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ectonurites · 3 years

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idk how to quote tags on mobile where is the conner kent essay i NEED it

ALRIGHT OKAY! here’s 5k+ words plus panels & screenshots of me comparing and contrasting the two drastically different versions of Superboy (comics vs young justice cartoon) and going over what makes them such distinctly separate characters. someday i’ll refine this a bit more its kinda just a word dump that’s been living in my brain that i wanted to actually articulate after i read through Reign of the Supermen but here we go:

Pretty frequently I see the question “Why is Superboy so different in the Young Justice cartoon?” float around in DC circles. I think there are two main approaches to answering this:

Why did the writers of the cartoon decide to create a very different version of Superboy?

What factors make this Superboy so different from the comic version?

For the first approach the answer is relatively straight-forward, from the start Young Justice as a cartoon was never meant to be a direct adaptation of the comics. They just used the title and a few elements so they could create their own approach to the DC universe with a focus on younger heroes. For example, Artemis Crock in their show is also COMPLETELY different from her comic counterpart, Zatanna is aged way down to be a member of the teen team, and Kaldur’ahm was created for this show (and integrated into the comics as Jackson Hyde). They were always trying to do different things than the main comics universe, so them making a different version of Conner also makes sense. Their approach to him is also very clearly influenced more by how he appeared in the Teen Titans comic run that was still coming out as Young Justice started airing (his design, and some other elements we’ll discuss along the way), as opposed to his original version from the 90′s/the Young Justice comic.

So the basic “why” is that from the start they wanted to create something unique to their universe, which they definitely did accomplish.

The much more interesting subject to dive into, though, is looking at the differences in Superboy’s story that contribute to him becoming such a different person.

The drastic changes made to the following factors are what I view as the main source of his differences in personality/outlook/characterization:

The conditions and history of the world at the time he is introduced

The circumstances around him being introduced/leaving Cadmus

The reaction Clark has to him and how their relationship starts

The people he first interacted with & became close to, and how he interacts with the world

The timing of him finding out about his connection to Luthor

The State of the Worlds

In the comics, Superboy is first introduced in Adventures of Superman #500 by iconically saying “Don’t ever call me Superboy!”

during a 1993 event called “Reign of the Supermen”, a follow up to the 1992 event “The Death of Superman”. Based on the title of the 1992 event, I think you can, uh, guess what one major difference in the setting here was vs. the state of the world at the time he was introduced in the cartoon. Obviously Clark didn’t stay dead forever, but Superboy first comes onto the scene as a young clone of Superman who insists he is the new Superman (one of the four characters trying to do so during the event). This is in the main DC universe in the early 90’s, which means that heroes in general, including teen heroes, aren’t a new thing! Not only has the Justice League been around for a while but so has the Teen Titans. Once Clark is alive again, Superboy goes off on his own to establish himself as an individual teen hero.

So how is that different in the cartoon?

In the cartoon, Superboy is first introduced in the pilot episodes “Independence Day” and “Fireworks”

on the 4th of July in (what most people consider to be) 2010. This was supposed to be the day that Robin (Dick Grayson), Speedy (Roy Harper), Kid Flash (Wally West), and Aqualad (Kaldur’ahm) would get to see the true Justice League HQ at the Hall of Justice, which... doesn’t go exactly as planned.

In this world, superheroes are a newer thing, this is something that the creators have talked about before. At this point, while there is an established Justice League, there are no known teams of teen superheroes. Just the fact that as of season one Dick Grayson is still Robin is a pretty good indicator that this world is early in it’s time with a Batman. Now, the sidekicks aren’t a secret, as they appear very publicly in this first episode, but they are almost always seen acting with their mentors at this point. Again, there is no Teen Titans in this setting, and there never has been.

So when they do form the first teen hero team? It is kept covert-ops. They do not publicize that they act as a superhero team, and the members who weren’t already publicly known heroes (mainly Miss Martian and Superboy) end up being pretty… unknown to a lot of the world outside the hero/villain community! Again their existence is not strictly kept a secret, but they keep the fact that there’s a team of minors who are heroes going on independent missions VERY under the radar on purpose. Thus, those who aren’t going around doing super public hero activities just don’t have nearly as much of a presence.

So to summarize:

In the comics, Superboy is immediately put in a spotlight (he befriends a reporter and is all over tv and literally trademarks the name Superman) becoming known to the world and establishes himself as a solo acting hero YEARS before joining any teams.

In the cartoon, Superboy is kept relatively out of the spotlight, immediately becomes part of a covert-ops team and doesn’t act solo very often. The well known teen heroes in this setting are sidekicks working under a mentor, and Superboy does not actually act as a sidekick.

What does this mean for Superboy?

Superboy in the comics gets to, right away, act on his own and get a taste of what being Superman is like. In the cartoon, he’s brought into the world at a time where there already is a Superman. I think back to this bit from the therapy episode, where he says:

“See, from the moment I first opened my eyes in that Cadmus pod, there’s been one thing I’ve wanted, and feared. To know what it is to be Superman.”

Comics Superboy started out getting to do that! He immediately got a shot at filling that role, and he then makes the choice to relinquish it back to the original once he’s alive again. He (begrudgingly at first) understood that it wasn’t yet his time to be Superman, and knows he’ll someday fill those shoes for real- but in the meantime being Superboy is gonna be his own thing and he’ll embrace it and make it work.

Cartoon Superboy is left in a shadow, not ever truly knowing what it’s like to fill those shoes (except in a doomsday scenario training exercise gone awry that he then just feels intense guilt over). This leaves him a lot more frustrated and lost, and I think is a major contributor to how angry this version of Superboy is compared to his much more ‘chill go with the flow’ attitude in the comics.

Cadmus

In the comics, in that same issue he’s introduced, we find out that Superboy broke out of his cloning tube prematurely and left Cadmus with the assistance of the second Newsboy Legion, who also gave him his first leather jacket, before the programming that would allow Cadmus to control him was implemented.

He quickly gets up to speed with the situation, that Clark is dead. So he comes on the scene starting to save people and saying he is Superman, or at least the clone of the original one. A major thing that does influence his character here is the fact that… this is the 90’s. He is designed around the idea of what is ‘cool’ back in 1993. (look, even his original character design sheets call him cool)

So right off the bat he’s got a stereotypical ‘cool teen guy in that era’ personality, which is often played for comedy to add a little lightness to some of the dark things happening during this event.

Anyways, he has left Cadmus, he’s acting on his own, and he starts realizing that his powers aren’t exactly the same as Superman’s over the course of the Reign of the Supermen story.

After the main conflict is settled and Clark is fully alive and acting as Superman again, the two of them end up going back to Cadmus to find out what the exact deal is with him. I’ll go into this more in a later point, but they find out he’s not exactly a clone of Superman (or Lex- him being actually involved as a DNA donor is a retcon that happened a decade later). They agree to let someone from Cadmus (Dubbilex- the grey guy with the horns in this pic) leave Metropolis with him, as he sets out on a press tour to establish himself as Superboy now that he relinquished the trademark on the Superman name back to Clark.

Let’s pause and look at how this is different in the cartoon.

In the cartoon, when the trio of Robin, Kid Flash, and Aqualad decide to prove themselves to their mentors they run off on their own to attend to a fire at Project Cadmus when the Justice League got called off to do something else. Upon arriving, they accidentally uncover some weird things about Cadmus, like the crazy amount of sublevels, the creatures roaming around, and the fact that it’s not on the main power grids. They eventually find Superboy, still in his cloning tube. They break him out, but then get captured themselves.

When they are then put into tubes by Cadmus personnel, they manage to convince Superboy to help free them by promising him things like getting to meet Superman, and see the moon. The group of four now working together manages to escape from the building and it topples down, where they are then greeted by the Justice League who are Not Happy.

Superman flies away shortly after, and the group of kids explain to their remaining mentors that sure, they disobeyed orders, but they accomplished something good here, and they are going to keep doing it, whether the League likes it or not. The compromise is the formation of The Team, to be covert-ops while the Justice League acts publicly, and the boys are joined by Miss Martian.

So to summarize:

In the comics, Superboy leaves Cadmus pretty independently (with some assistance) to go act on his own as a hero immediately. He returns to Cadmus later for more information, and they reveal truths to him about his existence. After he knows his truth, he goes off to continue establishing himself as a solo hero but lets Cadmus still supervise what he’s doing through Dubbilex.

In the cartoon, Superboy is rescued from Cadmus by Robin, Kid Flash, and Aqualad, without knowing pretty much anything about himself besides the fact that he is a clone of Superman, and is immediately put on the covert ops team.

What it means for Superboy:

Comic Superboy goes to act on his own, even after he admits he’s not the real Superman anymore. Yes he’s not 100% alone in terms of ‘he’s got people (Rex, Roxy, Dubbilex, Tana) around him’, but as a hero he’s a solo act and ends up taking residence in Hawaii. In the cartoon, by joining a team right away, he’s taking on a very different style of being a hero, especially because the team itself is covert-ops. Rather than regularly saving the day all on his own much like Superman, which can help comic Superboy feel like he’s still living up to the name more, cartoon Superboy is working under the radar in a group setting, while still wanting to desperately fill those Superman shoes.

He is overconfident in his abilities and wants to be the hero he was created to be, so him being put into this very different type of superhero situation is another major contributor to the frustration/anger. Even later on when comics Superboy is part of forming the Young Justice team, they were never a secret covert-ops team, they were always publicly known. (hell, a reporter is the one who gave them the team name Young Justice because he’d misheard Bart)

Superboy & Superman

In the comics, as we have established, Clark was dead at the time Superboy first came on the hero scene. Clark comes back to life, during a little bit of a lull in the middle of the huge conflict. He immediately accepts that Superboy is one of four who came forward to try to replace him, and one of the only two (Superboy & Steel) who genuinely only had good intentions in doing so. Clark, Steel, Supergirl, Hal Jordan, and Superboy then all work together in the big battle against the Cyborg Superman.

Once things are settled, Clark is curious about him, and where he came from and his origin, so they end up going to Cadmus together with Guardian and learning more about him, as I previously mentioned. Once it is established that Superboy is in fact a metahuman clone who was created to mimic Superman, but is not actually a clone of him, Superman still accepts him and thinks he’s earned his right to continue using the ’S’ shield and have the name of Superboy.

They part ways so Superboy can go on his press tour, but in general they have pretty positive interactions where they mutually respect each other! Not too much later in the comics even (I forget exaaactly when this happens but it’s definitely before the 1998 Young justice comic), Superman is the first one to give Superboy a real name, “Kon-El”, something he is so happy about he literally cries.

How is this different in the cartoon?

When the boys first escaped, and Superboy first meets the Justice League, Clark is standoffish. Other members of the league need to nudge him over to go actually talk to Superboy, and it’s not much of a conversation before he flies off and away, leaving Superboy frustrated and alone.

This… turns into the standard for almost the entire first season. Other characters constantly telling Clark that he needs to reach out and be support for the boy (like in this iconic diner scene with Bruce and Clark), but Clark consistently being too freaked out by the fact that someone made a clone of him without his knowledge to properly accept Conner. While this does over time get better, this being the immediate reaction when Superboy is brand new in the world definitely… has an impact!

He is rejected by the person he idolizes, and feels neglected and abandoned, and definitely kinda overcompensates with ego to try to make up for it.

So:

In the comics, Superman and Superboy work together from the start, not falling into a hero/sidekick situation but rather acknowledging each other as individual heroes with respect for one another. They grow to see each other as family much faster, and little tension between them. A crucial difference in situations, though, is that at the time these versions first meet Superboy is not actually a clone of Superman.

In the cartoon, Superman at first avoids Superboy, and does not offer guidance or mentorship or anything the boy needs. It is clear that he wants to work with Superman and be like him, since it was what he was created to do. It takes a lot of time for Clark to accept Conner in this setting, and there is a lot of tension for the first several months Conner exists. (they seem to settle this towards the end of season 1/during the gap between season 2, but it still has it’s impact on who Conner is early in his life)

What does this mean?

I feel like this is another major factor that contributes to Conner being so angry all the time in the cartoon, he feels immediately rejected by the person he’s supposed to be someday, rather than accepted by him. Again, very different from how comics Superboy got a chance to be Superman, and a chance to then work with the real deal as equals.

Friendships, Relationships and Identity

When Superboy is freed by the second Newsboy Legion, it’s primarily out of a ‘we’re clones who are stuck here, but you need to be out there, you’re what Metropolis needs right now!’ kind of idea. The first person he actually becomes close to is a reporter named Tana Moon.

Tana and Superboy’s relationship is… bad once it actually becomes romantic due to their huge age difference (she’s around 23, he is for all intents and purposes 16), but during the Reign of the Supermen where they’re still just friends for the most part, it’s not as bad. Tana becomes the GBS correspondent who focuses on everything Superboy (at this time still insisting he is the new Superman) is doing as a hero, and they become close friends.

GBS then also brings in Rex Leech (and his daughter Roxy) to be his agent, to promote Superboy and manage things for him. Rex is exploitative as hell, but Roxy does become another really important person to Superboy. These characters along with Dubbilex are his main supporting cast at the start of his solo comic when he’s in Hawaii.

In this whole era, Superboy is pretty much a celebrity. He’s cool, he’s a superhero, and I think it’s very notable he does not have a secret Identity. For a decent chunk of time, he is always just ‘Superboy’ (until, as I mentioned earlier, Clark gives him the name Kon-El. Even so, he doesn’t adopt a regular secret identity [Conner Kent, although he actually used a different one, Carl Grummett, before that!] until he begins living with the Kents in the early 2000s). By the time he joins any teams, Kon is pretty damn confident in who he is as a hero and has a relatively good grasp on who he is in general, if anything he’s a little too confident.

Young Justice was created in the aftermath of World Without Grown Ups when the trio of Superboy, Robin (Tim Drake) and Impulse (Bart Allen) had teamed up. After they saved the day they realized they worked well together and formed their team, utilizing the old Justice League base in Mount Justice. They were eventually joined by more members, especially relevant here is Wonder Girl (Cassie Sandsmark) who Kon later dates for a portion of the Teen Titans run that these four are in after Young Justice ends.

The four of them become close, and when Kon dies during Infinite Crisis it rips a hole in everything they had established growing up together over the past several years (Cassie joins a cult dedicated to bringing him back, Tim tries to clone a new Kon, Bart got aged up and took on the mantle of the Flash, etc) and Bart’s death that followed similarly shook the remaining Cassie and Tim. This group eventually does get to reunite, with Kon and Bart coming back during Final Crisis, solidifying how even things like death don’t keep them apart for long. It’s hard to look at the comic book versions of these four characters and imagine how they would be without their connections to each other... until you look at the YJ cartoon and see a world where they’re not even all part of the same generation, let alone a friend group.

Now in the cartoon…

The first people Conner primarily interacts with are Dick, Wally, Kaldur, and M’gann, along with the League members who interact with The Team pretty regularly, Red Tornado, Batman, and Black Canary. He’s shown to be friends with the other memebers of the team and get along with them relatively well, but in general he’s not much of a social person.

Much like in the comics, Superboy is considered very attractive, and immediately upon their meeting, M’gann is interested in him. Very, very interested in him.

At first it definitely does seem more just like an innocent crush, but it’s later revealed to be a little more… concerning than that. As in ‘Megan subtlety influencing Superboy to become her dream boyfriend based on a TV show she likes’ concerning. Like… she literally gives him the name ‘Conner’ after the TV show character that was the boyfriend of the character she bases her human self and entire identity on. The two date and once that becomes a thing, a lot of their plot lines in the following seasons revolve around the ups and downs of their relationship.

In general in this show, Superboy doesn’t really get much of a chance to establish himself on his own terms. Within months of him leaving his cloning pod, he and M’gann start going to high school with secret identities, so he’s already having to hide who he truly is to blend in with other people, before he even knows who he truly is.

So to compare:

In the comics, Superboy gets to figure out who he is as Superman’s Clone/Superboy very publicly, has multiple love interests and a celebrity status, and over time becomes part of a tight-knit group of friends. He doesn’t use a regular secret identity for the first several years he’s active.

