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#today was another interesting day at work.......
staylovesmiley · 1 day
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Collision— Chapter 2
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ᯓᡣ𐭩 Pairing; Stray Kids x afab!reader
ᯓᡣ𐭩 ᯓᡣ𐭩Summary; You’ve known him for years but you never would have guessed the charming guy you’ve been online gaming with has been an idol this whole time.
ᯓᡣ𐭩 ᯓᡣ𐭩ᯓᡣ𐭩Warnings; implied afab reader (only they/them pronouns used for reader), angst, smut, mild violence, pls I haven’t written fanfics since 2018 patience and kindness is appreciated
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Today was finally the day, well more like finally the night as the hour was late and the sun had begun setting as the plane landed at its destination.
Over the past month Star had been eagerly messaging back and forth with Felix about recommendations for things to do, places to eat, help with knowing what the weather is predicted to be so they knew what to pack. At first the Aussie was nervous, but the closer it got to time he felt more at ease that his identity was protected if even a little bit bitter that they had no clue they would be indirectly meeting through the crowd of his now sold out show. He had learned they hadn’t been a stay for very long, only having discovered them during their maniac tour and being just a casual fan until seeing the comparisons of Chan to Wriothesley (who happened to be one of their favorite characters in Genshin since his model was leaked). Felix had to bite back the amusement tinted with a small twinge of jealousy hearing them gush about how handsome his fellow Aussie was. Other than that they chose to not talk much about Stray Kids or the concert, preferring to talk about the trip as a whole and even asking the blonde to be somewhat of a virtual guide. Starlight never suggested trying to meet up, most likely assuming it an off limits topic considering how protective he was with his identity. Felix couldn’t help but hope they would bring it up, ask to meet up face to face since they would be so close to one another.
It was silly, he knew, feeling a strong want to reveal himself to them. The two gamers had been somewhat close before, even with never having seen what each other looks like or knowing each others names.
While he himself kept most details about himself a secret, Star was rather open about their personal life and, with consent of course, had often vented and rambled to Felix about their life whether it be work issues or that one time they had called him from the laundromat because it was so late and there was a rather creepy individual lingering near by as they waited for the dryer to finish and wanted to be on the phone with someone to try and deter the individual.
He had learned they didn’t have many friends in the city they lived in, being mostly introverted they kept to themself and found it hard to make connections due to their more nerdy hobbies and interests.
Felix battled with himself internally if he should say something, open up more to them even before he found out they were going to be coming to Korea. They were kind, and from what he could tell pretty trustworthy. Even after finding out they were stay, Star seemed so chill about it all he felt like it wouldn’t turn out too bad if they found out who he was. Perhaps it was the chaotic part of his brain wanting to see how they would react knowing this whole time they had been talking and gaming with the Lee Felix of Stray kids, the very group they planned to see in concert and had bought albums of. Maybe a larger part of it was wanting to strengthen this connection that extended past his idol life.
Though he hadn’t shared much about himself, he felt seen by Star. Not by the artificial surface level stuff most idols are watered down to, But for himself, as an individual.
Felix had talked to the others about them, multiple times now. First it was in passing, never even giving them a name as he just referred to them in general as a “gaming buddy” but over the past month, while getting to know them even more as he helped them prepare and plan their trip, he began opening up about his desire to be more honest with them as well as sharing more about them with the others.
Changbin and Hyunjin eagerly asked what they looked like, much to their dismay upon learning he didn’t know himself. Seungmin teased him, claiming he had a little schoolboy crush on the somewhat mysterious gamer (he argued that with how much of a yapper they tended to be, affectionately, he was more of the mysterious gamer then they were). Jisung and Jeongin showed their curiosity more subtly in asking about what they liked and suggesting things he could mention to them about places to go and sights to see on their trip. Minho seemed uninterested though he diligently listened to the younger vent about his inner battle over whether or not to reveal his identity.
Chan was surprising, when he first told him about Star he teased the other. The older poked at his cheek with a goofy smile on his face as he sing-songed about Felix having a little crush just as Seungmin had. But once he had opened up about possibly wanting to meet up with them, he expected Chris to get serious and scold him. To tell him that was a reckless idea and could potentially hurt the group should something go wrong. Instead, the older Aussie smirked slightly and shrugged his shoulders. “Do you feel like you can trust them?” Was what eventually left his lips as he turned in his studio chair to look at the younger who sat perched on the couch behind him, pillow hugged tightly to his chest with how anxious he was bringing up the topic with their leader.
Felix stared at him with eyes so wide it made the other burst out into laughter, almost falling out of his seat. “Listen, it’s risky, yes- but mate you’ve been talking about them nonstop for a whole month.” The younger blushed slightly and looked away. “I know the fans usually talk about them for a different reason but we have NDAs for situations like this….”
Felix gawked at him for a moment, blinking a bit as he stared at the older male. “I never- thought of that…but how would I go about asking them to sign something like that?” Chan shrugged, turning back to the soundboard to continue working. “You could ask them to meet up once they are here, then send over the paperwork and explain it’s for your safety. If they are a good friend like you claim, and they already respect how you’ve had to be secretive in the past, then they should understand.” Felix took in the words he was saying, letting them fully absorb as he took in what this meant. But was it really that simple? He thought on it for a few days, and just 48 hours before they were set to hop on a flight to Incheon International, he sent them a message asking if they would meet him once they arrived.
That brings you to this moment, waiting at baggage claim as you eagerly look over the messages in your discord app about where to meet your mysterious online friend after checking into your hotel.
This was absolutely insane, you knew. Meeting up with someone who after years of not even knowing his name or what he looks like, drops the bomb that he is “somewhat a celebrity” and wanted to actually meet in person after all but needed you to sign a bunch of documents stating you wouldn’t leak any of his personal information after knowing who he was. After signing and sending over the paperwork you should have demanded to know who he was, to video call before hand just to make sure you weren’t walking into anything dangerous. But you were a rather impulsive individual and the excitement of finally meeting your friend outweighed the rational part of your brain. It wasn’t even that they were a celebrity that had you so excited. Whoever your friend was, you were just happy to finally meet someone who you considered yourself rather close with even if it was somewhat one sided. Sure, he may have not shared any personal information about himself with you but as far as things like his likes and dislikes, his personality, his kindness, that you were familiar with. It didn’t matter that you didn’t have a real name or face to put to your friend or that you didn’t know what his line of work was, you knew him...at least you hoped you did.
Once you had gotten checked into your hotel you took some time to freshen up after your long flight before sending a message to your friend to let him know you had landed and were ready to head out to the meeting spot whenever he was. He had let you know today was a day off for himself, before an extremely busy schedule the next two days.
