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grantgustluv · 9 months

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his champion - lando norris

pairings: lando norris x fem!footballer!reader

author’s notes: THIS IS MY FIRST IMAGINE AHHHH so let me know what I need to improve on. Also, just pretend that it wasn’t the Hungarian GP on 31st July 2022

warnings: some mentions of anxiety, implied smut (i’m not ready to write that yet sorry)

comment any requests please - i’m going to try and put a new one out every Wednesday

30th July 2022 - the night before the final

Lando and Y/N had been together 4 years, but known each other since the age of 4 and despite their demanding work schedules and busy lives, still found time to love and support one another. They decided to keep their relationship private (with the exception of close friends) because they knew just how brutal their “fans” could be with the introduction of a significant other in their lives, and, although they considered themselves too young to be fully settling down yet, they still only saw each other as their future and they didn’t want that ending yet, especially not by fake fans.

Lando was incredibly proud of his girlfriend and all her achievements despite her only being 23, he had been by her side through everything, all the best parts, like signing for her childhood club, scoring her first goal for both Manchester United and England and making her first appearance at the 2015 World Cup at the age of 16, but also all the lowest moments of her career too, the injuries, the hate, the doubt and all the rumours. Lando had been there through it all and he would always be her biggest supporter no matter what. The same could also be said for Y/N, she was his biggest fan and came to as many of his races as she possibly could and Lando insisted that she was his lucky charm. The only way they could support each other while not physically being there was by sporting the number 4 on their backs, Lando being McLaren’s number 4 and Y/N being number 4 for both Manchester United and England. It was their number. They were each other’s person.

The Women’s Euro tournament had been life changing for England’s Lionesses so far, they had truly done their country proud in every game, but they still had one more to go, the final, against Germany, their toughest opponents yet. Y/N was the top scorer of the tournament so far and was determined to walk away with the golden boot, but she knew it wouldn’t be the same without also winning the Euros altogether with her team.

She never usually got nervous before her games, but this was different, it was one of the biggest games of her career. But all that took over her mind was that she knew that Lando was going to be there. Thankfully, a break in the f1 season had fallen right on the day of the final, which meant Lando and a few of the other drivers were able to come and show their support.

Y/N couldn’t help the smile that took over her face when she looked at her phone, more specifically, her home screen as a notification popped up. It was a picture of Lando wearing her football shirt from last season with the cheesiest grin on his face. Lando hated the photo, but she absolutely loved it, because whenever she would look at it, it would brighten up her day. In that moment she couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have someone that radiated so much joy and happiness by her side. He was the daylight in her life.

A soft knock interrupted her thoughts. Slowly, she walked over to the door of her hotel room and opened it to be greeted by a bouquet of gorgeous roses and the very same smile she was grinning to herself about a few minutes ago. “Missed me?” asked Lando as he handed her the flowers. Y/N didn’t even answer as she jumped straight into his arms and held him as tight as possible. They both breathed a sigh of relief at finally being back in each other’s arms and they weren’t ready to let go yet, they could’ve stayed like this forever. Y/N pulled away first and looked at the flowers. “They’re gorgeous Lan, thank you,” she beamed as she walked over to put them on the side table. She felt his arms wrap around her waist and the tickle of his faint stubble in the crook of her neck. “Not as beautiful as you sweetheart,” he mumbled softly, kissing her neck. He gripped onto her hips and spun her round so they were face to face. “How are you feeling?” he asked, knowing how anxious she could sometimes get before big games like this. “I just feel like I want to get out there and play, I hate the waiting around before,” she ranted. He chuckled lightly, “I know baby, but you’re going to do so amazing, Daniel and I have already predicted what’s going to happen” she raised her eyebrows encouraging him to carry on. “You’re going to score, I just know it. And not just one, but two. It’ll be a tight game but I really believe you girls will win, you all deserve it so much, especially you Miss L/N” he finished. She just gazed at him lovingly and said with a teasing smile, “I hope you’re right Mr Norris.”

It was the day of the final at Wembley and all the girls were getting ready in the changing rooms for the last push of the tournament, giving each other encouraging talks and of course a last minute motivational speech from Leah. Higher up within the stadium was Lando, he was in one of the family boxes with the rest of the L/Ns and had brought along Daniel, Carlos, Max, George, Lewis and Charles (Y/N’s second family, she would call them), all there to support not only their friend’s girlfriend, but someone who had supported them in their careers too.

As Y/N was listening to her pre-game music, her phone buzzed, it was a message from Lando. She tapped on it and chuckled to herself, it was a picture of Lando, Daniel, Max, George, Carlos, Charles and Lewis looking out onto the pitch, all wearing an England shirt with her name and number on the back. She felt a tear form in the corner of her eye at the sweet gesture from the boys and replied back quickly with a red heart when she felt a tap on her shoulder from her teammate, signalling that they need to go line up ready to walk out.

Stood behind her was Jill who squeezed her shoulders and said “We’ve got this kiddo.” Y/N laughed at the nickname that had stuck since the first time she played with Jill in 2015 when she was in fact still a kid. She took a deep breath and replied with “Yes we do.” All of a sudden she was walking out into a packed out Wembley, screams and cheers surrounded her as the two teams made their way onto the pitch. Lining up, Y/N started to look around and her eyes locked onto him. There he was. They gazed at each other lovingly and Lando waved down at her and then made a love heart with his hands, causing Y/N to blush and a big grin to take over her face showing off the dimples that Lando loved so much. It wasn’t until a nudge in her ribs from Lucy Bronze broke her loving gaze from him, letting her know that the national anthem was about to start.

The first half had been pretty uneventful with neither teams scoring a goal and England knew they needed to up their game in the second half or their dream of winning might just slip away. It was in the 62nd minute when Lucy was running down the wing and spotted Y/N outside of the box with no one marking her. Y/N saw the ball coming her way but she knew she wouldn’t have time to stop the ball in order to get the right angle for her shot, so as it came closer she prepared herself and as the ball made contact with her right boot, she volleyed it into the top corner of the net. She couldn’t believe it. She had scored for her country in the European final. She ran to the corner of the pitch towards the England fans and the subs that were warming up alongside the rest of her team, with Leah launching herself onto Y/N’s back. All she could hear around her was her famous chant the fans had come up with a few years ago and the encouragement from the girls. This was a dream come true.

The stadium was still buzzing as the players made their way back to their positions, she looked around for him and when she spotted him she held up an ‘L’ with her fingers and then formed a heart. Lando got a few teasing shoves and comments from his friends. “I think that one was for you mate,” Daniel said with a chuckle. Lando just blushed and mumbled “I know” back to him.

Unfortunately, due to Germany scoring as well and bringing the score to a draw, the game was forced into 30 minutes of extra time. The last thing any of them wanted was it going to penalties, because they knew how much pressure they were, especially in a final. Everyone was on the edge of their seats as it edged into the last 2 minutes of the game and Germany were given a corner. Y/N decided to hang back instead of getting in the box with every other player, even the Germany goalkeeper had joined the rest of her team in the box in hopes of scoring a last minute winner. The delivery into the box was near perfect but no way was Mary letting that ball into the goal at this point so she pushed it away straight out of the box. The ball flew over all the player’s heads and straight towards Y/N and the player that was marking her. She collected the ball, turned around and started running as she already knew that she was onside. She could feel the German player close to her trying to catch her up but she kept pushing. She was running towards an open goal and they were surely into the last minute by now, so she increased her pace as much as she could for one last push. She kept her gaze forward as she took the shot just after entering the box.

Time slowed down completely as she and nearly ever person in the country watched the ball hit the back of the net. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion as she ripped her shirt of her head and swung it round throwing it to the ground as she saw her teammates running towards her. She looked around the stadium. The fans were screaming, the girls were grinning from ear to ear and Lando was cheering and beaming down at the love of his life. He already thought that he was madly in love with her but right now he swore he had never felt this much love for a person, his heart felt like it was about to beat out of his chest and without thought reached into his pocket to feel the little box he had been carrying around with him for the last 3 months. He wanted this, he wanted forever with her, no, he needed forever with her. He caught her looking up at him and nearly fell to his knees when she grinned up at him with teary eyes, pointing to herself, forming a heart and then pointing at him. Lando chuckled nervously to himself, wiped his eyes and then repeated the action.

All the players were eagerly awaiting the full time whistle from the referee and finally it came. Y/N dropped to her knees and burst into tears, they had done it. She had done it. She felt herself being lifted off the floor by a few of her teammates and they couldn’t even produce words as they just cried into each other’s embraces. They approached the German players, congratulating them on a good game and comforting those in tears.

‘Three Lions’ started blaring through the speakers after a few minutes causing the girls to start dancing and singing on the pitch, the whole of Wembley sung in unison and gazed down at their Lionesses, their champions.

After applauding their fans and the German players receiving their silver medals, it was time for the Lionesses to collect their Gold medals, she was nearly there. “And now, give it up for your golden boot winner, your player of the tournament, your number 4, Y/N L/N!” the announcer spoke and suddenly, a loud roar burst through the stadium. She couldn’t believe it. To have the support of your family and team was one thing but to have the support of your country was like no other feeling in the world. She shook Prince William’s hand after receiving her medal and walked over to the trophy, admiring it before walking over to the rest of the team who were now just waiting for their skipper Leah to bring over the trophy ready for the proper celebration to begin.

She didn’t think it was possible, but as Leah lifted up the trophy into the air, the stadium grew louder than ever. Y/N and Millie were then handed a bottle of champagne each and they knew exactly what they needed to do. Y/N turned up to her families box and winked at Lando and he immediately caught on as to what was about to happen. She gave the champagne a little shake and with some force banged the bottom of the bottle against the floor, causing the champagne to shoot out of the top and high into the air, the screams of her teammates then took over as Rachel stole the bottle out of her hands and started spraying everyone with it. Y/N looked up at Lando and could see Daniel and Max next to him cackling at the stunned and lovestruck expression on his face. He was a little embarrassed by himself with how easily that turned him on.

The girls all jumped around on the pitch taking turns holding the trophy and when it was finally handed to her, Y/N kissed the top of it and lifted it high into the air. Just as she was about to pass it on, she felt multiple pairs of arms lift her up in the air and the stadium yet again let out a huge cheer for their number 4. The girls had never experienced an atmosphere like this, things were changing and they knew that they were a part of that change.

As the celebrations had died down, the player’s families were allowed to come down onto the pitch, and as Y/N was getting yet another picture with the trophy, she felt arms wrap around her from every angle. She turned around to be met by the proud expressions of her mum, dad and little brother, she shared tight hugs with all of them before she heard her name being called by a familiar voice behind her. She turned round and jumped straight into Lando’s arms as her legs wrapped around his waist. After a few moments she unhooked her legs and Lando placed her down onto the ground with their foreheads still touching, neither of them could care less about being private anymore as they both leaned in and connected their lips together in a loving and passionate kiss, hearing the sound of cameras clicking around them. They were pulled apart by the sounds of fake gags coming from behind them, they turned around to be met with the boys sharing fake looks of disgust on their faces. Y/N and Lando went over to them and they all joined together for a group hug, which again, caused a ricochet of camera clicks to go off around them. This moment was exactly what Y/N had waited for, winning the European Final and doing it with her team, her family and the love of her life.

Lando and Y/N walked out the stadium hand in hand, heading back to the hotel to get changed ready for the real celebrations to begin.

Lando couldn’t tear his eyes away from her all night, she was jumping up and down to the song playing, her hair bouncing as she did so, her dimples prominent due to the gorgeous smile on her face, her dress clinging to her beautiful figure and her angelic glow causing her to stand out perfectly in the room full of people. Lando could confidently say that he was the luckiest man on earth to have a girl as perfect as her being in love with a guy like him.

It was getting into the early hours of the morning now and both Lando and Y/N were ready to go back to the hotel room, both had craved to be sleeping in each other’s arms again after a month away from each other. They arrived back at the hotel room 15 minutes later and Lando watched as Y/N flopped onto the bed dramatically. Chuckling to himself, he began to remove her heels that she had been complaining about for the majority of the evening and placed them to the side, before carefully lifting her up with her clinging to him like a koala and carrying her to the bathroom and placing her gently on the countertop. Lando stared at her lovingly and softly pushed her hair out of her face. Her eyes flickered open slightly and she let out a little hum as her eyes met her favourite person. Lando proceeded to gently remove the makeup from her face and then carry her back through to the bedroom before removing her dress and replacing it with one of his tops that drowned her figure.

Just as Lando had snuggled in beside her, he felt her shift slightly in his hold. “I love you Lan, you’re everything to me” she mumbled tiredly, followed shortly by her soft snores. The faint traces of the early morning sunrise had started to peek through the curtains allowing Lando to gaze at her sleeping figure. Being careful not to wake her, he placed a gentle kiss on the side of her head, “I love you too my champion,” he whispered softly into the kiss, before drifting off to sleep, holding his girlfriend tightly to his chest.

#lando norris #f1 imagine #lando norris imagine #lando norris x reader #f1 #lionesses #football imagine #england #womens euros #max verstappen #daniel ricciardo #charles leclerc #george russell #imagine

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luffyvace · 1 month

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Hello first of all- Omg my new fav author I LOVE UR WRITING SM LIKE ???? APBDISBRQKOZ

I found your blog form the author!Reader the anon who ask haz a creative mind I loved the 2 post sm I already got addicted to it I hope u Dont mind me requesting sm form it

Imagine Kusuo getting a notification (he seems like the one has his phone on dnd but has his notification open for his s/o in all media) of her post sm in one of there public social platform saying "I'm turning into my emo phase if this writer block doesn't move on form me " and when checking her private acc (the it's only access for him and her older friend) she is all memes about her writer block and her saying "if I stop writing I give all my books and series to you my friend" just her and overreacting to her block writer

Hiii!! THANK YOU CUTIE!! It always makes me so happy to hear I can share my hobbies with others <3 ahhh I see! Of course I don’t mind dear :)

ohh so if I’m getting this right it’s Saiki finding readers second blog (in which she mostly posts unserious stuff about her writers block) I believe I get what ya mean :}

*･..°•*:.｡:3･.｡.:*･..*°.･

Lol if feel like almost every writer has they’re side blogs or blog where they not a writer they just read other’s stuff

and to me this blog seems like a kinda funny vent blog where reader can just complain about her writers block whenever she has it

LOL imagine going inactive on that acc for weeks and saiki’s wondering if you forgot about it or forgot the password but you just simply have had a lot of motivation lately

then all the sudden you come back and your rebloging all types of relatable author memes and making posts about how ‘your going emo because you have writers block’

honestly it’s kinda ironic to him

he likes your posts on both accounts to support even when your do have writers block

cuz who’s likes a guy who ups and leaves when you don’t have motivation?

the first time you threatened to give your books away he knew you were joking but at the same time he was like ‘wait don’t give all your books away they can’t write it as well as you can 😀’

’kusuo I’m joking’

🧍

‘me too I knew that’

(“Thank goodness..her books were the only thing keeping me sane from those nuisances..”)

- In Saiki’s head

he doesn’t get all the writer memes bc he’s not an author, obviously he’s not stupid so he does find some funny

i feel he doesn’t post on social media but if a post of yours does particularly good he’ll repost it

i think I touched up on him being supportive before but yeah I’m gonna say it it again bc it truly is an honorable mention

‘(Name/pen name) has posted!’

- notification

👆💥📲

- Saiki

the emoji combo was terrible but basically that’s him about to break his screen from how hard he clicked

he’s always the first one on your posts and interacts every way possible

except comments..

which sucks cuz it boosts it a lot but he just doesn’t interact online 😭

if it’s a social media where you can see who liked, aiura and torisuka always tease Saiki for being the first like every time

“Dang your a real simp huh? Your the first like on her every post!”

- Aiura

”MAN! You don’t miss a beat do ya Saiki? I can never beat you to it 😭”

- Toritsuka

“wow..you beat me once again. The second the notification pops up you’ve already liked, reblogged and shared before I can even click on it. That’s impressive I must say, but it’s also quite annoying because I would like to be the first one to support (name) one day. In fact you do everything first! You get the books before they publish! You like all her posts first! Satire or not too!- yadda yadda yadda..”

- Akechi

“you don’t even respond to me that fast! Sometimes you leave me on read or delivered for 2 days before you answer me”

- Kaido

Saiki also sees that your friend likes your second acc too

which he would figure since you two are close

ehehe..a bit short dearest but I hope it brings you joy regardless~ 😅💞

I have much to get out..need to be more active..

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kittyadore · 10 months

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I wait for you

—𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘦!42 𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱

—𝘴𝘢𝘥, 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨

—𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵; 3𝘬

—𝘢/𝘯; hi lovelies, i know i was supposed to post this like 2 days ago AND it wasnt supposed to be longer than 1,5k but i got a bit carried away.. also yall aint ready for this i promise i put my heart into this

You always hated waiting for your boyfriend. You absolutely despised it, every time you had to wait for Miles, because he had something 'important' ruin your plans. Not talking about him being a couple minutes late, but whole hours. This man got you waiting hours for him to come to your date, cause of his important shit.

In anticipation of the day, your heart brimmed with excitement for the long-awaited date you had planned with him. The nostalgia swept over you, knowing that today, you were destined to revisit the very restaurant where your first date happened, a place tinged with sentimental memories.

As you prepared for the evening, a soft melody escaped your lips, a reflection of the contentment that filled your heart. The sight of your boyfriend never failed to make your heart flutter, even though you two see each other on a daily basis. How could it be otherwise? In your eyes, he embodied perfection, a sentiment that filled you with gratitude for his presence in your life, day after day.

You got abruptly brought back to the reality as you heard the chime of a notification coming from your phone, the fleeting joy that had enveloped you dissipated as you reluctantly opened a text message from Miles, its contents shrouded in uncertainty.

[mi novio]: sorry ma, ill be abit late

[mi novio]: just a couple minutes dw, its something really important

[mi novio]: ill make it up to u

[you]: ur joking miles

With a mixture of frustration and resignation, you flung your phone onto the bed, releasing a heavy sigh that echoed through the room. It was a familiar scene, for his perpetual tardiness had become a predictable pattern. Yet, deep down, a glimmer of hope persisted, longing for a change this time.

Despite your longing to remain nestled in the comfort of your bed, the difficult struggle to secure a reservation at the coveted restaurant compelled you to get up to embark on your journey. Reluctantly, you grabbed your phone and tucked it into your purse. . A light mist of perfume adorned your being, a final touch of preparation. As you approached the front door, ready to step outside, you got stopped by your mother.

"Have fun sweetie! You going out with Miles?" Your mother's words echoed in the air as you gazed at her, a confused expression etched upon your face. Who else could you be going out with, considering your carefully chosen attire.

"Yeah mom, Miles." Under your breath, a mutter escaped your lips accompanied by an eye roll. You said goodbye to your mother and slowly made your way to your destiny. As you traversed the crowded streets of Brooklyn, you found solace in the sanctuary of your thoughts, determined to fend off mounting frustration aimed at Miles.

However, your patience had reached its breaking point. Despite your unwavering love for your boyfriend, you couldn't understand why was he always so late. His explanations of "it's important" or "it's my work" fell short, leaving you yearning for a deeper understanding that he seemed unwilling to provide, despite your heartfelt appeals. You couldn't help but wonder, could his reasons truly be so dire as to justify the constant disregard for your feelings?

Abruptly, a sharp masculine voice shattered the confines of your trance, jolting you back to reality. You strained to place the unfamiliar sound that pierced the air, it was definitely not Miles.

"Hey, hottie!" You visibly cringed at the words, walking away from the man. "Come on, talk to me."

"I have a boyfriend."You retorted firmly, refusing to stop. The stranger's advances failed to sway your resolve. "He doesn't have to know, really." He grabbed you by your shoulder, compelling you to meet his gaze, a physical imposition that demanded your attention.

"Fuck off." You firmly pushed him away in utter disgust, asserting your boundaries with unwavering strength. "No means no, and you better remember that." Accelerating your pace, a surge of urgency propelled you forward, fueled by a desperate need to escape any potential danger, trying to reach the destination as fast as possible.

Sitting yourself at the fancy reserved table, you took your phone out, but seeing no messages from your boyfriend made the faint smile fade off your face.

[you]: how long do u think it will take u

[you]: im waiting

As silence persisted from Miles, a heavy sigh escaped your lips, prompting you to seek solace in the realm of social media, curious about the lives of your friends. However, upon encountering a picture of your best friend and her girlfriend, accompanied by the "I love you" caption, a pang of unease twisted your stomach. Sure, you were glad she was happy, but the an insidious jealousy gnawed at your insides. In an attempt to stifle those feelings, you left a like on the image before returning to the conversation with Miles, desperately hoping that perhaps you had missed a message from him.

[you]: how long do u think it will take u

[you]: im waiting

seen

Seen. Three simple letters stared back at you, a stark departure from the norm. Miles had never once left you hanging, always quick to respond with a brief "can't talk rn" or "one sec." You tapped your nails on the table nervously, as a torrent of worrisome thoughts flooded your mind. Yet, among the anxiety, you desperately clung to self-reassurance, convincing yourself that he must be preoccupied with matters at hand, nothing more sinister or distressing.

[you]: miles?? everything okay?

[you]: im worried

Still nothing. . Concern mounted within you as minutes slipped by, morphing into an agonizing hour, with nothing but deafening silence emanating from your boyfriend. As the time was passing, it was finally time to leave the fancy place and make your way back home. Rising from your seat, a sense of hesitation clung to you like a shadow, your fingers lingering over the final check of phone notifications, before reluctantly leaving the building.

On your way back, you decided the best way to make all the bad thoughts go away is to grab a coffee. The very place where Miles had always whisked you away to after your dates, serving as a comforting refuge upon your return home, teemed with bustling crowds. Undeterred, you made the conscious choice to partake in your usual order, braving the crowd before embarking on the remaining walk homeward.

"Can I have the same as always, please?" you addressed the familiar cashier, whom you knew by name, as it was your turn to place an order. She received your request, responding with a gentle smile that graced her face. Completing the transaction, you exchanged payment for the awaited drink, patiently waiting for its preparation. With the warm cup now in your hands, you travelled the bustling streets of Brooklyn, a decision solidified within you to pay a visit to Miles' mother, consumed by growing concern for your beloved boyfriend.

Knocking on the door of the familiar place, you were greeted by Rio's radiant smile and tender embrace, a comforting presence amidst the storm of your emotions. Her perceptive eyes swiftly captured the worry etched upon your face, prompting an immediate shift on her face.

"Hey, what's the matter sweetheart? Did mi hijo do something again? I swear this boy is only trouble." she inquired, concern evident in her tone. She shook her head, almost as if she had already anticipated the nature of the problem. In response, a gentle laugh escaped your lips, a reassurance that the situation was not exactly as she presumed.

