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soulren · 10 months

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Go spend some time on male pattern baldness or male(AMAB) balding forums/subreddits and such. I did after realizing it is happening to me and the ammount of people who truly don't realize how BRUTALLY it tanks people's confidence and mental health is insane.

There's no cure to baldness by the way, and it can start at any time and there's no way to predict how fast or slow it will go. The only real working option is a daily pill that usually just halts it, but it can stop working or just slow it down or cause major side effects. To regrow you have to use a daily topical solution, or use a roller to wound your scalp. None of these are surefire by the way, and if you stop them you'll just lose your hair and whatever you regained. It's a daily involved thing that might not work and often at best just retains. The best drug, the one that occasionaly gives regrowth, also causes shedding at the start, and can have side effects from growing breasts to brain fog to EDsyfunction(sorry, censoring cause tumblr). Now, those are INCREDIBLY rare and almost never happen but it weighs heavily on the mind of those already spiraling.

But that's just background. What I'm here to talk about is the pure woe you'll see on those forums. People speak as though their lives are over, as though they've lost every chance of finding a woman(predominantly, there's a running idea in such places that women don't like bald men or like them less) or doing anything. You can read countless stories of people who describe that they no longer go outside, are now filled with anxiety and self-hate, have gone from extroverted to never showing their face. And some of these people are kids who lost their hair in high school or even before, or are holding as best they can to a very receded hairline and feel like there is nothing they can do.

And then there's something touched upon far less in those communities, but is important to bring up here; baldness and masculinity. There's the horror of knowing so much of society sees a bald guy as a very masculine guy, at seeing that the best advice for being hot and bald is "grow and beard and big muscles bro". Imagine now you're AMAB balding and nonbinary, or a trans woman who doesn't want to be on hormones.

Just genuinely take the time to look at those forums no matter who you are. Understand what these people go through, what I am currently going through. It is soul-crushing, spiraling, brutal. I have the dream of one day being like Brennan Lee Mulligan or Matt Mercer and starting to lose my hair made me feel like I could never. I felt like and still feel like I would have to be masculine, have to be a bro-y dude, have to look older than I was(I'm fuckin 22). It was the feeling that I could never dress feminine again, never present as a woman when I wanted to again, that I'd always be viewed as a bald guy before anything else.

This is an incredibly vulnerable post for me, and I hope it reaches you all as well in a kind and understanding mood. There's a tendency online for people to joke about baldness, to make fun of it, to treat it as a playfull silly thing but it fucking ruins lives, and it shouldn't. It happens to half the population's sort of bodies and very often. It should just be a neutral thing. You don't need long hair to be feminine, you don't need hair to be feminine. You don't need hair for anything. I guess I'm just saying in general that everyone should be kinder about balding, more understanding, and view it with as much import as they'd view the pixels between this sentence and the next. None at all, I mean.

And for those like me, very feminine guys who wanna keep that and don't want a beard and are terrified of balding, here's some names and I do hope others that see this will add more; Mr. Bruce (also in The Correspondents(band) Alex Ward in LA By Night Jason Carl in LA By Night Cecil Baldwin of Welcome To Night Vale Bob The Drag Queen RuPaul(in looks alone, I know about the whole fracking stuff but this post is about looks) tananasho on instagram Also your mannerisms and style of dress will convey femininity far more than your hair. Yea sure a front-on neutral shot of you may not and maybe you need makeup and stuff, and hell maybe a lot of people might reject you more but it'll just filter down to the people for you.

And to all you artists and writers and creatives; make more bald characters. Try it out. Feminine ones, masculine ones, all sorts. None of the copout nonhuman sort, just dudes and girls and mates and individuals who are all sorts of things and also bald. It might make a few of the people going through the various vortexes of pain that balding causes feel a bit better.

And to those noticing I did not adress female hair loss much here, that was intentional. I am AMAB and currently a nonbinary guy who goes by any pronouns but often likes to present as fem. I learned I was possibly losing my hair and lost two months of my life, no work or going or anything, to male hair loss forums and research and spiraling. Checking my hair twenty times a day, unable to sleep, unable to eat, unable to think. And my situation was NOT unique, but it also did not give me any experience or understanding of female hair loss and what AFAB people may go through with that, so I don't feel knowledgeable enough to speak on it. Also living with baldness WILL get easier and you will find something that works for it, by virtue of simply living with it. Things get easier with time.

#bald #balding #hair loss #hair #hair care #minoxidil #dermaroller #baldness #bald and feminine #bald fem #using a lot of tags due to this being triggering for many and cause I want it to be seen #and because I want those who went through what I did to be able to find it #mpb #androgen alopecia #also I know this post is long but I'm not sorry cause it's important. If even one person has a bit less stress then that's good.#feminine bald man

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klaissance · 2 months

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Do you have any dad klance headcannons?

Thank you so much for asking dear sweet asker I appreciate you so much. I actually,,, lowkey don't? Dad!Klance is not something I think about that much, I think bc as a teenage girl in my 20s I am not in a parent/family space that often BUT FOR YOU IMMA TRY HERE WE GO:

for starters I think they're really good at it let's get that straight from the jump

Lance always wanted to be a parent I think--comes from a big family, has watched his siblings become parents, is obsessed with his cool uncle status, has always seen parenthood ahead as something to look forward to

Keith is the opposite, never in a million bazillion years thought that was in the cards for him

he's gay so that came with its own list of things to be worried about that would be difficult in terms of, like, acquiring a child, plus he just sort of had a shitty time as a kid, has a funny relationship with the words "parent" and "dad" and hasn't had the time to hash that out with a therapist because he's been in space

really truly Keith is a feral desert child and when presented with the thought of turning a small being into an adult suitable for society his brain shorts out

...until they get together

actually, both of them flip on this while they're in space OKAY NOW WE'RE COOKING

Lance, my poor sweet darling prince, is a little less sold on children. He grows up hard and fast and violent in the intergalactic war they're thrust into, sees terrible things happen to good people all over the place, sees kids left parentless and parents lose a child, sees himself nearly die more times than he can count (oop that one time he did die lol), and suddenly the idea of kids in the future isn't tinted golden and sparkling with the memories of his childhood. He's an adult and anything could happen and it's terrifying and hard and he knows he loves what he does--loves helping people, loves interacting with children, wants to teach or something later for sure maybe--but the actual parenting is soured by the thought of his mom back home thinking her son is dead and not even having the closure of a burial or anything. He learns that nothing is certain in the way he used to think it was, and stops expecting specific things for his future

Klance gets together [how?? girls idk any infinite number of ways that is every post I'll ever make until the end of time but not this one--trust though it was juicy] and they stay together while they're fighting the space war, and slowly and then all at once Keith "Lone Wolf" "Not A Family Man" "Feral Desert Orphan" "Kids What Are Those" Kogane is, like,,,, thinking about his life and his future beyond like,,, the next hour,,, and is imagining kids in the picture??? trust it shocks him too

This actually is a version of their relationship that I really like thinking about! Lance pivots on all of his hopes and dreams that he'd had all his life about certain milestones for things--marriage, kids, the white picket fence and all that jazz--and throws it all out the window. Because piloting magical sentient lions in a space war is fucking crazy and life is nothing like what he thought and what is important to him reshapes; it isn't the milestones it is the feelings they represent, the security and companionship he is seeking, the fulfillment he can find from interacting with others in different ways. Keith is the opposite; he never thought any of the milestones were important because he assumed they were for other, non-broken people. People--not him--who could have nice things like spouses and houses and children to raise in their image or whatever. And to make a long and introspective story short he gets to hold Lance's hand and suddenly all of those nice things are back on the table and he gets to want them and finds out that he does

I guess this is where it gets fuzzy for me I've seen some things where they space adopt and that's really fun and fresh

Or they wait until they get back to Earth after having the Cool Uncle Era with Lance's nieces and nephews which is my shit i love cool uncle klance

I do think I subscribe to them adopting older children out of the foster system as opposed to however infant adoption works

but any way you slice it Keith is So Pressed About Getting It Right he's reading books he's asking Shiro and then wanting to die because Shiro is So Cringe about his caretaking advice UGH

and Lance is back in a comfy phase about it now that they've decided to do it, regaling Keith when he freaks out with tales of times he and his siblings totally almost died or that crazy shit happened or that his parents did x y z totally sideways--his point being: and look how well it turned out anyway

the important thing is that when they do have children they love them more than anything and demonstrate a positive healthy relationship for them and they try to meet them where they are and also give them opportunities to grow and be happy and therefore it all works out perfect :)

Also as an added bonus here are some of my favorite depictions of dad!Klance for your perusal:

deerstalkerdeathfrisbee's True Love or Something ok these were like my earliest favorite fics ever when I tell you this raised me and reset my brain chemistry I am being so serious. They aren't dadding until later in the series [THIS ONE] but actually the whole thing is so excellent

that,,, actually is the only one coming to mind right now but people SOUND OFF IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE PLS <3 i will return to this post with more if i find any

I hope this was good for you obviously I just stream-of-conscious dumped into the text box but it was super fun to do, if anybody has any other prompting thoughts I would love to ideate more I just,,,, love thinking about them so much,,,, ok everybody have a great day!!