You were dressed simply in a pair of distressed baggy jeans and a slightly oversized long sleeve for the comfort of the flight and because you did tend to get chilly often. You were just planning to meet up near the Han River before going to get a bite to eat, so there was no need to change your clothes for something so casual. You heard your phone signal that you had received a message back, giving you the go ahead to start making your way to the park. Here goes nothing-
The spring air was crisp, wind blowing gently causing the baby hairs at the back of his neck to tickle the skin lightly with his hair pulled up in a messy bun he had recently learned with how long his hair has been getting lately. He was dressed in a pair of black sweat pants and a dark blue hoodie, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible lest he attract too much attention from the public.
Anxiously he paced back and forth at the spot he had asked you to meet him.
It was dark by the time you arrived, catching a glimpse of the man from behind a small smile appeared on your face as your footsteps picked up with the eagerness to finally meet your longtime friend.
As you approached him he had turned so he was facing you, though his gaze was pointed at the ground as he was deep in thought it seemed, and it dawned on you as the color slowly drained from your face and realization settled in. Oh no, oh this was embarrassing. You silently thanked yourself for not speaking to him much about your admiration and interest in his group, seeing now that your longtime friend was none other than Lee Felix of Stray Kids. You groaned internally, remembering the slight fangirling you had done to him in the beginning over his group and a specific leader, cursing yourself mentally as you took a a deep breath and made your way to him while his back was once again turned to you. You tapped gently on his shoulder. “Um- Hi?” You spoke softly, suddenly very nervous and not because his identity and status was now known to you but because of your aforementioned introverted nature.
Felix whipped around so fast his neck hurt slightly, looking down (only slightly, we all know this man ain’t that tall) he smiled nervously. Woah, they were so cute, he thought to himself before shaking the thought from his mind. “Star?” He asked, biting his lip slightly as for a moment he feared maybe this wasn’t his friend but could be a stay (and not his stay- wait his stay? Oops-) that happened to spot him and come to say hi.
You giggled lightly, nodding a bit. “It’s uh- my name is y/n, actually…” you said with a smile, offering your hand out to him in greeting. “But you can keep calling me Star if you like- I actually like that nickname.”
He blushed slightly, glad for it to be dark out so it was less noticeable. “You have a lovely name…I know this is probably a useless introduction for you but I’m Felix.” He chuckled and shook your hand before rubbing the back of his neck, eyes down cast. “It’s not useless at all! I know I’m well…a stay and all but I’m your friend first. I actually was your friend first technically speaking.” You rambled slightly, catching yourself before you went on for too long and got off track. “It’s nice to meet you, Felix.” He felt his chest lighten and flutter a bit at your words, knowing in that moment it was the right decision to trust you like this.
You spent some time talking, catching up on little things about each other (mostly Felix) that you never shared due to not knowing each other fully until now. You made your way to a small building with a restaurant upstairs that Felix swore had the best food for late nights after a long flight. He pulled your seat out for you before taking his own. “So I’m guessing those next two days you’re gonna be busy is actually because of the concert the day after tomorrow?” You questioned, looking over the menu and being grateful for the pictures with numbers corresponding to the items listed so it was easier to understand what each dish was as your Korean wasn’t the best. “Ah yeah- it is…are you still looking forward to the show?” He was slightly nervous. What if now after meeting him you felt awkward going to the show. His other friends and family had gone to shows before but perhaps this was different? He was in somewhat uncharted territory with you and since you hadn’t talked much about the concert even before knowing his identity he was nervous to ask but was dying to know at the same time.
“Oh my god are you kidding? So excited! Not to completely gush and make a fool of myself but you guys are incredibly talented. Besides- now I have a whole new reason to be excited.” Felix raised an eyebrow at this, his question showing on his features before he asked it. “And what is that?” You grinned cheekily and reached over to poke at his chest. “I’ll be cheering on my friend, silly!“ you laughed, only quieting down when the waitress arrived to take their order.
Once the order was placed and they were once again left to themselves, you turned to Felix slightly sheepishly. “So uh- I guess now is probably as good a time as any to mention I may not have been completely honest about the true nature of my trip here…” Felix‘s eyes widened a bit as that trademark confused look appeared on his face. Suddenly feeling his heart rate pick up his mind began to race with where this was going. Oh no- were you a sasaeng who actually knew who he was this whole time and had been stalking him until this inevitable moment? No. There is no way- it couldn’t be that, could it?
“I applied for a student visa and well- for the foreseeable future this is where I’ll be living!” The Aussie breathed a mental sigh of relief but then tilted his head as more confusion flooded his expression. “Oh? Why didn’t you say that earlier-“ You sighed, rubbing the back of your neck before taking a sip of the water in front of you. “Well I was worried you might feel pressured in some way that I would want to meet up and I knew how much you wanted privacy….I was afraid you would think I’d expect to become irl friends since I’d be living in the same city…” at this information, Felix felt his heart warm and his chest flutter again at your consideration for him and his boundaries. “Star- that’s….you’re so sweet. But moving here? That’s so exciting! Im glad we did meet after all. You don’t know anyone else here, do you?” You shook your head, feeling slightly embarrassed as the nerves over the move and leaving everyone you had ever known behind to come to a foreign country alone. “Just you, yeah…thank you for trusting me enough to meet up. I’m glad to have you as a friend.” You both wore a matching blush at this, looking away from each other just as the food was delivered to the table.
After a few moments of silence, besides the quiet sounds of you both digging into your respective dishes, the blonde man spoke up. “So a student huh? Are you going anywhere specifically?” You looked up at him, halfway through slurping up some of your noodles causing him to laugh softly at the sight. Quickly you finished chewing and swallowed your bite of food before answering his question. “I’ll be taking Korean lessons, actually, as a way to get my visa. What better way to learn the language than living here, right? I’ll take classes once a week and the rest of the time well- I’ll figure that out but my job was able to let me work remotely so thankfully I won’t have to worry about looking for a job while I’m here.” Felix smiled and nodded, taking in the information. “That’s so cool I didn’t know you could get a student visa to come here and learn Korean- do you know where you’ll be staying long term?” “Not yet. For now I’m at a hotel nearby but as soon as I can I’m going to start looking for an apartment.” You sighed, the stress of your lack of a living situation evidently weighing on you. “If you need any help just let me know, yeah? I’ll try my best. You don’t have to do it all alone..” he offered warmly, placing his hand on top of yours where it rested by your bowl. You smiled, cheeks almost sore from how much this man truly was the ray of sunshine the fans and members called him by.
You both couldn’t help but hold matching smiles on your faces as the night went on. The more Felix got to know his long time friend face to face, the more he felt at ease. It also helped how gorgeous you were. The blonde caught himself staring on more than one occasion and had to pull his eyes away before he was found out by the gamer across from him. The more you got to know him you felt butterflies erupt through your chest at how kind and charming he truly was, a true princely type it seemed.
You discovered you were the same age, though you were a few months older (your birthday closer to Hyunjin’s). You talked about anything and everything as you ate your meal, eventually being politely kicked out so the establishment could close for the evening.
