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stitch1830 · 2 years

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1-15 Kantoph. (Did you really think I wouldn't do it?)

I'm kidding. Kantoph for #11 please!

Krast tryna overwhelm me with Kantoph asks and it's working!

Lmao jk jk, I'm gonna see if we naturally get all 15 Kantoph asks, but I'll probably end up doing them all at some point 0-0. But for yours, I did a bit of a spin on this quote because I got this idea from one of our conversations with the Kantoph group way back when and it's been in my mind rent free for a few days. Still, hope you enjoy it! :)

Also, here's a story I wrote with basically the same quote for Kantoph haha. In case you were feeling deprived of Kantoph fluff.

......

Kantoph - #11 - “Let’s go, I’ll buy you dinner. And maybe breakfast.”

After spending months away from Republic City, Sokka was ready for the boat to dock. Spirits, it had been ages since he’d seen his friends, it actually made his heart ache.

But he was home now, and that was all that mattered.

He expected the whole lot of them to be waiting for him at the docks at the crack of dawn, but only Aang was there. Perhaps the warrior was a little disappointed. After all, his friends weren’t graced with his presence for months as well… He thought Toph and Kanto would be there at least.

When he landed on the dock and gathered his belongings, Aang flew into his arms, basically knocking everything out of his hands.

“Buddy! You’re back!” Aang exclaimed. “How was home? How was the Fire Nation?” “Everything is good! Family is good, just been wondering the same about you guys here,” Sokka replied.

“Oh! Yeah, lots has changed, I’ll let Toph and Kanto tell you everything. They should be at home, but I’ve got to run. Duty calls!” With that, Aang flew away before Sokka even had time to really respond.

“Oh—okay. Bye, Aang,” he said, surprised by the abruptness of it all. But, he made his way to Toph’s place, hoping to receive an even warmer welcome from his two best friends.

When he approached the door, Sokka heard a commotion, a muffled yell or a borderline shrill of his best friend in the whole world. The door flew open before he could even knock, and a wall crashed into him. “Sokka! You’re home!” Toph exclaimed.

Sokka grinned from ear to ear. “I am!”

Toph only released her grip so that Kanto could hug him, his embrace as tight and crushing as Toph’s. “Good to see you, buddy!”

“Glad to be home, that’s for sure!” he grinned. When Kanto let go of Sokka and stood next to Toph, Sokka asked, “So what’s up, you guys?? Aang had to ditch me at the docks but he said you guys had new—woah!”

Toph and Kanto laughed at Sokka’s shock, but in his defense, his surprise was warranted.

Because when he finally took a second to actually look at his friends, he saw Kanto with the biggest, most crooked grin he’d ever seen, and Toph positively glowing, her belly showing even through her loose-fitted shirt.

His mouth was still open as he stuttered, “You—a—a baby!”

Toph laughed. “Yeah, a baby. Thanks for putting it so eloquently, too.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!”

“We found out just after you left, and Toph and I really wanted to tell you in person,” Kanto explained. “But yeah, Baby Beifong due by the start of winter.”

“A baby,” Sokka marveled again. His best friends were having a baby, and he couldn’t have been happier for them. Their lives were going to change, hopefully for the better, but still. This was a big change!

Then the panic set in for the warrior. His hands flew to his face as he cried out, “Oh spirits, my best friends are having a baby! I’m so not ready for this.”

“You don’t need to be ready for jack shit, doofus,” Toph teased.

“Still!” he persisted. “This is a big responsibility! What if I’m not cut out for it??”

“Okay bro,” Kanto said as he stifled a laugh. “You’ve been traveling a lot today. Let’s go get some food before you go crazy. I’ll buy breakfast.”

“Or is it dinner for you?” Toph asked, smirking.

As if on cue, Sokka’s stomach growled. Spirits, he hadn’t had a proper meal that whole trip back to the city, and he was only starting to notice now. “I’ll take breakfast, lunch, and dinner, please,” he replied.

Toph gave Sokka a swift punch to the shoulder. “There’s the Meathead we know and love.”

The three of them laughed as they walked into the city, ready to catch up on food and conversation.

......

Send me prompts for ATLA ships!

#kantoph #toph #toph beifong #kanto #sokka #aang #atla #lok #writing #quote writing prompts #part 5 #hopefully it doesn't suck lmao #dw i've got another one of these to do #it'll probably be worse than this but that's okay! :D

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legendarymasterwolf · 3 years

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My Top 10 Favorite Video Games

Now that The Last of Us Part 2 and Ghost of Tsushima are out and I’ve finished both, I’ve decided to finally compile a list of my top ten favorite games I’ve played and have revisited over time. This is my own personal list, make no judgments based on what is here.

And awaaaaaaaaaay we go!

10: Ghost of Tsushima

I’ve never played a game that scratched that samurai itch before, and this one totally did it for me. Whether it was the standoffs straight out of a Kurosawa film, or the ability to scare the shit out of Mongols, or riding through a beautifully rendered world viewed through one of the most natural HUDs I’ve ever seen, I loved this game. Sure, it may be leaving this list once Cyberpunk 2077 comes out, but for now, it takes the tenth spot.

9: Star Wars: The Old Republic

Still one of my favorite Star Wars games. This was the first MMORPG I played where my character actually had a voice. I know, it’s a little thing, but I still like it. Whenever I have a spare moment on the road, a decent connection, and some time to chill, I fire up this game. Plus, it’s still operating even with Disney owning the franchise now, so there’s that.

8: Wolfenstein: The New Colossus

Still scarily relevant at the time of writing (hopefully not for much longer) and one of the best modern reinventions of a protagonist from a classic series. Also, shooting, hacking, and exploding Nazis and Klan members will never get old, no matter how many conservative man-children say otherwise. Plus, there’s one of best female characters in gaming, Grace Walker, who’s got some of the best lines in the game and some great commentary on masculinity.

7: “Assassin’s Creed” Series

I’m cheating here, but I can’t just choose one game from this series. One of the first games I played when I got a PC was Revelations. I played through the rest of them in the year that followed and I became hooked. So hooked, that I got both the Ezio Collection and AC3 Remastered for PS4 when the opportunity came (though the latter was just because it was on the Odyssey Season Pass). Odyssey was the first AC game I platinumed and, barring a few missteps here and there, I loved it. I can’t freaking wait for Valhalla.

6: “Persona” Series

I was just going to have Persona 5 Royal in this spot, despite still not finishing it (damn Okumura boss fight), but I’ve also got Persona 4 Golden and am loving it, so now I need to get Persona 3 whenever Sega decides to port the game to PC. Each game is set in a high school with an other world where your inner self is revealed. The social links system is great and you're basically playing an anime, complete with filler and everything. Some of them have surprisingly relevant themes, too(P5 fans know what I'm talking about). Now to finish them at some point.

5: Marvel’s Spider-Man

A game better than Spider-Man 2: The Game? No one thought it was possible until this came out. The web swinging has weight to it, the acting is great (props to Yuri Lowenthal), and the story, which Dan Slott contributed to, is a fantastic original Spider-Man story. Also, this happened to be the game that convinced me to buy a PS4. Can't wait for Miles Morales.

4: Disco Elysium

When I heard about this game, I knew I had to play it. It's not like any other isometric RPG I've played. In it, you play as an alcoholic detective waking up after a three day bender to find himself with amnesia and 24 distinct personalities that are always clashing, especially when you’re in conversation with an NPC. The story progresses as you try to piece together not only the case you were assigned to, but why you drank for three days straight to forget the case altogether. It’s batshit nuts and I love it. It also runs fairly well on my laptop, with a console port on the way. Also, still need to finish it. I know, my backlog is huge.

3: Red Dead Redemption 2

I never really got into the original RDR, mainly because I didn’t get a console until Christmas 2018. Thankfully, RDR2 is a prequel to the original game, set in the last years of the Old West, so it was easy to get into. While it did take a while for the game to get going and its storage size is massive (105 GB, WTF), when I finally powered on through and played the rest of the story, I was treated to some of the best characters I’ve seen in a game along with a story so heartbreaking, I was tearing up by the credits. Sure, the realism did become annoying to an extent, I could have done without the Guarma chapter, and the epilogue was four hours too long, but regardless, this is still one of my favorite depictions of the Wild West I’ve ever played.

2: “The Last of Us” Series

If the story for RDR2 was heartbreaking, then this series shattered my heart, pieced it back together, shattered it again, and then gave me hope to mend it in the future. I can’t choose between either Part 1 or Part 2, because I think both games are not only brilliant, but oversimplified when it comes to their themes. If we’re being simple about it, Part 1 is about Love and Part 2 is about Hate. In actuality, Part 1 is about the lengths we are willing to go for the ones we love and Part 2 is about the cycle of hate and how love can break it. Beyond the story (going to finally do that Part 2 breakdown in the future), the gameplay in both games is entertaining, the graphics look breathtaking (Part 2 has ruined all other games for me when it comes to graphics), the music is on point, and the performances are some of the best ones I’ve seen for a video game. This series set a new standard for how we see games and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for it. I don’t even mind waiting another seven years or so for the next one!

1: The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

While the other games on this list are fantastic, they don’t hold a candle to the game that first inspired me to start thinking about making this list. This was the first game where, when I got to the credits, I felt not joy at completing another game, but sadness at the story finally being over. Geralt of Rivia’s final tale is still my favorite for its choices with no clear terms of morality, monster hunting missions that kept me enthralled even if some of the creatures scared the shit out of me (fucking Aracnomorphs), and the chance to have some fun with several members of the opposite sex (I regret nothing). Oh, and Gwent. Can’t forget Gwent. CD Projekt RED still remains one of my favorite developers to this day and I can’t wait for Cyberpunk 2077 to finally release in December (when it’s ready!!!).

And there you have it, my Top 10 Favorite Video Games I've played so far. This list is definitely going to change in the next couple months once I finish Watch Dogs: Legion and Cyberpunk 2077, but for now, this is how it is (AC already has an entry here, and Valhalla won't change that).

I may be putting my energy into that TLOU Part 2 Breakdown of my thoughts along with that Ellie/Dina fic I've been working on, so expect those at some point.

If you haven't already, go out and vote! Stay safe!

Lemme know what you think!

Until then!

#ghost of tsushima #swtor #wolfenstein the new colossus #assassin's creed #persona #marvel's spider-man #disco elysium #rdr2 #the last of us #the witcher 3 #video games

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piermanwalter · 4 years

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Harlan-Ellison-Scale Unhinged Star Wars Fanfic Idea

After Order 66, Echo’s mind is in a gleeful haze. The same wonderful feeling he felt after carrying out an order, he now felt at a low level all the time. But a strange voice in his head keeps encouraging him to defy Imperial authority.

Echo is convinced the voice in his head is a hidden Jedi survivor using the Force to communicate with him. After a painful goodbye to his squadmates who no longer acknowledge him, Echo escapes to find the source of the voice. The voice helps him travel far away and Echo tries to find out as much about this person as possible, although they seem reluctant to give any personal information.

This person shows extreme proficiency in machines and equally extreme confidence. Was it Anakin?

When Anakin Skywalker killed the Separatist Council on Mustafar, Wat Tambor’s death activated the transfer of his consciousness into Echo and now he has to share a brain with this atrocious creature, who is quickly becoming the only familiar thing in an increasingly unrecognisable galaxy.

Thus Echo embarks on a great quest to get rid of what is essentially a demonic possession by finding a Techno Union base to upload him into. This is harder than first assumed because the Empire is occupying most of them.

Wat Tambor can tap into all of Echo’s senses and memories and can override his mechanical components. I’m envisioning a scene where Echo is trying to claw himself towards someone familiar with his one organic arm while the rest of his limbs are dragging him away.

