Tw: Grooming

Why do we still care what LilyOrchard says? She's a groomer.

The reason why she keeps posting these Steven Universe videos are made to keep her community loyal and close so she could groom them on a parasocial level and on a personal level. Maybe the videos are stupid, but who cares about the contents of them? They're a device to attract minors.

(Exposes on Lily's predatory behavior).

My responses to Dream’s defenders might be crude, but I’m only gonna put in as much effort talking to them as they do talking to me.

I really doubt any of them are gonna have a “come to Jesus” moment any time soon considering how low they’re willing to bend to make excuses for a racist predator

(I feel like even if he’s caught without a shadow of a doubt and gets sent to literal prison- his stans will still make excuses for him)

Kinda had this thought occasionally about being online as an adult artist and creator: on parasocial behavior and inappropriate conduct

Long post, putting it under a read more

Reflecting on a few past events online where some adult creators behaved inappropriately around minors and younger adults, I just have this thought about how some adults feel so comfortable having an audience of any type that makes them feel okay to befriend, or worse, develop an interest in pursuing a relationship with someone vastly younger than them.

I believe it is not okay for adults to befriend minors for any reason. Like, full stop, it's not okay. Or having easy avenues for minors to contact them via dms or other private means.

And I understand that some younger people see online spaces as an escape, using online communities to find a space that's safe for them and all. There's a post about how some adults online can help minors find a safe space in fandoms or communities, but idk, I think not all of us have the best interests in mind for minors.

I just reminded myself of a recent thing where a former OSC Youtuber was called out for joking around about nsfw content with a minor friend. It's obviously bad behavior, but like why did you do that??? Why that was even a thought in that person's head that it was okay to do?? Get adult friends, please??? (not to mention the YTer's video topics and thumbnails were also inappropriate, too, and had no warnings or disclaimers)

And three former mutuals I had long ago did bad shit as well (one of them lying about their age while underaged, you-know-you-know. And the other had no transparency about how they handled their Objectshow project, having no separation between of their private 18+ art and their project. Third mutual, I tried seeing things from their side of the story, but what happened was still bad no matter what). No boundaries or anything, just absolutely weird bad inappropriate behavior.

And so when I think about this, I'm like "By my age and experience alone, as an adult, I am capable of doing great harm to the youngest members of my following/community/mutuals, etc. Holy shit, I should not treat them like buddy-buddy as though they are my adult friends. They are not. They are kids or teens and having some kind of boundary between myself and them to protect them is better than nothing. Their safety is more important than me gaining loyal fans."

Anyway, that's why in the top FAQ section of my carrd and my Interactions and Boundaries list while I welcome minor followers, I do not want private dms, I'm transparent on my project and its target audience, and how I go about online. I'm open to critique and change (yo, please let me know if I did something wrong or crossed a boundary. Do not put me on a pedestal). I had my own setbacks and I hold myself accountable for them, but I know not to mess with minors.

~hmmmmmm~

There's also my other concern about parasocial relationships and how easy for both minors and adults at any age can get sucked into one. And while a part of it is uncontrollable and unavoidable -- just by reading this post, you are engaging with me in this matter -- there is a part of it that is controllable:

How do you (the creator, artist, etc.) treat your audience? How do you engage with them on any platform? Do you treat them as family, or as friends (like a thousand friends)? Or do you treat them just as an audience, acknowledging them as their own people who want to support you? Do you have minor followers/mutuals and do you respect them, especially as an adult? Do you try to contact them anyway or do you have restrictions on how you communicate to them and vice versa?

Note: I think it's okay to follow and support minor artists and creators as long as you respect them. I'm not saying you should unfollow them. What I'm saying is, do you respect them and their boundaries? Do you have minor friends? If so, do you respect them? (There are young people who become 18 and their friends might be 17 or so. I'm more concerned about 20 or 30+ year old people being friends with underaged people.)

Also, The same for adults, too. Yeah, adults can be fine with inappropriate jokes or whatever, but that does not mean you can do whatever you want with them. Do you respect your adult friends' and mutuals' boundaries? Do you try to settle things respectfully or just use any mistake or flaw for clout?

Also sometimes fans can get weird towards the creators they like. Do you treat your favs as people or as an ideal? Do you hold them accountable or do you ignore their mistakes - even serious shit that harmed people? Even if they are good people, do you hold them accountable still? Do you have extremely high or low expectations of them? Do you hold them up to an ideal so impossible that it becomes concerning and could put them in danger? (stalking, monitoring them, pursuing them for a relationship they clearly do not want?)

While writing all this, I'm reviewing my past behaviors, too, some of which did pop up more on having trouble separating myself from the people I follow and like. Something I need to work on now that I'm aware of it.

But yeah, just want to put this out there cause I seriously think a lot of people (heck mainly adults) need to seriously think about how they go about things online.

Sorry for typos. I started writing this just when I woke up this morning.

This is a PSA: If you have been accused of being nasty, you aren't allowed to victim blame people who's situations who are none of your damn business. (Better to not do it at all, but it seems ya'll just can't help yourselves). Anyway, if you are attacking a victim of abuse, your wiki page better not look like this. :/

"Ahaha! You can't even compare to me! Not even one bit!? Ahahaha!! how pathetic!"