Felix walked you back to your hotel, your hands brushing against each other occasionally from how close you were as you were deep in conversation. “So I’ll see you the day after tomorrow…” he said as you reached the front entrance of the hotel. “Well- yeah I mean if you can see that far into the crowd.” You laughed, tucking some hair behind your ear. “I mean uh- well if you wanted to I could arrange for you to come backstage afterwards and maybe come with us to get dinner after?” Your eyes widened in disbelief as you stared at him like he just handed you a million dollars.
“Really?! A-are you sure? I don’t wanna impose-“ you stuttered a bit as the excitement and nerves took you over.
Felix laughed and nodded his head. “I’ll talk it over with staff and the guys but I’m sure they won’t mind. I’ve uh, kinda been telling them about you a lot since I heard you were coming to visit and they have been super curious to meet you as well-“ now you blushed, looking away. “Um- yeah I mean sure I’d love to!” “Great! I’ll let you know the details when it’s all settled. Oh-“
Felix held out his phone, rubbing the back of his neck. “If you wanna put in your number? It might be easier than communicating through discord alone…” You smiled and nodded as you took the device from his hands and quickly put in the international number you were given for your time there as well as adding in your normal number into the additional contact information just in case. “Well this was so nice, Felix. Im really glad I was finally able to meet you.” He felt the warm and excited smile stretch across his features causing his eyes to turn to crescents and before he could think twice, he pulled you into a tight embrace. You squeaked a bit at the action, but quickly melted into his touch and rested your head against his shoulder while his rested against the side of your head. “Let me know when you get back safe.” You muttered to him as you let go, smiling at his nod of acknowledgment before you both shared your goodbyes and went your separate ways.
Between the time you had met up and the day of the concert you and Felix had been talking nonstop. He kept you up to date while they practiced for the show, even going as far as to send a couple selfies and pictures of himself and the members, including the cutest picture of a sleepy Jeongin and Hyunjin cuddled up on the couch at the back of their practice room that you will cherish forever.
You were currently in the process of getting ready for the show yourself, placing the final touches on your makeup and hair before standing up from where you had sat in front of the floor length mirror in your hotel room and stepped back to take in the full look.
You had taken it upon yourself to dress up to match their latest comeback, wearing a pleated denim miniskirt with a cream colored cropped tank top and a light blue biker jacket you had thrifted sometime ago on top. You finished off the look with some knit leg warmers in a matching color to your top and a few different silver chain necklaces, one dainty with star charms along the length of it and another just a thicker plain chain, and a couple of matching bracelets and rings.
Looking over your appearance once more, you nodded at yourself before slipping on your black docs to finish it all off.
Once you arrived at the venue everything was a blur until you were at your seat, this being your first ever kpop concert let alone in a foreign country. You smiled friendly to the stays around you who greeted you politely and made some small talk which you were happy didn’t get too deep since you were still so new to the language and a bit self conscious about your pronunciation of most words. Before you knew it the show was starting and you couldn’t help but cheer loudly for your friend and his members.
Felix had tried to insist on changing your seat to something closer to the stage but you had refused, saying that you’d get to see him afterwards and that you could still have fun from your seat practically in the nose bleeds and have fun you did. Thank god for modern technology as you were able to snap some photos of Felix mid dance that had you howling with laughter and would most definitely be used to tease him later on.
As the show came to an end your nerves started to bubble back up to the surface, realizing that soon you’d be face to face with all eight members of a group you’ve been a fan of for a couple years at that point. Again you were reminded of the things you had told Felix about one Bangchan and blushed with embarrassment at the thought that maybe he had said something to the older Aussie about your supposed attraction to him based on your love for a certain fictional character he bore resemblance to. As the lights began turning on and fans began leaving the venue you were greeted by a member of staff who lead you to the backstage area through a series of corridors and heavy double doors.
On your way to the green room you happened to run into the members in the hall, spotting Felix your eyes lit up and you called out to him. “Felix! Hey!” You shouted, laughing when his eyes locked on you and he took off run towards your figure down the hall.
Matching his energy you also took off in a sprint towards the Aussie and squealed with glee when instead of stopping upon reaching you the other wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you almost effortlessly and spun you around. “Star! Gosh I’m so glad you are here- how was it? Did we put on a good show for stay?” You giggled as he set you down but noticed how his arms stayed holding you in his embrace. “It was incredible, as always! Well- I mean from what I’ve seen via YouTube videos…” You both laughed, staring at each other as you took in his appearance and he yours. “You look incredible, to match our performance I guess.” You rolled your eyes a bit at his attempt at a joke, but took the compliment nonetheless. “Thank you! You guys inspired me I guess-“ you fired back, catching the seven other pairs of eyes on you from over his shoulder and suddenly felt anxious nerves flood over you.
“Uh, hyung- are you gonna introduce us to your friend?” Jeongin spoke up first, going as far as stepping up and tapping the older on the shoulder. You stepped back from your friend and looked at the others like a deer caught in the headlights. You never realized how large of a group they looked like until you were standing in front of them.
Your poor introverted soul screamed at you to run and hide but you forced yourself to bow at the waist politely to them and introduce yourself to them. “Hi! I’m y/n but you can all call me Star- well uh that’s what Felix calls me and what I go by with my friends…”
You slowly rose to standing straight again when you heard a few of them let out chuckles before they introduced themselves as well. “Star, yeah? Cute.” Lee know said with a smirk. “Cute is right! Felix why did you hide them from us for so lonnngg-“ Changbin whined and clung to the younger while the others laughed or rolled their eyes affectionately at his antics. “Hey I just found out what they looked like myself not that long ago-“ Felix pouted at him as he tried to pry the older off of him. “Ya! You could have shown us a picture or something??” You giggled, hiding your mouth behind your hand shyly before feeling extra bashful being talked about like you weren’t in the room. “Guys, you’re being kind of rude…sorry for them.” Chan spoke up, stepping up and nodding to the green room. “We’ve gotta go get changed but you can come have a seat while you wait? We won’t be long and I’m sure you don’t want to stand out here while you wait- though I warn you it can get kinda loud in there.” He said, glancing back at the others causing them all to prove his point by shouting their protests. “Thank you, that sounds nice.” And with that you followed them into the room to wait for them to all get changed.
As you waited on the couch in the green room for the members to get back into their civilian clothes as you’ve decided to nickname them, you tried not to be too obvious about how your eyes wandered around the room curiously to watch as the staff cleaned up after the show. Stylists grabbing clothing from the outstretched arms of the members from the closed off changing rooms to put them into the proper garment bags and hung on the clothing wracks to be wheeled off and stored away in some vehicle to be brought somewhere at JYPE perhaps, makeup artists cleaning their stations and packing away their supplies, other various staff members going around picking up trash left behind by either themselves or the members. You felt a bit anxious sitting down while everyone else was tidying up around you until you felt the soft leather of the sofa dip beside you. “Hi.”
