works and stop it. We are saving the world here. There’s no way to do that without a bit of risk.”

“Risk is one thing, but this is just plain stupid,” Zolf snaps back. “If you need the information, fine, whatever, let’s get it. But at least bring one of us with you.”

“That’s not the deal I made with Bo- Mr. Douglas.”

“And? Who says he won’t just break the deal and betray you first chance he gets?”

That, for some reason, brings down Wilde’s façade, but just for a moment—he’s covered it up almost as quickly as Zolf notices. “As I said before, I’ve already done some research on him and the information he presented as evidence of our meeting’s importance. If he’s still himself, not honoring the terms of our agreement will make him back out immediately. And if he’s infected, bringing someone else will almost certainly ensure a fight, and we cannot risk half of our group getting taken out in one go.”

Zolf is going to actually, truly strangle this man. “But we can risk you getting taken out?”

Wilde’s jaw tenses, releases. “We’ve all risked our lives for the cause. This is no different.”

“Yes, it is, because you’re relying on- on bloody trust when the world’s like this—”

The harsh scrape of Wilde’s chair being pushed back cuts Zolf off. Standing over them, Wilde looks every bit the rich, uncaring aristocrat Zolf thought he was all those months ago– save for that same tension in the corner of his jaw. “I’m trusting myself—my research, my insights, my diplomatic abilities.” He sweeps his eyes across the table, lands a few inches above Zolf’s head. “You can trust in me or not, I don’t care. I’m going either way.”

Zolf feels unmoored, suddenly. Like he missed something important, something he’s supposed to say or know. “Wilde—”

“Thank you for breakfast, Zolf,” Wilde says, and it almost hurts more that he sounds sincere. “I’ll be in my office if any of you need me.”

He turns and walks off, and all Zolf can think, a little nonsensically, is I do.

Wilde leaves for his meeting the next morning, unarmored and alone, and Zolf is absolutely fine about it. Sure, he’s making more bread when he just made some yesterday; and sure, he rearranged the cell five times in some shitty wooden prosthetics because he couldn’t decide whether to put Wilde’s favorite blanket in there. And sure, when he tried to decide on a Campbell to read, he ended up with the only one he can’t read—a Gaelic translation of When Passions Collide Wilde once brought him. But it’s not- he’s just- it’s fine. He’s used to the people he cares about being in danger, and no matter how much he disagrees with Wilde, he does trust him.

So instead of going with Wilde, Zolf bakes bread.

The fussing gets him through the first day of Wilde’s three-day journey with only minimal stress-pacing. He cleans the inn on the second, doing an inventory of their supplies as he goes, and realizes they’re drastically lower on mundane medical supplies than they should be. To be fair, they rarely use them, as all the field agents can be healed magically, but it’s no excuse for this lack of upkeep, especially when Wilde could sustain any number of illnesses or injuries on his mission.

He brings it up to Barnes and Carter, and they agree it’s worth Barnes – who has both social skills and a sword – taking a trip to the village. Zolf gets a firm clap on the shoulder as a goodbye, which he returns with an awkward pat since their height difference doesn’t allow for much else. And for Carter, Barnes curls a hand around his neck and leans their foreheads together; not long enough to make Carter stay still, but long enough to loosen tension Zolf hadn’t noticed from his shoulders.

(Something in Zolf aches.)

Barnes is gone for maybe an hour before Carter gets too antsy to be around the inn and takes off for a run. Since there are no other visitors at the moment, that leaves Zolf alone in the inn besides the owner, who’s manning the bar, so he takes the opportunity to sit by the fire and flip through his Gaelic Campbell, trying to guess which scene is which. He’s doing pretty well, too, and then he spots Wilde’s favorite blanket hanging on the chair opposite him – he’d taken it out of the cell again this morning – and starts to feel the weight of the quiet. How it settles heavy on his heart and lungs, makes the space around him simultaneously cavernous and too small to move in. The deafening loneliness of it.

Zolf’s been around the block enough times to know when he’s starting to spiral, so he heads to the kitchen to make lunch. While he’s at it, he figures he can start prepping soup for tomorrow, which will be easiest on Wilde’s anxious stomach and convenient for leftovers. (Bread, too, but he’s already made far too much of that.)

He’s halfway through getting out the ingredients for miso when he hears the backdoor of the inn open, the muffled sound of his name being called, and his heart does a distinct, worryingly earnest oh.

It only takes thirty seconds to make it to the backdoor; just long enough for Zolf to concoct five or six ways to greet Wilde sans-touch, all of them horrible. Just say hello, you bloody idiot, he tells himself as he rounds the last corner, sees Wilde—

Oh.

There’s this feeling Zolf’s gotten a handful of times in his life, always right before disaster strikes—or after, sometimes, but just before he’s realized. When he kicked the tunnel’s support beam and heard a crack. A breath before he hit the water, already littered with debris and bodies from the ship that used to be his home. Waking in an unfamiliar lab with no legs and Sasha’s organs floating above her chest like some sort of horrible biology experiment. It’s a sort of…grounding feeling, but not in a settled way. Like the last moment before the earth crumbles beneath you, when you’re still on solid ground but somehow you know, you know, you’re about to fall.

Zolf sees Wilde, and he’s falling.

There’s blood—not deathly amounts of it, bleeding out wise, but he can’t tell where it’s from because Wilde’s currently facedown on the ground, weakly trying to pull himself onto his elbows. His clothes are torn, his bag of holding nowhere to be seen. A blood-soaked knife – the only weapon Zolf could convince him to bring – is clutched in one hand.

“Wilde,” Zolf says, and he’s underground again, he’s underwater again, he’s falling.

He starts forward, and Wilde flinches backwards with an alarming burst of energy. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

Zolf freezes, forces himself to take a breath. Of course. Wilde was out, he could be infected, they can’t touch. But that doesn’t mean Zolf is gonna let him bleed out. “What happened? Are you injured?”

Finally, Wilde manages to pull himself to his elbows, but hesitates there; he’s leaning all his weight to one side, so probably a broken leg.

“Meeting wasn’t a big hit,” Wilde chokes out, head hanging low; his voice sounds wrong, and not just from the obvious pain and exhaustion. It’s gargled, and sort of twisted up, like he’s got something lodged in the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah, I fuckin’ noticed, Wilde,” Zolf says. He’s not going to panic. Wilde’s going to be fine, because Zolf’s going to make sure he’s fine, because Zolf is absolutely not going to panic. “Can you walk?”

Wilde lifts his head to look Zolf in the eye, which reveals where a lot of the blood is coming from: there’s a deep wound across his cheek, cutting from below his eye to his chin and ripping through his mouth on the way. He spits some blood, heaves a breath that seems to hurt the whole way in and out. “I could until about thirty seconds ago, yes,” he manages. His arms are shaking; Zolf’s hand twitches.

“Put pressure on that cut, if you can,” he says, trying to sound calmly firm but mostly just sounding impatient. Wilde winces when presses a hand to the wound, but keeps it there. “Good. Now, we’re low on medical supplies, but we should at least have stuff to clean it and sew it back up.”

Wilde nods. “Once I’m in the cell.”

In a show of good bedside manner, Zolf doesn’t outwardly roll his eyes. “Bloody hell, Wilde, I can’t doctor you through the bars. It needs to be before.”

“Absolutely not.”

“I won’t be stupid about it. We’ve got gloves, I won’t touch you at all—”

“No,” Wilde growls, that fierceness rising up again. He breathes in and out, hard, and the anger settles, or at least contains itself. “We get me into the cell, and you work me through how to treat it myself. If I pass quarantine, we’ll do further medical procedures, and if not- well, it won’t matter, because you’ll have killed me.”

Zolf can’t help it; he flinches. “Fuck, Wilde, don’t—look, that cut is bad, okay? You might lose some facial functioning if it’s not treated properly. And if your leg’s broken, which I’m pretty sure it is, you could end up with a limp, or not being able to walk at all.” He winces. “Not- not that not being able to walk is wrong or somethin’, it’s just- I mean, we don’t exactly have the resources—”

He trails off, too panicked to keep track of his words, and realizes that Wilde is…smiling? It’s more of a grimace, but Zolf is almost sure that’s an attempt at a smile. What the fuck, Wilde. He doesn’t answer for a second, either, so Zolf adds, “Wilde? You with me?”

Wilde blinks, then schools his expression into something more formal, nodding seriously. “Your concerns are noted.”

“And?”

Wilde does a rather pitiful attempt at a shrug. “That’s it; I’ve noted them.” And then the absolute bastard starts trying to crawl.

“Poseidon’s soggy arse, Wilde, you’re not making it to the cell like that,” Zolf hisses, looking around for an alternate solution. Gods, why did Barnes and Carter have to leave at the worst possible time?

Spitting some more blood, Wilde bites back, “Well, I have to make it somehow, don’t I?”

“Yeah, but not like—oh, wait, I might have an idea. Stay- stay here.”

(Wilde gives him a particularly withering look at that, which, fair.)

After half a second of hesitation at the idea of leaving Wilde alone and bleeding, Zolf runs for the living area. Wilde’s blanket is still there, and Zolf starts to reach for it, then imagines it stained to ruin with blood, burned to ash as a precaution. He grabs the big quilt instead.

“Here,” Zolf says when he returns, a little out of breath as he presents the quilt. “I can just wrap you up and carry you downstairs.”

Wilde, who is currently trying to work himself into a half-sitting position, eyes the blanket like it’s a vial of bubbling green liquid. “I’m over twenty inches taller than you, Zolf.”

“And yet you weigh about as much as my glaive,” Zolf replies. Wilde still seems unsure, so he adds, “It’s either this or waiting for Carter to get back, and then we can risk two people getting you down there instead of one.��

A muscle ticks in Wilde’s jaw. “Fine. But you don’t touch any part of the quilt that has touched me.”

Zolf lays the quilt out for Wilde to push himself onto—a slow, painful process that has Zolf cursing the world for giving weight to Wilde’s stubborn paranoia. Once he’s settled, Zolf wraps the quilt around him much the way he imagines one would do for a child, focusing his tension into the curl of his fists so the rest of him can be gentle.

He recalls the first night he helped carry Wilde to bed, tucking him in (shoulders, waist, thighs) so he couldn’t wiggle free in the night. This isn’t what I meant, you idiot, he thinks, and pulls Wilde’s half-limp form into his arms.

It’s difficult going, mostly because of the aforementioned two dozen extra inches Zolf has to manage, which also makes it slow. A few times, when Zolf stumbles or is forced to shift his grip, Wilde winces and starts to curl against Zolf’s chest; he always catches himself, though, muffling the noise against the quilt instead. Still, Zolf can feel the ghost of Wilde’s labored breathing on his collarbone, his matted hair against the curve of Zolf’s shoulder. He wants to look at Wilde; he can’t bear to.

