When he touches me, I lose all defenses.
I forget why I need to let him go.
When he treats me like I'm important to him, I forget all the reasons I'm not important to him.
We both are now, officially, in the same places in our personal lives.
He makes me feel desired even when my makeup is light and my hair is dry shampooed.
The way he wraps his hand around my neck and makes me look up at him before he bends to kiss me until I can't breathe lights my soul on fire.
I suppose air does that to fire. Makes it blaze brighter, spread further and become wild.
I crave him, all day, every day.
And ten times more when he's in front of me.
Clear memories of us will never stop flashing through my foggy mind.
He consumes me and I love the way he eats.
The way he grabs.
The way he rubs.
The way he is.
I don't think I'd survive without the drama, the anticipation, the climax.
I, now, need him like oxygen.
Or maybe a chemical release.
I need him and that's all I know.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: i cut off the beginning of this chapter because i lowkey stopped liking it… enjoy! ☠️🤎
❦
BOYFRIEND.
METHOD MAN x BLACK!FEM!OC
SUMMARY: in which Alayna falls back into the arms of her ex-entanglement Clifford, despite the fact that she's dating his friend. ✨
❦
"C-Clifford!" Alayna whimpered loudly, her nails digging into his back, as Clifford's forehead rested against hers and they stared into each other's eyes, his strokes slow and passionate while he made sure she could feel everything.
"say it again. tell me you love me." Clifford demanded, wrapping his hand around her neck, as Alayna's eyes fluttered a little and she bit down on her lip, her emotions clear as day in her eyes while her lips parted a little.
"i-i love you, baby. i love you so fuckin' much." Alayna moaned, cupping his face in her hand, as Clifford smiled a little at her and chuckled softly, pecking her lips while he swirled his hips into hers.
"mmm, that's my girl. i love yo' fine ass too, shorty." Clifford smashed his lips onto hers and Alayna wrapped her arms around his neck, succumbing to his pleasure acts while she moaned in his mouth.
Alayna couldn't contain her feelings any longer. she was in love with her boyfriend and his homeboy who she was entangled with, but she loved one more than the other. as much as she loved her boyfriend, her body called for Clifford, and she could no longer ignore that call anymore.
she was picking her side, and she sided with her entanglement.
❝ I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE FINALLY ALONE. I CAN'T BELIEVE I ALMOST WENT HOME. WHAT ARE THE CHANCES? EVERYONE'S DANCING, AND HE'S NOT WITH YOU. ❞
Alayna and Clifford's lips moved in sync as Alayna's hand gently caressed the nape of the man's neck, her legs sitting loosely around his waist while he stroked her with passionate precision.
the veins of his phallus throbbed against the slickness of her walls and moans and groans slithered from their plump lips as Alayna's brows lightly furrowed in pleasure and Clifford's hand slipped down from her neck to her legs, placing both of them on his shoulders and shoving his length deeper.
❝ THE UNIVERSE MUST HAVE DIVINED THIS. WHAT AM I GONNA DO? NOT GRAB YOUR WRIST? ❞
"C-Clifford!" Alayna whined loudly, their lips parting, as her hands gripped the man's shoulders and her stomach muscles contracted, the tip of Clifford's dick hitting her g-spot roughly.
"yeah, you like that rough shit, don't you, mama? i know you like when i fuck you like this." Clifford smirked, laying the weight of his body down on the woman, as Alayna's eyes widened and soon rolled back, her hands scrambling rapidly before they began pushing at his abdomen.
"...t-toodeep! toodeep! y-you'retoodeep!" Alayna squealed loudly, her words jumbled and nearly gibberish, as Clifford grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head, pushing his body down on hers more while he rested his forehead against hers.
"fuck all'at, you gon' take this dick, shorty. why you rejectin' my love, huh? you don't love me no more already?" Clifford spoke lowly, his low tone making his voice sound deeper than usual, as Alayna whined and bit down on her lip, her knees grazing her ears while her body writhed under his.
"i-i do love you, baby! i swear i do!"
"then take this dick like a good girl, ma."
❝ I COULD BE A BETTER BOYFRIEND THAN HIM. I COULD DO THE SHIT THAT HE NEVER DID. UP ALL NIGHT, I WON'T QUIT. ❞
Alayna's anklet — which Clifford bought for her — dangled close to Clifford's ear and he gently bit down on his lip whenever the cold steel grazed his earlobe as Alayna's vision faltered and she released a cry, gripping the man's forearms while her eyes crossed.
