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#cw ed
fading-like-daylight · 3 months
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💞 𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝑜𝓋𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒸𝓊𝓇𝓇𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓁𝓎 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝓊𝒷𝒾 💞
• Little Miss Perfect (1987)
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• Sharing the Secret (2000)
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• Maledimiele/Honey Sickness (2011)
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• Thinspiration/Starving in Suburbia (2014)
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• The Road Within (2014)
(not really about eds but it has a character who struggles with one)
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• Feed (2017)
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they used to have Kate’s Secret (1986) but I think they took it off :/
💞 𝑒𝓃𝒹 💞
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waiting-so-long · 2 months
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Deserve It
Established poly 141 x GN!Reader (they/them, no physical description)
Warnings - Trigger Warnings specifically. Reference to ED/unhealthy relationship to food. Talk, and description of SH/Burning yourself. Talk of prescription medication. Nightmares. Bad self image and talk. Please tell me if I missed any ❤️
A/N - this is a pretty heavy one, so please heed the warnings. and please take care of yourself and don’t read if it will trigger you. Love you ❤️ not tagging anyone on this one, because well obviously not. This was barely edited sorry.
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Johnny has been on high alert this past week, with your nightmares starting up again. He knows that’s the first warning sign they get before your mental health takes a rapid decline.
He knows why you seek him out first. Knows you feel like you don’t have the right to ‘bother’ John and Simon, claiming they’ve got enough on their plates. As if you aren’t one of the most important people in their lives. He also knows why you don’t go to Kyle for them, either. While Kyle always has the best intentions, he has a way of forcing others to talk about things, even if you’d rather not form them into tangible words. He doesn’t try to be pushy, but he does pry. And sometimes that does more damage than good.
So, Johnny has no problem just holding you on nights like this. The two of you curled up on the couch to not disturb the others still in bed. His shirt damp with your tears, one of his hands in your hair, the other stroking your back each time you gasp out a shaky breath.
“ S’alright, hen. You’re safe, ‘m here, love.” Johnny coos as you hold him tighter, your breathing coming in a bit smoother.
Thankfully, you eventually fall back to sleep on his chest. Warm and comforted in his arms.
Though, Johnny doesn’t sleep a wink. His mind racing, because he just wants this to stop. He just wants you to feel better, to not have to deal with this shit. Wishes you didn’t have your traumas and your struggles. He wishes he could bear it as his own, he could handle it, he thinks, if he could just see a genuine smile on your face again.
He might be the only one you’ve reached out to as of yet, but he’s not the only one who notices you’re struggling.
No. Kyle feels your absence each morning and night. The two of you usually share the bathroom to brush your teeth and wash your faces together, his arms wrapped around your waist as you fix your hair. That’s his time alone with you, sacred time where he gets to see you wash away the stresses of the day, or prepare for them anew. His heart aches knowing you aren’t taking care of yourself.
Similarly, John aches each time he clears your plate, more food left untouched each day. “Made your favorite,” he tells you again and again, hoping that maybe if it was something you loved it would make it easier to go down. He’s had no such luck.
You’re not taking your pills, either. Simon knows. He’s been keeping track, only because you usually take yours before him. But it’s been days since he’s had to move your bottles to reach his own in the cabinet. He’s even gone as far as laying them on top of one of his shirts he left on your dresser, hoping you’ll take them with the offering. His heart swelled when he saw you wearing the shirt, but quickly deflated when he found the yellow bottle abandoned on the floor, just as full as before. (He knows. He counted.)
But they all know that you’ll come to them when you need them. This isn’t any different than any time before. Right?
When you announce that you’re going for a walk one evening, they all glance at each other. That’s a good sign, isn’t it? Fresh air, and all that.
“You want company?” Kyle tries to hide how eager he is for you to say yes, desperate to spend some quality time with you, to hold you.
The disappointment is heavy, weighing each of them down, when you respond with a quick “No, thanks,” and rush out the door.