"Well, he simply didn't show up for our date. I mean he said he was going to be late, but it's been over an hour now and there's been no response to my texts," You explained, your voice tinged with worry. Anxiety flooded your thoughts once more, flooding you in a torrent of unsettling possibilities. "I'm really worried about him, this kind of thing never happens. I'm just scared something happened to him" You confided, seeking solace in the comforting embrace of Rio, not wanting to imagine a world without her son, your boyfriend.

Seated together on the couch, both you and Miles' mother found yourselves in a state of uncertainty, unaware of where the boy is. In an attempt to distract your troubled mind, she kindly offered you a slice of cake she had recently baked. As conversation flowed freely, spanning topics both trivial and profound, a sudden realization washed over you. In the warm embrace of this space, a sense of belonging enveloped your being, stirring a feeling that extended beyond mere comfort. Here, within these walls, you felt an unexplainable sense of safety, an assurance that surpassed any other place you had ever known.

The light-hearted conversation between you and the woman was abruptly interrupted by the distant ringing of her phone emanating from another room. She let out a small sigh, rising from the couch and making her way towards her bedroom to retrieve the device. While a wave of curiosity washed over you, it didn't feel appropriate to ask about the caller, knowing it wasn't your place to do so. Yet, deep within your heart, a glimmer of hope flickered— a silent wish that it would be Miles on the other end, assuring his mother of his well-being and providing an explanation for his absence.

A heavy breath escaped her lips as she returned from the other room, her trembling hands struggling to maintain a grip on the phone. Your attention instinctively turned towards her, and the expression on your face shifted abruptly as you took in the state she was in, a mixture of concern and apprehension washing over you.

"Is everything okay?" you asked, your voice trembling with fear and genuine concern, as she seemed to have heard something quite bad. "Is it.. Is it about him?" You questioned, your voice barely above a whisper, anxiety tightening its grip on your heart.

Her gaze fixated upon your face, a swift nod affirming the gravity of your concerns. "The hospital." she uttered with a sense of urgency, the weight of those two words lingering in the air. In a swift motion, she hastened towards the door, leaving you rooted in place, unable to move. The two words echoed through your mind, causing you to freeze in utter disbelief. The hospital? What happened? Questions swirled within, leaving you yearning for answers, your heart gripped by an unsettling sense of unease.

Not wanting to stay behind, and desperate for answers, you hurriedly trailed after her to the waiting car, realizing the urgency of reaching your destination as swiftly as possible. The gravity of the situation weighed heavily on your heart, knowing that your boyfriend's life hung in the balance, yet unable to understand the extent of the danger. Unwilling to burden Miles' mother with probing questions, you refrained from seeking specifics. As daunting as it appeared to you, you couldn't help but acknowledge that the ordeal was undoubtedly even more distressing for her.

On your way to the hospital, an undeniable tension enveloped the car, willing to broach the unfolding situation. The weight of the unspoken words hung heavily in the air, intermittently interrupted by muted coughs and the rhythm of pounding hearts, mirroring the whirlwind of inexplicable questions that consumed your thoughts. Each glimpse of crimson traffic lights intensified the sense of urgency, causing both of you to lose your minds, as reaching your destination with maximum haste became the main objective in that critical moment.

Exiting the vehicle in haste, the two of you stumbled towards the entrance of the hospital, urgency propelling your every step. With a sense of determination, you swiftly reached the reception area, conveniently located near the entrance. You, your voice laced with concern, immediately inquired about the whereabouts of your boyfriend.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, but that's the information only the family can get." She spoke, looking up at me from her seat, as I tapped my fingers nervously on the table. Her words echoed in my mind as Miles' mom stood up "I'm his mother!"

"Alright, ma'am, I get it. But her?" she gestured towards me, her finger pointed in my direction. "I'm sorry, I don't make the rules." Hearing those words, I moved away to the side, hoping that the woman at the reception could provide any information to Miles' mother. She shook her head in disappointment, releasing a heavy sigh, and then guided the two of you towards the room where your boyfriend was laying. As you traversed the corridor, your breath grew heavier, permeating the air with anxiety, while the glimpse of other occupied rooms passed by in a blur.

As you finally reached the desired room, you found yourself standing before its closed door, grappling with mixed emotions. While a part of you yearned to lay eyes on your beloved boyfriend, another part hesitated, fearing the sight of him in a vulnerable state. Miles held an irreplaceable position in your heart, and the mere thought of witnessing him in pain inflicted a pang of distress within you.

As the woman entered the hospital room, requesting you to wait outside for when she's finished, you decided to settle into one of the unwieldy chairs that lined the sterile hallway.Grasping a fashion magazine, you attempted to distract your racing thoughts, seeking solace in its glossy pages. However, your mind couldn't help but be consumed by a constant stream of questions, each one a knot of concern, wondering about what happened to Miles.

The sound of the door creaking disrupted your focus, drawing your attention away from the tightly clutched magazine. In response, you swiftly rose from your seat, hope and anxiety intertwining in your gaze as you awaited the woman's response. A faint smile played upon her lips as she met your gaze, her voice barely above a whisper as she murmured, "He's fine… I think." Her hand gently settled upon your shoulder, urging you forward, and you obediently followed her lead, guided towards the room.

With deliberate steps and hushed breaths, you entered the room, treading softly to minimize any disruption that might disturb Miles. The sight before you stopped your movement, capturing your attention and evoking a mix of relief and concern. There he was, your beloved boyfriend, laying on the hospital bed, hurt by quite a dangerous situation.

His braided hair laid loosely on the sides of his peaceful face, his eyes closed, and his head slightly tilted to one side. Taking a seat on a small chair positioned by the hospital bed, you delicately intertwined your hand with his, craving his touch and connection. Despite yearning for his warmth, you exercised caution, not wanting to cause him any discomfort. Your thumb gently traced patterns on his hand, letting out a deep sigh of affection as you admired his face, finding solace in his presence even amidst the current circumstances.

His shaking voice disrupted your thoughts, drawing your attention away from your contemplation of his features. Startled, you realized he was awake, his eyes still closed as he spoke. "Hey, ma," he began, his words laced with regret. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it. I'm sorry I kept you waiting." His apology hung in the air, permeating the room with a mixture of vulnerability and guilt.

"Miles, what on earth are you talking about?" you responded, disbelief tinged with deep concern in your voice. Your gaze scanned his face, your eyes stuck on his. "Look at yourself; this is not the time nor place for apologies. I'm just glad that you're okay. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. Your words carried a genuine reassurance, urging him to recognize the profound relief you felt at his safety, and your inability to comprehend why he would blame himself in such a moment.

"I wanted to see you, ma. I know I'm always late or cancel our plans, I wanted to change that. I knew how much it meant to you, believe me. I realized how late I was, and I hurried to be with you, mami. But then this happened." he explained, his voice loaded with a mix of regret and urgency, his grip on your hand tightening. As his breath grew deeper, a sense of concern washed over you. "Are you okay? Miles?" you asked, worry etched in your voice, your attentiveness catching the shift in his breathing pattern.

"I'm fine," he reassured, though his attempts to calm himself proved pointless. "It's nothing, really. They'll release me soon, and I'll be back home before you know it, I promise, ma." You looked at him, concern deep in your eyes, as he spoke. You gazed at him, your eyes filled with deep concern as he spoke. The worry for his well-being weighed heavily on your heart, knowing that the state he was in was far from one that would warrant his immediate release.

"Miles, you can't be released soon. Just look at yourself, you need time to heal and regain your strength. I promise, I'll visit you as often as I can, but your health comes first. You don't look well at all," you started, wanting to express your genuine concern for your boyfriend. However, your heartfelt words were abruptly stopped by a long, uninterrupted sound that pierced the air, causing you to gasp in fear. Your eyes darted towards the nearby device, and your heart sank as you noticed a significant change on its display.

The door swung open, revealing Miles' mother standing outside, her face etched with worry. In a sudden rush, a couple of doctors rushed past her and into the room where Miles layed. Your body felt frozen, still gripping his hand tightly as chaos unfolded around you. One of the medical workers gently guided you out of the room, his voice a hushed reassurance, "He'll be fine." The door closed, separating you from your boyfriend, and you crumbled against the wall, sinking to the ground. Tears welled up in your eyes, tracing a path down your cheeks as the weight of uncertainty and fear pressed upon your heart. Miles' mother tenderly joined you, enveloping you in her embrace, her soothing words offering solace to both of you in this harrowing moment.

The words of your boyfriend echoed through your mind, a fragile strand of hope clinging to your thoughts.

"I'll be back home before you know it, I promise, ma"

I wait for you.

#across the spiderverse #miles x reader #prowler miles x reader #earth 42 miles #earth 42 miles x reader #miles morales #prowler miles #prowler!miles #prowler!miles x reader #miles morales fanfiction #miles morales prowler #miles morales x reader #atsv miles

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lynzishell · 4 months

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Happy Simblr Gratitude Day!

I’ve been sending some individual Asks around for Simblr Gratitude Day, but I didn’t have enough time to write them out for everyone I wanted to. So, I’m making a quick post to shout out all of you amazing people that have brought me endless amounts of joy and inspiration.

I am actually fairly new to Simblr. My first post was only six months ago. From that very first post I was overwhelmed at the kindness and support of this community. We truly have a special little corner of the internet, and I'm so grateful to have found it. Being here has lit a spark in me that I didn't know still existed, and I'll never be able to adequately put into words how much this means to me.

And just when I thought it couldn't get better, @nexility-sims created the simblr writing group on discord. I was nervous about joining at first (I tend to just lurk and leave virtual groups because I'm actually incredibly shy and introverted), but I am SO glad I went for it and joined because I have NEVER been so excited about writing. Even after only two months, I have received so many insights and so much inspiration and connected with such wonderful people. For the first time in my life, I'm actually thinking of myself as a writer, and I cannot wait to see where my writing takes me in the coming year!

Thank you to @daniigh0ul and @armoricaroyalty for making this day happen! I will look forward to it every year from here on out!

And thank you to everyone for sharing your creations, and lifting each other up, and for making Simblr the best little corner of the internet!

This is by no means an exhaustive list. Please know that I appreciate each and every one of you who show up on my dash and in my notifs, and even all you lurkers. 🤗💖

@300yearschallenge, @acidheaddd, @akitasimblr, @aries-sims, @aurorangen, @bakersimmer, @bastardtrait, @beachyserasims, @bloomingkyras, @bridgeportbritt, @citylighten, @clumsyteddy, @crownsofesha, @d4isywhims, @digital-deluxe, @duusheen, @earthmoonz, @edylin31, @fallstaticexit, @femrebelle, @gingerbeardmansim, @igglemouse, @igotsnothing, @jarakio, @joannebernice, @madebysimblr, @mdshh, @moonfromearth, @nitrozem, @pralinesims, @raiiny-bay, @rainymoodlet, @satureja13, @simsstuph, @simulation-machine, @smok3inm1rrors, @stargazer-sims, @stillgotme, @sugarios, @sunsettsimss, @tedsies, @thebramblewood, @themotherplant, @thewoodslegacy, @xldkx

#simblr gratitude day

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juniperskye · 2 months

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Remember That Night.

Sneak Peak: Hotch reaches out to you five months after breaking your heart. Based on the song Remember That Night by: Sara Kays

Aaron Hotchner x GN! Reader

Angst

Word count: 1095

I wrote this in an hour soo…. it’s not edited - please be kind. Requests are open and feedback is welcome if it's constructive!

Warnings: My blog is 18+, minors DNI, not use of y/n, some language, implied smut, talk of heartbreak, some mention of toxic-ish relationship, reader and friends are all left gender neutral, idk ummm bad writing – lol. Let me know if I missed any!!

I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.

He had broken things off just over five months ago. It had been out of the blue and you were devastated. The day after he said goodbye you had felt paralyzed, things had been so good, so how could Aaron be so okay with walking away? You had a hard time grasping onto reality after he left, so much so that all you did was lay in bed and cry. You had ignored all the incoming texts and calls from your friends for a few days, finding it impossible to leave your bed. But as time went on, you could feel things returning to normal, you started to feel joy again.

When Aaron first broke things off, you were sure you’d never heal. You were certain that he’d been the one, but after one month, you started to move on. You had started going out with your friends again. You had allowed yourself to be open to meeting someone new because things were good, and you were happy. You could return the smile of the handsome stranger at the supermarket because it no longer riddled you with guilt. Instead, that smile sparked something inside you, hope.

One month had been good for you, and after two, you felt alright, truly. Every once in a while something would come up and your thoughts would return to Aaron, but it was happening less and less. For that you were thankful. Your friends had set you up with someone and the date had gone well, he was nice enough and he made you laugh. So, when he asked you out on a second date, you didn’t hesitate to agree.

Then three months in, he was off your mind. Aaron hadn’t crossed your mind in quite a while. You felt good and things with this new guy were going pretty well, you weren’t sure if anything serious would come of it, but honestly you didn’t care. It was nice to be dating again and to have someone who was around.

And month four and five, you were living your life, you were better and didn't have to try not to think of Aaron. You had just moved to a new apartment and gotten a promotion at your job; the pieces were finally falling into place. You felt good about things and tonight wouldn’t be any different.

Your friends were throwing you a sort of housewarming/congratulations dinner party! You had put on your favorite outfit while they set the table beautifully and waited for the rest of your guests to arrive.

The night went on full of laughter and so much love. You were so grateful to be surrounded by so many people who cared about you and who celebrated your success with you. The group of you were a few bottles of wine in when a ping from your phone caught your attention. The notification had stolen the breath from your lungs.

You had been fine. Great even, that is, up until now…'til he reached out and said, "Remember that night?". You didn’t need any further explanation; you knew exactly what night he was referring to. It had been pretty early on in your relationship, Aaron had gotten home late from a case and you went for a drive, 2:30 in the morning he kissed you, it was pouring. You held each other tight, before the night was over he looked over his shoulder. You had known exactly what he needed, and you hadn’t hesitated. That night you had climbed into the backseat of his SUV and let him have his way with you. It had been clear he needed to let off some steam and who were you to deny him. You’d never forget that night…but you hadn’t thought of it in a while.

Your friend had immediately seen the shift in your mood and gestured for you to go with them to the kitchen. Gently grabbing your arm to guide you there.

“Babe, are you okay?” They asked.

“Oh, I was doing fine until he said, “Remember that night?”. “Remember that night?" are you kidding me? I haven’t seen him or heard from him in five months, and he texts me that? That’s so fucked. I was finally moved on, hadn’t even thought about him. Oh, I was doing fine he said, "Remember that night? Remember that night?".” You couldn’t help but wave your hands around as you explained the situation to your friend.

“Are you kidding me? Babe do not reply to him, he’s not worth it. Did you want me to stay with you tonight?” Your friend offered.

You shook your head, wrapping your arms around yourself in hope of finding some sort of comfort. Your friend wrapped you in a hug and made their way outside to start cleaning up and hinting to the rest of your friends it was time for them to go.

That night you hadn’t slept a wink. You tossed and turned, your thoughts racing through your mind, feeling completely unsure of how to proceed. The day after he had reached out you were broken for the second time around. You barely made your way to the couch, thankful that you had the weekend to sulk before needing to return to work on Monday. You prayed on the third day that you would be okay, that you'd forget he was ever yours.

You felt so frustrated with Aaron, how could he be so inconsiderate. To text you after all this time and ask you about a night you shared together. He broke up with you, he broke your heart. The more you sat with it, you started to think; “Oh, I don't think you realize How long I had to fight to be living my life To be better and never have to try Not to think of you until you reached out And said, "Remember that night?" We went for a drive, 2:30 in the morning I kissed you, it was pouring We held each other tight before the night was over You looked over your shoulder Oh, I was doing fine You said, "Remember that night? Remember that night?".” Aaron was probably reaching out because he was thinking about himself and how he was feeling, and not how his actions would affect you, which had been a constant issue in your relationship. As much as you wanted to reply to him, you decided against it, but that didn’t stop the memories from flooding your brain. As much as you didn’t want to, you definitely did, remember that night.

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alluringjae · 2 years

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sinfully vowed to you - jjh

open your legs, not your bible | sinfully vowed to you

SUMMARY. how far will you go for love? perhaps to the point you’re bound for marriage, but the groom you seek isn’t the one your heart beats for. and desperately, you must gamble everything without regrets.

PAIRING. jaehyun x fem!reader

WORD COUNT. 13.2k

GENRE. loads of angst, fluff, and slice of life at the end | rich bad boy!jaehyun, rich good girl!reader, implied enemies to lovers!au, forbidden romance!au

PLAYLIST. don’t blame me (sped up and reverb) by taylor swift [the main reason of how this story came to be]

WARNINGS. arranged married to a surprise neo, mentions and appearances of more neos, references to and slight bad-mouthing Christianity, one heated argument where 2 of the 10 commandments are recited, mentions and portrayal of manipulative parents, explicit language, petnames, “stop the wedding” shenanigans, mentions of Satan, mentions and potrayals of physical and verbal assault, eloping, allusions to virginity loss and sex, mention of praise kink, tension between rival families, pregnancy ((let me know I missed anything else))

⤑ vero’s words: reposting bc tvmblr being a bit rood for not showing up on the tags 💀 also did some minor edits and added extra parts i forgot from my final draft huhuhu but omg yeah thank you for all the love for the first part!!! i didn’t expect it to blow up my phone notifs soooo i hope this second part (unsure if it’s the last one who knows right) makes up the sudden cliffhanger HAHAHAHA happy reading!!! 💗

⤑ disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. i don’t own the people/characters written, but the plot is mine. translations or copying my work is not allowed.

⤑ masterlist

⤑ leave me some feedback or hellos!

SIX HOURS BEFORE THE WEDDING.

They say a wedding is every little girl’s dream. Whether it was the white gown or having a gorgeous partner at the end of the aisle whom they truly love, it’s like magic unfolding by the eyes of their esteemed guests.

The power of love ever so beautiful, and how everyone anticipates for it to grown each passing. And for the couple, to be eternally bound and in love until their final breath.

You were one of those little girls caught up in the fantasy, until it was tainted by the bitter reality of your pre-constructed future.

Hushed chatter are exchanged between your assigned makeup artist and hair stylist. They express pride in being booked by such an influential family for such a lavish wedding, doing their best to live up to the high expectations. But they’ll never understand how the smiles you give when they loop you into their small talk, it’s an act. Deep down, you dread their fruits of their labor working out.

Yet you wish to stop yourself from changing into this magnificent white gown cascading every curve of your figure. The upper half is of a tube design, folded twice and sewn. As for the bottom, the fabric are crafted into ruffles that flair until the bottom. A veil is clasp on top of your bun, awaiting until the big event to place over your head. Oh, there are gloves to match.

“Keep yourself entirely covered and pure after your wedding vows.” Your mother once insights as you nod along during your first dress fitting back then. Quite ironic to hear that now, huh?

Eventually (and much to your convenience), the overall styling is done. You bid genuine gratitude to the staff before they exit your hotel room while you remain alone to rest up. It was going to be a long day of superficial joy before facing lifelong period of unhappiness and duty.

As much as you want to enjoy your beautiful reflection right by the full-length mirror, your heart cannot simply move past the tragedy and pain strongly throbbing inside you.

What was the point to be dolled up like this if the groom you seek is not the chosen one?

And what more for a wedding being the happiest day of every little girl’s life if your arranged groom already has a special someone vacating their heart?

The outside world can only rejoice for such a joyous occasion, but the two of you can only mourn for the freedoms that have been permanently washed away.

Quite frankly enough, you still remember that very day you met your fiancé. You can only grieve for what has already been done without your willing knowledge and consent…

And for what else is to come after it.

TEN MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING.

It’s merely two days after your father’s sudden announcement of marriage, and your groom-to-be reached out to you through your mother. He didn’t have your number, so he contacted her first then you.

Meanwhile, your poor heart remains to sob and cry out every ounce of pain. Yet it never decreased, especially when you still had to tell Jaehyun. But you still didn’t have the bravery, dodging his calls and texts on your burner phone.

For the meantime, you needed to face your groom-to-be in hopes for at least a civil relationship.

The cafe near your office was a good 5 minute walk for him, and out there he already laid out his honest intentions and thoughts.

“I understand what we must do for our families’ empires.” He starts off in a downcast manner. “But do know that affection-wise, I can never reciprocate it with you.”

You curved a mini grin. “What’s she like then?”

“Wait, are you not offended?” He’s taken aback. Nothing has occurred but rejecting any future romantic endeavors to the kindest and most angelic woman in the city. He’s aware of the asshole move, but your reaction is very unlike you.

You laugh, breaking a bit of the tension. “Should I be?”

“We’re set to be married, to fall in love over time. So it’s unfair for you if I can’t give you just that. And my, you deserved to be loved in full.”

You heart wrenches. “But you deserve that just as much as I do because--“

“Because?”

“My heart belongs to another as well.”

Silence floods the both of you. Eye contact is evident, not ignored. Your irises drain of energy, of hope. And yet, there’s a nudge of comfort in sharing burdens together.

The burden of your liberty fading day by dad and impenetrable heartbreak.

And even if Jaehyun doesn’t know it yet, you’re already grieving.

“If not a loving relationship,” He cuts the tension. “May we at least remain amicable? I understand that our fates are shitty, but I cannot find any reasons to hate you.”

“I-I’d like that.” You stutter, glad that one good thing came out of a rather pleasant conversation. “I look forward to putting on a façade for the world with you.”

And as if by magic, your future dons a gummy smile. “Likewise, (Y/N). It’ll be a lot less hellish with you by my side.”

The two of you shake hands to it.

“I truly apologize for my family’s greed, (Y/N).” He says with guilt.

“I apologize for the same thing as well, Doyoung.”

THREE HOURS BEFORE THE WEDDING.

Speaking of the man, your phone pings with a notification. The two of you communicate constantly like close friends, a surprising pro to everything.

DY KIM: My mother is looking for you

DY KIM: She wants a photo of her future mother-in-law

(Y/N) Lee: Ew gross

(Y/N) Lee: How fake can she get this time in liking me

DY KIM: As fake as her beloved nose job

(Y/N) Lee: Jesus Doyoung

DY KIM: HAHAHAHA I’d say hurry once you’re done having some last minute alone time

DY KIM: I really don’t want to be around your parents, especially your over-the-top, conservative mother

(Y/N) Lee: Is she telling you not to meet me rn bc it’s gonna bring us misfortune

(Y/N) Lee: If she is, don’t even bother

(Y/N) Lee: Althoughhhh I do stand by that if you don’t mind

DY KIM: Oh, I see. I’m sorry about that, I didn’t know

(Y/N) Lee: No worries, we have our whole lives to figure more things about each other

DY KIM: such a scary idea

(Y/N) Lee: not as scary as both your parents asking me about our future children

DY KIM: I AM STILL SO SORRY ABOUT THAT

(Y/N) Lee: It’s alright, Doyoung

(Y/N) Lee: That is one of my main duties as your future wife

DY KIM: But I don’t wanna think of that yet

DY KIM: Let’s focus on getting through this show

DY KIM: So I’ll see you in the altar?

