#this was originally gonna be.... spicier | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jagdkommandos · 8 months

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NSFW alphabet template (König Edition)

I made this account to try and get into writing more so i thought a prompt template might be a fun way to start it off….various headcanons of König because I spend too much time thinking about him🥰 maybe some brief mentions of harder kinks but nothing graphic/detailed or illegal dw

Original Template here!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Always concerned with your wellbeing when you finish, he’ll immediately get you water and hold you. Afterwards he’ll get your clothes if you ask, or let you lay in the bed and rest as he makes dinner. Loves to do things after, and will make snacks so you can stay in bed and watch movies or spend time together.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

For his partner’s body, their legs/hips. He’ll cover them with kisses and bite marks, manhandling them any chance he gets (only with your enthusiastic consent, of course)

For himself, his arms. He loves being able to hold you so strongly, and carry you around in them. He also loves watching you grab his biceps during missionary, they make a great holding bar so you don’t slide away from his force.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

cums A LOT. With little experience, and not making masturbation a habit, when he does go at it he goes hard. Not only does he have a huge load, but he’s gonna want to come multiple times. He loves seeing it on or in you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

ties into wild card a bit further down, but he’s definitely into some more degrading stuff. He really loves that he’s basically guaranteed to be bigger than his partner, because he loves feeling like he has control, but he goes to great lengths to hide it because he feels bad about it. In theory, he’d love to call you names or be rough during sex, but the one time he tries he probably feels so terrible he stops, even if you like it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s definitely had a couple partners in his life, but he hasn’t been sleeping around. He knows the basics, but if you wanted to try something spicier, he might need some direction.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

On top, facing you with your legs on his shoulders. dunno what you’d call that, but it definitely gives the perfect view of your reaction and the best angle for kissing and biting.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’s too self conscious to act silly or weird during sex, and will try to act reserved, but he’ll match whatever mood you’ve set once he’s more comfortable.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Relatively well trimmed, I don’t think he’d be totally bald or have any designs but he likes to keep the hair short and out of the way.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Super romantic, the first few times you had sex in a relationship he would definitely always initiate it with a date first. Even when it became too regular for that to be convenient, he’d still approach you in a very loving way.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn’t do it a lot, his anxiety gets in the way when he’s left alone for too long and he gets paranoid about someone catching him. He’ll do it if he gets worked up enough, though.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

any sort of marking. He would probably never admit it, but anything like branding, biting, any sort of symbol of unification.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

A good old bedroom, preferably one set up beforehand to be suited for a few hours of intimacy (think big bed, lots of pillows, flowers on the table, toys in the bedstand, waterbottles on hand for when you take breaks. He’s a sucker for cheesy romantic settings.)

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Any buildup of sexual tension drives him mad if he wants you. Interrupted before he has to go to work? he’ll spend the whole day with you in the back of his mind. Edging him or teasing him? He’ll get so frustrated he wants to throw you on the bed and have his way. He’s also totally into restraining his partner, because he loves watching them try to resist the pleasure he gives them. Anything that shows him you’re overly eager for him will drive him crazy.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything public. This dude def even locks the bedroom door when you go at it. He doesn’t want to be caught in an awkward position, and he doesn’t want to put you in one, either. He’d be too busy watching his surroundings to enjoy himself.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves receiving, but he’s a fan of giving too. He’d never demand it from you, but if you initiate head he’ll lose his mind. He’s pretty good at giving, and he’d offer to pretty often, but he loves being able to watch your face as he receives.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He starts out slow and romantic, trying to be gentle, but has a hard time containing himself and always ends up increasing his pace after a while.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

not a fan, He doesn’t feel like it provides equal satisfaction to both parties. He much prefers multiple short rounds in a row, or one long session. Quickies feel too impersonal and almost disrespectful because he doesn’t just bang to get off.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He likes the idea of risks, but only in controlled environment. He wouldn’t be able to do anything genuinely public or rank-risking, but he’d probably be into roleplaying it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He doesn’t last long before nutting, but he regains energy fast (you can’t tell me this massive specops dude doesnt have record breaking recovery time) and is ready to go for multiple rounds

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He wouldn’t use anything like a fleshlight, but he’d keep a small collection of various toys of your choosing for him to use during sex.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Bigger on being teased than teasing. Egging him on when you can’t have sex will basically ensure a wild time when he gets you alone. He won’t be able to stop thinking about it the whole time. Once he’s comfortable though, he’s definitely more eager to tease you back or start it, because he actually enjoys the dynamic.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Tries to be quiet, fails miserably. He’ll start out with heavy breathing, but it’ll descend into a series of swearing, german words, and loud grunting. He also LOVES to hear you make noise, otherwise he worries he’s doing it wrong.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Into some more extreme things, but he’d never tell anyone that. Knifeplay, blindfolding, branding, biting, etc. but only, ONLY if you are the one who initiates it, and you’ll probably have to practically beg him, because otherwise he will always feel bad about it, even if you agree and he asks first.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

dude is RIPPED. He has largely athletic related hobbies, and an active job in the military, so he stays in top shape. He’s got pretty clear skin because he’s got good hygiene, and all his body hair is either trimmed or removed because he doesn’t like how it looks or feels under all his gear. He’s got a decent amount of scars from work, mostly along his chest and arms but also some on his lower body and maybe a couple on his face. Also definitely packing, because he is 6’10 and because I say so. It’s gotta be like 13 inches long.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He has a high sex drive, but the average person would never know because he has it under great control. Unless you initiate, he’s never gonna harass or beg because he’s horny, but he will take care of himself once he’s alone. Live with him as his girlfriend though, and you’ll never have a free moment.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

sex wakes him up. You’ll wake up hours after sex and find him still busying himself with various tasks and hobbies, cleaning the house, etc. as if it reinvigorated him. Sometimes he’ll even ask for it if he knows he has a lot to do in a night, because it motivates him and acts as a stress reliever.

A/N: I hc könig as a huge service top and i cant stop thinking about it so thats what 90% of this is sorry i need him to be my husband rn

#modern warfare fanfiction #call of duty headcanons #modern warfare smut #modern warfare headcanons #konig x reader #konig modern warfare #konig imagine #modern warfare konig #konig headcanons #konig x you #konig smut #modern warfare x reader #modern warfare x you #konig x y/n #modern warfare 2 headcanon

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la-imp · 1 year

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Paint me like one of your Blu Boys - Part I.

Lyle Wainfleet x Reader(Human/Avatar) drabbles.

Summary: I wrote this because, literally, no one asked for it. This little drabble is a self-indulgent fic I wanted to do because I felt it would be in Wainfleet's character to actually do something like this. And of course, he finds someone (naive enough) to oblige his antics. Lately, he has grown on me - I love that himbo sdm.

Man, this turned out much longer than I anticipated... So I am gonna split it up in two parts. The next one will be a bit spicier.

Minors DNI! - 18+

Suggestive themes are included.

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Lyle would be that one member in every group to concoct various shenanigans to pass time whenever he is off duty. When he was revived as a Recom soldier, this behavior only increased.

After going through a bit of an existential crisis, he came to terms with his new body and identity, despite the fact he would never be the original Lyle Wainfleet. However, that didn't mean he couldn't have his share of fun. Especially after he learned to appreciate everything a lot more, given that he was offered a second shot at life.

Safe to say, 'growing' into your body gained a whole new meaning, including the extra appendages, blue complexion, swiveling ears, and the additional Na'vi instincts. But unlike some Recoms, he quickly fell in love with his new physique, especially the pleasant upgrade downstairs.

The ladies certainly loved him. Yes, he would unquestionably indulge in some 'entertainment' or 'relief' after returning from a long mission out in the field. The RDA made sure to cover every one of their needs. Service Comfort, as they'd call it. Safe to say, being a Recom and a member of the Deja Blu unit had its perks.

He was often walked in on by either Z-Dog or Prager, when he was sprawled out on his oversized bed, the sheets barely covering his dignity with three human women snuggled up to him, hairs tousled and peppered with multiple hickeys. "Hey Wainfleet, you need to be at the medical bay for your annual checkup. Be there sharp in- HOLY SHIT!"

Lyle's expression remained unperturbed as he replied, "For Christ's sake Prager, ever heard of knocking?" He snapped before tossing a pillow at Prager’s general direction. Fortunately, the Recom had already slammed the door shut with an expression akin to as if he'd just seen the devil. Before Prager quickly departed, he sighed anxiously, sensing the itching desire to bleach his eyes in order to forget what he’d just witnessed.

Wainfleet dismissed the ladies before getting himself ready, making sure he didn't smell like he had five hours of non-stop action in the sheets. After all, he had something, or rather, someone to look forward to. You.

A cute medical assistant, aka nurse who specialized in Na'vi physiology and psychology. He remembered your presence the first time he opened his yellow irises and gained consciousness as a Recom. When you came to his side to soothe or instruct him, he thought you as an angel. Maybe it was also due to the fact that he first laid eyes on you with the bright, artificial light shining behind you like a halo.

