#this song speaks to me on levels i didnt thought anything could
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Pran's Growth : from pran-so-cool to pran-in-love
Since I did one for Pat I thought I should do one for Pran too although this one turned out slightly different than Pat's and far faaaar (im talking crazy levels of scrolling far) more detailed because i'm only human idk how to be brief about Pran FORGIVE ME.
Look at him he's my baby, i just CANNOT. So that now we have established that I have unexplainable levels of fondness for him, and so can only view his actions through love tinted glasses which means i'm basically Pat which means I'm super qualified to write this post, lets move on to what i actually wanted to say.
The first glimpse we get of Pran's mind (if you look in the chronological order of events in the show's universe) then its during his conversation with Pat where they discuss what song to perform for christmas.
Here we see the normally closed off Pran share his feelings (albeit about the topic of the song) with Pat with an ease that feels uncharacteristic of the Pran we come to see later. Because while Dissaya was still overbearing and controlling, Pran hadn't had to bear the worst of it yet. For a single child without friends that he could really open up to, it was natural for Pran to feel a pull towards Pat boisterous though he was, because he offered him a space where he could for the first time in his life open up in.
It could be argued that Pran didn't reveal anything to Pat (it could be argued otherwise too i will get to it soon) but for a person of Pran's nature, who finds expressing himself difficult the space Pat offered for him to express his creativity and his passion for music and song writing was by itself a lot. But it's not just that. Pran is not only talking about a random song is he? He is talking about putting his actual feelings into the song. How he likes the feeling of hesitation of wanting to jump in but being afraid to be heartbroken.
He is knowingly or unknowingly speaking about his own feelings with respect to Pat. I say unknowingly because it is hard to imagine Pran really revealing his heart like that if he really knew what he was going through at that very moment.
And how does Pat react to Pran's words. He pays attention, listens intently and encourages Pran's idea. Pran opened up and Pat let him and Pran actually felt great about it. Its one of the rare moments in his life where he could be honest about something so special.
And then Pat goes on doing random thoughtful acts like making the guitar pick out of his own ID just cos he saw Pran was struggling to play the guitar without it. He had nothing to gain and he still did that. He is nice to him. He says hi to him by the juice stand, he tells him he'd see him in the music room. Like he wants to see him there. Pran almost forgets their family feud. He was falling in love after all. How could he not?
The feeling being new to him, Pran like any teenager was curious to see what would happen?
What if I step closer? What if we spend more time together? What if i was more nice to him? Could something actually happen?
But then he sees InkPat in the music room and Pran loses the spirit he had suddenly gained.
Maybe not. Pat probably didnt feel the same way.
And then the bracelet thing happens.
Of course he didnt feel the same way.
And then the christmas show happens and they practice together again, they play music together again and music and his feelings for Pat have somehow been inextricably intertwined ever since that conversation they first had about the song. And so here he was finally singing the song in front of people, declaring his feelings out loud, and the crowd was actually cheering and grooving to their song and the whole vibe of it puts him in a space where he feels anything could happen and in a rare moment of indulgence he turns to smile at Pat while singing the song he wrote about them.
But then before he could even taste the feeling of freedom that that performance was potentially offering him, it all comes crashing down as he sees his parents standing in front of him, face aghast and anger writ large on it. And before Pran knows it he's shipped off to a boarding school away from everything he ever knew.
For any teenager that's a harsh change. For a neurodivergent gay introvert like Pran it would have been an even more isolating experience. Finding himself in an unfamiliar environment with no friends, no family and just a bunch of strangers, his only companions the anger and frustration at the whole situation at his mother and the boy who broke his heart (oblivious though he was of it).
How could Pran have let this happen? How could he have ever thought there was something there? And even if there was, that something could happen? How could he let him in? Of course it was gonna end up like this.
3 years at the boarding school pass and we can assume that Pran makes his own set of friends during this time. But we know that none if any are close enough for him to even bring up later on. Which means the one person who got him to open up, who gave him a safe space to talk and share feelings was still Pat. The one person he didn't have to be anything other than himself was, Pat. The only person who he ever felt comfortable enough to open up to was Pat. And Pran can't believe his terrible luck when he sees him stand across from him.
Unlike Pat who has seemingly gone back to acting like a spoilt child fighting for no reason who is trying to hold onto the person he had become the past 3 years when Pran sees Pat all his feelings come rushing back to him. Despite it all, despite the three years of gap where he swore to never let himself be in such a position again, the moment he sees Pat he is gone again. Because the three years felt like nothing suddenly. And he's once again standing across from the boy who broke his heart.
Why the hell did this have to happen? Out of all the universities he could go to, why this one?
And this time things are more conducive to their budding friendship. And Pat soon gives up his macho act and somehow keeps finding excuses to spend time with him. Of course Pran's feelings sprung back up in twice the ferocity.
His defences were still up but what the hell was happening?
Why is he helping him out for no reason? Why is he offering to do that? What the hell is being like this way for? Why is he smiling at his dimples like that? This possibly can't be real.
And yet. Day after day Pat keeps coming back and Pran's defenses are slowly threatening to come down and it's scary but its also exhilarating, but it's mostly scary.
And then he's proven right. To have been scared.
Because of course Pat never feels the same way. Of course he likes Ink. Of course that's what was happening all along. Silly Pran letting himself hope again. How foolish of him.
Episode 5 is Pran scrambling to pull back and secure his defenses, Pat is never getting through this wall again. He's done with this. He can't possibly be heartbroken over and over and over again for the same oblivious guy who probably has not a single clue what he's doing to Pran's heart.
And then the freshy night happens and then Pat acts a confusing combination of angry and hurt at the bar and Pran is supposed to be celebrating but he can't wipe Pat's betrayed face from his mind and then if that wasn't enough the confrontation with Wai happens and things come to a shrieking halt in the rooftop where Pran has finally had it. He tells him.
He finally lets it out, in the most Pran way he could at that point, telling Pat to not give him any hope to not do this to him. But instead of the final nail on the coffin that he expects Pat to hammer in, he knocks the winds out of him as he tells no, because no he actually does not want to be friends. He actually wanted what Pran wanted?
After all this time?
And then they step closer and wait for a while before Pat finally leans in, giving him the kiss that he had been dreaming about since god knows how long. Except the kiss is too short and maybe Pat had only that much to give, but Pran had years worth of love and want and longing he had been carrying around and he wanted nothing more than to let it all go. And so he does. He pulls Pat closer and gives him the kiss that he's been wanting to give him forever.
Pran tells Pat every single one of his feelings through that kiss. Because he was never going to ever be able to put them into words was he? But alas...if Pat wasn't putting the final nail on the coffin, then the wave of realizations that follow the kiss tells Pran that he needs to be the one to do it.
It's never gonna work out ever. This is the most they could ever have. And knowing that Pat returned his feelings doesn't make it any easier.
Because what the hell was he doing? Letting himself go like this!? Setting himself up for getting hurt again? Pat may have kissed him, but he liked Ink too didnt he? And even if he didn't any longer, their families hated each other. And the last time they knew they got close, Pran had to go through hell and back.
How could he do this to himself again? No.
It is over. It has to be over. He can't keep getting hurt again.
And he pulls back.
By miles. He is done letting his guard down and getting hurt and causing hurt. This is best in the long run. He should just stay away from Pat. No matter how much it hurt. It was never gonna work out anyways.
But then Pat comes back. Pran pushes him away. He has to give up at some point. He has to. Why would he keep coming back? But Pat keeps surprising Pran. He keeps coming back and butting in and being a pain in the ass and Pran is at his wit's end because he just doesn't know how much more he can withstand. He could see how much effort Pat was putting just to have a conversation with him. And eventhough he was staying away to protect himself he also thought he was doing it for Pat's sake too. That it was better for everybody in the long run. But Pat's steadfast efforts finally get to him.
He was still the one person in the world he could truly be open in front of. His defenses were somehow at his weakest. And sitting there on that beach dreaming of a reality where their parents don't have a life consuming feud going on Pran actually lets himself open up once again. After that it was just a matter of time before Pran was lured into the who falls in love first challenge bet. Bringing their love for competing with eo into this was the only way Pran could be eased into this.
Pat knows him so well. They've come so far. What the hell, he could win this challenge couldn't he? Pat followed him all the way to their hostile architecture trip didn't he? He would cave in.
Pat keeps surprising him though he keeps finding new ways to flirt and stump him, and Pran never to be beaten has a few tricks up his sleeve too.
Neither end up winning and things stay in that will they won't they when will they limbo and there was all chance of it continuing indefinitely and then Pat surprises him again.
He doesn't take Pran's easy out. Pran had basically offered to confess and end this bet. Pat was being handed an easy win. But he declines it. And then he surprises him even more by walking into the loss, showing up to play Kwan in a drama he didn't even need to act in, in a play he signed up for just to flirt with Pran and now the play he is offering to do, entirely and completely for Pran. At this point Pat really had the upper hand in the bet. And he still willingly volunteers to lose. He puts himself out there, knowing he will lose. Because on the other end of it Pat saw a relationship with Pran. Why prolong it any longer? And how could Pran not melt at that. Bet be damned.
And that's why he cooks curry for Pat and when Pat tries to eat it himself, Pran stops him, looks at him meaningfully and then feeds it to him, as if signalling to Pat that if you lost for me, i'm losing for you too.
And so they start dating. And Pran now has to get used to this feeling of his defenses being down. His vulnerabilities exposed and his heart basically out there to be hurt. It was absolutely terrifying. And he wouldn't have had the courage to go for it if Pat hadn't done what he did. Showing him that he valued Pran and his feelings over his own ego. Pat's consistency and sacrifice proved beyond a shadow of doubt as somebody Pran could actually trust himself with. Over and above his overwhelming love for Pat, I believe it is that trust that helped him take that step.
And Pat keeps showing him every step of the way that the trust was given in safe hands. After every fight, every disagreement, they stop and they talk and they communicate. Pran asks for time. Pat gives it. Pran asks him to keep it under wraps. He's okay with it. Pran compromises on a lot of things himself. He steps out of his comfort zone, willingly does things he wouldn't have dreamt of otherwise just to make Pat happier.
Because he realizes that if the relationship has to work, they both need to put equal effort. By being with Pat, Pran while being in a safe space gets to open up his heart in ways he would have been afraid to otherwise.
It is implied that Pran is the one who cooks for both of them, he leaves cute notes to make Pat smile when he's upset, he does random thoughtful things like putting the paste on the toothbrush for a waking Pat, he hurries home immediately to comfort an upset Pat, and even if it made his friend mad he still showed up to practice sessions and games because he wanted to support Pat and be there for him.
When Wai outs them it is the tremendous trust that he has in Pat and their relationship that helps Pran go over to assuage Pat and helps them get through it together. Every step of the way every block in the path they handle it together. His trust in Pat, his belief in their love growing more and more.
And that's why when Pran sees that Pat is quite serious about staying on at the beach, despite his reservations and fears and wanting to be there for his mother too he still goes all in. Of course he does. Of course he goes all in for the boy he has loved ever since he knew what love was. The one person who kept showing up over and over. The only one who he had complete and utter trust in, to be there for him.
Because finally, finally Pran could see what he couldn't even dream of when he was young and a life he didn't dare let himself think about in their few months of relationship. A life with Pat, the kindest warmest love-shaped boy he knew, no matter how silly he could get, he would always want to be there for him, with him and he no longer felt like he had to clutch onto his defenses like they were the only thing he really had, because no? He had Pat didn't he?
The only person who knew what it was like being in Pran's shoes, and who loved him nonetheless and maybe even all the more because of it, the way Pran did with him, because he knew Pat would never hurt him knowingly.
He could do this.
He could do this with him.
His belief in their love, his trust in their relationship, the commitment that Pat expressed to him in that conversation, ensured that no matter what challenges came up later in their fake break up era, things would still be okay. It's because of that faith that Pran knew that he could afford to go to Singapore for a couple of years and they would remain strong though it all because of that assurance and confidence he felt in himself, in Pat and this relationship that they had nurtured and cherished.
We see him grow up from a boy who was scared of feeling things to a boy who was brave enough to overcome that fear to let himself be open to hurt to crying in the arms of Pat, letting himself be his most vulnerable to braving hurt to fighting for what he loves and doing what he feels is right.
We see his growth from when he went from being afraid to express his feelings to expressing that in actions and then in words and asking Pat to do the public confession and writing a song for him and asking him how good he was in bed and demanding Pat call him sweetly.
Unafraid of his wants or desires and no longer averse to expressing them. We see him growing beyond childish hijinks to buying a gift for the man who had once hurt his mother, because two things can be true at once ( Ming was an asshole, but he was still Pat's father). He was building a life with Pat, and a meticulous planner like Pran was obviously not going to leave his relationship with his future father in law to chance.
And that's my take on how Pran went from "You still owe me" to "Every time i'm near you, nothing good happens" to "Can you please stay away from me?" to "You know that fact (that you aren't my friend) now leave" to "Someone like you what's to like?" to "You've got to stop doing this to me Pat" to "Why start when you know how it's gonna end" to "It's the kind of relationship i always avoid" to "I care about you more" to "if you want my hand be brave" to "If i do that (thinking of it as a song for Pat) then how can i ever really quit" to "Being with you already feels like freedom" to "We like each other. Why does it bother anyone?" to "I can be anywhere as long as i have you" to "I wrote this song for him." to "Give it to him for me" to "If not you i won't allow anyone else to use it" to "Call me nicely" unafraid of expressing his feelings and desires, heart more open and loving than the one he started off with.
To conclude and in short throughout the show the growth we see in Pran is perfectly illustrated in his password change from the Pran (who was uber protective of his own self and was emotionally repressed and closed off trying to appear cool and unaffected) of Pran So Cool to the unabashedly in love Pran (having made rapid progress in expressing his feelings and braving fears) of Pran in Love, and it's Pat's love and kindness that helped him along the way.
The world didn't change him. Pat's love did.
#bad buddy#pran x pat#pran parakul#bad buddy meta#patpran#bad buddy brain rot#bad buddy the series#i may have projected a bit#okay a lot#but im also probably right
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ivy, chamomile, aloe Vera
(Hi m!!! <3)
omg hi dev hiiiii !!!!!!!! <33333
ivy: what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?
oh god. difficult question right off the bat. head in hands. so. i'd say maybe the level of silence/partecipation in the conversation? when i'm happy i'm very chatty. while every "negative" emotion makes me more and more quiet and closed off. when i'm genuinely annoyed/angry i stop speaking at all (not on purpose). that's the biggest tell i can think of, especially bc i try to hide what im feeling most of the times but i cant really control that part
chamomile: what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts?
i like gifts that show that the person knows me and actually thought of me when choosing it. i dont really care about anything else. many years ago i was on a teen wolf kick and i guess i talked about it a lot and at christmas my family got me two pillowcases with images of the cast/characters, out of nowhere. objectively really awful pillowcases, terrible quality both of image and of fabric, i could not sleep on any of them and i didnt have an extra pillow to put them on. yet when i opened them i was so overwhelmed with love i nearly cried and even now if i think about them i get emotional. could be my favorite gift ever. this to say that it literally doesnt matter anything but the thought. when you people send me or tag me in posts that made you think of me, those are actually treasured gifts to me. it's that simple, really.
aloe vera: what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?
oh so so many things but i guess. a breakup. this sounds so stupid and insane even to me writing it and it's something so common and there are million songs about that heartbreak and it's not that it sounds like a fun time or anything. but still. i want the good and the bad. and i guess it's really about what it entails: feelings
#hello!!! how are you!!! i miss you!!!!#i hope everything is going well and that we'll find some time to chat soon <3#thank you for asking :)#asks#dev 🧿
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i like you so much, you'll know it
ft. kageyama tobio, semi eita, iwaizumi hajime x fem!reader
genre: fluff (prompts are based off lines of the song)
masterlist
a/n: from the c-drama a love so beautiful :) i wrote this at like 4am so sorry if its crap haha. not proof read either. also, sorry in advance if they're too ooc lol im a mess rn.
» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆
i like your eyes, you look away when you pretend not to care i like the dimples on the corners of the smile that you wear. i like you more the world may know but dont be scared cause im falling deeper baby be prepared.
» today was your first day at karasuno highschool. honestly, you were so scared. that was up until you found out kageyama was going too.
» the two of you had been childhood friends due to each others grandparents knowing the others. you had been with him through his ups and downs. his victories and defeats. almost everything kageyama did, you were there with him.
» actually, you didnt know kageyama was going to karasuno until you walked outside your door to find the raven haired boy in the same school uniform as you
» "tobi? you never told me you were going to karasuno?" giving him a side eyed grin. "i thought you were planning on going to aoba johsai like oikawa senpai and iwaizumi senpai"
» you viewed kageyama as someone who expected others to reach his level in order to be a good match for him. he had a strong head on his shoulders. naturally gifted in volleyball, like everything was given to him on a gold platter. of course, he wasnt perfect and thats where you come in and keep him level headed. helping him understand his faults and weaknesses as well. doing your best to encourage the setter
» he let out a sigh. a slight frown forming on his face. "i didnt get in.." he quietly said. "karasuno has a good volleyball team though and i can feel myself growing here" he stated bodly
» and boy was he right. something about kageyama did changd that day. he usually was so bitter and angry. a very pessimistic look on life if he and others weren't at the top. maybe it was the orange haired boy, hinata, that the setter and you became friends with. and maybe it was his great senpai's who were patient with him and gave him the opportunity to grow
» kageyama started smiling more often. his small unnoticeable dimples showing. he became kinder. softer. and more carefree. he was a growing boy both mentally and physically.
» what you didnt realize was that not only was kageyama changing, you as well, had something changing and growing in your heart.
» but kageyama noticed. oh boy did he really notice, the way you seemed to become happier and livelier by the day. how the stars sparkled in your eyes when you talked about something you enjoyed. the kind of perfume you would wear and how you would tie your hair differently each day. the weird trinkets you just seemed to love that decorated your bag. but most importantly, how much bigger your heart has become, loving everyone and their faults. always encouraging and motivating him and his team.
» was she always like this? he would constantly think to himself. all of a sudden being hyperaware about you... but he would NEVER let you know that, let alone his senpai's. it was just too embarrassing. just thinking about the never ending teasing he'd get from tanaka and noya senpai made him shiver.
» all of these things he felt about you hit kageyama like a truck the day everyone started to wear their winter uniforms.
» picking you up to walk to school together was a normal thing since the two of you lived close, but how was kageyama suppose to do this now when you're standing in front of him. thigh high socks to keep your legs warm, an oversized jacket that you had borrowed from him a while back you forgot to return. white mittens to cover your cold hands and the slight blush on your face from the wind chill.
» "does it look weird?" you shyly asked. kageyama was silent. "ah.. give me a second. I'll go back in and change real qui-"
» kageyama tugged on your hand. "its fine. lets just go to school or we'll be late." refusing to look you in the eyes. heat rising to your cheeks as tobio dragged you along with him.
» your feelings for the setter had blossomed over the past few months. falling deeper and deeper into him, and at this point you felt like you couldnt hide it anymore. you just had to tell him. tell him all the wonderful things he's done. the way he's grown and how much he means to you.
» "tobi..." your soft voice spilling out. eyes closed, the fog of your breath coming out as you exhaled. "i lik-"
» you felt something wrap around your neck. "wait y/n..." kageyama spoke, interrupting what you were about to say. not gonna lie, you felt like your heart was about to be shattered like ice eventhough kageyama continued to wrap his scarf around your neck.