Looking to your right you were met with Bangchans dimpled face grinning at you. “Oh uh- hi!” Your voice came out a lot higher pitched than you meant it to and you quickly scrambled to compose yourself while Chan laughed at your reaction to his presence. “Hey, deep breaths yeah? It’s just me.” You nodded along, taking a deep breath. “Yeah that’s kinda the problem- I know I’m not the first one to tell you this but you are like hella intimidating…” He responded with more laughter as you gave him a pout. “Sorry ‘bout that, not like I’m really trying to come off that way…quite the opposite really.”
Taking in his appearance you gave him a soft smile. He still had traces of makeup left behind that a quick remover wipe didn’t quite get rid of, dressed in a pair of loose fitting black shorts and a matching black hoodie. “Comfy?” Is the question that slipped out as he sat beside you, full on man spreading. The Aussie’s eyes widened before you were graced with his beautiful laugh once more and you were starting to think you could get used to the sound. “Yeah, I’d say so sitting next to someone as pretty as yourself.” This caused a dark blush to spread over your cheeks and to the tips of your ears as you quickly hid behind your hands. “Oh my god you can’t just say stuff like that-“ you groaned though laughter quickly followed to try and cover your bashfulness. Pulling your hands away you began to fan your face as another one of the boys made your way over to sit on the opposite side of you.
“Oh no, has our poor leader said something to upset you?” Came Lee Minho’s teasing tone as he leaned in close to take a look at the blush still dusting your features. You gasped a bit at the close proximity and struggled to find the words to respond. “Guys can you give them some space, please? They aren’t used to you yet-“ Felix seemed to rush from where he had been changing and attempted to shove Leeknow out of the way. “If they want some space they can speak for themselves, right?” The elder dancer hummed after his question, staring at you expecting an answer. “Well I uh- it’s fine, Lix I’m okay.” The blonde stopped his attempt short and looked between the three of you before huffing a bit. “Well alright if you’re okay….just tell me if they are bothering you, yeah?” You nodded to him, giving the young Aussie a warm smile as Chan made himself more comfortable by draping an arm over your shoulder, thus effectively grabbing your attention. “So, Star- Lix says you’re going to join us for dinner, yeah?” You nod eagerly and flash him the same smile you had just given Felix. “Mhm! If you guys will have me, that is.” From across the room Hyunjin muttered under his breath. “Oh we’ll definitely be having you-“ which caused Han to give him a sharp elbow to the chest and Jeongin a look to say “knock it off” without actually speaking it. Thankfully for the group you didn’t catch the tallest innuendo and continued to chat with Chan and Minho about the show, your favorite foods, and somehow the topic landed on your semi-permanent stay in Korea.
“Wait wait wait- so you’re going to be here for a couple of years to study? That’s fantastic!” Bangchan said with his dimples on full display for you. You fought the urge to reach out and poke them, thankfully winning against the impulse lest you embarrass yourself. “Yup! I still can’t believe it but I’m sure the reality of it will hit once I get settled in a place and start classes.” Minho raised an eyebrow and tilted his head like a curious cat. “Hold on you don’t have a place to live yet?” You shook your head in response and gave him a shrug. “I mean I’m staying at a hotel right now so it’s not like I’m out on the streets or anything.” Now Jisung made his way over, sitting on the other side of Minho and practically gluing himself to the older’s back to get closer to you. “But that’s no way to live! I’m sure it’s not all that comfortable I mean I’ve stayed in many a hotel with this career and it’s just- never as good as having your own bed.” You looked around the see the others nodding or vocalizing their agreement with the rapper. “Well no it’s not ideal but I haven’t exactly had time to find a place yet…” Felix spoke up moving from his spot where he had been leaning against the wall to sit beside Chan. “I offered to help them find somewhere since we’ve got some free time this week now that the concert is over.”
Chan smiled at his fellow Aussie then turned to meet your eyes. “That’s a great idea! We can all help if you want, too. The more the merrier, right?” You nodded, looking over to Felix to gauge his reaction and make sure it wasn’t imposing if he had wanted to spend the time alone with you and to your delight he seemed completely on board with the idea. “Yeah I would really appreciate that, than you Chan.” “Chris. Please-“ You blushed again, giggling a little as you nodded towards him. “Chris.” You responded, feeling brave enough to send him a wink which had the older blushing in return and quickly turning away from you to cough into his elbow. So much for being able to handle what he dished out.
“This is nice, chatting with everyone and getting to know you Star, but I can actually feel my stomach yelling at me to feed it so can we please get going to dinner?” Jeongin whined, clutching his stomach and leaning dramatically onto Changbin who started to complain of hunger himself. With laughter and words of agreement they all decided to load up into two cars split by dorms to head to the restaurant. You found yourself nestled in the cuties car between Felix and Jeongin, talking enthusiastically to Felix about updates coming to your beloved genshin while Jeongin zoned out beside you with headphones on deep into whatever he was doing on his phone. After a while the conversation died down and you felt someone tapping on your shoulder. Turning to look behind you, Seungmin flashed you a soft smile. “Do you plan on coming back to the dorm with us after dinner? We were gonna have some drinks and play Mario Kart since we have the day off tomorrow.” You turned to look at Felix, once again checking to make sure it was okay. Just a few days ago he didn’t even want to show you his face and now it seemed like you were being intertwined deeper within his life with every passing minute. The blonde looked nothing if not eager for you to agree, nodding to you with a bright and sunny smile on his face. “Please? I can show you my pc set up too oh my god I can’t wait for you to see it!” At that you couldn’t really say no, not that you wanted to. “Oh- okay sure I’d love to! I can’t wait to see it either I know you’ve talked about how much work you put into it for months!” Seungmin patted the freckled man on the shoulder and gave him a knowing look before he was met with a playful glare. You looked between them curiously but decided not to question it as you turned back to face forward as the van pulled into the parking lot for the restaurant.
After a somewhat eventual dinner where most of it was spent being practically fed food by all the members, eyes lit up at watching you try everything for the first time. Choruses of “oh try this, it’s my favorite!” and “you’re gonna love this, here take a bite” rang around you for nearly two hours as you all ate your full and chatted throughout.
Once you all arrived back at the dorms you were bid a goodnight by 3racha and their ferret, being ushered into the cuties dorm by an eager Felix as he practically pushed you through the living room before Minho shouted at the two of you to remove your shoes first. Giggling amongst yourself you did as told and then ran off to go see Felix’s set up.
Once your eyes landed on it you gasped, covering your mouth with both hands. “Lix, it’s beautiful-“ you said breathlessly as you slowly made your way to the desk in awe. Felix beamed proudly and leaned in the doorway. “I know, right? It’s almost perfect! There are still a few things here and there I wanna get before I’ll be truly happy with it but for now I’m content.” You looked back at him with astonishment before turning back to his pc. “Truly this is a masterpiece-“ he smiled at your words, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist. It felt comfortable like this, almost familiar though you knew it shouldn’t considering this is only the second time you’ve been face to face with each other. Still, you found yourself relaxing into his embrace, leaning against him as he swayed the two of you lightly and rested his head on top of your own.