In the cartoon, Superboy has one love interest with a very large impact on him, not nearly as much focus is given to his other friendships, and he immediately adopts a secret identity meaning he needs to hide who he is from the start.

What it means:

These factors play a big difference in his attitude, particularly highlighting how extroverted his comic version is and how introverted his cartoon version is. Comic Superboy never really needed to hide who he was until years into his career, vs being told to do so early on in his life. When you get used to needing to hide things so early, that can definitely lead to being more private/disconnected from others. Also somewhat related- in the comics, when Kon is given knowledge in his cloning tube, more pop culture got included. He mentions knowing Star Wars without having seen it, and references a ton of TV and Movies, vs the cartoon version of him that seems to have been given a lot of history of the world but not the current fun stuff. It’s the difference between knowing what’s going on in the world and what’s popular, vs only knowing the past and what’s fundamental. Not knowing pop culture like this can also really contribute to feeling alienated and lead to introversion. (I just... I think about how in the comics Kon’s favorite TV show is Wendy The Werewolf Stalker, in the cartoon Conner just... watches white noise static)

Also, having a completely different set of friends with different personalities has a big effect, people are always gonna be influenced by the people they’re close to to some extent. Bumping Conner up to Dick’s generation of heroes instead of Tim’s not only gives him completely different friends, but it also puts him in this position of being one of the ‘Original Team Members’. By this I mean, a member of the first iteration of the only teen team, one of the people that younger heroes coming onto the scene and joining the team in later seasons see as an experienced and older team member to look up to (despite the fact that cartoon Conner is permanently 16- they never fixed that for him like in the comics). That just creates a different dynamic entirely, because in the comics even when the Tim/Kon/Cassie/Bart group are more experienced on their team late in the Teen Titans run, they are still always going to have heroes like Dick Grayson, Donna Troy, Wally West etc as the older generation of ‘original teen heroes’ who came before them.

Also, while I am talking mostly about in-universe reasoning here, I do wanna bring up one slightly more meta reason that might also have contributed to them choosing to go for a more ‘introverted brooding hero’ characterization with him: the fact that their version of Wally already filled the ‘flirty jokey’ archetype original Comics Kon fits into. Having two characters like that in the show from the start would definitely get... overwhelming. And at the time this show was first airing, in the comics, he was relatively devoted to Cassie and not nearly as flirty anymore anyways.

Lex Luthor / Details of Cloning

In the comics, as I have already mentioned and will now actually explain, when Superboy was first introduced he was not the clone of Superman and Lex Luthor as we know him to be today. Kon was a metahuman clone, made with the DNA of Paul Westfield who worked at Cadmus, that they genetically altered to look like Superman, and gave powers based on the energy aura they discovered to exist around Clark’s dead body. This telekinetic field gave Kon the distinct powers he had for his first decade of existence: His Tactile Telekinesis (often referred to by him as TTK)

Lex Luthor was originally not directly involved in his creation, but he was aware that it was going on as is revealed during the Reign of the Supermen arc. Kon’s TTK allowed him to mimic Superman’s flight and strength, but not all of his powers. TTK also gave him powers Superman DOESN’T have, such as his ability to dismantle machinery or mold materials he is touching into different shapes. (The reason this is called Tactile Telekinesis is because there needs to be a tactile element, he needs to be touching the things)

It is not until 2003, a decade after Superboy was created, that writer Geoff Johns in his Teen Titans run decided to alter Superboy’s origin. He established that Lex Luthor had been the real human DNA donor and that Superman’s Kryptonian DNA was actually used in the cloning process. Around this time, Conner also begins to exhibit more of the typical Kryptonian powers, like Clark did around this age.

This information is at first only known by Conner and Tim, because the email had actually been sent to Tim directly. The two keep it a secret as Conner was not ready to tell the rest of the team, because he fears the implications it has, and is afraid of becoming evil or being rejected. This revelation about Lex being one of his ‘parents’ DNA-wise coming years into his hero career changes a lot of things for Conner, and makes him begin to question who he is. Unfortunately, Lex does at one point take control of Conner and force him to break Tim’s arm and attack Cassie directly (as well as the rest of the team, but these two specifically are what Conner expresses the most guilt over after the fact). This era of Conner in the comics is where he’s definitely closest to his cartoon counterpart, because he’s very troubled and dealing with a lot of heavy stuff regarding himself as a person. Yet there’s still traces of who he has always been in there. I mean, if you’re only familiar with cartoon Conner, can you really imagine his final words as he’s dying after saving the world being “Isn’t it cool?”

Now, looking at the cartoon…

Conner finds out about his connection to Lex in November, only a few months after having existed outside of a cloning tube. He finds it out on his own, from Lex speaking to him directly, after Conner went back to investigate the remains of Cadmus and ended up having a fight with Match (another clone who is able to pass for Conner’s duplicate who they… their version of Match is another thing they drastically changed from the comic version but as we’ve established that’s something they like to do so I’m not gonna dwell on it).

In the cartoon, Conner’s powerset is, from the start, different from both Superman and comic Superboy. Here he has heightened senses and strength and the ability to leap really far, but he lacks actual flight and some of the other standard Kryptonian powers, and has no TTK. The cartoon explains these gaps in his powers as being due to his half human DNA, and they introduce these patches that are able to suppress his human DNA and give him temporary access to full powers. Lex uses these patches as a way to manipulate him. Much like in the comics, Lex has a code word programmed into Conner that effects him, although it isn’t quite used for the same amount of ‘total mind control’, and he doesn’t get fully brainwashed and turn against the team or anything. Instead, the code word (here “Red Sun” rather than “Aut vincere, aut mori” [Translated as “to conquer or die" / "victory or death”]) just leaves him stuck in a hypnotic trance.

So:

In the comics, Kon finds out after years of believing he was a metahuman clone who was given powers to mimic Superman, that he is actually a clone of Lex Luthor and Superman, which alters his entire perspective on himself! This causes him to become a lot more unsure and anxious about who he is, in stark contrast with how confident he was before. There are still traces of his old self within him, but this is a development in his character that influences him moving forward, making him a bit more serious but still at his core the same person he used to be.

In the cartoon, Conner finds out after months of thinking he was a clone of just Superman, that he has half human DNA and the donor was Lex Luthor. While he always had confidence in his abilities, he was still somewhat lost as a person in knowing who he really was outside of things other people have assigned to him (teammate, boyfriend, superhero, etc), and finding out this information about himself just adds to the uncertainty and frustration.

What it means:

Having this struggle be something Conner has to deal with so early in his existence is one of the most fundamental changes in my opinion. Finding out that Lex Luthor is one of your clone parents is something that will alter your entire perception of yourself and who you are! In the comics, Conner had already been confident in who he was so it shakes his world in a really big way, but in the cartoon he still didn’t know who he really was so it just adds to further confusion.

I think that even with the more serious characterization Kon starts getting in the 2003 Teen TItans run, his history and past as the fun cool 90′s Metropolis Kid isn’t entirely forgotten, it’s still a part of who he is/was. Sure, maybe he’s sometimes even embarrassed by how he used to be, but it’s not treated as though it didn’t happen. All of his history comes together to create the character and who he is by the time he wears just a T shirt as a costume.

By skipping over the fun era of his life and jumping right into who he was when he started facing these huge changes, it creates such a completely different set of challenges for him and that contributes directly to how he’s characterized.

Putting it all together

The ultimate point I am trying to reach in all of this is that, beyond just ‘they made a writing choice to make him different’ the environment that Superboy was brought into and the events that took place right when he came into the world greatly influenced the type of character he would become. Every time an adaptation is made of something like comics, there are going to be changes and alterations to fit the world the creators want to make. Sometimes these changes are minor and don’t actually change who a character is (an example for the YJ cartoon’s universe itself: In the tie-in comics [issue 6] it’s established in this universe that the Flying Graysons weren’t just Dick and his parents, but other family members were active parts of it too. One was an uncle also named Richard, who actually survived the fall that killed the rest of his family but was left paralyzed and thus unable to care for him. This uncle already used the nickname ‘Rick’ which is likely why Dick ended up using ‘Dick’ as a name in a modern setting even though it has fallen out of popularity as a nickname because uh, connotations. This is something that is mostly unique to their world and helps to explain some things, but it’s not like tragically losing a few more family members changed their version of Dick and his backstory that drastically. At his core, he still has many similarities to his comic self) but they’re still changes, and that’s okay. Superboy, though, is such an extreme case where they made so many changes that at his core he really does become a completely separate character. Sure he has the name and design, but I was able to write five thousand words about differences here and am struggling to come up with more similarities beyond that.

I think there still could be specks of the original Superboy buried inside cartoon Conner, and that maybe he could have been more like his original version under other circumstances. Looking at these differences and where they come from is, I think, a cool way to begin to understand what elements contribute to who each version of Conner Kent really is. I think it’s clear from how I wrote this that I prefer the comic version, but there are definitely things that are fun to look at and think about with both.

if u read all of this UH thanks for listenin to me ramble! sorry if this is incomprehensibe!

#rainbowroadimpulse #sam writes #conner kent #superboy

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just-patchy · 2 years

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I just read your unpopular opinion about non fictional simping by real people and I just want to express my own opinions for it.

I have seen lots of simping from fandoms and it's not just a single character but even to a ship as well, straight or gay/lesbian ships.

My main concern about self insert shipping to the canon characters is that most of the OCs they made are specifically for them to be shipped with the characters they are simping on, while it wasn't that bad, sometimes it can get really out of hand, especially if they really made them just to be shipped with no depth in character at all. I don't really like people making OCs with no character other than being a typical love interest to the characters they are simping on. MalleYuu for example, Ive seen people shipping them so bad that they want them to be legit. Even if we're aware that it won't happen, and I'm brave to say that I'm guilty for this.

Also, sometimes people always see the idealistic side to the characters they Simp on that they made them almost OOC. Like some of the boys in Twst. Take Leona for example, most of the Simps for him interpret him in the most OOC way possible, how he will act differently when he were to have an S/O when in reality, he literally gives no damn care about others and can be a jerk, even if you're a woman (at least in his pre character in EP 2) and how they see Malleus as a misunderstood and lonely Fae, while it may be true, they forgot that Malleus has flaws that gives him much reason to be feared.

I just want to share this, I read a manga about a fujoshi who is female, who loves BL so much that she wishes to be a boy and get a taste of sweet BL anime life. Its kinda weird but a bit bothering that it happens too in real life. That a person would throw away their real persona and become a fake almost perfect version of themselves in a fictional world just for a fictional guy or having a perfect fictional romance that they think they would never have. Many Otakus have been facing that issues that it becomes a mundane thing for them now.

That's all I have to say, I would extend to how they oversexualized the characters, especially the lolis (shivers) and insisting it to be real but I know it will be the same thing over again. BL is probably the most guilty when it comes to being over sexualized, most LGBT are bothered with they way how BL fans interpret such romance as too sexual when BL can be like any normal romance.

———

Yeah I’ve seen my fair share of ocs made only to ship with characters and while I’ve done so myself, I don’t really take those ocs of mine seriously, more like a fun “hehe what if they smooched” moment. I think the biggest problem with ocs specifically built for ships is when the creators take these ocs too seriously and get defensive when people don’t like their ship, and are desperate for validation for their ocs/ships even though it’s just a bunch of basic ship tropes haphazardly stitched together. I don’t have anything against any particular ship, but using your example of MalleYuu, I don’t necessarily think it’s going to be canon either. Malleus doesn’t have a lot of experience socialising I assume, aside from maybe some fancy court functions, because of his status. Yuu is pretty much the first friend he made on his own outside of his usual circles. Honestly, while I do ship MalleYuu a bit, I’d be just as happy if they end up having a strong platonic bond. I think people force shipping a lot when really sometimes you can just leave the characters in question as friends and it’ll probably be the exact same thing.

I’ve also seen people project so much of themselves or their desires onto characters that they basically reduce them to reverse harem characters. Classics also include “Idia is a shy soft anxious uwu gamer boi when GM proves that he’s capable of being sassy and a lil selfish”, “Floyd is just an oversized puppy who means hugs when he says he squeezes people when he’s really like halfway to becoming a serial killer”, and a few more. Don’t forget the staple “love cures all trauma so the obs don’t actually matter bc they have an s/o who loves them uwu”. If that’s how relationships worked we wouldn’t need therapy, all we need is like, Tindr or something.

I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with wanting your self insert to be an ideal version of yourself, but I’d say maybe don’t just use the same old tropes over and over even if they are true to who you are or who you want to be, add some unique flair or subvert tropes in your way. When all ocs end up being like the same character with a different appearance, you stop keeping track of them tbh. Also, try to be a bit realistic if you’re making a serious oc (if you make one for fun/crack then just go ham lol). 22 different characters aren’t going to fall in love with the same person. That’s just not something that will happen. Surface level crushes? Maybe, but not actual love.

I wouldn’t necessarily say BL is the most guilty. There are regular ol’ hentai mangas and stuff out there that’s just as bad after all. It’s just that the fujodanshi happen to be the most vocal about it which attracts the most criticism I’d say. I’ve read some BL manga that have pretty good portrayals of romance, and even one that was based off of essays from a famous gay activist and essayist in Japan. It’s a bit of a biography about his life and how he struggled with romance before meeting his husband, and the translation I read included a translated section of one of his essays as well. It was quite a touching read.

Anyways, back to the original topic, I don’t necessarily know about oversexualising the characters? Mainly because as a teenager I don’t necessarily find the idea of the characters having sex or whatever that strange? I can’t speak for everyone but honestly judging by the amount of horny teenagers on the Internet idk why people still have a problem with sexualising the characters when they really should start looking after the teenagers posting things like “i’m really kinky ;3” or “i wanna get fucked by [insert character name] 😩😩🥵🥵” instead. Characters are ultimately part of fiction, and even the most horrendous things that happen to a fictional character cannot hold a candle to a fraction of said horrendous things that happen to real people. And this is coming from someone who regards themselves as a stereotypically horny teenager:

MINORS PLEASE STOP GOING INTO 18+ SPACES AND MAKING LEWD STATEMENTS IN PUBLIC WHERE ANYONE (INCLUDING CHILDREN, P/DOS AND P/REDATORS CAN SEE) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. AND PLEASE STOP COMPLAINING WHEN YOU INVADE 18+ SPACES AND DIDN’T EVEN AT LEAST BOTHER READING THE DAMN TAGS. THE ADULTS ARE PROBABLY JUST AS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH YOU THERE.

Overall good points anon 😌😌

#submission #patchy answers #long post

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urmomsstuntdouble · 3 years

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If ur still doing the 100 followers thing, well I challenge YOU with deciphering Lithuania.

ok anon thank you so much for asking this question because i have in fact recently fallen in love with lithuania, because they are such an interesting character! (also hhhh im so sorry for how late this is)

Gender

As you may have noticed, I usually use they/them pronouns to refer to Lithuania. I hc them as being nonbinary and using he/they pronouns, though I personally prefer to use they rather than he in that case because. Idk what pronouns you use. But in my experience it’s really hard to get people to call you ‘they’ when you go by ‘he/they’ or ‘she/they’ or smth like that. Though I don't imagine any of the nations are very attached to their “birth gender” (are nations born???), lithuania is one of those who is a bit less attached. They’re just sort of there, in terms of gender. In my headcanons i also think this has something to do with religion, as lithuania was one of the last european countries to convert to Christianity- just because so much of gender as we know it comes from christianity and what people in the 16th and 17th centuries considered a ‘good’ christian. Thats not to say that there are no gender roles in other religions, but that the way westerners typically conceptualize gender has quite a lot to do with the religious conflicts occurring within christianity. Like you can trace the ideas behind the nuclear family archetype back to the protestant reformation. Additionally, I hc them as being Jewish, which further distances them from the western christian gender roles (though that’s not why i hc them as jewish! More on that later). Finally, i just like myself some trans/nb characters. There’s so few popular trans hcs and that makes me kinda sad ya know? Welcome to the trans agenda its just me projecting onto all my faves

Mental Health

Okay, so, i think it’s pretty well known that lithuania’s mental health is wack. They’re often characterised as being a very anxious person, but i think the ways in which they’re anxious is super interesting. For one, they are extremely conflict averse and like to avoid it by being a sort of people pleaser. It’s a sort of defense mechanism, because nobody can hate you if you do whatever they say. Like, if you let people be shitty to you, they won’t hate you for your personality. This is clearly flawed logic because then people are still going to be shitty to you, but. It makes sense to liet. In their mind, it’s okay to let people hurt if your reason is sound enough- Because if they’re not super emotionally engaged in a relationship that’s unhealthy for them, then they can’t get hurt, right? Of course, they can. A good example of this is their relationship with Russia. I think tolvydas sees compliance as necessary there, in order to avoid being hurt. The thing is…compliance is also hurting them, even if they see it as ‘worth it.’ To them, behaving in a submissive way is a survival tactic. A really bad one, but a survival tactic nonetheless.