(Y/N) Lee: Definitely, see you then.

It’s strange how you and Doyoung managed to create a friendship in the midst of your emotional distresses. Maybe in this lifetime, you’re only destined a marriage out of duty. But out of love? There’s no room for that.

Though perhaps now, you may have given yourself an exception. You share a loving look in the mirror because regardless of the occasion, you’re dressed to the nines. You shall not waste it.

You’re only going to get married once after all, right?

“Miss Lee.” Someone knocks on the bedroom door of your suite. It was one of the wedding planners, whose arms carry a captivating bouquet of white roses.

Your favorite.

“These are lovely!” Your legs carefully rush towards her, hoping not to break your heels. “Are these the flowers I’ll be walking the down aisle with?”

“Yes!” She replies. “In fact, this was a last-minute decision because the original red roses sent by the Kims are a bit too striking to the eye. You should be the main star after all.”

You nod. “If that’s the case, may I know who I sent them?”

“Funny you ask, Ms. Lee.” The planner takes a few steps back, only to return with an enclosed white envelope. “This gift came from an anonymous person, and one of my team members was informed that only you can read the letter it comes.”

Your brows scrunch in suspicion and confusion as you accept the envelope. But before you can question it, the planner interrupts your thoughts. “The car you’ll be riding in to go to the church is arriving soon, so we must head out in a bit.”

“Yes, I got that.” You affirm, trying not to get too caught up on this extra frenzy. Curiosity is a great trait of yours, but it can be problematically uncontrollable at time. “May I just spend a few more minutes to read this letter and touch up on my perfume? This can be from all my brothers.”

“Of course.” With that, the planner bows with respect as she leaves the room and closes the door behind her. Without anymore time to waste, your fingers rip out the envelope whilst enjoying the fresh aroma of the flowers. Straight out of the shop for sure, could all your brothers possibly have the time to buy it?

Taeyong is too occupied with his wife and only son to consider such a request.

Ten, your half-brother, just flew in this morning from Thailand. Staying any longer than today can cause major havoc, especially with your mother.

Mark sucks at being romantic. No wonder he can’t keep any of his ex-girlfriends.

Jeno, well. It’s not his thing. Not with his playboy personality lately.

Haechan is still hungover from partying with his friends just last night according to your sibling group chat.

Yet even with this, you’d still like to give all of them the benefit of the doubt. As the only girl in the Lee family, they respect and love you in their own ways. And it’s your wedding day, for God’s sake. They’re aware of how unhappy you are despite denying such, so sending flowers are their way of cheering you up.

Oh, how wrong you are.

Innocently, you unfolded the letter and bit by bit, your mouth lets out a gasp. The handwriting is all too familiar from the first few words on top, alongside the fresh perfume that was sprayed on it.

It came from the last person you can ever expect. The last person you could think or dream about.

Yet the only person your heart desperately longs for.

You’re gutted, yet you needed to contain yourself.

But fuck, flashbacks of the last time you saw each other replay in your head. And none of them were good memories.

FIVE MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING.

Time is crucial in everything you do.

And you knew you fucked up when you kept delaying on telling Jaehyun your wedding when he saw it on today’s major headline in the news.

Here you two were, in your apartment where he manages to sneak in perfectly as always.

But confusion and anger were his driving emotions, and you couldn’t blame him the slightest.

What a coward you are.

“When will you ever stand up for yourself, (Y/N)? When will you call out those people who keep trampling over you?” Those were the first words he expressed, pacing your living room back and forth.

“But these are my parents, Jaehyun!” You tried to stay strong and neutral. You had no choice. “God, I hate them but I can’t lose them. If I do, I lose everyone else.”

“Are you really afraid of losing them or losing the privileges you’ve gained over the years from them?”

“Excuse me?”

“Admit that you are.” He marched forward where you stood. By the window, you’re looking down at the impending traffic. At the cars desperately eager to get home, was this how God saw everyone? Does He watch the suffering of His children in hopes they learn a lesson, or to put them through absolute misery?”

Because nothing else can destroy your heart but Jaehyun’s pain directly speaking at you.

“They’ll remove you from their wills and inheritance, try to blacklist you everywhere, badmouth you to other, rip the whole city apart even to find wherever you are if you run away.” He listed on and on. “How do I know? Because I’m afraid too.”

“Fearing of starting anew, fearing that no one will support you, fearing of what’s to come when you disobey mommy and daddy because you’ve broken Commandment #4.”

“Honor your mother and father.” You responded naturally. How can you not when it’s a major rule you followed all your life?

“But you and I both know that they’re neither deserving of such because they are a lot worthy in the deeper realms of hell.” He spat without care.

“Don’t say that!” You protest.

“But you know I’m right!” And you knew was, but your pride was too high for that. Call it your only sin, one of the seven deadly ones. Truly ironic on your end.

“But it’s not that easy to stray away from my family! Unlike you whose parents give you so much freedom to explore, I am always on a leash.” You try to defend yourself, close to being on the verge of tears. Everything you’ve built with Jaehyun is starting to fall apart. The only person who’s made you feel sane and at ease. But you’re cornered with no choice. “So if I choose to be impulsive, I’ll be trapped. Locked in my bedroom like Rapunzel.”

You distance your glare towards another view, not wanting Jaehyun to see your now falling tears. “And if I run away and fail, my fate can be similar to Taeyong and Ten.”

Memories of Taeyong and Ten being beaten up to a pulp by your father and his henchmen when they tried to expose the corruption of your family to a media news outlet replays your mind. You were still in university, and didn’t mean to see that happening if not for your dying thirst. There was a water dispenser outside your bedroom, and wretched sounds from downstairs piqued your curiosity. Alas, whines from your older brothers as he was punched ruthlessly and bloodily in the living room. Your mother can only cry on the side, merely being a bystander to the abuse because she can’t stop your father.

“But has it crossed your mind that maybe, your brothers not want you to go through what they went through?” Jaehyun tries to compromise. Anything to keep you in his life. “That they too want you to make the big change in the family?”

“Even if they did, I just can’t risk it. Especially as the only woman among my siblings, marriage out of duty is my right.”

“What about us? Our freedom?”

“Freedom for a love like ours…” You trail. “… can only leave us 6 feet under.”

“But aren’t we worth a fight?” He begs. “I know what we signed up for our love likes ours, but shouldn’t we give it a shot? Give us a shot.”

“Jaehyun--“

“Do you not love me enough? Or is it me that loves you more than you?”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Everything that’s happening right now is bullshit because rather than doing what’s right, isn’t pushing through with the wrong?” His temper nearly tramples your room down. Getting a noise complaint right now is the last thing you needed. “Isn’t that contradictory as the good religious girl you are?”

“So you think that I am the bad one here?” You almost scream in stress. “God, I should’ve never given you a chance.”

“Say that again, angel.” Jaehyun’s voice lowered.

Oh shit, you fucked up with your mindless words.

Your lover straightens his back, showcasing his full height. How he hovers you, making you walk back again while he follows. That’s until you hit the wall loud and clear. “I don’t think I can’t hear you clearly.”

“You Jeongs are trouble and always will be. How dumb of me to have been so merciful to sinners like you.”

“That’s not what you said when you kissed me back a lifetime ago.” He plays around your charade. He knows you don’t mean it.

“What makes you think God will take you back?” You challenge.

“If I had to attend mass every day and bathe myself in holy water to clear myself of every remnant of you, so be it.” His hands rake over your body, one landing on your waist and the other planted on the wall near your face. Lowering his stance, your body get goosebumps from the words that he whispers in your ear. “Commandment #9: Thou shall not bear false witness against me.”

You bit your lips, which he makes him smirk. To add, “We all know you’re uttering a lie, baby.”

As his ego inflates, that’s only when your senses return to their normal state. “Get off me.”

“But you’re my religion, baby.”

“Commandment #1: Thou shall have no other Gods before Me.” You retaliated. “Convert back to your old self, Jaehyun. The one before you rejoined Bible study.”

“Baby.”

“It’s blasphemous to describe me as a religion when I am no god. So If you really love me, you’d understand my sense of duty and let me go.” Don’t. Please. You’re at a point of confusion, but you cannot let whatever feelings you have for Jaehyun jeopardize your life. Perhaps these feelings shall pass too.

Right?

“(Y/N).”

“Please don’t make it any harder for us, Jaehyun.” You weakly pushed him away. “So please go.”

Jaehyun’s been the type to rile you up, to take risks. But he knows when enough is enough. As your orbs have been drained of its light, and your back slouched in fatigue, it’s a pain to see you this way.

But the pain that piles in his chest was more superior, and he starts to lash out. Like he’s back in square one with you.

“I loathe your family. You robbed my family all those years ago, so I thought I’d never like you no matter how kind-hearted you are in and outside the church. But I was so fucking wrong.” He starts to cry, which he rarely does. And it’s from the last person he ever expected it to be from. His only lover, the only person who understood him, was leaving him.

“You’re the only one who understood me when everyone turned their backs at me for my sharp tongue. Sure, we argued a lot but you put me in my place. In my cold world, you embraced me with warmth. You taught me how to soften up and make amends with Sungchan, and showed me what real love is unlike the harshness of my parents.” Your back was turned when he kept talking this point on, refusing to confront him more. It’s too much you can mentally and emotionally handle.

“But that doesn’t really matter anymore.” He sighs, giving up. “I fell for your tricks, and now, you robbed my whole heart. How it beats for you, and only you. Truly, robbing runs in your blood and it shall stay that way forever.”

“Jaehyun, wait--” From your cold stance, only now were you awakened by the consequences of your actions. But it was too late. Jaehyun was by your front door, opening it to exit your home.

And your life forever.

“Goodbye, (Y/N).”

TWO HOURS BEFORE THE WEDDING.

Will you ever be ready to read this note when your parting all those months ago was bitter?

Yet it does cross your mind how he’s been, how can you not be?

If this was your last connection to him, you must savor it. All the sweetness and bitterness blazed in it.

Dearest my angel,

Weddings allow you to witness the passion and love between a couple right before your eyes. There’s truly nothing more breathtaking than that.

I am so sorry for the way I acted that night and each word I spat at you. I pressured you into something that you weren’t comfortable with out of my greed, inconsiderate of how much stress you already were under beforehand. Rather than putting you on the spot and lashing out my growing heartbreak, I should’ve been by your side. To be your shoulder to cry on, especially when we know what kind of love if we’re in.

But forgive me and my poor heart: it still cannot accept that you’re betrothed to another. I cannot invalidate my emotions that day either, but regardless. I am sorry for my actions that night.

They say our kind of love is forbidden, disrespectful to our ancestors who loathed each other. But can we really blame our souls to find connection in the mutual pains of our manipulative families? Should we choose to hate our neighbors because they told us to do so, to continue the generational tradition? Damn, we should never be religious if our sense of humanity is fucked.

By this time, you’re already dressed in a fascinating white gown. You’ve always been beautiful, but you’re bound to make every angel above cry in praise as you walk down the aisle. They’ll see what I see in you, even if I’m not the man who gets to take your hand. Until death do us part, but we’ve already parted before we can ever truly begin.

Thank you for accepting me for who I am. Thank you for making me realize how much I’m worth versus the bad things my parents say about me. Thank you for always encouraging me to go after my dreams even when a lot of people has turned their backs on. Most of all, thank you for loving me as I have loved you.

I don’t deserve a space in Heaven, but I am glad I found Heaven in you. And now, I’m ready to step down. Not necessarily to let you go yet, but in time, I’ll be able to let you go and look back at our memories fondly.

So please don’t shed any more tears if I am the cause of them; it aches my heart thinking of it because you deserve all the happiness in the world. Freely live a new life with your groom and create amazing memories with him.

I believe that my purpose in God’s plan for you, which is to love you fully and authentically in this world of lies, has been fulfilled.

- J

“We must leave in 5, (Y/N).” The muffled voice of the planner echoes through your trance, one that has you silently sobbing underneath your lips. Tears that threaten to brim down, but your head shakes before they do so.

What have you done? You became a slave to your cowardice for the longest time, only for your courage to finally knock some sense into you. You simply cannot go through this ceremony, you had to get outta there.

But it was already too late. Life doesn’t wait on cowards like you.

With the white bouquet in hand, your last connection with him, you pull yourself together.

“Alright, I’m ready. Let’s go.”

ONE HOUR BEFORE THE WEDDING.

Pictures here, pictures there.

The ceremony hasn’t started, and yet your parents and Doyoung’s demand numerous shots with you by the hotel and in the church. Your toes start to ache in your heels, and to your side, your eyes beg Taeyong and Ten to save you from your misery.

The latter boy laughs from afar, giving you a thumbs up. Or rather his expression read, “You’re on your own to do your duty!”

Meanwhile, Taeyong cuts in between you having dreaded small talk with Doyoung’s self-righteous mother. Already proud to claim herself as your mother-in-law, your ears can bleed for every screech in her tone when she opens her mouth. Under the excuse of “having some 1-on-1 time with my only sister”, Taeyong escorts you to a quiet, closed room within the church.

“Thank God for you, Yongie.” You hug him with utmost gratitude. “I’m about to lose my mind if Mrs. Kim wouldn’t shut up.”

Taeyong laughs, gladly returning your gesture. “Anything for you, little sis.”

You scoff, correcting him. “Your only sis.”

“You know what I mean.”

The two of you smile at each other, enjoying the comfort of silence. Since you were children studying in your living room back then to the first time Taeyong taught you how to drink when you turn 18, he was like your best friend. Through thick and thin, and against your parents the two of you were. Slowly, you’re breaking the cycle of bad deeds.

Or trying to. Because neither of you got away with your arranged marriages.

Speaking of which…

“So this is really happening, huh?” Taeyong starts as he hands over a bottle of water from the refrigerator behind him. It’s by luck the two of you ended up in the private lounge of the church for esteemed wedding guests. “Are you ready for this lifelong commitment, (Y/N)?”

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” You say flatly. “You had to go through this as well, but eventually, you began to love your wife so maybe it’ll work for me too.”

“I was very lucky with Minyoung. She’s my soulmate.” He smiles upon the thought of his lover, but it only enables the green monster of envy into your being. “But I don’t think our situations are ever going to be alike.”

You squint a brow from your stance by the window. “What do you mean?”

“I was single when I was arranged to be wed, no person vacating my heart nor had intentions to look for one.” He lingers, locking eyes with you. His bright, wide pupils that can easily read a person, it was like he was analyzing your entire mind and body language. But alas, he already knows a lot more than you can ever imagine.

It only explains how your fingers drastically slip from your bottle, spilling incandescently on the floor. Thankfully, it didn’t break because of the curtain above the wood. You alertly scurry away from the wet zone and lean against the glass bookcase of religious books. Dare not can you look at your brother in the eye, too busy being washed out with shame, guilt, and misery.

“Taeyong, I can explain.”

“What else is there to explain, little sis?” He keeps his composure, unfazed. No anger, no outlash, no negative emotions bubbling his figure. “Other than you’re in love with another man, one you know will cause mayhem when mother and father know of it.”

You want to deny everything he’s blurting out to you. But your sudden reaction is too much of a giveaway, and lying to Taeyong is impossible. Not when he’s best at sneaking around and digging secrets about everyone. Why do you think he figured out that Ten’s your half-brother, not just some exchange student from Thailand during your high school years?

“Of all the men out there, did it really have to be Jeong Jaehyun?” He asks with concern in his tone rather than judgement. It was the first time he utter the man’s name without hatred. Not when he’s someone very dear to you.

“Hush your voice! Someone might hear.” You order, peering at the door. Anyone can walk in, or eavesdrop. Your world has eyes and ears everywhere.

“Just answer the question, (Y/N).” His tone deafens, but his composure hasn’t wavered.

You sigh, gazing downwards while your fingers tightly clutch on your gown. “The heart wants what it wants. And I’m sure that until the end of time, it’ll always long for him.”

Taeyong remains speechless momentarily to calibrate with his thoughts. He’s been hesitant with Jaehyun the second he saw return to church a lifetime ago. Always up to no good, yet never to start a fight because he’s not the type. And luckily, they never crossed paths outside. He recalls how nervous he was upon hearing from the latest gossip (aka your mom) that Jaehyun joined the Bible study as probation for his consistent outside bar fights. You’re a consistent goer, so he can only pray that nothing bad happens to you.

Over the course of time, he witnessed Jaehyun tame down and become more active in church. Rather than be bitchy, he was impressed. Only God can judge people, not him. Yet at the same time, he observed how more laidback you became. You’re firm to your beliefs and faith, but not really the toxic, conservative type to force others that your beliefs were better than yours. It was more like you’ve loosened up strings and allowed to let your hair down, socializing more and trying new things. Perhaps riled your mother up for being “unladylike” at times, yet it didn’t bother you anymore. If you had fun and hurt nobody, how should a conservative mother’s unnecessary opinion affect you?

So now, onto you and Jaehyun.

It took him back when you’d both get in trouble by the nuns for your arguments, earning a scolding from him on the phone because “you’re better than this!” or a similar kind of pep talk. It’s merely enemies to somewhat friends when he thinks of the both of you, especially when you opened up how you came into a compromising understanding with Jaehyun out of maturity.

But the idea of love came rushing as he unintentionally saw the two of you kiss on the second floor of the open church. Jaehyun’s palms were situated on your waist while your arms loop behind the nape of his neck, both of you smiling at every movement your lips made.

The second floor is where the choir stays, and you and Jaehyun were packing up their songbooks post-mass. He showed you the different colors of light being reflected from the stained glass artworks. Specifically the image of the Virgin Mary, it lit up the best before the sunset. The both of you were distracted from such beauty, and eventually towards each other when specks of colored light hit your faces. Caught up in a meaningful moment, a passionate kiss where your bodies are right in front of the big crucifix was followed.

A symbol of showing Him that love had no boundaries or limitations.

A symbol that further enlightened Taeyong on how you’ve both changed.

You and Jaehyun balanced each other out over time, so it should be a no-brainer that this was going to happen. Yet he chose not to say anything about it then because he wanted to hear it from you. It was clearly a private moment too. He could’ve been mad, but he wasn’t.

You’re in love, and it’s real.

However, it’s only leading into a loophole of misery. Arranged marriages are a given in your clan, hence refraining from creating close relationships with the opposite sex. Oh, how you broke that rule ruthlessly.

“Who else knows?” You quiver, self-conscious and vulnerable. Were you not secretive enough? Did the burner phones you and Jaehyun used were actually trackable? Did someone follow you? All sorts of questions cloud your already cluttered brain.

“Ten.” Taeyong bluntly responds, and you stiffened.

As much as you love Ten, any so-called steamy information he gets within his circle he uses it as blackmail just like Taeyong. You would know; you were there when he confronted your father about his affair with his mother. That if he has no place in his empire, he’d expose such a scandal. It’s no question your mother (his step-mother when he got adopted a month after the threat) despises him to the core, a lot more than her disloyal husband.

But before the paranoia can worsen, Taeyong chimes in. “Don’t even think he’ll use it against you. In fact, he’s in favor of such like I am.”

“Wait what?!” Now, you’re confused.

“I know I confronted you at the most wrong time, and my tone this whole time is very vague.” He clarifies, and with every word, he walks toward you. As his clammy hands now holding yours, he fully lets out his main truth. “You have to make a choice, and we know this wedding isn’t the right one.”

“Taeyong, it’s too late.” You beg, utterly weak in his eyes. And how it aches him to see you like this. “He’ll never take me back. Not after he found out about the news.”

“You can never be too sure, so I wholeheartedly think that you need to make a move.” Taeyong’s quick vision spots a growing tear in your lid, wiping it carefully with his index finger. “It’s always been you being a pawn in our parents’ game. But this time, change the direction and claim your power as queen.”

“But our younger brothers…”

“I failed to set a proper example before so please learn from my experiences, (Y/N). Show them that we cannot let ourselves be controlled by our parents.”

Right as you wanted to reply, an impatient set of knocks intrude your now-or-never conversation.

“I’m already annoyed that I wasn’t invited to your heartfelt chat.” Ten’s sarcasm pipes in, which eases the tension surprisingly. “But the wedding starts in 5, and I want to spend some time with the bride as well.”

Taeyong hastily unlocks the door, while you followed behind him. Lo and behold, Ten graces a mischievous smirk as he leans against the door frame. Taeyong pecks your temple a final with a fervent look screaming “time is running” before he runs to assist Jeno refix his necktie.

That leaves you with Ten. With his arms crossed, he first marvels at your beauty.

“My sister, ever so beautiful.” The sweet scent of his parfum whiffs your nostrils, making you hum in comfort and familiarity. Regardless of being half-siblings, you always treated him the same as the rest.

“Thank you for coming. I feared that you wouldn’t after your recent brawl with dad.”

“I’d never let any shitty fight with that monster stop me from see you walk down the aisle. Plus, when are we not fighting?” He jokes, his hands finding the cloth of your veil to help you put it over your head. As per tradition as the beauty of the bride must only be saved by her groom. “But are you really happy to be here?”

Always straight to the point, that was Ten for you. With one brow lifting upwards in question, he continues on. “I’ve always known that you wanted real love, and when you did, you chose not to go through with it.”

“It’s complicated, and you know that.”

“Do I?” He challenges. “You’re in love with a boy who’s part of the rival family. That’s not hard to piece together.”

“How do you even know it’s him we’re talking about?”

“What other guy, excluding us siblings, have you been constantly around with?”

“Doyoung is there.”

“But he came in the picture late. Jaehyun, however--” He lengthens the tension. “He may have gotten on your last nerve numerous times in Bible study, but not when I saw you both have a secret late-night date by the Han River.”

Your eyes widened. Taeyong was right earlier. “Excuse me what?!”

Ten laughs at your shock. “I was trying to easen my hangover from my bar-hopping adventures with our younger brothers that night, but definitely sobered up when I saw you and him giggling over the smallest things by the river.”

“Ten, I—” It was your only public date with him, when no one could ever question or follow your moves. Even managed to convince your parents that you needed fresh air that day after all the stress at the company headquarters.

“Life is too fucking short, (Y/N).” He lays out his advice flatly. No detours, no sweet words. Just the real, harsh truth. “If you don’t make a stand, the regret of it all will kill you.”

PRESENT TIME.

Time can’t spare you a moment to breathe to answer him or deny his intentions. Because the second the wedding planner stressfully calls you over to stand behind the main church doors, all you can focus was this event. This wedding, one that numerous people anticipated. Loads of influential families that are acquainted with your parents filled up every pew, bridesmaids and groomsmen are lining up to enter the church first.

