#tristan graves x reader
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Foxtail & Wolfsbane Part 24
Summary: Your lifelong obsession to hunt down the Nine-Tailed Fox has not gone as expected, and seventeen years later, you find yourself coming back to the place where it all started: Hogwarts. However, with Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban and Headmaster Dumbledore’s hire of a certain Professor R. J. Lupin, you suddenly find yourself intertwined in the fates of those with whom you thought you had parted ways with long ago.
[Multi-Post Story] [Rowan Scamander x Reader] [Remus Lupin x Reader] [Young Sirius Black x Reader] [Tristan Graves x Reader] [Severus Snape x Reader] *Note: Rowan Scamander, Tristan Graves, Susana Holmes, Cas Carneirus, Henrietta Weiss, and Thomas Picquery are OC characters.
Note: Part 24 does not contain any smut.
*Please do not repost or copy my work without my permission. Thank You!
☾ Click Here for Foxtail & Wolfsbane Home Page (All Chapter Links) ☾
“What are you all doing here?” you said, amazed.
Wearing his trademark black cloak, formal button-up, and leather gloves, Tristan brushed his silver-streaked hair out of his sharp emerald eyes. Scoffing slightly, he remarked, “It’s rather rude of you not to remember, when you called for us.”
“I did?”
Tristan held up a piece of parchment. “You sent us a letter.”
“We’ve decided to come help you with the Obscurial,” Susana explained. Her voice was very rough, as she was in her elderly-lady disguise, but you remembered Susana for who she was – Susana Grindelwald, not Susana Holmes – a powerful young lady with an incredible air of authority and intimidating magical prowess.
“If it’s not Grindelwald, it’s Dumbledore,” you recited, looking at Tristan. “That’s what you told me.”
Tristan nodded. “Exactly. That’s why we’re here. We feel responsible for it to some degree, as us banishing it from our lands has led it to come here, after your Headmaster.”
Behind him, Dumbledore’s eyes saddened, as they always did when he remembered Gellert Grindelwald. However, he remained quiet, letting the five of you play out your introductions.
“Besides that, you mentioned that your – well, your personal predicament was becoming worse, so we found it fitting to send our finest Magizoologist to help you,” Cas said, nodding at Rowan.
Rowan smiled, amused. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”
“Do you prefer we call you ‘the son of the finest Magizoologist’ instead?” Tristan replied curtly.
Rowan chuckled. “No. What I meant was that you don’t need to introduce me. She knows who I am.”
You looked over at Rowan. He was almost unrecognizable. He had grown so much. Physically, he was twice the size he used to be, and he’d always been rather impressive for his age. Newt and Tina had always wondered where his stature had come from. Now, though, Rowan’s face had become much more carven, with slightly deeper-set eyes and quite a strong jaw. More impressively, his aura had strengthened. It was as if all of the charisma and self-assuredness that had glittered around him when he was a boy had finally solidified within him now that he was a man. Still, though, his chestnut brown eyes, while deeper-set, seemed to sparkle with jest. And the spray of freckles over his broad face kept him looking quite young, despite everything else. In short, the man simply overflowed with confidence.
Just then, Rowan’s eyes met yours. His mouth curled up into a warm smile that plainly told you that he recognized you. “Hello again, little fox.”
* * * * * * * * * *
Tristan relayed what the situation was with the Obscurial. “Headmaster, Tina tells me that you are familiar with the story of Credence Barebone.”
Dumbledore’s eyes dimmed. “Yes, I am. He was an unfortunate victim, who became caught in the fight between myself and Grindelwald. And I recall that you, Mr. Graves, suffered the price for our foolhardiness.”
“When my parents died trying to protect Credence, the Obscurial possessed a part of my spirit and lived within the iris of my eye,” Tristan explained. “Recently, however, the Obscurial was forced out of my body. I believe it came to Hogwarts, seeking you out.”
Dumbledore merely replied, “Well, I am glad the Obscurial has been forced from your spirit. If I may ask, how did that happen?”
Tristan glanced over at you. “I had some help.”
Dumbledore lifted his eyebrow, but he remained silent.
“Headmaster, may we conduct a search of your grounds?” Susana asked.
“Yes, you may. However, I would not recommend going after the Obscurial tonight,” Dumbledore replied. “You have all travelled a long way, and I would not suggest that you chase an Obscurial without being fully rested.”
With that, Dumbledore dismissed everyone.
* * * * * * * * * *
After the meeting, you showed everyone to the guest’s chambers. It was a long hallway, with several rooms. Susana took the first room; Tristan and Cas took the second room. Rowan opened the door to the third room.
“Good night,” you said.
Rowan reached out and put his hand on your shoulder. “You mean to leave just like that?”
“I figured you’d want to sleep.”
“I wouldn’t mind catching up with you. Sleep can wait. It’s been a while since we saw each other, after all.”
You deliberated for a moment. “All right.” You stepped inside of Rowan’s guest room.
“It feels strange to be back at Hogwarts,” Rowan said, taking off his cloak and carelessly tossing it onto the chair. “In Ilvermony, I was sorted into Thunderbird. But to tell you the truth, I’ve always felt Ravenclaw suited me better.”
You picked up Rowan’s cloak and folded it neatly. “Did you miss Hogwarts, then?”
Rowan flicked his wand, and the candles in the room all suddenly glowed with bright fire. “I did.” He paused, before he returned, “Why? Did you think I didn’t?”
“I figured you were busy.”
“That doesn’t mean that I didn’t miss Hogwarts… or you,” Rowan said.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t miss me,” you replied honestly. “It all happened so fast.”
“It’s true that it all happened in a rush,” Rowan agreed. “I mean, when we last saw each other, on the train ride, we were so young. Still, it meant something to me.”
“Oh,” you murmured. “But then - ” you paused, as you felt ashamed for even asking, but you had to know – “why didn’t you answer any of my letters?”
“Your letters? You mean - ”
“The ones I wrote you after we – the summer when you left.”
Rowan sighed. “That would be because I didn’t receive any of them until recently. Two weeks ago, to be exact.”
“What? You didn’t see any of them until two weeks ago? How can that be?”
“My father and I have been travelling every day since I left Hogwarts. He’s writing a new encyclopedia of creatures, you know, and before that, we were busy tracking down Dark Creatures to make sure they weren’t involved with Voldemort. We didn’t remain in the same place for more than a week. Mail never caught up to us.”
“Then, why are you here now?”
“Well, my mother had had enough and she asked my father to come back to London. She gave him a bit of an ultimatum, if I’m being honest. Anyways, my father and I finally returned home. That was just two weeks ago. And that was when my mother gave you all of the letters you had sent me.”
“Goodness,” you said, “that’s a long time to not have a home, Rowan.”
“Yeah,” Rowan agreed. “I don’t know how my father does it. Or how my mother puts up with it. I’m sorry I never replied. I always thought about you, though. In fact, weren’t you busy as well? I always assumed that you were chasing after that Nine-Tailed Fox of yours.”
“Yes, I did. In fact, I found her.”
Rowan broke into a grin. His voice became warm, as he congratulated you, “Atta girl. I knew you would.”
“Yeah, well…” Your voice drifted off, as you couldn’t quite bring yourself to match Rowan’s enthusiasm. Turning away from Rowan, you set his cloak down on top of the dresser.
Rowan noticed that you still had your hood up. He reached out and teasingly pulled your hood off of your head. “What are you still wearing your hood for, silly? You’re indoors.”
You gasped and your hands flew up to your ears – but not before Rowan had glimpsed the fox ears poking out from the top of your head.
“Merlin. I meant ‘little fox’ as a nickname, but it’s really caught on, hasn’t it?”
You tried to yank your hood back over your head, but Rowan caught your wrists. “Hold still. Let me look at you.”
You stiffened as Rowan gazed at you intently. You felt his eyes tracing your ears down to your face, gliding along your cheeks to your lips to your chin, and then back up to your ears.
“What the hell happened to you?” Rowan said finally.
“I told you,” you replied. “I found the Nine-Tailed Fox.”
“And this is what happens to anyone who encounters the Nine-Tailed Fox?” Rowan replied skeptically.
“No, not exactly.” You stepped away from Rowan, as you confessed, “I was too weak. The Nine-Tailed Fox possessed me. Whenever I’m drained of my magical powers or approached by another spirit or emotionally vulnerable, she takes over me.”
Rowan realized, “This is why I never saw you in the newspapers or anything. The truth was, I was waiting to hear your name, to hear that you had found the Nine-Tailed Fox. But I never heard anything. This is why, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” you said quietly. “I saw you and your father in the newspapers so often, making all kinds of break-through discoveries, one after the other. I couldn’t even find the Fox properly.” You stared at the flickering candle on the bedside table. The orange flame was blurry to you…
Rowan came up to you. He warmly cupped your face in his hand. “It must have been a shock. I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “I know you thought of her as freedom.”
Tears slowly dripped from your eyes. It took you by surprise – how you broke down so easily in front of Rowan, especially when you hadn’t seen him for twenty years. But as Rowan gathered you up in his arms and squeezed you tightly, you realized that you had always been completely yourself around Rowan – as selfish and pathetic as you could be – and what was more, Rowan was the only person who could truly understand how much of your dreams had been pinned on finding the Nine-Tailed Fox. Enveloped in his arms and feeling his warm and sturdy body against yours, you felt – not quite whole - but as close to whole as you had for the first time in a long while.
Inside of you, the Fox started. Child, he may be the one to heal you. His soul is very, very strong. He would be able to tame you – tame me – for quite a while yet, should you choose to allow that.
You buried your face in Rowan’s chest and avoided the Fox’s question. I don’t want to think about that right now. Please. Spare me.
The Fox twitched her tails in annoyance at what she considered your emotional weakness, but she consented and turned away from you for the moment.
After a long while, Rowan’s hand pressed against your cheek again, and he pushed your face up so that he could see your face. You resisted. Half to hide your puffy eyes and half to thank him, you turned your face into his palm and nuzzled his hand.
“Stay with me,” Rowan whispered. “Don’t go anywhere tonight.”
“But Rowan - ”
“I know it’s been a long time, and I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your letters. But I’ve thought of that day with you, on the train, so many times now.”
You were very still. You didn’t want to pull away from Rowan’s hand, and you were so glad to hear his reply, to finally know the reason why he had never responded to you after being your first – your first everything… but you didn’t know what to do with this information he was giving you.
You hesitated, before saying, a bit dishonestly, “That memory is hazy for me now.”
Seeing your reluctance, Rowan said quietly, “Well, maybe this is all too much too soon. There’s no need to rush, is there? It’s enough to see each other again… for now.”
“Yes, and I should let you have your rest,” you agreed, as gently as you could. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Rowan settled on briefly kissing your forehead. “Sleep well.”
You left his room.
After you closed the door, you leaned back on it for a moment. You clutched your hands to your chest, as you found yourself wondering about how strange life was, how it always seemed that life knew exactly how to sweep your feet out from under you…
* * * * * * * * * *
The next morning, after breakfast and just before classes, Rowan came up to your classroom to visit you. He looked around your classroom. “A Ghoul Studies Professor, eh?”
“As you see.”
“Why not Care of Magical Creatures?” Before you could even reply, Rowan said knowingly, “You still only care about the Nine-Tailed Fox, huh?”
“Well, Hagrid’s a much better Care of Magical Creatures Professor than I could ever be.”
“Yeah, Hagrid’s great,” Rowan agreed. “Anyhow, we’ve decided to search for the Obscurial today. And, if we determine that it’s still here at Hogwarts, we’ll try to capture it as soon as possible.”
“I think I can be of help,” you offered. “I can take you to the glade where I first encountered the Obscurial.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. But, before that, it’s the last day of classes today.”
“Is it?” A rather mischievous glint appeared in Rowan’s eye as he said, “You have grown up. You used to not even know your own class schedule.”
“Well, not only am I aware of my class schedule, but I need to prepare.”
“Ah, so you’re kicking me out?”
“Something like that.”
Rowan grinned teasingly at you. “All right, then. I’ll be on my way, Professor.”
* * * * * * * * * *
Remus felt horribly guilty about what had happened between the two of you – of him calling you, “Lovely” and you running out like that in the staff room. He hadn’t meant to press anything onto you. Truly, he didn’t. He knew he had no right to do so.
Not only that, but he was also suffering with a different issue altogether. He was grappling with whether or not he should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. He felt that he had a responsibility to tell Dumbledore this, since it was highly likely that Sirius was using his Animagus form as a disguise.
However, the mere idea of telling Dumbledore that he had betrayed Dumbledore’s trust and led three other students to become Animagi illegally, when Dumbledore had so kindly let him attend Hogwarts and even given him a job despite all of the protests from other staff members, made Remus want to shrivel up and disappear.
On top of that, tonight was the full moon, and Remus’ entire body was aching already. Remus let out a long, controlled breath. All right, he told himself. Take it one step at a time. Let’s go apologize to Lovely first, and then we’ll see about talking to Dumbledore.
Remus forced himself to trek up to your office. He lifted a trembling hand. He half-hoped you weren’t there.
Knock, he urged himself.
He did. His hand fell across your door and a ringing knock sounded out.
The door opened.
“I’m aware you don’t wish to see me, but I only came to say that I’m – I’m - ” Remus stuttered to a stop, for there was none other than Rowan Scamander standing at your door, filling up your doorway.
Rowan paused. His face scrunched up for a moment as he tried to place Remus. Then, he said cheerfully, “Ah, right. You’re Lupin, aren’t you? We used to be prefects together.”
“Uh, yes, that’s – that’s true.”
“Who - ?” You peeked around Rowan to see who was at your door that was mumbling so quietly, but you fell silent when you saw that it was Remus.
Rowan stepped past Remus and left.
“Yes?” you said quietly to Remus.
“I was just going to say – Hagrid told me to tell you that, um, Artemis misses you,” Remus made up, speaking quite feebly.
“Oh.” A pregnant pause arose between the two of you. Finally, you replied, “Well, I’ll go down after classes today to Hagrid’s.”
“Right. Right, then.”
“Thanks,” you said softly, and you closed your office door.
You didn’t see Remus falling back against the hallway wall. You didn’t see him reach up and clutch at his heart.
But you, too, were still standing there, clutching at your own heart. When I first saw Remus back at Hogwarts, I wondered if we might find our way back to each other. And when he called me ‘Lovely’ again, my heart just about leapt out of my chest. But it’s been nearly a year, and he still feels as far away from me as ever.
I don’t think – you blinked hard – I don’t think it was our age or career or even finances that led to our break-up when we were younger. If something like that was the issue, wouldn’t we be together now? But we’re not. And I always thought that the little things that brought us together – like having the same hiding spaces would bring us together for good someday, but maybe it’s just not enough in the real world. Yeah, maybe the truth is that we’re simply not right for each other. And Remus knows this already. Remus figured this out all of those years ago, and perhaps the reason that I one-sidedly still keep hoping for us to come together is just because I never had any real closure on my end…
* * * * * * * * * *
It was your very last class of the year, and there were three girls absent in your class. You kept expecting them to walk in late, but none of them arrived – and before you knew it, class was over. Worried, you asked your class what was going on.
One of the Gryffindor boys, Dean Thomas, answered, “There’s some good-looking bloke lounging underneath the tree by the Great Lake. The girls are pretty taken by him.”
“A good-looking bloke?”
You walked over to the classroom window and wrenched the curtains open. You put your hands up to the window and peered down – and sure enough, a gaggle of girls were gathered together, whispering excitedly to each other and generally fluttering around the tree, beneath whom sat –
“Tristan Graves,” you growled to yourself. “You arrogant bastard, what are you doing down there? Stealing my girls away from class with your stupidly handsome face…”
* * * * * * * * * *
You marched down to where Tristan was. As you did, you overheard the girls saying all sorts of ridiculous things.
“Have you seen his eyes? Vivid green, I tell you!”
“He’s so sharply-dressed. And so handsome.”
“There’s a streak of silver in his hair. Did you see that?”
“Enjoying yourself, are you?” You stood in front of Tristan – though you had to stand precariously on the very edge of the shore – and you folded your arms over your chest.
Tristan looked up at you. “Excellent. Stand right there and don’t move.”
“What?”
Tugging his right glove off to adjust his tie (one of the girls behind him swooned at this little motion), Tristan murmured, “I was hoping for some shade, and then you appeared. So, don’t move. Very hot here, isn’t it?”
“It’s May,” you said dismissively.
“I’m aware of the month. I was commenting on the temperature.” Tristan pulled his other glove off, and then he threw the pair of gloves merrily behind him.
“Ah! Catch it!”
“I want it!”
“Move! It’s mine!”
The girls all jostled with each other to catch the gloves, as if it were a bouquet toss at a wedding.
You scowled. “Does this amuse you, to act like some hoity-toity superstar?”
“It doesn’t amuse me,” Tristan replied, despite the pleased smirk on his face. “It amuses them.” He jerked his head at the girls behind him.
You both watched for a moment as Millicent Bulstrode tackled poor Hannah Abbott onto the ground in order to snatch Tristan’s glove away her. Meanwhile, Lavender Brown, who had managed to catch the other glove, was scratching wildly to fend off the other girls.
Fed up, you shouted at them, “Girls! What do you think you’re doing? Shoo!” You waved your arms at them.
The girls all laughed as they ran off as quickly as they could.
Shaking your head, you turned back to Tristan, “And what does Cas think of this?”
“Cas doesn’t care. She isn’t like you. She doesn’t get caught up on unimportant things.”
You hesitated. Is it just me, or has Tristan changed? I mean, he was just as arrogant before, but there’s a lightness to him now, a true joking nature, that wasn’t there before.
“Did you chase away all those girls just to enjoy me by yourself?” Tristan asked you, catching you staring at him.
You angrily blew out a breath. “Will you please go somewhere where you won’t distract the students?”
“It’s not my fault if my mere appearance is more interesting to them than your entire class,” Tristan responded silkily.
At this, you leaned down and grabbed a fistful of his fine silk shirt. “Listen here, you bastard - ”
“Ahem.”
Both you and Tristan looked up to see Remus Lupin standing a few feet away. He had mustered up the courage to go to Hagrid’s where he hoped you would be, so he could try to apologize to you again. Stepping forward, he asked lightly, “Is there a problem?”
“There’s no problem,” Tristan answered at once.
You replied, at exactly the same time, “He won’t move, and he’s distracting all the students.”
“Er – how’s he distracting the students when he’s just sitting there?” Remus asked, confused.
Tristan’s eyes glinted as he looked at you. “Yes, educate me, teacher: How am I distracting the students?”
“Well, you know, because he’s – well, because the students find him – um, handsome,” you said begrudgingly.
“But you don’t,” Tristan added knowingly, smirking broadly now.
“No, I don’t.”
“And you’ve never?”
“I’ve never.”
“That’s interesting, because as I recall, you once - ”
“Tristan Graves, you shut up,” you growled at him.
Remus, who had been following your conversation as a spectator would a tennis match – with his head whipping back and forth repeatedly between the two of you - finally asked, “Do you two know each other?”
“No,” you said flatly.
“Well, if I don’t know you, then why should I listen to you?” Tristan asked, openly teasing you now.
“I told you,” you said impatiently, “it’s because you’re distracting the stu – AH!” You screamed suddenly, for the Giant Squid, who had been silently sneaking up onto the shore, abruptly grabbed your shin with a slimy tentacle.
The Giant Squid, pleased with its sneak attack and curious as to what exactly it was gripping, gave your leg another slimy squeeze.
Screaming bloody murder, you leapt onto Remus, who immediately yanked you away from the shoreline.
“Oh Merlin,” you breathed out. Then, a terrible throbbing started up in your other ankle. While trying to escape, you’d turned too fast and twisted your ankle.
Tristan stood up and peered down at the shoreline. The Squid’s tentacle was still there, squirming about as it looked for something else to grab. “What the hell is that?”
“It’s the Giant Squid.”
All three of you turned around to see Rowan coming up behind you all. He came up to the shoreline and then, leaning down with his hands in his pockets, he kicked lightly at the Squid’s tentacle. “Hey, you. Get back in the waters.”
The Squid’s tentacle quietly withdrew back into the waters, almost as though ashamed.
You gingerly put your foot down. Unfortunately, as soon as your foot touched the grass, a jolt of pain shot up your leg. You tried to stay quiet, biting the inside of your cheek.
Besides you, Remus, who had instantly noticed that you were hurt, offered, “Let me take you to the Hospital Wing.”
“I can go up by myself.”
“Well, sure, I’m not contesting that. But I’d like to come with you.”
“Remus, I said I’m - ”
Remus gently wrapped his arm around your waist. “Please?”
You stared at him. His hazel eyes, ever so soft, glimmered in the evening sunlight.
“For me?” he said gently, as if he were the one asking you for a favor.
You sighed and your head drooped in defeat. You never could resist Remus. “Fine,” you mumbled. “Then, just take me to Hagrid’s, please. No need for the Hospital Wing.”
“All right. Put your arm around me.”
You slid your arm around Remus’ shoulders. You both tried to wobble forward together. However, Remus was so much taller than you that he ultimately had to pick you up right off the ground and carry you to Hagrid’s.
You were very careful to keep your hood on and to keep your cloak tucked underneath yourself because you could feel it – you could feel that your ears were still out and you could feel your tails swishing gently against the back of your thighs.
“Are you all right?” Remus checked with you, for he felt you fidgeting in his arms as you tried to keep your cloak tucked underneath you.
“I’m really fine, Remus.”
“Right.” Remus bit his lower lip. “Sorry, I’ll stop asking.”
No, don’t, you wanted to say, but you kept quiet.
* * * * * * * * * *
Rowan watched you go, carried off by Remus. She seems quite close to Lupin. Shaking his head a little, he turned to Tristan. “What are you doing here?”
Tristan nodded towards the Forbidden Forest. “Susana and Cas are scoping out the forest for the Obscurial. I’m keeping watch, making sure the students stay away from the forest.”
“You’ve been relegated to guard duty?” Rowan smirked, amused.
“Excuse me,” Tristan replied cuttingly, “I sent them on a mission.”
“Or so they would have you believe, when the truth is that you’re useless to them,” Rowan said knowingly.
Tristan held onto his arrogant demeanor for a moment longer, before he finally sighed and admitted, “Can I help it when Cas is the best Tracker MCUSA’s ever had and Susana’s the culmination of a legendary magical bloodline?”
Rowan chuckled at this. “No, I don’t suppose you can.”
* * * * * * * * * *
As soon as Hagrid opened the door, Artemis caught your scent. She came bounding up to the door, quite happy that you were here - but then, she paused and wrinkled her nose unhappily. She not only smelled another fox on you, but she also smelled that wolf-man scent. Urgh, she thought to herself. Bad smells. No-good smells. Still, she trotted along Remus dutifully as he brought you over to Hagrid’s huge sofa.
“What happened?” Hagrid asked.
“I twisted my ankle,” you said briskly. “Hagrid, if you’ve got any medicine to cure idiots, I’d like it now.”
Remus’ eyes lightened, as he held back a laugh.
Hagrid chuckled, too. “Nonsens’. But I’ve got some herbs and bandages to help prevent swellin’ and the like. I’ll be righ’ back.” With that, he went outside.
Remus saw the way your hood was covering your forehead. You seemed to be quite warm, sweating a little, in fact. So, he reached down to push your hood up a little. However, quicker than in the blink of an eye, you snatched his wrist and stopped him.
“Don’t!”
Remus froze.
“Please don’t push my hood down,” you whispered.
“All – All right,” Remus replied, shaken by your sudden yell.
“I’m sorry,” you said. “I didn’t mean to shout at you.”
“Should I go away?” Remus wondered aloud. “I wanted to help, but if I’m simply getting in your way, I should go. Perhaps I could ask Rowan to come here - ”
“No.”
Remus hesitated. “No?”
“All righ’. Here we are.” Hagrid appeared just then, carrying a bundle of herbs, a bucket of cool spring water, and a clean towel. Turning to Remus, Hagrid said, “Could you wring out the rag? Make sure it’s not too hot or anythin’. I’ll prepare the herbs.”
Remus took the towel and wrung out the water. Then, Hagrid handed Remus some of the healing herbs. Remus wrapped them into the steaming towel and gently pressed it against your sprained ankle.
“Does that help?”
“I think so…”
“I’m going to push up your cuff a little, all right?”
You nodded. You lifted your foot to help Remus roll back the cuff of your jeans.
“Good girl,” Remus murmured softly.
You both paused, as the words had simply slipped out of Remus’ lips. He blushed a little and kept his head down for the next five minutes.
In that time, you found yourself just gazing at him. As the adrenaline of being grabbed by the Squid slowly bled away, your eyelids began to feel a bit heavy.
Remus peeked up, catching the way your eyes were slowly and softly fluttering shut. An almost helpless smile appeared on his face, as he watched you fall asleep.
Remus was very attentive to you. He changed your towel, to make sure it wasn’t getting cold. When he re-applied the warm towel to your ankle, you shifted and murmured, “Remus…”
With your head resting more comfortably on the sofa, Remus saw those familiar shadows that he loved so much – the shadows of your eyelashes, casting a pattern of flickering grey foxtail ferns on your skin just under your eyes. He wished he could go back to the days where he could make you smile just by bringing you potted foxtail ferns.
Without realizing it, Remus slowly leaned in closer to you. But then, he hesitated – for your shifting on the couch had brought about other shadows too.
Remus suddenly drew back, horrified, when he thought he caught the shadows of a tail surrounding you, curled up around your waist.
What in the world? He blinked furiously. The tails disappeared.
Was that me? he wondered, trembling. Was that my possessive nature coming out again, like it did that terrible night after we first made love, and I had to ask for her again? Is that the beast within me wanting to claim her? It’s the full moon tonight. And that is what I would do if I had a tail – I’d wrap it around her to keep her safe and to have her by my side. But no, that’s wrong! That can’t be.
Remus quickly made to push himself away from you. However, the weight of his hands pressing into the couch made your hood slip off –
Remus’ mouth fell open. What are those…? No – But they look like… ears, on top of her head…
When Remus abruptly pushed himself away from the couch, the motion jostled the couch, slowly calling you back to consciousness. You blinked your eyes open.
You smiled tiredly when you saw Remus. “Rem, you’re here…” You reached out and took his hand in yours. Turning slightly to bury your face against the pillow to sleep more, you exhaled lightly, whispering, “Thank God, I dreamed you left… Mm…” That motion – of you turning into the pillow – exposed your ears, so that Remus saw them even more clearly.
“Merlin,” Remus breathed out, not quite believing what he was saying.
“I know, I know, but five more minutes,” you mumbled. “Promise I’ll make breakfast.” Your ears twitched when you spoke.
“O-Okay, but ‘s not the problem,” Remus stuttered out, not even sure of what he was saying to you. “Because – see, uh, is it just me, or are there ears on top of your head?”
Suddenly, your eyes flashed open. Oh my God. Your mind was abruptly yanked out of the past and into the present.
You sat up at once, and you saw the way Remus was looking at you – with horror on his face. No, no, no… I didn’t want him to see me like this! I don’t want him to know how pathetic become!
“I – Remus – please don’t – This isn’t what you think!” Not that you even knew what he was thinking, but…
Remus simply stared at you, open-mouthed.
Unable to take it any longer, you pushed yourself off of the couch and dashed out of Hagrid’s, while yanking your hood up over your head.
“What’s goin’ on?” Hagrid appeared. Artemis, who had tried to chase after you, was suddenly stopped by Hagrid’s gentle arms. She yelped, frustrated, and nibbled angrily at Hagrid, but he didn’t even notice.
Remus stood up dizzily. “Hagrid…”
“Oh, she forgot her medicinal balm and her bandages,” Hagrid noticed, seeing the small tin can and pile of bandages left beside the couch.
“Right, I’ll – uh – I’ll take them up to her.” Remus slowly gathered the balm and bandages in his arms. Then, he realized – Wait, Lovely’s ankle is still hurt. She shouldn’t be running!
All at once, Remus was rushing out of the door himself, as he was worried about you. “Hagrid-thanks-I’ll-see-you-later!”
Artemis whined in confusion. Hagrid looked down at her, and for a moment, both the gentle giant and the small fox cocked their heads at each other, unsure of what was going on.
* * * * * * * * * *
Susana, Cas, Tristan, and Rowan were gathered underneath the tree by the lake.
“We’ll need to do further searches tomorrow,” Cas was saying, “but Susana and I are fairly certain that the Obscurial’s still around here. Rowan, you said one of the Professors could help us by leading us to where she last saw the Obsurcial, right? So, after classes tomorrow, perhaps we should– er – who is that?”
The group turned to see you, racing up as the hill as fast as you could, while limping and desperately clutching onto your hood to keep it over your head.
“Well, speak of the Devil - that’s the very Professor,” Rowan said, with laughter in his voice.
Cas hesitated. “Does she… Has she ever learned how to run?”
Tristan snorted.
“She’s limping,” Susana realized. “Why is she limping?”
“She was trying to tell me off, when the Giant Squid sided with me,” Tristan replied.
Susana looked at her Master with a politely confused stare, while Cas gave it to Tristan straight, asking him, “Did the heat fry your brain, Tristan? What the hell are you talking about?”
Rowan interrupted, “Anyways, shall we return - ?” He fell silent, however, when he heard a feeble cry of “Wait! You’re not healed yet!” ring out, and then, Remus Lupin came sprinting up the hill back towards the castle, with bandages falling out of his arms. At once point, a tiny metal container flew out of his arms and clanked its way merrily down the hill. Cursing, Remus ran back and picked it up before running up towards the castle again.
“All right,” Cas said uncertainly, “maybe no one at Hogwarts is in their right mind.”
Tristan agreed easily, “Yes. Explains a lot about Rowan, doesn’t it?”
Rowan sighed. “I used to think it was the Obscurial that made you such an ass, but it turns out that it’s just you.”
Tristan smirked. “I do like to think that I out-sassed the Obscurial. But we’ll see.” However, his voice turned business-like as he said, “Tomorrow night. Let’s hunt that Obscurial down.”
* * * * * * * * * *
You entered the castle far ahead of Remus. Even injured, you were quite quick on your feet. Part of it, of course, was motivated by the desperation you felt because the Fox was close to bursting out of you.
Not thinking straight, you simply went where your feet took you. Once in a private space, you collapsed onto the floor, ignoring the pounding in your head, the tightness in your stomach, and the warmth blossoming between your legs. You buried your face in your hands.
I told you, the Fox said, both pitying you and exasperated with you, being near that man, Remus, will only lead to my taking over you more quickly.
Just then, Remus’ head popped up from the trapdoor-like opening in the floor. Of course he knew where to find you. He instinctively knew you’d be up here, in your hiding spot.
Seeing you on the floor, curled up in your cloak and trembling slightly, Remus hurried over to you. “You’re not well. Let me help you - ”
“You can’t.”
Remus paused. “What?”
You finally sat up. Remus watched as your cloak slipped off of you. She really does have ears, and tails, even.
“What are you?” Remus wondered aloud. For a moment, his heart fluttered hopefully. Is she also a were-creature? Because then… she might not be in danger from me anymore.
However, his happiness only lasted a brief second, for he realized what he was hoping for. No! How could you hope for that? he admonished himself at once. You know how isolating and draining it is to be a werewolf. How could you wish that upon Lovely?
But then, the tiny voice whispered in the back of his mind, what is she?
The intense shame and heartbreak you were feeling, just from seeing the way Remus was looking at you, carved out a huge space in your soul, leaving in hollow. You gasped and clutched at your chest.
Child, I can’t hold back much longer. Your soul is at risk! the Fox cried out warningly.
Remus’ eyes became steely, as he realized that you were hurting. “Never mind,” he said decisively. “No time for explanation. Just tell me – how can I help you?” He made to reach out and take your hand, to help you up, but you pushed his hand away – not angrily, but sorrowfully.
“You can’t,” you repeated.
Starting to get frustrated, Remus pressed, “Why not? Is it because you can’t trust me?”
“No,” you whispered, while still clutching your chest, “I know you truly want to help me. You’re as gentle and kind as ever. The truth is – Every time I see you, I remember exactly why I fell in love with you. But I have to move on from you, Remus. Trust me, I’ve been trying my hardest to get over you.”
Remus blinked. She still isn’t over me? Did I hear her right?
You continued, “I know it’s what you want, too. You’ve never wanted my love, and I don’t want to be someone who makes your life more difficult by pressuring you to accept my feelings. I’m sorry about everything, but the truth is – the truth is - ”
Remus’ heart ached as he took in your words, as he regretted how much you had understood his feelings for you, but the fact that you might still be in love with him started to make his heart lift hopefully – only, your next words came crashing down on Remus as brutally as an avalanche, as you whispered, “You hurt me, too. Maybe you didn’t mean to, but you have no idea how it felt when…”
You took a deep breath. Eyes shut tightly, you said the words that had been eating away at you ever since that fateful day where Remus had abruptly ended things with you: “You cut my heart right out of my chest, when you didn’t even let me hold onto you. I said that I’d be anything you wanted me to be for you, and I meant it, and you still didn’t want me.”
Little one! the Fox yelled desperately. She rammed her snout hard against the inside of your chest. Stop yourself! Stop it! You’re going to - !
Darkness enveloped your mind. Eyes closed, body limp, you fell back onto the floor.
Remus stared in shock at you for a second, as a hundred different realizations and emotions swirled in his soul and cut at his heart. Then, his brain clunked back into action. He fell to his knees and he hurriedly put his head to your chest – thankfully, your heart was still going.
“Lovely,” he murmured desperately, as his arms came around you, and he hugged you to him tightly, “Lovely, answer me. Please, wake up! Lovely…!”
Just then, the last rays of the sun bled out over the horizon. As one wall of this strange attic room was composed entirely of glass, the heavy blood-orange light of the sun shone through intensely and blinded Remus for a second. Wincing, he turned his head away. He blinked hard, trying to get his vision back - only to see, pinned on the wall, a single piece of parchment. You had put the note back up on the wall when you first returned to Hogwarts. It a note that said, in loopy, uncertain cursive: “Thanks for the chocolate.” All of your notes on the Nine-Tailed Fox never made it back up on the wall – but that one did.
Remus broke. It struck him how much time had passed since he had last held you in his arms, and how the last time he had seen you, he had been convinced that breaking up would ultimately, make you happier. But you seemed to be suffering just as much as he was, so maybe even the one, noble, self-sacrificing thing Remus had tried to do in his life hadn’t even amounted to anything…
Eyes wet, Remus held you tighter in his arms and then, burying his face against your neck, he pressed his lips against your neck. He whispered aloud the words that he had always held in his heart, that killed him little by little, every time he saw you, because you were still (and undoubtedly would be forever) the girl he first fell in love with. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The whole point of – of our not being together – was for you to be s-safe and happy…”
But what was this? You were turning so cold, even though you were in his arms. Startled, Remus pulled back and looked down at you. To his terror, frost began to appear on your hands, your shoulders, your throat, your chest, even on your cheeks.
“Lovely,” Remus breathed out, in a hushed, scared voice. What’s happening to her? Did I somehow do this to her? Or has she been suffering like this the whole time, and I didn’t know? Remus’ warm tears splashed onto your face, washing away the frost threatening to creep up onto your face. But the rest of your body became steadily colder.
At that moment, when Remus felt the most helpless, that incredible survival instinct that was buried deep beneath his gentleness, even deeper than his dark self-hatred, suddenly took over. Get help for Lovely, it growled to him. No time to waste. Go. Go. Go.
Remus’ brow furrowed, his eyes narrowed, and his jaw became set. With that look of grim determination, he picked you up and quickly exited the room, focused only on doing whatever it would take to save you.
Tagged Users: @areomalfoy @saltstacks
#fanfic#fanfiction#harry potter imagine#harry potter smut#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#rowan scamander#rowan scamander x reader#tristan graves#tristan graves x reader#foxtail and wolfsbane
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i have an idea.
i want to start a new au, or two.. which one first?
#risen rambles :d#jack hughes#jack hughes imagine#jack hughes blurb#jack hughes fic#jack hughes x reader#jack hughes x y/n#trevor zegras oneshot#quinn hughes#risen answers 👋#risen#risen questions her existence 🦕#sidn#sidney crosby imagine#sidney crosby#sidney crosby fanfic#sidney crosby fanfiction#sidney crosby x reader#evgeni#evgeni malkin#tristan jarry#po jo#po joseph#ryan graves#lars eller#michael bunting#kris#pitt#pittsburgh penguins#luke
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I have absolutely no ideas for writing whatsoever pleaseplease leave requests!!! Smut, angst, fluff, whatever y’all want I can probably do.
Ill write for these people and probably more that I forgot (all male character x fem!reader) :
Formula 1:
Max Verstappen
Lando Norris
Oscar Piastri
Charles Leclerc
Pierre Gasly
Lewis Hamilton
Carlos Sainz
Daniel Riccardo
Mick Schumacher
Criminal Minds
Spencer Reid
Aaron Hotchner
Derek Morgan
David Rossi (preferably young)
Marvel:
Bucky Barnes
Tony Stark
Thor
Sam Wilson
Deadpool
Steve Rogers
Spiderman (Tom Holland, Andrew Garfield, Miguel O'hara)
Call of Duty
Keegan Russ
Simon "Ghost" Riley
König
Phillip Graves
Kyle "Gaz" Garrick
Star Wars:
Anakin Skywalker
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Kylo Ren
Luke Skywalker
Han Solo
Outer Banks:
JJ Maybank
Rafe Cameron
Topper Thornton
John B. Routledge
Harry Potter:
Harry Potter
Cedric Diggory
Draco malfoy
Ron Weasley
Fred Weasley
Blaise Zabini
Regulus Black
Severus Snape
Tom Riddle
Sirius Black
Lorenzo Berkshire
Oliver Wood
The Walking Dead:
Glenn Rhee
Daryl Dixon
Rick Grimes
Carl Grimes
Miscallaneous:
Jack Champion (Ethan Landry)
Patrick Bateman
Batman (Christian Bale)
Johnathan Crane
Finnick Odair
Josh Hutcherson (Peeta Mellark, Mike Schmidt, Sean Anderson, Clapton Davis)
Rodrick Heffley
Colby Brock
Sam Golbach
Tristan Dugray
Dylan O'brien
Jude Bellingham
Joao Felix
Bellamy Blake
Patrick Dempsey (Derek Shepherd, Ronald Miller)
Joe Goldberg
Timothee Chalamet (Wonka, Paul Atreides)
Minho (The Maze Runner)
Keanu Reeves (John Wick, Neo, Alex Wyler, Dr. Beckham, Julian Mercer, Ted Logan)
Jim Halpert
Farkas
Ulfric Stormcloak
Miraak
Ben Schnetzer (Max Vandenburg, Brad Land, Russ Sheppard)
Brock Purdy
Ralph Macchio (Daniel Larusso, Johnny Cade)
Dallas Winston
Sodapop Curtis
Robby Keene
Zuko (atla dallas liu)
Jet (atla sebastian amoruso)
Cillian Murphy (Johnathan crane, jackson rippner, Neil Lewis)
Evan Peters (all ahs characters, Luke cooper)
What I wont do:
Pedophilia
Beastiality or anything animal-y
Waterworks
Male reader (sorry)
Character x character
Threesomes or anything not 1x1
Character x oc
Specific body types (i just don’t see the point)
Daddy/mommy kinks
Incest or stepcest
(I’ll prob have to add on but its midnight rn)
#f1#f1 imagine#angst#f1 x reader#formula 1#formula 1 smut#formula1#criminal minds fluff#criminal minds#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid#aaron hotchner#aaron hotch x reader#derek morgan#derek morgan x reader#max verstappen angst#max verstappen imagine#charles leclerc#oscar piastri#oscar piastri x reader#lando norris#lando norris x reader#sebastian stan#sebastian stan x reader#marvel#marvel imagine#bucky barnes#chris evans#rodrick heffley#sam and colby
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(The meme is not by me.)
If you fancy learning more about me and my writing, feel free to venture below the cut.
KindListener/ArcaneChariot are the main usernames I go by on Tumblr/AO3/X/etc.
I write for many, many, many pairings, such as; Borsalino/Taro Midori (OC), Cap Hatfield/Theodore Stanhope (OC), Don Pierce/Kurt Ackerman (OC), Dorian Grey/Basil Hallward, Eli Klaber/Stephan Wolff (OC), Shang Tsung/Liu Kang, The Corinthian/Alistair Moreau (OC), Viktor Vector/V as well as a whole bunch of /Reader stuff and that's just scratching the surface! Recently, I've been writing Henry Christmas/FTM!Reader/George Moody, Herbie (Gypsy)/M!Reader, Nicky Frazer/M!Reader, Tristan Farnon/Gordon Abram (OC) and other pairings involving Petey characters.
Honestly, I don't read all that much that isn't my work because I'm usually writing, studying or planning to write.
I've always been a writer, even back before I was on the internet, back in the olden days. 👴🏻👴🏻 I once made a TA cry after I unknowingly wrote a gorefic when I was 11. I still feel bad about that...
The first fic I wrote and posted was actually a gift for my brother. It was a Dorian Grey fic because we were both into the movie at the time.
My favourite fic is difficult. I've written a lot that I'm very proud of, such as this Don Pierce fic, this Miracle Guy fic (don't knock it til you try it) and my most recent Trissy fic. But, honestly, I take pride in my art and I try to give people the best content possible.
I couldn't really say which one has been my hardest fic. Honestly, I just kind of give the fic a starting point and some themes/plot-beats and then I let it run it's course. The hardest, I suppose, might be 'The Angel and the Preacher' because it made me question my own spirituality and morality which was quite intense.
Hmm... Research... Honestly probably either 'Safe Haven' or 'The Angel and the Preacher' because you may not realise it but there's a lot to giving birth/being a priest who struggles with his faith/etc. I remember watching so many videos on labour and giving birth and just frantically writing down notes. Still, they were interesting fics to write.
Honestly, the fics most near and dear to my heart tend to be ones I work on with friends; whether that be RPs (like I've done with @the-broken-quill and Lu) or fics that have had art drawn in tandem (like 'The Angel and the Preacher' with @bludpudding's beautiful, beautiful stained glass artwork). I really like sharing my hyperfixes with my friends and making art together. 💛💛
My favourite trope (if you could call it that) would probably be writing trans/intersex characters, usually FTM. As a FTM person myself, I can write from the perspective of a trans person (of course, not all experiences are the same but I tell it from my perspective) and I enjoy getting to get those thoughts and feelings down on paper because it's definitely not represented enough in the fanfic community. However, if we're talking about kinks and things that tend to come up in my work, it'd probably be giving oral or face-fucking or like a daddy kink or something. ISAOJVISAJVVUSDJ
This is detailed on my Caard but I don't write straight, necro, rape, scat or underage content (even though I've been asked to write these previously). F/M content; I don't write straight stuff because I can't really relate to straight people RIP. Necro; I feel it's disrespectful. Underage; just no. Scat; is gross (sorry, scat fans). And rape/SA; I have personal experience with so I don't enjoy sexualising/glorifying it. I have written rape recovery stories, like with this Campion fic, but otherwise I can't stand it.
I couldn't tell you about my favourite scene but I do enjoy the scene in this fic where the Second Corinthian returns to the grave of one of his victims and is approached by the victim's brother. It's a scene about redemption and it was really nice, expanding on the Souvenirs comic like that.
I get my inspiration from many different places. Sometimes it just kind of pops in your head and you're suddenly planning out dialogue for a specific scene and sometimes it's just little scenes like this (where Tris is pretending to be a dog and, of course, I get thinking about pet play)...
The hardest scene I ever wrote... It may be the beginning of this fic, where Devon (my OC) gets the idea to pick up a homeless person and dress them up for a gala they're going to, in order to keep themselves from being forced out of their rich family. It's difficult juggling the struggles of not being accepted by your family, disability and homelessness. Of course, none of them are equal and all are horrible issues to have but trying to keep the main character sympathetic in such a situation is definitely difficult.
My favourite characterisation might be in 'Safe Haven'. Seeing Don Pierce go from being this rough, tough mercenary to the caring father of twins was definitely a journey that I had to go on with him.
God, I want to write continuations to so many fics. The first choice would be writing a continuation to 'The Angel and the Preacher', which is in the works but it's a very emotion-heavy work so it requires absolute concentration and I'd be scared of it not being as good as the first chapter. Possibly a sequel to this fic but, again, I'd be scared of it not being as good as the first part.
This is all my OC work ever. Because OCs take a lot of getting used to and a lot of characterisation and a lot of lore-building, I feel like a lot of readers just want something they can pick up and instantly know what's going on. But I'm also guilty of being lazy and not wanting to do all the world-building and character design and lore so I'm just as bad. But, whenever I post a Character/OC work, I'm always scared that my views will go down and that's definitely reflected in my stats. Still, when I do write for my OCs, I really enjoy it.
"Mmmnn... You're not a shark, you're a puppy, but I can work with that. I'll make you the cruelest, most devious mutt at the firm... Soon enough, you'll be able to rip your colleagues apart and you'll thank me for it. Isn't that what you want?" (from an unposted Callahan WIP.)
'WOW that was amazing! the story, the characters and of course the second part. i was giggling and blushing like a little innocent girl. thank you very much it's a great work!' Honestly, it's the little things. People don't have to pour their hearts out to me and gush about my work. Just little comments like that make my day. 🥹🥹
I have so many WIPs and discontinued works, whether that be from just switching hyperfixes or being booted out of a fanbase. 🥲🥲 But, for the most part, I manage to finish my fics, even if it's like getting blood from a stone...
Personally, I'm subscribed to bludpudding, FanFicReader01, QuoteMyFoot and ZeroEchoBravoSeven.
I would recommend some fics but I just spent ages doing the links and Tumblr didn't like it so like just here's the link to my bookmarks. Go wild.
This was really fun! I hope you got something out of this and maybe even added a couple fics to your reading list.
If you got this far, I love you and I hope you have a wonderful day. 💛💛
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Weekly Reading Update (04/15/24)
Reviews and thoughts under the cut
The Buried and the Bound by Rochelle Hassan (8/10)
This was a quick reread since I'm going to be reading The Summer Queen, the sequel, and I actually liked this one more the second time around! It has a sort of casual interaction with the fantastical that I love, and Aziza, Leo, and Tristan are all great characters with unique ties to each other. There are some points where I think things are just a little too convenient or rushed, but those mostly happen early on and the plot is cohesive and strong for the rest of the book.
House of Crimson Hearts by Ruby Roe (3/10, DNF @ 50%, 18+)
As I've mentioned, I was excited for this one since sapphic fantasy romances are few and far between. Unfortunately, this book was just a mess. The main characters have wildly inconsistent characterization, and it's so obvious the author wrote in certain worldbuilding elements to make them have sex without working out their issues and hatred for each other. The worldbuilding is atrocious; despite the typical vaguely historical fantasy setting descriptions and the lack of anything like lightbulbs, phones, or really any technological advancement, the final straw for me was the remote control vibrator that made its appearance halfway through. There's absolutely no effort to build a sensible setting for the story, which is barely there in the first place. The actual plot was just beginning when I DNF'd--halfway through the book! An unfortunate letdown.
To Gaze Upon Wicked Gods by Molly X. Chang (CR, 53%)
This was another highly anticipated read of mine and, unfortunately, it's not living up to my hopes. I think a lot of flaws lay in the writing, which is clunky and over-descriptive, taking time away from character and plot developments. The worldbuilding is interesting, but it's inserted in very awkward infodumps, and a lot of the elements that caught my attention aren't being given a lot of page time.
Wolf Gone Wild by Juliette Cross (CR, 33%)
On one hand, this is shaping up to be a brainless, fun fantasy romance, just like I thought it'd be. On the other hand, there is a place for your fandom rants, and your published novel is not it. If I wanted to read about this author's undying love for Reylo or Wolverine, I'd check out their social media. I should not have to slog through a whole chapter of the main character perusing a comic book shop so the love interest can say she's so 'quirky' and 'passionate.' It's unfortunate because the rest of the book is meeting my expectations so far.
Island of Graves by Lisa McMann (CR, 18%)
This is another book with a major pro and con. Pro: Alex instantly gave up searching for Aaron, finally letting Aaron reap the consequences of his actions. Con: Alex instantly gave up searching for Aaron, ruining the cliffhanger of the last book. If you're going to introduce a huge future plot point at the end of a book to get readers to continue your series, you can't immediately backtrack on it. This is a symptom of this series' issues as a whole, desperately trying to maintain the status quo for seven whole books, and stunting the plot and character growth in the process.
Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice (CR, 6%)
I've barely started this one, but for now it's just sort of decent. I'm vaguely intrigued by the vampire's story, but it's also tough to get attached when a lot of the details, such as people's actual names, are missing.
#books#reading update#the buried and the bound#rochelle hassan#house of crimson hearts#ruby roe#to gaze upon wicked gods#molly x chang#wolf gone wild#juliette cross#island of graves#lisa mcmann#interview with the vampire#anne rice
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Part 6C - Vikings: Kissed by Fire
Summary: (Y/N) discovers more of what could have been and fights for her happiness.
Pairings: Ragnarssons x stepmom reader (platonic), Ragnar x reader (romantic), Tristan (OC) x reader (platonic?)
A/N: Please let me know your thoughts about this chapter, I seriously hope it turned out okay.
The following morning, (Y/N) awoke with a tired sigh as she stretched out on her bed feeling refreshed after a night of celebration. Unlike most in attendance, she had paced the number of drinks that she had and would pass off some to other people to avoid waking up with a hangover. Considering that Ragnar had stormed off from the room the previous night, she wasn’t necessarily worried as they rarely ever managed to stay angry at one another for very long. Both felt it a waste of time to hold onto their anger from arguments and would likely have another conversation later in the day.
She readied herself for the day and stepped out to see her brothers off for their hunt on behalf of Bjarke’s name day. All nine of her brothers, Ragnar, Ubbe, Hvitserk, Bjorn and many of the men were making last minute preparations for their hunt. Antonius the eldest spotted her and called her forward.
“Come to see us off, dear sister?” Antonius asked.
“Something like that” she said as she looked amongst the group. “Are Tristan and Matteo not joining the rest of you?”
“Tristan has fallen ill and Matteo had too much to drink apparently wishing to sleep it off” he said.
Before she could ask him more, her other brothers rowdily tussled and caught her attention.
“(Y/N)!” Bjarke called out. “Are you prepared for the dishes that you will be making for my name day?”
“No need to worry, I will have it done by the time you all return and bring the meat from the hunt.”
At this her brothers cheered along with Ubbe and Hvitserk. While Ragnar kept quiet, his back turned to her. It was obvious that some of his anger still lingered, but she ignored it and stepped forward to kiss his cheek fondly.
“Watch out for our boys Ragnar, make sure they come back without a scratch” she warned.
“You know I will” he responded gruffly. “I shall see you later this evening.”