Echo keeps Wat Tambor in line by threatening to get his implants surgically removed, but Wat retaliates by threatening to delete Echo’s memories. Wat can’t actually erase memories formed before the brain implants but he manages to gaslight Echo into believing he can. “Do you remember your Bad Batch squadmate Sapper? No? Do as I say or Fives is next.”

Echo finally catches on and figures out he can lose the implants without much consequence. After finding a doctor willing to operate on him, Echo falls unconscious from anaesthetic and when he wakes up, the implants are still in him and the doctor is dead on the floor.

Echo goes to sleep and wakes up in a different room. He realises Wat Tambor gains total control of his body when he’s asleep and stays up for nine straight days. This leads to disaster and Echo resigns himself to never knowing what Wat does while he’s asleep.

Echo starts hallucinating Wat Tambor in crowds. Echo stands above a trash compactor so he can hallucinate Wat Tambor getting crushed and Wat enacts vengeance by forcing Echo to remember getting blown up. They stay like that for several hours until security kicks them out.

Echo wakes up and his arm is a rotary cannon.

Wat Tambor tries to get a brand new starship and finds out he’s been locked out of all his bank accounts and then Echo’s like, “Can’t buy yourself out of this one, rich boy? Hahaha. Shut the fuck up.” Attempting to withdraw from that account sent an alarm for a strike force to their location and they nearly die.

Advantages of being piloted by a war criminal: 24-hour vigilance, knowledge of obscure topics and languages, he occasionally does useful things while Echo is asleep, fix and hack basically everything, sublime dual-wielding

Disadvantages of being piloted by a war criminal: holy fucking shit this needs no further explanation

Echo rescues another clone trooper and Wat Tambor demands to surgically remove his control chip to prevent him from turning on them. Echo doesn’t trust Wat with any clones’ brains after what Wat did to him and refuses. Surprisingly, Wat doesn’t remove the chip while Echo is asleep. With a brother to talk to, Echo hallucinates less and is easily able to regain control of his mechanical limbs. And then the clone is forced to betray him for the Empire and Echo has to kill him. While Echo is devastated, Wat’s like, “What did you expect, moron? You should have let me operate on him.”

Echo finally calls out Wat Tambor for everything he did and Wat’s counterargument is like, “I haven’t done anything to you that the Republic didn’t do first or I haven’t done to myself. Your creation is an investment by the Republic, as is your enhancement an investment by the Techno Union, as is my career an investment by Skako. Don’t judge me by human morality.” and then Echo’s like “Fine I’ll judge you by the morality of your own species. So you’re an investment? You blew octillions of credits on a war and you still lost. The Empire owns everything you ever made. Your people are blockaded and starving in the Deep Core. What a big fucking payoff you turned out to be.”, which manages to silence Wat Tambor for a blessed two weeks.

Now with the upper hand in his own brain, Echo breaks into Wat Tambor’s file directory and tries to delete him by force. Echo can’t delete anything but Wat also can’t make him leave, so he gets redirected through a series of increasingly terrible memories, starting from Wat’s perspective on Echo’s own cyborg conversion and steadily getting worse. What he sees is so horrific and incomprehensible Echo never tries to access Wat’s directory again. Echo’s hallucinations increase and Wat Tambor now appears every time he speaks. He’s very smug about this.

Echo encounters Imperial Death Troopers which sends him into blind rage as he realises all of his brothers were destined to either die early or become a cyborg just like him. Wat is also mad because the Empire stole his idea.

Echo finds a secret Techno Union droid factory that is now occupied by the Empire and being used to make security droids. He resolves to dump Wat there or die trying. Echo poses as a Death Trooper stationed in the same system and tries to work his way into being allowed into the secret factory. Despite everything he befriends his new squadmates whose personalities haven’t been completely consumed by cybernetics. Echo still needs to get rid of Wat so he finally gets his act together and breaks into the factory, gets arrested, and is locked in a cell awaiting reeducation.

Echo blacks out for three days and wakes up in a stolen shuttle. Both the Imperial base and droid factory are giant craters. Wat Tambor is still there. Echo’s like, “How did you blow up the base?” and Wat’s like, “Yes.” and Echo’s like, “That’s not a fucking answer. Why didn’t you upload yourself into the droid factory like we planned?” and Wat’s like, “Would you want to live in a sarlacc pit?” and Echo’s like “Why didn’t you tell me you don’t want to live in that factory so I don’t spend half a year doing stupid bullshit?” and Wat’s like, “Is a vacation.” and Echo’s like, “Shut the fuck up. You fucking salad. Get the fuck out of my head.” and Wat’s like, “Vacation is over. It’s time to find another Techno Union facility.” and Echo’s like, “You killed all my new friends.” and Wat’s like, “I didn’t kill your new friends. You did. And you will do it again if you keep wasting my time like this.”

Echo finds people he trusts and tries to explain there’s a Separatist leader occupying his brain. Naturally they don’t believe him and ask him to prove it by saying something only Wat Tambor would know, but Wat doesn’t say anything and Echo is seen as insane.

One second Echo is intentionally drinking the nastiest soup in his life out of spite at a dingy cantina on Nar Shadda and he blinks and then he’s covered with jewellery in a Coruscant casino. Initially he assumes Wat is up to his usual motherfuckery again and finds a lonely balcony to yell at him, but gets no reply. Echo goes into a crowd to trigger a hallucination but still nothing. Steeling himself, Echo breaks into Wat Tambor’s cursed directory but it’s completely empty except for one text file. It reads:

CT-1409 you easily manipulated idiot. If you are reading this, you successfully uploaded me into a suitable Techno Union facility. I have deleted the last three months of your memory to prevent anyone from finding me through you. The timing of my departure is purposefully unclear. Don’t look for me.

Out of habit Echo’s like, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” but there’s still no reply. The file deletes itself and Echo is left wondering if Wat Tambor really did occupy his brain or if he just lost his mind for the last year.

The noise in the casino is getting to him and Echo cashes the thick stacks of gambling chips he found in his pockets before leaving. There’s what appears to be a keycard in his pocket and while Echo’s trying to figure out what it could be for, a huge droid runs up, hits him in the stomach with the corner of a metal case, and leaves before he can react. There’s a rotary cannon in the case.

#star wars #clone wars #echo #wat tambor #graphic injuries #psychological horror #long post #this is basically fanfiction

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queensofrap · 5 years

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Cardi B in the March 2019 issue of Harper’s BAZAAR. QUEEN.

Cardi B Opens Up About Her "Rags to Riches" Cinderella Story

When Cardi B visits her favorite nail salon in the Bronx, she enters through a raggedy hallway covered with a rug emblazoned with the image of a $100 bill. The salon, which overlooks a bustling avenue of pizza shops, sports-gear superstores, and boutiques with weaves in 70 colors, is a temple to money, excess, and sexiness, symbolized in the application of nails that look like diamond-encrusted Buck knives. Portraits of two icons of pulchritude hang on the walls—namely, Marilyn Monroe and the very 2019 version of Marilyn: Cardi.

With a posse that includes her dad, her half-sister, her half-brother, and two Drogosize bodyguards whose names I don’t catch but imagine to be Bulwark and Spear, Cardi, 26, heads toward a private side room. She surrenders her hands and feet to Jenny Bui, her sharp-tongued nail tech of more than half a decade, even back when she didn’t have the money to move out of this borough.

A tiny, makeup-less sprite in magenta leggings and a playful Moschino sweatshirt, Cardi talks about where she’s at today. On one hand, she says, “I feel like my life is a fairy tale and I’m a princess—rags to riches, people trying to sabotage,” she says. But she also complains fervently about being over the fairy-tale life and wanting peace and quiet. “Before, I cared about everything—relationship, gossip. Now I don’t feel like I have the time to please people,” she explains. “I don’t care about anything anymore—just my career and my kid.” What about money, the thing she raps about caring for quite a bit? “Well, I care about my career because of my money,” Cardi says, giving me a “c’mon, stupid” face.

“Before,” in this context, means before the tectonic shifts that have taken place in Cardi’s life in the past year: that she became a global superstar; relocated from New York to Atlanta to live with the charismatic rapper Offset, her new husband; gave birth to an unplanned but much loved daughter, Kulture Kiari, in July; then, five months later, after the drip-drip-drip of rumors about Offset’s infidelity, announced on Instagram that the marriage was over.

Today Cardi tells me that Offset has been to her apartment, but they haven’t seen each other and are “not really” talking, which is a bit hard to believe after she shows me videos of her gurgling baby on her iPhone and happens to scroll past a photo of Offset with a time stamp reading today. When I ask her if she’s getting back with Offset, I can almost hear her curious entourage, who have arranged themselves on sofas on the perimeter of the room, lean forward to catch the answer. For a moment, the only sound is Bui engaging in some hard-hat-level sanding and scraping of the star’s three-inch nails. Then Cardi says both, “I don’t think so,” and “Who knows? You never know, you can never tell,” neither of which is exactly a definitive answer.

I’ve interviewed dozens of pop stars, and Cardi, despite the massive entourage and the bear-claw-like nails, seems the most normal. She’s not the most down-to-earth or the most perfect, and she’s definitely not the least into social media, but she knows who she is and where she came from, and has somehow managed to keep expressing genuine emotions in the face of blockbuster success. And while her emotions can sometimes seem out of control, who hasn’t been there? We might not have screamed and thrown a shoe at Nicki Minaj at a Harper’s Bazaar event this past September (in retribution, Cardi has said, for various slights from Minaj, including liking a negative comment about her parenting skills), or allegedly ordered an attack on two female bartenders at a strip club visited by Offset (a judge issued orders of protection in December for the accusers), but we’ve all been mad as hell. And the unbearable cuteness and sexiness of Cardi, a raunchy L.O.L. doll, quickly erases those moments, drowning them in adorable high jinks.

Leaving aside the fake nails and boob implants, with Cardi the artifice is in the artwork. In the space of less than a year, her music, videos, and fashion have made her a star of Lady Gaga proportions. She releases hit after hit; following last summer’s “I Like It,” the first Latin trap song to rise to number one on the Billboard Hot 100, with “Money,” a song, unsurprisingly, about money. In the video, she wears gorgeous clothes (she’s got “10 different looks and my looks all kill,” she raps), including outfits referencing Thierry Mugler, a gold bikini inspired by 1990s Lil’ Kim’s, and a custom Christian Cowan bodysuit fabricated from dozens of actual watches. She’s a post-Kardashian American superstar, a master of selfies, belfies, late-night Instagram videos, and all other manner of self-promotion— and also a creative genius. In 2019, no one needs to pick.

Raised in the Bronx, Cardi was the naturally rebellious daughter of a Trinidadian-born cashier mother and a Dominican Republic–born cabdriver father. Her mother was strict. Nevertheless she joined the notorious Bloods gang, moved out of her mother’s home and in with a boyfriend and, finding herself broke, took a job as a cashier at a grocery store. To build a nest egg, she became a stripper. To build a bigger nest egg, she became a hot girl on social media. In 2015, she was cast as a lovable loudmouth on the VH1 reality show Love & Hip Hop: New York, then began releasing her own mixtapes. Her debut single, “Bodak Yellow,” went to the top of the charts, and it took her only one album to achieve escape velocity: Invasion of Privacy, arguably the best debut album from a female rapper since Lil’ Kim’s 1996 Hard Core.

It’s an intense time for Cardi, now one of the biggest rappers—and one of the most famous women in the world—caring for an infant and dealing with a semi-estranged husband. Her answer is to be as real as she can. As much as she may imagine herself as a princess, she talks about admiring Meghan Markle for becoming a real one. “She must just be like, ‘Who am I?’” Cardi says, referring to Markle’s having to live by the royal family’s rules. Not being able to be herself would be the worst punishment for Cardi.

