ykw i actually do not blame those who choose to see or genuinely believe nightheart is a unreliable narrator bc i can actually see. that. however its also so hard to really dig it because the erins keep backtracking then adding these weird comments that are bascially just 'sure hes unreliable but also you Should side with him look how sad he is and everyone just doesnt understand but also who knows maybe thats not true maybe it is'

like. i feel like its just hard to really say until we actually get a real conclusion so i think fighting over it is kinda dumb..bc rereading Everything it just seems like. even the erins arent quite so sure and are desperately trying to fight between babying their male protagonist and going with something unique and greatly altering for the series. cause certain scenes Do read like unreliable narration but then every other scene it feels like the world is kinda of justifying every occurance despite what we are supposed to trust does that make sense

i feel so ugly

sorry for being that guy but absolving a character of any and all flaws or accountability and ignoring the parts of canon that are proof that this character is (thankfully) complex and human aka capable of making mistakes and doing good and being smart in some ways and dumb in others and so on and so forth is just like. sorry but i always imagined that to be the most boring way to enjoy a character and yet.........................

one day i will actually disappear tho n then joke's on everyone idec how worried they are im gone bye

typical late night miseries but literally so sick of feeling like this always

gentle reminder to tag ur caratland spoilers if you haven’t btw some people don’t get to see it asap and don’t want to be spoiled

also reading those klavier analyses today instead of working just reminded me of turnabout airport where klav faces off against wright again for the first time since that traumatic trial and also hes prosecuting against apollo whose been charged for murder and yet theres like barely any tension whatsoever (between klav and nick especially) and everyones characterization is so flat that they had to pull in aa1 mia's "Smile... Lawyer... Yay..." thing in again and apollo and klavier had the most 1 note yaoiful moments for like 2 seconds and it was just a veryyy LOL novel but also i think its reflective of the direction that aa took with dd onwards. maybe. im still not playing aa56 ✌️

honestly i have. considered the idea of adding 1987 + 2003 baxter as their own verses, but also. firstly i havent gone through their respective episodes yet ( also def have not watched every 2003 ep lol i gave up on tht in favour of watching baxter's only ). secondly, im not even sure if i'd label the 2003 verse as such bc it's more like. loosely based on it on account of the fact that i. do not like how he's treated </3 so idk what i'd be doin w/ that exactly,

ooooooh ok juicy sfc posts happening !! i rly honestly truly love to see it. here's my unasked for two cents, as someone who did find the story really hopeful. im posting this not to like, discourse or disagree or discount what im seeing, but to just maybe offer a different pov for ppl who might be trying to file this story away in a less devastating way.

i, of course, think baz deserves better than what he gets from his family. we all deserve to have families that love us unconditionally, and so many of us DONT have that -- including baz. that hurts !! i also think simon didn't deserve to lose his magic, and penny didn't deserve to take on the sole responsibility for keeping simon safe, and agatha didnt deserve to be shoved into every princess/damsel role ppl cast on her, etc etc. 

what i like so much abt this series is that ppl dont get what they deserve, but theyre still okay. its why i also love the end of awtwb -- simons LICH ER ALL Y crying lol. he got a whole mega-bucket of extra trauma dumped on his plate that he hasnt even started to process. but its still so clear that he's got the support he needs to live a good life alongside this terrible knowledge. the mage fucked him over even more than he knew, but he doesnt have to define himself by these terms anymore -- we've seen his growth in this regard.

bazs main arc in the series is about how he sees himself -- in crudely simple terms, he rly wants to be a Good Guy (you know, not a vampire, straight, a good pitch etc etc) but sees himself as cursed with that impossibility. this continues as his idealized Good Guy self develops over the course of the books into something that actually feels more achievable to him and is less reliant on the shit his family put on him growing up. 