Nonetheless, he was whipped. Smitten.

But that wasn't enough to prevent you from his teasing and typical Wainfleet-esque fashion treatment. He would often drop in unannounced and kick the door against the adjacent wall while you were at the lab, doing your research. As a result of the explosive entrance and the loud noise, you would often shriek. "Hey (y/n)! I found that weird purple star-shaped plant and I figured you could use it for medicinal purposes or do somethin- why are you screaming?" You would jump from your chair and 'courteously' ask him to stop kicking the door open. Since then your door had to be replaced three times. He had taken a keen likening towards you through means that cannot be explained.

His excitement could barely be contained, wearing that shit-eating grin whenever you graced him with your feather-soft touches, which were at its core, just simple physicals like testing his motor skills and bone density, muscle tissue development - the whole nine yards. Of course, he would squirm a bit in his seat, grunting or mumbling something like having 'an itch' that needs to be scratched, and you would politely remind him it was not your damn job to give him massages. His ears would droop a little after you denied him.

But he was quick to bounce back. After some time, his visits would grow more frequent, using every trick in the book to either feign an illness or even purposefully injure himself (which are minor compared to your usual patients) for you to patch up. Eventually, Wainfleet ate up most of your time, leaving little to no room for scheduling with the others.

Your colleagues would often poke fun at you and send Wainfleet into your care when they felt they didn't want to deal with his horseshit. Having no choice, you caved and leaned into the fact of having him as your 'regular' patient. "Fine Mr. Wainfleet, take a seat," you would sigh, but with a slight smile. Wainfleet saw it as an excuse to spend some quality time with you and have you baby him after every mission. After all, it was hard fucking work. Didn't he at least deserve a reward or some form of compensation?

"Oh, you're taking such good care of me Miss (y/n)," he said as he batted his eyes at you. Of course, he would also 'reward' ' (cough) you for being such a great nurse. He would endow you with little trophies or trinkets. Sometimes even a piece of jewelry he 'confiscated' from one of these Na'vi savages. According to him at least. Sometimes he has his tail swish a bit more than usual, hitting your backside like a fuzzy whip. You would yelp and turn to catch the culprit, only to find the corporal was long gone. Damn his long legs.

It wasn't like you didn't enjoy his company. Quite the contrary. At times you were even looking forward to his visits and enjoyed your little exchanges... even when he often made lewd or suggestive comments at you. "Are you going to take my temperature? Oh, I already know what you're gonna say. Too hot to handle!" - "I am so glad I got you as my nurse. So tell me, are you usually naughty or nice towards your patients?" - "Hey, I managed to smuggle this in from the botanic garden," you would look at what he had brought you, only to gasp when you saw it being the Pandorian equivalent to cannabis. You quickly shooed him out. "Aww, you're no fun!"

Lyle would tug on your lab coat to get your attention... or that one time when he suddenly 'spotted' a cut on your leg on the day you wore a skirt for the first time. Save to say, this was a mistake on your part. You would dismiss his claims but he remained persistent, so much so, that he boldly leaned forward and have his sizable palm completely wrap around the crook of your lower thigh, startling you with the sudden hot skin-to-skin contact.

"Doc, I think you got a cut there - lemme help you for a change," his cheeks lifted, forcing his eyes to narrow into crescent moons. He thought he was being slick with his ever-more audacious flirting. To the point where he deliberately had his hands latch onto you. "Oh, that doesn't look too good, you got a boo-boo right 'ere, Dr. (y/n)." he cooed with a pouting lip.

"Wha- what are you doing, Wainfleet?" He then teasingly lifted your skirt, inch by inch, saying that he saw the injury somewhere, the rough pads of his fingers skimming up your warm flesh. He seemed so certain of it as well - that was until you smacked your clipboard against his bald head, snapping his attention. "Yeouch!"

Startled he jolted and quickly retracted as you scolded him, your cheeks puffed red with fury. "Get out now, before I have your blue ass escorted out of the medical bay!" After the inappropriate encounter, you dismissed him and you watch him leave your office with slumped shoulders and a low-hanging tail. You didn't see him for two weeks after the 'incident'.

That was until he had returned - this time, however, battered and bruised. Like he'd just survived a sinking Titanic. He was a bit more cordial, less intrusive or cheeky this time around. You would measure his blood pressure, and vitals, clean his wounds, and blood, and stitch a few lacerations before giving him his prescribed pills. Meanwhile, his eyes began to wander a bit. Eventually, they connected with various drawings and sketches hanging on the wall.

"Well I'll be damned, those are pretty good. Did you draw this?" he would genuinely ask, drawing your attention to him, his gaze fixated on the various art studies. You reared your head before giving him a nod, surprised at his sudden interest in your work. "Yes, we often have to learn the inner workings of bodily functions and anatomy. I mostly do it to memorize it better... but also to pass the time," he nodded and stood up, walking over with a certain swagger in his gait. Luckily the ceilings were adjusted to accommodate the sizes of the Avatars, allowing him to stand up straight. "Really impressive," he noted, zooming in on them. You couldn't help but smile brightly at him and strike up a conversation, finding he was not a complete airhead after all.

After a while, you would agree to have him pose as your next anatomy model for your studies. You didn't know how he actually managed to get you to agree. But you couldn't deny him. Maybe you were just being polite... or maybe you cracked when he gave you that look. Those large, yellow puppy dog eyes. In his case, rather, feline eyes.

When you got off work, you both had scheduled a meeting at his dorms. Maybe this was a mistake, you thought to yourself. But then again, you would blush at the thought of having such a tall, athletic man pose for your 'scientific' studies.

Ah, it couldn't be that bad, could it?

Wrong.

When you entered, you spotted a bed placated in the center of the room, duvets and sheets elegantly folded with a few rose petals strewn across the mattress and floor.

Oh hell no. This was a whole misunder- "Well hello there, doc. Didn't think you'd come. Like to show up late for the party, huh?" his deep voice resonated from behind you, eliciting you to nearly jump out of your skin. You spun on your heel as you caught him standing before you, weight resting on one of his legs, hand relaxed on one of his slender hips as merely a towel covered his dignity. He looked cleansed and exuded a certain musk, an aromatic mixture of pine trees, spices, and a subtle hint of expensive cologne. He looked like he had just gotten out of the shower. One brow quirked at your flustered response, prompting that signature smirk to grow on his face. "Wainfleet,.... uh... what is-"

"Oh doll, don't worry 'bout it. I got everything prepared for your study," and with that he would strut over to the bed, hips swaying suggestively before he removed the garment, taking his position as he now sprawled out, elbow propped against the side with his cheeks resting on it, his other arm just scarcely covering his manhood. Not that it mattered since you caught a glimpse of this 'endowment' (which was almost as long as your damn forearm) anyways.

"What? You said you did this before and wanted to do anatomical studies.... so... here I am. Gotta show all of it if you want to do it properly," he insisted as you sucked in a breath, brows scrunched together. You couldn't imagine how you must've looked, with how much blood had rushed to your head, or the twisting cramp inside your stomach, or the clamminess of your palms as you clutched the drawing pad tighter against you. "Jesus, Marine..." you eventually would say, exhaling through your nostrils.

Taking a seat on one of the way too large, recom sized office chairs, you adjusted a few times before getting your pencils ready. "Alright... ready when you are, Lyle," you bit out, accentuating his name with a bit more edge. To your surprise, the corporal approved of your tone as you addressed him by his first name for the first time, his tail flicking excitedly, ears folding forward. He shot you a boyish wink before giving his dry lips a subtle lick, "I'm ready, doc. Have at it."

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coffee-at-annies · 5 months

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Wait there's lore for knife jars ?

Hi anon. Sorry Jars did *gestures* that and I had to be insane about it before I could finish this.

In regards to your question. Actual hockey lore? No. Pensblr lore? Sorta.

The start of it is a screenshot from twitter that I’m reposting below that says “If a goalie makes over 40 saves and still loses they should be allowed to chase after their teammates with a knife.” I think it originally entered hockeyblr with Gibby last year cause he was getting shelled constantly but like it’s universal the same way love thy goalie is universal.

I wanna say last year between bad losses, bad defense, and Jars himself being spicy in various ways, it developed into he deserves a knife. What’s he gonna do with that knife - stab his enemies or his disappointing teammates - who knows who cares Jars can be trusted. He deserves one. Give him a knife. So whenever Jars is being extra spicy or the boys are playing bad in front of him, he deserves a knife. It’s a reward and a punishment and it’s whatever. One of the spicier (though knife-less) plays last year was Jars going to the bench for the extra attacker (delayed penalty) and full on checking Leon Draisatl. So yeah. Spicy.

God there’s also that one image of (the gc says it’s) Tukka Rask brandishing his skate blade after it popped off mid game. So that’s in there in the collective “you can definitely trust a goalie with a knife” brain space.