Up and down, joy and pain, sunshine and rain—we’ve experienced all her days on her social media channels, where she posts close-up, emotional videos like an Instagram mime. She’s not your typical grasping celebrity, and doesn’t get off on endless adulation. “I work with somebody who gives me compliments all day, and I’m like, ‘Oh, my gosh, can you just stop?’” she says.

Cardi’s fans have been so protective of her that when Offset broke in to her set at a concert, walking onstage with a $15,000 rolling floral display made of 2,000 roses that read TAKE ME BACK CARDI, they exploded on social media with anger over a man who refused to take a woman’s “no” at face value. (A backstage video showing one of Cardi’s reps escorting Offset to the stage did little to dim the outrage.)

I ask if any family or friends influenced her decision to leave Offset. “No, I decided on my own,” she declares, looking me straight in the eye. “Nobody makes my decisions about my life but me.” Before they broke up, Offset begged Cardi to see a therapist. “I didn’t want to go to marriage counseling,” she says, in a firm tone of voice. “He suggested it, but it’s like, ‘I don’t want to go.’ There’s no counselor or nothing that could make me change my mind.”

Like many women who’ve experienced heartache and alleged infidelity, she seems caught between wanting to stay and leave. As Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in Eat Pray Love, Offset is “[her] lighthouse and [her] albatross in equal measure.” But Cardi also knows that dating new guys might be bizarre. “I have a kid, and I’m also famous,” she says quietly. “So I can’t just sleep with anybody. People talk. You know, if I date somebody in the industry, that’s another person in the industry. If I date somebody who is not in the industry, he might not understand my lifestyle.” Since the breakup, she’s been getting a ton of messages from guys but ignoring them. “It’s like, ‘Bro, why would you want to holler at me right away? You’re weird.’ If you think Imma automatically hop onto you after a marriage, that just means you think I’m a sleaze. And I’m not. I have a kid—I have to show an example.”

Bui, who has been listening intently to our interview while crafting Cardi’s nails, waves a hand and then interjects, “You’re so old-fashioned!”

“Jenny, just because I’m out there and very sexual doesn’t mean that I have to be whorish,” says Cardi. “I like to have sex. That doesn’t mean I have to have it with everybody.” She pauses, then adds, “Not that I judge women who want to have sex with the world.”

Done with her rant, Cardi turns her attention to her nails. “Damn, that’s sharp,” she says to Bui, whistling a little under her breath. “The polish will make them less sharp, right? Because we can’t forget about the baby.” Ignoring her, Bui says only, “Don’t move.”

Throughout our conversation, Cardi has been jiggling her leg up and down like a schoolkid. I ask her how long she’s had that habit. “Forever, and you know what? People always talk shit about it, but now it’s like, ‘Ha ha,’ because when I do it my daughter likes it,” she says.

Despite the indelible image of Cardi breast-feeding in the “Money” video, wearing a black gown open at the bodice, she isn’t breast-feeding Kulture, whom she’s nicknamed KK. “It was too hard,” she explains. In fact, she spent most of the time after the baby was born in a haze of postpartum depression. “I thought I was going to avoid it,” Cardi says. “When I gave birth, the doctor told me about postpartum, and I was like, ‘Well, I’m doing good right now, I don’t think that’s going to happen.’ But out of nowhere, the world was heavy on my shoulders.”

Realizing that taking KK with her on the tour bus was unrealistic but unable to bear leaving her at home, Cardi dropped out of a lucrative tour with Bruno Mars. She started feeling better a couple of months after the baby was born, she says, and her mother has been helping out; Cardi hasn’t hired professional help because she isn’t sure she can trust anyone outside her family.

As a new mom, Cardi is still experiencing aches and pains. “For some reason, I still don’t feel like my body’s the same,” she says. “I feel like I don’t have my balance right yet. When it comes to heels, I’m not as good at walking anymore. I feel like I’m holding a weight on me. I don’t know why because I’m skinnier than I’ve ever been. But there’s an energy I haven’t gotten back yet that I had before I was pregnant. It’s just the weirdest thing.”

The baby is starting to help Cardi balance her emotions, though. “Sometimes I’ll see something online and it’ll piss me off, and then my baby will start crying or something, and it’s like, ‘You know what? I’ve got to deal with the milk. Forget this.’” She’s thinking about pulling back a little from social media. “I’ve noticed that every time you respond, you just make things worse, so I’m over it. I’m just over it. I really don’t need it, and sometimes it just brings chaos to my brain.” She adds, “I can stay off social media. I’ve been trying.” For months after KK was born, Cardi didn’t put pictures of her on social media, and certainly didn’t sell any to the tabloids. She says Offset wanted to put a picture up, but she was unsure.

“As soon as she was born, one month in he was like, ‘She’s so beautiful. Watch how people gonna go crazy.’ ’Cause a lot of people were saying mean stuff, like that we don’t post her because she’s ugly. He was like, ‘I’m about to post my baby right now.’ But then we were very concerned because we were getting a lot of threats, so he said, ‘The world don’t even deserve to see her.’” Eventually Cardi wanted to put a photo up because “it’s really annoying and we don’t have a life. We have to hide her all the time. I can’t go to L.A. or Miami and walk down the beach with my baby. I want to go shopping with my baby. I want to take a stroll with my baby. Sometimes I feel bad for her because all she knows is the house.” But can’t you put on a baseball cap? I ask. Will people still recognize you? “Yeah,” she says. “It’s my nose.”

Bui applies a final coat of purple paint on Cardi’s nails—a brief discussion ensues about whether the shade is the exact “baby purple” Cardi has requested—and then she talks about needing to get home to go to sleep. “I’ve got a big meeting in the morning in Boston,” Cardi says, nodding slowly. “Lots of money in Boston.” She begins horsing around with her six-year-old half-brother, ribbing him for being rebellious the way she used to be. “He’s a child of the corn!” she wails. “He’s just like me.” (Her half-sister adds, “Like you, sharp but sweet.”) Bui says she thought that when Cardi hit it big, she wouldn’t see her in the salon again. “I told her, ‘You’re going to forget about me,’ ” Bui says. “And she said, ‘Never.’”

#cardi b #harper's bazaar #rap #rapper #hiphop #hip hop #female rap #2019 #march #female rapper #fashion

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kwrittink · 5 years

Text

Nothing Is What It Seems 2

Pairing: Im Jaebum x Hybrid!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: language? mentions of violence, mentions of abandon, threats and attempted blackmail

It had been two weeks since you first met Jaebum. The jacket, even if it had given you soundless nights, also was the root of some fights and stealing attempts, since it was something that really gave off the vibe of being really expensive. Well I think now no one will want it, you snickered, looking at the huge knife-inflicted gash in the back from the last fight you had for it. What mattered that it was still wearable thought, so you wouldn't have to throw it away - not that you would even if it was in shreds, you'd still recycle it into a pillow or something.

Another thing you've noticed is that the food you found in the alley looked slightly better, for at least one or two bags of food you dug from the garbage per day were barely untouched, as if someone had just mixed the contents together and thrown them out, but you didn't dwell on it too much, because it was edible and you could only thank your luck. Hell I ate a whole fish this morning and I could even sell leftovers from yesterday and got myself new socks, you snickered, looking down at your figure, that now had a really oversized wool grey shirt, some jean shorts, the new thigh high fuzzy socks you bought and - of course - your lucky leather jacket. You weren't a model or a fashonista but that was enough to keep yourself warm then you didn't care how it looked like.

"Look what we've got here, Kitty's got a new cover," The voice beside your ear didn't startle you more than usual, but still made you irritated as your spiked tail and nape hair indicated.

"Geojong, I told you to stay away from me." Your tone was calm, only to not attract attention from the humans surrounding, but your eyes rolled as far as they could in annoyance at the presence of the rat hybrid.

"Oh, but you know I can't stay away, dear. What would be of me without you? What would be of you?" He whispered at he side of your face, fingers tapping your shoulders lightly. You sighed, wondering what could he possibly want that time.

"You'd be probably dead, which in my opinion would be so good for the environment," scoffing while shaking his hands off and glaring at him, you crossed your arms hiding the bread you had just found among the leftovers of the nearby bakery - it wasn't usual for you to walk to other alleys but that one seemed empty for sure - since your go-to alley was in an unusual balance day.

"Oh don't treat me so coldly Y/N... After all we've been through-"

"Don't start with that crap because we both know that when someone need to go through something you're the one who's suddenly miles away." You sneered, relishing on the way he stepped back at your clipping tone. Yeah, he was trouble and definitely taller than you, but you could handle him. You had handled worse than that. "Now tell me, what do you want?"

Looking away from your squinting expression Geojong cleared his throat and once more put a cocky expression on, leaning on the wall behind himself. "Well, I was curious. Word has it you're with new clothes and selling shit for other hybrids and as I can see put on a little weight... So I wanted to know what's going on, you've got an owner again?" A smirk grew on his face and you couldn't help but blush at the mention of your weight gain. You only knew the effects of eating better and often because it was harder to feel cold these days and winter had been approaching quickly that year.

"You're crazy if you think I'd let anyone own me again. It's just luck and a lot of walking around. You could put some meat on those dry ass bones, but I know for a fact that you don't work a day for anyone, even for yourself..." You trailed off, head tilting with a sarcastic smile on.

"So good to see you still know me so well, Y/N!" He chuckled, not even offended of being practically called lazy, probably still wanting to be on your good side to get things. "Don't say I don't walk though, I've come all the way here to see an old friend and share a meal with them... I might be lazy, but I would never forget you."

"You want a meal? Then come and buy it at the park like every other stray. You must know I'm hanging out around there in the afternoons-"

He winced slightly, immediately cutting you off while once again, his hand came to grab at your shoulder. "Ah but you wouldn't do this to me, hm? Making me pay for food when you know how much you owe me-" I knew he'd try to act cute with me.

"Do I? I believe is quite the contrary, dear rat. But I'm going to let it go by the sake of our... Friendship, okay?" A hiss passed your lips as you grasped him by the ragged shirt, pressing him back to the alley wall. After everything he made you go through, Geojong still had the balls to make those kind of claims like your memory had been completely scrambled? Still, seeing his eyes as big as plates with fear - you were his predator by nature anyways - you released his shirt, huffing through your nose. He's just another being trying to survive with what had been given to him. "Now if you don't have money or anything exchangeable with you, piss off."

Even after you stepped back, he didn't straighten up right away and a pang hit your chest at the sight of him which had tried to help you, even if being a bastard all the steps of the way, and to whom you'd been so grateful before. It was a shame Geojong only cared about the money, if he had a shred of remorse for what happened to me, I'd even think about forgiving and helping him... You missed whatever the rat hybrid said after, only noticing he was moving when his slumped form started walking away, towards the exit of the alley. Not only that, you also noticed how battered he looked and - even if you were being sarcastic before - how thin he was. Before he used to be really well dressed, with stuff his men gathered for him... I've heart things had gone awry for Geojong but not to this extent...

"Hey," You almost whispered, but knew he had heard you as soon as he stopped walking. Picking the loaf from the floor - it landed on a pile of wrapping paper, so it was still pretty much edible - you threw it towards Geojong, which scrambled to grasp it, mouth falling open with surprise. He glanced up for an explanation. "Just because I don't want to see you in a ditch somewhere."

"You've got a heart of gold, Y/N-nyan." At the term, you took a deep annoyed breath, rolling your eyes once again.

"Don't get used to it."

After your meeting with Geojong you were spent, counting the few coins you've got from your business that afternoon you sighed knowing it was little - you wouldn't charge a lot for some leftovers anyways, sometimes... Most of the time even a item could be exchangeable for food - but at least enough to even ask for a small coffee to warm you up before searching for a place to nap before getting dinner.