They make it to the cell and, miraculously, down the steps, at which point Zolf remembers his legs are, in fact, magical. “Ah, shit.”

Wilde stirs a little from where he’s been drifting in and out of consciousness. (Zolf aches.) “What- oh. Your legs.”

Zolf tightens his grip (shoulders, hips) and does as a small a shrug as he can manage. “Only a problem inside the cell itself. I’ll just go on my knees.”

He manages to grab the keys hanging by the stairs with two fingers, leans Wilde more onto his chest as he unlocks the door and pulls it open. When he drops slowly to his knees, Wilde’s heels and then calves touch the ground; this makes Wilde chuckle, which then makes him curl up in pain. His forehead brushes Zolf’s shirt before he manages to turn away.

“Almost there,” Zolf says, trying his damnedest to not sound shaky. He shuffles into the cell’s interior, suppressing a grimace at the sensation of his legs going dead, and gently lays Wilde down. Their eyes meet for a moment, then he shuffles back out and locks the door.

“All right, now keep up pressure on your face, and since we can’t elevate your leg yet, just try not to move it, all right? I need to grab supplies, so just- just don’t go anywhere, or somethin’.” Wilde manages a full glare, which is almost relieving. “Okay, yeah, I know, I just meant- just don’t- you know. Yeah.”

Wilde sighs, nods his head. “As long as you bring me some wine, too.”

“I’ll bring alcohol,” Zolf promises, “but it’s for the wound, not for drinking.”

This earns him a heavy, dramatic sigh, and Zolf lets himself a smile a bit before he heads back into the inn proper. A bard to the last, that one.

He’s pulling out the last of the supplies he needs – which is everything they have – when Carter gets back. He comes in the front door at least, thank gods; Zolf doesn’t want to have this discussion standing over a pool of Wilde’s blood. He intercepts Carter as he enters the seating area, ready to explain, but it’s not hard to guess: bundle of supplies in one arm, alcohol and pillow in the other, what’s sure to be a harrowing look on his face. (Not hard for Carter, anyway, who’s already too perceptive for his own good.)

“What happened?”

Zolf huffs out a steadying breath. “Meeting went wrong, Wilde came back early, he’s not doing well. Got ‘im to the cell, but.” He lifts his full arms awkwardly.

“Shit. Did they betray him?”

“Didn’t ask.”

He nods, frowning. “Yeah, fair enough. Should I—actually, you know what, you should have that covered right now, so I’ll take watch. Make sure nobody followed him.”

Zolf hadn’t thought of that, and he kicks himself for not being more careful. “Good plan. Thanks, Carter.”

“Yeah, of course,” he says; brushes his hand over Zolf’s shoulder, a half-pat, then he’s off again.

When Zolf makes it back to Wilde, he’s in almost the exact same position he was left in: wrapped in the blanket, barely conscious, keeping up a low hum of pain. “Hey,” he says gently, and Wilde stirs a little. “Time to patch you up, yeah?”

“Sorry,” Wilde replies, unfolding the blanket and easing himself into a sort of lounging position. There are clear streaks of tears down his face; his jaw is completely clenched.

“Ain’t gotta be,” Zolf says firmly, sliding the supplies through. “Let’s get the blood cleaned up, see what we’re working with.”

Wilde raises an eyebrow but says nothing as he takes the damp cloth and gets to work. A lot of the blood has dried already, coming off in flaky clumps as he wipes away the worst of the mess on his cheek. He’s incredibly delicate around the wound itself, but there’s a sharpness to each careful swipe across his jaw and chin that tells Zolf he’d be harsher if he had the energy to be.

His mouth is what Wilde gets to last, resoaking the rag for the third time to squeeze out the blood, and as he swipes the corner delicately over where his lips have been torn open, Zolf—gods, it’s horrible, it’s unforgivable, he shouldn’t even be acknowledging it. But in that moment, with Wilde hurt and half-conscious and maybe just days away from not even being Wilde anymore, Zolf thinks for the very first time: I think I want to kiss him.

“So?” Wilde says; Zolf startles, which at least gets a fond little exhale. “What’re we working with, oh mighty healer?”

“Um.” Zolf absolutely cannot look at Wilde right now, but he also has to. He compromises by squinting a little, blurring out everything that isn’t the problem at hand. “Yeah, uh, it’s—you’re definitely gonna need stitches, though I don’t know if you can handle that at the moment.”

Wilde glances down at his shaking hands; the movement briefly unbalances him. “You’re probably right—as much as it wounds me to say it.”

It’s unclear whether that was intended as a pun, and Zolf’s not in the mood to find it funny either way, so he just nods. “We’ll just have to temporarily close it, then.”

Thinking of a way to do this takes several minutes, during which Wilde cleans the wound with an alcohol-soaked rag and a worrying lack of complaints. Finally, what Zolf figures out is to take a piece of surgical tape that’s slightly too small and stretch it across the cut so it’ll pull the sides together, trimming the middle part so it doesn’t stick to the wounded skin. He has to guide Wilde through some complex extra wrapping to stop it from peeling off without covering up his eyes, mouth, or nose; it ends up looking rather ugly and pins Wilde’s snarled hair to his head, but it seems to help.

They clean up a couple other scrapes and gashes Wilde didn’t mention earlier – there’s one on the side of his ribcage, shallow but terrifying with its intent – and then get to his leg. With Zolf unable to examine the injury properly, he can’t confirm what the exact issue is, but it’s not grisly, so Zolf walks Wilde through a basic wrapping and tells him to elevate it on the overstuffed pillow he brought. “We’ll need to do more when you’re out, of course,” he adds. “But right now your job is just to sleep.”

It says a lot about Wilde’s current state that his only response to that is curling up on the blood-soiled blanket, perching his leg awkwardly on the pillow, and falling asleep within seconds. Even with the accompanying ease of tension, he looks awful: clothes ripped and dirty, left trouser leg sheared off from the thigh down for the cast, a mummy-like arrangement of surgical tape crisscrossing his overly pale and pink-stained face.

But he’s also alive, and Zolf allows himself a shaky exhale at the knowledge. Puts his face in his hands when that breath threatens to quicken, focuses on the divine warmth in his chest until the panic fades. He looks back at Wilde, his hand resting delicately beside his face, a few locks of hair obscuring his cheek, and there it is again, that feeling—that terrifying, horribly-timed feeling that prickles at the tips of his fingers and in the pit of his stomach, that stretches languidly in his chest like a stray cat who’s decided to stick around. That makes him hope for something he doesn’t even have a name for.

Fuck.

#rqg #rusty quill gaming #zoscar #zolf smith #rqg oscar wilde #rqg barnes #rqg carter #zoscar fic #rqg fic #rqgaming #zoscar fanfiction #zoscar fanfic #but i can hope how this will end

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secondhoekage · 4 years

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Ignore this long rant I’m high as shit but I... can’t take the hero commission oR HONESTLY THE HEROES THEMSELVES, seriously anymore

They’re BRAINLESS they all share one (1) brain cell and it belonged to Crust. THESE GUYS had MONTHS to strategize this attack and what did they do? They fucked it up. They want me to believe this was planned and not written on a chalk board the night before? Sent out to all heroes the next morning at 8am in a CHAIN EMAIL?

Unpopular opinion(?): they sent the worst possible, ill-suited heroes to each location for this PLF raid and I’m mad at them for it and I’m mad at Hori for making me be mad at it even tho he had to do it beCauSe oF pLot but I’m mad.

The MLA’s plans to take on The League of Villains? Spotless. Chef’s kiss. The detail. The one-on-one counters they planned out. Accounting for each enemy’s quirk. Yeah there were like 6 of them to account for but?? Heroes, yall had enough info and enough time to think of ways to go about this raid and I’m supposed to believe that you did, BUT DID YOU REALLY? MONTHS TO PLAN, and saw one electric Sir Crocodile rip-off and immediately threw Kaminari on his ass. Good move. Kinda. But the rest of the PLF? Heroes just gonna make shit up as they go I guess??

To make myself feel better here’s a long ass useless rant on what could’ve damn happened and which heroes should’ve gone where and to make this an epic ass rumble. ugh. Even just doing some of these things would’ve made this arc (imo) feel more... convincing and delicious

under the cut tho bc damn this is too long

In this essay I will—

Edgeshot??? EDGESHOT?? EDGESHOT?? i’M GOING TO GO OFF.

I swear to shit Edgeshot could’ve soloed the hospital but they had him at the PLF mansion for Some Reason like... like they didn’t make him run up on the League’s bar instead of the Nomu factory bc they knew he would take care of shit immediately. Make it make sense. If he was at the hospital eye just—Nomu in the way?? Doctor running off? Say less. Electric slide all the way in there Shinya. DID NO ONE SEE HOW EASILY HE HANDLED KUROGIRI? Did everyone just forget this man can pull a K.O in .3 seconds flat? Heroes didn’t think it might be a good idea to have him there, ready to give Shigaraki the paper cut of his life the second he woke up (if he even did bc my mans likely could’ve prevented the ‘doctor getting away>high-end awaken>rush to get shiggy out of the tank>shiggy wakes up’ chain of events)? Didn’t think to send him instead of this guy X Less just sitting there with That Look on his face?

I get they needed heroes like Edgeshot at the mansion to take out a handful of enemies in one go but COME ON NOW. There were more than enough long-range AOE heroes there. And even if you don’t wanna believe he could solo then STILL, EDGESHOT DUOING WITH MIRUKO, ANYBODY? If anyone was gonna keep up with her happy ass zooming into the lab it could’ve been him. We were robbed of an Edgeshot/Miruko teamup and I’m not okay. Could’ve had a sexy ass panel of the hospital-team hyping up Miruko and Edgeshot as they dashed to Ujiko’s lab, two fast as shit bad bitches, zooming through these Nomu, absolutely obliterating them at lightning speed, watching each other’s backs too, PROBABLY SAVING MIRUKO FROM BECOMING THE PRE-DEATH ORGAN DONOR THAT SHE IS NOW. I know it was hot watching Miruko take on these high-ends but I’d have rather Edgeshot share the spotlight if it meant Miruko was in one piece rn. Hori played her

Anyways the literal dumb bitch energy that went into not sending Edgeshot to the hospital is sending me. Could’ve at least let him just be on the team and on standby while Shigaraki was waking up. With those sharp as shit reflexes of his we’ve seen? Shigaraki would’ve been out like a fucking light the second Edgeshot saw him sit up. X-Less you had a nice thicc upper lip that lip was too shaded for you to die, but F in the chat bitch. Useless plot fodder I’m sorry X-Less. There isn’t a hero there right now (besides Aizawa but like... idk, plot is nerfing him) that could’ve incapacitated Shiggy so quickly and prevented the mess they’re in now like my guy Edgeshot could’ve. Feels like a cop out

In conclusion: Edgeshot sweety I’m sorry they did this. I’m sorry you were nerfed. I’m sorry they didn’t let you deliver Kamino Pizza to this hospital. I’m sorry they ignored you and now everyone’s gonna die bc they didn’t they respect your Ninpo rights

CEMENTOSS??? y’all sent him to fuck up the mansion FOR WHAT??? If I were the hero commission and thought :

“Dang we need to completely ass blast this huge PLF resort to make room for our heroes to run in... but it would also be good if we had someone to do that at the hospital too just in case things get tricky and we need to pave a quick way to Ujiko’s secret hideout... but I’m single-celled and can’t weigh my options logically so ok. Cementoss, to the mansion.”

