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andthebeanstalk · 11 months

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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thatmooncake · 3 months

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Handy little horoscope Moon

(Close up under the cut)

#fnaf #moondrop #fnaf dca #fnaf moon #fnaf daycare attendant #fablesketches #I wanted to draw him like those horoscope pictures where the hand holds the moon #drew this months ago gave up but people believed in me and that made me melt so now he’s sorta done

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mihotose · 1 month

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pieced together a short timeline now that ive replayed the game. followup to this

november 7 '50 - date of issue of harry's new badge

november '50 - klaasje arrives in martinaise

december '50 - the strike begins

january 29 '51 - harry is assigned the two drunks case

february 4 '51 - soona arrives at the church

february 12 '51, overnight - the next world mural appears

mid february '51 - joyce arrives in martinaise

krenel arrive in martinaise

around february 28 '51 - lely's birthday

sunday march 4 '51, 23:30-00:15 - lely is killed

thursday march 8 '51, past midnight - klaasje calls the rcm to report the body

friday march 9 '51 - harry arrives in martinaise

afternoon - ruby flees martinaise to the fishing village to hide from harry

night - harry tells people about the investigation and shows everyone his gun

saturday march 10 '51, night - harry crashes his coupris and parties all night with the union of moribund alcoholics

sunday march 11 '51, morning - harry leaves the alcoholics

night - harry listens to disco before trashing his room

monday march 12 '51, around 08:00 - ruby flees to the feld building

08:30 - harry wakes up without his memory [DAY 1]

#*the ledger gives the next world mural the date 12/02 but its alphanumeric code is 12/01. one of those must be a typo #**the strike is said to have been going on for two months but started in december. i suppose if it started at the very end #of december it would Scrape into being two months If you round down #***joyce arrived in martinaise three weeks ago in mid february. suppose its Late mid february eg the 19th #i actually didnt know lely's birthday had a date. still choosing to believe he and harry have the same one tho #all in all very pleased i started the run on the 12th i did it :-)#gemitus #disco elysium #Not fucking doing the whole timeline thatd be insane i cant wrap my head around the dolorian century ngl #this was the first run i made notes during and. Nineteen pages. brother

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tagerrkix · 6 months

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detectiveforfree · 7 months

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Hi! Your art is so incredible! Especially the way you draw Talon Dick! His design is so good!

Anyway, just wanted to say that! Have a lovely day :)

ah thank you! <3

i do love this angsty bird, any excuse to draw him lol

#anonq #ask&answer #talon!dick grayson #dick grayson #really thank you. in those rare moments during my months of absence asks like this always made me smile a little when i saw them #it might have been a long time ago but i do wish you a lovely day as well whoever u r anon and whereever u r rn

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originalartblog · 11 months

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Happy first anniversary to my Dazai Goosamu AU! It has been one year since I made the edits that officially kickstarted this madness!!

I finally finished this tiny needle-felted guy and took him outside for a small photoshoot as celebration! 🦢

#thank you all so much!! <3 #honestly it feels like so much longer than that #well...#technically i started posting dazai as a goose sept 1st 2021 but only started the 'everything is the same but' au may 28th 2022 #so almost 9 months between the two #and that IS much longer #but it feels like i made those edits a lifetime ago except the calendar doesn't agree askhfksjgfkg geese can expand time i guess #bsd #bsd fanart #dazai goosamu #nawy's crafts #one day i'll post some edits again it's just that i have So Many Ideas and So Little Hands #there are some wips. but. BUT.#you know how it is

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vickdoom · 4 months

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off-model fanart footnotes for that previous post. People sometimes post these, no?

#okay well the previous post was a month ago but in my defense i forgot how long it takes to line all those little details #takaya sakaki #jin shirato #chidori yoshino #persona 3 #body image cw #burns cw #edit: apparently the quilt looks like this in exactly one manga issue. i knew i couldn't have just made it up

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bilbao-song · 4 months

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The Police - De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da (x) ↳ requested by @doktordyper

#the police #the police band #80s #classic rock #uploads*#mygifs*#HI sorry this took 400000 years longer than i anticipated #i started like a month ago and then. Well #sgsdjghsdglsghs but here it is i hope u like it!!!! i have leftovers tbh idk what to do w those #there were so many parts that gif worthy tbh. i wanted to include the blue snowsuits but it just didnt work out that way #but like i did actually make gifs of that part so........may post separately idk!!!!!!#also im p sure these aren't in order anymore but it just looked the best this way #anyway sorry again for taking so long lmao #@ other gif request people You're Next #also send more pls i made a google form. it's fun

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isolatedbug · 8 months

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Sharing my SDCC Beelzebub cosplay with you all! I made it before season 2 came out, and I think it looks pretty decent!

