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clonesupport · 1 year

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Saudade's Affair

josiah trelawny x f!reader - chapter 10

Masterlist (x)

word count: +2.2k

warnings: nothing ^^

a/n: just a little soft something🤧

You stir awake, the light was barely shining through the tent leaving you to guess it was rather early in the morning. The camp was quiet, no one was awake at this hour confirming your suspicion. Your eyes come back to focus groggily on the man holding you, his face peaceful as he slept. This was the first time you woke up beside him, there was something surely special about seeing him this way, you wondered if he thought the same waking up next to you last time.

Your mind wanders, back to the events that happened the morning you left him. Your heart sinks at the memories though you quickly distract yourself with the warmth of the now. The feeling of Trelawny's arms around your form, the heat of his chest as it rises and falls in time with his soft breath. You shift your head up to observe him in his slumber, his features more relaxed than you could ever imagine them being. You never noticed how long his lashes were until they fluttered opened sleepily, his eyes lazily focusing on you before a groggy smile pulls at his lips.

Josiah couldn't help but smile. Against all odds, you were still in his arms. He's hoping this isn't a dream to see you look back up at him in your shared bed, "I thought you'd have left by now." He jokes, his words slipping mindlessly past his lips. You rest your head back down onto his chest, you yourself too lazy and tired to move let alone leave and too early to argue.

"I can leave if you want me to." You tease, jokingly threatening him, you can feel his arm around you tighten slightly.

"No! No… That's not..." His voice barely above a hushed panic as he holds you closer to him in fear at you really would get up and leave, though your soft chuckles puts him at ease.

"Go back to sleep." You say without looking back up at him, nuzzling your head against him, gently trailing your fingertips over his shoulder.

As you close your eyes once more, Trelawny keeps his locked on you, admiring the way you looked so tranquil resting against him like this, peacefully dozing off. 'You look very cute sleepy.' The comment ran through his head, dancing on his tongue to escape him though he keeps it to himself, leaving you to rest. He smiles gently, eyes softening as he squeezes you slightly to convince himself you’re really there. His heart blooms with a new found warmth as he’s satisfied that this is not a dream, that he finally has you in his arms again.

Laying his head back down, he closes his eyes. His smile rests faintly on his lips as he drifts to sleep, happy he is in this very moment with you.

The next time Trelawny wakes up you’re gone. He notices your absence instantly, the ghost of the warmth and weight that was once you beside him. Perhaps you really were never there, maybe he imagined all of it.

He lifts himself up slightly, enough to look around your tent as he searches for any trace of you though he found none that told him you’d been here recently. He’s disappointed though not surprised, he did half expect you to leave, perhaps he jinxed himself. As a matter of fact he entirely expected you to never talk to him again after that day you left him at his caravan. He’s disappointed in himself, it was foolish of him for thinking you would stay with him after that, let alone until morning.

His arm is still outstretched, almost waiting for you to reappear next to him in his reach so he can hold you close once more and never let you go. Dropping himself back down on the bed gently, he sighs, resting his other forearm over his eyes, cursing himself for possibly being such a love struck fool.

He marinates in his thoughts, sifting through memories as he thinks himself stupid when you walk into the tent with two fresh bowls of strew, one for the each of you. The flapping of the canvas causes Trelawny’s ears to perk up, almost making him jump up in hopes of seeing you. Before he could curse himself once more for thinking so hopelessly his heart skips a beat as his eyes land on you, bowls of stew in hand as you approach the cot. You look just like you did in his arms moments ago, proving that you really were there. His heart flutters as he slowly sits up in the cot.

“Sorry, did I wake you? I brought us some food, thought you’d be hungry. You didn’t eat last night.” You say sheepishly as you stood before him. Trelawny’s chest warms at your endearing gesture, how you cared for his well-being. He’s caught in his head, simply relieved to see you as the thought of you possibly disturbing him flies past his head. He couldn’t pay any mind to anything else in the moment, nothing but the fact that you were standing right before him, that you hadn’t actually left him, that perhaps he still had a chance.

“Oh no, you didn’t wake me. I didn’t even notice you leave.” His smile is genuine like he hasn’t seen you in weeks even if he’s been with you all night. The happiness he felt seeped out of him as if he couldn’t control himself. You move to sit down next to him on the edge of the cot, handing him a bowl of the stew. “Thank you, my dear.” Trelawny says softly, a tone he so rarely used. He seemed to speak so gently with solely you, voice velvety soft only around you when the two of you were alone.

You blush, nodding in acknowledgment before the two of you begin to eat, “So, where have you been?” You asked avoiding his eyes. You almost didn’t want to know the answer, knowing full well you’ll get some half assed lie just like every time before.

“Oh, nowhere and everywhere.” He replies nonchalantly, however he catches himself knowing that’s not the answer you were looking for. He glances to you, catching the disappointment in your eyes as you try to hide it from him. He clears his throat before correcting himself, “I’ve been around Rhodes mostly, staying in that caravan I’ve been renting. Although looks like I won’t be going back there now will I.” He smirks softly at you, trying to lighten the mood a tad. Your soft giggle rewards him as he smiles more proudly, glad to help lessen your malcontent state.