...................... Ok but can I in interest you in PIXIE BOB? I get the mansion is huge but going by the shit we’ve seen her do?? I’m not about to underestimate ol’ girl. I know she could’ve fucked that place up if they let her, switched her out for Cementoss, who could’ve made THE EASIEST route for the hospital team to get into the secret lab, trapped Ujiko, also trapped a couple nomu/high-ends in cement while he was at it, rearranged some tunnels for optimal tactical movement, probably could’ve done a decent-fucking-job at slowing the onslaught of Decay too if it got to that point (AND IT MIGHT NOT HAVE BC THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS RANT IS TO INSIST THAT A BETTER SELECTION OF HEROES WOULDN’T HAVE RESULTED IN SHIGGY’S CURRENT THANOS SNAP ORdEAL)

I know Pixie’s mostly on rescue operations and that’s what she’s doing at the hospital/surrounding city but WHY?? EVEN IF THEY REALLY NEEDED CEMENTOSS AT THE MANSION—WHY NOT HAVE PIXIE BOB DOING SOMETHING IN THE ACTUAL HOSPITAL BATTLE? JUST A LITTLE? The hospital is built on uh.. oh yeah... EARTH? And considering in the Forest Training arc she was using her quirk from a remote location (to make that Earth golem, or whatever) she wouldn’t even HAVE to be IN Ujiko’s lab to be useful

Can y’all PLEASE put at least ONE of your terraforming heroes at the place where y’all REALLY need them?? And not after-the-fact like y’all just did with Pixie Bob? Because clearly she didn’t do shit this last chapter trying to stop Decay. I’m sorry girl. You may be dead. Terrible.

I would have legitimately sent Snipe to get Ujiko before I sent Miruko and that’s that on that. Where is he even? He was there during the briefing but he’s gone? MIA? Idk. No way Ujiko is getting away from those bullets. Target locked: Ujiko’s hand. Fire. High-end Nomu remote goes bye bye. Then another bullet in the leg. No need to worry about him escaping and waking up high-ends/Shiggy when he doesn’t have kneecaps. Problem solved. No way it would’ve taken that long to break Shiggy’s tank either with a few well-placed pew pews zigging around some Nomu (not that we really wanna break him outta his tank bc look what happened). Snipe’s 6/5 technique stat deserves better!!!!!

Gang Orca did not go off and give a bunch of kids brain damage during the License arc to be so thoroughly ignored here. He’s clearly about to get his shit rocked by some gauged-out ex-Hot Topic employee in the next few chapters and ugh you’re TOO GOOD FOR THAT ORCA. COULD’VE BEEN OF USE AT THE HOSPITAL. PARALYZING SONIC WAVES? WE’LL TAKE IT. Who knows if any of the high-end Nomu would’ve been affected by paralysis but the small fry? Probably. Shiggy’s little twink ass? I would bet on it. Not that it would really stop him from using Decay but still

At the risk of sounding like someone I know who endorses child labor (the hero commission) here me out: CAN I GET A UHHH JUZO HONENUKI??? AGAIN YEAH good that he was at the mansion to do some long-range AOE action but if y’all are gonna force kids to join in on this war anyways, put your strongest and most useful ones at the place you need them. Shit it would’ve been real nice if Honenuki was there to trap some Nomu—uncertain if it would work against the high-ends that show some pretty flexible quirks but who knows—and even at the risk of reaching, maybe in some universe where Shiggy and Honenuki face off, it would be interesting to see Decay against Softening, since Decay’s one big weakness is that it can only work on solid objects sooOooOo? Idk. Would’ve been a cool match up but I hate that the kids are fighting anyways so we’re gonna ignore this Juzo rant. Just know it would’ve been cool

And as for the mess that’s going to be this fucking mansion soon... .. We’re just gonna ignore a whole ass Geten, big destructive power, big fucking threat, and not gonna throw Endeavor’s ass in there? Makes sense. They’re leaving it to Shoto I guess. They said time for you to fucking shine kid. Get in there. I mean really trading Endeavor for Edgeshot would’ve been top tier strategy but...

I MEAN THEY?? Made up a whole ass plan to counter ONE greasy-looking PLF guy by throwing Kaminari in there, but they couldn’t make up a plan to counter Geten? Are they just?? Pulling names out of a hat to see who gets to fight who? Did they spin a bottle to see who it landed on? Did Mt. Lady pull the short stick? I swear on shit when Geten starts going feral soon I’m not gonna feel sorry about it. Unless heroes got a plan and someone’s gonna make a sexy ass top 10 anime entrances to counter his ice then I’m disappointed. We went ape shit over Kaminari countering one of the commanders but are we not gonna get anymore ‘I’m your perfect counter and I’m here to stop you’ moments? No? I’M PISSED.

I would have also settled for my kween Nejire being there to blast away some ice because who tf else is gonna do it? But eh.

Dabi will also be trouble depending on what he decides to do. He only has about 3 good ideas a month and he’s used them all up by now so he’s in dumb slut territory as we speak. But you’d think that a villain as widely recognized as Dabi with such a destructive quirk would urge the heroes to have some plan to take him on but?? So far I don’t really see anyone quick to take on the role. Not that it’d be that hard bc he’s dangerous but also dangerously dumb. Where is Inasa. Maybe he can just blast the flames back in Dabi’s face. I love him but at this point he deserves to have some of his rights taken away

Don’t even get me start on Gigantomachia. I get the heroes had little choice except to attack before Shiggy was full-power but just?? NOT having a plan in case by some little chance Gigantomachia DID wake up? You stupid bastards. You absolute fools. I guess there’s not much you CAN do but FUCK y’all just gonna let him SIT THERE? No counter measures? No ‘Let’s execute this incredibly thorough and thought-out plan we’ve spent months formulating to restrain Gigantomachia in case he does end up waking up, because better safe than sorry’? When he tramples like 50 students I bet that shit gonna hurt

I hate it all. I was really happy about seeing Shiggy go off 272 bc he’s a king but after rereading from like, 258 I feel... weird. Maybe this will be resolved with more chapters but. eh. Now that I’ve thought of this, I can’t go back. I miss the brain power that was behind the MLA fight

#bnha spoilers #bnha 272 #i'm mad #bnha #Why did I make this? It’s so dumb #i'm gonna wake up tomorrow and scream #they're 2d bro LMAOOOO #is htis a meta #meta #bnha meta

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zsoof-draws · 3 years

Text

saccharine | a seccolata playlist

pronouns and stuff are adjusted x) [ the link is h e r e ]

saccharine — jazmin bean: everything you do/ i'm obsessed with you/i don't mean to scare/ but you're just so cute/ every move you make/ you're fucking sweeter than a cake/i wanna cut you up/ and put you in my oven just to bake/ this shit is scaring me/ the thought of caring/ for anyone makes me want to scream/ looking at you makes me wanna/ gouge out my eyes/ bloody surprise/ like cherry pie/ will you be mine?/ saccharine, feeling kind of sick vomit in my teeth/ i don't want this responsibility

baby eyes — green day: they say my middle name is danger/ the guy you keep away from strangers / i’m out of control/ oh baby when i see your pretty face/ god rest your fucking soul/ 'cause baby, baby I was born to kill

prescription — mindless self indulgence: i'm the doctor, i'm the patient/ don't forget that, it's important/ if ya love me, like i love me/ everybody will be sorry

nine inch nails — closer: i broke apart my insides/ help me/ i've got no soul to sell/ i wanna fuck you like an animal/ i wanna feel you from the inside/ my whole existence is flawed/ you get me closer to god

fuck time — green day: take a look into my eyes/ i wanna hold you 'til you're paralyzed/ oh baby, baby, it's fuck time/ you know i really want to make you mine

dna — little mix: no scientist or biology/ it’s only natural that i'm so affected/ and my heart won't beat again/ if i can't feel him in my veins/ no need to question, i already know/ it's in his dna

turn me on — nicki minaj: doctor, doctor, need you back home/ doctor doctor, where you at? give me something/i need your love, i need your loving/ you got that kind of medicine that keeps me coming

the dismemberment song — blue kid: hold still, my sweet/ i'm trying to measure the space between your molar and your jaw/ this caliper– no cause for fear/ no, it... it doesn't hurt/ it only helps me measure how much skin you have

can’t decide — scissor sisters: i can't decide/ whether you should live or die/ you'll probably go to heaven/ please don't hang your head and cry/ no wonder why/ my heart feels dead inside/ it's cold and hard and petrified/ lock the doors and close the blinds/ we're going for a ride

culling of the fold — the decemberists: cut him up boy/ he's a wicked disgrace/ and he said it to your face/ you better cut him up boy/ take him by the teeth/ get him down on his knees/ with your hands all shaking

what do they know? — mindless self indulgence: beat me up/ beat me down/ mess me up/ beyond all recognition/ for what it's worth/ i'd do it again/ with no consequence/ i will do it again

adrenalize — in this moment: i must confess i'm addicted to this/ shove your kiss straight through my chest/ i can't deny, i'd die without this/ make me feel like a god

love buzz — shocking blue: would you believe me when i tell you/ you're the king of my heart/ please don't deceive me when I hurt you/ just ain't the way it seems

cascade — siouxsie and the banshees: the air was shining/ shining like a wedding ring/ barbed like sex/ i felt ten thousand volts/ my chest was full of eels/ pushing through my usual skin/ i opened up new wounds/ pouting, shouting

tear you apart — she wants revenge: he wanted her and this was bad/ he wanted to do things to him it was making him crazy/ now a little crush turned into a like/ and now he wants to grab him by the hair and tell her/ i want to hold you close/ skin pressed against me tight/ lie still, and close your eyes, boy/ i want to fucking tear you apart

drain you — nirvana: i don't care what you think unless it is about me/ it is now my duty to completely drain you/ chew my meat for you/ pass it back and forth in a passionate kiss/ from my mouth to yours/ i like you