TOUMA KADOKWA, Alluring Enigma

Twisted from TOMIE KAWAKAMI

[ The pages beckon you to take a peek. ]

[TW FOR BACKSTORY: implied SA & grooming; Please avoid reading the first page]

[-] VOICE CLAIM [-]

Haha nothing... for now.

[-] CONFUFFLE CLEARUP [-]

What's he like to others? - Touma is a social butterfly, not hesitating to reach out to those who he deems interesting. Though, his high sense of self makes it hard to properly connect with others. The most you can get with him is a parasocial relationship.

How far does his UM go? - Any severed parts of him can regenerate into a clone of him, but the regen time varies on the parts' size. The smaller it is, the longer it'll take!

Is he single? - ...Yes, but please don't try your luck. He will play with your heart for sure.

He's good with skincare?? - You gotta maintain your appearance somehow! And that's with a daily 50-step skincare routine! He puts Pomefiore's routine into shame >:))

How would his OB work? - Touma isn't necessarily capable of overblotting so easily. Whenever he's on the brink of overblotting, his body would force all the blot into a "separate" version of himself. It'll rapidly create a clone from his head, which'll eventually fall off from the main body. Note that this process is extremely painful for him.

[-] GALLERY [-]

Little headshot doodles for extra reference

Full body illust: N/A ATM

TW: MENTIONS OF SA; GROOMING. PLEASE SCROLL IF THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.

I wanted to share my takes on the Pod Meets World ep and the new Quiet on Set documentary that is out. This is going to be a long-winded blog post. I'll put a keep reading divider up so that no one will be bombarded while scrolling through their dash. I'd like to have a civil, adult conversation about this so if you decide to join in, please keep it mature.

In light of recent events with the whole Pod Meets World episode and the Quiet on the Set documentary coming out, it really opened my eyes more. I think a lot of fans have parasocial relationships with these stars, holding them on a pedestal, and forgetting that they are still real human beings who are prone to doing shitty human things. This is a reminder for me too. This is something I definitely need to break out of. And I'm mentioning this because it really did hurt to hear Drake Bell's story and how he really didn't get an apology. If what he said was true about Will and Rider only coming out with their episode after being notified about the documentary, then they deserve all the heat that they get. At first, I commended them for telling their stories on that creep Brian Peck and discussing their feelings during the court case. But now it seems disingenuous. I haven't gotten to watch the documentary aside from tidbits because I don't have a streaming service that I could watch it on, unless it comes on cable. And I haven't gotten to see the full Pod Meets World episode apart from the clips of Will talking so I plan on catching up and educating myself as much as I can. The guys apparently weren't told what was going on in the case and were blindsided by this. In no way am I doubting that they were groomed as well. But Drake mentioned that they were told everything by Peck before they wrote the letters and still decided to write them. That's insane in itself. As a CSA survivor and someone who was groomed and sexually harassed by an older "friend", it was disheartening to hear that my favorite actors were pretty much complicit and trying to save themselves when they realized their dirty work was being unsealed. And I didn't want to believe it when I read more on the info last night but it served me a reminder that these were real people outside of the characters. Obviously I know that, but Boy Meets World is one of my comfort shows and obsessions so it hurt to hear that. Although I enjoy the characters, I have to keep reminding myself not to get attached to the actors and actresses who play them. I brought the parasocial relationship thing up because that's what it felt like was radiating from the BMW reddit forum as well. Some of the people there were up in arms to defend them, saying "It was a different time period. They were told that Drake was coming on to Peck." DOES THAT NOT SOUND INSANE?? I’m pretty sure that they were told Drake was underaged, I can't remember too much from the podcast clips. If they knew, how did they not question it more before coming to court and writing the letters?? Not to mention that other people were reached out to write a letter for Brian and many declined. Were they already told about the case?? Were they only given small details just like Will and Rider?? My guess is that they already sensed how weird Peck was and got a bad feeling from his request. I would've thought that Will and Rider would have more common sense in something like this. But again, I don't know these people personally. None of their fans do.

And I will repeat once again, I'm not invalidating the guys' experience with Peck either. I wouldn't put it past Hollywood that the cast of BMW were all groomed and violated when they were younger too. The adults could've even been violated just as easily as well. From the clips that I've seen of Will talking about Peck, he seemed very genuine and remorseful. I’m sure that they were regretful. It's just that after hearing what Drake said about them not apologizing and them making the episode after the doc announcement, it feels off. Will admitted that he would like to apologize to Drake personally and Drake apparently isn't interested in an apology. Who can blame him? Would I accept an apology from anyone who stood up for my abuser? I don't think so. And Will had time to reach out to Drake before. Was it embarrassment that stopped him? And Brian could’ve very well lied to them. My own groomer is still walking around lying and gaining support from others.

The best research I could do was from forums, comment sections, and small clips, so please bear with me. I will educate myself more on the matter. But I felt the pain of every child actor that was affected because it reminded me of my own experiences and I'm upset with this new knowledge. We, of course, know what Drake was convicted of. I'm not mentioning that to take away from his trauma nor side with what he's done. But I've seen some people bring up this point at the mention of his experience with Brian Peck, invalidating him being sexually assaulted by this man. Firstly, I think that's absurd. We can still feel sympathy for Drake even if he isn't a good person.