You were actually happy that things for you were good - even putting on weight as Geojong kindly put it -, and even if you didn't want to think about it to avoid jinxing, it was inevitable to deny that if you kept saving up, in little to no time you could move cities, somewhere far and start over, maybe even try a job and get into a republic-like shelter. I've read something about it, and my brother wanted to go there at first...

At the memory of your brother you halted your steps, ears drooping with sadness. It had been a very long while since you've seen your little brother Jimin, you wondered how he was holding up, if he was being treated well, if he was even alive. You didn't blame him for not looking out for you if he was well, because those things were like that and cat siblings were usually emotionally unattached but you wished to see him, even if from afar just once more. He had been through a lot before.

"Oh look what we have here... Are you sad kitty? Want me to pet you?" The disgusting and creepy tone of a guy behind you made the hairs at your nape stand up and you hissed at the insinuation. Can't let my guard down in this town... Before he could try to grab you you twirled away as fast as you could, being careful to take your tail out of the way and avoid it being yanked, since it wasn't something you enjoyed a lot and took off running to the opposite direction, having the man screaming for you to be held down, claiming you had stolen his wallet. To your surprise, people made way for you as you ran, not giving attention to the shaggy man, making you wonder if he was someone that was actually pretty dangerous. Better avoid that place then.

Late in the night you were dozing off after a good meal - this time you ate spicy noodles and though they weren't your favorite, they were pretty nice -, sitting with your back against the wall and using the leather jacket as a blanket, when you heard steps in the alley.

Now, you weren't keen on sleeping in that alley because that place, even if it was good for finding food, was very frequented by couples that got out of the club which one of these walls belong to - and men waiting for easy preys like you - but after that heavy meal you got so sleepy it didn't seem so bad to nap for a bit in there. Hope it's no one harmful, I was really enjoying my nap... Staying as quiet and still as you could, you peeked through hooded eyes at the dark figure and frowned, wondering why it looked so familiar...

Until a cold breeze went through the alley and made you shiver and your shuffling was noticed by the apparently stranger that halted his steps, turning towards your shrunken body.

"Holy shit you scared the hell outta me!" As the other took a step back when locking eyes with you, the voice was immediately recognized as that man from the other night, Jaebum. You sat up, head tilting and ears standing straight in attention to his presence, amused that he had that kind of reaction seeing you.

"Jaebum?" You half-whispered, straightening your torso a bit so you could lean on the wall. The tall man gave you a sheepish smile as you took a good look at him and noticed the food bag on his hands. Does he work around here or...?

"Hey you there, Y/N wasn't it?" He asked, and you snickered while nodding a bit. "You still have my jacket, that's nice. I hope it's keeping you warm?" He inquired, not even trying to step closer. Your grin widened a little more as you once more nodded.

"It's very warm yes thank you," usually you weren't this thankful to strangers, but he had been the only person that had given you things - good things - without asking for anything back. There wasn't much people like that in the world and you weren't about to take his kindness for granted. "Do you work near here?"

"Yeah, I actually work at the restaurant beside the club, I own that place with a friend of mine." His smile was soft as he placed the bag on the floor, leaning on the wall nearby.

You hummed thoughtfully, then tilted your head to look at him. "You're the co-owner yet you're taking out the trash? How odd..." You pondered, more to yourself than anything, but he heard what you said, eyes turning wide and mouth slack as he tried to find a way to explain what exactly he was doing.

"Uhh... Yeah that well..." The man muttered and you frowned at his actions, wondering why he was having such a hard time to say something, when suddenly two and two clicked together. Oh, he works at a restaurant hm? And this is the alley where we met so maybe... A small smile broke on your lips as you eyed once again the bag with food in his hands. It was only logical to understand then why you've been finding food more often and in better quality in that particular alley because he was the one putting it there just for you.

As he noticed your understanding a heavy sigh passed his lips, hand going to scratch at the back of his neck awkwardly. "Yeah, that's what it looks like. It was more wishful thinking that maybe you'd come by to eat again, so I wanted you to have at least better food..." At his explanation, you had to purse your lips to stop the wide grin from spreading on your face and got up, walking towards him slowly with the jacket slung over your shoulders and shielding you from the night breeze. He straightened up when you got closer like he was nervous and you relished quietly on the smell of him, having the already worn out gifted leather jacket lost most of the original owner's scent.

"You already left food for me today though? Is that my breakfast?" You tried to be funny, ignoring how your stomach churned once Jaebum grinned a little, opening the bag of slightly messed up food in clean styrofoam packaging, which he'd probably throw over some plastic bags and brown paper.

"Maybe dinner - if I recall correctly there wasn't much noodles earlier... And you have to prepare for winter right?"

You snickered, crossing your arms over your chest, impressed at his basic knowledge regarding hybrids. Maybe he owned one before? "Wow, you know how to treat a lady don't you?"

At that you could swear he blushed, but the poor lighting and the hand going to scratch the tip of his nose avoided confirmation. "Well I'd offer you to eat at the restaurant but I know you wouldn't accept so I had to improvise."

"Yeah you got that right..." This time you let the corner of your lips curl up, chin tilting towards the objects in his hands. "What you got there for me?"

"Uh fish croquet and rice. There was a team of children's baseball there and the kids didn't eat everything. Hope you don't mind-" Your ears perked up immediately upon hearing what was being offered, taking a sharp breath in surprise. Jaebum halted a little alarmed, looking up at your face and trying to figure if your reaction was good or not.

"Are you kidding me? Fish croquet is one of my favorite food!" Approaching, you thumbed at the bag, eyes wide as you searched for a piece and popping it into your mouth, humming delightedly. The man in front of you snorted and you decided to care later about what image he got from you.

You started nibbling eagerly, even if you weren't nearly hungry yet. It had been a long while since you've eaten that treat, perhaps from when you were just a small kitten in the shelter. It reminded you of safer and kinder times when the only thing you could worry about was if your brother had stolen your squeaky plushie again. Your eyes prickled a little.

Jaebum snickered softly, making your eyes snap up at him, cheeks warming up a little after realizing how it might have looked. "I'm sorry I was staring, you just looked so cute," he barely muttered and the fondness in his eyes made your face feel even warmer, despite the cold breeze constantly in that alley.

"Kinda creepy you watching me eat," you countered with a small pout, straightening up and licking your thumbs discreetly. He nodded a little in agreement, not able to meet your eyes and you found it a bit endearing that he was still embarrassed for being caught feeding you indirectly. "And now I don't think I should take that, I can't repay you at all..." As in, there are very few things I could give you in exchange.

"Then maybe we could have coffee?" Jaebum proposed with a small smile, and you pursed your lips in disagreement. That kind of suggestion would mostly go one way, and it was quite a shame Jaebum was asking you that. I was starting to like him.

"I thought you were already aware that I wouldn't go-"

Eyes widening with the realization of your misunderstanding, he put one hand in front of his body to interrupt you. "No I mean, I could come here tomorrow morning with coffee and we could have breakfast together..." Explained, and your mouth gaped open, a sound of understanding leaving your lips. "That is if you don't mind, I don't want to sound-"

"So, like some sort of date?" It was your turn to cut him off, and effectively in a way that your words this time did bring a blush on his cheeks as you chuckled inwardly.

"What? No, uh just- Not that I..." Jaebum stammered and you couldn't help but laugh at his desperation, and seeing that you only meant to tease, he also chuckled a little embarrassed.

"Sure, if you don't mind sitting on this floor... But perhaps make it brunch, I like to sleep late." You advised with a little tilt of your head. Jaebum nodded with a giggle, looking satisfied for achieving that small step closer to you, and deep inside you were also feeling a little giddy, but had mixed feelings because it had been a long time you let yourself be around humans so carefree. I just hope I'm not wrong.

"Sure, I'll bring the special and your lunch for later then. Any preferences?" He asked and your mouth fell a little agape, surprised that he was actually letting you choose. Your chest felt warm.

"Don't you know? Beggers can't be choosers." You quipped at him and saw him snort - you'd admit that it was cute later on - at your attempt of a joke, shaking his head afterward.

"But that's the thing, you're not begging for anything, so..." At his response you could only roll your eyes, reaching to grab the bag from his hands, quickly fishing some croquet and stuffing your mouth. You were a little frustrated and your cheeks were on fire for some reason, unable to find the voice to speak at him, since he was being so nice. It had been a while you've been treated with such equality it almost made you stumped.

"Whatever's fine" You started around a mouthful, then peering up to look at his face. "Maybe... Something warm?"

"Okay then, I'll make something tasty." He smiled once more, turning to walk away. You watched as Jaebum walked all the way across the alley, before turning and catching your eyes still on him. "How do you like your eggs thought?"

You hoped he couldn't see how flushed your face felt from that distance. "Scrambled?" You heard yourself practically whisper, and caught his nod before you decided to finally turn away and eat your food.

“Then it’s a date.”

#im jaebum x reader #im jaebum imagine #im jaebum fluff #im jaebum/reader

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sunsetofdoom · 5 years

Note

Let me bother you a bit more and ask for the OC thing for Sohnya

Full Name: Master Sohnya Rhastova

Gender and Sexuality: Cis female, I originally was gonna have her as my Token Heterosexual but you know what, I want her to Sexually Menace my female characters too. I’ve decided she’s Space Bi like everyone else.

Pronouns: She/her

Ethnicity/Species: Twi’lek Jedi. Doesn’t know much about her home culture, or even about her own biology.

Birthplace and Birthdate: Late 20s, born on Ryloth in a relatively well-off community.

Guilty Pleasures: She has a habit- a coping mechanism, really- of having ritual scarification done. She’ll go to her artist on Coruscant, and have Jedi symbols carved into the space between her shoulder blades with a scalpel. The pain is soothing and focusing. That spot on her upper back is where her touch-starvation manifests as a sore ache, so it helps to hammer home that she Is Not Allowed To Want To Be Touched.

Phobias: Loss of control, being ‘read’ for what she is, giving and receiving affectionate touch, emotional honesty, her sadism getting to a point she can’t hide anymore.

What They Would Be Famous For: As the Warden of the Jedi Order and a top strategist of the Republic, she’s already famous in the way that a Jedi General is famous. If certain facts were to come out…. she’d be a household name, but not for any reason that she would like.

What They Would Get Arrested For: Oh, man, I dunno…. maybe the fact that she’s secretly a serial rapist and murderer?

OC You Ship Them With: Anyone I shipped her with would die painfully. But I do have a soft spot for thinking about her menacing Khiru. He’s exactly her type. He even has to seduce her while he’s undercover in a slave costume, because I’m shallow and I want it.

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: It’s down to Hieran and Nan at this point. Nheomi would like to, but I want a Sith to get the final blow on this monstrous Jedi.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Historical documentaries. She hates fiction because it dramatizes everything. (Those historical documentaries are also dramatized, she just won’t admit it.)

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Inaccuracies about the Jedi. She hates it. If there’s one thing she envies about the Empire, it’s that the Sith get to approve and disapprove of their every depiction in cultural media. She’d give anything to be able to wipe away negative portrayals of the Jedi.

Talents and/or Powers: Sohnya has cultivated a specific Jedi healing technique and taken it to its natural conclusion. She can kill with a touch- stopping heartbeat and brain activity in under three seconds of skin contact.

Why Someone Might Love Them: She’s really quite charming, always hard-working, leads from the front. She doesn’t ask anything of her people that she doesn’t demand of herself. Her high standards mean that her inner circle of friends feel highly privileged to be working with her- after all, Master Rhastova doesn’t accept anyone but the best.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: holy shit where do I start. Judge Frollo In Space? Her high-handed hypocritical bullshit? The fact that she beats her boyfriend? (Felix, I’m so sorry baby.) The pile of dead Sith Pureblood slaves in her Dumpster? Take your pick.