On the other hand, your parents stood each side of you. They beam in excitement, while you try to match them. Everything is for their selfish sake, anyways.

As the doors officially open, harmonious music from the band on the second floor play for everyone’s glee. Couple by couple, flower girl after flower girl, then Doyoung’s youngest cousin as the ring bearer, every single person has their eye on you. How much you’ve grown over the years, the elegance you embody is simply natural and no gown or makeup can compete with that.

Especially your groom, who shares an enchanted gaze at you from afar. And as flawless as he looks in his black suit and tie, the truth-binding words of your older brother resurface your mind. From trying to appreciate the efforts put in making the church a more enamoring location for a wedding, uncontrollable tears grace your visage. You’re glued to the program of this show, and any refusals will be disrespectful.

“Don’t get too emotional now.” Your mother comforts, only thinking that you’re overwhelmed in joy. “It’s only getting better from here.”

Lies.

Only you and Doyoung can truly share the same feeling at this moment. Even if he finds you ever so dashing, he proceeds to mask his own pain with a tight-lipped smile as he watches you walk down the long, flowery aisle. It was a representation of your life together ahead, especially seeing the petals blacken from the dirt. The reality of it all is only hitting you now as your parents hand you over to Doyoung, who directs you to the center. His hands still hold on to your covered ones, keeping up your façade.

“I’m sorry.” He mouths.

“Me too.” You reply.

The first of many. Such a disgrace to the crucifix above, yes. But what else can the two of you do now?

The priest politely greets the two of you before the ceremony officially begins.

The first and second readings ran smoothly, being read by your father and Doyoung’s mother. It’s almost like a typical mass, where the Homily often bores you to the point you wanted to pass out. Even had Doyoung, who sat beside you, worried.

“You look pale.” He comments. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I’m fine.” You reassure with a genuine smile. “It’s just hot in this church.”

“When has it not been?” He tries to joke, which you actually enjoyed.

Once the short-lived humor died down, you try to refocus your mind on the ongoing Homily. Surprisingly, you finally pick up and find yourself attentive for a change.

“Love is blind, they say. Perhaps, that’s true, as one cannot control how their heart can beat for another one. But there is also this saying: souls don’t meet by accident. Nothing in life is a coincidence: there’s always a reason why they meet. And when they do, it creates magic. They balance each other out in aspects they fall short, but not necessarily complete them. They bring the best sides of them out, yet fully let their vulnerabilities come under the light without fright. Because they know they’ll be protected than reprimanded.”

You’re unsure how restless your pupils became, eager for new perspectives. Maybe you need a fresher view other than the bright altar? If only you had your eye drops with you to alleviate the dryness, you certainly wouldn’t have felt this way.

As you blink once, twice, a couple more times, your eyes begin to feel better from the natural tears they make to lubricating itself. However, little did you realize where you were looking at.

From the altar, your vision went peripheral. By the second floor, right beside the choir, a silhouette stands up from their pew. Arms crossed and wrapping their arms around their blazer, he was rather suspicious. At this point, you’re quite acquainted with every guest present today. To the point that no one is meant to be seat up there unless you’re in the band.

You’re suddenly become aware that the longer you view that shadow, the weirder it’ll look for the guests. Your curiosity can really take you the far places, but often times, you need to be anchored before flying too far to the sun.

Speaking of which, the bright, shining light directly hits on the aforementioned shadow. Almost like a prayer, it heard you so it gave what you pleaded.

And man, you’re stunned by what unraveled before you.

His brown hair is styled upwards with a few strands in front of his forehead. The sleeves of his black dress shirt were folded to his elbows, while his black trousers have minor creases on the bottom hems. His eyebags darkened, showing lack of sleep on his end. However, his orbs greet yours with warmth. A reconnection, as you find it difficult to stray away. Dimples pop out as he smiles your way, fluttering your heart like a young teenager.

Why was it so familiar to you?

But there’s no way this was real, right? Have you started building delusions in your head as a coping mechanism to your upcoming lifelong misery?

You blink and shake your head for reassurance, but as you reopen your eyes, he was gone like magic. Yet his silhouette lingers through your mind. Alongside that, the ending words of the homily seeped through with a vengeance.

Or rather, redemption.

Because for some reason, the silhouette urged your mind to remember Jaehyun.

“The utmost beauty of these souls is how neither of them were looking when they found each other.” Insert the moment when Jaehyun emerges to the Bible study room for the first time 3 years ago. With a sinister grin and stance, he managed to lock strong eye contact on you as you were passing out Bibles to the other kids. How unshaken you were, yet so entranced by him.

“From meeting, in comes the unconditional love they’ll build.” The innocent memories of your relationship with Jaehyun when you started seeing each other romantically dance around your brain.

“In that love, they put effort everyday through the small things.” You’ve always liked white roses, while Jaehyun fancied sweet potato chips. Every getaway you both had, you’ve gifted each other with those items.

“In that love, it’s impenetrable to conquer every battle and fight that stampedes there.” If not your last encounter, there was one time you may have succeeded here. You recall defending Jaehyun from your parents at home when he put you trouble and “trouble” after Bible study. How even if he’s the so-called enemy, he’s a good person relearning what’s right from wrong. How he is not his family.

“And in that same love, it makes them feel at home.” Cue all the imaginative, future plans you and Jaehyun drunkenly made if your love story wasn’t an impossible tale. How you’d leave it up to the multiverse, you both giggled.

“So my brothers and sisters, in every story, these two souls here,” The priest naively refers to you and Doyoung. “It’s not a coincidence. The Lord knew what he was doing. He didn’t create a perfect love, but a love only the bride and groom would ever know and feel. Yet it’s a love He created in His likeness and image because He loves His children, and only bless them with eternal happiness with each other.”

In your parents’ eyes, they saw your future with Doyoung.

In your eyes, the future was set with Jaehyun. Wherever you are, all you can think of in every word the priest spoke.

And that future with him is ever so clear and beautiful…

Holy shit.

This wedding must not push through.

“Kim Doyoung and Lee (Y/N) have invited us to share in this celebration as they affirm their love before us, pledge their faith to one another and enter into the joys and privileges of marriage.” So caught up in your reverie, you’re back to standing up and facing Doyoung. The recitation of vows approaches. “If there is anyone present who can show just cause why these two persons may not be joined in matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Stillness, much to your parents and Doyoung’s delight.

But now, you could care less about what others think. This needs to stop.

This is your life, and you’re reclaiming it as yours.

You need to run far, far away and find him.

Your real love, Jeong Jaehyun.

And to that, you pray within yourself:

“Oh Lord, save me, my drug is my baby. I'll be usin' for the rest of my life.”

“I can’t do this.” You object boldly, stepping back. “I can’t marry you, Doyoung.”

The audience behind you gasps, the priest and Doyoung especially. “What do you mean, (Y/N)?”

You felt so apologetic for his confusion. “You deserve someone who truly loves you without judgment.”

Your eyes peek over his shoulder to find a woman beside his younger brother Jungwoo quivers at the entire scene. The same woman whom you’ve found out was his first and only love, if not for you asking about her during your first encounter. Yet never did he act on his affections due to the standards of his family, and being the best friend of his brother. He feared of the consequences, but this is no time for fear.

It's time for action. If you’re going to make your move, so should he.

“Fight for your true love. Don’t make them take it away from you.” Your eyes linger momentarily on Doyoung’s real love. “Don’t let them take her away from you, and choose the life where you can be unapologetically and incandescently happy, Doyoung.”

No more words can Doyoung utter towards your plea, but instead lets his daring actions communicate back to you. It was the way his arms looped around her waist, hugging her for dear life. And how she gasped loudly the entire church can hear as she returned his empowering gesture, lacing her arms around his neck.

“I’m sorry, Sejeong.” Doyoung whispers a little too loudly. “It’s you. It’s always been you, and will forever be you I love.”

Not a breath wasted, these two lovers rapidly make their exit through an emergency door of the church. Doyoung utters nothing more to his parents, but expresses disgust and anger at how he glares at them. I’m done with your shit, his eyes read. Oh, how his dear mother cries out for him to come back while his father holds her back. Jungwoo, on the other hand, claps at his brother’s impressive move. He didn’t even bother listening to his father who ordered him to chase after him.

“They’ve always been in love with each other. Who are you to tell me to stop them?”

Meanwhile, time is ticking for you. You’ve had your run at playing matchmaker, now you need to return to your lover. One you can hope will take you back after your cowardice pushed him back to the pits of hell, while you crawled back to your seat in heaven. Although tainted you are, nothing but a few prayers and consistent good deeds will gain favor from Him again.

And so you ran. Heels of your heels click clack the marble aisle as you remove your gloves. Your freed fingers grasp on the fabric on your gown to move arther and farther away from the altar. Guests are even more bewildered by your actions, never expecting you to turn out this way.

“Lee (Y/N)!” Only the frantic voice of your mother halts you. Call it a natural reaction when you’ve grown up under her care, her ever so manipulative and overprotective care.

You huff, turning around. “What is it, mother?”

Only a few meters away from you, her hand hurtfully grips your arm. “Ow!”

“You disgust me.” She spits. “How dare you embarrass our family like this?! Have you no conscience?! Why are you acting like a child?!”

You scoff, annoyed. “I think I should be asking you the questions.”

“Excuse me?!”

You yank your arm away from her sharp fingers. Your posture stands a little taller, which is your way to signify confidence. Bravery from her threats.

“All my life, you dictated my every move. You constructed me into this good, religious good girl image so others can stray away from the corruption of our family businesses. You banned me to make my own choices and live my own life because you solely believe that your and father’s choices are the best ones. You taught me misleading ideals and beliefs, urging me to hate others who don’t resonate with me and abandon those who are lower than me. And now, you attempted to sell my freedom for the price of overflowing greed.”

You blurt out every ounce of pain you’ve gained all your life, finally relieving yourself of the burden. If only you could see the proud expressions your older brothers sport from afar, while your younger brothers can admire your courage. You’re finally taking a stand so neither of them would face a situation like this.

“You are lying!” Your mother tries to fight back, even if her lips quiver. Never would she think her only daughter could turn out like this. “That’s a sin, young lady.”

“But nothing as worse as greed, mom. One of the seven deadly sins, like you once taught me.” You smirk.

“Do not dare talk back to your mother!” Your father joins the heated scene. “What happened to you, (Y/N)? How did you turn out like this?”

You laugh, placing a hand on your chest to hold yourself back. “Your sheltered, devious way of parenting me and my brothers led me here. So much for saying we’re a self-proclaimed “God-centered” family when we are far from th--”

Your outburst is dramatically cut off with a stinging slap from your mother. Your legs give out from the impact as your butt lands flat on the marble. The crowd is in a disarray from the sudden commotion, full from all this information. Information that’ll give every journalist and gossip meals for months.

Meanwhile, all your brothers race to your aid. This has gone too far.

“You’re no longer my daughter, but the daughter of Satan himself.” Your mother rages while your palm covers your reddening cheek. You can only yourself back because physical violence shouldn’t be responded with the same thing. And being Satan’s daughter? So be it. It’s better than being the offspring of your parents.

“If not Doyoung, us, or your brothers, who would ever love and accept your lost, pitiful soul?”

“I would.”

A deep voice sends shivers to your figure. Almost like he’s enraged, you swivel your head to the source like everyone else.

It was none other than the silhouette from earlier, emerging from the darkness of the aisle. Except now, he was no regular silhouette. It embodies more sharpness and tidiness, like prestige and power exalts his bones. Almost like a complete redo.

Speaking of which, what your eyes laid upon prior wasn’t a hallucination. The more light from the church and the sun combined shines through, you managed to piece their appearance.

And how stupid you feel not to have pointed it out. The voice alone should’ve knocked some sense of you, because it was none other than--

“Jaehyun.”

The mentioned man continues to strut out, gradually exposing and making himself known to everyone present today. And it’s without a doubt that the gossip from this event alone can feed a whole country, especially with your father seething from his stance.

“Why is there a Jeong in this immaculate event?” He blames. “Have you not learned from your probation and dare barge in my daughter’s wedding?”

“What wedding, sir?” Jaehyun smirks sinisterly, slowly approaching your feeble figure. “It’s more like I witnessed physical and verbal assault against your daughter. In fact, everyone did. Including the Lord himself.”

“I oughtta-” Your father prepares his fist to meet Jaehyun’s face, if not Taeyong’s swift hand catching it.

“Not today, father. And never.” He throws a death glare at his predecessor.

Simultaneously, Jaehyun’s hands reach out for yours. You wobble for a bit when you get up, but you find your balance. His rage and frustration soften into concern at your overwhelmed state, lifting the veil over your head to cradle your weary face.

“Are you okay, my love?” His palm soothes your aching cheek. “I’m sorry I didn’t save you on time.”

“You--” You start to choke on your words. “You’re here. You came back for me.”

“Of course, I did.” He grins genuinely. “I should’ve never left you like that back then. Not when we needed each other the most.”

Before proper words can leave your scattered mind, your father screams like he witnessed a bloody murder.

“What is the meaning of this?! There’s no way this is the man you love, (Y/N)!” He screams, while your mother faints at the sight.

“Surprise, father.” You smile with mischief. “I fell in love with the so-called enemy, and I shall spend the rest of life eternally with him.”

“I object this union!”

“I don’t fucking care.” You curse without remorse. Sparing a loving glance at your man after, “Fuck you, mother, and everything else in this feud. I am done.”

Angrily, your father nearly charges in front of you and Jaehyun. But you’re spared in a flash if not for Taeyong and Mark pulling him back. Jeno and Haechan, on the other hand, hold on to her before she loses her consciousness again. And also avoid her from hurting you.

Ten calls out both your names from the side. Suddenly, a pair of car keys are thrown at your direction. Jaehyun catches them instantly.

“Save your sweet yet vengeful reunion someplace else and run! Now!”

You’ve completely forgotten how public this wedding was as every person spectate how you take hold of Jaehyun’s hand, leading you to a more private exit of the church. Taking the main doors will spark a frenzy by the paparazzi, and that’s the last thing you need on your agenda.

Now in the parking lot in the back, Jaehyun’s fingers from his free hand click the buttons of Ten’s car keys, One of the cars activates in perfect condition, lights flicking and beeping sonorously. And thank God, it’s right in front of you.

“Motherfucker, it’s a Ferrari.” Jaehyun marvels.

“Jaehyun, we gotta go!” You rush inside the shotgun, conscious of who may find the both of you.

It’s not a surprise that the journalists got ahold of your speeding departure since you have to drive out in front of the church to get away from it. Even if Ten’s windows were tinted so no one can detect who was inside, the guests finally vacated from the building and told their own versions of what unfolded in the supposed Kim-Lee union.

And while the news are brewing and buzzing, you and Jaehyun have absolutely no idea where to drive off to.

“That was insane!” You burst out. The adrenaline rush of it all still raced your veins, while Jaehyun’s attention is firm at the road ahead of him. “I never felt or done anything like this!”

He chuckles as his fingers retract to your hand again, lifting it to kiss the top. “You’ve turned into a bad girl, baby. What are we gonna do about that?”

“Would living a new, happier life for ourselves be the best way to avenge everything they’ve done to us?” You suggest. “I know we’ve been through a lot, but I was no better for letting you walk out like that without a proper fight for our love.”

Jaehyun sighs from the painful memory. “And I understood why you did. I had no right to pressure you into something so drastic when your family has already stressed you out enough.”

“But still!” You acclaim. “You’ve always fought for us, so I should’ve done the same before all of this happened.”

“So, you must truly love me.” Jaehyun attempts to lighten up the mood. Reaching a red light, he tilts his body to face you. Even after being chased down, he remains ever ethereal as beads of sweat rest on his brows and his once-perfectly done hair is crazily tousled.

“If I didn’t, I would’ve never caused a scene especially with God watching us.” You lean a little closer to him, resting both of your hands on his shoulders. If not for the car handle blocking you, you’d be sitting on his lap. “Because He sent you to me as a blessing. Not a curse from the devil, but a blessing who taught me to be brave and never take anyone’s shit.”

“Cursing like this still feels so new to me, baby.” The glimmer in his eyes darken with desire, moving closer to your lips.

“Better get used to it, sweetheart.” Merely inches left, your lips teasingly brush his. “It’s you and me until the end of the time.”

The confidence of your tone was met with the element of surprise when Jaehyun’s lips finally planted on yours. Your sultry yet romantic-filled words put all his senses of haywire, as if you bewitched him with your everlasting charms. Your lips curve into a smile as they part so his tongue can slide in. The taste of his favorite mint candy mellow your nerves down, easing you back to a calmer state of mind.

How you missed his touch.

How you missed his presence.

How you missed him, and everything that goes along with it.

As passionate as your affections are at the moment, it’s only to be interrupted by the loud, irritated honks from the vehicles behind you.

The red light has now turned green.

The two of you can only laugh in embarrassment, like two horny teenagers caught by their headmasters. Yet the youthful energy you both radiate remains. Jaehyun holds your hand again before stepping on the engine, rubbing the sides of your thumb.

“Oh, baby. I’d be more than glad to be sinfully vowed to you.”

5 YEARS LATER.

Jeong Estates and Co. secured the highest rank of top real estate companies within Seoul.

This wouldn’t be made possible if not for Krystal Jeong, second in line at the Jeong family business. One of the Jeong cousins rather. No bitter feelings she felt on getting the job. In fact, she’s more than ecstatic to acclaim the highest position in their clan. As for Sungchan, he just entered law school in high hopes of taking over his mother’s law firm. But only years after taking the bar exam then starting for the bottom up. Often times, he secretly gives his older brother a call on his burner phone or vice versa. No matter what, they are still brothers. Heck, highly urged him to chase after you when he found out the truth behind his older brother’s love for you.

Lee Properties, the real estate company of Lee Corporation, are more focused on expanding their branches across the world. Ranking no longer mattered, as long as the quality of their work constantly. Mark, under the guidance of Taeyong and Ten in the beginning, took over the company. Thanks to the three, they branched out to the US, UK, and Japan. Family-wise, the 5 brothers isolated themselves from their parents since that day. Everything has become business for them. Because they refuse to be associated with people responsible for the almost-downfall of their only sister.

The general feud between families remain unsolved, even after the mayhem of the failed wedding. Although there have been are rumors circulating that the brothers of each family made amends, but nothing has been confirmed. The tension intensified, and no dares to get in their loop.

People who work in media make sure to never put them in the same room for interviews or events. People working in their companies dare not to speak of the enemy company. Anyone who’s within the presence of any family member can only bow their head and pray they don’t get called out.

Most of all, everyone goes silent of the forbidden romance built between their each of their children.

That’s the thing with the Lees and Jeongs: they’re old-money royalty with filthy history. If you get in their way, might as well say goodbye to everything you worked hard for.

That’s how powerful they are.

Yet only two people defied all the odds.

Speaking of them, where do you and Jaehyun stand?

“I’m home!” Jaehyun greets loudly as he opens the door. He drops off his satchel of tools by the doorstep, removing his dirty loafers and switching to house slippers.

“In the kitchen!” You respond. Just in time for dinner, you love how prompt he is.

From behind, warm yet sweaty arms wrap around your waist. He must’ve had a long day, especially when he was gone the moment you woke up. But it’s not much of a worry since you also had a early start that day.

“Smells good here.” Jaehyun’s chin tucks on your shoulder. “What are we having tonight?”

“Homemade ravioli as a gift from Francesca next door,” You continue stirring the aromatic pan. “With tomato sauce made by me.”

“Delicious.” He sniffs. “I missed you.”

You giggle from his short kiss on your cheek. “I missed you too, but you reek off sweat.”

“When am I not?” He teases. “Gotta earn to maintain this roof on top of our heads.”

“Keep that habit up, or someone else here might make me vomit like last time.” Your free hand lowers his hands to the bump of your swelling stomach. Perhaps only now did you believe that there is one when it used to be slightly flatter.

“Speaking of which,” He rubs it gently. “How’s she today? No trouble?”

“Thankfully, no.” You turn the stove off, satisfied with the finished dish. Turning around, your hands situate themselves on your lower back. A new habit since your body has been adjusting to all these new changes. “I’m confident the nausea is subsiding, but now my feet hurt like crazy.”

“My love,” Jaehyun coos, caging you in his arms. “How about I take a quick shower, enjoy this meal you made, then give you a foot massage?”

“Oh yes, that sounds divine.” You hum, pecking his lips. “Now get off me. You seriously stink as fuck.”

So much for your mood swings, Jaehyun chuckles as he makes his way to the bathroom of your master bedroom. You roll your eyes st the playful man while you prepare the dining table. Yet you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Life ever since that crazy day became more peaceful and joyful. Freeing to retake the control you have over your life, whilst sharing it with the man you truly love.

For a couple of months, you and Jaehyun resided in a private cottage somewhere deep in Jeju Island. Only he knew of its existence because he himself built it from the ground up. Formerly in the real estate, he’s always had an interest for architecture. But instead of picking that major in college (because his parents were against it), he studied elsewhere with his own money. It clearly paid off as it gave the two of you the perfect hideaway from all the drama.

And led the most memorable of nights in your shared bedroom, especially you finally confessed your deepest desire of him fully taking your purity away. Sure, virginity is a social construct but you trusted Jaehyun with your life. After everything you’ve been through together, how can you not?

One kiss is all it took before he had you squirming and moaning on his cock, thrusting and hitting your sweet spots. His words of praise in every movement led you one step closer to heave. You see, heaven wasn’t just a place you go to when you die in good spirits. But it can be through a person.

And his name was Jeong Jaehyun.

Physically, your body turned sore the following day. But emotionally, you’re thrilled. He took good care of you like the passionate lover he is, but that’s bare minimum. We shouldn’t celebrate those things, though there’s something unique about it when Jaehyun carrying you to a warm tub and feeding you your favorite homemade meals that very day. To make up for hitting it too hard, he egotistically claims.

But can you blame him?

Exactly.

Later on, the two of you permanently migrated to the countryside area of Italy. Having loved the quiet side of Jeju Island whilst craving a new adventure, Europe took an interest to the both of you. Italy became your top choice if not for having individual traveling experiences there. And how you equally enjoyed its culture and aura.

Thus, you wanted to create more memories together and start anew. And by that, you and him rented an apartment within Tuscany and worked different jobs from your university majors.

From being a business management major, you became an English teacher at the local elementary school. You enjoyed taking care of children, teaching them all new things and encouraging them to be their best selves. There are also times you walk some of them home if their parents cannot fetch them. Holding your hand so they avoid any cars passing by, your heart is full when they obey and tell you all sorts of imaginative tales. You adore their curiosity, and you always make sure to be the best role model you can be.

From majoring in finance, Jaehyun ventured into construction and architecture. He was always hands on, conceptualizing and building all sorts of things for other people’s needs. It’s a plus that he’s always followed an active lifestyle, his muscles making it easier to bring those things to different destinations. The big boss of the business he works for can rely him on him big time, saving money on gas for the moving truck. So it’s no surprises girls attempt to throw themselves at him for his looks and strength. But it’s nothing you worry about.