The fact that Dan Schneider and Brian Peck are able to walk free TO THIS FUCKING DAY MAKES ME SICK!!! How the fuck was Peck only given 16 months in jail?????? They would've both been a bag of fucking bones by now underneath the cement of the jail if they hurt my kid. My next question is, what do we do about the child stars who are apart of these companies now? The ones who are still getting deals with Disney and Nickelodeon?? Just because Schneider and Peck were called out doesn't mean that ALL of the pedos under these companies are gone. All of the children affected deserve justice.

Dream, Abuse & Parasocial Relationships

TW: Abuse, Grooming, the lot

Last week, in the wake of his face reveal on stream, the YouTuber Dream was accused of grooming, igniting vicious and intense debates across the internet. This essay seeks to expose Dream's common manipulative tactics and techniques he uses to control his audience.

It is important to recognise that grooming is not exclusive to age dynamics, but also power dynamics. Many in positions of power use said power to manipulate and control those who they groom. For example, Bill Clinton grooming Monica Lewinsky. Sure, Lewinsky was not underage, but it still counts as grooming because of the power dynamic. The president of the United States against a lowly intern? There's absolutely a power dynamic there.

Timeline of Events

We start in 2020, September 23rd. Amanduh DMs Dream on Instagram, telling him she enjoys his content, not expecting anything in return. However, Dream replies. This begins their first correspondence until the beginning of 2021, when Amanduh gets a boyfriend and stops talking to Dream. Through 2021, Amanduh does not communicate with Dream (as far as we know).

January 17th, 2022, and Amanduh and Dream are talking again. Dream gives her his Snapchat. From the 17th of January to the 17th of next month, this is where the alleged sexting took place, all the way to her 18th birthday. From April onwards, Amanduh has a new boyfriend.

Then, October 15th, D-Day. Amanduh releases a public video on TikTok exposing Dream for grooming her, showing inappropriate Snapchat texts as well as saying that he sent her inappropriate pictures. This is immediately met by a shitstorm of discussion, hate and support from all sides of the internet. The hashtag #dreamisafreak begins trending on Twitter. Later that day, Dream posts his response, essentially claiming she put her age as 18, that this all happened because Amanduh has a parasocial relationship with him.

Since then, Amanduh has announced she will be stepping away from Twitter to take legal action against Dream. Dream, meanwhile, has posted 2 things of importance. Firstly, he posted a series of funny texts about his cat with his friends on his private account. Secondly, he posted a video with Technoblade's father, which was him "trying to help Techno's family".

Defense Mechanisms

In the wake of Dream's speedrun cheating scandal, Dream hired an astrophysicist to disprove claims that he cheated in order to obtain his place on the leaderboard. Turns out, he lied. The whole time, he knew he cheated, and yet he hired an astrophysicist, had a debate with speedrun mods, caused said speedrun mods to receive an excessive amount of hate from toxic fans, and washed it all away with a 'sorry'. The next month, he was back to posting videos like nothing had happened, and has yet to address the scandal since.

Yet, whenever the speedrun scandal is brought up, defenders of Dream seem to turn a blind eye. This follows behavioural patterns with several victims of manipulation, where victims will automatically defend abusers/manipulators because they develop hero worship complexes towards them, and in their minds, making it impossible to even comprehend that said abuser could ever do wrong. This is exactly what Dream has done, by carefully curating his image as a relatable, cutesy, and most important of all, a safe space.

Of course, influencers are safe spaces for anyone going through internal or mental conflicts. They allow them to get away from the real world and connect with another person that they might not even know. This is unavoidable, and there isn't much of a problem with this. The problems start when influencers who now have influence over large groups of people use said influence to deflect criticism, or denounce it and influence their followers to denounce said criticism as well. Because people are more inclined to follow and believe others who they "know better", this cultivates easy preying grounds. These are commonly known as parasocial relationships.

See, because Dream's followers were convinced he could do no wrong, they attacked anyone for saying otherwise. Moderators, YouTubers, anyone who uttered a word of dissent against Dream was engaged in fierce arguments with his followers. They accused the head mod, Geospace of faking numbers, of being a pedophile (rather ironic), of clout chasing, etc. So, when Dream turned out to be lying, you'd expect his fans to turn on him, right? Nope, instead, they posted messages of support, because once again, he can do no wrong. If he apologises, surely that means he's sincere and it will never happen again?

On the 15th of October, it happened again.

We know the story. Let's skip to the horrific, hateful messages instead.

"thank god, never comeback again. i hope the next time i heard about you is you end up in the prison"

"Cough cough clout chaser cough cough"

"leave social media forever now. and never come back, ty"

"You Girl! Amanda.... You're such a Liar! And think about what is right and wrong because you are a STORYTELLER!!!!!! And I know Dream really is. And you have to put this on your mind! Don't try to say BAD WORDS to you...."'

Well, it sure looks like Dream didn't even have to defend himself. It's always believe the victim until its your favourite white boy YouTuber, huh? Most of these responses can be found under Amanduh's tweets. I don't really want to even get into these, they're just so full of vitriolic hate against someone, victim or not. I'm not here to discuss whether Dream actually did send inappropriate pictures to Amanduh.