You would have been content to stay like that had it not been for one Kim Seungmin barging in and letting you two know that the drinks and game had been set up and they were just waiting on you.
You blushed, pulling away from Felix to head to the living room but not before grabbing hold of his hand to pull him with you. Felix was a bit sad at the loss of you from his arms but quickly cheered up once your fingers interlocked with one another.
Several rounds of Mario Kart and a few too many drinks later and here you were head in your hands as you faced yet another defeat to Minho as he high fived second place jeongin who then turned around to stick a tongue out at the three of you remaining. “This is why I despise this game-“ you groaned, taking another shot of soju while Felix sat and stared at the screen in disbelief. “I was so close to winning until SOMEONE shot me with a damn blue shell!” He glared at Minho who shrugged, mimicking Jeongin by sticking out his tongue at the younger dancer. “Alls fair in love and racing.” He then winked, heading off to his room. “Losers clean up! I’m going to bed.”
The maknae followed his lead, still laughing a bit at the disappointment on your faces before shutting the door to his room behind him. “I demand a rematch soon!” You shouted at their backs, huffing a bit before laughing as well at how ridiculous it all was.
You, Seungmin, and Felix began cleaning up before you grabbed your phone and started to order a ride back to your hotel. “Woah hey, what are you doing?” Your friend questioned as he came up to you after taking out the trash. “Uh, going home? Well- to my hotel I mean..” he shook his head, taking your phone out of your grasp. “You can stay here.”
You gave him a look as if you thought he was being funny but the man just looked back at you with seriousness. “Are you…sure? I don’t exactly have a change of clothes or anything-“ “you can borrow some!” He responded as if it was the simplest conclusion. At your unsure expression he sighed, canceling the ride on your phone before handing it back to you. “I’m sure. You can take my bed and I’ll take the couch.”
Shaking your head furiously you gawked at him. “Uh no way am I kicking you out of your own bed when I could just leave-“ before you could even finish your sentence he was shutting you down again. “Well I don’t mind sharing a bed with you but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” At that you gave him a funny look before rolling your eyes, though a soft blush painted your cheeks. “Lee Felix I don’t think you could ever or would ever for that matter make me uncomfortable.” He laughed a bit at the exasperated tone you used, pulling you towards his room. “I’m taking that as a yes to a sleepover! I’ll get you something to sleep in-“ and with that he began rummaging around through his drawers.
Once you were dressed in a pair of his sweatpants and an old tshirt, Felix lent you a makeup wipe and after cleaning up your faces you both settled under the sheets of his bed, facing each other in the dark. “I haven’t had a sleepover since I was in middle school…” You giggled, snuggling deep under the comforter. “Me either- I’m so excited! Maybe in the morning we can convince Minho to make us breakfast if he isn’t too hungover.” You raised an eyebrow at him. “Or I could make breakfast since you let me stay over?” You suggested, giving him a smile. “But you’re a guest! I couldn’t do that-“ He gasped, shaking his head at the proposal. “Please? I want to. We could do it together it would be a bonding experience.” It was his turn to raise an eyebrow at you. “Have you seen any videos of me attempting to cook? Are you sure?” You laughed, giving his shoulder a light shove. “Have more faith in your abilities, and mine to keep things under control! We help each other out in games how much different could helping each other cook be?” He scoffed a bit, pretending to be hurt by your weak push to his shoulder.
“Hey uh….would it be okay if we- um…if we cuddled?” The blonde asked, voice just above a whisper. You beamed, choosing to snuggle up to him in lieu of an answer. Felix sighed in relief and pulled you closer. That familiar feeling bubbling up again as you began drifting off to sleep after such an eventful day.
“Goodnight, Starlight…” “Goodnight, Felix.”
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author’s note; oh my goodness that was a long one compared to the first chapter- I’m sorry if any of the ending bits with all the boys seemed rushed ૮꒰ “ . . ꒱ა my editor (aka my partner lol) was taking too long and I’m too impatient and wanted to go ahead and post for you all! Thank you guys so much for the support already on this series! It really means a lot to me I can’t wait to see how you all like the story as it continues on~ please feel free to ask questions or give feedback I love to hear from you all truly it makes my day so bright as I hope my writing does for you all! Also you’ll notice below I’ve started a tag list for this series if you would like to be added just lmk and I’d be more than happy to do so (if not that’s completely fine I still appreciate you checking the story out!) I also quickly wanna say I am not sure if I’ll have a concrete posting schedule- I work full time and my job can be mentally draining at times so whereas some days (like today) I can spend all my free time writing updates (and then get too excited and post them right away) and others I may not have the energy or mental capacity. I do apologize in advance but you should never have to go more than a week without an update at the very most~ anyways I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and are looking forward to what may come next ᕱᕱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖
tag list; @softkisshyunjin @coastinglove @palindrome969 @amara-mars
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44st4rs · 4 hours
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just thinking about Nanami and his gamer girlfriend <3
✫ ˚♡ ⋆。 ❀ —cw: 1.5k, teasing, dubcon, fem!reader, mean!nanami, oral, self indulgent
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“When was the last time you even came, Gorgeous?”
That’s the only thing on Nanami's mind these days. 
Though, it’s a question he already knew the answer to. Since he finally caved and purchased you the new handheld console, he’s been going to bed for the past three nights without his usual kisses, hugs, and the low whirrs of your thumbs clicking each button. He doesn’t have the heart to tell you how you’ve been ignoring yourself and him. So for the past three days, he’s been caught in a battle between earnestness and neglect.
Earnest clouds his heart at the sight of those mindless grins that crowd your lips. Nanami's glad you picked up a new hobby, indulging in an escape from reality. He relishes in all the little gasps and cheers that ring around the room from time to time, usually surrounding the completion of yet another level. 
Yet, it’s neglect that shrouds his mind, all his attempts at adoration being waved off. He knows better than to pry at you with gentle kisses and nudges, always resulting in yet another string of harsh glares and stubborn rambles. restless He doesn’t even know what to do with himself nowadays, especially when he manages to catch a break from the daily routines.
He’s gone one too many days without your genuine affection. With time on his side today, however, he plans on breaking your cold streak with the heat of his tongue. 
A part of him is rattling with excitement, diving into his latent primal urges for a boost in confidence. Usually, he likes to take the long route, tries to smother you in soft kisses, working you out of those clothes until you’re bare and begging for a break. But today…he’s willing to throw out his methods for a much more blunt approach.
And in his definition of blunt, he’s taking you right when you least expect it–during a heated match like in this very moment.
A heated match that pins you to the confines of the bed. He’s standing at the doorway admiring the sight of you donning one of his lounging-around tops. He didn’t notice any bottoms, which leads him to believe that you’re just wearing underwear underneath.  
Just the detail he needs to set his plan into motion.
Slow strides bring him to the foot of the bed, the mattress creaking beneath his prowling weight. You’ve left yourself wide open for an attack, your legs spayed far enough for his burly figure to fill the space. And he does just that, the sculpted broad of his shoulders grazing along your inner thighs
You’re somewhat aware of what Nanami’s intentions are—or might be, his eyes watching as you adjust around him. Suddenly, you’re opening up to Nanami, hoisting a leg over his shoulder and shifting that much closer to him. 