Because at the end of the day, it’s still you he comes home to you. And makes you come until all the stars of the universe are within your periphery.

With all the money you both earn (and pawning your unnecessary designer items), it eventually becomes enough for two things: building a new house and your wedding.

There’s a piece of land Jaehyun’s boss gifted him as gratitude for expanding his business, which is near one of his beloved vineyards. Since that day, Jaehyun devoted time and effort to build your dream home. With some help with friends he made from work.

It meant sacrificing alone time with him, which did strike an argument or two. But it’s nothing too big you couldn’t resolve. Because you’re both sure that his efforts are going to be worth it.

And how beautiful the final output was. Modern with a rustic feel, there were 3 floors to your entire home. With a patio, there’s also a garden of various flowers and crops you and Jaehyun planted during the construction process. And now, they’re finally coming in full bloom this time around. After that, you can see the various vineyards which trails to the best view of the sunset.

Quite the villa, you two have. It has everyone in town wanting to take a visit whenever they can and how inviting you’d be to all of them for special occasions.

Upon tradition, the whole home was blessed by the priest before you fully moved in. And boy, nothing could hold you back from running through every furnished floor, only to hold and kiss your man for a job well done. But the mood became heated as his hands cup your butt and lifted you up as he lead you to your master bedroom.

Your wedding came shortly after. It was held at a small chapel within Tuscany, with locals you’ve befriended over time, your brothers, and Sungchan.

Yes, they accepted your private invitations and made sure not to disclose this event to anyone back home. Most especially, both of your parents.

You and Jaehyun feared your brothers wouldn’t get along the slightest. Initially, there was tension when you invited them to dinner at your new home. Mark, Haechan, and Ten inspected with Sungchan with suspicion, while the younger boy returns the judgmental loo. Jeno and Taeyong, on the other hand, fell silent as they didn’t want to utter a word at him.

Accepting Jaehyun took a while, so what more with Sungchan? He was outnumbered by your 5 prideful brothers, and based on the tales of your then fiancé, he was a good boy.

“Yah.” It was your sharp voice that cuts the tense air, which was a new experience for everyone. In fact, they’re all getting used to your newfound voice that’ll slice and dice anyone that disrespects you. “If you are all going to act like children, we’ll turn out m like our parents and those before. We’ll never end our feud, and hurt more people we love.”

“Whatever problems you have with each other, sort that shit out right now. Or we can kick you out, where the nearest motel is 4 hours away.”

So yes, you may have threatened them. But it does spark change within both families, especially when Jeno opened up about his interest for the law firm under Lee Corporation. He was in 2nd year of law school that time.

Instead of thinking as competition, Sungchan started up about his life as a freshman because it turns out that they’re studying in same school. Eventually, Mark and Taeyong came around to talk about their hobbies. And as for Haechan and Ten, they were responsible for filling up everyone’s wine glasses until everyone passed out in the living room.

You’re merely lucky how the wedding was still a week and a half away. But mostly, new friendships were made and you’re certain this will cause a major shift in the feud.

And finally, as you and Jaehyun said “I do” and sealed a kiss in front of your loved ones, off to your honeymoon you go. Funded by Taeyong and Ten (which you failed to reject out of embarrassment), you and Jaehyun went to your favorite Italian city: Milan. The both of you spent all the cash they gave to your heart’s content after putting them into your home and wedding, exploring the designer stores and shops of the locals.

With the former, it made you reminisce your younger self. The one who was so naïve to everything while she threw the money from mommy and daddy’s credit cards on bags and clothes. But now, designer items are just items with an esteemed name. Their worth is nothing compared to the culture of the locals back in Tuscany, and the love you continue to grow with Jaehyun.

It’s no wonder that over time, that same love eventually created something magical.

And it came in the form of your unborn child that you fiercely carry. It’s only like yesterday when you and Jaehyun anticipated in your bedroom for the tests you took. This came to be after your period not arriving, the weird food combinations you consume, and your mood swings being out of this world. Or that’s at least what Jaehyun shared, but he can be quite overdramatic at times.

As we return to the present time, you caress your hard tummy that holds so much life. How you feel the smallest flutter of your daughter as she continues to grow or the first time you heard her heart beat in the monitor. It still makes your heart soar when the doctor confirmed the gender of your baby. In a world of boys, another girl just like you made you feel complete. With Jaehyun, he’d have a little girl he can take to all sorts of adventures and dance around with.

Heck, he already made the crib from scratch from his excitement and cleared out one of your guest rooms for the baby. If that doesn’t soften your heart, you didn’t know what will. He’s always had a fondness for kids, especially with your profession. And now, the both of you shall have your own to take care and love.

5 months down, 4 more to go.

You lay on your back on the couch, resting your head by the edge. Your fingers skim through an open book as Jaehyun’s hands work their magic to relieve the constant ache of your feet.

“What matters most are the simple pleasures so abundant that we can all enjoy them...” You read aloud the text of your precious novel. The baby enjoyed being read to, whether it be from your or Jaehyun. Meanwhile, the mentioned man listens along as it is one of his childhood favorites. “Happiness doesn’t lie in the objects we gather around us. To find it, all we need to do is open our ey-”

A strong set of kicks to your gut interrupts your reading, a loud groan leaving your lips. Jaehyun’s alert to help you out, clutching on your stomach as you try to sit upright.

“What happened?” Jaehyun chides. “Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”

“She…” Your eyes begin to well up. “She’s kicking for the first time.”

The baby wildly makes her presence known as she remains persistent in her actions. Stunned, your hands find Jaehyun’s and place them on your stomach. This has never happened to either you, and both of you wanted to treasure the moment.

Your husband keeps quiet upon his amazement in feeling his small feet of his baby girl. He smiles, changing his hand positions to find her in your womb. It’s almost like you’re raising 2 kids.

“That tickles, Jae!” You squeal, readjusting your stance. Back pain is becoming a bitch lately.

“Does it hurt?” His hands stay put in one spot near your belly button, where your daughter enjoyed to play around the most.

You give a tight-lipped smile. “Not really, but now it’s a bit bothersome.”

“Oh no…” He says with worry, head leaning near your tummy to speak to your daughter. “Baby, don’t hurt your mommy. She makes sure you’re strong and well, so be nice, okay?”

You gush from his words. Your mind is elated to create future scenarios of their father-daughter bonding, something you wish you had more of when you were younger. But you know your husband, the family guy he’s become. Because you both made an oath to never become your parents, to be better and wiser.

Finally, the kicks weakened and felt your daughter rest on one corner of your tummy. By this time, she’s fallen asleep. And by her actions, it exhausted you as well as her unofficial punching bag. Jaehyun, who was bound to resume his massaging, catches you yawn and stretch your arms out.

“Tired?” He asks, and you nod.

“I think I’ll continue reading the book tomorrow.” You close your beloved copy of the Little Prince, and pull your feet off from your husband’s lap.

“Wait.” He stops you, standing up before you do.

You quirk a brow. “Yes, babe?”

“There’s no way you’re walking up the stairs with sore feet.” Suddenly, he lifts you off the couch as he carries you bridal style. You shriek with shock, but not loud enough to disturb your baby.

“Jaehyun! Put me down!” He shakes his head. “Am I not heavy? I’m carrying your child after all.”

“Nothing will be heavy enough when it comes to you and our baby.” He reassures. “Now, let’s get both of you to bed, hmm?”

Refusing his advances would be an endless fight, so you concede the moment you nuzzle your head on his chest. Fresh laundry, his scent fills your nostrils. You loved the warmth when he’s close to you like this, nearly dozing off when he walks up the stairs. He was your home, and you don’t ever want to leave him.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, is enamored by you each passing day. He witnessed all your good and bad times, the latter especially as they eventually led to the better days of your shared life. He didn’t want to admit how afraid he was when you two eloped from everyone, but you’ve always known. He didn’t have to tell you because you put in your own efforts to make him feel at bay. That it’s okay to feel vulnerable, that it’s okay to take risks. Because you were both in this together, that’s in the vows you unofficially said back in Jeju Island and reiterated in your actual wedding.

Another thing Jaehyun loved about you was this endless glow when you’re passionate about your job at the school, stand up for yourself, and express true joy from the small, finer things in life. But there came a unique kind glow you embodied since you told him the news of your pregnancy.

It was a major step in any loving relationship, and if there’s anyone he’d experience it with, he’s blessed that it’s with you. Like he once said when you were younger, you are God’s favorite angel.

When he gently lays you down on your side of the bed, catching how your eyelids effortlessly fell down, he kisses your forehead. “Good night, angel.”

As he rests on the opposite side, your hand finds his chest.

“Jae.”

Surprised, he moves to face your side. Your lids may be droopy, but you had extra strength to carress his cheek with the same hand. Under the moonlight from your balcony doors, he looked effortlessly beautiful. Even with some greying hairs on his nape, wrinkles forming in his forehead, and eyebags darkening from his restless nights, your heart is full of love for him. Whether it’s from your hormones acting up or not, that’s never going to change.

He's a representation of your bravery, and how glad you are to take on the challenge to push for your love.

Because in the end, it all worked out like you both wanted.

“Hmm, baby?” His hand cup yours.

“Thank you for not giving up on me.” You place his other hand on your tummy again. “On us.”

“Thank you for fighting for our love, for showing those who doubted us that it has a place in our world.” Jaehyun shares an endearing smile, paving a way for his remarkable dimples. Some things don’t age, like your youthful souls. Ever so daring and adventurous, parenthood doesn’t sound like such a bad idea if it’s two of you embarking on it together.

“Even if it almost earned a punch from my dad?” The once-frightening memory earns a chuckle from both your lips. Little did your younger selves know what they’d face after.

“What can I say? I meant every word I say then, to be put in his place.” He defends. “And you know what else I meant that day?”

“Enlighten me.”

Oh, you can only feel real happiness and gratitude for the man in front of you. He is a man of his word, and proved endlessly with his actions. And he shall continue to do so for the rest of your lives.

“I’d be more than glad to be sinfully vowed to you, (Y/N). Forever and always.”

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andreafmn · 1 year

Text

In the Heat of the Moment | Part 6

Word Count: 9.7K

Pairing: Jake Sully x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader, Neteyam x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Story Description: Every month female Omatikayans go through their heat whilst men go through their rut. It’s a time for mates to engage in the most animalistic desires. But when one of the two is gone, it can be a rather painstaking endeavor. With Neteyam gone on a hunting trip, (Y/N) has to go through her heat alone for the first time. Or does she?

Warnings: SMUT (+18, minors DNI), infidelity, p in v sex, face riding, oral (fem and male receiving), very vanilla sex, feels [also: cringe use of the words -> make love to me; sorry but they fit the story 😬]

A/N: read at the end of the story for this last part😬😬 I meant to post this a lot earlier than this but I overexerted myself and had a flare-up that took up a lot of my day, but it's here, it's long, and it might break and mend your heart. Hope you enjoy, and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts to support me and my love of writing or buy me a coffee

Dedicated to every single person that read, liked, or reblogged this story! It was such a joy to write and I will miss it💖

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In the Heat of the Moment | Part 6

That split second felt too short as the glistening rays of the sun shone on Jake’s eyes. He stirred awake, careful of the body that was cuddled on his. She was still asleep and he did not dare to wake her. Not just yet.

Her eyelids fluttered as her mind played dreams in her head. She looked peaceful, magnificent, divine. And most importantly, she was still in his arms. (Y/N) belonged to no other man but him. Under the sunlight and the watchful eye of the Tree of Souls, she was his.

He traced her body with his fingers, barely touching her skin, afraid to wake her. Jake followed the expanse of her skin. From her delicate shoulders to the side of her chest, to the dip of her waist, to the mountain of her hip. Every part of her that he had claimed for himself, but could never truly be his.

Jake had known from the moment he entered (Y/N)’s nest that night that he could never go back. That she would be the reason for his undoing, dismantling everything he has carefully built with a simple touch. There was no more a beginning or end of who he was with her, he now simply was. He belonged to her, never the other way around.

Deep down, he knew it would never be that way. Belonging to someone meant giving your entire being to someone, even if they wouldn’t give you theirs. And that’s what he’d done with (Y/N), he’d given everything he was to someone that already belonged to another — he thought he had done the same many years before.

For that moment, though, he could trick himself into believing she has chosen him. As he stared at her sleeping figure in his arms, he allowed himself to believe that from that night forward they belonged to each other. Maybe then what he was feeling would not be wrong. Even if he hadn’t been her sign, she was his.

She stirred beside him as sleep left her body. She turned to face him, staring at him through hooded eyes, and she smiled. A smile so bright he felt it warm his body, more than the sun itself.

“You look as radiant as ever, sevin,” he smiled, caressing and cradling his cheek with his hand. “How did you sleep?”

“Too comfortably,” she chuckled. “It’s the last day.”

The lingering timer that had been following them since the first day showed, in glowing red numbers, that they had less than twenty-four hours until their world would reset. Every decision they had made would be buried, deeper than six feet under ground. It would be hidden in the deepest, darkest parts of their souls and they would carry it with them for the rest of their lives.

“You’re right,” he sighed. “But we still have tonight, and I’m gonna make sure it’s a night you’ll never forget, baby girl.”

“But what happens after, Jake?” (Y/N) looked at him with pleading eyes. “What will happen to us — this — after tonight?”

“We’ll pretend it never happened. We will carry this with us for the rest of our lives,” he said, sadness slipping through his voice. “But we can look back to these moments with fondness and excitement. We will dream about it, we will daydream and pretend. We will be the only ones to know. It will be the souvenir of our time.”

“Do you think that is possible?” Her yellow eyes stared into his, tears pooling at the corners as her lower lip quivered. “To live with what we’ve done as if we didn’t… do what we did. Could you live with that?”

“I could,” he responded quickly, no qualms in his voice. “Because I don’t regret a single thing that has happened between you and me, and I never will. I can carry this because I will now and forever yearn for you.”

“Jake…” (Y/N) sat up, her hands landing comfortingly on his knee as he followed her suit.

“I probably know what you will say,” he smiled sadly. “But I don’t want to hear it until it’s absolutely necessary. Let me live in this fantasy where you do choose me and we run away together because nothing else matters. Let me just pretend for this last night that it’s me.”

(Y/N) remained quiet for a moment. It was the first time she was the one wiping away tears from the man’s face. And she finally understood why he didn’t feel burdened by their decisions. Jake did not believe this to be a mistake.

“I couldn’t possibly do that to you, Jake,” she spoke softly, her hand now the one cradling his cheek. “I can’t let you trick yourself into thinking that. It’ll hurt too much in the end. Maybe, last night should be the last time. If you’re feeling this way…”

“No, please,” he interrupted her. “One more night. That’s what we said. The last time and we’ll forget all about each other. Everything will go back to normal.”

“Could you do that? Forget all of this ever happened? Forget the way you feel… a-about me?”

“Don’t ask me questions you don’t want the answers to.” But her eyes pleaded for an answer. So, he lied. “Yes,” he responded sternly. “I can forget everything that happened.”

“Then I’ll see you tonight,” she breathed in relief before kissing him softly. “Right now, I must meet with Mo’at, and you must prepare for tomorrow’s arrival.”

“Can’t we just stay here for a couple more minutes?”

“You know we can’t,” she chuckled. “Now, up you go. We have work to do today. I know you can hold off until tonight.”

After they parted ways, (Y/N) felt herself implode. Her head was hazy and her stomach was in knots. She felt worry and concern dizzy her mind. She had never wanted for things to get so complicated, emotions to get entwined with the physicality of the moment.

By the grace of Eywa, her body walked the path to Mo’at’s tent. Her vision was blurred and her breathing was heavy. Jake’s confession had thrown her for a spin. With so few words, he had been able to crumble everything she believed.

She had gone to sleep trusting that he would give her the perfect solution to their problem. That she could end this journey unscathed and could go on with her life as if nothing had occurred. But he didn’t see it as one. Jake had seen this as an opportunity, and he’d continued to do so.

The last thing she wanted to do was hurt anyone. At first, she worried only about Neteyam and how he would react if he found out. But she never thought she had to worry about Jake as well. That he would be one of the people to be upset when this was finished. She thought their minds were aligned, but they couldn’t be further from each other.

“My child, are you alright?” Mo’at called the girl’s attention as she walked through the flaps of the entrance.

(Y/N) heard her voice far away, even though they were standing almost face-to-face. She tried to speak, but all the sounds got stuck in her throat. Her hands reached out to the woman, needing something —anything— to stabilize her.

Then everything went black.

She felt calm, at peace. Surrounded by nothing but darkness and no sense of impending doom. (Y/N) wanted to stay there. It was quiet and comfortable. And she didn’t have to face all the problems she had created for herself. Maybe if she tried hard enough, that’s where she could stay until everything magically resolved itself.

But a sour smell filled her nose and triggered her head to start waking.

(Y/N) fought it at first. She truly wanted to stay asleep. To forget the reality that she had made for herself. Yet, there was no way to keep running – she couldn’t. Life had a way to catch up whether she wanted it or not. Sooner or later, she would have to confess. At least to Neteyam.

Her eyes struggled to adjust to the light that flooded her. The warmth of the day was suddenly too overwhelming to her body. She felt suffocated and choked, her breathing staggered and haphazard. It almost felt like bile was threatening to escape her throat.

“Let it out, my child,” Mo’at cooed. She rubbed the girl’s back comfortingly as (Y/N) emptied the little contents of her stomach into a bowl. “Good, good. Let it all out.”

(Y/N) coughed as the acidic liquid passed through her. It sloshed in the receptacle beside her until she let out the last drop. She fell back onto the mat once she finished, slowly starting to feel better. She wiped away the beads of sweat that had formed on her forehead.

“Drink this,” the healer instructed. “It’ll help ease your stomach.”

“Thank you,” the girl smiled in relief after she downed the liquid that was handed to her. “I have no idea what came over me. I was feeling odd yesterday but nothing to warrant this reaction. I don’t understand.”

“You were dehydrated, my child. Exhaustion and dehydration.” As the woman spoke, a smile crept onto her face. A smile that the girl mistook for pity. “Well, there is another reason as well.”

“What is it? Is everything okay?” Worry took over her mind. Every worst-case scenario ran through her head. Maybe this was Eywa’s answer to her prayers. A well-deserved punishment. “Is something wrong?”

“On the contrary, (Y/N),” the woman beamed. She took the girl’s hands in hers as she braced for the information she was going to share. “These are news to celebrate.”

“Oh, then, what is it?”

“You are with child, (Y/N),” Mo’at said excitedly. “You are pregnant with the new heir of the Omatikaya clan. Congratulations, sweetheart.”

A breath hitched in (Y/N)’s throat as the word escaped the healer’s mouth. It took some time for her to process what Mo’at had said. It was almost unbelievable… had it not been for the past few days. If she hadn’t already emptied her stomach seconds before, she was sure she would be doing so at that moment.

Her hands flew unconsciously to her stomach. Inside, there was a life growing. A life that four days before had no chance of existing. She felt conflicted. Without Jake, there wouldn’t have been cells multiplying inside her. Regardless, it was happening. Her firstborn.

“There’s a baby growing in here?” (Y/N) worded it as a question, but she knew it was a fact. “I’m going to be a mom.”

“You are,” Mo’at simpered. “You and Neteyam will be magnificent parents. This child will be brought into a home of love and warmth. They will be strong and talented, just like their parents. This is a blessing from Eywa, my child. She had answered our prayers.”

“Could you keep this a secret until Neteyam comes back?” the girl blurted. Tears were stinging the back of her eyes, threatening to spill as she felt herself coming loose by the seams. “I want him to hear the news from me. Once he knows, we will announce it to the village.”

“That is completely understandable. A child is a gift to new couples. I understand wanting to relish in this new life by yourselves,” she said. “Consider my lips closed.”

“Thank you, Mo’at.”

“Why don’t you take the rest of the afternoon off,” the woman continued. “You need the rest.”

“That would be splendid,” the girl forced a smile. “I will say I am still a bit tired.”

“Of course, my child.” Mo’at helped her up and walked her to the entrance, leaving in her hands a net filled with utumauti and a vial of water. “Congratulations again, (Y/N). May Eywa continue blessing you.”

(Y/N) couldn’t leave the tent faster. As soon as the woman disappeared back into the healing tent, the girl took off running. Her mind was going a million miles an hour, faster than any day before. She was unraveling as everything in her world came tumbling down.

She knew the chances of this happening were high, but she never imagined it would happen. Not this quickly. Neteyam and her had been trying for a whole year, and by the grace of Eywa, his father had done the impossible in a couple of days.

“Maybe it’s not in our journey to have children,” (Y/N) had told Neteyam one night, a week before he left. “Maybe it’s not Eywa’s will for us.”

He had ran his hands through her hair, brushing it comfortingly as she rested her head on his chest. “Maybe,” he echoed, kissing the top of her head. “Doesn’t mean we can’t keep trying.”

“Neteyam,” she chuckled.

“There’s the laugh I was looking for,” he responded. “It’s not like the family name ends with us. We can leave the creation of heirs to Lo’ak. It’s about time he finds himself a mate.”

“I don’t think I could even imagine your brother settling down. He’s only a year younger than us but he’s so childlike.”

“It doesn’t matter, though,” he boasted. “I’ve got the best woman already.”

Worry swirled and hooked its claws into her soul. The very fiber of the morals and rules she had been brought up on had been dismantled by the pleasurable feeling of fulfilled carnal desires. The overwhelming sensation of feeling her body be taken apart and put back together through kisses and touches were far greater than reason. And it was hard to let go of it.

Everything came into hyperfocus as she sped through the village in search of one man.

Leaves crunched under her feet, loudly cracking under her quick steps yelling who she searched for. The wind whistled in her ears, whispering all of her mistakes and wrongdoings. She tried to quiet the air, afraid that everyone would know what had happened. But how does one quiet nature?

Her eyes blurred over as they focused only on one face, everyone around her merely a blue body in her way. Her voice was asking for his name, but her ears could not hear it. Her hands reached for others, but she couldn’t feel them. She knew her body was moving, that her legs were transporting her, but the normal burn that accompanied the movement never came.

She thought maybe that’s how it felt to be a dream walker. Things happened to your body but it didn’t entirely feel like it was real. She felt as though someone else was in control of her body as her mind watched it all unfold.

Tears pricked at her eyes and (Y/N) had no idea when she had started to cry. But now, she was more than aware of the streams that fell down her cheeks, falling to the ground as she moved. It made her lungs ache as strangled sobs escaped her at the same time she tried to breathe. The rash influx of every emotion drowned her quickly, taking with them whatever thread was holding her to sanity.