» "dont say it..." he quietly said as he began to walk forward without you.
» ah... is this what rejection feels like? i didnt even get to say it properly... your hands felt colder now that kageyama wasnt holding them anymore.
» he took a quick glance back at you. blush on his cheeks. "be prepared because i want to be the one to tell you first."
i like the way you try so hard when you play ball with your friends. i like the way you hit the notes in every song you're shinnin' i love the little things like when you're unaware, i catch you steal a glance and smile so perfectly
» semi eita, your 3 year heart throb from the moment he first spoke to you.
» at first, you had suppressed these feelings, telling yourself he would never look at you the same way. but something about the blonde tsundere struck a chord in your heart that you just couldn't forget.
» the two of you ended up becoming friends. closer than you had actually imagined within these past 3 years. doing everyday life with you. waking up and saving you a spot at breakfast. helping you with your studies in exchange for being his workout buddy and motivator.
» semi kept his tabs on you. your likes and dislikes. the things that made you smile and the things that made you groan in disgust, but he would never let you know that.
» to semi, you were his breath of fresh air. the song he has on repeat everyday. the kind of person who would keep him on his toes. in a good way of course
» "oi what are you daydreaming of this time?" semi asked as you zoned out while drinking your carton of strawberry milk. "hm? oh nothin. just thinkin about whats in store for us today!" reaching your arms above your head letting out a stretch. "i just know for a fact. today is gonna be a good day." semi chuckled at your optimistic claim. "how do you know for sure?" "i dont know how. i just do" you replied with a smile on your face.
» today, shiratorizawa had a practice match with aoba johsai and today, eita was picked to be in the starting line up. the pure joy that radiated from his body. maybe today was a really good day just like how you had said.
» semi took a quick glance up into the stands, you gave him a thumbs up and wished him good luck. his smile was brighter than you had ever seen it and his eyes shined like stars. he always told you that whatever chance he got on the court, he would be sure to not let his team down no matter what. he was in his zone. playing his best and sure enough, they had won all 3 matches.
» after practice, semi and you would hang out at his dorm afterwards. he liked to show you all the new songs he was working on. whether it was a cover or a song or a song he was writing on his own.
» the two of you leaned against the wall as you sat on semi's bed. his sheet music all sprawled out before him on his bed sheets. guitar in his arms and you beside him.
» "what are you working on semi?" "a song" "well obviously dum dum" you laughed, reaching out for a paper in front.
» "so who's the special lady?" you teased him as you read the lyrics. deep down inside you could only wish these words were meant for you. a blush formed on eita's face. "just... shut up about it... its not ready yet"
» it was getting late and falling asleep at semi's place was a normal occurrence at this point. your eyes became heavy and your head started bobbing.
» "sleepy?" eita asked as he noticed your eyes drooping. "mhm. sing for me semi? please?" his voice was so soft like a mothers touch yet somehow had the power to pierce through your soul sometimes. although, it never failed to help you fall asleep when you needed it.
» hesitantly, semi started humming. softly speaking some lyrics here and there. you didnt know where the tune was from so you listened the best you could.
» "... till the last of snow dissapears ... till a rainy day, becomes clear. never knew a love like this, now i can't let go..."
» your eyes had closed. slumber taking over you as you fell onto semi's shoulder.
» "im in love with you... and now you know..."
» yeah. today was a good day. just like you said it was going to be.
in a world devoid of life, you bring color. in your eyes i see the light, my future. always and forever i know i cant let you go. im in love with you and now you know
» to iwaizumi, unlike volleyball, oikawa, maki, mattsun, school, anything life threw at him; you were the thing in his life that was constant yet at the same time a whirlwind of new beginnings. not in a bad way though.
» ever since you were kids, you showed iwaizumi the beauty in things he would have never guessed had. he was bold and tended to look over things without giving them much thought. his eyes straight ahead to the trials before him. you on the other hand, stopped him and slowed him down from rushing into them blindly.
» "every moment is precious. you should learn to cherish it because you never know when it's gonna be your last" you always said
» your views of the world were beautiful compared to how cruel it actually was. naivety maybe? or maybe it was just because you were blessed with a kind soul.
» iwaizumi always knew he had feelings for you. you had been with him through thick and thin. he could depend on you and you could depend on him. in his eyes, you were the most beautiful person on earth. deep down he had hoped the two of you could stay like that forever. nothing could ever change that.
» or so he thought...
» "iwa chan~ you owe me a meat bun" oikawa whined as the group of friends were walking to the gym for volleyball practice. "shut up crappykawa. i already bought you one last week" "oi isn't that y/n over there?" maki said, shaking iwaizumi's shoulder.
» sure enough it was you. apparently you had told iwaizumi to go ahead of you today because you had something to take care of in the afternoon. telling him you'd meet up with him after practice was over. not thinking much of it, he bid you a farewell and went on in his day.
» "oooou by the looks of it, this is the perfect confession scene" mattsun teased. "oi stop messing around" iwaizumi's voice hoarse. not gonna lie, iwaizumi felt his heart drop when mattsun said that
» the 4 boys crept closer to see what was going on.
» there you were, standing in the middle of a classroom with a black haired boy. "mhm. definitely a confession." oikawa stated. "shut up tooru we cant hear" maki retorted.
» you weren't considered popular in school but that didnt mean people didnt know who you were. iwaizumi knew you were gorgeous and on top of that, smart, kind and one of the sweetest girls, so it was only natural that people would be drawn to you.
» they watched as the boy got closer and closer to you. voices barely being audible to the 4 boys outside. iwaizumi's heart could bear to see this right before his eyes.
» without even thinking, his feet moving on his own, iwaizumi barged into the room. all eyes towards him.
» "iwa what are you-" without letting you finish, iwa dragged you out of the classroom. "iwa where are you taking me" asking him as he took you to who knows where, leading you up the stairs of the school.
» up on the roof, he finally let go. "sorry..." he mumbled.
» "sorry for what iwa?" "for ruining that confession... i just-"
» "you just...-?"
» "i just love you ok?!"
» your heart shook at the resonance of his voice. iwa liked you? he liked you back?! wait no- he loved you.
» you had loved iwaizumi from the moment you met him and as the two of you grew up, your love for him only grew deeper. he was the only one you'd ever look at. the only one who would ever cross your mind. you had hoped he felt the same about you but he was always so busy with other things you only felt like you would be able to support him on the sidelines as he faced the world head on like he always does.
» just being in iwaizumi's presence was enough for you. no need to be greedier, you thought. its good to be content with what you have, but just knowing that he shares the same feelings... its ok to be a little greedy right?
» your silence being louder than it should have been, iwaizumi took it the wrong way. "look I know this isn't the greatest confession. heck it's not even the way I wanted to confess to you, and get it if you like that other guy, you don't have to-"
» shuting him up with a kiss, you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in closer. needless to say, he was shocked, but embraced you as well.
» "you're overthinking too much iwa. that's so unlike you" you chuckled. his face bright red at the previous actions.
» "i love you. I've loved you for a long time actually. every single second. every moment we've shared. i cant picture myself with anyone but you hajime."
» iwa let out a sigh of relief. a smile being brought back onto his face. "good because all I know is that i cant let you go. in the past, present and even in the future...."
» the blue sky slowly changing into shades of coral warmed your heart even more on top of his sweet words that you've always longed to hear.
» "im in love with you, and now you know"
-» ˚⸙͎۪۫⋆
enjoy your order! have a great day!
#haikyuu x reader#hq fluff#kageyama tobio#kageyama x reader#kageyama fluff#semi eita#semi x reader#semi eita fluff#iwaizumi hajime#iwaizumi fluff#iwaizumi x reader#haikyuu fluff#yinny!drabbles
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watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.
feelings.
very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful
anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start
in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr
listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?
For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies
i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics
fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service
slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it
wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god wwx: :0
i lov them
through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart
in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back
my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think
no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD.
some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART
lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him
being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize
wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top
that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.
It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo, lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass, shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is, the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’, “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss
fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-
and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy
i have Learned. caves = gay.
accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)
the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it
early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin
EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it.
i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance
baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)
jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"
jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry
lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((
up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all
seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez
that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir
would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory LIKE
when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious
all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them
hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)
its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
they are SO insufferable pleeeeease
in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”
in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.
the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss
the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)
ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok
you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out!
jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)
i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha.
the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic
and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic
i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon
and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying*
The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears
wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh
me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”
its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE, and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ
everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice
ngl the sword flying looks very dumb
“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;
the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes
untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo
related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious
and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof
and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. )
highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.
lan zhans sad eyes tho :(((((((((
on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn
also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'
when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///
hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss
they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad
when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN
so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted
even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf
wwx: fucking w demonic energy jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)
the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid
wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)
LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k
take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood
zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth
cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!
wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn
everyone: brooding and fighting wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch??
showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no.
justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁
jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief
my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession
the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go.
“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”
"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd
also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. . . nice
yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON
they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((
wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer
both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w
;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all
wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience
the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected
on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY
lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;
they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together
also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy
wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg . spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation
did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins
jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;
i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . .
im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA
when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair
also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point
sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like ? ?
wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"
unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also so thrilling (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say)
and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris.
jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say
i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-
i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE
a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:
SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’
literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour
babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That
(not that the pain is over LOL)
lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’
“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......
and jiang cheng. being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance.
THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY
great now i made myself sad
and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all??? amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??
JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD.
and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it
enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏
jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him
babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future
one of the ?? things i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks
wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺
so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh
a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad
her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao
its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE.
like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby
and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???”
anjo sensato :(
xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...
the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof
song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn.
wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding.
THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change
should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells
the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is
u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever
BAT WEN NING
wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’
(they didnt) (yet)
DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.
i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again
also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever
mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy
also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious
i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something
jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he
the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock”
in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT
oh my god oh my god
the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead
lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞
also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck
i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...
poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'
ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth
wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face.
ME ON THE OTHER HAND"
the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*
"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard
not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho
i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...
re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?
idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling
i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again
jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god
and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night
i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not
jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'
the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl
never trust a dude with a fan.
nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself!
when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.
and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy
netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)
the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........
there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe.
that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities. *longest oh boi ever*
#m.#ANYWAY#ENOUGH TALKING#THIS IS SO LONG#LOL#but whatever this is MY performative journaling i do what i want#rambling impressions abt what i watch is a thing i do now? apparently??#cql#untamed#the untamed#fun fact that chat is named 'k keeps on babbling abt the untamed' and it STILL wasnt enough#also it took me 15 episodes to realize lwj was yibo#IT WAS V SHOCKING#i did not recognize him at a l l#but in retrospect he WAS the perfect choice
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My Plan
anon: hi could you do something alone the lines of he realises he's in love with you but he scared so hes really distant and you fight but then he finally tells you and it's all fluffy ty 💕hey i didnt know how to properly end it lol i hope you like it
wc: 1k
Your footsteps felt heavier and heavier as they approached the in-home studio. You could hear the instrumental the group was working on because the door wasn’t fully closed. Colson had been holed up in there for the past few days. But the amount of time he had been ignoring you, you couldn’t tell for sure.
You used to pretty much live in his house about a month ago. You had a toothbrush in his bathroom. Half of your clothes were here. Your hazelnut milk was in his fridge. But you slowly felt like he was pushing you away and you let him. You would go back to your dingy apartment in the morning, sometimes you would go back after he fell asleep. And he never complained.
Now you were gonna complain. You were going to fucking complain.
You nudged the door open and walked into the studio. Colson and a few other people were in there, but you didn’t mind. They could listen to what you had to say if Colson wouldn’t cooperate. “Colson, can we talk?”
“y/n.” Colson sighed, as if agitated. “I’m kinda busy here.”
“Yeah, and we really need to talk.” You stood your ground. You had let him push you away once, you weren’t going to let it happen again without answers.
“I’m in the middle of something.”
“Colson. We need to fucking talk.” You kept your voice level, but you knew the message was coming across.
Colson huffed and looked down at his feet. Everyone’s eyes were on you at this point, but you only looked at Colson. He looked up at you and sighed. “Alright, alright I’m coming.” He grumbled.
He got up and made his way to you, mumbling a ‘don’t wait up’ to everyone he was leaving behind. He made sure the door was shut on his way out.
“What, y/n? Can’t you see I’m busy? We’re working on the new song and we’re still not-”
“Colson, at this point I do not give a single fuck about what you’re working on.” You stated, clear that you wanted him to listen to you now. “You can’t fucking do this to me anymore. I’m not your toy. I don’t care if you don’t want a relationship, but you gotta tell me. You can’t fucking leave me hanging like this!”
“I-”
“No! It’s my turn to talk. You can’t expect me to come when you want and leave when you want for months on end. I have friends and work and a fucking life that doesn’t revolve around you! And a fucking apartment that I was going to move out of, by the way! I don’t know if you recall, but I was basically living here a few weeks ago. Now, you’re pushing me away and I don’t know why.” Your last few words almost came out as a whine. Your resolve was breaking and Colson could tell. Your cheeks were getting redder and your hands were shaking.
Colson looked at you, asking if he could speak. You waved your hand at him and scoffed.
“Look, y/n. I don’t know what you want from me. We were fucking when I wasn’t busy, and now I’m busy. You can’t expect me to wait on your hand and foot.”
“Oh, fuck you!” You glared at him. “You and I both know that wasn’t just fucking. And I don’t want you to wait on my hand and fucking foot. I just want you to talk to me, you asshole!”
Colson’s argument died in his mouth. You had hot tears rolling down your cheeks at this point. All because of him. He was speechless. You watched him look at you, gaping like a fish.
“You know what, forget I ever came.” You groaned, turning to walk away and leave this bullshit behind you.
“Wait!” Colson grabbed your arm, surprising both you and him.
“What the fuck, Colson.” You weren’t shouting anymore. You couldn't fight for him if he didn’t care. “You don’t want me here. I’m leaving. You don’t have to-”
“I love you.” Colson whispered.
With the look on his face, you almost thought you imagined it. He looked horrified. “What?”
“I’m in love with you, y/n. I’m in love with you and I don’t know what to do.”
You stood there, frozen. His hand still holding your arm tightly. So he kept going.
“I’m in love with you and it wasn’t part of my plan. Machine Gun Kelly wasn’t supposed to fall in love for a long fucking time. My brain won’t let me think of anything but you. The way you look when you wake up. How you smile when you see me. The curve of your spine. Everything about you is fucking perfect. And my brain won’t stop fucking reminding me of it. Every time I sit down to write, it’s all about you. That’s why it’s taken us so long with this one. It’s all you, and… and I was scared.”
“Scared?” You asked timidly, slowly inching towards him.
“It wasn’t part of my plan. It wasn’t part of my plan and my whole life, I’ve had a plan. I was scared that if I let it happen, it would mess up my plan.”
“You have a plan for your whole life?”
“Yeah, I know it’s stupid-”
“It’s not stupid, but not everything goes to plan. Nothing has ever happened that wasn’t part of your plan?”
“A few things.” Colson shrugged.
“Was having a kid before you hit twenty part of your plan?” You chuckled, now almost chest to chest.
“Definitely not.” Colson smiled.
“That turned out well, wouldn’t you say?”
“She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He confessed.
“Hm, so I think it would be a fair to say that things that aren’t part of the plan are good. Wouldn’t you agree?” You were looking up at him now, your arms around his waist and his hands were placed firmly on your hips.
Colson didn’t say anything. He just leaned down and kissed you. When you pulled away, you laughed breathlessly. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”
#machine gun kelly#mgk#colson baker#machine gun kelly fanfic#machine gun kelly x reader#machine gun kelly fluff#machine gun kelly imagine#mgk fanfic#mgk fluff#mgk x reader#mgk imagine#colson baker fanfic#colson baker x reader#colson baker fluff#colson baker imagine#request#richard colson baker
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Fangs for the Hospitality
Chapter 4
Summary: After Roman leaves his family reunion mad at Remus, his car breaks down. The huge snow storm forces him into the forest hes always been told to stay away from. Who will he meet? And why are they being so nice? Most importantly, why are his teeth so sharp?
A/N: My self-indulgent magic/vampire fic! Let me know if I need to tag something or you wanna be tagged!
Relationship: Familial DAM, Eventual Roceit, Eventual Intrulogical
Warnings (per chapter): Small reference to past child abuse, mention of late parents, let me know if there anything else!
Catch up!: Master list, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3
Word Count: 1869
Read on AO3!
Remus sat on the steps of his childhood house. Or well...mansion. Even he could recognize that this wasn't a house. It definitely wasn't a home either.
He had his head in his hands thinking about everything that happened that night that led up to this point. He really, really messed up.
It wasn't that Remus thought that nothing bad would happen when he told that rumor to his mother. In fact he was quite hopeful some shit would go down. His mother would be the best to win over with her propensity for being very gullible. Then he was hoping he could just coast along to victory after she believed him. Sadly that worked and bit too well.
Remus knew everyone was hoping Roman would finally contribute to the family. So by giving him and wife, fake or not, would alleviate the worry in the family. They wouldn't question it too much. What he didn't account for was the fact that Roman never wanted that kind of attention.
Remus was kicking himself remembering the look on his brother's face as he ran from the ballroom. He looked scared and shook up. Remus was hoping he would take it as a joke, or at least play along until Remus could dispel the rumor. But It was already too late.
He ran right out the door and into the car and away before Remus could catch him. Which leaves Remus on the front porch in the snow regretting most of this night.
Remus just thinks too fast most of the time. Never being able to stop the next thought even if the first one isn't finished yet. It's not an excuse for putting Roman on blast, but it is a reason. He just never thought though to the consequences before he opened his mouth. The fact of the matter is that he should of asked Roman before he talked to anyone.
Remus gave a heavy sigh as Remy came up from behind him.
“Listen babe, you should come back inside for a bit. I’ll drive you home once nobody is looking for us.” He said solemnly.
“Where do you think he went? There so much snow, that car is a piece of shit and hes freaking the fuck out.” Remus said back, not hearing, or not caring about, Remy's first statement.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine. Its fucking cold out here Rems. Lets go inside and talk about th-”
“NO! Remy you don't get it! Who knows what he could be doing or thinking! I never think! After all these years he's been the person this family hated the most and I certainly never helped him!” Remus stood up and started yelling at the snow falling. “I’m his twin brother and even I treat him so poorly.”
“I hear what you're saying and I raise you, you are the only one who has ever stuck by him. Yes you fucked up today Remus but he’s bound to forgive you. You have your own issues Rems. He knows you didn't mean it. Just give him a bit to calm down.”
“I know he’ll forgive me. He always does. He's the kindest person in the whole bitch ass family! But no one has ever been the same to him!” Remus groaned loudly at the sky.
Remus turned back to look at Remy, who was still standing and shivering on the porch. Remy looked over Remus and nodded his head.
“You’re right. But you and him stick together. Just let him go for a bit. We’ll find him tomorrow.” Remy pulled a set of keys out of his coat pocket. “For now I’m sure that nobody is looking for us since no one came after us. Come home with me and then we will find him. Grab his coat before we leave though.”
Remus huffed then nodded back. He walked back inside to grab both him and Romans coats from the coat rack. He doesn't feel any better from what happened. He’ll have to have a long talk with Roman to try and figure this out.
Remus walked out the front door to Remy's car.
~~~
Janus walked through the halls of his house, away from the guest rooms. He knew that there was no way that anyone could go in or out of that room without his knowledge. But that did little to alleviate his worry of having this stranger in his house.