But, what interests me is how Dream fans react. The parallels between these messages, accusing her of lying and clout chasing, and the accusations levied at Geospace are scarily similar. Remember, abuse follows patterns. Keep that in mind. Moreover, Dream recently did two things that garnered him more support, at least amongst his fans.

First, he posted that funny chain of messages about his cat. Everyone can relate to cats doing stupid shit, right? Right after a controversy, he pretends like nothing happened and tries to get his fans back on his side. Manipulation 101.

Second, he posted a video with Technoblade's dad, just talking with him. This video was likely filmed weeks in advance, so maybe this wasn't part of any scheme, but what's concerning is that it's only been 4 days since the scandal, and now if you search up Dream on twitter, all you get are tweets about the video, and not the accusations.

Manipulation can take on various forms, but what's most important, and the bottom line is that Dream's tactics of manipulation can be clearly seen each and every time he has a controversy. And it's not about whether the accusations are true or not, what matters equally is that Dream has used his large following as a defensive moat, as well as conveniently-timed social media posts to distract fans. If you consider yourself in any way, shape or form, a Dream fan, I beg you to sit down and really think and evaluate your priorities.

These are the posts of some fans following the accusations. Plain and simple, these display a parasocial breakup. The negative effects of parasocial relationships are everywhere, all around us. Some have tied their whole identities to people who they don't really know, and who don't know they exist.

When these people turn out to be really, really horrible, what happens? We've created a world that is so terrible to live in that we slink away to the depths of the internet to connect with strangers across the world who don't know we exist, to rely on these strangers for emotional support. When that pillow is yanked away, what's left?

Anyway, I'm really tired. Please, believe the victims, be kind to one another. Goodnight.

? (Tw grooming)

I hope that this is an okay question to ask because Google isnt helping me find the definition to a term. What is parasocial grooming? Someone I know said it and told me its when someone grooms someone parasocially but I still dont get what it means? Is it a thing or is this person I know just saying stuff? I know grooming is a sexually abusive thing so I figured it would be okay to ask here.

hello,

This is a perfectly fine place to ask this. We talk about grooming here as it's very common in instances of childhood sexual abuse, and sexual abuse in general. So I'm happy to answer.

I've not read a great deal of research specifically on the topic of grooming via social media personalities. But I think some of what I've read of large group grooming in situations like diffuse cults could apply. As well as what I've read on how cult-like groups have formed over the internet.

So it is known that the normalisation of abusive behaviour can be taught to people via things like videos, comics, lessons and other mass communication. Many diffuse cultic groups have utilized this. Like the children of god and institute for basic life principles (in counter ways hypersexualization and severe shaming). When grooming is done this way it teaches a population of people, often young people, is systematically taught and shown that abusive behaviour is normal, holy, politically correct or inevitable.

Other factors like the general way parasocial relationships make people feel like this person cares about them, is always correct, is religious or politically more sophisticated and other dynamics that make the famous person seem infallible.

The ability to use propagandistic techniques and play on implicit trust can function similarly to how grooming works on an interpersonal level. These people often use this mass grooming effector to find their personal victims or sometimes as a more ideological crusade.

This is not exactly the same as interpersonal grooming that leads to one-on-one or small group experiences of sexual abuse. As it doesn't always progress as far as other grooming situations. But i do think it can be damaging psychologically.

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

TW: Mentions of Grooming/Pedophilia, Sexual Predation, Suicide, use of an abuser's name, etc...

I know I have not been on Tumblr as a Genshin fan artist for long, nor do I even really have a following, but I want to go on the record of how appalled I am by Tighnari's former ENG VA's, Elliot Gindi's, actions. Tighnari was one of my favorite characters in Genshin. (I know how to separate character from actor so Tighnari technically still is my favorite character but he will be benched until they rectify his casting. This is beside the point). I am going to go at length about why Gindi's actions are inexcusable. Be warned my words may be graphic.

One of the biggest parts of Tighnari that appealed to me in the first place was his personality and by extension, the life to the character that Gindi was able to bring forth with his lines. But as a voice actor, of course he would know how to act. Many, including myself, fell for his awkward and goofy persona he wanted us to believe. And so the news left me feeling betrayed, shaking with rage and feeling like I was about to vomit - it physically hurt. If that was my reaction as a regular fan, I cant even begin to fathom the pain that the victims felt and are undoubtedly still feeling. I have the upmost respect for those who came forward despite the painful memories that would resurface, the victim blaming they could face, and also his moderators that helped make it public despite the risks, having been so close to that monster.

As a content creator, you have to set boundaries between you and your fans. There will be fans who form strong attachments to you and it is your responsibility to stop these parasocial relationship from happening. Not actively feed into them and using them to your advantage to gain sexual favors from fans, especially underage ones. Gindi broke all of these rules for his own personal gain just because he was "horny". Taking advantage of someone's naivety and claiming friendship in order to make them trust you just to take advantage of them is grooming, regardless of if they are underage of not. It applies to really young adults too. Whether he knew someone was a minor or not (which I do not believe, he definitely knew), he's still a groomer because he knew they were young regardless and used that to his advantage. His apologies and claims that he thought he was being "safe and consensual" mean nothing. The screenshots prove that what he knew what he was doing was wrong and yet he continued anyway out of personal greed because he was on a power trip: plain and simple.