Suddenly, she crashed into a body and strong arms steadied her. Yet, her eyes could not focus on the figure that held her. All she could do was hold on as her eyes continued their downpour and her lungs pleaded for more air.

“(Y/N),” they called. The voice felt familiar but so far she could not decipher who it was.” (Y/N). What’s wrong, baby girl? Talk to me.”

She took a whizzing breath in, the air eating at her bronchioles. Still, she had found him. Somehow in her blinding haze, she had found the only person she could confess all her sins to. The only man that knew the darkest thing she had done because he had been right alongside her to do them.

In her silence, or rather her futile attempt at speaking, he pulled her from the center. There were too many people and he was sure he knew what was weighing heavy on her heart. It had her panicking once more, trying to cogitate the immorality of their choices.

He felt bad that she was carrying the whole burden of their wrongdoings on her shoulders whilst he was simply glad he had been able to have the moments they shared. Jake wished he could take all the worry from her brain and carry it himself, untether her from any and all bad sentiments that had planted themselves in her because of him. Because she deserved only happiness and joy to course through her veins.

“Alright, sweetheart,” he spoke softly. “Breathe with me. Okay? I need you to breathe, beautiful.”

He placed a comforting hand on her cheek, forcing her eyes to focus on him. He emulated the breathing pattern he wanted her to follow, breathing deeply in through his nose and out through his mouth. He established an easy rhythm allowing her to follow in tandem.

Their chests rose and fell at the same pace soon enough. The girl settled as she stared into the yellow irises of her father-in-law – now, the biological father of the baby that would grow inside her. She envied his calmness. How he could remain collected as she felt their world was crumbling down around them?

Her fingers dug into his arm softly, needing the reminder that she was there. That she was in control of her body again. She needed tangible evidence that Jake was standing in front of her and she could breathe again. She could breathe.

Breathe.

“What is it, baby girl? Huh?” Jake cooed at her. His thumbs caressed her face and memorized the way her eyes fluttered as she melted into his touch. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I-I,” she stammered. “I just… Mo’at… and now…”

The words were stuck in her throat, clawing at the walls, unwilling to spill out. She could feel as they tried to climb down and settle in the deepest parts of her soul. To join the other secrets that had made their home inside her.

“Just breathe, (Y/N). Tell me what’s wrong.”

Unexpectedly, a commotion broke out in the village center. The sounds were unmistakable. Ululations and screams of excitement rang out as the sounds of the flap of various ikrans’ wings filtered through the air.

The hunting party. They were home early.

Panic flashed in her eyes as every plan they had crashed into the ground. They were supposed to have one more night, less than twenty-four hours to give themselves closure. They had allowed themselves one more night to live in their fantasy and shut the book for good.

“It’s okay,” Jake smiled comfortingly as he cleaned her face of any tears. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

He kissed her forehead before they went separate ways, emerging nto the center by themselves, ready to put on the biggest performance of their lives.

A group of ten ikrans descended from the sky and landed gracefully on the ground as the tribe cheered for the group of hunters that had come back home. The younger Omatikayas were the first to dismount, their excitement spilling out of them as they searched for their families. Their voices muddled as they recounted stories from the trip, the thrill of their first hunting expedition.

Suddenly, two more banshees thudded against the hard ground. The duo was unmistakable and, easily, the biggest animals of the group. Between their claws, they carried a net that had landed before them. A net that held a massive srakat, the prized kill of the hunt party.

Neytiri was the first one off her ikran, flashing the tribe a massive grin as her eyes searched for her family. She nodded toward (Y/N) as her eyes met hers, and the girl swallowed as she returned a smile. But once her gaze fell on her husband’s, her smile grew. The woman raced toward Jake, wrapping her arms tightly around her neck. She pulled him toward her tightly, basking in the warmth of her mate, the man she had missed deeply the time she was away. Unaware of how little he had missed her.

She was followed by her first son. Neteyam pushed himself off his banshee and his eyes quickly found the eyes of his love. He hurried toward her, ignoring the people that tried to congratulate him on his hunt. He had one thing, and only one thing, on his mind. And it was her, it was always her.

“(Y/N),” he breathed as he reached her. “Eywa, how I missed you.”

He placed his hands gingerly on the sides of her face and pulled her to him. Neteyam crashed her lips onto her, trying to convey through the kiss just how much he had missed her. Then, his arms fell from her face to her waist as he twirled her in a tight embrace.

And though her heart was with him at that moment, feeling as though her being was complete, her eyes were focused on someone else. They were trained on Jake as everything flashed in her head. The yellow irises held all the panic and worry she had been expressing the past few days. They searched his eyes for any sign that everything would resolve itself. That in their silence, life could simply go on.

“I’ve missed you too, darling,” she whispered to him. “You have no idea how much.”

Neteyam pulled apart from her, needing to stare into his wife’s eyes, and found tears falling down her cheeks. “Oh, baby, I’m here now,” he smiled as his thumb wiped away the streaks on her skin. “And I’m not leaving you ever again.”

He kissed her once more on the lips, then the corners of her eyes. His fingers traced the features of her face as if it was the very first time that he had seen her. He studied the lines and dots on her skin, he studied the amber in her eyes, he studied the soft skin of her lips. She was as beautiful as the first time he had seen her.

“Tonight we celebrate these young hunter’s first prey,” Jake’s voice boomed across the air, calling the focus of every single person in attendance. “ We also celebrate, my son, Neteyam’s courage as he faced a srakat and brought it home. Tonight, we feast!”

All hands were on deck. The tribe got to work to prepare the center for a revelry. Some started preparations for the food – the hunted meat as well as fruits, vegetables, and fungi to serve with it. Others started building a bonfire where later in the evening the young hunters would retell their stories facing their first mark. They would dance and celebrate, and everything would be perfect. No one would find out the indiscretions of the chief and his daughter-in-law.

But (Y/N) would and it was already eating at her from the inside out. She helped to the best of her abilities in the preparation of the food as well as the clearing of the village center where the bonfire was being set up. But dread squeezed her heart every time Neteyam would sneak a glance at her and would smirk, or when his hand traced her hip when he passed by her, or when he whispered into her ears that they would have their own kind of celebration after the feast.

She felt the air leave her lungs every time he was near her with his loving touches and teasing words, with his glances filled with adoration and his mouth spread in a smile. It broke her, how he could continue to love her as she was without knowing what she had done. Living with the secret would end her, but she didn’t know how she could confess. Not when he looked at her the way he did.

Her head was spinning once more. Even more so surrounded by people celebrating her husband and telling her how lucky she was to have Neteyam for a mate. (Y/N) knew she was lucky. She knew she had struck gold when they had chosen each other as partners. That being with him granted her stature and respect, and that there was no better option for her than him. And four nights of pleasure could take that all away.

The sun had already set, and the chill of the night was starting to set. Music swirled through the air, mixed with the joyous voices of the Omatikaya and the mouth-watering smells of the food. That night was a sight to behold. The clan joined as they rejoiced and celebrated the up-and-comers and the future Olo’eyktan.

(Y/N) could not celebrate, though. Not without having a plan. Not until she had a way to continue with her life, with her child’s life. She could not continue with the farçe until everything was laid on the table with the person she had started this.

Her eyes met his across the bonfire and she motioned for him to join her. From the distance, he could see her eyes were reddened and tears were threatening to spill once more. Jake wanted nothing more than to run to her, wrap her in his arms, and tell her that there was nothing for her to worry about. But he couldn’t. Not in front of the village… not in front of his wife.

As (Y/N) started to walk away, getting lost in the sea of people, he knew exactly where she was going. He kissed Neytiri’s cheek and excused himself, claiming he would be going around to talk to the families of each of the new hunters. She smiled in return, continuing to speak with another woman.

Disappearing between the people as the girl had done proved to not be difficult. Everyone was moving around, impossible to keep still. It was a celebration at the end of the day. He followed the step he knew she had taken, walking slyly down the path. It had become second nature to him, the journey to his salvation.

Jake could hear her sniffling before he entered the tent and he felt his heart sink. Her pain destroyed him, and him being the reason for it finished him. Happiness was all he ever wanted for her, even if it wasn’t with him – though he hoped that she would want it with him. A small part of him still prayed that she chose him in the end.

“What’s wrong, baby girl?” he cooed as soon as he entered the nest. “What did you have to say?”

“I’m scared, Jake,” she croaked out. “Things have gotten so messed up and I don’t know what to do. I’m so lost. And now…”

“What happened, (Y/N)? What’s changed since this morning?”

The same panic that had overtaken her hours before pinched her insides. It cut off her air supply and she felt herself growing faint. But she couldn’t keep running. Not anymore. Not when there were no more nights to wait for, no more mornings to sleep on it. She had to do it here and now.

“I had been feeling sort of ill since yesterday, but it was nothing to worry about,” she started. “This morning, when I got the healing tent, I fainted.”

“Are you okay? Mo’at didn’t say anything.”

“Everything’s okay. It was only dehydration and exhaustion,” she calmed him. (Y/N) stared at her fingers, suddenly far more interesting than holding Jake’s line of sight. “But she did tell me some news.”

“(Y/N), please,” he groaned. “You’re killing me here.”

“She told me I was pregnant, Jake,” she whimpered. “And I’m certain that it’s your child.”

Silence fell upon them and (Y/N) was sure he would curse her out. That what he had promised the first night they had been together, had spilled out in the heat of the moment. That everything they had gone through had been done simply in the heat of the moment.

Instead, he planted a passionate kiss on her lips and twirled her in an embrace. He peppered her face with kisses, tasting in his lips the saltiness of her tears. He kissed until there was nothing left and his mouth to her neck, where he kissed until she laughed.

“Jake,” she chuckled. “Jake, stop.”

“Here,” he said, placing a hand on the valley of her stomach. “It’s my child.”

“Yes, Jake,” she smiled sadly. “And this is not something I can hide from anyone. This is not something I can hide from Neteyam.”

He could see the despair in her eyes and once more he wished he was the one carrying all that guilt. He wanted his eyes to be the ones crying those tears for her. He wanted his heart to feel the pang of fear hers did. He wanted all the pain to be felt by him, and only him.

“Then, let’s run away,” he blurted. “Let’s leave right now. Just you, me, and our baby.”

“No, Jake. That’s not the solution. You can’t do that to your family – your children. And I can’t do that to Neteyam,” she cried. “I’ll just have to tell him the truth and… I don’t know, hope.”

“What happens if he rejects you, (Y/N)? What happens if Neteyam can’t live with what we’ve done and casts you aside?”

“Then, I accept the consequences of my actions. It wouldn’t be wrong of him to do so.”

“But I’m giving you a way to not have to go through more pain, sevin,” he countered. “I’m giving you an easy escape here. A way for us to be together without any trouble – the three of us. Don’t you want that?”

“You already know what –who– I want, Jake. This should have never happened, and I should not have allowed this to go on for this long,” she responded. “I never meant for you to feel this way. Not about me. I thought…”

“Don’t ask me to regret this, (Y/N). Don’t ask me to repent over what happened between us,” he pleaded. His eyes kept searching hers for the answer he wanted. That, maybe, in the deepest parts of her soul, she wanted him just as much as he did. “Don’t ask me to give you up without a fight.”

“I was never yours to fight for, Jake. Not in the way you want,” she said. “I gave you my body in the most desperate time in my life, and for reasons beyond me, I kept giving it to you. But it was only that. I can’t give you my heart because it belongs to someone else.”

“He couldn’t even give you the one thing you wanted more in this world!” he cried. Tears fell from his eyes as desperation coursed through his veins. “You even told me he couldn’t touch you in the ways that you wanted. It was me, (Y/N). I showed you everything you could have. Everything you can still have. All you have to do is choose me.”

“And, what, you leave your family behind? Your children? Your wife? They don’t deserve that, Jake. They need you.”

“They have their mother and they’ll have their brother,” he retorted. “It can be as easy as that, (Y/N). You, me, and our baby against the world.”

“I can’t do that to them,” she lamented. “I can’t let you do that either.”

There was so much distress that surrounded them, clutching at their lungs and their hearts. There had been so many words unsaid, left for a later time, and they came bursting out. Neither of them wanted to hurt the other, to break their hearts. But they had tried too hard to keep things buried and they had festered for far too long.

“Then say it’s his,” he let out dryly. “Make him think the baby is his. And we can keep going as though nothing has happened. We will forget we were together –that it all started with your heat, devolving in more– and we will take it all to our graves that the child is mine. I can let go that you don’t want me, but I can’t lose you completely. I won’t let that happen.”

“I don’t want to keep lying to him, Jake. He deserves better than that –better than me.”

“There’s no one better than you, oeyä hì’i ‘awpo. If there was no Mother Goddess on my Earth, I’d believe it was you. If I had not met Eywa on this planet, I’d believe it was you,” he spoke in devotion. “So, please, grant me this prayer. And maybe I can go back to my life.”

(Y/N) kept quiet as she drank in his words. They pricked at her heart as she muttered her apologies to him quietly. She was breaking his heart, and she was hurting someone she cared for. “Alright,” she sighed. “I’ll tell him that the baby is his, and that will be the end of us.”

Though his heart had been shattered, Jake wanted nothing more than to be close to her again. They were supposed to have one more night together and he had the opportunity to do just that. He snaked his hands to her cheeks, committing to memory the warmth of her skin, and pressed his lips to hers.

“Jake,” she muttered against him. “You have to stop.”

“One more night,” he responded. “We were supposed to have one more night.”

“Stop, Jake,” she repeated as his kisses didn’t relent. “We don’t have one more night. It’s over.”

“Please, sevin. Just one more.”

“No, Jake. We can’t. You need to go.”

“Get your hands off my fucking wife,” a voice grumbled.

***

Neteyam had been searching for his wife for the better part of the bonfire, but no one had seen her in some time. He looked through the crowd twice, but could not find her beautiful face. The face he looked for in his darkest times, the face that brought her peace and solace with a simple look.

He was in love with her since the moment he knew what love was. He knew she was his past, his present, and his future. That nothing could ever push them apart.

“Yo, little bro, have you seen (Y/N)? I can’t find her anywhere.”

“Check your nest, dude. She’s probably there,” he waved him off, too engrossed in whatever game he was playing. “She’s been tired these past couple of days.”

“Alright, thanks.”

He ran in the direction of their tent, eager to find his wife in the privacy of their home. Hopefully, he’d find her still awake and they could have some private fun. He had spent six days without her and his body could feel it. His arousal had pent up and he needed to let it out. For the past few days, all he could do was think of (Y/N). The swell of her breasts, the dip of her waist, the rise of her hips, and the sweet, warm embrace of her insides.

It wasn’t just the physicality of the moment. He needed her like he needed to breathe. He needed to hear her laugh, to see her smile, to fall asleep in her arms, he needed all of her – heart, body, and soul. The same way he was sure she needed him too.

But he could have never imagined he would hear what he did when he reached the tent. A mind-shattering confession that made his blood boil.

“Then say it’s his,” Neteyam heard his father say. “Make him think the baby is his. And we can keep going as though nothing has happened. We will forget we were together –that it all started with your heat, devolving in more– and we will take it all to our graves that the child is mine. I can let go that you don’t want me, but I can’t lose you completely. I won’t let that happen.”

“I don’t want to keep lying to him, Jake. He deserves better than that –better than me.”

“There’s no one better than you, oeyä hì’i ‘awpo. If there was no Mother Goddess on my Earth, I’d believe it was you. If I had not met Eywa on this planet, I’d believe it was you,” his father spoke in devotion. “So, please, grant me this prayer. And maybe I can go back to my life.”

After a moment of silence, (Y/N) responded. “Alright,” she sighed. “I’ll tell him that the baby is his, and that will be the end of us.”

Then, he heard a kiss. Followed by another and another.

“Jake,” she muttered. “You have to stop.”

“One more night,” he responded. “We were supposed to have one more night.”

“Stop, Jake,” she repeated as his kisses didn’t relent. “We don’t have one more night. It’s over.”

“Please, sevin. Just one more.”

“No, Jake,” she cried. “ We can’t. You need to go.”

Neteyam couldn’t hold it in anymore and slipped into the tent. His hands were balled into fists and his teeth were gritted as he grumbles, “Get your hands off my fucking wife.”

(Y/N) and Jake startled and jumped apart, fear flashing through their eyes. This was it. Neteyam had found out the truth in the worst way possible and they were sure this was the end for the both of them.

Instead, he stepped between his wife and his father, a hand protectively in front of her. “I think she’s said her piece,” he said. “(Y/N) has asked you to leave.”

“What’re you gonna do, Neteyam?” Jake spoke. “Look, son, I don’t know what you think you’ve heard, but…”

“I heard that you fucked my wife,” he snarled. “That you took advantage of the fact that she was in heat to fuck her. And now she’s pregnant.”

“Nete,” she breathed. She placed a hand on his outstretched arm, making his head snap back, his eyes softening as he looked into hers.

“And… she had asked you to leave.”

“I won’t,” Jake dared. “That child she’s carrying is mine.”

“No, dad. It’s mine,” he growled. “Everything that happens to her, happens to me. Every fiber of her being belongs to me, just like I belong to her. Nothing that you did will ever erase that. You may have fathered this baby, but I’m the one that will raise them. I’m the one they will call father. That child is more mine than it will ever be yours.”

“(Y/N), please,” he pleaded to her. “We can…”

“Not another word, dad,” Neteyam spat. “Here’s what’s gonna happen,” he took a deep breath and continued. “You’re gonna leave our nest and go back to the bonfire. You will go back to your wife and your children, and you will enjoy the rest of the night. After that, you’ll never speak of this event again. You won’t even mutter about it in your sleep. You will only speak to (Y/N) when absolutely necessary. If not, you’ll tell me. This child will be ours and that’s what they will know. You will be a proud grandparent and nothing more. They will carry the family name, but not because of you. It will be because of me. (Y/N) is my wife, and she is my family. You will never interfere again. Do I make myself clear?”

“(Y/N)...”

“I said, am I clear, dad?”

“Crystal,” Jake spat.

“Good.” Neteyam gifted him a spine-chilling smile. “Now go enjoy the rest of your evening.”

Jake tried to catch another glimpse at (Y/N) but his son stood in the way. So, he admitted defeat, and with slumped shoulders, he left the tent, and his heart, behind. At any other moment, he would have been proud that Neteyam had stood up to him. But he was taking everything from him. His newfound reason for being, his heart, and his child. An ending to his and (Y/N)’s story he could have never imagined.

The moment Neteyam was sure his father was far away, he turned to his wife, his gaze softening once more as he looked at her. She looked frail, defeated, and it saddened him. The last thing he ever wanted was to see her in pain.

“I’m sorry, Nete,” she broke down, slumping against his chest. His arms tightened around her in a comforting embrace and he lovingly shushed her as she repeated the same words. “I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, my love,” he comforted her. “This… this is all my fault.”

“How could it be your fault, Nete?” she sobbed. “You haven’t done anything wrong. Ever.”

“You were supposed to go on the trip with us,” he sighed. “Mom told me to ask you, but I thought you wouldn’t want to come. Since we had that talk a week before we left, I thought it would have been best for you to take this time to rest.”

“Nete…”

“Instead, I left you here, vulnerable and alone.”

“I’m not innocent in this, Nete,” she stated, locking her eyes on his. “I could have stopped at any point, but I didn’t. And now we’re in this mess because of me.”

“It’s only a mess if we let it be,” he responded. “I meant what I said, baby. I will raise this child because it is a part of you and you belong to me as I belong to you. One mate, for the rest of my life. Our souls are bound together for eternity, (Y/N). No matter what.”

“I don’t deserve you, Nete. And you deserve better than me, than what I’ve done to you.”

“Oel ngati kameie, (Y/N).”

“Oel ngati kameie, Nete,” she smiled between tears. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” he chuckled, kissing her temple. “I love you more than life itself. I love you, I love us, and I love the life that is growing inside you.”

He pressed his lips softly onto hers, his hands cradling her jaw. Neteyam pulled her close, his body flush with hers. He wanted to comfort her. Even at that moment, he could not think of anything other than her solace. His heart had broken at her infidelity, yes. But he was angrier at the fact that he had left her and that he wasn’t doing enough to keep her body.

“Show me,” he mumbled against her lips, a grin spreading across his face. “Show me what you need, baby.”

“W-what?”

“I want to give you everything and more than what he gave you,” he breathed. “So, tell me and show me what you need.”

“Nete…”

“Please, my love. I want nothing more than to please you,” he groaned. “I want to find all the places he did and claim them back. I want to discover all the places he didn’t and leave my mark. I want your body to belong to me as it once did.”

(Y/N) took her lower lip between her teeth. How could he still want her? How could he stand before her and speak words of love when all she’d done was take him for granted? She wasn’t sure if it hurt more that she had done what she did or that he could so easily forgive her.

But as his lips took hold of her lips, then her jaw and her neck, she couldn’t help the pooling between her legs that grew in tandem. There was something different in his kisses, a different kind of passion than the one she shared with Jake. It wasn’t fevered. It was natural and welcoming, it simply felt right.

She took his hand in hers, guiding it to where she needed him the most. “Here,” she breathed as his fingers traced her loincloth. “I need you here.”

With her free hand, she untied her garment, baring herself in front of him as she had done many times before. Yet, it felt like the first time. Their chance to renew and start over. She guided his hand, whispering in his twitching ears what to do with his fingers.

“Like this?” Neteyam whispered as he did as told. Always the perfect rule follower. “Is this what you need?”

“Yes,” she moaned.

His fingers grazed over the aching bundle of nerves, teasing and learning her. He stared at every reaction from her, no matter how minuscule. Neteyam traced her, grazing over the bud, using her wetness to glide over it. He drew shapes and added pressure. He studied her sounds, edged on by her beautiful melody.

“Don’t stop, Nete,” she mewled. “I’m close.”

His smirk grew as she moaned against him. Her fingernails trailed his arms, looking for any form of stability. She was unraveling under his touch, coming undone by the agility of his fingers. A skill she had yet to experience from him, but he had already proven to be a fast learner. He moved as though he’d done it a million times before. As though he knew all along what she needed and had been waiting for her to request it.

With the right pace and the correct among of pressure, (Y/N) was moaning out his name and growing weak at the knees. Her nails dug into his skin as she grew weak, holding onto the only thing she could. Her breath hitched in her throat, unable to steady her breathing. It was like the very first time she had felt this sensation – double the pleasure.

“Very good, baby,” he cooed in her ear as he peppered her face with soft kisses. “What else? What else do you want?”

Through hooded eyes, she smiled at him. She got down on her knees softly, never breaking her gaze from his eyes. She untied his loincloth, allowing his erection to spring free. Her hand grasped him by the end of his shaft and he followed every move she made. From the kisses she placed on his stomach to the way her tongue lolled out of her mouth to lick a stripe from the base to the tip, a move that had him sucking in a breath.

