Tumgik
#typing this out during break
yanyanderes · 11 months
Text
me crawling out of my coffin to tell my followers i’m not dead i swear
Tumblr media
little ramble in the tags-
52 notes · View notes
fairyofshampgyu · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
A bit random but can’t stop thinking of tying beomie up with pretty pink silk bow ribbons <33 sjdjfuhh%%>€)£€%% tying up his dainty wrists with a bow, maybe one gagged around his mouth too or tying his legs to the bed just bondage with gyu and ribbons tied tight enough to leave pretty marks on his pretty body🎀 🎀 he’s such a pretty boy all tied up just having to take whatever you do to him, all yours to use as you please, whimpering and moaning softly underneath you but can’t move, your pretty doll <33
LIKE IS HE NOT MADE TO BE TIED UP W RIBBONS AND FUCKED LIKE THE PRETTY BOY HE IS ?!!>€€>>{€
267 notes · View notes
grumpyghostdoodles · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
The Almighty Sheriff!
Save a horse, ride a cowboy~
177 notes · View notes
Note
This Alenoaheather AU is bringing me an unholy amount of serotonin and I love it- I’m still just now discovering it and I wish I knew about it sooner😭😭 But question if I may!
So, by the time Noah gets eliminated, where would you say his relationship lies with Alejandro and Heather? Like, does he leave the competition like, “You both tried to play each other, but I ended up playing the both of you, L” Like does he just think that Alejandro and Heather only romantically like each other, and he was just their attempt at emotionally manipulating one another, or does he at least have an idea that they potentially may feel romantically towards him? Honestly I’m just curious about how his elimination would play out between the three of them-
I'm glad other people are enjoying this AU as much as I am. Me and Perp are slowly spreading our Alenoaheather propaganda and it's working.
It's been established that Noah's elimination in this AU will take place at some point in the early post-merge game, probably either China or the Serengeti (though Niagara Falls might work too. We haven't exactly touched on how each challenge can/will play out since this whole concept has been put on the backburner), which gives his dynamic with Heather and Alejandro time to blossom from the initial double fake dating ploy into something more genuine.
Well before his elimination, Noah's been caught in his double-crossing ways; or to be more accurate triple-crossing, since Noah initially decided to play along with both Heather and Alejandro's schemes with the intention of throwing them both under the bus (or at least reaping all of the benefits for himself). But, by the time his ploy is figured out, the three of them have developed genuine feelings for each other.
As such, Heather and Alejandro are hesitant to have him eliminated; sure Noah somehow managing to pull the wool over their eyes for as long as he did was infuriating, but it was also impressive. Like recognises like, and the two biggest schemers in the game can appreciate when they've been outplayed, aggravating as it is, especially when the person who bested them essentially used their own trickery against them. Also, though the two of them would never admit it, both Heather and Alejandro know that they'd honestly miss Noah's caustic company.
Of course, at this point in the competition Heather and Alejandro are still deep in their "rivalry" phase, so it takes the two of them a very convoluted and overcomplicated conversation to figure out that they both share the same sentiment concerning a certain cynic- since every encounter they have with each other is practically a game of backhanded compliments and dancing around the true meaning of their words. It takes even longer for them to come to an agreement, given how stubborn the both of them can be, but eventually they manage to co-operate.
Which is what leads to The Confrontation, the point in the story where the two fake dating plots merge into Heather and Alejandro putting aside their differences to rule the game together, utilizing Noah as their shared right hand man since he's shown a knack for strategy and subterfuge. After all, why would they want to get rid of the one person on the jet who's able to go toe-to-toe with them in terms of scheming, when they can instead keep him around as an accomplice?
At least, that's the excuse they both use. But the two of them internally can't deny that, even if it was all pretend, Noah wasn't a bad "boyfriend" by any means, and they genuinely enjoy his company. In turn, Noah's accepted that neither Heather nor Alejandro are as insufferable as he initially assumed, and that playing along with their grand plots is actually really fun. (And maybe he also likes the two of them, but Noah would never admit that.)
But there's a a whole cast's worth of people on the jet who the trio also have to consider in their plans; it would be super suspicious of all three of them if the flirting and Aleheather's animosity suddenly ceased. No matter how oblivious the rest of the competitors are, a sudden public change in their dynamic would be the equivalent of waving a huge red flag and screaming "hey, we're in an alliance, vote us out!" Very counterintuitive to their goal of winning the competition.