This also plays into their tendency to be self-martyring. I think Tolvydas is very good at fighting, and all around a really awesome warrior (strong aragorn energy), which makes them think that they need to be the one to save everyone. Hero complex, sort of. This, coupled with their almost maternal care for Latvia and Estonia, makes them feel like they have a sort of weight-of-the-world on their shoulders. Though Estonia and Latvia do look up to them a lot, Tolvydas can sometimes fail to realise that they are also their own people and can fight their own battles. He feels a sort of obligation to protect them due to their shared culture and languages as The Baltic Trio, though it doesn’t go much further than a sense of obligation. They spent most of their youth fighting, to the extent that that’s most of what Tolvydas personally knows as ‘life,’ but they never actually got to know the other two Baltics very well until the modern day. They have to protect, have to be a caregiver, but they don’t actually know super well the things they’re trying to protect. It’s both a sense of obligation to protect as well as the sense that this is all they’re good at and as long as they’re fighting for a morally just cause, that’ll do.

I think something that would expose this flaw would be when they were first taken over by the Russian Empire in the 1790s, they were pretty miserable about a lot of things- Like the loss of all their territory and the sudden statelessness of their people- but a big one would’ve been the loss of Poland. This isn’t meant to be super shippy, but you know. They were united into one kingdom, and they had been for centuries, so i don’t imagine it was an easy separation. Though this is more up for debate where real people are concerned, these characters were essentially a big part of each other, ya know? Regardless of how much Lithuania actually likes Poland, they’re still a part of each other and that separation will undoubtedly be painful. Anyway, all that is to say that this separation was at the forefront of their mind during the beginning of the 19th century, and they let it sort of prevent them from taking care of the other Baltics. The issue with that is that they still considered themself to be protecting Estonia and Latvia, even though, in reality, nobody was. Also in reality, Lithuania was making themself out to be the worst off, and were generally sort of annoying to be around at this point in time. Their whole woe-is-me attitude wasn’t fun, and they were hypocritical in that they saw themself as being a better friend than they actually were. They still see themself as being a great friend, and though it’s improved in recent years, they’re still sort of. Flighty, i guess, where friendship is concerned. There was also a lot of annoyance by the other baltics about them being so self-martyring- Tolvydas was Ivan’s favorite, after all (that’s not necessarily a good thing, but. He was softer on them in certain ways). Anyway, I guess the big takeaway of this paragraph is that Liet often lets their self perception cloud the way they act in relationships.

Much of the stuff I’ve mentioned so far is a result of them having quite a lot of PTSD. I think Lithuania’s character tends to be explored through a few common lenses, those being the medieval vibes of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth and through being oppressed by the Russian Empire/Soviet Union. Not to say that there’s not a lot of other content about them, but this is what I see most often. I think that all the nations have some form of PTSD, but with Lithuania it’s very pronounced, and it’s made clear that a lot of their tendencies are a result of past trauma- Like the need to take care of others. This is likely originating with their childhood, as they grew up in a very violent environment where their survival was never guaranteed (survivor’s guilt much?) and violence was just the way of things. This is where the need to protect comes from. There used to be several more Baltic nations, though you could argue that now there’s only two- Lithuania and Latvia, as Estonia does not speak a Baltic language and would really like to be considered Nordic.

Finally, Lithuania is also an interesting character where forgiveness is concerned. I think their sense of morality is very black and white, so some people (Feliks) will be easily forgiven where others (Ivan) will not. In reality, I think it would definitely be valid for Tolvydas to hate both of them, yet they don't- Because they decided that Feliks was a friend and Ivan was not. Both Feliks and Ivan care very deeply about them, but neither treats Tolvydas in a very good way. Of course, I’m aware that the situation in the Russian Empire/USSR and the Commonwealth were very different, but I’m talking about these three dudes and their relationships with each other beyond the lens of politics. Because Feliks tried to be their friend in a way that didn’t hurt them tremendously, and because. Look at them, Feliks isn’t 5’4 and can’t hurt you. They’re not an intimidating person and they’re not incredibly powerful like Ivan is. Though that’s not all of it- Feliks’ feelings for Tolvydas are definitely a purer, more selfless type of love than what Ivan feels for them- it makes it harder for Tolvydas to hold a grudge against them. Whereas for Ivan, their relationship was about control. He needed to control them as a way of expressing how he felt about them. He represents a lot of what Tolvydas fought against in their youth, so of course they hate him. Of course, I don’t think they like holding grudges. They want to be able to care for everyone, because they know that everyone deserves to be treated well and cared for and all that. You can't exactly do that if you hold a grudge against someone, so it actually kind of sucks for them when they see someone they hate suffering. It’s a sort of conflict of interest- The caregiving instincts vs the hatred for this person- and they often don’t know what to do in that situation. Usually they wind up helping but not happy about it. They just don’t want to see others suffer, despite the fact that they dislike this person (Russia is of course the exception. They don’t want to help him at all anymore).

Relationship with family

So, this is a bit of an interesting topic. I think the Baltics consider themselves family just because of what they’ve been through together, but they’re not actually blood related. Though they share similar cultures, and languages, they’re just not related. Maybe Lithuania and Latvia are cousins, but yeah. Lithuania sees themself as the head of their little family, as they have the oldest surviving European culture and language. They sometimes get in their head about that, and can act like both a mom friend and a mom who is bad at mom-ing. It’s a sort of self appointed thing, and can be really annoying to the other two. They don’t pay the utmost attention to their fellow Baltics, and are more concerned with physical well being than emotional well being, so, despite establishing themself as a caretaker, do not wind up actually caring for the other Baltics in the ways they need to be cared for.

Fighting style

So, as I’ve mentioned, Lithuania is a talented fighter. They go hard as shit, and can very much kick your ass. I think they prefer to be very technical about how they fight, with something boring like a broadsword as their weapon of choice, but are not afraid to fight dirty. Like rip off an ear with their teeth kind of playing dirty. I think they take fighting very seriously. Though Lithuania as we know it is only about 800 years old, I think Tolvydas is much older. The definition of a nation (a large body of people united by common descent, history, culture, or language, inhabiting a particular country or territory, according to the oxford dictionary) does not require there to be a central governing body, so I think it’s quite possible for Lithuania to be well over 2000. Anyway, all that is to say that they didn’t grow up in medieval times, so by the time they’re like. Achieving dominance in Eastern Europe, they’re already very old and well versed in many different styles of fighting. In the modern day, I think they’ve learned more different fighting styles from other parts of the world, but will always fall back on the way they learned how to fight in ancient times.

Religion

So as I mentioned earlier, Lithuania is Jewish in my headcanons (orthodox, specifically. I think they're kinda traditional). I have a couple reasons for this- There has been a historical presence of Ashkenazi Jews in Lithuania, going back to the 13th or 14th century, and this is due to certain legal protections granted to Jewish people under pre-Commonwealth law. They were legally on similar footing to the average free people of Lithuania, and were able to create a slightly more prosperous community than Jews in other areas of Europe. This was also affected by the Black Plague of the 1340s. Orthodox Jews tend to put a high value on cleanliness, and often have two sinks in their houses (my childhood home, for example, had two sinks, and i lived in a majority jewish area). They also happened to be concentrated in Eastern Europe, due to the protections. Because of this, Eastern European Jews have some of the highest sruvival rates for the Black Plague and actually brought up the survival rates of the region as a whole- Though this also resulted in some intense antisemitism, as many Christians blamed Jewish people for the plague even happening, due to their higher survival rates. Despite various expulsions and the loss of legal rights, the Jewish population remained relatively steady up until world war 2. Jewish people made up about 10% of the total population of Lithuania in 1941, and 45% of the total population of Vilnius. (To put this in perspective, the entire world population is only about 0.2% Jewish). Anyway, all this is to say that it’s not out of the question for Lithuania to be Jewish.

Extras/Fun stuff

Lithuania loves reading, especially the fantasy/fairy tale genre. It makes them nostalgic without the trauma of reading historical fiction.

They’re also very musically gifted, and can play the piano, bass, ukelele, and flute.

They wear docs.

They love hot chocolate.

They remind me of both Aragorn from lotr and Hozier. They’re such a sweet lad.

Bicon who has like 5 people thirsting for them at a given moment but is either oblivious or not looking for a relationship right now.

Here are my fics with lithuania as a main character!

My previous character analyses of lithuania (sorry they’re mostly in shipping contexts, rip) and another good analysis someone else did

My playlist for them

and i think thats it! of course i could always talk more about them, but those are my thoughts for now! thank you so much for the ask, i hope i was able to meet your challenge!

writing requests

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whentheynameyoujoy · 3 years

Text

Women in SPN—Is it Really That Bad?

TL;DR: Somewhat, yeah, it kinda is.

This is going to be a series of long ones, people.

Before I jump head first into this giant vat of weird toxic shit, let me say something:

The thing about most of the female characters is that on their own? They’re perfectly fine, ranging from serviceable to the occasional flash of thematic brilliance. Barely any of them qualify as “this is hateful on its face and incompetent regardless of context and the writers should feel bad for ever conceiving of it”, i.e. the normie benchmark for justified criticism. It’s only when you put these characters next to each other that a worrying pattern emerges;

Although discussions about sexism in the media were very much a thing in the mid-2000s, as well as shows with characters whose primary role wasn’t to serve a man’s needs, I can’t honestly claim that the flaws of SPN are out of the norm for its time; and

The first few seasons could really do with a PSA at the start of each episode, something along the lines of “A part of the reason why female characters are killed off or written out with such regularity is rabid superfans who couldn’t abide anything with tits brushing against J2, srsly, the writing team and the 2000s’ fan base were a match made in hell, except it wasn’t the writers who couldn’t do with bitching on their LiveJournals about the gall of women to exist in the show, choosing instead to harass the creators and actresses and wives and call them every sexist insult under the sun AND I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE HAS THERE EVER BEEN A CESSPIT AS DISGUSTING AND NUKEWORTHY AS THE SPN FANDO—“

Anyway.

SPN has a legacy (as a posterchild for not knowing when to bow out gracefully, but legacy nonetheless) and isn’t watched in 2005 but in the year of our Lord Today. Meaning that as time goes by, the issues surrounding the show’s production retreat into the background and only what’s on the screen remains, to be judged on its own merits.

So let’s run down a list of the more noteworthy and relevant female characters of the first arc, focusing on their characterization, role in the narrative, and end. In the conclusion to this series of posts, the sum of characters will be analyzed as a whole to see if there are any unique tendencies in the show’s handling of women as opposed to that of men. I’ll do this for the original five seasons as the recent finale went out of its way to say that nothing after season 5 was strictly speaking necessary so why bother.

(Also because I died of frustration in season 8 and vowed not to subject myself to any more of the post-apocalypse fanfic era)

Angels, while strictly speaking genderless clouds of energy, will be classified as men or women depending on the apparent gender of the vessel they spend most of the time riding. The same goes for demons where I also take into account their stated gender while they were alive. That’s because although beings like Meg, Ruby, Anna, or Lilith can’t technically be considered women in the show’s present day, their consistent preference for conventionally attractive and/or female vessels throughout the original arc makes claims of genderlessness essentially meaningless. For all intents and purposes, we’re watching girls and women on screen.

Baby—the only true NB of the first run

All right, time to jump.

Say hi to our ladies!

Mary Winchester

Killed in the very first scene to give the story a reason to exist, she remains an active presence throughout the first arc where she has a wide-reaching influence on the plot and characters, driving the conflict on several levels. Fleshed-out more and more with each appearance to be more than just “the dead mom”, she’s portrayed as protective, pro-active, capable, and assertive, mirroring the duo’s desire for normal life and their inability to have it. Her story comes full-circle in season 5 when the personal tragedy of her fate is embedded in the wider tragedy of the Winchester family curse and the overall theme of destiny.

Status: Dead as of s5

Importance: Major

On her own: Textbook example of fridging… and that tropes aren’t bad in and of themselves.

Jessica Moore

Comparatively, if anyone doubts fridging can evolve into something meaningful, Jess drives the point home by having no personality and no point but to prop up her boyfriend before she ends up pinned to the ceiling, the reveal of which is the most interesting thing about her entire existence. At best she’s a symbol of Sam’s civilian life, at worst an obstacle to be removed for the story to happen.

Status: Dead as of s5

Importance: Major in terms of manpain, non-existent otherwise

On her own: A cardboard cut-out, barely qualifies as a character

Missouri Moseley

A psychic and the primary reason why John Winchester even knows to wipe his ass. Appears once over the course of the first arc yet everyone wants her to come back years later—that’s how awesome she is. Has this fantastic trait of being compassionate and empathetic while not taking a single speck of shit from anyone, especially when it comes from the two main dumbos who might just as well have been raised in a barn. Is very particular about the pristine state of her coffee table.

Status: Alive as of s5, killed in s13 (wait, what?)

Importance: Major…ly wasted potential

On her own: As strong a character as Bobby Singer, and as worthy of being elevated to the main cast.

Lori Sorensen

The writers can’t figure out why anyone in the universe would care about Jess either so they insert an intentionally awkward romance subplot to convince people the time’s not yet ripe for Sam to stop grieving and start slaying. The result’s… erm… well, awkward. Lori’s naïve, sheltered, devout though accepting of her non-repressed friend, and sort of on a religious crossroads because of her hypocritical preacher father. I guess the virginal power of her virginal virginity does… something in the plot? Primarily a vehicle for Sam to mark the stages of his moving on.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor

On her own: A bit done. Like a bit lot. Like a “could be a trope namer” bit lot.

Meg

Boom, baby!

Arguably the chief antagonist of season 1 and one of the best things about it. The first one to point out the pervasive toxicity of the Winchester family business, so props for perceptiveness. Possesses the standard qualities of a lower-level henchman—manipulative, no-nonsense, and quietly sinister which, while not exactly groundbreaking, sets her apart from the other bad guys in the season as they tend to have no distinguishing characteristics at all. Plus Nicki Aycox makes the role seem more unique and “lived-in” by projecting a sense of understated amusement at the two main chucklefucks. Is one of S1’s turning points in blurring the lines between monsters and humanity. Has a face transplant twice—once to have revenge (good on her) and the other time to pursue someone else’s goals again before getting stomped into the ground like a mook.

Status: Alive as of s5 (?), killed in s8

Importance: Major

On her own: The actresses do most of the heavy lifting. Which doesn’t mean I don’t love watching the character burst onto the scene and announcing the end of the Winchester brand of bullshit.

Layla Rourke

A terminal cancer patient in a religious cult, she’s a more mature take on a Lori-type character and the themes of faith and doubt. Serves as a conduit for Dean’s budding survivor guilt, self-loathing, and sense of worthlessness. Is kind and cheerful, with strong hints that she’s relying on forced optimism to get through the days; also understanding of the circumstances of others while realistically freaked about the possibility of death. Weirdly, she enters the episode already in a state of acceptance and leaves it just as accepting when it’s confirmed that yeah, she’ll die soon. All expressions of anger at the injustice and senselessness are left to her mother which somewhat undermines the “struggling” portion of Layla’s character and renders the final scene where she makes peace with her fate a bit hollow.