With that, the men headed out and the boys cheerfully following as it would be their first major hunt with the older men until they received their arm ring. She waved them off and went back inside to wake up Sigurd, Agnar, and Kari to eat their breakfast.
She casually went about her day; taking care of the children, leaving various dishes to simmer and cook slowly over the fire as she waited for the day’s hunt, and going into town for some of the ingredients that she was running low on. It was some time after mid-day that things began to shift. Her lithe hands making quick work of hanging laundry to dry out in the sun, and out of the corner of her eye could spot a hunched figure near the bushes.
Rather than make it obvious that she had spotted the man, she leaned down to reach into her basket and inconspicuously reach for the dagger that she had hidden beneath the sheets. She picked up another sheet with the dagger underneath it as the man snuck up behind her. As he reached to grab her arm, she threw the sheet over him to block his sight and quickly stabbed the dagger between his ribs as she twisted it in deeper.
With a gurgle, the man’s lungs slowly filled with blood and he fell to his knees as he struggled for breath. A scream from Kari grabbed her attention that were followed by the cries of Sigurd and Agnar calling for their mother. (Y/N) quickly removed the dagger and pushed him aside as she rushed inside her home to look for her children.
“Enar!” she growled for one of her men. “Check everywhere and apprehend everyone that does not live here!”
The man was swift to carry out her orders as she rushed toward her children’s room. The sounds of battle could be heard outside and this only urged her even more to reach her children, only slowing down when she stood in front of the door to the room. Inside she could hear Agnar growling in frustration as Sigurd was shouting angrily to the trespasser to let their sister go.
She pushed open the door slowly as the man had his back turned to her and stealthily pulled out the sword that she had placed beneath their box of toys. Upon spotting his mother, Agnar went silent and it alerted the man of her presence as he turned with his sword at Kari’s throat.
“Release my daughter this instant Matteo!” (Y/N) scowled.
“You are in no place to make demands (Y/N),” Matteo sneered. “I could easily slit her throat if you make me so inclined by making demands.”
Both Sigurd and Agnar scurried to (Y/N)’s side, holding onto her skirts as she kept some distance away from the man all the while making sure that no harm fell on Kari. Her daughter whimpered in fear, tears streaming down her face and gripping tightly onto the hand that held her back from rushing toward her mother.
“You will move out of my way (Y/N) and no harm comes to the girl” Matteo said.
“You must swear on your mother’s grave that no harm comes to her” she said.
“On my mother’s grave, your daughter will not come to any harm” he swore.
Hesitantly, she moved aside as she kept her sword in front of her defensively as Matteo kept his eyes on her while he moved out of the room and into the throne room. (Y/N) along with Sigurd and Agnar followed after him, where Aslaug was seated on her throne with Ivar held protectively in her arms.
“Siggy, Agnar! Go stand by Aslaug!” (Y/N) ordered as she rushed forward.
Matteo was swift to move Kari away from him and his sword clashed against his own, strong and quick blows between the two.
“Give up (Y/N), you have no hope of beating me. Soon enough my men will have overpowered the men that stayed!” he taunted.
“This is my home and children that you threatened! Do not think that I will let you get away from me that easily without paying the price for your actions!” she growled.
In the midst of their battle, Matteo impatiently rushed forward as she continued to keep him at bay. His swing was too wide and she ducked beneath the blade, turning on her heel and kicking him behind the knees making him buckle briefly.
(Y/N) wasted no time in striking him from the side, but Matteo blocked her as he attempted to regain his footing under her relentless attacks. He grunted in pain as a particular blow from above twisted his wrist awkwardly. It was in the next strike that his sword flew from his hand with a harsh clang and had her sword an inch from his neck.
He swallowed harshly nearly nicking his throat with the blade and the doors of the grand hall burst open to (Y/N)’s men flinging in a small number of Matteo’s own onto the floor with their arms behind their backs. As the burly men were swift to apprehend Matteo similarly to the few that they had spared.
Matteo scowled even as he was forced onto his knees by the men that served (Y/N), lazily she swung the sword in her hand as she walked up the steps to her throne beside Aslaug. She tilted her head as an amused smirk graced her lips, she bent down to look at him in the eye.
“You’re a rather stupid man, Teo. I had hoped that during these years, you would have become a smarter man but you proved me wrong” she snickered. “Did you sincerely believe that I wouldn’t remember how you treated me and take precautions? How ambitious of a man is your father that he would risk his bastard son to have all blame placed on him and have you try to take over in the absence of some of our men?”
“You had always been a frail and ignorant woman, unable to hurt a thing. Your father had spent the majority of your life keeping you naïve and away from men” Matteo scowled.
“Although it is true that my father kept me away from certain things, my Nana most certainly did not. She taught me a valuable lesson early in life; never trust men. She said, a father will protect his daughter and instill it into his sons to protect their sister but to never trust any man that the only thing they will ever be loyal to is their coin.”
“I do not trust the men under my employment, but they are loyal to the coin that I provide for them. I supply them with coin and they in turn make sure that my children and I are safe, should anything happen to us. Those men know that they will lose the one that feeds them if any harm came to us” she said.
Motioning for her men to open the doors, they were quick to bring in a confused Tristan who was also brought to his knees before his former lover.
“What is the meaning of this (Y/N)? I was harshly woken up by these brutes without explanation” said Tristan.
“Perhaps you can ask your brother, the one that placed my children’s lives in danger” she hissed.
Matteo turned away from his younger brother’s expression of bewilderment, preferring to remain silent.
“You were going to have Tristan take the blame, weren’t you? I knew things were off when my brother said you had too much to drink and Tristan was ill” she said. “Even in illness, Tristan would have pushed to join the hunt and you drank the same that I did last night. I kept track of the drinks.”
“You were supposed to be m-“ Matteo muttered.
“Speak up!” she hissed.
“You were supposed to be mine!” Matteo growled. “All those years ago, you were supposed to marry me and this bastard went behind our backs to court you. He completely wrecked our father’s plans by being with you and Tristan was almost disowned if he had asked to marry you.”
“Is this true?” (Y/N) as a look of sadness washed over her features.
“Yes,” Tristan admitted. “The day that you told me to ask your father for permission, my own father threatened to disown me as it interfered with his plans to have an arranged marriage between you and Matteo. He knew that your father would give you the final say on your marriage and our relationship ruined that.”
“I loved you Tristan and my father didn’t care that you were the bastard son, yet you couldn’t fight for us. You broke my heart and only cared about yourself.”
“I loved you and I still love you (Y/N)” Tristan cried.
“But I don’t” (Y/N) said roughly. “I married a great man, and will be with him until one of us dies. What once was, can no longer be. All because you were too weak willed.”
Tristan at least had the decency to look ashamed, while Matteo merely glared at her bitterly.
“When my brothers, sons, and husband return I will have them decide whether to give you mercy because I won’t have your blood on my hands.”
----------------------------
It was later that evening, that her family returned with the meat from their hunt and were surprised to find Matteo tied up alongside his men with Tristan seated beside them in shame. (Y/N) was quick to inform them of the events that occurred while they were away, and Ragnar would have chopped off Matteo’s head clean off his shoulders when he heard about how he threatened the life of his children, Kari in particular.
"Despite the previous years of friendship between our families, this betrayal cannot go unpunished" said Gunnar. "Perhaps you can chop off the harm that held the blade instead, long will be his suffering."
Heeding his brother in laws words, Matteo had his right arm chopped off and thr same punishment was dealt to the men that were spared in battle. It would be the following morning after the bountiful feast that (Y/N) had made for Bjarke's name day. That Matteo and his men were forced onto a boat that would take them back to Iberia.
Tristan lingered on the dock and stood before Ragnar and (Y/N) as well as the children with hesitancy.
"Perhaps I have no right Ragnar, but take good care of (Y/N). I was not man enough to fight for the woman I loved, and you have the great privilege of calling her your wife. Cherish as I should have done" said Tristan with a watery smile as he turned to (Y/N). "I am sorry that it took me this long to ask forgiveness for my mistake, but know that I shall always care for you even if you do not."
(Y/N) took Tristan's hands in her own and squeezed them tenderly, "I will always look back on our time together fondly. But it is in the past and it must now be put behind us, because I have found my happiness here."
She proceeded to let his hands go and gently lean into Ragnar as all the children huddled closer to her.
"This is where my happiness is Tristan. I crossed an ocean of misery to find it" she said.
"That is all I could hope for (Y/N)" Tristan said. "Farewell what could have been."
"Farewell" she whispered, holding her family tighter.
----‐--------------
Tag list:
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@princesscornbread
@ivarthebloodyking
#vikings#vikings fanfic#ragnarssons x reader#ragnar x reader#bjorn x reader#ubbe x reader#hvitserk x reader#sigurd x reader#ivar x reader#x reader#x reader insert#kissed by fire#x stepmom reader
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Now
Tristan Ludlow x reader
Word Count: 1.2k
Warnings: bleeding, guns, getting shot
Author’s Note: Okay I should probably sleep now but I wanted to do this one tonight while I was one a role, I hope you like it! It’s been a while since I’ve seen the movie so I’m pretty sure this was what you were talking about? I sure hope so lol
Requested: by anon, Hello again, I thought of another Tristan request. After Tristan comes home to find out his father had a stroke, he finds the caretaker (reader). Later on when the shootout happens between the sheriff’s men and the Ludlows, she’s hurt in the crossfire, but brushes it off to help defend the family. Tristan finds out later and tends to her while Alfred and One Stab take care of the bodies, and realizes she had to be tough to help his father, let alone take a bullet for him. Thank you!
Summary: the request!
Genre: fluff
(not my gif) (HOT HOT HOT)
You had never met Tristan before his father had a stroke. He had been away and you had only seen the pictures. On the other hand, Tristan didn’t even know you existed until he came back home and when he saw you, if it hadn’t been for such grave purposes, he would have thought you were something else for sure.
When he first met you he thought about when he was young and reckless (not that he wasn’t plenty reckless now) and how he would have pounced on any idea that you could ever like him like a lover. You reminded him of those days, as did the rest of his home.
Tristan had taken to you pretty quickly after meeting you. He thought you were a kind heart with enough spunk to keep up with him enough of the time. He needed someone who was part of the family but not part of the family per say. Plus, anyone who wanted to see him was someone worth keeping around.
While he stuck around the ranch a little bit you stayed up late with him, looking at the stars. He showed you some constellations he had learned as a boy and you told him stories of his father that he had missed while he was away. You were his caretaker but you were also his father's friend which was something Tristan had a hard time wrapping his head around.
And then the shootout happened and his whole perspective of you changed.
It had happened so fast.
You were outside before Tristan was, seeing one of the sherrifs men showing Samuel a gun. You immediately ran over to him, taking him in your arms and away from the man.
“You think it’s fit to show someone his age a gun?!” you chastised. You knew why these people were there and you weren’t about to let them do anything to Tristan let alone Tristan's boy.
“Sorry ma’am. Are you the new lady of the house?” You spit on his shoe and handed off Samuel to one of the other ladies to take him inside. You heard the door open just as Samuel was being taken inside.
“Why you missed your boy's first gun lesson,” the sheriff said. Tristan looked over at you and you gave him some warning eyes.
“Y/N go inside.”
“No. I am not about to let these low lives take you, I’m not gonna let it happen.”
“We aren’t arresting him ma’am,” the sheriff said as though you didn’t already know that. You scoffed and Tristan walked in front of you so that you weren’t in the way of any bullets. You let him although you were watching every gun in case something happened.
“You take me out to the woods. I don’t want my boy to see.” You were going to say something but Tristan grabbed your arm firmly and you didn’t say anything. Behind you though, Tristan's father was stumbling out the door, holding a gun he intended to use.
You turned just as he fired the first shot and then everything was a blur.
As a caretaker you knew you should put yourself in front of the man you were working for but the first thing you did was move in front of Tristan. You blocked him from a rising gun that soon fell.
All eyes turned to Alfred and then there was silence across the ranch. You turned around and found Tristan was alright, along with his father. You quickly rushed to check on him and Tristan watched you do it.
At first you didn’t even notice the bullet you had taken for Tristan. You thought it was just regular side pain but you soon felt some blood seeping through your white shirt you were pretty sure you had stolen from Tristan.
Alfred and One Stab began taking care of the bodies and Tristan put a hand on your shoulder, turning you around after you had finished taking care of his dad. His eyes immediately caught the bullet wound in your arm and he went into full protective mode, worried for you as he saw the blood seeping through your (his?) shirt.
“Oh my, Y/N-” he started and you shook your head.
“It’s nothing Tristan I can tend to it-”
“No you can’t. That’s a bullet wound. You took a bullet for me,” he muttered more to himself than you. He rushed you inside beside your wishes and you couldn’t help but feel a little bad at making him take care of you but he went right along as though he had done this a million times before. He ripped at the shirt sleeve and it fell off as he began tending to the wound.
“Tristan-” You winced at his touch.
“You didn’t have to do that,” he whispered. He saw you in a whole new light. He had always thought of you as just his father's caretaker who he liked more than he should. This was more, this was something untouched in a hidden side of you.
“Yes I did.”
You locked eyes for a moment and you wondered if he would ever let this go.
“What would Samuel do if this bullet hit you in the wrong spot?” Tristan shook his head.
“Samuel loves you more than he loves me I think,” he said with a small laugh. His movements had stopped and your eyes were still on one another, tracing each other's features.
You weren’t sure what it was that made you kiss him but it might have been the blinding pain, or maybe it was just his eyes, but you enjoyed it nonetheless. The best part was he enjoyed it even more.
He pulled away, his free hand on your cheek. You leaned into his touch.
“Thank you,” he whispered. You nodded. His eyes were filled with appreciation and love and care.
“You would have done the same thing.”
Tristan wasn’t sure if he would have before this but now, he knew for sure that he would.
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Foxtail & Wolfsbane 36
Summary: Your lifelong obsession to hunt down the Nine-Tailed Fox has not gone as expected, and seventeen years later, you find yourself coming back to the place where it all started: Hogwarts. However, with Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban and Headmaster Dumbledore’s hire of a certain Professor R. J. Lupin, you suddenly find yourself intertwined in the fates of those with whom you thought you had parted ways with long ago.
[Multi-Post Story] [Rowan Scamander x Reader] [Remus Lupin x Reader] [Young Sirius Black x Reader] [Tristan Graves x Reader] [Severus Snape x Reader] *Note: Rowan Scamander, Tristan Graves, Susana Holmes, Cas Carneirus, Henrietta Weiss, Thomas Picquery, and Magdalene Clarke are OC characters.
Note: Part 36 does not contain any smut.
[Warning: Descriptions of Violence/Battle/Death Scene.]
*Please do not repost or copy my work without my permission. Thank You!
☾ Click Here for Foxtail & Wolfsbane Home Page (All Chapter Links) ☾
“Remus Lupin is a werewolf.”
Your head buzzed frenetically as memories crashed, ruptured, and played out in a million tiny pieces in your mind:
“My mother’s health…”
“Prefect duties…”
“Studying alone for my exams…”
“Feeling under the weather…”
“An Order mission…”
----------
“Recurring scars reminiscent from a bite? That’s strange.”
“Why is it strange?”
“Well, it’s rare for any sickness to ‘reoccur,’ as opposed to remaining constant. On top of that, for it to resemble cuts…”
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“You just wanted to help?”
“Yes.”
“You just wanted to help.”
“Um, yes, that’s… what I said.”
“You just wanted to - ”
“- Help, yes - ”
“It’s not your responsibility to help me, sweetheart.”
----------
“I can’t give it to you – that perfect life. It’s not possible with me. Your mother was right about me. Hell, even Sirius would be better for you. At least he could do things with you. Get married, have a family, I can’t even make love to you, sweetheart. I can’t be with you, the way you deserve to be loved. Not without hurting you anyways, and I can’t have that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m sick.”
----------
“I wanted to catch you before you left for your mission.”
“What mission?”
“The mission that’s taking off this afternoon.”
“There’s no mission taking off this afternoon.”
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“Remus, promise me you won’t let Sirius take advantage of you like this.”
“Leave.”
“What did I do? Please, tell me, what did I do wrong? I love you, Remus, please. Why can’t you understand that? Letting you hurt yourself is the same as hurting myself. So, I can’t let you – Do you hate me because I love you too much? I don’t understand. Help me understand.”
“Just go. Please. I can’t be with you anymore. Please, lovely. Don’t make me say it again.”
“But you asked me. You asked me to stay. You said that you… wanted me. Just two nights ago. You said that. Didn’t you?”
“I did, but I can’t – I can’t follow through on t-that promise.”
----------
“Oh, will you look at that? Your heart is all hollow, little one. You’re so very hurt, aren’t you? Like a little bird with a broken wing. You come so willingly, foolish little bird. And how wonderful – for I am so FAMISHED!”
Your mother gasped when she saw the fox ears appear on top of your head.
But you were too far gone to notice. A cascade of tears was pouring down your face as you slowly fell to the floor, overwhelmed by the long-overdue realization of what Remus Lupin truly was. A werewolf. He’s a werewolf.
Your mother carefully knelt beside you. Seeing your face, she immediately recognized you as her daughter, despite the strange ears on your head. What was more, she saw her daughter struggling against a sharp, unforgiving pain.
“Oh, my love,” your mother whispered, seeing the utter heartbreak written all over your face.
“Mum, I really tried,” you whispered. You knew the words would make no sense to her, but you still said them. In your heart, you filled in the blank, over and over again:
I really tried to be there for Remus, to become someone he could trust.
I really tried to move on from him, to do the right thing and become a healthy, full person without him.
I really tried to be there for Rowan, to help him come back to himself.
I really tried to be a good daughter and good sister, even if you don’t think I did.
I really tried to take responsibility for my own dreams, and become someone that could be proud of herself.
“I know,” your mother replied. Regardless of the particulars, she believed you. Ignoring your fox ears, as only a mother could do, she enveloped you in a tight hug.
A still moment passed – and then you bawled in her arms, crying your heart out for all of the ugly, confused, and inescapable emotions scraping at the inside of your soul, widening the hole in your soul.
Your mother murmured softly to you, “Sweetheart, cry all you want. But know that this pain will pass.”
You shook your head. “It won’t, it won’t…”
“It will. All pain passes.” Your mother stroked your hair, as she confessed, “At least, that’s what I decided to believe when your father passed away.”
Your eyes welled up with fresh tears when you realized that you had never truly thought about how heartbroken your mother must have been when your father passed away. You had been so young then and your mother had transformed so quickly into such a hard and stern person that you never saw her grieve. In this moment, you realized, But of course she grieved. And she’s still grieving.
“You remind me of your father,” your mother whispered, and you could hear the tears in her voice. “He used to run off and do things without much thought, either. He used to buy me flowers on random days or ask me to dinner out of nowhere, even after we were married. I used to scold him for being so irresponsible. But that wonderful energy with which he chased life… I loved him for it. And you have that same energy. It’s hard to watch you sometimes, because you are so like him.”
Your mother finally pulled away from you slightly. She looked down at you. She wiped your face as she murmured, “That’s what I mean when I say that the pain passes. It’s not that you get back what you lost. It’s that you find a meaning to that loss in unlikely places. So, be brave. Face life head-on, as you’ve always done.”
Then, with a bemused expression crossing her face, your mother nodded at your fox ears and ordered, “And, whatever you do, for God’s sake, get rid of these ridiculous things.”
You tried to give your mother a watery smile, but you couldn’t quite manage it, and before you knew it, you had burst into tears again.
Your mother caught you once more and hugged you tightly. She rocked you softly in her arms and sang you lullabies you hadn’t heard since you were very, very young - when you knew nothing of the magical world, not even of the Nine-Tailed Fox.
* * * * * * * * * *
Tristan was staring at his pocketwatch. Tick, tick, tick, tick…
“Tristan.”
Closing his pocketwatch and putting it back into his cloak, Tristan turned to see Cas, Susana, and Magdalene enter the room.
“Everything’s in place,” Cas confirmed. “Between the Ministry of Magic and MCUSA, we’ll have forty guards stationed around the perimeter of the Quidditch campsite and field. There will be Order members in disguise within the campsite as well.”
“I’ve done what I could in terms of permits and searches,” Magdalene added. “Strict search procedures have been put into place. It’ll hold up the lines getting in, but it’ll be worth it if we can keep everyone safe tonight.”
“Good,” Tristan said. But then, he noticed Susana shifting uneasily. “What is it?”
Susana looked away from Tristan. “It’s nothing, master.”
“Susana.” Tristan came over to her and looked at her directly. “Tell me.”
Susana looked over at Cas, who nodded at her encouragingly.
Susana sighed. Reluctantly, she began to explain, “You know that we lost track of the Obscurial when I abandoned my watch post over Dolohov to save Black.”
“Yes, I’m aware of that. Are you uneasy because we no longer know where the Obscurial is?”
“Well, yes, but that’s not all.” Susana’s eyes flickered up to Tristan. There were dark pools under her eyes. She looked quite haggard, as if she had not quite in a while. “Ever since I used Dark Magic at the Dolohov residence, I’ve felt a - a distinct calling within my blood. It’s as if the Obscurial is calling to me.” She bit down on her lower lip. “It’s becoming difficult to resist the lure to battle. I fear that if I were to take on the Obscurial, I may break my Vow with you, Master, and cast the deepest of Dark Magic, which I have sworn never to use.”
Tristan searched Susana’s eyes for a long moment. “Do you wish to use Dark Magic? Tell me the truth.”
“No, Master.” Susana shook her head fervently.
Tristan’s gaze slipped past Susana for a moment. Cas met his gaze. She nodded at him.
“That settles it,” Tristan said. “If you don’t wish to use Dark Magic, you won’t. Obscurial or not, no power on this earth will compel you to use magic you do not wish to use. I swear it, Susana.”
Susana blinked. “Master…”
“I made a Vow to you, too, Susana,” Tristan reminded her. “And I plan to keep it.” He smiled slightly as he said, “Besides, you and I are creatures of habit, Susana. It’s up to Cas to roam free. She’s the free spirit here, and I’d like to keep it that way.”
Magdalene wondered, “What does that make me, then?”
“An uptight, pushy, overly flirty spirit,” Tristan replied at once.
Magdalene snorted. “Looking at me must be like looking in a mirror, Graves.”
Cas couldn’t help but quirk her lips up in a small smile.
Tristan seemed not to notice as he nodded at the group. “Very well. I shall see everyone tomorrow night at the Quidditch campsite.”
However, as everyone made to leave, Tristan came up behind Cas. At the doorway, he subtly leaned forward, gently brushed back her hair, and whispered in her ear, “I saw you laughing at me back there, Miss Carnerius. Care to explain yourself?”
Cas whipped around. Tristan ran right into her, but she didn’t budge. Instead, he stumbled back slightly.
“What is there to explain? You are all of the things that Magdalene said you were,” Cas said unapologetically. “You should acknowledge that, Tristan.”
Tristan stared down at Cas for a long beat. For a moment, his gaze seemed quite serious, but despite himself, he softened. “But if I say all of those things are true, you won’t believe it when I say I’m in love with you.”
Cas scoffed. “You denying those things doesn’t make your case any stronger, you know.”
“Ah, is that so?” Tristan reached out and gently touched Cas’ face, brushing her short, auburn hair away from her bright eyes. “Then, I’ll confess…”
Cas lifted her eyebrow and waited for him to go on.
Tristan finished, “... that I’m deeply, deeply in love with you.” A cheeky grin appeared on his handsome face.
Cas frowned. Grabbing his wrist, she took his hand away from her face. “Please. You just want to get the last word in, as always. When will you grow up?”
Tristan laughed. The sound was bright, but it was also gentle, as though he were laughing in defeat. “All right, Cas. You’ve got me. I haven’t grown up yet.”
As Tristan had laughed, a strand of his black hair had fallen forward. He reached up and brushed his hair back from his face. Still gazing at Cas, he murmured, “But someday, I will, and then, if it’s all right with you, I’ll be waiting for you.”
Cas gave Tristan a most skeptical look. “I never know what you’re talking about, Tristan,” she sighed.
Tristan gazed warmly at her. “Just think of it as me wanting the last word – always.”
* * * * * * * * * *
Rowan was sitting in Buckbeak’s room. Buckbeak had nestled up to him and was nipping at his fingers affectionately. Rowan stroked Buckbeak’s head. But as he did, he fell back softly against the wall. He stared out at the dim afternoon light coming in through the window.
It doesn’t feel right for me to be here, Rowan thought. I miss my creatures. Frank, Sil, Nula, Nick, Tia, Vi, Hamish, Roma…
Rowan sighed. His hand slipped from Buckbeak’s head to his neck, as he murmured aloud softly, “What am I doing here?”
Rowan felt the way he had when he had had to follow his father around in the wilderness for years on end, without ever stopping twice in the same place – he felt lost, adrift, and too far from a home he had never quite known.
“I’m lost, Buckbeak,” Rowan confessed. “I don’t want to be here anymore, but I’ve nowhere to go. I wish I could be like you and Frank and call the skies my home…”
* * * * * * * * * *
“Are you ready?”
You numbly looked up at Moody. You could barely see him past the fringe of your hood, which had pulled low over your face, to make sure it wouldn’t be pulled off of your head by the force of the Portkey and somehow reveal your fox ears.
“Lass.” Moody snapped his fingers in front of you. “I said, are you ready?”
You nodded. More than anything, you wanted to come up with an excuse to sit out tonight’s mission, but you remembered your mother’s words about needing to face life head-on.
“CONSTANT VIGILANCE!” Moody suddenly roared, trying to shock you into attention. But even that did not move you today.
“Wake the hell up, girl,” Moody grunted, annoyed that you hadn’t reacted to his trademark shout. He jerked his hand at a plain-looking bucket, which you understood to be the Portkey for tonight. “Hurry and put your hand here.”
You reached out and grasped the bucket.
“You, too,” Moody remarked, speaking to someone who was standing quietly in the corner of the room.
Someone stepped up on the other side of the bucket. It was only when the hand reached out and you recognized the long, graceful fingers and the scars criss-crossing over them, as well as the frayed and patchy sleeves around his wrists, that you realized Remus was your guard duty partner for the next few hours.
Your heart jolted painfully, but you kept your eyes down.
“All right, then,” Moody said gruffly. “Countdown. Five, four, three, two, one…”
The bucket glowed a bright blue – and then, whoosh, you and Remus were off, towards the plains where the Lovegoods’ residence was located.
* * * * * * * * * *
It was a simple mission, actually, as all you and Remus had to do was pick a sheltered spot among the grassy plains and keep an eye on the Lovegood residence, which was quite easy to make out, as it looked like a gigantic chess rook. Or rather, it would have been a simple mission, if you weren’t fighting against the endless tumult of emotions welling up inside of you.
Mercy. Give me mercy, you begged to your own heart. But no such mercy came.
* * * * * * * * * *
A hand clapped Rowan’s shoulder. “Not coming with us tonight?”
Rowan, who was now standing in the living room, and had been speaking with Magdalene, now turned to see Tristan standing behind him.
“No,” Rowan replied.
Tristan shook his head at Rowan. “Still on the fence about this all? You’re a bigger worrywart than I thought.”
Rowan sighed. “I’m the worrywart? How about you stop worrying about me, Graves? You’d best focus on your job now. From what Mag have told me, it could be a hell of a firestorm if that Obscurial really does show up.”
Tristan nodded sagely. “I know, Rowan.” He paused before he remarked, “Thanks for worrying about me.”
Rowan frowned. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing. Just wanted to see how you would react if I said that to you.” Tristan chuckled, as he observed, “You look disgusted.”
Standing across from Rowan, Cas called warningly, “Tristan, Rowan’s right. You have to have your head on straight for tonight. This is no time to play around.”
“All right, Cas,” Tristan replied. “I’ll be serious from now on.” He looked over the team before nodding firmly. “Let’s go.”
* * * * * * * * * *
A long hour passed, with neither you nor Remus speaking.
It was a strange, windy world here, with birds diving in the wide open sky. The wind whistled merrily through the long, swaying reeds that covered the hills here. The air was so distinctly fresh that one would expect to see the ocean nearby, just beyond the hills, but there was no sea here.
Tucked away amidst this awesome landscape, there were two small, solitary figures sitting side-by-side. To a passerby, it would appear as if there were no relation between them, except that they were sitting next to each other.
You closed your eyes and prayed for that objective vision to become truth before the ugly emotions could eat you alive and spit you out as someone you never wanted to be.
Remus kept glancing at you worriedly, for you were keeping your cloak pulled tightly around you and your head down. Besides that, when the Portkey had swished you both off into the traveling portal, Remus had caught a glimpse of your face. You looked exhausted and there was no light in your eyes. It confirmed what he had thought for a while now: that you weren’t well. It didn’t seem to be a simple illness, either, because it wasn’t just that you seemed physically fatigued; rather, it was if your inner flame had gone out.
Meanwhile, as you sat near Remus, you could feel his gentle energy and you sensed the way he kept looking at you worriedly - and for the first time in your life, you cursed him for him.
Why does he still have to be so caring? you thought bitterly. I wish he’d just act indifferent to me.
If only Remus didn’t still feel like the Remus you’d once fallen in love with, you wouldn’t feel so hurt and betrayed right now. But he still was that man. It was killing you to sit here next to him. You felt the jagged, painful tear in your heart widen, and the hole in your soul grew correspondingly.
Watch out, the Fox whispered desperately to you. You have to put away your feelings for this man. He is literally killing you.
You clenched your hands into fists, unconsciously gripping fistfuls of the long reeds around you. You truly tried your best. You tried not to engage with him. You tried to bite down your feelings. You kept your head down, too, never chancing even the merest glance at Remus.
* * * * * * * * * *
Around the same time that you and Remus were whisked off to the Lovegood residence by Portkey, Tristan (along with Cas, Susana, and Magdalene) appeared at the Quidditch match site. His vivid green eyes swept the scene, quickly and carefully analyzing the people before him.
A small, silver Patronus, all but invisible, quickly swept before his eyes.
A lark Patronus – Magdalene, Tristan recognized. She’s sending the all-clear. Good. So, Magdalene will be taking off, heading back to MCUSA.
Tristan closed his eyes. It took him a minute to feel what he was searching for, but he did - that slight trembling of the silver lock necklace on his chest. He was feeling, in a subdued form, the Obscurial’s energy, calling out to Susana.
Inside of his cape, Tristan gripped the end of his wand tightly. All quiet for now, but I sense that the time is approaching.
* * * * * * * * * *
Three more hours had ticked by. Remus checked his pocketwatch and announced, “We should head back to the Portkey. It’s nearly time for it to take off.”
You got up and silently followed Remus.
* * * * * * * * * *
You and Remus were nearly at the PortKey, when the mistake happened - You naturally looked up to see where the PortKey was, and Remus looked back at the exact same time. His tired, hazel eyes caught yours. In the strange, ambient golden light of the sunlight, you saw in his eyes how weary he was - of the world, and of himself.
And for the first time, you truly understood why that was so.
You felt your heart splinter into several pieces. Oh, Remus…
The Fox tried to call out to you, to warn you, but there were so many thoughts running through your head that you didn’t even hear her voice.
You had as many different thoughts as the many pieces your heart had splintered into:
So many years, you kept me in the dark. Now I finally know why.
That werewolf in the Forbidden Forest - Was that you?
No wonder I could never close the gap between us.
Thank you for saving my family.
You must have been so lonely, all that time.
It wasn’t Sirius after all, then.
When were you bitten? Why were you bitten?
I still miss you.
I had no right to know, but if you loved me, why couldn’t you tell me?
Are you in love with Tonks now?
You must be so tired, Remus. Who takes care of you now?
I’m sorry you felt that you couldn’t tell me.
You must be so tired, Remus. Who takes care of you now?
All these years, and you never told me.
You never told me. Why didn’t you tell me?
But in fact, you could guess why he didn’t tell you, at least a little, because of your own experience with the Nine-Tailed Fox. It was embarrassing and frightening to reveal that you were harboring a creature inside of you because you felt that you might be seen as less than human.
However, even if you understood this, it still hurt you so deeply that Remus never told you.
I think, all along, I was waiting for you to tell me – and that would be the same as giving me permission to love all of you. But you never gave me that opportunity. It’s like you never trusted me to love you til’ the end and that’s what hurts most of all.
A pained whisper left your mouth without your permission: “You’re so cruel.”
Remus turned around. “What?”
“I can’t believe you…”
A strong wind blew just then, and a chilling rustle ran through the grassy hillside. It was almost beautiful.
“You can’t believe me? About what?”
“No wonder you always kept your distance. No wonder you never let me in. No wonder…”
Uncertain of what you were trying to say, Remus replied in a soft rush of words, “What are you talking about? Are you unwell? If you’re cold, we can find a more sheltered spot. I can come earlier and find a better place for you next time.”
You didn’t say anything – not because you meant to be silent, but because you were gathering the courage and fighting past the hurt to say what had to be said, at long last…
Just then, Remus’ magical pocketwatch let out a soft chime. Remus reached over and grabbed onto the bucket. He looked over his shoulder at you and called, “Come on! The Portkey will activate soon. We don’t want to get left behind.”
You lifted your head. A cold tear streaked down your face as you said numbly, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Exasperated and confused, Remus said, “What are you - ?”
“You told Sirius and Tonks and even my own mother, but you never told me…”
Remus’ grip on the bucket suddenly became vice-like and he felt a heavy stone drop in his stomach. A sense of overwhelming fear and guilt started to consume him, as he finally began to realize what you were getting at.
Then, you voiced aloud those awful words: “… That you’re a werewolf.”
Remus breathed out.
You stared at him with hurt, unblinking eyes. Your gaze was saying, How could you not tell me?
Remus’ mind was spinning. He felt like throwing up. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, couldn’t think –
Whoosh!
Before he could respond, Remus was whisked off by the Portkey, which had glowed blue and activated without either of you realizing it.
* * * * * * * * * *
Rowan, Tonks, and Sirius were all sitting in kitchen, waiting for you and Remus to appear.
Just then, a haze of blue light appeared in the middle of the kitchen. All three backed away, expecting you and Remus to come spinning into the kitchen.
To Rowan’s horror, however, only Remus came spinning into view. Shit, I knew something was off, Rowan thought at once. I’ve been feeling anxious all day. At first I thought it was just because of our argument last night and because I missed my creatures and then I thought maybe it was because I was worried for Tristan, Cas, Susana, and Mag – but maybe it was a foreboding of this mission all along…
As soon as Remus appeared, he sprinted for the door, to head outside.
However, Rowan, who was far bigger in stature, managed to grab Remus. “Where is she?!”
Remus pushed Rowan’s hand off of his shoulder and made for the door again. As he did, Remus shouted, “I’ve got to get back to her!”
Rowan dashed forward and grabbed Remus by the collar. “Tell me where she is!”
“Oi!” Sirius shouted. “Let go of Remus!”
“Tell me where she is, and I will!” Rowan yelled. Rowan’s grip tightened on Remus’ collar as Rowan all but lifted Remus off the ground.
“She’s back where – where the Portkey was, on Topper’s Hill,” Remus choked out, struggling against Rowan.
Rowan immediately let Remus go, and he ran out of the house.
“No, wait!” Remus yelled. “It’s – It’s got to be me! I’ve got to speak with her!”
Remus made to chase after Rowan, but Sirius grabbed Remus and yanked him back.
“Remus! Come to your senses!” Sirius barked out . “You’re not yourself!”
“No, Sirius, you don’t understand – I hurt her, I hurt her, I hurt her,” Remus protested, pushing Sirius away. “I have to see her, now!”
But Sirius managed to get a hold on Remus again and he pulled Remus further back into the house. “I’m not letting you go after anyone until you’ve calmed down!”
Tonks stepped forward. She was holding a Calming Draught, which she’d managed to find in the kitchen. “Sirius is right,” she said. “Rowan will take care of her. And you need to calm down.”
She reached over and put her hand on Remus’ shoulder.
Remus slumped over. He closed his eyes. “I didn’t mean it to come to this. Not in a million years did I mean to hurt her like this.”
I would have sold my soul to keep her from ever finding out. She was the one person whom I wanted a normal relationship with. To know that her love wasn’t disguised disgust, to know that her kindness wasn’t charity, to know that her anger wasn’t prejudice… At all costs, I wanted her to be her and me to be me… Even if she hated me, at least she saw me as human. But now… But now… But now that relationship is gone forever, and all I’ve done is betray her for these long, already tormented years…
“Remus, what happened?” Tonks asked, worried at seeing him so distraught.
Remus had to swallow several times before he managed to croak out, “She – She found out. She knows. She knows what I am.”
Sirius blew out a long breath. Then, he said honestly, “Well, I don’t see how you could have kept her from knowing for much longer, Rem.”
Remus just shook his head.
Sirius looked at Remus with immense sympathy. But at the same time, Sirius felt that it was his duty to tell Remus the truth, which was that: “She has a right to know, Remus. She always did.”
Tonks’ brow furrowed. “You mean, she didn’t know, all this time?”
Remus hung his head as he confessed, “No. I kept it a secret from her.”
Tonks became confused. As she considered you a normal Order member, she couldn’t understand why only you didn’t know about Remus’ condition when everybody else in the Order was well aware. “Well, it can’t be entirely your fault, Remus,” Tonks said comfortingly. “I mean, she seems quite intelligent, but she’s – er – a bit slow if she didn’t catch on after all of this time. All the Order members know already, after all. If she’s the only one who missed it, I hardly think that’s your fault.”
“She did catch on. She was one of the first to catch on, other than James, Sirius, and Peter,” Remus said quietly. “But she let me have my secret, because she knew I felt uncomfortable telling her. She let me have my space, even though she knew something was strange.”
Remus remembered your letter: the letter you had written him after the two of you had first made love and Remus had left early the morning after out of fear and shame. Remus could still see your handwriting floating before his eyes, spelling out: “I just feel sad, because you must feel that you can’t trust me as completely as I trust you. I don’t want to pressure you. I’m not writing to tell you that you have to tell me what’s going on with you or anything. But I promise that I will work really, really hard to earn your trust and to be someone reliable enough that you feel you can tell me your deepest troubles…”
“Oh, God,” Remus choked out. “What have I done?” He stumbled backwards.
Surprised, Tonks caught him and helped him into a chair. “Remus,” she said, “it’s going to be okay.”
“It wasn’t supposed to come to this,” Remus murmured, putting his head in his hands. “All the many, nonsensical lies I told her – lies that she knew were lies - were to keep her from this pain. Lying to her over and over again, sending her away; what was it all for if not to avoid this?”
Sirius sat down beside Remus. In truth, he thought that Tonks was actually closer to the truth – that it was a near miracle that it had taken you this long to figure out that Remus was a werewolf. But Sirius recognized that it was shocking for Remus because he had so valued his connection with you, his ‘purely human’ connection, as he called it. Now, that connection was gone – in more ways than one. Because not only did you know the truth now, but it was Rowan who had gone after you to comfort you, not Remus. Sirius put his hand on Remus’ shoulder. He murmured quietly, “Sorry, Moons.”
* * * * * * * * * *
Rowan found you on Topper’s Hill.
You had stared at the spot where Remus had disappeared, then meandered thoughtlessly for a while, and then finally curled up into a ball in the middle of the long, swaying grass.
You didn’t think you were crying, but apparently you were, for when Rowan found you, he wiped your face and said reassuringly, “Sweetheart. I’m here. I’m right here.”
Rowan picked you up.
“I’m – I’m fine,” you hiccupped out. “You can put me down.”
Rowan frowned. Even though you were saying that you were fine, your gaze was unfocused and your cheeks were still shiny and bloated with tears.
“I’m going to take you home,” Rowan said firmly.
You took a deep breath. Then, burying your face in Rowan’s chest, you murmured, “Okay.”
Rowan walked a little ways back before he Apparated, while holding you tightly in his arms, where you were warm and safe. Warm and safe, and far away from the Quidditch campsite where terrible things were about to happen…
* * * * * * * * * *
The Quidditch match was over. Everyone was heading back to the campsite, where celebratory parties quickly erupted everywhere.
Through the smoking sparks of fireworks, Tristan saw Cas standing watch at the perimeter. He started to step towards her when suddenly, a yell sounded out.
Tristan stopped and abruptly turned around, wondering if that yell was simply a happy declaration of the parties, or something more sinister.
His question was quickly answered as a far more piercing scream suddenly rang out from the same direction.
There was a volley of shouts, and Tristan could hear several people yelling “Protego!”
Tristan leapt forward, but as he did, he suddenly felt the silver lock on his chest sear up until it was painfully hot.
Tristan groaned. His hand flew to his chest and he instinctively made to yank the necklace off. But then, he stopped himself as he realized that doing so would break the restraints on Susana’s magic.
No, I can’t do that, Tristan thought, frustrated. Else the Obscurial might force her to use Dark Magic, and I promised her that I would never let that happen.
Just then, through the smoke of battle and fireworks and through the crowd of people, many of whom were beginning to shout and rush away, Tristan spotted Susana. Unlike everyone else, Susana was walking towards the screams and instead of running, she was taking slow, deliberate steps.
Oh, no, that must be the Obscurial calling to her! Tristan recognized.
“Susana!” Tristan called, but she didn’t seem to hear him.
“Susana! Stop!” Tristan yelled again, more desperately this time, but Susana kept going, walking forward as though in a trance.
Tristan rushed forward. However, the crowd was now fully swarming in the other direction and Tristan was repeatedly shoved backwards. Still, Tristan doggedly made his way through.
Finally, when Tristan was able to stumble out of the end of the running crowd, he saw before him a dementor, from which a dark, swirling shadow was pouring forth. And – Tristan’s mouth dropped open – for standing before that dementor was Susana, as herself. Her elderly lady disguise had entirely melted away. She stood there, crackling all over with intense, aggressive energy. Her harsh, sharp features had been contorted into a look of intense concentration. Her eyes had taken on a crimson hue. She was gripping her wand so tightly that her fingernails were digging into her palm. Her cloak was beginning to swirl around her, affected by the waves of dark energy rippling out from her soul and body. She lifted her wand.
“NO!” With a roar, Tristan lifted his own wand. “Expelliarmus!”
Susana’s wand flew out of her grasp.
Surprised, Susana turned around. The red hue faded from her eyes slightly. “Master!”
Tristan ran forward. He pushed Susana behind him and turned and faced the Obscurial. Brandishing his wand at the dark mass of writhing energy, Tristan shouted, “You cannot force Dark Magic out of her! She’s her own! And I’ve sworn to protect her!”
Terrible screams erupted from the writhing mass of darkness. “SHE IS A GRINDELWALD! A GRINDELWALD! SHE HAS A DEBT TO PAY! IT’S BECAUSE OF HER THAT WE ARE WHAT WE ARE! SHE MADE US! WE SUFFER BECAUSE OF HER! RIP - KILL - CURSE HER! CURSE HER BLOODLINE!”
Susana groaned, as the Obscurial tried to play tricks on her mind, calling to her and using her guilt to trick her into being swallowed up by it. “COME TO US! IF YOU FEEL ANY GUILT FOR WHAT YOUR BLOODLINE HAS DONE, MAKE IT RIGHT BY FEEDING US. FOR ALL OF THE RAGE WE FEEL, ALL OF THE PAIN WE FEEL IS BECAUSE OF YOU! YOU AND DUMBLEDORE!”
Tristan couldn’t turn around to Susana because the Obscurial was swooping this way and that, trying to get past him to Susana. But Susana, hypnotized by the Obscurial, was trying to get to the Obscurial too. Before long, Susana, in her possessed state, had decided that Tristan could not simply be passed by and therefore needed to be dealt with, so that she could get to Obscurial. Susana’s hands crept up and around Tristan’s neck.
“M-Master…” The part of her mind that was still hers made Susan cry out a feeble warning to her beloved Master, even as her hands squeezed at his neck.
“Ugh!” Tristan choked. “S-Susana, n-no!”
“Master, I’m s-sorry,” Susana whispered desperately. She tried to yank her hands away, but then they came right back.
“Susana! Wake up!” Tristan called desperately. While keeping his wand directed at the Obscurial, he reached up with his other hand to grab Susana’s hands and prevent her from choking him again.
Unfortunately, there was yet another complication as several of the braver spectators among the Quidditch crowd had begun to crowd around the scene to watch what was happening.
YESSSS, the Obscurial hissed victoriously, LET THEM SEE WHAT YOU REALLY ARE – A GRINDELWALD; A MURDEROUS, VIOLENT GRINDELWALD!
Susana’s hands tightened, slipping past Tristan’s hand and onto his neck.
“N-No, S-Susana!” Tristan gasped. “This i-isn’t you!”
Meanwhile, Cas was doing her utmost to corral everyone and have them leave, but it was becoming difficult as more and more people had come back to watch Tristan. “Everyone, back! By Order of MCUSA and the Ministry – get back!” she shouted urgently. “It’s not safe, please!” As she dashed about, shoving people back, she threw a furious look over her shoulder to glance at Tristan and Susana. It was hard to tell through the whirlwind of darkness that was the Obscurial whether Susana was supporting Tristan or fighting against him, but Cas feared the worst. She, and she alone, knew how much Susana had been fighting against the Obscurial’s mental possession over the last few days, to the point where Susana had been so afraid to fall asleep that when she did sleep, she slept holding hands with Cas, so that Cas would wake if Susana lost the battle in her sleep and made to go after Tristan in a tranced state.
The Obscurial recognized its favorable situation, what with the surging crowd. Feeding off of the crowd’s fearful and hyper energy, the Obscurial made its move. “IF YOU WILL NOT COME TO ME, LET US BOTH GO TOWARDS WHAT WE CRAVE - BLOODSHED. USE MAGIC AGAINST ME - I DARE YOU, IT WILL ONLY SERVE TO MAKE ME STRONGER! MAY THE GRINDELWALD NAME EVER BE CURSED IN HISTORY!” With a fearsome scream, the Obscurial erupted.
People began to scream when they saw long, horrific tendrils of nightmare black reaching out at their necks and eyes at blinding speed. A young child was separated from her mother. The mother cried out and ran forward, to get to her child.
“Get back! Get back!” Cas screamed, but it was too late. Cas threw herself forward, to shield the mother and child as they ran to each other. A second later, Cas felt a vicious pain as a dark limb stabbed through her arm. She screamed in pain.
In that moment, Cas suddenly felt as though she had entered a hellish dream. Red and black streaks flashed violently before her eyes.
But then, amidst that chaotic darkness, Cas heard a familiar voice say, in a strangely calm manner, “So, this is what fate is. I know you well, for my father taught me to recognize you. And I become a master of fate by accepting you. Fine, then.”
A tall, dark figure, draped in a signature black cloak, stepped forward. “I’m not afraid of you anymore. After all these years after Mother and Father have passed, it’s about time I… grow up now.”
Abandoning his wand, the figure opened his arms and took the brunt of the Obscurial’s attack all by himself. At that moment, a spiraling jet of dark energy punctured the man’s chest. The silver lock charm exploded and the man’s chest was brutalized heavily at the same time.
Cas screamed, “NO!”
The caped figure staggered back – and yet another figure caught him. This time, the figure was that of a woman’s, glowing with dazzling white energy.
“I also made a vow,” the second figure seethed. “I will never use forbidden Magic. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t defeat you. Angelicus Scourgis!”
A blast of blinding white fire erupted from the end of her wand and spiraled around the writhing, dark mass.
A terrifying scream rang out. “AHHHHHHH! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU TO THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF HELL! WHAT DID WE DO WRONG? WHAT DID WE EVER DO WRONG? WE WERE BORN BECAUSE OF THE MISERY YOU INFLICTED ONTO US! WHY SHOULD WE DIE?”
The dark mass of energy swirled about even more fervently, but it was growing smaller and smaller, being corralled by the great lasso of white flame.
Finally, there was only a sphere of white, glowing flame in the air. The figure slashed her wand in the air - and the sphere disappeared.
* * * * * * * * * *
While Susana had been fighting the Obscurial, Cas had been forced back by the high-velocity winds that had been spinning outwards, pushing everything back from the eye of the battle. Now, though, the storm seemed to have quieted, and Susana and Tristan were mere figures in the cloud of ash and smoke before her.
Cas came forward as quickly as she could and she squinted before her, trying to make out the scene before her. As the cloud cleared, Cas could see them better. Like a shipwreck in an ocean of mist, they slowly appeared as one structure, rising out of the fog.
Susana was standing tall. She was staring up into the air, where the sphere had just disappeared. Her eyes were no longer crimson, but tears were streaking down her face. Slumped over her shoulder was Tristan, whose eyes were closed and whose chest bore a huge puncture wound. His wand had fallen to the ground, as had the pocketwatch he had carried around all through his days.
Cas blinked furiously a few times before she sank to the ground. She stared in disbelief at the sight before her.
“Then, I’ll confess that I’m deeply, deeply in love with you.”
“Please. You just want to get the last word in, as always. When will you grow up?”
“All right, Cas. You’ve got me. I haven’t grown up yet. But someday, I will, and then, if it’s all right with you, I’ll be waiting for you.”
“I never know what you’re talking about, Tristan.”
“Just think of it as me wanting the last word – always.”
The last word? Cas breathed out heavily as she realized what Tristan had meant, what he had been preparing her for. She shut her eyes tightly. I hate you. I hate you so much. You’ve always made me wait. You made me wait when we started out as mission partners and you were slower than me at Tracking, but you still wanted to tag along and I had to wait for all the damn time. You made me wait because you were afraid Susana would hurt me, but you wanted to protect her. You made me wait because you thought everyone would attribute my success to you if they found out that you loved me. You made me wait because you thought the Obscurial within your soul would overwhelm you and attack me. You made me wait because you thought that pocketwatch of yours would decide your death any day now – and you were right. But now you’re going to make me wait until my whole life has passed to love you?
And you know I will. You know I will, you bastard. I hate you so much, Tristan Graves. I hate that you tell me you love me all the time and I hate that you’re sincere about it. I hate that you know I love you back and I hate that you’re okay with me not saying that I’m in love with you. I hate that you’re wrapped up in old magic and that you shoulder that responsibility so well, even when it takes so much of your own life away from you. I hate that you found a way to make peace with and love your parents, even though they’ve been gone most of your life. I hate that you always brag about me to everyone else, saying how good I am at Tracking, when you were the one who helped me through all of the Auror trials other than Tracking. I hate that you try to act like you’re fine when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I hate that you knew you were going to sacrifice yourself and you didn’t even give me a chance to save you, just prepared my heart for it – as if you could prepare me for being apart from you. Tristan… Tristan! Come back, please. I waited so patiently for you. I waited until we could properly be together to tell you that I love you so much, so very, very much.
“Cas…” Susana knelt down before Cas and grasped her gently by the shoulders to pull her up. Susana had already laid Tristan down and covered his body with her own cape.