So the three of them resolve to act as they have been during challenges, and sneak off to the confessional when it's most convenient/feasible to do so, where they can plot and scheme away from the rest of the cast.
This means that, at least to everyone else in the game, Noah's still in this weird grey area where he's actively flirting with both Heather and Alejandro. Or, well, "flirting", since I imagine most of the advances would be initiated by the other party and Noah would play the part of the blushing damsel- or more accurately the begrudging but highly amused recipient, since I just can't conceptualise snarky, stoic Noah being the type to get flustered easily.
I imagine The Confrontation would happen somewhere around London timeline wise (it just feels like the most appropriate place to have a major shift in the plot happen, for obvious reasons), which would give the initial fake dating aspect of the AU time to run it's course without getting stale, and allow the three of them to establish their dynamic as a trio before the merge hits. It'd give Alenoaheather around five or six episodes worth of time to grow closer as a trio (from Greece's Pieces to Niagara Brawls, at least) and have their feelings grow and develop at a natural pace, to the point where they acknowledge that, perhaps, not all of the romantic tension between them is fake.
And then, of course, the Fake Cheating Arc happens. Noah's elimination is the catalyst for this section of the plot, which Perp and myself touched on pretty heavily in one of our reblog chains, and at this point in the story Alenoaheather are in a sort of vague kind-of-dating situation; the three of them know there's feelings there, but they're all more invested in the competition (and their manipulation of such) than trying to figure out what exactly is going on between them. Plus, World Tour takes place in 2010- concepts like polyamory weren't exactly common knowledge back then, so the three of them wouldn't have any basis of comparison for what their dynamic is/would be.
That, and the three of them are all fairly emotionally closed off, so getting them to admit genuine feelings for each other and show vulnerableness to anyone would be like pulling teeth. As it stands, they're fairly content to continue acting as a Trickster Trio, contented to leave whatever's going on between them unlabelled for the time being in favour of focusing their time and energy on winning the million. There's an unspoken understanding between the three of them; what they have is special, inconceptual and indescribable by mere words... which is mostly just an excuse for the three of them not to breach the subject, since they have the collective emotional intelligence of a spork.
That doesn't mean they don't love each other. Because they do, even if some of them (Heather and Alejandro) aren't exactly familiar with concepts like "unconditional love" and "loyalty/compassion for someone besides yourself" and "lowering your emotional walls and being the most genuine version of yourself in front of the people who care about you". It's a steep learning curve, but they're doing their best.
But that's besides the point; at this point in the plot, the trio are essentially a throuple in all but name at the point of Noah's elimination.
That's why his suggestion of playing off of his "cheating" is initially met with hesitance on Aleheather's part- they don't want the one person on the jet (besides each other) they actually care about to risk his reputation, but they also know that it's a strategically sound idea. There's a conflict of interest between their desire to win the competition by any means necessary, and the budding sense of empathy they've both began to develop as a result of their situationship.
Of course, they eventually agree to his plan, and then the whole Cheating Arc plays out as it's been explored previously.
Which means Noah's actual elimination ceremony is a very tense affair.
He's intentionally playing himself up as kind of a scumbag during it, since he wants both Heather and Alejandro to appear as sympathetic as possible to the remaining competitors, so the three of them stage an altercation during that day's challenge where Noah's caught out in his "cheating", and consequently "admits" that he's been playing the two of them and it's all ingenuine on his part, to direct the majority vote against him. It'd kill two birds with one stone that way; Noah gets himself eliminated without having to do much out of the ordinary, since he's already kind of an asshole so all he really has to do is play up that aspect of himself a little and lie about manipulating his partners, meanwhile Heather and Alejandro can reap the benefits of whatever brownie points they gain from being his "victims" by using their own manipulative prowess to adopt the role of the ex-villains, redeemed by their shared heartbreak. Or something equally melodramatic.
Noah doesn't really care about the specifics of it, he'll be long gone before his partners can start playing up their "betrayal and heartbreak", and then soon enough one of them will win the competition. And spoil him rotten with their money.
So, during the actual ceremony, Noah becomes persona non grata. No one wants to sit anywhere near him on the benches, and the remaining cast members form a protective wall between him and a distraught Heather, who sniffles back quiet tears every time her eyes wander too close to the cynic's slouching, impassive frame, and Alejandro who's sat eerily still and taut with disgraced fury, who's fiery green eyes haven't strayed from the burning glare he's shooting towards the bookworm.