Status: Implied dead

Importance: Minor in the overall narrative, major in the episode and Dean’s development

On her own: I want to like her, I really do, just… if only she were allowed to get pissed, once.

Cassie Robinson

Dean’s ex and that’s pretty much all there is to her. I struggle to pinpoint a single personality trait of hers—the 2000s idea of a “strong woman” and “not like other girls”, perhaps? Undermined as a love interest because TPTB don’t show the happy or any parts of her relationship with Dean so really, why should anyone care if two sniping assholes with little to no chemistry get back together? Memorable for being in a horribly scored softcore scene which YouTube tries to convince me lasts for shy over a minute, not the week I remember it to. Involved in the show’s first and last attempt at incorporating the issue of anti-black racism.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor

On her own: She’s in the racist truck episode. ‘Nuff said.

Sarah Blake

A sophisticated people-person conversationalist with a love of high art and a deep sense of introspection. Ascends to the state of godhood by being able to pull off pigtails while adult. Bonds with Sam over responding to loss by crawling into a shell but deciding to move on. Doesn’t care for your fancy schmancy fine dining, Romeo. Isn’t ashamed to openly talk feelings which includes her explicitly asking Sam if they have a thing going on (honestly, this is such a breath of fresh air for a normcore romance). Despite being scared out of her wits, she refuses to be shoved into the helpless civilian box after learning about the existence of the supernatural; Dean creates a Pinterest wedding board in response.

Status: Alive as of s5, pointlessly dragged back to be murdered in s8

Importance: Minor in the overall narrative, major in the episode and Sam’s development

On her own: A great love interest that has enough writing behind her to fool you into thinking she’s something more.

Up next, whenever I feel like it, seasons 2 and 3!

#spn #spn critical #supernatural #supernatural critical #sexist writing #mary winchester #missouri moseley #meg masters #sarah blake #layla rourke

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trulisthetic · 4 years

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I had a bad day today. I did something stupid and got in an online argument with someone who told me that Jim and Pam were an unhealthy couple. I told her why I don't think that's the case without insulting her and got shot down anyway. What would you make of it?

This turned into a monster-post. Oops.

First and foremost, I’m really sorry that you had a bad day. My understanding is that that “someone” wasn’t very kind and respectful to you even though you were towards them. You know, the internet is such a wild place. Under the cover of online profiles we create for ourselves we sometimes act in ways we wouldn’t in real life. We forget that there is an actual person on the other end and not a heartless machine. And being on the receiving end of that... well, it sucks. I’m sorry you had to deal with that today.

I get that you feel like you did something stupid - because yes, online arguments don’t often get us anywhere, they only end up frustrating us, even hurting us sometimes. But trust me when I tell you this: If you were respectful and didn’t insult her, then you did absolutely nothing wrong. This wasn’t your fault. They’re the only ones accountable for their behavior. I get that you feel off right now, but really, all you can do from this point forward is; just keep swimming :P

All that aside, not everyone is going to agree on everything at that is granted. And it is okay. That’s what makes the people that think like us and share our interests so special and beautiful in our eyes, you know? It’s okay if somebody on the internet doesn’t think Jim and Pam are a healthy couple. Maybe they trigger something for them - a reminder of a past relationship that didn’t end well. Or maybe there is no reason for it - this is just the way they view it. All of those are fine, everyone is entitled to an opinion. I would even be interested in hearing them out, because, honestly, I can’t think of how Jim and Pam’s relationship could possibly be considered unhealthy. But from what I understand - and correct me if I’m wrong! It’s just what I got from the way you phrased your question - the person you argued with didn’t really have many points themselves, they were just arguing for the sake of arguing, finding problems when there really weren’t any. And that’s what’s really problematic. When people go out and shout accusations of unhealthy and problematic and abusive relationships, all they do is make a fool out of the REAL problematic and abusive ones. And that’s the true tragedy in all this.

Now onto Jim and Pam themselves. It never even occurred to me that this would be an issue; their relationship being considered ‘unhealthy’.

Since day one, Jim and Pam have always ALWAYS brought out the best in one another. And I believe that anyone who argues on this point in particular has been watching a different show. I mean seriously, they were written this way. Their love was, to its core, written to be of the purest kind. They have a strong base as friends, which is the best foundation you can have in a relationship. And they’ve always been each other’s “person”, since the first season. The one they turn to every time they have a problem, like when Pam is frustrated with Roy, or when Jim dies of boredom. They’re partners in crime, their time together is full of the most awe-worthy combination of mischief and touching moments, and just... joy. Have you seen two people happier to just be with each other’s presence? Have you seen anyone’s eyes light up the way Jim’s does every time Pam “chooses him” when she’s “bored” or when she tells him he has “very nice teeth”? Have you seen on anybody else's face that wide smile (with the tongue peeking between the teeth) that Pam gets every time Jim takes a second too long to choose a jellybean flavor, or buys her a coke for a round of jinx? Those two bring the greatest amount of joy to each other, while doing the smaller, most insignificant things. The only thing that could possibly make them wrong would be if their relationship was toxic.

And Jim and Pam’s relationship is not toxic.

Let's look at some signs of a toxic relationship okay?

It feels bad. All the time. Well. I kinda just went through that. The only times it’s felt bad for them was when they were apart, in season 3 mostly, and then in season 9. And yes, they had marital problems. So, SO many couples do, if not every single one. They handled one situation poorly, and it backfired on them, and they drifted apart. And then they found their way back to each other. At this point, I want to quote one of my favorite pieces of writing, ever. I use it a lot, but it applies here so perfectly, so... @acutelesbian said: “A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.” A while later, she reblogged her own post and added: “I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I’ve written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class. After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort. She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice. Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation. The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with. The divorced ones said they chose to walk away. Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days. I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.” There it is. So. Jim and Pam had some issues during season 9. They didn’t communicate well, they made some poor choices, they didn’t handle the situation they were thrown in very gracefully. And yet they made a choice, the choice to stay and push and fight for their relationship. They went to therapy, together. They opened up, discussed their feelings, communicated, worked out a solution. They chose each other, even though at the time they weren’t each other’s favorite person. They went through a rough patch and came out of it together, stronger than ever. And HAPPY. If that’s not the epitome of a healthy relationship, then I don’t know what the fuck is. Having said all that, I think I also covered these signs of a toxic relationship:

You avoid saying what you need because there’s just no point.

There’s no effort.

Nothing gets resolved. So let's move on to the next ones.

You’re constantly braced for the ‘gotcha’. This is for when there’s a trap in every statement or question, and even though everyone makes mistakes, yours are used as proof that you’re too uninvested, too wrong, too stupid, too something. And this is seriously as far from Jim and Pam as humanly possible. They’re seriously the exact opposite of that, always lifting each other up and supporting one another through their mistakes.

When ‘no’ is a dirty word. “I think I want a wedding-wedding.” “Cranford? No.” “I don’t know if I want this.” “I don’t think you should go to Philly tonight.”

The score card. Let me show you how wrong you are. Before they were together, they both had some “weak” moments, during which they didn’t exactly act fairly. Not once in all these years have we EVER seen one call the other out on their past mistakes. They’re not keeping score, they’re discussing them, dealing with them and moving on. There isn’t a more mature way to go about this.

There’s a battle – and you’re on your own. Again. In every chance they get, in any problem they face with third persons, they always stand by the other’s side and lift them up and support them. Just like when Pam was there for Jim when Ryan made his life hard in s4, or when Dwight terrorized him with the snow in s7. And just like when Jim made the list for Pam when Robert California set her aside, or when he demanded answers by her side from the dude who did call “a dork like that” back. Those two are a team, and not just when they’re planning ways to prank Dwight, or they’re sharing looks across the room over how ridiculous Michael is being.

Privacy? What privacy? Oh, I LOVE this one about them. How they get to be individuals and they are not defined by one another. They get their private time, private hobbies, and that’s such a healthy part of a relationship that so many just overlook. The only time that wasn’t the case was when they were using the world’s smallest Bluetooth - but it was so obvious that they were both craving it so much because they were missing each other, and they were both more than comfortable with it. Until that conversation with her classmate happened, which I’m sure signaled the end of that way of communication for them. But remember all those months they were apart? Remember how Jim TURNED BACK halfway to New York because “I’m not that guy. And we’re not that couple”? Remember how respectful they’ve always been of each other’s need for privacy?

The lies. Oh the lies! The only lie between the two (If you don’t count the “I can’t” of Casino Night and the “It was three years ago. I’m totally over it.” of The Secret) was when Jim didn’t tell Pam that he started a business in Philly. Which he told her an episode late, by himself. And it served as the perfect opportunity to show just how steady the foundations of their relationship are, and how much they trust and faith they have in one another and in their love. I’ll never forget how Pam reacted to realizing that Jim is keeping something from her. She didn’t call him out or corner him for answers, she simply waited for him to tell her when he’s ready. Then when the idea of an affair was thrown on the table, Pam shrugged it off, saying “Jim? No. He loves me too much”. And it’s not easy to say that theoretically, much along actually act on it. But when in season 8 Kathy hit on Jim while they were in that hotel, there’s a deleted scene of Jim and Pam on the phone, and Pam is actually joking about the whole thing. It’s impressive and miraculous just how deeply these two trust each other, and believe that they would never hurt the other like that.

Physical or verbal abuse. Or both. We’ve seen Pam being handled roughly by Roy, and then we’ve seen the way Jim treats her, like she’s the most precious butterfly. And HEAVEN HELP ME, the guy was too scared to look at her for too long in the beginning. He’s the most gentle and caring man I’ve seen, in words and actions alike. And the very same goes for Pam. The only time she’s spoken badly to him was when she said “Shut it” as she was storming off Michael’s office when she found out he was dating her mom and Jim knew. And she was clearly very upset and not acting like herself. But we can all agree that this is not a pattern of behavior, and that Jim and Pam have NEVER, EVER been abusive towards one another.

Not including the other in big decisions. This is the only one that’s kinda true. Jim decided to buy his parents’ house, then decided to start a business, then Pam decided to sell the house, all without including the other. Despite those, that was an issue that they were not blind towards, and Pam even brought it up in season 9, and it was one of the problems they worked through at couples therapy. And that’s exactly what a healthy and mature relationship looks like.

So there you have it. Those are the main signs of an unhealthy relationship. Wanna hear the definition of a healthy one?

A healthy relationship is when two people develop a connection based on: Mutual respect. Trust. Honesty. Support. Fairness/equality. Separate identities. Good communication. A sense of playfulness/fondness.

In a healthy relationship you:

Take care of yourself and have good self-esteem independent of your relationship

Maintain and respect each other’s individuality

Maintain relationships with friends and family

Have activities apart from one another

Are able to express yourselves to one another without fear of consequences

Are able to feel secure and comfortable

Allow and encourage other relationships

Take interest in one another’s activities

Do not worry about violence in the relationship

Resolve conflict fairly: Fighting is part of even healthy relationships, the difference is how the conflict is handled. Fighting fairly is an important skill you help you have healthier relationships

Have respect for sexual boundaries

Are honest about sexual activity if it is a sexual relationship

Accept influence. Relationships are give and take; allowing your partner to influence you is important; this can be especially difficult for some men.

Trust each other and be honest with each other

Have the option of privacy

Now, let us all think each and every one of those through. And let’s think about it twice before we accuse perfectly healthy relationships of being toxic.

That’s all I have to say. Sorry, this was so long, and thank you for staying to this point!

All I know is that, for me, Jim and Pam’s relationship - along with that of my parents’ - is the healthiest one my eyes have ever seen. And I feel so lucky to have discovered those two gems. 💜

#jam #jim and pam #pam and jim #jim halpert #Pam Beesly #healthy relationship #the office #the office us #rambles #masterpost #monsterpost #qs & as #Anon #answered

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maddiefriendlovesbilly · 4 years

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Spencer x Ghost?

Spencer x Ghost

(AAAAA- it has been months since you sent this to me, and all i can say is im so sorry) Side note I have my friend @lethalbreadkills helping me with this one!

For reference: Maddie (maddiefriendlovesbilly) is green, Jimmy (lethalbreadkills) is red (((its 4:30 at the time i have joined this so im dead braincell wise sorry yall))) and Orange is stuff we decided together :3

Also this is so very chaotic im so sorry for this anon but this has been in my fuckin drafts for SO LONG and this is the only way its getting finished (its now 5 am uwu) im so sorry for all the shitposting i do its a mess. I shouldnt have been allowed here. (we finished at about 5:30 am its hell <3)

Sphost? Ghencer?? Sphoster??? I adore and despise them all equally.

We have decided that it should be BeanieGhost

Anyway I think this ship is really cute

They’re both so neurotic I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue

One of them starts a rant on some topic and the other joins the hell in

I’m an advocate of LETTING SPENCER INFO DUMP BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT OKAY

And Ghost would let this dream come true???

I would die for both of them and if Spencer told me I had to die I wouldn’t even complain, no questions I’d just be like “Aight.” I trust him that much.

(Not sure I trust Ghost’s judgment enough to do that unquestioningly; sorry Ghost)

Back on topic

I can’t imagine these guys on anything that comes close to society’s definition of a date

It’d be more like “hey you wanna come on this hunt with us?” “maybe, depends if there’ll be snacks” or like chilling in Spence’s room binging the entire star trek: original series in one sitting or “oops sorry about that level 11 entity that attached to my soul and is now wreaking havoc in your house, wanna make out later to make up for it?” “Fine but you also have to play three rounds of Call of Duty with me afterward”

They wouldn’t be romantic often but like highkey? I can see them throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other with a recklessness only they could survive

We can’t forget that Spencer is a more than 60,000-year-old overpowered demon/god/entity/thing, which, yes, could throw a slight wrench in this ship for multiple reasons, but I choose to make angst out of it instead.

Side note: Ghost is a chronic conspiracy theorist (and you can’t tell me otherwise) and every once in awhile Spencer will offhandedly say something like “Y’know I helped the Egyptians build the pyramids” and Ghost just goes fucking feral.

Look, I’m not saying Spencer IS touch-starved and most likely has issues creating and developing relationships and therefore avoids interpersonal connection, especially offline, but I AM saying he is prime material for it. (thats a lie thats exactly what shes saying don’t believe it) (I’m projecting okay dont judge me) (loser imagine projecting)

Imagine with me for a second: Why does Spencer willingly stay with a family who locks him in their basement with only minor complaining? He’s a near all-powerful entity just released into the world for Spence’s-sake - If he wanted to, there’s no telling what havoc he could wreak! So why doesn’t he? Why would someone so powerful, so terrifying, so dangerous that a group of people decided to seal him away forever stay with the first family he finds in sub-par conditions for years - especially someone who’s seen to be as high-maintenance as Spencer? Let me hit you with a theory: He’s chasing the feelings of validation, safety, and love - no matter how rarely it’s shown - that a family can provide. Being socially isolated for even a few years can do a number to a person’s psyche (I should know, I’m projecting onto this character right now), let alone thousands.

Now maybe Ghost can’t match thousands of years in isolation, but damn if he doesn’t have a few years of crippling loneliness on his record too.

I can see the two of them learning how to be vulnerable around others together, emotionally and physically; learning how to open up and how to talk through issues; and some third point, because points are better in threes.

(May I suggest that these losers are both trans but thats just me adding in my own projection lmao)

(You absolutely may)

Imagine the conversation thats just “so i have a murderer in my head thats an ass” “rip to u ig sounds like a you problem :///”

imo spence has trouble expressing emotions other than like,,, annoyance and haughtiness, its like sort of his go-to defence, so showing Ghost his emotions is a big step for him

I hear you, and i say yes good. (found this one headcanon that i kinda live by where he was uh, either autistic or adhd i dont remember but theres that too) OH yeah that would be at thing huh. Spencer: *is emotionally vulnerable @ ghost* ghost: oh shit im trusted??? Oh fuck uh.