touch — lights fade low: no one will stain you/ no one will pain you/ i'll keep you clean until my end/ no one will hurt you/ the way that i hurt you/ nothing will feel the same again

polly — nirvana: i think she wants some water/ to put out the blowtorch / let me clip your dirty wings/ let me take a ride, cut yourself/ want some help, please myself

qual — xmal deutschland: deine qual ist meine lust/ meine liebe ist dein tod/ nachts wenn du schläfst bin ich lebendig/ mein tag ist deine dämmerung/ meine wiege ist dein grab

clown — switchblade symphony: crying loud, you are crawling on the floor/ just a beautiful baby/ you're nothing more/ close your eyes/ you are crawling into sleep/ i swear i won't break you/ if you let me take you/ where the willows never weep

church of no return — Christian death: in the beginning there was sinning/ and in the end, well, let's pretend/ blessed is the fruit i dare you/ to take another bite of it/ and somehow i think you will/ in spite of it

bloody mary — lady gaga: love is just a history that they may prove/ and when you're gone/ i'll tell them my religion's you

spiritual cramp — christian death: crosses burn your temples on slaughter avenue/ it takes too much time to say 'i refuse'/ time is digging graves for the chosen few/ children dig graves for me and you/ describe the illness i'll prescribe the cure

cavity - first communion — christian death: nailing you to the wall/ nailing you to the spanish mystic/ i sit and hold hands with myself/ i sit and make love to myself/ i've got blood on my hands/ i've got blood on your hands

where did you sleep last night — nirvana: my boy, my boy, don't lie to me/ tell me where did you sleep last night

lithium — nirvana: i'm so happy/ 'cause today I found my friends/ they're in my head/ and i'm not scared, light my candles/ in a daze 'cause i've found god/ i like it, i'm not gonna crack/ i miss you, i'm not gonna crack/ i love you, i'm not gonna crack/ i killed you, i'm not gonna crack

carpe diem — green day: carpe diem, a battle cry/ are we all too young to die?/ making a living/ making a killing/ what's worth forgiving?

dirty rotten bastards — green day: calling all the demons, this is the season/ next stop is therapy/ we're the retarded and the brokenhearted/ the season of misery/ gonna take it further/ get away with murder/ and no one here is getting out alive

witness — mindless self indulgence (yes, unironically. no, i’m not writing down the lyrics.)

brain stew — green day: my mind is set on overdrive/ the clock is laughing in my face/ a crooked spine, my senses dulled/ passed the point of delirium/ on my own, here we go

minority — green day (my big cio song!!): i pledge allegiance to the underworld/ a face in the crowd unsung, against the mold/ without a doubt singled out the only way I know/ 'cause I want to be the minority/ i don't need your authority/ down with the moral majority

dr. feelgood — mötley crüe (dealer cio dealer cio dealer cio): i've got one thing you'll understand/ he’s not what you'd call a glamorous man/ got one thing that's easily understood/ he’s the one they call dr. feelgood

ich will — rammstein: ich will dass du mir vertraut/ ich will dass du mir glaubt/ ich will deine blicke spüren/ ich will jeden herzschlag kontrollieren/ ich will deine phantasie/ ich will deine energie/ ich will deine hände sehen/ ich will in beifall untergehen

gimme chocolate — babymetal: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

candy candy — kyary pamy pamyu (see above)

body — mother mother: take my eyes, take them aside/ take my face, and desecrate/ my arms and legs/ they get in the way

spellbound — siouxsie and the banshees: from the cradle bars/ comes a beckoning voice/ it sends you spinning/ you have no choice/ following the footsteps/ of a rag doll dance/ spellbound

someone’s in the wolf — queens of the stone age: he steps between the trees, a crooked man/ there's blood on the blade/ don't take his hand/ tempt the fates, beware the smile/ it hides all the teeth, my dear/ what's behind them/ so glad you could stay/ forever

gutter glitter — switchblade symphony: iridescent eyes, of the seahorse rise/ treasure he loves, others despise/ braceletes of silver adorn my wrists/ candy kissed from sugar lips

l’insetto — hiroshima mon amour: io voglio il cuore, io voglio il sangue/ voglio bruciare, voglio uscire/ io voglio andare dove mi porta la coscienza/ di essere un insetto/ voglio fuggire, voglio tornare/ é sempre il tempo per sognare/ ed ai miei occhi un fiore è differente/ un insetto è differente dagli occhi di un insetto

a day — clan of xymox: where are you/ when i am needing you… so far away/ i think you're the most important to me to me/ my sunken footsteps put themselves on/ through this gallery of deceased

restless heart syndrome — green day: i've got a really bad disease/ it's got me begging on my hands and knees/ so, take me to emergency/ 'cause something seems to be missing/ i'm elated, medicated/ lord knows i've tried to find a way/ to run away/ you’d be surprised what I endure

wallflower — switchblade symphony: something is happening underneath the ground/ for he’s been waiting to bloom/ thinking and wondering/ of his climb up to the sun/ “let me grow… the soil, it strangles me”

#seccolata #cioccolata jojo #secco jojo #jjba pt 5 #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #jojo pt 5 #cioccolata/secco #my playlists #saccharine

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little-wicked10 · 4 years

Text

Fragile (Unamed OFC x Negan)

Summary: It’s not everyday the devil meets a woman he wants to be gentle for.

Warnings: SMUT!!!, cursing, mentions of smut, mentions of sexual assault

Her life before the sanctuary she wants to forget. It was a time when she was more afraid of the group she was with more than the walkers. The Saviors had found her hidden away in the back of a truck, terrified, and shaking like a leaf. When Simon lent out a hand to help her out of the truck, she cowered. None of the men that had taken over the small camp could understand why she feared such a small gesture, but she did. The men in her group assaulted her. There was never a night when she was safe from their rough and invading touches. Dirty and drunk words would be slurred in her face as they roughly pawed at her body.

There were nights where she had wished they would rape her and leave her for dead; to finally get it over with and let her die. Life wasn't worth living anymore when you had been violated in both mind and body. She'd begged them once to end her suffering, but her pleas were only met with laughter and the explanation that she wasn't worth the energy it would take to take their belts off. She had lost hope after that, even after she was being rescued there was still no hope left in her body that she'd would ever feel whole again.

This fragile girl caught the attention of the leader of the Sanctuary upon arrival. Her natural beauty is what he noticed second about this young woman. She feared that caught his attention. An aura of something dark lingered around her. For him, it's easy to write it off as a fragile mind traumatized by the new world order, but how he would come to be so wrong.

When a man in a leather jacket gave her the option to marry him or work for points, she didn't know what to do. Negan wanted her to be a wife. Besides her being smoking hot, he knew she wouldn't be able to work for points with her veering away from men so easily.

"Listen, honey. I'm gonna be straight with ya. There isn't a job in this place that you could do to earn enough points to feed yourself. That makes you a target to some not-so-friendly guys that are walking around with a constant hard-on," he blatantly admitted as he sat behind a metal table. Her teeth gnawed on her bottom lip, most likely about to bleed from the nervous habit.

"Now I don't tolerate rape or mistreating women in my Sanctuary. With you, I'd rather not run the risk. Here's my offer. Marry me, and you will never have to worry about any man rubbing up on ya that you don't want to," he bargained.

She looked at him with fearful eyes, "B-but that means that you can…."

He quickly cut her off, "I don't touch a woman that doesn't wanna be touched. If you marry me, you can lounge around all the livelong day. I'd just have you around to look at somethin' pretty, but don't tell anyone else that."

"W-why are you o-offering me this?" her voice unintentionally shook.

Negan looked at the woman head to toe, carefully overseeing her entire demeanor before speaking, "Because I know you've seen shit. I don't like seein' pretty girls like yourself scrounging around for points. I keep women safe in this joint."

After that meeting, they never spoke again. She agreed, and her life began as Negan's new wife.

—

It had been months, and Negan kept his promise. She never saw him unless he was picking a wife for the night or showcasing his harem to some recruits. No one knew of the traumas she had faced except her. She had no friends and kept to herself. The other wives spoke ill of her, but she didn't care for their catty nature or false accusations. The depression and anxiety that rattled in her mind kept her isolated, but it didn't keep her from observing her so-called husband.

Any time she's around him, she watched him. How he carried himself with such self-confidence and dirty humor. His over the top personality was frightening and intriguing to her all at once. Negan came off as an asshole, but it often became overshadowed by the memory of his words he'd said to her on their first meeting.

'I keep women safe in this joint.'

As far as she'd seen, he stood true to his word. She'd heard the stories from the other wives of Negan's cruel punishment for those that been caught in the act of hurting women. Information that should've frightened her, gave her a strange feeling. A feeling that hadn't been felt in some time. Safe.

—

On a particular night walking through the halls of the sanctuary, she'd heard something strange. Ragged breaths. She knew that sound and listening to it made her want to run away and hide. She about turned away when the sound of a familiar voice growling a very familiar cuss word pierced the breathing. It was Negan's voice. Logic told her to get the hell out of there, but curiosity began to lead her feet towards the door.

She's crazy for wanting to see what's happening, who he's with, what he's doing even though it frightened her to no end to see such intimacy. The door was cracked open with dim light pouring out into the hallway. Upon peeking in, she could see clothes scattered everywhere: heels, a black dress, dark jeans, and a leather jacket; a symbol of power throughout the surrounding areas.

Her eyes fall upon a scene unlike any she's seen. A woman, who she thinks was named Sherry, kneeled and bent over a couch with Negan behind her thrusting deep and powerful. Her nerves appeared and she gnawed on her bottom lip, brain processing exactly what was happening. Never before had she seen Negan like this. He's so…powerful and dominating. It frightened her at the same time that she almost wished that was her.

The dirtiest and filthiest words poured from Negan's mouth as he yanked Sherry's hair back, his mouth pressed against her ear. The anxiety began to creep its way into her body, but she couldn't bear to look away from the spectacle that was Negan having sex with one of his wives. For how much Sherry said she despised Negan, she seemed to love this side of him. The truth became clear: saving Dwight wasn't the only reason Sherry married Negan. The wives often talked about Negan's ferocious appetites for sex. A lot of how he fucked not made love to his wives, but she didn't believe it until now.

"Fuck! Take daddy's cock, baby!" Negan growled.

Sherry responded with a moan.

Negan knew she was watching. He'd seen her figure appear in the cracked door and decided to put on a little show for the wife he hadn't touched. He planned to show her what she was missing out on. Negan let loose the dirtiest things he could think of before he finally let it be known he knew she was there. Negan made eye contact with her and continued to fuck the brains out of Sherry. It didn't register with her that they were staring into each other's eyes until ten seconds later. The ego boost he felt in the moment made a smirk adorn his face and throw a devious wink her way before going back to work.