And as this world continues to grow harder to live in, depression and suicidal ideations have never been higher. We don't need people like Gindi who will use threats of suicide to manipulate his victims into staying and suffering at his hand even longer. Not to get too personal, but a relative's friend committed suicide at the start of the year. IT. RUINED. THEM. I've seen how suicide affects those who are close to those who commit it. To use suicide as an ultimatum to continue abusing victims is FUCKED UP beyond belief. You "didn't think through the severity of that"? I call bullshit. Gindi knew what he was doing to to ensure maximum mental anguish to ensure he got want he wanted.

This post is already really long so I will wrap it up. This man is a grooming egocentric manipulator. He's not sorry for anything other than that he was caught. He should be in jail and away from the public so he can never hurt anyone again. I hope that hole in his wall swallows him up and sends him to hell to burn for what he's done. If you still support him after what he has done DNI. If you try to defend him, I will block you. I will not play games with anyone who wants to excuse or support the depraved crimes he has committed.

quiet post just bc i saw some Discourse on my dash and felt like putting in my opinion but not bothering the ops.

tw: abuse / child abuse / rape / cnc / grooming

OK SO first off was an anon sending an artist a link to an article about why ahegao (that tounge out, cross eyed sex face) was "problematic"

i fucking hate the term problematic and internet cancel culture as a whole. that's pretty much this entire post.

yes, i admit i am a white person inserting themselves into a conversation about the abuse asian people receive. this Isn't My Place. whatever.

the article quoted some twitter posts by asian people sharing their stories of the abuse they received specifically regarding ahegao but also racist stereotypes as a whole. i'm not trying to downplay the fact that these people were abused/groomed/etc by racists. shit like that happens. it sucks. ahegao originated from a child rape fantasy manga from the 80s. these stereotypes do exist, and it does contribute to some racist abuse. but overall i don't think it's that big of a deal

it feels like the same conversation people have regarding ~problematic~ topics in fiction, ie: rape/cnc, pedophilia, incest, murder, etc. just because someone is into a fictional incestuous ship does not mean they endorse that in real life! just because someone reads a detective novel does not mean they want to go out and murder someone! it's all fantasy. yes, there may be some people out there who take this fiction and attempt to normalize it, there are people out there who take hentai too far and beat women over it. it's a shitty situation! racists and abusers should be stopped!

idk i cant think of a good closing statement now but tldr: ahegao face being declared "problematic" and thus banned from the internet is stupid

next thing is a small comment re: the fandom shit that blew up in the arcane (lol show) section of the internet

jason spisak (va for one of the main characters that a great many people (myself included) simp for) posted a (poor) cosplay of himself in character. somewhere in the tornado that followed, it apparently came out that he is currently dating a 22 year old fan, while he himself is in his 50s. he has subsequently been "canceled" because of this

my take: so fucking what! they're both consenting adults (technically, before anyone comes at me with the 25 brain thing) and also, people griping about "not pandering to people who have a parasocial relationship" how bout you stay out of his fucking business? who gives a shit who he is or isnt dating. its the damn nerd equivalent of people screaming about the kardashians. just stfu

(tbh i havent actually seen a whole lot of this discorse, i just got whiffs of it when it broke but it has also been bugging me)

hi, you briefly mentioned internet safety in your post and now i'm here and i'm ranting lmao

not to get all "kids these days" when i am literally a minor (tbf i'm almost 18), but kids these days really do not have a good grasp on internet safety. like i know that online friends are real friends and not everyone on the internet is out to get you, but people are way too fast to share personal information with strangers on the internet! i have online friends who i'd trust with my life, but that's only after knowing them for years and consistently talking with each other so we could gain that trust. you don't just show your whole face to someone you met last week??

not that i'm a beacon of internet safety, i've definitely made bad decisions with my personal info in the past, but i was a kid and i didn't know any better and that's why kids need to be 13 and/or have a parent's permission for shit online. they're kids. they don't know any better. the internet can be a wonderful place where you can make great friends, but it can also be scary and unsafe, so even though most people online aren't going to be creepy, you have to be careful in case someone is. when you're a kid you don't always understand that, and that's okay! but that's why i always appreciate it when actual adults online remind people to be safe with their information, because when someone online tells you to be safe online, you're more likely to listen.

so thanks for making that post lol /gen (: as funny as the copypasta is, it's right! this is how dangerous parasocial relationships can form-

^^^^^^

everything you said!!!

even when i was 17 i was doing stupid shit like sharing my address with people in a server i was in because i thought we were close. thank god nothing bad ever came of it, i am so, so incredibly lucky, but looking back, we barely knew each other! that is one of the stupidest things i have done in my life. and its because its really easy to let your guard down when you think people are trustworthy despite knowing them for a short time.

i think theres also a level of being unsafe on the internet because its a way to rebel and its a way to feel cool, which is so dangerous. please go back to dying your hair purple as an act of rebellion.

no problem, i could talk about this shit all day lol

what did arl*s do? /gen

groomed minors :/

I'm glad you removed them! I was gonna say something but I really didn't know how you were gonna react!

(info: this ask is about a previous post of mine where I mentioned that I removed NSP songs from a playlist of mine)

Just as a note for the future - I have strong personal feelings about folks who exploit their status & harm others.

Some people are able to still enjoy the artist’s work while leaving the fact that that actual person behind it is harmful over there - but I am not one of those folks. Especially not in cases like this one.