(Y/N) opened her mouth, stretching to allow his length to fully enter her. She lowered her head softly, twirling her tongue against the skin as she took him completely. She hollowed her cheeks and bobbed her head, moving at a painfully slow pace, teasing him to speak up. Because just as much as he wanted to please her, she wanted to please him. To unlock the deepest desires of his body. To give herself completely to him.

“Oh, Eywa,” he groaned. “That tongue.”

She chuckled against him, sending reverberating vibrations rippling through his body. His hands landed on her hair. In complete juxtaposition to his father, he brushed her hair lovingly, keeping it off her face as he let her set the speed she desired.

His eyes rolled to the back of his head as he could feel the tightness in the pit of his stomach grow. Between the sight of his wife on her knees for him and the way she used her mouth around him, he knew there was no chance for him to last long enough. His breathing grew staggered as his sensitiveness heightened

With the expertise she had acquired, it didn’t take more than a few bobs of her head to have Neteyam spilling his release inside her as he let out a guttural moan. But he grew impatient with being so far from her. He pulled her to her feet and crashed his lips onto hers, using her surprise to slip his tongue into her mouth. He tasted himself in her mouth, the salty essence of his release still present in her.

She moaned against him, her arousal reaching unfathomable levels. (Y/N) felt as though she was going in heat once more, her hunger insatiable and untamable. She felt warmth rushing through her, making her skin feel like it was on fire. She needed more, she needed everything, she needed all of him.

Their kiss grew hungrier as their hands searched each other’s bodies. Neteyam removed her necklace, exposing the last bit of her to him. He kissed her jaw, then her neck, and kept traveling to the mounds of her breasts.

“There,” she breathed. “Kiss me there.”

He smirked at her and took one of her stiffened peaks into his mouth. He ran his tongue flat against one as his hand pinched and tweaked the other. He hollowed his cheeks just as she had done with him, and circled her. He lapped until a string of moans fell from her throat and her hands nestled between the strands of his hair. He switched from one mound to the other, neither was left unattended for more than a few seconds.

“Nì'ul, Nete,” she whimpered. “Oe kin nì’ul.”

“Pseng, (Y/N)?” he murmured. “Peng oe pseng.”

Instead of using her words, (Y/N) guided him toward the mat, laying him completely flat on his back. She grinned mischievously at him as she crawled over him, her legs on either side of his chest.

“There is something I wanted to try,” she confessed meekly. “Something I’ve never done before.”

“Anything you want, baby,” he grinned. “I like where your head is at. Now come here.”

Neteyam curled his arms around her thighs and guided her to his face. Although it was a position that was new to them, he was guided by carnal instinct. He breathed her in, her scent as familiar as the day he knew what it meant. He stared at her wetness for a moment, admiring the pulsing core in his gaze before he attached his mouth to it.

He ran the tip of this tongue from her folds, parting them and tasting her essence, to her clit, where he remained. He swirled against the bud, reveling in the sounds that were expelled from her body. As he listened to the sweet harmony, his tongue journeyed from the swollen mound to her entrance, pushing through and exploring her insides.

(Y/N) let out a strangled breath as her husband’s tongue pierced her. He pistoned into her at a teasing rate, chuckling as she groaned. He was exploring her, learning of her from the inside out. But, once he added his thumb and circled her clit, the girl was screaming in pleasure.

At the rate he was going, it was no surprise when she was spilling all over his tongue a few seconds later. Her weight fell onto his face, the pleasure too much as her body shook. The suddenness of her contact took the breath out of Neteyam’s lungs, making him moan at the sensation. A sound that ran through her body, making her grow more aroused, even in her starting stage of exhaustion.

“I need you, Nete,” she keened. “I need to feel you inside.”

“Me too, baby,” he answered as she climbed down his body, her face close enough to kiss. “I will claim you the same way I did when we got married. Just like the same way when we promised ourselves to each other before Eywa.”

At the memory of that night, tears fell from (Y/N)’s eyes. It was a reminder of the vow she had broken, the one rule Na’vi mates lived by. She remembered saying those words, promising Neteyam that she would give herself completely to him and only him. But she had gone back on that statement for a few days of pleasure.

“No, baby, don’t cry,” he comforted. Neteyam sat up, sliding her body down to his lap, and wrapped her in a warm embrace. His cock very prominently pressed against their stomachs, a fact he was trying to ignore. “I said that because I want this moment to feel just like we felt that day. I want to erase everything that happened these past few days and replace it with the memory of us. With the feeling of my cock deep inside you.”

“I’m sorry, Neteyam,” she whispered against his neck. “I’m sorry for being so weak.”

“No, (Y/N). You are not weak. You’re the strongest woman I know,” he said before he kissed her lips tenderly. “The most beautiful.” Another kiss. “The most perfect woman I have ever laid eyes on.”

“Make love to me, Nete,” she cried. “Make me forget there was ever anyone else inside me.”

He kissed her deeply once more before moving her to align himself with her entrance. But before sinking onto his length, (Y/N) took hold of both of their queues. As she lowered her body onto his, the tendrils at the ends of their braid made their connection.

They both gasped deeply at the overwhelming touch. It was what was always missing for (Y/N), the spiritual connection that bonded their hearts and souls together. A feeling that overtook every other sensation in their bodies. It synched the beating of their hearts, their breathing, their thoughts. It was a promise not only to themselves but to the Mother Goddess that their entire beings belonged to her creation.

“Oel ngati kameie, (Y/N),” Neteyam breathed.

“Oel ngati kameie, Neteyam,” she muttered in reply.

(Y/N) was the first to move, her hips grinding down on his lap, the initial pain of the stretch gone in the blink of an eye. In its stead was the feeling of fullness –completeness. This was the reason it felt good with Jake, but it never felt quite right. The older Sully did not complete her, and he never would. He was experienced in the art of sex and he had been able to teach her things she never thought imaginable. But she simply could not give him her heart because it did not belong to her anymore.

Neteyam spoke her name like a prayer, the only word that could guide him to salvation. She was the air in his lungs, the blood in his veins, the thoughts in his head. (Y/N) was his everything and he could never stand to lose her to anyone. He would show her every day of their lives why their lives had been entwined.

With Neteyam, there was no learning the areas inside her that had her screaming and squirming. He knew exactly what to do, the right buttons to push. He knew where to kiss, where to nip, where to thrust.

At that moment she understood. The reason she had needed so much from Jake was not that Neteyam was lacking, it was because she could not live with just the physical connection. (Y/N) truly yearned for the way souls connected in the act. He may have known how to fuck her and get her to finish, but she did not see him.

This is what her heart truly yearned for. Her and Neteyam’s bodies were connected, in more ways than one. They fell into a perfect rhythm, their moves perfectly choreographed, the pace beautifully synchronized. At that moment, they were one.

“I’m close, baby,” he groaned into her neck, their bodies flush in a tight embrace. “I’m so close.”

“Me too,” she groaned. “Just… keep going.”

His hips met hers, his cock pressing on the most sensitive part of her insides. They were breathless, panting as they chased together their finish. A couple of more angled thrusts and their releases were mixing deep inside her. It felt like electricity coursing through them, passing through their limbs until it finished where they were joined.

(Y/N) slumped against her husband, her lips leaving soft kisses against his neck as Neteyam kissed the tears that had fallen unconsciously away. Still connected, the pair lay on their mat as the exhaustion of the night started to wrap its claws around them.

“I don’t want you to ever feel sorry for what happened with him,” he whispered to her as he drew comforting circles across her back. “There is absolutely nothing you could do that would ever push me away. At the end of the day, I know you will choose me because I would do the same. You are my reason for living, (Y/N). You are the reason that Eywa allowed my creation. I love you more than I love life itself.”

She kissed him in response. The kind of kiss that mended wounds. The kind of kiss that spoke where words could not. Because it was more than that. It was a promise. That she would be the kind of woman that deserved a love like the one Neteyam was giving her. She would, now and forever, be the woman he was so in love with.

That night was the ending of a sentence and the start of a whole new chapter. They would remember that week as nothing more than a nightmare, a distant memory that could have been just their imagination. Because it could not be real, not to them.

But for Jake Sully, it would become a constant reminder of what he had grasped so tightly in his hands. It was the realization that his heart beat a different tune than it had decades before. He did love Neytiri. She had given him a new life and she was the mother of his children. There would always be love in his heart for her. But somehow he was no longer in love with her and there was nothing he could do about it.

Somehow, (Y/N) had made her way into his heart, a place he did not know was vacant. He thought, he prayed, he wished that she would have chosen him. That his fears that she loved his son more than she could want him were not true. He had allowed himself the fantasy that in another life it was her and him and their baby. But it wasn’t real, and it was clear that it never would be.

She had chosen Neteyam, just as she had said she would. And it shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. From the beginning, it was just a game to pass her through the week. But in the heat of the moment, love snuck in between and changed the rules. Rules that only affected him, and they would continue to do so for the rest of his life.

A/N: I'm lying, this is not the last part. There's an epilogue coming in a few hours cause it's already 1 am where I am😈😈 it's short but it's worth it! honestly thought I'd be able to post both today but I'm exhausted

Taglist: @uwunuggetchan @ellabellabus07 @sweetllamaparadise @crazy4books1 @jake-sullys-whore @saltedcoffeescotch @laylasbunbunny @atxara

Next -> (posted at 2:30 am)

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bunnyreaper · 3 months

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hey bunny! been a min since i last sent you an ask 💜

i wanted to share that my bf just told me yesterday he wanted some space, to take a little break to figure things out. we did not break up, he told me that's not what he wanted us to do. i'm still really heartbroken about it bc i have bad separation anxiety and it's taking over my brain rn.

i was hoping for a drabble about soap comforting a reader who's dealing with that kind of situation, i was leaning towards the best friend au.

thank you so much for bringing me joy with your fics and headcanons 💜

- 🔪💕

hello my love, im sorry for being late to this ask but im sending all my best wishes your way ♥ wrote a silly little thing for you and hope it helps, if you need to talk, im here !!

johnny is the first one to notice something is amiss with you, your usually bright smile absent when he tries to make you laugh as he always does.

a nudge to the shoulder, a retelling of one of simon's jokes that you've always loved, and nothing--just that same forced smile that doesn't bare your teeth or reach your eyes. his heart sinks every time he sees it, and every time he resolves within himself to try harder, to find something to make you smile properly again.

as your best mate in the whole world, johnny supposed that you were just waiting for the right moment to talk about whatever it is that's clearly bothering you, but after days of nothing, he grows restless.

it's one night in the rec room that he finally gets his answers.

you're sandwiched between simon and johnny on the lumpy couch--despite johnny campaigning for it being his turn to pick the film for the night (where he secretly resolves to pick your favourite movie), simon is having none of it, and shoves on whatever he likes while johnny whines.

"guess we're struggling tonight, lass." johnny jokes, playfully elbowing you as he tries to make you smile.

you manage to roll your eyes in return, the slightest of smiles on your lips. "i'm sure we'll live."

usually, you spend your nights texting your boyfriend, almost always in constant contact, as johnny fights for a scrap of attention.

it doesn't escape your best friends attention that tonight, despite unlocking and locking your phone constantly, no notifications come. it doesn't escape his attention that your lockscreen is no longer two grinning embracing faces, but something aesthetic, impersonal.

johnny can't hold himself back any longer. perhaps if you can't talk about it, you can find another way to tell him what's going on.

your phone pings with a notification, your body going stiff and rigid, only relaxing when you see that it isn't your now ex, but johnny. you rush to open the text, casting a questioning look at the man next to you whose eyes are glued to his screen that is just tilted out of your view.

> came up on my memories today :)

attached is a picture of the two of you, from a year ago today, johnny's arm slung around your shoulders as you both smile so sweetly at the camera. you're both a little on the tipsy side, but were having the absolute best night by each other's side, forgetting about everything but enjoying your time together.

even the sight of the photo sparks a joy within you that you haven't felt since you got the news. you've not been blind to the way johnny's constant warmth has surrounded you, but only now can you feel it begin to seep into your weary soul. a reminder of better times, and hope that one day you'll smile like that again--it's a balm to your battered heart.

you double tap the message, adding a little floating heart in response as another of johnny's messages comes through.

> thought you needed a smile, bonnie girl.

and smile now you do, a lightness filling you, with your best friend at your side. the one man you can truly count on.

< i did, thanks johnny <3

his bubble appears, typing before it disappears--over and over again until a message finally pops through.

> wanna talk about it?

somehow, the words feel easier to type than to speak--so much simpler without the fear that you won't be able to get through your words for fear of crying.

< we're on a break. i wasn't expecting it. just came out of nowhere.

you expect johnny to send warm words of encouragement, but instead he's pulling you into his arms, completely disregarding simon's presence, ignoring anything else besides the overwhelming need to comfort you.

"'m sorry, lass. doesnae know what he's missing out on. nae need to say anything, i've got ye now."

he says nothing more, as if he can sense that words aren't not what you need right now. instead, he lets you find home in his arms and starts his mission of holding you until all the pain goes away.

#bunny mail #soap mactavish x reader #ilysm!!!

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writerslittlelibrary · 2 months

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(Little vent post lol. Tw: Talks of suicide)

Does anyone else just feel really hopeless? I turned 17 like two weeks ago, and I feel like I'm wasting my life. I graduated school last year and I didn't know what to study so I took a gap year. I keep feeling like I'm wasting my teenage years because I'm not doing anything with my life. Most days, I just stay in my room, scrolling on my phone or writing stories. Sure, I babysit every week, but besides that, I don't really do anything.

My mom and my brother keep pestering me about the fact that I'm lazy. They keep saying that I have to go so things with my life. My dad keeps saying that I have to find something to do as well. He keeps pushing his own spiritual beliefs on me, saying I need to do certain retreats and meditations and stuff. He says that these are the best years of my life. That I have the time and I should do something with it.

Honestly, I keep feeling pressured about the fact that I'm supposed to do something with my time, which, in turn, only makes me waste more of it. It's like I'm frozen from doing things. All the days just blend together and I don't feel any purpose.

The truth is, I never felt any purpose in my life. I thought about suicide a lot when I was younger, and I still consider it sometimes. I don't think that it is something I would actually do, but the thought that I can feels like a nice fail safe.

If these are truly the best years of my life, then I'm certain that this life isn't one I want to lead. My life has sucked since I was 13, which was in 2020, and although I'm not as depressed anymore as I was then, I'm not happy. I don't like this life that I live and I'm terrified that it's one I'm going to have to live until I die.

I do know about shifting, and for 4 years, it has been the thing that has kept me going. The thought of leaving this reality and being in one where I can be happy is comforting. I don't care about leaving this reality behind, and I don't care much about leaving my family. I guess it makes me heartless, but it's just something I don't struggle with.

However, I haven't shifted yet, and every day, my belief that it exists weakens, and I'm a little closer to giving up. I know I can't give up. Shifting feels like the only way I can ever be happy.

I wasn't meant for a life like this. I get no joy out of living. Doing fun things doesn't last for me, and I can't really access memories. When something happens, it's fun, but when it's over, it's gone. My brother seems happy, and so does my mom, but I just feel lost. Life has no purpose for me, yet my only purpose is to leave it.

(Sorry for the people getting a notification and thinking I posted another story. I'll get a new one out before friday:))

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thebroccolination · 2 months

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SUPPORT ALL THE BE MY FAVORITE FIC PLEASE <3

I need everyone in the world to know that a friend of mine is writing a Witcher AU starring Kawi and Pisaeng from Be My Favorite and I’m reading an early draft of it on my lunch breaks and it’s become the best part of my day.

This thing is likely gonna be over 60k when it’s finished, and I’m really gonna need everyone in the world to leave kudos and comments on this fic when it’s done because my god she’s making an incredible piece of fiction and it’s so ludicrously charming. I don’t even play the Witcher games, I just casually watched the Netflix show and I don’t even think you need to have seen that to keep up. She’s just doing an incredible job.

I’m so happy our little time travel show is still attracting such incredible talented writers and such fun, exciting ideas in fanwork.

If you haven’t been keeping up with the AO3 tag obsessively like me:

Along with the stupefyingly, brilliantly executed genius of Mr. and Mrs. Smith AU Mr. and Mr. Jirawarakul (50k and one more chapter to go!!!) by Looorelai, there’s the nuanced The Long Way Home by saisei about the after-effects of Pisaeng’s time travel, and the punch-you-in-the-soul twist of Writing Ourselves on the Walls of our Future Hearts by Synergic.

Be My Favorite has had some incredible fics written for it.

If you loved the series and you’re missing it and KawiPi, I highly, highly encourage you to check out the tag or my bookmarks.

Tiny fandoms like BMF truly flourish when there’s warmth for them to grow by—or at least glow at a consistent rate. So when you read any fic ever and it makes you happy, please leave kudos and comments if you have the bandwidth. Especially if it’s old. Especially if the fandom seems tiny. It will mean more to them than you may realize; it may even mean the difference between that writer never writing in that fandom again and writing more.

An ember can start a fire.

Just as an example, I left a long comment recently on Clawed by daisydiversions in which Famous AU Kawi and Pisaeng (mostly Pisaeng) are battling a crane game in Japan, and the writer responded thus:

I thought, “Ooh, my screaming nonsense gave them a fic idea! That’s fun!”

Two days later, I had a notification in my inbox!!

And like! I get it! I wrote my 38k WinTeam fic Fireproof on the strength of my friend screaming at me after every chapter posted as well as the comments screaming even more. If I had been writing that on my own with no engaged readership, I would’ve gotten bored and unmotivated and given it up.

I’m not saying, “Leave comments in case the writers will write you fic.” I included that example as a, “Look what unbridled enthusiasm and active community spirit can inspire when we reach out to artists and tell them we appreciate what they created!”

It could inspire more fic, sure, but more importantly: it’ll make writers feel like we aren’t pantomiming for a silent, uninterested audience. That’s how fandoms survive for ten, twenty years. Or longer. Not just through love for canon.

We thrive because we show love for each other. Love for the stories and art we share with each other. Love for the community we’ve gathered.

Love is what brought us to fandom in the first place, after all. That’s where we excel. <3

A nice comment on a fic might be the difference between someone staying in fandom and leaving. You’re more influential than you know, and you can evoke incredible joy in people’s lives with a simple, “I loved this, thank you for sharing!”

#be my favorite #be my favorite the series #kawi x pisaeng #i love all these fics so much #and god they all deserve so much more love #i know people move on fast nowadays but we don’t have to!#i’m determined to keep my li’l microfandom well fed with screaming and admiration #always leave comments if you can #you may not know it but god it has an enormous influence #a friend told me recently the only reason she didn’t quit a fandom was ONE COMMENT #you’re more powerful than you may know <3

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iceunhie · 4 months

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HAPPY NEW YEAR (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧ !

i honestly didn't know i would get this far in this blog and i sure most definitely did NOT expect to be able to make so many people's days with my works. to my followers, thank you so so so much for supporting every post of mine and for taking the time to read the silly little writings i post ever since i started this blog at ( 08/22/2023 ) for your kind words, funny reblogs and overall general love for all my works. it truly does mean alot to me. to all my anons who have went ham in my inbox, you all brighten up my day, even though i take so long to respond 😭 to my mutuals, i've met so many cool people here and tumblr has become such a place of comfort for me because of you all. i wish everyone a happy new year and also a toast to more memories and experiences with you all. m.notes ⊂⁠(⁠´⁠･⁠◡⁠･⁠⊂⁠ ⁠)⁠∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠° -> to all the moots i haven't mentioned, please know that i hold you all so highly and will fight for u all with my life, have a wonderful and amazing new year!!!

🎆 MESSAGES FOR YOU !

for my anons : calc, printsessa, ⚡ anon, delivery anon, all nameless anons -> YOU GUYSSSSS (gn) you are all so sweet, thank u so so much for leaving brainrots and funny ass concepts to the table about anything at all!! please do interact with me more sometime, i may not express it well but i truly do appreciate everyone of you.

@i23kazu // @yinyinggie -> you have been such a driving force in curating my entire Tumblr experience to be safe, happy, and always so loving. your positivity and endless kindness have been a huge impact on me and clearly, a lot of people as well! you have always made the genshinblr experience for me so amazing because you take the time to make events and creating the two servers i hold so close to my heart; you're always such a ray of sunshine, and you garner admiration and exude comfort.

to me, you are lucent — bright, dazzling and always so amicable. it is a huge joy talking to you and getting to know you, happy 2024 to u yinggie!

@vennnnn-diagram -> VEN MY VEN 🥺 sobs,,,, you're such a fun person to be around! thank you for recommending sm scara stuff and being able to be one of my fav people and THE scara stan fr. a notif from you never fails to brighten my day, and thank you for being one of my first moots and friends on the astronetwork.

i would write more about you but then i would probably go over the text limit so HAHAHAH erm. you are the spontaneous burst of fireworks in the night sky, often fleeting, but your presence burns bright in my mind nonetheless. may 2024 treat you with all the happiness and kindness you deserve.

@meidnightrain -> meisha. you are. you are the fizziness of sparkling wine, able to keep me up my toes with your energy and overall vibes. you silly alhaitham hater now kisser /aff it's always such a wonderful experience talking to you!! your personality does a whole 180 most of the time, which brings so many giggles and laughs to my face whenever we talk in the server.

your writing is nothing if not a warm hug that makes you feel homey and comfortable, and i honestly didn't expect myself to be on your wavelength so well!! there's no doubt you're one of the lights that paved the way for me in some of my more difficult moments. ily, and may you have a blessed 2024.

@faesther -> miss es!!!! essie!!! esther!!! you are just someone i absolutely respect; the way you hold yourself and your grounding nature, it makes me feel stable and your presence is vv soothing to me. THE xiao general alatus conquerer of demons lover and spouse. you're also one whose humor is often out of pocket, but is a welcome addition to any conversations.

i love talking to you and just how considerate you are to everyone in the server, yet your beliefs and the way you can firmly be who you are - calm and collected as well as assured, we love a queen who knows what she wants hehe happy 2024 to u miss es!

@realkavehgf -> i am going to gnaw on you. /j ofc but shin! oh shin you're such an authentic and yet complex human being who i've come to be endeared with in more ways than one. whatever anyone says about you and whenever you need someone to talk to, my dms are always open with welcoming arms. iykyk but you're very red coded skskdjdjfj thank you for the weird conversations and the endless spew of kaveh gifs HAHA, this year i hope to make even more memories with you (⁠⊃⁠｡⁠•́⁠‿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)⁠⊃ ILY U KAVEH SNIFFER /silly

@heiayen -> mx heia how do you do? *tips imaginary tophat to you* heia you r just a ball of chaos and a treat to be around aaahhh ur writing and your brain. i love love love rambling about the fantasy au with you, about the mafia au and many more!! hope we get more interactions next year heia, and have a happy new year.