the cool thing about snow for christmas is that -- just like when simon finds out abt the mage at the end of awtwb -- we get to see baz's new sense of self tested. we get to see what he's using to draw the lines of morality. and we get to see that while of course he still cares about what his family thinks, and it still causes him anxiety and trauma and all the shitty things that he doesnt deserve -- he has grown from that place where their value system can make him hate himself.

and moreso on the hope part -- the grimms value, above all, the ability to fit into the roles they think theyre supposed to hold. its bullshit, and they've both caused themselves problems and absolutely are fucking up their children. daphne fully had to be saved by a cult bc of it and shes still not over that mindset -- these ppl need therapy lol. so it's def sick n twisted that they're celebrating baz being able to hide better rather than celebrating who baz is, but is this not the utmost sign of love that they're capable of? baz gets to fit in better -- that's all they've ever wanted for him, whether we agree with that or not. baz seems to recognize the balance of this in the story. he narrates the rest of the dinner with a sort of dry, relieved, disbelieving tone. it’s like hes huffing a laugh, shaking his head, thinking, “did i really used to pin so much of myself on this stuff? how silly.” he is not distressed bc he understands his parents, and he has, again, divorced his sense of self from their expectations. so much so tht he says fuck it and gives simon the lil kissy at the end, because THIS is his new value system: he ALWAYS kisses simon goodbye!

so, is this a step forward for the grimms being more supportive parents? yeah, maybe not. maybe it never gets better than baz hiding his fangs at dinner and everyone doing the bare minimum to accept simon's role in baz’s life. that's not what baz and simon deserve. but it could be enough, because simon and baz have different ways that they measure their happiness by. they have each other and penny and shep and ruth and agatha and niamh and every other person they'll meet in the many, many years ahead of them whose opinions they can choose to make important to them, or reject. i love this for them! the true queer hope story imo. thats what i want for myself and for the people i love. 

to be clear: this story made me sob so hard i scared my cats. (im not rly a crier, they did not know what to do). i had to put it down in the middle because i couldnt see the page. any queer person who has Family Shit is bound to get whammied lol. but! i personally find comfort in the idea that we can coexist with people who are important to us but also very difficult to be around, even if its not totally what we deserve. its a very quiet, somber hope -- but that only makes it feel more real to me. 

tag ppl ud like 2 get 2 kno better!!

i wuz tagged by @piratebay uheee thnk u i also #followed u on letterboxd glimmers...

last song: three pistols - the tragically hip

lol......

3 ships: kakuhida, kakagai (both nart), shinnoi (dorohedoro).

fav colour: ORANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

currently consuming: #oiter

1st ship: itches head... so idk if this means 1st ship evr shipped or liek As they wuld say Ur bias ship. i dont partake much in fandom culture nymor... um but my 1st ship evr shipped DONT LAUGH!!!!!!! ok u can laugh but i think it wuz usuk..... Yes thts hetalia................ i wuz Eleven. um nd then my fav ship evr is hard... so many good ships in naruto... prolly kakagai or sakuino... sakuino has such potential nd kakagai is jzt. Cman.

pob: saskatchewan canadar

current location: sulks.......

relationship status: married 2 the grind haha..............

last movie: not rly a movie persay but i watched dark days on the 1st. actually u kno wat i wuld classify it as a movie over a documentary its not rly a documentary at all but its also not a Movie...... its a portrait of a small "homeless" community tht lived in nycs underground tunnels. i say homeless in quotations bcz they Werent homeless by their own definition. they made and lived in little shacks they built themselves, they had power, and they had pets. they had loved ones who lived with them. they all took care of eachother. it wuz a rly touching piece of media if u hv a chance 2 watch it Watch it.