There was so much unknown with this stanger. How could he see Janus’ house from the road? That road was miles away from his house, and it is heavily snowing. Even if he could for some reason have seen his house, there should have not been a way for him to just wander into the forest.
These woods were not the typical thick forest that one may travers as they want. Janus didn't want to say it had a mind of its own, but they may be the best way to describe it. It just...played by its own rules. He needed to go to his library and, though he didn't really want to, call a friend over. Maybe they would know more than he would about these things. ‘They probably won’t but it’s worth a shot.’ Janus thought.
Janus continued meandering his way to his home library, thinking of the possibilities of why this Roman could walk into the woods.
‘I’ve lived in this damn forest for over a century and I’ve never met someone like this.” Janus thought. ‘It should have just sent him away. Humans can't walk in here. I certainly couldn't so why him?’ As Janus continued his inner monologue he passed by his son's door. Realizing this he stopped and took a step back.
Janus realized that before he goes to his library to inevitably get lost in his thoughts and books, he should check on his two sons. The night had had a lot of excitement; it had been just short of a nightmare getting the two to sleep.
He made sure to put the stranger into the room furthest away from any of the living quarters that either his kids or himself used. That being said, his room was the closet, then Virgils, the last being Pattons.
He first peeked into little Virgil's room. The 3 year old was sleeping soundly in his crib. The poor child had the hardest time sleeping without some sort of song sung beforehand, not that Janus minded. He's pretty sure he would do just about anything for the little boy. He was just about ready to move into an actual bed, which Janus was not looking forward to. He's growing up too fast.
He still remembered when Virgil was a baby. He was so small and fragile. Janus has done many things in his life he was not proud of, but taking Virgil in will never be one of them. He will admit that taking in the infant was not what he had planned that day but he's forever glad he did.
He was a hard baby to take care of too. He was a mix of two beings that were told to never be together. And instead of punishing the parents, they went after the small child instead. Virgil was in pain most of his first months of life. His little body is a mix of things that have never been mixed. Janus was so glad he grew out of the pain, even if he still needed a little help sometimes.
Taking little Virgil from his crib turned prison, was one of the best decisions of his entire life.
Smiling softly at the sleeping child, Janus stopped his walk down memory lane. He was just so glad to have Virgil with him. Janus was determined to give this child a second chance that nobody else was willing to give him.
He silently closed the door to move to Pattons door. He cracked the door open in on the 8 year old. Luckily, he too was sound asleep.
He's had Patton longer than he's had Virgil, but he didnt take Patton in as young as Virgil. He still thinks about Patton's story and gets a bit misty eyed. Janus had been great friends with Patton's biological parents, and though Patton didn't remember them much, Janus did. They were amazing forest witches and had a love for nature. They are the most loving people. Distantly Janus thought that you'd have to be to be friends with him.
He would always rather have Patton's biological parents here, but he will never ever regret agreeing to being Patton's godparent. After Pat's parents passed, and he was left in Janus care, it was a large learning curve on how to be a parent. But now he wouldn't trade either of his sons for all the power in the world.
Patton had scared Janus so bad when he opened the door for the stranger. Yes Pat wasn't used to visitors. But he was taught from a young age to never open the door alone. Janus had always preached safety to them both for fear of what lurked around in the woods. Pat was lucky the person behind the door was actually a person. They were going to have to reiterate the rules of the front door once the morning hit.
Closing the door to his son's room he finally let out his last strained sigh. It's been a long night even though it's already 2am.
Finally catching some calm, Janus made his way just past his two sons' rooms into the fairly large library. The circular room went from the first floor all the way up to the third, and even a bit into the attic. It could be entered from any of those levels as well. Each shelf was completely filled with books.
This is the place where he spends arguably the most time. Even his sons would hang out here with him. There just so many things that can be learned here.
Speaking of learning things, he needed to find out who the hell Roman was. There was no way this guy was who he said he was if he was able to see and walk into the forest. There were many things that could be happening here. Though Janus thought there were a few that were more likely than others.
No matter what though, Janus thought that there was no way in heaven or hell that Roman was trustworthy.
Running his hands down the spines of the books and he walked around the room, Janus was looking for a specific book. After a few minutes of reading through the books with his fingertips he finally found the right book: ‘The Complete Book of Different Beings, Magic and Otherwise.’
“A-ha!” He whispered triumphantly. “This should be it!”
Taking the book to the corner of the room, Janus sat in his favorite chair. Not for the first time he's glad he doesn't need to sleep, he's gonna be here for a while. The book itself was quite large and he really didn't know where to start with Roman.
With a contented sigh Janus opened the book, and started at the beginning.
~~~
Next Chapter
Taglist:
@primaveradoodles @bluerosesbleedred
#sanders sides#sanders sides fanfiction#eventual roceit#eventual intrulogical#vampire au#magic au#FftH#mention of child abuse#mention of late parents#verys fic
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1. Name
justdyingslowly obviously come on
2. Nationality
Australian
3. Age
22
4. Birthday
nnnah dont feel like it
5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign)
Libra/Scorpio cusp
6. Gender
wamon
7. Sexuality
very very hetero
8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)
androgenous
9. What do you/did you study?
Psychology (focus on sexology) and art.
10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have?
I am disabled you think I can work ha
sexologist would be awesome. When I was a kid I wanted to be a fireman but Australias always burning
-
11. Your birth order
head first
12. How many siblings do you have?
1
13. Do you have good relations with your family?
yeah
dads finally out of his abusive relationship, nearing age 70 and his emotions and his sexuality are finally opening up for the first time and that makes me SO happy.
14. How many friends do you have?
what kind of fucked up question is this.
15. Your relationship status
relationshipped. Fiance? got the marriage papers in a drawer somewhere with the car rego but can’t be fucked filling them?
16. What do you look for in a SO?
empathetic, mature, calm. Always open to discussion. Prefers to be blunt rather than secretive. Emotional age over 14 (incredibly fucking rare apparently).
Puts an importance on context and understanding other views above all else.
17. Do you have a crush?
Hellll yeah
Crush on my partner and got a crush on a mutual friend of ours who don’t even know hes cute af hehe
one day partners gonna accidentally spill the beans and embarrass me coz hes shit with secrets RIP me.
18. When did you have your first kiss?
You think I can remember this bullshit? Its not that big a deal
19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?
One night stand sex almost exclusively sucks. Just. SUCKS. Because neither of you know what the other likes and it ends up being an awkward mix of trying to please yourself while trying to also be considerate.
20. What are your deal breakers?
Plugging your ears to anything that feels gross, uncomfortable or disagrees with you. How can you grow as a person without introspection? How can you mold what you think and believe without taking in other arguments and comparing them to your beliefs to see how they stack up?
Its pathetic.
-
21. How was your day?
cute mutual friend had a fall this morning and were both worried about him. His back is bad and he’s getting a little older, he can’t be getting dizzy and having falls like that.
other than that im anxious about seeing my gastro. He’s lovely but... specialists are specialists. Good at knowing what they know but not always great at listening.
22. Favourite food & drink
you think im allowed to eat or drink?
water and... foods a touchy subject.
23. What position do you sleep in?
Usually on my side with a body pillow to grip so I don’t end up choking my partner in his sleep.
24. What was your last dream about?
uuhhh...going to italy and being unable to get into this tiny basket boat properly.
25. Your fears
does PTSD to medical shit count haha
26. Your dreams
... going to italy and being unable to get into a tiny basket boat thingy?
27. Your goals
- get some sort of diagnosis eventually. Its been 3 years of trying and im tired.
- get back to studying art part time for my bachelors.
- pass JLPT N3.
- go back to university for psychology.
- do the dishes when I get home.
28. Any pets?
two budgies. we also take care of any orphaned or injured birds.
29. What are your hobbies?
feeling nauseous
drawing
writing a little bit
im making a little gameboy game in C atm too
30. Any cool places in your area?
i live next to a national park with waterfalls and koalas and emus and stuff
31. What was your last awkward situation?
mutual friend made a comment on his chest
i playfully smacked it (related to the comment)
it was surprisingly hard
“O-oh wow, thats... I didnt expect that”
my partner laughed at me.
it was awful.
32. What is your last regret?
getting embarrassed at friends pecs stop making me think about it
33. Language/s you can speak
english. N4 Japanese.
34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.)
of course not what the fuck
35. Have any quirks?
Quirkless.
I do wiggle when im happy though apparently.
36. Your pet peeves
open doors.
37. Ideal vacation
spend a months chilling in an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice
38. Any scars?
internal? yes
39. What does your last text message say?
peepee poopoo ustinky
40. Last 5 things from your search history
how do i find this
41. What’s your [device] background?
Sam Porter Bridges walkin around
Sam Porter Bridges cuddling BB-28 Louise while he sleeps
my chicken
42. What do you daydream about?
all might
43. Describe your dream home
an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice
44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion
its a comforting thought having a parent-figure who cares about you and looks after all the big things you can’t manage yourself, but institutionalizing it runs a severe risk of becoming harmful cults. And it often does.
45. Your personality type
me
46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done
i saw the lost bunny that was on all the posters in the neighbourhood
looked thin and patchy
so i grabbed him to take him home.
im allergic. sent me to hospital and I almost died.
47. Are you happy with your current life?
feeling sick sucks and partners having a depressive episode but things are pretty good
48. Some things you’ve tried in your life
living
-
49. What does your wardrobe consist of?
blacks, reds, whites and pinks
50. Favourite colour to wear?
at the moment pink. Red is always comforting though.
51. How would you describe your style?
mix between lazy alternative punk, teenager with band shirts and harajuku peach kawaii uwu
52. Are you happy with your current looks?
kinda wish i was a bit shorter but what can you do
53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?
bit shorter
54. Any tattoos or piercings?
lol no PTSD
55. Do you get complimented often?
by who? partner constantly, family haha are you kidding
im australian so a friend’s version of showing affection is calling you a cunt and slapping your ass in public
56. Favourite aesthetic?
all might
57. A popular trend that you dislike
blocking because you disagree or find them distasteful.
Ignoring all context to opposing thoughts and arguments.
taking a personal feeling of disgust to mean something is evil.
Blocking your ears to anything that isn’t a circlejerk of what you already think - and trying to isolate anyone who even just listens to something other then the noise of your sloppy dicks to have a thought of their own.
-
58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with?
The Machine by Low Roar
59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like.
why wouldnt i admit i like a song
60. Favourite genre?
probably enka haha
61. Favourite artist/band/genre?
probably enka haha
oh and tatsuro yamashita
62. Hated popular songs/artists?
why the hell would I hate something like a song? I hate aspects of the music industry as a whole I guess?
63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5
which playlist they aren’t all together in one place
64. Can you sing or play any instruments?
piano, saxophone... uh... partners good at making music and playing shakuhachi
65. Do you like karaoke?
no.
66. Own any albums?
yes? many?
67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?
no.
but triple J, ABC Jazz and Classical. sometimes they even play final fantasy and JRPG music on classical which is pretty neat.
-
68. Favourite movie/series?
can i make this about games because then the answer is Metal Gear Solid
69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc
...shounen?
70. Your fictional crush/es
if they’re over 40yrs old, male and happy and bubbily or grumpy and sad then there’s a big ol fat chance I wanna bone.
Solid Snake from MGS4, All Might and pretty much anyone drawn by Tarou Madoromi.
71. Which fictional character is you?
uh
72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so
what does this even mean what language is this
73. Favourite greek god?
idk
hades seems chill
74. A legend from where you live that you like
the story of Tjilbruke is funny and good. all Kaurna stories are good.
75. Do you like art? What’s your favourite work or artist?
im in a big egon schiele mood atm.
76. Can you share your other social media?
no i am incapable
77. Favourite youtubers?
many
78. Favourite platform?
not too high up. actually i like being a little lower than ground level in corners.
79. How much time do you spend on the internet?
too much
80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite?
look i just want to say that MGS4 is the best one in the series
and Death Stranding is phenomenally engaging.
81. Your favourite books (manga also counts)
these are all so goddamn definitive how can I pick?
Oh wait the answer is One Piece
82. Do you play board/card games?
I play DnD atm
and know 15 yr old rules to Yugioh
83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema?
that shit dosn’t happen here
84. Favourite holiday
golden week
coz its a week
also easter because thats when all the glucose based sweets come back
85. Are you into dramas?
what kind
-
86. Would you use death note, if you had one?
no. thats called being a murderer.
87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?
chill people out a bit. when people feel unsafe they get really depenfive and territorial and block their ears to everything, making in-and-out groups for themsevles that end up putting them in more harm.
88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?
im disabled with a disabled partner. we arent funny sure we can survive normal everyday life when society is angled so sharply against us.
89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?
id like to be a mimi spirit
90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?
spooky time
91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?
toshinori yagi
92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?
anyone healthy
93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo
that cursed one with the intense eyes and the hand
94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true
im me
im not me
im pee
-
95. Cold or hot?
cold.
96. Be a hero or be a villain?
both are distasteful ideas in reality
97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?
i can’t do either
partner speak sin bad puns and its hell, these both sound about equal
98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?
shapeshifting. controlling time is eithe rmanipulative or lonely. shapeshifing is every other superpower at once.
99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?
both are deeply upsetting ideas
100. ….. or …..?
jiji or ossan?
generally Jiji, but ossans can be lovely too.
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hey if you watch taylor swift's documentary miss americana, she talks a lot about how she was always praised when she was younger for being the "ideal celebrity" because she never brought up politics or anything. she was also influenced by her childhood heroes, the dixie chicks, being blacklisted completely when they criticized bush, and she was terrified of the same thing happening to her. she was under a lot of pressure from the media to be "a good girl" and stay quiet (1/?)
her first time speaking up politically was during the 2018 midterms, where she openly supported one candidate over another and encouraged people to register to vote, which increased voter registration by a huge amount. she made the post because the other candidate was openly homophobic, racist and misogynist, and she couldn't handle not speaking up. there's a scene in the documentary where her dad, and a bunch of her producers, record label, etc. are strongly telling her not to make the post (2)
but she says she has to go through with it and argues about it with them. they're worried she could lose a lot of fans and that it could be a major safety issue for her (since she already has huge issues with people breaking into her houses or stalking her). she answers that the candidate she is opposing wants to repeal protections for women against stalking and abuse and stuff like that, and that she has to take a stand. (3/?)
with 'you need to calm down' she was criticized a lot for being 'performative' but the reason she did it is she thought she had already been pretty open about being accepting of the lgbtq+ community, but her really good friend todrick hall was TERRIFIED to come out to her because he didn't know what her reaction would be, and she realized she needed to make a bigger statement if one of her close friends was completely unaware of her position on the matter. (4/?)
todrick helped her direct the music video, and she asked a lot of members of the lgbtq+ community if what she was doing was ok, and asked for their opinions on the song and music video to make sure she was being an ally and not overstepping. she also got as many lgbtq+ people in the music video as possible, purposefully collabed with brendan urie and spotlighted lesser known lgbtq+ artists. she also hand selected the drag queens in the music video and they were all shocked she knew who they were
anyways I know you don't like taylor and I'm not trying change that or excuse her actions - she definitely could have done more, sooner. I'm just trying to explain why she didn't speak up sooner and why she realized she had to. on social media, she's also been taking care to spotlight lesser known female poc and lgbtq+ artists that she loves and has really just been making an effort to be an ally in every way possible. she's definitely not perfect, but she's trying! (last one I swear lol)
She’s never claimed to be an activist & imo that’s an odd expectation to put on her. she’s a musician first and occasionally talks about politics on the side just like most celebrities? Not saying she’s above criticism but she faces uncommonly intense scrutiny compared to other people at her level of fame. People make absurd claims abt her with NO evidence and it becomes gospel among people who hated her to begin with. I’m not trying to be rude but the biases against her deserve critical thought
for the record im coming at this as a former swiftie, so this is not me irrationally hating on her
i haven’t seen the documentary since i dont have netflix and also haven’t been a fan in a long time, but i have seen the scene you talked about since it was going around on twitter months ago. the general consensus was that it was highly staged (most likely, given the nature of the documentary) and also dripping with privilege.
my issue with her isn’t that she was unproblematic but silent, but that she was notoriously problematic AND silent. i’d argue that the first time she really became political was in 2014 when she began to embrace feminism coincidentally as the 1989 era began, but the problem was that she still didnt seem to grasp what it actually was, given that she paraded around a group of women she stopped hanging out with like a year later and used them to tear down katy perry in the bad blood video.
like, i understand her being young and afraid to stand up for something when her career was first beginning. but after years and years and years, especially by the time she was willing to stand up to misogynistic men in 2014 and beyond, she still didn’t really do much else, you know? and a lot of it always seemed to center around her.
but anyway, with you need to calm down, todd in the shadows made an excellent video about it here. maybe im biased because im critical of her work regardless, but as a bi woman, i found the song and video insulting and condescending. shade never made anybody less gay is easily one of her worst if not the worst line she’s ever written. she conflates her internet haters with violent homophobes and then ends the video with her ending the feud with katy yet it was released during pride and meant to be some sort of anthem when born this way came out in 2011 and, while undeniably flawed, did a much better job of getting the point across. taylor’s contemporaries have been saying the same stuff, but like, 10+ years earlier.
i guess for me, im just really tired of people praising her for doing this that others have done for much, much longer. im fine with her making a post like she did for the midterms, it felt genuine! but other stuff like you need to calm down comes off as patronizing and that scene from the documentary feels like it tries to position her as this almost like katniss figure which is just....tone deaf considering people like the ferguson protesters have been murdered for years. but thats all just me.
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hey, i really liked your posts about ep12, it helped me a lot to put things into perspective. i was wondering if you could share your thoughts on the 2gether finale as well, coz right now i just wanna cry im so disappointed with it =(
Aww, thank you, anon. <3
Ok so my thoughts on the finale are kind of all over the place but I’ll try to explain as best as I can and hopefully it’s gonna make sense.
Like I said, in my original post I dont love the ep but I dont hate it either. I suppose I fall somewhere in the middle. I enjoyed a lot of it - seeing all the couples progress and be happy together, Man/Type especially were just so adorable, Mil and Phukong starting to build something with each other (lil bro using Sarawat’s pick up line was a really nice touch, love that), Mil being an all around awesome supportive friend to BOTH Tine and Wat?? We love to see it. The way he turned up at the football field where Wat was being his angsty self and literally kicked his butt into taking action - *chef’s kiss*
Him and Fong are now the parents of the baby gays I dont make the rules.
Wat’s confession on stage and his song that he literally named after Tine and when he said he never confessed to Pam because he didnt know what love was before he met Tine - perfection. Absolute perfection. I’m here for it.
And Tine’s heartbreak was so well done too, I just felt so much for him.
Again, as I said, the whole thing with Pam didnt turned out exactly as I had hoped but it wasnt the worst case scenario either so I’ll take it. I’d rather have Pam making a mistake and realising it and backing off while assuring Tine that Wat really does love HIM and even though she tried Pam didnt stand a chance because it’s always gonna be Tine for Sarawat and she understands that now over her being an actual bitch who keeps trying to seperate them and uses the situation to her advantage. I mean they could have gone that way too - Pam didnt have to give Tine that recording or to tell him how Wat changed after meeting him but she did, I think, as her own way of apologizing for what she’d done. So yeah, overall, I’m fine with this.
ALSO NOBODY DIED SO THAT’S A BIG PLUS.
(History 3 MODC can’t relate)
ANYWAY, so those are the positives for me. Which as it turns out is most of the episode yay! Now onto what wasnt quite so positive.