How They Change: @pineaberry‘s Tikal had the bright idea of buying her a Force-blind Sith Pureblood pleasure slave, to “mellow her out” and make her less uptight about sex and physical contact. This started up a pattern where she forced poor Holiday to monitor Imperial slave markets on Nar Shaddaa for them, and now she… uh… goes through one every six months or so. She is less uptight about sex and contact now, though! So that… worked! Kind of!

Why You Love Them: God, she’s just so enjoyably terrible. I love writing her. She’s the worst. Absolutely no redeeming qualities up in this bitch.

#oc: sohnya rhastova #i love my horrible serial killer jedi #she is just so terrible and I just #*kisses fingers*#what a horrible evil jedi #a-muirehen

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gffa · 5 years

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I've been thinking about a couple of your posts, about how the Jedi's real problem was PR, and what if one of them (Obi-Wan) realised it and set about changing peoples hearts and minds? Like, he sets it up so reporters that he knows and is friends with (because Obi-Wan has friends everywhere) get to report on things Jedi have done, or arranges for like a documentary series or just reporters doing some war reporting while accompanying the Jedi and Clones.

I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT THIS. I love love love @forcearama‘s Jedi Docu-series so much and if someone wants to write approximately a dozen fics on it, I will read them all and flail happily about them! And I’m probably going to give you way too serious of an answer for what should have been a ridiculous shitposting answer! Yet the heart wants what it wants, so bear with me as I take Star Wars way too seriously again. ;)But there are three reasons why this would have been an uphill battle, even if someone like Obi-Wan were to say, “You know what? Let’s stop trusting that our actions and our history will speak for itself, because people are terrible and believe propaganda way too easily, so let’s get on this PR thing.”One – they already do some of this, to some degree. I immediate thought of the Jedi of the Republic: Mace Windu comic, when a local scumbag set himself up as a Jedi because the planet was facing a plague and he wanted to sucker people out of their money. Mace and Cyslin Myr are there to figure out what happened to their missing Jedi and to assess the situation. Part of what the Jedi have already been doing on this planet is:

We see that temple in the background, it’s no small undertaking (though, hardly ostentatious, either):

They already set up outreach temples at places that need them, I’m pretty sure it’s not a huge leap to think that they would have such a thing on Coruscant as well, if people wanted to ask about them or get spiritual/emotional aid from them.But, probably more importantly, two – people didn’t really understand the Jedi and probably would have had a very difficult time understanding their intrinsic motivations (versus what so, so many people assume are extrinsic motivations).Drooz says it plainly:

He cannot fathom that the Jedi wouldn’t take advantage of their abilities for their own profit and power. He does so in their name and people buy into it so very easily (all the more so because they’re desperate and there’s no way to solve this plague they’re suffering from, other than what’s already being done), because people don’t really get the Jedi.It’s a them in the Age of Republic: Qui-Gon Jinn #1 as well:

People don’t really get the Force or why the Jedi follow it, there’s an element of something entirely unexplainable about it, why it’s not just a power that allows them to do these miraculous physical feats or even to sense the emotions of the people around them.The Force is so, so much bigger than that, it’s the connections between all life and death, it’s how they see the world, it’s how their minds connect to everything around them.People of the GFFA don’t really get that (and let me mourn how little worldbuilding there is for the Jedi even in fandom, where this kind of thing should be rife, but there’s almost nothing that explores what that kind of psychic ability means to them, how it changes the way they interact with the world–it’s not surprising that the people in-universe don’t really get the Force, even when they witness it firsthand over and over, if us nerds don’t explore what the Force means for someone who connects to it, how George Lucas laid out what the Force is and how it’s used) and I’m not sure they really wanted to. Not in a galaxy that was willing to vote to buy more people to fight their war for them, so they didn’t have to fight for themselves.And three – the Jedi were exhausted. Mace says even as far back as Attack of the Clones, “Our ability to use the Force is diminished.” And Geonosis REALLY fucked them over, for all that it’s not necessarily made a huge deal of in canon (because suddenly there were twenty new tire fires to be put out that had priority), A LOT of Jedi died there.

And this is at the beginning of the war! They’re still reeling from losing more Jedi than they probably have in centuries, they’re being faced with two really shitty options and try to choose the better path (because they can’t just let more people die, which is exactly what would have happened if they hadn’t joined the war) and it’s only going to get worse and worse with every day.The Jedi are a religion/culture that had faith in the Force, they believed that their faith in things working out would be rewarded (and I tend to believe it would have, had Anakin not literally gone against the path the Force set out for him, that George Lucas literally said he was going against what was Fate, what was natural in ROTS), so they knew that their PR wasn’t great, but they believed their faith in the Republic would be returned. (Spoiler alert: Holy shit, was it not returned.)The problem is that the Jedi were busy putting out twenty tire fires EVERY SINGLE DAY, while more and more of them died and that meant there were less and less of them to help, as well as they were exhausted and the Force was darkened and their guiding light was diminished because of it, and the war was only supposed to be a brief thing. It wasn’t supposed to last years! And they believed that people would be able to see the truth.By the time they would have really needed a documentary series, they would have had to fight back against all of the above and that’s even WITHOUT factoring Palpatine into things, who was a master at propaganda!It’s not an impossible task and I firmly believe that, with a little more breathing room, the Jedi could have worked this out, that they almost did work it out, until Anakin fucked it up for everyone by allowing Palpatine to live/killing Mace, against what the Force and Fate was trying to ask of him, (also, see: @stonefreeak‘s Supreme Chancellor Kenobi fic series for an excellent exploration of how the Jedi might have gotten five minutes to just breathe and enough elbow room to actually make a difference in an incredibly believable way!), but so much of what we’re able to pinpoint as the problem (ie, that the Jedi had terrible PR) comes with hindsight and an omniscient pov of the story.The Jedi had far more roadblocks to overcome and much, much bigger problems to tackle and reasons why it would not have been all that easy. Given how, every time I look around at the political landscape today and despair about what people will believe, I’m not sure how easy it would be to change the minds of people within a fictional world, either.

#jedi #jedi order #mace windu #yoda #meta #kitsunesongs

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dalekofchaos · 5 years

Text

The First Order:Incompetence and Overconfidence

The First Order (EST 5-21 ABY [After Battle of Yavin]/1-17 Post-Return of the Jedi) was formed in the wake of the collapse of the Empire following the defeat of their fleet at the Battle of Jakku (5ABY, 1AE [After Endor]). Various imperial hardliners and diehards fled into the Unknown Regions of space to establish a new Empire, fix the mistakes of the old, and one day return to defeat the New Republic that had displaced them. For 30 years the First Order grew and developed into a formidable force, yet was not seen as a threat to the New Republic. The true size and scale of their power was kept hidden intentionally, lest the Republic be provoked into acting against them in any meaningful way, the Resistance was seen as an allowable way of keeping them in check, but it was more like a plug in a dam, when the dam is cracked all to hell and back. It is heavily implied that the New Republic was already addled by corruption and bureaucratic bloat in just the 33 years it had been established, so the fact that they had no real idea that the First Order had an Ultra Star Destroyer and that they were hollowing out a planet to build a super-weapon can be forgiven through this conceit. The “Resistance” is funded by a few small contributors, has few ships (one capital ship and three support vessels), and relies on being small so as to be easily hidden. To contrast the Rebel Alliance was funded by former Republic senators, armed by resistance groups, and provided ships of even capital scale by races such as the Mon Calamari; it was, by in large, a popular movement. Yet the Rebellion and the Resistance face threats of similar scale.

So how does the First Order fuck up so badly in killing such a small number of “rebels?” Simple answer? Mass incompetence. Complicated answer? Incompetence combined with overconfidence.

Who Makes up the First Order?

Take whats been discussed already, the officers of the former Empire retreat into the unknown regions to rebuild, who will these officers be? Its very likely that they fall into a small number of categories; first among them your hardliners, dyed in the wool Imperials who needed to escape the end of the war, we can count these people as among likely the best trained and the most realistic believers in the Empire of old; second are those who weren’t good enough to be part of the main fight and werent bad off enough to let it be over; and third, your dregs, men scoured from the old Empire, people who had been assigned to punishment posts and back-water details, but they have training, and they can be useful. These people make up your base, and they can be built upon as time goes by, but in the beginning this is what you have. Impressment, population growth, and recruitment can be another driving factor towards establishing a force. For the next 25 years the First Order would grow and develop out of the shadows of the Empire, establishing their own officer corps, their own ships, and their own designs but still heavily influenced by their forebears.

Lack of Experience

But none of those new troops would have the same level of training, they wouldn’t have the foundational schools, the true pedigree needed. No active wars to train officers in, or soldiers for that matter, everything would be war game and simulation, they wouldn’t face the same scale of consistent internal threats the Republic would go on to face for the 29 years in between such as piracy, warlords, and civil conflicts; with an Iron Fist those kinds of threats could be stamped out in short order before they could flourish. So their new officers have no idea how to fight a war properly, or even badly, they just have theory and the experience of their older officers to draw from. Indeed many of the more senior officers in the First Order had many reservations about the new generation and their capabilities, as seen with Captain Canady of the First Order Dreadnought Fulminatrix, the man knew he was dead, and he knew it was the incompetence and inexperience of the fleets leader, General Armitage Hux that was to blame for his demise.

Starfigher Corps Incompetence

This deficiency can even be seen in their starfighter corps. Take for example the battle in the skies above Takodana in the Force Awakens, yes, sure, Poe Dameron is an ace pilot, but in a single maneuver around the combat area he shoots down no less than 11 enemy fighters in under a minute, that puts him above and beyond any fighter pilot ever seen in Star Wars media and in the real world makes him an ace twice over. There is luck, and then there is improbable incompetence. Its no wonder that the Resistance was able to continue fighting over Starkiller base after losing more than half of their X-Wings when their kill ratio can be as high as 11:1.

Incompetent Leadership

On to the First Order’s leadership in general, General Hux, Kylo Ren, and Captain Phasma.

General Hux -Military Leader of the First Order. Hux is only 34 years old, he literally aged with the First Order, he was five when the Empire fell, turned 18 roughly 13 years after the establishment of the Order, and is somehow the highest ranking member of their military, yes he betrayed his father, who had been high ranking before him, but that hardly warrants him becoming the military leader of the entire First Order. He has no military experience, his formal training is much in the same sense as British dilettante generals of the late 19th and early 20th centuries, and his emotional outbursts while in command betray this whole-cloth inexperience and lack of maturity. Hux is a caricature.

Kylo Ren -Enforcer of the Dark Side. Kylo Ren is doing his best Darth Vader impression… while also doing a fair whiny Anakin impression only without a sympathetic backstory. Also prone to emotional outbursts and destroys expensive and important equipment for the ship. I’m surprised he hasn’t destroyed The Finalizer by his outbursts. Kylo Ren isn’t a leader, he’s an enforcer, there to be the voice of Supreme Leader Snoke, and he’s genuinely menacing… up until he takes off his mask in the Force Awakens. He was the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa, nephew and Padawan to Luke Skywalker. Snoke chose Ben Solo because of his powerful light and dark side. And.....he turned to the dark side, killed The Jedi, betrayed his family and joined The First Order because his family was trying to build a better galaxy for him...... Because Han and Leia chose to put their life into the rebellion and not enough time into him, that’s why he fell. “My loving parents who doted on me and gave me the best in life also wanted to help other people and rebuild a wartorn galaxy. It makes me so mad just thinking of it!” The lesson apparently is spend more time with your child instead of building a better world for him otherwise he’ll shoot up a school, join a fascist organization and blame his every action on his family and constantly harass and gaslight the one girl who peaks his interest.