@so2uv -> JUN???!!!!!! i JUST saw ur moot appreciation post and first of all. I SHOULD SAY THE SAME FOR U??? ur writing is so giggling and feet kicking inducing and ur literally so funny ha u alpha wolf 🫵 AND YES u may psychoanalyze me and my crippling wanderer hyperfixation. our interactions may be short but ur def one of the moots i can't forget. let 2024 be the start of more interactions and conversations, sol 🫂

@ryuryuryuyurboat -> rolls eyes..... ayato kisser 🤨 /j /j happy happy new year to you miss yukari!! u r so fun to be with istg i remember that one funny stunt we pulled when we disguised as anon and,,,, yk what that was so no more elaboration. u r my accomplice in chaos and fellow brainrot enjoyer, and i always love how you're so sweet, kind, wonderful, and so so easy to be around???? genuinely love whenever u pop up in my notifs. ily yuyu may you red panda ur way through this year and have a 🥮 too!!

@ywalara -> I AM IN TEARS. yona. YONAAAAAAA (insert ueueue copypaste) we just recently became moots and ur writing is so, so pretty??? it's calming, and your layout + general vibe and it's always so cool talking with u omg,,,, hope we get to talk more in the future and I'm returning the sentiment too; may your creative endeavors prosper and flourish this 2024.

@snobwaffles -> THE server cyno. ur art is so nommable, ur GIFs always make me crack up, and the way your humor literally makes its way to the conversation so naturally that i don't feel intimidated talking to you!!!!!! ahhh you're also one of the first moots i got on genshinblr and GOSH am i thankful u are. it's always so fun to be around you, snob and you're such a vibrant and a person with a huge and considerate heart. ur character analyses??? UR THEORIES??? snob is genshin impact. u are hyv's employee real jk jk (unless 😦) happy new year to you snob!

@ansy-tea -> fellow kababayan 🤧 we haven't talked much as of late but i still remember when we used to talk about dottore alot in the network server HAHAHAH i hope things go well for you and i hope to see more of you this 2024! ily ansy 🫶🫶

@kiochisato -> THE SILLY /POS aahhhh one of my moots from the editing community!! UR SO TALENTED AND LIKE?????? Everything U make is so so pretty i am going to sob so bad rn ackkk kio ur also super fun to interact with! thank u for bringing me up when i once had quite the huge doubts about my writing, and you've helped me a lot of times even though you may not have noticed haha,,,,

i live seeing ur reblogs and you going on about ur day being the most loveable, silliest, most amazing human being ever!!!! happy new year to you and may many more interactions shall we experience in the future.

@kizakiss -> hello bunso!!! happy new year to you (kahit delayed na HAHAHA) seriously rin, thank you so so much for every little reblog you have on my fics like?????? ur so sweet ur so cute ugh u cutie fr fr, ur comments on my fics always leave me weak and flustered bc they're so sincere........ from the heart, and you're always so bubbly that a smile will always find its way to my face whenever we talk in the server ;;;; maligayang 2024 sa iyo bunso! have fun, make new memories and keep being who you are because you are a beautiful, admirable and awesome human being.

so so many more people to tag but @chichikoi, @yrbladie, @staretes. @adiluv, @ph-xntasy, // @yuelliiii, @rainswept, @dumbificat, @kazumist, @mondaymelon @cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme, @lemonarcade, @ainescribe + zee, penpen, boo, ek, orion, shiro, eun, bell and everyone else in the all the servers i'm in. happy new year to you all and know that appreciate and care deeply for everyone of you.

sincerely and from the heart, mhie 💗

#mhie rambles #sweet treats for m(hi)e !#thank you for being an indispensable part of my tumblr and genshinblr experience #i mean it ily all from the bottom of my heart

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metamorphosisff · 1 year

Text

|Chapter 9| Kinda, Sorta...Maybe

My fingers toy with the braided orange and white yarn bracelet around my wrist as I wait for Papi’s summer camp orientation to be over. The young counselors in the front are going through what the program will look like for the next eight weeks and behavioral expectations. However no one is truly paying attention. Tired parents, wrangle with groups of children, and their own boredom while clusters of kids throughout the cramped auditorium talk excitedly amongst themselves. I sat in the back fighting against sleep myself after my graveyard shift since Mari couldn’t make the ten a.m. meeting. As they finally begin to enter the last week of camp on the powerpoint my pointer finger traces over the one bead that was in the middle of the bracelet that was marked with the letter X.

Xavier had slipped it into my hand last Saturday while we waited for the Uber to take me back across the bridge. Apparently his sister and her friends have quite the side hustle in selling the custom friendship bracelets. For ten dollars he got her to make us some. At first I told him I’d never wear mine but then I saw him with it on at community service yesterday. It was right behind the Apple Watch he always wore with my initial facing outward. Jazz had clocked it before I had, which earned me another earful about letting him in.

When he Facetimed me last night the first thing he saw was it on my wrist. The simple joy that spread throughout his eyes from me participating in the peak of his corniness made it worth it. Xavier never asked for me to give more of me than I was willing even when I could tell he wanted to. This was the least I could do to show him that his energy was not for nothing. That even though I swore to be a kind of decent friend, I knew he was a true one to me. In a short amount of time he managed to be a great one. So now a part of me wanted to be that in return. My train of thought was interrupted by Papi thrusting a folder into my lap. I raised a brow in question.

“It’s the program’s calendar and a few slips for you to sign for our trips,” Papi explained.

“Got it. When are these due?” I asked.

“I have to bring them with me on the first day next week,” he replied.

Nodding my head, I stuffed the folder, and stood to my feet. I had a few hours before I had to be up for community service. “C’mon let’s go home.”

“Actually, I was kind of hoping to hang out with Jayce and Tim,” he said, nodding over to two boys who were waiting for him not too far away. We lucked out by finding a program other boys from his school had heard about as well.

“Jayce is the one with the older sister right?” I asked.

“Yeah, Jessica,” he replied.

“Then fine, you can go,” I replied, knowing that Jayce’s sister routinely checked in on her brother and his friends. “But you better beat me home later.”

“I got you, later Auntie,” he said, giving me a quick hug before running off with his friends.

“Later.”

While he ran off to get sweaty, I made the twenty minute trek back to our building.In no time I had stripped down, tossed myself into a shower, scarfed down the bagel I bought on the way home, and was crashing into my sheets when my phone began to vibrate. I groaned at the sight of Lonso’s name next to a text notification. Clicking it, I quickly scanned the message.

Ma’s having a birthday party. You coming?

Ms. Lena had a birthday party every year and I had gone all of one time to know I’d never go to another. It hurt too much to see what was so blatantly missing from my life. There was so much love on his side of the family that he never went a day without it. Meanwhile, savoring their joy felt too much like stealing to me. Instead of responding directly, I sent him the screenshot of the calendar reminder I had which read ‘Call Ms. Lena’.

Within seconds he replied.

That better be a Facetime with your no-show ass.

Go recite the anthem or whatever they pay you to do instead of playing on my phone.

Ain’t nobody playing. That’s your problem right there. Just come home.

See? He never got it. Never got me. Virginia was not my home because they left me behind when they were crafting it. Their house was a reminder that I was tolerated at best and I didn’t need the pity. Shaking my head, I typed out what would be my last response: I am home.

I rolled my eyes and tossed my phone to the side so that I could finally go to sleep. That was enough Lonso for one day.

It’s been eons since I have stepped into a lecture hall but I do so this afternoon as Xavier has invited me to watch him teach. As I sit in the back, I notice as a few people regard me with curious stares wondering why I’m there. I’m looking around the room wondering the same thing when my eyes lock with the professor’s. He sends me a silly smile and beckons me forward but I shake my head. I don’t want to sit any closer because knowing Xavier he’ll try to get me to participate. I’ve agreed to listen, nothing more, sensing my stance he grins but nods his head in acquiesce. Baby steps. We’re taking baby steps at getting me to be a more social being in general. I pull out one of Papi’s old notebooks that still has a few blank pages in the back and a pen. On the screen is a slide that reads: PSY518 Macro Human Behavior. Underneath that is the subtitle: Chapter 2 - The Social Psychology of Group Behavior. I write down both along with my name and the date as if I’m actually a part of the class.

After a few more minutes, when the hall is filled with about eighty or so students, Xavier calls the class to attention. He stands in the center of the floor, right before where the teacher’s desk is, and his belongings sit atop.Today he wears jeans and a powder blue short sleeve button down with a sweater that the blasting air conditioning makes necessary. I eye the students, armed with notebooks, tablets, and computers ready for the words that are to spill from his lips. Their hunger for knowledge makes me lean forward and swing my eyes back to the man in the middle of the room. He had their respect and undivided attention, I could give him that too.

Clapping his hands together, Xavier starts, pacing as his voice fills the room. “Over the last two weeks we have been breaking down chapter two, the social psychology of group behavior. Tonight we will wrap up this discussion by examining ourselves, our awareness of self, and how that can affect our worldview, and professional practice. To kick us off, can somebody please refresh us on what Albert Bandura’s social learning theory is.”

Multiple hands shoot up into the air. Xavier chooses a girl dressed in overalls splattered in paint and a ruffled crop top. Her bright pink hair makes it easy to find her when she says, “Social learning theory basically stresses the importance of observing, modeling, and imitating the behaviors, attitudes, and emotional reactions of others.”

“That’s it precisely and quickly can somebody connect why that theory applies when we look inward to ourselves,” Xavier said, scanning the hall once again before calling on a lanky kid whose limbs were spilling out of the seat. “Dante go ahead.”

“Because we are what we have been raised or not raised to be. Humans are very monkey see, monkey do. If we see our parents work hard, we work hard. If we see them doing drugs, we are likely to follow suit, so on and so forth,” Dante replies.

That response makes me sit up because it strikes close to home. I never wanted to do drugs because of my parents but something in me lately had been drawn to setting my life on fire. Now, here I was shifting through the ashes, wondering when I had become a pyromaniac. Had the instinct lied dormant within me or did I learn how to pick up matches from watching them?

“Correct. To expound on Dante’s example, if we see our parents work hard, then we may think, why can’t other people do the same? You might think your client is being lazy or not trying their best. That can cause you to miss a potential area of assessment. Maybe your client has ADHD or SPD. If you hold onto these biases, and we all have them, then you will not be serving your client to the best of your ability,” Xavier continues.

“Professor Taylor, are all biases harmful?” someone else calls out. I miss the face because I’m too busy jotting down notes to revisit later.

“I would say yes but to varying degrees. Like stereotypes, biases are a form of personal truths, of what we believe to be true based on experience. We fall short when we don’t take into account that not everyone has the same shared experience,” Xavier replies.

“What if all of your experiences are harmful but you don’t want to replicate the behaviors you witnessed in your home or community?” another student asks.

I can feel all of the thoughts zinging around the room as this class gets into its analyzing state. These kids are keeping Xavier on his toes and he loves it. His eyes light up when he gets this question.

“Great point, the answer is you have a lot of work to do on yourself. It is hard to break free of the behaviors we witness in our formative years. They are embedded in us in ways we don’t know are possible until certain situations arise. It is hard but it is not impossible,” he says, his eyes landing on me the exact moment he finishes his statement.

It’s an echo of our conversation from the day of the food truck festival. A subtle reminder to me that change is possible. I’m on the fence but for the next ninety minutes I open my mind to the possibility. I watch students role play different situations where awareness of self would be crucial in helping their future clients. I watch as Xavier gently guides and corrects where some groups fall short. I fill the remaining blank pages in Papi’s old notebook with phrases, words, and theories I plan to look up when I get home. As he dismisses his students, I look over what I’ve written with some understanding of my childhood, and the decisions I have made in adulthood because of it. I’m lost in thought when Xavier approaches me, bag slung over his shoulder.

“Those notes mean you enjoyed the lecture?” he asks.

“I did. Feed me and I’ll tell you my thoughts,” I say, putting away my stuff in my bag.

He chuckles as he steps aside as I get up from my seat. “C’mon there’s a bomb pizza spot not too far from here.”

We walk side by side under ominous gray clouds that are threatening to spill at any moment. This impending storm was not on the weather forecast this morning so I’ll most definitely be getting caught in it since I’m umbrella-less. For now though, I push the thought to the back of my mind as we make it to the pizzeria that was only four blocks away from the side of campus we had been on. There are a few tables in the back available between the crowd of students and families. I snag one while he gets our slices, a penne and regular one for me, and two pepperoni’s for him. We eat for all of five seconds before he decides to start probing me about his class.

“Aight, I’ve fed you, spill it. What did you think?” he asks, taking a bite out of his pepperoni slice.

I grin at the nervousness in his demeanor before saying,“That you both enjoy and know what you’re talking about. I was able to follow along like I’ve been in the class the whole semester.”

Nodding his head, he said, “That’s exactly what I strive for. Texts are hard enough to break down on their own without me being more confusing on top of that.”

“I wish I had more teachers that followed that philosophy. Why don’t you teach full time?” I ask next.

“I love teaching but I also like feeling like I’ve made an impact. Helping Hands allows me to serve people in a real way. The need to help is in my blood. Most of the men in my family serve by enlisting but that wasn’t my path,’” he answers.

“Mine either. My brother enlisted too. He wanted to be the complete opposite of our father and thought I should want that as well,” I said.

“We can only walk our paths. Not the ones other’s want for us,” he said, speaking from experience as well.

“Correct. I’m glad you listened to your gut because this is so clearly your calling,” I said.

“Thanks,” he smiled before asking, “It took me a minute to find it but I literally can’t see myself doing anything else.”

“Why do you think it took you so long?” As someone who was also taking a long time to find their purpose I couldn’t help but wonder how long it might take me.

“About five years. I spent a lot of my teen years and early twenties angry, at first because me and my father could not see eye to eye. Then because of Sabrina. Anger…distracted me. That’s why when I figured it out, I hit the ground running trying to make up for lost time. One of the reasons why my ex is my ex, she thought I needed a new career when I had just found this one,” he said, with a shake of his head.

“Not to be disrespectful but it sounds like she did not know you. Anyone with eyes can see how much you love what you do,” I said.

“Not anyone, just those who matter,” he said softly, taking a glance at me while taking a sip of his soda.

I feel my cheeks heat up and quickly drop my gaze to what’s left of my penne slice. He snickers but allows me to retreat in peace. We fall into a comfortable silence as I finish off most of my food. When I’m done, I wipe my hands on a napkin as I observe him typing out an email. His glasses are still on and the muscular body underneath the button down reminds me of an actor I can’t place at the moment.

“The professor's look suits you,” I said, popping the collar of his short sleeved button down, drawing his attention.

“Aye man quit,” he chuckles, but does nothing to stop me. Instead, he looks over at me as he chews the latest bite from his pizza. “Tell me about your day.”

Like that we fall back into an easy conversation as I fill him in on Papi’s first day of camp which was yesterday, the jobs I’ve been applying to, and the episodes of Captain America I’ve finally watched since he’s given me the login information for his Disney Plus account. By the time we leave the pizzeria to head towards the train station the sky has opened with a steady rain but we walk as if the sun is still out. Anytime our in person time is coming to an end both of us subconsciously fall into sync to make it last as long as possible. Our shoulders brush as he listens to me complain about having to be up in seven hours for work.

“That just means you’ll have to go to bed as soon as you get in,” he says.

“If I go to sleep, I’ll miss more of your students' awful grammar and syntax,” I chuckle. Lately he had taken to reading me some of their papers aloud as he graded. They were interesting bedtime stories that sometimes affected my dreams.

“There will be no shortage of that trust me. They will still be bad tomorrow night,” he says, looking over at the train station entrance not too far away before looking at me. There were a thousand emotions swirling in those brown eyes. All of them were easily translated but still I couldn't help but to question for clarity.

“Why do you look at me like that?” I ask, as he peers down at me through long lashes that are clumped together due to the rain.

“Like what?” He says stepping closer to me in the way he does when he thinks he will somehow miss my words.

“Like…like I’m the only one you see…like I’m everything,” I said, speaking as the answer came to me bit by bit.

His attention for me is all encompassing and wraps around me like a cloak. We both find comfort in it and it’s why he is looking at the train station with such disdain. He does not want to part from me and if I’m being honest, I’m not ready to part with him either.

“Because you are,” he says.

Words are trapped in my throat as if I swallowed honey. He uses my lapse to lean in closer to say, “And you look at me the same way.”

“I…what?” I sputter out which causes him to chuckle.

“You heard me Mila. You see into me like I see into you which is what has made being your friend so amazing. This connection between us…it can be more,” he said, giving voice to my most inner thoughts.

The thoughts I tried to bury and deny. The thoughts Jazz said were inevitable for me to have. He has them too.

“More,” I repeat softly as his brown eyes hold onto mine. Not giving me the opportunity to escape this time. He’s holding me accountable at this moment.

While it’s true I want Xavier to be my friend, I also want more because somewhere along the line I caught feelings. It’s sudden and unexpected but being around him makes me less afraid. Makes me want to take a risk which I do by grabbing his face and kissing him. His hands instantly reach for my waist, pulling me flush against him. Being in his embrace is the most sense of belonging I have ever known. It’s instantly right as his eagerness takes over the kiss. I don’t mind letting him lead, considering it a reward after taking a leap of faith. What feels like all too soon, he’s easing out of our kiss with small pecks as his breath fans against my face.

“I just wanted to pause and say technically you kissed me first,” he murmurs against my lips.

“I did,” I said, pressing my lips against his once more. “You kissed me back.”

“I did,” he repeats, kissing me again, this time firmer as he pulls me closer. I tilt my head, giving him more access to sweep his tongue against mine and for the cool drops of rain to slide down my throat. We both taste like the Coca Cola we washed down the slices with. I find myself gripping onto his shoulders to keep his body pressed against mine. The rain is picking up but I can’t pay attention to anything but the way my heart is beating against my chest and the way Xavier feels clutched against it. This feels like a movie but whenever our eyes catch between kisses I’m reminded of how real this is, how I don’t ever want this to not be our reality, and how scared I am of what this means for our future. He eases from our kisses with a few nibbles and pecks before resting his forehead against mine. “I’d like to keep kissing you from this day forward. Cool?”

“Cool.”

“We don’t have to rush anything. We move at the same pace,” he says, nuzzling his nose against mine. It's as if he feels my anxiety rising and knows just what to say to keep it at a simmer instead of boiling over.

“Okay,” I said, nodding my head and because I think he deserves to hear it too, I add, “I want more too but you’re my friend first. I need you to be.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he says, sealing our agreement with another searing kiss that is a stark comparison to the monsoon we’re under.

It’s a simple acknowledgement of our shifting dynamic. One that helps to ease my racing thoughts for the time being as he links his fingers through mine and leads the way down into the station.

Today was finally the day where we said goodbye to the snazzy orange vest crew for good. The most embarrassing period of my life has finally come to a close. What better way to celebrate than getting drinks at T.G.I. Fridays and eating sizzling fajitas like Jazz and I were currently doing. So far we had been talking about pop culture with Jazz catching me up on the shows I never had the chance to watch anymore. When my phone flashed with a text from Xavier, she caught the smirk on my face as I read over the message inquiring when I’d be available to Facetime.

“Something changed between you and Mr.Clipboard. I saw the way he grabbed your hip before we took off,” Jazz said, pointing a long marble painted acrylic nail in my direction.

It honestly trips me out sometimes how much Jazz notices in the said and unsaid. She reads between the lines like no other so I don’t bother being vague anymore. Not when I needed someone to talk about this with being that Mari was perpetually busy.

“We kinda’, sorta’, maybe…might have kissed the other night,” I said, causing her to start clapping.

“I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. That boy looks at you like you are the second coming,” Jazz says, with a nod.

“He does,” I admitted, causing her to smirk because it wasn’t that long ago that I was denying that was the case.

“What made you see it for yourself?” Jazz asked.

“I don’t know if it was any one thing you know?” I replied, biting into a fry.

“Yeah I do. It’s the culmination of all that he is and all that he has the possibility to be. It is in the thoughtfulness of every gesture and the sizzle of chemistry in every embrace, it’s-

“Not that. Not yet at least,” I said, cutting her off before she can say the four letter word that is dying to spill from her lips.

“No not yet,” Jazz agrees, taking another bite of her food as well. “But soon enough. That scares you, don’t it?”

“More than I think I have the words for,” I admit with a chuckle.

I have never been in love, not for real, so while I’m not an expert on what it is, I’m sure as hell knowledgeable in what it isn’t. Xavier has presented none of those red flags but then again he doesn’t pretend to be someone he’s not. He owns up to where he falls short and strives to make the most out of his life encounter by encounter. He is admirable and approachable where I am jaded and enclosed. How do we meet in the middle without changing one another?

“He’s so sweet, and real, and I’m so afraid that I am going to fuck this up,” I continue, finally spilling some of what had been humming underneath my own excitement. Kissing Xavier was wonderful but what it meant scared me. “I feel the urge to-

“Run,” Jazz finishes for me. “I’ve been there chile and I did run. There hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I haven’t regretted either. That is why you Birdie, are going to stay the course because I’ve seen what’s on the other side so you don’t have to.”

“How do I not get in my own way?” I asked.

Jazz sends me a small smile as she says, “You are already making sure you aren’t. There is nothing wrong with having discernment about the new and exciting. That my dear is healthy so as long as you don’t let it hold you back. Xavier has made you entertain what you already considered to be impossible with friendship. This will only be slightly different but the same kind of beautiful.”

Below the surface, I believe what Jazz is saying to be true. Xavier is unlike any person I have ever met before let alone any other man. He stands in a category all by himself. I don’t have to empty out my skeletons in the closet for him to feel as if he knows me. He observes and adapts so that I’m comfortable with him without the need to.

“I hope so,” I say, as I take another sip of my drink.

“What will be, will be. Enjoy the journey Birdie,” Jazz says with a wink.

“I’m going to try. In other news I have a few interviews coming up. Fingers crossed I get a day job again,” I said.

“You will but I’m crossing my fingers all the same. I’m gon’ try to get me a lil piece of official work too. I have a friend who’s going to set me up at this shelter for women as an intake coordinator,” Jazz beams.

“That’s amazing Jazz! Sounds perfect for you as you love telling folks what to do,” I snickered.

“And do! Know the diva okay?!” Jazz hollers causing me to join in on the loud laughter. It’s been awhile since I have laughed with my whole body and it feels good to do so.

“Look at us, leaving community service on a high note,” I said.

“Here’s to making our people proud wherever they are,” Jazz says, raising her strawberry daiquiri.

I don’t know how she knows I’m in this world mostly alone but Jazz has an ‘all seeing’ way about her I have learned not to question. Instead I raise my glass with an amendment to her statement.

“And making ourselves proud above all. To looking forward.”

“Salute.”

#metamorphasisff #black fiction #black romance #slow burn romance #zendaya x mjb

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