My main issue with this episode is the resolution to Wat and Tine’s conflict. Mainly, there really... wasnt one. And I’m not talking about the physical intimacy thing, I’ll touch on that later but more importantly for the ending - the emotional intimacy. None of the problems they had were properly addressed. Tine’s insecurities were rooted so deeply that despite Wat spending 12 EPISODES doing anything and everything to show his love and adoration, Tine still couldnt really believe it. And that’s not gonna be resolved with a simple recording.
And on the other hand, can you image how all of this would make Sarawat feel? Like no matter what he does, no matter how much of himself he gives to Tine, his boyfriend still would find it easier to believe that Wat is just using him as a replacement for someone else. That’s gonna fuck with his head even if Tine came back. I really really wished they had talked at least a little about these things.
Like maybe if we didnt have half of the episode filled with pointless flashbacks there could have been time to actually talk... (tbh, part of me kind of wonders if they purposefully put in so many flashbacks to fill in the air time so they wouldnt HAVE to write those scenes which leaves me ?????).
I think I mentioned this too in the other post, but the Wat/Tine reunion echoes beat for beat the Fighter/Tutor reunion with all its issues but while WhyRU has a reason for why things turned out like that, here I just... I dont know what could have been the reason for 2gether’s writers? Unless they also couldnt film everything they wanted...
And then there’s the... “high-five controversy”, let’s call it and again I find myself in the middle of the argument. I stand by what I’ve said before about how I feel about the way they handled physical intimacy between the characters - yes, objectively and critically speaking, I’m not here for writers/directors/channel/whoever trying to censor the physical intimacy of an established couple. There is nothing wrong with two partners wanting to kiss/cuddle/have sex/etc. Sex isnt something dirty (I mean it can be depending on what you’re writing BUT THAT’S A DIFFERENT GENRE OK, we are not talking about smutty fic here cough cough) and shameful that “pure” people shouldnt be enjoying (lovely post on the topic here I was just thinking about it last night). And it’s about time show creators got with the programme, ESPECIALLY when it comes to non-straight couples.
As of ep13 it’s clear to me that 2gether went through some serious censorship - lots of people have talked about how it’s a thing that they do on this particular channel and maybe that’s all it is, I dont know. I dont want to speculate what’s been going on behind the scenes since I dont have any idea and sadly I dont think the writers will ever be willing to talk about it. I’d LOVE to hear their throughts on this matter tbh and why they decided to do things this way.
So on an objective level, this is bullshit. Subjectively, and this is where my personal opinion comes in, I wasnt as bothered by this as I normally would be because I’ve been enjoying all the other aspects of the relationship that the show successfully built up and prtrayed on screen. Does that make sense?
Specifically about the finale, though, I agree with the complains. Part of why the reunion felt so underwhelming and disappointing, I think, was not only the lack of emotional intimacy but also the hella.... awkward? physical “intimacy” they showed? The scene absolutely did call for a kiss or a hug, at the very least. Instead they were standing 2 feet apart cause... they’re not gay? I really really do not understand what happened there in that scene. I’ve seen some people mention that the finale was filmed before the other episodes so the actors werent used to each other yet and honestly I can see it - watching Tine and Wat in that ending montage felt like I was watching them at the beginning of their fake dating when both were awkward and unsure of where they stood with each other rather than seeing an established in love couple coming back together after going through something tough.
So these are my thoughts on the finale. It wasnt the best one I’ve ever seen but not bad enough to ruin the rest of the show for me (and there’s NOTHING I hate more than bad endings ruining a story I’ve fallen in love with so there’s that) and I do really love this show and its characters so much. It’s hard, even impossivle to find a perfect show from start to finish and honestly I’ve come to believe that’s not as important as what you get out of it - if the show makes you happy, despite whatever writing issues it might have, that’s the most important thing, I think. And 2gether did that for me. So I’m glad I watched it.
Omg, this got so long. Again. If you’re still with me, anon, you’re a hero. I hope I was able to help you. <3
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So I wrote down my thoughts as i watched through most of Season 2 of Scooby Doo Mystery Inc, and would like to share them, major spoilers below cut
Notes of Season 2 of Scooby Mystery Inc
Shout out to this jock bully(?) who upon encountering a monster threatening a girl, did no hesitate to take on said monster, recuse said girl, and protect her as they escape
Fred really needs to talk to someone about his new parents, who are now living in his house with him???? The house of the man who took him from them??????
Bronson might not be exactly straight looking at how he acted around the old mayor vs the new one, but *shrugs*
Jock Strikes again, is this gunna be the twist? That''s a really douchy twist to pull a stunt like this
Love how-I mean this is just the plan. He wanted girls too so he set up the same scenario.
Is this extra set up by the parents to get him to trust them that is some next level douchery/
Scratch that on Bronson, omg
Oh shit starting with a furry attack this is going to be a weird episode
the gang's meta knowledge coupled with their sure willingness to go along with tropes and shit makes for great dialogue
oh *oh* this is the episode where we get a peak to see just how big the picture is, love the lore building. knew this episode was gunna be good
is that a demon? the furry isnt the mosnter??? ummm...weve been getting hints, are things getting real?
so we've established motive for why someone whould want this plavce closed, but actually tangent but dont a lot of these monsters that they encounter seem like, weirdly powerful and mobile for costumes
oh there's the furry
that red aura is a...the things that happen around it are something deeper it seems. fascinating.
is the red just representative of fire hallucinations? those seemed a bit real in effect for hallucinations...
this guy, like my manager, needs to hire a little more staff
occult magic book falls from the library to gang, and no one is as concerned as they should be
nazi robot nazi robot get BJ on the phone
Cassidy is the kinda retired PC that the players can strive to be
Shit is getting real quick isnt it. Wait is that a seal.
does Cassidy die? I know about a certain other death that makes me sad, but i dont want Cassidy to die too
this episode is a rollercoaster of odd events
weird hologram disguise for Paraclese is nifty
Seeing the tragic fate of past groups is...well obviously sad
oh dear, she does die huh
its super low key, but it plays at the terrifying corrupting ordeal of the eldritchstuff really well with the lore notes
bear troubles
oh that badge...is that where they buried him? that's...kinda grim
they have stealth suits and killer nazi robots? why have the evil guys not won yet?
there is a bomb and they are not evacuating. There is a BOMB and they are not evacuating
oh the bear can talk, how dare i assume that a bear is incapable of speech
the bear is a twunk, scratch that, still a bear, is...he doing a christiphor walkin impersonation?
aaand that’s enough for tonight, starting fresh later
We're back, 13 more episodes
oh so were getting into why i don’t like astrology
Enigma machine omg. sorry, im a sucker for bits like that
i wanna have long white hair too, i could rock that look
How does Paraclese still have an accent after all these years? It is like destiny's Rasputin and just a stubborn superiority complex?
something about visiting villains you can talk to in a prison is-ohp thats just all of um huh, cameo episode- err, anyways, it just paints a delightful scene about the relationship of the protags and antags and villainy as a whole in the world
well this is horrific, throw some brownish red stuff around and it would be a silent hill scene
update: still gay
Thirteen more episodes and they have the disk...that does not bode well for what is going to happen
the writer's willingness to reference other hannah barbara characters/shows is great
oooo anticaptilism, BF is scoring points
excuse me???? cyborg dragon girl???? he cant even call her by her name through most of the episode wtf???????
see now im at the point i gotta ask, is this a real ghost thing, or a fake ghost thing?
ah i understand now
youd think he would be more willing to explain to th-there we go
so the animal companians are more suceptible, but they all have the risk
Paraclese talking about these cattle is every gm talking about their homebrew monsters
omg writers wth was that conclusion for the cattle im dying
sk-ska zombies. ska. zombies. i can pick it up
oh like the dancing plauge but worse, nifty
these ghosts are rude boys, like, thats actually one of their names. And just caught that it the band name is skatastic
oh they mentioned the dancing plauge, thank you wtf 101
the 'lighthearted' tone of this episode speaks dark tidings about the horrors to come
aaah, hex girls, omg
oh damn, update again: still hella gay
bards duels be like, but for real loving this more and more
young me is crazy about having the hex girls interact with a magicy thing like the disks, the rest of me is concerned at the events that are taking place
scooby agrees, and his dog girl friend...well that was something
Ricky displaying increasing regrets is not going to do good things for his lifeespectancy
ohp then he drags in the other two
well, i didnt see that coming for the criminal identity
this little girl just had her mom ditch her for a stranger that robbed them, the heck
i should probably eat dinner at some point, or like, anything at somepoint...
calling it now, this guy is a circus performer/stunt driver, and if he is the random hired british poolboy it is a fake accent
he's lureing women away with emotional intemacy. thats funny in itself, btu that they accept so readily still isnt normal
oh and apparently kinks, lured with kinks
so hes going to be the librarian dude then?? maybe?
k, so at least i got that
o.o O.O, well, that was quite the lead up and explanation
food on plate, depresso in heart, ready to continue
so they have to know right? like, this is a planned trap since Fred is 'the only one who knows where it is'
doesnt explain Fred though, or how the fake acts
"jeepies you found my scarf"
oh there it is, they are after the info from him and its all fake, not some hell vision to show why he has to suceed
Fred knew first? good on him
plastic surgery, holy crap, next level villainy here
holy shit they're all in puragoty thanks to the corrpution?????? Going back to early about the horrifying nature of all this. it is just so immensly sad watching them go through these bits. Cool, but sad.
Velma demonstrating why thinking and understanding are not always good in eldritch horror games
so he's got a guilt complex?
heart felt talk with Mayor Dad
awwww, poor Velma doesnt think she's pretty
guessing...well id say the wife of Enrique but that seems too easy some how, stiill shes the only offered suspect beside Enrique himself thus far
*deep sigh* i will never guess any culprit i bother to write down correctly
would be a real move of the writers to Uzumaki the town
two day deadline given, props to velma for having the foresight to model the disks in a digital format incase theyre lost
mad max mystery machine sounds like a doom metal synth wave fusion song
things are going too well...
How many giant evil doors will this lair have?
alchemy. of course. should have guessed.
is...is this the episode where Marcie...oh no
oh at least shes trying good on her, she's going down in style and flame...
oh. ya know, even knowing it was coming and talking it up a sentence before, not a happy event
this is a nifty dungeon
last episode, hell of an opening/recap
wh-what
fghaseguk
this went batshit didnt it. i wish i had the willingness to write at unhinged as these writers
one more media that i am surpised didnt end in a poly relationship
this climax is eerily familiar to the live action movies at times
and then they all died and went to heaven
aww Rickee and Cassidy
*and* Velma and Marcie, aww, my heart will heart to think about that one for long, but awwwww
Miskatonik University, or however the heck it is said. i thought it was going to be a one off joke but wasn't expecting that.
#scooby doo#scooby doo mystery inc#scooby doo mystery incorperated#mystery inc#mystery incorporated#scooby doo mystery incorporated
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When it comes to range, talent, and depth in @twentyonepilots music, I've learned to never expect anything. It's impossible to place them in just one genre, they can easily do it all!...well except country, even Tyler said he draws the line somewhere haha
Honestly though, this is the upbeat-techno-80's-inspired-party-track that I didnt know I needed, and since it's Tyler and Josh, of course the lyrics have left me feeling emotional.
These boys literally up and created a whole song that is not only meaningful, but relatable as well. I know there are so many like myself who are hurting right now; whether it be losing a loved one to COVID, the inability to see the loved ones still alive who might be at risk, losing a job and worrying about financial struggles, or simply feeling overcome with even more paranoia and dark thoughts than what you've already been facing, and this is the moment the world needs to be comforted the most. This is the moment we are looking for safety, for something real amidst all the media scare, which is why the outro to these lyrics stood out the most to me:
In a world where you could just lie to me (Need you)
And I'd be okay, we'll be okay (Level of concern)
We're gonna be okay (Just need you to tell me we're alright)
Tell me we're okay, I need you
It would be so easy for Tyler to repeat the same mantra that we have been hearing broadcasted through our tv's, the same statement we read in headlines that almost gives a false sense of security, "It's going to be ok", but he understands the severity behind it. Even though he does use these same words throughout the song, he does it with two different intentions in mind. On one hand, he is conveying how this sentiment has become twisted in a way that feels as if it is more of a dismissal than sympathetic in nature, which is why I view this song as both a dedication to the skeleton clique, as well as those who are on the frontline. This is for us as much as it is for the medical care professionals and those who are still working, while the rest of us are social distancing at home. The people who have expressed concerns but have been ignored time and time again by others higher up who continue to approach their fears with "It's going to be ok". Tyler is trying to do his part in the only way he knows best to help raise awareness and open people's eyes, yet at the same time he is using those words to help lessen the panic that has been overcast on society ever since this virus struck. He understands how hearing "It's going to be ok" can, in reality, cause even more doubt to creep in, because when that is the only thing a person hears day after day, it starts to plant a tiny seed in the brain that eventually begins to sprout and spread until the roots become so deep that they reach the heart and you find yourself feeling, knowing that something isn't right.
If everything is ok, then why does the same thing need to be said more than once? Could it be that everything is not actually ok? Am I being lied to?
Tyler understands this familiarity with feelings of anxiety and distrust, so in his own way, even though he is still using the same words, the same sentence, he is saying them in a way that tells us he is here for us, Josh too, and that are to let this music, this message speak to our hearts and minds. Let these lyrics tell you that it is ok to not be ok. This is a scary time the world is facing and this is a time that we need to be there for each other, but not a time where we should be lying to each other or ourselves in order to make less of the situation. So yes, "It's going to be ok", we will get through this but it will take all of us working together to do so. It will take all of us fighting back, confronting the situation, and everyone doing their part before we will be able to see the other side.
So thank you Tyler and Josh, this is exactly what I needed right now and I couldn't have asked for anything else. You guys always come through in times of trouble and you do it in a way that makes me feel at peace and, although we don't know each other personally, I feel as if your music allows us to become closer in a way. I really appreciate everything you do for us.
PS: Loving the quarantine hair by the way ✌
#level of concern#level of concern mv#twenty øne piløts#twenty one pilots#tøp#tyler joseph#josh dun#skeleton clique#the clique#covid 19#corona virus#please stay safe#please stay strong#please stay home#please stay alive#thank you to those on the frontlines#we couldn't do this without you#||-//
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Love is (Not) Easy
Messy Chapter 11
Pairing(s): OC X Johnny
Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Smut,
Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.
Warnings: alcohol, a smidge of ptsd, mentions of anxiety attacks/panicking
Features: daddy/mommy kink, rope bondage, heavy teasing, some hair pulling, a little bit of deep throating, panty gag, sex toys, a little bit of masturbation/watching someone masturbate, rough sex, thigh high kink, thigh fucking, cumshot, protected and unprotected sex, car sex,
Word Count: 14k
A/N: Johnny and Eri get into a bunch of positions in this one sooo....i hope it comes out clear enough where they’re situated. Try not to send asks with spoilers guys! I want to give people the chance to catch up! also this one is shorter than usual so let me know if you have some feedback.
Messy Masterlist Buy me a Ko-Fi Other Stories
Johnnys POV
It was the same bar and club that I performed at surprisingly enough. I knew this place like the back of my hand and it was packed as all hell. I wondered if it was because Eri's band was drawing the crowd or if it was because of the holiday. Either way I was excited to see them perform but for whatever reason I couldn't seem to find them anywhere. I even had Quinn and Jae look with no luck. We had been here for two hours, suffering through terrible bands and trying to be a little less sober. It was nearing the allowed time that Eri was set to play and I should have seen them on stage by now. They were still nowhere to be found. All I saw were some roadies switching out equipment and a dude with dreads do a mic check. That was it.
I finished my watered down drink and nudged Jae, telling him that we should start moving to the front. The crowd was starting to file against the stage and i didnt want to be stuck in the back. I adjusted my snapback and pulled up my sleeves. "You guys ready?" Neither of them had been to a metal show before and I was stuck being in charge. Quinn held onto Jae for dear life, looking around like a deer in headlights. I especially didn't want them getting lost in the crowd given how small they were and the potential level of rowdiness that was to come. "Alright, hold onto me and just shove through. Use your elbows, got it?"
"Are we fucking going to war?" Jae asked.
I sighed. "Not until you get into the pit."
"Like the mosh pit?!" Quinn squeaked.
"Don't worry. I won't let you get tossed in. Cmon, follow me."
Quinn held onto the back of my shirt, staying safely between Jae and I as I started shoving my way through the crowd. There were still some gaps in between the crowd and I was able to get through to the front, not exactly against the stage but it was good enough to see things clearly. I saw a drummer start positioning himself behind the kit. The show seemed like it was about to start and I couldn't help but feel ecstatic. A bassist and the guy with the dreads came next, holding their guitars. Then I finally saw them. They looked incredibly badass even though their outfit was simple. It was a black mini skirt and an oversized white button up with a black tie. That was paired with delicious black thigh highs and scruffed up combat boots that looked like they had seen better days. Their hair was still a gorgeous mane of curls and one side was partially braided to give it a faux undercut look. Their makeup was a smokey purple with dark lipstick that accentuated how full their lips were. I swallowed hard and shifted a bit. I couldn't help it, they just looked so damn hot.
I covered my mouth so no one could see how badly I was biting my lip as I watched their every move. Their hands delicately wrapped around a shot glass that had been placed on their amp and tossed back the brown liquid. It was second nature to Eri and I had seen them do it dozens of times but in this moment it was utterly sensual. The tuned their guitar, caressing the strings and tuning keys. They had a natural born stage presence that was so powerful and commanding that it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I thought about getting their attention but I didn't want to seem too desperate. I sat back and decided to watch instead. Eri had the talent to carry their band so I knew it wouldn't be as bad as the others. As dreads guy introduced their band, Eri went to work checking their amp and cords. As they bent over to make sure the settings of the amp were where they wanted them to be, I could see the tops of their thigh highs. My stomach lurched and i felt like a teenager with how pathetically horny i was acting. I tried to shake it out of my body and take some deep breaths to calm myself. I felt like an idiot and was ready to kick myself. The beginnings of "I'm Not Okay" by My Chemical Romance started, taking me back to my middle school days. All the tension in my body dissolved and I actually chuckled a bit. This really was emo night. I expected the guy with the dreads to start singing since he was in front of the center mic but Eri was the one that opened their mouth.
Jae, Quinn, and I exchanged looks as we were shocked to hear a slightly husky and gritty voice instead of something more feminine. Quinn had a bright smile on their face, cheering loudly and being so proud of Eri. Even though I was usually irritated by Quinn and we were always fighting, I appreciated that they loved Eri as much as I did. Eri's fingers smoothly flowed over the guitar strings and though they had let me hear them play before, nothing compared to the live show. The song ended and Eri smiled, looking above the crowd and towards the back wall. It was most likely to ease some sort of stage fright or anxiety.
"Who's ready to tell this year to fuck off?!" They said, getting a large response of cheers and claps. "I know for goddamn sure I am. I've been through so much shit it's not even funny. So why doesn't everyone get a shot, toss it back, and give me a big fuck you!" There was a round of 'fuck yous' and people downing their drinks. Eri looked towards the bar and held up three fingers to signal an order while the other guitarist took over getting the hype up. In the meantime, Eri set their guitar on its stand and took off their tie and shirt, tossing it to the side and revealing a tight leather vest that definitely accentuated their full chest. I was almost back to being a drooling mess until I heard a few dozen whistles from the men in the crowd. My irritation skyrocketed as i didnt want other men ogling them but I had to remind myself that this was just for the show and nothing more.
