THEY HAD TO PICK TODAY OF ALL DAYS TO BREAK UP?!!!! ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

You know I'm still mad at Lucas. Like I knew, we all knew, he was a fuckboy but like...why did you actually have to be a fuckboy?

I dedicated so much time into fawning over you and writing stories about you, ya bastard

I decided to clean up my original blog and just delete posts starting from 2011 when I first got on Tumblr 💀💀 I've deleted a lot but at least I found some art references I could use and a few cringey old pics of myself that I can laugh at. I changed the name to sad--succubus in case anyone is interested after the Twitter merge lol

Ok so I was thinking of starting a new blog maybe to be about more general stuff I'm into now and maybe experiment a bit with writing different styles there. My main blog has so much shit from when I was a teen and I can't delete it bc it's attached to this one (this I would end up deleting this and I don't want to).

I have my Twitter which is 95% nsfw art and 5% memes and over sharing but since Twitter is a little eh for some things I thought about playing around on here again but I'm genuinely not sure🤔

It would be def different and not really kpop-y so I wasn't sure if anyone would want to also carry over to there or if it would just be therapeutic to just post whatever there.

suho for @suuho

holy fuck can we please remember that writers on this fucking app are writing for FREE and usually for THEMSELVES? instead of whining about the content, just don't fucking read it if you don't like it?? it's not that hard to tap that back button and stop reading, not that difficult to not leave a passive aggressive anon message about what you expect a writer to write for you for free.

also while im writing this, icks are not triggers. squicks are not triggers. it is so disheartening to see writers answer asks like "can you please tag when the love interest wears a trucker hat, my ex wore a trucker hat and he cheated on me with my sister so you not tagging that really triggered me" like??????????? piss off fr.

people complain about the reblog ratio, but that's not the only thing driving good writers away from this app.

KIRAAAA OMGGG HI HI HELLO I MISSED YOU

WELL HELLO MY LOVE!! Whoever you are, I'm sure I've missed you too🥰🥰🥰

very weird and disgusting what you said about kpop being more mainstream now bc of bts… what’s so fucking weird about merch being more accessible… just say it was all a fetish and go

Okay so you literally didn't actually read anything I said about 1) being a second gen kpop stan 2) that whole section about how kpop felt more unique when I was younger. Also you literal twat waffle, kpop IS more mainstream because of bts. How do you think we got so many more groups doing US tours? How we got groups on late night tv or morning shows? How we got albums in Walmart and target? The mainstream America was a double edged sword for me because in it's time it made me incredibly happy but it hasn't aged well with me and my experiences/memories.

In general, I was talking about how before I couldn't find any merch as a teen and how when I did return to kpop I spent HUNDREDS on concerts and albums and photocards because I was HAPPY TO HAVE IT ACCESSIBLE. I'm saying that my experience that I had in my second comeuppance (is that a big word for you?) Makes it feel not as special to me anymore and the whole post was about remembering when I was happy to be within the community and have great memories.

JuSt SaY iT wAs AlL a FeTisH. You the damn reason I don't do this shit anymore.

Just say you can't read or actually interpret what I said and move on. I don't sugarcoat so may I direct you to the more you fuck around the more you find out graph.

Literally forget the fact that i havent been active for like 2 years or whatever i was in my feelings and wanted to write about this.

Im not into kpop anymore, i mean not as hardcore as i used to be; constantly keeping up with comebacks, spending hundreds of dollars on traveling and concerts and hi-touch, buying albums and furiously hoping for my bias’ PC,etc.

I was already on the tail end of getting out of kpop but when i got with my partner i just fell out of it completely (they listen to kpop occasionally even before they met me.) But kind of the terrible mistakes i made on here and me working so hard on stories and them falling flat made me dip out completely.

BUT lately i’ve been wanting to listen to kpop just casually. I’m actually listening to my faves playlist now and “Shine” came on and it’s like my whole body stopped and i really wanted to cry?? Pentagon means a lot to me. They’re one of my ult groups and i legitimately almost threw up at the concert because i was so excited. I cried when Dawnie got kicked out, i was there watching the youngest three grow up, listening to Jinho being talented Jinho, all that stuff. But Shine was what got me back into Kpop in 2017.

I’m a second gen stan so i started in 2011 or so, all the way back to when BigBang was nice and wholesome and amazing and the music videos were way weirder and cringey-er. I fell out of it and Shine just grabbed me by the hair and was like COME BACK BITCH. And that song makes me so incredibly happy? It flooded back all these memories of going to KCon 2018, back when i didn’t even KNOW the member’s names but i was like I LOVE YOU ALL. It led me to stray kids and of course i had my obsessive BTS phase (and the NCT one after that. Hello Johnny) I made so many friends and genuinely enjoyed it so much, not only as a hobby but as a way to meet people. I miss talking to the people i’ve made friends with on here, the people who enjoyed my work, and not necessarily the people i made mistakes with lol but it was still a learning experience. All of those memories came back at once and i was suddenly just so fckn sad that i dont have that same feeling of happiness or those friends anymore. That i CANT write anymore because i just havent been able to create ANYTHING that i like. No fanfiction, no DND stuff, no worldbuilding. Just a few OC’s here and there that i’ve just thrown out because nothing seems right.