Meanwhile, the crowd around them was murmuring:
“Isn’t that a Grindelwald?”
“Yeah, that’s Grindelwald’s daughter! I recognize her from the old papers!”
“But didn’t she just save us from that Obscurial?”
“So – what? Are you saying she’s not evil?”
“I don’t know. She’s a Grindelwald. She must be.”
“But she saved us all. We saw it with our own eyes. She can’t be all bad.”
Susana’s voice shook, as she said, in as small a voice as Cas had ever heard her speak in, “C-Cas, I-I r-really want to g-get out of here. Please.”
Cas finally looked up, only to see Susana staring down at her hand. Cas followed her gaze and she saw a broken ring in Susan’s hand. It was the ring that had bound her to Tristan, the ring that had kept Tristan’s protective magic working over her at all times, by disguising her true appearance and by keeping a protective shield around her that both prevented her Dark Magic energy from spilling out and kept others from detecting it. As Susana stared down at the ring, which had split in half, she was trembling all over, and she had tears streaking down her face.
“Oh, Sue,” Cas whispered in a broken voice.
“I w-want to go h-home,” Susana murmured again. “I don’t – Master’s not - ”
Cas nodded, understanding Susana at once. “Okay. Let’s do that. I just – I want to say good-bye first.”
Susana took Cas’ hand and the two of them walked over to Tristan’s body.
Cas tried to remain silent, but her sobs wracked her whole body as she stood before Tristan’s body. She knelt down and for a moment, she pulled the cape back, just enough to see Tristan’s face. There he lay, Tristan Graves. Ironically, he looked as handsome as ever, even though he was no longer of this world. But Cas didn’t care. She never had. The things that she loved about him - his sharp and intelligent gaze, that small smirk that quirked up on his lips whenever he found something funny, the quick-witted retorts that fell from his lips no matter what kind of conversation you were having, and the dignified manner with which he moved about the world - those were gone forever. With a shaking hand, Cas touched Tristan’s cheek. All right. So you’ve grown up. I get it now. And you’ll be waiting for me, just like you said you would, right? She gently pulled the cape back up. Right.
Cas stood up. As she did, she picked up Tristan’s fallen wand and pocketwatch.
Once on her feet, Cas spotted a group of Ministry Healers and Aurors parting the crowd. Clearly, they were on their way over. Cas knew that they would take care of Tristan’s body properly and alert everyone who needed to be alerted.
Cas reached her hand out to the side. Susana grasped her hand tightly.
“Let’s get out of here,” Cas murmured. “But let’s lift our heads, Susana. Tristan would want us to be – to be proud of him.”
Susana bravely lifted her face to the heavens above. Her face was grimy with ash and dirt, except for the clear trails of tears running down her cheeks.
For a moment, Cas numbly stared out at the crowd of people who were whispering and pointing at them, and she wondered if they would ever come to appreciate what they had really seen – the bravery of both Tristan Graves and Susana Grindelwald.
No, I don’t suppose they ever really will know, she thought. Cas closed her eyes – and she and Susana Disapparated before the Healers and Aurors could reach them.
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Foxtail & Wolfsbane Part 45
Summary: Your lifelong obsession to hunt down the Nine-Tailed Fox has not gone as expected, and seventeen years later, you find yourself coming back to the place where it all started: Hogwarts. However, with Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban and Headmaster Dumbledore’s hire of a certain Professor R. J. Lupin, you suddenly find yourself intertwined in the fates of those with whom you thought you had parted ways with long ago.
[Multi-Post Story] [Rowan Scamander x Reader] [Remus Lupin x Reader] [Young Sirius Black x Reader] [Tristan Graves x Reader] [Severus Snape x Reader] *Note: Rowan Scamander, Tristan Graves, Susana Holmes, Cas Carneirus, Henrietta Weiss, Thomas Picquery, and Magdalene Clarke are OC characters.
[Warning: Story Contains Explicit Smut.] [Warning: References to Light Choking.]
*Please do not repost or copy my work without my permission. Thank You!
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Shoes scattered at the doorway of your bedroom (with the laces of his Oxfords tangling with the laces of your sneakers), socks peppering the trail from the door to the bed, clothes tossed haphazardly so that Remus’ jacket ended up on a heap on the floor and your light jumper caught on the bedpost – these little signs, these little consequences of loving each other perhaps showed that despite everything, your souls had not changed after all.
You and Remus barely made it to the bed – in fact, you only ended up on the bed because Remus was kissing you so fervently that he accidentally pushed you up against the bed and you vaguely fell back until you found yourself sitting on the edge of the bed. Remus remained standing, but he leaned down and cupped your face in his hands as he continued to kiss you. His soft lips grasped at yours in a way that made your heart race.
Wanting more, you ran your hands up his arms and then, grasping his shoulders, you got up onto your knees. Kissing him back, you parted his lips a bit more before playfully running your tongue along his lower lip. Remus responded instantly, catching your lips in a real, deep kiss. You moaned softly. He wrapped his arms tightly around your waist, drawing you to him. Feeling his warmth radiate against your own skin, you felt indescribably loved, happy, and safe. Remus, your mind whispered, over and over again. Remus, Remus, Remus… Your hands slid up from his shoulders into his hair and you hugged Remus as you clutched onto his soft locks.
“You smell so wonderful,” you murmured. “And you taste…” You paused and pressed your mouth to his again, before you whispered devoutly, “…amazing…”
“You’re being silly,” Remus whispered back. “I think those car fumes got to your head.”
You smiled. “It wasn’t that, Rem.”
“You sure?”
“Mhm.” You kissed him again, and then you confessed, “Though the sight of you trying to fix the car did make me fall in love with you all over again.”
“Me looking foolish, you mean?”
“Yes,” you agreed, “looking all lost and hopeless. You didn’t know what you were doing, did you?”
“Not a clue.”
You laughed. “I knew it. And that’s why I love you.”
“That’s why?”
“Oh, yes,” you said easily.
“Strange,” Remus murmured.
You grinned, and then you kissed Remus again, ever so lovingly. Several minutes passed by, with the two of you indiscernibly pressed together, before you parted briefly to draw breath. Even then, Remus did not loosen his hold on you, and you simply rested your forehead against his cheek. You whispered, “I really missed you.”
Hearing the genuine feeling in your voice, Remus reached up and caught your chin in his hand. He gently pushed your face up and he looked into your eyes. As always, the shades of hazel in Remus’ eyes were difficult to read, shimmering and clouding all at once, and conveying how complicated his soul always was.
You gazed back at him. “Well… won’t you say it back?”
Staring at your bright eyes, and recognizing that spunk that you had always had and that he had always entirely adored, Remus nodded seriously.
“Good,” you whispered softly.
Remus reached out and played gently with a strand of your hair, which had wandered over to your cheek. You smiled at him, and your smile was so kind and patient – weary even. Remus recognized within you something that you had not had before, when you were a student at Hogwarts, but had earned through your years since then – a tired, but resolute grace.
As a girl, it was that sense of adventure, the thrill of the chase, and the endless curiosity of what might be outside of the small, known world that gave you your boundless energy. At that time, this energy had been singular and entirely unaffected. It had been an amazing thing to behold. Back then, Remus had always marveled at how your cute little frame had been able to hold in your boundless energy.
But now, you were a woman, someone who could remain grounded in herself. You were no less spirited and no less adventurous – that sparkle in your eye told Remus all too clearly that you would forever be a little spirit masquerading as a human. However, instead of searching for an elusive adventure, you’d braved one already, and you now knew the value of a home.
You’d always had this aspect of patience to you, of course. Remus had felt it whenever you bit back your questions when you saw his scars, but it had felt strained then. Now, you felt more certain in yourself and everything that you felt for Remus radiated all the more strongly for that.
Remus gently ran his fingers across your face, tracing your cheeks and lips before running his finger up to brush your hair out of your eyes. You closed your eyes, to focus on feeling his touch. You admitted, in a quiet voice, “You touch me so well.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes… So, don’t stop.”
Remus slowly slipped his thumb over your lower lip and pushed your mouth open, just a little. You breathed out softly – and Remus paused. Then, he kissed you fiercely.
“Mmpfh!” You were surprised by how greedily he kissed you, but as soon as his lips met yours, you responded in equal fervor. You were still on your knees, and your knees nearly slipped off of the bed.
Remus started and he fell forward. You both toppled over onto the bed. Remus managed to get his hands out in time to stop himself from landing on you. “Sorry! Are you all right?”
You laughed in delight from under him. “What was that, Rem? You kissed me so fervently! You did miss me, didn’t you?”
Remus let out a breath of relief. So bright, especially when you feel safe. I want to protect you, to preserve this space, where you can be yourself and be happy, just like this.
“Something wrong?” you asked, noticing that he was rather lost in thought.
Awakening at the sound of your voice, Remus suddenly trapped you in his arms and he kissed you once more, stealing your breath away in a mere second. “No,” he said, between kisses. “Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all.” He kissed you quite passionately, slowly nudging your head back kiss by kiss – and then the kiss softened and your lips slotted perfectly against each other… And Remus kept kissing you and kissing you -
“Mmm,” you breathed out. “Ah…” You pressed your hands against his handsome face and whispered, “L-Let me catch my breath, love…”
“I don’t wanna let you catch your breath,” Remus whispered. “I’ve forgotten how cute you are when you pant.” Still, Remus acquiesced and broke the kiss, although he kept his lips brushing against yours as he whispered, “I missed you too, Lovely. I missed you more than you could ever know.”
You closed your eyes, and you let yourself fall into this wonderful, if not slightly melancholy, feeling of having your heart so incredibly full.
* * * * * * * * * *
There was a wonderful anticipation, all tangled up with an even more wonderful familiarity, as you and Remus rediscovered each other.
You recalled that you loved to pepper Remus’ stomach and hips with kisses, but at the same time, you found that you had forgotten some lovely details – like how he squirmed slightly when you kissed his cock through his briefs, how he trembled when you pulled his briefs down and then let your warm breath pass over his cock, how he blushed softly when you took a moment to kiss his hips all over, how he let out a soft, hurried pant when you finally parted your lips and took him into your mouth, how he grasped your hair increasingly tighter as you started to move your head back and forth, and how he let out that low moan that seemed to reverberate through his scar-covered chest when you let his cock push into your throat.
“Does it – Does it feel good?” you huffed out. “I don’t know if I’m doing it right.”
“You feel perfect,” Remus groaned, and that low grumble in his voice told you that he was telling the truth.
You closed your eyes and worked even harder, wanting nothing more than to please Remus. In your mind, you had a secret wish. I wish he’d love my mouth as much as I love his hands…
All the while, you were on your knees on the bed and you held onto his hips as you tasted his cock on your tongue, over and over again.
“Lovely,” Remus choked out hoarsely, followed by a tight “nngh” as you bobbed your head up and down once again.
“Mm, getting so hard, Rem,” you whispered.
“Y-Yes,” Remus stammered.
At one point, Remus came close to cumming – and you suddenly felt his hand slip around your neck. Your eyes widened, and your heart let out a happy little jolt, but Remus, coming to his senses, had already taken his hand away.
Instead, he started to squirm away from you. But you reached up, grabbed his tie (for he was still wearing his button-up and tie) and you pulled him right back to your needy little mouth. I do like this tie, you affirmed in your head, as you held it tightly in your hand. I like it very much.
“L-Lovely,” Remus stuttered out. “Ah – hah – ah…!”
You moaned hotly, with Remus’ cock still filling up your mouth. You loved hearing Remus’ moans and you adored the way his hips were shivering. More, Remus, more, you pleaded in your head, and you worked yourself that much harder to make him moan harder.
Remus groaned heavily. For a moment, he leaned over you, and his hand slammed into the bedpost. He grabbed it tightly as he tried to remain upright.
“Mmpfh!” A light sound of air escaping you sounded out as Remus’ cock suddenly filled your mouth.
It was quite sweet though, that even though Remus was about to lose control entirely, he was still gently holding your hair back for you with his other hand. True, his grip on your hair was quite tight, but still, it showed his true gentlemanly colors that he didn’t suddenly yank at your hair – thought I wouldn’t mind that either, you found yourself thinking.
Finally, Remus panted out hoarsely, “T-That’s quite enough, sweetheart. Unless you want it to end here – ah…”
Putting your warm hands on his abs, you kissed your way up his thigh and stomach. Resting your chin on his stomach, you looked up at him. “Whatever you want. I’d honestly love for you to cum in my mouth. I must admit, I want to taste you. Mm…Yes. But I also want to feel you inside me. I’m all wet, and I want you, Remus.” You lifted your head slightly and began to kiss your way back down his stomach, as you murmured, “Your call, love.”
“Christ,” Remus muttered, feeling your soft kisses fluttering all over his stomach, “you’re so – you’re so…”
“What?” you whispered. You suddenly slid your hands up to his shoulders and then arched your back, stretching to kiss his chest –
“Christ,” Remus repeated. He felt spellbound by you. Warring desires rose up inside of him – he wanted to simply watch you and take you in, but he also wanted to take you… His hands flexed for a moment, as he imagined grasping your hips, your neck, your hair.
Before you could repeat your question and bring the conversation back full circle, Remus had gently pushed you onto your side. He pushed up your thighs a little, so that he could see your pussy peeking out from between your legs.
“Hm…?” A soft sound of surprise left you, as you went very quickly from giving to finding yourself in a position very much meant to receive.
“I think you too regard me too highly,” Remus said, his voice rather raspy. “I’m not very patient when I’m with you, I’m afraid. I can’t take my time with you, after all.”
You felt Remus’ warm hand cover your hip. Then, his fingers tightened and Remus pulled you gently but quite firmly towards him. At the same time, Remus shuffled closer to the edge of the bed, until his cock was pressing gently against your pussy.
You held your breath in anticipation. Remus’ eyes flickered up to yours. “Do you want this, Lovely?”
You nodded fervently.
“You do?”
“Yes…”
“Are you certain?”
“Yes.” You breathed out heavily, as you added, “Please.”
Remus’ cock throbbed when he heard you say “please” so sweetly, but he merely nodded and then – he slowly began to push the tip of his cock between your warm pussy folds.
You tensed at once. “Ah…”
“Tell me if I’m going too fast,” Remus whispered tightly. She’s all wet, but she’s even tighter than I thought she would be. I’m going to have to push a bit.
“Lovely, tell me - ” Remus began again, but his breath gave out as he pushed in a little more – you cried out achingly and you suddenly pressed your face into the sheets. Your mind was already spinning in a soft whirl. How is he spreading me out so much already? I wonder if it’s because I’m lying on my side and my legs are together. But I – ah, ah, ah! Remus pushed in a little more, and your fists tightened on the sheets… but it was no good, and you still shuddered quite obviously, a ripple running down your frame. Remus watched you, your lovely side silhouette all shivering as you were laid out on the bed, lying as still as you could, like a good girl, as you took in his cock, inch by inch.
“Darling, you’re so tight,” Remus breathed out. “Are you – Are you all right?” He didn’t realize it, but his nails were digging into the soft skin of your hip as he tried to control himself.
Your only reply was a soft, muffled whimper.
“Uh, fuck… Are you sure you’re all right?” Remus checked in on you.
You nodded. A small part of your mind took in the fact that Remus had cursed, and cursed so softly and gently that it made you want to smile. But in truth, most of your mind was struggling to cognize anything, as the soft burn you were feeling between your legs was making your heart go awry…
Remus frowned slightly. Pulling out of you, he put his other hand down on the bed and he leaned over you slowly. Then, he gently pressed a kiss against your shoulder.
“Lovely,” he called softly, for you had resolutely hidden your face away into the sheets.
“I’m – I’m fine,” you replied, though you were clearly panting into the sheets.
“Look at me. Please, I want to see your face.”
You shook your head softly.
Remus opened his mouth and bit your shoulder – not hard, but hard enough that it made you lift your head and look at him.
“Ow,” you mouthed softly.
Remus let out a soft chuckle. “There you are. Stubborn as ever, hm?”
You blushed. That was when Remus noticed how utterly flushed your entire face was, how your eyes were gleaming, yet dazed already, how the front of your hair was a right mess, and how hard you were breathing already.
Taken aback, Remus’ mouth fell open. “I didn’t hurt you somehow, did I?” His anxiety began to build up. “If it doesn’t feel good, you have to tell me. You know I’m not very – uh – experienced at this and – well, if I’m not making you feel good - ”
“No, no,” you said quickly. “You didn’t hurt me at all. And it does feel good. It feels so good, Remus. It’s just that… As you were entering me, I - ” You swallowed softly.
“What?”
You hesitated, not wanting to sound silly. But Remus was looking at you with such gentle, almost scared eyes, that you felt you had to tell him the truth. So, you confessed, “I suddenly felt this rush inside of me, and I just – just desperately want you as deep inside of me as possible. I want so badly to feel that I was yours, and I want you to, you know, to give me that soft burn inside of me and – and all that.”
Remus watched as you nervously balled up his tie around your fist as you spoke.
“Such an intense feeling… I feel like a teenager all over again. It feels like a first love,” you murmured. “And so, I got – um – Well, I got all tight…”
“So that’s the reason, hm?” Remus realized. He grazed his lips softly against your shoulder. “It’s because you got all soft for me, isn’t it?”
When he puts it that way – With a sigh, you admitted, “I know how stupid it sounds. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. I’d rather we just – we just keep going and – and – Remus?” You blinked in surprise as Remus suddenly stood back up. Then, he grasped your waist decisively and, with a deep grunt, he thrust his hips forward.
“Ah!” You gasped loudly as he finally took you, jolting his hips forward to push his cock deep into your pussy.
Remus moaned. Heaven. Feels so good to be inside her… He thrust again, fulfilling your desire to feel that soft burn inside of you. A first love… Does it feel that way? I suppose it does. But for me, it’s more of a continuation, as she’s been my only love. I’m forever in that state of first love with her. Yes, yes, yes…
“Hah, ah, hah…!” You gripped tightly at the sheets and panted out extremely fast as you felt Remus’ cock push deep inside of you, opening your tight walls up. At the same time, Remus felt your pussy clench on his cock. You let out a quiet, but tight whine and you shifted your thighs, so that they were rubbing softly against each other. As you did, you put your hands down on the bed and you slowly pushed yourself closer to the edge of the bed and closer to Remus. Then, gripping the sheets again, you swallowed hard and then you looked up – right at Remus – and your eyes clearly spelled out that you wanted – “More,” you whispered softly.
Remus was gone. Every wisp of coherent, rational thought dried up within the confines of his mind, and something else, something much more ancient and primal in the human soul than thought, took over.
Remus’ hands slid down your beautiful shape once – exactly once – and then, both of his hands found the curve of your waist. He grasped you tightly and all but pinned you to the bed – and then he thrust.
Some unholy moan rang out from you, and you shivered all over the bed, but Remus’ strong grasp kept you pinned to the bed and Remus was already steadily working up to an intense rhythm. It wasn’t so much that he was taking you quickly, so much as his thrusts were strong and deep and he simply wouldn’t let up one bit no matter how strangled your moans got or how terribly you shivered or how tightly your pussy clenched on his cock.
“Remus! Ah!” you gasped out, shocked by how intensely he was taking you and how damn good he was making you feel. It was in this moment that you had to recognize that somewhere between that shy, timid boy and that furious, beastly werewolf – there was a man, a man who knew, beyond every doubt, that he loved you.
“Uhn, uhn, uhn!” Your cries were fast turning into wails. Because it was all too much. To think that everything had come full circle - to remember those first kisses by the library window, that soft and secret touching session in your bed under the Ravenclaw tapestry, and that strange, but truly wonderful session in that broom cupboard when you and Remus first decided to give your relationship a try, and those sweet, young moments of being together right after graduation, to that night where the two of you had first made love and so many unspoken truths burst into sharp reality – only to be able to give yourselves over to each other now without holding back, it was honestly overwhelming and the intense heat flaring up all along your body was elevated elevated a hundredfold by the memories flooding through your heart.
It occurred to you that you were stuttering something out – some strange, gemlike thing came tumbling out of your lips – and it was as if both you and Remus heard it at the same time: “I – I… you…”
It was likely the only thing that could have made Remus pause, but pause he did. And when he slowed down, his body suddenly caught up to him and Remus himself was abruptly aware of how much his abs were burning and how tight his chest was. Letting out a hard breath, he reached up and pushed his hair out of his eyes and wiped away the sweat appearing on his forehead. But then, he reached down and grasped your face in his hand rather tightly. He murmured quietly, “What did you just say?”
You blinked furiously. Sweat was dripping down your forehead too. Remus tenderly wiped it away with his sleeve. And when you reached down and used his tie to wipe away a spot he had missed, Remus smiled at you. “What did you say, Lovely? I want to know…” As Remus asked his question again, he ran his hands all up and down your body, partly because he remembered you saying that you rather liked his hands and partly because he couldn’t help himself. You were still wearing your shirt and your bra, and Remus now took the opportunity to slowly strip off of your shirt and your bra.
You shivered a little as the cold air washed over your skin. But it also seemed to wake you up a little, as you managed to reply, with a soft smile, “Just… I love you.”
Remus’ eyes flooded with warmth. “Is that so?” he whispered, leaning down to nuzzle your nose.
You closed your eyes and smiled as you scrunched your nose. “Yes…”
Remus grasped your waist and pushed you up the bed a little, so that he could join you on the bed.
“But you knew that already,” you murmured.
Remus grasped both of your hands in his and, squeezing your hands tightly, he pushed your hands gently down onto the bed. Using his thigh, he quickly pushed open your thighs, simultaneously shifting you over onto your bed. “But I don’t mind hearing you say it.”
You blinked as you suddenly found your boyfriend standing between your legs, with his sturdy hips pushing open your soft little thighs. “Oh…” you whispered. Your heart thumped quite hard in your chest.
Remus came onto the bed and, hovering over you, he looked down at you. His hazel eyes were flooded with an enchanting softness as murmured, “You know, don’t you? That I love you, too.” He paused, and for a moment, he seemed worried, as he insisted, “You must know.”
Your eyes became misty, and your heart swelled with love as you whispered back, “Yes.”
Remus nodded. Then, he bent his head down until his forehead met yours. He squeezed your hands tightly in his again, and then – “ah!” you cried out, as Remus pushed himself back inside of you.
As Remus kept making love to you, and as your mind became hazier and hazier and your toes began to curl, your hands slipped down Remus’ sides. You instinctively clutched onto his shirt to stop yourself – but Remus thrust just then – and with a soft, raspy cry, you accidentally yanked Remus’ shirt with both of your hands. A button flew off and bounced onto the sheets.
“A-Ah, s-sorry!” you stuttered out.
“Never mind,” Remus grunted, and he kept going. You felt so good to him, with your soft, velvety walls opening up for him and squeezing so tightly at his cock, plunging in and out of your now wet little hole.
At one point, you lifted your head and kissed and bit Remus all down his neck and shoulders. Then, as Remus took you harder and harder, he reached up and grabbed the headboard with one hand, and you found yourself staring blearily at his chest. You made to bite his chest, too, but the tie got in the way. He also still had his shirt on. Don’t know how that never came off, you thought hazily. I’ve been negligent.
“W-Wait – ah – R-Remus,” you moaned.
“What is it?” Remus growled, with a low groan following his question. He was fucking your pussy so well, and he was starting to get close to that point of losing all conscious control. But when he opened his eyes and stared down at your flushed face, his brow furrowed. “Am I being too rough?”
“No. It’s only that… I want to feel – feel your warmth. I want these - ” you gave two quick tugs at his tie and shirt “ – off.” And you finished with a nice, “Please.”
Rather sheepishly, Remus mumbled, “Ah. Right. I forgot I was still wearing these.” He reached up and made to unbutton his shirt. You quickly reached up and helped him – undoing his tie and helping him with half the buttons.
You both were panting quite heavily and your fingers slipped and scattered all over the place as you both impatiently cast aside his tie and his shirt.
But once they were off, you eagerly pulled Remus back on top of you and then you hugged him so that he fell onto you – and while Remus voiced his concern that he was crushing you, you let out a happy sigh and hugged him tighter, sinking into his warmth and taking in his wonderful scent.
Meanwhile, Remus was going, “Lovely? Lovely, I’m crushing you, aren’t I? Can you breathe?”
“Mhm,” was all you said, for you were too occupied with nuzzling his shoulder with your cheek, while appreciating the way he was making you feel so safe and so warm. All I need, you thought, is that burn inside of me again…
Remus’ brow furrowed, however, as he wasn’t sure which question you were saying “mhm” too. He hastily pushed himself up.
When you let out a soft noise of protest, he looked at you confusedly.
“Where are you going?” you breathed out. “Don’t you want to continue?”
“I… I thought I was…” Remus began.
However, it didn’t matter, as you already pulled him back down on top of you. Wrapping your arms around him, you buried your face against his neck and sighed out happily.
“Aren’t I too heavy?” Remus whispered to you, still worried. “I feel like I’m crushing you.”
At this, you mumbled, a bit mindlessly, “Well, maybe I like being crushed. You ever think of that, Remus Lupin?”
Oh. To his complete surprise, Remus felt his chest constrict and the muscle in his jaw jumped as he suddenly clenched his jaw. I could give that to her.
But then, startled at himself, Remus shook his head and bleated out, “Uh, I don’t – I don’t think you know what you’re saying.”
At this, you did in fact pause. “Oh. What did I say? Did I say something silly?”
Remus stared down at you. Oh, she wasn’t serious.
You blinked up at him and let out a soft sigh. “Can’t we talk a little later? I… I would rather…” You closed your eyes and rolled your hips gently against him. “I want to make love with you, and get lost in that.” You moaned out, “Mm, can’t we, Rem? Can’t we – ah - do that?”
Remus blinked. Well, yes. Yes, certainly, a low voice in his head whispered. But all he managed to stutter out was, “Er… I s’pse so.”
You ran your hands all over his chest. You whispered, in a raspy voice, “Well, give it to me, then.”
Remus felt his cock throb at your words. Slowly, without realizing it, he was beginning to loosen up. In truth, he had, in his own unconscious, been struggling with his anxieties, most of them generated by his overthinking. It’s my first time being together with Lovely again. What if I do something wrong? What if I make her uncomfortable? What if I can’t make her feel good?
But the way you were asking him, in such straightforward words, to simply be with you and to take you, helped Remus to shut away the part of his mind that was always causing him to worry. Feeling more confident, Remus pushed his cock back inside of you. You both let out low moans of pure pleasure at how good it felt. Your thighs twitched as you felt his cock pushing deeper into you.
Remus’ arms came in slightly, keeping you right below him, and you held onto him in a hug, as he began to take you harder and harder.
Yeah, feels – uhn – so good, Remus thought. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as he rolled his hips against you. Your legs were slowly but surely being pushed open more and more as Remus began to take you more aggressively.
Ah… you moaned, both in your head and aloud. Gods, I’ve forgotten how good it feels to be with him like this. Mm, Remus. You wondered vaguely if he could feel how hard your heart was beating for him. Wanting Remus to realize how in love with him you felt, you grasped onto his arms and then, lifting your head a little, you peppered kisses all up and down the insides of his arms.
Remus groaned, and his reply was to thrust into you harder. You moaned and fell back against the bed, only you turned your head and pressed your mouth against Remus’ wrist. You were now panting rather audibly, for Remus was doing his utmost to thrust you into you hard and fast, for that unbearable tightness was beginning to coil in both of your stomachs, and Remus was not only chasing his pleasure rather intently, but he could very much feel how tight and wet you’d gotten, and it felt so fucking good for Remus to sink his cock into your little pussy over and over again, that he was truly beginning to get lost – not just in that soft, romantic way, but also in that rather carnal and lustful realm of pure sex and pure pleasure.
Remus dropped his head and began to huff into the blankets just above your head, and his hips dropped slightly, too, meaning that his cock delved deeper into your pussy as he pounded into you.
“Ah!” you cried out, and the cry tore out of your throat. That cry joled Remus slightly back to reality.
“Lovely, am I – uhn – am I taking you too hard?” Remus whispered, checking in with you.
You shook your head furiously. “No, it f-feels so g-good. Ah…! Harder! Please, harder!” you begged.
“Mm,” Remus growled lowly, and he leaned into you to raise his hips a bit more. You breathed out as you felt your legs lift slightly in the air, and then Remus, knowing that he had your consent, began to properly pound into you, to properly fill your tight cunt with his cock, over and over and over again.
It was all too soon that your mind began to whirl, and stars began to flood your already hazy vision. Your breaths came out in sharp exhales, bursting out of you. Your tummy rippled as you trembled under Remus, with his thighs pushing up against yours consistently, and his cock delving deep into your tight hole repeatedly.
“Uhn!” you moaned desperately, with your voice wrenching into a tight cry. You were shifting atop the bed too, rocking your hips back and forth as much as you could, taking in as much of Remus as you could, and wanting that sweet, sweet release –
Ugh, s-shit, Lovely, if you m-move like that, I’m going to – I’m going to – Remus grabbed you roughly and kissed you – he fell on top of you – you let out a muffled cry – and then, Remus thrust into you as hard as he could –
“NNGH!” You let out a hard, labored cry –
Remus barely ripped away from you in time. Remus, leaning over the bed on his hands and knees, though with one hand on his cock, came all over the bed. He was bent over and he let out a low moan, almost a whine, as he pumped his cock with his hand – and his cum spurted all over the sheets.
You wanted to go to him, perhaps sink onto your knees and kiss his stomach all over as he came, but you were so entirely spent that all you could do was pant your heart out and watch Remus through an intense, misty, pink haze…
Finally, when Remus had managed to calm himself down, he came back to you, sliding towards you on the bed. You were still lying with your head on the headboard, but lying out on the bed otherwise, and with your hands resting on your tummy.
Remus came over to you. He approached you slowly and he gave you the gentlest kiss on your shoulder as he whispered, “How are you?”
You were still exhausted, but you smiled softly and replied, in a somewhat raspy voice, “Splendid.”
Remus paused. In a tone that managed to be both shy and teasing, he lisped quietly, “That’s quite the adjective.”
“Mm…” you agreed.
Remus reached up and made to push his sweaty hair out of the way, but that stubborn little lock of hair on his forehead flopped right back out.
“Pft…”
“Are you laughing at me?” Remus said, lifting an eyebrow at you.
You shook your head. “No, sir.”
“Are you sure?” As Remus spoke, he looped his arm around you and pulled you to him.
“Mhm,” you replied.
“You absolutely sure?” Remus whispered, biting lightly at your ear. At the same time, his hand grazed over your thigh and – you breathed out – as he gently pressed his fingers over your pussy.
“I – ah – Yes, I-I’m sure,” you stuttered out. You were still so warm between your legs, and you were feeling rather tender, too. And yet… You swallowed hard as you felt your pussy clench softly at the thought of having Remus again.
Remus hesitated. Was it just my imagination or did Lovely just twitch her hips? He pushed himself up on one arm, so that he could glimpse your face.
You were still looking rather flushed, and you were gazing downwards in somewhat of a daze. But then, when Remus pressed his fingers lightly against you once more, sure enough, he noticed the way you wiggled your hips immediately. Speaking very softly, so as not to break the haze you were in, he asked you, “Lovely, do you want my fingers inside of you?”
You paused. Then, you nodded.
“You do?”
“Yes…”
Remus smiled, and he gently pushed his fingers back inside of you.
“O-Oh…”
The instant Remus pushed his fingers inside of you, your pussy wrapped around his fingers tightly. Remus hissed softly, and his cock throbbed. Even tighter, and all hot around my fingers… Gods…
You had closed your eyes when you felt Remus enter you again, but you blinked your eyes open and looked around when you felt Remus suddenly disappear. “Remus?”
“One second.” Remus positioned himself between your legs. You pause when you felt his hands easily split your thighs open. You stared down in surprise as Remus then laid down and lowered his head to lap at your pussy. At the same time, he pushed his fingers back inside of you.
“Oh…!” You reached around blindly for a pillow and then put it over your head.
Remus chuckled lightly at the sight, but the next second, as he pushed his fingers deep inside of your hot little cunt, and then sucked hard at your pussy, the pillow fell off of your face and he saw how you were panting all over again. She’s so cute…
“Ah, Remus…” you moaned liltingly.
“Mm, yes, getting all wet again, darling?” Remus whispered, and he pressed his mouth to your clit and tongued you. “Mm…”
“Ah!”
“So sweet,” Remus groaned, and he slid forward slightly to taste more of you. At the same time, his fingers were pumping steadily in and out of you.
You stared up dizzily at the ceiling – and all you saw was a pink haze and a string of fuzzy golden lights… In your mind, you were chanting in a soft, needy whisper, Remus… Remus… Oh, Remus…!
Remus gently lifted your leg and draped it over his shoulder. Then, he reached down and slid his hands under your ass and lifted your hips slightly, and then he buried his head between your legs.
“Ah!” You gasped and arched your back at once. The pink haze disappeared, replaced by a strong, thrumming golden light that threatened to swallow you whole at once.
“Mmphf, mm, mm, mmm…” Remus moaned heavily as he ate you, lavishing your pussy all over with his tongue before sucking hard at your wet little pussy.
“A-Ah, ah, ah!” Your tummy rippled and buckled as you felt that intense pleasure coiling up in your tummy. Before you knew it, you had wrapped both of your legs around Remus’ shoulder, but then – you suddenly ripped yourself away, rolling over onto the side. You managed to grab the pillow and bury your face in it as you landed face-down, on your stomach.
Remus frowned and lifted his head. “Lovely? What’s wrong?”
You panted hard into your pillow for a moment. Nngh, gotta get myself together… I – Ah… But I’m throbbing so much in my pussy…
“Are you all right?” Remus said worriedly, following you.
You lifted your head and looked over your shoulder at him.
Remus froze.
Then, you said, “Again.”
“A-Again?”
You blinked at him. “Do you not want to?” You glanced down. “It looks like you do.”
At this, Remus blushed slightly. But as he leaned over you, with his chin grazing your shoulder, he whispered, “Are you teasing me? Knowing I want to just as much as you, if not more, but wanting to hear me admit to it? Hm?”
You smiled as you gently lifted your hips and pressed your ass up against his cock. Moving your hips up and down a little, you murmured, “Maybe… I like when you get a little vocal.”
“Do you? I think it’s rather embarrassing.” Remus tenderly pushed aside your hair and kissed your shoulder.
“No, no,” you told him earnestly. “It’s quite – well, to tell you the truth, it’s very nice to listen to. It does things to me, if you catch my drift.”
Remus blushed. “If you don’t ever hear me moan again, it’s because of how self-conscious you’ve made me just now.”
“No, really,” you insisted. “You have this little puppy moan, but this deep growl and it – well, as I said, it does things to me, like make me go all tight and – mm!”
Remus reached over and put his hand over your mouth to shush your nonsense. At the same time, with his other hand, he grasped your hip and pushed you down firmly on the bed. “Shush, sweetheart,” he murmured, “that’s quite enough out of you.” With that, he pushed his cock back into your tender, wanting pussy.
“Mmm!”
“Uhn, f-fuck, sweetheart,” Remus groaned. So fucking warm inside of her, and she’s gripping already. Merlin, this isn’t going to take long.
You instinctively started to arch your back, but at that moment, Remus thrust into you – your thighs trembled, and you felt yourself collapse right back onto the bed. You let out a warbled, muffled cry as you hid your face into the pillow again. Ah, so deep, and I’m all – my pussy’s already so… nngh… You shut your eyes tightly and moaned quietly, but intensely as you felt Remus’ cock fill you right back up again.
Remus stared down for a moment at your shivering shoulders. His eyes traced the line of your beautiful, strong back. There was something about this position that Remus had always liked. He loved being able to glance down and see your sweet, soft little body taking up space in his bed, and the way you grasped at the pillow and buried your face in it to let out muffled moves was very cute, even if it did slightly annoy him that you were grasping onto the pillow instead of him. Besides, when Remus inevitably collapsed on top of you, he could keep you under him and form a sort-of protective barrier around you. He could cover you all over with kisses and you had to lie there and blush as you received his love, his love that he so wanted to give you, even if he wasn’t fully confident in his right to show you the depth of his desire for you. But for that moment, in the rush of the afterglow, he could finally show you, at least a little, how much he adored you…
Still, that moment was quite a ways away, for Remus was only beginning to take you again – going slow, though quite deep, as you were already quite wet, from your last session. He kept one hand pressed against the mattress, to hold himself up. But with his other hand, he reached down and slowly, slowly, slowly ran his hand up from your waist, up your back, all the way to your neck. He brushed your hair aside and then he gently wrapped his hand around the back of your neck.
Your heart leapt when you felt Remus’ hand close in around your neck. Oh my, you thought. You felt tempted to turn around and look at Remus, but you didn’t want him to take his hand away, so you obediently kept your head bowed down and waited eagerly in anticipation for Remus to take you – And take you, he did.
“Ah!” You gasped loudly, as Remus jerked his hips forward. His cock slammed back into you, until he bottomed out in you. Your knees bent as your feet kicked in the air. You grabbed the pillow for all you were worth and buried your face against it, moaning desperately.
Remus groaned equally desperately, and when he felt your cunt clench tightly around his cock, his hand tightened on the back of your neck too.
Breathing out harshly, Remus began to rut into you, relieved that your pussy was so wet, because it meant that he could take you rather roughly and it would be pleasurable to you, too. He felt your warm, tight, velvety walls being pushed open to take his cock as he pushed into you, and when he pulled out, your pussy would grip at him a little, as if you didn’t want him to pull out, as if you liked nothing better than to have his thick cock buried deep inside of your pussy.
You had the perfect pussy to fuck, Remus thought, because you were all warm and soft but right towards the end, deep in your pussy, you got very, very tight – and that tight spot of yours, that was what Remus chased, that was where he wanted to push into, because you felt so incredibly perfect all wrapped around his cock. And though you had never said anything aloud, Remus sensed that that was your sweet spot, and that when he was able to fuck his cock into you that deep over and over again, you seemed to lose your pretty little mind until you were sobbing and cumming all over him, which was exactly what Remus wanted.
Soon, you were huffing and puffing into the pillow and you needed more air. You shakily put your elbows onto the mattress and tried to lift your head.
Remus’ breath caught when he saw how stunning your shape was when you arched your back like that. What was more, with your head still slightly bowed down, your hair had fallen forward, and Remus could see exactly how easily and comfortably his hand was slotted against the back of your neck.
Remus squeezed – you moaned at once - and your head fell back a little, and you arched your back even more. At the same time, your hands shot out and slammed onto the headboard in front of you. Your breasts, in all their softness, were bouncing lightly in time to Remus’ fucking you, and your nipples were so pert and erect as you arched your back… Remus moaned hotly. Without realizing it, his fingers tangled messily with your hair and, fisting your hair in his hand, he pulled your head back a little. At the same time, he thrust into you again – you cried out – and your hands slipped and you fell right back down onto your pillow.
Remus quickly let you go, not even realizing that he’d just (albeit gently) yanked your head back like that right as he drove his cock into you, making you feel a burst of heat in your tummy. Remus blinked blearily as he watched as you shivered all over, with your hips shuddering against the sheets.
Godric, I can’t believe Lovely’s in my bed like this, shuddering away all like. Doesn’t she have any idea how beautiful she is? With a low, almost helpless moan, Remus leaned over and, slipping his hands under your shivering hips, he proceeded to run his hands all up and down your body until, finally, he grasped your breasts in hands, and then rutted into you roughly from behind.
“Oh, Godric! Ah!” you panted out. “R-Remus!”
Remus moaned and bit hard at your shoulder. “Gods, you’re wet,” he growled softly, but quite intensely into your ear. “So wet, Lovely,” he repeated, and then he moaned as he sloppily fucked your pussy.
You blushed a little. It was true, for you could hear the soft squelching sounds now as Remus fucked you, and you could feel how easily his cock was pushing in and out of you now, and most of all, you could feel how terribly, desperately hot you were in your tummy and between your legs.
“All wet,” Remus whispered, very much in love with you, and also teasing you a little as he noticed your face getting pinker and pinker as he kept telling you how wet you were. He squeezed your breasts in his hands and bit at your shoulder again before he whispered lowly, “Leaving all those little wet patches on my pants whenever we so much as kissed, do you know how much that messed with my head? I wondered if you were doing it on purpose at first, to torment me. But now, I see that you just can't help yourself.”
You tried to reply, but all that left your mouth was a protesting pant, followed by a deep, low moan.
“This explains how you could be so oblivious about it all,” Remus said accusingly, all the while grasping fervently at your breasts and taking you rather hard from behind. “You – uhn, fuck, feels so good, mmm – You drove me absolutely mad for you. Did you know that? Hm?”
“N-No,” you breathed out harshly. You swallowed hard, and then let out a desperate moan, as Remus kept going – kept pushing you towards that point of utter tenderness and tension –
“Nngh!” You let out a ragged, but fierce little moan, as your pussy suddenly clamped down all around Remus’ cock, squeezing him. Unable to help yourself, your thighs caved in a little, squeezing Remus even harder.
Remus took in a sharp, sudden intake of breath. There was a beat where he was absolutely still, keeping his cock pushed deep inside of your pussy, and keeping you trapped all under him, gathered up beneath him in bed, while you were moaning and sobbing and shaking under him.
I-I’m cumming, you realized hazily, barely recognizing your own body, your own pants, your own cries, as a wave of intense warmth and relief crashed over you all at once. It felt like someone had cut the strings between your soul and your body and you were able to take off into flight forever. Your mind was spinning, you couldn't seem to get enough breath, and your entire body was shaking, shaking with pleasure and complete release. F-Fuck, I-I’m c-cumming so h-hard – ahhhh! Ah! Ah, ah, ah!
“Oh, fuck, Lovely,” Remus breathed out. “You’re – Merlin, you’re tight!” Gritting his teeth together, Remus let out a rough, deep growl. Then, he suddenly wrapped his legs around yours and fell over onto you. Pressing you hard into the bed now, and with his hands gripping your breasts and his mouth clamped hotly onto your shoulder, Remus fucked you like a man at the end of his wits.
“Nngh – H-Hah, ah, ah, ah!” you cried out. You started to lift your hips, out of the sheer need to do something, to move, to anything because Remus was drawing out your orgasm, but it was so much, too much, and you couldn’t take it anymore without outright losing your mind – but Remus was taking you too hard and he drove you right back into the mattress. You started to cry out his name, when you suddenly heard Remus let out an ungodly moan. Your eyes widened and you suddenly clutched at the sheets, keeping as still as you could, so that he could cum all over you, just as you wanted.
A moment later, with a hard grunt, Remus suddenly grabbed your shoulders and thrust one last time – you moaned loudly, almost pitifully – and then Remus pulled out and came all over you. As you felt his hot cum drench you, you moaned softly. At once, your pussy began to drip with cum. “Mm,” you breathed out, and you wiggled your hips very, very lightly.
Remus let out a defeated moan. “Don’t – Don’t – I can’t help myself if you look so – so pretty,” he breathed out. Then, he fell over, right on top of you.
You could feel exactly how quickly his chest was rising and falling and you could feel his hard huffs blow across your cheek as Remus tried desperately to bring his heart rate back under control. You reached up to touch his chest, to soothe him, but Remus shivered violently at your touch. Your mouth fell open. “Remus?”
Remus turned over onto his side, hiding his face from you. “Sorry,” he breathed out. “Just give me a moment to get my – my heart back under control here.”
You rolled over so that you were lying on your side behind him. Then, you slowly and softly pushed your head up so that you were resting your chin on his shoulder.
Remus flinched slightly. You could feel it, too – that sharp, golden spark that ran through both of you whenever you touched like this…
You let out a breath. Remus squirmed. We’re so sensitive with each other. It’s as if we need to take turns protecting each other, yet we’re the ones affecting each other so much in the first place. It’s such serious, heavy energy, you thought, almost mournfully. But this is love, I think. I suppose what I can do is to keep it as light-hearted as possible, just to keep us human, to keep us from floating away together and forgetting about our human selves entirely.
You whispered softly, in a teasing tone, “But what if I don’t want to give you a moment? What if I like to see you come all undone in front of me? What if I secretly savor that part of being with you, hm?”
Neither of you fully realized this, but the two of you were mirroring the moment from before, when you had been the one to be overwhelmed and buried your head in your pillow, and Remus had teased you until you’d finally shown him your face.
Still, the words were familiar enough. Remus let out a soft sigh. He lifted his head and turned around so that he could look at you.
“There you are,” you said lovingly, and you smiled when you saw Remus, for he was in a right state. His face was sweaty, his hair was messy (with that darned curl still sticking resolutely to his forehead), his eyes were burning with a silvery, intense fire, and his chest was going up and down as he tried to reel in his breath.
“I don’t know what came over me,” Remus breathed out. “For a moment, I was – I couldn’t think about anything. I could only feel you – your warmth, your body, your energy…”
You smiled at him. “That’s what sex is supposed to feel like.”
“Is it?” Remus said vaguely. He let out another hard breath and once again pushed his sweaty hair back.
Wow, he looks good when he does that, a small, young, and smitten voice whispered in your head. Goodness, I knew I was in love with Remus since forever, but am I still not over my crush?
Remus, noticing you staring at him, said, a bit self-consciously, “What? What is it? Am I looking all foolish again?”
You smiled. “Yes. Yes, you are.”
Remus sighed. In a remorseful little voice, he muttered, “Can’t be helped, I suppose.”
Resisting the urge to repay the favor of pinning him down and lavishing him with kisses, you instead lifted your hand into the air – a small, quiet gesture.
Remus slowly lifted his hand, too. Then, he very thoughtfully slipped his fingers between yours and began to close his fingers around your hand. You smiled, but Remus kept going and that quiet, gentle handhold gradually became very tight and pressing.
You blinked. “Remus?”
“Sweetheart, come closer, won't you?” Remus murmured, though still between hard pants. His voice was a little ragged, on account of how hard he’d been huffing and growling as he took you today.
You softly scooted closer to him. "Hello," you said quietly.
"Hello," Remus replied, equally quietly. He ran his hand all down the side of your face, gently caressing your cheek.
You lifted your hands and pressed them warmly against Remus' chest. You softly traced his scars with your fingertips. "This one's newer," you murmured, running your fingers along a brighter scar.
With his other hand, Remus reached down and grabbed your hand in his. Then, he slowly pressed your hand firmly against his chest, so that your palm covered his newer scar.
You looked up at Remus. He trusts me, you realized. He isn't hiding himself from me anymore. Your eyes filled with tears, and you smiled up at him.
"Don't cry, Lovely," Remus whispered gently. His thumb flickered under both of your eyes, as he murmured, "I can't stand it when you cry."
You slipped your arms around Remus and buried your face against his chest and took deep breaths, taking in his calming scent. Remus kissed the top of your head and he put his arms around you, tucking you in against him and reminding you that you were with him, that there was nothing to be afraid of, because he loved you.
Nothing more was said, because nothing needed to be said. As you lay there, it occurred to you that you could hear a soft, warm pitter-patter. It’s been raining all day today. It suits us, somehow. This sense of nostalgia that appears only when we're hidden away together, in our own little world... Perhaps it's a little sad to think of, but it's home for the both of us - yes, for the both of us.
* * * * * * * * * *
Back at your mother’s apartment, your brother approached her and asked, “Mum, how come you were so hard on Remus?”
“Because life will be hard for them," your mother replied, not mincing words. "They need to recognize the strength that they have, if they want to be truly happy together.”
“What do you mean? They seem happy. I mean, they seem in love, right?”
Your mother snorted. “Oh, sure, those two have got love all sorted out. They can’t help themselves, clearly. But you know, love doesn’t always bring happiness. You have to be willing to work for happiness. And you have to do it together. If you’re afraid of yourself or if you don’t trust your partner, the happiness won’t come. I was trying to teach them that.”
“Well, I don’t think Sis took it very well.”
“No. Foolish, headstrong girl,” your mother said, shaking her head. But a moment later, she added, in a quiet voice, “But that’s how it should be, I suppose.”
When your brother looked confused, your mother explained, “Your father was just like that, too. I remember that when I went to meet his family, I wore my best dress. But his entire family still disliked me – saying that I was too hardy for a woman, that I wasn’t graceful or feminine, that I wouldn’t make a good wife or mother. And do you know what your father did? He took my hands, led me out of the room, and proposed on the stairs of his family house that very evening.” She looked at your brother. “Do you remember much of your father?”
Your brother paused. He squinted for a moment, as though he were trying to bring a hazy vision into focus. “Hm… I think I do, actually. But then, I’m not sure if it’s a memory or a dream. It all blurs together sometimes. Probably because I was so young.”
At this, your mother reached out and gently put her arm around your brother. She spoke in a soft, gentle voice that she rarely ever used. “No, my memories and dreams of him blur together too. It wasn’t because you were young. It was because we loved him so much that our hearts remember him more than our minds do. And that’s how it should be, I think. I’m sure that that’s exactly how he would want to be remembered.”
#fanfic#fanfiction#marauders#marauders era#harry potter imagine#harry potter smut#foxtail and wolfsbane#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin#remus lupin smut
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Foxtail & Wolfsbane 44
Summary: Your lifelong obsession to hunt down the Nine-Tailed Fox has not gone as expected, and seventeen years later, you find yourself coming back to the place where it all started: Hogwarts. However, with Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban and Headmaster Dumbledore’s hire of a certain Professor R. J. Lupin, you suddenly find yourself intertwined in the fates of those with whom you thought you had parted ways with long ago.
[Multi-Post Story] [Rowan Scamander x Reader] [Remus Lupin x Reader] [Young Sirius Black x Reader] [Tristan Graves x Reader] [Severus Snape x Reader] *Note: Rowan Scamander, Tristan Graves, Susana Holmes, Cas Carneirus, Henrietta Weiss, Thomas Picquery, and Magdalene Clarke are OC characters.
[Warning: Story Contains Explicit Smut.]
*Please do not repost or copy my work without my permission. Thank You!
☾ Click Here for Foxtail & Wolfsbane Home Page (All Chapter Links) ☾
You and Remus returned to Grimmauld Place. Things were hectic for a while as the Order prepared for Harry’s hearing after his use of the Patronus Charm at Privet Drive.
Once the hearing passed and it was decided that Harry was allowed to return to Hogwarts, Remus reminded you of your promise to go see your mother (a stupid “credibility check,” as you called it) and he asked, in a somewhat embarrassed voice, if he might be allowed to tag along “to fix the horrendous impression that he’d given to your mother so far.”
“You don’t have to prove anything to her, Remus,” you assured him, but you were fine with him coming along with you, as long as he would not take to heart any harsh things your mother might say to him.
You and Remus had this discussion in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, and Sirius was there and heard all of it. When you returned to your room to go “at least look at some job openings,” Sirius turned to Remus. “Look at you. She’s got you meeting the mother-in-law already, huh?”
Remus replied, “No, it was my request to go and see her.”
Sirius chortled. “What a puppy.”