Captain Phasma -Stormtrooper Command Captain Phasma is an odd bird, she would’ve been ten when the Empire fell, but we already know she wasn’t born into imperial service, or into the First Order, she joined, willingly, as an outsider. She has genuine martial capabilities and informal training, having been a clan military leader on her planet where combat was a part of daily life. After joining the Order she gained actual training which only helped to develop the skills she had developed naturally and its suggested she went on to train much of the First Order’s stormtrooper corps. Shes almost better for NOT being in the First Order from its inception because it gave her access to real experience. And yet she is entirely underwhelming on screen, being taken by surprise, suffering from total overconfidence, and seemingly being more flash than substance. As the triumvirate of the First Order its no wonder their military victories are… lacking.

It's the economics of the thing

So how does the First Order do anything at all? Money. Money is how they are successful, money is how they stay competitive. And Supreme Leader Snoke is the source of those funds. The Supreme Leader isn’t wise, hes just an incredibly rich old darksider who has chosen to invest in the First Order because he has a fetish for opulence and military parades. Infinite money can buy you a great many things, an actually experienced military seemingly isn’t one of those things! Imagine if you will a group of guys who think they are the worlds hottest shit at Call of Duty, now give them the newest in military hardware, heartbeat sensors, night vision, body armor, the works, yeah they’re a lot more deadly than your bog standard guy without that gear, but against an actual military unit? They get the floor wiped with their corpses. All the fanciest hardware in the galaxy doesn’t mean shit if you don’t have the experience to know how to use it to its capabilities. So yes, they have an Ultra Star Destroyer, and they have Stormtrooper legions, and they have planet bombarding dreadnaughts, but what they don’t have is the experience to use all those things effectively. The TIE fighter still sucks, still doesn’t have reasonable shielding, and while there is a special version with a turret and rear gunners seat, doesn’t seem to count for much unless Poe Dameron is flying it.

So we’ve established overconfidence in their capabilities and equipment, they’re the best equipped force, they have super weapons, they have a fleet, and yes, they could destroy the Resistance with ease… makes random whack-a-mole motions if they would JUST. SIT. STILL.

Incompetence in Escort Tactics

Let talk about their incompetence. Hux is goaded into allowing a Starfighter into point blank range with one of their fleet’s more valuable assets, he doesn’t launch a fighter screen to keep that fighter at bay, and when a real danger is detected, still does nothing. Captain Canady is left to launch his own fighters from Fulminatrix, and gets no support from Hux or the rest of the First Order fleet. Hux doesn’t launch support fighters, direct their batteries to put up defensive fire covering the dreadnought, nothing, no he’s too busy massaging his bruised ego because some flyboy put him on tilt with what amounts to a practical joke, and an 8km long warship pays the price for their incompetence.

Conflict with the Force Awakens

Now, to note, the First Order doesn’t seem all that incompetent in the Force Awakens, or at least not nearly as much as in the Last Jedi. They deploy a reasonable number of fighters, put a serious hurting on the Resistance X-Wings, and lose because base security wasn’t tight enough because they didn’t think an aging freighter with a crew of 3-4 would be enough to cripple their super weapon. Realistically if Han, Chewie, Finn and Rey hadn’t bombed the facility the Resistance would have lost. And if Phasma was a die hard FO loyalist, if Phasma chose to activate the security alarm instead of lowering the shields. The Resistance would’ve lost if JJ Abrams cared about making Phasma a character instead of a toy.

Incompetence when Pursuing the Resistance Fleet

And now onto the chase, or as I like to call it “the dumbest bit of military nonsense since the Emu war.” You have the First Order Fleet chasing the Resistance flotilla, supposedly the Resistance fleet is “faster” but they aren’t opening the gap between them and the First Order because… it would burn more fuel (because inertia isn’t a thing in Star Wars Space)? So they stay just at the extreme range of the First Order’s guns, and the Raddus has to be on the receiving end of a potshot every once in a while. Meanwhile said Resistance ships are flying in a straight line, direct away from the First Order fleet, so why not just set course past them and Hyperspace in front of them and catch them in the middle? Are interdictors at play here? Are they content to just think the fleet will run out of fuel and they can just catch them? It bothers me to understand that the heroes are only alive because of the gross incompetence of the First Order, because it doesn’t speak well to the capabilities of the heroes.

Incompetence in Ground Invasion

So now the Resistance is stuck on Crait, the First Order knows they are there, we know implicitly that the First Order has more than one dreadnought in their fleet, we also know the Resistance is fresh out of bombers. Maybe instead of calling for a costly ground invasion just call in another dreadnought and finish the job once and for all. This isn’t next level thinking, this isn’t superior tactics. This is using a rock to smash a bug levels of thinking. But they don’t, they land a ground invasion bigger than Hoth and bring a mini Death Star with them. Note again, that while Hoth was defended by more men with better equipment, Crait is defended by a quarter as many with rusting, dilapidated equipment… but it was enough to keep the Order stalled for Luke Skywalker to video-conference in.

Leadership in said Invasion

Which brings us to the a point concerning leadership and the ground invasion, it takes a screaming General Hux to get guns to stop, I guess because everyone is scared shitless of Kylo Ren, and then he’s treated like a rag doll in front of his men, again. Hux isn’t a true leader, Hux is a moron.

Failure to Blockade and Control the Theater of Operations

But more on the invasion, there is apparently no fleet around Crait, no blockade, no nothing, because the Millenium Falcon is allowed to escape completely unhindered and unchased by the First Order with the remaining resistance fighters aboard. Yeah, you read that right, the resistance can now fit on the Falcon, but no, they didn’t lose, they live to fight another day, by the grace of the Order’s incompetence.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, you have a raw officer corps that has no idea what its doing yet has displaced and replaced many of its senior experienced officers. A leadership that is wholly unsuited to be such. All the equipment in the galaxy but none of the experience. And a total lack of understanding of tactics. They are a group that desperately wants to be seen as the Empire, complete with angry triangles, white armored soldiers, and poorly armored flying death boxes. Maybe they should be the ones following Kylo Ren’s advice and allowing the past to die. I mean, if they can’t win even when the odds are ridiculously stacked in their favor, do they deserve to win?

#Anti TLJ #Anti Kylo Ren #Star Wars #The First Order #Kylo Ren #General Armitage Hux #Captain Phasma

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olivescreech · 5 years

Text

an in depth summary of how caesar got so FUCKING POWERFUL

so for those who don’t know, here’s why the senate wanted caesar to die.

but before that, you’ve gotta know how the roman republic was basically run. it goes like this; the senators are rich old guys who will give clients money in exchange for their vote. clients have clients that THEY pay to support them AND their patron. the line continues until it reaches slaves, who have no legal rights and can’t vote. so, the more clients you get, the more votes you get! but you can’t get cha-ching from just clients - you have to go to war (if one of two consuls allows you to). you do the typical roman thing: ransack and pillage, babey! and when you get back, you show off what you’ve earned in a sick procession and you build a victory temple, which literally doesn’t do anything but show off how rich and powerful you are. so that’s the system: get clients, go to war, get more clients, et cetera. so why do you want all this power, besides the money that comes with it? because if you’re the coolest, most powerful motherfucker you get to be PRINCEPS! what the hell is that you ask? it’s the senator with the most clients (how do you tell if one has clients? well if they walk into the forum with a crowd behind them, that’s how. the romans had lots of weird flexes) and guess what? the princeps speaks first, which means you get the most attention (which is good, sometimes, in politics). now you know the drill.

then everything changed when Appius Claudis Caecus broke the damn system.

homeboy caecus gets back from war as roman senators do, and so everyone asks him “hey dude where do you want your victory temple?” and caecus is like “victory temples are bullshit i’m gonna build a main road through the city and a brand new aqueduct.”

and the people LOVE HIM FOR IT.

who wouldn’t want clean water and a brand new road that everyone can use? money (well, at least the money of commoners) can’t buy that. so now caecus has basically the majority of rome’s votes in his favor. and, naturally he starts a trend.

public works projects and actually sustaining the people instead of just giving them money is the new way to get votes, which is actually really great because people are getting off of the streets since they have food and pretty much every need at their disposal, provided by the government. two parties form: optimates (those for continuing the old system) and populists (those for the new system). one of the major things populists did was expand citizenship outside of rome (which, at this time, is basically just the seven hills). anyone who is not a roman citizen has no legal rights in the roman system: if you don’t have citizenship and are killed/robbed/whatever by a roman, you have no right to a trial. so this is a big move: if you give citizenship to an area, they all technically owe you their lives, and thus you get them as clients. so senators give citizenship to little areas surrounding the city.

then caius iulius caesar (stabbed caesar’s dad) decides to fuck with the system.

caesar passes as bill that makes everyone in italy and sicily a roman citizen.

SO NOW HE HAS BASICALLY THE ENTIRE COUNTRY OF ITALY AS CLIENTELE.

and then he dies, and passes it off to his son (also called c. iulius caesar, but we’ll just refer to him a julius caesar).

mind you, as per the custom caesar still has to pay all of his clients.

so the senators are like “lmao you may be princeps but how tf are you gonna pay up all these people?” so the senators don’t give a fuck and just sorta sit back, expecting this to completely crumble. caesar gets a fuck ton of loans from the bank to sustain his clients and goes through the floor in debt. but he has so much political power that he won’t get voted out of office.

thus, caesar, the dastardly motherfucker, goes to war in gaul. and he promises his clients that if they go to war with him, they get some of the stuff. so he has a SHIT TON OF SOLDIERS. he fucks gaul up like nobody’s goddamn business; he killed more people in gaul than hitler did in the holocaust in half the fucking time.

so he can pay off those debts over and over and over again. caesar has such much power he becomes consul twice. oh yeah and there’s a civil war, pompey gets in his way so caesar says “fuck off” crosses the rubicon river and he wins, then declares himself dictator for life.

ever wondered why everyone uses “dictator for life” instead of just dictator? well, dictator was a legitimate position in the roman government that lasted up to six months or until the threat was over. most dictators did as they were told (which is sort of ironic becauze dictator comes from the word “dictō, dixere” which means “to speak”. the english equivalent to the concept of a dictator would be “teller-what-to-do-er”) or they’d have the whole senate and every one of their clients against them which is never good.

so caesar fucking PARDONS ALL OF THEM, MAKING THE SENATORS HIS OWN CLIENTS.

aaaaand they just flat out kill him.

so many of the senators plunged knives into his body and whatnot, but not every senator sticks a knife into caesar so they gang up against everyone who has, because leave it to a roman to be that sick.

anyways, caesar did have an heir; octavian. but octavian didn’t die because he promised to restore the republic on the condition he would be imperator (general), princeps, and pontifex maximus (great high priest). so octavian can’t be killed by legal or religious law, and to the romans, if you fuck with the gods you basically doom yourself to a fate possibly worse than death. so that’s how the roman republic ended.

fun fact: caesar mostly spoke greek, so his words to brutus were not “et tu, brute?” but “kai su, teknon?” which meant “you too, my child?”

all of this info is from my latin IV teacher, correct if you wish.

#ides of march #classical #classics #roman history #history #julius caesar #caesar

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mini-pretzel · 5 years

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alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love.

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion?

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do?

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine?

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room?

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love?

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate?

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to?

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet?

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance?

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology?

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film?

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle?

idk

tell

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world?

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them!

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number?

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash?

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work?

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general?

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue?

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite?

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain?

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy?

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy?

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like?

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own?

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it?

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them?

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert?

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI?

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel?

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you?

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français?

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to?

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home?

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous!

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them?

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved?

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about?

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment?