While I am aware that the money they get from Spotify streams is minuscule, I simply do not want to support them through that passively, just because a song of theirs fits in a character playlist I made.

to the person in chat telling dream to stop grooming children yes i agree us cheering him on buildmart is very parasocial yes

I find it hilarious how I was reading through your discussion with anon’s on EndHawks which I agree with, I don’t like the ship and find it weird personally. But then I go to Twitter and this is the first thing that pops up 😂

https://twitter.com/snakedabi/status/1436317214760710177?s=21

“Cheygo’s first choice as a free man was to follow E..” and when exactly was that? When he lost his father thanks to E and his mom sold him to the HPSC? Or when the HPSC was brought down so he tried to cling on the system which has controlled him all his life?

And the age gap is not even the problem, it is just the disparity of a dynamic which makes it uncomfortable for others to listen to shippers discourse ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU KNOW THAT HOX WAS A FUCKING CHILD WHEN HE STARTED ADMIRING E. That plushie needs to burn. And yes, it is hilarious but also depicts exactly why people find it so uncomfortable and why TW for people here is just Satan’s den (no tags, no filters, nothing - and the fact that you fully know that Hox has been groomed and created a parasocial relationship with E, which he has never let go not because he was a free man, but because he needed something to hold on not to think about the fact that he was everything but.

Dream, Abuse & Parasocial Relationships - A Follow-up Post

TW: Grooming and heavy sexual themes.

I made a shorter, more concise post about this a few weeks back, though it focuses more on the consequences of parasocial relationships and was not about whether Dream sent inappropriate photos to a minor (though he totally did and I’ll prove it in a bit). I also referred heavily to this brilliant compilation of arguments by roxunlocked, and this google document.

Definitions

Online grooming – Online grooming is when someone uses the internet to trick, force or pressure a young person into doing something sexual - like sending a nude video or image of themselves. Someone who's grooming others online will sometimes build their trust before talking about doing anything sexual. Online grooming is a term used broadly to describe the tactics abusers deploy through the internet to sexually exploit people. It can happen quickly or over time, but at its core it’s a process of exploiting trust to shift expectations of what safe behaviour is and leveraging fear and shame to keep a person silent. Furthermore, they can also rely on power dynamics and not just age. 

The Timeline

The Grooming (unconfirmed, we do not know for sure if most of this happened)

We start in 2020, September 23rd. Amanduh (aLynn_mc1), then 16, DMs Dream on Instagram, telling him she enjoys his content, not expecting anything in return. However, Dream replies (this he confirmed). This begins their first correspondence until the beginning of 2021, when Amanduh gets a boyfriend and stops talking to Dream. Through 2021, Amanduh does not communicate with Dream directly, though she does reply to him a few times.

January 17th, 2022, she’s 17, and Amanduh and Dream are talking again. Dream gives her his Snapchat. From the 17th of January to the 17th of next month, this is where the alleged sexting (image 4) took place, including the thing that Dream blocks her for. And this occurs all the way to her 18th birthday. From April onwards, Amanduh has a new boyfriend.

The Facts™ (is just a timeline of events)

Then, October 15th, D-Day. Amanda comes out with this tweet about Dream grooming her. She also posted some TikToks about the situation, but they were deleted. Amanduh also releases a public video on TikTok exposing Dream for grooming her, showing inappropriate Snapchat texts as well as saying that he sent her inappropriate pictures. 

This is immediately met by a shitstorm of discussion, hate and support from all sides of the internet. The hashtag #dreamisafreak begins trending on Twitter. Dream’s friends do not say a word on Twitter, despite it blowing up in the afternoon. Later that day, Dream posts his response, essentially claiming she put her age as 18, and that this all happened because Amanduh has a parasocial relationship with him and she’s trying to do it for attention.

Since then, Amanduh has announced she will be stepping away from Twitter to take legal action against Dream. Dream, meanwhile, has posted a few things of importance. Firstly, he posted a series of funny texts about his cat with his friends on his private account. Secondly, he posted a video with Technoblade's father, which was according to him “trying to help Techno's family”. Thirdly, he posted a photo of himself with a filter. 

Outside of Dream and Amanduh, BadBoyHalo, a YouTuber associated with Dream who plays on the DSMP and is a recurring hunter on Dream’s Minecraft Manhunt series, is accused of sexual assault on Twitter from an account that has since been deactivated, which is an obvious troll account, given that the account immediately apologised after he threatened legal action. His friends immediately come to his aid in defending him.

Rebuttals

1. On Grooming

One common argument used by those who support Dream is “she didn’t act like she was being groomed and still remained a fan”, and often point to her continuing to run a fan account there. The problem with this argument is that it lacks a basic understanding of how grooming works, how long people take to realise they are being groomed, and how power dynamics work in a relationship such as this.

How are you supposed to act like you’re being groomed? There’s no one, straightforward reaction. Moreover, the whole point of being groomed is that you have no idea that you’re being groomed, because if you found out the groomer can’t do anything anymore. They have no power over you because you know the truth behind their actions. By keeping you in the dark and letting you assume you’re talking to them because you want to have a friendship with them, the groomer essentially lures you in.