Not that Noah's a stranger to receiving glares; the rest of the cast are also shooting him some downright murderous looks. Though he is impressed by his partners' acting abilities. He's also physically biting back pearls of laughter- the gritting of his teeth only serves to make him look unapologetically indignant, and thus more irredeemable in the eyes of their company- because every time Alejandro knows that no one's focus is on him, he sends his cerebral partner a cheeky wink and a smirk. The smug bastard.
Unsurprisingly, the vote is fairly unanimous. Chris doesn't even bother trying to raise suspense or tension by counting the votes, since the result is inevitable. That, and the atmosphere is already so tense and dramatic, the host is revelling in it. Chris even goes so far as complimenting Noah for outshining Duncan's cheating fiasco, showing the audience "what real relationship drama looks like", and maybe even congratulating Noah on almost being as heartless as he is.
He's escorted to the Drop of Shame, parachute backpack in tow, but before he can take the plunge he glances back at his audience. A raging sea of hostility greets him, but within the depths of animosity two shining beacons of light greet him. Alejandro and Heather shoot him a fleeting wave, the ghosts of smiles flickering across their features before they continue their flawless acts, but it's enough to reassure Noah that everything will be fine.
(Spoiler alert, things don't end up being fine for Noah.)
Of course this is all just an idea I'm spewing out. Nothing in this AU is set in concrete and it's always open to peer review or change. That's the beauty of public AUs; you can do whatever you want with them!
42 notes · View notes
123pixieaod · 8 months
Text
Inspired by this godly post which unlocked a part of my brain I didn't know existed, and solidly gave me complete and utterly brainrot until I wrote something
A thousand thanks to Lily for her wonderful help :))
"Does Kelly not mind you spending all your time with me?" Daniel asks, because she's Daniel and once she's thought something she can't keep her fucking mouth shut, even if she knows it's trouble.
Max looks up, pausing his set of weights, and blinks at her. Daniel feels her cheeks warm. One day, that mouth of yours will run you straight into trouble, young lady, her mum used to tell her, voice firm. Good girls know when to keep quiet. Daniel used to just laugh at the warning. Her laugh is loud and the opposite of quiet, but she used to know that everyone always loved her laugh.
"No," Max says after a beat and then continues lifting. Daniel hates the way her gaze tracks over him, lingering on the movement of his muscles, the ease with which he lifts the weight. Tawny hair brushed out of his eyes, cheeks dusted warm from the exertion. "Of course not."
"Why of course not?" Daniel asks. She wants to sew her mouth shut. This time, Max didn't look over as he answers.
"Kelly's very secure, she's not like other girls. And besides, she knows you."
It's strange. When Daniel was seven and Michelle eleven, they'd gone rock pool fishing. Michelle had been crouched over a shallow pool of water, her finger delicately brushing the tentacles of the anemone. Daniel had been scaling the rocks, wanting steeper, taller, more.
She'd found the shark first, nestled high at between the rocks, and for a beat she hadn't known what she was looking at. Just details, but nothing collective. Rotting smell. Shrivelled holes where eyes should be. Scales of silver lightning. Rubbery fish picked clean. The flash of bone, pearl white.
Then she realised what she was staring at, and screamed. Her father held her while her mother scolded her. I told you not to go climbing! It's too dangerous, Daniel. Why can't you just be good like your sister and stay by the shallow pools?
And then, later, ice cream. Her dad, beside her, explaining the horror away.
It's just nature, Dani. The waves wash them up, and they get stuck there. They can't get back to the sea, and then the sun dries them out.
They drown on air, Michelle helpfully pointed out, her feet kicking happily as she licked her 99. Daniel just just nodded, ice cream untouched. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the sunken holes, the rotting flesh.
She hasn't thought about that moment for years, but suddenly it washes back over her. She feels simultaneously both. The child, staring at the carcass, frozen in shock. The shark, burning up in the sun, chocking on air.
"What does that mean?" She asks, and somehow her voice is normal, is fine. She's fine. She's not a girl or a shark. She's stupid and a fool and a gawky, ugly idiot, but she's fine.
Max manages to shrug, even with the 50kg weights. "You know. Just that Kelly knows you. She knows what you're like. And she knows me too, of course."
Daniel swallows. She nods. She hates everything about herself.