#ask and you shall receive #klance headcanons #dad!klance #klance #vld headcanons #my writing #nobody ever asked me for my thoughts before this is crazy #please somebody ask me something again this was so fun #ok anon ily hope this scratched your itch a little #long post

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study-with-aura · 28 days

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Sunday, March 31, 2024

I am posting this on Monday since yesterday was a holiday here. Easter went very well, and even though the sunrise service at the park was very early, I truly enjoyed it. We still had a regular church service afterwards for Easter Sunday, plus our Bible Study group, so it was a packed Sunday morning with church family and friends.

My mom and our other troop leader thought about canceling the meeting yesterday for Girl Scouts, but none of us wanted to cancel because we're starting on our Citizen Science journey badge, which will take several weeks to complete. Plus, we wanted to still get together and share candy because what else do you do with sweet treats? You share them with friends! So we worked on some activities while eating candy. It was fun. We also did a prayer for Easter Sunday as a group. All of us in the troop identify as Christian or we wouldn't have done it. Our parents are very respectful towards other religions and religious practices unlike some of the other homeschool families in our area unfortunately. It makes me sad, and I don't associate with those families much because of it. I think we can learn so much from other cultures and religious practices and Jesus taught love, so shouldn't we show that to those who may be different from us and respect their beliefs just as we expect our own beliefs to be respected. This was a tangent, and I apologize, but I also blog for myself like a diary, not only for any readers that might find my posts.

But it also makes me think of this current book that I'm reading. It was on my reading list already, but I chose to read it now because of it taking place during WWII and after the attack on Pearl Harbor. The amount of hatred in this book towards the Japanese, even when they are American citizens, is horrifying. I guess nothing should horrify me anymore after seeing a genocide taking place in my own lifetime, but it does. It makes my heart hurt. And now I'm getting ready to study the Holocaust in World History, although I've read about it before, this time is more in depth since I'm in HS now, but even watching the docuseries that I'm watching to supplement my learning and understanding. It makes me emotional to see actual photos and videos of some of what took place. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but I don't think so. I think everyone should be responding in a similar way. They should be disgusted and horrified that things like this happened so recently and are still happening in the present.

I need to get back to studying. The world is such a terrifying place, that I'm grateful I can still see the beauty in it at all.

Tasks Completed:

Duolingo - Studied for 15 minutes (Spanish, French, Chinese) + completed daily quests

Piano - Practiced for three hours in one hour split sessions

Reading - Read pages 158-239 of Beneath the Wide Silk Sky by Emily Inouye Huey

Streaming - Watched Hitler’s Circle of Evil episode 5

Chores - Put the dishes away

Activities of the Day:

Personal Bible Study (Genesis 1)

Sunrise Service

Church

Bible Study

Girl Scout Meeting

30 minutes gaming

Journal/Mindfulness

#study blog #study inspiration #study motivation #studyblr #studyblr community #study community #study-with-aura

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imnotgrimimjustagrumpyreaper · 7 months

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HATCHED

Aka: a half-baked short story based on an infamous Tumblr post that I just turned in for a grade

“Can’t we do anything besides go to the library? Can’t we do something fun?” Dante had woken a few minutes after Heather and had been pestering her ever since.

“I think the library is fun,” she replied.

“Maybe it is, but not the way you do it.”

Heather sighed, “I just need a quiet place to get some work done that isn’t here.”

She kept her voice quiet and her footsteps light as she moved through the house.

However, her father was already awake, in the chair, watching the tv, set on the news. It gave his face an eerie glow.

The light had not yet made it to the other side of the house.

Heather paused behind his chair.

“Reports are coming in of another approximately hundred cases, dubbed ‘Wakers,’ spreading throughout the US. Health and safety officials are beginning to wonder if it's contagious-”

Her father grunted, “Of course it's contagious.”

Heather nodded.

“I’m going out,” she said.

“I don’t like you going out alone…”

“We’ll be fine,” said Dante.

“I’ll be careful.”

“Be extra careful, pumpkin. Where you headed?”

“To the library, I’m trying to get ahead on stuff.”

He nodded, thoughtfully, “Good. Go on, just text me when you get there.”

“I will,” said Heather, heart pounding in her ears, she stepped out before he could change his mind.

Outside she blew out a breath that turned to smoke in the cold air.

“I always wonder if today’s the day,” mused Dante as they moved to the car.

Heather was loath to reply, “The day for what?”

“The day he’ll actually not let you go out, and go ahead and lock you in the basement, or something.”

“He’s not that bad, my parents are great.”

“They’re good, but they’re not great,” Dante muttered.

Heather shivered as the leather seat stole the warmth from her back. It was a cold day, the first truly cold day of the season, made all the colder by the warm weather the week prior.

She wore only a baggy t-shirt and jogging pants, having forgotten a jacket. All her fall appropriate gear was buried in her closet: cute dresses and fleecy leggings with festive prints…From several falls ago, back when there was so much less to hide…

Her ribs stuck out further beneath her skin, and her collar bone seemed so much more sharp; maybe, it was all in her head.

The library went about the same as usual.

“You always do this,” whispered Dante.

Heather blinked back her tears with more aggression than necessary.

“Yes you do,” he argued at her silent protest.

“What am I supposed to do?” She hissed, her voice cracking from the effort of staying quiet, “Not do it? Just never work on anything because I’m too stupid to not have a melt down.”

“Heather, shut up, you put so much damn pressure on yourself, it's hard to watch.”

“I have to, if I want to get anything done I-” the words died in her throat. She let her head fall on the table, tears falling in little damp spots, making the blue of the lines of her notebook run, like the blank paper itself was crying.

It was always the same empty promise: ‘Half the time I’ll work on homework, and get ahead, and half the time I’ll work on my own stuff, and actually make headway there.’

She usually wound up doing neither. Just sat, dumbly, at a table in the corner, making herself as small as possible, uncomfortable and sweaty, even today, despite the chill leaking in from the windows.

“It's not due till next week,” Said Dante, like the little devil on her shoulder.

Heather didn’t respond. She zoned out, letting her hearing and focus drift off to the soft conversations in other corners of the library as the last of her tears dripped down her chin.

“It's terrifying. It’s spreading so fast.”

“I’m just wondering how it spreads.”

“Oh, so you believe it is contagious?”

“It has to be.”

“How can it be though, I mean, it’s not like a disease, is it?”

“Maybe it's mental; I saw something on Facebook, the other day, about mass hysteria, I think? It's very bad stuff.”

“Oh. Oh, no…I don’t want my kids anywhere near school, right now.”

“I know the feeling, I’ve been fighting with my husband to have them pulled out until this all blows over.”

“Can you believe they’re talking about discussing it in classrooms, now? Honestly? The kids don’t need to hear about that!”

“That’s unbelievable!”

It was like that everywhere you went. In grocery stores, Goodwills, and restaurants, at gas stations, and on the radios and televisions. Social media was the worst. Heated conversations about wakers was something you just couldn’t escape.

“Can we pick out a book?” Asked Dante, apropos of nothing.

Heather felt suddenly exhausted, “You know what? Yeah. As long as it's fiction.”