Yeah so like…. Ghost and spence showing emotion at eachother is kind of :flushed: ghost be like: whats an emotion. Imagine having emotions fuciiing loser hhaha,,,, *laughs nervously*

Ghost is also very emotionally distant with most people so it would probably be like “what??? The fuck?? Emotions?????? You have those???”

Ghost and Spencer be like *gay*

So another idea is that maybe Spencer realizes Ghost doesnt play any games [like the uncultured SWINE he is] and decides he must [remedy] this and so he introduces him to like, nintendo first. (some bitches thought that said nintendo fortnite. Im bitches) and theyre playing like, mario kart or smash or smth and Ghost gets really [fuckin into it]

Ghost and spencer: *literally in eachothers laps playing fucking wii tennis*

Spooker: what are the- *TOAST FUCKING SLAPS A HAND ACROSS HIS MOUTH* shut up you dont wanna know what happens when its mentsonssbfdjfsd (sorry i had a stroke uwuwuwuw)

(Theyre in denial we don’t judge in this house)

They will not hesitate to play dirty either, they will straight up push each other over and vaguely flirt

Ghost is losing and straight up fucking goes “ur hot” and spencer actually dies and boom ghost is the winner. sparkle emoji Magic sparkle emoji

“I am Not a HomoSexual:™:” “Yeah, sure you aren’t” “Screw off”

Pet-names-ish: Asshole, Gaymer-Boy, casual insults, Mr. Spirit Bitch, Mistake, Loves Ghosts More Than His Boyfriend What A Fucking Loser aka Gay-ass

Pros:

They both open up a lot most likely. Gain someone to trust since they’ve sort of been through the same things (though on much different scales)

I can see soft hours of hanging in each other’s bedrooms

Spencer is a tsundere you cant tell me otherwise youre just a coward if you disagree

So is Ghost so this can only go well

Every time Ghost has to solve a case at the Acachallas Spence is just peaking out from his basement like “the fuck is this?? Hot Man??????”

Enemies to lovers 500k (Gets Hot and Steamy :flushed: NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!11!!!!! 18+!!!!!!! GAY LOVE StORY!!!!!!) Lemonz!!! Made from teh Sexiest of Wattpaders UWUWUWU YAOI Boys Love don’t like don’t read!! (this is so fucking stupid jkfnd) I hate this with a passion Q^Q. All my years of being a basic watpad fanboy have helped me to the moment i bring maddie to tears

The steam is just like,,,,, holding hands and being angy all the fuckin time the steam is literal because their anger translates into actual steam

Cons:

Their angst has nowhere to go and it just sits between them like two raccoons at a dumpster-style mexican standoff

They really start off hating each other huh. Like, I know this can still lead to healthy relationships but neither of them are very good at healthy relationships with people he hasn’t known for his Whole Life so that’s an Oh No.

They totally feed off of each other’s stupidity (but this could be seen as a pro too so take that as you will) as well as anger - im talking one-upping each other kinda shit

Its ridiculous honestly how intense it gets, like they straight up need intervention sometimes because they dont realize they can just STOP

Conclusions:

I think this would be a relationship that would that a lot of time and hard work to make work, but i think in the end it would be really super cute!! Like it would make no fuckin sense to anyone else but somehow they’d understand each other and help each other through their similar issues. Also theyre both big nerds in different ways and i think they’d have just ranting sessions back and forth over and over and it would be soft!!!!! So yeah, i think it would work, at least, i want it to :D

So. Maybe?? I feel like it could, but they’d need to work pretty hard to make it healthy and not constant fighting. Could be stupid amounts of cute and wholesome but also could be stupid amounts of oh no and pain, depending on how the two act. If they learned how to get along with each other and work past their differences it could be super cute and soft. Just a very, er, bumpy beginning. And middle. And end. (this makes me very nervous,,,,why did you mention an end) (wouldnt you like to know weather boy) (TvT) UFDUNS bumpy but soft . Agreeing with the loser gay, want this to work it’d be interesting :3

#spencer x ghost #jess writes #ishhhhh???????#venturiantale #venturiantale pie #johnny ghost #spencer acachalla #johnny toast #jimmy casket #fred spooker #let me know if you enjoyed this or not it was intense #sr #ship review #ship reviews #vt ships #vt ship reviews #vt ship review #vt sr

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there-must-be-a-lock · 4 years

Note

it's fresh and exciting, and I love it, and more than that, I love it for YOU. / And of course your writing has always been GOOD it's not about technically ability. I just feel like we are seeing a different side of you. // And maybe just maybe what you're working thru isnt quite so dark any more. It's still deep, and beautiful, and thank you for sharing! / But.... I hope you can hear what I am trying to say. DO you have any thoughts?

Hooo boy. Okay, so, I’ve been thinking about this some, because I’ve definitely noticed this in my own writing! I had a thought, the other day, that I should apologize to the people who originally followed me for smutty SPN reader inserts… because that is NOT the majority of what has been happening on this blog lately. Oops. I’m not actually sorry though.

Basically, a couple things have changed.

1. At the end of January, I finished Marked. It was the most time-consuming (over two years) most serious (meaningful and personal) and longest (83k) thing I’ve ever written. For the two years I was working on it, I think everything else I wrote was mostly filler: romance, smut, whatever, all of it basically served as a palate cleanser between deep difficult dark excursions into Marked. So when Marked was done, I felt really satisfied, like it would be okay if I never contributed anything else of substance to the SPN fandom, because I was proud of that one thing I’d accomplished. I also felt more confident, because I’d proved to myself that I could tackle a project that big and actually follow through and finish it. Most importantly, though, I felt like I’d worked through a really major trauma, and moved through a major step in my healing process, and I could move on with my life. Now that the Big Trauma was purged onto the page (doc, whatever) I could free up some brain space to think about other serious life experiences and delve into other dark nasty corners of my psyche. Wheee!

2. I joined a lovely little Slack chat full of smart, supportive, talented, creative, kickass ladies, whose opinions I respect beyond measure. Finding that community of people who are always there if I need criticism or brainstorming or support or whatever else is a huge, HUGE boost to my creativity. I used to have random “oh it’d be funny if…” thoughts and I’d kinda brush em off and let them go. Now I share them, and there’s somebody there to come back with “that’d be hilarious, and also this should happen, and also here’s a picture of Harry Styles in a collar, now WRITE THE THING.”

2a. One incoherent flail from one of the Slack crew always means more than any number of reblogs from random people. Not that comments and messages don’t feel good, always, but it means so much more coming from someone whose work I admire and whose opinions I value, and who I care about on a personal level.

3. I realized that reader engagement was seriously down, and that there was no way anything I wrote was going to get as many notes as it might’ve two years ago, and that the amount of time and energy I put into things is never proportional to the amount of notes those things get. When I realized that, I took my one last fuck I’d had to give about notes or whether anyone would read something, and I chucked it out the window. Defenestrated that fuck. I have zero fucks left.

So, where does that leave me? Fuckless and happy.

No, literally though, fuckless. By which I mean, thanks to the Womanizer and some soul-searching, I’ve realized that I’m very content on my own. I’m just not particularly interested in sex right now, and I think that’s come through in a major way in my writing. Not that I haven’t written any smut, but it’s all had an underlying theme/issue/twist to it. Finally was about consent and communication and how difficult it can be to be honest with a partner. Envy was about, um, envy, and how ugly it can be. The most romantic, “normal” smutty things I’ve written were probably Five Seconds and the Everything quarantine ficlets, and those were pure escapism, because 2020 sucks and so I rewrote some of it. We are in a shitty situation and I wanted to imagine it less shitty for a minute.

One thing I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is psychology, and very specific, darker facets of the boys I’d never really taken the time to dig into before, and through them, some of my own issues. Prey was a really weird twisted adventure into Soulless Sam and the way his brain worked. Set Yourself On Fire was about what I assume was the darkest time in Sam’s life, and it ended up being about my own depression and addiction issues. Quitting, also about addiction, and the way we perceive ourselves and hold onto patterns. Sharp Edges was about a personal headcanon I have about Sam, which is that he’s a very reluctant sadist who feels guilty about what he needs, but it ended up being just as much about the general psychology of BDSM and kink and the ways we hide from other people. When I stopped looking at the Winchesters as romantic leads, I found a whole lot of interesting material for other stories.

Crossovers have been a ton of fun. I realized I imagine crossovers in my head all the time: what would these two have to say to each other, what do they have in common, wouldn’t it be funny if Valkyrie from the MCU met Gail from Sin City (“My warrior woman. My Valkyrie.”) or if Buffy and Dean had a pissing contest about who could sacrifice themselves the most. Again, there’s SO little overlap of fandoms for some of my favorite characters (see also: the Sam Winchester/Frank Iero fic) but I’ve just stopped caring (see #3 above) because they are so entertaining for me to write. Take a couple cool characters! Smush em together and see what happens! It’s like a chemistry experiment. Let’s see what explodes.

And then there’s Fluff Friday. I’ve always had a tendency to put a lot of pressure on myself and to make everything Deep and Meaningful and Important, but I’ve realized that tropes exist because people fuckin love them, and I fuckin love em, and why the fuck not write a millionth “there was only one bed” fic, because I always love reading those. I’ve been allowing myself space to just do whatever the fuck makes me happy, and I’ve been taking requests because it’s also nice to make other people happy sometimes too. Even if there isn’t a real plot, even if it’s just 300 words where nothing really happens… those little moments can make someone smile. Like I said, it’s 2020. We all need some fuckin smiles.

Tl;dr version: I stopped putting pressure on myself, I stopped worrying about notes, and I started writing the things that interest me. I’m having so much more fun writing these days. 10/10 would recommend defenestrating your remaining fucks.

Thank you for still reading, and for noticing the change, and for sticking with me and my unpredictable brain. Your friendship is one of the best things that’s come out of this whole fandom deal.

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sometimesrosy · 4 years

Note

Hello again. I was the anon who, having previously sent you critical messages, sent you that apology and the subsequent pledge to do better. It was not an idle promise. Obviously it's not your responsibility to educate or help the people who are hurting you on their journey of self-improvement (if they're truly on one at all? big if!), so I understand if you don't post this, but I wanted to at least share with you if it might be interesting. After doing some soul-searching, I think... 1/?

2/?... I think a big part of why I felt entitled to police your tone in responding to anons and other bits of discourse on your own damn blog (again, wrong of me), was because I didn't recognize your right to your boundaries and your space. And it wasn't, for me, a conscious decision not to; I realize that very rarely in fandom have I ever been confronted with anyone putting up personal boundaries. Sure, people have opinions and desires for their fandom experience, but they (and I) have... 2/?

3/?... they (and I) have tended to back those boundaries up with 'unassailable' reasons. Being LGBTQ, being POC, being a CSA- or domestic abuse-survivor... and it's become the mental shorthand that in order to have boundaries at all, one must justify them, which obv isn't true at all. One can have whatever boundaries one wants to. A space is your space even if you didn't 'earn' it (yikes past self, I'm seeing it now...). Combine THAT lack of understanding with a lack of understanding of... 3/?

4/?... a lack of understanding of my OWN boundaries... It's no wonder I've been moving through fandom on the erroneous view that all of fandom was an open space for me to bleat my opinions to. In my mind, formed as it was by using the Internet as my primary escape from a reality in which I had and still have very little of my own space and very little respect from my closest people for my OWN boundaries, yikes. I couldn't see your right to YOURS. I'm so sorry, again. And none of this is a... 4/?

5/?... none of this is a justification for how I wronged you. I wronged you, Rosy, and I'm sorry. Having my own issues does not excuse me for passing them along to others. I am an adult and I did not act like one. I was acting like the scared kid who can't take criticism or even a kind, firm word in the wrong tone... because that's who I am still inside. But that's not your responsibility, it's mine. It's time for me to grow up and try to be more than what happened to me when I was a kid... 5/6

6/6 So, again, I'm very sorry. I hope others who have hounded you also work on themselves and try to do better and be more respectful of your boundaries, the boundaries of others, and their own boundaries. And, sidenote, in case I get misconstrued, I am tacitly aware from some things you've said that you are an abuse survivor, Latinx, and (possibly? iirc) LGBTQ... so I didn't mean to imply otherwise earlier, though it's worth my repeating that boundaries require none of those as a prerequisite.

I’m actually really impressed with you. You’re doing some MAJOR self work and are very self aware. That’s HARD. You’re challenging your preconceived notions and facing the hard parts of your past and history and realizing when you are projecting onto other people.

You’re also looking at fandom, a place that allowed you to avoid your own issues, and seeing the failures of fandom itself and how it supports these toxic mindsets.

And thank you for recognizing your own words enough to recognize the intersections that I have within the fandom discourse. You actually really know who I am and what I said. You listened.

I don’t really have anything to add to your words in terms of understanding or philosophy because I think you did all the work, so I kinda just want to say thank you, and that I’m proud of you. I am impressed.

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heat-riser · 3 years

Text

Some weird analysis of when you knew me.