#asks answered #anonymous #Anne watches hockey #pens lb #give mouse boy a knife #<- that’s my tag if you want more knife related posts and why jars should have one #penguins hockey

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daydreamgoddess14 · 8 months

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Aspirations pt. 2

Sydcarmy Masterlist

Full Masterlist

Sydney Adamu / Carmy Berzatto - getting a little spicier this chapter but we're not quite there... yet 👀

Syd is 12 months deep in a crush she wasn't expecting, Carmy is 6 months into a relationship he doesn't want, The Bear is 4 months open and Nat is 2 months into motherhood....

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They’d come far in the 7 months since The Beef had closed and The Bear had started. The three month build period and all of its associated problems had also brought them closer as a crew and allowed many to flourish. Syd could hand on heart say that she and Richie got on better than ever - for the most part - and she and Carmy had only grown in confidence when working together. They spoke without saying a word, she’d only been half joking when she’d told him she couldn’t read his mind. She could read his working mind. They completed each other's sentences, anticipated each other's needs and had whole conversations with just one look. As Carmy had driven off down the alley to get Richie, aside from being utterly blindsided by his kiss - which he didn’t even appear to realize he’d done - she was terrified over doing a whole day without his input or quiet reassurance. Somehow on opening night, just knowing he was stuck in the walk-in was enough, she could still hear him hollering and banging. Today, she wouldn’t have that. She needn’t have been worried.

“Baby Jeff, c’mere - I got ya something.” Tina ushered her over when she’d finally convinced her legs to carry her back inside. She held up a small paper bag and watched with delight as Sydney opened it. It was a beautiful patterned silk scarf with purples, blues and fuschia pinks.

“T, what’s this for? I can’t take this -”

“You can mi niña - look,” Tina showed Syd the same scarf she’d tied neatly at her neck. “We’re a team - me and you, and we’re gonna fuckin’ kill it today - ya hear me?” Before Syd could clear the lump in her throat, Tina had her arms around her and lifted her clean off the floor.

“Thank you, Chef. Thank you.” She murmured, placing a kiss on Tina’s cheek.

“También te amo cariño” The elder woman filled in, squeezing Sydney’s cheek. Syd quickly swapped the scarves over and assessed where they were with prep, clocking Nat in the office. She left Tina to check in with Ebra, and hovered in the doorway,

“You good, Nat?” Though Nat had been around since Mikey had been born, doing the weekly books and for general fleeting visits, she’d not done a full shift at work so far.

“I cried all the way here. This is the longest I’ve left -” she broke off with a sob, Syd by her side immediately taking her hands,

“I know, big day. We got you, ok?”

“What if I need to pump and we’re busy?”

“Then we’ll figure it out. I promise we’ve got you.” Syd told her, “I put some paper up on the window so you can have total privacy. I can’t offer you peace and quiet, but I can make sure no one comes in. I even put a ‘please knock’ sign up.” She held the door so that Natatlie could see the sign, which didn’t read please knock, it read ‘you better fucking knock’ in scrawled sharpie. Nat gave her a grateful, watery smile.

“Thank you, Syd.”

“I gotta get back out there, you gonna be ok?” Nat nodded in confirmation. Back at the expo, Syd felt her phone buzz in her back pocket and pulled it out to see a text from Richie.

fuckin’ kill it Syd

Thanks man - we will!

She fired off a quick reply and got back to work. It felt good, the original Beef team having her back. They threw the word ‘love’ around like breathing, actively telling each other regularly. It had started with Nat and Tina, and after years of a lack of real female company or support system, they soon had Syd doing it as well. She’d stopped short of saying it to Carmy. Tina and Nat had plenty enough to go around, and the last thing she needed was that word muddying the waters - even if they did all know it was meant in the familial sense. She stood next to Marcus and helped him prep peaches, needing to ground herself in actual hands on work. Once they were caught up, she moved on to review with Tina,

“10 minutes til doors, guys.”

“Yes, Chef.” Natalie came out from the office and stood alongside her, giving her hand a squeeze.

“We do this, we’ve earned a girls night.” She concluded.

“Yeah? We just take off and leave Richie and Carm to it?”

“Fuck yes, I’ll even donate Pete for reinforcements since he can’t survive without you.”

“Richie is getting better - we only fight every other day now.” “I meant Carmy, dickwad.” She rolled her eyes. “Right, let’s go?” Syd nodded,

“Let it rip.”

“Love you, Chef.” Nat gave her hand one final squeeze and pushed through the swing doors to unlock.

It went perfectly. Syd, Nat and Tina were on cloud nine during clean down. Music blared and they sent Sweeps to the bodega down the street with strict instructions to come back with wine. By midnight, everyone had left for the day except Syd and Nat who’d taken up their usual table in the restaurant. Nat sat with her feet up on Syd’s lap and they both nursed tall stemmed glasses of wine.

“I’m so fucking tired.” Nat mumbled sleepily.

“Don’t drive, I’ll book you an Uber.” Syd reached for her phone and went to pull up the app, seeing a message from Carmy as she did so.

22:25 Fak said you’re the dream team. Told me not to bother coming in Monday?

She booked a ride for Nat and was about to respond to the message when they heard the back door.

“You’re still here.” Richie grinned through the window from the kitchen,

“Syd’s just got me a ride, I can’t drive back.”

“I’ll take you.” Carmy followed closely behind Richie.

“I’ll take the Uber for myself then.” Syd smiled, happy to not have to consider the L for a change. “How’d it go?”

“No complaints. You?” Richie pulled up a chair the other side of Syd and nudged her,

“No complaints. Less shouting.” She ribbed him.

“You missed me. Both of us, I bet.” He pointed,

“Keep telling yourselves that.” Syd replied with a glint, catching Carmy’s eye over Richie’s shoulder. She'd managed to put the kiss to the back of her mind all day, grateful for once that he hadn't been around to remind her of it every passing second. Outside, the Uber made itself known. “C’mon mama, home time.” She moved Nat’s feet carefully from her lap and pulled her friend to standing. “I’ll swing by and clear this up in the morning.” She gestured around her at the couple of glasses.

"Monday, we'll do it Monday." Carmy confirmed. Nat grabbed her bags while Richie went to lock up the back.

“We missed you little brother, but fuuuuck we were so good!” Even through exhaustion, Natalie sounded jubilant, "you shoulda seen us!"

“I knew you would be.” He replied with a smile, eyes on Syd.

“See, you were stressing for nothing. Like Fak said, we’re the dream team,” she shrugged, trying not to crumble under the intensity of his gaze. “I gotta go before this Uber driver murders me cos I took too fuckin long. See you guys later, bye Rich,” she called out to the kitchen.

“See ya, Syd.” She tried to leave with just a wave but Nat pulled her into a bear hug,

“You were amazing! Can we do girls night next week?”

“Yeah, sounds good. Get some sleep, Nat.” The women parted and Syd found herself swept up by Richie instead, coming in from the kitchen. She moved to give Carmy a one-armed hug but he wrapped around her fully.

“Thank you for today,” he said quietly into her ear.

“Night, Carm.” She tried to play it off like the open door and the cool fall air made her shiver, rather than his breath against her neck. Once she was in the car, she let out the breath she’d been holding. She held her phone in her hands, a habit picked up from years of needing to fake phone calls when being driven around late at night by a stranger. It vibrated in her hands with a picture and a message from Nat.

Home to my baby, thank you for looking after me today ❤

My favorite Berzattos - anything for you xo

Favorite. Sure, sure. ILY.

She shook her head with a smile. Her bond with Natalie had become one of the most surprising yet brilliant things to happen since she walked into the tomato splattered kitchen and saw a pile of cash on the floor. They fell into an easy friendship, and soon enough, Carmy wasn’t the only thing they had in common. She thanked the driver and stepped out of the car, her phone going off again. Carmy.

You get back ok?

Just got in. Going to sleep for 12h, eat, and then sleep again.

Her message got a thumbs up in response, and she wasted no time in doing exactly as she said she would.

When she stirred on Monday morning, it wasn’t to the sound of her alarm. She had no idea what had woken her, but it was early enough to still be dark outside. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she first assumed she'd had a nightmare. She took deep breaths to settle herself, trying to remember the dream. She'd been at work, in the walk-in - locked in like Carmy had been on opening night, but she hadn't been alone - and she'd locked it herself. She had her back pressed up against the cold door and Carmy crowding her, with one hand on her hip and the other at the nape of her neck. He was whispering in her ear something she couldn't quite make out, but the memory of how it had made her feel was all coming back. The way his lips had grazed her skin, his encouraging kiss. She closed her eyes and let her memory and her hand wander, wishing she could remember his words. She focused on how his hands had felt, fingertips finding the hem of her t-shirt and the delicious warmth of his palm on her breast. She nudged her underwear to one side and ghosted her index finger over her clit, 'I want to give you everything,' he'd said, 'you don't know what you do to me'. The dream was fading fast, leaving her tense and desperately seeking release. Her fingers moved on autopilot, she'd been single for a long time, knew the most efficient ways to get herself off, but it's just not… working. She couldn’t get there, thoughts of Carmy are too fresh in her mind, and it's like her body knows she could never come close to comparison by her own hand, so stubbornly gives up instead. With a groan of frustration, she threw back the covers and decided to head to work instead. She picked up breakfast on the way - sticky, sweet Portuguese tarts and fresh coffee beans. Surprisingly, she's not the first one there. The restaurant had been cleared of the wine glasses and plates she and Nat had used on Saturday, and music played from the radio in the kitchen.