After that wink, she quickly ran away back to her room. So many feelings and emotions filled her being at what she'd just seen. Flashes of memories mixed with images of Negan fucking Sherry swirled in her head. Confusion plagued her the rest of the night causing her to be restless. She was afraid to sleep. Afraid that what she'd seen would trigger nightmares. Afraid to stay awake for fear of still hearing Negan's moans and them turning into the men's she despised. The last thing she wanted was for Negan to be like those men. Logic told her he wasn't, but the irrationality of her anxieties told her he could be. By the time the sun had risen through her window, she'd come to a conclusion: She did want Negan. She's just afraid of what might happen if she gives in.

—

"Well, my little peepin' tom, did you enjoy the show last night?" A deep voice whispered in her ear. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she whipped around, and her husband stood before her with a mischievous smirk on his face and his hands clasped behind his back. A blush of embarrassment spread from her face down her neck.

Her stammering words trying to find an explanation were halted by his words, "Come with me. We need to have a talk, dear wife."

All the wives in the room watched with utter shock as Negan led her out of the parlor. He'd never chosen her since she'd arrived. She'd most likely be interrogated by them when she got back….if she came back. The silence was almost unbearable the entire walk to Negan's room. He kept a chirper and amusing atmosphere, but stories had warned her that, that mood could change very quickly. She didn't know how Negan felt about her invading his private time with one of his wives, especially his favorite.

Negan opened the door to his room for her before walking in after her and shutting it, silently turning the lock. "Now what do you have to say for yourself, little missy? Sneakin' around late at night and spyin' on me havin' an intimate moment with one of my wives," his voice was unusually amused. She began to shake, unable to conjure up why she'd peeked in on him with Sherry. Negan watched as she stared down at her feet and bit her lower lip. He took note of her shaking hands clasped together and the tears threatening to pour down her cheeks.

"Hey now. No cryin'," he came closer to her and placed her chin between his thumb and pointer finger so she'd look him in the eye, "I just wanna know what you were doin', baby. I ain't gonna punish ya."

Hazel eyes stared into her soul. Confused feelings made her more afraid. She calmed down knowing he wasn't going to punish her for eavesdropping, but there was still the underlying feeling that something else was about to happen.

"Because I think…you want a little freaky deeky. Am I right?" he assumed.

Her mouth opened and closed, but no words came out, just stuttering.

"I think I'm right. That lil' pussy get wet last night seeing me go buck wild on Sherry?" he was unaware of the dangerous waters he was treading with her, "You want daddy to take care of it?"

She hadn't noticed he'd backed her up against the door until her back hit the hardwood. One of his hands began to wander with much dominance and aggression that was all too familiar in a terrible way. Pure, unadulterated fear gripped her being, making her lock up against him. His smile suddenly wasn't charming, it was terrifying. Memories flashed in her head. Their voices, their disgusting breath, their touches. It was becoming too much.

"P-please…d-don't," was all she could manage to say.

Negan froze, hand disappearing from her body in an instant. The gravity of her tears had a new meaning. Before, he thought they were tears of fear that she might be in trouble, but he realized they were tears of trauma. He moved away from her body slightly, giving her room to breathe. She released a shaky breath.

"What did those men do to you, sweetheart?" He finally asked.

Silence.

"Tell me," he demanded.

This was the first time someone had asked her, or cared enough to ask, what happened. She didn't believe that he cared, but the worry on his features told her otherwise. "They touched me. Said awful things to me. Made me suffer," she whispered. There was suddenly relief in her chest. Not much of one. It was slight. As if speaking it into reality, to someone that cared, began her journey to healing. She felt like she could finally speak. Now was her chance to say everything. She didn't want to lose the momentum she felt. Negan suddenly felt like a huge piece of shit. He should have known better.

"Negan,…I know I'm not exactly…whole, but you make me feel safe. You don't want anything from me. You don't want to force yourself on me. Y-you care, in your own way, for my well-being," she admitted, "Which is why…I do want you, but you probably won't want me because I can't give you what you want."

"And what do I want, sweetheart?" he asked, a bit stunned with her confidence to admit all of this.

Her blush made him want to smile, "What you had done with Sherry. I don't want that. I'm terrified of doing stuff like that. The girls say that you don't…do slow. That you just fuck."

Negan rolled his eyes at the mention of the dumb idle talk of his wives, but there was some truth. He hadn't taken it slow with anyone in a long time. A violent world made a man want the same in bed. Negan sighed before taking a good look at her. He could tell the words were genuine. Not ones she managed to conjure up to tell him no.

"I want you to touch me, but....not like they did," she added.

He'd be damned if that little statement didn't warm his heart and tickle his balls all at once.

"Are you sure, darlin'? You know I ain't about forcing women to do what they don't wanna do," he stated very clearly.

"Yes. I'm sure. You'll just have to be patient with me," she said with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Negan chuckles a bit, "I'm the one you're gonna have to be patient with. I ain't use to this whole slow thing."

"You mean....you're gonna try?" her voice was small but hopeful.

"I will do my very best, doll," he reassures.

Once again, her teeth found purchase of her bottom lip as she waited for something to happen. Negan had to reassess his approach. His previous one wasn't the way to go with her. He swallowed the lump in his throat and quietly approached her again. His rough calloused hand gently stroked her cheek before traveling very slowly down her body to secure itself on her hip. The rise and fall of her chest told him she's nervous, but her reassuring nod and slightly shaking hands coming to rest on his shoulders told him that she's ok with what was happening.

Negan grasped both his hands on her hips and gently brought her against his chest. Small arms wrapped around his neck, their lips an inch apart now. His breath tickled her cheeks until finally, chapped lips met soft ones in a very cautious and gentle kiss. A spark ignited in her body upon feeling his kiss and his hard body pressed against hers. It was one that she hasn't felt for some time. She assumed it had been extinguished long ago.

One of his hands came up and pressed against her lower back to bring her body flush against his. The other threaded into her hair, not daring pull a strand until he hears some sort of approval. Negan was used to taking control and being rewarded with very satisfied women, but in this small woman's case, he was going in blind. For the first time in a while, Negan was hesitant in his actions.

"You can move a little faster. If you want," she whispered.

Negan smirked against her lips, "Don't wanna go too fast for ya, honey."

She nodded, small voice approving a slightly faster pace. The sudden courage surprised even herself. Negan took the advice and carefully picked her up, making her wrap her legs around his waist so he could walk towards the bed. His boots thumped against the wood floor until he finally stopped at the foot of the bed, gently setting her down.

The innocent and fearful look in her eyes made him want to go beat those soulless sons of bitches that hurt her. They'd hurt her to the point that a mother fucker like him made her feel safe. It didn't feel right for this to be real, but it was. Negan was brought out of his trance when he noticed she'd taken her shoes off and was starting to unzip her dress. A large hand around her wrist made her stop and become fearful that she'd done something wrong. "Let me do that," he ordered. A silent nod was his only reply before he slowly got down on his knees. She felt his callused hand take her right leg, slowly going up her calf before letting his lips follow the path he'd just made.

Goosebumps appeared on her skin as his salt and pepper scruff scratched against her skin. Negan's other hand gently pushed against her abdomen, signaling her to lay down. Following his silent instruction, she gently laid back and let him do as he wished. A terrifying thought she quickly chased away with focusing on the feeling of his lips that were now on the inside of her thigh. As he alternated to kissing her other thigh, his hands began to push the skirt of her dress up. Sudden warm breath against her covered center made her shiver, and Negan smirked with approval.

'Such a slut for us, aren't you?!?'

Muscles tensed and tears pricked in her eyes, trying to close her legs at the memory. With Negan stuck between them, it wasn't possible. "P-please don't do that," she shook as her words trembled, "T-they use to bite me. M-make me b-bleed and hurt." Negan contained his growl of anger. How could someone treat a woman like this? The gentle call of her name made her look at him.

"Darlin', I'm not gonna do that. I promise it'll feel good," he reassured. Her white-knuckling the sheets told him she didn't believe him.

"Trust me," he whispered, slowly running his hands up and down her legs. Her grip relaxing on the sheets gave him the go-ahead. Negan knew he wasn't the most patient man in the world, but he didn't expect every ounce of it to disappear once he took her panties off. The sight of her glistening and spread out for him sent a primal hunger straight to his mouth and dick.

"Good God, woman," he groaned, "I've seen a lot of good pussy in my day, but this takes the cake."

He noticed her cringe a bit, and he silently cursed himself. Bad Negan.

To rectify his mistake, Negan gave her center a kitten lick. Hot damn did she taste divine. He did it again on the outer part of her clit, and she gasped as he growled at the taste. How he would love to dive in and just make her cum over and over again. His patience was wearing thin, but he didn't want to hurt her so he took her hands in his.

"Darlin'," he took her hands in his before urging her to grab onto his slicked-back locks, "You got control. Yank me around if ya like."

She looked a bit confused but rolled with it as his tongue made full contact with her center. She cried out at the foreign yet pleasurable sensation that came from his slow and painstaking devouring of her sticky sweet pussy.

His moan vibrated against her and added to the pleasure. Her whimpers, moans, and mewls motivated him to keep going. He hadn't noticed he'd sped up to a pace that frightened her until she hissed and tugged at his hair. He pulled back a bit but went ahead with his idea of teasing her leaking entrance with a finger. The feel of her hips at first moving away from his impending intrusion made him reassure her that he would take care of her. The reassurance made her relax against him, legs opening slightly to allow him more room to work. When he finally penetrated her with his middle finger, he cussed out loud at how her walls gripped him tightly.

"Christ, baby," he groaned, taking a breather himself to keep from just standing up and fucking her brains out.

She knew she was asking a lot of him to do this for her, to quiet the beast in him and try something different. Her walls burned at first when he began to finger her, but his mouth lapped at her clit and suddenly the whole thing felt amazing. Whines and whimpers escaped her lips that were better than any pornstar Negan had ever heard. He roughly shoved a second finger in her with great ferocity. The great pain Negan felt in his scalp told him his action was not welcomed.

Unfortunately, the pain mixed with the taste of her on his tongue only made his jeans more uncomfortable than they already were and increased the desire to do what HE wanted. Her whimpers of pain were what made him slap himself mentally. "Gotta bear with me, doll. I'm really tryin'," he grunted out, hooking his fingers up suddenly and coming into contact with her g-spot. The fingers locked his in hair suddenly went flying to grasp the sheets as her back and hips arched. Negan's chuckle was heard over her panting.

He stood up, fingers still locked in her, and leaned over her, "Never had a man find that spot, baby? Tell me, how's it feel?"

A strained moan was the response he got, her mind too focused on trying to comprehend the amount of pleasure-pain she was feeling. The pad of his fingers started to slowly stroke her little spot, and her legs began to shake as she grabbed a tight hold of the lapel of his leather jacket.