I’ve thought about doing this for a while. One part screaming into the void, one part for anyone who was on tumblr in it’s heyday and watched me be strange and into- frankly- the worst characters and really terrible ships. I’m 26 now and understand a bit more about myself after finally finding a good therapist who specialized in sexual trauma and delving into the deepest darkest parts. Maybe it’s part insight for people who were friends with my at the time- and by ‘at that time’, I guess I mean any point in my life up until a couple years ago. From around 5 years on- I was in a constant state of incredibly deep sadness and anxiety but was too numb to even really consciously feel it. I learned some of the worst things about people and became acquainted with some of the worst things a person can feel at 5, and then again multiple times around 9 due to rape by two different boys. The first, my family and people around me knew about pretty immediately. The second was completely unknown to people until recently. It’s not an easy thing telling your parents another neighbor boy who was a ‘friend’ raped you too. I can’t really explain properly how deeply this effects a person and how people don’t really understand it. Things as little as not being able to be outside my house without a jacket and full pants to cover my whole body because I internalized that showing your body is vulnerability opened up the possibility of sexualization and therefore- attack. All the way to now with everything being resurfaced and having nearly no sex drive and being unable to feel arousal without more anxiety coming in and overpowering the arousal feeling. It was recently recommended to me by my therapist to not play horror games because the feelings of arousal and fear are so tightly linked. I’ve been with the therapist for three years and anticipate at very least another 3-5 and she has clients who have been seeing her 10+ years for having experienced childhood sexual abuse. I can’t remember if I’ve talked publicly here about any of that but most of my friends are aware of the first one (it’s not really something I want to throw out there randomly and conversations in covid time are strange). I was only aware of the first one up until a couple years back. When talking about buried memories, how they come up, how to tell if they’re legit, I halfway thought “what if there was more” and felt sick to my stomach. One of the sure signs of a memory being true is an emotional response. I’m in the process of reclaiming the memories of the events involving the second neighbor boy. But point being- I learned the world was awful very early on and it became the background for all future development (sexual, social, self, etc. etc.). I began to numb myself after the first event and went through half of elementary school and middle school angry, sad, and hateful- I especially hated men, but also just the world at large. By high school, I had learned to shove all of that down. I can’t really recall feeling much of anything in high school. So the people that knew me at the time really only knew a weird ghost of a person. Then there’s this thing called trauma reenactment- where victims are drawn to things relating to the trauma situation. So this is what takes me to explaining the characters I was interested in. 1- Adachi. I now see as little more than a sad incel but it does say a lot about where I was at the time to be so fascinated with him. He shared my resentment towards the world, the idea that anyone who wasn’t depressed simply didn’t understand, and saw more of a problem with the world than his current state of being. Of course that was relatable. I very clearly remember in middle school believing people that weren’t depressed simply had no idea what was going on around them. Of course I thought that and still struggle with that mentality. All I had really known was deep despair and numbing myself from the world. I didn’t understand how other people didn’t realize that but now know what the emotional world I was living in was not typical of children. So here was someone that knew how bad everything around was and how bad the world felt and I clung onto him the same way I did my own idealizations. With what I’ve been processing more recently, the dude needed therapy and to unlearn that depression was cool and correct but had shown multiple times he was unwilling to challenge any of his issues and just started killing people. There were a lot of favorite characters through this but one that sticks out as another really fucked up example of where I was was Damon Gant. I look back at liking him as the ultimate symbol of trauma reenactment. He’s older, he had power, he was creepy, intimidating, unsettling, and controlling. Everything my predators had been to me at the time. So- all of those things were in a way intertwined with my own sexuality as they’re what I first learned with anything ‘sexual’. Some of my favorite ships are due to the same reasoning. Gant and Lana- again, kind of inherently controlling, imbalance of power, and ends horribly and tragically. I always found something intriguing and beautiful about the most horrific and sad feelings. And I’ll touch on it just for the record. Cyrus is big fucked up- but I think he is, though maybe incorrect, well intentioned with his main goal being what he believes will actually be better for everyone cause of his projection of the awful things he feels on everyone. He doesn’t go out of his way to hurt anyone and certainly doesn’t enjoy other people’s pain but rather wants to eliminate what he sees as the reason for people hurting others with and end justifies the means mindset. His numbing/attempts to numb, hatred of emotion, and hatred of people inflicting pain on others is all incredibly familiar and I’m certain a part of me in middle school knew that when picking him as a fave. As I progress, I’m more interested his potential to relearn people and start opening up to feeling. (Pokemon Master’s definitely more than hinted at him changing and I’m hoping that means they’ll go that route with remakes.) I should note that during my most ‘numb’ parts would sneak out and I would be very- and increasingly over time starting with 6th grade- suicidal and became addicted to cutting and self harm (which I realize now are both just further numbing techniques). I described the feeling at the time as a parasite controlling your brain and a part of yourself knowing you had to fight against it. There was a period I was certain of how I would die, it was just when I would finally snap. I should also say how much people are able to numb themselves. I can remember getting so anxious that my heart would race and the world felt fast- I would get to the point of gagging but can’t remember ‘feeling’ any ounce of anxiety consciously. When first becoming sexually active, I had extended, horrific anxiety that would have hospitalized me for a couple weeks if not for my mom being able to stay home with me (also out of work for a couple months and left addicted to xanax for a bit). And still didn’t quite believe her all the way when she suggested it was anxiety. And I sure as hell didn’t make any connections to any possible mental issues around sex. So I’ve ranted enough but saved this bit for the end cause it hits kinda hard. People tend to feel the same things they felt in locations. Curiosity got the best of me and I drove around parts of my childhood I spend a lot of time at and specific routes I would take. (It’s called state dependent memory if anyone’s interested). I’m learning just how much I was numb to everything and wondering just what it was I was covering up my whole life. This isn’t easy to really type out cause of how fucked it is with the realization that I didn’t really experience childhood to a degree. During my drive, past my high school, up near my friends houses, the route I would take coming back from college- I was deeply, and very profoundly sad in my core. Nothing near what a person should have felt through their childhood. I missed so much. And I’m sorry to my friends at the time who only got to know a strange, numb, trauma reenacting, ghost of myself. I’m not going to be able to relive those times in a better light but I can at very least do some work to prevent a future spent numb and profoundly sad. But my brain is finally allowing me to remember some things because it’s deemed that I can handle it, I’m learning more about myself and my past, learning how to listen to what my brain and body are telling me and why, and getting better at expressing grief and real, raw, sadness and a touch of deep-seated anger so I think I might be starting to turn this around.

#TW: rape #TW: self harm #TW: suicidal ideation #some explanation of why I liked the characters I liked #This was meant to be focused on the character thing but went all over the place

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whyitdoesntworkforme · 4 years

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DC Characters ask Reddit: What do I do about my psychotic little brother? (Tim Drake)

I was intending on posting an update to Tim's issues with Dick during Bruce's time shenanigans but then I thought about how Bruce made Dick fake his death and how that might have affected Damian when he got back.

I was going to write it from Damian's POV (and still might) but Tim was Damian's only (available) brother at that point so I thought this would be interesting.

Please treat this one as separate from Tim's other post.

P.S. I'm sorry so many of these are Bat Family related. They are just the ones with the juiciest and most fucked up problems.

I lost my older brother (D) very recently. He was amazing. Not perfect but after spending time around him most people would have trouble believing he wasn't.

I also have a younger brother whom I have a terrible relationship with. D and I are adopted and just over a year ago we found out that our father B had a biological son that he didn't know about until the mother dumped him on our door step at 10 years old. This kid has some serious issues. Our family is pretty wealthy. The other side of the kid's family is also wealthy but also see themselves as above everyone. This kid had it religiously drilled into him by his mother and grandfather from a young age the he was superior. His mother was also obsessively in love with B and kept telling Damian that he would be the heir to B's great legacy.

Let me tell you that, that is (at least at the moment) not likely to happen.

So when we first met this kid started a massive (physical) fight with me which injured me severely and from that moment forward made it his mission to make my life a living hell. He believes that because I am adopted I am stealing his birthright. I know this because he told me.

Our father had a terrible accident and it didn't look like he was going to make it so D took over one side of our family business and I took over the other. I had a massive fight with D about taking the kid on but D became his legal guardian. Suffice to say there was no room for me in that house after that. Don't get me wrong D didn't kick me out he just put all his focus onto the kid. I was so angry about that for such a long time, my relationship with D broke down a lot due to both the kid and fights we had had over B. D thought he wasn't going to make it and I said he would. It was only later I accepted that D had never ever wanted to take over the business (actively fought against it and it was the biggest source of tension between himself and B growing up) so to fully accept his responsibilities as head of the family he had to accept that B was gone. It was very touch and go for a long time but B came back, D and I talked it out and worked on mending our relationship. I guess I needed him to be the big brother, always there, always knowing what to do when I'm scared but I'm almost an adult now and D already has so much piled on him with his own life, career, friends and projects (all of which he was fully prepared to give up to lead the family). I accept that I couldn't go on expecting him to be perfect and we had a new adult relationship. But, he was still always my big brother.

I was totally broken when he died. I kept going on because I had to. I think B did the same.

Before D died but after B came back we had custodial interference from his mother. I don't know anything for sure but his time with her was quite traumatising. The kid is hard as nails for an eleven year old but seeing the level of obsession his mother would put into ... whatever it was she was doing, must have been awful. Especially if he got in the way.

So the kid missed D's death and funeral. I have to say that D did wonders with that kid. He is still a bit psychotic and still hates me but he no longer starts unprovoked fights and became a lot more empathetic. The kid isn't a sociopath or anything, he's a god damned vegetarian and turned our house into a menagerie :). He just had trouble relating to people because of everything his mother and grandfather did. God, I used to hate that kid. It seemed like whatever he did was to hurt me, discredit me or get me out of the way but in the end he was just a broken ten year old.

Then just as he was starting to get better his mother ruins it and the only emotionally available adult he had in his life is gone. No offense to B but he is not good at the emotional side of parenting. He hardly ever mentions D's name anymore. Plus, with how the mother built B up coupled with the legitimately impressive figure he cuts, the kid doesn't waver around him. I think D was the only person he felt as though he could genuinely be a child around. He needs to be a child right now but even if B opened up a dialogue with him the kid wouldn't 'show weakness' in front of him.

I feel bad for the kid because I had my extensive friend group to lean on (and believe me I can be just as prickly and controlling as the kid, I've just never been homicidal). I kinda want to be a big brother and be there for him. Problems are as follows:

1) The kid still hates me. He is just no longer actively making my life miserable. 2) I'm not exactly good at the emotional stuff.

Any advice would be appreciated.

EDIT: No B doesn't have a wife. Me and D had biological mothers but after adoption it was always just B.

#batman #tim drake #damian wayne #reddit #advice #brothers #bat family #batfam

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sasuhinasno1fan · 4 years

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Skating with you- Lukadrien June day 22

So this is really description heavy and you can blame Cirque du Soleil for showing their ice shows, who of which I feel in love with and would kill to see and this book I read when I was really young that I always think about when I think recital about a girl learning how to skate and their first recital they did. The scene from Crystal is here and I could rewatch this part over and over and not get sick of it. I just kinda kept thinking of Adrien in Crystal’s position when I was watching the clips every now and then. Also, Luka lifting Marinette with complete ease during the Frozer episode? You can’t tell me I shouldn’t have him do that with Adrien. How could I not. So yes, Marinette and Adrien know who each other are, they’ve moved on and honestly, the poor girl needs a support system now that Fu is gone and if it has to be Adrien and they need to break the rules to do so, so be it. Besides, Marinette is the guardien now, is she really gonna take the Miraculous away because she knows who Adrien is? Anyway, hopefully you enjoy this, I know it’s pretty word heavy. @lukadrien-june Recital

Adrien focused as he was tugged on the leg to head to the person lifting him in the air. Usually when he pulled out the ice blue camembert and turned Plagg into Plagg Glacier, getting thrown in the air wasn’t an issue. He usually landed on his feet and even with skates on, he never felt unsteady. However, he was his normal self and the person lifting him up had dropped him more than enough times. He might have skated longer than Adrien, heck he was practically a professional, but he’d almost dropped Adrien pretty much in ever rehearsal.

Philippe, the owner of the skating rink, had a friend in the Crystal Cirque du Soleil show and he wanted to do a small tribute to them since their next show in France was going to be at his rink. Adrien hadn’t seen it, but he saw clips, his favourite being what he called the Family and Classmates act, where Crystal appeared in her family living room and students from her class appeared before everything went spinning at the arrival of the business men. Maybe it was the music or that last small showdown Crystal had with the businessmen as she tried to break free, but he could re-watch that clip over and over again. He was extremely excited when he heard that was the scene Philippe was going to do. There weren’t going to be any acrobatics or such, it was going to be replaced as much as possible by skating since he didn’t want to risk people hurting themselves. Adrien and his friends had come during free skate time only to realise Philippe was doing auditions. He told them to stay, since free skate would still happen after the auditions were over. So, he sat there, listening to everyone chatter about other things as he watched the skilled skaters perform. Philippe had a group of them doing the standoff part between Crystal and the business men and he could see they were having problems with where the person in the front of the line had to grab Crystal’s leg to pull her back and pick her up safely.

Adrien knew how to do that. After finding out Marinette was Ladybug not long after she became the new guardian, which had been mostly due to stress and Marinette blurting it out during a minor panic attack, (and also included a deep and heartfelt talk about moving on from each other and how it was better for them now that they weren’t putting each other on pedestals) there was an Akumatized skater with dreams of joining the French Olympic team, who’s sadness of not making the cut was taken advantage of. They pulled out their skater sides in order to dodge the girl whose main attacks where focused on her incredible spins as she came twirling towards you like a tornado. Adrien had been skating by, his back leg outstretched from a jump when Marinette grabbed his ankle and yanked hard to pull him out of the way when the Akuma made a sudden turn and almost knocked him over. She even used his tail to send him towards her with a Cataclysm, similar to how Crystal was sent to her partner who did a waist lift near the end of her standoff with the businessmen. To help them practice on any occasion where they needed to use the ice potion, they’d been using free skate and Adrien had gotten good at being pulled across the ice.

So, Adrien offered advice and showed the person how to do it. He made sure to point out he wasn’t a professional and he’d just been working on this in his free time. He did it with the group and when he got picked up, he just went with it. He might have been doing the lifts with Ladybug, but his body naturally just went to what he would feel Marinette do if he ever lifted her when they did the waist lift. He hadn’t expected after for Philippe to beg him to do the show with them. He tried rejecting the offer, but all his friends who’d watched him egged him on that he ended up saying yes. His dad didn’t even have an issue with it, which was surprising, so instead of going to fencing, he came to the ice rink to learn the skating choero. The other skaters were nice to him, helping him whenever he had questions but one skater, the guy doing the same waist lift, didn’t like Adrien.

Case in point, like right now. The guy grabbed Adrien’s waist and lifted leg, and Adrien put his hand on the guy’s shoulder. The minute he was lifted in the air however, he felt too unbalanced and it was either topple off and onto the ice or let himself fall into the guy’s arms. He chose the safer option.

“What the hell!” he yelled, dropping Adrien onto the ice on his feet. “You’re supposed to be up in the air, not falling on me!”

“You were going to drop me anyway. I was unbalanced and I took the safer descent.”

The guy scoffed. “You were fine. You keep doing this. Why are you even here if you’re not going to take this seriously?”

“Angel, easy.” One of the female skaters, Juliette said skating up to them. “Phillippe told you already not to lift him so fast so he can get his balance. You need to remember Adrien does this for fun and he’s a guy. They don’t usually get lifted into the air, so he’s not used to this.”

“Why the hell was he hired then?”

“Because he knows what he’s doing. We’re professionals and we couldn’t figure out how to do that move but he did.”

“Whatever. I still say pretty boy here shouldn’t even be involved. He has all the opportunities in life but if he messes this up, that’s it for us.”

Adrien rolled his eyes. People from Cirque du Soleil came to practise one day and after Adrien buttered them up a little, seemed very interested in the group who learned hard choreo with ease and changing adaptions. Even not so heavenly Angel was guaranteed a job with them. besides, his only opportunities were the ones his father picked out for him.

“You’re being ridiculous. You know what, I’m taking five until you get your head on straight. Come on Adrien.” Juliette pulled him away, muttering about how some people were pig headed. “Don’t listen to him. You’ve gotten good but you know you’re limits best and if messing up that drop just to save yourself from falling on the ice from a height is what’s best, then we’ll just have to go with it.”

“Thanks. It would help if I actually felt stable when he lifted me.”

“Well you’ve never done a lift like that before. It’s too bad Paul, the guy who lifted you during auditions couldn’t do the show. You’ll get it.”

Adrien skated to where his friends were sitting in the stands. Marinette, Nino, Alya, Kagami and Luka had showed up to show him support.

“That guy needs to take a chill pill. He does realise your dad might kill him if he drops you right?” Nino said, passing Adrien his water bottle.

“He just constantly seems to be in a bad mood. I’m surprised Hawk Moth hasn’t tried anything.” Alya said.

“Don’t give him ideas.”

“He should be focused on making sure you’re ok when he lifts you though.” Kagami said. She enjoyed getting away from fencing practise to get the chance to make friends. She had easily inserted herself into their friend group thanks to Marinette’s help. “that girl is right. You’ve never done something like this before.”

“Guess this is what I get for showing off.” Adrien said, sharing a look with Marinette. It was extra practise for when they fought on ice since he was a shield for Ladybug, but he’d rather go back to free skate if he was going to be putting up with the verbal abuse from Angel.

“Have you gotten any practise with him?” Luka asked.

“For a guy with a heavenly name, he’s kinda the devil. Refuses to even consider it. He just tells Philippe he can do it and because Philippe is so concerned with getting everything else right, he leaves us to our own devices.”

“That doesn’t seem very safe. I know it’s kinda a small performance to showcase a small thing from the show, but you’re not a professional at this. If you can’t get the chance to do it properly, you could hurt yourself.” Luka said.

“I know, but a lot of these skaters are working on other projects, so I don’t feel right asking them for help.”

Marinette perked up. “Wait a second. Adrien, you can practise with Luka! He can do lifts really well.”

That was actually true. According to the Couffaine siblings, they used to do pair ice skating when they were young to help Juleka’s confidence. They didn’t compete anymore but whenever they came to free skate the two would show off. And Luka had lifted Marinette easily that time they, Kagami and him had come skating that first time.

“I mean, if I was taught how to do the lift properly, I could probably do it. If that’s ok with you.” Luka said.

“Yes actually. That would be great. Juliette!” he called. When the silver haired skater came over, he asked, “Do you think you could teach my friend the lift I need to do with Angel? He offered to help me practise.”

“Of course. I’m actually free after practise if you don’t mind giving up your free skate time.”

“Sounds good to me.” Luka said.

“Perfect.”

When practise was over, Luka joined him on the ice and Juliette had him run with her the showdown part, so he knew how it went.