“Been doing some digging around as usual, talking to people, getting information about things here and there. Nothing too different form the usual.” He adds on as you eat, listening to him as he takes a couple bites between his words. “And then those bounty hunters arrived, took me, interrogated me and well…” He motions to the cuts and bruises on his face as your brows furrowed subtly at the reminder. Trelawny looks down at his mostly eaten stew as his features soften, “The only good thing coming out of all this is that I was able to you again.” He says honestly, catching you a bit by surprise.

He places his bowl on your makeshift nightstand before grabbing a hold of your hand, bring his other hand to clasp gently over your smaller one as he brushes the top of your knuckles like he did the first day you’d met, soothing and familiar. “I’ve missed you my dear, gravely.” He says deeply, catching your eyes with his as he spoke, “I know you don’t like the way I work, but I promise I will tell you the truth from now on.” He squeezes your hand with his, the other coming up to brush your cheek with his thumb. “I want to make it right between us, I want us to have something special. I know we can.” He purses his lips into a hopeful smile, hoping you’ll say yes, hoping you won’t turn him away again.

Trelawny’s hand lingers on your cheek, trailing down your neck gently, almost afraid of moving it any further as for maybe you’ll swat him away. You sit still as he watches the unreadable melancholic longing in your eyes. He wonders if it’s a longing for him perhaps? Though he doesn’t want to misread anything, nor does he want to push you away too soon.

“I understand if you still don’t want to approach the topic, or perhaps even still being interested in this.” He gestures between the two of you as he drops the hand from your jaw. He slightly loosens the hold on your hand in thought.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you look down at your hand in his smiling, squeezing his this time as you place your bowl aside on the cot, “you really think I’d hate you forever?” You chuckle softly as you watch him look at you in a subtle baffled wonder. “I may not like your choice in career and I may not like it when you lie to me, though I can’t say much considering I live with a gang of outlaws. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t missed you too, that I don’t want to give this a chance.” Your gaze glances to the side as you feel a blush creep up your neck from your admittance, “God have I missed you, have I thought about you, wondered if you were ok. Hoping you weren’t getting yourself into trouble.” You paused on the last note, your expression dropping remembering the way you found him as your hands cupped his.

Trelawny catches the fall in your mood, feeling guilty for making you worry let alone having you find him in a rather unpleasant state just the previous day.

“You know, I never wanted to leave.” You looks down at your joined hands, unable to look him in the eyes for too long, afraid you’ll get intimidated and shy away from speaking how you truly feel. Something about his gaze made your blood tingle beneath your skin, your heart jump within your ribcage. It was hard not to hide.

He watches you with intent, wanting to hear everything you have to say, wanting to continue listening to your voice.

“It’s been a nightmare without you, but I was too stubborn in my choices. I wouldn’t have been able to find you let alone get myself to go back to that caravan, though I suppose I don’t have to worry about finding the courage anymore, fate crossed our paths once more for us.” You glance back at him sheepishly. He gives you a gentle, kind smile.

“I understand. I know I haven’t always told you everything, or much truth for that matter, but I meant it when I said I’ll change that for you. I find myself willing and wanting to do anything for you, my dear.”

You smile at his words. God you hoped he was telling the truth, just this once, because with the way he was looking at you, talking to you, holding you? There was no way you’d be able to turn back now.

You move to sit closer to him, leaning into him as you kiss him. The moment your lips touch his, it feels as though the wind is knocked from your lungs like you’ve been starved of him for far too long as you kissed him deeply. You rest your hands against him as you savour this feeling. It’s stronger than last night’s kiss, more desperate, craving for one more taste.

Trelawny presses into you, so desperately wanting more, not wanting you to leave him. Not wanting you to disappear. His hand reaches to caress your neck, his other hand moving to find purchase on your waist. Your hands slide up to rest against his chest, bunching his shirt in your fists. You missed this, you’ve missed him.

You pull away before your kiss can escalate. As much as your current state of mind wanted to push things along, a part of you knew you were still worried to do anything you might regret later, even if in truth you’d never regret anything you do with him. He rests his forehead against yours “I can’t begin to tell you how much I’ve missed this, my love.” He chances the new nickname.

The endearment term catches you off guard, shocking you a split second. He notices you shock and panics a bit, ready to apologize before your beautiful smile graces your face and you chuckle. “Me too.” You say simply, leaning back in to peck his lips before you stand up, grabbing your bowls. Josiah is about to get up and follow you when he feels a sharp jab of pain in his side, he’d almost forgotten the beating he took just 12 hours ago. You notice his stifled groan of discomfort, gently pushing him back down by the shoulder. His hand comes up to cup your elbow as you did so, as if wanting to savour any little bit of touch from you he can get.

“Rest,” you tell him in a hushed tone, “you need it.” You begin to walk out of the tent, you arm slowly sliding from Trelawny’s grasp before your hands touch, then fingers, then you slip just out of his reach as you exit the tent.

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