The non-fiction section, particularly anything on osteology (a term everyone had all together, suddenly, become too familiar with) tended to feel a bit like a war-zone. There was no small chance someone would be willing to get into a valiant and violent debate with anyone picking up a book from that particular shelf.

Despite herself, she whispered as she wandered to the aisles, “You wanna get a coffee after? I’m still cold.”

“Jokes on you, I’m warm,” He teased.

“We’re getting a coffee, you get no choice,” She said flatly, rubbing her hands together.

After a few minutes of wandering, Heather had found what Dante had been after.

“Good Omens-”

“The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter,” Dante finished, “You tried to read it a while back, didn’t you?”

“I did…I didn’t finish it, I’m not great about finishing books.”

“Well, you should finish this one, there’s a tv-show now.”

“Yeah, there is, isn’t there?”

“And I wanna watch it. But you wanna read the book first.”

“Point taken,” Said Heather, and she checked it out with no protest. It had been good from what she could remember.

The coffee shop wasn’t far from the library, but it was a far cry in atmosphere: loud, and slightly chaotic. The warmth was well trapped in the bustling place, despite the many windows.

Heather stood back a ways from the counter, surveying the menu. They’d rolled out their fall favorites a while ago, there was too much good to choose from.

“The maple spice is your favorite, you know you don’t come often enough to get anything else, and get the large this time.”

“No, it's too expensive,” Heather said, a little too loudly, and felt embarrassed; she knew she was drawing attention to herself.

“You deserve it.”

“I don’t.”

She went up to order before Dante could argue any further.

“I’ll have a maple spice latte, hot, please.”

“Alright!” Said the barista, chirpy, and not even fake. ‘Thalia’ read her name tag, “What size?”

“Large,” said Dante.

“Large,” blurted Heather. Then, she whispered, “Why would you do that?”

Thalia nodded, “Large?”

Heather bit her lip, “Yeah.”

Thalia leaned to the side, looking past Heather to where there was no line behind her. Satisfied with what she saw, she leaned forward, almost conspiratorially, “Hey…Are you?”

“Am I…What?”

“You know…Are you?” She waved a hand.

“I don’t understand,” Heather said, meekly, suddenly feeling cold again.

“Are you like me-us? A waker?”

Heather’s mouth gaped.

“Say something,” said Dante, having the decency to sound nervous, ”Don’t just stand here, you’ve already outed yourself by taking this long to answer, so you might as well just say yes.”

“Don’t say it so loud, please,” she answered, finally.

“Sorry! Sorry…I get excited…”

A man had come up behind Heather in line, she could see him roll his eyes out of the corners of hers.

“Would you wanna…Talk? I can take my break early?”

“Sure,” Heather said, feeling like she had no other choice.

Maybe she did…But her own curiosity was peaked.

Thalia made the man’s coffee, then one for herself, than Heather’s. She carried the two over to the booth Heather had slunk over to, and sat down.

“My name’s Thalia.”

“We know,” Dante said, amused.

“...I’m Heather.”

Thalia extended a hand, “So…”

She smiled at Heather, leaving the stage open, the mike prepared and ready for Heather and Dante’s little two part act that they had never practiced. Heather got a rush of stage fright.

“What do you call yours?” Heather asked, feeling like she’d tripped over her own words.

She reached for the coffee and took a sip.

“Hm? Oh!...Well, she’s Thalia too.”

Dante made a noise.

She had thrown Heather for a loop, “...What do you mean?”

“Well, we both agree we’re both Thalia. It was a little weird at first, but we’ve gotten used to it…”

“Oh…Is-...Is it like that for everyone?”

Thalia shrugged, taking a sip of her own coffee, “I’m not sure.”

“Introduce me,” Dante cut into her train of thought.

“Uh…Well, mine-uh-He’s called Dante.”

“Oh,” said Thalia, the awkwardness settling over her, despite her resistant smile, “Sorry, I’ve not met a lot of others…”

Neither had Heather, she’d never met another.

“But you have met others?”

“A few.”

“What were they like?”

“Just…People…Like us. I don’t know, I didn’t really get to talk to them.”

Her eyes drifted around the room. Heather’s followed. A silent unspoken question between them: how many more might be in the room?

“Ask something,” Dante sounded urgent.

“What?” asked Heather.

“Anything! Just say something to make it less awkward!”

Thalia was smiling at them when they looked up.

“Have you met anyone who’s-...”

“Hatched? No, not yet…I think I heard of someone. I don’t think anyone’s been brave enough to try around here.”

Heather tried to picture it: a skeleton walking down the street, freed from flesh.

“I wonder what it’s like?” Heather asked of no one at the table, really.

“Me too,” whispered Dante.

“Us too,” said Thalia. Then, she continued, “We were thinking, if we ever…Went through with it, that we might pick a new name. One that fits both of us together, instead of separate.”

“Cool,” said Heather, stupidly.

“We’ve gotta get back to work, so she says,” Thalia says, still smiling, “Thanks…Good luck.”

“You too,” they said, or was it Dante said using Heather’s mouth, or Heather said using Dante’s jaw.

Late that night in bed, Heather lay rubbing her jaw, rubbing her hands together, running them over her ribs. Who’s were they, she wondered. Were they hers? It didn’t feel like it…

“I’ve been meaning to ask…” Dante broke the relative silence in her head.

“Ask what?” she prompted, trying not to break the silence of the house.

“Why’d you call me Dante?”

“I dunno…I’m sorry, it was the first thing that came to mind.”

She’d been reading a passage from Dante’s Divine Comedy for class. The character in the book she was reading was called Dante; the character in the book she was trying to write was called Dante…

It was just her default name, then. If she’d had to come up with some fictional person to chastise or joke about ala “Yes, Blank, these wakers are so scary, and probably are government sleeper agents,” Dante would be that person.

On the day when she’d started hearing a voice inside her head, she hadn’t been feeling particularly creative about naming it.

“Don’t be sorry,” Dante said, finally.

Heather could feel his finger bones twitching beneath her skin.

Another cold Saturday, it hadn’t really been warm again since that first cold day, all those weeks back, they woke.

They’d head out, that was the plan.

“I’m going out,” said Dante using Heather’s voice, or was it?- What did it matter? It felt bad, wrong.

“I don’t think you should go, Heather.”

And they flinched.

“You don’t look good,” Their father continued. He turned the volume back up on the tv, the glow casting the dark lines of his face into even darker relief in the dark room.

The light would never reach the other side of the house.

“I have to,” protested ???

A reporter on the tv cut them off, “The hearing is happening today. It will determine, hopefully, this divisive matter on if or not the hatched should be considered people.”

“Of course they shouldn’t, god, we need to lock these sick people up before they spread this shit any further,” he spat at the TV, covering his mouth once he realized he’d just cursed in front of his legally adult child.

“I’m sorry, I’ll be careful,” continued Blank, “But I have to go out, I need the library for research, we’re not allowed to use online sources.”

“They need to cancel school. It’s not safe.”

Blank nodded, trying to mean it.

He sighed, “I’m starting to think you just don’t want to be around me.”

“No, it’s not-”

“Just-...Just text me when you get there.”

Blank wasn’t going to the library. They were heading to the coffee shop, bones moving clumsily, weighed down by skin and meat and organs and names that just felt wrong.

Blank had been going to the coffee shop for weeks to meet with Thalia. They’d met others too. They’d learned a lot…Learned that when the skin died the bones died with it, meat and bones both had only one life they had to share.

They didn’t always talk about that…About being them…They’d all watched the Good Omens mini-series, and they talked about that a good bit, too. It was nice, it was a relief, it was a break.

Inside the coffee shop there was a fight.

“Keep it down,” cried a man they didn’t recognize.

“You’re the one who’s yelling!” Replied a skeleton they might have recognized.

“Get to work, Thalia,” spat the man.

“That’s not my name.”

“It is, I hired Thalia.”

“Well, then why am I here, because I’m not Thalia.”

“You are, I don’t care how much you fucking change your body. You can mutilate yourself all you like, you’re still Thalia.”

Blank felt sick, their stomach all the heavier.

Their friend caught their eye and they could feel them urge them to leave.

So they did. Blank piled back in the car and drove, aimlessly.

A while down the road their phone buzzed.

“What?” they answered, it was their father.