So, from Amanduh’s point of view, she just had her favourite content creator, whom she idolises, given the fact she ran a stan account, reply to her DM. The feeling of awe sets in, like ‘wow, I’m talking to this person that I’ve idolised for a very long time and who I feel like I’ve developed an understanding of already because I watch his videos, surely he doesn’t have any bad intentions’. Dream’s unique disposition of being an incredibly popular YouTuber means his work is cut out for him – his stans already have an idealised, sunshine and rainbows version of him in their heads. 

Because of this, manipulation and convincing someone becomes so much easier. They think this groomer is a pure soul, and has good intentions. And, when they want to pressure them into sending inappropriate photos, for example, the person thinks it’s not weird, it’s a privilege to be admired and liked by their favourite YouTuber. In the Snapchat DMs between him and Amanduh, he compliments her as gorgeous and praises her. Also, she even said that at the time she was proud of it.

Back to Amanduh’s point of view, she’s complimented by Dream for her looks, raising her self-esteem, and also setting up Dream even more in her head to be this kind person. And when Dream DMs her asking for inappropriate pictures, she’s 1. Already used to sending pictures to Dream, and she knows he’ll compliment her again, and 2. Wants to be praised by Dream because, and remember, she likes and idolises him. So she does. When she tells him that she is going to Orlando in August and it was suggested that we meet up and have sex, and he sends her incredibly inappropriate texts about sex toys that I’m not going to write down. 

And that’s the end of it. It’s unclear if she chooses to end the relationship or they just stop talking, but it stops. And yet, she still follows him. Why? Because she still likes him, likely. There’s no sign that she stops liking him all the way up until the point where she starts to question the things he said and did. Because there was no reason to stop liking him. She likely only realised after either telling her friends or thinking the situation over again. And it was shortly after this that she uploaded the TikTok, realising that for 2 years, she was groomed by the man she idolised and trusted.

2. On Faking DMs

Of course, a common argument is that the Snapchat DMs are fake or edited. Firstly, Dream already said that the Instagram DMs are real, which also means that the personal snapchat Dream provides her with is also real. If we’re assuming Dream is innocent, why would he have provided his private snapchat? Why did he consistently view her instagram story? We know at least everything on Instagram is absolutely true, thanks to Dream himself confirming it, after Amanduh made it impossible for him to deny them by taking an external video using another device of her scrolling up and down the Insta DMs and tapping on information. 

The 2 others (Anastasia and an anonymous user) who came forward in October saying they had talked with DMs on his private snapchat provided photos, and what d’ya know, they all have the same Bitmoji, the same nickname, the same everything. Okay, but maybe she copied them, or they’re all colluding somehow. 

Secondly, it is incredibly difficult to fake entire message logs. There are months worth of messages in the DMs, and for this argument to be even slightly plausible, Amanduh would’ve had to have either used a burner account / got a friend to exchange DMs over months with her and fabricate photos, or faked the entire sequence in some video editor. And she still would’ve had to fabricate the photos he sent her. 

3. On the Judiciary

Another common argument is ‘well why didn’t she go to the police?’, and the problem with this is 1. The police aren’t to be trusted. Amanduh lives in the US, which has a historically terrible police force, y’know police brutality and all. And there have been many cases where people have gone to the police with sexual harassment and cases like Amanduh’s, and were just turned away with little to no explanation, and 2. She likely didn’t know better. She’s still 18, you can’t attack her for not knowing how the world works very well, and you certainly can’t attack her for not realising that grooming was occurring earlier on. 

4. On Victimisation

People also began questioning why she wasn’t acting like a victim. Firstly, whoever says this clearly has a skewed version of what being a victim looks like. Trauma can come in all shapes and sizes, and the fact that she’s being defensive is absolutely fine, of course she’s being defensive, after all, she had the eyes of the entire fandom on her and was attacked by a significant part of it, just because it was their favourite YouTuber who she was speaking out against and they slaughtered her for it. There’s also some victims of grooming or sexual harassment who have said that Amanduh did not act like a victim in the same way they did, which 1. No one reacts in the exact same way to trauma, and Amanduh had to experience it through the lens of an entire fandom sending her hate. 

The most invasive fandom on Earth excluding Kpop stans against one girl who receives an amount of attention and hate that a hundred people combined would not attain in a lifetime. They scrutinised every word she ever said, every tweet she ever posted, every comment she ever made, looking for the tiniest detail just so they could go ‘Aha! You’re lying because in 2014, you said this on some obscure YouTube video!’ It’s been a horrifying thing to watch, and I’m happy that she managed to get off social media. 

5. On Stealing Stories

On November 8th, a twitter user by the username napslep (Taylor) was mentioned in a Twitter Circle tweet from an anonymous burner account, which was deleted quickly after, claiming to be Amanduh’s friend and that they were sorry for stealing Taylor’s story. Taylor claims that half of Amanduh’s evidence is edited, and says that the Snapchat DMs are fake. Allegedly, Amanduh’s friend knew Taylor and twisted her story of grooming to fit their own to do what, it isn’t clear. 

What is clear is that this anonymous burner account is the closest thing to hearsay possible. Not only is nothing here provable, but also it doesn’t help that it’s literally anonymous and the account is deleted, so there’s nothing more we can glean from this supposed friend of Amanduh. We’re not here to discuss Taylor, but Amanduh. Whether Taylor was or was not groomed does not really matter, and there’s no reason not to believe them.