#those brooches took me an embarrassingly long amount of time #i made them with clay and it was a nightmares #i shared these on twitter like a month ago so i thought i might as well post them here too!#this is my first cosplay and im rly happy with it omg #good omens #good omens 2 #beelzebub #neil gaiman #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #ineffable bureaucracy

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herculepoirotfanaccount · 2 months

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Hey ! So 6 month ago I made this thing were I associate Lackadaisy characters with screenshot of Tumblr posts I found on Twitter

I made another serie of thoses pretty quickly after but I completely forgot about them for at least half a year- until yesterday were I remembered them and felt the urge to color them so here they are haha

#Lackadaisy #Lackadaisycat #Tracy Butler #i don't know why Calvin has a tie again i made those 6 month ago #He brobably hade a tie on the reference i used #Sorry if the colors hurt a bit i just wanted to finish it idk what i did #but we got so many good stuff during thoses 6 months ! a teaser ! a tv show anouncement ! 2 shorts !#And every time i would think “ i should finish this for the occasion”. And every time i would forget

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worthlessprotoplasam · 2 months

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Im trying so so hard to be happy for mother 3 plushes which I very much am the other 3 plushes are absolutely perfect and I love them and the fact there's even a Claus...

but how can I not be upset when I spend 2 years hoping for a Lucas plush to exist and then he finally comes and looks so wonky compared the other plushes💔

#I made the other image a couple months ago #im still so happy and I feel bad for being nitpicky but....bro #they clearly refrenced smash bros instead of his actual sprite with those shoes and hair...#GIVE LUCAS HIS ORANGE SHOES BACK #ngl i was on the verge of tears over this earlier 💀#mother 3 #lucas mother 3

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whollyjoly · 5 days

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for some reason i can't explain i know saint peter won't call my name

nothing that lives, lives forever - an immortal soldier!alton more au

(1.1k of snippets from my old guard(ish) au where alton more is old, too old, and has been living and fighting far longer than anyone should. full description/other thoughts at the bottom. tw: blood, violence, mentions of death)

Alton clicked the lighter closed, running a thumb over the silver case. The night was warm, sticky in a way that he never could get used to. He sucked in a breath from the cheap cigarette, letting his head fall back against the rough side of the barracks.

It was quiet. Typically, there would be no end to the commotion coming from the small building, one of many that littered Camp Toccoa. The wall of sound was ever-present, no matter if it was shouting or laughing or snoring. But whatever the cause, there was always noise.

No matter if it was a blanket of noise he knew well, unchanging except for the language and the scenery. Soldiers are soldiers, and some things are a constant. It could almost be comforting, if it didn’t also mean that the need for soldiers was a constant as well.

However, tonight was a Saturday, and it was one of the few weekends that Sobel had allowed Easy the use of their weekend passes. Almost every man in the company had jumped at the chance to get off base, to travel home if they could and spend time with loved ones. The ones with farther-flung hometowns had spirited off to Atlanta, happy to spend their time drinking and dancing and fucking instead of slogging through another run, three miles up, three miles down.

Normally, Alton would have joined them in their carousing - it was easier to pass the time with the effortless camaraderie built during a training camp than bored and alone.

But today had been a bad day. The sound of swords and the shift of sand beneath his feet followed him out of his nightmares, the humid summer of Georgia morphing itself into the baking, dry heat of the desert.

His shouts must have been real, because when a hand came to shake him out of his dream, the first face he saw was not that of a grouchy NCO, but of a blood-caked Saracen, eyes alight with righteous fury.

Alton didn’t think. He had grabbed the knife from under his pillow, an old thing that had been sharpened more times than he could begin to count, and was on the man in less than a breath, pressing the blade into the side of his neck. The familiar thrum of blood beat against his fingertips, the grit of sand scratched his gums. He knew what he had to do, had done it a thousand times, a thousand thousand times, what was a little more bloodshed spilled across his feet-

Alton had blinked, and came to himself in a rush.

Instead of an unnamed Saracen, the ashen face of Johnny Martin stared up at him, eyes wide behind the knife.

Alton drew back his hand, retreating almost as quick as he had lunged earlier. He mumbled a quick curse and apology as he stepped out of arm’s reach from the man. It wasn’t until Martin’s eyes widened even farther that Alton realized his tongue was slipping out Arabic of all things.