"tell me you'll leave him for me, 'Layna. i know you don't love him like you love me. he could neva' make you feel like this, shorty. and we both know it. so, say that shit.. tell that motherfucka' you're leavin' him for me." suddenly, Clifford's tip jabbed a spot in Alayna's walls — one very different than her g-spot.
the spot he touched sent Alayna into overstimulation, and she lost all control of her body as her body jolted and tears of pleasure brimmed her eyes while her legs began to shake in his grasp.
"Cliff!—"
"mm-mm, fuck that. you betta' say that shit."
❝ THINKING I'M GONNA STEAL YOU FROM HIM. I COULD BE SUCH A GENTLEMAN. ❞
"i'll leave him, Cliff, i'll leave him! i-i swear! just don't stop! don't stop fuckin' me! don't stop lovin' me! d-don't stop, baby— unh!" Alayna shouted, her back arching and her body folding like a lawn chair, as she clung onto Clifford tightly and Clifford gripped her jaw, bringing her rosy face to his while he forced her to look at him.
"look at me when you talkin', shorty," Clifford muttered, biting down on his lip, as his low eyes stared into Alayna's watery ones, "now say it again."
Alayna's fuzzy eyes looked up at Clifford in a daze and she bit down on her lip a little before speaking, "...i'll le-leave him. just please... don't stop."
and Clifford did just that.
his strokes were now slowed and his roughness was replaced with sensualness as he took her legs off of his shoulders and wrapped them around his waist, letting go of her hands and wrapping his arms around her body. the passion was back and it was stronger than before as Alayna's arms wrapped around his neck and his forehead rested against hers for a third time, her legs locking around his waist while her breathing sped up.
Clifford loosened his grip on her jaw and he gently pulled her into a slow kiss as her body tingled in his arms, her nails gently digging into hie back while heavy breathing and moans filled the kiss. it felt like everything was all falling together, causing butterflies to fill Alayna's stomach - and she was sure Clifford could feel them in his as well. the way Clifford was fucking her let her know that this wasn't just sex.
this was love, and Alayna had finally realized that she was in it with Clifford the whole time.
suddenly, Alayna's stomach muscles tightened up and her body temperature began to rise as her brows furrowed and she struggled to kiss Clifford back, their eyes opening in sync while her lover smirked at her.
"you finna cum, ain't you? you finna bust all over yo' dick, huh?" Clifford's words sent Alayna over the edge and she suddenly went silent, her mouth agape and her grip on him tightening, as she began to lose control of her body and she released a loud squeal, tossing her head back against the pillows while her lips remained parted.
"yes, yes, yes, i'm cumming! i love you so fucking much- fuck!" Alayna shouted before her climax hit her, the intensity hitting her like no other, as she harshly bit down on her bottom lip and her eyes screwed shut, her brows furrowing while her juices leaked out of her entrance and coated Clifford's phallus.
"just like that, baby. wet this dick up." Clifford groaned, watching the woman lose control underneath him, as he bit his lip at the sight of her and Alayna buried her face in the crook of his neck, her cheeks rosy and her lips quivering with pants while her grip on him loosened.
Alayna knew that this was a new beginning for her and Clifford, and she was ready to explore life with him. she also knew that she'd have to leave something in the past.
and she chose her boyfriend.
❝ I COULD BE A BETTER BOYFRIEND. ❞
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🕊
A former colleague of mine just passed away this afternoon.
I wish she heard some of the messages posted on her fb wall when she needed. I wish I was one of those who tried to check what is going on with her during those difficult times even if we're not close enough as friends. Gone too soon. Rest well, Doc Mich.
This made me realize what happens if I did it too. Will people remember me the way I wanted to be? I guess some would only appreciate me when I am already gone and all that's left with them is regret. That they should've been there at my lowest, just like how I regretted above.
I have been in that situation many times wherein I was tempted to do "it" yet I couldn't. But it's still there. The thoughts are there. I'm afraid what will happen with the people around me. My dogs, family and friends. Or friend. I am not sure though.
I have already planned the things I want to be done when "it" happens. Well, sort of. Still finalizing it. 🙃 A song, a poem, people whom I requested and will request to do a eulogy for me, and also the memorialization thing.
If you reached this part, thank you. Seriously, thank you. I truly appreciate it. I rarely open up and share my thoughts and feeling to someone because anxiety creeps in. And that's why my emotions also are always bottled up inside me. I can't express. I really can't communicate well.
If you are experiencing the same situation, please DM me or leave any note on this post. I am not am expert, but I just wanted to help too. So we can get through this. 😌
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