Remus blinked. “I’m a what?”
Sirius nodded at the doorway, which you’d just exited through. “A puppy. For her.”
Remus replied, a bit peevishly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Padfoot. You’re the dog here, not me.”
Sirius laughed. “All right, suit yourself.”
Remus looked over at Sirius. “What about you, Padfoot? Aren’t you interested in seeing anyone?”
Sirius sighed before he reeled off, “Moony, do I have to remind you that I’m a mass-murderer felon on the run, with a huge bounty on my head? Besides that, all the real Death Eaters are after me and would love nothing more than to kill me and sell my corpse for money?”
“Oh. Right.” Remus shut up. He turned to leave the kitchen as well, when he heard Sirius murmur, “Besides, Remus, you got your second chance. But I never did. Marlene’s gone. I’m never going to make peace with that.”
Remus turned back. “Sirius…”
Sirius remained silent.
Remus continued, “You did everything you possibly could to protect her. You even hid your feelings from her, just to make sure the Death Eaters wouldn’t target her - ”
“- And they did anyways, and I wasn’t even there when they killed her,” Sirius finished flatly.
“It could have happened to any one of us,” Remus said quietly. “I know that doesn’t make it any better, but what I’m trying to say is that it wasn’t your fault. Not in the slightest.”
Sirius said nothing.
Remus said cautiously, “Sirius?”
Sirius’ eyes had gone dark. But he merely said, “Don’t worry, Moony. You just take care of your woman, all right? You were always more mature than the three of us – it’s only right that you finally have some happiness.”
Remus looked worriedly at his best friend. He could feel Sirius’ barely restrained fury and behind that, a need for chaos and violence, feeding into Sirius’ already strong tendency for recklessness.
But now you had come down, with a messy roll of half-heartedly tagged job pamphlets in your hand. “Come on, then, Remus. Let’s be off.” You reached out and took Remus’ hand. As you pulled him along, you remarked, “With any luck, my brother will be home, so you can escape with him if things go poorly.”
“You’ve already thought of an escape route for me?” Remus said, chuckling nervously.
“‘Course. Last time she saw you, you were practically naked in my bedroom and you were ogling my breasts right in front of her.”
“I was decidedly not doing that.”
You shrugged. “I know you weren’t, but my mother doesn’t, and she’s the one with all the power here. Hence, you need an escape route.”
Remus sighed, quietly accepting his fate, as you pulled him along and out the door.
* * * * * * * * * *
However, as soon as you and Remus stepped out of Grimmauld Place, it became clear that Remus had his own plans in mind. “I’d like to go somewhere before we head to your mother’s. I’ll Apparate us there together, if you’ll take my hand.”
You looked at him curiously. But knowing that it wasn’t safe to be standing out on the doorstep of Grimmauld Place for too long, you took Remus’ hand without further conversation.
Remus turned, Apparating, and you followed him, clutching his hand in yours, as he took you to…
“A car rental shop?” You scrunched your nose as you looked up at the signpost hanging above the Muggle store. “Remus, why did you bring me here?”
“I rented a car for us. Just for today,” Remus answered.
You stared at him, amazed. “Uh, why?”
Remus merely opened the door and nodded at you to step inside.
As you went inside, you whispered to Remus, “Is this some front for an Order hide-out or something?”
* * * * * * * * * *
Ten minutes later, you stared in disbelief as Remus started up the small, tired car – the car gave a little lurch that made Remus frown - and began to drive it out onto the streets.
You had grown up in the Muggle world, after all, so the car was familiar to you, but you could not imagine why Remus wanted to take a car to your mother’s place.
Fifteen minutes later, the car gave a loud blech, and both you and Remus started. Remus gave a somewhat nervous chuckle and patted the driving wheel. “Almost there, just hold on…”
* * * * * * * * * *
Finally, the two of you parked on the sidewalk outside of your mother’s apartment. The car let out a tired sigh as Remus turned off the ignition. Then, Remus reached into his cloak and pulled out a tie. He took off his cloak, revealing that he was wearing a white button-up and a patchy grey jacket underneath. Remus quickly put on the tie. He brushed his hand through his hair once or twice.
This entire time, you stared at him with wide eyes. Finally, you croaked, “What in name of Merlin are you - ?”
“I simply want to make a good impression,” Remus replied quietly.
You started to respond, but he looked so serious that you bit your tongue which, given your temperament, was quite a feat.
“Shall we?” Remus exited the car. He came over and opened your car door.
You swung your legs out. Instead of getting up, you simply looked up at Remus, studying him. Your head went up and down as you took him in, from head to foot.
Remus blushed, tugged at his tie, and looked away. “We should get going. We don’t want to be late.”
You slowly got out of the car. Remus closed the door behind you and locked the car. The two of you made your way up to the apartment door.
You had barely started to knock when the door flew open – and your brother caught you in a huge hug. “Sis!”
Having graduated from college and started a professional job as an accountant, your brother was now very much an adult. You were amazed to see how much he had grown. I can’t believe he’s all grown up, you thought fondly. Now you had to reach up to pat his hair. Yeah, he’s not so little anymore.
Still, his trademark smile was exactly the same as when he had been a little boy, as he said excitedly, “Long time, no see! How come you were away for so long?”
“Oh…” You paused, thinking through everything that had happened since you had seen him last. You settled for, “I was busy with a few things.”
“Mum says you haven’t got a proper job.”
You rolled your eyes. But then, you admitted, with a sigh, “Well, she’s right.” You looked at your brother and smiled. “But we can’t all be accountants, can we?”
Your brother pulled a face. “I know, I know, it’s such a boring, predictable job. But it turns out that it comes easy to me, it’s good money, and I’ll save up until we’re more comfortable. Then, I’ll think about what I want to do next.”
You reached up and gently patted his hair again. “Well, now, don’t work too hard.”
Remus had been standing patiently behind you this entire time. Just then, he reached up to nervously adjust his tie for the umpteenth time, and your brother caught sight of him. He pointed to Remus and shouted, “It’s him!”
You deftly shoved your brother inside of the apartment before he could scream aloud to the entire flat neighborhood that Remus was a shapeshifter.
Sure enough, your brother cried out, “You were wicked cool! Scary, for sure – but awesome!”
You reached out and grasped your brother’s shoulder. “Tone it down a little, will you?”
Your brother shook his head. “No way! You didn’t see him, but he was a hero! He saved us, y’know, Mum and me!”
Remus was slowly turning tomato red. He put his hands up and mumbled desperately, “No… No, really… Please don’t -”
“Ah. You’ve come, have you?” Your mother entered the room.
“Hi, Mum.” You held up your job pamphlets. “Look, I’ve done my due diligence.”
“And?”
“What?”
“What job did you decide on?”
“Oh.” You glanced at the cover of the first pamphlet. “Uh… Gringotts Bank Teller.”
Your mother’s eyes narrowed. “Is that so?”
“Yep.”
Your mother huffed, “You have to be a goblin to do that.”
You paused. “How did you know that?”
In truth, your mother now had a near encyclopedic knowledge of the Wizarding World, both because she took her job extremely seriously and studied all there was to know about the magical world and also because Arthur Weasley was one of those wonderful people who filled up spaces with the most pleasant, easy-going chatter of the many places and people he was interested in.
Your mother crossed her arms. “You’re not being serious about this, are you?”
“I am!” you said hurriedly. “I swear.”
Remus stepped up to your side. “The truth is that there’s an organization that needs your daughter very much.”
Your mother eyed Remus distrustfully.
Remus continued, “You’ve likely recognized from working at the Ministry that things are… not altogether well in the Wizarding World. And the organization operating at Grimmauld Place is attempting to rectify that, and they rely entirely on volunteers. While it’s not a formal job, per se, it’s quite important work.”
“Hm.” Your mother looked Remus up and down, much as you had done in the car. “Well, that’s true,” she conceded. “Arthur has been telling me about Professor Dumbledore’s efforts to break the truth that the Dark Lord is back. The Ministry doesn’t seem to be taking the news very well.”
You blinked. “Mum, you know so much…”
“I’m the only one left out!” your brother interjected. “Wish I was magical. And a cool beast-man, like he is.” He nodded at Remus.
Your mother paused. “Speaking of…” She came and stood in front of Remus. “You coward.”
“Mum - ” you began.
“You shush. I’m not talking to you.” Your mother stared hard at Remus. “You didn’t tell her what you are.”
“No, ma’am,” Remus said quietly, defenselessly.
“I cannot believe you. You went so far as to be in a relationship with my daughter, and you didn’t tell her?”
“Mum, stop it - ”
“That you would lie to her like that, you awful person - ”
Remus’ face was becoming ash white. He mumbled, almost under his breath, “I- I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
You raised your voice. “Mum!”
“And how dare you be so ashamed of what you are?” Your mother poked Remus’ shoulder hard. “Do you think that you’re the only one who suffers? Most people who are poor bear the difficulties of life on their bodies; most people who are physically tired are mentally exhausted; most people who are mentally exhausted are alienated from society. Yes, your situation was extreme – but how could you let yourself fall so low, Remus Lupin? People call me a wretch, a beggar, even a whore. The only thing that saves me from my own misery is that I don’t let myself believe in it and I don’t let myself become it. But you - ”
Completely fed up, you suddenly jumped in-between your mother and Remus. Turning to your mother, you said furiously, “He saved your life, so I don’t know what the hell you’re going on about! Besides, this is between me and Remus and I’ve decided that I’m fine with it, so who are you to come in and cause problems for us?”
Your mother said quietly, “I don’t want either of you to suffer just because you’re in love. Feelings can fade away, but the truth doesn’t.”
At this, Remus’ eyes flashed up to your mother.
But you were too enraged to notice. “Remus insisted that we come here and pay our respects to you, but I’ve had it. Come on, Remus, let’s get out of here.” You turned and grabbed Remus’ arm and yanked him out of the apartment.
Your brother called after the two of you, “I still think you were awesome!”
* * * * * * * * * *
You led the way back to the car, fuming all the while. “I don’t know what she expects, when she goes off like that. Honestly, who does she think she is? She can say stuff like that to me, of course, because I’m her kid, but what right has she got to say anything to you?”
Remus slid into the driver’s seat. “She’s right, though” he said quietly. “She’s only saying things I need to hear.”
“She’s not right,” you said hotly. “And we’re not coming back here until she apologizes. Let’s go, Remus.”
Remus started up the car.
However, on the way back – the car suddenly lurched once more and the drive became extremely bumpy.
“Oh, no,” Remus sighed. “I’ll have to have a look.” He pulled the car over.
You started to clamber out as well when Remus said, “No, you stay in the car. It shouldn’t take long, I hope.”
You waited in the car for ten minutes before you stuck your head out of the window. “Do you know what you’re doing, Rem? Or do you want some help?”
“No, no, I’ve got it. It’s a flat tire, that’s all.”
You waited ten minutes more – “Forget it,” you muttered, and you got out of the car.
You walked over to the tail end of the car. “Sorry, Remus, but I’d rather be out here and - ” Your words died on your lips as you took in the sight of Remus, with his shirt half-opened, sleeves rolled up, hair a right mess, grease on his shoes and pants, a streak of dirt on his cheek, and some type of grim on his forearms, and his tie flung haphazardly over his shoulder. It was rather humid outside, the sort-of atmosphere that gripped the world right before a rainstorm, and Remus’ face was covered in a light sheen of sweat. He looked utterly bemused, with his brows drawn together, as he stared hard at the car tire.
You put your hand over your mouth and fought the urge to break out laughing.
Remus looked up at you. “Sorry this is taking so long,” he said ruefully. “I thought I knew how to do this.”
“Never mind,” you said. “Let me help. I know how to do this.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, my father taught me when I was quite young. That was back when we had a car, and when he was still around, of course…” You rambled on as you replaced the tire with ease. “He loved cars. He used to take broken junk cars and fix them all up. My brother and I would just sit and watch him. Mum would bring us juice and sandwiches. If it was a nice summer day, we’d all sit outside together while Dad worked on his car… There. Done.” You stepped back to review your handiwork. “That should get us back to the car rental store.”
Remus gave you a sheepish grin. “Nice job.”
You laughed brightly. “Oh, Rem, you look a right mess.”
Remus reached up and pushed his now-scruffy hair back from his face. “I’m sure I do.”
You came over and attempted to straighten out the front of his hair. “Ah, what a shame. When you even wore a suit...”
Remus sighed. “What a mess. Everything fell apart today, didn’t it?”
You used your sleeve to wipe the streak of dirt off of his cheek. “Why did you go to the trouble of all this, anyhow? I know you wanted to make a good impression on my mum, but why the car and the suit?”
“Well…” Remus gave a half-hearted shrug. “Isn’t this what a stable, successful man looks like in the Muggle world? A car and a suit?”
“Sure, but why would that matter?” you asked, confused, but tenderly dusting off the shoulders of his jacket.
“It’s only that I – Well - ” Remus cleared his throat. “It’s clear to me that your family loves you, and I suppose I wanted to give them confidence that you’ll be safe with me.”
“Oh…” You paused. He wanted to convince my mother that I’d be safe with him. You stared up at Remus. How… How sweet…
“I couldn’t come right out and say it, not just yet,” Remus murmured, speaking almost to himself now. “Still, I wanted to try to convey that to them. I thought, well, maybe showing that I can be a respectable, decent man – in the Muggle way since they might be more familiar with that – might help them feel more comfortable with me. Especially with your mother. Although, she seems quite knowledgeable about the Wizarding World now, so maybe this was all for nothing. But I wanted to show her that I’m not some half-naked loon tripping over pears and oranges – well, I was – but that’s not all I am - ”
You flung your arms around Remus’ shoulders and kissed him as hard as you could.
Remus started. His hands flew out and he grasped your hips as you all but barreled into him.
Remus Lupin, you wonderful man, you thought, as you kissed him silly. Always so thoughtful…
“Lovely!” Remus breathed out, as you furiously kissed his face all over.
A car passed by just then, and all five people inside wolf-whistled and the driver honked.
Embarrassed, Remus murmured, “Er – perhaps we should – uh – drive back first…”
You and Remus, both a bit dazed, got back in the car.
“It’s quite hot outside, isn’t it?” Remus murmured, wiping the back of his hand across his forehead. “I didn’t realize while I was outside, but now we’re back in the car, I can tell that it’s very humid outside.” He peered out of the window and up at the sky. “Looks like rain soon.”
You nodded, though you weren’t looking out at the window at all. You were staring at Remus, and you watched as a thin sliver of sweat dripped from the side of his face. You hesitated. Humid… Yes, that’s why I’m feeling this way. That’s all it is. Humid. Electric. Feverish… You clasped your hands together and then sandwiched them between your knees. Just the humidity…
Remus drove a little ways, but when the car stopped at a traffic light, you whispered, unable to help yourself, “…Remus.”
“Hm?” Remus looked over at you.
You were staring at him, with your hands clasped tightly in your lap. Your shirt had gone slightly lopsided, catching a bit on your shoulder. But Remus only noticed that for a second, because the next moment, he caught sight of your expression – your brow was furrowed and your eyes had that brilliant sparkle that was your trademark when you wanted something – Remus’ heart thumped –
“Remus,” you whispered again. You lifted one hand and slowly reached over and put it on top of Remus’ hand. “You… You look good in a suit.”
“Oh…” Remus, hardly realizing it, began to lean over to kiss you…
The traffic light turned green.
“Traffic light,” you whispered softly.
Remus started. “Ah, right. Sorry. Must pay better attention.” Your hand slipped off of Remus’ as Remus began driving again.
You hesitated. You didn’t want to be too needy, but your mind was dizzy with a strange sort of fever.You blurted out, “I’m sorry, but could we stop the car behind that tree? Just for – Just for a few seconds.”
“Um, all right.” Remus parked the car in an empty parking lot, behind a leafy willow tree. He made a half-hearted joke, bleating out, “Huh, did we fix the car just to drive another five feet?”
“I suppose so,” you said. You meant to laugh, but the tension was killing you. It’s just that he’s so kind and considerate, and it honestly makes my heart race, and I’d like to be close to him… Please… Rather thoughtlessly, you’d reached out, as if to touch his chest – but you suddenly paused, and your fingers slipped around his tie instead.
Remus, whose knuckles had turned white from gripping his hands into fists, whispered tightly, “Lovely?”
“Remus…”
“What?”
“I like your tie very much, too.”
Remus looked over at you, slightly puzzled. “You like me in a tie and suit?”
You nodded softly, staring at him as though through a haze. “Yes, very much.” You slowly slid your hand up his tie, up his chest… His warmth… I love feeling his warmth… I want – I want to sink into him. You swallowed hard, though you tried to be discreet about it.
“Well,” Remus said wryly, “that doesn’t bode too well, does it? Seeing as we go around in cloaks most days - ”
You cut him off, with a soft, but quite tight, murmur. “Remus.”
Remus paused. Why does she keep saying my name? I mean, I don’t mind at all. But it sounds like she wants something, only she won’t say what it is. He was suddenly very aware of the fact that you had slid your hand up his tie and were now pulling gently at the knot. He wondered, is she trying to get my tie off? Remus’ gaze traced your hand, then your arm, up to your shoulder, then to your face… His eyes met yours.
Oh. The realization hit Remus all at once.
Remus’ mouth suddenly became very dry, and his heart leapt into his throat. He heard himself say, in a cracked, uncertain voice that barely sounded like him, “Would you – Would it be all right if I kissed you?”
Your eyes brightened at once, but, almost in contrast, you nodded solemnly.
“Yes…?” Remus whispered hoarsely.
And then, that blessed word fell from your lips, “Yes.”
That was it.
You both leaned towards each other at the same moment, and your mouths crashed together in a heated kiss. At once, shy but needy whimpers escaped both of you. You kissed each other feverishly, both of you turning your heads to slot your mouths together perfectly.
In that moment, all there was in that run-down little car was the tender hum, emitting from that feverish, lion-like, yet all too quiet passion that flows from our very cells when we are with our other halves.
After a long while, Remus’ hand slipped up the back of your neck (making you shiver most wonderfully) and his fingers slipped into your hair, as he pressed your head softly towards his, to kiss you deeper. You were straining slightly to breathe, as you were having to learn over the middle compartment box, but you did your best to hide it because you didn’t want to separate from Remus even an inch.
But Remus, who had brought up his other to caress your cheek, paused – for the back of his hand had brushed past your chest, and he realized how hard you were panting.
In a soft, deeply protective voice, Remus breathed out, “Come here.”
“Hm?” you murmured, still too busy kissing him. But suddenly - “Oh!”
In one swift motion, Remus grasped you and pulled you over. You gasped slightly as you suddenly found yourself in his lap.
“Better?” Remus murmured, and he leaned forward to grasp your hair again and kiss your neck rather roughly.
“Ah… Yes…” You clutched onto his shoulders and tilted your head back for him.
As he kissed your neck all over, Remus murmured, “Is this what you wanted, Lovely? Is this why you were complimenting my tie?”
“I really thought you looked nice in it,” you said softly. “But – ah - ” you gasped softly as Remus bit your neck gently – “Mm, yes, this is what I wanted.”
Having your confirmation, Remus moved with more intention now. His hands traveled down your body, feeling your breasts and then slipping down your curves, feeling your soft tummy, and then grasping gently at your hips.
You moaned, and you moved your hips softly, instinctively reacting to his gentle, loving touch.
A soft pitter-patter sound began to fill the car, as the skies finally succumbed to the weight of its gathered tears, and let the rain fall gently onto the humble earth.
Remus was kissing you lower and lower, until he greedily yanked up the front of your shirt and buried his face against your breasts. You gasped, and you hugged Remus tightly around his shoulders, holding onto him as much as you could. Remus used one hand to fist the front of your shirt and keep it out of the way. With the other, he pushed down your bra, and then, bending his head down, he pressed his open mouth against your sweet breasts.
“Uhn…” You closed your eyes and lost yourself to the sensation of Remus lavishing you with his mouth. Oh Godric, his mouth feels so good on me.
“Lovely,” Remus whispered in a raspy voice, “open your mouth a little.”
“Huh - ? Mmpfh!”
Remus had gently but decisively stuffed your shirt into your mouth, so that you could hold it up and out of the way. This left Remus free to press his hands against your back, so that he could push you forward slightly against him, and this allowed him to kiss, suck, and bite your breasts even more lovingly.
“Mm!” you gasped, and the sound came out quite muffled.
Remus’ mouth was so hot and wet, and he was sucking and biting your breasts all over, and he was holding you so that you were anchored to his lap, and you could hardly squirm.
“Mmm…” Remus moaned long and loud. Lovely’s gotten softer, somehow, he thought adoringly.
Sharing the driver’s seat together, and with Remus being rather tall and lanky, the two of you were cramped together. Remus could feel every little breath and move you were making. He felt how your legs tightened on either side of his when he bit softly at your breasts, and he could feel your tummy buckling when he ran his tongue in wet little circles around your nipples.
The fact that this space was so confined meant that it was very hard to move, and slowly but surely, a deep, feverish desire bloomed inside of you, responding joyously to the love that Remus was giving you, but also responding impatiently to the constraints of this tiny space. Soon, the fever had spread to the top of your head to your toes and you were bursting with the need to kiss Remus back, to undress him, to feel his warm skin on yours, to taste him, to have him inside of you – anything, any movement, any release – please!, you begged in your head.
Finally, with a loud, breathless gasp that made your shirt fall out of your mouth, you tugged Remus’ head back up again and you aggressively kissed him once more. Your hands slipped off of Remus’ shoulders and onto the driver’s seat behind him. Grabbing that, you pulled yourself closer to him and pressed your hips into him.
Remus breathed out heavily, and his hands fell to your thighs. When he leaned in to kiss you back, his hands steadily slid up your thighs.
You mumbled something that Remus didn’t catch and between kisses, he whispered to you, “What?”
“I said I wish I was wearing a dress,” you murmured back. “Or a skirt.”
You felt Remus’ lips curve up as he chuckled softly. “Is that so?”
You wiggled your hips slightly, hoping that Remus would get the message and slide his hands further up.
Remus kept his hands resolutely still, and he murmured to you, “Why? What are you imagining?”
You were now shifting back and forth quite obviously on Remus’ lap – yet he still kept his hands exactly where they were, in the middle of your thighs.
You groaned wantingly, “You know what, Remus John Lupin.”
Remus kept that soft smile on his lips, as he whispered teasingly, “My full name?”
“Yes, because you know,” you said accusingly. You bit down on your lower lip and let out a frustrated sigh. “…You know I have a a thing for your hands. And I… I like when you touch me.” You blushed as you admitted, “I always have.”
Remus gazed up at you, admiring your blushing face. “Is that right?”
“Yes,” you insisted. Reaching up, you gripped the back of his hair in your hands as you fidgeted on top of his lap, shifting your thighs this way and that, still hoping that his hands would slip up your thighs…
When Remus refused to budge, you groaned and let your head fall forward onto his shoulder. You tugged a bit at his hair as you muttered, “Mean.”
Remus let out a quiet laugh before he acquiesced. “All right, all right.” Finally, he slid his hands up, letting his large, warm palms move up your pants.
Lifting your head up, you hurriedly reached down with one hand undid the front button of your pants.
Remus whispered, “Why are you in such a rush, Lovely?”
In a rush? You blinked rather stupidly, for in all serious, you didn’t think you were in a rush. Rather, you didn’t understand why everything was taking so long. Why aren’t Remus’ hands on me already? you thought desperately.
But you’d already given one embarrassing confession, and you didn’t feel that you were due for another so soon. So, you managed to mumble out, “Um, don’t we have to return the car by five?”
“Ah, I see,” Remus said lightly. He let his hand brush tantalizingly between your legs as he whispered, “The car…”
“Y-Yes,” you mumbled, your voice catching when you felt Remus’ hand brush up against you. “We’ve got to return the car. Be responsible – Mm…”
Remus, finding you irresistibly cute, leaned forward and kissed you again. You started to wrap your arms around his shoulders, when he pulled back slightly to say, “And who was it that made me stop the car in the first place, hm?”
“Oh…” You looked down. Even knowing that Remus was teasing you, you felt embarrassed. Yes, it wasn’t just the humidity, was it? you thought. It was pouring rain now, but you were feeling more flushed and wanting than ever.
Remus watched you as you steadily became pinker and pinker in front of him. Oh, Lovely… Look at you, he whispered adoringly in his head. But you know, don’t you? That I want you just as badly, if not more.
At that moment, you sighed a little. Then, you turned back to Remus and said, in a low voice, “All right. I want you, Remus. I… I couldn’t wait.” You bit your lower lip again, before you continued, “And I would appreciate very much if – if - ” Your brow furrowed as you struggled to voice what you wanted to say. You burst out, rather intensely and rather ungracefully, “Don’t make me wait! Not when I want you so much.”
Remus blinked. He’d forgotten how your voice became low and raspy when you were all pent-up and wanting like this. Besides that, your reaction was much more genuine than he had intended. I was only teasing her a little. But Lovely’s so serious. She must… He swallowed hard. She must really want this. Even more than she’s letting out. She’s starving for me to touch her…
“I want you,” you repeated feelingly.
Well, I can take care of that, Remus thought. Before he knew it, he had pushed his hand into your pants and he was pressing his long fingers up against you, touching you through your panties.
Remus heard you inhale quickly and your fingers tightened in his hair.
Remus leaned forward and caught your mouth in a kiss. Yes, I can take care of you, Lovely, he said stoutly in his head, declaring a promise to himself. And I will. I won’t keep you waiting ever again. He pushed his hand further inside of your pants, until he slotted his hand firmly between your thighs. Only heaven and hell can ever know how much I want you too, my love.
You shuddered against him. “Ah… So warm…”
“Mm,” Remus breathed out, as he rubbed his hand against you.
You moaned softly as you felt that wonderful, warm pressure between your legs and against your panties. “Uh…”
Remus hugged your waist with his other arm and whispered lowly, “Just so you know, I’ll happily pay another day for this car, if it means I get to take my time and enjoy you.”
Your breath hitched – and Remus’ fingers lithely pushed aside your panties and pressed down on your bare clit –
O-Ohhhhh… Your hands slipped out of Remus’ hair. One slipped onto the window, and the other fluttered about in the air until you finally found the dashboard to hold onto.
“There you go,” Remus murmured, pushing his fingers in tight little circles against your clit. “Getting all warm and wet, mm, good girl.”
“R-Remus,” you blurted out – and then you let out a soft, but desperate, open-mouthed moan as Remus leaned forward to kiss the side of your neck softly while he touched you.
You didn’t know if Remus was aware of this, but he had a tendency to cage you in and pin you down when he got lost in the heat and pleasure of it all. Sure enough, the more fervent your gasps became and the more your hips bucked against his hands, the more Remus leaned forward, until he was all but pinning you down against the steering wheel.
You leaned forward at first, trying to even out the balance. But when Remus finally pushed aside your panties with a quick brush of his fingers and then pressed his warm hand directly against your bare pussy, your mind went beautifully blank for a second and you leaned back entirely.
HONNNNKKK!
You both jumped – and you hit the top of your head against the roof of the car – “Ow!”
“Lovely!”
“No, it’s fine, I’m fine. It’s just… the stupid car horn.”
Remus sheepishly hugged you back towards him, so that you weren’t leaning against the steering wheel. “Oh, right. Forgot about that.”
“Well, forget about it again,” you murmured, and you began to kiss his neck.
Remus moaned softly, and he let his head fall back against the driver’s seat.
You let out a soft growl and you bit and sucked at his neck. Your hands found his shoulders and you held onto him as you buried your head against his neck. At the same time, your thighs, positioned on either side of his, squeezed tightly, and then you gently rolled your hips forward against him. At the same time, with your mouth still latched onto Remus’ neck, you let out a hard pant, and Remus felt your warm breath puff across his neck.
Remus’ heart gave a leap when he felt you push up against him like that. His eyes opened, and his hands shot to your thighs.
Remus continued to let you have him, kissing and biting at his neck all over, making sure he knew – both now when he was feeling your sweet mouth on him and later, when your soft love marks would bloom brilliantly all over his neck – that he was yours.
Remus was more than happy to let you take your time in kissing him so sweetly and marking him as yours, but he couldn’t merely sit still. He had to touch you, too. He had to. His hands slid up to the insides of your thighs and he made to touch you again, only you were pressed up too close to him. Not wanting to push you away, yet needing to touch you, Remus made to push your thighs open more, but the space was too small, and your knees pushed up against the car door on one side, and the middle compartment on the other. Remus let out a noise of impatience.
You paused. “Something wrong?”
“No, it’s only – Well, if I could only touch you,” Remus murmured, with his words all tumbling out in a soft waterfall. “Could we perhaps move to the back seat?”
Before you could even make sense of his words, Remus had lifted you slightly. Realizing what he wanted, you quickly clambered over into the backseat and Remus followed after you.
As soon as you turned around, Remus pushed you gently but hastily down onto the seat with a rough, needy kiss.
“Ah…” You moaned against his mouth, and your hands came up to his chest, to help steady him, while Remus’ hands had already found your waist to hold onto as he tumbled into the seat after you.
Remus was quite greedy with you, sinking into you quickly so that your thighs had to spread to make room for his hips. His hands slipped off of your waist, and he put one hand down on the seat to keep from collapsing on top of you, but with his other hand he touched your face lovingly, brushing your cheek with his thumb repeatedly while he cradled your face.
You closed your eyes, losing yourself to the wonderful sensation of Remus holding you and kissing your neck all over. Everything was so perfect – except for that growing ache between your legs. “Since we’ve got a bit more space now, might you - could you – um – could you maybe – ah…” you stuttered out, as Remus sucked hard at your neck.
“Hm?” Remus replied rather nonchalantly as he left a soft flurry of love bites all over your throat – his reply, as it were, to tell you that you were his.
“Ah!” You trembled and your hips bucked softly, and it took you a minute to pull yourself together before you managed to whisper, in a wanting, yet dreamy voice that sounded much the same as it had many years ago, when the two of you were curled up under the Ravenclaw tapestry, sharing your dormitory bed: “H-Hands. Want your hands on m-me.”
Remus nodded. He began to reach down and slide his hand back into your pants, when you suddenly grabbed his wrist.
Remus paused and looked down at you, wondering why you were grabbing him like that. You stared up at him and whispered, “…Inside me.”
“What, Lovely?” Remus murmured. “Say it again.”
“Fingers…” Your hand slipped down and you gently traced his fingers with your own, as you breathed out, “…inside me…please.”
Remus breathed out. He lowered himself to gently press his forehead against yours. “You want my fingers inside of you, Lovely?”
You nodded fervently, and you guided Remus’ hand to quickly slip into your pants.
Remus smiled, adoring the way that you were asking for him. He brushed aside the thin slip of cloth covering you with the back of his fingers, and then -
“Ah...” You shut your eyes tightly as you felt his fingers push gently inside of you. Your hands came up and you gently held onto the sides of Remus’ jacket.
“Mm,” he whispered hoarsely. “So tight, sweetheart.”
Remus burrowed his fingers deeper into you and then curved them slightly inside of you, pushing you open just a bit.
“Uh!” Your thighs trembled and you squeezed Remus’ jacket tighter, with your hands bunching up into fists. Your stomach tensed, and your head came up for a moment, as a tight pant escaped you.
Remus slipped his other arm around your shoulders and, gently pulling you up, he hugged you to him.
You hugged him right back and you buried your face in his shoulder and moaned as Remus fingered you harder.
You grasped messily at the seat and blearily made your way up until your head was resting against the window. But Remus followed you, until he had you caged right where he wanted you – against the window, and very much in his arms.
Mm, Remus thought, loving the feeling of your warm, wet walls squeezing his fingers. All tight and sweet, my Lovely…
And as he pumped his fingers inside of you steadily, you slipped back down slightly, until your face was pressed up a little against Remus’ chest. You tried in vain to prop your feet up against the seat or the floor, but Remus’ hips were resting between your thighs, and besides, he was touching you quite fervently now, and you didn’t have much strength left in your legs as your thighs squeezed against his hips and your toes curled in your shoes.
In desperation, you reached out and sought solace by hugging Remus and gripping his jacket in your hands and moaning deeply against his chest.
Remus felt your hot breath on his chest. He bent his head down and gently nudged your head with his, bringing your face up, and then he caught your lips in another kiss. You kissed him back, but then Remus thrust his fingers into you – you cried out and fell back. And when Remus chased you for another kiss, you panted out, “Ah – W-Want - , B-But c-can’t, Rem!”
Remus paused. He hadn’t noticed until now how hard he was squeezing you into his hug, making you pant quite hard while he finger-fucked your pussy deeper and deeper. A sheen of sweat was on your forehead, and your face had gone all pink. Remus also realized, for the first time, how tense your thighs were and how tight your grip was on his jacket.
“Oh, Lovely, are you close?” Remus breathed out, surprised.
“Nngh – Of course I am – Are you – Are you teasing me?” you half-panted and half-mumbled out, almost indignantly.
Remus smiled softly at you. He replied, earnestly, “I wasn’t teasing.” In his head, he thought, Though now I want to, seeing how cute you are like this, Lovely…
While he was gazing at you, his hand had paused. And you couldn’t stand it. More than anything, you needed him to keep going. “Rem, don’t stop, please,” you begged suddenly. You reached down and grasped his wrist needily. “I – I am close. Please don’t stop.”
“All right. Just… shush. I’ve got you, Lovely.” Remus worked his fingers back into you – deep and somewhat roughly – and he watched your mouth drop open and the flush on your cheeks turn even more brilliant.
“Oh, Godric, yes, right there,” you breathed out heavily. “Ah, ah, ah…!” Your hands pattered down his arms furiously and then – you scrabbled a little at the front of his shirt before you managed to yank his shirt out of his trousers so that you could grip it – right as that incredible tension began to coil up in your tummy.
Remus could feel your pussy spasming all around his fingers. “So tight,” he hissed lightly. He could only imagine how tight you could feel around his cock… He pushed his fingers back into your wet little pussy harshly, and you gasped, “Ah!”
Your back arched – Remus hurriedly tugged downwards at your waist, to keep you anchored against him, for he wanted to feel you cum for him – and your thighs trembled heavily all over and then – “Uhnnnnn…!”
Remus moaned with you, as he felt you release with his fingers still buried deeply inside of you.
Desperately pushing your hands against the window and the seat, you lifted yourself just enough that you could clamp your thighs together, drawing Remus’ fingers even deeper inside of you as you came all over his hand.
Remus groaned. Her sweet cum… Mm… I want it. His eyes flickered up to you. You had your eyes closed, and you were panting furiously. Your shirt was caught just above your bra, and Remus watched the way your tight little body moved as you fought to catch your breath. I want her, Remus thought. I… want her so badly. All of her.
“Sweetheart,” Remus whispered.
“W-What?” you breathed out. “Do – Do we need to return the car?”
Remus still kept one arm around you, but with his other hand, he gently pulled down the front of your shirt. As he did, he replied, “I suppose. But that’s not what’s on my mind.”
You opened your eyes and looked at him. “Huh? What do you mean?”
“I want to take you to bed,” Remus said, and he lifted his hand and slowly sucked at his fingers. “If you’ll let me.”
“Oh. Oh.” Your heart jolted happily.
“To do that, I suppose we have to return this car first, though I have half to mind to drive straight to Grimmauld Place right now.”
You stared at Remus with wide eyes. He’s so assertive. Has he always been like this?
Remus paused. “Unless… you don’t want to, of course.” Just like that, his gentlemanly demeanor returned. He reached up and quietly fixed your hair for you.
“That sounds like a wonderful plan,” you said finally, smiling at him.
“Okay, then.” Remus gently helped you to get back in your seat.
When you had clambered back into his seat, Remus paused.
“Wha – Oh! I’m so sorry,” you said, when you noticed the small wet spot you had left on the front of his trousers.
Remus chuckled. “Don’t apologize, sweetheart. I’m the one who made you like that, after all.”
You stared hungrily at Remus. Oh Gods, if he keeps talking like that, I’m not going to be able to stop myself.
Remus looked over at you. “What?”
“Let’s… get going, please,” you said, and your voice nearly cracked with want.
Remus nodded. “All right. And I’m sorry to stop there, but – well, for what I’d like to do with you, the car simply isn’t big enough.”
Your heart skipped a beat – and your pussy thumped. You slotted both your hands between your legs and squeezed them. In a small voice, you whispered tightly, “Um, if you speed a little, I won’t tell.”
Remus laughed lightly, but his eyes were serious and his entire body was quite tense as he hurriedly drove the car back to the shop.
You waited outside for him. When Remus came out, you held your hand out and said, “Rem - ” By then, he had already grabbed your hand and Apparated back to Grimmauld Place.
#fanfic#fanfiction#foxtail and wolfsbane#harry potter imagine#harry potter smut#marauders era#marauders#remus lupin#remus lupin smut#remus lupin x reader
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Foxtail & Wolfsbane 43
Summary: Your lifelong obsession to hunt down the Nine-Tailed Fox has not gone as expected, and seventeen years later, you find yourself coming back to the place where it all started: Hogwarts. However, with Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban and Headmaster Dumbledore’s hire of a certain Professor R. J. Lupin, you suddenly find yourself intertwined in the fates of those with whom you thought you had parted ways with long ago.
[Multi-Post Story] [Rowan Scamander x Reader] [Remus Lupin x Reader] [Young Sirius Black x Reader] [Tristan Graves x Reader] [Severus Snape x Reader] *Note: Rowan Scamander, Tristan Graves, Susana Holmes, Cas Carneirus, Henrietta Weiss, Thomas Picquery, and Magdalene Clarke are OC characters.
Note: Part 43 does not contain any smut.
*Please do not repost or copy my work without my permission. Thank You!
☾ Click Here for Foxtail & Wolfsbane Home Page (All Chapter Links) ☾
A brush of warm air against the arch of your shoulder,
A flicker of sunshine flitting past your forehead,
A tiptoe of touch leaving warmth forevermore within the small crook of your neck,
A whisper of love half-muttered, only to be lost between the meeting of two warm, needy mouths,
A tingle of secrets, an unspoken craving trailing around and around the both of you,
Neigh indistinguishable shapes curling around each other, over and over again,
Like two moths wrapped up in the same summer flower, you and Remus were dozing off in bed, but neither of you truly fell asleep, as you were too busy giving each other little, glancing kisses and finding new ways to hug and hold each other, even as your eyes were closed and your minds wandering.
You were dreaming of each other, not just in your slumber, but in the waking world as well.
It had taken you and Remus so absurdly long to get to this place of being able to hold each other, that now you couldn’t let go. Sleepily, Remus hugged you against him as he leaned down, and mumbling nonsensical affections, he tiredly brushed his lips against your eyelids. Dazedly, you reached out blindly for a moment before your fumbling arms made your way around Remus, too, and you clutched right back onto him. Burying your face happily against his chest, you let out a light snore and then, without being really conscious of it, you peppered his chest with soft kisses before you relaxed once more in his arms. Only, a moment later, while Remus had fallen asleep with his mouth half-open and his arm draped around you, his arm slipped slightly from your hip. Stubborn even in your sleep, you pressed yourself tighter against Remus and you gave his chest a soft, wanting bite. Remus instinctively brought his arm back around you, sensing what you desired even in his sleep. You let out a contented sigh and you placed a fuzzy kiss on his chest to replace your bite.
As Remus fell into a deeper sleep, he turned into you slightly, suddenly pinning you against the bed. You instinctively twitched a little, but then, you slid both your arms around Remus and squeezed him tightly and you even lifted your head kissed him all down his neck before falling back against your pillow and going back to sleep.
Unfortunately, the blankets had followed Remus and wrapped around him, so that you were now under two layers of blankets and Remus. You quickly became overheated. Remus, too, was now cocooned into the blanket, and he was sweltering.
It was impossible to tell who started it, whether your half-awake mumbles were complaints about the heat, whose hands were whose, and who started to tug at whose clothes first, but somehow, it came to be that both of you had discarded your shirts and pants onto the floor, and were now sleeping quite peacefully in simply your underwear.
You remembered nothing particular of that night, but you did remember how vaguely but intensely wonderful it felt to feel Remus press back up against you in bed and to feel his warmth surrounding you as he carefully but firmly pinned you back down again beneath him and you swore that his lovely scent became stronger, and you even buried your face against the crook of his neck for a moment just to take in his scent… At some point, Remus’ fingers slipped between yours… and the two of you were holding hands. The blanket was tangled around your feet and you impatiently kicked it away (nearly kicking Remus in his shins) and then tangled your legs gently with Remus.
Remus let out a soft noise of confusion, and he squeezed your hand in his and then, he trapped one of your ankles between his legs and squeezed gently there, too. You let out a soft, blurry moan, and Remus tried to kiss you – he missed, and kissed your nose, but that was plenty fine, and you smiled a little as you fell back into your sweet, confused little dreams. Remus followed you there, and when you met, you reached out for each other and held each other there, too.
Light snores filled the air, as you and Remus, all wrapped up with other another, fell into a blissful sleep right as the sun broke the horizon.
* * * * * * * * * *
BANG!
You and Remus both shot up from the bed in shock.
A furious voice blared out, “I know you got my message! Nine hundreds dollar spent all at once, without any warning, at a library, for defacing books!? What in heaven’s name were you think -!?”
You jumped up from the bed, grabbed the blanket, and madly tackled Remus with it, attempting to envelope him in it and hide him from view.
Fwump.
Remus shouted in a muffled voice as he was pushed backwards into the bed. Unfortunately, he was quite tall and your covering his face with a sheet did nothing to hide his ankles and feet from sticking out of the blanket.
Your mother stopped dead in her tracks. Her jaw dropped for a moment.
Whipping your head around while still keeping Remus firmly tacked under the sheet, you cried out, “Mum, no!”
Your mother’s eyes narrowed, which was a most dangerous sign.
Just then, a somber little voice came huffing out, “Erm – can’t – quite – breathe - ”
“Oh!” You ripped the blanket off of Remus.
Remus sat up, flustered – and then, while wearing nothing but his boxers and sporting incredible bed hair, he made direct eye contact with your mother. His mouth fell open.
“No,” your mother growled. “Are you - ” she jabbed her finger at you “and you - ” she jabbed her finger at Remus “back together again?”
Remus slyly (but not slyly enough) picked up a pillow and cowered behind him.
“Answer me!” your mother roared.
“Yes!” you blurted out, at the same time as Remus gulped and whispered, “‘Fraid so.”
Your mother puffed in a humongous breath.
“Mum, let’s be calm here - ” you began.
“WHAT DID I SAY TO YOU ABOUT LUPIN!?” your mother shouted. She reached over and snatched Remus’ pillow out of his hands.
Remus blinked as he suddenly felt himself holding nothing but empty air.
Meanwhile, you had scurried off of the bed and started to half-run and half-trip over the complete mess of clothes and objects (ironically, all of the things you’d bought yesterday) away from your mother.
Your mother was too dignified to chase you, but as she gave the pillow a good hurl – thump! – and it hit you in the back.
“Ow!” you complained (even though, with it being a pillow, it didn’t hurt one whit). “Mum!”
“And what is this – this mess?” your mother said, staring at the pile of (what seemed to her) junk scattered all over the floor. “Why is there an orange rolling around the floor?”
Even as she spoke, you tripped backwards over the Astronomy book and landed ungracefully on your butt.
Remus, seeing you fall, started to make for you to help you, but he stepped on the (very unripe) pear. The pear went spinning, and Remus tumbled forward – your mother yelped and stepped out of the way – and he landed straight onto you.
“Remus!” you gasped. You grabbed his arms as the two of you fell onto the floor together. The two of you fell in a heap, in a mess of tangled arms and legs. Meanwhile, it occurred to you that you were both still wearing no clothes.
Remus seemed to have gone into a trance. He was staring hard at your chest with a furrowed brow.
Not the time, Remus! you thought frantically, very aware of the fact that your mother was boring a hole into the back of his head.
Giving up on everything except the state of your and Remus’ nudity, you half sat-up and reached over and grabbed a shirt off of the floor and jammed it over Remus’ head. Remus sputtered, but he got the message and he sat up and hurriedly dragged the shirt on. Too late, the two of you realized that it was your shirt, and it was stretched awfully tight on him and stopped above his belly button, but it was too late. You handed Remus the sparkling silver-and-blue tapestry from last night, which he dutifully wrapped around his waist. Meanwhile, you pulled on Remus’ shirt, which fell all the way down to just above your knees.
You got up as quickly as you could, nearly headbutting Remus. Remus was quick enough to duck, but he keeled over in an extremely ungraceful way.
“Remus,” you chided him, not realizing that he’d been trying to avoid you, “what are you doing? C’mon, get up.” You reached out and grabbed his hand and pulled him up.
Your mother had been watching you both with a murderous gaze and her eyebrows had gone higher and higher as she saw the two of you put together the most ridiculous outfits, until finally, her eyebrows seemed to have disappeared into her hairline.
“Well,” she said thinly, “are you done with your morning circus?”
Honestly, it might as well be a circus, you thought. My head is spinning and I feel like garbage.
“Mum,” you said as calmly as possible. Besides you, Remus meekly bowed his head and folded his hands together.
“I understand you’re upset, but could you please go downstairs and wait for us to come down?” you asked.
Your mother sighed. “Fine.” But as she turned for the door, she stopped and said, “It’s past noon, for heaven’s sake. How lazy are you two?” She started to leave again, but as she walked out of the door, she warned, “And no funny business! I expect you to be down shortly.”
“Yes, no – no funny business,” Remus agreed, half-calling out to her and half-mumbling in shame.
You rolled your eyes. “We’re not going to do anything when you’re downstairs waiting for us, Mum. Honestly. Just go down! We’ll be there in a second.”
Your mother harrumph-ed and closed the door behind her.
* * * * * * * * * *
When the door closed, you and Remus turned and stared at each other.
Remus’ face was very flushed. Even as you watched him now, the pink sprouted up to the very tips of his ears and then – you swore even the curl on his forehead was going pink.
“Rem, it’s okay,” you said softly, even laughing a little.
Remus reached up and ruefully scratched the back of his neck, as he murmured, “Not a great start with impressing the in-law, though…”
You blinked. In-law? However, you decided that now was not the moment. Instead, you found your pajama pants and began to pull them on. As you did, you wondered, “Why were we practically naked? I don’t remember that happening.” You looked over at Remus. “Do you?”
Remus shook his head.
“By the way,” you mentioned, “my shirt looks great on you.”
Embarrassed, Remus smiled weakly as he pulled off your shirt. He came over to you, to trade shirts with you.
However, when you pulled off his shirt, Remus suddenly put his arm around your waist and pulled you to him. Your hand naturally pressed up against his chest.
“Oh,” you whispered. Your heart gave a soft jump. “I wish we could, but we promised my mother no funny business, remember?”
“Huh?”
“She’s waiting downstairs.”
“I know that,” Remus said. “But, Lovely… What is this?” He very gently put his hand to your chest – right over your huge, knotted scar, that marked the furious battle you had fought with the succubus.
Oh, that’s right. My scar… I’ve trained myself not to look down at it anymore, you thought. Even now, whenever you glimpsed it as you put on clothes or when you were in the shower, you winced slightly. Furthermore, now that Rowan had left, every time you caught sight of the scar, a huge guilt pierced through your chest, suddenly making it difficult to breathe.
You reached up and, gently pushing Remus hand off, you put your own hand over the scar, hiding it from view. Not quite able to meet Remus’ eyes, you said simply, “It’s a long story. I’ll tell it to you another time.”
“But – But are you all right?” Remus wondered.
“Yes.” You softly pushed Remus’ shirt against his chest. “Now, please put that on. Anyways, I have to go downstairs. My mum’s still waiting, remember?”
“Yes, right.” Remus dragged his shirt on.
A few minutes later, finally fully dressed, you tromped down the stairs to meet your mother.
* * * * * * * * * *
You expected your mother to be waiting for you with an angry expression on her face, but you instead found her made dizzy with surprise between Sirius grabbing Kreacher and yanking him out of the room for saying mean things to your mother, Tonks cheerily pouring her coffee and talking at a hundred miles an hour while her hair flashed from bright pink to orange to purple, and Moody staring distastefully at the pumpkin juice, with his eerie magical eye whizzing about in its socket.
“Hi, Mum,” you said, sitting down next to her.
Tonks poured you a cup of coffee too.
“Thanks,” you said, as you accepted it.
Tonks shot your mother a careful look. Scooting closer to you, she said quietly, “Maybe it’s not my place to ask, but – well, are you with Remus now?”
You looked at Tonks – at her bright, hopeful face and vibrant hair, and you felt a puncture in your heart. Oh, God, you thought. Tonks… I’m so sorry. You slowly nodded.
“Right.” Tonks let out a heavy sigh.
You started to reach out to her, to take her hand, but Tonks quickly pulled herself back together.
“No, no,” she said, smiling as big as she could. “It was the best situation, really. I’m really – That’s so great.”
“Tonks…”
Tonks got up from the table. “Anyways, I don’t want to intrude on you and your mum any longer. I’ll go out in the hallway. Mad-Eye, c’mon!” She grabbed Moody and yanked him out into the hallway.
You stared after her for a long moment. I saw it. The hurt in her eyes, the sadness… I think… She really loved Remus. You swallowed hard.
Your mother spoke up. “What, did you do something terrible to that poor girl?”
Glumly, you answered, “I think I did.”
Your mother frowned. “What kind-of trouble are you getting yourself into these days, huh?”
You shook your head. “It’s not like that, Mum.”
“What d’you mean, it’s not like that? Where did that tremendous library fee come from?”
“About that.” You looked at your mother guiltily. “I’m sorry. I was in an emergency and I ripped the pages from several books. It turns out that they were expensive books. And… Well, I didn’t have any money.”
“What sort-of job do you have that you can’t pay this fee?” your mother asked, staring at you beadily.
Weakly, you mumbled, “That’s a – a good question.”
A beat passed.
“YOU DON’T HAVE A JOB AT ALL!?”
Upstairs, Remus, who had been cleaning up the room, dropped the orange in his hands as he heard your mother’s voice resonating throughout the large, grim house.
* * * * * * * * * *
It took you over two hours to persuade your mother that you were fine, that you were on the path to getting a real job, and that you and Remus had only just gotten back together and were still “casual” (though it most certainly is not, you amended in your head). Finally, with the promise of coming to see your mother in two weeks (“To check in, because clearly, you need some motivation to grow up,” your mother seethed at you), you managed to usher your mother out the front door.
Just before you managed to swing the front door shut in her face, she yelled out, “And you let me talk to that Remus Lupin! He deserves a run-down for not telling you the truth before I did!”
You shut the front door before turning around and sinking back onto it. You let out a breath. You meant to shut your eyes, to give yourself a moment. Only, Remus was standing in front of you, blinking rather furiously at you.
“Hello, Remus,” you said cheerfully.