“What do we do?” Johnny looks to Price, blinking away the stinging in his eyes.
John sighs, his hand coming to caress Soap’s cheek. “I don’t know, love. I wish I did.”
They wait for you to return. They wait, and they wait. Kyle tries to distract himself by tracing patterns into Johnny’s palm. Price just sits across from them at the table, knee bouncing, as he strokes his beard. After two whole hours, Ghost had enough- his pacing, and the others’ attempts at comfort doing nothing to calm the anxiety he feels.
“If they don’t walk back through that door in two minutes, ’m hunting ‘em down and draggin’ their ass home.” A stranger may have thought that was a threat, the Ghost leaking out, but not his partners. They hear the concern, the sadness, and the fear in his tone.
“Si, I’m sure they’re fine…” Kyle squeezes Soap’s hand and tries to sound reassuring, though he knows he’d leave right beside him to search for you.
John comes to stand beside Simon, a comforting hand gripping the back of his neck. “They’ll come home.” He whispers, pulling Simon closer, foreheads pressing together. “I know it.”
As if on cue, your key turns the lock, and Simon is in front of the door before you even have a chance to open it. When you do, you startle at his proximity, taking an instinctual step back, but he grabs your arm and pulls you into his chest.
“Don’t ever do that again. We were worri-“ Simon stops when he smells your hair. He pulls you back quickly, hands on your shoulders, and you avoid his gaze, shameful, red-rimmed eyes falling to the floor. He guides you inside, and as soon as the door closes he puts his hand out. “Give them to me.” He doesn’t mean to snap at you, and his gut wrenches when you flinch at his tone. He softens, tires again. “Please, lovey.”
You sigh, chin bunching under your frown, reaching into your his hoodie pocket and placing the cigarette pack in his palm. He opens it, quickly counting that there were four missing before huffing and pinching the bridge of his nose.
Gaz makes his way over, sensing Simon’s stress rising. “C’mon, sweet thing. Let’s get you changed, yeah?” He grabs your wrist to pull you towards the bedroom, but quickly lets go when you yelp at his grip. Price and Johnny quickly look at each other, before rushing to complete the concerned huddle around you. Kyle cocks his head to the side. “What was that?”
“Nothing.” You pull your arm to your chest, deflecting his question.
“Like hell it’s nothin’.” Johnny snatches your hand, shoving your sleeve up to your elbow despite you trying to pull away.
None of them can breathe, the room falls eerily quiet. Or at least it would, if your blood wasn’t rushing in your head, humiliation heating your body from your chest out. Four sets of eyes tracing over the fresh burns dotting your arm - several rows of circles, remnants of ash between each one- while your eyes stay focused on your shoes.
Johnny drops your hand, only so he can force you into a crushing hug; you try to ignore the way his exhale stutters against your hair. A pair of lips presses to your temple, facial hair poking your skin. John.
He whispers your name against your skin, “Why didn’t you tell us it was this bad?” You wish he sounded disappointed, angry even. You deserve that much, don’t you? You deserve them to be mad, you deserve to be reprimanded. So why does the heartbreak in his voice feel like the cruelest punishment he could inflict? You let him down. You let them all down.
That thought breaks whatever semblance of strength you had left, and your knees buckle as a sob escapes your throat. Johnny braces your weight, easily scooping you up and walking you to the couch, Kyle and John following behind.
Simon can’t bring himself to move, heavy feet glued in place by the gravity of the situation. He should have done more for you. He shouldn’t have let you go off alone. Shouldn’t have let you go so long with your medication. He would have shoved the pills down your goddamn throat if it meant you wouldn’t have done this. Tells himself he wouldn’t care if you were mad at him, hated him for it. Not if it means he could have saved you this pain. He could have done more. He should have done more. He let you down. He let all of you down.