"That's sexist," she forces herself to say lightly because if the silence stretches anymore, Max might notice and set his weights down and look at her, and Daniel can't bear that. She doesn't want his eyes on her, taking in every blemish and imperfection. The boyish, ratty clothes she works out in and her curls gone frizzy with sweat and her inked skin, so different to Max and Kelly's pale, perfect complexions.
"What's sexist?"
"Saying she's not like other girls," Daniel tells him, setting down the weights she been doing. Instead, she goes to grab the skipping rope, just for something to do.
Max laughs. Daniel's glad she's turned away. Her cheeks are burning again.
"It's the truth. You, of course, Daniel, are not like other girls either." He says it lightly and ends with a chuckle, as if it's all just a joke. Daniel drags a sweaty hand over her cheeks. Burning, burning, burning.
Apparently, in Max's mind, she and Kelly are the same; both not like other girls. Kelly, with her faultless makeup and wonderful daughter and classy dresses and perfect feminity. One end of the scale. Daniel, the other. Barely even considered "a girl." Always one of the boys, only woman in f1 for a reason.
"Thanks," Daniel says. She wants to make it sound humorous, like she's in on the joke too. Instead, it's too cold; muttered as if she actually gave two shits about the conversation anyway. She has an F1 season to prepare for, she's too busy to care about stupid shit like this.
There's a beat of silence as Daniel stretches out the rope, feeling the plastic flex and give. Then, Max exhaling, the gentle bump of his weights against the floor, the workout bench shifting as his centre of gravity changes. Daniel keeps her back to him, ignoring it all.
"I did not mean it as insult," Max finally says, stubborn. Daniel forces a laugh, turning to give him a smile, all teeth.
"Of course not Maxy. I get that." Voice light and blithe. One of the boys.
She thinks he'll drop it, but instead, his frown only grows. Pinched brows, thin lips, cheeks growing blotchy. Blue eyes regard her, intense and unyielding. She burns from the inside out.
"I've upset you," he says, in that blunt, genuine way only he can do. Daniel barks out another laugh.
"Don't be stupid. You're not important enough to ever be able to get under my skin." She gives him another smile with only teeth. She feels insane. Her mother tells her good girls stay quiet.
"I'm sorry," he tries again, growing frustrated now, "I did not mean -"
"I told you, you didn't upset me," she drops the skipping rope without actually using it. "Anyway, I'm bored. Wanna get lunch now? Or are you still trying to pump those muscle with more testosterone?"
Max gives her one last, searching look before standing. They're almost the same height. She wants to shrink to nothing.
"That is not how testosterone works, Daniel," he says with the air of an overworked teacher. He looks at her with a smile, uncertain but genuine. She laughs, allowing him to move the conversation on.
She walks out of the gym first but holds the door for him. He grins, relieved. His fingers skim hers as he takes it and she lets go. A chill runs through her. Cold like scales, cold like ice cream untouched.
Follow up here!
#whole lot of internalised misogyny to unpack here#in my head Daniel is looking like Tash Sultana in the music video for “Jungle”#Max just meaning :))) Kelly knows you and she knows me :))) and she knows we are both two good people who would not cheat :)))#while Daniel just going into an existential crisis of#:((( Kelly knows Max and I :((( and I am zero threat to her because I must be utterly undesirable :((( and not Max's type at all :(((#maxiel#girl!Daniel#for the first time ever lol#my fic#ending involves the tension between them growing and growing#and Kelly watches them share a podium and sees the way Max wraps his arm around Daniel's shoulder and hugs her tightly#and the way Daniel laughs so happily and loudly everyone can hear her#and suddenly Kelly realises she had been wrong and Daniel was a threat#and basically gives Max an ultimate to choose one of them and stop all contact with the other#somehow Daniel finds out and just locks herself away from the world during summer break because it's not even a question who max will pick#and their story ends with Max knocking on her door with looking annoyed with a bunch of drooping flowers#and before Daniel can even say anything he's stepping into her apartment and getting a vase from her cupboard#while complaining about how he ordered the flowers that morning but the florist fucked up his order and of course the flourists in the#Netherlands are much better and soon he will take Daniel there and pick proper flowers like tulips for her#she stares at him in pure disbelief and then starts to laugh. and Max looks over and laughs too and they're still smiling when they kiss#:)))))#apologies but I'm a sucker for a soppy cliched ending lol
142 notes · View notes
candlecoo-sideb-art · 4 months
Text
42 notes · View notes
caffeiiine · 5 months
Text
it’s 2:30 am and i’m working on a fucking cosplay and it’s the most productive i’ve been tbh
11 notes · View notes
stormyoceans · 2 months
Note
what's the meaning when talay asked "are you asking me or yourself" in sunset orange
hello, anon!!!!