Kpop used to be so special. Back in 2011 when i was in high school, kpop was weird. It was all like “Why are you listening to music when you don’t even understand it??”. It felt unique and so fresh and for the weird emo kid that i was i was like a kpop hipster. That sounds terrible but that’s what it felt like. It used to be impossible for me to get ANY kpop merch and ever since BTS took over America and all the other groups after and we have merch left and right and kpop stores in the states it doesnt feel as special anymore. Not to mention the fanbases are younger and it weirds be out when like some teenager is over here calling Felix daddy when that child doesn’t even know the first thing about being dominate. Also my birthday is at the end of the month and im old now, lol. The groups keep getting younger and it’s kinda like in anime. I can enjoy it as a whole but it feels strange to have the children sexualized and not very many older members. A lot of them are older now in the groups that i like but it still feels strange to be almost 30 and fawning over people younger than me. My partner is 3 years younger than me and i still feel like i’ve robbed a cradle.

Anyway, i’m just in my feelings and stressed because i have life things going on but i basically only talk to 2 people that i’ve met from kpop and while i love them dearly it was nice talking to a lot of people online. But now i wonder if i could find other friends who will talk to me about shit outside of kpop. I know everyone has other hobbies besides this but i’ve never gotten to know that side of the people i talked with. Like, i never really got any writer friends and i DESPERATELY need some, i’m not that up to date on anime but like i’m shoving down 1000 year war and chainsaw man and Tuca and Bertie (that’s not an anime but an in general animation). I know everyone and their mom like’s DND now but let me see how you play it, the worlds you created, your OC’s. it’s kinda sad that i’m almost 30 and cant actually make friends lmao. I guess i might feel a little sad bc my partner has like a billion online friends and i would just like other people to talk to again about our interest, even if it’s still kpop from time to time.

Shine just made me think of some happier times in my life and all the good feelings i had and it’s kinda gone now and i just spent like 30 minutes at work writing this because my playlist made me sad. Let me leave now lol

But wait quick embarrassing PS: yesterday while i was stoned i realized that my partner is messy Johnny (minus the fuckboi). Like bad at expressing emotion, looks cold but is an actual baby, actually really sensitive, a mama’s boy, a stoner, constantly trying to make straight A’s and working hard and stressing. I really wrote about my dream guy lmao

ok, now bye. im embarrassed i wrote this

im sorry I never got to writing the afterstories I had planned for each one. Essentially there was a scenario for all four and you got to pick one like a route in an otine game bc I also legit couldn't decide lol. It means a lot that you liked it even after all these years since I initially wrote it❤️❤️❤️❤️

When I Was In Love (M)

Sexual Liberation Ch 14-Everyone Focused

Pairings: Hui/Kino/Hongseok/E’Dawn x Reader/OC

Genre: College AU, Smut, Angst

Summary: College is about experimentation, being free, and having no strings attached fun. Hui, Kino, And E’Dawn have messed around with their best friend ever since last spring. Now that summer is over and they’re back in America, their sexual antics have intensified especially when everyone starts catching feels. Throw Hongseok into the mix and it creates a swirling mess of emotions and an ultimate decision that might hurt everyone.

Warning: a lot of angst, multiple POV’s

Features: there’s some small sexual details but not any full scenes.

Word Count: <10k

A/N: Hey guys and thanks for reading all the way to the end of S.L. Thank you for being patient with the extended delay between Ch 13 and this one. I’m still in the process of writing more Pentagon stories, it’s just taking me longer because lmao I have 50 million ideas and never am able to finish them. I appreciate all the feedback for the story and am still in the process of getting all the chapters updated. This one is written a bit differently and I hoped that it would give more insight on everyone’s relationship with the MC. One more little thing…don’t hate me ok? See you at the end of the chapter!

Keep reading

You left me at a cliffhanger in Sexual Liberation! I want to know which guy Y/N choose! I was rooting for Kino then Hongseok and mostly Hongseok!

Tbqh i was going to write an ending for all 4 boys but i never got around to it, kind of like different routes in an otome game.

Hongseok's would feature him and y/n going to her parents house for christmas and trying to fuck in her childhood room while her parents are asleep😂😅

Kino's involved taking y/n to korea, meeting his parents and them disapproving of an american (or whatever nationality, from my pov it was american, poc, and non-korean), and confessing his love at the beach while jumping off a cliff into the water below (in the fun way, not the killing way😅)

Hui's involved pet play and long distance relationships because he went back to Korea for a bit then surprised y/n on her bday by showing up at her place.

Dawnie's involved a poly relationship with Hyuna and him and kind of the tribulations of hyuna traveling and being busy and more of her and dawnie getting their music together.

I write these synopsis's (did i spell that right?? Lol) bc im probably not going to write them any time soon. I couldnt really choose who she would be with indefinitely and I DIDNT WANT KINO TO WIN IM SORRY.😂😂 So this was the most fun option for me.

Yuto’s shaggy hair, Kun’s ponytail and Ten’s longer hair, all amazing and the fact that they all have black hair now makes me so happy

Black hair on idols is honestly chefs kiss and i thrive for long hair yuto i wanna cry hes so beautiful😭😭😭😭

Kun is about one of the few idols i prefer blonde tho lol

The girl in the do or not mv is really living that y/n dream of having them all fall in love with her wtf

Yuto's shaggy hair tho😭😭😭😭😭

We used to talk a lot and rp and if I remember correctly, I even used to.. Send you videos.. Ahem.. 😳 Anywayyyy, name's Thory. Doubt you've met more people with that name 😌

Ah yep! I remember everything about you dont worry! You changed your username since then so i didnt recognize it immediately. Its been about a yr or so i believe?

It will be... 7 years this summer.. Hard to believe I did all of that on my own. I'm glad you think that way. I doubt you remember who I am though 😭

YASS QUEEN!!! Im proud of you. Its good to have support but sometimes struggling on your own and making it through feels better somehow.

I try and remember most people whove commented or had a conversation with me but there were a lot and i havent been on here in awhile. But that doesnt make you any less special to me 🥺👉🏽👈🏽