When his hand began to speed up, her small fingers wrapped around his wrist, "E-easy. P-please."

Negan nodded, "Alright, alright."

He could feel her walls fluttering around his fingers, but she wasn't quite there yet. With the lick of his bottom lip, Negan pressed his thumb against her clit, and the reaction was instantaneous. Her whole body shook as she nearly screamed, both hands grabbing a tight hold of him and legs closing around his hand to keep him from leaving her depths. Stars exploded behind her eyes and tremors racked her body. Never in her wildest dreams did she think that she'd ever feel something so...amazing. What helped her come back to earth was the feeling of Negan's lips delicately kissing along her face and neck.

"C'mon back, doll," he whispered, lightly (very lightly) nibbling on her ear lobe.

Her body went slack against his and released his hand so he could gently remove his fingers from her quivering pussy. Normally, he'd let his women suck his fingers clean while he praised them with all matters of dirty and filthy words, but he opted to get another taste of her sweet honey. The taste made him groan in satisfaction.

Negan felt her warm hands trail down his chest and then under his shirt, "Wanna feel you."

There was no response. He stood up, his warmth leaving the side of her body he was laid against and began to take his clothes off. When he had pulled his shirt off, she sat up. Her post-orgasm look was one he'd file away in his brain for a later jerk off session. Hands explored his chest. She lightly touched his faded tattoos, going over all his muscles before allowing her hands to go around his waist and feel his tense back muscles. Her lips connected with his neck and her fingers delicately traced the muscles, a way of trying to calm down the beast that made his chest rise and fall rapidly. Negan took this opportunity to unzip her black dress, making her pull away from his body so he could pull it over her head and off.

"Goddamn," Negan bit into his lip as he felt his hands, and dick, twitch at the sight of her completely naked before him.

She instantly hid her body from his hungry eyes.

Negan took her hands and removed them, "Ain't nothin' to be ashamed of, baby. You got a super hot body!"

His cheeky remark made her giggle slightly.

"There's a smile. You know you don't gotta do this if you don't wanna, darlin'. I'd understand," he reassured.

She shook her head, "I want this. I want you."

Even though she was frightened, the idea of Negan claiming her in the most intimate way possible made her feel so much different than before she had walked into this room. The fear was slowly being replaced with a warmer feeling. A feeling of safety and wholeness. Being in this room, with him, in this fortress made her feel safer than she had in a long time. Negan directed her to travel farther up the bed and lay down. As she did, she watched him crawl his way from the bottom of the bed to hovering over her body, jeans completely abandoned on the floor. When she looked down at his manhood, she gulped.

He must have heard it because he chuckled, "I know what you're thinking. Yes, it'll fit. No, I haven't torn a woman in half…yet."

She giggled but still felt nervous. Negan leaned down and kissed her gently, trying to distract her from her thoughts. Her fingers wove into his thick locks as one of his hands brought her leg to meet his hip. His dick laid against her womanhood. The animalistic groan that left his chest was downright sinful. The feeling of her warm wet center against his throbbing dick was heavenly. The rut of his hips against hers made her whimper. Negan wanted to ram himself home and fuck her into oblivion. He knew he could make her cum over and over again, but that would earn him a one-way ticket to the dog house. He'd feel like shit if he treated her like some piece of ass.

This one was different. Negan didn't know why. Never in all his days did someone so fragile and delicate come to him for safety. This was the first woman in a very, very, VERY long time that made him want to change, even if it was for the night. When she gripped his dick in her hand and placed it at her entrance, Negan nearly lost his cool. He growled, but stopped his hips from ramming at full force.

“Gotta warn a guy, doll, before you go around grabbin’ dicks,” he chuckled.

She blushed and released him.

“Gonna take this slow now,” he said.

She nodded and let him take the lead once again. Negan wasn’t a religious man, but he prayed he’d still have a shred of control when he got inside her. The moment of truth...grasping his dick, he started to push in. Her whimpers were accompanied by her legs tightening around him. He knew she was tight but not this tight. Negan’s grunts and groans were directly in her ear as he pushed in more and more. The sudden clench of her inner muscles and cry of pain made him come to a staggering and breathless halt. He was definitely gonna lose control.

“Baby, you wanna be on top? I don’t wanna hurt you, and I’ll lose my grip if I keep goin’ like we are,” Negan grunted.

The idea made her nervous, “I don’t know.”

Maybe she was asking too much of him?

“I’ll help you out,” Negan started to shift, pulling out of her gently and laying on his back before putting her over his lap.

She seemed a bit awkward as she was hovered over him. His hands gently ran up her body and back down to her hips, a comforting reassurance that everything would be fine. Negan took the time to help her ease down on to him. He held his dick still as she took her time to slowly push him inside of her. Her face contorted in pain as his tip stretched her open.

She went a little bit further down onto his dick before stoping and whining in pain. “Hey. Just breathe,” Negan encouraged, he himself having trouble continuing with his tip being squeezed in a death grip, “You take what you can, baby. Hell, I’d be fine with just watching you fuck yourself on my tip if that’s all you want.” She could tell he was trying to lighten the mood and help ease her mind. She knew she needed to relax.

With the way her body was so tense, it was going to hurt even worse. Her body craved for more of his touch while feared it all at once. Negan was surprised when he watched her start to take more of him, her inner muscles a little more relaxed. He moaned as her very tight warm walls encompassed him more and more. The grip on her hips was definitely going to leave bruises.

“Breathe, beautiful,” Negan urged as she continued to let herself be stretched. The urge to rush herself for fear of upsetting Negan plagued a part of her thoughts, but she pushed past it when suddenly he bottomed out inside her. Never in her entire life had she felt so stretched and so full.

Negan’s head fell back and he tightened his grip on her hips, “Oh my….fuuuck!” She was tight. She was tighter than most of the women he’s been with. How long had it been since this woman had sex? Or, had she even had sex before? He looked back at her face and could tell she was struggling with the feeling she was feeling. “Am…am I hurting you?” She stuttered. Negan let out a breathy chuckle, “Hell nah, baby. You’re just so tight around my god damn dick.”

She let out a curt giggle, placing her hands on his abdomen and trying to find some relief to the pressure she felt. Negan reacted quickly by letting his fingers work wonders on her sensitive clit. Her hips bucked making her cry out. Her over sensitivity from her first orgasm and the overwhelming feeling of being full had her arching her back. “There ya go, baby. Negan’s gotcha. Just take your time,” he kept reassuring her.

It didn’t take long for his fingers to coax her into moving, her body seeking out the pleasure it was craving. Negan could hear her holding in moans and small whimpers as her body began to find a rhythm. This little woman was doing wonders to his body. HIs dick was trapped in the warmest, tightest, wettest hug, and his eyes couldn’t stop looking at the little minx in his lap. It was better than porn. Pressing his rough thumb more into her clit made her whimper out and arch her back once again.

“Am I makin’ ya feel good, sweetheart?” his eyes dark with lust.

She nodded.

“Nuh uh. Use your words. I gotta hear ya,” he encouraged.

“Yes, Negan, yes!” she moaned while biting her bottom lip.

Suddenly she felt an overwhelming feeling. It was so intense and unfamiliar that she stopped her movements. Negan saw her fall from the precipice of probably the best orgasm she’s had and took action. “Oh hell no,” Negan suddenly flipped her over and gently hovered over her, “Baby, I’m about to give her the best pleasure you’ve ever felt.” Her eyes were a little fearful but it was quickly drowned out when she saw the genuine look in his eyes. She trusted him.

Negan took it as the go ahead and began thrusting into her, quickly bringing her back to the edge of bliss. Just as he expected, her body began to writhe against his to get away but he held her stead fast in place. “I-it’s too much!” she cried. Negan gently shushed her as he continued his thrusts and then quickly moved his fingers down and rubbed her clit.

It was as if the earth shattered for a moment. Legs shook, nails clawed into his back, and eyes rolled into the back of her head as the most mind blowing orgasm washed over her. Negan couldn’t hold it any longer and let himself drown in the pleasure and release into her. The feel of her nails dug into the skin and muscles of his back mixed with her quivering walls was all he could take. A shiver ran through him as the last of his seed was in her and he became spent.

When he had finally caught his breath a bit, he began to check on her. Her eyes were closed and her chest was heaving. She wasn’t quite back to earth yet. “You ok, darlin’?” he asked.

“Y-yeah,” she panted.

“Glad I didn’t lose ya,” he chuckled.

She attempted to chuckle but it came out as more panting.

He took his time pulling out of her overly sensitive walls and took it upon himself to get a warm rag and a glass of water for his spent wife. Returning from the bathroom, he found her still laid in the position he left her. Setting the glass aside, he gently placed the cloth against her center, but she quickly jerked, clearly too sensitive. He continued his task at cleaning up the mess he made of her and placing her under the covers.

It was rare that Negan was at a loss for words, but he found himself unable to say anything. The moment they had just shared was absolutely something else entirely. Slipping into his own bed beside her felt strange. He felt as if he should have said something, but what should he say? On the other side of the bed, she was having the same dilemma. Her brain was a bit fuzzy at the moment, but she’d never been in this position before. She was so use to being used. Her brain was having a hard time comprehending whether what just happened was good or not.

It felt better than good. Nothing in a very long time had felt even close to that. Then why was she scared that this was bad? She had let him have his way with her, be inside her. She had lain with him intimately, an act she had once swore to herself she’d never do. That there was no one in the world she could trust enough to be that intimate with, and yet here she was. Her thoughts were interrupted by a pair of arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her close. Her body was too weak to protest or even tense against Negan as he cuddled her. She felt his fingers delicately moved her messy hair aside to lay a sweet kiss on her temple.

“I hope this is ok,” he whispered.

She smiled a little, “It’s ok. I like cuddling.”

He smiled and kissed her again.

“Negan,” she whispered.

“Hm?” He answered, sleepiness beginning to take hold of him.

“Put a hickey on me,” she suddenly said.

Negan went a bit stiff and looked at her. Did she really just ask him to do that?

“Please,” she opened her neck to him more, “So people know not to touch me.”

Her pleading voice touched his heart strings. She wanted everyone to know what they had done. She wanted them know what they couldn’t do to her, that he was the only one with the privilege to do anything like this to her. He obliged. His mouth lightly fell upon her neck, delicately kissing his before latching his mouth onto the skin. She hissed and wound her fingers into his hair as his teeth nipped at her flesh. The slight pain of his mouth mixed with his scruff was a feeling she needed to remember for if they ever did this again.

After a few moments, Negan pulled away to see a large hickey in the shape of his mouth appearing on her neck. His mark was on her physically. It wasn’t permanent, but it was sure to be there for some time. Her fingers released his hair and touched her wet skin where the bruise was forming. Once she was finished inspecting her skin, she turned and nuzzled into his chest, fingers lightly playing with his chest hair.