“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t plan to, I promise! I just- I just wanted to breathe. But I c-couldn’t,” you cry into Kyle’s neck now. Johnny rubbing your back, as John cleans the burns, placing cream and bandages over them.
“What do you mean, honey?” He asks, voice rough with emotion but soothing.
You shrug, but still try to explain. “Just feel like I can’t do anything right. I can’t even eat, or sleep, I’ve got this weight on my chest all the time, so I feel like I can’t even breathe.” You sniffle, snuggling closer to Kyle’s warmth, his thumb rubbing your cheek. “The cigarettes… just missed ‘em. Thought they’d help. And they did, for a bit...”
They let your words hang in the air, waiting for you to continue. Price pulls your sleeve back down over the now cared-for wounds. They wait for one beat. Two… Three…
Until, finally, Simon finds his voice again, coming to squat in front of you. “Then what?” You look up when you feel him nudge your shoulder, encouraging you to shift. He tilts his head, forcing you to meet his warm eyes. He prompts you again. “‘S okay. Tell us what happened.”
“After the first one, I went to put it out. On the ground, y’know like a normal fucking person.” You spit and roll your eyes in disgust.
“Hey.” Johnny warns at your tone, and Simon shakes his head. They won’t tolerate you talking down to yourself. Even if you deserve it.
You nod, continuing. “I didn’t mean to. But after the first one touched me, I just felt better. Lighter. My head felt more clear than it has in so long.” Your voice cracks, and so do your partners’ hearts. “I just couldn’t stop after that. I could finally breathe, think. I needed it.” You deserved it. “I know I don’t make any fucking sense. I know I shouldn’t have done it. It was so stupid, I know it was.” You can’t help your words from turning bitter once more. You start to retreat inward again, thoughts swarming in your brain, your eyes focused on nothing, your hand rubbing harshly against the new bandages sending sharp jolts of pain and clarity to your head.
“Stop it.” John grabs both of your hands, holding them firm to your legs. “It’s not stupid. Just tell us what you need. We’re here.”
“I guess just… hold me? All of you?”
“You think you’ll let me help you wash off first?” Kyle’s quick to explain when the others all give him a shocked look. “No funny stuff! Just so that the bed doesn’t smell like smoke.” He looks back to you, “I could wash your hair, if you want?” He smiles kindly, and the tears build in your eyes again as you nod.
True to his word, he helps you bathe, only focusing on cleaning and soothing you. Once you’re dried and dressed (in one of Johnny’s sweaters and John’s sweatpants this time), Kyle wraps his arms around your waist, pressing sweet kisses to your shoulders as your brush your teeth. When you climb in bed, Simon shifts and pulls your head in his lap, starting to gently brush out the mattes that have been forming in your hair.
You promise to take your pills in the morning, and you know they’ll hold you to it. They know you’re no where near okay, might not be for a long time. But you’re loved no matter what.
They’ll make sure you know that. They’ll make sure you know you deserve it.
———
A/N - If you’re still here, ty for reading. I needed to get these thoughts put somewhere other than my head. Love y’all, please stay safe and take care of yourselves ❤️
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deutsche-bahn · 3 months
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Ich wurde mal während eines... längeren Krankenhausaufenthaltes für einen "Ruheplatz" auf eine psychiatrische Station verlegt. Speziell eine für Essgestörte. Ich war selten an einem Ort an dem es akustisch ruhiger war, ich war aber auch selten an einem Ort an dem die Stimmung so im Keller war. Ich fand die Verlegung mit 14 jetzt auch nicht unbedingt erholsam.
An einem Tag schellte es an der Stationstür. Da alle anderen Patienten per ärztlichen Anordnung das Rennen verboten worden war, war ich der erste an der Stationstür. Dort standen drei Delegierte von der Nachbarstation. Die Nachbarstation spezialisierte sich auf depressive Jugendliche, und hatte Kekse gebacken. Da man scheinbar den Appetit depressiver Kinder überschätzt hatte, wurde uns der Rest vorbeigebracht. In der Politik würde man von einem diplomatischen Fehltritt sprechen.