“So, Adrien has two lifts right next to each other. The first one is pretty simple. Same leg that’s used to pull him back is the leg that gonna stabilize him in that short lift. That same leg is gonna be the one you grab to lift him. He’s gonna straighten it when you lift him and that leg is going to be the thing that helps you keep him balanced until you feel like you can do it with just the hand on his waist and you let go. When you lift him, he’s going to keep his hand on your shoulder. The idea is that you both feel when you’re stable enough to spin with just your hand on his waist so you can let go together, preferably at the kinda climax of the part of the song. You two have to work together in this, think you can do that?”

Well Luka was Viperion and he and Chat Noir worked well together. He hoped it still went that way when they weren’t wearing their masks.

They went slow, Juliette gently pushing Adrien to Luka so he could get the timing of when to lift when he had Adrien and so Adrien knew when to push off. It wasn’t perfect first obviously. Sometimes Luka went to slow or too fast and Adrien wasn’t ready and took them both down in his panic. But Luka seemed to have loads of patience and was able to help Adrien figure out when to push off so Luka could lift him.

“Perfect!” Juliette said when they managed to do the lift with no mistakes. “Ok, don’t spin yet, find your balance first and I want you two to let go of each other.”

Adrien decided to take a leap of faith and trust Luka had him balanced and lifted his hand from his shoulder. He felt Luka let go of his leg and with minimal shaking, held Adrien up with one hand. Ok, Adrien knew he had some muscle from fencing and hero saving, but he didn’t realise just how strong Luka was. It was kinda hot.

Adrien told himself to control his bisexualness. It did not help that after his breakup with Kagami and the extra time he spent on the Liberty when skipping obligations, he was starting to notice how good looking Luka was. He seemed to have a type for strong, dark haired people with kind hearts.

“There you go. Ok, now let’s try it with spinning.”

Luka seamlessly let him fall into his arms before placing back onto the ice.

“Was that ok?”

“Yeah. I knew you wouldn’t drop me.” Adrien admitted.

“Well, not that hard when you’re so light.”

“I’m not that light.”

Luka shot him a smile. “You’re about as heavy as full-grown cat.”

Adrien fingered his ring. “Must be around cats often.”

“I’m fond of black ones and tend to find them around me a lot.”

Marinette mentioned she thought Luka knew. The fact that he was lightly poking at it but still made him feel safe probably said something.

They tried it again, this time with the spinning. They went slow at first, Luka looking up at him to see how he was before they picked up speed. By the end of it, they managed to get the lift down with minor stumbles.

“That was amazing! You two did so well. I’m very impressed.” Juliette complimented, their friends cheering by the stands.

“Well it helps when you have an amazing skater.” Adrien said, looking at Luka, who actually looked a bit embarrassed.

“Well, couldn’t leave you in a lurch.”

“It’s a shame you can’t do the show with Adrien. He’d probably feel a lot safer with you lifting him in the air.”

The two shared a smile before a scream broke out and an Akuma appeared.

“You think you can replace me pretty boy?”

Angel, of course. Adrien glanced at Luka, knowing Marinette would feel better if they split their potions between the Miraculous holders that were with them now. He hoped the same teamwork they just showed stayed with them in the battle.

________________

“You know, Chat Noir and Viperion have pretty amazing chemistry on ice.”

Adrien flinched as he heard Alya say that. Like Spider Man, Alya still managed to get footage of battles even when she was involved. During the fight with Angel, or Ice Demon as he was called then, they spilt into pairs to work together during attacks. He meant to stay with Ladybug, but they got separated early on and Viperion had caught him when he got knocked off his feet. Luka skated with the same ease as before and the two had managed to come up with a plan to keep Ice Demon distracted so Ladybug could use her Lucky Charm and get his item. Like they’d been practising earlier, the two worked together with ease.

“Like, I know Chat and Ladybug are really good together and Chat seems to work well with any of the other heroes but there’s something amazing about the way he and Viperion worked together.”

Marinette glanced at Adrien, shooting him a smirk. “Yeah, like they’re one.”

He rolled his eyes. With knowing each other identities, it was easier to talk during patrols and he let it slip how he thought Luka was cute. He expected Marinette to be uncomfortable with it seeing how she dated him, but Marinette jumped at the chance to tease him.

“Luka and I decided we were better as friends. Even after I got over you, it just felt like I couldn’t really fully be with him and it wasn’t fair. I’ll admit, I never would have thought to hear you call him cute. I wonder what he thinks of you?”

Marinette loved to tease him now that they were much more comfortable with each other.

“Adrien.” The blond looked up to see Phillippe coming over to him, looking upset. “Angel pulled out at the last minute. I’ve called other backups, but they all have other shows. I can’t even get my friend to lend us one of the people from the show to help. We might have to cancel the recital.”

Humbling as it was to call it a simple recital, Adrien knew that this was big for Phillipe. The performance was to showcase what would appear here with the Cirque du Soleil company and drum up business for Phillippe.

“What if someone took his place?” Adrien said, not even thinking. Actually, he was. He was just hoping it paid off. “Luka was practising the lift with me yesterday and we got it down. I think he could do it.”

“Yes, yes, call him!”

“Call who, where’s the fire?” Luka asked, his guitar case on his back. Adrien’s guess was he came from his delivery job. He always carried his guitar with him on his job.

“Ah Luka! Angel ended up dropping out and I’m short a performer.” Phillippe said.

“Did he now?” Luka asked, sharing a look with Adrien. Most Akuma victims didn’t give up on what they loved because they thought it’d be giving into what Hawk Moth wanted, but Angel had thrown a huge fit when he was saved and stormed off. Adrien hoped that he wouldn’t stop skating.

“Adrien said you learned how to do with the lift with him. Would it be possible for you to do the performance with us?”

Luka shrugged. “I don’t mind. If it helps.” Luka went stumbling back with how hard Philippe ran up and hugged him.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.” Luka patted Phillippe’s back while sharing a look with Adrien.

The day of the recital, performance, showcase, whatever they wanted to call it, it was right before free skate began and €5 got spectators online access to get first in line to buy tickets for Crystal. Adrien could hear his extensive fan group screaming his name.

“Ready?” Luka asked, looking rather good in his suit. He had Marinette to blame for that.

“I guess. At least I know one person won’t drop me.”

“I try my best.”

And of course, he didn’t. they even managed to let go of each other on the music. He felt out of breath when he skid across the ice but he was sure people couldn’t tell with the huge smile on his face.

“Thank you everyone! What you saw today was an edited part of something you can see at Cirque du Soleil’s ice skating show Crystal, which will happen here. Your tickets today will give you access to early ticket sales. I am very lucky that my dear friend is part of the cast and I’m sure you can ask any of these performers about how much they enjoyed, including Paris’ very own Adrien Agreste.” He gave a small smile to the people. He then noticed Luka skating up to him and handing him a bouquet of flowers. “And Luka Couffaine. These two were our youngest performers. Please, a round of applause.”

He pulled Luka down, “Thanks. I’m sure they would have given us the flowers in the change rooms.”

“Who said they were from Phillippe?”

Oh. Damn it, with the smirk on Luka’s lips, Adrien was sure Luka was clued into his minor (it was minor, and he wouldn’t hear of it from Marinette, Plagg or even Tikki) crush. He hoped he wouldn’t have to deal with anymore ice type villains with Viperion soon. He had a feeling Luka would want to test something if it came to that.

#lukadrien june 2020 #skating pair lukadrien #marinette and adrien know who each other are

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analyzingadventure · 4 years

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PSI THOUGHTS 2: THE ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

Aka time to share some thoughts on the profile blurbs and participate in some wild speculation

(Quickly though I just wanted to say that the new outfits are fine but there is something weird to me about them... It’s like this weird mix of taking the original designs, trying to modernize them while also keeping them looking the same and it like... It feels like they tried to Adventure-fy the old designs it somehow made the kids look like background extras of their own show?? IDK maybe it’s just nostalgic bias or something lmao. But yeah the kids look fine, I wish they had left Mimi’s hat pink and... Man they really did Koushirou a dirty, eh. He really looks awful in that outfit holy shit)

When it comes to the kids I actually don’t have much to say about them- they kinda sound like parodies/abridged versions of themselves from Adventure, like the way they call Mimi a “princess”, which kind of sounds like someone saw her childlike innocence from Adventure and figured all there is to Mimi is that she’s a whiny little brat (/”princess”). I am jumping to conclusions here but rn I feel like tri. had a better understanding of the characters than Psi, but then again Psi doesn’t have to stay through to Adv.’s characterization.

The only things I found worth mentioning were that Hikari indeed seems to have a sixth sense so she seems to still be the DigiJesus (or, well, techinically they made it sound like Hikari has a tendency to astral project but whatever lmao). But in a twist, based on Takeru’s profile he too may have that sixth sense! 8O And ngl I am very excited to see where they’re going with that

EDIT: I misread a good portion of the blurb, ignore the next these paragraphs lmao (leaving it here for people to laugh at tho)

Also; They mention Takeru lives apart from “his brother” due to “circumstances”... Now either these profiles are vague and cheeky because the writers don’t want to spoil to any kids that Takeru and Yamato are brothers whose parents divorced, OR... A) They are brothers but their parents aren’t divorced (yet) or B) They’re not brothers at all (they don’t have the same last names after all) and Takeru has another brother he lives away from for some reason.

I mean I do think it’s most likely the writers are being cheeky and trying to not spoil things for the kids, but the fact they didn’t mention Yamato being Takeru’s brother at all is super interesting to me.

ONTO THE DIGIMON, again, not much to say about the most of them. They did confirm the Adult form of every Digimon so my hopes of branching evolution trees has been smothered a bit but not killed yet, not entirely- it is still possible they could get new Perfect level forms and/or multiple Perfect forms. Or Ultimate (depending on how Psi will treat levels, like for all we know they could ditch the level system again like Frontier and Xros Wars did)

BUT THERE’S THREE THINGS WORTH NOTING IN THOSE PROFILES! The Great War, no mention of Angemon, and Tailmon.

Some people immidiately started speculating about a multiverse/AU theory from the mention of the War and how Agumon knew Taichi but considdering the other things mentioned in the profiles I doubt this is the same Agumon from Adventure... Unless it was specifically Agumon and Agumon alone while all the other Digimon were from this universe specifically. But still, I don’t think there’s any multiverse stuff going on here, Agumon just pulled a Hikarigaoka-esque stunt at some point but nobody remembers it, probably

The mention of the “old Internet” (and the war that happened there) makes me wonder if they’re going to pull an X-Antibody-esque kinda storyline with Yggdrasil or something where instead of a Digital World being destroyed, it’s the Network? Who knows, there’s only so much you can speculate based on a handful of words

Patamon totally evolves into Angemon, I think they’re just being cheeky about it and Angemon is like a “legendary warrior” and some shit like that, it’s totally gonna be like that and I’m sure he’ll die just like he did in the past

BUT WHAT’S REALLY INTERESTING FOR ME IS TAILMON

TAILMON WON’T JOIN THE KIDS/HIKARI, SHE’S JUST BEING MYSTERIOUS AND SHIT, LIKE REI IN APPMON

Now that’s a trope old as kids’ shows, but it’s still interesting due to its implications.

Tailmon could be a lone wolf because she’s on a secret mission. She could be a lone wolf because she has some issues. She could be a lone wolf because she’s teamed up with the enemy and is either playing Taichi and co into a trap, or she’s having second thoughts and is kinda two-timing the Chosen and the enemy

There’s many options, and it’s very interesting to see what they’re going to do

And if Tailmon is working for the enemy... Who is it?

There isn’t much left to discuss here actually... The enemies we see in the new trailer kind of remind me of the Virusmon in Appmon, but they look a bit... off? IDK maybe it’s just this weird whiplash of the old Digimon looking weird to the new enemies with more modern designs. That said I wouldn’t be surprised (and I would be a bit happy actually) if those new enemies from the trailer were not Digimon, but they probably are, and I’m sure we’ll find out what species they are

Now one last thing I found interesting about the trailer (which is definitely giving me that Hunters/Appmon feeling rn) is that we definitely see the kids entering the Internet in it (the Internet having that very DigiQuarts/AR Field look to it).

The thing is, we had it already confirmed way back that there is a Digital World, it’s the green foresty thing on the poster. So it’s going to be interesting to see how they’ll handle the Digital World- it already sounded a lot like to me that the kids could travel with ease from the Human World to (what has now been confirmed to be) the Internet, so how that’ll extend to the DW is interesting. Is it going to be like like how the Deep Web worked in Appmon where once you go deep enough you’ll find the DW?

So will we see a lot of the DW or will the show take mostly place on the Internet with very limited visits to the DW?

(Unrelated but hilariously that was kind of what I always expected Appmon would do, like they’d go deep into the Net Ocean and find themselves in the Digital World (with Digimon specifically) and I was sad nothing like that ever happened so it’s gonna be surreal and hilarious if that’s exactly what Psi does)

And.... I think that’s it? I can’t think of any other things to briefly discuss, I ran out of disjointed thoughts

I’m expecting Psi to be either pretty decent or an absolute, flaming trainwreck and if it’s the latter it’s gonna be hilarious to watch and my popcorn is ready for it

#Text post #Psi #Long post #I did get a few asks about Psi but I answered most of the things asked in this post so sorry I'm not publishing them #I saw the asks no worries!#Also sorry this is so long

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eggmayowayo · 4 years

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I’m on cracc and quarantine is boring

A dumb Buster Bros headcannon (so everything is definitely not true!) that’s sad and kinda dark because I’ve been watching way too many Adventure Time analysis videos and I feel analytical myself.

SO! Jiro and Saburo are just figments of Ichiro’s imagination to help him cope with his terrible life uwu. Maybe Jiro and Saburo are manifestations of Ichiro’s psyche, kinda like an imaginary friends kind of thing. I guess Ichiro created his brothers in his head because he wants friends and maybe a family. We see that through The Dirty Dawg manga, he had been scammed by people he trusted such as the people in the orphanage and a partner he worked with to collect money. Thus, I believe (and assume) that he has abandonment issues and is very lonely and struggling with mental issues and Jiro and Saburo are meant to help cope.

To be fair, I did this for fun and I hope you enjoy reading and feel free to tell me why I’m wrong in the comments below. This is very baseless but I wanna get it off my chest uwu. Also, evidence is my memory of the manga and I’m not a psychologist!

Perhaps Jiro is a manifestation of Ichiro’s very notable delinquent side as shown by how the hypmic writers note that Jiro is especially influenced by Ichiro and looks up to him a lot. Jiro was probably the first “imaginary friend” he has and so Ichiro made Jiro very similar to him so it’s easier for Ichiro to connect with him?? I would think that it’s easier to be friends with someone who has a similar temperament to you, right? So maybe Jiro was the first manifestation of Ichiro’s personality. Ichiro might have been fairly young and still doesn’t really know much about himself, let alone others, so he created Jiro as a way to become fast friends and get companionship when he’s going through a tough time.

Then, there’s Saburo. Saburo is arguably the most different from the current Yamada brothers in terms of personality but he is definitely an “Ichiro-boy”. Unlike Jiro, it is quite ambiguous to ascertain which part of Ichiro’s personality was the one that succeeded in personifying to create Saburo. However, I have a vague idea of a one. This is so because Ichiro got a little bit more mature when he got to creating Saburo. That’s why Ichiro didn’t really feel the need to make Saburo just like him or anything like that, especially when he’s noted to being a good kid and not a delinquent like his older brothers.

That being said, Saburo is a manifestation of Ichiro’s honest personality (and perhaps his light “pretty boy” vibe). Ichiro is known to express his emotions very bluntly when he feels himself or others are wronged; Saburo is similar but he’s rude, snarky and sassy when it comes to voicing out his first impressions of people. They are both honest, but we should see the nuance in this honesty. The introduction of nuance means that Ichiro is better able to understand himself and doesn’t really need to be with people just like him to feel loved or understood. The larger age gap between Ichiro and Saburo versus Ichiro (5 years) and Jiro (2 years) is also telling because with the creation of Jiro, Ichiro’s mental state could have improved and he did more personal reflection in that time so he probably experimented until Saburo was born and Saburo was the one who stayed because of how strong he was.