A scantily clad bartender made her way onto the stage holding a tray of three shots. Eri tossed two back and with some incentive from the crowd, set the last glass between the bartenders tits. The bartender camped it up, shimmying just a bit as Eri wrapped their mouth around the rim and pulled it out, swallowing the liquor. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and furrowed my brows as I was starting to get pissed off now. They're just showing off, Johnny. It's just for the show. I sighed deeply, trying to get my feelings in check. The next song started with an eccentric intro about Pennywise the Clown which I'd never heard before. Their voice started softly before switching to a guttural scream that made me do a complete 180. "Holy shit." I whispered.
Quinn had a look of utter terror on their face while Jae leaned over to me, getting closer to my ear. "Good job dating the spawn of Satan!"
"They're not the spawn of satan." I glared at him. "I think it's cool."
"It's a little weird to hear girls doing it. I know usually guys do this type of music."
"Yeah, well they're on pitch and sound great so shut up." Just then a gap appeared in the front of the stage as someone made their way back through the crowd and I took the opportunity to drag Quinn and Jae to fill the space. I wanted to get Eri's attention then and gave them a small wave. Their eyes widened so big I almost thought they were going to pop out of their head. I gave them a smile, trying to reassure them but they only seemed to get more scared which made their voice waver. Just as the song ended they grabbed the other lead singer and ran off to the side of the stage. I wondered what was wrong and leaned forward, trying to see if I could spot them. They seemed to be speaking frantically but I couldn't hear anything over the roar of the crowd. Hopefully it wasn't anything too bad
--
Eri's POV
"André, André, André, i'm freaking the fuck out! What am I supposed to do?!"
"What's wrong?! You were doing great out there! You sounded awesome. Have you been practicing your screams?"
"Screw that! The guy I've been fucking for months is here along with my best friend and their boyfriend. I'm going to fucking choke!!" My anxiety was taking over big time and I couldn't grasp the fact that people I knew and loved were actually watching me perform. I never invited people to see me for this reason. I would tense up, my throat would close, and the pressure of impressing them would be the only thing I could think about. It gave me one hell of an anxiety attack.
"Ok, so? Be happy that they came to see you! That means they're proud of you and excited to see your talent!" He tried to reassure me.
"Nonono, you don't understand. I can't do this. I'm gonna freak out. I'm like way too nervous. I can't breathe!"
André grabbed onto my shoulders tightly. "Eri, look at me. You are a bad bitch. A bad slutty bitch with talent that blows people's minds. You have performed in front of small crowds and big crowds. You put your heart and soul into it. You're in music journalism because you wanted to prove to every man that you interview that you know exactly what you were talking about and break through that glass ceiling. I want you to go out there and fucking shred like your life depended on it. Make that dude want to rip off your clothes and fuck you senseless. Make everyone see how much of a bad ass you are. You. Can. Do. This. Repeat after me, I'm a slutty bad bitch."
I swallowed hard and shook out my hands, trying to get rid of my nerves. "I-i-i'm a slutty bad bitch."
"And i'm going to go out there and make every man, woman, and everyone in between want me."
"A-and I'm gonna make every m-m-man, woman, and everyone in between w-wa-want me."
"And that dude you've been fucking is going to go insane when he sees what you can really do."
"And that dude-"
"No, hun-" He interrupted. "Don't repeat that part. Look, how about we switch the line up a bit? Then we can pick a song that you feel more confident in."
"Ok, w-what song do you think we should do?" I said, still unsure.
"How about Closer? Your voice sounds sexy and you can let me handle the guitar. What do you think?"
I nodded and whimpered, still feeling queasy. We stepped back onto the stage and André told the other band members about the song change. A regular at the club was against the stage, holding a drink out to me and I took it graciously, downing it in seconds. I needed all the help I could get right now. I had to fake my comfort so i could make it until the end of the set, when the time would wind down and I could scream 'Happy New Year' and let the music fade away. I tried my best not to look down at Johnny, Quinn, or Jae. I needed to keep the alcohol in my stomach instead of all over the crowd.
The synthy bass thrummed beneath my feet as I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Closer was the epitome of the classic "let's fuck right now" song and with harder female vocals it made me feel like the worlds greatest sex symbol. André was right. I was a bad slutty bitch. My friends were in the crowd and though I was anxious that I would disappoint them I was also putting forth more effort to impress them. I had to believe that I was as talented and great as André said, no matter how difficult or low my self confidence was. It was time to continue one hell of a show and feel alive.
I caressed myself, threw my hair back, wiggled my hips, and spun around as I sung about fucking like an animal. A smile was slapped across my face and I felt my entire body ignite with excitement. I even got a bit of courage to get on my knees in front of Johnny and sing to him. He gripped my neck and crashed our lips together during the rhythmic break and it felt like I never wanted to come up for air. I had to bow out when my next verse was going to start but he kept me close for a second more to growl "Mine" in my ear.
I shoved him away and stuck out my tongue, giving him sass in return. It was hot the way he wanted to take control but this was my fucking night. When the song finished I heard a male voice in the back yell, "What else can you do with that tongue?!"
I squinted my eyes against the spotlight and looked out to find the voice but all I could do was smirk. "What else can I do with my tongue?" I panted as I was a bit out of breath. "Make your girl cum better than you ever could."
The crowd whooped and hollered at my diss and André signaled for my attention. It was almost time for the countdown. There was one more song we had to play and then we could say goodbye to this year. I set the microphone back on the stand and picked up my guitar again. It was time to party hard. I gave it my last bit of energy as André and I sung together, getting the crowd to start a mosh pit and make the floor vibrate. The last few moments of the song I abandoned my responsibilities and jumped down from the stage joining everyone in the riot like crashing and pushing until it was announced that there was 30 seconds left of the year. I made my way over to Johnny, Jae, and Quinn, giving my best friend a tight squeeze and an awkward high five to Jae.
Johnny wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed me flush against him though I was a sweaty mess that smelled of liquor. I set my arms on his shoulders as ten faded into nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two-
My drummer crashed the symbols and made a big drumroll as everyone screamed in delight. I couldn't scream though. I was lost in the moment of Johnny dipping me, like an old school love story, and covering me in the best kiss he had ever given me. It felt like time had slowed, people had frozen, and all that was left was me and him, facing the world together like we had been; through death, abuse, violence, emotional pain, mental anguish, and longing feelings to be loved. It was what had brought us together, this pain. And while we were trying desperately to be better people it was harder to say than to do. But we were right here. I couldn't hear any words that were said. This moment was right where I wanted to be and I would have given my soul to remain here, frozen in time.
Johnny pulled away and lifted me up, my mind still a little foggy. He kept his body lowered to stay close to me and held my hand in his, positioning us like we were dancing. "You're the most amazing woman I've ever met, Eri. Er….person, sorry."
I shook my head. "I don't care, it's fine. Just stay with me. Come home with me and stay in my bed. I want to have fun tonight. We need to kick off this year with a bang….literally." I giggled.
"You need to sober up and shower. You smell terrible, just so you know." He laughed.
"I know! I know! 30 minutes up there in the spotlight and I sweat like a whore in church! I gotta help the guys load the van up though so it may take me awhile to finish up. I'll text you when I'm done, yeah?"
He nodded and slowly turned us like we were slow dancing, making me smile at his goofy antics. Metal songs were playing over the speakers and he wanted to dance with me like I was Cinderella. I tapped his shoulder and smiled. "Let me go, prince charming. I gotta get moving ok?"
He gave me a final kiss before sadly letting me go. "Hurry back, Eri!"
--
Johnny's POV
I felt so many things when we kissed at the bar and I had no idea why. Maybe it was my body's way of telling me that I needed to finally confess to them. I was still so damn scared to do so. A real relationship. One without getting hit everyday or not consenting to things I didn't want to do. One where I was genuinely happy. The last time I felt happy was a month ago when I visited my mom but I had never been happy with someone who wasn’t family. Eri made me happy. Eri made my heart do unimaginable and completely questionable things. Eri was...I think Eri is the love of my life. I didn't need any deep realizations right now. I just wanted to have fun. We were going to let go. But maybe...maybe I was closer to revealing my true feelings than I thought.
I took and deep breath and knocked on Eri's bedroom door and they opened it, looking much more comfy in their sweats rather than their on stage get up. They stood on their tiptoes to kiss me which always made me smile. "You chilled out a bit?"
"Yeah when you sweat your ass off loading up a truck full of gear in a winter coat and boots it makes the alcohol fade real fast. Come on in. I've got a surprise for you."
"A surprise? What the hell for?" I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. Eri guided me to their desk chair and sat me down.
"I want to do something a little different tonight."
"You mean...fucking wise?" Eri thinking of things to try in bed always meant trouble for me.
They bit their lip and nodded. "Yeah, do you want to try it out?"
"Depends on what the hell you're scheming." I said skeptically.
"I promise you'll like it! I won't steer you wrong." They went over to their bed and pulled something out from under their pillow. When I saw what it was my whole body tensed.
"Eri, what the hell are you doing?"
"You tied me up last time. It's only fair that I get to do the same to you." They stepped closer with the bit of cotton rope in their hands which made me scoot the chair back.
"Ye-yeah but that was different. Completely different. I don't know if I'd like that!" I said nervously. Being tied up meant I wouldn't be in control which meant I was instantly nervous and unprepared. My body was already beginning to sweat as my heart raced. Eri crept closer and set their finger under my chin to tilt my head up.
"Cmon Johnny. New year, new kinks. We should see if you like something new." They smirked.
"No way! I'm good. Nothing new. I'm perfectly fine the way I am!"
They slipped behind me and rubbed their hands all over my chest and down to my stomach, planting kisses wherever they wanted to on my neck. "Pleaseeeeee," they whined. "I just wanna have some fun. I have so much planned for us."
"Then why do I have to be tied up?!"
"Because you wouldn't be a good boy if you weren't. You're not very patient when I tease you."
"Well maybe you shouldn't tease me then." I grunted.
"Just play along and I promise you'll love every minute of it." They landed a particularly sharp nip to my neck, making me flinch away. I still didn't want to be tied up but I knew they wouldn't stop whining if I did.
"Fine! But what's that thingy I say to make you stop if I don't want it anymore?"
They giggled and pulled my hands behind the back of the chair, beginning to tie them. "A safe word. And you can say guitar for me to stop."
Guitar? That sounded so stupid. But whatever. I would just play along for now. I tried to get out of the ties but they held firm. I swallowed hard and instantly started to panic. I looked up at Eri as they stepped in front of me. "W-wait Eri, I don't- Gui-"
I watched as they pulled their sweats off and suddenly I couldn't remember what I was even worried about. I feasted my eyes on a deep blue lingerie set, complete with a garter belt and see through thigh highs. My mouth went completely dry as the blood in my brain rushed south.
"Do you like it? I got it in blue since it's your favorite color and it was on clearance." They said, happy at their financial victory. "You're not saying anything…"
"U-uh…" How could I when they looked like that? Incredible, tantalizing, and unbelievably sexy. I tried to lurch myself forward to feel every inch of their warm skin but snapped back into the chair as my tied hands kept me immobile. So that's why they did it...sneaky little shit.
Eri set their hands on top of my thighs and leaned forward. "Johnny, do you like it or not?"
"U-um...y-yes. Yeah. Good." I managed to say in my lust filled haze. They straddled my hips and sunk down onto my lap.
"I'm glad. Do you want to touch my thighs?"
"Absolutely. Please, Eri." I had no shame in begging for that. I wanted their thighs, hips, and ass in my hands and against my lips.
"Nope. Nooootttt yet. You have to prove you'll be good boy " I tossed my head back with a frustrated groan. Why couldn't they just let me touch them?!
"What the fuck do you mean I have to prove I'm good?! You want me to call you mommy or something?!"
They lowered their gaze and gave me a predatory smirk. "That could work."
My eyes widened and I tried to release my hands again. "Eri I'm serious!
"So am I." They pressed their lips against mine, wrapping their arms around my neck, making our chests flush together. Why the hell were they such a good kisser? I was whipped for them and hated every bit of it.
"Hmm, let me-" I tried to say in between moments of our tongues clashing. "Go-"
"Tsk tsk tsk Johnny," They wrapped their tiny hand around my neck and pressed gently against my Adam's apple. "We really have to work on your impatience." They started grinding their hips against my lap creating that friction that drove me wild. I swallowed hard, feeling the pressure of their hand still against me, and squeezed my eyes shut. I had to think of a plan to get free but the mesh rubbing against the roughness of my jeans was terribly distracting. I bucked my hips upwards, wanting to gain more traction and feel their wetness through the fabric but they forced their weight down onto my thighs so I couldn't use them as leverage. "You're such a cute little prince when your frustrated."
"I'm not a goddamn prince." I tried to say steadily but their thumb pressed harder into my throat. I was already starting to feel my cock stir and hated being trapped in my pants.
"Oh yes you are." Eri laid a tender kiss on my lips. "Just like I'm your princess, you're my prince. And I could be your mommy just as well as you can be my daddy."
"Cut it out." I growled. "It's weird." I ground my teeth together as they forced their weight down again and rubbed against me. Jesus, this was driving me crazy.
"It's the same principle, Johnathan. Don't be so sexist." They chuckled and finally removed themselves off me. "You'll learn soon enough." They disappeared behind me and I was still uneasy about what the hell they were going to do. Whips and chains were definitely out of the question.
"Eri! What are you doing?!" I tried to wiggle the chair around to see what they were up to but they returned shortly after. They were silent this time as they sunk down to their knees between my legs and unzipped my pants. They pulled them down and I lifted my hips up to help them, grateful that I was going to get more attention. They pulled off my sneakers and the rest of my pants and boxers, letting me free.
"Don't make a sound ok?" My eyes were glued to their lips as they set my cock in their mouth, slowly sucking on the head and rubbing their thumb against the underside. I sighed contently and relaxed against the chair. The rope didn't bother me so much now as I was much more intrigued by the tingling pleasure. They looked up at me, brown eyes full of mock innocence and wanting of praise. They looked so damn cute with their mouth full.
"Keep going...it's so good." I exhaled in a choppy breath. I was getting harder by the second and wanted them to take more of me in but I knew I hurt them pretty bad last time I used so much force. But nothing was better than having that warm wet heat of a tongue and tightness of a throat wrapped around me. My stomach was tightening a little as all the attention to the head of my cock was starting to make me too sensitive. "B-babe um, b-back off for a- hhoooollly fuck!!"
I felt it then, my cock completely disappearing down their throat in one fell suck. What the hell? They had never done that before! They popped off me and smiled. "Didn't I tell you to be quiet?"
"How can I be quiet when you just did...that!!" I yelled. "How? What? When?" I was so confused but turned on beyond belief.
They giggled and set their head on my thigh as a single finger danced around my slit. "I forgot numbing spray was a thing."
"Numb what??"
"Numbing spray. You spray it and it numbs your throat and helps your gag reflex so I can take down more of you."
"God bless America. Fucking do it again Eri."
"Ask Mommy nicely."
"Ugh! Fine!" I grit my teeth and glared at them. "Do it again...please." They looked at me, waiting. "Mommy."
That seemed to satisfy them enough and the next moment I was plunging my cock down their throat. It took my breath away and I tried to be absolutely quiet for fear of them stopping. I wanted to keep their head in place, wanted to fuck their face senseless, but these goddamn ties were stopping me. I hated them and wanted them off now.
My toes gripped against the legs of the chair and I sunk my hips a little lower, trying to angle myself to get a few thrusts in. "Baby," I cooed. Wait, fuck, they would probably want me to say that stupid word. I sighed internally and cleared my throat. "Mommy?"
Their eyes shot up to meet mine again and their sucking stopped. "Hm?" They hummed around me.
"Could you please untie me? Please? I need to touch you."
"No, you want to face fuck me." They said as they released themself from me again. Goddammit. "You're not allowed to." They kissed my tip and licked down my shaft. "But I promise if you behave you can be daddy a bit later."
That peaked my interest. "Really?"
They nodded as they kissed my balls before taking one into their mouth and their hand became busy with giving me firm strokes. I let all of the tension in my body ease once I knew I would be in control soon enough. If I had done that before I would've took notice to how eager Eri was to suck me. Usually it was a little fast and decently pleasurable but I could always tell they weren't 100% into it. It wasn't their favorite thing in the world but they did it because I liked it. But now everything was heightened and steering me closer towards an orgasm. Fuck, I didn't want to cum this soon. Though I didn't want to I had to stop them. "H-hey, not yet, ok?"
They pulled away from me and wiped the corner of their mouth. "Fair enough." They rose to their feet and took a step back before dropping their panties to the floor. I licked my lips and watched intensely as they crawled into the bed face down and ass up. They opened their knees and dipped their stomach towards the bed before sliding their fingers through their folds. They were really going to touch themselves in front of me. I growled in frustration. I was gonna spank them so hard when I got out of these ties!
"Eri!" I snapped. "You need to let me…" My voice trailed off as they dipped two fingers into their fuckable little hole, scissoring themselves open and showing me exactly where I wanted to dive into. "Let me go!"
They sighed and turned back towards me. "What part of stay quiet don't you understand?" They grabbed their panties from the floor and balled them up before grabbing my chin. I turned my head away but they managed to get my mouth open and stuffed them in. I had had it with their fucking antics but the fire in their eyes matched mine. I couldn't believe they had been hiding this side from me for so long. They were supposed to be my submissive princess and instead they were a hellfire succubus damning me to a hell of irritation, greed, and lust. I growled and tried wrapping my legs around their thighs to pull them closer but they landed a harsh slap to my leg. I was taken aback and raised an eyebrow at them. They turned away from me without another word and went over to their desk drawer, pulling out what looked like a vibrator.
They sat on the edge of the bed this time, propping their feet up and leaning onto their elbows slightly. I heard the strong whir of the vibrations and stared as they dragged it up and down their lips, occasionally dipping it into their entrance. Soft sweet little whimpers rang in my ears as their hands moved the vibrator at a slow pace. Eri started moaning my name, just a bit exaggerated to entice me further. They were driving me insane and if i didn’t touch them soon I was going to explode. My cock was already throbbing intensely almost to the point of pain. My breaths were getting heavier as Eri’s thrusting of the toy increased speed. They were squirming and rocking their hips as their hands caressed their thighs. I watched as their fingers teased the lace band of their thigh highs and traveled to rub across their inner thigh. Their fingers kept going until they covered their clit and added passionate circles to the sensitive area.
I scooted the chair closer to the bed, leaning as far as I could to hover over them. They had a sly smirk on their lips as they turned off the vibrator and popped it into their mouth to lick it clean. “You’re irritated aren’t you?” They said cockily. I nodded slowly and they sat up to kiss my mouth that was forced to stay shut. “I would say that i’m sorry but it’s fun pushing your buttons, especially because you’ve been so into punishing mine lately. I wanted to have a little fun of my own this time.”
I stood quiet trying to make it inconspicuous that I was working my tongue against the panties in order to spit them out. They looked down at my cock and licked their lips. “I guess I could think about letting you go. Or I could have some more fun by myself.”
I finally got the panties against my teeth and spit them out. “I’m not fucking playing anymore. Let. Me. Go.” I growled.
Eri looked down at the discarded thong and sighed. Their foot hit the edge of the chair, pushing it back on its wheels and taking me with it. The whir of the vibrator started up again and I was forced to continue to watch how good a some stupid plastic toy was making them feel. They were thrusting it in faster this time, trying to increase their amount of pleasure and my pain. Their hand caressed their torso, stopping just a bit to cup their breast and tweak their nipple. Their lips parted into a soft sigh that morphed into a mewl as their back arched from the bed. With every pull of the vibrator i could see Eri's body shudder weakly, the toy glistening with a thin coating of their cum. They slipped it out and pressed the tip against their clit which almost made their thighs snap shut.