“You didn’t text. Are you in the car? Where are you, Heather?”

“We-”

“Who’s we? There’s a fight with some waker that broke out at that coffee shop near the library. I don’t want you anywhere near that, you need to come home.”

The words bubbled up their throat, muscle, tongue and teeth failing to restrain them.

“What if they’re not so bad?”

The phone went silent in their hand.

“What?”

Blank took a deep, shaky breath, “What if they’re not so bad, everyone treats them so unfairly.”

“They kill people, Heather, they’re sick, psychopaths, monsters-”

“Have you even spoken to one? Do you know if it's like dying?”

“Heather-” his voice had turned cold.

Blank hung up. Tears turning cold as they leaked down their face and neck, gathering at their shirt collar.

It was a few miles out of town when they pulled over and shrugged off their skin like shrugging off a coat. They hatched.

Blank dragged themself out of the boiling pit of sulfur; Blank climbed the mountain out of hell and turned to look back at how far they’d come.

“I picked out a name,” said Blank.

“What?” replied Blank.

“Anthony.”

“Anthony?”

“What, you don’t like it?”

Anthony laughed, “Let’s head to the library.”

And Blank spoke no more.

#the word of grim #original fiction #why my hand shaky #your skeleton is ready to hatch

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fadelikeclouds · 1 year

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When Win says don’t be afraid of my feelings for you, I was happily surprised that Team took his advice. Because Team is afraid. He’s not sure how Win feels about him. And we know from the uwma version of this scene that Team could have gone with the flow and had a fun time with Win in bed. That’s something that’s easy. It’s a familiar pattern where they decide to feel good physically while putting off their turbulent emotions for later (you know the bathroom scene at the end of 7…). But Team takes Win’s words and decides to be brave, finally asking a question that has been plaguing him.

It’s an indirect question of, “What do I mean to you?” or “How do you feel about me?” And when Win is gripped by his own fears and hesitates, Team’s own courage falters.

And that is just too relatable. Because it’s scary to be that vulnerable, and in the silence that follows a complicated question, all the dark thoughts rise to the surface, and all the positive possibilities wither, and all that’s left is the certainty that once again you’ve made a mistake. Shouldn’t have said anything. Shouldn’t have expected anything. Of course there’s only going to be disappointment. (Disclaimer: It could also be that I’m just projecting onto Team.)

On Win’s end, I’m wondering if he’s a mind-reader and knows exactly which question Team is referring to. Because there was also this question that Team asked earlier:

To which Win pulled a reverse uno card and asked:

The answers to both questions left them with an arrow through the heart. But at that stage, it wasn’t a mortal wound. But now, with everything that has happened, that sort of response would be devastating because they know how much they mean to each other now.

But I digress, the thing with Win is that he is also scared. He tells Win to not be afraid of his feelings, but we also saw earlier that Win is afraid of his own feelings. He’s scared of loving Team because he’s afraid of losing him. And he too is just as confused as Team is about what their relationship is, and is uncertain about whether they agree about where they want to relationship to go. This is a simplistic summary of what’s going on with Win. @thebroccolination wrote an amazing post about Win’s struggles this episode, and so I’ll just leave the discussion here. No paraphrasing can truly do it justice.

In summary, Team used up all his courage to ask a question that terrifies him, hurtling Win straight into his own paralyzing fears. And the episode ends with them both in tears, while I am here pierced through the heart, smiling while I am bleeding out because I have faith that the beginning of the next episode is going to be beautiful. Maybe we will see them actually talk about their insecurities and fears, exposing all their most vulnerable spots, and maybe we will see them find out that its okay to do that with each other, that it’s safe to be their imperfect, messy selves. Maybe we will get to see them realize that even though they feel so broken, there’s someone who reciprocates every bit of their overwhelming need to have each other in their lives. Maybe they will finally give themselves permission to love and be loved.

#between us #between us the series #between us ep10 #between us spoilers #I have too many thoughts and feelings about the end of this episode.#I love all of it. The pain and the fears.#They love each other so much that the thought of losing the other throws them into abject terror #Dealing with that level of fear is not easy #It can literally paralyze you and make you unable to say anything.#But they are trying to say something despite all of that. Because that's how much the other person and this relationship means to them.#And I love them for that.#Also Prem and Boun’s acting was painfully amazing.#They were crying then I was crying.#precipitating thts

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cielsosinfel · 6 months

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here are my thoughts on all BG3 companions up through the end of Act 1 and very beginning of Act 2:

Astarion: light of my life, I am actually spoiled for probably 95% of his story, he is such a disgusting and rancid poor little meow meow and I want to see him grievously mutilated and tortured and then gently put back together again (repeat). As a faggy bi man he is the best #representation I have seen yet from mainstream media lmao. If i speak too much about him this whole post will be about him, sorry. Guro noncon yandere kink fanfic material out the wazoo, tho (Also of course I have many many thoughts on his character's narrative around trauma and healing or the lack thereof, but, too many words)

Shadowheart: I LOOOOVE HER I love her. I kind of wish they'd kept her as initially hostile and cruel as in EA after viewing video of it, but I also enjoy how she seems low-key and almost normal, though an asshole, and then BAM suddenly she's waxing poetic about committing terrifying emotional and physical torture in the name of her beloved mommy goddess. She is such an asshole and I feel like she gets soft on the PC weirdly fast, but I also do enjoy how playing Dark Urge informs the relationship dynamic as her backstory and personality unfolds, how the fact she becomes Best Friends with them despite the whole blackout-frenzied-murder and urges to eat corpses plays into her own issues and desire for understanding and connection (the memory loss and disconnect from her previous life and sense of self, the god devotion, wanting to make herself an even worse person in the name of her god, how completely committed she is in the art of torture and causing suffering, how she's simultaneously disgusted by and intrigued by Dark Urge's whole murder cannibalism urges.) Anyway yes she's great, I love her turmoil about not living up to her potential as a Shar-loving religious zealot and expert torturer.

Wyll: Wylllllllllll I feel like he was done so dirty by the writers between Early Release and Release. They should have continued to let him be an asshole warring with living up to heroic ideals, who just made a deal with a demon out of desperation for respect and appreciation. But he's fun in release too, just too low-key for me? With Dark Urge it's interesting because he is truly the most morally Good-Aligned party-member, probably, and I think about how he must grapple his morals with aiding and growing close to a murderous gore-loving freak. He's constantly having to compromise his own deeply-held ideals in the name of getting the tadpole out of his head, and I wonder about that constantly. At the same time, he's so focused on doing good and the cause of justice but is REALLY REALLY DOWN FOR GOBLIN MASS-MURDER... Like OK Wyll!! They kept that from Early Access at least lmao. His relationship with Mizora and the angst and regret he feels at signing a contract with her, for making this one major ill-thought decision while in a high-stress "do or die" situation, gets me, the way he's like, so resigned to it... How he's so resigned to being transformed into the very thing he'd dedicated his life to culling existence of (demons.) (The constant metaphors to being a pampered pet on a leash get to me.) Though you know, it still gets me he's lamenting how ugly he looks with horns, claws and fangs, in the middle of a party full of Tiefling who just faced a lot of life-threatening discrimination for looking like demons... lmao... especially when he's venting these things to a Tiefling Durge lmao... oh wyll...... Anyway I think he's sweet, and I have even more thoughts on him and Astarion being foils who need to fuck. I want to learn more about his daddy issues so I can give him a proper daddy kink. Wow, how is this the longest part of this post.

OK THIS GOT TOO LONG AND ITS ONLY THREE CHARACTERS!!!! I am going to an indie comics and arts festival today, I will come back to do the rest of the characters later.

#bg3 #mine poste

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captain-astors · 1 year

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Can you do Kaneki for 003 :)))

Mhm! That beautiful mess, the culmination of all I despise but the vessel through which we all must perceive this world. I’d like to shake him like a maraca. This one definitely contains… opinions. As usual it's messy and ramble-ish but I enjoyed it.