I can see two possible explanations, either a. It’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, which as I already said is unlikely, b. Taylor made the anonymous burner account herself to gain more clout. Let’s analyse. Amanduh made a series of tweets (image 3) during the October 15th incident between Amanduh accusing Dream of grooming and Dream posting his response, expressing how worried they were about the possibility of Dream being a groomer. But, if they already knew that Amanduh’s story was stolen from them, why would they be worried? Wouldn’t they already know he wasn’t, and it was all a lie?

Moreover, they claimed in the replies to their original tweet that they had messaged ‘Amanduh’s friend’ and had made contact with them, and Amanduh’s friend had shown them proof. They then refused to post these DMs and said that they were uncomfortable with sharing not theirs, but Amanduh’s friend’s personal information. Multiple users told them that they could just cross out personal info, and at the time of writing it has been 4 days and they have not said a word about this, but still continue to tweet.

6. On Clout Chasing

More common arguments, this time clout chasing, the claim that in the wake of Dream revealing his face, Amanduh made up the whole story about Dream grooming her in order to become more popular. This is clearly illogical. There were 12 days, less than 2 weeks between Dream revealing his face and Amanduh would not have had time to come up with a chain of events, track that chain of events to the snapchat chats, fabricate Dream’s photos, etc.

Furthermore, Amanduh made this comment on a TikTok in September, way before Dream’s face reveal as well as Anastasia and the anonymous user coming forward, about how she was groomed by a famous YouTuber and she hasn’t told anyone because he has no accusations against him and she’d look stupid. Several points, firstly, this matches up with the logical explanation of why Amanduh came forward when she did because it was after Anastasia came forward with her story on October 13. 

She already stated she felt unconfident in fielding the accusations since no one else was doing so, and she does so after someone accuses Dream of grooming. Anastasia’s first tweet literally mentions that the things he’d said are probably similar to others. Amanduh would’ve obviously seen this and realised that she could come forward, and that she had a chance of being heard, because her experiences were so similar to Anastasia’s. And secondly, since TikTok comments can’t be edited, Amanduh couldn’t have magically edited this one too. 

7. On Age

When Dream posted his response on Twitlonger, he actively chose to lie. He claimed multiple times that Amanduh had put her age as 18, that she had told him that she was 18. Firstly, that’s still a sexual harassment charge at least (the FBI’s gonna be knocking on my doorstep if I search up ‘what happens if you send nudes to a minor but you didn’t know they were a minor’), because even if you didn’t know, it still counts because you. still. sent. nudes. to. a. minor. Secondly, she already posted her driving permit with her date of birth and name right there. 17th February, 2004. When Dream sent her nudes in January of 2022, she was still a minor, she was 17.

About Dream

1. On Lies

In the wake of Dream's speedrun cheating scandal, Dream hired an astrophysicist to disprove claims that he cheated in order to obtain his place on the leaderboard. Turns out, he lied. The whole time, he knew he cheated, and yet he hired an astrophysicist, had a debate with speedrun mods, caused said speedrun mods to receive an excessive amount of hate from toxic fans, and washed it all away with a 'sorry'. The next month, he was back to posting videos like nothing had happened, and hasn’t talked about it since.

Yet, whenever the speedrun scandal is brought up, defenders of Dream seem to turn a blind eye. This follows behavioural patterns with several victims of manipulation, where victims will automatically defend abusers/manipulators because they develop hero worship complexes towards them, and in their minds, making it impossible to even comprehend that said abuser could ever do wrong. This is exactly what Dream has done, by carefully curating his image as a relatable and most important of all, a safe space.

Of course, influencers are safe spaces for anyone going through internal or external conflicts. They allow them to get away from the real world and connect with another person that they might not even know. This is unavoidable, and there isn't much of a problem with this. The problems start when influencers who now have influence over large groups of people use said influence to deflect criticism, or denounce it and influence their followers to denounce said criticism as well. Because people are more inclined to follow and believe others who they "know better", this cultivates easy preying grounds. These are commonly known as parasocial relationships.

See, because Dream's followers were convinced he could do no wrong, they attacked anyone for saying otherwise. Moderators, YouTubers, anyone who uttered a word of dissent against Dream was engaged in fierce arguments with his followers. They accused the head mod, Geospace, of faking numbers, of being a paedophile (rather ironic), of clout chasing, etc. So, when Dream turned out to be lying, you'd expect his fans to turn on him, right? Nope, instead, they posted messages of support, because once again, he can do no wrong. If he apologises, surely that means he's sincere and it will never happen again?

Dream is a known liar and a manipulator, here’s a link to a thread by thecatslime outlining everything prominent he has lied about. 

2. On Silence

The saying goes that silence is deafening. In this case, the silence of Dream’s friends is deafening. Remember how in the BadBoyHalo situation all his friends chose to speak up? Remember other cases where the same thing happened, one creator is accused, all their friends defend them and their honour? Where was that same energy from Dream’s friends when he was accused? As thecatslime put it, and I don’t think I could’ve said it better, if you have the capacity to tweet about previous allegations you also have the capacity to tweet about all allegations and show your support for victims. You cannot choose to remain silent when it suits you and when you can’t explicitly deny the people speaking out.