Also, I thought of this later but maybe Saburo was someone Ichiro wanted to be: a clean, intelligent boy with a genuinely good heart who is able to survive on his own without feeling lonely as shown by Saburo’s introverted nature and ability to be nice when he wants to be. Of course, Saburo is not completely like that but maybe Ichiro really did want to be a good kid and that’s the kind of boy he imagined for Saburo. That’s sad because maybe he feels that he isn’t a good person or someone who deserves goodness innately so he tried to imagine someone who does - a cute pretty boy with endearing overconfidence.

So, allow me to talk about how this kinda fits into the lore. Well, for one thing, during the orphanage days what strikes me most is that the boys (Jiro and Saburo) hated Ichiro for quite a long time because Ichiro threatened their caretaker who was actually exploiting them. This is a conflict I find particularly intriguing. Here we have Ichiro who sees the reality of life for the first time versus Jiro and Saburo who are oblivious and pure. He’s particularly vulnerable because he is growing up and is trying to understand things for himself and that’s why he lashed out. Fun fact, the men who took advantage of Ichiro probably represent how the world is cruel and how life goes on whether you like it or not or the injustice of life, blah blah. However, as based by my nonsense earlier, Jiro and Saburo are just pure manifestations of Ichiro’s personality, they don’t see the things Ichiro himself had seen and so they don’t know anything. I guess Ichiro protected them to keep their purity so he can have a safe space of companionship and family far removed from the hardship in the real world to feel better, like an oasis. After all, Jiro and Saburo are very new when it comes to the Hypnosis Mic things and with life in general so maybe that’s Ichiro’s influence at play as well?

Anyways, at the orphanage, Jiro and Saburo hate Ichiro because Ichiro inflicted it on himself as a form of punishment. If we think that Jiro and Saburo are mere manifestations then Ichiro may subconsciously influence their feelings. Ichiro may have felt a little bad for threatening their caretaker or when he knows more about life: he feels horrible like he had been used and that all his efforts to help himself is futile. Because he’s feeling turbulent emotions, he could be projecting his inner self-loathing onto his “imaginary friends” Jiro and Saburo by making them hate him and feeling like he betrayed them. At this point, Jiro and Saburo are becoming real people and thus are more able to act on their newfound feelings more and really reflect Ichiro’s self-loathing as he is forced to come to terms with the situation he is in. To get out of it requires lots of courage that he does not have at the time and he knows it so that’s why he’s “punishing” himself for being so weak and cowardly.

If you think like why would someone do that to themselves? Well, I’d like to say that when you’re in between a rock and a hard place and you don’t know that such despairs are normal, you would have so much self-doubt and self-loathing as you think you’re pathetic and so you unconsciously go into a downward spiral as you pity yourself. In this case, Ichiro made Jiro and Saburo hate him as part of his “self-loathing” stage because he thinks that he deserved it.

Now, let us return to present day because I don’t want to waste your time.

Jiro and Saburo argue a lot for Ichiro’s attention and praise. This is probably because they may have acknowledged that they are mere creations but they love Ichiro dearly and thus they want to be equal with Ichiro, to be acknowledged as worthy. Even though Ichiro was growing up and had to learn to be independent, Ichiro still went back to save them and they treasure that so much and were even dumbfounded. With this, they want to be seen as real people Ichiro can rely on for anything and more than just companionship.

At this point, Jiro and Saburos’ personalities and characters are so solid and real that they simply transcend Ichiro’s imagination and become functional people in the real world. Ichiro’s happy for this though; they are all growing up. Maybe instead of the typical imaginary friends concept when imaginary friends disappear as you get older, Jiro and Saburo become real as Ichiro can learn to live with them not as coping mechanisms but as actual friends and even as a family. Ichiro has matured significantly during The Dirty Dawg era (I must acknowledge that Samatoki and Kuko had a large part in encouraging him and helping him develop) and so he doesn’t need to rely on Jiro and Saburo as a pure version of himself but as people. This thus allows their characters to develop naturally independent of his mental influence.

At the end of the day, I want to say that Ichiro loves Jiro and Saburo deeply on so many levels and that love is reciprocated today. I don’t exactly know how this will develop over time but I hope this theory makes sense and would be interesting for you. Anyways, like I said, please tell me why I’m wrong in the comments below.

#will delete later #buster bros #hypmic #hypnosis mic #hypmic theory

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theseerasures · 4 years

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Conspicuous Media Consumption, 2019

i mean, everyone's doing these write-ups, right? might as well hop onto the bandwagon

towards the end of last year i had one of my typical existential crises about my media consumption: am i slowly disappearing up my own ass because i no longer care about most of the pop culture people like to discuss ad nauseam? but on the other hand, isn’t it more responsible to find the niche items made by non-mainstream and marginalized creators? on the third hand, wouldn’t i be much happier if i just watched FMA Brotherhood over and over again, preferably while starting a new Mass Effect playthrough at the same time?

the answer to all these questions is probably “yes,” but i decided to try something different going into 2019. for every week of the year, i would try to get through a year’s worth of content for some kind of media, be it comics, video games, TV, etc--they didn’t all have to be recent, or even new to me, but once i was done with that week i’d be done, even if i didn’t finish the content, and i’d make a judgement based what i’d seen on whether i want to continue. mostly, i was trying to avoid what happened to me with video games in 2018, when i was hating every second of playing Uncharted but still felt obligated to finish because everyone and their houseplant liked Uncharted or listlessly doing the Master Hunter achievement in RDR2 because the main quest made me miserable.

the actual outcomes of this Project(tm) are a little more complicated than anticipated--some media i could finish in a day, while trying to play through ALL THE CONTENT OF AN MMO understandably took much longer than a week--but it all kind of evened out. in the end i did 48 weeks of this, and used December as my catch-ups month to follow up on some things i didn’t get to finish. i thought i’d give my thoughts on each of the things i consumed this year as part of this project below in a concise manner--and yes, i know the people who’ve read even one (1) thing i’ve written are probably laughing right now, particularly given how long i took in this introduction just to get to me point, but i really am going to try!! it’s all an exercise in shameless self-indulgence, basically, but hey: if any of you want to chat at length about any of this stuff below, hit me up.

(quick note: you’ll only find media that i chose for this particular project below, so things i watched socially with friends--like certain film properties slorping me back into Disney’s gelatinous monolith--are not included)

Devilman Crybaby (anime, finished 1/5/2019): honestly i should have twigged onto what the year was going to be like when the first thing i drew from the metaphorical barrel was demon tiddies and apocalyptic existentialism. i was determined to dislike it for most of the year due to fundamentally disagreeing with its main thematic thrust, but i kept THINKING about it even months after. at this point i’ve kinda mellowed out. it’s definitely not a must love, but there’s enough queer metaphor and philosophical richness in it to make it worth checking out.

Attack on Titan (manga, 3 volumes finished 1/12/2019): this is the second time i’ve tried to get into this franchise and...yeah, no. i still don’t see the appeal. the fascistic overtones juxtaposed with absolutely no one having a sense of humor wigs me out to no end.

Young Justice (TV, 2.5 seasons finished 1/31/2019): honestly, what even is there to say? they’re my kids. they’re back and grown up and making even more terrible decisions. i screamed when i saw Babs in her wheelchair.

Black Leopard, Red Wolf (book, finished 2/10/2019): i tried VERY HARD to like this book, given how much i liked Brief History of Seven Killings, but it just...didn’t click for me. which honestly is fine, since i don’t think it was made for me either.

Dragon Age (3 games, finished 2/28/2019): i feel like there’s always a part of me that’s going to think of this series as “the other one,” but y’know. it’s good. it’s my second playthrough (as a mage for all three) and it’s good! i even went around killing all the dragons in Inquisition because Knight Enchanter was a blast. appreciate the higher queer content vis-a-vis Mass Effect, even though i couldn’t care less about any of the plot. Dragon Age II is the best one, do not @ me

Bitter Root (comic, 4 issues finished 3/1/2019): i love intergenerational dramas and i love stories about vampire slayers, so this was aces. my only complaint is the pacing was a little slow for a story that was going on hiatus after five issues.

Pearl (comic, 6 issues finished 3/3/2019): i know that he’s done great things and grudgingly admit that he’s probably a net positive in the industry but Brian Michael Bendis can suck my entire dick

Lazarus (comic, 5 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i really thought this was going to clench the position for comic of the year. it’s Rucka doing Highly Relevant Dystopia! it’s a corporate Lannisters AU! it’s a highly personal story about a woman with high privilege and little agency! what more could you want

Immortal Hulk (comic, 2 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i vibed with the horror feel, but i don’t honestly think it’s THAT exceptional. being set in 616-verse means there was still ton of baggage i didn’t know or care about, since i’ve now swung more to the DC side of things

thank u, next (album, finished 3/5/2019): didn’t Ariana Grande get canceled this year for some reason? oh well, i liked her album

When I Get Home (album, finished 3/13/2019): i vividly remember listening to this for the first time and feeling vaguely disappointed that it wasn’t more like Seat at the Table until i realized that i was covered in goosebumps. still don’t understand the magic but it is Good

The Bird King (book, finished 3/23/2019): pretty much everything you’d expect from a G. Willow Wilson book--spirituality, the female lead finding Themselves and the Answer and learning they’re the same thing, etc etc. i’m slightly resentful that her Wonder Woman was so lackluster while this was so good, but whatevs

Psychodrama (album, finished 3/29/2019): possibly my favorite album of the year? dense and emotionally raw in a way i really appreciate. Dave has a Mercury and he’s younger than me

Mass Effect (4 games, finished 4/7/2019): wow guys did you know that Mass Effect is good! it is. all of it is actually, even the Mass Effect 3 ending, another controversial finale to a big franchise that i will obstinately defend. even Andromeda, which isn’t AS good as the trilogy but still has a lot of heart. all its bugs have been exhaustively patched since launch anyway

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV, 4 seasons finished 5/13/2019): i’m...still kind of mad about this finale, but can’t exactly deny that this show is one of the best things to ever happen to me, or television probably. i didn’t even mind new!Greg that much! tho he was probably the nail on the coffin of me jumping onto the Nathaniel train.

Knights of the Old Republic/The Old Republic (3 games, finished 7/4/2019): did you guys know that KOTOR II was my first ever video game? i feel like that...explains a lot about me. anyway, the first game is a classic and the second is a deconstructive classic and playing either of them is basically a fun way for me to turn off my brain these days. even the MMO wasn’t as much of slog as i worried it would be. the Imperial Agent storyline had some nice surprises and i dig the general atmosphere of ruthless pragmatism and crushing loneliness.

Wanderers (book, finished 7/13/2019): Chuck Wendig is a very well-intentioned man in dire need of a strict editor. still good tho! some VERY punchy emotional bits and an ending that still leaves me with vague existential terror.

Code Geass (anime, 2 seasons finished 7/20/2019): i feel like this is on the polar opposite of the spectrum as Devilman Crybaby, because i don’t think Geass is GOOD on like, any basis, and i actually find its central moral message kind of abhorrent? but some part of my lizard brain LOVED the High Imperial Family Drama (it’s been a good year for me and Lannister types, hasn’t it? well, with the obvious exception of--never mind), so...yeah. have i discovered the true meaning of guilty pleasure

The Farewell (movie, finished 7/23/2019): how could i not a) watch this and b) love this and c) feel emotionally cold towards this at the same time because the situations depicted were so similar to mine that i ended up feeling kind of alienated

The Nickel Boys (book, finished 8/8/2019): i STILL haven’t read Underground Railroad, but here i am a book late and a dollar short to appreciate Whitehead’s new book. the man’s stylistic versatility is jaw-dropping and i appreciate the plotting in contrast to like, 90% of the litfic out there that’s just “protagonist sad in different milieu”

Durarara (anime, 2 seasons finished 8/31/2019): it’s fucking bonkers and i loved pretty much every second of it? even the second season, where i finally got the BruceNat AU i deserved??? the first anime i’ve seen where everyone was relatively soberly dressed. the answer was love and having feelings and asking your middle school best friend to hurl you like a projectile so you can chop your girlfriend’s head off with a demon katana

Lover (album, finished 9/1/2019): i feel like with all the Discourse surrounding Taylor Swift re: she’s the devil incarnate or re: she’s good, actually the fact that she makes fucking bops gets kind of lost in the conversation. i have no vested interest in her as a person but i liked Lover, even though London Boy was “what if Style but stupid”

Are You Listening (comic, finished 10/2/2019): my actual choice for best comic of the year if i were giving out awards like that. it’s coming of age! it’s grief! it’s queers! it’s trauma! it’s magical realism! it’s cats! it’s expressive gorgeous art! Tillie Walden has an Eisner and she’s younger than me

High School DxD (manga, 2 volumes finished 10/10/2019): i don’t even know how to talk about this series?? i actually kind of came around to the whole “main character is a perv but goes hard for consent” by the end of the second volume, but it’s still...bad. i only can have lingering conflicted feelings about one Japanese adaptation of Christian mythology per year

Ghosteen (album, finished 10/18/2019): much like Immortal Hulk i thought it was fine but over-hyped. it’s Nick Cave doing his Nick Cave ethereal music thing. i still can’t tell what any of the lyrics mean, except Jesus is there sometimes

Watchmen (TV, 2 episodes finished 10/29/2019): i am nOT FUCKING CAUGHT UP so please watch out for spoilers. it is on my high priority list of things to be caught up on tho--i appreciate that the plot is blatantly unsubtle but still manages to give me aneurysms and i appreciate the political overtones just kinda...balances on a razor thin wire and also gives me aneurysms. i wanna say i have no expectations and would be fine if it does a full dive into the horrible bland depths of the both-sides porridge, but i’m sadly a fool who wants to believe in Damon Lindelof

Syllabus/Making Comics (2 comics, finished 12/24/2019): it’s funny--even before Making Comics came out i was like “man i miss Lynda Barry” and then BAM. it’s incredible how her work just makes me feel taken care of, even when we’re wrestling with tough topics or she’s demanding that i draw a Batman in 30 seconds. kudos for immediately shooting to the top of my gift list for my sister also

Allegiance/Choices of One (2 books, finished 12/24/2019): fun and largely inoffensive, but i was honestly hoping for more. the level of Empire apologia going on was too much for me, someone who thinks Mara Jade is the best Star Wars character of all time (still?????? still). it reeked a little of Zahn believing his own hype as the only valid guy in Star Wars Legends of whatever

Aldnoah.Zero (anime, 1 season finished 12/24/2019): turns out i also can only have “trash but my trash” feelings about one Japanese mecha show with higher art pretensions and patriotism verging into jingoism per year, and this one ain’t it. it’s not as good as Code Geass and Code Geass ISN’T GOOD. at least Geass attempted character complexity and moved at enough of a breakneck pace to distract me from its questionable bits. Aldnoah is just...bland, and nothing gets accomplished or revealed in 12 episodes, except the baffling and contradictory motivations of the main bad guy.

Baldur’s Gate (game, unfinished): yet again something i really wanted to like, given *gestures at all the BioWare above*. i think it’s mainly the Seinfeld issue, where it actually predates my own experience with video games and was so formative for the Western RPG genre that what was innovative just comes across as kind of staid now. i didn’t DISLIKE it, and will probably play the sequel since it’s supposed to be more character-driven, but by the time i finished the vanilla campaign i just didn’t have it in me to squint at more tiny avatars on the screen, so the expansions ended up a no-go.

most prominent thing i noticed about this list is that only one 2019 movie made it on the list and ZERO 2019 video games did so. the former i’m okay with because i currently live with two film people with whom i’m happy to tag along to the cinema. the latter bums me out a little more, because there WERE a few things i wanted to play this year, but all of them came out just as my semester was reaching its catastrophic boil, so i had no time. maybe i’ll use my free time after the New Year festivities to catch up on those.

to conclude: this worked out pretty well! i ended up finishing all but one of the things, and only a few were bad enough that i have no interest in seeking out more content. i’ll probably do this again in 2020--we’ll see if the scheduling can withstand a full year of grad school hell

#let's break out a new tag for this since this isn't really meta #conspicuous media consumption

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