Egal. Ich nahm die Kekse begeistert entgegen, drehte mich mit dem Teller in der Hand schwungvoll um und brüllte "Wir haben Kekse bekommen!" In diesem Augenblick machte ich Bekanntschaft mit der Zentrifugalkraft. In meiner Begeisterung hatte ich mich etwas zu schnell umgedreht, die Hälfte der Kekse war vom Teller auf die hinter mir versammelten Mitpatienten geschleudert worden. Ein halbes Dutzend Essgestörter zuckte von mir weg wie Vampire vor der Sonne (an dieser Stelle ignoriere ich mal dass Wegzucken eine ganz legitime Reaktion auf plötzlichen Beschuss ist, und tue so als würde es einzig und allein um den Kaloriengehalt der Geschosse gehen).
Im Gegenzug wurde ich von meinen Mitpatienten regelmäßig eingesetzt um Essen auf Station zu schmuggeln. Da ich nicht durchsucht wurde, musste ich mir alles mögliche an Snacks unter die Hoodies stopfen und hoffen, dass keine Betreuerin bemerkte, dass ich beim Gehen knister.
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quick psa. if your tags look like this you need to log off and go to therapy immediately
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bingeblogging · 1 year
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my random homemade meals found in my camera roll so I can remember them later ☺️
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I saw your previous anorexia headcanons and wanted to ask if you could do some for Keegan, Ghost, Soap (,and König if it's not too much)?
I'm currently kinda going through it again, and I need me some comfort :(
Only if you are comfortable, of course!
a/n; I’m sorry to hear that :(, and of course! I’m happy to write for this. I couldn’t find my original post so if some of this is repetitive I’m so sorry
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Konig:
-would buy or find or get any food you felt like eating if you felt like eating anything, especially safe food or comfort food even if you had a chance of eating it
-honestly such a softie, just wants you to be happy and healthy all the time because you do the same for him
ghost:
-mr. I suck at talking but I’ll listen
-his heart shatters whenever he sees you falling back into habits or habits or checking calories, makes him a silent kind of worried
soap:
-any progress is progress and he will cheer you on the wholeeee way <3
-he loves you so much and just hopes that one day your progress will be enough to make you be the best you can be! Set backs are okay and he comforts you whenever he can
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olliecoded · 3 months
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shockingly i wrote this BEFORE watching saltburn. however it's so ollie coded that i think u should all see it anyway ❤️
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themoonlikedmyposts · 4 months
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I feel like I'm stuck, like I can't lose weight...
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ambrosius-goldheart · 6 months
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Cw: weight gain, mention of ED and body dysmorphia
Personally I really like the idea that Ambrosius gains weight post movie, 'cause like the poor guy has been on a strict diet and workout routine his whole life and has grown up with such awful self image and anxiety around food. And now there's not really the same sort of pressure or expectations and he's in many ways free to do whatever he wants with his life
He starts studying and actually working towards a career that makes him feel fulfilled and happy and in the meantime Ballister makes it his mission to make sure Ambrosius actually remembers to relax and enjoy being comfortable, 'cause he seems to have just jumped from one high stress situation straight into the next one
It takes a lot of nudging and reassuring to get Ambrosius to allow himself to eat anything outside of his diet, but he does eventually start to be able to eat a few things he had been too scared to eat before
Obviously this does still trigger the occasional breakdown, but he's slowly and steadily improving and Ballister is so proud of him and giving him encouragement and reassurance the whole way
Just like... Ambrosius healing and learning to finally live in and love his own body in a way he had been denied his whole life
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mona-liar · 2 months
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Also es gibt keine konkreten Canon-Infos über Leo außerhalb der Arbeit aber sehr viel Material für Headcanons und zum mit Arbeiten, denn neben Leos schon recht manischem Herangehen an diese "Ermittlungen", seinem iwie... Schutzsuchen bei Henny, was schon was mütterliches an sich hatte, das ewige Kontrolle an sich reißen und alles alleine erledigen müssen, der Fokus auf Leos Sportlicheit...