Trapped in an embrace, the two lovers fell asleep with a strange warm and hopeful feeling washing over them both.

193 notes · View notes

ewgoals · 4 years

Text

Face The Truth

Plot: The reader has Bipolar Disorder and takes pills to keep her in check but one day she decides to stop taking the pills and Harry notices the change in the woman he loves very much.

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of s*x and suicide attempt.

Y/N was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when she was 17, the young girl didn't understand it at all. What happened? Why did she get this and none of her siblings did? She knew something was wrong when she felt like she couldn't control small things. There were moments when she had an obscene amount of energy like she could run thousands of miles without getting tired. There were also some days where she felt like she could sleep all day like it wouldn't matter how long she slept she was beyond exhausted. When Y/N finally got the answers that made everything make more sense, she was able to finally get herself on a steady regimen of various pills. The longer she took them the better she began to feel and after a few months, she began to feel like herself again. Y/N began finally going after the career she always wanted since she was a little girl and that was a lawyer, she began applying herself to her school work more and actually managed to reverse the damage her illness caused in the beginning.

Y/N was now 23, she finally had true control of her life that was until her friend talked her into going to an audition. Y/N couldn't believe she actually got the role of a lifetime in the DC movie Batgirl, this was beyond shocking to her but she still managed to keep her composure knowing that shocking or stressful situations could trigger a manic episode. Y/N kept her so-called dirty secret to herself, never wanting to tell anyone around for fear of being judged or better yet losing her job. She didn't think that it was going to affect her work relationship, so she didn't reveal it. Y/N managed to keep her secret to herself through all of the filming as well as post-production. Y/ N didn't think her life could take a turn anymore that was until she met him.

Y/N was at the premiere of Batgirl when they actually met Y/N and didn't really know who Harry Styles was. She heard about him through High School but she was more into old 80's rock and Black Veil Brides, she was more interested in his fashion-loving how he managed to bring in old fashion from previous decades and somehow make it his own. Y/N and Harry got along pretty quickly bonding over various bands they listened too and how their views of the world blended well together effortlessly. They exchanged numbers and went on with the day, Y/N didn't think much of it but she kept the number close.

Y/N without even noticing began talking to Harry almost every day, if it wasn't through texts or calls it was facetime. Y/N didn't want to admit that slowly feelings were developing but she didn't want to get herself worked up by nothing. The woman kept her feelings close to her until Harry showed up one day at her apartment, she didn't know that he was going to show or even be in New York. Harry looked nervous as he paced for a minute, this caused the woman to get very anxious before the brown-haired man said "Listen, I've been debating saying anything because well who knows if these feelings are even shared" Y/N was watching the man confused as she smiled "Okay Harry take a deep breath, now try and tell me what you need to say" Harry listened to the calming voice of the woman and nodded.

"I think this could be the beginning of something great, I feel like I could truly learn new things from you. I mean I can see us being together, I was sitting at the piano writing a song and it was coming together beautifully and while I was sitting there it hit me. The reason it was coming together was because all I thought about was you" Y/N was shocked but she managed to keep her smile contained for the most part as Harry continued "I was trying to not ruin this because our friendship is one of the purest things I have right now" Y/N just shook her head and smiled before she finally stopped the man from rambling by kissing him softly. Harry instantly relaxed as he finally slid his hand up and cupped her face slowly melting into the kiss, Y/N pulled away slowly as she whispered "I feel the same way... I was too scared to admit that to you because I wanted this to remain how we are. You keep me on the edge of my seat with your opinion about small things." Harry smiled as he just kissed the woman again.

Y/N and Harry have been together for almost a year now, Y/N doesn't know how she managed to keep her illness hidden from Harry but she did. Y/N was currently touring with Harry due to the fact she took a few weeks off from the movie she was working on without even remembering Y/N forgot her medication at home, at first it wasn't really a big deal but then the mania started to really take over. Y/N was staying up to all hours of the night never really feeling tired, she would often just lay in bed with Harry until he fell asleep then she would leave and begin doing random things around the hotel. One night she reorganized her and Harry's bags making sure everything fit properly and was sorted to the way she liked it, Harry would often find her up walking around or doing some random thing. Y/N was enjoying the mania.

Y/N rolled off of Harry, laying down next to the man keep herself wrapped up in the sheet stretching her back out as Harry said "I know that I should be enjoying the fact that you can't get enough of me" He joked but quickly continued with "but you've been up for days I don't think I've seen you sleep" Y/N shook her head "No, I'm just fine. I swear. I think I'm just not used to the different time zones every night. It's probably just jet lag or something" Y/N knew exactly what it was but she didn't want to admit that to him. He would leave her. She knew that "are you doing meth" Y/N gasped but shaking her head as quickly as she could "No, I would never. I've just been a little preoccupied that's all." Harry just nodded before he wrapped his arms around her body as he pulled her close into his chest "Just sleep please" Y/N nodded as she buried her face into his chest for the first time in a few weeks the woman managed to finally let herself relax. This was the first day of a long month.

Y/N fell asleep keeping Harry close as possible, Harry managed to get himself out of bed at a reasonable time when he looked over he saw Y/N still asleep. Part of him worried because the girl fell asleep around 10 pm and it was now going at 10 am. Harry decided to just let the woman he cared for to relax a little bit more feeling like she needed it especially since she hasn't been sleeping at all. Harry came back to the hotel room after the show which put the time around 12 am Y/N was still sleeping "Hey, Y/N what's going on?" Y/N heard the familiar voice which caused her to finally open her eyes as she said "Nothing just tired don't worry" Harry looked around the hotel room as he raised an eyebrow "Who all came in here?" Y/N just shrugged "I think a few members of the band. They had some drinks and tried to wake me up" Harry wasn't going to lie to himself, Y/N was in a bad position and he couldn't wrap his head around what it was.

It had been a week and no matter what Harry tired he couldn't manage to get Y/N out of bed unless they had to leave the hotel room to go to the next, Y/N hadn't been eating and she really only got out of bed to use the restroom other than that her personal hygiene and just the will to do anything was completely gone, Harry truly felt like he saw the woman he fell in love with completely begin to wither away. She had begun to lose weight, her hair was oily and no matter how much she slept she couldn't make the tiredness go away. Harry truly felt powerless, he decided that it was time to force the woman out of bed at least for a shower. When Harry returned from his show that night he finally worked up enough courage to say "Y/N get out of bed. You need to take a shower, maybe that will help you feel a little better" Y/N pulled the blanket over her head for she said "Leave me alone Harry" Harry shook his head before pulling the blanket away from the woman "Get up now. I'm not taking no for an answer" Y/N didn't know what happened but she began to cry "I can't Harry. I just can't"

Harry's eyes widened a little when he saw the woman crying, he walked over to where she was still laying down as he crouched down "Hey.. what do you mean?" Y/N just closed her eyes trying to make sure that her voice didn't completely give out on her "Please don't leave. I know I'm this huge bother.... I know that I'm holding you back.. I know that you could do so much better than me but please don't leave" Harry shook his head before putting his hand on the woman's cheek trying to wipe a few of the tears as he said "I would never. Y/N I love you" That was the first time in their one year relationship where either of them said those three words. Y/N looked at the man as she shook her head trying to hold back her few tears "no you don't Harry I've been lying for a whole year" Harry raised an eyebrow horrible thoughts were running through the man's head as Y/N finally kept speaking "I'm Bipolar... I stopped taking my meds so that you wouldn't see them" Harry eyes widened before he shook his head "Y/N, you can't do that my love. I promise you that your mental health is never going to change my feelings about you. if anything this makes me love you more because of how strong you are. God I thought you were strong before but this just changes how strong I think you are now"

Y/N finally sat up for the first time in what felt like years to her boyfriend, the woman ran her hand through her hair as she closed her eyes for a moment as she spoke “I need a shower” Harry chuckled a little as the woman smiled “I don’t want to say you do because that’s rude but i think that you should” Y/N laughed which caused Harry to smiled wide, it was the first time in what felt like forever as Y/N opened her eyes once more Harry was met with those beautiful Y/E/C that he fell so in love with “I love you too” was the words that slipped out of Y/N mouth. Harry smiled before he leaned up and kissed the woman’s forehead. Y/N rested her eyes as he kissed her forehead before she finally stood which caused Harry to stand as well “I’m going to go take a shower” Y/N said as Harry nodded, the woman left Harry in the hotel as she turned on the shower.

Y/N was sitting on the closed toilet as she looked around, she felt like Harry was lying and that he was going to wait until he felt that she was so called back to normal and leave her. Y/N looked around the bathroom as she began thinking “I know that I am holding him back. I know that he is better off without me I know that he deserves more” these thoughts kept going through her head as she quickly grabbed her make up bag and began searching through thee large bag and finding her pair of scissors that she hid just in case she needed to cut the tag off of something or need of an emergency haircut. The woman quickly dug the scissors into her forearm before she registered the man to herself and let out a scream she dug the scissors into both of her arms. Y/N dropped the scissors as she fell onto the floor gasping for a moment before the door finally opened. Y/N gasped as Harry walked in dropping the bag that he carried into the bathroom

Harry dropped to his knees quickly grabbing at the woman’s wrist applying pressure “Y/N what happened? What did you do?” the woman just shook her head trying to remove herself from Harry’s but his grip was too strong “stop it love” the man quickly grabbed his phone as he called 911 Y/N started crying., Harry hung up the phone gripping onto her arms tightly not letting go like the 911 operator told him too. It didn’t take long for the paramedics to arrive at the hotel , Y/N tried closing her eyes as Harry shook his head “No, you look at me. You keep right here Y/N” Y/N opened her eyes as she looked at Harry “Please stop. Please” The paramedics quickly removed Harry from the woman and began working on her, deciding to get her to the hospital as quickly as possible. Harry followed into the ambulance as he kept looking at her hands “Please don’t die”

72 hours have officially passed and even though Harry couldn’t see the woman he still stayed at the hospital, Y/N was placed back on her medication and kept under a very watchful eye. Harry was finally able to see the woman and Y/N smiled when she saw the curly haired man who looked tired and still in the same clothes “Harry” was all she whispered as Harry almost ran towards the woman he loved as he grabbed her hand “Y/N, Why?” Y/N knew she would have to talk about this sooner or later “I wasn’t thinking clearly the depression got the best of me. I’m sorry i put you through that and I can’t say that it won’t happen again because it might,even with the mood stabilizers.”