How I feel about this character: Wow you're so interesting I wish I could still care after 320 something chapters. Born to “slay” as the youth say, in all meanings of the word, forced to do math. Sometimes I imagine what sound he would make if smacked against a wall. Constantly, actually. I can effectively emulate it with an almost empty water bottle, a thin piece of fabric, a piece of metal, and a slab of gelatin, but I only have access to two of those and it’s not the ones you think. I cannot stress how much I want post-Haise Kaneki dead for plot reasons, but I do think he’s pretty neat before whatever the result of the Tsukiyama extermination arc is. I do like him, but I try not to ponder him too deeply because if I started getting seriously attached to him as a person, I’d have to be disappointed about his character as well. I’m already not normal about so many of them. So he’s more of a secondhand skrunkle, I watch a decent portion of the rest of the fandom go wild and sit back and tend to my own neglected favorites. Like observing a neighbor’s garden, larger than mine but wilder, containing so many varieties of plants I can no longer distinguish them, and perhaps a bit overgrown. Was he the first piece of Tokyo Ghoul art I ever drew? Yes- well no actually that was probably Nishiki or Shuu but I never posted those because they were just sketches, but he was the first that I posted, and kind of my gateway to deciding to let myself brainrot over TG without shame (mostly). So I owe some amount of gratitude to him.

But at the same time he fills me with a deep sadness for what might’ve been. Tokyo Ghoul was praised for having some kind of ground-breaking protagonist but he just feels... edgy at the end of it, handed an undeserved win. Sorry.

(So an update from later this very same day, I drew him and now I want to hug him. NO. I MUST PERSEVERE. Alright Kuroneki is kind of cute and his nickname sounds like Kuroneko (As in the trigun cat) and I love Kuroneko.)

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Protagonists are funny things to ship because they can be shipped with almost anyone. Almost the entire main cast? Been there and done that. Every character he’s been friends with? Certainly. Rivals? No rivalry is complete without a little homoeroticism. The villain? Is that even a question. That random character who appeared for half a chapter? Someone’s probably done it. It’s difficult to pick a favorite but frankly I’m not particularly partial to any of them. Shuuneki is fun but it just feels out of character as soon as it becomes remotely healthy which is what all that pining causes me to intrinsically want which in turn annoys me so… I enjoyed it before I actually learned the story. Now I just can’t fathom truly enjoying a fic about them without leaving frustrated because at any given point, one or the other of them just wouldn’t work. Also I really want Kaneki to die alone. But though I’ll never be extremely passionate about it, I do think that Hidekane is kind of the best one. Like it’s not my ship but from an outsider's perspective I look at it and just go huh. Neat. This one actually seems non-headache inducing. I’m slowly consuming more of it but at the same time Hide deserves much better. I can’t fix you but I can hold your hand as you crumble or something. I will take this time to rant about Tou//ken. God help us all. I will start off with what I like because I am terrified of being burned at the stake by the shippers who actually read through this for some reason. Aesthetically, cool. As individuals, love them. Conceptually, it had great potential. I don’t think it ever could’ve been my otp but I could’ve enjoyed this. Now. DEAR GOD I HONESTLY ADMIRE THOSE WHO SHIP IT FOR EITHER HAVING THE IGNORANCE OR SHEER WILLPOWER TO ENJOY IT DESPITE THAT WRITING. It would be easier to ship two characters who we’ve never seen interact whatsoever (stares at my terrible rarepairs I would know) than to repair this trainwreck, so I suppose that’s a testament to your tenacity or your willingness to ignore the holes. I swear my copy of TG was missing chapters WHERE was their development. They only did things for each other when instructed to or in life or death situations when opposed by a greater threat, only thought fondly of each other when not together, and then got married and kids despite Kaneki being in a mental state nowhere near “intact enough to live a functional existence” must less raise CHILDREN. Like I refuse to believe Kaneki would be a great father. “Something, something breaking the cycle of a loveless life.” Where. Where did he learn to love healthily? Touka? Where? Where is that shown? They interact so briefly in such high-stress scenarios how the HELL am I supposed to know?

Dear god I knew these two were going to get together. I steeled myself for it. I tried to enjoy it I swear I did but it feels like the marriage arc skipped the love arc and I don’t know how I’m supposed to appreciate the shell of a relationship left behind. But I respect those who manage. Like, if a character (Ayato) can go on a brief trip and come back UNDER A FEW DAYS LATER to find out, with absolutely no warning that his SIBLING is married to a guy now, maybe you’re moving just a little fast! Someone please explain this to me I feel like I'm losing my mind.

The Vegas wedding of Tokyo Ghoul, getting hitched in a cave while a homophobic gay horror creature exterminates 98% of your kind.

Also I find it funny that she managed to date a guy who both looks and acts so much like her dad. Touka you can do so much better you are leagues above this guy.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: If Haise is included, Akira and the Quinxes. Family. If Haise is not included, probably… Hinami.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Oh boy. He doesn’t really listen to anyone, and his cycle of self sacrifice for others because it’s the easiest route out is ANNOYING AS HELL. Points are made about it, but does he ever change? No he just keeps trying to die for “the sake of others” until the very end and keeps escaping the actual consequences, while others who have something to live for ACTUALLY DIE for his stupid martyr complex and I am SICK OF IT. He only fights for those he cares about because he’s afraid of being alone which is a very human desire but we never see him grow in it, he just keeps ignoring whatever he doesn’t want to hear, keeps letting himself almost die but he’s still “virtuous” and not a murderer to the narrative. Because the restaurant ghouls dared to have fun with the terrible cards they were dealt, so they deserved it! Because those humans in the dragon incident didn’t care, so they deserved it! And besides he wasn’t conscious anyways! Because Furuta dared to try to break the system that Kaneki decided wasn’t real, because he wanted to make sure the world never created a child like him again, so he deserved it! I could deal with him if the narrative actually treated him like what he is, “morally grey” is not an excuse to his actions it’s a byproduct, so just saying “it’s alright because he’s morally grey” doesn’t fix any of the issues with his inconsistencies! With his lack of growth beyond just getting worse, and being handed a happy ending anyways! Also why are all of his stans silent as the grave I hear barely a WHISPER out of you creatures yet you appear like phantoms to salivate over him when art is made and to sweep polls. I know perhaps 3 people who both actively post and I know for a fact would declare Kaneki their favorite. Where are the rest of you? WHERE ARE YOU HIDING? But godspeed to you.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: He feels so overwritten at the end, I really wish he either died, or that :re had gone the csm route and had a different protagonist. For our candidates for a new protagonist I would nominate: Hide. An exploration of a character who was born into a world that was hurting him, but chose to love ghouls anyways. Who chose to keep being a good person no matter how hard it was, (WHAT KANEKI DOES, DOES NOT COUNT AS BEING A “GOOD PERSON.”) He’d be a refreshing air of positivity and hope from Kaneki’s internal monologue. It’s so desolate it makes me want to commit amusing vandalism just to remember that bright colors are real and very lovely. I don’t have the energy to write out full explanations for all of them but I’d also nominate any of the Quinx squad members, Juuzou (I just want more Hanbee), Ayato, Amon, or Furuta. Or making Haise a person with a separate body.

Favorite friendship for this character: If Haise counts Juuzou, if not Banjou or Ayato.

My crossover ship: I’m tempted to say knives as a joke because they have the same english voice actor, (Who does a fantastic job as both but MAN his voice goes deep in tristamp.) Anyways Vash I guess. Go be self-sacrificial together you fools. (affectionate connotation for one, indifferent for the other.)

#miscellaneous not art things #tokyo ghoul #ken kaneki #still doing those it just took me a bit to continue #zeph answers questions about media/characters/ships

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feretra · 5 months

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21, 31, & 35!

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

Alright, now that I have the "I'm a terrible human being" portion of the post out of the way, let's actually attempt to answer the first question, yeah?

Since there's multiple ones here, I'll do you a steady and stick these suckers under a Read More.

I'm not going to beat around the bush here, so let's just cut right to the heart of the matter: Salome is written with a very righteous anger. Whether or not this comes across as having a outright temper depends wholly on the context and expression of it.

But rest assured, if your character is doing something she entirely disagrees with? Or she is involved in a plot she does not find suitable to her ethics? Everyone will know. Whether or not she breaks with the party to the point she leaves -- up and to leaving outright -- would depend on how hard she's pushed. There are certain things she absolutely will not compromise or bend on, and attempting to force her hand will break her generally calm demeanor enough that you'll see that truly capricious bite that Salome needed to have in order to survive this far on her own. And once she's reached this point?