"J-Johnny…" They whispered. Their hand was tangled in their hair now, trying to steady themselves from giving in too soon.
They made no attempt to move and free me and instead kept plunging the vibrator deeper to perfect the way the curve of the toy hit them. I bounced my leg impatiently, deciding that maybe I could do a little reverse psychology. If I ignored them and didn't say anything perhaps they would get frustrated and more likely to let me go. It was hard but I silenced myself and averted my gaze from the show they were putting on. It didn't take long for them to catch on as they were tempting me with calling my name out louder. I swiveled the chair around, blocking my view entirely and giving them my middle finger in exchange for their torture.
The bed creaked then and I felt their hand on my neck, tilting my head back. "You're ignoring me on purpose."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." I said, smugly.
They pressed the vibrator to my lips and worked it into my mouth so I could suck off their taste. It made me crave them even more but I continued my facade. "You do. You're playing games with me and I hate that." They grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked my head back. I bit down on my bottom lip and swallowed back the deep lustful groan that built up in my throat. Just stay focused Johnny. Stay focused.
Suddenly their bra was in my lap which meant they were only in the garter belt and thigh highs. Fucking hell. Thankfully, I finally felt the sweet release from the ropes. I stood up quickly and tossed off my shirt before rubbing my wrists. Eri backed up onto the bed and laid back with a teasing look on their face. They were waiting for my next move, wanting me to pounce on them. I decided to take my time, continuing to give them a taste of their own medicine. I casually grabbed a condom from their usual spot on their dresser and rolled it on, yawning in the process.
Eri scoffed. "Don't give me that shit, boy. Get over here now."
"Maybe I don't want to." I said flatly.
"Yeah, tell that to your dick thats swollen and literally dripping cum everywhere, slut."
That I definitely couldn't hide but I shrugged and sauntered over to them. "I can take it. After all you've made me wait all this time. Can't you be patient now?"
They yanked me onto the bed and forced me onto my back before straddling my waist. "No. What I say goes. Fuck me."
"You're wrong princess. What I say goes."
"Princess is gone tonight. Deal with it, prince." They grabbed onto my wrists and pinned them down which made me jerk uncomfortably and feel panicked. "S-sorry…" They whispered softly, breaking character for just a moment to instead hold my hands. I relaxed back and exhaled deeply, closing my eyes and trying to focus on our tense banter instead of my past. They gave me a soft kiss. "You ok?"
I nodded and pressed my forehead to theirs, giving their fingers a squeeze. "Keep going."
"Rough?"
"Rough." I agreed.
"You can tell me when to stop still. Was the rope too much?"
"A little. It made me jumpy but I can't say I wasn't distracted." I chuckled and nuzzled their face. "Cmon, mommy. Show daddy what cha got." It was completely cheesy and made us both laugh but it dissipated as soon as I felt them sink down on me. I arched up instantly, sucking in a breath as their tightness overcame me. "Fuck, Eri. I need you."
"I know you do. You always will. You're addicted to me." They bounced their hips fast, wasting no time in denying our satisfaction any longer. They were right about being addicted to them but it wasn't a habit I wanted to break. They were the only person ive ever really loved romantically and I still couldn't even tell them that. I was frustrated and disappointed at myself but what else could I do until I got the balls enough to confess?
I forwent my inner turmoil and looked up at Eri who was grinding harder into me. Their lips were pouted in a silent moan that turned into a tiny squeak once I was able to wrap my lips around their nipple. I sucked deeply, hungry, and yearning for them to cum. Their hold on my hands was weakening a bit and I used my strength to roll them over onto their back. My lips never detached from them but I gained tons of leverage to plow into them hard and hip breakingly fast. Their legs squeezed around my waist and I clamped my hands around their thighs. The feeling of the thin mesh sent chills down my spine as did the lace when my fingers ran over it. I had no idea why but I want to cum all over the stockings and soak them with thick heavy ropes.
I blushed a bit, embarrassed at my own sudden desire. That seemed way too weird...but would they let me do it? I swallowed nervously and looked down at them. "Im gonna cum the way I want, got it?" I said, putting on my stern voice.
"What makes you think I'm gonna let you cum at all?"
I sat back, stilling my thrusts for a moment. "You really think you have that power over me?"
"I know I do." They took the opportunity to capture my vulnerability and sat on my lap , wrapping their arms around me tight. "Keep going. Break me."
Christ, break them? They were going to break me. The fast pace of our shifting positions and newfound desires was leaving me in a whirlwind haze of deadly sins. I gripped onto their hips and slammed them down onto me. Heavy breaths were exchanged between us as we tried to entertain ourselves with harsh kisses, licks, and bites. It was a sloppy mess that made me dig my nails into their ass and growl deeply. "Do that again," they whispered in my ear. "Growl for me."
How did I make it not sound forced and stupid? I rarely noticed when I did it as it was all unintentional. While I was fussing with my thoughts, Eri clamped down around me tight and drew out the sound they wanted easily enough. They let out a whimper and squeezed me tighter to their chest. They sunk their teeth into my shoulder as their small body caved in and I could feel them dripping down my shaft. I kept my arm around their waist as they dug their fingers into my hair squeezing tightly but not pulling. "You ok, babe?"
They nodded quickly and finally released my shoulder from pain. "S-so good." I turned their head up towards mine and captured them in a slower kiss, letting out tongues work over one another gently. With a few small pecks they parted from me for a moment. "How do you want to cum? Don't say inside me because that's not happening again."
I shook my head. "Just...don't laugh, ok?"
They raised an eyebrow in confusion as I set them back down on the bed. I rolled off the condom and tossed it on the floor, not really giving a damn about it in this moment. I lifted their legs a bit, pressing their thighs together with just enough space for my cock to flow through them. The softness of their thighs coupled with the fabric was enough to make me go crazy. I thrusted faster, even feeling the lace caress my shaft. I clutched at their calves tightly as I felt that oh so familiar bliss creep within, this time heightened more than I could ever imagine. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, my breath weakening, and when I felt that heated tension I set their legs down and splattered my cum across the fabric.
I braced myself by placing my arms beside them and tried to catch my breath. They hadn't said a word or even made a sound since I became obsessed with getting off that way. I was almost afraid to look at them but when I opened my eyes I saw that their face was completely flushed. "I-i-i'm um...I'm sorry that was weird, I know." I said, ashamed.
"No. No. I'm...it wasn't weird. I just...I've never done that before."
"Yeah I...uh…" I pushed my hair back and flopped down on the bed beside them, preferring to just shrink away. "Sorry." I apologized again.
"Johnny…" they suddenly giggled. "I think you just leveled up your thigh high kink."
Now it was my turn to blush even more. "S-shut up! I have not!"
"Mhm, this mess says otherwise. Will you take them off for me? You can touch me as long as you want."
That offer seemed amazing but I was dead tired and I knew if I even so much as started to touch their thighs I would be rushing to cum again. Nonetheless, I did at least remove their soiled stockings and garter belt and tossed it beside the rest of our clothes on the floor. I managed to reach for my jeans and pulled out my crushed pack of cigs and lighter. Finally relaxing, I lit one up and rested beside them, realizing that maybe this new year was made for new kinks.
--
Eri's pov
We laid together for awhile, suffering through trying to catch our breath in the coldness of my room and sharing a cigarette or two as an end note to our ridiculous fucking. I was drifting into sleep thanks to the usual comforting smells of his musk and barely lingering cologne when Johnny decided to open his mouth and talk. I sighed a bit and looked up at him with my sleepy eyes, hoping he'd take the hint. "So like...me and Jae's birthdays are in a month and we're gonna have like this party so obvi you're invited but I wanted to let you know."
"Your birthday?" Fuck i still actually didnt know his birthday was. Why were we like this? "When is it?"
"Mine is on the 9th and Jae's is on the 14th. So we're doing it on the weekend. We always celebrate together."
"An aquarius…" I scoffed. "God that explains so much." I flopped onto my back and went off thinking about our actual astrological compatibility while he continued to talk about the party.
"Eri! Are you listening?!"
I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at him. "Yes! The party I got it!"
"Yeah, I know that. I asked you when your birthday is."
"Oh...um, it's October 29."
He sat up a bit and looked at me. "As in, it passed and you didn't tell me?"
"I don't really celebrate my birthday. Id much rather celebrate Halloween. Besides...October was a weird month for us…"
"Still you could've said something...how is it that we still don't know the most basic info about each other?"
I shrugged. "We thrive on shared trauma which, ya know, isn't really that great but here we are.".
"I mean we had that talk in the hotel room but I guess even that was a bit heavy with you telling me about your gay stuff…"
"The gay stuff™️." I giggled. "But yeah, I guess so. If you ask me though, knowing each other on a deeper level is better than us knowing our fave colors and birthdays."
"I can see that to some extent. I would still like to know that superficial stuff about you."
I sat up a bit, letting my hair drift over my shoulder and onto his chest. "Ok, Johnathan. I know that you're from Chicago, you're a Mama's boy, your fave color is blue, you like photography and live off of iced americanos from Starbucks. You can sing and play the piano and you're in photojournalism. And now I know you're an aquarius. So if there's any more superficial stuff you'd like me to know then have at it."
"Gee, thanks. Now you just sound like an asshole." He rolled his eyes and tried to shift away from me but I managed to wriggle my weight onto him.
"I'm serious. Go ahead and tell me. Or you can ask me a bunch of shit. 20 questions, you softie."
He sighed and set his hands behind his head. "Alright question one, what made you such a pain in my ass?"
"That's not a 'superficial' lovey question, Johnathan." I teased. "And i'm not a pain in the ass, you just like me. Admit it. I'm the majestic goddess of your dreams!"
"Oh definitely. Nothing less than a majestic goddess." He smiled as I leaned in for a kiss. "Question two, how old even are you?"
"I just turned 21."
He sat up quickly, almost knocking our heads together. "Whoa, wait, really?? You're younger than Jae! He's turning 22!"
"Well how old are you gonna be?!"
"24!"
"Oh my god, you act like it's such a big deal. Don't scare me like that. Almost everyone I fuck is older than me, except Lucas. Who cares?" I pressed him back down onto the bed and resumed my position of comfort on top of him.
"I mean like...I normally go for older chicks so it's just a bit weird…"
"Well, what they say about older people being wiser isn't always true. Especially since my young self made you have two orgasms in a row, deep throated you, made you realize that eating pussy isn't so bad, and taught you that being a daddy never felt so good."
"You're so annoying, I swear." He scoffed.
"You only say I'm annoying when I'm right, which is like all the time, so next question please."
"What's your last name?"
"Hah, funny. I have like 4, all of which you probably cant pronounce so we'll skip all those. What's your last name?"
"Suh."
"Suh?" I questioned. "Like suh' bro?"
"Like Johnny Suh." He booped my nose.
"Eri Suh wouldn't sound too bad…better than what I have now." It came out faster than I wanted to and I thought he was going to freak out but instead he pulled me to his chest and kissed my forehead.
"Yeah...maybe."
I wasn't really sure how to react to his gentleness. It felt strange but oh so comforting. Marriage wasn't my gig at all but...the name did sound cute. I pulled the covers up to my chin and settled against his warmth. "A-anyway, I'll go to your party."
"Don't sound so enthusiastic, damn." He joked.
At least he wasn't hung up on my embarrassing revelation of how our names sounded together. "But don't worry, Suh. Mommy will remember to give you 24 spankings like you deserve."
"Eri, dont you dare! You're not gonna be spanking me anytime soon!"
"You'd be surprised! Maybe you'd like being a sub!"
"Maybe I should use the panty to gag you next, hmm? I don't wanna hear your big mouth. I'm tired!"
"Oh you ass!" I giggled and playfully hit his shoulder, barely inflicting pain. He tried to slap my hands away and curl up on his side, laughing with me. When I had enough I grabbed onto him like a koala, finally becoming the big spoon I always wanted to be.
He didn't move away from me. In fact, he held onto my hand that was around his waist and sighed softly. His shoulders released their tension and I could tell that he was actually falling asleep. A giddy smile was on my lips as I nuzzled his spine happy to be the one providing him with protection for once.
--
It was hard getting closer to him without actually being a couple. We had become so close it was almost impossible to separate us. There was always a little voice in the back of my mind that screamed 'just tell him! What's the worse that could happen?!'. Heartache. Heartache was what could happen. Love is not easy. It was one of the hardest things I had to face since I broke up with Jungwoo. That was another reason I stopped myself. It was like a gut reaction that sent me into a panic when I thought about someone being in love with me.
I regret what happened. We were a cute couple. I was full of naivety and thinking my world was so sweet when I was around him, which it was. He was polite, kind, a true gentleman, and always put me first. He was literally a perfect boyfriend. He was also the first boyfriend I ever had. That threw my sexuality for a dizzying loop since I had been with my ex girlfriend for most of high school until the beginning of college. I realized that men weren't so bad (pfft, yeah right), especially my Jungwoo.
It was almost 9 months that we were together, inseparable and presenting as the white picket fence pristine couple. Waiting also came with Jungwoo as he was extremely shy when it regarded romance. We had barely kissed within those nine months but held hands like it was our job. It makes me laugh now how reserved I was back then. I was almost virginal (well technically a virgin with a real dick. Definitely not a virgin with a girl (or a fake dick)) and Jungwoo for sure was a virgin which seemed to make that moment more special when the time came. Our kisses were clumsy and awkward, our hands unsure of where to explore, and our bodies fumbled until we were connected. We nervously laughed and stared at each other and I had no idea what to make him do. We could only think of to thrust but still weren’t really sure how to make it pleasurable. I didn't know what I wanted from sex with a man and I laid there thinking most of the time instead of trying to enjoy it all. And then it happened.
Like a doomsday bomb the three little words were mumbled from his lips and I froze. See, the layers of trauma were just beginning to pile on. My girlfriend had told me she never even loved me after out five year (childlike) relationship, and now that Jungwoo had said that I feared that he was lying. He was just going to stab my heart again and laugh at my misery. No matter how nice he presented to be. That was what she did after all; was nice and then turned her back on me and destroyed what I thought was real and most important. And so I ran. I physically ran. I pushed him away, tossed on my clothes, and sped from his dorm room as fast as possible. He was confused and I didn't talk to him after. No explanation or anything. I ignored his texts, ignored when he came to my dorm, avoided him at all costs. The kicker was that he did actually love me and now I was the person that caused pain and suffering.
Thus my caution with Johnny and being terrified to say anything. I wanted to, god I really really wanted to, but the trauma and fears and of course him outright saying we wouldn't be together we're speed bumps in my recovery to love like a normal person. I still thought about confessing for the hell of it and throw myself down the rabbit hole of self hatred but I was still too scared. This was also the first time love had hit me so hard. With Jungwoo I wasn't really sure of my feelings but with Johnny it was almost like I knew right away. I had never fallen in love that fast with someone ever. He made my heart race, my body ascend of planes of absolute bliss I could never imagine myself being on. He made me laugh, feel safe, listened to me, and was there through my personal disasters and didn't budge. He didn't care about what had happened to me. It was almost as if he found it normal since we had similar stories. I wanted him so bad. I needed him.
I sighed as my tornado of thoughts about love hit me all at once in the parking lot of Johnny's apartment complex. It was the night of his party and I wasn't going to ruin it by being a crying mess as soon as he rejected me after my confession. I stepped out of the car and slammed the door shut, squaring my shoulders and taking a deep breath to put on my brave face and stuff my feelings away. I mean how could I be Eri if I actually talked about my feelings.
I shuffled my feet against the ice, trying not to fall as I made my way to the door of the building. I fucking hated winter. I was an island baby, what the hell was I supposed to do with a giant pile of frozen hatred? I made it safely and went to Johnny's apartment. The door was open and I let myself in, looking around at the people already dancing and mingling. I tried to find him but couldn't really see him anywhere, which was weird since the apartment wasn't that big. I went to his room, pushing past a few people to look for him there. The room was empty though and I simply unzipped my coat and tossed it on his mattress.
"Hey."
I turned and expected to see my birthday boy but it was Lucas. My heart immediately felt like it was a piece of paper that got crunched into a ball to throw in the trash can. "Hey…"
"Can we...talk? Please?"
"About what?"
"What happened between us."
"Lucas, I came here to have a good time not be bombarded with sadness."
"I know but you're ignoring me every other way so I need to do this. Please."
Great. Exactly what I needed. "Go on."
He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. We both sat down on the bed and I waited for him to start. "Eri, I am so sorry for what I made you feel. Like incredibly, totally, irreparably, sorry for what I did. I didn't think it was a big deal but I was being selfish and only thinking about my fun. It never even crossed my mind that it would hurt you so much, which of course was a problem. Then you stopped talking to me and I realized I could actually lose you. I don't want to lose you. That's the very last thing I want Eri. You mean so much to me and Quinn definitely beat it into my brain that I was an asshole. I just hope you can forgive me. Maybe not today but somewhere down the road. I miss hanging out with you. I miss laughing with you and cuddling you and all that stuff. I know you're in love with Johnny so we can't be friends with benefits anymore but I don't care about that. I want you. The three of us, back together again. Me, you, and Quinn."
He took a deep breath and rubbed his palms against his jeans, seemingly to wipe the sweat off. I didn't know what to say. I set my elbows on my knees and leaned forward to cup my face in my hands. I wanted to scream. Of fucking course this would be the first thing that hits me. I did love my Lucas puppy. I love him too much. I hated not talking to him or tagging him in stupid memes. I would go to the ends of the Earth for him. I could hear the remorse in his voice and see the pained look in his eyes and it made me want to scream. He did the least amount of damage compared to Yuta and Ten, and he was the only one who apologized. It was a lot to think about but I caved in.
"I forgive you Lucas." His eyes lit up in that excited puppy way which made me crack a small smile. "It's hard but I do forgive you. I miss you."
"Fuck! Eri!" He tackled me back onto the bed and gave me a strong hug, crushing me in his long arms.
"Lucas! Argh- Jesus! Are you gonna let me breathe?!"
"Oh sorry!" He pulled away from me and I sat back up again. "I'm just so happy to be with you again. I love you."
"I love you too " It was so nice and easy to say that to him, why couldn't it be the same with Johnny. Lucas laid his head on my shoulder and I pet his hair back. It may be weird to try and go back to being normal but I felt confident enough that we could make it work. It was years of investment into our relationship and admittedly tons of nights of passion and intense love that would go down in the history of my little black book. It was hard to let him go and I couldn't do that just yet.
"Can we hang out soon?" He asked.
"Yeah, maybe. I have a lot on my mind right now…"
"With Johnny?"
I sighed. "Yeah. I don't know what to do anymore. I love him but I don't know if I can tell him yet."
"You have to Eri. It just seems like it's killing you."
"It is but what if it hurts? What if it backfires? What if I just become an irreparable mess?"
"If he fucks you up I'll beat his ass. Quinn will beat his ass. You don't have to worry about that."
"Violence is not going to solve my heartache, Lucas. It's not going to make me feel better if he rejects me."
"Look," Lucas sat up and held onto my shoulders. "You're a risk taker. You're always doing new and cool shit. Johnny would be stupid to pass up the chance to be with you. Besides I know someone who would jump on the opportunity to be with you."