Remus blinked back at you.
You walked up to him. You reached up – he shifted back slightly – but you smiled and gently pushed back the curl resting on his forehead. As you did, you whispered, “Think that’s in your eyes a bit, Rem.”
Remus hesitated.
“Want breakfast?” You grasped his hand and pulled him along to the kitchen. “I’m starving, frankly. I skipped dinner yesterday and I’ve used more energy in wrangling my mother than I normally use in a week.”
You led Remus to a chair at the table. Then, you pushed up your sleeves and began to throw together breakfast when -
“Lovely.”
You paused.
Remus was still sitting at the table, but he was looking over at you now.
“Yes?” you said.
“You did say you were angry.”
“About?”
“About my never having told you… what I was.” Remus’ voice fell into a whisper. “On the ship. You said that you would be much more obvious about how angry you were, if there hadn’t been so many chaotic things going on.”
“Ah, I did say that, didn’t I?” You put the pan down on the countertop and faced Remus, giving him your complete attention.
“And before that, when we were on watch together, watching over Lovegood’s house.” Remus swallowed. “I will never forgot how distraught you looked.”
You crossed your arms and bit down on your lower lip. You recalled the moment when your mother had told you Remus’ secret – and all of your long years suddenly made terrible sense in one blazing moment. It had shocked you no less than a bolt of lightning would have, and you had wandered around, dazed and hurt, with no sense of direction, for a long time afterwards. And poor Rowan had had to pick up the pieces… You closed your eyes.
Remus waited for you to speak, though you noticed how he was clutching his hands together, as through in pray, just under the table.
Finally, opening your eyes again, you spoke in slow, thoughtful tones. “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. Why does it linger like this, I wonder?” You took a long, slow breath. “It still hurts, but I don’t know why. I should be over it. It isn’t your fault, Remus. I understand your intentions. I know it was difficult for you, too. And I know what it’s like to be afraid to be seen as anything less than human. This is just… me being petty, I suppose.”
“You’re never petty,” Remus said quietly.
At this, you smiled at him. “Neither are you.”
Both of you lapsed into silence. There was no anger, no blame placed, no hurtful words – simply an honest conversation about your feelings and your past together.
It was still a difficult thing – this thorny feeling within you, and yet, you loved that you could talk about it now and that Remus had brought it up first. He knew that it was important to you, and this was his way of trying to get it right this time – the same as you had done for him last night.
Both of you knew, too, that wherever this conversation went, you two would still be together. It was a truly safe space.
So, you suggested, “Well, shall we take this opportunity to be a little petty?”
Remus cocked his head to the side. He exhaled slightly, as he asked, “What do you mean?”
“Y’know, I’ll pretend to be mad at you.” You nodded at him and said, “If there’s anything you’d like to get off your chest, you can be mad at me too. We’ll just get everything off our plates at once.”
Remus’ eyes went wide, and he shook his head at you.
“Are you sure?” you asked, smiling a little at him to let him know it was all right.
Remus said quietly, “I’m sure.”
“Well, then.” You reached behind you and grabbed the pan. Then, you stuck it out in the air, pointing it at Remus. “You make the eggs.”
Remus got up and shuffled over to you. As he took the pan from you, you very nearly smiled. But you caught yourself and bit your lower lip, and you managed to make a bit of a grumpy face at him as you passed him the pan.
“Hmpf,” you grumbled, and you quickly turned away from him, as if you were angry. But in truth, you were just trying to hide the merry sparkle in your eyes and on your lips.
Remus quietly and methodically made the eggs, watching them carefully until they were ready to flip and taking great care not to break them as he scraped them out of the pan. When he came out, carrying two plates of eggs, you remained silent, even though you were enjoying the way the morning sunlight caught at his still-frazzled hair and illuminated some of the old scars running down his cheek and chin.
The two of you ate quietly, not speaking. You kept your head down, fighting back smiles as Remus kept twitching and looking over at you.
Afterwards, you said, rather aloof, “Thank you.” Then, you began to collect the dishes to do the washing.
“Let me,” Remus said.
“No, I’ll do it,” you said firmly.
“But I - ”
“I can do the dishes.”
Remus came with you, anyways. He fidgeted around you, first trying to help you turn on the faucet, then taking out the soap, and then trying to find the dish towel to dry the dishes with.
“You don’t have to do that by hand. We have magic,” you reminded him.
“Yes, but I want to help.”
As Remus waited for you to wash another dish and hand it to him to dry, he kept bending his head down to catch a glimpse of your expression.
“You don’t have to wait on me. I’ve got it,” you told him.
Remus shook his head and he reached over and took another plate from you. However, he was still looking at you, and his fingers slipped on the soapy plate. The plate bounced on the counter. Fortunately, it didn’t break. Then, it began to roll – Remus hurriedly reached out and caught it before it could tumble off the counter. Blushing, he wiped it down and put it away. Then, inevitably, his gaze wandered back to you –
Fed up, you finally said, “Sit!”
“Huh?”
You pointed at the table. “Just sit!”
Remus glanced down at you. “Oh…” He put down the dish towel and then made his way back to the table.
Gah, I don’t want to make him have that expression, even if we’re just playing, you thought. You turned around. You meant to say, “All right, game over,” when you suddenly heard Remus let out a large, body-wracking sneeze.
You hurriedly turned around – only to find Remus sitting behind a huge bouquet of flowers.
And then – sneeze! – the entire bouquet of flowers shook.
You came over to the table and peered around the flowers, only to see Remus with a sniffling nose and tired eyes.
“Remus, what is this?”
“F-Flowers.”
“Yes, but why?”
“Achoo! Er – as part of my, you know, my general apology to you…” Remus looked up at you guiltily. The tip of his nose was going pink.
You stared at him. “You conjured up flowers that you yourself are allergic to? That’s an entirely new level of stupidity, or self-sabotage.”
“I didn’t know I was allergic to – to – to – ACHOO!”
“Merlin!” you shouted. You hurriedly snatched away the flowers and put them on the countertop, as far away from Remus as you could put them. You picked up a napkin. Then, in your defeated state, you came back to Remus.
“Forget it,” you said dejectedly. “I can’t do this.” You pushed your way into Remus’ lap, sitting so that you were facing him and he was facing you.
“What can’t you do?” Remus wondered glumly. “Forgive me?”
You gently wiped his nose with the napkin. Then, after setting it down behind you, you studied Remus for a long moment.
“Are you really angry with me?” Remus whispered, his voice hovering in the air.
You reached up and gently traced his face with your fingers. Then, you whispered, slowly and softly, “…Werewolf.”
Remus flinched. In fact, he flinched so hard that he nearly dislodged you from his lap, but you squeezed his legs with your thighs to keep yourself in his lap.
“Werewolf,” you whispered again.
Remus turned his head away – you reached forward and slipped your fingers into his hair, grasped hard, and then gently yanked him back, making him look at you.
“Werewolf.”
Remus was going pale. He stared at you with nothing short of terror in his eyes.
“Werewolf…” Then, you closed your eyes, leaned forward – and kissed him. You kissed him softly, gently, patiently, but as lovingly and adoringly as one could be kissed. Your arms slipped around his neck and you hugged yourself to him as you kissed him.
Remus was uncertain about how to respond, but when he felt your arms latch around him and your mouth press so decidedly against his, he slowly fell into the kiss. His arms came up around your waist and he held you as he kissed you back.
It was a long, tender kiss. And when the two of you broke apart, you didn’t go very far – you gently pressed your forehead against his as you caught your breath.
“I – I thought you were going to be mad at me,” Remus murmured.
You shook your head lightly, while keeping your forehead pressed to his. “Turns out that I can’t be mad at you, even for laughs.”
“No?”
“No.”
You heard Remus whisper quietly, “Thank Merlin.”
“But Remus, that’s why, to the extent that your heart allows you, you have to be honest with me. All right? I know it’s hard for you. I know that you need your space first. I understand that. But if you keep me in the dark when you’re hurting all by yourself, I’ll be stuck in that strange place again – where I can’t be mad at you, but I can’t quite… dissolve it either, on my own.” As you spoke, you pulled your head back to look at Remus, but you kept your arms around his shoulders and your thighs pressed tight to his, so that he wouldn’t feel afraid or nervous.
Remus’ eyes lightened. He gave you a soft smile as he promised, “I’ll tell you everything about me, lovely.”
“You will?”
“Yes. Anything. I’m yours.”
You smiled back at him. Then, you leaned forward and rested your head on his shoulder.
Remus rested his head gently on top of yours. Then, he said, “I don’t have anything that I’m angry about with you, but I do have a request of sorts.”
“What is it?”
“Before you go running off on another adventure, could you tell me?”
“I don’t have any adventures planned.”
“Yes, I know. But in case… Especially if you won’t be home for a while.”
You lifted your hand and pressed it warmly against his chest. “I’m always going to come back to you, Rem. I’ll always want to be with you, and I’ll always want to know you better. I have a thousand questions for you.”
“A thousand questions?” Remus repeated, amazing. “I… can’t imagine that I’m that interesting. I’m quite boring, really.”
“No, I told you. I find you harder to read than the Nine-Tailed Fox.”
“Really? What about, exactly?”
“Back when we had the Yule Ball at Hogwarts – did you want to take Dorcas Meadowes?”
“Huh?”
“Did you ever have a thing for Dorcas?”
Remus shifted slightly to look down at you. “No, silly, I wanted to take you.”
You paused. “Really?”
“Yes.”
“But you were trying to ask someone and you couldn’t and that was making you sad. So, it couldn’t have been me, right? Because you could ask me out. We spent all our evenings together. I was right there…”
“It was the full moon that night. That’s why I couldn’t ask you.”
“Oh!”
“Yes, sweetheart. I promise that it was you that I wanted to go with.”
“So it was… Wow…” You blinked, taking in this piece of information.
Remus smiled. “Is that still so hard to believe?”
“A little.” You stared down at your hands, gathered together in your lap, as you sat on Remus’ lap. I was so sure that it was Dorcas, and I was so sure that it was Tonks… But he’s always wanted me, too. Wow. You secretly smiled to yourself, as you were very, very happy with realizing this.
Remus, who had been trying to subtly kiss you this entire time, sighed and finally resorted to asking, “Seriously, can you please look up?”
“Hm?”
“I’m trying to give you a kiss and you won’t - ”
“Ah, sorry.” You quickly looked up, nearly headbutting Remus. He fell back, but then, when he saw you lift your head and look towards him, he slid his hand onto the back of your neck and pulled you in, at the same time that he leaned forward, and he caught your lips in a chaste, sweet kiss – the kind-of kiss he might’ve given to you back at Hogwarts, at the end of, say, a Yule Ball date.
You smiled brightly at him.
Remus rubbed your cheek gently with his thumb. “Any more questions?”
“Yes,” you replied. “Loads.”
Remus smiled. “Let’s have another one.”
You said that the memory that enables you to perform a Patronus Spell is the memory of you learning that you could attend Hogwarts. Is that because you were already a werewolf?”
“Yes.”
“And, well, this might be a sensitive question, but I’m always been curious - you can see thestrals. Why is that?”
“I was beside my grandmother’s bed when she passed away. I was holding her hand…”
“Oh.” Seeing Remus’ eyes glimmer slightly, you turned to much lighter questions. “Tea or chocolate?”
Remus chuckled softly. “Both, always both.”
“A kiss or a scratch behind the ears?”
Remus laughed in surprise. “A scratch behind the ears?”
“You know, for the wolf you,” you explained.
“Ah, right… He’s gone, isn’t he?” Remus murmured softly.
“It feels odd, doesn’t it?” you said knowingly. “At least for me, sometimes I still wait to hear the Nine-Tailed Fox inside my soul, and I forget that she isn’t there anymore…”
Remus nodded. “Yes, it is strange. Life feels so light now. As if I might float away.” He paused, before he confessed, “I think I’m scared to be so hopeful.”
“Me too.” You slipped your arms around Remus’ chest and hugged him tightly. You buried your face against his neck, too. “Let’s hold on tight,” you whispered.
Remus wrapped his arms around you, too, as he agreed, “Let’s.”
* * * * * * * * * *
“Oi.”
You and Remus hurriedly disentangled. You slipped off of his lap and scrambled your butt into another chair as Sirius walked into the kitchen. He tossed an envelope onto the table and nodded at you. “That’s for you.”
You picked up the envelope and opened it.
Remus noticed the way your eyes faded at once into sadness.
“What?” he asked. “What is it?”
“It’s an invitation to Tristan’s funeral,” you said quietly. “It’s in two weeks’ time, in America.”
“Will you go?”
“Of course,” you answered at once. Tristan… I can’t believe he’s really gone. Out of all of us, I would have put my money on him to survive the longest. He was so powerful, and he seemed so protective of himself. But he wasn’t. He was protective of everyone else.
Poor Cas and poor Susana. I wonder where they’ve gone, you thought. And poor Rowan. He was having quite a difficult time coping with Tristan’s death. And then I went and rejected him right after that. A painful lurch went off in your heart. God, I was so cruel to him.
You stared at the invitation in your hand. I wonder if Rowan will be at Tristan’s funeral. I can’t imagine him not being there. He may not want to see me at all, and I don’t want to do anything to take away from the fact that this is Tristan’s funeral. But if there was a quiet way to try to make amends, or at least to show him that I’m sorry…
You thought to yourself, Two weeks…
Sirius and Remus had been talking to each other, discussing a new report from Mad-Eye Moody that stated that there was an unusually high activity of Death Eaters at the Ministry, particularly near the Department of Mysteries.
You suddenly stood up.
Sirius and Remus both looked at you.
“Two weeks,” you announced resolutely.
“Er… what?” Remus said.
You looked at him. “I’ve got two weeks.” Then, you left the room.
Sirius shook his head. “I see she hasn’t changed on bit. As nonsensical as ever.”
“Pads,” Remus berated him softly.
Sirius gave him a knowing look.
Remus let out a chuckle as he admitted, “All right, I didn’t follow that either. But still, I reckon she’s right. Besides, I like her the way she is. She keeps things interesting. I think I enjoy that.”
Sirius rolled his eyes at him. “Shock me for once, will you? Don’t agree with her.”
Remus looked away from Sirius, resolutely disagreeing with him and taking your side.
Much amused, Sirius laughed. He reached over and ruffed Remus’ hair. “All right, I get it. No need to be so protective over her, Moony.”
* * * * * * * * * *
You worked furiously over the next two weeks, barely stopping. Remus wasn’t entirely sure what you were doing, but he didn’t want to break your concentration, so he quietly watched over you. Besides, he was quite busy himself during the day, as one of the leading Order members. The only thing that tore you away from your work in those two weeks was when you ran missions with Remus. You strongly preferred to fight by Remus’ side, and you felt a more profound sense of connection to the Order’s mission this time around. In fact, you were one of the Order members that helped Harry Potter to escape from Privet Drive and come to Grimmauld Place. However, you were otherwise quite preoccupied, scribbling pages and pages of information and memories out. And of course, every night, you slipped into bed beside Remus, who was also a night owl and usually reading the newspaper or a book when you joined him. When you came into bed, Remus would turn the lights off, and the two of you would snuggle together under the covers, quite close, and fall asleep together, pressing soft kisses over each other’s faces and shoulders and hugging each other until sleep came and took you away.
* * * * * * * * * *
Two weeks later.
You and Remus arrived at Tristan’s funeral. There was an entire congregation of people, coming to pay their respects. You thought you spotted Cas and Susana at one point, but when you tried to step through the crowd to confirm, they seemed to disappear.
There was one person, however, who stood out like a sore thumb even in such a large crowd. Try as he might to hide his head, Rowan Scamander, with his ginger hair and his height and huge stature, stood out.
It was a gloomy, overcast day, as if the world itself were mourning Tristan. The person leading the service, who was none other than Tina Scamander, began to speak. Everyone bowed their heads and listened as she spoke touchingly about Tristan. Soon, it began to rain and the crowd began to disperse.
You turned to Remus and said, “Remus, I think I’ll go and speak to Rowan.” You looked up at him, asking whether he was all right with this with your eyes.
Remus nodded. “All right, Lovely.”
You began to walk away, when Remus caught your hand and squeezed it. “Good luck,” he murmured softly.
You smiled gently at him and then walked away.
You weaved your way through the crowd, having to move quite quickly to catch up to Rowan. Finally, you reached out and, trying to tap his shoulder, you missed, and tapped his back instead.
Rowan turned around.
You stared up at him, with the rain steadily pelting your face. “Rowan.”
Rowan’s eyes tightened slightly, but all he said was, “Hello.”
“Could I maybe have a word?”
Rowan glanced over at his shoulder. You noticed someone was watching him – Magdalene.
“Or not,” you said hurriedly.
Rowan shook his head. “It’s fine. If it’s only a word.”
You nodded.
Rowan turned and led you under a nearby tree, away from the crowd.
“What is it?” Nodding at your hood, he guessed, “Is it your Fox again? Can’t you keep that spirit under control?”
“I could never keep her under control,” you said. “But I’m not here because I need your help in keeping the Fox at bay. Not this time.”
“Then, what?” As he spoke, Rowan refused to look directly at you. You recognized all of his mannerisms expressing hurt towards you.
“Rowan…” Your voice drifted for a moment. “I’m sorry about how selfish I was, how selfish I’ve already been. I should have refused your help, even if it killed me - ”
Rowan jerked his head, as if to shake his head at you, but then he stilled at once.
You tried to keep your voice calm as you said, “If you never forgive me, and if you never want to see me again after this… I’ll understand. I never meant to hurt you, but I know that I did, and if seeing me again will continue to hurt, I’ll stay away… I’ll stay away in the hopes that you’ll let me come back someday, as the friend I should have been for you.”
“Enough,” Rowan said suddenly. “I don’t… I’ve never wanted your apology.”
“Right.” You stopped at once. Instead, you pulled out a self-bound book from your cloak, with a charm dangling off of it. “I want you to have this.”
“What is it?” Rowan asked, not taking it immediately.
You pushed it towards him. “See for yourself.”
Rowan hesitantly took the book and opened it. He paused. Then, he began to rifle through it. As he did, he realized, “This is your journey with the Nine-Tailed Fox – all of your research and experiences. You wrote this.”
“Yes. I want you to have it.”
“For what?”
“Anything you like. You can publish it, if you want, as your research, or add it to research of your own, or burn it, if that’ll make you feel better.”
“But this is your life’s work. Why don’t you want to publish it?”
“Because without you, there is no Nine-Tailed Fox, Rowan,” you said quietly. “There are no memories for me to have, because I simply wouldn’t have survived.”
Rowan suddenly scowled at you. “This is ridiculous. That makes no sense. Yeah, I saved you once, but it was you that - ”
“No,” you said firmly. “Rowan, I swear – it was you.”
Rowan fell silent.
You put your hand over your chest, over your scar. And though he couldn’t see it, of course Rowan knew what you were referring to.
“I know that you feel that I used you, that I was never truly aware or grateful of how much you did for me,” you acknowledged. “And I think you’re right. But in other ways… Rowan, I don’t think you fully understand how much I care about you.” You fought hard to keep your voice from breaking. “I’m sorry I’m not what you wanted me to be. But you’re the last person in this world that I would want to hurt - ” You cut off.
Rowan, feeling extremely uncomfortable now, cleared his own throat. He awkwardly moved, as if to turn away, but then he heard the soft jingle as the charm moved against the book. He looked down at it. “Is this the charm I gave you? Back when we were at Hogwarts…”
You nodded.
Rowan glanced over at you. “Your hands are covered in ink. You had a real rush finishing this, huh? I can’t even read half of it, I bet, with how messy your writing is.”
You let out a choked laugh. “Yeah, sorry.”
Rowan sighed. “You really want me to accept it?”
“Yes.”
“Fine.”
“Thank you.”
Rowan looked questioningly at you. “What are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know,” you said honestly. “I’ve decided that I shouldn’t do any more adventures, but I don’t know where that leaves me.”
“No more adventures? Why not?”
“Because… Look at where it’s led me. Look at what it’s done.”
Rowan suddenly laughed scornfully at you. “That’s not the fault of adventure. That’s your fault.” He reached over and flicked you hard on the forehead.
“Ow!” you gasped. Then, you griped, “Rowan! The hell was that for?”
Rowan leaned down and looked directly at your face. He suddenly seemed like a young boy again, with his hands at his hips and a book tucked against his side as he peered into your face with his trademark freckles dotting his face, and a haughty smirk on his lips. “When will you learn, stupid, that there are other magical creatures?”
You blinked.
Rowan’s smirk widened. He straightened up and said, “I’ve got to go. Mag’s waiting for me. Anyhow, I really am going to publish this under my own name and take all the credit for it, so don’t blame me for it later.” With that, he walked away.
You watched him go, surprised at how quickly he’d changed his tone. Always giving me whiplash, that boy, you thought, scolding him in your head. But after a moment, you found yourself staring after him, vaguely admiring the soft halo hovering around his bright hair as the first rays of a sun after a rainstorm peered gently through the clouds above.
You took a deep breath and then you turned and walked towards Remus, who was patiently waiting for you.
As you approached him, Remus gave you his trademark look, where he cocked his head and smiled at you, conveying both that he rather liked you and that he wasn’t quite sure what you were doing.
You smiled back. “Hello, Remus.”
“Hello, Lovely.” Remus held his hand out to you. “Shall we head back to the inn?”
You nodded fervently. “Yes, please.” Stepping forward, you took his hand and when you felt Remus’ hand warmly wrap around yours, your heart gave a soft thump of happiness and slowly, you felt like yourself again.
* * * * * * * * * *
When the two of you returned to the inn you were staying at, Remus held the door open for you.
As you entered the room, you met Remus’ gaze. You passed through the doorway, but once you had stepped foot into the room, you turned around to face Remus and you waited for him.
Remus stepped in after you, closing the door behind him. As soon as he did, he reached for you - his hands found your waist and he fell into you.
You smiled and brought your arms up around his neck.
Remus hugged you tightly around your waist and he bent his head down to press his face against your shoulder and neck.
For a moment, the two of you simply stood there, holding each other. You felt Remus’ breath brushing against your neck and you felt his warmth, standing all tall and yet curled around you so lovingly, alongside the length of your body.
A thin sliver of golden, late evening sunlight crept in through the window and laid itself down gently in the quiet room. You closed your eyes and sank into Remus’ warmth. You couldn’t believe that you had lived so many years without him, without this, without a home to come back to.
Remus finally pulled away from you slightly, though he kept his arms around you. You turned your head a little to look up at him, as he would undoubtedly be gazing down at you. And he was - with his uncertain eyes, which betrayed how, in truth, Remus believed in nothing. He saw himself as the last man standing in a world not fit to live in. The heavens were so far above them that it was visible only as a single, lonely star hiding behind a much larger, furious, silver moon.
Slowly, the sunlight crept across the floor and up your body. Remus’ back blocked most of it, but the smallest sliver landed on your cheek.
Remus gently up and gently ran his fingers along that line of light on your cheek. A small smile graced your lips. You wanted to turn your head to kiss his hand, but you stayed still and let Remus touch your face.
You were rewarded for your patience. A moment later, Remus’ fingers slipped past your cheek and his hand cradled your cheek instead. He leaned down and swiftly pressed his lips against yours.
The thing was, you had never had trouble imagining the mythical world with its limitless possibilities and ferocious energy and paradoxical logic. But the thing that you couldn’t ever imagine, especially when you were younger and struggled to fit in at home and school, was the small, perfect, and effortlessly gentle space of being loved without expectation and without any condition of possession.
It was strange, even terrifying, for you to realize that this space came from another person - from one particular person and no one else. You didn’t understand it. All you knew was that the entire mythical realm could never give you what Remus did, merely by being here with you in this small, quiet, dark room - a place where you could be soft and vulnerable and still be safe and accepted.
“Remus,” you whispered.
Remus, still holding your face in his hand, kissed your lips softly once more before replying, “Yes, Lovely?”
“I think I’d like to go to bed.” As you spoke, you slid your arms around his middle and hugged him tightly. Leaning into him a little, you laid your head on his chest.
Remus ran his fingers through your hair. “Yes, that sounds like a good idea.”
You showered and brushed your teeth first. You got into bed, waiting for Remus to take his turn and then come join you. As you waited, a hundred thoughts and memories flashed through your mind. You had been so busy trying to complete the book, to give to Rowan, that it hadn’t been until you’d actually come to Tristan’s funeral that all of it hit you like never before – that you’d actually nearly died, and not just once, but twice. Unconsciously, you drew your knees to you and hugged them tightly. You stared out at the space in front of you, lost in your thoughts.
* * * * * * * * * *
When Remus came out of the bathroom, he stopped and looked at you for a moment before he came around and slid into his side of the bed. He reached over and gently touched the back of your head, letting his fingers tangle softly with your locks.
“Lovely?”
“Hm?”
“I don’t want to disturb you, but what’s got you in such deep thought? I feel like you haven’t been yourself these past couple of weeks. Is it because today was Tristan’s funeral or perhaps because you saw Rowan again?”
“Yes, both of those. But more than that, I think it’s because I’m here today.”
“What do you mean?”
You turned towards Remus. “You know that morning my mother came into our room?”
Remus nodded. He blushed slightly and muttered quickly, “We’ll have to fix her impression of me, somehow.”
“Do you remember the scar on my chest? You saw it that morning.”
Remus quickly became serious again. “Yes. I remember.” He hesitated before he confessed, “I’ve wanted to ask you about that, but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I know how scars can be… a difficult subject.”
“You’re so sweet, Remus,” you said. “And you’re right. I wanted to tell you too, but I was struggling a little. But I think, after today, I’m ready.”
Remus’ expression became slightly grimmer, as he realized that this was going to be a serious story. But he only nodded and waited patiently.
You reached out and took his hand in both of yours. Then, you slowly began to realize how the Nine-Tailed Fox was taking you over, how you had escaped to the mythical realm to slow that down, but how all along, there had been a succubus housed in the Nine-Tailed Fox, born of the Fox’s own starvation and loneliness, and how that succubus had very nearly ripped your heart out…
At this point, Remus was squeezing your hand so hard that it hurt. But you carried on, and you recounted how Rowan, somehow, had saved your life. Even in your unconsciousness, you had felt it – in brief flashes, you could sense someone trying to catch all the rags of your soul flying away – until they had gathered it all up, holding your soul tightly in their hands, only to put it back into your body to revive you.
Remus’ eyes were wide as you finished your story of how Rowan had saved you.
When you stopped speaking, Remus whispered, “That’s why you have that scar?”
You nodded. Then, slowly, you reached down and stripped your shirt away.
When Remus saw the scar again, his breath caught.
You shuddered slightly, both as the chill of the room and the anticipation of seeing the scar again washed over you.
You peeked down at the huge, gnarled scar sitting on your chest. And at once, a flash of vibrant red spattered over your vision, and you saw the succubus’ endlessly stretching mouth and you felt her claws digging into your flesh –
“Lovely. Lovely, look at me. You’re safe. You’re all right.” Remus was holding your face in both his hands and he was sitting up with you, trying to bring you back.
“Don’t worry, I’m okay,” you breathed out. “It’s only a – a flash.” You opened your eyes.
Remus’ worried face swam into view.
“I’m okay, Rem,” you repeated softly. “It’s just that… today, I can feel exactly what how lucky I am. And it feels like happiness, but it also feels like – like grief.” Your voice broke on the last word.
“Oh, Lovely,” Remus murmured.
You fell forward, into Remus’ arms. Remus caught you and hugged you, and he kissed the top of your head.
“I’m okay, Rem,” you whispered, blinking back the tears in your eyes. “Because of you, because of Rowan, because of Tristan, because of all of the people that helped me.”
“And thank Merlin,” Remus said fervently, keeping you in his arms and feeling your warm breath pass over his chest. “Because you’re my soul, too.”
You sat up a little, just enough to be able to kiss Remus’ neck.
After a moment, Remus whispered, “Can I see it?”
“My scar?”
“Yes. Is that all right?”
You sat back up, falling back onto your legs.
Remus’ eyes fell to your chest, to your scar. He slowly – very slowly – reached over and placed his finger on your skin, right next to your scar.
You stiffened slightly.
Remus glanced up at you, making sure you were okay. Then, he carefully traced around your scar.
At some point, and you weren’t sure when, you reached out, too, and you began to gently trace over his scars, two on his cheekbone, one on his cheek, and another two on his jaw…
When your hand fell on his chest, where there were so many scars that they crisscrossed and overlapped everywhere, you looked back up at Remus.
Remus smiled ruefully, but quite lovingly, at you. “Yeah, Lovely,” he whispered, “I reckon we’re all right.”
You finally smiled – a real smile – thanks to Remus.
#fanfic#fanfiction#harry potter imagine#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#marauders#marauders era#rowan scamander#rowan scamander x reader#foxtail and wolfsbane
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Foxtail & Wolfsbane 42
Summary: Your lifelong obsession to hunt down the Nine-Tailed Fox has not gone as expected, and seventeen years later, you find yourself coming back to the place where it all started: Hogwarts. However, with Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban and Headmaster Dumbledore’s hire of a certain Professor R. J. Lupin, you suddenly find yourself intertwined in the fates of those with whom you thought you had parted ways with long ago.
[Multi-Post Story] [Rowan Scamander x Reader] [Remus Lupin x Reader] [Young Sirius Black x Reader] [Tristan Graves x Reader] [Severus Snape x Reader] *Note: Rowan Scamander, Tristan Graves, Susana Holmes, Cas Carneirus, Henrietta Weiss, Thomas Picquery, and Magdalene Clarke are OC characters.
Note: Part 42 does not contain any smut.
*Please do not repost or copy my work without my permission. Thank You!
☾ Click Here for Foxtail & Wolfsbane Home Page (All Chapter Links) ☾
The moment you heard what Remus’ wish was, all of the pieces of the puzzle fell into place.
That’s why I didn’t die. My wish was for the Nine-Tailed Fox to grant Remus’ wish. I assumed that Remus would wish to no longer be a werewolf. Only, Remus wished to be with me. Those wishes are contradictory. Per the terms of the original bargain, I was supposed to die. But obviously, Remus’ wish entailed that I remain alive. The Nine-Tailed Fox’s magic must have gone back-and-forth between us until it caught Artemis’ wish, since Artemis was nestled between us – Artemis, who was chewing on my wand, and who was wishing with all of her heart to become a magical creature.
Seeing you frozen, Remus tried to explain himself. “I realize that it was foolish. Selfish, even. At the time, I didn’t even know that you weren’t with Rowan anymore. But, you see, when you asked me to make a wish, I didn’t realize that it was connected to the Nine-Tailed Fox’s power and that it might actually come true, so I simply let myself think of the silliest wish. You’re under no obligation to - ”
Remus abruptly cut off, as you suddenly reached over and grasped his hands. Squeezing his hands tightly, you whispered, in a shaky, disbelieving voice, “Me? You wished for me?”
“To be with you,” Remus corrected you gently. “However you wished that relationship to be.”
“Oh,” you murmured, in a barely audible voice. You stared at Remus with wide eyes, unable to comprehend everything that he was saying to you. Well, more accurately put, your mind understood what was going on. After all, you hadn’t been blind to how protective and attentive Remus had been to you over the past few weeks. But your heart – your heart wasn’t ready to let itself believe in such a long-sought-after, forever-far-away fairytale ending.
But there Remus was, standing before you and saying, “Don’t you remember? You always used to say to me that you could be anything I wanted you to be. Every time, I wanted to say it back to you, but I knew I couldn’t live up to that promise given my - my prior condition.” His voice had fallen into a raspy whisper and he was gazing at you with a complicated, almost haunted expression. “I’ve always wanted to… to cherish you.” Holding your hands back, he stepped closer to you. “You understand what I mean, don’t you?”
You blinked nervously. Do I know what he means? I think I do but… Have I gone mad? Is this all a dream? Maybe the magical doorway spat me out in an alternative universe. Anyhow, shouldn’t we be boarding a train? Or did we just get off of one? Godric, I can barely remember where we are. Why is Remus saying all this to me?
Seeing your anxious expression, Remus hastily clarified, “And I don’t mean that you always have to be pinned to my side. Of course not. Rather, I’m happy to watch you go off on all of your adventures – I like that about you, that you’re always chasing something. Only when – that is, only if you ever wanted a home to return to, you could perhaps find one in me…” Remus suddenly broke off, startled. “Lovely? Why are you crying?”
You broke away from Remus and hastily wiped your face. You hadn’t realized that you were crying.
Remus, realizing that you were trying to process everything that was going on, remained where he was, though he unconsciously leaned towards you and reached out an open hand to you, wanting to comfort you.
You kept staring at Remus with wide, tearful eyes, and your hands were on your face, catching and wiping away new tears. “Oh,” you whispered, in a hushed, fervent voice. “Oh.”
Remus abruptly realized how much pressure he had put on you. He had only meant to set the record straight. He hadn’t meant to give such a heartfelt confession, and he had most certainly never intended to pressure you into a confession.
Remus wanted to act cool, but he couldn’t bring himself to act casual in any way, not when it meant so damn much to him. Now that he had given his truth to you, he couldn’t deny that he wanted to hear your reply and he couldn’t help but hope that you might reciprocate. Too late, he realized that he had put himself in the most vulnerable position.
Feeling increasingly anxious, Remus began, “You know you don’t owe me anything. You’ve every right to turn me away, I’m only too aware of that. But I thought, maybe, we could start over because – because I’m not – not – some horrible creature anymore and I wouldn’t have to spend every waking moment trying to protect you from myself now - ” Just then, Remus saw you bite down hard on your lower lip, and your eyes became very sad.
Remus broke off and turned away from you. Swallowing hard, he nervously looked up at the sun and then quickly looked back down to prevent himself from being blinded by that golden orb, hanging questioningly in the sky.
Meanwhile, you were trying very, very hard to force your scattered brain to think of something appropriate to say. You clasped your hands together and looked all over the train station, as if the right words might be written on a signpost somewhere. Finding nothing, you looked back at Remus again, only to find that he was looking away from you.
You bit your lower lip nervously. Come on, come on, say something. Say something clever. Light-hearted. Accepting. Gracious. Heroic. Your eyes fell on the rip in Remus’ cloak. For a moment, you thought distractedly, Wow, that piece of fabric’s hung on for all of our travels. It was ripped even when we were back in the mythical realm… Oh, but who cares about that right now? What am I supposed to say? How do I respond to him?
Remus chose that moment to turn back and look at you.
Your mouth fell open. “Um… There’s a hole in your cloak.”
Remus’s face scrunched up into an entirely bemused expression. He let out a rough breath and furiously ran his hand through his hair. Then, he murmured, “C’mon. Let’s go home.”
* * * * * * * * * *
You didn’t sleep (or manage to unscramble your fried brain) one whit during the entire bus ride back to Grimmauld Place. In truth, both you and Remus wanted to Apparate straight back to Grimmauld Place, but neither of you wanted to suggest it, since it would acknowledge the intense tension suffocating you both.
More than anything, you wanted to reply to Remus and tell him that you reciprocated his feelings, heart for heart. However, there was some strange sadness unfurling in your heart and it was all meshed up with a thrumming, intense anxiety – and all of it felt overwhelming and it choked your voice.
At one stop, someone came onto the bus and creepily leered at you as he sat next to you. Frowning, Remus insisted that you switch seats with him. You protested silently but vehemently, indicating that you were fine. Remus shook his head at you. The man kept looking over at you, and it was making Remus’ palms go all itchy. Finally, Remus gently but firmly guided you over his lap to switch seats with you. “For me,” he whispered to you, as he pulled you across him.
When you felt Remus let go of you, your heart gave a jolt. Wait, no. Don’t let go of me.
You nearly reached for his hand, but you stopped yourself just in time. No, I’ve got to say something first.
You glanced sideways at him. I can’t say I love you, can I?
Hmm, no, you decided. That would be too much, right off the bat.
The voice in your head responded, But anything less than that is a lie.
True.
Nervously tapping your fingers against your thigh, you stole yet another glance at Remus. Should I perhaps just kiss him? That would make my feelings clear, wouldn’t it?
No, I can’t do that, you told yourself, quickly dismissing your terrible idea. It’s too sudden. I need something less than ‘I love you,’ not more.
You wondered for the thousandth time, What should I say? And how come I can’t bring myself to simply say yes?
You let out a long sigh.
“We’re almost home,” Remus said reassuringly, noticing your downcast expression.
Remus thinks I want to get off because of that strange man, you realized. He doesn’t realize that I’m sitting here, dying, because I can’t think of the right thing to say to him.
You shot Remus a morose look. It was only that when he confessed, he sounded like he wanted to start all over again, as if he regretted and wanted to erase our earlier time together. He still seems ashamed that he was a werewolf and it’s almost as if he’s only comfortable approaching me now because he’s no longer a werewolf – as if I couldn’t love him or shouldn’t love him when he was a werewolf. I can’t accept that assumption. I won’t have that. I’ve always loved him, and even if we were to ‘start over’ again, I think I need him to recognize that. Or else it might go all wrong again…
You nervously tugged at your shirt, twisting it in your hands, as you continued to gaze at Remus. I said I was happy to have met you, Remus. Don’t you realize what I was saying? I was telling you that I’ve always loved you, and that regardless of whether you’re a werewolf or not, and despite all of the hurt we put each other through, I loved you… I don’t want you to pretend like you only deserve love now that you’re no longer a werewolf. I have never thought that about you, and I hate that you think of yourself that way – and of me that way. You’re underestimating my feelings for you, yet again. It makes me feel… so lonely.
Remus caught your glum expression. Surprised, he blinked back at you. Have I done something wrong? Remus wondered nervously. I know Lovely said she was fine, and I’m sure she could handle it, but I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable next to the strange man.
The two of you gazed at each other like two lost puppies, unsure of what to do or say, and helpless except to wait for the bus to roll its way to the right stop.
Curses, you thought in your head. This is worse than when we were back in school. What’s become of my bravery, damn it? Why can’t I find the right words to say what I mean?
* * * * * * * * * *
Finally, you and Remus made it home to Grimmauld Place.
Remus entered Grimmauld Place first. When he turned around to reach over you and close the door behind you, you suddenly found yourself somewhat trapped between Remus and the door. You naturally looked up at him, only to find Remus gazing back down at you with soft, almost sad eyes. A big lump rose in your throat. Your hand fumbled over Remus’ wrist for a moment, and then you grabbed on the cuff of his cloak. Remus breathed in sharply – you froze – then, seeing your small hand clutching so tightly at his cloak, Remus slowly began to lean in towards you… You shut your eyes and waited. Your heart was beating faster than a hummingbird’s wings in your chest. Wanting to be patient, but entirely unable to help yourself, you began to push yourself up onto your tiptoes, wishing to meet Remus’ lips faster, when –
“Oi! Moony, is that you?”
Flustered, Remus pulled away from you, and you hastily let go of his cloak.
Suddenly, Sirius, Tonks, and Bill all came galloping down the hallway, with Tonks brandishing a letter in her hand. “Remus! You’ve got an angry librarian on your tail!”
As the three of them circled around Remus, Bill said sagely, “I know you’ve only just come back, but for your own good, I wouldn’t wait on this any longer.”
Sirius shot you a look to make sure that you were all right, but once he had confirmed that you were, he paid attention to Remus, who was bleating out confusedly, “What…?”
Feeling exhausted, despite the fact that your heart was still about to pound right out of your chest, you slipped away and went up to the spare bedroom that you’d occupied before. Pulling off your cloak, you let out a heavy sigh as you flopped over onto the bed.
* * * * * * * * * *
“How in Merlin’s name will I be able to pay this all back?” Remus said hoarsely, staring down at the fee amount typed out in the letter.
“Perhaps you can go and bargain with the library,” Bill suggested.
Remus sighed. “Sure, I suppose that’s the best course of action, at this point.” He made to stand up.
“Moony,” Sirius said, stopping him. “All of the books listed in this letter… Did you go get your fox girl?”
Remus stared at Sirius. Meanwhile, Tonks lifted her head and watched Remus carefully, hopefully.
“Did you?” Sirius prompted.
Remus tried to remain composed and to not indicate how tortured he felt, as he answered, “She hasn’t given a response yet.” He got up from the table. “I’ll be off. Wish me luck.” With that, Remus was gone, without having had a moment’s rest from his whirlwind adventure with you.
* * * * * * * * * *
Once Remus was gone, Bill turned to Sirius and asked, “When you said ‘fox,’ did you mean…?”
Sirius nodded. “Yeah, her.”
“Huh,” Bill said. “I wouldn’t have guessed. Lupin did a good job of hiding his feelings for her.”
“Really?” Tonks said, smiling a bit sadly. “I thought he was rather obvious about it.” She reached over and played with the salt shaker in her hand as she murmured, “I can’t believe she didn’t just say yes. I would’ve.”
Sirius sighed lowly. “They’re both complete idiots.”
“What d’you mean?”
“Well,” Sirius explained, “before, I always thought Remus was always the intelligent one among us. James came close, but he was so bloody hyper that he couldn’t stay still enough to pay attention to his own brain. But watching Remus and fox girl together… It’s like watching a dumb baby fox and a dim-witted baby wolf chasing each other’s tails.”
Bill shrugged. “Sounds cute.”
Sirius snorted. “It’s a mind numbingly stupid relationship. They could have had each other ages ago if one of them would just stay still.”
* * * * * * * * * *
You found that coming back to Grimmauld Place was both a blessing and a curse. You were able to lie on a bed and sit alone with your thoughts, which was a blessing. However, now that you were alone with your thoughts, you were intensely aware of the situation you were in and it made you so anxious that you thought you might shrivel up and die.
I’ve wanted this to happen for so long, and yet, now that it’s come to it, I’m scared to follow through with it. It’s so hard to explain, but it’s always more difficult than you expect when your dream becomes reality. Like when I finally found the Nine-Tailed Fox, it’s more than what I expected, and that’s wonderful, but it’s also completely terrifying.
You stared up at the ceiling, with your mind ringing. I wonder what Remus is thinking… Sirius and Tonks ran right up to him as soon as we came back, holding a piece of parchment… I wonder what that was about. I felt like I was simply in the way and I couldn’t bear just standing next to Remus, when I thought we were really going to… to kiss…
With a groan, you rolled over and put your pillow on top of your head. Ugh, I’ve got such a terrible headache. I need to rest. But I wonder what Remus is doing now. It seemed serious. I do hope he hasn’t been sent on an Order mission straight away. He really needs to rest, too.
As usual, your curiosity got the better of you. After only a few more minutes, you tossed your pillow to your side and made your way downstairs.
Sirius was standing in the hallway, all alone. It looked like he had just closed the door.
You called out, “Sirius?”
Sirius turned around. You saw that he was holding a piece of parchment in his hand.
When Sirius saw you, he said at once, “What’s the matter with you? Tormenting Remus like that, after all he’s done for you.”
You blinked, alarmed. “What? I haven’t tormented Remus. I would never.”
“Well, the problem is – you’re doing it anyways,” Sirius said matter-of-factly.
You came down the hallway, until you were standing before Sirius. “Sirius. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“About what?”
“That it was Remus who was the shapeshifter, not you.”
“Oh.” Sirius sighed. He ran his hand through his hair as he thought through his answer. “Well… It’s Remus, you know? He’s the kind-of person who’ll run away from something he wants if he doesn’t believe he deserves it. I’m sure you felt it – that whenever he had to face the fact that he was a werewolf, he distanced himself from you.”
“Yes,” you agreed. “Although, I didn’t know that was the reason, back then. I simply thought that he… well, that Remus didn’t like me as much as I liked him.”
Sirius shook his head. “If you had truly found out that Remus was a werewolf, back then, I don’t think anything could have stopped Remus from tearing himself away from you. He wouldn’t have even given you the chance to make up your mind about whether or not you were okay with it. He’d have decided for himself that you deserved better, and he would have up and left. I didn’t want that to happen. Remus is my best mate and all.” He shot you a soft smile. “If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’ve got a bit of a soft spot for him.”
You stared down at your hands for a moment. Then, you murmured quietly, “Me, too.”
“You say that, but I think you’re the one pushing Remus away this time,” Sirius said, a bit impatiently.
Your brow furrowed as you said, rather forcefully, “I am not. I would never. Not Remus.” However, a thought occurred to you and you abruptly asked, “Speaking of, where is Remus?”
Sirius stared at you impassively as he informed you, “He went off to go beg forgiveness.”
“Forgiveness? For what?”
“For defacing books.”
“Huh?”
Sirius handed you the piece of parchment. You read it. “To a certain wayward Remus J. Lupin: It has come to our attention that you defaced the following books by ripping pages out of them. Unfortunately, these books have now been deemed ‘damaged’ and you are responsible for paying the following amount to replace the value of these books: two hundred and sixty Galleons. This calculated fee is for the replacement of Mysteries of the Lost Forests; Maps of the Ancient World Volumes I, I, and II; The Secret Geography of Japan; Magical Doorways and Cupboards: How Not to Lose Your Head by Accidental Head-Sticking-into-Dangerous-Holes…
Sirius watched your expression as you realized what this letter was about. Finally, he said, in a quiet voice, “Listen, I know that Remus isn’t the best at stepping up for himself, but he went after you, right? I’d say he’s done as much as his fragile heart allows him to. Couldn’t you take the rest and meet him halfway?”
Remus came after me… That’s right. And could I – could I meet him halfway? You let out a hard breath. Then, gripping the letter in your hand, you ran out.
* * * * * * * * * *
Remus was desperately trying to make his case before the extremely angry librarian. “Please,” he wheedled, “I’ll make the payments. I simply need more time - ”
Unaccepting of his pleas, the librarian shot back, “You have had two months, young man - ”
“I’ll pay!” You came running into the Muggle library, holding a small object high in the air. You slammed it down before the librarian. “I’ll pay.”
The librarian stared at the object. She lifted it up and looked at you suspiciously. Keeping her voice very low, she whispered, “This is a Muggle credit card.”
“I know,” you said. “But it’s all I’ve got for now. Could you swipe it, please? Erase his fees…”
“Fine,” the librarian snapped. She swiped the card and then handed it back to you. “If it’s theft - ”
“It’s not,” you assured her. “I come from a Muggle family.”
The librarian harrumphed at you, but let you and Remus go.
As the two of you left the library, Remus asked you, “How did you know -?”
“Sirius.”
“Ah…”
“I didn’t realize that all of those pages you lost in the mythical realm came from regular library books,” you said, laughing a little. “We should have collected them before we came back.”
Remus gave you a sheepish look. “It wouldn’t have mattered, since I tore the pages out of all the books. What I really should have done is paid more attention to everything you told me when we were back at school. Then, I wouldn’t have had to go defacing all these books.”
“Mm,” you agreed.
Your eyes met with Remus’. “But you were plenty attentive to me in school.”
Remus paused. “Was I?”
“I think so.” You carefully reached over and ran the tip of your index finger very lightly along the rip in the shoulder of his cloak. Remus jolted a little when he felt your touch, but he pretended not to react. “Remus…”
“Y-Yes?”
“You still haven’t mended your cloak.”
Remus replied, slightly hoarsely, “Well, no… I haven’t had time, you see. As soon as I got back, I was threatened by that librarian back there.”
“She was very angry,” you agreed, speaking very quietly.
“Very.”
“Very much so…”
You both leaned in towards one another…
Just then, a scarlet letter zoomed between your faces. Startled, you both leapt back.
The letter turned and began to speak: “Er – Arthur Weasley here, your mother wanted to pass on a message…” A deafening screech interrupted Arthur and rang out, “HOW DARE YOU EXPENSE MY CREDIT CARD WITHOUT WARNING? AND WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO TO WARRANT SUCH A HIGH EXPENSE? YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! DAUGHTER OR NOT, YOU’RE A THIEF AND - !”
At that moment, the librarian rushed out of the library doors. She ran towards you, shouting, “I knew it! Come back here!”
“Shall we go?” Remus said hastily, already grabbing your hand.
“Yes. Only, what is this?” You pulled your hand back in surprise. “Er – Remus, why have you got lemon drops?”
“Gift from Dumbledore.”
“What? From Dumble - ?”
“WHY ARE YOU GOING AROUND DEFACING BOOKS?”
“I KNEW YOU WERE A THIEF! I SHALL REPORT YOU TO THE MINISTRY AND - !”
“Let’s discuss this later, shall we?”
“Right,” you agreed.
The two of you quickly held hands again and turned – CRACK!, Apparating back to Grimmauld Place.
* * * * * * * * * *
You and Remus stumbled into Grimmauld Place together.
“Merlin,” you choked out, grabbing at the wall, “that was quite – quite a fiasco.”
Remus agreed, nodding haggardly at you.
You frowned at him. “Remus? You don’t look so well…”
In fact, Remus looked pale and sickly. You lifted your hand and touched his forehead.
You gasped. “You’re running a fever!”
“I’m fine,” Remus murmured, shaking his head until your hand fell off of his forehead.
“You’re not fine,” you argued back. You pressed your hand against his cheek again. “Your temperature is ridiculously high. We’ve got to get you to bed.”
“No,” Remus protested. He grabbed your hand. “Not until…”
“Don’t be foolish,” you snapped. Sliding your arm under his arm, you pulled Remus forward. “You need to get to bed. I’ll bring you a Cool-Down Potion, all right?”
Remus blinked tiredly as he let you guide him down the hallway. “But… I haven’t heard…”
You pulled Remus up the stairs and into his room. The stairs had taken quite a lot out of Remus and he fell over into his bed at once.
“It’s because you haven’t rested at all,” you realized, as you hurriedly tucked Remus under the covers. “You didn’t sleep on the train or the bus and then you immediately raced out to the library.”
You made Remus drink the Potion and water.
Then, as Remus laid back in bed, you berated him gently, “Why are you so terrible at taking care of yourself?”
“…Was… werewolf,” Remus sighed out, with his eyes closed.
You shook your head. “It’s not just that. You never put yourself first, even when you ought to...” You reached out and gently brushed back the curl from his forehead. You smiled, though a bit sadly at him. You wrung out a damp towel and laid it on his forehead with utmost care.
Remus’ breathing slowed a little. In fact, he seemed to breathe a lot easier as the stress of everything bled away from his body.
Be well, my love, you thought. You put too much stress on yourself for everything.
As you watched Remus sleep, you found yourself musing, At times like this, I wish I still had the Nine-Tailed Fox within my soul. She could heal you… You reached into your pocket and brought out your good luck charm – the foxtail key chain. You laid it on the bedside table besides Remus’ bed. For good luck.
An hour later, you brought over another damp towel to replace the one on his forehead. As you tiredly brushed back his stubborn curl of hair, you smiled a little, for you realized that, in a way, you’d really missed taking care of Remus.
* * * * * * * * * *
Remus’ fever broke around four that morning. With a sigh of relief, you tiredly made your way down to the kitchen to grab a drink of water and a bite to eat for yourself. As you drank your water, however, your eyes fell onto a pear and an orange, sitting in a fruit bowl on the counter.