However, as the meme above indicated, it's not this simple. God, I wish it was.

Salome has been living with a brain injury since she was seventeen years of age. You may have noticed that this was the same age as when she was supposed to be married off, and yes, they are related. That brain injury is why Salome is, generally speaking, pretty deadly calm until... she's not. Even if she's complaining. Even if she's a bit annoyed. The rein's on her emotional lability are held extremely tight for everyone's sake. Because once her temper -- and it has to be anger -- breaks through? It's going to get cycled on a feedback loop until she's a literal mess.

The source of her brain injury lies in her amygdala; a part of your brain that pulls a lot of weight for emotional regulation, fear response, and anxiety management. All of this is very broken in her. Anxiety and fear get recoded and recycled back through as indignation. Stress is rewritten as agitation. Fight or flight instead has become fight or fight or, well, fight. And while she has learned to wrangle and control these malfunctions, they still exist. She still very much has that temper and if she's not allowed to follow the toolset to keep it under control, it takes control and sits at the forefront of everything. She becomes a feral, shaking mess of rage and probably should be held back from anyone or anything that further agitates her.

Admittedly, this takes a great deal of work to have happen, but when it does? It is usually quite terrifying to most people around her.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

Salome drinks wine for cultural reasons, and sometimes absinthe for not cultural reasons! I couldn't tell you what she's like when she's drunk, because she doesn't like the sensation. Alcohol tends to settle with a sensation along the bridge of her nose that is very physically unpleasant/warm and she can only drink about a glass of something before it's too much for her.

( In other words, I wanted to write Salome as having the same gene mutation as her mun!mummy. Out of hundreds of characters I've written over the years, she's the only one who finds alcohol unpleasant to drink lol. I though it would be quite fun. )

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

i'm not allowed to say standing around with her tits out am i

Salome has a few vices that can be seen as guilty pleasures, none of which she feels particularly guilty about. They include smoking her creteks, a near fanatical coffee and tea habit, baked goods, flat breads, the deadly plant obsession, and her stupid pet lizard being fed better than anyone in the camp is.

#salome ( hc )

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agentnico · 1 year

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Top 10 Best Movies of 2022

Happy New Year everyone! Another year, another day, another annual calendar change. Here’s hoping 2023 brings us many more fun movies and entertainment, however before that let’s look back on 2022, and these are the 10 movies that to me personally stood out the most. Doesn’t mean they are your favourite or anyone else’s. This is a full biased me-list. Therefore your lists might be completely different to this one, but at the end of the day that is the beauty of cinema - we all have our own personal opinions and takes. So without much further ado, these are my favourite films of 2022. At this point in writing I am still yet to see The Whale, so even though I feel that Brendan Fraser will absolutely kill in that role, that movie unfortunately won’t be on this list, as I cannot speak of that what I have not seen... duh. Anyway, here we go...

HONOURABLE MENTIONS: The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent; Barbarian; Three Thousand Years of Longing; Apollo 10 1⁄2: A Space Age Childhood; Studio 666; Jackass Forever; Babylon, The Sea Beast

SPECIAL HONOURABLE MENTION: ELVIS - This one just missed the Top 10, but I feel like it deserves recognition anyway, so here we are. There’s always something really special about seeing an actor completely lose himself in a biopic role, and Austin Butler achieves that by literally becoming Elvis Presley. Baz Luhrmann’s film is flashy and manic, but there’s a real style to it, and those last 30 minutes are truly heart wrenching. And look, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I had the soundtrack playing on repeat for weeks after seeing this film! Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/688752839453999104/elvis-2022-review

10) PUSS IN BOOTS: THE LAST WISH - Look, I am as shocked as anyone at how good Puss in Boots: The Last Wish turned out to be. Easily better than its predecessor and in fact taking a run for the money at the better Shrek movies. With remarkable animation, great voice acting and featuring a spine-chilling personification of death in the form of the Big Bad Wolf, The Last Wish is a great sequel for the favourite fearless hero. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/705961629983162368/puss-in-boots-the-last-wish-2022-review

9) MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON - I am going to straight up say it - Marcel is fricking cute! This tiny little shell with very bright pink shoes and one singular googly eye has such an innocent yet overly positive outlook on anything and all. With slapstick humour and loads of heart, this is an adorable little indie film that exists sorely to remind us to appreciate the little things in life that we have. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/700915329295106048/marcel-the-shell-with-shoes-on-2022-review

8) GLASS ONION: A KNIVES OUT MYSTERY - Though nowhere as good as the original Knives Out, Rian Johnson nonetheless manages to conjure up another fun murder mystery whodunnit with a very game cast and a sharp witty script. And again, Daniel Craig’s detective Benoit Blanc with his Southern drawl is a character creation that is so damn good, that I cannot wait to see him again and again and again. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/701987284695875584/glass-onion-a-knives-out-mystery-2022-review

7) ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT - This movie is a bleak experience from beginning to end. From the opening moments where the blood-soaked uniforms of the dead are washed and then handed nice and clean to the new recruits, with the latter having no idea where these clothes have been scavenged from, to the main character Paul stabbing a French soldier in No Man’s Land, only to then have to lie in horror by his side and listen to the victim choking on his own blood, this film is a grim reminder on the terrifying brutality of war, that is unfortunately very relevant to this day. A very powerful adaptation of Erich Maria Remarque’s original masterpiece. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/699530184482766848/all-quiet-on-the-western-front-2022-review

6)THE WHALE - There’s always that one movie a year where folks clamour on about featuring the best acting performance of the year, and how said performance is a shoehorn for an Academy Award. Nine times out of ten that performance ends up being alright, but very overrated. In the case of The Whale, Brendan Fraser deserves all the praise and then some. It’s a role you’ve never seen from him before, and he shows so much emotion just in his eyes... it’s truly incredible. Austin Butler is great in Elvis, don’t get me wrong, but Fraser here does something truly special. Film’s a hard watch, but so worth it for him. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/708405214578917376/the-whale-2022-review

5) X - X is a shocking and provocative erotic slasher horror that benefits from taking itself seriously enough to be genuinely unsettling, however self aware enough to still have that element of cheese factor, especially when it comes to the sexual scenes and the genre misdirects. Featuring shocking and truly creepy and grotesque sequences, I am reminded of a quote from a character in this movie - “I say this is one goddamn f****d up horror picture”. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/679353856708198400/every-so-often-i-get-a-bright-idea-in-this-case

4) EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE - This one offered us the real multiverse of madness, unlike a certain other Marvel outing this year. Part science fiction, part black comedy, part drama, part fantasy, part romance, part martial arts film, part family film, part absurdist surrealism, and even an animation at one point, it literally is a movie about everything everywhere all at once. Probably the most original film of the year, which makes sense as it comes from the director’s of that Daniel Radcliffe farting corpse movie. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/685330781899505664/everything-everywhere-all-at-once-2022-review

3) TOP GUN: MAVERICK - Well pardon my pun, but Top Gun: Maverick is simply ace! This is such an adrenaline fuelled, riveting and exciting action film, and is exactly what perfect summer blockbusters should be like. With nail-biting aeronautics featuring cast members having to train and physically learn to fly the jets themselves, making it feel more real like you’re in the cockpit yourself. Miles Teller spends most of the movie sweating and red faced mid-air with his expression reading “damn, I may actually snuff it”. Truly thrilling stuff. Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/686795061603794944/top-gun-maverick-2022-review

2) THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN - Having one of this year’s most simple premises - one friend decides to suddenly unfriend the other, and the other friend refuses to accept it. Result? The funniest bloody movie possible. Equally hilarious yet tragic, I honestly find it difficult to find a fault in this one. Even the ending that really dials up on the dark madness feels deserved and the only direction for these characters to go, especially with the Irish folklore and myths behind it. Also the cinematography is stunning. Like guys, who knew Ireland was so beautiful!? Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/698895813551718400/the-banshees-of-inisherin-2022-review

1) RRR - Of course my No 1 movie of 2022 is RRR. It could only be RRR! No other film this year came even close to the absolute joy I had watching the 3 hours+ of nonstop thrilling action, crazy Bollywood dance sequences (Naatu Naatu is my new life jam!) and a wonderful timeless tale of brotherhood and friendship. And again the action! A dude tosses a motorbike at one point like its nothing!! RRR’s key success is its sincerity. Unlike typical modern day Hollywood blockbuster cash-grabs (no shade!), RRR never strives to be anything other than its supposed to be. It’s a Telugu movie through and through, and you can tell the director, actors and crew are so unified in their collective mission and passion for the material that it simply glistens on the screen. It’s insane, its romantic, its funny, its exhilarating, it’s everything you’d want from a movie and more! Bloody love RRR I do! Full review: https://agentnico.tumblr.com/post/693281002805690368/rrr-2022-review

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gleefullypolin · 6 days

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I agree, I need them all. Good and bad, I don't care I am much better off for them. I don't want the beats of their romantic stuff so much as I want the overall beats for preparing myself if you get my meaning. Seeing what happens in text gives me a peace of mind while watching something with context. My husband hates spoilers but he knows I love them so he only asks me for them if he thinks he's going to get pissed off, ha.