"You're early," he greeted, "I was making breakfast."

"Couldn't sleep. What'dya make?"

"Eggs benedict. What's in the bag?"

"Portuguese tarts." He took it from her and replaced it with her coffee cup, "breakfast dessert. Thank you."

"Every meal comes with its own dessert?" He grinned,

"Now that's the dream." They ate while standing at the expo, she begrudgingly admitted that his hollandaise sauce was the best she'd ever had, and it had made him cocky until the Portuguese tarts had finally shut him up. Neither of them mentioned the kiss.

"How traditional do you want it to be?" He asked, bringing up the festive menu.

"Is it Scroogey to say not at all?" She mused, taping her pen against her mouth.

"The holidays aren't exactly my favorite time of year, so I'm gonna say no… customers though?"

"They want to be slapped in the face by the holidays. They want synthetic pumpkin flavor pumped into every liquid available."

"We'll make that a Marcus problem." He grimaced, "synthetic pumpkin?" She laughed,

"No, no I'm getting there. How about Tandoori Plaice and spiced Pumpkin as an appetizer?" She scribbled down ingredients, marking the ones she knew they didn't have to hand. "So it's like a spiced soup, with a gorgeous piece of fish on top, charred seeds and a little pumpkin oil?"

"Sounds fire, Chef." As usual, she was suckered in by his easy, generous praise. "Oysters?" He asked,

"Dude, no. Oysters?! Are you gonna spend the next four months shucking them? Cos I can't do it for shit, I nearly cut my fucking hand off last time I tried. I hate doing them."

"You need a better fucking teacher then."

"Fine, we'll get some and you can show me. But if I lose my hand I'm definitely blaming you." She pointed her pen at him,

"Heard. I promise I won't let you lose your hands. They're too valuable."

"They're not always that cooperative." She muttered, thinking back to earlier in the morning. They passed more ideas around throughout the day as they were joined by everyone else. “Hey, can I take Saturday night to hang with Nat?”

“Sure. We could do the menu at hers on Sunday? Cook everything, finalize it?”

“Yeah, that would be pretty great actually - helps her feel involved.”

“Heard. I’ll call her.” His hand brushed across her back as he moved behind her to get to the office. Syd was still staring at the door when Tina called out to her,

“¿Ves algo que te gusta, cariño?”