currently working on: ive been plunking away @ a cross stitch landscape of a mountain range.. im abt half way done (ive been working on it 4 So long) but i had 2 take out a sizeable chunk i did the other day cuz i fucked up One square of a line nd it caused the lines i did aftr 2 be out of sorts....... still fuming abt tht

tagging: @wolftattoo @pensiveant @evergreenwish @shitwank @batteriesandflashlights u dnt hv 2 do this if u dnt wnt 2 i wnt b mad :3 Also ny1 is free 2 do this nd say i tagged them if u so desire uheee i luv tag games they r so silly fun

ok so hopefully quick saeru thread on why trying to empathize with him actually undermines his role as a character (im making this because im very passionate abt kagepro's overall narrative and it's themes, and saeru is a core part of that as the villain) this was originally on twitter and is very long so im putting it under the read more lol

to start off, all of azami's snakes were created from some sort of trauma or surivial instinct. despite his sentience saeru is STILL one of those snakes. his feelings are technically fabricated from azami's desire to find herself and later on her fear of change. the reason i believe he is sentient is the fact he was born from such a complicated wish, so he was created with the necessary complicity in order to carry out said wish for azami. and factors like other people, weren't taken into account for his creation. so the sentience wasn't an issue for the hundreds of years azami would be alone. it only became an issue when she met tsukihiko and started a family. this was an unexpected turnout on saeru's part, because the world azami created was one created from isolation and despair. saeru doesn't have the capacity to understand love or kindness because he wasn't born from it. (this is why the idea of him caring for kenjirou doesnt make sense either but thts a whole other can of worms). what he has for azami isnt love, it's devotion. such severe devotion that he is willing to do things that only hurt her just because it's what he believes is right for her. he has to keep living bc she needs him to survive. so now that we've kind of established saeru's character we can move on to his role in the narrative... kagepro obviously revolves around the idea of repeating time, or timeloops. from a simple story perspective it's because of saeru, he pushes marry to the brink of despair, causing her to rewind time in order to be with her friends again. going a bit deeper in manga route 2, we find out his real motivation is to keep living in order to grant azami's wish to find her true self. so lets go back to the idea saeru is only created from azami's loneliness, or her crushing isolation of simply existing, and combine it with the idea that SAERU is the one causing the world to repeat. that saeru hates the idea that azami could find happiness in others. that saeru believes azami cannot be happy in a world created in her image. that saeru causes so much suffering he recreates a medusa in marry, and he feasts off of that despair. what does this mean? thematically saeru is supposed to represent the idea of resisting change, resisting it through constantly forcing oneself to relive traumatizing and hurtful moments in life out of a belief that this is what it always should be. from the comfort in despair. so lets take that and apply it to a different character, the protagonist, shintaro. specially route x shintaro. in route x shintaro refuses to forget ayano, replaying moments in his head over and over and over where he shouldve reached out, shouldve done better. he ignores ene, someone who cares for him and wants to help him, because he believes that by completely indulging himself in his despair and regret over ayano, she will continue to live on in his mind. so, what is that similar to? it almost directly parallels to saeru's idea of causing despair in order to feed off of it to survive. but, there is something that separates saeru from route x shintaro. the fact that shintaro can understand love. when he deletes ene, he almost immediately regrets it. and is horrified by what he's done. he's so horrified that he literally ends his own life, essentially ending ayano's memory. this is the exact opposite of what saeru wants. saeru is desperate to keep living. to keep the despair, bc it's all he is. without it he's nothing. without it, azami is nothing. if saeru was meant to be empathized with, then it would encourage literally every bad thing to happen in kagepro's story. bc he is a representation of that, and can almost parallel to every character with it. kano's painful emotional stagnation, the unhealthy devotion seto has to marry resulting in neglect of his loved ones, kido's belief that she was born