"God Lucas don't tell me it's you. Please, I don't need that "
"I mean yes but also no." He laughed. "It's not me exactly but you just let me know what Johnny says, ok? I make sure you won't go through that alone." He kissed my forehead and gave me a death grip hug. "Text me, whenever you do it. I'll have my bat ready just in case."
"When did you become such an adult? What happened to my goofy baby boy?" I half joked. He had grown up a lot in the past year and I was proud of him, especially for making the decision to talk it out with me.
He shrugged. "I can't stay a kid forever. I like having fun but I know when things are important and need to be fixed. I know when I'm wrong." He kissed me gently and pressed his forehead to mine. "One last one before you're with him forever." I shouldn't have. It felt like I was betraying Johnny but then again we weren't together. I cupped Lucas' face in my hands and kissed him slowly, feeling that familiar comfort we had in being with one another. I sighed softly into his mouth before falling into his chest. He kissed the top of my head then patted my shoulder. "Let's get back out there. We can at least celebrate his birthday which by the way you owe me for mine!"
"I know, I missed yours. I will make it up to you when we hang out. I'll cook for you."
He gave me a great big smile. He loved food and that was the key to his heart. "Hell yeah! You're a great cook! I'll hold you to it."
We both got up from the bed and made our way towards the door. When he exited the room he gave me one last kiss on the cheek before we parted. I exhaled deeply, trying to pretend I was okay but all of that hit me in the first part of the night and it was a mess. I attracted messes. Messy messes that just came with suffering. But now it was time to look for Johnny and hopefully he could make me feel a little better. I maneuvered through people as I searched but instead caught sight of Yuta. My heart stopped when he looked at me and just across from his was Taeyong. Why were they here? Johnny couldn't have possibly invited them. I was falling into panic mode already and wanted to run.
I felt strong arms wrap around me and a kiss on my cheek. “There you are! I was looking for you. When did you get here?” I turned and held onto Johnny happily. I was glad to be in his arms again.
"I got here not too long ago but Im gonna go. I don't think I can be here." I said with a shaky voice.
Johnny looked me, concerned. "Why? What's going on?"
"I saw Yuta and Taeyong and I just talked to Lucas and it's just a lot right now."
"I can kick them out if you want. Im not even sure how they got here. Must've tagged along with someone else."
"No, no. It's fine. I don't want to cause drama at another party. It's your birthday. I want you to have fun."
"Yeah, but I wanna have fun with you. If you don't wanna stay we can go somewhere else." He said as he set his arms around me.
"This is your party, Johnny. You should stay."
"Fuck it. Come on. We'll just do our own thing. I don't care as long as I'm with you." He took my hand before I could even protest and headed towards the front door. I managed to snag my coat at the last second and got dragged along until we arrived at his car. I had no idea where he was taking me but I trusted him enough to let him lead the way. Our pinkies remained linked as he drove one handed and slowly my anxiety evaporated into the winter air. Eventually we came across an abandoned building where Johnny parked.
"Oh great, you're gonna kill me. You know, I was supposed to be the serial killer in this relationship." I said as I stared at the dilapidated structure.
"Shut up." He joked and sucked his teeth. "I think this place is really cool and I thought you would like it because its all spooky and shit."
"Well you got me there. It does look cool." He got out the car and I pulled my coat tighter, finding my beanie and gloves in the pocket. I put those on too and got out, hearing the untouched snow crunch beneath my boots. The quietness of the night was magical and a breath of fresh air. Small snowflakes fluttered down from the sky and it made me feel like a kid again. I stuck my tongue out and tried to catch the flakes, spinning around and holding out my arms. I normally didn't like winter but there were times where snow was so scenic and pristine that it made me utterly happy.
In the midst of the quietness I heard clicking and turned around to see Johnny's professional camera in his hands. "What are you doing?" I asked.
He simply shrugged. "Nothing."
"Where did you get that camera from? Why are you taking pictures of me?"
"I had it in my car after I went through the park a couple days ago. And because I like taking pictures of beautiful things."
My face flushed deeply and my eyes went wide. He...he just called me beautiful. The shutter went off again and I rushed to his side. "Why'd you take it then?!"
He chuckled and squeezed me to his chest. "Your reaction. It was natural and I wanted to capture that." He sniffled against the cold.
I buried my face in his chest and clutched onto him. "You're a big dumb dummy head…"
"Oh yeah? I hear you like big dumb dummy heads." He bent down to playfully kiss at my neck and cheek, making me giggle.
"Maybe I do. But only certain ones. Certain cheesy dorky ones."
"Im not dorky! Im cool."
"Only dorks say that they're cool." I kissed his frozen nose, making him wrinkle it. "You're freezing. You didn't even bring a jacket. All you have are your sweats."
He pulled his hoodie over his head and shrugged. "I'm alright. Are you warm enough?"
"No, not really. You wanna take cute pictures of me freezing my ass off!" I playfully hit his chest then wrapped my arms around his neck. "Should we head back? Maybe we can go to my apartment and chill there instead?"
"Mhm yeah and you can give me my birthday sex."
I rolled my eyes. "Who said you're getting any birthday sex?"
"Daddy did." He nuzzled my neck, just beneath my jaw and nipped ever so slightly.
I returned my blushing face to his chest to hide my embarrassment. "S-shut up and let's get back."
He laughed and opened the door for me first before heading over to the driver's side. I shut the door and settled into the seat while he tried to turn over the engine, except it kept stalling. "FUCKFUCKFUCK. Not now!" He hit the steering wheel and let out an exasperated sigh.
"What's wrong? Why won't it start?"
"Sometimes when it's too cold my engine freezes up and won't start. Normally I can get some hot water and pour it on but we're shit out of luck now."
"Oh my god. You and your piece of shit car! I do not want to be stuck here in this cold!" I pulled out my phone quickly and checked my battery. I had forgotten to charge the damn thing and it was barely at 10 percent. "Wonderful. What's your phone at?"
Johnny dug into the pocket of his sweatpants and checked it. It was nothing but a black screen. "Welp, that's great. It's dead."
"UGHHH!" I quickly typed out a text to Quinn, hoping that I had enough battery to tell them to come get us. "If Jae jump starts your car will that work?"
"Yeah, it will. Did you get through to them?"
"It sent but hopefully they see it soon and aren't in the middle of giving Jae his birthday sex." I rolled my eyes and sat back in the seat. "My phone might not make it until they reply."
"Let's hope for the fucking best. I have no idea what else to do."
"I guess we fucking suffer." I said bitterly. I crossed my arms over my chest and pulled my hood up to try and burrow myself away. It didn't work as well and I was still shivering. Johnny was too and he kept rubbing his hands together to try and generate warmth.
"You wanna u-uh...get in the back seat and try and like cuddle to warm up?” He said as his teeth chattered.
It was better than nothing. I nodded and worked my way into the backseat the hard way instead of just getting out of the car and jumping back in. I always had to do things the hard way. Johnny joined me (the smart way) and instantly stuck to my side. I opened my coat and tried to get him in. He laid his head on my chest and wrapped his arms around me, shivering every so often. I leaned back against the door giving him more room to lay down on the seat. His hair was still damp from the snowfall and chilled my lips as I kissed the top of his head. His hands roamed south to rub my thighs, sliding over my leggings and beneath the black sweater dress I wore. “You better behave.” I said sternly, knowing that he would get too eager to be between them again.
“It'll help us keep warm. I swear.”
“Uh-huh. You’re just obsessed with them.”
“I’m obsessed with everything about your body. It’s amazing.”
“Shut it. Why are you giving me so many compliments today? You’re making me feel all...like my stomach is doing weird things.”
He looked up at me and nibbled his lip for a moment. “It’s doing weird things to my stomach too.”
“Then stop.” I whined. I didn’t want him to play games with my emotions. Not while I was freezing in his damn car, stuck in the middle of an unknown part of town, ready to die at any second. Okay, that last part was a bit far fetched but it felt like it.
“I don’t think I want to.” His voice was much softer then and he sat up to look me in the eyes. I wanted to avoid him at all cost but something in his eyes held me in place. Everything seemed different for some unknown reason. Nothing was special about being stuck in a car but the air around us started feeling a bit tense; a little sexual, a little nervous, and a little awkward. “Can I kiss you?”
“W-what? I mean yeah, you’re always okay to kiss me.” That was a strange question. The first time we kissed he took it from me without so much as a single word. Now after six months he was asking me as if we had just started seeing each other. I tried to clear my head as I felt his lips against mine. It was still a perfect Johnny kiss even with the strange feeling before it. Bit by bit I relaxed into him, settling onto the seat as he crawled onto me. His cold hands slid up my dress making me gasp as it touched my much warmer skin.
He buried himself in my neck and whispered an apology between kisses. He adjusted me as much as he could to settle between my legs. It was much easier to feel him grind into me in sweatpants than it was in his usual tight jeans and it instantly made my body react. I was a sweet symphony of soft whimpers as he ground his hips into me deeper. I grabbed onto his ass and worked him forward to greedily add more friction between us. Occasionally he would free my skin from his lips to moan when I hit a particularly sweet spot.
"Can I, um, eat y-you out again?" He asked suddenly.
I pulled away from him and gave him a surprised look. He hadn't done it since Christmas and I assumed once was enough even though he said he enjoyed it. I wasn't expecting this out of him. "O-oh...well sure. Make sure to keep my thighs warm though, ok?"
He nodded like an excited puppy and stared at me. I stared back wondering why the hell he was stalling.
"Uh you gonna take off your pants or what?" Johnny asked.
"Oh shit! Sorry. Hold on." Duh, of course that's what he was waiting for. It took me forever to unlace my boots and kick them off given the minimal space we had especially since the driver's seat was pushed all the way back to accommodate his stupid long legs and I was directly behind it. Once my feet were finally free I wriggled out of my leggings, having a moment where I jammed my foot into the back of the seat. Who even thought car sex was a good idea ever?
"You good?"
I nodded and resumed my spot laying down on the seat with one leg hanging off it. Johnny worked himself between my legs again and thankfully moved his heated tongue through my slit. He caressed his slightly rough hands over my thighs and dug his face deeper into me. "That's good, baby…" I mewled. He seemed to have taken the criticism from last time seriously, putting it into full effect. He was slower this time but keeping a good pace, sucking on my clit before flicking his tongue against it. I grabbed onto his hand that rested on my thigh and folded our fingers together. I gave him a gentle squeeze and edged my hips up slightly.
"That good?"
I nodded and begged him to keep going. He pushed his tongue into me then, circling around my entrance and thrusting against the beginnings of my walls. His thumb brushed against the left side of my hip, rubbing the sensitive erogenous zone. My legs were beginning to quiver and I wanted to grind into his face but was unsure how he'd feel about that just yet. I figured it might overstimulate him and didn't want him to have a panic attack. So I left him at his own pace unsure if I should ask for more. "Can I…" He cleared his throat and didn't look me in the eye. "Can I use my fingers now?"
"Y-yessss." I hissed in a shallow breath. "Put them in my mouth first?"
He nodded and slipped them in while he shoved his sweatpants down a little lower to rest beneath his cock. As I sucked deeply I creept my legs towards my chest to press my thighs together. Johnny took the hint and I was sure he used a bit of my cum and his saliva to wet himself enough to pass through my thighs. I knew it was needed but hated thinking about the process and tried to occupy my mind with the way his fingers just barely tickled the back of my throat. Johnny rocked himself upward this time, brushing against my clit before bursting through the barrier my thighs made. I gasped around his fingers and gripped his wrist tighter, moaning eagerly.
He continued those electrifying thrusts that made my toes curl and calves tense. He was nothing but a string of soft curses, tossing his head back in utter bliss. He moved faster as his desire grew and made my clit throb with all the attention it was getting, making it almost too sensitive. If he kept this up, and I knew he would want to do this for hours, he would cum too fast. I parted from his hand and set my own on his shoulder. "W-wait. You're getting too excited."
He groaned and pouted. "I am not. I'm not gonna bust a nut that quick."
"One, don't ever say that again. Two, just relax for a bit. You always get so worked up."
"I just want you so fucking bad. It's cold, you're hot. Just let me be inside you."
I went to say something but shut my mouth quickly. Well damn. I opened my legs once more and grabbed a hold of his cock to guide him towards me. I was able to see him stretch me apart until he was fully seated inside, both of us sighing in contentment. He lowered himself to rest flush against my body, making sure his warmth covered every inch of me. He pressed our lips together and I wrapped my arms around his back, falling deeply into his passionate kiss.
He began his descent into a perfect rhythm of push and pull, filling me until he couldn't go any further. That stretch that made my stomach ache always brought fluttering wings inside me, even more so when he paired it with sucking my bottom lip between his. His hand set itself over my covered breast and squeezed, rubbing his thumb over my nipple. I still felt the motion and grabbed onto his sweatshirt tighter as I whimpered softly. Suddenly I heard a thud and Johnny stopped moving.
"Ow! Fuck!" He pulled away and held the top of his head as he had hit it on the door, wincing slightly.
I tried to stifle my laugh and pulled him closer so I could kiss the top of his head. "Aww, baby, are you okay?"
"Yeah. Stupid car isn't made for tall people."
"We could switch positions if you want." I offered which he quickly shut down.
"No, I like this one. It's fine." He grabbed onto the door instead, bracing himself to prevent any further incidents. He resumed his thrusting and I hid my giggling smile. I lifted myself onto my elbows to make it easier for him and to try and prevent any more accidents. I hooked my legs over the back of his thighs and from this position I was closer to his face and could plant kisses all over his lips, cheek, and neck, to soothe his damaged klutzy ego. He was avoiding looking at me, though I loved watching the way his body worked against mine.
His eyes remained squeezed shut and I convinced myself it was because of his embarrassment or that he was concentrating on his motions. I reminded myself that I should do the same and not worry so much about what he was thinking or if he was truly hurt. By the way he was slowly penetrating me I figured he was all for us staying connected. That was when I actually took notice of his speed. It was slow; more gentle than usual, almost as if he was trying to make love to me. My heart started racing then. This was way more intimate than I ever thought and not because of the close quarters of the car. What the hell was happening?
"J-johnny?"
"Do y-you like it this w-way?" He stuttered.
"Well...um...yeah it's nice. You can move faster if you want." I tried to break that too close for comfort feeling but he only shook his head and buried his face in the crook of my neck.
"No. This feels too damn good. I can feel everything inside you." He breathed out. My whole body seemed to flush with fever and I had no idea what to do now. My eyes drifted to the frost covered window as if it was a magic mirror that could tell me my true desires. This was even different than the times we had sleepy sex. My head was starting to get hazy with overthinking and I could barely concentrate on how he was making my body feel.
"Johnny are you ok?" Maybe something was wrong with how he was feeling. After all this was for the sake of warming up in the winter stampede. Going faster would speed up our body's adaptation to comfort.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and ignored my question which made me press my hand to his chest to stop him. "Johnny." I said sternly.
"What?"
"Answer my question."
"Don't ask it. I'm ok."
"Yeah but you just seem a bit strange."
"How am I strange?" He asked. I could tell that there was slight irritation in his voice. "We fuck all the time."
"But this isn't fucking…"
"What do you mean it's not fucking? My dick is inside you. Were fucking."
"No, no…" I said softly. "It's like...you're making love to me…"
"W-what? No! Absolutely not! Im just...it's just…"
"Why are you doing this?"
"I'm not doing anything, Eri. Just focus. Am I making you feel good or not?"
"Yeah…too good."
Our eyes met then though he avoided them quickly. It was futile to try and get through to him. I sighed and started rocking my hips again, diverting both of our attentions to trying to get off. He pressed his hand against the small of my back, edging me as close as possible as he sat back on his knees. "That's good." I sighed into his shoulder. "Keep going."
He groaned deeply before he continued. "Where do you want me to cum?"
"Wait, you're close already?"
"No! I just wanted to know ahead of time."
"Oh...uh...I guess I could just swallow?"
"You hate doing that."
I pouted a bit. "Yeah well where the hell else you gonna do it?! It'll be a mess if it's anywhere else."
"Ok, cool."
I threw up my hands and huffed. "What the hell is wrong with you?! This is driving me crazy! Just fuck me! Please!" Don't make me think about all the fucking feelings I have for you, you goddamn bastard. Just don't.
"I don't want to fuck right now! Can't I go slower?!"
"Since when do you want to go slower?! The last few times we've fucked it's been hard and fast. What's the change of attitude?"
"Jesus Christ! I just want to- I mean like it doesn't always have to be like that!" He exclaimed.
"Johnny, seriously, what's wrong?!"
"Nothing!! I just love you, ok?!"
#Johnny Fanfic#JOHNNY SMUT#johnny suh#johnny#nct 127 fanfic#johnny nct#NCT 127#nct 127 fanfiction#NCT#messy#johnny seo#johnny suh fanfic#johnny suh fanfiction#johnny seo fanfic#johnny seo fanfiction
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hp update: its ur favorite tumblr user back at it again with another great post. thats right, as promised here is a more in depth look at the recent dragon themed time sensitive event!
this event takes place in year 6. bill is graduated but has been coming back to the school periodically to teach us bootleg DADA just like harry did in the books. it is on one such occasion that bill lets it slip that his next job from gringotts involves him going to the dragon reserve that we know charlie will eventually work at. bill had not told charlie about this job prior to this discussion precisely because of what happens next, which is that charlie wants to go.
this brings me back to year 4 days with the first charlie focused sidequest, where we scrounged up money to by what may or may not have been a dragon egg (it was not) from a strange man who had been seen trying to approach other unaccompanied minors walking around hogsmeade. this pure of dragon centric heart, but dumb of dragon centric ass quality was what made me start liking charlies character in the game in the first place. he begins negging his older brother in a way that is very familiar to me as a younger sibling. i as the mc of course jump on the bandwagon with charlie immediately.
bill sounds very defeated in this part because he knows the negging wont end, and/or knows that he will eventually cave to charlies demands. “no you cant come.” he says with a sigh.
but well see about that, because charlie and i go ambush bill at work to ask again.
as stated previously bill works at gringotts bank, which is run by goblins. i already had access to the location diagon alley, but before this event gringotts itself was closed to me. newly unlocked, charlie and i walk inside. unlike the hogwarts kitchens, it does not feel like walking into hell for me to do this. unlike house elves which only have 1 basic model used for every elf except for the 1 named elf, there is some variety in the goblin designs. there appears to be one basic goblin face that i can tell, but its paired with several different outfits and hairstyles, giving them the illusion of originality typically spent on unnamed background characters. there are also 3 named goblin characters with all their own stuff.
the first is obviously griphook, the only real goblin character from the books. hes bills supervisor. in the books hes a pretty unlikable guy but here, though hes not nice exactly, he seems at least kind of chill. he doesnt kick charlie or me out for barging in and says its ok for us go on the mission with bill. its nice to see him unstressed.
the other 2 goblins are the perhaps, hopefully, cool ones. one is younger than the rest and has some friendly dialog with you and his other named goblin friend, who possibly exists so the first one has someone to banter with. they dont do anything else this event but gringotts stays open after the event is completed so hopefully they will come back again and get their own plotlines.
anyway, charlie and i harass bill at work for a bit. his boss comes in, hears our plea, and doesnt immediately tell us to leave. instead he tells us the rundown of bills mission: a long time ago a goblin boasted that he could craft a golden dragon egg that would be indistinguishable from the real thing. he did, and it was. so much so that a dragon destroyed his house and stole it, i think he died in the process.