Y/N took a breath as she fought back the tears once more “One small thing could ruin years of work. I know that what I did was so stupid and I can’t take it back but all I can promise is that I will make sure that you never have to literally save my life again. I promise that if i am feeling down with my disorder I’ll open up and tell you. I won’t keep it bottled up inside of me. I will allow you to try and understand it for the better.” Harry nodded as he kissed the woman’s hand “I’ve never been so scared. I thought I lost you” Y/N felt horrible guit as she quickly hugged the man pulling him as close as she could given her serious injuries “I’m sorry I put you through this pain, If you need time I understand but I need you to know that you will always have my heart with you”

Harry shook his head as he said “No, I just need you to remember I love you. I want you and I want to help you.” Harry pulled away for a moment as he kissed the side of her head “ I canceled the last few shows, We are going back to your apartment and we are going to work through this and we are going to make sure that you feel better” Y/N smiled as he kissed him softly as she ran her hand through his hair “I love you so much Harry”

A/N: I know that you are feeling some type away because of this, I know this was hard to read and I need you to understand that I have been through this and I’ve felt this pain and I know that it’s difficult to think about. If you are like me and you struggle with Bipolar disorder please understand you aren’t alone and you have me if you need. If you want part two let me know because I have many more ideas for this also Requests are open for Harry Styles Imagines if you have any plot you want to be written. Oh! Not my gif!

#harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #one direction #one direction imagine #harry styles au meme #harry styles

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castiels-majestic-wings · 3 years

Text

Sixth Sense - Chapter 6

Paring: Loki x Female!Reader

Word Count: 2044

Warnings: Mentions of death/injury

Posted: 29/01/2021

"Steve this is-"

"I know. Tony doesn't even know you've seen this."

"This item- This is why I can do what I do. I-" You looked behind you seeing Loki's look of amusement and curiosity. Steve's eyes followed yours towards him. Giving a kind smile and introducing himself. He had kept his Luke persona, not wanting to seem suspicious.

"Luke, you should head home. This is official government business."

"Sure. Let's meet up again soon, Kitten." You smiled towards him, trying to hide your flustered state. You didn't expect him to give you a pet name. In front of Steve no less. He entered the elevator and waved as the doors shut. Steve chuckled before looking at you.

"Kitten?" He couldn't hide the amused look on his face.

"It's a nickname he used when we were younger." He nodded in understanding, taking a breath ready to speak before you. Knowing he wouldn't let it drop you tried to change the subject.

"Anyways, let's get back to the file"

"Okay, Kitten" You slapped his head with the file.

"Don't call me that!" The amusement never left his features but he let it go for now. The file was more important than teasing you at that moment. Flicking your eyes towards the pages in your hand you had read everything. How Tony found you. The item you had held in your hand. That was the source of your power. And it was a yellow stone. Just looking at it you knew exactly what it was. An infinity stone. SHIELD tried taking it from you but you had used a shockwave of energy to stop anyone from getting close to you. Except for Tony. No one knew why. But they said they would come back for me once he calmed me down. They had tried to take you in, but Tony had declined. He looked after you for 5 years before he let SHIELD take you in. But you had no memory of your life before Tony found you. You had pictures of your family with you. So you placed them in your house, hoping that you would remember them, even just a little. But nothing came. It was like your memory was wiped. But if you touched it again. Maybe you would get your memories back. Suddenly you knew where it was. It was in the building.

You dropped the papers at your feet. You looked up to the ceiling. You needed to get there. It called to you. Steve tried to get your attention, but you couldn't hear him. All you could hear was the faint hum coming from upstairs. You ditched the elevator and used the stairs to get there quicker. Once you entered the lab Bruce and Tony looked in your direction quizzically. Your head snapped towards the sceptre in the corner. You ignored any word that came from their mouths. You walked towards the table taking the blue orb from the sceptre. You crushed it in your hand revealing the stone that called out to you. Once it touched your skin a yellow glow coursed through your veins. A shockwave shook the entire building causing all the avengers present to make their way to you, the source.

After mere moments the shockwave died down and you kept the stone tight in your grip, tears flowing down your face. You turned to see the Avengers facing you, worry and shock covering their faces. You gazed at your hand that was holding the stone. Your veins were no longer glowing. You had faced them again before dropping to your knees, gripping the stone tightly, never letting it go.

"I remember…" Tears fell from your face. Natasha had slowly made her way to you trying to comfort you. But it didn't stop you from speaking. "I remember everything...Tony, you saved me. Even before you were Iron Man. You...You took me in, knowing I was dangerous. But you saw what I did, didn't you?" Your eyes never left him, they were filled with remorse and regret.

"Yes, I saw it"

"Then why? Why did you help me after I killed all those people?"

"You were just a kid! You didn't know what power you possessed, or how to control it. But you seemed to trust me. So I took you in, knowing that if I did you wouldn't hurt anyone." Your eyes narrowed as you made your way onto your feet once more.

"I killed my family Tony. I was just playing, collecting pretty rocks. Then I saw this one-" You raised your clenched fist. "-it spoke to me. Then once I touched it, a blast radiated from my body. My family was nearby. They got caught in the blast."

"It wasn't your fault kid-"

"The stone- It showed me. That I could trust you. If I wasn't holding it, I doubt I would've trusted anyone. But once I let it go. I lost all of my memories, except for my name."

"Y/N-” You stared blankly at Tony. The tears on your face were now dry.

"Tony. Thank you for saving me. And trusting me. But I can't be trusted anymore. Now that I know how I got my abilities. I don't trust myself."

"We can work through this, just drop the stone."

"I can't. It's a part of me. I can see its future. You and Bruce will create an unimaginable being using this."

"You can see the future?"

"No, just the path of the stone. I can see how it got into Thanos' hands. How he gave it to Loki before sending him here to destroy Earth. He wasn't lying. Loki was tortured to do what he did. And, it was used to enhance humans. Twins. They gained power from it" The look of pity showed on everyone's faces, they finally realised he wasn’t the bad guy after all. But after you spoke the stone burned your hand causing a scream from your throat as you dropped the stone, cradling your hand, holding it to your chest as heavy breaths left your lungs. Bruce slowly made his way to you, careful not to awaken any unknown abilities, before holding your hand upwards to check the injury, you had some burn marks but it slowly disappeared. Meaning it healed.

“It healed. Bruce what’s-”

“I don’t know, but it has something to do with the stone.”

“Test me.”

“What?”

“Run some tests, experiment on me I don’t care just figure this out. Please” The plea lest your mouth without any thought. You didn’t know what you were any more or what the stone had done to you. But something in you changed when you touched it again. Not just your returned memory, but there was something in your head. You didn’t know what it was. But it was dangerous, you knew what much at least.

“I’m not going to do that, I’ll take a blood sample, but I won’t do anything to you unless your test results are abnormal.” Not being able to speak anymore you just nodded. Dry sobs escaped your throat as you held your hands to your chest. Tony had approached you and kneeled next to you before holding you in his arms. Letting you sob into his chest as you clenched his shirt. All of this new information at once was too much for you. You were trying to wrap your head around the memories of your past and the events that just took place.

It took weeks for your head to make sense of all the information. Now you could see the images in your head more clearly. You saw how the mind stone got into Thanos’ grasp, and how it eventually found its way to Loki, through HYDRA, and back to you. It started when a SHIELD agent took the stone from the storage container Fury had placed it in, and took it to a blue alien, that you somehow knew was a Kree. The Kree worked for Thanos, and gave it to him so he was able to place it within the sceptre and tortured Loki into submission before sending him to Earth to attack. Then the HYDRA agents within SHIELD took it to Sokovia, experimenting with it before it finally worked on some twins, giving them abilities beyond your comprehension. Then when the Avengers took the HYDRA base, they found the sceptre and brought it to Bruce’s lab, in the tower. It was hazy, but you could see the path it would lead. A robot. A bad one. Will create an amazing version of itself, filled with goodness, justice, a harmful creation. Thanks too, Tony and Bruce.

You couldn’t tell anyone what you know, except for one person. He came to see you quite often. You had grown closer, and eventually, a friendship bloomed. He always kept tabs of your condition. Checking to see if any ill effect emerged from the stone, but none did. Since you were told to stay away from any missions until your head is screwed on, you were bored in the tower, so Loki often brought you books from Asgard to soothe your mind. A year passed before you felt normal. And just in time too. Steve found out that his oldest friend, Bucky, was alive. He was brainwashed by HYDRA to become the perfect assassin. A week after you got home, Loki returned. you were reading a book while laying on your bed. You knew he was busy so it didn’t matter how long it took for him to return. You were just happy to see him. He appeared at the bottom of your bed, his face showed a sense of urgency.

“What did I tell you about just appearing out of thin air? They have eyes everywhere. You can’t just show up out of nowhere.”

“My apologies, but it was urgent.”

“What is it Lokes?” You placed a bookmark between the pages you were reading before lowering your book next to you on the bed.

“It appears that something is different within you.”

“What? But I feel fine-”

“That’s precisely what’s wrong” Hearing that made you question everything. How could your recovery be a problem?

“What do you mean?” He sat at the bottom of your bed as he explained.

“I’ve been researching Infinity stones from Odins collection of private information. And Midgardians -much like yourself- shouldn’t be able to wield them. So the fact that you held one and survived was a surprise but twice? Now, that’s curious.” He held his chin in thought, gaze to the window.

“That was over a year ago-”

“Yes, but that’s exactly what I mean. It took a year to the day, for you to feel normal again, correct?” His eyes returned to you, pleading answers.

“Well yes, but what does that have to do anything?”

“This has happened only once in Asgardian history. Odin had kept notes on it. After you told me you felt normal again, I had to read over them again. And the only time in history a human could wield an infinity stone was when they weren’t fully human” The conclusion seemed impossible, but after everything you’ve seen as a SHIELD agent, it seemed more possible than you would originally think.

“Wha- You’re saying that I’m part alien? Me?”

“Yes, and since there are no physical changes in you I would assume you have Asgardian blood.” He concluded with a bored look.

“Asgardian? But Bruce took multiple blood samples, they all showed that I was 100% human.”

“What about recently?”

“I-I haven’t had a blood test in 6 months.”

“Get one done. Trust me on this, if I am correct, I will be able to help you.” His eyes were soft and full of truth. He just wanted to save you from whatever was happening.

“Okay, I’ll ask Bruce to check again” He nodded before disappearing. But something else took his place. Resting atop your sheets, was a golden book. It had Odin’s markings on the front. You knew it was the book he spoke of, with The Kings notes of everything he knew about Infinity Stones. You had the information you needed, now all you had to do was get the confirmation of your blood type.

Sixth Sense Taglist: @lovermrjokerr @lord-byron @lucywrites02 @violetica @quirkyreaderwriter @prettysbliss @ditsyisadumbadjective

#loki #loki odinson #mcu #loki lafeyson #mcu loki #loki x reader #loki series fic #loki friggason #mcu fic #mcu fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel #marvel fic #cazza writes

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