Usually, Alton was better about remembering himself, who he was almost as important as where he was. But for whatever reason, his demons had decided to catch up with him that night.

After a quick smile and some quip about the Krauts in his dreams, he managed to wave an only-slightly-mollified Martin off. The shorter man apparently hadn’t forgotten it though, if his watchful eyes during chow that morning were anything to go by.

Alton was just glad that no one else was awake to see it, at least. That was the last thing he needed.

And so, instead of joining in on a weekend of broads and booze, Alton found himself waving away the invitation by an eager Smokey and bemused Alley. When the horde made their way out of the barracks, fantasizing in bawdy terms about their planned misadventures, he felt like he could breathe easy.

Fucking finally.

Alton took another drag from the cigarette. He watched the smoke curl, up and up until it faded into nothing amongst the darkening sky.

The lighter was a welcome weight in his hand, grounding him to this time, this life.

The design was worn by now, details barely visible after a half century of worrying. It still managed to amaze him, sometimes, what people could do with the smallest of canvases. Alton didn’t feel the same wonder however, wasn’t as mesmerized by the beauty man could create as he once was.

But in the quiet moments, he could still appreciate the time some French craftsman took to transform a hunk of metal into a small token carried around by a dead man.

Luz had spied the lighter one weekend, and laughed at him for using something so old-fashioned. Alton just shrugged, not caring to admit that he was still getting used to having a light at his fingertips. It wasn’t all that long ago when he was still lighting a pipe with a flintlock pistol, and not so long before that when he would carry around a flint and steel.

Time was passing all the more quickly these days, technologies changing and advancing, and everyone was obsessed with needing things to be quicker, cheaper, simpler. Alton scoffed. He could hardly find it in him to care.

He glanced down at the lighter in his hand, shifting it back and forth in a practiced motion and watched as the light skittered across the sides.

It had shown flowers, once. A veritable garden of carnations, daffodils, and lilies of the valley, with leaves spilling across the front panel onto the back. They represent good fortune, he was told. Good fortune, luck, and hope.

When the merchant described it to him, eyes ablaze with a passion known only to those with wares to sell, Alton didn’t try to hide the snort that escaped his throat.

Fortune and Luck had abandoned him long ago, and hadn’t returned since waking up in a battlefield abandoned by all but the dead, sword in his chest and blood in his mouth.

And what the fuck was Alton supposed to do with hope?

It was the quote on the back that had caught his eye, all those years ago in a street market in Reims. The beveled edges had faded with time, the familiar letters Alton traced were more memory by now than any physical mark. Une vie honorable est une vie éternelle.

An honorable life is an eternal life.

Alton couldn’t help but stare at the message, both then and now. He hated that goddamn word. Immortal. Unending. Eternal.

They were such flowery words, used by people who craved what they couldn’t have, what they shouldn’t. The romanticized idea of the everlasting, the fountain of youth, the gift of life! Alton was sick of it.

This wasn’t life. He was a fucking dead man walking. And he sure as hell didn’t do anything honorable to deserve it.

months ago, while thinking about the absolute insanity of the almost...cavalier? attitude we see alton more have over the course of the series, an idea hit my brain: what if there was a reason nothing seemed to phase him - not panzers, not being a breath away from a car wreck, not bastogne, not speirs? what if this wasn't his first war? that thought spiraled me into a minor insanity that is this: my immortal soldier!alton more au, loosely inspired by the movie the old guard (2020). the idea is that, once upon a time, there was a soldier in a land many centuries ago. one day, he died in battle. and then, he woke up. and then he died. and then he woke up. over, and over. drawn to countless battles, conflicts, and wars, each one etching itself into the core of his soul. a never-ending cycle...until one sweltering summer, where he found himself at a training camp at the foot of a mountain. anyways. at some point, i plan on writing this as a full story, but that is admittedly a long ways away. however, in celebration of alton more's birthday today, i wanted to post my favorite scene that i've written for this au! it's set sometime at the beginning of the story, in the early days of camp toccoa. mostly, it's just a character study of this version of alton more. hope you enjoyed! and of course - happy birthday alton more!

(song insp.)

taglist: @sweetxvanixlla @coco-bean-1218 @bucky32557038ww2 @georgieluz @samwinchesterslostshoe @xxluckystrike @next-autopsy @ronald-speirs @land-sh @ronsparky @panzershrike-pretz @theredrenard @kyellin