“so,” says griphook, “that is why we must send you, 18 year old we just hired, to go to a remote location filled with dragons by yourself to rifle through their nests and bring back what is rightfully ours. no we dont know which dragon took the egg or even the type. yes you can bring your little brother and his friends.”
sounds legit. charlie and i convince bill to not only let us come with him, but also our other classmates from his DADA class due to scheduling mishaps. we go gather the rest of the class to tell them about this but only merula, penny, and barnaby show up and so only they get to go on the field trip, which is convenient because otherwise wed have half the school out there and that would be entirely too many characters for the devs to write at once.
we borrow the same tent the canon characters will eventually use in all their camping shenanigans in the book from hagrid and get to the dragon reserve via portkey. the reserve now appears on the stairs screen as a permanent new location, not a fleeting one as i once thought. theres dragons flying all around, majestic as hell.
its too late in the day to start searching so we set up camp and settle in, roast marshmallows, barnaby tells a story about a vampire broomstick. then we go inside the tent and play truth or dare. im asked to pick at one point which of my friends id most like to have with me if i were to get lost in the woods. i pick barnaby because hes the one who asked, but really id probably want merula there more. barnaby is supposed to be into dueling but ive never seen him in a real fight. ive seen merula take a Cruciatus curse and then get up and walk. pennys whole thing is potions too. i thought this choice would be relevant to something in the event but it was not.
in the truth or dare game, merula gets bill to tell some embarrassing stories about charlie as a kid. he talks about charlie putting wings on their rat and a dragon mask on their owl, pretending that they are real dragons. everyone laughs. this his a cord with charlie though and he storms out. we wrap up truth or dare and go to bed.
the next day we begin the search.charlie has not come back yet. we realize this and begin freaking out, start looking for him instead. we scare a mother dragon off its nest for unfathomable reasons. eventually we hear charlies voice coming from inside a cave. we go in, charlie is alive and uneaten, but has a broken leg. he ran off to find the egg by himself in order to prove himself as teen boys are wont to do. bill and i then realize the other 3 didnt follow us into the cave, and a big ol dragon walks in. i gotta fight it singlehandedly while bill heals charlie in the back.
the boss fight was actually pretty hard. it took me like 5-6 tries to beat the dang thing thing. much enjoyment many high stakes. i put a sleeping spell on it to stop its attack at the end, though i had the option to use the Cruciatus curse which seems a little intense, game. then the other 3 run in and are like cool your safe! sorry we couldnt help u fight the dragon, there was a dragon. im like “yes, understandable.”
bill had given up on finding the egg at this point, but then charlie finds it! its a gold egg. in retrospect this egg might have been the egg that will inspire the gold egg stealing challenge in hp book 4 but i forget if that was inspired by a story or not.
then we have a cool down level with bill and charlie, where they both apologize, and charlie says what he did was stupid, but i insist its wasnt stupid it was cool and good even though that is factually wrong because thats what i would say in real life regardless. bill and charlie promise to never speak of this trip again, especially not to their mom.
the last level is us going back to gringotts and regaling griphook with the tale of our journey, including the marshmallow and truth or dare bits. he says “great job, teens!” and then we all jump up in the air and the theme song plays as we freeze midair and the colors fade to black and white. we all learned some valuable dragon based lessons today friends. it took me 2 full hours to write this and i have to wake up at 6 tomorrow.
#hp#sirius business#hphm#harry potter hogwarts mystery#hogwats mystery#dragon#charlie weasley#bill weasley#penny haywood#merula snyde#barnaby lee#goblins#goblin#griphook#rambling#Thoughts
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Get To Know Me
tagged by @ashtcnirwin you’re so cute anna!! thank you for these
1. what was your first encounter with fanfiction?
my first encounter with fan fic was on the-n.com for the show Instant Star and the ship was Tommy and Jude but it was written in like message boards lmao
2. your favourite creation of your own of all time if you create stuff (feel free to link it)?
my angsty cashton fic which you can find here
3. what vibe are you going for with your home decor (or what vibe do you wanna go for one day, if you don’t have your own place atm)?
queer as fuck lol. no seriously i want it to be eclectic, organized chaos with lots of color and plants hippie meets gays with lots of music everywhere
4. first fandom you ever joined? what was it like? on what platform did it happen?
first fandom i joined was here on tumblr and it was the killers back in 2010. i def flew under the radar and just kind of did my own thing. i never really got involved.
5. what are your sun, moon and rising signs, and do you think they make sense in relation to how you know yourself?
I am a Scorpio Sun, Libra Moon, and Sagittarius Rising. I have to be real I dont know v much about zodiac stuff so if anyone has insight on this im up to hearing it
6. if you write and/or read fiction (original or fanfiction), do the tropes/plots/character types you typically seek out to read and/or write about reflect something about you as a being or how you see the world?
if we’re talking about smutty stuff i would say that the fic i seek out is v indicative of my kinks/what turns me on lol but other non-smutty fic i tend to be drawn to a lot of slow burns and angst which i think might be because of all the trauma ive faced in my life. i like the realism in it because if its too fluffy or happy i get sad that life isnt really like that.
7. what is the hardest obstacle you’ve had to overcome so far in life?
my dad passing away. he was my favorite person in my life and i will miss him every day until my last breath
8. what is your all time favourite song(s)?
Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N Roses, Lucky One by Amy Grant, The Rain Song by Led Zeppelin, Just Hold On by Louis Tomlinson. I could go on and on but if you wanna follow me on Spotify you can do so here
9. what do you look for in a person you wanna keep in your life, be it a friend or a romantic partner or anything in between?
Genuinity: someone who is the same no matter who they’re around. Honesty: not just in word but in action and in thought. Living and speaking your truth. Loyalty: having someone that’s “my person” and will be on my side and back me up when I need it. Kindness: someone who is acts in love at all times and isnt vindictive or hurtful just to do it or because its “funny”. But also someone who is dedicated to making me a better person and will call me out when I need it.
10. this is a bit of a difficult one, but have you ever had a moment of clarity, a conversation with someone that made you go “oh!”, or anything along those lines?
the moment of clarity that sticks out the most was when i realized i was a lesbian. i had been on the fence that maybe i was bisexual or pansexual. but i was in a bar and had been eyeballing a girl all night. my friend was with me and she was my wingman and went over to the girl and told her i wanted to dance but didnt tell me. so im sitting there minding my business and the girl comes up to me and pulls me off my bar stool and says something like “your friend told me you wanted to dance with me” and she basically lead me around the dancefloor to Hotel California by The Eagles. It was a moment that i realized i had never felt that kind of peace and attraction and happiness at that level that i ever had with the 2 male relationships i had.
tagging @thursday-knight @creampiecashton @queenie-004 @eternalgoldfish
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welcome 2 my twisted mind ex dee ?
PREFERRED NAME — james uwu
PRONOUNS — she/they
AGE — 20
TIMEZONE — est
HOW OFTEN ARE YOU ONLINE? — everyday all day usually hjfdnkmg
HOW DID YOU HEAR OF WATERSHED? — i actually first found lockwood while going through the recommended blogs on mobile when you search up things via it (i think it was ‘new rp’ tht i searched) n then the next i checked they’d gone ovr to watershed n then there were Other Things bt i didnt end up joining until a few weeks or like a month later impulsively n now its been many months n im still here BJDNSKFMG love u guys
DISCORD — sniff #3644 where im also always online
OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — musing @svrgcnts n my pinterest is ‘big tid’ or offbrandsodapop uuuhh i dont think theres anything else!
MYER-BRIGGS — infp turned istp we call tht character growth
HP HOUSE — i honestly dont know anymore ive gotten all of the houses before bt ive just taken a test n i got slytherin so like :///
ZODIAC — aquarius!
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — not to the point where it dictates who i like / dislike
DO YOU ENJOY ASTROLOGY? — ya im a slut for when things tell me what im supposed to be like bc i dont have a sense of identity
HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — uh like 19 bt ive been rping since i was 10
WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — early 2018 so actually i might’ve been 18 for a lil bit DJNKFLG
NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — listen i’ve had many, many good experiences bt for some reason what came to mind first was a weird owner/slave smut rp tht i stumbled across (never joined bc im ... not like that) n i was just rly baffled by the concept even tho ik its a Thing bc i thought smut rps died out like in 2017 BJDNFKMG
WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — i want a fucking capybara
WHAT PET DO YOU GENUINELY CONSIDER GETTING SOMEDAY? — i want a cat even though im rly allergic to them
NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — the apocalypse made me brave by girlfriends
NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — um probably like ,,, the crucible ,,,
NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — god i dont know i’m not hard to please bt i wont lie i also like ... didn’t finish half the books i was supposed to read in high school. of mice & men maybe ... i hated books that didn’t do much n just wrote a whole bunch of nothing even tho i like those books now ... i think bc they were for school ... outside of school i hated the hazelwood n i think that the grisha trilogy is a bit. weak. bt i love six of crows. n also the um. theres this one YA series tht i never read bt i can tell i dont like NJKSMDFFDG
WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT? — schitt’s creek DSJKNFDGF um i’ve also been watching gossip girl a lot & also asoue & also also i just started watching um end of the f***ing world n its very good so ?? i watched the first episode of his dark materials n i liked it n i havent finished looking for alaska bt its also very good
WHAT FILM DID YOU LAST WATCH? DID YOU LIKE IT? — uuuhh i think it was scream tbh ??? and ya it was p swell
FAVOURITE QUOTE — im a slut for anne carson bt i cant name any quotes directly rn i have rocks for brains
LINK TO A VINE / TIK TOK / VIDEO THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this immediately came to mind
DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — i used to write outside of rp bt i havent in ages bt when i do its usually like modern magic / urban fantasy / whatevr those kinda elements n abt faeries bc i like faeries
THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL LOVE & TRUST — jenna marbles, micarah tewers, and uh ,,, claire frm bon apetit
A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — cary elwes ... andrew scott ... anne hathaway ... first three tht came to mind
EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — no bt david dobrik was in miami and i was NOT and im UPSET bc i want his MONEY
WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am not in pain. thats it thats all
A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — jeffrey epstein was murdered haha jk thats not a conspiracy theory thats FACTS
ARE ALIENS REAL? — ya sure why not
PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — lily’s garden please play im level 1241
PLAY ANY OTHER GAMES? WHICH ONES? — i played all the bioshock games n rly enjoyed them ... deponia the entire series which is still my favorite video game 2 this day
WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — i never finished my rewatch of the golden compass bt thats just bc i didnt feel like finishing it uuuh ... i dont know i enjoy things too easily
DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — buttons n seashells and rocks and flowers until theyre dead and then i collect dead flowers and then empty glass bottles that look kinda cool and jewelry boxes or tin containers and i used to kiss an index card every time i wore lipstick and kept it, i had over 100 filed away for no reason at all bt i lost them & then i also collect condoms :/
WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — i wna learn how 2 make jewelry n like ,,, embroidery bt i know how to embroider i just wanna get back into it n i wna learn like. knowledge. academic stuff too bt im also too lazy and im just a dumb old horse so :/
THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian n french n ig spanish too
MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — shrek ? austin powers ? princess diaries / elle enchanted ?? halloweentown n all the sequels ??
NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — shawn spencer frm psych, veronica mars, penelope garcia frm criminal minds, mike myers’ cat in the hat, dr. evil frm austin powers bt also his son scott evil, scooby doo probably, daria ??? i relate to my dog bodhi :/ puddles the clown
IS THERE ANY MEDIA (BOOK/MOVIE/GAME/TV SHOW) YOU FEEL CHANGED YOU IN SOME WAY? — six of crows / fleabag / deponia theyve all made me cry before bt like. continuously cry.
DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no.
HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — um. redacted
PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — big fish directed by tim burton go stare at danny devito’s bare ass do it do it do it i never even finished the movie i dont think BJNSKDMLFG
TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? (IF NOT APPLICABLE, WHO DO YOU LIKE MOST IN THE TWILIGHT SERIES) — edward
LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — um thts rly hard bc i dont know bt i have a ticket so let me just check ,,, the joker i went n saw the joker
DO YOU STILL READ FOR FUN? — occasionally bt i dont have motivation so
IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — n/a BDKFJ
ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 5 bt thats just bc im not feeling gr8 today
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Another Love TKO
I just read your text post about the dude you liked and it made me think of a situation that happened with me and this girl i had a huge crush on at my college.
I'm pretty sure it was fall semester 2017, i had walked to my building for class like i always did, i had my headphones in like always and was early to my class like always.
(quick side note) idk about you but im introverted, the reason i mention that is because me being as introverted as i am, im very observant. I notice everything around me, i notice peoples faces, the clothes they wear, im just a very observant person. I dont talk that much, and i never walk around with my face in my phone like everyone seems to do these days, im always, always in deep thought, and deep observation.
Anyways, i get to class hella early and i have my headphones in and im just chilling, when all of a sudden i see the most beautiful girl i have ever seen at my college, i mean, she was stunning. her hair was curly, and it was in a bun, her skin was golden and she had a bandana that was a mixture of red, black, and green. she had those gold and black suede pumas that was popular around that time.
Her arms were criss crossed across her chest and she was carrying her books. in the 5 seconds it took for her to pass me i picked up her whole vibe. she walked past me and didnt even know i existed. but i didnt give a shit, i was absolutely blown away by how gorgeous this girl was. when i say she was the most THE most beautiful girl i had ever seen at my college... i mean it.
She walked past and it was like slow motion, i stopped my music and said to myself, "damn who is that"?! and that slow motion shit stopped and time was regular again, i was like "aigh i have to get to know her". so i literally looked at the time to make sure that every tuesday/ thursday i was at that exact spot just so i could get a glimpse of her. and sure enough every tuesday/ thursday i saw what i thought would be my future wife.
But the thing is, here i am picturing all this lovey dovey shit like walking down the beach, me surprising her with flowers, me taking picture of her (im a photographer) all that gushy shit, and i know deep down im too shy to even approach her lol... one thing about men that most of us wont admit is that, when we see "the one" or that girl that makes time stop and makes you reevaluate life for a second.... we be gettin scared... or shit maybe its just me. but the fear of fuckin up can really stop you from doing somethin great. in this instance it was my fear that got the best of me. but when we men see that girl that you just know you have to have, we just dont know how to act idk why.
but idk im speaking for all dudes like i know, shit so maybe its me. anyways... i would see this girl basically every tuesday/ thursday and never speak.. i would always chicken out, because it would be hella people in the hallways, then on top of that she always looked like she didnt wanna be bothered, so i was like fuck lol im never gon get this girl.
so i said fuck it. ima just wait till i see her on the campus walking and try and speak to her then. i figured shit if i talk to her when its only her, if i get rejected, only me and her will know lol... so idk what picture i had in my head but the shit was nothing close to what actually happened. i thought i would see her on campus... and i literally saw her like 3 times on campus, and she was either to far for me to get to her or going in a building i wasnt going into... its like she was a ghost. i started questioning did i even see her in the first place, or was i just so in need of real love that i made her up...
So i basically just gave up... and then one day at work i saw her again. at this point it had been like weeks since i last saw her on campus. i had dropped the class i had in the spot where i saw her in the first place, so i basically didnt see her at all.
if im being honest the shit was like a movie, i had got on the elevator to go check the trash in one of the buildings like i had did every single day of that semester, and as soon as i got off i saw her walking in one of the entrances. that same rush of adrenaline came over me like it was my first time seeing her all over again. we looked at each other but walked past one another. she walked to the staircase entrance and was gone in 5 seconds again.
i had never had a girl make my heart beat like this before. i was in a daze. i was so nervous but i now knew that she lived in one of the dorms i worked in, which made me happy. so i planned on talking to her the next day. my confidence level shot up, i was ready to finally talk to this girl.
the next day at work i tried to spend as much time as i could in her dorm, and of course... i didnt see her. I saw her the one time and that was it.
It wouldnt be until the end of the next semester which was spring 2017 that i saw her again. i was working in the dorms. she was packing her stuff up to leave, and i said oh well no use now. so i was with my coworker and we were laughing and joking, and i said alright man ima go and make myself busy.
no sooner do i leave him to go check on trash in the dorm "my future wife" lived in, i was cleaning something in the lobby, and through the blinds i saw my coworker talking to the girl of my dreams!! she was smiling and laughing and i saw them get in the elevator together... so i rushed over to that building and of course the elevators we busy. so i took the stairs down and went to the basement and i didnt see them... i rushed to catch the elevator back up and as i was getting off the elevator i heard her laugh and say "have a good day" and the door shut, and my coworker walked around the corner and said "oh shits whats up"! from the time i saw them talking in the first place to me getting up there when she was walking out the door, it was about 2-3 minutes.
my heart was beating 1000 times a minute, my coworker came around the corner and saw me, i said "yo bro, who was that girl you were just with"? he said oh her, idk... i was like bro that girl is the girl of my universe lol... the next time you see her give her my number or just text me so i can talk to her... he said alright bro i got you.
And of course because life is life, i didnt see her until spring 2018. J. cole's KOD album had just came out a few weeks prior and i was blasting it in my headphones. i was in dream girl's dorm, and i saw her again... she was loading up her car and getting ready to leave... today was the day. i was goin to speak to her... and i know i said this shit 5 thousand times, but this time i had a feeling it would be my last chance.
i saw her a few times loading her car and was nervous. so i turned on one of my favorite cole songs... 03 adolescence. it gave me the confidence i needed. i saw her walking with her R.A and i knew that meant she was checking out and leaving for good, so i waited in the lobby because i knew she would have to walk through there to get to her car...
i was nervous as fuck, and even more because she had her R.A with her and if i got rejected he would see, but i said fuck it. she walked in and i said excuse me, she turned to me and her smile was beautiful, her voice was soft and kind of high pitched. "i said im sorry to bother you but you are beautiful to me and i have had a crush on you for a long time"
she started blushing, smiling and giggling. she said "oh my god do u? where have you see me at?" I said "eh you know, just around". i knew time was fading for me to ask for her number, so i said hey listen i have to get back to work and i know you have to leave, so how about i give you my number and you just text me. she said ok cool.. she pulled out her iphone. the screen was cracked, so i was extra careful to type my number in correctly. i handed it back to her and she said "cool i'll text you when later"
i said ok. on the outside i looked hella regular, but on the inside i was on the moon somewere... i walked into one of the other dorms and jumped up with excitement, i couldnt believe after all this time we had finally spoke. i finally got to talk to her. i was on fire. but then i quickly came back down to earth because the real test was waiting to see would she hit me up.
I waited all day and all night, and came up with every excuse in the book. "maybe she just got tired from driving" lol... maybe she dropped her phone and it cracked and broke... maybe she accidently deleted the number. i came up with every excuse in the book.
and after all that, she never texted me. and i have to say my feelings were hurt for a few days. i was more embarrassed than anything, because i put myself out there only to strike out. it was also the fact that i pictured us walking down the beach, all that lovey dovey shit i had thought about was basically never gonna happen. i had feelings for this girl, and she didnt even know the half. what hurt the most was that she never got to know how i really felt. i pictured her asking me "so how long have you liked me"? and i wouldve told her how i knew i liked her from the first time i laid eyes on her
how i knew exactly what she wore on the first day i saw her, how furiously my heart beat from just getting a glimpse of her. i wouldve told her that every time i saw her it was like the first time i saw her.... but it never happened sadly... and after that encounter it was truly the last time i had saw her. she either transferred, moved off campus, or graduated. so i wrote this out because your story reminded me of this, but also just to say, we're all kind of awkward in our own little way, and i think that no matter how awkward we are and how odd we might be, theres someone out there waiting in the universe that will love us unconditionally. ( sorry this was so long) have a great night.
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