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you?

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been?

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now?

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile?

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot?

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic?

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)?

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married?

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you?

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone?

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath?

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl?

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine?

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine?

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion?

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after?

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs?

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall?

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes?

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past?

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future?

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in?

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports?

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest?

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood?

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t?

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree?

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth?

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything?

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book?

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment?

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have?

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance.

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about?

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot?

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason?

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry?

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness?

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going?

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

#ask #asks #the-trth-untold #klsfjflksa #omg i can't believe i did all of that #holy shit #lkdsjflkda #about #seriously

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rametarin · 2 years

Note

Mostly it's cause you post about a lot of really cool science stuff, so I thought you might have an answer to my burning question. I do specifically recall a lot of clean fuel stuff making headlines back as a kid, though. I guess it just takes a lot of time to get that stuff out of the lab.

It's all those reasons and more, depending on what it is.

My personal opinion? One of the reasons we've yet to fully transition has always been the state of battery technology. We can speculate from now until the 33rd of May just why research and development has lagged so hard, for so long, on the electric car. But my personal opinion is that it's related to belligerent state actors all but requiring oil and natural gas to be factors in their plans to control other, neighboring nations.

Yes, I am implying such powers as Russia and Saudi Arabia. Because what have we seen happen? Petro-republics cashing in on the worth of their national product as a source of revenue. Oil rich places either enslaving the world, or being enslaved as oil producing nations with contracts and shit deals by places like China, where they get robbery fees from Venezuela to pay loansharking and shitty deals and the bad deal perpetuates from the poverty.

Russia went all in on oil and natural gas as a petty, direct and authoritarian way to economically cuckold Europe. And what happened? Germany went so bananas that it SHUT DOWN clean nuclear power plants and tried to do everything with renewables. Which didn't work, because even with solar panel prices plummeting, solar is good for when the sun is out, but not for base loading, and absolutely horrible when you have no ubiquitous, cheap storage medium like molten salt reactors to turn turbines when the sun isn't out.

So what happened? Germany re-opened its coal mines and doubled-down on buying Russia's natural gas and oil. Wow. The Greens of Germany, for some reason, heralded this as an environmental win. Knowing full well the bullshit that goes in environmentally in Russian industry.

Almost as if there's some element in the Green Party, in every nation, that harbors more than their fair share of tankies.

Meanwhile, France continued erecting nuclear power plants, and what happened? Their air became CLEANER, their energy prices were HALF that of Germany, and their carbon footprint for the power produced became negligible, as opposed to the depleting air quality, higher energy costs and now dependence on a hostile, belligerent imperialist ethnostate hankering to start swallowing up parts of Europe it considers its sovereign territory. Which is.. effectively.. Europe.

And same with the Petro Islamic nations, using seemingly infinite oil and petro-dollars to finance global Jyhadism and Islamic fundamentalist supremacism. It is Saudi and Quatari and Iranian oil, minerals, gas, all the extreme cultural disparity between sheiks and peasants that incite religious fanaticism and cultural, theological romanticism. The wealthy create a histrionic bubble of tribalism to Islam and then point the wound up impoverished at non-Islamic communities and say 1.) "Destroy the heathens" 2.) "Go forth and multiply." State sponsored multi-ethnic ethnosupremacism as well as theosupremacism. All sponsored by oil.

But the thing about oil is, eventually, it runs out. And the thing about doubling, tripling, quadrupling down on making oil your biggest industry and export and source of revenue for your rapdily expanding country?.. It becomes a bubble, where you better HOPE you don't start running out of it. Or the entire civilization built on it comes tumbling down.

So you're the United States. You want to disrupt and bring those countries with belligerent ideas to heel, but you want to avoid nuclear war or armed conflict. You aren't afraid to fight, but you'd rather not kill millions of people in a senseless, expensive, bloody conflict and get depicted like a bloodthirsty savage in history- any more than you already have. What do you do?

You let them hoist themselves by their own petard, don't interrupt them as they set themselves up to hang from their own society by becoming overly dependent on a fuel source before ripping the rug out from under them and using the transition as leverage. Once they're set up to make the BIG bucks. Because they know, the thing that will fuck up their plans to force the wealthier nations to capitulate to them, is if the wealthier nations no longer require their scarce and cheap third world resource anymore in order to keep the gears of the modern world turning.

And hey, look. It appears like we're.. doing just that. Hm. How strange. Almost as if the relationships fostered between US oil men and the Saudis, experiments nation building in the middle east and modernizing Saudi Arabia were preludes to diplomatically recommend they consider liberalizing, modernizing and not trying to conquer the world through petrochemical scarcity anymore, now that access to energy would likely come from uranium, plutonium and thorium.

The Middle East took some convincing, but it's looking like the OPEC nations are begrudgingly acknowledging the inevitability. Electric cars and pure electric industry comes out, and petro fuel is no longer the trillion dollar a year industry it used to be with guaranteed market in the richest nations on earth; nations that dry up and stop being successful if their energy is cut.

And then we have Russia. Poor Russia. As a result of Crimea, the US flooded the market with oil for a bit. Which caused the Russian economy to fucking nosedive. I'm to understand it hit them hard enough it's still bruised. And then Putin pulled THIS shit.

I think Putin has done this, because he knows he WILL NOT get a chance to entrench any deeper into Europe, will not be able to bully Europeans any harder than he already has for fuel oil for heat and lights. There's officially a date by which Russia's near monopoly can no longer be subtle, but the bias domestically towards steering European nations towards forced dependence on Russian gas and oil from corrupt internal actors, has to surface now. The alternatives will be too cheap, with too many perks, if they're but flexed.

So he took a chance and got hamstrung by his own nutsack. Like a bear that tried to bully a porcupine den by sticking his entire dick and ballsack into it. And paid the price for it.

And what has Putin been hollering about during all this? Threats to nuke if anyone interrupts or intervenes or fights with them. It was always going to come down to this. They just needed to be given an organic opportunity to show their true colors and proactively make fools of themselves. The CIA didn't make Putin attack Ukraine and dribble on about how Ukranians as a culture don't exist and they're just more Russia. The mask has slipped away. The pretenses spoiled like moldy bread. He has to take responsibility for his actions and statements and you can't blame the magical mystical CIA for it, now.

Once Putin's Russia is too emaciated to function and, hopefully, disarmed of nuclear weapons, and falls in line with the OPEC nations, you may just see an absolute revolution of technological honesty and progress. And a revealed powerlevel of where technological progress in DARPA and deep black American projects have taken it over the last 50 years. As well as things that seemed like no-brainers suddenly finish coming to the table where we thought they should've been since 30 years ago.

That's my little ole take on it.

0 notes

riancraigjohnson-blog · 6 years

Note

Hi, I just saw your post about having legitimate complaints about TLJ... I haven't seen it yet, but was wondering what your complaints were (and whether it's worth me spending my money going to see it). I'm not bothered by spoilers.

good evening dear! to make things easy, i’m just gonna make one hugeass post and do a bullet list.

no consistency to story-telling

you wanna add new force powers? fine! great! but keep them consistent!

yoda appears to tell luke that the jedi are garbage & should end ( yoda???? of all people???? instead of someone who would actually think that given personal experience, like, y’know, ANAKIN )

also somehow yoda can call down lightning and cause real-world damage to a tree by setting it ablaze? why hasn’t yoda or obi-wan or anakin literally just come down and stop the order by doing something like this if they can literally control nature from the afterlife????

someone ( leia )…. with no proper force training…. can somehow defy…. dying in space? and also project themselves through space while barely conscious?

rian seems to want to keep this narrative of ‘evERYonE caN HAve ThE foRCe’ but when given the chance to make one of three kids force-sensitive, one kid being a black boy, one a white girl, and one a white boy, in a series where we have leading white female and black male protagonists and a white male villain………. somehow rian decided it was best to give the white boy the force? in a trilogy where the leAD CHARACTER IS A FEMALE AND ONE OF THE LEADING MALES IS A BLACK MAN?????????? GROUNDBREAKING

snoke connected rey and kyle via force skyping, but if his whole goal was to just……….. get rey to come to the supremacy after he manipulated her to believe in kyle’s redemption, like….. why do all that shit. why not just….. read her mind. clearly he can influence people and affect people from long distances so what the fuck why would he bother with that weird force bond shit. like if vader can fucking force choke a guy over a video conference, i don’t see why it’s that much more of a stretch to just have snoke read rey’s mind or manipulate her without using kyle

luke fucking astral projecting himself onto crait, despite not knowing they were on crait, after shutting himself off from the force like 10 years prior to tlj– somehow he’s able to hold a long-term projection of himself to taunt kyle and buy time for the fleeing resistance? and then, at the end, he just….. gives up and dies? becomes one with the force? ???????

lame foreshadowing/repetition

so, when kyle and rey’s first skype session goes live, kyle makes a point of asking rey if she was causing this, this almost astral projection skype convo from light years away, only to say ‘no….. the strain would kill you.’ cue the end of the movie, where it’s revealed luke was just projecting himself all along, and…. he dies.

there’s also this scene where luke asks rey what the force is, and being inexperienced in it, she makes a comment about it being about making things float. luke says no, everything you said is not-true– its not about making rocks float, ( which is then brought back as a concept at the very end of the movie, when rey has to float rocks to free the resistance from the caves they ran into, again, bad foreshadowing. ) this is then brought back later when astral luke is facing off with kyle, and kyle says something about destroying the resistance and the jedi…. only for luke to, verbatim, say what he said to rey about every word he said being not-true.

this almost bashing it into our heads notion of ‘kill the past, it’s only holding you back’ that’s mentioned by kyle, that seems to be the central thread– the past is just that, the past. it’s time to completely ignore it and never look back. it’s time to wipe away the misty-eyed wonders of your hero worship of your childhood… the reality is that people fuck up and your heroes are nothing and in the end we all die, jan. ( what a fun, hopeful message. )

but with this message, this idea of all your heroes are dead and don’t even think of people as heroes because that’s just unrealistic and you’ll be disappointed when they fuck up because we’re all human :))) – with that message we’re then meant to leave the theater somehow emboldened because luke took up the mantle of being a legend in the end…. even though there’s no reason he should be considered one when the only people who witness this astral fight technically are kyle and the first order– the resistance didn’t watch because they were trying to escape through the base’s tunnels with the time luke was buying them. so we’re supposed to treat luke as a legend now….. or are we supposed to hate this idea of hero worship? i’m getting mixed signals.

literally everything built up in tfa…. rey’s parents/backstory, snoke’s history/why the resistance even knows about him, why kyle became evil, why rey was able to call the lightsaber over him, why luke exiled himself but left a map………… so many questions to be answered! and tfa laid out a beautiful table for johnson to sit down at and serve dinner.

only johnson decided to say fuck you, fuck your dinner, fuck everything you thought about this movie because it doesn’t matter

rey’s parents? nobodies– drunkards. sold their daughter into literal slavery for drinking money.

snoke’s backstory? doesn’t fucking matter if we hyped him up as more dangerous than vader or palpatine– he’s dead now because he apparently couldn’t sense kyle about to kill him. the man can bond two people across light years of distance, but he doesn’t notice the lightsaber that’s slowly being turned towards him? hm.

why is rey so strong with the force? because it belongs to everyone and not the elite skywalkers who literally came from slavery so fuck you for that too

luke’s exile? because he felt bad about considering killing his nephew when he probed his mind and felt he was completely evil. luke skywalker considered killing his nephew, the son of his twin sister, son of his best friend– let that sink in.

kyle’s evil…. but he’s good, right? there’s good in him? or not. for someone who rian says we can all relate with ( sorry but i don’t relate with fascists :/ ) he made it pretty clear that he wanted kyle to be the end all be all villain by the end of 8. so ??????