My chaotic brain will both love and hate a huge cliffhanger. Love it because I've written fic for so long that it's just damned fun and hate it because I won't know what's coming and that's rude. I will be right along with you looking for spoilers. I will be ridiculous.

Oh I had dictionaries. Even a thesaurus, paperback style. I explained how a pager used to work to a teenager a few months ago and wanted to die inside the whole time.

Episode 4 is the second scene? You know, that makes a lot of sense actually even though I know most people aren't going to like it. If he has to watch Obi Wan with Penelope for episode 3 and he's already caught feelings by the end of 2, by 4 he's going to be a mess and a half. I heard that he just mopes and sits in a corner during the scene so if he's been pining and thinks all is lost and he can't even escape in a way that's worked for him in the past, he's going to have to do something about it.

With the LOWK of it all and she did not look thrilled during that dance with him in the trailer, adding in chaotic and unhinged Colin because of Kenebling (which is fair, I just see him not as an obstacle but more the physical manifestation of Colin's fear that he might have lost her to someone else in the book), I'm sure a lot is going to happen within that episode that gets us ready for the back half of the season and onto their happily ever after. That episode is going to be insane I'm sure.

Oh oh yes, I have been burned too many times. Let me be insane for one season then settle into just happily watching from then on. A perfect scenario for me really. Yeah, I've seen some nasty things and for people who have consistently accused others of such and such, I have yet to see the such and such, even in the replies on their nastier posts. If even the kindest posts asking for manners are met with vitriol from a ship's fans then maybe not everyone else is wrong about behaviors from certain fans.

My kingdom to hear a My Wife!

Just look at it as being paid to read fic. You've taken on the Man and gotten paid for leisure. And for years? Truly queen behavior right there.

I agree, I just need to know that A happens, then B, which leads them to X by the end of that episode. I don’t know to know how each scene plays out or how they say it, that is the beauty then of watching it play out. But at least I know that I will cringe at B, but I will cry with C and by the time I get to X all is right. Or perhaps I will hate X but by the time episode 3 comes it will be ok by F. Oh my word the way my brain works is terrifying. But my husband is the same as yours. He doesn’t want to know what is coming, he only wants to know if I’m going to be angry beforehand. And then he just laughs and says, oh dear.

I will hate needing to wait another month again, but another part of my brain hates me and will truly love all of it. Because I will sit and create angsty things and dream of scenarios in my head of lovely ways to fix it and isn’t that what fandom is all about anyway? Besides it gives me something to do other than sitting on twitter with my fingers cramping while I get angry over politics and the world. I prefer this to that any day! So, I’ll take the angst of romance, will they or won’t they, carriage rides, and waltz’s, longing looks, and trying to figure out how the story goes.

I think my brain works different as a watcher vs a writer. I think it goes to show writers CAN’T be trusted in some form. As a fic writer I am all about pain. I LOVE cliffhangers and putting my characters through the ringer. I mean I am also a happy ending writer so I trust that I will get my readers there eventually and not all television writers can do that for you. But I guess writers like a bit of a mess! Where is the fun in boy and girl meet, the end, right?

OH MY WORD you explained a pager! To someone from this day and age! That must have been terrifying. I work for a company that acquired a startup, and I have to say, we do not speak the same tech language. LMAO!

It does make sense! Because I’m sure a lot changes from 2 to 4. His brain has mushed from then in how he feels and his confusion has misted over from this BS “my friend Pen is not a woman” to “my whatever Pen is to me sure has plump lips and pert breasts” who is now dancing and giggling with Lord Kenobi all day long and now looking very troubled while speaking with him at that ball. I’m sure seeing her run out of the ball during whatever is happening (I’m assuming either a proposal or a price on LW head is happening)

And I’m sure before this ball is the brothel scene where Colin is all in his feels and not interested in anything else but what is playing in his head about Pen. So, he has gone to this ball with only her in his mind and maybe even realizes he loves her at this point so he’s realizing he’s lost her here. Then whatever happens she runs out and he goes after her, so I figure it has to be LW here because there has to be something that snaps for them both. And then the drama begins, because we pretty much end friends to lovers for part 1 and that is when enemies to lovers starts for part 2.

I literally don’t have the attention span for more than this season. I was gung ho for a couple years on Captain Swan and I burned out very hard, writing fics daily and spending hours until I had a literal melt down mentally. So my attention to the pretty will be here for this season and then I will need a head space break again I’m sure. It will be nice to then see them and be happy and not be stressed about the who, what, and where will be happening and just know they are happy. And hopefully the negative fans can crawl back into whatever negative hole they came from as they wish hell on the show they apparently only loved because of 2 people and will burn to the ground now without.

It is sad, when I was on phones, I would sneak a peek at a fic. When I got into leadership, I snuck off to write a few chapters. Once I hit management…I’ve been paid to write full fics. They love me. I have put in more hours than 40 in a week. So I’ve paid my dues, it’s mental health benefits to write on the side! Haha!

#my asks #wonderful people

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writeyourstorywithink · 2 months

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"Can't even see that from space..."

Pretty hard to describe how all of this is going for me so far... On one hand I am loving the hobby of collecting baseball cards, ripping packs like its my job (damn I wish it was) and on the other, the social media and vlogging aspect is so so. The thrill of making the videos, adding music or effects, applying fun text and researching the best hashtags to make it visible to the most amount of people is awesome! However, all of it truly takes time and thoughtfulness to make sure you are putting out quality content that people can enjoy, which is where I am falling a bit short. The excitement of the posting and tracking viewers/analytics has gotten the best of me and I deviate from my strategy causing some weaker content, missed hashtags or links to the proper video. SLOPPY! This is quite new to me though as you all know so I'm working hard to keep learning as I bang on this keyboard boring you with my growing pains. Seriously though what is going on with this THREADS thing...?

I thought that making the videos, being on camera and trying to talk about a subject that in the grand scheme of things I still know very little about would be terrifying and I would never be able to fill the time. On my YouTube and TikTok I have two ten minute videos and one five minute video, all three I barely finished what I was saying or doing in time and I was shocked! Based on my lengthy blog posts I'm sure you're not surprised but I sure was. Due to some internal issues, I have for the most part lived in solitude for the last two years so for me, all this putting myself out there and talking about this to you would have been impossible a few months ago. When you get to the point of drinking as much as I did, everything in your life starts to fade away. You slowly stop answering phone calls, make excuses not to go to weddings or events with friends, you become distant with your family, and all because of that perfect little shiver followed by the goosebumps you get after that first drink touches the back of your throat. That moment where nothing else around you matters, that moment you looked forward to since the moment you got up in the morning. When you're at the point that you can't totally function, converse with friends or feel good without alcohol, you completely abandon your life outside of work and home (you only work to get more booze so you stop feeling sick).