Just his luck that his theory’s right too—you are just wearing panties. Not just any pair, his favorite set of lacy red that thins out right over the puffy mounds of your pussy. 
He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t stuck at the picture you’ve painted right before his very eyes—because stuck is the only word he can describe himself with.
He’s twitching in his sweats, his hips barely rutting into the blanket. He doesn’t wish to cause a scene and ruin his fun, but fuck does the sight of your pussy get him every time?
“Angel…” he coos–but to no prevail, his call falls on deaf ears.
He’s giving you a chance to intervene, to see things from his point of view. But no, something about being nose-deep into the vibrant lights of the console interested you more than what Nanami’s planning.  
A grin creeps up along his lips—his gain, but your loss. 
He did try, but damn that game, your poor mind just lost any chance of winning the real battle at stake. Nanami’s so confident in his victory that he’s racing to claim his prize, his digits tugging back the hem of your shirt. 
“Hey, Baby, look at me for a second…please.”
That ‘please’ pulls your attention away from the screen, a needy Nanami is a rare sight to see. So when he finally does earn your eyes, he isn’t missing a beat to trap you beneath his searing trance of tourmaline.  
“Y’know, you’ve been so busy with that game, makes me wanna play one too.”
“Yeah?” you hum, “Which one?”
“Oh,” he muses dumbly, “ Just…one that I made up. Question is…do you wanna test it out with me?”
You nod whimsically, “Of course, Ken! What do you need me to do?”
“Just lay there and keep playing your game. I’ll let you know when its your turn, ‘kay, Pretty?”
Nanami hinges at the “okay” that falls from your lips, granting his fingers to move without a single thought. Before he knows it, he’s pulling your panties to sit along the inner crease of your thigh.  The worked palms of his hands tag onto your lax thighs, kneading the supple flesh as a means to ground his fleeting mind. 
Restraint’s the farthest thing in Nanami’s mind as he’s running the pad of his thumb to part the gentle skin. He couldn’t have became to anticipate what scene had come to meet his eyes– the pretty perked bulb of your clit, glossy folds sewn shut by the welling of your essence, down to the needy flutters of your slit.
He doesn’t dare give you—or himself, that sweet satisfaction of easing the growing tensions between your legs just yet. It’s more along the lines of that can’t give in, not after he’s suffered such neglect these past few days. So he’s thinking…why not play with you for a while? 
He has the grounds to play his game his way after all. And so, Nanami starts off his sick game with a tease, his thick digits ghosting past your folds, gradually slinking past the delicate gradient of pink and brown. You’re already so sticky to the touch, so sticky that his wandering path up to your clit is joined by the lewd chimes of your slick.
Nanami brings his thumb to hover at your clit. He could have been kinder, though…such hypotheticals were beyond him now considering the smothering flicks placed onto the glistening pearl. He guided each swipe along the hood with such care, flickering left and right so painstakingly slow that not a single nerve could’ve been ignored in his wake. 
God, was this fun? Burying your clit in gentle sways, pressing ever so deeply that the pangs of your own heart reverberated through his digit. His tongue shared in the growing rapture, hungrily settling over the splayed display of your cunt.
The broadened flat lay between your folds, tracing up to curl at the raw pearl of your clit. The relentless laps of his tongue don’t falter, serving you his specialty of hot, wet, and sloppy drags painting your pussy in his desire  
Nanami wasn’t interested in making you cum–of course he wasn’t. All he wanted was to try his hand at revenge, pushing through his only weakness of pleasing you just to turn that same ambition into torture. 
In the corner of his eyes, that’s when he saw it; the bright colors of the console now resting atop the soft duvets of the bed. The lithe fingers of your hands surfaced upon his head, keeping him steady in place. He could only snicker at the sudden display of urgency, delving himself further into you. Spools of spit withdrew from his mouth, spilling down along his curved pink muscle tongue and all over your poor pussy. 
He didn’t care how much of a mess he made of you, his focus narrowed in drawing those bundled lips of yours to a fall. Blinded by that goal alone had Nanami melting at the thought, throwing him down a self-sustained spiral. 
“Mmm, r-r-ight there, Ken! That feels so–”
“Now you can talk to me?” The question ripping off of Nanami’s soiled lips sharply. 
He parts from your pussy with a sweltering pop, leaving the poor bundle of nerves spry, hot, and begging for more of his attention. Nanami wastes no time to meet your gaze, peering at you with narrowed eyes. 
“Aw, what’s with that look on your face, Honey? Y’know I hate when you pout like that.”
His very words mock you, he’s more shocked that you have the energy to pout. Because in Nanami’s mind, that cute little pout you wear along with the strained knit falling upon your brows is nothing but pure satire to him. If frustration just now crowds your features, then what could the hellish neglect he’d endured for the past three days be hailed to? 
Sure, it’s deviously spiteful of him as he reaches for the discarded console, promptly placing it onto your tummy without a care. He doesn’t care what you say or do anymore, not when he’s found his own hobby, thanks to you. 
“Go on, Y/N. Just keep focusing on the game. Don’t mind me…I’m busy with my own game too.”
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expelliarmus · 1 year
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kaladinkholins · 1 month
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yeah taimizu IS toxic and off putting actually ‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️
EDIT: TO BE CLEAR THIS IS A POST IN FAVOUR OF TAIMIZU!!! I AM A DIRTY TAIMIZU SHIPPER!!!!!
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cerise-on-top · 3 months
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Hiiiiiiiii how are you? Id like to request a farah with a extremely hyper energetic and bubbly reader🫶🏻🫶🏻
Hello! I'm doing fine! I went to my country house for the first time this year and grilled some sausages and meat with my parents, so I had a pretty good day today!
Farah with an Energetic and Bubbly Reader
It would most definitely be different from what she’s used to, being surrounded by serious, and mostly grumpy people at all times. But it’s not like you could blame them either, they’re at war and need to be alert, not having the time to be cheerful. SO having you along is definitely a breath of fresh air. Someone, who doesn’t think of all the bad things that could happen at any point in time. You’re always up for an adventure, even if Farah doesn’t always have the time for them. Don’t get me wrong, she’d love nothing more than to explore the world with you, go inside every forest and every cave just to see some cute animals and maybe pet them, but she can’t unfortunately. Even so, she can appreciate you being this bubbly, it’s nice. You may talk a lot, but that’s alright, sometimes she’s too tired to talk anyway and lets you take the lead. Not having to think about all the godawful things war brings with it for a few moments is nice, especially if it’s because of a loved one. Besides, you’re always in a good mood, and it rubs off on her as well, leaving her smiling and thinking about the time you pet a cat and ushered her to do the same as you held the mammal out towards her. You having a lot of energy can be a bit exhausting to her at times, though. Sometimes, when she’s tired, she just wants to rest a bit, but you always wanna do big things with her. She’d love to, again, but she can’t always. But once all of this is over, she’s gonna take you to an amusement park. Not because she’s never been to one, definitely not because of that, but because they seem like something you would enjoy. However, on those days where she has a bit more energy as well, you’re more than welcome to dance with her, or maybe even race each other to the top of one of the hills nearby. Farah wants nothing more than to share her country with you, especially the good things such as the culture and the landscape, so she would never say no to the both of you going outside when you can, provided the times are a bit more peaceful. If she’s feeling especially playful, or if you’re being too energetic, Farah will tire you out a bit by play fighting with you. Good luck trying to beat her. She may play fair with you, but that doesn’t mean she won’t go all out trying to get you to calm down a bit. However, she will apologize if she accidentally hurts you, such a thing was never her intention.