Little things, you thought. How homely. Without thinking about it, you reached over for them…
* * * * * * * * * *
When Remus woke, he found Sirius dozing about at his side.
“Pads?” Remus croaked out.
Sirius mumbled, “Go away” and buried his head more firmly against Remus’ sheets.
Remus reached out and poked Sirius in the shoulder. “Pads, I’m fine now.”
“You’re fine?” Sirius said sleepily.
“Yes.”
“Then move over.” Sirius reached out and pushed Remus off his own bed.
“Sirius!” Remus yelped, as he slid off the bed and onto the floor.
Sirius yawned. Curling up on the edge of the bed, he closed his eyes and fell back asleep.
Grumbling, Remus got up and decided to take a shower. Thankfully, he truly did feel fine. He figured that his fever yesterday had been more a result of exhaustion than anything else.
As Remus walked over to the dresser to grab a clean set of clothes, his eyes fell onto the small keychain on top of his bedside table. He came closer and picked it up. Instantly, he knew what it was.
Lovely… He held it tightly in his hand for a moment. I’m still waiting for your response.
* * * * * * * * * *
To Remus’ dismay, he didn’t see you for the entire day. No one seemed to know where you had gone. Remus tried to act normal – to talk to Sirius, Bill, and Tonks; to eat the huge helping of soup that Molly made him; and to apologize to Moody for taking off on the Order without any notice.
In truth, Remus was getting increasingly nervous. What if Lovely left? What if a new myth sprung up out of nowhere and called to her? Or what if I put too much pressure on her?
By nightfall, Remus was feeling miserable. He curled up on his bed (with new, clean sheets, courtesy of Molly) and stared out at the hauntingly bright full moon.
I’m fully human now, but sometimes, when it’s the full moon, I still feel a strange growling in my chest. I suppose this is what some people mean by ‘phantom limb.’
But today, I know what the growling’s about. It’s a hunger and an impatience and a worry – for Lovely.
Just then, someone knocked on his bedroom door. Knock, knock.
Remus got off of the bed and tiredly shuffled over to the door. He didn’t even bother to push up the too-long sleeves of his jumper as he reached out and grasped the doorknob and turned it. he opened the door –
“Um, sorry to bother you,” you said softly.
Remus breathed out. “No, not at all.” He paused, before he murmured, in a soft rush, “I’m glad to see you. When I didn’t see you all day, I wondered if maybe you’d left…”
“No, I didn’t leave. I merely went out for a little while. I mean, I didn’t mean to stay out quite this late. I simply lost track of time.”
“Yes, you do that sometimes.”
“Do I?”
“Yes, often.”
“Oh…”
You both fell silent for a moment. Remus looked at you curiously. You were wearing an oversized, frumpy cardigan and your hair was a soft mess. Perhaps you had pinned it up in the morning, but it was now falling lopsided down the side of your head. Your socks were mismatched and one of your shoelaces was untied. You had dark circles under your eyes and you were looking a bit peaky.
You flushed slightly, thinking that Remus was trying to figure out what you wanted so that he could send you on your way. “I’m sorry,” you apologized. “I realize it’s three in the morning, but I’ve only now returned. ”
“Is it three?” Remus mused. “I didn’t know.”
“Right, you must have been sleeping. Sorry.”
“No, I was… thinking.”
“Well, may I come in?” you asked. “Or would I be bothering you?”
Remus opened his door further, so that you could walk in.
As you came in, Remus realized, “Wait. You only just returned? What were you out doing?”
Meanwhile, you sat on the floor. Remus realized then that you had been carrying a rather hefty bag on your shoulder. You dropped it down onto the floor and it made a rather clunky thunk! sound, as you answered brightly, “Shopping.”
Sitting next to you, Remus asked, “What did you buy?”
You reached into your bag and pulled out a small box, which you handed to Remus. “Here.”
Remus looked down at it. “A sewing kit?”
“To patch up the hole in your cloak,” you reminded him.
“Ah, yes. Thank you.” Remus began to get up, to put the sewing kit on the bedside table, next to your foxtail key chain when suddenly, you put a mug into his lap.
“Take this too,” you said earnestly.
Confused, Remus looked back down. “Oh…”
You placed an Earl Grey tea bag carefully on top of the mug. “And this.”
“Thanks,” Remus said. “I’ll save this for the morn - ”
You reached back into your bag and pulled out an orange before placing it in Remus’ lap, too. “Also this.”
“Er, thank you - ”
“Hold it, wait. Yes, here we are. Have these, Remus.” Out came a pear, followed by three chocolate bars.
“Thanks very much.”
“And… Oh, where’d that thing go?” You put your hand back into your bag and rummaged around, only to fish out a spool of knitting yarn.
Seeing that there was no space on Remus’ lap, you put the yarn on the floor, next to his knee.
“Thank – Um, what is all of this?” Remus finally asked, bewildered.
“One second, Rem.” Instead of answering Remus, you were busy tugging out a jazz record from the depths of what Remus now realized was a very big bag. You pushed the record towards Remus, accidentally pushing the yarn up onto his lap, on top of the fruit.
Remus thought you were done, when you revealed that you had also brought an Astronomy book and a blue, glittering tapestry-like blanket, featuring different stars and constellations.
“It’s not exactly the same as before, but I thought it would suffice.” You pushed the heavy book and blanket towards Remus, and the jazz record now piled into his lap and dug slightly into his stomach.
Having had enough, Remus finally grabbed your hands to stop your seeming bout of madness. “Lovely, what are you doing? Suffice for what?”
You stopped. Oh… He hasn’t realized yet.
Remus realized that your hands were trembling – very slightly, but definitely trembling.
Suddenly worried, Remus whispered, “Lovely?”
You lifted your head. The moonlight illuminated your face and Remus could see soft tears in your eyes, threatening to spill over.
“Is this why you’ve been gone all day?” Remus asked you. “Were you gathering all of these things?”
You slowly nodded.
Remus was still holding onto your wrists. You slid your hands down into his and then started to slip your fingers between his. Realizing what you wanted, Remus quickly opened his hands a little, so that you could hold his hands.
“But why?” Remus wondered, and he spoke in the gentlest voice possible. “Is something wrong?” His breath caught. “Do you mean to leave again, and that’s why you’ve brought me all of these things – to say goodbye with?”
Squeezing his hands tightly, you whispered, “No, I’m not planning on leaving.”
Remus let out a hard breath.
You were a bit surprised by how hard your words seem to hit Remus. You’d never thought about leaving Remus, honestly. “Remus?” you said, concerned. “Were you worried that I had left?”
“I know it’s not logical,” Remus replied quickly. “And I know, too, that I’ve practiced saying goodbye to you a thousand times over.”
“But I can’t help it,” Remus continued. He squeezed your hands back as he spoke. “No matter how many times we say good-bye, no matter how distant you and I are supposed to be, no matter how many other people are around me… If I have to go through the world, without any link to you, I can survive, yes, but I feel lonely. I feel so lonely.”
“Oh, Remus…” you whispered feelingly.
“Sorry, I’m being too much,” he apologized, unable to meet your eyes.
“No, you’re not. I know,” you assured him.
Remus cautiously lifted his head. “You do?”
“Yes.” As you spoke, your answer was so honest that you felt your heart ache, and you suddenly felt like crying.
Remus gazed into your eyes. “You’re about to cry… Why, Lovely? I didn’t mean to hurt you again.”
You shook your head. “It’s only that I know that loneliness so well.”
Remus’ eyes dimmed. “I’m sorry,” he said, recognizing, even without you telling him, that he was the one who gave you that loneliness, the same way you gave him his.
“But you said I’m allowed to find a home in you, between my adventures…” Your voice lilted slightly, uncertainly, as you checked, “Right?”
Remus replied confidently, “Yes, I can offer that to you now. It’s finally a promise that I can keep.”
“Because you’re no longer a werewolf?” you whispered.
When Remus nodded, you sighed. “Remus… If that’s what you truly think, that makes me feel lonely, too.”
Remus’ expression became one of complete confusion. “What? Why?”
Bringing one of his hands up to your lips, you brushed your lips against the back of Remus’ hand as you murmured, “Because the truth is that I already found one in you all those years ago, when you and I shared that small attic space. I don’t think you realized it, but when you started to bring your things up to that space, one by one, I felt so happy. At the same time that you were making what was once my space ours, I was… I was finding a home in you…” You shivered suddenly. “I tried not to let you know how much it all meant to me because I was afraid you might run away from me.”
Remus’ eyes softened, but they also saddened, as he whispered, “I wouldn’t have run away from you because of you, Lovely. I would have run away from you – I did run away from you – to spare you from me.”
“That,” you whispered fervently. “That is the point that we have to talk about before we – before we fall in love all over again.”
Remus shook his head, not comprehending you.
“Don’t you see?” you urged. “It’s not as simple as saying we’ll be together. We’ve been together, Remus. Because all that time, I was finding my home in you.”
Remus held his breath as he watched you gently nuzzle the back of his hand and he heard you confess, “I don’t want to merely ‘start over.’ I want a full life with you, including all of the things that came before today. Yes, we hurt each other. Yes, we were immature. Yes, we didn’t believe in ourselves the way we should have to be truly good partners. But I loved you, Remus. You have always been my home, including the werewolf part of you that I didn’t even know I was in love with, but I was. That’s why I can’t simply say, ‘yes, I’ll date you’ and have you mistakenly think that we can be together now because you’re no longer a werewolf. I can’t have you believing anything even close to that. Because then, the next time you see your wolf, you’ll hate him even more. And I – You’ve every right to feel the way you want to towards yourself, but Remus, when you hate your wolf self, it hurts me. So – So, I want to be with you, I do, more than anything. But I have to – I have to do it right. I have to make you understand that I don’t want to ‘start over’ if starting over means ignoring our past.”
Remus suddenly covered his face with his hands. “But Lovely,” he whispered, in a muffled voice, “I’m ashamed of my past. When I think about how I treated you…”
You grasped his wrists and gently pulled his hands away from is face. “Remus,” you whispered. You gestured lightly at all of the objects piled around Remus. “I’ve brought you things from our past because… I’d like to… See, what I’m doing is…”
“What?” Remus whispered, and his whispers mingled with yours, like clouds of mist curling around each other.
You finally finished, in a voice bleeding all over with vulnerability and with care. “I’m asking you to let me come back home…”
Remus grew still, as the weight of your words, the weight of your love, hit him.
At the same time, you slowly began to shiver. You’d finally made your move, and you hoped you’d done it right, and you also hoped that now, Remus might… he might… You started to lean towards Remus, wanting him so terribly that it was a genuine ache in your heart and your tummy, but then you shifted back, not wanting to rush him in any way. Soon, you were oscillating back and forth, shifting before him.
As for Remus, perhaps it was his wolfish self responding to the full moon, but he was very aware of your shivering and his stillness meeting. In fact, the very air around him seemed to hum with a strange, secret energy as your voice and your words and your very being melded into Remus’ shape and shadow. It was as if the moon had long since harbored this secret desire to bring her two, lost children together.
Suddenly, to Remus, you seemed to be both the closest and furthest thing to him. At long last, the two of you had finally fumbled together, to this time and space, and the air was laced with the dizzying revelation of a long-held, precious secret.
Remus’ hazel eyes had never been so bright as in that moment. “Home?” he whispered.
The tears in your eyes threatened to spill as you nodded back and said, “To you…” Your voice became quite soft and blurry, too, matching the silvery, moonlit tears in your eyes, as you finished, “…Please.”
At your last word, foxtail ferns, born of ice, suddenly sprouted all across the window behind you and Remus, encasing you both in a cracked, temporary, and imperfect world – and yet this difficult world was heavenly tender in its very fragility. That, you realized, was what it meant to make a home of someone else’s soul. It meant to give love where love had never existed before and to slowly mend the walls of the old, forgotten rooms of fairytale and secrets.
You shifted forward. You gazed at Remus, at his soft, tired eyes that seemed especially luminous today (perhaps it was the remnants of his werewolf self awakening to the bright full moon in the sky), that ever-stubborn curl on his forehead, or the many scars crisscrossing his cheeks and jaw. For a moment, your heart ached because Remus wore the signs of his life on his body and being in a way that few people could and at the same time that you loved him for it, you also wanted to heal him and shield him from any more hurts that might befall him.
I suppose love was never happiness for me, you thought hazily, as you let yourself fall in love with Remus all over again as you sat besides him and looked at him. I never sought happiness and safety, the way many people do. Those things are too worldly, too narrow of concepts. I’m drawn instead to sadness, which, much like myth, is a wide, blue world where any thought might become truth, so long as there is a will behind it. I’m drawn to soft hurts and unexplainable scars and devilish moonlight and complicated secrets and imperfect love… I’m drawn to journeys where we can strive for, but never achieve, those things we want most, in our heart or hearts… Remus Lupin, whether werewolf or human, you’re like me, for you are also a child of myth. Of course we can never love each other perfectly, for our souls are obscured with fog and moonlight, but that’s all right. Love is half-forgotten kisses at twilight, anyways, and forging dark secrets in each other’s souls at the bottom of the sea, while the rest of the world moves on overhead.
Remus blinked nervously as you came closer and closer to him. “I brought all my stuff with me,” you whispered to him. “And I won’t move too much stuff around in your soul. I’ll be careful making my home in your soul. I know I can be a bit spontaneous and I’m not the most responsible person, but I promise I’ll be good. I can practice being nice.” You closed your eyes and you leaned into him, meaning very much to kiss him, if he’d have you. But you were slightly too short to reach his lips, since everything in Remus’ lap was creating distance between the two of you. Your brow furrowed as you searched for Remus for a second – Then, Remus pushed everything off of his lap, reached out and grasped you by your waist, and pulled you right into his lap – and he kissed you, softly but lovingly and desperately matching his soft, shivering lips to your searching ones.
You breathed out a slow, aching gasp. Remus… Your mind blanked for a moment, as the love in your heart swelled so hard it hurt. At the same time, it was dizzyingly strange how familiar and natural it felt to have Remus kiss you. As soon as his lips touched yours, you couldn’t understand why in the world you’d spent any part of your life distant from him. And yet, how many long years have passed since we were together like this? Entire lifetimes, it seems… You let out another long, trembling breath, trying to hold back from kissing Remus all over, despite the clear truth that every atom in your body wanted nothing more than to do just that.
In a husky, low voice, Remus murmured, with his lips still pressed against yours, “There’s nothing to be careful about, Lovely. Everything in my soul is meant to hold your heart.” Then, he leaned his head down and pressed his lips to your chest, just over your heart.
You grabbed onto his shoulders and you shuddered all over, shivering away in his lap, as you felt his lips claim you. You’d been aching for him for so long, but he was here now, with you, loving you. You closed your eyes tightly – a tear streaked down your cheek – and you let out a soft, arching moan that mirrored the deep ache that you felt in your heart.
“Don’t cry,” Remus whispered, as he kissed his way up your neck and then catch your fallen tear on your cheek with his lips. “Maybe I can’t give you happiness, but you shouldn’t cry like this.”
You breathed out rather harshly and you opened your eyes just enough to see Remus hugging you tightly around your middle, and then kissing your tear away. Pulling you tighter into his lap, Remus kissed his way up the trail, until you had to shut your left eye as Remus kissed that, too.
“Rem…” you whispered fervently. You slid your arms around his shoulders and hid your face away against his neck. Then, a bit childishly, you said, “Haven’t you caught on by now? I’m crying out of happiness, you idiot.”
Remus laughed softly. “And the truth comes out. You think I’m an idiot, huh?” He soothingly ran his hands over your back for a moment, before he reached down and lifted your face again to kiss you again, for he felt he absolutely had to kiss you again.
You managed to part your lips just a little – and Remus caught your lips perfectly with his, and you both melted into that soft, wanting kiss. “Mmm, yes,” you breathed out softly.
“Yes to the kiss or yes to my being an idiot?” Remus wondered, as he let his lips graze your cheeks for a moment.
“Both,” you whispered back. “Always bo – mmm.” You let your head fall back a little as Remus kissed you more deeply. You squeezed your thighs against his hips and Remus squeezed you back, with his arms wrapped all around your shoulders and waist, and you both smiled tiredly into your kiss.
“See?” you whispered teasingly. “Aren’t I being nice?”
Remus smiled. “Yes, very well-mannered. But there’s no need to hold back for my sake, Lovely.”
“You gave me permission now, mind,” you pointed out.
Remus nodded. Then, he wondered, “Well, but what are you planning on doing with me?”
“You’ll see,” you whispered. Ducking your head down, you gently bit at his shoulder, making Remus breathe out a bit harshly, before you came back to claim another kiss from him. You slid your hands into his soft hair, pushing back his curl for one second, and then pulling him tighter to you, to kiss him more passionately. Tangling your fingers in his locks, you tugged rather hard at his hair for a moment as you kissed him with all of your might.
Remus breathed out again in surprise, but he responded in equal fervor, and he slowly began to run his hands all over you.
His hands, you thought fondly, as you melted quite willingly into his grasp. I always remembered how much I loved his hands, but goodness, I think I’ve forgotten quite how wonderful it feels when he touches me.
Remus ran his hands all over your thighs and hips and briefly grasped at your neck, too, but when he accidentally felt his fingers slip under your shirt, he stuttered to a stop.
“Don’t,” you blurted out at once. “Don’t stop, Remus.”
Remus hesitated.
“Please,” you breathed out.
Watching you with careful eyes, Remus slowly pushed his hands in under your shirt.
O-Oh… You trembled in his lap, feeling overwhelmed with how much you loved being touched by him. You gripped Remus’ hair harder and you showered his face and neck with kisses.
“Lovely,” Remus breathed out.
“Hm?”
“Why you’re trembling so much?”
You looked up at Remus wit a flushed face as you confessed, rather breathily, “Because, you’ve made me wait far too long for this. And it all feels like too much when it’s you touching me.”
“Is that so?” Remus wondered.
You closed your eyes and nodded. “Mhm…”
Remus asked quietly, “It’s not because you’re disgusted by me?”
You reached up with one hand and pressed your fingers against Remus’ lips. “Shush,” you scolded him. “No lies today, please.”
“Hm…” Remus wrapped his arms around your waist again and he nuzzled your forehead with his nose. “All right, then.” He placed a kiss on your forehead as he whispered, “Then I ought to confess… that I’ve missed you, Lovely.”
It seemed like a simple sentiment, “I miss you,” but it was capable of holding so much warmth and feeling and in that moment – it did.
You pressed a kiss back on his jaw as you whispered back, “Missed you too, Rem.”
Then, lifting your head, you stroked his face tenderly as you murmured, “Can you ask me, Remus?”
“Ask you what?”
“To come home.”
Remus’ heart thumped at your request. He sat up and looked at you. Hesitantly, he reached over and gently brushed your hair out of the way. He cupped your face in his hand as he whispered warmly, “Won’t you come home to me? It’s not much. It’s a rather run-down home, but…”
Remus fell silent as you had already snuggled up against him, pushing your hands up against his chest and fitting perfectly against him while still sitting in his lap. You were quietly crying, and you had your face tight pressed against his shoulder. But all the while, you were kissing his shoulder over and over again and you were clutching onto him with all you had.
Remus closed his eyes and kept pressing soft kisses all over your forehead and the top of your head, as he held you and rocked you a little, finding warmth and comfort in being able to hold you like this.
A moment later, he murmured, “You’re still crying… Tell me why, Lovely.”
You wrapped your arms around him and let out a long, slow breath before you confessed, “Because I finally feel safe.”
Remus kissed you a little longer on your forehead.
“What about you, Rem?” you wondered. “Do you feel safe with me, too?”
“Yes,” he replied. “But not just in this moment… What I mean is, everything about me feels safe with you. You’re my home, too, you know.”
You smiled. That was all I ever wanted to hear, you thought. That he trusted me. That he loved me back. That I could be his equal in giving love and care.
Sliding back into his lap, you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned in and kissed him deeply again. It was a slow kiss, but deep and lingering…
You both fell into a soft, misty daze of fervent kisses and happiness so strong it felt like sadness, as you both realized how much you had missed each other and how wonderful it felt to finally be able to breathe again. It felt like a cloud was coming to take you away. It wrapped itself around the two of you, smothering you in a thick, tender feeling of nostalgia and future, all mixed together.
Meanwhile, a soft, quiet rain began to fall outside, hiding your precious love away from the rest of the world, and drawing the two of you into a world where you were completely apart from the rest of the world, and therefore wholly and entirely together.
#fanfic#fanfiction#marauders#marauders era#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin#harry potter imagine#foxtail and wolfsbane
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Foxtail & Wolfsbane 40
Summary: Your lifelong obsession to hunt down the Nine-Tailed Fox has not gone as expected, and seventeen years later, you find yourself coming back to the place where it all started: Hogwarts. However, with Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban and Headmaster Dumbledore’s hire of a certain Professor R. J. Lupin, you suddenly find yourself intertwined in the fates of those with whom you thought you had parted ways with long ago.
[Multi-Post Story] [Rowan Scamander x Reader] [Remus Lupin x Reader] [Young Sirius Black x Reader] [Tristan Graves x Reader] [Severus Snape x Reader] *Note: Rowan Scamander, Tristan Graves, Susana Holmes, Cas Carneirus, Henrietta Weiss, Thomas Picquery, and Magdalene Clarke are OC characters.
Note: Part 40 does not contain any smut.
*Please do not repost or copy my work without my permission. Thank You!
☾ Click Here for Foxtail & Wolfsbane Home Page (All Chapter Links) ☾
Remus stood at the top of the hill, watching you. At long last, he had done what he’d always wanted to do, but never let himself – come after you.
As per usual, Remus was having the time of his life overthinking everything. What if this was overkill? What if it wasn’t my place to come after her like this? What did I mean by coming here, anyways? I mean, I know what I meant by coming after her. But what if she doesn’t wish for me to come after her like this?
Shut up, you, a rather wolfish voice snarled at Remus’ overthinking brain. Only she can tell you what she wants from you. Go to her. Go to her now.
Gathering his resolve, Remus finally made to step forward, to come down the hill towards you. It all would have made for a very romantic and heroic moment – except Remus had made the same mistake that you had of standing in one spot for too long. He tripped in the soft snow and lurched forward dramatically. Parchment sprayed into the air as Remus lost all sense of control over his own body and ended up tumbling magnificently down the snowy hill, in exactly the same path as you.
“Remus!” you cried out, suddenly breaking out of your nervous thoughts. For in that moment, seeing Remus rolling pathetically down the hill, you became quite certain that this was real life and that that was truly Remus. As Remus let out a loud “Oof!”, you recognized, yes, right, definitely not a hallucination rolling down the snow like that!
You ran up the snowy hill, but you couldn’t make it very far. Thankfully, since Remus followed the same line down the hill that you had, he rolled right to you. You caught him at the bottom of the hill. You hurriedly turned him over (you’d smushed him face-down into the snow a bit as you’d caught him) to check if he was all right. “Merlin, Remus! Are you okay?”
Remus blinked up at you. You saw his eyes wander up to the sky and he blinked even harder, shutting his eyes tightly before opening them. His mouth dropped open as he stared hazily up.
You urgently grabbed the front of his shirt. “Remus! Answer me – are you all right?”
“Er – to tell you the truth, I’m not quite sure,” Remus replied. “I’m – I’m somehow seeing four skies.”
“Oh.” You breathed out. “You’re fine.”
“I am?”
“Yes. Now sit up.” You helped Remus up. You brushed the snow from his face. You tucked his stray curl back up to join the rest of his hair (though it flopped right back out anyways). “Remus,” you said, still in disbelief, “what in the world are you doing here?”
Remus’ eyes flickered up to yours. He answered, in a steady, decided voice, “I came after you.”
“How did you know where to find me?” you asked. “I mean, how did you find this place?”
“You,” Remus replied.
“Huh?”
“Back at Hogwarts, you told me stories about an ancient forest and how it was renamed in modern times as a Japanese forest.”
“I told you about that?”
Remus nodded. “I remember because you were very excited the day you made the connection. You made me look at all of your maps and you nearly swallowed your quill whole.”
You stared at Remus, awed by how much he recalled.
Just then, Remus clarified, “Unfortunately, that was about all I could remember. I had to go to the library to do some research. See…” He began to rummage about in his pockets. Only, they were all empty.
You nodded at the stray pieces of parchment rolling merrily along the hills, going in every which way. “Was that your research?”
“Oh,” was all Remus said.
You laughed softly. “If it makes you feel any better, I tripped down exactly the same way you did.”
“I gathered that,” Remus replied. His eyes lingered on your face as he murmured, “You have snowflakes on your cheeks…” He reached out and hesitantly brushed the snow off your cheeks.
Oh, you thought.
“And your lips…”
The warmth of Remus’ fingers brushing over your lips made you stay very still, as you hoped that he would name another place on your face to touch.
“And your eyelashes…” Remus brought up both of his hands and gently cradled your face. You closed your eyes as Remus swept his thumbs over your eyelashes to brush your eyes free of snowflakes.
You breathed out slowly.
“There,” Remus murmured. He let go of you.
You opened your eyes. You were sure your cheeks were flushed, but so were Remus’.
“Ahem.” He coughed and turned his head away from you. “So this is the mythical realm?”
“Yes.”
“Why did you come back here?” Remus wondered. “Isn’t the Nine-Tailed Fox gone?”
“The Nine-Tailed Fox is gone,” you agreed. “Only I don’t understand. Why didn’t she take over my body? She evolves into her most powerful state when she receives her ninth tail. I know she did. I felt it. Her incredible surge of power. I even felt her immortality for a moment. She must be healthy and thriving, somewhere out there… But then, how am I alive? The bargain I struck with the Fox was that I would be the vessel through which she gained her ninth tail and she would grant your wish - ”
Remus made a sudden motion. But when you looked at him nervously, he immediately stilled. He watched you with an intense gaze, waiting for you to go on.
“But I woke up. I know I was asleep for a long time, but still, I’m awake. Then, I realized that Artemis was gone…” You gripped the hem of your jumper. “And the other day, Tonks told us about Rowan’s message: He said that he’d taken back all of his creatures, but there were other, new creatures. That’s when I began to wonder – to hope - ” Your hands turned into tight fists, bunching up the fabric.
Remus’ eyes flashed knowingly. “You think Artemis might be here.”
“Yes,” you confirmed in a fearful whisper. “But I can’t really explain why I think that and I don’t even know what to look for. It’s only an instinct.”
“It makes sense to me,” Remus said firmly. “Not everything that makes sense has to be logical. Clearly, just look at this place.”
“That’s true,” you murmured, feeling more hopeful since Remus seemed to understand what you were thinking.
You and Remus got to your feet. The two of you turned around uncertainly, taking in the vastness of the realm and the dizzying paradox of all four seasons existing in the same time-space all at once.
“I’m not sure where to begin,” you admitted.
“That’s all right,” Remus replied comfortingly. “This isn’t a bad place to take a walk, you know. Perhaps we’ll think of something along the way.” He made to step forward when -
“Ah, wait,” you said suddenly. “There’s something you should know. Time works differently here. When you leave, you may find that months or even years have passed in the real world. Maybe you should go back now.”
Remus’ brow furrowed. “Time skips?”
“Yes. So if you’re worried about that – if you have anyone waiting for you – you should go back.”
Remus shook his head lightly. “Never mind that. It’s all right.”
“But - ”
“I understand what you’re saying. I’m glad you told me, so I know. But the truth is, even if I went back to the real world right now, I’d spend my time worrying about you, anyways. So, it’s best if I stay with you.”
You fell silent. Isn’t Tonks waiting for him? Isn’t he worried about worrying her? A part of you – the narrow-hearted, jealous part – didn’t want to say anything, but your desire to do the right thing and your desire for Remus to be happy easily won out. You blurted out, “What about Tonks?”
Remus cocked his head at you. “What about her?”
“Is it all right to leave her?”
“Well, yes, I assume she’ll be busy with Auror exams.”
“Oh.” You felt yourself become even less certain of what to say. Finally, you decided to compromise. “Well, let’s do our best to be quick then. C’mon, Remus!” You grabbed his wrist and yanked him forward.
Surprised, Remus stumbled forward. Narrowly avoiding stepping on your heels, he tripped to the left. “W-Wait!”
Poof!
A muffled cry sounded out. You turned around frantically, only to find that you had tugged Remus right into another huge pile of snow.
“Hold on!” You hurriedly pawed at the snow, digging him out. When enough of the snow around him had disappeared, you grabbed his waist and yanked him out. You repeated, embarrassed, “Sorry, I’ll be more careful.”
While you were standing in front of him and apologizing for your short-sightedness, Remus suddenly recalled a previous time when this exact same thing happened. You’d dragged Remus out of Gryffindor Tower to celebrate the first major snowfall at Hogwarts. Overexcited, you’d pulled him right into a pile of snow. You’d done the same thing then as you had now – pulled him out and apologized. Afterwards, you’d gone to Hagrid’s to fetch Artemis and the two of you went racing off into the Forbidden Forest. Remus remembered being thankful for the snow because it tracked both of your prints so that he could follow you both into the woods. He couldn’t quite keep up with you and Artemis, as the two of you seemed to have an unspoken routine and easily bounded together over logs, rivers, and hills. You had only lost track of Artemis once, when you let her have a long head start to race off and hide from you. When that happened –
You caught Remus’ bright eyes at once. “What is it?”
Remus said excitedly, “I think I know a way for you to find Artemis.”
Your whole frame lit up with excitement. “How?”
Remus recounted, “Remember you put a little bell around Artemis’ neck? You used to call her whenever you couldn’t find her. You would lift your wand and say - ”
“Corusco!” you finished breathlessly.
“Exactly!”
But then, you wilted. “Oh… But I don’t have my wand anymore.”
Remus rummaged around in his pockets again. He let out a sigh of relief when he found his wand. He pulled it out and offered it to you. “Use mine.”
You took his wand with curiosity. Unfortunately, you could immediately feel that this wand rejected you. It did not consider you its owner, in any way. As you wrapped your fingers around it, a sharp sting ran up your hand.
“Ow!” You accidentally dropped the wand, as a stinging burn ran through your hand.
Remus started, surprised.
“Sorry,” you said. “But I don’t think your wand likes me, Remus. It zapped me.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
You made to pick it up, but Remus stopped you. Not wanting you to get hurt again, he grasped your wrist to halt you and he picked up the wand himself. The wand slid naturally into his hand, fitting gracefully in his large palm and sitting easily in his long, graceful fingers.
“Here, let’s try this.” Remus stepped around you, until he was standing behind you. He held his hand out and told you, “Grasp my wand. Lightly now – and carefully, mind you.”
You gingerly picked up Remus’ wand from his hand.
“I’m going to hold my wand with you, so it’ll sense me,” Remus explained. He slowly folded his hand over yours. His hand covered yours, and suddenly, your hand was so warm, with his fingers covering yours and his palm nestled against the back of your hand.
Since Remus was quite a bit taller than you, he had to hunch over somewhat to keep the wand at a comfortable height for you to hold. He naturally shifted closer to you, until his chest pressed lightly against your back. You jolted slightly, nervous to have him so close to you.
Remus misunderstood; he thought that you were still nervous about his wand rejecting you. “Relax,” he whispered. His chin slid softly over your shoulder and he murmured into your ear, “If you trust me, the wand will lend you its strength.”
You breathed out, willing yourself to calm down.
“That’s right,” Remus encouraged you, speaking very softly. “You can do it. Channel your magic through me.”
You closed your eyes and leaned back a little against Remus.
Remus’ eyes flickered down to you. When he saw you leaning against him, he couldn’t help but think, Lovely, you’re still the same, aren’t you? You look just as you did when I first taught you the Patronus… You trusted me then. You trust me now – even after everything. I’ll give you my magic, Lovely. I’d give all of it to you, if I could.
In a quiet whisper, Remus told you, “Say the spell now.”
You took a deep breath and then you whispered fervently, “Corusco!”
Ring! Ring, ring, ring!
You gasped.
Ring, ring, ring!
“Where’s the sound coming from?” Remus wondered, looking this way and that.
You furiously scanned the many landscapes, too, until – “There!” you cried, punching your other hand into the air to point. Far out in the winter terrain, a silvery little figure came dashing forward. You had to squint to catch it at first, as it was quite a small figure. Once you caught a glimpse of it, though, you could follow its figure was it wove through the trees, flashing through the dark forest that covered most of the winter horizon. It had quite a ways to run – but that was all right, you could meet it halfway, because you were running towards it, too.
You sprinted forward as fast as you could. With each step, your heart became increasingly full of anticipation – until you cried out in a desperate, aching voice, “Artemis! I’m coming!”
All of a sudden, you came across a huge river which blocked your path. No! Please! Let me find a way to cross! Please, please, please! To your dismay, the river had no obvious crossing point and the current looked very fast. Worse still, since the riverbank was covered with tall flowers, you lost sight of Artemis.
Meanwhile, Remus was fighting against the same, tall flowers, trying desperately to find you. “Lovely! Where’ve you gone?”
“Here, Remus!” you called out.
Remus reached you. Instantly, he realized what the situation was and how distressed you were. “Oh no. He held out his wand again. “Do you want try once mo - ?”
Ring! Ring, ring, ring!
Remus cut off. Both of you lifted your heads and tried to peer through the thick meadow of flowers as the bright, clear sound of a bell rang out nearby.
“Art?” you called uncertainly, unsure of which direction the sound was coming from.
Ring! The sound was even clearer – meaning it was quite close.
Then – “Arf! Arf, arf!” A lithe, full-grown, yet still slightly small fox burst out of the flowers and tackled you to the ground.
“Artemis!” you shouted, recognizing her at once. Her fur was silver now, but there was no doubt that this was Artemis.
Remus started, flustered by how you’d been tackled to the ground. Only, you were too busy shouting with joy and rubbing your beloved fox all over her head and tummy, just how she liked it. “Art, it’s you! Oh Merlin, it’s you!” You sat up and threw your arms around her. Burying your face against her fur, you cried, “You’re alive!”
Artemis barked joyfully, happy to hear the sound of your voice, too. However, when she heard you say the word “alive,” she suddenly quieted.
You stilled, too, immediately noticing her reaction. You lifted your head.
Artemis turned her head and she looked at you knowingly. She looked as if she were waiting for you to catch on…
“You’re not alive, are you?” you realized. “That is, you’re not alive in the way you once were, the way I am…”
Artemis gave you a slow nod.
“You can’t leave this realm,” you recognized. “You’re a mythical creature now. You’re like the fox, before she got her ninth tail. You’re immortal, but you’re a creature of this realm.”
Artemis nodded again.
You breathed out. “How did this happen to you?”
Instead of answering, Artemis nuzzled you again, rubbing her now-silver little snout against your shoulder. You brought your hand up and petted her lovingly. But this time, you realized how cold she was and how she didn’t seem to have the same weight as she did before.
“Are you all right?” you whispered to her.
Artemis’ eyes turned into pleased little crescents as she smiled, in her own, mischievous fox way.
“Yeah? You’re happy here?” you confirmed.
Artemis let out a bright bark.
Your heart panged. You felt happy for Artemis, but you also felt sad because you realized that she wasn’t coming back with you. Still, you tried to be grateful just for this moment of reunion and for the fact that she was all right. “Okay, then,” you said softly. “That’s the only important thing, anyways.”
You slid your arms around her and hugged her again. “I missed you so much. Did you know that? I was so worried when I couldn’t find you.”
Artemis let out a small bark. You noticed how her bark was much more clear, even melodic, now. She truly is a creature of this realm. You whispered to her, “Guess you’re not my earthly fox anymore, huh? You’re my mythical fox now.”
Artemis wrapped her tail around your waist. She let out a happy purr.
“Oh,” you remembered, “that’s right. You always wanted to be magical. You used to chew at my wand all the time. It was basically a fox pacifier.”
Artemis grinned again – and she looked rather smug.
You laughed softly, finally sure that Artemis was truly all right. “So, you got your wish, after all. Good for you, Art.”
Just then, a harsh, unexpected bark sounded out from some distance away. “Woof!”
You started. Artemis bounded jubilantly to her feet and she replied with a welcoming bark of her own.
“Who is she calling to?” Remus asked you.
You shook your head, unsure. I expected Artemis to be here, but what other creature could possibly be here? you thought, surprised. Rowan said that he took all of his creatures back. So, what creature could it be?
Then, you saw it – a spry, but quite sizeable wolf was making its way deftly through the flowers. The wolf pushed its way past the final row of flowers and joined you, Remus, and Artemis.
Remus hurriedly pushed you behind him and held out his wand. But Artemis walked forward and nuzzled the wolf. Friend, Artemis was saying clearly, and she was right, for the wolf nuzzled her back. He was very gentle with her, pushing his snout lightly and affectionately against her small frame.
You stuck your head out and peered around Remus. What is that creature? Is it really a wolf? But why is it all silver? Is it a mythical creature, too? But it’s a different kind of silver from Art. Art’s a grey-silver and the wolf is a pure silver. You peered even more closely at the wolf. What’s that on it’s chest? Like an emblem… Hm, it’s a perfect circle. Is it just a coincidental mark?
Right at that moment, the wolf stopped nuzzling Artemis. He straightened up to his full height and looked at Remus.
“What? What do you want?” Remus said apprehensively.
The wolf let out a single, gruff bark.
Your eyes widened. A perfect circle – it’s a moon! A full moon!
“Remus!” you gasped, shocking him. He nearly stumbled back. You caught him, as you said breathlessly, “That’s you!”
Remus turned his head so fast he nearly bumped your head. “What?”
“That’s your werewolf spirit! Look! There’s a full moon on its chest!”
Remus whipped his head back around and he looked closely at at the wolf’s chest. When he saw the symbol and recognized it as the full moon, his breath caught. “You’re saying that’s me?”
“Yes,” you said, certain of it now. “That’s your werewolf spirit, Remus. So, this is where he came to, after he left your being.”
Remus knelt down, peering at the wolf. In a trembling voice, he whispered, “You’re me…?”
The wolf walked up to him.
Remus shivered, but he stood his ground and remained crouching, so he could come face-to-face with the wolf. The wolf was quite an impressive size, and when he moved, his strength could be felt and seen in his movements. Soon, the wolf was face-to-face with Remus.
Remus put his wand down and lifted his hand.
The wolf slowly pressed his snout against Remus’ hand.
When the wolf’s nose touched Remus’ palm, Remus breathed out suddenly. “Merlin, it’s really you. I can feel the energy of the full moon coursing through me.”
The wolf blinked up at Remus. Their eyes met.
Remus swallowed hard. Then, he whispered darkly, “But you’re a monster.”
Offended, the wolf let out a harsh breath and immediately turned its head away from Remus.
You held your breath, suddenly afraid.
“You made my life so difficult,” Remus continued in a harsh, bitter whisper. “You were the reason why I was always ill, why my family broke apart, why I could never get a job, why I’m a burden to all my friends, why I could never allow myself to love someone, why I questioned whether life was worth living, why I hated myself…” Tears slowly dripped down Remus’ face. He whispered, in an utterly broken voice, “But seeing you like this, as a true wolf, all I can do is pity you. I denied every instinct and craving you ever had and I blamed so much of my own failures on you. I’m sorry for our miserable existence. Still, I couldn’t give into you. Don’t you see? I had to resent you.” Remus broke down, sobbing.
You fell to your knees beside Remus and you hugged him tightly. “Sh, Rem,” you whispered kindly. “It’s all right. It’s okay to hurt. God knows how long you’ve held this all in.”
The wolf let out a displeased snort. He made a sudden motion, as if to take off. However, Artemis let out a low whine. She nodded her head at you. The wolf stared at Artemis, then at you, and then back to Artemis. Artemis nodded again. The wolf’s curiosity got the better of him, and he began to sniff at you.
Hearing the wolf, Remus lifted his head. When he saw the wolf coming closer to you, Remus quickly wiped away his tears and pulled you close to him.
“It’s all right,” you reassured him. “He’s not going to hurt me.”
“Are you sure?” Remus asked you, his voice cracking even in that short phrase.
You nodded. It was your turn to gently put your hands on his cheeks and to cradle his face. You assured Remus, “You’re not going to hurt me.”
The wolf was now sniffing at the hem of your cloak. You turned your head towards him. “Hello,” you said pleasantly. “We’ve never met.” You paused and amended, “Not properly, anyways.”
Remus shamefully looked away from you. You tightened your hug on Remus, but you kept talking to the wolf. “You’re friends with Art, I see. I’m glad. I was forever trying to teach Art to like you when you were with Remus, but I’m not sure Art ever really took to Rem. Now we know for sure that it was Remus that Artemis didn’t like and not you, huh?” You laughed, finding the thought quite funny.
The wolf looked at you skeptically. Clearly, he didn’t trust easily. Still, he seemed satisfied enough with you as he made his way back to Artemis. When Artemis saw him coming back, she bounded forward happily to meet him. The wolf tried not to appear too pleased at first, but when Artemis managed to lick his face, the wolf clearly softened. He laid down on his tummy so Artemis could lick his face without having to jump up.
You smiled. “Look, Remus. They really are friends.”
Remus didn’t say anything, but his eyes softened as he watched Artemis and the wolf together.
After a moment, the wolf stood up. He let out a soft, but quite low grumble. Artemis’ ears and tail perked up. Then, with a merry yelp, Artemis took off. The wolf waited patiently for about ten seconds and then, with a powerful leap off of his hind legs, he was off, too. Artemis’ barking got louder and louder the closer he got to catching up, until she was barking furiously, clearly laughing in her own way, as he managed to catch him to her.
Then, the most incredible thing happened. As Artemis and the wolf (Lupin, you thought in your head) ran through the field together, the flowers immediately around them began to light up with a silvery glow and to ring.
You gasped when you realized that the flowers were snowdrops. The Nine-Tailed Fox’s crystal-clear melodic voice, Artemis’ old bell sound, the snowdrops… All of it has come together.
You and Remus got up onto your feet and both of you in the magical sight of the field of snowdrops lighting up and ringing its merry winter bells as the two forever-mythical spirits ran off into the wintery forest. Though you didn’t know it, they were running back home, to a small, warm cave at the foot of the mountains. The entrance to the cave was framed with tiny, white foxtail ferns and a single, sturdy wolfsbane plant guarding the door.
* * * * * * * * * *
Neither you nor Remus were quite yourselves as you headed for the door leading back to the real world. However, when you neared the doorway, you caught sight of something that shocked you back to your senses. You grabbed Remus’ arm and squeezed hard.
“Is something wrong?”
You nodded up ahead. “Look at that.”
Incredibly, where there used to be only a silver glimmer – all but undetectable unless one knew to look for it – there was now a proper doorway. It was floating in the air, but it was very clearly a metal doorway. What was more, it was framed with white and pink flowers. It looked like the flowers had grown up and around the metal doorframe.
Oh, you realized, so that’s why there were white and pink flowers framing Remus when he first appeared. He was stepping out of the door.
“A doorway,” you said, awed. “That wasn’t there before.”
“It wasn’t?”
You shook your head. “I wonder if that means…” You hesitated. “Remus, will you hold onto my hand? I want to try something, but please pull me out if I ask you to of if I scream.”
“Scream? Why? What are you planning to do?”
“I just want to test this door.”
“Are you sure it’s all right for you to do this?” Remus said nervously, following you to the door. “Can’t we throw a branch through it? Or can’t I do it instead?”
“No, no, I’m sure it’ll be all right,” you said. “Now, please hold my hand.”
Remus took your hand in both of his and clutched onto your hand tightly.
You stood before the doorway and then you carefully put your hand through the door.
Whoosh! You gasped when you suddenly felt a rush of wind hit your hand.
Taking no chances, Remus immediately yanked your hand as hard as he could. You were yanked right into his arms. “Oh!” you breathed out.
“Are you all right?” Remus said urgently. “You’re not hurt, are you?”
“No, I’m fine.” You laughed. “Sorry I made you nervous.”
“But what was all that about?” Remus asked you. He didn’t seem aware of the fact that he was all but crushing you in his arms, even though he had to look down far enough that his chin almost touched his chest as he peered down at you.
“I wanted to check if that doorway was a stable doorway to the real world,” you informed him. You put your hand on Remus’ chest and he instinctively relaxed, letting you go a little.
“And is it?” he asked.
You nodded. “Yes. There’s no doubt about it. The wind I felt was wind from the real world. Even more incredible, it’s stable enough that people can come and go as they please.” You frowned slightly, though, as you wondered, “But how could a door be built here? I thought it was condition of a time crystal that it be totally independent of all other notions of time.” You looked up at the sky. Remus followed your gaze, tilting his head up to the sky too.
“It must have something to do with how there are four seasons here now,” you guessed.
“What do you mean?”
“It used to be only winter here. And there were no creatures. Well, Rowan’s creatures were here, but they weren’t of here, strictly speaking.” When you mentioned Rowan, you suddenly had an idea of what might have happened.
You stared once more at the doorway. This time, instead of paying attention to its structure or the beautiful flowers gracing it, you looked closely at the metal. It looks like the same metal that Tristan’s watch was made of, you thought. Hm…
Remus’ voice broke into your musings. “Shouldn’t we get out of here? I don’t mean to rush you, but now that we know Artemis is all right and if we’re worried about time skips…”
Ah, right. Remus has to get back – to his real life and to Tonks, you remembered. “Right.” You stepped away from Remus, slipping out of his warms. With a small sigh, you murmured, “Back to the real world we go.”
I shouldn’t be sad, you reminded yourself. I’ve found Artemis and Remus has found his happiness. This is what I wished for, after all. It’s all right if I’m going back alone. Even if Artemis can’t come back with me, even if the Nine-Tailed Fox is no longer in my soul, and even if Remus is with somebody else, I know I’m strong enough to find my own way.
Standing in front of the doorway, you reached out to Remus and said warmly, “Thank you, Remus, for coming after me.”
Remus slid his hand into yours. Grasping his hand, you stepped through the doorway, and the both of you returned to the real world.
* * * * * * * * * *
As it was, Tristan’s watch, which Rowan had planted in the ground near the doorway, had grown to create the metal doorway.
The fundamental principle empowering the Graves’ metal magic was fate. Fate is a stable concept of time because it constitutes a prior determination. However, fate is also a flexible concept because it can accept the notion of ‘progress’ within it without losing its original meaning. Fate is the confines within which humans exert free will. As such, the metal of Tristan’s watch introduced a notion of determined progress, of circularity, without breaking the notion of ‘eternity’ that the ice phoenix’s heart was underholding (and which underpins the very existence of this realm). In this way, progress is accepted as a ‘part’ of eternity so long as it remains pre-determined and circular – in other words, so long as it does not introduce change into the environment. Thus, the four seasons occur all at once here.
And where did the seasons come from, you may wonder? Well, just as the mythical realm influenced Rowan’s creatures, so those creatures influenced the mythical realm. As Newt and Rowan always said, magical creatures are more powerful than wizards and witches in the magic that they produce. Frank had forged a summer for the mythical realm – a summer full of dazzling thunderstorms, but with an even brighter sun. Nula had offered the colors of her lovely, exuberant ruffles to create the autumn foliage of the mythical realm. And Sil had given his iridescence, playfulness, and adaptability to craft a blessed, twinkling, though slightly mischievous spring. They had left something of themselves here in this mythical realm: seeds of their spirits. However, it was only after Rowan planted Tristan’s watch into the ground that those seeds sprouted into the full being of four different seasons.
‘Infinity’ now took on a new meaning in the mythical realm. That was how the mythical realm, created by the ice phoenix and protected by the Nine-Tailed Fox, was not only restored and taken back from the succubus, but revived and reinvented into a much livelier place, where myth was invited to explore and grow itself, rather than simply being frozen for the sake of being preserved.
As for the Nine-Tailed Fox, she had in fact returned briefly to guide Artemis’ spirit here. When she arrived, she felt the ice phoenix speak to her soul. My, my. Look how you’ve grown. A full Nine-Tailed Fox. Your family would have been very proud of you.
The Nine-Tailed Fox held her head up proudly and swished her gorgeous, full tails. She playfully showed off before the ice phoenix, who laughed merrily. But then, the Nine-Tailed Fox noticed the four seasons, and she gasped aloud. Seasons! There are seasons in the mythical world?
Yes, there are.
How your heart has grown, my friend, the Fox whispered, almost afraid of her happiness. You don’t even need me to be a guardian of this world anymore, do you?
No, the ice phoenix agreed. You are free to wander wherever you’d like without having to worry about this realm anymore. He sighed. I’m sorry, my old friend, I never meant for this realm to become a burden for you. I’m glad you’ve found your true freedom now.
Please don’t, the Nine-Tailed Fox replied. You kept me alive by giving me a home, both in life and in sacrifice. When I had no mother or father to run to, no tails to hide in, you lent me your wings for comfort. You wrapped them around me as though I were your own. That was how I survived those long years. I may be free but my heart is always with you, in this wonderful realm that you’ve created and hold steady. That’s why this little fox, Artemis, will be able to live there.
At this, the ice phoenix chuckled. So, you brought her here.
The Nine-Tailed Fox blinked. That’s how it worked out.
The ice phoenix observed, She’s quite a young spirit.
Yes.
And she’s in love.
Is she?
Yes. A wolf spirit came after her, you know. He arrived just now, on the other side of the mountains. They’ve just met, and yet they’re clearly in love.
The Nine-Tailed Fox smiled an elusive, mysterious smile. Well, well, imagine that.
Yes, just imagine.
The Fox’s tails swirled in the air. Her paws itched. She was ready to take the many universes out there by storm.
Go, the ice phoenix urged. Live your destiny. You’ve earned every right to be the true Nine-Tailed Fox that you are.
I’ll come back soon, the Fox promised.
Don’t. Be happy. Be free, the ice phoenix said decidedly. Besides, you’re immortal and I’m eternal. We will meet again someday. Until then, I’m happy to wait. I’m happy imagining your freedom. It’s how I’ve always wanted to spend my eternity.
The Nine-Tailed Fox lifted her head and howled. It was a powerful sound. The force of her howl caused a gush of wind to rush over the mythical world. Lightning crackled in the summer world; new flowers burst into bloom in the spring world; the variegated foliage shivered mightily, all at once, in the autumn world; and out in the icy, winter world, a small fox and a weary wolf howled together in reply, the way they might howl at a moon.
The Nine-Tailed Fox’s eyes glimmered brightly. Her lips pulled back and she bared her teeth ferociously. A low, thrumming growl ran through from the tip of her nose down to each of her nine tails. Then, the Nine-Tailed Fox bounded up into the sky. There was a bright, silver flash and a busy flurry of nine tails swishing brightly in the four-colored sky – and she was gone, off to live the spiritual adventures befitting a true Nine-Tailed Fox.