“Fuck off, T.”

~~~~~~~

#the bear fx #the bear #the bear fanfic #the bear fanfiction #carmy x syd #carmy x sydney #carmen x sydney #syd x carmy #sydcarmy #syd adamu #syd x carmen #sydney adamu #sydney and carmy #sydney x carmy #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #carmy the bear #chefs kiss #charged and sexy

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majicmarker · 7 days

Note

Hi hello just popping in to say I just stumbled upon your hellcheer sex shop au and um it might be the best thing I've ever read and will now proceed to read mmmm everything you have for them bc I LOVE your style of writing, and your characterization, and the format of texting is done so well, and everything is just pitch perfect and so fun and virgin demisexual eddie munson is,,,so special 2 me and ok gonna stop rambling now I hope you have the loveliest of lovely days💕💕💕

first of all, bc i am opportunistic (and that's simply the only way to ever get this done), if u think the fic is good... the book is even better (i mean. maybe? that's objective and probably dependent on if you prefer your romance spicier or less so. i like the book better since it's more in line with what i wanted to do with my stories from working at the shop, but anyway...)

this is so so lovely and i appreciate u to the moon and back 🌙💫 that fic really did help me work out a lot about what i wanted to do with my originals, so it will always be very up there in my personal favorites, and it's always The Best to hear what readers love about your writing <3

((ps if ur the ao3 commenter who complimented my use of italics and sentence structure in dialogue, i am in even MORE love with u.))

#:D #thecryptkeeperskeeper #and while we're on the subject i love writing demisexual virgin mmcs #the latest one was supposed to be just a straight guy but i'm pretty sure he accidentally became demi #i'm not sure i'm capable of writing straight ppl this always happens #ask #kattyshack fic

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yv17 · 2 years

Text

a/n: i'm a simp for yoon jeonghan. that's it. also i feel like this came out a bit spicier than i initially wanted it to be (it was supposed to be fluffy, I SWEAR), but i'm still lowkey satisfied with the results.

[1:17] "hey! you cheated!"

you yelled out, your finger pointing at the cards in front of you. you knew your boyfriend loved cheating whenever he played any game with his bandmates, but to cheat during uno? the audacity.

"come on, sweetheart" he said, giving you the usual sly smirk that you were just too familiar with "why would i cheat at something as simple as uno? i can easily beat you without doing that."

you tilted your head, scoffing "then stand up and take out the card you're currently hiding under yourself, hannie." his smile only grew at your words, seeing how much you wanted to prove that he tried to cheat "i literally saw you hiding it."

he pretended to look dumbfounded, looking at you with big eyes "i have no idea what you're talking about. i'm sure you just imagined something here."

you furrowed your brows, earning a small laugh from jeonghan. he loved seeing you getting worked up over things like that, trying yout best to prove your point, to prove that you were right. and as with every other situation like this, you were going to do it.

you quickly found yourself next to your boyfriend, tickling him down to try and move him from where the uno card was hidden. his loud laugh echoed through the apartment as he tried fighting you off, his attempts somewhat successful. well, that is until he accidentally pushed both of you off the couch and onto the floor, almost landing on one another, faces just millimeters away.

jeonghan smiled looking down at you, holding himself up as to not smash you with his body. his eyes trailed down to your lips for a second, coming back to meet your eyes after mere seconds.

and next thing you knew, your lips were on his, moving slowly against eachother.

"you know, if you wanted to kiss me this badly, you could've just asked, sweetheart" he said in between the kisses, and you could feel the grin on his face. you broke the kiss, due to jeonghan's displeasure, and brought your hand up, holding the uno card he previously hidden, a proud smile on your face.

"that's what i originally wanted" you said, your eyes dropping down to the card for a second before looking back up at jeonghan, who seemed quite impressed that in all this mess, you still managed to prove your point. "but i'm not gonna lie, i got something better out of this."

"then" he started, moving his face so that it'll be just centimeters away from yours "shall we continue?"

"with great pleasure, hannie."

taglist: @honey-choi @moonarix <3

>> main masterlist

>> svt masterlist

#kpop x reader #seventeen x y/n #seventeen x you #seventeen x reader #seventeen scenarios #seventeen blurbs #jeonghan x reader #jeonghan x you #yoon jeonghan x reader #yoon jeonghan x you

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yeslieutenant · 2 years

Text

I Can Fix Your... Form

A/N: Thanks friends, for this lovely image that invaded my brain and wouldn't let go until it was done. @lorebite I blame this on you.

Warnings: Smut (P in V), teasing, praise kink, guns (not in a sexual way), instructor/student kinda? They are both legal obviously. Outdoor sex, oh boy this got way spicier than I originally thought it would be.

Word Count: 3,600

“Come on, Y/N. Wouldn’t wanna be late for class,” Dad says with an overexaggerated wink, pulling the door open like it weighs nothing. I roll my eyes, following him into what looks like a photography studio. My eyes scan across all of the baby pictures around the room, and I look at my dad, concern filling my eyes.

“Relax. The instructor borrows the space from his sister. She’s a newborn photographer.” I release a sigh I didn’t know I was holding as I trail behind my dad. “Jason fucking Kolchek, look at you.” He says, and he reaches forward to hug a man I have never met before. The arms that go around him are tan, and it’s hard to miss the tattoo that draws my attention, resting on his forearm like a painting. He’s taller than dad, only by a little, but enough to see the grey of a baseball cap covering up what looks to be dark brown hair. They pull back, and as the man speaks, butterflies erupt from my stomach at his deeply accented voice.

“It’s been a long time Captain L/N. How are ya?” He says, and I don’t need to see his face to know he’s smiling.

“I’m alright. Renewing this damn permit,” my dad says with a laugh, before moving to the side, gesturing to me. “And helping my daughter get hers finalized.” The moment my eyes meet Jason’s, I feel a gasp leave my throat. He’s got the cutest pair of dimples that are poking holes in his cheeks, and his pink lips are pulled back in a tender smile. His brown eyes catch the light as he moves forward, offering me a hand to shake, and they catch the small slit of sunlight filtering through a crack in the blinds and his eyes light up like the color of amber whiskey. I snap myself back into reality and reach out, gripping his hand in mine and he gives it a firm but gentle shake.

“Pleasure to meet you,” I thought just listening to his accent was great, but hearing it directed at me? Fuck. He releases my hand, dropping it back to rest on his hip casually before continuing. “Your dad showed the whole unit pictures of when you graduated, he was so proud of you.” Dad gives guilty smile before speaking.

“Gonna run to the bathroom. Be right back hon.” My fingers curl around themselves, anxiety spiking at my dad leaving me with the handsome man, whose gorgeous brown eyes are still trained on me.

“He only showed us cause of proud he was, honestly.” Covering for my dad now too? I chuckle nervously again, a small smile pulling at my lips.

“So any entire unit of marines saw me at 22 in that awful cap and gown?”

“Nah, I think you looked cute.” He admits, his eyes not leaving mine. I feel the red rush across my cheeks and nose, and the words catch in my throat. I let out a small cough, in a futile attempt to free them, my embarrassed smile hiding behind my closed fist. “I’m Jason Kolchek, by the way.”

“Y/N L/N,” I mutter, about to say more when my father walks back up, definitely taking notice of my bright red cheeks.

“You over here embarrassing my daughter, LT?” He jokes, clapping his hand down on Jason’s shoulder.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Captain,” now it’s his turn to be a little embarrassed, a light dusting of red flashing on his own cheeks, giving me a glimpse of the light freckles that also rest there. “Alright, I got a class to run. Why don’t you take your daughter and find a seat?” He’s the instructor? Oh, fuck me.

*****

After 4 hours of listening to Jason speak, answering questions with his drawl and small smiles, I feel like I need a change of underwear. He’s been sending me little winks and picking on me for questions, mischief all but glowing in his eyes, and I am pretty sure even dad has taken note, nudging me on the elbow when Jason calls on me and I was too lost in thought to notice. Jason wraps up, asking again, for the billionth time, what the basic rules of gun safety are. His brown orbs land on me, a sly smirk forming on his face.

“Ms. L/N. What are the 4 basic rules of gun safety?” He crosses his arms over his broad chest, pulling the dark green marine corps shirt taunt over his pecs. I feel a shiver run down my spine as I answer.

“1, Always treat a gun as if it’s loaded, 2, always point it away from people, 3, keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to fire, and 4, always be aware of your target and what’s behind it.”

“Good.” He says, and his smile reaches his eyes as he moves on; my brain still locked on the sultry deep ‘good’. The image of him, his arms on either side of my head, his hot breath hitting my ear as he mutters ‘you are so good for me, baby’ invades my mind and it takes everything in me to not drop my head to the desk and shove my hands down the front of my jeans.

Like a bucket of ice cold water, my dad places his hand on my shoulder, yanking me out of my fantasies rather abruptly. I look up at him, his eyes sparkling the same color as mine and I feel red wash over my face again.

“This is the fun part, kiddo.”

“The… fun part?” I ask, lust giving way to confusion.

“Now we hit the range.”

*****

We’re each being called in, one by one, and I wait in- what feels like- agonizing slow motion. Jason steps out, calling my dad’s name, and dad stands, squeezing my shoulder tenderly as he walks into the range. I replay his words in my mind, anxiety spiking as I realize I am the last one still waiting here. ‘It’ll be easy, Y/N. 20-30 rounds from 15 feet. He’ll just wanna make sure you know how to safely fire, reload, and fire off some more.’ I wish his words brought me some comfort. I sit in silence for a few more moments before I hear my name fall from Jason’s lips and see my dad shoot me thumbs up as he walks back toward me. I stand on shaky legs, walking toward Jason, who’s got a hand resting on the door frame to the range. My dad slips his safety glasses onto my nose, and places the noise cancelling headphones over my ears, and I adjust them so that they sit comfortably as I walk toward the marine. He gives me a sweet smile, stepping to the side so I can slip past him. He lifts a single finger, gesturing to the range, before opening the second door and walking toward the first stall. His hand lands on the small of my back, and I am sure my face pales so it appears that I’ve just seen a ghost. I sneak a glance at Jason and notice a small smirk on his features. Fucker knows the reaction he’s drawing out of me.