essentially broken, etc. all of these r themes that show in saeru's character. the character that brutally kills the mekakushi dan over and over, seeing their lives as little more then warped reflections of his master. he views it as a game, he finds joy in tragedy. he mocks marry for finding love just like azami had, he mocks her for trying to change the repeating story he had written. he's a hypocrite, because just as marry tries to gain autonomy so is he. so basically, he is portrayed as pure evil because he is the resistance to finding happiness through others despite pain and trauma, and the entire point of kagepro is learning to love the world despite all of the horrible things in it because at least one person can still love another. that the time spent with others can be some of the most precious things in a lifetime, that even when those times pass, those feelings never leave. saeru is a subversion of this, basically screaming in the readers face that "good feelings are temporary and bad ones last forever". he is a direct antithesis to the narrative marry attempts to create as the new medusa, not a a story created from the despair of loneliness, but one from love and care. if saeru was ever meant to be empathized with, then it undermines the themes of summer time record completely. saeru is supposed to be a complete monster, and interpreting otherwise warps the themes jin is trying to portray in the first place.

Hiii ♡♡ u should make a hair FAQ or like a hair routine masterpost

r u a psychic anon T-T bc as I got this ask I was already typing out a hair masterpost…. I‘ve been getting a lot of asks abt hair lately but all of the info has been very scattered so here it is :] ⊹ ࣪ ˖ the hair masterpost ⊹ ࣪ ˖ I will preface this by saying it’s important to do research on what will work for your own hair type! I am still working on it >.< but this is just what I currently do for my fairly fine, naturally wavy hair. I hope this helps ^-^

ᴾʳᵒᵈᵘᶜᵗˢ :

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Walgreens brand therapeutic shampoo

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Ion color repair conditioner (looking 4 a better conditioner :/ )

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Infusium original leave in conditioner

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Beyond the zone heat protectant

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Jojoba oil (optional : add a couple drops of rosemary oil)

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Tangle teezer ultimate detangling brush

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Silk scrunchies + claw clips

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Silk pillowcase

ᴿᵒᵘᵗᶦⁿᵉˢ :

I wash my hair about every 3 days n I frequently give myself scalp massages, especially during shampooing. I focus the shampoo on my roots, then conditioner on my ends and leave it on for at least 10 minutes. I use a large cotton t-shirt instead of a towel to squeeze out my hair because it’s much more gentle. Leave in conditioner + heat protectant and then blow dry on low heat.

I do my best to do my oil treatments every other time I wash my hair but I’m not perfect abt it >. .< .. there are tons of YouTube videos that will do a better job of explaining than I will but basically. focus the oil into your roots and massage.. work it through your hair and ends.. avoid using 2 much oil. I usually leave it on for like an hour or longer. When you wash it out you will probably want to shampoo twice ♡ other times if my hair feels dry I will rub 2 drops of oil in my hands and distribute it through my ends.

I probably don’t trim it as much as I should, n I don’t really have any time routine for this. I do it myself and just take an inch or so off the ends.. it’s also important 2 use hair cutting scissors! I use antique hair cutting scissors tht cut womens’ hair in my family for generations.. not required obviously lol but I think little magics are important.

ᴼᵗʰᵉʳ ᵗᶦᵖˢ :

⊹ ࣪ ˖ To avoid damage, twist your hair up into a loose bun or claw clip while you sleep (see silk pillow case + scrunchies)

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Be gentle w ur hair! I treat it like my little creature.. take ur time w detangling, avoid harsh heat tools, try protective styles, try hair masks, learn about your hair type..

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Hair health not only starts from the scalp n roots but from ur insides.. greens n lentils n fats r good for hair growth. there r also vitamins that are known to improve hair growth but none of it will work much if u r not taking care of urself (u_u)/)♡

ᴴᵃᶦʳ⁻ᵈʸᵉ :

I am occasionally asked about my hair dye so I will include this little bonus section! The hairdye I use is L’Oréal Hicolor black onyx H21 with volume 10 developer. It’s permanent so I only touch up my roots every month or so.

no one asked but thor's theme (aka the hand of odin & the hammer of thor, i think) from g0d of war ragnar0k is my favorite jam of the moment. Ur Welcome btw 10/10 track(s) i think u should listen to it if um. u like Good Sounds and such 👍

Hikakao or Kaohika or both?

i think both are good!