I spent a good part of the last decade perched on a barstool trying to relive an impossible past acting like somehow I'd find it at the bottom of any one of those glasses. I drank when I was happy, I drank when I was sad, I cheers'd birthdays of people I didn't even know, I drank... I had a promising career in the automotive industry, built some great relationships in the big city, yet none of that was enough to get the life I wanted back. I always thought that I needed more, I had to make more money, drive a better car otherwise she/anyone else would never love me (that was all in my head by the way). This feeling drove me crazy to the point of restless nights where my mind would never shut down which means...Night cap(s)! When you get to that point your only hobbies are planning out your day so you can strategically drink enough to keep from getting sick to your stomach or shaking so bad you can't hold a cup of water without spilling. If you think that doesn't seem like much to look forward to well...its not, but when you're in it that deep, knowing there is a bottle waiting for you at home is like knowing you get to go to Vegas after work...STOKED!

Enough about the drinking though for now, I just wanted to give you a little back story to build on what I talked about in my last post. Get out of your comfort zone and just do it! Sign up for that class, make conversation with that person you find attractive on the street, buy that pack of baseball cards and don't get wrapped up with living in the past. Do something today that will lead to even better things for you tomorrow. Whatever it is that gets you excited just do it and don't worry what people will say or think because your passion is the only ice breaker you'll need! The videos I talked about earlier and all of my card content are on instagram @vonarx_ink and TiKTok @vonarxink I hope this gets even just one person a little pumped to try something they've always wanted to try this weekend.

#baseball #luxury car #alcohol #drunk #love #life #throwback thursday #new beginnings #intentions

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helpyeungrowup · 8 months

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update

alot has happened since the last post.

7 months passed, and within those months I finished my second year, i moved to another place...more than once, and i studied abroad in Korea.

my mental has grown and I can definitely feel it. my time in Korea was rough. going alone and living in a foreign place for almost three months was hard. i felt isolated, lonely, and confused. i felt confused about my identity and i definitely questioned my self worth. I also realized the importance of my actions and future plans for myself and my parents. i basically went through the whole "i need to get my shit together" arc.

in korea i met a good amount of people. i went out and i enjoyed myself. but i tore myself down and broke myself apart more often than had fun. it was difficult to be optimistic during my stay. there were problems that i was not in control of and just happened out of sheer poor luck and there were problems where i did have some sort of control but made poor decisions. I learned many lessons nevertheless.

i learned how to be more independent during the 7 months. i feel like i say this everytime, but i truly have. my stay in Korea brought me so much burden and emotions that I've never felt. I honestly felt the most stressed and under pressure since being born. (this is dramatized i definitely went through worse, but at the time this is how i felt) i started to doubt everything about myself and the relationships I had. this month I'm taking a step back from everything and I'm just trying to figure everything out. there's moments when i feel like i got it but soon i feel like nothing has improved. but that's just something i have to be patient with and i know everything will soon be ok.

even though my self-confidence went down since the last update, I'm also ok with it because i know ill feel confident about myself again soon. working on myself used to feel like a chore or an impossible mission. but now i enjoy it and i find myself actively trying to better myself. and I'm proud of myself for it.

my third year of college is starting soon and i am both terrified and excited. I'm excited to meet people for the first time in my life and the determination i feel to go out there and converse with others is...just so weird.

but i enjoy this feeling. third year here i come. please be gentle with me.

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wroteonedad · 11 months

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Movies My Dad Would Like

I am writing this as if it isn't still a good two weeks until it's even Father's Day, but I have compiled a list of movies I think my dad would enjoy. Last week when I was home, I forced him into watching Into The Spiderverse and then showed him the trailer for Uncut Gems (we didn't have time to watch it after our movie marathon though). He really liked the Spiderverse one and he seemed to find the trailer for Uncut Gems interesting enough so it only makes sense to compile an entire list of films I think he might enjoy, right? Right? Also I am feeling extra erratic as I write this post because I am currently on the phone waiting for HMRC to answer so I can finally fix my messed up tax code. I love England.

To add to that note of HMRC I have been on hold for 20 minutes already and I dread to think the size of the phone bill I'm going to receive, but my tax code will be fixed and my brain can stop going brrrrr... Let's discuss movies.

Whiplash (2014) directed by Damien Chazelle

This film is about a dude who goes to a music school and is quickly noticed by scary bald jazz enthusiast Fletcher who recruits Andrew onto his team. This team is the prestigious lot, incredibly gifted at what they do, but this gift is brought to the extreme over the way in which Fletcher teaches them. The relationship is abusive and the lengths of punishment that Fletcher would go to in order to have every student sound perfect all the time,,, well it's terrifying. He scares me through the little screen.

It's a proper bloke film. There is a lot of action, but not really in the conventional guns bang bang bang way. Andrew bangs his drums until he physically cannot anymore, he endures a concussion and still shows up to rehearsal. It is the ultimate indie drama movie for every bloke and I think my dad would enjoy it because it is not slow burning and you grow to hate every single character in this universe.

Tag (2018) directed by Jeff Tomsic

The ultimate man film about friendship, truly. This film is all about 5 friends who compete one month per year for a big game of tag. Run into work, at your mates wedding, you name it, you're getting tagged. Except in this movie one of the friends is getting married and he is the only person who hasn't been tagged ever.

The cast for this film include Jon Hamm, Jeremy Renner and Jake Johnson which is the holy trinity for any dad casted line up really. Though when I watched it, I was especially excited for Hannibal Buress being in it, love that guy.

Mid 90s (2018) directed by Jonah Hill

This film follows the life of 13 year old Stevie trying to find the community and lifestyle that he thinks he belongs to. He finds this through the downtown skateboarding community. His mother isn't very attentive to his life and his brother is as the movie synopsis pretty much puts it, a big fat bully. This is visually very pleasing, but I don't think the film is as deep as it was trying to be.

As the film is directed by Jonah Hill, it is the perfect example for a dad movie to enjoy.

Dune (1984) directed by David Lynch

Not the Dune that's just come out, the original one where the budget ran out towards the end of the movie and things start to look crazy to the point you can see the literal green screen clear as day.

It's literally just an action movie about a man in a different universe finding and looking after the rare spice without an entire war breaking out. But the David Lynch version is incredibly goofy, for example Leto is a fun little worm man. I added this version specifically to the list as I've been trying to get my dad to finish watching Twin Peaks and I think this adds to the multiverse of madness.

Boiling Point (2021) directed by Philip Barantini

I want you to imagine Hells Kitchen, but if everyone was British and it was being aired on Channel 4. It follows the story of a head chef who has to deal with many personal problems as well as the balance of professional crisis, especially when the man he owes money to drops in at the end as the restaurant is on flames (metaphorically). A slow burning, but beautifully dramatic piece.

Pearl (2022) directed by Ti West

Pearl is the prequal to X (2022), but it still feels important to watch X before delving into Pearl. Pearl is living on her isolated farm with her family where she has to overcome fears, concentrate on relationships and also figure out how to become one of the most famous people in the world. All while the influenza is spreading and the war is raging. Her dad has to be extra cautious with this as him catching it could kill him.

The whole movie becomes an ironic downfall into how Pearl loses her marbles and becomes a mass murderer instead of the dancer she so badly wanted to be.

Battle Royale (2000) directed by Kinji Fukasaku

If I had to explain this movie in simple terms for my dad, this is the original Hunger Games. This is the movie adaption of Fortnite. But it's a lot better than that because you can't beat the original.

The film revolves around a futuristic land where the Japanese government forced a ninth grade class to travel to an island on a class trip where they are forced to kill each other until there is a crowned winner. Each student receives a package containing a map and a weapon of some form, some better than others and they are left to fend for themselves, receiving announcements at set times every day by their teacher to tell them who has died and which spots of the island to avoid at specific times.

Dad if you watch this movie, I found a dubbed version for you on Amazon.

You Don't Mess With The Zohan (2008) directed by Dennis Dugan

They stopped making comedy movies like this shortly after this film dropped. This film is awful actually, but has the type of irony to it that makes it sort of funny in places.

Zohan is a terrorist. He stages his own death so he can travel to New York so he can pursue his lifelong dream to be a hairdresser. That's it, that's the movie. It's dumb, there are many points of the film that feel like they've aged like a sour milk, but it still maintains some level of dad humour that just makes sense.

At the end of this post I just wanted to add an extra note about me being on the phone to HMRC when I started writing this post up yesterday. It is all fixed, I'm getting a nice rebate. Cheers

#writing #movies #movie review #whiplash #tag #mid 90s #dune #boiling point #pearl #battle royale #you don't mess with the zohan

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