#fanfic#fanfiction#harry potter imagine#foxtail and wolfsbane#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#marauders#marauders era
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Foxtail & Wolfsbane 41
Summary: Your lifelong obsession to hunt down the Nine-Tailed Fox has not gone as expected, and seventeen years later, you find yourself coming back to the place where it all started: Hogwarts. However, with Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban and Headmaster Dumbledore’s hire of a certain Professor R. J. Lupin, you suddenly find yourself intertwined in the fates of those with whom you thought you had parted ways with long ago.
[Multi-Post Story] [Rowan Scamander x Reader] [Remus Lupin x Reader] [Young Sirius Black x Reader] [Tristan Graves x Reader] [Severus Snape x Reader] *Note: Rowan Scamander, Tristan Graves, Susana Holmes, Cas Carneirus, Henrietta Weiss, Thomas Picquery, and Magdalene Clarke are OC characters.
Note: Part 41 does not contain any smut.
*Please do not repost or copy my work without my permission. Thank You!
☾ Click Here for Foxtail & Wolfsbane Home Page (All Chapter Links) ☾
You and Remus traveled back together to Grimmauld Place. It was an odd journey because you were sure that Remus would want to return as quickly as possible – and yet he kept insisting on using Muggle transportation.
First, the two of you trekked through the forest together. You were both quiet, not speaking much. However, as you approached the forest outskirts, you felt as though a spell was about to be broken. Remus was about to step past you, when you grasped the cuff of his robe.
“Remus, wait.”
Remus turned and looked at you, waiting for you to speak.
You wondered how you could express the complicated thoughts feelings that had been running through your heart over and over again. “There’s something I’d like to make clear before we go back to the real world and lose ourselves in the chaos out there again. It hasn’t always been easy, Remus. When you said to me, all of those years ago, that you didn’t want me by your side…” Your fingers tightened on Remus’ cuff. “I understand now, of course. And Merlin knows you have every right to your own feelings. Only, when I realized that all of those years, you had kept such an important secret from me - ” You shook your head, frustrated because you weren’t saying clearly what you wanted to convey. “This isn’t – I’m not - ” Shaking your head, you started over, speaking as calmly as you could. “All of these years, there’s one thing I wanted to tell you, both when we were together and when we were apart…” You looked Remus directly in his eyes and said truthfully, “I’m glad to have met you, Remus Lupin. I’d do it all over again, every bit of it, to meet you again.”
Remus felt his heart shiver in his chest. He started to step towards you.
That was when you continued, “That’s not conditioned on any type of relationship. I’m not asking for – Merlin knows I’m not asking to – to be with you.”
Remus stuttered to a stop. Oh…
“What I mean is that your happiness is my happiness and your sadness is my sadness.” You gave Remus a brave smile. “I suppose I’m trying to say that I wish you’ll always be happy. That’s all.”
Remus felt as if everything was frozen in time. Lovely wants me to be happy… But not with her.
You waited for Remus to respond. Only, he continued to gaze at you like a deer in headlights. You broke the silence first by saying, “Well, then. Let’s get out of here, huh?”
You forged ahead, breaking through the last line of trees. Remus let out a long, low breath and straightened out his cuff (which you’d wrinkled) before he followed you out.
* * * * * * * * * *
Once you and Remus had found your way back to civilization, Remus suggested taking a ship instead of a Portkey back to Europe. You wondered aloud if that would be all right when “certain Order members in London” were bound to be waiting for him. Remus stared at you as though he wasn’t certain how to respond.
You turned away from Remus to avoid his gaze, but you didn’t regret saying it aloud. While you didn’t want to be overbearing, you also didn’t want to cause any friction between Remus and Tonks. Finally, you encouraged Remus to send a Patronus to let Tonks that he was all right and that he was on his way back.
When you bought your ship tickets, you realized (with huge relief) that only two months had passed while you and Remus were in the mythical world.
* * * * * * * * * *
That night, you lay awake in the bunk bed. Last time I was on this ship, I had Artemis squirrelled away under my cloak. She would fall asleep on my stomach and keep me warm. I always slept better when she was around…
Just then, you heard a light snore wander up from the bunk below you – where Remus was sleeping. You turned onto your side and pressed your hand against your sheets. You thought of Remus and his wolf self. There was so much hurt in his heart, you remembered. I wish I could be the one to help him through that.
But no, you caught yourself. I can’t think like that. Remus has Tonks. She’s better for him. She’s brighter than I am, and she’s effortless about it.
Right, you thought, rolling onto your back again. Now, it’s time for me to grow up and make something of my life. I should get a real job, for starters. No more of this chasing myths. You shut your eyes and made to go to sleep.
* * * * * * * * * *
Twenty minutes later, you opened your eyes again. Damn, I can’t seem to sleep.
Giving up sleep altogether, you left your bed and climbed down the ladder. You started to put on your shoes and your cloak when Remus woke up. “Lovely?” he murmured. “‘S that you?”
You knelt beside Remus’ cot and pulled up the blanket around him. “Sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep, Remus.”
You began to turn away when Remus croaked out, “Wait, now - !”
You started to shout a warning, “Watch - !”
Thunk! Remus sat up too suddenly and clonked his head against the upper bunk. He immediately flopped over and put his hand to his head. “Ow…”
“Oh, Remus.” You came back to him. Leaning onto his bed a little, you rubbed his shoulder. “You’re taller than you think you are. I think it’s time you finally admit that, and stop being so clumsy.”
Remus moved his hand away and cracked one eye open at you. “And you need to stop moving about so fast,” he said, his voice still thick with sleep. “Give me some time to catch up with you before you go flitting off again, please.”
“I’m only going outside for some fresh air,” you replied. “I don’t need to wake you up for that, do I?”
“Well, perhaps not, but you did,” Remus murmured. With a sigh, he sat up again (carefully this time). “So I’m coming with you, if that’s all right.”
“You don’t have to,” you said softly, wondering if Remus was actually awake and aware of what he was saying. “You should stay in bed.”
“Why? Would you be uncomfortable if I came with you?” Remus asked.
You hesitated. Uncomfortable? I suppose so – since my heart won’t stay still whenever you so much as look my way.
Then, you caught the way Remus was looking at you, waiting for your reply.
Uncertainly, you replied, “No…” You fidgeted slightly. Since you were only half-dressed, with your shoes half-on and your cloak loosely hung around your shoulders, your awkward shifting made your cloak slip off one of your shoulders.
Remus reached over to fix your cloak. “Then, may I come outside with you?”
You shrugged. “Sure, but I’ll be right back, so there’s really no need.” Your shrug made your cloak slip off again.
Remus gave you a weary smile as he reached over yet again to fix your cloak again. This time, he fastened the button on your cloak for you. As his fingers gently brushed your throat, Remus replied, in his still-tired, raspy voice, “I know that’s what you intend, but I can’t help feeling like you’ll go flitting off on your next adventure any second now.”
“Flitting off?” you repeated, catching Remus’ odd turn of phrase.
But Remus nodded and said, rather seriously, “I’ve started to think that you are a myth, and you’ll disappear before my eyes at any moment. And while I don’t mean to keep you, I wish you’d give me a moment to get my bearings together before you disappear again.”
You couldn’t help but smile at this fanciful accusation. Reaching out, you touched the back of Remus’ hand to convince him, “What do you mean, I’m a myth? I’m right here, aren’t I? I’m just as human as you.”
As soon as the last words slipped out of your mouth, you wanted to take them back. You stilled, instinctively expecting Remus’ eyes to darken and for him to draw away from you, as he had always done. Instead, Remus’ eyes remained quite light, if not a bit sleepy, and he whispered back, “Thanks to you.” He slipped his hand from under to over your hand and he gripped your hand gently in his.
Oh… His hands… I’ve always loved the way his hands feel on me – No, but wait, this isn’t appropriate. Right, I don’t think Remus is fully awake. You abruptly snatched your hand away from Remus. Clearing your throat and shoving your hands deep into your pockets, you stood up and said, “Of course you’re welcome to join me. Put on your cloak, Remus. I’ll wait outside.”
With that, you quickly walked away from him.
Staring after you, Remus slowly turned his hand back over and he gripped the blanket for a moment before he got up and pulled on his cloak and shoes and followed you out.
* * * * * * * * * *
You and Remus made your way up to the deck. Although you were tired, you let out a sigh of relief when you felt the fresh sea air wash over you. Admiring the stars shining brightly above you and the dark waves crashing gently against the ship, you let yourself get lost in the vast vista of untamable nature stretching out before you.
I don’t know why, but I love the freedom of the unknown. This sense of adventure… It sings in my soul, you realized. What do I do, though, when I know now that adventure doesn’t build anything lasting in life?
You glanced at Remus, who was standing beside you. He seemed to be looking up at the moon.
Remus isn’t a werewolf anymore, you mused. That means that he’ll be able to move on with his life. He can build whatever life he wants with Tonks. The only thing holding him back from building his life was his werewolf self.
But I’m different. I don’t have a reason why I’m unstable. Rather, I’m simply not a steady person. I feel most at home with the fantastical, even when it’s detrimental to my ‘real’ life. You thought to yourself, I wonder if Remus sensed that about me. I wonder if that’s why he never trusted me enough to tell me that he was a werewolf.
You felt a familiar pang of hurt go off in your heart – and it was strange not to feel or hear the Nine-Tailed Fox reacting to that with a snarky comment. In fact, you missed her reactions. Without her, there was only hurt.
You chanced a sideways glance at Remus. All those years together, you never let me in. I have no doubt in my mind that I would have accepted your werewolf self. I would have loved you the same and respected you even more. Instead you shut me out, time and time again. I understand why. I understand that I’m not a stable, trustworthy person. I understood, too, the fear of being seen as less than human.
But what was I supposed to do? If I intruded on your privacy and forced you to tell me, you would hate me. But since you didn’t tell me, you kept me at a distance until I became a burden to you, unable to reach you when you needed me. Yes, you were always putting up a front before me, I see that now. All of those times I thought were happy times, like the first time we made love, you must have been so stressed. I sensed it back then, but I didn’t realize why that guilt existed or how deep it went.
Remus was indeed gazing up at the moon. It was a half-moon tonight. Out of habit, he let out a sigh of relief. Whenever he saw a nearly full moon, he still tensed up. Eventually, though, his eyes fell onto you. There you were, outlined against the darkness of the endless sea, with your hair becoming tangled by the salty breeze, and faint starshine reflecting in your eyes and glinting off your cheeks. He swore that something of the mythical realm, or perhaps of the Nine-Tailed Fox’s energy, stayed with you, even if you weren’t aware of it yourself.
“What are you thinking about?” Remus asked. “Your next adventure?”
“No, there’s no ‘next adventure’ for me, I’m afraid.”
“Is that so?”
“Mm, I think I’ve had my fair share of adventure with the Nine-Tailed Fox.”
“That is more adventure than most people have in a lifetime,” Remus agreed easily. “But then, what are you thinking so hard about?”
You shot Remus a questioning look. “What makes you say I’m thinking hard about something?”
“I know what you’re like when you’re fixated on something,” Remus replied quietly. “Your expression, your energy… They change when you’re ruminating.”
Giving up on feigning ignorance, you murmured, “I’m not sure you want to know.”
Remus waited patiently, looking at you with a soft, curious gaze.
Avoiding his gaze, you reached out and grasped the railing in front of you. You stared down at the dark waters below for a beat before you admitted, “If you want to know the truth, I’m thinking about why you didn’t tell me what you were.”
Remus’ eyes flashed. A moment later, his brow furrowed and his expression became tense.
With a sad smile, you whispered, “I told you that you didn’t want to know.”
Remus let out a long and heavy sigh. “So, you haven’t forgiven me for that, have you?” Then, he muttered to himself, “Well, of course not. It would be strange if you could forgive me.”
“You’re right. I haven’t forgiven you for not telling me, ” you acknowledged. “And if there wasn’t all of this – this otherworldly stuff going on, I’d be a lot more obvious about it.”
Remus shut his eyes and tried to remember how to breathe. He hated this. He could feel your your disappointment.
However, you then said, in a softer voice, “Though, in a way, I’m glad that I didn’t have the chance to react right away. Because it made me think about it a lot more. I don’t fully understand still, but I feel calmer about it now, for whatever that’s worth.” You let go of the railing and turned to Remus. “I’m sorry I wasn’t someone you could rely on. When I saw you with your wolf, it made me realize how you’ve always been struggling, all by yourself.” You paused for a moment, willing yourself not to become too emotional, before you continued, “The truth is that I can’t help but be upset because I always wanted you to trust me the way I trusted you. See, you were such a blessing in my life because I felt I could tell you everything and you’d accept me. The fact that you didn’t feel the same way about me – Well, it’s something I’m still figuring out. I’ve been thinking about our time together and I still think about you quite – quite often.”
You suddenly realized that you were very close to spilling out your heart to him. You quickly turned away. “Sorry, I’ve said too much.” You tried to lighten the atmosphere by joking, “I told you that you wouldn’t want to hear all this. Sharing late-night thoughts is never a good idea, especially because when I’m with you, I’m prone to saying silly, silly things…”
Remus didn’t move. You kept your head down. But as the seconds went by, you felt incredibly torn between looking at him to read his expression and running away altogether. Finally, Remus murmured aloud, “That day we parted… You left me a letter. I didn’t find it until after you’d gone, but I remember it very well. You…” He fell silent again.
In your mind, you begged him to go on, to tell you his thoughts.
Meanwhile, in his mind, Remus was recalling the words you’d written to him in your letter. After you had gone, all he had had left of you was this letter. He’d read it so many times that the pages had gone all limp and the ink had mostly faded away. You had written, “Just to be clear, I’m not angry with you, Remus. I’m truly not. I just feel sad, because you must feel that you can’t trust me as completely as I trust you. I don’t want to pressure you. I’m not writing to tell you that you have to tell me what’s going on with you or anything. But I just want to promise that I will work really, really hard to earn your trust and to be someone reliable enough that you feel you can tell me your deepest troubles.”
“Remus?” Your troubled voice brought Remus back to the present.
Remus gazed at you. “Nothing,” he said quietly, unable to tell you what he felt for you in words. “It’s only that…”
“Only what?”
Remus smiled warmly. “You haven’t changed at all, Lovely.”
When you heard Remus say that, your heart fell. He’s saying that I still don’t feel like a reliable person. He’s trying to make it sound endearing, but his point is clear. You pretended to nod at Remus, but it was really an excuse to duck your head down and hide how hard you were biting down on your lower lip.
* * * * * * * * * *
Meanwhile, back at Grimmauld Place, Sirius received quite the surprise when he found a piece of Muggle mail on his doorstep.
“How the hell did this get here?” Sirius wondered, flipping the envelope over to read it as he walked into the kitchen.
Tonks and Bill were already in the kitchen. Tonks called, “What is it?”
“A piece of Muggle mail. But Grimmauld Place isn’t visible to non-magical folk.”
“It must be a magical person that dropped it off, then,” Bill surmised. “They just happened to do it by Muggle means.”
“But why?”
Tonks stood up and peered curiously over Sirius’ shoulder. “Open it. Maybe it’ll give us a clue.”
Sirius ripped open the letter. He read aloud, “To a certain wayward Remus J. Lupin: It has come to our attention that you defaced the following books by ripping pages out of them. Unfortunately, these books have now been deemed ‘damaged’ and you are responsible for paying the following amount to replace the value of these books – Gulping gargoyles!”
Bill nearly choked on his spoon when Sirius shouted out such an outdated phrase.
“Two hundred and sixty Galleons!?” Sirius yelped. “What, did he go sharpen his claws on the whole fucking library or something?”
“What kind of books are they?” Bill asked curiously. “Does the letter say?”
Sirius reeled off, “Mysteries of the Lost Forests; Maps of the Ancient World Volumes I, I, and II; The Secret Geography of Japan; Magical Doorways and Cupboards: How Not to Lose Your Head by Accidental Head-Sticking-into-Dangerous-Holes’ – What in the name of…? The hell was Moony doing?”
“We can ask him when he gets here,” Tonks said. “He should be here either tonight or tomorrow morning.”
“Do you think he’s found fox girl?” Bill asked, having unconsciously picked up on Sirius’ nickname for you. “That’s why he left in the first place, right? And those book titles all indicate that he was trying to locate a specific place.”
“Yeah, I s’pse so.” Sirius folded the letter back up. As he tossed it on the table, he remarked, “He better have found fox girl, ‘cause he certainly can’t pay back this library all by himself.”
“Do you think the librarian delivered it to us?” Bill wondered.
Sirius shook his head. “The librarian isn’t someone we know, so she couldn’t have known the password for Grimmauld Place.”
“Strange,” Tonks remarked. “Wonder who got this letter to us, then.”
* * * * * * * * * *
In a nearby candy shop, Albus Dumbledore, the Head Managing Wizard of all magical libraries and friend of all librarians, whistled merrily as he bought himself a good helping of sour lemon candies. He planned to offer them to Remus Lupin to cheer up the poor fellow once he’d read the letter that Albus himself had taken great care to drop off at Grimmauld Place.
* * * * * * * * * *
You and Remus arrived in Europe. Now, the two of you had to head back to London. When Remus suggested taking a long train trip back, you said, in a rather confused voice, “Well, all right, I’m game. Merlin knows I haven’t got any plans. But perhaps you should send another Patronus to Tonks.”
Remus drew his wand and sent his Patronus to Sirius.
“And maybe another to Tonks?” you suggested.
Remus frowned slightly. “She’ll get the message. They’re both at Grimmauld Place, after all.”
“Oh.” You hesitated. Strange. Oh, well, it’s none of my business.
Recognizing that you weren’t telling him something, Remus’s frown deepened.
Just then, the train whistle blew and the conductor shouted for passengers to board. You and Remus boarded the train. Although the train was mostly full, you and Remus were able to snag a compartment for yourselves for at least a few minutes.
It was only when you had both taken your seats that Remus finally threw up his hands and gave into his long-suffocated curiosity. “All right, I have to ask. You keep bringing up Tonks. Why?”
Startled, your head swiveled as you turned to look at Remus. “Huh?”
“Why do you keep talking about Tonks? What about her is so interesting to you?”
To me? you thought incredulously. I was trying to think about you, Remus.
Unwilling to say this aloud, however, you ended up blurting out, “Uh, her hair changes more colors than mine.”
“Yes, but - ” Remus stopped and shook his head when he actually took in your answer. “Wait, what?”
You quickly fibbed, “She – um – She’s a Hufflepuff – No, an Auror – a Metamorphagi!”
Remus looked more confused than ever. “So – So, this is why you think I should send all of my Patronuses to her?”
Unable to think of a reply to salvage yourself, you were relieved when the compartment door opened and a family of four came in.
Although Remus did not try to repeat his question, you could feel his skeptical gaze boring a hole into the side of your face. I’ve never met anyone as kind and gentle as Remus, but Merlin, he really knows how to stare, you thought, flushing.
Trying to diffuse the tension, you pointed out the window and chirped brightly, “Look, it’s a great horned owl! He’s got a letter in his beak. Blimey, I wonder who was able to tame that owl for a pet. Rowan said that great horned owls are harder to tame than thunderbirds. ‘Course, he was exaggerating to make a point, but I… I think you get my… drift…” You had turned your head to look at Remus, only to find that his gaze had become even more serious and piercing. Your pseudo-cheerful voice slowly dried up into hesitant nothingness.
Keeping his voice very low, so as not to be overheard by the family, Remus said to you, “Perhaps it’s none of my business, but I feel I must ask, what happened to you and Rowan?”
You whispered back nervously, “What do you mean?”
“Well,” Remus said, barely moving his lips now, “weren’t the two of you engaged?”
“Oh… No, we weren’t,” you answered. But then, thinking about it, you corrected, “Well, we were close. I mean, we were trying to get there. Rowan was being very sweet, committing himself to me. He was waiting for me to reciprocate, only I…” Your hands slowly balled up into fists as an intense feeling of guilt pierced through your chest. “…I found that I couldn’t.”
“Is Rowan still waiting for you, then?” Remus asked. “Waiting for a confirmation?”
You turned away from Remus, feeling deeply ashamed of yourself as you murmured, “No, he knows that there’s no point in waiting. I reckon he saw right through me from the beginning.”
“Saw through you…?”
“From the moment I came racing back to Grimmauld Place, Rowan knew…” you whispered. A heavy, dull throb of pain went off in your heart. There were so many painful things about what had happened between you and Rowan, but the worst was that you realized, in hindsight, that you had used him. You had never meant to, but you had taken so much from him and then failed to live up to the same level of commitment. Keeping your head down, you fell into talking to yourself as you murmured, “He knew I’d come back because I cared about someone else, and I selfishly dragged him along with me anyways.”
Remus frowned, not understanding your words. Lovely came back for someone else?
However, as those words ran through his mind, Remus suddenly had a flashback to the night you’d returned to the Order. As soon as you saw Remus and realized that he was hurt, you’d pounced on Sirius. Remus’ breath caught. Did Lovely actually come back to check up on me? Did she hear that Sirius had escaped and come to make sure that Sirius wasn’t using me again? Or am I simply desperate enough that I’m tying events together in an utterly nonsensical way?
Remus’ eyes flickered over to you, and he tried to gain a hint from your expression. Only, you had turned towards the window so that Remus could no longer see your face.
Just then, one of the children in the compartment screamed and accidentally threw her Chocolate Frog right in Remus’ face. Splat!
You looked up, only to find a half-eaten Chocolate Frog plastered on Remus’ cheek. Remus slowly pulled it off of his face. When you chuckled at his expression, Remus lifted an eyebrow at you.
Meanwhile, the child screamed, “He took it! He took my candy!”
“He did not take your candy,” the mother said, exhausted. “You threw it at him. You need to apologize to the nice man, all right?”
“Never mind,” Remus said graciously.
You silently offered Remus your handkerchief. He took it and wiped his face with it.
Ten minutes later, when the trolley lady came around to sell snacks and drinks, Remus ordered four Chocolate Frogs – one for each of the kids, one for himself and one that he put into your pocket, along with your handkerchief.
“Thank you,” you said quietly.
Remus nodded. Then, he peeled open his own Chocolate Frog. You couldn’t help but smile as you watched Remus, who had been staring at you so intently just minutes ago, now eating a Chocolate Frog with evident satisfaction written all over his face.
* * * * * * * * * *
“Last stop! Last stop!”
Someone nudged your shoulder. “Lovely, wake up. We’ve got to get off now.”
“Huh? Oh…” You had fallen asleep against the window without realizing it. You pried your face off of the glass and followed Remus off of the train.
Once you both were on the platform, Remus looked over at you to make sure you were still behind him. Taking in your state, he suddenly laughed. “Seems like you slept quite well.”
You quickly reached up and patted the side of your face.
“There’s nothing on your face,” Remus assured you. “It’s just that you’re looking a bit dazed there.”
“I’m fine,” you replied, blinking quickly as you tried to adjust your eyes to the sunlight pouring into the train station.
“Right,” Remus said. “But here, take my hand, just in case.”
Remus held out his hand to you and you instinctively took it. It was only when you felt Remus’ hand fold warmly over your own that you thought, Wait… What’s he doing? This isn’t right. What about Tonks? You paused, however, as you thought back to Remus’ evident confusion about you constantly mentioning Tonks. Does that mean they’re not together? But I saw them together, that night in the kitchen.
Remus finally pulled you free of the crowd. However, you suddenly dug in your heels and pulled your hand out of Remus’ grasp.
Remus paused. “What’s the matter?”
“We shouldn’t be holding hands like that, Remus,” you said firmly.
“Oh, I’m sorry if I was gripping your hand too tightly. I simply didn’t want you to get lost - ”
You finally gave up on the subtleties. “Oh, come on, Remus! You can’t be seeing one girl and then holding another girl’s hand like that. And of course you should send a Patronus to your girlfriend if you’re away for this long, especially if you’re with just one other person! Even if you don’t mean anything by it, it’s disrespectful to your girlfriend!”
Remus blinked owlishly. “My girlfriend?”
“Yes, your girlfriend! Or your date or your friend or – I don’t know what you’d define her as, but you know – Tonks!”
It suddenly clicked for Remus. “You think Tonks is my girlfriend?”
“‘Course she is,” you said knowingly.
Remus stared at you. “Why are you so sure about that?”
“Because,” you stated matter-of-factly, “I saw you two kiss in the kitchen.”
Remus inhaled rather sharply. It was a stroke of luck that there weren’t any flies nearby or else they would have suddenly found themselves zooming up his nostrils.
Seeing his expression and taking it as confirmation, you said sagely, “Yes, Remus, I know. You don’t have to pretend otherwise in front of me.”
Hoarsely, Remus said, “It was one kiss.”
“Sure,” you agreed, “but it wasn’t just the kiss. I mean, any two people can kiss. Besides, it was her birthday and she was drunk. Except you – It was the way you looked at her - ” Your eyes had slowly begun to slip down Remus’ tall frame throughout your little speech and by now, you were staring determinedly at his feet. “It was all warm. Like you were regarding her with – with love. You loved her. You love her. And why not? Tonks is wonderful. She really is. Her hair changes any color she wants it too, not like mine, where it was a dull blue for ages…”
Remus’ eyes flashed. “Is that why you changed your hair back?”
You flushed, realizing too late what you’d just admitted. But you held your ground and said firmly, “Remus, I don’t want to be the reason why the two of you fight or have a misunderstanding, especially when it’s taken you so long to accept your own happiness, Remus. I know how much you struggle with that.”
“But - ”
“I told you, when I saw you with your wolf spirit, I realized how lonely you must have been, even when you were with me. You couldn’t love him the way you should have, Remus. Because I couldn’t be there for you the way I should have. But now that you’re no longer a werewolf, you can have the life you want with Tonks, and I think that you should absolutely go for it - ”
All this time, Remus had been attempting to interrupt you by making little hand gestures, but you had steamrolled on in your surefire facts, spewing out a whole narrative for Remus. Finally, though, Remus had had enough of this incredible story of some version of his own life. Fed up with your nonsense, he grabbed you by the shoulders.
Upon seeing his furious expression, you suddenly fell silent. “Ah…”
“Are you finished yet?” Remus asked you brusquely.
“Um, um…” You stared at Remus with wide eyes. Seeing that he was upset, but not quite sure why, you offered a peace treaty by saying, “Well, you get to write the ending. It’s your life, after all.”
Remus let out a long, tortured sigh (this would have been the moment at which the poor fly would have been shoved right back out into the world). He had never had such a headache in all his life. Through gritted teeth, he spoke very deliberately. “Yes, it is my life, and I don’t appreciate you chalking it up to whatever story you happen to believe in.”
You cocked your head at him. “But I’m right, right?”
Remus growled, “How is it that you can figure out the Nine-Tailed Fox, but you can’t figure out me?”
Feeling wronged, you blurted out, in a flustered tone, “Honestly, she’s much easier to read than you. Listen, Remus, I’m only trying to look out for you!”
“I know that,” Remus said sharply. “I know.”
“Then – what’s the issue?”
Remus closed his eyes. When he did, he squeezed your shoulders tightly. Then, opening his eyes again, Remus said, “Forget about Tonks for a moment. Do you remember when we were lying down together in the attic and you were telling me to make a wish?”
You looked up at Remus curiously.
Remus prompted, “You knew that the Nine-Tailed Fox would grant my wish for me and you told me to focus on what I wanted most, right?”
“Oh,” you realized. “Yes, of course I remember.”
Remus asked you, in a serious voice, “Do you know what my wish was, Lovely?”
You answered at once. “To no longer be a werewolf.”
Remus shook his head.
“What? It wasn’t?” you said, entirely taken aback. “But I thought that that was what you wanted, most of all.”
“Of course I always wanted that, but…” Remus tensed slightly. “When you asked me for what I wished most, I couldn’t help but wish for something else.”
You bit your lip nervously. “What else could you have possibly wished for?”
Remus dropped his head for a moment. When he lifted his face again, you were startled by how much emotion was overflowing and clashing and breaking in those hazel eyes of his…
“What, Remus?” you whispered, suddenly frightened. “What did you wish for?”
Still holding onto your shoulders, Remus leaned down towards you and peered into your face as he confessed, “My wish, Lovely, was to be with you.”
#fanfic#fanfiction#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin#marauders#marauders era#harry potter imagine#foxtail and wolfsbane
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Foxtail & Wolfsbane 37
Summary: Your lifelong obsession to hunt down the Nine-Tailed Fox has not gone as expected, and seventeen years later, you find yourself coming back to the place where it all started: Hogwarts. However, with Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban and Headmaster Dumbledore’s hire of a certain Professor R. J. Lupin, you suddenly find yourself intertwined in the fates of those with whom you thought you had parted ways with long ago.
[Multi-Post Story] [Rowan Scamander x Reader] [Remus Lupin x Reader] [Young Sirius Black x Reader] [Tristan Graves x Reader] [Severus Snape x Reader] *Note: Rowan Scamander, Tristan Graves, Susana Holmes, Cas Carneirus, Henrietta Weiss, Thomas Picquery, and Magdalene Clarke are OC characters.
Note: Part 37 does not contain any smut.
*Please do not repost or copy my work without my permission. Thank You!
☾ Click Here for Foxtail & Wolfsbane Home Page (All Chapter Links) ☾
Percival Graves gazed at his son with quite a serious expression. “This pocket watch has been passed down from generation to generation, Tristan. It is the first artifact created that embodies all of the principles of the sorcery of metals. Now, as you know, mythical metals do many things - they can preserve energy, they can bind people together, and they can even create illusions. However, this watch is special, because it is the ultimate achievement of metal magic.”
“What does it do?” young Tristan asked, staring skeptically at the watch before him.
“It tells time,” Percival replied. “But not just any time. It tells you the timing of your fate. It tells you when your fate will come to meet you.”
“Isn’t that a curse?” Tristan wondered, suddenly afraid. “Why would we want to have that knowledge at all?”
“You’re right, son,” Percival agreed. “It’s not the kind of knowledge that is easy to reckon with. But I’ll tell you why it’s important. The value of knowledge does not lie within the information itself. It is what you do with it. And what we, as keepers of this ancient magic, do when our time is near, is we use the knowledge of our fate to protect others. We accept that our time has come and we face it head-on, so that others may slip away, unharmed.”
Tristan stared at his father, hating what he was hearing. Wasn’t his father, in essence, asking him to sacrifice himself when the time came? How dare they ask that of their own child?
Percival sighed. In fact, he and his wife, Mary, had never meant to have a child because the curse of this magic would be handed down to their child. Yet, they had been blessed with one, and they were so very fond of Tristan, for he was a clever child, if not a little too stern for his years.
Percival reached over and gently patted his son’s head. “I’m sorry, Tristan. Fate is a tall word, I know. And those of us who come to know this truth must find ways to stand even taller. Then, when we come full circle and meet fate, we meet it as equals and not as lesser.”
* * * * * * * * * *
Rowan turned the pocket watch over in his hand.
Cas and Susana had come by Grimmauld Place, though Susana had remained downstairs, in the doorway, while Cas came upstairs to find Rowan and very quickly tell him the news.
Rowan closed his eyes. How could he believe that Tristan was dead?
That arrogant prick was all about life, Rowan thought bitterly. Hell, he even told others how they should get on with their lives. He was the one that was telling me to do something with my life – to join the Order, to commit to a real relationship, to become a proper Magizoologist…
Rowan remembered the night that he and Tristan had shared drinks together. Tristan had said, “Believe me when I say that I don’t at all enjoy wasting my precious time arguing with you. I am asking you these questions because I am trying to get you to open up your thick skull, for once.”
Rowan traced the outline of the pocketwatch with his thumb as he wondered, Did Tristan purposefully have that conversation with me because he already knew that he heading towards death?
Rowan sighed heavily. God damn it – save the world all by yourself, did you? Go out like a hero, did you?
Just then, Rowan heard the sheets shuffle behind him. Right now, Rowan was sitting on the edge of your shared bed, repeatedly turning the pocketwatch over in his hand. Rowan had been taking care of you ever since he had brought you back from Topper’s Hill. You had fallen unconscious as Rowan carried you back. Rowan had stayed with you, to keep you warm. In fact, he’d covered your entire body with hot, pressing kisses, making you moan softly in your sleep. “Rowan,” you’d murmured, recognizing his loving kisses even in your half-sleeping state. You’d clutched at his hair as he’d made his way down your body, covering you all over with kisses. Soon, your body warmed up enough that your fox ears slipped back into nothingness. By that point, Rowan could tell that you were only sleeping.
It was somewhere around that time that Cas came knocking softly on the door and Rowan had to slip out. They had spoken quietly in the hall. But now, Rowan was back at your side, to make sure you were all right, even as he dealt with the shocking news of Tristan’s death.
Hearing the blankets shift, Rowan looked over his shoulder. He saw you, gazing up at him. Rowan could tell at once that you’d actually been awake for some time.
“You’ve been awake?” Rowan murmured.
You nodded. “Since I heard Cas knock on the door.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t want to interrupt,” you said softly, speaking in a whisper. “You seemed like you were deep in thought.”
Rowan reached out and gently touched your face, brushing your hair off of your forehead. “How are you feeling?”
Your eyes fell to the pocketwatch in Rowan’s other hand. “Never mind me. How about you? I heard what Cas said in the hallway. About… Tristan.”
Rowan gazed at you for a moment. You could see in his eyes that he was somewhere quite far away.
You quietly got up onto your knees. Shuffling forward on the bed, you said, “I know you’re angry with me, Rowan. I haven’t forgotten. I know I owe you some explanations. But could I hold you, at least for now? Even if you’re mad at me, I think you need someone right now.”
“I’m not angry with you anymore,” Rowan said softly. “What happened with Tristan – Well, I’d be a fool if it didn’t put things into perspective, right?”
You draped your arms around him. “I’m sorry, Rowan. He was a good man – truly as good as they come. I can’t believe he’s gone.”
“He was a good man,” Rowan murmured. “He protected you.”
“He did,” you agreed. “But he protected me because of you, I think. He loved you, Rowan.”
Rowan turned his face against your shoulder. “He was the most unbearable little prick when he was younger, you know. I was constantly looking out for him, getting him out of fights because he had such a sharp, stingy mouth. But then he became my friend, and then, somehow, somewhere, he outgrew me and he became an older brother to me.”
You soothingly rubbed his back. “He grew into himself – is that what you mean?”
“Yes.” Rowan lifted his face and looked at you. “I think the Nine-Tailed Fox chasing out the Obscurial from his soul had a lot to do with it. Tristan always used to be on edge and he was bitter about himself and his lot in life for a very long time. But everyone who was close to him could tell that it was because he was struggling with something, and that that wasn’t his real personality. Once he was rid of the Obscurial, it was like he came home to himself. He became a much lighter person.”
“The Nine-Tailed Fox is a fair spirit,” you murmured, thinking of both Tristan and Severus. “She gives as well as she takes.”
“I can see that,” Rowan agreed. “But I guess even the Fox’s help wasn’t enough to save Tristan.” He clutched the pocketwatch tightly in his hand. “I just can’t believe he’s gone. I could’ve sworn he’d outlast all of us.”
“I thought the same too,” you agreed.
You stayed with Rowan for a long time, simply holding him in your arms.
Finally, when evening fell, you noticed that Rowan looked very tired. His eyes were red from his silent crying. You realized that neither of you had drank or ate anything at all.
“I’m going to go get us some tea, all right?” you said. “I’ll be right back.”
You pulled on your bathrobe and slipped out, going down to the kitchen.
* * * * * * * * * *
When you left, Rowan tiredly fell back onto the bed. As he did, his hand naturally opened atop the sheet. He looked down to see that he was still holding onto Tristan’s pocketwatch.
What am I supposed to do without you? You were the only one who understood the weight of the inheritance I was both blessed and cursed with.
People think I’m good at faking it, at coming off charming. But you, Tristan Graves, are on another level. Pretending to be fine while knowing that you were going to die – you selfish bastard, how dare you trick us all like that? And if it wasn’t pretend, if you really were fine with the idea that you were going to die…
Rowan swallowed hard. How did you find that sense of peace within yourself? How were you okay with that? And how did you make it all seem so easy?
You were even more of a prodigy than me, and you didn’t even have parents beside you, the way I do, and you knew you could never be with the woman you loved, and yet you still held your peace and your grace. How…?
But even as Rowan wondered that, he heard Tristan’s voice in his head, giving an answer: “If you keep holding back because you’re afraid of disappointing the world, you’re going to lose all the things that are important to you.”
I have to commit to what’s important to me, and I have to be honest about it, Rowan realized. And I have to start now.
Rowan suddenly sat up. Commitment and honesty… towards what is most important to me…
* * * * * * * * * *
Remus, Sirius, Arthur, Molly, Bill, Tonks, and Emmeline were all gathered in the kitchen, discussing what the Order needed to do next.
You came in, intending to head quietly to the counter to prepare some tea.
Just then, the entire table jostled as someone hurriedly stood up, awkwardly interrupting the conversation at the table.
You instinctively looked up to see Remus, standing there, looking rather haggard. That soft, singular curl fell in front of his face. He hurriedly reached up and pushed it out of the way. Then, he opened his mouth and a hoarse murmur came out, as he said something you didn’t quite catch.
Sirius, who was sitting next to Remus, reached over and made him sit back down.
For a moment, you stood there at the doorway, feeling the hurt in your heart crash over you once again. You didn’t tell me. And I called you “cruel” – I didn’t mean to. It simply slipped out. But you are, you know.
Feeling the familiar frost coat your heart, you hurriedly looked away and made for the counter, turning your back firmly against Remus. I can’t deal with this right now. I have to take care of Rowan and I have to – I’m trying not to think about it, but I feel my own pain and my own grief at thinking that Tristan’s no longer with us. I think I relied on him much more than even I knew. He took care of everybody around him and he promised me that, if I was ever in trouble, he’d come track my pawprints all the way over to wherever I was. It was such a kind promise, and I believed him. And now, he’s gone…
The Nine-Tailed Fox spoke out from your soul, Little one, Tristan Graves passed away from this world on his own terms. Yes, we cannot see him anymore, but the bravery and honesty of his decisions means that he will forever remain with us, through our thoughts and our memories.
The Fox’s tails swished as she whispered, You cannot fathom this easily, because of your constrained notion of time, but death is truly merely a passageway into a wider world.
Like the mythical realm? you wondered.
Hm… The mythical realm, too, is merely a ghostly ship in the waters of the afterlife, the Fox told you. Now, mind the tea.
Huh?
You’re oversteeping it.
Oh! You made to grab the end of the tea bag thread when all of a sudden, Rowan entered the room. He walked in with such purpose that everyone stopped talking and looked at him. But Rowan ignored everybody and made a beeline straight for you.
“What are you doing down here? I’m almost done with the tea. I’ll bring it right up,” you told him, pulling the tea bag out of the teapot.
Instead of answering you, Rowan grasped you by the waist and turned you around, clearly asking you to look at him.
Surprised, you asked, “Is something wrong?”
Rowan steeled himself. His hands tightened on your waist, before he stated boldly, “Look, I know that you’re working through some things still – old wounds and the like– but I am, too. When I said that I didn’t believe in love, you accepted that about me. That can’t have been easy. And while I can’t pretend that your – your preference for someone else doesn’t affect me, I can work through that with you, as long as ultimately, you really want to be with me.”
You began to reach out to touch his face. He’s got such a good heart.
“Is that what you were thinking about?” you murmured. “You’re so kind. But you don’t have to make excuses for me. I’m sorry for all of it. I was in the wrong – of course I was. But right now, let’s just make sure you’re all right.”
But Rowan wasn’t finished quite yet. “I am all right. I’ve been all right, because I’m with you,” he replied. Then, he carried on and proposed, “Let’s get married.”
Your hand froze in the air and your eyes widened in shock. “Married?”
“Yeah.” Rowan stepped closer to you. He grasped your hand in his and squeezed it tightly. “Marry me.”
You stared up at Rowan, completely taken aback.
Rowan said hastily, “I know it’s sudden. But I want to commit to you. Don’t you… want the same with me?”
Rowan’s expression, so honest and vulnerable, almost pitifully so, tugged at every single one of your heartstrings. “Oh, Rowan, of course,” you murmured lovingly.
All of a sudden, an explosion of cheers and claps rang out. You and Rowan both whirled around, surprised by the outburst of noise as the two of you had all but forgotten that there were other people in the kitchen.
Molly cheered enthusiastically, “How wonderful! Congratulations!”
Bill whistled celebration; Tonks hollered and clapped loudly, and Emmeline held up her glass of water and let out a whoop.
“It’s just what we need, after such terrible news,” Bill said. “Congratulations, you two.”
Arthur beamed at you. “I’ll let your mother know then, shall I? I’m sure she’ll be pleased! After all – Rowan Scamander, that’s quite a catch, eh?”
Finally, at the very back, Remus gave a small smile as he raised his hands to join in on the clapping. Sirius followed Remus’ lead, but he shot Remus a concerned look.
As you stared out at the clapping and cheering group of people, you thought to yourself in a small, stunned voice, Oh. Oh, my.
* * * * * * * * * *
Blushing profusely, you managed to wrestle your tea set out of the throng of people trying to crowd around you to congratulate you. Finally, you brought the tea set back up to your and Rowan’s room.
Rowan came in after you, also having just escaped Molly’s many hugs and Tonks’ cheerful shoulder pats.
As you made to pour the tea (more to give yourself something familiar to do, so as to ground yourself than from any actual want of tea), Rowan came over to you.
“So?” Rowan pressed. “You didn’t actually answer me. What do you say?” He knelt beside your chair and put his hand on your shoulder. “You know, to being together? Properly, I mean.”
You slowly put the teapot down on the tray. Turning to Rowan, you tried to make the words come, you tried to say “yes” as a part of your heart truly wished to. Only, the words got all tripped up on the way and what came out was, “I – I - ”
Rowan’s eyes slowly dimmed. After a moment, his hand slipped off of your shoulder. “Oh.”
“Rowan,” you said hastily, “please - ”
Rowan got up off of the floor. With a heavy sigh, he fell back on the bed.
Abandoning the pretense of making tea, you quickly got up out of your chair and went over to the bed. You crawled on top of it, coming over to Rowan, as you begged, “Rowan, wait, please. I’m – I’m just – It’s so sudden - ” You reached for Rowan, trying to press your hand against his cheek.
Rowan caught your wrist and stopped you. “You’re right,” he murmured. “It was very sudden.” He pulled his hand away, letting your hand fall atop the bed, as he continued softly, “But that’s not the problem, is it?”
You sat there, chewing on your lower lip, unsure of what to say.
Rowan closed his eyes. Slinging his arm over his face, he breathed out tiredly, “So, it’s not simply something we can pass over, is it? Your feelings for him… I was right when I said that it wasn’t a mere fancy that you felt for him. If it was, we could work through it together. I know we could. We mesh rather well together, you know. We could get through most things.”
You nodded fervently. “Yes, of course we could! You’re so good with me, Rowan. You’re so good for me. You’re my friend and my protector and I owe you so much - ”
“But if it’s more than that,” Rowan continued knowingly, “if you truly feel for him, of course there’s nothing I can do about that – except get out of your way.”
You burst out, “Remus isn’t the one! Rowan, come on, I’m with you.” You clambered on top of him and pushed his arm off of his face. As Rowan opened his eyes, you kept speaking. The words tumbled out of your lips one after the other in quick succession, as you tried your very best to express the genuine and deep love that you had carried for him all of your life. “I’m yours. You were my first love and you’re my best friend and when I’m with you, I feel - I feel as safe and loved as I have ever felt in my life.” You tugged at his hand and made him press his hand to your chest, where, through your silk robe, he could feel the knotted scar on your chest.
“I wouldn’t be here without you,” you whispered, reminding him of the incredible depth of your gratitude towards him. “I couldn’t be more yours. Can’t you feel that?”
Rowan’s eyes glittered. He remained quiet as he stared up at you.
His silent stare broke you. You were nearly in tears as you pressed, “Why, why can’t you believe me? I keep saying I love you. In fact, I’m the one who says it to you all the time. You say you don’t even believe in love, but here I am, with you, loving you – and I even tell you so, all the time. So, why can’t you believe me?”
Rowan kept gazing at you.
“Rowan, how come you – how come you keep looking at me like you don’t believe me? I said I love - !” Unable to take it anymore, you burst into tears.
Rowan let out a soft sigh. He sat up. Reaching over, he tenderly wiped away your tears. In a low, pained voice, he murmured, “You know, if I was anyone other than your best friend, I could believe you.”
You blinked, and a few more tears escaped. “I said I love you,” you repeated feelingly, in a small voice.
Rowan’s hand came back to your face and he once again patiently wiped away your fresh tears. “Yeah, I hear you. It’s not that you’re trying to lie to me. You mean it, in your own way,” he acknowledged, as he swiped his thumb against your cheeks. “I know that. I’d be a fool not to feel your love for me.”
“Yeah, you would,” you agreed, hoping he’d catch on now.
Rowan’s hand drifted down your neck to your chest. He gently opened your robe, so that he could see your scar. “But you can’t hide from me. I know for a fact that there is a part of you that you cannot give to me.” He gently traced around your scar. “Remus Lupin… He’s the one responsible for the hollow in your soul, isn’t he?”
An icy blast suddenly flared up in your chest, right where Rowan was tracing. With a soft gasp, you pulled away and wrapped your robe tightly over your chest with trembling hands.
Rowan watched you with sad eyes. “I see it now. Remus Lupin is the reason the Nine-Tailed Fox was able to possess you in the first place, and it’s because you’re still in love with him that you can’t force the Fox out. I felt it when I saved your life – that I couldn’t gather all of your soul pieces and put you back together, even then, in that mythical realm. It all makes sense now.”
In a shivering, scared voice, you whispered, “What makes sense?”
Rowan’s eyes met yours. “That it’s not me you want to be with. It never truly was.”
You shook your head furiously. You grabbed Rowan’s arm and leaned into him heavily. Pressing yourself up against his warm body, staring up at his guarded, yet wonderfully thoughtful and compassionate brown eyes and seeing that familiar, boyish spray of freckles on his otherwise quite sharp and masculine face, you felt your heart crack open and spill over with love for him.
“Rowan,” you whispered fervently, “why would you say that? I’m telling you that it is you. Besides, Remus isn’t – He’s not - ” You struggled to put together what it was you wanted to say, and all of a sudden, you heard yourself burst out, “He didn’t even tell me the truth about himself!”
Rowan’s brow furrowed, as he suddenly lost track of what you were talking about. “What?”
“He didn’t even tell me that he’s a werewolf. That just proves how we never had a real relationship, how we never – How could he not tell me? When you and I, we tell each other everything. We’re so honest with each other. We’re as a couple should be. We let the other person help us whenever one of us needs it. You’ve helped me more than I’ve helped you, I know, and I feel guilty about that, but – but, you know, it means we trust each other. Whereas with Remus, he – he didn’t even tell me.”
Rowan watched you all throughout your outburst. Finally, he asked, “Well. Are you hurt because you’re disappointed by the fact that he’s a beast or are you hurt because he didn’t trust you enough to tell you?”
“What?” you said, shocked by how clearly Rowan pinpointed your feelings.
“Thought so,” Rowan murmured, seeing your heart at once. “His being a werewolf means nothing to you. You still want him. You’re just upset that he didn’t tell you the truth about himself because it means that he didn’t trust you as much as you trusted him.”
Your mouth fell open.
Rowan, seeing how hurt you were, tried to bring it back down by teasing you softly, even in a moment like this. He whispered tiredly, “See? Told you there are other creatures. When will you learn?”
At this, you shook your head at Rowan. Refusing to be sidetracked, you insisted, “Well – Well – Whatever Remus is, this is about you and me. I only – I only need some time. Yes, that’s what it is. Just some time. Can’t you do that for me? I know that I’m asking you for a lot. I know you’ve been by my side this whole time. But, would you stay just a little longer? Because that’s all it is – a need for time.”
“You’re speaking in circles, love,” Rowan pointed out.
“But it’s true,” you pressed. “All I need is some time. Then, we can get married. And you and I could be happy. You have my heart, Rowan, and I’d be so happy to have yours, when you’re ready to give it.”
A slow, affectionate smile appeared on Rowan’s face. It didn’t reach his eyes, not at all, for his gaze stayed somber. But he smiled softly at you as he said, “Come on. Who do you think I am? It’s like you said. I’m your best friend, your first love, and your love now.”
“Yes,” you agreed passionately. “Yes, you are.” You grasped Rowan’s face and, leaning forward, you kissed him quite heatedly.
Rowan kissed you back, but it was a tame, almost perfunctory kiss. When he finally drew back from you, he caught you by the shoulders, stopping you from kissing him again.
“But not your love for forever,” Rowan said. “Not even for much longer. In fact, not after… this moment.”
“Rowan,” you gasped softly, heartbroken.
Rowan suddenly dropped his hands away from you. He turned, shifting until his back was turned to you. In that moment, his careful, charming mask cracked entirely in front of you. Burying his head in his hands and pressing his palms hard to his eyes, Rowan whispered, in an altogether broken voice, “You know what kills me? It’s that, after all of these years - God, we were so close to our happiness.”
“Rowan, Rowan, Rowan,” you whispered, while pawing at his back. “Don’t cry. Look at me. Please, look at me.” Although you were telling him not to cry, you were crying as you desperately tried to get him to look at you.
Rowan got up from the bed and he grabbed his cloak, all without looking at you.
You fell back on the bed, sitting there on the sheets, clutching at the covers between your legs, unsure of what to do, while your face was an ugly, blotchy mess.
Rowan pulled on his cloak. He checked for his wand and the pocketwatch. He started to head for the door –
“Wait! Where are you going?” you called out.
Rowan took a deep breath before he looked over his shoulder at you. “I don’t know,” he confessed. He managed to pull together a weary smile for you, as he said, “But I’ll be all right. You take care of yourself now, little nymph. Don’t let that Fox get ahold of you, you hear me? Or else I’ll have to come back and bully you some more.”
You half-rose from the bed. With your hands out pleadingly before you, you whispered, “Rowan. Don’t leave…”
Rowan’s smile faded quickly. He blinked hard as his eyes sparkled with sudden tears. “Good-bye.”
Snap. The door snapped shut. Your hands fell to your side. Gone… Rowan was gone… The lion-line, sunfire soul that kept you safe with whiskey nights and cinnamon kisses, who would rather die than let down a single one of his many walls, yet broke them all down with his own hands to get to you each and every time you needed him… He was gone.
You meant to fall back on the bed, but, in your numb state, you slowly slipped off the edge, and you found yourself sitting on the floor.
* * * * * * * * * *
Late evening passed into a cold, dark night. Outside, the blustery winds whistled past the bleak walls of Grimmauld Place.
You were freezing cold. But you couldn’t find the strength within you to move.