like, kaoru & taking the lead in private despite their public front of hikaru being "the one in charge" in their act to provide a sense of Gap & bc he's a little more 'mature' than hikaru? hell yeaa thts real Nice. but hikaru just naturally being/wanting to be the lead bc he's Like That & likes to see kaoru happy & protect kaoru & kaoru's fine w that & likes it? Also nice! they've just got that Synergy baby they can Do It All. they're equal when it comes to mischief & chaos & bein Little Guys Mweehee so why not in a relationship as well? switch things up; keep it Fresh, & all tht!

however i think i might lean towards kaohika a bit tho...? smth abt him being a little more mature/level-headed & hikaru being a bit more rash & immature.. outwardly emotional.. whereas kaoru is more used to concealing his feelings & helping hikaru out.. im thinking specifically very hard abt eps 15-16 especially where this is displayed

like hikaru just being so full of Emotion and he shows it on his sleeve but then u've got the more composed kaoru here to hold him close...

there's also the case of episode 21 where kaoru was completely fine & hanging out w the class rep guy whereas hikaru was like "WHERE'S KAORU?! WHERE'S KAORU?! KAORU??!!" as soon as he realized they were officially separated & how desperate he looked upon finding kaoru, although u could see that as a point for both hikakao AND/OR kaohika, as his determination could be seen as more gallant & wanting to protect kaoru rather than just an absolute need for them to be together, but his lack of composure could lend to the latter & we could end up w a situation like the pension ep again where it's like kaoru consoling him. but the fact he's worried doesnt show weakness, rather a need & desire for kaoru to be safe & a hatred of not being able to protect him, so really... again, that Both Ways thing. they work so well w each other bc Either could rly be the 'leading' one so to speak.

kaorus absolute cute expression in that same ep in response to be found feels like it lends itself to hikakao a bit hehe. i feel like kaoru prob enjoys being cared abt/for tho & he'd prob also like letting hikaru do his own thing. the vibes of hikaru, his knight/prince & him, the princess (since he already has his pumpkin carriage analogy, so why not take it up a notch lol)

i rly like this line at the end of ep 21 tho for kaohika lol

but gahh theyre just both so good.. kaohika better sometimes, hikakao better sometimes... the Versatility...

thoughts on the nine eyes of lucien so far at chapter 24 bc ohhh my god. oh my god. ok

seeing what lucien was like before becoming the nonagon ltr makes my heart hurt 😭 he was a normal guy (as normal as u can be as a run orphan) who joked with his friends and cared for them and loved them. like he rlly did love his friends u can see it in the way they interact. and the dynamic and banter between them was soo.....AUGH. it wasnt like lucien was the leader and they all followed him with distant respect, they all Cared for each other, and the tombtakers expressing worry when lucien started getting entranced by the journal....good lord. theyre like the m9 but things just. didn't work out for them and it feels so tragic.

confirmed last name for lucien! lucien tavelle....still got a surname starting with t lol

ALSO U KNOW WHAT ELSE IS CONFIRMED? GENDERFLUID LUCIEN LETS FUCKING GO!!!

ok so lucien's past with his family. it's just. Wow. right off the bat we learn he's got a background with performance tying into molly being in a circus, and lucien's tendency to perform constantly and put up a mask. we also find out he's a middle child! he's got a younger sister and an older brother who got Turned Into A Fucking Skin Puppet ???? and lucien's parents forced him to be a lure for the same witch that turned his brother into a skin puppet by getting her more people to turn into skin puppets?? SO much to unpack, we just know lucien has preexisting trauma surrounding soulless and empty husks.

and speaking of lucien's family--aldreda. oh my god aldreda. their reunion hit me like a sack of bricks. it felt like the start of ppl lucien cared abt distancing themselves from him bc of his own choices. it was like he was so caught up in meeting the expectations he set for himself, to protect and provide for aldreda (the performance theme!!), tht he became someone his own sister couldn't recognize. his inability to be honest abt himself and the things he's done only driving a wedge between them further. and it is actually kind of heartbreaking to see how excited lucien is to see aldreda again only to be met without the same enthusiasm and tht she doesn't want him in her life anymore.