“I want you to unload the whole clip into the target, then reload, and then unload that clip as well, that okay?” I nod my head quickly, my motions feeling heavy and robotic. “I need to hear you say it, Ms. L/N.” His words are yelled, but because of the headphones, it feels more like a dull purr directly into my ears. I can’t help but imagine those words in a very different context.

“Yes, sir.” I respond, my voice shaking. Has it been too long since I last got laid? It hasn’t been that long, has it? He nods, the tiniest of smirks still on his face, and it takes all my strength not to roll my eyes at the way he seems to love the effect he’s having on me. He places the gun in my small hands, well, small compared to his, and I press my finger to the grip on the side of the trigger, my palms resting on the back and pushing on the safety there. I raise the gun, aiming down the sights at the black target, hoping to hell I can get closer to the little white circle in the middle than the white on the outsides. I move my finger to the trigger and take a small breath before squeezing the trigger, just enough for the gun to fire, and I feel my eyes blink closed in response. I hit the paper, but nowhere on the body of the fake paper man. I squeeze again. Now that I know how the recoil feels, I don’t need to close my eyes. I tell myself, and I manage to keep my eyes open as I fire off the remaining 17 shots before I drop my arms, pointing the nose of the gun into the wooden surface in front of us. I watch as Jason flips a switch, bringing the target to us so he can lean over and pull it off, examining how I did. He looks at me, almost, impressed, before he speaks again, reigniting the heat in my core.

“Good job, sweetheart. Now I want you to reload the gun, that clip right there is full, and then fire off that whole clip.”

“Yes, sir,” the words come without hesitation this time, and I notice Jason’s eyebrows shoot up, practically into his hairline, before I turn away, pulling the empty clip out of the gun before sliding the full one back in. I rack the shot, pulling the top of the gun back until it clicks, and I know it’s loaded and ready to fire. I glance up as the target slides back again, returning to 15 feet like it was before, before aiming and rapidly firing off the whole clip. The anxiety coursing through my veins is enough to make me want to get the hell out of this damn shooting range, and I set the gun down on the table, facing away from us, before I look at Jason, panic beginning to set in as he brings the target forward again.

“So Lieutenant, did I pass?” I ask, the heel of my sneakers bouncing up and down on the concrete. His chocolate brown eyes land on me and I see, rather than hear, a chuckle leave his chest.

“You sure as shit did. I’d work on your form, you had a couple clusters here and there that you’ll be able to fix by doin’ that, otherwise, you did pretty fuckin’ well.” He hands me the paper, and I hesitate for a moment, before deciding fuck it.

“Maybe you could show me.” Jason has the balls to look surprised for a split second before his eyes narrow, almost as if he’s gauging if I’m genuine. He must decide that I am, but he frowns, his lips pulling back in an annoyed grimace.

“I have somewhere I gotta be tonight, but how about I get your number, and then I can fix your,” he sends a wink my direction, laughing as my cheeks break out in a flood of pink. “Form.”

“Okay.”

*****

“Sorry, it’s not much, but it’s home.” Jason says, dropping his keys on the hard granite counter. I thought he was only going to be interested in one thing from me, but he took me to dinner, acting exactly like the perfect gentleman all evening. He told me he lives on a plot of land with his buddy Nick, who my dad presumably also knows, and they have a homemade shooting range in their backyard.

Jason slips his button down off his shoulders, leaving him in a tightly fitting white cotton shirt, throwing the discarded fabric over one of the high top chairs that is pressed against the counter, and I rip my eyes away from his figure as he turns back to me. His hands land on his hips and he shoots me that deadly smirk again before he speaks.

“Wanna go fire off a couple shots, baby doll?”

*****

The gun presses into my palms again, and I return to my stance as Jason watches me like a hawk. I fire off a shot before his hands graze my lower back and I gasp at the contact.

“Relax those arms, doll. You’re too tense.” His fingers wrap around my elbows, and the heat radiating from him presses into my back forces a shaky breath to leave my lips. Jason tugs lightly on my arms, dropping them just enough that I have a bit more freedom to shift them up and down. His voice is directly behind my neck as he speaks again, and I feel his warm breath travel straight from my neck into my already throbbing center. “Squeeze the trigger, babe.” And I do. The shot hits the target dead fucking center. “Good job, baby. You’re doing so well for me.” The words hit my ear, his lips grazing the shell and I set the gun down on the little plastic table as a strangled moan falls from my lips. My head tips back, landing softly on Jason’s shoulder, and his mouth presses a hot kiss to my pulse point. Another soft groan releases, and it’s almost impossible to miss the smirk against the skin.

“Jason, I thought we were shooting?” The words are mumbled, barely audible as he continues laving my neck with kisses and gentle nibbles.

“You think I didn’t notice the way those pretty eyes o’yours glazed over when I said ‘good’ to you during class? Or the way you all but jumped outta your damn skin when I led you into the range?” Fuck. “I assure ya doll, I noticed. And I think I’d really like you to show me just how good of a girl you can be for me.” Jason grips my hips before turning me around to face him before his lips land on mine. Well, I was right about them being kissable. My arms wrap around his neck, pulling him as close as physically possible as his tongue draws a soft line across my lips before I part them, allowing the muscle to tangle with mine. The sweet aftertaste of whiskey dances across my tongue and a moan falls into his open mouth. His hands land on my thighs before he lifts, placing me into the hard surface as his hips slot between my open legs. “Fuck, you weigh fuckin’ nothin’, baby girl,” He says against my mouth before he moves down, sucking marks into the soft flesh behind my ear.

“Throw me around then, Lieutenant,” the words break free before I can stop them, and he releases a groan against my skin. His hands fist in the soft yellow fabric of my sundress, tugging it up until my lacy panties are exposed to his hungry gaze.

“Fuck, I want you, but I don’t want you to think I’m some asshole who just wants to get his fuckin’ dick wet.” I grip his shoulders, pushing him back until his forehead is pressed tenderly against mine.

“Promise me a second date then, Jason.”

“Oh, I fuckin’ promise that. I wanna take you to this little diner over on mai-” But he doesn’t finish as I force him back into a hot kiss, my hand resting on the back of his neck, playing with the short hairs there.

“I think you asked me to show you how much of a good girl I can be, right, Jason?” He nods, lips still connected. Jason scoots me to the edge of the table, it rocking slightly at the movement, and his fingers slip into my panties, running along my slit before twirling a tight circle against my clit. I gasp, breaking the kiss as my head falls to his shoulder.

“Your moans sound like fuckin’ heaven, doll.” The words are more like vibrations that I can feel against my cheek, and his finger slides home in my opening, and I clench around it as his thumb continues working my clit. “You feel so good around my finger, baby. I can’t wait to feel you around my cock.” My chest rumbles as my pussy squeezes around him again, and his pumps his finger in and out, my moans increasing in pitch as the setting sun bathes us in a gorgeous orange glow.

“Jason, please, I want you.”

“Since you asked so nicely, baby.” The empty feeling is agonizing, and I clench around nothing as I watch his fingers fall to his zipper, tugging it down slowly, taunting me. I look up at him, my arms resting on the creaky table. I lean back and feel the still loaded gun beneath my back and shoot back up, almost knocking heads with the marine. “What?”

“We never moved the loaded gun.” I chuckle, and he drops his head with a chuckle.

“Some instructor I am.” He reaches behind me, and I notice his cock is rock hard, curving up toward his stomach as he removes the clip, pulling the top back to eject the unfired shell before placing the handgun in the case sitting on the stool beside the table. That’s kinda hot. When he turns back to me, his eyes immediately find that I have slipped my panties off, reaching forward to slide them into the pocket of his jeans.

“Hold onto these for me, babe?” He head rolls back, muttering something along the lines of ‘you’re trying to kill me doll’. He notches his cock at my entrance, rubbing along it for a moment, collecting some of the wetness there.

“Fuck, you’re so wet, baby doll.” He mumbles before sliding home, our groans mixing with the dusk air as my back arches, pressing my covered chest into his. “God, baby, look at you, taking my cock so well,” Jason’s words run straight into my ear, mingling with his labored breaths as he begins a steady rhythm. The way his cock presses into me forces the head directly across my sweet spot, and a squeak leaves my throat at the sensation. My fingers reach forward, gripping onto his shoulders tightly as his thrusts grow harder, his fingers returning to flick against my clit and the screech leaves my throat, my face pressing into his chest. The cheap plastic table creaks below us.

“Jase, this table may not hold.” I say through gasps and moans, his fingers still rubbing fast circles around my little button. Without hesitation, he grabs my ass, lifting me up and walking us over to a tree, pressing my back into the hard bark as he continues to pound. My head falls back against the rough wood as the angle changes, his tip slamming into my g-spot with each press forward.

“God, I want you to squeeze my cock, baby,” the words are less labored than I thought they would be, given the amount of exertion he is putting into this. “Come for me, please baby. Come around my cock.” His words are almost enough to set me off, but it’s not quite enough. He must be able read minds, cause his finger slides down, spinning fast, hard circles around my clit, and he speaks again. “God, you are takin’ my cock so good darlin’. Fuck, I wanna fill you up, pumping you full until you cream all over me.” The rough texture of the tree behind my back, Jason’s skill finger against me, and his cock pressing against every single spot inside of me is enough force a scream from my lips as I feel white hot pleasure course through my veins, my arms clinging tightly to Jason’s shoulders as he comes, pressing forward and spilling deep inside me. Thank fuck for contraceptives.

We come down from our respective highs, mingling breaths as his hands rest on my ass, holding me up against the damn tree. I start giggling, my head falling to his shoulder and I feel his chest rumble with his own laughs. He sets my feet on the ground and my knees wobble at the sudden weight, and he picks up the gun case, almost invisible in the fading light.