also why is kyle so obsessed with vader? what the fuck? guess what? you don’t get to know. fuck you again.

character assassination / regression

luke was……… not luke. clearly. mark hamill has said it’s not luke. that’s more than a bit telling.

rey’s whole story literally revolved around following luke around ahch-to while learning jack shit only to then follow kyle around trying to say there’s still good in him. ( another fun fact rian……… luke only was willing to forgive vader when he realized that was his dad. why would rey feasibly trust her abuser / han’s murderer / man who put finn into a coma so quickly unless maybe they had a prior connection, particularly familial? )

finn was turned into a joke, called a coward, called selfish, tased by rose, slapped by hux……. like finn had literally no character progression at all.

poe went from well-decorated commander of the resistance, former officer with the new republic, to hot-headed flyboy who doesn’t take orders and just needs to learn from his white superiors :)))) like……………… do i even need to say it

leia was practically non-existent, and when she was, she slapped poe and later shot at him, stunning him. which, she…. y’know………. never did to han.

chewie and r2 were literally there as props, don’t even try and tell me otherwise. r2 showed luke leia’s hologram back from anh as a means to like…. spur him into action, but??? luke literally did nothing as well even after that?

lack of lando. can i include that? rian said he ‘wanted’ to include lando but he ‘wouldn’t work’ so i think rian just owes me money for having to even try to comprehend his bullshit

hux??? y’know, the fascist general with that terrifying speech before he decimated an entire star system? that hux? he’s just comic relief now. :)

he even has a ‘your mom’ joke thrown at him which is super funny when you remember he’s a bastard and never knew his birth mom so like #goodwriting

kyle is redeemable now!! even though he’s shown no remorse and has already been offered the chance to redeem himself but he took the opportunity to say ‘fuck you’ and kill han so…. ignore all that, ignore the fact that he’s a fascist leader and massacred children and countless others………….. his uncle tried to kill him so he must be in the right :)))

phasma…. you liked phasma? strong villain woman? yeah, well, watch the most unsatisfying fight that ends in finn winning purely by luck because she falls down into a firey pit. mmmmmm that sure was satisfying? :/

regular star wars rules need not apply?

bombs can just be dropped in space because gravity exists in the vacuum of the stars apparently

but a body on a blown-open bridge can remain on the bridge instead of getting sucked out into space….?

a slow-speed ship chase where one ship is running out of fuel? cinematic gold, apparently

for some reason the first order ships chasing the resistance couldn’t have just….. sped up their ships a bit and plowed them over / took them out with tie fighters for no other reason but….. it wouldn’t be convenient that way?

there’s a lot more than this but i’m tired and should have gone to bed hours ago, so i’ll probably just reblog this sometime tomorrow and add more, but here’s this for starters!

#anti tlj #anti rian johnson #tlj spoilers #this movie makes me so tired and i haven't even touched on the handling of new characters yet #in-relative-time

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songofmysnark · 6 years

Text

The Bullshit Industry That Is Women’s Clothing

We’re gonna have a little talk, friends. We’re gonna have a talk about the state of women’s clothing and how much it sucks.

I’m talking off-the-rack clothing aimed at adult, working women. Your Ann Taylors. Your J.Crews. Your Banana Fucking Republics. The Nordstroms of the world. You know, the companies that are trying to get us to buy their most recent monstrosity of polyblended horror and the subject of plenty of thinkpieces, this one included. “Are millennials killing the clothing industry?” Yes, because you deserve to die, but also now we’re naked so can we please strike a plea bargain?

Before any of you get your panties in a twist, I’m counting stay at home moms as working women, because domestic labor is work, childcare is work, and juggling logistics is work. If you can outsource it and the person who is doing it would reasonably expect to get paid, it’s work -- so don’t tell me being a SAHM isn’t work just because nobody’s paying her to do the job of a nanny, line cook, housekeeper, administrative assistant, executive director, coach, motivational speaker, teacher, or community organizer. And also, no SAHM should have to resort to the MLM hell that is LueLaRoe in order to clothe her body. Put the valentine heart printed butter leggings down, Karen.

So, working women, clothing ourselves is hard. It has gotten worse over the past two decades. Let us break this shit down:

Declining quality. Don’t gaslight women over 30 and tell us that the decline in quality is all in our heads and that our expectations have increased as we’ve gotten older and more critical or educated. A lot of us still have our blazers from J.Crew that we bought in 2007 -- at least I do. I saved them because they’re gorgeous and sentimental, and now I save them as a physical reminder that clothing currently available to me as a retail consumer has sharply decreased in quality.

Fit issues. Between the unreasonably sloppy, inconsistent sizing (sometimes between two of the exact same garments), bizarre proportions, limitations on size ranges, and a seemingly universal refusal to cut garments for women larger than a B cup, women’s clothing fits horribly. The solution to this problem seems to be to sew everything in stretchy, cheap materials that are clingy, unflattering, and translucent, which translates to...

...Awful styles. Since the solution to lazy fit is stretch, the industry makes a lot of clothing styles that are not suitable for most women’s daily lives because they’re too cheap to use decent fabric in making clothing to account for the fact that they’re too cheap to invest in fit and quality construction. Oh, you can’t wear a cold-shoulder top and a pair of stretchy black leggings to your corporate job? Too fucking bad, that’s what’s in stock right now. If we call it “Athleisure,” it’s all good! And if you look shitty in it, it’s because you’re not athletic enough to be wearing it.

It’s funny how when women abandoned the corset, it was liberating -- until style started demanding that women become their own corsets. No lumps or bumps or bulges allowed, but unless you want to wear Spanx (read: a girdle), you better diet yourself down to a flawlessly smooth size 2 if you don’t want to look horrible in a simple tshirt.

Sure, good style is available to those who have enough social or economic capital to access it -- and by social capital, I am including people who are thin.

The state of plus-sized fashion has always been appalling, but as the country tumbles into greater income inequality, the concentration of jobs paying a living wage into traffic-jammed cities with a lack of reasonably affordable or accessibly housing, the masses are not going to be getting thinner. The workday has been getting longer, either by extending hours or by making it very clear that people who leave before 6 are slackers, or by tethering us to email in the spirit of “leaning in.” Sorry, when you spend 1-3 hours/day commuting to your soul-sucking job that doesn’t pay enough to afford help to outsource all of the shit you have to do on weekends in order to function as an adult, the “obesity epidemic” is not going to end. How about we call a spade a spade: the “obesity epidemic” is a side-effect of the confluence of income inequality and late-stage capitalism. “Calories in, calories out, it’s so simple!” say people who are able to prioritize and afford to be thin, and are rewarded in kind with clothing that at least isn’t punishingly ugly or uncomfortable.

Let’s talk about uncomfortable clothing: there’s a lot of it when you get out of the stretchy-spandex land masking the laziness of corporate clothing behemoths behind 2% spandex in an already forgiving knit. Wovens, friends, let’s snark on wovens. Wovens are the fabrics that are stiffer -- think jeans without spandex, chinos without spandex, button down shirts without spandex, your wool coat without spandex, etc.

Believe it or not, young people, most of these items didn’t stretch 10-15 years ago, or if they did it was a tiny amount -- enough so that you could comfortably drive a car while still wearing a garment that was purposefully cut and constructed so that it would lay close to the body. Instead of spandex, clothing was constructed with more ease -- more space, looser in areas where a normal human body needs space to move. And nobody looked shitty, because the clothing was made so that the structure of the garment kept it from looking like a sack of potatoes; that structure comes from quality fit, construction, and materials.

And of course, companies will retort that if they did anything the way they did 10-15 years ago, costs would skyrocket! Materials are expensive and skilled labor isn’t cheap, especially if paid a living wage in a country with labor regulations to protect workers! To which I say: bullshit. Costs won’t skyrocket unless you expect customers to pad the pockets of your shareholders and executives to make up for increased production costs that narrow the profit margin. Essentially, you want the same profit margin that was established and became the norm when you switched to shitty quality while raising prices.

The problem is really of your own doing, Mr. Mall Fashion Executive Dude; you trained your customers to expect good quality clothing for decades, rested on your laurels while increasing your profit margins by cutting production costs, got everyone on the corporate end used to booming profits based on this giant margin, and then got confused when shit went south. You went for short-term profits, banking on the reputation of your brand to carry the company through a quality control nosedive. And now we’re rubbing your face in it.

So here’s some advice to the corporate powers that be:

Make some fucking decent clothing.

Make the entire line in a wide range of sizes, 00-24+ with no differentiation between “plus” and “misses.”

Give women’s clothing the attention, quality, consistency, and detail of men’s items.

Stop putting random shit on your clothing. I want a goddamn tshirt without a sequin, weird design, picture of a bird, a saying, etc.

Don’t “bring back a classic” and mark it up 200%. Take a hint: we all still have that item from 2003, don’t think we won’t compare them and put the videos taking you down for both an outrageous markup and a comparatively mediocre product. Looking at you, Lululemon’s “full on Luon” (i.e. regular luon from a few years prior with a new name and higher price). Looking at you, J.Crew icon trench from 2003 (i.e. the old trench marked up higher than it was before but with a shittier fit and cheaper materials).

If your wovens look like shit on the average American woman, that means you need to hire people who know how to design a decent garment, use better materials, and learn about ease, drape, and tailoring.

If your pants don’t fit women with hourglass figures, the problem is your pants.

And finally: Listen to the women screaming at you on Instagram every time you roll out a crappy collaboration. What do they want? Natural fibers, better fit, a size range that is inclusive and reflects the general public without arbitrary cutoffs, good design, cohesive collections, solid basics, durability, functional pockets that can hold a fucking iphone, classic lines, and comfort.

If that is too much of an order, maybe get the fuck out of the industry that makes clothing for women, because there are actually companies that have demonstrated that it is possible to do it right: MM LaFleur (pricey, but excellent), Boden, Land’s End, etc. are all examples of companies that manage not to completely screw the pooch on selling clothing to women. Hell, I’ll even give you Eileen Fisher. Give me some linen and a functional pocket, Ms. Fisher, I’ll gladly look like a sexless therapist who moonlights at an art gallery.

But seriously, fuck right off with this cold-shoulder, poly-blend, lazy bullshit.

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slipteesdam · 2 years

Text

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The main industry of Kashmir is Kashmir sweaters, once again misnamed by the clueless but wealthy inhabitants of the US as cashmere sweaters. Kashmir sweaters are made from the fur of the Kookaburra Marmot. This is a testament to the hardworking nature of Kashmirainians, as it takes thousands of these rodents to be caught, sung to sleep, shaved, and fed the traditional Cadbury egg as an apology for that unpleasant shaving business. Electric razors have sped up this process somewhat, but it is still an arduous task. Their second largest trading partner is the republic of Udostan, as the thundering herds of lizards in Udostan get chilly and This is My Bigfoot christmas shirt Classic T Shirt require Kashmir/cashmere sweaters on those nippy early morning rampages. Those lizards have style and standards…

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A few long, uncomfortable months later, our angry boss left the company. He was rumoured to have been pushed out by the social clique which, like me, he didn’t fit into at all. Saying that, I also got on better with him socially, compared to the clique. It’s just a shame he was angry and swore and spoke to everyone like shit. This happened not long after he swore at me and made me cry at a meeting, believe it or not, on top everything else I was going through… So when he left, I was ecstatic, everyone was, including the clique. For a few weeks, we would all cheer and joke about him disdainfully – for a moment, I chimed in on a This is My Bigfoot christmas shirt Classic T Shirt subject with the clique, and had genuine fun about it. Perhaps we could all be friends, after all? Maybe it’ll be good if I stay a little longer in this job?

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