brevyn/lucien killed me so fucking bad. the casual intimacy, the silent communication, the way they clicked, the muddled gray area of friendship and smth more, the obvious adoration lucien had for her. ltr every scene brev showed up in, lucien can NOT stop thinking abt how shes so strong/beautiful/charming etc. like can you STOPPP 😭😭 and their final scene is so painful.......when the book is starting to sink its claws into lucien and brev sacrifices herself to get it for him, smth tht will ultimately be his downfall...SCREAM.

the way the book and the effects it has on lucien is described is genuinely kind of disturbing. the more u read, u can practically See the start of luciens spiral and the way his mind starts to splinter. the little details of him not realizing the passage of time, not eating or sleeping because he's so absorbed in it....Wow. and the change in his personality is subtle but still noticeable which i think rlly adds to how unsettling it feels. he's still mischievous and cocky but theres smth Off abt him with his obsession over cognouza and the somnovem.

EDIT: ALSO. I LIKED THE SMALL DETAILS OF HIM BEING A LIL SILLY :) the scene where hes like "hey cree look at this funny hat i found!" and when vess derogna yells at him he's just like >:( and puts the hat on and sits down by the wall LMAO

cw / ed

it’s just hard for me to genuinely believe u care as much as u say when u keep making “jokes” even after ive explained to u so many times how much it hurts me OVER and OVER when i HATE opening up to ppl so even setting tht boundary was hard asf!!!😭😭😭 u know how hard i worked to get in recovery and how it’s been even harder to actually STAY there. u know all the stories abt how my disorder tore my relationship w my family and my old friends about. yet u constantly say triggering shit ON A LOOP EVERY DAY with no fucking warning. bc i had the audacity to be vulnerable for once in my fucking life and open up to u abt my insecurities? then u say my trust issues in general are unfounded and “crazy” when U PERPETUATE THEM. just say u liked me better when i was sicker at this point instead of beating around the bush. for fucks sake

and these r supposed to be my ppl, the closest friends i’ve ever had in my life yet they constantly make me so uncomfortable with the things they say abt my habits and the tidbits they know abt my struggles w mental health. they’re so so great otherwise but then there’s this and no matter how much i explain it they never stop? it hurts so much. and it comes in sprees too; where they just basically bully me constantly for a week and i hav no idea where it came from or how to stop it. i don’t want to let a few idiotic comments interfere wifh all the progress i’ve made but fuck. i decide to treat myself w a lil dessert and there’s a comment. i walk outside in literally any outfit and it’s “oh u better lay off the [whatever food they saw me eating recently] or that’s not gonna fit anymore lol!” i genuinely. don’t understand. iv explained to them hey im in recovery from anorexia after multiple years of struggling w it, ik it’s just jokes to u guys but it really hurts me. nope nothing. the running gag in the friend group is basically that im fat and ugly. that’s their favorite bit nd when they remember how funny it is Oh am i in for a long couple of weeks.

and idk maybe they dont mean it. maybe they rly just think it’s funny; maybe they think there’s nothing wrong w my body so commenting on it is a funny joke bc of the contrast but idrc honestly. one of them even HAS body dysmorphia (and knows i do too!) and STILL does it. like shouldn’t you understand how fucking DAMAGING tht is? its all so hurtful to me in so many ways nd i can’t stop thinking about it. they know i struggle w sh and suicidal thoughts too yet keep this up. like shouldn’t u know that’s gonna make it worse??? i don’t rly have any interest in seeing them if this keeps up. i don’t wanna eat around them or even exist around them if they keep doing this. i feel rly sick. i don’t want to think this is genuinely how my best friends feel abt me and they think it’s ok but. :( i can’t help it. i rly don’t know what to think