What a strange world, you thought, not blinking as you stared at the bright silver moonlight curling up at our feet. When I asked to stay with Remus, he told me to leave. When I asked Rowan to stay, he left.
You were shivering all over. You hugged yourself tighter and buried your head against your arms. It’s… so cold…
* * * * * * * * * *
You were still awake when the sun came up. Although the sunlight came in dimly, your bedroom didn’t face east, so the room remained as dark and gloomy as ever.
Finally, still in your thin silk robe and a ragged pair of pajamas, you made your way out of the room. You wandered about, following the pattern of sunlight at your feet, which seemed to be growing stronger as you went further down the hallway.
All of a sudden, you realized why – the hallway opened up to a set of stairs. You slowly and carefully climbed it, only to find yourself in a small attic space.
You breathed out. A little piece of a familiar place. A place where I can dream and not be seen. Good, I’m home.
* * * * * * * * * *
It was Artemis who found you – and, on Artemis’ tail, there was Remus.
Remus had tried to keep his peace and do what Sirius had advised – namely, stay away from you.
All night, Remus had paced in his room. He wanted to congratulate you on your engagement with Rowan, but he couldn’t quite seem to find the heart to make it come off genuine. He even practiced in the mirror for a minute – fake-grinning stupidly at himself and trying equally terrible variations of “Congratulations!” but Remus swore that instead of sounding more genuine, he was simply beginning to sound more Irish. Throwing up his hands in defeat, Remus finally went to the dresser where he kept his pajamas. The nights were getting quite cold here. Remus tapped a small glass jar by his bed so that bluebell flames sprang up, but he also made to pull on a sweater.
It was as Remus was rummaging around for a sweater that his hand hit something quite small and fluffy. Frowning, Remus pulled it out – and then he realized what it was. Folding his hand over it, he thought, Perfect. This is it – the ice-breaker I need.
The next morning, Remus had come out into the hallway, only to see Artemis morosely wandering up and down a side staircase that Remus knew led up to the attic.
Remus frowned. “What’s got you in such a bad mood?”
Artemis didn’t say anything. She simply shuffled away. Actually, Artemis was depressed because she had tracked your scent from your bedroom all the way to the staircase but then, two things happened: one, your scent disappeared entirely at the entrance and two, Artemis couldn’t quite get the door open. As she lived in Grimmauld Place, Artemis had learned that if she stood on her rear legs and pressed her paws down on the doorknob, she could open just about any of the doors here. However, the attic door was set atop a very narrow step on the staircase and Artemis couldn’t rear up on her hind legs without slipping off the edge or knocking her head against the door.
“Have you been fed?” Remus wondered. “If not, I can bring you food and water.” He studied Artemis for a moment, only to remark, “But you look – well, don’t take this the wrong way now – but you look quite plump. I don’t reckon you’re hungry.”
Artemis ignored Remus and made to scramble up the steps again. When Remus started to follow her, Artemis sniffed the air before turning her head and giving Remus a displeased look. When you move, it stinks. Don’t follow me and stink up the hallway, please.
Remus stopped. However, he leaned over and craned his neck to see Artemis go up the staircase. He watched as she tried pitifully to get at the doorknob, only to fail again.
Remus sighed. He went up the staircase and, ignoring Artemis’ clear scowl (How does a fox scowl so clearly? he wondered vaguely.), he opened the attic door.
* * * * * * * * * *
When Remus saw you, he had to stop in his tracks. For you were staring up at the skylight and the sun was pouring down on you. The way that you were sitting, and the way that the sunlight graced you all over – Remus was struck by how you looked exactly as you did when he first saw you in the attic at Hogwarts.
She looks a mythical creature herself. Remus had thought that about you back then and he thought that about you now. The way the light dances around her – I’ve never seen the light be so bashful and playful around anyone else.
You didn’t seem to notice Remus at first. It was only when Artemis came over to you and pawed at your hand that you looked down and then, noticing Remus standing in the doorway, you turned to look at him.
Remus swallowed. Oh, wait. I wonder if she’s all right being in the same space as me. She must be disgusted by me now, knowing that I’m a werewolf.
“Is it all right that I’m here, with you?”
You nodded.
Remus cautiously stepped forward. “I promise I’ll speak briefly. I simply have something I need to say and something I need to return to you.”
You simply sat there and watched him.
“First of all, I wanted – I needed to tell you how sorry I am for all of the things I didn’t say to you. Of course, most importantly, I’m sorry for keeping my – my condition a secret from you. But there are other - ” Remus suddenly cut off. “Well, but that’s neither here nor there anymore. Which brings me to my second point – here.”
Remus stepped forward. He pulled something out of his pocket. A soft twinkle and the smallest of flashes glimmered before you as an old keychain – a foxtail keychain – dangled from Remus’ hand.
You blinked in surprise. “Isn’t that - ?”
“Yes. It’s yours. Your foxtail keychain.” Remus smiled ruefully as he recounted, “You and Sirius were fighting over it and it went flying. The Whomping Willow crushed it to pieces. I went back that day and fetched the pieces and put it back together for you.”
“Why didn’t you give it back then?” you wondered, as you reached up and took it from him.
Remus came and sat next to you, as he explained, “Well, when I went to give it to you, you told me that you thought that it was a good thing you lost it, that it was time for you to move on.”
Your eyes blinked, as you remembered that moment. Yes, that’s right. I had decided to move on from Rowan then.
“If you were trying to move on, I didn’t want to make you take this back. It could have been an unwanted reminder,” Remus said. “But now, well – it’s come full circle, hasn’t it? You’re engaged to him now. So, I thought it’d be a welcome reminder now – a reminder of how much he’s always meant to you.”
Your hand slowly closed over the foxtail keychain.
Remus paused. From the time he had first walked into the door and seen you, he felt that there was something slightly off about you, even beyond the wonderful light that you always seemed to emit. He couldn’t quite place it. He figured maybe it was all of the overflowing sunlight in here or that maybe you had been wary to respond to him given how upset with him you were. Sitting next to you like this, Remus was sure that there was something extremely different about you. Only, he didn’t know how to point it out without making you uncomfortable.
“Are you very angry with me?” Remus finally asked.
“I want to be,” you murmured. “But there’s too much going on.”
Oh, of course, I’m not that important to her anymore, Remus realized. Silly of me to think that she would keep spending her energy on me when she’s likely grieving over Tristan and when she’s going to be engaged.
Remus murmured, “Right. Well, I’m very happy for you. He’s a stable person. He’ll be a good partner, I reckon.”
You drew yourself up into a ball and rested your head atop your arms.
Remus frowned. Is it just me or does she look quite… pale? Is it because of the way the sunlight is coming down on her?
Just then, you murmured, while your eyes slipped closed, “He appears that way, doesn’t he? But he’s just like you, Remus - He has more love in his heart than he knows what to do with.”
Remus didn’t quite know how to answer that question.
It didn’t matter, however, as you went on to say, “But now you have Tonks, so I’m sure your feelings will find a home.”
Remus opened his mouth, but he still wasn’t sure what to say. He wracked his brains to try to think of a neutral answer, but he ended up just nodding his head in reply.
You didn’t even see him, as your eyes were shut. You mumbled, in a soft, but very melodic voice, “Remus, I’m sorry to ask this of you, but I’m feeling rather tired. Would you mind if I were to lie down?”
Remus hesitated. She’s truly ill, isn’t she? Her cheeks and lips are pale. She looks exhausted. She didn’t look this way before, even just yesterday evening, when I saw her in the kitchen. What’s happened to her?
Worried, Remus suggested, “Should I bring you a blanket, perhaps? You seem cold.”
“No,” you replied at once. “I simply want to lie down.”
Remus shuffled over, so you could lie down. You did, tiredly falling over and lying within the wide circle of light that was coming in through the sunlight. You closed your eyes at once.
Remus, not satisfied with your answer that you were fine, reached out and managed to grab Artemis, who had been sniffing at the cardboard boxes in the corner.
Artemis started to let out a mew of protest when Remus whispered in her ear, “Bring a blanket. And my wand, please.”
Artemis pawed at Remus’ chest, clearly wanting to be set free. Remus let go of her. Artemis raced off.
Remus turned back to you. He remarked, as easily as he could, “Your hair’s back to blue, I see.”
“Hm? Oh. I s’pse it is.”
Remus gazed at you, for a far longer time than he had allowed himself to in the many years that had passed since the two of you had been together. It was relief, to be able to look at you without having to hide his own face. However, the relief only lasted for an instant. Remus was now entirely sure that there was something not quite right with you. Your very features seemed to have changed: your cheekbones, nose, and lips were decidedly delicate, and your body literally glowed with a subtle silver light that could not be easily attributed to sunlight. Besides that, not only was your hair back to blue, but it was had to be several inches longer than just last night.
“You - ”
“What?”
Remus chewed on his lower lip for a moment, before he said, with caution, “You don’t seem fully like yourself. Are you all right?”
At this, your eyes fluttered open. Unexpectedly, you gave Remus a soft smile. “If I asked you to lie down beside me, would that be too strange?”
Remus shook his head. Slowly, he lay down next to you. He stared up at the skylight and he found that the sudden glimpse into the vast sky beyond made him dizzy. He shut his eyes tightly.
“Are you uncomfortable?” you wondered, seeing his expression. “It is too strange, after all, isn’t it?”
Remus turned to his side, so that he could look at you instead of the sky. “No, it’s not strange. This is all we used to do, some time ago. Don’t you remember? Back in our school days, in that hiding place of yours. You’d pore over books about the Nine-Tailed Fox. She was merely a myth back then, wasn’t she?”
“She’ll return to being a myth very soon.”
Remus paused. “What do you mean by that?”
“Remus,” you murmured, “wish for what it is that you want. Wish real hard, all right?”
“What?”
You stiffened slightly and you took a long, shuddering breath. Through a soft, almost trembling voice, you repeated, “Close your eyes and think of what it is you want most. Please.”
Remus frowned. He got up onto his elbow and reached over to touch your face. When his fingertips brushed over your cheeks, Remus shivered. You were colder than ice. Remus was now beyond worried about you. Keeping his voice to a whisper so as not to upset you, yet speaking quite urgently, he said, “I don’t mean to be overbearing, but are you sure you don’t want me to bring you something? My coat, perhaps? Or a - a cup of tea?”
You gazed up at the sky through the skylight, as you murmured back, “I’m sure. Please don’t go anywhere. Just think about your wish.”
Just then, Artemis entered the room, pushing her way through the half-open door. She’d brought a blanket with her and she’d brought – not Remus’ wand, but your wand.
“Good fox,” Remus breathed out, relieved. He put the blanket over you. But when he reached for Artemis’ wand, she snarled at him. Dodging’s Remus outstretched hand, Artemis instead disappeared under your blanket as she snuggled up to you, with your wand still clamped in her mouth.
You absent-mindedly petted Artemis, though she whined when she felt how cold your hand was. Artemis also kept sniffling and burying her nose against you. She just couldn’t seem to pick up your scent and it was worrying her.
“Are you thinking about your wish, Remus?” you asked.
Remus frowned. “My wish?”
“Yes, your wish. Your deepest, most desired wish.”
“Why are you asking me to think about my wish?”
You reached over Artemis and took Remus’ hand in yours. Your hand felt even colder than your cheek. “Please, do me this one last favor. Think about your wish.” Before Remus could respond you suddenly breathed out, in a very shaky voice, “Remus, I’m so g-glad you’re h-here with me. I’m so very t-thankful.”
Your eyes fell onto Remus. Remus’s brow furrowed as he realized that they weren’t your eyes at all. Your irises were pure silver.
Remus grasped your hand tightly in his. “Lovely, what’s wrong? Please, tell me. This isn’t like you. You’re so cold, and – and you don’t even look like yourself.”
Frost began to appear all over your body, including your hands.
Remus gasped in horror. He had seen this before. “Lovely - !”
You interrupted him in a soft, gentle voice, as light as winter air. “Your wish, Rem. She’ll grant it for you.”
Remus made to hug you, to pull you into his arms, so he could warm you and stop the frost from taking over your body. But you’d closed your eyes and fallen back onto the floor already. And as Remus reached for you, he found Artemis somewhat in the way. Before he could reach around her – FLASH!
There was the most brilliant, blinding flash of silver light. It filled the whole room, defeating even the skylight. In fact, the skylight cracked and then broke with a loud shatter. Glass shards rained into the room, and a fierce wind came surging into the room.
With a cry, Remus fell backwards. He could hear Artemis yelping, but he couldn’t see her. He couldn’t see you, either.
“Lovely!” Remus shouted, fighting against the wind. “Where are you!?”
Remus tried to get onto his feet, but an icy wind, not as strong as the wind surge, but far colder and broader, roared to life and blasted through the attic. He was knocked back onto the floor. As his head hit the attic floor, Remus found himself having all sorts of vague thoughts:
Lovely, got to get to Lovely…
What’s going on?
This strange, wintery magic…
She asked me to think about my wish. My deepest, most desired wish.
Snowflakes swirled before his eyes. Remus tried to reach up, but his arm felt so heavy.
My consciousness is… going, he realized. But I – I’ve got to get to Lovely. I want to… I want to be with Lovely…
Remus’s vision slowly fizzled out, and he sank into a strange sea of darkness, where flashes of silver lights kept jumping out of the dark waves. It took him a moment to realize, in his sleep, that those flashes weren’t actually lights, but tails.
Two children, safe in an attic, with one teaching the other a Patronus Charm to try to cheer her up after she had been cruelly bullied that day. He held her in his arms, and she cried out bravely, “Expecto Patronum!”
A silver figure sprouted from the end of her wand and then dashed about the room. Slowly, the two children began to recognize the creature.
“That was a fox, wasn’t it? How many tails - ?”
“Nine of them… Nine Tails! We were the first ones to see the Nine-Tailed Fox! We saw it together!”
The one figure caught the other, and the one that was being held murmured, “You have… really nice hands…”
Hands… to hold her with… Where is she? I want to hold Lovely…
* * * * * * * * * *
Sly, silver eyes blinked open from behind a powerful spray of flashing silver tails – one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine – yes, she was finally a full-fledged Nine-Tailed Fox.
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Foxtail & Wolfsbane 38
Summary: Your lifelong obsession to hunt down the Nine-Tailed Fox has not gone as expected, and seventeen years later, you find yourself coming back to the place where it all started: Hogwarts. However, with Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban and Headmaster Dumbledore’s hire of a certain Professor R. J. Lupin, you suddenly find yourself intertwined in the fates of those with whom you thought you had parted ways with long ago.
[Multi-Post Story] [Rowan Scamander x Reader] [Remus Lupin x Reader] [Young Sirius Black x Reader] [Tristan Graves x Reader] [Severus Snape x Reader] *Note: Rowan Scamander, Tristan Graves, Susana Holmes, Cas Carneirus, Henrietta Weiss, Thomas Picquery, and Magdalene Clarke are OC characters.
Note: Part 38 does not contain any smut.
*Please do not repost or copy my work without my permission. Thank You!
☾ Click Here for Foxtail & Wolfsbane Home Page (All Chapter Links) ☾
The night that Rowan left was simultaneously one of the longest and shortest nights of your life. Sitting there, before the moonlight, you felt the frost begin to solidify around your heart.
Rowan, my sunfire spirit, you were right to leave, but I can’t stand how much I miss you already. How can I reckon with the fact that I hurt you, used you, betrayed you? I hate myself for hurting you. You’re my heart. You always have been, and you always will be.
Remus, my fellow moon-born soul… Loving you is like standing in the rain. Effortless, but melancholy. I can’t help the fact that you’re a runaway part of my soul. Even if you ruin me in your kind, gentle ways, you’re my soul, and I’ve got to let you be. I’ve got to keep you as whole as I can, no matter how you feel about me.
The Fox, hearing all of your thoughts, whispered, Oh, little one, how miserable you are. You’ve lost to the hollow in your heart. We’ve reached my nine hundredth birthday, after all.
Happy Birthday.
No. Don’t you realize - ?
I do realize. Are you allowed to tell me what will happen to me?
You will no longer exist.
Yes. But how will I go?
The Fox blinked at you. Her still-eight tails flickered behind her uneasily. But then, trailing after the eighth tail, the ghostly shape of a ninth tail was beginning to appear. I wonder, as a human with no understanding of the after-realm, how can you speak of your own death so easily?
It’s not easy. But Mum’s okay now. My little brother has always been fine without me. Rowan has his family and his creatures. Remus has Sirius and Tonks. And after all, I found you – my Nine-Tailed Fox. Yes, I dreamt of you and then I found you. What more could I ask for?
But I’m to take your life…
I know. You let out a long, shuddering breath. All of those days and nights I spent at Hogwarts, staring out that window, dreaming about seeing the Nine-Tailed Fox and wondering about how my life would begin. Now, I’m still staring out a window, all alone, but my dream about the Nine-Tailed Fox is over and I’m wondering how my life will end. Is this happiness or is this darkness?
Child, you’re lost, the Fox murmured mournfully. You’re irredeemably lost.
I’ve been this way my whole life. You fell quiet for a moment, before you said, in your mind, I’ve been thinking, when Tristan passed away…
Yes?
When Tristan passed away, he was able to do so on his own terms. You said that yourself.
Yes, that’s true.
Can’t I do the same?
What do you mean?
Instead of just thinking of death as a passive thing, can’t I make a deal with you?
That’s an interesting thought. The Fox pondered your words. I don’t see why not. After all, I am allowed to give energy in exchange for energy. And through you, I will be receiving my greatest burst of energy of all – my ninth tail. I will become infinitely stronger. Actually, I will become immortal at the moment my ninth tail appears. However, how could I grant your wish, when you will no longer exist? There cannot be ‘your’ wish, if you do not exist, and you will not survive, as I have warned you many times.
It’s not for myself that I want to have a wish, you explained. It’s for someone who will survive, even when I’m gone.
Who? The Fox’s eyes widened. Don’t tell me it’s -
Remus Lupin.
The Fox sighed. She folded her paws neatly, one on top of the other, as she warned you, But his wish has to be your wish, too, little one. Are you sure you know what his wish is?
Yes, of course I do. To no longer be a werewolf.
This was the bargain you struck with the Fox.
* * * * * * * * * *
When morning came, you found your way up to the attic to receive some sunlight and warmth, but also because, in your heart of hearts, you somehow knew that Remus would find you up there.
We always have the same hiding spaces, you thought nostalgically. It hadn’t been enough to bring you together in this lifetime, but you prayed that it would be enough to bring you together for this one, last important moment.
Sure enough, Remus showed up. He entered cautiously, asking, “Is it all right that I’m here, with you?”
You nodded in reply, even though it hurt to move by that point because you were so cold. Your joints protested against any movement and every heartbeat felt slow and painful. Still, you were happy when Remus came beside you. You were able to have your moment to stare up at the faraway sun, even as it felt so far away now that it no longer provided any warmth, for the frost had completely captured your heart.
You could feel Remus’ gentle, careful gaze at you. He was watching over you, as he always did.
He remarked quietly, “Your hair’s back to blue, I see.”
“Hm? Oh. I s’pse it is.”
You remembered what the Nine-Tailed Fox had once told you about her true appearance and how, before, the woman that appeared with the long, silver hair and blood-red lips was actually the appearance of the succubus and how the Nine-Tailed Fox’s nymph form was actually far more delicate and playful, with blue hair and thin features, not unlike your usual appearance.
She’s so like me that even though I’m turning into her, I simply look like myself, you realized. But that blue hair isn’t actually mine. I never dyed my hair back. It’s the Nine-Tailed Fox’s nymph form. She’s finally taking over me, once and for all.
Inside of your soul, you felt the Fox growl and begin to stretch her limbs. Her power was calling to her. Your vision began to go white at the edges. You were finding it difficult to breathe. Knowing that your time was running out, you instructed Remus, “Wish for what it is that you want. Wish real hard, all right?”
You heard Remus ask, “What?”
“Close your eyes and think of what it is you want most,” you told him. “Please.”
Just then, you felt Artemis brush up against you. My worldly fox, you thought fondly. I’ll miss you.
Artemis buried her head against you and you felt your wand in her mouth, poking into your stomach. Well, it’s yours to have now, little fox, you thought, smiling weakly even as you were trembling all over with cold and fear.
Remus tried to drape a blanket over you, but it was far too late to feel warmth.
I’m going, you realized. Oh, Merlin, I’m - I’m… I’m terrified. Trying to be brave, you squeezed the foxtail keychain that Remus had returned to you tightly in your hand. You whispered to the Nine-Tailed Fox, I’ve got your tail, right here.
Child, it’s not the time to make jokes.
I know, but I can’t help it. I’m scared. Can you tell me where I’m going?
No, but I can tell you, child, that I’ll guide you to a peaceful place myself and make sure you sleep well for all of the years to come.
You will?
Of course, my little one. Now, close your eyes. Your ship of winds awaits.
Out loud, you murmured one last time to Remus, “Your wish, Rem. She’ll grant it for you,” while in your mind, you prayed fervently, Take care of Remus, please.
The Nine-Tailed Fox promised, His wish will come true. Then, she stood up and, drawing back her lordly head, she let out a powerful roar.
The blast of power shattered the very sky above you and the heavens rained down upon you, snow and glass and pieces of broken dreams. But then, lo and behold, nonsensically, beyond the broken sky, there was a sea – a silver sea with dark waves, and ships in bottles riding the waves.
You heard a distant cry of “Lovely!” Only, it was too late for any earthly savior to reach you.
Instead, the Nine-Tailed Fox wrapped your bloodied, glass-cut body up in her full nine tails and the first thing that she did as a fully-fledged Nine-Tail Fox was to take you up to the heavens. She jumped from bottle to bottle until she found a steady ship for you. She began to use her magic to open the bottle when she paused –
The Nine-Tailed Fox frowned. She felt her magic pulling in all different directions. Oh, child, she thought, I told you that you shouldn’t assume what others wished for. I have to let you go now.
Well, the Fox thought to herself, I suppose we shall see each other again, someday. You already know where to look now. With that, she released you from her tails. You fell – away from the seas and back through the broken sky.
The Fox closed her eyes. Well, then, come on, little fox. You’ve called to me so, your whole life. I’ll take you instead.
* * * * * * * * * *
A world of mist – swirling ships. You kept calling out to them to take you, but none of them would stop.
“Wait! Please! I’m supposed to be onboard already!” you yelled, waving your hand at them.
Ignoring you, they kept passing by.
Finally, you became so frustrated that you ran towards the end of the dock. Right as you got towards the end, a ship approached. You jumped as high as you could and yelled, “Here! Here! I’m supposed to be a passenger! Ple - !”
Your cries cut off as your foot slipped. You tumbled from the pier.
You gasped in shock as you fell into the dark, chrome-colored waves. Your gasp cost you, unfortunately, for you let escape the last bit of air you had in your body. You watched with wide, terrified eyes as the last bubble blossomed upwards in the water and floated away.
Just before it reached the surface and popped, it turned into the moon. Oh, you thought, I can see the full moon, even from the bottom of the ocean. I never would have guessed that. You mused, a full moon… I wonder if Remus is all right.
You brought your hands up and pressed them over your heart. I suppose it’s my time to… go now. I’ll leave the rest to you then. Happy Birthday, my Nine-Tailed Fox.
* * * * * * * * * *
One week later.
“Moony. Oi, Moony, wake up.”
Remus tiredly lifted his head. Sirius had come into the room, carrying a glass of water. Behind him, Tonks peered nervously at Remus. “You look terrible,” she remarked.
Remus gave her a wan smile. “Thanks. You always let me know when I’m looking shabby.”
“Sorry,” Tonks said quickly.
“No, I appreciate it,” Remus replied, and he meant it. But then, he let out a long sigh. “There’s nothing I can do about it, though.” Gesturing at you, he murmured, “I won’t leave her side until she wakes.”
Sirius handed Remus the glass of water. “I know you don’t want to leave her side, but you have to take care of yourself. Drink up.”
Remus chugged the water. As he did, he reached out with his other hand to touch your wrist. “A steady pulse. But still asleep,” he murmured, staring at your sleeping face.
Sirius gazed at you for a moment. “Remus, what the hell happened in there? In the attic.”
Remus shook his head back-and-forth, trying to make sense of his scrambled memories. “I don’t know. It’s difficult to explain. There was a gush of wind and the skylight suddenly shattered – or else, did the skylight shatter first? I can’t remember. It all happened so quickly.”
“All right,” Sirius said. “Well, we can’t worry about it anymore. The full moon is tonight. Have you taken your potion?”
“Yes. I’ve already prepared the room for my transformation, too.”
“Good. Dumbledore’s asked Pomfrey to come and check on the fox girl anyways, but while Pomfrey’s here, maybe we could ask her to treat you tomorrow morning.”
“I’m fine, Sirius. And I don’t care about my – I just – I need to know if she’s all right, if she’ll wake up again.”
“I know it’s hard, Moony. But we’ve got to be patient.”
Remus let out a short, harried sigh. “Where’s Scamander? We should tell him, if someone hasn’t already.”
Tonks blinked uncertainly. “Remus, didn’t you know? Scamander’s gone.”
“What?”
“He left a note for Dumbledore and Moody, explaining that he’s dissolving his allyship with the Order. I believe he left last night.”
“He left?” Remus said, surprised. “But I thought they had just gotten engaged. Why would he leave…? Wait, you don’t think his leaving her is what put her in this state?”
“I don’t know, Remus.” Tonks nodded at you. “I reckon she’s the only one who can really tell us what happened to her. And for that to happen, she needs to wake up first.”
“Yes.” Remus, who was now holding your hand in his, leaned forward and whispered to you, “Please wake up. Please.”
* * * * * * * * * *
Remus hadn’t left your side since he’d gained consciousness himself, but tonight, he had to, because it was the night of the full moon. Tonks made sure that he was comfortable and gave him a reassuring hug.
Once Tonks left, Remus locked the door from the inside. He sat on the floor and waited for the terrible transformation to begin.
Remus often wondered what the creator of the Wolfsbane Potion had been thinking when he created the potion. Truly, it spares us werewolves from being the beasts we are, Remus thought. But I wonder if the creator realized how nightmarish it is to feel yourself change physically and psychologically – not just into a different kind of human, which would be scary enough, but into a complete beast.
When the clock struck nine o’clock, Remus clenched his fists and waited for the transformation to begin. He waited for that tearing, aching, and burning pain to take over all of his bones and joints as his human body was torn to shreds and grotesquely rearranged and lengthened to form the animalistic figure of a beast.
Just get through it, Remus told himself, as he did every full moon. But this time he added on, Just get through it, and get back to Lovely as fast as you can.
Remus shut his eyes and waited… waited… waited…
When the clock struck ten o’clock, Remus’ eyes finally flew open. His eyes first looked at the clock and then searched the calendar pinned on the wall. Night time, ten o’clock, night of the full moon…
Remus looked down at his hands. These are my hands… my human hands… He slowly opened them. Why aren’t I turning? He was too scared to move, scared that, for whatever illogical reason, his moving about would trigger his transformation.
Ten o’clock became eleven became midnight… Finally, it was three o’clock in the morning.
Heart thundering and joints aching from sitting in the same position for hours, Remus got up from the ground. He walked towards the mirror, more than a little afraid of what he might see as his reflection.
When Remus looked into the glass, his mouth fell open. It’s… me. Just me. How come I’m not a wolf yet? He reached up and touched his own face, in total disbelief. What’s going on? How can this be?
Your last, gentle whisper flashed through his mind: “Your wish, Rem. She’ll grant it for you.”
Remus’ brow furrowed. My wish? Who’ll grant it for me? The Nine-Tailed Fox? But in exchange for what? Mythical creatures don’t go around doing whatever humans wish. There must have been some trade going on – Remus suddenly inhaled sharply. Did Lovely trade a part of herself to save me?
Remus made to burst out of his room, to go to you, but he realized that it was still night time. He didn’t trust his own luck enough to wager your safety, even though he felt like his heart was going to burst from want of answers. He was so worried, utterly terrified, in fact, that you really had given something of yourself up to save him, when he felt that he didn’t deserve you, after all of the secrets he had kept from you…
Remus paced furiously back-and-forth, waiting for the barest hint of sun to come up so he could go to you. Though, Lovely’s still asleep, he thought. She hasn’t woken up yet. Oh, God, what could she have done? What could she have traded for my humanity? Oh God, oh God, oh God… Please don’t let me be the reason she won’t wake up.
* * * * * * * * * *
Three weeks later.
Rowan stepped into the mythical realm. A figure dressed in a pink cloak accompanied him, walking a little ways behind him.
The figure dropped back her hood and she stared at the sky with bright eyes. “So, this is where all your creatures are,” Magdalene said. “When I stopped by to visit your parents, your father kept going on about how he missed them. I didn’t understand where they could have gone. But now, I know.”
“Yeah,” Rowan said. “Just don’t ask me too many questions about this place.” He put two fingers in his mouth and let out a loud whistle.
Nula, the Zouwu, came bounding in from the mountains, clearing huge distances with only a few energetic leaps. Her beautiful tail made it look like a rainbow was bouncing across the mountains, towards Rowan and Magdalene. Frank, the Thunderbird, circled the sky a couple of times before descending gracefully before Magdalene. Sil, the Occamy came from a bough of silvery-white flowers in a nearby tree, slowly floating towards Rowan.
Magdalene immediately took several steps back. “That’s the thing that fit into my purse and scared the bejeezus out of me that one time, isn’t it?”
Rowan smirked. “Well, yes, that would be him. Good ol’ Sil.”
Rowan took his time with each of them, patting them and speaking to them exactly how they liked to be greeted. Magdalene was quite wary of creatures herself, but she couldn’t help except smile when she saw how good Rowan was with them. Rowan hugged Sil and buried his face against his scales. “Missed you, Sil.”
Sil hugged Rowan back with the end of his tail, squeezing him.
Rowan reached out with his other hand and petted Nula on her fantastical mane. Nula purred and for a moment, the huge Zouwu simply sounded like a tiny kitten.
Frank cocked his head at Rowan. Rowan slid out of Sil’s hug (with some difficulty) and came over to Frank. “Frank, how are you? My father misses you so, but I have to say, I think I missed you even more.”
Frank cawed softly in reply.
Rowan looked at all three of them. “I’ve a question to put to all of you, and I don’t reckon it’s an easy one. Would you like to stay here or go back with me? If you go back with me, you might not be able to come back here, to this mythical realm that you all love so much. But if you stay here – well, I’ll try to visit as often as I’m able, but I don’t know how often that’ll be. It might be never, if I’m honest.”
Rowan tried not to show his emotions as he said, as calmly as he could, “But I know how much you all like it here. I don’t want to take you away from your new home, if that’s what this has become for you. So, I’ll leave it up to you.” He took out his pouch, opened it, and placed it on the ground. “Here. I’ll turn my back and count to one hundred, all right? If you’re by the pouch, I’ll take that as you wanting to go back with me. And if you’re not, we’ll – we’ll say good-bye for now. All right?”
Rowan walked away and shut his eyes. “All right, here goes. One, two, three…”
Magdalene watched. She clasped her hands together and prayed.
“Thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two…”
“Rowan.”
Rowan paused. “What, Mag?”
“Turn around.”
“Huh?”
“I said, turn around!”
Rowan turned around. Frank, Sil, and Nula were all waiting patiently by the pouch.
“Really? You all – You all want to come back home with me?” Rowan said, overwhelmed.
Sil seemed to give a sly wink, Nula let out the Zouwu equivalent of a happy giggle, and Frank poked his beak at the pouch as if to say, Well, come on, then.
Rowan ran over to the pouch and opened the mouth of it as wide as he could. Frank swooped in first, followed by Nula, who bounded in, tails rattling happily as she dove in, and then Sil, who purposefully seemed to make himself just big enough that Rowan had to reach in and give him a little shove at the end.
Magdalene came over to him. “Thank Merlin,” she said. “I didn’t know how I was going to deal with you if they decided to stay.”
Rowan rolled his eyes at her. “Couldn’t just be nice, could you? Couldn’t just say ‘I’m happy for you’ and leave it at that?”
Magdalene grinned. “Well, I’m oh-so-happy for you, Scamander. There. Good enough?”
“Let’s get out of here,” Rowan said. “I don’t fancy getting caught in another time skip.”
Rowan and Magdalene made for the entrance together, when suddenly, Rowan spotted two silvery figures bounding about, zigzagging here and there among the wintery meadows. He hesitated. “Wait. What is that?”
Nervous, Magdalene immediately stepped closer to Rowan. “Shouldn’t you know? I’m not the expert here.”
Rowan peered closer at the two, lithely running figures jumping about.
“Rowan? Hello? Can we get out of here, please? You said something about a time skip, and I do not want to get any older than I already am,” Magdalene said, poking at Rowan. “You’ve got your creatures, and I need to head back so I can live my twenties and thirties in full glamour, please.”
Rowan snorted. “You and your ‘full glamour.’ For Merlin’s sake. All right. Let’s get out of here.”
But then, Rowan stopped. “Wait, there was one more thing I wanted to do.”
Magdalene sighed heavily. “What, Rowan? What more is there in this strange place - ? Oh.” She fell quiet when she saw Rowan pull Tristan’s old pocketwatch out of his pocket.
“I want Tristan to be remembered for eternity. He deserves the glory,” Rowan murmured quietly. “Someone like me – Well, I should be forgotten, I think. It’s not that I’m not trying, but I can’t make heads or tails of what I’m supposed to do with my life. But Tristan… Well, he was a smug bastard through and through, but he really got all the important things right.”
Rowan knelt down and pointed his wand at the ground. “Accio.”
A flower burst out of the ground and a small hole opened up. Rowan placed the pocketwatch in the hole. He waved his wand again, and a small mound appeared before the flower, covering up the pocketwatch entirely.
Magdalene bowed her head before the small grave, paying her respects to Tristan.
When Rowan got up, he said, in a small, heavy voice, “All right. Let’s leave.”
Magdalene put her hand on his broad shoulder. “You did good by him, Rowan, and you’re doing good by the world, I promise you. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
The two of them began to step out of the golden slit, to head back to the real world.
“Thanks, Mag,” Rowan murmured, as he stepped through.
Magdalene went after him, asking him eagerly, “Besides that, how did you do all that magic with just ‘Accio?’”
As they landed back in the real world, Rowan replied, “It’s all about intentions. It’s easy, really. Although, I’ll tell you now, you can’t achieve that kind of magic if you’re striving for a ‘full glamour’ lifestyle.”
Magdalene thought hard about this. Finally, she asked, “Well, what about ‘partial glamour,’ huh? Could I get your type of magic then?”
Rowan shook his head and laughed at her. It was a small, soft laugh, but it was the first time he’d laughed in weeks.
* * * * * * * * * *
Five weeks later.
It was the night of the second full moon since the Nine-Tailed Fox had disappeared and you had fallen into a coma. Remus had locked himself in his bedroom. Tonight, he hadn’t taken the Wolfsbane Potion. Sirius was with him tonight, in his Padfoot form.
Remus stared at Padfoot anxiously. Padfoot whined softly, trying to comfort Remus.
“D’you think we’ve fortified the room enough?” Remus asked. “I can’t – I can’t quite remember how vicious I get when I’m a full werewolf, but from what I remember from the Shrieking Shack, I could get very - ” he swallowed “ – very violent indeed.”
Padfoot barked and shook his head at Remus.
Remus blinked slowly, feeling incredibly anxious. The last glow of the sunset began to fade from the horizon and the room went pitch-black.
* * * * * * * * * *
At dawn, both Remus and Sirius, in their human forms, stared at each other.
“Holy hell,” Sirius croaked out, “it’s true.”
“I didn’t transform at all?” Remus confirmed. His legs felt shaky.
“Not even a little bit. I was watching over you all night.” Sirius came over to Remus and grasped his arm. “You’re not a werewolf anymore, Moons.”
“I think it was Lovely,” Remus blurted out. “It had to have been her.”
At this, Sirius’ brow furrowed. He agreed with Remus that this had probably been your doing, but he could see how much it was tormenting Remus, to think that you had hurt yourself to save himself.
“Still,” Sirius pressed, “you’re not a werewolf anymore, Remus. This is – This is beyond huge. It’s going to change your life. The jobs you can get now, and your health will be much better – it’s the life you’ve always deserved, but now you can have it, Rem.”
“Yes,” Remus said, and his voice trembled with what all of this meant, “you’re right. But think about it, Padfoot, what if, in order to save me, she gave up her life - ?” He cut off suddenly and buried his head in his hands.
* * * * * * * * * *
Six weeks later.
Sirius sighed. “Moony, you’ve got to stop beating yourself up. If she did choose to save you, it was her choice.”
Remus was back at your bedside. He looked even more haggard than before. Ironically, he looked more wolfish now, when he was fully human, than he ever had when he was a werewolf. His eyes were red, his lips were cracked, and his cheekbones were too dramatic, as his face had become gaunt with anxiety over the past week. He was in abject misery, thinking that you might have put yourself in this state for his sake.
Wake up, he begged, wake up, wake up. Tell me how to give back to you what you gave me. Tell me how to save you. I can’t take this – I can’t, can’t, can’t. Please wake up!
* * * * * * * * * *
Seven weeks later.
Knock, knock.
“Who’s there?” Tina opened the door, only to see her son standing on the doorstep. “Rowan?”
Rowan held up his pouch. “I’ve brought everyone back.”
“Oh!” Tina smiled in relief. “Well done. Come inside. Your father will want to see for himself, of course.”
“Right.”
Just then, another voice rang out, “Who is that, Tina?” And a second later, Queenie appeared.
Rowan smiled bravely at his aunt. “Hi, Aunt Queenie.”
But as soon as she read his mind, Queenie’s eyes went wide. “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.”
“What - ?” Tina began asking, but Rowan had already burst into tears and Queenie had rushed forward to hug her nephew tightly in her arms.
“You even - You even warned me about it,” Rowan said, speaking past his tears. “That day, when I made to chase after her, you grabbed me and stopped me at the doorway. You told me that - that, when you read our minds, you saw that I cared more for her than she did for me.”
“Yes, but she could have loved you even more,” Queenie said lovingly. “It truly could have been something more. I saw that in both of your minds. And honey, it’s not your fault that she didn’t.”
“It is my fault,” Rowan murmured. “I wasn’t all that I could be for her.”
Queenie gazed at her nephew warmly. “Love, you were all you could be for her. You were all anyone could ever be for anyone. It’s just that it didn’t work out. That’s all.”
Rowan, feeling rather embarrassed with his outburst, made to wipe away his tears and get up, but Queenie hugged him even harder. She saw all of his unspoken worries in his head: the misery from your rejection and the hurt from the realization that you preferred someone else, the grief from Tristan’s passing and the regret that he hadn’t ever gotten the chance to tell Tristan how much he loved him, the empathetic and sympathetic hurt and utter worry he felt about Cas and Susana after Tristan’s death, the guilt he still felt over what had happened to Magdalene, and the lack of confidence he felt about his career now and the accompanying discomfort he still felt before his parents.
Queenie let out a long breath, as she took in everything he was thinking. “Don’t think too hard on it, Rowan. I know you act all brave, but you’ve got a terrible way of overthinking everything. I see it in your mind, you know. But don’t do that now. Don’t beat yourself up. You did good, honey. You did real good.”
Rowan closed his eyes tightly, trying to stop from sobbing again. Meanwhile, Tina had quietly sat down besides the two of them and she’d put her hand on Rowan’s shoulder.
Queenie rubbed Rowan’s back as she continued to whisper, in a comforting voice, “And coming home to us, too - you did good with that. Now you just sit here with me and your ma, and you close your eyes and rest, honey. I know how tired you are.”
“Tired?” Rowan murmured. He hadn’t even considered that he was tired. No, he’d been so busy trying to fix his life and be the perfect person before everyone that he hadn’t even thought about how he’d felt. “How can I be tired? When I couldn’t do anything right…”
Queenie shook her head. “You’re all tired, honey. From carrying the weight of everything.”
Rowan finally gave in, as he acknowledged, for the first time in years, how tired he really was. He leaned in against his aunt and, with his other hand, he reached up and took his mother’s hand.
A pale evening sun filtered through the heavy clouds and roamed the dark grounds until it cast a gentle spotlight on Rowan. Rowan let out a long breath. I’ve spent my whole life trying to pretend that this wasn’t my home, Rowan thought tiredly. But maybe it’s okay to say that it is. Just for a short time, while I rest…
For a moment, all was warm and quiet in Rowan’s world. But then, there was a loud squeal from inside the house. A split second later, Rowan heard his father cry out loudly, “Nifflers loose! Jacob, you grab Nick; I’ll grab Teddy! Go, go, go!”
Running on all four paws, Nick came scurrying onto the front porch. Sniffing furiously, he made his way right up to Rowan’s shoulder. Then, with a happy gasp of recognition, Nick nuzzled his little head rather excitedly against Rowan’s cheek.
Back in the house somewhere, Jacob could be heard yelling, “Where is he? Where’d the little rascal go? Nick!”
Hearing his own name, Nick’s ears perked up. Then, Nick pawed at Rowan’s collar until there was enough room for him to tuck himself away between Rowan’s shirt and neck.
Rowan let out a soft, tired chuckle. Yeah, this is home, all right. Thanks, Nick, for the welcome. I’ve missed you, too.
* * * * * * * * * *
Two months later.
“You’ll become a statue soon, Remus,” Tonks remarked, as she took a seat beside him next to your bed. “Like the famous Muggle statue of the thinker. You’ll look just like him. And all these masses of Muggle children will crowd around you and go, ‘Look, look!’ Are you up for that? ‘Cause if not, I think you should straighten out your posture.”
“Mm,” Remus said, noncommittally.
Tonks stared wistfully at him for a moment. These past few weeks had been quite difficult for her, as she had quietly had to make her own peace with the realization that Remus might be in love with you. But Tonks, being Tonks, pushed aside her own heart for the moment as she tried to reassure Remus. “Madam Pomfrey said that she was fine. Her physical condition is stable. Her body temperature’s a little low, but not worryingly so.”
“Yeah,” Sirius agreed, as he strode into the room. “We’re just waiting for her to wake up. That’s all. So, ease up on the anxiety, will you?”
Remus simply sat there, still watching over you. He wanted to believe in Sirius and Tonks and he was grateful for their support, but he felt it was too important to merely “hope.” He had to know that you were going to be okay and he had to hear, from your own mouth, that you hadn’t done something abysmally foolish for him. After all, it had been two whole months of this agony and you still hadn’t woken up.
The three of them lapsed into silence, with Sirius and Tonks giving each other worried looks.
After another ten minutes had gone by, Sirius got up. He beckoned to Tonks to come with him. The two of them exited the room together.
Once they were out in the hallway, Sirius asked, in a low voice, “Did you send your Patronus to Scamander?”
Tonks nodded. ‘Yes, but my Patronus is still out there somewhere. I can feel it.”
“What does that mean?” Sirius wondered. “Is your Patronus unable to find him?”
“Yes, exactly. I don’t know where Scamander could have gone, but it seems he’s not reachable right now,” Tonks explained. “This happens when someone wants to go into hiding or else if they go into a place that has spells to prevent the place from being tracked or entered into without explicit permission. Like Grimmauld Place.”
“Damn,” Sirius murmured, “I was hoping he could at least give us some information on how to take care of fox girl in there.”
Just then, Sirius and Tonks heard a conversation ring out from the main hallway.
“Professor Snape!” Molly cried out, surprised. “What are you doing here at this time of day?”
Snape’s wry voice floated out, “I heard from Madam Pomfrey that you are housing a stupid, sickly fox girl here.”
“Er, well, I wouldn’t quite put it that way,” Molly replied. “But yes, she’s here. She’s unconscious, though. She won’t wake up.”
“I know,” Severus replied shortly. “I’ve come to wake her up.”
* * * * * * * * * *
The chrome-colored sea – like a sea of mercury and silver – had frozen over entirely. You were now encased at the bottom of the sea. You remained curled up on the sea floor, not unlike a seashell, with your hands clasped to your chest and your eyes closed.
No ships passed above you, and there were no clouds here. Every so often, a star would fall from the sky and burn its way down to the lower levels of the ice sea, but never far enough to reach you and warm you.
Sometimes, you thought you could hear the faraway sun crying out in pain and your frozen heart ache and your hands itched to be able to move, to be able to curl around the sun and hold it as it worked through its painful rebirth; other times, you thought that you could feel the watchful gaze of the moon and its careful, but constant pull on you.
So it was, that in this universe, the sun, the moon and the stars were the only things that gave you any sense of time passing. The sea itself did not move. Instead, the silent, silver sea, absent of waves, was slowly transforming from water to ice to mist. When the entire sea turned to mist, you knew you would enter Hades’ world. Right now, you weren’t breathing at all, for you were frozen, but the second you unfroze, you would pass on from this universe. In that way, your first breath would be your last. Like Tristan, you realized that this was what it meant to be bound by fate – you had to choose to take the last breath and accept all the paradoxes of this universe with a quiet, unhindered grace.
* * * * * * * * * *
Severus was concocting a potion in your room. Remus nervously hovered around him, and then you, and then back to him.
Fed up, Severus hissed, “If you would sit down, Lupin!”
Remus sat. But, unable to help himself, he asked, “What are you making, Severus?”
“It’s rather complicated to explain,” Severus said, “especially to you.”
“Oi,” Sirius replied at once, “there’s no need to be rude. You just do your job and get the hell out of here, Snivellus.”
Severus sneered unpleasantly at Sirius. “I’m trying, but you lot keep interrupting me.”
“Well, it is true that I was rather abysmal at Potions, so I probably wouldn’t understand even if you did explain it to me,” Remus muttered. “Still, I’d like to know what you’re doing.”
“Shut up,” Severus said thinly, ignoring Remus altogether. “It’s not my fault all of you are imbeciles. If you’d paid any attention at all in Potions, you’d know what I was doing just from looking at me.”
Severus nearly spat out, “Ten points from Gryffindor,” as was his habit after having to deal with a stupid question from a Gryffindor student, but he just managed to bite his cheek and hold his irrelevant remark in.
* * * * * * * * * *
Everyone waited with bated breath as Severus carefully tipped the potion into your mouth. As he did, he muttered, “That damned Fox is far more trouble than she’s worth.”
Severus gently pressed your mouth shut. Fortunately, you swallowed the potion. He took his hand away and waited.
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, your hands twitched. You began to tremble slightly and you started to breathe faster – Remus made to reach for you, but Severus stopped him.
“Get back, all of you!” Severus ordered.
Everyone except Severus hurriedly piled to the far side of the room.
You seemed to be struggling with something, almost as if you were fighting a weight on your chest. You scratched at the air in front of you for a moment, nearly scratching Severus’ face. Severus grabbed you by your wrists and pinned you back down on the bed.
“Come on,” he growled. “Pull yourself together. Fight back, and regain ownership of your soul!”
You suddenly let out a loud, startling cry and wrenching your arms away from Severus, you desperately threw your arms over your head.
Remus swallowed hard. He was scared and overcome with worry about you. Tonks took his hand and squeezed it hard.
“Don’t cower!” Severus shouted at you. “Fight back! Get up!”
You started to breathe far too quickly. Remus made to rush forward, but Sirius grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him back. “Wait! Wait, Remus,” Sirius breathed out harshly. “I think she’s waking up.”
Remus, being held back by both Sirius and Tonks, stared at you with wide eyes. He could barely register his own existence, for he was so desperately praying for yours. Come on, Lovely, he urged, wake up. Wake up, my love. You’ve got to be all right.
Suddenly, you fell back onto the bed. Severus watched you warily. You were still breathing harshly, but no longer thrashing about. Instead, you lifted your hand and stretched it towards the ceiling, towards the sky…
* * * * * * * * * *
There you remained, at the bottom of this frozen, mythical sea, trying to practice this grace of accepting one’s fate, which you had never exerted in your living life. Let go, you told yourself, and hold it all at once. Love everything you’ve ever received, but with no expectation. Understand everything you’ve ever experienced, but with no judgment.
Clink.
You hesitated. A… sound? Did I just hear a sound?
In this muted world of ice, that sharp, cracking sound was distinct.
Clink, clink, clink – crack! The ice was breaking!
A tiny fracture was making its way through the levels of the ice, gaining speed as it went.
Your heart leapt in shock. What? No. It isn’t fated for me to escape. I made a deal with the Nine-Tailed Fox. I’m supposed to go to Hades’ world. That was the bargain.
However, the crack in the ice was growing, growing, growing – and headed straight for you!
You were terrified. You didn’t know what to do! Clearly, this was freedom right before your eyes – an escape, rather than an end. And yet, you didn’t want to betray the Nine-Tailed Fox, and you wanted to make sure that Remus would be saved from his werewolf condition.
As the ice ocean split, literally, in half, a loud roar rang out, so loud it sent your heart thrumming, and a huge peal of blue lighting crashed down from the sky and struck the ocean where the fracture was occurring.
CRACK!
The ocean was cleaved perfectly in two, and split right where you were. You gasped. Your eyes flew open. For you knew that roar and you recognized that lighting – it was the Nine-Tailed Fox.
Is she giving me permission to escape? But why?
Having been frozen for so long, you flailed about like a newborn child for a long moment before you were able to gain enough control of yourself to sit up. You took a breath, half expecting the world to suddenly crash into darkness, but it didn’t. No, the world before you remained the same. It was a desolate, empty world, with no sun.
You slowly got to your feet. The two halves of the ocean lay on either side of you, sparkling dimly in the ghostly moonlight.
Just then, it began to rain – a dark, heavy, and chaotic rain. The ocean quickly began to melt around you. You stared uncertainly up into the sky. Then, all at once, the water began to swell. Too late, you looked up, only to see a massive, dark-colored wave rising well above your head. You opened your mouth to scream and you threw your hands above your head –
You didn’t even realize that you were screaming, “SHIP! SHIP! SHIP!” But it was too late, for there was no ship for you – there never had been.
Voices were spilling out from among the clouds: amidst the thunder and rain, there bellowed a wolf’s terrific howl, a bat’s loud screech, a dog’s rough bark, a lion’s ferocious roar, a fox’s bell-like laugh, and another fox’s ancient, lightning-like growl. It all became so loud, as if a piano had come crashing down from the heavens and was madly playing all of these haunted sounds at once on its thundering, out-of-tune keys.
But then – the wave came crashing down – you opened your mouth to scream, only it was too late. All became a white, spinning vortex of bubbles – Bubbles? Bubbles! Air! Life! Breathe! Up there, I can breathe again!
In one last desperate, instinctive attempt, you reached up towards the ocean’s surface with a shivering, pale, clammy hand… towards a pale moon…
Reach!
* * * * * * * * * *
A loud gasp escaped you. Your eyes flew open. You were finally awake.
#foxtail and wolfsbane#fanfic#fanfiction#harry potter imagine#marauders era#marauders#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin#rowan scamander
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