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good-beanswrites · 10 months
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Hello! I really really really love your writting, I just got into Milgram and yours is my favourite in the fandom!! I love how much depth and nuance you manage to fit into short stories and your characterization is on point! (Specially for Kazui, but I might be biased since I love him so much)
I'm not sure if you're still taking requests (if you're not, feel free to ignore!), but if you are I wanted to request Tears + Kazui
(I thought about maybe the old man finally having a moment where the mask falls? When keeping up the image he's built gets tiring, how does he deal with it, and is he by himself or is there someone nearby? Then again, just an ideia, have fun and take your time!!!)
Woo welcome to the fandom! And thank you so much omg, that's so kind!! ;--; I really like that concept -- I definitely think he'd only allow himself a break from the masks when he's completely alone, and even then it'd be hard to draw out of him, so I went for an unexpected release and even more unexpected company... (Haruka :3)
Kazui woke from a dream, immediately unable to stop his eyes from brimming with tears. It hadn’t been a nightmare. It hadn’t shown him broken glass, or blood, or screaming. He hadn’t faced another night staring into Hinako’s twisted expression. No, the dream was wonderful. He was happy. He was in love. He was just… himself. As he rolled over in his sheets, he couldn’t tell if it was the longing that made him cry, or the guilt of longing so deeply for something like that.
It was easier, there in the dark. He didn’t have to keep his cheeks raised in a pleasant look. He didn’t have to hold his chin high. He could hug his arms around himself, not worry about all those eyes on him, and cry for the life he would never have.
He’d kept the thoughts at bay for so long, there was something equally painful and relieving about facing them head-on. The more his body shook with sobs, the better he felt about the weight he’d been carrying on his shoulders. The more he thought about who he was, the worse he felt about being doomed in this life. As always, he was split in two.
“K-Kazui?” 
His stomach clenched in both shock and shame. He kept his face away from the cell bars. He coughed, though it did little to hide the thickness in his voice when he spoke. “Haruka? What are you doing out there?”
“Ah, um! I’m sorry! I was just getting s-some water.”
Kazui desperately scrambled for any kind of excuse to explain the sorry state he was in. Haruka continued, though. 
“It’s- it’s okay if you’re crying.”
His throat squeezed. How pathetic he must be, for a kid like Haruka to try and comfort him.
“No, no. I’m alright.”
“I cry in my cell all the time. And Muu comes in so we can talk. I feel m-much better after that.” His feet shuffled outside. “Do you… uh… do you want to talk? I’m not as smart as Muu, b-but it might help.”
Kazui kept his pained smile hidden. It was an incredibly kind gesture, to be sure, but the boy would never understand. He could open up about everything that had happened in the past forty years, and there was no way Haruka would understand a bit of it.
It was easy to dodge the question. When under the spotlight, he’d found it was helpful to place the attention on someone else. “What do you talk to Muu about?”
“Uh! Well.” There was more shuffling, and Kazui realized he was coming to sit right next to the cell. He hadn’t meant it as an invitation to stay... 
He rolled onto his back, hoping his face was still obscured in the shadows of the panopticon.
“I usually cry because… I’m not like everyone else.” Haruka said. “I don’t-don’t know why. I don’t know why everyone else can be normal and I j-just can’t. I try so hard. I try so hard. If I could be like them, m-maybe my mom would’ve loved me. M-maybe she wouldn’t think I was broken all the time. M-maybe,” he got quiet, “no one would have died.”
Kazui stared up at the ceiling. A few more tears slipped down his face. It looked like an old man like him could still be wrong, now and then. “And… what does Muu tell you, to comfort you?”
“Oh, she tells me lots of nice things. Mostly that she loves me very much.” Kazui could hear the smile in his voice. “And she also says that… that it wasn’t my fault. That there’s nothing wrong with being me. That we can’t be anyone d-different, even if we want to more than anything in the whole wide world. She says, she says people were mean to her too, just because of who she was.”
“Yeah?” The younger prisoners had avoided someone as intimidating as him, so he never heard much about Muu’s reason for being here. 
“Mhm. She said they would say all these awful things, b-because there was this one girl in her class, and… and, well… things were…” Haruka stopped. “Ah! I didn’t mean to make you cry again! I’m s-so sorry…”
Kazui sucked in a shaking breath. “No, I’m sorry you have to hear all this from me. It’s good, though. It’s really good.” 
“O-oh…?”
“I just realized, I’m a lot like that too.” 
Kazui didn’t know what possessed him to continue. He’d been hiding things for so long, he thought he’d be better at keeping it in. It must have been something about the darkness of the hour, and Haruka’s complete innocence, and the dream that still lingered around heart. 
“When I was her age, there was someone in my class like that. He was… well, I’m sure you know. My parents also said I was in need of fixing. I’m sorry you had to go through that too.”
Haruka let out a small sound of acknowledgement.
“You should head to bed, now. It’s late.”
“R-right. Sorry, again!”
“Don’t be. I think I needed this.”
Once Haruka’s footsteps had rounded the panopticon, Kazui brought his arm up to cover his eyes. He knew he had plenty of blood on his hands for what he’d done. This was his fault. But regarding who he was…
A sound rocked through his chest, something between a sob and a laugh. It was nice to think there was nothing wrong with that, after all.