“Can I have my panties back?” He smirks, tucking himself back into his jeans before zipping his fly.

“I think I’ll keep ‘em for a bit, doll. After all, I’m hopefully gonna get the chance to take you in my bed, instead of some tree outside.” His hands rest on the small of my back, leading me back into the house, where we are met with a bit of an unexpected sight.

“Jason, you may wanna keep the screaming dow- Hey. Where do I know you from?” A man, assuming it's his friend, Nick, asks, and I shrug, not quite sure before Jason pipes up. I look to him as he explains and it’s then that I notice the deep crimson blush across his cheeks.

“This is Y/N L/N, Nicky.”

“Holy shit. You fucked Captain L/N’s daughter?” Nick laughs, crossing his arms across his chest before I break out in a fit of giggles. Jason looks at me, confused as hell before I finally calm down enough to explain.

“You’re gonna have to tell my dad.” Jason’s eyes show genuine fear for a brief moment before he crouches down, his shoulder lining up with my stomach before he throws me over it, carrying me down a hallway.

“Jason, what are you doing?” I ask through fits of giggles.

“If I’m gonna get killed by my captain, I’ll be damned if I don’t make it worth it.”

*****

Tags: @kawaiiwitch224 @yellowroseskolchek @house-of-kolchek @lorebite @buttermykolchek @kassiekolchek22

#jason kolchek smut #jason kolchek fanfiction #jason kolchek x reader #jason kolchek #house of ashes fanfic #house of ashes

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reidsaurora · 10 months

Text

Make. Me. Write!!!

i was tagged by: @writer-in-theory

Rules and Regulations:

Make a 24hr poll listing the titles of every WIP you want to work on (It’s fine if you only have one, still make a poll for the vote count)

Tag anyone you think might also enjoy this game (No pressure of course)

Whichever WIP title gets the most votes write 1 sentence for every vote. If it gets more votes than your comfortable with, feel free to swap to words.

If somehow that completes the fic or reaches the end of the chapter, move to the WIP with the second highest votes and continue where you left off on your sentence/word count. Repeat until you reach your goal.

(Optional) Share what you wrote in a new Tumblr post with a link to your original poll or attached it to a reblog

idk why but i feel the need to give a lil backstory or explanation of some sort for each one so you know what you're getting into 🫡

backstories and np tags under the cut 🫶🏻🧡

Cowboy!Steve Harrington wip

this one's self explanatory, you can go read the first three fics in this series over on my nsfw blog, @hornyhornyhimbos 🖤✨️

JBU (Reidaway)

so, i teased this series a little bit when SYGB ended but i never really fully committed to writing it because i have a set beginning but i have no clue what to do for the ending 😬

i'm not gonna spoil it because y'all know me, i'm a writer and i have to tease everything but let's just say it involves forced proximity, sorta work rivals to maybe lovers, and black cat!elle greenaway x golden retriever!spencer reid <3

Eat Your Young (Spencer Reid)

i can't explain this much other than that i was extremely h word when i came up with the plot for this and i was playing "Eat Your Young" by Hozier on repeat when it happened

I'm Too Pretty For This (Warren Rojas)

this was a request i got like two months ago when i first announced i was gonna be writing for DJATS characters and i got like two paragraphs in and i hated it so i never finished it 😂

basically something happens between the band members of the group that are opening for DJATS on the Aurora tour and it somehow makes their lead singer realize she might have a thing for Warren 😏

AFTR (Steve Harrington)

this will be my first serious Steve series. i know that the Loriverse exists and the Cowboyverse exists but this one is actually a serious series that i wanted to write for the summer and i just never did

a brief summary without giving too much away is that Stancy happens but doesn't last and somehow Reader/FMC (haven't decided which yet) ends up spending the summer as Steve's rebound of sorts?

LMLAF rewrite (Hotchniss)

so, a few of you may remember this series i posted back in February of 2022. i was extremely depressed and lonely so i did what any normal human would... i wrote a story about Hotchniss being friends with benefits.

however, that story was posted on this account, where I do not post smut. well, other than that one chapter of SYGB but we don't need to go there rn akshksjsjsj

anyway, basically this would be the spicier rewritten version of that where i don't leave readers in the dark about what went on between Hotchniss after Haley died ;)

All Your Being, pt 2 (Spencer Reid)

another fic i wrote where i tried desperately to keep things closed door until now when i decided i don't care about that anymore 😂

in case you guys don't remember this fic, i'll link it here but basically Spencer and midsized!reader have been together for six months but have yet to do the nasty because she's afraid of what he'll think about her body. this part two would basically just be him saying f!ck it and showing her that every body is a beautiful body 🫶🏻

Tolerate It (Spencer Reid)

just go listen to "tolerate it" by Taylor Swift. it would be easier for you to do that than for me to tell you about the dark sh!t that ensued in this fic... i was at my lowest low when i wrote this and you'll see that if i ever post it 🥲

well now that that's over with, how bout some no pressure tags!! 🥳🎉

@reidsbookclub @dungeons-are-too-cold @nomajdetective @bejeweledmunson @rupsmorge @reidselle @lukeclvez @lcvingprentjss @serenity-lattes @writingquillsandpainpills

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munchflix · 2 years

Text

MONSTERFUCKER TIER LIST

Munch: I think we should start with the classics.

Biscuits: That's all you have to say for yourself? I will say that I suggested this as a joke - I will take the blame, but I didn't expect Munch to go along with it. But now we're in too deep. We can't back out. I guess we're doing this. Do you want to delineate your parameters?

M: Yes, but know that I will probably break them. Also, you started this. My brain just wouldn't let go of logistics. 1 - they must be an ADULT. 2 - they must either have multiple iterations or movies. 3 - they must be ICONIC. I think we should start with the obvious - fuckin' Dracula.

B: Well, obviously S Tier, but do we need to expound?

M: I mean, there's been a billion versions, but they're all pretty sexy.

B: Hell, you seen the Coppola movie? Dracula and Johnathan Harker? I'd fuck them both at once.

M: Alright, then, moving on. We'll just go straight for the Wolfman. Or werewolves in general.

B: Obviously also S Tier. I'm not a furry-

M: *laughs*

B: Werewolves are hot. You don't have to be a furry to want to fuck a sexy wolf-man. I will stand by this claim.

M: Ok. *wheezing*

B: Stop laughing!

M: I'm not gonna argue with you. Moving on. Frankenstein.

B: The monster or the man?

M: The monster!

B: Ok. I mean, in the novel, he was quite well-spoken and supposedly attractive. M: Hollywood turned him into the cut-up amalgam with zero braincells.

B: Ok, himbo.

M: Definitely worth a cuddle. I dunno...I'd put that in A Tier.

B: I'll agree. Next?

M: Phantom of the Opera. I mean, depending on the version...

B: You're gonna sit here and try to tell me that you've not wanted to fuck the Phantom of the Opera for the last 25 years?

M: Nope. I'm not. S Tier.

B: Alright. Agreed. Moving on.

M: The Mummy

B: Now this is where things get interesting. He has been dead for like...hella long. I worry about the logistics, 'cause he's like dust. I mean, I seen the Brendan Fraser movie, Imhotep was not bad lookin, before he became a CG dead guy.

M: But we have to assume that it's the dead dusty version.

B: Again, I just think logistically, there's gonna be problems. C Tier? I feel like we have space to go downhill from here.

M: Did you wanna do the Creature From The Black Lagoon?

B: Sure, Guillermo Del Toro proved that it's hip to fuck fish.

M: I don't have any response to that. I'd rather fuck the fish-man from the Shape of Water? But I'd rather not fuck either of them. I would C Tier that shit.

B: You're being generous, C Tiering the fish man. But that just proves that we have lower to descend.

M: Now we're gonna get into the more slasher-y guys. Ok... Michael Myers. He's...just a dude. He's obviously built different, but appearance wise, he's just a dude.

B: I'm just imagining his DBD stun sound. B Tier. I could accept A Tier.

M: Rob Zombie Michael might be A Tier, that dude's a unit.

B: Are we classifying them separately?

M: Nah, let's put him in A Tier. Now, Leatherface

B: Again, there's been a number of versions.

M: I don't wanna fuck any of them! Even if he is just a dude.

B: The only difference is his mask is made of human skin. I don't think it's that bad of an option. If you wanna talk UNITS, remember Gunnar Hansen, who played Leatherface in the original, was like 6'7". BEEG boy. He seems like he could be gentle, if you asked him.

M: *dissociating* The human skin is a factor here.

B: You brought this on yourself. You invoked this. B tier? Ok, I don't think he's that far beneath Michael. Really. But I'll accept B.

M: Uhh...Jason

B: This one is a bit spicier. Jason has been everything from a deformed man to a lube-covered zombie to an evil terminator from the future. On the plus side, an infinite supply of lube from his algae-covered zombie body.

M: And yet...a shocking number of people want to buff this dude.

B: This isn't about a shocking number of people - this is about you and me, bro. M: The fucked-up thing is I'm going to be like, "I wouldn't fuck Jason but I would fuck Godzilla."

B: So I'm a furry, and you're a scaly.

(Dib: And God is...so far away)

B: Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks? Anyways, the point is, how fuckable is Jason Voorhees?

M: I'm gonna put that in C Tier. He's a zombie for too many movies.

B: OK. Fair.

M: Um...Freddy? I mean...he's charming?

B: Does him being a child molester factor in here?

M: Yes.

B: Well, he was only really a child molester in the remake. In the original he was just a murderer. They didn't really take that angle.

M: The remake doesn't count. Child murder still pretty bad though.

B: I hate to break it to you, but there's gonna be a lot of murder here.

M: Also, he's all burnt. And gross.

B: Motherfucker looks like Pizza Hut cheese sticks. Also, the claw might get in the way. Avoid the swipes. C Tier? B Tier?

M: Yeah, C Tier... Pinhead.

B: S Tier.

M: Elaborate on that?

B: No.

M: I agree. Okay, umm...Ghostface?

B: Ghostface is different people in every movie.

M: For the purposes of this, it is just the first incarnations.

B: Ok...but they are both kinda greasy and I don't want to fuck either of them.

M: All love to Matthew Lilliard, but neither do I. So...

B: C Tier. I'd rather not. I like how I have ranked Leatherface above two normal men.

M: Well, we both ranked Pinhead above two normal men too, so... Next we're gonna do my boy Candyman, who is obviously S Tier.

B: OBJECTION - the bees. Yes, he's handsome and all that, but the bees.

M: Get an epi-pen.

B: I suppose I will accept S Tier. Tony Todd is hot and all, but I still have apprehensions about the bees.

M: Umm...Pennywise?

B: Uhh...

M: If you're really into foreheads.

B: I'd rather not. Maybe this will be bad news for my ass. I think...I won't. Sorry, clown fuckers, you can have him. That's the end of discussion.

M: Jigsaw.