OKAY SO. to understand that particular line, we first need to understand what’s going on in puen’s and talay’s head in that particular moment. basically by episode 7, these two fools are pining after each other, but they’re both convinced that the other doesn’t feel the same way
puen has been flirting with talay non-stop since the very beginning and just upped his game after realizing he fell in love with talay at the beginning of episode 4, but he’s having a hard time understanding talay’s feelings: talay says stuff like “whatever happens, i’ll go through it with you” and “do you have any idea how long 12.960 minutes i waited for you felt like?” and “what i fear the most is that it [dying] happens to someone i care about. especially you”, but then he goes and pushes puen towards pang, refusing the idea of the two of them being portkeys. it feels like a rejection, but he’s not sure, because there are just too many mixed signals. even later, when it’s just the two of them around the fire and they’re having a Moment and talay closes his eyes, waiting to be kissed, puen is still NOT SURE, but he NEEDS to be, he NEEDS to have that final confirmation from talay, because the last time he was too forward (still in episode 4) he messed everything up and almost ruined their friendship, and so he asks talay: “this time, i can kiss you, can’t i?” except talay reads that in the wrong way
talay has been very confused about his own feelings for puen, and only between episode 6 and episode 7 he finally comes to realize that he has fallen in love with him. however, despite all of puen’s flirting, talay is pretty much convinced that puen does not feel the same, for a lot of different reasons: 1) he thinks portkeys = soulmates = meant to be together, and since he no longer believes he and puen are portkeys (“if you were, we’d be back by now”), he doesn’t think his feelings are reciprocated; 2) when he pushes puen towards pang, puen goes; 3) from talay’s point of view, puen flirting with him in episode 4 was just puen messing with him. even after clearing up their misunderstanding, every time puen flirts with him talay believes puen is just teasing him, but part of him is also (understandably) confused. when talay closes his eyes around the camp fire, waiting for puen to kiss him, in talay’s head that turns out to be a sort of test. it’s like he’s thinking ‘if he kisses me, then he’s actually serious’, because if he were, why wouldn’t puen take that chance, when talay is basically offering himself to him? well, we know why puen wouldn’t, but talay obviously doesn’t. so when puen not only does not kiss him, but also asks him that question, talay reads that as a rejection. when he says “are you asking me or yourself (if you can kiss me)”, it’s like he’s saying “are you asking me because you don’t know how i feel (even if i was just here with my eyes closed literally waiting for you to kiss me), or are you asking yourself because you don’t actually feel the same as me?”, and then he doesn’t wait for an answer because he thinks he already knows it (which is why the end of episode 7 is so important, because that's talay realizing that yeah, puen actually feels the same)
SO YEAH BASICALLY THEY'RE BOTH IDIOTS (AFFECTIONATE)
7 notes · View notes
doodlerduck · 10 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Lil something I drew for rinhime week!! Sharing a bed is nice when your both late wakers 👍
36 notes · View notes
cursezoroark · 22 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
if anyone asks them, it was a spur of the moment thing.
better resolution of first pic below:
Tumblr media
6 notes · View notes
radio-sepia · 3 months
Text
god my current theatre classes at the local centre turned out to be kind of a bummer. I cannot back out now since I have a role but I'd really want to... fortunately in less than few months it should be done
5 notes · View notes
gxlden-angels · 1 year
Text
One of these days I will write about the nuances of The Black Church and how it acted both as a force for good; providing food, shelter, and community to those in need from slavery onward, and as a force for destruction, actively treating drug addicts and LGBT people as diseases and cutting them off from that sanctuary. I should do it at my most powerful (Now during BHM) but alas.....