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whentherewerebicycles · 6 months
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therapy was “helpful” and I “liked it” and sigh I’ll “keep going”
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ereborne · 1 month
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Song of the Day: May 3
"Life Less Frightening" by Rise Against
#song of the day#'I don't ask for much / truth be told I'd settle / for a life less frightening'#another song that when I sing it alone it doesn't sound much like the original but I do so like to sing it#check me stirring my roux humming 'these lives we live test negative for happiness' sweetly to myself#today was Friday and I'm still trying to decide if I'm satisfied with the amount of work I got done this week#I suppose I'll have to be#I had my weekly report meeting and again the updates my boss asked for in the meeting were not the ones she asked me to prepare#so I split-screened her and delivered the prepared updates as I frantically opened and updated the new request#and then when she finished making politely falsely interested sounds (I'm not bitter I'm not I'm not) she asked again for the new update#and by then I had it ready! saved it as I brought up the share-screen and showed it to her#too frustrated in the moment to be properly proud of myself but now it's hours later and I'm feeling a little smug about it#little back-pats for me#I have something like a project timeline worked out for the idiot project#and I did some good work in the garden (nasturtium growing up the post under the bird feeder. very pleased it took the transplant so well)#and I sooooort of sorted the freezer stuff. kind of. mostly we ate the things I wanted to rearrange but I've got a plan for moving forward#the last non-work thing I'd really wanted to accomplish this week was getting my queue set up again here#I've gone through my drafts and done some prep but as you can see the queue isn't actually running again yet#hopefully I'll do that tomorrow. we'll see how it goes#the queue may have to wait until Sunday because I must confess if I can accomplish only one single solitary thing tomorrow#I would like it to be six hours of uninterrupted sleep. may it please the gods I shall rest tomorrow. blessed weekend#edit: wait wait I'm a fool I'm a fool I just typed 'May 3' and still I am a fool#it's May the Fourth!!#happy star wars day my loves if I don't get the queue up today after all#it's because I'm reshuffling everything because I've got a new influx of SW posts to distribute!!
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carcarrot · 1 month
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nothing better than insanely researching what is the best kind of a certain product to buy today and finding out that you should just get one made 50 years ago
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transgendersquiddo · 1 year
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Bro I literally obsessed with the casino quartet now plssssss tell us more
omg . actually a lot of my Thoughts about them r au based but ^_^ i think while i am here i might as well share that they're named that is bc the idea of all of them working in a casino 2gether rlly caught on!! (this was mostly brought up by thegalacticbucket and things just sorta snowballed from there .)
anyways the fun dynamic between them is that red's a dealer + deals with the finances with clown, clowns the owner of the casino and manages the casino, branzy is there as eye-candy branzy is the shill aka he gets the games rigged for him so people r more inclined to gamble more bc he's winning a lot + he encourages them, and ash is the bartender! he has arm garters and makes drinks for all of them after hours
so dats the fun history lesson 2 why the 2 fics of them atm have 2 do w/ them working at a casino and chilling w each other and why they're called casino quartet ^_^ hope u enjoyed the Lore
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coquelicoq · 1 year
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thanks to some extremely wordy 19th-century authors i won't name, my baseline for book length has become so skewed. just finished my current library books and have a few days before i can go to the library to get my holds so i was like, hmm, what should i read in the meantime? how about...this 900-page novel i found on the side of the road?
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howtodigatrench · 8 months
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cringetober days 7-12 ! full lines for day 7 and link to base used below ^^;
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https://href.li/?https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421790321358680447/
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slugandthorn · 2 months
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Putting my journal down realizing maybe I shouldn't make a written plan to socialize more efficiently
#.txt#Is efficiently the right word. Diary entry incoming.#Going back and forth in recent days with feeling okay with one sided social stimulation and that's just kind of how my brain works#And recognizing I will not look like a well rounded person because I'm not able to maintain other people's interest in an acquaintanceship#It is likely. At least some part due to like labor isolation and all I do is work I do not have life events to interest people#All I can talk about is video games but incredibly limits the social pool because I like bad games.#And also to some degree distrust and the assumption my presence is unwanted. Which I've been working on a lot!#Today in particular is probably just a bad day.#And I have been very focused on life plans for the past week or so which has become very daunting#Planning on starting a business this year. Which is probably why I'm stressing about being able to reach people.#As it will become financially relevant and not just a personal failing I have accepted.#Reasonably it is probably a therapy thing to address being so afraid of other people. But I do not want to go to therapyyyy I'll do it.#Myself.#Normally.#Not dipping into woe is me I have no one territory at least as bad as I did when I was younger. Recognizing a pattern that I am enacting.#My responsibility to improve. Yada yada. I just wish it was a bit easier to feel my like. Presence.#And the constant improvement mindset straying into never good enough is very difficult to avoid.#And it's not a matter of being a good enough person to have close relationships. But I think its easiest to ascribe personal failure#When you are unable to do something. Well the most likely culprit is probably never leaving the house and being undiagnosed.#Which I can arguably do things about.#Also I'm tired. But I'm going to work on my resume tonight anyway and hope tummy pain passes and maybe talking to people will be easier#Another day.
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lunaetis · 4 months
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the change eden adapted due to the triggering events in penacony reminds me a little of lumine in inazuma. we see the way lumine hardened when she arrived in inazuma due to the experience she had prior. later on, however, lumine found it in herself to open up again as the story progressed very much thanks to the people she met. i do hope that once the ordeal in penacony is over, that eden would have the chance to learn to place her trust in people again. another thing is that, i do believe that lumine has higher tolerance for emotionally stressful situations because she had been alive for a long long time, while eden's mentality is similar to that of a child after being awakened in a blank state. lumine had gone through many things, i believe she had seen wars, bloodshed, and had killed before. her mental stability is much stronger than eden who was still learning and developing developing through experience and meetings.
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toastsnaffler · 8 months
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i keep getting irrationally miffed at ppl 😐😐
#'impressed by how much u can talk abt this considering youve not played either game'#fuck off. as if im not just trying to show interest bc u + another friend are both into them + constantly talk abt them in our gc!!#i mean since u guys talk abt them all the time + theyre huge on tumblr like. it would be hard for me to not know anything abt them at all#literally what else can i talk to u guys abt anyway. i dont think there are any interests i personally have that they both gaf abt#if anything they actively dislike most of the things im hyperfixated on. or at least she does so like i cant bring that up can i.#all i did was share a post i saw on tumblr that i thought was funny. its not like i had some negative/controversial opinion#i just saw it and thought hey that makes me think of my friends bc they like those things maybe theyll find it funny too!!#dog sitting outside the door with rly big sad eyes offering them a stick i found in a puddle#i like listening to them talk and i will eventually play some of the games theyre into myself cuz they make them sound rly cool#and even if theyre not my kind of thing i like sharing interests with other ppl and sometimes thats enough for me to be able to enjoy it#i literally own some of them already but im just not in the mental space to start smth new right now. which i have SAID!!!!#why do u even care girl. as if u dont already have a ton of friends playing it that ur talking to abt it???? i wont have anything to add#and thats not gonna stop u from being able to talk to me abt it anyway????? like 2/3 of our conversations atm are abt bg3#man. i know its not that deep but it makes me kinda sad for some reason. im just trying. i guess next time ill just let u guys talk-#to each other or at me and not comment or say anything so u can pretend im not here or whatever it is u want#ughh. she probably didnt even mean it like that and ill feel stupid for getting annoyed and delete this later but whatever.#might work out early today and then i can like draw or play a game or smth the rest of the day. alright lets go#.vent#listening to my silly little jfunk/jazz/soul playlist and i already feel over it. healing
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kimtranssexler · 10 months
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I need to stop drinking every night before bed. It’s definitely not a problem yet, like it actually genuinely isn’t, but logically I feel it will become one if I don’t stop
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