B: Well, he's old - not that that's ever stopped me - but he is also kind of dying of cancer.

M: Not to mention he puts people into deathtraps. Can you imagine the after-sex conversation with that guy?

B: It'd be interesting. I think the whole 'literally dying' thing might cause some problems, so...

M: C Tier?

B: Yeah, I mean, over Pennywise, definitely. Next?

M: Amanda Young - one of the few female entries on this list.

B: I love Amanda, she's my favorite character in the SAW movies. A bit crazy, but I mean, I'm also not really sexually attracted to women. But you could do a lot worse.

M: Honestly, I think her unconditional devotion to Jigsaw is gonna be the biggest problem here. I mean, I'n not particularly attracted to Shawnee Smith (and I am attracted to women), but...A Tier?

B: Sure, we'll be nice.

M: On that note, let's do the other female one - Sil from Species. Who is kinda verging into the monster territory. She was mostly human though.

B: I mean, Pennywise was also a shape-shifting monster. But he's a clown and Sil just looks like a blond lady most of the time.

M: A naked blond lady.

B: Well, she is really horny. That's kind of her whole thing.

M: And yet - my desire to fuck her is so low. Plus, we couldn't reproduce, so I don't think she'd have any interest in me.

B: Where does that put our lovely lady?

M: B Tier I suppose. Next...Hannibal Lecter?

B: Are we talking the movies or the TV show?

M: I'm gonna say both - separate rankings. They're so different.

B: Well Mads Mikkelsen's Hannibal is obviously top tier. He's also obviously a top, but we haven't been factoring that in thus far. The whole point of the show was that you wanted to fuck him.

M: Uhh, *I* haven't been factoring that in. But I would still put Mads Hannibal in S Tier. Anthony Hopkins Hannibal? I'd rather not. He's kind of greasy and sleazy.

B: Eh...yeah.

M: Norman Bates.

B: S Tier.

M: ...More for you.

B: All love to Anthony Perkins, rest in peace, he was very cute. I mean the whole mom thing...

M: Two words: Mommy issues.

B: How is that worse than bees?!

M: The bees are metaphysical.

B: So are the mommy issues.

M: Okay...so where are you ranking this dude? This sad, pathetic little wet man?

B: Still S Tier.

M: Okay, the Tall Man is still in the humanoid-ish category, though technically he's an alien...I think?

B: You could glean anything from any of those movies? Anyways, the guy bleeds mustard, so god knows what kind of fluids would come out of him during intercourse. I don't really wanna think about it.

M: I'm gonna put that in bad for my ass tier. The jawas might be involved. Alright! Let's do the terminator.

B: Well, there's been a lot of terminators.

M: The first one was pretty fuckable though.

B: Also, an indestructable robot from the future.

M: That's not a deterrent.

B: Ok, fair. S Tier?

M: S Tier. Okay..let's just throw Chucky in there and get it over with.

B: Yeah, this is gonna be bad for my ass. The mere logistics make this already a non-starter.

M: We know he's capable of it.

B: Unfortunately. Those movies really got fuckin weird, didn't they? Voodoo magic I guess.

M: And the Bride of Chucky - what was her name? Tiffany Valentine.

B: Also bottom tier.

M: I've had a crush on Jennifer Tilly forever, but not as a doll.

B: We're not going any further into doll territory. We're ending the conversation here.

M: However, we are going much deeper into monster territory. We're gonna start with the predator. Ok, I have some things to say here. I fucking love the design of this monster. It is so fucking cool. The version from Prey made me very happy, but I have seen some things on my tumblr though after reblogging some gifs of it. THINGS. You know who you are. I will say, before the mask comes off, he's not bad!

B: Just kind of a buff dude with scales. He's got claws, that's fine.

M: The mask comes off and then it's a weird bug alien head that is never coming anywhere near me or my genitals.

B: Predator is obviously a butterface.

M: I can see why you all get excited, but like...how are we reconciling the horrifying bug parts? You all are just down for that?

B: I never said I was down for anything.

M: Also they're kinda hellbent on killing humans, but there was that one Chad Predator in Alien vs Predator with Lance Henriksen. I'd probably fuck that Predator.

B: You've been complaining about predator fuckers but now we can't put that dude that low on the list!

M: As long as he keeps his mask on.

B: Michael Myers and Jason are probably also keeping the masks on.

M: That is a factor though. I'd be more likely to fuck Jason if I couldn't see his face. B tier.

B: I think there's worse options on this list.

M: Xenomorph. Okay so...canonically....in Alien 4.....Ripley fucks a xenomorph. It's not even that graphic. I know there's a lot of people out there who are way into this, I'm not really down that bad.

B: There's some people who wish Alien Vs Predator had just been a porno.

M: Again...it's a fucking cool monster.

B: That sounds like monster fucker talk to me.

M: I can appreciate the design without wanting to fuck it. Also....acid blood....so god knows what's coming out the other parts. It seems just like an all around dangerous situation.

B: Also kind of bloodthirsty alien monster.

M: I'd put that in bad for my ass tier.

B: The xeno doesn't pass the Harkness test. A lot of these don't.

M: The Predator could but we're not talking about that now. That's a whole other tier ranking. Are you in agreement?

B: Yeah, bad for my ass tier.

M: Pyramid head. Is that one word or two? I don't know.

B: He is canonically dummy thicc. Double cheeked up.

M: I think this gets into logistics again though. How would you even manage it with that thing on his head?

B: He really is just a buff dude with a giant thing on his head though. Just lay him down. Can Pyramid head even lay down?

M: See...this is what I mean. Supposing that it's logistically possible, is he fuckable?

B: I think he might also not pass the Harkness test. Does he have an intellect?

M: Why is this suddenly a factor? We never considered that before. Of course, most of them were humanoid or human so....I guess consent is a factor. SO....assuming he's consenting, and assuming it's possible....would you fuck Pyramidhead?

B: Why are you asking ME? Why is this burden on me?

M: Okay fine. I'd probably fuck Pyramid head. B tier.

B: He is conceptually just a buff dude with a pyramid head.

M: Pumpkinhead. Again...fucking cool creature design...I'm not fucking that thing. It is legit terrifying.

B: Kinda gross, not gonna lie. Not really any redeeming qualities.

M: Bad for my ass tier and I feel bad for that because he's very cool but....Okay....The Creeper. We're gonna pretend like the dude who made these isn't the grossest person ever. It's not relevant.

B: That's not what we're dealing with in this particular instance.

M: He's pretty wild. He's got wings, he can regenerate body parts, he's only active once every 23 years or some shit so you'd have to hit that while you could.

B: Well Pennywise is only active like every 27 to 30 years so...

M: I think he's actually more fuckable than Pennywise, but...he also has the gross bug face thing. Also eats people. Lots of people eating going on here. Mostly just looks like a dude in his normal state.

B: Not like insanely fuckable but...C tier?

M: Yeah okay. What's next? We're getting into some really weird shit here. Slenderman. He's been in a couple of films and they were all bad. But he's iconic. Does he pass the Harkness test? Probably not.

B: He's kinda of an amorphous folkloric character. We all know he lives in a mansion in the woods with Jeff the Killer and Eyeless Jack and all those other dudes from your spooky spaghettis.

M: *laughs* Spooky spaghetti??

B: You've never heard that before? Would I fuck Slenderman though? Well, everybody's crazy about a sharp dressed man.

M: He does have those tentacle things.

B: Is that a plus or a minus?

M: For me a minus, but there's also the child murder. Also the static and weird silence during sex would be so strange. Hard pass.

B: I'd rather not.

M: Same. C tier. The Thing, from the movie The Thing. We're gonna have to get into some logistics here.

B: It CAN take a human form, but I think it procreates just by cell division. I don't know if it would even be interested.

M: Procreation is not a factor. Would you knowingly fuck it in human form?

B: No, it scares me.

M: It would probably just eat us. So...no. Bad for my ass. Going even deeper...The Blob. Would also probably just eat you.

B: It's not gonna be that bad for your ass though, it's basically just jelly.

M: It's gonna be bad for every part of you! It's acidic! It dissolves people! And asses!

B: I think it's still gonna be bad for your ass.

M: Nothing really fuckable here though. It doesn't even have a shape. Bottom tier.

B: Okay....Godzilla.

M: S tier. Would absolutely fuck. I would die....but I would die having fucked Godzilla.

B: Why are you into this? This is still gonna be really bad for your ass though.

M: It's a risk i'm willing to take.

B: People are gonna think you're joking and you're not.

M: I'm absolutely not. Are we divided on this?

B: I think we're pretty divided on this. Both tiers at once. We've got some miscellany here. A couple of random ones. Bruce, the shark from Jaws. Reminder, Munch made this list. Anyways, the logistics are just not good. First of all, you're gonna have to get under the shark. You're gonna have to be underwater, holding on for dear life.

M: You suggested the shark. I'm with you on this. Also I don't want to fuck a shark.

B: It's not ideal. Bad for my ass tier.

M: Okay we're gonna give Nosferatu/Count Orlock his own thang. He's a very different version of a vampire. He is not what most would call sexy, but to each their own.

B: He's more fuckable than a shark.

M: Absolutely. There was the Werner Herzog movie that was kind of absurdly horny.

B: He's just a weird looking guy with big teeth.

M: He's fine. I'd B tier that actually, comparatively.

B: The Babadook from the movie, The Babadook. Who, from what I understand, is just kind of a weird goth guy with a big mouth and very long fingers.

M: The illustrated version of him was far more frightening. He did only have the one movie, but he's iconic. Also an LBGTQ icon so....I'd probably hit that. Like Pyramidhead, he's just a manifestation of grief so...

B: Funeral sex!

M: B tier? You could do worse.

B: A tier, he deserves it. Are we gonna do The Nun or just leave it?

M: I think we just leave it. How do we top the Babadook?

B: This whole thing has been about how we're gonna top the Babadook!

M: I feel like this is saying a lot of things about us that probably shouldn't be out there on the internet, but then again, we saw someone make a horny post about Bill Barr. I've seen some things on my feed that make me feel so very normal. So very vanilla.

B: We've seen things that people should have probably thought about before they put them out on the internet, and I write fanfiction. You have to write it out and then hit post. You have time to think about what you're saying.

M: Also, this is a COMEDY SHOW.

B: It's funny. Abs hurt from laughing at own jokes.

M: We're fucking hysterical, and apparently down for fucking some monsters.

B: We're down pretty bad. Munch and Biscuits out, yo.

#regret #tier list #monster #monsterfucker #munchflix #the five stages of grief #terato #dracula #werewolf #predator #pinhead #godzilla #slashers #COMEDY #THIS IS A JOKE

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