Worauf ich eigentlich hinauswill: das gewollte Kotzen auf der öffentlichen Toilette des Casino erschien schon sehr geübt.
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rex-mania11 · 8 months
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havin an ed be like:
tired all the time,
go to bed at 3am, wake up @ 6
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radqueerfluff · 6 months
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# Transedtenues !
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[IMG ID: up to down: a grey-ish purple tone, a light yellow shade, a light black, and pure white. mirrored upside down. wavy effect on the entirety of the flag. ING ID END//]
Transedtenues is a transweight identity where someone’s transweight identity may be influenced by their ed. This applies both for transed and cised people.
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faefeedee · 6 months
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Hiya, I have an eating disorder and I love your account! it's really rare to see people being comfortable with their weight and loving themselves and by seeing how happy you're with your weight it has helped me feel less worried about eating. Especially the videos of ya belly wobbling (I'm sorry if that's disrespectful to say <3) but seeing the cosy soft cuddly side of gaining has helped me massively and in those videos you look extra soft and cuddly! Thank you so so much and please keep posting this stuff, the world needs ya confidence n self love <3
u have no idea how much this means to me fr
i struggled with ednos for most of my life & this community has helped me so so much in recovering fully finally & so it makes me so glad to know my content is helping u too 🥲 i love u and i hope u continue to do well my friend <33
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thesewingmachine · 5 days
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whumpee feeling self conscious throughout their eating disorder recovery due to weight gain and their caretaker comforting them.
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Together (1/1) (jegulus)
"Hello Darling," James heard Regulus say as he answered the phone, though it was followed by a clank and several other bumps and chopping sounds:
"Reg?" James asked.
"I'm here just cooking," Regulus called back.
Ahh I'm on speaker James thought. Then he processed what Regulus had said, "love it's nearly 10 at night, are you just making dinner now?" James asked.
"Well better late than never," Regulus replied.
I'm doing this for you, is what he meant.
See the thing is, Regulus is the flow of James' blood, but James, well James is the air of Regulus' lungs. Together they are the rushing river running through a lush forest.
"You know what you're right. Proud of you love," James added quickly. Sometimes it was the little things that weren't all that little at all.
"I can listen though even while I make this, what's up?" Regulus said pulling James out of his head.
"Yeah, uh I was just seeing how your day went and maybe if you wanted some company?"
"I'd love to see you James, but don't you have that big presentation in the morning?" Regulus asked.
"Uh well I was kinda hoping you would let me practice it for you," James conceded.
"James why didn't you say so! Of course, come, come! I'll make you a plate too, yeah?" Regulus said, and James could hear the smile through the phone.
"I'll be there soon," James said.
I love you, is what he meant.
See the thing is, James is the warmth of Regulus' life but Regulus, well Regulus is the peace of James'. Together they are the softness of the twinkling stars on a summer's night.
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1a286 · 1 year
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here are some yt accs that i love for exercise and other weightloss related content; 
momomi - absolutely love their stomach and thigh workouts, and they’re only 4 minutes for each video!
chubby dolly - their ed vlogs are honestly so calming and chill to watch, i sometimes have them on in the background while i’m writing down cals for the day or prepping for uni 
fflur - omg their restriction vlogs and recipe idea vids are so inspirational!! unfortunately most of their videos are unlisted and can only be accessed through the playlists listed on their profile so it’s not common to get notifications whenever they post but apart from that their channel is great! 
elizabeth chu - their leg workouts especially are top tier, many people expressing positive results almost immediately after their first time trying it out :) very nice aesthetic too imo so they’re kinda calming to watch and not intimidating like some other accs lol 
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