#I recently attended a conference#and one of the presentations I went to was about Ballroom Culture and History#the presenter compared it to being in a black church#and of course not all churches are the same even with groups#but when I say 'The Black Church' I usually mean the southern baptist/methodist combination that emphasizes freedom. emotionalism and praise#There's a big focus on being freed from slavery both literally and metaphorically (from sin)#Youve probably seen those videos of praise breaks with ppl screaming crying frowing up and falling on the floor#That type of church#It seems silly as an outsider but it's all about connection#In Ballrooms they danced. they performed. they loved#In church they danced. they performed. they loved.#After the church comes together and feeds everyone#If someone is sick the whole church nurses them and prays#Ballroom was a place for queer folk to gather. Black people gathered at church. It wasn't entirely safe but it was something#But then things happened#Black churches kick out addicts and sex workers and queer folk#And during the AIDS epidemic#and war on drugs started#Cis gay men turned on the trans women that built those Ballrooms#They decided they didn't want their spaces pulled down#They decided this was the only way to rise. By stepping on others#And as the communities grew they changed#Of course these community churches and Houses still exist#People are still there supporting each other#But Madonna 'invented' vogue and Ru Paul partakes in fracking#But Creflo Dollar owns a private jet#This was probably a rambling mess but I hope you get it#I also lost my ipad on the other side of the country so I'm a bit too upset to organize my thoughts better rn#ex christian#religious trauma
26 notes · View notes
01tsubomi · 10 months
Text
i'm taking the jlpt this sunday and had a stress dream last night abt it bc it sort of snuck up on me and now it's kind of a question of how much my actual japanese abilities will carry me (versus if i should've been cramming on flashcards this past month) but the listening portion is far simpler conversation than my coworkers and i have so. i think that maybe instead of "damn i should've been studying japanese" my perspective should just be "i speak japanese"
#a key part of the dream though was that i failed because i went on a motorcycle joyride during the 40 minute break and didn't make it back#in time for the listening section. the prompt for the listening section btw was to write an essay in english about kirishima eijirou#so i was like damn i would've totally passed#anyway hashtag classic maya but idk#i think i have a bit of a complex abt it bc i was studying for n1 (highest level) in college#but w the switch to online learning we stopped studying the stuff i really needed to work on (vocab and kanji)#and whatever kanji i knew how to write went out the window bc i never had to turn in written homework again#so i really let myself go there for a good two years but since moving last summer i've not only been having japanese conversations every da#i've also actually been studying kanji in my downtime at work#so i have picked up most of the study guide-type information just really slowly over time#i read a ton of manga in japanese lately and most shows on netflix here don't have eng subtitles but i'm fine without them 95% of the time#with the genre of shows i watch at least#so i've been thinking a lot lately abt what my end goal is w japanese studies because 'be able to consume all the art i want' feels like#a good place to be#i do think in the end the only thing between me and n1 is a lot of genuine hard work studying vocab and kanji and reading serious articles#so i feel like all 'sekkaku da shi' i've made it this far why would i just stop working at this point#those are just my thoughts though aaaa i know reading/vocab/grammar section is way more hit or miss#personal
12 notes · View notes
justaboutsnapped · 2 months
Text
indesign is the devil's creation
3 notes · View notes
akkivee · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
kuukou smells like incense
kuukou’s the type of guy to dump a whole bag of chips into his mouth (human dumpster)
cats around the temple like to feed kuukou
kuukou likes to nap in sunny niches in his temple
kuukou—
24 notes · View notes
theygender · 9 months
Text
*checking the tracking information for my package from under a pile of overpriced teas and vitamins* this next herbal supplement will fix me
#g o d what is up with my brain thats been making everything so hard recently#like. im in a job that im MUCH happier with now and loving it. im no longer living a waking trauma nightmare as a call center sup#...why is my brain acting like im forcing it on a trek through fucking mordor just trying to get through a normal day at work#im on break from school. why am i not able to do any of the things that i wanted to do during the semester but was too busy for#why am i not able to do anything that i want to do and if i DO manage to do it why am i not able to enjoy it#why am i living like every moment of my life in fear that im wasting my time or doing something wrong or not good enough#and like i KNOW the answers are adhd and depression and anxiety#but my buddy. my pal. @ the wrinkly fleshy thing in my skull#im on 6 different psychiatric medications with a total of up to 11 individual pills per day. im actively in therapy and have been for years#and my life is currently much better than it maybe has ever been! WHY am i still struggling so hard 😭#like i know recovery isnt a straight line and etc etc but like. it just feels like im doing everything im 'supposed' to do so what gives#so. gonna start drinking more plants i guess and see if that helps. im already on some that seem to help but i think i need more now#bc im having a bad time in my brain prison tbh :(#im not even like upset typing all this out either im just like. bewildered. incredulous. exhausted#lets hope this new overpriced tea fixes me i guess#rambling
7 notes · View notes